Heart made of *
Cats Are Smart
2017.07.24 22:45 connormantoast Cats Are Smart
A sub dedicated to the masterminds of our world; cats.
2009.10.28 00:53 tty2 coding
Fuck spez.
2008.05.14 19:18 Indie Music
/indie is the place to share and discuss Indie Music.
2024.05.19 01:47 Fluffy-Walk-7027 A new mentality
My ex and I had a very messy 1 year relationship. He was incredibly narcissistic and toxic, he made me distance myself from my family and was very selfish. He also cheated on me many times with his ex. He was also a relationship hopper who did not love himself and did not know how to be alone. I tried to help him many times and took him to therapy but he just did not want help.
Despite all of this, he helped me understand my depression and he made good music that really helped me heal.
The last time he cheated on me was with someone much younger who he met on tinder. I left and never looked back. I blocked him on everything and despite doing this before, we could never keep no contact. But this time I was determined to do so. It was incredibly hard because I cared so deeply for this person and it hurt knowing he was with someone else. They moved in together after 2 weeks and this is when I cut ties.
It took me a good 8 months to forget he existed.
3 years later.. out of the blue, I get an email from him asking if we could speak. I didn’t really want to as I know how manipulative he can be and my friends all told me no, but something in my heart was telling me this was different.
I was SHOCKED he reached out because he has an ego the size of Texas and so I never expected him to contact me.
Something seemed so off.. He called me crying (something he never did) and he apologized for everything he put me through and tells me that I was the only person who truly accepted him for who he was and his deepest regret was treating me the way he did blah blah I didn’t take too much of it to heart as I know how manipulative he can be.
Regardless, I told him I forgave him a long time ago as I truly don’t hold space in my heart for hate or resentment and that I just hope he is now being a better person to others.
We planned to meet face to face a couple of days later.
The day came and he never showed, I texted him but he never replied. I got a call that same day from him at stupid o’clock but I was so mad that he stood me up, so I didn’t answer. I couldn’t believe I was made a fool once again and I fell for his antics.
Well, little did I know that he passed away that night. His pain and regret for the things he did was too much for him to face.
As I spent the next couple of years grieving him, I learned that I actually loved and cared for him more than I thought I did and so did he. At his funeral, I had the chance to speak to his mother who always supported us and who also tried to help him to change. She told me that they did have to go through all of his things with the police, including his phone and computers. I was shocked to hear about how many songs, poems and messages expressing his love and regret. I never thought he actually cared about me at all.
This taught me that you should never underestimate the hole your absence will leave in someone’s life. However, you must give them space to miss you. Sadly, men only learn value via losing.
On the other side, protect your peace, guard your heart and forgive yourself. Apologize to them if you need to, cry if you need to and let it go.
His family kindly allowed his demos to be uploaded onto Spotify for me and his friends to listen to.
If you’re ever wondering if he misses you, of course he does but people miss people dead or alive, it’s nothing new.
Whoever you meet, always try to leave them better than how you found them - and I don’t mean baby them or try and change them - what I mean is, SHOW them, using your actions, how people SHOULD be. No matter how bad of a person they are, always be kind, always be patient, always forgive (but you don’t need to forget) - you may ask why, as some people really don’t deserve it, but please understand that you might be the closest thing to love someone will ever experience.
I hope this made sense ❤️
submitted by Fluffy-Walk-7027 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
Despite all of this, he helped me understand my depression and he made good music that really helped me heal.
The last time he cheated on me was with someone much younger who he met on tinder. I left and never looked back. I blocked him on everything and despite doing this before, we could never keep no contact. But this time I was determined to do so. It was incredibly hard because I cared so deeply for this person and it hurt knowing he was with someone else. They moved in together after 2 weeks and this is when I cut ties.
It took me a good 8 months to forget he existed.
3 years later.. out of the blue, I get an email from him asking if we could speak. I didn’t really want to as I know how manipulative he can be and my friends all told me no, but something in my heart was telling me this was different.
I was SHOCKED he reached out because he has an ego the size of Texas and so I never expected him to contact me.
Something seemed so off.. He called me crying (something he never did) and he apologized for everything he put me through and tells me that I was the only person who truly accepted him for who he was and his deepest regret was treating me the way he did blah blah I didn’t take too much of it to heart as I know how manipulative he can be.
Regardless, I told him I forgave him a long time ago as I truly don’t hold space in my heart for hate or resentment and that I just hope he is now being a better person to others.
We planned to meet face to face a couple of days later.
The day came and he never showed, I texted him but he never replied. I got a call that same day from him at stupid o’clock but I was so mad that he stood me up, so I didn’t answer. I couldn’t believe I was made a fool once again and I fell for his antics.
Well, little did I know that he passed away that night. His pain and regret for the things he did was too much for him to face.
As I spent the next couple of years grieving him, I learned that I actually loved and cared for him more than I thought I did and so did he. At his funeral, I had the chance to speak to his mother who always supported us and who also tried to help him to change. She told me that they did have to go through all of his things with the police, including his phone and computers. I was shocked to hear about how many songs, poems and messages expressing his love and regret. I never thought he actually cared about me at all.
This taught me that you should never underestimate the hole your absence will leave in someone’s life. However, you must give them space to miss you. Sadly, men only learn value via losing.
On the other side, protect your peace, guard your heart and forgive yourself. Apologize to them if you need to, cry if you need to and let it go.
His family kindly allowed his demos to be uploaded onto Spotify for me and his friends to listen to.
If you’re ever wondering if he misses you, of course he does but people miss people dead or alive, it’s nothing new.
Whoever you meet, always try to leave them better than how you found them - and I don’t mean baby them or try and change them - what I mean is, SHOW them, using your actions, how people SHOULD be. No matter how bad of a person they are, always be kind, always be patient, always forgive (but you don’t need to forget) - you may ask why, as some people really don’t deserve it, but please understand that you might be the closest thing to love someone will ever experience.
I hope this made sense ❤️
2024.05.19 01:46 JoeMorgue I got trapped on an Alpine Coaster for hours.
You guys know what an alpine coaster is? They are like a small roller coaster you find in the mountains. They are also called summer toboggans or mountain coasters and I think there’s some long German compound word they are called in parts of Europe. They are like a roller coaster, but with much smaller one or two person sleds you just sit on instead of multi-person cars you ride in, and instead of being built with like a scaffolding or a framework the tracks are just on the ground, using the elevation of the mountain. Basically it’s a coaster track on the side of a mountain where you ride a sled down.
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.
submitted by JoeMorgue to nosleep [link] [comments]
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.
2024.05.19 01:45 TheFalseViddaric The New Data Drug
I messed up. I messed up bad.
“Never get high on your own supply”. The human who sold me this data told me it was a saying from his world. But I had to be sure it was the real deal. After all, data drugs that worked on people without a brain interface installed? It was unheard of. But here I am [30 hours] later, and I no longer doubt. I feel utterly exhausted despite having barely moved. My every neuron feels fried. All 6 grasping appendages are sore from the repetitive motions, and my eyes are dry and unfocused from the long strain I have put them through. I feel intense pangs of hunger and thirst, as I haven’t eaten or drank since I started this test.
I still want more. But with a great effort of will I force myself away from the screen of my computing terminal and stumble to my pantry so I may attend to my body’s needs. As I gulp down nutrient drinks and chew some dried fruit, I reflect on the trance I’ve somehow barely managed to pull myself out of.
Simulations. A useful tool for engineers, scientists, and military strategists. We had never thought to teach storytellers or artists to use them. Humans had. And what they created was both miraculous and monstrous.
Humans decided to use simulation technology to create art and craft stories. It seemed that there was a human simulation… no, hundreds of human simulations, designed to invoke whatever feeling or emotion you could imagine. And possibly some you couldn’t.
I had started simple. A basic test of spatial reasoning, and later quick thinking, expressed through the medium of stacking colored blocks formed into geometric shapes. While comparable at first to a children's toy, as the speed and challenge increased I became increasingly hypnotized. The feeling of lining up and clearing four rows at once with the all too rare straight piece was intensely satisfying. Making a mistake, leaving a gap caused frustration and incompleteness like I had never felt before, and eventually fixing it gave a feeling of relief, of rightness. As the game sped up, I found myself more and more frantic to try and find places for every piece. The rush of success and agony of failure only increased as I prided and chided myself on my quick decisions.
Eventually, I could keep up no longer, leaving me only with a number. A score.
Could I push that score higher?
[4 hours] went by, and I barely noticed.
I should have stopped. I knew that what I had was genuine. But I wanted to know what else this data was capable of.
I navigated a colorful landscape, defying gravity with every action and finding joy in exploration and collection.
I slaughtered demons with a chaingun, turning the fear of being devoured into a rising sense of conquest and bloodlust.
I failed a single test of dexterity, sending me tumbling down a hole and erasing hours of progress, and I nearly knocked myself out from the shock of frustration.
I defeated a hulking warrior with a team of other adventurers, and the triumph of it was only amplified by the sting of failing several times before.
Freedom and entrapment.
Horror and domination.
Elation and sorrow.
Every new experience was an emotional high of a kind I’d never had before, and my hearts were racing with the myriad of feelings rushing through my mind. My imagination was going wild with the possibilities of all these new worlds of data and programming.
My self-reflection comes to a grinding halt. I need to stop. If I’m not careful I’ll get addicted and end up like one of those mindjackers, burning their brains out on data drugs. Supposedly these simulations can’t do that, but I wouldn’t have put it past the seller to lie about that kind of thing.
Well, one way or another, I’m gonna make a [alien animal that shares many traits with both giant squids and magpies]’s hoard selling these. Time to call my best clients…
[Time skip: approximately 25 solar years]
The Rise of the Galactic Game Industry: Fluke of the Black Market, or Human Marketing Genius? You Decide!
Dr’k-Nam, Head Investigative Critic for the Arts and Culture section of Twin Suns Newsgroup
Simulation games, also known as “video games”, have taken the galaxy by storm ever since their controversial introduction and subsequent series of bannings and legalizations across the galaxy. Simulation technology is nothing new of course, but galactic newcomers from the Sol system, Humans, used it in an extremely novel way: art and entertainment. According to their historical records, a significant amount of their entertainment industry is based around simulation games, and that portion has grown even further with their introduction to the galaxy at large.
At first, however, no one was interested. A simulation with little or no practical application, designed only to entertain? Most people preferred to stick with the entertainment they knew, or seek new experiences outside of sims. So what changed?
Simple: some anonymous human decided to sell them as data drugs instead of simulation games; data drugs usable by simply interacting with a computer program, rather than having to inject the data directly in through a neural interface. With this small, but completely false new branding, video games were ready to start spreading across virtual black markets like spoilers for the latest episode of Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah on the galnet (side note: please have some courtesy to others and tag your spoilers).
Human governance and society at large had been reportedly as surprised to see a lack of simulation games from other species as they were that humans had them. But they were even more surprised when they started getting accused of pushing the latest data drug. This was an especially confusing accusation because neural interface technology was not widely adopted by humanity at the time, and only a fraction of a percent of their population even knew of the existence of data drugs in the first place. The revelation that most humans had video games of some sort on their PPDDs (personal portable data devices) threatened to cause an uproar in the galaxy, as paranoia around data drugs was at an all time high among many species.
After trying and failing to ignore the problem for long enough for it to go away, human governance, as well as human corporations producing video games, were forced to release statements, acknowledging that:
Rumors that the data drug sales pitch was a deliberate ploy by the human game industry (to drum up intergalactic sales) or by human governance (to spread human culture and influence) are still under investigation, but solid evidence for either has yet to emerge.
