The world conspired in the best of ways to bless me with a whole bunch of new games at once and I happened to be able to get in a lot of plays quickly with them.
Always get an idea of who's talking before you take anything away from these reviews/impressions. Maybe we're really different people. I've been in the hobby for 10+ years. I've played a lot of games. I love interactive and mechanically unique games. I worship Reiner Knizia. Some of my favorite games are Tigris and Euphrates, Spirit Island, Race for the Galaxy, Agricola, Battle Line, and Oath. My favorite games of last year were Stationfall, Ra (reprint), and Zoo Vadis.
Okay, let's go!
Cascadito/Cascadero - Is this a Pokemon Red/Blue scenario? No! There's room for both halves of this pair of Knizias in a collection. I think Cascadero is the better game, but Cascadito slides onto our table more easily. I'm a bit of a believer in the Moneyball theory of games (does the game "get on base" (to the table)?) so, that matters!
Cascadero - 4 plays at 2 players - First, the production is perfect. Svelte box that's easy to pack, wooden pieces, great graphic design with built in rules reminders by Ian O'Toole, and a striking cover make this a joy to play. If you enjoy the general waves hands of Irish Gauge, you're going to love how this looks.
Cascadero requires a little patience, but I think I'm starting to see a heart of gold down in there. As a Knizia tile-layer, right away, this game is, unfortunately, going to get compared to some of the greatest games ever made. Games like Through the Desert, Samurai, Babylonia, etc. I say unfortunately, because I don't think you'll love this game on the first play. That's because I think the default/starter side of the board is less interesting. If you're familiar with games, do yourself a favor and flip to the farmer side as soon as possible. Even then, Cascadero is subtle. When played best, it's a quiet maneuvering of cubes up to just the right spots on tracks with pieces on the board in all the right places that build a little lattice of opportunity. Not just one combo ready to score, but a set of circumstances that hedge on an opponent's move. Paths are everywhere, and you're using them in just the right ways to get across a double score gap or to slip into a fold in the track that gives an extra bonus. I feel like the review circuit doesn't usually play games enough times to appreciate this one, and maybe it's subtle to a fault. It isn't great when you hear "it gets good on game 4", but I'm four games in and usually that's the point where I'm bored of most games. With this one I'm excited to play more.
Cascadero is great!
Cascadito - 5 plays at 2 players - Do you like My City? Do you like My City: Roll and Build? I do. I probably wouldn't list them in my favorite games, but they are such great weeknight-with-the-partner games that I appreciate them all the same. Cascadito isn't billed as a campaign game, but rather as four maps. Maybe a 4 game campaign doesn't sound long enough, but I'm busy. 4 games sounds like something I can do. If you've played Cascadero, map 1 is the less interesting version of that game. Stick with it though! Like My City, you get the joy of seeing Knizia riff on an idea. We enjoyed each subsequent map more and more and we could see ourselves replaying #3 and especially #4. In fact, on map 4 we kept looking at each other's sheets during the game - on a roll and write! I like that.
Cascadito is good!
Spectral - 6 plays at 2 players - I'm pretty picky about deduction games, especially as board games. As someone who has put hundreds of hours into Picross and sudoku I need there to be a good reason why I'm using my precious time with my friends on something that is usually so solitary. So far, I've really only liked The Search for Planet X. While it isn't known as a particularly interactive game, my friends and I have played it so competitively that we look for any scrap of information that might give us the edge, and the publishing system cranks up the incentive to take some leaps of faith in a tight race.
When I heard about Spectral I was excited - an interactive, bidding based logic puzzle - cool! Six games later, I haven't really figured out how to interact with my opponent. While The Search for Planet X has clear moments of intention to watch for (publishing papers), it's really hard to tell when your opponent is acting with intention or just exploring in Spectral. You also don't have those little clues like what your opponent is scanning for or researching like in Planet X to build some kind of theory around. The game is a breeze to play, yet barely leaves room to grapple. So maybe the interaction isn't super strong, but how's the logic puzzle?
Boring. Imagine playing sudoku, but the logic restrictions were only for rows and not also columns, or within squares. You can do some deduction with the curse cards, but the treasure cards (12 of the 16) are all essentially equally informative and don't allow for much in the way of chains of deduction. You can do a little bit with probabilities of where treasures are likely to overlap, but it rarely feels worth it to pursue when finding curses provides a much more reliable benefit.
I want to be wrong about this game. Please, someone argue this one with me.
Spectral is okay. If you play it once or twice, I think you'll have a good time, but I don't see it having legs.
Slay the Spire - I've had this game for less than a month and I think I've put in maybe 50 hours at the table with it at this point. I've played with people who have 1000s of hours in Slay the Spire - they have loved it. I've played with people who have never played Slay the Spire - I see them playing Slay the Spire on Steam the next day and asking when they can next come over. People who usually duck out of a game night at 10pm are still at the table at 1am.
I was really worried it would be bad. I wondered, why not just play the digital game? But here I am, holding the box and knowing without a doubt, this object sparks joy. Have you ever experienced a solitary piece of media, obsessed over it, and then gotten a chance to experience it together with other fans? Maybe something like watching Game of Thrones with friends after reading the books. It feels great to share in something you've loved. That's how Slay the Spire has felt. But it's not just that, as evidenced by the friends that have never played the digital game and still loved it. It's just a damn good deck builder, and the whole system of knowing exactly what the enemies are going to do before they do it goes over so well here. It's so apparent that this translation was a labor of love and so much has gone into preserving the spirit of the game. I love it.
Slay the Spire is excellent!
Leviathan Wilds - played the first 3 Leviathans solo and at 2 - I backed this as a Shadow of the Colossus fan, and hoped for the best. I'm honestly blown away by how much this game has exceeded my expectations. First, there's something about this game that feels so complete and efficient. There's no Kickstarter bloat. It's in a very understated, retail sized box. The game just gets so much out of each component. It feels like the people who made it have made a lot of games before (and they have!).
I have trouble finding mid-weight 1-hour co-ops that I like. I love co-ops like The Crew at the short and sweet end and Spirit Island at the epic and heavy end, but the games that hit around the Pandemic range have never appealed to me. There often seems to be too much upkeep and setup, and not enough to keep me interested in sharing a puzzle with other people.
Leviathan Wilds is sooooo easy to set up. Setting up a Leviathan involves opening a spiral bound map book and laying out five cards. Processing the enemy turn involves flipping a card and later doing what it says. I don't play solo games, pretty much ever, but I'm playing this solo because it's so damn easy to run.
The moment to moment gameplay has been a blast. The systems are very open and freeform and the cards are multi-use, so there's often this feeling of scrapping together just the thing you need from odd parts - burning this card, eating this mushroom, falling here, etc. The movement system really leans into the mechanics of Shadow of the Colossus and allows for a creativity and freedom while reinforcing the theme. Every game we've played has been tight and we've failed a few times. I like that. My only complaint was that the enemies will sometimes do "swift" moves that resolve before your turn so you don't have much of a chance to react. I didn't realize until a game or two later that you can still use skills on cards to react instantly which might be an easy rule to miss. I've felt much better about "swift" since learning that. I'll definitely be backing the announced small expansion for the upcoming reprint. What a pleasant surprise.
Leviathan Wilds is excellent!
Harmonies - 6 plays at 2 players - This game has been called a Reef killer, an Azul killer, and a Cascadia killer. I own all those games! So, what's the body count at my table? Well, first off this game is lovely. The art is beautiful, the spatial puzzle is quite satisfying, and the playtime is breezy (especially at 2). It is most comparable to Reef in that you are arranging and stacking pieces in configurations for points, but there's a second layer of tile arrangement, similar to Cascadia's habitats, that's always present, no matter what cards come up. The Azul comparison is probably due to the drafting of tiles from a central market. So, what's the outcome?:

• Reef - Dead. Harmonies gives me a similar spatial puzzle in less time, in a smaller box, with better art, and it feels more thematic (I want to make homes for all my animals!).
• Cascadia - Dead. (although I was tired of it already). I find the game to game strategies in Harmonies to be more diverse and I don't feel like I have an algorithm to follow like in Cascadia (Is there a tile that increases two habitats? Can I fit a fox between my other groups of animals?).
• Azul - Alive. It's a stretch to compare the two games, but the drafting portion is far more interesting in Azul with the combining pools of tiles. Azul sits with Carcassonne in this perfect zone of being a gateway game that starts out gentle and puzzley and more you play it the more cutthroat it becomes. This isn't Harmonies, but...

Harmonies is excellent. I wouldn't be surprised if its the best gateway type game of the year. I do think it could slow down significantly with more players, but I tend to play something more interactive beyond 2.
Dro Polter - Too many plays to count and at all player counts - I think this is Oink's cutest production yet. The chunky wooden ghost, the tiny bells, the little set of treasures you'll hold in your hand. If you like frantic dexterity games, this is great. You can explain the rules in about 2 sentences and it's very non-gamer friendly. The cleverest bit is how you have to hold onto points in the form of tiny bells and if you drop them you lose them. It's an excellent system of handicapping the leader that often turns to laughs. It's mostly a novelty, but if you can introduce it to a few different groups of people, it feels worth it. Great with kids too.
Dro Polter is great!

Okay don't get me wrong I love Elsie. She's too young for me to think of as any more than a friend but she, like everyone else in town, is someone I want to protect and take care of. When she got back from her soul search thing, I was so proud of her and how much she grew as a character. Her story arc was incredibly satisfying.
But with that being said, there are still shit I'm kinda furious about that I need to get off my chest.

1. The investigation with her and Mi-an:

So suddenly she shows up in my house telling me not to worry about what Mi-an says in the letter and start going around town asking people sketchy questions about her sketchy bandit crush and show them the pictures too. Mi-an says we could get in trouble if we show the pictures. Kinda didn't know if I wanted to do it.
But okay whatever, I don't have a choice this is a main mission to progress the story. Let's do this.
I finish going around town asking everybody questions and finding out more lore that's nice. I meet up with Elsie and Mi-an at the Saloon and they ask me how I feel about it. I went for the nervous option and Elsie fucking bullies me about it. Gives me such a hard time because I wasn't chill about being the number 1 suspect for a break-in into the sexy man's house. Like okay I get that even if Justice found out, I'd probably be off the hook but I'm just saying I did all the work for you, Elsie. I know you're all riled up because you think he's innocent or something but you gotta stop being an ungrateful brat just because I wasn't cool about what I did for YOU.

1. I thought I could consider us best friends after that ordeal. When I talked to Elsie he keeps telling me I'm her best friend and it's so sweet. But after the investigation, once I stopped by the Blue Moon and saw Elsie and Mi-an hanging without me and I felt so left out. I was like... "Eff you guys, I'm hanging with the Corps boys 🥲 they'd invite me to things" and now the Civil Corps is my favorite social circle for my builder.
   
2. The Minster Whistle quest:
   

Okay I get that Elsie's kinda like the yin to Logan's yang. But like... does she really have to just stand there while we do all the work? Are you really going to risk the life of the guy who saved your life years ago because you don't think the monsters could be tamed instead? I also didn't see any taming in your part. you were just staring at us killing the vipers ffs. Like okay I guess?
I can build your whistles AND help out killing the vipers. I mean it's Logan. Duh I don't want him to die. But Elsie... COME ON. You decide you want to do this mission and here you are standing around while we're under attack for like 90% of the damn mission. I'm happy she started pulling her weight when the mega tunnel worm showed up but i still felt like Logan and I did most of the work. And I feel like if I said something that she didn't like she'd give me shit for it.

1. I was all for Logan getting a season in prison if that's what he wanted although the 200K+ fine was bit much. But knowing Elsie wanted it to be the lightest sentence possible made me feel like there was no other option. I mean it's fine I was gonna date him anyway but still.
   
2. Post-Daisy, she posts stuff on the bounty board and when I go to complete the order, she says she lives studying the critters and knows that I didn't rough'em up too hard... like GIRL, those vipers went poof when I was killed them... I'm so confused. You just wanted to study them but you put them on... a bounty board? THIS LADY.
   

Okay that is the end of my rant. I still love Elsie and want the best from her but theres just some things about her I needed to vent about. Thank for you for reading.

So a customer comes in today and he wants a donation of several gallon buckets of paint, brushes and rollers, a fuckload of builders hardware and moving dollys. My asm brought this to my attention over theatro and I told him that we've pretty much hit our donation stipend for the year with 4H, FFA and the fair. At best we could probably throw him a bucket of paint and the brushes, the rest of his shopping list carried a massive price tag. My asm told him as much and he got pissed and stormed off. I was at the service desk a few minutes later and here comes the humanitarian again, this time demanding to speak to the store manager. He said, and I quote, "I just wanted to personally give YOU the opportunity to do the right thing" his voice was absolutely fucking dripping with attitude so that pretty much sealed the deal from the first sentence. I, again, explained to him how our donations, between ffa, 4h and the upcoming county fair animal barn, which literally has a banner on it saying it is sponsored by TSC, so that's kind of a great advertiser for us so we want to throw them help, has pretty well drained our donation pool. Again, he gets pissed and tells me how almost every other business in the area has chipped in for this (he's apparently spearheading a housebuilding project) and asks me to shoot his request up higher because this is a very good cause to help out with or "I'm going to have to go back and tell them that Tractor Supply is refusing to help out"
First of all, go fuck yourself. What's with this fucking attitude? You made a request to my asm and you were very politely informed of our small and used up budget for donations. If the rest of these businesses are helping you out, sounds like you're pretty fucking set in a big way aren't you? What's with the fucking attempt at a guilt trip? And what's this "tell them tractor supply is refusing" is that supposed to be blackmail or something? Because minus the fucking lumber, it kind of seems like you want TSC to foot the bill on this entire project.
You ever get these events where after it's over you're super fucking heated and you're like "did that really just happen?"

