Hi yall! So going on a cruise soon and wanted to hair my bikini area completely so I can wear bathing suits. My issue is that I have this weird bump that sometimes gets pus and it will constantly get popped or the scabbing rubbed off (from sitting/crossing my legs) i know its a no no to use nair on an open wound but this hasnt healed for months. Any tips? Is it really that bad to use it on broken skin?

I sit alone in my room on the seventh floor, writing what will surely be my last will and testament. The heroin which allowed me to forget and to sleep for the last couple of years has lost its power to keep the screaming terrors away. The drug destroyed my body and mind, gradually eating away at them like a corrosive acid. Now I have become a slave to it. And yet, without it, I do not sleep for weeks, but instead continuously see the scenes from that terrible night running through my head on repeat as worsening waves of madness crash on the shores of my consciousness.
In the caverns under the town of Frost Hollow, I found the meaning of true madness. Ever since I escaped that den of horrors, it is difficult to tell what is real and what is only the feverish delirium of an unhinged mind.
Even now, they wait behind the door to this cheap, bare rented room. They drag their claws over the wood. I hear them hissing in that strange, ancient tongue, the one I first heard in the tombs of rock that had been undisturbed for countless millennia.
***
I had first heard rumors of an unexplored cavern from my friend, an experienced caver named Sonia who had explored caverns all over the world. I had been looking for some excitement in my life, some break from the constant monotony and boredom of simply working and sleeping. I had gone caving quite a few times over the year leading up to the trip, but I was not nearly as experienced and had never explored a supposedly virgin passageway of cavern before.
“How do you know no one’s gone down there?” I asked, curious. We sat across from each other at a local diner, getting some early breakfast before our planned descent. The sunrise was still another half-hour away, the sky flat and dark. We would be joined by Sonia’s husband, Phil, who would meet us there shortly after sunrise. I repressed an urge to yawn, chugging half of the steaming hot coffee in one long swallow. Sonia leaned close to me, her nearly colorless blue eyes reminding me of chunks of ice floating down a muddy stream.
“Phil’s friend just found it randomly,” she whispered before glancing around conspiratorially, as if she feared someone would care enough to eavesdrop on a conversation about a cave. “Well, it’s in the middle of a farm, and Phil’s friend, Jack Graysole, owns the entire property and surrounding woods. Jack says he noticed the cows kept going over to a certain spot in the field when it got really hot during the summertime. They would all gather around this little indentation in the grass. After seeing it a few times, Jack got curious and went to investigate what the cows were doing.
“He found a small hole in the ground, almost entirely covered by weeds and grass. He said he felt a cool breeze constantly blowing out of the hole, a breeze that smelled like burning matches and charred metal. After bringing out some shovels and digging down a couple feet, Jack realized that the hole wasn’t a hole at all, but the beginning of a steep passageway leading deep into the bowels of the earth.”
***
The owner of the land decided to unofficially call the newly-discovered cavern Graysole Caverns. Out of respect for him, this is also the name we all used. This is the story of how I found myself in the bowels of a strange subterranean tunnel, a tunnel where creatures beyond my comprehension slunk and hunted, skittering monstrosities who would be more at home in a nightmare.
After grabbing a couple coffees to take with us, Sonia drove over to Graysole Farms. Cows stood out in the grassy fields, huddled in tight circles as they repetitively chewed. The thin silhouette of Jack Graysole waited for us next to the herd. He had a face like a raisin, I thought to myself. I watched his thin, shaking body standing in the middle of an overgrown grassy field. Jack stared down blankly at something only he could see. Sonia and I started unloading some equipment from the car while we waited for Phil.
Once we had the backpacks loaded with some simple supplies, such as water, food, headlamps, rope, a couple extra batteries, some buck knives, and radios, we headed over to accompany Jack. We weren’t taking much, as we didn’t really expect to be down there for more than six or seven hours at the most.
Jack Graysole’s withered old face was as slack and expressionless as that of a corpse. He stared down at the ground as if he were in a trance, waving back and forth slowly on his feet like a plant in a light breeze.
“Jack?” Sonia called out as we approached. I could hear the man’s teeth chattering as we got nearer.
“Hey, what are you doing over here this early? You interested in accompanying us down there?” Sonia joked. But Jack might as well have been totally deaf for all the reaction he gave. Sonia glanced over at me with an anxious expression. I wondered if the old man was having a stroke.
I quickly walked over to where he stood, staring down at a black circular hole about three feet across directly in front of his feet. The entrance to Graysole Caverns stared up at us like a sightless pupil. As I drew within a few feet of Jack and looked straight into his blank eyes, I noticed something alarming.
His pupils were quickly dilating and constricting before my eyes. They would shrink to tiny pinpoints, then, a couple seconds later, rapidly expand until they became dark and serious. I could see his thready, rapid heartbeat pulsating in a vein on the side of his temple. Alarmed, I reached forward and put my hand on his shoulder.
Instantly, he came to life, like a man waking up from a nightmare. Shrieking, he looked at me with fully dilated pupils, reminding me of a panicked deer surrounded by wolves. His quavering old man’s voice shook with ineffable existential horror and mortal fear.
He took a step back away from us, seeming to realize where he was and what he was doing. He looked around, confused, then straight at me and Sonia. His eyes focused with anger and fear, as if we were demons here to drag him down to Hell. His eyes flicked back and forth between us constantly. Jack raised a trembling hand and pointed it straight at my heart.
“It’s you,” he said, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. His teeth chattered despite the warm spring air. His skin looked deathly pale. “You’re the one who will bring an end to humanity, who will release the ruler of nightmares upon us.” He continued to point accusingly for a long moment at me, his face turning chalk-white. Then his eyes rolled up in his head. Slowly, he stumbled and fell backwards onto the soft grass of the field.
“Jack!” Sonia cried, running over to the old man. Jack’s breaths had started to come in slow, drawn-out gurgles, like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. Frothy blood bubbled from his lips as they turned blue. Staring up at the endless expanse of cloudless sky, he exhaled one last shuddering breath and died.
***
Phil showed up only a couple minutes later. He found me and Sonia in a state of utter panic, both of us bent double over the still body of Jack. Sonia was on the phone with 911, and I was trying to give Jack chest compressions. The way his fingernails and lips shone with that cyanotic blue cast made me feel sick and weak. I knew it was futile, that I was simply playing with a corpse at this point, but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt if I didn’t do something, I might explode.
I heard the faint wailing of sirens approaching as Sonia’s panicked voice continued babbling to the 911 operator. Phil stood by her side, his tall, dark features searching and lost.
“Oh God, I think he’s dead!” Sonia cried over and over to the operator, as if she thought the operator could do anything about it. I didn’t hear what the operator said in response. As the ambulance pulled in, I gave up on chest compressions. I stood up and took a step back, looking sadly down on the kindly old man’s dead body.
