Money talks carmen

I'm reaching out because I'm feeling lost and defeated after an unexpected layoff in late January. Before that, I was making over $200k annually as a Lead PM. I have about 9 years of experience—5 in software development and 4 as a product manager.
Since then, I've been relentlessly applying to PM/PO roles. I've gotten some interviews and even made it to the final rounds, only to be rejected repeatedly. A lot of the jobs being offered are for significantly less money, and the interview processes are grueling. I’ve prepared extensively and performed well, but I keep getting rejected with no feedback.
Recently, a friend let me in on a shocking revelation: the job he had referred me for had over 300 applicants, many more qualified than me (Directors, VPs, etc for a Senior PM role). This insight, coupled with positions being canceled midway through interviews and being ghosted by potential employers, has taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I've also wasted a lot of time talking to third-party recruiters who never followed up.
To make matters worse, a contracting job I secured fell through due to budget issues just weeks before I was set to start. And despite my willingness to relocate at my own expense, companies seem to prefer local candidates, often rejecting me after the final round in favor of someone who can start immediately.
Everything promising is just leading to a dead end.
Adding to the stress, I'm paying for COBRA and rent out of pocket without a steady income stream. This entire ordeal has shattered my confidence, taken a toll on my mental and physical health, and left me feeling depressed. My spouse, an Ivy League grad with an engineering degree, is also struggling to find employment.
What's particularly baffling is that five years ago, when I faced a layoff, I secured another job relatively quickly and received multiple offers despite having less experience.
I'm at a loss for what to do next. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone else experienced a similar situation? How did you navigate through it?
Thanks for reading & support!

Ok, so without any proof I can show, I went on a supervisors laptop. This was before I worked for sbux. I was at their house and needed to search something. Then there’s some very horrible images including unborn babies in sexual ways. I have no proof of this like I said. It’s on their computer though. This was years ago and I no longer associate with them at all. In fact, I have gone to HR about them more than once for other things. This time it’s different though. They’re in their mid 30s inviting 19-20 year olds over their house after closing. I heard about this through someone that closed and thought it was really weird that they would even wanna hang out with someone so young. Like, what could they have in common? I warned one of the girls today that there is no 30 year old that wants to hang out with a 19 year old without some other intent, so be careful. That’s all I said.
I know exactly what’s happening and he is manipulating and exploiting them for money. They sell them things and replace what it is to something cheaper. I won’t say what, but it’s happening. This supervisor is known for not only lying often but being like a chameleon, ready to be just like the person they’re talking to. (IE, if I say I want to learn Italian, suddenly they’ve been learning for years… but can’t speak it at all… if I loved skydiving, they now love skydiving too and did it once already.) so it’s very easy for them to seem like they have a lot in common so they’re more interested in being friends. I have known him for almost 10 years so I am familiar with these patterns. They have absolutely no friends their age.
I don’t want to get these kids in trouble. They’re being exploited for money though in a very illegal way. I know HR won’t take me seriously unless I have proof, but I don’t. What would you do?

I'm training to be an early years educator. My country has invested big money into training people so I'm getting paid a living wage to attend university and work part time.
I love my work so much. I was so miserable in my old office job, I felt grey inside and couldn't believe I would have to spend another 30+ years working.
Now work is one of the best parts of my life. I didn't think it was possible. I'm so happy I made this decision, I'd been so scared to quit my last job and all the unknowns but I feel like a different person since doing this.
I don't talk about it much to people irl. I just wanted to tell the world. And also maybe help motivate anyone who's really hating their job that there are options :)

I've been dating my fiancé for four years, and until now, our relationship has been going great. But we went to a school reunion of mine, and he overheard some of my friends teasing me about being useless. He acted a little oddly the rest of the night. I thought it was just awkwardness from being around a bunch of my friends he didn't know, so I left early.
We pulled over to get drinks on the way back, and when I brought them back to the car, he was pretty upset. He had looked through my journal (he's allowed), and seemed disgusted with what I was like as a teen. I laughed it off at first, bit when he was serious, we started to fight.
He ended up bringing up my family (generally a subject we don't touch) to call me spoiled and concieted. I said he was being insane and that my life was more put together than his, so high school doesn't matter. And he's no one to talk - he had to repeat his senior year. Which isn't as bad, but still, plexiglass houses.
Don't get me wrong - I was an absolute waste in high school. I literally almost never attended classes, barely if ever wore the uniform, and definitely would have been expelled if that wouldn't have cost the school money. I gambled a bit, too, and drank responsibly on the weekends. But I had my excuses - definitely not good ones, but excuses nonetheless. I wasn't a delinquent or anything, I just... treated the dorms like an apartment complex I happened to live in. 😅 I was actually really well liked (because, hey, I had nothing better to do than help out), and my best friend ended up valedictorian.
But I don't see any reason that would be a problem now. I was a lazy, aggrieved teen going through some stuff for four years more than a decade ago. I've been a rancher for twice that! I don't think it suggests that I'm going to break under pressure or not be able to take care of others, because my whole job is taking care of birds and livestock in bad situations. My fiancé has said that he was first attracted to me because of how responsible and attentive I am towards them.
Now, should I have told him sooner? Probably, yeah. But I don't know anything about what he was like in high school either, and I didn't want to come off as whiny or bring up something I'm ashamed of. I genuinely didn't think it would matter to him. And I can't help but be offended that it is.