(listed as non fiction but it's a combination of fiction, non fiction and venting. a prewarning that i am dyslexic and english isn't my first language sorry for any misspellings my friend didn't catch or grammar errors 🙏🙏)
It'd been drilled into her mind from a young age as if she were a new building project, something to be peiced together, to mold and to form exactly as the builder felt necessary. At age 5 the scriptures had burnt into her tongue and encased her barely-developed brain; The poison enveloped her mind and any thought she could claim as her own.
/'I shouldn't have called you. this whole thing was a bad idea.'/
Age 7 and she was told that even the idea is perverse. Age 9 and it was preached to be that serpent's work. Age 12-
Age 12 was when it all changed.
/'What do you mean?'/
The change meant that something was there, something was wrong; but those floods of words were engraved into her as if a burnt metal rod was piercing her mind. Abhorrent. Distasteful. Disgusting. The venomous tongue had slipped through her ears, licking her thoughts and injecting any semblance of an idea. It was the stories of temptation from the first people being manipulated by the serpent, the same one that she currently was.
/'I'm sorry..'/
Age 14, that 'something wrong' became so terribly wrong that she'd went for help. She requested the poor brandishing to be fixed and the hole to be patched with resin, even for the detailing to be redone if that's what had to change for her to be correct.
/'For what?'/
Instead, she'd been dragged by the ear to sit beneath the steeples and the gorgeous architecture that had been carefully manufactured, the same way she had been. Except as she sat on one of the perfectly preserved benches, beneath the tecnicoloured glass and the oil painted portraiture, she was told her builder- her manufacturer- had forgotten to sand one area, misplaced a screw and miscalculated the mass of material required for a complete and perfect piece.
/'Everything. Bringing you here, dragging you into all my shit.. Just everything.'/
And then her 15th birthday came. No candles, no cake and no balloons. At the very least she'd hoped for streamers. Instead? Well, instead she'd been sent away in shame, possibly to be rebuilt, though only if the new builder deemed her worthy of any form of attention. The manufacturer was familiar, maybe from a similar company to her own, but in the general area she had met other failed projects like herself. She met one. She couldn't fathom her to have a measly scratch, let alone enough of a mistake to deserve to be among the likes of herself.
/'You have nothing to be sorry about?'/
The questioning statement, laced in nothing but confusion rang through her ears. Age 16 and she's sat beneath the moonlight, staring at the enchanting emerald eyes before her. The freshly blooming daisies and the dewy grass beneath her meant nothing when there was a beautiful blond staring her down with concern. Age 16 and those venom-painted words remain, but have lost all meaning. Why should they matter when she's face to face with the subject of those words, showing her that maybe, just maybe, they were wrong? Age 16 and a masterpiece, which supposedly had missing nails and an unsealed corner was telling her it was ok. If art like her, that the Mona Lisa would envy, was missing a chunk of wood, or had the incorrect paint job, then surely, being wrong can be right to some.
/'I don't want to ruin this all for you.'/
The other girl, the stunning mystery before her, would be ruined by the messages that plagued her own mind, because she is disobeying the firey words that pool behind every sentence. She is disobeying the stern voice that had stabbed her thoughts. She is disobeying all that she had been taught as she slowly trails to the serpent.
/'You've done nothing wrong, everything will be ok. I promise nothing about you could ever be a mistake.'/
The glimmering stars above her shone as if she wasn't ruining her own life. The watercolour sky of navy and violet and hints of aquamarine watched her as if she wasn't infecting the only good in her life. The subtle breeze of midnight enveloped her as if she wasn't about to say the one thing that would make that serpent win.
/'I love you..'/
Age 16, and she's ruining her life and disappointing her only support system and enraging those with responsibility over her for the next two years. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because the perfected picture before her told her that she too was perfect, despite her cracks on the surface and her dust on the corner and her missing polish.
/'I love you too.'/
(just a little context to add to the end, this was inspired by my own struggles with both internalised homophobia and others' opposition to the idea of me not loving men at all. maybe also sprinkle in my own past fears of my sexuality due to growing up with religion. also this is open to criticism as i'm still a teenager and writing is kid of a side hobby. thanks for reading 💚💚)

THE BIZARRE WEST
ADVENTURE, ACTION, COMEDY, MYSTERY
# 1 Arc. introduction to the world.
Chapter 1: the Good & the Bad
Page 1.
Panel:
Narrator: Continent, shaped by a long history of corruptly led divided nation states, struggling over dwindling resources and limited living space.
Page 2.
Panel:
Narrator: Frontier alone, still stands proud as the unyielding dwelling place of humanity.
(Visual: Double spread of the frontiers tall wall and countless buildings surrounding it.)
Page 3.
Panel:
Narrator: Daring adventurers venture beyond the secure and far reaching walls off the Frontier. Exploring uncharted territories where no human has tread before.
SFX: Gallop, gallop, gallop!
(Visual: Four horsemen riding outside of the frontiers gates.)
Page 4.
Panel:
Narrator: An untamed land in this ever expanding world. Where danger lurks in the corner of the eye all the time.
Panel:
This vastly unexplored area with its bizarrely grown nature and inhabitants, is known as…
Sfx: YAAH! Giddy-up!
(Visual: Four horsemen riding towards something, Taking off in unnaturally fast speed. )
Page 5.
Narrator: The Wild World!
SFX: Chuku chuku chuku… TOOOT TOOOT!
(Visual: a Long Train moving forward on its tracks in a dangerous scary looking mountain-scape. The train is heading into a huge skull shaped mountain with a large tunnel going inside its “mouth”.)
Page 6.
Panel:
(Visual: We see the inside of the train. We see high class people in suits and dresses sitting in their seats, waitresses serving drinks and pastry inside the trolley.)
SFX: Hahaha. Kling Kling! Magnificent! Sensational indeed!
Panel:
(Then in the next panel we see trolleys full of rangers and showgirls partying inside the bar section of the train.)
SFX: Hohoho. We’re running out of beer here!
Panel:
(Visual: In the last panel of the page: Rangers standing in guard silently protecting a big vault.)
Page 7.
Panel:
(Visual: Finally, a woman standing outside at the back end of the train, contemplating look on her face.)
Woman: What a headache…
Panel:
( Visual: She moves inside of the train back on her seat. )
Woman: Sigh…
(Visual: Woman sat down on her seat, looking outside off the window. )
Woman: My eyes are bleeding again…
Page 8.
Panel:
(Visual: Silhouette of a monstrous figure of a Wendigo preying the train on top of the mountain)
SFX: Growl…
Panel:
(Visual: Close by shot off the Wendigo's face with an expression of thirst.)
Panel:
(Visual:Train accelerates)
Page 9.
Panel:
(Visual:1. Woman looking outside of the window into a dark abyss created by the tunnel.)
Panel:
(Visual: almost fully black panel. Woman’s face is shown through distorted reflection of the window)
Panel:
(Visual:2. Woman’s face with a tension rising in her face)
Panel:
(Visual: Fully black panel)
Panel:
(Visual:3. Woman’s expression changes with a look of concern.)
Panel:
(Visual: Woman is faced with horrorful sight. Wendigo, staring back at the woman with glaring eyes in the dark scenery created by the tunnel.)
Woman: …
Page 10.
Panel:
Woman: Rangers! Rangers!! I saw a Wendigo right next to our train!!
(Visual: Woman barges through the door.)
Panel:
( Visual: Rangers keep partying wildly / guards playing poker at the table.)
Ranger Barry: Shut up woman! And go grab me another beer! Hohohooh!
Guard: What the hell Barry… That’s not cool at all.
Panel:
Woman: I’m sorry if I interrupted your game gentlemen. Could you please go grab it yourself? And while you’re at it could you bring the sheriff here!? I need to speak to someone sober, it’s incredibly urgent!
(Visual: Woman visually confused and in stress)
Panel:
Ranger 2: Drinking sure does bring out the worst side of you. I raise.
Ranger Barry: Agh!

• fold… I might have a small problem, lads. Who cares?

(Visual: rocking on his chair, leaning on the chairs two back feet.)
Panel:
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: Not a problem. Cuz you got multiple…
(Visual: Sheriff trips Barry off his chair)
Barry: Agh! Sorry b-boss!! I mean sheriff!
Woman: …?
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: I’m sorry for that, what happened to ya miss?
Page 7.
Panel:
Woman: Good that you’re here sheriff! I only saw a silhouette so I'm not 100% sure… But I believe it was a Wendigo tailing us!
Panel:
Guards: visual: WHOLE TROLLEY Laughing!! HAHAHAHAAH!
Panel:
Guard: Where could you have possibly learned about Wendigos little girl? From those silly kids dime novels??
Guard 2: You don’t even know what a real Wendigo looks like!
Barry: YEAH! Wanna see what my Wendigo looks like!?
Page 8.
Panel:
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: That’s it Barry!
Visual: “Gets thrown out of the train”
SFX: CRASH!
Ranger Barry: AAAH!
Panel:
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: That’s what you get you sexist-gambling-alcoholic degenerate…
Woman: I’am surrounded by idiots.
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: in his thoughts: I got no praise from my heroism… Why won’t she notice me…
Woman: I don’t usually lecture for free, but I guess you goofballs could use a lesson or two!

• Wendigos have a hunting habit of ambushing unaware humans when they’re guards are down!

And after a brutal surprise attack with their sharp spear like horns and inhumane physicality makes fighting back useless…!
-They feast on raw human flesh!
…
Panel:
I am the author of this book and I'm here on research purposes on Wild world beings.
I would like to believe that I’m qualified in this matter, sir.
( Visual: Shows her book of wild world beings )
Page 9.
Panel:
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: God damn… Y'all just assumed because she's a wealthy, privileged high class woman that she doesn’t know about monsters living in our world!? Shame on all of you… Damn wendigos here, huh…
Panel:
Ranger: -But sheriff! This is not their usual place of hunting!
-That’s true, they are very territorial in nature!

• If I had to guess, they’re just intrigued by the noise the train makes.

Woman: They are not some less intelligent animals…
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: -Animals or not. They all behave the same when it’s the lead doing the talking. Rest easy madame if any trouble comes, we’ll be ready for it, guns blazing.
Woman: …A bullet or two won’t take them down.
Klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik klik…
Visual: Whole room loads up their guns.
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: We’ve got enough for a whole family.
Page 10.
Panel:
SFX: multiple guns firing BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! AGHH!!
Guard: WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!!!
Panel:
Everyone in the room: ?!
Panel:
Woman: They are here!
Panel:
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: Ain’t no wendigo I’ve ever seen wielded a revolver, miss!
-We’re in a train robbery!!
Panel:
Visual: Rangers firing out from the windows of the train.
Page 11.
Panel:
The four riders keep riding towards the train, firing back.
Panel:
(Visual: Rangers with rifles shooting from the roof off the train.)
Ranger: I can’t hit them?!
Wojak: Binoculars sergeant!
Ranger: Yes sheriff!
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: Hold on… T-T-They Are-!
(Visual: p.o.v through his binoculars)
Panel:
-The Four Horsemen of the apocalypse!!! P-Protect the vault like the fate of the whole world depended on it!!!
Panel:
Red rider: Let’s get this boy! We do this according to the plan, we won’t have to see each other’s ugly mugs ever again!
Page 12.
Panel:
Blue rider: Oh man! It has been so much fun riding with y’all! Don’t know what I'm going to do without you guys!
Panel:
White rider: And here I was just getting used to your ugly mugs, I guess nothing ugly lasts forever…
Panel:
Black rider: I hardly ever cared about you lot.
Panel:
Bluer rider: And look what a sad cruel man you turned out to be!
Black rider: Precisely…
White rider: Be honest now… You “digged” us at least a little bit.
Panel:
Red rider: AAAGH! What has happened to my merciless gang of outlaws?? Wild world’s supposed to turn you into monsters but it made y’all bunch of softies!
Panel:
Black rider: I “dig” exclusively on women.
Blue rider: #Metoo! …Kinda!
Red rider: …Whatever that means?
(Visual: While this conversation is going, Riders are “showboating” casually dodging bullets and firing back.)
Page 13.
Panel:
Red rider: With this loot, you’ll be able to get any “kinda” of woman you like in the world! I’m going to get two! Zehehehe…
Panel:
Blue rider: A-Anyone?! W-What about W-Wendingo’s p-princes?!
Red rider: Eww…
BANG!
(Visual: Shoots at red rider)
Blue rider: I should kill you for that! No disrespect is tolerated towards my princes!!
(Visual: Red rider narrowly dodges the bullet. Is now hanging horizontally from the side of his horse.)
Panel:
Red rider: GRH! We’ll settle this later you weirdo! Keep giving them hell!
Panel:
Gatling man on top of the roof of the train: Don’t let’m board the train!
SFX: BAM BAM BAM…!!!
Page 14.
Panel:
(Visual: Barrage of bullets flying, four horsemen evading the bullets.)
Panel:
Whiter rider: Imma make the opening! ( in a dramatic tone )
Page 15.
Panel:
Visual: Stands up on his horse. loosens his belt.
Panel:
Turns around. Pulls his trousers down. Showing his underpants with a bull’s eye print on his boxer.

• Can’t hit this, you cross eyed rangers! Try ’n hit me if you can with those bent up pistols you got from your mamas house!

