Prednisone dosage for back pain

Hi,
I just had Varicocele embolization for my grade 3 with coils after much hesitation. Great experience. No pain, and I don't feel any particular pain after the procedure either. Slight discomfort just. Can recommend the procedure.
Now two questions:
1: My veins in the scrotum still dilate more when standing up than lying down after embolization. Is this normal?
2: Can I do lighter stretching like free hanging to stretch my back? There is no strain involved in doing it, but I of course also by doing that stretch out the lower abdominal/inguinal area where the coils are situated. Is there any risk to displacing/migrating the coils by doing that?

Hi guys, this is my first post on here, sorry if it’s a long one. 24 year old here. I’m in the beginning stages of being officially diagnosed with endo and I’ve been a silent watcher on this thread and it has been a great resource for me so I wanted to share myself after a disappointment of an visit today.
Backstory, I first went to my OB last year in May 2023 for stabbing pelvic pain during my period and ovulation, bleeding between periods, and other symptoms I’m now noticing (GI issues, bladder pain/bowel movement pain, and severe fatigue), and shooting rectal pain. I actually switched to a male OB after being gaslit by a female OB. I saw him in May for an ultrasound and exam, and the ultrasound was normal which I figured. Upon exam he said he could feel lesions (I think he called it uterosacral nodules?) in my cul de sac and he was pretty sure I have endometriosis but didn’t want to do unnecessary surgery on me and cause me more pain.
He (of course) recommended birth control to slow the growth of endo and “preserve my future fertility” since I don’t have any kids yet. I started them for 2 weeks but then stopped since I started getting awful mood side effects. I had bad side effects from OCPs in college and am still trying to heal my body from it.
I’ve also been having some spotting lately so he did another scan (which showed nothing) and offered either to do nothing, start OCPs, or do a saline ultrasound to see if anything was missed on my last scan. I chose the saline ultrasound. I just had the SIS done today (which hurt, bad) which I know won’t show endo, but just to rule other things out. Results were normal. He again suggested northeindrone(?) birth control and I kindly declined. It has ended here.
I guess what I want your guys thoughts on is where do I go from here? I feel stuck. I do not feel like my endo is very severe, I feel it is likely stage I, maybe stage II. But I just don’t know if I just give it a rest from now on until it gets worse and I need more intervention? I’m afraid of taking birth control but I also don’t want unnecessary surgery that might make my pain worse (and it doesn’t sound like he would want to perform it since he just said it’ll grow back). Do I just leave it alone for now and cope with the symptoms? They are manageable still.
Thoughts?

This is super long but I need help badly.
I (f24) recently married the love of my life (m27). We had been together for 6 years before getting married. I’m mentally ill (Bipolar, ADHD, Anxiety, PTSD) but have been very stable for a year, even though I had an episode a few months ago. I used to use drugs and I’ve attempted suicide before. He’s been with me through it all. After he proposed, we had a long talk about me explaining that I need help. I basically gave him an out. I told him that I will do everything I can for us, but that I’ll need more from him than he will from me. He agreed and I reminded him that I’m stable now and that could change. But he’s lied to me a lot and won’t communicate.
I’ve worked really hard to get him to communicate with me, but he doesn’t do a great job at it. He’ll get upset over small things and take his anger out on me by being cold. I encouraged him to read a marriage book that my counselor recommended and he says he will but I have to constantly remind him. He also lies to me, which I’ve asked him not to. He’s also asked me to share less and less personal stuff with him. Like if I’m feeling suicidal or feel like self harming or any fights with my parents. Recently, I suggested we go to his parent’s house for Mother’s Day because I know he’s been missing his mom. It’s extremely stressful for me and I get severe anxiety with his family since I’m still learning their language and they don’t speak mine. We were running late, but he’s Hispanic so his family hadn’t even started on dinner by the time we were supposed to be there. I was taught by my parents to show up on time. I was taught by my husband and his family to show up whenever. So I asked my husband if I could have time to curl my hair and it would make us 20 extra minutes late. He said yes but I double checked and his answered stayed the same. He started acting weird, quiet, and stressed. It started stressing me out but we left. Then we stopped by the store to get flowers but they had none so he came into the car and slammed the door. It scared me so I teared up and he kept saying, “Let’s go home, I don’t want to go anymore.” I wanted to go home but I knew that he didn’t so I apologized for crying, put on his favorite song, scratched his back, and told him I’m going to continue driving to his parent’s and if he really wants to go home, tell me. He didn’t say anything and I was trying not to cry, but I was upset I ruined it and I was extremely overwhelmed. We got to his parent’s, he gave me a hug, then said “sorry.” He went inside like nothing was wrong so I acted happy too. We were only supposed to stay for 2 hours. 1.5 hours in my stomach started hurting bad so I asked my husband if we could leave. He said yes but we ended up staying 3 hours. On the drive home, he said that it was me curling my hair that made him stressed. I was really angry. We came home and he asked if I needed to vent about what was going on and that he wouldn’t get upset. I basically told him that he’s been rude to me lately, not taking care of me, and not appreciating the things I do. I explained how tonight he lied to me into thinking that something was okay, because he said it was okay, but he takes his anger out on me for it. He got very upset and told me he’s going out of town for work for 3 days. I told him I’m not okay with that. Going out of town for work is a rare thing and optional. Last time he did it, he didn’t tell me until I called him at the time he was supposed to be home (6pm) and he said he’s not coming home until 4am. When that happened, I asked him that next time he communicate it with me and accept trips no longer than 2 days. He agreed then. He basically told me that he wasn’t asking and he needs this to get away from me and he’ll be leaving Wednesday and come back early Friday. I told him we should compromise and he just ignored me. This all happened on Mother’s Day.
A few days ago, my mom got in a really bad car accident. I asked him to cancel his trip so he could help me with her and he said no and made up some bs excuse. I called out the excuse and told him to tell me the truth and he said he needs this. So I said okay and dropped it. Then last night I see him packing and ask him why he’s packing if he’s not leaving until Wednesday. He told me he’s leaving on Tuesday. I break down into tears and tell him this is not how relationships work. You can’t just do things on your own, lie, and not communicate and expect things to be okay. I also found out he gets back late Friday night. I felt heartbroken and had a panic attack. He asked me if there’s anything he can do to help and I told him he can cancel the trip and use $300 to take a weekend for himself at a hotel. It’s a fair compromise. At least I’ll be prepared for that. I needed his help on Tuesday (today) and had a plan to have a fun night together so I don’t bother him with any of my problems while I’m gone. He said no he’s going on the trip. He told me a month ago that because he does so much for me, he feels like he shouldn’t have to compromise. I started crying harder and told him that this isn’t good for my mental health and he starts punching the couch and then goes into our room and slams the door. I just sit on the couch afraid to move and afraid to make it worse. I convinced myself that the greatest gift I could give him is peace and just tell him it’s okay if he goes. I went in to tell him that and he replies that he “doesn’t care.” I told him I have some requests. I want him to text me every morning, have a 30 minute minimum phone call every night, that he reads the book for at least 30 minutes daily, that he attends a counseling session with me, and when he comes home for the weekend he apologizes and treats me better than he’s ever treated me. Most importantly, I asked that he would be kind to me that night so we could have a good memory. He said he can’t just pretend nothing’s wrong and be nice to me. He said he’s mad at himself, not me. I told him that he’s taking it out on me. He finally was nice. I asked for his help creating a plan in case I feel suicidal since my therapist is away for 2 weeks. He wouldn’t help me with it. That’s how we ended the night. I woke up this morning in pain. I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t complete my responsibilities. He texted me good morning but they were just words. His words are meaningless and I got angry and said some things I regret. Like sending him a picture of his vows and calling them lies. He told me he would call me 3 hours ago but he hasn’t. I feel so much anger towards him but I need to keep it inside or else I’ll make the situation worse.
I truthfully want to kill myself. I feel like our relationship is over. I’ve been thinking of going to a hospital but I can’t miss work because he wants to get out of our current living situation and every dollar counts.
I don’t know how to make him communicate or be honest with me. He’s not always like this. For example, we had a great weekend together and he took such good care of me. When he acts like this, it can trigger a minor episode since I’m medicated because of all the stress. Which sucks because I need his support more and he withholds it. It all feels like a punishment for the venting I did.
I’m sorry this is long but I need some type of advice, hope, reassurance, or something to make me not want to die. I’m off today and can’t imagine going into work tomorrow or the next 2 days. I’m a registered behavior technician (RBT) that works with an autistic client. I’m so depressed how am I supposed to help anyone else?

