3+yr long hauler.
I’m just leaving a Rhuem appt I knew would be a waste of time going in, but despite no real improvement over the years I remain hopeful someone somewhere one day will say the magic words.. OMG! I know exactly what this is and exactly what to do about it! #wishfulthinking _O_/
This was obvs not the case today. My biggest question is do I take the time to find another Rhuem, either more well versed in long covid research (when asked if she works with long covid patients her response was no with a side eye) or just a better all around communicator- she just kind of listens to me talk, types, tells me she’s going to order some labs and leaves the room.
If there’s not much a Rhuem can do with us, I’m not sure if it’s worth the time.
Background of you’re interested, totally skip it and answer if not!
I tested positive for autoimmune in 2017 with no specific “type” diagnosed. The only guidance I was given was reduce stress, consider vegetarianism (I already late minimal meat and transitioned to pescatarianism shortly after diagnosis), and begin to make changes that allowed me to honor my fatigue vs push thru which is all I’ve ever known.
Fast forward to March 2021 and I got Covid just before vaccines were released. Wasn’t hospitalized but I was a zombie for months, began to come to and got walking pneumonia in July and have never been the same since.
Fatigue, pain, brain fog were the biggest issues, followed by 5 million other symptoms. I’ve seen drs in SoCal and St Louis at the Wash U long Covid clinic, genetics, ENTs, Nuerogist, tested for POTS, MCAS, Nueropathy (tested positive for small fiver Nueropathy). Gone through all the therapies- speech, occupational, physical, therapy therapy, acupuncture, medical massage therapy, infrared saunas, meditation, take LDN (which did mark some improvement as did pacing techniques I began last summer) during short term disability leave) so increased baseline but then just hit a plateau. Fatigue, fatigue, more fatigue, and pain are the 2 biggest remaining issues. Ive seen significant improvements in basic communication brain fog that I maintain until I push too hard at anything.. cognitive or physical, still have to re-read intensive text including most of the material on long covid research).
At present I don’t feel like anyone’s left me with a treatment regime, realistic next steps, set expectations etc. so you go, you talk, you float until you go and talk again.
The Rhuem ordered another work up of the same panels she ordered upon my initial visit. ANA stuff. Previous panel results indicated lupus and sjogrens but it stops there- indicated, not diagnosed. which I’m ok with if long covid is what’s causing those markers. But no one says that either. I’m no longer working and my insurance runs out in Sept so I’m more pro tests than anti at this point since it’s gonna get a little funky in a few months.
Anyway.. I’m exhausted lol. Thanks for listening, and for all of your posts, questions, explanations, and support of each other on this platform. It gives me life, literally. And I’d be so alone without these communities of like minded individuals trying to live their best lives despite every effin obstacle being thrown in our path! We are awesome and we deserve more, more of everything, consideration, support, accommodations, accessibility, funding, research, guidance, truth, communication, follow up, time, money, peace of mind, empathy. I would keep typing but I must nap now. Love yall

Connor made his way up the mountain path, his escort ordered to stay at the base of the mountain until he returned. Connor had been here before with his father many times, as did his father and his father before him, this trail was made with generations of his family’s sandal prints, and he was accending it once more, to speak to the man at the top.
When Connor reached the top, he saw a cabin, simple and humble, with a chimney smoking at the top. Looks like he’s home, Connor thought, and knocked on the door. The door opened to see a man who appeared to be in his mid twenties, with dirty blond hair cut short and green eyes, a bit of stubble growing on his face. This man looked the same as he had when Connor first met him as a boy, and according to his father he has never changed in appearance through the generations of Guilliman’s who have known him.
“Ahh, Connor! Welcome my friend! Come in, come in…” The man says, waving his hand to come in. “It’s only been a few years since you’ve last visited, you already have military problems?” The man asked, a bit of teasing in his voice.
“No Honored Centurion, not at the moment at least…” Connor said, dipping his head out of respect for the man who had aided his family in military matters for generations. “I have come-“
“Please Connor, there is no need for formalities, we are but two men up here, there is nothing dictating manners or protocol.” The Centurion said, siting at the table in the center of the cabin casually.
“I understand, but it’s a matter of respect for me Centurion.” Connor said, and the Centurion simply shrugged. “But like I was saying, I have come for a favor…”
The Centurion could sense the seriousness that Connor was saying these words, and straightened up in his seat to listen more intently. “Go on…”
“… I have made many enemies you see,” Connor says, “I know there are many who already plan my downfall, and I worry I won’t be long for this world soon…”
The Centurion’s face grows with concern. “If that is the case, we can start taking steps to make sure you’re-“
“With all due respect, Centurion…” Connor interrupts, “I am not the one who needs protecting.” Connor takes a breath before continuing, “… I have a daughter,” the Centurion’s eyes widen with surprise, “we found her in some sort of pod, and I’ve taken care of her as my own. She is… special, more than any of us I wager. She has grown faster than normal and she towers over every other person. She is also smart, so very smart… I am proud to call her my daughter…” Connor says with a smile radiating with pride.
“I see. She sounds like quite the lady.” The Centurion says, though there’s a slight edge in his voice, almost cautious, but it’s only there for a moment, it was probably nothing. “So, I’m guessing this daughter of yours is the one you want me to protect?” The Centurion ask.
“Not so much protect, she is plenty capable herself, but she is still young, and I would appreciate it if you were by her side to help her.” Connor says, and looks out the window for a moment. “… She will be the one to realize everything I ever envisioned, and spread it out to other worlds, my Ultra Astra…” Connor looks at the Centurion once again. “Please… Will you do this for me? Will you look after my Juno?”
The Centurion is silent for a moment, as he ponders what Connor is asking. He had secluded himself upon this mountain in order to get some peace, serving as a military advisor when the Guilliman’s needed him as thanks for helping him remain secret…. But the truth is, he had eventually began to hope and look forward to their visits, and found himself itching to be more than a advisor. Despite his want for some peace, it seems that’s just not something he can do for very long. “…. Very well. I will look after your daughter, and assist her in any way I can.” He says, “But do me a favor, and introduce me as the son of an old friend, I think it would be best as to not overwhelm her with my true nature.”
Connor smiles gratefully at the Centurion. “Thank you, Honored Centurion.”

Here are my 9 ideas for future novels and the authors that would be perfect for them.

1. The War of Beginnings Trilogy by Joseph Staten:

the first book would cover the first half of the war between the Sangheili and the San' Shyuum mainly covering the events from The Desecration of Ulgethon to the Raid at Codisfold, The second book would covers the events in the aftermath of the Raid at Codisfold and included other events like when The Sangheili warrior priests reluctantly begin using the forerunner relics to improve their warships, arms and armor. ending with the beginning of the Battle of Sanghelios. The Third and Final book would cover the full Battle of Sanghelios, Breaking Shadow a coup d'etat against Pervading Stone, and the signing of the Writ of Union.

1. a Game of Thrones style series of books set during the Blooding Years by Troy Denning:

I think the Blooding Years are a very important war in the Halo Universe but they were barely touched by 343. We saw the start in the Kilo-Five trilogy and the end in Halo 5 (well technically the true end of the war will be in the third Onyx book) but we know nothing of all the battles and politics that take place in-between. Troy write Sanghelil politics very well and I think he is perfect to write this series covering the full period as only see the beginning that we see in Kilo-Five Trilogy.

1. A Darth Plagueis style novel for The Prophet of Truth and Tartarus by Joseph Staten:

Somewhat of a continuation of the Covenant plot line from Staten's first novel Halo Contact Harvest as not only we get to see Tararus rise to the ranks and eventually becoming Chieftain of the Brutes but also getting to see how The Prophet of Truth's plan develops as well as general Covenant politics.

1. A Novel about the First Immolation and the integration of the Brutes into the Covenant by John Shirley:

For those who don't know, the First Immolation describes the planet wide nuclear civil-war that engulfed the Brutes and ended in apocalypse just shortly before their discovery and subsequent integration into the Covenant.
Much like Broken Circle gave us insight and perspective on the founding of the Covenant, and the tensions that lingered until its collapse, I think diving deeper into this period can give us further insight into Jiralhanae/Sangheili relations from the onset, and why the Jiralhane were so quick to accept Covenant religious doctrines and technology (potentially viewing this incoming alien race as saviors from their own destruction).
I also think it's an interesting notion that the Brutes were around our current present day tech level (nuclear weapons but confined to their home system), upon their discovery by the Covenant, and less advanced than humanity was at the time in 2492. However unlike humanity who managed to avoid nuclear war, knock on wood, the Brutes succumbed to it due to their own innate nature. I've always found intelligent Brute characters and leaders such as Atriox, Castor and Hekabe incredibly interesting, so I'd love to gain some insight into their pre-Covenant politics and what lead them to the path of war.

1. A Young Adult Novel about Miranda Keyes by Beth Revis or Claudia Grey:

This one is a bit hard choice because I really loved Beth Revis Star Wars Rebel Rising which was a novel covering Jyn Erso life in the 13 year gap from the prologue when she was rescued by Saw Gerrera to when we see her in Prison at the start of Rogue One. What I like about Rebel Rising is that it is a very dark novel despite being young adult. That said I really loved Claudia Grey's own Star Wars work like Lost Stars and Leia: Princess of Alderaan the latter of which I could a Miranda novel having a similar format.
Regardless who would be the author the novel would take place around after 2541 to 2550 C.E. as the former was the year that Miranda was accepted to the Academy at Marie Nubium pre-enlistment training at age 16, making her the second-youngest to ever have attended the school. After graduating with honors, she immediately requested assignment to active duty.
The Novel would begin where Miranda is assigned to the UNSC Hilbert, an older, unarmed science vessel patrolling the outer reaches of UNSC-controlled space. This was due to her mother's influence, who wanted to keep Miranda out of harm's way. Nevertheless the ship would be used by Keyes to play a critical role in the Battle of Gamma Pavonis VII, (In which we would actually see this battle in this book.) by ramming the Hilbert into a Covenant destroyer. In the following years that the book would also cover is Miranda's time in the front lines, playing a crucial advisory role in the coordination of several major offensive strikes against Covenant targets. This proved invaluable to her as she quickly rose through the ranks of the UNSC. Throughout her career, she was forced to confront accusations of nepotism from those who ascribed her rapid rise in rank to the position and influence of her father, Jacob Keyes.
Throughout the book, Miranda resentment her estranged mother, there would be a scene in the book where while she was a Midshipman, she sent her mother a message, stating that she was somewhat aware of what Dr. Halsey had done. (the Book would explain how did she learn about this classified information.) She promised to keep who her mother was a secret, simply because she didn't want her father associated with what she had done. She ended the message promising to make sure she would take after him.
Anyway the book would end around April 2550 where Miranda is promoted to the rank of Lietuenant Commander in a promotion ceremony at downtown Quezon on Reach. in which Fleet Admiral Terrence Hood also personally awarded her the Silver Star, and it was announced that she would assume command of the Amber Clad.

1. A Thrawn-esque novel about Atriox by Troy Denning or Timothy Zahn himself:

A dedicated novel on Atriox who is more of a Thrawn equivalent in the Halo series as a brilliant, cunning commander who is largely explored from the perspective of other characters (Eli Vanto in the Canon Thrawn novel, Captain Pellaeon in Legends IIRC) as the Rise of Atriox comics explores Atriox's own rise from the perspective of his enemies, those who tried to execute him to those who would become his allies.
But while Rise of Atriox does a solid job at establishing Atriox's rise, there are several "gaps" that need to be filled where a Atriox-centred novel could help, such as Atriox unifying the Jiralhanae clans across Doisac and the Jiralhanae colonies as the Nanished expand without the Covenant empire imposing on their rise to providing deeper insight as to why Atriox made his plays at the Ark and Zeta Halo. Even Atriox's origins are a mystery, such as what skein he may have been associated with to Escharum's mentorship to a young Atriox to Atriox serving as a member of the Bloodstars with Castor.

