Pilocarpine rate on heart

Ministers apologise and return £7,000 in benefits to woman, 93, with dementia
Government ministers have formally apologised and repaid £7,000 to a 93-year-old woman whom they held responsible for running up benefits overpayment debts even though they were told she had dementia and was unable to manage her affairs.
The case, which the minister for disability, Mims Davies, admitted was “disturbing”, was brought to light by the Guardian as part of its investigation into carer's allowance overpayments.
The agreement to write off the debt of the 93-year-old, whom the Guardian has chosen not to name, comes as ministers have promised to try new ways of sharing information with carers to try to prevent them building up months and years of overpayments.
Read the full article on theguardian.com
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DWP confirmed that it is developing an ‘enhanced notification strategy’ to alert carer’s allowance claimants to possible overpayments
Notifications designed to encourage claimants to report changes in income and so reduce the risk of being overpaid.
As part of its policy paper, Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further, that was published earlier this week, the Department says (at paragraph 78) -

'In carer’s allowance we are progressing an enhanced notification strategy as part of our existing commitment to improve customer engagement, building on our existing communications with customers. As part of this notification strategy we are considering all forms of targeted contact to find the most effective and efficient solution, such as exploring the use of targeted text messages or emails to alert claimants and encourage them to contact the Department when the DWP is made aware of a potential overpayment.'

The Department added -

'The new strategy will help claimants understand when they may have received an earnings-related overpayment or are at risk of doing so, and will encourage claimants to contact the DWP to meet their obligation to inform the Department of changes in their income and other relevant circumstances. This will reduce the risk of those customers being overpaid.'

Note: having expressed concern that the DWP had 'done nothing' to stop carers building up huge overpayments of benefit despite knowing what people are earning, Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms called on the National Audit Office to investigate problems with the carer's allowance system and, in particular, its failure to prevent or rectify overpayments.
Stephen Timms has also written to Secretary for State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride highlighting concerns about the DWP's lack of progress with overpayments since the previous committee's report in 2019. Mr Timms' letter repeats the committee's recommendation that the DWP increase the rate of carer's allowance and goes on to call for the DWP to review both the amount and the cliff-edge nature of the earnings limit and for the removal of the 21-hour study rule.
For more information, see Policy paper: Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further from gov.uk
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Carers UK has welcomed the DWP's plans, noting this is the 'minimum' they've been calling for to tackle carers' overpayments. However, Director of Policy and Public Affairs Emily Holzhausen also highlights that implementing the strategy is 'urgent', asks that the whole issue be moved out of being branded benefits fraud, and that carer's allowance be reviewed as it should be 'modernised to reflect the realities of caring'.
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DWP-commissioned research highlights how the carer’s allowance earnings threshold influences decisions about how many hours carers work
Report also makes clear that the Department was made aware three years ago that there was room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving its communications.
The research, Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance, explores how and why people claim carer's allowance; their caring roles; experiences of combining paid work and care; and how well claimants understand the rules associated with the benefit. While carried out in 2020/2021, the research has been published today against a backdrop of calls for the wholescale reform of carer's allowance as a result of evidence that claimants who have earned above the carer's allowance earnings limit have been left with large overpayments and, in some cases, prosecuted for fraud.
While the research found that many claimants in employment felt there was a practical limit to the hours they could work, with many saying it was only feasible to be working part-time due to their caring responsibilities, it also found that -

• the earnings threshold appeared to influence decisions about how many hours some people worked. Even though claimants often denied that the threshold influenced their choices, they acknowledged being mindful to stay below the threshold. One claimant felt he had to refuse shifts at work that would take him over the threshold;
• in another example, the earnings limit led a claimant to reduce her hours as her wages increased, and eventually she was working so few hours that her employer felt it was not worth employing her due to her limited availability; and
• some claimants in paid work felt they might work more hours if not for the earnings threshold, and even suggested tapering the carer’s allowance earnings rule to encourage claimants to work more.

Published on the same day that the Work and Pensions Select Committee said that there has been insufficient progress in addressing the problems with carer's allowance that it highlighted five years ago, the research makes clear that the Department has been aware of the issues for some time. For example, it highlights confusion relating to the complexity of the earnings calculation, including how deductions such as childcare expenses and pension contributions are taken account of, and whether wages can be averaged if you earn more in a particular week.
In addition, with the Chair of the Select Committee Stephen Timms having said recently that the DWP has done nothing to stop carers building up huge overpayments despite knowing what people are earning, and the Committee having called on the National Audit Office to investigate the problems with the system, the research found that -

• poor communication on the part of the DWP meant that not all of those that had been overpaid benefit were clear on the reason for the overpayment;
• some said that while they were initially notified or questioned about an overpayment there was then no follow-up from the Department; and
• when the overpayment was initially raised, several claimants felt that they were spoken to or treated by DWP as though they had intentionally committed fraud when the overpayment had been a misunderstanding.

As a result, the research says -

'... there is room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving communications around eligibility criteria. Since claimants did not engage with the detail of their benefit regularly, possibly only considering it once a year when they received their annual letter, more frequent communications may improve clarity of knowledge around carer’s allowance.'

Other key findings include that -

• most claimants cared for close relatives, with two in five caring for a child (39 per cent), a quarter caring for a spouse or partner (25 per cent), and one in five (22 per cent) caring for a parent;
• caring was a long-term and high-intensity commitment, with half of claimants (52 per cent) spending 65 or more hours caring per week and more than half (54 per cent) caring for between 5 and 20 years;
• only 16 per cent of carer's allowance claimants were currently in paid work, tending to work part- time in lower paid jobs that they were able to fit around their caring responsibilities, with most (81 per cent) working 20 hours or less a week;
• of those not currently in paid work, seven in ten (69 per cent) said this was due to their responsibilities as a carer, with other barriers including a lack of flexible working options, claimants’ own health and confidence issues; and
• there was a lag between starting caring and claiming carer's allowance, with seven in ten claimants (70 per cent) caring for 5+ years, but only 3 in 10 (34 per cent) having claimed carer's allowance for that length of time.

For more information, see Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance from gov.uk
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Almost 135,000 people currently have an outstanding carer's allowance debt, with more than £250 million owed in total, according to figures supplied by DWP Minister Paul Maynard
DWP Minister also confirms that women represent 68 per cent of those with an outstanding debt.
Responding to a written question in Parliament from Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms, Mr Maynard said -

'As of 14 May 2024, the volume of people who have an outstanding carers allowance debt is 134,800 with a total value of £251 million. This figure represents the total stock and as such the total monetary amount may have been accrued over multiple years. Those who have an outstanding carers allowance debt may no longer be in receipt of the benefit.'

Mr Maynard added that -

'Women make up the majority of carer’s allowance claims, and this is reflected in the proportion of those with an outstanding carer’s allowance debt. As of 14 May 2024, there were 42,800 (32 per cent) males, 91,900 (68 per cent) females and 100 (less than 1 per cent) not identified, with an outstanding carer's allowance debt.'

The Minister also confirmed that, as of November 2023, there were more than 991,000 people in receipt of carer's allowance, consisting of around 271,000 (27 per cent) males and 720,000 (73 per cent) females.
Mr Maynard's written answer is available from parliament.uk
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Total value of benefit overpayments in 2023/2024 increased to almost £10 billion, representing 3.7 per cent of benefit expenditure for the year
New DWP figures also show that official error underpayments remained at around £1 billion, and that people could have claimed more than £3 billion more 'if they had provided accurate information about their circumstances'.
In Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates, the DWP calculates how much money it overpaid or underpaid as a percentage of total benefit expenditure for the year (£266.2bn) - for benefits including universal credit, housing benefit, personal independence payment, employment and support allowance and pension credit - and how many claims were paid an incorrect amount.
Note: the statistics no longer include estimates of claimant error underpayments as these are now published separately, as confirmed in recent DWP guidance.
In relation to incorrect payment rates across all benefits for the financial year ending (FYE) 2024, the figures show that the total rate of benefit expenditure overpaid was 3.7 per cent (£9.7bn), compared with 3.6 per cent (£8.3bn) in 2022/2023. In addition, the total rate of benefit expenditure underpaid was 0.4 per cent (£1.1bn), compared with 0.5 per cent (£1.2bn) in FYE 2023.
Looking in more detail at the figures for individual benefits, the statistics include data showing that -

• for universal credit, expenditure increased to £51.9bn in 2024 with an overpayment rate of 12.4 per cent (£6.5bn) and underpayment rate of 0.3 per cent (£180m), compared to expenditure of £43.4 bn, overpayments at 12.7 per cent (£5.5bn) and underpayments at 0.6 per cent (£240m) in FYE 2023;
• for personal independence payment (PIP), the overpayment rate was at the lowest recorded level of 0.4 per cent (£90m), compared with 1.1 per cent (£200m) in FYE 2023. However, the underpayment rate went up to 0.4 per cent (£80m), from 0.3 per cent (£60m) the previous year;
• for pension credit, the overpayment rate was 9.7 per cent (£520m) in FYE 2024, compared with 6.8 per cent (£330m) in the previous year, with underpayments remaining unchanged at 0.3 per cent (£50m) for both years; and
• for housing benefit, almost £1bn (£980m) was overpaid in FYE 2024 (6.3 per cent of expenditure), compared with £860m (5.7 per cent) in 2023. Underpayments remained stable at 0.4 per cent of spending (£50m in FYE 2024 and £60m in FYE 2023).

In addition to the fraud and error statistics, the DWP has also issued Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: Financial Year Ending (FYE) 2024, in line with its decision to remove claimant underpayments from its main fraud and error estimates. The new statistics set out the percentage of benefit expenditure that could have been paid to people with unfulfilled eligibility 'if they had provided the correct information', and show key findings that include -

• the unfulfilled eligibility rate for 2024 is 1.2 per cent of expenditure (£3.1bn), compared with 1.0 per cent (£2.3bn) in the previous year; and
• universal credit, PIP and disability living allowance (DLA) account for around three-quarters of the total value of unfulfilled eligibility (at £730m, £870m and £750m respectively in FYE 2024).

