Hi everyone. I've been lurking for a long time, for as long as I've suspected I've had some condition under the umbrella of neurofibromatosis. I've read so many posts from all of you over this time and I feel like I should introduce myself, and also ask a few questions of you all.
Introduction
I've always been into genetics as a hobby. My grandmother had an incredibly rare condition that took many years for her to be diagnosed with, and every day of her life she was at risk of sudden death as a result (and has absolutely nothing and no relation to any form of NF). When I started in school and learned about genetics even being a thing, I was convinced that her condition was likely a component of it. As it turns out, it is. I couldn't become a geneticist: school was so challenging to afford to begin with, even with really fantastic grades, and I was a high school dropout, so my career became something else (software engineering), but I was always interested in the subject.
Many years ago, I got several consumer-level DNA tests. One of the tests had a mutation in NF1, and I checked to see if it was a miscall. It appeared not to be. I had gotten a new job with fantastic insurance and wanted to see if I could get it checked out.
I see the geneticist. No mutations in NF1 detected, but a mutation in LZTR1 was present, along with a Variant of Uncertain Significance that had not been recorded and studies at the time (now, it's published). So I went about my life as of a few years ago knowing that was a possibility. Saw a neurologist, got an MRI, they said I looked good, life moved on.
A few years before this happened, I had a child (who does not have any of my pathogenic mutations.. I've checked). So this whole time, I started getting some symptoms of issues with my eye over the years: a symptom where i had sudden extreme pain that felt like my eye was out of the socket almost, happened twice, eye doctors had no idea what was going on. Then, a retinal hole, so I had surgery to repair it. My vision just has never been as strong there.
As of the last few months especially, I've had other symptoms on the same side as my eye: tinnitus, a feeling that my ear felt dislocated until I put it back in place, slight aching, a little bit of dizziness, and in hindsight I think my hearing was already being impacted. Less than two weeks ago, I had a moment where everything hit hard: all of the sudden, it hurt more on the same side with my eye, the vertigo got worse, I could definitely tell I had lost hearing, double vision when seeing up close. I knew in that moment that something more than just some sort of ache was going on, that this seemed worse. Also keep in mind, I actively avoid getting COVID-19 by masking, air purification, vaccines, etc. So as of now, I have never had it, and thankfully have also barely been sick at all in the past few years beyond these other unusual symptoms.
I saw my neurologist immediately after realizing what was going on. I told him what I thought this was: an acoustic neuroma, and maybe something else additional with my eye or something similar to it. The appointment ended up being really disappointing, dismissive and not at all in the direction I had hoped, and I'm going to find care elsewhere after I get my MRI because I know I deserve better than someone who does not care to drop his ego. But I did convince him to get me an MRI (it's been two years), which happens tomorrow morning. And I did also find out that my optic nerve is tortuous, especially the left side (and I doubt he reviewed it himself back in the day, beyond the written report). And I pointed out to him again about the mutation I had in NF1, and how I also have cafe au laits and freckles in patches throughout my body, that are just harder to see because I'm multiracial and they're very close to my own skin tone. And he confirmed my conductive hearing loss. And examined my ears and ruled out an ear infection. So... what else could it be in someone who has LZTR1-related neurofibromatosis diagnosis from a geneticist?
So I have, what I believe, is mosaic neurofibromatosis type 1. I think the first DNA test I saw that in was legitimate. I also think the LZTR1-related schwannomatosis is kicking in, but that I knew about. I think I have even a spot on my spine, as I've had pain there with pressure for almost my entire life (at least as long as I can remember).
And I am hoping someone can take me seriously at another place of care once my MRI comes back. Whatever is happening is large enough to impact my hearing and vision and face. And it's the weirdest experience knowing part of this in advance of it before I had symptoms I noticed. It's like every step of the way, I've had to convince someone else of what I thought was going on. But I am super lucky to know enough in advance to find the care I need. WIsh that was the case for everyone.
TL;DR: Inadvertently found out I have LZTR1-related schwannomatosis and I suspect mosaic neurofibromatosis type one. Might have acoustic neuroma based on symptoms, some optic nerve involvement based on symptoms, MRI tomorrow.
Questions
I have some questions just to generally ask. I try to search the subreddit, but sometimes it's just easier to ask in the way I need to, and I want to add a bit more detail to some of the questions to help clarify what I'm asking about.

• Is there anyone else here who has Mosaic Neurofibromatosis Type 1 and LZTR1-schwannomatosis? Or anyone that has any form of mosaic NF1 and schwannomatosis?
• For those of you with acoustic neuromas / vestibular schwannoma, is there anything you would want to know or tell anyone who goes through any treatment for it?
  • I know a ton about the general facts and procedures for the moment. I mean anything that you would have found helpful to keep in mind, or something that helped you during the treatment and in recovery?
• For those of you with anything around the optic nerve including optic nerve glioma, is there anything you would want to know or tell anyone who goes through any treatment for it?
  • I know roughly about this, but looking more for anything that you would have found helpful to keep in mind, with treatment, recovery?
• For absolutely anyone in the umbrella, what helped you cope with finding out this news?
  • I usually deal by digging deep into a subject and educating myself, which I've done ad nauseam already. But I am really struggling with what's going on, the juxaposition between how I feel just god awful physically on the daily, and also coping with this news, and how I have been treated by my neurologist and others. I imagine some of this will probably be helped by actually seeing and knowing the details after tomorrow. I know I'm pretty resilient because I've been through so much real shit in my life, and I know I am in no degree perfect, and I'm going to try to persevere as much as I can. I just try to be a good person, and life just hits me with the hardest situations. And now I have a kid that I want to do absolutely everything in the world for and that's jeopardized. And I am the only person I know like me.

I know that was a massive post. Thank you for reading. Thank you if you give any answers. And thanks for being a part of this community, I wish none of us had to face this, but I am glad there are places where we can know we're not alone in our experiences.