1. a series of one-off novels covering lesser known battles and engagements of The Human Covenant War:

Give us the full accounts of Battles such as The Battle for Tribute, The Defense of Mars, The Battle of Meridian and of course The Full Battle of Earth (covering events that didn't see in Halo 2, ODST, Uprising, and Halo 3.) give us points of views from not the spartans but from the marines think of Band of Brothers but maybe a flair of Andor.

1. A Horror Novel about The Fall of High Charity by either Joseph Staten or Tessa Kum and Jeff VanderMeer (the latter two are the authors of The short story Mona Lisa.

I would love a book about the fall of High Charity. How the Prophets reacted to the surprise outbreak and the Flood, the Prelates rescuing them, the civil wacomplete collapse of the Covenant society, their capital being transformed into a hive and the population being trapped inside.

1. A Third Anthology book by various authors:

Not sure about the rest of the stories but the one I'm currently thinking about is a full story about the Battle of October 10 about the short engagement of Battle Group Rhino of the UNSC Navy's Third Fleet and the unknown ship that resulted in the loss of UNSC Totem Lake. It mostly from the perspective of the UNSC so the mystery of who is this unknown alien threat would be preserved as not everything have to be explained just keeping mystery with the short story mostly from the UNSC's perspective you could have panic and fear within the fleet especially those on the Totem Lake.

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

• They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
• They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
• They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
• They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those of us in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

1. It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

1. ‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

• Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
• There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
• Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

• Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
• More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

• https://www.b4uact.org/
• https://asapinternational.org/index.php/introduction/about_asapinternational
• https://www.stopitnow.org/
• https://safersociety.org/store/live-online-training-providing-treatment-to-minor-attracted-people/
• https://theglobalpreventionproject.org/maps

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

• https://virped.org/
• https://www.mapresources.info/
• https://mapsupport.club/

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

I stared, mouth dry, heart pounding, at the message from my boss – That awful combination of words that my coworkers and I pray we never see:
“You’re in the running for Employee of the Year.”
For him to send something so callous via email – that was just rubbing salt in the wound.
My eyes glazed over the wall of text that followed. I didn’t need to read the details – I’d cleaned enough of the prior winners off the walls and ceiling of the soundproofed breakroom to know exactly what the award entailed.
After that initial, deep pang of fear faded, denial flooded in to take its place.
I wasn’t just hitting my sales quota, I was blowing it out of the damn water – selling big ticket items daily. I never forgot to place the stickers with my barcode on the products, either, so when my customers checked out and it was scanned at the register, the sales should’ve automatically been linked to my employee ID.
We don’t receive commission – there are other ‘incentives’ to keep our sales up. I hadn’t been watching the numbers because I knew I was making sales left and right – I would've never even dreamt that I was at risk.
It was just a glitch with our computer system, I decided with a nervous laugh. It had to be – something IT could probably sort out in no time.
When I finally regained control of my legs, I wobbled to my manager’s office.
There was no miscalculation, he assured me. It was my employee ID that ranked at the bottom.
“The barcodes never lie, Graham.” He didn’t even bother making eye contact.
I was circling the drain figuratively, and if I didn’t get my shit together – literally – soon enough.
I begged him to review the camera footage – I knew he'd be able to see me making all those sales. “Don’t worry,” he added, with a smile vacant of anything remotely resembling happiness, “One way or another, we all contribute to the success of our company.”
I suppose that by then, he was long desensitized to the pleas of the desperate.
As I left his office, I assured myself that this wasn’t a death sentence.
Not yet.
I had another month until they recalculated our final standings, before shit would get real. Before I’d be given a limp handshake and an empty ‘Thank you for your devotion to the company’ as I was led down the hallway. Before I’d meet what lives behind the usually padlocked door in the shadowy corner of the breakroom.
Before I’d learn what it truly meant to sacrifice myself for the good of the company.
Word spread fast around the office.
Kevin gave me his smug, shit eating grin – maybe he thought that with me out of the picture, he’d finally have a shot with Elise.
Elise… I just desperately hoped that hers wouldn’t be the name drawn afterwards – the one selected to hose what’s left of me off the breakroom floor and down the stained, rusty drain.
As required, I began parking in my new designated space at the far end of the employee lot – the faded sign indicating ‘Reserved for Employee of the Year’ nearly swallowed up by the encroaching tree line. It added an extra ten minutes to my walk to our store, and I dreaded that added time in the oppressive Texas heat. The rational part of me knew that was soon to be a moot point, though.
One way or another, in another month, I wouldn’t have that parking spot. If I were lucky, I’d live to see another summer – live to see some other poor bastard’s car parked there.
If they hadn’t already heard the news, when the rest of my coworkers saw my car in that space, they knew what it meant. Don’t get too attached.
They started avoiding me like the plague. I didn’t blame them.
We all knew what would be coming next if my sales didn’t improve – it's the same thing that happens every time:
We’d gather for the mandatory meeting on the closing night of the fiscal year, all eyes on the sorry son of a bitch that had ‘won’ – the room so quiet that you could hear their muffled sobs. They’d receive what barely constituted a handshake from my manager while he muttered – dead-eyed – his appreciation for their devotion to the company.
Next, they’d be ushered off to the breakroom to meet ‘corporate’. No one tried to run – not after what happened in '19. Instead, the winner would always turn back, shooting us a desperate, final look – eyes pleading for someone, anyone, to intervene. And, of course, no one ever did.
Once the door closed behind them and that sound-proofed room swallowed up the last of their sobbing, begging – it was over. The rest of us would be sent home and I'd try to shower away that disgusting feeling – that sick sense of relief that someone else was sent to their death, and not me.
Cal – the nicest guy I’d ever met – he was the bottom performer two years ago.
He’d fallen so ill that he’d nearly wasted away and eventually, couldn’t work anymore. He must've thought that freed him from his contract – if he left, if he never came back into work, he’d be okay.
He must not have read the fine print in our hiring paperwork.
Although, to be fair, if any of us had read it, we'd never have signed it in the first place.
Cal was a warning to the rest of us, that there is no quitting in our line of work. If they have to track you down and find you (and I promise you that they will find you) – well, wouldn’t you prefer to go with your dignity, with the company compensating your loved ones – rather than be pulled from your home, kicking and screaming into the night?
Gina was employee of the year in 2023. Gina, with the kind smile, whom Kevin had set his sights on before Elise – and, just like Elise, she wanted nothing to do with him.
I still remember that day, the day they released the final numbers. The way Gina’s mouth hung open in confusion, shock.
When she finally managed to form words again, she too insisted that there must be some mistake. We all vouched for her to management – I’d personally seen her make so many sales.
Our manager simply reminded us that the barcodes never lie.
My name was the one drawn for breakroom duty that next morning, to pick up what remained of her smile and her simple gold wedding band, to be returned to her family. In one business week, they received a box containing a check, and everything left of her that wouldn’t fit down the drain.
Once the numbers are finalized, once your employee barcode has been slapped on that innocuous looking pink slip, well, your fate is sealed.
Kevin, in all his years at the company, has never parked on the far side of the lot. He has never even come close to becoming Employee of the Year, even though he couldn’t sell a bottle of water to a man dying of dehydration. He is sleaze incarnate and doesn’t even have the charisma to mask it.
I never understood how he did so well, but I couldn’t afford to think about him.
I had myself to worry about, and the glitch in the system. Any time I found myself in the breakroom, that ancient wooden door was an unwelcome reminder of the impending one-way trip it held for me.
I took special care to keep an eye on my sales, working my ass off, pulling double shifts. I pulled up the numbers as the end of month drew near, and couldn't believe it.
I was still dead last.
Somehow, there were days where less than half of my sales had been recorded to my employee number.
I didn’t understand.
I waited for the opportunity to sneak into the manager's office, and pull the footage myself.
I’d show the boss that something had gone wrong with the calculations, that the system was broken.
I finally got my chance. At first, I triumphantly watched myself make sale after sale – far more than had been credited to my account. For the first time in a month, I felt a sense of relief. I had evidence, and that had to count for something.
I switched feeds, to the camera nearer to the registers so I could confirm that the codes were being scanned. I'd seen several scanned successfully, and reached to turn off the recording. That's when I saw it.
Saw him.
Kevin.
It was subtle. I didn't realize what he was doing at first, until I recognized the pattern. Even then, I had to rewind and watch again for it to click.
It happened for nearly half of my sales that day. I saw him Intercepting the customers before they could check out – before I could get credit for my sales. And while he chatted them up, he discretely slapped his employee barcode over my own.
I confronted him that night – I was furious. He just smiled, smugly gave me that line about how the barcodes never lie.
He didn’t give a shit that he was sentencing someone else to death.
Hell, maybe he even enjoyed it.
Kevin had stolen credit for Gina’s sales – and god knows who else's.
Fucking. Kevin.
The day our numbers were to be finalized, he had the audacity to place his barcode over mine on a huge sale I’d made – he made no attempt at hiding it – right in front of me. He flashed me a grin as he did.
I caught up with the customers before they checked out and they kindly allowed me to peel the sticker off. I stuck it in my pocket to show my manager.
I pulled the video, too, and I stormed into his office, refused to leave until he watched it. I studied him as his eyes moved across the screen and if he was upset or shocked, he certainly didn't show it.
Finally, he met my eyes, and at the sight of the pain in his – well, for the first time, I felt a sense of relief.
Until I realized why he looked so miserable. Until he whispered, “I'm sorry, Graham. Someone has to receive that award tomorrow. It's out of my hands.”
I wordlessly handed him that damn barcode sticker of Kevin’s that I’d peeled off. He studied it for a long moment before he handed it back to me with a mere, “Why don't you hold onto this.”
I told Elise what had happened over lunch, and as much as I appreciated her outrage on my behalf, I was already resigned to it. I'd mainly wanted to warn her because I had a sick feeling she'd be the one Kevin went after next.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't devastated when, that night, my boss called me into his office and informed me of the final standings. Yeah, I knew it was coming, but I guess it's just human nature to hold onto denial – hope – until the bitter end.
For what felt like an eternity, we stared at each other in silence. The presence of the pink slip of paper lying on the desk between us, said more than enough.
Finally, my eyes drifted down to the form.
He’d already signed, but the space where my barcode – the series of vertical lines spelling out my death sentence – should’ve been placed, was empty.
I never knew how this part went, since it always took place behind closed doors. No one that ever filled out that form lived to tell the rest of us about it.
“I need you to place a barcode here before I send the form to corporate.” he said, eventually.
I opened my mouth for one final, impassioned plea for my life, but he interrupted me. He spoke each word slowly, softly.
“I’m leaving the room now. I need you to place a barcode here, before I send the form to corporate.”
He stared at me for a long moment, waiting for my barely perceptible nod of acknowledgement before leaving me alone in the office.
They processed the paperwork, and announced the Employee of the Year that next day.
Yes, I did feel a pang of guilt as I watched the smug grin fade, the blood drain from Kevin’s face as he stared in shock at the outstretched hand of our manager – as he was thanked for his devotion to our company.
I felt it again as I watched him plead all the way to the breakroom, as our manager spoke to him the same mantra we’d all heard before.
The barcodes never lie.
But I thought of Gina, of the countless others, and by the time I heard the door slam behind him – the guilt was already gone. In its place, the relief of knowing the rest of us were safe.
Well, at least until next year.

Post(s) in Question

Post: https://www.reddit.com/zen/comments/1cx1gjl/what_did_ananda_inherit/
WHAT DID BUDDHA TRANSMIT?
There could hardly be a more definitive or significant question.