The DWP highlighted that -

'PIP has the second highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [4 per cent] of all benefits and fairly high expenditure [£21.6bn], so due to this combination, PIP accounts for around one-quarter of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. DLA has the highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [11.1 per cent] but relatively low expenditure [£6.8m], so even though its rate is higher than PIP, it accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. Universal credit has a lower unfulfilled eligibility rate than DLA and PIP [1.4 per cent] but its high expenditure means that it also accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024.'

For more information, see Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates and Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates from gov.uk
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Work and Pensions Secretary Mel Stride has set out the DWP's plans to scale up its 'fight against fraudsters'
New measures include using machine learning to detect and prevent fraudulent claims, as well as introducing a new Bill to enable benefit fraud to be treated like tax fraud.
Issuing a written statement in the House of Commons on 13th May, Mr Stride said -

'In the continued fight against fraud, today the Government will publish a new paper setting out the progress we have made in tackling fraud and error in the welfare system - Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further. The paper sets out the progress we have made in delivering the commitments in the Government's 2022 command paper Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System and it demonstrates where we are going further to protect taxpayers’ money from fraudsters.'

Highlighting that the Data Protection and Digital Information Bill, currently before Parliament, will enable the Department to work with third parties such as banks to identify claims that signal potential fraud and error, Mr Stride says that the new measures being introduced include -

• bringing forward a new Fraud Bill in the next parliament to treat benefit fraud like tax fraud, by providing for the ability to make arrests and conduct searches and seizures by warrant;
• exploring a new civil penalty to punish fraudsters, potentially broadening the scope of cases that can receive a penalty when the courts are not prosecuting, and increasing the value of the civil penalty;
• tripling the size of the Targeted Case Review programme to reach almost 6,000 staff with the aim of saving £6.6 billion by 2027/2028; and
• making changes to universal credit including new partly automated checks on self-employed income, new online prompts for claimants to re-declare their circumstances (such as if they have moved in with a partner), and increasing checks on capital when people claim the benefit to ensure they are eligible.

Note: the Department confirms that final decisions on accepting or stopping a claim will, however, continue to be made by a member of DWP staff.
For more information, see DWP updates Fraud Plan from gov.uk
In response to the above article the Disability News Service reported that the government's fraud policy paper ignores coroner’s concerns over review of disabled woman’s universal credit claim. Read the DNS article on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Less than half of legacy benefit claimants who were sent a migration notice between July 2022 and March 2024 have made a claim for universal credit, according to new figures from the DWP
However, new DWP statistics also show that 60 per cent of households that claimed universal credit have been awarded transitional protection.
In Completing the move to Universal Credit: statistics related to the move of households claiming Tax Credits and DWP benefits to Universal Credit: data to end of March 2024, the DWP sets out figures for the period since July 2022, noting that -

'In the period covered by this bulletin, the vast majority of migration notices have been sent to tax credit households whose likelihood of claiming universal credit and receiving transitional protection may be different from DWP legacy benefit claimants, the majority of whom had not yet been sent a migration notice in the period covered in this bulletin.'

The statistics include that -

• a total of 824,050 individuals (in 540,070 households) were sent migration notices up to March 2024 - up by around 300,000 and 200,000 respectively compared to the totals for December 2023;
• a total of 400,940 individuals (49 per cent of those sent migration notices), living in 275,980 households, have made a claim for universal credit;
• of households that have claimed universal credit, 166,860 (60 per cent) have been awarded transitional protection;
• a total of 238,990 individuals who were sent migration notices are still going through the managed migration process; and
• a total of 184,120 individuals who were sent migration notices have had their legacy benefit claims closed.

Move to Universal Credit statistics, July 2022 to March 2024 is available from gov.uk
Note: the DWP has also published Universal Credit statistics, 29 April 2013 to 11 April 2024­ which show that there were 6.7 million people on universal credit in April 2024 (300,000 more than the 6.4 million in January 2024) and that half of households on universal credit that received a payment in February 2024 included children.
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Department for Communities also confirms that claimants in receipt of other legacy benefits will be issued with migration notices 'in the coming months'
The Department for Communities (DfC) has confirmed that the 'Move to UC' rollout in Northern Ireland has expanded this week to include people receiving tax credits along with housing benefit.
Announcing the expansion of the process, Deputy Secretary of Work and Health at the DfC Paddy Rooney said -

'We continue to take a measured and carefully managed approach to migrating legacy benefit recipients to universal credit. We have already successfully completed issuing migration notices to tax credit only recipients and we will continue to take every step possible to ensure that everyone receives the help and support they need during this next phase of Move to UC.'

The Department also confirmed that once it has issued migration notices to all those receiving tax credits with housing benefit, the following groups will be contacted in this order -

• people claiming income support;
• people claiming housing benefit only, and those claiming child tax credit with income-related employment and support allowance (ESA); and
• people claiming income-based jobseeker's allowance.

In relation to the bringing forward of managed migration for ESA and ESA/housing benefit claimants in Great Britain, announced by the Prime Minister on 19 April 2024, the DfC says that it is working to assess the impact of this on the region. It also confirms that it will align with the DWP's aim to complete the migration of legacy benefit claimants to universal credit by March 2025.
For more information, see Tax credit with housing benefit recipients next to 'Move to UC' and Rollout of Universal Credit for Tax Credit and Legacy Benefit customers - screening from ni.gov.uk
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57,000 adverse universal credit sanction decisions were made in January 2024, according to new DWP statistics
DWP statistics also highlight that around 95 per cent of decisions are as a result of failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview.
In Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024, the DWP reports on both the rate and duration of sanctions for universal credit claimants who are in conditionality regimes where they be applied.
Key findings include that -

• in February 2024, 30.1 per cent of claimants were in conditionality regimes that were subject to sanctions and, of these, 6.52 per cent were sanctioned - down 0.64 percentage points from the previous quarter;
• over the last year, 94.9 per cent of adverse sanction decisions were for failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview; and
• in February 2024, there were 20,000 completed sanctions in the 4 weeks to 13 weeks sanction duration band, 4,800 in the over 13 weeks to 26 weeks duration band, and 4,000 of over 26 weeks duration.

In addition, while the total number of claimants in conditionality regimes where sanctions can be applied has remained largely stable since May 2022 (currently at 1.95 million), the total number of adverse sanction decisions stood at 57,000 in January 2024, the highest since March 2022.
The DWP notes that -

'Comparisons with universal credit prior to February 2024 ... should not be made. This is because the data sources, methodology and rules of the benefits differ from those used for universal credit currently.'

However, it adds that, following the reinstated duration measures and rate methodology improvements, the data is now determined stable and fit for purpose and, as of May 2024, it is published under the 'Official Statistics' label as opposed to 'in development'.
For more information, see Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024 from gov.uk
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DWP has admitted missing multiple opportunities to record the 'vulnerability' of a disabled woman whose death was later linked by a coroner to failings at the heart of its UC system
The Disability News Service reported on the case of Nazerine (known as Naz) Anderson, from Melton Mowbray, who died of an overdose in June last year, after receiving a UC review notice.
According to a prevention of future deaths (PFD) report sent to the department by coroner Fiona Butler, the DWP missed six opportunities to record Anderson’s “vulnerability” on its IT system while it was reviewing her universal credit claim, and had failed to act on the mental distress she showed in phone calls about her claim. It also repeatedly failed to act on requests to direct its telephone calls and letters to her daughter.
The DWP admits multiple universal credit failures before disabled woman’s death article is available on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Number of emergency food parcels distributed across the UK by the Trussell Trust has increased by 90 per cent over the past five years
Food charity reports that it distributed more than three million parcels last year, with more than a million of them going to children.
In Emergency food parcel distribution in the UK: April 2023 - March 2024, the Trust says that it distributed 3,121,404 food parcels, the most parcels that it has ever distributed in a financial year, representing a four per cent increase on last year's record-breaking numbers for 2022/2023 and a 94 per cent increase since 2018/2019.
The charity also highlights that the number of parcels provided to children has continued to rise, exceeding 1.1 million in 2023/2024, and that food bank support is provided disproportionately to children, compared to the proportion of children in the UK population. In addition, it notes that pension age households are increasingly likely to need to use a food bank, with food bank support for these households having more than quadrupled between 2018/2019 and 2023/2024 (an increase of 345 per cent), compared to an 81 per cent rise amongst households without someone of pension age.
Also sharing statistics on the reason for referral for an emergency food parcel - which include health, benefit issues, work hour changes, insecure housing, changes in personal circumstances, immigration status and domestic abuse, as well as income and debt levels - the Trussell Trust says -

'Across all households the most common reason for referral was due to issues with income and debt levels. The vital role of the social security system in driving these trends is clear from the fact that the majority (78 per cent) of people referred to food banks were reported to solely have income from the social security system, with a further 8 per cent having earned income as well as income from social security.'

Trussell Trust Chief Executive Emma Revie said -

'It’s 2024 and we’re facing historically high levels of food bank need. As a society, we cannot allow this to continue. We must not let food banks become the new norm ... A supportive social security system is the bedrock on which we end hunger for good. Building on this, we need much more effective employment and financial support for parents, carers and disabled people, and action to ensure everyone can have the security we all need to access opportunities and have hope for the future, through more secure and flexible jobs and investment in social housing. Food banks are not the answer. They will be there to support people as long as they are needed, but our political leaders must take bold action to build a future where everyone has enough money to afford the life’s essentials. The time to act is now.'