So one day, I had a 'creepy encounter' with my family doctor...
I am a 35 year old woman now, but this encounter happened when I was around 14 or 15 years old (so about 20 years ago now) but the memory is as fresh and as vivid as though it happened yesterday. I haven't even thought of this story in many years until I came across this Reddit channel, and after reading some of the other stories, my own personal memory of this story came flooding back! So anyway...
Everyone in my family (and some still do) used to see this one family doctor for many many years for all our medical needs. We'll call him 'Doctor D.' We'd been seeing this doctor for soo long, he was even there at the delivery of my birth, where he held me in his arms when I was just a new born baby. From then on, I would see him for everything. Every time I got sick, for all my immunization's, etc, etc. So it was only natural that I would go see him the day I needed to get my first Pap smear ever done. I had just started becoming sexually active for the first time with my very first boyfriend at this stage, and I had learnt in school sex ed, as well as from other various sources that once a female starts becoming sexually active, they need to also start getting Pap Smear tests done.
(For those who may not know, a Pap SmeaPap test is a test or procedure done by your doctor to check for Cervical Cancer in women. The test is not painful in any way, but can feel a little bit strange, uncomfortable and invasive as it requires a swab being inserted 'inside' to collect the sample. Other than that, it is a very quick procedure that altogether takes no longer then a minute or two from start to finish. This last point is important to take note of for later in the story).
So its important to note here, that even before arriving to my appointment, I was already in a state of feeling a little bit freaked out and uncomfortable with the whole situation because at 14, I was a lot like most other young girls my age where I felt very awkward about my growing body, had poor self-image, would often where baggy clothes to hide any signs of my 'womanhood' from the outside world (such as the breasts that were forming!) So the idea that I had to do a test that required I strip from the waist down, sit on a bench with my legs WIDE open, ONLY to have some random grown up come right up in there and fiddle around down there...sounded to me like the LAST THING IN THE WORLD I wanted to do and was feeling already very embarrassed about it! And even though I was told by many different people that if I wanted (and if it made me more comfortable) I could request for a female doctor to do the test but for some reason, I had turned that option down. (Something I would regret later!) I guess i just thought in my head...it's okay, I'll just see Dr. D like I always do, I mean, he is my doctor, I've known him for years so it's only natural I continue to see him and treat this appointment like any other appointment. And I guess I just managed to convince myself to stop being soo silly, everything was fine, and besides, he is a professional doctor who will approach this situation with professionalism, and will conduct himself in a way that will not make me feel any more awkward than I already do. How wrong I was...
So Dr. D tells me to take off everything from the waist down, to lie on the bed, put the white sheet over my lap and wait for him while he gets everything together. I do this, feeling a bit red in this face, but I do as he asks, hurriedly, as I am impatient to get this over and done with quickly. When he does come around the curtain, he sits down on a low stool right between my legs, whips off the sheet and looks up at me with a big smile on his face. He then proceeds to have a conversation with me about...I don't remember what about. However what I do remember was that it wasn't at all relevant to the situation at hand or anything to do with the test or any medical information in relation to me what soever. I just remember that he had chosen that moment to talk about other trivial things like 'So how's the family going?' or 'What year level are you doing at school now?' and things of that nature. Honestly, I wouldn't have been listening to anything he was saying at the time as all I would of been thinking about is me screaming at him to hurry up and get on with it! And that I do NOT feel like having a chit chat with him while my private bits are in his face! But if I had thought for a second that this ill-timed catch up session would be the most uncomfortable thing to happen in that moment I would be wrong. As he is chit chatting away to me as well as going back and forth between making eye contact with me and flashing me a wide smile to looking down at my private areas with a deep, penetrating gaze, he all of a sudden wraps his hand right around my inner thigh, closest to where my knee is. He does so just gently, almost like he's just resting his hand there for a second, but it makes me do a little jump. He doesn't seem to notice though and continues talking, and as he's talking I realize that he's slowly started to circle his thumb on my inner thigh in a slow gentle caress. Immediately alarm bells start ringing in my head. I'm thinking to myself...what is he doing? The action was almost like he was trying to soothe or relax me in some way, sort of like how a mother might use her hand to do small circular motion's on her crying child's back in an attempt to soothe. But why? Was I maybe being outwardly obvious about how uncomfortable I was with the situation, despite my best efforts to not let it show? And even if it was obvious to Dr. D...is it normal for a Doctor to do this soothing action on a patient? And on top of this...how much longer is this whole damn thing going to take anyway?! I thought this was meant to be really quick!
That's when deep down I started to realize that something was very wrong with the situation. Or that I started to sense his intention's weren't good or appropriate at all. Because he started to move his hand slowly up my inner thigh, towards my private area, still caressing me with his thumb, and still gazing directly at me as he went. It's when his hand reached its destination, (and NOT because he was about to do the swab at that stage, but to continue just to caress me) that my legs started to shake uncontrollably. Not for any other reason than the fact that i was scared, and I just couldn't stop myself from shaking in fear. Then 2 seconds later, the tears started to slowly form and roll down my face as I let out a little whimpering sound.
Of course Dr. D immediately noticed this but doesn't at all stop or spring back like you would hope he would do in that situation as though he might be realizing what he's doing is wrong and decides to stop what he's doing...NO. He just continues to do it more intensely and says to me,
'Honey, your shaking! What's wrong? Why are you feeling soo nervous? Don't be nervous honey, just try and relax, everything's fine'...and just continues to caress, almost like he believes his words and action's are actually helping me to relax when quite clearly, its doing the complete opposite! But for some reason, I don't say a word! I don't tell him to stop or back off, I don't move a muscle (other than the uncontrollable shake that I can't help). What's even more baffling about my behavior and reaction at this point is...I even quickly try to wipe away and hide my tears from him so he doesn't see it! Because for some reason, in that moment, I feel bad for HIM, because I'm worried my tears and distress might be making HIS job harder in some way by me being a challenging or uncooperative patient! I can't explain why I thought or reacted this way other than the fact that I was just a young 14 year old girl who was freaking out and just didn't know what to do in a unsettling situation and especially because it was happening with someone I knew my entire life, and had looked up to and trusted for a long long time.
Anyway, it relieves me to say that he eventually did perform the test, and that this story doesn't end with any further graphic details of some sort of sexual assault or anything of that nature. He did however act completely oblivious to my distress throughout the whole thing, acted the whole way through like he wasn't doing anything wrong and that everything was normal. Oh, and remember how earlier I mentioned this test should only take usually 1-2 minutes at most to complete? I was on that table for 15MINUTES with him...which might not be a long amount of time...but to me, it felt like years in that moment!
Do you know what the worst part is? The moment i got home to my parents, I burst into tears, flung myself into their arms and proceeded to tell them the entire story. As freaked out as I was, within seconds I started to feel better, just knowing that I was back within the safety net of their presence but also knowing that once I finished telling them what happened, that my parents would know what to do to fix the situation as well as offer me much needed comfort...But you know what? That's not what I got. What I got was being immediately thrusted out of their embrace and then straight away got the biggest telling off session of my life! They didn't believe a word I said! In fact, they got soo angry at me, for being a trouble maker and making up stories about their trusted family doctor who they have known for years and knew for a fact wouldn't ever do anything of what I was accusing him of! Then, they told me to stop crying and immediately grounded me!
I was in complete and utter shock and to this day I'm still not sure which one is worse...my doctor doing what he did, or my own family's reaction to the situation...both experiences ended up hurting me deeply. So nothing ever came of the situation. I had to bottle it up inside and bury it all away, and he got away with it. The only thing I had in my power to do was make the decision to NEVER see him again which I haven't to this day. There had been plenty of times where I had thought about reporting him to police, especially fearing for the wellbeing of any other women out there in his care...but after how my parents reacted, I convinced myself that the police probably wouldn't believe me either...if it came to me against him...i believed I would lose so stayed silent.
I just truly hope that nothing awful has ever happened at his own hands after my experience. And to Dr. D? May we never meet again.

I'm gonna give a little ⚠️content warning⚠️ here as this experience involves violence that resulted in deep rooted trauma for me.
Hi! I'm new to the reddit community but definitely not new to Charlotte's channel. As soon as I heard her mention this subreddit I RAN🏃🏻‍♀️ to download the app because I love sharing the wild sh*t that has happened in my life! Let's start with an oldie but a goodie because I got an invite to my 10 year high school reunion recently.
I grew up and attended high school in the Appalachian mountain area. There was still, of course, cliques like there are in any public school. I never really claimed to be part of a specific "clique" though. My style was "dress as punk as my Christian mother will allow me to" whereas the most popular style was Justin boots and Carhartt jackets at the time. Anyway, we would sometimes get out of our last class early if there was an "in-school" basketball game scheduled. My best friend at the time met up with me after class so we could sit at one of these basketball games together. We were sharing earbuds, listening to her iPod, when I was tapped on my shoulder by a girl standing behind me. I recognized her because we had classes together in the past but we were never close. We'll call her Becka I guess.
Becka proceeds to ask me why I was "talkin' sht" about her? I tell her that I had no reason to do that because I barely knew her, which was the truth. She walks away from me and my friend and goes back down the bleachers to talk with her group of friends. While it is a small town, I didn't even know this girl's friends well enough to be "talkin' sht" to them about her. Becka approaches me a second time to say "I KNOW for a fact now that you've been talkin' sh*t about me so why are you lyin'?" At this point I was annoyed, so I rolled my eyes and gave her the same response. Before she could say anything else I put my headphone back in to ignore her. I then watch her buzz all around the bleachers talking to everyone and not so subtly gesturing toward me.
BECKA APPROACHES ME A THIRD TIME. She sits one step above me in the bleachers to lean down and smack my foot that was propped in the seat in order to get my attention. I take out the headphone once more to ask what the f*ck she wanted, because at this point I didn't think she would escelate the situation any further. "My friends literally told me that they heard you talkin' shit so why even still lie about it?!" she asked. As soon as I turned my body away from her, she saw her chance and she took it like a cheap shot at the local pub. She pulled my head back by my hair and started hitting my face repeatedly. I had never been in a fight before in my life, so I was stunned to say the least. We later found out that not only were my glasses broken, but my nose was fractured and my tooth was chipped. My mother, infuriated, dealt with the matter legally as we didn't have the extra money to fix these things ourselves.
For those wondering where my "best friend" was during all of this, she was right there equally as stunned. I don't blame her for not jumping in to help me, but I blame every single student in that gymnasium who witnessed a girl being attacked by another girl, and chose to pull out their cell phones to video the incident rather than getting an adult involved. LITERALLY. ANY. ADULT. The whole student body and faculty were there. I made it all the way out of the gym into the commons area before a teacher seen my bleeding face and followed me to the bathroom to demand I explain what happened. I held it together until I got into the bathroom so no one would see me crying out of pure embarrassment and anger. I appreciate that this teacher was doing her job to the best of her ability by taking me to the front office to speak with the principal, but that only resulted in Becka getting suspended for a few days.
As soon as she was back in the hallways, she had convinced her whole group of friends to bark the word "snitch" at me every time they saw me. THAT is bullying. Being violently attacked is FAR WORSE than bullying. I say this because I saw a post in our 10yr Reunion event page that made me absolutely cackle. It reads:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m aware there are people with mixed feelings about having our high school reunion. I’m fully aware some don’t want to show up because they don’t want to face people that bullied them in high school. I understand that completely. That is your choice you’re allowed to make. However, with that being said we are all grown adults now. Each and every one of us was also bullied in our own way. No it’s not okay. No it’s not acceptable. We all regret things in life when it’s too late. This is a chance to possibly get that apology you’ve always wanted. This is a chance to really get to know the adult version of our high school self. We’ve all changed in so many ways!! I’m proud of each and every one of you guys!"
I didn't expect anyone to acknowledge my specific situation in that post. Honestly, no one may even remember it because it wasn't them being traumatized in that moment. Anyway, I'm choosing not to attend because I've thought of every possible conversation I could have at this event, and none of them sound appealing to me in the slightest. If anyone wanted to befriend me after high school or see what I'm doing with my life, they could easily do that through their phone screen as I'm very present on most social media.
To conclude, I'm not sure if you'd classify this as petty revenge or just life taking a horrible turn, but I was told that Becka now enjoys doing dr*gs in her free time (meth to be exact)! I'm going to refrain from saying anything else about that because I personally feel yucky joking about addiction as I have two family members struggling with it themselves. Anyway, thanks for letting me dump my tea here!☕

