Night elf pillow girlfriend

I'm (23F) and my ex (24M) had been friends for 4 years before we got into a relationship he was kind and gentleman when we were friends. I'm his 1st girlfriend and he is also my 1st boyfriend I know that we are new to this kind of relationship and need to build a foundation for our relationship, we never argued or fight also we let each other know if someone was chatting or flirting with us. Due to a lack of communication, we both don't want to confess or talk about our problems in our relationship which is not a good thing we only talk about it after our cool off, he is the one who wants a breakup after months I turn off my social media so I can cry and let out my emotions when I turn on my social media he chatted me begging for giving him a chance because he wants us to be back together, since I still love him I agree with him, however, he broke up with me again and chatted me to be together again hearing his reasons and in 3 years of our relationship we have always been on and off.
In those 3 years, I realized a lot about how our relationship became toxic i noticed how he negged me like he would send me TikTok videos of beautiful girls and tell me that "I should go on a diet so I would look prettier like those girls" I was shocked about that I know that I'm not sexy or slim my friends and cousin that my body is in normal not slim and not obese neither not sexy. My looks are just average I know I'm not that beautiful compared to others but it hurt me when he said that he had become my friend for years even though he has been my boyfriend for years. I have my own insecurities I'm not gonna lie that my physical appearance is also one of them and knowing that from him it really hurts the most. I also found out almost 3 years later that after a few months of starting our relationship he chat his crush "I love you" She is an influencer so there is a chance that they could be together I started questioning why would we want me when he loves other girls and he didn't even tell me that even though we promise to be honest when it comes to, so I broke up with him this time and due to my mental health there were times that I didn't want to talk to anyone for a few days, weeks, became months even to my family I don't talk about them about my own problems.
Almost a year when he reached out to me again to have closure and fulfill our plan when we were in a relationship and that was going on dates and having a deep talk. I'm not planning to be with him again I just give it a try talking about our relationship I think it's a good thing to create memories that we always want so I could tell myself that I tried my best to work out our relationship even though it wouldn't last. However, shouting at me in public was the last straw to cut ties with him I would always remember that time like it was yesterday I didn't do anything to shout at me like that we were just talking, after that accident, I just got along with him and that was the time I felt uncomfortable with him. When I went home that night, I waited until he was not online on his social media I messaged him that I didn't want him to text me anymore and not to expect anything from me also that this was the last time he would hear from me I want him that it's better for us to part our ways and moved on.
He texted me the next morning but I didn't seen or reply to his messages after a few months he texted me again but I ignored it. I also made another account without adding him even as a friend.

Before I go any further with this I know I have done some pretty stupid things over the years and I never really believed in the paranormal until this incident happened.
So about when me and my best friend were in highschool (year 11 to be exact) I was staying over at her place for the weekend after I had finished my work shift, it was around this time my best friend had an art project that was due soonish and she didn't have any inspiration to help her create something original. Then she came up with the idea to do a freaky photo shoot to see if that would help inspire her to create something ( and I ended up being her muse you could say) and mind you she is very much into special effects and stuff as she is a make-up artist in the making. So by the time she was finished with the make up you could say I looked like a decaying and walking corpse.
We decided to take some photos out in her backyard and then go analysis the pictures some got her attention and some didn't, so then I cleaned myself up and then we tried again, but this time an elf like character. That's when I got the "brilliant"(not so brilliant ) idea that maybe we should got to the nearby lake since there was some awesome places there that would be perfect. Mind you it was already 11:30pm at night.
The first mistake we made was actually going through with that idea at 11:30pm at night which well it was pretty stupid to begin with since will all the bad things happening around our local area ( missing people/ animals, murders etc), that alone should have been a clear indication that we shouldn't be going.
That wasn't a thought to us in the slightest,
So when my best friend drives us there and parks in the big empty car park( which was another clear indicator that we really shouldn't be there), we just sat in her car for a good minutes just discussing how the photos should be taken.....then that's when I got a chill down my spine and the sensation that we were being watched from somewhere. That feeling never left and to this day I can't believe my stupid self had just blantanly ignored that altogether. I wasn't the only one ,my best friend also got the exact same feeling I did and then we proceeded to get out of her car and start taking photos like we discussed. She has fake realistic swords and other weapons so we were using those as props and Everything was going perfectly fine (besides feeling like we were being watched).
What happened next still makes my heart stop, because the place we were at had hiking and biking trails as well as being surrounded by a woodland area. What we heard whilst in the middle of taking some more photos was the sound between a strangled and drying animal mix with a high pitch human scream and when I tell it sounded way too close comfort, I mean it sounded to close for comfort. That sound lasted for a good solid minute (just one singular sound with no breath in-between it) then it stopped and went erriely quiet. Way too quiet.
Now looking back on it, there was no sound of insects making any noise when we got out of the car and there was very certainly none after that sound. Which only means that there was a predator or something of the sorts nearby. I thought I was just hearing things or thought it possibly was just a native animal of sorts.
At this point me and best friend were starting to freak out a little bit, because then we heard the sound of sticks on ground snapping in half to the right of us near one of the hiking trails (which wasn't too far from where we were not that long ago) We tried to not panic and finish the last of the photos.(That was dumb idiotic idea know, but at this point we have made a few.)
I think I was zoning out and focusing on what she wanted me to ( for example,like hold the sword in a swinging position like you were about to slay down beast) I sensed that my best friend had stopped giving instructions and looked to her to see that she was standing and looking terrified to say the least
(This was our conversation in that moment)
Me:"uh... You good??"
My best friend:" slowly come over to me, but whatever you do. Don't .look , behind you."
When she said those words I instinctively and very stupidly looked behind me. To see that standing about a good 10 metres or so from me was a tall stocky but lean black figure that wasn't quite human nor animal from the looks of it ,but at first I thought I was a kangaroo ( yes I forgot to mention we live in Australia) with the way it was carrying itself. A very big kangaroo in this instance.
I then wished that I hadn't looked and now looked back at my best friend and now realised we needed to leave immediately. Because whatever the hell that thing behind me was, definitely wasn't friendly at all.
But we couldn't just bolt off back to the car as that would definitely cause the thing to chase down and it definitely would catch up with no trouble at all, so we had to as calmly as possible,pick up our belongings and slowly go back to the car. But since I didn't know what hell we were dealing with I didn't want to keep my back it as that would have very very stupid and I wanted to make sure it was still there. Thankfully it was but as soon as we got to her car and quickly got in(making sure the doors were locked), I look out the windshield and saw that it was no longer there.
We quickly high tailed it out of there and once back on the road, I then looked in the side mirror on my side of her car and saw the figure standing motionless in the middle of road watching us leave. That we when me and my best friend finally could process what just happened.
Then just before we got to the main road again, there was an actual kangaroo standing in the middle of the road which freaked us out more( but we didn't have a car accident from it) and went the car horn was beeped the kangaroo went on its way and so did we.
Once her place we quickly got inside and locked the doors, shut any open windows and locked as well as closed the curtains.The rest of the night and early morning we could hear scratching and tapping on the windows which we ignored and decided to go to bed.
Needlessly to say always trust your gut feeling or you may not live long enough to tell the tail.

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.

Hello, started this game last night with my girlfriend. We played crossplatform for 4 hours I was on a PC and she was playing on Xbox. Tonight we tried to play again, but are having issues accessing the saved content. It all apparently has disappeared. Any idea on how to find our old saved progress or any tips on how to make this not be a problem? We both had a lot of fun last night and it would be a bummer if this was an ongoing issue making us unable to play the game together.

