Depressed sarcastic quotes
Depressed Chapel Quotes
2022.03.02 17:22 Depressed Chapel Quotes
A collection of depressing quotes from the Chapel, a hellish source of inspiration and memes.
2012.06.13 19:18 Apostolate Prepare For The Part
A place dedicated to giving and finding job-related advice, be it for resumes, job applications or career paths.
2013.07.24 00:33 gugulo Conscious Like Us
"All censorship should be deplored. When people put their thumbs on the scale and try to say what can and can't be sent, we should fight back both through protest and through software." Reddit Cofounder Aaron Swartz (1986-2013)
2024.06.10 23:47 psychodogcat "Death is the price of admission to this life, and it is a very fair trade."
Hello friends,
I have been struggling with thanatophobia since middle school but have had it flare up a lot recently. I am not religious, and furthermore even the idea of heaven scares me. For wxample, in Christianity it is believed that heaven is a place of sanctity and bliss with God, but you don't even remember anyone you met on earth... That sounds like hell to me.
I believe that there is one silver lining. The fact that we (specifically people who struggle with an extreme fear of death) have so much fear of death is a sign that we truly love our lives. Not everyone can say that. Now, sometimes I do wish that someday I will be ready to pass on, but I don't want it to be a depression where it is because I hate life.
We may be cursed with thanatophobia, but I think it speaks to the fact that we are truly in love with life. That is beautiful. I can't prove it, but I suspect that those in extreme poverty and living very hard lives probably have lower rates of thanatophobia. Just something to think about.
The quote "Death is the price of admission to this life, and it is a very fair trade" really speaks to me. Yes, we will die. No, we don't know what is on the other side of that door. But, is it worth it? I would say absolutely. I think we should have a lot of gratitude for getting the opportunity to live; so many lives are cut short or never begin in the first place. If I had to choose I'd take what I have now.
Given the love that I have been given and the love that I have given out to those close to me, it must be worth it. I'm almost twenty, so probably around a quarter of my life has passed by (but hopefully closer to like a fifth!) and THAT scares me. But, the amount of love there has been in my life in just a quarter lifetime? Absolutely amazing. If I die, I will bring that love with me to the other side.
All of this is the logical side of me. The emotional side still freaks out a lot at the idea of death a lot. Still, I find this quote helped me personally, and I hope it helps some of you.
submitted by psychodogcat to thanatophobia [link] [comments]
I have been struggling with thanatophobia since middle school but have had it flare up a lot recently. I am not religious, and furthermore even the idea of heaven scares me. For wxample, in Christianity it is believed that heaven is a place of sanctity and bliss with God, but you don't even remember anyone you met on earth... That sounds like hell to me.
I believe that there is one silver lining. The fact that we (specifically people who struggle with an extreme fear of death) have so much fear of death is a sign that we truly love our lives. Not everyone can say that. Now, sometimes I do wish that someday I will be ready to pass on, but I don't want it to be a depression where it is because I hate life.
We may be cursed with thanatophobia, but I think it speaks to the fact that we are truly in love with life. That is beautiful. I can't prove it, but I suspect that those in extreme poverty and living very hard lives probably have lower rates of thanatophobia. Just something to think about.
The quote "Death is the price of admission to this life, and it is a very fair trade" really speaks to me. Yes, we will die. No, we don't know what is on the other side of that door. But, is it worth it? I would say absolutely. I think we should have a lot of gratitude for getting the opportunity to live; so many lives are cut short or never begin in the first place. If I had to choose I'd take what I have now.
Given the love that I have been given and the love that I have given out to those close to me, it must be worth it. I'm almost twenty, so probably around a quarter of my life has passed by (but hopefully closer to like a fifth!) and THAT scares me. But, the amount of love there has been in my life in just a quarter lifetime? Absolutely amazing. If I die, I will bring that love with me to the other side.
All of this is the logical side of me. The emotional side still freaks out a lot at the idea of death a lot. Still, I find this quote helped me personally, and I hope it helps some of you.
2024.06.10 22:05 Rafaelkruger Obliterate Procrastination - The Secret Reasons You Procrastinate And How To Overcome Them
The first thing you have to understand is that procrastination isn’t about laziness and rarely about the task we’ve been avoiding.
Simply put, procrastination happens because of the meaning we attach to certain tasks, and because of this hidden meaning, procrastination becomes a strategy to avoid facing something deeper.
For instance, since I launched my book and I have more people paying attention to me, I noticed this resistance to posting about certain topics and telling my stories.
Why? … Because I’m afraid of being judged and not being good enough. This evokes my desire to be perfect, which leads to being identified with my productions and being attached to the outcome.
When I was overweight, I’d constantly procrastinate on buying new clothes.
Why? … Because I’d have to look myself in the mirror. I knew my clothes were getting tighter and I didn’t want to buy a bigger number of pants. I was avoiding facing I wasn’t taking good care of myself.
Recently, I lost my credit card and to get a new one was very simple. All I had to do was make a phone call, but I avoided it for weeks.
Why? … Because the call had to be done in Spanish, and I don’t feel very confident speaking Spanish yet.
This makes me feel insecure, because I feel like my Spanish should be way better now that I’m living in Argentina. Of course, this is all in my head, the truth is that I can already hold conversions in Spanish, but I’m judging myself too harshly.
Do you see? … Procrastination is just a symptom of something deeper.
It’s about the meaning and heaviness we attach to certain tasks and while this is unconscious, they feel much bigger than they actually are. In fact, even using the word “procrastination” detracts us from the real experience as it’s a way to avoid uncovering the real truth.
People believe that just because they know a word they know everything there is to know about something. The truth is that using terms provides an illusory sense of control because now “we know what the thing is”.
However, we have to look for the secret reason behind procrastination, just like the examples I gave you. I wasn’t “procrastinating”, I didn’t want to feel rejected or judged.
When we unwrap the real reason, it becomes conscious and we can finally do something about it. It’s no longer this invisible master of puppets making us feel ashamed and guilty for constantly postponing certain tasks.
The Root Cause of Procrastination
During my practice as a therapist, I understood that procrastination is a very common symptom in people under the influence of a mother or father complex, and this took things to a whole new level.
In very simple terms, these are people who don’t want to grow up and take any responsibility for their lives. Some people know that as the Peter Pan syndrome, but nowadays people call it the man-child or the woman-child. in Jungian Psychology, we call it the Puer and Puella Aeternus.
When I realized that, I understood that the problem of procrastination is something much deeper, it’s not about postponing daily tasks, It’s about postponing growing up and fully living life. New studies are showing that adolescence is extending to 30 years old and people are doing everything they can to remain childish.
Why? … Because this is the easy way out, while you’re childish you don’t have to take responsibility for anything and you can always blame your parents, your family, and society.
All of this passivity and lack of responsibility leads to people feeling lost and having no sense of purpose and direction. This obviously leads to massive amounts of anxiety and depression. Procrastination is just a symptom of something deeper and that’s why simply giving you a list of habits won’t solve it, we have to address the root cause first.
We have to talk about our attitude towards life and what lies underneath procrastination:
For some it’s the fear of becoming independent, truly growing up, and making their own decisions.
Others feel like they’re not good enough to do what they truly desire.
Others procrastinate to avoid disappointing their families or partners.
Others procrastinate because they don’t have the right motivation,
they’re just trying to please someone else. On a deeper, level, they’re living their entire lives with someone else’s map.
Others procrastinate because they lack self-esteem and don’t feel like they deserve to accomplish anything.
Others procrastinate because they’re afraid they’ll be rejected if they put themselves out there.
While others procrastinate because they’re afraid of failure.
The First Thing
If you’re under the influence of a mother and father complex, the first thing you have to realize is that there’s a part of you that wants to remain a child and sabotages all your attempts to become independent and accomplish your goals. This part is also very clever, as it’s a master in creating the perfect excuses to avoid doing all the tasks you have to do.
Now, I know that many people were dealt a bad hand, I had to deal with CPTSD and severe derealization. However, the first thing that ought to be done is to emotionally and psychologically separate yourself from your parents. Until you do so, you’ll never be your own person and you’ll be forever doomed to repeat their stories.
Simply put, psychologically speaking, being under the influence of the parents entails that you unconsciously adopt their worldview, beliefs, fears, and all of their patterns around work, money, relationships, and life in general.
I won’t go into full detail here because I already wrote extensively about it in my Conquer The Puer and Puella Aeternus Series, I’ll focus on expanding these ideas and how they apply specifically to procrastination.
What I’d like to add is that you won’t be able to carve your own path if you don’t take the responsibility upon you to craft your own values and create your unique sense of meaning.
These answers won’t come from anyone else but you, and if you don’t actively engage in this process, you’ll operate with goals and a belief system that have nothing to do with your personality and authentic desires. You’ll be trying to please others and fulfill their expectations instead of following your soul. That’s what most people choose to do and that’s also why they lead meaningless lives.
Just a quick note here, when I say that people have to emotionally separate from their parents some people tend to assume this is a bad thing. But this is not about cutting ties with your family and shutting them off, this is about becoming your own person, it’s about developing your own personality, beliefs, and values.
It’s about becoming independent and letting go of the need for their approval. It’s about individuation, which means carving your own path. In some cases, this will require keeping a certain distance from the family while for others this might not be necessary, you have to discern what’s your scenario and not use your family as an excuse.
Comfort – A Poisonous Drug
Being under the influence of the parental complex means that you either live a life trying to fulfill their expectations or trying to prove them wrong, in this second case, you do everything they wouldn’t approve. Either way, it’s not a conscious decision because everything is done in reaction to the parents, it’s not an expression of your individuality.
Taking things into a procrastination context, the quickest way to realize if you’re under the influence of a negative mother complex is if you’re constantly seeking COMFORT.
In other words, you’re procrastinating because you HAVE the perfect conditions.
I know, a bit of a mind fuck…
The problem is that you got used to your current level of comfort and this keeps you stuck. Comfort is one of the most powerful drugs that exists. I love it when I can just brew myself a great cup of coffee and simply stare into the void. I just want to do nothing and pretend that I don’t have any adult responsibilities for a while, lol.
The problem is that people usually fall in love with this “pretending” and it quickly becomes an escapism. Whenever there’s a situation demanding growth, instead of facing it head-on, they choose the easy way out.
When you do that, you also open the door to a mediocre life. This mediocre spirit whispers in your ear, “It’s ok to eat that extra cookie”. “It’s ok to spend all of your time doom scrolling or watching adult videos”.
Quickly, it converts into a master of puppets keeping you hostage of your own “comfort”. The mindset “If I just had the perfect conditions I could start”, perfectly encapsulates it. There’s always one more book you have to read, there’s always one more thing you have to buy, the list never ends!
The first thing you have to realize is that comfort is subjective. You might not think that your current life is objectively comfortable, yet, you got used to it. Worse, you keep lying to yourself saying that everything is ok.
Avoiding making a decision doesn’t make things magically disappear, it just makes the imaginary monster bigger.
Until you admit to yourself that things must change, I’m sorry to tell you, but you’ll just keep wasting your life. This “comfort” is poisonous and will corrode your health, relationships, and all your potential to live a great life.
Now, looking on the bright side.
Once you understand that you’ve been lying to yourself, you also realize that you had the perfect conditions to start all along. Let’s be serious, if you’re reading this right now, I’m sure you have all you need to start whatever you want to do.
Instead of choosing comfort every time, you have to learn how to intelligently apply friction to yourself and we’re gonna explore that in future articles.
I’d like to end with this quoting Kant – “You’re only free when you choose to do what you don’t want to do”.
Many people have this childish idea that if they form a lot of habits they’ll stop having fun and life will become boring, but it’s exactly the other way around. If you don’t develop discipline, your destructive desires will continue to ruin your life.
It’s not fun having bad financial habits and never knowing if you’ll have enough money. It’s not fun not being able to control what we eat, constantly put on weight and feel disgusting when we look in the mirror.
It’s not fun not being able to accomplish our tasks and feel guilty, ashamed, and like a failure. Not only that, when you don’t have good habits you waste a lot of time in meaningless tasks, such as thinking about what you’re gonna eat or wear.
However, when we form good habits everything becomes automatic and we don’t have to think about it anymore, it becomes effortless and this frees a lot of mental energy. We stop being worried about meaningless stuff and we can apply this energy to deep thinking and creativity.
Having good habits and deciding exactly how we’ll spend our time, resources, and energy is extremely powerful and brings immense freedom. It’s time to stop being a slave of your illusory comfort. You’re not lost, you’re afraid of responsibility and carving your own path.
Lastly, you can find a deep dive into the mother and father complex in the 3rd chapter of my free book PISTIS.
Download Here
Rafael Krüger – Jungian Therapist
submitted by Rafaelkruger to Jung [link] [comments]
Simply put, procrastination happens because of the meaning we attach to certain tasks, and because of this hidden meaning, procrastination becomes a strategy to avoid facing something deeper.
For instance, since I launched my book and I have more people paying attention to me, I noticed this resistance to posting about certain topics and telling my stories.
Why? … Because I’m afraid of being judged and not being good enough. This evokes my desire to be perfect, which leads to being identified with my productions and being attached to the outcome.
When I was overweight, I’d constantly procrastinate on buying new clothes.
Why? … Because I’d have to look myself in the mirror. I knew my clothes were getting tighter and I didn’t want to buy a bigger number of pants. I was avoiding facing I wasn’t taking good care of myself.
Recently, I lost my credit card and to get a new one was very simple. All I had to do was make a phone call, but I avoided it for weeks.
Why? … Because the call had to be done in Spanish, and I don’t feel very confident speaking Spanish yet.
This makes me feel insecure, because I feel like my Spanish should be way better now that I’m living in Argentina. Of course, this is all in my head, the truth is that I can already hold conversions in Spanish, but I’m judging myself too harshly.
Do you see? … Procrastination is just a symptom of something deeper.
It’s about the meaning and heaviness we attach to certain tasks and while this is unconscious, they feel much bigger than they actually are. In fact, even using the word “procrastination” detracts us from the real experience as it’s a way to avoid uncovering the real truth.
People believe that just because they know a word they know everything there is to know about something. The truth is that using terms provides an illusory sense of control because now “we know what the thing is”.
However, we have to look for the secret reason behind procrastination, just like the examples I gave you. I wasn’t “procrastinating”, I didn’t want to feel rejected or judged.
When we unwrap the real reason, it becomes conscious and we can finally do something about it. It’s no longer this invisible master of puppets making us feel ashamed and guilty for constantly postponing certain tasks.
The Root Cause of Procrastination
During my practice as a therapist, I understood that procrastination is a very common symptom in people under the influence of a mother or father complex, and this took things to a whole new level.
In very simple terms, these are people who don’t want to grow up and take any responsibility for their lives. Some people know that as the Peter Pan syndrome, but nowadays people call it the man-child or the woman-child. in Jungian Psychology, we call it the Puer and Puella Aeternus.
When I realized that, I understood that the problem of procrastination is something much deeper, it’s not about postponing daily tasks, It’s about postponing growing up and fully living life. New studies are showing that adolescence is extending to 30 years old and people are doing everything they can to remain childish.
