Chronic scalp picking

i’ve got a patch in each arm pit, three on my scalp, one on the back of my earlobe and then IN my ear canal, and one IN my nostril. i don’t even know what to do. i’m so uncomfortable and annoyed and i have dermatillomania so i’m constantly picking at them. does anyone have any suggestions?

Man, this is complicated. It's also very, very long.
A little piece out of a lot of background: I've been sick for about 10 years old. For the first six of those years, it was mainly a physical illness. I had chronic pains that the doctors just couldn't figure out and it derailed my entire life. Then in 2020, I ended up in a rehab facility for about 18 months. The first year there was really slow since I was still in pain, but after about 10 months I finally got the meds I needed and my aches went poof.
Amazing!
However, once they did, I discovered that I had a lot of latent psychological trauma etc. that popped its head up as soon as I didn't have the physical pains to distract me. I asked the nurses and doctors there for help with getting in touch with someone who could help me with that, but that didn't happen and instead the remaining 8 months was hell because somehow they decided that instead of offering help, they'd gaslight and abuse me. I've never felt so disconnected from reality because it didn't matter what I did or how hard I worked to accomplish a goal, I always did something wrong and never worked hard enough. It was a wild time, in the worst way possible.
Then I was kicked out of that facility and into my own one-room apartment. I was hesitant about the benefits of living alone right in ground zero for my previous trauma, but then again, staying at the place I had just been at wasn't really an option either.
Well, as it turns out, it was as horrible of an idea as I had feared. I quickly spiraled mentally since I was just alone with myself all day every day, and my own head is a pretty toxic conversational partner.
However, one upside to moving out of that facility is that it opened up another avenue of care for me. I'm not sure how to translate the Swedish health care system into English but basically, if you don't need to go to the hospital for something more urgent, your first go-to health care place is a vårdcentral. I'll just call it a "VC" from now on. You go there for all of the usual smaller things that doesn't require a surgeon or something. There are doctors and nurses there and they'll help you if they can or refer you to a hospital or other health care facilities if they offer the help you need.
When I came home from the rehab place in August of 2021, I got into contact with my local VC and explained that I needed some psychological help, and they let me talk to a counselor. She eventually sent me to another counselor of sorts who was supposed to evaluate me and then send me to the actual psychiatrist who could help me. After talking with her for a while, she sent me on my way and I met the psychiatrist in December of 2022.
We met up and had one conversation, but he basically said that there was nothing he could do for me. There were some reasons why but I don't think those matter now. The point is, my psych help kind of ended there. For various reasons, it wasn't picked up until six months later when I went on a boycott of all of my medicines in order to force my VC to actually do something. They had stayed radio silent up until then despite my pleas to find me some kind of help.
I ended up meeting with another one of their counselors in May last year and we've been talking ever since then. However, I wasn't getting anywhere. I said to her that the only way I saw myself getting better was by going to another of those rehab facilities since I wasn't able to get better on my own. On a fundamental level, I just don't function while alone. I shut down completely and just go on auto-pilot. It doesn't matter what we come up with while talking because as soon as I'm alone again, the auto-pilot engages and I remember almost nothing that isn't a hardwired biological need until I start interacting with another person again and the auto-pilot disengages again.
I had a three-way phone call with my counselor and the woman in charge of granting stays as such rehab facilities, and I said that one thing that I needed as a necessary guarantee was some sort of additional psychological help so that I wasn't simply helped physically and then thrown back once those needs were met. I've been there and done that, and I've seen how destructive that can be.
On the first session with my counselor after that call, she said that she could refer me to another counselor since I had pretty much said that only her support wouldn't be enough during my stay at that rehab facility (if I get a spot). I wasn't sure if that was the best way to go but since we hadn't really gotten anywhere in the last year, it didn't seem like the worst idea.
And this finally brings me to what this post is really about.
I had an initial conversation with this new counselor and then sent her a letter where I outlined my feelings better than I managed in the conversation. She asked if she could show the letter to her boss but didn't say why. I said sure, and after that we settled on a new session that was last Thursday.
During that session, she explained both why she'd taken my letter to her boss and why she'd be stepping down as my counselor after just a couple of sessions.
The reason she took the letter to her boss is because I outlined how I'd been ping-ponged around different counselors and psychiatrists for almost 3 years. That just wasn't right.
The reason she stepped down as my counselor was because of what the psychiatrist I'd met briefly in December 2022 had said about me. I was only aware of what he said directly to me: "I can't help you." However, what I was completely unaware of was that he told my VC a whole different thing: "This guy needs a whole team of (more suitable) psychiatrists."
They seemingly completely ignored this. As I mentioned before, for the first 6 months after my meeting with that psychiatrist, they did nothing. I had to resort to fairly desperate measures to get them to act, but when they did act, they just handed me to one of the counselors who were woefully underqualified to help me through my issues. This is why nothing happened during the year I was speaking to her. She then passed me on to the most recent counselor, and she realized that my issues were far above her paygrade. This wasn't the reason she stepped down, though. Rather, she felt that as long as I had a counselor, everyone around me would just assume that I was getting qualified help when the reality was far from that. As such, she thought that her staying on would do more harm than good to me.
She advised me to talk to my doctor about it and I just so happened to have an unrelated appointment booked with him for later this week so at least I can talk to him without having to wait a month or so. She also suggesting reporting all of this crap to the governing body for health care issues.
I don't know what to feel. I'm angry and confused. It feels like I've lived on a diet consisting of nothing but knuckle sandwiches for the longest time, with these recent revelations being a huge one-dish buffet.
I just needed to get this off my chest.

