Brother poems

The Scriptures seem to imply that the kingdom of God isn't exactly synonymous with what is called "the Church." The Church was a temporary eschatological community of believers that existed on earth in preparation of a kingdom where God Himself would reign, and said community had Christ reign over them in the meantime. The head of the Church was Christ, with the Father serving as his head (1 Cor. 11:3). The Scriptures teach that, when all Christ's enemies were to be made his footstool, he was to give back all authority to the Father (Psa. 110:1, 1 Cor. 15:22-28), and it is this page's belief that this happened in 70 AD.
The following quotation is from the above hyperlink:

As for the "1000 years" mentioned in Revelation, they are apocalyptic metaphor for the 40 years Christ "reigned" (triumphed) over his enemies both human and spirit, with the final triumph being the judgement of apostate Jerusalem. The "1000 years" began with his ascension, and ended with this judgement.

Thus, the community to replace the Church on earth was to be the kingdom of God. But, what even is the kingdom of God, and why did God have to reclaim authority of His own creation in the first place?
To be as succinct as possible: man sinned, and so the great level of authority God initially granted us ourselves over the creation was stripped. As a result, the human condition has suffered and it must be redeemed for God to allow us to reign with Him in the way that He originally intended for us. God has always been sovereign, of course, but He seeks the good of man to make us stewards over His world with Him, as that was His original plan and this was His original view of what a kingdom of His truly looks like: a kingdom characterized by man's love for Him and love for others.
A Biblical understanding of Adam's sin, contrary to popular thought, isn't that we are guilty of what he did personally. We simply inherit his fallen nature and a fallen world as a result of his sin, the same way a baby could leave the womb already addicted to certain substances because the mother abused said substances while pregnant. It's not the baby's fault for its condition, it was the parent's. But the baby is born with this condition and enters the world like this nonetheless.
The implication of this is that we are all only guilty of our own sins, and whether or not we ever seek to treat (or possibly cure) our condition in the first place is on us. We were dealt a bad hand due to Adam, sure, but God doesn't hold us responsible for what our forefather did. God only holds us responsible for what we do, and whether or not we seek to be liberated from the dark forces which keep us in bondage to our sinful condition (Gen. 4:6-7, Deut. 24:16, Jer. 31:30, Ezek. 18, Matt. 9:9-13).
The whole Old Testament is essentially a record of God's people constantly breaking their covenant(s) with Him. There are individuals mentioned throughout that were, of course, commended by God and the Biblical authors for their righteousness in honestly pursuing to remain faithful to their covenant with Him. But even the best of these people often faltered and, in fact, did rather heinous things in their lives at one point or another. One of the greatest examples of this is king David, who was literally called by the Scriptures "a man after God's own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14, Acts 13:22). Yet, this same man at one point committed adultery and then murdered the man he stole the wife of to try and cover it up. This was a heinous thing, and David repented of what he did with genuine sorrow and guilt toward God. God ultimately forgave him, but not without a heavy hand of chastisement and earthly consequences for his actions.
All throughout the Old Testament, you see various men of God who were deemed righteous, but these same men were usually shown to have some major flaw that prevented them from living a life that could be characterized as consistent obedience to the commandments to love God and love others as themselves. There is something deeply wrong with man's heart, according to the Bible. Something so wrong, in fact, that a whole prophecy had to be given that promised to address the issue of man's seeming incapability to accomplish fulfilling the commandment to love consistently on their own without some sort of divine help from above:

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh."-Ezekiel 36:26

Naturalistic philosophies see the physical world as all that exists. Humans beings are the result of mindless, chance causes and processes. Humans are essentially animals – highly evolved, but no different in significance than any other living thing. Thus naturalistic views demote humans. But this view leaves a lot unexplained. Why do humans practice altruism, benevolence, or acts of heroism? What explains acts of incredible goodness? Sure, naturalistic arguments have been made that true altruism doesn't exist, and that "unconditional love" is really just an illusion that's been disguised very well by our survival instincts that we've developed over a long period of time at certain stages of our evolutionary process. However, many people have found such arguments to be unpersuasive and naive when compared to their actual experience of the world as they mature in their lives and have what they know to be truly meaningful experiences that can't simply be reduced in the way that the naturalist wishes them to be. This realization was ultimately why I transitioned from hard atheism to agnostic spiritualism at one point or another.
On the other extreme of these things, transcendental worldviews and philosophies say that the physical world is illusory. Only the spiritual world is ultimately real. Humans are an expression of the divine spirit that is the essence of all things. If naturalistic views demote humans to the level of animals, transcendental views promote human beings. God is not “out there” somewhere; we are God. God is all, thus God is us. But this view doesn’t explain real evil. Why are people selfish? Why do they hurt others? What accounts for personal acts of evil like rape or terrorism? If we are all truly "God," then why would we ever do such things to what is ultimately "ourself"? And why can't a person who practices the belief that we are all actually "God" be only loving? There are so many people who adopt this view of reality who are constantly, day by day, finding that they struggle to be as truly loving as they wish to be because they will still sometimes find themselves thinking and doing rather evil and selfish things. I can speak from experience here, remembering throwing myself into the New Age movement when I was desperately seeking what I did not know at the time was forgiveness for and redemption from my sins because of who I was as a person up until that point. I was seeking the mythic "ego death" that promised me that I could truly be loving and find the forgiveness and redemption I was searching for, because I thought that if only I truly realized I was "God" all along, I could then accomplish these things all at once and simultaneously. I eventually found even this philosophy unsatisfactory when I came to the aforementioned conclusions concerning our great capacity for evil, and also realized that forgiveness can only exist if there are two parties: forgiver and forgivee. Such a thing is impossible if there is only really one being at play at the bottom of reality, and I knew deep down that forgiving oneself (at least, on its own) will never satisfy one's pursuit for redemption that we all inherently take part in whenever pursuing to mend even our own relationships with each other as humans. Further, love would be an illusion in this philosophy too, being that there is only really one party behind and in all of existence if "everything is God." Such an idea would make true altruism a farce, as well. There would be no such thing as real sacrifice for another, because in this worldview, there is no "another."
The French mathematician and Christian philosopher Blaise Pascal said, “Man’s greatness and wretchedness are so evident that the true religion must necessarily teach both.” Any philosophy that cannot fully account for human greatness and human depravity at the same time should be abandoned because it misses something obvious about the human condition. The religion of the Bible has a valid explanation for human greatness: people are made in God’s image. Thus we have dignity, value, and capacity for good. The Bible also explains human evil: the image of God has been defaced by sin. Our great capacity gets used for the wrong purposes. Our creativity is placed in the service of evil and our best intentions twisted for selfish gain. Something has gone terribly wrong. While other worldviews unduly demote or promote humanity, the Bible gets the tension just right.
Thus, human nature is puzzling and conflicting. Other worldviews—both secular and religious—struggle to account for this enigma, and don't offer satisfying solutions to the problem itself. The Bible, however, explains what happened when it tells us that man rebelled against God in the paradise that was prepared for him called "the Garden of Eden." We fell into temptation and estranged ourselves from God by tarnishing the image we were created in, and now are born with a natural proclivity to do evil, despite our best efforts to do good (that is, to do good consistently).
And so, the Bible promised a solution in the prophet Ezekiel that God will literally change our natural human condition, if we simply choose to humble ourselves before Him in faith to allow for such a change. While as unbelievers our inner disposition towards God is often rebellious, we at least still have the capacity to choose to do the righteous thing in seeking God that He may change us and forgive us if we so let Him. This is one reason why Jesus, (the one who made the fulfillment of Ezekiel's prophecy even possible by his coming, sacrifice, ressurection, and outpouring of the Spirit upon his ascension), said that only faith the size of a mustard seed was required for something so miraculous as moving a mountian to happen, because so little is required from us to allow God to change us into the kind of person He's always wanted us to be, and yet changing the condition of our own heart can be compared to literally moving a mountain if we were to try and do so on our own strength alone. The mustard seed was the smallest of seeds, and yet if one simply planted it and nurtured it, it could become a bush so large that it was comparable to a tree with branches that stretched to the heavens for the very birds of the air to rest on.
It was when I came to these realizations that I prayed to God for the first time again, having been years since I did so, going so far back as to when I was a little child even. I prayed in the dead of night in my room, and asked God to show me the truth and to reveal Himself to me if indeed these things were true, and in an instant I felt His very presence in my room, and my heart was changed. To describe such an experience would be like trying to describe the taste of something to the man born without tastebuds, the color of something to the man born blind, or the sound of something to the man born deaf; there are no words, and it is only something you can know by experiencing it for yourself. Suddenly and all at once, I knew right then and there that Jesus really was who he said he was, that the one true God is the God of the Bible, and that I have been forgiven. As the time of this post, it's been 5 years since then, I'm 23 now, and I'm still walking with God.
My prayer for anyone reading this that may not know God for themselves yet is that one day, you will too.
Back to the topic at hand.
When Adam sinned, we fell under the tyranny of death, corruption, evil heavenly powers, and sin itself. When Jesus came, Jesus was the new and exalted human, the new Adam, through whom humanity could now realize their original destiny that was laid out for them in the Garden of Eden. Because Jesus, being a man, obeyed unto death, he has defeated the powers which held us so long under bondage; we are now promised liberation so long as we simply place our faith in his sacrifice to wash us of our sins and receive the Spirit of God that is also promised to all who exercise this faith.
We often think of ‘the gospel’ as the part that brings the forgiveness of sins (and of course, that is part of the idea), but ‘gospel’ is the announcement that everything has changed in the coming of Jesus and it leads us to a new kind of living.
The gospel Jesus preached and the gospel the apostle Paul preached were different, in that Jesus preached of a kingdom where God reigns directly and with all His faithful subjects as participants in that reign. The gospel Paul preached was about the exaltation and reign of Christ, and because Christ reigned, the consummation of the kingdom of God with earth could now finally take place (Col. 1:12-13). This consummation was put on hold during Christ's "millennial" reign, which transpired between his ascension and his return. However, the consummation has come to full fruition since that return.
We will be arguing for some of these claims by pointing out how central the kingdom of God actually was to Jesus' earthly ministry and message, and demonstrate what Jesus taught about how it actually looks like.
The term 'kingdom' appears 53 times in 42 places in Matthew, 17 times in 13 places in Mark, and 41 times in 29 places in Luke. When the 'kingdom' is qualified, Luke always refers to the 'kingdom of God' (32 times) and Mark follows this pattern (14 times). Matthew, on the other hand, prefers the term "kingdom of heaven" (31 times), using the phrase to refer to the same idea "kingdom of God" only four times: 12:28, 19:24, 21:31, 43.
The Gospel of Luke records an event where Jesus responds to the population that lived near Simon Peter's house who believed in him after he had done his miraculous work there, but saw that he was leaving them:

"And when it was day, he departed and went into a desert place: and the people sought him, and came unto him, and stayed him, that he should not depart from them. And he said unto them, I must preach the kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore [i.e., for this pupose] am I sent." (vss. 42-43)