Panel:
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: GRRR!!! Don’t let him provoke you comrades! Y'all have a perfectly mediocre aim!
Page 16.
Panel:
White rider: I hate when people growl at me.
Visual: White rider shoots the hat of the sheriff's head between his legs.
Panel:
Wojak Sheriff head of the train: Focus all your firepower on that bastard !! That was my favorite hat… :’(
Panel:
Visual: Rain of bullets flying towards the white raider
White rider: Yikes!
Page 17.
Panel:
Blue rider: HAHAHAH, Foolproof plan, gets under their skin every time!
(Visual: Other riders jumping one at a time into different parts of the train while the rangers are fully focused on the white rider.)
Panel:
Red Rider: Final stop ladies and gentlemen!
Guards: Protect the 5 star class! Do not let them lay even a single finger on the passengers!!
(Visual: Trolley full of fancily dressed up people. Chaos erupts inside the train)
Panel:
Black rider: The time has come for all of you Frontier dogs to be put down.
Rangers: Shoot him! The bullets won’t penetrate him?! Shoot him harder!
(Visual: Trolley full of rangers at the bar section of the train.)
Panel:
White rider: “Phew” - No warm red holes anywhere, love to see it.
Page 18.

• Don’t they actually teach y’all how to shoot straight anymore at the good old ranger academy?!

(Visual: White rider gets on board at the back end of the train)
Panel:
Rangers all together: There he is! Get him!
White rider: I’ll show ya how it was done back in the old guard!
Panel:
SFX: Bang! Punch! Swing! ( three small panels then explodes to one big one with a cool pose from the white rider firing his pistols.)
(visual: Starts blowing through the trolley against hallway full of rangers)
Ranger: Send a message to Frontier! The four horsemen of the apocalypse have boarded the train!
Page 19.
Panel:
(Visual: After clearing out all the rangers inside the trolley… White rider is suddenly stopped by the woman standing behind him holding a gun to his head . )
Woman: Put your guns down and turn around slowly.
-Please…
White rider: This is an unusual position for me… I feel kind of awkward about this.
Woman: Huh!? What’s so embarrassing about this?
White rider: I don’t know!? Perhaps because of the way you emphasised on the please while holding a gun on the back of my head! It gave me a weird sensation that I could, I guess compare to-
SFX: KLIK!
Woman: Now, thank you very much.
White rider: Okay okay you got me. Calm down.
Panel:
Visual: White rider turns around. Intimate stare between the two in a chaotic scene.
White rider: !?
Woman: !?
Panel: Close up.
White rider: You’re e-eyes… They are… Cursed…
Panel: Close up.
Woman: …You’re soul… It’s …H-Hallow…
!!
Page 20.
Panel:
(Visual: White rider gets injured by Wojak the head sheriff of the train while losing his focus)
Panel:
Wojak Head sheriff: Hah! Got ya fair and square now!
Panel:
(Visual: White rider snaps back immediately.)
Whiter rider: That was a sucker-punch you wuss!
Wojak Head sheriff: Gaaah the irony!
(Visual: Wojak is sent flying out of the train through the same window Barry got dished out from.)
Page 21.
Panel:
(Visual: Action scene of other riders gunning and slicing down train full of rangers)
Panel:
Black rider: I despise crowded trains… Let me make some breathing space.
Panel:
(visual: Gets his cursed blade unsheathed.)
Panel:
SFX: SWIIIIIIIING-!
Panel:
White rider: !!!
-Get down!
Woman: ?!
Page 22.
Panel:( Visual: They narrowly dodge the massive flying slash coming through their way cutting everything down in its path. )
Panel:
(Visual: double page for the visual of the vertically half cut train)
Panel: (visual :Rangers shocked reactions.)
!!!
Panel:
(Visual: The whole massive train gets sliced in half cleanly,
The upper 50% of the train is now in the air as the roof fly’s off. )
Page 23.
^
Page 24.
Panel:
Blue rider: …Shiiit… You might have gone a bit “overboard” here partner. I guess that’s all of em…
(Visual: Laying on the ground holding his half sliced hat. Throws it away in the next scene)
Panel:
Red rider: Have some empathy for us you cold hearted bastard! You almost sliced me down there! A little brotherly heads up wouldn’t hurt!!
Panel:
Black rider: Look now who's become soft…
Panel:
White rider: Are you alright woman?
Woman: Y-Yes, thank you…
White rider: I just accidentally tripped on you, don’t get it twisted!
Panel:

• Stay lowkey here, we won’t stop the train. Get off the next stop and people there will take care of you… This wasn’t part of our plan.

Woman: Oi, wait a minute! Don’t you run away from me, train robber! Wait! …Darn it…
Page 25.
Panel:
(Visual: Riders gather around at the front end of the train at a vault full of riches)
White rider: OI! What have I told you about taking innocent lives you lunatic!
Black rider: No innocent lives were taken… I just cut down a few bad apples from spoiling the whole branch.
White rider: Then how come you’re still hanging? You’re the most rotten one out of the bunch!
Red rider: Easy now!
Black rider: …You want to skip our arrangement and have our duel in the middle of this heist?
White rider: I’m down.
Red rider: I should just shoot both of you numbskulls… Maybe that could help us to our gang's first ever successful heist.
Blue rider: Boys! I unlocked it!
Page 26.
Panel:
(Visual:They open the safe and are amazed by the sight of this mythical looking shiny gem)
Red rider: Huh? This ain’t gold?
Blue rider: it ain’t sapphire either.
White rider: Never seen a diamond like this…
Black rider: It ain’t a diamond, nor is it a sapphire. W-Where …did they find this hidden gem?
Visual: Black rider touches the gem.
Page 27.
Panel:
(Visual: That’s when a massive Wendigo attacks. Wendigos' hand smashes through under the train's floor. Black rider gets grabbed and swallowed in one swift movement. Wendigo has a mole-like appearance.)
Page 28.
Panel:
Blue rider: Shit!
White rider: Whoa! Where did that thing came fro-
Red Rider: Oi... !!!
That’s my brother you just snacked…
-Spit him out right now!!!
(Visual: Red Rider jumps on top of the wendigos face jamming his sword in its eye causing both of them to drop from the train.)
White rider: He’s crazy!
Blue rider: Should we jump after them?! What about the treasure?
SFX: KRIIII!
(Visual: More smaller sized wendigos appear above them in the air jumping inside the train)
White rider: We’ve got bigger issues above us! Just worry about getting yourself alive out of this train!
(Visual: -Battle escalates.
-Train malfunctions during the struggle, setting it off its tracks.)
Page 29.
Panel:
(Visual: White and the Blue rider manage to clear out the wendigos surrounding them.)
Panel:
White rider: There's definitely more of them!
Panel:
Blue rider: Yup! the treasure ain’t worth it if you can’t enjoy it with the living. Let’s get out of here and find the others!
Blue rider: Whistles for his horse. SFX: PRIIIII!
Panel:
White rider: Yeah, you’re right… This heist was bad business from the beginning with. As they always have been. Damn it all!
Panel:
X: AHHH!!
White rider: ?!
(White rider hears a woman’s scream)
Panel:
Blue rider: Where are you going!?
White rider: Go! I’ll catch you later!
(Visual: White rider jumps on the other trolley)
Page 30.
Panel:
(Visual: Woman Looking at the massive wendigo straight in its eyes.)
Wendigo: You're a blessed human…
Woman: Ghhh… Let go of me!
Panel:
Wendigo: KIHIHIHIH! You’re mine now! All Mine… Mine! Mine!-
Panel:
(Visual: White rider steps in and confronts a large wendigo holding the woman in its hands. Ominous beams of energy flowing out of the lone rider's pistol, scaring the monster.)
Wendigo: …Mine?
Page 31.
Panel:
White rider: I won’t tell you twice. Let her go…

• Now!

Panel:
Woman: You came?!
Panel:
Wendigo: GROWL…! Mine!!!
(Visual: Stand off between the two. Tension breaks between the rider and wendigo / Both launch at each other.)
Page 32.
Panel:
Panel:
Visual: ( White rider gets stabbed on the right side of his face. Right eye not visible through the blood shed. Fatal wound. Rider doesn’t connect with his own attack)
Panel:
White rider: Hmh!
Visual: ( Rider’s expressionless look on his face)
Wendigo: KIH!
( Wendigo grinning )
Visual:( Both ready to clash again. Wendigo is bound to pierce the rider again. Rider has his gun aimed at wendingos temple )
Panel: Fully dark panel
X: Stand off! - SISU!
Wendigo: ??!?!
Page 33.
Panel:
(Visual: Train gets critically damaged. Time seemingly stops. Energy blasts from the battle turns the part of the train where they were into small bits flowing in the air.)
Panel:
(Visual: Train falls off from the cliff)
Page 34.
Panel:
(Visual: White rider wakes up uninjured. His clothes have changed, he has a beard and longer hair on him. Only wound he has is a snowflake shaped scar on his right eye.)
Panel:
(Visual: Sees a large mountain, reaching the clouds in the sky with its height, covered in the same material as the hidden gem right before his eyes.)
Panel:
Narrator: Vast riches… Gold, diamonds, sapphires. These are good enough reasons for the majority to take on the challenges of the Wild world. Finding even a considerably small piece of gold could be enough to land yourself a place inside the safety walls of the Frontier. -But the most precious gift hidden in the mysterious land was yet to be revealed…
Page 35.
Panel:
Armies have been sent to conquer the wild world and many powerful individuals have tried to tame the land and its inhabitants. Most men met their fate facing the dangerous beings living there. Those powerful enough to survive and strive in the turbulent environment, were instead enchanted by the land… and never left.
Panel:
Narrator: White rider shattered the diamond-hard outer layer of the mountain. As he continued to dig deeper, what he found inside the core of the mountain… Sifted the direction of fate.
Page 36.
Panel:
Narrator: The core of the mountain is believed to have housed the wild spirits of another realm. Now roaming freely all around the world, blessing and cursing humans with bizarre abilities.
Panel:
Decades later, people from the Frontier still talk about this discovery. New generation has grown up since the mystical find. More and more people venture outside of the frontier to claim their share of the divine gift.
-The world is full of cowboys, outlaws and beings from your wildest imagination. Each faction moving towards the unknown and the rewards it possesses.
Chapter 2: The Bizarre
Page 37.
Panel:
Pa : Didn’t know they had written a dime novel about the four horsemen… I heard every kid in the continent reads these.
Mom: Great! Now we’ll have a generation of kids running around in the “Grand terror canyon” blasting pistols and playing cowboys with wendigos…
Pa: That would be a radical generation of kids indeed.
Panel:
Naivi, 4 years old: Wow wow wow… THAT WAS A REAL STORY!!!
(Visual: Whole house jumps up in the air on a snowy hill.)
Panel:
Pa : Heheh, glad that you liked it son! Good luck, I picked this up. Shame some of the pages were torn when I found it…
Panel:
Naivi: But was it actually true what happened, Pa?
Pa : Y-yeah. Probably. Quite close so…
Panel:
Naivi. How did it end? Did the Woman and the other riders survive the train crash? Was the Magical gem mountain real for real?
Page 38.
Panel:
Pa: Well, people tend to have mixed feelings and beliefs about the event and what followed after was even more compli-…
Naivi: Just watch Pa!
Pa: ?
Panel:
Naivi: In a blink of an eye! You and me! We’ll be on our own legendary quest together! Giddy up! Hahahaha!
(Visual: Naivi playing with his fathers revolver and putting Pas hat on. Naivi climbed up on his father’s shoulders, playing as if Pa was a horse)
Panel:
Mother: Give me that! That is not a toy!
Panel:
Naivi: Ma… When can I go ride with Pa to the Wild world?
Momma: I'm afraid your father will be an old timer by then… Being a cowboy is a young man's game after all.
Pa: And I’m definitely past my prime. Heheh.
Page 39.
Panel:
Naivi: AGGGHH! I gotta grow up faster then! Grow! Grow! Grow!
(Visual: Naivi swinging his hands and legs furiously, taking him slightly off the ground levitating.)
Panel:
Pa: Breathe boy… I know it's hard for you to stay still, especially when a great adventure is waiting for you. But I’m sure you will find a much more entertaining company in the future!
- rather than riding with your own old man.
Naivi: But I just wanna ride with you PA!
Panel:
Visual: Pa smiling in Flake family's signature crooked smile with warmness in his eyes.
Page 40.
Panel:
Narrator: Naivis favorite hobby was playing with the snow. Creating snowmen, snow forts, and engaging in snowball fights with his family.
Pa: “Sigh” “This building process is going to take us forever… Every time we make progress, the aboriginals destroy it by the time we get back.”
SFX: Blash !
(Visual: Naivi throwing snowballs at Pa. Ma is also there, building a cute snow structure.)
Panel:
Pa: “It's like one step forward and two backwards…”
SFX: Blash !
(Visual: After getting more and more snowballs slammed into his face, Pa gets slightly annoyed…)
Pa: Oi… Stop tha-!
SFX: Blash!
Panel:
(Visual: Naivi and mama giggling after throwing the snowballs)
Pa: …
(Visual: Pa’s face full of snow only annoyed eyes visible.)
(Visual: Pa throws back a barrage of snowballs to Naivis and Ma’s face in a funny manner.)
SFX: BLASH BLASH BLASH!!!
Naivi & MA: AGGH!