My partner of 14 years is a drug addict, he’s always seemed to or what I feel use me to be his savior, he’s serious anger & jealousy problems also, for the last year, i haven’t been myself what so ever, I’ve had a nervous breakdown, around a year and a half ago, following years of his lies, stealing from my family my dad, my grandma, he’s taken mine and the kids Christmas money, pawned out ten year old sons phone and watched us search the house for it, he goes through my bank account and has taken money out my account for drugs many a time, in became friends with a guy and a few times he’s lent me money and I’ve paid him back nothing massive just small amounts here and there, when my partner went on my bank and seen this he has went ballistic and has called me a whore, a cunt a slut, he’s told me he’s going to hurt this guy, he’s went through all my social media accounts, and wanted to go through my phone yesterday to see if I had spoken to him. Last summer before I was even friends with this guy he kicked me and our children out of our home, around four times all relating to his drug addictions and his stealing etc. So last night after I went to talk to him and he told me to fuck of and called me a cunt, I was in bed and he wanted to talk I told him I was too tired and I said I would speak to him tommorow, he then was calling me a whore and saying I was full of diseases and I asked him many a time to be quiet and I ended up getting up and losing it because I’m tired of him calling me horrible names infront of our children, he said I scratched him and he pushed me a couple of times (this has happened before) he tells me that if I showed him more affection his drug addiction wouldn’t be so bad and that he’s been begging for months for affection from me, I guess I have grown complete numb to the pain I’ve carried for so long regarding this relationship, and I feel as though I have to be always his saviour, I have been trying for a while now working with women’s aid to get me and the children rehoused because it’s becoming too much, he’s still using drugs, but unfortunately I fell he blames me for everything, and if I ever being up anything that hurts me that’s happened in the past, and he’s apologized for needs to be left there, I will never be happy in this relationship aslong as he is still using drugs, he cannot fathom any of this, my poor dad also said he caught him sneaking into his house one night to take his bank card of that which he still denies. Can anyone help me here because this guy blames me for so much and I’m so depressed with it all, my life has been a living hell for so long

Hi all, I lived in Delhi and had shifted from Kalkaji to Malviya Nagar in December. Found the flatmate via flat and flatmate group on facebook. It’s a 2bhk and total rent is 34k. Before shifting, like any sane person, I visited the flat and sat down and got to know the other tenant is subletting and the owner doesn’t give one fuck about who shifts there, just needs rent. I sat down and spoke to her for 1.5 hours just to see who I’m going to be living with for the next 5-6 months as I didn’t plan on staying for long, will be shifting cities.
She lost her mother in December end(she is youngest of 4 children and is 31 years old). I had a lot of empathy for her as it’s a huge tragedy for any human to lose their mother. I Used to take all responsibility in the house, used to do all the work, pay all the bills so she could grieve in peace and not worry about these trivial things, used to keep checking on her regularly.
Her coping mechanism on the other hand was to bring dates to the flat - unannounced. Not judging, but a little heads up would be good as I’m a woman living in an independent flat, mostly wearing clothes which I wouldn’t wear in front of strange men. And she would never interact with me, even for coordinating the basis like maid, bills, security and utilities. Even if I would try to initiate the conversation she’d dodge and say let’s talk tomorrow.
Cut to April, I was in my hometown for whole months, on 25 April she texts the landlord is increasing rent by 20%. I felt something fishy because rent is usually increased by 10% with at least one month of notice. I told her 20k is too much for a room which is size of storeroom which no furniture, not even an AC. I only shifted here because it’s closer to my office and I didn’t plan on staying for long either. But I can’t spend 20k out of my 50k salary on the room. So I’ll probably shift.
When I reached at the flat a week later, I find out she’s kept some stuff in my room, dirty clothes on my laundry back including dirty underwear. Treated my room like a storeroom/dumpyard. When I expressed my disgust by merely asking ‘what is this’, she started getting aggressive and started verbally abusing me. Calling me ‘weird asshole’ because I came unannounced. She was physically violent and tried to attack me. Her reaction was that of a 5 year old, totally unhinged. Next day I packed my stuff and decided to leave the flat as it was already 30th. I told her to keep the security money and paid all the left Splitwise balance. Yet she said I have to pay rent for May and she will return my security at May end. I asked what’s the point when you are already keeping the security money. She had no answer kept asking for rent. Started harassing me verbally again. She was literally in my face trying to intimidate me.
Now I had rented a washing machine, we split the monthly rent for it. But it’s kept in her balcony and the access is through her room. It was supposed to be picked on the same day,but after abusing me she went to her room and didn’t let the machine get picked. I left for my hometown, my cab was waiting. The neighbours in building also mentioned she’s done this before with other tenants, withheld their AC. Owner is also aware of her behaviour but refuses to meddle.
Now she Kept texting me she will let it get picked at end of May as she is vacating the flat. I’ve scheduled the pick up for 25, but she wouldn’t let it happen. I’m anticipating she won’t return it and I’m thinking of filing a police complaint. Help me out guys, if I don’t return it I will have to pay 21k to Rentomojo.
What can I do in this situation? I still have keys to the flat FYI.
TLDR- unhinged flatmate, got verbally abusive, harassed me for money, when I decided to shift. I have shifted from there but she won’t let me return the rental washing machine kept in her balcony, machine is registered in my name. She’s vacating flat at month end, owner doesn’t care.