The paramedics ran over. Phil, Sonia and I stood back while they worked on the corpse, trying to shock the heart back into life. But Jack’s open eyes stayed glazed as they stared sightlessly up into eternity.
***
The paramedics left. A couple police officers stayed behind to ask us a few routine questions. Eventually, after an hour or so, they left, too.
“What a fucked-up day,” Phil said, shaking his head grimly. “Do you guys still want to do this? Maybe it’s an omen from God telling us to go home.” Sonia and I exchanged a glance, then we both nodded at the same time.
“Definitely,” she said. “It’s sad what happened to Jack, but realistically, we don’t know what’s going to happen to this property now that he’s passed away. It might get sold or taken by the bank for all we know. This could be our one and only chance to explore this cave.”
“I don’t believe in omens. I’m still down,” I said, feeling slightly sick from the experience. I still remembered how Jack’s body had cracked under the weight of my chest compressions, how his ribs had snapped like bones shattering in greedy hands. “We’ll do it in memory of Jack. I plan to put this up on YouTube.” I pulled my GoPro out of my bag, turning it on. Phil groaned at that.
“Do we have any idea how far down this cave goes?” Phil asked. I felt a sense of relief now that the topic had changed from the death of the old man.
“I sent a little camera down on a rope, but it only went about a hundred feet,” Sonia responded. “It’s pretty steep at first, then it levels out. I couldn’t really see much after it leveled out, but it looks like it should be easy to climb down. There’s plenty of handholds, lots of jutting rocks.”
Phil put on his headlamp and small pack. As he crawled down into the hole, his tanned face looked up at us and gave us one last devilish grin. Once he had gone down a few dozen feet, Sonia started descending. She looked excited and happy. I noticed how she couldn’t stop smiling as she disappeared from view.
I watched their lights grow smaller and dimmer in the circular tunnel. I marveled at how perfectly circular the entrance was. It almost didn’t even look natural.
Taking a deep breath in, I followed my friends down into the dark.
***
“This isn’t too bad,” I said as I climbed down. The jutting rocks gave plenty of handholds and footholds for us. It wasn’t so tight that it felt like a coffin, either.
“It only gets easier from here!” Sonia called up.
“How do you know?” I asked. “You said you’ve never been here before.” She laughed.
“I know. Probably just wishful thinking,” she said. Far below us, Jack’s voice drifted up, faint and weak. He had already reached the bottom.
“The tunnel really opens up down here, guys,” he called. “It’s somewhat… bizarre, though.”
“What do you mean by that?” Sonia asked. I looked down, seeing Sonia and I would reach the bottom in seconds. “Forget it, I’ll let it be a surprise.” I heard her drop down. Slowly and carefully, I lowered myself down the last few feet. There was a short fall onto a smooth granite floor. I looked up, seeing what Phil and Sonia were so mesmerized by.
“Oh, wow,” I said, speechless. I blinked rapidly, wondering if the image would clear like a mirage. The tunnel was cut into a perfectly triangular shape, each side about seven feet long. The ceiling met in a point above our heads.
All along the smooth walls of gray rock, I saw thousands of black orbs peeking out. They looked similar to obsidian, but they were perfectly smooth and circular, each about the size of an orange. They were formed into interlocking diagonal patterns and followed the tunnel straight down as far as the eye could see.
“What is this place?” Sonia asked, taking a tentative step forward. I looked up, seeing the distant pinpoint of sunlight far above our heads. Our voices continued to echo off down the massive tunnels, disappearing in eerie waves into the thick curtain of shadows.
“Are you recording all this?” Phil asked me. I laughed, giddy.
“Of course! This is internet gold right here,” I said. “No one’s going to believe that this isn’t man-made, however. I can’t even believe it. Do you think Jack was playing a joke on us or something?”
“Jack had the sense of humor of a wet paper towel,” Phil whispered, shaking his head. “No, he wouldn’t do something like this.”
“Well, let’s go check it out,” Sonia said, taking a step forward. Her headlamp bobbed up and down rapidly, throwing dancing shadows through the triangular tunnel. It continued straight ahead, without the slightest deviation or curve, disappearing off into a dark point in the distance.
***
We walked as fast as we could, excited to see where, if anywhere, the strange tunnel led. Phil, always the conspiracy theorist, babbled excitedly.
“This has to be aliens, man,” he said, running his fingers through his dark hair. “I bet that scientists will find out this shit is millions of years old when we get back up and tell everyone. Maybe aliens came to earth in ancient times and made a bunch of stuff underground.” Gradually, as we walked, I noticed the tunnel opening up. The pointed triangular ceiling rose up higher above our heads and the walls moved outwards, as we were walking up a triangular funnel. At first, it was so subtle that I didn’t believe it when Sonia pointed it out.
“No, look,” she said, raising her hand above her head. “When we first started down this weird tunnel, my fingers were only maybe a foot away from the top. Now it’s a couple feet.” I was about to respond when our headlamps illuminated something standing in the middle of the tunnel.
“What the fuck is that?” I whispered, stopping cold in my tracks. Phil and Sonia looked up at the abomination at the same time. Its back was to us. It stood nearly as tall as the tunnel, which was now about twenty feet high.
The bottom half looked black and spidery with dozens of long, jointed legs. A bloody, white spine rose out of the mass of legs. Inhumanly long, skeletal arms stretched out in front of it. Its face was pointed away from us, but the back of its head resembled an enormous pointed skull with deep fissures like the cracks of an earthquake running through the bone. The abomination stayed as still as a statue, and for a long moment, I wondered if we were looking at some macabre work of art.
Then, suddenly, one of its insectile legs twitched. A moment later, the other legs started jerking and twisting. There was a sound like bones shattering as it rose up to its full height, turning around to face us.
Its face was like something from a nightmare, melting and reforming constantly like dripping candle wax. I would see a black eye appear on its forehead, then a grinning mouth on its chin, then the features would get sucked back into the folds of melting flesh. After a few moments, two enormous eyes appeared on its face, dark and cold like craters on the surface of the Moon. The mouths and noses disappeared back into the dripping skin, and only the two lidless eyes remained, emanating a cold, reptilian consciousness beyond the ability of my mind to comprehend. I felt terror radiating from its body like freezing waves.
“Free me,” it cried in a gurgling voice that seethed with insanity. It had a shrieking, metallic ringing behind every word that gave it an alien quality. “Free me, and I will give you the waters of eternal life. Within me, I contain the seeds of immortality. Within the nightmares, we live forever, always together, never alone.”