Well..untill months ago,I really had it all.I met my beloved one back in 2020,I fell in love deeply,probably the very first time I ever loved someone completely,trully,without expectations,without any interest beside his pure nature,personality,intimacy,compatibilty,trust,etc..And he showed in actions more than words that we were feeling exactly the same way about each other.He had to leave due his military life,I thought I wouldnt survive,so much pain,from being apart. He promised find a way to come back,But wasnt a sure thing,so we couldnt be a relationship,cause we didnt know if we could ever meet again.Meanwhile,he was having other ppl out there,and I also tried my best to move on.I couldnt obviously.Then one year and half later,he did came back,and was the most absolutely wonderful thing that ever happened ,he brought me back to life.We decided never be apart again,and commited completely to each other.Was a perfect year for us,I felt loved,he also said that we had it perfect,making plans day and night,fully comminted to each other.Then,when I planned and paid a wonderful summer vacation on a amazing beach hotel,he started to treat me like shit,complaining about everything,etc,which was shocking ,he was the sweetest,and most humble guy ever,all about simple things,and no matter how tired,bad weather,drunk he was,he was wonderful to me.Accusing me of talking to other ppl,critising everything,paranoid,grabing my phone etc.Till I saw by accident while he was scrolling angry,pic with a ugly" woman" (i thought it was a man at first,)he claimed he never had anything with her,and just forgot to delete it.Clearly lie,i saw he posted pic with her before when we werent together,which was painful,cause he never even posted anything about me.Anywayss..I went nuts ofc,all the bad treatment,accusations,while I was paying for a great time and doing all I could to cheer him up,and put up with that bad mood.He got a lil better in the following months,but never got back to normal;till a month ago,he snaped.Serioulsy,he doesnt even look or sound like the same person,constantly criticizing everything I do,(all I do is try to make him happy,reassure him,validating him,and not do the things he dont like),I literally stopped a huge list of things that are my passion,I changed my work for a low payer one ,that I cant barely pay my bills,cause he was too jealous and said that my job was the only thing he hates.I dont even like myself now.I was happy,funny,loved life,dancing,spontaneous,smart,talkative,super smiling..Recently all I do is crying.He called me all kinds of stuff,that I still cant believe it.He hide his phone at all costs,and the only time I asked to see ,he snaped even harder,like never before,I lost my mind completely,and had a few nervous and mental breakdowns, the last time was the worst,I destroyed my apt while kicking him out,cause I saw messages,, when I asked to check ,he deleted the recent conversations with exes that he claims was before was.So;all the accusasions,poor treatment,broke promises,lies,etc,he still playing the victm.But keep saying he loves me.I love him.I cant believe I am putting up to all this,I am just confused. He changed,I really cannot recognize him,and it wasnt scalating,was really from one day to another.I dont know wt to do.

Hi all,
I'm a parent of an autistic pre-teen who is really struggling with their mental health. They are in a therapeutic school setting, the staff is amazing, loving, very supportive and genuinely care about my child. However, the peer group is very often none of these. All the children in this setting have been placed there because they struggle with the same issues, although most of them are not autistic.
My child is very bright, kind, and funny but of course struggles to connect with their peers. They are aware they don't quite fit in but don't know/understand why. I know some autistic people are fine with few close friends but in this case they desperately want to fit in and have friends so it's especially painful. The classmates are often verbally abusive, and frequently get in actual physical altercations. Thankfully my child does not physically fight but can absolutely say horrible things to others and even more often about themselves.
The negative self-talk and near lack of any self-esteem is a huge struggle. A bad med reaction really set off the ideation and school requested we take them in for a psych eval which did nothing. We have switched meds but it's only been a few weeks. We kept them home for a bit but sent them back to school yesterday. My child is continually thinking/talking about the negative things they've been told by classmates. It's not possible to keep them home or homeschool as we both work and don't feel safe leaving the child home alone with all that's been said by them to us, school staff and the counselor.
So long question short, what can we do or say to help our child feel better about themselves? I have never personally struggled with depression although my spouse has and is likely also autistic. We are very positive in our interactions, supportive of whatever interests and hyper fixations our child has. I'm terrified they are struggling so much and life has barely started. Any suggestions or advice for my child will be welcome. You all could even write to them personally and I will share it. We love them so much and sincerely believe they will be successful in life.
Thank you if you've read this far!