Edit: anyone posting untagged Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah spoilers in the comments section of this article will receive an immediate, no-warning permaban.
submitted by TheFalseViddaric to HFY [link] [comments]
“Never get high on your own supply”. The human who sold me this data told me it was a saying from his world. But I had to be sure it was the real deal. After all, data drugs that worked on people without a brain interface installed? It was unheard of. But here I am [30 hours] later, and I no longer doubt. I feel utterly exhausted despite having barely moved. My every neuron feels fried. All 6 grasping appendages are sore from the repetitive motions, and my eyes are dry and unfocused from the long strain I have put them through. I feel intense pangs of hunger and thirst, as I haven’t eaten or drank since I started this test.
I still want more. But with a great effort of will I force myself away from the screen of my computing terminal and stumble to my pantry so I may attend to my body’s needs. As I gulp down nutrient drinks and chew some dried fruit, I reflect on the trance I’ve somehow barely managed to pull myself out of.
Simulations. A useful tool for engineers, scientists, and military strategists. We had never thought to teach storytellers or artists to use them. Humans had. And what they created was both miraculous and monstrous.
Humans decided to use simulation technology to create art and craft stories. It seemed that there was a human simulation… no, hundreds of human simulations, designed to invoke whatever feeling or emotion you could imagine. And possibly some you couldn’t.
I had started simple. A basic test of spatial reasoning, and later quick thinking, expressed through the medium of stacking colored blocks formed into geometric shapes. While comparable at first to a children's toy, as the speed and challenge increased I became increasingly hypnotized. The feeling of lining up and clearing four rows at once with the all too rare straight piece was intensely satisfying. Making a mistake, leaving a gap caused frustration and incompleteness like I had never felt before, and eventually fixing it gave a feeling of relief, of rightness. As the game sped up, I found myself more and more frantic to try and find places for every piece. The rush of success and agony of failure only increased as I prided and chided myself on my quick decisions.
Eventually, I could keep up no longer, leaving me only with a number. A score.
Could I push that score higher?
[4 hours] went by, and I barely noticed.
I should have stopped. I knew that what I had was genuine. But I wanted to know what else this data was capable of.
I navigated a colorful landscape, defying gravity with every action and finding joy in exploration and collection.
I slaughtered demons with a chaingun, turning the fear of being devoured into a rising sense of conquest and bloodlust.
I failed a single test of dexterity, sending me tumbling down a hole and erasing hours of progress, and I nearly knocked myself out from the shock of frustration.
I defeated a hulking warrior with a team of other adventurers, and the triumph of it was only amplified by the sting of failing several times before.
Freedom and entrapment.
Horror and domination.
Elation and sorrow.
Every new experience was an emotional high of a kind I’d never had before, and my hearts were racing with the myriad of feelings rushing through my mind. My imagination was going wild with the possibilities of all these new worlds of data and programming.
My self-reflection comes to a grinding halt. I need to stop. If I’m not careful I’ll get addicted and end up like one of those mindjackers, burning their brains out on data drugs. Supposedly these simulations can’t do that, but I wouldn’t have put it past the seller to lie about that kind of thing.
Well, one way or another, I’m gonna make a [alien animal that shares many traits with both giant squids and magpies]’s hoard selling these. Time to call my best clients…
[Time skip: approximately 25 solar years]
The Rise of the Galactic Game Industry: Fluke of the Black Market, or Human Marketing Genius? You Decide!
Dr’k-Nam, Head Investigative Critic for the Arts and Culture section of Twin Suns Newsgroup
Simulation games, also known as “video games”, have taken the galaxy by storm ever since their controversial introduction and subsequent series of bannings and legalizations across the galaxy. Simulation technology is nothing new of course, but galactic newcomers from the Sol system, Humans, used it in an extremely novel way: art and entertainment. According to their historical records, a significant amount of their entertainment industry is based around simulation games, and that portion has grown even further with their introduction to the galaxy at large.
At first, however, no one was interested. A simulation with little or no practical application, designed only to entertain? Most people preferred to stick with the entertainment they knew, or seek new experiences outside of sims. So what changed?
Simple: some anonymous human decided to sell them as data drugs instead of simulation games; data drugs usable by simply interacting with a computer program, rather than having to inject the data directly in through a neural interface. With this small, but completely false new branding, video games were ready to start spreading across virtual black markets like spoilers for the latest episode of Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah on the galnet (side note: please have some courtesy to others and tag your spoilers).
Human governance and society at large had been reportedly as surprised to see a lack of simulation games from other species as they were that humans had them. But they were even more surprised when they started getting accused of pushing the latest data drug. This was an especially confusing accusation because neural interface technology was not widely adopted by humanity at the time, and only a fraction of a percent of their population even knew of the existence of data drugs in the first place. The revelation that most humans had video games of some sort on their PPDDs (personal portable data devices) threatened to cause an uproar in the galaxy, as paranoia around data drugs was at an all time high among many species.
After trying and failing to ignore the problem for long enough for it to go away, human governance, as well as human corporations producing video games, were forced to release statements, acknowledging that:
- Yes, video games were human productions.
- Yes, they could be addictive in the same way that any other pleasure-seeking activity could be addictive.
- Yes, there are games that even humans ban. Adult subject matter is restricted from youths, but additionally, games could be made manipulatively to exploit or develop gambling addictions, which is banned outright. Technically this ban isn’t even for games specifically, but instead falls under the purview of their laws against taking advantage of the mentally unstable.
- No, they did not “hack your brain” to cause neural impulses, unless you’re a a Syns-nah, who only partially exist in our dimension and are not used to any 3-dimensional sensory inputs, to the point where eating an unflavored [grain product resembling a cracker] can cause them vivid hallucinations.
- If other races want to ban them, go ahead, but humans can’t really stop data from spreading (their government has tried, believe me), and they’re not going to stop making or distributing them where it’s legal.
Rumors that the data drug sales pitch was a deliberate ploy by the human game industry (to drum up intergalactic sales) or by human governance (to spread human culture and influence) are still under investigation, but solid evidence for either has yet to emerge.
Edit: anyone posting untagged Ace Flyer Kr’t-Kah spoilers in the comments section of this article will receive an immediate, no-warning permaban.
2024.05.19 01:43 absolutelyunsure_ Is it generally acceptable to ask for space from pregnant friends sharing details of their pregnancy?
I posted earier today in another subreddit sharing my story about having a recent miscarriage and then having my sister-in-law announce her pregnancy a few days later.
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/TryingForABaby/comments/1cuy68t/just_need_to_vent_about_this_impossible/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
She did not know about my miscarriage and I let her give her announcement and share any/all details and excitement for a few hours, including watching a video of my MIL finding out she’s going to be a grandma before leaving for the night with a smile and congratulations. At no point did I give any indication that anything was wrong and I was engaged in the conversation. I then cried the whole way home.
After making my post on Reddit and getting so many kind words and support, I decided to reach out to her via text this morning with a very carefully worded message explaining I am so immensely happy for her, but I just had a miscarriage a few days ago and we coincidentally had the same due date. I asked for a bit of space and for her to not share too many details with me during this time while I process everything, and reiterated that I am NOT asking her to not talk about her pregnancy. Just to try to keep “the baby is as small as an orange seed” and conversations like that to a minimum if possible.
I said again how excited I am for them and how sorry I am to ask this - I repeated that I would not be telling them any of this unless I felt it absolutely necessary to protect my heart.
She did not take it well at all. She replied that it is “completely unacceptable for them to share the biggest news of their lives and not even 24 hours later I tell her that she can’t share the details of her pregnancy.” And that it made her “so so so sick to her stomach” that I would text that to her.
I’m at a loss. I feel horrible for ever telling her, but at the same time, I told her because I imagined she would have even a shred of empathy and understanding. I apologized for telling her and offered to call her so we can make sure we get any weird feelings squashed. She said “a phone call is not necessary. Everything has been said. Have a good weekend!” And ended the conversation.
I’m just…baffled? Did I do something wrong by sharing this with her? I have told no one else aside from my best friend, so it’s not like I’m stealing her spotlight. I’m just so disheartened and grossed out by the response.
submitted by absolutelyunsure_ to Miscarriage [link] [comments]
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/TryingForABaby/comments/1cuy68t/just_need_to_vent_about_this_impossible/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
She did not know about my miscarriage and I let her give her announcement and share any/all details and excitement for a few hours, including watching a video of my MIL finding out she’s going to be a grandma before leaving for the night with a smile and congratulations. At no point did I give any indication that anything was wrong and I was engaged in the conversation. I then cried the whole way home.
After making my post on Reddit and getting so many kind words and support, I decided to reach out to her via text this morning with a very carefully worded message explaining I am so immensely happy for her, but I just had a miscarriage a few days ago and we coincidentally had the same due date. I asked for a bit of space and for her to not share too many details with me during this time while I process everything, and reiterated that I am NOT asking her to not talk about her pregnancy. Just to try to keep “the baby is as small as an orange seed” and conversations like that to a minimum if possible.
I said again how excited I am for them and how sorry I am to ask this - I repeated that I would not be telling them any of this unless I felt it absolutely necessary to protect my heart.
She did not take it well at all. She replied that it is “completely unacceptable for them to share the biggest news of their lives and not even 24 hours later I tell her that she can’t share the details of her pregnancy.” And that it made her “so so so sick to her stomach” that I would text that to her.
I’m at a loss. I feel horrible for ever telling her, but at the same time, I told her because I imagined she would have even a shred of empathy and understanding. I apologized for telling her and offered to call her so we can make sure we get any weird feelings squashed. She said “a phone call is not necessary. Everything has been said. Have a good weekend!” And ended the conversation.
I’m just…baffled? Did I do something wrong by sharing this with her? I have told no one else aside from my best friend, so it’s not like I’m stealing her spotlight. I’m just so disheartened and grossed out by the response.
2024.05.19 01:43 juanitasdiner 5 Top-Rated Steakhouses in Wildomar, California 2024
Welcome to the scenic city of Wildomar, California, where the serene landscape and welcoming community create the perfect backdrop for a culinary adventure. If you're a steak enthusiast, you're in for a treat! In 2024, Wildomar is home to some of the finest steakhouses in the state, each offering a unique dining experience that will leave your taste buds begging for more. Whether you're a local or just passing through, here's a rundown of the 5 top-rated steakhouses in Wildomar, California, 2024. Get ready to indulge in juicy, flavorful cuts of beef that are cooked to perfection!
So, what are you waiting for? Grab your friends, family, or that special someone and embark on a steak-filled adventure in Wildomar. Bon appétit!
submitted by juanitasdiner to u/juanitasdiner [link] [comments]
The 5 Top-Rated Steakhouses in Wildomar, California 2024
1. The Rustic Fork Steakhouse
The Rustic Fork Steakhouse, a local favorite, has earned its reputation as one of Wildomar's top-rated steakhouses. Nestled in the heart of the city, this charming eatery combines rustic decor with a modern twist, creating a cozy yet upscale atmosphere.What Makes It Special?
- Prime Cuts: The Rustic Fork offers an impressive selection of USDA Prime steaks, including ribeye, filet mignon, and New York strip, all aged to perfection.
- Signature Sauces: Don't miss their signature sauces, like the creamy peppercorn or the tangy chimichurri, which add an extra layer of flavor to their already delicious steaks.
