First of all, thanks to everyone who takes their time to read all of this, it means the world to me!
I (m30) met my GF (f30) a year ago on an online dating platform and we are now in a happy relationship since 10 months. She is all I could have ever dreamed of and is the love of my life. I am planning my proposal right now but there is something I just have to get rid of, my RJ. I had massive mental health issues in the past (severe depression) and suffered low self-worth.
My first 2 relationships shared the same „problem“. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 20. At the beginning of our relationship we talked about our sexual pasts. I was a virgin back then and she told me a number of people she slept with. Over the next months, due to conversations on parties, it became clear that the number she told me was a lie and the real number was much higher. I even found out, that she slept with a friend of mine, 3 weeks before we started dating. I started to develop trust issues and did something I am not proud about, looking through her phone. I found out the feeling that she is lying to me was right all along, she had slept with many more guys than she told me about and was even cheating on me, which is why we broke up.
My second girlfriend was the second woman I had slept with. Same problem as before (apart from the cheating stuff). We talked about our past experiences and, as time went by, it became clear that she also lied about her past experiences and has had many more guys, than she told me. Apart from that she was very abusive, attacked me both verbally and physically and drove me into mentioned depression over a course of 7 years. I broke up with her 2 years ago.
At this point it is important to state that both of my exes started the conversations about past experiences. It is nothing I check out when I start to date someone.
I now was 29, had encountered RJ in 2 relationships and thought it was due to my lack of sexual experiences myself. To prevent it from happening again I started dating and gained experience myself, until I met the love of my life 12 months ago.
Our relationship is perfect, aside from my RJ. When we started dating we showed us pictures of each others and I noticed a picture of her with a musician. I asked her, if they had hooked up and she told me no. She also told me that she never had a ons or any „casual“ sex experiences and doesn‘t like such stuff.
2 months into the relationship I stumbled upon her reddit profile (I didn‘t take her phone at this point). I was curious and read the things she had posted and comments she wrote, since it is all online and public. Then I saw the comment, which led to the situation I am in today. She had commented a post that she did have sex with the said musician. The moment I‘ve read this my heart sunk into my stomach and I was instantly reminded of my 2 previous relationships. So I did a mistake again. I took her phone while she was sleeping and looked for pictures, read chats etc. I found out that she also was lying about past experiences. She did had ons and casual sex and also lied about another guy she had told me she had dated, but didn‘t have sex with. In fact, they did have sex, several times. I confronted her about the musician and told her I looked through her phone. She was shocked and disappointed that I checked her phone (and I totally understand that, it isn‘t the right thing to do) but my gut feeling told me something was off and my feeling was right. She admitted that she had sex with the musician, but also didn‘t tell me the whole truth. She lied about the way that ons started out, but I didn‘t tell her that I know the truth. It shook my trust in her. Not my general trust, but the trust about everything she told me about her past. To this day she doesn‘t know that I‘ve read a lot more than just the chat with the musician, because back then I told her that I only read this chat (it was wrong for me to lie to her and I was no better than her, I know!).
Now to the real problem. This triggered something big in me, like a trauma or something. It has been 8 months since I‘ve searched her phone and not a single day has passed at which I haven‘t thought about this musician. I think about it a few times a day and sometimes I even imagine how they had sex when I am having sex with her. It is driving me crazy and I am slowly going insane because of it. Sometimes we randomly talk about things from our past and I catch her lying to me since I know better because I searched her phone. I don‘t tell her that I know better in these situations. I know she ist just lying because of 2 reasons:

1. she does not want to destroy my picture of her and fears that I might view her differently.
   
2. she wants to safe me from getting jealous/sad
   

What is in the past ist in the past, she didn’t know me back then so she did nothinh wrong back then. She could tell me the craziest sex stories and I would just love her the way she is, the most beautiful soul I‘ve ever met. But knowing that she is lying all the time about these things is slowly killing me from the inside. I can‘t get these things out of my head and I‘ve already told her about my past and how important the truth is for me because of that. She still decided to lie to me when I confronted her about the ons with the musician. I can‘t get over it because I know I‘m still getting lied to concerning this particular topic and my brain tries to figure out what the truth is all the time. I made the experiences that if my gf talks openly about a past story the puzzle in my head gets completed and I can stop thinking about it. I already started to search for a therapist (I will DEFINITELY start therapy again) but I feel like I need to confront her one more time to find peace and get her to lay down the lies and start being honest about her past.
She had an abusive ex, too. It is a very sensitive topic for her to search the phone because her ex did it all the time. He controlled who she is allowed to speak to and locked her up in the flat to make sure she can‘t have any interactions with another male. This is why I am afraid to confront her because I don‘t want to trigger her but we both fucked up (me looking through her phone / she constant lies about her past).
What should I do? Should I confront her? I tried to eat it up but 8 months have passed and it didn‘t get better, I feel like I need closure.

Hello, I recently moved to a whole new place where I don't know anybody but have managed to make a few friends that I connect well with and attend the same community club together.
This place is the straight up countryside so there aren't that many people in general in the same age range as me (26 M), but I happened to meet a girl that I felt like I connected particularly well with. we haven't gone on any dates or anything but the few times we have been alone together I have a lot of fun and can be open with her. Her friend told me that she has a long distance boyfriend, but the friend and the girl herself has told me that he's not that great a guy and that she is having issues with him such as him badmouthing things she likes, the girl herself, and is overall just an immature guy when it comes to relationships (they've been dating for around 1-2 months now at this point.
The girl has told me that when he came to visit and stay at her place, she told the guy she wanted to break up with him, that he started to cry and beg for her not to leave and that he'll change and what not, and because shes just a nice person overall and felt bad, they decided to keep the relationship going but has told me herself that if feelings don't come back to her that she's going to break up with him.
When we are together, its very fun and it feels like she often flirts with me and laughs at my jokes even when they aren't funny. She comes close to me to look at my phone (like faces inches apart), puts her hand on my thigh when we talk, and very casual flirty skinship like that. But my problem is that she's still with her boyfriend and cheating is out of the question for me and something I promised I'd never do or make anyone do after my last relationship where my ex cheated on me. I'm planning to tell her how I feel, but in a way that doesn't put pressure on her and force her into a kind of decision where she has to choose between me and the other guy. I'm going to make it clear that if she wants me to give up any romantic feelings that I will and we can continue to just be friends that hang out together in groups, but if she wants me to wait for her to break things off with her bf, i will wait.
I want to think that I've already decided to do this, but I also wanted to anonymously post about my situation and hear what others have to say about this particular situation or any others that have been in similar situations.

Date	Stage	Route	Length	Type	Time
Sun. May 19	15	Manerba del Garda>Mottolino	222 km	Hard	ca. 16:15 CET

Information	Official Site / Startlist / Roadbook / Inrng overview stage profiles
Social Media	Twitter / Facebook / Instagram
Overall Previews	INRNG / CyclingNews / GCN
/peloton content	Pre-Race thread / Cheat Notes / RFL / SRFL / SWL / GTP / TFTPT
Live Trackers	Official / Cycling News
TV	Eurosport/GCN+ / Check your local broadcaster here / Race Coverage starts at 12:45 [CEST](http://www.timebie.com/std/centraleuropeansummer.php?q=XX12

• For a live chat way to discuss/follow the race we have a discord too!

Prologue

Hello and welcome to my post. I will subdivide this into two large parts. One will cover my thoughts, feelings, my hopes and dreams...While the other will tell you the specifics of how I pass the time, what topics interest me, what passions do I posses. I believe that at the end of this leap into my inner world, you dear reader, will have all the necessary information to judge whether we are compatible or not.

Part I
I am writing this in the hopes of finding something that I lack. Lately I have had this feeling, this tinge of melancholy within the dephts of my being, this yearning to find a kindred spirit, another Soul, much like mine, to form a bond with. Perhaps Loneliness is the right word for what is bothering me, but to use it seems to carry with it a connotation of ungratefulness. Ungratefulness for the people that I do have in my life, although none of them, of course, have the connection to me that I seek here.

I have found it increasingly necessary to seek in this Life a sort of purity of thought. What I mean is, I have began to undestand what ideas and concepts are ultimately compatible with my inner most Self, ergo what guidelines I have to follow to feel the most whole. Naturally I have likewise realised what I cannot add to my Self and what I will henceforth reject with all the power that I posses.

With this new context in mind, I now follow on the path of self improvement. I will now begin to mold my Self into my perfected idea of how the Self should be. This is certainly a significant undertaking, one that will not be easy to follow through on but one that I ultimately have to do. To me such context is essential. It is akin to a Guiding Star shining in the night. I will follow this Star for without it I am lost in the vast Darkness.

Looking back at my life, it was suboptimal, especially if one compares the way it molded me to how I will now mold myself. I suppose I must look on with a hint of regret at all that time which one might consider to be lost. Still... I try to stave off such decisively negative interpretations, after all, I have ultimately came to these conclusions. That means that somewhere along the line I had to have picked up on enough of such ideas for them to become so cemented in my consciousness. Well, either that or I was always like this, but in that case I can at least thank my life up to this point for not being able to supress such manifestations of my inner most Self.

To add to the topic of my life, I must admit that not all the battles have yet been won, not all the Demons vanquished, not every Mountain climbed. I want you to keep such things in mind when deciding whether or not to approach me. Many will shy away, I undestand that much, but the pursuit of true Companionship is just another such battle. Having said all that I do believe that being able to overcome hurdles together carries with it a certain appeal. That is to say, what's the fun in joining once the Game is already over?