Podcast:

Link to episode: https://sites.libsyn.com/407831/5-21-wumenguan-case-22-astroemi
Link to all episodes: https://sites.libsyn.com/407831
Buymeacoffee, so I'm not accused of going it alone:https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ewkrzen

What did we end up talking about?

There wasn't much in the way of translation problems. The last line of the poem was mistranslated (over translated?) by several people. The significance of the case was the main discussion point.
There is also probably a glitch where people talk over each other... it doesn't last.

CHATGPT TRANS:

CASE: Kashyapa and Ananda Ananda asked Kashyapa, "Apart from the robe of golden brocade that the World-Honored One transmitted, what else was passed on?" Kashyapa called out, "Ananda!" Ananda responded, "Yes?" Kashyapa said, "Knock down the flagpole in front of the gate."

Wumen's Instructional comments:

If you can turn the phrase around here, you will see that the assembly on Vulture Peak has not yet dispersed. If not, even the Buddha of Vipaśyin would have to ponder it, yet still not grasp its profundity.

Wumen's Instructional Verse:

How does the question compare to the answer?
How many people are blinded by this?
The elder calls, the younger responds, revealing the family's disgrace,
Beyond yin and yang, there is another spring.

Explaining Yin/Yang symbol's meaning:

The Yin-Yang symbol is tightly connected with the annual cycle of the earth around the sun, and the four seasons resulting from it. To investigate this cycle, the ancient Chinese used a pole that they put up orthogonally to the ground, as shown in Figure 4. With this setup, the ancient Chinese were able to record precisely the positions of the sun’s shadow and divide the year into different sections. They found the length of a year to be about 365.25 days. Furthermore, they divided the circle of the year into segments, including the vernal equinox, autumnal equinox, summer solstice, and winter solstice.
In addition, they used concentric circles around the pole, helping them to record the length of the sun’s shadow every day. As a result, they measured the shortest shadow during the summer solstice, and measured the longest shadow during the winter solstice.** After connecting the measured points and dimming the part that reaches from summer solstice to winter solstice (Yin), they arrived at a chart like the one in Figure 5** [yin/yang symbol].

If u wanna podcast?

Add a comment if there is a post you want somebody to get interviewed about, or you agree to be interviewed. We are now using libsyn, so you don't even have to show your face. You just get a link to an audio call.
I was thinking about the fact that it seems pretty reasonable to call somebody up and talk on the phone about something you talk about on reddit everyday... but some people are nervous about this. Why? It's a phone call. Is it the public nature of the phone call? In a coffee shop it's public too... but it's not scrutinized.
Being wrong... is that the big worry? We all have trouble saying Chinese words, remembering Chinese names, and explaining Zen concepts that the Chinese themselves were uncomfortable with. What's the standard for public conversations when it comes to knowledge? Does that standard mean less people want to talk publicly?

I don't have everything, but I got most of the things from the Dokdo Line + one thing from the Birch Line.
Skin Type: Combination, but easily oily with certain products Environment: Hot, humid
CLEANSING OIL: Dokdo Cleansing Oil - Oh my word. So, 3 nights of using this stuff, and my pores look smaller. I thought I was using it wrong because I wasn't seeing the gritty pieces that people were showing on social media with cleansing oils, but sure enough, my pores look cleaner and smaller after just 3 nights! I was worried it was going to break me out but it didn't. It emulsifies well and it cleans off well with rinsing, even before using a cleanser (which I still recommend). It's supposed to be fragrance-free, but it does contail essential oils, so it does have that essential oil smell to it. It didn't bother me at all, but I wanted to put it out there in case someone is sensitive to it. ✅
CLEANSER: Birch Cleanser - I got this cleanser before I purchased the Dokdo stuff. I'm still using this one. I love how it makes my face feel clean, yet doesn't make it tight or dry. I was actually worried at first whether I was using it correctly because I'm so used to the dry, tight, feeling with cleansers. This is true even after double cleansing with a cleansing oil. My skin still feels supple and moisturized. It is a so it doesn't foam too much like I was expecting Overall, it's a great cleanser. ✅
Dodo Cleanser - I've only tried I've only tried it once because I also have the Birch Cleanser, which I am currently using. However, I do love the overall feel. It makes my face feel squeaky clean, but not tight and dry like most cleansers. It feels supple and moisturized right after, which is also how the Birch Cleanser felt. The only difference is this is more creamy and foams better, whereas the Birch Cleanser is gel and doesn't foam as much. ✅
TONER: Dokdo Toner - Yeahhh... LOVE this toner! I can see why it's supposed to be award winning in Korea. It's like water, and super easy to put on. It is a bit sticky once you put it on (but only for a few seconds to about a minute). If you bear with it for that short of time, your skinjust soaks it up without any sticky residue! It's so lightweight and it's supposed to be a gentle exfoliator. I hate feeling tacky, sticky, or oily and this definitely does not feel like that. It actually feels very refreshing! I love it! ✅
AMPOULE: Dokdo Ampoule - So, I am not a big fan of this. Everthing I mentioned I love about the Dokdo toner...this is the opposite. It's a watery consistency and it applies well...BUT, it is sticky and tacky, and after a few minutes, my entire face is already oily. Unlike the toner, the stickiness never goes away. I put it on one night and woke up with my face oily with little tiny pimples. So, would not at all repurchase this. ❌
MOISTURIZER: Dokdo Lotion - I thought that the ampoule was bad, this one was even worse! It seems lightweight, but it's even tackier and stickier, and trying to sleep with this on at night is a nightmare. My face doesn't feel clean. It is oily a few minutes after applying and ever oilier the next day. It also horrible to layer under my sunscreen. Imagine going out in humid, hot, summer weather and feeling tacky and sticky from your moisturizer. ❌
That said, I know that I'm supposed to wear a moisturizer, but l'm hesistant to try another serum or moisturizer from Round Lab because I really can't handle that sticky feeling. I did get the Dokdo Sleeping Pack, so I'll give that a try. I also got the Neutrogena Hydroboost Water Gel. I know they have a new formulation but I remember the older version feeling lightweight and not making me feel oily.
PURCHASED, YET TO TRY, WILL REVIEW: - Dokdo Sleeping Pack - Dokdo Water Gel Masks - Dokdo Sunscreen - Birch Moisturing Sun Stick