“Who are you?” I asked, terrified. The black reptilian skin of the enormous beast glistened as it knelt down, its massive face drawing near to mine. A sideways mouth burst out of the liquified flesh, showing hundreds of fangs growing like tumors from its white, bloodless gums. The fangs varied in size from only a couple inches to long, sword-like projections that stabbed into the creature’s flesh, causing white blood glittering with rainbows to fall like raindrops all around me.
“I have many names,” it hissed, its thousand voices rising and falling in crashing waves of sound. “I was present at the beginning, when this planet was no more than dead cliffs and endless freezing oceans. Those holy ones who search for us, the ancient ones, call me Niralahoth.”
“How do we free you?” Phil asked, looking terrified. He held Sonia’s hand tightly.
“By letting me into your mind and body,” Niralahoth cried, shaking the cavern. “I was thrown down here, cursed and forgotten. I cannot leave this place of shadows within this body. But in the body of another, my consciousness can be free, and the seeds of new life can spread beyond this prison.”
“There’s no way anyone’s going to do that,” I said, my eyes widening as Niralahoth’s reptilian skull turned towards me in fury. “I mean, you’re asking one of us to give up our individuality, our lives, right?”
“I am asking you to become one with me and gain power undreamt of by mortals,” it cried. “I have within me the fountain of life, the waters that send death away screaming.” I glanced anxiously at Phil and Sonia, wondering if we would have to run.
“The answer is no,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, we can’t do that,” Phil said, backing me up. “But, anyways, I think our trip has ended. It’s time to turn around…”
“You will never return,” Niralahoth cried, skittering away from us. “If you will not accept salvation, then you must accept death.” Within seconds, it slunk away from us, backpedaling on its many skittering legs into the shadows.
***
All around us, a rumbling started.
There was a pounding that crashed through the rock tunnel, as if an insane blacksmith were hammering on a massive anvil. The ringing of crashing rock started off slowly, with a few stones smashing down around us with heavy blasts of sound. Within seconds, the cacophony sped up, rising into a constant stream of destruction. The black orbs were spinning in place all up and down the tunnel, their glossy obsidian surfaces flashing with sparks of blue light.
“It’s collapsing!” Phil cried, running back in the direction we came, holding Sonia’s hand as she tried to keep up with him. I could only stare for a long moment, not sure what to do. It seemed that the direction Phil was heading stood closer to total collapse.
“Wait!” I cried, but my voice was drowned out in the destruction all around us. I felt a rock smash into my shoulder, sending me down to my feet. I heard Phil give a scream of pain, then another stone came down and smashed into my forehead. I remember seeing everything spinning around me as the world went black.
***
I awoke to find my headlamp still shining straight up in the dusty tunnel. Large chunks of the tunnel had slid out of place and crashed to the stone floor. The granite chunks that had fallen looked unnaturally smooth, most of them in the shapes of cylinders or cubes and varying in size from that of an egg to that of a small car.
My head throbbed. It felt as if a tight belt of fire were wrapped around my temples. Groaning, I put my fingers up to my forehead. They came away slick with blood.
Slowly, I started pushing myself up on my feet. I was relieved that nothing seemed broken. I had a deep gash running from the center of my scalp down to my left temple and some shallower cuts on my shoulders and back, but I knew none of that was life-threatening.
“Sonia?” I whispered, my voice coming out weak and strained. I reached into my pack and found a bottle of water. I chugged it quickly in one long swallow.
“Phil?” I cried again, this time stronger. I heard a soft weeping nearby. Staggering, I followed the sound.
Sonia was bloody and covered in cuts and scrapes, sitting next to Phil’s prone form. I saw Phil’s right arm pinned under a massive slab of granite. His arm disappeared from the elbow down in a spreading puddle of thick, dark blood.
“Oh God, Max, I think he’s hurt really bad,” she wept. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly in his head, his face pale and bloodless. I looked down the way we had come, seeing the entire tunnel blocked by large slabs of stone, many with strange, black orbs peeking out like the lenses of cameras.
***
I don’t know how much time passed. My phone died after a day, and then we were counting the endless darkness in breaths and tears.
Phil swam in and out of consciousness as his arm putrefied and blackened around the crush site. After a couple days, Sonia and I agreed that something had to be done. We told Phil we would need to amputate his arm. He was half-delirious, but he came back long enough to understand us and nod weakly.
We made a fire with Phil’s pack, trying to find fuel to throw in it to get it roaring. As it grew, I saw one of the black orbs near the flames abruptly ignite, as if it had been covered in gasoline. Blue, almost colorless flames rose from its surface. We started throwing the small black orbs on the fire until it rose high in the air. I sanitized the buck knife with the flames and pulled a rope tourniquet tight around Phil’s arm. He was conscious but seemingly insane, talking to himself more than anyone else.
“How are we going to get the car started without a key?” he gurgled to someone only he could see. “We need to look around. It has to be here somewhere.”
“Phil, can you hear me, bud? We need to fix your arm. We need to get you out of this mess. OK?” I said as comfortingly as I could. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly, but they didn’t meet my own. I sighed and looked over at Sonia.
“Let’s do it,” I said, giving a grim nod.
I pulled the buck knife out, slicing quickly down through the flesh next to the tourniquet. His veins throbbed like fat worms as the blackened, necrotic skin split easily under the blade, releasing a rancid-smelling gas that hissed out of the wound.
I couldn’t believe how hard it was to slice all the way through the arm. It felt like I was stuck in that hellish task forever. Phil’s eyes rolled in his head as his skin turned the color of clotted milk.
“God, Jesus, make it stop,” Phil whispered over and over, exhaling ragged, pain-filled breaths. The blood spurted from the blackened, dying tissue all over the dust-covered cavern floor, covering my hands in its warm, slick embrace.
After what was probably only three or four minutes, but felt like hours, I had sliced all the way down to the bone. The infected tissue of his arm spurted great gouts of orange pus mixed with rivulets of blood. The hard part was over.
Standing up, I took my steel-toe sneaker and stomped down on his arm as hard as I could. Phil cried out in a powerful voice, as if all the agony and suffering in the world was contained in that one shriek. The bone snapped under my weight with a sound like a tree branch cracking. A moment later, Phil rolled away from the rock that had pinned me in place for so long. Something alien and spongy was shoved into my face, a mass of destroyed red tissue pulsating in time with a runaway heartbeat. At first, shell-shocked and revolted, my mind couldn’t comprehend that I was looking at the stump of Phil’s mutilated arm. I hardened my heart and forced the giddiness and madness to the back of my mind. The time had come to cauterize the wound.
“Sonia, give it to me,” I said with a tremor in my voice. I reached out a hand towards her, a hand stained with Phil’s blood. It looked as if I were wearing a wet, crimson glove. Sonia only stared blankly at me for a long moment, however. A surge of anger ran up my chest.
