Hey! Ik a lot of the incoming first year engineering students have accepted their offers recently (congrats!) and I thought this may be of use for you guys and some of these can go for any first year student honestly. I learned so so much during my first year and would love to share if it even benefits one person!
- every percent helps! A lot of your mark will be based off the midterm and final, but most classes have room to gain marks in quizzes and homework. Although each one may be worth small (for ex. in pcs each hw is work 0.5%), don't get in the habit of slacking off and overlooking those. Those percents add up and can help you pass your course esp if you do poorly on major assessments. it can be very easy to skip or forget them in the midst of midterm season, but you future self will thank you when your calculating your grade at the end of the semester. Plus its a great way to stay sharp and caught up!
- join clubs. everyone says this but its for a reason!!!! It is an excellent way to meet upper years and learn from them, as well as gain skills and opportunities that set you apart from peers. You can also add it to your LinkedIn and climb up the exec ladder if you stick to the same clubs over the years. This is the best thing I could've done my first year. Although it can be challenging managing them along your classes, even joining one or two positions can help make yourself well rounded. Some examples are MUES positions, FYEO fyc, IEEE, WiE, BMES, MECU, ECEstorms, CECU and literally SM more.
- design teams. on the topic of clubs, design teams esp are something I wish I joined but hope to in my second year. Design teams are amazing because they allow you to contribute to physical projects and use the concepts you are taught in your classes! They're also great because you can add these projects to your resume and linkendin.
- find good friends/study group. It can be overwhelming and scary in the beginning to make friends, and it does take time to build those relationships. However I highly recommend you put yourself out there and out your comfort zone even if it is just talking to someone while waiting outside of a lecture. I cannot stress enough how beneficial a supportive friend/group can be for your entire degree! You guys can hang out between classes, lock in and study together, they can be there to help you/teach the things you don't understand, hold you accountable when you slack off, hype you up and push you to seek new oppurtunites, and make sm memories. don't be scared about meeting new people, it is a lot easier than you think esp bc everyone is on the same boat in first year and looking for friends! Joining clubs as I mentioned is a great way, as well as talking to the people in your tutorials/labs and inviting them to get a bite or drink with you!
- hold your self accountable. You know yourself best and you know when you are slacking off, when you are doing something you shouldn't be, when you can be doing better than you are, etc. University is not like hs where you have a teacher or figure to hold you accountable, you need to do that for yourself. Eng is not easy, you need to know when it's time to study or put in effort because spoiler alert, you need both to succeed. you cannot expect to pass or have good grades if you are only going to lectures and not reviewing, doing your hw, or studying. and holding yourself accountable throughout the sem can make studying for finals and midterms easier for you.
- be careful using chatgpt, bc you will become dependent on it. Ai is definitely a helpful tool than can be used to answer specific questions and spark new ideas, however use it cautiously. Pushing and using your brain is so good for you, however access to gpt and ai can make it seem like an easy fix. It is, but all I am saying is don't use it for everything, don't use it when you have the answers in your notes or textbook, don't use it if you have time to work it out/think on it. you do not want to become one of those brain rot individuals that cannot think and speak for themself thats all.
- save your money. I wish I'd hear this before but it is incredibly easy to blow off money in your first year esp at tmu. There are food and shopping places in every corner, so if you have the money/savings it's easy to get in the habit of buying food or a sweet treat every day. Many of us aren't working during school either. Just remember that each course you take cost money, if you need to take it again or online it cost money, your homework textbooks and lab equipment often costs money, and if you are on osap you will need money to pay it back! just be careful 🥲
- chang policy. I had to learn this one the hard way too. If you would like to take a course virtually through chang the refund policy is NOT the same as in person courses. If you change your mind about the course and want a full policy, you need to drop the course 5 BUSINESS DAYS before it begins if you want a full refund. I dropped a course 4 business days before and had to pay 50% for a course I did not take.
- time management because the workload is intense. engineering is not easy but time management can make your degree manageable and not feel impossible. it may be hard to find the routine and flow that works for you, but if I can give any advice while you do it is to make use of the time you have when you have it. Use resources like a planner, google cal, to-do lists, reminders etc to stay on top and make time for everything. being able to manage your time can save you a lot of panic and stress in midterm and final season. although the workload can get overwhelming, break your tasks down and take it day by day, but make sure you get done what you need too.
- start group projects early, especially CEN100. you will encounter many group projects during your first year, and most of the important ones happen near the end of the semester. I highly suggest you urge you and your group to get started or at least plan/break down tasks early, ideally from the get go when it is assigned. trying to coordinate with group members who are all busy with the end of the semester can be difficult and makes room for conflict to arise. not to mention starting early gives you time to seek help and critique from your TA. if you need to be that person, hold the group accountable and make sure you guys do not leave it for last min.
- don't compare yourself. everyone comes from different educational and social backgrounds. for some it may come as a shock to be surrounded by people who are as smart as you if not probably smarter. it is so easy to compare yourself and your success to others and it can easily become discouraging. just know that although you will meet people doing great while you may be near flunking, everyone is still struggling and finding it difficult. they may have different learning styles from you that makes it easier for them to learn new material, or they may have come from a school/background where they have already learned it. that doesn't mean you can't get to that level tho, for some it just takes some extra effort and that is okay.
- connect with your TA's and profs and build a relationship with them. You won't always come across a friendly or dedicated instructor, but if you feel you you have give them the chance to get to know and remember you, go to office hours and your tutorials even if they are optional. chances are they may be willing to give you advice or insight on what is on the midterm/final, or they could be the reason your mark has been boosted enough for you to pass. this is not always the case, but it often is.
- it will be a learning curve and takes time to adjust. as much as people can advise and warn you, you won't know what you are getting yourself into until you are actually in it. university for most people is a whole different ball park, let alone an engineering degree. you likely may not find your circle, your flow and your space right away and that is okay, it is part of the process that sets you up to be the best engineer you can be one day. some may be able to adjust quicker than others but just be patient with yourself, if you need to break up for your year into the spring/summer sem so be it. they say the first year of eng is the hardest bc it is such a large jump from high school, but remember it isn't impossible, so many people have done it and so can you. be kind with yourself, and use the many many resources that are available for your success.
- stay caught up in your classes to avoid burnout during midterm and exam season. one of my biggest regrets is missing so much class after midterms and having to cram for finals. Up until my midterms for both semesters I was caught up and following along in everything which made studying less time consuming bc I was already familiar with most the material, it was just filling in the gaps and practicing. Finals nearly took me out bc of the amount of cramming I had to do before I could even get to studying. not to mention seeing the material multiple times will make it stick better by logic. falling behind is common, but don't let it get too far because it truly is very hard to come back from. try to study as you go through the semester, and review/practice the lessons regularly. do not let the material leave your brain as soon as you learn it.
- it is okay to fail. many of us come from being high achievers in high school and getting above average grades. but you will come to learn that grades in the 45-60 range is normal. it is not the end of the world if you fail a course, especially in your first year. you are not dumb, you are not a failure, you are not letting anyone down. failing a course or two is normal and fairly common at least once during this degree. as a first year there is a lot of leeway and room for success, so you can just take it the next sem or the spring.
- make time for your family. this mostly goes for the commuters, but it can be difficult to make time for them especially when the semester ramps up. you may find yourself locked up in your room or coming home late from a library study sesh. but for many people they are your support system and even taking an hour away from your work to spend time with them and be a breath of fresh air and much needed to feel connected to them.
- go to student events! there are genuinely SO MANY that run throughout the year especially for us. I highly recommend to you to as many conferences as you can, GVIC, the WiE if you are female, the one from FYEO and more from MUES. these are great to make industry connections, learn things you don't learn in class, you can make friends, network, and grow yourself professionally. there are other more fun and chill student events that run too that can be great to destress during the sem and wind down with your friends.
- learn to make use of your time if your commute. Many of us who take the go have quite long commutes that can make it feel like a chunk of our day is gone. Something to help with that is just learning to manage the travel time and get something done. This can be being productive and study, taking a power nap, winding down/screen time before locking in at home, have lunch/dinner, making phone calls, etc. Plan your day out and what you are going to do during that commute time, it can truly help structure your day sm better.
- split your chegg. if you really need to buy it (its great for CHY homework and PCS) find some reliable and not snitchy friends and split it so its cheaper. although again, be careful using such tool incase you become dependent on it. it is a tool not solution, use it to learn how to do questions you don't have examples on, but still make sure you do most the hw for practice etc.
- don't get in the habit of skipping class. everyone says this yet we all do it. but I feel like I still need to include this since I have tasted my own medicine from skipping so much. its fine to skip here and there but don'ttttt make it a habit bc it is near impossible to break. its starts with one class, and then you skip the next one bc you didn't catch up and you're gonna be lost either way, and then it snowballs from there. its okay if you aren't caught up from previous missed lectures. just go, even if you just sit there and pay attention without taking notes. you will eventually catch up if you go, but letting it become a habit is just cutting yourself short and holding you back from sm academic success.
- don't overlook the easy classes. they WILL be your mark booster but you still need to put in the effort. for me they were CEN100, CHY102, my liberals, and CPS188. If you care about your gpa make sure you put effort into these classes bc they are very easy to do well in and will boost your gpa.
- its okay to feel imposter syndrome. I went through this a lot and felt like eng was not for me at many times because I would get in the habit of comparing myself. I don't think I felt like I belonged or felt like I was where I was supposed to be until the winter sem. as I mentioned it can take time to find your space but you will eventually. try to remember why you went into eng in the first place, and if it was just money joining clubs/going to eng events can help you find passion or belonging in it again. at the end of the day just trust your gut. if you truly truly feel like you can't see yourself working as an engineer maybe you could reconsider. but if you can but you are just struggling, I promise the imposter syndrome is normal but it will go away.
- NO all nighters. this is coming from someone who has pulled one too many this year and regrets it every single time. I feel like we all know this by now but just prioritize your sleep guys, this again comes down to time management but get enough sleep helps you SO MUCH to learn and digest all the material. you may be able to stay awake physically but you brain needs the rest. and ESPECIALLY DONT PULL ALL NIGHTERS BEFORE EXAMS. So many times this sem have I experience the worst brain fog of my life from doing this, you start to forget the most basic of things and concepts you may have perfected. it can be so easy to overlook our sleep but it truly is so important. don't sacrifice it, if you need to take the L bc you didn't study enough just take it, bc honestly studying more ahead would've saved you if you feel like you need to miss your sleep to cram.
- don't buy a single textbook. the only time you should is PCS and CHY bc it comes with the homework which you need to buy. other than that don't you can find it all online for free either on Anna's archive, the eng gcs or upper years.
- be prepared for midterms. tbh nothing could've prepared me, it is intense. esp if you are taking the full course load. the learning does not stop when midterms roll around, you will still have fast paced lectures, still have hw, still have regular quizzes and projects on top of studying for midterms. It can honestly feel suffocating in the midst of it and extremely overwhelming, but again this is where time management comes to play, use planning resources, and set yourself up for success from the very beginning of the sem. the biggest mistake people make is skipping lectures during midterms, because let me tell you, you will not make the time to catch up during midterm season, and even when it is over you are likely quite far behind or near finals. try your self to ensure you keep going to your classes during it. ALSO, make sure you study well for your midterms, for many people they do better on the midterm than the final so allocating those grades from the midterm is a great idea.
- check your emails! there are so many opportunities and resources that get sent to your inbox. this includes free tutoring, study halls, event details, on campus paid opportunities, club hirings etc.
- take care of yourself. like sm other things it can be so easy to overlook your basic needs and let yourself go. whether that be skipping meals or eating fast food alllllll the time, not sleeping, not showering and doing laundry, not giving yourself free time, etc, you need to look after yourself because no one else will. and the only way you can do well is ensuring you yourself are well. feed yourself healthy and balanced meals, get enough sleep, PLEASE SHOWER AND USE DEODORANT (the stereotype is in fact true), and take yourself outside on walks and with your loved ones. don't lose yourself along the way, it is all about balance.
- do not drop linear algebra in the fall. just listen to me on this one. even if you absolutely BOMB the midterm, don't get scared by it and decide to drop it. this happens essentially every year, and they usually, every year, make the final much easier and straight forward than the midterm is so it IS possible to pass. at the end of the day all you need is a 50 and it is very doable if you have the quiz/hw grades secured (free marks for most people) and study well for the final. try to get profs like majed and wang bc if you are near passing they may boost you enough too. and even if you did fail, so be it that is fine, you can take it in the winter but atleast you gave it youre all and said you tried but chances are you will pass. I say this bc the winter sections for linear algebra ive heard are much harder than the fall, although I think they curve at the end, it is a lottttt more theoretical and confusing so I recommend you push yourself for the fall and see where that takes you.
Anddddd I think that's all! I know that was a lot and maybe overwhelming but I hope it was insightful. if you have any questions or worries feel free to comment or pm.

Hi yall! So I matched w a guy recently on hinge about 4-5 days ago, and after a day we moved onto Instagram dms. For reference, we're both 19, and I personally have never been liked back (as far as I'm aware) or in a relationship. Also have not had my first kiss or anything like that.. I rarely ever match w ppl and if I do, I rarely ever talk to them more than a day or two. Boys my age kind of suck lol, as l'm sure many have noticed. However, this one seemed relatively interesting and we were able to get a good convo going more than a couple of times.
I am a really terrible texter who struggles to reply in a timely manner, yet for 2-3 nights in a row, I found myself texting him for like an hour or more at a time up until 2-3am. I NEVER do that, even w my own friends lol. So I took that as a very good sign and it seemed that he did as well, literallt saying he was excited to meet me, if this was how well we got along over text.
I should preface that I'm not a huge flirter and it seems like he isn't either (?) but he definitely flirted more than I did. He said like a corny pick up line as a joke once, then on hinge was like "you're my type in a way that makes me regret that I met you on hinge LOL" like silly things like that.
He told me he looked thru my instagram and was perplexed by how awesome I was. I liked it cause he was never overtly like "you're so beautiful" or whatever it was always some like corny sheepish little message abt how he thought I was cool or "looked great" lol.
Anyways, things seemed to be going well and I was getting excited up until like 2 days ago. We had a flow of texting each other around 10 pm to catch up on our days together and when I texted him he became strangely dry. This continued into the next day, and then a full day passed where he did not text me- I did not text him either because the prior day, I initiated the convo and that was when he was dry for a second time, worse than the first. However, at some point amidst this dry spell, we made official plans to meet this coming Saturday, a week from today. So that also threw me off— why be dry with me but then also go through with making plans?
After 24 hrs of no texting he texts me at like 3am “shit sorry l've been really busy how was ur day" and so today we've continued talking. It's not dry anymore, I think, but definitely not as fast and excitable as our first few convos.
What also is making me hesitate is that as we were texting, I was mentioning how I was a grade above him and he sent a message along the lines of "I like em older " very obviously as a goofy joke, but then deleted it right away. I still saw it though and I'm unsure as to whether he deleted it because he thought it was stupid and inappropriate, or if he did not want to lead me on romantically any further.
The thing abt not liking flirting is that l often end up in these situations where now I can't tell if he's still romantically interested or not. Because he wasn't a huge flirter before but there was obvious interest in our convos, so now that this took a bit of a turn, I can't help but wonder if he's lost interest or something. I should mention that today he told me he had a really stressful day yesterday (the 24 hrs of no texting day) and he had a panic attack. So he very well could've been not texting because of that. But I don't know.. I really can't tell if this is just in my head or if the signs are glaringly obvious. I was really excited about this; as I said, I rarely like guys and never have I been liked back.
So to see the potential of a spark here, I could not help but find myself getting really excited and thinking about him, which I tend to avoid doing as to not set myself up for disappointment. But after that 2 day period of dryness, I can't help but put my walls up again and feel the disappointment lingering in the back of my head...
I will also admit, I do have deep rooted insecurities, especially about my appearance. I was quite the ugly duckling up until midway through highschool, hence my lack of relationships or attention from guys thus far. I think I have a great personality and a lot of other good traits, but I live in a city where I just know boys, especially my age, value appearance over all else. And this guy is pretty darn cute! My friends thought he was okay but I think he's a touch out of my league lol. I also suspect that I may have found what his ex looks like and she is far prettier than me; but it sounds like she messed him up a whole lot.. mentioning all this incase it has to do with me potentially overthinking.
Let me know what yall think. Sorry for the huge ass essay lol, I just wanted to make sure I had as many details up as possible.