I created this account, to vent some of my frustration. I won't be commenting, looking, or editing it after I post. No, I'm not a bot, but sometimes I wish I was.
One of my best friend tried to kill himself, he left a farewell message which wasn't supposed to be interpretted as that, but I understood. I called every hospital in the area looking for his name, until I found one. When I went to visit him, I wasn't sure if I'd be finding him dead or alive. I worked up the courage to walk into the room, and found that he was surprised to see me. With so much frustration and anger in my mind, I just started yelling at him, wondering what the fuck he was thinking and why he didn't just call me. He couldn't answer, but a tear rolled down his cheek and my anger subsided and turned into grief, depression, then sorry. I asked him, why and he said told me I knew why. He struggled with major depression for years, like me. I tried my best to be a friend and help him out of that hole, but nothing I did would help. I thought maybe if I put my depression to the side and helped him with his I'd find a way of curing my own. I was never overt with any of the actions, I lent out a helping hand when neeeded and hung out with him when he was down. We've both had terrible traumas— his from neglect and financial issues, and mine from abuse and bullying, but I thought because we both suffered we would be able suffer together. I visitied him when his family was there as I was the nuclear detterent. I watched his mother and brother hurl insults at eachother while I tried to lighten the mood, the brother cared for him, the mother didn't. It seemed like she was there, just to say she showed up. I've known her for a while, she's callous, she always has a couple boyfriends on her side, but she never tries to keep them around. When the brother and the mother were around the entire room was filled with a negative aura and you can feel it, it was never pleasant and when I left tensions only raised. I visited him when work allowed me to, but after he was transferred to the psych ward, my schedule didn't fit in with any of the visitation hours so I never could. When he left the psych ward, what followed were days of him visiting my workplace during my lunch hours telling me that he would attempt it again, "it could happen any day now." My words seemed so hollow and breathless as I tried to sounding them out. I questioned myself, "What could I say? What could I do? Why is he telling me this?" This happened almost everyday for a couple of months, he would visit me and utter the same words. One day, I asked him, "How do you want me to respond to this" and to his non-challant reply was, "I don't know take it as you well." He was always forgetful, so I hoped he would forget about me too. Some nights we would get boba and he would tell me I was part of the reason he did it. I didn't know how to respond and I still don't. What did I do? I was completely and utterly drained of any emotions, sadness, depression, anger, grief. He was a boa constrictor wrapping it's body around mine smothering me to death. Nothing mattered to me, and so one day, I left without saying a word. He is still alive and hasn't tried anything since then, to which I am thankful. But I never answered his texts or calls. In this rough patch, I started unravelling because everything around me was unfolding.
I was still talking to the above friend, during this time when I got a call from my brother, "She's in the ER because she OD'D. Can you bring some blankets?" He was completely devoid of any urgency or emotion, I understand he doesn't handle them very well, but the calmness of voice only irritated me and made my bite my tongue til I bled. My mind was blank as I sped down the highway at 100mph. I remember the flickering lights as I paced through the hallway, a nurse recognized me from my personal life, but I brushed her off saying that I didn't know her as she was part of our church. Our family is conservative and if this got out, then all eyes would be on us with looks of disappointment and shame. I couldn't tell anyone. I hesitated, a roller coaster of emotions overwhelmed me as I grew closer and closer to the room. The same ones that had enveloped me with my best friend, but this one was brought on by so much shame. "How didn't I see this coming? What sort of brother am I, that I can't protect my only sister? Please... Please... Please.. don't be dead." I stopped in the hallway, where my brother stood and he just said he was getting a sandwhich. I watched him go as he walked away, not an ounce of grief, but after I saw him I noticed there was confusion and sadness in his face, but his words remained neutral as if he were trying to keep it together. I approached the door and hesitated right before going in, rubbing tears that were running down my face and collecting myself the best way I could. I saw her lying there, so helpless, barely alive, and struggling to breathe. My stomach sunk, my heart dropped, and my lungs collapsed. No physical pain, no abuse I had suffered, no moment would have prepared me for this, but as I looked at her she looked at me. I walked over and remarked, "This is because I didn't kill the spider, isn't it?" She laughed in pain the best she could, and my Dad added into and gave me a small slap on the head laughng as well. I saw her arms and saw the cuts and how deep they were. The heart monitor started fading and transforming into ringing within my ears. I sat down and talked to my Mom and Dad to see what we needed. They asked for blankets, which I forgot, and something to eat. I told them to go home as I'd just stay here to watch over her. They both said no at first, but my Dad reluctantly agreed after realizing there was no one to watch his business the next day. I nearly lost my mind. Your daughter is laying here in the ER, and you still need someone to watch the business? I volunteered to do it, but I stayed in the hospital until the I had to leave as I watch the seconds turn into minutes, the minutes to hours. The clock has never moved that slow before, I felt like I was frozen in every moment. It was only after I had learned she was raped three times. My blood boiled, my face turned hot, as I was heading to my car demanding who did it. He'd done this mutliple times. throughout the year, and I had no idea. I reached a point where I stormed out of my house, but my brother asked me where I was going. I told him that I was going to find him, and beat the living shit out of them. He stopped me and told me, that that's why she didn't tell me. I didn't understand it it all, why he wasn't hopping into the car with me to this mother fuckers house after knowing all of this. He didn't want me to know because I'd go over to the hospital demanding her and asking her who did it. He was right. I calmed down, but if he wasn't there I would have found the fucker and I would have beaten the living shit out of them. I told my best friend what happened, and he tried to keep me calm and tried to get my mind off of things. We went to a friends birthday party and I could still hear the heart monitor ringing as I watched everyone have fun, eat, and party over this friends birthday. I felt like an extra, just playing the part of someone who's there to be there. I laughed and made jokes, but this hole in my chest kept getting wider and wouldn't close. I hadn't slept in three days, and the pain was like I was being eaten alive without being able to scream in agony. When we returned to the hospital, she was moved to a different facility, because she wasn't needed in the ER any longer. The nurses asked me to leave as they said that visiting hours were over, but they fell upon empty ears. I wasn't moving. I stayed there all night, and woke up the next morning. I don't remember falling asleep, I just blacked out at one point. I could tell you that when I woke up, all I saw where white walls, white floors, and white sheets. The typical hospital smell that filled the air with ammonia as it burned through my lungs. The heart monitor started to lose it's preptual ring and began to sound normal again. None of these details are important, but I remember them so well as if I'm living that moment right now. This was my second close call. She was home within the next week, but this trauma made our family a lot closer— but, there's a new edition to the family in the shape of an elephant, he doesn't speak to us and we don't speak to him, but he's always there. I haven't been able to look at her the same way, because I'm not sure what will set her off, and the scars on her arms still make me sick to the stomach.
My second best friend was tearing at the seams while all this was happening and I was trying to get his life back together, but something just wasn't clicking with him. I saw him descend into an abyss that I couldn't pull him out of, he started stalking his ex, binge drinking at work, in public, etc. , doing more and more drugs. I went to his rented out room where the landlord would help him do his laundry, cook for him, allow him to have pets even though she was against it. She was kind to him, and I had hoped that might have had some affect on his mental state, but he couldn't get out of his head. He nose dived and I tried to bring him back up, but I couldn't so I gave up. I was emotionally and physically exhausted from everything, in a puddle of a quicksand trying to get out, the more I resisted the further it pulled me down. I was in a boxing match with hit after hit after hit, I just couldn't stand it anymore, but this man gave me a family when mine abused me, he gave me a home when I didn't want to go back to mine, he allowed me to express myself and be free when I was in a position where everyone wanted to chain me, he became a friend when I needed one the most. I pleaded with my group to look after him a little bit more, we could take shifts, but no one cared or wanted to listen. "You can't help someone who can't help themselves." After his nose dive, I told him I couldn't do this anymore and I'd rather kill myself to watch him destroy himself, so I stopped speaking to him— after all, you can't help someone who can't help himself. I removed myself from the group and started working on myself. It had been a year since we last talked, he wrote one story on Instagram that caught my attention, "Maybe everyone was right about me." By this time, I had finally collected myself, I was in a good place, and I had every intention of talking with him again and helping him get back on track if I could, whether it be reaching out or just treating him like a person as if it were a typical Tuesday. As I was typing in the words, I stopped myself and said I needed a little bit more time. I was in the midst of a massive project at work that needed to be completed in two days. The next day, I got a text from one of the mutal friends in the group I had left, "He's dead. They found his body in his room." I stared at the phone for a few seconds. My mind blank. I just put my phone down and kept working.
I haven't talked to a therapist about any of this, but I have mentioned it. None of them seem interested in exploring it so it must not be that important, but I feel the need to get this burden off my chest. These three events happened concurrently, and after the dusk settled, I looked closer into all of the close relationships I had, and how many of my closest friends had ended up hurting themselves in a way to "heal." Nearly all of them. They would vent their struggles to me, and I always became an ear because people just need to be heard. Maybe they had problems before I met them, maybe they didn't. I'm probably stretching my own importance in their lives, but the nagging tick that bothers me is that I feel like I am the common denominator.

