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2024.05.26 03:54 critical_courtney [Hot Off The Press] — Chapter Nine
![[Hot Off The Press] — Chapter Nine](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/W1mdJ2RCAeqIINZWG1_F6B4tAzaQPblUEVScySgRY8c.jpg "[Hot Off The Press] — Chapter Nine") | https://preview.redd.it/ttq7y223go2d1.jpg?width=1410&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c0e5b7b37345f1b3aaf2a24bcea850bb0bd523c7 submitted by critical_courtney to redditserials [link] [comments] My Discord Buy me a cup of coffee (if you want) Previous Chapter Chapter Nine: (Frankie) As I drove Dad’s old green pickup truck down Congress Street toward the doctor’s office, my mind ran through the last week. Dawn had been in the newsroom every day, writing astrology columns, working with our page layout staff to design horoscopes, and pestering me to take proper meal breaks. The witch was quickly becoming a regular presence in my life, and I didn’t intend for that to happen when I hired her. I didn’t intend for a lot of things to happen, I thought, picturing how she looked in the parking lot on Mackworth Island, the evening breeze blowing her curly hair around her face like a blanket of surprises. That’s what spending time with Dawn felt like. . . constant surprises. I was surprised at how much better I ate when she was around, surprised at how much more raucous the staff seemed in the newsroom when she was around, and surprised at how much happier I was when she was around. “Earth to FeeDee! Did you hear me?” Dad’s voice brought me back to the present as he poked my shoulder. And the man had a poke that would break Facebook (haha, remember when that was a thing?). “Sorry, yeah. What? You were saying something about. . . baseball?” I guessed, flinching as my fingers tightened around the steering wheel. Dad rock played quietly from the stereo I thought I’d muted a few minutes ago. Styx, I think? Franky, Jr. chuckled. “I could tell you were lost in a thoughtstorm—” “Brainstorm,” I corrected him. “Brainstorm,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, no. Good guess. But I wasn’t asking you about baseball. I got a text from your mother. She asked us to pick up some ground turkey on the way home after the appointment.” Sighing, I nodded. “Right. Sure. Ground turkey it is.” My father put his arms behind the chair and stretched while grumbling. His Boston Blue Sox sweater wrinkled so I couldn’t see Wallie the Blue Monster’s face. The mascot was usually plastered front and center on Dad’s baseball shirts and sweaters. He loved that weird blue mascot with the orange hair. “I can’t believe your mother has us grabbing turkey again. I can taste the difference, you know? Between that and beef? It’s not nearly as sweet or crumbly,” Dad said. “And the whole wheat pasta! What a sin. I have to confess to Father Carlos every meal I eat now.” I giggled and rolled my eyes. We drove past the divided highway-ish road that was Franklin Street. It cut Portland’s peninsula in two, separating the Old Port from the houses and parks of Munjoy Hill. “Quit your bellyaching, Dad. You still get to eat pasta. And the leaner meat and added fiber are better for your heart. For fuck’s sake. It’s been a year since your trip to the ER, and you’re still griping about the food. Give it a rest, old man,” I said. Calling him “old man” usually shut him up as he spent most of his energy over the next two minutes just pouting and glaring at me while mumbling curses in Italian. I suppose I should be grateful that he didn’t complain about having to go to the gym regularly or how his bruschetta tasted different now. A worried daughter had to pick her battles. And at 30, I had more battles than I expected in life, trying not to think about the paper for once. Come on now, brain. I thought. You need to be fully present for Dad’s one-year checkup. “Okay,” my brain said. “I won’t think about the paper. How about scenes from the day Dad collapsed?” Well, shit. Fuck you too, brain, I thought. Visions of the grizzled old newspaper editor clutching his chest and falling on his side swam behind my eyes. The sound of his panicked breathing and my cries as I yelled for Richard to call 911. The silent and frantic promises I made God if he’d just save my father from whatever was trying to take him from me. And who could forget the eternity I felt between Richard’s short phone call and the paramedics rushing in with a stretcher, the questions they were asking me, and whatever gibberish I spit out in response? Leaping into the back of that ambulance and holding my dad’s hand tight while his eyes fluttered, and he grimaced. Tortuous hours standing outside an operating room offering God more frantic promises, some of which were still unfulfilled to this day. “FeeDee?” his voice called me back to the present again. “Did you hear me?” I nodded, wiping a small tear away from my left eye before he could see it. That time I’d caught the tail end of his words. “Probably about half an hour, not counting however long we’ll have to wait in Dr. Mendoza’s office.” The newspaper publisher shook his head and rubbed his clean-shaven face. “Uffa,” he muttered. “Doctors. You schedule the appointment, arrive on time, and they STILL make you wait half an hour.” My hand left the gear shift long enough to take his palm in my grasp. “Hey, it’ll be fine. We’ve got plenty of time,” I said, my brain realizing the multiple meanings of that sentence as I tried not to cry again. We drove past Remys department store, and I watched a cyclist nearly collide with a sports car as he tried to ignore the red light and zip through like the traffic laws didn’t apply to him. You would have been splatted like a bug, I thought as we continued past the art college and on toward the cardiologist’s office. “What do you think she’ll say?” Dad asked, suddenly. I shrugged. “Probably not much. I imagine she’ll tell you to cut back on dairy. Ask you how many hours you spend in the gym each week. That kind of stuff.” Franky, Jr. grunted and crossed his arms. “And if you aren’t honest with the doctor, I’ll rat you out and tell her you’re still in the newspaper office five days a week!” I said, sounding more like my mother than I intended. The man visibly flinched and immediately softened his tone. “Oh, come on, FeeDee. I’m only in the office for a few hours. It’s practically part-time work being the publisher.” While we stopped at a red light outside of Channel 7’s downtown TV station, I squinted at my father. “You still need to watch how much you’re working. I mean it. You’re not allowed to overdo it in the office. That means going home when you’re tired or not coming in at all if you’re sick. Don’t push yourself too hard, or I’ll push Dr. Mendoza to write you a note banning you from the office for six months.” Dad’s face paled as he threw up his hands. “Alright already. I’ll shave a few more hours off each week. Geez. Who raised you to be such a newsroom general?” Smiling and feeling my heart warm just before the light turned green, I turned to the grizzled newspaper veteran with a small smile and softly said, “You did, Dad.” A few minutes later, we were seated and checked into the Maine Cardiology Clinic. Dad had to fill out his insurance forms again because he was on Medicare now. He grumbled about that, too, clicking his pen a few times in frustration. The room was chilly and filled with several chairs that lacked cushions. A basic white tile floor squeaked depending on where you stepped. But what absorbed my attention was a large 125-gallon fish tank filled with an assortment of tropical plants and fish. I watched clownfish, cardinalfish, and royal gramma swim around their tank with the ease of a Windows 98 screensaver. All the while, my father continued to grunt and rub his temples trying to recall information for the medical forms. At one point, he even texted Mom. We were the only people in the waiting area aside from a grandpa and his grandson doing one of those I Spy books together. You’re missing the fish, bub! I thought, not understanding how a kid would prefer to be looking for a magnifying glass or an orange shoe on a table of clutter. “Eh, whatever,” I muttered, watching one of the clownfish dart to a toy pirate ship at the bottom of the tank. When Dad came back from the receptionist, and I heard the sliding glass door clatter shut, I looked up and flashed him a smile. He did that boomer guy groan and sighed as he sat down in the chair next to me. I rolled my eyes. He leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “So. . . you see the April report I sent you this morning?” My heart sank as I recalled the glum spreadsheet he’d sent me. The Lighthouse-Journal numbers weren’t great. “Print ad revenue down 17 percent. Subscriber counts down nine percent. Digital ad revenue is up two percent, but it’s a bucket compared to an ocean,” he said. He was right, of course. Digital ad sales weren’t ever going to make up for what commercial print revenue was 30-40 years ago, the very things that allowed newspapers to staff a wide variety of beats from recipe editors to Washington correspondents to film and theatre critics. You’d have reporters at every fucking civic meeting from planning committees to school boards to library oversight groups, and more. Now, we were lucky to have a reporter at every Portland City Council meeting. And depending on the agenda, we might not. “What do you think, sweetie? Should we reconsider the offer from Aidan Global Capital? Because at this rate, we’ll be lucky if the paper makes it another three years.” Dad’s tone wasn’t defeatist. He hated the idea of a New York equity firm buying what our family built as much as I did. Well. . . almost. I clutched my fists in my lap. With my shoulders hunched, I ran through the numbers again. The same figures I’d burned into my skull every night before bed. If our revenue decline continued, we’d have to make more cuts. In six months, we’d stop being a daily paper and cut the Monday edition. In 12 months, we’d cut Monday and Tuesday editions of the paper. In 18 months, I would have to downsize our staff again and maybe look at outsourcing things like page layout to a cheaper graphic design firm elsewhere in the country. I’d gotten quotes from places in Kentucky and Oklahoma where other newspapers had already made this difficult choice. It was a nosedive that, if not improved soon, would see our paper decline in quality to the point that we’d have to take it out back and Old Yeller the bitch. That was preferable to Aiden Global Capital running the place. I’d seen the newspapers they’d bought out and stripped to skeleton crews, starved the page counts, and diluted their articles with AP wire content. For those motherfuckers, it’s always about bleeding as much profit from the news rag as possible, I thought. And when they just can’t bleed anymore, they shutter the publication. That’s how you got news deserts where communities didn’t have people to tell them who would be on the ballot or what the city council decided at their meeting on Tuesday. “I think. . . we need to have faith,” I said, trying to pull out of my mental tailspin. “In God saving our paper?” Shrugging, I smiled. “Perhaps. And maybe he’ll do it through this plucky new astrology editor we just hired. You saw her demographics. She doesn’t just have a wide national audience, but a lot of listeners here in Portland as well. When they get wind of the new content she’s producing for our paper, I have faith enough will subscribe to reverse our recent trends,” I said. Dad nodded and then rubbed his chin. “I guess we’ll see. I hope for all of our sakes the new girl can pull it off,” he said. Then his grin grew cheesy. “And, hey, if she doesn’t work out as a newspaper editor, maybe she’ll work out as a girlfriend.” Coughing on my saliva like only a true cringe master was capable of, I leaned forward and gasped for air, sputtering in the most embarrassing display. When I could speak again and stop feeling the phantom sensations of Dawn’s fingers squeezing the back of my neck while we made out, I turned to Franky, Jr. whose face was red with booming laughter. The grandfather and grandson stared at us with befuddled faces as I scowled. “That’s not even remotely funny,” I hissed. “You’re right, FeeDee. It’s not funny. . . it’s hilarious,” he said before slapping his knee and throwing his head back in laughter again. I crossed my arms. “She’s just a coworker,” I muttered, feeling the memory of what I’d said to Dawn on the island rushing into my head with a shrieking voice calling, “LIAR!” Dad nodded. “A coworker you spent hours with on Macworth Island last week?” “That’s exactly it!” I snapped. “Name one other coworker from the newsroom you would go hiking with,” he said, cocking his head to the side. I scrolled through the list of names on our payroll. “Ghost,” I said, confidently. “Ghost wouldn’t hike if every computer and cell phone on the planet spontaneously combusted. You wanna try again or just save me the time and admit —” My father was interrupted by a nurse walking into the waiting room and calling his name. Saved by the medical staff, I thought. I watched as my father was weighed, had blood work taken, heartrate monitored and listened to by three different devices, and finally a conversation with Dr. Mendoza, who looked over his numbers on her computer screen. She sat on a red stool, legs crossed, long black hair pulled back into a ponytail. The doctor was around my age and looked like she’d just finished her certifications. But her brown eyes were full of confidence. The white coat covering her russet brown skin wrinkled a bit when she leaned forward to speak with my father. “Well, Mr. Ricci, the numbers on my screen show a recovery that’s roughly in line with someone who was on an operating room table a year ago. Ms. Ricci tells me you’ve been exercising more and adjusting your diet as needed. So that’s promising. But why don’t you tell me how you’re feeling?” Dad wasn’t one to complain. But his doctor was giving him an opportunity to ask questions and really listen to him, so the inky wretch sighed and asked, “How long will it take for me to feel. . . not so tired again?” Dr. Mendoza cocked her head to the side. “Are you dealing with a lot of fatigue?” He shrugged. “Things just. . . seem to take a lot more out of me than they did before. And I’m not used to that. It’s a little frustrating, to be honest. I figured six, eight, even 12 months later that feeling would fade, but it hasn’t.” Looking back at the screen again before answering, Dr. Mendoza nodded. “Well, Mr. Ricci, I think you’re a patient with heart trouble recovering in your mid-60s. And while you’ve made adjustments to physical activity and diet, you might just have to accept the fact that age and the heart attack have slowed your pace a little bit. It’s not uncommon for men in your demographic to feel this way even years after surgery.” My father didn’t interrupt her. “But I view this as a chance to reshift your priorities in life. You’re still putting. . . what? 12-15 hours a week in at the newspaper? In addition to hitting the gym three or four days a week? That’s a decent load for a lot of people. If you’re finding yourself increasingly fatigued, maybe lighten your workload and replace it with a new hobby, something not as stressful. And if you still find yourself wanting more energy, I’m happy to refer you to a nutritionist who can help you figure out if different vitamins or further changes to your meals might help.” With a chuckle, my father leaned back on the patient bed. “So, what you’re telling me is. . . I’m getting old?” Dr. Mendoza leaned a little closer and without even a hint of bashfulness in her voice said, “Franky, you’ve been old for years now. It ain’t something new.” The room went silent. And then, in unison, my father and I slapped our knees and laughed until I’m sure the nurses outside were staring at our exam room door in confusion. When we quieted down, Dr. Mendoza turned off her computer monitor and said, “But you know what? My father would say he’s earned those years and that growing old is a privilege. Not everyone is granted that gift, to walk so far along the path.” “Amen,” my father said. “Do you have any more questions?” He shook his head. “Then I’ll look forward to seeing you in six months, Mr. Ricci. Think about what I said. You’ve worked hard all your life. And from looking at Ms. Ricci, I can tell you taught her the same thing. How’s your health?” I shook my head, caught off guard by the shift in her attention. After realizing I hadn’t said words, I finally spoke up, “All quiet on that front.” She raised an eyebrow and hid a smile. “Heart conditions are sometimes passed down from parents to their kids. With your grandfather having died from a heart attack and your father nearly suffering the same fate, I’d just keep an eye on yourself, yeah? Since your father is a patient here, you can always schedule an appointment for an exam, and we’d get you booked for just a couple of weeks out.” I showed her my palms and stood to grab my purse. “I appreciate the offer. And I’ll keep an eye on my ticker, bub. But for now, I’ve got nothing to report, Dr. Mendoza.” She nodded. “I’ll leave you both, then. You can schedule your next appointment at the front desk. Take care, Mr. Ricci. And you too,” she said, winking at me. I fought a scowl. Back in the pickup truck, I sighed. “Something wrong, FeeDee?” I started the vehicle, and the air kicked on with its usual old stale smell. “I. . . want you to consider what the doctor said about cutting even more hours at the paper,” I said. Dad crossed his arms. “Oh, I’m just a little tired here and there. It’s not a big deal —” he said before I interrupted him. “Please! I just. . . think about what happened to Grandpa. And what almost happened to you. It was really close, Dad.” I was fighting back tears while my father was fighting back an argument. “If you won’t listen to your cardiologist, you should listen to me. I’m your daughter, and I need you to take care of yourself for me because. . . I still need you. I always will.” Watching his face turn downward, I sighed again. For a minute, the truck engine was all we heard. The vehicle was old but still had a few miles left in it. And we needed every single one it could spare. “Okay, FeeDee. Okay. I’ll take Mondays off. Maybe I’ll go fishing again. Is that better?” Nodding, I took his hand in mine. “Thank you.” Another beat of silence. “So. . . turkey?” he asked. “Turkey,” I said, and off we went to the market. |
2024.05.25 13:53 Mysterious-Spring732 My struggle in life as an 18 yo
I apologize ahead of time if my sentence structure isn't making sense or isn't correct, I will explain it later.
Thank you
My Mom and Dad had a weird break up but agreed to live together for me (my Dad's idea), so it wouldn't affect me mentally, I didn't realize that since I was about 3 or 4 that they weren't together. My parents weren't ever married, which I think my Dad regrets, because when I was 6, my mom moved her and I up to Oregon (I was living in SoCal). The thing about it is that she didn't let anyone know (so she legit kidnapped me and lied to me my whole life), and for a couple months and a custody battle, I moved back with my dad.
My mom lost the custody battle fair and square, I didn't understand why she didn't win until 12 years later when my dad told me that she couldn't afford me living with her, she had no job, she wasn't living on her own but instead with her parents, and the continuously lied to the judge about how my dad was. When I was growing between the ages of 6 to 13, I lived with my dad and visited my mom.
She was trying to convince me that she'd have an easier time taking care of me since "she's the mother" and "all kids need their mother," which looking back was the worst but best decision I've ever made. I first want to say why it's the best, I've made friends that have been friends since I was 13-14ish, and made connections with them easier then I thought I would. When I first got to high school, I felt like I didn't know anyone, but after seeing my friends get annoyed with me saying hi to every other person in the halls, I knew that I met my "people" that would be great friends. I'm dating someone I feel like I'm actually connected to, and we have plans to move in together soon, which I never thought would happen. I always thought I'd be alone or getting cheated on because of my mom telling me that's what would happen. She caused me to have major trust issues that I'm needing to go to therapy for, along with other more severe things I will explain.
My mom was and still is a heavy Christian, she always reminded me things that she wouldn't do that are in the bible. I used to enjoy going to church because that's how I made a couple of friends, and felt like I belonged there. But my mom used my want to go to church to get things out of me, until I eventually stopped wanting to go all together. She would tell me to do chores, which is normal, but would say, "If you wanna go to a youth group you have to take out the trash and do the dishes." I'd do that and she'd say, "Oh, now it's too late, you took too long and I don't want to pick you up at 8:30, your little brother needs to be in bed before that, and he'll want to go." Over time it got worse.
She made it seem like I was a really bad kid and couldn't learn anything (I had an IEP in middle school for language arts because I wasn't able to retain certain things or write properly, also ADHD, and I had ODD, and I have proof of a video from elementary school for a project, I couldn't speak in proper sentences). Since she said that I was pretty much too stupid to learn anything, or at least made me feel like that, she sent me to a military structured school called OYCP. I was really depressed growing up, didn't like therapy at the time, never really took it seriously, and felt suicidal at times, but I'd never act on it, I'd want to, I tried once or twice but stopped, and continued feeling depressed (It's called Passively Suicidal).
My mom said that she wished I was able to live with her when I was 12, so both got 6 years, my dad got 6 years, and she got 6 years, but it didn't really go as she expected in ~4.5 years. She sent me to OYCP as a way to put me somewhere so she didn't have to deal with me, because she was always lazy about things (I found out from my dad that she would yell and scream at me for crying when I was an newborn/infant, and my dad would ask her if she did all the steps: food, diaper, burp, or rocking, and she would give up at one or two of those). When I was at OYCP, I was in a few fights that I didn't cause, but since I was so numb to everything from before, I didn't feel like doing anything to try and stop people from fighting me. As time went on and we all had our first break a month and a half after we started, I spent time with friends, and my mom told me before I left that I'd still be able to use my phone on the break, but instead gave my phone away, and told me I couldn't because my Platoon leader said to her and all the other parents, which was a lie, I found out from my PL that he didn't call her and told her that. It was a 6 month long program and my mom promised me she'd buy me new speaker, a subwoofer, and a new set of full tires, or the iPhone 14 Pro Max if I graduated from the program (I've needed a phone since I was 6 so I could facetime my mom since she was irrational and kidnapped me and lost the custody battle lol). I went back to the program and we made it to the halfway party, then visitation, which was a day and a little past halfway by 2-3 weeks. And I went back and lasted to second break, which was about a year ago. I got my phone for this break, the majority of the time I was out with friends and wasn't at the house. I was hanging out with friends from before I went to OYCP, and friends I made while I was there. I went back to finish the last two weeks and graduated, At my graduation two of my friends went, my mom, little brother, dad, step-mom (who has done more than my bio mom has, she's been in my life since I was 9, until about the summer last year), and my mom's mom and step-dad. I didn't know my mom's mom and step-dad were there because they left early because "it was a long drive," even though my dad and step-mom drove all the way up to central Oregon from SoCal. (my mom's parents are another story, they were constantly assholes and my mom would sway what was happening with what she was telling my dad, so she could cower like a stray dog. They were mentally and emotionally abusive and were the majority of why my life went sideways)
My mom told me that since I was "rude" to everyone on second break, that she wasn't going to get me the phone or car parts she promised me (again, I was out doing things, she had a curfew at 3 pm on the weekend during a carnival/fair called Boatnic, and the one day she let me go was he mom's birthday I wasn't late for, and she wouldn't let me go out after because that's when things get "shady," for me, who's in the best shape of my life so far and with friends that also went through the same thing as me, and are mostly muscle). That's where I caught her not holding her end of the deal, before I left we had a bad argument of the fact she wasn't being a good parent, and we had a mutual agreement that we'd both change, I changed, but since I saw right away that she didn't, I stopped putting in effort to help anymore. I started talking to this girl that I'm now dating, my mom didn't know about her, because at this point I'm 17 and with turning 18 in less than 6 months felt like I could be eased off of her "restrictions."
She's always been strict and with her parents breathing down her neck and constantly judging her I could see why, but she never had my back and that's how I lost respect for her. I went to SoCal and Pennsylvania over the summer like the past 5ish summers, and kept talking to my current Girlfriend and we got to know each other very well, we didn't have a physical relationship since we started talking nearly a week before I left, and she was with someone already. She was in a toxic relationship with someone younger, and when she turned 18 she broke it off, and he went psycho, but I was making sure she was ok. After a month of talking and getting to know each other more, we started dating, and I asked my mom before we got together how she felt about it (we dated in the past, but I saw that she's gone through therapy and got to the point where her therapist said she didn't need it anymore). My mom told me she'd rather it be another one of my ex's that cheated on me with my best friend and broke up with me then dated him, she didn't know that because I learned from seeing that sometimes not saying things matters more than too much information about things (I probably am sharing too much but, oh well, I need to get it out and be able to practice telling a therapist).
I told my mom my GF and I started dating, and she made it feel like I didn't care about her opinion. When I did, I just noted it, and moved on, and am letting me experience things for myself, whether good or bad. When I was talking to my mom over the summer, I found out my mom drove my car without permission and illegally, My dad had the insurance on my car because it came from California, and my mom suggested that I should tell my dad that he doesn't need to pay insurance for the 5 months (so I could drive friends around on second break), so I talked to him and he turned it off. I was talking with my mom about the fact that she did it without my permission and illegally and tried blaming me for not telling her it shouldn't be on the road when it was her idea in the first place to tell my dad to cut the insurance. The reason why she drove my car, was because she blew up her car's engine and didn't want to rent a car so she used mine, and put an oil change on it and when I got out, she tried getting me to pay for it, but when I looked at what the mileage was for the next one, it was close to having another oil change, she drove my car nearly 2k miles when I was gone and tried telling me that I had to pay for it because I used a full tank of gas while enjoying my life after the hardest challenge I'd ever face. I saved her between $6,700-$13,000. She even tried arguing about me "owing" her $75 for a tire when I had an emergency on my way to school and I couldn't make it into work so she said she'd pay for it, "because its what parents do," I'll never believe her saying that again, and $52 for a fill up on my car so I can have fun with my friends. That's the level of asshole she was at this point.
After I got back from summer vacation, the night I flew in, I had to argue about being able to see my GF that night, and only had 15 minutes with her (15 minute drive each way, 10 when I was driving) because she kept running her mouth and I didn't want to be rude. I was on time, maybe a minute late, but I left when I needed to and got there late because I dropped my phone navigating back to the house, with it being the first time I've driven to her house, I didn't want to crash or get pulled over and get into legal trouble. However it was 11 months of my having my license so I didn't have that bad of a state curfew. She told me as long as I do my chores, I'd be able to see my GF, but each week was a new chore, even after it being on paper there was something new every week. I wanted to go swimming with my GF, my mom said I could go (second time I heard that), but when my mom talked to her mom, they said I couldn't go, because I saw her during the middle of the week during lunch. so I already "had my time with her."
It got worse and my curfew got pushed back, and I was at the point I didn't have my phone for a couple weeks and I couldn't see my GF, or go anywhere during the week because instead of her not having a set time anymore, it was solely based on "my actions," which in fact was not, she was just feeling like since I was two months away from turning 18, she wouldn't have power over me, I was talking to friends to see if they'd be able to take me in when I turn 18 because after 4 years of telling my mom I didn't feel safe there, she didn't do much, things changed for a solid 2-4 weeks and went back to how they were. I lied when I was younger, because I learned that it was ok from my mom constantly lying about my dad, I lied throughout middle school, but when I moved to Oregon, it was a fresh start and I didn't want to lie, I lied maybe a dozen times about two big things and a couple little things, but that was me doing my best, it got to the point I didn't know what I lied about so I'd tell the truth and said that I lied without meaning to, and they always used it against me (this is important later).
My mom always cowered to her parents voice, and let them discipline me, for things that they had no power over, like not cleaning my room, they'd ground me, there were a lot of other things that I can't think of right now, but they'd take my phone and ground me, then threaten me when I told them no to giving up something. Since then, I've hated when adults who aren't my parents, my mom, dad, or step-mom, tried to discipline me and got in trouble at school for it. I wasn't a bad kid, my little brother was born when I was 11, and he got treated better than me, he got a bow and arrow set when he was 5 or 6, one of those birthdays or Christmas's, and got sharp arrows while I got dull ones they didn't want to use anymore. I was always the last on the priority list, I wanted to do sports, my mom said I needed to exercise more and was fat shaming me. Since then, I've been self conscious about my weight, and at 15-16 was 94 pounds, and was 120-130 at 17 before OYCP, but when I got out was 140 and had a better BMI ratio then ever. I haven't been working out anymore because of my depression and trying to graduate in less than 10 days (as of now), and have lost the drive to do anything or go anywhere.
My dad always supported my mom financially, and was even about to give her a car (after breaking up for at least a year or two) before she kidnapped me. I was born in California, and my parents left my mom's parents house due to them being assholes and not letting my dad live life normally, and since I've been visiting, and eventually moving there, they took it out on me, when neither of us did anything wrong besides see through their bullshit. I didn't do anything to make them hate me, I got my mom's step-dad a terrible towel straight from Pittsburg when I went one summer, only because I knew he liked the Steelers and Pittsburg. I got him a Hot Sauce Roulette challenge ( https://www.vat19.com/item/purebred-idiot-hot-sauce-roulette ), and tried to be nice to them, any birthday party I had, they were always distant, and the day after when I'd play with the toys from my birthday, they'd say, "It's not your birthday anymore," and be assholes and I wouldn't get any more "special treatment," which was being treated like an equal to everyone else. They never considered themselves my family or me apart of theirs, I know this because like I said earlier, they left before taking pictures because, and I quote "they didn't want to get in the way of your family and friends."
In the middle of September, my mom and I had an argument, about me being grounded, and the fact she was "setting me up to be an adult," when I've learned more than she ever taught me in 5 years of living there from OYCP. I was upset at the fact she didn't get me the phone she promised me, and she made up bullcrap reasons to say I didn't deserve it. We kept arguing and she tried saying I owed her for the stuff she put into my car, the gas, the tire from two years ago, and the oil change. Then I told her how much I saved her by “letting” her drive my car illegally and not having to rent a car. She made me give her a key so she could "move" it when I wasn't there. Then it escalated to us yelling to the point of the neighbors hearing, me explaining to her that I was depressed and suicidal because I was two months away from turning 18 and she's keeping everything I care about away from me, to the point I nearly broke my knuckles punching things because I didn't have any other outlet.