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Season 10 “Days of Fury” - Episode 2 “Visiting Omen”

He had hoped for a boring day. Boring days are good at work, and Santos was already expecting to not have many of them for a while.
The first couple of days were boring, as usual- Blackriver is a small town, and the worst that had happened was Nila and Kessa making a few wellness checks after worried calls from neighbors. A couple of people in denial, a few ashamed at their own violent outbursts and a stern warning to Tamm about painting others’ properties without asking first.
This morning, however, began with an all-hands meeting. There were no meeting rooms in the office, so they made do in the general workspace room, they all stood there at the center while Keya looked them over.
“We have received a report from a neighboring city about a convoy of protestors making its way to Blackriver” she describes without tone. At this point nobody bothers interrupting.
“This convoy is comprised of approximately four hundred and seventy eight individuals of multiple species, primarily human and venlil but with operationally relevant representations of the entire spectrum of size and mobility types” her paws are behind her back, her ears focused directly ahead, her eyes centered to keep the entire team on the core of her focus “They have crossed multiple cities already, generally engaging in verbal sparring with any figure of authority, parading signs and banners denouncing all manners of authorities as well as occasionally engaging in physical altercations with officers.”
“They are also known to engage in vandalism. Though primarily aimed at exterminator and police precincts as well as public offices, they have already caused considerable collateral to others they have identified as ‘collaborators’” there’s a single heartbeat of waiting for breath before she continues “They have, however, not shown to be an incredibly organized group or one with a clear goal and objective. The convoy appears to contain only extremely emotionally charged people with no clear overarching goal.”
“We are incapable of dealing with the situation should they turn aggressive, as such we will be simply maintaining watch and relocating the populace should they become a problem.” Then, she picks up her holopad and passes it to Lunek beside her “They can only follow one path with the entire convoy, the central street, therefore I have divided it into four sectors. One of each will be assigned to a sector.”
First her ears turn to the first target “Lunek, sector one at the entrance. As the most approachable member of the precinct your task is to give an initial image of harmlessness. Do not engage first, do not take initiative against them. Ensure the members of the herd in the area are warned of their approach. If they become aggressive, retreat and focus on the escape of the herd.”
She tilts her head a little bit, turning her ears the other way “Marik, sector two. Mostly the commercial area, your task is ostensive protection to lower the chances of them initiating aggression. Whereas protection of the herd is first priority your second priority is ensuring Tenve’s Hardware Store as well as Sunbreeze Meals and Watchful Café remain capable of providing anyone whose residences become damaged.” suddenly, she turns her head entirely to face Marik “Ostensive protection means dissuasion, ensure that they know they are not under threat and as long as those specific areas are not engaged, do not provoke”
Next in her line of fire is Santos “As our human officer you will be in sector three, nearby the precinct. They are liable to become most agitated in this area and your presence may serve to calm them. You are not to engage, if deemed necessary the precinct’s materials are considered expendable, do not attempt to stop them”
“Sector four, the exit of town, will be with me to ensure that they have fully left Blackriver and will not attempt to turn back” then she tilts her ears again “Aren, you will gear up with a CCG and remain out of view range, your task will be quick emergency response should the need arise.” she then points her tail at the last three officers “Vess, your task will be to inform the herd and ensure a clear path for the convoy while Nila and Kessa will gather all of our medical supplies and set a staging area out of the convoy’s range. Organize ambulance assistance from Striped Hill and Everrain”
Then, she turns her ears around to focus each one in turn “As any attempt at aggression will end only in negative consequences, and in order to reduce the apparent levels of threat you will be unarmed. The estimated time of arrival is a third of a claw, ready yourselves and be at your post in time. Dismissed.”
“Not sure if I like or I don’t that we had the cold bastard right now” Aren says, as soon as Keya had left the room “Maybe we should move in closer when the convoy gets to sector four?”
“Probably a good idea to be nearby” Santos adds with a sigh “They might take umbrage with her demeanor, hopefully they won’t be set off too hard.”
And with silent signs of agreement all of the officers of Blackriver depart for preparations. The first ones to leave the precinct are the ones in charge of support, the two girls set off early to find someone willing to permit usage of their lawn as a possible impromptu field hospital and a little while later Aren leaves with a heavy CCG.
Slowly, the clock ticks to the appointed claw… And soon enough, Lunek can see in the distance the incoming omen of people. At first a distant line in the horizon, slowly the dark mark on the road coalesces into distinct shapes, the shapes of hundreds of vehicles slowly rolling down the road.
When the first few get close to the initial buildings of the main street, the entire convoy slows down. Their process of preparation is seemingly laborious, each vehicle houses multiple people at a time, smaller cars full to the brim, flatbeds with more people on their cargo space than can safely be contained, even buses conscripted for the effort. They carry with them signs, flags, a multitude of symbols as they dismount their vehicles and start spreading out to fill the street.
They seem to naturally form two distinct yet highly mixed groups, at its most distinctive is the pack of humans who keep a good distance from each other. But they are not alone in this group as takkan, mazic, yotul, zurulian and even drilvar form this central group. But flowing around them, not avoiding their presence but never infringing in their space is the grey mass of venlil, packed tight together, and mixed in there adding color to the monochromatic flux are krakotl, tilfish, sulean, iftali, sivkit and even a seemingly very confused duerten.
And at the very core of the moving group are their vehicles, which gently start rolling forward again as the group starts moving. Lunek simply waits, silently, by the side of the road, his ears attentively swiveling from one side to the other, expression having given way to function. Before the first of the convoy even arrives close he turns to the side, making a pointing sign with his tail. A woman who had been watching from her yard flicks her right ear and runs back inside.
He continues to wait, scanning around at all times for the presence of… Anything. The street is empty of locals when the first visitors start to alight. The convoy is loud, their symbols carry a loudness of colors and their vehicles make as much noise as they can to draw attention, but those who walk seem content in allowing their tools to speak for them, for now. Lunek tries to make sense of the banners and signs, but the messages are disparate as the group- Some speak of injustices against their people, some speak of anger at invaders, some speak of betrayal.
“Fuck off, fireman!” comes the harsh bark of a human, causing Lunek to flinch. But flinch is all he does, he simply starts walking alongside the moving convoy.
The exterminator’s attention is drawn to the details of the few people he can distinguish amongst the mass. Something tickles at his pattern-recognition but he cannot quite ascertain what for a while, until a lightly limping mazic makes her way to the edge of the mass “Want to finish the job?!” she trumpets, her form towering over his.
“I’m just observing, ma’am.” Though the tremor of his voice is noticeable, he remains stoic. But her proximity makes him notice something about her body, marks in her wrists, neck and feet. Though mazic have powerful wrists and knuckles upon which they support the front half of their weight, her left wrist seems completely incapable of it, giving her a limp particular to a three-point walk. “To make sure there’s no impediment on your path” he notices the leathery skin around her left wrist is deeply blackened.
“Oh, ‘no impediment’ is that it? So everyone that lives here is an impediment?!” her voice booms.
“Ma’am” still, he does not yield nor does he break his pace following the convoy “We have not done anything other than inform our people of your presence…” for a half second all he hears is the sound of his own heart “We can’t do anything else.”
Those words, then, sealed his fate. The first shout to echo in his direction was a yotul howling “Yeah you’re useless!” and soon the avalanche came in multiple voices and languages “Can’t do shit!” “You’re just here to hurt people!” “Useless crap!” “Idiot!” and many more.
With every step and twitch the very average exterminator puts all of his focus on just being there. He lets himself cower a little bit, against the barrage it is difficult not to, but he continues to accompany. A few curious coats step out from their houses to watch, but the front of the convoy seems far too focused on the sole exterminator in view to bother anyone else.
A few steps ahead, an older venlil with a cane has moved the closest to the convoy as any watcher has up to now. Seeing her proximity to the increasingly rowdy crowd causes Lunek to speed up, quickly approaching her “Leva-”
But his words are stalled when she puts a paw on his shoulder, she gently puts her head against his for just a second “You’re doing good pup, keep at it” she mutters to him before breaking contact and turning around to walk back inside. He can spy her grandchildren looking on through the door. Lunek looks back at the still-shouting moving convoy, takes a deep breath, and continues to accompany them forward. A small pawful of them, however, seem to have fallen silent.