- Farm-to-Table: Committed to using locally sourced ingredients, The Rustic Fork ensures that every dish is fresh and flavorful.
2. Wildomar's Steak Haven
For a more intimate dining experience, head over to Wildomar's Steak Haven. This hidden gem is known for its warm, welcoming atmosphere and exceptional service.Why You'll Love It
- Exquisite Menu: Their menu features a variety of steak cuts, including the crowd-favorite T-bone and the succulent porterhouse, all cooked to your liking.
- Wine Pairings: With a carefully curated wine list, Wildomar's Steak Haven offers perfect pairings for every steak, enhancing your dining experience.
- Chef's Specials: Keep an eye out for the chef's specials, which often include unique and creative steak dishes that aren't available on the regular menu.
3. The Butcher's Block
The Butcher's Block is where steak lovers go for a hearty, no-frills meal. This steakhouse prides itself on delivering high-quality steaks in a laid-back, casual setting.Highlights
- Generous Portions: Known for their generous portions, The Butcher's Block ensures that you leave the table fully satisfied.
- Grill Master Expertise: Their grill masters are experts in their craft, ensuring that each steak is cooked to perfection, whether you prefer it rare or well-done.
- Seasonal Sides: Pair your steak with a variety of seasonal sides, from garlic mashed potatoes to grilled asparagus.
4. The Urban Cowgirl
If you're looking for a modern dining experience with a touch of Western flair, The Urban Cowgirl is the place to be. This trendy steakhouse combines contemporary decor with classic steakhouse charm.What Sets It Apart?
- Innovative Dishes: The Urban Cowgirl offers a range of innovative steak dishes, such as their bourbon-glazed sirloin and blue cheese crusted filet.
- Vibrant Atmosphere: With live music on weekends and a lively bar scene, this steakhouse is perfect for a night out with friends or a special date night.
- Dessert Delights: Save room for dessert, because their house-made chocolate lava cake and bourbon pecan pie are simply irresistible.
5. The Golden T-Bone
Last but certainly not least, The Golden T-Bone stands out as one of Wildomar's top-rated steakhouses thanks to its exceptional quality and impeccable service.Reasons to Visit
- Premium Selections: From the tender prime rib to the flavorful flat iron steak, The Golden T-Bone's menu is packed with premium selections that are sure to impress.
- Craft Cocktails: Their expert mixologists whip up craft cocktails that perfectly complement their steak offerings, adding an extra touch of luxury to your meal.
- Elegant Ambiance: With its elegant decor and soft lighting, The Golden T-Bone provides an upscale dining experience that's perfect for celebrating special occasions.
FAQs About Dining in Wildomar
What are the must-try steaks at these top-rated steakhouses?
Each steakhouse offers its own specialties, but some must-try steaks include:- The ribeye at The Rustic Fork Steakhouse
- The T-bone at Wildomar's Steak Haven
- The porterhouse at The Butcher's Block
- The bourbon-glazed sirloin at The Urban Cowgirl
- The prime rib at The Golden T-Bone
Are reservations necessary?
While not always required, making a reservation is highly recommended, especially during weekends and peak dining hours. This ensures you get a table without a long wait.Do these steakhouses offer vegetarian options?
Yes, most of these steakhouses offer vegetarian dishes or sides. The Urban Cowgirl and The Rustic Fork Steakhouse, in particular, have a variety of vegetarian options.What is the dress code for these steakhouses?
The dress code varies:- The Rustic Fork Steakhouse and The Golden T-Bone lean towards business casual.
- Wildomar's Steak Haven and The Butcher's Block are more casual and relaxed.
- The Urban Cowgirl has a trendy, casual vibe.
Are these steakhouses family-friendly?
Absolutely! While some might have a more romantic or upscale atmosphere, all the mentioned steakhouses welcome families and offer kid-friendly menu options.Conclusion
Wildomar, California, might be a small city, but it's big on flavor, especially when it comes to steaks. In 2024, the 5 top-rated steakhouses in Wildomar are setting the bar high for culinary excellence. Whether you're in the mood for a rustic, intimate dinner at Wildomar's Steak Haven or a vibrant night out at The Urban Cowgirl, there's a steakhouse in this charming city that will cater to your cravings.So, what are you waiting for? Grab your friends, family, or that special someone and embark on a steak-filled adventure in Wildomar. Bon appétit!
2024.05.19 01:41 Sea_Fold_1886 It's a package deal, it seems.
 | submitted by Sea_Fold_1886 to CharacterAI [link] [comments] |
2024.05.19 01:40 im_mad_mad What should I do moving forward?
I (21m) am engaged (20f)! We’ve been together for almost the past 3 years and aren’t perfect but we’ve made it through some extremely tough times. We love each other but she holds her family over me at all times. Sibling needs something? I’m put in the back burner! I’m not saying it’s bad to prioritize your family but sometimes you just need to take a second to think of your life. Recently her grandpa started to get sicker so she’s been trying to get him to the hospital despite how rude he was on her way growing up. Recently it’s been pronounced that his cancer spread and chemo would insta-kill so she called me and let me know that our newly started lease would have to be abandoned and we’d have to move back into the area so she can help her family since the rest of them are either mentally or physically impaired. I told her at the start of our relationship: “if anything comes between us, it’s gonna be your family!” She also mentioned that she’s sad from the events but also knowing we may need to break up knowing that
A. I wouldn’t wanna move back there
B. She can’t do long distance
She called the other night to update me on his condition and asked me if I had a plan for my accommodation. I told her I didn’t just yet but had help and was thinking of renting a room. When I told her that she began crying, likely from the realization that she’d have to leave me behind. He passed this afternoon just 3 hours ago and from the time she told me we may be breaking up I did all the coping I could to be prepared! I cried and remembered all of our great memories and how much I loved her and if the worst will come, then I’m mentally prepared but still have no idea what I’ll be doing afterwards! I ask for any help with advice on this matter. Even just typing this I can still feel my heart sunken into my chest.
submitted by im_mad_mad to Advice [link] [comments]
A. I wouldn’t wanna move back there
B. She can’t do long distance
She called the other night to update me on his condition and asked me if I had a plan for my accommodation. I told her I didn’t just yet but had help and was thinking of renting a room. When I told her that she began crying, likely from the realization that she’d have to leave me behind. He passed this afternoon just 3 hours ago and from the time she told me we may be breaking up I did all the coping I could to be prepared! I cried and remembered all of our great memories and how much I loved her and if the worst will come, then I’m mentally prepared but still have no idea what I’ll be doing afterwards! I ask for any help with advice on this matter. Even just typing this I can still feel my heart sunken into my chest.
2024.05.19 01:40 OverstuffedPapa I want to become a legal interpreter. Should I learn Mandarin or Japanese?
Hello! I am a court reporter. I love my job, but with the way big box companies are trying to shove us out of our industry, I've decided to resume learning one of the languages I abandoned in my early twenties so that in the event my job becomes obsolete, I can pivot to a related job in my same industry, legal interpreting.
I have a deep love for Japanese culture and the language itself. I found the grammar challenging, but I always wanted to learn more. I want to spend a lot of time in Japan as I make more money, and my heart really screams "learn Japanese." I just don't know how useful it would be for legal interpretation or another sector of interpretation entirely.
I also used to study Mandarin as a teenager. I really loved it. The grammar made sense, I picked it up quickly, and my teachers said I was learning rapidly. I just don't have as much of an emotional attachment to Mandarin, but I have heard it's more useful for business/interpretation jobs.
Ideally, I will learn both. But I want to be realistic with time/energy constraints as an adult and "prioritize" one over the other at the very least. So I would love advice! Thank you!
View Poll
submitted by OverstuffedPapa to thisorthatlanguage [link] [comments]
I have a deep love for Japanese culture and the language itself. I found the grammar challenging, but I always wanted to learn more. I want to spend a lot of time in Japan as I make more money, and my heart really screams "learn Japanese." I just don't know how useful it would be for legal interpretation or another sector of interpretation entirely.
I also used to study Mandarin as a teenager. I really loved it. The grammar made sense, I picked it up quickly, and my teachers said I was learning rapidly. I just don't have as much of an emotional attachment to Mandarin, but I have heard it's more useful for business/interpretation jobs.
Ideally, I will learn both. But I want to be realistic with time/energy constraints as an adult and "prioritize" one over the other at the very least. So I would love advice! Thank you!
View Poll
2024.05.19 01:38 flametrotter Was No Contact too harsh?
I'm at the point in this (grueling) process where I am turning to the internet for unbiased commentary, guys. Somebody, anybody lol
After 30 years on this planet, many friendships and a few boyfriends, I don't think I've ever just stopped talking to anybody without some kind of a departing conversation. In most situations I think the fair thing to do is amicably go separate ways, both know where the other stands, etc.
Until 2 wks ago when I felt like I was being played and chose to go No Contact with a guy I've been in a 'situationship' with since the Fall. But the way I chose to go about it has me feeling like I did it wrong...and I need advice before I do something too nice like reach back out.
I'm going to spare the full story but just know there were little things that led up to the big thing lol. And if you've been in that stage of seeing someone where you don't know what you guys are, but they're telling you it is going somewhere, this ones for us baby, Cheers.
Let's just say this guy has decently important job, where he's in the process of leveling up in his career (or so I know). He's busy and I've respected that. We make time when it works, which is usually at night and I always accepted that. Our relationship started in the gym, and I'll admit is mainly intimate; we're together at night, talk most of our days thru work, and don't get a lot of time to go out/date. For what it's worth, I'd been committed to him and we agreed we were exclusive (or I would not be involved with what we're doing).
His birthday was coming up. When I asked what he'd like to do, he said it wasn't a big deal this year, that he would be working and he doesn't care to celebrate (go out). That felt odd but I figured since it fell on a weekday it made sense, and that we'd still be together that night after work.
We spoke the morning of his birthday, he said he was working all day and we agreed if he wanted to do anything together later on he'd let me know what's up after work... this man didn't call me til 11PM.
The next day when we spoke, he said he ended up going to the gym and then out to dinner with a co worker very last minute. I was left under the impression he was busy with work!
The day after that he added on to the story that the co worker was a female, I had to ask. A female, married, long time friend and coworker he said I didn't need to worry about. This person met him for dinner at 9PM on a week night on HIS BIRTHDAY without her husband, or me.
I feel like this warranted a reevaluation of what we wanted together convo... both attempts did not go well or get me anywhere. I won't get into how, but just know he basically shut the convo down twice yet still tried to act like everything was fine by continuing to talk to me daily, ask when I was coming over etc. Meanwhile I was stewing, confused, and just trying to process and plan.
Granted, we're not in "a relationship". But I feel so disrespected and it changed my outlook on what I thought we had entirely. All things considered I just know I deserve better than that treatment, and even if this co worker is really just a friend, it's not just that he had his bday dinner with another woman alone. It's that he didn't choose me.
So a week, one last time hooking up (don't judge me please), and some small talk over those few days later, I've just stopped responding to him. I woke up one day and I felt like I deserved way more reassurance than I got and that I just let him slide. The birthday situation just doesn't sit right.
He's called a lot and from multiple numbers. But the few texts he's sent aren't endearing at all. He hasn't apologized, asked what he did, and hasn't professed any love LOL, now he just wants to know if I'm really going to ignore him.
DO I OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION?! Was my timing way off and confusing? Or does he know why?
I don't think he is a bad person. He's just not ready for me.