Why? … Because this is the easy way out, while you’re childish you don’t have to take responsibility for anything and you can always blame your parents, your family, and society.
All of this passivity and lack of responsibility leads to people feeling lost and having no sense of purpose and direction. This obviously leads to massive amounts of anxiety and depression. Procrastination is just a symptom of something deeper and that’s why simply giving you a list of habits won’t solve it, we have to address the root cause first.
We have to talk about our attitude towards life and what lies underneath procrastination:
For some it’s the fear of becoming independent, truly growing up, and making their own decisions.
Others feel like they’re not good enough to do what they truly desire.
Others procrastinate to avoid disappointing their families or partners.
Others procrastinate because they don’t have the right motivation,
they’re just trying to please someone else. On a deeper, level, they’re living their entire lives with someone else’s map.
Others procrastinate because they lack self-esteem and don’t feel like they deserve to accomplish anything.
Others procrastinate because they’re afraid they’ll be rejected if they put themselves out there.
While others procrastinate because they’re afraid of failure.
The First Thing
If you’re under the influence of a mother and father complex, the first thing you have to realize is that there’s a part of you that wants to remain a child and sabotages all your attempts to become independent and accomplish your goals. This part is also very clever, as it’s a master in creating the perfect excuses to avoid doing all the tasks you have to do.
Now, I know that many people were dealt a bad hand, I had to deal with CPTSD and severe derealization. However, the first thing that ought to be done is to emotionally and psychologically separate yourself from your parents. Until you do so, you’ll never be your own person and you’ll be forever doomed to repeat their stories.
Simply put, psychologically speaking, being under the influence of the parents entails that you unconsciously adopt their worldview, beliefs, fears, and all of their patterns around work, money, relationships, and life in general.
I won’t go into full detail here because I already wrote extensively about it in my Conquer The Puer and Puella Aeternus Series, I’ll focus on expanding these ideas and how they apply specifically to procrastination.
What I’d like to add is that you won’t be able to carve your own path if you don’t take the responsibility upon you to craft your own values and create your unique sense of meaning.
These answers won’t come from anyone else but you, and if you don’t actively engage in this process, you’ll operate with goals and a belief system that have nothing to do with your personality and authentic desires. You’ll be trying to please others and fulfill their expectations instead of following your soul. That’s what most people choose to do and that’s also why they lead meaningless lives.
Just a quick note here, when I say that people have to emotionally separate from their parents some people tend to assume this is a bad thing. But this is not about cutting ties with your family and shutting them off, this is about becoming your own person, it’s about developing your own personality, beliefs, and values.
It’s about becoming independent and letting go of the need for their approval. It’s about individuation, which means carving your own path. In some cases, this will require keeping a certain distance from the family while for others this might not be necessary, you have to discern what’s your scenario and not use your family as an excuse.
Comfort – A Poisonous Drug
Being under the influence of the parental complex means that you either live a life trying to fulfill their expectations or trying to prove them wrong, in this second case, you do everything they wouldn’t approve. Either way, it’s not a conscious decision because everything is done in reaction to the parents, it’s not an expression of your individuality.
Taking things into a procrastination context, the quickest way to realize if you’re under the influence of a negative mother complex is if you’re constantly seeking COMFORT.
In other words, you’re procrastinating because you HAVE the perfect conditions.
I know, a bit of a mind fuck…
The problem is that you got used to your current level of comfort and this keeps you stuck. Comfort is one of the most powerful drugs that exists. I love it when I can just brew myself a great cup of coffee and simply stare into the void. I just want to do nothing and pretend that I don’t have any adult responsibilities for a while, lol.
The problem is that people usually fall in love with this “pretending” and it quickly becomes an escapism. Whenever there’s a situation demanding growth, instead of facing it head-on, they choose the easy way out.
When you do that, you also open the door to a mediocre life. This mediocre spirit whispers in your ear, “It’s ok to eat that extra cookie”. “It’s ok to spend all of your time doom scrolling or watching adult videos”.
Quickly, it converts into a master of puppets keeping you hostage of your own “comfort”. The mindset “If I just had the perfect conditions I could start”, perfectly encapsulates it. There’s always one more book you have to read, there’s always one more thing you have to buy, the list never ends!
The first thing you have to realize is that comfort is subjective. You might not think that your current life is objectively comfortable, yet, you got used to it. Worse, you keep lying to yourself saying that everything is ok.
Avoiding making a decision doesn’t make things magically disappear, it just makes the imaginary monster bigger.
Until you admit to yourself that things must change, I’m sorry to tell you, but you’ll just keep wasting your life. This “comfort” is poisonous and will corrode your health, relationships, and all your potential to live a great life.
Now, looking on the bright side.
Once you understand that you’ve been lying to yourself, you also realize that you had the perfect conditions to start all along. Let’s be serious, if you’re reading this right now, I’m sure you have all you need to start whatever you want to do.
Instead of choosing comfort every time, you have to learn how to intelligently apply friction to yourself and we’re gonna explore that in future articles.
I’d like to end with this quoting Kant – “You’re only free when you choose to do what you don’t want to do”.
Many people have this childish idea that if they form a lot of habits they’ll stop having fun and life will become boring, but it’s exactly the other way around. If you don’t develop discipline, your destructive desires will continue to ruin your life.
It’s not fun having bad financial habits and never knowing if you’ll have enough money. It’s not fun not being able to control what we eat, constantly put on weight and feel disgusting when we look in the mirror.
It’s not fun not being able to accomplish our tasks and feel guilty, ashamed, and like a failure. Not only that, when you don’t have good habits you waste a lot of time in meaningless tasks, such as thinking about what you’re gonna eat or wear.
However, when we form good habits everything becomes automatic and we don’t have to think about it anymore, it becomes effortless and this frees a lot of mental energy. We stop being worried about meaningless stuff and we can apply this energy to deep thinking and creativity.
Having good habits and deciding exactly how we’ll spend our time, resources, and energy is extremely powerful and brings immense freedom. It’s time to stop being a slave of your illusory comfort. You’re not lost, you’re afraid of responsibility and carving your own path.
Lastly, you can find a deep dive into the mother and father complex in the 3rd chapter of my free book PISTIS.
Download Here
Rafael Krüger – Jungian Therapist
2024.06.10 21:32 Rainha_Elsa_1872 Where do you think Elsa lives and under the current circumstances, where would you prefer her to live?
The other sub's post made me wonder where you think Elsa is living and where you "prefer" she was living, I put it in quotes because I know everyone here would like her to be living in Arendelle, but unfortunately that's not the case. current situation, so I'm referring to where they prefer her to be living among the options we have.
On Ahtohallan: yes, I know that PN says it's just a place she goes to feel at peace, but it's a semi-canonical book that can be contradicted at any time, remembering that at the end of F2, when the sun It's setting Elsa heads towards Ahtohallan.
in an ice cave: This refers to a game in which Elsa's house is an ice cave.
in a tent: the question is, in a tent together with the Northuldras or a solitary tent in the forest? I remember that in a comic someone pointed out that behind Elsa there was the tip of a tent on the ground, in PN, when Anna goes to visit Elsa in the forest they stay in tents.
a hut: the soldiers stayed there for many years, perhaps they built one.
an ice house/palace: she already did it once and I don't doubt she'll do it again.
outdoors: I don't know, maybe just making a bed and a temporary roof to spend the night anywhere.
from a queen in a castle, to a homeless ex-queen, this is very depressing, do you think they showed where she lives in F3/4?
submitted by Rainha_Elsa_1872 to BringElsaHome [link] [comments]
On Ahtohallan: yes, I know that PN says it's just a place she goes to feel at peace, but it's a semi-canonical book that can be contradicted at any time, remembering that at the end of F2, when the sun It's setting Elsa heads towards Ahtohallan.
in an ice cave: This refers to a game in which Elsa's house is an ice cave.
in a tent: the question is, in a tent together with the Northuldras or a solitary tent in the forest? I remember that in a comic someone pointed out that behind Elsa there was the tip of a tent on the ground, in PN, when Anna goes to visit Elsa in the forest they stay in tents.
a hut: the soldiers stayed there for many years, perhaps they built one.
an ice house/palace: she already did it once and I don't doubt she'll do it again.
outdoors: I don't know, maybe just making a bed and a temporary roof to spend the night anywhere.
from a queen in a castle, to a homeless ex-queen, this is very depressing, do you think they showed where she lives in F3/4?
2024.06.10 21:09 Brilliant_Shine2247 I'll Be Back In Business Soon
Over the last 6+ years, I have had more than my fair share of tragedies and trauma. So much that even the most seasoned soap opera star would be like, "Damn, man. You need a few drama free years."
It all started in 2017, when an attempt on my life barely failed. I lived, but I was left homeless with a brain injury, having to teach myself how to read and write all over again. It was tough, but I did it.
I've been homeless every since, for the most part. I've fought like a rabid honey badger to find some way to make some good come out of all this, so when I got the chance to stay in a dilapidated abandoned house, I knew exactly what had to be done, and I turned it into a safe place for women and young people in the LGBTQ+ community who were running from abuse and violence. A place where they could sleep with both eyes closed, get something to eat, take some time to formulate a plan, or just whatever. I didn't take anything from anyone who stayed there, and I asked very few questions. These were people who were cast out by the local shelter for whatever shitty excuse the admins could think of, so I made it my mission to try and provide what sense of belonging that I could.
That house became very well known around this small podunk town. In the 4+ years I was there, I would say roughly 200 people took advantage of what I called radical hospitality. I also did white flag shelter with the kerosene heater a friend sent me. To quote Dickens, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."
About 6 months ago, a couple of gang bangers moved in across the street from me, and 2 months after that, one rented the house next to my spot. Immediately, they started trying to get me to start selling heroin and crack out of my place, and with each of my refusals, I could see the anger building until they said forget tact and I was run out at gunpoint. Several gunpoints, to be more specific.
The depression that fell over me just about did me in. Living in a tent in the woods by myself means I'm no longer useful, and feeling useless is my kryptonite.
Then, over the weekend, my camp buddy who let me put my tent in those woods let me know his uncle was coming by to drop off a few things, and he wanted to meet me.
His uncle and I got along great. He's even a Monty Python freak! We got into a long discussion about my plans of starting a nonprofit street outreach based on what I did with that house, and before long, we came up with a plan. He's letting me put together a campsite on his land where I can once again start helping folks! Man, I am stoked.
I can put up no more than 10 tents for visiting guests, which doesn't include a tent, or more likely just some type of structure to serve as a place to cook and serve food, and a small tent to keep supplies in. He's said he will give me the title of caretaker so I'll be able to ask people to leave if necessary. And I assure you, it will be necessary from time to time. That means I'll be responsible for keeping the area cleaned up so it doesn't become one of those homeless encampments you see on the news all the time, which won't be a problem for me as I learned a lot of hard lessons back at the old house.
I already used all the money I made from a book I wrote and a Ko-fi page where I offered my writing about homelessness and accepted donations until an issue with PayPal caused me to shut it down. I bought 3 nice 8-man tents (so people have room to move about), 2 outdoor shower setups, 4 thick sleeping bags, a few pillows, and 2 big metal garbage cans. I've still got a ways to go before it all comes together, so I'm putting out feelers to some folks who have helped me in the past in hopes that by next weekend I'll be able to start putting out the word that good ole Pops is back in business. My own little village, where life and dreams are resurrected.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm a bit of a writer, and I've got me a work in progress.
submitted by Brilliant_Shine2247 to offmychest [link] [comments]
It all started in 2017, when an attempt on my life barely failed. I lived, but I was left homeless with a brain injury, having to teach myself how to read and write all over again. It was tough, but I did it.
I've been homeless every since, for the most part. I've fought like a rabid honey badger to find some way to make some good come out of all this, so when I got the chance to stay in a dilapidated abandoned house, I knew exactly what had to be done, and I turned it into a safe place for women and young people in the LGBTQ+ community who were running from abuse and violence. A place where they could sleep with both eyes closed, get something to eat, take some time to formulate a plan, or just whatever. I didn't take anything from anyone who stayed there, and I asked very few questions. These were people who were cast out by the local shelter for whatever shitty excuse the admins could think of, so I made it my mission to try and provide what sense of belonging that I could.
That house became very well known around this small podunk town. In the 4+ years I was there, I would say roughly 200 people took advantage of what I called radical hospitality. I also did white flag shelter with the kerosene heater a friend sent me. To quote Dickens, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."
About 6 months ago, a couple of gang bangers moved in across the street from me, and 2 months after that, one rented the house next to my spot. Immediately, they started trying to get me to start selling heroin and crack out of my place, and with each of my refusals, I could see the anger building until they said forget tact and I was run out at gunpoint. Several gunpoints, to be more specific.
The depression that fell over me just about did me in. Living in a tent in the woods by myself means I'm no longer useful, and feeling useless is my kryptonite.
Then, over the weekend, my camp buddy who let me put my tent in those woods let me know his uncle was coming by to drop off a few things, and he wanted to meet me.
His uncle and I got along great. He's even a Monty Python freak! We got into a long discussion about my plans of starting a nonprofit street outreach based on what I did with that house, and before long, we came up with a plan. He's letting me put together a campsite on his land where I can once again start helping folks! Man, I am stoked.
I can put up no more than 10 tents for visiting guests, which doesn't include a tent, or more likely just some type of structure to serve as a place to cook and serve food, and a small tent to keep supplies in. He's said he will give me the title of caretaker so I'll be able to ask people to leave if necessary. And I assure you, it will be necessary from time to time. That means I'll be responsible for keeping the area cleaned up so it doesn't become one of those homeless encampments you see on the news all the time, which won't be a problem for me as I learned a lot of hard lessons back at the old house.
I already used all the money I made from a book I wrote and a Ko-fi page where I offered my writing about homelessness and accepted donations until an issue with PayPal caused me to shut it down. I bought 3 nice 8-man tents (so people have room to move about), 2 outdoor shower setups, 4 thick sleeping bags, a few pillows, and 2 big metal garbage cans. I've still got a ways to go before it all comes together, so I'm putting out feelers to some folks who have helped me in the past in hopes that by next weekend I'll be able to start putting out the word that good ole Pops is back in business. My own little village, where life and dreams are resurrected.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm a bit of a writer, and I've got me a work in progress.
2024.06.10 20:21 VeilMirror PAIN
Hey, I hope you are all well.
TLDR: AFAB, recently quoted smoking, mid thirties. I have mild PCOS and some moderate to severe back pain. What the hell is going on with me?!
I’ve recently been diagnosed with a “mild” case of PCOS. My doctor doesn’t think I need any medical intervention. I have the following symptoms: mood issues, low blood pressure, hungry often, fatigue, and painful ovulation and periods. I have irregular hair growth and had acne in my late twenties. Regular periods for my whole life. Not overweight but gone up a few sizes the last two years. Definitely a bloated belly. Hormones normal except for “one high androgyn” (not testosterone). Thyroid and white blood cells normal. Trans-vaginal ultrasound showed follicles on my ovaries. Lifestyle: I eat vegetarian diet. I take iron tablets for low iron. I take 100mg sertraline daily for depression and anxiety. Non-smoker. I avoid junk food and try walk and do physio and yoga daily. I see a physio for back issues. As I have regular periods my doctor doesn’t think I need medication.