In the last few weeks I noticed one of my cats was having labored breathing, she was kind of a feisty cat so if you pet her or interacted with her she would get worked up pretty easily and she was really good at hiding any symptoms, so it was hard to tell at first if something was wrong, but I started to notice it when she was sleeping and she started to lose weight, we immediately scheduled a vet visit.
She was acting completely normal, eating drinking, playing. Only hard breathing and weight loss...
She was 7 years old..
We took her to the vet and they gave her some shots for breathing, she was even purring..
It was too late, when we got home she laid down and just stopped breathing.
I'm totally In shock, I've had cats die before but not all of a sudden right after a vet visit, I feel so bad, like we made her synptoms worse by driving her to the vet and back, I feel like she could've had a few more days of life or maybe she was in pain and now it's over :/
I'm really at a loss for words, we still have her brother and they used sit and clean each other , now she is gone.
I can't get the image of her limp body out of my head and its an absolutely awful feeling if helplessness.
Rest in Peace Mary Jane, we will love you til the end of our days :(

Going to DC for work this summer, plan on training at Standard in the evenings, but probably can't make it out to a suburb and back on lunch. Looking to see if there are any places nearer the urban core (I'll be staying in dupont circle) that have lunch classes. It looks like most DC places don't post their schedules, which is a giant pain in my ass.

I am a 41 year old female. I’m 5’3 and 140lbs. No surgical history. Im not on any medication. Baseline HR runs high in the 100’s and my blood pressure runs on the low side. Recent cholesterol tests are all within normal healthy ranges. I’m a registered nurse. I suffer from pretty bad anxiety. My health anxiety has worsened after losing my mother to a sudden heart attack and then needing to be on ECMO and ultimately dying.
Three days ago I woke up with a very stiff neck on my left side and pain in my upper back and shoulder. Again all my left side. Can you see where this is going? Haha it’s made worse by lying on that side and turning my neck to the left and certain movements but it’s always present as a dull ache for the past 3 days.
I know the signs of a heart attack. I know when I would need to go to the hospital. I’m just terrified everything is cardiac related now after losing my mom. I did a fair amount of gardening and yard work and I think that it’s prob a pulled muscle of some sort. I used a heat pack and that seems to help a lot.
I’m consumed with the fear that I’m going to die like my mom. I talk to a therapist about this but it’s still so difficult.
Is this most likely a pulled muscle? I have no other cardiac symptoms (no non typical, “women” heart attack symptoms either) I’m a nurse so I know I cannot be guaranteed that if someone says I’m prob fine that I won’t drop dead tomorrow from heart attack haha but I’m looking for even a shred of reassurance to help me back from my anxiety ledge.
I really appreciate any input.

I just wanted to thank you all for all the support. I've read so much negativity and pain here, so I wanted to give out some positivity!
First of all to the mods. I'm very grateful for your service in creating and maintaining this safe place for us victims. I appreciate your work! I'm sure many others do as well! It has probably saved many lives from suicide. So please keep it up.
I'm a 17 year old with suicidal thoughts at the beginning. This community has gotten me back on track and I'm so grateful for that!
I feel like I am 40% healed from this horrible experience and will be taking a break from Reddit to forget what happened. I will be back for a three month update.
I was able to help some people mentally and it just made me feel like a better person. This is also something that helped me a lot. I started to see my own value as a human being again.
(Btw, I do NOT offer any services, just to be clear)
So thanks for everything. I'm very grateful to you for helping me!

I'm changing my testosterone formulation from testosterone cypionate every 2 weeks, to either testosterone undecanoate or the pellets for a longer formulation, my current testosterone doctor doesn't have either, so I'm having to reach out to a different endocrinologist. I reached out to them and they need a referral with "the full 9 yards" of medical history before they can schedule an appointment, so I just asked my testosterone doctor to do that, waiting to hear back from them.
I scheduled myself for a top surgery consultation, I was seeing someone else who is in my city but they want me to lose weight so I am trying someone who people say doesn't have a max BMI. I am a new patient so there was a lot of back and forth and making a chart and all of that. Finally, I have my consult, August 6th at 9:30am in a city 2-3 hours away from me. Just need a therapist letter before then, which I called them and they should have it by then, I have a good responsible therapist. I'm excited to have something going again in the top surgery department, but nervous because I never driven that far before and had been in that city like 5 times.
I am also seeing a gynecologist for a consult for a (hopefully complete) hysterectomy on June 27th at 8am in my city.
And I'm seeing a weight loss specialist, even though I may not need them for surgery anymore, I do need the metformin and topamax, the metformin is good for my insulin resistance and the topamax is good for my pain and the side effect is weight loss.
Just so many doctors, Who knew medical transition would involve so many doctors?

I (33M) am a novice indoor rower. I do not have any aspirations of competing and am not particularly physically fit, but love it as a form of exercise. My technique is decent, but I think I've exhausted what googling and random websites can do for me, and lower back pain is starting to prevent me from doing longer (30m+) steady-state sessions.
Are there any other rowers who could recommend somewhere I could get some coaching? I am hoping a few sessions could get me up to speed, and would prioritize something inexpensive over the highest quality coaching, all else considered.