I (19F) have been keeping this secret since I was a 12 year old girl. Obviously for confidentiality I'm not saying exact names. So I was 12 years old and in seventh grade I had just recently moved and my sister "ann" (age 26) had just moved in beside us she had also just been recently married to this guy named "Mark" (age 25 or 26). At the time I was deathly afraid of men because a few years earlier I was molested by my older brother. So initially I was afraid of Mark because of that. I had started to want to go over to my sister's since she was next door. For awhile I would just go and have fun. I eventually learned that Mark was a decent guy because he was nice to me. Sometimes he would be too nice. He would smack my butt and tell me I was cute or other things I'm not going to mention yet. At my sisters house they had a garage separate from the house with a side room for storage. Mark had made it into a gaming room for him and his friends. Of course I always wanted to play games on his Xbox since my mother hated video games. So the only place I could play was over there. One day I was in the side room playing Minecraft and I sat on a small stool beside Marks recliner chair. I was focused on building a house and then I feel a hand on my leg. I look at my leg and don't say anything thinking he was just messing around. He then moves his hand down to my privates and whispers in my ear "can I?" Of course being 12 and afraid I didn't say anything because I was frozen in shock. He proceeded to touch me. At the time I had such mixed emotions because I trusted him and I didn't understand because I was molested prior. The thing is that I liked it but I didn't want to like it. He ended up doing the deed while I had no emotion from shock. He took my virginity and I had no say in it. He went on and continued to "grape me" until I was 17. He divorced my sister and I thought I was free. He moved out of my sister's house and would visit because they had a son together. Ok these visits he would tell my mom that I should come "hangout" with him because I'm his "best friend" so my mom would make me go. We would go to the beach with my nephew and he would touch me under the water when his son wasn't looking. Eventually I moved away hoping that was the end. He messaged me the first week I had moved away because before I was 18 I had never had a phone due to my mom. He texted me saying we should meet up. I said no and then he said we were just going out to lunch. I agreed because he offered to pay and I was hungry. So I saw him and his new girlfriend. We ate and then he said he forgot his wallet so I paid 50 for our food. Then he said I should stay with him and his girlfriend the same night. He had driven me and I was scared so I said yes because i didn't know what he would do to me. He ended up doing it again right beside his girlfriend. I ended up going home in the morning and wanting to unalive myself because I couldn't get out of it. I then learned he had moved away shortly after the encounter. He would text me and say vulgar things and I would ignore him. One day he texted me and it said I have a free place for you. I said I'll think about it and he said I have two weeks before the place was gone so I needed to decide. I declined him and told him I wasn't risking my family for him after he "graped me" He told me I liked it and I needed to calm down. I ended up blocking him and no one has ever known I had $ex with him. It's always been "our secret" I've wanted to tell my sister but she would disown me forever. I don't know what to do and there's even more to the story I left out. If my sister ever sees this know that I'm sorry and there's nothing I can do to change what I did but I'm sorry.

1st off, the skateboard that she bought her son was brand new as she posted it in her channel. The boys saw it, spent the night at Adrielle's Mom's house. The next morning, "S" went home to grab a few things and it's pretty clear that her door was purposely left unlocked.
The part that wasn't clear was the damage that was done to the home as the video she posted only shows a broken mirror.
Now this part pissed me off when "A" decided to stay in CA an extra week after finding out her home was "ransacked" while showing no worry towards the situation. Her family cleaned up her home, while she was on vaca, as well! She didn't lift a finger to clean her place!!
Fast forward to her coming back from vacation and she says, "I can't find my period blanket" and claims Noah stole it, humiliating him on her platform, saying, "What kind of kid wants a period blanket?" (Blanket she free bled on). She egg'd on that situation and it eventually resulted in her tires being slashed!
She then shows the security camera footage of 3 kids walking down the street with only their hoodies visible, blasting Noah again as the person slashing her tires. This antagonizes him even more and her tires got slashed again.
Then she went to Noah's probation officer who also told "A" she hasn't any proof nor any reason to be speaking with her about this child.
That's when the kid threw a rock through her window and the Property Manager was pissed with Adrielle because they knew this happened because she couldn't keep her mouth shut, as i explained above. They specifically texted "A" that ended with "Do Better!"
She knows her son's Air Pods were only stolen twice and the 2nd time was due to "S" leaving them on a desk at school, which were then taken!
At no time did she ever know that both boys and girls broke into the home during her vacation. She's trying renarrate the situation to make it appear that the same kids have always been victimizing her and her son.
Plus, the girlfriend "S" dated was Noah's ex in the 1st place.
Here is the unnerving part of the situation.
"A" allows her son to spend the night with the girlfriend, while the girlfriend's parents were out of town, saying, "I trust my son with a girl alone" when he was only 12 years old! 😳

I F18 and boyfriend M18 What should I do with him and do you guys think he is toxic or am blowing things out of proportion?
I need help on figuring out what to do with my current relationship and if he is cheating or gaslighting me into thinking I am a bad girlfriend or overall person.
Hi. I’m an 18F I have been in a relationship for about 1 year and 4 months. I really need advice on what to do about my boyfriend 18M as it’s been a fucking nightmare honestly being with him and his shit, he rarely wants to spend time with me and always has some shitty excuse on why he can’t. Last time I asked he said his dad wouldn’t allow him too. But whenever it’s his friends, he is allowed to do whatever. Respectfully, his father M49, is not fond of me for some obscure reason. Like I’m really good at math and English and I’ll tutor him in those subjects because he struggles with school. But his dad off handily said, that I’m making him fail. When I know for a fact that he plays video games or goes on Instagram reels during class which isn’t my problem. I know this is a stupid reason for why I am considering ending things, but it makes me believe that he is either just slowly leaving me or cheating.plus blaming me for his school work being missing or poor. Last night, he texted me while he was high or something about his mom and my child which we aborted last summer and just told me so many things and told me I am the only person who cares and who he truly trusts . This frustrates me as I was there for him and later after I told him these things in the barrage of messages, he regretted it. Context on this: He went to Dallas to go to one of his dad’s friends graduation on Friday night. The next day after this emotional night of him relaying his feelings of trust and love for me, he ghosts me with a couple of bland texts in between. This was understandable as he said that his great- grandma 62F had blood clots and was staying the night in the hospital. I was completely fine with no text messages and even after awhile of nothing, I didn’t want to call him or message him as I saw that as taking time away from his “family gathering.” He did inform me before he went M.I.A about her stability, but still I worried about it throughout the entirety of that day.Later at about 11, I tried calling him, he ignored it and sent me a text that he just came home from his friends house M16. This bothered me as I was really concerned and cried that something happened to him or his Great grandma, because I had called him earlier and he didn’t pick up about an hour ago. We then fought back and forth about who was to blame for this miscommunication and I said, “fuck you” and that I wanted to break up because the stress and lack of communication/ respect for me was really impacting my mental health. Then the aforementioned text of, “ I Shouldn’t have opened up to you, what a mistake I made.”I understand why I made him feel this way , but Throughout the entire ordeal of my abortion, he never asked about my child or mental health. (He brought this up in conversation), and how I was the bad person for telling him that “ghosting me” when he relayed some pretty serious information on the wellbeing of a family member and never updating me was a very vital to my frustrations and considerations of ending the relationship. During Friday night, I said that he ignored me whenever I would bring up the loss of my child and then told me that during this time I could have talked about it but instead he just told me about his dead mom and I thought that was a super inappropriate time to mention my feelings on my baby. Its honestly pretty crazy to me that he thinks I’m a bad person and that he shouldn’t open up to me anymore because I called him out for miscommunications on the issue of someone being hospitalized, especially considering that his mom died quickly from an unknown issue.