For more information, see End of Year Stats from trusselltrust.org
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Employment Minister Jo Churchill has provided a House of Lords Select Committee with an undertaking that the administrative earnings threshold (AET) in universal credit will not be increased again without a 'sound evidence base'
However, Minister's evidence to Lords Committee fails to address its dissatisfaction with DWP's explanation for not publishing robust evidence to support previous increases in the threshold.
Further to the Lords Secondary Legislation Scrutiny Committee's report on new regulations that implemented a further increase in the AET from 13 May 2024 - that criticised the ‘inexplicable’ lack of data evaluating previous increases in the threshold in September 2022 and January 2023 - the Committee held a one-off evidence session yesterday to question the Minister and DWP officials.
Introducing the session, Committee Chair Lord Hunt acknowledged that the DWP had agreed to share its informal findings supporting its AET policy. However Lord Hunt added that -

'... similar, no doubt to the material that the Social Security Advisory Committee saw but correctly declined, if information is not available to the House and the public, then we feel unable to consider it either.'

The Committee then questioned the Minister about the Department's failure to publish evidence providing an assessment of the impact of increasing the AET either before or after implementing the change.
In response, Ms Churchill highlighted that the Department did publish a randomised controlled trial evaluation in 2018 providing the highest level of evidence on the impacts of increased in-work conditionality that Ministers have had sight of. When challenged that this evidence is somewhat outdated and 'a bit threadbare' - as it has been relied on for three increases in the AET - Ms Churchill indicated that Ministers also had early sight of unpublished research (a Regression Discontinuity Design (RDD) study) that compares the experiences of claimants who are just below and just above the AET.
When pressed on the expected publication dates for this and further evidence, Mr Churchill said -

'I have asked for [the RDD study] to be available as soon as it can be, and the date I was given was spring 2024 ... I would like it out the door as soon as possible, so you have more data ... RDD is the next piece, the next building block and then, the longitudinal study will come through in 2025.'

Concluding the session with a final question, Lord Hunt, speaking on behalf of the whole Committee, said -

'... we're looking for an undertaking from you, not to further expand the cohort until the Department can publish robust evidence of its effects. Are you able to give us that undertaking?

Ms Churchill responded -

'So are you alluding to us holding 15 hours or with this latest laying at 18? Because I could certainly say to you, I think with all confidence that at 18, we want to understand the iterations and make sure that we've got a sound evidence base from there.'

NB - the increase in the AET in January 2023 was based, for individuals, on the equivalent of them working 15 hours per week at the National Living Wage, and this week's increase to the equivalent of them working 18 hours per week.
Despite welcoming the Minister's reply, Lord Hunt went on to say -

'... we accept your undertaking, except we are still as dissatisfied as we were because you haven't provided, in the view of the Committee, sufficient explanation yet. We are awaiting this robust evidence, which I think that we now expect in June 2024.'

The evidence session Regulations to increase the Administrative Earnings Threshold (Legislative scrutiny) is available from parliament.tv
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Work and Pensions Select Committee has called on the government to bring forward proposals to compensate women born in the 1950s who suffered as a result of the DWP's communication failures when their pension age was increased, and asks that it does so in the current parliamentary session
Committee chair highlights lengthy delay and urgency for affected women and calls on government to act on Parliamentary Ombudsman recommendations before summer recess.
Writing to Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride, Committee Chair Stephen Timms requests government support for 'urgent action' following the Parliamentary Ombudsman's final report in March 2024 which recommended a remedy based on level 4 of its severity of injustice scale, putting awards at between £1,000 and £2,950.
Mr Timms says that the Committee does not seek to question the Ombudsman's proposal for compensation at level 4, but instead has focused on what a remedy may look like -

'The evidence we received indicated support for a rules-based system. This would be a system where payments would be adjusted within a range (based on the PHSO’s severity of injustice scale) to reflect the extent of change in the individual’s State Pension age and the notice of the change which the individual received. This would mean that the less notice you had of the change and the bigger the change in your SPA, the higher the payment you would receive. While not perfect, the advantages of such a system are that it would be: quick to administer; applying known data to a formula to determine the amount due; and relatively inexpensive (compared to a more bespoke system).'

The Committee's recommendation also includes some flexibility for individuals to make the case for further compensation in the event that they have experienced direct financial loss, for example where a woman whose divorce settlement was less than it would have been because it was based on the expectation that she would receive her state pension at 60.
Mr Timms also asks the government to consider -

'... the need for urgent action, given that the Ombudsman started to look at this issue in 2018 and that every 13 minutes a woman born in the 1950s dies ... Implementing a remedy will need parliamentary time, financial resources, and the data and technical systems only available to your department. It cannot happen without government support. We would ask you to bring forward proposals for a remedy by the summer recess.'

Mr Timms' letter to the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions is available from parliament.uk
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I (lvl 66) joined a rando (lvl 70) for a bug mission and we didn't get anyone join us for the whole mission. With the broken spawn rate for less than 4 players, it was bug breach after bug breach and map which spawns bile spewers. My god. Just when we take out one train of those acid-spitters, another one pops up.
We lost a couple of lives on landing and then a couple of more on taking out a stalker nest. Things calmed down a bit. We did a couple of big holes no problem.
Then all hell broke loose. Bug breach after bug breach. We lost a good amount of lives try to do the main objectives. No matter which way we try to run, there comes a patrol of bile spewers. Thankfully, we only got a few bile titans and chargers.
Finally after completing the main objectives we had 4 lives left and we had to make it all the way across the map to extraction, which was an infested area.
After killing a few more trains of bile spewers, we made it to extraction.The moment we reached the area, it was bug breach after bug breach. Thank sweet Jesus that we had the 500kg bombs for free because, boy, did they come in handy.
We tried to call extraction a few times but we could never get close enough without another train on bile spewers coming up on us. We both were low on ammo and supplies. We had gotten separated amd i was waiting for us to get near each other to call down supplies. That was my mistake.
Good news, we didn't have to call extraction because the timer reached zero and the pelican was on it's way. Bad news, we had no supplies. We managed to survive for minute but then the other player dies and it was just me.
No grenades, no grenade pistol ammo, one stim left and down to my last ice for the sickle on a heat planet. Thankfully, I still had my guard dog rover.
I tried to round uo as much bugs as possible and lead them away from the extraction pad. I ran in a circle and managed to hide for 10 seconds. I continued running in a circle , taking out a few bugs in my way, my ice halfway heated up.
With 20 seconds left, I started to run towards the extraction pad, with my rover and I taking out the bugs in our way, my ice almost heated up. I reached the pad when a charger, bile spewer and a brood commander crawled up onto the pad with 10 seconds left.
My heart was pounding but just then the pelican which was landing took out the brood commander and the charger. But I was in front of the pelican and I had to make my way around to the back, through the bile spewer.
I was hoping to get hit by something for me to execute my plan. Thankfully I did and I immediately stimmed myself and jumped through the bile spewer acid and in to the pelican.
I wasn't on mike or both of us would have heard the other screaming! He did scream in the text chat to let me know though.
Till today, I've never been the only one to extract and I've only seen clips of that online. Never thought I'd be able to do it.
I had to wait for a couple of minutes for my heartbeat to come back to normal.
God, I love this game!
Sorry for the wall of text and if you've made it this far, thank you.
Keep spreading Democracy, helldivers!

When I first developed POTS six years ago they came with massive waves of adrenaline constantly. It was so miserable. Most of us here probably know what that feels like.
I’ve been on beta blockers for years and after developing major breathing issues and weakness in respiraotry muscles after using Fludrocortisone for a bit. I believe it to be some major potassium issue but since beta blockers can block potassium transport I decided to quit them recently and try potassium supplemts again.
To my surprise , I have had exactly zero adrenaline rushes after stopping the beta blockers . At all. It’s almost like i Cant produce any. Heart rate is still consistently high but I just don’t feel that anxiousness and panic that used to come with it.
Epinephrine / adrenaline is also important for cellular potassium transport. I’m starting to wonder if my epinephrine levels have become completey exhausted and it’s contributing to my issues.
Has anyone heard of this happening in pots?

Sharing my birth story because if I can do it, anyone can do it!
I should start by saying that I have extreme medical/ health anxiety and even just going for a regular appointment at my doctor’s office causes me distress.
I had a great pregnancy with almost no symptoms and felt so fortunate that it was generally easy for me until 40 weeks came and went with no sign of labour or my baby.
My hospital starts induction at 41+3, but my 41+3 was extremely busy for labour & delivery so I got bumped to 41+4. At 41+4, I was 1.5cm dilated and had my first dose of cervidil inserted, I was hopeful it would send me into labour but no luck, I had minor cramps though. At 41+5 I was 2cm dilated and got my second dose of cervidil and again had minor cramps. At 41+6 I had my third dose of cervidil and started having more substantial contractions overnight, and in the morning of 42w I had what I would consider severe cramps / contractions every 6ish minutes that lasted about 1 minute.
At 10:30am on 42w, I went back to the hospital to continue with my induction (I was really hoping that my cervix would be favorable for pitocin.) When I arrived at the hospital I was hooked up for NST monitoring, about 20 minutes into the test, I have a contraction and immediately several doctors and nurses rushed into the room, I didn’t realize what was happening but the babies heart rate dipped to the 60’s and they were preparing me for an emergency c-section. The babies heart rate did come back up so my doctor gave me a few minutes to decide whether I wanted a c-section but they recommended it because my baby may not have been able to tolerate additional contractions.
I went for a c-section right away, I managed to stay pretty calm (impressive for me because I’m the type of person who panics even having my blood pressure taken!) The procedure lasted maybe 40 minutes and my baby was out within 10 minutes! Seeing him for the first time was worth every scary thought I had. The worst part was actually the epidural, the freezing didn’t hurt but I did feel 4-5 pinches when the epidural was administered. I hated the epidural feeling of being numb but still aware of your body so I think I would have hated it for a long labour (which I was anticipating if I needed pitocin.)
Looking back, a c-section was less scary than the unknowns of labour and I’m happy with my outcome!
I’m happy to answer any questions about my 4 day induction or c-section!