Hi, I (27F) have had two microdiscectomies on L4-L5 over the last 4 years. Long story short, the first one was successful and gave me my life back. I developed a rare condition that paralyzed my stomach in 2021. So after four stomach surgeries in a matter of a year and losing weight rapidly, the theory is that my core was weakened and I somehow reherniated my disc last April 2023. After PT and injections with no improvement and due to my limited pain management options as opioids slow down my gastric emptying even more I got my second microdiscectomy in July 2023. This time the pain did not get better after surgery.
I got an MRI in September 2023 and the disc was still herniated and pressing on nerves. I didn't have horrible sciatica but the pressure I felt in my back was a 7-8/10 on the pain scale daily. I was debating between a fusion or disc replacement (I have had multiple different opinions and consultations with surgeons).
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I had a vacation planned for over a year and I was in SC, I live in WI, and I stepped off of a curb and felt tremendous nerve pain and it brought me to my knees. I couldn't put my shoes on or lift my legs for a few days. I started steroids immediately but that didn't help. Under the advice of the telemed health provider I was seeing/my neurosurgeon in WI, I went to the emergency room for an MRI. It is standard, I was told, to get a full MRI of the spine if it is an emergent MRI which I have never had because I have only had issues in my lumbar region. While in the machine, the tech comes over the loudspeaker and asks me if I have ever been told I have an extra vertebrae, to which I replied no. Once I was out of the machine she showed me the image and counted with me, told me she counted 30 times, reshot some images and had three other colleagues look at my MRI to confirm. So technically I have an L6 but no one would have been able to tell that by just looking at my lumbar region.
I see my neurosurgeon tomorrow and am wondering if anyone else has ever had this happen to them?

My sweet Kirby was just over 3 years old. She lived a difficult life.
We originally adopted two bunnies from the same litter and were told they were both boys. We found out in the months to come that one was definitely not a boy. Most of the baby bunnies were adopted, but two of them had disabilities and were never adopted. Kirby, and her brother Hazel, were born without the use of their back legs, while Kirby was also partially blind. The vet described it as being able to see through dirty glasses.
She was the most lovey little bunny you ever met. She hated being picked up unless you brought her up to your face where she could nuzzle under your chin. That was her happy place.
She hasn't been eating for the past 24 hours when she usually goes to her food bowl as fast as she can when she hears the ruffling of the bag. I notice her back end is swollen and red. I immediately made an appointment and got her in as quickly as I could.
Upon examination, the vet said she had blockage in her stomach. Possibly a tumor or hardened poop. With her back legs not able to support her back end, things can't flow properly. Things eventually became blocked and she could no longer poop. The vet and I decided together that quality of life isn't there and the best option was to have her euthanized.
I know she isn't in pain, but I sure am. The vet said it was amazing that she was able to make it this long. I hope she enjoyed her short time on this earth because it meant everything to me to have her here.
RIP my Sweet Princess Kirby

When I was a kid, I knew this guy whom I considered "friend" who had raped me for years. And I didnt even know what it was. I had supressed that memory for the longest time. I have been SAd as a teen too a few times and I always recognized what those were. Only around the time I was 18, I suddenly had that realization. And I have grown more insecure and depressed since then. I have never been someone who would stand up for myself or confront the people who did it. I have always just frozen up, not knowing what to do. And it had made me think that its all my fault, and made me even more depressed and even suicidal.
a few months back, I was SAd again which was pretty bad and left me trauamatized more because the guy who did it later on pretended nothing happened and continued to humiliate me by making jokes in front of people. Which was super embarassing. This time too I just was in denial for a few days before I went on to feeling guilty and hating myself and blaming myself, yet again. But then recently I realized that that man had a girlfriend, so if I cant stand up for myself, I should atleast warn her or do something at least. But then I found out that she had broken up with him, so now I have decided against it.
And when this wasnt enough, I had another shit experience (on which I really need help from you guys) where a friend I had been talking with for some months almost SAd me (I think, I need to know this from you guys too because its too confusing to me and this person was a friend so Idk what to think) when we were both drunk. He had been a polite and nice friend for some time. So it left me pretty confused when he tried to kiss and well... I really dont want to go into detail but if it might help, he didnt do anything other than trying to hold me down or get me inside the room when I kept running away from him and pushing him. He wasnt aggressive about it but I was still so scared. It was horrible. It wasnt as traumatizing as the previous one was but this was done by a person I considered a nice friend. Who respected me. If I hadnt run away from that room I dont know what could have happened.
And the worst part is, he is friends with a very close friend. And I dont really want to tell the close friend because what if it ruins things between them. And what if he doesnt believe me or doesnt realize the extent of what I felt or am still feeling. Y'all have to understand that it just made me feel worse about myself. I dont know how to explain it. I dont even know if this can even count in SA. because nothing really happened. Except a kiss or two or him trying to feel me up. Thats it. This isnt the worst that has happened to me but it still has left a scar. Which I dont understand. And then I have to spend all my time now when I see him and talk with him and others in our friend circle and pretend nothing has happened. and be friends with him still as well. Because I cant really do anything about it. Almost all my life I always had to pretend nothing has happened and still I have not learned anything. This all has fucked up with my brain for some time now and only has brought back so many painful memories that I always suppress.
You wont believe that when I was pushing him away, I was worried more for him than I was for me. Ofcourse I was very scared and felt disgusted but I was worried for him too. Because he was drunk. and I was too (I kind of sobered up when I went into that truama mode and wanted to run away) But I was worried he will feel shame or guilt. Because I am not someone who likes to lose people at all. And I dont know what would have happened. But then I think that fuck him, he should feel shame and regret. But then again, he is a friend. Not a close friend but a friend still.
And above all, the close friend is good friends with him. Probably better friends with him than with me. And I dont really know what to do about it. Because is my experience not worth telling or talking about as a truamatic event if nothing really happened. Will it even matter if I tell that friend or someone else because in the end, nothing really happened. So should I even be bothered to tell him? Because I cant really see the close friend being such good friends with someone who was so horrible to me. But then again, we were both drunk. So is it really even anyone's fault? Is this even as big of a deal as I am making out it to be? I have absolutely no idea how to deal with this. I would really really appreciate some advice. If you need anymore info on this, I am happy to provide them. Except the details of the SA/rape.

Hi everyone,
I am a 22 year old male with a history of weightlifting/bodybuilding. Unfortunately, I have had back back pain for about 2.5 years. I have been through physical therapy, MRIs, lots of rest, the whole nine yards. But nothing has really helped and my condition over time seems to just get worse. My doctor in march told me that I could potentially have AS, so he ran tests and they all came back negative. Inflammation markers came back normal, my HLAb27 gene is negative, my rheumatoid factor is negative, etc. It is also worth mentioning that any MRI or Xray that I have gotten in the past has come back perfect. Additionally, all other tests (general tests) suggest that I am in damn near perfect health. I am 5'10 180 pounds and I have very low bodyfat. I get really bad flare ups whenever I train legs or whenever I drive or run or work my core hard.
I have an appointment with a rheumatologist in about 2 weeks and I am stuck on what I should do. On one hand, driving is usually painful and my commute to work will be about an hour to and from work everyday. NSAIDS dont really help with my pain, and I have looked into biologics which look sorta scary. Besides the pain, there are no actual tests or evidence that suggest that I have AS, which makes me reluctant to get the biologics medicine (even though I technically havent been diagnosed yet, but my own research makes me believe that is it very possible that I could have this condition). But on the other hand, I have a super high tolerance for pain. I can go through hell and pretend like I am normal. I just dont know how much longer I can keep up this facade.
I just want my life back. I want to be able to go workout before work, kill it during the work day, and then come home and relax like I used to. However, this condition makes it hard to do normal things. I cant even run without my back hurting like hell. Anyone have any direction on what I should do?