Here’s the kicker. I’ve been suffering moderate to severe upper and lower back, tailbone, and knuckle pain the last few months. It comes and goes. It’s generally always ambiently there but really escalates when I’m active. Working sets it off (office work) and if I can stretch and rest a LOT it gets bad. Sometimes I just need to lay down in bed in total agony and can’t even hold my phone. I asked the doctor was this related to PCOS and she said no. I know doctor Google isn’t recommended but after a very quick search it’s very well documented PCOS causes inflammation in the body. A lot of people seems to have this sort of pain alongside PCOS. A while ago she prescribed me Vimovo for a short period and it felt like for a week I had my life back- a life without pain.
I’m going back to her this week to beg her for some kind of pain relief because I honestly can’t take this anymore. I’m going to end up losing my job due to the pain or just have a total breakdown. I’m at my wits end and I guess I’m just wondering does anyone have a similar experience or advice? Any resources?
Please no judgement. Thank you
submitted by VeilMirror to PCOS [link] [comments]
TLDR: AFAB, recently quoted smoking, mid thirties. I have mild PCOS and some moderate to severe back pain. What the hell is going on with me?!
I’ve recently been diagnosed with a “mild” case of PCOS. My doctor doesn’t think I need any medical intervention. I have the following symptoms: mood issues, low blood pressure, hungry often, fatigue, and painful ovulation and periods. I have irregular hair growth and had acne in my late twenties. Regular periods for my whole life. Not overweight but gone up a few sizes the last two years. Definitely a bloated belly. Hormones normal except for “one high androgyn” (not testosterone). Thyroid and white blood cells normal. Trans-vaginal ultrasound showed follicles on my ovaries. Lifestyle: I eat vegetarian diet. I take iron tablets for low iron. I take 100mg sertraline daily for depression and anxiety. Non-smoker. I avoid junk food and try walk and do physio and yoga daily. I see a physio for back issues. As I have regular periods my doctor doesn’t think I need medication.
Here’s the kicker. I’ve been suffering moderate to severe upper and lower back, tailbone, and knuckle pain the last few months. It comes and goes. It’s generally always ambiently there but really escalates when I’m active. Working sets it off (office work) and if I can stretch and rest a LOT it gets bad. Sometimes I just need to lay down in bed in total agony and can’t even hold my phone. I asked the doctor was this related to PCOS and she said no. I know doctor Google isn’t recommended but after a very quick search it’s very well documented PCOS causes inflammation in the body. A lot of people seems to have this sort of pain alongside PCOS. A while ago she prescribed me Vimovo for a short period and it felt like for a week I had my life back- a life without pain.
I’m going back to her this week to beg her for some kind of pain relief because I honestly can’t take this anymore. I’m going to end up losing my job due to the pain or just have a total breakdown. I’m at my wits end and I guess I’m just wondering does anyone have a similar experience or advice? Any resources?
Please no judgement. Thank you
2024.06.10 20:19 VeilMirror PCOS and Pain
Hi IWH, I hope you are all well.
TLDR: AFAB, recently quoted smoking, mid thirties. I have mild PCOS and some moderate to severe back pain. What the hell is going on with me?!
I’ve recently been diagnosed with a “mild” case of PCOS. My doctor doesn’t think I need any medical intervention. I have the following symptoms: mood issues, low blood pressure, hungry often, fatigue, and painful ovulation and periods. I have irregular hair growth and had acne in my late twenties. Regular periods for my whole life. Not overweight but gone up a few sizes the last two years. Definitely a bloated belly. Hormones normal except for “one high androgyn” (not testosterone). Thyroid and white blood cells normal. Trans-vaginal ultrasound showed follicles on my ovaries. Lifestyle: I eat vegetarian diet. I take iron tablets for low iron. I take 100mg sertraline daily for depression and anxiety. Non-smoker. I avoid junk food and try walk and do physio and yoga daily. I see a physio for back issues. As I have regular periods my doctor doesn’t think I need medication.
Here’s the kicker. I’ve been suffering moderate to severe upper and lower back, tailbone, and knuckle pain the last few months. It comes and goes. It’s generally always ambiently there but really escalates when I’m active. Working sets it off (office work) and if I can stretch and rest a LOT it gets bad. Sometimes I just need to lay down in bed in total agony and can’t even hold my phone. I asked the doctor was this related to PCOS and she said no. I know doctor Google isn’t recommended but after a very quick search it’s very well documented PCOS causes inflammation in the body. A lot of people seems to have this sort of pain alongside PCOS. A while ago she prescribed me Vimovo for a short period and it felt like for a week I had my life back- a life without pain.
I’m going back to her this week to beg her for some kind of pain relief because I honestly can’t take this anymore. I’m going to end up losing my job due to the pain or just have a total breakdown. I’m at my wits end and I guess I’m just wondering does anyone have any advice?
Please no judgement. Thank you.
submitted by VeilMirror to AskDocs [link] [comments]
TLDR: AFAB, recently quoted smoking, mid thirties. I have mild PCOS and some moderate to severe back pain. What the hell is going on with me?!
I’ve recently been diagnosed with a “mild” case of PCOS. My doctor doesn’t think I need any medical intervention. I have the following symptoms: mood issues, low blood pressure, hungry often, fatigue, and painful ovulation and periods. I have irregular hair growth and had acne in my late twenties. Regular periods for my whole life. Not overweight but gone up a few sizes the last two years. Definitely a bloated belly. Hormones normal except for “one high androgyn” (not testosterone). Thyroid and white blood cells normal. Trans-vaginal ultrasound showed follicles on my ovaries. Lifestyle: I eat vegetarian diet. I take iron tablets for low iron. I take 100mg sertraline daily for depression and anxiety. Non-smoker. I avoid junk food and try walk and do physio and yoga daily. I see a physio for back issues. As I have regular periods my doctor doesn’t think I need medication.
Here’s the kicker. I’ve been suffering moderate to severe upper and lower back, tailbone, and knuckle pain the last few months. It comes and goes. It’s generally always ambiently there but really escalates when I’m active. Working sets it off (office work) and if I can stretch and rest a LOT it gets bad. Sometimes I just need to lay down in bed in total agony and can’t even hold my phone. I asked the doctor was this related to PCOS and she said no. I know doctor Google isn’t recommended but after a very quick search it’s very well documented PCOS causes inflammation in the body. A lot of people seems to have this sort of pain alongside PCOS. A while ago she prescribed me Vimovo for a short period and it felt like for a week I had my life back- a life without pain.
I’m going back to her this week to beg her for some kind of pain relief because I honestly can’t take this anymore. I’m going to end up losing my job due to the pain or just have a total breakdown. I’m at my wits end and I guess I’m just wondering does anyone have any advice?
Please no judgement. Thank you.
2024.06.10 20:17 VeilMirror PCOS pain/inflammation help?
Hi IWH, I hope you are all well.
TLDR: AFAB, recently quoted smoking, mid thirties. I have mild PCOS and some moderate to severe back pain coming and going. What the hell is going on with me?!
I’ve recently been diagnosed with a “mild” case of PCOS. My doctor doesn’t think I need any medical intervention. I have the following symptoms: mood issues, low blood pressure, hungry often, fatigue, and painful ovulation and periods. I have irregular hair growth and had acne in my late twenties. Regular periods for my whole life. Not overweight but gone up a few sizes the last two years. Definitely a bloated belly. Hormones normal except for “one high androgyn” (not testosterone). Thyroid and white blood cells normal. Trans-vaginal ultrasound showed follicles on my ovaries. Lifestyle: I eat vegetarian diet. I take iron tablets for low iron. I take 100mg sertraline daily for depression and anxiety. Non-smoker. I avoid junk food and try walk and do physio and yoga daily. I see a physio for back issues. As I have regular periods my doctor doesn’t think I need medication.
Here’s the kicker. I’ve been suffering moderate to severe upper and lower back, tailbone, and knuckle pain the last few months. It comes and goes. It’s generally always ambiently there but really escalates when I’m active. Working sets it off (office work) and if I can stretch and rest a LOT it gets bad. Sometimes I just need to lay down in bed in total agony and can’t even hold my phone. I asked the doctor was this related to PCOS and she said no. I know doctor Google isn’t recommended but after a very quick search it’s very well documented PCOS causes inflammation in the body. A lot of people seems to have this sort of pain alongside PCOS. A while ago she prescribed me Vimovo for a short period and it felt like for a week I had my life back- a life without pain.
I’m going back to her this week to beg her for some kind of pain relief because I honestly can’t take this anymore. I’m going to end up losing my job due to the pain or just have a total breakdown. I’m at my wits end and I guess I’m just wondering does anyone have a similar experience or advice? Can anyone recommend a specialist? Any resources?
Please no judgement. Thank you
submitted by VeilMirror to IrishWomensHealth [link] [comments]
TLDR: AFAB, recently quoted smoking, mid thirties. I have mild PCOS and some moderate to severe back pain coming and going. What the hell is going on with me?!
I’ve recently been diagnosed with a “mild” case of PCOS. My doctor doesn’t think I need any medical intervention. I have the following symptoms: mood issues, low blood pressure, hungry often, fatigue, and painful ovulation and periods. I have irregular hair growth and had acne in my late twenties. Regular periods for my whole life. Not overweight but gone up a few sizes the last two years. Definitely a bloated belly. Hormones normal except for “one high androgyn” (not testosterone). Thyroid and white blood cells normal. Trans-vaginal ultrasound showed follicles on my ovaries. Lifestyle: I eat vegetarian diet. I take iron tablets for low iron. I take 100mg sertraline daily for depression and anxiety. Non-smoker. I avoid junk food and try walk and do physio and yoga daily. I see a physio for back issues. As I have regular periods my doctor doesn’t think I need medication.
Here’s the kicker. I’ve been suffering moderate to severe upper and lower back, tailbone, and knuckle pain the last few months. It comes and goes. It’s generally always ambiently there but really escalates when I’m active. Working sets it off (office work) and if I can stretch and rest a LOT it gets bad. Sometimes I just need to lay down in bed in total agony and can’t even hold my phone. I asked the doctor was this related to PCOS and she said no. I know doctor Google isn’t recommended but after a very quick search it’s very well documented PCOS causes inflammation in the body. A lot of people seems to have this sort of pain alongside PCOS. A while ago she prescribed me Vimovo for a short period and it felt like for a week I had my life back- a life without pain.
I’m going back to her this week to beg her for some kind of pain relief because I honestly can’t take this anymore. I’m going to end up losing my job due to the pain or just have a total breakdown. I’m at my wits end and I guess I’m just wondering does anyone have a similar experience or advice? Can anyone recommend a specialist? Any resources?
Please no judgement. Thank you
2024.06.10 18:51 DellUser9900 Repressed Ni in an intuitive type ?
I guess I'm an Ni type with repressed Se but have a repressed Ni somehow. I guess I'm an INTJ specifically. I'll provide some context in my life so you can verify if I have a repressed Ni or I'm just an Se type (although it feels repressed too, lol).
I've never had any Ni 'superpowers' before reading into Jung's work (unlike my friend) but I was able to figure out if someone's stupid based on his face. Boys' stupidity differes from girls'. Boys' stupidity is more like laziness in using their heads while girls' was like repressing thinking. I'm also a daydreamer and know what I want and have a vision and plan for my future. I hate when I can't forsee my future. And always felt like an outcast and kind of autistic and antisocial and misunderstood.
After reading Jung, I've had several intuitive experiences as described by Jung. For example, I quote Jung: "If an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate". This's easy to understand intellectually but it's a different matter intuitively. Once, I had a conflict with a friend and the friendship wasn't good. I was hateful and holded grudges. I had an imaginary conversation with him to attack him next time. In my imagination, I accused him of several things and told him I won't accept his apology. The next time I saw him, he accused me of the same things I accused him in my imaginary convo. And said he won't accept my apology! I was like holy moly! Did my imagination came to life ?! Then I was aware of my shadow projection into him (I knew that he's like my shadow but only intellectually).
Another one, I had a dying of will (or maybe something like depression) for several days. After that, we had an assignment in college and I felt the father archetype waking up and getting me out of depression. The thing is I had a tremendous dose of energy and was too excited and feared that I'll lose this energy soon because it happened to me before. I went outside and 3 small accidents happened near me. No one was hurt. It felt like the universe was telling to hold down. I was familiar with the concept of synchronicity back then.
Another one, I was able to interpret two dreams extensively after reading less than 10 pages from "The Problem of Puer Aeternus". I was amazed at how she, Marie von franz, caught symbols in real life. Back then, I haven't read dream interpretation guide or book yet. It was a wake up to my intuition.
Some aspects of my repressed Se: I feel in peace and a relief and as if a conflict was solved if I watch any video about making something by hands like building houses or living out in the forest or even doing anything with clay. And I don't feel at ease using my hands.
I guess you got my point. So, what do you think ?
submitted by DellUser9900 to Jung [link] [comments]
I've never had any Ni 'superpowers' before reading into Jung's work (unlike my friend) but I was able to figure out if someone's stupid based on his face. Boys' stupidity differes from girls'. Boys' stupidity is more like laziness in using their heads while girls' was like repressing thinking. I'm also a daydreamer and know what I want and have a vision and plan for my future. I hate when I can't forsee my future. And always felt like an outcast and kind of autistic and antisocial and misunderstood.
After reading Jung, I've had several intuitive experiences as described by Jung. For example, I quote Jung: "If an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate". This's easy to understand intellectually but it's a different matter intuitively. Once, I had a conflict with a friend and the friendship wasn't good. I was hateful and holded grudges. I had an imaginary conversation with him to attack him next time. In my imagination, I accused him of several things and told him I won't accept his apology. The next time I saw him, he accused me of the same things I accused him in my imaginary convo. And said he won't accept my apology! I was like holy moly! Did my imagination came to life ?! Then I was aware of my shadow projection into him (I knew that he's like my shadow but only intellectually).
Another one, I had a dying of will (or maybe something like depression) for several days. After that, we had an assignment in college and I felt the father archetype waking up and getting me out of depression. The thing is I had a tremendous dose of energy and was too excited and feared that I'll lose this energy soon because it happened to me before. I went outside and 3 small accidents happened near me. No one was hurt. It felt like the universe was telling to hold down. I was familiar with the concept of synchronicity back then.
Another one, I was able to interpret two dreams extensively after reading less than 10 pages from "The Problem of Puer Aeternus". I was amazed at how she, Marie von franz, caught symbols in real life. Back then, I haven't read dream interpretation guide or book yet. It was a wake up to my intuition.
Some aspects of my repressed Se: I feel in peace and a relief and as if a conflict was solved if I watch any video about making something by hands like building houses or living out in the forest or even doing anything with clay. And I don't feel at ease using my hands.