Last night I (16M) was at my girlfriend’s (17F) house and she fell asleep. I got too nosy and ended up going into her my eyes only on Snapchat, and saw a snap of her crying and the text said “how am I gonna tell him we’re breaking up for college oh my god”. The snap was from 2 months ago. I have no idea what to do or say, we have been together for a year and are currently juniors. There is still an entire year until we go to college but the fact that she has already decided that we’re going to break up before college makes me sick to my stomach. I hate to sound naive and childish, but I really thought we could have a relationship that lasts through college and farther into life. We are both mature people and we both love eachother a lot. That’s why it’s just so hard for me to process the fact that she has already decided we’re going to break up for college, and not even try to make it work. We still have a year before college and she already decided we will breakup in that year. I don’t know what to do because if I mention it to her, it will cause a massive fight that will ultimately result in us breaking up, and I love her way too much. However, if I don’t mention it to her, I will have to live with the fact that we will inevitably break up for the next year, which will be extremely draining and stressful for me. I love her more than anything and can’t imagine my life without her, and I have no idea what to do/say at all in this situation.

So i have a habit of cuddling my pillow before sleeping, and last night I did the same, but i generally put the pillow below my head after cuddling and then I sleep, but last night, I think I forgot that, and when I woke up today morning, I saw that the pillow was below me and I was lying on it in an uncomfortable position...
When I saw carefully, the pillow had a small bump on it so I placed my ear on it and you know what, I felt a slight kick there!! And a slow voice of crying child was also coming from it, guys I am really really scared rn, I don't know what to do, how will I show my face to the society after this incident!? 😭
What will i tell to my parents? Please help me guys, please suggest some pills that I can give to my pillow to prevent pregnancy, please help 🙏😭

Me and my girlfriend are together for 6 months from the beginning we had a bumpy start with her packing the few things she had at my apartment (where she sleeps 4-5 times a week ) . Most of the time we had an argument about something stupid that I said jokingly or something funny that happend at work with a female co worker . Those arguments then ended in here taking her stuff and leaving . Afther a couple of hours she then would start texting or calling me all emotional telling me she was over reacting and that she wanted to come back . After few days ago I came back from a military exercise (I was there two weeks ) while she is still on vacation with a female friend and my apartment is spotless clean with even a little card on the table saying how much she misses me and expressing here love . During my exercise I never had an extreme feeling of missing her (I don’t know if it was the exercise mindset I was in or some other reason) and even cheated on her one drunk night . Now I’m home and first of all don’t regret the cheating part all that much and I do miss her but not as much as she does mis me . She is a great girl and does everything for me . But I just don’t know what to do . Do I breakup ? Give it some more time ? Come clean about the cheating ?

I (20F) met a guy (21M) on Omegle last year. Initially, he talked a lot about his ex-girlfriend and how much he missed her, which confused me because he also mentioned having a crush on a girl from his college, but I didn't think much about it. We added each other on Instagram, and he'd randomly flirt with me. I wasn't interested, so I'd brush him off, but he'd send me blurry selfies and call me when he was drinking with friends.
One day, he asked if I'd date him or if he was my type. I said I didn't see him that way, but maybe if he were in my city, I might consider going out with him. He still continued to talk a lot about his ex, and I just let him rant, seeing him as just a friend.
Later, his behavior changed. He started texting me all day, saving my snaps, and updating me about his mundane activities. He even said he was studying hard to get a job in my city so we could meet. I laughed it off, thinking he was joking.
One night, while drunk, he told me he had feelings for me. I dismissed it, thinking he was just drunk. But a few days later, he confessed again, saying he couldn't stop thinking about me. I told him I didn't feel the same way and that he might still be confusing his feelings because of his ex. He insisted he was over her since we started talking, which wasn't very convincing as he used to talk about her any chance he'd get.
Since then, he'd get mad if I posted stories with my guy friends or don't reply to him on time and left him on seen if I'm in class. I felt guilty and explained things to him just because I didn't feel the same way, and I did not want to hurt him, but it became exhausting. He even asked if I might change my mind in the future. I told him I wasn't sure and suggested we take a break from talking, but he refused, saying he couldn't go a day without speaking to me.
He accused me of giving him false hope and flirting back when I was just being nice. I felt guilty for unintentionally hurting him, but I knew I'd never seen him as more than a friend. I even wonder if he actually has feelings for me or is just settling for what's convenient because he knows he can't get his ex back.
When a guy tells me everything he did with his ex, it's practically impossible for me to develop feelings for him. I'm worried about how to handle this when I start liking someone else and he's adamant about staying in touch and was planning to come meet me even after we had this conversation. I still think he believes that one day I'll change my mind and I'm sure he is wasting his time waiting for me
How do I deal with this?
TL;DR: Met a guy on Omegle who initially talked about his ex a lot. We became friends, but now he has feelings for me. I don't feel the same, but he insists on staying in touch and gets upset if I interact with other guys. Not sure how to handle this situation.

I was at the night elf campaign last night playing perfectly. Loaded up the game today, had to restart my laptop and when I go in campaign there is nothing but humans? What is this
I also noticed I lost all my icons

I have been dating my current gf for about 2 years now. Her parents are from India and hae been very strict the entire relationship. Even when the relationship with the parents was cordial, they obsessively called me whenever I was with her like I became their child. On my first day of graduate school, the father called me 9 times while I was attending my first class because she hadn't answered their texts in 30 minutes. Another time, we went on a beach trip and were coming home (2 hours before their set curfew) and he continued to call and tell me to drive faster and get her home immediately. Eventually, the relationship with the parents deteriorated. They didn't want us seeing each other at all anymore but we stayed together and made it about a year without their approval.
Today was my girlfriends graduation and it was outdoors, so it was open to the public. The parents didn't want me there and I was not invited to the dinner planned for after the graduation. However, since it was open to the public and a large crowd, she told me that she wanted me there and I could just sit away from them. I went and tried to stay away from the parents, but apparently the father spotted me walking into the stadium and became angry. There was no confrontation, but apparently he wanted to come up to me and tell me to leave but was prevented from doing so. My girlfriend texted me that he had seen me and said to stay out of sight and just leave after they call her name to avoid any crazy drama. I did and left immediately after her name and hadn't been in contact with anyone (including my gf) since the ceremony.
I was driving back home when my gf's best friend called me and said that she had a seizure and I needed to go to the hospital she was going to. I was shocked since she had no medical history and turned around to head to the hospital immediately. I knew the parents wouldn't would be angry, so I called my gf's older sister to tell her everything I knew and see if she was okay (my gf had been staying out late all night and had been feeling sick all morning). The sister told me not to come because it would only make things worse and the dad took the sisters phone and began to yell at me.
He told me that this was all my fault and I'm causing so much stress and anxiety in her life and that I'm the reason she's in the hospital. He told me to never contact her again and I responded by telling him that "This is not okay. You will not blame me for this and you will not speak to me that way." He hung up the phone a few seconds after i began talking and told him that nothing he was saying was accpetable to me.
After hanging up, he grew more angry and I received several follow up messages about how everything is my fault and that I need to leave her alone. When my gf finally regained consciousness, he yelled at her for being "so naive and irresponsible" and he told her that she is throwing her life away with me. I didn't know what to do and obviously wanted to prioritize her well-being when she reached out to me, but when she told me her dad said I had disrespected him and been very rude, I had to share the full story and send screenshots.
I feel liket this pattern of behavior isn't out of a dislike for me or a new thing... She had warned me that her parents were crazy and strict before, but this is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I think that there are deeper issues to this behavior than I can tell from my perspective, but I just dont know what to do or say about any of this.
I absolutely do not want our relationship to end. I also can't continue to let the parents continue to control everything in her life and treat me how they treat their children.
I dont know if I should have skipped the graduation and just stayed as quiet as possible until her parents arent as big a factor in her life anymore.
I also don't know what to say about his comments blaming me for the seizure and yelling at her when she regained consciousness. What should I do in this situation? Is there anything to do/say about overly controlling/manipulative parents? Please help with how to handle this situation.
TL;DR; : Girlfriends father was angry that I showed up to her graduation and sat alone. She had a seizure after I left and he told me that it was all my fault and to never speak to her again. He had tried to limit our relationship and prevent us from seeing each other in the past and I don't know what to do now. How can I confront this and maintain my relationship with her?