(kind of a rant, kind of a confession. I didn’t know where to put it so I put it here. FYI, this is very long and it’s not funny like my other posts, but it is heartfelt and meaningful and I desperately want somebody to hear me.)
I suck at video games, there’s only a few games I can actually play. I can play Skyrim. I tried playing Oblivion and I gave up after 15 minutes because it was too complicated. I started playing it because my cousin liked it and I wanted to understand him.
I can play certain titles of Legend of Zelda; Ocarina, Twilight Princess, and Skyward Sword. But the minute I picked up Majora‘s Mask I tried for two days and couldn’t get past the second boss. My brothers played these games when I was a kid and I wanted to at least relate to them about something as an adult. I figured if I struggle through Zelda game, they could guide me through it and we could start talking.
The only board game that I truly enjoy is Settlers of Catan, and the only reason I enjoy it is because I actually know how to play it. I have learned how to play Castles. My entire family loves playing board games for hours and hours and hours and hours on end, so if I want to connect to them, I have to learn board games.
I’m also pretty sick at checkers…although I lose to my nine-year-old nephew very frequently (he’s very nice to me about it, he also likes to help me with algebra). I don’t mind checkers because my nephew is so much fun to play with and absolutely adorable. (Me: * genuinely trying my hardest and I lose again*. Him: “It’s OK auntie I’ll play for you next time!” Me: “… but we’re playing together.” Him: “ I know I’ll move your pieces for you but you’ll still be playing your side.”)
I can play poker .. JK no I can’t. I played it for a couple weeks one summer with my coworkers in my early 20s. I had some good memories with my coworkers sitting in the shade outside for four hours every afternoon, just playing poker and cracking jokes. But after that summer I never played it again until last summer when my brother and I had a rare moment of connection when he tried to teach it to me and I played dumb because I just was so happy to be sitting and talking with him without a screen between us and just wanted to prolong the moment.
So I’m gonna learn poker. I want to play with my brother.
In middle school I thought I could take a shot of playing basketball because I’m tall. My coach thought I would be a natural. The only thing I’m natural at is being clumsy. (Imagine that 6 feet tall in seventh grade and the worst player in the B team). Plus all the girls on the team were the popular tough girls and I was definitely not that. I tried again with the softball team, which was slightly better because I was forever in the left field and I never touched the ball. I actually had a couple good times with that, because the team girls were actually fun.
I think my parents thought that I just needed a confidence boost so they signed me up for the churches summer water ski team. Five years. It was absolute torture. I got up the first time that I skied and then fell over. Because the water scared me and I didn’t wanna do it. I refused to get up on the skis for the next five years, but my mother still forced me to do it thinking that I just needed to try harder. My parents both believed in the “throw the kid in the water to teach them how to swim” method of teaching, but for some reason that didn’t work with me like it did my brothers. They found me annoying, stubborn and baffling. I didn’t relate to any of the people there because they were all different than me, plus my two popular brothers either ignored or bullied the fuck out of me to make themselves look good , and I only got along with the few “slutty, poor non-Church kids” that were sponsored on the team 🤣.
I’ve tried watching football and hockey and baseball and basketball and golf with my roommates and all I do is just talk the entire time and piss them off so I end up staying in the basement like a troll. Because I don’t get it. Why are we watching this?
My sister-in-law who is a popular book smart blonde pretty girl from the country tried to “cure me” of my disdain for sports by forcing me to sit down and watch the Super Bowl with her 10 years ago. She never tried again.
I live in Minnesota and people talk about the twins games, and my roommate took me to the twins game a couple months ago … I enjoyed it because it’s a new experience and it’s a very nice arena. Still, Kind of boring though. I ended up cracking jokes the entire game to pass the time. I randomly ran into a friend of mine though so that was OK. But I do think my roommate was kind of annoyed. Apparently, I talk too much. The only reason I went is because I feel like I need to try and connect more with my roommate. (And also to check out the players butts (God bless baseball pants).)
You get it right you see what I’m trying to say here? Competition in general just is not my thing. I don’t feel competitive. I don’t like competing. I think it’s pointless and stupid. I don’t see the point of trying to learn a game for no reason. It’s a waste of time unless the goal is social togetherness and closeness, but so far in my experience, the only thing that’s accomplished socially is rage and hats being thrown on the grass, fights happening left and right. The only other reason competition is OK is if you’re trying to save somebody or you have to accomplish a job.
So for me, I like to sit around and talk to people, but I’m socially awkward because of the family I grew up in so I feel like I’m learning how to talk again. I find that I desperately need my introvert time simply because of the way I was raised, even though I’m naturally an extrovert. But a lot of people find me to be too much. That’s why I love crazy wild insane people who don’t fit in. I understand them. I’m comfortable around the ones that nobody else understands. I see the ones people don’t want. I serve the ones the world looks over. I find it’s possible to relate to the ones everyone else says is impossible to relate to.
I also am the one who is always doing whatever everybody else wants to do in order to just relate to them because sometimes conversations are difficult for me because I’m not interested in most stuff that other people are interested in. I’m only interested in the arts really. I always thought I was autistic because of this, but I don’t think I am. I’m getting tested on Tuesday lol.
(honestly if the test results come back and I turned out to be autistic, it’s not gonna comfort me. I’m going to cry for days. I’ve worked so hard to fit in, but I’ve never belonged. It would be just a confirmation that I’m just an incurable weirdo like I was told my whole life).
But just once I would like to stop being that person whom is always reaching out and doing whatever everybody else wants. You know what I like to do? I like to dance. I want somebody to go to the club with me. I like to entertain on stage and perform for people. I like to teach and help guide young people and those with special needs. Even though the entertainment industry is going down the drain and movies are no longer special…I still love the idea of making movies. I have stories to tell. I like to go to the art museum and just walk around for the entire day and draw. I like studying psychology, anthropology, and religion. I believe strongly in women’s rights, and think that it’s important to raise up the poor and marginalized. I want to go to the homeless shelter and serve there. I fucking fucking fucking love writing stories, and want to draw a graphic novel someday. I want to teach kids how to make art write their stories, and bridge gaps between the disciplines, especially the ones with sports and art. I’m passionate about teaching people to relate to each other instead of bullying each other.
Siderant: I have deep compassion for those with special needs because they are so ignored by so many people. They’re so so so so so DEEPLY valuable to the health of a society. So incredibly valuable. I’ve seen crime people give up murderous intentions for the sake of caring for somebody with special needs. I’ve seen shy people come out of their shells because somebody with special needs brought it out of them. I’ve seen broken people heal through service and relationships with people with special needs. I’ve seen arrogant and proud people humble themselves through loving and serving somebody with special needs, and I’ve seen humble people build up their confidence and strength by working and loving those special needs. I’ve seen self-conscious high school students go from ignoring and mocking the sped kids to becoming selfless and hard-working friends with them. Service of sped people can literally cure wars, I work in a gang-ridden ghetto community and I’ve seen it firsthand. They honestly should be at the forefront of much of society. Not greed and money and power. The people who no one else wants to see needs to be the ones everyone sees. I really really, really believe that.
But how many people want to do what I want to do I’ve always had to do what they want. I don’t really know how to do human.

Just for reference I'm a guy in my early 20s who's been dating people casually for a while now. I have seen a lot of the discourse surrounding casual dating and how it's promiscuous, immoral, misogynistic, the death of culture as we know it, etc. Personally, I don't think just because you're casual dating any of those things have to be true.
High school was in a small town where dating at all was seen as horrible and unforgivable at best and warranted public thrashing of adult couples at worst.
In the 11th grade I tried dating a girl but word got around easy and we got caught. I got thrashed at home while she ended up ghosting me and the last i saw of her she was getting chaperoned to school/tuitions and locked up at home the rest of the time. Didnt seem worth all the hassle and also realized that teenage relationships are too dramatic, codependent and make you feel obliged to devote a certain amount of time to your new girlfriend/boyfriend.
After dropping out of college in my second year, I moved to another town on my own to prep for a competetive exam. Things were okay for a while there but I soon got burnt out since I had zero social interaction. Decided to start casual dating. Met some amazing women but made it clear that I didn't have time for relationships and i wouldn't be making them late night calls but would prefer it if we hung around every once in a while, with zero pressure for physical intimacy. Some girls liked it, other made clear they weren't into it and so never saw them again.
So to sum it up, I think casual dating is a good concept if you're busy with work/life, new in town, friendless, straightforward, honest and not easily caught by FOMO. Commitment right now doesn't make sense for me because I know my values are changing fast, I'm not in in position where my parents will take to me having a relationship kindly and its not like I have the time for an actual relationship anyway.

(and also how my teachers and friends saved my ass so many times🫶)
TL;DR at the end
NOTE: this is purely my own personal experience
to provide some bg info, in sec 1 i managed to sneak into the ip sec sch with the lowest cut off point - my psle score was literally the cop. by upper sec, i was failing all my subjects consistently (save for english) due to a slew of family problems and resultant mental health issues. i SHOULD have been retained in sec sch or forced to transfer to the o-level track bc i didn’t meet the promotion criteria to the affiliated jc, but my teachers chose to turn a blind eye and let me go on anyway. i was such a hopeless student (chronic absenteeism and outbursts) but in hindsight, i’m still grateful they made this concession for me because had i taken the o-levels, i prob wouldn’t be able to go anywhere
in jc1 (2021), i never watched any lectures or did any tutorials. i was still just as hopeless as ever. anyone could tell i was still mentally unstable, still having family issues and that acads took a backseat in my mind. i didn’t have good relations with my teachers since i was such an unmotivated student. my support networks were non-existent (my closest friends were also struggling anyway). so it was not much surprise when by the end of the academic year, i had scored a measly 8.75rp (B in GP and U for everything else). still, instead of being directly retained, i was still given the chance to sit for some provisional advancement exams but ofc i failed da sht outta those anyway and actually got retained.
i think retaining made something click in my mind. despite all the past years of getting away with shit grades and not caring about school, i never truly suffered any “true” consequences since concessions were always made for me. but getting retained was now a tangible consequence i had to face. also, being placed into a new batch without the same faces from the past 5 years also helped me care less about people’s opinions and i could truly focus on myself
my family problems still persisted, sure, and school was still a scary place for me, but less than it had ever been. because i didn’t have pw or mt to worry about anymore, i also had a lot more free time in school. my friends who promoted shared lesson materials and answer keys with me, and also offered to teach me sometimes, which made getting through tutorials so much easier bc whenever i got stuck i knew i had help.
talking about external help, it really defined my retainee journey. i am immensely grateful to my friends and teachers who pushed me along. i was a pw slacker and i still got an A anyway bc my group mates carried… it’s something i still feel guilty about and i definitely didn’t deserve that A. i’m still friends with my pw mates till this day which im really grateful for. in my second jc1 year, because i actually started putting effort into my studies, it became much easier to build a rapport with my new teachers. moreover i think they had to keep an eye on me anyway since i was a retainee lol but i was able to form close relationships with them and they became an integral part of my support network as well :’)
in jc1 (2022) myes, i went into the exams with low expectations - maybe straight Ds and I would’ve been happy. i ended up scoring As for all my subjects except a B in one, which were completely unexpected since i only ever saw Us on my report slips. this kickstarted a “virtuous cycle” for me and i began to take pride in my academics. by the end of my second jc1 year, i had attained a perfect score in my second round of promotional examinations!! my friends and teachers were all really proud of me and i was really happy at that point in time :)
i also began to get more opportunities in school, like leadership positions and the chance to participate in competitions or lead events since i finally had my sht together. these all helped me with my portfolio building as well :’)
around a levels period, smth rly disruptive happened at home and i thought that perhaps the past 2 years of work would come crashing down. it was hard to study at home w everything that was going on. i left every paper unconfident. at that point, i was aiming for a pretty competitive uni course which was kind of unrealistic since i was a retainee, but i dared to dream big and since i had finally pulled myself together i thought that there was no harm in trying. however i thought my a levels score wouldn’t end up making the cut since i felt like my papers all went rly badly ;-;
for the 3 months between my last paper and a level results release, i avoided thinking about my score as much as possible. i kept all my notes and tutorials in case i ended up having to retake my a levels. on the day itself, i didn’t even show up to school to collect my results in person as i was so convinced that i had done badly and that i would end up crying in front of my classmates and teachers. in fact i even waited until the next day to open my results online. but lo and behold, i had attained a perfect score. i was so elated that i could actually apply for the course i wanted :’)
fast forward through the months, i submitted my applications and personal statements, received my interview invites, went for them, and then received my acceptances from the two local universities offering the degree i wanted. :’) everything truly worked out the best way they could have.
and that’s why, in retrospect, retaining was truly the best thing that could have happened to me. i don’t think it’d be far-fetched to say that it literally changed the trajectory of my life. i learned how to have a proper work ethic, took away a strong support network of friends and teachers, and honed important skills like leadership. i still cringe when i think about how much of a problem student i used to be, but it was only because i let things ever get that bad that now i know how important it is to stay on track.
i’m really grateful that as much as retaining is a taboo subject in jc, that i wasn’t discriminated against for having been a retainee. it might seem weird and like im making “retainee” my whole brand, but it was truly a turning point in my life and i wear it like a badge of honour almost.
i’m now excitedly waiting for uni to start in august. ٩( ᐛ )و
TL;DR: retaining helped me gain a proper work ethic and form a strong support network. i ended up scoring well at the a levels and was accepted into my desired uni course. so quite literally, retaining changed the trajectory of my life for the better🫶

