Virus heavy chest body aches fatigue lowgrade fever

Hello, I am a 27F. I've got environmental, animal, and chemical allergies. My PCP believes I have asthma eventhough lung function tests all came back normal. I'm recently diagnosed with Sjogrens syndrome. I'm not a smoker nor do I vape.
Last month on 05/12/24, my little cousin coughed in my face twice and the next day I developed a productive cough and chest pain. Every day since then, I've been coughing up thick, yellow/green phlegm. I never got a fever or body aches, anything like that. I went to urgent care on 05/22/24 and they prescribed me a course of antibiotics (amoxicillin) and I completed them but they didn't help at all.
I went to the ER today and the doctor listened to my lungs and immediately heard the crackles coming from my right lung and she said "Oh wow! Yeah sounds like pneumonia in that lung." However, they did a chest xray and it came back normal so she said it might be the beginning stages of pneumonia. She honestly seemed unsure so I feel uneasy. My paperwork has info for Atypical pneumonia. She prescribed me azithromycin and doxycycline. (I forgot to tell them that I had an allergic reaction to azithromycin so she prescribed doxy.)
Will this work for me? Amoxicillin didn't do anything and I'm afraid to take another antibiotic if it wont help. I also read about the possible long term side effects of these and I'm a little scared. But I'm also scared to not take them because pneumonia is scary.

I was recently diagnosed with IBS but I still have to get an endoscopy and colonoscopy to figure out if there's anything else happening. This is honestly the most frustrating thing because I have health anxiety and many of my gastro symptoms give me tremendous anxiety. Lately, I've been in a flare of something that has made eating very difficult. Every time I eat something I feel worn down and my muscles get really heavy. Sometimes my chest gets tight and it's a little hard to take a full breath. I get such crazy brain fog and fatigue that I have to sit down but sitting down for too long makes me dizzy if I move to get up. Sometimes I feel like I'm having an out of body experience and it's wild. I also get a lot of bloating and gas and I'm definitely constipated and having a hard time actually going lately, but I am still going so things are moving.
I tried looking up what causes fatigue and shakiness after eating and I keep seeing something akin to a blood sugar issues. My problem is that I have most of the symptoms described, but about 2 weeks ago I was in the ER and they ran blood tests and all that and they said I didn't have anything life threatening or even anything out of the ordinary. I was discharged with having a massive panic attack and that was basically it. So, I'm thinking that this is probably just really bad constipation and gas causing this symptoms and I've experienced them before, just not on this level. I'm hoping that's all it is, because I'm so out of it that I don't really know what to do when I start feeling this way.
As I type this I'm starting to sweat and I feel like I can't concentrate but I'm moving around and thinking. It's so weird and uncomfortable.
Any thoughts or advice or any similar experiences? I really gotta figure this out because I'm tired of running to the ER and them telling me that I'm fine. Thank you!

hi. I've been dealing with what I believe is Long Covid Syndrome (fatigue, brain fog, gastrointestinal issues, joint pain, intense dreaming and many more) for 2 years and most of my days look like this:

• I have these daily: fatigue, brain fog, sweating, gastrointestinal issues, phlegm in my neck.

And I got a cold recently and I am experiencing the same symptoms as above, but the phlegm is more intense and mucus also, the fatigue is more intense like almost lying in bed, the sweating increases and fluctuate with high temperature or chills, the join pain increases and I got also sore throat and hoarseness.
I don't know how to put this in words, but I really noticed that this cold is not something different than my chronic symptoms, but are the same but more intense. Especially that phlegm I have it daily, but during this cold is more intense. I believe that the COVID virus is somehow still in my body, creating chronic problems and reactivates from time to time and become more intense, acute?
Who else is experiencing the same thing?

I tested positive at the doctor yesterday but it’s Day 4 of symptoms… day 3 with a fever. I HAVE HAD A WEEK FROM HELL!
Last weekend was my 4 year old daughter’s birthday. I ran around like a crazy person and barely drank any fluids and held my pee all day. Well the next day.. Sunday I got a raging UTI. I go to urgent care and get put on antibiotics. Later that same evening my period started. I worked a crazy busy double shift at my bar on Monday fighting a uti and having a period. Tuesday I worked an unplanned double shift at my other bar. I decided to take Wednesday off because I was scheduled to have oral surgery the next day and we were going to a baseball game Wednesday night. Wednesday I have this tight feeling in my chest like I breathed in a bunch of dust or something. And I kinda had a dry cough. I thought it might have been side effects of the macrobid I was prescribed so I freaked out and stopped taking it. We go to the baseball game and it was a cold rainy night. The chest tightness persisted and got worse as the night went on. Thursday I woke up early because I was very scared of the apicoectomy I was supposed to have at 8 am. I felt pretty shitty and decided I was gonna post pone the surgery. I still showed up at the office and the nurse seemed down to still do the procedure even though I told her I felt bad. Thankfully the Endodontist wanted no part of it and told me to reschedule. I stopped by target and got some Gatorade and Covid tests. Covid test was negative. My MIL took my daughter and I took a nap. Woke up with a fever. Things went really downhill from there. My whole body started to ache and I had to lay next to a bowl because I felt so nauseous. I fell asleep again and woke up boiling hot and my heart racing. The body aches were unbearable. My husband was taking his final test before graduation the next day so I wasn’t trying to bother him too much but he was really worried about me. My MIL brings my daughter home because she wants to come home. She tells me she can come pick her back up tomorrow after her 11 am appt. At this point didn’t know if I was sick with something or maybe my uti was coming back with a vengeance and affecting my whole body. If my daughter wouldn’t have been home I probably would have made my husband take me to the hospital.
I wake up the next morning feeling worse than ever. I call my mom and beg her to come over. I ask her if she will take me to my urgent care appointment. I had no idea when husband was gonna be done at school and I just didn’t have the strength to care for my daughter. She comes over and I literally just cry miserably. My MIL comes and takes my daughter and my husband gets home soon after. My mom literally had to help me get dressed. She leaves and my husband takes me to urgent care. Just walking in the door and signing in almost kills me. I redo a UA which turned out being fine. They test for Covid flu and strep. Covid comes back positive. Now come to find out 4 people at my job I worked on Monday are all Covid positive. I was supposed to go to my cousins wedding today but that definitely wasn’t gonna happen. I also am so glad I decided to not want to get my oral surgery on Thursday. I can’t imagine having my jaw bone drilled on and stitches in my mouth while feeling this sick with Covid!!! My god. I finally just took a shower and I seriously thought my legs were gonna buckle underneath me. I swear they were a little shakey. I get so dizzy and weak feeling just standing up. I keep getting really hot and sweaty. My body aches are gone but now it’s like a weird soreness. Maybe from laying around too much I don’t know. Anywho I just wanted to vent about how awful a UTI / period / covid / attempted dental surgery all in one week is.

So it is currently Sunday at 1AM. I just woke up from a nap from 6PM. I’ve felt gross since about Wednesday. It all started when I woke up and my eyes hurt to move far and fast, I had a massive tension headache (still lingered all week to now) and my body felt fatigued. Drank a glass of milk, was supposed to expire in 8 days but it tasted watered down or expired. Great, my taste is gone. Night of Wednesday and Thursday I start having chills and shivers and my skin temperature is VERY hot, 100.4F fever. This lasted until an hour later where I would start sweating or wake up sweating. Shivers died down. Saturday evening a weird rash appeared on my torso. I recently showered and was sitting shirtless and my torso just became itchy. There was several dime sized red blotches and a rash started to appear. It felt like bug bites and looked like them too but in large blotchy areas. I wake up now and the rash is a little on my shoulders and neck. Now the weirdest symptom is every time I move, even as little as lifting my arm or rotating my neck all the muscles burn as if they’ve been stretched about 2 seconds after performing the action.
Is my body slowly rotting? Am I a victim to Covid part 2? What the heck is wrong with me. Symptoms persist I will be going to doctor.

I’m a first time mom, stay at home mom currently, and 6 months postpartum. I’m also breastfeeding. Recently at night when I go to bed I’ve been getting symptoms like I have a bad fever but I don’t- the shakes, dizzy, lightheaded, chills, nausea, body aches, hot flashes, etc. I feel this way until the morning when I get up and get moving. They come on quickly- one minute I’m fine and the next I’m on the edge of vomiting. My first guess is that it’s a sign of exhaustion, but my baby and I both get pretty good sleep. I can count on 5-8 hours a night, with 1-3 wakings. Also my husband does shift work and is home frequently to help with baby care. I don’t feel overly exhausted. I eat well because I’m breastfeeding, but since these symptoms started I have started taking my prenatal again. These symptoms started a couple weeks ago and have been daily since. They are incredibly frustrating. Wondering if this is a normal postpartum thing, or if anyone has tips/ideas.
Also- 100% not pregnant again. I’m getting regular periods.

What are you feeling right now?
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What physical sensations do you notice in your body? For example, do you feel tightness, looseness, heaviness, lightness, pressure, pain, heat? Where do you feel these things -- for example, in your face, chest, gut, legs?
What thoughts are you having? Are there words or pictures crossing your mind?
What urges do you have? Do you want to do particular things, or do you notice an urge to avoid particular things?

My ex reached out after nearly one peaceful month of NC and I am again trying to survive enormous waves of hatred. I always thought I hated people or things before but now I know what actual hate feels like…before? That was just dislike. Maybe strong dislike but now it is sheer unadulterated hatred and I can feel it harming my health. I am sitting here after getting some lame ass half ass apology followed by a request to hand over the title to a vehicle we co-purchased but he absconded with even though he owes me nearly 10K. His apology was just a segue to attempt to look like he is a better person (hell would have to freeze over first) and then charm me into losing more to him. The last time he called me he told me I meant less than nothing to him. Less than an object. But hey he’s in NA and talking to a new pastor so all should be forgiven. Wrong. I won’t ever forget how poorly he treated me. Won’t forget him cheating and stealing and choking me out on the stairs and breaking my bones. I won’t forget him using me. Subjecting my household to terror. I won’t forget him showing us we meant nothing especially after he told my little one he wanted to adopt her….i’m still working on forgiving myself for giving him a chance when my intuition screamed not to….i am in no hurry to forgive a no account lying cheating trashbag nor am I in the business of handing over 10K. I want him to suffer but at the same time, I am worth more than it costs to hold so much anger I can feel it aching inside my body. Chest pain. Headaches. High blood pressure. No hatred I have will ever hurt him because he has no soul or heart or conscience or whatever it is that makes him despicable and abusive. He goes to court this next week and I am hoping to be taken off his bond and honestly if he rots in prison, so be it. Seems fitting. Sorry for the rant but I dare not say anything to people who know me because they will see that this situation damaged my huge heart. I already let them down enough by settling for this ah in th first place. I would actually go back in time if it were possible and never ever meet the dude. I hate him.