I don't shy away from such challenges, perhaps to a fault. Certain troubles that I faced in the past carry with them a long shadow over my current health and well being. Still, I intend to change little in this regard other than the proficiency with which I will clash the current of my Will against the cliffs of Life.
Part II
In this part of my post I will tell you about my interests and hobbies, I will try to be thorough, commonality in this regard is rather important to build a relationship
History. I have had an interest in history for almost a decade now, it started back in school and developed from there. Well, now that I think about it one could argue that it started even earlier in my life as I liked watching the odd historic documentary or film aired on television but it wasn't regular back then, I never actively sought it out. I am mostly interested in European history in the period between the 18th-20th century but I sometimes branch out to other time periods and other parts of the world. I watch various channels related to history and read articles and sometimes books. I have recently got a few books on the German revolution of 1848/1849 and a historical magazine on the Thirty Years' War. Besides that I try to visit museums sometimes.
Literature. Especially old novels. I like to immerse myself in the Worlds of these books, I tend to read them while listening to thematically fitting music and take my time with them. One time you are following a troubled Youth in his quest for spiritual understanding of the world, another you see the aged and decrepit Doctor gambling his very Soul on the promises of abtaining satisfaction in earthy pleasures, then again your olfaction notices the most pleasant scent known to man even as the one eminating it has the appearance of a revolting Frog. These and many other stories open up to you once you decide to set foot into the literary World.
Languages. I know three, with one being a bit rusty. I am currently working intently on strengthening it. I believe that if I continue to apply myself in this regard then I should be able to finally conquer it. What language am I working on? Well, if you were to stack all the major works in it they would be as tall as a house... It is fun to go through different works in multiple languages, the same goes for film, games and such.
Games. I recently played Cyberpunk 2077. Well as recently as I played any major story centric game. Now that the dust has settled and the bugs mostly removed...It's not that bad. The main questline at least. Besides that I tried Fallout 76 (Very average, I'm dissapointed with what they made the "RPG" system) and I might give Deus Ex Manking Divided another spin (since it's somewhat similar to Cyberpunk when it comes to its aesthetics). Dark Souls is one of my favorite series, I still haven't beaten Elden Ring though. When it came out I wasn't in the right mindset to invest a hundred hours into it, with all those bosses and difficult locations. I think I'll only consider playing it if I am streaming it to someone. I am generally interested in either streaming games or having the person I am talking to stream them to me. To be specific I mean streaming to a single person while being on call. Besides that I'm a big fan of Paradox strategy games, especially Europa Universalis IV and Heats of Iron IV, I tend to only play single player since I find multiplayer with many people to be rather stressful but on the other hand I have nothing against a co-op game. I'm not the best player though, despite the ammount of hours I have in them. Another great game I would mention would be Dragon's Dogma. A very underrated RPG. I recently beat it again and it was an atmospheric and interesting experience. It is one of those games that feel like they have an endless ammount of depth and constant new secrets to discover.
Anime and Manga. In recent times my interest in them has waned but I still watch the occasional series here and there. Like Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Which I found to be rather mediocre) and the very good first season from the new arc of Bleach. Some of my favourite series include: Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Death Note, Fate;Zero, Psycho Pass, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. I wouldn't mind if you were to introduce me to some new series, maybe based on the ones I mentioned. My favourite Manga is Berserk which I still follow, althought I am still not certain on the direction that the new author is taking. I suppose it really is a matter of contention whether a somewhat (or considerably warped) vision is better than an unfinished work. One could argue that a few novels remain unfinished and possess a macabre appeal to them as such.
Music. Classical music has a very special place in my heart. A few of my favourite pieces would be: Clair de Lune, Nocturne Op. 9 No.2, Devil's Trill Sonata, Danse Macabre, Valse Sentimentale, Symphony No. 7 in A Major, Op. 92: II. Alegreto (by Beethoven) and Suite from Swan Lake, Op. 20a: I. Scene. Moderato. There are more but these ones always invoke something in me when I listen to them. Besides Classical I also enjoy listening to Synthwave, old Western pop and J-pop, both modern and from the 20th century.
Esotericism. I am interested in things spiritual, mystical, magical and esoteric. I have read religios texts, magical grimoires, introductions to various schools of thought. It is interesting to me.
Epilogue
Hopefully I was able to cast the spotlight upon my inner World in a clear and unequivocal manner. I feel the need to add to the aforementioned that I am rather introverted, which means that I tend to dislike large social gatherings. I managed to condition myself to be able to endure the presense of large groups of people but it isn't something that I would seek out in most cases. Besides that I am neurodivergent and suffer from certain issues with mental health. I have to take medication to keep myself under control. They work well enough but certain days are harder than others. I respect the struggle that others have with mental health but in the context of a relationship I have my limits, no one with BDP for instance. I am also not looking for anything casual. I understand than one cannot demand depth and meaning from a conversation with an absolute stranger, that is akin to trying to build a sand castle right before the waves strike but I ask at least that you enter with a mindset that this might become something of significance. I also do want to say that I am completely Monogamous. My preference? The sickly, pale, intellectual who watches rain droplets slide down the window in Autumn. Lastly, if I enjoy the company of a person I tend to not want to let them go.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and have a good day. I ask that you send a DM instead of a chat and that you give the English translation of my title as your own.
Goodbye...Or perhaps untill we meet again

Key: for later in the story Older sister: Horse Younger sister: llama Me: Bunny My wife: Fox Creepy boyfriend: Leech
Anybody who has more than one kid in the family knows that one of them is a "pick me" child. Well I have one, my older sister. How do I describe her, you know the Pokemon Ditto? Yes just like that, a purple blob that mimics any Pokemon, she mimics anyone. She made my life a living hell. Get ready Reddit it's a long one. I will have to break this up into multiple parts.
Let's start with my childhood/teen years. So my older sister is a couple years older than me and our dad was married to her mom. Anyway our dad ends the marriage when he finds out her mother was cheating on him. A little bit after that my mom and dad got together and well ....they got married and then I was born. A couple of years later my little sister was born. My older sister's mom pretty much screwed my parents and had to take her every other week. God I hated those weekends because we had to do everything she wanted, buy the food that she could only eat, watch only what she wanted to watch, and she made my sister and I her own personal Barbie dolls. When I say personal Barbie dolls, she wanted to be a hairdresser when she was older and practice on us. She thought that she could get better -newsflash! -she didn't. One time she wanted to put curls in my hair so I let her when the curls came out I looked like bloody Shirley Temple. 😤
Adult years: It only got worse as we grew into adults. For some reason my older and younger sisters had competition between each other, which left me in the dark and that was okay, I was too weird for them. At this point I had gone through my own demons. Anyway, we are all "adults" The older sister still acts like she never grew up. In 2016, all hell broke loose my older sister got into sell mlms (yuck!). The only reason why she said that she got into selling mlms is because she was helping her friends, hmm yea no just wanted to be a part of a group. She was selling herbal life, a weight loss program, now she did lose the weight while on this program, but she didn't stick to it. Also at this time she was married to her husband of eight years. She then met her current boyfriend when her family moved to another town. After that her and the husband split up. Now reader ,I never said they got legally divorce so they are still married to this day while she is with another guy. In 2017, I met my lovely wife on Facebook. We had a long distance relationship for a 1.5 years. In 2018 they came over to the states and asked me to marry them and of course I said yes!! They came back over in early 2019 because we had an event plan and while they were here we had a big family dinner. Oh goodie, I would rather go to church then do this dinner. The day of the family dinner comes up and everyone is happy to meet my fiancee, Fox. Well let's get on with dinner. The whole family went and sat down, and even before we started eating, Horse insisted on saying a prayer, now I was raised Christian, but I am pagan and so is my fiancee. After that we went to the all you can eat buffet. Now my mom can't have the buffet because she has a seafood allergy (understandable) ,but Horse and Leech didn't go to the buffet because and I quote, " Oh Leech doesn't eat seafood and neither do I." In my brain I am "What?!? since when?!?" That was a lie 🤥!! She used to eat a pound of shrimp when we were the kids. As we were eating, we were talking to each other, Llama asked me, "Bunny where are you guys going to get married", and I explained that I was going to move to Ireland, (where I live now) and we are going to get married at the register office and later on we are...then Horse butt in and said, "Leech and I are getting married at the lake" All of sudden both Llama and I said,l: "Aren't you still married?!" That shut her up. Yes my reader she never got divorced , so legally she is still married. After that I finally got to say what I was going to say, "Going to have a vow renewal at Ren fest in Kansas City later on down the line." All of a sudden Horse said: "Oh there is no way Leech and I can go because Leech is a convicted CP." In my mind:" Wtf, you are my sister and you are picking a guy over my vow renewal ?!? After that , I lost all my respect for her. Like they say like mother like daughter. Would you like a part 2. Let me know!!! Thanks!!

Founding STAIND drummer Jon Wysocki died on Saturday, May 18 at the age of 53. Prior to his passing, he had reportedly having issues with his liver that required him to be under the care of medical professionals. Wysocki's death was confirmed by his bandmates in LYDIA'S CASTLE.