I guess you got my point. So, what do you think ?
2024.06.10 18:04 HelloLurkerHere In 1991 Dámaso Rodríguez, a Spanish rapist and killer with military training, hid for a month in Anaga mountains, Tenerife island. He killed and raped in the area while a large scale manhunt looked for him. The chase ended when a cornered Dámaso committed suicide during a gunfight with police. (2/2)
 | Picture of Dámaso Rodríguez, A.K.A. El Brujo, and the landscape of the Anaga massif, where the events took place submitted by HelloLurkerHere to TrueCrimeDiscussion [link] [comments] \*TW: Domestic violence and sexual assault.*\** Part 1 of the writeup here Escape and second crime spree (Nemesia Felipe, Karl Flick, Martha Küpper)Dámaso was granted another three-day leave on Thursday, 17 January 1991, thanks to his good behavior in the previous leave and the previous year. He was supposed to return to Tenerife II Penitentiary Center on 20 January. However, the following day (18 January), his wife Mercedes showed up at La Laguna police station with evident signs of having been assaulted. Mercedes filed a report against Dámaso; the day before, at around 6 PM, he went to his home, where he talked with Mercedes. She told him she wanted a divorce, to which Dámaso reacted by delivering a brutal beating on her. Dámaso then grabbed Mercedes' throat with both hands and squeezed hard, while yelling that he'd kill her if she refused to have sex with him ever again. Mercedes managed to calm him down until she sensed his grip on her neck had loosened and ran off the house. Mercedes sought refuge at a neighbor's house, who later escorted her to her parents' home. She would stay there, along with their two daughters (now aged 17 and 15) for a whole month, with several relatives keeping them company at all times for safety.That same evening, at around 9:15 PM, 60-years old Nemesia Felipe Martín, from Los Batanes (Dámaso's birthplace) walked in the same police station Mercedes had walked in a few hours earlier and reported she had been assaulted by Dámaso the night before. According to Nemesia, Dámaso broke in her home while she was asleep. He beat and tied her up, after which he raped her with extreme violence (as the medical examination would attest to). During the assault, a frightened Nemesia repeatedly begged him 'don't kill me, Maso, don't kill me', to which Dámaso angrily replied, every time, 'don't mention me'.\* \In this context, the meaning of Dámaso's reply is lost in translation. It implies a callous and total rejection of Nemesia's pleas. Had this interaction taken place in English, Dámaso would've likely said something on the lines of 'don't Maso me'.* Several neighbors of the villages in the area (Los Batanes, Bejía, Las Carboneras) began reporting the burglary of their homes, along with the theft of many of their belongings. The police made a list with the reported stolen goods; these were mostly canned food, grain, drinks and clothes. But what really set the alarms was the report his brother-in-law made; Dámaso had stolen the 12-gauge, double-barrel Zábala shotgun he used for hunting rabbits, and a cartridge belt with 50 rounds on it. This, added to one report of a stolen transistor radio (and numerous batteries for it) took the urgency to catch Dámaso to a new level. A 12-gauge, break-action Zábala shotgun, similar to the one Dámaso stole from his brother-in-law. It's important to recap here to get a clear picture of the danger the people of the Anaga massif was contending with in January and February 1991; a prison fugitive known for his extremely violent temper, and who had shown no qualms about killing and raping, was hiding in the mountainous laurissilva forests he knew better than anyone -arguably in the entire planet. He was armed, with abundant ammunition, and possessed extensive training in warfare tactics, as well as being very knowledgeable of outdoors survival techniques. He carried a transistor radio, which he used to learn what authorities' next move could be. Adding to these dangers, he was in a state of intense emotional agitation and it was very likely he'd be unwilling to go down without a fight. On 22 January, the press got hold of the story, which caused people in Anaga to panic, especially since El Brujo was still remembered for the Crime of El Moquinal. By now, authorities were three days into a large scale manhunt for Dámaso. That morning, an elderly German couple left their room in the Atlantis Park hotel, in the coast town of Bajamar, to spend the day hiking the Anaga mountains. Like many retired central and northern Europeans, 82-years old Karl Flick and 87-years old Martha Küpper spent the winters in the warm, subtropical climate of the Canary Islands. A very sad irony of this case; Karl and Martha often told their relatives and friends in their native Düsseldorf that one of the things they loved about hiking the mountains in Tenerife was how how safe they felt there. Martha Küpper and Karl Flick, at the hotel in Tenerife they were staying at. Picture taken during New Year's Eve 1990-1991 Karl's dead body was found the next day (23 January) by two botanists who were sampling specimens for scientific research, at the hiking trail between El Solís and El Moquinal. His body had been dragged a few meters off the path and had been partially covered with leafy branches. Karl's face was completely disfigured from a gunshot to his jaw, and since he carried no ID with him, his identification was delayed for several hours. Martha's body was found at around 3:15 PM the following day by some of the police officers taking part in the manhunt for Dámaso. She was found some 200 meters (650 feet) from where her husband was found -deeper in the woods and in a rather inaccessible place. She too had been dragged once she was dead. Martha's body was found in a seating position, leaning against a tree. She was missing her pants and underwear -these were never found-, and her body evidenced physical and sexual assault. Her pantyhose was tightly wrapped around her neck, which her killer had used to strangle her to death. Her killer had used the same pantyhose to tie her hands. There were two strange details about the crime scene no detective has been able to explain fully to this day; Martha's photo camera was found right atop of her head, and two reflective trail markers were found set equidistantly at different angles some distance from her body, with which they were arranged in a triangle. Karl and Martha's crime scenes. WARNING! GRAPHIC It's believed Karl and Martha bumped into Dámaso at the spot where Karl was killed. Karl had been shot in a downward trajectory, which led to believe that he was on his knees when Dámaso fired the shotgun -point blank-, possibly begging for his life. Dámaso likely kept Martha alive for a while longer (the assault on María Ledesma ten years earlier had lasted hours) before strangling her. Their murders prompted local authorities to take two extreme but necessary measures; a) close the access to and from the Anaga massif for everyone and b) request help from mainland Spain; Dámaso Rodríguez, "El Brujo", was now the most wanted man in the country. Closing the peninsula was essential due to a potential risk that had been forethought; the island's capital (Santa Cruz) would be celebrating its yearly carnival the following month, a large festivity that sees an attendance of at least 300,000 people every night for a fortnight. It was feared that, if Dámaso managed to exit Anaga and go down to Santa Cruz, he could've used the carnival to wear a costume and blend with the thousands of partygoers, after which he could hide anywhere else in the island or even manage to exit Tenerife altogether. It's known that, shortly after murdering Karl and Martha, Dámaso ransacked a cave-house in the area, stealing a few cans of beer and some canned food (sardines, tuna, cockles and peaches). Dámaso also stole the owner's banana machete. By this time, the press had given Dámaso a second moniker; the Beast of El Moquinal. Right: Dámaso's 'wanted' picture broadcasted at the time, taken in prison around 1990. Left: the same picture, with digitally-added beard and slightly longer hair in order to simulate how he looked like after weeks on the run through the Anaga mountains. On 29 January, after the insistence of many teachers, the Ministry of Education issued the indefinite closing of all schools in Anaga, fearing Dámaso could break into one and take children hostage. The following day, Dámaso was spotted in Bejía, not far from his in-laws' home -where his wife and daughters were staying at. He was carrying the shotgun, and it's believed he was attempting to gain access to the house (which was already guarded by police officers) to kill Mercedes, ultimately deciding against. That week Dámaso burglarized another cave-house in Camejo; this time he took a bottle of rum, some packs of cigarettes, more canned food (chickpeas, soup and beans), as well as some bacon, garlic, gofio and dried fish. 31 January. Dámaso was almost captured at a police checkpoint near El Solís, but managed to flee back into the woods. That day a local man was arrested under suspicion of covering up for and aiding Dámaso, but was later released. On 5 February one of the best anti-terrorist units from the Civil Guard (very experienced due to the regular ETA bombings and shootings) Spain was experiencing at the time) arrived in Tenerife from mainland Spain. Although these men excelled at the mountain environment of the Picos de Europa National Park (where wanted ETA terrorists would often hide), they ended up struggling in Anaga's laurissilva (which is often described as 'a Jurassic-like forest'), so the tactic soon switched from walking around looking for Dámaso to closing the access to the Anaga peninsula and siege Dámaso in there. Locals were told how to contact authorities quickly if they spotted Dámaso or if they could provide clues. They were also warned; under no circumstance should they attempt to capture Dámaso on their own, who was deemed to be extremely dangerous. The laurissilva forests of the Anaga mountains. This is the environment the 1991 manhunt was taking place in, environment Dámaso was extremely familiar with since his childhood. Between 8 and 11 February Dámaso ransacked two houses near Chinamada, some distance north of where he had been last spotted. He stole olive oil and some bottles of juice and wine, as well as a couple of blankets. On 11 February a group of local hunters showed up at a police station in La Laguna to 'offer their help in capturing El Brujo' -provided there was a bounty on him. They all were clearly intoxicated. 12 February; a Civil Guard unit found a cave near Las Carboneras where Dámaso had been hiding; inside they found a makeshift sleeping bag and evidence of a campfire. That day, Dámaso's wife Mercedes spoke at a radio station, addressing her husband (who had the transistor radio). Mercedes begged him to stop his violent spree, and leave her and their daughters alone. Dámaso never made any attempt at reaching back. He was seen from a Civil Guard helicopter that day at a mountain near Las Carboneras; he was sitting under a tree, resting. Upon realizing he had been spotted, Dámaso quickly put on his sweater, grabbed the shotgun, and leopard-crawled through the shrubs. The helicopter's crew lost sight of him shortly after. Dámaso's deathTuesday, 19 February, 1991. A neighbor from El Solís reported to authorities that the door of a tool room of his property had been forced. Rather than walking inside to check, he left quietly and communicated the finding to authorities. Eight Civil Guard officers drove to the scene immediately.Two officer, guns drawn, approached the door and called for Dámaso -who didn't answer. One of the officers was slowly walking into the room (which was in the dark) when a sudden flash of light and a loud detonation startled him, shooting his gun in reflex. Dámaso had been waiting for the officers to come in to kill them. Likely fatigued after a month on the run, he aimed too high, the lead shots hit the door's head jamb and bounced forward; one of them missed the officer's head by mere centimeters, and in fact knocked his cap off his head. The bullet fired by the officer, however, hit Dámaso's left thigh. Depiction of the gunfight. The officers ran back with the rest of the unit, while a request for backups was radioed. The other six officers opened fire at the tool room and then waited. Dámaso was told via megaphone many times to drop his weapons and surrender, never complying with nor listening to these commands until, at around 8:35 PM, a shot was heard coming from inside. Six minutes later, a second and last shot was heard, after which no activity seemed to occur inside. The officer broke inside prior launch of a smoke bomb. A mortally wounded Dámaso laid next to the door, moaning in pain. He died shortly after, aged 46. His last words were 'no puedo moverme' ('I can't move'). Sketch of the scene the officers found when they broke in. Note: 'Huerta' isn't a room; it's a small, adjacent fruit garden. Dámaso had chosen suicide over surrender. First, he had put the double barrel's muzzle in his mouth and, after placing the shotgun's butt on the floor, pulled the trigger with his big toe. However, it seems this caused the firearm to slid on the floor, and the shots caused extremely serious, yet not immediately fatal, injures to his head; half of his jawbone was blown up -found at the other end of the room. Despite the excruciating pain (and, as the autopsy would reveal, despite a couple of shots that had ended up lodged in his brain), Dámaso managed to open the shotgun's chambers, unload the empty shells, reload, close the chambers, place the muzzle on his chest, lean the weapon's butt on the wall and pull the trigger with his right hand. This shot blew his heart up, which caused his death within minutes. Depiction of Dámaso's first -and failed- suicide attempt. Depiction of Dámaso final and successful suicide attempt. AftermathDámaso's body was taken to La Laguna's University Hospital for an autopsy. The autopsy was video recorded, something rare at the time; given Dámaso's dangerousness, the officers involved in his capture requested the filming in order to dissipate any potential claims of unlawful police killing in the case.Dámaso's body being removed from the scene. The manhunt had lasted a whole month. This case led to severe criticism of the actions taken by the penal institutions, which had the ultimate say in the approval of Dámaso's leave requests. Even though he technically had fulfilled the conditions for these leaves, it surfaced that many staff members from Tenerife II had voiced their concerns about granting Dámaso these privileges, referring to the warning signs they, as staff in close contact with the inmates, had noticed. These concerns dated back to 1988, and some were left in written form via official channels. The day after Dámaso's death, Mercedes Martín was quoted by a newspaper saying; "It's bad that he's dead, but it was the best solution. My daughters are my fondest memory of him, nothing else. He paid with his death, but he deserved worse". Mercedes and their daughters attended his funeral, as well as some other relatives. Dámaso Rodríguez is buried at San Luis cemetery, in La Laguna. Newspaper headline from 20 January, 1991, featuring Mercedes' quotes on her husband. In 1994 local author Tomás Alfonso published a book with his research on Damaso's life. Titled 'Dámaso, El Brujo', the book includes personal accounts of his relatives, as well as his surviving victims. María Ledesma explained that she was still dealing with severe depression thirteen years after the attack in which her boyfriend Baldomero Rodríguez was killed and she was savagely raped. She added that she hadn't been able to sleep with the lights off ever since. There's an ongoing debate among Spanish criminologists whether El Brujo was a serial killer in addition of a spree one. Proponents of the serial killer categorization argue that the 'three murders with cool-offs between' criteria is too reductionist, while those against say that the particular circumstances of his case don't allow for a clear position. Map of the Anaga peninsula, indicating the case's relevant locations. 1: Los Batanes, where Dámaso was originally from. 2: Approximate location of the 1981 attack on Baldomero Rodríguez and María Ledesma. 3: Approximate location where Karl Flick and Martha Küpper were murdered. 4. Places with confirmed sightings/evidence of Dámaso during his run; a) El Solís, b) Bejía, c) Chinamada and d) Las Carboneras. 5: Approximate location of the tool room where Dámaso was cornered and committed suicide. Sources and Links Wikipedia (English) Gomera Actualidad Sol del Sur Tenerife El País 1 El País 2 Informe Semanal - Monte Mercedes; El Último Refugio de El Brujo. A 12-minute long news special broadcasted on 16 February, 1991, during Dámaso's run. Features interviews with locals, and even some of Dámaso's relatives (his brother and his brother-in-law). It also shows footage of the police search operations across Anaga mountains. Local teachers and German tourists are interviewed as well. |
2024.06.10 17:59 Double-Rip-3348 Feeling like I’m stuck in a hole and can’t get out.
Hello, I’m 20 about to turn 21 and looking for some advice for feeling stuck in life.
For some backstory, I tried college for a year and hated it. I thought dropping out would fix everything, it did for a while but my depressed feelings began to come back. I don’t think I suffer from depression, atleast not the actual medical definition and more so a lack of motivation than depression.