I guess this is my attempt to reflect and vent.
Backstory we were together for over 2yrs in a long-distance relationship (2.5hr drive)
I messed up big with my FP.. Couple weekends ago we made plans and got ourselves an airbnb to spend time together and connect. Day comes and I ended up coming down with a cough, which in result made me extra tired (my sleeping too much on our time together has been a sore spot). Anyways everything we were doing I ended up passing out during; laying in a hammock, relaxing on the bed watching tv, back rubs, most of the first day I slept through. Which she brought up saying it makes her sad - I did not handle this well and ultimately things went downhill and I said "if your feelings are you're sad bc I'm tired then thats stupid". She ended up spending an hour outside away from me while I continued to stew in bed.. she came back eventually and had a pillow between us so I didnt attempt to cuddle or anything and just went to bed. Woke up to her crying and telling me "i want to go home", so I started packing up my things 🙃 basically after 2hrs arguing I left. Ran away. When we still had 2days left on the airbnb.
She seemingly forgave me for this as I hadnt left like that before, and given that I promised not to do it again. So I offered to come over the following weekend to make up for the bad one. Things went well the first day.. but the sexond day when night time came and I asked "if (M) would mind that I stole one of his edibles to watch the northern lights" and she immediately got upset and asked why? (Context she doesnt like me smoking weed, but said edibles were fine). So i responded "Nevermind sorry I even asked then" and went to lay down. She was not accepting of this apology as it was said with a tone and now I was closed off. I apologized several more times, before getting upset we couldn't just move past this and asked that we talk about it in the morning. Nope, we had to talk about it then. So i was overwhelmed and started packing up my things to leave..again. I ended up staying til morning and woke up to a buncha gifts I gave her packed next to my things. When I saw her get up I told her "I dont want the stuff I gave you back, I dont give gifts just to take them back'. We ended up talking for FOUR HOURS before I finally called it quits when we both came to the conclusion that we dont know what resolve there is to fix this. So I started packing up to leave. She told me "if you leave again we're done". I responded "then I guess we're done." And made my exit..
We've still been talking bc she wants me to understand and help alleviate this frustration Ive caused.. but it feels like its best to just let her find someone better fitting. It just sucks.. i dont want to be this way. We're both unhappy with the outcome, but there is no fixing whats broken 💔 if you made it this far thank you! Kind words, words of wisdom, relating, feedback is all welcome 🙏
TLDR: I run away from conflict, left my girlfriend twice and now shes not coming back.

I'm pretty sure I just avoided some sinister human trafficking ring on my holiday to albufeira. I know that sounds far fetched but my alarm bells have been ringing all week and I feel actually sick of how close it was to being in motion.
Me and my gf were very nicely treated by a bar rep with free drink shots etc (nothing unusual). Because of the hospitality we sat an had drinks with the female, she was very nice to my girlfriend but barely acknowledged me afer the first 10minutes not that I cared (I was drunk and talking to others and getting alot of free drinks).
After we wanted to move on to another bar she decided to join an was very nice to my gf so I didn't care.
This is where things take a weird turn, no other baclub rep approached us walking with her, ALMOST AVOIDING US OR LOOKING AWAY LOL (so strange if your a tourist walking in new town).
After more drinks and alienating me from my gf for hours she bumps into her friends who also don't acknowledge me and only talk in Portuguese unless I ask them questions ( so strange as one is a native engilsh speaker).
We were low on cash atp in the night an this girl wants to lend me an my gf money to continue drinking (at this point my alarm bells are screaming). Obviously I refuse an the typical response 'you don't trust me' I say not really.
So we go home and reflect the next day, an I found out she wanted me to go home and told my gf to send me home and continue drinking with my gf..., but also wanted me to leave to get money and leave my gf with her.
Honestly there's so many more red flags I haven't mentioned like she was called different names by different people and several other things im not going to post but I could go on and on.
Maybe I am greatly mistaken but my gut is saying I just avoided some sinister situation where my gf gets kidnapped and human trafficked and it has put a stain on my holiday. Especially if you are a lone female or find yourself on your own.
Avoid being being chummy and going for drinks with people who are working the clubs would be my advice or trust your gut and get an uber home if yourself in this kind of situation.
Il never return to albufeira just because of the creeps that seem to lurk there in the dark of night.