Yesterday, I had my graduation ceremony. After years of university with absolutely no help besides occasional rides to the bus stop and, very rarely, to campus, I finally graduated. Here's what my parents have done in the lead-up to graduation and the day after instead of supporting me.
My parents spent months leading up to the graduation freaking out about how I'll get a job, trying to control my hair and clothing (even implying I'm ugly when I choose my own hair and clothing), harassing me to hand out business cards to everyone I meet (especially if the situation would be an immense faux pas), grilling me on if my grades are good, lecturing me relentlessly about how I need to keep in contact with people in my class and it's soooo important and would I like to hear about how my dad got a job through nepotism for the eightieth time, asking me questions they already know the answers to (Yes, I'm still talking to my former classmates. Yes, I know that you worked in the Yukon when you were 18. Yes, I know about your friend who worked in a weather station. Yes, I know you had to move to find a job in the 1980s. Yes, I am aware that it is a possibility I might have to move too. Yes, I know that it's okay to invite people over to the house, you've only "informed" me about a hundred times. Yes, I know that school is important.) Every single thing that they "inform" me about is something I have very clearly expressed that I understand, and is just thinly veiled criticism. But my dad needs to lecture more than he needs oxygen.
Just constant nitpicking, criticism, and nothing I ever did was enough. I couldn't even focus on grades, because they would in their own words "put pressure on" me to do what they wanted. To handle their emotions for them. They're obsessed with the idea that I would have to move to a tiny town or work in a coal mine to find a job, because I'm more highly educated than my dad (who dropped out of university despite having all expenses paid by his father), and because my dad worked in the Yukon for two summers. He will never shut up about that, and he even goes so far as to hold us hostage with implicit threat of a massive tantrum to listen to him tell us the story again and again and again and to show us pictures of the place he worked on Google maps and point to everything he remembers. Sometimes he can go on for half an hour just repeating himself over and over.
Last summer, my parents even went and took action without my knowledge or approval to try and get a job set up for me cleaning up a mine contaminated with arsenic in the middle of nowhere, NWT. They tried to guilt and shame me into it ("What are your plans instead? Do you have another job lined up? Because you need to have a job. You can't sit around all day." This coming almost literally one week into summer vacation after my second-last year of university, when I could be using my energy to find interesting co-ops or explore hobbies or travel, instead dealing with their harassment and obsession with trying to literally trap me in a fucking arsenic mine.) They went on and on, lectured me over and over, implied that I would be embarrassing my grandfather if I didn't go, and so on. Eventually they said "You can go work or get a certification", and I picked the certification, but then they got grumpy anyways, and every week for the entire summer they would ask "Are you still working on the certification?". Of course, dipsh*t. I've told you fifty times how long the program lasts.
They don't care about what I'm learning in class, don't care about my hobbies or interests, only care about my friends as either a means to get backdoored into a job or a "nice French Canadian woman" to have babies with. They don't care if I'm struggling, and are completely unavailable to help in any regard. Any request for help would result in a guilt trip. Even if I actually couldn't eat dinner with the family for one day because I had a test, my father would get raw emotions and I'd have to walk on eggshells for a few days. The one time I mentioned I was having trouble studying, instead of shutting up and no longer ranting in the main floor where I could hear him or turning the TV off, he just dragged a table into the unfurnished boiler room (without asking me) and then told me that I would have to study there. I wasn't allowed to choose not to, because he'd already set it up. Ironically, my anger at him did let me study pretty well for the one day that I was forced there. He tried to keep me there long-term because he thought it was just such a great idea, but I managed to trick him into thinking I didn't need help studying anymore, so I got to study at a desk with a light on it and flooring that wasn't bare cement. Hooray for the most minor victory imaginable.
In the months leading up to graduation, did they care about how hard I was working at my capstone project and offer support? Absolutely not! Did they care about how well my sleep quality was, how many times the cat woke me up because they didn't play with her enough or give her enough attention? Nope! Did they care about how exhausting it was to deal with their constant lectures on the same topics, and to have to give them affirmations ("Yes, you're right, that's right, good job, nice, very tasty, good work, oh really?, neat, that's cool, how'd you make that?, mhm, I agree, you're being reasonable, they're being ridiculous, that's crazy") a hundred times a day? Not even in the slightest!
We spend more time talking about my dad's college friends than about anything I or my brother care about.
Then, leading up to graduation. all I've gotten are the most humiliating, infuriating, insulting messages and lectures from my parents. I get almost daily emails and texts saying "You need to get a job, it's important to look for a job" despite the fact I've told them I am looking probably fifty times. Too cowardly to say it to my face. I've been texted literal links to a Google search for "[degree name] jobs [city]" more than once. Both my parents treat me like I don't listen, when I do. They treat me like I'm lazy, when I've put myself through university with no help even after they lied to me about giving me financial aid and made me out to be a bully demanding more money when all I did was say "alright" and then pay for it myself. They must have sternly given me a talking to about how "I'm not going to pay for university, you know that, right? You need to pay. Don't expect us to pay. Because we paid for your first semesters, you know that, right? We've already paid for enough." thirty times, even after I'd made the final payment. They treat me like I'm stupid when I have expressed understanding before. They treat me like I'm a bully while I always bend over backwards for them, just because I don't play my role as "surrogate mommy but this time I get to tell her what to do" well enough.
It feels like they're almost raising me into a replacement or surrogate parent. Like my dad wants me to be his mom or dad, except this time he gets to be in charge. And my mom wants me to be her mom, except this time when she freaks out or has her deer in headlights look, she'll get someone to step up and take care of everything for her. I distinctly remember having to comfort her even for things she did to me, like tell me that a pair of comfortable shoes I picked out was good and she'd get them, and then immediately scream "take it out, take it out!" after it was scanned at the register. I could not have been older than twelve. And for my dad, he always rants and raves to me exactly like he does to his parents, except without including blame for them sending him to boarding school and instead having tons of old "life updates" like where he worked when he was 18 and what music he liked to listen to in high school, stuff like that. Then he expects me to praise him or be interested like his parents never were (he always tells me that his parents only cared about his car when they called).
So now I graduated. All they had to say in the days coming up to it was to grill me on the time I'd have to be at the venue and the time I was planning to leave the house to get there on time, with a distinct air of "you're too lazy to think of this in advance and too stupid to figure it out without a plan". Of course, I had to answer this question probably five times, because they don't care to ever listen to me. Before the ceremony I got text messages showing they were way more excited about themselves being here than anything relating to me, with multiple messages expressing how they arrived and it was exciting, then they asked me how the atmosphere was and their only reply was a one-word "nice" with no punctuation, because they don't care about me and only ask droll questions to segue into their next bit.
After grad, there was two generic sentences spoken with no emotion about how it was nice I graduated, and then they made a whole song and dance about the amazing gifts they got me. It was a degree frame I picked out myself that my dad presented as new and exciting (because he never pays attention to me, of course, when I told him I had picked one out and ordered it with my mother. Also she had another freakout about price and acted like I was holding her hostage by taking her unforced offer to buy me the second-cheapest degree frame on offer.). Then he presented the free gift small frame they got with it as though I should praise him for it, then a congratulation card that was alright I suppose if only because my brother drew a little creature in it that made me smile (my parents did not add anything special or meaningful to it). There was also a cap, which I genuinely enjoy and is nice, and a cheap ballpoint pen for some reason. He said there was more gifts at home, which okay, I don't care about gifts but I'd like him to at least be as excited for my graduation as he was for the picture frame. I didn't get any souvenirs from the bookstore because I knew if I got something he'd also gotten he'd freak out and accuse me of not listening to him or whatever, so I waited. When I got home my gift was Skittles. I don't know why I thought me might have gone to the bookstore and gotten me something special related to my actual interests. He doesn't care to know what those are anyways. I guess I hoped that at least this one day would be different.
Today, the day after graduation, all I've gotten from my parents is:
- Involved in a lecture and manufactured drama about my brother not using my car to drive to his job, even though my dad had the exact opposite position the entire rest of the year, because "what if you need to drive somewhere?", trying to manufacture a fight between my brother and me while also guilting and shaming me for not driving as a hobby like he does.
- A text message from my mother asking me if I'm awake because she wants more ammo to paint me as lazy. Nevermind that I barely slept the night before to make it to grad (of course neither of my parents would care enough about me to come with me as a family. I was literally the only person I saw who went on my own and without their family showing up early too, to support them. I walked past so many families in the parking lot knowing my mother couldn't be bothered to change out of her pajamas for me.) Nevermind I had a huge day that day, and that I was taking care of the cat's energy all that night too because attending my grad is apparently soooo draining my parents can't look after their own pet, and somehow it falls to me. All that matters is she woke up early and I didn't (after I handled all her inconveniences for her, funny how that works).
- Rapid knocks on my door because my dad is making bread as a hobby and apparently "needs" me there to help him with it, and then also "needed" me to stay and make cookies with him.
- A lecture about someone I never knew who apparently once threw something at another kid on my street when I was about 5, and about how he died and how his wife's hobby was really expensive or whatever and if I really don't remember him?
- I went to a showhome for fun and brought back the brochure. My dad jabbed his finger at the pictures on it to explain the house to me like I wasn't the one who literally brought the brochure back. Never asked if I cared or anything, just immediate launch into lecture and expecting me to stay and listen and praise him for being so smart or whatever.
- A lecture about D Day for some fucking reason. My dad is obsessed with history, and he doesn't have any friends to talk to (wonder why) so his lectures always fall on my ears.
- An email from my mother explaining in an extremely condescending way how important it is to have a cover letter when applying for jobs (just completely assuming I don't write them and also am too lazy or stupid to think about having them) including copy-pasted text from a sample cover letter that is no doubt one of the first results on google for "cover letter example"
- An angry email from my mother including a job she found on google
But, contrast that to my neighbors across the street. I was friends them in grade school, haven't seen them in like ten years, and just on my way past to the showhome we said hi and chatted in a genuinely nice conversation that wasn't a one-sided lecture like usual in my house. They could sense my emotions and didn't try to keep me there longer than I wanted to rant, they were genuinely interested in me and gave me space and interest to express myself, their mother even hugged me for graduating and it was the most genuine hug and congratulations I've ever received in person. Every other hug was my family members forcing me to hug them for their own sole benefit. I admit I cried a bit later on my walk thinking about it.
Compared to my parents, the parents of old friends care more about me, trust me more, believe in me more, have more hope for my future, are more interested in me, and understand me better. It's tremendously sad that all throughout my graduation ceremony I was worried about my parents becoming upset for some random reason and blowing up at me. I'm glad I at least focused and made myself feel some pride and joy in myself for graduating.
Even the random people I met who were also taking part in the open house were nicer and better conversationalists than my parents. A random elderly couple I have never seen in my life can have a better interaction with me than my own parents. The realtor was more chill and less perfectionistic than my parents by a mile. His million-dollar house sale was something he was less stressed and perfectionistic about and something he beat himself up over less than my parents are about my hairstyle when I'm going to class because "What if you meet someone in industry and they see you're not professional".
It's absurd.

I've encountered a person that confuses me to this day. English isn't my first language btw.
The high school I went to was a competitive all-girls school that was at the time considered to be the third in the country (in our country getting into these schools was always a big deal and you have to qualify). Even inside the school the competitiveness was high among peers, so a lot of quarrels and drama tended to unfold. From parents who used money to teachers who were corrupt, and students who schemed against each other. In my time in that school, I have encountered the occasional problem but I didn't have problems with students much. Teachers however, I tend to butt heads with regularly. Maybe it was some form of a moral code I had in me, but I disliked adults who used their obvious position of power to meddle with the lives of children. None of them were particularly different or interesting, until I met the homeroom teacher of my class of grade 10. She was such a contrasting case for me that I found her to be fascinating. Her outward appearance was of a delicate calm women, she was soft spoken and polite. Her figure looked almost emaciated but it seemed like it was just the limit of her growth rather than the consequence of her current diet. She was an amazing teacher and was always on time. She actually was highly intelligent that you could tell she was. However, there was this gut feeling both me and my mother got from the first encounter with her. A bad feeling that something was off with her. Her every move looked staged and unreal, every pause was calculated and words so insincere that I thought I must be crazy for noticing it when it looks like no one else did (I later found out a lot of people noticed it but just couldn’t describe or rationalise their instincts, so they just ignored it). She was known to be strict, but it was all well for the first few days. The first thing she did was to separate anyone who was together in the same class in the previous year, but this wasn’t odd or too alarming because teachers wanted students to make new friends and avoid talking during class. Things came in small doses next. She had random bursts of anger that felt so uncharacteristic and misplaced that it would make the entire area silent. It always felt like it was from 0 to 100 instead of a steady increase. It got physical a few times too (There wasn't much of human rights at this time and it was somewhat acceptable for an adult to lay hands on a child for disciplinary reasons). Then I started to notice her targeting specific students and playing games with them. Like she would socially isolate people and outcast students, even going as far to set a desk away from everyone for a student to sit alone. She would check in at lunch and make sure that the student was talking to no one. I also caught on that she would try to draw wedges between friends and breed distrust between students by false claims and rumours. She would go through people’s belongings when they left them. There was this fact about her everyone knew around the school about a famous tuition teacher being her ex and how much she hated even hearing that man’s name or seeing anything to do with him (By the way, she was at this point married to someone else and had two kids. But she would snap at any mention of him). I started observing her because of noticing these things. It was weird, she and I had a strange connection. It was like a wordless exchange, I knew who she was and she knew who I was. We both would know we were observing each other. She never called it out or anything, it just seemed to be a cat and mouse game. I did mess up her games a bit by telling the students who were confiding me about their perceived betrayal of their friend, that it was caused by our teacher instead of it being real. I also deliberately put her ex’s business card inside a notebook with a ‘Got you!’ note, knowing she would go through the book that I was pretending to hide just to get her to want to see what’s in it. She did exactly as I wanted but didn’t say a word just handed me the book back with an odd smile. I stood up for anyone I could and was quite protective of my friends. One friend in particular she seemed to hate to the bone. I never understood why she held such contempt for this girl. All I could come up with was that this friend was very attractive, or maybe she just hated that she was my friend? It came out of her own mouth once to my mother, that she wasn’t going to scold me for what I did but she saw me talking with that “annoying girl,” so she snapped at me. Things went from bad to worse, her games got intense. She attacked my friends specifically and did everything to isolate me. I didn’t know this then, but some of my friends later told me that she would interrogate anyone who would talk to me or visit me from other classes and scare them so that people stopped coming to see me (back then I actually though I was being abandoned by people because no one told me then). I noticed that she adjusted her way of talking and demeanour according to the person and what she wanted from them, it was quick and creepy to an outsider watching from afar. She had multiple complaints against her from time to time, mostly from seniors who were tired of her. But she somehow always managed to turn herself to be the victim and the student to be the perpetrator, who now would be ostracised by other teachers which would make the students do the same. She was good at putting a spell on people, only those who were targeted by her thought badly of her, some even outright loved and adored her. Even though her actions and mask never matched and to anyone who would take a second to think about her actions without thinking about her outward personality would know how much of a snake she was, she somehow managed to maintain her beloved status among everyone. It was strange, if you talked to people alone, you’d find they knew or just had a sense she wasn’t a good person, but it was as if there was a rule in the air people were following, as if they were just supposed to play along. In all this, what I found the most intriguing was her motives. Because I cannot think of one. She even did things that seemed to be well intended towards me, like she told other teachers off for scolding me, she actually never directly accused me and made sure I wasn’t wrapped up in trouble. Even times I was truly doing something wrong, she would just scold others but save me. She got me saved from being scolded at the office for being late (we have a tardy line) and took me away in front of all the other students (this usually only happens if someone is a teacher’s child or a child of some influential parent). She got my contact and messaged me every morning to see if I’m awake and paid attention to check if I understood the lesson. It was weird and very confusing, because it wasn’t just the regular teacher who truly wanted the best for someone. Because it was obvious favours to anyone who looked at it. Yet she also seemed to target me and was dead set on separating me from my friends, and did everything to make me miserable. I didn’t know it then but a friend told me someone else had pointed out that it even looked like she was in love with me in a twisted way because of her insistence in surveilling my conversations and who talked to me. She and I had some similarities in that we were both observant and smart in the same way. I could tell she recognised me as someone different from the others and maybe even felt that I was some kindred spirit. But I still don’t understand her. Everyone else always had a motive, something to gain, or a delusion to maintain. But she was too intelligent for that, she didn’t need to scheme to gain because she was truly talented, and she wasn’t interested in any gain. She didn’t lie to herself, even when she lied to others, I could tell she didn’t believe it herself. She knew she was lying, and she knew it was intentional. It just seemed she was doing things just because. But it’s such a hard thing to understand. I can only think she was just someone who was sadistic and gained pleasure by causing problems. But I'm not sure. It hurts my pride to admit but It has been years now yet I still see her in my nightmares.
What do you think of this person? Why do you think she did what she did?