Logan the bounty hunter was in a really bad mood.
It all started when the coffee machine stopped working. This wasn’t a rare occurrence; in fact, it was the third time this cycle, but this time his go-to solution (taking out and reinserting the star powder battery) didn’t fix it, and he was all out of ideas.
It’s not that the caffeine even did anything for him. The nanomachines in his system filtered out many sorts of potentially addictive or harmful substances, and for some reason this included caffeine, which is a fact he only realized after the seven-cycle refund period had passed.
Still, it was an old habit and an act of comfort that he sorely felt the absence of.
That was the first thing. The second thing was that his tracker had stopped working. In fact, his entire connection to the galactic wide web (gww) had gone down. Without the tracker, he couldn’t pinpoint the exact location of his current bounty—a low-class deathworlder wanted for kidnapping and trafficking—which kind of made his whole bounty hunting business difficult to do.
Oh, and his ship had crashed.
Damn thing was overdue for maintenance, and the autopilot had started malfunctioning while flying over a small dusty-brown planet. It had taken some careful manual maneuvering and some buffeting about in the planet’s whirlwind atmosphere, but eventually he had managed the miracle of walking away from a smoking and unsalvageable wreckage with only minor cuts and bruises.
Here he was now, trudging through the sandy windswept dunes of a planet that hadn’t even showed up on the map. Armed with little more than a spacesuit, a blaster, and an undying will. And wishing he’d had that cup of coffee (and wasn’t immune to caffeine).
Logan raised a hand to his eyes, peering through the thick glass of his visor. There was so much dust and sand swirling around that it made it quite hard to see where he was going, not that there were any landmarks in sight anyway. It looked scorching hot outside, though his spacesuit registered a cool 286 Kelvin for some reason. Likely another malfunction, one that he’d rather not put to the test.
On a planet like this, he supposed, everyone (if anyone was even here) probably lived under the surface where it was probably cooler and probably free from sandstorms. All he had to do was find the entrance to their underground tunnels among all this shifting sand.
The chance of that happening was, unfortunately, not very high. Still, Logan wasn’t panicking yet; he’d been through worse, he thought. He’d been through jungles teeming with 8-foot beetles. Survived massive hiveminds circling to entrap him, faced slippery slimes that reformed their bodies to resemble those he held dearest. Horrible learning experiences, those.
That being said, sometimes it’s the mundane problems that pose the greatest threats of all. Starvation, aching thirst, and a dwindling oxygen supply while wandering a barren desert. It wouldn’t be a glamorous way to go out, and Logan was wracking his brain for ideas.
Now would’ve been a good time to use his rescue beacon, if he had one. This would be his, what, 127th bounty? And until now, he’d never had to use a beacon. Stopped carrying one a dozen bounties ago. Maybe it was just luck, but things had always gone pretty smoothly, and maybe he’d gotten a little overconfident.
Logan knelt down and grasped at the ground, watching the little grains of sand sift through his gloved fingers. Those little specks seemed to shimmer and flicker, like a low quality hologram call. Otherwise, though, they seemed normal; surprisingly similar to the sand he remembered from Earth. It made sense that some things remained the same throughout the universe; it’s not like every planet could re-invent the periodic table, after all. Even aliens had to remain grounded in reality, however loosely.
He looked down. According to his suit’s display, he had a few hours of oxygen left. He’d been walking for a while now with nothing but the sands to show for it. He also had to pee. It was really going quite terribly.
“It looks like you’re doing quite terribly,” a voice said, velvety and welcoming. Logan jerked his head up, blinking rapidly in surprise.
Standing before him, with crossed arms and a smoldering look, was a lithe, dusky-furred humanoid. They—or she, judging by the feminine face—was wearing a long, thin shawl translucent enough to reveal a pair of twitching, swiveling ears and a questioningly arced tail, swaying in the wind.
The feline features were unmistakable. It was, by all accounts, a catgirl.
Mentally, Logan pumped his arm and jumped for joy. Just wait until the guys back at Earth heard about this! Many a novice pilot first set out for the stars with dreams of catgirls and other alien babes in mind, but thus far, most alien species had been decidedly strange and eerily-shaped, though this didn’t stop everyone from pursuing them. Outwardly, though, he nodded, and rasped, “I could use some help. Do you know about this thing called ‘oxygen’?”
The catgirl frowned. “Great way to say hi to a girl. But yes, you aren’t the first traveler to crash-land on Shaw Prime. Follow me.”
“Oh, great,” Logan said. How convenient. “Where to?”
“My people live underground, hidden from the elements within a complex system of—”
“Tunnels? I knew it.”
The catgirl turned around and whipped her tail against Logan’s leg. It kind of stung for a moment. “I don’t know what culture you come from, traveler, but in mine, it’s rude to interrupt someone while they’re speaking. Especially if they’re the host and you, the guest.”
Logan rubbed the back of his head (or tried to, but the spacesuit got in the way). “Sorry. Just got excited. Interrupting someone speaking is actually considered rude in my culture, too.”
“So you should’ve known better.” The catgirl harrumphed and started marching forward, waving her tail to signal him to follow. He shrugged and started trudging along behind her.
“So where am I, exactly? ‘Shoe Prime’ you said earlier, I think?”
“Shaw Prime,” she corrected. “A small sand planet on the outermost reaches of the nearest solar system. Quite uninhabitable for most, and all our visitors arrive unwillingly.”
“I see. It certainly feels inhospitable. And,” Logan said, jumping in place a couple times, “you’ve got decently strong gravity, though less than where I come from. You know, this feels like at least a minor deathworld to me.”
“The term ‘deathworld’ is new to me, but it does seem fitting enough.”
“Right. I’m guessing the Galactic Federation hasn’t gotten around to marking your planet yet. Actually, your planet didn’t even show up on my map; people might not even know that civilization exists here. Huh.” It would be the first time for Logan to discover a new species. He could report this back home, and hopefully get handsomely rewarded for it.
“The ‘Galactic Federation’? I haven’t heard that term before. What does it mean?”
“That’s the big alliance formed by all the space-faring species of the known universe. They’re basically responsible for everything, including first official contact with new species like yours.” Logan paused a moment. “Wait, you said I’m not the first traveler to land here, right? How have you not heard of the Galactic Federation before?”
The catgirl’s ears twitched, but she didn’t look back. “They must have neglected to mention it.”
“Weird. Surely someone must’ve mentioned it. The Federation’s got these rules for first contact, see, and—”
“We’re almost there.” The catgirl interrupted, glancing back at him with those smoky eyes. “The hidden entrance to the tunnels lies just ahead.”
Logan peered through his visor. Ahead of his guide’s slim figure, he saw nothing but more of the same brown hues. A sudden uneasiness prickled his skin. “Where? I don’t see anything.”
“If you could see it, it wouldn’t be very hidden, would it? Come on.”
She beckoned him forward, and a few paces later, stopped entirely. She crouched down and scrabbled at the sand a few times, revealing a circular wooden hatch buried under a thin layer of sand. It didn’t look that heavy, but she grunted and strained to lift it up with her paws, revealing a dark cavern down inside.
“In you go,” she said, pointing her tail at the hole.
Something about this didn’t sit right with Logan. Maybe it was the way her fur stood warily on end, the way her ears shivered every so often. Maybe it was the fact that his guide didn’t know about the Galactic Federation, yet seemed familiar enough with travelers to communicate with ease. Sure his universal translator helped, but that was only supposed to work with discovered species, not ones that had yet to be contacted and researched. Or maybe it was just that he didn’t like jumping into suspiciously dark holes in the ground.
There was also the fact that the temperature gauge in his suit was now measuring a chilly 270 Kelvin. A far cry from the heat suggested by the sun-baked sands he saw.
He had a guess where this was going, and he didn’t like it, not one bit.
“Say,” he said, conversationally. “I noticed your hologram flickering earlier. Think you need some maintenance.”
“What?” The catgirl said, raising a dusky eyebrow. “I don’t know what that is. Won’t you go inside?”
“I’m just saying. It’s a convincing show and all, promise, but once you’ve been in the biz long enough, you start noticing small details like flickering sand and mismatched temps.”
“Look at you. All the heat must’ve gone to your head.” She said, sidling up to him. There was a sudden yet subtle shift in her demeanor, so quick that he almost didn’t notice. Her eyes lowered, her tongue darted out to lick her nose, and she placed one foot in front of the other gracefully, retracing her own steps perfectly. She approached him, casually curling her tail around his leg, sending tingles up his spine.
“Poor, weary traveler. It must’ve been tough, sailing through space all on your own. Won’t you come inside and rest a while?” She purred, tugging him gently towards the open hatch. “Quickly, before the sand covers it again.”
He inched a hand towards the blaster hanging at his side, unmoved by the obvious act. “Does the word ‘gelatinous’ mean anything to you?”
Her eyes locked onto his hand, her tail going stiff behind her. “Not as such, no. Why don’t we discuss this inside? After you, of course.”
“Of course. I’ll be on my way, then.”
Logan said, shoving her away, leaping back, and unholstering his blaster, all in one practiced motion. She landed softly on all fours, hissed, then sprang at him, fast as lightning. He raised an arm to block, pulling up his blaster and aiming it at her center mass. At the same time, she skidded to an abrupt halt before him, half-crouching as one hand darted past his arm without a sound.
They both froze. Logan’s blaster trained on her torso, her claws nearly piercing his neck. It seemed they were at a deadlock.
Wait, Logan thought to himself. I have a spacesuit.
His fingers itched on the trigger, but in that same instant, he heard a small tearing sound as a single claw slipped through several layers of synthetic polymers, Kevlar, and silica fiber to rest itself pointedly against the actual skin of his neck. A small hissing sound indicated the oxygen leaking from the new hole in his suit.
“That’’s a sharp knife you’ve got.” He said, feeling his mouth drying up.
“It’s not a knife,” she said smugly, though her raised fur betrayed her wariness.
“Enough of these illusions, okay? I’ve seen through ‘em. We’re not in a desert, and you’re not a catgirl. I’ve met your kind before—shape-shifting, amorphous slimes, always taking the form of something I love. Usually it’s my late wife or a dear friend, but pretending to be a catgirl is taking it too far.” He sniffed.
She hmphed, and said, “You’re only half-right, outworlder.” She let out a trilling sound, and a moment later, the world flickered out of existence.
With the veil lifted, Logan could see the world for what it really was. Gone were the tan-brown desert and the shifting sands. In their place was a world of ash. White and grey specks drifted through a sunless sky, cold and desolate. Looking down, he saw that his feet were buried ankle-deep in the stuff. So the feeling of sand had been real, sort of. He wondered what it was made of.
Dreading what he would see, he raised his eyes once more, only to see the same catgirl shivering in her shawl before him.
“This is what I actually look like,” she said, pricking her claw against his neck. “Now how about dropping that gun and sticking your hands in the air?”
“So catgirls are real.” Logan wondered aloud, feeling hope swelling in his chest.
“I… guess?” She seemed uneasy about the way he looked at her. “So about that gun—"
“What is this place?” He asked, prodding his blaster against her stomach. “I’m pretty sure it looked like a desert world from outside. Don’t tell me you have some, some kind of planet-wide hologram going on. That would be… I don’t know, prohibitively expensive, and very concerning.”
“Yes,” she said, straight-faced. “The hologram covers the whole solar system, in fact. We are at the center of a powerful criminal empire spanning the galaxy. The white ash is made from cremating the corpses of all who have dared to oppose us, and soon you will join their ranks.”
“Woah, really?” Logan said, raising an eyebrow. They must deal in trafficking, then.
“No, I lied. Although, usually that gets a bigger reaction out of outworlders. Now come on, you can surrender now or wait until my backup gets here, and then it’ll get messy. You choose.”
“I think I’ll wait for more catgirls to show up, thanks.”
She hissed. “It’s your lucky day. Here they are now, actually.”
From behind mountains of ash, they plodded forwards. All varieties of colors, from dusky to snow-white to calico, but all sporting the same unmistakable ears and tails. Logan’s heart beat with excitement, until he noticed the strange metal tubes being pointed at him from all angles.
“Ah, am I correct in assuming that those are your planet’s version of blasters?”
The catgirl retracted her claw from his neck and nodded in confirmation. “They’ll blast a big hole right through you.” She stretched her arms and yawned wide, letting herself relax now that her reinforcements were here.
Logan dropped the blaster to his side. “Well, shit.” Surrounded by armed enemies on all sides, he had no choice but to obey.
It was then that he had a really stupid idea. One that would probably get him killed, but which would be really funny if it worked.
His blaster had a laser scope that shined a visible red dot on his target when toggled on. An attached laser pointer, in other words. If these catgirls were anything like the felines he knew on Earth…
Hell, it was worth a shot.
[To be continued? Or maybe not. I didn’t know how to end this, and I felt pretty silly writing it :c]