I'm just going to vomit all of my thoughts from this past week onto this thread. If this makes zero sense, I'm sorry. Also, this is long. I don't blame you if you don't read it. It's not like I deserve the time of day.
I just can't wait for the school year to be over. I don't dislike school, just everyone in it. Actually, I don't dislike them, i envy them. Thats a better word. I envy them because they dont have to be me. I dont have it hard or anything. Not to them. I try to be nice, i want to be nice. but it feels like my peers don't. they just have a good time using me as a punching bag. at least starting this Friday I'll have a solid 2 months of being able to work on impressing them before I come back. this year and last, I've been a court jester. this next year is my last year at this school before high school. I want to have a good last year. but i would also like to be more social, and that's hard enough.
I honestly don't understand how I've even got this many friends. I don't understand what they gain from being friends with me. If they don't enjoy being friends with me, they'd just tell me, right? I don't think I do them any favors being around them. but i feel annoying around anyone else. I do feel like the worst of my peers. they do all act and look better than me. and I'm not even me during school. I'd be quite the downer if I was. I try to be happy, but it feels forced. being social feels forced and stressful. if I don't know the person, I can legitimately not talk to them. not unless they're a teacher, or they talk to me first. but even if they do, I probably will only talk the bare minimum. I feel uncomfortable just being around anyone in general. I think I feel uncomfortable because I'm lowering other's perspective of them by being near them. Like a dump yard next to a mansion.
It doesn't help that I look roughly 3 years older than I actually am. I've had people tell me I look 16 before. That doesn't look good being surrounded by 12–14-year-olds. I remember specifically last year I was leaving the locker room, and someone said to me "You look like everything bad was made into one person." That stuck with me. Maybe I shouldn't have taken it to heart. But how can I not? Maybe I should focus more on what I think and less what others think. But I just can't do that. Even right now, I'm going to work on myself so that I fit in more. So that other people are nicer to me. I wish I wasn't fat. I really do. I work on it. I try and remember that if I don't need it to live, I shouldn't eat it. But I've gotten so used to eating when I was bored. When I was sad. As a reward. I would go to the fridge. I would get a haircut, but if it's bad, it's only going to provoke more. I'm getting one as soon as possible once school ends. at least if it's bad, it'll grow back a little by the time school lets back in. Nothing will fit with my face though. It's dumb, fatty, and I think it's one of the worse parts of my body. I've got glasses, though. They help round out my face a bit. I still don't look good, but at least I don't look as bad as I could. I also don't look at good as I could, but that's because I can't keep my mouth shut.
Maybe I should have a doctor sew my mouth shut. Maybe I should put my bed in front of my door so I can't take a break from scrolling to go eat. Managing my calories is hard. It shouldn't be, I'm just stupid. I'm also immature. I swear too much, I have a baby voice, and I always have spit in my mouth. I'm gross. I sweat too much and spit too much. Can I control it? No. but I'm not the victim here. I make everyone else the victim by being there. I'm only there because I'm forced to be there. I'd skip daily if I wasn't. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by going up and talking to them. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by sitting next to them on the bus when its full. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by sharing a class with them. I don't want to be a discomforting person. Maybe isolation would be the best course of action. They'd make a classroom just for me to do online lessons in, alone. Probably an old janitor's closet. But I don't think I would be worth the effort. They'd label me unteachable and let me rot in bed at home.
I don't want to be negative. But I did it to myself, really, why didn't I just choose the good genetics? Why didn't I choose to never hunger? To digest food as fast as I bleed? To not sweat? To mature at the same rate as a normal 13-year-old? To be able to disregard any VERY helpful criticism I get? To smell like a field of roses? To be charming? To be attractive? To be normal?
To be honest, self-care doesn't make much sense to me. I don't deserve care to myself. I am to be treated the same as every other pig in the barn yard. If nobody would see it, what's the point? Genuinely. I need validation from my peers. Not that I've ever gotten it. It's human, right? That doesn't mean I need validation though. I'm lucky, though. They could've kicked my skull in the minute I walked through the door. I wouldn't blame them. Not like I could fight back. I'm about as weak as possible.
And that's what I've always been and will always be. The big, weak, ugly, loser that is to be hated. Because ignoring the abnormal will make them think they deserve to be near the fines. The best. The normal. I pity those that look like me, but not worse than me. Nobody could look worse than me. I don't deserve pity though. I deserve the pain that's come to me. I deserve worse, honestly. I'm lucky.

It sickens me. It gives me this angry as fuck visceral reaction, the sounds just piss me off to an insane degree. It’s not satisfying, it doesn’t “scratch an itch in the brain”, it’s not relaxing, it’s fucking disgusting. It’s one of the most annoying things on earth. It makes me cringe to my core; it’s on the same level as when you randomly remember something immensely stupid you said/did as a kid. Where I literally make a face, or want to scream into a pillow. The tapping, the click-clacks, the finger movements, like you’re a gross little spider crawling across the camera lens. It makes me so uncomfortable my heart rate actually increases.
If it helps you sleep at night, cool. But I think you’re hella weird for enjoying it.

Hi, this is gonna be a bit long, but let me explain the entire situation so far: Going back about a year or so, I started noticing an elevated heart rate above what I usually would have. I have an apple watch that allows me to check my heart rate, and around this time I started to get notifications that my heart rate was above average (in the 120s to 130s range while resting as opposed to my normal 60-80 range). This happened a few times along with some very minor chest pain / tightness, however after laying down for a few hours / going to bed it would usually return to normal. Around the same time I got diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD and placed on an SSRI to help my anxiety after trying ADHD meds and not liking them. I never really had any incidents with high heart rate after that, so I had assumed it was just anxiety causing it (and that may still be the case). A few months went by and I ended up starting college and got myself a girlfriend. As I ended up finding out, SSRIs, while great, have the unfortunate side effect of erectile dysfunction, so I weaned off my meds so I could prioritize my love life. There were a few incidents after this where my heart rate was above average, but again I just chalked this up to anxiety, as it would usually go away on its own. At one point I went into my on campus doctor's office just to verify my heart was okay after an elevated heart rate the night before, and they gave me an EKG which came up clear. Months go by, and things are fine, besides a slight uptick in anxiety. Unfortunately however, my relationship began to crumble and my anxiety skyrocketed, and we eventually broke up, which led me to talking to my doctor and getting placed back on anxiety medication. However, I really didn't like how SSRI's impacted my libido, so after trying a few more SSRI's I was placed on Buspirone. I love Buspirone, and it's made a noticeable difference on my confidence / reducing anxiety. When I take my full dose at once (30 mg), I tend to get a bit dizzy / nauseous, however when split up into 10 mg taken at breakfast lunch and dinner I have no noticeable side effects. I will say (and I don't know if this is in any way important but I'm just naming everything possible), I have noticed that since stopping the SSRIs and starting Buspirone I tend to ejaculate VERY fast which is abnormal for me, and although I would like to fix that it is not my main concern. Moving on though, after about a month or two after being placed on Buspirone, we get to where my heart problems start. As someone who had never used any substances my entire life, leaving home and going to college gave me the freedom to try new things, and although I know it's not great, on weekends me and my friends will get together and drink or occasionally smoke weed / take an edible. I was worried at first about interactions with my medication, but after some research all anything online could tell me was that I may get drunk faster / more nauseous and dizzy, which wasn't too big of a deal for me. I had tried weed earlier in college and didn't like the way it made me feel, however after being placed on Buspirone I decided to try it again and actually enjoyed the feeling, so I started doing it more on the weekends as opposed to just drinking, which leads us to the incident. Me and some friends had just sat down to watch a movie, and all taken an edible. Time passed, and I started to notice that my heart rate was extremely elevated, way more than I was usually used to. I checked my heart rate, and found that my watch was displaying an average of 160 bpm. At first I thought I was just having a bad high and tried to calm myself. I laid on the floor and put some ice on my forehead, but nothing was helping. I checked my heart rate again and saw that my watch was displaying 190, which really freaked me out as that was way higher than I had ever seen before. I had my sober friend call Public Safety for me, and they came to my dorm room and did a basic check up on me. They said that I had a fever, and when they took my heart rate they got something in the 160s range. Their explanation was that my anxiety, when combined with being high and likely being sick made my heart rate elevated, which made sense at the time. I went into my college's health services to follow up the next day since my heart rate was still elevated (in the 120s-130s range), however they again told me it was probably just anxiety. A few days went by and my heart rate was STILL above average, so I decided to double check with my real doctor off campus. About a day before this I had also stopped taking my medication to see if it could be the cause for my elevated heart rate. The doctors took my vitals and immediately noticed that had very high blood pressure and an elevated heart rate, to the point where they sent in a second doctor to recheck my vitals and make sure it was correct. After talking to me and having me give a run down of my symptoms, they had me schedule an appointment with a cardiologist and told me that if I ever experience chest pain and a heart rate above 100 bpm that wouldn't go down to go to the hospital. I had also told them about how I stopped taking my medication and they told me that that was fine and to tell the cardiologist about it. About a week passes, and I have my cardiologist appointment in a few days. I had been up the night before working on my final exams, so I hadn't gotten much sleep, and besides a breakfast sandwich that I had for lunch I hadn't eaten much either. I had been experiencing chest pain all day, but I assumed it was being caused by my lack of sleep, so after classes I went and took a nap. After a few hours I woke up, and immediately noticed that I still had chest pain. I checked my apple watch, and my heart rate was displaying roughly 90-110 bpm while laying down, which on top of the chest pain made me worried since my doctor had told me that that was cause to go to the hospital. I called my parents to tell them about it, and they drove to the school and had me sit in the car and eat some food they had made to see if it would help at all. However, even after this, my heart rate was still above 100 bpm and I still had chest pain, so my mom made the call to bring me to the hospital. While on the way to the hospital, out of nowhere my heart rate increased to about 170-180 bpm, which freaked me out. We arrived at the hospital, and they immediately gave me an EKG to make sure I wasn't going to drop dead. During this time, I also was shaking a lot and couldn't make myself stop. Eventually they took me into a room and decided to run some tests on me. The tests they did are as follows: BASIC METABOLIC PANEL, CBC WITH DIFF, TROPONIN NH, D DIMER DEEP VEIN THROMB LEVEL, TSH REFLEX, X-RAY CHEST PA AND LATERAL, and ECG-12 LEAD. While I'm not a doctor, from what they told me and from what I can see, everything turned up pretty normal. My potassium was a smidge low, as well as my MCV and MPV, and my Monocyte (absolute) was a tad high, but generally nothing to worry about. The website where I'm viewing my test results display my ECG as abnormal and an attached document says I have left atrial enlargement as well as sinus tachycardia, but they only mentioned sinus tachycardia in the hospital so I assume that it was just the machine reading my test results and giving its own diagnosis. Long story short though, I left the hospital a few hours later, and although I still had a slightly elevated heart rate they said I was fine to go about life normally and to follow up with my cardiologist. Cut to the present, and I just met with my cardiologist a couple days ago. I gave him the general rundown of the above story (but didn't mention the edible as a precursor to the 190 bpm heartrate as my mom was in the next room over and the door was wide open), and after checking my vitals he told me that although I did have an elevated heart rate and high blood pressure, my chest pain probably wasn't a huge concern and that he wasn't too worried it was anything life threatening. He told me I could resume taking my meds (which I had temporarily replaced with ashwagandha supplements while I waited for the appointment and have since stopped taking), and had me wear a little device that monitored my heart rate for 24 hours, which I'm set to return in a couple days. He also told me that when I returned it he would check my results and give me an echocardiogram and go from there. So, with any luck, he should be able to figure things out then. However, I wanted to post this to see if anyone could help me get any ideas on what it could be that I could run by him to help speed things up. I also have a recent theory of my own that I want to hear advice on. I was doing research and discovered that Buspirone, when taken with other medication that increases serotonin, can cause serotonin syndrome. After another google search, I found out that weed can increase serotonin levels. The only hole in that theory is that I stopped taking Buspirone after the initial spike in heart rate / blood pressure but had no noticeable changes. Oh and one last thing, if you can't think of anything in regards to what could be causing my elevated heart rate, I actually would like to know why I'm ejaculating so fast so I can fix it because its gotten to the point where I can't even enjoy masturbating because of how fast I cum.
In case I missed anything, here's a list of my symptoms (although I have no idea if they're all correlated):