On the outside everything seems fine, I’m doing an electrical apprenticeship that I like, own my own car and about to get a licence, still have my best friends since Junior Infants and other friends too, I go out most weekends etc. But I can’t escape the feeling that I’m in an eternal loop, like I’m in an utter halt right now.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful etc, but I don’t really do anything for myself. When I get home at 6 pm I just get into bed and watch movies all week, including Friday’s. Saturday I might fish or something but it always ends in the pub or having drinks at my friends houses. It’s like a neverending loop, I do nothing new. Even though my work life etc is progressing I feel like my personal life is completely dead in the water. I have friends like I said, but it’s been a long time since I’ve made a new best friend, probably years and I’m thinking it’s got to do with how little I get out there, I really don’t do much anymore at all.
Any advice on how to get out of a hole like this? Any good habits to get into so I can begin to try other stuff, I’ve tried before but I never know where to start and that’s the end of it. I enjoy sports etc but always seem to lack the motivation or courage to start again after I quit a couple years ago.
I heard a great quote, “All a rut is, is a grave with 2 legs sticking out”. It pretty much sums up my feelings right now about life, I feel like a dead man walking.
Thanks for reading.
submitted by Double-Rip-3348 to CasualIreland [link] [comments]
For some backstory, I tried college for a year and hated it. I thought dropping out would fix everything, it did for a while but my depressed feelings began to come back. I don’t think I suffer from depression, atleast not the actual medical definition and more so a lack of motivation than depression.
On the outside everything seems fine, I’m doing an electrical apprenticeship that I like, own my own car and about to get a licence, still have my best friends since Junior Infants and other friends too, I go out most weekends etc. But I can’t escape the feeling that I’m in an eternal loop, like I’m in an utter halt right now.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful etc, but I don’t really do anything for myself. When I get home at 6 pm I just get into bed and watch movies all week, including Friday’s. Saturday I might fish or something but it always ends in the pub or having drinks at my friends houses. It’s like a neverending loop, I do nothing new. Even though my work life etc is progressing I feel like my personal life is completely dead in the water. I have friends like I said, but it’s been a long time since I’ve made a new best friend, probably years and I’m thinking it’s got to do with how little I get out there, I really don’t do much anymore at all.
Any advice on how to get out of a hole like this? Any good habits to get into so I can begin to try other stuff, I’ve tried before but I never know where to start and that’s the end of it. I enjoy sports etc but always seem to lack the motivation or courage to start again after I quit a couple years ago.
I heard a great quote, “All a rut is, is a grave with 2 legs sticking out”. It pretty much sums up my feelings right now about life, I feel like a dead man walking.
Thanks for reading.
2024.06.10 16:42 ThanksGosling I thought something was finally going somewhere with this guy. What happened?!
So a month ago I decided after being laid off I would take a trip to the UK. A few weeks before arriving, I posted in a fb group for a music festival I was going to asking if I could tag along with a group and I was added to a group chat. Long story short they all turned out awesome and I was even included in a group AirBnB for the festival.
A day before I arrived one of the guys in the chat asked if he could tag along to a restaurant that I was going to. We had a really good night and even though it was completely platonic, I had the best night ever and felt some chemistry between us, which was confusing as I wasn’t physically attracted to him.
The next day I traveled to another country and we talked every day. The texting eventually turned flirty and we ended up hanging out when I returned and hooked up that night. He was the kindest, most emotionally intelligent, patient and supportive man I had ever met. Normally I’m incredibly wary of men and am a closed book, but I just felt so safe with him and he verbally reiterated that I was out of the blue. It was weird.
The next night he came along to a musical and we had the best time. He then suggested on my final night in that city we hang out one last time, but was aware we had seen each oher a lot. But since I was on a time crunch, I said we may as well see each other as much as we could since I was leaving and he agreed. That night whilst hanging out I admitted I had been thinking of moving over as I qualified for a working visa. He said if I moved, then he would transfer to the office in that city. I was elated. I had FINALLY found a man who wasn’t afraid to show interest, was honest and kind. I am a really chatty person and he made me feel really valued and told me how much he liked my chattiness (which I’ve always been self conscious of).
A day before the festival we found out our Airbnb had fallen through and so he booked a hotel for us and refused to let me pay. I was shocked as I was so used to low effort men And he was the one solving the issue and not me. I was originally meant to go on to another country at this stage, but he kept hinting at me staying up north for a bit and so I suggested flipping my trip so I could stay with him for a few days and then going on to another country. He was super excited and said he would take me to some cool places if I did.
The day he drove home from the festival and the 2 days following I barely heard from him. I started to get anxious and the night before he was meant to pick me up I asked what the plan was and if he was still picking me up. He said, “why would you think I wasn’t coming to get you?” And I explained that he hadn’t confirmed anything so I thought it might not be happening anymore and he apologized and put a plan together.
The next day we drove out to the countryside and he was acting cold and distant. I asked what was wrong and he kept denying anything and then said that this is his authentic depressed self and how he really is. He also explained how he was stressed about a lot of stuff including that I was leaving and he might never see me again. We then had a bigger convo about life and I mentioned how meeting him was a tiny factor of why I was considering moving and he freaked out saying that was too much pressure. I reminded him that he said he would move to the city I was going to if I did and he said it’s different for him since it’s not so far.
Things went back to normal and then once again he returned to his cold self. In the weeks prior he was so kind and would explain things about his country really politely. In this mode he would scoff at me if I didn’t understand something, had a sarcastic undertone to everything and seemed embarrassed when I was my usual vibrant self in public. I got the vibe he was sick of me, so I started packing my stuff and asked him if he wanted me to go into the city a night early for my next flight and he said no and got the vibe that’s what I wanted I said absolutely not and I THOUGHT we cleared the air as we both admitted we had abandonment issues and after that everything was great.
Then, just like after the festival, I didn’t hear from him when I left. I was really upset and beating myself up for being too much/too anxious. He had told me early on how much he appreciated my honesty and is also an anxious person and would never be deterred by that, but it felt like I had ruined it by being too honest and open so soon.
I finally said something 2 days on and he apologized profusely and said I never did anything wrong and it was his depression getting in the way again and how much he liked me. But, like clockwork, the next day his sarcastic, snarky messages started again. It almost felt like in some way he genuinely resented me for either being a happy person or because he hated himself so much that it annoyed him that I saw good in him.
I made a silly joke about a group of men smiling at me and he replied, “why do you think that would ever be something appropriate to say to me?” And I apologized and reiterated that I would never engage them since I just left him and asked why he would think I would actually do that and he said, “lol relax. I don’t think about it because it’s none of my business”. I responded, “alright” and aside from him messaging our group chat to talk to others or ‘like’ some of my messages, I haven’t heard from him directly at all.
I just don’t know how I got this situation so wrong. His actions matched his words and he just seemed to flip from hot to cold so quickly. I’m especially disappointed in myself as I was so secure at the start of this trip and now I’m going home an anxious wreck.
TL;DR I met a man on my trip who I thought was different to my usual, but he turned out to be the same.
submitted by ThanksGosling to dating [link] [comments]
A day before I arrived one of the guys in the chat asked if he could tag along to a restaurant that I was going to. We had a really good night and even though it was completely platonic, I had the best night ever and felt some chemistry between us, which was confusing as I wasn’t physically attracted to him.
The next day I traveled to another country and we talked every day. The texting eventually turned flirty and we ended up hanging out when I returned and hooked up that night. He was the kindest, most emotionally intelligent, patient and supportive man I had ever met. Normally I’m incredibly wary of men and am a closed book, but I just felt so safe with him and he verbally reiterated that I was out of the blue. It was weird.
The next night he came along to a musical and we had the best time. He then suggested on my final night in that city we hang out one last time, but was aware we had seen each oher a lot. But since I was on a time crunch, I said we may as well see each other as much as we could since I was leaving and he agreed. That night whilst hanging out I admitted I had been thinking of moving over as I qualified for a working visa. He said if I moved, then he would transfer to the office in that city. I was elated. I had FINALLY found a man who wasn’t afraid to show interest, was honest and kind. I am a really chatty person and he made me feel really valued and told me how much he liked my chattiness (which I’ve always been self conscious of).
A day before the festival we found out our Airbnb had fallen through and so he booked a hotel for us and refused to let me pay. I was shocked as I was so used to low effort men And he was the one solving the issue and not me. I was originally meant to go on to another country at this stage, but he kept hinting at me staying up north for a bit and so I suggested flipping my trip so I could stay with him for a few days and then going on to another country. He was super excited and said he would take me to some cool places if I did.
The day he drove home from the festival and the 2 days following I barely heard from him. I started to get anxious and the night before he was meant to pick me up I asked what the plan was and if he was still picking me up. He said, “why would you think I wasn’t coming to get you?” And I explained that he hadn’t confirmed anything so I thought it might not be happening anymore and he apologized and put a plan together.
The next day we drove out to the countryside and he was acting cold and distant. I asked what was wrong and he kept denying anything and then said that this is his authentic depressed self and how he really is. He also explained how he was stressed about a lot of stuff including that I was leaving and he might never see me again. We then had a bigger convo about life and I mentioned how meeting him was a tiny factor of why I was considering moving and he freaked out saying that was too much pressure. I reminded him that he said he would move to the city I was going to if I did and he said it’s different for him since it’s not so far.
Things went back to normal and then once again he returned to his cold self. In the weeks prior he was so kind and would explain things about his country really politely. In this mode he would scoff at me if I didn’t understand something, had a sarcastic undertone to everything and seemed embarrassed when I was my usual vibrant self in public. I got the vibe he was sick of me, so I started packing my stuff and asked him if he wanted me to go into the city a night early for my next flight and he said no and got the vibe that’s what I wanted I said absolutely not and I THOUGHT we cleared the air as we both admitted we had abandonment issues and after that everything was great.
Then, just like after the festival, I didn’t hear from him when I left. I was really upset and beating myself up for being too much/too anxious. He had told me early on how much he appreciated my honesty and is also an anxious person and would never be deterred by that, but it felt like I had ruined it by being too honest and open so soon.
I finally said something 2 days on and he apologized profusely and said I never did anything wrong and it was his depression getting in the way again and how much he liked me. But, like clockwork, the next day his sarcastic, snarky messages started again. It almost felt like in some way he genuinely resented me for either being a happy person or because he hated himself so much that it annoyed him that I saw good in him.
I made a silly joke about a group of men smiling at me and he replied, “why do you think that would ever be something appropriate to say to me?” And I apologized and reiterated that I would never engage them since I just left him and asked why he would think I would actually do that and he said, “lol relax. I don’t think about it because it’s none of my business”. I responded, “alright” and aside from him messaging our group chat to talk to others or ‘like’ some of my messages, I haven’t heard from him directly at all.
I just don’t know how I got this situation so wrong. His actions matched his words and he just seemed to flip from hot to cold so quickly. I’m especially disappointed in myself as I was so secure at the start of this trip and now I’m going home an anxious wreck.
TL;DR I met a man on my trip who I thought was different to my usual, but he turned out to be the same.
2024.06.10 15:45 deathbysnusnu I ended a 6 year streak, and I feel fantastic
This will sound heretical brothers but I think it's important that I share my truth.
6 years, or 2200 days of unbroken retention has ended, and I feel much better for it.
After months of careful reflection about whether it was truly serving me, I decided that it was not, and that I needed a reset. So I did the deed, and my whole system feels greatly soothed. This isn't to say I no longer believe in this practice, it's just that I've discovered that psychologically I am not ready for it.
For example, my mental state over the last 5 years has been mostly not good.
Usually I never feel tired at night and just go to bed when I know I should, lying there feeling very alert until sleep finally comes. However last night I felt pleasantly tired before my regular bed time, and it felt so nice to snuggle under the covers and quickly fall asleep, in a very enjoyably child like way.
Usually in my day to day life I have had a constant background level of anxiety, and struggle to really truly feel happy or be able to laugh, or concentrate on any tasks, but today I woke up in a fantastic mood and feel very happy, similar to how I feel the day after ketamine therapy, and my concentration levels are so improved it feels similar to a low dose of vyvanse.
Usually I cannot focus on anything, and struggle to find joy in any of my creative hobbies that I used to enjoy many years ago, but last night after releasing I found myself in the flow playing the piano for over an hour in a musical reverie.
Imagine the relief after 4-5 years of flatline, battling depression, anxiety and anhedonia in a never ending melee, while clutching onto a self-denying vow of retention with absolute ferocious death-grip intensity. I had made it into a huge part of my self-concept and self-worth as a human being, and now for a time I'm letting it all go.
Music sounds good again, silly things people say on the internet are making me laugh, and I'm generally just really enjoying being alive. It feels wonderful!
* So why these positive results?
As this is completely antithetical to all that is taken as gospel in this sub, and believe me I was ready to retain until the bitter end if that's what I believed was right.
During these 6 years I learned a lot about myself, with the most significant thing being that I have trauma. About 6 months ago I found a practice called Trauma Releasing Exercises which promises to be able to slowly release and heal trauma over several years. It quickly proved to be very effective for me, and reading more on the subreddit I came across this post which resonated deeply with my own experience with SR. I'll quote the most poignant paragraph for your convenience:
When I began this journey back in 2018 I had many wonderful benefits, but they stopped after about 6 months or so, and I've always wondered why. This is why! And if you're encountering long flatlines maybe you have underlying trauma too.
In terms of attempting to transmute the energy, I spent 2 years during this time living in Buddhist monasteries and meditation centres, and accumulated thousands of hours of meditation, and still I was not at peace.
Writing this now I can truly say I feel so much more peaceful and content than I have in a long long time, my nervous system is so much more relaxed, and this is what I've been looking for all along. Like a spring being wound up and then released, maybe the benefits I'm finally feeling now are actually born of these last six years. I'm not sure, time will tell.
So I'm not giving up brothers, I'm just taking a much needed rest.
I'll be back on with a new vow of retention when I feel I'm ready.
Sometimes maybe backwards is actually forwards.
TLDR: If you have trauma then the extra SR energy chokes up in your body and manifests as negative states, which for me was endless anxiety, depression and anhedonia. Heal the trauma first, then practice SR.
submitted by deathbysnusnu to Semenretention [link] [comments]
6 years, or 2200 days of unbroken retention has ended, and I feel much better for it.
After months of careful reflection about whether it was truly serving me, I decided that it was not, and that I needed a reset. So I did the deed, and my whole system feels greatly soothed. This isn't to say I no longer believe in this practice, it's just that I've discovered that psychologically I am not ready for it.
For example, my mental state over the last 5 years has been mostly not good.
Usually I never feel tired at night and just go to bed when I know I should, lying there feeling very alert until sleep finally comes. However last night I felt pleasantly tired before my regular bed time, and it felt so nice to snuggle under the covers and quickly fall asleep, in a very enjoyably child like way.
Usually in my day to day life I have had a constant background level of anxiety, and struggle to really truly feel happy or be able to laugh, or concentrate on any tasks, but today I woke up in a fantastic mood and feel very happy, similar to how I feel the day after ketamine therapy, and my concentration levels are so improved it feels similar to a low dose of vyvanse.
