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So confused and struggling with depression over this

2024.05.22 02:29 fatcatloveee So confused and struggling with depression over this

Since I was about 28 all I wanted was to get married and have a baby. I wanted it so badly. More than anything. Just seeing babies I would feel that deep yearning. Baby fever I suppose. I couldn’t wait to nurture my kids and relive the good parts of childhood. Watch them grow with my husband as a team.
Then I fell for someone who is a fence sitter leaning STRONGLY no. If I had known this (I thought we were on the same page..we discussed it early on..but things changed..) I probably wouldn’t have dated him. We’ve been together 2 years and I am contemplating ending it now which of course is just depressing and crushing.
I’m 36 now, and I froze my eggs THREE times when I was 35 to give myself a decent chance of a baby or two from those eggs. I just knew if I was investing in that I had to get to a good “number” so I had no regrets one day.
The problem is, I think my boyfriend’s negativity and ambivalence rubbed off on me. I see so many painful and negative situations with kids and no longer have the rose colored glasses. Dealing with my niece and nephew when they cry is exhausting and not fun. But as a person, I am patient, nurturing, and have dealt with so many situations other people could not, I used to be a nurse in a children’s hospital and I loved my job. I’m used to taking care of sick children and it never deterred me before. I still had joy with kids and wanted my own.
Thinking of my kid growing up and struggling in school, having a mental health issue, a car accident or just being a jerk to me depresses me. Maybe it’s not worth it. Thinking of them becoming an adult and us possibly not being close depresses me. Maybe it’s just all over-rated. Thinking of never having a kid and growing old without loved ones around depresses me. It’s probably my worst fear. Thinking of never sharing the joy of my child with my aging parents in their final years depresses me. Thinking of leaving my boyfriend to have a baby with some hypothetical other man or a sperm donor depresses me. Thinking of staying with my boyfriend and never having kids depresses me. I guess if you’re reading this, do everything in your power not to end up in my situation. I know his ambivalence has influenced me, but I can’t help but think about both sides of the coin and feel like I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
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2024.05.22 02:27 Brilliant-Virus-4626 Can parentification lead to narcissism and how?

Hey everyone,
First of all, sorry if my English isn’t perfect; it’s not my first language. I recently read a post that connected parentification with narcissism, which has made me question a lot about myself.
I don't have a diagnosis that I'm aware of yet. I was in therapy five years ago for two years. Unfortunately, my therapist back then switched to another institute, which ended our sessions. For the past year, I've been wondering if I might be a vulnerable narcissist. I'm in therapy again, but this therapist focuses more on the future than the past. Everyone tells me I'm not a narcissist, but I feel like they only know about grandiose narcissism. This thought haunts me, and I've been wondering if my former therapist was treating me for narcissism. Here are some reasons why I think she might have been:
I guess these things might seem like the opposite of narcissism, but since I feel like I'm the vulnerable type, I think she might have been trying to treat it by helping me develop self-compassion, reducing inner conflicts with others, and maybe unconsciously acting less manipulative and comparing myself less.
I relate to almost everything I read in this forum, and I just read an article by @polyphonic_peanut about standing up for yourself, which raises my belief that I might be a narcissist. She also describes parentification, not knowing your own needs, and building your own fantasy world, and so on. I think these experiences can also lead to narcissistic behavior.
My concerns about narcissism started in my past relationship (not the one where I was afraid the guy would do something to himself if I ended things). I noticed a lot of my own toxic behaviors. I was extremely jealous, devalued everything he did and the people he liked (especially girls), had trouble expressing my needs and setting boundaries, so I tried to get my needs met in sneaky ways. I was controlling, moody, hot and cold, guilt-tripping, accusing him of gaslighting me even though I did it, picking fights, victimizing myself, and accusing him of having autism or ADHD because I couldn’t understand his behavior otherwise, silent treatment. I needed constant attention and got upset if he didn’t act as I expected. I even engaged in hovering, stalking, and other unhealthy behaviors.
Since then, I’m really questioning everything about myself, including every tear I cried in my life. Everyone things I am sensitive but I noticed that all my tears kind of go back to myself. For example a guy my age (27) in my small village died and I saw his parents 2 days after. I had to cry after I saw them but more because of the thought of how my parents would have felt if the suicide attempt one year ago would have worked… that’s self centeredness isn’t it?? Was it ever for someone else, or was it all for myself? On the outside I seem nice, but often I think poorly of people in my head.
I wonder if parentification can lead to developing a false self and narcissistic traits because you don’t know how to stand up for yourself and get your needs met in a healthy, adult way.
I’m also considering writing a message to the new institute where my previous therapist now works to ask her about me being a narcissist. I feel like she knew me well, and I was able to open up more to her back then.
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2024.05.22 02:26 fallenangel14x Mifepristone Heavy bleeding 14hours

I took the mifepristone and following morning was heavily bleeding and passing blood clots. All day. It’s now at 14 hours of heavy bleeding and blood clots. I’ve been having to change pads 3-4 times in one hour and switched to adult nappies because of the heaviness. I called MSI t and they advised to go a&e as I have heavy prolonged bleeding after just mifepristone ( havent taken miso 4 yet) bc i lost them and have appointment in morning to get them again ( within 48hrs of taking mife). Anyone else experienced this after only the mifepristone? I am at a&e now and the nurse who checked me in said well its pretty common and normal and downplaying it a lot.. however everywhere i read and MSI aftercare said it needs medical check asap due to how long and heavy .
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2024.05.22 02:24 ThrowawayRAKilluhhh ADHD bf is completely addicted to porn

My ADHD partner has a porn addiction and it’s ruining our relationship. If some of you don’t already know, ADHD is heavily correlated with addictions especially porn addictions as it’s a quick release of dopamine. He claims it's part of his illness.
It’s rather how regularly he is watching it (multiple times a day even when I’m there) and how he hyperfixates on certain pornstars to the point of obsession.
He has around 10-12 women who are his ‘favorites’ and he has downloaded pretty much every single picture and video of them in existence. Most of them are a good 10 years or more younger than me, and also do not look anything like me. He gets crushes on them and obsessively masturbates to them.
I also found out he was subscribed to multiple onlyfans women and only confessed when I confronted him after he used MY card to sign up for it.
What’s worse is nothing helps. His two main crutches are weed and ADHD meds. The weed makes him insanely horny, and the ADHD meds only give him a higher sex drive and makes him hyperfixate on porn. If I’m not there, he will often spend 8 or more hours straight just masturbating to porn. Even if he’s not using either of them, he’s still constantly horny. He's on high dose antidepressants but still has an extreme drive to masturbate.
I’ve talked to him about this multiple times. He basically told me he ‘can’t help being attracted to sexy women’, that he’s ‘an extremely visual person’ that he ‘can’t resist thirst traps and women acting and looking sexy’ and that although I’m his ‘favourite girl’, he cannot deny his attraction to other women and will never be able to stop looking at other women and using pornography.
He also shuts down and starts shame spiralling when I tell him it hurts me and he claims he cannot do anything about it. What also bothers me is he guilts trips me and DARVOs a lot, accusing me of not sending him enough nudes or not acting provocatively for him enough.
This is of course BS because even at the height of our sexual activity where I tried pretty much everything to please him and keep his focus on me, he was still looking at porn and sending money to random women.
At this point, I’m kinda sick of it. I feel unattractive, like I’m being forced to ‘compete’ for his attention, but every time I mentioned breaking up he threatens to harm himself and goes on a bender.
I’m so frustrated and feel like this man is taking years off my life. In many ways he’s a great partner, amazes me how extremely loving and caring he can be to me (and our dog), but he absolutely cannot shake off his addiction to visual stimuli and looking at other women. He says it’s part of his illness and always has/will be. I’m at a complete loss of what to do.
Sorry for the long post.
TLDR; ADHD bf has suffered with porn and masturbation addiction for last 19 years, hyperfixates on pornstars, admitted he cannot stop masturbating or stop looking at other women and will probably never be able to.
My self esteem is becoming non existent and it’s hurting our relationship although I love him.
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2024.05.22 02:24 FickleInstance9230 Can being very close to family be a dealbreaker?