“Sonia, toughen the fuck up! He’s going to die if you just sit there!” I swore at her, hearing my deep, angry voice bounce around the caverns. Sonia pulled back, as if she were struck. Inwardly, I cursed having a woman as my only able-bodied companion in this situation. She was a competent enough caver, but what would happen if violence and blood came over us? What would happen if, or more realistically when, we needed to fight?
Grimly, Sonia leaned forward and yanked the burning black orb out of the roaring fire, handing it to me on the end of a buck knife that had just barely pierced its hard, strange exterior. The handle of the knife felt coarse and splintery under my filthy skin. I put it to the spongy stump of Phil’s arm. The stump twitched violently. Phil tried to pull away as black smoke rose from the burning flesh.
There was a smell like bacon sizzling. The searing meat of Phil’s arm blackened and crisped under the heat of the orb, which had become no more than a cylinder of glowing blue embers by this point. I felt simultaneously sick and giddy. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or vomit. I felt like I was on the verge of some kind of madness, that the stress and insanity of the experience had started to shatter my mind.
His eyes rolled back in his head and he appeared to go into a seizure for a few seconds. With a long exhalation of breath, he finally, mercifully, lost consciousness. It’s hard to admit it, even this close to the end, but a small, sick piece of me was jealous of Phil. Most likely, he would be dead soon, maybe within hours, while Sonia and I would slowly starve and dehydrate like animals over a period of weeks. I looked at her lithe body and soft skin, seeing the feminine curves of her hips and chest. She was a beautiful woman. I knew Phil to be a lucky man. At least, before this trip, he was.
I watched her body, wondering if I had what it took to eat her or Phil if I had to. Did I have an iron heart that would allow me to slice into my friends and consume their raw, cold flesh? Perhaps, by that point, it would be hunger and madness driving me forward, and I wouldn’t even hesitate. I shuddered at the very thought.
***
I fell asleep that night, having strange dreams of massive gods with melting faces sitting in judgment in a circle around me. We had very little food or water left. No one knew we were down here. Rescue was not coming.
When I awoke, I found myself alone. Phil had died from his injuries while I slept, the black streaks of septic shock spreading up his arm towards his heart. His eyes stared sightlessly up at the rock ceiling.
“Sonia?” I called out, my heart racing as I sat up. “Where are you?” My headlamp was growing dim. I looked in my pack, realizing I was on the last of my batteries. I saw a silhouette walking out of the darkness, the thin, pale form of Sonia. She was trembling badly.
“I saw them,” she said. “Niralahoth and its priests. The priests aren’t human. They look reptilian with sideways mouths and too many eyes.” She shuddered.
“Why would you do that?” I asked. Her eyes grew distant.
“You know we’re not getting out of here alive,” she said. “Not on our own. I wanted to see what it offered. It says that if we take a piece of its nightmare into us, we will gain the power to leave this place, that it simply wants to see the surface and spread its nightmares there.” I shook my head.
“Insanity,” I muttered. “We’d be better off dead.” Sonia nodded.
“My thoughts exactly,” she responded grimly. I didn’t realize what she meant until the next day, when I woke up and found her hanging next to Phil’s body, her tongue swollen and blue as it poked out of her cyanotic lips. And then I was truly alone.
***
Soon after Sonia committed suicide, the last of the batteries for the headlamp died. I had run out of food and had only a small sip of water left. I don’t know how much time passed in the darkness, starving and raving, following the tunnel by running my hands over the walls. I heard many things skittering in the darkness, and a few times, I heard the demonic voice of Niralahoth as it split and distorted.
“You are on death’s door,” it hissed. “Will you not drink from the fountain of life?” I couldn’t tell where the voice came from in the maddening blackness. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. I had lost nearly all of my sanity in that pit of shadows by this point. I tried laughing constantly to keep my spirits up, and when that failed, I simply cried.
“I’ll do it,” I wailed. “I’ll do it. Just let me see the sky again. Get me out of here, Niralahoth.” Everything went deathly silent all around me, then a laugh rang out like the grinding of glass.
In front of me, I saw a tornado of fire descending from the ceiling, surrounding the massive, spidery form of Niralahoth. It rose its skeletal arms upwards, as if it were Zeus calling down lightning. In the sudden brightness, I saw the fiery form of snakes slithering and centipedes skittering forwards in that tornado, each massive creature sculpted from flames in the spinning cyclone of energy. Niralahoth reached into the tornado of fire with its sharp points of fingers and plucked something small from it. The fire instantly dissipated. In its hand, I saw a tiny, swirling orb that looked like it contained a firestorm within it.
“The nightmare seed,” Niralahoth gurgled as it skittered forward towards me. I could only stare, open-mouthed and starving. I hadn’t slept for days, it felt like, and everything seemed slow and unreal.
In a blur, its skeletal arm shot out and forced the orb into my mouth. Despite the fire raging within it, it felt freezing cold. As it touched my tongue, it gave off a sensation like frostbite all throughout my mouth. I screamed and tried spitting it out, but it seemed to have a mind of its own. It started liquifying, dripping down my throat.
I felt something cancerous and sick spreading throughout my body, radiating out from my heart and stomach to every inch of it. I tried to scream, but it caught behind my teeth. I fell to my knees, clawing at my face as that insane, alien laugh continued resounding all down the tunnel. I fell unconscious and woke up under a beautiful sky in the fields of Graysole Farms.
***
Soon after, I realized that my life would never be the same. Everywhere I went, I could hear the wailing voice of Niralahoth. Behind the trees, I always saw skittering shadows, creatures with long, spidery legs that stalked me every day and night. I slept with every light in the house turned on, yet when I woke up, they would all be shut off, and I would find myself in darkness, next to something in the bed with far too many legs and a face that dripped like burning wax.
I sold everything I owned and tried to move far away, to give as much distance between myself and those cursed caverns as I could, but the nightmares followed me like a shadow. I realize what a fool I was in those ephemeral moments of madness. Sonia was much wiser than myself; I should have killed myself or died rather than allowing that thing inside of me.
Even now, I can feel it creeping through my heart, spreading through my blood. I feel it trying to crawl its way out of my throat, the thin, black legs peeking out at the back of my esophagus.
I only hope that, when I finally jump and feel my bones shatter against the concrete far below, I will kill whatever is inside of me. For I fear the consequences for the world if it were to escape.

Previous Part
The first sound I heard that morning was foot steps outside my tepee.
“Get up! Shaoni wants you all in town.”
The gruff but familiar voice of my driver from three days ago shouted at me. It had to be some sick sense of humor on Shaoni’s part, sending this guy to come get me for things again and again. Honestly, even I was starting to feel bad for him. Bianca stabbed his friend I knocked him off that stage yesterday with one of the war clubs. I speak from experience when I say those things HURT.
“Alright alright, just give me a second to get dressed!”