Hey everyone, I've never had a strong reaction as allergy to the sun. I usually just get a sunburn and that's it... I got strong sun on friday and had some stuff come up on my arms, then went for canooing on sunday (completely drenched in spf50 and completely covered) - but since then my underarms and chin just keeps on getting worse. Sunday it wasn't even my lips but since yesterday nearly all of my lips are plastered with tiny blisters or hives. The first 3 pictures are from this morning, 4+5 fron yesterday.
I'm taking loratadine in the morning, using normal creme to keep hydrated and using spf on top. However I feel like my usual lipbalm is just worsening my lip condition. At night my arms were so itchy I woke up several times.
Just got benzedrine bc some ppl in another sub said it helped them relieve the itch but it didn't do anything, so I just washed it down and remoisturized my skin. I'm traveling until 31/05 so I don't think I can go to a doc without paying insane ampunts of money but I haven't found a post in this sub talking specifically about face or lips.
I'm not sure if I'm doing anything to worsen the situation as some red spots that look more like the common picture people have posted here "is this sun allergy?" have started appearing in areas that weren't directly exposed to sunlight.
Thanks so much in advance everyone!!! The itchiness and open cracked lips are driving me crazy!

Throwaway because I have family that uses reddit.
For the context, my older brother Callum abused me, my sister Mary and my mum. My oldest brother Alex did everything he could to help me, Mary and mum but he worked so he wasn't there all the time. The abuse was physical, mental and financial. The important part of this is that if it wasn't nailed down, he would sell it. All of the toys and books me and my sister had would be sold if he could get enough for it to buy a chololate bar. This lead to the four of us being estranged from Callum since he turned 18 which was 10+ years ago.
My grandmother always showed Callum was her favourite grandkid, because she didn't believe the abuse for a long time and thought everyone was hard on Callum. Callum always took advatage of this and grandma eventually understood what was happening, when he refused to see her in the hospital in 2019. This was not long after she changed her will to say that all of her grandkids get the same amount of money when she passes. That includes Callum. However, she left a note with her solicitors which said that if her son (my uncle) died before her, she wants Callum to get nothing, leaving almost everything to my mum. This note was left after she got out of he hospital
My grandma is very unwell now and Callum hasn't been to see her since before her 2019 hospitalisation. She is on end of life care and will probably not survive the next 2 months. As a result, everyone is making preperations for when she dies. That's how we found out about the contents of her will, as well as the note left.
My mum, Mary and my uncle all believe that the note grandma left was an indication that she didn't want to include Callum in the will anymore and don't want to give him the money that grandma will leave him. Alex doesn't care if Callum gets it or not but is insisting that if Callum gets it, only him and my uncle would meet with Callum for safety.
I am not going to lie, I hate Callum with everything in my being but I feel like this isn't about him or how any of us feel about him. I think that my grandma wanted him to have the same as us, otherwise she would have changed it. I am willing to contact Callum myself so my grandma can get, what I believe, is her final wish. When I told my family this, they all called me an asshole for potentially letting Callum back in our lives.
After talking to people outside the family, I have had a lot of different oppinions. Most of them have been that it's better to not open the can of worms that comes from contacting Callum or that Callum has probably stolen the same value from us, if not more, so it's fair. Now I do feel like an asshole for being so insistant.
So Reddit, WIBTA for ensuring my abusive brother inherits money from my grandma?

Okay fellow humans, I’m kind of at a crossroads here and I need some advice… So lately some stuff went down with my roommate and her boyfriend and on a night of drinking she showed me and my boyfriend the screenshots of the conversations between her boyfriend and another female(s). I saw some things like “you get me soaked” and him calling her baby which honestly made my red flag radar start going off. I didn’t really pay attention to the time stamps or when the conversation happened but all I know is that if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be talking to other people like that, and I told my roommate those exact words. She also went to my boyfriend to talk about it as well and I’m pretty sure he told her the same thing. After that we continued having a good time together and went on with the night having fun as a little family. The next day (Mothers Day) my boyfriend and I were leaving to go see our beloved mamas, as I was walking out the door my roommates boyfriend stopped me to talk to me about last night. He looked at me and started with “First I want to clarify that those screenshots she showed you were old and happened before we started dating, she likes to show stuff like that when she’s drunk.” I was honestly speechless… the questions running through my head in that moment were “why are you trying to justify yourself with me right now?” And “If you already talked about it before with her why are you trying to talk to me?” Of course I didn’t ask those out loud but I just kind of gave him a glare, and I said “alright man” and walked out the door, mind you when he told me that his body language was off and fidgety AND she has never even showed us stuff like that before the previous times we got drunk together. When my roommate and her boyfriend talked about the screenshots… he said he was doing it for “money” because they were in a tight spot, at the time both of them were unemployed. But I smelt total bullshit with that excuse. There’s other ways to get money in a more honest way, I know getting hired and finding a new job is hard but talking to other women who aren’t even sugar mama age is a little sketchy to me, don’t you think? My boyfriend and I honestly were getting restless about the whole situation because we had a strong feeling he was lying right to her and our face. Later we came back home from the domains of our lovely mothers, I didn’t really want to talk to my roommates boyfriend so I went straight upstairs to take a shower while my boyfriend conversed with them downstairs. From what my boyfriend explained to me, he talked to them about the situation and they were allegedly on good terms and roommates boyfriend deleted/blocked all the girls he was talking to, he even let my boyfriend look through his phone to show proof. But there was more evidence of one more girl in his phone that wasn’t deleted, a girl under the name “Fggt😁😁” my boyfriend found a text from him to her saying “Be mine😍😍😍😍” HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR GIRL YOU BLOCKED EVERYONE AND STILL HAVE ONE LEFT?! The date of the text was from April 15, 2023… My roommate and her boyfriend have been together for the past 3 years… ummmm RED FLAG. My boyfriend didn’t say anything about what he found and handed the phone back. Later that week my boyfriend and I planned on talking to my roommate alone when her boyfriend was at work, and that’s what we did. About two or three days ago we pulled her outside to express our concerns, my boyfriend and I have both been in relationships with shitty people so we know how it feels to be cheated on so it was with good intentions and we were just trying to look out for her. My boyfriend told her to just keep an eye out and proceed with caution. I’m a very straightforward person with my feelings so I told her something similar but I also told her that I don’t really trust him anymore and that he might keep this behavior up and get sloppy about it in the future.. When we came back inside we again clarified that we are watching out for her and we are on her side. We also told her that if shit hits the fan with her relationship, we will be on her side 100% she was willing to listen to us and respected our opinion which we were grateful for. But then yesterday or maybe the day before I’m not too sure cause my perception of time sucks, me, my boyfriend, our best friend, and my roommates little brother were all having a good time drawing really stupid pictures of each other on the fridge, as a JOKE. Then my roommate and her boyfriend came downstairs and the vibe in the room totally shifted to complete tension, her boyfriend was visibly upset or irritated, standing in the corner with his arms crossed and just glaring at us (me, bf, best friend). We looked at him and tried showing him the drawing of him to get a laugh out of him but he was just stone face and not happy at all. We tried asking him what’s wrong but all we got was the silent treatment, which we didn’t really care. But he was being salty which ruined the vibe in the room so my boyfriend and I just went upstairs cause we didn’t want to be around a sourpuss. We didn’t know why he was upset, but my boyfriend and I assumed that our roommate told him about what we said to her and now he’s mad about it. Was it wrong to express or worry to her? Are we the as*holes for not wanting our friend to get hurt? I need some advice. What do ya’ll think about this??