[Eöl] shunned the Noldor, holding them to blame for the return to Morgoth, to trouble the quiet of Beleriand; but for the Dwarves he had more liking than any other of the Elvenfolk of old.
Welcome one and all again to the 2024 Read-Along and Discussion of The Silmarillion here on tolkienfans. For Week 20 (May 12-May 18), we will be exploring The Quenta Silmarillion (The History of the Silmarils) chapter 16, "Of Maeglin."
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Aredhel, the daughter of Fingolfin, resided awhile in Nevrast with her brother Turgon, but later went with her people to dwell in the hidden city of Gondolin. However, she soon wearied of her hidden life in Gondolin and was permitted to set out purportedly to visit with Fingon in Hithlum with three lords of the household of Turgon. Upon reaching the Ford of Brithiach, she commanded her companions to instead turn south in the hope of passing through Doriath to eventually find the Sons of Fëanor, "her friends of old".
Upon arriving at the borders of Doriath, they were refused entry by King Thingol. And so Aredhel and her companions instead sought the dangerous route between the haunted valley of Ered Gorgoroth and the northern edge of Doriath. This passed through the land of Nan Dungortheb, where Aredhel was separated from her companions. They searched but could not find her, and barely escaping death themselves returned to Gondolin to share their tale, and there was great sorrow at the assumed fate of Aredhel.
But Aredhel, having lost her companions, continued on and eventually arrived in Himlad, where she was welcomed by the people of Celegorm and waited for his return. There for a while she was satisfied, but as the year lengthened, she took to riding further afield, seeking new and unknown paths and fields. By chance, she crossed into the forest of Nan Elmoth, where dwelt Eöl, who was named the Dark Elf. In earlier days, he was of the kin of Thingol, but he had left Doriath and fled to the shadows of Nan Elmoth. He loved not the Noldor, but learned from the Dwarves much skill of metalwork, and was often a guest to the halls of Nogrod and Belegost. He espied Aredhel from afar and desired her, and ensnared her in enchantments so she could not find the way out, but instead came deeper into Nan Elmoth. Being weary, she finally came to the halls of Eöl, and he welcomed her, and took her for his wife, and it was a long time before any of her kin heard rumour of her again.
Though at Eöl's command she was required to shun sunlight, it is not said that she was completely unwilling to their union, and in the darkness of Nan Elmoth was born their son, who, in her heart, she named Lómion, which means "Child of the Twilight" in Quenya. But Eöl gave him no name until he was twelve years old, at which time he named him Maeglin, that is "Sharp Glance".
As Maeglin grew to full maturity, he resembled, in face and form, one of the Noldor. But speaking few words, except in matters important to him, he resembled his father in mood and spirit. Often he went with Eöl to the cities of the Dwarves, and learned much from them, especially the craft of finding ores and metals in the mountains. Yet he loved his mother more and would often listen to her tales regarding the Noldor, and the valour of the House of Fingolfin, while Eöl was abroad.
In speaking of her kin to Maeglin, Aredhel desired to see them again, and these tales stirred also in Maeglin the desire to see the Noldor. But upon revealing his inner wishes to Eöl, his father became infuriated, and threatened to bind his son if he would associate with the Noldor. Maeglin became cold and silent, and no longer went abroad with Eöl, and Eöl mistrusted him. One midsummer, Eöl went away to a feast in Nogrod. During this time, the desire grew hot in the heart of Maeglin to leave Nan Elmoth and look upon his mother's people and to seek the city of Gondolin. Seeing this, Aredhel was glad and they departed, telling Eöl's servants they sought the sons of Fëanor.
However, Eöl returned earlier than anticipated and found his wife and son two days gone. He set out immediately in wrathful pursuit. On entering Himlad, Eöl was ambushed by the riders of Curufin, and was taken to their lord. Curufin mockingly asked Eöl what urgent matter brought him to his land, and Eöl told him that he wanted to join his wife and son on their visit to him. Upon learning from Curufin that they turned westward, travelling along the northern fence of Doriath, Eöl asked leave to discover their purpose. Curufin instead coldly bid him go back to Nan Elmoth.
Thus Eöl rode off in haste, full of shame and anger. He perceived that Aredhel and Maeglin were heading towards Gondolin and rode after them. As the two arrived at the Outer Gate of Gondolin, they were received joyfully and passed inside the Hidden Kingdom, where Turgon listened with wonder to the story of his sister, and gave Maeglin the highest honour in his realm. Eöl watched them from afar and followed them to the city, but was taken in by the Guard, and was brought before Turgon after claiming to be husband and father to Aredhel and Maeglin. Aredhel confirmed this and Turgon welcomed Eöl as his kinsman, giving him leave to stay in Gondolin. But Eöl insulted the King, and bid Maeglin to "leave the House of the slayers of his kin, or be accursed". Maeglin did not answer.
Turgon then set a choice before Eöl and Maeglin of either abiding in Gondolin, or dying in Gondolin. Eöl stood a long time in silence, before he abruptly took a spear from under his cloak and threw it at Maeglin, crying "the second choice I take, and for my son also! You shall not hold what is mine!" But Aredhel came between the spear and Maeglin, and was struck. Eöl was restrained, set in bonds and led away. However the tip of the spear was poisoned, and Aredhel died in the night. Eöl was brought before Turgon and no mercy was shown to him; he was led to the Caragdûr, a precipice upon the northern side of the city, to be cast down. Maeglin stood by in silence, and Eöl cried out "so you forsake your father and his kin, ill-gotten son! Here shall you fail of all your hopes and here may you yet die the same death as I". And he was cast over the cliff-edge. Thus ended Eöl, Dark Elf, of the shadows of Nan Elmoth.
Maeglin grew great in stature in Gondolin, and was high in the favour of Turgon. He rose to be mighty amongst the Princes of the Noldor, and was the greatest other than Turgon in the realm of Gondolin. And yet not all things went as he would have liked, though he did not reveal his heart. For from his first days in Gondolin, he loved Idril Celebrindal, his first cousin, and desired her, but without hope. For the Eldar did not wed with kin so close, and further, Idril loved him not at all. Maeglin's love turned to darkness, and he sought more to have his will in all matters, no matter the cost to him, if it might grant him more power.
And so it came to be that in Gondolin, at the height of all its bliss, majesty, and beauty, a dark seed of evil was sown in the heart of Maeglin.[1]
Of Maeglin at The Lord of the Rings Wiki: This chapter introduces Maeglin, and his father Eöl, and tells the history of Maeglin's life from his birth to his becoming a citizen of Gondolin. Also in this chapter is the death of Eöl.
Chapter discussion at Entmoot TolkienTrail.
Chapter discussion at The Barrow-Downs.
Questions for the week:

1. Eöl is described as grim -- "his eyes could see deep into shadows and dark places." Does this just mean his eyes have adjusted to life in the dark, or is there also a hint of his being able to see beyond what is there, in a "foresight" or "farsighted" kind of way?
2. Maeglin and Eöl argue because Eöl won't let him see his mother's kin which causes a major rift between the two. Why did Eöl object?
3. What is significant of Maeglin's given name of Lomion, i.e. "Child of the Twilight" by his mother, Aredhel, but at age 12, Eöl named him Maeglin, i.e. "Sharp Glance".
4. Why did Eöl have more liking for the Dwarves "than any other of the Elvenfolk of old."?

For drafts and history of this chapter see The War of the Jewels, "Part Three: The Wanderings of Húrin and other Writings not forming part of The Quenta Silmarillion", Chapter III, "Maeglin)", pp. 316-339.
For further history and analysis of this chapter, see Arda Reconstructed (by Douglas Charles Kane), p. 155.
Be sure to have your copy of The Atlas of Middle-earth by Karen Wynn Fonstad on hand as you go through this chapter.
Some Tolkien-related hangouts on YouTube (relevant to this week):

• Nerd of the Rings This episode: Maps of Middle-earth: The First Age The Silmarillion Explained
• Nerd of the Rings This episode: The Origins of Melkor Tolkien Explained
• Nerd of the Rings This episode: The History of Morgoth [COMPILATION] Tolkien Explained
• Nerd of the Rings This episode: Eöl the Dark Elf Tolkien Explained
• Tolkien Untangled This episode: The Return of the Noldor Of the Lords of Beleriand : Silmarillion Explained - Part 2 of 10
• Ælfwine's Road This episode: Silmarillion Summary: Ch. 16 - Of Maeglin [19/31]
• Voice of Geekdom This episode: Chapter 16.1 - Eöl the Dark Elf, and Aredhel, White Lady of the Noldor Silmarillion Explained
• Voice of Geekdom This episode: Chapter 16.2 - The Rise of Maeglin Silmarillion Explained
• The Tolkien Road Podcast This episode: Silmarillion 2022 Ch 16 » Of Maeglin
• The Tolkien Road Podcast This episode: 0047 - The Silmarillion - Chapter 16 - Of Maeglin
• The One Ring This episode: Tolkien’s Disney Princess!? – Of Maeglin – The Silmarillion – 18

The Silmarillion Reader's Guide at Tea With Tolkien.
The Silmarillion Reader's Guide by askmiddlearth on Tumblr.
Quettaparma Quenyallo (QQ) - The most extensive list of Quenya words available on the internet, by Helge Fauskanger, 1999-2013.
Tolkien Collector's Guide - Guide to Tolkien's Letters
A (Hopefully) Light Guide to the Silmarillion — Or What I Wish I’d Known Before Reading It by u/Ok_Bullfrog_8491/
The Definitive Family Tree of the Tolkien Legendarium by u/PotterGandalf117
Wikipedia - The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien
Announcement and Index: (Take 2) 2024 The Silmarillion and The Fall of Gondolin Read-Along

It sickens me. It gives me this angry as fuck visceral reaction, the sounds just piss me off to an insane degree. It’s not satisfying, it doesn’t “scratch an itch in the brain”, it’s not relaxing, it’s fucking disgusting. It’s one of the most annoying things on earth. It makes me cringe to my core; it’s on the same level as when you randomly remember something immensely stupid you said/did as a kid. Where I literally make a face, or want to scream into a pillow. The tapping, the click-clacks, the finger movements, like you’re a gross little spider crawling across the camera lens. It makes me so uncomfortable my heart rate actually increases.
If it helps you sleep at night, cool. But I think you’re hella weird for enjoying it.