Usually I cannot focus on anything, and struggle to find joy in any of my creative hobbies that I used to enjoy many years ago, but last night after releasing I found myself in the flow playing the piano for over an hour in a musical reverie.
Imagine the relief after 4-5 years of flatline, battling depression, anxiety and anhedonia in a never ending melee, while clutching onto a self-denying vow of retention with absolute ferocious death-grip intensity. I had made it into a huge part of my self-concept and self-worth as a human being, and now for a time I'm letting it all go.
Music sounds good again, silly things people say on the internet are making me laugh, and I'm generally just really enjoying being alive. It feels wonderful!
* So why these positive results?
As this is completely antithetical to all that is taken as gospel in this sub, and believe me I was ready to retain until the bitter end if that's what I believed was right.
During these 6 years I learned a lot about myself, with the most significant thing being that I have trauma. About 6 months ago I found a practice called Trauma Releasing Exercises which promises to be able to slowly release and heal trauma over several years. It quickly proved to be very effective for me, and reading more on the subreddit I came across this post which resonated deeply with my own experience with SR. I'll quote the most poignant paragraph for your convenience:
The truth is that SR brings up trauma to the surface from the unconscious where it manifests as muscular and mental tension. This kind of tension acts as energetic blockages in the nervous system. You can imagine SR like opening a spring inside your pelvic floor. A spring of sexual energy that starts welling up, since there is no longer a physical outlet for that energy. But due to all the blockages in the body there will soon be no place for the energy to go and the pressure (tension) starts to rise. Soon you will be like a walking pressure cooker ready to burst at any time. If there is still no release the body starts to shut down energetically to protect itself and tries to release the energy through wet dreams.The author continues by explaining that one needs to heal their trauma first before being able to harness all the extra energy from retaining and really gain the benefits. My experience matches this explanation perfectly. This is why letting off steam has truly been excellent for me, and why for now it is not in my best interests to retain.
When I began this journey back in 2018 I had many wonderful benefits, but they stopped after about 6 months or so, and I've always wondered why. This is why! And if you're encountering long flatlines maybe you have underlying trauma too.
In terms of attempting to transmute the energy, I spent 2 years during this time living in Buddhist monasteries and meditation centres, and accumulated thousands of hours of meditation, and still I was not at peace.
Writing this now I can truly say I feel so much more peaceful and content than I have in a long long time, my nervous system is so much more relaxed, and this is what I've been looking for all along. Like a spring being wound up and then released, maybe the benefits I'm finally feeling now are actually born of these last six years. I'm not sure, time will tell.
So I'm not giving up brothers, I'm just taking a much needed rest.
I'll be back on with a new vow of retention when I feel I'm ready.
Sometimes maybe backwards is actually forwards.
TLDR: If you have trauma then the extra SR energy chokes up in your body and manifests as negative states, which for me was endless anxiety, depression and anhedonia. Heal the trauma first, then practice SR.
2024.06.10 15:09 monkaSman What is the mental health symbol tattoo? 13 tattoos that powerfully represent people's mental health journeys?
This story may be triggering to those who have experienced sexual violence, self-harm, suicidal ideation, or attempted suicide.
Healing and therapy can come in many forms. For some, body art can be a way to mark steps along a mental health journey and serve as a reminder of inner strength along the way.
Ahead, 13 people who have gotten tattoos relevant to their own mental health journeys share the stories behind their art, what the words or images symbolize, and how their tattoos help them carry on along the road ahead.
Flora and faunaEva Acuna Olivas says that her inner forearm flora and fauna tattoo was a gift.
The artist Chase Fielder etched it as part of an ongoing project in which artists offer free tattoo sessions to cover self-harm scars.
"I'm big on focusing on the beauty of things, even difficult or painful experiences, so I wanted flowers and plants to lay across the part of my body that had seen a great amount of pain," Olivas says.
"The flowers remind me of my ability to blossom from every experience and hardship that I am met with," she says.
Olivas also has tattoos of koi located on her forearm. Symbolically associated with strength and perseverance, the koi evoke joyful childhood memories of visiting the koi pond at the local park with her mother.
"When I look at these pieces, I'm reminded of my strength and beauty that has been present with me through all of life's turbulent experiences," she says.
If the ocean can calm itself, so can you
The words in Caitlin Migliaccio's tattoo derive from a Nayyirah Waheed poem, which she calls "a constant back-of-mind thought whenever I was getting particularly anxious."
The tattoo also includes the image of a ship navigating the wild curls atop a woman's head, a visual that popped into her mind whenever she thought of the phrase.
"To me, it means that nothing is insurmountable and I can weather the storm of even the big things."
Unbreakable gem
After a brutal breakup, Lynette Pettinicchi got this tattoo as a reminder of her ability to carry on, even when challenges seem insurmountable.
"It's facing the wrong way so I can look down — whether I'm having a hard time with life or even during a marathon — and remember that I'm an unbreakable badass who has a long, fun life ahead and to keep moving forward," she says.
Be Grateful for Today
The person who wears this tattoo, who asked to remain anonymous, says that she battled depression and anxiety for most of her teenage and adult life, making a series of "bad decisions" and enacting "reckless" behaviors while many others in her sphere were suffering from opioid addiction.
She got a tattoo around her foot that says "be grateful for today," the phrase flanked by angel wings. "It was a dark time," she says. "I decided I wanted to be different – shift my mindset to a grateful one. And so I got a tattoo that reminds me every day [to be grateful]. It comforted me. It helped me keep going. It helped remind me that every single day is a gift."
Semicolons
Many people choose to represent their mental health journeys with a semicolon tattoo; the semicolon serves as a symbol of mental health awareness as well as suicide prevention.
Casey Goldstein: "I was ashamed and felt guilty — I had a good life, what should I have been depressed about," Casey Goldstein says of her struggle with depression. "Turns out the chemicals in my brain didn't care about how 'good' things were."
But with medication, she found relief. "About a year after I started the meds, I got a semicolon tattooed on the inside of my pointer finger as a reminder to myself and others to never feel shame or silenced about their mental health issues."
Lindsey Wilderotter: Wilderotter got her semicolon tattoo decorated with a motif of the sun and the moon. "While it reminds me of the dark times that I have been through in my life, it also in turn shows me that there is light that follows it," she says.
"That was my biggest inspiration for this tattoo — a constant reminder that light does follow darkness and no matter how dark things may seem, the sun will rise the next morning."
Lisa Sass: Depression runs in Lisa Sass' family; her uncle died by suicide when she was 8 years old. She was 13 when she began cutting herself and 20 and 21 when she attempted suicide.
"I'm doing a lot better now, having gone to therapy over the years and surrounded myself with a healthy, loving support system," she says. Her semicolon tattoo with flowers is "a reminder that life doesn't have to stop for one bad thing. It's a moment — recognize it, but life can and does continue."
She also says the tattoo is a reminder for her family: she hopes it encourages her family to keep going and that she is here to support them.
Moths
Krista Hamelin has struggled with her mental health for most of her life, she says, and she has experienced moments where she has "spiraled down to some pretty dark places. Depression and anxiety can really get the best of you sometimes."
To that end, she has a moth tattooed on her sternum with a crescent moon just above it. While some people are turned off by the insect, she sees it as a powerful symbol.
"They only come out at night and are drawn to the moonlight… The tattoo is a reminder that no matter how dark things get or how dark your thoughts are, to always follow the light."
Further, since moths go through metamorphosis, "they also symbolize change and transformation," she says. "It's a reminder that sometimes going through tough times is necessary for your growth and to become who you are meant to be."
One day, one step
Daniel "Bokey" Castillo's tattoo translates to "one day one step" — or in other words, one step at a time.
"I went through high anxiety levels in the past and couldn't figure out a way to overcome it," he says, "The tattoo is a reminder that no matter how difficult or overwhelming things may get, you can conquer anything by taking it one step at a time."
Calming lavender
Lindsay Bell has two tattoos relating to her mental health journey: one is a linework of a lavender plant, and the other a quote that nods to overcoming self doubt.
"As someone with OCD, I obsessively think of the worst possible outcome in lots of situations and have to remind myself to also think of the good that can come out of a situation," she says.
"That quote is my take on reminding myself. The lavender plant is my reminder to breathe, because lavender essential oils are often used to help calm you down and relax. This way, I always have it on me."
You belong among
Natalie Bickel's arm tattoo includes the words "you belong among," lyrics from Tom Petty's song, Wildflowers.
"So many times I've battled with self-confidence and self-worth," she says. "This tattoo reminds me that I belong among those in whatever room I walk into. I'm allowed to take up space and do so with purpose."
Infinite strength
Samantha Crunkilton says that her arm tattoo represents infinite strength. As a survivor of a rape, she got the tattoo as "a reminder that I can overcome any challenges presented in my life," she says. "I made the decision to show strength and resilience every day rather than letting what happened to me consume and destroy my life."
Since then, she's faced many challenges and hurdles. "Having this reminder that I can and will have infinite strength to overcome anything thrown my way has been a great [resource] for me," she says.
Inhale, exhale
Emily Roethle's forearm tattoo reads "inhale exhale," a gentle reminder to breathe. "I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and growing up, I dealt with frequent panic attacks," she says. "As a kid, it was very confusing."
She remembers how her father used to comfort her and calm her down from the physical symptoms by telling her to inhale and exhale while saying "relax" in her head. "It was the trick that continually helped bring me back to center," she says. "And this tattoo is a reminder to breathe and take a step back when things feel overwhelming."
submitted by monkaSman to MensWellbeing [link] [comments]
Healing and therapy can come in many forms. For some, body art can be a way to mark steps along a mental health journey and serve as a reminder of inner strength along the way.
Ahead, 13 people who have gotten tattoos relevant to their own mental health journeys share the stories behind their art, what the words or images symbolize, and how their tattoos help them carry on along the road ahead.
Flora and faunaEva Acuna Olivas says that her inner forearm flora and fauna tattoo was a gift.
The artist Chase Fielder etched it as part of an ongoing project in which artists offer free tattoo sessions to cover self-harm scars.
"I'm big on focusing on the beauty of things, even difficult or painful experiences, so I wanted flowers and plants to lay across the part of my body that had seen a great amount of pain," Olivas says.
"The flowers remind me of my ability to blossom from every experience and hardship that I am met with," she says.
Olivas also has tattoos of koi located on her forearm. Symbolically associated with strength and perseverance, the koi evoke joyful childhood memories of visiting the koi pond at the local park with her mother.
"When I look at these pieces, I'm reminded of my strength and beauty that has been present with me through all of life's turbulent experiences," she says.
If the ocean can calm itself, so can you
The words in Caitlin Migliaccio's tattoo derive from a Nayyirah Waheed poem, which she calls "a constant back-of-mind thought whenever I was getting particularly anxious."
The tattoo also includes the image of a ship navigating the wild curls atop a woman's head, a visual that popped into her mind whenever she thought of the phrase.
"To me, it means that nothing is insurmountable and I can weather the storm of even the big things."
Unbreakable gem
After a brutal breakup, Lynette Pettinicchi got this tattoo as a reminder of her ability to carry on, even when challenges seem insurmountable.
"It's facing the wrong way so I can look down — whether I'm having a hard time with life or even during a marathon — and remember that I'm an unbreakable badass who has a long, fun life ahead and to keep moving forward," she says.
Be Grateful for Today
The person who wears this tattoo, who asked to remain anonymous, says that she battled depression and anxiety for most of her teenage and adult life, making a series of "bad decisions" and enacting "reckless" behaviors while many others in her sphere were suffering from opioid addiction.
She got a tattoo around her foot that says "be grateful for today," the phrase flanked by angel wings. "It was a dark time," she says. "I decided I wanted to be different – shift my mindset to a grateful one. And so I got a tattoo that reminds me every day [to be grateful]. It comforted me. It helped me keep going. It helped remind me that every single day is a gift."
Semicolons
Many people choose to represent their mental health journeys with a semicolon tattoo; the semicolon serves as a symbol of mental health awareness as well as suicide prevention.
Casey Goldstein: "I was ashamed and felt guilty — I had a good life, what should I have been depressed about," Casey Goldstein says of her struggle with depression. "Turns out the chemicals in my brain didn't care about how 'good' things were."
But with medication, she found relief. "About a year after I started the meds, I got a semicolon tattooed on the inside of my pointer finger as a reminder to myself and others to never feel shame or silenced about their mental health issues."
Lindsey Wilderotter: Wilderotter got her semicolon tattoo decorated with a motif of the sun and the moon. "While it reminds me of the dark times that I have been through in my life, it also in turn shows me that there is light that follows it," she says.
"That was my biggest inspiration for this tattoo — a constant reminder that light does follow darkness and no matter how dark things may seem, the sun will rise the next morning."
Lisa Sass: Depression runs in Lisa Sass' family; her uncle died by suicide when she was 8 years old. She was 13 when she began cutting herself and 20 and 21 when she attempted suicide.
"I'm doing a lot better now, having gone to therapy over the years and surrounded myself with a healthy, loving support system," she says. Her semicolon tattoo with flowers is "a reminder that life doesn't have to stop for one bad thing. It's a moment — recognize it, but life can and does continue."
She also says the tattoo is a reminder for her family: she hopes it encourages her family to keep going and that she is here to support them.
Moths
Krista Hamelin has struggled with her mental health for most of her life, she says, and she has experienced moments where she has "spiraled down to some pretty dark places. Depression and anxiety can really get the best of you sometimes."
To that end, she has a moth tattooed on her sternum with a crescent moon just above it. While some people are turned off by the insect, she sees it as a powerful symbol.
"They only come out at night and are drawn to the moonlight… The tattoo is a reminder that no matter how dark things get or how dark your thoughts are, to always follow the light."
Further, since moths go through metamorphosis, "they also symbolize change and transformation," she says. "It's a reminder that sometimes going through tough times is necessary for your growth and to become who you are meant to be."
One day, one step
Daniel "Bokey" Castillo's tattoo translates to "one day one step" — or in other words, one step at a time.
"I went through high anxiety levels in the past and couldn't figure out a way to overcome it," he says, "The tattoo is a reminder that no matter how difficult or overwhelming things may get, you can conquer anything by taking it one step at a time."
Calming lavender
Lindsay Bell has two tattoos relating to her mental health journey: one is a linework of a lavender plant, and the other a quote that nods to overcoming self doubt.
"As someone with OCD, I obsessively think of the worst possible outcome in lots of situations and have to remind myself to also think of the good that can come out of a situation," she says.
"That quote is my take on reminding myself. The lavender plant is my reminder to breathe, because lavender essential oils are often used to help calm you down and relax. This way, I always have it on me."
You belong among
Natalie Bickel's arm tattoo includes the words "you belong among," lyrics from Tom Petty's song, Wildflowers.
"So many times I've battled with self-confidence and self-worth," she says. "This tattoo reminds me that I belong among those in whatever room I walk into. I'm allowed to take up space and do so with purpose."