I yelled back to the man as I rushed to get around inside. At least he had the common courtesy to stay outside. A minute or two later I stepped out to see everyone else gathered around the man. Brooke, Katrina, John, and Robert all stood there, just staring at me.
“Mornin’ sleeping beauty”
Robert finally said after what seemed like forever, nearly choking on laugher at his own joke.
“I thought you were never going to wake up. Did you not hear Shaoni last night? We were supposed to be up 6 sharp.”
He explained after his laughing fit. Apparently I had missed that bit of Shaoni’s whole presentation last night. Katrina grabbed a pair of keys out of her pocket and started walking away.
“Come on, we’ve got to get into town and finish this whole thing.”
She called back to us just a little too eagerly.
“She’s letting us drive? I thought she didn’t want us heading back to town without some kind of supervision.”
I questioned as we all walked toward the same beat up red pickup that had brought me here.
“I guess she decided to make an exception.”
Katrina replied, not even bothering to look at me.
“Besides I don’t think running is much of an option at this point.”
She continued, pointing up towards the sky. A storm was brewing there, a killer one by the looks of it. The odd thing was it didn’t seem to want to break, it was just stuck in that state right before it starts raining cats and dogs. The dark, angry clouds tapered off in the sky the further they got from town, Shaoni’s doing, it had to be.
The five of us would just about fit in the truck, not comfortably but we would fit.
“Oh hell no! I’m not dealing with you up here!”
“Why not?! You know you love it.”
Brooke and Katrina argued as he tried to take the passenger seat next to her.
“No you go in the back or I’m driving us straight into a tree, I can’t put up with you anymore.”
Katrina yelled at Brooke, tensing up and getting ready for a fight.
“Would you guys just knock it off! Just sit in the back Brooke, I’ll take the passenger seat.”
I scolded both of them, I was done with their little arguments, it was starting to get under my skin. An evil grin crossed Brooke’s face as he turned to me
“What’s up with you two? You’ve been all buddy buddy with him since we all beat the shit out of each other with wooden sticks. He didn’t get to you first did he? Hmmmm?”
Brooke prodded with a wink.
Katrina Immediately punched him in the face before I even had a chance to respond.
“Ey that’s a good right hook! Give em’ another one, come on come on!”
A heavily accented voice cut in from below my feet. Rocco had managed to slip in without any of us noticing. When Brooke lay eyes on him he just about jumped straight into the truck bed. Apparently whatever Rocco did to him yesterday had left quite the impression.
“I’m not even gonna ask, just shut up and take a seat.”
Katrina told Rocco, slamming her door shut as I took a seat next to her and Rocco hopped in the back. Robert and John pretty much made themselves flat to their doors as Rocco took a seat in between them in the back. Brooke rode in the bed, shooting nervous glances at Rocco every now and then.
Katrina drove like a bat out of hell through the woods and back into town. I’m not sure if she was in that much of a hurry to get all this over with or if she just hoped her crazy driving would throw Brooke overboard. Given where we were headed and how close we would probably be to Bianca, I can’t say I wasn’t hoping the same thing.
We pulled into the parking lot of the Save-A-Lot I’d gotten groceries from my first day here. The storm over head was raging but oddly enough It still wasn’t raining or anything like that. The wind was picking up and the sky looked absolutely sinister but other than that everything seemed fine in the town.
Before Katrina’s combat boots had even touched the ground she was already giving orders.
“Alright listen up, We’re working as a team this time wether you all like it or not. I want us to split up and see what we can find. Anything out of place, anything that seems suspicious, I want you to make a note of it. We have to figure out who the victim is going to be and who’s doing the killing. We have nothing to go on either so nothing is to small here. Lets all take a look around town and meet back here in two hours. That’s two hours sharp Keith!”
Katrina barked, taking charge of the situation and leveling one quick jab at me before turning on her heels and heading out into the town.
As everyone else hurried off in different directions I took a second to think. If I was looking for someone where would I go? Where in town would I most likely go no matter what? That line of thought is what led me to the front door of the Eagle’s Roost. Cliche I know, but a bar was a good a place as any to start, even if it was 8 in the morning. Maybe someone new had stopped by and Tuck would know something about it.
The door was unlocked as usual so I let myself in, if Tuck didn’t want guests I’m sure he’d lock it.
“Hey, Tuck? You in here?”
I called into the bar as I noticed the usually roaring stone fireplace had fallen silent.
“Tuck’s not here right now sweet heart, but I can take a message if you’d give me a moment.”
“Oh, ok take your time then.”
I answered before realizing the motherly southern voice couldn’t possibly belong to Tuck.
“Wait who are you?!”
I chirped as I rushed up to the bar and peered back into the kitchen where Tuck usually was. In his place was a dark skinned woman that looked a little older than Tuck. She wore a pink checkered shirt under an apron that read, “Kiss the cook”.
“My, I haven’t seen you around. I’m Richelle, Tucker’s wife.”
She answered. Her southern accent was smooth and calm. The exact opposite of Tuck’s brutal hillbilly speak that he tried to hide.
“Did he not mention me? He doesn’t like to introduce me to the new comers, always worrying about me that one.”
“No, I think he mentioned you helped keep this place running when I first met him.”
“He must like you then, most people round here don’t even know he’s married. Anyways what can I help you with sugar?”
Her motherly voice did wonders for my stress. I could see why Tuck married her, with just a few words I’m sure she could set anyone at ease.
“I was wondering if anyone new came into town or passed through here. Maybe someone out of place, something like that? Oh, and where’s Tuck?”
“Well I can help with both those things. There was a man here, got off a bus last night all alone and came right in. I don’t know what it was but I just had a bad feeling about him, made me shiver.”
She gave a little shiver at that, to demonstrate I guess?
“As for Tuck he’s been staying with those scientists and…. and I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that.”
She explained, a look of embarrassment crossing her face as she finished.
Before I had a chance to respond I heard the door slam open behind me. I swore I heard someone shriek my name. All I saw before someone knocked me over the stool I’d been standing next to was a blur of black hair flying toward me, and bright glowing blue eyes.
Bianca wrapped me in a bear hug on the floor.
“What happened to you, are you hurt, how are you back!?”
She fired questions at me as fast as she could.
“Bianca, crushing my… can you just, ease up a bit.”
I pleaded as she squeezed me harder than a boa constrictor.
“Sorry! I just didn’t think I’d see you…”
She squeaked, trailing off suddenly. A single tear making its way down her face as she blushed slightly and released me. In that moment I realized Bianca, who had stabbed a guy not to long ago for grabbing her hand, just bear hugged me. I’m not sure what I felt about that but at the moment, I was just happy to see her and even happier that she was happy to see me.
“Shaoni let us back into town for the last of the trials. We’re supposed to stop a murder in town.”