I went No Contact to protect myself but I also left the line open to see how he acts and what he says. I'm grown enough to know that if the man couldn't live without me I wouldn't be writing to Reddit. So I'll do the math there.....but do I at least owe him a response, or is it better to do what I'm doing?
My empath heart is going to pop help :(
submitted by flametrotter to nocontact [link] [comments]
After 30 years on this planet, many friendships and a few boyfriends, I don't think I've ever just stopped talking to anybody without some kind of a departing conversation. In most situations I think the fair thing to do is amicably go separate ways, both know where the other stands, etc.
Until 2 wks ago when I felt like I was being played and chose to go No Contact with a guy I've been in a 'situationship' with since the Fall. But the way I chose to go about it has me feeling like I did it wrong...and I need advice before I do something too nice like reach back out.
I'm going to spare the full story but just know there were little things that led up to the big thing lol. And if you've been in that stage of seeing someone where you don't know what you guys are, but they're telling you it is going somewhere, this ones for us baby, Cheers.
Let's just say this guy has decently important job, where he's in the process of leveling up in his career (or so I know). He's busy and I've respected that. We make time when it works, which is usually at night and I always accepted that. Our relationship started in the gym, and I'll admit is mainly intimate; we're together at night, talk most of our days thru work, and don't get a lot of time to go out/date. For what it's worth, I'd been committed to him and we agreed we were exclusive (or I would not be involved with what we're doing).
His birthday was coming up. When I asked what he'd like to do, he said it wasn't a big deal this year, that he would be working and he doesn't care to celebrate (go out). That felt odd but I figured since it fell on a weekday it made sense, and that we'd still be together that night after work.
We spoke the morning of his birthday, he said he was working all day and we agreed if he wanted to do anything together later on he'd let me know what's up after work... this man didn't call me til 11PM.
The next day when we spoke, he said he ended up going to the gym and then out to dinner with a co worker very last minute. I was left under the impression he was busy with work!
The day after that he added on to the story that the co worker was a female, I had to ask. A female, married, long time friend and coworker he said I didn't need to worry about. This person met him for dinner at 9PM on a week night on HIS BIRTHDAY without her husband, or me.
I feel like this warranted a reevaluation of what we wanted together convo... both attempts did not go well or get me anywhere. I won't get into how, but just know he basically shut the convo down twice yet still tried to act like everything was fine by continuing to talk to me daily, ask when I was coming over etc. Meanwhile I was stewing, confused, and just trying to process and plan.
Granted, we're not in "a relationship". But I feel so disrespected and it changed my outlook on what I thought we had entirely. All things considered I just know I deserve better than that treatment, and even if this co worker is really just a friend, it's not just that he had his bday dinner with another woman alone. It's that he didn't choose me.
So a week, one last time hooking up (don't judge me please), and some small talk over those few days later, I've just stopped responding to him. I woke up one day and I felt like I deserved way more reassurance than I got and that I just let him slide. The birthday situation just doesn't sit right.
He's called a lot and from multiple numbers. But the few texts he's sent aren't endearing at all. He hasn't apologized, asked what he did, and hasn't professed any love LOL, now he just wants to know if I'm really going to ignore him.
DO I OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION?! Was my timing way off and confusing? Or does he know why?
I don't think he is a bad person. He's just not ready for me.
I went No Contact to protect myself but I also left the line open to see how he acts and what he says. I'm grown enough to know that if the man couldn't live without me I wouldn't be writing to Reddit. So I'll do the math there.....but do I at least owe him a response, or is it better to do what I'm doing?
My empath heart is going to pop help :(
2024.05.19 01:38 Pinkfox10 AITA for trying to take my friend’s mind off her difficult situation
My (36F) friend (37F) has been very ill recently and has been updating us in our group on what’s been happening to her. I wasn’t able to visit her during this time due to my busy schedule but after some weeks I made some time and visited her this week.
When I got there I took her a little gift and was chatting to her about everything I’ve been up to with work and vacation trips, the beautiful locations and experiences and keeping the conversation positive and uplifting. After awhile in the middle of that she started talking about her illness, time in hospital and all the traumatic and difficult stuff that happened to her. I told her she doesn’t need to re-live all that by talking about it, and she said it helps - but she’s already told us everything in messages and it was just going to get her down again so I changed the subject to house renovations as I’ve just bought a house and it’s a good easy subject for her to take her mind off things too.
She listened for awhile and then when there was a break in the conversation she tried to steer it back to talking about how difficult it’s been for her and more stuff about what happened in the hospital which she hadn’t told us before. It wasn’t very nice stuff so I listened for a bit quietly to her but didn’t encourage it and then changed the subject to one of the countries I’ve just been to and the stunning scenery and amazing food we had, trying to talk about something positive and inspiring. She seemed to listen half heartedly, responding a little here and there with barely there comments and then it was time for me to go and we said our goodbyes. Again at the door she tried to start talking about all the stuff she’s been through and it started to feel quite inappropriate so I tried to wrap things up and said I needed to go walking away.
Later in the evening I got a text from her saying she doesn’t understand why I visited her at all when all I did was come to boast about my holidays and amazing life updates and didn’t want to know about her illness. I’ve responded that I was just trying to take her mind of things and that she’d already told us about everything that happened in messages, there was no need for her to keep going over it in her head or to us and it felt like it was getting a bit wallow-ish?
submitted by Pinkfox10 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
When I got there I took her a little gift and was chatting to her about everything I’ve been up to with work and vacation trips, the beautiful locations and experiences and keeping the conversation positive and uplifting. After awhile in the middle of that she started talking about her illness, time in hospital and all the traumatic and difficult stuff that happened to her. I told her she doesn’t need to re-live all that by talking about it, and she said it helps - but she’s already told us everything in messages and it was just going to get her down again so I changed the subject to house renovations as I’ve just bought a house and it’s a good easy subject for her to take her mind off things too.
She listened for awhile and then when there was a break in the conversation she tried to steer it back to talking about how difficult it’s been for her and more stuff about what happened in the hospital which she hadn’t told us before. It wasn’t very nice stuff so I listened for a bit quietly to her but didn’t encourage it and then changed the subject to one of the countries I’ve just been to and the stunning scenery and amazing food we had, trying to talk about something positive and inspiring. She seemed to listen half heartedly, responding a little here and there with barely there comments and then it was time for me to go and we said our goodbyes. Again at the door she tried to start talking about all the stuff she’s been through and it started to feel quite inappropriate so I tried to wrap things up and said I needed to go walking away.
Later in the evening I got a text from her saying she doesn’t understand why I visited her at all when all I did was come to boast about my holidays and amazing life updates and didn’t want to know about her illness. I’ve responded that I was just trying to take her mind of things and that she’d already told us about everything that happened in messages, there was no need for her to keep going over it in her head or to us and it felt like it was getting a bit wallow-ish?
2024.05.19 01:35 Sad-Blueberry2837 Finally closed the gap, and flew to the Philippines to celebrate our one year mark.
We celebrated our first year together. I spent 32 days in the Philippines. I absolutely love the Philippines, and I love him so much. I knew what we have is special, but I had no idea how special it would be once we met. If words could describe the happiness I feel. I am back home now, and this is even harder, but we are now working to find a way for me to go there, or for him to come here somehow. Doesn't matter where we are, but we will be together no matter what. The Philippines is filled with so many kind people. The food was so delicious. The scenery wow. I am so grateful for the gift I've been given. Never in my life have I experienced being with such a sweet, kind hearted, loving man. We are both vocalists, and we met on tiktok singing on live stream with other people, and it has been a whirlwind since the day we met. He has 2 kids who are almost grown, and I have two also who are grown as of last year. I am divorced, and he is in the last stages of his anullment after being separated for over 3 years. He worked for years abroad in the middle east saving money to get the anullment, and provide for his children. He just returned and took a final exit in December since he finally reached his goal. To be free from the mental abuse he suffered. I really pray that the divorce law passes in Phillipines for the sake of all the people who are stuck in abusive, or horrible situations with no way out due to old beliefs, and the Roman catholic church ways. So if you feel like giving up on your LDR don't do it. It could be life changing. He is the best decision I have ever made, and I truly believe God put us together that day. We needed each other, and have grown so much, and found peace in the love we share. Keep fighting for happiness no matter how hard. Love is worth it. ❤️ Good luck out there & stay strong. 💪🏻 0 Regrets. We are now 1 year, and 1 month. Forever in the making. Although our situation has been hard, I saw him and I knew. Both our hands were shaking, but happiness overflowed from us both. We cried when we first saw each other, we hugged, we kissed. He bought us rings while I was there and proposed. He is my everything, and I have no doubt I am also his. Pure love, and absolute certainty we were meant to be.
submitted by Sad-Blueberry2837 to LDR [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 01:33 kkaiyo Lost, scared. I miss my boy. Help.
Today, I lost our Alfie after 11 years with us.
Alfie was a rescue that we met 11 years ago, to this day. A small, chihuahua mix – he was often timid with others and people, but for some reason, grew very interested in us at the dog park day. We were there to actually review adopting another dog, but that dog took no interest. Instead, Alfie (then named Rugger) followed us around the dog park as my partner (now husband) and I walked around the dog park. We would look back, and there he was – checking us out and shyly walking the other direction each time we caught him. Our heart became set on him, and as he sat in the back while other more aggressive dogs with their love came forward, we were set on him and pushed our way through the crowd to get back to him.
Right away, we could tell that he was possibly abused as a stray from San Bernardino. He was cautious and hated us picking him up – his body would fall flat to the floor. Regardless, he still worked through his timidness and crawled into bed and went under the sheets on our first night and slept with this. He always felt shy and timid with strangers, never scared just not too sure, but he blossomed and showcased his love, fun and energy with us. We always got to see him for all he is and could be. I could tell that he trusted us – and I know that sounds cliché since I’m sure every pet parent feels this way, but it seems like he knew we would always have his back. He never left our side and would come with us to family gatherings just as if a child would. He was our baby and he knew it.
Last year, kidney disease popped up on our radar at stage 2 – it was a shock, but after 10 years and an unknown true age (rescue estimated 3, vet estimated 4-5), we knew that we were getting into this old age problems. Suddenly, his teeth got bad – and we were hesitant to do anesthesia. But they got worse and worse as in the case of most Chihuahua’s, and we did some blood work to see if he was stable before scheduling an appointment. Then we were told it was stage 3.
He was so uncomfortable with his mouth, we knew we had to do something – but then we started considering his medications, his back injections, his anemia, his lethargy, his qualify of life… We made a decision, then it was back and forth on some good days, til it wasn’t. We made the decision to put him down yesterday, and this AM the vet came over and put him down in the living room with him in my arms.
I am absolutely heartbroken and I cannot stop crying. I’m physically feeling pain in all parts of my body. My head hurts, my nose hurts, my eyes hurt, my throat hurts, my chest hurts… everything is just hurting from nonstop convulsing crying. The vet said he was passing already from the sounds of it and her visual examination, and not even a half dose of his sedative caused him to start going and an irregular heart beat (he pulled away yelping from the injection). But I can’t shake that I chose this and chose his death. I can’t get rid of this guilt and this horrible feeling. And then I remember everything, then I focus on missing him, then its guilt, and now its me being pissed that I didn’t get more time with him and that this feels so unfair and how dare God take him from me with conditions that led us to this point.