My registration wasn't updated, my Nana (my dad's mom) and my aunt (my dad's sister) said they'd help pay for it so I can drive it. Since it was close to winter and the whole point of getting a car was so I didn't have to bike in the 30-40 degree weather to work, I was upset she was telling me not to drive it, even though driving without insurance is worse then registration, in Oregon at the time it would've been two warnings, then a fine, and then impounding with repeated times of being pulled over, I got pulled over twice, once for "speeding" (not really the cop lied about a few things, like me speeding past the police station north of the high school on my way "home" from school, I never pasted the police station, I didn't call it out, but I should've recorded it in addition), and the other time was from an OSP on the i5 going 18 over the speed limit, at it's highest, down hill in a new clutched manual tranny 22 year old shitbox (its 65 and goes into 55 not too far later, I was going 78 at highest and for no longer then 15-25 seconds when I was slowing down, I had to use the speed from the last hill to clime the next easier, and didn't account for how fast I was going, my mom thought my speedometer was broken but I explained what happened even if it wasn't).
We argued so much that she got physical and abused me (later admitted to it) and told her therapist and blamed me for it being on her birthday that her therapist "reported" it to CPS (my mom used that to scare me, which it didn't because she's the one who abused me), my dad thought I lied about it when I didn't, I have screen shots of the conversation with her admitting to it but saying she'd lie to the police about everything including abuse). The Sunday before Halloween I got kicked out of the house for asking my mom 2 days before planning on going to the movies, and she said I could go, and I was paying for my GF and my best friend and the girl he liked who he's dating now. Over the weekend I was supposed to mow the lawn, and it rained on Friday, and was too exhausted from a stressful day at school, and on Saturday I didn't cut it because the grass was wet, and didn't dry until 430ish (I was mowing for my mom's parents every weekend for 4 years, so I knew how to do it, but each year would be different on rain and how the leaves on the trees fall and etc.. I mowed a couple times in September and October past 5 pm, but since I wanted to go to the movies at 1 the next day, they told me it has been a "reoccurring rule for years," when it hadn't.
On Sunday morning, the grass was wet from rain so I was going to go to the movies with everyone who I had plans to go with, but my mom's step-dad told me I couldn't go, which I told him, I didn't have to listen to him since he wasn't my parent. But when I talked to my mom she also told me that I couldn't go, and that I had to wait until the grass was dry to go anywhere, and I got upset with her because she made me make plans 24 hours in advance, if it were 23 hours, I wouldn't be able to go, so for her to cancel it within the next hour was understandably upsetting. I got pissed so I punched a standing freezer in our space's kitchen, where my mom's step-dad yelled at me to get out of the house, which I walked outside. He was yelling and cussing at me an inch or two from my face for being immature and that it was my fault for not being able to go to the movies. He whispered in my face to "oh fuck off" which I yelled for the whole neighborhood to hear, "don't tell me to fuck off _____" (I used his name here to show how much I didn't respect him after threatening me with physical abuse and saying that he couldn't wait until I turned 18 so he could kick my ass). He then told me to leave and never come back, so after everyone was inside, I called my friend that I was going to the movies with, and he came and helped me pack most of my things, all things that I felt like I needed. As I was packing up the car, my mom came out, never said a word, was on the phone watching me pack up, and as I was about to leave, my mom finally walked up and said, "If you're leaving and never coming back, give me your key" I did that "and give me your phone" I hesitated but then I powered down my phone, and handed it to her which I think surprised her because I never willingly gave up my phone since I have had an attachment to one since I was 6 years old, She said "ok" and walked away. I said goodbye to my little brother, and drove my registration free shitbox filled to the brim with most of my crap to my friends house.
I ended up going to the movies anyway, me and my GF stayed at my friends house for a solid week before my dad flew out. My mom on Monday came by the school and I avoided seeing her drop off my phone in the front office, because my dad wanted to contact me easier. I talked with counselors saying that I got kicked out, and they all were helping me. I was in line to get food stamps. Then the night before Halloween, I ask if I could pick up my airsoft guns that were in her step-dad's safe (as if I'd run around with an airsoft gun and get tackled by swat), she left it in the rain, wonder why my thousand dollar airsoft gun doesn't work anymore, and said I had other stuff so she wanted me to pick it up. She used that as an excuse to give me an ultimatum, saying that if I came back she'd let me be out until 11, as a new curfew, she wouldn't take my phone (a promise she made before I went to OYCP), her parents wouldn't interfere (another promise she's made a dozen times already), and it would be as if I'm renting there instead (also promised that she made before OYCP was not taking my ability to drive for whatever reason). My dad told her that she was an asshole parent and let me leave after her telling everyone that I ran away and including the church where my old pastor talked to me about the situation where I had witnesses there. She lied to everyone who trusted her, and to people who didn't need to know about what was going on. My friend's mom, who was my mom's best friend, was even lied to, until I told my friend what happened and to tell his mom. They all saw that she lied about it, and she was untrustworthy after telling people for years that I was.
I eventually moved out to Pennsylvania (In August my step-mom asked my dad for a divorce, so he moved to Pennsylvania with his family) . The first weekend in November I moved with my dad, my GF and my best friend helped me move, as well as my best friend's parents. I ended up moving out of the state by the first full week of November. My birthday was 3 weeks away, and my mom didn't wish me a happy birthday, no one on her side did (none of my uncles or cousins, my uncles ex wife's daughter that I still see as a cousin, and her mom wished me a happy birthday, and they aren't even blood.
I posted a conversation I had with my mom about her admitting to abusing me, and everyone I showed the full conversation to saw that she ramped up the conversation when I was asking why she never said happy birthday to me, which in my opinion a reasonable question for a parent who wanted me to be with them for 12 years before it all went down. My mom's oldest brother said it shouldn't go on social media. He's been a drug addict all his life, and keeps relapsing and acts far worse than I ever did. I called him out specifically, showing her saying she did abuse me, and he never responded to it. He said he has been in a hospital for 6 months straight, yet in December my mom sent a video to me of my little brother, and he was sitting next to him not saying a word (this was before I even had a conversation with my mom where she admitted to it).
My mom's brother that's a couple years older said that they didn't care about keeping track of birthdays, and they are teaching other countries English, so he doesn't really go on his phone anymore, pretty much telling me he doesn't have time for family, especially his kids, where he was really absent with.
I have nothing to say about my mom's younger brother, he's deployed in the Air Force and he's the only one of my uncles on my mom's side to treat me like family.
I've since talking to my mom very rarely decided I'm going to be more of an adult then they are, and continue to say happy birthday and happy holidays, mother's day, fathers day, etc.. even to the asshole "grandparents.
My dad bought a house, and I'm living with him, rent free, so I can get on my feet and earn enough money to move my GF out her with me, we've been together for 10 months already and it hasn't felt like it, I haven't seen her or any of my friends back in Oregon for 4 months now and it's been taking a toll on my schoolwork, but I let my teachers and counselor know that I've been having personal issues so I'm able to have more time then I did. I'm taking a couple hours to breathe so I can focus on school and graduate with my class. It's hard focusing on school because I was supposed to graduate in January and shit hit the fan and went completely downhill, I went from behind before OYCP to ahead of my friends.
I'm a senior and have roughly a week to get my work done and get my diploma, and my dad is going to set me up with going to a therapist so I can get help and get out of a constant downward spiral I've been in since September. My relationship with my mom has never been perfect, I used to think it was until I heard all the lies she told, that didn't really make sense but I believed her because she was my mom. I don't think I'll call her mom, I only did in this post because It's easier to write.
If you got to the end, I thank you for taking time out of your day to read this 8 page, over 5K word, 25K character essay of a reddit post, and for any feedback I may or may not receive from this. (I spent a couple hours typing this and went and grammar checked it to the best of my ability)
submitted by Mysterious-Spring732 to u/Mysterious-Spring732 [link] [comments]
Thank you
My Mom and Dad had a weird break up but agreed to live together for me (my Dad's idea), so it wouldn't affect me mentally, I didn't realize that since I was about 3 or 4 that they weren't together. My parents weren't ever married, which I think my Dad regrets, because when I was 6, my mom moved her and I up to Oregon (I was living in SoCal). The thing about it is that she didn't let anyone know (so she legit kidnapped me and lied to me my whole life), and for a couple months and a custody battle, I moved back with my dad.
My mom lost the custody battle fair and square, I didn't understand why she didn't win until 12 years later when my dad told me that she couldn't afford me living with her, she had no job, she wasn't living on her own but instead with her parents, and the continuously lied to the judge about how my dad was. When I was growing between the ages of 6 to 13, I lived with my dad and visited my mom.
She was trying to convince me that she'd have an easier time taking care of me since "she's the mother" and "all kids need their mother," which looking back was the worst but best decision I've ever made. I first want to say why it's the best, I've made friends that have been friends since I was 13-14ish, and made connections with them easier then I thought I would. When I first got to high school, I felt like I didn't know anyone, but after seeing my friends get annoyed with me saying hi to every other person in the halls, I knew that I met my "people" that would be great friends. I'm dating someone I feel like I'm actually connected to, and we have plans to move in together soon, which I never thought would happen. I always thought I'd be alone or getting cheated on because of my mom telling me that's what would happen. She caused me to have major trust issues that I'm needing to go to therapy for, along with other more severe things I will explain.
My mom was and still is a heavy Christian, she always reminded me things that she wouldn't do that are in the bible. I used to enjoy going to church because that's how I made a couple of friends, and felt like I belonged there. But my mom used my want to go to church to get things out of me, until I eventually stopped wanting to go all together. She would tell me to do chores, which is normal, but would say, "If you wanna go to a youth group you have to take out the trash and do the dishes." I'd do that and she'd say, "Oh, now it's too late, you took too long and I don't want to pick you up at 8:30, your little brother needs to be in bed before that, and he'll want to go." Over time it got worse.
She made it seem like I was a really bad kid and couldn't learn anything (I had an IEP in middle school for language arts because I wasn't able to retain certain things or write properly, also ADHD, and I had ODD, and I have proof of a video from elementary school for a project, I couldn't speak in proper sentences). Since she said that I was pretty much too stupid to learn anything, or at least made me feel like that, she sent me to a military structured school called OYCP. I was really depressed growing up, didn't like therapy at the time, never really took it seriously, and felt suicidal at times, but I'd never act on it, I'd want to, I tried once or twice but stopped, and continued feeling depressed (It's called Passively Suicidal).
My mom said that she wished I was able to live with her when I was 12, so both got 6 years, my dad got 6 years, and she got 6 years, but it didn't really go as she expected in ~4.5 years. She sent me to OYCP as a way to put me somewhere so she didn't have to deal with me, because she was always lazy about things (I found out from my dad that she would yell and scream at me for crying when I was an newborn/infant, and my dad would ask her if she did all the steps: food, diaper, burp, or rocking, and she would give up at one or two of those). When I was at OYCP, I was in a few fights that I didn't cause, but since I was so numb to everything from before, I didn't feel like doing anything to try and stop people from fighting me. As time went on and we all had our first break a month and a half after we started, I spent time with friends, and my mom told me before I left that I'd still be able to use my phone on the break, but instead gave my phone away, and told me I couldn't because my Platoon leader said to her and all the other parents, which was a lie, I found out from my PL that he didn't call her and told her that. It was a 6 month long program and my mom promised me she'd buy me new speaker, a subwoofer, and a new set of full tires, or the iPhone 14 Pro Max if I graduated from the program (I've needed a phone since I was 6 so I could facetime my mom since she was irrational and kidnapped me and lost the custody battle lol). I went back to the program and we made it to the halfway party, then visitation, which was a day and a little past halfway by 2-3 weeks. And I went back and lasted to second break, which was about a year ago. I got my phone for this break, the majority of the time I was out with friends and wasn't at the house. I was hanging out with friends from before I went to OYCP, and friends I made while I was there. I went back to finish the last two weeks and graduated, At my graduation two of my friends went, my mom, little brother, dad, step-mom (who has done more than my bio mom has, she's been in my life since I was 9, until about the summer last year), and my mom's mom and step-dad. I didn't know my mom's mom and step-dad were there because they left early because "it was a long drive," even though my dad and step-mom drove all the way up to central Oregon from SoCal. (my mom's parents are another story, they were constantly assholes and my mom would sway what was happening with what she was telling my dad, so she could cower like a stray dog. They were mentally and emotionally abusive and were the majority of why my life went sideways)
My mom told me that since I was "rude" to everyone on second break, that she wasn't going to get me the phone or car parts she promised me (again, I was out doing things, she had a curfew at 3 pm on the weekend during a carnival/fair called Boatnic, and the one day she let me go was he mom's birthday I wasn't late for, and she wouldn't let me go out after because that's when things get "shady," for me, who's in the best shape of my life so far and with friends that also went through the same thing as me, and are mostly muscle). That's where I caught her not holding her end of the deal, before I left we had a bad argument of the fact she wasn't being a good parent, and we had a mutual agreement that we'd both change, I changed, but since I saw right away that she didn't, I stopped putting in effort to help anymore. I started talking to this girl that I'm now dating, my mom didn't know about her, because at this point I'm 17 and with turning 18 in less than 6 months felt like I could be eased off of her "restrictions."
She's always been strict and with her parents breathing down her neck and constantly judging her I could see why, but she never had my back and that's how I lost respect for her. I went to SoCal and Pennsylvania over the summer like the past 5ish summers, and kept talking to my current Girlfriend and we got to know each other very well, we didn't have a physical relationship since we started talking nearly a week before I left, and she was with someone already. She was in a toxic relationship with someone younger, and when she turned 18 she broke it off, and he went psycho, but I was making sure she was ok. After a month of talking and getting to know each other more, we started dating, and I asked my mom before we got together how she felt about it (we dated in the past, but I saw that she's gone through therapy and got to the point where her therapist said she didn't need it anymore). My mom told me she'd rather it be another one of my ex's that cheated on me with my best friend and broke up with me then dated him, she didn't know that because I learned from seeing that sometimes not saying things matters more than too much information about things (I probably am sharing too much but, oh well, I need to get it out and be able to practice telling a therapist).
I told my mom my GF and I started dating, and she made it feel like I didn't care about her opinion. When I did, I just noted it, and moved on, and am letting me experience things for myself, whether good or bad. When I was talking to my mom over the summer, I found out my mom drove my car without permission and illegally, My dad had the insurance on my car because it came from California, and my mom suggested that I should tell my dad that he doesn't need to pay insurance for the 5 months (so I could drive friends around on second break), so I talked to him and he turned it off. I was talking with my mom about the fact that she did it without my permission and illegally and tried blaming me for not telling her it shouldn't be on the road when it was her idea in the first place to tell my dad to cut the insurance. The reason why she drove my car, was because she blew up her car's engine and didn't want to rent a car so she used mine, and put an oil change on it and when I got out, she tried getting me to pay for it, but when I looked at what the mileage was for the next one, it was close to having another oil change, she drove my car nearly 2k miles when I was gone and tried telling me that I had to pay for it because I used a full tank of gas while enjoying my life after the hardest challenge I'd ever face. I saved her between $6,700-$13,000. She even tried arguing about me "owing" her $75 for a tire when I had an emergency on my way to school and I couldn't make it into work so she said she'd pay for it, "because its what parents do," I'll never believe her saying that again, and $52 for a fill up on my car so I can have fun with my friends. That's the level of asshole she was at this point.
After I got back from summer vacation, the night I flew in, I had to argue about being able to see my GF that night, and only had 15 minutes with her (15 minute drive each way, 10 when I was driving) because she kept running her mouth and I didn't want to be rude. I was on time, maybe a minute late, but I left when I needed to and got there late because I dropped my phone navigating back to the house, with it being the first time I've driven to her house, I didn't want to crash or get pulled over and get into legal trouble. However it was 11 months of my having my license so I didn't have that bad of a state curfew. She told me as long as I do my chores, I'd be able to see my GF, but each week was a new chore, even after it being on paper there was something new every week. I wanted to go swimming with my GF, my mom said I could go (second time I heard that), but when my mom talked to her mom, they said I couldn't go, because I saw her during the middle of the week during lunch. so I already "had my time with her."
It got worse and my curfew got pushed back, and I was at the point I didn't have my phone for a couple weeks and I couldn't see my GF, or go anywhere during the week because instead of her not having a set time anymore, it was solely based on "my actions," which in fact was not, she was just feeling like since I was two months away from turning 18, she wouldn't have power over me, I was talking to friends to see if they'd be able to take me in when I turn 18 because after 4 years of telling my mom I didn't feel safe there, she didn't do much, things changed for a solid 2-4 weeks and went back to how they were. I lied when I was younger, because I learned that it was ok from my mom constantly lying about my dad, I lied throughout middle school, but when I moved to Oregon, it was a fresh start and I didn't want to lie, I lied maybe a dozen times about two big things and a couple little things, but that was me doing my best, it got to the point I didn't know what I lied about so I'd tell the truth and said that I lied without meaning to, and they always used it against me (this is important later).
My mom always cowered to her parents voice, and let them discipline me, for things that they had no power over, like not cleaning my room, they'd ground me, there were a lot of other things that I can't think of right now, but they'd take my phone and ground me, then threaten me when I told them no to giving up something. Since then, I've hated when adults who aren't my parents, my mom, dad, or step-mom, tried to discipline me and got in trouble at school for it. I wasn't a bad kid, my little brother was born when I was 11, and he got treated better than me, he got a bow and arrow set when he was 5 or 6, one of those birthdays or Christmas's, and got sharp arrows while I got dull ones they didn't want to use anymore. I was always the last on the priority list, I wanted to do sports, my mom said I needed to exercise more and was fat shaming me. Since then, I've been self conscious about my weight, and at 15-16 was 94 pounds, and was 120-130 at 17 before OYCP, but when I got out was 140 and had a better BMI ratio then ever. I haven't been working out anymore because of my depression and trying to graduate in less than 10 days (as of now), and have lost the drive to do anything or go anywhere.
My dad always supported my mom financially, and was even about to give her a car (after breaking up for at least a year or two) before she kidnapped me. I was born in California, and my parents left my mom's parents house due to them being assholes and not letting my dad live life normally, and since I've been visiting, and eventually moving there, they took it out on me, when neither of us did anything wrong besides see through their bullshit. I didn't do anything to make them hate me, I got my mom's step-dad a terrible towel straight from Pittsburg when I went one summer, only because I knew he liked the Steelers and Pittsburg. I got him a Hot Sauce Roulette challenge ( https://www.vat19.com/item/purebred-idiot-hot-sauce-roulette ), and tried to be nice to them, any birthday party I had, they were always distant, and the day after when I'd play with the toys from my birthday, they'd say, "It's not your birthday anymore," and be assholes and I wouldn't get any more "special treatment," which was being treated like an equal to everyone else. They never considered themselves my family or me apart of theirs, I know this because like I said earlier, they left before taking pictures because, and I quote "they didn't want to get in the way of your family and friends."
In the middle of September, my mom and I had an argument, about me being grounded, and the fact she was "setting me up to be an adult," when I've learned more than she ever taught me in 5 years of living there from OYCP. I was upset at the fact she didn't get me the phone she promised me, and she made up bullcrap reasons to say I didn't deserve it. We kept arguing and she tried saying I owed her for the stuff she put into my car, the gas, the tire from two years ago, and the oil change. Then I told her how much I saved her by “letting” her drive my car illegally and not having to rent a car. She made me give her a key so she could "move" it when I wasn't there. Then it escalated to us yelling to the point of the neighbors hearing, me explaining to her that I was depressed and suicidal because I was two months away from turning 18 and she's keeping everything I care about away from me, to the point I nearly broke my knuckles punching things because I didn't have any other outlet.
My registration wasn't updated, my Nana (my dad's mom) and my aunt (my dad's sister) said they'd help pay for it so I can drive it. Since it was close to winter and the whole point of getting a car was so I didn't have to bike in the 30-40 degree weather to work, I was upset she was telling me not to drive it, even though driving without insurance is worse then registration, in Oregon at the time it would've been two warnings, then a fine, and then impounding with repeated times of being pulled over, I got pulled over twice, once for "speeding" (not really the cop lied about a few things, like me speeding past the police station north of the high school on my way "home" from school, I never pasted the police station, I didn't call it out, but I should've recorded it in addition), and the other time was from an OSP on the i5 going 18 over the speed limit, at it's highest, down hill in a new clutched manual tranny 22 year old shitbox (its 65 and goes into 55 not too far later, I was going 78 at highest and for no longer then 15-25 seconds when I was slowing down, I had to use the speed from the last hill to clime the next easier, and didn't account for how fast I was going, my mom thought my speedometer was broken but I explained what happened even if it wasn't).
We argued so much that she got physical and abused me (later admitted to it) and told her therapist and blamed me for it being on her birthday that her therapist "reported" it to CPS (my mom used that to scare me, which it didn't because she's the one who abused me), my dad thought I lied about it when I didn't, I have screen shots of the conversation with her admitting to it but saying she'd lie to the police about everything including abuse). The Sunday before Halloween I got kicked out of the house for asking my mom 2 days before planning on going to the movies, and she said I could go, and I was paying for my GF and my best friend and the girl he liked who he's dating now. Over the weekend I was supposed to mow the lawn, and it rained on Friday, and was too exhausted from a stressful day at school, and on Saturday I didn't cut it because the grass was wet, and didn't dry until 430ish (I was mowing for my mom's parents every weekend for 4 years, so I knew how to do it, but each year would be different on rain and how the leaves on the trees fall and etc.. I mowed a couple times in September and October past 5 pm, but since I wanted to go to the movies at 1 the next day, they told me it has been a "reoccurring rule for years," when it hadn't.
On Sunday morning, the grass was wet from rain so I was going to go to the movies with everyone who I had plans to go with, but my mom's step-dad told me I couldn't go, which I told him, I didn't have to listen to him since he wasn't my parent. But when I talked to my mom she also told me that I couldn't go, and that I had to wait until the grass was dry to go anywhere, and I got upset with her because she made me make plans 24 hours in advance, if it were 23 hours, I wouldn't be able to go, so for her to cancel it within the next hour was understandably upsetting. I got pissed so I punched a standing freezer in our space's kitchen, where my mom's step-dad yelled at me to get out of the house, which I walked outside. He was yelling and cussing at me an inch or two from my face for being immature and that it was my fault for not being able to go to the movies. He whispered in my face to "oh fuck off" which I yelled for the whole neighborhood to hear, "don't tell me to fuck off _____" (I used his name here to show how much I didn't respect him after threatening me with physical abuse and saying that he couldn't wait until I turned 18 so he could kick my ass). He then told me to leave and never come back, so after everyone was inside, I called my friend that I was going to the movies with, and he came and helped me pack most of my things, all things that I felt like I needed. As I was packing up the car, my mom came out, never said a word, was on the phone watching me pack up, and as I was about to leave, my mom finally walked up and said, "If you're leaving and never coming back, give me your key" I did that "and give me your phone" I hesitated but then I powered down my phone, and handed it to her which I think surprised her because I never willingly gave up my phone since I have had an attachment to one since I was 6 years old, She said "ok" and walked away. I said goodbye to my little brother, and drove my registration free shitbox filled to the brim with most of my crap to my friends house.
I ended up going to the movies anyway, me and my GF stayed at my friends house for a solid week before my dad flew out. My mom on Monday came by the school and I avoided seeing her drop off my phone in the front office, because my dad wanted to contact me easier. I talked with counselors saying that I got kicked out, and they all were helping me. I was in line to get food stamps. Then the night before Halloween, I ask if I could pick up my airsoft guns that were in her step-dad's safe (as if I'd run around with an airsoft gun and get tackled by swat), she left it in the rain, wonder why my thousand dollar airsoft gun doesn't work anymore, and said I had other stuff so she wanted me to pick it up. She used that as an excuse to give me an ultimatum, saying that if I came back she'd let me be out until 11, as a new curfew, she wouldn't take my phone (a promise she made before I went to OYCP), her parents wouldn't interfere (another promise she's made a dozen times already), and it would be as if I'm renting there instead (also promised that she made before OYCP was not taking my ability to drive for whatever reason). My dad told her that she was an asshole parent and let me leave after her telling everyone that I ran away and including the church where my old pastor talked to me about the situation where I had witnesses there. She lied to everyone who trusted her, and to people who didn't need to know about what was going on. My friend's mom, who was my mom's best friend, was even lied to, until I told my friend what happened and to tell his mom. They all saw that she lied about it, and she was untrustworthy after telling people for years that I was.
I eventually moved out to Pennsylvania (In August my step-mom asked my dad for a divorce, so he moved to Pennsylvania with his family) . The first weekend in November I moved with my dad, my GF and my best friend helped me move, as well as my best friend's parents. I ended up moving out of the state by the first full week of November. My birthday was 3 weeks away, and my mom didn't wish me a happy birthday, no one on her side did (none of my uncles or cousins, my uncles ex wife's daughter that I still see as a cousin, and her mom wished me a happy birthday, and they aren't even blood.
I posted a conversation I had with my mom about her admitting to abusing me, and everyone I showed the full conversation to saw that she ramped up the conversation when I was asking why she never said happy birthday to me, which in my opinion a reasonable question for a parent who wanted me to be with them for 12 years before it all went down. My mom's oldest brother said it shouldn't go on social media. He's been a drug addict all his life, and keeps relapsing and acts far worse than I ever did. I called him out specifically, showing her saying she did abuse me, and he never responded to it. He said he has been in a hospital for 6 months straight, yet in December my mom sent a video to me of my little brother, and he was sitting next to him not saying a word (this was before I even had a conversation with my mom where she admitted to it).
My mom's brother that's a couple years older said that they didn't care about keeping track of birthdays, and they are teaching other countries English, so he doesn't really go on his phone anymore, pretty much telling me he doesn't have time for family, especially his kids, where he was really absent with.
I have nothing to say about my mom's younger brother, he's deployed in the Air Force and he's the only one of my uncles on my mom's side to treat me like family.
I've since talking to my mom very rarely decided I'm going to be more of an adult then they are, and continue to say happy birthday and happy holidays, mother's day, fathers day, etc.. even to the asshole "grandparents.
My dad bought a house, and I'm living with him, rent free, so I can get on my feet and earn enough money to move my GF out her with me, we've been together for 10 months already and it hasn't felt like it, I haven't seen her or any of my friends back in Oregon for 4 months now and it's been taking a toll on my schoolwork, but I let my teachers and counselor know that I've been having personal issues so I'm able to have more time then I did. I'm taking a couple hours to breathe so I can focus on school and graduate with my class. It's hard focusing on school because I was supposed to graduate in January and shit hit the fan and went completely downhill, I went from behind before OYCP to ahead of my friends.
I'm a senior and have roughly a week to get my work done and get my diploma, and my dad is going to set me up with going to a therapist so I can get help and get out of a constant downward spiral I've been in since September. My relationship with my mom has never been perfect, I used to think it was until I heard all the lies she told, that didn't really make sense but I believed her because she was my mom. I don't think I'll call her mom, I only did in this post because It's easier to write.
If you got to the end, I thank you for taking time out of your day to read this 8 page, over 5K word, 25K character essay of a reddit post, and for any feedback I may or may not receive from this. (I spent a couple hours typing this and went and grammar checked it to the best of my ability)
2024.05.25 13:00 Upstairs-Object-424 Could I have a civil case?