Hello all -- first time poster here. Sorry for the really long post, I guess part of this is therapeutic for me just to write out.
I've really been struggling recently, as my wife has come to absolutely despise by 67 year old mother, and I'm not sure if there's anything that can fix it.
A little bit of my history. I've always been very close with my family. I grew up in a south Asian household (although I always felt we integrated nicely with a lot of American culture -- both me and my sibling have lived in a large US city our entire lives and consider ourselves American both in culture as well as nationality). However, as in many Asian cultures, respect for elders is extremely important. I always had a parent-child relationship with my parents (meaning that they were in charge, and not interested in being my friend, but rather my mentors and provided invaluable guidance over the years). Both of my parents sacrificed a lot for me and mysibling, but especially my mom who chose to forgo advancing her own career, and to work part time in order to raise my sibling and I. I've always had a good relationship with my mom, although we've had our share of fights over the years (we're both pretty stubborn), but they typically last no more than a 3-5 days on average and then things are completely back to normal. I would say this happens an average of 1-2 times per year at most. I do feel very close with my mom (& my dad as well, but my wife doesn't seem to have any issues with my dad so I'm not focussing on that part). I do believe that much of the success I have achieved in life is directly attributable to the sacrifices my mom made as well as the time she spent raising and teaching me. I have always respected my parents, which is typical of Asian culture. By respect, I mean things like not talking back, valuing their opinions, and trying to make their life easier or happier in small ways (visiting them on weekends, going out to dinner together -- we live roughly 40 minutes apart).
A bit of my wife's history -- she grew up with her parents being divorced from a young age. Both of her parents are wonderful people who I really adore, but they were extremely lenient with her growing up (they were not on top of her with regards to schoolwork, she would talk back to them at times without getting in much trouble, she was able to sneak out of her house as a teen, etc.). These are by no means egregious offenses, and I suspect many kids do the same at that age. However, there was a clear difference in her relationship with her parents -- there was no real enforcement of rules or punishment for breaking rules. Through my lens, it seems that this has manifested as a lack of respect for her own parents, as well as her elders. She mostly has a good relationship with both of her parents, but when she does disagree with them, she talks to them in ways I could never imagine speaking to my own parents (talks back, hangs up on them, etc.). She says that she needs to "put them in their place" at times, which I also find rude. Overall, I would say she grew up much less "family-oriented" than I did, for what it's worth.
My wife is also somewhat of a nomad (mostly not by choice). She moved a few times growing up (within the same state, but different areas), and then went out of state for college, only to leave after 1.5 years and finish at a local state school (in a different state) where her mother lived at the time. Because of this, she has very few close friends, and the ones that she does have are spread out all across the country on different coasts. This is in stark contrast to me. I've been lucky to maintain the same group of friends that I've had since we were 8 or 9 years old. On top of that, most of them have stayed in the same area that we grew up in (where my wife and I now live). I think the lack of a social circle has affected my wife since she moved to my city, but I'm not sure what solution there is for that since there is no city we could live in where she would have a group of close friends or family (her parents live in different states and split time between different states, her 3 closest friends live in 3 different states).
I've known my wife for 8 years and we've been married for 2.5. I love her. She is a great person; she is kind, compassionate, loving, and at her core truly does care deeply about others (though I feel that this does not always come across in the way she talks to her own parents). She's funny, adventurous, and up until recently, I was always happier around her. We were recently blessed with the birth of our son, who is now 11 months old. Our son is the best thing that has ever happened to us, but his arrival seems to have simultaneously strained our relationship in ways I did not anticipate. I knew that the sleep deprivation would be hard, and our lives would change drastically. What I did not envision was a deepening hatred that my wife has developed for my mom.
Prior to the birth of our son, my wife did not have much of an issue with my mom other than thinking she was "needy" for wanting to see myself and my sibling once a week, even if it was just for a dinner (again, we live roughly 40 minutes apart, and my parents are typically willing to drive to us, meet us at a restaurant, or have us over). My mom does tend to be picky with where we eat out (she doesn't eat most meat, and prefers vegetarian options), but that never really bothered me, though it seems to bother my wife that my mom is "getting her way", even though this was at most 1 meal in the week.
I know that my mom can certainly be stubborn and hard to deal with at times, but I know her very well, and I always felt that she was inclusive of my wife, and never did anything that warranted being strongly disliked. The one exception to this was during our son's baby shower. We had planned a large party with a lot of family and friends that my parents hosted (their house is large enough to accomodate a party of that size). During the baby shower, my mom helped arrange catering of food, ordering tables, chairs, tablecloths, and hiring a bartender (my parents also paid for all of this). My wife did not like my mom's taste with regards to tablecloths and chair decorations and she was irritated that my mom wanted to help and be involved in the planning (though to her credit, my wife did not outwardly show this discontent to my mom, though it was certainly made known to me). My wife handled the floral arrangements and other decorative pieces such as a backdrop, and spent a lot of time and effort getting them exactly how she wanted. I kind of sensed that my mom felt that she was being taken for granted and underappreciated by my wife (she did take care and pay for a lot), and my wife felt that my mom was being overbearing with planning, and also felt that my mom was purposefully spiteful (my wife claims that every other member of my family commented on how nice the floral arrangements were, but my mom never did). This culminated in a "fight" where my wife wanted a decorative piece in one part of the yard and my mom wanted it in another part. There was some exchange of words at the time, though I did not witness this. This left my mom feeling that my wife was "disrespectful" and left my wife hating my mom for not honoring her decision about where to place the decorative piece, since this was her baby shower. This led to a very upsetting experience for my wife and I as we really did not enjoy the baby shower at all (although this was not evident to our guests or other family members, as we were able to "fake it"). My wife was particularly upset after the baby shower when we drove home since she felt that it was supposed to be a special day for her, and my mom ruined it, which I mostly agreed with. To her credit, my mom did apologize to both my wife and me the following day, and told us that she had been under a lot of stress with many family members staying at their house, taking care of meals, sleeping arrangements, etc., and her stress got the better of her. I was willing to accept her apology and move on, but my wife has always held a grudge since that time, and feels that the apology wasn't genuine. Again, I've known my mom for a long time and she would rather not apologize at all than do so disingenuously. My wife however insists that she can read my mom better than me, since I'm biased. Nonetheless, we moved forward.
After the birth of our son, my parents and my wife's parents were overjoyed (he is all of their first grandchild). Again, we live near where I grew up so my parents are much closer to us than my wife's parents are. After the birth of our son, my wife's mom rented a place near us for 4 months to help with the baby and chores, etc. I never had any issue with this, even when she would come over multiple times a day, or even unannounced at times (this was not something that bothered me). My parents were (& are) also very eager to spend time with their grandchild, and initially were coming over every other day to see the baby, which then decreased to about twice a week, since he has been 3 months old. My wife has begun having major issues with my parents coming to see our son twice a week now. Perhaps what is most irritating to me is the fact that I anticipated this issue beforehand. I specifically asked my wife when our son was 1 or 2 months old "how often would you be okay with my parents coming to see him?", and her answer was "I would be so happy if it was just twice a week", (which she felt would be a huge improvement over the every other day they were initially coming when our son was a newborn). I assured her that twice a week was very reasonable and she said she'd be happy with that.
Fast forward to now -- my mom comes to visit twice a week for 3-4 hours and my wife says its too much. She says it's suffocating, that she shouldn't have to live her life around my mom seeing our son (which my wife does not, she always tells my mom which days to come, and they are different each week depending on what my wife wants to do), that she feels like she had a kid just for my mom to play with. Again, my mom is never insistent on what days or even times to see our son. She certainly appreciates seeing him regularly, and I always wanted my son to have a close relationship with his grandparents (both sides), as both myself and my wife did growing up. However, my wife's parents do not live near us (and don't come to visit that often). I think this plays a role in terms of her being irritated that my family sees him regularly, but I don't see any solution. Her family is financially able to visit us (very regularly) if they wanted to, but they don't make it a priority. Again, her parents are wonderful people, but they seem to be more interested in their own lives and relationships than they are in forging a deep connection with our son, their grandson (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, but it's the opposite of my family who really want to be close with their grandson, even if it's at the expense of time with their own friends).
I should also add that for the past 3 years my wife has not worked. This started prior to us getting married. She left her job because she hated it, and I am lucky to be in a position to financially support us on my own. However, she always told me she would (& wanted to) get a job in a field that she was more interested in, though she has never been able to articulate what that field would be (actually she was adamant that she would have a job before we got married). I tried to encourage her to find fields that appealed to her, even advised her to take risks with entrepreneurship, to see if she could make a career out of something she considers a hobby. I've paid for countless courses, certifications, etc. (90% of which she did not complete -- things like real estate certifications, social media certifications, photography lessons, camera lenses, etc.). Furthermore, I paid for her to see a therapist of her choosing for a few months hoping it would help her gain clarity with regards to what she wants to do career-wise (it did not). All in all, I've probably spent in the neighborhood of 7-8K on online courses, certifications, and she does not have anything to show for it. Once we got pregnant, we agreed that she would take on more of a domestic role (which is what she said she wanted as well, I did not force her into this -- and she was also not doing anything else for work anyway). The point I'm making here is not that I feel she needs to work, it is just that she gets to see our son all the time (it's not like she's going to work and handing our son off to my mom). Also, many times my wife will say "Oh why don't you come on Monday" when we see my mom (which my mom will then do). Then Monday rolls around and my wife is texting me at work all day constantly complaining about how my mom is interacting with our son (she doesn't watch him closely enough, or she doesn't put him in his crib to nap, or she feeds him when she's not supposed to, etc.), how long my mom is staying, how she feels trapped in the house when my mom is there, etc. She basically wants my mom to come over for no more than 2 hours and then leave (again we live about 40 minutes apart).
This issue she has with my mom seeing our son a couple of times a week for a few hours, has started to cause bigger and bigger fights between us. Part of me understands that my wife's lack of her own social circle of close friends, and not having family nearby is contributing to her unhappiness with our current situation. But the other part of me can't help but feel like I've done everything in my power to help, and it feels that she is just complaining about my mom because she's unhappy with where she is in life. I have tried helping her find a career that she would like, I have tried telling her she can remain a stay at home mom if she wants, I have tried getting her a therapist to help her work through her issues, I have tried encouraging her to join mom & baby classes to meet new friends (which she now attends, but hasn't made any real friends during them), I have offered to joint local couples meetups with her to meet new friends if that would make her more comfortable, I have encouraged her to invite the few local friends she does have over for dinner or even go out with them while I watch the baby, I have offered to move to a part of the city that is even further from my parents, and I've even offered to move cities altogether to be closer to her own family (although her family does not reside in just 1 city, they split time between a few). I've also told her to voice her issues to my mom and hash out whatever the issues are, but she says my mom will see it as disrespectful and "make things even more awkward" (which may in fact be true, but in that case I've told her we would just see my mom less, which is what she wants anyway...). Each time I suggest something, I feel that it is met with resistance or some excuse as to why it won't work (for instance when I suggest moving cities, she says no because I'll "use that against her" in the future if we fight). I'm just not sure where I can take it from here. I'm sure couples counseling has to be a part of the solution in some way, but I'm not sure what they are going to be able to offer that I haven't already tried.
I guess I'm just looking for advice. My guess is my wife wants me to just straight up tell my mom she can't come over twice a week anymore (but I could see my wife having a problem even if it was just once a week), for no good reason. My mom has no idea my wife despises her, and me just randomly telling my parents they can't come over anymore for no apparent reason would cause a rift between me & them. I love my parents and they're only getting older. They're not going to live forever, and I would feel awful if I told them they just can't come to see their grandson because my wife doesn't like my mom for no particularly legitimate reason.
Thanks in advance to whoever read through this, and for whatever advice you can provide.
TLDR - I feel like I've bent over backwards to make my wife happy but she still has a major issue with my mom that I don't know how to resolve.

this might be a bit complicated because a lot of stuff is different from the system which is established in the us but i'd like to know my chances
currently in 10th grade (which is equivalent to junior year, a rising senior)
low-income, seeking full aid/scholarship
applying to film majofilm and tv production/film studies in some cases
dream/reach: nyu, lmu, bard, vassar, umiami
gpa: 11/12(i figured it would be ~3.9), in my country we don't have any APs, Honors etc.
i also study at a Canadian school online, my gpa there is ~85%, but i'm trying to make it at least 90%
i took SAT on may 4th and got 1290. i'm taking it again on june 1st and i'm planning to retake it in august or october until i get 1500+
activities:

1. rhythmic gymnastics for 8 years, but i finished it 2 years ago. i have a second professional rank (idk how to call that), a ton of national awards
   
2. competitive contemporary dance for 3 years. participant of world of dance ukraine 2023, team division (those are really prestigious dance competitions, international level), and semi finalist of world of dance ukraine 2024 team division (top 12). our team also won a $1000 scholarship for taking the 1st place on national level competition and 2 times we won the second place
   
3. actor and assistant on the film set at the biggest film studio in Eastern Europe. i starred in a short film, and worked with a professional cameraman, screenwriter and director. i also visited a lot of meetings and workshops at that film studio
   
4. freelancer, video editor. worked for clients from Eastern Europe and Canada for 1,5 years. edited videos in English, helped to improve their youtube channel
   
5. volunteer tutor online. tutor kids from occupied territories, explain the school subjects to them, because it's really hard for kids to take school seriously because of war. i also tutor english and spanish
   
6. school government, media committee. run the school's social media account, edit, film videos, etc. now something that is in progress:
   
7. non-profit international organization, which runs 4 online clubs in 4 creative fields (creative writing/fashion/design and drawing/film and media).it is also a platform for international communication, creating and spreading opportunities for people interested in art. i'm a founder. however, i'm just starting it and looking for people, so it isn't really working yet
   
8. international MUN enthusiast. i got a $1000 scholarship for CWMUN in emirates and going there in october. idk if it can be considered an activity, but i also participated in MUN in my city
   
9. organizing film evenings and discussions in my city. that's also something i'm just starting
   
10. Nobel internship. i registered for Nobel international online internship, but it's only starting at summer. i thought maybe once i finish a required course i can start my film club on that platform
    

11(?). i don't think it's really an activity but i've been to multiple international camps (in Ireland, Czech Republic and going to Canada this summer), which is like cultural exchange and stuff
i don't have any impressive awards though. i thought i would write about the $1000 CWMUN scholarship, maybe some dance awards. also i'm going to participate in the international online olympiad in English and Maths in August so hopefully i'll win something there. also i won a school video contest
i know that in film major portfolio is a really important part so i'll be working on that during the summer. i have a lot of short film ideas, but not a single scenario yet. i'll film one short film and try to make it as perfect as possible, because i know a short film is required to apply to most top film schools (like nyu)
additionally, i know Spanish (~B1-B2), and French (~A2)
i'm planning to write my ps essay on either rejection from FLEX exchange program and how it motivated me, or how i am a naturally extremely shy and interverted person but i had to overcome my fears to reach my goals
i know my application is kinda strange, cuz it has a lot of things mixed all together, and some things are not even started yet. i'm esp stressed about my portfolio
i would be really grateful to receive any kind of feedback or advice!