I don’t know what to do. I am just repeating everything in my head nonstop. I keep expecting him laying right next to me and to feel his warmth, or him asking for help onto the bed or couch. I can’t stand to look at all the things that gave him joy (being a Chihuahua from CA in Washington State, mostly blankets and space heaters). Everything is causing me grief and pain. I feel like this is excessive but I cannot stop – it’s been 7 hours but I don’t know. This feels like too much and I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for, it just seemed like someone could take this mess and tell me something. Anything. I just miss my boy and the only thing that would make me feel better is having him back. This is just too hard. I know he may have been up to 16 years old, but this still just kills me.
submitted by kkaiyo to Petloss [link] [comments]
Alfie was a rescue that we met 11 years ago, to this day. A small, chihuahua mix – he was often timid with others and people, but for some reason, grew very interested in us at the dog park day. We were there to actually review adopting another dog, but that dog took no interest. Instead, Alfie (then named Rugger) followed us around the dog park as my partner (now husband) and I walked around the dog park. We would look back, and there he was – checking us out and shyly walking the other direction each time we caught him. Our heart became set on him, and as he sat in the back while other more aggressive dogs with their love came forward, we were set on him and pushed our way through the crowd to get back to him.
Right away, we could tell that he was possibly abused as a stray from San Bernardino. He was cautious and hated us picking him up – his body would fall flat to the floor. Regardless, he still worked through his timidness and crawled into bed and went under the sheets on our first night and slept with this. He always felt shy and timid with strangers, never scared just not too sure, but he blossomed and showcased his love, fun and energy with us. We always got to see him for all he is and could be. I could tell that he trusted us – and I know that sounds cliché since I’m sure every pet parent feels this way, but it seems like he knew we would always have his back. He never left our side and would come with us to family gatherings just as if a child would. He was our baby and he knew it.
Last year, kidney disease popped up on our radar at stage 2 – it was a shock, but after 10 years and an unknown true age (rescue estimated 3, vet estimated 4-5), we knew that we were getting into this old age problems. Suddenly, his teeth got bad – and we were hesitant to do anesthesia. But they got worse and worse as in the case of most Chihuahua’s, and we did some blood work to see if he was stable before scheduling an appointment. Then we were told it was stage 3.
He was so uncomfortable with his mouth, we knew we had to do something – but then we started considering his medications, his back injections, his anemia, his lethargy, his qualify of life… We made a decision, then it was back and forth on some good days, til it wasn’t. We made the decision to put him down yesterday, and this AM the vet came over and put him down in the living room with him in my arms.
I am absolutely heartbroken and I cannot stop crying. I’m physically feeling pain in all parts of my body. My head hurts, my nose hurts, my eyes hurt, my throat hurts, my chest hurts… everything is just hurting from nonstop convulsing crying. The vet said he was passing already from the sounds of it and her visual examination, and not even a half dose of his sedative caused him to start going and an irregular heart beat (he pulled away yelping from the injection). But I can’t shake that I chose this and chose his death. I can’t get rid of this guilt and this horrible feeling. And then I remember everything, then I focus on missing him, then its guilt, and now its me being pissed that I didn’t get more time with him and that this feels so unfair and how dare God take him from me with conditions that led us to this point.
I don’t know what to do. I am just repeating everything in my head nonstop. I keep expecting him laying right next to me and to feel his warmth, or him asking for help onto the bed or couch. I can’t stand to look at all the things that gave him joy (being a Chihuahua from CA in Washington State, mostly blankets and space heaters). Everything is causing me grief and pain. I feel like this is excessive but I cannot stop – it’s been 7 hours but I don’t know. This feels like too much and I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for, it just seemed like someone could take this mess and tell me something. Anything. I just miss my boy and the only thing that would make me feel better is having him back. This is just too hard. I know he may have been up to 16 years old, but this still just kills me.
2024.05.19 01:32 ThrowAway4245111 Horrifying experience at a bus stop.
Hi Reddit, this is my first time posting on this site in years, for context on this story I am a 19-year-old girl residing in east London.
Two weeks ago, I was on a night out in my town, which I won't name, however, it is on the eastern outskirts of Greater London. It was a cold Friday night in early May when I began to walk home. By this time I was heavily drunk and had split off from my friends Sania and Marcus, who were also blackout drunk, they took the Elizabeth line to get home to their university digs in Harrow. So, I was left all by myself.
As I began to walk to the bus stop; which wasn't far from the club. I noticed a tall, skinny man with his head in his hands sitting on the red plastic bench at the stop. I couldn't see much of his face as it was obscured by his long, dark brown messy hair. I sat down on the bench, furthest away from him, because it was around 1 am, the area was deserted and honestly, this guy was giving me the creeps. He was wearing a dark brown leather bomber jacket, green cargos and a Mayhem band T-Shirt.
I sat, and waited for the bus, for around five minutes. Scrolling through TikTok. When suddenly, my focus was interrupted by the sound of sobbing coming from my left, I turned to see the man, head still in his hands sobbing uncontrollably. I glanced at the man several times before making my decision. I scooted over to him, put my hand on his shoulder (keep in mind I was still in my drink-induced, confident, sociable state). He looked up at me, admittedly I thought he was quite handsome, that was until I was hit by his breath, which was a fowl stench, a mixture of cigarettes, vomit and tooth decay.
He had thick, furrowed dark eyebrows, short yet unkempt stubble, tears rolling down his face. I asked him "Hey, are you alright?". At this point, his facial expression changed, he let out a loud smoker's cough, covering his mouth with his elbow. Wiping his tears away with the same elbow he looked me in the eyes and simply said: "I've hurt a lot of people". At this point, starting to sense the vibe was off, I asked "What do you mean?". I felt the alcohol starting to lose it's effects on me, I regretted interacting with this man at all.
He told me plainly, "I've killed someone." At this moment, my heart sunk to the bottom of my chest, I thought he must be joking, or lying. I timidly said, "Wait, what?" I was choking on my words. He went on to confess to me that he had killed a 17 year old boy after arranging a gay encounter with him over Grindr. He told me that he stabbed the boy in the neck with a screwdriver before burning his body in the woods with lighter fluid. I stood there aghast at this sudden confession, when I saw the headlights of the night bus approaching in the distance, without hesitating I boarded, tapped my oyster and looked back, he did not follow me on. The bus doors slam shut, I ride the bus, only for around four stops before reaching my house, as I step out from the bus, I look to my left only to see a dark figure with long dark hair running towards me down the street, I book it towards my house, shove the key into the lock before slamming the door shut and screaming for my mum.
That night I dreamt of the encounter in vivid detail, and the following night, and the night after. However, as the nights went on, I would see the act of murder in his eyes, as if it was a projection, the dream would pause as he looked up to me, and the pause would be longer each night, seeing more vivid details reflected from his dark green eyes. The dreams stopped around a week after the experience, but I was left deeply disturbed. What unsettled me the most was his voice, robotic and deep, sounding almost distorted as I dreamt of him more and more. My last dream was on the night of the 11th of May, a Saturday night. I was awoken to complete paralysis of my body, I heard as clear as day from across the room "There wasn't just one victim." Loudly in a female voice.
I made my official police report today (18/05/24), and was given a reference number, the police told me they would try to identify the man, as he was caught on CCTV walking past the club I was at several times that night (which ironically is opposite the police station).
submitted by ThrowAway4245111 to TrueScaryStories [link] [comments]
Two weeks ago, I was on a night out in my town, which I won't name, however, it is on the eastern outskirts of Greater London. It was a cold Friday night in early May when I began to walk home. By this time I was heavily drunk and had split off from my friends Sania and Marcus, who were also blackout drunk, they took the Elizabeth line to get home to their university digs in Harrow. So, I was left all by myself.
As I began to walk to the bus stop; which wasn't far from the club. I noticed a tall, skinny man with his head in his hands sitting on the red plastic bench at the stop. I couldn't see much of his face as it was obscured by his long, dark brown messy hair. I sat down on the bench, furthest away from him, because it was around 1 am, the area was deserted and honestly, this guy was giving me the creeps. He was wearing a dark brown leather bomber jacket, green cargos and a Mayhem band T-Shirt.
I sat, and waited for the bus, for around five minutes. Scrolling through TikTok. When suddenly, my focus was interrupted by the sound of sobbing coming from my left, I turned to see the man, head still in his hands sobbing uncontrollably. I glanced at the man several times before making my decision. I scooted over to him, put my hand on his shoulder (keep in mind I was still in my drink-induced, confident, sociable state). He looked up at me, admittedly I thought he was quite handsome, that was until I was hit by his breath, which was a fowl stench, a mixture of cigarettes, vomit and tooth decay.
He had thick, furrowed dark eyebrows, short yet unkempt stubble, tears rolling down his face. I asked him "Hey, are you alright?". At this point, his facial expression changed, he let out a loud smoker's cough, covering his mouth with his elbow. Wiping his tears away with the same elbow he looked me in the eyes and simply said: "I've hurt a lot of people". At this point, starting to sense the vibe was off, I asked "What do you mean?". I felt the alcohol starting to lose it's effects on me, I regretted interacting with this man at all.
He told me plainly, "I've killed someone." At this moment, my heart sunk to the bottom of my chest, I thought he must be joking, or lying. I timidly said, "Wait, what?" I was choking on my words. He went on to confess to me that he had killed a 17 year old boy after arranging a gay encounter with him over Grindr. He told me that he stabbed the boy in the neck with a screwdriver before burning his body in the woods with lighter fluid. I stood there aghast at this sudden confession, when I saw the headlights of the night bus approaching in the distance, without hesitating I boarded, tapped my oyster and looked back, he did not follow me on. The bus doors slam shut, I ride the bus, only for around four stops before reaching my house, as I step out from the bus, I look to my left only to see a dark figure with long dark hair running towards me down the street, I book it towards my house, shove the key into the lock before slamming the door shut and screaming for my mum.
That night I dreamt of the encounter in vivid detail, and the following night, and the night after. However, as the nights went on, I would see the act of murder in his eyes, as if it was a projection, the dream would pause as he looked up to me, and the pause would be longer each night, seeing more vivid details reflected from his dark green eyes. The dreams stopped around a week after the experience, but I was left deeply disturbed. What unsettled me the most was his voice, robotic and deep, sounding almost distorted as I dreamt of him more and more. My last dream was on the night of the 11th of May, a Saturday night. I was awoken to complete paralysis of my body, I heard as clear as day from across the room "There wasn't just one victim." Loudly in a female voice.
I made my official police report today (18/05/24), and was given a reference number, the police told me they would try to identify the man, as he was caught on CCTV walking past the club I was at several times that night (which ironically is opposite the police station).
2024.05.19 01:32 FourQ1 I love Quinton Reviews
Boy oh boy where do I even begin. Quinton Reviews...Honey, my pookie bear, I have loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. The way you plant the spike in Reviews and strike fear into your enemies eyes. Your silky smooth touch around the Beard, and that gorgeous Glasses. I would do anything for you. I wish it were possible to freeze time so I would never have to watch you end stream. You’ve had some tough hate, but you never gave up hope. You are even more amazing off YouTube, you're a great cat father, and sometimes I even call you Daddy. I forever dread and weep, thinking of the day you will one day retire. I would sacrifice my own life if it were the only thing that could put a smile on your beautiful face. You have given me so much joy, and heartbreak over the years. I remember when you first took a break from uploading and it's like my heart got broken into a million pieces. But a tear still fell from my right eye when I watched you on your first iCarly review back in 2022, because deep down, my glorious king deserved it. I just wanted you to return home. Then allas, you did, my sweet baby boy came home, and I rejoiced. 2023 was a hard year for us, baby, but you made history happen. You made reviews, and I couldn't watch them all. I was crying, bawling even, until I heard my glorious king exclaim these words, “I fucking hate Trump" Not only have you changed the reviews of reviews and the world forever, but you've eternally changed my world. And now you're video getting longer, but still the goat, my goat. I love you pookie bear, my glorious king, QuintonReviews. ☺️❤️🫶🏽
submitted by FourQ1 to QuintonReviews [link] [comments]
2024.05.19 01:30 Staffchief I should be thrilled….but I’m not.