The Greek word euangelion is often translated as the word 'gospel.' In the Bible, this word is always used whenever it concerns the announcement of the reign of a new king. And in the New Testament, the Gospels themselves use this word or the phrase "good news" to summarize all of Jesus’ teachings. They say he went about “preaching the gospel [good news] of the kingdom [of God]” (Matt. 4:23).
There’s this beautiful poem in the Old Testament, and it’s in chapter 52 of the Book of Isaiah. The city of Jerusalem had just been destroyed by Babylon, a great kingdom in the North. Many of the inhabitants of the city have been sent away into exile, but a few remained in the city, and they’re left wondering, "What happened? Has our God abandoned us?" This was because Jerusalem was supposed to be the city where God would reign over the world to bring peace and blessing to everyone.
Now, Isaiah had been saying that Jerusalem’s destruction was a mess of Israel’s own making. They had turned away from their God, become corrupt, and so their city and their temple were destroyed. Everything seemed lost. But the poem goes on. There is a watchman on the city walls, and far out on the hills we see a messenger. He’s running towards the city. He’s running and he’s shouting, “Good news!” And Isaiah says, “How beautiful are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings [news]” (vs. 7a). The feet are beautiful because they’re carrying a beautiful message. And what’s the message? That despite Jerusalem’s destruction, Israel’s God still reigns as king, and that God's presence is going to one day return with His city, take up His throne, and bring peace. And the watchmen sing for joy because of the good news that their God still reigns (vs. 10).
Jesus saw himself as the messenger bringing the news that God reigns. Jesus also claimed to be the Son of man. This was Jesus' favorite self-designation, being used some 80 times in the Gospels. Notice, not just a son of man, but the Son of Man. Jesus was directing our attention to a vision described by the prophet Daniel:

"I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him. And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that all people, nations, and languages, should serve him:"-Daniel 7:13-14a

At Jesus' trial, the Jewish high priest accused Jesus: "Art thou the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed [God]?" His answer left no room for doubt. "I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven." (Mark 14:61-62). Because Jesus' was rejected and killed for threatening the power the religious authorities had over the people, the consummation of God's kingdom with earth had been put on hold until all of Christ's enemies would be put under his feet after his ressurection and ascension.
But again, what is the kingdom of God? What does it look like exactly?
Well, the way that Jesus described God’s reign surprised everybody. I mean, think about it. A powerful, successful kingdom needs to be strong, able to impose its will, and able to defeat its enemies in physical combat. But Jesus said the greatest person in God’s kingdom was the weakest, the one who loves and who serves the poor (Matt. 23:11-12). He said you live under God’s reign when you respond to evil by loving your enemies, and forgiving them, and seeking peace (Matt. 5). To us, this is an upside-down kingdom. But to God, it's right-side up. This was what God had originally planned for us: a kingdom where God reigns in our hearts.

"Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."-John 3:3

Jesus was being quite literal here. You can’t see the kingdom until you’re born again and have the life of that kingdom. When you’re born again, you start 'seeing' differently. You see what others don’t see, you hear what others don’t hear, you know what others don’t know. And yet you may be physically in the same earthly location as they.
The kingdom of God is the totality of God’s influence that covers the world and heaven. It’s everywhere, but its manifestation isn’t everywhere. It manifests on earth wherever there are those who are born again and live as if God reigns in their hearts.
Before Jesus, John the Baptist announced to all people, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand!” (Matt. 3:1-2), as he saw a soon coming kingdom of God that would be ushered in by the Messiah. Notice that John the Baptist didn’t say that something “like” the kingdom would come and he didn’t say that the real kingdom might be thousands of years away. He said over and over that THE kingdom was at hand! Do you believe him? Did God inspire him to give a clear and accurate message or a mistaken one? If we dare to believe him, things might become surprisingly clear, simple and exceedingly optimistic.

"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."-Matthew 6:10

Jesus taught his followers of his generation to pray that God's kingdom come and that His will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Why pray for something that will just inevitably come by force, unless it was actually through our willing participation? That is, unless God's will is carried out through us "in earth, as it is in heaven"?

"Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel."-Mark 1:14-15

It's very telling that these are the very first words the Gospel of Mark chooses to record Jesus as saying.
The kingdom is NOT something to wait for. Jesus says the kingdom is NOT something visible, and it is NOT something in the sky. The Kingdom Jesus taught is a spiritual reality that comes into the world through us. Considering that Jesus even said the kingdom was in and among the Pharisees in Luke 17, which seems almost offensive to consider, perhaps it is like a spiritual seed that has been planted inside each of us, and that activating faith in God makes it grow.

"Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it."-Luke 13:18-19

Jesus talked about the kingdom as if it would be a present reality, yet one that was growing in the world like a seed grows into a tree.

"And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God? It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened."-Luke 13:20-21

To Jesus, the kingdom was something growing in us like yeast through dough, increasing in effectiveness.

"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost."-Romans 14:17
"For the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power."-1 Corinthians 4:20

Paul says the kingdom isn’t something you taste or touch like physical food. It’s not even saying the right words. But rather the kingdom comes in the realities of righteousness, peace, joy and power that flavor our lives when we live empowered by the Spirit of God and God's Spirit in us.
Since Jesus the Messiah returned only 40 years after his earthly ministry, putting all enemies under his feet, the complete consummation of earth with the kingdom of heaven has finally taken place.
The kingdom of God has come, and it continues to come through us as believers. It makes progress like light shining into the world and dispelling the darkness.

"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."-Matthew 5:14-16

Most Preterists affirm that we are in the kingdom of God now. That is, we believe that through faith in Jesus Christ's atonement we enter into the kingdom of God, which is spiritual. We speak of the spiritual nature of the kingdom. We speak of God dwelling with men. We affirm God’s presence with us. We even affirm that we are in the new heavens and new earth. But the question remains: If we have all of this now, how does this translate into a proper view of “the afterlife”? (Hereafter this term will refer to consciousness and the new body after physical expiration of this body in this mortal realm.) In other words, how does this translate into a hopeful view of the afterlife?
We must dispel a dismal doctrine floating around that this is all there is. There are some Preterists who teach that we are in the kingdom in the here and now, but when we physically expire it is all over. We simply turn to dust. What follows will prove this idea to be dreadfully wrong. This will be evident not so much by proving what we will not have after our body dies; rather, it will be evident by proving that what we have now is eternally enduring, because we have immortality.
“He who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” Jesus said this to Martha after her brother Lazarus had physically died. She was a real woman who had a real conscience and a real life experience. Lazarus was physically dead; therefore we must take this into consideration as we try to make sense of Jesus’ subsequent words:

"Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again. Martha saith unto him, I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?"-John 11:23-26

The Jews obviously believed in a resurrection of the dead. Martha did too. But Jesus tells her that he is the resurrection and the life. However, he doesn’t stop there. He begins to both qualify and quantify this life: “He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live” (vs. 25b). At this point we might still infer from his words that he is referring to physical life, but his next words contradict that idea: “And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die” (vs. 26a). Let’s paraphrase his words to elucidate his view of resurrection: “I am the spiritual resurrection and life. Your brother has died physically, but he will rise with a ‘better resurrection’ (Heb. 11:35). He who believes in me, though he were physically dead like Lazarus, yet shall he spiritually live. And he who is presently physically living shall never die spiritually.” Some try to convolute this text by inferring that Christ was speaking of two resurrections. But his statement that he is the resurrection and the life prohibits that concept. Finally, he is obviously not stating that he who lives and believes in Christ will not physically die. If this were his meaning, then we would have to conclude that no one ever truly believed in him, for all of us still physically die; or we would have to conclude that he was mistaken or was lying, neither of which is an option within the parameters of the Biblical faith.
Obviously those who question this idea will ask questions like, “So this is heaven?” By “this” their minds usually gravitate back to what they see, hear, and feel and not to what the Scripture says. They fail to make a distinction between the physical realm and the spiritual realm. We must remind them that even they will confess that God dwells in their hearts. They would never say that this is a physical dwelling place. In fact they will gladly tell us that our hearts are the spiritual dwelling place of God, a fact with which we would agree. So it should not seem a strange thing that all the blessings mentioned in Revelation chapters 21 and 22 are bound up in the affirmation that God dwells in our hearts, presently. God does not cease to dwell in our hearts in the afterlife. He merely continues to live out His presence with us both here and hereafter.