Hey everyone! It's been almost a year since I last shared this, but I'm excited to bring you an update with the 1.0 release! Sorry for the delay; life has been a bit of a whirlwind with brain surgery and wedding planning. Thanks for your patience!
This is a "cheat sheet" for Coral Island in Google Sheets!
You'll have view only access, so make a copy for yourself to fill in boxes as you play!
This includes all the info you need on: Offerings, Crops, Fish, Insects, Critters, Keg, Mason, Bee House, Other Artisans, Aging Barrel, Gems, and Artifacts
This does not include recipes. I may add them one day, but I'm not quite ready for that deep dive yet
Coral Island Cheat Sheet

“What defines virtue and how are we to gauge it? An inquiry that reverberates through epochs, its answer as fickle and capricious as the fates of those who deem to ask it. Duty, honor, justice - many over the ages would name these virtues, the conduits through which noble intentions find expression. Yet, as the battlefield of beliefs unfolds, a legion emerges, each as sworn to these principles as to obliterating all who would dare stake alike claim. Thus, battles rage and wars are waged and, in the end, those who are left are no more right than those fell by the blade. Alas, it is the victors whose ideals are etched into monuments for posterity. Except even words chiseled in unyielding stone are fated to fade in time. So is the wicked cycle destined to repeat in all its futility, its ephemeral prize seized again, only to be lost and sought anew. Try and picture, if for but a moment, a world where our rulers paused to reflect on the lessons of yore. They, too, would discern the elixir that enables one to escape the confines of memory—the very burden our fleeting nature forbids us to carry. Progress and evolution. Adaptability and transcendence. Everlasting and yet not stagnant, irrefutable, and yet fluid, these are the only true virtues. Thus, must we ever venture into the uncharted and unfamiliar for only from these unexplored domains may the truly virtuous arise.”
Where: Discord (Video and Voice) + FoundryVTT
When: every Saturday 5 - 9/10 pm GMT+1 (CET), 11 am - 3/4 pm EST
Who: party of 4 players and a DM seeking one extra player
Updates: Recruitment updates will be posted here.
Hello there and well met! If you’ve made it past the flavor text (or skipped it) and through the basic info (hopefully didnt skip past that one) you might very well be at the right address! Without further ado onto the post.

🐲The campaign🐲

Having only just recovered from the Second Sundering and the War of the Silver Marches, the North had been ravaged by a whole new set of tumultuous events - the rise of the Cult of the Dragon and that of the Absolute, the Fall of Eltruel and the short reign of the beholder crime lord Xanathar just some among them. After a brief respite from the twisted and the unnatural the clouds once more begin to gather. Along the Long Road, whole hosts of wild beasts and monsters have been accosting travelers seemingly at random and in the grand metropolis of Waterdeep a sudden rise in crime seems to coincide with strange events passing unnoticed beneath the surface. Amidst all this, in spring of 1493 DR, a party of adventurers delves into a mystery of enchanted gemstones being utilized to nefarious ends by unknown perpetrators all the while navigating the labyrinthine twists of city faction politics.
As implied by the post title, this is an ongoing campaign (we are 12 sessions in at the time of this post). Due to some irl commitments weve recently dropped a player and are looking to replace them.
As the title suggests, this is a roleplay focused mystery/lore driven campaign. Expect an overreaching plot with ample secrets to uncover, conspiracies to unravel and eldritch truths to unearth. The first word of the password is "Doth". On the same level of importance or more important even be that the players preference, there is a variety of subplots to engage with, from small and goofy and random to ones rivaling the main story arc in complexity and variance. Among these, individual character story arcs play a leading role, at times seamlessly intertwined with the current focus of the party, at times separate and independent.
As was already mentioned and is further described below, this is a roleplay focused campaign and a roleplay heavy game. This means that roleplay exists as a unifying concept for all other aspects of the game including exploration, combat, and puzzles. That said DnD is only DnD with all three of its main pillars intact and this campaign is no exception in that regard. I very much enjoy the mechanical side of the game as well besides roleplay and so things like multiphase boss fights and custom magic items are definitely on the table.

🧙‍♂️The DM🧙‍♂️

Hello there, Jay here, 25 yo law student from Central Europe currently working on finishing his master’s degree, trying to stay afloat in the current lease market. I study and work in a law firm by day and DM or play DnD by night (more like evening but night sounded cooler). I have been a big fan of TTRPGs since my early teens and of online DnD for the past five years. I’ve DMed multiple campaigns, finished CoS not least among them and I currently play in a long-term campaign. Before you ask, yes, my schedule is strained but not to the point I am unable to engage with my hobbies.
I would describe my DMing style as driven, realistic, and involved but also very conscious about player agency and collaborative storytelling as core values that make TTRPGs so popular and unique. I spend a lot of time ensuring the worlds I create and the stories I want to tell feel alive. From hand-picked music, to fully voiced NPCs and scenic descriptions designed to breathe life into the campaign setting I daresay my games rival in quality those of the professional DMs that charge for each session.
There is a drawback to this all however. Second word of the password is "thy". I expect a lot from my players as well. Writing a story in DnD is not a one person job. It takes a collective effort of the entire group to create something truly unique, something that one can be proud while looking forward to each session. Unwinding and letting off steam means something else for everyone. For me it means losing myself in the creative process of roleplaying an NPC or describing a scene, watching my players masterfully portray their own characters or having the party derail my plans in an awesome unforeseen and unexpectedly enriching way. If you find yourself in any of what I just described than this may be a game for you. If you don’t, that’s fine. This is definitely not a game for everyone.

🏰The setting🏰

Forgotten Realms is a default setting of Dungeons and Dragons but it is anything but boring and mundane. With now decades worth of lore behind it, it offers an unparalleled opportunity for anyone wanting to build on solid foundations to bring their ideas to life. While it has garnered a lot of attention lately with the release of a certain videogame (more people now know Astarion than a good amount of Hollywood celebrities I’d say) it has had its loyal following even before then, being constantly expanded and living its own life in a host of both online and home games. It’s been a natural choice of mine for a while now and not once have I had any regrets. The third word of the password is "mirror". I feel with how great of a variety of content the Forgotten Realms offer everybody is able to pick something that suits their creative vision. In summary the Forgotten Realms almost feel like a real place with how much worldbuilding has been done with them and offer a diversity of content few other TTRPG settings can boast.
When it comes to setting of the campaign in the world of Faerun I have once again made a somewhat traditional pick and decided to place the onset of the game onto the Sword Coast, more precisely into the city of Waterdeep. If one of the key upsides of Forgotten Realms is diversity of content, Waterdeep is one of the best representations of this. Being the largest settlement on the known Faerun, Waterdeep offers nigh limitless options in terms of main story arc genre, character creation and character backstory implementation. It has everything every large TTRPG settlement ought to have (fickle upper class, enigmatic factions, quaint taverns and extravagant nightclubs, always in bad mood city watch, a castle and a harbor) as well as few pretty original ideas such as colossal definitely not alive statues, a city council where even its members don’t know each other’s identity and a massive dungeon right underneath the city where you can literally fall right from a tavern taproom.
In case you are wondering, while this campagn takes place primarily in the city of Waterdeep itself, there is nothing stopping the players from exploring past the city if they so choose. The final word of the password is "crack?". Different parts of the main plot and various subplots can and will encourage the party to explore Waterdeep environs and sometimes even further.

📃The requirements📃

No exceptions here. Unless otherwise stated, the requirements must be met at the time of application.

• to apply you need to be 20+ yo
• you need a functioning webcam (at the time of application) and a stable internet connection - we will be using both video and voice on discord and as a general rule Wifi doesn’t handle long video calls well (believe me when I say I speak from experience) so cable or other similar form of stable connection is strongly encouraged
• you need a Discord account and you will need a Forge account - Forge is a hosting service for Foundry, don’t worry, you won’t need to input any personal info (besides maybe an email) to register and I will be footing the bill
• you need a PC that can and will run Foundry Virtual Tabletop - check the minimum requirements on the Foundry website, a fair warning, Foundry won’t run on tablets and phones (not that you should consider those in the first place)
• you need at least an elementary knowledge of Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition - when it comes to the awareness of the rules, I won’t be too harsh, but definitely don’t apply if the first time you’ve seen the PHB was a week ago
• you need TTRPG/roleplay experience and/or a very strong roleplay inclination - this is a heavy roleplay game where most if not all ingame talk will be done in character and where you will be expected to voice your character in a way that is distinct from your standard voice
• you will need to be very punctual when it comes to session attendance - I expect my players to attend most if not all sessions, online or not, this campaign is a designed as a longterm commitment and by applying you are acknowledging this, having other hobbies and time-consuming real-life obligations is understandable (I got those too) but those 4-5 hours you will be expected to set aside for the session

🙋‍♂️How to sign up🙋‍♀️

Youve made it all the way to the end of this long post. Congratulations. Or maybe you’ve skipped all the way to the end. In that case I strongly recommended you go back. If not to learn what you are applying for than to make sure you haven’t missed something very important. Now if you are confident that you have what it takes and that this is a game that you could have a lot of fun with, please fill the below attached google questionnaire (if for any strange reason the link doesn’t end up working, please let me know in the comments under this post) and if fortune favors you, I shall get back to you promptly. Best of luck to you and I hope to speak to you soon!
https://forms.gle/5kc4RbwavJPfT8PD9
______________________________________
PS: As a part of the questionnaire, you will be asked to submit a short piece of your narrative writing in a form of a google doc link (not a custom piece of writing, any relevant past one you have will do). Maybe best have that ready beforehand? On that note, dont apply for the game with a detailed backstory of a character you want to play that you arent willing to adapt to the conditions of the setting/campaign.
PSS: Not to discourage you but if you do make it through the questionnaire and into the second group of applicants you will be asked to do a discord interview with your webcam turned on. I am asking you to go through a lot for a game you might not even end up liking I know, but if you do end up liking it, all this effort will be well worth it as I am sure my other players would agree.