Once having reached the limit of his assigned zone, however, Lunek stops. He watches the convoy move forward, past the houses, now noisier than before. The initial hollering at him had turned into disjointed screams at some indistinct foe- Though the herd had been noticed of a foe, it was yet unaware of who, or what, said foe was. So for now it howled at the ineptitude of… Someone. And as the last of the convoy passes beyond the imaginary line of his duty, Lunek lets out a deep sigh and allows himself to sit down on the ground.
He stays there for a moment, without thought, simply letting the tension, confusion and fear permeate his body until a gentle paw touches his arm. He doesn’t need to look to identify it, he lets his lover use her strength to prop him up, raising him to his feet “Keina you shouldn’t-”
“Neighbor’s looking over Tiss” his wife wraps her arms and tail around him “I’m not leaving you alone.” she stays like that for a second, before breaking off “Do you need to go after them?”
“No”
Marik stalks through the sidewalk, moving with energy. His speed outpaces the movement of the convoy, his paws twitch to grasp at something that isn’t there and a deep and intense motion makes his short fur stand on end. He had let the convoy’s head move in front of him, simply standing still as he assessed as many as he could in the mass, and now he had begun to move towards the front again.
As he stalked forward he focused his sight on every member of the convoy that seemed of interest. A human whose clothes seemed suspiciously loose, a venlil whose movements were far too stiff, a gojid who kept his claws behind his back. He stared at each like they were his quarry, analyzing every piece of movement they made for threats, and yet aside from the challenge in the human’s gaze he saw no danger arise.
Tenve had closed his shop, so as the convoy moved forward Marik simply continued to follow along, scanning the crowd for threats. But the next point of interest arrives, and he rushes ahead placing himself in front of the only restaurant of the town. Sunbreeze Meals wasn’t a very common sort of restaurant, Blackriver did not have enough visitors for a normal restaurant to be profitable and was small enough most people had their meals at home, it most often served takeout for those farmers who’d spend so long in the field they would return home without the energy to feed themselves.
Sparing a look inside at the only five tables, Marik couldn’t keep a small thought away from his mind. How most who got their meals from Sunbreeze these days did so because they enjoyed the cooking rather than their need of work, ever since the sunspeck population has been brought under control and the maintenance of the fields had become much smaller. He feels the presence long before he can recognize what led him to feel it and turns to stare at a group of six that approach the entrance: Two humans, a tilfish, two gojids and a takkan had broken off from the convoy and approached the restaurant.
He traces his color band over each in turn, and they all bristle at his stare. One of the humans hesitates before continuing to walk inside, and Marik simply remains by the door with his arms crossed, left ear twisted as far back as he could to listen to the inside.
“What have you got here?”
“W-we mostly ha-have ready ma-made meals to go or- or- Or you can look over the menu”
“There’s no need to stutter, y’know”
“So-sorry-”
“Really, after everything y’all are still with this predator crap?”
The chimes on the door echo for the second time in sequence as Marik makes his way inside. The tilfish had started to lean over the counter while the other five had arrayed themselves behind her. They all turn their attention to him as he enters, including the venlil manning the counter. Marik keeps his gaze directly on the tilfish for a few uncomfortable seconds, before looking at the man behind the counter and making a simple sign with his tail, a short vertical bob with the tip and a slow horizontal swipe. It’s meaning simple: >Safe<.
After a few seconds someone else appears from the kitchen. The tall venlil carries a large stack of plastic boxes in his arms, all of them seemingly designed to attach to themselves so as to be carried with ease. He puts them down with a resounding crash on the counter, and opens up his voice with ice “Farmer’s Pots, good meal when you’re working and can’t go home.” With each word the owner of the restaurant and main cook comes closer and closer to the tilfish, until the last “Ten credits each.”
Nobody moves for a couple of seconds, and then one of the humans steps closer and brings a holopad over to the credit reader. There’s a noise indicating payment, and then the owner raises his head and tilts it to focus his favored eye and both of his ears at the man who paid “Now,” he shifts register in his voice and the language he speaks in “fuck off” he finishes.
With no small amount of surprise the group of six retrieve the stack of packaged meals, carefully walking out and back into the convoy. Marik stays behind for a moment “Didn’t know you spoke human”
“Pup’s enamored with their languages. Of course, first greek words he learns is swearing.”
Outside, Marik stalks further ahead to the next point of interest. He moves faster than the convoy, and has time to move in front of it. For a few meters the street is still clear as he arrives to find a group of people standing in front of the Watchful. Standing there were all of its employees, and even all of its regulars, twenty people total standing there as if they were having the most normal day. If not for their raised ears tracking every noise coming from down the street and their swaying tails swinging about like angry beasts.
One of them simply points his tail at the other side of the street as Marik comes closer, and the hunter doesn’t need a second command to understand the meaning. They have this, he has a less practical but just as important duty. He crosses the street quickly before the convoy starts coming closer, and heads towards the park.
As the regulars of the Watchful had feared, it took little time until a large group had broken off from the convoy. With the town on alert about the convoy they had found themselves bereft of prey and now this group had set out to find some, anyone who might be willing, or not, to listen to their grievances. And what is clearly a place designed for people to congregate looked most appetizing.
Marik shadowed the group as they moved through the park, but they were accompanied by nothing but silence. It wasn’t until they ran into the centerpiece of the park that he took initiative, stepping ahead of the group and simply… Standing there a distance away from the tree of many scions, between it and the group.
“What’s so important over there, fireman?” it was a venlil who asked, but his usage of an english word was not lost on Marik.
“A place you will respect” the exterminator has his arms crossed, the one good portion of his gaze set on the man who asked “This is a grave.”
Though the group that now prowled was large, those who heard were taken aback. One such, however, approaches closer. He was a venlil whose fur shifted between a soft, brownish color and a dirty white “A tradition of the tenets right? One of those family trees?” The man would have been distinctive in any other group due to his missing patches of fur around neck, wrists, even portions around his head. But such signs of long term damage were common in the convoy.
Interest. They had shown true interest, or at least one of them had. “No, but similar… The forgotten tree is a grave for the forgotten.” He felt like these people, at least the ones before him, could probably understand the meaning of this place “It is of no tradition. Someone, a long time ago, wanted to honor someone who was gone but whose name was not meant to be remembered. Someone who had disappeared in the system… So they borrowed on another’s tradition, and added a scion to this tree, with something in their memory. Others have done so similarly, until it became… A grave for the forgotten”
“Didn’t think you’d be worried about this kind of place” it’s a human that speaks up this time
“Our duty is to protect this town, what you think-” but Marik’s words are interrupted by that same venlil who had asked before. His demeanor suddenly shifts, his ears perk up and his entire body shifts forward for a moment. He hesitates, for a second everyone’s focus is on him, and then he runs towards the tree.
Marik follows behind, stopping just by the man’s side as he finds himself at the base of the tree. The man makes a direct line to somewhere, something he had found from the distance, as if it had called him. He finds a thick and heavy branch that had been bent down by the weight of its scions and memories, near its base and speaking of a memory left behind long ago is a braid of fur made of three colors, a dirty white, a soft brown and a dark grey, bound by the braids are two beads.
The man raises up a paw, but does not touch it. As if cradling it, he recites the words engraved in one of the beads “I will cross every star to return home” others have come closer to listen to the man’s hoarse voice “There will always be a home for you” he reads of the second one. The names on the beads have been scratched out. The man falls on his knees “S-she kept her promise and… I couldn’t keep mine…”
Marik steps back as he watches two others come closer to comfort the man. He looks as a few others approach with more caution, looking up at the tree with a bit more reverence than they had before. Then, he turns around and starts heading back towards the main street.
Gazing out as the convoy gains a new flux, some leave it as it passes to move towards the park while others leave the park to rejoin the convoy, Marik simply stays there at the side of the street looking as stern as he could. Though the noise of the convoy remains great, here in this portion it seems to die down a little. A thought crosses his mind as he turns an ear as far back as he can, a thought he can’t help but voice “I wonder how many are looking at their own graves…”
As the convoy progresses, Santos simply stands by the front of the precinct, hands in his pockets. He watches the convoy arrive, heart beating fast, constrained hands the only reason he hasn't started shaking quite yet. He starts tapping his right foot as he watches the first few people cross by without noticing what this place is yet, everyone knows where the precinct is, so aside from the words printed on the sign by the entrance there is no other marker of what this building’s purpose might be.
Of course, it is impossible for nobody to notice. The entire convoy seems to stop as soon as a zurulian riding on the shoulders of a human points a claw at the building and says something. A large group breaks away at the command, all of them holding disparate signs and messages. They turn on the building with enough roars that whatever they are attempting to transmit is lost on him.