• Whyyy father -Why husband (Visual: Both in overly dramatic tone)

Pa: Never shoot an armless man!! Expect no mercy in the wild once you do that! Even if you were a child or a woman!
Page 41.
Panel:
Narrator: Naivis father was a railroad builder.
-To be specific, a cowboy, who protected the builders from the dangers of the Wild world.
(Visual: Whole Flake family having fun, riding together on one horse driven carriage in a beautiful snowy town’s landscape.)
Singing all together: Yippee yay ieee!! Yippy yay yooo!!! Ghost riders in… the snow!
-Yippei yay ieee!! Yippay yay yooo… Ghost riders in… the clouds!
-Yippei yay ieee!! Yippay yay yooo…
(Visual: people of the town look suspiciously scared of them. Peeking outside off their windows and visually scared in the streets.)
Panel:
(Visual: Flake family sliding all together a sledge going down a hill with look’s of thrill and happiness in their face)
Page 42.
Panel:
Narrator: Naivi took pride in his fathers work. His father often traveled to build a path between the two worlds.
(Visual: Pa leaving for a mission to the Wild World. Momma and Naivi waving goodbyes at the border.)
Panel:
Narrator: He always returned home to share stories from his adventures.
(Visual: Pa is back sitting in his chair. Has bandages on his head and looks injured. Pa telling the family a wild story with a look of enthusiasm in his face.)
Panel:
(Visual: Naivi falls asleep during the story telling with a smile on his face.)
Panel:
(Visual: Ma putting a blanket on top of the sleeping child.)
Panel:
Pa: “This is good news for us actually… So many good men were lost in the previous voyages… but no more.”
“With the new reinforcements, we’ll rebuild the whole railroad in no time”
((( during this time period frontier recruited outlaws to keep aboriginals from destroying the train tracks being built— these outlaws later build their own gangs and towns in the wild world.)))
Mamma: …
(Visual: Mamma looking at Pa with concern.)
Pa: “Sigh.” Don’t look at me like that.
Page 43.
Mamma: How could I not? Despite my condition, I can still see clearly… You’re hiding something and that makes me worried.
Pa: Worrying will do you no good darling. The truth is… It’s time for the final rodeo… Our objective is to clear out and build the first Frontier colony in the Wild world. This journey will be the last one. I promise…”
Mamma: …
(Visual: Naivi listening with concern half a sleep. Not smiling anymore.)
Page 44.
Panel:
(Visual: Edge of the town. Snow storm blowing through the sky.)
Mamma: ...Since the day we first met… I haven’t taken my eyes off you. My awkward train robber.
Pa: I often wonder on the road… How those cursed eyes of yours can still be so full of love. Good bye. Love of my life.
Panel:
(Visual: Naivi looking at his father, holding the tears in from breaking.)
Pa: Naivi…
Panel:
-Now that’s a look that only a brave young ranger could pull! But we cowboys are different breed, free individuals, who aren’t scared to feel or show our emotions. Let it all out son!
Panel:
Naivi: …
(Visual-Breaks in tears.)

• WAAHHH!! I Don’t want you to leave pa!!!

Panel:
Pa: Son…
Page 45.
Panel:
Pa: Let pure imagination guide you on your adventure. Gallop through life like a free wild horse in the blooming nature. Never give them even the slightest of chances to tame your vision. Whatever happens - I will support and love you both… Till hell freezes over!
Panel:
(Visual: Cowboys riding out into a snowstorm. Pa waving goodbye till you can’t see him anymore through the snow-blizzard)
Naivi: Come back as fast as you can ride Pa! I will be here waiting for you-
-Every!
-Single!
-Day!
Panel:
Naivi: I can’t leave alone to the adventure without you on my side!

• Pa!

(Visual: Naivi crying huge tears and screaming his lungs out.)
Page 46.
Panel:
Narrator: 3 years later. One day, as Naivi waited for his father at the border…
Naivi 7 years old: They’re back!
Panel:
Wojak the ranger deputy: “ Sorry kid… “
Panel:
(Visual: Ranger hands him Pas scarf and hat.)
Panel: (Visual: Wojak looks almost unrecognizable from the first chapter)
Wojak:
“ We lost him there.”
(Visual: Naivi’s expression of shock and disbelief.)
Page 47.
Panel:
Narrator: Six years later.
(Visual: Broken wheel of a caravan.)
I don't know, script seems bit odd if you don't know what happens later and rhythm of the story seems all over the place for me. I'm not a native in English either so some of the sentences seem clunky and unnatural. And some other bs. Please tell me what should I improve on and if there is something you like about this. This is my first time trying to write something so please be nice and awful to me. I'll post the rest soon...
If you want to see some of the characters they're at my ig: jasukaj5

This model doesn't answer questions🫢! Its goal is to assist the open-source community to easily create new datasets🤗 The best use case is via API, the recommended length of the data is a few short sentences.

https://huggingface.co/SicariusSicariiStuff/Question_Builder

The recommended prompt setting is Debug-deterministic with repetition_penalty 1.2:

temperature: 1
top_p: 1
top_k: 1
typical_p: 1
min_p: 1
repetition_penalty: 1.2

Welcome to another Indie Sunday! This event starts at 12 AM EST and will run for 24 hours.
Please read the below guidelines carefully before participating. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to send us a modmail.
A reminder that Rule 8 is not enforced during this event for submissions which follow the participation guidelines.

Submission Restrictions

• Games may be unreleased or finished
  
• You must provide video footage of the game in action. This can be a prototype, alpha, beta, etc. Images and concept art are nice but you must include a trailer or video of gameplay footage of the game.
  
• No key/game giveaways
  
• Only developers may make submissions for their games - if you would like to highlight a game on your own, please do so in this hub thread
  
• The same game/developer can not be shared more than once every 30 days.
  

Submission Format

• Submission must be a self-post (No direct links)
• Title: Game Name - Company (or individual) Name - Short description (for example: "classic turn based RPG" or "platformer inspired by Metroidvanias")
• Flair: Indie Sunday
• Body: Any links to trailers/footage, a description of the game, plans for release (platform, target date, etc), any additional information you'd like to add.

Weekly Spotlight

• Fair and square - Octopus Engine - A small roguelike real time strategy game with coop
• Idle Fishing - AO Games - Relaxing Game About Fishing
• Forty-Niner - VowelA Games - Wild West survival RPG with roleplay and sandbox elements
• NEODUEL: Backpack Monsters - Rogue Duck - PVP Inventory Auto-battler
• Wax Heads - Patattie Games - Cozy-punk, slice-of-life record store sim
• Glasshouse - Flat28 - A Lockdown-cRPG set on the brink of a World War
• Countryballs: The Heist - PWA & pterix - A countryball themed comedic stealth adventure
• Princess Hunter – Caveman Programmerz – A game about a cowboy knight who has to find friends, challenge the greatest evil... or become one himself
• Seer's Gambit - Unleash the Giraffe - A bite-sized, strategic, auto-battler where the world is your skill tree.
• Project Hover – Ulysses Graphics – AG arcade racing game with “take hover” mode
• Esports History - Quantum Gear Studios - An RPG Adventure about Lives of eSports Players. A mix of time management, character development, and deep mini-games.
• AETHUS - Pawsmonaut Games - Physics-driven sci-fi Survival set beneath an alien planet.
• WHERE BIRDS GO TO SLEEP – Quiet Little Feet – Story Rich Adventure RPG with Survival Elements inspired by Disco Elysium and Pathologic 2
• Coffee Caravan - Broccoli Games - Cozy roguelite where you build and manage your own coffee shop (Releasing tomorrow)
• DreadRun - HavocMinds - Fast Paced Bullet Hell Shooter about Optimising Player Builds For The Best Run Possible
• The Sacred Acorn - A Few Dragons - A charming yet challenging action adventure inspired by souls-likes and metroidvanias
• They Are Here - Deklazon - Alien Abduction Horror
• The Court of Wanderers - The Forge Fantastic - 3D sokoban-like puzzle game - out tomorrow!
• Escape The Abattoir Man- Diogo Marques- a retro top down survival horror game where you must escape as 10 foot tall maniac
• Margoq's Lair - Zillo Games – Roguelite twin-stick dungeon crawler with a dynamic spell combo system releases tomorrow
• Underquest - Otherside Bay Studio - Cute fantasy roguelite with items merge mechanic
• Choo Choo Survivor - GTGD - Drive your train through the zombie apocalypse
• WRECK - Austin Zaman - Hotline Miami-inspired FPS [Demo Out Now]
• Tower Pets - Final Screw - Auto-Battler with Cute Pixel Art Minions and Async PVP
• Terrorformer TD - onewinter games - Terraform a procedurally generated map in this Tower Defense roguelite
• Genopanic - Mobirate - a colorful sci-fi platformer with metroidvania elements
• Fakutori - Antoine Latour - A new laid-back factory automation game where you try to craft the elusive legendary blocks! No limits, no pressure, just do it your way!
• Combo Card Clashers - swbat55 - New Release FRESH take on the Rogue-Lite Deckbuilder genre!
• Mighty Marbles - Destined - A cute physics based marble game where you are the level, inspired by those physics toys you might have played as a child.
• Preserve - Bitmap Galaxy - Relaxing nature building game inspired by Dorfromantik & Islanders with unique mechanics
• Enchanted Blacksmith - Tanuki Sun - A stylized first-person sandbox game where players craft, explore, and thrive as a local blacksmith
• Falterstone (prototype) - theaaronstory - A dwarf sentenced to the mines to earn their freedom back, with monsters, beasts and a touch of magic.
• Exit: A Biodelic Adventure - Neurosaur Games - classic point'n'click where Cronenberg's eXistenZ meets the Goblins game series
• Seekers of Eclipse - Emilijus Games - City Builder combined with a Roguelike Deckbuilder
• Ascendant - Imagisphere - Dark Fantasy Roguelike
• Hmph! Hmph! Yowai - Rexz Kev - A Singleplayer Guild Battle RPG where you are playing as a guildmaster
• Infinity Girl - Chroma Games - A high-speed rhythm roguelike for fans of Hi-Fi Rush, Thumper and Descenders (New demo just launched)

Previous Indie Sunday

Feedback

Feel free to ask any questions in the comments below, or send us a modmail if it is urgent.

Discussion

• Any of these games catch your eye?
  
• Any games you want to personally highlight that haven't been shared yet?
  
• Any projects that have had interesting development journeys?
  
• What indie game recommendations do you have?
  

TL;DR I went from a prison in the middle of Colorado to a half way house more south serving a 4 year sentence. At the half way house I eventually figured out that I could rent PS4 controllers from the main office and use them to controller an emulator on my phone and it was a great way to pass time.
Eventually I realized that I could do Bluetooth to my phone and I realize that I hadn't yet beat DQ4 (But had done 1 through 3) and I fired up the DS version on my phone and used the PS4 controller. I was super impressed by the game. Although I don't know if I loved having THAT many characters - I was never sure who to focus on lol. But nah it was one of the best times I had at Com Cor besides the Castlevania game haha. I give a huge shout out to Colorado's Corrections for allowing us to play with phones and controllers and having private space while serving our sentence.
My friend did the same thing and played PSP Monster Hunter haha. At one point we did get a phone projector and we watched Wrestlemania when Kofi won. We played games with it but the latency was horrible.
All in all, I'll always remember DQ4 as a game I played while essentially locked up lol. I had started with DQ8 in 2005 I played DQ9 while homeless for 100 hours, and my DS was stolen right as I had approached the final boss. I've also played all the monster games except the switch. And the Builder games, watched the old anime and love Akira Toriyama.
Also been out of the legal system now for 7 years :) Been sober off my old addiction for 6 years.
\
Peace be with you all.

Recommended watch: Boom vs GG series.
Note: I didn't include a meta section since there were only 10 games. The data for Aurora vs G2.iG game #2 is missing since they had to replay it.

Lower Bracket Round 1

G2.iG vs Aurora

https://preview.redd.it/ffius6s6541d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=096ca086e6d60a28505573d056d8f97313cc4f02
It was a quiet laning stage and it was pretty passive after that. You'd think this would favor the Naga lineup but no. It was G2.iG who made the better moves. It was G2.iG who had the better teamfights. It was G2.iG that scaled better. The Egg got battered every time by Marci. The 3 melee cores on Aurora had a hard time in fights against the control of the Brewlings and Mag's RP. The Naga Siren's Songs were defensive but they couldn't even secure her safety. Morph was allowed to do what he wanted and so G2.iG cruised to victory. G2.iG 1-0 Aurora.
*No portrait*
Aurora bounced back. G2.iG had one too many squishy heroes. The Monkey King was feasting on them and the support-turned-core Hoodwink was a nasty addition to the demolition job. Doom was the only beefy hero on G2.iG's side so he became the prime target of Viper. The game went very late but it did feel like Aurora had to throw heavily to lose the game. Facing Mega Creeps, G2.iG needed more firepower and added Divine Rapier to their arsenal but it did not turn the tide. The upgraded Wukong's Command was too much of a nuisance and with the Batrider serving his enemies on a plate, this game was never in doubt for Aurora. Aurora 1-1 G2.iG.
https://preview.redd.it/orh6tkam541d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=149afc707836843615cd8902ee3278be9f7760b5
Aurora let the Chen through and for their first pick, they chose the Bristleback. G2.iG responded with an innate counter in Hoodwink + a fast vessel builder in KotL (got it in 9m). The Lifestealer eventually built a Silver Edge to have another break mechanic on their side. As a result, the Bristleback had a miserable time and finished with the most deaths in the game. G2.iG did a brilliant job punishing their opponents and this means top 6 for them. G2.iG 2-1 Aurora.

Boom Esports vs Gaimin Gladiators

https://preview.redd.it/bqfou1ps541d1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&s=038984de85455e2a06b3d03604f3dc8834cfc1bb
Boom were wise in countering the Puck early on. Quinn didn't have the best of time on the Faerie Dragon. Panda's Skywrath was on point with his silences and so were TA's upgraded traps. The Puck wasn't as effective as a result. The Puck had to go 2nd item BKB to stop being caught out. Gaimin did make it an interesting game. It wasn't only after 40 minutes that Boom started to pull away. In the 40th minute, a teamfight loss just in front of Radiant's tier 3 bot tower resulted in 1 set of racks for Boom. In the 42nd minute, a clash in Radiant's jungle resulted in 5 deaths on GG's side (dieback on KotL + buybacks on Puck & Naix). Boom would be able to take Rosh and completely own the map. It looked bleak for the Gladiators. In the 49th minute, Boom finally decided to siege again. They were able to eliminate the Puck and KotL (no buybacks) before the actual siege and they were able to get the mid set of racks. At 3v5 for the defense of the final lane, it looked bleak for the Gladiators but Ace's Slardar, like he's been doing all game, found a way to get to the backlines and obliterate the Skywrath and Zeus. 4 heroes would fall on the side of Boom. Gaimin went on the aggressive themselves and forced 3 core buybacks on Boom. It was an even game at 51 minutes in. Pakazs finally had enough and got a Rapier for himself. The fight for the 4th Rosh resulted in a dieback for Naix. This meant Mega Creeps and from that point on, it was a struggle for Gaimin to do anything on the map. A pickoff on Puck without buyback as he was wandering outside of his base pushing the lane meant the game was over. Boom 1-0 GG.
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Gaimin had a respectable lead for most of this one but Boom stayed within striking distance. It all went to shit for the Gladiators in the ~31st minute when they had a horrible fight for the second Rosh of the game. N1ght's Tusk was able to eliminate the Clinkz right away and then the TA. This meant Rosh for Troll and all the momentum for Boom. The Aegis secured the map for Dire and was used in a fight where Boom took down 2 heroes (Axe + Hoodwink) with no buyback. This meant it was a 3v5 for Boom's siege. Both the TA and Clinkz were punished for trying to defend and that was the game. Boom with an incredible upset as they eliminate the Gladiators. Boom 2-0 GG.