“A murder?! Is that what you were asking about? Is that man a murderer? My, what is going on in this town.”
Richelle shrieked, reminding Bianca and I that we weren’t alone in here. I felt the hot blood rush to my face as I looked up to see Bianca blushing as well, even redder than before.
“So, did you end up finding anything out about Shaoni?”
I asked Bianca as we took a seat at the bar, getting straight down to business as Richelle started stress cleaning in the kitchen.
I was a bit surprised by what she said. I never expected Shaoni to be THE Thunderbird or a descendent of them. I was still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing.
“So she went into hiding here then? That cave we stumbled into that was connected to the mines. Was that her… nest?”
I thought out loud, hoping Bianca would have some kind of answer.
“I guess, that’s what Frank and Stein have been calling it too. Speaking of Frank and Stein we should probably go see them. We were planning to break you out today, guess we were a little late on that huh.”
Bianca said, getting up from her seat at the bar. I’m not sure reuniting with Frank, Stein, and the rest of them was the best idea. At the moment I didn’t have a whole lot of other options though. I got up and followed Bianca out the door, heading back to her house to call off their rescue mission.
“Good luck darlin’!”
Richelle called after us, I felt sure we could use all the luck we could get.
“How the hell’d ya get back here son?!”
Tuck asked as soon as Bianca and I walked through the front door. Rocco had already found his way back and had apparently been filling everyone in on what had been happening. Stein was unloading some sort of pistol with a long thin barrel on the kitchen table.
“I’m glad I won’t have to use this at least. It’s been… many years since I’ve had to take this out of storage.”
Stein explained to no one in particular while staring at the gun. No doubt it brought back memories of his time with the German military. Frank walked out of the basement at that moment and nodded to me.
“Glad to have you back Keith.”
He said, clapping a hand on my shoulder.
“It’s great to see you all but I can’t stay too long, I’ve got to go back.”
“WHAT?!”
Everyone yelled in unison, even Rocco.
“It’s the last trial and Shaoni is overseeing it personally. You see that storm outside? That’s all her, if I don’t go back she’ll know and I’m sure there will be consequences. Besides Brooke is here too, I don’t want to give him any reason to go looking for me and bump into Bianca.”
I explained to everyone, not enough to wipe the shock off all their faces but at least Stein seemed to understand. Just the mention of Brookes name made Bianca freeze up. Only for a second but I could see this tension pass over her whole body and her eyes suddenly glowed blue and widened with fear. I was paying so much attention to how she’d react to that name that I almost didn’t feel her reach out and squeeze my hand from her place at my side. She sighed quietly before her eyes returned to normal but she still kept my hand in hers.
“You can’t go back! We only just got you back!”
Bianca protested, but my mind was made up.
“I need to see this through and besides someone’s life is at stake. I should try and stop that at least.”
Bianca couldn’t argue with that, neither could anyone else. I could tell Tuck and her wanted to but they didn’t. All Tuck did was quietly nod his head and grunt. I could tell Bianca was running through every possible argument in her head to try and make me stay but wasn’t coming up with anything. Bianca let go of my hand and asked,
“Can I at least come with you? To help stop the murder I mean.”
She looked into my eyes like a puppy, begging me to say yes.
In any normal circumstance I would’ve given in immediately to that, especially coming from someone who looked like her. This time though, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t take the chance that Brooke would see her and something bad would happen.
“You can’t Bianca, I don’t want anything happening to you especially with… him out there. I think Shaoni offered to help him find you if he showed up for these trials or something like that. Either way I’m pretty sure he’s here for you.”
I told her as gently as I could. I could see her recoil at the idea that Brooke might be here just for her. She was scared, maybe more scared than she’d ever been that there was even a small chance of Brooke getting his hands on her again.
“I… no, no your right.”
I didn’t expect her to give in so easily but it was a welcome surprise.
“I hope you know what yer doin son.”
Tuck told me as I got ready to head back out. Frank and Stein cornered me before I could leave as well.
“Take this.”
Frank said, thrusting what looked like a jury rigged walkie talkie into my hands.
“If you need anything call us on that. We’ll help however we can, and don’t expect us to sit around quietly when you go back. We fully intend get you out still, no reason to let a perfectly good plan go to waste.”
I thanked them for the walkie talkie. I was glad they were still looking out for me even if I doubted they could do much against whatever was to come, it was good to have people in your corner. Bianca was waiting for me when I got to the door.
“At least I get to say goodbye this time.”
She said with a little smirk. She’d been acting different since I got back, much more… personable?
“Yeah I guess so. What’s been up with you? You’ve been acting… different.”
I asked her, a little nervous for some reason.
“You helped me… a lot actually. Your the first person who’s really cared about me in years.”
“That’s not true, look at Frank and Stein.”
I responded, missing the point of what she was saying.
“No, not like that. I mean your a friend, a good friend… no that’s not, ugh.”
She said, shaking her head and looking a little embarrassed. Then she did something I really didn’t expect, she leaned over and kissed me.
“Just… make sure you come back ok? For me.”
She added as she pushed me out the door, starting to turn lobster red. My head was spinning but there was a bug dumb smile on my face, I’m sure of that. Filled with all the confidence that brought me, I headed back to the Save-A-Lot to see what everyone else had turned up on the impending murder.
As I walked back lighting began to crack across the sky. The lightning took all kinds of unnatural shapes. I swore one time it almost looked like a pair of eyes, watching me from the sky.
“Alright everyone, I want reports!”
Katrina shouted like a drill instructor, bring the group of us gathered around the hood of the truck to attention.
“The elderly cashier inside, she was… disquieted. More so than I would expect of someone in this strange town.”
John spoke, saying the first words I’d ever heard from him in a wise sage-like voice.
“I looked around for some kinda police station but this shit hole town doesn’t have one. How the hell am I supposed to report a murder if there’s no police!”
Brooke complained to the crowd.
“So, you accomplished absolutely nothing, I kinda figured that.”
Katrina scoffed at him.
“Yeah there hasn’t been a police station here as long as I remember. We never needed one, everyone either moved on to fast or stuck around and just wanted to be left alone, never caused any problems. Still, it’s a little strange come to think of it, would’ve figured the government would make us have some kind of police.”
Robert informed us before giving his own report.
“I looked around a bit myself, didn’t come across much on account of there not being all that many people to talk to in this town. Those old scientist types in the big white house never answered the door when I knocked and I couldn’t find their daughter.”
To my horror Brooke’s eyes lit up and he was suddenly razor focused on what Robert had to say.
“I did see some guy I’d never seen in town before walking around. Didn’t want to talk much though, he just turned around and walked the other way as soon as he caught sight of me.”
Robert finished with a shrug. Brooke seemed less interested after he heard nothing else about the daughter Robert mentioned. Did he know Robert was taking about Bianca?