OP-https://www.reddit.com/WritingPrompts/s/Gnc74v6EBj
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Andy watched the streets from his apartment window with bright eyes; The music was alive.
Brass instruments trumpeted into the night sky; people bustled every which way and singers sang the rhythmic tunes of the blues on every corner. The honey notes of jazz rose and fell and seemed to hang on the breeze, making each breath intoxicating. It was like the music itself entered into the bodies of each person in the crowd and began forcing its way out in strange, swinging movements until it took shape. Then, it flowed through their limbs as smoothly as running water.
Alex began to nod his head a little. It was as if the sound itself was a living thing and had crawled into him as well; the bass drums thud, thud, thudding against his ears and his heart rate slowing to match the pace.
Performers walked up and down the sidewalks, some on unicycles or stilts, others breathing fire and juggling thin silver hoops, and everyone was dancing. It looked like the damn Mardi Gras.
Andy looked down and realized he’d been slowly tapping his leg as well. Then his body became restless. He had to get up and move, and the movements came out jerky and spazzy at first, but quickly gained fluidity. He danced alone in his apartment, swinging his arms and twirling circles over the floor. He danced all the way to the door, but just as he grabbed the handle he stopped.
The television blinked white and an alarm began barking a hateful and continuous “BZZRT” noise.
For a moment it broke the spell, and he had stopped moving. He watched the TV as the letters C.D.C. dawned over the screen. An automated voice began to speak in a deep and monotonous tone, “A state of emergency has been declared over the states that follow: Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Georgia. There is a deadly virus that has become airborne; the most prominent symptoms are vivid audio hallucinations, and uncontrollable restlessness. We ask all of you to stay indoors while authorities handle the situation.”
Andy stood motionless as the words disappeared, and the alarm whirred back up into its “BZZRT” noises. He thought of the people in the streets, of the jazz and the rhythmic tunes that had hypnotized him just moments ago, and—
“BZZRT”
Andy looked back at the TV. The alarm continued to sound and it interrupted each of his thoughts. It came in intervals. There were three seconds between each buzz and it sounded over and over and after a few moments it became all he could think about.
“BZZRT…BZZRT…BZZRT”
Andy began to slowly tap his foot in rhythm with the alarm, and its noises began to fade into the sweet sounds that spilled in through the window until they had mingled as one, and that tune that was in Andy’s right leg spread through the rest of his body like a hot fever.
He grabbed the handle of his door and ran to the streets below.
Outside, it was ecstasy. Andy moved like he had never moved before. The lights were incredible, casting yellow glows over everything and shimmering off of bead necklaces and fancy jewelry. Exotic perfumes hung thick in the air along with the sweet smell of sweat, and body odor.
He danced with strangers, spinning and holding random people without a second thought to it. His mind was enveloped in a cloud of golden melody, and his body a bird, soaring through it as high and free as one could possibly be. He wasn’t Andy anymore, in fact, he couldn’t remember his name at all. He was one with the music, and to him, that was okay.
.
A few hours later, Andy was still jiving to the music, only a little more slowly. A few people had dropped from exhaustion, and their faces were stomped bloody by those who still had enough energy to continue.
A wall of armed men wearing hazmat suits approached from the south end of the street, and gunshots began to cut through the night. The snaps of their rifles sounded like someone playing the spoons, so Andy took it as that and danced to its tune as well. He danced all the way up until the moment that the firing squad put a bullet through his hard.
The hot pain of the bullet hole wasn’t surprising, nor was the fact the man shot him in the chest. For some reason, that made perfect sense in Andy’s mind. The only thing that really surprised him in that moment was the fact that he couldn’t move his arms anymore, and soon after he couldn’t move his legs. He sprawled backwards over the asphalt and his vision faded into blackness as he slipped into a honey sea of melodies, never again to be interrupted.
END

Hey all, i’m new to the group and have been reading many of the posts, which make me feel like i’m right where I belong.
My GI symptoms began approximately one year ago. I was woken up with awful upper indigestion/heartburn and can not sleep through it. Burping up mucus, hiccups and an on and off again pain in the chest. These episodes were approximately happening once every two or so months, so not terrible. Always while I was asleep, and it wakes me up everytime.
In between then and May 2024, I would occassionally get random diarrhea and my stomach would act up out of nowhere. So I began to change up my diet and started cutting out many things, to include red meat.
Fast forward to around May 14th. I ate my dinner (smokey gouda chicken which was a Factor meal) and had a really bad stomach ache with very bad gas afterwards, which seems to be a constant for me now, after pretty much everything I eat (for the most part). My stomach starts to ache, I get gas all over to include in my chest. I’ve had a lower back ache for over a month, that I believe is related to these GI problems now. The pain/dull back ache moves around a bit from the left, to the right and to the right side of my body, so its not always the same spot. Obviously, this has me freaking out a bit, because i’m lost as to what it could be.
My poops are definitely not as normal as they use to be and I am sometimes constipated now. Some days I poop 2-3 times, so its not very consistent. The only thing that is consistent is the gas and stomach aches I keep getting. I even cut out dairy completely (4 days ago), but i’m still getting the gas pains. My stomach will also be super noisy and I fart like crazy. Not trying to be disgusting or inappropriate, just want to make sure I explain everything going on with me. I’m losing weight now also, because i’m eating much less. I will also sometimes have to urinate way more frequently then normal, which will also come out of nowhere. Sometimes I will pee 4 times in an hour and its always pretty clear urine.
I am a 45 year old male and had a clean colonoscopy in 2021. Next one will be in 2026, since I was 100% clear when they violated me lol.
Monday June 3rd, i’m scheduled for an Endoscopy and that will be my first. I’m a little nervous because of all the crazy symptoms I have been having the last few weeks.
Any info or advice would be greatly appreciated. I do find that Pepcid and Gas-X gives me some relief, but not complete and its only temporary. Problem is, i’m living on that stuff now. I take one Pepcid and two Gas-X a day after dinner now. Dinner always seems to be the worst reaction for me afterwards, so I save it for then.
Also I have not had any nausea or bad fatigue. Just the above symptoms.
Thank you for reading

Andy watched the streets from his apartment window with bright eyes; The music was alive.
Brass instruments trumpeted into the night sky; people bustled every which way and singers sang the rhythmic tunes of the blues on every corner. The honey notes of jazz rose and fell and seemed to hang on the breeze, making each breath intoxicating. It was like the music itself entered into the bodies of each person in the crowd and began forcing its way out in strange, swinging movements until it took shape. Then, it flowed through their limbs as smoothly as running water.
Alex began to nod his head a little. It was as if the sound itself was a living thing and had crawled into him as well; the bass drums thud, thud, thudding against his ears and his heart rate slowing to match the pace.
Performers walked up and down the sidewalks, some on unicycles or stilts, others breathing fire and juggling thin silver hoops, and everyone was dancing. It looked like the damn Mardi Gras.
Andy looked down and realized he’d been slowly tapping his leg as well. Then his body became restless. He had to get up and move, and the movements came out jerky and spazzy at first, but quickly gained fluidity. He danced alone in his apartment, swinging his arms and twirling circles over the floor. He danced all the way to the door, but just as he grabbed the handle he stopped.
The television blinked white and an alarm began barking a hateful and continuous “BZZRT” noise.
For a moment it broke the spell, and he had stopped moving. He watched the TV as the letters C.D.C. dawned over the screen. An automated voice began to speak in a deep and monotonous tone, “A state of emergency has been declared over the states that follow: Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, and Georgia. There is a deadly virus that has become airborne; the most prominent symptoms are vivid audio hallucinations, and uncontrollable restlessness. We ask all of you to stay indoors while authorities handle the situation.”
Andy stood motionless as the words disappeared, and the alarm whirred back up into its “BZZRT” noises. He thought of the people in the streets, of the jazz and the rhythmic tunes that had hypnotized him just moments ago, and—
“BZZRT”
Andy looked back at the TV. The alarm continued to sound and it interrupted each of his thoughts. It came in intervals. There were three seconds between each buzz and it sounded over and over and after a few moments it became all he could think about.
“BZZRT…BZZRT…BZZRT”
Andy began to slowly tap his foot in rhythm with the alarm, and its noises began to fade into the sweet sounds that spilled in through the window until they had mingled as one, and that tune that was in Andy’s right leg spread through the rest of his body like a hot fever.
He grabbed the handle of his door and ran to the streets below.
Outside, it was ecstasy. Andy moved like he had never moved before. The lights were incredible, casting yellow glows over everything and shimmering off of bead necklaces and fancy jewelry. Exotic perfumes hung thick in the air along with the sweet smell of sweat, and body odor.
He danced with strangers, spinning and holding random people without a second thought to it. His mind was enveloped in a cloud of golden melody, and his body a bird, soaring through it as high and free as one could possibly be. He wasn’t Andy anymore, in fact, he couldn’t remember his name at all. He was one with the music, and to him, that was okay.
.
A few hours later, Andy was still jiving to the music, only a little more slowly. A few people had dropped from exhaustion, and their faces were stomped bloody by those who still had enough energy to continue.
A wall of armed men wearing hazmat suits approached from the south end of the street, and gunshots began to cut through the night. The snaps of their rifles sounded like someone playing the spoons, so Andy took it as that and danced to its tune as well. He danced all the way up until the moment that the firing squad put a bullet through his hard.
The hot pain of the bullet hole wasn’t surprising, nor was the fact the man shot him in the chest. For some reason, that made perfect sense in Andy’s mind. The only thing that really surprised him in that moment was the fact that he couldn’t move his arms anymore, and soon after he couldn’t move his legs. He sprawled backwards over the asphalt and his vision faded into blackness as he slipped into a honey sea of melodies, never again to be interrupted.
END