beauty
which i have now
fades so quick
i can’t even grasp it
actors and actresses
statues looking at you
only the garb changes
one of the strongest emerging social trends that arise as a consequence of increased longevity is a necessity to think about slowing cognitive decline in the over 50’s which means attention to diet and supplements, exercise , general fitness and "wear and tear", alcohol and drug consumption
my feeling is we are going to see sharp divides between subcultures in this respect and a lot of individual variation
also, a lot of the public health advice and cultural opinions are wrong minded or ill-informed, you have to do your own research and experimentation
a way of looking at the covid public health debacle (which continues despite the cardiovascular and cancer risks of boosters) was to trade off a reduced death rate in the elderly for an increased vaccine injury problem for the young
a verse by touzi on #3 of master fushan’s sixteen themes translated by suru
the death within life
birds clench the falling blossoms before the emerald cliffs, every word responds to conditions, spreading throughout — they ask of coming west, pointing to the cypress in the yard, but how could the passage through the lush mountain peaks be shut ?
活中死。鳥銜華落碧嵓前。對境皆言到處傳。人問西來指庭柏。豈關蒼翠嶺頭穿。
my reply:
what cannot be shut
is always open
but to avoid the common herd
it is disguised
why write things people understand ?
they just make your life a misery with their missionizing of a contrary view
to confuse them is better
they can’t target you
no "master"
except the claim
fantasies about reality
seek a center
its doesn’t exist
non-existence or otherwise
ed. zen is full of fake claims to authority by the appellation of "zen master", same with any religion and its "pooh-bahs"
that’s the trouble with writing
its lasts forever
so
necessarily
you are writing forever
i am appreciating the philosopher gilles deleuze more
the untranslated portion at the end goes
so you understand, when you have such an idea, the important is not to know whether it is true or false
the question is to know if it is important, if it is interesting, and if it is beautiful
and it is the same in science, it is the same in philosophy, you know
waterslipt
a furball
widening ripples on
the smooth surface
of a reflective river
a platypus
ed. i was having lunch at a clearing on the bank of the mersey rivestream near the eastern end of bridle track road, the day was amazingly clear and windless and the river smooth and i noticed a platypus working its way feeding on the bottom to surface occasionally for breath then go back down again
this morning i serendipitously put on a shirt and trousers that "matched", i have always been sceptical of the concept, but since there are clothes that don’t match, there must be those that do match, though what constitutes the female sense of this, i still cannot fathom
the abdication of the duke of windsor was in fact a surface effect of a deeper political struggle, would britain become a client state of germany or would it resist ?
the outcome was not as obvious as you might think
taking actors as real
and a set as reality
is it any wonder
the dissembling mess
collapses ?
the circle of the contemporary
rubbish generating more rubbish
stay there at your own risk
sharing the same road for a while
but later
looking at the forks and branches
i realise
we are apart
inscribed on the tower at veneration monastery
in cold spring, a hundred-foot tower
i climb up alone, and then back down alone
who can manage such distances of the heart ?
david hinton
classical chinese poetry
the poet is tu mu (803 to 853 a.d.) with a bio on page 378 of the "classical chinese poetry" pdf link
definitely medieval with the mention of a functional tower
an interesting thing about frieda hughes is she did not have her mother’s talent, of course neither did ted
there is just a remarkable depth to sylvia plath’s work and this was despite all the obstacles, what genetic quirk created her or would , if her parents had more children, they have a similar talent ?
this prosaic world
because its written in prose of course
its not a poetic world
because its not written in poetry
if you take away the "zen master" or saint or prophet as an authority figure, what do you then have ?
Regulus replies:
People acceptant of the existent reality
my reply:
the monk asked zen master regulus "what is required to be enlightened" ?
zen master regulus replied "be accepting of existing reality"
the monk was left speechless
lee smolin doesn’t like jonathon oppemheim’s stochastic gravity approach
its interesting to watch lee talk with the constant gesticulatory body movements, almost tourette's, but he is using them to think, they are part of his cognition process
how simple is the world ?
its not that simple
and certainly not as simple as the way we view it to be
insight
takes you back
and obviates
some future lives
the brain
is
a
quantum
machine
words in a story
believable or unbelievable ?
don’t
be
fooled
.
words in a story
believable or unbelievable ?
don’t be fooled
so much knowledge
everywhere
each branch opens up exponentially
drowning in detail
its pursuer
i guess i have got so interested in hearts because of hunting and looking at them, in one animal, it beat for minutes cut out from the body; never seen any that had human like aging diseases
i think as a society we have lost touch with our own raw "viscerality", i hunt for my own meat; the killing, butchering and eating does bring one back in touch with that, the commonality with our homonin history
heart and lungs animation
the number of people who have no understanding of what even moderate levels of drinking does to their lives and long term health
you have won the existential lottery where the odds are so small of winning, no number covers it and to chip away at brain function with drugs and alcohol like that . . .
you want to experiment with doing some translation yourself with google and you will realise how its possible to construct almost any sense out of the chinese, its actually not meaningful to do any commentary without going back to the chinese, the variance is so large, translators follow their own biases to create a narrative that suits them
“ continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle on the milky way ”
wordsworth’s famous poem which he wrote based on notes by his sister dorothy was in effect co-authored by her
strangers to me
thirty years of no contact
exile speaks
of unwanted distance
.
strangers to me
thirty years of no contact
exile speaks
unwanted distance
ed. looking at a photo of my sister, niece and brother in law who are all very much changed since i last saw them notions of exile are not common in western literature, but are certainly there in the chinese
lost roads
can’t be recovered
what we have travelled
always
takes us
to
a different place
i love a sotherby’s auction , vast sums spent for my entertainment, all free, it don’t get slicker, a living made from networking skills and being personable
i was about to go negative on the painting by lucy bull, but on looking further i quite like her work
you have to be careful, auctioneers like these can talk the money out of your wallet
xu qiyao’s advice to his son on being successful in CCP politics
“ the path of understanding requires objectivity and experience ”
ed. the above is my reworking of the first lines of the xinxin ming which, amongst its more "normal" translations is
“ the great way is not difficult, just avoid picking and choosing ”
the xinxin ming is an abridged version of the mind inscription
心性不生何須知見
“ reality is either itself or not. is there any point to understanding this ? ”
ed. my translation of the first line of the "mind inscription"
"don’t interrupt your enemy when he’s making a mistake" — napoleon
i think in the context of divorce , what people find difficult is the necessity of switching to the extreme mindset of being at war and all that entails because that is what is immediately required
billie and finneas o’connell discuss how they created the "what am i made for" song for the film "barbie"
billie in her own words describes the process
“ Dr. Raszek provides insights from his participation in a comprehensive review concerning the utilization of synthetic uridines in mRNA vaccines (ed. covid) and their potential implications for cancer development
The discussion delves into the intricate mechanisms that could be at play, exploring how these synthetic components might inadvertently suppress the body's innate immune system, induce frameshifting phenomena, and contribute to the production of IgG4 antibodies, all of which could potentially influence cancer growth ”
my comment
i think we can expect an upsurge in cancers, especially amongst the elderly as a result of the misguidedly intensive "booster" campaign, though it may take a while to show
the forward momentum
of habituation
leading
to
habits
that
become
unbreakable
the fallacy of "negation"
its not this, its not that
but its what its not
negation is a stylised buddhist rhetorical technique, nāgārjuna of course and you get it in dogen, they’ll say something then walk it back through its negation
but having walked it forwards, there is a sense in which it can’t be walked back or it could not be walked forwards another way of putting it is there is no ontological unity, everything is constantly splitting apart
zen masters and the authority they carry are literary constructs
buddha is a literary construct
jesus, muhammad and moses are literary constructs
the egyptian book of the dead is a literary construct
does it bother you that your advice is so bad ?
no
the blindness of narcissism

My(19m) two friends, we'll call them Charlie(19m) and Isabella(18f), are in a relationship with one another. I used to be best friends with Charlie before I moved. But when I moved we lost contact and fell apart. I recently moved back however, and that's when all of this started. I've known Isabella for years and we're really good friends, like borderline best friends recently. Isabella talks to me about her relationship with Charlie, and it's not the best picture. He's cheated on her, lied to her about it, stolen from her, lied to her about it, withheld rent money, refused to pay bills, refused to go to work, refused to clean, didn't remember her bday, wrote her a poem on a card 5 days later, didn't take care of their animals; they have have 3 cats, 5 kittens, and a dog; wore a catpiss covered jacket to work, refused to shower for 3 days, gaslights her, gives her ultimatums, has broken multiple items of hers, and just generally treats her "like a child he doesn't like that he's babysitting." To give context, she works 60 hours a week just to make ends meet. He has a job that pays $2 an hour more than her job that she got him. She bikes 20 mins to work at the ass crack of dawn. He walks 2 mins. She has one day off the whole week. He intentionally misses work and has even asked me to cover for him. I have no idea what to do, because on one hand, Charlie's my boy, and I shouldn't mingle in the affairs of my boy even if I know hes wrong. But on the other hand, Isabella is my friend and it feels wrong to see my friend in a toxic relationship and not try to get them out of it. It feels wrong to turn a blind eye to what is so obviously an abusive relationship just because I know the dude, even if at one point in time we were like brothers. So what do I do?

People wonder how poets are born,
to form a sweet prophet in a womb,
would likely bring nothing but gloom.
Rather, I believe we are molded in a time of great mourning
In a black and white dress, surrounded by death.
My first funeral at age five, was my great-grandmother whom I loved for as long as I was alive.
I asked my aunt “Why would God take someone we love?”
With the ocean in her eyes, She says “It's his plan from up above.”
I weep as I look down upon her cold face feigning sleep,
wishing once more for GG’s warm embrace.
She whispered great pearls of wisdom in my ears, for no one else but me to hear.
Though all of that knowledge has washed away now,
I’d beg her to repeat them but that is not something death allows.
My cousin calls me Rain as we listen to the pastor and his proses,
We sulk in sunny summer cemeteries surrounded by Ruth’s July roses.
Reminiscent of her crimson rubies, I remember she said I would bloom into a great beauty.
Salt slicks my lily face as she’s lowered into her final resting place.
my friends state how I am lucky to miss a day of school
I say they are lucky to still be fools,
To not know the fright of a call in the dead of night,
Or the sight of your father tearfully being ushered
to carry yet another closed casket along with five brothers.
By age eleven I no longer believed in God’s great heaven, for I have suffered
Seven Tragic Family Messes,
Seven little black and white dresses,
Seven wakes I wanted to sleep through,
My Family being “taken by God” isn't brand new.
So some think that poets are born,
But my first poem was a eulogy,
I spoke it wearing GG’s rose rubies.

Poem. If I die tonight . Rashek Chandler
Father, If I may be called home tonight.
Please give me one more hour to make it right.
One chance to tell your people about Christ
One moment to repent for my wrongs and to be humble as an Israelite
Father, If I die tonight
Hear my one last prayer
Allow me to use the very breath you gave me
To tell my brothers I forgive them
And to release themselves from the strongholds of hatred
Father, If I die tonight
Allow me to give an ear to your daughters
To give wisdom to the little ones
Allow me to give peace to the mothers
And the fathers encouragement
Father If I die tonight
I will put my all in you
I will not allow myself to undermine you
For you are my light
With your law how can I see myself in you and make peace with my enemies If your law wasn't true
Father, If I die tonight
Let me not die in vain
Cause my heart to remember your precepts
When I am shadowed by fear
Father, If I die tonight
Allow me one more hour
Allow me one more breath
To praise your holy name
To give all honor and righteousness
To say thank lord for this day If I die tonight.