DAY: MAY 31 2024
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There are many different types of workplace leaders, from those who prioritize the needs of team members and the organization above their own, to authentic leaders who foster openness, trust and transparency. A recent study by the University of South Australia published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior has highlighted the significant benefits of humble leadership in the workplace. According to the study by UniSA’s Dr. Xiao Lin, humble leadership can effectively elevate the workplace status of employees by boosting their sense of respect and prominence. It also leads to
5-31-2024

WHY ARE GROCERY BILLS SO HIGH? A NEW STUDY LOOKS AT THE SCIENCE BEHIND FOOD PRICE REPORTING

Rising food costs are squeezing Canadians around the country. Nearly everyone is feeling the pinch, and it’s not just an inconvenience—high food prices are a major threat to food security for many Canadians. Understanding why food prices are so high and why they are changing is critical to the well-being of our society. Unfortunately, consensus on why food price are so high is in short supply. Explanations given in reports like Canada’s Food Price Report and the news media range widely, from the war in Ukraine to supply chain issues
5-31-2024

WILL GENERATIVE AI CHANGE THE WAY UNIVERSITIES COMMUNICATE?

Is artificial intelligence an unprecedented opportunity, or will it rob everyone of jobs and creativity? As we debate on social media (and perhaps use ChatGPT almost daily), generative AIs have also entered the arena of university communication. These tools—based on large language models that were optimized for interactive communication—can indeed support, expand, and innovate university communication offerings. Justus Henke has analyzed the situation of German realities about six months after the launch of ChatGPT 3. “The research was conducted about a year ago when enthusiasm was high, but it was
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS RELATIVELY LOW NUMBER OF SUPERSPREADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR LARGE PORTION OF MISINFORMATION ON TWITTER

Classification of superspreader accounts. A large portion (55.1%) of accounts are no longer active. For each class annotated with political affiliations, colors indicate the ideological split. The last group aggregates all accounts with political affiliations. Credit: PLOS ONE (2024). DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0302201 A small team of social media analysts at Indiana University has found that a major portion of tweets spreading disinformation are sent by a surprisingly small percentage of a given userbase. In their study, published in PLOS ONE, the group conducted a review of 2,397,388 tweets posted on Twitter
5-31-2024

HOW LIFE’S BIG MOMENTS CAN CHALLENGE STARTUPS

Life-changing events like the birth of a child, the purchase of a new home, or a lottery win could threaten the survival of a new business venture, the positive family events had a comparatively greater influence, albeit negatively, on the survival of a new venture, compared with
5-31-2024

RUDE AT WORK? FEELING GUILTY CAN MAKE YOU A BETTER, KINDER WORKER

We’ve all done it. A bad night’s sleep or a tough commute made us cranky, and we lashed out at a coworker who did nothing wrong. What can we do to make up for it? According to a new study published in the Journal of Business Ethics, embracing our guilty feelings can help us make up for our bad behavior by encouraging us to act more politely and work harder the next day. “We found that anyone can be rude at work, because anyone can
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS INTRODUCE A PLANETARY INCLUSION SCALE TO FOSTER BROADER ETHICAL THINKING

Social inclusion and having a sense of belonging with other people are key elements of a good life. However, the fate of humanity is a challenge that extends beyond our social reality. Experiences of belonging and inclusion, understood in a broader sense than before, may be crucial for a sustainable future. In an article published in the International Journal of Social Pedagogy, a team of researchers propose a new planetary inclusion scale that structures our planetary relationship three-dimensionally based on temporal, spatial and ethical orientation. The temporal element relates to
5-31-2024

‘LEAN IN’ MESSAGES CAN LOWER WOMEN’S MOTIVATION TO PROTEST GENDER INEQUALITY

Women in leadership are often told to “Lean In,” designed to be motivational messaging demonstrating that they are more confident, strategic and resilient to setback. However, new research indicates that such “lean in” messaging can hinder women’s motivation to protest gender equality. Popularized in a book by American technology executive Sherly Sandberg, the “Lean In” solution to gender inequality advises women that demonstrating personal resilience and perseverance in the face of setbacks is key to career advancement. Now, a new study led by the University of Exeter, Bath Spa University
5-31-2024

ALGORITHMS COULD HELP IMPROVE JUDICIAL DECISIONS

A new paper in the Quarterly Journal of Economics finds that replacing certain judicial decision-making functions with algorithms could improve outcomes for defendants by eliminating some of the systemic biases of judges. Decision makers make consequential choices based on predictions of unknown outcomes. Judges, in particular, make decisions about whether to grant bail to defendants or how to sentence those convicted. Companies now use machine learning based models increasingly in high-stakes decisions. There are various assumptions about human behavior underlying the deployment of such learning models that play out in
5-31-2024

DIGITAL CAMPAIGNING IS A HUGE PART OF ELECTIONS NOW—BUT GOING VIRAL ISN’T EVERYTHING

The election has commenced and the race is on—to amass as many likes, shares and comments as possible. Digital campaigning, particularly through social media, is now a key part of political candidates’ communication toolkit. In fact, every general election campaign since 1997 has at some point been lauded as the first to make effective use of digital campaigning. But it was in 2015 that David Cameron’s campaign first made strategic use of social media to drive an election victory. As political reporter Tim Ross outlines in his excellent book, Why
5-31-2024

WHY ARE ORGANIZATIONAL COVER-UPS SO COMMON?

The TV dramatization of the UK Horizon Post Office scandal evoked outrage and disbelief. However, as another example of dysfunctional organizational behavior, it was expected rather than exceptional. The Post Office saga joins a long list of cover-ups or scandals that includes Hillsborough, Enron, Grenfell, the infected blood scandal, the Tuam babies scandal in the Republic of Ireland, Boeing 737 Max and Nasa (Columbia space shuttle). They represent what happens when there is a move within organizations and institutions to cover up the causes of
5-31-2024

AMONG GEN Z AUSTRALIANS, 38% IDENTIFY AS SPIRITUAL AND HALF BELIEVE IN KARMA. WHY IS SPIRITUALITY SO POPULAR?

Spirituality is increasingly popular with young Australians: recent research shows 38% of Gen Z Australians identify as spiritual. It also reports 50% of them believe in karma, 29% in reincarnation and 20% in astrology. When it comes to activities equated with spirituality, 28% of Gen Z Australians practice meditation and 22% practice yoga. In Australia, spirituality is strongly, enduringly central to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, and culturally and religiously diverse communities. Yet until recently, spirituality has received far less attention than religion. Spirituality may be
5-31-2024

COMPANIES CAN IMPROVE THE SUSTAINABILITY OF THEIR PRODUCTS IN THE EARLIEST PRODUCT-DESIGN STAGES

An interdisciplinary team of researchers from Lithuanian and Italian universities propose a tool that allows companies to assess the circularity of their future products. The self-assessment tool emphasizes the co-creation of circular design in the early (creative) stages of product development, encouraging entrepreneurs and designers to think more systematically and collaborate better by integrating related stakeholders into the product development process. The study is published in the Journal of Industrial Ecology. “The majority of existing practical tools (systems of indicators) are aimed at measuring the environmental impact of products already
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

HOW THE ‘MODEL MINORITY’ MYTH HARMS ASIAN AMERICANS

May is Asian and Pacific American Heritage Month, a time when Americans celebrate the profound contributions of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders—a group that is commonly abbreviated as AAPI—to U.S. society. It’s also a time to acknowledge the complexity of AAPI experience. And as a professor who studies equity and inclusion in business, I think the focus on AAPI communities this month provides an excellent occasion to push back against a stereotype that has long misrepresented and marginalized a diverse range of people: the myth of the “model minority.” The
5-31-2024

WONDERING HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT CONSENT? HERE’S AN AGE-BASED GUIDE TO GET YOU STARTED

The Australian government’s new campaign Consent Can’t Wait challenges us all to improve our understanding of consent. It asks a series of questions to illustrate this issue is more complex than simplistic “no means no” messaging. The campaign invites viewers to consider the nuances of consent, so we can raise these important issues with children and young people in our lives. But what is a good age to start talking about consent? How do parents tackle such conversations when this information probably wasn’t readily discussed in our own upbringing? How
5-31-2024

A PRODUCT OF NATURE OR NURTURE?

The concept of cultural entrepreneurship has many facets. It encompasses both the cultural and social impact of entrepreneurial training, and the environmental factors that influence its development. Some societies, such as the U.S., have a strong entrepreneurial culture. This means that certain characteristics are celebrated and encouraged, such as the ability of individuals to assume risks, patience when confronting challenges, and innovative problem solving, especially in uncertain situations. However, not all countries have such an entrepreneurial culture. Entrepreneurship struggles to take off in Europe In general, entrepreneurship can drive economic
5-31-2024

STUDY BRIDGES ANIMAL BEHAVIOR RESEARCH AND COMPUTER CODING TO ENGAGE CHILDREN IN STEM

A graphic depicting a student coding. Credit: Carnegie Mellon University Teachers today face a bit of a conundrum, according to a new study from researchers at Carnegie Mellon University and the Rochester Institute of Technology. Their goal is to prepare young students to enter a rapidly changing world. Even basic jobs require technical proficiency, which requires computational and analytical skills. To address this need, many educators are pushing to fold these important STEM skills into elementary curriculum. Here’s the problem. Young students can lose interest and even develop an aversion
5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS VR CAN HELP TEACHERS BETTER DISTRIBUTE THEIR GAZE

On the left, a bird’s-eye view of the virtual classroom; on the right, screenshots of each of the four gaze-visualization conditions. Teachers need to know their material, but they must also keep their students engaged and interested. Part of that involves making eye contact with their students—all of them. A multidisciplinary team of researchers tested several methods of data visualization in an immersive virtual reality (VR) classroom, to give teachers a way to gauge
5-31-2024

MARKETERS CAN MANAGE ‘FEATURE CREEP’ SO CONSUMERS FEEL LESS INTIMIDATED BY TOO MANY FEATURES IN A PRODUCT

Wifi-enabled washing machines. Voice-controlled microwaves. App-enabled TVs, vacuum cleaners, and even window blinds you can control from the comfort of your couch. Many of the technological features now included in everyday products are useful and accessible. But research has shown that having too many can overwhelm potential buyers, making them less likely to make a purchase. In recent research, Wayne Hoyer, marketing professor and James L. Bayless/William S. Farrish Fund Chair for Free Enterprise at Texas McCombs, digs into the phenomenon of “feature creep” and its impact on consumer sentiment.
5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS EXPLAIN SOCIAL MEDIA’S ROLE IN RAPIDLY SHIFTING SOCIAL NORMS ON GENDER AND SEXUALITY

A new paper summarizing decades of research demonstrates how social media has supported an explosion of diversity in gender and sexuality in America during the 21st century, and also how these technologies have equally enabled a cultural backlash. The paper’s authors, UC Santa Cruz Psychology Department faculty members Phil Hammack and Adriana Manago, identified five main narratives about gender and sexuality that they believe emerged through social media as people have strived to be “authentic” on these platforms. The findings, along with resulting recommendations for psychology researchers and practitioners, were
5-31-2024

KEY FACTORS IN TRAINING ASSESSORS FOR ENHANCED PERFORMANCE RATINGS

New research is examining how organizations can improve their training programs by customizing frame-of-reference training to emphasize identifying negative behaviors critical to their goals. While assessors naturally identify positive behaviors, C. Allen Gorman, Ph.D., associate professor in UAB’s Department of Management, Information Systems and Quantitative Methods, says targeted training helps them recognize harmful actions that can hinder organizational objectives. Involving assessors in defining important performance dimensions and examples of behaviors, both good and
5-31-2024

STUDIES CHALLENGE WIDELY HELD BELIEFS ON APPLICANT DIVERSITY AND WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

Justin Frake is interested in cause-and-effect relationships in real-world data and the hidden dynamics that shape workplace behavior and equality—or inequality, as the case might be. His curiosity has led to research that challenges some popular beliefs as well as published studies related to women in the workforce. One study shows that firms promoting flatter hierarchies inadvertently discourage female applicants and another study counters several recent studies that claim women CEOs negatively impact career outcomes of other women. Both are published in the Strategic Management Journal. The assistant professor of
5-31-2024

CHALLENGING LEWIN’S MOTIVATIONAL CONFLICTS THEORY

A recent series of experiments challenges the longstanding theory of motivational conflict resolution introduced by Kurt Lewin. According to Lewin, conflicts between two undesirable outcomes (avoidance–avoidance conflicts) are typically harder to resolve than those between two desirable ones (approach–approach conflicts). Lewin posited that avoidance–avoidance conflicts, where individuals must choose between two undesirable outcomes, are typically more challenging to resolve compared to approach–approach conflicts, which involve choosing between two desirable options.
5-31-2024

MEN WITH ‘TOXIC MASCULINITY’ ARE MORE LIKELY TO MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES WITHOUT CONSENT, STUDY FINDS

No means no when it comes to sex. But what happens when a woman makes a more passive response to a sexual advance? According to new research from Binghamton University, men differ in how they interpret these types of responses, and men who display hostile masculinity, known commonly as “toxic masculinity,” tend to act on them regardless of whether or not they think it’s consensual. A team of researchers, including Binghamton psychology professor Richard Mattson and graduate student Michael Shaw asked men between the ages of 18–25 to respond to
5-31-2024

WHY WE DEHUMANIZE OUR POLITICAL OPPONENTS

Some of human history’s greatest atrocities—genocide, slavery, ethnic cleanings—are rooted in our ability to dehumanize people from other social, political, or cultural groups. Whereas prior research has traced dehumanization to the belief that others think or feel less than we do, new research co-authored by Haas professor Sameer Srivastava shows that our tendency to dehumanize can also be influenced by how we think others view important facets of the world. The greater the difference between our perceptions of an outgroup’s worldview
5-31-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS CHILDREN ARE OFTEN EXPOSED TO PROBLEMATIC CLICK BAIT DURING YOUTUBE SEARCHES

When a child peruses YouTube, the content recommended to them is not always age appropriate, a new study suggests. Researchers mimicked search behaviors of children using popular search terms, such as memes, Minecraft and Fortnite, and captured video thumbnails recommended at the end of each video. Among the 2,880 thumbnails analyzed, many contained problematic click bait, such as violence or frightening images, according to the Michigan Medicine led research in JAMA Network Open. “Children spend a significant amount of time on free video sharing platforms that include user-generated content,” said
5-31-2024