I work out of a branch with too much everything (the downtown site of a city with a lot of homeless, mental health, and drug abuse issues) a summary is here: https://www.reddit.com/Libraries/comments/1bho810/tales_from_a_downtown_library/
A new regular however has been the source of the topic recently.
an older man who is probably around 80 has been in at least twice a week for the last month, he's actually kind of hard to write out due to most of the interactions I know are short, frustrating, and mostly nonsense, but my first experience with him dose a decent job:
He comes to my basement-level reference area where I mostly am alone, requesting tech assistance and the use of a public computer, immediately there are some pretty interesting quirks some age-related like blatantly ignoring instructions, typing o's instead of #0, seemingly forgetting very common applications, swiping at the screen like it's an iPad and the other issue:
He's trying to get information from his bank account, the library has a strict policy that I agree with that once we are on the main page of the bank's website we do not go any further with them, I have nothing to do with login going through the site whatever is needed because it's a huge liability and none of our business.
He has no idea how online banking works and I think doesn't understand online accounts at all (despite having an email and Facebook that's been shown in later interactions) and thinks if you type name and card number into separate boxes it will magically give you all banking information including air miles what he wanted again I should not know this he announced to me and anyone in the room, so good forbid someone with malicious intent help him in a public branch well know to have issues.
another patron comes for my assistance and she's kind of intense as well, this is now already burning me out between the two, and when he's up here again hovering at the front nose practically pressed to the glass the only thing separating us in an obvious attempt to get the most attention and quickly (like I'm dealing with a toddler that doesn't want to wait until you finish a phone call) I am shorter than before stating there are other patron's I need to serve as well he is not first in line now, the response is very childish and rudder muttering under his breath for while I'm still working with her that her question isn't important and not worth the time., she's more patient after that defending your right to service will do that for some.
the same bs continues and we get nowhere because he literally can't get anywhere without another pretty much taking the mouse and doing it, to the shock of no one hes been scammed badly before, and get this won't call the bank to get information because they ask too Meany questions for personal information and cannot understand they are the one place that should.
I am over it and get my coworker so I dont scream, he's the one who runs Makerspace and is very techy and tries in vain to explain sometimes a different person with a slightly different way helps it dose not worse. I have had 2 tech issues experiences I've called someone else to handle or lose it on a patron the first took nearly 50 minutes this guy took 15.
hes has since been in several times and is worse in a way something is wrong mainly suspected dementia due to age and not making a lot of sense won't acknowledge people's suggestions and common interactions include "Why won't you help me" *what do you need* "the government is _________, school is _____ nonsensical mutter, social security ___________ nonsensical mutter, the 1960s are _______ nonsensical mutter"
until 4 days ago we did not even know he was bilingual until a page of paper to the glass (upstairs thankfully with 2 staff and more witnesses) and started demanding things in French had been band for the weekend for tone, building a case for a longer ban that has to be approved.

This came to be a lot longer than anticipated lol. I saw this reel of Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/reel/813824447478250?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V&mibextid=xCPwDs
I thought nothing of this until she gets to the part about interplanetary souls, souls that were created outside of the Earth realm. I randomly bursted into tears.
I remember growing up and just observing everyone. My parents and sibling were very emotionally disturbed and serious mental illness has always ran in my family. My family was abusive and as a child, I would honestly just look at them. Observe them. Their impatience, aggression, preoccupations about man-made systems that didn’t actually have meaning was so confusing, yet interesting.
I became a therapist and dedicated my life to helping other people shift their perspectives, introspectively explore their identities, and accept the intense spectrum of human emotion. You don’t really learn that in grad school, or even in trainings for that matter. The ability has always come easily to me. Maybe because it had to growing up. I fail in so many parts of life continuously, which I feel is because the system just doesn’t make sense. This one thing is the ONLY thing I’m good at and I’ve always cultivated safety for just about anyone who walks in my path. It’s literally something I feel I HAVE to do.
The human experience always fascinated me. She discussed how interplanetary souls STRUGGLE. The constant vibration of my anxiety has shaped my life. From being abused as a child to acknowledging that I have to live through Earth’s misalignment, I’d always been disturbed by how much I felt grief for human suffering and self-destruction.
She mentions in the video that interplanetary souls are more likely to watch the sky or observe the planets. NO. WAY. As a child, from nightfall to sunrise, from the crickets to the 5am wild birdsong, I’d watch the moon and the stars around it for HOURS, to the point I’d get screamed at for not sleeping and talking to the moon. I’d open my window and just watch. I’d even sneak out (at age 7) to walk to the park because it was so much easier to see the stars. I still to this day, can go an entire day without sleeping and feel fine. I can’t do it consecutively, but I have been and always will be a night owl.
It could be pure coincidence. My characteristics could be the outcome of childhood abuse and neglect, dissociation and misplaced responsibility to help others to compensate for the upbringing I didn’t have. Maybe it is selfish to believe I am something more. But it makes more sense than not.
From age 8-22, my name being called out of mid air, probably about 9 times total. The voice was kind and enthusiastic, altering from masculine to feminine. It only ever said my name. I thought I was crazy until 3 different people heard it in 3 separate occasions. I was so used to the voice, but uncomfortable watching the blood drain from friends’ faces. I felt terrible that it scared them. A medium once told me it only called for me when I needed it. I haven’t heard it myself since I was about 11 years old. Perhaps it was a guardian angel.

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DISCLAIMER : LONG RAMBLING (ngl, very tempted on that non judgement flair, im a coward)
I gonna said it guys, Kaizen is way too overhated and the hate towards him is unwarranted
also, this is strictly novel only, because tbh I don't like how the manhwa portrays Kaizen. and spoilers.
now truthfully does Astelle (FML) deserve a better ML (not Seibel, just a random village guy) or just stay single? yes lol
I come to this conclusion not because of Kaizen but rather I felt that Astelle would prefers the countryside life more than being an empress.
And now onto Kaizen. From the hate comments i had seen towards him, I conclude that people are just traumatized from Sovieshu's shenanigans and how the this story and the Remaried Empress have similar premise which I can see why people would lumped them all together.
And this story opening up with Kaizen divorcing Astelle after literally the day their wedding night \ahaha* do not help at all.
Ya okay, this part on why the fuck Kaizen choose the worst time to divorce Astelle is really something that I can't defend (the author prob just use it to ramp up the drama i guess lol)
But, i do can defend on why the divorce had to happened. For those uninformed, its a plot device that it is an obligation emperor and empress must consummate their marriage even though the couple can choose to use protection (??) and the plot twist comes in that dundundun Kaizen's dad is dead literally the next day thus Kaizen's emperor reigns began.
From the flashbacks, we can see that Kaizen from the young age have always being wary of any potential threats to the throne and ironically the girl (Astelle) he was betrothed to was the daughter of said threat. So the boi had been planning to get rid those threats once he got that emperor power which also includes Astelle unfortunately.
Now, that does means Kaizen despises Astelle? No. At worst, he just wary of her knowing full well she is just a puppet to her father. If he does despise her, he could just kill her on the spot the moment he becomes the emperor.
Kaizen in a way does see Astelle as someone who is in the same predicament and Astelle who never confessed her feelings make him assumed that her feelings toward him is the same as him.
Which lead to him doing to what I can say to worse thing he done to Astelle. A very angsty teenage boi ignoring and avoiding his fiancee for their entire childhood. So surprise 2X, he doesn't know much about Astelle despite basically growing up together. And of course, he gonna assume that Astelle like stereo typically any upper class lady stuff.
Now onward to post-divorce. He did tried to give compensation to Astelle after learning that she had been kick out by her OG family and of course Astelle heartbroken, understandably rejected it which make him assume that Astelle found a decent life elsewhere.
ok now i gonna list down things i appreciated about Kaizen after did i mentioned that i binged read this novel 3 times?

1. Bro is completely and painfully aware that Astelle do not like him. So yes, he's aware that divorcing literally after the wedding night is a total dick move. So he never does force or blackmail Astelle (the divorce was mutually agreed) but just took every chance to dragged out the trip so he can hopefully convinced Astelle to stay.

Heck, he even tried to give Astelle and her new family free mansion in the capital because he's aware that Astelle is near to zero chance would want to be an empress so at least he could watch over her. (so close, so far FR lol)

1. He's very straightforward. He would always confessed that he does feel jealousy when Astelle is having good time with any other man. And expressed disappointment when Astelle wouldn't understandably trust him.
   
2. He's not completely down bad for Astelle. While most of the story Kaizen would say yes to Astelle including when Astelle is planning to work together with her father aka the worst threat to Kaizen. Kaizen doesn't let Astelle completely clouded his judgment when she request her very sick maternal grandpa and her young nephew back to the poor countryside which yah doesn't really made sense in Kaizen's POV. And he did hilariously a petty revenge on Astelle by stealing away Theo (post-reveal) by convinced Theo to sleep at the Emperor's Palace instead for a night.
   

Also, I'm not joking 99% of Astelle and Kaizen's interactions ended up Astelle hilariously rejects any Kaizen's advances. (MLs despair and desperation after got rejected by FMLs just tickled me pink for some reason. Literally why i fuckin love these type of tropes lol) And much to our beloved FML dismay, just like her stubbornness. Kaizen stubbornly would not back down.
Now this arc got me emotional the most so i gonna ramble about it.
Onward to the post-"Theo is revealed to br Kaizen's son" arc, Astelle agreed to be the empress again due to some politics stuff that I didn't remember on the condition that Kaizen must agreed to divorce her after 3-5 years later with no strings attached. (like she's had enough lmao) then the maternal grandpa accidentally reveal Astelle's former crush to Kaizen that just give even more emotional dmg to Kaizen which just lead to him to say fuck this and allowed Astelle to leave anytime she wants (and gift her a castle and even the entire East region) with the promised that he would not remarried and Theo will succeed him as the emperor. then he got poisoned. DUNDUNDUN
Now, Astelle could have just took this fine opportunity to leave but of course she didn't and Kaizen while in and out of consciousness, said "i gonna die, huh? welp rn i wanna write my last will to give all of my authority to Astelle". Bro already accepted his fate ヽ(*。>Д<)o゜. and when Astelle said to please recover quickly for Theo and for her, Kaizen literally said, "Wait, you actually want to save me?" gahhhhhhhhh angsttt gyahhhhhhh
OK FINE, i be honest, i'm just here to let out my fangirl moments (no friends moment frfr) I do not expect this incoherent ramblings of a mess would change anyone's mind lol.
on my first read of the novel (back to the ex is my guilty troupe kek) , I literally do not care about Kaizen, thinking he just a whatever ML but after looking at the comments that just 90% shitting on him even multiple times comparing to the likes of GRADE A-HOLE, Sovieshu made me thinking, he's not that bad tho, convinced to re-read again the novel and again for good measure hehe. And the guy (as evidence from the mess of an essay) warmed up to me.
As you can see, i really do like this novel. (just shows what my standards are ehe)

1. top tier FML (I don't really care for children so sorry Theo)
   
2. small cast of characters and small world building, at least make me remember all of them upon my binge read.
   