Upper Bracket Semifinals

Xtreme Gaming vs Team Spirit

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Spirit were playing catch-up basically for the entire game. Dy's Bane was incredible in securing the win for his team. Bane's lane was a huge success with Collapse's Mars being slowed down. Spirit weren't able to properly hit their timings and XG took proper advantage by forcing the issue and beating them down considerably in fights. Spirit had a window where they pulled off an impressive fight, claiming 3 lives + a dieback, and then secured Rosh for themselves but the fight with Aegis resulted in Spirit getting wiped. All 5 heroes had no buyback. This was XG demonstrating that they were too far ahead. The Chinese side took 2 lanes with ease. Spirit did not yield for the final set of racks. They had a respectable defense for the third lane but XG had too much control of the map and they just kept going. XG eventually saw this one out. XG 1-0 Spirit.
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Spirit went off to a better start. They were able to kill Storm successively early on and it looked worrying for XM but he knew what to do. He kept participating in fights. He gained gold through pick-offs and he was able to recover. Naix was also off to a bad start but he was given the space and like his mid laner, was able to recover. Spirit made more attempts at Strom's life but the lack of control on their side meant the Storm could escape. XG didn't have the same issues as they had an incredible amount of control on their side. The infested Slardar with Ink Swell was a death sentence. The Storm was equally a great ride for Naix. The tethered Io + Gyro were the primary targets and XG didn't have problems executing them. Spirit didn't really have a response and XG continued to pick them apart. XG were the far better side across the 2 games and have now booked themselves an Upper Bracket Finals appearance. XG 2-0 Spirit.

Team Falcons vs Team Liquid

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Liquid's last pick Sniper was responded to by an Earth Spirit for Nine and it didn't go as planned in the mid lane for Falcons. Earth Spirit suffered heavily and he fell way down in the networth chart. You could see the reasoning for the pick. Any time Earth Spirit was able to get on top of Sniper, he was able to kick Nisha toward his team and Sniper would die. But that only worked a fair few times. A lot had to go in favor of Falcons to win in a fight. Liquid always felt like they had the upper hand in the skirmishes as Micke delivered with his Chronos. Falcons didn't have any real saving mechanisms so the fights were often Liquid favored. Falcons did make it "interesting" but once the Void had his Refresher Orb it was game over. Liquid 1-0 Falcons.
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This time around, Sniper was in the Falcons' camp but it was Sniper's teammates who made the magic happen. Cr1t's Tusk was incredible at setting the pace. The Tusk did not stop from going lane-to-lane to look for kills (and he found them). Ammars happily obliged with the aggression. Razor could join at any moment with Io's relocate. The fights were so one-sided that Sniper wasn't even needed in them. Falcons dictated what was happening and Liquid had to respond or get run over. The Chronos weren't as scary because Liquid were in such a huge deficit. By the time Void had MKB to deal with Razor's Butterfly, they were already 2 lanes down and the game was pretty much over. This was a classic Falcons drubbing. Falcons 1-1 Liquid.
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Liquid got Sniper again and the last pick response from Falcons was Earth Spirit again. The results from game #1 are very different for multiple reasons.

1. Liquid gave Chen away.
   
2. Earth Spirit didn't suffer as much in lane thanks to his solo kill on Sniper.
   
3. Micke is playing a flexed Pango this time. It got nowhere near as scary as the Void from game #1.
   

That's the thing with playing against Chen lineups. You don't have a lot of room for error. Pre-10 minutes in, Falcons brought their whole team to bot lane to kill Pango. It became a full-blown 5v5. Liquid got wiped and Falcons lost no one. At minute 12, another clash mid, Liquid lost 5 heroes and Falcons with 0 casualties. The game was over at that point. Nine completely redeemed himself. His Earth Spirit was incredible. He was able to get to Sniper in most cases and blow him up. The Pango and Kunkka were neutered and were very ineffective. This was a very dominant performance from Falcons and now they will face XG next in the Upper Bracket Finals. Falcons 2-1 Liquid.

I didn't really know how to write the title.
So basically I have this friend Isaiah. He told me a month ago that he liked me and I offered that we could start talking (relationship wise)...We had dated before and we ended up breaking up because I had come out as lesbian (bisexual now) and I ended up dating one of his bestfriends, mind you, I had no idea that they were even friends in the first place. He started telling everybody that I had broke up with him for her (which wasn't truee) and this caused a lot of conflict and to this day, we still haven't solved it.
I had noticed that he was being friendly with all these girls, letting them touch him and his hair and he was hugging them, and we didn't even give each other hugs due to the fact that he would just stand there awkwardly. So this was a turn off for me and I started losing feelings for him and I developed some for this boy Marcus.
I had told my friend Taylor and Arianna about it, and I assume that they talked about it and then told him. This continued happening for a week (we had spring break) and then I confronted him. He had told me it was because they told him that I had liked Marcus and he felt some type of way and then I had brought up how he was being friendly with all these other girls. He said it was because of Marcus but this was before and after the fact so it didn't make sense. I apologized but he never gave me one. But I didn't really care.
So his best friend Liz gave me a look when I said hi to her and i had told my friend Ciara and Ciara said she was going to confront her. She confronts her days later and we conclude we don't have problems with each other. When Ciara leaves, Liz comes up to me and says the only reason why I gave you the look was because I heard something about you that turned me off. I ask her what is was so that I could clarify it and she said it was because she heard that I liked Marcus while i was talking to Isaiah. I told her that me and Isaiah talked about it and I don't have feelings for Marcus anymore. I asked her why are you believing what people are saying instead of talking to me like a mature teenager. She shrugs and walks away.
The next day, me and my friend Natasha (Liz's crush) were writing that we love each other as a joke and holding hands and Liz's best friend Kamora takes pictures and posted it on her Snapchat story after I told her not to because I don't like taking pictures and she did it without my consent. Liz sees it that same day later in after school) and gives me dirty looks and whispers something in Isaiah's ear. So now that whole group (there were multiple other ppl there) is looking at me after Kamora shows her phone to them.
The next day me and Isaiah technically break up I guess because he claims it was because of the Natasha thing after I explained to him that it was just a joke and I didn't mean no harm and that me and Natasha are just friends. Then he's telling me that it was because I still liked Marcus! Which is not true because I got over my feelings because me and Marcus ended up talking and he didn't feel the same way. And you know who popped up in almost every sentence after I asked him where he got this information from? Liz. But he said it was other people. like who? Because Kamora doesn't have a lot of people added to her story. And nobody even fucks with Isaiah because he lies too much.
I'm pissed and walk away. A few periods later, after lunch, (I didn't go to lunch but I heard that Liz and Kamora were walking around looking for me) Liz presses me with Kamora and other ppl asking me if I have a problem and i tell her yes I do. I ask her why is she believing stuff that people say when you know this whole school is based off of gossiping? I ask her why did you tell Isaiah that I still like Marcus? She says that she never said that and that she still wants to be friends. I say no I don't want to be friends with you and walk off.
I go to class and I'm shaking and i can't breath. (I have bad anxiety) so I'm having an anxiety attack and my friends are trying to calm me down. Kamora comes over to where i am and I tell them I don't want her over here. She starts arguing with my friend Mickayda and then she goes to the dean and assistant principal. They call our parents and I'm still pretty pissed off?
Am i wrong? AITA? There's more to it but I'm making a separate post (part 2) to this.
Edit: Just decided to add more of the story to this post.
Alright so Monday, I'm not talking to any of them and I'm ignoring Kamora and distancing myself from her. She clearly doesn't get the message but I really don't want nothing to do with them. So then out of nowhere, Arianna comes up to me saying that Kamora thinks I'm talking shit about her. I didn't care at all. She said that I told Kamora that she's a bitch and she's going back and forth being an instigator. I told Arianna that if Kamora has a problem with me, she can consult in me.
So now out of nowhere I have problems with Liz's friend group because Liz told them what happened. I don't know. I go up to them they give me dirty looks and I really am just confused and annoyed because I'm and minding my business and now I'm being faulted after I squashed whatever problems we have. So I start cutting people off and this arises in more conflict.
So then I'm hearing all this stuff that Kamora is talking shit about me I get overwhelmed and I have a panic attack. I start telling people to shut up and stop yelling at me about it. So then they bring Kamora over to me after I calmed down and it really balls down to Arianna because she's the one going back and forth telling us stuff. Kamora starts telling me it's my fault and i say how because I was not even talking to her after all that shit went down!!
She tells me that I was being rude to her when Ciara and Mickayda were copying somebody else's science hw. Mind you, I copied it the day later because I didn't even have the worksheet that day. It was really Mickayda because she kept telling Kamora that nobody wanted her at the table and to fuck off.
I'm rlly tired at this point because it's still going till this day.

I would like to add an encouragement post. I am at my 1-year anniversary this week.
As far as I can figure out I have POTS, MCAS, CFS. My recent gut screen was actually pretty good except for a couple of aspects that need correcting.
I was bed/ chairbound for about 3 months. I couldn’t cope with any noisy sensory stimulation; no TV, radio, music. I literally just sat like a potato for weeks. In that time I had unintentional extended fasting where I just couldn’t stand to eat or drink for 2 or 3 days at a time. If I tried to use the stairs at home, there was crawling and resting involved, so I avoided trying to do that. I couldn’t really maintain my personal hygiene very well. My cognitive function was badly affected. Short term memory loss, on one occasion I didn’t recognise my own sister. Unable to read anything more than a couple of sentences or follow a conversation. Unable to interact with more than one person at a time.
After 6 months I was improved enough to try returning to work. I restarted at 4 hours per week. I could not drive at this point. At first I thought I was going to have to drop from a management role to a data entry clerk because my skills were significantly altered.
It is now 6 months later. I work 26-30 hours per week. I crash about 2 or 3 days per month; I’m still learning pacing but in the past month have got much, much better at this. My symptoms for everything except POTS are very significantly reduced. I still score “significantly impacted” on the different scales I am being monitored on, but compared to where I was, in material terms I am much more able. I can now drive for 30 minutes several times per week. I am holding about 50% of my previous work duties at this point. My cognitive function is dramatically better. I can lead a group meeting without crashing, for example.
Today, I had a joyous moment. I took my dog to a park I have not visited for a year. I have not been there because of an incline involved. I did a short walk with her. It was OK.
Every month I get slightly better. I have done a bunch of things to try and aid this. Thank goodness for this subreddit; it has given me the keys, signposted every single thing I’ve tried out, some of which I’m convinced are pivotal for me. I’m not writing a list because I can’t really say for sure - what has done what? Nobody is monitoring me except me. Maybe none of it worked and it was just time. Maybe I’m right, some things were crucial.
I know there are people early on in their journey looking for hope here. I would like to speak up and say I’m very much better. I am starting to contemplate the next forward steps. To all the people still profoundly debilitated: I think of you a lot. I speak about you in my paid work as a community builder. I’m so sorry that this gradual improvement I am describing has not happened for you. It sucks.

This analysis comes from Cults and Nonconventional Religious Groups: A Collection of Outstanding Dissertations and Monographs, "Shakubuku: A Study of the Nichiren Shoshu Buddhist Movement in America, 1960-1975", David A. Snow, 1993, pp. 171-179.
I'll try to shave it down, because it's a long section, but he masterfully dissects the manipulation and artifice involved in the "discussion meetings" of then-NSA (now SGI-USA). You'll recognize the fakery he identifies - this is the nature of the Dead-Ikeda-cult SGI, a completely dishonest and exploitative cult.

It is at these discussion meetings, then, that NSA gets on with the real work of promoting and securing nominal conversion, of attempting to get recruits to take the first major step toward conversion by agreeing to receive a Gohonzon and to give chanting a try.

In those days, the nohonzon was issued up front (for a fee, of course - cash on the barrelhead).

And since gaining converts is, in large part, what this movement is all about, "nothing is more basic to the activities of NSA," as noted in the Winter edition of the 1975 NSA Quarterly, "than the discussion meeting." Or, as one district leader emphasized when discussing the importance of these meetings: "Discussion meetings are indispensable to the spread of the practice and the attainment of Kosen-rufu."

If you've ever felt confused at how sitting around someone's living room with the same bunch of losers month after month is doing anything toward the SGI's supposed goals of "world peace" or anything at all, actually, besides wasting the participants' time, I think what's described here will make it clearer what the original intent and purpose of these "discussion meetings" was, AND how far from that the current SGI "activities" have fallen.

The Character and Organization of These Meetings from a Sociological Standpoint
Given the purpose and importance of these discussion meetings, the question arises as to how they are organized and brought off in a strategic manner. In other words, what is the underlying strategy guiding this work of securing nominal conversion, and what are the kinds of tactical adjustments made at the line of scrimmage when the plan of attack does not appear to be advancing the group toward its goal of getting guests to agree to give chanting a try.