STUDY FINDS WOMEN ARE VULNERABLE IN POST-WAR PEACE PROCESSES

Post-war peace processes are a dangerous period for women. Many are forced to live close to men who committed serious abuse during the war or are expected to testify in various types of truth commissions, which can be both retraumatizing and stigmatizing. These are the findings of a new study by peace researchers at Uppsala University, published in the journal PLOS ONE. “In short, peace projects can force women to live side by side with ex-combatants who committed atrocities during the war. This puts them at risk of further threat
5-31-2024

HOW EMBRACING THE CRINGE CAN HELP YOUR DATING LIFE

We can all agree that dating is hard. Getting to know people can feel vulnerable, but at the same time, exciting. We can also agree that feeling rejected can be one of the worst feelings, especially after we put ourselves out there. Dating can also expose us to a lot of cringey things, maybe even something we didn’t know we’d consider cringey. Think of cringe like something that makes you uncomfortable, or something about someone else that you don’t find attractive. Before dating, most of us consider what we’re looking
5-31-2024

PERSONAL CONNECTIONS AT WORK POSITIVELY IMPACT RETENTION AND MENTAL HEALTH, SAYS REPORT

New survey results from Wiley suggest people still feel connected at work despite the prevalence of hybrid and remote work environments and the rise of artificial intelligence (AI). According to the latest Wiley Workplace Intelligence report, “Human Connection: The Crucial Secret to Thriving in the Digital Age,” nearly 8 in 10 employees surveyed (78%) said they feel connected with their coworkers, and almost 7 in 10 (69%) said they also enjoy making connections with their colleagues. Around half even said they want to learn more about their coworkers by doing
5-31-2024

RESEARCHER DEVELOPS MODEL OF INFLUENCER IMPORTANCE WITHIN INSTAGRAM NETWORKS

A study has provided new insights into social media influencers, particularly focusing on those in the women’s fashion sector on the well-known image and video sharing platform Instagram. In a departure from the approach taken by earlier studies, Jens K. Perret of the International School of Management in Cologne, Germany, has used network statistics and centrality measures to establish a model of influencer importance within their network. Perret analyzed data from 255 influencers covering a four-year period. Influencers are loosely
5-31-2024

MOST PEOPLE TRUST ACCURATE SEARCH RESULTS WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH, STUDY FINDS

Rank (X-axis) does not affect the evaluation of trustworthiness (Y-axis, mean-centered) of accurate results. This lack of relationship is robust across experiments (columns) and for clicked results (top row, red) as well as non-clicked results (bottom row, blue). The trend lines represent the predicted change in trustworthiness ratings per unit decrease in rank fitted by the linear regression models. Credit: Scientific Reports (2024). DOI: 10.1038/s41598-024-61645-8 Using experiments with COVID-19 related queries, Cornell sociology and information science researchers found that in a public health emergency, most people pick out and click
5-31-2024

MISLEADING COVID-19 HEADLINES FROM MAINSTREAM SOURCES DID MORE HARM ON FACEBOOK THAN FAKE NEWS, STUDY FINDS

Despite the greater potency of “fake news” on Facebook to discourage Americans from taking the COVID-19 vaccine, users’ greater exposure to unflagged, vaccine-skeptical content meant the latter had a much greater negative effect on vaccine uptake. Credit: Jennifer Allen, Duncan Watts, David G. Rand Since the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccine in 2021, fake news on social media has been widely blamed for low vaccine uptake in the United States—but research by MIT Sloan School of Management Ph.D. candidate Jennifer Allen and Professor David Rand finds that the blame lies
5-31-2024

CRITICAL DIALOGUE HELPS STRAIGHT MEN CONFRONT SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC BELIEFS

Adult heterosexual men with sexist and homophobic views can potentially improve their attitudes toward gay men and women by engaging in critical dialogues that use illustrations as a springboard, according to a new University of Michigan study. The work is published in the journal Sexual and Gender Diversity in Social Services. The process by which people shift from a prejudicial stance to one of relative acceptance is a key innovation of the study. Guided by trained facilitators, critical dialogues reflect illustrations depicting different gender roles and sexual identities. The images
5-31-2024

RELIEVING A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

If you dread public speaking you are not alone. It is a leading social phobia, one that can cause a state of anxiety that reduces otherwise articulate people to nervous incoherence. A strong fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia. Academic studies estimate it affects 20% of the population, but depending on the sample and methodology, the figure could be as high as 40%. As American writer and humourist Mark Twain said, “There are two types of speakers: Those who get nervous and those who are liars.” But help
5-31-2024

HOW SOME PRIVATE COMPANIES ARE MARKETING TECH AND AI SOLUTIONS

How do universities and colleges decide who to admit? Given the earnings advantage of a post-secondary degree both globally and in Canada, this is an important social mobility question. While the answer varies from one institution to the next, most focus on education criteria like exam scores and grades. However, Canada’s new intake cap on study permit applications puts increased pressure on Canadian institutions to also consider immigration criteria when admitting international undergraduate students. This is just the latest example of immigration’s growing influence on the societal roles of Canadian

For context, I am 14F (turning 15 in November), and I feel like I cannot do this anymore.
First of all my parents continuously, argue. My parents always argue about their relationship, in front of me and my siblings, and bring us into the arguments. For example, my parents constantly argue about infidelity within the relationship, and during the argument, they will come to our rooms and bombard us with all this information about the infidelity within the relationship. Even if we ask not to be included for some odd reason we are forever included, and they always bring out their issues on us. After their arguments, they’ll be very bitter towards me specifically (mainly my mother), and they’ll lecture me about little things that my older sibling can get away with. They continue to argue with me until they make up and they treat it as if it’s my fault. Whenever my parents get upset with me after they argue, they threaten to leave my other parent, and leave me with them. Even though they constantly complain about each other’s physical and mental abuse, they always put us in situations where we also have to deal with that, (and like I said before) they weaponized it. my parents are always too busy being mad at each other to be real parents. They forever leave me to watch my little sister, and to protect her when they are arguing. Even though they understand that my little sister is easily frightened, they continue to be loud and throw things and hit each other when the baby is awake or around.
Secondly, talking about my personal mental health is frowned upon. whenever I bring up how I feel, my parents always say I’m being overdramatic, and that I need to calm down. there’s a lot more that they do have some at the house but I don’t really wanna get into all of it.
Third, similar to my last issue, they do not take my physical health seriously. I constantly have issues with my physical health, and they always tell me to either hold on or that I’m being dramatic. They always tell me that I’m a liar, whenever I tell them about how I physically feel. My parents especially call me a liar when they have not personally experienced what I am describing (when is comes to physical pain or uncomfortable sensations).
Finally, there are extreme amounts of favoritism between me and my siblings. My siblings barely ever get told that they were going to have to go through physical and mental abuse. My parents continuously tell me how nobody’s going to grow up to love me because of how I act and that if I don’t fix my attitude that I’m not gonna be successful (mind you, I act like my mom.) my parents continuously tell me how they don’t wanna deal with me even though I am the least problematic child. I barely ever get into fights. I get good grades. I have good attendance at school, and I even do my housework. My older sister, however, does not listen does not get good grades, but she gets praise for having straight D’s on her report card. I am always getting threaten to get my phone taken or that one of my parents are going to lay their hands on me however, my sister never gets told any of that.
At this point, I don’t know what to do because everything is getting more extreme by the day. There’s so much going on that I couldn’t cover it all on this post because I don’t want it to be too too long however, there is more. Can someone please help me how to manage this because at this point, I’m contemplating whether or not I wanna run away.

I am a 16 year old, finishing gr 11 and soon turning 17 and going into grade 12. Additionally, I am moving to a new area where I have some friends, more to talk about that later.
I have this problem of incofidence that I formed at some point after entering high school, the root of which is a fear of being judged. I feel like I am always being watched and judged for every little action which limits me from being myself.
I can walk up to girls and start a conversation, but I have no idea what to talk about most of the time. I know I can have great conversations and sometimes I do, but most of the time like I said earlier I have no idea what to start the conversation on. Sometimes I'll have a great start, but it dies off. It doesn't die off because of the other person, but because I truly have no idea how to continue it. I want to learn how to always find something to talk about.
As of my friends in the new area, some are girls and some are boys, but I don't feel like I am the most integrated in this friend group, because I live 30 min away and because of my inconfidence. I am scared that when I move, something will go wrong and I won't have anyone to hang out with. I know I will have to make new friends, but it scares me to think I won't be someone's best friend, only their second or 3rd on the call up list. However, I know I can definitely integrate into a friend group or two given I get over my inconfidence.
Additionally, I haven't gotten my first kiss yet. I want to get a girlfriend, but I know with my current state of inconfidence it will never happen. I am not scared to ask a girl I'm into out (story below), but I don't have any girl I am into that I could ask out at the moment.
The last major step I have seen was when I asked the girl I was into 1.5 months ago. It was huge cause she was my friend's sister, so I asked him if it was okay with him, and then ask her. It was a fuck it choice from the night before after a pep talk from my friend, and since then my confidence has improved massively but not enough.
I don't know what to do. I have to get rid of this problem so I can be normal and have great friends, a girl, and anything else I want. I don't want to be alone in my head all the time, or at a hangout just sitting doing nothing cause I have no idea what to talk to ppl about or what to do with myself. I know I can, but I don't know how, so I decided to ask for help.

I am a 16 year old, finishing gr 11 and soon turning 17 and going into grade 12. Additionally, I am moving to a new area where I have some friends, more to talk about that later.
I have this problem of incofidence that I formed at some point after entering high school, the root of which is a fear of being judged. I feel like I am always being watched and judged for every little action which limits me from being myself.
I can walk up to girls and start a conversation, but I have no idea what to talk about most of the time. I know I can have great conversations and sometimes I do, but most of the time like I said earlier I have no idea what to start the conversation on. Sometimes I'll have a great start, but it dies off. It doesn't die off because of the other person, but because I truly have no idea how to continue it. I want to learn how to always find something to talk about.
As of my friends in the new area, some are girls and some are boys, but I don't feel like I am the most integrated in this friend group, because I live 30 min away and because of my inconfidence. I am scared that when I move, something will go wrong and I won't have anyone to hang out with. I know I will have to make new friends, but it scares me to think I won't be someone's best friend, only their second or 3rd on the call up list. However, I know I can definitely integrate into a friend group or two given I get over my inconfidence.
Additionally, I haven't gotten my first kiss yet. I want to get a girlfriend, but I know with my current state of inconfidence it will never happen. I am not scared to ask a girl I'm into out (story below), but I don't have any girl I am into that I could ask out at the moment.
The last major step I have seen was when I asked the girl I was into 1.5 months ago. It was huge cause she was my friend's sister, so I asked him if it was okay with him, and then ask her. It was a fuck it choice from the night before after a pep talk from my friend, and since then my confidence has improved massively but not enough.
I don't know what to do. I have to get rid of this problem so I can be normal and have great friends, a girl, and anything else I want. I don't want to be alone in my head all the time, or at a hangout just sitting doing nothing cause I have no idea what to talk to ppl about or what to do with myself. I know I can, but I don't know how, so I decided to ask for help.

Raw, April 8th, 2024

Liv Morgan pushes Rhea Ripley into a wall backstage. Rhea Ripley suffered a sprained AC joint in her shoulder which means she will need about three months to recover.
Liv Morgan Sucks.

Raw, April 15th, 2024

Adam Pearce addresses the WWE Universe and announces the injury to Rhea Ripley before stating a battle royal will take place the following week to crown the new Women's World Champion.
Rhea Ripley is nowhere to be seen on the show as she does not announce the injury herself, however we do get a segment backstage between Adam Pearce and Judgment Day. Damian Priest tells Adam Pearce he is making a grave mistake by forcing Rhea Ripley to vacate the championship, but Adam Pearce hears none of it. Pearce is adamant that the battle royal will take place and a new champion will be crowned. Priest tells Adam Pearce that he can call any woman on the roster a "champion," but there is no chance Rhea is going to hand over her belt without a fight.
Pearce, for his part, tells Damian Priest that he expects Rhea Ripley to show up to Raw next weeks and relinquish her title, for if she does not, then he may have to strip Damian Priest of his World Heavyweight Championship.
"Like it or not, I will have a championship belt in my hand by the end of Raw next week. I'll let your little group decide which title is vacated."

Raw, April 22nd, 2024

The Battle Royal takes place almost exactly as it did in real life. Becky Lynch wins the battle royal by last eliminating Liv Morgan.
After the match, Rhea Ripley's music hits and she comes out with one arm in a sling and the Women's Championship dangling from the other.
"Congratulations, Becky. You entered this battle royal with 13 other women and proved that you deserve this championship by beating each and every woman on the roster.... well, except for me....

...and one other woman."

Just then, Shayna Baszler blasts Becky Lynch from behind and locks in the Kirifuda Clutch before tossing Becky Lynch over the top rope. Shayna follows Becky to the outside and continues to beat her down until the two are separated by security.
Adam Pearce storms passed Rhea Ripley on the ramp and asks her what the hell she has done.
Rhea replies, "You wanted a champion, Pearce? I gave you a champion."
Shayna is escorted back up the ramp and passes Rhea. Rhea hands her the belt and Shayna holds the title high to close out the segment.

Rhea Ripley Exclusive Interview

In an exclusive WWE.com interview, Rhea Ripley is asked about her newfound alliance with Shayna Baszler. Rhea states that when she was climbing the ranks in NXT, Shayna Baszler was the toughest opponent she had to face. Even though Rhea suffered losses to the likes of Charlotte Flair and Iyo Sky, Shayna Baszler never failed to make Rhea Ripley hurt every time they stepped in the ring together.
And now, Rhea wants that same pain inflicted on every woman of the Raw roster.
Rhea states that Shayna Baszler is now a full fledged member of the Judgment Day and despite their storied rivalry in NXT, the two are now so close that they are practically sisters and Rhea believes Shayna is fully capable of defending the Women's title until Rhea is healthy enough to return.
"If you think the women's roster was in trouble with Mami on top, wait until you see what Auntie Baszler has in store for them."

Raw, April 29th, 2024

Becky Lynch arrives at the arena and makes a beeline for the ring. Bex takes a mic and tells the crowd she's been pissed off for a week and now she's calling out Shayna Baszler. Baszler does not come out right away so Becky Lynch continues, calling the attack last week bullshit and claiming the last time she faced Shayna Baszler one on one, Becky Lynch was pregnant and she STILL kicked Shayna's ass.
Shayna Baszler arrives with Judgment Day music and the Women's Championship dangling from her hand. Shayna admits Becky bested her at Wrestlemania 36, but much has changed in four years. Shayna has four more years of training while it seems Becky Lynch is only losing momentum. Shayna reveals Adam Pearce will not recognize her as the Interim Women's Champion but states if she makes Becky bleed just as she did four years ago, maybe she will finally give Adam Pearce something to recognize. At this point Shayna has entered the ring and Becky Lynch responds by headbutting her directly on the nose. Becky pounces on Shayna with strikes, forcing Shayna out of the ring, leaving the Women's title behind. As Becky raises the title above her head, Shayna looks on from the ramp laughing, blood dripping from her nose into her maw, staining the mouthguard.
Later in the night, Becky Lynch meets with Adam Pearce in his office and hands him the Women's title. Becky tells Pearce that she collected his bounty, that she got the title back for him, and now she wants him to make the match for Backlash, Becky Vs Baszler. Adam Pearce thanks Becky for her help and grants her request.