(TW for SA/Rape(?) + brief sexual talk)
Hello, I’m posting this on a burner account, and this is kind of going to be a really long and depressing post I guess, I’m not going to disclose my name or age (Entire family uses Reddit just playing it safe) but this has been bothering me for a really long time and I just wanna get it off my chest, idk if I’m looking for comfort or advice, I just need to get this out somewhere. (Sorry for any grammatical mistakes or typos made, just ignore those, I don’t have the guts to proofread this.)
I’m FTM, I’ve been masculine ever since I was a kid, to the point where in my elementary classes I was friends with mostly boys and would have girls ask me out. My family basically just figured I was a lesbian or something. I wasn’t allowed to have closed doors with girls over or be alone with them unsupervised, but on my 10th birthday, I had one of my girl friends spending the night. At the time, me and my parents slept in the same room, so they figured it would be fine that she slept in the room with us (my parents were on different beds.) Before we went to sleep, my friend told me that she massages her siblings a lot so if I wake up and she is massaging me its just her like sleepmassaging me or something idk, I just said “Okay.” And went to sleep. I woke up early in the morning, she had one hand up my shirt and another in my pants. She did not know that I had woken up, but I began to slowly try and wriggle away from her hands, and eventually when I think she got nervous that I was waking up she pulled them out and away. I sent her home as soon as possible after acting normal with her all morning. I did not know what was happening, (I was too young at the time and did not realize until a few years later) but I was scared nonetheless. I still have not told my family about this.
On my 11th birthday, I had a different girl friend over. The same thing happened with her, except I was awake and it was about 1 or 2 PM, the door to my room was open, but nobody was inside the house at the time (except for my father but he was out back in the laundry room.) She touched me inappropriately, and then insisted that she strangle me because she had a ‘kink for that’ in her words, I refused, but she slammed me against the wall my bed is propped against and began to choke me, it hurt incredibly bad, and when she quit she tried to convince me to do it back to her, and I put my hand on her throat, but didn’t end up squeezing, I just told her I wouldn’t and put my hand back down. After that, I excused myself from the room to go cry in the bathroom for a few minutes, before composing myself and going outside to my mother who was on the porch. I remember all of this vividly. I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, and then said “Mom, can we please send ___ home early? She’s touching me in places I dont like.” My mom said no, and then told me to “Get over it like you always do.” She sent me back to my room. I have not yet told my family what happened in the room.
Present day, I still present as male (My mother knows this now, but we haven’t had an in depth talk about it and my father does not know.) and I think I might be gay, but I want a girlfriend very badly. I feel no attraction to women, but I want to be able to hold hands in public. I want to go on cute dates and kiss in public. I want to feel like a man. At the same time, I only feel passionate about men, I want a boyfriend so badly it hurts, I want to be loved in that way, but I don’t want to live as a trans man. I just want to be a man. I know that is a terrible thing to think. Its not about me seeing trans men as less of a man, its about how other people would perceive me if they found out I was biologically female. They would treat me differently, I know because this has happened before multiple times. I feel so terrible. I know I cannot get into a serious relationship without disclosing this kind of stuff to my partner, I keep trying to justify it to myself, “I plan on getting all of the procedures done, it will be fine then, right?” And stuff along those lines. It isn’t below me to lie about being biologically male, all my friends think I am, and I wont lie about being a better or more moral person than I am, it is just the fear of getting caught that stops me. I’m young, but I frequently think about my sex life. I will never be able to have sex with someone else because I will never be able to tell someone I’m not actually biologically male, even if I get procedures done so that I have a penis (Which I fully intend to do before even dabbling in sex life,) that wont make me a biological male.
Some part of me deep down wants to be friends with those two girls again. They both knew I was a biological female, and they are both straight. I feel like a man. And the worst part is that I would let them do it again if it meant they would see me as a man. I just want to live as a man, I wish I were born a male and I wish I could have a boyfriend and I wish I could be affectionate with him in public. Everytime I think about this, I start sobbing. I have never confided or cried infront of anyone else about this, but it is eating at me. My pillow is stained from my tears and honestly it looks kind of like a shit stain. This is not fair. I feel like my life has been stolen from me. I will never be able to date or have sex. I dont know where to go or what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I’m 19 “19F” and he’s 23 “23M” and we got together when I was 18 and he was 22. A few months into the relationship he got a job as a bar back. He loves it and he loves his coworkers and I was happy for him in the beginning! He recently got promoted at as a full-time bartender and will start in about a week. He typically stays late after his shifts and says that he is hanging out with his regular “Mark” after work. He’ll be off his phone for hours after he gets off and I trust him that he’s at the bar hanging out with Mark. However, a few days ago we were in the parking lot of his apartment complex and a girl comes up to us. She says “hey neighbor” to him and completely ignores me and my boyfriend does not introduce me to this girl who clearly knows him. At the end of the brief encounter she said to him “well if you ever want to talk or hangout you have my number” to which he said “yea for sure”. Also she was wearing a transparent shirt so I could see her nipples. I felt uncomfortable and thought it was weird that he agreed to hangout with another girl (who I felt was clearly asking him out and blatantly ignoring me) right in front of me, didnt introduce me as his girlfriend, and he had already given her his number. The next day I was ignoring his texts and he called me 30 times. I just told him how am I supposed to trust that he can say no to drunk girls who will be flirting with him at the bar if he can’t say no when I’m standing right next to him? Am I being dramatic? Also one night later we went to a concert for his coworker and one of his coworkers asked me if my name was “wren” and said she thought my boyfriend was dating a girl named wren (which my boyfriend- when I asked him about it later- claims to not know any wrens) and she kept telling me how much she LOVES my boyfriend. She said it three times. Another one of his coworkers was showing my boyfriend nudes of some random booty call he had. I explained to my boyfriend that I didn’t really feel like his coworkers were respectful of our relationship. He apologized for their actions but still talks about them a lot and how funny/cool they are when I feel that they have just been rude to me. And honestly I’m concerned because my boyfriend looks up to these people and admires them as people, I just don’t want him to be easily influenced/ tempted. Also all of his coworkers are single and in their late 20- early 40s. I also found a pair of furry handcuffs in his nightstand a few months ago (that we have never used together) and when I asked him about it he threw them away. This was probably 9 months into our relationship… why did he still have them? Should I end things with him out of lack of trust? Am I thinking too much into things? I want to trust him but after all this stuff has gone down and after he said yes to hanging out with his neighbor (when we’ve established that neither of us are comfortable with the other hanging out with someone of the opposite gender one on one) I honestly don’t know anymore.