Heartfelt thanks to Vlada for her wonderful characters and for her willingness to share insanely interesting answers with her readers.
___
Dario
Q: Dario, what was your favorite fairy tale as a child and why? And perhaps you still do?
A: Fairy tales have too much chaos for my taste. But I've always loved instructive tales. In seminary, I even wrote an essay on “King Thrushbeard” by the Brothers Grimm.
Q: What admonition do you most often give to those who come to you for confession?
A: The secret of confession doesn't allow me to talk about it, and besides, everything is very individualized. *Grins faintly* But if you are eager to know the answer, come to the temple, and I will be glad to listen to you.
Q: Which of the seven deadly sins do you consider the most serious and why?
A: Sin is a sin that is equally afflicting to the immortal soul. This is what any priest will answer you. As for my personal opinion, pride is the queen of sins. For those who consider themselves superior to others, although by the will of the Primordial One we are all equal, are going against His plan.
Q: How do you manage to look so luxurious at 45 years old?
A: *Laughs quietly* Thank you for the compliment.
Q: Did you become a priest because of sincere faith or because of ambition and a thirst for power?
A: I became a priest because I had no other choice. Everything turned out well, because I have never regretted my calling. *Looks away* And I hope I don’t regret it.
___
Richard
Q: Tell us about your hobby. What do you like to do in your spare time?
A: I don't have much free time. But, if such moments arise, I prefer to spend them in my office with a book and wine.
Q: Do you have any other favorite authors besides Thomas Hardy? Perhaps there are certain preferences specifically in English literature?
A: I value depth in literature. But not darkness. For example, I don’t always like Dickens, and not all of Hardy’s works. I love “Far from the Madding Crowd,” the tabula rasa theme of Kipling and the Russian authors. I recently read “The Name of the Rose” by Eco, and also found this work interesting.
Q: Since what age have you lived in Venice?
A: For a long time. *Purses his lips, clearly not wanting to answer further*
Q: What qualities are the most important for an inquisitor of the Order of the Primordial?
A: Logic, attentiveness, physical strength. Loyalty to Him, of course.
Q: Has there ever been love in your life?
A: I don't think so.
___
Raven
Q: What knowledge about life would you like to pass on to young leaders from your past years?
A: From the heights of my years, I realized that no one needs other people’s knowledge, and everything is much better understood from one’s own experience, no matter how bitter it may be.
Q: In such a long life you have seen different things. What is it like to watch from the sidelines the fall of empires and the disappearance of civilizations?
A: How many people today know about my age. *Bows his head, almost sarcastically* I’ll satisfy your curiosity. When you talk about the fall of an empire, you probably imagine epic battles or legendary deeds. I saw the other side. Take, for example, the Hundred Years' War. How many ballads have been written about the great Battle of Agincourt! About the brave English archers who defeated the outnumbered French. But do you know what I remember about this battle? I remember a barn where a chicken was killed by a poorly aimed arrow.
Q: You must be amazing at speaking many (if not all, including dead languages) of the world. Don't they get mixed up in your head? Which language was harder to learn and which one was easier?
A: Believe me, I've had time to “put my knowledge on the shelves”. Germanic languages are easy for me. Eastern languages are the worst.
Q: The mask undoubtedly restrains you in expressing emotions, although readers have noticed that you express emotions through gestures. Did it take a long time to learn and what were the first steps?
A: *Nods so that you immediately realize he's smiling* It's a matter of practice. I like to make a certain impression, and through trial and error I learned to do it without a face.
Q: From your profile we know that you are inspired by shipbuilding. How do you feel when you see your ship?
A: Freedom. Ships remind me of freedom. And how one storm can end everything.
___
Nikolai
Q: Nikolai, what was your first impression of Lady Crow?
A: *Smiles seductively* I found Madam Crowe a very attractive and interesting person, who has the same devilishness that is not alien to me.
Q: A girl with what character traits would you consider a perfect match for you?
A: In love, as in the sea, nothing is perfect. The more difficulties and discrepancies - the more feelings and sweetness of victories.
Q: Do you spend a long time at sea as a privateer?
A: As much as possible.
Q: After what incident did you gain a reputation as a ladies' man?
A: *Curls eyebrow* Accident? More like cases. Ladies of the world have always been partial to captains.
Q: Please tell us about your most exciting trip to sea.
A: The most memorable was the expedition in the Sea of Okhotsk. Our detachment (and the ships were divided into detachments) was to reach the coast of Japan. I will spare you the less important details, the most interesting thing began when we approached the La Perouse Strait. It was night, the sea was shrouded in fog.
In the silence, a watchman shouted, “Man overboard!” And indeed, there was a woman in the water. Only she was not swimming, but walking on the waves. She had long black hair and very pale skin.
I wanted to drop anchor and offer help, but I was stopped by a young man named Nobuyuki, who was the ship's cook at the time. He was from Dejima Island. Nobuyuki said: “Raise the sails, captain! I'd rather hit the rocks in the night than face the Iso-onna!”
When I looked out to sea again, the woman was gone. We never hoisted the sails - it was too risky to sail at speed in the fog. “Cover yourself for the night with the garments you're going to wear tomorrow! And order the crew to do the same! - Nobuyuki pleaded with me. - Iso-onna will drink the blood of those who are not bound for a future day...”
The young man was too frightened to say more. Not fully understanding the reasons, I still followed his advice.
In the morning, the whole crew was fine except for one sailor who flatly refused to use a clean shirt as a blanket. His bloodless body was found in the hold.
___
Adrian
Q: Where did you get such love for poetry?
A: From the storm and warmth that are born in the heart when words are woven into art.
Q: What is your favorite Shakespeare sonnet?
A: You will be sad when the poet dies, Until the ringing of the nearest church, Will not announce that this low light, I traded for the lower world of worms.
It’s a bit gloomy, I understand, but the words of a genius can turn even the world of worms into a dream. *Smiles radiantly* Don’t frown, it’s not serious. I love a lot of sonnets, this is just the first one that came to mind.
Q: You sow the seeds of culture among the common people. Have you ever received feedback from them that let you know that your efforts were not in vain?
A: I too am a common man. So who better than me to know that culture does not depend on status? It's only the desire and opportunity that matters.
Q: What is your favorite constellation?
A: One remarkable Russian poet wrote: Why are you unhappy? Will people tell me? — That makes me unhappy. Good people are like the stars and the sky - Stars and sky! - and I’m a man!.. All stars are beautiful; it is simply impossible to choose just one cluster of light.
Q: What was your first poem about?
A: About my mother's apron, on which I spilled my father's tincture.
___
Giovanni
Q: How did your fascination with alchemy begin? Why this and not some other direction?
A: Hmm... That's an interesting question, thank you. Alchemy was close to my mamma, I guess that love was passed down from her.
Q: Are you frightened by the specific images lurking in the darkness, or is it the unknown and not knowing what might be lurking there?
A: There is nothing in the darkness but my own thoughts. And I don't like to be alone with them.
Q: Were you happy when your father the Doge officially recognized you as his son and took you to a luxurious palace?
A: *Smiles: politely and a little stiffly* I'd rather leave that question unanswered.
Q: How do you know so much about the underground crypts at the Academy of Magic?
A: How much? No more than all those in the know who have read a guide to the Academy or a couple of historical books about magic.
Q: Could you forgive betrayal?
A: Like any Italian, I would forgive cheating by serving a glass of poison to the one who ruined happiness. *Laughs* I'm kidding! Actually, I haven't been cheated on yet, but if the day comes, I hope I'll behave with dignity. I'll be able to listen, try to understand, and make an informed decision.
___
Alexander Crow
Q: If you had the ability to turn back time, would you change anything in your life?
A: That's a personal thing.
Q: Do you love your daughter?
A: Yes.
Q: What do you think is the most important thing about magic?
A: Knowledge.
Q: What is more important: the result or the path to it?
A: The result.
___
Lucretia
Q: What qualities in people attract you, and what qualities repel you?
A: I am deeply indifferent to other people's manifestations of character. What is repulsive today may be useful tomorrow.
Q: Do you enjoy conducting the Naming Ceremony?
A: Quite a bit.
Q: This next question is probably not the right one, but it is important for the for admirers of the Supreme Witcher Raven to know whether he often gossips with you?
A: Gossip? I didn't know that's what they call friendship these days.
___
Batsheba
Q: Can you tell us about the most interesting ritual in which you have ever participated?
A: In the days of my youth, my sisters and I used to celebrate Man Gevri by dancing naked in the stone circle of Kallanish... *coughs* Ah, those were the days!
Q: Will you reveal your age to us?
A: How quick! A woman's age is her secret.
Q: How do you know the ancient rites of the leaders?
A: Thou! What have the knowers got to do with it? The rituals I know belong to nature.
Q: I would like to know something very funny from the childhood of our Crows (something that is usually embarrassing to talk about, and if they do, it is usually accompanied by a loud “MAM!”)
A: *Giggles* There is such a thing, how could there not be! But I won't tell you about it, I don't want any of the grooms-to-be to find out that Esther can't even boil the simplest broth.
___
Familiar
Q: Will you accept Esther’s man if her choice turns out to be very controversial?
A: *You ask a question to the empty space where you were told the familiar should be, but there is no answer*
Q: What do you do while your witch sleeps? Do you see her dreams?
A: *A sound resembling snoring comes from the void*.
___
Esther
Q: Would you mind sharing your favorite authors and works with us?
A: As the Triad sees it, there are too many! I'm sure a lot of what you've read I've enjoyed as well.
Q: Do you have a favorite perfume? And if not, what perfume would you like?
A: There is no favorite... I have yet to find my fragrance. Perhaps you can recommend one?
Q: Can I know the topic of your dissertation and at what stage of writing is it now?
A: The topic of my dissertation is “Natural curses in mass grave sites and how to deal with them”. I've got the last couple chapters left to write. It's about the Yorkshire moors. But I'm not sure I'll be able to get back to that work anytime soon... The memories of what I learned there are too fresh.
Q: You often turn to folklore to find answers. This seems like a rather unconventional approach (especially for a witch scientist). What was the reason for such an unusual resource for finding answers?
A: Folklore is just like history, only it takes more effort to find the truth. The study of folklore is no less scientific than archaeology.
Q: How would you describe your ideal date?
A: Oh... *Blushes* Perhaps someday I will be able to answer this question. After all, something like that needs to be experienced.

THIS PAPER WAS A BLESSING. Blood brothers on poverty, poem on Natural Tones and unseen on a poem with a very clear volta and enjambment. I did love and relationships and Blood Brothers. 😅 What did everyone else find? (Also do people doing different texts and poems get different grade boundaries or do we all get the same?)

I wrote >nine pages. I remembered alot of quotes, more than I could use. I had alot of analysis and great vocabulary. Although sprinkled in some sarcastic jokes throughout my paper to keep things fresh and original. For the Lord of the Flies question, I made a joke where I quoted the scene where Jack gets down and sniffs the ground to locate the pigs. I joked something like "When what is essentially the second in command of the civilization is intensely sniffing the floor looking for sows, like a drunk who has lost a bet, that isn't exactly a good sign for the island.
Later on when the poem about trees came up, I wrote that "since most trees outside of area 51 don't have shoulders, we can assume this is a metaphor."
When there was the quote "The furnace never gets heated" I wrote "Jaan isn't just complaining about the cost of living here, it is actually a metaphor for..."
When there was the line that "the washing never get's done" in my analysis I wrote in a joke about how the washing piles up like cars on british rural roads (its because they are in dire need of repair).
The rest was all filled with the same sarcastic lighthearted jokes. I was never mean at all or like actually offensive. I mean I went to bed at 4:45am and woke up at 7am I needed something to get me through it. I think my jokes were hilarious and added to my essays and they never got in the way at all of the analysis. My brother says I am gonna get marked down for it and I'm cooked, but I think the examiner will enjoy my wit, because that's what english is all about. Why punish actual originality in favour of formulaic answers with no soul at all? My english teacher legit said you can use humour in your writing if you can pull it off well.
Chat am I cooked?
Ps. I'm not putting this in the megathread nobody likes them

Wow. I love this album. So far, each album has been better than the last. This is the first album where I’ve really liked every song on it. There were a couple that took me a bit longer than others to warm up to, but after a few listens through, I did end up liking them all.
I’ve said it the last two times and I’ll say it again, what a change in sound!! Quite a shift from The Man Who Sold The World being prog/heavy rock, and this one as more of a pop rock. The album seems to be divided into two sections, the first being more piano focused, and the second more on the guitar.
Changes is one of two songs that I already knew coming into Hunky Dory, and is obviously fantastic. There’s not much I can say about this that hasn’t been said a hundred times before, but something I never took notice of before is how funky the saxophone outro is!
From first listen, Oh! You Pretty Things instantly became one of my favourites from this album and from Bowie in general. While the slower pace of Eight Line Poem took a few listens for me to get into it, but it grew on me.
Life On Mars? was the other song that I was already aware of coming into this, and is probably my favourite song so far. It’s just perfect.
Kooks is a bit of an outlier in Hunky Dory, it sounds different to all the rest. I didn’t realise it until it was pointed out to me that it’s pastiche of Neil Young, which makes sense why I like it so much, because I also really like Neil Young! I also think it’s really cute that he’s speaking to his son, who until recently I didn’t know wrote and directed one of my favourite movies, Moon.
Like Eight Line Poem, Quicksand’s slower pace took a couple of listens to get into. Conversely, Fill Your Heart was an instant hit. It’s probably the silliest song on the album, but I liked it. It’s straightforward love song which kind of reminds me of Love You Til Tuesday from his 1967 album. David was a newlywed with a new baby, so his heart was definitely full of love at the time of writing it.
The end of Fill Your Heart blends into the start of Andy Warhol which signifies a change in sound midway through the album. It’s one of the weirder songs, from the strange effects on the intro and outro, to the studio chat which although isn’t uncommon now, would have been pretty novel for 1971. I read that Warhol hated the song, which from everything I know about the man, does not surprise me. It mustn’t have dissuaded Bowie too much though as he would later portray him in the Basquiat biopic film, which I’m still yet to see.
The last three songs are a bit rockier in sound. Song For Bob Dylan sees Bowie do a Bob Dylan impression and tribute which I thought was cool.
Queen Bitch is one of my favourite songs from the Hunky Dory, I love the guitar riff. It’s lyrics are the most provocative on the album, it tells the story of a person whose lover is cheating on them with a drag queen. Is it from David’s own POV, who knows? It’s times like this that I wish I could have the societal context of the time period. To anyone who was around at that time, what were the general thoughts on homosexuality and androgyny? I’m fascinated to know, as both of my parents grew up in conservative families.
Finishing off the album is The Bewley Brothers, which is a bit of a odd album closer, as it sounds like it could have come off his previous album.
Overall, I really enjoyed Hunky Dory. It’s my favourite album of his so far. Some songs I liked more than others, but there were none that I disliked or even felt neutral towards, they’re all good. It has a high concentration of hits and is the first album that really felt like the David Bowie I’m familiar with.
What did you all think of Hunky Dory?