It's not enough that the "guests" say they'll try it; by the end of this ordeal, they'll say absolutely anything to get themselves to the other side of that door! What they really want is enough interest and desire on the part of those "guests" that they'll come back - and ideally become regularly attending members (as described in this indoctrinational creative writing fiction where a career Catholic priest is so entranced with the fictional (non)discussion meetings that he JOINS the SGI!! You'll notice that there is never any room within SGI to even mention one of THEIR SGI leaders who joins a Baptist church, for example, much less to celebrate such a stepping-out-of-line. But it's always FINE for other religions' leaders to see the obvious superiority of the SGI, knowmsayin?

In order to answer these question [sic] in a sociological manner, let us step out of the shoes of a guest and into those of a sociological [sic] with insiders' knowledge.
The Strategy of Theatrical Persuasion. Although members and the movement's literature like to characterize these meetings as being forums for free and open discussion and the spontaneous expression and flow of happiness and excitement, they are a far cry from gatherings characterized by spontaneity and unstructured discussion and interaction. Rather, they are meticulously planned and highly orchestrated meetings that can be best conceptualized, from a dramaturgical perspective, as theatrical-like presentations staged and conducted by a set of individuals (NSA members) who not only work together as a team but whose intimate cooperation is expected and required in order to foster and sustain a convincing impression or definition of the situation in the eyes of the audience (the recruits or guests).
Although the staged character of these meetings is seldom readily discernible to the unsuspecting guest, the appropriateness of conceptualizing these meetings in this way is suggested by the following considerations. First, the purpose of the meeting, as already indicated, is to sell guests on the idea of chanting, to so impress them that they feel compelled to give this practice call [sic] chanting a try.
Secondly, there is a division of labor such that all members have one or more roles to play. These various roles include the leadership role, the role of emcee, a general, overarching supportive role, and several more specific supportive roles, such as the role of giving an explanation of what NSA is all about, the role of a song leader, and the role of giving testimony. And even more significantly, members are provided with fairly detailed instructions, or, in the language of the theater, with scripts indicating what each role involves and how best to perform or play it.

There's a list of these roles. At the discussion meeting planning meeting, the attendees go down the list and simply plug different members' names into the worksheet.

The main leadership role, assumed by the district chief or, in his absence, the assistant district chief, includes, for example, the tasks of leading the chanting in a vigorous manner, conducting the question-and-answer session, meeting with each of the guests, and providing an inspirational role model for the other members. In performing these tasks, the leader is reminded that rather than putting on the air of a great sage, he should make a point of displaying great vitality, warmth, and compassion. Furthermore, he is expected "to be able to give clear explanations of the philosophy and practice," and is instructed to "always tailor his answers and encouragement to the audience."

Answers should always be tailored to the audience. If the guests are young, then the answers should include examples they can relate to. If the questions are too mystical or one-sided, the leader must have the wisdom to change the subject or break off the question-and-answer period diplomatically.

Blanche described how in her first district, the WD District leader instructed everyone that, if someone in the meeting was going on too long or rambling or whatever, that they should just start clapping wildly and shouting, "Congratulations!!" and then the MC would just move on to the next topic on the agenda. Reeeeal "spontaneous" there...

The emcee role is also regarded as particularly important, so much so that "the success of the meeting" is said to be contingent on how well it is performed. In fact, "so much depends on the emcee" that the discussion meeting is described for him as "a battleground in which he must struggle to bring victory to the members."

Barf. How far SGI has fallen! Now the goal is to see if there's some young teen in an SGI member's family who can be press-ganged to show up and read the agenda - their youth in and of itself is supposed to "encourage" everyone! Forget about all that "struggle" nonsense - they aren't gonna. This illustrates the SGI's current "form over function" approach, in which they just identify someone and pressure that person to do it, rather than the ideal candidate volunteering from a spirit of...oh, whatever - see above paragraph 🙄 Ideally, there would be SEVERAL young people positively brimming with passion and youthful energy who would be vying to be chosen: "Me! Let ME do it this time!" "No! ME!" "Choose ME!!" Instead, now it's just some tired old fart who agrees to do it, just to get this over with and there's no one else.

Specific responsibilities include setting "the gears fo the meeting in motion" and keeping the meeting going in a rhythmical and orderly manner.

You have to wonder just how crazy they envision these (non)discussion meetings might go - will a spontaneous rave break out if it isn't carefully controlled? An unpermitted parade? A frenzy of liturgical dance?? WHAT might happen??? Enquiring minds want to know!!

The emcee must develop the ability to keep the rhythm of the meeting going by making sure that there are no pauses or interruptions. If someone is causing a disorder, he should quiet the person in a polite manner. If a baby starts crying, he should see to it that either the mother or one of the young women at the meeting takes the child to another room to calm it down.

Gendered. Misogynist.

The emcee is also charged with being "the eyes and ears of the person leading the meeting."

Before and during the meeting, he should watch guests, be on the lookout for disruptions, and in general, be aware of everything that's happening. He should inform the person leading the meeting how many guests are present and whether they are young or old, so the leader can set the rhythm of the meeting accordingly.

Yeah. NO 😄 WOW but it's been a LONG TIME since any SGI sales pitch-based recruiting session - I mean discussion meeting - had any characteristics that would fit the above instructions. Just no way. Not now. Now, it's the same old handful of longhaulers dragging themselves in to go through the motions - as usual. By rote.

In addition, the emcee is expected to talk, act, and appear in a manner that displays or exudes strength, confidence, vitality and neatness.

The emcee must speak in a vigorous, strong and clear voice, but not screaming. The way he sits, stands up and moves the table must display confidence.

This was when a small table would be moved in in front of the person who led gongyo, who would turn around to face the group. This is of course a Japanese norm, completely foreign to Westerners. How many people outside of Japan even have a low table like that, designed for someone who's sitting on the floor??

In fact, he should stand up smartly whenever he is talking. As for appearance, he should reflect the image of NSA - clean and neat clothes and personal grooming.

It has been a LOOOOOOOONG time since ANY SGI district could insist on these requirements! Now they're just lucky if they can get anyone younger than retirement age to read the agenda off, and the agenda is often handed to them right there at the meeting itself - fuhgeddabout all this "advance preparation" nonsense. Nothing happens at the SGI discussion meetings, so nobody's going to go to this much trouble just because.

And finally, the emcee is instructed to have the details of the meeting worked out and the setting in order before the meeting begins.

...as opposed to showing up and being handed a printed agenda to read off as SGI does it now.

The emcee must have a plan for the meeting. He should write up a schedule showing who will give the explanation, what songs will be sung, who will give experiences and so on, and present it to the leader at least two days prior to the meeting. The emcee must prepare for the meeting. He should check to see if the meeting place is clean and neat, that all lights work and there is an appropriate meeting table. Most of all, he should do Shakubuku for the success of the meeting.

Oh, like any of that's gonna happen! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yes, things were VERY different back in the late 1960s-early 1970s, when the SGI organization in the US was still growing. As you can see, all this has been tossed right out the window.
A couple of items:

• "the leader" - this was when the leader of the local district organizational unit (typically the MEN's leader) would assume the leadership role for the "discussion meeting". This was replaced with a "central figure", an invited "SENIOR leader" who would agree to attend and serve this "leader" function. The invited SENIOR leader would typically lead gongyo and preside over the proceedings - that's more how these meetings are arranged now.
  
• that "Shakubuku" in the last sentence? It strikes me wrong somehow. Sure, that'd be great and all for EVERYONE to bring a "guest" (#SGIGOALZ of course) but I think that having the person CHANT for the success of the meeting would be a more reasonable assignment. Also, how could the MC properly shepherd their "guest" and STILL do all that MC stuff single-mindedly??
  

In fact, you can see a newly promoted leader doing exactly that, "chanting for the success of the meeting", here, from this same time period (early 1970s).
It's been a LONG time since any of this was happening, and you can clearly see in today's (non)discussion meetings how far things have deteriorated - and that's JUST the MC part! There's a bit about the demands on the members of the group - I'll skip to just this part:

As one district chief explained during a planning meeting for senior and junior leaders within the district and which I was invited to by one of my key informants:

Make sure to tell your members to chant in rhythm with the leaders. There shouldn't be any more than one rhythm. Everyone should be together so that there is unity. And remember to have them support the leader in whatever he says; the guests won't know whether he is right or wrong. So even if you don't agree with what is being said, act as if you do. this [sic] way there is unity at the meeting and the guests will be more impressed.

Wow, huh? It's completely dishonest and oriented entirely at flimflamming and bamboozling the "guests"!
Next there's a big section on "experiences", but I'm going to give that its own post because it's a WHOLE topic on its own. Hopefully today! But Ima skip ahead a bit, to p. 177:

A fourth indication of the staged character of discussion meetings is provided by the fact that planning meetings are held at both the district and chapter level for the purpose of discussing how to improve discussion meetings and make them more successful. Although rank-and-file members (those who have not attained that status of a junior or senior leader) are not normally invited to these planning meetings, I was able to attend several of them at the invitation of both my district chief and a junior leader who was one of my key informants.

SKULLDUGGERY!! 💀

It was during these planning meetings that I became deeply sensitized to the highly orchestrated and dramaturgical character of not only the discussion meetings but of NSA's overall operation.

At this point it's important to remember that "dramaturgical" means "relating to the art or the theory of writing and putting on plays, especially for the theater" - it's all putting on a show to manipulate the unwitting guests in order to trick them into transforming into new recruits. It's ALL fake - just a façade to fool the uninformed.

A fifth consideration suggesting that staged character of discussion meetings is the fact that much of what members do and say, both verbally and nonverbally, during the course of a meeting is to appear natural and spontaneous rather than artificial and contrived.

They try. Unconvincingly.

In other words, these meetings are not to appear as staged performances or as the product of dramaturgical cooperation. This concern is evidenced by the emphasis placed on exuding sincerity and responding to calls from the emcee and to what the leader says and does with alacrity and enthusiasm. It is also suggested by some of the rituals engaged in by the emcee, as when he scans the gathering after he has called for an experience so as to foster the impression that whom he calls is a spontaneous decision rather than one that has been pre-arranged, as indicated by the fact that those called on are already listed on his meeting agenda and by the fact that members frequently know beforehand whether they will be giving an experience.

This fakery apparently was dropped decades ago; in current SGI (non)discussion meetings, not only is the person acknowledged by name as delivering/"sharing" an "experience", but the person often has it written out on a piece of paper they semi-read off.

But none of this is evident to the guest.

Rather, what transpires - who gives the explanation, who gives testimonies, and so on - is staged in such a way that it all appears as if it is spontaneous and independent of prior planning, negotiation, and decision-making among the members. As a consequence, it seems reasonable to suggest that NSA in general and the district members in particular have something of the character of a secret society.

Only without any special perks or sexiness.

This is not particularly surprising, however, when considering the nature of theatrical-like teamwork. As Erving Goffman noted in his seminal discussion of this kind of work:

... if a performance is to be effective it will be likely that the extent of cooperation that makes this possible will be concealed and kept secret... The audience may appreciate, of course, that all members of the team are held together by a bond that no member of the audience shares ... But (the members of the team) form a secret society ... insofar as a secret is kept as to how they are cooperating together to maintain a particular definition of the situation.

This will all be very familiar to the people trying to recruit new suckers into MLM schemes/scams, too.

The sixth and final consideration suggesting the appropriateness of viewing these meetings from a dramaturgical perspective is the fact that they do not "go on" unless there is an audience, that is unless guests are in attendance.

Before Ikeda was excommunicated by Nichiren Shoshu and transformed the SGI into his own personal worship society, there was a certain "rhythm" to the year. February and August were "Shakubuku Months", and there was an "introductory meeting" scheduled every week. If it came to meeting start time and there was no "guest", the meeting was halted and everybody was sent out to try and find something with a pulse to drag in, at which point the meeting would proceed:

When I first discovered this I was somewhat startled, for I had assumed that these meetings were conducted in their entirety regardless of the presence or absence of a new face. But as I learned one evening, this is not the case. Following the chanting session on this particular evening, the leader emphasized that since these meetings were for guests and none were present, we would have to go out and round up one or two. So the members in attendance were divided into Shakubuku teams and sent out in search of prospects. Although three of the four teams returned empty-handed, one had managed to corral a single guest. But one is all that is needed; and so the formal meeting began as usual.

For "formal meeting" read "sales pitch". By the late-1980s, perhaps earlier, instead of being every discussion meeting, this format was restricted to the "introductory meetings" during the Shakubuku Months. However, he's describing something that happened every single time. No meeting unless a "guest" was present.

During my tenure as a member I saw this particular scenario re-enacted on four different occasions, and on one occasion we were sent back into the streets three times in succession. Around 8:30 p.m., after the third try and with one guest in hand, the show finally got on the road.

The author describes himself as "an active participant observer for nearly a year and a half".

Perhaps even more illustrative of the theatrical character of these meetings and the fact that they are staged for guests is the following course of events that transpired one evening during a meeting I attended:

Although no guests were present when the chanting began, a young couple came in toward the end of the chanting session and situated themselves on the floor at the back of the room. But apparently the emcee didn't notice them; for upon completion of the chanting session he didn't jump up and yell out: 'Welcome to a vigorous and happy meeting of the [name here] District of NSA!' But the district leader, who had apparently seen this couple come in, punched the emcee in the ribs and whispered that some guests were present. And so this member immediately assumed his role of the emcee and proceeded as usual by springing to his feet, putting on a big smile, and blurting out, 'Welcome to a vigorous and happy meeting of the [name here] District of NSA!'

"Vigorous and happy" 🤣

In light of the foregoing considerations and observations, there seems to be little question about the appropriateness of conceptualizing NSA discussion meetings as "shows" or presentations staged by the members, who constitute a performance team, before an audience composed of recruits or "guests".