• High heart rate (anywhere from 90-190 bpm)
• High blood pressure
• Chest pain / tightness on my left side and does not hurt more when I breath in / out (every now and then pain extends to my neck and shoulder)
• Frequently tired
• Insomnia (could be correlated with the above symptom lol)
• Get out of breath faster than usual
• Anxiety (already had this though)
• Mild depression (probably from my breakup)
• Lack of motivation (probably from my ADHD)
• Very rare and random spasms in my neck
• About 10 pounds weight loss in the past few months
• Sweat a lot
• Headaches (could be from the meds)
• Probably something minor that I'm forgetting but if I can't think of it it probably isn't important (will update this list if new symptoms arise)

TLDR: I have a high heart rate and blood pressure and can't figure out why

Hey my fellow spicy brain family,
Just sharing a bit of my journey (32M) and I’ll continue to update my post as I travel through this, as for me having resources like reddit to read and be open minded about medication and possibly being able to see what’s a ‘side effect’ or a benefit from meds has been helpful.
02/23 : Diagnosis
Initial dose Ritalin 10mg twice a day AM/PM (I think initially was 5mg for a few days then 10mg)

• I kept asking my GP and others I knew about what I was to notice, however I think I had some kind of ‘expectation’ that made me angry cause I ‘wasn’t getting it’ (or possibly underdosed) I remember the nurse saying when doing my ECG “you’ll know when it’s right” which only further fueled my frustration.

03/2023 : Increased to 20mg twice daily

• was getting tension headaches and jitters in afternoon (informed my psych at my next appt) however after doing some studying of my circumstances and situation of late, I have concluded that I was getting these ‘side effects’ as a rebound effect as my doses were too far apart (rollercoaster peak/drop/peak/drop)

04/2023 : switched to Vyvanse 30mg

• immediately it was ‘go time’ (possibly euphoria) I was so motivated to do literally everything right that moment (after all I am on an amphetamine) I was focused on my business and growing it, back end work, processes etc and quit gaming/porn (as these had a pretty tight hold on me), addressed issues with my parents, and workplace at the time which ended out better for me. (NC with parents, and moved workplace)

05/2023 : upped Vyvanse to 40mg

• I had no issues with the 30mg as it seemed to be great, but psych upped anyway (I didn’t question because maybe he knew something I didn’t)

Fast forward 6-9months, I’d sold my property in Brisbane, moved rural with family for better QOL for the kids, kept questioning my decisions on whether they were good or not, and huge amounts of anxiety/dread/worry/fear in there, not to mention a couple episodes of mania/psychosis I completely missed. (Mental health in the toilet)
04/2024 : increase Vyvanse to 50mg

• Within a week I knew something wasn’t right, heart rate issues/palptations (151bpm, to my error I had a coffee at the same time as my Vyvanse and it didn’t interact well together) I started self titrating and breaking my 50mg and ingesting 30mg after a 4 day medication holiday as I felt so bad when I was on 50mg, but after a week of 30mg I still felt the same, a lot of self doubt, don’t back myself, anxious/worry etc.

05/2024 : ditched Vyvanse, started Ritalin trial.

• As I’d previously taken 20mg twice a day with issues around my PM dose, I’d concluded my doses were too far apart with what I had learnt,

Day 1: I took 10mg x1 every 4hrs, didn’t feel much or anything. (Hr didn’t really do anything with the meds ingested)
Day 2: I took 10mg x1 every 1-2hrs until I felt something, and voila at dose 4, I felt unbothered by a lot of things that would usually piss me off (bad drivers, my kids doing kid things) so I took a further 2 until 60mg was taken for that day.
Day 3-11: I took 10mg x2 every 3-4hrs, I feel emotive, calm, happy, no anxious feelings at all, executive function is slightly better however the biggest win is I can RELAX which has been a lot of my issues in the past, constantly feeling shit needs to be done, when in actual fact nothing is pressing right now (business stuff) I’m able to parent better and be very patient and calm when my kids (also adhd) have moments, mostly the post school restraint collapse, and be well grounded to help my daughter decompress.
(I cried in the car to work listening to old songs I listened to when I was in high school and not knowing the depth of the lyrics, mostly mourning my childhood being late aged diagnosed)
After all my whole journey to being diagnosed was to give the support to my daughter that I’d been refused to as a child by my parents (even my primary school principal suggested I be evaluated, and I’d say mostly from a caring place).
My conclusions ; it may take a while to get your medication selection / dosage correct, just don’t give up, be careful of ‘chasing the dragon’ but also be as open as possible with your GP/Psych, sometimes we’re taught to please and not be a hindrance by downplaying potential side effects which can slow things down.
Thanks for reading my TEDtalk.

My wife and I have lived in Chiang Mai for about 10 years and are considering a change. We love it here but the smoke has become a deal breaker.
We're looking at either Samui or Phuket.
I'm an avid Golfer and my only concern with Samui is that there's only one real course there. On their website santiburi is something like 4200 thb per round. After so many years of paying 1200 at most in Chiang Mai, that price is giving me a heart attack.
For those that live there, is there ever any local discounts or membership rates that bring the price back to earth?

My husband has been travelling in the US and unfortunately has had a medical incident which requires him to make an early return to our home in Australia.
The new route that our travel agent has booked him home on involves a connection at LAX - he will be coming in on a flight from Denver with United, and leaving on a flight to Melbourne, also with United.
He’ll be flying First on the domestic leg, and Business on the international leg.
If everything runs on time, he will have exactly 2 hours connection time in LAX.
I guess I have a two-part question.
Would this be a safe and reasonable connection time for someone in full health?
If so, is it still a safe and reasonable connection time for someone who usually has good mobility but has just had a cardiac event and has been advised to try very hard to keep their heart rate under control… or should we be seeing if United are able to offer some kind of assistance in getting him through the airport?

I am a 26 year old female who got diagnosed with asthma when I was 21 (I suspect I have it much longer though.) My husband works at a school and I think brings a lot of sicknesses home, and we have a toddler and between it all we have been sick about once a month with a respiratory illness the past 6 months. I am going to be kind of social distancing a bit and trying to raise my immune system with supplements and good health (open to any suggestions!) This past week we have had some sort of upper respiratory infection or virus. Covid, flu, and RSV negative as well as a clear chest x ray. But my asthma was the worst it had ever been. After maxing out what is basically “allowed” with using my inhaler and nebulizer I decided to go to the emergency room.
I wanted to share what going to the hospital with asthma entailed for me to give anyone looking a better idea of what to expect. I had looked for a post like this before and didn’t easily find one.
When I got to the ED they asked about my symptoms and took my blood pressure, oxygen, and heart rate.
Then they took me back for an EKG to just be safe because of shortness of breath.
Then I had a little area to myself with a chair and was able to talk to the nurse and Dr’s. They listened to my lungs and ordered a chest x ray.
While I was waiting for the x ray they gave me an IV of fluid to hydrate and lower heart rate (it can get high from asthma and anxiety), magnesium to relax the lungs and airways. And Decadron (a steroid) as well as setting up a saline nebulizer for me to break up some of the mucus.
They saw my chest x ray was clear, said it was an asthma flare up from being sick and reassured me that the steroid should help a lot.
They gave me a hydroxyzine to help me relax and help my anxiety.
And they monitored me with the pulse oximeter on my finger for a couple hours while I napped to make sure my oxygen was in a good place before going home.
I am glad I went in and that they were able to help me! I was also sent home with extra saline for my nebulizer the Dr just gave me.
I do also already have albuterol at home of course in inhaler and nebulizer form as well as Symbicort that I take daily and I was on a prednisone taper from when I first got sick.
I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions!