My wife (40f) seldom comes on Reddit so I’m (42m) not too worried about her seeing this. I’m going to talk to her more anyway but right now….i just feel a little lost and need to vent.
We have a 3.5 year old daughter who is great. While we ultimately conceived her the “regular” way it took a while and there was fertility testing as part of it. My count/quality was normal but her egg count was low. So I just figured, especially with the time that’s passed with no birth control efforts whatsoever, that that was just it: one and done and there’d be no other. I made my peace with it. Especially since, while I love my daughter with all my heart, I had hoped I’d have a son too.
I have a good job, and we live well - perhaps too well. My wife owns her own business and it doesn’t bring in much but she is able to cover incidentals for my daughter: clothes, shoes, etc. Yesterday we toured a private school trying to get ahead of things planning for my daughter’s education. Not cheap but doable, I thought. But like everyone else I feel like I’m struggling financially. Things are so expensive. I used to run a significant monthly surplus, now I’m basically breaking even. We live in a highly taxed state and that’s killing us too. But because of her business, leaving isn’t an option even if we wanted to (and I love our house and other aspects of our location, I just have to tolerate the local politics and high cost of living).
About an hour ago my wife called me into the bathroom and showed me a positive pregnancy test. Wtf. Our sex life isn’t even that good - a few times a month. But we’ve completely ignored the calendar too.
So now I should be over the moon happy, but I’m terrified. I’m exhausted all the time, how will I have the energy for two of them? My knees and back hurt constantly. I travel for work so I’m gone literally half the time which is tough on all of us. My mother in law is the only family we have to help and she lives six hours away. How will I possibly afford this? I’m just so, so scared that I’m not up to this.
submitted by Staffchief to daddit [link] [comments]
We have a 3.5 year old daughter who is great. While we ultimately conceived her the “regular” way it took a while and there was fertility testing as part of it. My count/quality was normal but her egg count was low. So I just figured, especially with the time that’s passed with no birth control efforts whatsoever, that that was just it: one and done and there’d be no other. I made my peace with it. Especially since, while I love my daughter with all my heart, I had hoped I’d have a son too.
I have a good job, and we live well - perhaps too well. My wife owns her own business and it doesn’t bring in much but she is able to cover incidentals for my daughter: clothes, shoes, etc. Yesterday we toured a private school trying to get ahead of things planning for my daughter’s education. Not cheap but doable, I thought. But like everyone else I feel like I’m struggling financially. Things are so expensive. I used to run a significant monthly surplus, now I’m basically breaking even. We live in a highly taxed state and that’s killing us too. But because of her business, leaving isn’t an option even if we wanted to (and I love our house and other aspects of our location, I just have to tolerate the local politics and high cost of living).
About an hour ago my wife called me into the bathroom and showed me a positive pregnancy test. Wtf. Our sex life isn’t even that good - a few times a month. But we’ve completely ignored the calendar too.
So now I should be over the moon happy, but I’m terrified. I’m exhausted all the time, how will I have the energy for two of them? My knees and back hurt constantly. I travel for work so I’m gone literally half the time which is tough on all of us. My mother in law is the only family we have to help and she lives six hours away. How will I possibly afford this? I’m just so, so scared that I’m not up to this.
2024.05.19 01:27 Arch_Angel_4070 20 yo male looking for someone special
Hey there! I’m a 20-year-old guy born and raised in the beautiful hills of West Virginia. I’m a down-to-earth person who loves the simple things in life. You can usually find me hiking the scenic trails, walking the quiet valleys, or just enjoying the peaceful outdoors. But at the right time I can grab a decent book and relax at the house or catch a movie with friends.
I’m a student working towards my degree, but in my free time, I’m all about adventures—whether it’s a spontaneous road trip, trying out a new local restaurant, or just stargazing on a clear night. I’m also a bit of a writer. I’m always coming up with a new story.
Looking For:
I’m looking for someone who shares my love for nature and has a kind, genuine heart. Someone who enjoys good conversation, has a great sense of humor, and isn’t afraid to try new things. If you’re up for some adventure and enjoy the simple pleasures in life, let’s chat and see where things go!
Interests:
Hiking and camping Exploring local history Music (I’m a singer) Cooking (especially grilling) Watching the stars Writing And Occasionally Gaming
Fun Fact:
Ive travelled to 16 different countries and traveling is one of the best choices I’ve made in my life!
Favorite Quote:
"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien
What I’m Looking For:
Someone adventurous and outdoorsy A good sense of humor Kind and caring Enjoys quiet nights as much as exciting days Open to exploring new places and experiences If you think we might click, send me a message! I’m looking forward to meeting someone special.
submitted by Arch_Angel_4070 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
I’m a student working towards my degree, but in my free time, I’m all about adventures—whether it’s a spontaneous road trip, trying out a new local restaurant, or just stargazing on a clear night. I’m also a bit of a writer. I’m always coming up with a new story.
Looking For:
I’m looking for someone who shares my love for nature and has a kind, genuine heart. Someone who enjoys good conversation, has a great sense of humor, and isn’t afraid to try new things. If you’re up for some adventure and enjoy the simple pleasures in life, let’s chat and see where things go!
Interests:
Hiking and camping Exploring local history Music (I’m a singer) Cooking (especially grilling) Watching the stars Writing And Occasionally Gaming
Fun Fact:
Ive travelled to 16 different countries and traveling is one of the best choices I’ve made in my life!
Favorite Quote:
"Not all those who wander are lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien
What I’m Looking For:
Someone adventurous and outdoorsy A good sense of humor Kind and caring Enjoys quiet nights as much as exciting days Open to exploring new places and experiences If you think we might click, send me a message! I’m looking forward to meeting someone special.
2024.05.19 01:27 FeeDizzy3077 Thank you...
Holy damn hell, today has been a wild ride . I attended the 40th anniversary party of the company I work for and damn did I feel lonely. All my college's brought their wife's/ husband's, girlfriends / boyfriend etc and I was among the very few out of the approximately 60 attendees who came by themselves .
Seeing these people laugh, chatter and getting along with each other while I was trying to keep up, kind of broke me to an extent I haven't felt In quite a while.
Despite me trying to fit in and socializing with my colleagues, i ended up sitting by myself for most of the evening. So I did the one thing I shouldn't have done to cope and feel better about myself.
I got drunk, like really heavily drunk and well, it made fitting in a tad bit easier at first but soon things turned out quite bad for me.
I quickly felt highly depressed and downright suicidal as the evening passed on, so I grabbed a bottle of water and hid around a corner to sober up before I'd left.
Out of all the people present, our secretary noticed me hiding from the group while I drank from the water bottle in an attempt to sober up.
She immediately noticed my horrible mood as I must have been close to tears at this stage and she asked me what was wrong.
I couldn't help but pour my heart out to her, how bad I felt about my loneliness and how it seemed so hopeless despite my best efforts. I even talked nonsensical about ending my own life during my drunken rant, which deeply upset her.
She then gave me some words of encouragement and spend a whole while talking to me about similar things she experienced during her life. She flat out begged me to keep trying and to hang on.
Her kind and emphatic words really helped me easen my fragile mood and God knows what I would have done without her tonight.
Having a person you barely know or talk to being the emotional pillar for me tonight, might have saved my life and I am really , REALLY grateful for her being there for me while nobody else was.
Well the lesson learned tonight is this : STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE. And when you least expect it , there might be someone there and caring about you , even when things seem hopeless.
submitted by FeeDizzy3077 to lonely [link] [comments]
Seeing these people laugh, chatter and getting along with each other while I was trying to keep up, kind of broke me to an extent I haven't felt In quite a while.
Despite me trying to fit in and socializing with my colleagues, i ended up sitting by myself for most of the evening. So I did the one thing I shouldn't have done to cope and feel better about myself.
I got drunk, like really heavily drunk and well, it made fitting in a tad bit easier at first but soon things turned out quite bad for me.
I quickly felt highly depressed and downright suicidal as the evening passed on, so I grabbed a bottle of water and hid around a corner to sober up before I'd left.
Out of all the people present, our secretary noticed me hiding from the group while I drank from the water bottle in an attempt to sober up.
She immediately noticed my horrible mood as I must have been close to tears at this stage and she asked me what was wrong.
I couldn't help but pour my heart out to her, how bad I felt about my loneliness and how it seemed so hopeless despite my best efforts. I even talked nonsensical about ending my own life during my drunken rant, which deeply upset her.
She then gave me some words of encouragement and spend a whole while talking to me about similar things she experienced during her life. She flat out begged me to keep trying and to hang on.
Her kind and emphatic words really helped me easen my fragile mood and God knows what I would have done without her tonight.
Having a person you barely know or talk to being the emotional pillar for me tonight, might have saved my life and I am really , REALLY grateful for her being there for me while nobody else was.
Well the lesson learned tonight is this : STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE. And when you least expect it , there might be someone there and caring about you , even when things seem hopeless.
2024.05.19 01:27 ThrowRAwayz7 first travel romance. feeling heartbroken and stupid.
Wrapping up my first international solo trip (it’s been amazing). However, I matched with this man on a dating app a week before my arrival. We hit it off through text and I ended up meeting him quickly. He ditched his friends to meet me and the night was absolutely magical. I have never instantly connected with someone like I did him. Our personalities, humor, everything felt perfect. We wondered around the city, talking until 6AM. He was so sweet and caring and the relationship naturally turned physical. We spent the next day together then I was off to another city for a couple days. We stayed in contact the entire time, reminiscing, chatting, and being excited for the next time we were able to see each other.
We spend another beautiful night together and he introduced me to one of his close friends. He made a comment “Wow you’re meeting one of my friends” as if he does not do this often. They chat about a party they’re going to the following night, he invites me to go with him. We end the night at my accommodation. However, as he’s leaving he takes his ring back off of the nightstand (he had given it to me the first night we were together and I had worn it the whole trip). My heart immediately sank when I noticed. He’s dressing up to leave and makes no mention of the plans we agreed to last night. Then he abruptly says this may be the last time I see him. It’s my last weekend and he knew that. He made it seem like we would spend it together. I immediately begin crying and he slightly consoles me before leaving. He didn’t seem sad in the slightest bit saying goodbye to me and that crushed me.
He was just telling me how special I was, talking about potentially visiting my state, wanting to know all about me. He even made a comment to our Uber driver jokingly saying I was his wife. He extended himself saying I am not alone here because I have him.