About three weeks ago I was driving home from work at 10 o’clock at night through a slow town. That’s normally really busy in the daytime, but it was hardly any cars on the road at this time. It was Paterson New Jersey a big steak body truck that has a huge steel flatbed on. It passed me on a double line road but then did not speed up. About 30 seconds later they checked me and I rear-ended them at about 15 miles an hour. I slammed on my brakes and tried to swerve by. There was a telephone pole and I had no choice, but it just hit the corner of their truck. There is practically no damage to their truck at all except for a bent bracket that holds a brake light. My truck is a regular pick up truck and the hood was destroyed, the fender bent the grill and the headlight broken probably $1000 of damage just for parts. The guy said that he didn’t want to go through insurance because he just got done work and doesn’t want to call the police. So I was happy with that because I knew I was responsible so I told him to get a quote and I will pay the quote. He texted me four days later and said that he wants $1000 even for damages and another $500 for whiplash. And I said we were only going 10 or 15 miles an hour. Your truck is twice the size of mine, I am not paying for whiplash. I didn’t suspected fraud so I called his bluff and lied, I told him that I will just pay my insurance deductible and finally clean because it is only $750 and I will get my truck fixed too. Also, if you have whiplash, you should probably get medical attention so my insurance will pay for that. Then he changed his story and said That he will just take my deductible money which would be $750 and then nothing for the whiplash. Later, he told me he did miss three days of work because his back hurt, so which was his neck or his back? This was on a Monday afternoon when we had that conversation and I told him I will give him the money on Friday on payday, but I need him to sign a contract saying that I am free from any further liability whether it be for damages or medical and he said that’s no problem. So I asked him to send me his Documents because I did not get them at the scene and he sent me his Maryland license. Truck was registered in New Jersey. I asked him for his registration and insurance so that I can put it on the contract. I needed the Vin number of the truck and the license plate number And he said he will send it to me when he gets home from work. It is now been two weeks later and I never heard from him again. So I am assuming that he either did not have a license, or it was his work truck and was not supposed to be driving it, or it was just complete fraud Because there was no reason to pass me and go to the exact same speed as me we were the only two cars on the road on a single lane road so I suspect it was fraud and he knew he could get away with it with the truck that he was driving. I have all of our conversations on text message and I’ve been considering Him in civil court since he has not responded to me with his document or asked me for the money and basically dropped off something going on. My truck is really damaged probably $1000 in parts, excluding labor, the hood, fender, headlight, multiple pieces, and his truck had virtually no damage, except for a bent bracket that holds a brake light. I know generally whoever rear somebody for any reason is responsible, but in civil court, a judge might see things differently. Am I completely out of line here or what I have a chance of getting my car paid for by him if a judge saw things my way. I would have no problem paying for his truck because an insurance adjuster would say I caused no damage at all.
submitted by Upstairs-Object-424 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
2024.05.25 10:08 Soxism_ Advice Needed: Kresta Blinds Perth
 | TL:DR Kresta Blinds are ignoring us with our issue. Dont know how to proceed to get it resolved. submitted by Soxism_ to perth [link] [comments] Dont use Kresta (Subiaco). About 3 months ago we asked Kresta Blinds (Subicao) for a measure/quote to get Blackout curtains and Sheers installed in our bedroom. For context we live in an apartment facing east, the morning sun hits our bedroom window directly for the first few hours. One thing in particular I wanted was material thick enough to block out that direct light. Their sales guy come out a few days later. Measured up everything and reassured us that the material he recommended (he forgot his samples for the curtain material) would be thick enough to block this direct sun in the morning. After we put a deposit down, we were told 4 weeks to manufacture and get them installed. It took around 8 weeks, with no communication about the delay. On the day of install (a Friday), the tradie ran into a few install problems based on the job quote (issue #1). He quickly pointed out that they had a few things wrong and he couldnt installed them the way it was noted. Lucky he was very experienced, advised us of the issues and the work around method. It was also pointed out by my partner that they were installed the wrong way around. Blackouts should be in-front of the sheers. (This was my fault as i didnt know, until it was explained to me). The tradie didnt say anything, so not sure if this is the "standard?" Come the next morning we noticed the Sun still very much coming through (issue #2). (In the photos we dont mine the light on the sides, its the material itself, that we were told would be thick enough with a backing to block out the light) https://preview.redd.it/gico3mtngh2d1.jpg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f53dba12585d5039019420ac54d10a02096fb20b https://preview.redd.it/fh0cagtngh2d1.jpg?width=1152&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=28755bab980798323c004030d3ea1735642c2981 We reached out to Kresta admin and the sales rep the next day, with Photos. The sale rep replied saying he would call us on Monday. Monday came, no call. It has now been 4 weeks since we first reach out here is a few things we tried:
How do we get someone from Kresta to at least acknowledge the issue? Only thing i could think of is making a formal complaint with the Consumer Protection Ombudsman? |
2024.05.25 09:51 Upstairs-Celery9380 Possible blockage in intestines? Need advice
My 1.5 year old (f) cat started throwing up around Thursday of last week. At first I wasn’t concerned as she was acting completely normal and sometimes she throws up from eating too quickly. The next couple of days she also threw up a few more times so I decided to keep a close eye on her, but wasn’t too concerned as she was still acting completely normal. On Monday of this week, she threw up around 7-8 times within 15 minutes. Some food but mostly stomach acid as well. I immediately took her to the vet and they did X-rays, showing there is a possible blockage. They gave her anti-nausea medicine and sent me home with some wet food, more anti-nausea medicine, some rebound (nutrients to add to food) and some laxatone. Once we got back from the vet that morning, she ate about 1/2 a can of the wet food with no issues and was acting pretty normal aside from sleeping a bit more from the vet visit. She ended up pooping the next day, so I brought it into the vet to look at. They found a hairball and a few strands of what looked to be off her cat tree (similar to twine). Around 2 days later (Wednesday) she started puking again. She still hasn’t eaten since Monday so it was mostly stomach fluid and meds. She puked twice, about 2 hours apart in the middle of the night. I took her back to the vet to do more X-rays. They said things are moving, but they still are unsure what could be causing it. This time, they gave fluids, antibiotics, and advised to continue the laxatone, meds and wet food. They have been recommending blood work, but at this point I’m not sure what to do as I’ve already spent almost $700 just in the previous visits, and assumed things were moving along and whatever was stuck would work its way out eventually. She has pooped once more since the last vet visit, and while going through it, I noticed more hairballs and one fiber of what looked to be from her cat tree. She still has not eaten and has been acting pretty lethargic today.
Should I wait it out to see if this passes on its own? Do I need to go to another vet to get a second opinion? Should I do the bloodwork to have peace of mind? The vet mentioned it could also be pancreatitis but we won’t know unless blood work is done, and they quoted me around $250 for regular blood work, and an additional $85 for the pancreatitis test. Any advice would be appreciated. This is my first pet and I want to make sure I’m taking care of her in the best way I can. Seeing her suffer has been rough. I have pictures of the X-rays but not sure if I can post them here.
submitted by Upstairs-Celery9380 to AskVet [link] [comments]
Should I wait it out to see if this passes on its own? Do I need to go to another vet to get a second opinion? Should I do the bloodwork to have peace of mind? The vet mentioned it could also be pancreatitis but we won’t know unless blood work is done, and they quoted me around $250 for regular blood work, and an additional $85 for the pancreatitis test. Any advice would be appreciated. This is my first pet and I want to make sure I’m taking care of her in the best way I can. Seeing her suffer has been rough. I have pictures of the X-rays but not sure if I can post them here.
2024.05.25 09:32 Throwaway_ShoreStore My (30F) boyfriend (28M) says I’m not there for him while he’s in crisis but I think he’s gone too far
So long bc of context but
TL;DR - my bf stormed out on me 2 weeks post surgery bc he’s dealing with the stress of his ill grandparent, yelled at me and called me a bitch, told me to figure myself out. I told him and I quote “go yell at your mom like that cuz you’re not gonna talk to me like that.” He now claims I insulted his mom by saying that, called me an inconsiderate bitch, dumb bitch 10x, says im TA and need to apologize for bringing up his mom before he even considers apologizing for calling me names and throwing things. Did I insult his mom, AITAH?
My bf and I have been together for 5 years, living together 7 months. I got surgery 2 weeks ago and have been couch bound and on crutches. He was really great, taking good care of me, the dogs and we would even check in to make sure no one felt overwhelmed or unappreciated.
Monday, I had a breakdown bc of my injury/disability and he was really kind and understanding. Like I even joked around with my friends saying he must be wanting a promotion to husband because of how great things were. We stayed up late watching tv and all great.
Tuesday, on little sleep, we go to my next doc appt. Things still good. He leaves to go help his mom move, which he says has been stressing him out a lot. While he’s over there, they get news that his mom’s dad (his grandpa) had a fall, and broke his hip, but they are unsure if they can operate because of his age and state. He says now he is stressed looking for a flight to another country for his mom to go visit. I ask if he wants to go too. He said we’ll talk. He gets home, cries about the stress and thought of losing his grandpa. I hug him and try to comfort him the best I can. He asks if I’d be okay if he goes for a few days to be with his mom and grandpa. I say yes, I will find a way to get my needs met, I’ll go to my parents. Things still okay.
Weds, he’s supposed to be going to work but he says he’s feeling overwhelmed and depressed. I rub his back and try to tell him that he should go to work since he’ll miss a lot of work being out of town. But that I’ll find a way to take care of the dogs and myself for today since he’s running late. He continued to lay in bed, on and off sleeping or doomscrolling, until he was very late. That day I make my way 3 flights down the stairs in my crutches to walk the two dogs, set up my recovery and ice machines. Not my favorite but I figured I’m doing my part in this state of emergency. He gets home from going out to dinner with friends after work, sleeps another few hours out on the couch with me, even telling me to turn down what I’m watching before going to sleep in bed more. He gets up later, stressed and looking for flights and yelling back and forth with his mom. I told him not to do that, because they’re both going through a hard time but yelling never helps (we’ve had to have discussions over him yelling at me). I ask him to help me clean and get things set up in the AM. He says yes of course.
Thurs, I wake up at 11:30 am and start cleaning the kitchen on one leg. Annoyed but also, just want some cleaning done. He wakes up at noon, asks me if everything is okay. Im finishing up the kitchen and I go to sit down so I said yes. Then, he wasn’t in the room to talk to, he was taking a shower then walked the dogs. Then I took a shower and came out. He took a phone call, I watched tv. He came out, we talked a bit about his phone call with his friend. I didn’t say much else, was quiet because I was really sore and tired, and yes, a bit annoyed at having to clean the kitchen cuz he leaves stuff out all the time. He just storms out of the house saying that I’m ignoring him and “treating him like shit.” I said I was just being quiet. He goes out to lunch with friends, again, and then goes to work. So I walked the dogs again.
Here is where the fight happens: -I texted him saying I don’t think it’s fair what he did. He says the same back to me. -I told him he gives help but then takes it back when he’s mad. And that the yelling is inappropriate. -he said I’m intentionally problematic. I said he’s the one trying to fight. -he said “I help all fucking week and you start acting like a bitch the second my grandpa has an issue and needs some of my attention. Guess what?! You're not the only one with a hip issue now. So how about having a little compassion and recognizing I'm tired, stressed, overwhelmed and might need a little sleep. If that's an issue for you idgaf. Figure out your own shit if you're going to be ungrateful af for the help I can offer. You were pissed the second I didn't get up at the ass crack of dawn to clean up after you.”
I said “Go yell at your mom you're not gonna talk to me like that dude. I know you're stressed and I've been understanding. I'm the one who told you to go. l've been asking for updates. I do care. But you're not gonna dismiss me like that bc you're stressed or say I'm acting like a bitch. I will fucking figure myself”
He said “Go yell at my mom? Fuck you. How about that I will say whatever the fuck I want Fuck you, you inconsiderate heartless bitch. Don't wonder why I don't come home tonight. You're the most disrespectful person I know rn You ever mention my mom again and you'll never see or hear from me again. I promise you that you dumb bitch”
He then comes home from work, while I’m watching tv with my friend, and starts acting mad. He comes in and takes his dog, slams the door in my dog’s face leaving him crying. Comes back in, yelling in my face in front of my friend, throws my full wine glass off my couch side end table, throws the end table, and picks the table back up to throw it. All the meanwhile I’m still on the couch, unable to get up as he threw my crutches too, while my friend is trying to get him to calm down and go. He leaves, we lock the door. He tries to kick it open 3 times before going. Today, the yelling and calling me a bitch has resumed allll day because he says I need to understand he’s going through a rough time and that I brought his mom up in an argument, insulting her.
submitted by Throwaway_ShoreStore to AITAH [link] [comments]
TL;DR - my bf stormed out on me 2 weeks post surgery bc he’s dealing with the stress of his ill grandparent, yelled at me and called me a bitch, told me to figure myself out. I told him and I quote “go yell at your mom like that cuz you’re not gonna talk to me like that.” He now claims I insulted his mom by saying that, called me an inconsiderate bitch, dumb bitch 10x, says im TA and need to apologize for bringing up his mom before he even considers apologizing for calling me names and throwing things. Did I insult his mom, AITAH?
My bf and I have been together for 5 years, living together 7 months. I got surgery 2 weeks ago and have been couch bound and on crutches. He was really great, taking good care of me, the dogs and we would even check in to make sure no one felt overwhelmed or unappreciated.
Monday, I had a breakdown bc of my injury/disability and he was really kind and understanding. Like I even joked around with my friends saying he must be wanting a promotion to husband because of how great things were. We stayed up late watching tv and all great.
Tuesday, on little sleep, we go to my next doc appt. Things still good. He leaves to go help his mom move, which he says has been stressing him out a lot. While he’s over there, they get news that his mom’s dad (his grandpa) had a fall, and broke his hip, but they are unsure if they can operate because of his age and state. He says now he is stressed looking for a flight to another country for his mom to go visit. I ask if he wants to go too. He said we’ll talk. He gets home, cries about the stress and thought of losing his grandpa. I hug him and try to comfort him the best I can. He asks if I’d be okay if he goes for a few days to be with his mom and grandpa. I say yes, I will find a way to get my needs met, I’ll go to my parents. Things still okay.
Weds, he’s supposed to be going to work but he says he’s feeling overwhelmed and depressed. I rub his back and try to tell him that he should go to work since he’ll miss a lot of work being out of town. But that I’ll find a way to take care of the dogs and myself for today since he’s running late. He continued to lay in bed, on and off sleeping or doomscrolling, until he was very late. That day I make my way 3 flights down the stairs in my crutches to walk the two dogs, set up my recovery and ice machines. Not my favorite but I figured I’m doing my part in this state of emergency. He gets home from going out to dinner with friends after work, sleeps another few hours out on the couch with me, even telling me to turn down what I’m watching before going to sleep in bed more. He gets up later, stressed and looking for flights and yelling back and forth with his mom. I told him not to do that, because they’re both going through a hard time but yelling never helps (we’ve had to have discussions over him yelling at me). I ask him to help me clean and get things set up in the AM. He says yes of course.
Thurs, I wake up at 11:30 am and start cleaning the kitchen on one leg. Annoyed but also, just want some cleaning done. He wakes up at noon, asks me if everything is okay. Im finishing up the kitchen and I go to sit down so I said yes. Then, he wasn’t in the room to talk to, he was taking a shower then walked the dogs. Then I took a shower and came out. He took a phone call, I watched tv. He came out, we talked a bit about his phone call with his friend. I didn’t say much else, was quiet because I was really sore and tired, and yes, a bit annoyed at having to clean the kitchen cuz he leaves stuff out all the time. He just storms out of the house saying that I’m ignoring him and “treating him like shit.” I said I was just being quiet. He goes out to lunch with friends, again, and then goes to work. So I walked the dogs again.
Here is where the fight happens: -I texted him saying I don’t think it’s fair what he did. He says the same back to me. -I told him he gives help but then takes it back when he’s mad. And that the yelling is inappropriate. -he said I’m intentionally problematic. I said he’s the one trying to fight. -he said “I help all fucking week and you start acting like a bitch the second my grandpa has an issue and needs some of my attention. Guess what?! You're not the only one with a hip issue now. So how about having a little compassion and recognizing I'm tired, stressed, overwhelmed and might need a little sleep. If that's an issue for you idgaf. Figure out your own shit if you're going to be ungrateful af for the help I can offer. You were pissed the second I didn't get up at the ass crack of dawn to clean up after you.”
I said “Go yell at your mom you're not gonna talk to me like that dude. I know you're stressed and I've been understanding. I'm the one who told you to go. l've been asking for updates. I do care. But you're not gonna dismiss me like that bc you're stressed or say I'm acting like a bitch. I will fucking figure myself”
He said “Go yell at my mom? Fuck you. How about that I will say whatever the fuck I want Fuck you, you inconsiderate heartless bitch. Don't wonder why I don't come home tonight. You're the most disrespectful person I know rn You ever mention my mom again and you'll never see or hear from me again. I promise you that you dumb bitch”
He then comes home from work, while I’m watching tv with my friend, and starts acting mad. He comes in and takes his dog, slams the door in my dog’s face leaving him crying. Comes back in, yelling in my face in front of my friend, throws my full wine glass off my couch side end table, throws the end table, and picks the table back up to throw it. All the meanwhile I’m still on the couch, unable to get up as he threw my crutches too, while my friend is trying to get him to calm down and go. He leaves, we lock the door. He tries to kick it open 3 times before going. Today, the yelling and calling me a bitch has resumed allll day because he says I need to understand he’s going through a rough time and that I brought his mom up in an argument, insulting her.
2024.05.25 07:26 aajsee Boyfriend (49m) got upset at me (27f) for defending my doctor. Is there anything I could hav done differently?
Hi everyone!
I’m in a bit of a dilemma and need some input…
My healthcare situation has been a mess for the past year or so. My family doctor closed his practice in fall of 2023, leaving me without a primary care provider amidst an ongoing health issue that has caused me unbearable pain — unbearable as in I’ve visited the ER thrice since October 2023.
Given the circumstances, I turned to a telehealth service in December 2023. The system in my country (Canada) is overwhelmed, and it’s difficult to get timely and thorough care (my BF is very aware of this). My telehealth doctor sent me for ultrasounds, which revealed two hernias.
After a long wait (about 5 months), I finally got an appointment for a surgical consultation. The telehealth doctor overseeing my case called me at 9 pm on a Friday (tonight) to confirm that I received notice of my surgical consult scheduled for Monday. I appreciated this call because any mix-up would mean waiting another five months for a reschedule. Also because most doctors here don’t bother with follow-ups.
However, when my boyfriend overheard the call, he was immediately upset about the time of the call. He argued that it was highly inappropriate for my doctor to contact me so late. I tried to explain the urgency and the typical after hours work that telehealth doctors do, but he wasn’t having it.
The discussion took a turn when he began using air quotes while referring to my “doctor” and revisited a previous time where I had a pap smear done by my previous male family doctor, questioning the appropriateness of it, despite my assurances that it was strictly professional and that doctor was the most competent I’ve had in my 27 years on earth.
I acknowledged his feelings, saying I understood why it might seem odd to him, given that telehealth and such late interactions weren’t common during his time (he’s Gen X). But no matter how much I tried to reassure him of the professionalism involved, he accused me of defending the doctor!!!!
The conversation escalated, and in frustration, I told him (in tears) he was bullying me with his continuous accusations and lack of trust. This led him to say that I was turning things around, thus labeling me as the bully. I told him I didn’t want to argue, and I thought we were on the same page until he slammed the bedroom door on me and muttered that I “don’t ever back down.” :/
I’m really at a loss here… I was trying to stand my ground and explain the situation from a rational perspective, but now I’m second guessing myself. I’m wondering what went wrong here…? Is there anything I could have done differently?
TLDR; struggling with health issues and without a regular doctor, I appreciated a late call (9 pm) from my telehealth doctor confirming an appointment for a surgical consultation. My boyfriend was upset by the timing and questioned the professionalism, accusing me of defending the doctor. Despite trying to explain the situation, he called me a bully for standing up for myself.
Edit/Update:
Too long, so I posted it as a comment.
submitted by aajsee to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I’m in a bit of a dilemma and need some input…
My healthcare situation has been a mess for the past year or so. My family doctor closed his practice in fall of 2023, leaving me without a primary care provider amidst an ongoing health issue that has caused me unbearable pain — unbearable as in I’ve visited the ER thrice since October 2023.
Given the circumstances, I turned to a telehealth service in December 2023. The system in my country (Canada) is overwhelmed, and it’s difficult to get timely and thorough care (my BF is very aware of this). My telehealth doctor sent me for ultrasounds, which revealed two hernias.
After a long wait (about 5 months), I finally got an appointment for a surgical consultation. The telehealth doctor overseeing my case called me at 9 pm on a Friday (tonight) to confirm that I received notice of my surgical consult scheduled for Monday. I appreciated this call because any mix-up would mean waiting another five months for a reschedule. Also because most doctors here don’t bother with follow-ups.
However, when my boyfriend overheard the call, he was immediately upset about the time of the call. He argued that it was highly inappropriate for my doctor to contact me so late. I tried to explain the urgency and the typical after hours work that telehealth doctors do, but he wasn’t having it.
The discussion took a turn when he began using air quotes while referring to my “doctor” and revisited a previous time where I had a pap smear done by my previous male family doctor, questioning the appropriateness of it, despite my assurances that it was strictly professional and that doctor was the most competent I’ve had in my 27 years on earth.
I acknowledged his feelings, saying I understood why it might seem odd to him, given that telehealth and such late interactions weren’t common during his time (he’s Gen X). But no matter how much I tried to reassure him of the professionalism involved, he accused me of defending the doctor!!!!
The conversation escalated, and in frustration, I told him (in tears) he was bullying me with his continuous accusations and lack of trust. This led him to say that I was turning things around, thus labeling me as the bully. I told him I didn’t want to argue, and I thought we were on the same page until he slammed the bedroom door on me and muttered that I “don’t ever back down.” :/
I’m really at a loss here… I was trying to stand my ground and explain the situation from a rational perspective, but now I’m second guessing myself. I’m wondering what went wrong here…? Is there anything I could have done differently?
TLDR; struggling with health issues and without a regular doctor, I appreciated a late call (9 pm) from my telehealth doctor confirming an appointment for a surgical consultation. My boyfriend was upset by the timing and questioned the professionalism, accusing me of defending the doctor. Despite trying to explain the situation, he called me a bully for standing up for myself.
Edit/Update:
Too long, so I posted it as a comment.
2024.05.25 06:16 KJ5Peat PLEASE READ!!! FFIE Deep Dive Analysis, HOLD???
 | TL;DR: submitted by KJ5Peat to FFIE [link] [comments]
Today the short interest, off-exchange short volume, ... have been released after market. There are a lot of discussions going on about how much FFIE is shorted by hedge funds. To be honest, I got a little scared at the beginning, and then I did my following deep dive: 1. SHO List
There is already an excellent post here, I just wanted to add some of my thoughts: https://www.reddit.com/FFIE/comments/1czuv2i/although_late_im_finally_here_with_my_update_fo
Let's go APES, 3 more days to hold above $1! Don't always let hedge funds take our bananas! |
2024.05.25 00:37 Upstairs-Celery9380 Possible blockage in intestines? Need advice
My 1.5 year old (f) cat started throwing up around Thursday of last week. At first I wasn’t concerned as she was acting completely normal and sometimes she throws up from eating too quickly. The next couple of days she also threw up a few more times so I decided to keep a close eye on her, but wasn’t too concerned as she was still acting completely normal. On Monday of this week, she threw up around 7-8 times within 15 minutes. Some food but mostly stomach acid as well. I immediately took her to the vet and they did X-rays, showing there is a possible blockage. They gave her anti-nausea medicine and sent me home with some wet food, more anti-nausea medicine, some rebound (nutrients to add to food) and some laxatone. Once we got back from the vet that morning, she ate about 1/2 a can of the wet food with no issues and was acting pretty normal aside from sleeping a bit more from the vet visit. She ended up pooping the next day, so I brought it into the vet to look at. They found a hairball and a few strands of what looked to be off her cat tree (similar to twine). Around 2 days later (Wednesday) she started puking again. She still hasn’t eaten since Monday so it was mostly stomach fluid and meds. She puked twice, about 2 hours apart in the middle of the night. I took her back to the vet to do more X-rays. They said things are moving, but they still are unsure what could be causing it. This time, they gave fluids, antibiotics, and advised to continue the laxatone, meds and wet food. They have been recommending blood work, but at this point I’m not sure what to do as I’ve already spent almost $700 just in the previous visits, and assumed things were moving along and whatever was stuck would work its way out eventually. She has pooped once more since the last vet visit, and while going through it, I noticed more hairballs and one fiber of what looked to be from her cat tree. She still has not eaten and has been acting pretty lethargic today.
Should I wait it out to see if this passes on its own? Do I need to go to another vet to get a second opinion? Should I do the bloodwork to have peace of mind? The vet mentioned it could also be pancreatitis but we won’t know unless blood work is done, and they quoted me around $250 for regular blood work, and an additional $85 for the pancreatitis test. Any advice would be appreciated. This is my first pet and I want to make sure I’m taking care of her in the best way I can. Seeing her suffer has been rough. I have pictures of the X-rays but not sure if I can post them here.
submitted by Upstairs-Celery9380 to CatAdvice [link] [comments]
Should I wait it out to see if this passes on its own? Do I need to go to another vet to get a second opinion? Should I do the bloodwork to have peace of mind? The vet mentioned it could also be pancreatitis but we won’t know unless blood work is done, and they quoted me around $250 for regular blood work, and an additional $85 for the pancreatitis test. Any advice would be appreciated. This is my first pet and I want to make sure I’m taking care of her in the best way I can. Seeing her suffer has been rough. I have pictures of the X-rays but not sure if I can post them here.
2024.05.24 14:19 AdditionalWar8759 Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast: Episode from May 10th, “Chapter 26: Jo Dirt”
***ads play and podcast starts at 1:39
Intro (Timestamp: 1:39) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss, and today we have Jo back in the studio. Jo Wenberg, everybody. - Rachel: This is my first repeat guest. I'm so excited to have her back because we're talking about the reunion part two. She made her debut appearance. - Rachel: This is her very first reunion. She told me how much she appreciated being on my podcast - Jo: Yes! - Rachel: Last time and how much that meant to her because she felt like she finally had a voice. So I wanted to have Jo back to speak on the reunion experience because this was not what you were expecting, I could imagine. - Jo: Not at all, and I'm so glad to be back, Raquel, because whether or not I stumble upon my words and all that, this is a safe space for me, so I'm so grateful.
Do you feel like it was validating in a way? (Timestamp: 2:36) - Jo: Yes, so many things that you didn't see and you did see, but I think that for me personally, walking off the stage, I felt really validated, and I didn't expect that anybody would want to validate my feelings or anything that had happened. I mean, looking at what you had gone through last season, you were not, I don't want to bring you back up from last season, but I had that in the back of my mind that it could 100% be a shit show. - Jo: And especially because you were talked about so much on this reunion. So I was very validated and felt 8 out of 10 validated on this reunion. - Rachel: It did feel like you and Schwartz were not quite on the same page. - Jo: We were not on the same page. We were on the same page in terms of zero. It was very interesting. - Rachel: It seems to be a consistent…. - Jo: Consistent theme throughout. Big hug at Crafty, which by the way, Crafty means where you can go and have like a little snack, another hug, and then on camera it was different, so. - Rachel: To be expected, I guess. - Jo: To be expected, I guess, as well.