• No fancy apps
• No millions of half empty notebooks filled with lists I'll never remember to look at again.
• No post it notes or task boards

I created a Google doc called "Gettir Done". ( Ronny is my cat 😽) I can access it from anywhere and keep it on my phone so I can update and customize as needed.
Every morning I get up and start to do my thing. Then I get coffee, sit by the river (my lil' morning meditation spot) and organize my day. I check the "tasks" off this list. If I do things out of order, or simply forget, I just go back to the list and make sure I've covered everything.
I'm always glued to my phone anyway, so this is the perfect trick to keep me motivated and my brain on point. Hoping this helps anyone who's been looking for methods to get through their day too! 💙

At a young age my siblings and I had to leave where we live in Virginia and move to North Carolina. I being the oldest F(26)Maria,M(21)Juan,M(19)Santiago, & F(17)Sofia our current ages. Do to having been diagnosed with a chronic disease at a very young age I wasn’t to moved thanks to what I was having to go through. I went through my life each day at a time not caring how it went for me. When my medical bills became to much for both my step-dad and mother. They talked to my father and agreed to not ask for child support for my younger two siblings if my father took care of my brother Juan (12) and I (16) since at the time I had started developing seizures both absent and compulsive my brother came along with me to help my father understand what was going on. We grew up together we would go visit my mother and younger siblings when we had the chance or they would come over and we’d do what we could to spend the time they were here with them. After my father got a better job with a new company we got more stable home and better income thanks to that change.
Since I graduated in 2016 but my health declined in those years I got taken under my father’s wing and sadly still am a leech to him but while my father worked hard I help with the house keeping and to welcome both my father and boyfriend to a warm meal. I made sure to keep both my father and brother feed I worried for my brother’s health. When Juan graduated high school sadly it was during the COVID pandemic 2020. He had to accept that his graduation was going to be us sitting in the vehicle while they called their name through the radio in the schools parking lot. My mother and siblings couldn’t come for the same COVID restrictions going on in the states. We spent the summer at a family vacation with our father and our siblings from NC. My father told us that he knew this was the last we would be together in a while since we were growing up and everyone would be going their way soon.
Well that summer Juan got things ready and got accepted to William & Mary College it was hard for both of my father and I but we knew it was important for his future. Just a few days ago we came back from his undergrad graduation but during the dinner after his final ceremony my mother nearly caused me a breakdown. After putting in our orders they had just dropped off our drinks. When our mother asked “what was my brother planning to do now?”
He answered “That he wanted to stay for a while there until his lease was up at which point we would go pick him up. During that time he would let loose and look into what he could but he would be staying in his old room before he left for college when he came home. While we both will go to NC to visit and spend time with them for a week. Then come back home from where he will start to look into the internship opportunities near our home”
My mother like always said We were welcome at the house during our visit but if he didn’t find an internship here he was welcome into a room at their house with my brother Santiago.” I took a sip of water but went silent and just listened to Juan’s answer Closely. My brother laughed while answering “thanks but if he couldn’t find one near he’s willing to drive an hour out if he needed too” I got up told them I needed to use the bathroom As soon as I got in the stall I broke down he’s been gone 4 years I can’t lose my brother again so soon. I can’t stop breaking down even my boyfriend nearly caught me crying silently. He comes from Mexico no family here since 7 years ago almost as soon as he got here we met. I want to sit my brother down and ask him to please try to find both a job and internship near where we live currently. Would I be asking to much of him?