16M, I have for the most part decent attendance, the only reason I have absences is either a sick day but my mom forgot to give me a doctors note or I was late because of my bus, My mom is sick of driving me and paying for ubers if I miss the bus so she made an empty threat of saying she will make me walk of I was ever late again, cut to today and I was late, I woke up but had stomach issues. ended up missing my bus and I couldn't contact my mom for 2 reasons. 1, she would kill me and I'm convinced she would make me walk or call me and Uber but ground me when I got back, 2 even if I wanted to contact her I couldn't because I was so panic-stricken I couldn't find her new number in my phone. I hate using the school bathroom because my school has an issue with vape kids, attempted drug use, drugs, fights, etc. The school locked down the bathrooms and now has security watching them and we have a limit. The bathrooms are nasty so I use it at home and hold it for the rest of the day but I took too long thanks to that jelly I ate (freshly picked strawberries, I think something got into one of the jars I ate but my siblings have no issues, only me) I literally had everything planned to be on time but it was messed up because I this
Without thinking I set up my GPS and started walking to school, it was painful because it was hot and my water bottle broke a month ago so I had nothing. After picking the fastest route I started sprinting a little and made it to Wawas (it's close to the school) I turned off my GPS becausei knew the rest of the way, but when I finished I heard hissing, a creaking duck started running at me and I was freaking out because I didn't know ducks could hiss, it had its family around so I just took a photo and continued my sprint, I brought a bottle of water and put the extra in my phone case just in case this happened again without my wallet on me.
I was so scared of what would happen that I just kept going without thinking, while walking I find several dead turtles and I finally make it to school, my legs hurt and I was tired, I check my bag to find I had to deodorant. Security asked me why I was late and I explained the above and the security started laughing and saying I was dedicated, one mentioned I should have just stayed home. I tell my first block teacher what happened and she started laughing and I showed her the photos I took. Our of curiosity she looks how long I would have to walk from my house to the school, 1 hour and 3 minutes. I was dripping with sweat but I was an hour late, I told the story to my other teachers and my second block was concerned and told me not to do it again, my third block teacher was loving it because I tell her stuff like this all the time, and my last block teachers was shocked. My bus driver was even in disbelief as well. For those about to say “OP just buy and Uber” Im broke and I'm trying to save money to get it back up again so I'd rather spend money on something cheap than an Uber which would cripple my account
I ranted to the girl I was talking to and she told me I literally could have just called her or any of my friends but I was so focused on how I was late that I didn't even consider it as an option, I felt like an idiot and one of my classmates said I can tell my future kids that I had to walk a mile to get to school. To make it worse I still have to cut the grass when I get home
I now have to tell my mom that I got another UE Absence without talking about how I had diarrhea, the shame man…
TLDR, miss the bus because I had jelly and walked/sprinted an hour to get to school just to be marked absent and almost attacked by a duck
Edit: Teachers called my mom, and my mom is furious that CPS might get called because I took her empty threat literally

Two summers ago, I drove 7 hours one way to buy a 2019 Manual Genesis G70. It was used, not certified preowned, with just under 12K miles. The OEM tires were approaching the end of their useful life. It had one scratch on the rear passenger door and an annoying dealership permanent sticker on the trunk. It also only had one key. The head unit infotainment screen also had a small delamination crack - visible if you looked close but not perceptible if you ran your fingers across it. I bought it as is, though Genesis has a stellar warranty that transfers to the second owner so I still had 2 years warranty remaining. It was too far away for me to get it to a trusted mechanic to PPI, so the warranty was a huge factor.
On a long drive to the beach, the screens began to flicker. The car still ran mechanically fine, but it was alarming. I also noticed I couldn't get the Genesis Connected Services to work. A few weeks later, the screens were flickering again in my driveway. I shut the car off thinking if I just shut it off and turned it back on it would fix itself - for about 5 minutes I couldn't restart the car. It was as though it had a completely dead battery. I took it to my local dealer which unfortunately is an hour away but fortunately is reached through a combination of great back roads and highways. They were unable to replicate the issue but decided to attribute it to the head unit and replaced the entire thing on the basis of the delamination crack being covered by warranty. A week after I got the car back, the screens flickered again. I tried doing an over the air software update with Genesis Corporate over the phone and it kept failing, so we went back to the dealership. They manually did the update. After a few more weeks, the screens flickered again. I took it back down and they decided to go nuclear, completely uninstalling all software and updates from the car and then reinstalling the latest software as a clean slate. When I got it back - my genesis connected services were working and the screens never flickered again. BUT. My backup camera would now randomly stop working. I took it back and they tried a patch update to the backup camera software as well as replacing a crush washer that's apparently a known failure point for the backup camera. The problem persisted. They informed me there is a sensor in the transmission that tells the backup camera when the car is in reverse and when to turn on. That sensor apparently failed, and the solution is apparently to replace the entire transmission. I personally found that insane, but a new clutch and transmission covered fully under warranty? Sure, I'll enjoy your courtesy car a little longer. Yeah, on that note. Having the car in and out of the shop so often was annoying, but it was all covered under Genesis phenomenal warranty, the dealership was surprisingly patient, understanding and communicative, and since they're an hour away I had an opportunity to enjoy some courtesy cars on a good mix of backroads and highways. The courtesy cars I had in no particular order...

• 2023 Genesis G70, 2.0 Turbo AWD. Felt heavy and the automatic transmission seems to take up more space in the center console than the manual. Definitely quicker than my car, but I don't enjoy the weightyness to it. I think it might have something to do with how the power is being put down? Like it IS faster than my car and it DOES have better traction in corners but it FEELS much heavier.
  
• 2023 Sonata N-Line. Feels fast and light but not for me. The interior after getting out of a G70 is a let down and the front wheel drive and extra power don't do enough to make up for it. To clarify - I think this is a fun car if you want a quick, front wheel drive sedan - but it's not my cup of tea.
  