So when you were asked about the timeline of your relationship, Schwartz isn't disputing the details of your relationship. Like he fully agrees to how many times you guys had sex, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. (Timestamp: 3:50) - Jo: Yes, it's like the back end of everything when you think about like a book, and you open the book up. He's not really disputing like chapters one, three, seven, and nine. - Rachel: He's disputing the existence of the book. - Jo: He's disputing the existence of the book! There it is. Perfect! - Rachel: Because he's literally saying you guys were not in a relationship, - Jo: Correct - Rachel: But you clearly were. - Jo: We were. And in the chapters, you can see it, but the book and the cover and the back, he's disputing like the whole thing, like the label. - Rachel: The label. - Jo: And he doesn't like a label. So now when I have to remind myself how I felt about him, the reason why Tom, I believe, didn't want to put a label on anything was because I was a very present person. And I knew in my mind that I was trying to help Tom by helping him with his emotions after Katie and everything. - Jo: And I was trying to motivate him to be more focused on saying things in the, this is gonna sound whack, but like saying things in the present moment, not be so future focused, because he would always be on his phone and he would always be worried about something in the future. So when I came into the picture, it was a very enlightening experience for him. And he's said it before. - Jo: I think that that scared him. And I knew that it would be a process to get through to him on this in terms of his mindset. I also think that when it came down to it, every situation that him and I were in, we were able to navigate it very well together. - Jo: It's a two way street. And honestly, I don't want him to ever think that he did anything incorrect. I don't want me to think I ever did anything incorrect. I think at the end of the day, the answer is I don't know. No clue.
Yeah. From my perspective, it seems like Schwartz is love avoidant in ending that relationship with Katie. And going through the divorce, it seemed like he was in a state of mind where he was scared to love again. (Timestamp: 6:00) - Rachel: Although you guys did tell each other that you loved each other. - Jo: I think he was scared to love again, and then, you're right, and then I came into the picture, and he did not know what to do with it, and then really back paddled. And then I'm gonna go into another potential relationship and then not explain why we broke up. I don't know, but I also know that that's him to work that out. - Jo: I've been sad about it, but I've also been able to realize that he didn't really take me seriously, I guess.
But it seemed like the cast pretty much supported you and all agreed, including Katie, that Schwartz was leading you on. And Katie even describes Schwartz as having a fuck boy behavior. Was that validating to hear coming from Katie? And did you expect that at all? (Timestamp: 6:45) - Jo: No, I did not expect Katie to call out Schwartz as a fuck boy. I did not expect her to even go there. And was it validating? - Jo: No, because again, it's almost as if you're just kind of putting a little bit of a bandaid on something that you just ripped open for a year. Like, Jo's this, Jo's that, Jo's this. And then I'm gonna be on the reunion and be like, hey, by the way, you're a fuck boy. - Jo: Okay, well, where was that before? When you ripped me a new one every second you got. And then validation doesn't come from Katie. - Jo: Validation came, honestly, validation comes from the people that I'm closest to. So if I get validation from Scheana and Brock and Lala, and that doesn't go unnoticed. Those sweet people at the reunion were, even Lisa and Andy even were like, wow. We all thought Jo was lying, you know? And then Lala even was like, holy! - Rachel: I love how Lala called him out, really breadcrumbing you. That's exactly what he was doing. He didn't want to commit in a relationship. You guys were in a relationship, basically doing everything that a couple would do together. - Jo: Everything. I mean, I don't know how to more explain like, okay, let's say that you're dating somebody, and you go on a date, great. And then you wake up the next day and you're together, and then you go walk the dogs, and then you do like fun activities for a year and a half. - Jo: I don't know how else you would date somebody. I mean, that is, and also we're talking like, we're in our 30, you know, he's almost 40. Like, so we were committed. And I will say that 100%.
Do you take accountability for staying in that relationship despite Schwartz not putting a label on it? (Timestamp: 8:43) - Jo: Well, when we were together, there was a label, so.
So in your mind, going into this season, you guys were in a committed relationship. (Timestamp: 8:54) - Jo: Correct - Rachel: So then how did it feel… - Jo: When he hid me in certain scenes. I was just told to basically, like put a single wristband on and then like paddleboard and be like, as if we're just friends, because I was protecting what I thought was the most important thing at the time, which was the relationship of Schwartz and I. I just fell in love and I'm an idiot.
Looking back now, do you regret how many chances you gave him during this filming and him acting one way on camera and another off? (Timestamp: 9:22) - Jo: Um, I don't know how to explain this, but like, (Jo starts to get emotional) I still have a very hard time not being like around him. Um, do I regret it? No - Rachel: Why? - Jo: I don’t know. I still really, like, I've never been more happy like, weirdly, in a weird way, like, more happy with somebody. But I know it's this very relatable thing where it's like, you know, that person's probably clearly not good for you. - Jo: But that doesn't mean that doesn't come with emotions. I've never laughed with somebody more, and I'm looking for that again. Maybe I should regret it. - Jo: I don't know if I regret it, but he shouldn't have to have this much weight on my life. But I've never met somebody who, just the way that we would, I mean, I could just see us being old together. That's the thing. - Jo: It's like minus the TV, minus the show, minus the phones, minus all this bullshit, you know? I could see 100% him and I being easily compatible. But that's not the case. - Jo: So, I shouldn't have given him so many chances. And thinking about it, I do think that what even means, what is giving somebody a chance if somebody doesn't, your partner doesn't even consider you even a partner? If he didn't even consider me a partner, then maybe I didn't even have to even give him another chance. - Rachel: I think it's important to remember, if you're in a situationship like this, you are worthy of a loving, committed relationship, and you deserve that. - Jo: I agree - Rachel: And don't settle for something less.
How did it feel seeing or hearing, rather, Schwartz talk about his new girlfriend in front of you? (Timestamp: 11:23) - Jo: Well, it didn't feel good, but I also, this is gonna sound really, really weird, but I remember looking at Katie, and she just did not have emotion on her face. And I'm like, wow, I wanna get to that point. Not that point, but she just didn't give a F about whether or not who he was dating. - Jo: Shout out to, I will say that, that was the most realistic visual that I've remember seen. But I mean, I also felt empowered because he said it finally out loud to the world because he didn't have the confidence to say it to me.
At what point was it that you were like, shoot, this is not a relationship anymore? (Timestamp: 12:10) - Jo: I went to go pick up my stuff, and no, he hugged me with a half hug. It was like a pat pat pat on the back.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 14:42
Do you feel like, cause I know you're still hung up on it, and you're still processing it. (Timestamp: 14:42) - Jo: Processing it for sure - Rachel: And I feel like with the show and everything, you're reliving things, so it's harder to move on. - Jo: I don't know how you did it again, but… - Rachel: Schwartz did ask you, like, are you dating anyone? - Jo: Yeah, he asked me at the reunion, he's sitting two feet away from me, not even that, like one foot away from me, and he's like, are you dating anybody? I was like, no. Like, you know that I'm not dating anybody.
Do you feel like moving forward? (Timestamp: 15:07) - Jo: I'm excited. I'm excited, very much so. - Rachel: You feel like you’re ready? - Jo: No, I don't feel like I'm ready to date anybody unless I actually get to a place where it just happens. It just, for me, it just, like I could meet somebody like tonight and be like, hey, you know, cause I don't know if I'm ready, but I'm ready to do it with somebody else that's ready to do it too, you know? - Jo: Ready for me means that there's not like a ready or not a ready. So people think that needs to be, I need to move on from a certain person before I can get involved with another person. - Jo: To be honest with you, in reality, I still think about the wonderful moments of other, like there's always lingering moments, right? It doesn't need to be like a black and white thing. - Jo: When I will find somebody, I know that I will not be potentially 100% over Schwartz, but I know that the person that will be with me will help me get there and take it day by day because that other person, too, probably has an ex that is a little bit hung up. - Jo: Potentially, who knows? I'm excited to see what the future holds, and if that's the right person, they're gonna understand my journey because it's not easy to do it not only on my own, but also on TV. So I don't think that I have an answer for that, actually, because I don't think that there needs to be a cut clean. - Jo: Everyone thinks that that should be the thing, and I just don't think that. Am I over Schwartz? No, but my person that probably will come over into my life, he'll be able to understand that. And if he doesn't, then that's not the right person.
How does it feel knowing that Schwartz is now dating this girlfriend of his publicly? (Timestamp: 16:44) - Jo: Depends on the day. How I feel about that is, you know, like on a Monday, I'm like, I'm so proud of him. I'm so grateful that he's doing this and he's doing it. - Jo: Not necessarily publicly or privately, whatever it is, but you know, I'm like, on a Monday, I'm like, oh, I'm so glad that he's happy. I'm hoping he's happy. And then on a Tuesday, I'll be doing hair and something will trigger me, you know? - Jo: And I'm like, I miss him. I'm very grateful that he's happy because I know when unhappiness comes out of you, like a volcano, it shows. At the end of the day, at the end of the week, I'm very happy that he's got a beautiful relationship and he's happy. So as much as I'm sad, it's more of, I'm happy for him. I'm very proud of him. I'm hoping he finds happiness.
I just wanna commend you really quick because you feel your emotions really hard. (Timestamp: 17:29) - Jo: So do you - Rachel: Yeah, but I have this ability, which is a great thing, to suppress my emotions. And you, feeling your emotions fully helps you heal and you're not denying anything and you have the right to feel whatever you're feeling. So I just wanna point that out. - Jo: Thank you, babe. I really just appreciate that. Back to the reunion.
Yeah, back to the reunion. Tom Sandoval says about your relationship with Schwartz, the way that it was portrayed on the show was different than how it was. Would you agree? (Timestamp: 18:01) - Jo: Well, I don't know why he would say that because he wasn't in the relationship, so. - Rachel: I would agree with him, personally. How you saw the relationship on the show is not how it actually was in real life. - Jo: Yeah, that makes sense. Because in my mind, I was thinking like, why would you speak on my relationship when you don't even really know about my relationship? But then he's kind of pointing it out that like, yep, he's right. - Jo: Yep, I guess we're gonna give Tom Sandoval a point. I would agree, you're right. I just read that question incorrect. - Rachel: No, I know, but I think other people may have also because immediately Lala is like, don't stop gaslighting her. It's not the show. Got a little defensive over that. - Jo: It was nice to see Tom Sandoval kind of step up and be like, guys, by the way, whether or not he was being kind or not to me, it was almost like his truth was coming out about the Schwartz and Jo show, basically. - Rachel: Yeah, totally. And it was nice to see Lala supporting you, too, because her point… - Jo: Oh my gosh, it was amazing. - Rachel: Her point was like, okay, he's gaslighting you, and this is… - Jo: She was like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. - Rachel: It's literally making you crazy. - Jo: I looked at Lala, I remember she was across from me, and I was just like, oh my gosh, thank you so much. I wanted to wink at her. - Rachel: So would you agree? - Jo: Yeah I would agree - Rachel: Yeah - Jo: Yep
Would you blame the show for the discrepancies? (Timestamp: 19:21) - Jo: No, I blame Schwartz - Rachel: Fair - Jo: Sorry - Rachel: Yeah - Jo: He had a choice
When Andy asks if Schwartz ever asked you to lie about your relationship during filming, you said no. (Timestamp: 19:28) - Jo: Great. This is a really good point. - Rachel: Do you still stand by that? - Jo: No.
Why did you feel the need to lie for him? (Timestamp: 19:40) - Jo: I don't know. I think at the moment, I mean, my heart and my soul were still so attached to him. And it was moment of like, I'll just sit here and the quicker I can answer these questions, the quicker I can kind of get off the stage kind of thing. - Jo: If I had said yes, I know that shorts would have turned on me kind of, I just could feel that he might have been like, because you could see him being like, thank gosh, she said no. And I was doing something out of for him than out of for me. Oh, I remember that moment. I was like, why did I say no?
Do you still feel a responsibility to protect his feelings? (Timestamp: 20:15) - Jo: No, I don't. I'm ready to like say that out loud to the freaking universe.
Do you think he takes your feelings into consideration the same way? (Timestamp: 20:26) - Jo: Nope, nope, nope, not even close. He could give two shits about me. - Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. - Jo: Me too, well, I'm actually grateful because then that makes me get to a place of healing.
The reunion wasn't that long ago. What's happened between then and now? (Timestamp: 20:41) - Jo: It wasn't like I was covering up for him or anything. It was more of in the moment when you're in a, can you imagine you're sitting there, first reunion, the man of your dreams is next to you. He's dating a new girlfriend. - Jo: The last thing you want to do is piss him off. Andy Cohen asked me and said, hey, do you feel like you were covering up for, or whatever the question was? And I said, no, because in my heart, I didn't think at that moment that I was. - Jo: Looking back, I definitely was doing, not covering up, but definitely being a little not true to myself. And then now, when I'm sitting here talking to you, Raquel, like I get to a place where I'm being able to express looking at something that happened in the past, living it right now in the present, and then going into the future, I'm hopefully saying that I'm over him. - Rachel: I think from that moment that you said, no, I haven't lied for him, to the moment that you're sitting in this chair now, you've realized that you've betrayed yourself. - Jo: 100%, I definitely did. And yeah, the moment I sat in that chair on that stage and said no, and then sitting here and saying, I wish I would have said yes to Andy Cohen's question at the reunion, I feel like I betrayed myself.
I understand this was your first reunion, right? (Timestamp: 22:11) - Jo: Yes - Rachel: I understand that pressure. - Jo: Oh my god, Raquel, yeah, you've, yes. - Rachel: Like walking to a room full of people that haven't supported you… - Jo: And you're like, oh my god, hi. - Rachel: When you walk onto the stage, it's almost like, all right, here we go, and you almost disassociate, I don't know. For me, anyway, it was like an out-of-body experience. You're like, okay, I am literally stepping. - Jo: Yes. - Rachel: And walking, I can see my hands and my feet. - Jo: It's weird. And it's like an airplane taking off. You know, when you're about to take off on, and you're like, here we go. And you're like, where are my feet? Where are my hands? Am I gripping? I'm good, okay. And three, two, one, bam.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 26:27
I think it's important to talk about how the girls were so mean to you this whole season. I'm thinking back to Hotel Ziggy and them all giggling, gossiping. (Timestamp: 26:27) - Jo: I hope that Jo's uncomfortable at Hotel Ziggy. I hope that she's the rat girl. I can't believe she plugged your ears. I can't believe that she would even show up here.
And then cut to the reunion that we just watched, and they are all singing a very different tune. (Timestamp: 26:48) - Jo: And that basically is such a disconnect for my brain because you're sitting there and you're witnessing these people that rocked your therapy bill. I was very uncomfortable. It's almost as if you're a 10 year old and then you're high fiving your best friend, and then she turns on you and dates your little cute crush. - Jo: It's a weird thing where they say these all these nasty things and then they come at me at the reunion and they're supporting me. And you're looking at them like, I don't even have your phone number
The excuse that they gave for bullying you was that supposedly you knew about my involvement with Tom Sandoval. (Timestamp: 27:28) - Jo: Listen, when you rip me apart at not only a function, AKA Hotel Ziggy, and tell me that I want her to be uncomfortable, I want Jo, she's a rat girl, and then you go three months later, what is that, 12 weeks later, film the reunion, and then you're saying I'm so sorry, Jo, from Katie, about the way that, your brain's not gonna compute that, and it's gonna take a long time from going from Hotel Ziggy to the reunion, where it's these women are ripping me apart, and then all of a sudden, supporting me. - Rachel: Yeah, I can see how confusing that can be, because this whole time, you're like, I'm not safe around these people. - Jo: I'm not safe around these people. - Rachel: And then it's like a switch, where you're like, all of a sudden, now… - Jo: You see my face being like… - Rachel: You were shocked. - Jo: Shocked.
It just seems like there's a double standard for the girls icing you out. Kyle Chan knew about my involvement with Tom, and they're all supporting him at this finale party. And it just seems like there's no consequences for anyone but Jo. (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: It seems like the girls are holding you to a higher standard of accountability than the other guys. - Jo: Kyle Chan apparently is very much very close to this crew, this group. And Max is also very much connected, and then he slept with Katie. And at the end of the day, it was all focused on the female who was dating Tom Schwartz at the time. - Jo: And I was getting ridiculed and ripped apart. It all amounts to nothing because now they're understanding my perspective. It's like, okay, so now you wanna like, I will say Lala was really, I really think that, I don't wanna…
Speaking of Lala, she asked why everyone is gaslighting you about these feelings that you have. It seems like everyone kind of sees your side here. (Timestamp: 29:37) - Jo: I think I started crying. I think so, for sure. Because in my mind, she was really breaking a moment that really affected me. It was a moment of like, wow… - Rachel: I feel seen. - Jo: I feel seen. It's not like they're my best friends. Like I don't even have their fricking phone numbers. But I'm just saying in that moment, it's a little bit too late. - Rachel: Okay, yeah. - Jo: Sorry, I will say this though. If there comes a place where Lala and I could, I would open up a part of my heart to her, not my whole, definitely. And I think that might be it because she was really, really sweet. - Rachel: Yeah - Jo: Yeah
So you would have liked to have more support this season. (Timestamp: 30:22) - Jo: I would have really liked to have more support this season. And the only one that did support me in the female arena was Lala. And I will say this, Ally too. - Jo: It wasn't like it was like my best friends, right? I got ripped in the way that you did too. So it was nice that there was even a good crumble of a little 25% of support from Lala, where it was like, thank goodness. Cause everybody else was like, who's this rat girl?
You broke down when Andy asked Katie about the name calling. (Timestamp: 30:52) - Jo: Oh yeah, massively. - Rachel: Why did that hit you so hard? - Jo: When Andy Cohen asked me about the name calling, I remember thinking, oh no, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. In my mind, I remember thinking like, do I go put the pathetic rat and like, just kind of like, in my mind, pathetic would be like me just sitting there stoically and being like, yeah, everything's fine. And it just, it did not register. - Jo: And I just felt like I was just so emotionally sad and it just all flooded out. And then when Katie was trying to deny some of the, you know, the name calling. - Rachel: Yeah, you held your ground. - Jo: I did, with some tears on my cheeks. - Rachel: Yes, you literally mirrored back to her exactly what she said. - Jo: There's no excuse. You don't get to call me this, that and the other. You don't get to talk to me that way. So I felt good about being like, there's no excuse. You don't get to talk about the fact that you're going through something really tough. What do you think I'm going through, Katie?
Her excuse was she wasn't supported by many people in this room. She said, it's not about you. It wasn't nice. It wasn't kind. (Timestamp: 31:50) - Jo: I'm sorry that I wasn't kind. And I'm sorry that it wasn't nice. Okay, how are you gonna fix that? - Rachel: Right, and what she said on part one of the reunion, she said, it's intention versus impact. Like you could have an intention of not bringing this much harm, but the way that it impacted you was insanity. - Jo: Insanity, pick a lane. - Rachel: I know, and that's literally all I could think about when Katie was saying this apology to you, because it's like, in a way, I empathize with her that, yeah, it wasn't about you. Maybe it wasn't about you, Jo. She was dealing with her shit. - Jo: But how would I know? How would I know? - Rachel: But her actions still have consequences on your life.
Was it hard watching that scene back, Katie, trying to excuse her behavior towards you? (Timestamp: 32:40) - Jo: Yeah, very hard.
Were you proud of how you handled it? (Timestamp: 32:48) - Jo: I was, yeah. I felt like I handled it pretty well.
Katie sort of gives you an apology. Do you forgive her for her hurtful words? (Timestamp: 32:53) - Jo: I do not forgive her. I also don't forget it, and I also won't be able to understand it unless I get an explanation, because it's very much of a double standard.
Ariana has said that she hasn't watched this season. Are there any moments from this season you wish you hadn't watched back? (Timestamp: 33:11) - Jo: There's a couple moments that I feel like I wish I would not have watched back. I think the one that really stuck with me was the scene where Schwartz and I were paddle boarding, because that was really happiness for both of us. The first part of the scene where he comes in with his blonde hair, and we have the breakup quote unquote scene where I'm doing the bird whistle to Gordo and Butters, and we just had that cadence together. - Jo: And then I think the other part that I regret watching was when I was crying at the finale where Katie was kind of, well, was ripping me a new one. I mean, that was tough to watch. And it was also tough to watch Schwartz kind of then stand up for Katie afterwards. - Jo: I think that the biggest thing is that Schwartz is very much tied to Katie. And whenever that's over, he'll be free. I think the other thing that I regret was the way that I sat in my confessionals. - Rachel: Watching that back - Jo: Mmmhmm, not a good look
Outro (Timeastamp: 34:24) - Rachel: Jo, thank you for joining me today. I'm so happy to have you back and just to know that you're hanging in there. And where can we find you on Instagram? You have some cute merch. - Jo: So it's shopjo, my gosh, S-H-O-P-J-O-M-Y-G-O-S-H on my Instagram. Jomygosh. - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
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Intro (Timestamp: 1:39) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss, and today we have Jo back in the studio. Jo Wenberg, everybody. - Rachel: This is my first repeat guest. I'm so excited to have her back because we're talking about the reunion part two. She made her debut appearance. - Rachel: This is her very first reunion. She told me how much she appreciated being on my podcast - Jo: Yes! - Rachel: Last time and how much that meant to her because she felt like she finally had a voice. So I wanted to have Jo back to speak on the reunion experience because this was not what you were expecting, I could imagine. - Jo: Not at all, and I'm so glad to be back, Raquel, because whether or not I stumble upon my words and all that, this is a safe space for me, so I'm so grateful.
Do you feel like it was validating in a way? (Timestamp: 2:36) - Jo: Yes, so many things that you didn't see and you did see, but I think that for me personally, walking off the stage, I felt really validated, and I didn't expect that anybody would want to validate my feelings or anything that had happened. I mean, looking at what you had gone through last season, you were not, I don't want to bring you back up from last season, but I had that in the back of my mind that it could 100% be a shit show. - Jo: And especially because you were talked about so much on this reunion. So I was very validated and felt 8 out of 10 validated on this reunion. - Rachel: It did feel like you and Schwartz were not quite on the same page. - Jo: We were not on the same page. We were on the same page in terms of zero. It was very interesting. - Rachel: It seems to be a consistent…. - Jo: Consistent theme throughout. Big hug at Crafty, which by the way, Crafty means where you can go and have like a little snack, another hug, and then on camera it was different, so. - Rachel: To be expected, I guess. - Jo: To be expected, I guess, as well.
So when you were asked about the timeline of your relationship, Schwartz isn't disputing the details of your relationship. Like he fully agrees to how many times you guys had sex, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. (Timestamp: 3:50) - Jo: Yes, it's like the back end of everything when you think about like a book, and you open the book up. He's not really disputing like chapters one, three, seven, and nine. - Rachel: He's disputing the existence of the book. - Jo: He's disputing the existence of the book! There it is. Perfect! - Rachel: Because he's literally saying you guys were not in a relationship, - Jo: Correct - Rachel: But you clearly were. - Jo: We were. And in the chapters, you can see it, but the book and the cover and the back, he's disputing like the whole thing, like the label. - Rachel: The label. - Jo: And he doesn't like a label. So now when I have to remind myself how I felt about him, the reason why Tom, I believe, didn't want to put a label on anything was because I was a very present person. And I knew in my mind that I was trying to help Tom by helping him with his emotions after Katie and everything. - Jo: And I was trying to motivate him to be more focused on saying things in the, this is gonna sound whack, but like saying things in the present moment, not be so future focused, because he would always be on his phone and he would always be worried about something in the future. So when I came into the picture, it was a very enlightening experience for him. And he's said it before. - Jo: I think that that scared him. And I knew that it would be a process to get through to him on this in terms of his mindset. I also think that when it came down to it, every situation that him and I were in, we were able to navigate it very well together. - Jo: It's a two way street. And honestly, I don't want him to ever think that he did anything incorrect. I don't want me to think I ever did anything incorrect. I think at the end of the day, the answer is I don't know. No clue.
Yeah. From my perspective, it seems like Schwartz is love avoidant in ending that relationship with Katie. And going through the divorce, it seemed like he was in a state of mind where he was scared to love again. (Timestamp: 6:00) - Rachel: Although you guys did tell each other that you loved each other. - Jo: I think he was scared to love again, and then, you're right, and then I came into the picture, and he did not know what to do with it, and then really back paddled. And then I'm gonna go into another potential relationship and then not explain why we broke up. I don't know, but I also know that that's him to work that out. - Jo: I've been sad about it, but I've also been able to realize that he didn't really take me seriously, I guess.
But it seemed like the cast pretty much supported you and all agreed, including Katie, that Schwartz was leading you on. And Katie even describes Schwartz as having a fuck boy behavior. Was that validating to hear coming from Katie? And did you expect that at all? (Timestamp: 6:45) - Jo: No, I did not expect Katie to call out Schwartz as a fuck boy. I did not expect her to even go there. And was it validating? - Jo: No, because again, it's almost as if you're just kind of putting a little bit of a bandaid on something that you just ripped open for a year. Like, Jo's this, Jo's that, Jo's this. And then I'm gonna be on the reunion and be like, hey, by the way, you're a fuck boy. - Jo: Okay, well, where was that before? When you ripped me a new one every second you got. And then validation doesn't come from Katie. - Jo: Validation came, honestly, validation comes from the people that I'm closest to. So if I get validation from Scheana and Brock and Lala, and that doesn't go unnoticed. Those sweet people at the reunion were, even Lisa and Andy even were like, wow. We all thought Jo was lying, you know? And then Lala even was like, holy! - Rachel: I love how Lala called him out, really breadcrumbing you. That's exactly what he was doing. He didn't want to commit in a relationship. You guys were in a relationship, basically doing everything that a couple would do together. - Jo: Everything. I mean, I don't know how to more explain like, okay, let's say that you're dating somebody, and you go on a date, great. And then you wake up the next day and you're together, and then you go walk the dogs, and then you do like fun activities for a year and a half. - Jo: I don't know how else you would date somebody. I mean, that is, and also we're talking like, we're in our 30, you know, he's almost 40. Like, so we were committed. And I will say that 100%.
Do you take accountability for staying in that relationship despite Schwartz not putting a label on it? (Timestamp: 8:43) - Jo: Well, when we were together, there was a label, so.
So in your mind, going into this season, you guys were in a committed relationship. (Timestamp: 8:54) - Jo: Correct - Rachel: So then how did it feel… - Jo: When he hid me in certain scenes. I was just told to basically, like put a single wristband on and then like paddleboard and be like, as if we're just friends, because I was protecting what I thought was the most important thing at the time, which was the relationship of Schwartz and I. I just fell in love and I'm an idiot.
Looking back now, do you regret how many chances you gave him during this filming and him acting one way on camera and another off? (Timestamp: 9:22) - Jo: Um, I don't know how to explain this, but like, (Jo starts to get emotional) I still have a very hard time not being like around him. Um, do I regret it? No - Rachel: Why? - Jo: I don’t know. I still really, like, I've never been more happy like, weirdly, in a weird way, like, more happy with somebody. But I know it's this very relatable thing where it's like, you know, that person's probably clearly not good for you. - Jo: But that doesn't mean that doesn't come with emotions. I've never laughed with somebody more, and I'm looking for that again. Maybe I should regret it. - Jo: I don't know if I regret it, but he shouldn't have to have this much weight on my life. But I've never met somebody who, just the way that we would, I mean, I could just see us being old together. That's the thing. - Jo: It's like minus the TV, minus the show, minus the phones, minus all this bullshit, you know? I could see 100% him and I being easily compatible. But that's not the case. - Jo: So, I shouldn't have given him so many chances. And thinking about it, I do think that what even means, what is giving somebody a chance if somebody doesn't, your partner doesn't even consider you even a partner? If he didn't even consider me a partner, then maybe I didn't even have to even give him another chance. - Rachel: I think it's important to remember, if you're in a situationship like this, you are worthy of a loving, committed relationship, and you deserve that. - Jo: I agree - Rachel: And don't settle for something less.