Backlash 2024

• Shayna Baszler Vs Becky Lynch for the Women's World Championship

A big bienvenue from Lyons, France.
I struggled with posting on Reddit yesterday so I'm just going to try and hit the finish on each of the matches in this booking.
Becky Lynch tries for the Manhandle Slam but Shayna rolls through the Pumphandle and locks Becky in the Kirifuda. Baszler's arm is wrested on Becky's chin as the Lasskicker struggles to fight out. Becky reaches between her legs to pick Baszler's leg for the takedown but Baszler, anticipating this, takes ahold of Becky's wrist with one hand, executes a half nelson with the other, and drops Becky on her head with a Pumphandle Half-Nelson Suplex. Baszler holds the bridge and gets the pin.
Shayna Baszler defeats Becky Lynch to become the new Women's World Champion.

A Trip to NXT

I'm keeping Shayna Baszler off of King of the Ring partially because I switched the Becky match with the Bayley triple threat from Backlash in my headcanon, and partially because I don't want Shayna thrown from a roof.
So instead, in anticipation of NXT Battleground, Shayna Baszler ventures down to NXT where she participates in weekly squash matches to get several moves over. Over the next five weeks, Shayna picks up wins with the following moves:

• Cross Armbar
• Kimura Lock
• Knee Bar
• Kirifuda Clutch
• And a Gutwrench Suplex where Shayna simply drops Lola Vice on her head.

At NXT Battleground, Shayna Baszler takes on Masha Slamovich in a rematch from their shoot fight at Bloodsport which Shayna wins by referee decision upon using her Pumphandle Half Nelson Suplex that she is now calling "The Queen's Suplex."
Meanwhile, at King of the Ring, Liv Morgan defeated Naomi to win the Queen's Crown to earn a title shot at Clash at the Castle.

Back on Raw

Shayna Baszler returns to Raw and we begin a storyline that makes it clear Shayna is a bit of an awkward fit in the Judgment Day. Shayna approaches her involvement as very businesslike and not as warm or personable as Rhea is with the likes of Dom, Finn or Priest. With this, there are several differences in reaction. Finn respects the business mentality and has no issue in keeping things professional; Damian Priest and Shayna constantly butt heads and argue, but it is also clear that Priest enjoys the challenge of working with Shayna and respects how easily she can dissect most of the women's roster; JD McDonagh thinks Shayna Baszler is hot and tries coming on to her at every opportunity...
And then there's Dom.
It's not Shayna's fault, she didn't ask for any of this or to fill this role, but Dom simply misses Mami. Dom is seen immediately leaving the scene whenever Shayna comes into frame and has a dreadful facial expression whenever attention is brought to Shayna as the group stands in the ring.
And Liv Morgan has apparently caught onto this.
Just as in real life, Liv Morgan is seen speaking to Dom backstage as tensions boil over between herself and Judgment Day. Liv openly gloats about injuring Rhea Ripley which angers all of Judgment Day and seems to infuriate Dominik as well.
On the go-home show to Clash, Shayna hatches a plot that sees JD and Finn kidnap Liv and bring her to the ring. Dom and Shayna follow the group and once in the ring, Shayna begins mercilessly stomping on Liv Morgan's head before drawing her up in the Kirifuda Clutch.
Just then, Finn Balor hands Dominik Mysterio a Police Grade, Smith and Wesson 16 Extendable Baton and Shayna instructs him to bash Liv over the head with it. Dom hesitates but grows with anger as Shayna yells at him, telling him this is the girl who broke his heart. This is the girl who sent Mami away. And with that, Dom rears back and strikes Liv in the stomach.
Liv collapses to the mat as Judgment Day leave with Dom in tow, but Dirty Dom cannot help but look back at Liv Morgan, crumpled in the ring alone.

Clash at the Castle 2024

• Shayna Baszler Vs Liv Morgan for the Women's World Championship

Liv Morgan's music hits but she is nowhere to be seen. Shayna's music hits and the champion is out promptly with Dom and JD. Shayna taunts Liv for either missing her flight or being too cowardly to show her face in Scotland and demands the referee ring the bell and begin a countout. The referee counts to 7 before Liv's music hits once more and out she comes....
... and Liv has brought Hell with her.
Liv is armed to the teeth with a bulletproof vest, helmet and multiple weapons. Dom and JD race into the aisle to restrain her but Liv electrocutes JD with a cattle prod and maces Dominik with pepper spray. Shayna rolls from the ring and grabs a Kendo Stick to defend herself and strikes at Liv but the bulletproof vest stops the force. Liv headbutts Shayna with the helmet and picks up the Kendo Stick herself, swatting at Shayna through the crowd until Liv finally knocks Shayna out on a table with another stiff headbutt with the helmet. Liv then climbs to the balcony and dives off with a Splash, sending Shayna through the table and ending the segment.
The match is thrown out as a No Contest but it is clear there is still bad blood between Liv and Shayna that must be resolved. On the following Raw, Liv Vs Shayna is made official for Money in the Bank per Shayna Baszler's request, but under Liv's request the match will be held under Street Fight rules.
P.S. Apparently Liv and Shayna have had a TON of street fights on house shows last year. Who knew?

Money in the Bank 2024

• Shayna Baszler Vs Liv Morgan for the Women's World Championship in a Street Fight

Liv comes out in the Riott (haha) gear and Shayna is dressed in a standard Gi. Shayna begins the match by systematically dismantling Liv's gear and stripping her of the helmet and bulletproof vest. Shayna continues to lay in strikes until Liv gets the upperhand by blasting Shayna with a fire extinguisher from under the ring.
Liv would continue to fight back with a Kendo Stick until JD and Finn Balor would get involved, however, Liv dispatched of them quickly by tasing JD and bashing Finn off the apron with a riot shield, sending him through a table at ringside. Here, Shayna would take control by attacking Liv from behind, just as Dominik Mysterio would make his presence known in the ring. Dom, carrying the Smith and Wesson baton, is instructed by Shayna to strike Liv in the head to end the match. Shayna pulls Liv into the Kirifuda Clutch and tells Dom to end it. Dom swings...
AND LIV DUCKS! DOM STRIKES SHAYNA IN THE HEAD!
Shayna falls to the mat in a heap as Dom drops the baton in shock. Liv snatches the baton while Dom is distracted and begins leveling him with numerous shots, sending Latino Heat Jr. out of the ring. Liv grabs the riot shield and goes to the top, coming down on Shayna hard with a shield-assisted Splash.
1.
2.
KICKOUT BY SHAYNA!
Liv is despondent and begins to cry in frustration, but she then rolls out of the ring and produces a sack from underneath the ring. Coming back in, Shayna is dazed and just about to her feet as Liv empties the contents, littering the ring with thousands and thousands of thumbtacks. Shayna grimaces in disgust before she and Liv start trading blows in the center of the tack filled ring. Shayna gets the better of Liv and goes for a Gutwrench Suplex only for Liv to land on her feet and execute a vicious Back Body Drop! Shayna cries out in pain as a hundred tacks pierce her back with Liv stalking her as she rises to her knees. Liv measures Shayna and his Ob-Liv-ion into the tacks but is slow to the cover after landing in the thumbtacks herself. Liv crawls to the cover when suddenly...

RHEA RIPLEY!

Rhea enters the ring and collects Liv before she can make the pinfall, grabbing her in a Pumphandle and dropping her right back into the tacks with the Riptide! Rhea then drags a dazed Shayna Baszler over top of Liv Morgan and the ref counts the stacked pin with Mami on top.
Shayna Baszler defeats Liv Morgan to retain the Women's World Championship.

Raw, July 8th, 2024

Rhea Ripley returns to Raw with Shayna Baszler and announces that she is cleared to wrestle. Rhea thanks the fans for their support and especially thanks Shayna Baszler for holding down Judgment Day in her absence and reigning as a phenomenal Women's Champion. However, Rhea states that she is ready to handle things from here and Shayna is no longer needed as Interim Champion. With that, Rhea extends her hand and asks Shayna Baszler to please return the Women's Champion to its rightful owner.
Shayna takes the microphone and tells Rhea it is good to have her back on Raw and she is glad she is healthy. Shayna thanks Rhea for her help at Money in the Bank and is happy she got some measure of revenge over Liv Morgan, and she closes by saying the following:
"Rhea, I love you like a sister, but if you want this title back you are going to have to take it from my cold, dead hands."
Rhea's expression falls as she and Shayna drop their mics, squaring up to each other. Rhea and Shayna exchange a few words off mic before Shayna fires the first shot and the two begin scrapping in the middle of the ring! Security rush down to ringside with Judgment Day as Dom and Priest help restrain Rhea and JD and Finn help restrain Shayna. The scene is utter chaos as Raw ends with both women fighting like hell to attack each other.

Raw, July 15th, 2024

Rhea Ripley stakes her claim to the Women's World Championship, citing the fact she never lost the title and Shayna was only ever made Interim Champion. Adam Pearce grants this, but only if Rhea can defend the title next week on Raw.

Raw, July 22nd, 2024

Rhea Ripley successfully defends the title against Liv Morgan. Rhea sells the shoulder after the match and is then attacked by Shayna Baszler. Shayna locks in the Kirifuda Clutch and Rhea fades in the ring despite rising to her feet multiple times, fighting the hold. Shayna stands over Rhea's prone body and says at Summerslam she will become the Undisputed Women's Champion.

Raw, July 29th, 2024

Rhea and Shayna are interviewed in separate locations via satellite as they both sign a contract for the match at Summerslam. Rhea says this is usually the part where she slams Shayna through a table but instead of that, she's going to save all of her aggression for Summerslam when she walks out the winner.

Summerslam 2024

• Shayna Baszler Vs Rhea Ripley for the Undisputed Women's World Championship

Rhea makes good on her promise and starts the match out hot with Shayna, dropping her early with a big boot and hard Irish whip into the corner. Shayna rolls out of the ring and Rhea follows, launching her into the barricade and bashing her head off the ringpost before bringing her back into the ring. A small cut has formed above Shayna's right eye and Shayna looks dazed as Rhea tackles her in the ring and throws a number of punches to the head. The referee pulls Rhea off after a warning and Rhea yells out to the crowd to thunderous cheers. Shayna stumbles to her feet and Rhea levels her with a pair of dropkicks before bridging her into a 2 count with a Northern Lights Suplex.
Rhea sends Shayna back into the corner but Shayna kicks out Rhea's leg, sending her into the middle turnbuckle. Shayna takes over with a series of well placed strikes before locking Rhea in an Armbar, but Rhea fights to her feet and hits a Riptide!
1.
2.
Kickout by Shayna!
Rhea shows some frustration and looks to the corner, remembering what it took years ago to beat Shayna Baszler in NXT. Rhea carries Shayna with her to the turnbuckle and lifts her to the second rope. Rhea sits herself on the top and prepares to lift Shayna for the Avalanche Riptide but Shayna is fighting back with back elbows. Shayna has the upperhand now and turns to face Rhea head on. Shayna headbutts Rhea twice before sinking her teeth directly into Rhea's forehead. Rhea cries out in pain as a close up camera shot shows a line of blood dripping down! Shayna Baszler has just busted Rhea Ripley open with her teeth! Shayna hops down back into the ring and takes Rhea's leg out from under her, slamming her back first into the top turnbuckle. Rhea flops down into the ring, still horrified by Shayna's primal tactics as Shayna draws her up and plants her with the Queen's Suplex right into a Kirifuda Clutch. Rhea hangs on and even manages to rise to her feet, only for Shayna to plant her with a second Queen's Suplex. Shayna locks in the Kirifuda once again and Rhea Ripley passes out.
Shayna Baszler defeats Rhea Ripley to become the Undisputed Women's World Champion.

Continued by Toa in Part 2

This book is from the 90s or earlier, I believe. The cover I remember has the main character, a girl who is in third or second grade. She is standing with her arms crossed and she has long black hair. She has extremely high intelligence, a genius level I think, and she gets bullied by both students and teachers for coming off as strange due to this. Her mother is no longer alive. Her name is Angelina or Angelique, or something like that.

If you haven't read the first one I recommend you do. https://www.reddit.com/Advice/comments/1d61yop/pt_1_how_do_i_make_this_better_between_me_and_my/
I don't know if I'm writing a 3 rd one I am drained and tired from crying a little
Second thing
She thinks I put other people over her and I know exactly what she means also. She thinks that I put my family back in the Bahamas over the family I have over here aka my sisters and my cousin. She thinks that I would put someone over them, which wouldn't wouldn't. The main thing with this conflict that she's always bringing up is that she thinks I love my grandmother more than her. Is that true, well yeah I think so. My grandmother is more caring and my grandmother is 71. My mother's point for this is that she carried me for 9 months and she pushed me out saying that because of that she should be the number one woman in my life. Don't get me wrong I love my mother I can't abandon her, but she has to realize I love my grandmother so dam much she is the most important woman if not the most important. I have a connection with her I don't have with my mother yet because my grandmother raised me with my dad's side of the family most of my life. She has to realize my grandmother is 71 and as much as I hate to say it I don't have that much time with my grandmother. As writing this I tearing up a little but it's true. She was soon dead and gone I will never hear her voice talking to me again dawg and that hurt. I have already come to terms with it because that's life and I have to deal with it no matter what. I ain't ready for her to leave me and honestly, when she goes I don't know what ima do. But what I'm trying to say is I can't put her over my grandmother who raised me, don't feel like that right to my grandmother and to my grandmother's family who invested so much in me. I feel like just because she doesn't my mother doesn't mean I can't put her above my grandmother.
She always used the point that a couple of days ago when I got a new PC and it wasn't working I asked my mom's best friend's husband (who we call uncle and I will continue to say that to make it easier) to see if he could help me because he has a masters in IT and studied it. While my stepdad's dad doesn't have a masters in IT and mostly did Law he didn't even finish his law degree. So let me ask you this who would you ask for help? I called my uncle and he came and he told me he couldn't figure out what was wrong with it and returned it to get my money back. What my mom told me is that my stepdad was upset because I didn't ask him to help me first, when he was probably going to tell me he didn't know and I would've been in the same spot as before. She said even though my uncle studied IT I should've asked my stepdad. For what to waste time? I went with the most logical thing and called my uncle. Why would I go to my stepdad who was probably going to tell me that he didn't know what the problem was and to go ahead and call my uncle? My mom said that I still should've asked him and let him help me because I might have hurt his feelings.
Honestly, guys while growing up with my grandmother my uncle always taught me to make the best decisions that make the most sense, and not waste my time. Forget about people's feelings and get done what I need to get done. I am sorry if it hurt my stepdad's feelings but I didn't want to waste my time getting nowhere.
Back to my family troubles. My mom was telling me I needed to step up because my older sister who is the oldest wasn't in the right head space all she cared about was the man. She said I must always help my sisters and be there for them and she said if I'm getting food (With the money my grandmotheuncle gives me) I should ask my sisters if they want food as well and let them say no. As much as I agree with what she's saying. What if they say yes and I have no money to get one of my sisters something?
She said that I must use my money to go and get food for all of them if I have the money. Keep in mind my second youngest sister who is going into 11th grade, my cousin and my older sisters smoke and vape, and my grandmother sends 20$ for them sometimes so they don't have to ask me for money.
My sisters still spend it on vapes to smoke and I must still buy them food. My mother doesn't know but my stepdad does he doesn't want to tell my mother because she blows everything out of proportion, but I want all to know if I order food and my sisters want some I would give it to them because at the end of the day its just food. I don't understand why she brings it up every time.
Again y'all I just don't know what to do I'm out of all options and I'm just tired.