• 2022 Genesis G80. Cannot say enough good things about this car. Feels like a true luxobarge. Gorgeous, comfortable, quiet interior, everything feels heavy and expensive but it also has the power to get out of its own way. This was by far, hands down, no comparison, the best courtesy car I've ever been given. I'd go as far as to say it's one of the best cars I've ever driven in my life. That's relative of course, but it really was just such an impressive vehicle. It was hard to find anything not to like about it.
  
• 2023 Genesis G70, 3.3 twin turbo AWD. Holy hell this thing moves. So, this car has the sunroof - which I hate. In G70s with the sunroof, I have to put the seat all the way on the floor to have headroom. I'm 5'11" with a 32 inch inseam if that gives you an idea of my torso/leg ratio. It also had the same heavyness I felt in the 2.0 AWD courtesy car - it's something to do with the AWD but I don't know if it's how the system moves power around or if it's literally just the added weight of the system. It doesn't feel flickable the way my RWD car feels. And before you call me an idiot for describing my G70 as flickable, understand it's all relative and I haven't owned or driven that many performance cars in my life. I know my car isn't a miata. That all being said. So. Freaking. Fast. The V6 has a really unique sound to it unlike any other V6 I've experienced, I can't decide if I like it or not but it's definitely unique. The speed is really incredible and the AWD makes it so usable. You can floor it turning right or left off the line at a stoplight and it will hold the road and put the power down. If I weren't so sure this car would get me arrested, I'd want one.
  

I got my car back and I haven't had any issues with screens or backup cameras or anything else since the transmission replacement. So what's to love? Small, sporty, rear wheel drive car that has the power to break traction but isn't so powerful that you can't use all your gears. To me this car is straddling the line of slow car fast. It's incredibly comfortable, has a great stereo, looks cool, and it's got enough room for me, my spouse, my dog and a child seat. Also so glad I got the manual when I did - manual G70s are not easy to find. This was one of four for sale within 500 miles of my zip when I bought it. The rear seat is actually usable, but the foot room is tight. I'm 5'11 with a 32 inch inseam. If I take my shoes off, I can sit behind my driving position. I have the knee and hip room - but the foot room is very tight for an adult male. Decent gas mileage if you're not driving it like a hooligan. Feels light and eager to turn, even at speed.
What's not so good? The trunk has a high load floor so even though you have a good opening and footprint, it's shallow. It's not unusable, it's just not as deep as you'd expect it to be. I was still able to fit everything my spouse, my dog and I needed for a week at the beach. Speaking of long trips - no spare tire. That pissed me off. Not even a space saver? Come on. I think it should be a legal requirement that all cars have at least a space saver. In any case, this car can accept the same space saver spare kit the 3.3 model comes with or the Kia Stinger comes with. I ordered the parts online and installed a space saver spare myself. The backup camera shuts off as soon as you're out of reverse, even if you're rolling backwards in neutral. This is a nitpick, but I do wish the backup camera would stay on until I was rolling forward. Speaking of reverse, the pedal box is tight and I usually wear an 11 or 12 shoe depending on the brand. With certain shoes, I have to modify my left foot motion because my toe will catch the arm of the clutch pedal. Not impossible, but it can be annoying in certain pairs of shoes or if you have big feet.
Clutch and Transmission :: I'm gonna give this it's own section because I feel like this is a very case sensitive matter. Manuals I drove before this - a 2011 Subaru Outback. First manual car I bought and I drove it for 120K miles before an old dude in a Yukon totaled it. Some people have said they don't enjoy the feeling of this transmission, I don't have much to compare it to. I think the stick feel is fine. The actual clutch is a toss up for me. It's hydraulic, so on one hand it's buttery smooth and easy and very forgiving if you're doing a drive through or in stop and go traffic - things I took pains to avoid in my outback. The flip side is, the pedal gives you very little feedback. The bite point is harder to feel and it definitely numbs the experience a bit. If you're looking for a very raw, analog feeling transmission this is not it. This feels much more like an entry level luxury sport sedan that was given a manual just because it would be cool to have a manual, but also trying to do one in such a way that it wouldn't alienate luxury car buyers who generally find manuals to be a nuisance.
Would I go through it all again? Absolutely. The dealer trips were annoying but it let me test drive some cool stuff and I never paid a dime. The only thing I paid for was an oil change, a new set of tires (not from the dealer) and a new key cause I wanted to have two. The key was $700 which is offensive but unfortunately not unheard of with modern cars. The car is a blast. If you want a smallish, luxuryish, sportscarish vehicle that gives you a lot of nice stuff without being too expensive or too harsh, check out a G70. If you're a manual purist, you may love it or hate it - the clutch is definitely a sticking point for many people. Genesis Dealer? Mine is great, thank god. But I have heard plenty of horror stories from other owners who went to more Hyundai focused dealers. Maintenance? No mechanical issues at all, just weird software related glitches that were all covered under warranty. Mods? Not really planning anything big. I added a sun strip to the windshield, a dash cam and wiring for my radar detector. Also the spare tire. And I put PS4s on it. I plan to keep it stock - at least until it's paid off and the warranty is out.
Questions for reddit :: Catch cans! Should I have one on this car? Is there a recommended brand? Do your mechanics charge you more to empty them or do you empty them yourselves? What does a catch can do that the OEM air oil separator doesnt?
TL;DR :: I like my manual G70. It isn't very fast, but I like it.

I was going to make a throwaway but no one IRL knows my reddit so I guess it'll go here, I never saw myself making a post like this but I feel like there's no one I can talk to about this because a lot of people around me have a "grow up and get over it" type attitude about it.
For some context my mental health has never been amazing but I've generally always been a very ambitious and enthusiastic person. When I was a kid I was desperate to be an actress and I went through all the necessary training to do this through high school and college but due to a disability affecting my legs, along with burnout, unrelated trauma and being short and a little chubby (which is basically a death sentence for most actors unless you're exceptional or very lucky) now that I am 24 and have been out of training for so long it's obvious that it's just not the path for me, I'm not willing to ruin my mental or physical health for it and moving away from my mother who's acting as my carer would be a bit risk since last time I attempted drama school I ended up dropping out three months in after a breakdown that sent me to a psych ward temporarily where I was diagnosed with Autism .
I've been anxious and worried about my future since. I like my job but it's not exactly my dream to work in retail my whole life and I want to do something better with myself, and I was mostly working through these issues until a couple of months ago when my on and off boyfriend of six years decided to cheat on me during my birthday party and then dumped me over text a couple of days later. It now seems he's dating the girl he cheated on me with and he's now decided his favourite place to go two or three times a week is my favourite bar that I used to work at, know everyone and feel safe, even though he told me he hated it when we were together. He was abusive and I'm happy to be out of the situation but he's isolated me from somewhere that felt safe for me and although it's by far the worst relationship I've had, I've never actually had a relationship that was good, which leads me to think I'm just not worth being treated with any kind of respect.
Because of the looming dread of how my future is going to play out since currently I'm always broke, I'm unfulfilled, I'm single, I have friends but not many really close friends (the closest of which lives in another country and I only see them twice a year if I'm lucky) I just have such an overwhelming desire to change every single little aspect of myself to the point where even looking in the mirror is physically painful because I can't believe that my face and my body and everything else looks so weird and lumpy and not as good as other peoples. My room is a mess because I was homeless a couple of years back so I have no furniture and being disabled prevents me from dong anything too that's going to tire me out too much unless I want to be in bed for days which I really can't since I have a job and a life that I need to tend to.
I started briefly dating someone, and he was really nice and we had a good time together but we agreed after our third date there was so romantic chemistry so we called it off, and even though I know we wouldn't have worked out and it's better to have him as a friend it also feels like an added name to the list of people who don't want me, which left me feeling like if I was thinner, or more funny or less TMI or taller or more interesting etc etc etc he would have stayed even though I didn't even want him to.
I'm also really overthinking things I've said, like to the point where it's physically all I can think about for days if I say something slightly rude or embarrassing to someone, I don't even know if Identity Crisis or existential crisis is the right term for what I'm going through so if anyone else knows different please tell me what's happening to me. I think I might have an undiagnosed condition or disorder that's flaring up because I keep being told how I feel is normal but I don't think it's normal to feel like my brain is constantly fighting itself and it's manifesting in physical symptoms like tiredness or hot flashes. I want to make these feelings stop and I don't care what it takes but I feel like I doctor won't listen to me at all because they didn't last time, they just gave me a week off work and said there was nothing else "worth doing."
I just really want to be happy and I just feel like the world around me won't let me. I've been getting into writing recently and I'm ok at it so it's a possible career option but I know it's not a likely one so I'll just settle for feeling ok for a while.