Santos is thankful his hearing isn’t nearly as good as his coworkers’, as the cacophony is already overwhelming him. He changes stances slightly, taking his hands out of his pockets and crossing his arms. This prompts a small group to turn their looks at him, the focus easily identifiable with the humans in their midst, focus which made the hair in the back of Santos’ neck stand on end. Living in this place had refined his sense of danger, but he didn’t need that to realize what could happen.
It was a group of five that approached, four humans and a venlil. “Didn’t think they’d be letting humans live out here in the boonies” said one of his kin.
Santos just shrugs “Got hired to work here. Honestly, rural folk get a needlessly bad reputation, most of the time they just don’t care as long as you’re not bothering them”
“Really? In my-”
Santos interrupts the man “Cut it out” there are many ways in which humans make themselves obvious, many of which are their eyes. Santos did understand the fear of them and why it was primal, it was not the fear of the eyes but the fear of attention, it was knowing you were under the scrutiny and judgment of another that set off that emotion. It was rarely the eyes that showed this attention for most species, but for humans it was, and the man’s clear gaze on his badge made the entire situation clear to him “Stop beating around the bush and say it already.”
Someone else is who speaks. The tall woman starts not with words, however, but by spitting on Santos’ uniform “You fucking traitor” her voice is both fierce and cold at the same time. A very emotional coldness.
“There we go” he sighs “Just… Move on. We’re not getting anything out of this conversation”
“Why?” It was the venlil in the group that started this time “These people hate you, they hate you for what you are! Why do you work for them?!”
Santos rubs his eyes and sighs “Because someone has to. Change only happens when you make it happen, simple as that”
“Change?!” another one of the humans howls “Do you think those people can change?! You know the truth, those fuckers have never done anything good!”
“You know, if you had read your history books…” Santos stares at the one who had just had their outburst “You’d remember that we once thought the very same about the police” there’s the sound of glass breaking, but he doesn’t reaction “And a lot of us still do”
The human staring him down shifts their gaze slightly at the broken window of the precinct, then back at Santos “A broken window is easy to fix” he shrugs “As I was saying. Same shit.” he crosses his arms again “There’s a role those people play, a role that needs to be played because it’s important. Different name, different problems, still the same shit. Gotta fix this, I’m doing my part” he then stares at the venlil in the group “You do yours. Simple as that.”
“Role?!” the venlil of the group steps closer “What role could they possibly have?! They only exist to hurt people!”
Santos steps back, and raises his eyes a little bit. Of course, the classics had shown themselves in this instance. With as many humans as there are in the crowd there were now quite a few objects in the air, most clearly aimed at the precinct behind him. Though given the failed arc of some of them it was clearly not just the humans indulging in such a tried and true method.
“I used to be a wildlife preserve ranger” Santos then focuses his gaze on the aggravated venlil “This is a frontier town, if you walk in the brushes with shorts you’ll walk out with your ankles numb. The athai out there are rather harmless, but they keep the sunspecks under control.” He takes another step back “Since coming here I’ve been pest control, had to catch an exotic animal set loose, investigated a murder, helped stop a child from taking her own life, stopped large scale fights, helped a dozen people avoid being arrested for self defense and helped break a fucking siege”
Santos cracks his knuckles “There’s roles. Jobs that need done and there is one fucking organization doing it all. That is a problem.” Then, he sighs and takes a few more steps to the side, offering indifference from this point on “There’s nothing I can say that would make you calm down.” he says one final time “Just make sure not to injure yourselves in the process, alright?” His words seemed to be enough to make the small group cease trying to interact, as the convoy had begun moving again. Though the one human who had called him a traitor gets one final parting shot at the precinct “Where the hell did you get an egg in this planet…” Santos says with a raised eyebrow as the projectile impacts the front door.
Keya stands by a large sign, the same one that welcomes you into Blackriver on one side and sees you out at the other, the official limit of the town. Her arms behind her back, her attention directly towards the front of the convoy as they march. Something gains the whole of her attention, the car in the front. Someone draws her focus, a human with a megaphone on top of the car. The man shouts words of encouragement at the people behind him with the megaphone before turning to his holopad, then he bends over downwards to discuss something with the driver.
She simply remains there, waiting for the convoy to pass. But instead of moving on out of the city, here the convoy stops completely. Keya observes as the further end of the convoy starts to slowly compact upon itself, and her ears pick up something “Alright everyone, start getting ready, next town over is more than a claw away, make sure you’ve left nothing behind” the words were not meant for her, nor for anyone too far. They come from the same man she had seen standing on top of the car, but he had now climbed down and was talking with a group of multiple species.
It is clear they have some degree of leadership, though the convoy does not stop cleanly nor does it begin to organize with alacrity they do respond to the group’s organization. So Keya keeps her focus on them as they point, wave and talk between themselves, others and devices. But at least one of them has noticed her attention, a gangly and light-skinned human with fire-red hair, the man that was atop the car. He starts walking in her direction, before turning around for one final set of commands as he walks backwards “And make sure the guys at the back got all the crap! We’re here to be heard, not to trash the city!” he says before turning back again to head towards her. A venlil with pure white fur erupts from inside the car he was riding, quickly dashing to his side as they notice where he was going.
In a few moments both have come up to her, the human looking down at her with the venlil bristles at his side “Saw anything interesting, fireman?”
“What are you doing here?”
“What? Isn’t it obvious?!” it was the venlil that roared a response “You saw all of it! You know what they’ve done to us! What they’ve done to everyone! And you still work for those brahking monsters! It’s like you’re thankful they made you a cripple!”
The human puts a hand on the venlil’s shoulder, calming her demeanor just a little bit “We’re here because honestly, we’re all too tired of being fucking ignored is what. So what the fuck are you gonna do?!”
“I have put the wrong emphasis” Keya says with her lack of tone. She can see the human shiver just a little bit “My task is to ensure the safety of this town. Your convoy is a danger. We have eight field-capable officers, we cannot ensure the safety of the residents against a group like yours. People will take actions for reasons, you have broadcast your reasons clearly. You have chosen this place for a reason which I cannot ascertain.”
She makes sure her ears are trained towards both the human and the venlil, an action which causes the venlil to cower behind her partner “We do not house government agencies. This is a farming town of little note. The local precinct is a simple precinct, we have no regulatory or command authority. The town population is approximately double that of the number of your convoy. We have no individuals of appreciable social or political reach. There is nothing in Blackriver of interest to people attempting to change government policy, nor have there been actions taken here that I can identify as being cause for retaliatory actions within the context of your message.”
“I must ensure this does not happen again and the only way of doing so is minimizing our attractivity as targets. A logical assumption of your choice of quarry would be a town with the presence of politicians, a large city with constant news coverage, cities housing important government agencies or those containing the Regional Firebases”
“So I ask again. What are you doing here?”
The two remain silent for a few seconds, before the human turns around with a mouth noise “Whatever, I don’t need to explain myself to someone that won’t listen. Come on!” he starts to stalk back towards the car, but stops once he notices his venlil companion wasn’t moving.
The snow-white venlil has their focus on Keya, who offers a simple low forward swipe of her tail, a sign to proceed. Still, the venlil seems frozen in place until the human comes back and grabs hold of their paw with a gentle touch. At which point both finally return to the convoy.
Keya remains at the side of the road, watching as the convoy readies itself again to leave. People get back inside cars, they hop on the back of trucks and load themselves into buses. She continues to watch as the convoy takes its time riding out, making their way out of the town.
Once it is finally gone, multiple footsteps sound behind her. When she turns around she meets her officers, having returned from their assigned positions “They have left. I expect your reports of what happened in each sector by the end of your shifts” she states plainly, before looking at Santos “They did not appear to have a specific reason for targeting Blackriver.” The question remains unspoken.
The human officer just shrugs “Sometimes, you don’t know what you’re doing. We’re just a little town, I doubt they even know what exactly they’re angry about.” He looks at the tail end of the convoy as it leaves “Town was probably just a place they felt safe going to.”
“D-do you think we might get more like that” Lunek says, at the back of the group.
“Who knows…” Santos sighs “But if human history applies anywhere here… This is just a sign of worse things to come”
[ [FIRST] [NEXT>]
And thus the omen passes by. Feelings, emotions of all sorts, without a plan or a reason other than just their own rage and distress.
Did any of these even know what they were doing? And how much worse can it be when they do?