I (42F) have a rocky relationship with my adopted son (18M). From here on I'll call him Blake. I adopted him when he was about four or five through unusual means. I won't get into that just now, but essentially I convinced his mother to sign him over to me because they were poor and I could provide better education for their bright little boy.
I am not poor by any means and had more than enough money to take him off their hands. This is where the trouble with him started. He didn't want to leave his biological parents, but the paperwork was signed and I had an important meeting the next day, so I took him with me immediately. He's never forgiven me for that, and I'm surprised he remembers it at all because he was so little.
Speaking of things he remembered when he was so little, I had to put a lot of work into making him forget his original name. I wanted him to sound more normal, and his original name was some kind of tribal word that I have long since forgotten, but I do know it meant something like "black bird" or something. I also made him forget his surname but this took a lot of time as well as he would scrawl it everywhere he could. I don't think he understands that he needed to forget those things so he could focus on becoming a productive member of society.
I cut Blake's hair short, which is something he always fought about. I used to have to discipline him a lot because he would fight doing basic tasks or would speak in nonsense words which I strictly forbade. I think he would do it just to irritate me because he knew I hated it when he would speak in nonsense words when playing with his toys. He would insist it wasn't nonsense but I wasn't having it. He was an incredibly manipulative child and lied like this often. I had to pull teeth to get him to refer to me as Mom and he always did so incredibly reluctantly.
I had to constantly remind him that his choices have consequences, like how eating a lot of food would make him fat and eating a lot of sugar would make him diabetic since he's already halfway there by virtue of being native american. In the present day Blake claims I gave him an eating disorder, but I don't see how he could have an eating disorder by not being fat or diabetic. He's also decently muscular because he works out a lot, so he's obviously lying about this to try to make me feel bad. With all this background aside, the incident I'm asking about happened quite recently.
He was showing some interest in tattooing as a career choice, but suddenly stopped, which at the time I was relieved about until I discovered the reason.
I found out that he got back into contact with his birth family behind my back in the last few months, and has been talking to them regularly. He left his phone behind and forgot to lock it, so I got curious and went through his messages. Not only had he been talking to these people, but apparently he plans to move back to Arizona to be with them?! I confronted him about it, because how could he abandon all the work I've done to get him a good education and essentially a free ride into college? And he coldly told me that I am not his mother, that I never saw him as a real person and that I only took him in to soothe my "white guilt" by saving him from what "I perceived as" poverty.
This is obviously ridiculous and another example of him being incredibly manipulative, but now he's learned woke verbiage to do it with. I never should have let him hang out with kids who were woke, so that is fully my fault.
I told him "Blake, you're being stupid. How do you even know who these people are? How can you know they're your family?" All he said in reply to that is "My name is not Blake, it's [Black Bird]."
We fought for some time while he packed up his things and left. He only had a few bags worth of things, so it only took about ten minutes or so for that part. Now he won't answer my calls or texts and the police won't help because he's legally an adult.
I don't think I'm TA for giving him a chance at living a normal life, how can I make him under that he is acting foolish? I'm at a loss of what to do.

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.

To shorten up a very long story.. I live with my Mother and little brother together and my Mother is also alcoholic and mentally abuses us, sometimes she neglects our needs aswell and we’re depended on ourselves. My father died when i was young and i don’t have any other family members i can go to. CPS isn’t an option because in my country all that stuff is really bad and we’ll be better off at home (talking out of experience). Since i’m not in a state to be working (chronic illness and mental issues which are untreated) i don’t have any money because my mother spends it all. Now i was looking through the attic and i saw a money save. I want to take what i need, would it be really bad?