I remembered a small thing that happened in my teenage years, and I just realized how much of an asshole I must have looked like.
It's late in the evening, I'm out with some friends when I get a text from a guy friend who moved away a few months ago. He was in town and wanted to hang out. I agreed to meet up.
He picks me up in his car. I'm shooting the shit with him, but I'm also hiding the fact that I'm feeling anxious (chronic anxiety gang)
We go to his cousin's house. I've never met his cousin before. Turns out cousin is wheelchair-bound. I think he has some sort of birth defect, but I didn't ask about it of course, because it wasn't my business. I say hello. Cousin seems nice. Im still anxious.
Friend suggests the three of us play video games. I'm starting to feel jittery and overwhelmed, and feel the need to get some fresh air. So I ask if we can go on a walk. Friend said no.
I then feel crampy, so I excuse myself to go to the restroom. Turns out my period started, which can heighten my anxiety. I have nothing with me to remedy this. Oops.
I go back out and tell my friend I've started my period and need to go home. It's late anyway, and I don't have what I need to take care of myself. He blinks at me in silence a few moments... then kindly agreed to take me home.
So... I can only guess that this was his perspective:

• friend comes over. Happy to catch up.
• meets my clearly disabled cousin in a wheelchair
• suggests we go for a WALK in the middle of the NIGHT.
• goes to the bathroom, clearly uncomfortable -comes back and lies about needing to go home
• wow. What a bitch.

Needless to say he didn't reach out again after that.

chronic pain and scar pain are being an absolute menace, my head feels like it's being compressed from all sides. please give me some pictures of your ratties being silly little beans
(had to pick a flair, don't have the brain power to figure out which one would be right)

I’m a teen and a chronic overthinker (I analyse literally everything, not just ppls behaviors) and a lover of knowledge and today I felt as though my brain completely blanked out. I’ve been feeling anxious for a few days already but after Math class, reading 4th dimension stuff that I can barely comprehend and Forensic Murder Cases my brain literally died. I talked to two different people thinking they were my friends and almost ate a pick thinking it was a grape from my friend. I’d still have cues where I know J have to think this and that but today I didn’t want to think them through at all. And plus I felt really really anxious for no reasons as if I had to do something but I didn’t know what. Maybe it’s because my grandma died earlier this month but what’s wrong with me?