In 2018, I went to see a psychiatrist, a "doctor" after an episode in which I was awake for most of a week, with at most 5-8 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling my brain was on fire.
In the one or two months after that, I started to recover slowly. I wasn't fully aware of it at the time, but I had started to suspect I was bipolar, which I now know I am. Looking back, in my early 20s, I started to get hypomanic highs one to two times a month, and also, from what I now know, very likely fueled by the food I was eating at the time.
My mom, on the recommendation of her psychologist at the time, took me to a psychiatrist 2-3 months after the incident, who put me on 3-4 drugs, including an atypical antipsychotic, Saphris, which "rebalances" dopamine and serotonin in the brain, sertraline, and one or two others I can't remember, one may have been buproprion.
I was on these for about one and a half years, from 2018 (autumn I think) to April of 2020. During that time, I lost nearly all my motivation and energy, my libido essentially died, I used to have a certain "sheen" as best as I can describe it that I would see around many objects, trees and forests in particular, and that went away, I could no longer feel happiness, I became emotionally dead inside. My memory was affected, I have had maybe three super vivid dreams in my life, and one of them was on this drug, and I know it was because of it.
I stopped doing most things I used to, because of the loss of motivation and energy, I took Russian lessons online with a woman, my teacher whom I had come to trust and love, and would never under normal circumstances have stopped them. I used to do a lot of vigorous exercise, pushups, pullups, situps, and I stopped doing those. Most of the time I was on this medication, all I could do was play the same video game on my computer every day, and walk around where I lived. I stopped working semi-regularly with my father, and stopped doing chores around the house.
When I realized the saphris was doing this to me, I tried to go off, months or even a year after starting, only to discover I could not sleep for even a second. I had always had some trouble with insomnia, and I thought the saphris was doing some good, because after taking it, I would fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. I ended up screaming at the ceiling so many nights because I couldn't sleep at all. I know now it was definitely the saphris that ruined my sleep, and I suspect most of the other things, but, I think it was likely the sertraline or the sertraline and saphris both that destroyed my libido.
When I went off of the saphris, I needed trazadone, which is prescribed off label as a sleep aid, just to sleep at all, and I barely slept. Some months into this, I began to feel a sort of hyper aggression I had never known before or since, and ended up in a psychiatric hospital several times. It only departed from me one day about 10 months ago. Lithium would barely keep it in check, just behind the surface. I was also perceiving memories differently at this time, they were coming back in a way that was hard to describe, old memories, many of them unpleasant, which under normal circumstances, wouldn't come to my mind. The aggression combined with an unpleasant memory coming to mind, like being bullied as a child, was a horrible combo as the emotional pain from the memory would make me rage more. In the very last months I was on the saphris, I believe I had a form of akathisia, as I would involuntarily cross my fingers on my right hand.
I have learned, because of this miserable experience, more about dopamine and serotonin than I knew before, and how many things these are responsible foregulate. Sleep, memory, libido, aggression, appetite, motivation, pleasure (I can't feel it anymore). Besides all of that, for a time I was feeling temperature differently, something I have learned is not uncommon with antipsychotics/atypical antipsychotics.
Now, five and a half years after being off the medication, I have never fully recovered. I have extremely little motivation and energy, my libido is dead, I take one prescription drug (gabapentin) and antihistamines and melatonin every night to sleep, and they don't always work, I cannot feel anything but the most fleeting sense of pleasure, I feel largely emotionally dead inside, my memory still doesn't work like it once did.
I have read that buspirone may help at least with sexual side effects from SSRIs, in another thread here.
Buspirone might reduce sexual side effects associated with SSRIs : Psychiatry (reddit.com)
within that thread, this was posted
...
"Bupropion is commonly used adjunctively with antidepressants to treat SSRI-induced sexual side effects. Again, the rationale for using a dopaminergic agent, even a modest one, to impact sexual side effects appears sound. Stimulants and other dopamine-­enhancing agents enhance libido.
So, I am at a bit of a loss here, I am still not sure exactly what the saphris and maybe others did, I know it has to do with dopamine and serotonin in my brain. I don't understand all of these things fully, I don't know if I have too little dopamine, serotonin, or both, or if the saphris damaged the receptors or whatever. One thing that really got my attention with the above was the part that "Stimulants and other dopamine-­enhancing agents enhance libido."
One reason I know I have issues with dopamine and serotonin, and that the saphris damaged the receptor(s) for these in my brain or something, is that I have problems with so many things that are tied to these neurotransmitters, sleep, energy, motivation, libido, et cetra. When I take caffeine, up until recently, I would notice, despite the sexual dysfunction I suffer from, that my libido would still noticeably increase, my memory would improve, of course I had more energy, motivation, and I could feel an ever so slight increase in happiness. These are all tied to dopamine and serotonin. It seems to me that there is something or things out there that could reverse this in me, or cause a really noticeable improvement for me. Before this cursed medication, I was a generally happy person, with ADHD, high functioning autistic, bipolar, but generally happy. Now i have lived in hell for more than five years, and I want it to end, desperately. I have some very small hope maybe if I could try buspirone I would see improvement, but I don't know until I try, and I am hoping my current psychiatrist will let me try it. I need to find something that undoes the damage.