My feeds been seeing clips from an episode of the Proud Family called The Legend of Johnny Lovely.
Johnny Lovely drifts into town, is loved by everyone not a teenage boy or the dad of a teenage girl, and gets wrongly suspended. Everyone goes to the address on his record to apologize, cause he wasn't a bad guy at all, only to learn he never lived there, but that there's a couple of streets named after him. Everyone wonders if he even existed, and it's treated with a certain amount of folkloric mysticism.
And... I feel like this was kind of common in the early 2000's with slice-of-life stories? And like I've seen similar premises as far back as 50's television. Just... random ghost/spirit/cryptid that shows up to teach a lesson, and then disappears? Were they even real? Who knows!
Like, As Told by Ginger had that girl that Ginger's brother befriended in the episode where everyone thinks the poem she wrote was a cry for help, and Rugrats All Grown Up had Bean in the two-parter Interview with a Campfire, so there's at least three examples from around then.

Similar to the state of Egypt during the events of TW Pharaoh, the Assyrians find themselves in a web of heirs and usurpers, all fighting over a power vacuum in the wake of a monumental leader. The following is a summary of these kings from what we know, which sadly isn't much; despite how much the Assyrians did write down, translation is hard work, and there are hundreds of tablets which possibly elaborate on these events in greater detail simply collecting dust in an archive somewhere.
Tukulti-Ninurta
The King of Assyria was practically born a conqueror. He secured his inherited lands in the Levant to the west and Urartu to the north, sent troops forth to far-off Dilmun to the south and Meluhha to the east, and thus became King of the Four Corners of the Universe. By the blessing of Shamash, he personally captured the Kassite ruler of Babylon and "trod upon his neck like a footstool," taking the city for himself, stealing the idol of Marduk from his temple, and thus became King of Sumer and Akkad. And when the Elamites also sought the throne of Babylon? He slew them as well, for none can stand greater than the King of Kings.
The King of Assyria is old now, and the self-indulgent poems detailing his divine conquests and personal feats cannot save him. His decision to crack down on a Babylonian revolt by raiding and looting the city's temples has strained his goodwill with the populace and priests. Now, he resides in a new capital city of his own design, Kar-Tukulti-Ninurta, just two miles north of the original capital on the opposite bank of the Tigris, where he has stolen away the idol of Aššur in an attempt to retain his legitimacy...
Aššur-Nadin-Apli
One of two sons of the King of Kings, the prince Aššur-Nadin-Apli would depose his father and seek to rule as a "faithful shepherd" of the Assyrian empire, establishing new shrines to the gods and rerouting the Tigris to improve agricultural yields for the capital city. His reign would only last a few years and would be succeeded by his young son, Aššur-Nirari.
Ilī-Padâ
The young Aššur-Nirari required considerable help from the grand vizier (sukallu dannu), a royal right-hand to the King of Assyria who is traditionally themselves the King of Hanigalbat, in this case a veteran statesman who has served since Tukulti-Ninurta's reign. It is notable that Ilī-Padâ sent provisions to Karkemish, another Mitanni vassal-kingdom (although one under the Hittites) to help fight against Aramaean raiders.
Enlil-Kudurri-Usur
The other son of the King of Kings, the prince Enlil-Kudurri-Usur has watched the reigns of his brother and nephew with displeasure. The enemies of Assyria stir, the Kassites having crowned a king-in-exile bent on reclaiming Babylon, and the grand vizier Ilī-Padâ has too much influence. What is a prince to do other than violently usurp the young king and his advisor before meeting the Kassites on the field of battle?
Ninurta-Apal-Ekur
The son of the ill-fated Ilī-Pada bides his time in the lands of Kardunias as a natural ally of the Kassites, relying on King Enlil-Kudurri-Usur's failure to defeat the Kassite king at Babylon and subsequent capture by his own men as an opportunity to march his forces to the Assyrian capital. Can he claim kingship over all of Assyria by ancient descent and usher in a new golden age for its people?

Hello! I am 20 years old. I don't live with my parents but my parents pay my rent. So still incredibly financially dependent. They also pay for my college and give me allowances for grocery's and things. In fact, I use that allowance to pay for doctor's visit's and my testosterone.
I have a website, a blog I created, to post poems and other personal writings. I made it in highnschool and would share it with close friends. I shared it with my mom. She ended up turning on post notifications so that whenever I post a new entry she would be updated. It was sweet, knowing she wanted to know how I felt about things... In that way.
Then today. She often accidentally genders me correctly. (I have a brother) So I say "He is fine." Almost like i'm warming her up to the idea haha...
I've come out to my family as nonbinary when I was around 16. My mom said she would never call me He.
So today when I said "He is fine." She said "can you stop saying that. I did not give birth to a he, I am not calling you that."
I fought back only slightly. I wasn't planning on nor prepared to come out to her in that moment.
My original plan was to take testosterone and until she started asking questions, say nothing. And when she did start asking questions I planned to answer them truthfully. As by that time the changes would had already really began to take effect.
All that to say, after the incident today. I went to my blog. I wrote something. Titled "You hate me. I know you hate me. You'll hate me once you find out what I've done."
Pretty dramatic lol I know but that's the whole point. I made a space for myself to express myself however I felt necessary. I mention the exact incident (meaning she knows I'm talking about her). One of the lines are "Today I thought I should never tell you. That I practiced voice training instead and just went to the gym a bunch. That will be easier for you. You'll hate me less."
I hit publish. Feeling relieved to have gotten these negative thoughts and emotion's off my chest. As well as honestly rethinking my speak until spoken to policy. Thinking, maybe I should lie for as long as I can.
Then later today I got a notification. Someone was on my website, reading that post. I knew, I instantly remembered. She gets notifications for when I post. I try to quickly delete and block her member profile. Trying to kick her from viewing it. Nothing works. I had set it up a while back so you put in a password before entering the site after a fall out with someone who had access to it, but I guess fot previous members it bypasses that.
Then I heard her walking up the stairs. I knew.
She comes in and closes the door, she never does that, and sit's on my bed. (I'm home for summer)
She tells me that she saw my post and asks if I think that she hates me. I say no, its nuance and that I forgot she got notifications for that. That she wasn't supposed to see it. It's not enough for her. She ask's what I did. I hesitate. I say "I came out as nonbinary before and (don't remember likely giberish) that's what I did is be who I am." I didn't know what to say. I'm not a good liar.
I have only been on testosterone for 5 weeks. I have got to therapy for a couple months discussing my gender and whether or not I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy. I have been contemplating it however, for around a year before starting therapy. I did this all by myself. I decided to tell my brother (37) after going to my consultation. He had his own reservations but he told me he loved me no matter what. He still misgenders me but his hearts in the right place and right now i'll take what I can get. My dad is the quiet type. He doesn't hold a lot of power in our household and is likely quiet because of it. I know i can't rely on him for any impactful support. I also have no idea whether there would be any.
I thought about calling my brother after it happened but he is ignorant on the matter. I don't know the lengths he would go to protect me. I am unsure and that scares me. I don't have any trans friends on HRT who could advise me.
I remember at my consultation my doctor expressed real concern for whether I had a supportive family unit or not. I told him I don't think my mother would could me off or disown me (she's the breadwinner) but thats when I was under the impression that I would have full control over when and how I would tell her.
Now. I am feeling that fear a bit stronger. I am gunning for my PHD in psychology. I live in an apartment near campus. I am extremely privileged. Although, my relationship with my immediate family is extremely dysfunctional it works.
Based off what she read the likely hood is at the very least she has an inkling that I am on T. I ended the conversation by saying I wasn't ready to have this conversation right now and she wasn't meant to read that. I asked her to turn the notifications off :P (stupid, I just didn't know what to do or say).
I drafted the post and made a new website moving everything on to there. I decided I will no longer share that website with anyone. It's for my eyes only. Until I can be sure someone deserves to gain access to its contents.
Anyway, any advice on how I should handle this? Right now we are both leaving to go on separate vacations. So I will be taking my medicine with me and I won't have to worry about her possibly snooping through my things to find out if I am or not. I will likely need to hide my T when I come back. I don't think telling her now is a good idea. I have a therapy appointment next tuesday so I will also ask my therapist for advice. Support or encouragement is also welcome :)

Hello! I am 20 years old. I don't live with my parents but my parents pay my rent. So still incredibly financially dependent. They also pay for my college and give me allowances for grocery's and things. In fact, I use that allowance to pay for doctor's visit's and my testosterone.
I have a website, a blog I created, to post poems and other personal writings. I made it in highnschool and would share it with close friends. I shared it with my mom. She ended up turning on post notifications so that whenever I post a new entry she would be updated. It was sweet, knowing she wanted to know how I felt about things... In that way.
Then today. She often accidentally genders me correctly. (I have a brother) So I say "He is fine." Almost like i'm warming her up to the idea haha...
I've come out to my family as nonbinary when I was around 16. My mom said she would never call me He.
So today when I said "He is fine." She said "can you stop saying that. I did not give birth to a he, I am not calling you that."
I fought back only slightly. I wasn't planning on nor prepared to come out to her in that moment.
My original plan was to take testosterone and until she started asking questions, say nothing. And when she did start asking questions I planned to answer them truthfully. As by that time the changes would had already really began to take effect.
All that to say, after the incident today. I went to my blog. I wrote something. Titled "You hate me. I know you hate me. You'll hate me once you find out what I've done."
Pretty dramatic lol I know but that's the whole point. I made a space for myself to express myself however I felt necessary. I mention the exact incident (meaning she knows I'm talking about her). One of the lines are "Today I thought I should never tell you. That I practiced voice training instead and just went to the gym a bunch. That will be easier for you. You'll hate me less."
I hit publish. Feeling relieved to have gotten these negative thoughts and emotion's off my chest. As well as honestly rethinking my speak until spoken to policy. Thinking, maybe I should lie for as long as I can.
Then later today I got a notification. Someone was on my website, reading that post. I knew, I instantly remembered. She gets notifications for when I post. I try to quickly delete and block her member profile. Trying to kick her from viewing it. Nothing works. I had set it up a while back so you put in a password before entering the site after a fall out with someone who had access to it, but I guess fot previous members it bypasses that.
Then I heard her walking up the stairs. I knew.
She comes in and closes the door, she never does that, and sit's on my bed. (I'm home for summer)
She tells me that she saw my post and asks if I think that she hates me. I say no, its nuance and that I forgot she got notifications for that. That she wasn't supposed to see it. It's not enough for her. She ask's what I did. I hesitate. I say "I came out as nonbinary before and (don't remember likely giberish) that's what I did is be who I am." I didn't know what to say. I'm not a good liar.
I have only been on testosterone for 5 weeks. I have got to therapy for a couple months discussing my gender and whether or not I wanted to start hormone replacement therapy. I have been contemplating it however, for around a year before starting therapy. I did this all by myself. I decided to tell my brother (37) after going to my consultation. He had his own reservations but he told me he loved me no matter what. He still misgenders me but his hearts in the right place and right now i'll take what I can get. My dad is the quiet type. He doesn't hold a lot of power in our household and is likely quiet because of it. I know i can't rely on him for any impactful support. I also have no idea whether there would be any.
I thought about calling my brother after it happened but he is ignorant on the matter. I don't know the lengths he would go to protect me. I am unsure and that scares me. I don't have any trans friends on HRT who could advise me.
I remember at my consultation my doctor expressed real concern for whether I had a supportive family unit or not. I told him I don't think my mother would could me off or disown me (she's the breadwinner) but thats when I was under the impression that I would have full control over when and how I would tell her.
Now. I am feeling that fear a bit stronger. I am gunning for my PHD in psychology. I live in an apartment near campus. I am extremely privileged. Although, my relationship with my immediate family is extremely dysfunctional it works.
Based off what she read the likely hood is at the very least she has an inkling that I am on T. I ended the conversation by saying I wasn't ready to have this conversation right now and she wasn't meant to read that. I asked her to turn the notifications off :P (stupid, I just didn't know what to do or say).
I drafted the post and made a new website moving everything on to there. I decided I will no longer share that website with anyone. It's for my eyes only. Until I can be sure someone deserves to gain access to its contents.
Anyway, any advice on how I should handle this? Right now we are both leaving to go on separate vacations. So I will be taking my medicine with me and I won't have to worry about her possibly snooping through my things to find out if I am or not. I will likely need to hide my T when I come back. I don't think telling her now is a good idea. I have a therapy appointment next tuesday so I will also ask my therapist for advice. Support or encouragement is also welcome :)