I have some symptoms of EDS, specifically the hypermobile kind. Im curious as to wether or not I have it, and I kinda wanna talk to my doctor, but I feel like it doesn’t cause me immense pain so I don’t really NEED a diagnosis. But I bruise super easily and am freakishly flexible. Whenever I sit down I always subconsciously prop my feet up on tables because I like the support. My only ‘concerning’ issue is that my heart rate can get REALLY high with seemingly mild exercise, and I get all lightheaded when I stand up sometimes. But i’ve never actually been injured or hospitalized because of this stuff, so I don’t know if it’s worth it to mention?
Just let me know yalls thoughts 🙏

Currently having awful anxiety while trying to fall asleep. I was watching a movie and all of a sudden I got super nervous, my heart rate increased and my chest got tight. It keeps going away and coming back and I’m panicked. I have really bad anxiety but I haven’t had this happen in a very long time. Nothing crazy is going on, I have 1 Ativan left for emergencies but I’m too afraid to take it. Looking for advice/support❤️

Hey all, is it possible to see your heart rate zones within the workout app on a series 3 watch? seems like it isnt possible

I was in the backyard one night with my freinds. They were chatting and looking at something on their phones and I heard a twig snap to the right of me. I turned to look and saw a very tall and skinny figure standing in the shadows just behind a tree towards the back of the yard. It was moving back and forth on its feet in a inhuman way and stood at least a foot and a half above the 6 foot fence. I could see it's slender body slightly through the tree and could tell it was in the backyard with us, and it seemed like it was looking right at me even though I couldn't see its face. I panicked and went inside to grab a flashlight, my boyfriend and his friend followed me to see what was wrong, I told them there was something out there but when we went back out we couldn't see any trace of it with the light.
About 2 years after moving to our new home my boyfreind was at his freinds house and would be home in a hour or two. I was getting ready to take a shower and locked myself in the bathroom. I lock the doors behind me becuase it makes me feel safer when I'm alone. So I'm in there getting things ready and I hear a weird sound. It sounded like the doorknob to the bathroom door was turning. I looked over at it kind of confused and sure enough I could see the doorknob moving. I kind of laughed to myself like "wow girl you've really lost it huh" like it was a joke. Well whatever was behind that door heard me and became very aggressive. It started making these aggressive clicking noises and shoving the door. I wasn't laughing anymore and realized that this was happening, something was here and it was trying to get in. My cat started going crazy, I could hear her out in the hallway hissing and growling and I wanted to know what was going on out there but I was so terrified it was like I was paralyzed. Whatever it was went quiet for a few minutes and then I heard what sounded like someone banging their fists on my living room window outside the bathroom then followed by banging on my kitchen counter. I was shaking and I didn't know what to do. I just stayed there, I fully expected whatever was out there to come through the door at any moment but it went silent and the banging stopped. All the doors and windows were locked, there was no way anything could've been in my apartment. Honestly I'd never experienced fear like that before and I didn't move at all the entire time until my boyfreind got home. He could tell something had happened and was concerned about my safety. Even after he had gotten home I was still shaking and couldn't help but feel whatever it was that tried to get in was still there and had never left and was watching us.
There was another time I was walking up the driveway around 1 in the morning and I saw a tall grey crouched outside the bushes next to my bedroom window. It was just staring at me and didn't move or say anything. I made eye contact with it and it freaked the shit out of me. Why was it just waiting there by my window??? Did it want me to see it?? I don't understand but I was scared so I went and sat on the couch and avoided going to my room.
One time when I was a kid I was having a dream about a hooded figure and I woke up to a pain in my lower left side. When I opened my eyes there was a being standing right next to my head about a foot from my face. It was incredibly short, like the size of a child. I looked at it for about 5-10 seconds before it vanished into thin air. Like it activated a cloaking device.
I'm scared honestly, I don't know what they want or if they want to hurt me. I've tried requesting contact or asking for information but absolute silence. I have no clue what's going on and I legit don't know what to think of all this. Anyone here have any perspectives on the matter? I feel like I'm being harrased or they want me to go insane. I've been having sleep paralysis too, feeling like someone is touching my side. The same side that the short being was doing something to when I was a kid.
I don't know if it's related but I had an out if body experience a couple years ago when I was meditating. My heart rate slowed down significantly and so did my breathing and I saw and felt myself from 1st person flying into the sky with other people. I wasn't my body, I was made if pure energy and geometry changing colors and form. Everyone else was too and we all felt and thought as one singular being. Then I was back in my body. My TV turned on by itself right afterwards and starting changing inputs. Like someone wanted me to know I had been shown something I don't know could be a coincidence.
The only answer I've ever heard was just a couple dreams I had. In one a rock being materialized in my living room and told me they were interested in me becuase I have the shard whatever that means. But it could just be a dream and not correlated. In another one I'm in a house and I go over to the window. Open the curtain and there is a grey looking at me, it's eye reflecting light like a cat. I flicked it off jokingly and it returned the favor. I sat down and it came in and sat next to me. It told me that it was me and it could see light everywhere. It said alot more but I can't remember anything. It then turned into the cat I had just gotten recently. So yeah like I said probably not very reliable lol.
I also had a dream that I was standing on a platform overlooking am ocean and the moon fell into the sea. A portal opened up in the water where it fell and a being emerged moving towards the platform. He was very tall, had blue green skin, an extremely long neck and long thin slit black eyes that wrapped around his head. He read my mind and showed me images of me sitting in a chair in front of a TV drinking. I felt like he wanted me to stop drinking. When I accepted this he gave me a slip of paper and a portal opened up on the wall. A human man greeted me and took me into his office. He was also telepathic and seemed like a doctor of sorts. He showed me pics of something but I don't remember what it was. He then told me my boyfreinds memory would be erased. I then was telephoned over the portal in the ocean and started falling into it from the sky. Someone I couldn't see said "ego death" and as I got closer I saw a place that looked alot like zion from the matrix. Rows and rows of metal walkways of people on them going down for miles. Then I woke up. Don't think that will actually happen but it was a weird dream. Haha I wish though

Since diagnosis and medication I max out at 140bpm (which, even that, rarely happens). I didn't wear a Fitbit to detect hr for about a year before diagnosis so idk what it was before being medicated but the GP and cardiologist both agreed that pots was what caused my nausea, dizziness, fatigue, headaches etc after doing lots of tests. What I'm curious about is how on earth y'all manage having HRs in the late 100s when I'm here feeling like sh1t when my heart rate isn't even that high like are y'all just built different 😭 no but seriously though like I forgot to take my meds the other day and last night I could barely get off the couch and felt like I would throw up but my hr was relatively normal looking (literally peaked at only 124, I assume when I was standing to get dinner after I felt a bit better). I will admit, I don't think I have severe pots. Like I've never fainted, never been to the ER for it. The worst Ive had is not being able to get off the floor for a day or so or blacking out when I stood up (maintained consciousness tho). Usually if I take my meds and don't stand too long I'm pretty good.

Hi everyone!
I was diagnosed with Grace’s about a month ago, after being hospitalised for thyrotoxicosis, and having had symptoms for around the last year.
I am having a TT on the 19th of June, because I never want to experience what I felt in the days before going to hospital EVER again.
Anyway, point of this post is, how quickly post TT can one start exercising (assuming all the stars align and medication is right first time and there are no complications?)
I LOVE running, but I have been struggling so much over the last year because of the headaches and heart rate. I miss it, and I so badly want to start training again.
I’ve just been walking for the last month while my meds have kicked in, and I feel well enough to start running again but won’t do so until my endo gives me the green light.
I asked her this question, but she just said it depends on my own healing - so I just want to get a frame of reference from others?