How did it feel seeing or hearing, rather, Schwartz talk about his new girlfriend in front of you? (Timestamp: 11:23) - Jo: Well, it didn't feel good, but I also, this is gonna sound really, really weird, but I remember looking at Katie, and she just did not have emotion on her face. And I'm like, wow, I wanna get to that point. Not that point, but she just didn't give a F about whether or not who he was dating. - Jo: Shout out to, I will say that, that was the most realistic visual that I've remember seen. But I mean, I also felt empowered because he said it finally out loud to the world because he didn't have the confidence to say it to me.
At what point was it that you were like, shoot, this is not a relationship anymore? (Timestamp: 12:10) - Jo: I went to go pick up my stuff, and no, he hugged me with a half hug. It was like a pat pat pat on the back.
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Do you feel like, cause I know you're still hung up on it, and you're still processing it. (Timestamp: 14:42) - Jo: Processing it for sure - Rachel: And I feel like with the show and everything, you're reliving things, so it's harder to move on. - Jo: I don't know how you did it again, but… - Rachel: Schwartz did ask you, like, are you dating anyone? - Jo: Yeah, he asked me at the reunion, he's sitting two feet away from me, not even that, like one foot away from me, and he's like, are you dating anybody? I was like, no. Like, you know that I'm not dating anybody.
Do you feel like moving forward? (Timestamp: 15:07) - Jo: I'm excited. I'm excited, very much so. - Rachel: You feel like you’re ready? - Jo: No, I don't feel like I'm ready to date anybody unless I actually get to a place where it just happens. It just, for me, it just, like I could meet somebody like tonight and be like, hey, you know, cause I don't know if I'm ready, but I'm ready to do it with somebody else that's ready to do it too, you know? - Jo: Ready for me means that there's not like a ready or not a ready. So people think that needs to be, I need to move on from a certain person before I can get involved with another person. - Jo: To be honest with you, in reality, I still think about the wonderful moments of other, like there's always lingering moments, right? It doesn't need to be like a black and white thing. - Jo: When I will find somebody, I know that I will not be potentially 100% over Schwartz, but I know that the person that will be with me will help me get there and take it day by day because that other person, too, probably has an ex that is a little bit hung up. - Jo: Potentially, who knows? I'm excited to see what the future holds, and if that's the right person, they're gonna understand my journey because it's not easy to do it not only on my own, but also on TV. So I don't think that I have an answer for that, actually, because I don't think that there needs to be a cut clean. - Jo: Everyone thinks that that should be the thing, and I just don't think that. Am I over Schwartz? No, but my person that probably will come over into my life, he'll be able to understand that. And if he doesn't, then that's not the right person.
How does it feel knowing that Schwartz is now dating this girlfriend of his publicly? (Timestamp: 16:44) - Jo: Depends on the day. How I feel about that is, you know, like on a Monday, I'm like, I'm so proud of him. I'm so grateful that he's doing this and he's doing it. - Jo: Not necessarily publicly or privately, whatever it is, but you know, I'm like, on a Monday, I'm like, oh, I'm so glad that he's happy. I'm hoping he's happy. And then on a Tuesday, I'll be doing hair and something will trigger me, you know? - Jo: And I'm like, I miss him. I'm very grateful that he's happy because I know when unhappiness comes out of you, like a volcano, it shows. At the end of the day, at the end of the week, I'm very happy that he's got a beautiful relationship and he's happy. So as much as I'm sad, it's more of, I'm happy for him. I'm very proud of him. I'm hoping he finds happiness.
I just wanna commend you really quick because you feel your emotions really hard. (Timestamp: 17:29) - Jo: So do you - Rachel: Yeah, but I have this ability, which is a great thing, to suppress my emotions. And you, feeling your emotions fully helps you heal and you're not denying anything and you have the right to feel whatever you're feeling. So I just wanna point that out. - Jo: Thank you, babe. I really just appreciate that. Back to the reunion.
Yeah, back to the reunion. Tom Sandoval says about your relationship with Schwartz, the way that it was portrayed on the show was different than how it was. Would you agree? (Timestamp: 18:01) - Jo: Well, I don't know why he would say that because he wasn't in the relationship, so. - Rachel: I would agree with him, personally. How you saw the relationship on the show is not how it actually was in real life. - Jo: Yeah, that makes sense. Because in my mind, I was thinking like, why would you speak on my relationship when you don't even really know about my relationship? But then he's kind of pointing it out that like, yep, he's right. - Jo: Yep, I guess we're gonna give Tom Sandoval a point. I would agree, you're right. I just read that question incorrect. - Rachel: No, I know, but I think other people may have also because immediately Lala is like, don't stop gaslighting her. It's not the show. Got a little defensive over that. - Jo: It was nice to see Tom Sandoval kind of step up and be like, guys, by the way, whether or not he was being kind or not to me, it was almost like his truth was coming out about the Schwartz and Jo show, basically. - Rachel: Yeah, totally. And it was nice to see Lala supporting you, too, because her point… - Jo: Oh my gosh, it was amazing. - Rachel: Her point was like, okay, he's gaslighting you, and this is… - Jo: She was like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. - Rachel: It's literally making you crazy. - Jo: I looked at Lala, I remember she was across from me, and I was just like, oh my gosh, thank you so much. I wanted to wink at her. - Rachel: So would you agree? - Jo: Yeah I would agree - Rachel: Yeah - Jo: Yep
Would you blame the show for the discrepancies? (Timestamp: 19:21) - Jo: No, I blame Schwartz - Rachel: Fair - Jo: Sorry - Rachel: Yeah - Jo: He had a choice
When Andy asks if Schwartz ever asked you to lie about your relationship during filming, you said no. (Timestamp: 19:28) - Jo: Great. This is a really good point. - Rachel: Do you still stand by that? - Jo: No.
Why did you feel the need to lie for him? (Timestamp: 19:40) - Jo: I don't know. I think at the moment, I mean, my heart and my soul were still so attached to him. And it was moment of like, I'll just sit here and the quicker I can answer these questions, the quicker I can kind of get off the stage kind of thing. - Jo: If I had said yes, I know that shorts would have turned on me kind of, I just could feel that he might have been like, because you could see him being like, thank gosh, she said no. And I was doing something out of for him than out of for me. Oh, I remember that moment. I was like, why did I say no?
Do you still feel a responsibility to protect his feelings? (Timestamp: 20:15) - Jo: No, I don't. I'm ready to like say that out loud to the freaking universe.
Do you think he takes your feelings into consideration the same way? (Timestamp: 20:26) - Jo: Nope, nope, nope, not even close. He could give two shits about me. - Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. - Jo: Me too, well, I'm actually grateful because then that makes me get to a place of healing.
The reunion wasn't that long ago. What's happened between then and now? (Timestamp: 20:41) - Jo: It wasn't like I was covering up for him or anything. It was more of in the moment when you're in a, can you imagine you're sitting there, first reunion, the man of your dreams is next to you. He's dating a new girlfriend. - Jo: The last thing you want to do is piss him off. Andy Cohen asked me and said, hey, do you feel like you were covering up for, or whatever the question was? And I said, no, because in my heart, I didn't think at that moment that I was. - Jo: Looking back, I definitely was doing, not covering up, but definitely being a little not true to myself. And then now, when I'm sitting here talking to you, Raquel, like I get to a place where I'm being able to express looking at something that happened in the past, living it right now in the present, and then going into the future, I'm hopefully saying that I'm over him. - Rachel: I think from that moment that you said, no, I haven't lied for him, to the moment that you're sitting in this chair now, you've realized that you've betrayed yourself. - Jo: 100%, I definitely did. And yeah, the moment I sat in that chair on that stage and said no, and then sitting here and saying, I wish I would have said yes to Andy Cohen's question at the reunion, I feel like I betrayed myself.
I understand this was your first reunion, right? (Timestamp: 22:11) - Jo: Yes - Rachel: I understand that pressure. - Jo: Oh my god, Raquel, yeah, you've, yes. - Rachel: Like walking to a room full of people that haven't supported you… - Jo: And you're like, oh my god, hi. - Rachel: When you walk onto the stage, it's almost like, all right, here we go, and you almost disassociate, I don't know. For me, anyway, it was like an out-of-body experience. You're like, okay, I am literally stepping. - Jo: Yes. - Rachel: And walking, I can see my hands and my feet. - Jo: It's weird. And it's like an airplane taking off. You know, when you're about to take off on, and you're like, here we go. And you're like, where are my feet? Where are my hands? Am I gripping? I'm good, okay. And three, two, one, bam.
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I think it's important to talk about how the girls were so mean to you this whole season. I'm thinking back to Hotel Ziggy and them all giggling, gossiping. (Timestamp: 26:27) - Jo: I hope that Jo's uncomfortable at Hotel Ziggy. I hope that she's the rat girl. I can't believe she plugged your ears. I can't believe that she would even show up here.
And then cut to the reunion that we just watched, and they are all singing a very different tune. (Timestamp: 26:48) - Jo: And that basically is such a disconnect for my brain because you're sitting there and you're witnessing these people that rocked your therapy bill. I was very uncomfortable. It's almost as if you're a 10 year old and then you're high fiving your best friend, and then she turns on you and dates your little cute crush. - Jo: It's a weird thing where they say these all these nasty things and then they come at me at the reunion and they're supporting me. And you're looking at them like, I don't even have your phone number
The excuse that they gave for bullying you was that supposedly you knew about my involvement with Tom Sandoval. (Timestamp: 27:28) - Jo: Listen, when you rip me apart at not only a function, AKA Hotel Ziggy, and tell me that I want her to be uncomfortable, I want Jo, she's a rat girl, and then you go three months later, what is that, 12 weeks later, film the reunion, and then you're saying I'm so sorry, Jo, from Katie, about the way that, your brain's not gonna compute that, and it's gonna take a long time from going from Hotel Ziggy to the reunion, where it's these women are ripping me apart, and then all of a sudden, supporting me. - Rachel: Yeah, I can see how confusing that can be, because this whole time, you're like, I'm not safe around these people. - Jo: I'm not safe around these people. - Rachel: And then it's like a switch, where you're like, all of a sudden, now… - Jo: You see my face being like… - Rachel: You were shocked. - Jo: Shocked.
It just seems like there's a double standard for the girls icing you out. Kyle Chan knew about my involvement with Tom, and they're all supporting him at this finale party. And it just seems like there's no consequences for anyone but Jo. (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: It seems like the girls are holding you to a higher standard of accountability than the other guys. - Jo: Kyle Chan apparently is very much very close to this crew, this group. And Max is also very much connected, and then he slept with Katie. And at the end of the day, it was all focused on the female who was dating Tom Schwartz at the time. - Jo: And I was getting ridiculed and ripped apart. It all amounts to nothing because now they're understanding my perspective. It's like, okay, so now you wanna like, I will say Lala was really, I really think that, I don't wanna…
Speaking of Lala, she asked why everyone is gaslighting you about these feelings that you have. It seems like everyone kind of sees your side here. (Timestamp: 29:37) - Jo: I think I started crying. I think so, for sure. Because in my mind, she was really breaking a moment that really affected me. It was a moment of like, wow… - Rachel: I feel seen. - Jo: I feel seen. It's not like they're my best friends. Like I don't even have their fricking phone numbers. But I'm just saying in that moment, it's a little bit too late. - Rachel: Okay, yeah. - Jo: Sorry, I will say this though. If there comes a place where Lala and I could, I would open up a part of my heart to her, not my whole, definitely. And I think that might be it because she was really, really sweet. - Rachel: Yeah - Jo: Yeah
So you would have liked to have more support this season. (Timestamp: 30:22) - Jo: I would have really liked to have more support this season. And the only one that did support me in the female arena was Lala. And I will say this, Ally too. - Jo: It wasn't like it was like my best friends, right? I got ripped in the way that you did too. So it was nice that there was even a good crumble of a little 25% of support from Lala, where it was like, thank goodness. Cause everybody else was like, who's this rat girl?
You broke down when Andy asked Katie about the name calling. (Timestamp: 30:52) - Jo: Oh yeah, massively. - Rachel: Why did that hit you so hard? - Jo: When Andy Cohen asked me about the name calling, I remember thinking, oh no, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. In my mind, I remember thinking like, do I go put the pathetic rat and like, just kind of like, in my mind, pathetic would be like me just sitting there stoically and being like, yeah, everything's fine. And it just, it did not register. - Jo: And I just felt like I was just so emotionally sad and it just all flooded out. And then when Katie was trying to deny some of the, you know, the name calling. - Rachel: Yeah, you held your ground. - Jo: I did, with some tears on my cheeks. - Rachel: Yes, you literally mirrored back to her exactly what she said. - Jo: There's no excuse. You don't get to call me this, that and the other. You don't get to talk to me that way. So I felt good about being like, there's no excuse. You don't get to talk about the fact that you're going through something really tough. What do you think I'm going through, Katie?
Her excuse was she wasn't supported by many people in this room. She said, it's not about you. It wasn't nice. It wasn't kind. (Timestamp: 31:50) - Jo: I'm sorry that I wasn't kind. And I'm sorry that it wasn't nice. Okay, how are you gonna fix that? - Rachel: Right, and what she said on part one of the reunion, she said, it's intention versus impact. Like you could have an intention of not bringing this much harm, but the way that it impacted you was insanity. - Jo: Insanity, pick a lane. - Rachel: I know, and that's literally all I could think about when Katie was saying this apology to you, because it's like, in a way, I empathize with her that, yeah, it wasn't about you. Maybe it wasn't about you, Jo. She was dealing with her shit. - Jo: But how would I know? How would I know? - Rachel: But her actions still have consequences on your life.
Was it hard watching that scene back, Katie, trying to excuse her behavior towards you? (Timestamp: 32:40) - Jo: Yeah, very hard.
Were you proud of how you handled it? (Timestamp: 32:48) - Jo: I was, yeah. I felt like I handled it pretty well.
Katie sort of gives you an apology. Do you forgive her for her hurtful words? (Timestamp: 32:53) - Jo: I do not forgive her. I also don't forget it, and I also won't be able to understand it unless I get an explanation, because it's very much of a double standard.
Ariana has said that she hasn't watched this season. Are there any moments from this season you wish you hadn't watched back? (Timestamp: 33:11) - Jo: There's a couple moments that I feel like I wish I would not have watched back. I think the one that really stuck with me was the scene where Schwartz and I were paddle boarding, because that was really happiness for both of us. The first part of the scene where he comes in with his blonde hair, and we have the breakup quote unquote scene where I'm doing the bird whistle to Gordo and Butters, and we just had that cadence together. - Jo: And then I think the other part that I regret watching was when I was crying at the finale where Katie was kind of, well, was ripping me a new one. I mean, that was tough to watch. And it was also tough to watch Schwartz kind of then stand up for Katie afterwards. - Jo: I think that the biggest thing is that Schwartz is very much tied to Katie. And whenever that's over, he'll be free. I think the other thing that I regret was the way that I sat in my confessionals. - Rachel: Watching that back - Jo: Mmmhmm, not a good look
Outro (Timeastamp: 34:24) - Rachel: Jo, thank you for joining me today. I'm so happy to have you back and just to know that you're hanging in there. And where can we find you on Instagram? You have some cute merch. - Jo: So it's shopjo, my gosh, S-H-O-P-J-O-M-Y-G-O-S-H on my Instagram. Jomygosh. - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
***end
2024.05.24 12:51 KillerKayleigh283 AITAH for telling my partner he was being sly
Hi all, I 38F have been with my partner 34M for 9 years. This issue is going to seem so small, but its happened a lot over the years and im just starting to be more and more aware of it. If you dont wanna hear about (what you may class as) insignificant little fights, then please move on.
My partner spends one day a week with his friends, its an hour drive so they spend all day there, from the time he leaves our house to the time he gets home, its a 12 hour day where all household responsibilities fall on me. He usually does one or two small chores before he leaves which i am fine with. I am also fine with him going for that long and that often, that isnt the issue. not sure if its important but il mention it anyway, they literally sit and play videogames the entire time and 2 of the friends smoke weed in that same room. my partner then comes home and proceeds to snore for the next 4 days due to the smoke irritating his sinuses, he also gets moody (not aimed at me, but isnt nice to be around) because it causes his eyes to itch like mad, he looks like hes on h3ro1n (he isnt, lol) or something for a few days, all the skin around his eyes is raw and dry from itching . i usually spend the next few days staying in my sons bed while hes at his bio dads so his snoring doesnt wake me up several times in one night.
so the day hes going this week is monday, fine. like i said, no issue with that in the slightest. this day was decided 2 days ago. he calls me today to let me know his friend isnt working monday anymore so he doesnt have to go so late, plus this friend has an earlier start the next day so its better to leave here earlier, then come home earlier. ok fine, still a 12 hour day just pushed forward a bit. no problem. this is where i got pissed though. he then starts worming towards still staying late anyway, apparently the friends early start in the morning isnt relevant at all and they could all still hang out to the normal time (why move it forward then?)
but he will still come back early IF i'l sit and hang out with him, coz he doesnt wanna come home and just sit in his gaming room (that he wanted) on his own. so, hes led me to believe hes leaving early and coming home early, then decided to put me in a situation where he will only stick with that arrangement if i can get past the horrid stink and sit with him. i said i cant do that, just leave at normal time and come back at normal time.
he started to get irate and say i wasnt listening to him, said that i know his friends smoke (duh, relevance) and me not wanting to be around him when he stinks of it shouldnt be an excuse because he thinks its stupid (tell me my wants/needs dont matter but yours do, without telling me). he again kept saying im not listening to him. he said he hates how i think hes being sly, he hates how i think hes tryin to get 1 over on me (i never said that in the slightest) and hates how i think he wants to spend more time with them (isnt a problem, but it seems that IS what he wants lol)
he wont aknowledge at all where ive said several times (quoted from my texts)
"if you dont need to come home earlier, then dont leave earlier, treat it as a normal day when you go to those. unless you do wanna see them longer.....which is fine, but dont make out that im being irrational when im actually right on the damn money about that opinion"
his last message to me was a voice note, left directly after that one i sent above. he said "right im actually gettin pissed off now, coz ive got my fone in my hand, trying to read your FUCKING messages right and my trolleys fallin over coz its a fucking shit job (postman). ive got my nose goin off, youre pissin me off mate. im serious, right, im not answerin your question, im goin for as long as i fuckin want (that wasnt the problem, the telling me 1 thing then worming in the rest, is what was the problem) and i dont care what you think now, right. youve fucking pushed me to a point now where ive had enough. right, so just fucking leave it"
which i did. i didnt reply, nothing, but im left unheard. i feel like hes mad at me because i wasnt stupid enough to fall for the sly shit. i feel like hes mad because my opinion of him wanting to be there longer is actually right, its like he wants me to be blind to it.
I told him it looks sly AF to say 'heres my new plan, but im only gonna stick to it if you do this'
its sly to make an excuse to leave here earlier, then said excuse doesnt exist when its time to come home and youre actually staying the normal time.
its sly to be sad about an opinion, when youre actually proving that opinion to be true.
its shit to see that he seems to think im stupid enough to not notice. its hurtful to think this doesnt even need talking about because its stupid (to him, not me).
this sort of shit happens more often than i have periods. i call out something, he says im winding him up. i keep quiet, then i resent him because ive had to keep it in and i get a bit distant. i literally CANT do or say anything that calls him out if it makes me feel a bit shit. im insulted that he thought i was stupid enough to not notice what he was doing (which he denies, but it still leaving earlier anyway and coming back at normal time, which like i said, is fine, but be direct and tell me you want longer rather than be mad at me for being right when my opinion is 'you want longer'.
AITA for calling this shit out...AGAIN?
EDITED TO ADD: HE carried on messaging me after telling me stop. clearly being heard is more important to him than hearing me in return. same shit back and forth but insults started coming in, about how i have no friends n i should go hang out with the lifeguard at the pool (who he warned off yday in a jealous rage because he said hi to me and not him) he STILL says im not listening to him. he called me dumb and im a r3t@rd. i havent namecalled him once or even given a sly dig. i asked him that same question above, in a voice note, along with 'i think you wanted a reason to go for a longer time, but because you know i have that opinion which for some reason you dont like, you wont just admit, thats what you want. so youre dancing around it and looking for loopholes to get it, hoping i wouldnt notice, which i have. just fucking say u wanna go longer....who the hell cares? dont put the decision on me coz then i cant possibly be bothered by it" (putting the decision on me, i refer to 'im leaving earlier, but il also come back earlier if u wanna hang out even though i stink and i know u dont like that, so if u dont wanna hang out i may aswell stay til the full time, even though that wasnt an option until i decided to leave home earlier'
submitted by KillerKayleigh283 to AITAH [link] [comments]
My partner spends one day a week with his friends, its an hour drive so they spend all day there, from the time he leaves our house to the time he gets home, its a 12 hour day where all household responsibilities fall on me. He usually does one or two small chores before he leaves which i am fine with. I am also fine with him going for that long and that often, that isnt the issue. not sure if its important but il mention it anyway, they literally sit and play videogames the entire time and 2 of the friends smoke weed in that same room. my partner then comes home and proceeds to snore for the next 4 days due to the smoke irritating his sinuses, he also gets moody (not aimed at me, but isnt nice to be around) because it causes his eyes to itch like mad, he looks like hes on h3ro1n (he isnt, lol) or something for a few days, all the skin around his eyes is raw and dry from itching . i usually spend the next few days staying in my sons bed while hes at his bio dads so his snoring doesnt wake me up several times in one night.
so the day hes going this week is monday, fine. like i said, no issue with that in the slightest. this day was decided 2 days ago. he calls me today to let me know his friend isnt working monday anymore so he doesnt have to go so late, plus this friend has an earlier start the next day so its better to leave here earlier, then come home earlier. ok fine, still a 12 hour day just pushed forward a bit. no problem. this is where i got pissed though. he then starts worming towards still staying late anyway, apparently the friends early start in the morning isnt relevant at all and they could all still hang out to the normal time (why move it forward then?)
but he will still come back early IF i'l sit and hang out with him, coz he doesnt wanna come home and just sit in his gaming room (that he wanted) on his own. so, hes led me to believe hes leaving early and coming home early, then decided to put me in a situation where he will only stick with that arrangement if i can get past the horrid stink and sit with him. i said i cant do that, just leave at normal time and come back at normal time.
he started to get irate and say i wasnt listening to him, said that i know his friends smoke (duh, relevance) and me not wanting to be around him when he stinks of it shouldnt be an excuse because he thinks its stupid (tell me my wants/needs dont matter but yours do, without telling me). he again kept saying im not listening to him. he said he hates how i think hes being sly, he hates how i think hes tryin to get 1 over on me (i never said that in the slightest) and hates how i think he wants to spend more time with them (isnt a problem, but it seems that IS what he wants lol)
he wont aknowledge at all where ive said several times (quoted from my texts)
"if you dont need to come home earlier, then dont leave earlier, treat it as a normal day when you go to those. unless you do wanna see them longer.....which is fine, but dont make out that im being irrational when im actually right on the damn money about that opinion"
his last message to me was a voice note, left directly after that one i sent above. he said "right im actually gettin pissed off now, coz ive got my fone in my hand, trying to read your FUCKING messages right and my trolleys fallin over coz its a fucking shit job (postman). ive got my nose goin off, youre pissin me off mate. im serious, right, im not answerin your question, im goin for as long as i fuckin want (that wasnt the problem, the telling me 1 thing then worming in the rest, is what was the problem) and i dont care what you think now, right. youve fucking pushed me to a point now where ive had enough. right, so just fucking leave it"
which i did. i didnt reply, nothing, but im left unheard. i feel like hes mad at me because i wasnt stupid enough to fall for the sly shit. i feel like hes mad because my opinion of him wanting to be there longer is actually right, its like he wants me to be blind to it.
I told him it looks sly AF to say 'heres my new plan, but im only gonna stick to it if you do this'
its sly to make an excuse to leave here earlier, then said excuse doesnt exist when its time to come home and youre actually staying the normal time.
its sly to be sad about an opinion, when youre actually proving that opinion to be true.
its shit to see that he seems to think im stupid enough to not notice. its hurtful to think this doesnt even need talking about because its stupid (to him, not me).
this sort of shit happens more often than i have periods. i call out something, he says im winding him up. i keep quiet, then i resent him because ive had to keep it in and i get a bit distant. i literally CANT do or say anything that calls him out if it makes me feel a bit shit. im insulted that he thought i was stupid enough to not notice what he was doing (which he denies, but it still leaving earlier anyway and coming back at normal time, which like i said, is fine, but be direct and tell me you want longer rather than be mad at me for being right when my opinion is 'you want longer'.
AITA for calling this shit out...AGAIN?
EDITED TO ADD: HE carried on messaging me after telling me stop. clearly being heard is more important to him than hearing me in return. same shit back and forth but insults started coming in, about how i have no friends n i should go hang out with the lifeguard at the pool (who he warned off yday in a jealous rage because he said hi to me and not him) he STILL says im not listening to him. he called me dumb and im a r3t@rd. i havent namecalled him once or even given a sly dig. i asked him that same question above, in a voice note, along with 'i think you wanted a reason to go for a longer time, but because you know i have that opinion which for some reason you dont like, you wont just admit, thats what you want. so youre dancing around it and looking for loopholes to get it, hoping i wouldnt notice, which i have. just fucking say u wanna go longer....who the hell cares? dont put the decision on me coz then i cant possibly be bothered by it" (putting the decision on me, i refer to 'im leaving earlier, but il also come back earlier if u wanna hang out even though i stink and i know u dont like that, so if u dont wanna hang out i may aswell stay til the full time, even though that wasnt an option until i decided to leave home earlier'
2024.05.24 08:13 Aggressive-Onion5844 Need the advice from another agent. Never dealt with anything like this.
I can't believe what happened actually happened. I will try to make this short, so some details maybe eliminated.
I recently moved to another state. I was in a bad position, financially. Tried to fins jobs and wasn't too great. The pay I was making was nothing. So, I still had my license and had experience with State Farm agencies.
I know, there are strong opinions about them but, for now, understand I had bills and this seemed the logical option. I applied and finally only found one within an area hiring. After back and forth, I ended up being offered a position in this lady's state farm agency. Pretty much got ghosted after the offer and decided, at the moment to leave it be.
A month later, financial position continued to worsen and job market was abysmal in my area. So, I reached back out and she said she still needed a job, understood, and that she was about to go on vacation for a week. This was the start of this month. So, we set a date to meet in person and go over things the following Monday, when she retiend returned.
Monday comes, she seems to have ghosted until late afternoon when she texted. Once more, due to a wild story she needed a couple of days. So I get firm and pin down a time with her for Wednesday. I go in and speak with her. She offers the job again, a little less but still more than what I am making. Keep in mind, I have a dire need to work fast here and she said she and a dire need for help, fast. She gives me the papers for taxes, gives me direct deposit papers, and tells me to get my license updated to resident in this state and let her know, then she would send the background to me to sign for state farm and get me a laptop and everything going to start working. I agree and go home that day, do all the licensure stuff and apply for the new state. She even shook my hand and said welcome to the team.