Infinite strength
Samantha Crunkilton says that her arm tattoo represents infinite strength. As a survivor of a rape, she got the tattoo as "a reminder that I can overcome any challenges presented in my life," she says. "I made the decision to show strength and resilience every day rather than letting what happened to me consume and destroy my life."
Since then, she's faced many challenges and hurdles. "Having this reminder that I can and will have infinite strength to overcome anything thrown my way has been a great [resource] for me," she says.
Inhale, exhale
Emily Roethle's forearm tattoo reads "inhale exhale," a gentle reminder to breathe. "I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and growing up, I dealt with frequent panic attacks," she says. "As a kid, it was very confusing."
She remembers how her father used to comfort her and calm her down from the physical symptoms by telling her to inhale and exhale while saying "relax" in her head. "It was the trick that continually helped bring me back to center," she says. "And this tattoo is a reminder to breathe and take a step back when things feel overwhelming."
2024.06.10 13:52 SupeerChicken Sexual repression/coming out/ unexpected sides effects
Hi,
This is a heavy and desorganized one.
First i'm gonna quote some signs of sexual repression I found on other posts :
''Hated any PDA with men, felt really gross when they touched me in a romantic or sexual way
I tended to hide my relationships with men from my friends and peers - I didn't want anyone to know we were together and if people found out I'd freak out and dump them -> so true
ignoring the empty feeling I felt in every relationship I ever had with a man
never letting myself stay single long enough to figure out who I really am -> true
I felt intense rivalry and envy towards other women, a lot of internalised misogyny'' -> really true
And also : -> I dated really unconventionally looking men. Really not considered attractive by most girls, but they played video games like me, they loved SF and were extremly funny. -> Nausea and inconfort after sex -> Not touching ''that things''
But now i'm super horny all the time, I could eat my girlfriend all night if she asked me to. But when I sleep with my gf, I still have some issues. I'm always worried to make her do something she doesnt like or feel confortable with, i'm always scared to initiate sex because I was some many times coercing myself to do it ,that I can't handle the possibility to do it to someone else. And she is the same so we communicate a lot, and take our time.
And I still feel some shame around sex, I've been rejected quite a lot when I was younger by women (friends who are super ambigous, or need an ego boost when dump by a guy), I know I have accumulate a lot of shame around loving woman (just typing these words made my heart crush). And sometimes I feel so uncomfortable in my new relationship (time to adjust?) , I feel ashame to love another woman, to be with her like a man is with a woman. And my anxiety picks when we are in public. We talked about PDA and we are quite the same, even though sometimes we let it go and get a little tactile.
I've never been so scared in my life. I feel like dating guys was really safe, (first date, second, third, couple, meet friends, go on holidays, meet family, i've done it too many times to count)
But in this relationship, I see how broken I am, as if I woke up and see things like they really are. Everything feels so real. When we are together, i'm happy, scared, good, inconfortable, ashamed, proud... So so weird.
I dont know if being more authentic,maybe deconstructed my ego a little, and subconsciously I felt like I can handle it, I mean ''reality''.
But I think it's overall a good thing, as people are telling me that i'm more focus, and good in my activities, as I am naturally more focused and in what i'm doing. I feel like I am more in the moment. And I feel ready to start again driving lessons (i'm 33F, no driving licence, I did 40 hours of lessons..... But never even got close to the exam, unfocused, worried to hurt someone....)
Complementary information : I have ocd ( I can change 50 times outfit, because I worry a lot about the weather, and I need to have the right clothes for the day, if I dont find it, I will give up and stay at home, i have a lot of obsessive thoughts about health (Multiple sclerosis) and compulsion (checking), a lot of rituals, it's really a burden on a daily basis, and i'm doing behavioural therapy about it), I have body dismorphia, I was bulimic from 12 to 29, Big depressive episode, massive anxiety etc.... I've downplayed a lot the effect of ocd in my life, a lot of denial.
It's maybe too specific but anyone has experience something remotely close ?
submitted by SupeerChicken to latebloomerlesbians [link] [comments]
This is a heavy and desorganized one.
First i'm gonna quote some signs of sexual repression I found on other posts :
''Hated any PDA with men, felt really gross when they touched me in a romantic or sexual way
I tended to hide my relationships with men from my friends and peers - I didn't want anyone to know we were together and if people found out I'd freak out and dump them -> so true
ignoring the empty feeling I felt in every relationship I ever had with a man
never letting myself stay single long enough to figure out who I really am -> true
I felt intense rivalry and envy towards other women, a lot of internalised misogyny'' -> really true
And also : -> I dated really unconventionally looking men. Really not considered attractive by most girls, but they played video games like me, they loved SF and were extremly funny. -> Nausea and inconfort after sex -> Not touching ''that things''
But now i'm super horny all the time, I could eat my girlfriend all night if she asked me to. But when I sleep with my gf, I still have some issues. I'm always worried to make her do something she doesnt like or feel confortable with, i'm always scared to initiate sex because I was some many times coercing myself to do it ,that I can't handle the possibility to do it to someone else. And she is the same so we communicate a lot, and take our time.
And I still feel some shame around sex, I've been rejected quite a lot when I was younger by women (friends who are super ambigous, or need an ego boost when dump by a guy), I know I have accumulate a lot of shame around loving woman (just typing these words made my heart crush). And sometimes I feel so uncomfortable in my new relationship (time to adjust?) , I feel ashame to love another woman, to be with her like a man is with a woman. And my anxiety picks when we are in public. We talked about PDA and we are quite the same, even though sometimes we let it go and get a little tactile.
I've never been so scared in my life. I feel like dating guys was really safe, (first date, second, third, couple, meet friends, go on holidays, meet family, i've done it too many times to count)
But in this relationship, I see how broken I am, as if I woke up and see things like they really are. Everything feels so real. When we are together, i'm happy, scared, good, inconfortable, ashamed, proud... So so weird.
I dont know if being more authentic,maybe deconstructed my ego a little, and subconsciously I felt like I can handle it, I mean ''reality''.
But I think it's overall a good thing, as people are telling me that i'm more focus, and good in my activities, as I am naturally more focused and in what i'm doing. I feel like I am more in the moment. And I feel ready to start again driving lessons (i'm 33F, no driving licence, I did 40 hours of lessons..... But never even got close to the exam, unfocused, worried to hurt someone....)
Complementary information : I have ocd ( I can change 50 times outfit, because I worry a lot about the weather, and I need to have the right clothes for the day, if I dont find it, I will give up and stay at home, i have a lot of obsessive thoughts about health (Multiple sclerosis) and compulsion (checking), a lot of rituals, it's really a burden on a daily basis, and i'm doing behavioural therapy about it), I have body dismorphia, I was bulimic from 12 to 29, Big depressive episode, massive anxiety etc.... I've downplayed a lot the effect of ocd in my life, a lot of denial.
It's maybe too specific but anyone has experience something remotely close ?
2024.06.10 12:38 ZeUnoroginalUserName Q n A, cuz why not :`
 | I'm bored. submitted by ZeUnoroginalUserName to PoppyPlaytime [link] [comments] Any questions can be asked, and their info is just below this. It's not the full info because i'm don't feel like typing as essay right now ,:` Everything here is Undertale-like, but with a bit of my take in making the AU. CatNap and DogDay - "Determination ❤️" Hoppy Hopscotch - "Bravery 🧡" KickinChicken - "Justice 💛" PickyPiggy - "Kindness 💚" Bobby BearHug - "Integrity 💙" CraftyCorn - "Patience 💙"(frick, no light color) Bubba Bubbaphant - "Perseverance 💜" (White glows means they're 'dead' btw. And what that means is that their "soul" isn't purely replaced) (CatNap) Your typical genocide soul. He's quite sarcastic and mean sometimes, especially to DogDay when he's doing something wrong, though he still cares for him. He doesn't know who the Prototype is, if he was even real... (DogDay) Your timid, pacifist soul. He's quite good at being a leader, but since he's all alone he doesn't know what to do, he's quite lost when he has no one to talk with... (Hoppy Hopscotch) Your average, fighter-styled, bravery soul. She's quite sassy and brags about herself about anything when it comes to talking smack about someone. She dislikes how KickinChicken's always so cocky and has a big ego JUST to prove someone wrong, atleast she doesn't take her mocking o the next level. (KickinChicken) Your mediocre, cowboy-like, justice soul. He's quite cocky and has quite an ego whenever he wants to prove someone wrong. He dislikes Hoppy Hopscotch's brags about herself, really wanting to just shoot her with his gun, if it was real one and not a toy one ofcourse... (PickyPiggy) Your local, chef-dressed, kindness soul. She's quite funny and entertaining to be around. She never really fights, and the only time she does is when her food is ruined by other monsters, but that's quite a rare situation. Hope it doesn't happen... (Bobby BearHug) Your professional dancing soul. Despite her being dead, she mostly retains her enthusiastic and happy, dancing self. She really loves seeing the other souls bicker about, eavesdropping on their little argument like the little mischief she is... (CraftyCorn) Your patient and caring soul. She really loves her art and dedicates everything to complete it. Her patience is unmatched from what the other monsters have talked about, like "a yoga teacher opening their third eye". Like PickyPiggy, she never really fights and her anger levels are quote low, but when her art is destroyed or ruined, well... let's just say something bad happens... (Bubba Bubbaphant) Your smart, well-informed, perseverance soul. He's quite a vital soul when it comes to knowing the attacks of monsters. Too bad he was alone when he was adventuring the underground (everyone did). He can be quite stern and serious about anything, even if it was a joke or a funny situation. (I ain't readin' allat!) I'll be answering as such questions as I can with drawing since I'll be answering via drawing. smilingcritters #qna #smilingcrittersau #UnderCritters |
2024.06.10 11:47 msjjshdjsk Struggling with parents
As-salaamu 'alaykum I'm a 17 year old sister which suffers from harsh parents which are forbidding me from basic duties and responsibilities in Islam. I was born in a "Muslim" family which never prayed and have a bad attitude towards it viewing it as something extremistic, I was guided to Salah and true Islam almost a year ago, I would like to thank Allah SWT for guiding me again. When I first told them I wanted to try praying Salah they were suprised but gave me my dad's old prayer mat and some old hijab. Which initiates my dad prayed in his younger days which he confirmed by saying he went to the mosque. First few weeks have been okay I've learned how to pray through YouTube and then they started with negative comments such as " why do u pray so much"( It was only farz prayers) and such rude comments. Then I started hiding it because even before I was very scared of them judging me or confronting me. I started saying I'm going to workout and locking the door. My mom noticed it shortly after and told me if you want to pray, pray no one is forbidding you. I still didn't trust that because she said it in a rude tone and she's known for being hypocritical of what she says and using it against you later(which happened). After this it only got worse. It was shortly before Ramadan and I told them I want to fast full month and they said ok to my face but in the car where I wasn't present mom started calling me brainwashed and that I went crazy with Islam and that I'm turning extremist, when my sister told me this I was deeply hurt and dismotivated. But by Allah's will and mercy I fasted the month of Ramadan and I bought some abayas before it which I had to hide from my mom and when she found them she became very angry not so much at the fact I was hiding something but at the fact it was something Islamic and didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. She started calling me a terrorist, asking me who made me do it, mocking me by saying " you're on the Allah's right path" sarcastically, saying I probably went to the mosques( which is bad for her) and saying how I'll be a failure in life and that she'll switch me to the worst school in city since I'll become a terrorist anyways. It's been months from this and I hide every single Salah from them, it's hard since we have a dog and I have to switched clothes eveytime I pray so they are not licked by him , I pray behind a door with just an undercap on so of they come in I can take it off fast, I also pray on clothes such a hoodies so that I can pretend I was cleaning my wardrobe and hide the undercap, every Salah half of my concentration is going onto listening to them and if they are approaching the room and if they are my heart races and I speed up my Salah, I also try to go to mosques and masjids as much as possible but fear even there someone will see me and tell my parents, they probably think I quit praying and I don't know how to tell them that I continued on praying and that I want to pray openly. I am very scared of their reactions for I fear what they may do to me if I tell them all of this. I also want to start wearing the hijab but the circumstances are not letting me. I strive to achieve as much modesty as I can by wearing loose clothing but when I bought a skirt she got mad and said "ur not a covered women". What do I do? This is making me depressed. I can't keep on praying like this for much longer for it is very hard to even prepare and take wudu especially for fajr because they can hear me so I have to take only farz wudu. Can I take tayammum for fajr? Is it permissible to pray sitting or laying down in these cases? I also can't move out until I finsih highschool which is in 2 years, if Allah allows me to move abroad I plan on secretly wearing the hijab there. Can I do that? Do universities contact parents regarding clothes and hijab? May Allah help and have mercy on everyone dealing with this as well. + We are on vacation now I'm trying my best to be modest and instead they are getting mad calling me a grandma and telling me to take off my modest skirt and to show off my body astaghfirullah and to go dance and "have fun" when I warn them about their over consumption about alcohol they tell me leave us alone with that Islamic stuff and I'm very scared of them and I fear dressing modestly again
submitted by msjjshdjsk to islam [link] [comments]
2024.06.10 11:38 PossessionLegal8546 Absolutely lost
Hello to anyone reading this, I am just lost here. I was 22 yo when I met my ex. She contacted me via Instagram and I ignored the first message when she remessaged me I was getting off work and told her I am gonna be sleeping and not ignoring her message and we could talk later. She was in a different Texas and I was in Miami. We spoke via text and then moved to iMessage and then to FaceTime where it all went up from there. I never had a gf before because of my fear of getting cheated on or getting off track from taking care of my sick mother I was possibly losing. I was successful and just finished a contract and make 33 k in a month on a high horse o sure was but not flashing as I don’t post. She told me she had exs who beat her physically and cheated on her. I wanted to show her that good men exist and i couldn’t believe someone could do that to a person. She said she had an abandonment issue and would blow up my phone and be clingy which I liked because I never had anything before I thought it was just normal because I was loved and they didn’t wanna leave my presence. She never wanted to do anything with her life and was fine being a waitress for her career or even stripper for a while. I told her never tell me that again and I told her she can do real work and not sell herself. She then leaves for the military 4 months later while I was in a fire academy. Her bootcamp was 2 months I sent her pictures of me wrote pages of letters with quotes whether religious or motivational and sent her pictures I found in bootcamp to her family. She would call for 5 min every Monday and I made notes on how she sounded all was well in my notes she was healthier less acne she said and yeah. Then she gets out and I’m the last person she wants to see. I broke up with her and cried so hard yelling. I fixed the relationship and we got back. Found out she had 2 friends she hung out with who crap talked me and I was so dumb to not understand who gave them the info. I lose my house my grandma and am in charge on 5 men in academy while studying my ass off driving 2 hours a day. She couldn’t care less. Fast forward we got back and I was in search to be hired as a firefighter paramedic and was hired. Then my dream department passed me to move forward which I worked 3 years to get there and test and that day she didn’t care or ask about how it went so I went the whole day seeing if she would ask after 5 calls and night FaceTime no question about it. Next day I went crazy disrespectful I called her horrible names and it escalated because she said I just woke up oh my god meanwhile i extremely hurt. Oh also the pasts months before the blow up she was depressed so I was alone on FaceTime with a dark muted screen and could never ask her about work because she hated it and was tryna leave. Also she blamed a suicidal attempts on me saying it’s gonna be because of me. Why hate me ? I do no harm. She’d pull her eyelashes out and brows and I’d say well guess what we just keep trying again you’re absolutely still beautiful. So I broke up with her. Cried she hung up. Then starts going out. Says I’m worse than a cheater and abuser and that she can take a few black eyes and broken ribs but not what I did. Does she have no ammunition against me so she made lies ? Well ready she cheated not once wait wait 8 times ohhhh yeah. Oh and when she came to visit me for 2 weeks she tried leaving food on my floor while I work 24 hour shifts fuck the guy in my apartment with my car never cooked for me slammed my doors and sex was horrible I knew when I met her in person something was horribly wrong spiritually energy or whatever. We’ll post breakup she married the guy who was her friend in her room I was told about from her to make me jealous 3 months after and knew her while we were together. Wtf happened, I don’t understand and now I find out life rewards her and him with 4 k additional monthly because they are married. I consider it blood money if it’s for scam marriage but she posts the date they got married on her bio and the guy doesn’t so maybe she is in love bro idk. I’m mind fucked. I got closer to god but am still so angry. It destroys me to see how life handles things and I try to see it as maybe the devil is giving her what she wants so she is further from god. Just help me please I’m punishing myself living with these thoughts.
submitted by PossessionLegal8546 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
2024.06.10 11:29 boopthisderp 31 [M4A] Anywhere Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair
Demisexual, ultra romantic looking for the romance of the ages
Me: 31, male (used to be a trans woman but detransitioned, TERFs keep out though), brown, agnostic but spiritual, faaaar left wing. On a weight loss journey. INFP, Pisces, 173cm Chat essayist who never met a wordy paragraph he didn't like, interested in the poetry of your daily life. A bit shy at first.