So I rode the bus for the first time in years the other day. It was a huge step. And now I've ridden it 3 times! One issue I'm having though is with the smells that occur on the city bus. Foul smells are some of my biggest triggers. I obsess over the fear that the particles that are creating that smell are going into my nose/mouth/lungs. I fear getting some kind of infection. And, in general, the idea that part of someone else's body is going into my nose and mouth horrifies me. If I accidentally breathe through my mouth and taste it, I basically have to run to the nearest water source and rinse my mouth out. Obviously, this is kind of crippling because there are weird smells everywhere you go. And right now (I'm on the bus), I'm having a pretty massive internal panic attack because there are a few "over-ripe" people on the bus. I tried to just stay where I was sitting, near one of them, to attempt to do an exposure. But after less than a minute, the feeling was so intense, I got up and moved, and seriously considered getting off the bus and waiting for the next one. I've definitely had some success with ERP so far, but with bad smells, I have not been able to have a successful response prevention. I would love to hear from any people that have/had odor phobias who have been able to decrease intensity, whether through ERP or some other technique. Thanks!!

(This is a repost since my original post got taken down for being too soapboxy. I checked and it was 6 pages in a Google Doc, so yeah…this time I’ll try to cut to the chase.)
When I’ve visited China in the past several years - one week in 2016, then a whole summer in 2018 - it felt like I was in Wakanda. From gigantic cities with futuristic neon skyscrapers, world-class metros, immaculate highways, or the greatest high speed rail network known to man, the built environment felt like something out of a sci-fi movie. And the embrace of technology, from electric vehicles to AI to WeChat Pay, felt palpable. I could go on and on, but my impression was powerful: China had become the future.
So going back to America was a serious letdown. With its aging airports, pothole-filled roads, and public transit that ranges from horrible to non-existent, its infrastructure is seriously lacking, to say the least. American cities feel run-down, poverty-stricken, poorly run, and absolutely puny compared to Asian ones, not that its rural areas are doing much better; meanwhile its suburbs are justifiably clowned upon for being ugly car-dependent hellholes. And compared to China’s dynamic, futuristic built environment, America’s has barely changed since the 1970s, the decade when it became the Build-Nothing Nation.
And I’m not the only one who thinks this way. Whenever my parents drive into NYC, they notice and say how it has fallen way behind compared to Chinese cities. My friend’s mom, after living in China for much of the pandemic, went to live with her in the DC area and constantly complained about how worse everything is in America. I bet she was like another friend’s roommate, a Chinese international student who insisted everything about China was superior to America.
But hey, maybe you don’t want to live under China’s surveillance state (not that this isn’t futuristic in its own right). After all, one of the good parts of returning to America was being able to ditch the VPN.
Well there is Taiwan, which combines the good parts of mainland China, like the high-quality infrastructure, with democracy and social progressivism. There’s South Korea, which combines cutting edge tech with cutting edge culture, and Singapore (yes not technically East Asia but still), with its diverse population living in a utopian garden city.
Then there is Japan, Reddit’s favorite country. Everyone praises Japan for having the world’s best public transit, excellent urbanism with abundant housing and third spaces, and an impeccable safety record that allows 5-year-olds to perform errands. There’s a reason why a friend who visited Tokyo a month ago said that it was what a perfect city looked like, and why others say it’s the greatest city in the world.
And before anyone says “you’re just looking at the surface,” I shall remind you that all these countries have higher life expectancies and much lower crime, drug use, and homelessness rates than America. Even China overtook America in life expectancy during the height of COVID.
Intellectually, I know that the US has a higher GDP per capita than all these countries (except for Singapore), but looking outside it doesn’t feel like it. Instead, the US looks like a middle income country like Brazil, South Africa, or Russia. And while there are many good parts to living in America, I worry they are compromises for accepting a lower standard of development.

I have a java class for a page with buttons, text fields…etc and I want to open it in swing GUI form so i can change colors of the buttons and the fonts. I wanted to open it in GUI form so i can manipulate stuff without having to write a code but I can’t find it. Is that possible or not?

i think it’s just a result of people not knowing how reddit/forums work so really nothing against yall. not gonna link any bc i don’t wanna brigade or make anyone specifically feel bad but if you look at the front page on any given day like nearly half the posts have poor titles. post titles shouldn’t be “la fortuna” and then the post body says “i’ll be in la fortuna for 3 days and am wondering if i should do canyoning or ziplining” or something like that. you should just put that full entire question in the post title, that is more likely to get you bettefaster answers and more knowledgeable people.
not sure how active the mods are here but i’m in other subs that have this rule and it vastly increases the quality of the sub. just a suggestion, thanks

A short time ago I wrote a gameboy (color) emulator that is working for the most part and runs stable. I just wanted to ask you what your average cpu usage is? Mine uses Vulkan and Imgui and I implemented multithreading. Hardware on one thread, the gui, basic control logic and swapchain stuff runs on the main thread, two for audio processing (one for filling a ringbuffer and the callback for SDL audio output) and another thread for uploading commandbuffers from a queue to trigger the texture upload to the GPU VRAM etc. It's running at roughly 30-35% CPU usage on a 5800x3d. Should I consider optimizing some stuff or is this relatively normal? There is some other stuff going on in the background because I added a debugger, memory observer etc.
The memory footprint is relatively small, roughly 200MB when running pokemon crystal, 30MB in the menu (no game running)
https://reddit.com/link/1cv6ece/video/wafm8ldiu81d1/player

Hi guys, so, this is the situation: my girlfriend (BI) is having a bad period with her self esteem, because she had to stop sport for a while because of an injury and her body changed a little, i assure you, she is still beautiful as i met her, it's not a big deal, but she really thinks she is ugly. In reality she never felt beautiful, even in the past where she says she was. Because of her self esteem problem in the past she has met many guys who have treated her like an object and then disappeared, and sometimes i can see part of that situations in her behaviour. In past days we were talking about a ig page "spotted", and she said that she'd like that someone spot her, and in general she says that she likes that other guys and girls thinks she is "good looking". Today, after she tried on some new dresses, she said that she is ugly and that she was better in the past and that is her fault if she is changed. Obviously i tried to comfort her, like i always do, by talking about the fact that it's not her fault if she got injured, that the way she sees herself is filtered by her insecurities and is not reality, that she is still beautiful in every way possible, and that i love her. I really think all this things and i'd really like her to believe me, even if we weren't engaged i would have thought that she is a beautiful girl. After i tried to comfort her she left me on seen for like 3 hours and then answered me "sorry i was sad, i love you", she always thinks that i say good things to her because "i see her with boyfriend eyes" and doesn't believe a single world of what i say about her. I asked her if everything is ok with me and if i'm doing something wrong, because i feel taken for granted and it seems like anything i say no longer has the same effect on her, and i asked her if i can help her in any way, because maybe the support i give is not the best way for her, and she said that i can't and i don't have to do anything more than this. I told her my concern about the fact that she'd like that others compliments with her and at the same time she doesn't believe a single compliment from me. And she said that is normal to like and want others compliments, even in a relationship. We discussed a little because i really think that when i'm in a relationship i don't mind about what other girls thinks about me, because the only judgment that matters to me is my girlfirend's one, because is the only important. What should i do? Am i being too hard on her? Should I have spared my remark? I'm curious about what you think

Truth is, the compounding nature of time
The way that banks can take your money for years, and YOU still make a buck on it
The way that you can write a page of a novel once a day for an entire year and, without feeling like any time has passed at all are left with 365 pages
The way that watering a plant a few times a day, or feeding a child leads to the growth of something larger than yourself
The way a kind word touches a passing stranger, then flutters to all willing to accept it
The world is ever-changing,flowing, moving, mixing, mashing, confusing and plentiful
No matter how much compounding there is to do, we end up compounding back to Her.
The dirt upon which we lay our seed, print our pages, act as foundation for banks, step to compliment strangers, and ultimately find ourselves a part of.
Now you ask me why I’m so set on compounding, I answer with this
We expand greatly from birth until we have children, but what is to say we don’t begin decompressing after that?
The thing about compounding is that it doesn’t matter whether we are expanding or decompressing, what matters is what you leave behind
To put their money in banks, plant trees, write books, raise their own children, and ultimately decompress leaving some crumbs for the next generation
To live is to die, to pay is to owe, to end is to start, to compound is to decompress, to set aside life’s desires for the generation, and to instill the same values for the next.