Hi! So normally I can tell the difference with context clues but with this stray we're fostering I don't have many. When we got her in she wasn't even 5 pounds, extremely sickly, but very friendly. We've been taking care of her, found her a good adopter that was personally know who will be taking her in late summer. We've had her for about a month now, last time we took her to the vet to get checked out for fur loss (determined to be caused by calicivirus and dead fleas) she was officially 6.01 pounds! I assumed she had a leg injury as she tends to hiss and get upset if she's held a certain way but it didn't seem to bother her enough to warrant an x-ray (didn't wanna get one unnecessarily bc they're expensive and we know her soon to be owner will gladly pick up and take care of what we can't.)
I send her future owner updates at least once a week and sometimes once a day to keep her in the loop. I joked recently about how much the cat bloats after eating. I just got back from a trip and I noticed she was rounder than when I left and the person who was taking care of her noted so too, assuming she was just eating too much. When I picked her up today in the way I normally do, she hissed a lot and swatted at me when I put pressure on her belly area. (She wasn't upset she was telling me she didn't like that and immediately calmed down once she was set down :) No struggle during holding just upon picking up. She's a good cat I don't want to make her sound mean. :( )
It just occurred to me that there a chance she might be pregnant as she's not spayed (something the future owner will have done as spays are often around $500 with our vet, closer to $1k if it's a spay abort) and it is around the time she would be starting to show. I assumed with the state she was in when we got her that her body would've terminated any pregnancy to try to heal herself but saying that aloud I realize how silly that sounds.
I can try to get an above picture of her tomorrow as we're settled in bed and I don't want to bother her but here is a side by side of the day we got her in and shortly after her most recent vet appointment. Keep in mind the second photo is literally RIGHT after she ate.
Granted she is eating a lot and I'm pulling back on how much she's eating now that I'm back to managing her food (wanted to keep it simple for her temporary care taker). She was being given two full cans of wet food and roughly 1 and a half measuring cups of dry food, she doesnt eat all of it, we just provided options. I'm bringing her down to half a can of wet food and 1/2 a measuring cup of dry food. Before the change is implemented she would sometimes barely touch the wet food to SCARFING down both cans, most of the time she slowly eats through the hard food over a week and a half, eating far less than 1/4th cup in a day. But some days she eats the dry food instead of the wet food. So there's definitely opportunity for her to be getting fat. (Want to clarify that much food we were given the okay to give to her by our vet to get her weight up and help heal her tongue ulcers as we used to have to make her soft food into a slurry but she was still determined to eat the hard food sometimes. We give all our other cats 1/4th cup of dry food and a little wet food for some liquid in their diet. :) )
I plan to call and schedule a vet appointment for next week (so it's after we get paid) for an x-ray for her legs anyway, but I'm asking here for any tips or insight or things we should be looking out for! Advice is appreciated thank you!!
(If it helps, all of our other cats are fixed and she's kept separated from them bc of her calicivirus. We got her April 20th which is when the first photo was taken. She had a large upper respiratory infection, severely ulcerated tongue, severely underweight, and general pain but that all has been treated with exception of calicivirus as it's been explained to me that it's a chronic condition and not exactly can be cured. But we are managing it! We have handled other fosters including a pregnant one, we were in an okay financial situation when we took this one in and right now it's a little rocky but will be okay now we're budgeting better we just need to wait for more paydays for things to even out. No matter what she will get the care she needs and she will be taken to the vet, I'm just looking for input until we can get her to her vet appointment without completely breaking the bank :) )
Third and fourth photos are to show her face when we first got her (she was a cuddle bug and did not want to be alone) and most recently! :) as you can see she's doing well health wise!!!
So what should I watch out for to see if she may be pregnant or just fat??? Both there's equal chance of in my eyes, we don't know her backstory other than she's less than a year old and was outside until someone caught her and brought her to us, even then they hadn't seen her before so they don't have any history either on her.
I can try to answer questions! Sorry if this is too much detail, I care about her a lot and want to give information that may help in figuring things out about her!!!