3. Politics is understandable and doesn't felt it doesn't dragged out that much.
   
4. I don't why ppl kept thinking Seibel is the 2nd ML when bro is introduced much later part of the novel. so thankfully no fuckin love triangle.
   
5. Don't really care much about Astelle mom's past B-plot tho
   

8/10

I’m 24 and am looking to gain a few friends my age (men and women) and get out more. Does anyone know of any groups specifically for meeting up I could join? Already in GOAT on Facebook :)
Examples of cool things:
biking groups other than crank arm (already go there) -slower pace options are better Crafting Playing pool Hiking/walking Trying new foods/restaurants Groups that go on outings around the triangle
~Thanks in advance~

"You gotta know that there's an art to it, Ezra," Hitch said, cutting another piece of duct tape.
The sleeves of his weather-beaten coat were shoved all the way up his arms, to stop the fabric from falling over his knuckles while he was working, and goosebumps lined his skin. He was strapping a rubber chicken to the back of his truck, over the lens of the shattered backup camera, with the legs pointing down so that they hung a couple inches above the ground. There were dents in the hood from the crash last week, and scratches along the door from scraping into a curb. The chicken, hopefully, would keep him from breaking anything else.
"You can't go cheap," Hitch said. "The cheap rubber chickens only make noise when pressure lets go. That's no good. As soon as I back up into something, I want this chicken to be screaming like it’s in the depths of hell."
“Sure thing,” I said in a monotone, leaning against the side of the truck.
There were scrambled electronic parts piled in the back of the truck, the innards of a radio, a broken computer, tangled wires, a couple loose pairs of earbuds. He found the parts in alleyways or bummed them off his friends for a couple bucks or stole them from the vacation homes that were left empty for most of the year. Then he sold them for a profit at the scrapyard. Hitch had bounced between minimum-wage jobs for a while after high school, spending a couple months as a bagger at the grocery store or as a seasonal worker at the farm two hours down the highway. He'd never stuck with it. At the very least, the scrapyard got him enough money to eat and occasionally spend a night in a motel when he got tired of sleeping in his car.
Hitch pressed the last piece of tape in place and grinned up at me. "I've got something for you, duck."
The nickname came from when I’d broken my leg as a child and waddled around in a cast until it was healed. I hated it with a burning passion, and I glared at Hitch with the ease of twenty-one years of practice. He had a duck tattoo at the base of his thumb that he’d gotten in a back-alley shop as a teenager. He said that he’d gotten it to remind him of me, and the fact that I hated the nickname was just a bonus. It was shaky-lined, with an uneven face, but he loved it anyway.
The handle stuck when Hitch tried to open the door, a consequence of the rust collecting in the crevices of the car and running down the sides like blood from a cut. The car groaned when the door finally popped open, a metal against metal screech that had me flinching away. Hitch dug through the cluttered fast food containers in the passenger-side footwell, eventually coming up with a crinkly paper bag. He waved away the flies buzzing around the opening of the bag and held it out to me.
The last time Hitch had brought me food, I’d gotten food poisoning because he’d left it out in the midday sun for two days. The donut was squished slightly, and the icing was stuck to the bag. I still ate it, grimacing at the harsh citrus flavor. Taking Hitch’s food was an instinct engraved from the days when Dad had given us a can of kidney beans for dinner and Hitch had drank the juice, leaving the beans for me.
I rarely went hungry anymore, three mostly square meals a day and granola in my pockets just in case, but habits didn’t die easy.
These days, Hitch only brought me food when he wanted my help, like when he saw a place he wanted to hit but was worried about doing it alone.
I got in the car, like I always did.
We drove past the cluster of seafood-themed restaurants with chipped paint decks, the beachfront park where there were always shifty-eyed men sitting under the slide, the single room library where all the books had been water damaged in the flood last year. The change was quick as we drove across Main Street, heading closer to the beach. The roads were freshly paved, the concrete a smooth black except where the sun had already started to pick away at it. The three-story homes lining the sides of the street were crouched on elegant stilts, with space underneath for a car or three. Most of the garages were empty, with the lights off and curtains drawn in the house. Come summer, the streets would be swarming with tourists and vacationers, but until then, most of the buildings nearest to the beach were unoccupied.
Hitch stopped as the sun started to go down at a house that was leaning precariously out towards the beach, tilted ever so slightly, the edge of its foundation buried in the shifting sand of the beach. It certainly looked deserted, with an overgrown yard and blue paint peeling off the door in sheets.
Hitch took his hammer out of the backseat, hoisting it over his shoulder. It was two feet of solid metal with rags wrapped around the head to muffle the sound of the hits. Hitch squared up, bending his knees and holding the hammer like a baseball bat. Before he could swing, though, the door creaked open on its own, the hinges squeaking. The house beyond was dark enough that I could only make out general shapes, glimpsing the curve of a sofa to the left, what was maybe the shimmer of a chandelier on the other side.
Hitch lowered his hammer, looking vaguely disappointed that he didn’t get to use it. “That’s…weird as hell.”
“Maybe the deadbolt broke, maybe they forgot to lock it, it doesn’t matter,” I hissed, checking our surroundings for other people again. “Just hurry up and get inside before someone calls the cops.”
Hitch flicked the lightswitch on the wall, and the lights flickered on. They were dim, buzzing audibly and blinking off occasionally. The walls were plastered with contrasting swatches of wallpaper and splattered with random colors. There was neon orange behind the dining table, a galaxy swirl in the kitchen, and on the ceiling there was a repeating floral pattern covered in nametag stickers. Each of the stickers was filled out with The Erlking. Chandeliers hung in every room, three or four for each, and rubber ducks sat on every table. A miniature carousel sat in the corner along with a towering model rocket.
Sand was heaped on every surface, at least a couple inches everywhere. It was piled in the corners and stuck to the walls, and it covered the floor in a thick blanket. Our hesitant steps into the house left footprints clearly outlined in the sand.
Hitch took a cursory look around and headed immediately for the TV mounted on the wall. “Look out the windows and tell me if anyone is coming.”
I shook the sand out of the blinds and pulled them open, then had to brush sand off of the window before I could see anything.
Hitch was quick, practiced at finding and appropriating the things that were worth taking. He came back to me with an armful of electronics and chandeliers, dumping it at my feet before turning to head deeper into the house again.
There was a thump, somewhere upstairs, and then footsteps, slow and deliberate. Hitch froze at the threshold of the room, then ran for the door with me just ahead of him, sand flying out from under our feet.
My hand was almost brushing the doorknob, close enough that I could see the light from the streetlamp outside streaming in through the cracks in the door. My fingers touched the wood and it gave under my touch, becoming malleable and warm. I yelped, stumbling backwards, and the door started to melt. The paint ran down in thick drops, pooling at the bottom of the door, and the wood warped like metal being welded. The soft edges of the door ran into the walls until there was no sign of an exit ever being there.
“Well, well, well,” said a cultured voice with just an edge of snooty elitism. “What do we have here?”
The man was well over eight feet tall, with long black hair covering his eyes. He was wearing a yellow raincoat with holes cut out of the hood to accommodate the deer antlers jutting upwards from his head. There was sand settled on his shoulders and hovering around his head like a halo.
“Who the fuck are you?” Hitch said, inching towards a window.
He smiled, just a little bit, and his teeth shone in the dim light. “I am the Erlking.”
Hitch nodded, and seemed about to respond. I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him towards the window. I could feel sand in the wind roaring against my back as the Erlking growled in anger, the grains scraping harshly against my cheeks.
We were almost to the window when Hitch was ripped away from me, and I came to a startled halt. The sand had formed long grasping arms that pressed Hitch against the floral wallpaper. His wrists were held tight, and as I watched, a sandy hand wrapped around his mouth and forced its way between his teeth. He gagged, and sand trickled out of the corners of his mouth.
The Erlking strolled towards him, not seeming to be in any sort of rush. “You know, I’m not very fond of your yapping.”
He made an idle gesture and the sand wrapped around my ankles, tethering me in place.
“I yap all the time,” Hitch said. “Three-time olympic yapper, that’s me. Best to just let me go now and save yourself some trouble.”
The Erlking tapped a manicured nail against Hitch’s mouth, hard enough to hurt, judging by the way he flinched away. “But why would I ever let you go when I’ve gone to this much trouble to catch you and your sister? It’s so hard, these days, to find people that no one will miss.”
Hitch struggled against the sand, trying to escape and failing. “What do you want with us, then? You just said it, we’re nobody.”
“I’m fae, dear one,” the Erlking said. “I get my power from my followers. And I think that you two will make lovely additions to my flock.”