This was what was going on BEFORE Dickeda swanned into the US in 1990 and "changed our direction" - because of what Sensei did, the bottom fell out of the discussion meetings. Instead of weekly meetings, Dickeata dictated that these meetings would only happen monthly from now on - and of COURSE Die-Sucky Scamsei's word is LAW in his own cult of personality, where the membership follows a PERSON instead of any "law". Post-excommunication, at the (non)discussion meetings I attended, there was at least one guest every single time, but they never came back. The ONLY person I saw join post-excommunication was a formerly homeless woman with two small children who had moved in with an SGI member (who had unethically selected her at the abused-women's shelter she was living at, where he volunteered computer classes for the residents). She was able to see it didn't work; she ended up quitting.
Now what SGI-USA is left with is an ever-shrinking membership of mostly Baby-Boom generation and older individuals who mostly joined during the time period described in this study. SGI has completely lost what vitality it once had; now it's simply waiting around for the grave - and oblivion.

A good friend asked me this and this was my response.
(Btw I know what a run-on sentence is, so spare me. I was a journalist. I am writing informally)
“Always consult with a professional. Don’t ever play around with dosages!!! Absolutely talk to your doctor to see if you can be taking your med as needed or if you need to follow a consistent regimen, but If you haven’t been taking it regularly in a while WITH YOUR DOCTOR’S BLESSING and you have been fine before this latest episode, it would be best not to fall back into any kind of avoidance behavior if you can pull it off. Otherwise, you trigger that old unconscious habit of giving it validity in your mind as a threat or concern and you will undo the recovery you’ve accomplished. Whenever you can’t pull off dismissing it …and sometime you just can’t….that latest experience where you felt you had to take a preventive measure is like a recording in your brain that will play back the same feelings and sensations the next time you are in a similar situation . The act of avoidance creates a trigger, in other words. I don’t need to remind you that the trick when you get symptoms is to dismiss them to the best of your ability and leave them in the background, fully expecting you will soon recover. Meds can be very useful toward that end if you do this with the idea that the problem is more with your own thinking and that your body is acting accordingly, rather than this being a legitimate medical condition” [this doesn’t apply to everyone, I know, I know].
“They say to stay in the present. In my experience, that only applies to not projecting into the future what you fear might go wrong, but it worked for me if I projected into the future an expected a positive outcome….just as long as I didn’t overthink it and quickly put it aside . You needed those few victories as confidence builders and you have them to fall back on. You are saying ‘I’m familiar with this uncomfortable sensation, I don’t like it, but I can tolerate it. I know how it all turns out and that I will be okay’. You are saying ‘yes this bugs me, but I have this other program in my brain, this previous positive outcome, to counteract this trigger. I’m going to dismiss this even though my brain keeps snapping back to it and creating symptoms”
. But if you are in really dire circumstances where you will need to function, or your body has become used to it, what else can you do but take the pill ? Maybe take it for now until your doctor tells you to taper it off with the idea that you will take a different approach later. Just know that it’s going to take a while to get back to normal once you fall back into that old pattern. Expect and accept the symptoms. It’s your general attitude that matters most, and not so much how you reacted when it happened. Be kind and patient with yourself. You are good at this. You’ve done it before.”

While opposites attract each other, they say, like captivates like, and the sprawling messy lives of Ayonna and Jamahl are like a streaming overflowing creek bed with water bouncing off, regrouping, changing course and flowing over the stony landscapes of their lives filled with haphazard children, arrests and family members who've seen and heard so much by now they can now only mutely stand by and nod to each other. Is it genetic? Ayonna's brother, Jaleel, did 4 years himself, and as he drives her to meet her-mother-in-law to be she hopes, Christine, and her daughters, one day before her sentencing, there is already a knotty history with how they first met. "They're about to put the steak on the grill," laughs Ayonna nervously to Jamahl on the phone, but he erases any nerves by mentioning that he really wants to wait 2 years before getting married. News to Ayonna who doesn't have much time to answer as they approach the park and, Christine, a poor man's Whoopie Goldberg, smiles revealing checkerboard teeth that have shamelessly adopted the stand-your-ground defense. Christine and her daughters know their Jamahl who suffers from a major case of the Herschel Squirts having fathered 6 children with 4 different mothers with whom he presumably co-parents. His first marriage, like Ayonna's arrest, wasn't his fault; it was Islam's fault that not only made him get married - for only 6 months, but forbid him to date, and this is all too piddlingly insignificant to mention even though he's "an open book." "You have nothing to worry about; don't be tripping," he soothes placatingly - like The Killer who promises his Victim he will let her go and when he aims, she cries, "You lied! You promised me mercy." "And you shall have it," he responds as he shoots her in the head quickly ending it - for him that is mercy.
Rick is that kind of guy who attends his high school reunions. All of them. But this 40th, this time, he will be sober and act responsibly and even remember it. Still, Samantha is concerned that Rick isn't a human walking billboard advertising their engagement so these lonely single women and di​vor​cées who always show up drinking too much and talking too loud looking for a second and third chance for love won't bedazzle him away from her. She likes marriage so much she's tried it a couple of times and she'd be happy to try it again even before she's released. He, on the other hand, doesn't want to upstage the event with any announcement, but she wants to plant her flag like Cook or Peary discovering the North Pole. Well, Rick is no professional hitman like John Cusack in "Grosse Point Blank, but he is grappling with a mid-life crisis, slightly torn between his present and past as Sandy, a forward-looking blonde, and Carol, "C.D.," a younger version of "90 Day Fiancé's" Claire, Sophie's hyperbolic mother, who fondly remembers a past hookup in the Westwood parking lot, swarm over him like bees to honey. C.D. has loved Rick since 7th grade and has completely missed the irony that his recent sobriety has tempered his phone calls to her. Of course, Sammy, who "don't trust them bitches" calls Rick while her high school buddy, Sandy, is standing nearby, and who has enough aplomb to not bat an eyelash and offer her congratulations as she then flits like a butterfly to disperse the news to the other attendees. Rick who loves Sammy, a multiple DUI and possible resisting/obstructing an officer and disorderly conduct offender, and his confidence builder, is contemplating his set pension and the fluid amount of cash required to move out-of-state to meet Sammy's non-negotiable demand to be with her children where he will default serve as a live-in stepfather and grandfather. And that's only the beginning.
It's 3 weeks until True's release and Shonta receives all her filtered photos (looking at you Mo'nique) back from prison. The explanation the prison spokesperson gives her is that explicit photos/nudity or contraband will be rejected as well as when the prisoner is in solitary confinement. She unsurprisingly takes her daughter, Monae, into her confidence and Monae is unsurprised at her mother's desperate attempts to find love and to give her all without getting anything back. True acts clueless as to why the pictures were rejected and blames the eponymously named Two Braids - whose "females bad and they dimes" relaying his photos to True for just checking them out. Shonta believes him as much as Drake loves Lamar and Trump will stop being openly contemptuous of court, and as much as we believe that even though True prefers white females, he's physically attracted to Shonta. He says this crouched over a table, thumb moving ploddingly towards his mouth as a reassuring pacifier, eyeballs straining to heaven as he cannot say this lie full fronal and arms crossed defensively. And still she'll give him another chance.
Candice is rightfully behind bars for burglary because she is stealing Andrew's money as this poor schlub is driving to Vegas to furnish a decent apartment with the help of her friend and mothementor figure, Denise, who looks a little "Misery's" Annie Wilkes, with a seemingly innocent smile hiding a terrifying switch between fanatical devotion and violent aggression. She could out her friend, but she stays mum as Andrew enumerates his expenses: $1360 rent per month, 36 hours driving and a minimum of $1600 gas, 15K spent on eight 2-hour contact visits, unspecified amounts for furniture, whether bought or rented, and the incalculable countless hours of lonely nights which will propel him to propose immediately. It's there or a well-care center that might go unoccupied and gather dust and rental monies until the prison decides on a parole address. MC Hammer is sort of a case in point. At the peak of his success he earned a reported $33 million in 1991, but over-the-top spending on luxury cars, a record company, airplanes and a $30 million home that he built from the ground up, which eventually sold for less than $7 million, ate into his fortune, so he filed for bankruptcy continuing to owe the IRS thousands in back taxes for the next 20 years. Andrew isn't exactly a one-hit wonder nor has he earned any serious bank, but he is about to lose it all because as soon as Candice is released, she will grab what she can and then announce, “U Can’t Touch This.”

I'm trying to create an excel worksheet for quality purposes. The idea is to ensure that the words are within the standard statement. However, I'm having a trouble with broken lines.
For example: Standard statement is "The greater good"
CountIf formula =CountIf(C3, "the greater good")
Problem encountered: Sometimes there's a broken line. Example
The (entered) Greater good
Since it is not in the same sentence, the countif would appear as 0. However, I'm trying to have it resulted to 1 since all of the words exists.
What can I improve?
edited refer to picture in the comment box
Edited edited** already sorted by the suggestion regarding the break line. Thank you everyone for your suggestions and recommendations! I appreciate you all ❤️

Hi, I've been thinking about this question and would like some outside opinions because I feel like I have to be missing something. I also don't want to ask a bunch of coworkers and come off as dissing the teacher.
I'm a teacher aide in two second grade classrooms in a Choice private school. I did go to school to be a teacher. I completed everything except one 10 week student teaching (but I made up the credits and graduated). I've worked at those school for about 3.5 years. 1.5 were spent with K4. This is my second year in 2nd grade.
Backstory: My one teacher is chronically absent. She is being forced to retire after this school year. Her back and legs are causing hee so much pain she can't come to school and work. I've been the only constant presence for these kids these last 6 months. My teacher has only been a full time teacher her for about 7 years. She subbed for a lot of her life. I end up teaching a lot, although it's been awesome having subs on most days as of late. I take care of most of the stuff in the classroom and come in early and stay late to try to make sure everything is as it should be.
She basically doesn't use the school's science or English curriculum. We have a new math curriculum (we used to use Saxon until we couldn't get any more physical books. Now we have Math Expressions), but she doesn't teach it as intended. She doesn't use a lot of the materials that came with it.
For English, our school uses Shirely which is what I grew up with. The student books are still in storage. The student workbook are in their desks, unused. They have only used the sentence books, but she doesn't teach it the Shirely way. These kids will go on to 3rd grade... behind. She thinks they have to master each part of speech before doing sentences. It never occurred to her that we could go through them... as a class. I never even knew where the TE book was until like a week ago. I'm not even convinced she knows how to do it. She uses tons of superteacher worksheets and random ones she finds online. Sometimes the answer key isn't right. Some of the stuff is confusing. Instead of using the Shirely songs and videos, she picks random stuff from on YouTube.
For science, she doesn't use the book. She prints off all these black and white packets that the kids frequently lose. Lots of repetitive questions. Everything is writing stuff out that frankly feels like wastes of time sometimes because by the time everyone has the answers down, a chunk of the kids are now talking, making noises, and distracting each other. Sometimes I don't even know what the question is asking either. Sometimes the answer isn't actually in the text (and it's not an opinion or inference question).
I've talked a little with one of subs (who taught in the upper grades for many years at the school), and she clearly thinks that not using the English curriculm is wrong. On the days she's there, it's like she makes it her mission to teach how they should be taught.
Math is now being taught by the other 2nd grade teacher. We are units behind with only a couple weeks left and won't be able to finish the book. There were too many days spent not doing lessons or using materials not from the curriculum (which they didn't master. They are still very much struggling).
I just don't understand. How do you not know where you NEED to be if at all possible? If you are picking random topics for science, how do you know you are meeting standards? All of this goes against everything I was taught in college. If the kids were thriving, I wouldn't be worried. They aren't though.
And FWIW, the other teacher doesn't use the curriculum for social studies either, and I can't say I understand. That retired teacher sub doesn't even agree with some of the stuff in these worksheets (like money being an example of scarcity).
I very much try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I naturally believe they know better than me, so I hate saying anything. Am I missing something or is/was my teacher just not great at teaching? She feels like the kind of teachers I grew up with in the 90s and early 00s, although my teachers were better I think. I understand supplementing with materials every once in a while... or if the book is missing a lot of stuff. But never using the curriculum and it's worksheets? Or using it only a quarter of the way so that it appears to confuse the kids so it must not work? To be clear, I've never heard them talk about the curriculum being awful or old or anything.
I'll say this because I feel like someone may ask, we don't have anyone in charge of curriculum or looking over lesson plans. They submit their block plans to the drive I think, but I'm pretty sure they aren't looked at.