( pre notice , i think its Lyme due to symptoms starting right after coming back from over seas in morocco, aswell when i first landed i stayed in a oldish beach house where i was being bitten non stop and got extremely sick that ultimately ended in me losing a bunch of weight and stopped eating all summer. The bits where absolutely huge and took up most of my thigh) ……………….. Hey there, I (F17) have been suffering since August 2023 with a whole range of symptoms. I came back from two months overseas with a quick onset of eye pain and a whole bunch of pressure on the top of my right eye, along with daily headaches at the same time every day. In October, I had a thunderclap headache and went to the ER where they did a brain CT that came back clear. Fast forward to my neurologist making me have an MRI and MRV of the brain that came out fully clear, so she decided that I probably just had chronic migraines. It was really bad; I lost a bunch of weight, slept for most of the day, and was dizzy all day.
November came, and I had my first bout of neck pain. It wasn't too bad, but I was so exhausted from the pressure on my eye that it made me feel mentally horrible. My headache reduced from daily to only having extreme major ones 1 or 2 times in the month, along with daily thumping and nausea. I started PT for my neck in late March, and that's when I had my out-of-nowhere numbness and tingling and pins and needles down my right arm so i was sent to have a chest xray which came out normal aswell . My knuckles feel on fire, and my skin is burning with a bunch of neck pain, so I got an MRI for my neck yesterday, and my results are perfectly normal.
The worst part is that now I have nothing else that I can do about it. The pain keeps spreading around my upper body, and I slur my speech and have complete weakness in my hand and can't brush my hair also as of Friday for like 10 minutes my hand started to burn like it was on fire and got all red and the veins swelled up out of nowhere. Both my PT and neurologist are extremely confused and have absolutely no idea what's happening, especially since all my symptoms are on one side. My left side feels perfect, and I weirdly feel my fatigue only on my right side. Any ideas on what I should do next?
Diagnosed now with - parenthesia of the upper limb (right side) - cervicalgia ( right side only ) - Chronic migraine ( right side only) - Pain and pressure of the right eye
I have tried both sumatriptan and rizatriptan and both made pass out for almost 25-48 hours and didn’t even work
Also sad but funny fact , everyone in my neurologist office calls me the medical mystery but I genuinely feel like i cant be the only one who has suffered through these symptoms….. right?

Hi. I am 44 and peri-menopausal. I am hoping someone can give me some insight or has had a similar experience. For the last year and a half I have been experiencing, what I know now, is peri-menopause symptoms. Brain fog, anxiety, depression, fatigue and breakthrough/ old bleeding throughout the month, heavy periods, losing hair, moody, vaginal dryness etc . I was basically bleeding out brown old blood for at least half the month and it was gross and embarrassing. That’s what finally had me go to the doctor. I didn’t know all of these symptoms were peri-menopause but after going to my OBGYN and studying up on it, I now know that is what was/ is going on. My OBGYN gave me a Mirena IUD for the progesterone and prescribed me 2mg of estridol oral pills daily. So far, I don’t think I am having hot flashes as a symptom. Maybe a little night sweats but nothing a fan can’t fix. My biggest complaint was/is dry vagina. I just became single after 15 years in a sexless marriage and I am seeing someone new and I want to have fun and not be a desert down there. So the OBGYN put me on the 2mg estridol pills. I started my first period since the IUD and I started the estridol pills when I started my period ( that’s what the doctor said to do). I have been bleeding for 11 days. It is like a regular period ( I can use regular tampons) it’s not heavy like before the hormones. The second day of the period I passed a HUGE blood clot ( golf ball) and had a lot of other clotting for a few days. Other than that, it is an average pre peri period.It just won’t stop. So my questions are: is 2mg of estridol a lot? I feel like it’s a lot. Maybe I don’t need the estrogen? Or less? I just don’t want a dry vagina and brown bleeding. Is that so much to ask?! Does this bleeding eventually stop after the hormones level out/ my body gets used to them ? I will be calling my OB after the weekend. I am just looking for insite. Im thinking about cutting the estrogen in half