My hypothesis is that Freud's patients, who were mainly wealthy women in arranged marriages, did not find their husbands attractive. Modern life backs this up: as soon as women began to have opportunity to break away from societal restrains surrounding sex, they virtually all display sexual hypergamy: this appears to be a biological fact, which was restrained by virtually every society. It is not a surprise that virtually every society independently came up with rules surrounding sex and curbed female sexual freedom to at least some degree: it must be that these societies recognized the biological sexual hypergamy and the threats it could pose to society. Since radical 4rth wave feminism was implemented in the modern West about a decade ago we have seen how Western civilization has suddenly began its demise. In about 10 years, 1000s of years of civilization have been undone.
Back to Freud's patients: again, they were upper class wealthy women in arranged marriages, and so by virtue of simple statistics, since there are only so many highly attractive men, the majority of these women did not find their husbands attractive, but could not openly talk about this due to societal restrains. This gap caused distress, which then manifested in hysteria. That is why when they were able to do talk therapy and get out their repressed thoughts, their physical symptoms of hysteria were reduced. In addition, it is pretty much a fact that women are much more sensitive to guilt (my hypothesis for this is: as the physically weaker sex, women are more dependent on society for survival, so are more sensitive to acting anti-social, which is what guilt helps stop) than men (and due to the societal restraints they likely felt ashamed for wanting better than their husbands), and so this likely also played a part in creating a disconnect so strong that it caused neurological symptoms.
EDIT:
I had no idea of the cases below when I made this hypothesis. My hypothesis was based on: a) most of his patients were upper class/wealthy women b) most had unexplained neurological/physical symptoms c) sexuality was at least partially a theme in most cases. I combined that with the observed sexual behavior of women I see today, as well as my observed theme of women being much more sensitive of guilt and shame compared to men. But I just skimmed the cases and found some support for my hypothesis:
There were 5 women with case studies. 1 of them (Anna O.) does not appear to fit the pattern of my hypothesis, but she was not mainly treated by Freud, rather, by Breuer. Though it appears that the whole "penis envy" thing largely stemmed from her case. In summary, she appeared to have resentment over her brother, because she was smart but was not given the same academic opportunities due to being a girl. However, I can't seem to find anything about her sexual life.
Number 2: Anna von Lieben (Cäcilie M.)
There seems to be reasonable support for my hypothesis in this case.
https://eprints.gla.ac.uk/291492/1/291492.pdf
According to the above, appears that at 19, shortly prior to marriage, she started to have symptoms, relating to either a sexual experience or fantasy, and she kept it inside and did not tell anyone the details (likely due to shame?).
https://www.costumecocktail.com/2017/03/06/anna-todesco-ca-1865/
According to the above, she was wealthy, and at age 21 married a very wealthy older man.
https://www.encyclopedia.com/psychology/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/cacilie-m-case According to the above:

She had an intuition of a future state that led her to remark, "It's a long time since I've been frightened of witches at night," the night before she experienced this fear.

We all know what witches were associated with at that time: sexual promiscuity.
Number 3: Fanny Moser.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/freuds-patients-serial/201207/fanny-moser-1848-1925
According to the above, she was born in a wealthy family, and at age 23, married a wealthy 65 year old. Then when she got older she divorced, and fell in "love" with a much younger man, who robbed her of some of her fortune, and her daughters stopped speaking to her due to her irrational "love" for this much younger man. Again, my hypothesis is that she was not sexually fulfilled by her 40+ year older husband, and she fantasized about more attractive men, and the shame and guilt from this manifested in physical symptoms. Then she couldn't handle it and gave in and went the other extreme and married a much younger more attractive man who was clearly using her for her money. Again, due to protect herself from the shame/guilt from this action of hers, she projected and shifted her blamed at her daughters.
Number 4: Miss Lucy R.
https://www.encyclopedia.com/psychology/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/lucy-r-case
Another wealthy woman, she was in "love" with the man whose chlidren she cared for, and she was in denial about this (again, shame?).
Number 5: Katharina
https://www.pbs.org/youngdrfreud/pages/analysis_fears.htm
According to the above, at the age of 16 she developed symptoms after witnessing her father having sex with her sister, and her father apparently made a pass for her 2 years prior. While this case has nothing to do with her own marriage, a potential hypothesis is that she was a virgin at that time, and at that time a 16 year old female virgin likely had no access to men except her fantasy, and by that age one would be developed enough to have sexual desires. So perhaps she was turned on momentarily when she saw that scene, and this caused moral disgust and shame in her, and this manifested in physical symptoms.