I hope this isn't a dumb question - I am the parent of a fourth grade girl who was diagnosed with dyslexia recently and this is all pretty new to me. I hope I'm missing something, actually, because I'm confused and pissed and sad.
This ended up being longer than my single question - I guess I am actually really pissed off and sad about the last nine months in general, and I am completely open to any feedback, advice, or ideas about what to do now and how to help my kid. This is the first time I wrote all of this down and the irony of writing a novel on a dyslexia subreddit is not lost on me.
I'm leaving it lol.
Cora has always been brilliant and weird and loud, but over the last few years, it became apparent that she was having a harder time....stopping. Stopping talking, stopping moving, stopping yelling - it was just endless and exhausting for everyone around her. (Except at school. She is and was perfectly behaved at school - she has literally never gotten so much as a note home about goofing off in class.) Cora hit a wall in third grade - the hyperactivity was finally wearing her out, too, and annoying her friends. She finally asked for some help slowing down.
She was tested for ADHD and the general host of common mental health conditions last fall, and to no one's surprise, was diagnosed with ADHD-combined type, as well as anxiety symptoms that the psychologist described as significant enough to warrant a GAD diagnosis…but that she strongly suspected were a perfectly rational reaction to the very real problems Cora’s impulsiveness caused in her life.
This was exactly my experience as someone diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. It turns out that the consequences of constantly losing my car keys, forgetting appointments, and impulsively spending money I didn’t have were making me anxious and stressed, not the other way around. I had expected similar results for Cora and I was glad this was happening now - she could skip the years of totally ineffective treatment and misdiagnoses that I went through before being diagnosed and successfully treated.
What we were not expecting at all was the additional diagnosis of "specific learning disorder with reading impairment" noted in the report. I had no idea what this meant. The psychologist did not use the word "dyslexia" in her written evaluation, a decision which resulted in another 8 months of confusion and (probably unnecessary) testing detailed below. She explained to us that Cora could have dyslexia, but that her testing wasn't granular enough to be sure - that there was a chance it was "something else" and the SLD diagnosis was an umbrella term that covered both dyslexia and conditions unknown. (I have no idea what she was referring to and the general weirdness about using the word dyslexia was something I noticed with the school, too. I am still confused by this and other interactions where I get the distinct feeling people aren’t telling me something important.)
It was almost September, so the psychologist recommended pursuing testing with the school; this seemed to be a reasonable next step. They would test Cora and determine exactly what was going on, if anything. This whole part of the report was very much characterized as an incidental finding - something to follow up on, but nothing alarming given Cora’s history of good grades.
"Maybe she was just tired after a long day of testing,” the doctor explained. “But it also seemed like she wasn't hearing certain letters correctly." Years of speech therapy had helped Cora correct all but a few minor issues - but combined with this potential reading issue, maybe an audiologist should test her again. Get her hearing tested, start medication for ADHD, and see what the school says about her reading - that was the plan, no big deal.
I wasn't worried, but I figured it couldn't hurt to see what other help was available. I learned that we have a branch of a big tutoring nonprofit in our city that offers Orton-Gillingham instruction at no charge - something I soon realized would cost hundreds of dollars per month at other centers. Free is good! I submitted Cora's application and the report from the psychologist (with the ADHD/GAD/SLD all clearly noted)….and we got a rejection letter a week later in the mail. Cora didn't qualify because the tutoring was specific to dyslexia, and the SLD with reading impairment was not the same as a formal dyslexia diagnosis. Fair enough, I thought - I figured we'd get the testing done through her school and could reapply if the result was a dyslexia diagnosis.
That....was naïve, lol. But the psychologist made it sound like a total non-issue, something schools did all the time. I sent the school psychologist and teachers the report before school even started, since surely they would want to schedule all of this right away! I didn’t hear anything for a few weeks – the start of the school year must be such a busy time, after all – but raised it again, report in hand, at a meeting with Cora’s teacher in late September.
“You….really want to try to avoid putting a label on things too quickly,” she told me, in a tone that implied there was much more that she was not saying. “She seems to be doing quite well in class. Let’s see how she does on the standardized tests we’re finishing this week and go from there.” I was definitely aware that I was missing something, but it seemed reasonable to wait for Cora’s test results if they would help inform next steps. Cora scored well above average, as usual; shortly after receiving these scores, the school psychologist emailed me to let me know that no further testing was warranted.
I still felt like I was missing something – spoiler alert, I was – but there didn’t seem to be anything else left to do. They're the experts and were totally unconcerned – only positive news - and Cora’s new ADHD meds seemed to be really helping. After that, everything did seem to be okay at school for a while. Cora liked her teachers and was doing well.
Everything was copacetic…except for the fact that Cora’s anxiety seemed to be getting worse without any tangible explanation. She complained about fourth grade being a lot harder, but again – her grades were fine, she was perfectly behaved, she liked her teachers….it was difficult to identify any problem that needed solving. Soon, Cora started getting home and isolating herself in her room for over an hour every day. She seemed stressed. Worn out. This went on for months.
And then she had her first panic attack on a Sunday night, seemingly out of nowhere. She wanted a mental health day Monday and was back in school Tuesday, seemingly her normal self.
The next Sunday, she had another panic attack, and this one was much, much worse. She lost control of her bladder. I was close to taking her to the ER. It was scary. That's when it all came out. She was DREADING school - her two hours of ELA in the mornings had become “torture.” She was white-knuckling it through the reading, writing, and spelling work, totally clueless as to why it seemed so much harder for her than for other kids, but so determined to get good grades that she had just burned. the. fuck. OUT.
She was home for days after this. The school tried to dismiss my concerns at first - it couldn't have been that bad, I was told. To be fair, my concerns were vague because I still didn’t understand the real issues or how to help Cora, either. Cora was clearly unwell and adamantly refused to return to school. I started putting everything in formal, written letters emailed to all of her teachers, the school psychologist, and everyone else who seemed potentially relevant. I told them I wasn't sending her back until they did something to try to figure out what was going on in ELA.
That was mid-February. We had a meeting before I would agree to send Cora back, where they talked about putting together the "interdisciplinary team" to conduct "extensive classroom observation.” They insisted that this process would take at least 60 days to complete. Cora reports that there have been three days where someone has essentially come to her ELA class and stared at her while she works.
We weren’t just waiting for the school, though. After the psych eval last summer, we had been slowly working through additional evaluations and appointments related to Cora’s hearing, speech, and language abilities. Basically, we were working our way from Cora's ears into different regions of her brain, trying to catch problems along the path that sound waves traveled - entering Cora's head as vibrations in her ear canals, winding into her brain as phenomes, assembling into a stream of recognizable words, converting into meaning in entirely different areas of her brain, and eventually emerging again via her speech. I had no idea so many tiny things could go wrong in that process, but they can - and we can get pretty damn granular in order to figure that shit out when there’s a potential problem. Cora had some weird results here and there - we now know that overlapping speech is basically her Kryptonite, which explains a lot of meltdowns at family gatherings over the years. But on the whole, her ears and her brain are doing fine, and she doesn't have autism, either.
We had been lucky to get hooked up with the best child development team in the area - they were wonderful, and the process of more testing and visits seemed to reassure Cora (and us, honestly) that there was more help on the horizon, more answers soon. She started low-dose Zoloft for the anxiety and seemed a little happier; her anxiety about school was starting to morph into resignation and frustration, which actually seemed healthier in a way. "It takes time," they tell us. Her breakdown was in February. They wanted to see the report from the most recent evaluations. Fair enough; although it is not lost on me that I am paying an outside team to do the school's job, at least it's getting done.
Two weeks ago, we finally got the team's report - and the written words, "developmental dyslexia." The lead psychologist is going to meet with the 504 team at her school - he is wonderful and immediately understood so many of Cora's concerns and needs. I'm not exactly optimistic, but it's at least possible that this may result in accommodations/extra help in school. Cora thinks he walks on water and is so excited that he's going to "stand up for" her.
The report is detailed and confirmed a lot of what we suspected. She's a really bright kid - IQ around 120 with sky high mathematics and nonverbal problem-solving scores. She apparently discussed "conundrums that are complex and abstract in nature" during her sessions, with a "recognition that there is not necessarily a solution" to these mysterious issues. (LMAO....this is my weird and wonderful kid.) The report describes Cora as "delightful" - funny, self aware, and highly motivated to learn.
Her reading comprehension score was in the 90th percentile, essay composition in the 70th - spelling scores came in at the 25th percentile, which was no surprise. Pseudoword decoding was poor - she's in the 14th percentile - and it got worse from there. Cora has an oral reading fluency in the 9th percentile, a basic reading score in the 7th percentile, and a word reading score in the 4th percentile.
In fact, the essay composition score was the only "average" score among dozens of measures of her reading, writing, and language abilities - comprehension was universally excellent and decoding was universally abysmal. It was hard to read. It felt like a gut punch - looking at the single-digit scores, I finally realized the insane degree of effort it must have taken to finish her work and look happy doing it.
The developmental psychologist leading the team told us that it was unusual to see that stark of a difference - that the severity of her impairments are usually associated with average comprehension scores at best. I have tried to wade through research about these instruments, but decided to take his word for it. Typically, the deficits in her basic reading skills would set off a chain reaction of lower scores down the line - but Cora had brought her grades and tests scores up from an already high start at the beginning of the year.
"It's no wonder her anxiety symptoms are increasing - she's completely exhausted," he said. "Imagine what she could achieve with the right kind of help."
I realized then why Cora's high scores and good grades, so impressive to everyone else, were such a source of consternation for her. That chain reaction was still happening, getting in the way of what she was actually capable of achieving. She knew it, even if the rest of us didn't - she could do better with the right kind of help.
I honestly feel sick thinking about it. She never told anyone she was struggling, never asked for help - not from us, not from anyone at school, heck not from her former-literacy-teacher grandma. No one had any idea. My husband and I had actually encouraged her to slow down a little in the weeks before her panic attacks, just out of a general sense that something was brewing despite her repeated insistence she was doing fine. Turn in the worksheet a day late, three sentences is plenty, relax. Unthinkable, Cora insisted, she was fine.
So she's back at school, nothing has changed other than the glacially slow 504 process of "observation" occurring in the background sometimes, but she seems to be a bit less stressed. I can't tell if getting pissed off about the situation is helping her deal with it, if the Zoloft is taking the edge off, or if she's just masking harder now. Maybe all three. 18 more days of school and Cora is counting. them. down. Her teachers and support staff seem generally bewildered by the idea she is or was ever struggling. They were caught totally off guard when I abruptly pulled her out of school until we at least got them to commit to the 504 process – but we had been blindsided too. They saw a happy kid who was thriving academically until her parents pulled her out of school and started a process that no one seems particularly committed to finishing. Sometimes I think they don't believe us at all. Maybe I would feel the same way in their shoes, I don’t know. I think they’ll listen to the doctor.
The entire point of this post, though, was to ask about Cora’s second rejection from the local tutoring program. With summer approaching and the diagnosis of dyslexia (versus maybe-dyslexia, maybe-whatever-else-could-be-included-under-the-SLD-“umbrella”, which I am still unsure is even a thing), I've been looking into all sorts of options for tutoring. Summer is a good opportunity to try to start getting Cora some meaningful help without adding yet another thing to her plate. She's excited. We can build some tools before next year - if we know what works for her, we can be better advocates from Day 1.
So I resubmitted Cora's application - I still had my original email and I just attached the shiny new report to that, explaining where to find the magic D word that I fully expected would finally open a door where Cora could get the right kind of help. This new report was more granular with reading testing, but the dyslexia diagnosis was the one really substantive change. It included Cora's ADHD and anxiety diagnoses, as did the report I submitted with our initial application, but with new information about medication and treatment for these issues - progress!
(I would like to point out at this point that ADHD and anxiety are firmly established as two of the most common comorbid diagnoses for kids with dyslexia, and that anxiety symptoms in particular can occur because of the challenges caused by dyslexia. My daughter had full-blown panic attacks at 10 years old largely because she struggles to FUCKING READ and no one was helping her. I know I am preaching to what little choir is likely left at this point in my novel. But especially as someone who was medicated/treated for depression and anxiety for 20 years before anyone agreed to test for, diagnose, and treat the ADHD symptoms that were causing me to regularly fuck up my life in really depressing and stressful ways…..this chicken and egg shit really hits a nerve.)
Anyhoo, it had taken 8 months and a lot of work, but I had finally done this one cool thing for her - Cora was going to get the right kind of help. The school year is almost over, but at least we had this one success. The obstacle that I’m still not sure was warranted in the first place – the lack of the word dyslexia in the initial evaluation – had been checked off what was now a giant list of obstacles in Cora's path.
And thanks to the generosity of people who had probably heard and experienced a lot of similar, frustrating stories, our family could focus on paying off the bills accumulated in the process of getting to this point instead of adding more to the pile. Free is always good, but sometimes free is a godsend.
Twelve hours later, Cora was denied again, this time via a brief email simply noting the GAD diagnosis in both reports. "Our tutors are not trained to work with children who are diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorders" and they "cannot meet her needs."
That was it. No further explanation. Just…fuck your anxious baby girl who is trying so hard and fuck you for trying. NEXT!
Oh, and P.S., fuck the really significant percentage of kids with dyslexia with comorbid anxiety diagnoses who are incredibly well researched and described in just…all of the fucking literature. Just all of it, honestly, for decades. Fuck those kids too.
People seem to treat the word "dyslexia" like it's the only thing that matters sometimes but also not something that should be ever said in other contexts, AND I'm pretty fucking sure that "SLD with reading impairment" is essentially equivalent to the word dyslexia because no one can explain what else might be under that "umbrella," and apparently it's nigh impossible to get meaningful help for my daughter through the public school systems anywhere in America, and giant nonprofits care about kids with dyslexia so much, but not the anxious ones, better lock the doors before those crybabies get their needs all over our tutoring center!
We will figure out how to pay for help for Cora, that’s a given.
But honest to fucking god, have you guys just been putting up with this shit the whole time? I'm so sorry.

I just finished Level 4 of the TTMIK paid course and have been reflecting. The first half of level 4 was the most difficult yet. I was beginning to feel like perhaps the curriculum was rushed, but then about half-way through, things fell into place and I experienced a bit of a turning point and the grammar rules started to really make sense. I can't really put it into words other than sentences just began to sound "correct". I really appreciate the word builder lessons. You know how when you learn a new word, you suddenly start hearing it everywhere? Well, with the world builder lessons, you suddenly start hearing many words and while you might not know exactly what they mean, you have some context that is really helpful in deciphering what you hear. I also had subscribed to TTMIK stories prior to level 4 and it was a slog. I started over a few days ago and now it is at the right level. While your mileage may vary, for me, level 4 is a good place to begin this additional piece. I also incorporated Glossika into my studies during level 4. I think this was a good time to add in Glossika too, because I was already familiar with basic vocabulary and sentence structure. Glossika is really helping with reading as well, which is an unforeseen benefit. One other helpful material at this level has been the Billy Go conversation series (highly recommend). I also just ordered the Yosei Korean level 1-1 textbook and I'm going to start working on that as I launch into level 5. Just keep swimming!