Hi Reddit,
I can’t believe I’m writing this post, but this has been on my mind for the past few months and I really need some external input. I need help to figure out if I’m in a toxic relationship, if there’s something I can do to fix it, if I’m over sensitive, or is it time for me to end this?
Context: I ‘M26’ and my girlfriend ‘F25’ have been together for 2.5 years, and known each other for 8 years. We both live in the U.S. but I’m from Europe and she’s from Central America, met in college. Issues started 2 years ago but when things are good she’s amazing (funny/beautiful/caring/makes me feel unconditionally loved/etc) and I always thought the issues were friction we could iron out together. With time I have grown increasingly skeptical of that. This is my first relationship (longer than 3 months) so at the same time I’m worried that maybe I am overly skeptical, that I only see my perspective and fail to see hers. I want to be fair to her, because I love her and care deeply for her as a person, I am just starting to resent the relationship.
History of issues: To me the issues are all centered in my girlfriends anxiety. Frequently, rather than being vulnerable, she projects her anxiety on me and accusing me of all kinds of things. I have both tried to shake off those moments, to recognize that this isn’t her but her anxiety talking, but it still affects me deeply. Not only when it occurs, but when I am doing something and she seems fine I still worry that maybe I will do something wrong and she will snap and this moment will turn to a life or death situation. I have also obviously communicated my concern over this behavior repeatedly, and every time after she takes things too far she apologizes and takes ownership and we come up with a strategy to avoid the issue from repeating. This all sounds very healthy, I think, but the problem is that we’ve had these issues and conversations 25+ times and here we still are. Some things have gotten better for sure but it still feels unbearable to me. Let me provide three examples to illustrate our issues (from my perspective).
Example 1 - 1.5 years ago My best friend and I were victims of attempted robbery from people affiliated with organized crime, the event went to court, and after the trial we wanted to get away from everything. My girlfriend and I had planned to go to a Caribbean island shortly after, so I invited my friend to come a week before my girlfriend and leave the day she arrived. We were both pretty shaken up and just wanted to talk things out and enjoy a tropical paradise. The first night my friend and I arrive (girlfriend still in the US) she starts texting fervently that my friend and I shouldn’t see any of the sights so she and I can see them together for the first time. I get where she’s coming from but this is also a challenging time for me and my best friend so I am not willing to completely sacrifice his week with me to appease my girlfriend. Things escalate and she demands my attention all the time. When my friend and I is out she is calling me 50+ times in a row, texting me that if I love her I would respond and that I am ruing hers and mine vacation and though I’m trying to deescalate I don’t see how to. I end up turning off my phone, although she begs me not to, but I’m still in my head unable to enjoy the night. When I turn my phone back on next day there’s a picture of herself with a cut (very shallow but still) saying I made her do this. This event is the low point of our relationship, and I told her if she ever hurts herself or threatens to hurt herself I’m out, and to be fair to her she has not once since hurt herself. Nonetheless, the calls continue after this (50+ a day) and I spent 3-4h a day on the phone with her and neglecting the trip with my best friend. Damn writing this out really makes me ashamed for not standing my ground back then. Anyways, this really colored the trip with my childhood friend and I think I still resent myself and her for making that happen.
Example 2 - 0.5 years ago I visited a close childhood friend in South America for 2.5 weeks. Because of the events that transpired in example 1, my girlfriend was nervous for my trip. She expressed worry that she would act out in the same way as my last trip. I really appreciated this self-awareness. We therefore talked extensively about how to avoid issues. The first few days were alright, with her being anxious but being vulnerable about it and we managed well, calling once a day and texting 15-20 messages a day (more than I’d want, but that’s a compromise I’m okay with). At this point I make a mistake, but her reactions to it is (in my head at least) not proportional. I told her I was going out with my friend and his friend that weekend, and she expressed that this would make her anxious that I would cheat on her. So I asked what can I do, and we decided I’d send her a text once I left the pre-game, once I left the club, and call her once I got back to my friends place. A little bit much I thought, but I love her so a fair compromise for now. Unfortunately, I got caught up in the moment at the pre-game, and forgot to text my girlfriend. I realized as I was walking home from the club with 25+ missed calls and a bunch of emotional messages about how I forgot because I was around beautiful women and how I don’t love her. Here I understand her pain. She was vulnerable, I agreed to a compromise and I didn’t fulfill my end. 25+ calls is never productive but hey I had some blame here. The following day I call her for 1.5 hours apologizing and we talk things out, and it feels like though she is feeling anxious that she accepts my apology and we have now managed to resolve my mistake. The same night my friend and his friends are going to someone else’s house for a BBQ (which I told my girlfriend about days before). An hour before we are about to leave my girlfriend starts telling me to talk to her on the phone, because I hurt her so bad and when I say I can’t because we are 10 people having a beer before we head out she says she doesn’t care and that I hurt her and now she “wants to make my life miserable”. I tell her “hey I understand you’re upset but I never want to hear those words from the person I love. I know I hurt you but never intentionally”. She says she doesn’t care and keeps calling me non-stop for 40 minutes and I’m worried that if I don’t pick up she will start to call my friend. I try to deescalate and beg her to take a step back and that she is pushing me away by doing this. The whole thing culminates by me getting out of the Uber towards the barbecue and telling my friends that I think my girlfriend and I are breaking up and I need to deal with it. I am crying as I say this and feel so damn embarrassed. Even writing it now I can’t believe this actually happened. Damn. Anyways, as soon as I tell her that I am no longer going to the bbq and I left my friends car she becomes a different person (the person I love) and tells me she is so sorry and realize she took it too far and begs me to order an Uber to the BBQ. She says she’ll pay for it and begs me to go. At that point I’m just so embarrassed at the whole thing and tell her something along the lines of “why the fuck did you push me this far then. I told you you are pushing me away”. I head home, and wonder how someone who loves me so much can intentionally cause me so much harm and I seriously begin to doubt if her and I will ever work. I tell her I don’t think I want to be in the relationship, but that I recognize I’m emotional so I need 7 days without contact to process my thoughts. I won’t block her, but if she reaches out I will. She does reach out (albeit with a nice message) but I still block her.
I probably should have left the relationship here, but damn I love her, we live together, and at this point she was depending on me for her visa to stay in the country. I don’t want to rip all that apart from her. So I say I don’t know if we’ll ever feel okay, but I’m willing to give this one last chance.
To her defense, she take a lot of new steps at this point. She tells her mom and sister everything that happened (including her trust issues and jealousy), she starts with anxiety medication and starts being more vulnerable with her therapist. I am still skeptical that things will actually be okay, but I recognize the effort she puts in and I really appreciate it. The frequency of our arguments decrease, and more disputes now end before they become arguments.
Example 3 - Yesterday My GF flew to Vegas with three of her girlfriends (I know two of them very well) and I know it’s a high risk trip for someone in a relationship but I honestly have complete trust in my GF. I decided to do a dinner with 3 of my friends (who my GF knows equally well, we’re all in a group chat together and do things regularly together) and they invited a 4th person who was part of our sports team (my girlfriend met her 2-3 times, just like me).
She texts me from Vegas asking who’s coming to the dinner and once she finds out this 4th person is coming she asks nicely if we cannot be in someone else’s apartment. When I say hey I’m sorry but I already said we could be at my place she asks at least don’t smoke weed together (my friends are stoners so 100% chance they’ll bring weed), and I say “I’m sorry but I won’t tell them not to and I’ll join In too if they bring it but you have nothing to worry about. I love you and I’ll call you as soon as they leave?” My girlfriend then goes into panic mode and calls me nonstop throughout dinner. I go to the bathroom and begs her to stop, tells her she is ruining this for me, and ask her to trust me. She still calls nonstop until they leave. I try to keep a brave face but again it really ruins the dinner for me.
At this point I have told her how actions like these makes me feel uneasy and prevents me from enjoying life. I told her I need her to trust me. I told her that I won’t have it anymore. And if anything the idea that she doesn’t trust me around 3 people she knows well with a 4th stranger while she’s at a pool party in bikini in Vegas just seems so hypocritical it makes me ever more frustrated.
In her defense: - Her dad cheated multiple times while she was growing up. I understand this makes it excruciatingly difficult to trust a partner. - She started seeing a therapist ~8 months ago. - She now takes medication for her anxiety. - She now has told her mom and sister about her trust issues for the first time in her life. - She began attending codependency meetings regularly. - She says she doesn’t want me to limit my life just for me to communicate better what I’m doing (I think it’s really possible that I’m bad at communicating, because to me this request feels like it comes from a lack of trust).
She is putting in immense effort, but I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. Even when things are good I’m worried that she’s going to explode and that prevents me from enjoying the good times too. I love her and she’s amazing in many ways, but I don’t like feeling responsible for her suffering. I know that by trying to end things she’s going to suffer so much and she’ll beg me to give her another chance. I don’t want to but in those moments I feel like she’s the rational version of herself and that maybe she’ll never explode again. Can I solve my relationship with her? Is it time to leave? Is it fair to leave when she is putting in so much effort? How do I find the courage to go through with it?
Thanks so much in advance, and I’m sorry for such a lengthy post.
TL;DR I think my relationship is toxic and I don’t know if it is fixable, or if it’s time for me to end it? Is it fair to end it when my partner is putting so much effort into the relationship?