So I (26F) just got out of a relationship that really messed up my self esteem and made me question if some things I think are normal may be weird. One of those is the fact that I’m very close to my family. So I still live with my family (which is like the norm for young unmarried adults in my culture, and no one can really afford to live alone either), and I’m very close to my parents, I enjoy spending time with them and I usually talk to them about what’s going on in my life. I’m also very close to my cousins which are all around my age, I usually see them 2 times a week. I could notice that this bothered my ex bf for some reason. Also, when I went to visit him (he lives in the US but is from my country), I called my parents everyday for a few minutes and he found it super weird, he even said I needed to “mature” a bit. Keep in mind I have a group of really great friends outside of my family, so I don’t hang out with them only.
Is this really so bad? There were some other things he said and did that made me feel I wasn’t “mature” enough but I could tell that this bothered him a lot.
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2024.05.22 02:22 DriverClassic8500 Finally resorting to being here.

Hi…this will be long. Heh, that’s what she said.
Well, I’ll start with where I am: Divorced, over my ex, barely see my son, 42, small group of friends, dating a divorced mom. My job is easy but boring. Live alone. Can’t have pets. That sums it up.
Eh, I screwed up pretty bad. I admitted to my gf I snooped on her devices because I thought something was going on. I was wrong. Betrayal trauma is some real shit. She’s giving me one last chance. But it came at a price having to rebuild that trust. She’s the sweetest thing. It hurts knowing what I did. I was married 16 years to a cheater and it warped me. I lost myself. The woman I did this to…I want her to be my wife.
My son is a good kid. So proud of him. My ex back in 2017 said she needed to leave for family reasons and we had major house repairs needed before we could sell. She left me there. Acting like that was normal. I missed over a year with my son. Contractor was backed up bad. I had my dog at least. And I was still able to take showers even if it was hose water. Lol you learn to take a hose shower in winter in under two minutes. In my down time I had nothing better to do than think about all the red flags my wife ever gave me and dig. Long story short I was shown a picture of her with another guy. Dude snuck his phone in our room.
The home got finished and sold. Moved. Tried fixing the marriage. Stupid mistake. Finally told her I wanted out and we both didn’t handle it like adults. She would joke and swipe men on apps while I was busy getting played by a married woman. How I fell. I’ll tell you folks right now…putting your integrity back together is easier said than done.
I don’t know why I’m here to experience all of this pain if I’m not strong enough or getting tired. I’m so tired. Don’t get me wrong I’m scared to end it. Life can be awesome and I look at people who have a great career, friends, family, marriage and I’m happy for them. I look at fathers who get to play catch with their son or teach him things, and feel awesome for that guy. I look at a marriage where two people don’t lie to each other and love each other unconditionally and think that’s amazing.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m tired and I don’t feel like doing this anymore.
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2024.05.22 02:22 FlaxbopFleetfoot 29 [M4F] NC/USA - Seeking Fellow Adventurer for a Journey Through D&D Realms, Animal Shelters, and Hockey Stadiums!

Hello there! Welcome to what is likely going to be a long, rambly post. I'm going to structure this as though I were answering job interview questions, because let's face it, dating is a glorified job interview for a relationship/getting laid.
Oh, and to save some of you the time reading this (though I did spend a while writing it mind you), I'm 5'5, and it's perfectly fine if that doesn't work for you. I have preferences too! Anyway...
Tell me About Yourself.
Ah, this one is a classic to start off with, glad you asked (or told me to elaborate? Same idea)!
First and foremost, I am a nerd. My favorite day of the week is Sunday, because that's when my D&D game happens (It's actually Pathfinder, but I say D&D because most people are not into the hobby), and this account is named after the character I play in that very game! Feel free to ask for more details at the risk of an overly excited explanation. I also play video games, usually single-player CRPGs, but lately I've been playing Hades and I like being on voice call when I do that.
Professionally I'm... still in school. Here's a lengthy, detailed discussion as to why that is: anxiety sucks. Phew, that was so lengthy, glad that's over! Anyway, I'm a nuclear engineering major and plan to graduate in 4 semesters. In all seriousness, I don't mind going over the full story once we're talking.
What are Some of Your Hobbies?
Lists are helpful for this one! So here we go:
What do You Want in a Potential Partner?
Someone who's not an asshole, shares some interests with me, willing to do some basic stuff (sharing a picture, voice calling, video calling eventually) and treats me with respect. Honestly, not a long list. Physically, I would prefer someone who's of a thinner-average body type as that is what I am. I've made exceptions to this before though, so if you feel that I'm irresistible and not entirely obnoxious, feel free to reach out.
What I want the most though? Just intimacy. I think that's what we all want at the end.
What do You Look Like?
I'm 5'5 as mentioned before, 125 lbs, white, brown hair, green eyes, and have glasses that might as well be made of aquarium glass. Hopefully that gives you a vivid enough picture for now, but an actual picture is worth 1000 words so once we've exchanged a few messages I can share that.
And that, dear reader, is the end of my hopefully well-formatted and not-at-all-obnoxious wall of text. Hope you enjoyed reading it, and I hope to hear from you! If I don't, have a great whatever time of day it happens to be in your timezone!
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2024.05.22 02:21 ShortReason1763 am i (25f) wasting my time with my unemployed partner (29m) of four years?

TD;LR my (25f) partner (29m) has been unemployed for nine months and relies on me financially but has given no indication of marriage or leveling himself up.
my partner and i have been together for almost four years (four years in june). our relationship this past year has been horrible. bad fights, him leaving etc. he’s been laid off three times since we’ve been together and for the past nine months i’ve paid 100% of all living expenses.
in the beginning of our relationship he definitely paid for most things but i always helped with groceries dates smaller bills etc. so it’s never been completely on him. i’m at my breaking point right now. i’m very serious about money and i also want to be someone’s wife. he has a gambling problem (used to be casinos, then sports betting, now it’s trading memecoins) where he can and has lost thousands of dollars at a time. he’s also made thousands of dollars at a time. that said, in NINE months he hasn’t paid a dollar towards any of our shared living expenses. i’ve sent him so many job recs, offered to make intros with my network, etc and he hasn’t done any of it. i work at a startup so sometimes im literally working 12 hour days; ive brought up how it feels like i have no support and that it could also just be him cleaning or cooking because i do all of that too (and honestly i would prefer me doing this if he had a literal job :/) and he gets angry and says he’s carried the load for so long…. i genuinely feel like it’s sexist and he refuses to see the effort and the monetary constraints im under. when he’s left i feel like he’s only come back because he’s broke. he’s asked me to pay for his vapes and i even paid off his overdraft on top of our regular living expenses this matters because well he made 10k last night and hasn’t expressed how he intends to help at all. i feel taken advantage of and like i can’t bring up money without him redirecting to another time i got upset or overreacted about something in the past or he’ll make jokes about bankruptcy etc which i find frustrating. he doesn’t come on to me either and is literally just on the computer 24/7.
how do i approach this??? am i wasting my time??? he literally never talks about the future and i just feel sick giving my literal dollars and effort to someone im not married to and like im a placeholder being taken advantage of by an adult child. what do you recommend? am i not being supportive which he’s said?
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2024.05.22 02:20 bxpoubelle Nmom and young sibling - advice?