Secret Dragon - Chapter 2: Ignite
I opened the book and skimmed through a few chapters, happy to finally see some true information, with substance. Although I had many books of my own, I had never brought any of them to class; I had no intention of being asked about them or pressing the issue.
By virtue of my existence, it and I would be scrutinized. I had neither the patience nor the desire for another microscope to be placed above me.
But Sasha had no such reservations even after I told him about the curriculum, although he relented and said he would figure out a way around that nonsense. It seemed as if he was determined to go against the grain.
We spoke deeply, about different subjects, our project, and his books. The more he talked the more at ease he became. I unknowingly got closer and closer to him as the time passed. I had to literally pull myself back a few times. I wondered if he noticed. It was confusing how I kept leaning into the heat coming off his breath.
We were both startled at the sound of chairs scraping. We looked around as our peers gathered their things.
“It seems that for the first time this class is actually worth my time. Usually I am the first to leave,” Sasha said, surprised.
“I know,” I revealed.
“Hmmm,” he vocalized deeply. I had no idea if it was “oh really” or “interesting” or any other answer. It was just a deep throat vibration. I just knew he would do that a lot. I could feel it.
As I was packing my things, I realized I was a little feverish. I put a hand to my cheek. Was it hot? Or was it that he was speaking heat in my direction? I couldn’t tell. I never ran hot.
He watched me touching my face and chuckled to himself, putting away his books. I really wanted to be annoyed—at anyone else I would have been—but his lighthearted laughter surprised me; so joyous after so many weeks of being a specter in the classroom.
I looked him in his eyes, though, and shook my head challengingly at him, as if to say “what?” That only made him laugh out loud. It was both quiet and bassy all at the same time. The kind of laugh that was bottomless, scratchy. The kind of laugh you could tell would boom and shake you if given the space.
I never thought I’d hear that coming from him, let alone directed at me. I refrained from expressing an iota of emotion beyond a small smile. I had to stay cool.
Pam walked over to our table swiftly, no doubt looking to be rid of Jonah. She smiled at Sasha, grinned really.
“So. We finally meet! Pam Swiftwater,” she chirped. Her hand shot out as fast as she walked. Sasha halted his movement. He extended his hand more slowly, gently, engulfing her delicate hands in his large ones.
“Of course. I am Sasha Emberscale,” Sasha said, pulling his hand back to pat his chest.
Pam gave me a knowing glance of drama. “Oh I know who you are,” she said.
“Likewise; you are in my open physical hour,” he reminded her. “You are on the track team.”
“That’s right! It’s nice to finally, officially, meet you.”
Sasha raised his brow at her. “My friend has spoken of you,” he said offhand.
“What friend?” Pam asked, taken aback.
“Seth Fairbreeze, dragon of the wind.”
“Oh?” Pam said, her interest piqued. I didn’t know whether she knew who that was. But it intrigued both of us nonetheless.
“I will introduce you, of course, now that we are properly acquainted.”
“I can’t wait.” I knew she couldn’t.
Pam glanced back at her table and groaned. “Let’s get out of here. If I have to talk to Jonah any longer, I swear Imma strangle him.”
Sasha laughed heartily. “Very well. Let us depart this place to avoid attempted murder,” he joked.
“Why don’t you stick with us? We’re in the same course after this,” I suggested, gathering my items. I didn’t even hesitate asking him that. I’d done enough hesitating.
Sasha’s laugh tapered off into a quiet chuckle. “Of course. I would desire nothing more.”
I couldn’t hide my elation this time. Pam snickered at me. Thankfully he didn’t notice. I assumed.
Sasha draped his jacket across his arm, opting not to put it back on. Admittedly I enjoyed the view. He gestured for us to exit the class before him.
Every once in a while he would look down at me as we walked through the halls. I noticed his eyes following me.
I would sneak a glance at him when he wasn’t looking. It was apparent just how large he was now that I was walking right next to him. He was one of the only people in school taller than me. His shoulders were broad, arms thick. I know I was staring at the way they flexed as he moved. Couldn’t help but to.
Everything in me wanted to take that arm of his for my own. The thought of it being mine just felt so natural. I had to check myself a few times walking beside him.
It would be mine in time. That I promised myself.
—
We entered our Dragontongue class where I took a seat on his right at a table. Pam sat at mine.
Class with Sasha was much more interesting than ever before. He spoke freely and pleasantly, a stark contrast to the silent dragon he had been before I sat at his table in Dragonology. It was like something that had weighed on him had vanished.
I wasn’t unaware that he was happier since we had talked. I was pleased that it was me that had pulled him out of whatever darkness was holding him.
Again a pang of irritation ran through me. Why had I not introduced myself before? Just hearing the depth of his voice and the eloquence of his speech had me feeling some type of way. I could have been hearing that in my ears for weeks, those words of his carried on desert sands.
As class droned on, I saw that Sasha was appraising the professor with a raised brow as if too polite to allow complete disdain across his face.
He began to tell us about different Dragontongue dialects quietly, I suppose to keep himself occupied or distracted. I had to lean all the way in to hear his voice. It reverberated in my ears.
“If you were to say that word in the southern regions of Lyfax, it would mean to place bricks or stones atop each other as if building something. If you said that in the northeastern region, it means much the same, but doubles as a slang word meaning to fu— I am sorry, to have relations with someone.”
Pam squealed and covered her mouth. I covered mine too. I had wanted to hear the word ‘fuck’ come out of his polite mouth.
“Are you serious?” I asked instead.
“Yes, I am,” he said, brow raised. “Take care in who you say it to and in what context.”
Sasha tapped another paragraph “This term here. If you were to say it in the Northernmost tip of the country, it is basically calling someone a piece of filth in the wrong context, while just a few regions down it simply means to clean something without any further colloquial use. Their origins most likely started off with the same meaning and deviated as the people left and settled elsewhere. Knowing different dialects of Dragontongue in Lyfax is important. Linguistics interests me, as you can probably surmise.”
“Do you speak a lot of languages?” Pam asked.
“I occasionally travel for my work and interact with different dignitaries. I must know many languages and dialects at least at a rudimentary level.”
“Oh wow…” I said, truly impressed. Now that I had listened to his voice, I couldn’t place his accent. Unless deep was one. It wasn’t as if I was familiar with Lyfaxians’ manner of speech or various accents anyway. “What do you speak?” I asked
“Hmmmm. Common Lyfaxian. Common Lizardtongue. Dragontongue, of course; several dialects: fire, moon and wind. Many people know these. Shelltongue. Salamandra…one other.”
“Goodness,” I said in awe. I stashed away that “one other.” I’d ask about it later. I couldn’t imagine why it would be a secret. Hypocritically.
“My speech is not perfect in Shelltongue or Salamandra yet. But I can hold a conversation. I would enjoy learning and speaking your dialect of Dragontongue, as you mentioned earlier,” he remarked to me. Of course, Pam regarded me in shock. She gave me a chiding look, rightfully so.
Sasha didn’t miss her reaction. “If it is trouble, do not worry about it,” he said, frowning.
“No, It’s okay,” I reassured him. “I don’t mind.”
He was still uncertain, looking at Pam’s concerned face. “If I am to converse with a new group of dragons, I would prefer to know their dialect,” he whispered. “But not if it is cause for alarm. For some reason.”
Pam sighed in relief upon hearing him refer to me as a dragon. “Oh okay.”
“It’s fine. Complicated. I’ll tell you later,” I said, waving it all away. Sasha nodded.
“So did you all decide on a topic for your assignment?” Pam asked.
“Of course. We spoke much of it. I look forward to working with Leila.” Sasha said. I liked the way he said my name, the way he swung the vowels upward to where they needed to go. As it should be. “It will be interesting,” he said.
Pam glanced over to me. “How so?”
I looked amused, I’m sure. “Let’s say our Dragonology topic is about to be spicy,” I hinted.
“Sasha you’re a horrible influence already,” she accused, raising her brows at him.
“Of course,” he confirmed, chuckling deeply. “One needs a little corruption in the right direction, every once in a while.”
“Corruption? Oh really?” I said, regarding him in what I intended to be mock surprise. But I was genuinely shocked that he said it. He hadn’t corrupted me yet. He could try, but only when I was through with him.
Sasha chuckled silently. Just a trembling of the shoulders. A soft billow of scalding heat wafting across my face. Mmm, maybe sooner then.
Pam’s eyes widened, but she was beyond amused. If she could manifest a snack to observe our rapidly forming dynamic, she would have in a heartbeat.
She sat back, twirling her pencil. I knew she was about to start something. The twitch in the corner of her mouth was working. She was about to instigate her heart out. I groaned quietly.
“You know, Leila speaks all the same languages you do. She’s fluent in Shelltongue even; one of her best friends is Turtlefolk. She works at a place where a lot of people from different places come through. She took it upon herself to learn their languages.”
I groaned more.
“Is that so?” Sasha inquired, angling his body toward me. He sounded impressed.
I just rubbed my brows. I did not advertise my language skills. He looked at me with interest. “That is admirable. Why do you not wish to speak of it?” he asked.
“I don’t like puffing myself up. Drawing attention. Not that you are doing that,” I clarified.
Sasha smiled. “I know what you meant,” he said, speaking Shelltongue. I grinned. “I have been somewhat successful at not drawing attention—past my appearance at least—for a few weeks now.”
“Except your grades of course,” I pointed out in Shelltongue as well. “Literally perfect grades except two, and that’s only because of inaccuracies.”
Sasha raised his brow. “Ah, right, you have been keeping tabs on my marks. Very well; I have been under the radar except for my marks.”
“See? Y’all can speak tongues to each other in every flavor,” Pam said casually.
My mouth dropped. To say my eyes widened would be an understand. I shielded the side of my face.
Sasha choked and laughed quietly, holding his chest.
Never had she been that brazen. And she had said some crazy ass things for as long as I’d know her.
She looked so proud of herself.
“Pam, you are trying to start something, are you not?” Sasha guessed—back in Lizardtongue—looking away in laughter.
“Of course not. I don’t know what you mean,” she said, smirking.
I rubbed my face. “What were we even talking about?”
Sasha spoke as quietly as he could. “Different languages. Dialects. Things of that nature. Tongues, apparently,” he said, leaning toward me.
Really Sasha? I thought. He was something else.
He leaned back again and looked ahead, his smile dimming. “Also, things your professor apparently will not teach,” he said, the scales of his brows beginning to furrow.
“Yeah. It’s frustrating,” I agreed, uncovering my face.
“This class is testing my endurance. To hear my language butchered and be told that the proper way is incorrect is vexing.”
Pam stared at the professor, then at Sasha. “I’m sorry. This class is far beneath how you—and we—speak.”Pam and the rest of the Swiftwater Clan spoke to my family in the True way, the way of Sun Dragons.
Sasha leaned back. “And yet I have no choice but to be here,” he remarked. “And, apparently, neither do you both.”
It was a painful requirement, but a mandatory one. I nodded.
Pam turned back to the front of class. “You must be bored here at this university,” she said.
Sasha rubbed his chin. “Hmmmm,” he rumbled deeply. The vibration of that inquisitive hum made my shoulders tingle. I had to close my eyes and put a hand to my chest to halt my heart’s pounding.
“I was, yes,” he said slowly, “but yesterday was my last day of boredom. Today, the season has changed.” He glanced at me as he said it.
My mouth twitched into a smile. I found his choice of words particularly appealing. Pam looked curiously at him, but said nothing.
Sasha angled his body back toward me. I don’t know if I imagined it, but it felt like his whole existence was radiating heat now. It sent rush through my body.
“Let us return to our ‘lesson’ and pretend to care,” he suggested.
“Sasha,” I laughed, nudging his arm. It was hot to the touch. I was not imagining it.
“What?” he said innocently.
I shook my head at him, incredulous. I had no idea he was so funny. Who would have thought that sullen dragon was full of humor. He relented.
“I will behave myself,” he lied through his fanged teeth, patting his chest.
“Doubtful,” I returned, amused. It was easy to talk to him. Like we were old friends. Sasha was right: Pam had started something.
—
Sasha continued pointing out more language dialect rules and vocabulary from Lyfax. Things we couldn’t have learned on our own.
There were so many regions to learn about. I listened intently as he described them, and asked questions about everything. It was as if he was taking me on a mental tour of those far away places…
Before that day we hadn’t said a word to each other. Hadn’t shaken hands or anything. Whenever we had met eyes, we would quickly look away. I didn’t understand why we had done that. Now here we were hunched over a text book with our heads damn near touching. The heat of his breath warmed my face. It was hotter than earlier that day. Much hotter. No one was close enough to be bothered by it but Pam, and she did not seem to react to it.
And still I kept on gravitating closer. Because of how he had angled his body toward me, my left arm eventually pressed against his right.
My breathing stuttered, being in such close proximity to him. And I knew he felt it. He had to have felt it. Because I felt him tremble.
And there it was again! That strange rumble emanating from him, from his throat, I could now tell. Now that I was touching him, it was amplified, coursing through me. I tried to pinpoint its essence. It was very much like a growl, the crackling of a fire. And a hum; it reminded me of the way he responded to things without words. Hmmm.
All of it together was a magnetic song. I couldn’t help but listen. Let it lull me into a dream.
I wandered from the lesson for a moment to imagine what it would be like to just feel all of it pressed up against my chest. To embrace him and the heat he radiated.
I wanted to feel his fire whipping around me, not just the heat off him. To embrace a cascade of his flames. washing over me, engulfing me fully.
What would kissing Sasha be like? By the Goddess, the thought of drinking his fire until the persistent ice inside me melted was too tantalizing. If only I could just taste his breath inside my mouth… I wanted to look into his throat where I knew a flickering flame lie in wait. To explore it. Mmm.
It was like some deep ancestral memory was awakening. My breathing grew heavier. I swear to the goddess I heard his breath do the same. Except his breathing was punctuated by the rumbling crackle right under it. I knew he was in the same place I was.
I had to close my eyes and turn my head away from the heat coming off the words from his mouth. Because if I didn’t I would do something about it in that classroom—
“Leila?”
I emerged from my other world, his voice having shaken me from my daydream. I looked back to him.
“Class is over,” he rumbled into my ear quietly, the hotness washing over my neck and face. I rubbed those intense thoughts from my brows but they lingered everywhere else. I inhaled deeply and set about gathering my stuff. My hands shook.
Something hot brushed down my arm as he got up to gather his things. I looked down to see his claw drifting away from it. I thought it was an accident until he glanced at me. He smiled faintly though his brows were intense.
“Let us go,” he said gently, nodding toward the door.
“Okay,” I said, my eyebrow raising in interest. I slipped my bag over my shoulder. When he turned toward the door, I touched the trail of burning scales where he’d run his finger. When I say I could not breathe… I covered my mouth, then just rubbed my face with both hands. I didn’t know what to do. Mercy.
Looking around, my peers were also preparing to leave, so I composed myself the best I could and followed Sasha through the doorway.
—-
Dragontongue had been our last class of the day—”wow, you want that Dragontongue real bad huh?”Pam said— and it was time for us to part ways.
She chatted with Sasha, and I examined him while he was distracted.
I followed his gestures and mannerisms, wondering how he could weave such a spell over me that day. My behavior and my carefully curated facade were usually well under my control, perfected to give nothing away but pleasantness. But this dragon…
What I thought had been a perfect program was utterly interrupted. And the funny thing was, I wasn’t even mad at it. It was a break from the rigidity and monotony of my endless time at school. A break from my own reluctance to invite unknowns to myself, even those I desired. Like him.
For the first time in my life I thought ‘this is what the Sun must feel like to everyone else.’
From the moment I knew myself, my body had been cold. It was a point of contention between me, my parents and my Clan, all the Sun Clans. My mother was literally the leader of the Sun Dragons. And we, Sunscales, were Prime. Named directly after the Goddess.
People thought I was sickly. Anemic they called me. Even worse, some thought I was cursed. Most thought I wasn’t fit to be a leader in the future.
I did not let it stop me. I aimed for absolute perfection to stave off any doubt. Even at the expense of my own happiness sometimes.
My cold scales did not bother me. Although, at times, I wondered if I would be that way forever.
But now, I had felt Sasha’s warmth. This dragon had actually apologized in our first class for giving me the heat I never felt outside of putting my whole hand in a woodfire. It lingered in my scales as if they had drank it. They had awakened from a cold slumber.
I couldn’t go back.
I touched my arm that had been pressed against his, where his claw had grazed. Still hot to the touch. In fact everywhere he had breathed on, been near or looked at blazed. He had touched other things, shook hands with peers, finally, spoken to Pam, and none reacted as if he was exuding endless fire. Just me. Just for me.
“It has been a good day. You two have been so welcoming,” he said graciously. I was broken from my musings, realizing he was leaving. “I hope we continue to be friends during my time here.”
“For sure,” I said without hesitation, a little breathlessly. I didn’t want him to leave. He smiled warmly at me, almost in relief.
Pam smiled too. “Same,” she said. She began to rummage in her bag.
“It was nice to finally meet you,” he said softly to me. He put his hand out. I took it in mine. It was even hotter than before, unless I imagined it. I again put my other hand on top of his as if taking the warmth from it, to hold till later.
I don’t know what possessed me, but I let my thumb slide over the scales on the back of his hand. I didn’t even realize at first. But then I looked up and noticed Sasha was staring at me with his brow raised.
Gods, I could have died right there. Melted right into the floor and fallen into the void.
I almost pulled my hand in embarrassment, but he did not seem startled or upset. Instead Sasha placed his other hand atop mine. His face became intense for a moment, then softened. It seemed that neither of us wanted to let go. We did, though. The moment was brief, but it held much.
Pam, who had glanced up at us, had a barely concealed grin spreading over her face. She broke the spell that had drifted over us.
“Thank you for teaching us all that extra stuff about different dialects. I especially like that ridiculous word with the bricks,” she said, breaking the tense air.
Sasha shook his head as if clearing it. “Of course. I thought you might find that one amusing,” he said. He glanced at his phone, which had vibrated.
“You can lay your bricks on me anytime,” I mumbled to myself, still feeling the heaviness of that moment in my chest. I couldn’t help myself, saying that. I knew good and well it was provocative. I knew he might hear me. My mouth simply didn’t care. It was going to get me in trouble, I just knew it. I stared at my hand in wonder. It felt like fire had spread over it. What was he doing to me? Did he even realize that he was doing something? It didn’t seem like it.
In that same vein, Sasha didn’t say anything; he hadn’t been paying attention, I thought. Probably for the best. But then I heard him say something under his breath.
“Wow,” he whispered, silently laughing. I looked up at him. He covered his eyes, his shoulders shaking.
“Oh shit,” I said, covering my eyes as well.
Pam looked up. “What?” she asked, startled.
Sasha tried his best to keep a straight face, but it was impossible. He just laughed aloud then, a laugh that shook me to the core.
“Shut up,” I said, also laughing. I shielded my face in my hand as if I could hide from the embarrassment.
“I have said nothing,” he pointed out, his hands up.
“Please, please, let’s pretend I didn’t just say that shit,” I pleaded with him.
Pam’s eyes widened. “Oh my gods, what?”
“I will not say, Pam, yet I will never forget it,” Sasha said, smiling widely.
“What?” I replied, shocked.
“I will never forget it,” he repeated.
“By the Goddess Sasha. Are you serious?”
Sasha rubbed his eyes, still chuckling occasionally. “I am. Would you, if you were in my position?”
“Oh my gods,” I said weakly, still covering the side of my face.
Sasha patted his hand on his chest. “Gods, truly I needed today, desperately. It is no trouble to me, that you have said this. Certainly not. Unfortunately, I have a meeting to attend to, but we will discuss this permanent memory later, Leila Sunscale,” he said.
“Yeah, I bet,” I groaned, my voice shakey. I covered my face more. I was out of my mind, surely.
I heard Sasha begin to walk away, but his footsteps slowed. He hesitated, I guessed.
“Leila, do you have plans today?" he asked.
I looked up. He was looking at me expectantly. I couldn’t even say anything. I was still reeling from my ridiculous blunder. Now he wanted to see me! “What? I… umm—“
“No she doesn’t have plans,” Pam spoke up. Bless her.
Sasha smiled. “Perhaps we can speak of our project. I will find you later this evening as long as you are outside. I apologize for my abrupt departure but I must go.”
“Okay, cool,” I said. I rubbed my forehead.
He walked to the exit and looked back at me. “Perhaps we can build something later; I am not a bad mason, Leila Sunscale,” he said, chin raised. My mouth dropped. This dragon…
He let out a deep laugh and left. I watched him disappear through the doors of the hall, then followed him out. I saw a flash of red turn a corner into another building, vanishing from my sight.
"No he didn’t," I said in disbelief. "Did you hear what he just said?" I asked incredulously, gesturing toward his exit.
“What the hells did you say Leila?”
“I may have said a little something about bricks under my breath but his ass heard me. My gods.”
“Are you serious? Girrrrl," Pam said, shaking her head. “The gall on you.”
"Why did I say that? I must be crazy." I placed my hand over my forehead. Hot.
"I mean, he liked it," Pam said. "He thought it was funny. See, no harm done. If anything it sounds like Sasha has some business with you Leila," she teased.
I rubbed my face. I couldn't believe that I had run my mouth like that. In the other hand, I was pleased to have been so reckless. It had led me down this path. My scales prickled despite my embarrassment. Why should I feel bad now? He took my accidental flirtations as an invitation. And wasn’t that what I wanted?
Pam’s demeanor softened.
“Hey, for weeks you’ve been talking about how attracted you are to him. He turned out to be super nice, and he has a sense of humor, too. I like him. Fate is smiling on you again.”
"You sound like my mother," I noted.
“That's 'cause she's always right, isn’t she?" Pam pointed out, brow raised.
“Fine… She is,” I conceded. She would have said those words. In truth I had heard her say them many times.
Resigned to my fate, I stepped into the quad with Pan. I walked into a shaft of sunlight and sat on the bench it spilled onto, the Sun’s rays warming me. I closed my eyes against them, basking.
“I may as well go study while I wait for him. I can’t believe this is happening,” I remarked.
“Well believe it. Your bricklayer is seeing you today,” Pam teased.
“Pam, for real?” I remarked, opening my eyes.
“What? Come on. We can both go study.” Pam hugged me. She looked puzzled though.
“Leila. You feel hot. You never run hot. You’re not having a stroke are you?” she asked, alarmed.
“No. That’s just because he sat next to me the whole day,” I revealed. And breathed on me, leaned on me… I shut my eyes, wishing I had lied.
Pam nodded, not noticing my apprehension. “Oh okay. That makes sense. We did just get out of class. I didn’t know fire dragons were like that just idly,” she mused. “Let’s get on out of here.”
I wanted to tell her what I really felt. But I was sure it would sound crazy. Maybe I would after I met him and spoke to him. Privately.