Looking to co-found a modern wallet brand. I run a digital marketing agency, will be available free of cost for the venture (social, branding, copywriting, SEO, website, ecommerce). Need someone with experience in selling wallets or accessories. The idea is to create a chic, new-age brand to connect with the youth. Everything from the branding, communication, colors, and web UI to the product shots will be aligned to that. More details over PM.
If you don't have a clear idea of the aesthetic I'm envisioning, here are some references to check. Please note these are all just references and are not the same. The final product we launch in India will use a similar approach and target the premium market.
Brand References:

• https://secrid.com/en-global/
• https://www.groovelife.com/collections/wallets
• https://code-wallets.com/
• https://vulkit.com/
• https://www.andar.com/collections/the-wallets
• https://www.carlfriedrik.com/int/pages/secrid-carl-friedrik

Inspired with jojo and one piece
I think for me transmuter who tends towards enhancement it is a hatsu that suits me very well
Hatsu - insatiable blob Transmuter 100%, enhancement 80%, emission 60%, manipulation 40% The user changes his aura property into blob-like matter with small mouths with sharp teeth all over the blob. The blob can absorb physical attacks, impacts, or earthquakes. It can resist burning and freezing. The blob can eat flesh or bone( preferably human) to strengthen itself and unlock its abilities if fed regularly.The blob will attack every living being near 10 centimeters. If it is not fed, it will only have passive skills. If a part of the Blob leaves the user's body, it will go on a rampage and try to eat anything near it, and the user cannot control it until it has devoured its prey or gotten destroyed and then returned to the user. Abilities * Perfect Disguise Can take the appearance of prey that the blob devours with no flaw. The user can replicate the prey's appearance on himself or outside his body with the blob that he can control. During disguise, the blob or the user cannot talk. The user can create a maximum of 2 disguises. * Gum-Gum The user can take the blob inside his body to give him a rubber-like nature. The user can stretch his limb, depending on the user, and flesh and bones stored inside the blob. However, during this ability, the user goes through all the pain engendered by this ability.
^ sub-abilty Gear Second
* The last will of the survivor When the user is inconscient, the blob will enter survival mode and do anything to assure the safety of the user, project 30% of his body in all directions, go on a rampage to search for prey to devour and return to the user, and enter the user's body. The remenant blob will envelop his organs until his nen is totally used, ensuring his survival. I tried to add restrictions and weakness to make this possible and very possible. What do you think guys ?

Hi all,
I'm currently an officer (not a legal officer) in the RAF but I'd like to become a barrister whilst in to make things easier once I'm out (5 years' time) or potentially to help move my career along inside.
I've got a 1st RG uni LLB degree, and having done SQE/HRA stuff I'm a qualified solicitor advocate. The only reason I went for this is that I thought it was the best I could do without a pupillage. I'm also considering doing the QLA and getting the same certification in scotland, though I'm facing the same problems with a lack of advocacy experience that I'm about to get onto.
HOWEVER, it's always been a personal ambition of mine to work in chambers and as a barrister, and as arbitrary as some of you may think this is, I'd like to be called to the bar.
How, if at all, can I do this without a pupillage? I simply don't have the time to take a year out, and there are no RAF schemes allowing for this either. Even if I did a 24 month one I don't have the available accumulative leave for a whole year.
The Bar Standards page talks about BTT pupillage exemption, but I doubt 4 years' part time paralegal work with no advocacy experience other than uni mooting will grant me full, if any pupillage exemption.
I've heard rumblings of how doing the BPTC can reduce or prevent necessary pupillage time, but I need some very clear substantiation of this. Are there any other qualifications I can do that negate BTT pupillage requirements? I'm thinking a masters or other professional exams/qualifications.
Any help would be appreciated. Cheers all.
EDIT: I'd like to add that in terms of accumulative time I can rack up more than enough for this stuff, it's moreso a question of that time coming in the form of weekends, evenings, afternoon and weeks of leave. As a result, any paths need to account for this, which is the problem I'm faced with.

You might think dread is perhaps too strong of a word to use for such a simple thing. If I knew a stronger word, I would use it, trust me.
To give a brief summary:

• The manager is coming back after a longer time of absence to the team they lead before
  
• 3 members of the team (myself included) had to seek professional psychiatric help to deal with anxiety, stress, panic attacks and all the other shit we were put through because of the manager. One teammate had to take extended leave to deal with the mental health issues caused by the manager.
  
• 2 devs left the company specifically naming the manager as a reason why are they leaving
  
• We had "secret" mandatory overtime "which every team is doing" which turned out to be bullshit and against company policies
  
• We were always kept in the dark and in minimum communication with the higher-ups. We figured out after the manager left for the leave that most of the info we were getting from the manager were straight-up lies (deadlines, pressure from higher-ups, work priorities, salaries, expectations etc.)
  
• Constant carrot-stick, hot/cold approach to everything. Example: Got a great performance review - to be told few weeks later I didn't do any qualitywork for the last 6 months and I will be probably be put on PIP
  
• Constantly shafted on everything - promotions, raise, opportunities, team activities, training and education, even company access for Udemy - because we earn good money (no, we don't) and we can afford courses ourselves.
  

I could seriously go on and on about how awful this manager is, but it would turn into a mini novel of me just venting and ranting about this shit of a human being. Like seriously, pages and pages of the things this manager has put us through.
All that said, that same manager is coming back to the lead our team in about a month. As the most experienced dev on the team, I want to do as much as I can to protect my team and myself from the shitstorm that is coming our way.
I can't really go to the higher-ups since the manager is protected thanks to nepotism and connections in our local office (corp with thousands employees and dozens of offices throughout the world)
I guess my best option would be to change teams or quit the company, but I really enjoy the work we're doing and I worked really hard to create a strong team in the past year, which went from delivering things at snails pace to completing 3 major milestones in our part of the application during the manager's absence.
I already made this too long. Do any of you guys have tips, strategies, resources or experience on how to deal with managers from hell?

[First] [Previous] [Next]
When I wake up the next day, my head is swirling with questions. As I get up from my bed and go to clean myself, I can’t help but question everything! Did last night actually happen? I am pretty sure it did, but it all felt so bizarre… and wonderful! There’s a planetarium in the city, and it is magical in the most literal sense of the word! There are books on magic there, too! So I can probably start studying and learning more next time I visit!

Speaking of books… I have something to check there, don’t I?

As soon as I am out of the bathroom I go to the living room to get my pills and then, I start passing the pages of Humiko’s book. As I reach the ‘Epilogue’ section, I confirm to my horror that the words have completely disappeared.

In a panic, fearing the worst, I check my notes… oh, good, those were still here.

“What, were you fearing they would simply disappear too? Idiot.”

“Hey, with magic we really know nothing. It could have happened!”

I do feel a little silly but, yeah. For all we know, it could have happened. The point is that it didn’t!

Breathing way easier now, I sit down on one of the couches and sigh. Picking up my phone, I can confirm that it's Friday and it’s already eleven past noon. I guess this time I am justified in sleeping so much? But at the same time, I can’t help but feel a little guilty.

“Because you’re being lazy, even with your free time.”

With another deep sigh, I try to ignore the voices and just look straight up at the ceiling, tapping my chin for a moment.

How do we proceed from here?

Pelafina said I shouldn’t visit the Elysium early, because it gets full of people. I wonder how true that is… actually, I wonder how true anything she said was.

“Since when are you this distrustful?”

I don’t know. I don’t even know why I lied to her in the first place, but I just felt that this phrase, the one long complete phrase I managed to translate, is far more important than I know. I can’t share it… I actually don’t want to share anything with this lady?

“She will probably send the Cloaks if you stop cooperating though.”

That much I know, and I hate it. She has all the control over the situation!

“There’s one thing she can’t control though. She has no idea about your internet activity now, does she?”

… Good point. I have to focus on that!

I actually have to get back to GalaxyTaco, too! See what he's been doing and all that!

“But before all that, breakfast.”

Ah, right. Almost forgot… although, wouldn’t it be better to just ask for lunch at this point?

“Fair.”

Yes! Time for a burger.

“They feel blander and blander every time you buy one. Why even bother?”