“It was a special day, during the year 0, in the Roman occupied lands of Palestine, as I was with a very important task”
Gabriel started to narrate her story, reminiscing those days she mentioned.
““_Give this message, to a girl named Mary, in Bethlehem:You will bear the Son of God, and He shall be God in form of man_” as Lord YHWH ordered me, and as I walked down the streets, I began to hear a voice, of a rather young girl, going person to person, asking for something, before she came up to me, and asked me:”_Miss, do you perhaps know of a man looking for a bride? I am looking for a man to marry_”, and when I asked of her name, she was the one and only Mary, so I was taken aback, given how young she was, but I had to send her off, as I was not prepared for this”
Gabriel kept going, not taking her gaze off from Mary.
“I met her some time later at a well, and I asked her for how long she has been asking for a husband, and she’s been searching for 3 days, and this was the 4th, and had begun to lose hope in finding a man, despite praying each night. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel bad, so that night, now that I was sure that was the Mary Lord YHWH appointed me, I entered her mind in her sleep, and gave the this message in her dreams:”_Mary of Bethlehem, for 4 days you’ve prayed to find a man, and tomorrow, you will, as you will be the mother of The Savior, Jesus Christ. Tomorrow, you will find your man before sundown_” and the next morning, she gave those incredible news to her parents, who were very joyous and honored that Lord YHWH heard their pleas”
Gabriel had a huge smile on her face, Göll also smiling from the story.
“What happened after? She met her husband Joseph right?”
Gabriel immediately answers Göll’s question.
“Yep, she did, in the same well she met me, as he heard of her wish, and decided that if no one else was going to marry her, he will, Mary was very happy to hear that, and decided to spend the rest of the day until sundown to be with him, as they then both began to learn more of each other, Joseph revealing he is a carpenter, which coincidentally had helped Mary’s parents, but that day, when Joseph and Mary went to her house, they found the entire house had been ransacked, the parents unharmed, and both thanked our Lord for the safety of Mary, who then gave her the news that the Roman Emperor had found out about the existence of hidden Christians, and sent soldiers to eradicate them, before Joseph stepped up, promising to protect Mary if her father gave him her hand, which they happily did”
As Gabriel was talking and Göll was listening, Brunhilde was still focused on analyzing any trick that Mary was using against Lucifer.
“And so, Mary and Joseph embarked on a long travel, where they met with a caravan heading to Nazareth, where under the guise of rags and wrinkles, I decided to join in, to keep an eye from Mary, before I once again entered her dreams, announcing that the birth of Jesus will be a virgin one, and that she must say this to everyone to avoid confusion, but as the caravan traveled, Mary had began to suffer the symptoms of pregnancy, Joseph taking extra care for her, before they were stopped not too far from Nazareth due to a storm, before Mary decided that they were close enough where she and Joseph could make it there by themselves, and once the storm settled, she and Joseph thanked the caravan, and made it to the city of Nazareth, meeting a group of farmers before Mary began to go into labour, the farmers helping Joseph hurry Mary into their staple, lying her carefully on a pile of cloth and straw, and as Mary started to give birth, a bright star shined above, when Lord YHWH sent the 3 other Archangels to tell 3 kings to follow the star, and give their gifts to the son, as he shall bring salvation from sins”
Göll was amazed at the story, before Gabriel kept on going for the final snippet.
“And thus, began the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, which Mary and Joseph, together, helped raise, and bore witness to his various parables and miracles, and both sadly wept at the time of his crucifixion and his rebirth, but even after he was gone, Mary kept on spreading the word of God, redeeming sinners and aiding with local issues, and one day, years after the death of Jesus. I was allowed to show myself in my full glory, for I had one last task for Mary:helping her ascend to the kingdom of Heaven before her death, a feat yet not done by neither man nor woman today, and as she ascended, Lord YHWH gave her among the biggest honors a human could ever have:the titles of Holiest saint, greatest woman, and the one most important title, the one of the Queen of Heaven:_Regina Caeli_”
As soon as Gabriel finished narrating, Brunhilde was still puzzled.
“Queen of Heaven? So she’s a much bigger deal than I thought”
Göll said, amazed at Gabriel’s story of Mary, Gabriel looking at the fight.
“Yeah, but I’m confident she’ll net humanity a well needed win”
{Intermission:Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit}
[these intermissions are meant to be like extra chapters with either interaction with audience members, or are the introduction of them]
As Mary was walking to the arena doors, she was greeted by a familiar voice and footsteps nearby.
“May God be with you, my dear”
And as Mary turns around, she can see her dear husband Joseph, accompanied by Jesus and his 6 other siblings:James, Joses, Simon, Jude, Judith and Miriam.
“Joseph? My kids, what are you doing here?”
Mary asked them, resting her thurible around her neck and waist as Joseph went to hug her, alongside the rest of the family.
“Just wanted to see you one last time before we went back to the audience seats, dear Mother”
Jude told Mary, as she embraces the hug”
“Thank you my son, worry not about the fight, I’m sure our Lord won’t let me die against his greatest oppressor, for I am his Holiest Saint”
Mary smiled, before she saw Gabriel approach them, her family also noticing her.
“Been some time, Mary of Bethlehem”
Mary was about to bow, but Gabriel stopped her.
“I was just passing by, I was headed to the medbay to help our Raphael, but I am glad to see you safe, although I never would’ve thought you’d step up instead of Joan” “It is my duty as the Queen of Heaven to eradicate sin and bring salvation”
Mary responded to Gabriel, before she looked at the door to the arena behind her.
“We’ll keep cheering you on, Mom”
Judith said happily, Jesus and Joseph nodding as Gabriel then accompanied them back to the audience seats, Mary looking at the arena entrance, taking out her bible and beginning to pray as Heimdall began to announce her entrance.

The Wattys 2024 have been announced by Wattpad. Looks like they are working off of last year's big changes in rules. Below are some of the important things to take note of:

• Only 3 language options for Completed (English, Filipino, or Spanish. 10 winners max per language) and 1 for Ongoing (English. 10 winners max).
• Of each group of 10 winners, there can only be one existing Wattpad Original.
• Fanfiction banned again.
• No genre categories but books must fit into one of eight listed genres.
• No AI.
• No previously Wattys-submitted Completed stories and no previously submitted stories at all in the future
• Submission window: 15 July - 6 August. Shortlisting: 14 October. Results: December.
• If your story is eligible, a banner linking to the submission form will appear on your Story Details page. If you make changes to your story e.g. to fit the eligibility criteria, allow 24 hours for them to go into effect.

What are your thoughts on this year's contest and the Wattys in general? Will you be entering?
—

1. ENTRY CRITERIA:

• All Entries to the Completed Stories category must meet the following criteria. Each Entry must be:
  • written in English, Filipino, or Spanish;
  • original to the Entrant;
  • posted on the Website on or after January 1, 2022;
  • marked complete on the Website
  • at least 50,000 words in length if written in English or at least 40,000 words in length if written in Filipino or Spanish, as reflected in the Wattpad desktop experience (each a “Completed Story” and collectively “Completed Stories”); and,
  • submitted to the Wattys for the first time.
• All Entries to the Ongoing Stories category must meet the following criteria. Each Entry must:
  • be written in English;
  • be original to the Entrant;
  • not be marked complete on the Website;
  • be at least 20,000 words in length, as reflected in the Wattpad desktopexperience (each an “Ongoing Story” and collectively “OngoingStories”).
  • have been updated in at least 8 of the 10 weeks prior to the date yousubmit the Entry and each update must be a minimum of 500 words(each an “Update”).
  • have been created prior to June 5, 2024 and have received an Update inat least 80% of the weeks between the date you submit the Entry andthe date on which Sponsor announces the Shortlisted Entries.
  • All Entry parts, including Updates, posted on Sponsor’s Website until October 14, 2024 will be considered as the total Entry in the Ongoing Stories category. Sponsor reserves the right to reject any Entry for any reason.

2. GENRES: Entries in each of the languages and categories listed above in section 1 are eligible to enter into any Genre. For more details on each Genre, visit the Contest Profile. The following list outlines all Genres for the Contest:

• Action & Thriller
• Fantasy
• Historical
• Horror
• Mystery & Detective
• Paranormal
• Romance
• Science Fiction

The Battle for Zor'thal
The skies of Zor'thal burned red as the Insectoid swarm darkened the horizon, their shrill war cries piercing the air. Amid the chaos, Commander Sarah Williams stood at the edge of a crumbling barricade, her uniform scorched and tattered. She wiped the soot from her face and looked back at the terrified Zor'thali huddled behind her—a once-proud avian species now reduced to desperate survivors.
"Hold the line!" she shouted, her voice hoarse from days of relentless fighting. Human soldiers, battered but unbroken, snapped to attention, their faces steeled with determination. They had come to Zor'thal not for conquest, but to protect these gentle beings who painted the skies with colors unseen on Earth.
The battle raged on, and the humans fought with a ferocity that defied their exhaustion. Sarah's mind flashed back to a moment when a young Zor'thali child had handed her a small, hand-carved figure of a bird. "For luck," the child had said, eyes wide with hope.
Hours turned into days, and the Insectoids seemed endless. Sarah watched as Corporal James Reed, a seasoned soldier with a heart of gold, charged into the fray to save a wounded Zor'thali elder. He took a hit meant for the elder, his scream lost in the roar of the battle. Sarah's heart clenched, but she pressed on, her duty clear.
Finally, after a brutal final assault, the Insectoids were purged from the area. The battlefield was a graveyard of broken bodies and shattered dreams, but Zor'thal was saved. The Zor'thali wept as they mourned their dead and honored the humans who had fought so bravely.
Years later, at an interstellar summit, the Zor'thali Chancellor stood before a vast assembly. His feathers, once vibrant, were now dull with age, but his eyes shone with gratitude. He recounted the darkest days of the invasion, his voice trembling as he spoke of the human sacrifices.
A Xendari representative, known for his cynicism, interrupted, "Why should we trust the humans? They are known for their aggression and self-interest."
The room fell silent. Commander Sarah Williams, now an ambassador, rose from her seat. Her gaze was steady as she walked to the center of the hall. "When the Insectoids descended upon Zor'thal, they intended to eradicate every living being. We fought not for gain, but because it was the right thing to do. Thousands of our soldiers lie buried on Zor'thal, having given their lives to protect those who could not protect themselves."
She paused, her voice cracking with emotion. "I still carry the figure of a bird given to me by a Zor'thali child. It reminds me of why we fought. For them, for their future."
The Xendari representative, known for his bluster, found himself speechless. The truth hung heavily in the air.
The Defense of Iylara
The lush forests of Iylara were a living tapestry of greens and blues, now marred by the fiery onslaught of the Insectoids. Admiral James Harris stood on a ridge, his heart heavy as he surveyed the burning landscape. The Iylari, an aquatic species known for their wisdom, were fighting a losing battle. Their beautiful coral cities, once vibrant with life, were being reduced to rubble.
"Admiral, we need to fall back," a young lieutenant urged, his voice tinged with fear.
"No," Harris replied firmly. "We hold our ground. We are their last hope."
As the humans dug in, the Insectoids advanced, their insectile drones tearing through defenses. Harris watched as a group of Iylari children, their scales shimmering with tears, were shepherded to safety by human medics. He clenched his fists, determined to give them a future.
The battle was fierce. Harris led charge after charge, his mind a blur of strategy and survival. He saw Lieutenant Davis, barely twenty, carrying an injured Iylari on his back through a hail of enemy fire. Davis fell, his body shielding the Iylari from harm. Harris's chest tightened, but he couldn't afford to grieve—not yet.
After nearly a year of unrelenting combat, the Insectoids were finally repelled. The humans had paid a steep price, but the Iylari were saved. The once-pastoral fields of Iylara were scarred with the memory of their sacrifice.
Decades later, during a historic Galactic Council meeting, an elderly Iylari senator stood to speak. His scales had lost their luster, but his voice carried the weight of lived experience. "When the Insectoids came, we were doomed. It was the humans who stood with us, who fought and died for our freedom."
A Myraxian representative, known for his disdain of human involvement, sneered. "Why should we trust these humans? They are warriors, not diplomats."
The senator's eyes narrowed. "The humans are indeed warriors, but they are also protectors. When the Insectoids ravaged and consumed our forests and slaughtered and ate our people, it was the humans who stood with us. They asked for nothing in return, except to see justice done. I remember a young soldier, David, who carried me from the flames. He was just nineteen Terra years! "
Admiral Harris, now retired and attending as an honorary guest, nodded solemnly. The Myraxian opened his mouth to retort but found no words. The senator's voice trembled as he continued, "David gave his life so I could live. How many of us owe our lives to such sacrifice?"
The assembly was silent, the weight of their debt to humanity undeniable.
The Liberation of Vornax
The frigid plains of Vornax were a harsh and unforgiving battlefield. The Insectoids had invaded, enslaving the crystalline Vornaxians for use as biofuel. General Marcus Lee stood on the front lines, his breath visible in the freezing air. His troops were exhausted, but their resolve was unbreakable.
"General, our supplies are running low," Captain Rodriguez reported, her voice shaking from the cold.
"We can't stop now," Lee replied. "The Vornaxians are counting on us."
As they advanced through the ice and snow, Lee saw the desperation in the eyes of the Vornaxians. They had endured unimaginable horrors, and the humans had come to be their last hope. The humans fought in subzero temperatures, their bodies pushed to the brink, but they never wavered.
One night, as they set up camp, Lee sat by a fire with a young Vornaxian girl who had lost her family. She handed him a small, crystalline shard. "For courage," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Lee held the shard tightly, feeling the weight of her trust. The next morning, they launched a final assault on the Insectoids hive stronghold. The battle was fierce, and the humans fought with a primal fury. Lee watched as Sergeant Johnson, a father of two, charged into enemy lines to protect a group of Vornaxian prisoners. He fell, but his sacrifice allowed the prisoners to escape.
After two grueling years, the Insectoids were scorched from Vornax. The humans had liberated the planet, but the cost was high. The Vornaxians wept as they buried their saviors, their crystalline tears shimmering in the cold light.
Years later, at a commemoration ceremony on Vornax, an elder Vornaxian spoke before a gathered assembly of intergalactic dignitaries. His voice was filled with emotion as he recounted the sacrifices made by the humans. "They came to us in our darkest hour, not as conquerors, but as liberators."
A Kreeva representative, known for their isolationist views, scoffed. "Why do you honor the humans so? They are known for their imperial ambitions."
General Lee, attending as a guest of honor, stepped forward, his voice steady and powerful. "When the Insectoids enslaved the Vornaxians, we fought and died for their freedom. We did not conquer; we liberated. Thousands of human lives were lost to ensure that the Vornaxians could live free from tyranny."
The elder Vornaxian, crystalline eyes glistening, added, "The humans gave everything so that we could have our future. I still visit the grave of a human soldier who saved my family, who lies buried in our soil as one of our own. His name was Michael, and he was just twenty-three."
The Kreeva representative, usually quick to argue, found himself silent in the face of such conviction and sacrifice. The weight of the moment pressed down on the assembly.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
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Jennie Pu, the Director of the Hoboken Public Library, has been recognized by the Library Journal as one of its 2024 Movers and Shakers for her work in supporting the freedom to read.
The national honor awarded by the Library Journal is given to 50 individuals each year, and Pu, representing the Hoboken Public Library, is the sole recipient in New Jersey.
Along with the Board of Directors, Pu led the way in declaring Hoboken Public Library a Book Sanctuary last summer in response to a year of unprecedented book bans in certain states that mainly targeted books about LGBTQ+ and other minority groups. Shortly after, in September, the City of Hoboken followed suit with the City Council voting unanimously to declare Hoboken a Book Sanctuary City.