We walked together through the courtyard. I glanced through the windows of various buildings looking for red scales moving in the halls. I saw nothing, of course.
We ended up going to the library. The room was large and made of ironwood. Small nooks with tables were tucked away amongst large shelves full of tomes.
We chose a table with a window next to it.
I studied as attentively as I could, trying to occupy my mind. But I could not stop seeing Sasha in my vision. Pam gave up trying to get me to engage in conversations with her. Instead I studied for the assignment in Dragonology on my laptop, and daydreamed.
—
“It’s getting late. You don’t know when Sasha will be looking for you.” Pam said, shaking me from my focus.
The light from the windows had waned somewhat, giving way to the Sun readying for slumber.
“Oh, right. I was deep into this essay here. I wish I had borrowed his books and saved my eyes,” I said, rubbing them.
Pam yawned as we packed our things, hefting her bag up. “I’m going to head home. Tell me how everything goes. Tell me if y’all build a house!”
“Pam!” I gasped. “Oh my gods.”
“Love you! Bye!” Pam called, rushing off.
—
I strolled around the grounds reading a book, looking up at the Sun every once in a while. But I didn’t spot Sasha anywhere. I hoped that I had not missed him. I had studied a bit longer than I intended.
Eventually I sat on a bench to wait. I would wait until dusk settled. And if he didn’t show I would see him the following day. It was not as if we had exchanged our numbers.
I pulled out my notebook full of writings, poetry, doodles. It was just one volume from a collection of filled books over the duration of my life, where I pressed flowers of my heart through its pages.
Before I could put pen to paper, I paused.
I put away my old faithful journal and pulled out a new one in deep red. It was not a coincidence by any stretch. I had stared at it on the shelves of an art store until I gave in and bought it.
I hadn’t written one thing in it since. After all, I hadn’t known him, and didn’t want to write only about his appearance. I wanted to know what he was made of. Now, having met Sasha, the red book was begging for ink.
So I let myself fall into a rhythm. So many elements of Sasha had revealed themselves to me that day: this dragon’s voice, his heat, his mannerisms. The words he said, the way he said them, his sense of humor hidden under all that seriousness.
I searched my brain and gathered up all my own words, sifted through them. I wrote a few things here and there, but nothing like what I wanted.
I looked up toward the Sun for some bit of inspiration, and my breath caught. A red form flew in front of it, wings beating. Seeing Sasha framed in that circle of fire was more than I could have hoped for. I stared up at him flying until he stopped, scanning for something.
The moment of inspiration I had been searching for was right there. I spoke aloud what I had and wrote it as swiftly as my claws could move:
“A dragon in a Circle. An Inferno wrapped in the Sun A scarlet vision framed in fire A cloud of embers in the Goddess’s hands She Holds all of him out toward me The gift of a flame within a flame “
I dropped my pen and covered my mouth in embarrassment. “Oh my gods what am I writing?” I asked myself. I stared at the words.
I turned my head to read them as if a new perspective would make them less mortifying.
“Hmm,” I muttered. “Needs some work but…’A flame within a flame.’ That’s some good shit.”
I looked back up. Sasha’s gaze swept over me then away. I waved my arm up at him, bangles jangling, hoping he saw me so he wouldn’t be looking all around all day.
When Sasha looked back in my direction he stopped where he was. He descended slowly until he locked eyes with me. My heart pounded again. It was driving me up the wall, the anxiety. Or rather anticipation. I pressed my hand to my chest watching him grow closer. His wings were huge, blocking out the Sun.
I had been staring at Sasha from a distance since he had arrived, his very first day. He was imposing, the way he had entered my classes, but exceptionally polite. I had been silently competing with him since laying eyes on his grades.
Now the distance was finally closed after my nervousness had kept me away. I folded my notebook shut and stood as Sasha landed with a woosh of air.
I looked upon him not as a mysterious figure in the back of class but as a new friend. More. I couldn’t help but smile when he straightened his already straight clothes as he moved toward me.
He smiled right back at me, chin raised.
“Leila,” he said.
“Sasha. Hey,” I replied.
“So,” he said, “you spoke of bricks earlier,” he teased.
My mouth dropped again. This dragon…
“You aren’t letting that go are you?” I asked.
“Never. Even if nothing ever came of it, I would never forget.”
“By the gods,” I muttered.
“I am not complaining,” he clarified.
My eyes widened. Then it occurred to me that he had insinuated something would come of it. Goddess, I felt my own fire sweep across my cheeks. I was so flustered I covered my mouth with the heel of my palm letting my claws settle over my cheek. I couldn’t stop the motion fast enough.
Sasha laughed good naturedly. Sweetly, even. “I will stop teasing. For now,” he said.
“For now?” I repeated past my palm.
“For now.”
I lowered my hand. “You are a trip, do you know that?” I said, raising my eyebrow. Even though I had been nervous, actually talking to him made me feel like meeting all his words head on.
He gestured for me to walk beside him without answering. I did. I almost took his arm again, so I clutched my notebook to my chest to keep my hands in check. We didn’t say much as we walked along the quad together.
Some students were staring at us as we walked. I suppose we made quite the pair together.
“It appears we are a bit of a spectacle,” he muttered to himself curiously, agreeing with my thoughts.
I couldn’t help stealing glances at him every once in a while.
His posture was impecable. He held his left hand behind his back. The other lingered in front of his chest as if ready for something. I didn’t know how else to describe it. It was interesting, that pose; deliberate. I saw that he had rings on his fingers as well. I had not noticed them before. They were red like his scales, rough hewn. The overall pose made him seem so stately.
I couldn’t quite describe his expression. It was both intense and peaceful all at once.
He caught me staring one time, though. He was looking right at me when I peeked. I turned away and put a hand to my face. I hoisted up my bag.
“Here,” he said.
I turned back. “Here what?” I asked.
He put his hand out to me, gesturing toward my bag. I stopped walking.
“Oh. Okay. Such a gentleman,” I said, a smile playing on my face, impressed. He chuckled to himself, accepting my compliment.
I slipped my bag from my shoulder, and he took it to hold on his elbow. We started walking again. I didn’t care after that; I looked at him openly, a little bit enamored.
‘Ok Mr. Sasha Emberscale. I see you,’ I thought.
PART 2

Hi dentists,
I hope you can help me with this concern.
I had a deep cleaning done six months ago. When I got home, I started experiencing severe flu-like symptoms: shivers, high fever, headache, and body aches that lasted for days. I had to call the dentist for antibiotics, which improved my condition after about six days.
Before this procedure, I never had migraines or headaches. However, since the cleaning, I've been experiencing occasional migraines and sharp headaches. After some research, I found that bacteria entering the bloodstream could be a possible explanation. Does this account for the headaches? I've also read recent studies linking some oral bacteria to Alzheimer's disease. Should I be concerned?