My sister and I have a big age gap (sister is a minor still lives with Nmom) and I'm an adult and haven't lived with them for years. To make a long history of BS short, Nmom is very manipulative, can't trust anything she says/does. I absolutely dread talking to her and seeing her, but I have to in order to see my sister.
Has anyone dealt with this and do you have any advice in general? I worry how she will influence my relationship with my sister and affect me being able to communicate with her and see her.
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2024.05.22 02:18 AutisticTeacherThrow Autistic Burnout and Being a Bad Husband

Hey! So I'm really struggling and could use some advice from other autistic adults. For context, my wife and I have been together for about eight years now (married for one) and she's the best person on the planet. Genuinely my best friend, favorite brain to pick, life partner, and someone who I deeply love. She had ADD and I have AudHD, depression, and anxiety.
I just recently found out that I'm autistic in the past few years. I only found out because I was having frequent shutdowns and ultimately had to do some intensive outpatient therapy to avoid being hospitalized. Finding out that I was autistic was a huge game changer. It contextualized a lot about myself and my relationship. I also found out that a significant portion of my depression is autistic burnout (explaining why depression was medication treatment resistant). My partner has been my biggest supporter. She's spent countless hours researching autism, burnout, and trying to understand the way I work. In addition, she has picked up a considerable amount of slack around the house and is doing virtually all of our combined finances. I left my solid paying job to soul search and find something that would be more compatible with who I am. Unfortunately, truly taking time off was not an economic option.
Ultimately, I decided to follow my passion to become a teacher. It has been great, it's routine oriented, comes in spurts, always has an end date, and gives plenty of time off. I am looking forward to celebrating my first summer break of my adult life (and teaching career) in the coming weeks. The only problem, is that in addition to being a first year teacher I had to go through the certification process. This was extensive. I took a half dozen test, a bunch of undergrad classes in my subject, and 30 graduate credits - all in a little over a year.
This was a crazy schedule and, predictably, left me more burnt out. I have now graduated with my masters, finished the licensure process, and have settled into my role. Over course of this process my wife has been nothing short of amazing. As I mentioned above, she took on the lions share of the work and assured me that it was to help me get to the finish line, get better, and be able to recover over the summer. As time has gone on, doing all of this is starting to, very understandably, leave her burnout. She's made it clear to me that “just because an action has a negative consequence doesn't mean it's wrong.” However, seeing ten stress she has been under and her burnout increase has absolutely ruined my already shaky confidence and ability to feel like an equal partner. To be frank I haven't been one. I simply have not been able to. Everytime I try to add more housework, or even just little things for my wife like making her coffee in the morning, my burnout induced demand avoidance makes my fight or flight kick in. As we get closer to my break, the cracks in her facade of being OK with taking on such an extra burden has begun to appear. To be clear, I do not begrudge her for that. She's doing so much for us, and just for me.
I am really struggling to find things I can do to help her feel valued and to take back on more of the household load. I know summer about to start and things might change then, but the idea of taking on even something as innocuous as the litter box or dishes absolutely terrifies me. I want to do these things, and so much more, to lessen her load and make her feel appreciated but simply fail at being able to turn that will into action. As a result, this has made me very insecure about our relationship which only frustrates her more.
I really don't know if this is a rant or if I'm asking for advice - either way I appreciate you for making it this far. I just really want to be a better partner but feel so limited in the ways I can do so. I feel terrible as my wife will suggest things that aren't household load/management related like planning nice dates but my brain turns even those into demands that need to be avoided. In many ways I feel like I have become like an injured pet she needs to take care of rather than a proper husband. I hate feeling like this. I'm afraid that when summer comes I won't magically have more spoons and it'll continue like this. That will only make us both more frustrated as it's definitely not fair for her to be working, paying our bills, and doing the housework while I, uh, do nothing over the summer. I need to figure out how to step up and be the husband deserves.
Since being diagnosed, I have found so much autistic joy and many strategies to make my life better. This is truly the one area that makes me feel lesser than for being autistic. Even then I feel like I am just autisming wrong somehow and that this is a personal failing.
If you have any advice on how to set myself up for success, recovery, and being a better partner this summer I would love to hear it.
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2024.05.22 02:17 FrenchStephy Kamen Rider 555 20th: Paradise Regained interviews part 2: Shinichiro Shirakura (Producer) and Ryuuta Tasaki (Director)