Yes. ISIS does exactly what Muhammad did in the 7th century. And it also adopts a lot of what the subsequent “rightly guided” caliphs did. Because after all, ISIS is a Salafi organization (Salaf- as in “Al-Salaf Al-Saleh” = the rightly guided predecessors - referring to the four “rightly guided” caliphs following Muhammad).
Long answer:
Let’s take a look first what ISIS is doing. If we can agree what these “atrocities” are, then we can look further and dig deeper whether we can find something similar in Islamic scripture and history.
So, here’s what ISIS does:
BEHEADING OF PRISONERS
Scriptural base:
Qur’an 8:12- “I will instill terror into the hearts of the unbelievers: smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger-tips off.”
Qur’an 47:4- “Therefore, when ye meet the Unbelievers (in fight), strike off their heads; at length; then when you have made wide Slaughter among them, carefully tie up the remaining captives”: thereafter (is the time for) either generosity or ransom: Until the war lays down its burdens.”
What Muhammad did:
Then the Messenger of Allah commanded that ditches should be dug, so they were dug in the earth, and they were brought tied by their shoulders, and were beheaded. There were between seven hundred and eight hundred of them. The children who had not yet reached adolescence and the women were taken prisoner, and their wealth was seized.
Tafsir Ibn Kathir - The Campaign against Banu Qurayzah
Narrated Aisha . . . No woman of Banu [tribe] Qurayzah was killed except one. She was with me, talking and laughing on her back and belly (extremely), while the Apostle of Allah . . . was killing her people with the swords. Suddenly a man called her name: Where is so-and-so? . . . I asked: What is the matter with you? She said: I did a new act. [Aisha] said: The man took her and beheaded her. [Aisha] said: I will not forget that she was laughing extremely although she knew that she would be killed. (Abu Dawud)
TAKING FEMALE SEX-SLAVES
Scriptural base:
Qur’an - 4:24 - "And all married women are forbidden unto you save those captives whom your right hand possess. It is a decree of Allah for you.
What Muhammad did:
Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 2, # 2150:
Abu Said al-Khudri said: "The apostle of Allah sent a military expedition to Awtas on the occasion of the battle of Hunain. They met their enemy and fought with them. They defeated them and took them captives. Some of the Companions of the apostle of Allah were reluctant to have intercourse with the female captives in the presence of their husbands who were unbelievers. So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Quranic verse, "And all married women (are forbidden) unto you save those (captives) whom your right hands possess". That is to say, they are lawful for them when they complete their waiting period." (See Qur’an 4:24 above)
Sahih Bukhari Vol.3 #432
Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri that while he was sitting with Allah's messenger we said, "Oh Allah's messenger, we got female captives as our booty, and we are interested in their prices, what is your opinion about coitus interruptus?" The prophet said, "Do you really do that? It is better for you not to do it. No soul that which Allah has destined to exist, but will surely come into existence."
Sahih Muslim, Vol.2, #3371
Abu Sirma said to Abu Said al Khudri: "O Abu Said, did you hear Allah's messenger mentioning about al-azl (coitus interruptus)?" He said, "Yes", and added: "We went out with Allah's messenger on the expedition to the Mustaliq and took captive some excellent Arab women; and we desired them for we were suffering from the absence of our wives, (but at the same time) we also desired ransom for them. So we decided to have sexual intercourse with them but by observing azl" (withdrawing the male sexual organ before emission of semen to avoid conception). But we said: "We are doing an act whereas Allah's messenger is amongst us; why not ask him?" So we asked Allah's messenger and he said: "It does not matter if you do not do it, for every soul that is to be born up to the Day of Resurrection will be born".
Kitab al-Tabaqat al-Kabir, page 151
"He [the Lord of Alexandria] presented to the prophet Mariyah, her sister Sirin, a donkey and a mule which was white....The apostle of Allah liked Mariyah who was of white complexion and curly hair and pretty.... Then he cohabited with Mariyah as a handmaid and sent her to his property which he had acquired from Banu al-Nadir."
Tabari's History, volume 39, page 194
"He (Muhammad) used to visit her (Mariyam) there and ordered her to veil herself, [but] he had intercourse with her by virtue of her being his property."
THROWING DOWN HOMOSEXUALS FROM ROOFS AND STONING THEM AFTERWARDS
Scriptural base:
Qur'an 4:16 If two men among you are guilty of lewdness, punish them both. If they repent and amend, Leave them alone; for Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful.
Sunan Abu Dawud 38:4447 Narated By Abdullah ibn Abbas : The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If you find anyone doing as Lot's people did, kill the one who does it, and the one to whom it is done.
What Muhammad and companions did:
Mishkat, vol. 1, p. 765, Prescribed Punishments
Ibn Abbas and Abu Huraira reported God's messenger as saying, 'Accursed is he who does what Lot's people did.' In a version...on the authority of Ibn Abbas it says that Ali [Muhammad's cousin and son-in-law] had two people “burned” and that Abu Bakr [Muhammad's chief companion] had a wall thrown down on them.
Modern Exegesis:
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid, Islam Q&A, Fatwa No. 5177
Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq judged in accordance with this, and he wrote instructions to this effect to Khaalid, after consulting with the Sahaabah. ‘Ali was the strictest of them with regard to that. Ibn al-Qasaar and our shaykh said: the Sahaabah agreed that [the person who does homosexual acts] should be killed, but they differed as to how he should be killed. Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq said that he should be thrown down from a cliff. ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that a wall should be made to collapse on him. Ibn ‘Abbaas said, they should be killed by stoning. This shows that there was consensus among them that [the person who does homosexual acts] should be killed, but they differed as to how he should be executed. This is similar to the ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning the person who has intercourse with a woman who is his mahram [incest], because in both cases intercourse is not permitted under any circumstances. Hence the connection was made in the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) who reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Whoever you find doing the deed of the people of Loot, kill them.” And it was also reported that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has intercourse with a woman who is his mahram, kill him.” And according to another hadeeth with the same isnaad, “Whoever has intercourse with an animal, kill him and kill the animal with him.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 2420; Abu Dawood, 4464; al-Tirmidhi, 1454; al-Haakim, 4/355).
Imam Sirajudeen Bakrin, Nigerian Tribune, December 30, 2011
However, there is a divergence of opinions on the methodology to be used in executing the punishment. While some scholars such as Abu bakr [the first Rightly-Guided Caliph] and Ali [Muhammad's son-in-law and the fourth Rightly-Guided Caliph ] were of the view that such a person should be beheaded and set on fire thereafter, Umar [the second Rightly-Guided Caliph] and Uthman [the third Rightly-Guided Caliph] thought the wall should be fell on him. To Ibn Abbas [Muhammad's cousin], he should be taken to the tallest building in the town, thrown upside down while some men stand on the ground waiting to meet him with stone in replication of the destruction done to the people of Lut (Lot) by Allah.
STONING OF ADULTERERS
Scriptural base & what Muhammad did:
Sahih Bukhari (6:60:79) - Two people guilty of illegal intercourse are brought to Muhammad, who orders them both stoned to death.
Sahih Muslim (17:4192) - "in case of married (persons) there is (a punishment) of one hundred lashes and then stoning (to death). And in case of unmarried persons, (the punishment) is one hundred lashes and exile for one year"
Sahih Muslim (17:4196) - A married man confesses to adultery. Muhammad orders him planted in the ground and pelted with stones. According to the passage, the first several stones caused such pain that he tried to escape and had to be dragged back.
Sahih Muslim (17:4206) - A woman who became pregnant confesses to Muhammad that she is guilty of adultery. Muhammad allows her to have the child, then has her stoned.
The description is graphic: "Khalid b Walid came forward with a stone which he flung at her head and there spurted blood on the face of Khalid and so he abused her."
Ibn Ishaq (970)

• "The adulterer must be stoned." These words were a part of Muhammad's farewell address to his people on the occasion of his final pilgrimage to Mecca.