You: kind, empathetic, knows how to hold a basic conversation, not into strict gender roles, not prejudiced against anyone except baddies like nazis, cops, zios, etc
Our possible common interests: fantasy literature, RPGs, ancient/medieval lit, history, spirituality systems, why insomnia sucks, why depression sucks, period pieces, random astronomy facts, why cats are the cutest, worldbuilding, memes, music from before 1800 AD, wiring long messages, poetry, languages
Expectations: Friends to lovers to lovers so lovingly lovers a greek god makes us into a constellation
Distance, looks, AGAB, disabilities, age, mental health issues - none of that matters to me, all our welcome. I do have a strong preference for femme people. If you're too masc we might not get along very well.
Extra brownie points if you know that the quote in the title is misattributed to Rumi
submitted by boopthisderp to asexualdating [link] [comments]
Me: 31, male (used to be a trans woman but detransitioned, TERFs keep out though), brown, agnostic but spiritual, faaaar left wing. On a weight loss journey. INFP, Pisces, 173cm Chat essayist who never met a wordy paragraph he didn't like, interested in the poetry of your daily life. A bit shy at first.
You: kind, empathetic, knows how to hold a basic conversation, not into strict gender roles, not prejudiced against anyone except baddies like nazis, cops, zios, etc
Our possible common interests: fantasy literature, RPGs, ancient/medieval lit, history, spirituality systems, why insomnia sucks, why depression sucks, period pieces, random astronomy facts, why cats are the cutest, worldbuilding, memes, music from before 1800 AD, wiring long messages, poetry, languages
Expectations: Friends to lovers to lovers so lovingly lovers a greek god makes us into a constellation
Distance, looks, AGAB, disabilities, age, mental health issues - none of that matters to me, all our welcome. I do have a strong preference for femme people. If you're too masc we might not get along very well.
Extra brownie points if you know that the quote in the title is misattributed to Rumi
2024.06.10 11:26 Street_Spot6858 cleaning my bedroom
hi everyone! i havent had much cleaning experience since i was brought up very spoilt but ive tought myself the quote on quote “basic clean”. but ive dealt with anxiety and depression for 8 years so it gets really frustrating and i never get it fully done and even when i do.. it still dont feel clean enough so i would love basic cleaning, deep cleaning tips! thank you all in advance💕
submitted by Street_Spot6858 to CleaningTips [link] [comments]
2024.06.10 11:19 Fabulous-Boy Ghoster stalking me or Narc hoovering.
It’s a long story, but I even had to post from this profile because my ghost is a stalker for real and he threatened to dox me once because he was angry that I was talking to his friends about our situation and after he ghosted me. I think he knows my other Reddit account.
Anyway, IDK if this has happened to someone on here, but I’m gonna share anyway…
I think I’m getting Hoover (a narcissistic tactic to get you back and use you again) by a guy who ghosted me and I also think he is a narcissist. He takes medication for depression, but these are used for personality disorders too.
I feel so uncomfortable.
I wanted for him to come around, but not like this. I wanted him to apologize from his real social media or use his phone number, he still has mine, but I wasn't expecting to be stalked.
Context: When he was starting to soft ghost a weird account followed me and this account kept liking my “love” tweets, personal tweets, and sad tweets, the account was always suspicious and the person behind it likes a lot of gothic bisexual porn stuff. My ghost is bisexual and he is gothic.
It has to be him.
He was confusing and didn’t want to give me clarity even when he said we had a connection. I confessed my feelings and instead of being honest he tried to confuse me more (like narcissistic people do)
I asked him questions, but he was being shady and soft ghosting, it felt like he was stringing me along on purpose because he didn't want to lose his toy and when I kept asking him to explain this connection and be honest with me, he ignored me, I had to call him out and he ghosted.
I blocked his main account after this because I was hurt, but that fake profile full of gothic porn was still following me until I decided to block it too. (I had a suspicion that it was him)
Anyway, For some reason, my old social media got suspended, and I had to create a new account, idk how, but his friends know my new account and I forgot to block my ghost’s profile because I didn't think he was gonna find it, and guess what?
After being private for almost 2 weeks on Twitter, I decided to move on, set up my account public this week, and write a tweet saying that I don’t think he’s gonna take accountability for the way he hurt me and said, “bye and good riddance” I was expressing myself and decided to block his account for good, but this is where it gets interesting…
2-3 hours later, a new profile followed me with the same name, the same likes (porn tweets), and almost the same @ as the old suspicious account and the funniest part is that he only liked this specific tweet after he followed me, I wrote this Peter Pan quote:
"You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting."
I checked the profile and it only likes bisexual gothic porn and my tweets.
I’m uncomfortable because, honestly, I can’t understand why they do this.
Has anyone been through this? I know this isn't about narcissism, but don’t worry, I’m gonna ask the same question in a narcissism forum, but I feel like it was important to share my experience too because most ghosts have a narcissistic trait and this is weird for me.
I don’t understand the guy.
I know how narcissism works, but this whole Hoover thing is weird because it feels like I’m gonna get my wish and he’s gonna return, but I know exactly why narcissistic people return, so I’m scared in a way and trying to be strong and not fall for his game. I know that if he tries to apologize I’ll see good in him and I don’t want that. I think I’m gonna block the profile, but ngl, it feels weird. 😵💫
submitted by Fabulous-Boy to ghosting [link] [comments]
Anyway, IDK if this has happened to someone on here, but I’m gonna share anyway…
I think I’m getting Hoover (a narcissistic tactic to get you back and use you again) by a guy who ghosted me and I also think he is a narcissist. He takes medication for depression, but these are used for personality disorders too.
I feel so uncomfortable.
I wanted for him to come around, but not like this. I wanted him to apologize from his real social media or use his phone number, he still has mine, but I wasn't expecting to be stalked.
Context: When he was starting to soft ghost a weird account followed me and this account kept liking my “love” tweets, personal tweets, and sad tweets, the account was always suspicious and the person behind it likes a lot of gothic bisexual porn stuff. My ghost is bisexual and he is gothic.
It has to be him.
He was confusing and didn’t want to give me clarity even when he said we had a connection. I confessed my feelings and instead of being honest he tried to confuse me more (like narcissistic people do)
I asked him questions, but he was being shady and soft ghosting, it felt like he was stringing me along on purpose because he didn't want to lose his toy and when I kept asking him to explain this connection and be honest with me, he ignored me, I had to call him out and he ghosted.
I blocked his main account after this because I was hurt, but that fake profile full of gothic porn was still following me until I decided to block it too. (I had a suspicion that it was him)
Anyway, For some reason, my old social media got suspended, and I had to create a new account, idk how, but his friends know my new account and I forgot to block my ghost’s profile because I didn't think he was gonna find it, and guess what?
After being private for almost 2 weeks on Twitter, I decided to move on, set up my account public this week, and write a tweet saying that I don’t think he’s gonna take accountability for the way he hurt me and said, “bye and good riddance” I was expressing myself and decided to block his account for good, but this is where it gets interesting…
2-3 hours later, a new profile followed me with the same name, the same likes (porn tweets), and almost the same @ as the old suspicious account and the funniest part is that he only liked this specific tweet after he followed me, I wrote this Peter Pan quote:
"You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting."
I checked the profile and it only likes bisexual gothic porn and my tweets.
I’m uncomfortable because, honestly, I can’t understand why they do this.
Has anyone been through this? I know this isn't about narcissism, but don’t worry, I’m gonna ask the same question in a narcissism forum, but I feel like it was important to share my experience too because most ghosts have a narcissistic trait and this is weird for me.
I don’t understand the guy.
I know how narcissism works, but this whole Hoover thing is weird because it feels like I’m gonna get my wish and he’s gonna return, but I know exactly why narcissistic people return, so I’m scared in a way and trying to be strong and not fall for his game. I know that if he tries to apologize I’ll see good in him and I don’t want that. I think I’m gonna block the profile, but ngl, it feels weird. 😵💫
2024.06.10 10:57 SecondEldenLord 33 [M4F] - UK/Anywhere, Very lonely man looking for his first love
Disclaimer: before I start I feel like I need to say this after getting messaged by so many toxic people. If you don't intend to get to know each other and put in effort as well, don't bother then. If you are just a troll and are here to make fun of lonely men, I feel sorry for you and I will block you. I am here like any other person to find love so let's just be respectful towards each other as fellow human beings.
So, let's start, name is Victor and I am from UK. I work as an admin, it is a pretty boring office job but won't be staying there forever since I am actually studying to become a personal fitness trainer. Working out is my passion and I really hope I can share passion with other people to help them improve their fitness level. So yeah, you know one of my passions, second one is gaming! I own Ps5, pc switch and even and occulus rift S VR. Big hardcore gamer here, but not a huge fan of multiplayer games. I do enjoy some like dead by daylight and league of legends but mostly I am a big fan of singleplayer games like rpgs, adventures, FPS, hack and slash and so on. I also enjoy watching movies, especially horror ones. Big horror fan here!
As a character I would say I am funny, sarcastic kind, friendly, social, supportive, understanding. I love listening to people and helping them as much as I can with a kind word. I am also very honest, maybe a bit too honest sometimes. I really hate lying
As for my physique: 160 cms tall, 59 kgs weight, brown hair, brown eyes, wear glasses, pretty athletic body.
One more thing about me: I suffered with depression and suicidal tendencies before. Right now I do suffer with anxiety and some panic attacks, which means at times I do have difficulty breathing but it is pretty much under control most of the time.
I hope I find a wonderful, loyal and honest girl and will appreciate me for who I am and I promise I will love and appreciate them with all I got.
submitted by SecondEldenLord to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
So, let's start, name is Victor and I am from UK. I work as an admin, it is a pretty boring office job but won't be staying there forever since I am actually studying to become a personal fitness trainer. Working out is my passion and I really hope I can share passion with other people to help them improve their fitness level. So yeah, you know one of my passions, second one is gaming! I own Ps5, pc switch and even and occulus rift S VR. Big hardcore gamer here, but not a huge fan of multiplayer games. I do enjoy some like dead by daylight and league of legends but mostly I am a big fan of singleplayer games like rpgs, adventures, FPS, hack and slash and so on. I also enjoy watching movies, especially horror ones. Big horror fan here!
As a character I would say I am funny, sarcastic kind, friendly, social, supportive, understanding. I love listening to people and helping them as much as I can with a kind word. I am also very honest, maybe a bit too honest sometimes. I really hate lying
As for my physique: 160 cms tall, 59 kgs weight, brown hair, brown eyes, wear glasses, pretty athletic body.
One more thing about me: I suffered with depression and suicidal tendencies before. Right now I do suffer with anxiety and some panic attacks, which means at times I do have difficulty breathing but it is pretty much under control most of the time.
I hope I find a wonderful, loyal and honest girl and will appreciate me for who I am and I promise I will love and appreciate them with all I got.
2024.06.10 08:27 BeautifulSearch4040 My husband is a wolf dressed in sheep clothes
I 32F married my husband 45M, 3 years ago and we’ve been together for 5 years. I want to start by saying that, in theory, he is a good men and a good person. He does a lot for his church and always helps people. However, I am so sick and tired of him being so sarcastic and condescending to me. He constantly makes the most condescending comments, for example (and this is just a small example of the extend of it), I came back home the other day from taking my dog out and he was supposed to be gone home already so I said excited “ hello!! you still here!!” And he replied with a condescending tone “You can see my car outside. I’ll let you figure it out”. It’s absolutely exhausting being treated so poorly when all I do is literally support him with everything. He also ALWAYS wants to be antagonistic to me even for the most trivial and unimportant things. Like I say there’s mosquitoes outside, he HAS to say something to emphasize there is not mosquitoes outside. He also has call me aweful things during arguments like”neardental” and “d***y immigrant , I can’t believe they let someone entered my country like you” He makes fun of my friends as well and belittle us saying things like “you are going out with your little friends today. You guys always hold hands and have no balls to do anything exciting”. He also never cares about my day, what I did. I try to make conversation and start talking about something that interests me and his replies is always some random stuff his thinking like “there’s no more eggs” but doesn’t engage in the conversation, at all. He is only interested to talk about his business and his religion, which is ironic because he’s such a sneaky person and trickster, yet he says his such a good child of God. His family is also SO snobby. All they talk about (and I’m taking 100% of the time) is how much money their acquaintances make, how many connections they have and among other ridiculous things of that sort, everyone else outside that circle is and I quote “goofy”. I don’t recall him being like this when we started dating, but like I say he’s sneaky and probably faked his true self as none of this things he would dare to do or say in front of others. He is very concerned about what other people think of him, to the point that he would for sure throw me under the bus just to make himself look better. Now, I’m so disappointed that I don’t even want to sleep next to him. The worst part of all is that I feel trapped because I don’t have an independent job right now, I work for his business. I feel he controls everything I do and every small little thing I do, like why I left the car in front of the house and not on the back. He supports me financially and I think getting used to that comfort has been my biggest mistake. I feel that I depend on him and that kills me. I’m scared I won’t be able to afford a good life for me and my dog but I don’t see any other solution that to start fresh !! Feels so good to vent !!!!
submitted by BeautifulSearch4040 to Vent [link] [comments]