I 21F am dating my coworker and best friend M25 and i don’t know how to break it off.
So back in fall of last year i broke up with my long term 4 yr boyfriend (M21)and since then i feel like my life’s been falling apart. he was really the only boyfriend i’ve had longer than a month or so, so we kinda went through all of highschool and our young adult life together. he was my person, i had no doubt i was going to spend my life with him and never really imagined what i would do if we broke up. i just knew we had resentment in the relationship from past stuff he did and i wanted a break to heal from it so i didn’t just take it out on him. in that time at the beginning i had people in my life i thought we’re helping me do that the right way, but if anything all of them just led me away from him and i made rlly poor decisions. i know i’m a bit blind to what he’s done and i have good people in my life now that show me that but i feel like everyone makes mistakes and i did too. i feel bad cause i said some hurtful things when i found out some stuff and everyday i wish i could tell him i’m sorry for it. i know i shouldnt feel the longing i feel for him while i’m in a relationship but my current boyfriend was one of the people i had in the beginning. the people i thought knew best cause they had life experience. although he was always by my side and held me through my hurt, i told him i wanted nothing like that with him and i was still healing. eventually i had to move out of my ex’s and i’s house and one of those friends at the time wanted to move out aswell. we roomed after my lease ended and pretty immediately this guy i’ve never met in the ten years i’ve known her starts living there. not just visiting all the time or sleeping there, living. mind you this home was 90% furnished with my stuff cause she wasn’t moved out on her own for the past few years like i had. he home while she’s not, constantly showering, cooking with my food and dishes, and i’m an open book i love sharing my home and life plus he was nice to her so i didn’t really care. but after the bills shot up a combined 200+ since the month before he wasn’t living there i asked if he couldn’t maybe clean and pay maybe 2-300 w month. she wasn’t happy with that and it caused some other fights, her threading me, putting photos of my neck slashed on the walls. i eventually had to get her mom involved cause she would block and unblock me to send nasty texts and we agreed she needed to live back home since she couldn’t qualify on her own anyways. i had to get another roommate and take over and atp my now boyfriend insisted. now i’m in a lease living with him.
i know it sounds horrible but i don’t know what to do. he’s great to live with and him helping me around the house has been such a huge stress reliever. but it doesn’t make my feelings just go away. everytime i would mention how i don’t feel comfortable being in a relationship he would say “it’s ok i understand” then invited me to his grandparents. i would say i need more time but then he would ask why he wasn’t enough. after a while everyone kept shitting on him for moving in with me while not being in a relationship. it wasn’t him ever “not being enough” it was me just not over my ex. and i keep trying to tell him that. little by little i tell him im unhappy, im miserable, i don’t want to live in this house. but every time he says we will get though it together and i just need more time. but i’ve been feeling like this for months. i have no one to really talk to about it and i’ve just been trying to wait it out, for it to get better, but it’s not.
so i I know what i need to do and what i want to do i just don’t know how. there’s so many thoughts and possibilities going on in my head. if i break up with him we work together so i see him everyday, we live together so i’ll either have to have him live in the other room or move out, but i don’t have the money to live by myself so i can’t even afford for him to move out. oh and he also doesn’t drive so i don’t know how he would afford all the ubers home, and i would most likely just take him to and from like i’ve been doing out of empathy. and what if he moves out and we are still working together? how would he ever get another job if he doesn’t have a car? i also just feel really bad. i think about how to let him down easy so he can be ok with it but there’s just no way. i know why people in movies act like jerks before so the other person isn’t so hurt but i know from experience that doesn’t work. he’s a great guy and rlly sweet i just didn’t want this.
i feel trapped. i don’t know what to do

This could be a long one. Or maybe it will be short, I don't know.
I am 24, turning 25 at the end of the year. Grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive household. Adoptee, orphaned at 11. I have now noticed that apart from depression and anxiety, I have been toxic and dysfunctional in my relationships (platonic and romantic). I have love bombed and put people on a pedestal without even knowing enough about them to categorize them as such important people in my life. I have had anger issues and had to apologize to my ex partners for outbursts that embarrassed them and was disrespectful. I have switched friend groups a lot because people have become distant towards me and after noticing it a few times, I just know when they are slowly removing themselves from my life and I do them a favor and isolate myself. No one has ever had a talk where they point things out and then proceeded to cut me off, but I think it is because they saw me as 1) cocky, arrogant, not teachable or 2) an adult that knows what they are doing - jokes on them, I did not. (Or third option, the mood swings that come with depression are not easy to handle for those around me. Everyone is pro mental health but also those struggling are often a menace. Anyways.) After leaving my abusive childhood home I felt “freedom” for the first time and went crazy! Too crazy, with no regards for others as I was feeding my inner child with all that she “missed” out on (attention, love, my own money etc.). I have created unnecessary drama by having two affairs with taken people. I did it out of insecurity and retrospectively, because I probably felt a high from them “choosing” me and did not understand that them choosing me was not a compliment. It’s not a case of having been outed on social media or so, more so, within my community I just notice people keeping me at an arm's length. When you post revealing pictures, dress a certain way, look for attention, post your partner (now ex) excessively (essentially trying to prove to the world how good the relationship is), at some point, people call your bs on how insecure you are and how much you base your self-worth on external validation and factors, how you have no sense of shame (not because you don’t care, but because you don’t know - low social awareness kind of thing). No one has come to me to call me out, but again, I am silently watching people be very careful with how they engage with me. And I myself have gone into isolation too. It’s frustrating as owning up to insecure, immature, toxic behavior does not mean it never happened. I have a severe fear of being seen/perceived now. "What if who they saw me as is who they'll ever believe me to be?" kind of thing. I am growing in self awareness at an age where I see many other people my age be further in their emotional maturity. I wish I was raised better. Good upbringing is such a privilege! I have been very childish in how I handled my reputation. Children don’t care for repercussions, I never did either. And yes I have found a therapist and psychiatrist on whose waiting lists I am on (but I am terrified to say the least as where I live I have to pay everything by myself and you guessed it - I don’t have good financial habits established yet and am scared to start therapy and possibly medication and not be able to continue treatment till I heal what is likely C-PTSD as these things are just highly expensive). Now that some enlightenment is happening, I am almost hopeless as if a potential partner did some searching, what they would find out could be problematic. These things did not happen at an age where I was a child, people actually expect me to be an adult. I am disgusted by myself and my former lack of integrity. I understand I find myself in a mess I single handedly created. This is a very short version of everything that has happened, that I did and so on.
How much hope is there really for me? I see a need to reparent myself, I would say I (obviously) was not raised very well under care and consistent love and have sought it in all the wrong places.
How do I undo life as I know it?
How do I come to terms with having to heal before I put myself back out there into the dating pool and even search for new friendships while I work on myself. I have been lonely for the majority of my life already and now that I know of my need to heal, I feel angry and sad that I may not be able to enjoy social connections for a while. Does that make sense? To protect others.
How do I accept that I can only heal from a place of self-love and self-compassion, not shame? I am currently in a severe depressive episode and already know that any doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist would probably focus on getting me to a stable mental state first. But I would prefer to go straight into learning new behavioral skills, healthy coping mechanisms and so on.. I feel like shaming myself into changing atm, which is funny as I want to stop pleasing people but am also changing amongst other reasons to be more likable by society?
How do I reparent myself joyfully? What can I do to enjoy this healing journey? Like seriously “re-raise” myself.
How do I forgive myself for the affairs (I’ve owned up to them to the women), the cringe oversharing, the skimpy outfits, the serial dating and so on? (without minimizing my home-wrecking)
How do I learn to trust myself, to trust that I don't f up any new relationship or friendship?
How do I measure when I am ready and healthy/healthier? What differentiates former red flags that turn into green flags from those that remain toxic, dysfunctional and so on?
Is it even possible to establish a sense of self and self-worth at my age? Should that not have happened by now?
What therapeutic modality would be best for me? Any therapists here by any chance? Can I even truly get rid of my baggage?
LOL: Men, would you date me based on what you heard lol? Given I have done “the work”. Please elaborate then what the “work” is. How do I redeem myself? I’d potentially also like to hear from the people that believe “people don’t change”. I’d like your view of things too if possible. Any comment and tip helps. Thank you so much.
Also: I newly found to Christ and would appreciate hearing from Christians too. From anyone really.
Please keep in mind that money is an issue unfortunately. I would love mentorship, therapy, to be surrounded by "elders" that can help me mature, are there any - idk- programs that are free?