He flicked Hitch's nose and Hitch gasped. Feathers started to form on his arms, popping out from under his skin in a spray of blood.
Hitch pushed off the wall, using his bound hands as a fulcrum, and his knees crashed into the Erlking’s stomach. The Erlking fell backwards, wheezing, and the sand around my ankles loosened.
Hitch made desperate eye contact with me as feathers shot up his neck and jerked his head towards the window. The message was obvious. Run.
The last thing I saw before crashing out the window and into freedom was Hitch’s body twisting, his arms wrenching into wings and feathers covering every inch of his skin. By the time I landed on the concrete outside, he was a small black bird, held tightly in the Erlking’s hands. The whole building was sinking into the ground, burnished-gold sand piling up over top and streaming from the windows.
Thirty years later, I saw Sam’s Supernatural Consultation and Neutralization written in neat, looping handwriting on a piece of paper taped to the door. The tape was peeling at the corners and the paper was yellowed with age, but there was obviously care put into the sign, in its perfectly centered text and looping floral designs drawn over the edges in gold marker.
I knocked, hesitantly, drawing my woolen coat closer around my shoulders. I’d bought it as a fiftieth birthday gift for myself, and I took comfort in the heavy weight of it over my shoulders.
“Coming!” someone called from within the depths of the office.
There were a couple crashes, and the sound of paper shuffling. Eventually, the door was opened by a young woman with ketchup stains on her shirt and pencils stuck through her hair.
“Hi, I’m Sam, I specialize in supernatural consultation and hunting, how may I help you today?” Sam said, customer-service pep in her voice. She stood in the doorway, solidly blocking entry into the office.
“My name is Ezra, I’m for a consultation. I emailed you but you didn’t respond?” I shifted in place, suddenly feeling awkward.
“Oh! Yeah, I lost the password for the email ages ago. Sorry for the bad welcome, I get lots of people thinking I’m crazy or pulling a prank and harassing me.”
She ushered me into the office, clearing papers off one of the chairs to make room for me to sit down. There was a collection of swords along one wall, all of them polished to perfection, several with deep knicks in the metal which indicated that they’d been used heavily.
“So what can I help you with?” Sam asked again, more sincere this time.
“Thirty years ago, my brother was turned into a bird,” I started. I’d told this story so many times that it barely felt ridiculous to say anymore. I was used to the disbelieving looks, the careful pity. But Sam just nodded along, face open and welcoming.
“I’ve almost given up on finding him, at this point,” I said. “But I saw your ad in the newspaper, and…here I am, I suppose.”
“Here you are,” Sam echoed, smiling. She pulled one of the pencils out of her hair and took a bit of paperwork off of one of her stacks, turning it over so that the blank side sat neatly in front of her. “Tell me everything.”
I told Sam everything, and she wrote it all down, pencil scratching along the paper.
The last part of the story was always the hardest to tell. “I left him there. I ran and I didn’t look back.”
I had been to dozens of detectives and investigators over the years, once the police had dropped Hitch’s case. I’d been to professional offices with smartly-dressed secretaries and met scraggly men in coffee shops. All of them had given me the same look, pity and annoyance all mixed up into a humor-the-crazy-lady soup. Sam, though, just seemed thoughtful.
Sam leaned forward and put a hand over mine, carefully, like she thought that I would pull away. “Sometimes you have to leave people behind.”
I tightened her hold on Sam’s hand and drew it towards me, like I could make Sam listen if only I squeezed tight enough. “But that’s why I’m here. I don’t want to leave him behind.”
“Okay then. I’ll do my best to help you.” Sam agreed, finally. Then she paused, and said softly, “You know…I think I met your brother once. He might have saved my life. He’s certainly why I started in this business.”
“Really? What happened?” I asked.
This is the story that Sam told me, related to the best of my abilities:
It was a new moon, so the only illumination came from the stars gazing idly down and distant porch lights shining across the scraggly brush of the dunes. Sam’s neighbors were decent people who cared about baby turtles, so the lights were a low, unobtrusive red, and the ocean sloshed like blood. Sam walked on the beach almost every night, drawing back the gauzy pink curtains and clambering out her bedroom window. She didn’t often bother to be quiet; her mama worked the late shift and came home exhausted. As long as Sam got home before the sun, her mama would never find out that she paced the shoreline and dreamed of inhaling sand until her lungs became their own beach.
The sky was lightening. The sun would come up soon, and that meant Sam’s time on the beach was over. She needed to get back to her real life, go to her fifth grade class and stop that nonsense, as her mother would say. Her mother loved to say things like that, pushing Sam into her proper place by implication alone.
“She’s a good kid, of course, but she’s a bit…” Her mother would trail off there, usually getting a commiserating expression from whoever she was talking to. Sam always wondered how that sentence would have finished. She’s a bit strange, maybe. She’s a bit intense. She’s a bit abrasive. She’s quiet enough but when Jason tried to steal her pencil in math class, she stabbed him in the hand so hard that the lead tattooed him.
Her mother was better, for the most part. The days of her stocking up the fridge, and leaving a post-it note on the counter, and leaving for days at a time were gone. But Sam still stepped around the place on the kitchen tile where her mother had collapsed and caved her head in, even though the bloodstains had been replaced with new tile.
“Your auntie got an abortion, you know,” her mother had said from her place on the couch, slurring her words. “Pill in the mail and then bam, no more baby.”
She had clapped her hands together to illustrate her point. Her mother jerked forward and grabbed Sam by the wrist, then, staring up at her until Sam met her eyes.
“I love you, you know? But sometimes I wonder…” She settled back onto the couch. “Yeah. I wonder.”
She’d gotten up, then, back to the kitchen. She’d been stumbling, a shambling zombie of a woman. The ground in the entryway of the kitchen was raised, ever so slightly, and her mother went down hard. Her head cracked against the tile, chin first, and she didn’t move.
Sam had been the one to call the ambulance. She had stared at the scattering of loose teeth on the ground while she waited, and considered what her life would be like with a dead mom. Not so bad, she thought, and immediately felt guilty for it.
Her mom was better, now, for the most part. But Sam still stepped around the place on the kitchen floor where she had collapsed. There was still a matchbox hidden under her bed with the gleaming shine of her mother’s lost teeth, two canines and a molar. It was nice, having a piece of her mom to keep. Even if she left again, Sam would still have part of her.
Sam sighed, and turned away from the ocean. As she faced towards the low dunes further up the beach, she saw a sandcastle sitting nestled among them. It was such a strange sight that her eyes skipped over it at first, almost automatically, disregarding it because it was so out of place.
Sam found sandcastles out on the beach sometimes, usually half-collapsed and on the verge of being washed away by the waves, but she had never seen anything like the sandcastle in front of her. It was life-sized, something that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the Scottish highlands, with spires shooting up above her head and carefully etched out bricks lining each side. The front wall was dominated by an arched set of double doors, twice her height, with a portcullis nestled at the top, ready to be dropped. All of it was lovingly detailed, down to the rust on the tips of the towers and the wood grain of the door. It was made out of wet, densely-packed sand, held together impossibly. It had not been there two hours ago, when she had come to the beach.
There was a bird sitting on the overhang of the door, small and black.
As soon as she took a step towards the sandcastle, the bird shook out its feathers and swooped down towards Sam, landing at her feet with a little stumble.
“Hey, kid, get out of here,” said the bird.
Sam closed her eyes, very deliberately. When she opened them, the bird was still there. Sam considered herself a very reasonable person, so she immediately drew the most logical conclusion. The bird was, she was almost certain, a demon.
“Trust me, you don’t want to run into Mr. Salty, the queen bitch himself,” the bird said.
“Mr. Salty?” Sam inquired, polite as she knew how to be. She edged to the side, trying to get a good angle to kick the bird like a soccer ball.
The bird did something similar to a wince, all its feathers fluffing up then settling back down. “Ah, don’t call him that. He’d turn you into a toad.”
The bird gestured with its head, towards the looming sand structure. “That’s his castle. He’s in there, probably scuttling along the ceiling or some shit because that’s the sort of weirdo he is.”
Sam nodded, encouraging. She pulled back her foot and lined up her shot, the way she’d seen athletes do on TV. She aimed right for its sharp beak and let loose. The bird saw it coming, its beady eyes widening, and it cawed in distress. It flapped away, avoiding her kick only to fall backward into the sand in a scramble of wings.
“What’s your fucking problem?” it squawked. “I was trying to help you!”
“I don’t need the help of a demon,” Sam yelled, trying to remember the exorcism that her mama had taught her once, because her mama believed in being prepared for anything.
“I’m not a demon,” the bird said indignantly.
It was at about that moment that Sam gave up and just decided to roll with it.
“What are you, then?” Sam asked.
The bird shuffled its clawed feet, looking about as awkward as it could, given that it didn’t really have recognizable facial expressions. “Technically I’m a familiar of the Erlking, prince of the fae, but I prefer to be called Hitch.”
“You can’t blame me for assuming, though,” Sam said. “Ravens do tend to be associated with murder.”
“Hey, excuse you,” Hitch said. “I’m a rook, not a raven. Ravens are way bigger.”
“Sure,” Sam said, not really paying attention. Her eyes had caught on the details of the sandcastle, and she was transfixed by the slow spirals of the sand, the strange beauty of it. She found herself stepping towards the great doors, lifting a hand to knock, and as she did, the sand warped in front of her eyes, heaving itself towards her with bulging slowness. The door creaked open before her, revealing a vast, empty room. Just before she stepped inside, she felt a piercing pain in her foot, and she yelped, leaping backwards.
Hitch pecked her again, really digging his beak in. “Don’t be an idiot.”
Sam glared at him, rubbing her foot. About to retort, she finally really took in the room inside the sandcastle, and her words died in her throat.
There was a body just past the threshold of the door, face down and limbs hanging limp at its sides. Long hair splayed out in a halo around its head.
“Don’t,” Hitch warned, suddenly serious. “Just leave, kid, I mean it. I’ve seen too many people go down this road and you don’t want to be one of them.”
Sam ignored him. She made her way across the beach, slipping with every step. The sand felt deeper, piling up around her feet in silent drifts. She picked up the nearest stick and poked the body with it through the door, ready to leap back if anything went wrong, staying firmly outside of the sandcastle.
This close, Sam could tell that it used to be a woman. Her head wasn’t attached to her body. It hadn’t been a clean amputation, either. Her upper body was bruised, with chunks taken out of it, and the bones in her neck hung mangled, not connected to anything.
“Well, I warned you,” Hitch said, defeated. “I did warn you.”
Sam nudged the head with the end of the stick, nudging it over so that she could see the face. Her mother stared back at her, torn to pieces, breath still wheezing from her lungs. She wasn’t blinking, just gazing forward with glazed eyes. Sweat dripped down from her hairline.
Sam screamed and dropped the stick, tripping over herself in her haste to get away.
Her mother’s eyes were wide and pleading, and she was mouthing desperate words at Sam. Her vocal cords were broken to bits, and the only sound that came out was a strained groan.
The head rolled, inching closer to Sam like a grotesque caterpillar.
Her mother gasped for air, torn lips fluttering. Finally, comprehensible words came out. “Help. Help me, daughter.”
“That’s not your mother,” Hitch said, quiet.
Sam knew that. Her mother was sleeping back at home, and anyways her mom had never asked for her help. She had an aversion to accepting charity, as she put it.
“Okay,” Sam said, shaking all over. “Okay.”
She backed away from the sandcastle, not looking away.
“Failure,” her mother hissed as she stepped away. “I never wanted a daughter like you.”
The sun came up over the horizon. The sandcastle, Hitch, and her mom all disintegrated into sand as the light hit them.
The beach, the next night, was almost exactly how I remembered it. The beams of our flashlights sent light bouncing across the dunes, illuminating the waves, and I imagined faces in the foam of the waves.
“I’ve been back here a hundred times. There’s nothing left,” I said.
Sam took the car key out of her purse and pointed it at the sand, adjusting the sword slung over her shoulder in order to do it. The key had belonged to Hitch; Sam had requested an item of his, and it was the only thing I had left. She rested the key on the sand and drew a circle around it, inscribing symbols around the borders.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Sam shrugged. “Not much, really. I’m…I guess you could say that I’m knocking.”
The key laid inert on the sand for long enough that I was just about to give up and go home, admit to myself that Hitch was dead and that I was a fool to believe that Sam could actually help me. Then a building started to take shape, flickering in and out like it was struggling to get away. With a pop of displaced air, the sandcastle settled into existence.
Sam banged on the entryway. Nothing happened. She did it again, harder, and scowled when the door still didn’t open.
“We demand entrance, under your honor,” Sam yelled. There was a hard rush of wind, and I gripped Sam’s arm to keep my balance, but the doors cracked open reluctantly.
The inside of the sandcastle consisted of one enormous hall, the roof arching up out of sight. Rafters crisscrossed from wall to wall, and a cobbled path led further into the building, but other than that, it was completely empty, except for the birds. There were thousands of them, perched on the rafters or hopping along the ground. They parted in front of Sam and I, and reformed behind us, leaving us in a small pocket of open space. They were all black-feathered, with sharp beaks and beady eyes.
The Erlking sat on a throne at the end of the hall, lounging across it with his feet up on the armrest. He watched them as they came forward, the soft caw of the birds the only sound.
“I am here to bargain for the life of my brother,” I said, with as much dignity as I could muster, before the Erlking could say anything.
The Erlking ignored her, tilting his head to look at Sam. “I remember you. I almost got you, once.”