Kamen Rider 555 20th: Paradise Regained interviews part 2: Shinichiro Shirakura (Producer) and Ryuuta Tasaki (Director)
Part 1: Kento Handa (Takumi Inui) and Yuria Haga (Mari Sonoda)
https://preview.redd.it/fafa1xy6bv1d1.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=7a66307c652ce75d4cbf4e46dfae53e0b7ea4ee9
First of all, could you tell us about the background behind the planning of Kamen Rider 555?
Shirakura: Until the previous work, Kamen Rider Ryuki, I didn't think that the Kamen Rider series would continue as it has now. Following Moero!! Robocon, we aired Kamen Rider Kuuga and Kamen Rider Agito, but that time slot was originally the broadcast time slot for Metal Heroes. So at the time, I was thinking "we'll continue Kamen Rider for at least one more series, and then go back to Metal Heroes or Kabutack-type series". However, Ryuki became a hit, and I thought "maybe we should continue the Kamen Rider series in the future", so we created 555. So, with a focus on going back to basics, we set up a modern enemy organization called Smart Brain to replace Shocker, and the Kamen Rider side also became centered around "a very strong single protagonist".
Tasaki: It's true that at the time, I had a feeling that "this series will probably continue", something I hadn't felt up until Ryuki.
I think 555 had many aspects that set the standard for subsequent works, such as the close-up action direction of the item's gimmick.
Tasaki: 555 feels like a further evolution of Ryuki's directing of (focusing the camera on) setting the card and unleashing the special move.
Shirakura: It feels good to see the process of replacing the Mission Memory every time. I think that's a clever piece of direction.
How did you come up with the idea of creating a drama that transcends the good and evil with the three Kamen Riders and the three Orphnochs?
Shirakura: During a discussion with (Toshiki) Inoue-dai-sensei about "returning to basics", he said it was common knowledge that "the original first Kamen Rider was originally one of the Shocker monsters, but that isn't really portrayed in the series". He felt that the relationship between the many Shocker monsters and Kamen Rider, who's a grasshopper man, should've been depicted more in the drama. However, when Dai-sensei said "I'm going to write three Orphnochs as the other main characters", I thought "Are you sure you can do that?" (laughs)
Tasaki: Agito and Ryuki didn't really depict the story of kaijin, they were simply treated as monsters. Therefore, 555, which depicts the story of the monster side, was breaking new ground, and I personally looked forward to each script written by Inoue-san.
In the second half of 555, it was revealed that Takumi Inui was also an Orphnoch.
Tasaki: The first time we revealed this was in Kamen Rider 555: Paradise Lost, but the scene where Takumi transforms into the Wolf Orphnoch elicited actual screams of surprise from the audience. Even though the first Kamen Rider was also a cyborg of Shocker. I felt that the basics of Kamen Rider were forgotten because of the illusion that "justice is right and evil is wrong".
Shirakura: It was decided from the beginning that Takumi would be an Orphnoch, and hints were shown many times in the series from around the time Keitarou appeared. We made basic settings such as "only Orphnochs can use the (Faiz) transformation belt", and from my point of view, I was thinking "is it okay to spoil things like this?". But the people watching at the time didn't seem to notice much. Even in an interview back then, when I said "it was decided from the start", people didn't believe me and were asking me "Are you sure?" (laughs)
Tasaki: We were actually surprised that people were so surprised (laughs).
A large number of fans also participated as extras in Paradise Lost.
Shirakura: We decided that with 10,000 people, we could fill Saitama Super Arena, so we recruited extras from the general public. Before 555, we had to send round-trip postcards to apply for extras, but if we had to collect such a large number of extras, it would have taken a huge amount of money to send back the replies. But around the time of 555, I realized that I could use the Internet for recruitment. However, at that time there were no cloud servers like there are today, so we built our own powerful server within Toei.
Tasaki: The server often went down every time the broadcast ended, so I thought it would be difficult if there were a flood of applications.
Shirakura: We received over 90,000 applications and 11,000 people participated, despite the harsh condition of "9-hour endurance filming". Since that many people would gather at Saitama Super Arena, we went around to the nearby shops and other places to say hello in advance. We even asked JR (Japan Railways Group) if they could increase the number of trains, but they turned down the extra service (laughs).
Wasn't it difficult to shoot with such a large number of people?
Shirakura: We shot scenes that required a large number of people in the morning, assuming that some people might not be able to endure the long filming or might get bored and leave halfway through the shoot. However, most of them stayed until the end.
Tasaki: I think the announcement that there would be a greeting from the cast at the end was also effective. During filming, we had two cameramen enter the audience seats and take documentary-style shots of the extras' expressions. The result was an uplifting video reminiscent of the documentary film Festival of Nations about the Berlin Olympics.
The final episode of the TV series ended with the King of Orphnoch not completely destroyed, and a development that hinted at Takumi's death. Was this flow decided from the beginning?
Shirakura: It was decided from the beginning that Takumi would be an Orphnoch, so I didn't think of an ending where he would "wipe out the Orphnochs and everyone is happy". I think that in Dai-sensei's mind, the moment the character Keitarou Kikuchi was born, he was determined to make him the goal (of the story). Keitarou is an ordinary person among the Kamen Rider heroes, the heroine Mari, and the three Orphnochs. Depicting the story of "the most ordinary person being the greatest" with such depth that it's like completely devoid of mediocrity is Dai-sensei's aesthetic, and what makes him amazing.
In this issue, we also spoke to Kento Handa and Yuria Haga. What were your impressions of them back then?
Shirakura: Handa-kun was only 18 years old at the time, but he already was very dignified. Before filming started, he was still living in Kobe, so he came to Shinjuku and we met. As we walked through the streets of Shinjuku, he explained to me "That's the ○○ Building, and that's the XX Building, and it has such a history". When I asked him "You know a lot, have you already been here many times?", he replied "this is my first time in Shinjuku", which surprised me (laughs). Even back then, I was a huge building fanatic.
Tasaki: Yuria-chan has a huge fear of heights, and she was also afraid of going up to places even a little high. I remember it very well because I have never seen anyone else so afraid of heights.
Both of them said "Back then, Director Tasaki didn't get mad at us".
Tasaki: I certainly don't remember being angry at them. But the reason they don't think they've been scolded is because that time Go Ayano (Aki Sawada/Spider Orphnoch) was scolded by director (Hidenori) Ishida has become so famous that they probably were simply thinking "we're not getting scolded that much" (laughs).
Shirakura: In order to train his actors, Ishida-san is acting like he is "flying into a rage" in a very easy-to-understand way. But Director Tasaki doesn't get angry easily, so maybe they just didn't notice (laughs). In fact, when Director Tasaki's language becomes more polite on set, it's proof that he's angry. Something like "the director is ending his sentences with -desu! He's infuriated!!!" (laughs).
Tasaki: They were still teenagers at the time, so there was no point in getting angry at them. But I often got angry at (Mitsuru) Karahashi (Naoya Kaido). He's the type of person who wants to be scolded (laughs).
Toshiki Inoue also appeared in the final episode as a construction site supervisor.
Tasaki: He had an aura that ordinary people don't have, and he was good at acting. But we've had to do several retakes. When he appeared on Avatarou Sentai Donbrothers, he talked about his memories of appearing on 555.
Shirakura: He said "It's tough being an actor because you have to wait a long time" (laughs). He also said "Directors are on set longer than that, so you'd get even more bored, right?", so if he hadn't had that experience on set back then, he might have said "I want to be a director, too!" one day (laughs).
Now, let me ask you about the new work Kamen Rider 555 20th: Paradise Regained. What was the background behind this project?
Shirakura: It all started when I heard that Handa-kun, Haga-san, and (Kouhei) Murakami-kun wanted to do it. If they wanted to do it, there was no doubt that they would appear. What's more, Director Tasaki and Dai-sensei were both working on Donbrothers, so I didn't have to gather all the staff (laughs). After Donbrothers ended, I directly said (to Dai Sensei) "Next is 555!" However, I was worried about what would happen if he still had a Donbrothers feel in him, and that Takumi Inui became like Tarou Momoi (laughs). However, he flipped the switch perfectly and wrote a story that was truly 555-like. In fact, I might have had more of Donbrothers left in me (laughs).
Tasaki: No, this work was made possible because Shirakura-san had 555 in him. Personally, I went into Paradise Regained following the flow from Donbrothers, and I was able to get into the process smoothly because I was able to speak frankly with Inoue-san.
What were you conscious of as it was a sequel to a TV series?
Shirakura: Our goal is to create a work that satisfies those who have been fans since the beginning, while also being worth watching for those who have only recently discovered 555. Handa-kun and other cast members, as well as the people who watched the show on TV at the time, have aged 20 years. I also wanted to give meaning to that time. As long as it's a filmed work, there's no point in simply having a reunion. "xx years anniversary" or "the cast wants to do it" might be triggers, but they alone are not reasons to move forward with a project. In this case, it also has a meaning as a one-off work called Paradise Regained.
Tasaki: I thought about whether to make it an "encore after the final chapter", or an "entrance to a new chapter" like Kamen Rider OOO 10th: Resurrection Core Medal. Having said that, it's also boring to make people who watch it get it too early. I tried to make sure that the story unfolded in a certain way so that by the time you watched it to the end, you would know in which category this story falls into.
Shirakura: 555 is originally a story about boys and girls whose future as humans was cut off and who become Orphnochs, and boys and girls who continue to live through life without becoming Orphnochs. But now, 20 years later, they are no longer boys and girls. That's why this sequel to 555 wasn't just a rehash, but became a story about adults.
Tasaki: The "story of boys and girls" depicted in 555 is played by Rena (Kuruma) and the other new characters. Though writing them in was also to declare that "Takumi and co. are no longer boys and girls", thanks to them, the 555 identity was maintained.
The Faiz Phone and Faiz Driver have also been updated to match the times.
Shirakura: I've been told by various people, including Bandai, that if I were to make 555 now, the transformation item would be a smartphone. In that case, I felt like I had do a new 555 work before a brand-new Kamen Rider who transforms with a smartphone came out on Sundays (laughs).
Did Shirakura-san give any specific orders?
Shirakura: I left the story to Dai-sensei, so my orders were for the structure of the story. How to depict the 20 years. And I don't mean how many years after the story is set, but how to incorporate the fact that the actors and audience are 20 years older compared to back then.
How do you feel about the cast compared to 20 years ago?
Tasaki: As expected, everyone has grown, and each character has matured inside them like wine. That Handa-kun and co. took the initiative and said they wanted to do it means that they must have allowed Takumi, Mari, and Masato to live with them for the past 20 years. So when it came to preparing their roles, we didn't have much to ask them, and they were able to play the aged Takumi, Mari, and Masato in their own unique way. Karahashi also did some strange things behind the scenes, like making the T-shirts and aprons for the costumes himself (laughs).
Were any of the young cast members who appeared in this work fans of 555 back then?
Shirakura: Rui Yanagawa, who plays Hisao, has been watching the show since he was a child. He said that Delta was his favorite Kamen Rider.
Tasaki: You have to really like 555 to be a Delta fan (laughs).
Shirakura: Also, he wasn't a cast member, but there happened to be another drama being filmed nearby at the time of filming, and the actor who played the lead role in that drama came to watch. When I asked him about it, he said he was a big fan of 555 and was thrilled to see the real Takumi and Mari (laughs).
Why do you think 555 continues to be so popular?
Tasaki: I don't know why, because each work is like my own child to me.
Shirakura: I think the character of Takumi Inui, played by Kento Handa, was very appealing. And every character in the show was acting weird, either intentionally or unconsciously. In the first place, it's weird to write 555 and read it as Faiz (laughs). Despite these strange aspects, Bandai created extremely stylish toy packaging, made a special light-emitting suit made for filming, and was extremely particular about the opening video. I don't think this work would have been made under normal circumstances (laughs). There was a moment when I suddenly calmed down and thought "is this really going to be okay?" But when I saw the scene in the opening where Takumi started walking away after getting his hair cut by Mari, I felt the extraordinary aura of the main character. That's when I became confident that "this is going to work!!!"
Lastly, please give a message to the fans who are waiting for the new movie.
Tasaki: In addition to the cast and staff from the TV series, Action Director Sanshirou Wada and Kota Nakamura, who was in charge of filming extras for Paradise Lost as a camera assistant at the time, were in charge of cinematography. New powers have also been added. This is a work filmed by such members, so please look forward to it.
Shirakura: Rather than "please go watch", I want to say "you have to go watch". And the more you love 555, the more you may be unable to see the screen due to tears. I too lost the ability to see halfway through watching it. However, it was made so that you can enjoy it even if you don't know 555. I would be happy if you could watch the TV series or Paradise Lost after watching this movie.
submitted by FrenchStephy to KamenRider [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:15 ElegantHovercraft116 I 23M stupidly texted Ex 22F and Parents saying stupid ish to both of them