We are No Contact, but I did get a little triggered today and started mulling over the past problems with MIL. Feeling a bit fragile and overwhelmed now by all the feelings and memories.
I knew MIL was problematic ever since my SO first told me he always had a strained relationship with his mother, that she had a bad habit of cheating on his dad due to her bitterness/jealousy, and that it only stopped once my SO grew older and stepped up as “provider” (essentially compensating for his dad’s shortcomings). I noticed she was very passive aggressive: always smiling, chirpy-voiced and acting very friendly, yet her words were so sharp and bitter! She’d make jabs and judgements about my life choices, and overstep boundaries by nagging me about what I should be doing. I think career-wise, she never had a proper career until now (her late 50s) and tried to compete with me and my SO (we’re both lawyers). And I think she’s a bit narcissistic, competing to regain access, attention and benefits from my SO, who was the provider (and fixer) for his family’s many issues.
But it gets worse, she has this delulu enmeshment with her daughter! Unfortunately my SO also has a strained relationship with his sister (rightfully so) as she’s a chronic troublemaker, attention-seeker and rather toxic/abusive towards him (yet plays victim). MIL twists things around so the sister is an ✨angel✨ who could never do wrong, and that me/my SO are the bad guys. MIL would demand we PAY for his sister’s self-imposed misfortunes: her abortions, driving suspensions, court appearances, other medical/financial/legal problems she’s committed, etc. MIL will blame my SO whenever his sister has tantrums for not getting what she wants (money or expensive goods) or whenever she runs away on some drug/party bender and gets into more trouble. If he didn’t pay up or cancel everything to drive miles and miles to pick up his drunk sister in some ditch, he’d be met with MIL’s wrath: insults, punishments like increasing his rent (before he moved out), gaslighting him that he’s being unfair to his sister who is “trying really hard to be nice to him” (apparently screaming death threats at him is considered “nice”) and even spreading LIES to extended family/friends (accusing us of being “abusive” for not helping the family or his poor sister. Christmas was horrible because we’d be confronted with all these nasty, false allegations).
MIL has had the audacity to say things to me like: * “You can’t move to part-time lawyer for health reasons! That shows WEAKNESS, FAILURE and that you can’t handle it! Typical Millennial, doesn’t know what true hard work is.” * “You’re probably not earning enough money, how much are you earning? No, give me the exact amount of your salary. I bet it’s not good enough.” * “My son works for ME not you! What makes YOU so special?! Blood is thicker than water, he needs to remember that his priorities are his family.” * “My son bought you jewellery for Valentines?! He needs to be buying that for his poor sister too because her exes won’t do that for her this year.” * “My son is so lazy, why can’t he be more like my daughter- see? She cleaned my toilet for me, she’s such an angel.” (My SO used to be the only one in his lazy family that actually did chores). * She’s even accused me of having “stolen” her son from her and would further blame ME whenever he was struggling/uncomfortable at home- “[Son], you look miserable, I knew OP was such a demanding GF!”. My SO never raises his voice, but apparently he bit back at her harshly that time, saying his own home is making him miserable. She’s still in denial about that.
When I think about the things she’s said, it just feels so insulting. I usually don’t care what others think, but it cuts deep for me when it’s family or the in laws, especially when her views are not true at all! :(
No Contact has been going well, my SO has been so wonderful in all of this and handled this on his own: he set boundaries, stopped bringing me over to visit, protected me, defended me, moved out, put his foot down and cut contact. We’ve created a happy and flourishing life together.
What also reassures me is that she’s treated other good people this way too (unfortunate for them, but proves she’s the problem and not me). But I still don’t like the feeling of being misunderstood and wrongfully blamed. And I wonder how sustainable No Contact really is… whether I feel comfortable having in laws like this for the rest of my life…

are these lice? I picked 4 of them off my scalp. as i was inspecting one, it jumped away. i don’t have any visible eggs but i have thick dark brown hair and it’s hard to inspect your own scalp.

my boss had mentioned that he checks the obituaries if one of our chronic pain patients doesn’t come get their hydros/oxys, but i think mine are the ones who don’t pick up their anti-rejection meds. they make me soo anxious

I take prescription NSAIDS for my chronic neck, shoulder, and back pain that I’ve had since age 10 and continues to progress. No one will give me anything stronger than Celebrex because I’m in my 20s and doctors don’t know where it’s coming from, I’m too young to have this kind of pain, etc. I go to pick up my medication at the pharmacy after a long, painful food service shift that was extra difficult because I ran out yesterday and couldn’t take my meds today.
I’m then told that my meds are on hold and I’m not able to request any refills until next month, even though I’ve taken them on schedule and they are literally just NSAIDS. So I’m devastated that I don’t have any kind of pain relief for my aching body tonight or for the rest of the month. I love being young. Yay.

Im so obsessed with scratching my scalp for dandruff/scabs, picking it out of my nails and rubbing it between my fingers. 3 years going and it just keeps getting worse as time goes on I guess. I love the sensation of rubbing it between my fingers and feeling the texture. I just go until there’s no more dandruff in my hair and I’ve never bled from it or balded but there’s probably a shit ton of deep scratches all over my scalp.
I’ve never had excessive dandruff but it’s always just enough to pick. Idk if it’s even a problem but I tried t-gel and it doesn’t seem to do much. Definitely not worth that “scent” in my hair anyway.
It used to just be when I was anxious but then it became when I was bored and now I’m doing it pretty much all day as I work from home and am pretty much always anxious and bored. I’ll go until my hands and fingers are aching and sore from the constant movement like I feel like I’m at risk for some on-set arthritic disease. Sometimes I’ll still scratch when there’s barely any dandruff but then I’ll find a straggler and it hits so different.
It’s better than when I used to pick my hair out of my head but it’s still weird and annoying and makes me feel awful about myself and like distracting me from doing productive things and living my life.
For some reason I feel like there’s no way I’m the only one who does this. I’ve seen a lot of scalp picking posts though and no one mentions rubbing it between their fingers lol. Am I that weird?