Sam glared at him but didn’t respond.
“You want your brother,” The Erlking said to me, and he almost sounded amused. “Then go get him.”
As if by some sort of silent signal, every bird in the room took flight at once, and their cawing made me think of screams. I covered my head against the flapping of their wings, and my vision was quickly obscured by the chaotic movement of them. I found myself on my knees, just trying to escape them.
A hand met my shoulder. Sam urged me to my feet, and together we ran for the edge of the room, where the swarm was the thinnest. We pressed ourselves into the corner and the swarm spiraled tighter and tighter at the center of the room. It went on until there seemed to be no differentiation between the birds, all of them fused together into one creature.
When the chaos died down, the birds had become one mass, with wings and eyes and talons sticking out of its flesh, thrashing and chirping. Human body parts stuck out of it, bulging out from the feathers. It was hands, mostly, with a couple knees or staring eyes. The bird amalgamation had no recognizable facial features, but there was one long beak extending from the front of its head. Most of the body parts were concentrated around the beak, and they peeked out from where the beak connected with muscle, or grew from the tongue, nestled between the two crushing halves of the beak.
It turned its beak down and crawled forward, using the hands to balance. The fingers scrambled over the ground. I was afraid of centipedes as a child, and I felt that same crawling dread when it started moving.
“Holy shit,” Sam whispered, which was rather disappointing, because I had been hoping that at least one of us knew what to do.
The creature turned, a lurching movement that crushed some of the hands underneath it, and started heaving itself slowly towards our corner.
“Better hurry up!” the Erlking called from his throne.
It was blocking the exit, by then. The shifting body of it had moved to block us off. It ambled towards us and I tried to sink further into the corner.
As it approached, getting close enough that I could smell the stink of it, I saw a flash of a tattoo on one of the hands. I leaned in, trying to find it again, like looking for dolphins surfacing in the ocean. And again, I caught a glimpse of a duck tattoo, the tattoo that Hitch had gotten on his hand as a teenager.
I ripped away from Sam’s death grip and ran for the monster.
I fell to my knees in front of it, wincing as I impacted the ground, and reached into the nest of hands. I could feel them tearing at my forearms and ripping into me with their sharp nails, but I kept going. I pressed further in, up to my shoulder in a writhing mass of limbs, aiming for the spot where I had last seen that tattoo.
The hands were tugging at me, wrapping around my back and hair. They were pulling together, trying to draw me completely into the mass of them. I was aware of Sam at my side, anchoring me in place and bashing any hand that got too close with her sword or the sparks that leapt from her hands with muttered words. But I didn’t think it would be enough. They were too strong, and there were too many of them.
I was up to my waist in the hands when something grabbed my palm. I felt the way it clung to me, and the calluses on its palm, and I knew that I had found my brother.
I flung herself back. The hands didn’t want to let me go, and they fought the whole way, but slowly, I made progress. I kept hold of Hitch’s hand in mine the whole time, gripping it as hard as I could. I finally broke free, Hitch with me, and Sam was immediately charging the creature, able to use her sword with much greater strength without being worried about injuring Hitch. She swung it forward, and it sliced through the wrist of one of the hands. It fell without a sound, red sand flowing out of it. It deflated until it looked like dirty laundry, just a piece of limp flesh. The creature shrieked, scuttling away enough that the door was finally accessible. The three of us ran for it, Sam and I supporting Hitch between us.
I looked back as I left and found the Erlking staring right at me.
“Interesting,” he murmured, his voice carrying impossibly across the vast space between us.
The sandcastle collapsed behind us, the great walls falling in on themselves. We were out in the morning sun, the sandcastle disappearing as we watched. Hitch was on the ground in front of me, as young as he’d been thirty years ago, when he was captured. He started laughing, feathers puffing out of his mouth. He laughed until he cried and I hugged him in the way that he’d held me when I was young, in the times when my life had been defined by hunger and fear.
Hitch left, afterwards. He scratched at the pinhole scars covering his body, where feathers burst through his skin, and pulled his long sleeves down around his wrists. He didn’t know where he was going but he told me that he needed time
I had spent thirty years worth of time without him. I wanted to grab my brother by the shoulders and beg him to stay. But he flinched when I hugged him goodbye and he refused to go near sand and he stared distrustfully at the birds chirping in the trees. Hitch needed to go away and I loved him too much to stop him.
I sat out on the beach every morning. I felt the sun on my face and I waited for Hitch to come home.

Entering a medieval castle is akin to turning the pages of a historical narrative. With its rich history, the UK is home to some of the world’s most magnificent and historically significant medieval castles. These castles provide an amazing, educational, and immersive look into the past for anyone interested in history, photography, or just having a fun day out. We’ll take you on a tour of the top medieval castles in the UK in this blog post. Get ready to be mesmerised by their ageless beauty, enthralled by their grandeur, and fascinated by their history.

1. Windsor Castle

History: The world’s oldest and biggest inhabited castle is Windsor Castle, situated in Berkshire. Since William the Conqueror’s original construction of it in the eleventh century, British royalty has continuously resided there. Over the centuries, the castle has undergone multiple renovations and expansions, resulting in an intriguing fusion of various architectural styles.

Highlights

• St. George’s Chapel: This gothic masterpiece is the resting place of ten monarchs, including Henry VIII and Charles I.
• State Apartments: Adorned with opulent décor and an impressive art collection, these rooms are still used for state occasions.
• Changing the Guard: Witness this iconic ceremony, a quintessentially British tradition.

Windsor Castle presents a singular fusion of royal magnificence and historical significance. For visitors, it’s a convenient day trip due to its close proximity to London.

2. Edinburgh Castle

History: Scotland’s capital’s skyline is dominated by Edinburgh Castle, which is perched atop Castle Rock. Based on archaeological findings, it appears that the location has been inhabited since the Iron Age. As a royal residence, a military stronghold, and a representation of Scottish power, the castle has played a significant role in Scottish history.

Highlights

• Crown Jewels and Stone of Destiny: These symbols of Scottish monarchy are housed within the castle.
• The Great Hall: Completed in 1511, it showcases medieval weapons and armour.
• The Royal Palace: Birthplace of James VI, who became James I of England.

In addition to providing stunning city views, Edinburgh Castle delves deeply into Scotland’s turbulent past. Because of its central Edinburgh location, it’s easily accessible and a must-see.

3. Warwick Castle

History: Constructed in 1068 by William the Conqueror, Warwick Castle is among the best-preserved examples of a medieval English castle. It began as a wooden fort, evolved into a stone fortress, and finally became a stately home over the ages.