Looking back, it might’ve all been sweet nothings. I don’t know what I expected. I don’t think a relationship would’ve been realistic but a part of me was hoping just maybe. I thought we were both feeling strongly for one another but by the way he ended things, I was probably just a good time to him. I feel like I have no closure. I’m so sad, this trip has been wonderful but what a shitty way for it to end. I just want to go home now.
submitted by ThrowRAwayz7 to solotravel [link] [comments]
We spend another beautiful night together and he introduced me to one of his close friends. He made a comment “Wow you’re meeting one of my friends” as if he does not do this often. They chat about a party they’re going to the following night, he invites me to go with him. We end the night at my accommodation. However, as he’s leaving he takes his ring back off of the nightstand (he had given it to me the first night we were together and I had worn it the whole trip). My heart immediately sank when I noticed. He’s dressing up to leave and makes no mention of the plans we agreed to last night. Then he abruptly says this may be the last time I see him. It’s my last weekend and he knew that. He made it seem like we would spend it together. I immediately begin crying and he slightly consoles me before leaving. He didn’t seem sad in the slightest bit saying goodbye to me and that crushed me.
He was just telling me how special I was, talking about potentially visiting my state, wanting to know all about me. He even made a comment to our Uber driver jokingly saying I was his wife. He extended himself saying I am not alone here because I have him.
Looking back, it might’ve all been sweet nothings. I don’t know what I expected. I don’t think a relationship would’ve been realistic but a part of me was hoping just maybe. I thought we were both feeling strongly for one another but by the way he ended things, I was probably just a good time to him. I feel like I have no closure. I’m so sad, this trip has been wonderful but what a shitty way for it to end. I just want to go home now.
2024.05.19 01:22 boombalbi i don't want to be a bad friend, but i like him
i met this guy online and had an extremely short fling with him. as of writing this we've only known each other for about 3 weeks and were friends with benefits for a week before i decided to actually be open abt stuff in my life, making him decide to let us be actual friends. his words being (after i vented) "you're turning from a cute girl i wanna fuck to someone i want to help". afterwards he repeated that he genuinely did want to be friends with me.
when we first met he said he wasn't interested in relationships, and given my mental state of having raging abandonment issues i was okay with that. i also thought i wasn't ready. the problem is, i'd started developing (not that strong, we've known each other less than a month) real feelings for him. he's sweet and good-natured, mature, insightful, fun, and calls me out on my bs even if he can be a bit heavy handed with it. before we decided to call things off he's also said that i had a "good heart", that i was "kind", and that i "deserved the world" even if i was just looking for a fling.
we've also shown to be able to communicate well with each other after a tense situation. we called yesterday and we made each other tense because of my anxiety and self-sabotaging. on his part it was because i'd reminded him of his younger self from when he used to deal with those issues, and on my part because it seemed i affected him too easily and got him ticked when others would just try to reassure me and we'd move on. well we weren't able to bring the vibe back up, and we acknowledged that we just got carried away and that since we haven't been talking for too long we were still feeling each other out and getting to know each other.
after that he left a message about wanting to move on from the tense conversation and tried to liven up the mood by telling me... about this girl he's thinking of pursuing seriously. he says she's sweet, passionate, and attentive and that they talk about a lot of stuff together. they've known each other for a couple of months and they've already met up in real life (we haven't). this just makes me feel so horrible, but i don't want to give up what seems like a very good potential friend just because of my jealousy. i want to be a good friend but this is eating me up. if he also thought i was sweet and if he also liked talking to me, i can't help but think that if only the circumstances were better and if i had more time for him to get to know me he'd like me instead. he already thought i was physically attractive, and we were getting along so well... it hurts.
how do i deal with this without being a crappy friend to him? i've been told by someone in a really stable long term relationship that i shouldn't act like i've lost because nothing has been set in stone yet.
for additional context it seems she likes him as well but they aren't officially together yet. basically i thought i could finally have a friend who truly gets me that i could crush on safely while i worked through my issues, and i feel punished for thinking that.
submitted by boombalbi to dating [link] [comments]
when we first met he said he wasn't interested in relationships, and given my mental state of having raging abandonment issues i was okay with that. i also thought i wasn't ready. the problem is, i'd started developing (not that strong, we've known each other less than a month) real feelings for him. he's sweet and good-natured, mature, insightful, fun, and calls me out on my bs even if he can be a bit heavy handed with it. before we decided to call things off he's also said that i had a "good heart", that i was "kind", and that i "deserved the world" even if i was just looking for a fling.
we've also shown to be able to communicate well with each other after a tense situation. we called yesterday and we made each other tense because of my anxiety and self-sabotaging. on his part it was because i'd reminded him of his younger self from when he used to deal with those issues, and on my part because it seemed i affected him too easily and got him ticked when others would just try to reassure me and we'd move on. well we weren't able to bring the vibe back up, and we acknowledged that we just got carried away and that since we haven't been talking for too long we were still feeling each other out and getting to know each other.
after that he left a message about wanting to move on from the tense conversation and tried to liven up the mood by telling me... about this girl he's thinking of pursuing seriously. he says she's sweet, passionate, and attentive and that they talk about a lot of stuff together. they've known each other for a couple of months and they've already met up in real life (we haven't). this just makes me feel so horrible, but i don't want to give up what seems like a very good potential friend just because of my jealousy. i want to be a good friend but this is eating me up. if he also thought i was sweet and if he also liked talking to me, i can't help but think that if only the circumstances were better and if i had more time for him to get to know me he'd like me instead. he already thought i was physically attractive, and we were getting along so well... it hurts.
how do i deal with this without being a crappy friend to him? i've been told by someone in a really stable long term relationship that i shouldn't act like i've lost because nothing has been set in stone yet.
for additional context it seems she likes him as well but they aren't officially together yet. basically i thought i could finally have a friend who truly gets me that i could crush on safely while i worked through my issues, and i feel punished for thinking that.
2024.05.19 01:22 WarNo8854 AHHHH AH BOY COMPLIMENTED ME
Ahhhhhh oh my god oh my god oh my god 🤩🤩🤩 ok so today I was on a bus to get to the city center right? And I was just sitting there minding my own business when all of a sudden this boy, of a similar age (16-18) turns to me and says "you're really cool" and then gets out of the bus
It was soooo awesome to be complimented like that 🥹💕 he was all shy and sincere about it and that just made my heart melt oh my god 🥹🥹🤩 he probably said that because I was wearing a collar and two skirts, regardless of if he knew I was a boy or not that was so kind of him 🥹 The feeling I got after his compliment was incredible, felt like, butterflys in my stomach I'll cherish this moment forever I think I fell in love actually... 😳
submitted by WarNo8854 to feminineboys [link] [comments]
It was soooo awesome to be complimented like that 🥹💕 he was all shy and sincere about it and that just made my heart melt oh my god 🥹🥹🤩 he probably said that because I was wearing a collar and two skirts, regardless of if he knew I was a boy or not that was so kind of him 🥹 The feeling I got after his compliment was incredible, felt like, butterflys in my stomach I'll cherish this moment forever I think I fell in love actually... 😳
2024.05.19 01:21 HolyCityRunner I think I’m losing BP for good. And I’m in agony.
I’ve been quiet for a while because I moved in with BP and we have been working through things for almost two years. I’ve been doing bi-weekly IC, monthly relationship coaching, we did bi weekly couples counseling, and I continued with my psychiatrist. I’ve read multiple books such as “the body keeps the score”, “the state of affairs”, “not just friends”, and “the courage to stay”. I’ve poured effort and energy into the marriage helper (though we aren’t married) program and one other program. I am really trying. I have so many good memories from the past 18 months that completely warm my heart…. And then suddenly a few weeks ago — BP asked me to move out. BP felt the angry thoughts about me they continuously had weren’t healthy and that it wasn’t a good way to live “always feeling triggered by me”. We have had a few bumps in the road: There was some tension after I found solace in a game on my phone for a bit — but BP brought this to my attention in CC and I quickly realized how triggering that might be and did my best to never be on my phone when we were together. BP also had free rein to any of my devices including my phone whenever they wanted. Eventually, BP started to get annoyed anytime I would even look something up - even for work. So that was difficult. But I was trying my best. I kept trying to be better — truly. BP also felt I was “disinterested” in any intimacy , which wasn’t anything BP did wrong but more of a personal self-confidence issue with me after gaining some weight after a recent running injury. So I got a weight loss and wellness coach to help me get back on track.
Anyway, BP made the announcement suddenly in one of our CC meetings. I felt so blindsided. It felt like we were working through this. However, out of respect for BP and their wishes (but against my heart and feelings for BP), I have slowly since moved out to stay with some mutual friends.
It has been AGONY without my BP. Today, BP asked for their house key back and my heart just sank. That kind of sinking feeling when you just take a deep breath and the only thing that comes out are tears because the sadness is boiling over inside. In my heart, I don’t want to give it back. Not because I will do anything nefarious or horrible. But because it feels so final. Please don’t hate on me for this. I would never do anything horrible or vengeful. But I just still feel special having their key on my key ring - like I still have a home with BP.
Last week, I spent multiple days constructing a really heartfelt letter to BP relaying how much I appreciate all the effort BP has put into trying to make this work , the amount of bravery it took to stay and try, and a few of the reasons I am so in love and cherish them. I did my best to pour my heart into it. I read it to them as I came to get a few more boxes of my stuff. It didn’t get much of a reaction - but that’s ok, maybe it needs to marinate for a bit… I also sent it to them so BP could have it to read if they chose to do so. I am trying so hard to be respectful and mature through this because I know it’s my fault this is broken. But I am not well. Not well at all.
I don’t want to whine or make this about myself but I just feel completely soul broken. I know what I did to BP was awful and betraying them destroyed everything they thought they knew. I know this relationship is broken because of my actions. I also realize that it is not up to me whether or not BP takes me back. But I thought we were slowly trucking along. Of course there were small bumps and blips in the road but I felt we were doing well getting through some things and making some (albeit slow) progress.
I love BP so much. I realized how much I took their love, passion, generosity, tenderness, and spirit for granted. I emasculated them and likely destroyed their ego. Maybe I didn’t do enough to help build it back up? I’m not sure. But I definitely had/have every intention of repairing everything in my power. I will do anything to help repair this for us.
I hate myself for it. But I just cannot get through this I cannot leave them. It is killing me. I honestly find myself driving to work and hoping I get side-swiped in a horrible car accident so I don’t have to think about everything I’m losing because of what I did the first two years of our nearly 4 year relationship. I am not the kind to do anything to hurt myself but if something were to happen to me - maybe it would be a little mental and emotional break. It hurts so bad. I know I can’t force BP to love me. But part of me thinks they still care but they are so hurt (traumatized) and haven’t been able to get through the trauma that I have caused. I want to be there to help but I know they don’t want me around. And it kills me.
To add salt to the wounds, I gave up a once-in-lifetime dream job offer to move down here to live with BP and work on “us”. And now the job I took here (which is definitely not dream job status) is falling apart (so-to-speak). I just feel so broken and hopeless and it’s all my fault. It absolutely kills me. I miss every single moment with them. I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on and some sort of hope that maybe my BP just needs a little time and space. I’ve searched and there really isn’t much support for waywards that are in my position. Any support or reassurance is appreciated.
Thanks everyone. 🙏🏼
submitted by HolyCityRunner to SupportforWaywards [link] [comments]
Anyway, BP made the announcement suddenly in one of our CC meetings. I felt so blindsided. It felt like we were working through this. However, out of respect for BP and their wishes (but against my heart and feelings for BP), I have slowly since moved out to stay with some mutual friends.
It has been AGONY without my BP. Today, BP asked for their house key back and my heart just sank. That kind of sinking feeling when you just take a deep breath and the only thing that comes out are tears because the sadness is boiling over inside. In my heart, I don’t want to give it back. Not because I will do anything nefarious or horrible. But because it feels so final. Please don’t hate on me for this. I would never do anything horrible or vengeful. But I just still feel special having their key on my key ring - like I still have a home with BP.