TLDR: Irrationally texted my ex parents after a breakup saying mean shit about her no threats just emotional dumb shit. Regret how childish I came off and feel like part of my healing even to move on fully is apologizing to grow. But I don’t want to bother as other redditors have exclaimed I should be lucky no restraining orders have been put out or I’m not in jail. I admit I said ugly shit but nothing that comes to threats or harm. Lmk please
Ex texted a bestfriend behind my back ending of last year ruining the friendship. Broke up with her, during that time I rekindled with someone else while occasionally texting my ex still not back together. Felt like I missed the warmth of my ex and dropped the new girl going back to my ex fully beginning of this year. Missed the support and love from my ex that I never truly got. Girl told me ex about our dirty laundry, causing trust issues in the whole relationship. Trust me when I tell you I felt more than guilty. I balled my eyes out with her and not even for getting caught for the reaction she had and how fragile she always was to me. I mention what she had does because stupidly I should have left when I had the chance. Even other instances where she had initiated things, I knew it might have not been the healthiest but she showed other signs of real true love. Tried fixing them by removing girls, sharing location, etc. I felt scared my ex is gonna get revenge and started being distant at the end which pushed her away as well. I thought we would get back together as always, found out she’s been adding guys she removed a long time ago. I got upset and texted her ugly nasty shit, and texted her dad saying his daughter is nasty etc. I thought by doing this I’d move on quicker by burning bridges, he told me to leave them alone I’m being childish. I understand I fucked up and fully agree. She’s done things and I know I shouldn’t have let be, but staying and getting revenge wasn’t the way. I’m realizing that as the hours even go by everyday I think about it. I want to apologize to the parents for the lack of character I had because I never ONCE disrespected them in their house, to their face. I called them Mr and Mrs always and always asked if they needed anything. I talked to a close female friend who said this stuff needs time and I can apologize if I’d like and if it makes me feel better, or write a letter and burn it. My parents said that’s not my character and said apologize if you feel necessary as I wasn’t raised like that. I feel like it’s too late to backtrack on the stupid shit I said. Am I being selfish by sending a text? I just want this weight off my chest of being the shitty person at the end at least to her parents who didn’t need any of that.
Is it smart to reach back out to the parents to show respect as an adult or just let them be? I know this was a lot but it’s on my heart and brain everyday since. I know I was emotional for no reason as I had done hurt to her in the past too. Seeing her move on so fast is what bothered me but I see she wanted me to feel what she felt. I just feel bad sitting on the thought that I left her parents with such a bad image of myself even thought it doesn’t matter anymore just doesn’t sit with me. Help?
submitted by ElegantHovercraft116 to friendship [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:15 Mindless-Avocado1636 AITAH - Is me asking for transparency in my relationship actually me trying to control it?

I'm 39(F) and my partner is a 50(M). We've been together for 3 years, lived together for 2. I suffered severe childhood trauma and I began therapy 9 years ago to address my issues, etc. It has helped tremendously, but I still live with a lot of anxiety and PTSD episodes. I was up front about all of this when he and I began dating.
After we moved in together, I stopped drinking completely. I found that alcohol has more of a negative effect on me than a positive one. I never asked my partner to stop drinking. I told him it wasn't necessary and he was free to make his own choices. He rarely drinks now, but will go out to the bar every once in a while.
We have separate bank accounts, but I pretty much manage our financials so I have access to his online account. I also keep track and organize all of our receipts. A few weeks ago, I was sorting through his receipts and found one for the bar and I didn't know that he had gone out. When I found, I asked "Oh, when did you stop at the bar?" and he said "a couple of nights ago to see pictures of so & so's new baby, talked with the owners." and we had a simple, normal conversation about it.
Two nights ago, I scheduled a pickup order from the grocery store and he was going to stop on the way home from work to get it. They were behind and had to delay our order. He called to let me know that, but I missed the call. I called him back a few minutes later, no answer. I texted him and told him that I had just called , but he didn't answer and to let the store know that we would just pick the order up in the morning. His next text read "I didn't get a call. I'm heading out now. Be home soon. All of the pickup lines are complete full."
Which makes it sound like he's sitting in the store parking lot, no?
He gets home, I ask him how his day was, the usual.
Yesterday, I am balancing our accounts and I notice a charge from the bar on the night he was supposed to pickup the order. I texted him and asked "Where were you when you sent the last text?" He replied, "having a drink the bar, waiting for you to call me back."
We share a vehicle and I had to pick him up from work last night. On our way home, I asked him, "Why do I always find out about you going to the bar after it happens and never directly from you?" Which led us into a huge fight where he accused me of being controlling, he didn't know that he needed to ask permission to go have a drink after work, and that I was insecure for getting upset by it.
I tell him pretty much everything about my day. I ask him trivial questions about his all of the time, like "What did you have for lunch?" because I like to know stupid details like that. I just like having a conversation with my partner about anything and everything. Am I wrong to get upset about him not telling me about him going to the bar? If it's not a big deal that he goes, why keep it from me? Is this me trying to control the relationship?
submitted by Mindless-Avocado1636 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:14 Silver_School_9803 I (24F) been super overwhelmed / mentally out of it this week; am I crazy for wanting a little extra support from my BF (25M)?