My dad was the alcoholic. Several siblings are alcoholics or addicts. There are a lot of us. I am 56 & I have not lost a sibling yet.
I have spoken to my mom 3 times, maybe 3 in the past month. She told me my brother got sick & was in the hospital for a few days & he is having more tests but he is okay, just has health issues.
Today, I called a sister. I am no contact with all my siblings. A nephew has joined the service & is leaving in days. His going away party is this Saturday. I am still in contact with his mother, my SIL. Her son is joining a branch my son served in. So I call this sister to say this is happening this Saturday & I finally have a car so I will pick up & take our mum. We chatted a short bit.
In this chat, I find out that our brother, an alcoholic & chronically unemployed brother who moved back into our mum’s house has lung cancer. He has 4 kids & only 1 of his 4 know. Very few of our siblings know, I believe I am the 4th or 5th that knows.
I kept it together while on the phone with my sister. I lost it when the call ended.
I’m feeling guilty over some of these feelings. Like I should even deserve any feelings choosing no contact.
This brother, he was a hero in my youth. I am small but I have a huge appetite. My mum often didn’t let me have more food when I was little. This brother, he’d sneak me out of our home & we’d walk to a fast food restaurant 4 blocks away & with his own money, he’d buy me what I needed to get full.
I have a sister 2 years older than me that until I was around 8, she’d get the better of me several times a week. This brother stood up to her & defended me, knowing he’d get the belt when my dad got home but also knowing I did not deserve what I got.
He taught me so much about cars. His ex-wife, she was a true sister to me. So much good I can share for my first 25 years of life.
I think deep down inside, I always believed he would overcome his disease & I’d get the brother back that I knew growing up. My mum told me he quit drinking. My sister says he is still drinking & mum is “missing” money so she is most likely giving him money.
I’m beside myself. We (adult children) get so much shit handed to us in life. We deserve better. I’ve lost my dad. My grandparents. 2 SIL’s & a BIL. My dog died 3/5/2024. I know this starts a string of siblings I will lose & it just feels so final. He will never be the brother I grew up with. He will never have the chance to be a truly sober brother, son & father ever again. I suppose there is a chance he will quit but he is living with his biggest, jeez the word escapes me. Our mum gives him money & lies for him. Enabler. She is his biggest enabler.

Im just putting this out there to see who connects, and how you might internalize these things.
childhood years wear fantastic birth-11.
11-18 was a nightmare.
My dad worked all the time during my teen years. Literally gone from the house for weeks on end. I remember once he was gone for 6 weeks to work. When he came home he'd always be "too tired" to do anything. I have no real memories of us doing stuff together, except lift weights once a week.
Constantly, non stop, harassed and bullied at school. nobody to help me or guide me. Parents just say "be the bigger man". Dad never home, mom is the type that cant hurt a fly. Anytime i would complain, they wouldnt really believe me, or thing it wasnt a big deal. If it was my word against authority, i was wrong by default. Authority is always right.
Mom, dad, siblings will sit in front of the TV all the time. Chronic video game addictions that have been persistent from childhood to adulthood (20+ years of chronic video game addiction). Nobody has hobbies, passions or direction. Buying things, eating, and tv watching is everyones hobby.
Dad eventually retires and does nothing but watch tv- all our conversations are about the tv he watches or who he doesnt like about politics. Always upset at politics, picks fights with people over it, but does nothing and doesnt know what hes talking about. Very overweight, naps, watches tv, goes to pub. Somehow in good health still
brothers so addicted to video games, they have done absolutely nothing with their adult lives and are reaching middle age. poor, uneducated. Rooms filled with pizza boxes and soda cans. late 30's.
Mom always emotional because she is constantly getting taken advantage of. she believes everything authority tells her, and thinks "everyone is on their own journey". Kinda new agey
On top of all of this, my parents are always trying to dump their hallmark greetings on me. "education is so important", "take the path less followed", "kindness is everything", "you only live once seize the day"
However, none of this is backed up by action of any sort on their end. They do not educate themselves at all.
is this just how people are? is this normal?
my parents arent abusive or bad, but nobody has a clue, and nobody has an ounce of direction or spine. I feel i suffered tremendously growing up, and even now. The weakness attracted so much trouble. I never could make sense of all of this

As hair systems do have a lifespan, do people notice it when you change it. People might pick up on the difference in quality, thickness or the flow of hair no? Also will it peel off, if I have super oily and sweaty scalpe? Thank you!!