Last week, I spent multiple days constructing a really heartfelt letter to BP relaying how much I appreciate all the effort BP has put into trying to make this work , the amount of bravery it took to stay and try, and a few of the reasons I am so in love and cherish them. I did my best to pour my heart into it. I read it to them as I came to get a few more boxes of my stuff. It didn’t get much of a reaction - but that’s ok, maybe it needs to marinate for a bit… I also sent it to them so BP could have it to read if they chose to do so. I am trying so hard to be respectful and mature through this because I know it’s my fault this is broken. But I am not well. Not well at all.
I don’t want to whine or make this about myself but I just feel completely soul broken. I know what I did to BP was awful and betraying them destroyed everything they thought they knew. I know this relationship is broken because of my actions. I also realize that it is not up to me whether or not BP takes me back. But I thought we were slowly trucking along. Of course there were small bumps and blips in the road but I felt we were doing well getting through some things and making some (albeit slow) progress.
I love BP so much. I realized how much I took their love, passion, generosity, tenderness, and spirit for granted. I emasculated them and likely destroyed their ego. Maybe I didn’t do enough to help build it back up? I’m not sure. But I definitely had/have every intention of repairing everything in my power. I will do anything to help repair this for us.
I hate myself for it. But I just cannot get through this I cannot leave them. It is killing me. I honestly find myself driving to work and hoping I get side-swiped in a horrible car accident so I don’t have to think about everything I’m losing because of what I did the first two years of our nearly 4 year relationship. I am not the kind to do anything to hurt myself but if something were to happen to me - maybe it would be a little mental and emotional break. It hurts so bad. I know I can’t force BP to love me. But part of me thinks they still care but they are so hurt (traumatized) and haven’t been able to get through the trauma that I have caused. I want to be there to help but I know they don’t want me around. And it kills me.
To add salt to the wounds, I gave up a once-in-lifetime dream job offer to move down here to live with BP and work on “us”. And now the job I took here (which is definitely not dream job status) is falling apart (so-to-speak). I just feel so broken and hopeless and it’s all my fault. It absolutely kills me. I miss every single moment with them. I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on and some sort of hope that maybe my BP just needs a little time and space. I’ve searched and there really isn’t much support for waywards that are in my position. Any support or reassurance is appreciated.
Thanks everyone. 🙏🏼
2024.05.19 01:21 theyretheyre My Sex Addict Partner Ruined My Life
I had been with my partner for 8 years. For full transparency, he told me has was a sex addict the day we met. He was in recovery at the time and was (I thought) dedicated. Part of what drew me to him was that he seemed so in touch with his emotions and was working on himself, which I attributed to the SLAA program, and to be honest I didn't ever think we would be anything. Overall I was non-judgmental. I was young and it was a novelty in a way. He was open and honest, talked about his past experiences with swinger couples (that was his thing), but assured me that was all behind him. What he really wanted was a healthy, monogamous relationship. Against all my better judgement, I fell in love. Looking back, he love-bombed me and I fell for it.
Over the last 8 years there have been multiple D-Days. The first was fairly early on in our relationship. He had moved and we were long-distance at the time (long-distance with a sex addict--I mean wow) and he told me he had been having a hard time with his addiction, was using porn compulsively and started a "No Fap" challenge to reset. I thanked him for being transparent with me and did my best to be supportive. Shortly after, I ended up snooping and found out he got a HJ at a massage parlor. He confessed, I was devastated. He was remorseful. Doubled down on his efforts. We carried on.
Years later we were living together and I noticed he was being more hostile towards me. My gut told me something was up. I snooped again and found lewd text exchanges with strangers. He was not in the program at the time. I did a few therapy sessions, he started weekly therapy and started working the program again. We picked up the pieces and carried on.
Cut to a few years later. We're at a rocky period in our relationship. I get a sense that something is up, and find text exchanges revealing that he had made out with someone at a bar. He was trying to pursue her, hoping to meet up again and pick up where they left off. I took screenshots of the interaction and called her, told her everything, and asked if she would be willing to tell me anything else about their interaction. She said that they had just made out but she did find it weird that when he first started texting her it was from a different number. That tipped off alarm bells. I confronted him. He was defensive. We did couples therapy, he started working the program again. I persisted.
Then the most recent D-Day, this past Saturday. I had been complaining about some pelvic pain for a few weeks, had an appointment scheduled with the OB/GYN to try to see what's up. I fell asleep on the couch with him rubbing my stomach. He told me how happy he was and that I was the love of his life. Then shortly after midnight I woke up and he was in a panic. He told me that he had really fucked up and needed to tell me something. Then he confessed that he had met up with a swinger couple from a website and had unprotected sex in the bathroom of the bar with the wife. He feared he had given me an STD and that was the source of my pain. As far as I knew at the time, this was the first time he had actually had intercourse outside of the relationship.
It felt like my world was caving in around me. He just proposed to me TWO WEEKS AGO. With my grandmother's ring. That D-Day was the day we picked up my ring from the jeweler. I was resolved to do things differently this time, and rather than continue to hide the depths of his addiction I told everyone--my friends, my family. I told him to move out. I got an STD panel. More things started to come out--visits to nudist clubs, more sex with swingers, I'm sure a bunch of other things that he didn't want to tell me at the time. I didn't eat for two days. Started smoking again. And yet. Within 72 hours, I was asking him to come back and trying to "set boundaries", imagining that maybe this was the real wake up call we both needed to fix this for real. He was my best friend. I thought he was the love of my life. We'd been virtually inseparable for the last 8 years. And I mean we just got engaged. In my head I wanted to leave, but in my heart I still, somehow, wasn't ready to let go.
Until yesterday, when my real wake up call came. I was out with my mother and her best friend. They were both aware that I was flirting with reconciliation and were very appropriately concerned. That all changed when my mother told me something that rocked me to my core. Apparently a few months ago she was alone with him in my apartment and he started rubbing himself through his pants in front of her. He said "I can't believe I'm doing this in front of you", and asked her if she wanted to touch it. She was in shock and obviously said no. She said he then put her hand on his penis and she immediately left the apartment. When I asked why she didn't tell me immediately, she said she was too afraid to tell me because she thought I would run toward him and away from her. She was afraid she would lose me and our relationship. I forgive her. But I will never, ever forgive him. I immediately called him and told him it was over, that he needs so so much help and I will no longer be there for him.
I know it sounds crazy given that I knew he was a sex addict from the start, but I didn't know that it would lead to this. I didn't realize the way it would escalate, and that he would eventually sexually assault my mother. It's sick, truly. Obviously I'm not in a great headspace right now and I know I will have to do a ton of therapy to process the trauma of all of this. But ultimately I am grateful. Grateful that this happened before I was married or had a child with this man--who knows what he is truly capable of?
I'm sharing all this in case there is someone else like me out there looking for the courage to leave their sex addict spouse. Please, please don't let it get to this. I would have never imagined that he was capable of this. The addiction WILL continue to escalate. YOUR LIFE and YOUR FAMILY'S LIVES are at stake. If I could go back in time eight years and undo it all I would. No amount of "love" is worth this.
TL;DR--My former fiance's sex addiction escalated to the point that he sexually assaulted my mother.
submitted by theyretheyre to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]
Over the last 8 years there have been multiple D-Days. The first was fairly early on in our relationship. He had moved and we were long-distance at the time (long-distance with a sex addict--I mean wow) and he told me he had been having a hard time with his addiction, was using porn compulsively and started a "No Fap" challenge to reset. I thanked him for being transparent with me and did my best to be supportive. Shortly after, I ended up snooping and found out he got a HJ at a massage parlor. He confessed, I was devastated. He was remorseful. Doubled down on his efforts. We carried on.
Years later we were living together and I noticed he was being more hostile towards me. My gut told me something was up. I snooped again and found lewd text exchanges with strangers. He was not in the program at the time. I did a few therapy sessions, he started weekly therapy and started working the program again. We picked up the pieces and carried on.
Cut to a few years later. We're at a rocky period in our relationship. I get a sense that something is up, and find text exchanges revealing that he had made out with someone at a bar. He was trying to pursue her, hoping to meet up again and pick up where they left off. I took screenshots of the interaction and called her, told her everything, and asked if she would be willing to tell me anything else about their interaction. She said that they had just made out but she did find it weird that when he first started texting her it was from a different number. That tipped off alarm bells. I confronted him. He was defensive. We did couples therapy, he started working the program again. I persisted.
Then the most recent D-Day, this past Saturday. I had been complaining about some pelvic pain for a few weeks, had an appointment scheduled with the OB/GYN to try to see what's up. I fell asleep on the couch with him rubbing my stomach. He told me how happy he was and that I was the love of his life. Then shortly after midnight I woke up and he was in a panic. He told me that he had really fucked up and needed to tell me something. Then he confessed that he had met up with a swinger couple from a website and had unprotected sex in the bathroom of the bar with the wife. He feared he had given me an STD and that was the source of my pain. As far as I knew at the time, this was the first time he had actually had intercourse outside of the relationship.
It felt like my world was caving in around me. He just proposed to me TWO WEEKS AGO. With my grandmother's ring. That D-Day was the day we picked up my ring from the jeweler. I was resolved to do things differently this time, and rather than continue to hide the depths of his addiction I told everyone--my friends, my family. I told him to move out. I got an STD panel. More things started to come out--visits to nudist clubs, more sex with swingers, I'm sure a bunch of other things that he didn't want to tell me at the time. I didn't eat for two days. Started smoking again. And yet. Within 72 hours, I was asking him to come back and trying to "set boundaries", imagining that maybe this was the real wake up call we both needed to fix this for real. He was my best friend. I thought he was the love of my life. We'd been virtually inseparable for the last 8 years. And I mean we just got engaged. In my head I wanted to leave, but in my heart I still, somehow, wasn't ready to let go.
Until yesterday, when my real wake up call came. I was out with my mother and her best friend. They were both aware that I was flirting with reconciliation and were very appropriately concerned. That all changed when my mother told me something that rocked me to my core. Apparently a few months ago she was alone with him in my apartment and he started rubbing himself through his pants in front of her. He said "I can't believe I'm doing this in front of you", and asked her if she wanted to touch it. She was in shock and obviously said no. She said he then put her hand on his penis and she immediately left the apartment. When I asked why she didn't tell me immediately, she said she was too afraid to tell me because she thought I would run toward him and away from her. She was afraid she would lose me and our relationship. I forgive her. But I will never, ever forgive him. I immediately called him and told him it was over, that he needs so so much help and I will no longer be there for him.
I know it sounds crazy given that I knew he was a sex addict from the start, but I didn't know that it would lead to this. I didn't realize the way it would escalate, and that he would eventually sexually assault my mother. It's sick, truly. Obviously I'm not in a great headspace right now and I know I will have to do a ton of therapy to process the trauma of all of this. But ultimately I am grateful. Grateful that this happened before I was married or had a child with this man--who knows what he is truly capable of?
I'm sharing all this in case there is someone else like me out there looking for the courage to leave their sex addict spouse. Please, please don't let it get to this. I would have never imagined that he was capable of this. The addiction WILL continue to escalate. YOUR LIFE and YOUR FAMILY'S LIVES are at stake. If I could go back in time eight years and undo it all I would. No amount of "love" is worth this.
TL;DR--My former fiance's sex addiction escalated to the point that he sexually assaulted my mother.