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Suzanne thought it was absolutely brilliant of me to put books on a flash drive for Sun. She explained that Sun wasn’t as sophant (her word, not mine) as she might seem, more of a repository of information, but she was fairly intelligent. It was how she was able to connect Andrew being in pain to the fact that I was friends with Andrew, and that I would want to know that he was in trouble. Apparently some of Sun’s species had given some ‘wisdom’ to others in the past and it had made its way into mythology.
The key fact was that she was not smart enough to protect herself and her kind from the clever, organized poachers. With that information in mind, it was fascinating for me to think of how Sun took in and organized what she learned. It was almost as if she was a walking, talking library.
On the topic of tours, my first one went wonderfully, and I’m almost hoping Suzanne lets me do more of them. I know not all the tourists are going to be as awesome as these people were, but Suzanne gave me a lot of slack when it comes to dealing with them. She actually said that being a smartass is not grounds for dismissal, and that if I’m sarcastic or facetious to guests who are being ‘daft’ and they complain, she really doesn’t care. Is this the perfect job for me or what?
There were four guests in this party, two adults who were sisters and two children of one of the women, brothers aged thirteen and seventeen. The tour was a birthday gift for the older of the boys from his aunt, since apparently he was passionate about animal protection and conservation.
When they arrived at the front gate, I was sitting at Andrew’s desk, going over the booklet of information one last time. When the visitors pressed the button that sounded the alert buzzer, I tucked away in a drawer and let them in. I did have a cheat sheet with information about the animals on my phone just in case, a brief notation of each of them and which enclosure they were in, but I really didn’t need to use it.
Exiting through the front door, I saw them walk up the path toward me. “Hi, I’m Ripley,” I said, holding out a hand toward the woman closest to me.
She shook it firmly. “I’m Denise. This is my sister Carla and my nephews, Wesley and Jason,” she said, motioning to each of them in turn.
“I heard it’s your birthday,” I said to Wesley, giving him a smile. “You’re interested in animal conversation?”
“Back where we live, yeah,” he said, nodding. “The animals that you’ve got here are incredible. I can’t wait to see them.”
“Well, I can’t wait to show them to you,” I said. “Right this way.”
I led them on the path around the building, toward enclosure one. Despite the horrific memories of the animal killing Stanley’s friends, I knew it was just an animal, and I had to push past my feelings on what had happened. Keeping a small smile on my face, I motioned to the enclosure. “Fiercely territorial and amazing hunters, despite their large size, they’re arboreal and known to dart from tree to tree with barely a sound. This is one of only about two thousand left in existence.”
“Two thousand, three hundred and fifty six at last count,” spoke Wesley, his eyes on the trees.
I blinked, surprised and impressed. “Well that was fantastic. Do you plan on stealing my job when you graduate?”
Wesley looked at me with a grin. “Nah, everyone knows Suzanne only offers humans this gig. And I want to help animals like this one get off the endangered species list. The zoos are great for awareness and fundraising, but then the money has to go somewhere. I want to be doing the real work.”
“That’s really great,” I told him. “I wish you all the best in that career path.” At that, we saw the animal climb down from the tree, wandering a few yards from the tree line. This was because 90% of the time, when humans were at their enclosure and making noise, whether it was speaking to each other or calling out to the animal, it was someone bringing them prey to eat. Or, in my case, enrichment toys to play with.
“Whoa,” Wesley whispered.
“How close can we get?” spoke up Jason.
“The warding starts at the fence,” I told him with a small gesture. “So, just there.”
Both boys wandered closer and I glanced at their parents. It seemed that Suzanne’s zoo had a serious reputation for high quality invisible walls, because they didn’t look worried in the slightest about the boys being hurt or killed.
“They prefer dense forest as their home and have been known to make their nests in trees up to twenty meter in the air,” I continued. “And when hunting, they’ve been seen dropping eight meters straight down. They have incredibly dense yet flexible musculature, which allows them to tackle their prey without injuring themselves.”
There was more information about the animal that I continued to rattle off, though Wesley chimed in at certain points with the info I was about to convey. That was highly entertaining and very cool. When I’d been in school, I’d never met anyone who had my level of passion about endangered animals. I wondered if things were better where these folks came from, but realized that considering there were so few of these animals left, I guessed not.
The animal paced a little bit, seemingly waiting to see if we were the kind of humans that came bearing food, before deciding we weren’t and climbing back up into the trees as easily as I would climb some stairs.
As we moved onto enclosure two, Jason spoke up. “Are there any animals here we can touch or feed or something?”
I sighed inwardly before slowing to a stop. “Well, can you show me your hands?” Jason looked bemused, holding out his hands. “I mean…they both look like they’re in great shape. You can stand to lose one.”
The two women chuckled and Wesley smirked as Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very funny.”
Grinning, I started walking again. “The animals here are all carnivores and all predators. You get to see them, but that’s it.”
“Alright.”
When we reached enclosure two, I started on my next spiel. “We’ve got three reanimated dead in this enclosure,” I spoke. They were just coming out from the trees as we arrived, presumably having heard our approach. “Marissa, Connor, and Bradley. They were donated by families who knew where they would be exhibited. Their next of kin, whoever they are, can’t stand the idea of putting them down. But we need to make sure they don’t have access to corpses, because one of them plus one corpse equals two of them.”
“They eat flesh though, don’t they?” Wesley asked.
I nodded. “Oh, yeah, but it’s from bodies that have already been dismembered. There’s no chance of them being affected by the transformation because it’s all parts.”
“Oh, got it.”
The creatures with blueish-white skin had superhuman strength, which is why they qualified for the security of Suzanne’s zoo. They also were likely the source of any Earth tales of people being brought back to life as zombies, specifically draugr, according to my research. They smelled like rotting flesh, so even as I kept talking about them and giving a background to the people they used to be, we were quick to move on once Wesley had gotten a good, long look at them.
“Enclosure four’s animal is a vampiric spirit. He’s a small, hairy humanoid creature with pointed ears. He wears a hat, and if he somehow loses it, he freaks out,” I said.
“They eat horses,” Wesley noted. “Also anything that gives them the chance to sit on it, usually catching them by surprise while they’re sleeping.”
The creature came out from the brush, giving us a suspicious look. He wasn’t in his humanoid form though; for some reason, he’d chosen to shapeshift to a dog.
I nodded. “Yep, indeed. Once the prey is dead, then he’ll eat it, and he has a voracious appetite. We have two wolves and two bears in the forest, which is one of the reasons I’ve got some self-defense items,” I said, patting my belt where my pepper spray (rated for bear) and my taser. “But the wards keep them out of this area of the zoo, so it’s really not much of a worry. It’s also a known shapeshifter, preferring the form of a dog, as you can see, as well as a cat, a snake, or even white butterflies, though the last one is rare.”
“The white butterflies are supposed to be a sign of good luck,” Wesley said, glancing to me. “Too bad we got the dog.”
“Yeah, otherwise you might be able to talk your mom into getting scratch-offs on your way home, huh?”
Wesley smirked at me.
The next enclosure was Spike, and he was waiting for us, dripping wet from having just emerged from the lake. I gave the introductory information about him, which included his propensity for eating animal eyes, nails, and teeth. “Recently, I’ve given him some enrichment activities, and I learned he likes artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts,” I said, taking a bag out from my cargo shorts. “Wesley, do you want to toss this bag into the enclosure?”
The boy’s eyes widened and he nodded excitedly. He took a look into the paper bag before wrapping down the top to make sure nothing would fly out. Then he chucked it underhand past the fence. It landed a few yards from Spike, who waddled over to it quickly and tearing the bag open, spilling out the prizes inside. As the animal ate the pecans and hazelnuts, Wesley asked, “How’d you figure out he likes those?”
“It’s not all about taste,” I told him. “It’s mainly the difficulty of getting them out of the shells. He’s used to having to work for the parts of his prey he likes the most, so this mimics that activity, and he enjoys the process. I tried a bunch of different foods to find a few he liked.”
“Cool,” Wesley murmured, staring at him.
We watched Spike eat until he’d finished and then he went back into the woods, leaving us to move onto enclosure five. Japanese camellia were plentiful here, a type of pink flower, and that was because they grew anywhere near one of his species made their den. “This girl spends most of her time in the lake also,” I said, as the creature made its way toward the fence separating us from it. “But as you can see, she’s just as curious as the rest about what we’re doing here and whether we have food for her. She eats fish mostly, but she also regularly gets live prey.”
This creature was a spider-like monster, having six legs with long claws on each, and the head of an ox with two sharp horns. She was capable of shapeshifting to look like a human, but I guessed that she wasn’t fond of it, since I hadn’t yet seen her in that form.
“She prefers the easy way of catching prey, so to speak, by hiding in the lake and pouncing when something comes for a drink of water,” I explained. “Apparently humans are some of her favorite prey. She has an advantage of being able to spit poison, which often hits her prey in the eyes. But it’s usually used in defense rather than offense, since it secretes a limited amount.”
“What kind of animal would even go after something like this?” Jason asked, staring at her.
“Never discount one of its own species when you’re thinking about what might attack an animal,” I replied. “There are places that are breeding all of the animals here, but competition for mates is common. That means an advantage in a fight, like poison or venom, can make or break who the winner is.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
“It can’t spit past the warding, right?” Carla suddenly asked.
“Oh, no,” I assured her. “We’re fine. The wards wouldn’t let anything cross over.” She nodded, appeased.
The animal in enclosure six was the ginormous seal-hippo, Fiona, and she was looking at us as if she was imagining sprinkling us with herbs and spices and stuffing us in an oven. “This girl is one animal I’m going to work on enrichment activities for next,” I told them. “She prefers to feed on crayfish, though she’s happy to eat any humans that wander into her territory. She’ll even make a sound like a baby crying to reel us in. I’ve heard it a bunch of times.”
“Can you get her to make the sound?” Jason asked, perking up.
I grinned. “Not on command, sorry.”
“What enrichment are you thinking of trying?” Wesley asked.
“Possibly food placed in puzzle feeders,” I told him, “since she has claws that are pretty dexterous. Maybe a piñata made out of newspaper with flour inside, or a scarecrow that mimics a human.”
“Awesome,” he muttered.
After a little more educational tidbits, we moved onto Yui’s enclosure. “What is that?” Wesley asked, smiling.
“I got Yui the closest thing I could to a ping-pong ball,” I replied. “She quite likes it.”
“That’s so funny,” he said as she came out of the trees in her spider form. “I mean, the idea of her being a bloodthirsty hunter who seduces men to their deaths and eats them alive, but then on the other hand, she likes playing with something like this.”