Flash forward, the state was a little behind because of staffing issues and issues the license the next Wednesday. I text her and tell her ready for the link to sign and I had the forms ready.
Never hear back. Thursday this week comes and still nothing. So, I try calling the agency, no answer. Decided I would go in person, my need to start still dire. Google now says the agency is permanently closed. I know something is up so I send a friend in to pretend to get a quote to see if anyone is there. Pull up and the door sign is on closed. Someone meets my friend at the door. She is told that the agency is taken over by another state farm agent that's 40 miles away and the computers are being replaced. None of the staff is there and neither is the old agent, but their cards are still on the desks.
So, I try calling again since it's a new day. It forwards to the other agent and they tell me the same thing. I even look at the door and her name seems half scrapped off.
I am thinking wtf do I do. I can't just let this go. I need to work. I need answers. There is a bunch of shady things I found researching this agent more in depth but idk what to do. The new agent is supposed to call me. I know he will try to say he is not her and owes me nothing. But I am not taking this lying down, this is wrong.
What would you do?
already spoke to the state and they won't tell me if she was shut down or not, but it seems that way because no agency is sold and transfered in a weeks time
submitted by Aggressive-Onion5844 to InsuranceAgent [link] [comments]
I recently moved to another state. I was in a bad position, financially. Tried to fins jobs and wasn't too great. The pay I was making was nothing. So, I still had my license and had experience with State Farm agencies.
I know, there are strong opinions about them but, for now, understand I had bills and this seemed the logical option. I applied and finally only found one within an area hiring. After back and forth, I ended up being offered a position in this lady's state farm agency. Pretty much got ghosted after the offer and decided, at the moment to leave it be.
A month later, financial position continued to worsen and job market was abysmal in my area. So, I reached back out and she said she still needed a job, understood, and that she was about to go on vacation for a week. This was the start of this month. So, we set a date to meet in person and go over things the following Monday, when she retiend returned.
Monday comes, she seems to have ghosted until late afternoon when she texted. Once more, due to a wild story she needed a couple of days. So I get firm and pin down a time with her for Wednesday. I go in and speak with her. She offers the job again, a little less but still more than what I am making. Keep in mind, I have a dire need to work fast here and she said she and a dire need for help, fast. She gives me the papers for taxes, gives me direct deposit papers, and tells me to get my license updated to resident in this state and let her know, then she would send the background to me to sign for state farm and get me a laptop and everything going to start working. I agree and go home that day, do all the licensure stuff and apply for the new state. She even shook my hand and said welcome to the team.
Flash forward, the state was a little behind because of staffing issues and issues the license the next Wednesday. I text her and tell her ready for the link to sign and I had the forms ready.
Never hear back. Thursday this week comes and still nothing. So, I try calling the agency, no answer. Decided I would go in person, my need to start still dire. Google now says the agency is permanently closed. I know something is up so I send a friend in to pretend to get a quote to see if anyone is there. Pull up and the door sign is on closed. Someone meets my friend at the door. She is told that the agency is taken over by another state farm agent that's 40 miles away and the computers are being replaced. None of the staff is there and neither is the old agent, but their cards are still on the desks.
So, I try calling again since it's a new day. It forwards to the other agent and they tell me the same thing. I even look at the door and her name seems half scrapped off.
I am thinking wtf do I do. I can't just let this go. I need to work. I need answers. There is a bunch of shady things I found researching this agent more in depth but idk what to do. The new agent is supposed to call me. I know he will try to say he is not her and owes me nothing. But I am not taking this lying down, this is wrong.
What would you do?
already spoke to the state and they won't tell me if she was shut down or not, but it seems that way because no agency is sold and transfered in a weeks time
2024.05.24 05:36 No_Walrus_9170 AITA for ghosting my ex after he ghosted me?
I 43 F and ex 49 M started seeing each other in November. Everything was great. We are about 3-4 hours away but we would switch back and forth visiting. The last time I went up there was because he was having a bad panic attack it was New Year’s Eve and he was crying for me to go up. I usually spend new years with my adult kids but I felt bad for him. He is a vet and has bad anxiety. Well I went up and I thought maybe he just needed me because he said he felt alone.
So I drive up and he gives me a big hug and holds me. We go inside and he just sits on the couch. I asked if he wanted to do anything and he said no he just needed to calm down. I got there around 7 and around 8:30 he said he was ready for bed. I was bummed because I thought maybe we could stay up watch the ball drop or something and have a glass wine to toast or even do a evening kiss. No we went to bed.
Later we woke up to gunshots and fireworks and I checked my phone and seen my kids texting me. I text them back and asked if we could kiss which he did but it was not like he used to. I stayed 2 days and all the time he was having panic attacks. Mind you I pulled out every solution there was to stop them and he immediately said that doesn’t work without trying it. The last day I was defeated and I had to get back home.
That morning when I was going to leave he started shaving and getting all dressed up and put on cologne saying he had a job about 45 minutes away he had to go to to give a quote. Well normally he wears his construction gear but this time he was wearing his nice clothes and instead of his work boots he wore his nice shoes.
It felt like you wanted me to leave and kept asking me when I was gonna go. He would say that I’m not trying to hurry you up I just need to know when you’re going to leave so I finally left and packed all my stuff in the car said goodbye, and he was in a rush to leave too, jumping in his truck behind me. Me I’m the kind of person if you’re going to go do some thing that you know is wrong go ahead and do it because I’m not gonna stop you. I’ll just let the karma come back and I just will keep an eye out on you.
So we went from talking every single day to barely hearing from him to the point where it was my birthday, and the only reason he said, happy birthday to me, was because Imentioned it was my birthday, and he knew when my birthday was. And then Valentine’s Day was eight days after my birthday and I didn’t hear anything from him so I stopped responding to him. I stopped stopped texting him. I stopped calling him because he basically ghosted me. I haven’t heard from him for about two weeks and forgotten about him when I get a text. Hey I’m sorry I’ve been going through it.
I was Very upset and responded. Your lack of communication is a turn off. There is no need for me to carry on this conversation. He wrote back gotcha!
42 days later I get a text Saying, please call me! I did not call him, but I did text him to make sure he was all right. Again he was saying he was capping panic attacks. He was going through it and he realized he lost a good woman someone that cared for him. He missed doing all the things that we did and the laughing and all the good stuff that we done together, I said OK but why did you ghost me he said he was afraid to tell me what he was going through and how he was feeling and he didn’t know how I would react to it. He said he was scared of me leaving. I told him I am the most understanding person ever but I do not like to get disrespected either and to me it seemed like he didn’t want to be around for Valentine’s Day when all this happened and it felt like he was busy with somebody else or something. Something didn’t sit right. And before my birthday we stopped having sex. He said it was his panic attacks.
Now fast forward to this weekend. He has a job about an hour away. He asked if we could hang out and I said sure we can celebrate your birthday, that was last week. Monday he calls and asks if we could get a room For this weekend because he is staying at the house he is renovating and I’m not able to stay with him. I said sure and started texting him questions and details about the room and he told me to hold on and didn’t respond back until the next day, and I know it’s memorial weekend and so rooms are gonna be hard to find, and he never brought anything up again about the rooms. So in my mind if he’s not worried about it, then why should I be worried about it and was he expecting me to pay for the rooms so the last time I talked to him was on Tuesday and at this point I’m really over it because there is lack of communication and no planning. I have a busy schedule I work three jobs I take care of three young adults still that are in college and my dog just got injured so I had to take him to the vet and I am just Over it. So am the asshole for wanting to ghost him?
Update: it’s memorial weekend and I haven’t heard from him. We were supposed to spend the whole weekend together it’s Saturday! I’ll keep you updated if I hear anything!
submitted by No_Walrus_9170 to Amitheassholeadvice [link] [comments]
So I drive up and he gives me a big hug and holds me. We go inside and he just sits on the couch. I asked if he wanted to do anything and he said no he just needed to calm down. I got there around 7 and around 8:30 he said he was ready for bed. I was bummed because I thought maybe we could stay up watch the ball drop or something and have a glass wine to toast or even do a evening kiss. No we went to bed.
Later we woke up to gunshots and fireworks and I checked my phone and seen my kids texting me. I text them back and asked if we could kiss which he did but it was not like he used to. I stayed 2 days and all the time he was having panic attacks. Mind you I pulled out every solution there was to stop them and he immediately said that doesn’t work without trying it. The last day I was defeated and I had to get back home.
That morning when I was going to leave he started shaving and getting all dressed up and put on cologne saying he had a job about 45 minutes away he had to go to to give a quote. Well normally he wears his construction gear but this time he was wearing his nice clothes and instead of his work boots he wore his nice shoes.
It felt like you wanted me to leave and kept asking me when I was gonna go. He would say that I’m not trying to hurry you up I just need to know when you’re going to leave so I finally left and packed all my stuff in the car said goodbye, and he was in a rush to leave too, jumping in his truck behind me. Me I’m the kind of person if you’re going to go do some thing that you know is wrong go ahead and do it because I’m not gonna stop you. I’ll just let the karma come back and I just will keep an eye out on you.
So we went from talking every single day to barely hearing from him to the point where it was my birthday, and the only reason he said, happy birthday to me, was because Imentioned it was my birthday, and he knew when my birthday was. And then Valentine’s Day was eight days after my birthday and I didn’t hear anything from him so I stopped responding to him. I stopped stopped texting him. I stopped calling him because he basically ghosted me. I haven’t heard from him for about two weeks and forgotten about him when I get a text. Hey I’m sorry I’ve been going through it.
I was Very upset and responded. Your lack of communication is a turn off. There is no need for me to carry on this conversation. He wrote back gotcha!
42 days later I get a text Saying, please call me! I did not call him, but I did text him to make sure he was all right. Again he was saying he was capping panic attacks. He was going through it and he realized he lost a good woman someone that cared for him. He missed doing all the things that we did and the laughing and all the good stuff that we done together, I said OK but why did you ghost me he said he was afraid to tell me what he was going through and how he was feeling and he didn’t know how I would react to it. He said he was scared of me leaving. I told him I am the most understanding person ever but I do not like to get disrespected either and to me it seemed like he didn’t want to be around for Valentine’s Day when all this happened and it felt like he was busy with somebody else or something. Something didn’t sit right. And before my birthday we stopped having sex. He said it was his panic attacks.
Now fast forward to this weekend. He has a job about an hour away. He asked if we could hang out and I said sure we can celebrate your birthday, that was last week. Monday he calls and asks if we could get a room For this weekend because he is staying at the house he is renovating and I’m not able to stay with him. I said sure and started texting him questions and details about the room and he told me to hold on and didn’t respond back until the next day, and I know it’s memorial weekend and so rooms are gonna be hard to find, and he never brought anything up again about the rooms. So in my mind if he’s not worried about it, then why should I be worried about it and was he expecting me to pay for the rooms so the last time I talked to him was on Tuesday and at this point I’m really over it because there is lack of communication and no planning. I have a busy schedule I work three jobs I take care of three young adults still that are in college and my dog just got injured so I had to take him to the vet and I am just Over it. So am the asshole for wanting to ghost him?
Update: it’s memorial weekend and I haven’t heard from him. We were supposed to spend the whole weekend together it’s Saturday! I’ll keep you updated if I hear anything!
2024.05.24 03:32 GeneralSupples The Shipment of Karma. Pt 1.
Hey! Long time no see! Mobile format, excuse me.
I've been lurking a lot, and thinking of new stories to share (as I've had A LOT of crazy incidents go down), but I think I'll share the newest one.
This.. will unfortunately also be trailing into a vent post.
Anyway, here goes:
My hotel is hitting a slow period until the summer truly picks up, and it's driving our owner insane. He is on a massive power trip, in my (and coworkers) opinion. I've been told not to stress about it by my longer working coworkers, but I've become the target for harassment..
It started when a shipment came in on a Monday morning shift, which was rare for me to work. Having no training for this, and being told before that this wasn't my job, I called my manager!
Why? Because there was a total of 3 employees on site at that time. One front desk agent, one housekeeper, and one laundry person.
None of us have ever processed a shipment before.
So I called my manager, and was told to call the owner's wife. Owner's wife tells me to count the shipment.
Dear readers, it is almost checkout time and I still had some rooms to process out. I declined the owner's wife invitation to do the shipment. She told me to get the laundry attendant to deal with it, or I have to as, quote her, "Checkouts and room checks are not important."
This shipment was two pallets (something close to 40? boxes) worth of stuff to check. OH, but it'll ONLY take 15 minutes! Which would put me WELL PAST checkout time, and I have been trained to go check the rooms to make sure EVERYONE was gone!
Couldn't find the laundry attendant, as she was off checking vacant rooms for any belongings left behind or subpar jobs done by our housekeepers (which is very common, as our housekeepers face little repercussions for poor quality work), so I informed the owner's wife of such.
Her response? Count the shipment myself.
At this point, I had people trying to checkout, so I told her that I had checkouts to handle and put her on hold.
She. Did. Not. Like. That.
She hung up and called me again, repeatedly. I didn't answer. I was busy with guests. She eventually called my manager, who called the housekeeper, and got the housekeeper to find the laundry attendant to count the shipment.
From there, things wound down. I told my manager that I was not dealing with shipments, especially not at checkout time. I essentially put my foot down over this, as often times I've been told I could, and should, if I felt the demands of the owners were unreasonable for my position.
And I thought that was the end of that. I don't deal with shipments, per my manager backing it, and everything was sorted!
Boy.. was I wrong guys. I'll write part 2 when I'm more calm, as it happened when I walked in today (The shipment was about a month ago). It just.. isn't pretty and it's taking a toll on me. I wonder how many of you can relate to stalking(?) from owners? Micromanaging, I guess.
See you soon.
submitted by GeneralSupples to TalesFromTheFrontDesk [link] [comments]
I've been lurking a lot, and thinking of new stories to share (as I've had A LOT of crazy incidents go down), but I think I'll share the newest one.
This.. will unfortunately also be trailing into a vent post.
Anyway, here goes:
My hotel is hitting a slow period until the summer truly picks up, and it's driving our owner insane. He is on a massive power trip, in my (and coworkers) opinion. I've been told not to stress about it by my longer working coworkers, but I've become the target for harassment..
It started when a shipment came in on a Monday morning shift, which was rare for me to work. Having no training for this, and being told before that this wasn't my job, I called my manager!
Why? Because there was a total of 3 employees on site at that time. One front desk agent, one housekeeper, and one laundry person.
None of us have ever processed a shipment before.
So I called my manager, and was told to call the owner's wife. Owner's wife tells me to count the shipment.
Dear readers, it is almost checkout time and I still had some rooms to process out. I declined the owner's wife invitation to do the shipment. She told me to get the laundry attendant to deal with it, or I have to as, quote her, "Checkouts and room checks are not important."
This shipment was two pallets (something close to 40? boxes) worth of stuff to check. OH, but it'll ONLY take 15 minutes! Which would put me WELL PAST checkout time, and I have been trained to go check the rooms to make sure EVERYONE was gone!
Couldn't find the laundry attendant, as she was off checking vacant rooms for any belongings left behind or subpar jobs done by our housekeepers (which is very common, as our housekeepers face little repercussions for poor quality work), so I informed the owner's wife of such.
Her response? Count the shipment myself.
At this point, I had people trying to checkout, so I told her that I had checkouts to handle and put her on hold.
She. Did. Not. Like. That.
She hung up and called me again, repeatedly. I didn't answer. I was busy with guests. She eventually called my manager, who called the housekeeper, and got the housekeeper to find the laundry attendant to count the shipment.
From there, things wound down. I told my manager that I was not dealing with shipments, especially not at checkout time. I essentially put my foot down over this, as often times I've been told I could, and should, if I felt the demands of the owners were unreasonable for my position.
And I thought that was the end of that. I don't deal with shipments, per my manager backing it, and everything was sorted!
Boy.. was I wrong guys. I'll write part 2 when I'm more calm, as it happened when I walked in today (The shipment was about a month ago). It just.. isn't pretty and it's taking a toll on me. I wonder how many of you can relate to stalking(?) from owners? Micromanaging, I guess.
See you soon.
2024.05.24 00:52 ofthrees at my wit's end with my sweet loki...
i don't know if i want advice, or to vent, or what, but i'm going to let fly and hopefully someone has some advice in one regard or another. the tl;dr here is that i can't get loki to gain weight and i suspect he's got hyperthyroid - i'll know soon enough, probably by monday.
before i launch into the full tale (and warning: i'm going to allow this to get long, because i need to get all this off my chest), note: i have no legal recourse. not only would suing be a long shot, i don't want to start a legal war with my neighbor and i wouldn't be able to collect anyway; the breeder is judgment-proof. (as in, broke. she's elderly, retired, and has spent ALL her money on the cats.)
backstory: 11 years ago, i looked outside to find a sphynx on my patio. he was intact and in a sweater, clearly owned and well-cared for, and clearly a stud. took me a couple of days, but i found his owner - my neighbor a few doors down, who i learned was a breeder of sphynxes and ragdolls.
she was very grateful, and two months later, offered to sell me a kitten for $700; i didn't think twice, and that's my little max, who just turned 11 last month. i knew he wouldn't come with paperwork (and he didn't), and while normally i would never purchase from a backyard breeder, i fell in love with him and remain so. he's my best friend.
late last year, she decided to go out of the business - she's now in her mid-70s and her husband is ailing and it had become too much. at the time, she had three litters ready to go - most had already been sent to homes, but she had a dwelf, two bambinos, and, two, well, 'classics,' i guess. (she got out of the ragdoll game years ago.) she was desperate to sell these five so she could devote more time and energy to her husband and the four or five cats she was keeping.
i have no interest in the former two breeds, period, much less in this case, but did consider the two remaining 'regular' sphynxes. she takes tremendously good care of her cats, by the way - i want to be clear about that. she feeds them only the best (and shockingly expensive) food, prepares slurries of all kinds of supplements with said food, and sends her buyers off with a month's worth of food, supplements, clothing, AND toys, after giving them their first set of shots. (she does not fix in advance, though.)
so backyard breeder though she may be, they don't want for anything. her entire backyard is devoted to a catio, she has two rooms specifically for them (though they free roam the house), she has five automatic litterboxes. etc. i know all this to be true, because again: neighbor, and we've spent plenty of time together over the last decade, with me popping in now and then to play with the kitties and say hi.
i was NOT in the market for a new kitten, least of all because my husband passed a couple of years ago and i'm down to one income, and especially since i'm very familiar with the expense and care of our hairless boos. adding to that, i knew max would not at all stand for it - he adapted to the hairy i brought home a year and a half ago, but i knew he'd hate a new hairless and bringing one in would greatly upset the stasis in the home.
but, she was allowing me to bring them to the house to play with and to acclimate to the other cats, and they took to the place like little ducks to water. (max hated them, but my other two were friendly/interested, and the kittens LOVED being here; within minutes they were racing around, exploring, finding all the best spots to hang out.)
i couldn't agree to two, but i did agree to purchase loki; fell in love to the point that i was willing to absorb the expense, as well as the hassle of acclimating max.
ultimately, she got me to take oliver as well. i had a bad feeling about it, but whereas loki was so playful and hyper and crazy, ollie was just a sweetie like max. wanted to cuddle all the time, wanted to nurse on me, etc. and, i felt like it would be better to take the bonded pair rather than separate them - they were VERY bonded - especially since it would give loki a playmate when i knew max wouldn't play with him, lucien is too old to play, and odin is still young and playful but a huge heavy brute of a dude.
so, two kittens. i agreed to pay $1800 apiece; loki outright, oliver $200 a month.
here's where things went sideways.
all her cats came down with URIs a couple of weeks before i was to take the boys. that was my first sign to back out. but, two weeks later, she came to my door to tell me loki was ready to go, picture of health (and so he was), but ollie was still sneezy so she wanted to keep him awhile longer till she was sure he was all better and wouldn't infect my existing cats.
so i took loki, and wrote her a check. i decided to back out of oliver, then, because i just had a bad feeling i couldn't shake. but when she showed up on my doorstep with him in tow two weeks later and he jumped out of her arms to reunite with loki, obviously i couldn't say no. gave her $200 with the promise to give her $200 a month going forward. this was the friday after thanksgiving.
if you check my post history, you'll know what happened to oliver. on february 22, he was diagnosed with FIP, and on february 26, he passed away - he was diagnosed the week before my fourth payment was due, and passed a few days before i would've otherwise made it. (obviously i didn't.)
now, here's where to start doing some math.
$2400 for the kittens food and litter bills up at least 30% second and third rounds of shots microchipping pre-op labs prior to their sterilizations [our first cue re oliver, btw]
then, oliver: urgent care visit ($150), subsequent actual vet visit and labs ($200), plueral drain ($1100), FIP meds and supplies ($300 to get started), ER visit for euthanasia/cremation ($500).
i at least had the smarts to insure them before i took them, but i think i've gotten back maybe $700 due to deductibles and certain exceptions.
i want to interject here to note a few things:
after oliver died, loki began a hunger strike, which the vet and i expected. i started spending TONS of money, and i do mean TONS, trying all kinds of different foods to get him to eat. due to oliver's illness and passing, we pushed out his neutering, so had to do the labs again. this showed up with low creatinine. doc wasn't concerned about it beyond telling me to get him on a high protein diet. so i was not only spending a fortune all kinds of different foods to get him to eat, period, i was focused on [expensive] high protein versions of all.
i really can't tell you how much i must have spent on throwaway food since march 1 (though chewy did refund for some of it). it's got to be somewhere on the order of $600. i also started giving him toppers and supplements to try to get him to eat the food i was buying - if it exists in a pouch, i've purchased it. as many of you know, this shit isn't cheap. omg, tiki cat, churu, various gravy things; the only thing i haven't yet tried is friskies (because just no).
anyway, by the end of april, progress was being made. i found a few brands of food loki liked - notably, tiki cat sardines and omg various - and was supplementing with tiki baby thrive for extra calories. he managed to put on half a pound and was starting to again resemble the healthy dude he'd been before ollie died.
then i went out of town for a week, and despite my EXPLICIT FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS to my son to feed loki three times a day "and any other time he wants food," he didn't. he decided to just go ahead and feed loki on the elders' 2x day schedule. i came home to a knobby spine, ribs sticking out. i was beside myself. i thought he'd gone on another hunger strike while i was gone, but nope. fucking kid didn't feed him enough. so now i'm back to trying desperately to 'overfeed' him, with varying degrees of success.
oh, i forgot to mention - a few days after loki's surgery, he started peeing outside the box. at first, on the tile floor in front of it, but eventually, you know, wherever. a throw on the couch. the carpeted floor by my bed. any thing soft on the floor.
i chalked this up to behavioral due to the surgery, and in addition to the very expensive swheat scoop i use for litter, added another box of cat attract to try to get him back to the box. (while still using the other, since it's all my two oldest guys will use.)
the good news is that it (for the most part) has worked. the bad news is that it's just as expensive as swheat scoop, and it STINKS.
but he does still go outside the box now and then. so add to my ever increasing pile of expenses: urine spray (two different kinds), specific detergent for my steam cleaner, and a quote for entirely new laminate flooring in the bedrooms to replace the carpets because the sprays/cleaner aren't effective enough, especially for an ongoing issue.
i also forgot to mention that loki loves fish. anything fish, now. he eats voraciously; not a lot at a time (which is an expensive problem because he won't eat 'old' food, and 'old' is 'right after i walk away from it,' so tons of food is going to waste, and what doesn't is turning my older guys obese), but often, and he loves anything fish-based. he just doesn't fucking gain weight.
which brings me to my tl;dr.
doing some research last weekend, i realized that virtually all loki's symptoms (and behaviors i'd chalked up to quirks - excessively vocal, excessively needy, constantly demanding food but eating little, excessive thirst, even peeing outside the box) lead to a suspicion of hyperthyroidism. add to that his low creatinine in march and i'll be absolutely thunderstruck if that doesn't end up his diagnosis.
in my research as i wait for the vet appointment tomorrow, i discovered two major things i'm doing wrong if he's hyperthyroid: plastic watefood dishes, and FISH.
so now, back to food shopping again. i've spent probably $250 this week alone trying different brands of beef/poultry based wet and dry foods, and because i have to switch the older guys to it too (otherwise loki will eat out of their dishes), the volume has been tremendous. plus, four new food dishes and a new fountain.
AND, i thought i'd found one he likes! the big guys like it too. yay! ordered four cases.
well, guess who's now rejecting it.
this is before we get to the expense of hyperthyroid treatment, if that is indeed the dx - or the expense of treatment for whatever it is.
i never should have purchased these kittens. while i fell absolutely in love with them, they have completely upended my finances, my household, and my peace of mind. i simply do not know what to do anymore.
if you read this novel (and that's a long shot), thank you for allowing me to vent. believe it or not, i left shit out (though i've now edited to add some of it; ha.)
oh, editing to add: i have no interest in rehoming loki. he's part of the family and is now extremely bonded to me. i just needed to get all this off my chest, with the added side hope someone has experience with a kitten who's failing to thrive/has thyroid issues/has kidney issues (another option). btw, as of this morning he's 6.01 pounds. he was 5.98 three months ago, and underweight even then. he's also clearly meant to be a big cat - he has long legs, a long tail, and a very long body. the only reason he isn't already bigger than max is that he's so thin. his thinness is the first thing anyone notices about him. :( so.
ALSO: he's super active, which sucks because he doesn't have the calories to even burn!
submitted by ofthrees to sphynx [link] [comments]
before i launch into the full tale (and warning: i'm going to allow this to get long, because i need to get all this off my chest), note: i have no legal recourse. not only would suing be a long shot, i don't want to start a legal war with my neighbor and i wouldn't be able to collect anyway; the breeder is judgment-proof. (as in, broke. she's elderly, retired, and has spent ALL her money on the cats.)
backstory: 11 years ago, i looked outside to find a sphynx on my patio. he was intact and in a sweater, clearly owned and well-cared for, and clearly a stud. took me a couple of days, but i found his owner - my neighbor a few doors down, who i learned was a breeder of sphynxes and ragdolls.
she was very grateful, and two months later, offered to sell me a kitten for $700; i didn't think twice, and that's my little max, who just turned 11 last month. i knew he wouldn't come with paperwork (and he didn't), and while normally i would never purchase from a backyard breeder, i fell in love with him and remain so. he's my best friend.
late last year, she decided to go out of the business - she's now in her mid-70s and her husband is ailing and it had become too much. at the time, she had three litters ready to go - most had already been sent to homes, but she had a dwelf, two bambinos, and, two, well, 'classics,' i guess. (she got out of the ragdoll game years ago.) she was desperate to sell these five so she could devote more time and energy to her husband and the four or five cats she was keeping.
i have no interest in the former two breeds, period, much less in this case, but did consider the two remaining 'regular' sphynxes. she takes tremendously good care of her cats, by the way - i want to be clear about that. she feeds them only the best (and shockingly expensive) food, prepares slurries of all kinds of supplements with said food, and sends her buyers off with a month's worth of food, supplements, clothing, AND toys, after giving them their first set of shots. (she does not fix in advance, though.)
so backyard breeder though she may be, they don't want for anything. her entire backyard is devoted to a catio, she has two rooms specifically for them (though they free roam the house), she has five automatic litterboxes. etc. i know all this to be true, because again: neighbor, and we've spent plenty of time together over the last decade, with me popping in now and then to play with the kitties and say hi.
i was NOT in the market for a new kitten, least of all because my husband passed a couple of years ago and i'm down to one income, and especially since i'm very familiar with the expense and care of our hairless boos. adding to that, i knew max would not at all stand for it - he adapted to the hairy i brought home a year and a half ago, but i knew he'd hate a new hairless and bringing one in would greatly upset the stasis in the home.
but, she was allowing me to bring them to the house to play with and to acclimate to the other cats, and they took to the place like little ducks to water. (max hated them, but my other two were friendly/interested, and the kittens LOVED being here; within minutes they were racing around, exploring, finding all the best spots to hang out.)
i couldn't agree to two, but i did agree to purchase loki; fell in love to the point that i was willing to absorb the expense, as well as the hassle of acclimating max.
ultimately, she got me to take oliver as well. i had a bad feeling about it, but whereas loki was so playful and hyper and crazy, ollie was just a sweetie like max. wanted to cuddle all the time, wanted to nurse on me, etc. and, i felt like it would be better to take the bonded pair rather than separate them - they were VERY bonded - especially since it would give loki a playmate when i knew max wouldn't play with him, lucien is too old to play, and odin is still young and playful but a huge heavy brute of a dude.
so, two kittens. i agreed to pay $1800 apiece; loki outright, oliver $200 a month.
here's where things went sideways.
all her cats came down with URIs a couple of weeks before i was to take the boys. that was my first sign to back out. but, two weeks later, she came to my door to tell me loki was ready to go, picture of health (and so he was), but ollie was still sneezy so she wanted to keep him awhile longer till she was sure he was all better and wouldn't infect my existing cats.
so i took loki, and wrote her a check. i decided to back out of oliver, then, because i just had a bad feeling i couldn't shake. but when she showed up on my doorstep with him in tow two weeks later and he jumped out of her arms to reunite with loki, obviously i couldn't say no. gave her $200 with the promise to give her $200 a month going forward. this was the friday after thanksgiving.
if you check my post history, you'll know what happened to oliver. on february 22, he was diagnosed with FIP, and on february 26, he passed away - he was diagnosed the week before my fourth payment was due, and passed a few days before i would've otherwise made it. (obviously i didn't.)
now, here's where to start doing some math.