Because they are still delicious, and more importantly, they are cheap and fast!

I quickly order a special Bisontian burger, with extra cheese of course, and then sit back down at the table, connecting my computer to the TER and tapping away a message at GalaxyTaco, to let them know I am up. Then, I write down my discoveries in the file I’m keeping. I’ll transcribe them to the notepad later.

I am adding the symbols (which I’ve learned are called Runes after a visit to the Elysium), meanings and effects I’ve learned. I’ve also learned that I can create Glyphs, which are combinations of Runes to create different effects. I wonder if they are phrases in the language!

Speaking of. They don’t even know it’s a language, they just seem to assume the symbols have effects and that’s it! Maybe they use it, but they haven’t fully grasped the implications yet.

That feels surprisingly shallow though. Just how much knowledge do these people have of magic? Is magic a recent discovery?

Or is there something else keeping people ignorant…?

The burger arrives not too long after I am done writing. I eat it while ruminating on the subject a bit further. They are not idiots, are they? To me, the first thing that comes to my mind when seeing symbols if they are part of a bigger language or something like that. Then again, maybe the lack of translation dissuaded them from experimenting further?

Stuff is not fitting as nicely as I wish…

I am about to write a little more when suddenly, I am added to a group in my messenger service. GalaxyTaco is alive! But not only them! There’s two other people in the conversation too.

Panic ensues, at least for a moment.

“Okay. Just keep calm.” I tell to myself. “Take a deep breath… phew… and let’s do this.”

My fingers are preparing to write some quick and tasteless introduction, when suddenly someone beats me to the punch.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: HIIIIIII!! ^0^!!

Oh no. A weeb, and a very strong one at that. I can feel her aura, her reiatsu, pushing down on me like a wave of augmented gravity. There are two chances here: I either get along real well with this person, or we hate each other on sight. There’s no middle ground among us.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: don’t be shy! :3 we’re friends here, I swear!

Well they are being real nice at least. Could be worse, they could be souseiseki.

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yo, you there?

Who the hell are these people!? I assume they are friends of GalaxyTaco, right? I really want to be patient but, damn it, new people get me nervous so easily…

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Hi there, hi! n.nUu sorry, this whole deal took me by surprise.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ohhhh it is fine! uwu gal-kun told us everything!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you must be so scared Dx I know I was when I got started!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Well it has certainly been a journey, heheh n.n but I’ve managed.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I found the Elysium last night so, at least there’s that!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good job, that’s a big advancement actually
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): next you gotta find the clinic, though
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: There’s a clinic too? O.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): yep. but we’ll explain all that later
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i’m canny btw. cannedtea at the forum, remember me?

My face burns a little bit when remembering this guy. I wasn’t expecting to find him again so quickly.

“Gay.”

Shut up.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: the name’s Aoi! ^0^/ UwU28 at the forum!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry I didn’t comment your topic, i am a bit shy xwxUu
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: It’s all fine, no worries n.n I’m Tav! But you two probably know that already
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it bears repeating, girl. it bears repeating.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah! ^^/
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright I’m back! sorry I was seeing grandma to bed heheh

I sigh in relief, cleaning the sweat off my brow. Thanks saints, this was going to be a little too much for me to handle alone!

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: oh hey gal-kun ~
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: reading up I see you’re all introduced, good good!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: now I just gotta introduce the plan to you Tav, so pay attention!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I’m ready! o.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: alright, so
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: to avoid 82’s wrath?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: canny here will be your voucher.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: huh?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: just put him in your profile and he’ll cover for you.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: And you’re okay with that, Canny? ;w; really!?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): eyeup, don’t worry girl. I gotchu.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: canny-kun and mort-sama covered for me when I just got in too :3 he’s the best!

For a moment I blink. Huh? Covered for Aoi? Does that mean they are also a Bastard Mage? What does that mean? Did they just find the link somewhere, too?

Questions for later, I guess.

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you so much Canny! ;w;
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): no prob bob
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): is it chill if I add you? you seem cool
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah, of course! :3 Add away! You too, Aoi-chan.
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: EEEEE! Arigatou!! ^w^ <3 <3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: oh yeah that reminds me.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi, ain’t you forgetting something?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: ah right!!! Tavy! what are your pronouns? o.o!

What?

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: you put you’d rather not say your gender and that’s so cool! I wanna know what to call you though! uwu
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: if that’s okay of course ^.^
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: Aoi that is NOT what I meant damn it!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): nono, she’s right.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): sorry i kept callin you girl
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: not you too canny… focus!

I have never been asked that before… I mean, I have, by computers. But by people, it feels… odd.

I like it.

“You’re going to start with your delusions again?”

“They can identify as anything. Stop being so harsh!”

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … I think I will go with she/her.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Is that okay? n.n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): girl, don’t ask US
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): ask yourself
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not the mean voice of anxiety, not the shit your guardians told ya
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): are YOU okay with it?

I feel the words pierce my chest for a moment. I gasp for air, my eyes opening a little more.

“This is all just play pretend. Don’t take it so much to heart.”

Shut up.

“What!?”

I said shut up. This time, this is for me. I decide this.

“You little ungrateful asshole…”

I want this. This makes me feel good and I will seize it. And you can go kiss my ass, you hear me!?

“...”

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: … Yeah. Yeah, I think I am okay with it n//n
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): atta girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): it’s chill to call you a girl right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah yeah, I like it! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yayayay Tavy-chan! :3
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: huh. that’s unexpectedly wholesome…
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: but let’s focus! Aoi! do you have the book?
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: right here boss! o.o7

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!! has sent you bastard_recipe_book.pdf
Accept?

Huh? A pdf? I hesitate for a moment but, hell, maybe it’s magic and magic can’t get viruses or something. I just click it.

ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: this is the rulebook for us Bastards, don’t tell nobody about it though OoO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: it’s a seecret~
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: A secret book… now that’s cool uwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): man, tav’s first secret
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): granny get the camera
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: lol
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: no but really, read it, study it well
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: it’s all vital.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: will do! I’ll print it and get to it right now
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: NO!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: TAVY-CHAN WAIT
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): wait a sec tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Huh? O.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: don’t print that one!
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: yeah you can’t print magic books, it’s risky
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the runes can activate and shit would go boom
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Oh, okay o.o
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Man I hate reading on the computer! ;w;
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: sorry tavy-chan ;w;!! but that’s the only way!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: yeah… anyways, I gotta go to bed, real badly.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: I trust you got it from here right?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yep! n.n
ケンジー・イズ・マイ・ワイフ!!!: byeeee everyone!! uwu see you in dejima!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see you around

I sigh and slowly lean back on my chair. That was intense, way too intense… but I am smiling. Really, this is some proper progress! I finally have tools to work on my own! Maybe I can even translate some more after learning magic!

“Are you sure that’s all you’re happy about?~”

… Shut up. Don’t look too deep into the whole ‘pronoun’ thing.

I am opening the file I got when, suddenly, another message hits me.

It’s from Canny!

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): hey tav
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): if you don’t wanna read it on computer you can get it physical.

Whuh?

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you said you found an elysium, was it in a library?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yeah! o.o
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): thought so
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): look through the mundane part of the library, specifically in the section where you get cooking recipes
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): see if you can find a cheap notebook that says ‘MAGIC’ in it.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): open it, say ‘jantar mantar’ to it, and that’s your ticket.

My eyes light up. A secret book, hidden under the cloak’s noses like that? That’s perfect!

man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): the book’s written in draconic, which basically means only mages can read the real shit and you can’t destroy it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait what? O.o Draconic? Are dragons a thing here?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): not anymore they ain’t
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Aww :c
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait,I can’t destroy it? O.o No matter how much I try?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): i mean, you can, but it won’t do nothin
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ok! n.n but hey I don’t know Draconic D:!
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): don’t worry about it girlie
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yay! n.n I will go get it then
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): get some other books too, in case you’re being tailed.
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck tav
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Thank you Canny!
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah! I will be on my phone so don’t send me magic stuff for a while, okay?
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): gonna teach you the glyph for your phone later.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Yipee!! n.n
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah hell, sorry for that úwu
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): you’re fine girl
man don’t you lecture me with your $30 haircut 8): good luck.

I feel motivated, so motivated that I stand up immediately, close my computer, and finish my hamburger on the spot.

“Going out again!? Hah.”

I am running out of mean things to say, that’s a good sign.

“Don’t count on it.”

“You are doing great. Let’s go! The day’s young and we have notes to take!”

Yes! I don’t even notice the door in my way this time! I just go out and hop my way over to the elevator.

To the library! Again!