I turned 30 this year. I am almost positive I contracted Lyme at 17, but because every doctor I've mentioned it to has insisted I was wrong I've just been living with slowly worsening EVERYTHING. Worsening mental health, pain, exhaustion, that I've been treating incorrectly for years.
But everything points to Lyme, INCLUDING my blood tests which finally confirmed a non-active infection that I'd have never known about if I didnt make my doctor walk me through all of my "completely normal" bloodwork. She assumed I'd been treated in the past- I wasn't. I was never diagnosed and never taken seriously despite living in the largest lyme hotspot in the country and spending a lot of time in the woods, not all of it carefully.
But you know what I was diagnosed and treated for at 17? Chlamydia. Mystery, symptomless Chlamydia that none of my doctors believed there was no way I contracted sexually and I just today learned you can contract from ticks. And a few months earlier I'd had a positive mono/epstein-barr test without symptoms, which it seems can also be triggered by Lyme.
Not long after that began the years of recurring walking pneumonia and chronic UTIs, night fever, joint swelling, random fainting spells/POTS, several false-positive TB titers and hep-b levels, very low LDL, permanently swollen lymph nodes, a very late in life adhd diagnosis that may be legitimate but could also just be due to pure brain fog, a complete intolerance to antibiotics, exercise and heat intolerance, and significantly worsening fatigue despite a healthier lifestyle every year.
But yanno, despite all these peculiarities my bloodwork was always "normal" so obviously nothing was wrong with me and my throbbing joints, aching muscles, and soul crushing fatigue was a mental problem.
Just ordered the Buhner book because I'm done with this and I'm done with doctors.

Hi, I know this is Reddit but just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.
I am a healthy male, 28 years old and typically gets sick about 1-2 times a year (common cold, sinus etc… just your basics) recently, since late last year, I have noticed I’ve been sick at least every 3-4 weeks and it’s the same symptoms. Starts with body aches, then fever, chills, bad headache and my eyes hurt when I move them. It’s the same symptoms everytime I get sick now. At first I thought it was the flu, but I’m getting this every 2-4 weeks now. What do you think it could be?

Chapter 9: Knowing
—
Suggested Listening:
Nicholas Brittel Agape
Required Listening ⭐️ Kwabs Like a Star Cover (Corinne Bailey Rae)
⭐️ Raye Vela Like a Star Cover (Corinne Bailey Rae)
—
“Is your heart doing okay?” I asked.
“Yes. It is fine. I am tired, but alright.”
“Good,” I said. “I was wondering. Can you tell me another poem? And then we can go to sleep.”
Sasha looked at me. “About what?” he said, smoke drifting into my face.
“I don’t know. Tell me one about someone you love.”
“Hmm,” he nodded. “Let’s see.”
He pondered this, then an expression I can only describe as conflicted crept across his face.
“What?” I asked.
“There are few I love so dearly as this person.”
My eyes widened. “Who is it?”
Sasha’s brow furrowed. Then he frowned. At first a little, then deeply.
“What?” I asked gently.
Sasha shook his head. I saw pain now in his expression.
“You don’t have to,” I said, my own brow furrowing. “Please don’t. I can pick something else. Or, actually, we can just go to sleep right now.”
Sasha closed his eyes. Then nodded as if he had come to a decision.
“I will do this. This person I love more than my own self. I would die for him. However, it will not be pretty, this poem.”
I frowned too. “Okay,” I whispered.
“ Sharp Like the tip of a blade Blunt Like the pommel of the same sword Me Like the face of his face Him Like the reflection of my visage Swift Like the bird of prey’s flight Ruthless Like the killing of its hunt Dark Like the night without the moon Troubled Like the Dead River of the Void Alive Like his heart’s beating rhythm Dying Like the joy of his soul “
“Who is that about?” I asked, concerned. “You, ‘the face of his face.’ Your twin?”
“Yes. He is not well,” Sasha said.
“Why? What happened?”
Sasha turned away from me, shaking his head. “It is too heavy to speak of just now. In the future we will.”
“Okay, I get you,” I reassured him.
“Thank you. I worry about him everyday. I call him just as much. I would give my life for him. I owe it to him,” Sasha said fiercely. “He gave his and much more. Because of his strength we survived an ordeal too terrible to speak of.”
I thought back to when he said he felt as if he were dying. I hadn’t known he meant it literally. Then the words he had latched on to: mangled and twisted. A picture was forming. A bad one.
“Thank you for creating this poem. You didn’t have to put yourself through that pain for me,” I said guiltily. Sasha shook his head at me.
“It is okay. Perhaps it was good to express his personality in poetry. It hurts to be away from him in this place. He-“ Sasha stopped. He rubbed his mouth. “I hope he is well enough to come eventually.”
I wondered what he’d been about to say. But I did not press the issue.
“Me too. I’m so sorry you all are dealing with that kind of pain. For what it’s worth, I think the poem you made about him is beautiful. Your brother sounds like a strong Wingscale that’s really going through it right now. I hope whatever joy has been stolen from him—from his soul—renews from the ashes. Or maybe some new joy will settle there, burning brightly.”
“Like a Phoenix,” he smiled. “I will tell him what you said. You two would get along, I think.”
“I can’t wait to meet him then,” I said. I wondered what sort of person he was. Moreover, I found it incredibly interesting that Sasha had a twin considering I did as well. I would tell him that news sometime when he was not already overwhelmed.
“Why don’t you get some rest? You’ve had all kinds of heart attacks and poetry and seen fire wings and what have you,” I suggested.
Sasha chuckled. “Perhaps. I must escape from this. I do not think I have made so many beautiful words manifest as poetry as I have tonight. If I do not sleep I will continue.”
“Okay, right? I usually spend some serious time writing these things. But tonight it’s like my mouth is possessed by my own self.”
“What an apt way to describe it. I feel the same. I acknowledge that my manner of speech is skilled, but tonight it holds a level of eloquence that I did not know I possessed.”
I thought back to his oration, the first thing he recited of our lyrical night. I shivered. “Sasha, you can ‘Speak to me’ anytime. This soul is listening. Eloquence indeed.”
“I promise I will speak to you more oration. You are the only person I know who would enjoy such serious strings of words for your own enjoyment.”
“I have a taste for dignity,” I replied.
Sasha paused. “What more do you need of eloquence when your mouth creates it from nowhere?”
“You have the flavor I want.”
Sasha stared at me incredulously and shook his head. “I am done with you again. You talk me into a trap at every turn.”
I cackled at him. “Alright, alright. It’s time for you go to sleep.”
“Very well,” he said, laughing gently.
I held him closer, although it was impossible. His wing came down over me like a shroud of protection. We held on to each other in silence, not needing anything to fill the space. I just breathed him. Smoke. Fire. Silence. Warmth. Breath. Growl. They spoke enough.
After a while of just laying there in peacefulness, he fell asleep. I could feel the regular inhalations and exhalations marked by the shudder of his chest. And he was a heavy sleeper. Or he was exhausted. Both probably. His flames were still wild even in slumber. Small flickers and tendrils of fire peeked every so often from his mouth. A deep growl emanated from his chest and throat at every exhalation. I stroked Sasha’s face as he slept, the heat of his fire on my hand, and he didn’t move an inch.
I watched him for a while until it occurred to me to write out all the words we had recited to each other. I turned over and reached past his wing to grab my phone from the nightstand. The glow from my screen was strange, it’s blueness cutting through the smoky red in my vision. I sat back and typed every amazing thing we had said.
Those collections of words we had stitched together from nothing just floored me. I had never made poetry like what I did that night. Such passion and beauty.
I looked at Sasha again, thinking about the words that had entranced me from his mouth.
‘Speak to me.’
‘Speak to me.’
The phrase kept ringing out in my chest. He was right. It was a rare thing to find someone who would hang on to your every word with the utmost attention. With actual interest, engagement. I wanted to speak to him forever, about anything. And he would listen. I would listen to him.
I closed my eyes and shook my head at such strong thoughts about a stranger. I thought of all the ‘normal’ people I had dated in the past. The relationships had all gone ‘normally’: date, texting, talking into the night, more dates, sex, dates. Accusations, breakups, crying. Getting over it. Normal stuff.
This was not normal, not in the slightest. Never in all my life had I behaved the way I did under that tree. I was still wondering who that was. Who was the Leila that kissed that way, that straddled dragons in broad daylight? That made love without a first date at all and then swore a stranger to an oath of binding, a whole relationship? That spoke poetry at him from her breath like it was my own fire?
Apparently I was her. It frightened me, the speed with which she and I had moved in one evening. And yet it all felt perfectly normal, inevitable.
Of course I had known when Sasha arrived there was something special about him, no matter how I tried to pretend everything was normal. why was I pretending?
That very first day, when I saw him walk into my morning class, I wasn’t paying attention when he said who he was. I had looked up and locked eyes with him. We held each others gaze for a beat longer than necessary.
Every damn class that day, and the following, I missed him announce his name. It was like a comedy sketch. The writing class we shared was the only one I was paying close attention to, and the professor had written his name on the board of course. It was infuriating.
I watched him like a hawk after he arrived that week. In all that time he didn’t speak around me. And I never spoke to him. Why hadn’t I? What had stopped me?
Just like he said, we just kept Circling each other, but never allowed ourselves to meet at the center of our orbit. He felt the same way. He had said he wanted to speak with me as well but for some reason he didn’t.
It was like a force was beckoning us to each other. To finally meet at the center of a Circle.
This day had been the first time I heard his voice at all. If I had heard it earlier, I would have been completely undone. I would not have let him walk away from me so many times.
I stared at his sleeping form, and a thought came to me again. He avoided speaking around me on purpose. Talking to me. He had known that getting close to me might start something, but had he know it would be his voice that caused such a domino effect? Then again, he knew far more than I did about Callings. Frequencies.
I balked at that word. It was so clumsy, so empty to how it felt. We shared vibes. My soul vibrated on the same wavelength as his body. Our mouths breathed the same breath. Our hearts beat the same.
Sameness. Oneness. Vibes.
He knew something would happen to his body if he let us get too close to each other. I was what he thought I was, and he had failed to prevent that change in us. But he didn’t know anything of how these changes would manifest.
It had happened so fast that he was alarmed to see me standing there in class. As soon as I greeted him, the very second he said ‘hi,’ that curious sound beneath his voice started. The thought that he was so helpless at that moment saddened me the same way it did him when he revealed the permanence of Calling. He never stood a chance. I kissed my hand and continued to stroke his face with that kiss.
And then the wings. The dreams and visions. Those two otherworldly beings… What were we? Were we gods or something? Were we reincarnated versions of them? Possessed? Were they using us? What did any of this mean? I did not know.
I tried to be more upset about this breech on our lives that sent us careening down a path we didn’t ask for. But looking at that red dragon, how could I? Our first contact was so lovely. The way we had spoken to each other in class was sweet. Neither of us could keep a smile off our faces. Laughing and carrying on, a perfect match of good humor.
I stared at him trying to conjure up feelings of grief, apprehension, fear, irritation or anything negative at all, and I came up with nothing.
I sighed. I could tell that in that other life, in that place of lakes of fire and expanses of the cosmos, that we were really something special. Something strong. Something beautiful. I was not alarmed at our sudden connection, the strength of it, the passion of it.
But if we broke apart from one another in the future—everything in me said no—that alarmed me. The coldness. The despair. The threat of death at an incomplete attunement. At a great falling away into a chasm. It was horrifying that Sasha could literally die from us being separated. It was unfair.
I would never let that happen. How horrible a thought. Not after this Calling had fallen upon him and surprises kept rearing their heads.
I was done writing our poems and, subsequently, my musings. I put my phone back where it belonged. My head was still swirling with all those thoughts, but I shut my eyes and tried to shut down my mind.
I held Sasha again. Even in his sleep he put his arms back around me. It made me smile to be enveloped in his warmth.
Eventually I drifted off to sleep as well.