I really never know how much context to give these stories to get a well rounded picture lol. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years, 24F & 25M.
He has a white picket fence life. Still lives with parents (we’re getting a place together soon). Has a really great job. Good relationship with siblings and parents, relatively no qualms besides chronic depression. I’ve had a diff up bringing. Broken home, moved out at 20/ have funded everything myself since 16, bumpy relationship with mom/ dad, good job(s), lives alone, blah blah blah. Diagnosed & medicated for bipolar, chronic anxiety and depression, etc., You get the picture.
To start it off, I’ve always struggled with depression/ anxiety but for the most part am super high functioning and medicated. I’ve gained a lot of weight from one of my meds so I’m slowly tapering off of it and I’ve literally just fallen into a deep depression. Go figure.
He’s also struggled with depression/ body image issues. Both of us have really worked to not let our mental interfere with us. Something we’ve really struggled with is his need to be in the gym for like 3 hrs a night 5 days a week religiously. If the schedule goes out of whack he gets down. Reddit users are pretty harsh but this is a pretty reasonable issue and I do empathize with him for it. I can’t imagine missing one thing a day and have my entire week thrown off kinda thing (I mean I can but you get the point). And no he’s not cheating lol. Sometimes I’ll post something related to the whole gym issue on Reddit and everyone’s like he’s gotta have another girl!!! Lol.
So to put it plainly; in addition to my meds issue, I’m moving. I’m so overwhelmed because yanno, mental illness plus something as chaotic as moving is ehhhh. I find solace in peace at home. I’m a very big introvert. And my home is anything but peaceful right now lol. I also have severe and chronic back pain, have since I was like 16 bc scoliosis, then recent weight gain, and my work desk not being ergonomically at the moment— so these back issues makes anything I want to do in life harder and adds to my bleh. Add in the fact I’ve tried many mattresses and finally had to bite the bullet and spend FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS on one (tempur). Just as I got ahead of my bills too. Fml. I work two jobs (doesn’t help the back pain). And I got rejected from a job I really wanted because of bullshit. I know the other candidate and she’s got no where’s near the experience I did. I can handle job rejection it’s apart of life but this one stung a lot because I was confident and so sure I blew them out of the water (I know someone in the department so that’s why I have all this extra info). So to lose it for virtually no reason besides the systems rigged, is fucking annoying. 3 (of the 8) people on my team at work are on extended medical leave and work has been CRAZY. I work in oncology and the doctors are so far up my ass because we’re behind despite me working OD overtime. Anyways. I went on a rant of all the shitty things rn bc I have a point to make lol.
Idk. I just expected my boyfriend to be a bit more helpful tangibly. Make my life easier. Help me with something. He’s super supportive verbally but like idk I just expect something more than what he’s giving me. Like take a day off of the gym and say hey babe ik you’re under stress let me help you. I’ll do your dishes. I’ll help you pack. Anything really.
He is helping me move and I’m grateful for that, obviously, but I just want to know if I’m taking out my frustrations on him because she’s the closest to me or am I reasonable for wishing he’d drop his life for mine?
Also note he’s taking Thursday- Tuesday to stay with me and help me settle in. I think what sparked this is because today he stopped by to go on a walk with me and despite me being in my pot of misery, he still went to gym. Seemed insensitive. I want to be babied. Ok maybe this is a daddy issue thing?
Pls no advice on compromising. I can think of a million ways to compromise and make both parties happy, I just really want to know if me being upset is valid. I haven’t brought the issue to him yet just because I don’t want to shit on his parade just bc my life rn is <. I really am open to constructive criticism so if I’m being a diva please tell me I need to hear it. My head is not on straight given everything which is why I’m here wondering do I even have a reason to be upset or am I being a lot.
And like we all know Reddit is a cruel harsh world but just try to take it easy on me rn I’m fragile lol.
TL;DR! Am I unreasonable for wanting my boyfriend to be a lot more helpful than he currently is because my life sucks right now?
submitted by Silver_School_9803 to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:14 ShortReason1763 Am i (25f) wasting my time with my unemployed partner (29m) of four years?

My partner and i have been together for almost four years (four years in june). our relationship this past year has been horrible. bad fights, him leaving etc. he’s been laid off three times since we’ve been together and for the past nine months i’ve paid 100% of all living expenses.
in the beginning of our relationship he definitely paid for most things but i always helped with groceries dates smaller bills etc. so it’s never been completely on him. i’m at my breaking point right now. i’m very serious about money and i also want to be someone’s wife. he has a gambling problem (used to be casinos, then sports betting, now it’s trading memecoins) where he can and has lost thousands of dollars at a time. he’s also made thousands of dollars at a time. that said, in NINE months he hasn’t paid a dollar towards any of our shared living expenses. i’ve sent him so many job recs, offered to make intros with my network, etc and he hasn’t done any of it. i work at a startup so sometimes im literally working 12 hour days; ive brought up how it feels like i have no support and that it could also just be him cleaning or cooking because i do all of that too (and honestly i would prefer me doing this if he had a literal job :/) and he gets angry and says he’s carried the load for so long…. i genuinely feel like it’s sexist and he refuses to see the effort and the monetary constraints im under. when he’s left i feel like he’s only come back because he’s broke. he’s asked me to pay for his vapes and i even paid off his overdraft on top of our regular living expenses this matters because well he made 10k last night and hasn’t expressed how he intends to help at all. i feel taken advantage of and like i can’t bring up money without him redirecting to another time i got upset or overreacted about something in the past or he’ll make jokes about bankruptcy etc which i find frustrating. he doesn’t come on to me either and is literally just on the computer 24/7. how do i approach this??? am i wasting my time??? he literally never talks about the future and i just feel sick giving my literal dollars and effort to someone im not married to and like im a placeholder being taken advantage of by an adult child. what do you recommend? am i not being supportive which he’s said?
submitted by ShortReason1763 to ToxicRelationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:13 longerdistancethrow I hate how horrible the presence of pretty people makes me feel

Thats all.
They look great and are just genetically blessed(face-wise, I know working out helps a lot). Unless they have some form of trauma they get to be confident.
I have a gorgeous friend, she’s nice, friendly, funny and everyone loves her. She gets compliments for breathing. It's to the point where my boyfriend- unprompted said «What's up with that»
I was talking to a friend of mine whom we have in common, and he used to have a crush on her, he started talking about how «all the prettiest people are most insecure» and how this friend is «the most insecure in the friend group.»
This is bs. She is one of my closest friends, and yes, she has insecurities, but still knows that she’s pretty. She’s able to stand up for herself, has self-worth, and is generally confident. She can allow herself good things and feel confident in relationships with very very attractive people.
We have spoken about this honestly and openly, so it's not just me spouting shit.
I have discussed mine and her insecurities multiple times, and hers are shit like «my ankles are fat»
Why is my friend placing pity and weirdly victimizing her when she is quite obviously confident? Why is it suddenly a competition of which of the girls is more insecure??
Half the girls in our friend group have worked through eating disorders, anorexia and bulimia, verbal abuse from guardians regarding our weight, etc. «But oh pretty girl insecure and doesn't know she’s so beautiful.»
the only indication of this is that she doesn't like showing skin. She can wear tight clothes etc. When I asked he said «Oh cause you can wear a bikini» Yeah, cause after years of starving myself and then suddenly gaining 10kg and being miserable I decided that I’d do my best to fucking ignore the fact I'm ugly as shit and have fun doing things with people I like instead. Doesn't mean I’m not crying when I see a picture of me from that day later on cause I hate it that much.
I’m jealous, I know that I’m salty af, and that's something I have to work on, obviously. But it just makes it worse.
Pretty people get to be pretty, beloved, complimented, and pitied, they always win, assumed best, and are confident, and because they're confident they’re often not jealous assholes like me.
Pretty people directly have a negative impact on me, and I know I should build myself up and get stronger and better, but its hard to get any better, when I see that I am always treated like trash compared to people like that.
Advice is welcome, but this is just a rant so…
(Yes, I’m another insecure woman hahah, so funny).
submitted by longerdistancethrow to rant [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:12 Craig__D What is appropriate protocol when someone picks up a bottle for you (and also delivers it to you)?