I'm an INFP guy in my 30s, and am currently living with my parents temporarily while i get a new place... my dad is an ISTJ.
My dad has never been emotionally available, encouraging, supportive.. we never have had meaningful conversations literally ever... he has mellowed out *a little* since retiring, but still overall seems insensitive a lot.
A little backstory, the past few years have easily been the toughest of my life, some very traumatic and painful things I've been going through... my dad involuntarily and unjustly sent me to a psych ward because he was concerned that i was depressed... he spent tons of money to convince a judge that he had good intentions and as a grown adult, police forced me away for 5 days, which ruined trust issues with my parents and caused lots of mental problems for me in the seven years since...
my parents apologized after the incident and admitted they misjudged me and made a mistake in thinking i was depressed. stupid fucking move if you ask me.
Anyways, this past year has been incredibly painful, dififcult for many reasons... I'm just trying to move forward in life and turn things around... and it was just easier for me to move back in with my family during this time, which they allowed...
Most recently, my dad has been wanting me to move out very soon and he is very aware that this is the toughest, most pivotal, delicate, painful time of my life by far... i've told him to just be patient and not force me to move out...
Two days ago he calmly asked me if we could meet at the park to talk about my living situation, how he came up with a time frame on me moving out and that he wants to discuss it... which couldn't have been worse timing, as i just recently began working a new job and aside from this stressful job, i have a ton of very difficult things going on,
and instantly when i began talking about how i have a lot going on, he cuts me off and doesn't even allow me to talk... i ask him to stop cutting me off, and soon after as i'm calmly talking, he gets angry..
i then calmly asked him to stop being insensitive, and to be understanding that i don't know when we'll meet... and he said it has to be less than two weeks, and during the toughest time of my life, and with work and the countless other very painful and difficult things i'm working through, i just couldn't agree to a time,
and i said to please be patient, and starts threatening me saying "if we don't meet, i'm just going to make a decision and you won't like it", meaning he'll kick me out,
and i begin asking him to be gentle and sensitive, how i've been asking him this for years, how he's always been insensitive since forever, and he begins turning up his TV volume loud to drown me out, and i get more hurt and begin crying a bit, and he is just cold and insensitive,
and gets angry and/or shuts me out by turning up the tv volume...
the confusing part is, he has a four year old grandson, a sweet boy that is my sisters son... i'm the uncle.. and my as the grandfather, my dad is always gentle and kind towards him,
and here's me, a child at heart who always stayed true to himself and the little boy within him.. .i remained a gentle childlike soul who still loves the same things i did as a boy... climbing trees and playing outside, art and music... i'm true to the boy i was...
and then i began saying how i'm a child at heart and how he's kind to his grandson and so why not me? and he began turning up the tv volume again and not responding..
i then asked him to just be gentle, and i was very hurt and talking a bit loud and as a petty defense mechanism my dad goes "oh, you're being gentle?", because i was emotional and expressing my feelings a bit loudly.
i walked away into a different room in heavy tears, about 30 minutes later wrote a note about how i'm going through the most painful time of my life, to please stop adding pressure into my life, and how i'm a gentle child at heart...
and soon after i heard a very loud bang noise from the kitchen, and i walked in and saw my piece of paper i poured my heart into, and it was taken off the counter i placed it on with tape, and placed to the side on this desk in the kitchen...
so he got mad and banged the fridge or something, and took the paper and cast it aside, like me and my feelings...
i don't understand why he would be so harsh and cold towards me his son, who he says he loves, but gentle and kind towards his grandson.