I don’t know how long I had been asleep when I felt Sasha’s heartbeat pick up enough to wake me. It was the time where night lingers in the earliest of hours. Nothing but the soft murmur of calling insects and wind outside.
I groaned and looked up into Sasha’s face, but he was still sleeping.
“What is it?” I asked, groggy.
“Please,” he slurred.
“Please what?” I whispered, more alert.
He mumbled something more in his sleep. “Make it stop,” he whispered. “Please,” he pleaded. “…the shore...”
I put my hands over my mouth. I didn’t know what he could be dreaming about. It occurred to me that all that talk of pain and wounds might have stemmed from ptsd or something like that. He was in the military after all.
I let him be just in case that’s what it was. I did not want to add additional stress or confusion to a ptsd dream.
Eventually Sasha stirred of his own accord. He opened his eyes and looked around in confusion. I waited until he seemed to be all there with me.
“Hey, you alright?” I didn’t mention his sleep talking.
He didn’t say a word for a moment, just rubbed his eyebrows. Then he patted my back. I let go of him so he could sit up.
He removed his wing from around me, groaning.
“What is it?” I inquired.
Sasha rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at me. “I heard your Calling…” he whispered tiredly in wonder, so low I almost didn’t hear him. “It was soft and quiet, almost imperceptible. But I heard it, still, in my sleep…”
My eyes widened, my heart pounding as well. I sat up. “Really?” I whispered back. “What is it like?”
He moved his head to the side, still listening. “Soft waves. A wind chime. A whisper of song. I have heard it before. That is why I awoke,” he said.
“Really?” I asked. My Calling sounded peaceful like being at the beach. Of course, my favorite place. Interesting. I sleepily folded my arms under my head.
“It is very faint.” Sasha closed his eyes. “I know when I heard it.”
“When was that?” I asked.
“You are sleepy still. We can speak of it later.”
I waved him off. “We are awake now. I have no doubt when we say we’ll sleep again it will be no trouble. I fell to sleep easily and so did you.”
Sasha chuckled to himself. “Very well, Leila.” He leaned his back, head against the headboard. His eyes stayed closed.
“I was sitting with my brother, Pasha, upon a stone wall at the beach. It was the evening before I came to this place. I was unsure if I had made the right decision to go with my father. To leave Pasha behind. I had wanted to throw myself into my work to forget the ordeal we had both gone through. But Pasha told me I needed something new, and that whatever it was lie across the ocean waiting for me. Something fulfilling. He said that, surely, wallowing in guilt, in anger and sadness, would not help me heal my wounds although he was dealing with wounds of his own.”
I wondered what wounds he meant. I had seen the scars on his wings. More pain. More scars. Mangled and twisted. He had died and would do so again. Moreover, he had muttered something about the shore. And here it appeared in his story. What had happened to him?
As if sensing my questions, he inhaled deeply.
“I will tell you of the things that transpired eventually. It was… horrible. It is still too raw for me. I apologize for these strange disjointed hints of pain, of suffering.”
“No, no. It’s okay. We will discuss it all later,” I said appreciatively. “Go on.”
“Hmm. Even after Pasha’s encouragement, I still felt apprehension about traveling to this land. All at once, I heard a woman singing on the beach, yet I saw no one.
I heard the sound of wildly swaying wind chimes, of rain, of whipping winds, but there were nothing anywhere to make such sounds.
My brother thought I was crazy. But that voice stirred my spirit as I stared out at that dark water. It was mournful, like a siren in a tempest whose heart had been broken to pieces.
At one point, she whispered a barely discernible plea: ‘Someone, just please help me.’ ‘I can’t do this.’”
I gasped in alarm, my heart hammering away so hard I thought I would have a heart attack. I knew at once the woman was me. It was me who had been pleading in turmoil, with those precise words, wanting someone to swoop down and save me. By the Goddess…
Sasha continued his tale, perhaps not noticing my change in demeanor. “I didn’t know where she was, or what it was she did not want to do, but I told my brother to give me a moment.
I stood and walked along the shore, looking for someone in need, for anything strange. I never found any such woman. I spoke a word of peace to her, whoever she was, wherever she was.”
At the same time, we both said:“Calm your spirit and be at peace. Whatever you feel, just let it exist. Let it be.”
Sasha stopped. He opened his eyes and stared at me in awe. “You heard those words?”
I nodded, heart still pounding. Which of us was having these heart troubles? Him or me?
Sasha shook his head, rubbing his face. “Madness. But truly amazing nonetheless,” he said quietly.
“Yeah…” I responded. I didn’t know what else to say.
“It was you,” he said, not asked.
“I suppose so…”
Sasha continued.
“I returned to my brother to conclude our talk. I told him I wanted to stay a while, and he stayed with me. The song turned into something sweeter after a time. I went looking yet again but never found you. Of course I could not. You were nowhere near me.
Eventually we left. Pasha and I parted ways, and I returned to my home.
No matter what I did, I could not shake your voice from my mind that evening. It sent shivers down my spine. So I returned to the beach. There was nothing else for it; I would have remained awake all night agonizing over my travels the next day anyway. Why not do so surrounded by such mystical music?
I went to a quiet place, book and blanket in hand. The water was complete still, yet the sound of waves was everywhere. Intangible, lapping against the shore.”
I recalled when I had mentioned sitting at the beach watching waves lapping on the shore. He had paused then, as we stood in his living room, thinking of something. I now knew he had recalled this event and wondered at the similarities.
“The sunset was vibrant, strangely so. It was stunning, like a painting. No one else seemed to find the sight of note but me.
You were singing, but again in sorrow. I stayed out there, reading a book and meditating, until others went away from the beach. Until only I remained. Your faint song, the softest whispers of singing, became sweet again. So much singing, you did. By the gods so much singing. It was like a quiet concert.”
I covered my face. “I’m glad you caught them,” I said, laughing.
“There was only one song I caught well enough to hear the words. You sang it over and over. I did not sleep until you uttered nothing more, your voice fading away. I felt empty at the silence, but content in that, perhaps, my presence had calmed this siren, that perhaps her broken heart had somewhat mended. Unfortunately for me; the absence of your songs caused a melancholy to settle in my spirit. A longing. I came here looking for your voice. I questioned your love of voices because it shocked me, the similarities we continue to share.”
“Hmmm,” I vocalized, not unlike he so often did.
Sasha regarded me, shaking his head in wonder. “Repeating that event back, it is obvious that this woman was you. At the time, back when it happened, I regarded it as a very strange occurrence or perhaps my descent into madness,” he said.
“You most certainly are not mad,” I said.
“Indeed. I know very well at this point that your experience across the ocean happened at that time. You knew my words.”
“I remember them well. Just like a lot of things so far, we have these experiences, the aspects of ourselves that are too similar to be a coincidence. We are like mirrors.”
“Only one of us is larger.”
“Sasha!” I exclaimed.
He laughed at me, hugging me. Then he lay down onto the bed again.
“Speak to me of that same evening,” he said.
I sat up slightly, leaning on my elbow, looking into his eyes.
“I was at the beach too. Certainly the same night, the same week you appeared at school. I have this one particular spot on the beach where no one goes but me. I would make myself a wood fire and look at the smoke swirl into tendrils, embers scattering to the wind. I would sit there to watch storms roll in the distance, writing poetry or doing homework or what have you.”
Sasha nodded, acknowledging the picture I painted was the same as his Call. I nudged him, making him smile.
“But that day? I was having an awful time. Every year I dreaded the same thing, but I always escaped. This time, there was no more running. I was cornered, trapped. And the choice was before me. I stared across the ocean and cried. I said it as you heard. ‘I can’t do this. Please help me.’ I just wanted someone to get me out of that situation, but I wasn’t willing to ask for it again. I was so tired of disappointment.
So I’m sitting there in front of these hypnotic flames singing to myself, trying to shake off those bad spirits. Couldn’t even write a poem about my own despair.”
“Impossible. I refuse to believe such nonsense,” he said, chuckling.
“Shocking, I know,” I agreed, smiling. “That’s when I heard a thunderstorm on the horizon. At least there was that, I thought. My greatest comfort to cheer me.
I’m listening to that distant storm, but there were no clouds, no darkness, no strike of lightning. It puzzled me.
But the sky. Oh Sasha, that was the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. The same wonderful night sky you saw. It was brighter than normal, like fire and roses and gold melding with the sea. I have never seen a more beautiful place for the Goddess to drift into slumber.
I stood up and looked around. Further down the beach people were still going into the water, chatting, lazing about, like nothing was happening. Like this gorgeous sky and this distant storm did not exist.
Then I heard this voice. It was faint. Super faint. But so deep—“ I patted his chest, now knowing it was him. “Your voice; you said those words to me such that my soul was contented.”
“Calm your spirit and be at peace. Whatever you feel, just let it exist. Let it be,” he repeated quietly. “I live by these words. I acknowledge the feelings and emotions, the pain and joy, that exist in me, that often loom before me. The negative ones will not simply vanish because I ignore them. Sometimes it is easy to face them. And sometimes it is so, so hard, Leila. So hard it feels impossible. But I try, still.”
“And your way of facing your emotions is the truth. I did as you suggested that night; the intense sorrow I felt was for a reason, for many reasons. And I just let all that sorrow unfold so I could face it. Your words were like a warm hug in the midst of my despair. Thank you.”
“You are always welcome,” he said, stroking my face. “Go on.”
“After that, I stayed out there all night. The storm never showed itself, but only grew louder. It’s like it rolled only for me. And it did, didn’t it?
I slept out there under the stars that night. Didn’t care about school. Didn’t care about anyone or anything. Your voice of peace washed away all my worries. So after that I just sang as the thunder peeled, and I did so all evening and into the night. I started singing to you specifically after that. Joyously. I broke out my best numbers,” I said. I covered my face, cracking up.
He laughed quietly. “Indeed; as I said, what I could discern was beautiful.”
I uncovered my face and smiled. “Thank you,” I said. I sighed, reaching my tale’s conclusion. “The next day I felt like I had come out of a deep meditation. Like the sorrow of yesterday did not exist. I had hoped to the Sun that your voice was the Answer to what troubled me. Then your voice stopped for a time. Until today.”