The heavy clouds mirrored the somber mood as mourners gathered beneath the ancient oak tree, its branches swaying gently in the breeze. The scent of fresh earth mingled with the sweet fragrance of lilies, evoking memories of a life both cherished and mourned. In the hush, broken only by the distant call of a mourning dove, friends and family stood together, united in their grief and love.
 
HERE LIES PREDICTION LEAGUE
2017-2024
 
The tombstone’s inscription a sobering message of the fleeting joy it brought to its beloved fans, as the raspy words of the pleading eulogy echo through the cemetery
 
^{Nopredictionleague?}
 
A low rumble from beneath the freshly turned earth sends a shiver down the spines of the mourners. Suddenly, the ground splits open, and a skeletal hand claws its way to the surface, dirt falling away like a dark veil. Gasps and cries of terror fill the air as the corpse, impossibly animated, rises from its grave. Its eyes vacant and lifeless, flesh gaunt and slack, it begins to speak...
 
M̶̟͋y̶̢͘ ̸̺̍b̵͌ͅą̴͒d̸̢̉ ̴̯̍a̷͐͜b̸͓͗o̶͕͗ủ̵͓t̵̻́ ̸͛ͅt̸͚̀h̷̛͎ỉ̵͔s̷͔̀ ̶̣̐m̵̺̿o̵̡̓n̷̹͠t̶͈̒h̷͇̽ ̸͈̆g̶̣͘ṳ̴̌y̶̱̍s̷̻̕,̵̗̊ ̵̰̒Ȉ̷̙ ̶̄͜h̷̥̔a̶̺͒d̵̩̉ ̸͍̑t̴͍͝o̵̧͝ ̴̙̓k̵̤͂ỉ̷̫c̶̖̎k̴͓̓ ̵̰́s̴̝̃c̷̟̈́h̸̨͑o̷̱̅ŏ̴̭l̷̘̅ ̷̓͜t̴̪̿o̶̹͝ ̷̨̀t̵̹͒h̸̡̃e̴̪̓ ̷̻̈́b̵̫͘a̵̡͊c̵̜͝k̸̗͛b̷͓̋ũ̵̦r̸̠̓n̷͔͌e̶̬͊r̸̳̒ ̷̻̎f̸͓͝ő̶̭ŕ̵͕ ̶̛̳a̴̲̓ ̸͚̿b̸͓̆i̷̱̊ẗ̷̠́ ̴͍̈ṫ̷̩ẖ̵́į̷́s̷͚̍ ̸͓͆s̴̤͝ǘ̴̜ṁ̸̤m̵͖͊e̶̙̚r̴̲̓ ̷̜̃ä̷̠n̵̮̏d̷͕̓ ̷̙̈p̴̞̑ī̶̟c̵̱̊k̸̛͕ ̵̗͂u̸͙̓p̷̲̾ ̸̟͒ȃ̸͉ ̶̥͒c̸̳̆ǫ̵́n̸͙̑s̷̺̎u̸̚͜l̴̤̋t̸̥͐ì̸̳n̸̠̆g̵̳͘ ̶̛͉g̸͓̔i̵̻͒g̵͈͂ ̵̦̀ĩ̷͇n̸̮̐ ̷̮͑m̸͔͊y̸̭̓ ̴̝̈́o̸͚͗l̶͔͆d̷̘͋ ̶͓̀f̸͓̔i̵̭̿ȇ̵̡l̸̦͛d̷̝͑ ̶̫̍o̶̧͐f̶̥̓ ̸̮̓w̶̞̽ỏ̷͖r̵͉͂k̶̲͋ ̷͓̑t̴͈̍ő̸̟ ̸̭͒d̶̹͘r̵̛͇u̶̪̅m̴̨̅ ̷͚̓u̶̱͒p̴̻̈́ ̶͚̈́ś̵̢ȍ̷͈m̸̝̽e̸͔̓ ̵̹̃m̸̟͆o̵̢͝r̶̼̆ḛ̶̔ ̸̮̐c̵̱̔ą̵̊s̶̱̕h̵̜͗ ̶̻̊ą̴͐s̴̠̍ ̸̛͙ţ̶̈́h̷̃͜e̵͙͐ ̵̲͐m̷̩̌i̶̯̅s̶͝ͅs̸͈̈ǘ̸̥s̵̞͊ ̵͙̂w̵̞̋ä̶̗n̷̲̓t̶̩͋s̷͑ͅ ̸̲̅a̷̫͐n̶̞̄ö̸̦́t̴͍̂h̶̬͝e̵̛̮r̵͕̓ ̷̛̪ṭ̶͒r̶̉͜i̶̤̽p̶̦͝ ̷̦̈́o̶̠͂v̷͎̈ê̸̦r̶͛͜s̶̯̕e̴̯̊ǎ̶̮s̸͎͝.̷̜̽ ̴̱́I̴̡̅ ̵͍͝g̷̤͝e̶͍͠n̵̟̒ű̸͙i̸̹͆n̴̘͑e̴̟͋l̴̠͝y̴̻͝ ̴̮̊d̷͝ͅo̷͈͘ ̶̮͌e̴̻͌ṋ̵̈́j̵͈͒ö̵̼y̷̱̒ ̷̎ͅd̵̯͐ọ̶͗i̴̼͗ň̸̟g̵̘͝ ̴̫́p̵͙͠r̷̢͋e̸̾ͅd̷̥͝ī̸̧ć̸̣ť̷̼ĩ̷ͅo̵̪̒n̶͈͋ ̷̩̊l̶̥̇e̷̻̎â̵̪ĝ̴̪û̷̡e̷̺̾ ̷̺̿ą̶̿n̵͈̊d̵̘͘ ̶̘̃t̷̜͂h̴̨͠e̷̝̓ ̵͎̃s̸̱̾t̵̯̽a̸͉͘t̷̺̂s̷̻̐ ̸̫́a̵̤͝ṋ̵̕d̴̤͆ ̷̘̆ş̴͊p̸̥͠r̷͕̕e̵̮̚a̷̝̎d̷͍͠s̶̲͊ḧ̴́͜e̴̝͒e̸̥̒ṫ̸̩s̶̛̘ ̵͍̏i̶̖͝n̵̞̂ ̶͔̐p̴̢͊ā̷̝r̷̜͝t̷̖͠i̸͕͆c̶͚̆u̴̹͐l̵͉̒a̵̦͗r̶̮̀ ̴͕́ạ̴̽r̶͇̈ë̵̹́ ̵͍͒h̶͔͠ȯ̶̭b̴̧̕b̵͉͋i̵͓͒e̷̮̋s̴̗̑ ̶̧͝o̸͙̚f̷̲̏ ̴̧͗m̵̼̃i̸͉͒ņ̴͝e̶̟͋ ̶̡̇t̴͇̔h̸͚̆a̷̯̚t̶̮͝ ̸̧̾d̸͇̀ȍ̸͓ ̴̤̌b̵̝̒r̷̹̓i̸͎͝n̴͕̄g̷̯͐ ̷͓̈́m̵̭̂ȩ̸̕ ̶̜͒ĵ̵̨ò̶͇y̶̳̎.̶̦͆ ̴̱̔Ȁ̸̻n̵̳̽ŷ̶͚ẇ̴͖ḁ̴̅y̸͓̑s̷͈̈́,̷̪̈́ ̵̱̈́w̵̮̏i̴͋ͅt̷̰̒h̶̺̍o̸̯͌u̸̬͂t̴͙̅ ̷̪͝f̸̣̈́u̴̜̔r̵̲̈t̵̡͗h̴͕̐e̷̡͋r̴̙̋ ̵̀͜ą̸̑ď̷͚o̶̙͆,̸̣͘ ̵͇̈́W̶̞̕E̴̹͋L̴̪̈́C̶̻̀O̸̲͊Ḿ̶̪E̷̫͂ ̷̖̃T̵̮̅O̶̥͘ ̴̖̃T̶̲̈H̸̙͘I̷͚̍S̸̙̔ ̴͉̎M̸̟̐Ǒ̸̬N̸͔͝T̶̼̂H̶̥͠’̷̰̀S̴̚ͅ ̴̭̓R̷̘̽O̴̹͑U̶̳̍N̷̞͑D̸̫̋ ̵̫̎O̵̗͒F̴̲̐ ̸̺͊P̵̳͌R̵̻̃E̴̛̫Ḑ̸̀-
 
The ghoulish phantom's twisted words are cut short as the crowd of mourners turned frenzied mob descend upon the abomination with pitchforks and torches slaying it mid-monologue. We'll never truly know what it was trying to say, nor should anyone really care.
 
*** End Credits Roll ***
 
Now without further ado, let's get down to the numbers for this round!
 
Congratulations to
shiro321
kewlgal28
For winning this round with correct predictions of a combination of
Steel Rising - Guessed correctly by 13 users or 18% of all participants (WOW!)
Hi-Fi RUSH - Guessed correctly by 3 users or 4% of all participants
 
Honorable mentions to Gramd for being the only person to correctly predict Loddlenaut
 
A total of 72 users participated in this month’s round with 16 users (22%) correctly guessing 1 or more titles.
Besides Steel Rising (13 / 18%) and Hi-Fi RUSH (3 / 4%) users also correctly predicted
Yakuza: Like a Dragon (2/ 2.7%)
Loddlenaut (Just Gramd / 1.4%)
 
Nobody guessed we’d see
King Of The Castle
Bravery and Greed
Amanda the Adventurer
Mediterranea Inferno
¯\(ツ)/¯
 
and here are the standing for this season's prediction league as of now
 
thomasthe1st - 16 points
biohazardbattle - 16 points
Gramd - 15 points
Porruno - 14 points
skinny_thief - 14 points
HerrieM - 13 points
diogenesl - 12 points
Leszczyn - 12 points
shiro321 - 10 points
MJuniorDC9 - 9
 
Predictions For June 2024 humble choice will close June 3 2024 at 2359PST or sooner pending leak. June 2024 Choice will go live at June 4 10am PST
 
The scorekeeping for this season's prediction league is can be found here with the test branch available for viewing here. Please let me know if you have any suggestions, concerns or complaints either here, in the scoreboard, or via the discord If you believe your score was tallied incorrectly, please shoot me a dm wherever convenient for you and I'll get it taken care of asap. Thank you all for your patience, kindness and outpouring of support for this season of prediction league.
 