“Wait that strange guy, was he wearing an old hat? Some kind of bowler I think, looked really out of place.”
Katrina asked suddenly, her eyes lighting up.
“Yeah now that you mention it I think he did.”
Robert answered after thinking for a second.
“Damn it! He saw me and ran when I was searching around town myself. So next order of business we find that guy. Keith! Did you see anything else?”
Katrina asked, whirling around to face me.
“I stopped by the bar and the bartender there told me someone new came into town a few days ago. Apparently she had a bad feeling about him. Maybe its the same guy you two saw?”
I proposed, pointing to Robert and Katrina. Katrina paced around for a bit, thinking I guess. She finally came to a rest again at the front of the truck, apparently she’d come up with another plan.
“Alright, I want that guy in the bowler hat found so we’re breaking into teams of two.”
“Uh, isn’t there five of us, that won’t work.”
Brooke interjected, earning him a look of pure murder from Katrina.
“Keep that up and I’ll find that raccoon, you can pair up with him!”
She yelled completely over Brooke’s attitude.
“I’ll go alone, Robert, John, you two are together same with you Keith and asshole.”
“I have a name you know!”
Brooke complained, getting yet another look from Katrina. If he kept that up I had a pretty good idea of exactly who the murderer and victim would be.
“Alright alright Jesus lady cool your jets!”
He said, putting his hands up in surrender as Katrina took a threatening step towards him.
A few minutes later Brooke and I had broken off from the other three having all agreed to meet up back at the truck in another hour. Brooke had insisted we go to the bar and search for the guy but I had a feeling there was more to it than that. He proved me right when he ducked into an alley and pushed me up against the side of a building right on main street. Usually that would be instantly seen by someone but here wasn’t like anywhere else. There was no one around to help me out or even see what was going on.
“I know we’re supposed to be looking for a murderer but I’ve got other things in mind. That daughter Robert was talking about, you know something about her don’t you.”
Brooke questioned with a growl, arm against my throat holding me uncomfortably tight against the building.
“Daughter? What are you talking about?”
I choked out, deciding to play dumb. He didn’t like this to much and pushed me even harder against the wall.
“That raccoon mentioned her name the other day when the fuckin thing attacked me and it seems pretty buddy buddy with you! Bianca! ring any bells!”
I felt my face grow red at the mention of her name as I thought back to the way she kissed me at the door. That reaction betrayed me and the beginnings of a twisted smile appeared in Brooke’s eyes.
“Oh yeah, you know her don’t you? Know what she can do to I bet. Did she tell you about me, how she threw away everything I could’ve given her.”
He hissed at me, venom dripping off every word.
“At first I didn’t care but then I heard stories of this whore who could wrap you around her finger like nothing else. She’d do whatever you wanted but you’d also pay whatever she asked, do whatever she asked. Imagine my surprise when I started looking into it and it turned out to be my little escaped bird.”
Brooke continued, grinning like a mad man. He was obsessed with her, it didn’t take a genius to see that. But I was in no position to argue with him, I could barley speak with the pressure on my neck from his arm.
“They called her a succubus, the crazy ones at least. Turns out they were right though, there was something off about her from the first day I met her but I had no idea she was something exotic like that. See I make a habit of collecting things, rare things, and she’s the rarest I’ve ever been able to find. I was so close to having her at one point but she just had to break away. When I met Shaoni late one night researching the supernatural she agreed to look into her for me on one condition. I agree to show up in this town in the ass end of nowhere and participate in some trials for her. Easiest deal I ever made, now I’m this close to getting my hands on her again. Imagine what she could do for me, what I could get with her powers.”
Brooke finished his monologue, finally letting me go.
“Now you’re going to show me where she is and I’m going to get the hell out of here. Get going!”
He shouted at me, drawing a pocket knife from his white suit jacket.
My first reaction was to look around and search for a way out. I couldn’t fight him, that was clear. I really didn’t want to get stabbed either. My eyes darted around trying to find anything that could get me out of this. Then I found exactly what I was looking for on the other side of the street.
Katrina had found the man in the bowler and he was running back toward the Save-A-Lot like Usain Bolt himself.
“Katrina, HELP!”
Brooke whipped his head around, trying to catch sight of her before she did anything. Katrina wasted no time though. She took one look at him, pulled the gun from its holster on her waist, and fired. The crack of the bullet made me run on pure instinct and Brooke dropped to the ground. It hadn’t hit him unfortunately, but it had bought me enough time to run.
“Argh that bitch! I’ll find her myself!”
Brooke shouted before getting back to his feet and running the other direction. The guy Katrina had been chasing used the distraction to make some distance on her. He was nearly to the corner that turned towards the Save-A-Lot. I took off after him as Katrina did the same, ripping the walkie talkie from my pocket as I ran.
“Stein get Bianca out of there! Head out to the mine, maybe there aren’t to many people there now, just get her out of town! Brooke is here and he’s looking for her I’ll meet you once this is all over ok.”
I think Stein said something back but I didn’t catch it. The adrenaline spike of getting shot at and chasing this guy who was likely a soon to be murderer made it hard to hear.
We weren’t as fast as we hoped but we were just fast enough to see the consequences of that. As Katrina and I got into the parking lot the guy was already inside, pointing a gun of his own at the elderly cashier that gave me a hard time about my ID. I made out the movements of her lips just before he pulled the trigger. It looked like she said “Oh, you’re the one she sent then.” Just before he killed her.
I stopped dead when I saw the body drop, I’d never seen someone die before. In Imalone people had died but I’d been knocked out for most of it. Seeing it up close though, it made my stomach drop. I fell to my knees and threw up on the spot, the blood, god the blood splatter behind her it was horrible.
Katrina didn’t stop after the shot, if anything she charged in even faster. The gun was still in her hand and she held it up in front of her, using the weight of the gun to smash through the glass doors with the bottom of the grip. The shards of glass rained down on the murderer who surprisingly, seemed just as stunned as I was by the corpse. Katrina dropped her shoulder and charged into him, hitting him so hard they both fell to the ground. She was back on her feet quick as lighting, flipping the guy over onto his front and putting a knee on his back in between his shoulder blades. Katrina locked his arm behind his back and said something I couldn’t hear. At that point I kinda spaced out. The only other thing I remember before getting in the truck was Katrina leading the man out of the store with his hands zip tied behind him. The few people who were in the store had come out and were starting to pick over the scene as we shot out onto the road back to the mine.
I noticed one of us was missing when we came to a stop.
“Where’s Brooke?”
“I wasn’t waiting for him, not after whatever he pulled in town. He can find his own way back.”
Katrina answered me while pushing the man she’d apprehended out of the truck and toward the entrance to the mine.
“Are you doing ok? You looked a little white on the way out here, like you saw a ghost.”