If I got only A's the first semester, then second semester I got a couple B's. Are both terms considered or just final term?

When I was ten, I formed a junior detective squad.
Mom bought me the entire box set of What's New Scooby Doo, and I was inspired to start my very own detective gang. I held auditions outside the gymnasium at recess (serious enquiries only) after a number of kids tried to apply for the role of Scooby Doo despite me reiterating I was not interested in playing make believe.
When I was laughed at in class, I made posters strictly asking for SERIOUS wannabe detectives, even going as far as using my Mom’s printer to make flyers, sticking them all over the school.
Auditions were simple. I asked them to solve a simple riddle.
Whoever impressed me got to sign their name down, and I’d get back to them.
I spent three days sifting through kids who definitely had charm, but they lacked the intelligence of a junior detective. Most kids were only auditioning to make fun of me, anyway.
Still, though, I didn't give up.
My flyers had five requirements:
1). You had to be smart.
2). You were not allowed to be a scaredy cat.
3). You had to accept your inevitable death at the hands of our town’s evil villains.
4). You had to have a fully registered driving licence (I quickly changed this to a bike).
5). You cannot have a criminal record.
(I later scribbled this one out, writing over it. *“You cannot have any tardies.”
Narrowing the applicants down to three kids, all of whom failed to share my enthusiasm for solving cases. The kids I picked didn't even know how to make plans, and when I invited them to my house, they stole my Mom’s necklace.
I didn't even need to solve the mystery of who stole Mom’s necklace. The girl was wearing it at school. I punched her in the face, and was immediately sent to the principal’s office. When I was being given the mother all lectures, the door quietly opened, a head peeking through.
It was Ben Callows, a freckly kid with overgrown brown hair hanging in his eyes. Ben really needed a haircut.
He was always wearing the exact same baseball cap, and I found myself wondering if it was permanently glued to his head, stuck on top of unruly brown curls practically matted to his forehead.
In class, Ben was also known as Bloody Ben. In the second grade, the boy had a nosebleed in the middle of a spelling test, bleeding all over his paper.
It's not like he didn't try and detach himself from the name.
Ben brought in Digimon cards, so kids would call him Digimon Ben instead.
Then he “accidentally” spilled yoghurt down his shirt in hopes we would call him Yoghurt Ben. But no. The kids in our class were relentless in reminding him of his name. No matter what he did, he was still Bloody Ben, and when anything related to blood came up in class, fifteen pairs of eyes would swivel to him, like he had invented the concept of bleeding.
I feared the nickname would follow him to junior high.
Ben didn't wait to be let in. He didn't even knock, striding in with his arms folded. Over the years, Bloody Ben, had definitely soured his personality.
He smiled rarely, and when he did smile, someone was falling over or hurting themselves.
Which definitely strengthened the claims of him being a sociopath.
The rumor mill was churning, with the latest claiming Bloody Ben killed his cat. That wasn't true. Ben’s cat was seventeen with cancer, and that was why he was sobbing all the way through reading time.
According to Ellie Daly, however, Ben had killed and dissected his kitty, and buried her in his Mom’s flowers.
Now, my principal did not like being interrupted, especially when she was in the middle of screaming at me.
Principal Marrow was old old (like, thirty, in my ten year old mind) stick thin like a pencil, and always wore the same stained sweater.
She used to be pretty, but I was convinced she had kissed a frog and been cursed. After our old principal suffered a stroke, she stepped in as a temporary replacement, and since becoming principal, had banned my favorite book series, colored shoe laces, and hamburger helper, even officiating a uniform.
(vomit green shorts and a tee, and plain white sneakers).
Kids were convinced she was a witch, and I kind of believed it.
Principal Marrow’s whole existence was built on sucking the fun out of school.
I was already reprimanded for my mystery gang flyers.
Her office smelled of peppermint and she was definitely sneaking sips of whisky in her coffee cup. I could see the bottle sticking out of the trash.
She straightened up, folding her arms across her chest, squinty eyes narrowing at the boy. I had spent the whole time she was lecturing me trying not to cry, my fists bunched in my lap.
I took the distraction as the perfect opportunity to swipe at my eyes, allowing myself to breathe.
Ben Callows was her victim now.
I was right. The woman's voice was like a thunderclap in my ears.
“You better have a good reason for not knocking, young man.”
Ben wasn't fazed by her tone. “You took my Switch two weeks ago,” he said, “I want it back, or I’m telling my Mom.”
At first, I thought I'd misheard him.
No, I was pretty sure he'd threatened our principal.
I swore I heard all of the breath sucked from the room.
“I'm sorry,” Principal Marrow cleared her throat. Her soft tone was dangerous.
She wasn't being nice. The lady was about to explode.
I could see visible veins straining in her temples, her right eye twitching.
It was straight out of a cartoon.
“Did you forget something, Ben?”
Ben sighed, like she was inconveniencing him.
He held out his hand. “Please can I have my Switch back? It counts as stolen property. Give it back, or I'm telling my Mom.”
The kid put so much emphasis on the word please, I couldn't resist a smile.
I think our principal was too shocked to get angry.
“Get out.” She said, firmly. “I don't have your gaming device.”
“It's in your drawer.” Ben nodded to her desk, “Under your divorce papers and the restraining order ordered by Jake Willow, the seventeen year old boy you've been having math ‘tutoring sessions’ with.” He quoted the air, his gaze lazily rolling to me. “Tutoring”
Principal Marrow went deathly pale, her eyes darkening.
“Benjamin Callows–”
“The school already knows about the restraining order, but your uncle is the head of the Board of Education, so all you get is a slap on the wrist and a warning to leave the boy alone."
Ben continued, and I found myself mesmerised by his words. He was a natural, his expression stoic, mouth curved with satisfaction that wasn't quite a smile. “However.” He held up his phone, pulling it away at the exact moment the teacher attempted to grab it. “You were outside Jake Willow’s house at 6:12am, drunk, and trying to climb through his window, which, I think violates the restraining order, does it not?”
Ben pretended to think real hard, his gaze flicking to the ceiling.
“I mean, I'm just a kid, right?” His mouth curled into the hint of a smirk
“What do I know, huh?”
Principal Marrow’s expression twisted, her lip wobbling.
“Mr Callows, remove yourself from my office, or I am calling your father.”
Leaning comfortably against the door, Ben’s lip twitched.
“Why? Are you planning on telling my Dad about your relations with a teenage boy, or will I have to tell him instead?”
I was enthralled, and fully disgusted, making a move to inch away from the woman.
“But it doesn't end there.” Ben continued. He straightened up, taking slow, intimidating steps towards the woman's desk. “You don't even want Jake, do you? Because, once upon a time, you were in love with his father. Jason Willow. You despised him for rejecting you, so you decided to defile his son.” Ben leaned over the principal’s desk, slipping his hand into the drawer, and pulling out his switch.
Painfully slowly.
She stood there, speechless, her shoulders trembling.
Ben smiled, and I found myself liking it.
“Thank you!” He said, waving the console in her face. Ben mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key.
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben’s half lidded eyes found mine. “Are ya coming, Panda?”
I forgot my own nickname.
Panda.
I wore my Mom’s eyeliner because I thought it looked cool.
It did not.
Finding my breath, I snapped out of it.
Jumping up, I followed him out of the office, and when the two of us were safely on the hallway, I burst into hysterical giggles. “How did you know all of that?!” I whisper- shrieked.
Ben surprised me with a splutter. “Wait. You believed me?”
Something very cold trickled down my spine.
I stopped walking. “You lied?”
He shrugged. “I had a dig around her office before she caught me a few days ago,” Ben swung his arms, a smile curling on his mouth. “There's no restraining order, but there is prescription anti-psychosis medicine, and an extremely detailed story on her laptop about a teachestudent romance, which I presume is a self insert.”
Ben shot me a sickly grin. “The school refused to make her condition public.”
He prodded at his own cotton shirt embroidered with the school emblem.
“Why do you think she's made all these dumb rules? The woman is a certified Looney Tune.”
I nodded slowly. “Wait. What about Jake and his dad?”
“I made them up.”
I choked out a laugh. “And… the video?”
Ben walked faster, pulling out his phone and shoving it in my face. The video was real. Principal Marrow was walking around in circles, draped in her nightgown. “It's her own house,” he explained. “She locked herself out.”
Nodding slowly, I was in awe. Bloody Ben was kind of fucking amazing.
“But the restraining order isn't real.”
Ben raised a brow, coming to an abrupt halt. It was his smile that cemented his place in my gang. His lack of empathy for a woman he had gaslit into being a disgusting human being. Ben Callows wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but he fascinated me. Maybe for the wrong reasons. “Her filing cabinets are filled with tinned cat food, Panda,” he said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’m not psychic, but I thiiiiink we’ll be okay.”
I turned to him, unable to stop myself jumping up and down with excitement.
“Will you be my first?!”
Ben inclined his head. “Will I be your what?”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I mean, will you join my mystery gang?”
The boy’s eyes lit up, and I shoved him playfully.
“To solve real cases,” I corrected myself. “Not make them up.”
Ben wore a real, proper smile. But there was something in his eyes, a darkness that was so hollow and polluted and wrong, I pretended not to see it for the sake of his smarts and intellect. “Well, if you insist, sure!” Ben held out his hand, and I shook it. I'll be your first.”
We found our second member, who was, ironically, looking for her glasses under the table in class. Lucy Prescott, the quiet girl, was born to be with us.
The class eraser went missing, and she found it in the blink of an eye.
When questioned, Lucy’s face turned as red as her hair. “I asked everyone in the class and followed the clues to the last person who had it,” she pointed to Chase Simpson. “Which was Chase, who was throwing it at Marcus Calvin.”
Twisting around in my chair, I aimed to get Ben’s attention. But he was already looking at me, chin resting on his fist, eyes ignited with excitement.
The two of us cornered Lucy after class, and when she motioned for us to get back, I dragged Ben (who was a little too excited) to my side.
Lucy looked mildly horrified when I said, dangerous cases, though her expression pricked with intrigue.
She agreed, her gaze lingering on Ben, cheeks smouldering.
Our last two members were a surprise.
Violet Evergreen was what you would call popular on the middle school hierarchy. Not just because her mother was the mayor, but because Violet could get away with murder. The girl refused to wear the school uniform, coloring a single purple streak in her hair to cement herself as the it girl.
She was also one of the girls who started the Bloody Ben rumor.
Ben, Lucy, and I were sitting on the grass during recess, trying to come up with a name for our detective service, when Violet came storming over, hands planted on her hips. She was copying how her mother held herself during town meetings.
“What are you doing?” Violet demanded.
Lucy opened her mouth to answer, Ben nudging her to shut up.
“Making a mystery gang.” I told her. “Why?”
Violet inclined her head. “Oh.” She folded her arms. “Well, can I join?”
Ben stood up, stepping in front of the girl. Violet didn't move, stubbornly standing her ground. “Sure.” Ben flashed a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. He stepped closer to her, his smile widening. “If you can pass the test.”
Violet’s lip curled. She took a single step back. “What kind of test?”
Ben nodded to me. “Meet us at the swimming pool at 8pm.”
To my surprise, Violet nodded. “Do I need to bring anything?”
“Nope!”
8pm. The four of us met outside the local swimming pool.
Violet was already on the other side of the fence, waving.
“Hey guys!”
I noticed Ben’s expression, his eyes darkening, lip curling.
Still though, he maintained positivity, vaulting over the fence.
“You made it!”
I followed him, helping Lucy, who was immediately freaking out. I didn't blame her. The pool looked cold and dark, a hollow oblivion carved into the ground.
Ben and Violet stood on the edge, the two of them shoulder to shoulder.
Violet Evergreen was braver than I thought.
Standing with her arms at her sides, Violet's hands clenched into fists.
“What's the test?” Violet said, her gaze glued to bleeding black depths.
“I don't know,” Ben murmured, his voice teetering on a giggle. He leaned forwards, arms spread out. “I didn't think you'd actually come meet us.”
Violet hummed, stretching out her leg, teasing it across the surface. “Was that the test?”
The boy leaned back. I caught the glint of a grin under the floodlights. “Nah.”
Before I knew what was happening, he shoved Violet into the pool. The girl didn't scream or shriek, she just hit the surface, sinking into pitch dark nothing.
“Sink or swim,” Ben said in a low murmur, when Violet’s head bobbed under water. I could see her shadow under the surface, imagining the freezing cold depths pulling her down.
“Drown, and you can't join us.”
It was so quiet, suddenly. The three of us staring into rippling water.
A minute passed, and my tummy started to twist.
“Fuck.” Ben’s expression stayed stoic. I wasn't expecting him to say a bad word.
He cocked his head. “I thought she could swim.”
I hit him, holding in a cry. “You need to get our parents!”
But he didn't listen to me, taking a single step, and dropping into the pool.
I fell to my knees, scanning the water.
Lucy was crying. “Are they dead?!” she shrieked.
“Shhh!” I was watching two shadows lingering under the water.
Violet broke through. I expected her to be crying, but her expression was unwavering. She was silent. I thought the splashing underneath her was her legs trying and struggling to tread water, before Lucy shoved me. Hard.
“Panda! What do we do?!”
Looking closer, Violet was perfectly still, her gaze on the sky.
While she shoved Ben under the water, drowning him.
Violet’s eyes sparkled, and somehow, I knew she belonged in my gang.
Her gaze found mine, glinting with that darkness, that poisonous streak I found myself drawn to. It was a starving, insatiable need to understand a fractured mind. Know your enemy.
“Do you want to see if Ben’s a witch?” Violet asked me, her tone something else entirely. This girl did not make sense, using barely her finger to drown Ben Callows. I knew she was wrong.
I knew there was something loose, something unlocked and unbridled and drowning inside her mind and heart.
But I wanted more of her. I wanted Violet Evergreen in my detective gang.
I think that is why I stood there, frozen.
When the thrashing stopped, Ben broke through.
He wasn't coughing or spluttering, his head inclined. “You didn't drown.”
Violet climbed out of the pool, offering her hand. “And you're not a witch.”
He declined her hand, taking the steps instead.
I asked Violet in a shaky voice. I was trembling with terror, but I was excited.
Exhilarated.
“Violet, will you join my gang?”
She didn't answer me until we were sharing hot cocoa in my house.
I told Mom we fell in the pool, and she believed me. I should have told her that my friends were sociopaths, and I was kind of maybe in love. Violet sipped her cocoa, nodding with a smile I didn't recognise. Violet never smiled at school.
Well, she did. But it was always the prick of a cruel smirk.
I don't think her smile was genuine, but she was definitely enjoying herself.
Our last member came to us, instead of finding him.
Jules Howell, a straggly brunette pushed his way in front of me in the lunch line. I didn't really know the kid.