Highlights

• The Castle Dungeon: Experience the darker side of history with this interactive attraction.
• The Mound: Climb to the top for stunning views of the castle and the River Avon.
• Medieval Banquets: Enjoy a feast fit for a king in the castle’s grand dining halls.

Warwick Castle is ideal for both families and history enthusiasts because it blends historical authenticity with contemporary attractions.

4. Tower of London

History: As part of the Norman Conquest, William the Conqueror established the historic castle known as the Tower of London on the north bank of the River Thames in 1066. It has had a variety of uses, including armoury, treasury, prison, and royal palace.

Highlights

• The Crown Jewels: Home to the British Crown Jewels, including the famous Koh-i-Noor diamond.
• The White Tower: The oldest part of the castle, housing an impressive collection of arms and armour.
• Yeoman Warders: Also known as Beefeaters, these guards offer entertaining and informative tours.

There is a lot of history and legend surrounding the Tower of London, from the beheadings of queens to the ravens that are incorrigible. For those who are interested in England’s royal past, this is an intriguing place to visit.

5. Leeds Castle

History: Leeds Castle has been called the “loveliest castle in the world.” It is located in Kent on two islands in a lake created by the River Len. Constructed in 1119 initially, it housed six mediaeval queens before turning into a private home.

Highlights

• The Maze: This hedge maze leads to an underground grotto, a fun challenge for visitors.
• Bird of Prey Centre: Offers daily falconry displays.
• The Gardens: Beautifully landscaped gardens that provide a perfect setting for a leisurely stroll.

Leeds Castle is a wonderful place for a leisurely but educational day out because of its beautiful surroundings and array of attractions.

6. Alnwick Castle

History: The Dukes of Northumberland have had their residence at Alnwick Castle in Northumberland for more than 700 years. Originally constructed in the latter part of the eleventh century, it has undergone numerous renovations and restorations over the years.

Highlights

• Film and TV Location: Featured in the Harry Potter films as Hogwarts and in the TV series Downton Abbey.
• Alnwick Garden: Includes the Grand Cascade, the Poison Garden, and a massive treehouse.
• Historical Re-enactments: Regular events bring medieval history to life.

Because of its appearances in popular media, Alnwick Castle is not only a historical treasure but also a cultural icon. The vast gardens enhance the attraction.

7. Caernarfon Castle

History: Edward I constructed Caernarfon Castle in North Wales as a part of his campaign to subjugate the Welsh. It was finished in 1330 and is well known for its imposing walls and polygonal towers.

Highlights

• Eagle Tower: The castle’s most famous tower, offering panoramic views.
• Royal Investitures: The castle has been the site of investiture ceremonies for the Prince of Wales.
• Interactive Exhibits: Learn about the castle’s history through engaging displays.

Medieval fortress Caernarfon Castle is one of the most impressive in the United Kingdom due to its dramatic architecture and rich history.

8. Bodiam Castle

History: A typical example of a medieval moated castle is Bodiam Castle in East Sussex. During the Hundred Years’ War, Sir Edward Dalyngrigge erected it in 1385 with the intention of defending against French invasion.

Highlights

• The Moat: A picturesque and defining feature of the castle.
• The Gatehouse: Provides a formidable entrance and offers great views from the top.
• Interactive Displays: Exhibits that provide insight into medieval life.

Bodiam Castle, which offers the ideal fusion of beauty and history, is one of the most photographed castles in England because of its fanciful appearance.

9. Dover Castle

History: Dover Castle has a rich and illustrious past and is referred to as the “Key to England” because of its advantageous location. It was established in the eleventh century and has been vital to England’s defence over the ages.

Highlights

• The Great Tower: Explore the recreated medieval royal palace.
• Secret Wartime Tunnels: Discover the tunnels used during World War II.
• Medieval Tunnels: Walk through tunnels dating back to the medieval period.

Dover Castle is a fascinating place for people of all ages because it provides a unique blend of military history from the 20th century and medieval history.

10. Cardiff Castle

History: The history of Cardiff Castle in Wales dates back more than two millennia. It began as a Roman fort and evolved into a Victorian Gothic mansion and a Norman keep.

Highlights

• The Norman Keep: Climb to the top for views over Cardiff.
• The Castle Apartments: Lavishly decorated rooms reflecting Victorian opulence.
• The Roman Walls: Discover remnants of the original Roman fortifications.

Cardiff Castle is a must-see attraction in the Welsh capital because of its rich history and convenient location. For anyone visiting Cardiff, it is a must-see.

Conclusion

With their distinct histories and allure, the medieval castles in the United Kingdom provide an enthralling window into the past. These castles, which range from the imposing Windsor Castle to the well-known Tower of London, are more than just crumbling strongholds; they are dynamic tributes to the history and cultural legacy of the United Kingdom. These castles ought to be at the top of your list, regardless of whether you’re organising a focused tour of UK castles or just want to give your vacation a historical touch. Prepare to discover the finest medieval castles the UK has to offer by packing your bags and grabbing your camera!

My Own Dark Fantasy Realm

Hi there, fellow fans of dark fantasy! Thanks to your unflinching support, our blog — which is packed with tales and inspirations of dark fantasy — is making waves on TikTok, Pinterest, and YouTube. Even more thrilling is the fact that we’re creating a captivating Trading Card Game to further engross you in Twilight Citadel’s eerie mysteries. Explore the depths of the shadows with our website, where you can get eerie yet lovely phone wallpapers and posters. Furthermore, we’ve got you covered with free resources like desktop wallpapers and profile pictures to make sure your gadgets are brimming with eerie fantasy atmosphere. Come along with us on this surreal adventure, where fears come true and shadows dance. Are you prepared to welcome the gloom?

Before I begin I just wanna say that I made this late at night and I’m not that good with expressing my words so if something leaves you confused just ask your question in the comments
I have yearned for a deep connection with love sense middle school I (18 f) have ADHD(diagnosed) Autism(Diagnosed) and I might have Maladaptive Disorder (I fit certain symptoms but am not Diagnosed) feel in love around that time and dated her for 4 years and then another for 6 months in High School but both times we left on bad terms. 1 for cheating and the other for her just taking a break, and sense then I literally can’t stop thinking and wanting. My wants are mostly just being around them loving them by giving them gifts, hearing them talk, be patient, uplift, admire them and so on so forth. Some of the thoughts are sexual but that’s very rare. My main take away is how do I overcome this, how do I simply live a life were I can do things with my life that don’t involve deep thoughts about exes or this future imaginary lover in my mind, and these daydreams there vivid I mean I have been imaging the same scene over and over again the only difference is that it gets more complex with age, I believe that there maybe a cure which some of you might say hangout with friends or get hobbies or even start to really take your time to live the deeper inner workings of your mind,body and soul. But I lack lots of those, as the pending completion of my high school life is around the corner all my friends have just vanished, some I do kinda talk to but most have ghosted me or just flat out vanished from the internet, my hobbies are only video games but I would love to do more but it’s like my mind with this impending yearning also collides with a deep sense of fear, and same thing with love it also ruins me, everything I do even a simple glance my heart races with a rush of fear and I just wanna overcome or at the least minimize it, when it comes to my fears my daydreams show a darker approach, me being alone permanently, and my face aging but my soul dying a slow agonizing death with each passing moment. I have tried to do a self reflect but it’s deeper then that and sometimes that’s requires an outside source but I’m shy and I don’t talk a lot unless I’m VERY comfortable with people. I just have been longing for things that may or may not happen and im honestly done.
Sorry if this turned into a mess or at least a confusing writing project I just need a place to talk and see others responses cause it’s been a while sense I have contacted another human besides family

I need help with holding a job
Let me start off by saying I have Asperger Sydrome and I know it's common for people of my diagnosis to be underemployed. I'm by no means an idiot. I have had a lot of personal successes in my life. I graduated high school, quit drinking by the age of 22, I have a girlfriend, have lived on my own since I was 18, went from homeless to now renting a 1 bedroom apartment, did Junior ROTC in high school, was a lifeguard, volunteered my time in my church and was a volunteer firefighter before i moved away from my hometown. I got my drivers, a boaters license, and a motorcycle endorsement when nobody said i would ever have anything but 6x6 cell or 6 feet of dirt to call home. I did have a rough childhood, run ins with law, and other issues. I'm almost 23, I try to attend church every Sunday live in a 1 bedroom apartment with my girlfriend who also shares my diagnosis however she is able to work full time while somehow I am not.
Her upbringing was starkly different than mine but not perfect. She had always had both her parents, 3 siblings, her father and brothers both have both been volunteer firefighters. Her father a Corrections Lieutenant and a Marine Corps Veteran. Her mother works with dogs.
My parents however, both are alcoholics, divorced, and extremely negative. My mother, if it isn't alcohol it's painkillers. She cheated on my dad, got sole custody of my 2 siblings and I, was on welfare, and just a generally aggressive and abusive person. I was never pushed to do well in school and there really wasn't anything I could do that she, or my father would approve of.
Anyway I have seldom held a job for more than 3 months. I washed dishes at a restaurant for about 6 but it wasn't without, laid off, fired and rehired twice. More recently I've worked in mechanic shops, landscaping, and other restaurants, all for a few days, weeks, maybe a month before I get fired. I never really see it coming either. I never really get told that I'm doing a shit job, I always show up 15 min early at least, I appreciate every opportunity I've been given and frankly feel grateful to have a paying job for a few days. However after a few days or weeks I usually end up back to relying on social security disability, food stamps, etc to survive. I do have a driver's license and a car to get me to work. I don't want to continue this cycle. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? I usually don't want to talk to employers about my past but I don't want to appear like I have things to hide either.