The Top Scoreres of Season 6
u/biohazardbattle 21 🥇
u/Fall-Historical 17 🥈
u/Leszczyn 16 🥉
u/Phoenix_Samurai 16 🥉
 
What is Prediction League?
Prediction League is a fan-run competition, where each month people try to predict which games will be in the upcoming Humble Choice. Every user can guess up to 15 games and the highest price of one of them. Submissions are then scored based on the criteria below, and at the end of the season, the best players will become known throughout the land, with prizes for top scorers to be disbursed at the end of season.
 
New Season Changes
If you haven't played this season before, please read the short Rules and Scoring lists below so you are familiar with the new additions. Total Bundle Value, Number of Games, Highest Game Price and extra points for round winners have been removed. Scoring for this season is automatically calculated with results published the day of choice.
Scoreboard for Season 7
Test Branch scoreboard for Season 7
 
Rules:
Post a maximum of 15 game predictions. If you post more, only the first 15 posted will count, even if you predicted a game as your #16. Please, make sure to spell game names correctly. Otherwise, they might get overlooked by the search function. All versions of a game, like standard and deluxe, will be considered to be the same. If a Choice includes a deluxe version, you don't lose or gain points for not guessing it was the deluxe. Feel free to edit your comment at any time, but not later than a week after the Prediction League was posted. If you guessed a leaked game before the leak happened, your guess(es) will remain valid and will still count for points. If you submit your prediction after the leak or edit your comment to include a leaked game, those games will not count for any points. Purposely using leaked games may also remove your previous points from the leaderboard.
 
Scoring:
Each correctly predicted game is worth 2 points. Predicting three or more games in a single round is worth 2 additional points. Being the only person to correctly predict a game is worth 1 point. Predicting a game in the same series as one included in choice is worth 1 point. For example, guessing Dark Souls II will grant 1 point if Dark Souls III is in Choice. However guessing Sekiro does not grant a point if Elden Ring was included, since they don't share a name.
 
Tips
Look at past Humble Choices and recent bundles. Humble doesn't usually repeat these games, so they don't make for good guesses. Look for recent freebies on sites like Epic or Amazon Games. Many games have been given away there, and then go to Humble a couple months later. Games that have gone on sale recently. Think big and small! Humble Choice headlines some large titles, but also includes smaller indies. New releases probably won't be included, think of titles released a year or two back. When in doubt, copium. If you've run out of ideas, you could put games from your wishlist and hope they appear in Choice.
 
Prediction League Hall of Fame
Season 1 Champion (2017-2018) - u/K_U
Season 2 Champion (2018-2019) - u/DeliriumTrigger
Season 3 Champion (2019-2020) - u/HiTechGreg
Season 4 Champion (2020-2021) - u/Genkii123
Season 5 Champion (2021-2022) - u/biohazardbattle
Season 6 Champion (2022-2023) - u/biohazardbattle
Season 7 (Oct2023-Oct2024) - Ongoing
 
As always, please let me know if you have any suggestions, concerns, complaints or are just in need of someone to talk to. I will am always available via Discord or steam. And if you have a chance please join the community discord! With the next fiscal year I would like to shortly enact plans for more community funded giveaways/prizes.
Edits -

For further information on behalf of MAG Silver Corp. Contact Michael J. Curlook, Vice President, Investor Relations and Communications Phone: (604) 630-1399 Toll Free: (866) 630-1399 Email: info@magsilver.com 

I thought the day would never come that I’d finally get over the loss of my best friend. We were friends from 8 years old until 27. My marriage fell into shambles and my husband pushed us into non monogamous relationships. It was hell but my best friend comforted me through it. She even was encouraging as I connected with a man I never should have but when he and I were to meet at a hotel and spend a week together her religious conviction took precedence. She told me how she felt and I listened but obviously felt that since I was an adult it was my right to choose my own path but she however decided to go behind me and tell her mother so she would then tell my mother and blow my world apart. My mother didn’t speak to me for a month afterwards and we lived next door.
It took a lot to forgive her for shoving me out of a closet she knew I didn’t even want to be a part of and permanently damaging my relationship with my family but I did forgive her and I tried desperately to connect with her. I ended that romantic relationship and eventually my marriage and had a new life with a new man just the two of us and was picking up the pieces of my life.
But all she did was leave me on read. Never answered. I was there for her grandfathers funeral still but finally I needed an answer. It had been two years since she decided for religious reasons to implode my life and outside of her grandfathers death she’d ignored me.
So I reached out and this was her reply:
JAN 27, 2021 AT 4:12 AM Me: Hey can I ask you something JAN 27, 2021 AT 8:09 PM Me: That answers my question then JAN 29, 2021 AT 2:06 AM Me: Do you still think of us as friends? JAN 29, 2021 AT 9:07 AM Me: If you don't I understand, I just want to know where I stand and I think any person deserves to hear that directly rather than just thru loss of connection. I did some things I'm not proud of and regret but you've never even given me the chance to tell you that. Every time l've tried to see you you've dodged the question entirely. I ended that ridiculous relationship a long time ago and straightened out my life. I wished I could have sat and talk to you face to face about all that but you've made it clear you didn't want to see me. So l just want a chance to tell you finally that the things I did that were wrong were almost immediately ended. I also want to know where I stand with you for real. If you don't want to be my friend anymore then l'll go but I deserve to hear that from you rather than assume it. JAN 29, 2021 AT 11:47 AM Me: I can see you're just going to leave me on read then. I will accept that as your answer and I'm sorry to see the 19 years we've had is over and even more so without an answer from you as to exactly why
15 days later FEB 12, 2021 AT 9:58 PM Her: My NAME, I'm sorry that l've only just been able to get back to you. I was very emotionally spent when you texted me because Sugar (her dog) has been in and out of the vet and ER for weeks for her health and I am very stressed with that. She is not doing well. I do believe that we are on very different life paths now. There is nothing wrong with life bringing change and I am very glad we had so many fun adventures together growing up, but, unfortunately, I don't recognize my childhood friend in the person I see you as now. I feel like it is best to move on and grow on our own separate paths. I wish only happiness and health for you and your family. I would like to apologize for not being more present during the times when you needed a good friend close by. I don't consider this a failed friendship. I wish you nothing but good for your future and I am sad to see it end in this way.
I didn’t have the words to reply to that message. She chalked up 19 years to “fun adventures”, we went to college together, she was my maid of honor, I was at the airport when she left the country for a year, she went with me and my family every summer to my grandmothers lake cabin. I tried many times after to contact her and was left on read until her father died then she needed me and I was there but after that I was back to being left on read and then after Sept 18 2021 she didn’t even read them anymore
On Dec 22nd 2022 I sent my final message which I then unsent and never tried again. I had been and would continue to regularly dream about her. Dreams of reconnecting finally but usually just about seeing her but she would not speak to or look at me. Those dreams haunted me and I just wanted them to stop.
I got married two months ago, I have my own place, I have custody of my son, I have a beautiful life that I fought through hell to get and I saw a post shared in another group this morning from someone completely left out of a girls trip and how broken hearted they felt. That was the first I’d even thought of my ex best friend since idk when. I realized then that I don’t think about her anymore.
So to my ex best friend I’d like to say, I don’t miss you anymore, outside of rare random updates from my mother who’s still kept at an arms length friendship with your mother I don’t even think about you anymore. I don’t wonder anymore if your husband got his visa or if you’ve decided to have a family. I don’t wonder if you got your own home or if your business ever took off. I don’t miss our yearly trips to my grandmothers lake cabin. I don’t wonder anymore why I was not even a part of your wedding when we were 26 when you’d been my maid of honor 4 years prior. You were the first person I called when I started contracting in labor with my son but he’s 8 now and doesn’t even know your name because I don’t speak about you anymore. I don’t care about you anymore and it doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m glad you’re not my friend any longer because you never truly were the friend to me I was to you. Yes there were many times you were not a “good friend” but I didn’t need a “good friend close by”. I needed my best friend and you were not there, not for much of the good or the bad unless I made the effort first. I look back now and can see how little there was to even really miss and I can thank you now for leaving my life. I’m glad you’re gone.
I have healed from you.

https://bgodinspired.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/1716312022.png

Exploring The Marvel of Mount Sinai: A Divine Encounter

Imagine standing at the foot of a towering mountain, the air electric with anticipation, knowing you are about to witness a divine miracle. This is not a scene from the latest blockbuster movie, but a pivotal moment in biblical history—the giving of the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai. In this post, we will journey together through this transformative event and uncover the timeless wisdom it imparts for today’s world.

Setting the Scene: A Covenant on Mount Sinai

The story of the Ten Commandments being given to Moses on Mount Sinai is a cornerstone of faith for multiple religions, chronicled in the Book of Exodus. After leading the Israelites out of Egyptian slavery, Moses ascends Mount Sinai where he enters the presence of God. What follows is not just the reception of laws but the establishment of a covenant between God and His people, highlighting themes of obedience, loyalty, and—above all—love.

• Exodus 19:5-6: “Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine.”
• Exodus 20:1-17: The Ten Commandments—a divine moral code.

The Ten Commandments: A Path to Freedom

The Ten Commandments are often seen as rules; however, at their heart, they’re guidance from a loving Father to His children, designed not to restrict but to liberate. Let’s explore how these ancient words still hold profound implications for living a fulfilled life today.

1. Love and honor God above all.
2. Worship and serve the Lord only, acknowledging His holiness.
3. Honor the sacredness of God’s name, speaking it with reverence.
4. Observe the Sabbath day by resting and reflecting on God’s goodness.
5. Respect and honor one’s parents, fostering harmony within families.
6. Value the sanctity of life, cherishing each day given by God.
7. Uphold fidelity and purity within the bounds of marriage.
8. Practice integrity, respecting others’ possessions.
9. Engender trust, speaking truthfully and avoiding deceit.
10. Live with contentment, free from envy of others’ blessings.

Embracing the Ten Commandments in Daily Life

Engaging with the Ten Commandments isn’t about adhering to a list of dos and don’ts; it’s about shaping a life that reflects God’s love and righteousness. In embracing these commandments, you cultivate a heart that seeks to honor God, cherish your neighbors, and live a life of integrity and purpose. Consider how these timeless principles can be applied in your relationships, work, and personal growth.