$2400 for the kittens food and litter bills up at least 30% second and third rounds of shots microchipping pre-op labs prior to their sterilizations [our first cue re oliver, btw]
then, oliver: urgent care visit ($150), subsequent actual vet visit and labs ($200), plueral drain ($1100), FIP meds and supplies ($300 to get started), ER visit for euthanasia/cremation ($500).
i at least had the smarts to insure them before i took them, but i think i've gotten back maybe $700 due to deductibles and certain exceptions.
i want to interject here to note a few things:
- in addition to oliver's illness and the $ stress of said, plus their regular care, the stress levels in my house increased fivefold after taking the kittens, due to max's rejection of them and trying to manage that whole nightmare, plus the fact that even though she sent me home with food, they decided they didn't like it so i started spending shitloads of money to replace it with something they DID like more than the elders' fancy feast
- after investing all the money into oliver's survival, not only did he die the day after i started the injections anyway, but i injured myself preparing his very first shot and now have not only a deformed finger as a result (long story), but am spending $120 a week on occupational therapy to get it somewhat usable again.
- while the breeder agreed to pay me back the $600, she was intent on trying to figure out a way to make the FIP my fault, and though she was very apologetic, of course, and did agree to pay me back (so far $200 of the $600), her comments when she'd check on him about how i must have given him a wrong vax or some shit added layers on top of the lasagne of stress i was already under. due, primarily, to trying to help her out by taking on two kittens i wasn't in the market for in the first place. INFURIATING.
after oliver died, loki began a hunger strike, which the vet and i expected. i started spending TONS of money, and i do mean TONS, trying all kinds of different foods to get him to eat. due to oliver's illness and passing, we pushed out his neutering, so had to do the labs again. this showed up with low creatinine. doc wasn't concerned about it beyond telling me to get him on a high protein diet. so i was not only spending a fortune all kinds of different foods to get him to eat, period, i was focused on [expensive] high protein versions of all.
i really can't tell you how much i must have spent on throwaway food since march 1 (though chewy did refund for some of it). it's got to be somewhere on the order of $600. i also started giving him toppers and supplements to try to get him to eat the food i was buying - if it exists in a pouch, i've purchased it. as many of you know, this shit isn't cheap. omg, tiki cat, churu, various gravy things; the only thing i haven't yet tried is friskies (because just no).
anyway, by the end of april, progress was being made. i found a few brands of food loki liked - notably, tiki cat sardines and omg various - and was supplementing with tiki baby thrive for extra calories. he managed to put on half a pound and was starting to again resemble the healthy dude he'd been before ollie died.
then i went out of town for a week, and despite my EXPLICIT FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS to my son to feed loki three times a day "and any other time he wants food," he didn't. he decided to just go ahead and feed loki on the elders' 2x day schedule. i came home to a knobby spine, ribs sticking out. i was beside myself. i thought he'd gone on another hunger strike while i was gone, but nope. fucking kid didn't feed him enough. so now i'm back to trying desperately to 'overfeed' him, with varying degrees of success.
oh, i forgot to mention - a few days after loki's surgery, he started peeing outside the box. at first, on the tile floor in front of it, but eventually, you know, wherever. a throw on the couch. the carpeted floor by my bed. any thing soft on the floor.
i chalked this up to behavioral due to the surgery, and in addition to the very expensive swheat scoop i use for litter, added another box of cat attract to try to get him back to the box. (while still using the other, since it's all my two oldest guys will use.)
the good news is that it (for the most part) has worked. the bad news is that it's just as expensive as swheat scoop, and it STINKS.
but he does still go outside the box now and then. so add to my ever increasing pile of expenses: urine spray (two different kinds), specific detergent for my steam cleaner, and a quote for entirely new laminate flooring in the bedrooms to replace the carpets because the sprays/cleaner aren't effective enough, especially for an ongoing issue.
i also forgot to mention that loki loves fish. anything fish, now. he eats voraciously; not a lot at a time (which is an expensive problem because he won't eat 'old' food, and 'old' is 'right after i walk away from it,' so tons of food is going to waste, and what doesn't is turning my older guys obese), but often, and he loves anything fish-based. he just doesn't fucking gain weight.
which brings me to my tl;dr.
doing some research last weekend, i realized that virtually all loki's symptoms (and behaviors i'd chalked up to quirks - excessively vocal, excessively needy, constantly demanding food but eating little, excessive thirst, even peeing outside the box) lead to a suspicion of hyperthyroidism. add to that his low creatinine in march and i'll be absolutely thunderstruck if that doesn't end up his diagnosis.
in my research as i wait for the vet appointment tomorrow, i discovered two major things i'm doing wrong if he's hyperthyroid: plastic watefood dishes, and FISH.
so now, back to food shopping again. i've spent probably $250 this week alone trying different brands of beef/poultry based wet and dry foods, and because i have to switch the older guys to it too (otherwise loki will eat out of their dishes), the volume has been tremendous. plus, four new food dishes and a new fountain.
AND, i thought i'd found one he likes! the big guys like it too. yay! ordered four cases.
well, guess who's now rejecting it.
this is before we get to the expense of hyperthyroid treatment, if that is indeed the dx - or the expense of treatment for whatever it is.
i never should have purchased these kittens. while i fell absolutely in love with them, they have completely upended my finances, my household, and my peace of mind. i simply do not know what to do anymore.
if you read this novel (and that's a long shot), thank you for allowing me to vent. believe it or not, i left shit out (though i've now edited to add some of it; ha.)
oh, editing to add: i have no interest in rehoming loki. he's part of the family and is now extremely bonded to me. i just needed to get all this off my chest, with the added side hope someone has experience with a kitten who's failing to thrive/has thyroid issues/has kidney issues (another option). btw, as of this morning he's 6.01 pounds. he was 5.98 three months ago, and underweight even then. he's also clearly meant to be a big cat - he has long legs, a long tail, and a very long body. the only reason he isn't already bigger than max is that he's so thin. his thinness is the first thing anyone notices about him. :( so.
ALSO: he's super active, which sucks because he doesn't have the calories to even burn!
2024.05.24 00:41 recentlyrigored Who is the Bad Roomate?
Sorry fornthe length of this post. I honestly could go on and on, but will just keep it to the main instances. TLDR at the end.
I am running into a situation with a couple of friends. I have little knowledge of celiac's, what I know is based upon what we briefly touched on in college and my own outside research. I normally pride myself on being Switzerland in these situations and not taking sides, but as time goes on I am starting to feel biased. I am seeking opinions on this matter.
Here's the situation:
One individual, Hayden, recently has had a massive stroke. He has a full-time caregiver, Bianca. The other individual, Dominick, has celiacs. (I am just a third party noticing and picking up dropped hints and tensions between all 3 parties involved. Looking for others input.)
Since Hayden's stoke, I've noticed the apartment has gone downhill very drastically in the last 8 months (during the hospital stay and since being released). Insurance, 2 months ago, approved for him to have a full time caregiver. Bianca is great. I'm not sure what her actual title is, but she mainly works with Hayden doing occupational and physical therapy in home. She goes above and beyond helping COOK AND CLEAN as Hayden cannot bend down and is wheelchair bound most of the time.
Dominick, the first time I met him, was at a resturant with the friend group. He sat next to me and immediately told me that if I were to order food, he needed to know because he is so severely allergic that is something we're to go airborne he would have to immediately go to the hospital. I didn't order food, but did get a Tito's and Sprite. He started hacking, causing a scene, then promptly left. Nice introduction dude. Aside from the strange first meeting and not understanding how some cases of celiacs can be that severe, he's a genuinely cool guy after I got to know him personally.
Bianca came into the apartment like a wild woman! She detailed and cleaned everything top to bottom. When I came by to visit i was astonished. I don't think that apartment looked that nice during the time of move in!
Here's the problem:
When Bianca cleaned the kitchen, she had no knowledge of Dominic having celiac's. She organized the pantry neat and tidy, no second thought about it without Hayden realizing. When it was, Bianca went to the store replaced everything out of her own pocket.
Dominic's dishes got cleaned and mixed up with Hayden's. He refuses to use them and wants to be compensated for them being cross contaminated. Didn't realize it at the time, but Dominick wasn't taking out the trash because of the risk of cross contamination as well.
Hayden paid out of pocket for the dishes and purchased a separate trashcan to minimize the risk.
Before this incident, the kitchen was halved (and still is). You get the top shelves of the cabinets and fridge, half of the sink for dishes. Now you have a separate trashcan too.
Bianca, who now believes she's the one who created this rift in the household, has taken a step back with the cooking and cleaning, and focuses solely on Hayden and helping him clean his messes. Since this has happened and Bianca has stopped tidying up the common areas, the apartment is filthy nasty again. Getting frustrated Bianca and I had a house clean up day and once again detailed everything.
Queue the paper towel expirament. After our being clean up day about a month ago, we noticed that Dominick refuses to share a dish rag, cross contamination. He has a comically large stock pile of paper towels that he's proud to show off for some reason. Non sequitor, but funny to me for some reason. I digress, but we noticed one paper towel on the counter top that was raunchy by his dish rack. (I personally purchased this dish rack to help with the cross contamination pot and pan issue) I could only describe this icky paper towel as wet looking pasta sauce gunk flopped onto it. Needless to say we left it there.
Bianca texts updates me regularly. She was off this weekend and texted me briefly about appointments on Friday and Monday. No mention about the state of the mess.
21 days.
TWENTY ONE DAYS IT SAT THERE. I visited over the past weekend and it was still there. I went back to my google timeline to figure out when I was there last and cleaned. I was furious and it's not even my home. To add more to it, there were boxes everywhere! I thought Dom was moving.. Hayden said no that's trash. I should have taken photos. The front door..To get inside I had to crush boxes with it to get the door open that's how filled their entry hallway was. Hayden has been exiting out of their patio door because he can't get out with his wheelchair. The wall where Dominick's trashcan sits is scattered with food and is piled up easily 12 inches above the rim. The sink... The kitchen sink was a sight to behold. It was absolutely foul, leaning tower of plates and bowls, curdled milk and cereal, a fine layer of mold overing everything, spilling into Hayden's side of the sink..
Hayden is not the confrontational type and with the stroke/brain damage having a conversation about this is even more difficult. So, I did. I confronted him, I hate that word because it sounds so aggressive. By all means, I was fuming but I never came across as rude or crass, just concerned about fire safety with the boxes and a possible mold exposure to everyone. Hayden cites the "cross contamination" as his reason for not cleaning up after himself. That "Hayden hasn't said anything about the boxes." That "it will get done once it gets bad."
jaw drop
I found out a while back that Tito's and Sprite are both gluten free. He refuses to use the same dishrag, but will use the same sponge for dishes. His toaster oven recently broke and he has been using Hayden's.
Is he taking this "cross contamination" thing too far? Is he abusing his celiacs in order to not do basic household chores? Or abusing us for helping Hayden cook and clean?
Dominick always been sorta messy, but since Hayden had his stroke it's been horrific. In my personal opinion, (before the stroke) Hayden was not a good roomate for different reasons; being loud, excessive drinking and drugging, people coming over all the time, stuff along those lines. So I'm not sure if that is playing a factor into this as well.
TLDR: I have a feeling a person is abusing their celiacs and quoting cross contamination as the reason for being so uncleanly. I am unsure though because I do not know much about the disease or it's severity.
submitted by recentlyrigored to Celiac [link] [comments]
I am running into a situation with a couple of friends. I have little knowledge of celiac's, what I know is based upon what we briefly touched on in college and my own outside research. I normally pride myself on being Switzerland in these situations and not taking sides, but as time goes on I am starting to feel biased. I am seeking opinions on this matter.
Here's the situation:
One individual, Hayden, recently has had a massive stroke. He has a full-time caregiver, Bianca. The other individual, Dominick, has celiacs. (I am just a third party noticing and picking up dropped hints and tensions between all 3 parties involved. Looking for others input.)
Since Hayden's stoke, I've noticed the apartment has gone downhill very drastically in the last 8 months (during the hospital stay and since being released). Insurance, 2 months ago, approved for him to have a full time caregiver. Bianca is great. I'm not sure what her actual title is, but she mainly works with Hayden doing occupational and physical therapy in home. She goes above and beyond helping COOK AND CLEAN as Hayden cannot bend down and is wheelchair bound most of the time.
Dominick, the first time I met him, was at a resturant with the friend group. He sat next to me and immediately told me that if I were to order food, he needed to know because he is so severely allergic that is something we're to go airborne he would have to immediately go to the hospital. I didn't order food, but did get a Tito's and Sprite. He started hacking, causing a scene, then promptly left. Nice introduction dude. Aside from the strange first meeting and not understanding how some cases of celiacs can be that severe, he's a genuinely cool guy after I got to know him personally.
Bianca came into the apartment like a wild woman! She detailed and cleaned everything top to bottom. When I came by to visit i was astonished. I don't think that apartment looked that nice during the time of move in!
Here's the problem:
When Bianca cleaned the kitchen, she had no knowledge of Dominic having celiac's. She organized the pantry neat and tidy, no second thought about it without Hayden realizing. When it was, Bianca went to the store replaced everything out of her own pocket.
Dominic's dishes got cleaned and mixed up with Hayden's. He refuses to use them and wants to be compensated for them being cross contaminated. Didn't realize it at the time, but Dominick wasn't taking out the trash because of the risk of cross contamination as well.
Hayden paid out of pocket for the dishes and purchased a separate trashcan to minimize the risk.
Before this incident, the kitchen was halved (and still is). You get the top shelves of the cabinets and fridge, half of the sink for dishes. Now you have a separate trashcan too.
Bianca, who now believes she's the one who created this rift in the household, has taken a step back with the cooking and cleaning, and focuses solely on Hayden and helping him clean his messes. Since this has happened and Bianca has stopped tidying up the common areas, the apartment is filthy nasty again. Getting frustrated Bianca and I had a house clean up day and once again detailed everything.
Queue the paper towel expirament. After our being clean up day about a month ago, we noticed that Dominick refuses to share a dish rag, cross contamination. He has a comically large stock pile of paper towels that he's proud to show off for some reason. Non sequitor, but funny to me for some reason. I digress, but we noticed one paper towel on the counter top that was raunchy by his dish rack. (I personally purchased this dish rack to help with the cross contamination pot and pan issue) I could only describe this icky paper towel as wet looking pasta sauce gunk flopped onto it. Needless to say we left it there.
Bianca texts updates me regularly. She was off this weekend and texted me briefly about appointments on Friday and Monday. No mention about the state of the mess.
21 days.
TWENTY ONE DAYS IT SAT THERE. I visited over the past weekend and it was still there. I went back to my google timeline to figure out when I was there last and cleaned. I was furious and it's not even my home. To add more to it, there were boxes everywhere! I thought Dom was moving.. Hayden said no that's trash. I should have taken photos. The front door..To get inside I had to crush boxes with it to get the door open that's how filled their entry hallway was. Hayden has been exiting out of their patio door because he can't get out with his wheelchair. The wall where Dominick's trashcan sits is scattered with food and is piled up easily 12 inches above the rim. The sink... The kitchen sink was a sight to behold. It was absolutely foul, leaning tower of plates and bowls, curdled milk and cereal, a fine layer of mold overing everything, spilling into Hayden's side of the sink..
Hayden is not the confrontational type and with the stroke/brain damage having a conversation about this is even more difficult. So, I did. I confronted him, I hate that word because it sounds so aggressive. By all means, I was fuming but I never came across as rude or crass, just concerned about fire safety with the boxes and a possible mold exposure to everyone. Hayden cites the "cross contamination" as his reason for not cleaning up after himself. That "Hayden hasn't said anything about the boxes." That "it will get done once it gets bad."
jaw drop
I found out a while back that Tito's and Sprite are both gluten free. He refuses to use the same dishrag, but will use the same sponge for dishes. His toaster oven recently broke and he has been using Hayden's.
Is he taking this "cross contamination" thing too far? Is he abusing his celiacs in order to not do basic household chores? Or abusing us for helping Hayden cook and clean?
Dominick always been sorta messy, but since Hayden had his stroke it's been horrific. In my personal opinion, (before the stroke) Hayden was not a good roomate for different reasons; being loud, excessive drinking and drugging, people coming over all the time, stuff along those lines. So I'm not sure if that is playing a factor into this as well.
TLDR: I have a feeling a person is abusing their celiacs and quoting cross contamination as the reason for being so uncleanly. I am unsure though because I do not know much about the disease or it's severity.
2024.05.23 10:18 detailingdevilss Ultimate Car & Bike Protection: Ceramic Coating, PPF & Detailing Services near India Gate
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2024.05.23 07:18 Fluffy_Grapefruit_60 Story Time...
Hi, this is my first time posting on this app, so bear with me. This post will be going over the first (and last) time I worked in a dental office to receive shadowing experience.
From the beginning, I (20y/o) have known pretty much all my life that I wanted to be a doctor. It wasn’t until about my sophomore year in high school (the start of the pandemic) that I knew for sure I wanted to be a dentist. I just really liked the more hands-on approach to medicine, IDK. Anyway, I decided that was what I wanted to do, and was going to meet all the prerequisites necessary to apply for dental school. Currently, I attend Arizona State University, (it was all I could afford) and am studying for a Bachelor of Science in Biochemistry. I intend on graduating from here in the spring of '26, and, hopefully, I get accepted to one of the two in-state schools before then. I really don’t want to take a gap year and want to start practicing dentistry ASAP. So, I decided working in a dental office would be a great experience for me as meeting a certain amount of shadowing criteria is required.
Back in the second semester of my freshman year in college, I emailed about 10 dental offices in the Tempe area. I messaged the email attached to their website(s), explaining who I was, what I was studying, and that I wanted to be a dentist. None of them responded, and I was starting to lose hope. Except for one. The office manager who was in charge of emails responded to me about forwarding her my availability with school, and when was the best time to come in for an interview. I was super stoked about the opportunity and jumped on it as fast as I could.
About a couple of days later, we did an over-the-phone interview, which was just getting to know me and my situation a little bit more. And, if she liked me, we would move forward with the employment process. We ended up scheduling an in-person interview a couple of days later, where I met the dentist(s) (one was the head dentist, and the other was an associate, I believe. This was a corporate office, so they both very well could have been associate dentists, IDK). I’ve worked several jobs in the past, so I was always pretty strong when it came to interviews. Long story short, the dentist(s), hygienists, and dental assistants all liked me, so we moved forward with the employment process. Everything was smooth sailing until it wasn’t.
I didn’t start working until about a month later, as the office manager I had spoken with beforehand said that one of the HR employees responsible for my employment was “on vacation” (this could have been true, but I guess we’ll never know). Then, she (the office manager) ended up getting sick, so my employment was delayed for some time. Anyway, I started working and loved every bit of it. The role I was granted was a sterilization technician, which was fine by me, considering I had absolutely no certification to do x-rays, dental assisting, or anything else dental-related. My job was literally just to set up and break down the rooms, and clean the instruments required for the dental procedures. The job was really easy, and there were many instances where I even finished my work early. When I wasn’t working, I was allowed to shadow 1 of the 2 dentists working in the office, and I even got some chair-side experience alongside them. However, things took a turn for the worse.
Basically, the person training me was the office manager. She seemed really sweet and cool at first, but she became extremely toxic to work with very quickly. I don’t know what could have set her off, but I am extremely nice and respectful to literally everyone I meet. She was responsible for training me and would set unrealistic expectations for me to meet in an unreasonable amount of time. She was also very passive-aggressive to me for little to no reason at all, and would call me names, and would even treat me as if she was on a pedestal, and she was better than me in every way shape, and form.
With that being said, one of the first goals she set for me (keep in mind, this was literally my 4th shift working there) was to break down the rooms (and sanitize them) after the procedures in 2 minutes or less. The next goal she set for me was to set up the rooms for procedures in 5 minutes or less. I didn’t know if I could accomplish these goals yet, and if they were even reasonably achievable for someone like me or not, (considering I had 0 years of experience and she had 4) as I didn’t know how long it would even take me to break down or set up a room yet (at this point I wasn’t trained on any of this, lol). One red flag that she said that I didn’t think anything of at the time was (and I quote), "If you don't meet these goals in the next two weeks or less, we're going to have to evaluate if this is going to work out". I don't know how this flew straight over my head, and why the hell I didn't start looking for a new job ASAP, but then again, I had worked several jobs in the past, and ALL of my bosses and co-workers loved me. I am still friends with some of them to this day. I have had to quit jobs in the past but was never fired. All the jobs I had ever worked ended on good terms.
As the weeks went on, I was improving. I was getting quicker with setting up and breaking down the rooms, and sanitizing them to their entirety. I was more focused on making sure everything was thoroughly sanitized (I mean, this is a doctor's office, right?). Long story short, I did not meet her expectations and time goal. As time went on, they didn't fire me, so I thought I was in the clear. Mind you, I was dorming for my freshman year and did not have a car. Despite this, I made sure to always show up to work 15 minutes early (at the minimum). I would walk 2.5 miles to work the mornings I was scheduled and really did not want to mess up the opportunity they had given me.
Later on that month (I worked this job for exactly 1 month and 7 days), I kept getting messages from the office manager. She was cutting my hours, telling me that they weren't as busy on certain days I was scheduled and therefore did not need to come in. I thought she was being nice and giving me the day off, but yet again, this was another red flag that I was completely oblivious to. She was cutting my hours very low. To sum it up, I was working on Friday, closing up the office. The lead dentist came up to me before he left, and he told me how much of a good job I was doing, and how proud he was of me for my improvements. This made me feel really good, as the office manager I was working with this entire time never said anything nice about me, nor did she send any positive affirmations my way.
Over the weekend, I thought nothing of it. I believed I was going to be working in this office for some time based on the lead dentist's expression that Friday close. I came in for my morning shift on Monday, and everything changed. As I came into work, I just had this gut feeling that something was off. I made my way to the office to greet everyone that morning. I said, "Good morning", and they (both dentists, the office manager, hygienists, and assistants) didn't say a word back to me. They didn't even acknowledge my presence. As I was working my shift, towards the end, the office manager came up to me as I was in the middle of cleaning up a room post-op for an implant procedure. She said that she needed to talk to me in the office with the lead dentist. I was respectful, and followed after her, closing the door and taking a seat on my way in.
They both seemed pretty serious, and I thought to myself, "Am I about to get fired"? Basically, the office manager had the lead dentist (the same dentist who complimented my work ethic the Friday before) fire me. They reasoned that I, "did not improve in ample time to meet the office's expectations". I was honestly starstruck and didn't know what to say. The whole ordeal lasted maybe 5 minutes at the most, and the office manager sat there quietly the entire time. Then, she had the audacity to say, "Okay, do you have any more questions for me and Dr. _____?". Like bruh. I thought I was doing good, lol, then they just fired me? OK. I didn't say anything, other than, "I'm sorry that I let you guys down", and "Thank you for the opportunity at hand, I know you guys truly believed in me". Then, they were super rude to me, and were like, "Yeah, (after I had said thank you and everything) you can grab your things and leave now". I usually listened to music on my 2.5 mi commute back to my dorm, but this time, I walked back in silence, in the Arizona heat, in my all-black scrubs.
I still want to be a dentist. Although I felt like a total failure being fired from something I loved doing, I wasn't going to let that stop me. Today, I continue to shadow several dentists in my area, building strong relations with them as time goes on. I currently work as a certified personal trainer for a private gym, as I am very passionate about diet and exercise, and it has also exponentially increased my communication skills from before I started training gym clients. I plan to take the DAT this spring, and although my GPA is kind of low, (between a 3.0 and a 3.5 but definitely on the lower end of the spectrum) I know that I still have another year before I start applying to schools in the summer of '25, which'll give me enough time to bring that number up a bit. I firmly believe that my DAT score, personal statement, and ECs/LORs will be a great equalizer for me considering my admission process.
Let me know what you guys think of this story, lol. This is my first post on Redditt ever, so I apologize if it was too long.
submitted by Fluffy_Grapefruit_60 to predental [link] [comments]
From the beginning, I (20y/o) have known pretty much all my life that I wanted to be a doctor. It wasn’t until about my sophomore year in high school (the start of the pandemic) that I knew for sure I wanted to be a dentist. I just really liked the more hands-on approach to medicine, IDK. Anyway, I decided that was what I wanted to do, and was going to meet all the prerequisites necessary to apply for dental school. Currently, I attend Arizona State University, (it was all I could afford) and am studying for a Bachelor of Science in Biochemistry. I intend on graduating from here in the spring of '26, and, hopefully, I get accepted to one of the two in-state schools before then. I really don’t want to take a gap year and want to start practicing dentistry ASAP. So, I decided working in a dental office would be a great experience for me as meeting a certain amount of shadowing criteria is required.
Back in the second semester of my freshman year in college, I emailed about 10 dental offices in the Tempe area. I messaged the email attached to their website(s), explaining who I was, what I was studying, and that I wanted to be a dentist. None of them responded, and I was starting to lose hope. Except for one. The office manager who was in charge of emails responded to me about forwarding her my availability with school, and when was the best time to come in for an interview. I was super stoked about the opportunity and jumped on it as fast as I could.
About a couple of days later, we did an over-the-phone interview, which was just getting to know me and my situation a little bit more. And, if she liked me, we would move forward with the employment process. We ended up scheduling an in-person interview a couple of days later, where I met the dentist(s) (one was the head dentist, and the other was an associate, I believe. This was a corporate office, so they both very well could have been associate dentists, IDK). I’ve worked several jobs in the past, so I was always pretty strong when it came to interviews. Long story short, the dentist(s), hygienists, and dental assistants all liked me, so we moved forward with the employment process. Everything was smooth sailing until it wasn’t.