This is my second McCarthy book, and well I found it underwhelming, defiantly not what I was hoping it to be, all in all its good and I was sucked right in by that Mccarthy writing style and the realistic way he can convey country and southern accents, to the point it really feels like your eavesdropping into someone else's world. But when stumbling acrossed this book I was on the search for a book about a serial killer (which this is technically about) but half of the deaths are skipped over which was a disappointment to me I was hoping he would go full Ed Gien with Lester kinda like the end when he his chasing that one guy with his rifle while wearing a dress and a female scalp (I wanted more of that) I suppose it's personal taste, I just found a lot of the book boring, mostly just conversation, and lester trying to figure out how to stay warm from day to day. I read in a list of most disturbing Mccarthy novels that a lot of people pick this one and outer dark but for the most part I didn't find it all that disturbing, the most disturbing part in my opinion is when that redneck rapes his own daughter, that made me wanna take a shower, but the all 2 shown on screen (not counting the kid he leaves to burn) where not described in as much detail as I had wished, and I also just wish we seen more of them, had we replaced some of the dialog and survival scenes for some more of the murders it would have been way more entertaining to me, just my opinion though, I myself watch a lot of true crime and serial killer documentaries so perhaps I am just desensitized what all do you think

I have chronic pain. My joins always hurt, my tendons, ankles, my everything hurts all the time.
Are there people outthere that have no chronic pain at all? Y'all just walk without grinding your teeth?
Dont hesitate to bend down to pick something up? I always assumed everyone felt some type of pilain at all times?