The Mount Sinai Moment: A Call to Action

In reflecting on the monumental event at Mount Sinai, we are reminded of our own moments of encountering God’s presence and truth. Just as the Israelites were called to live in accordance with divine principles, we too are invited to embrace this sacred guidance in every aspect of our lives. Let this historical moment inspire you to seek a deeper relationship with God, to live by His commandments, and to thrive in the freedom they provide.
Today, I encourage you to reflect on the relevance of the Ten Commandments in your life. How can they guide your actions, decisions, and relationships? Remember, through God’s wisdom and love, we find the path to true freedom and fulfillment.
If you want to want to research more Bible Answers on your own, please try our Bible Answers GPT. It’s easy to get lost in the interesting responses you’ll find… every search is like a new treasure hunt 🙂
Source =

Intended Major: Data Science / Computer Science (changes depending on the school i'm applying to)
GPA: 3.81 UW, 4.92 W out of 6 (includes courses from middle school 😭 )
UC Gpa since I am applying to a lot of them: 3.90 UW, 4.57 W, 4.17 weighted and capped
Class Rank: Outside top 10% because of some high school courses I took during 7th and 8th grade. Got straight Bs and Cs unfortunately.
SAT: 1450 (750M 700 RW, didn't study at all, trying again in august after studying)
Race: Asian
Gender: Male
Background: middle-class immigrant family.
School: Competitive Public High School
State: Texas
19 APs total (12 taken so far) AP Human Geography- 4, AP World - 5, AP Physics 1- 5, failed Spanish Lang 💀, waiting on all others
Senior year course load - AP Stats, AP Physics C (Mech and E&M), AP Gov/Econ, AP Lit, Data Structures And Algorithms (course after AP CSA, gpa is weighted the same as AP), and Calc III / Differential Equations dual enrollment, APES.
Main Extracurriculars:

1. Created an open-source flight board website/app for a Flight Simulator Multiplayer server that displays information on each flight including departure/arrival times and status. Displays busiest airports and flight routes, and predicts future routes and flight recommendations based on historical data such as ATC availability. Website has 400 users and receives approximately 4.5K visits daily, with a maximum of 1022 distinct users in April. I have also created my own API that gives relevant information such as time remaining and specific departure times that are not shown in the original API that I used to create the flight board.
   
2. Interning at State School’s CS lab this summer and will research and create a final project about how businesses use the data they collect to make future decisions to increase profit. This aligns with my goal of becoming a data scientist and going into the machine learning field, so I thought this would be pretty important.
   
3. Active addon creator for Microsoft Flight Simulator - Developed many addons such as aircraft liveries, realistically modeled airports, and the biggest one being a graphics mod to make the sim look more realistic. ~2500 downloads for all mods
   
4. Computer Science Club: Competed in multiple competitive coding competitions such as UTD Battle of the Brains, A&M Codewars, Lockheed Martin Codequest, Computer Science UIL, and many other online ones such as Devpost and CyberPatriots (did this with my friends for fun, unfortunately didnt win anything). I have also demoed my personal projects in this club and have helped members with learning Python and HTML, since our school’s curriculum is only based on Java.
   
5. Personal Computer Science Projects - Just a couple of projects that I made in the past few years that have helped me improve my understanding of coding. My school only offers Java, so these projects were incredibly helpful when it came to understanding R, Python, and JavaScript. My favorite project is a volunteer log tool that breaks down my total hours based on the number of hours that I have volunteered at my local food packing facility and how many boxes each table can pack. Using this information, I can derive how many boxes I have personally helped make and how many children I have fed through my contributions.
   
6. Created a review guide for AP Physics 1 that compiled the most important formulas and concepts from our lessons and resources. I also compiled an entire mock exam’s worth of MCQ and FRQ questions to test the hardest questions from each unit. On exam day, there were 54 people on the doc, so there were at least 50 people I impacted with this. I have also recently started a tutoring service for people who are struggling with physics and people who are taking Physics in the future (doing it on Saturday and Sunday every week).
   
7. Volunteering at a local food packing facility for ~105 hours. Volunteered at every position including pourer, bagger, weigher, and warehouse crew.
   
8. Volunteering at NHS organized events for 15 hours.
   
9. Completed Harvard’s CS50 course back in sophomore year (my website stated above evolved from my final project for CS50, which was a flight board on command prompt lol)
   
10. Part of the National Science Honors Society and Cybersecurity club at my school.
    

Awards (I am cooked 😔):

1. National Merit Commended (probably gonna get this)
   
2. PVSA silver award
   
3. Computer Science UIL awards
   
4. AP Scholar (probably with distinciton in july)
   

LOR: AP Calc - 8 (maybe 9) /10, did really well in her class and asked a lot of questions. she was also impressed by my resume, but I didn't talk to her a lot personally. I've heard that she writes good rec letters tho. AP Physics - 7/10
Schools:
Reach : UT Austin (Statistics / Data Science), UMich (CS lsa), UC Berkeley (Applied Math, my dream school), UCLA (Stats/Data Science), Purdue (CS or AI major), UIUC (Computer Engineering or CS + Stats), UCSD (data science or Math-CS), UCI (CS), UCSB (CE), UW Madison (CS), Georgia Tech (CS, doing this one for fun lol), USC
Target: Texas A&M Engineering (attainable dream school), UT Dallas (CS), Colorado Boulder (CS), UMD College Park (CS), Penn State (CS), NCSU (CS)
Safety (if I get into UTD rolling then i wont apply here): UNT, Texas Tech, ASU
Notes: I want to settle in the bay area after going to college, and want to become a data scientist (seems more interesting to me than becoming a swe, my opinion might change) at a well-respected company, preferably in the aerospace industry since I've had an interest in aviation since my childhood. I might also do grad school.
Thoughts?

I am entering my senior year in UG and am starting to gather materials to apply for masters programs and one PhD program. I have a 3.91 cumulative GPA at a top 50 school right now (have been here 3 years), but I transferred in from community college and during my second semester, covid hit. I finished Spring 2020 semester with no problems but took two online summer 2020 courses in which I ended up getting a C- (precalc) and a C+ (intro bio course). I have never gotten anything below a B and these grades dropped my community college GPA to a cumulative 3.12. These two courses are completely and utterly unrelated to my field of study, and as soon as I transferred to a four year schooI started getting all A's with an occasional A-.
For a little more info about my EC's: I was president of an academic journal for 2 years, will have 1.5 years of research experience by end of my senior year, studied abroad, did 2 internships, have 2 publications so far (albeit with my own journal), I won a couple awards, am in an honors society, and am in the honors program writing a thesis. I will be applying to both humanities programs and education programs.
TLDR; Do two poor grades for one summer semester during covid explain themselves? Or do I need to explain them in my SOP?

Hey everyone,
I'm currently someone (30M) who has always had folks by my side all my life as part of "my team," as my parents call it. A major reason for this outside support network is because I'm autistic, have ADHD-I, dysgraphia, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD (more on that later), and processing speed in the 3rd percentile. I did not learn I was autistic until I was 14 and always took medication for it and my ADHD-I. I also did not know I had ADHD-I until I was 24-25 because I was on my own for submitting the records of my disabilities to the graduate schools I've attended up until this point. As for my processing speed, I did not learn it was that low until this past August when I sought a DSM-V re-evaluation with my own money.
My mental health symptoms were so severe that, despite doing well academically in a suburban school district that was well funded through property taxes (I'm in the US so the education system here is messed up), I transitioned to a tiny high school that specifically accommodated disabled students. This school had no AP, honors courses, or foreign language courses offered at all. I enrolled in a rural undergraduate school because they gave me the best scholarship offer and my parents insisted on getting as many scholarships as I could (more on this towards the end of the post). Despite my university's reputation as the "stoner college" of northern Ohio, I got my butt handed to me academically and had a 3.1 GPA from that undergraduate and a 3.26 from all of my courses overall. Part of the reason was because I went for a BS, rather than a BA, in Psychology and didn't do well in the math courses with the exception of when I retook Calculus 2.
After my first year, I wanted to take a break from college, but I was forced to stay at the behest of my parents. They even hired a life coach who worked with me from a distance for all four years. As grateful as I am for that support, I realize it was the beginning of issues with becoming totally independent. Fast forward to graduation and I have one summer's worth of lab experience and a 3.5 PSY GPA to my name. I'm forced to take a gap year because I applied only to Ph.D programs (big mistake) and had low GRE scores.
So, how did I get into graduate school with my awful credentials? My parents hired a different coach who specialized in job applications and had a lot of connections. I was able to sell what little I had and get offers to 6/8 Master's programs I applied to in Experimental Psychology and had solid references that explicitly address that they thought I could do well despite my shortcomings. This coach taught me how to contact potential advisors and professors ahead of time and taught me the ins and outs of selling myself to get in.
My final Master's record upon graduation was a 3.48 GPA and I graduated a semester later. My final year of the Master's program, I reconsulted my old coach who helped me write my personal statement and get in contact with potential advisors again. I got two interviews and had one offer of admission to the current Ph.D program I'm in right now. This was despite my lackluster GPA (both undergrad and Master's) and not taking another 10 hours for an assistantship during my Master's program (no additional TAship or RAship in other words, even though everyone else in my program did something extra by their second year).
After I matriculated into the program, I got my Master's in December 2020 due to COVID delays and defending later than I had hoped in my case. I eventually had an ugly falling out with my first advisor due to a misunderstanding (I'll leave it at that since this background detail is already long), but thankfully passed my qualifier project still. I think the world of my current advisor, especially since he was the only one who took me when no one else would at all. I developed PTSD from the experience with my first advisor based on a neuropsychological evaluation I got back in August 2023. When I spoke to the original evaluator for my autism, she said that it was only likely that way because my stress management is characteristically poor and I have extremely low stress tolerance.
Fast forward to now and I recently turned 30 earlier this month. I am back with the old coach who helped me with my Master's and Ph.D applications once again and they're even helping me with "life stuff," getting through all of it and were immensely crucial for helping me get through the situation with my first Ph.D advisor.
I am thankful for the help I've received, but as the top of comment of a previous post alluded to in this instance, I have not learned to walk on my own.
In case this information is relevant, I have $53k in student loan debt principal. The undergraduate loans are eligible under Biden's SAVE plan and have their interest waived when payments are due since they're $0 at the moment. I have about $26k saved right now that I'm not going to put back toward my $24k of graduate loans until I know if I have income after this August.
I have student loan debt even though my father makes over $200k a year ever since I was around 10 years old and my mother makes anywhere between $60k-$80k a year. My parents do not have student loans since neither went to college. I also just learned that the coach billed my parents for around $680 each month over past two (highest ever). Even though its $100 per one hour session (thus leading me to think it was $200 a month since we meet twice a month). Turns out they charged for email and text communications with me even though those were encouraged. Should I feel guilty for not keeping track of the spending despite the agreement with my parents to help me on that? Given everything else mentioned earlier, should I feel guilty for "blowing through" these support systems? Folks love to tell me that someone who had half the resources I did taking my spot in graduate school instead could've gone further.
There is also something else I've been wondering ever since I learned their income levels. Other than the spending on me and my brothers, why would they be that insistent on me and my brothers taking out student loans? They said that they, my grandparents, and me would all pay for "a third" and part of that third on me and my brother's end was taking out student loans. I should also note that I went to a private high school for those with disabilities tuition free despite my parent's income as well because I got an autism scholarship from the state of Ohio that waived tuition.
Only other things I know that are finance related are the $350k in loans (not sure if this was principal or principal + interest) my father took out for his small business, which I know were paid off around my junior year of undergrad. Other than that, I don't know the mortgage of the house or anything else related to its value. I do know there's a mortgage in general though because one of my brothers asked if he paid for the house upfront and he said he did not at all and took out a loan. What else could be underlying their spending? I'm open to hearing others speculate.
Also, thank you for reading this super long post.

Each week, Jews read seven passages from the Law (Torah) and one from the Prophets. This week's prophetic reading, which comes from the Book of Jeremiah, Ch 32, gives me hope for FFIE.
G-d tells Jeremiah to buy a plot of land and go through the meticulous process of documenting his purchase. Shortly thereafter, the land is conquered by the Chaldeans, who lay waste to the cities and do not honor the bill of sale.
Jeremiah complains (32:25): "You told me, o Eternal Master, that I should purchase the plot for money and bring forth witnesses, but the city has been given into the hands of the Chaldeans."
G-d responds (32:41-44): "I will yet plant my people back in this land. [...] This field will yet be purchased for money. In this land--which you call a wasteland without man nor beast--which has been given over to the Chaleans, fields shall again be purchased for money."
In other words, G-d tells Jeremiah to HODL, because things will get better.
G-d says, trust the process