Hi, this is gonna be a bit long, but let me explain the entire situation so far: Going back about a year or so, I started noticing an elevated heart rate above what I usually would have. I have an apple watch that allows me to check my heart rate, and around this time I started to get notifications that my heart rate was above average (in the 120s to 130s range while resting as opposed to my normal 60-80 range). This happened a few times along with some very minor chest pain / tightness, however after laying down for a few hours / going to bed it would usually return to normal. Around the same time I got diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD and placed on an SSRI to help my anxiety after trying ADHD meds and not liking them. I never really had any incidents with high heart rate after that, so I had assumed it was just anxiety causing it (and that may still be the case). A few months went by and I ended up starting college and got myself a girlfriend. As I ended up finding out, SSRIs, while great, have the unfortunate side effect of erectile dysfunction, so I weaned off my meds so I could prioritize my love life. There were a few incidents after this where my heart rate was above average, but again I just chalked this up to anxiety, as it would usually go away on its own. At one point I went into my on campus doctor's office just to verify my heart was okay after an elevated heart rate the night before, and they gave me an EKG which came up clear. Months go by, and things are fine, besides a slight uptick in anxiety. Unfortunately however, my relationship began to crumble and my anxiety skyrocketed, and we eventually broke up, which led me to talking to my doctor and getting placed back on anxiety medication. However, I really didn't like how SSRI's impacted my libido, so after trying a few more SSRI's I was placed on Buspirone. I love Buspirone, and it's made a noticeable difference on my confidence / reducing anxiety. When I take my full dose at once (30 mg), I tend to get a bit dizzy / nauseous, however when split up into 10 mg taken at breakfast lunch and dinner I have no noticeable side effects. I will say (and I don't know if this is in any way important but I'm just naming everything possible), I have noticed that since stopping the SSRIs and starting Buspirone I tend to ejaculate VERY fast which is abnormal for me, and although I would like to fix that it is not my main concern. Moving on though, after about a month or two after being placed on Buspirone, we get to where my heart problems start. As someone who had never used any substances my entire life, leaving home and going to college gave me the freedom to try new things, and although I know it's not great, on weekends me and my friends will get together and drink or occasionally smoke weed / take an edible. I was worried at first about interactions with my medication, but after some research all anything online could tell me was that I may get drunk faster / more nauseous and dizzy, which wasn't too big of a deal for me. I had tried weed earlier in college and didn't like the way it made me feel, however after being placed on Buspirone I decided to try it again and actually enjoyed the feeling, so I started doing it more on the weekends as opposed to just drinking, which leads us to the incident. Me and some friends had just sat down to watch a movie, and all taken an edible. Time passed, and I started to notice that my heart rate was extremely elevated, way more than I was usually used to. I checked my heart rate, and found that my watch was displaying an average of 160 bpm. At first I thought I was just having a bad high and tried to calm myself. I laid on the floor and put some ice on my forehead, but nothing was helping. I checked my heart rate again and saw that my watch was displaying 190, which really freaked me out as that was way higher than I had ever seen before. I had my sober friend call Public Safety for me, and they came to my dorm room and did a basic check up on me. They said that I had a fever, and when they took my heart rate they got something in the 160s range. Their explanation was that my anxiety, when combined with being high and likely being sick made my heart rate elevated, which made sense at the time. I went into my college's health services to follow up the next day since my heart rate was still elevated (in the 120s-130s range), however they again told me it was probably just anxiety. A few days went by and my heart rate was STILL above average, so I decided to double check with my real doctor off campus. About a day before this I had also stopped taking my medication to see if it could be the cause for my elevated heart rate. The doctors took my vitals and immediately noticed that had very high blood pressure and an elevated heart rate, to the point where they sent in a second doctor to recheck my vitals and make sure it was correct. After talking to me and having me give a run down of my symptoms, they had me schedule an appointment with a cardiologist and told me that if I ever experience chest pain and a heart rate above 100 bpm that wouldn't go down to go to the hospital. I had also told them about how I stopped taking my medication and they told me that that was fine and to tell the cardiologist about it. About a week passes, and I have my cardiologist appointment in a few days. I had been up the night before working on my final exams, so I hadn't gotten much sleep, and besides a breakfast sandwich that I had for lunch I hadn't eaten much either. I had been experiencing chest pain all day, but I assumed it was being caused by my lack of sleep, so after classes I went and took a nap. After a few hours I woke up, and immediately noticed that I still had chest pain. I checked my apple watch, and my heart rate was displaying roughly 90-110 bpm while laying down, which on top of the chest pain made me worried since my doctor had told me that that was cause to go to the hospital. I called my parents to tell them about it, and they drove to the school and had me sit in the car and eat some food they had made to see if it would help at all. However, even after this, my heart rate was still above 100 bpm and I still had chest pain, so my mom made the call to bring me to the hospital. While on the way to the hospital, out of nowhere my heart rate increased to about 170-180 bpm, which freaked me out. We arrived at the hospital, and they immediately gave me an EKG to make sure I wasn't going to drop dead. During this time, I also was shaking a lot and couldn't make myself stop. Eventually they took me into a room and decided to run some tests on me. The tests they did are as follows: BASIC METABOLIC PANEL, CBC WITH DIFF, TROPONIN NH, D DIMER DEEP VEIN THROMB LEVEL, TSH REFLEX, X-RAY CHEST PA AND LATERAL, and ECG-12 LEAD. While I'm not a doctor, from what they told me and from what I can see, everything turned up pretty normal. My potassium was a smidge low, as well as my MCV and MPV, and my Monocyte (absolute) was a tad high, but generally nothing to worry about. The website where I'm viewing my test results display my ECG as abnormal and an attached document says I have left atrial enlargement as well as sinus tachycardia, but they only mentioned sinus tachycardia in the hospital so I assume that it was just the machine reading my test results and giving its own diagnosis. Long story short though, I left the hospital a few hours later, and although I still had a slightly elevated heart rate they said I was fine to go about life normally and to follow up with my cardiologist. Cut to the present, and I just met with my cardiologist a couple days ago. I gave him the general rundown of the above story (but didn't mention the edible as a precursor to the 190 bpm heartrate as my mom was in the next room over and the door was wide open), and after checking my vitals he told me that although I did have an elevated heart rate and high blood pressure, my chest pain probably wasn't a huge concern and that he wasn't too worried it was anything life threatening. He told me I could resume taking my meds (which I had temporarily replaced with ashwagandha supplements while I waited for the appointment and have since stopped taking), and had me wear a little device that monitored my heart rate for 24 hours, which I'm set to return in a couple days. He also told me that when I returned it he would check my results and give me an echocardiogram and go from there. So, with any luck, he should be able to figure things out then. However, I wanted to post this to see if anyone could help me get any ideas on what it could be that I could run by him to help speed things up. I also have a recent theory of my own that I want to hear advice on. I was doing research and discovered that Buspirone, when taken with other medication that increases serotonin, can cause serotonin syndrome. After another google search, I found out that weed can increase serotonin levels. The only hole in that theory is that I stopped taking Buspirone after the initial spike in heart rate / blood pressure but had no noticeable changes. Oh and one last thing, if you can't think of anything in regards to what could be causing my elevated heart rate, I actually would like to know why I'm ejaculating so fast so I can fix it because its gotten to the point where I can't even enjoy masturbating because of how fast I cum.
In case I missed anything, here's a list of my symptoms (although I have no idea if they're all correlated):

• High heart rate (anywhere from 90-190 bpm)
• High blood pressure
• Chest pain / tightness on my left side and does not hurt more when I breath in / out (every now and then pain extends to my neck and shoulder)
• Frequently tired
• Insomnia (could be correlated with the above symptom lol)
• Get out of breath faster than usual
• Anxiety (already had this though)
• Mild depression (probably from my breakup)
• Lack of motivation (probably from my ADHD)
• Very rare and random spasms in my neck
• About 10 pounds weight loss in the past few months
• Headaches (could be from the meds)
• Probably something minor that I'm forgetting but if I can't think of it it probably isn't important (will update this list if new symptoms arise)

TLDR: I have a high heart rate and blood pressure and can't figure out why