I'm tagging this as a discussion and not a rant, because I do want input. I want people to be honest with me. I'm going to low-key rant, but then I want to know how you would feel if it were you - and maybe if you agree with my also chronically ill friend.
I was in a pretty serious car wreck on May 10th. I have some pictures from when I went to see my car finally on Thursday (? I think) and... and honestly, it was worse than I thought it was at first. I had snapped one picture for my mom but I was very, very stunned at the time. Later got diagnosed with a concussion, so that makes sense that I was out of it), and the picture didn't pick up the damage... At all. My entire front console and dashboard separated from the frame of the car. The passenger door can't open. My windshield severely cracked, it's a miracle it didn't shatter all over me. My wheel airbag went off, but the knee airbag malfunctioned (impound lot guy said he sees that a lot with my model car and to report it to the highway safety commission). Parking brake jammed on, hood bent in half, entire front part of the car crushed underneath the car in front of me.
I was EXTREMELY lucky. I cannot stress... How lucky. And this friend who I'm about to bring up agrees with that, because even when I sent the only picture I had, I think they understood more than I did how close it had been. I was transported by ambulance, with concern for a spinal injury as well as abdominal bleeding and minor concern for shoulder injury. Most assuaged, I was released the same day (many hours later), all good. Obviously, extremely in pain and with some anti inflammatories, muscle relaxers, and they gave me Rx lidocaine patches. (On top of my normal pain management meds). They diagnosed whiplash and that was all.
The following week (so last week), I went to my PCP, who ordered a wrist X-ray for severe bruising that had popped up and the pain that never stopped, and he diagnosed a sprain when it came back clear (although that hand keeps going numb, so we'll see). He diagnosed the concussion as well and muscle spasms in my back and shoulders, the one shoulder's acute pain from the seatbelt, gave me a higher dosage muscle relaxer and stronger anti-inflammatory. I mentioned my ribs, again (as I had in the ER), but then played it down. That was my own fault. He mentioned my being out of breath, and again, I played it down.
The very next day I was even more out of breath and I had to go to urgent care to get a drug test for my job (because I had been working at the time of my crash - company policy). While there, I asked if she could glance at my ribs - and she noticed the deep bruising. She ordered an X-ray when I told her the whole thing, because, in her words, she was slightly worried about the possibility of a pneumothorax and wanted to rule it out.
I mentioned this to my friend group discord chat. The very last part - that I was now getting a chest x-ray because of what that doctor said. The friends response was... odd. They seemed to want to be riling me up? Like, immediately began going 'prepare for surgery' etc., almost... egging on the worst case scenario. And I basically went... can you, like, not joke about this? I already have enough going on, I really don't need more anxiety.
And they went, "who said I was joking?" and the some other comment I can't remember. And then said "In my opinion you seem to thrive on the negative medical things that happen in a way."
So yeah. I'm usually extremely calm. But I very coldly went "What the fuck does that mean?"
They told me I SEEK OUT medically complex things to worry about and hyperfixate on. Then said that I had "rampant hypochondria."
...huh??? I'm sorry, what? This is all coming from someone who ALSO has complex health. I so don't get it. This person basically said, oh, I'm saying this for your own good, because I was a hypochondriac too, etc etc. and basically... I was like I have no clue what the fuck you're talking about. Because I don't go do research and look for anything at all. Anything and everything I updated my friends on is told to me by my doctor's as either the next step, a possibility, like an ACTUAL likely possibility that we are actively exploring as a team together focused on my health; or it's HAPPENING. And my feelings on that might be anxious because I don't know what comes next, because we don't have answers. But being anxious about something that is actually REALISTIC and being actively explored and presented by DOCTORS as a possibility is not hypochondria.
This friend then tried to fight me on that definition, which is just .. absolutely wild. Because again, hypochondria is undue and abnormal health anxiety. I dare anyone with my health to not be anxious about it. 😂 I literally get compliments and comments from the people in my daily life about how they cannot imagine how I'm doing it. And that's after they see ONE episode. And some of that is coming from people who ARE HEALTHCARE WORKERS, literally!!!
I'm just... I'm still so wildly stunned. I'm so caught off guard. I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm betrayed. This person is the LAST one I thought it would come from.
I make it a POINT to never compare. Whenever others try, they say 'oh, but I shouldn't complain XYZ," I am SO quick to correct that. We don't play that game, here. Not in my house, not in my bubble, not in my circle of love and support and friendships. But this friend also said in this whole thing that they're uncomfortable talking about their health issues because of... Me talking about mine??? And I basically said a much longer version of that ^, but then added, y'know, I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable but at the end of the day, you can't put that on me or anyone else. It's really ableist to be thinking like that. Everyone is different and me sharing updates with y'all because you've told me you want to hear them and you love me just like I want to hear yours and love you all , has nothing to do with your ability to share your stuff too? And if that's an obstacle for you that's something you need to work on, not take out on me.
There's so much more. I'm just going to stop there. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm sick to my stomach. Of all the people in that server, a server I have been in for... I mean, over 5 years, now, I want to say? My second family? What was supposed to be. What claimed to be. Of all of them, one person stood up for me. And maybe because only one was online. But no one else except one of the teens has reached out, and of course I let him know I was alright and wished him luck, gave him my email for if he ever needed something. (It was very sweet that he checked in, I really only responded because I didn't want him to worry.) But I won't maintain a 1-1 conversation with a minor. Especially as a teacher, that's highly inappropriate - my typical rule is I won't even converse with minors 1-1 on the internet, I just won't. This server has many minors who stick together and a few educators who look out for them, so I know they're safe and all. Everyone there takes safety very seriously at least.
I'm just... Ridiculously disappointed. More than disappointed. I don't know if I can trust people again, honestly. I've worked really hard to open up. It took me... years, after a lifetime of trauma and being guilted for having human needs, much less adding in disability and extra things. I don't see it happening again.

I'm chronically ill, I'm poor, short and ugly, and I don't have friends or a support group. I don't have a job and I've always dua to the Lord just hoping to get some money from doing youtube or trading (Can't do corporate/labor work because of chronic health) and yet it never happened. I know people are gonna say Allah is gonna compensate me on the day of Judgement. But how do I know? If the prophet was here, I could ask him on what to do, but he's not here. I asked the Lord and there's no response of course. I just need a sign... something. What should I do now? I'm 25 and nothing is going my way. Atleast, just hoping I could get 1 million views (I would get around 1000 USD) and the other videos will pick up soon. That's all I ask.... It's where I feel like why should I pray, or why should I recite the Quran and why not just end myself since nothing is going my way. Easy for others to say I should be grateful coz they have good health, or have a good source of income, or the people and the kids able to die as a martyr young from war (one of the best blessings ever). Me? I'm not winning anything right now. Just using my parents money to buy food and meds. Like a useless being that I am