I'll try to make this brief, but I'm wondering if I'm making a big deal out something that really shouldn't be a big deal or if I am justified in being a little upset. Also, if the other guy is in the wrong, is there any reason for me to say something to him? The other guy's name will be "Bob" -- but that's not his real name, of course.
This past weekend I picked up a unique bottle (a store pick Jack Daniels' Rye) at the request of Bob -- a Facebook acquaintance who lives a couple hours away. I've picked up a few bottles for him before, and this request was not out of the blue. I didn't mind doing it.
My 24 year old son and his new wife were visiting with us for the weekend and would be passing through Bob's town on their way back to their apartment, so I asked my son if he would mind dropping it off on their way through Bob's town. No problem.
My son and I drove 10 minutes to the liquor store and back home, with no other objectives on the trip. I thought there might be a crowd waiting for the bottle, so I made the decision myself to go on the mission at that time rather than wait until later when we might have been out running other errands. I made the purchase and sent Bob a picture of the receipt. He sent me a Venmo that was a little short of the amount that I paid. The total cost was a $76.26 and he sent me $76. I was a little miffed.
On Sunday when my son and daughter-in-law were traveling home Bob coordinated a meet-up location that was right along their route through his town (how thoughtful of him), and they met up and transferred the bottle. There were no problems. That's the end of the story.
There are two reasons I am a little upset with Bob:
  1. He reimbursed me less than what I spent on the bottle he asked me to buy for him. I lost money.
  2. I though he should have given my son a couple of samples or a few dollars for his trouble.
I did not do the favor with the intention of making a profit... but I sure didn't plan to lose money in my bourbon account as a result of the deal, either! The amount of money that he was short on his payment isn't really the point. I can survive the $0.26 loss. We won't have to cancel the cable. But I really don't think I should have to take a loss at all.
Case in point: When my sister recently picked up a bottle for me in another state I rounded up to the next $5 when I paid her for the bottle... and that was my sister! This is my typical approach when someone does this type of favor for me.
I also thought it would have been a nice opportunity for him to be a cool adult to a younger guy who has a bourbon interest and give my son a couple of samples of some bottles from his collection. Bob knew that it would be my son dropping off the bottle. Instead he did nothing except to say "thanks" and also make sure my son didn't have to drive too far out of his way to drop off the bottle.
Is it too petty of me to be a little upset at all of this? If not, is it worth saying anything to Bob? He's not really a friend. He's just a guy on Facebook. (He IS the moderator of a sizeable statewide bourbon-interest group, for whatever that's worth.)
Thoughts?
EDITS: clean-up and correcting typos
submitted by Craig__D to bourbon [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:09 AJdKthrowaway Boyfriend wouldn’t let me read wall of text to friend.

Edit for info: i am 21 he his 23, met in 2021, been dating for a year. Fwb before that.
I might sound a little unhinged, but i guess I’m wanting to know if I’m in the wrong for wanting to bring it up to talk about it.
This morning, my boyfriend got a barrage of voice memos from a friend he hadn’t talked to in a while. From my understanding she’s a lesbian, but she seemed to have just gone through a breakup.
He played them out loud, it was probably 5 solid minutes of her talking, saying she wants to make music with him, and go to a festival together this summer. She also called him handsome within a string of compliments and she said that she loves him. She’s a very hippie, rave, spiritual kind of person. My boyfriend is more on the fringe of that ideology, and so am I. So the statements of love seemed like a very “we’ve been friends for so long, we used to do shrooms and have those experiences together” thing. (My bf does not use psychedelics anymore)
He despises responding to people, he seems to feel like he has to perform when doing so. So he was dreading responding to her 5 minutes of manic ramblings. He probably wrote for a solid 20-30 minutes. He showed me the bulk of text, not close enough for me to read it. It was multiple paragraphs. He made a joke about how he tried to match her energy, and use the hippie vernacular from his past. I told him half-jokingly i want to hear it, initially because i was curious to hear his attempt at a spiritual vibe. He dismissed it and acted kind of weird, he mentioned he didn’t want me to hearead it because or her saying she loved him and him trying to match that energy.
I dropped it at that because deep down i trust him, we had problems years ago before we were exclusively dating and he has made incredible efforts to make it known that he is devoted to me. I have a lot of anxiety about it, and he knows that. He has told me every time he has communicated with exes usually a “hey, we were dicks to each other, no hard feelings cool bye” or a “stop contacting me” i also know he’s not physically doing anything wrong, we are together every weekend, and he texts me incredibly frequently, we also have each other’s location. He is a home body who will go out once a month with one of his best freinds and thats it. Even then he texts me cute little pictures of him or drunk shenanigans (usually videos of him climbing trees lol)
But now that im home, i feel like theres a reason he didnt want me to read the texts, i thought she was a lesbian but in her voice memo she said her partner, which is what my boyfriend calls me since im nonbinary, but i know from experience he was quite the man hoe when we met.
I keep imagining senarios where he had a thing with her and was being a little too comfortable in the texts, or since he put in a lot of effort to match her energy that it was some sort of proclimation about how amazing she is and “YES! We should totaly hang out, you beautiful being” when he doesnt really treat me with that kind of adoration.
I want to bring it up, that im anxious about it, and i feel like our relationship has been so incredibly open that this is out of character. We pick our noses in front of each other, we’ve talked about trauma we’ve never told anyone about before, he’s shit his pants in front of me, theres nothing too intence or embarrassing for us.
Why did he not want me to read it?
Sorry for grammaspelling/punctuation, my phone overheats when i type too long so its hard to edit.
submitted by AJdKthrowaway to relationshipanxiety [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 02:08 GradeAScrewup It's been 2 weeks

Dear D
It's been 2 weeks since you broke up with me. 2 weeks since you told me you didn't feel like you could be in a relationship anymore. 2 weeks since my world crashed down around me. 2 weeks since the hole appeared in my chest.
You said you felt like you were toxic in our relationship. I wish you had talked to me about it before deciding. You said I didn't want to be around your kids. But I was picturing school dances and graduations and being there for them. You said that you felt it was all because of your childhood trauma. Yet you never wanted to discuss it with me. Yes I didn't push the issue when you would get close and I noticed you shut down I just wanted you to be comfortable.
In these two weeks you have isolated me from you. The one I love more than anything I've experienced in life shut me out as if I was a stranger. It's not no contact because you've still responded at times but the coldness is palpable from the messages.
I watched video of us returning from our date night captured by the security cameras The smile on your face felt genuine. The way you pulled me in for a kiss and kissed me so passionately. Did you know at that time that that would be the last time you would kiss me? Or did you figure it out when you went to hang out with your friends afterwards.
I've been looking online and so many of these posts hit close enough to home that I wonder if they are you reaching out to me. But then I notice that they're not. I just want to have a real conversation with you. Not one where you shut me out and mask up so that way I can't see your emotions.
My biggest wish is that you're willing to talk to me and we can work on repairing our relationship. Near two years all gone in 1 hour 2 weeks ago.
My therapist says that I need to contact you and give you your stuff from the house back but I don't want to. To me that feels like admitting that we will never be back together. Even now as I have your stuff in a box it bothers me that it's not in its rightful place waiting for you to come use it.
My second biggest wish after being able to talk would be that we could get back together.
How is it you could say you still love me, that it's hard for you to text me because all you want to do is flirt, that seeing me miserable makes you miserable. Those are not things said by somebody who no longer loves you.
I know there is little to no chance you are here posting things. I know there is little to no chance You're going to see this message. But just know no matter what I am here for you. I love you Amore.
A
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2024.05.22 02:08 StevenTB02 What do I do in this situation?

Guys, if you like a good story please read. I need help.
I’ll start with some back story. So I’m 24(m); all throughout my younger stages, I’ve never been the type of guy to just be good with girls. All throughout school I’ve never had a girlfriend and have been rejected numerous times. I was kind of a nerdy kid but just didn’t really know how to talk to girls. Anyways, fast forward to today I’m currently on my 6th relationship of 2 years. All the girls I’ve dated aren’t that good looking. Some more than others but a little chubby and what not… you get the picture.
This girl I’m dating lives about two hours from me and we met online. We’d see each other maybe a couple times a month but we’d stay at each others houses for like 2-3 days at a time. She’s 23. Things are going pretty good between her and I. She is absolutely crazy in love with me and she honestly would do anything for me. I honestly do love her back but not to that extent and she’s so sweet and nurturing and innocent. She’s also a bit overweight and still immature in some ways. I’ve tried talking her out of her habits and that only gets so far I feel.
Given my troubling and frustrating time growing up with no female attention I’ve come across a difficult situation now. About a month ago at my job a very attractive woman drove through my job (I’m a toll collector). We exchange the cash and right before she drove off, she handed me a small pink piece of paper with her name and phone number. We glanced and smiled at each other as she drove off.
Of course I texted her because she was very attractive and I just wanted to see what would happen. This woman is 35 years old with an 8 year old daughter. She’s honestly very beautiful and has almost damn near perfect physical features. Short blonde mom not, not overweight but not skinny either. She makes six figures with her job, her family is generationally wealthy, she owns her own house and vehicle. I mean holy shit I hit the lottery. But I told this woman that im in a relationship with a girl and that unfortunately I can’t be going out to drinks with her. We stopped talking for about a week after that.
A week later she texted me and one thing leads to another, she was fine with me being with somebody and she just wanted to go out for drinks. In my mind I’m like holy shit I just struck gold with a milf. Quite literally something straight out of a porn video.
This woman and I have been texting daily for about a month now. She even has been buying me drinks every day at my work when she drives through. She’s just so mature and has goals and everything you could want in a woman. In my head i want to think what she sees in me but I don’t want to ruin it either.
Is this an opportunity of a lifetime? What do I do? If I break up with my current girlfriend, she’ll be so crushed. In her eyes everything is going perfect. I’ll feel ashamed either way.
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2024.05.22 02:07 annakins02 In what ways did your confidence change after beginning your transition?