He sat at the back of the classroom and slept through most of class. I did like his accent though.
Jules had moved from Melbourne in the second grade. He didn't talk much.
When he did, I found myself enveloped in his voice, which sounded like water to me, a bleeding cadence to his tone.
Jules piled his plate with fries, smiling widely at the lunch ladies.
“I saw you last night.” He murmured through that perfectly moulded grin.
“Saw me where?”
“At the pool,” Jules said. “You, Bloody Ben, Violet Evergreen, and that Lucy girl. You were doing a suiciding pact.”
“That's not what we were doing.” I said, “What's a suiciding pact?”
“When you kill yourself together.” Jules said. “I saw it in a scary movie my Mom was watching.”
I grabbed a fork. “We weren't doing that.”
His eyes were strange when I took the time to notice them. The excited gleam had fizzled out. Jules’s hands tightened around his tray. “Then what were you doing?”
I didn't reply, making my way over to our usual table. Ben was already waving me over, Violet and Lucy holding up the flyers we were making.
THE REDBLOOD DETECTIVES.”
Do YOU need our help? We can find/solve anything! Contact us on the number below. (We take donations!)
When I bothered turning around, Jules was lost in the crowd of kids.
We were on our first official case, searching for Mrs Lake’s missing mail, when Jules appeared seemingly out of nowhere. And with him, a golden retriever puppy he introduced as Arlo.
It took a dog jumping up at them for Violet and Ben to find their real smiles, their real selves slowly seeping through these facades they had built around themselves. Ben dropped to a crouch, ruffling the dog's ears, his smile faint.
“Who's a good boy?” He chuckled.
Arlo didn't move, tail wagging, eyes bright.
Ben motioned the dog towards him, but Arlo stayed put.
Jules joined us…quietly.
I don't remember asking him, or even him asking me.
He just became part of us, side by side with Arlo.
We soon came to quickly realize that our town was boring.
There were no monsters or thieves, or soul sucking demons. No criminals or serial killers. Not even one missing person. We did, however, get calls about missing cats. I turned eleven years old, patiently waiting for a murder or a kid going missing. But there was nothing.
All we did was chase cats, and the occasional dog. Maybe a budgie if we were lucky. Twelve years old, our detective club became a joke.
The five of us (and Arlo hiding under the table) were trying to pinpoint Mrs Tracy's lost hamster, when three girls came over, dumping their soda all over us.
We watched crime shows for inspiration on catching killers.
Ben’s favorite crime was one that happened in the 80’s in our town.
2 girls murdered.
Their intestines stuffed into envelopes and mailed to family members.
“That's what we should be solving,” he told me one night, “Not missing cats.”
Thirteen years old, we lay in Violet’s backyard under the cruel glare of the summer sun. We called it working and didn't like to admit it was hanging out, or that we were even friends. However.
That didn't stop us growing closer.
Even if it wasn't quite the way I’d expected.
I proposed a plan, standing up, wobbling a little off balance.
“I've got it.” I said, my voice kinda slurry from Violet’s special summer cocktail, which was just random alcoholic beverages we found, thrown into a blender, and diluted with water.
The town wasn't taking us seriously.
So, we were going to make our own mysteries.
I ordered a full-scale assault on our small town. One that they could not ignore. Ben stamped on Mrs Mason’s flowers, and Lucy threw mud pies at people's cars. Jules trashed the high school gym, and Violet and I spray painted threats and warnings on every store window. Now, this did cause panic, but also an official curfew.
Thirty minutes before curfew, we met in our usual spot, deep in the forest near the lake. Ben yelled at me when I was three minutes late. He was real passionate about finding a real mystery.
“You're late.” Ben was sitting on a rock waving a stick in Arlo’s face.
The dog still wasn't going near him, whining softly.
I took my place, muttering an apology. “I had to lie to my Mom.”
Violet, sitting with her legs crossed, idly digging her manicure into the dirt, suggested we buy mannequins and masquerade them as dead bodies, hanging them from the school rafters.
Lucy, who had slowly grown out of her shell, becoming a lot more outspoken, nudged her. “That's a stupid idea.”
The girl groaned, leaning into her. “Urgh. You're right.”
Jules was the only energetic one, standing on the tireswing.
He jumped down, definitely twisting his ankle.
But his smile only widened, kind of like he enjoyed being in pain.
“Why don't we pretend to be kidnapped?” He said, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over blondish curls growing out. Jules did a dramatic spin, his eyes shining. “We can ‘go missing’ for like a week, and then when our parents are really scared, we can turn up, and tell them we escaped a kidnapping.” His lips split into a grin.
“And then we solve our own kidnapping!”
Ben awkwardly patted Arlos head, only for the dog to pull away with a snort.
“I like it,” he murmured. “I'm in.”
Jules’s idea was stupid.
But.
It was worth a shot.
The five of us agreed to meet the morning after with enough food and supplies for a week. Then we were going to hike to the next town, and hide out for a week. It was an almost perfect plan, using ourselves as victims of our own mystery.
Packing as much as I could, I kissed my mother goodbye (I told her my pack was for a picnic) and set off to the rendezvous we agreed on.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. I checked and re-checked my pack.
I waited ten minutes, unable to contain my excitement.
Then 20 minutes.
It was getting kind of cold.
One hour.
I sat on a rock for enough time to watch the sky change color.
When the clouds were orange, I stood up and stumbled back home. They had gone without me. Mom lectured me when I got home, and I stuck to the plan of pretending my friends had gone missing, even if I they had betrayed me.
Ben said he'd text me when he arrived at the redervous. I at least expected him to text an explanation, but there was nothing. I was in the dark, and after three days of nothing, our town finally began to take us seriously.
“Our children have been kidnapped!” The adults were screaming.
Mom was crying in the kitchen, praying to a god I knew she didn't believe in that I wasn't taken next. I was interviewed and stuck with the exact same story I came up with when I was with the others. Our plan was to return after a week, claiming to be locked up in a dark room with a masked man.
I told my Mother and the other parents that I didn't know where my friends were, repeating the same thing over and over again until I was tongue tied.
“I saw them the day before they went missing, and… yes, everything seemed okay.” I slowly sipped my glass of milk provided, looking the sheriff directly in the eyes.
“No, I didn't notice anything suspicious, sheriff. Yes, I'm sure, sir. No, they didn't tell me anything.”
It was Ben’s mother who shattered my mask.
“Did I know about… what?” I whispered.
Something warm filled the back of my mouth, foul tasting milk erupting up my throat. I leaned forward, trying to look Mrs Callows in the eye. “No, I… I didn't know about Ben’s…condition.”
Mrs Callows was screaming at me about her son’s troubled past when I barfed all over myself, my eyes burning.
In the privacy of my own room, I sobbed until I couldn't breathe.
I tried to tell Mom, but we had come so close.
One more day, and the others would be back.
But that day came. I sat cross legged at our usual spot, which was now covered in police tape. I waited for their thudding footsteps, their laughter congratulating each other for coming up with a great plan. I waited, my face buried in my knees, for my friends.
It was dark when my phone vibrated, and I'd fallen asleep.
I wasn't scared, forcing myself to my feet.
“Where are you?” Mom yelled down the phone.
“Coming home now.” I muttered.
“Sorry.” I paused, holding my breath against a cry. “Mom.” I broke down, forcing my fist into my mouth to hide my squeak. “Mommy, did they come back?”
Mom didn't reply for a moment.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” She whispered, ending the call.
I took my time walking home that night.
There were no stars in the sky.
When a hand clamped over my mouth, I could smell him.
When he dragged me back, stabbing a kitchen knife into my throat, I stared at the sky and looked for stars. His arms were warm around me, violently pulling me into the back of a pickup truck. The pickup truck he'd said he was bringing.
It was his grandfather's, and he could just about drive it.
Hitting the backseat, my body was numb, my thoughts in a whirlwind.
The pickup flew forwards, and I remembered how to move.
I rolled off the seat, my hands pinned behind my back.
Twisting around, blinking in the dim, I could feel something warm, something seeping across upholstery seats. Blood.
It was everywhere, sticky on my hands and wet on my face when I struggled to get up. I was lying in someone's blood.
A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
The pickup flew over a pothole, and something dropped off the seat.
Arlo’s leash.
I screamed again, this time his name gritted between my teeth.
I didn't stop screaming until the jerking movement stopped. The doors opened, pale light hitting me in the face.
Flashlight. Warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me from the car, and then, pulling me by my hair, into our old tree house. It was always our secret place, our saving grace on the edge of town.
The flickering candlelight caught me off guard, illuminating my surroundings.
Two bodies slumped over each other, lying in stemming red.
I felt suffocated, like I was going to die. I screamed, and that warm hand cradled my mouth again, gagging my cries.
Violet and Jules.
There was something wrong with them. And it was only when I forced myself to look closer, when I realized their insides had been carved out, heart, stomach, everything, pulled out.
There was paper on the floor.
No, not paper. Envelopes.
Envelopes stuffed with gore, bright red leaking through white.
Shuffling back, my brain was too slow to react, while my body was trying to vault to my feet, only to be violently pulled back by my ponytail.
I felt his fingers twining around my hair, revelling in my screams.
With another tug, my head was forced forwards.
Orange candlelight felt almost homely, this time lighting up a third body.
Lying on their back, curled up, pooling scarlet dried into the floorboards, their wrists restricted with duct-tape.
I could feel blood underneath me, sticky, a congealing paste.
“Do you know what happened on October 3rd, 1987, in our town?”
Lucy Prescott stood over me, her arms folded across her chest.
I managed to shake my head, when she grabbed Ben’s legs, dragging him under the candlelight. I dazedly watched her stroke the blade of a carving knife, the teeth already stained scarlet. “The intestine murders.” Lucy hummed, tracing the knife down the floorboards.
“A man murdered two high school girls, carving out their insides and sending their pieces to their loved ones.”
Lucy's eyes found mine, ignited in a familiar gleam. I saw it in Principal Marrow’s office. Then the swimming pool. The cafeteria. “It was the sheriff's only murder case, Panda. Ever since then, our town has been boring. There's no mysteries to solve. Nothing to find.”
The girl jumped to her feet, retrieving a blood stained envelope.
She held it up, a smile curved on her lips. The girl turned around, and I heard a horrific squelching sound. Lucy held up a bright red sausage, ripped into it, and slipped it into the white paper.
“But I can change that.” she said, in a giggle.
“I can create a real serial killer, who we can hunt down together.”
Lucy stabbed the blade into the floor, laughing.
“Or! I can bring a fan-favorite back! I can bring the intestine killer back from the dead!”
Her gaze flicked to the others. “There are casualties, of course. The story is, I was kidnapped with Ben, Violet, and Jules. The scary intestine killer killed them, and I managed to get away.”
Lucy shuffled over to me, her eyes wide. “Then! He came back and struck again!”
With those words, she shoved me onto my back.
“First he took Violet,” Lucy hummed, tracing the blade down my shirt.
“Then… Jules.” I squeezed my eyes shut, pulling at the restraints around my wrists. “Then Ben.” her breath tickled my cheek. “And finally… Panda.”
Lucy lifted the knife, and I accepted my death.
Until a low rumble in my ears.
Shouting.
Thundering footsteps, followed by the pitter-patter of paws.
“Lucy!” The sheriff was screaming, and the girl stumbled to her feet, the knife slipping from her fingers. Lucy stumbled, tripping over Ben’s body.
“He got away!” she shrieked. “He…he killed them! Oh, god, please help me!”
I don't think Lucy even realised the traces she'd left behind.
The blood slick on her fingers, her manic, grinning smile full of mania.
I was looking for stars when an officer crouched over me.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Her voice was white noise.
“Rachel? Hey, try and sit up, honey. You Mom is on her way.”
Instead of listening to her, I curled into myself.
My gaze found Arlo sticking his nose in Ben’s hair, trying to nudge the boy awake.
I didn't fully register the next few days.
They went by in a confusing blur.
Part of me tried to eat, and spent hours with my head pressed against the toilet seat.
I could still see the slithering, scarlet remains of my friends every time I closed my eyes. There was so much red, soaked in that hunting orange light.
Blood that I could still see, a starless sky that stretched on forever.
Weeks went by.
Then months.
I think I turned 14. I wasn't sure. I didn't feel alive anymore.
I stood at my friend’s funerals with a single rose I dropped into their casket.
Violet’s mother was quick to cover the whole thing up.
Lucy's plan didn't work after all.
Our town’s murder cases stayed stagnant at one.
It's been four years since my friends were murdered by our ’Velma’.
Now, at seventeen, Mom asked if I wanted to visit Lucy in juvie.
I'm not even upset or angry anymore.
I want to know why.
Ben picked me up. Arlo was at his side, wagging his tail.
Ben was…different. He'd dumped his baseball cap and gotten a haircut, swapping his old wardrobe of drab colors for an attempt at changing style.
That day, he looked awkward in a short sleeved tee and shorts.
At school, Ben is no longer Bloody Ben.
Now, he is Survivor Ben.
I’m still Panda.
Every time I was with him, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Guilt so deep, so fucking painful, I lost my breath.
I live knowing that I immediately assumed it was him that day.
Ben was barely alive when I found him. Lucy had started to carve into him before remembering she needed me.
After admitting it to him, his lips formed a small smile.
“Can I tell you a secret?” He said to me, at sixteen.
"Yeah?"
Whatever he was going to say, Ben never told me.
Presently, I nodded at the dog’s new collar.
“Peppa Pig themed?”
The boy shrugged, ruffling Arlo’s ears. “FYI, he chose it.”
“It's cute.” I said. “Very… chic.”
We didn't speak the whole ride, but Ben did entangle his hand in mine.
We spent half an hour outside the detention centre. I was panicking, and Ben was trying to hide that he was panicking. In the end, we joined hands, and strode through the doors together.
Lucy greeted us with a wide smile. Just as psychotic.
The orange jumpsuit suited her, though I had zero idea why.
“Hey Arlo!” she giggled at the dog, and Ben pulled the pup onto his lap.
“Ben.” She sighed. “I wish I got to finish you. I would have loved to solve the mystery of your gutted corpse.”
Ben’s smile was wry. “Nice to see you too.”
Behind a glass screen, I asked Lucy one simple question.
“Why?”
Lucy didn't reply. Or she did, but it was just nonsensical bullshit.
But there was one thing she said has stuck with me, chilling me to the core.
I am fucking terrified of Lucy. Of what's she's done, and what she's capable of doing.
It was a throwaway line, and I don't even think Ben noticed.
Or he did, and was in denial.
Lucy's smile was wide, her eyes empty pools of nothing.
The exact same glint in Ben’s eyes.
Jules’s eyes.
Violet’s eyes.
Like something was gnawing away at their psyche, twisting and contorting it, filling them with darkness, poison, that was so vast, so endless, I had craved it as a child. I still don't know what it is.
But I'm going to find it.
Lucy's laugh was shrill, and next to me, Ben didn't move a muscle.
But he did smile.
Yes, my gang were psychos.
But I kind of maybe loved it.
“I don't even wear glasses!”