“It is a little funny,” I agreed. “But when it comes down to it, all the animals here enjoy activities besides hunting.”
“She can shapeshift to look human, right?” asked Jason, trying to be casual about knowing something factual like his nerdy brother.
I nodded. “She looks like a woman from a region of Earth called Japan. And she’ll use strategies like holding out a hand to shake to get you closer. She tried that on me when I first got here but, as you can see,” I said, holding up my hands and waving them, “I didn’t fall for it.”
The boys both laughed as they got closer to the fence, watching her slowly pace near the trees.
Next was Sun, but she didn’t make an appearance as I spoke about her species. “Well…unfortunately we can’t guarantee that every animal comes out to say hi,” I sighed. “But…oh wait, here she is.”
The green lion with several horns and many eyes along her flank came out from the forest. “Hello,” she spoke.
“Hi, Sun,” I replied. “We have visitors.”
“What’s that?” Wesley asked suddenly, pointing at the small plastic bag that was still where I’d left it.
“Oh! That is Sun’s enrichment,” I said with a smile. “I put dozens of books on a flash drive and found that she can read them just like she’d read a shelf of books.”
Wesley’s eyes widened. “Wow. I don’t think I’ve read about anyone trying that before. That’s really cool.”
“The books are new and interesting,” Sun spoke, drawing our attention. “I’m grateful for them.”
I nodded to her. “You’re quite welcome.”
The next animal, unfortunately, wasn’t there, and we waited around for ten minutes as we discussed him. He was large and reptile-like with red eyes, with its hind legs and tail making him look vaguely like a kangaroo. Then, enclosure ten was a terrifyingly disturbing creature, the not-a-centaur with no skin, that I’d only seen a few times while walking my route. It gave a good demonstration of its ferocity, showing its sharp teeth and snapping at us a few times.
“I’m thinking of trying salt licks and other horse enrichment like a big bouncy ball,” I told Wesley, whose eyebrows went up at that. “Maybe give him more things to forage like scattered grains or a box filled with pinecones and seeds. Foraging is a huge part of a horse’s life in the wild, and humans have to do a lot of activities like that to keep pet horses busy. Of course, he also loves the little salt-water lake that was built for him.”
We spent some time looking at the animal before moving past our last stop, the empty enclosure of the animal was stolen. Carla glanced at me with a sad smile, knowing what had happened, it seemed. I gave her a nod as we continued on our way, walking into the office. “So, I hope everyone enjoyed themselves!” I said with a smile.
“That was the coolest birthday present I’ve ever gotten,” Wesley said, looking to Denise. “Thanks so much, seriously.”
“It was my pleasure,” she said with a nod. “I’d never been here before, and knew I’d find it fascinating. Thank you for the educational aspect,” Denise said, glancing at me. “I learned quite a lot.”
“Happy to hear it,” I said, returning the nod.
As I escorted the guests out of the zoo and locked the door behind them, I reflected on how much I’d changed. The first time I’d seen Yui’s tarantula form, I’d nearly passed out from fear. Now here I was, walking tourists around like it was no big deal. Humans really can adapt to anything, it seems.
That afternoon, Suzanne had texted me that she was coming by after my shift, and I met her in Andrew’s office, shutting the door to the security room behind me. “How’s Andrew?” I asked first thing.
“He’s doing well,” she said with a wide smile. “Back on non-hospital food. He’s allowed to order food on his phone, and to hear it from him, that’s the best news he’d received in a long time.”
I chuckled. “I guess some clichés are true for a reason.”
“Indeed.” She took a breath. “All right. Ripley…I would like to discuss something with you.”
My face went slack at the serious tone in her voice. “I’m not… Am I being fired?”
“What? No!” she exclaimed. Then she chuckled softly. “No, it’s nothing like that. Just, here, let’s have a seat.” Suzanne walked over to the couch and sat at one end, and I took the other. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve kept from you, that I wanted to keep from you until you found your sea legs here.”
“Well…I have,” I said with a nod. “So, what is it?”
Suzanne took a breath. “I knew your mother.”
The words hung in the air for a moment before making their way to my ears. It was a perfectly logical sentence, and yet it didn’t make any sense. “What?” I finally managed.
“When you graduated college, I decided to move the zoo from Italy to within driving distance of your home,” she said softly. “Near enough to your town that you’d see the advert. We ignored any other applicants and I hoped you’d apply. Actually, I expected you’d apply. Not just for the money, but considering the field you wanted to go into. As soon as I’d found out your major, I knew.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, holding up a hand. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “How do you know Patricia?”
“She owned the zoo before I did,” Susan explained. “Fourteen years ago…she was working to track an injured animal that we could bring into the zoo and she was killed by poachers.”
My heart calcified in my chest and a lump lodged in my throat. As my breaths became shaky, I stared at her in shock. “She…she’s really dead?”
“You suspected?” she asked softly.
“It…” I swallowed hard. “We had her declared legally dead after…I don’t know, seven years I think. My dad wanted to go after her for child support, but the police said…they said they couldn’t find…” Tears came to my eyes and I blinked them back before I met Suzanne’s gaze. “She owned the zoo?”
Suzanne nodded. “It was her baby, you’d say. When Patricia passed, I inherited it, which we’d discussed beforehand, a legal just-in-case that I never expected her to need. I’m under the impression that you were told she went to Africa for her photography career, but she was in fact going to remote areas back in my home world almost every time.”
“But I-I saw the photos,” I said, my eyes narrowing. “You’re telling me she put on a show of getting pictures that someone else took for us to see every time she visited? Did my dad even know?”
“I suppose that’s an accurate way to put it, putting on a show. And no, your father was never told. It’s not the way of things to tell humans unless it’s necessary. I won’t bore you with the details, but us and humans, we’re distant relatives, so we can still have children. But it wasn’t planned. Your mother fell in love with your father despite herself; she hadn’t meant to find love. Then she became pregnant with you and…well, the rest is history.”
“I think she had a different definition of love than the one I have,” I said tightly. “You’d think she’d have put her survival as more of a priority. Put being with the man she ‘loved’ as a priority. Her kids needed her. I needed her. She signed up when she became a mom. She could’ve screwed up all the time but she couldn’t even manage that one job: be there. When I was in the hospital, I kept thinking, ‘Where is she?’ and now you’re telling me that she put these animals above being there for her kids, and this whole time she’s been dead.”
“The hospital?” she asked, furrowing her brows.
“Never mind,” I said tersely, averting my gaze.
Suzanne hesitated before she nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for your loss, and not just for her death, Ripley,” she told me. “Patricia was…well, a ‘free spirit’ would be putting it gently. She always assumed the world would be there for her whenever she needed it.”
Staring at her for a long moment, I shook my head. “Why? Why come here and hire me?”
“I thought that would be obvious,” she said, smiling. “Your mother was so passionate about this place and once I found out your college major, I figured you would be as well.”
“Did you know that I hate her?” At that, Suzanne’s expression froze on the edge of shock. “She…she left us,” I whispered. “Didn’t tell us who she was or what she really did for a living and gave us no closure. And even when she was here, it was just visiting. Her real home was her work. She could give me all the presents she wanted, but even when she was here, half the time she was still on her computer doing work. It’s not like that stereotype of never making it to my tennis practice or something; it’s that it always felt like she was only partially here, even when I was sitting next to her. I don’t even know if I appreciate her turning me into a wildlife fanatic because it…it…makes me feel like I’m close to her in a way that’s just infuriating. She loved the animals more than she loved us.”
“Oh, Ripley-”
“Don’t,” I said, shoving myself to my feet. “Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
“I wasn’t going to,” she said quietly. I pursed my lips. “I was going to say that I’m sorry that was the case. Your mother was…flawed, just like any other person. She had two loves in this world: her family and her work. And often, her work overcame her, her zeal for environmentalism getting in the way of being a good mum. She left your father trying to fill the role of two parents, holding your family together. You and your brother and your father, you all deserved better than that.”
My lower lip quivered but I bit down on it hard. It would’ve been a lot easier for me if she’d been speaking from a place of clueless reassurance about all this. But everything she said was making sense and that meant I didn’t have someone in front of me to be angry with.
“Why didn’t you tell me when Andrew hired me?” I sighed, sitting back down on the couch.
“Well, like I said, I wanted you to find your sea legs,” she said with a small smile. “I didn’t want the truth affecting whether or not you wanted to work here, whether you wanted to stay here after finding out about what the animals are. It would’ve complicated things, the emotions you’ll have to work through now that you know the truth. Whether or not you decide to give another tour, you also know what they’re like. That’s the benchmark I wanted you to reach before you found out about who you are.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who I-” My face went slack. “Wait.”
Suzanne nodded slowly. “You’re only half human. Your brother too.”
The room seemed to tilt on an axis for a moment. “That means I’m also half…what?”
“We call ourselves Eldritch, these days,” she replied.
My eyes bugged out. “What?” I exclaimed. “So you’re all, like, gods or something?”
Suzanne burst out laughing. “Oh no, goodness, no,” she chuckled. “It’s just a word. We live in a very different world from this one, and a few generations ago we discovered the word and it made its way into our lexicon. But it does mean you can see all the animals. Indeed you did, on the tour you gave.”
“Wait, no, I had the glasses that…” I stopped. “Did those glasses do anything?”
She gave a sly smile and shook her head. “Not a thing. You made incredibly quick progress, and then when it came time for the tour, all you needed was to expect to see the animals, and you did.”
Genetics. That’s what Andrew had said during our interview, that part of how many animals you could see was determined by genetics. I guess having a mother who was originally from the other dimension gave me all the genes I needed to see everything here. “Could I…visit your world?” I asked tentatively. “You said that my mom took photos of the animals there. Could I…” My voice trailed off, not even sure if or how I wanted to finish that sentence.
“Those who are half human, especially those who are raised on Earth, don’t come visit,” she said gently. “I could show you some photos of other animals, and I could loan you as many books as you’d like, but it’s simply not a place where you’d be safe.”
“Oh,” I said, leaning into the couch cushion as I pictured the animals in the zoo. “Yeah, actually that…makes sense.” I paused. “So, what now?”
“It’s up to you,” she said. “I wanted to wait until I was sure you were comfortable with your position here, and then put the ball in your court. And so it is. What do you want to do now?”
What did I want to do? It wasn’t that difficult a question, just a deep, serious one.
I wanted to thrive, as the animals did. This is my enrichment now, working at an incredible, wonderful, terrifying zoo. The experience so far hasn’t been perfect, and I know there are risks, but life isn’t about staying safe. It’s about learning new things and making a difference in the world. And, if you’re lucky, having a job that’s something really special.
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THE END
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