ASSASSINATION OF POLITICAL OPPONENTS & “SLANDERERS OF ISLAM”
What Muhammad did:
Bukhari vol.3 book 45 ch.3 no.687 p.415.
(687) Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: Allah's Apostle said, 'Who would kill Ka'b bin Al-Ashraf as he has harmed Allah and His Apostle? Muhammad bin Maslama (got up and) said, 'I will kill him.' So, Muhammad bin Maslama went to Ka'b and said, 'I want a loan of one or two Wasqs of foodgrains.'" After dickering over what to hold as mortgage, they agreed that Muhammad bin Maslama would mortgage his weapons. So he promised him that he would come with his weapons next time."
Source: Ibn Ishaq, pp. 675-76 / 995-96.
Asma was a poetess who belonged to a tribe of Medinan pagans, and whose husband was named Yazid b. Zayd. She composed a poem blaming the Medinan pagans for obeying a stranger (Muhammad) and for not taking the initiative to attack him by surprise. When the Allah-inspired prophet heard what she had said, he asked, "Who will rid me of Marwan’s daughter?" A member of her husband’s tribe volunteered and crept into her house that night. She had five children, and the youngest was sleeping at her breast. The assassin gently removed the child, drew his sword, and plunged it into her, killing her in her sleep.
The following morning, the assassin defied anyone to take revenge. No one took him up on his challenge, not even her husband. In fact, Islam became powerful among his tribe. Previously, some members who had kept their conversion secret now became Muslims openly, "because they saw the power of Islam," conjectures Ibn Ishaq.
Al-Tabari vol.9 p.167:
Al-Aswad was assassinated because he claimed that he was a prophet, after coming out of the Khubban cave. He was killed a day or two before Mohammed's death.
Al-Tabari vol.9 p.121
"The Messenger of God called me and said, 'It has reached me that Khalid b. Sufyan b. Nubayh al-Hudhali is gathering a force to attack me. He is either in Nakhlah or 'Uranah, so go to him and kill him.'"
Abu Dawud vol.1 no.1244 p.328
"He (the prophet) said, :Go and kill him. I saw him when the time of the afternoon prayer had come. I said : I am afraid if a fight takes place between me and him (Khalid b. Sufyan), that might delay the prayer. I proceeded walking towards him while I was praying by making a sign. When I reached near him, he said to me : Who are you? I replied : A man from the Arabs ; it came to me that you were gathering (any[sp] army) for this man (i.e. the Prophet). Hence I came to you in connection with this matter. ... I then walked along with him for a while; when it became convenient for me, I dominated him with my sword until he became cold (dead)."
Al-Tabari vol.8 p.122
According to Ibn Ishaq: Kinanah b. al-Rabi' b. Abi al-Huqayq who had the treasure of the Banu al-Nadir, was brought to the Messenger of God, who questioned him, but he denied knowing where it [the treasure] was. Then the Messenger of God was brought a Jew who said to him, "I have seen Kinanah walk around this ruin every morning." The Messenger of God said to Kinanah: "What do you say? If we find it in your possession, I will kill you. "All right he answered. The Messenger of God commanded that the ruin should be dug up, and some of the treasure was extracted from it. Then he asked him for the rest of it. Kinanah refused to surrender it, so the Messenger of God gave orders concerning him to al-Zubayr b. al-'Awwam, saying, "Torture him until you root out what he has." Al-Zubayr kept twirling his firestick in his breast until Kinanah almost expired [died]; then the Messenger of God gave him to Muhammad b. Maslamah, who beheaded him to avenge his brother Mahmud b. Maslamah."
The list goes on.
CONCLUSIONS:
All the included sources are Muslim sources. A lot of scholars are using this material to come up with Fatwas and also material for their sermons.
If you have read through my brief write-up, you can see that what ISIS is doing today is almost an exact carbon copy of what Muhammad and his warband were doing back then.
Therefore I urge you all to study all the facts about Muhammad and Islam first, before defending the narrative that ISIS is not Islamic.

hey im a 20 year old dude from canada i need friends ive been through a bad breakup and i need ways to distract myself while still being social because i end up just feeling alone and empty since i dont really have a social circle after a prior physically abusive relationship isolated me from all my friends i grew up with and made many people hate me due to my abusers manipulation. now i have friends which im grateful for but my social circle is not very big at all and very isolating really because im not like a hugely important friend to anyone who to me is a close friend, thats not to say they dont care but people obviously have their own busy lives and i just happen to not be a significant part of them which is normal and ok im just lonely because i used to have friends i felt very very close to and now i really dont feel like im particularly close to anyone i could go months without talking to essentially anyone who im close to without it mattering much except maybe my brother cuz hes like the closest friend i have rn
here are some of my interests:
-competitive gaming(rocket league is a big one but ill play mostly anything if it doesn't have an anti cheat that doesn't work on linux)
-casual games
-vr
-progressive politics and the dynamics that have pushed the world away from said politics
-writing and storytelling(books poems etc)
-computers and electronics(i use arch btw🤓)
-biology and psychology/psychiatry(am autistic/adhd and have tourrettes, and ocd symptoms as well as c-ptsd)
-general scientific topics(space, chemistry, ai really anything)
-Animals as a whole (i have a pet rabbit)
-audio and headphones
-repairing electronics/DIY as a whole(soldering, microelectronics, fixing phones, building custom keyboards or speakers etc)
-speedrunning
thats majority of my interests i can't particularly remember anything more at the moment. if youd like to be friends you can dm me on here or leave a comment feel free to talk about anything i said in general too obviously or like ask anything idk what people really post here. the next part is gonna be a bit of a rant about my relationship that ended since its why i feel lonely rn and i feel particularly bad rn and ig this is a good place for support. feel free not to read it though since writing it is helpful for my processing regardless altho i appreciate any support at all too
my ex broke up w me around a week or two ago she was a funny person w a similar sense of humour to me and a similar belief system but she had many toxic traits. she was diagnosed w bpd altho thats not what necessarily caused these issues she's much more disordered than simply bpd. she used to get drunk and yell at me about how she thought in the future id blame my trauma from my physically abusive ex on her as originally i had thought my physically abusive ex was that way because of her saying she had undiagnosed bpd, but she obviously was more disordered than that too and i knew by that point already (her saying i would do that was just a way to justify her later making me out to be crazy for criticizing her behaviours like she has done to many people before me).
my recent ex cheated on her last ex with me and would talk horribly about him while justifying it making me not really process how disordered what she was doing was at the time. by the end she had done a lot but ig one thing that stands out as pretty outlandish was she got mad at me after asking if i would kiss the ground she walked on if she was god and worship her and i said yes at first but she wanted to make sure i really would and when i explained i dont know but probably not because im not religious she got upset and disappointed which is obviously a pretty weird and narcissistic thing. she broke up with me because i criticized her behaviours, this happens to a lot of people who criticize how she acts apparently which is validating but it left me extremely lonely because i essentially lost my best friend because i couldn't keep my mouth shut. and ik thats self blame since she literally actively isolated me from my closest friend by accusing that id wanna date them if we broke up etc and yelling at me and just getting jealous across the relationship even as i was already isolating but its still hard not to feel disappointed and sad that i lost someone so important to me and blame myself for not just letting her do as she wants without criticism. she started to hate me by the end though so ill never have that friendship again anyway and thats just something i have to grow to be content with in time.

Dear D...
Before I met you, I always felt like there was something missing in my heart, ever since I was really young; there was something that no matter how much I tried to replace I could never succeed. The thoughts of this hole in my heart being existent for the rest of my life felt soothing eventually but also painful multiple times. I always felt like an outcast no matter how much I tried to fit in, no matter how close I got to my friends. When you came, all those thoughts, all those feelings got away...
When I first met you, my whole world turned upside down. The shock that flowed through felt electric, like I touched a generator that collects energy. I could feel your gaze penetrate mine and vice versa. Then we looked away and shortly aftet we persuaded each other. I was more vocal and direct, you were more quiet and stood close to me all the time. I was sensitive and tense, you were more detached and chill. The moments I talked to you felt like paradise, it felt like I was talking to a long lost friend, to a brother from an another lifetime. In our dreams the roles would be reversed all the time: I would become the quiet and cold one and you would be the sunshine boy filled with happiness and joy. And of course you were the hugger. The nerve.
I wanted to be in your presence all the time, but I was scared of the intensity as well. I could tell you were also scared of it, but everytime I was chasing, you were running. Everytime I was running you were chasing. We were never in the middle. We had different methods to cope with the connection, because we were never fully direct with each other. I would have panic attacks and cry on the corridors when no one was around and later listen to music that reminded me of you, wrote poems about you and started to draw you out of the back of my mind. It felt uncanny how much you looked just like in the drawings. You would deal with it by drinking and overthinking and later outright confess to me overnight, the last night we were together. Then we separated. I needed time to reflect, something I did for the sake of both of us. You felt hurt and I felt hurt, but we needed space. I needed space. I felt like I was too much for you, and you did not deserve me.
That is when I started to grow. To change, to try and stand up and live my life the way I used to. I thought I would go back to my heart having that hole again, and dealing with it like old times, again. But the hole was no longer there. Because you filled that place in my heart. You and only you. And the pain became more powerful. I hurt even more because the separation made me wish I was in your presence more, to just hold you and never let you go. To tell you that I love you back, but I knew you would not believe me. You would think I would only say it back out of pity, not honesty. Because you have your own demons in your head, your own voices that make you overthink. Those voices are louder then my own voice.
Then I learned about the connection. At first I left it at chance. I had moments when I was going back to you, and moments when I was leaving you. Eventually you came back, and hugged me and took a photo with me and your best friend. You asked me if things will be the same between us. I had no response. I wanted to go back to it, but I knew it would be wrong. You wanted me back but I knew you did not evolve properly. You missed me, the same I missed you if not more but as the more awakened one I had to push you away. I told you eventually that I love you back the same way you told me: through text. You denied it and thought that I was just messing with you. You stopped talking to me. I know I hurt you, but I wanted to let you know as well. I hurt you because I love you.
Months went by and I learned to not let my anger take the best of me. To not let our past define our future. I learned to love myself, use the energy you gave me, both good and bad and embrace it. You were the reflection of my shadow self, who wants to tell people sometimes to stopp bugging me and that wants to be alone sometimes and I was your shadow self, the part that you keep locked because you got hurt: the kind, loyal and naive side of you that I showcase on the outside. I kept running into you; twin flame numbers kept pestering me. Dreams kept influencing me. But I had to stay away. I could see in your eyes that you were expecting me to make a move sometimes, smile at me warmly and just stare. But you were also mirroring me; if I was away, you were also away. Then I came back to you and you felt like I was just talking to you out of pity. So you let your ego out on me again.
You cant fully grasp the connection and how this experience should transform you, not just make you feel better. That you should heal wounds, not use me as a distraction for your own pain. Our dreams were almost always manifested by you; they always appeared when I was thinking the least about you, and in them you always wanted to do something with me. You might had good intentions, but you were also taking away my energy. The energy that I would use to heal would be drained because you were taking part of it for yourself. Because you did not had your own energy to use. Because you dont want to use your own healing process and make your own energy. I learned to love myself and also to love my friends and the friendships I had with them and the blessing that comes with having such strong bonds. I learned what I want in a partner and how my life should be settled for here on out. But I know deep down that I wont love anyone as much as you. Its just not possible. They will have another place in my heart, another type of love, but no one could replace you and I know this is gonna be vice versa for you as well. From what I have seen you still did not hook up with anyone after I came in your life; for the record you ironically broke up with your girlfriend around the time I came in your life and were super curious whenever there was a girl I had a crush on.
And as much as I love you, I cant allow this. I have to block you out through every way possible. I cant force you to change for the better, but maybe if you dont have me or my energy to use, there could be a chance. We will also separate fully in a couple of weeks with me off to college and you in your last year of highschool. Maybe my full absence will help you grow, just like how I felt when I experienced the separation a year ago. Again, I hurt you because I love you. If you heal yourself you know you can find me. When you are healed just call me and I will answer. Until then you have to be put away from my mind and energy. I will be fine, I will live my life and enjoy my part of it. I will miss you every single day, but I will remind myself of how you are not healed and how you need this space for yourself. Even if this space will still make me wish to hold you in my arms, and hold you as tight as possible.
Goodbye D. Until we meet again, I hope you will have a great life ahead of you and I hope we will reunite eventually... when both of us are healed. If we dont then... I guess see you in the next lifetime.
I love you.