I've always been a pretty reserved, non-confrontational person. When I was a kid, I was very shy and well-behaved-- I never wanted to draw attention to myself or go against the grain, so to speak. My parents were very religious/conservative and older, so they adopted the mindset that children should be seen, not heard, etc. In many ways, I feel like the way in which I was brought up contributed to my confidence issues.
As an adult in their 30s, however, I've come to realize that my self-confidence has been basically non-existent. I recognize that there could be many reasons for this, especially within the last few years, since I've been struggling with almost debilitating anxiety and depression.
However, since coming out to my wife recently, there have been lots of conversations that make me think being closeted contributed to my insecurities in many, many ways. I've always felt a disconnect between my body and my mind/self. I don't think there is a picture of me that exists where I didn't feel incredibly awkward or uncomfortable because I didn't like to be "seen". I always looked at myself and hated my appearance because the person staring back didn't seem like me.
It got to the point where I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. It's still a little like that... but honestly... since being out to myself and my wife, I feel slightly... hopeful? Content? I'm not sure what it is, but I think my confidence has increased somewhat and I haven't really even started to transition yet. Even my wife has commented on it.
So, I'm curious-- how did coming out and starting your transition affect your confidence and sense of self-worth? Was it gradual? All at once?
For the first time in a LONG time, I think I'm allowing myself to be... happy. Kinda excited for what's to come... but also nervous.
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2024.05.22 02:07 Midnight_diary0525 33M and 28F - One sided crush… on a good friend… was I making up stories in my head?

He is a friend… He’s kind. He’s respectful. He is gentle. He’s soft with his words. He makes me feel safe and warm. He likes to have fun. He likes to travel. He loves his parents. He loves his family. I think he’s everything I want in someone. Minus the quiet and shy part but he’s definitely opening up in a fun and exciting way.. I met him through my sister and BIL. And we have been friends for 2 years now. They had originally wanted to introduce me to this guy but I said I wasn’t interested in getting to know anyone and from what they told me I had a hunch he would be someone who liked really pretty skinny slim petite girls. I wasn’t that. So they just introduced me to their whole friend group and we all just became friends. Our friends would casually joke about us being together when we all hung out as a group. Or if both of us were busy and couldn’t hang out with them at the same time they’d joke that we were secretly on a date etc. He never said much and just took it. I would brush it off as well not much thinking much of it since we were the only two singles ones… but There were times when I couldn’t tell if he was just being nice or if it was him showing me signs. But the more we all hung out the more I got to see what kind of person he was. I remember admitting to my BIL that I was kind of interested in getting to know him more now but I was really drunk when we had that convo and never brought it up again when I was sober cause I was embarrassed. He was supportive though and said I was a really good person and he thought we matched really well. The first time I admitted to myself that I probably really liked him, I was really hurt. i never confessed to him or anything like that but i just came to a realization… It took me so many years to finally love myself and appreciate every stage of who I am where I am and what I look like… but I realized I must have really really liked this guy cause I tried so hard to change who I was to see if he would like me or give me a sign. I tried working out to become skinny and I went out of my way to always hangout with this friend group. Our friend group was scheduled to go on a trip together. I told myself I’d see how the trip goes and really feel him out to see if he was interested… I thought I mentally prepared myself well enough but I guess I didn’t. On this trip I had mentioned a different girl friend that I wanted to meet up with with our friend group. I don’t remember how we got into this convo but I ended up showing him a picture and his face lit up. She’s a really beautiful girl who’s fit. He wanted to meet her too. So the next day my friend group met up with my other girl friend and her friend. This girl friend of mine knew about my lole for this guy so she was never interested.. I could instantly tell the shift in his body language. Keep in mind he’s a really quiet and reserved guy. But I could see the way he would watch out for her. Like her bottle fell and from across the friend group he told her she dropped her bottle. Little shifts like that in his attitude that made me realize what he was like if he was interested in someone… any way fast forward we started walking around and at one point my girl friend’s friend(who I just met that day as well) randomly asked him if he liked me. I was right in front of them. But I heard. With no hesitation in his voice he said no she’s like my sister… my heart fell to my stomach… the first time in 6+ years after my last relationship that I was allowing myself to like someone again and I got sister-zoned… if I’m being honest it really hurt my self esteem. I worked so hard to really love myself and I felt like I was a good person who was funny and kind and selfless and giving and family oriented(I’m not just trying to boost my ego lol almost all the people In my life has said these to me before) but the first person I allow myself to like in so long has no interest in me. All the little clues I got were stories I made up in my head. I prided myself on being good at reading people.. but it was really all in my head… anyway I just pretended like I didn’t hear anything and continued with where I was going. I realized then that he was just nice to me not interested in me. After that trip he started talking more to the friend group about the girls he had asked out on dates and the kind of girls he liked and how his dates went. Then I really realized I prob was just like a sister to him. And he’s was just like any other guy.. the ones who likes pretty skinny girls. He would talk to girls that weren’t the best people but they were really pretty and skinny. After that I tried to stop myself from continuing to like him so I distanced myself from the friend group. Just a little bit. But I also started a new job so that also prevented me from seeing them too often. I noticed myself think about him less and being less effected by his dating life. I felt good again. Just really focused on myself and reminded myself to stay true to who I am so I can attract my person to me. But just this past weekend… we went on a trip together again. I really thought I was good! He really has just been feeling like a friend. But this trip was only my sister and BIL and him and I. Everything seems to be going great I played wing woman for him and helped him meet girls! But I think I realize.. I really do like him. Like I like him probably a lot more than I thought. Yes I played his wing woman and I wasn’t very jealous or anything like that.. I know i was hella cute on this trip and I know I’m a good person. But the whole time I when he was talking to girls.. I didn’t wish to be them.. I just wished he’d see me. I introduced those girls to him to see if he would choose me.. even with a married girl with 3 kids who says she’s in an open relationship and who is older than him he didn’t choose me. We got into a deep conversation about his last super toxic relationship and about the kind of woman he wants. He named everything I am(traits about myself that others have said about me not just what I think about myself). I kept listening and realized the only thing that prob would make me not fit to be his ideal woman is because I’m a bigger girl. Anyway I guess moral of the story is that I just really like this guy who prob doesn’t see me anymore than a sister. And I can’t help it that I’m not the one he’s unwilling to choose. I just have to stay true to who I am. And I will naturally attract my person to me.
Also I don’t think I am delusional and obsessive. I have kept a good distance and I have never crossed any boundaries of friendship. I just had a lot of people we know question why we weren’t together and many people always said they thought we are a good match.. but I’m just not the one he is choosing to have. And maybe it’s time I accept that.
What do you guys think? Idk what kind of validation or answers I’m looking for I think I just want to share my pain and heartbreak as 28 year old who will prob stay single Forever because this one sided like was Kind of painful. lol
submitted by Midnight_diary0525 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


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