I didn’t start working until about a month later, as the office manager I had spoken with beforehand said that one of the HR employees responsible for my employment was “on vacation” (this could have been true, but I guess we’ll never know). Then, she (the office manager) ended up getting sick, so my employment was delayed for some time. Anyway, I started working and loved every bit of it. The role I was granted was a sterilization technician, which was fine by me, considering I had absolutely no certification to do x-rays, dental assisting, or anything else dental-related. My job was literally just to set up and break down the rooms, and clean the instruments required for the dental procedures. The job was really easy, and there were many instances where I even finished my work early. When I wasn’t working, I was allowed to shadow 1 of the 2 dentists working in the office, and I even got some chair-side experience alongside them. However, things took a turn for the worse.
Basically, the person training me was the office manager. She seemed really sweet and cool at first, but she became extremely toxic to work with very quickly. I don’t know what could have set her off, but I am extremely nice and respectful to literally everyone I meet. She was responsible for training me and would set unrealistic expectations for me to meet in an unreasonable amount of time. She was also very passive-aggressive to me for little to no reason at all, and would call me names, and would even treat me as if she was on a pedestal, and she was better than me in every way shape, and form.
With that being said, one of the first goals she set for me (keep in mind, this was literally my 4th shift working there) was to break down the rooms (and sanitize them) after the procedures in 2 minutes or less. The next goal she set for me was to set up the rooms for procedures in 5 minutes or less. I didn’t know if I could accomplish these goals yet, and if they were even reasonably achievable for someone like me or not, (considering I had 0 years of experience and she had 4) as I didn’t know how long it would even take me to break down or set up a room yet (at this point I wasn’t trained on any of this, lol). One red flag that she said that I didn’t think anything of at the time was (and I quote), "If you don't meet these goals in the next two weeks or less, we're going to have to evaluate if this is going to work out". I don't know how this flew straight over my head, and why the hell I didn't start looking for a new job ASAP, but then again, I had worked several jobs in the past, and ALL of my bosses and co-workers loved me. I am still friends with some of them to this day. I have had to quit jobs in the past but was never fired. All the jobs I had ever worked ended on good terms.
As the weeks went on, I was improving. I was getting quicker with setting up and breaking down the rooms, and sanitizing them to their entirety. I was more focused on making sure everything was thoroughly sanitized (I mean, this is a doctor's office, right?). Long story short, I did not meet her expectations and time goal. As time went on, they didn't fire me, so I thought I was in the clear. Mind you, I was dorming for my freshman year and did not have a car. Despite this, I made sure to always show up to work 15 minutes early (at the minimum). I would walk 2.5 miles to work the mornings I was scheduled and really did not want to mess up the opportunity they had given me.
Later on that month (I worked this job for exactly 1 month and 7 days), I kept getting messages from the office manager. She was cutting my hours, telling me that they weren't as busy on certain days I was scheduled and therefore did not need to come in. I thought she was being nice and giving me the day off, but yet again, this was another red flag that I was completely oblivious to. She was cutting my hours very low. To sum it up, I was working on Friday, closing up the office. The lead dentist came up to me before he left, and he told me how much of a good job I was doing, and how proud he was of me for my improvements. This made me feel really good, as the office manager I was working with this entire time never said anything nice about me, nor did she send any positive affirmations my way.
Over the weekend, I thought nothing of it. I believed I was going to be working in this office for some time based on the lead dentist's expression that Friday close. I came in for my morning shift on Monday, and everything changed. As I came into work, I just had this gut feeling that something was off. I made my way to the office to greet everyone that morning. I said, "Good morning", and they (both dentists, the office manager, hygienists, and assistants) didn't say a word back to me. They didn't even acknowledge my presence. As I was working my shift, towards the end, the office manager came up to me as I was in the middle of cleaning up a room post-op for an implant procedure. She said that she needed to talk to me in the office with the lead dentist. I was respectful, and followed after her, closing the door and taking a seat on my way in.
They both seemed pretty serious, and I thought to myself, "Am I about to get fired"? Basically, the office manager had the lead dentist (the same dentist who complimented my work ethic the Friday before) fire me. They reasoned that I, "did not improve in ample time to meet the office's expectations". I was honestly starstruck and didn't know what to say. The whole ordeal lasted maybe 5 minutes at the most, and the office manager sat there quietly the entire time. Then, she had the audacity to say, "Okay, do you have any more questions for me and Dr. _____?". Like bruh. I thought I was doing good, lol, then they just fired me? OK. I didn't say anything, other than, "I'm sorry that I let you guys down", and "Thank you for the opportunity at hand, I know you guys truly believed in me". Then, they were super rude to me, and were like, "Yeah, (after I had said thank you and everything) you can grab your things and leave now". I usually listened to music on my 2.5 mi commute back to my dorm, but this time, I walked back in silence, in the Arizona heat, in my all-black scrubs.
I still want to be a dentist. Although I felt like a total failure being fired from something I loved doing, I wasn't going to let that stop me. Today, I continue to shadow several dentists in my area, building strong relations with them as time goes on. I currently work as a certified personal trainer for a private gym, as I am very passionate about diet and exercise, and it has also exponentially increased my communication skills from before I started training gym clients. I plan to take the DAT this spring, and although my GPA is kind of low, (between a 3.0 and a 3.5 but definitely on the lower end of the spectrum) I know that I still have another year before I start applying to schools in the summer of '25, which'll give me enough time to bring that number up a bit. I firmly believe that my DAT score, personal statement, and ECs/LORs will be a great equalizer for me considering my admission process.
Let me know what you guys think of this story, lol. This is my first post on Redditt ever, so I apologize if it was too long.
2024.05.23 07:16 wsppan Today In Phishstory - May 23rd
# Today In Phishstory - May 23rd Brought to you by tiph-bot. Beep.
All data extracted via The Phishnet API.
Phish, Tuesday 05/23/2000 (24 years ago) Roseland Ballroom, New York, NY, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 2000 NYC Tour
Set 1 : AC/DC Bag , Wilson , First Tube , Ya Mar 1 > Mike's Song > Simple > It's Ice , When the Circus Comes , Back on the Train , Gotta Jibboo , Taste , Sleeping Monkey
Set 2 : Punch You in the Eye , Twist , Waste , Piper , You Enjoy Myself , Run Like an Antelope , Train Song , Bug
Encore : Boogie On Reggae Woman > Cavern
1 Began in the key of G before switching to its normal key of A for an extended jam at Treya€™s on-stage request.
Jamchart Notes:
Ya Mar - An excellent rhythmic, snappy jam emerges with a lot of "DEG" and "Digital Delay Jam"-like sounds from Page and Trey at first (from about 8:30 - 11:00). Trey started the song in the wrong key (G) but asked Page to modulate to the key of A (the proper key) before his organ solo.
Taste - A different version with a relaxed, toned-down feel throughout, but it is also deftly played with near precision.
Show Notes:
This show was taped for VH-1's Hard Rock Live and was first broadcast on July 1, 2000. The show was announced only a week before the gig took place. Non- transferable wristbands for entry were sold at the venue box office the morning before the show, with a limit of one per person. Ya Mar began in the key of G before switching to its normal key of A for an extended jam at Trey's on-stage request. During the soundcheck of this show, Driver and Ginseng were played multiple times, and there was a jam on Led Zeppelin's Dancing Days before Long Cool Woman.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Monday 05/23/1994 (30 years ago) Civic Auditorium, Portland, OR, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1994 Spring Tour
Set 1 : Chalk Dust Torture , Sample in a Jar , Foam , Fee 1 -> Maze , The Horse > Silent in the Morning , Julius , Reba , Cavern
Set 2 : Wilson , Run Like an Antelope 2 , If I Could , Sparkle , Punch You in the Eye , You Enjoy Myself , Possum
Encore : Ginseng Sullivan 3 , Amazing Grace , Highway to Hell
1 Trey sang verses through megaphone. 2 "Been you to have any cantaloupe" repeated multiple times. 3 Acoustic. Fish on washboard.
Jamchart Notes:
Run Like an Antelope - Thrilling, intense, improvisational, and rocking power jam, followed by an extended "Rocco" section with whispering Trey: "Been you to have any cantaloupe?"
You Enjoy Myself - VJ includes "Psycho Killer" quotes.
Show Notes:
Trey sang the verses of Fee through a megaphone. The YEM vocal jam included quotes of Psycho Killer. "Been you to have any cantaloupe" was repeated multiple times in Antelope. Ginseng Sullivan was performed acoustic and featured Fish on washboard.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Wednesday 05/23/1990 (34 years ago) The Library, Richmond, VA, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1990 Tour
Set 1 : Divided Sky , Ya Mar , You Enjoy Myself , If I Only Had a Brain , The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony > Suzy Greenberg , Uncle Pen , Bouncing Around the Room > Possum , Sweet Adeline
Set 2 : The Squirming Coil > Reba > Tweezer , The Lizards , La Grange , McGrupp and the Watchful Hosemasters , Take the 'A' Train > Run Like an Antelope
Encore : Mike's Song > I Am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove
Jamchart Notes:
Tweezer - Amusing opening (lyrical) section.
Show Notes:
Trey teased Little Drummer Boy before Divided Sky, Stairway to Heaven in Suzy, and 'A' Train in Antelope.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Phish, Monday 05/23/1988 (36 years ago) Nectar's, Burlington, VT, USA
Gap Chart, Tour: 1988 Tour
Set 1 : Take the 'A' Train , Golgi Apparatus , You Enjoy Myself , Rocky Top , Light Up Or Leave Me Alone , I Didn't Know 1 , Peaches en Regalia > Possum , Good Times Bad Times
1 Fish on trombone.
Show Notes:
This setlist is incomplete; it is also possible this is the second of three sets. Before YEM, Trey declined a request from an audience member, "Del," and notes that: "Last night was Del request night because you graduated... if you get a Masters we'll do another request for you." YEM was dedicated to audience member "Ed" with Trey remarking that he wrote the beginning of YEM while in class with him. I Didn't Know featured Fish on trombone.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Trey Anastasio Band, 2024-05-23 Brooklyn Steel, Brooklyn, NY, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-band-may-23-2024-brooklyn-steel-brooklyn-ny-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes:
Trey Anastasio Band, 2020-05-23 The Stone Pony Summer Stage, Asbury Park, NJ, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-band-may-23-2020-the-stone-pony-summer-stage-asbury-park-nj-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: This performance was cancelled as a result of the coronavirus COVID-19 outbreak.
Trey Anastasio Band, 2014-05-23 House of Blues, Cleveland, OH, USA
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-may-23-2014-house-of-blues-cleveland-oh-usa.html
Tour: TAB - Spring and Summer 2014 Tour
Show Notes: This performance featured the debut of Flying Machines and The Song.
submitted by wsppan to phish [link] [comments]
All data extracted via The Phishnet API.
Phish
Gap Chart, Tour: 2000 NYC Tour
Set 1 : AC/DC Bag , Wilson , First Tube , Ya Mar 1 > Mike's Song > Simple > It's Ice , When the Circus Comes , Back on the Train , Gotta Jibboo , Taste , Sleeping Monkey
Set 2 : Punch You in the Eye , Twist , Waste , Piper , You Enjoy Myself , Run Like an Antelope , Train Song , Bug
Encore : Boogie On Reggae Woman > Cavern
1 Began in the key of G before switching to its normal key of A for an extended jam at Treya€™s on-stage request.
Jamchart Notes:
Ya Mar - An excellent rhythmic, snappy jam emerges with a lot of "DEG" and "Digital Delay Jam"-like sounds from Page and Trey at first (from about 8:30 - 11:00). Trey started the song in the wrong key (G) but asked Page to modulate to the key of A (the proper key) before his organ solo.
Taste - A different version with a relaxed, toned-down feel throughout, but it is also deftly played with near precision.
Show Notes:
This show was taped for VH-1's Hard Rock Live and was first broadcast on July 1, 2000. The show was announced only a week before the gig took place. Non- transferable wristbands for entry were sold at the venue box office the morning before the show, with a limit of one per person. Ya Mar began in the key of G before switching to its normal key of A for an extended jam at Trey's on-stage request. During the soundcheck of this show, Driver and Ginseng were played multiple times, and there was a jam on Led Zeppelin's Dancing Days before Long Cool Woman.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Gap Chart, Tour: 1994 Spring Tour
Set 1 : Chalk Dust Torture , Sample in a Jar , Foam , Fee 1 -> Maze , The Horse > Silent in the Morning , Julius , Reba , Cavern
Set 2 : Wilson , Run Like an Antelope 2 , If I Could , Sparkle , Punch You in the Eye , You Enjoy Myself , Possum
Encore : Ginseng Sullivan 3 , Amazing Grace , Highway to Hell
1 Trey sang verses through megaphone. 2 "Been you to have any cantaloupe" repeated multiple times. 3 Acoustic. Fish on washboard.
Jamchart Notes:
Run Like an Antelope - Thrilling, intense, improvisational, and rocking power jam, followed by an extended "Rocco" section with whispering Trey: "Been you to have any cantaloupe?"
You Enjoy Myself - VJ includes "Psycho Killer" quotes.
Show Notes:
Trey sang the verses of Fee through a megaphone. The YEM vocal jam included quotes of Psycho Killer. "Been you to have any cantaloupe" was repeated multiple times in Antelope. Ginseng Sullivan was performed acoustic and featured Fish on washboard.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Gap Chart, Tour: 1990 Tour
Set 1 : Divided Sky , Ya Mar , You Enjoy Myself , If I Only Had a Brain , The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony > Suzy Greenberg , Uncle Pen , Bouncing Around the Room > Possum , Sweet Adeline
Set 2 : The Squirming Coil > Reba > Tweezer , The Lizards , La Grange , McGrupp and the Watchful Hosemasters , Take the 'A' Train > Run Like an Antelope
Encore : Mike's Song > I Am Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove
Jamchart Notes:
Tweezer - Amusing opening (lyrical) section.
Show Notes:
Trey teased Little Drummer Boy before Divided Sky, Stairway to Heaven in Suzy, and 'A' Train in Antelope.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Gap Chart, Tour: 1988 Tour
Set 1 : Take the 'A' Train , Golgi Apparatus , You Enjoy Myself , Rocky Top , Light Up Or Leave Me Alone , I Didn't Know 1 , Peaches en Regalia > Possum , Good Times Bad Times
1 Fish on trombone.
Show Notes:
This setlist is incomplete; it is also possible this is the second of three sets. Before YEM, Trey declined a request from an audience member, "Del," and notes that: "Last night was Del request night because you graduated... if you get a Masters we'll do another request for you." YEM was dedicated to audience member "Ed" with Trey remarking that he wrote the beginning of YEM while in class with him. I Didn't Know featured Fish on trombone.
Listen now at Phish.in!
Trey Anastasio
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-band-may-23-2024-brooklyn-steel-brooklyn-ny-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes:
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-band-may-23-2020-the-stone-pony-summer-stage-asbury-park-nj-usa.html
Tour: Not Part of a Tour
Show Notes: This performance was cancelled as a result of the coronavirus COVID-19 outbreak.
Setlist: https://phish.net/setlists/trey-anastasio-may-23-2014-house-of-blues-cleveland-oh-usa.html
Tour: TAB - Spring and Summer 2014 Tour
Show Notes: This performance featured the debut of Flying Machines and The Song.
2024.05.23 01:00 TVoigt24 Cool Clubs (Irvine, CA) Fitting Review
I had a fitting at Cool Clubs this last Monday. I wanted to share my experience as I see a good amount of Club Champion discussion on here, but not so much with Cool Clubs.
The fitting itself was awesome. Cool Clubs doesn't let you credit the fitting fee toward a purchase because they believe the service they provide is elite, so I had some pretty high expectations going in. I'm a 4 handicap, and I had a pretty good idea of what I was looking for. The process took about 3ish hours, and I was able to hit everything I wanted (most of this was after we found a great fit and it was my curiosity wanting to rule anything else out). My fitter Josiah was very knowledgeable and asked questions that I appreciated (like what my budget was for example). It was also nice that I never felt pressured to make a purchase on the spot, and I was emailed a detailed report of all my fitting results the next day.
The big con with Cool Clubs is how much they charge for the equipment. When I was looking at the itemized quote I received, it was pretty glaring I was being over charged. For example, they quoted the mizuno iron heads as 200 each (what you'd pay if you bought the clubs built and ready to swing from any retailer). They then lump on the cost of the shafts on top of the iron heads (and throw in the pureing nonsense), so instead of a 4-pw set costing 1400, it jumps to 2500. They're quotes for any custom graphite shafts in the woods was also well over what you'd pay if you paid the upcharge at like a golf galaxy, or even if you bought the shaft direct from the manufacturer. So after everything, I've estimated that I can build the set with exact heads, shafts etc. for about 2000 cheaper. From my experience, Club Champion does the same exact thing.
Set specs if you care:
Driver: Ai Smoke Triple Diamond 10.5 degrees, Graphite Design Tour AD HD-7 X flex
3 Wood: Ai Smoke Max adjusted to 16.5 degrees, Graphite Design Tour AD IZ-7 X flex
3 Hybrid: Ai Smoke 19 degrees, Graphite Design Tour AD IZ 95 X flex
Irons (4-P): Mizuno Pro 245, Project X LS 6.5 Flex
Wedges: We confirmed my Vokeys were a good fit, however when I get a new set end of season I will put a Project X LS 6.5 in my 50 degree wedge and KBS Tour 120's in my 54 and 60.
Putter: Confirmed my Ai Cruiser Jailbird was a good fit
TLDR: The fitting experience itself is great and I'd highly recommend, however the wise thing to do would be to build your set yourself with the report they give you. And please, never pay for your shafts to be "pured" as it is absolute nonsense.
submitted by TVoigt24 to golf [link] [comments]
The fitting itself was awesome. Cool Clubs doesn't let you credit the fitting fee toward a purchase because they believe the service they provide is elite, so I had some pretty high expectations going in. I'm a 4 handicap, and I had a pretty good idea of what I was looking for. The process took about 3ish hours, and I was able to hit everything I wanted (most of this was after we found a great fit and it was my curiosity wanting to rule anything else out). My fitter Josiah was very knowledgeable and asked questions that I appreciated (like what my budget was for example). It was also nice that I never felt pressured to make a purchase on the spot, and I was emailed a detailed report of all my fitting results the next day.
The big con with Cool Clubs is how much they charge for the equipment. When I was looking at the itemized quote I received, it was pretty glaring I was being over charged. For example, they quoted the mizuno iron heads as 200 each (what you'd pay if you bought the clubs built and ready to swing from any retailer). They then lump on the cost of the shafts on top of the iron heads (and throw in the pureing nonsense), so instead of a 4-pw set costing 1400, it jumps to 2500. They're quotes for any custom graphite shafts in the woods was also well over what you'd pay if you paid the upcharge at like a golf galaxy, or even if you bought the shaft direct from the manufacturer. So after everything, I've estimated that I can build the set with exact heads, shafts etc. for about 2000 cheaper. From my experience, Club Champion does the same exact thing.
Set specs if you care:
Driver: Ai Smoke Triple Diamond 10.5 degrees, Graphite Design Tour AD HD-7 X flex
3 Wood: Ai Smoke Max adjusted to 16.5 degrees, Graphite Design Tour AD IZ-7 X flex
3 Hybrid: Ai Smoke 19 degrees, Graphite Design Tour AD IZ 95 X flex
Irons (4-P): Mizuno Pro 245, Project X LS 6.5 Flex
Wedges: We confirmed my Vokeys were a good fit, however when I get a new set end of season I will put a Project X LS 6.5 in my 50 degree wedge and KBS Tour 120's in my 54 and 60.
Putter: Confirmed my Ai Cruiser Jailbird was a good fit
TLDR: The fitting experience itself is great and I'd highly recommend, however the wise thing to do would be to build your set yourself with the report they give you. And please, never pay for your shafts to be "pured" as it is absolute nonsense.
2024.05.22 23:25 Septichi Car was Impounded and repossessed, They threw out my stuff on a day I couldn’t reach them. Including my license plate. Is this legal?
[OH] So My car was behind on payments but I was making them, it was also un-driveable at the time. I had taken it to the shop to get inspected and what not and the shop gave me a quote and etc. I ASKED THEM upfront If it was okay if I could make payments on it and if it would affect anything for how long it stayed there. They said No and that as long as I keep contact and keep showing I’m making payments that it would be fine.
Later I come to find out they had a storage fee that they neglected to inform me about, saying that it was on the papers I had with my receipt and that I should’ve read it all over when I got it. So instead of 1.4k it’s now 5k+ on my bill when I went in to make a payment. They then said that they would drop the storage fees once the initial repairs cost payment was paid.
A few days later my car was impounded and My financers had to pay that shop 3k+ in storage fees which was added to what I owed for my car to get it back out of repossession sion. I now owed 5k upfront and full by the 21st of the month (may) so that my car wouldn’t be sold at auction. The mechanic shop failed to inform me of my car being impounded and towed and instead let me continue making payments to them until I got the letter.
Ontop of this when I called my financers, they told me that I had to contact a place called ARS within a certain amount of time to claim my items that were removed from my vehicle. Sometime before the 21st. Tried calling them once , didn’t answer. After I assembled my payement for my car I tried calling them again and they still didn’t answer me. So on Monday (they didn’t answer on the weekends) they gave me another number to a place called OCR, to which they told me that they disposed of my belongings on Sunday. The day before. I later come to find out (during whenim picking my car up, mind you) that they ALSO trashed my LINCENSE PLATE.
Am I able to take legal action against the mechanic shop for failing to disclose their storage fees upfront + against OCR for trashing my belongings on a date I couldn’t reach them on? And who do I contact about the damages (new) that I found on my car when I picked it up?
submitted by Septichi to legaladvice [link] [comments]
Later I come to find out they had a storage fee that they neglected to inform me about, saying that it was on the papers I had with my receipt and that I should’ve read it all over when I got it. So instead of 1.4k it’s now 5k+ on my bill when I went in to make a payment. They then said that they would drop the storage fees once the initial repairs cost payment was paid.
A few days later my car was impounded and My financers had to pay that shop 3k+ in storage fees which was added to what I owed for my car to get it back out of repossession sion. I now owed 5k upfront and full by the 21st of the month (may) so that my car wouldn’t be sold at auction. The mechanic shop failed to inform me of my car being impounded and towed and instead let me continue making payments to them until I got the letter.
Ontop of this when I called my financers, they told me that I had to contact a place called ARS within a certain amount of time to claim my items that were removed from my vehicle. Sometime before the 21st. Tried calling them once , didn’t answer. After I assembled my payement for my car I tried calling them again and they still didn’t answer me. So on Monday (they didn’t answer on the weekends) they gave me another number to a place called OCR, to which they told me that they disposed of my belongings on Sunday. The day before. I later come to find out (during whenim picking my car up, mind you) that they ALSO trashed my LINCENSE PLATE.
Am I able to take legal action against the mechanic shop for failing to disclose their storage fees upfront + against OCR for trashing my belongings on a date I couldn’t reach them on? And who do I contact about the damages (new) that I found on my car when I picked it up?
2024.05.22 22:59 Background-Return-25 I 22m am mentally and emotionally drained by my 22F girlfriend who i still love. I feel like this is starting to turn to resentment on my end over her emotional greed, do you think she is being irrational her or is it just me?
I (26M) have been dating my girlfriend (22F) for 2 years now. First year was great, we had a lot of up and downs though in that first year. A lot of it was me dealing with my previous relationship issues and getting into this relationship before I could truly process how to trust again.
After that first year it was like a light switch flipped and she's super cold so to speak. We will get into an argument and she doesn't care about my feelings or how things she says makes me feel. If she does something that bothers me and I bring it up to her, I'm the bad guy for "making her feel bad about" about something she did that made me feel bothered.
For instance, she has been snapchating her lead at work (37M) who iw going thru a really rough divorce. My ex used Snapchat as a platform to cheat numerous times so I asked her if he can just text her on a different platform, she began to explain how he doesn't want his wife reading the messages because she checks his messenger and phone. I let her know that i am uncomfortable with the idea your lead is so invested in communicating with you given his situation, if he's leaving her than he should have nothing to hide in how hes talking to an employee just as friends. It lead to a big argument and I somehow came out as the bad for having a problem with that and not trusting his intentions.
Just today I texted her on her break at work and she was giving me one or two word responses so I asked if she was okay. She said " I'm good " and told me she was going hiking with that coworker and another on Monday. Said that sounds like it will be fun and she instantly went back to one or two word responses so I asked if she was sure she's okay because she seems like something is on her mind. She hit me with a "I'm fine. You asking is starting to piss me off" I called her after that and told her I was just making sure because your acting way different than usual and if you want I'll leave ya alone the rest of the day and just see you when you get home." She said I wasn't bothering her she's fine and that if she says she is fine then she'll get over whatever is on her mind. Ended up in an argument and I told her I'm getting tired of her not taking my feelings and emotions into consideration when she gets pissed off yet expects me to take hers into consideration. She said I don't care about your feelings and emotions right now, I have to go back to work and hung up.
So many examples are strikingly similar to this. I don't even know what to think about it anymore. We moved into her house together since it was bigger, she keeps threatening to leave whenever I have a problem with something which she knows would essentially make me homeless. Money is tight and she just keeps saying you should be saving just Incase. Can't do that with bills racking up and her Amazon addiction. So I'm stuck and she knows it. She always claims her ADHD or says how she might be slightly autistic when things cool down and she apologized for I quote "being a b****".
submitted by Background-Return-25 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
After that first year it was like a light switch flipped and she's super cold so to speak. We will get into an argument and she doesn't care about my feelings or how things she says makes me feel. If she does something that bothers me and I bring it up to her, I'm the bad guy for "making her feel bad about" about something she did that made me feel bothered.
For instance, she has been snapchating her lead at work (37M) who iw going thru a really rough divorce. My ex used Snapchat as a platform to cheat numerous times so I asked her if he can just text her on a different platform, she began to explain how he doesn't want his wife reading the messages because she checks his messenger and phone. I let her know that i am uncomfortable with the idea your lead is so invested in communicating with you given his situation, if he's leaving her than he should have nothing to hide in how hes talking to an employee just as friends. It lead to a big argument and I somehow came out as the bad for having a problem with that and not trusting his intentions.
Just today I texted her on her break at work and she was giving me one or two word responses so I asked if she was okay. She said " I'm good " and told me she was going hiking with that coworker and another on Monday. Said that sounds like it will be fun and she instantly went back to one or two word responses so I asked if she was sure she's okay because she seems like something is on her mind. She hit me with a "I'm fine. You asking is starting to piss me off" I called her after that and told her I was just making sure because your acting way different than usual and if you want I'll leave ya alone the rest of the day and just see you when you get home." She said I wasn't bothering her she's fine and that if she says she is fine then she'll get over whatever is on her mind. Ended up in an argument and I told her I'm getting tired of her not taking my feelings and emotions into consideration when she gets pissed off yet expects me to take hers into consideration. She said I don't care about your feelings and emotions right now, I have to go back to work and hung up.
So many examples are strikingly similar to this. I don't even know what to think about it anymore. We moved into her house together since it was bigger, she keeps threatening to leave whenever I have a problem with something which she knows would essentially make me homeless. Money is tight and she just keeps saying you should be saving just Incase. Can't do that with bills racking up and her Amazon addiction. So I'm stuck and she knows it. She always claims her ADHD or says how she might be slightly autistic when things cool down and she apologized for I quote "being a b****".