Hello world! I am David. Like a thesis I'll start from the top: what am I here for? Why would I venture into the cesspool of Reddit - especially someone my age? Well, I seek a new person to talk to daily. That simple. Someone to share all of life with, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, one text at a time. Maybe we'll flirt. Maybe we won't. Maybe I'll throw my phone at the wall after a few failed conversations. We will see.
I live in Florida, USA, and work at a steakhouse as a servebartender. Been there for 5 years (though I've been in my profession for 23 years) and I make decent money doing it. I'm divorced, ENFP, sorted Slytherin, and according to the internet if I was a doctor I'd be the 11th? I haven't watched much Doctor Who, but I bet some of you have so there's that. I also have 3 kids. There! All my dirty laundry in one go! Let's see who made it this far.
In my spare time I build swords for real, but out of Perler beads. I also can replicate any pixelated image such as old video game sprites. I also have a serious thing for lego have a shelf in my sun room of everything I've built.
I don't care about your age or marital status, if you think we'll click then come chat!
INxJs to the front of the line.

For some context, Im expecting to make about 33k this year and have about 18k in longterm unrealized gains from crypto and about 8k in longterm unrealized gains in a UTMA account I acquired for my 21st birthday this year. From my understanding, I won’t pay capital gains taxes on anything that I make under 47k.
The reason I’m trying to sell the holdings in the UTMA account is because it’s in a mutual fund with a high fees that doesn’t even outperform the market (AIVSX). I’d like to put the money into some other passively managed etf.
After doing a little reading on this UTMA account, it seems that the gains (up to $1250 a year) made in this account are exempt from taxation. Im curious if I am able to stack this exemption with the gains made over the 20 years that the accounts been open. That way the 8k in gains wouldn’t be subject to any tax.
This seems like a headache to go through and get sorted if I try to sell. Should I try to talk to a tax expert?

I'm an INFP guy in my 30s, and am currently living with my parents temporarily while i get a new place...
My dad has never been emotionally available, encouraging, supportive.. we never have had meaningful conversations literally ever... he has mellowed out *a little* since retiring, but still overall seems insensitive a lot.
A little backstory, the past few years have easily been the toughest of my life, some very traumatic and painful things I've been going through... my dad involuntarily and unjustly sent me to a psych ward because he was concerned that i was depressed... he spent tons of money to convince a judge that he had good intentions and as a grown adult, police forced me away for 5 days, which ruined trust issues with my parents and caused lots of mental problems for me in the seven years since...
my parents apologized after the incident and admitted they misjudged me and made a mistake in thinking i was depressed. stupid fucking move if you ask me.
Anyways, this past year has been incredibly painful, dififcult for many reasons... I'm just trying to move forward in life and turn things around... and it was just easier for me to move back in with my family during this time, which they allowed...
Most recently, my dad has been wanting me to move out very soon and he is very aware that this is the toughest, most pivotal, delicate, painful time of my life by far... i've told him to just be patient and not force me to move out...
Two days ago he calmly asked me if we could meet at the park to talk about my living situation, how he came up with a time frame on me moving out and that he wants to discuss it... which couldn't have been worse timing, as i just recently began working a new job and aside from this stressful job, i have a ton of very difficult things going on,
and instantly when i began talking about how i have a lot going on, he cuts me off and doesn't even allow me to talk... i ask him to stop cutting me off, and soon after as i'm calmly talking, he gets angry..
i then calmly asked him to stop being insensitive, and to be understanding that i don't know when we'll meet... and he said it has to be less than two weeks, and during the toughest time of my life, and with work and the countless other very painful and difficult things i'm working through, i just couldn't agree to a time,
and i said to please be patient, and starts threatening me saying "if we don't meet, i'm just going to make a decision and you won't like it", meaning he'll kick me out,
and i begin asking him to be gentle and sensitive, how i've been asking him this for years, how he's always been insensitive since forever, and he begins turning up his TV volume loud to drown me out, and i get more hurt and begin crying a bit, and he is just cold and insensitive,
and gets angry and/or shuts me out by turning up the tv volume...
the confusing part is, he has a four year old grandson, a sweet boy that is my sisters son... i'm the uncle.. and my as the grandfather, my dad is always gentle and kind towards him,
and here's me, a child at heart who always stayed true to himself and the little boy within him.. .i remained a gentle childlike soul who still loves the same things i did as a boy... climbing trees and playing outside, art and music... i'm true to the boy i was...
and then i began saying how i'm a child at heart and how he's kind to his grandson and so why not me? and he began turning up the tv volume again and not responding..
i then asked him to just be gentle, and i was very hurt and talking a bit loud and as a petty defense mechanism my dad goes "oh, you're being gentle?", because i was emotional and expressing my feelings a bit loudly.
i walked away into a different room in heavy tears, about 30 minutes later wrote a note about how i'm going through the most painful time of my life, to please stop adding pressure into my life, and how i'm a gentle child at heart...
and soon after i heard a very loud bang noise from the kitchen, and i walked in and saw my piece of paper i poured my heart into, and it was taken off the counter i placed it on with tape, and placed to the side on this desk in the kitchen...
so he got mad and banged the fridge or something, and took the paper and cast it aside, like me and my feelings...
i don't understand why he would be so harsh and cold towards me his son, who he says he loves, but gentle and kind towards his grandson.