I’m fully gonna fail , every time I try and wire in the exams I just fully go blank and I’m expected 1 for English lit coz of it , pls help idk what to do to fix it , like I have the ideas in my head and how to say them but then when I try to write it I cant put it into words then forget what I wanted to say … idk what it is pls help

literature paper 2 is tomorrow, i read blood brothers for the first time yesterday, im watching lord of the flies movie rn (i haven't read the book) , ive only read like 2 of the power and conflict poems and havent been to school for all of year 11 and most of year 10
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I had a strange relationship with deconstruction as my dad was trained at a university level to do apologetics. He was an LDS chaplain in the Army, and every night for scripture study, we got discourses on the nuances of our faith and justifications for every question we ever had. I didn’t swear until I was 18 years old, or drink caffinated anything until about that time as well, because it was never a matter of justification. It was what my family, my tribe, my people did, to go to church on Sunday, and to be worthy. I was senior patrol leader and assistant to the bishop if that clarifies who I was. I didn’t have “God will reveal it in due time” parents. I had “Here’s the answer, here’s contemporary discussion about it. Here’s some reading material if you want to learn more” parents, except for they were wicked smart, and had biased conclusions.
I was called to serve in the Mexico City East mission. Shortly before opening my mission call, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time. i left BYU-I and went home to prepare. I received my endowments after lying to my stake president about my worthiness to enter the house of the lord. I came clean, and he threatened to not let me go out for a year because I was unclean. The prick made me talk to a therapist to be cleared for the mission field. The therapist had a brain and let me go out. When I was giving my mission farewell speech, I wrote it to include the teachings of many religions in it. I had drawn inspiration from the 13th article of faith “We believe all things, hope all things-“ and wrote a poem about how Adam and Eve related to the Resurection and Atonement of christ. My dad tells me the stake president was shifting in his seat like he wanted to pull me down from the pulpit. Prick.
The CCM was a pleasure to attend because of my district. The guys in my district there held a secret thanksgiving feast after hours when we were supposed to be in bed with food we had smuggled out of the cafeteria. We had look outs so we wouldn’t be caught by the patrolling teachers. My district was placed under surveillance because of politics against our spanish teacher who we could tell actually cared about us, and we were transferred into a classroom with one sided mirrors, and microphones hanging from the ceiling. An apostle came to speak to the entire CCM, and I thought we would get a chance to meet with him directly, or that he would be even remotely accessible in some way. He was kept away from us, separate and removed even though we had the same mission. I played a lot of volley ball, and got into shape enough that I touched the rim of a basketball hoop for the first time while I was there.
My first companion was a native speaker, and liked to spend the mornings in the cyber (Internet Cafe). He would make sure I was on LDS.org while he looked at softcore porn on instagram. We would spend hours there, and I was disappointed that this was the mission.
We went to a previous investigators house, and while there, we saw preparations for an animal sacrifice. These guys were putting alcohol, cocaine, and blowing smoke onto a white chicken, and placed in into a cardboard box with a bunch of black chickens. They showed us a room full of weapons, with blood and feathers strewn all over the floor. We noped the fuck out, and went home.
I requested an emergency transfer after spending most days in the cyber, watching my companion deface JW’s property, and being an all around dick to me by telling me how to shower and how to sleep.
For his replacement, the person that would help me with his bastion of knowledge, they gave me a white guy who spoke as much Spanish as I did because he was only a transfer further into his mission than me. They made this poor kid senior companion to me before his first transfer was over. Why? Because the kid was a workaholic.
The first thing this elder and I did when we got to our apartment was to pick up and leave to go to the house of a member who had just died. We sang at the wake. I sang in a language I didn’t know, for people I didn’t know, with a companion I didn’t know. We sounded pretty damn good. The elder began setting appointments with the non-believing family members during the service. I just sat and watched the mindless kids chase the family dog.
This elder skipped lunch every day, and made me do the same. We knocked every door in our area twice that transfer. One time, he got very sick, and was delirious out in the sun with me while we were walking. I made us go home for lunch that day, and he made me promise to wake him up after thirty minutes so we could get back to the Lord’s work. Three hours later he woke up, chewed me out for letting him sleep that long, and then begrudgingly thanked me for making him rest.
One time, while walking, this Elder expressed to me that he also had some questions, but he was afraid to share the details because he knew my own testimony was fragile. I pressed him for details of his plight, and he revealed to me the darkest part of church history that he had learned while we were in the CCM, that Joseph Smith had drank alcohol while in Carthage Jail before he died. Thoughts of Fanny Alger, of Mountain Meadows Massacre, and of my own mother’s rather recently implemented looser interpretation of the word of wisdom all flashed through my head. This guy was supposed to be my teacher? All I could do was express how sorry I was for his confusion, and told him to have faith. Heaven knew I couldn’t help him.
One night with this companion, it was storming hard, and the streets were flooded. This guy refused to let us go home. We climbed along fences to avoid getting our already wet shoes soaked, and waded through a foot of water to get to the doors that were slammed in our faces. There was a loose wire on a door bell, and when I rang it, I was shocked by the completed circuit the water made. Rejection after rejection piled up. Finally, my “senior” companion said that this was the last row of houses. On the last house of the last row, there was a family that was all deaf. The father opened the door, and was suprised to see us and didn’t know who we were. I remembered the sign for Jesus from my grandparents who started and ran the ASL endowment ceremony in the Saint George temple. The family was thrilled we knew the sign. When I asked if we could come in, the family politely waved goodbye and closed the door on our faces.
Another time when it rained, something fell into my eye. It was one of those freak nature accidents, and small enough that I couldn’t figure out how to get it out without a mirror. The thing stayed wedged in the corner of my eye for hours before we got home and I could finally get the foreign object out. Looking at it on my finger, I could see it was a small green spider. Days later, still in pain, I pulled what I can only assume was accumulated webbing from the spider that I’d crushed against my eyeball off of my lower eye lid. The pain stopped after that.
I bought a $500 camera. It was stolen within a month.
This Elder and I had the good luck before transfers to baptize two children. They would have been baptized anyways, so I didn’t do any actual converting, but I taught a few lessons, got in the water and did the dunk. Bucket list item, check.
I didn’t have enough time for laundry on P-Day, so I’d wash my outfit and dry in on the radiator through the night. Transfers happen, and my new companion lied to our land lords about the electricity bill, paying it in full but not giving a reason as to why it was so high. I didn’t care anymore, I just needed something clean to wear, but these land lord had treated me and my previous companion well, better than the previous landlord who had stolen our cleaning supplies. I felt these people deserved honesty. My senior companion capitulated eventually, and he and I butted heads regularly after that on the morality of things. I think in hindsight he was a smarter and better man than I was.
The new land lords, the “Lagunez Family”, were wonderful. They included us in their activities, and I felt like I had some people in my corner. When I eventually came home from my mission, a daughter of the family had written me a goodbye letter. She is currently serving a mission. They made some great music, and I have “Infiltradors” on CD, the official name of the band the father of the family was a part of (he was the drummer).
I knew the whole area by heart by that point, so I navigated us to our appointments. Half of the landmarks I watched for to know our location were interesting buildings with unique colors. The other half of my landmarks were dead dogs whose decaying corpses had become second nature to see. I began marking how much time had passed by how deeply a certain dog on a certain dirt path’s chest was caved in.
There was an apartment complex in my area that I had been told not to proselytize in because “It’s dangerous.” Turns out, those people didn’t have any money, so the church didn’t want them. That complex was past the dog and to the east about ten blocks.
My companion and I knocked on a door, and visited a man who was missing his legs. His daughter was there, putting dirty water on the aching wounds. He had a single room for a house, and wheezed when he spoke. He couldn’t afford medication. He still went out and worked all day for his daughter, and gave her whatever money he made, trusting her to keep him alive somehow. The church expected this man to pay tithing. The church expected me to tell this man to pay tithing.
I got the chance to hike up a mountain. At the top, I played chess with a chess set I’d procured from one of the best rapid chess players I’ve ever met. He had been the ward mission leader. He was a good man, a good father, and I wish him the best.
I found another man who was deaf and spoke sign language. I sat with him, and convinced him to come to church all by myself while my companion talked with some tienda tender. I was so excited because this was my own personal project and it was going well. The man came to church, and I sat with him through sacrament meeting. In Sunday school (I can’t believe I did this), I accidentally drooled on the guy. I was just talking so he could read my lips, and I guess I forgot to swallow at some point because a dolup of spit landed on his arm. I apologized profusely, and he played it off, but I never saw that investigator again.
My companion and I knocked a door one day, and a man answered. He wore tattered clothes, and maggots were burrowing into and out of his feet. He muttered something about the stars, missing his wife, and he began to tear up. My eyes stung from the stench. The door closed. Somehow, I knew the man would be dead in a matter of weeks.
I had lost hope that I was doing anything worth while. I looked down on the Doc Martins that had stayed with me five months at this point. I was angry with myself for being so useless in the field, angry with the church for giving me leaders that didn’t listen to my needs or perspective, angry with my mom for drinking while I had to teach people that it was a sin, angry with my dad for giving me the skills and knowledge to justify anything, even pedophilia in the early days of the church, to the point where I could look someone in the eye, and knowing the kind of man Smith was, tell them he was a good man and a true prophet of God. Suddenly a man approached us. He said he recognized us as missionaries, and asked about our message. This never happened. People didn’t just come up to us unless they were crazy or dangerous. But this was a public place, and this guy was genuine. My companion talked to him, and gathered his story, but I was plotting something else. I was done with not caring about these people in a way that mattered. I was tired of walking in another man’s shoes, a man who wasn’t me, who believed different things than me. The chopped leg, the rotting dogs, the infested feet, it all swirled into a single thought in that moment.
What would Jesus do?
I walked over to the man, and in broken Spanish asked him to stand next to me. He did so, and I compared my shoe size to his foot. It was a perfect match. He protested, but I didn’t let him get a word in edge wise. I took off my shoes, put them on his dirty feet, and laced them up nice and tight. Those shoes had cost a ton, and had been meant to last the whole mission. All I had left at this point were my fancy dress shoes that gave my blisters back at the apartment. I didn’t care. I walked home in my socks that day, happy as a lark.
Covid-19 hit a month later. I was one of the few they brought home instead of quarantining. After having served only 6 months. I told God if he wanted me to stay home, he’d have to make them release me.
They released me. I think I was one of maybe a hundred missionaries that were released due to Covid. The church realized their mistake pretty soon after I was released. Once Covid infrastructure began to develop, they didn’t release any more. I guess I didn’t serve a full two years, but I did serve a full mission.
My brother served, and he nearly killed himself due to intense depression brought on by Covid quarantine and poor leadership (I’ve got a few mission president stories, but those are for another time).
I learned lying to someone’s face from my mission, and spent the rest of my time at BYU-I as “nuanced” until the last two years, over which the most epic hoe phase imaginable became my new mission. I spent those years terrified of getting a call from the honor code office.
I’m married now, with my degree irrevocably in my possession. I have friends and loved ones that are in the church and are working on their mission papers. I’m beginning to feel powerless again. I’m seeing the decay again, not on legs, feet, or dogs anymore, but in the souls of the people who the church raises to do their dirty volunteer work. I see them like the animal sacrifices I saw being prepared. I’m not sure what shoes I have left to give to those people that I know are going to be in pain.
My parents are out completely now. It was a long time coming, but they are out and so much happier. I’m working on building a new relationship with my family, one based off of the fact that we won’t be together forever, so we have to make the most of our time together now.
Happy Sunday guys, best of luck to you all. And most importantly, chupa la piña.