Robert asked me as we got out and followed behind Katrina.
“Sure sure I just… never saw someone die like that you know.”
I said, never so sure that I wasn’t ok. Robert gave me a knowing nod as we made our way down to the coliseum.
Shaoni and Katrina were waiting for us already. Brooke was there too, beaten and bloody against the wall. It looked like someone had dragged him back here against his will, probably Shaoni if I had to guess.
“I can’t say I’m pleased with what went on in town but in the end you did discover the murderer, even if it was too late. Now it’s time for the second part of this trial. I want to hear your judgements, what should this man’s punishment be?”
Shaoni greeted us, ignoring everything that had gone on before like it didn’t even matter. Something about that made my blood boil.
“Katrina, you first. What should this man’s punishment be?”
“P please.. you said.”
The man muttered before Shaoni slapped him hard across the face.
“You will be silent!”
She ordered, the room suddenly becoming electric with her temper. Katrina stepped up in front of Shaoni and gave her judgment.
“He took a life, he should be killed as well. It’s the only way to be sure he doesn’t do something like that again.”
Shaoni nodded at that and pointed to me.
“You next Keith, what should we do with him?”
I was filled with a rage I’d never felt before as I looked at the whole situation. Shaoni was meant to be a spirt of justice, or so I thought. Yet she let that woman die. Worse still, after what the woman said I believed Shaoni may have arranged the whole thing, murderer, victim, and all. That’s not justice, that’s playing god, using her power and influence to mess with people like pieces on a chessboard and for what? Just so she could “test” a few people who’d caught her eye?
“You deserve punishment Shaoni. That man is innocent, you put him up to it didn’t you? Him, the victim, all of it! It’s all just some kind of game to you isn’t it?! You keep claiming you represent justice but from what I’ve heard you’ve had a problem with that. This is something else though, where is the justice in this Shaoni, where! I don’t pretend to know what you’ve been through over the years Justice, but this isn’t right. If it was up to me this man should be let go so he doesn’t have you whispering in his ear and you should go back to sleep like you had been years ago.”
I shouted at her, not caring what she would do to me. It felt good though, to finally let her have it, especially after all she’d put me through.
I learned Shaoni’s real name from Bianca but hearing it seemed to make her shrink. The second I said it I had her full attention.
“No! You don’t understand Keith! These people were terrible, guilty of their own crimes. I found them both and offered them a deal. Submit to my judgment or do something for me and face the judgment of another. They got their punishments, I’m no monster!”
She roared back, the beginning of tears brimming in her eyes.
“Guilty or not you used them like pawns Justice! None of this is right, there’s no justice in it, no right and wrong. It’s just a game to you! Don’t you see this is wrong!”
I yelled at her again.
“DON’T YOU USE THAT NAME!”
She thundered back.
“Would you prefer Vengeance?!”
I added, shattering her.
The mention of that name brought Shaoni to tears and she lost her temper. She threw her hand out toward the man still zip tied on the ground in an act of anger. The tattoos on her arms glowed with a blue, ghostly light. The energy grew until a bolt of lightning arced from the tattoos, filling the room with the scent of ozone. The bolt hit the man in the head, searing the skin of his face black in an instant as his body went still.
“You don’t understand, all those years, all those mistakes. Do you know what that…!”
Shaoni started to scream to me again, but she was cut off by the sound of vehicles above us and the cracks of gunfire.
I looked around in surprise, still in shock after the brutal death of the murderer in front of me. I saw Katrina holding her own walkie talkie and smiling.
“Looks like my ride is here, time to end this little charade. Keith, I’d suggest running if I where you. Shaoni, I’d say its been fun but you’re the whole reason they sent me out here in the first place. You’ve been way too much trouble but for what its worth, good luck.”
Katrina hissed at the two of us. Robert, John, and I were stunned, even Shaoni herself seemed shocked back to reality by whatever was happening. With her piece said, Katrina turned and walked out of the mine, towards the growing sounds of shouting and gunfire coming from outside.

Can someone please explain why nothing is EVER good enough for an abuser? I could literally give this man my kidney and he would somehow turn it around to how I messed it up and it’s my fault. Always. Last night he was driving, I was in the passenger seat and I was looking on the ground for my phone and he bumped the wall of a tunnel. And then he proceeded to scream at me and tell me that it’s my fault and I should be paying attention to the road at all times and that if the car was messed up I was going to pay big time.
I have never ever ever in my life met someone that thought so low of me and everything I do.
It is getting worse too - the other night I was in the kitchen filling up my dogs water dish - he was talking to me and obviously i couldn’t hear him either the water on and I must’ve raised my voice a little bit over the water and he slapped me so hard in my eye and glasses that my eye was bruised and slightly swollen.
I cannot take this anymore. I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand why do I allow this to continue happening … and why do I love him if he treats me this way? Why am I so scared to leave and let him go when I KNOW I don’t deserve any of this.
Sorry for this long post but I literally have no one to talk to about this - no one in my life knows the 100% truth at all.
And he says it is normal for a man to treat a woman like me like this and that’s bc I will stick up for myself.
Does anyone have any advice or any words they can give me, please. I have never been in this situation before and it is awful and I feel so alone.
My dog is getting older - she will be 10 and she’s the only thing I have that is by my side and my protector. What the hell am i going to do when she’s gone.

“Will you look at that,” Captain Yontan marveled from the observation deck. They had arrived in the Solar System at long last, the old bastion of knowledge mankind had abandoned many millennia ago.
“Such a basic tech, yet so beautiful, so… poetic,” Lezlybe uttered, gazing at the constant flux of Sunfire Conduit pulled from the sun to one, two, three relays, and finally to the surface of Pluto, where its energy was being harnessed inside a crater. “And you’re certain that’s where the Ultimate Knowledge is stored?”
“Yes,” Yontan nodded. “Every clue leads to Pluto. Can you imagine? The Ultimate Knowledge, lost for millennia, on this planet out of all places.”
“Ready to descend at your command, captain,” announced Ghenna.
Yontan turned to his crew and smiled. It was the first time they had seen him do that in months. “Hover around the south-south-eastern quadrant of the crater. That’s where the entrance is supposed to be.”
“Yes, Sir!”
Lezlybe’s turned to face the captain, her long black hair swirling around with her.
“Wouldn’t that energy burn us on approach?”
“It might be basic tech, but not that basic, Lez,” said Yontan. “It’s safe up to a distance of 100 meters. Don’t underestimate the intelligence of our ancestors because they built this thing in the distant past. They were as smart as us. Smarter even, in certain aspects, I’m sure.”
“Found the entrance, captain,” said Ghenna. It was a pale peach colored door built on the craterside.
“Land near it, wherever it’s stable.”
“Yes, Sir!”
The ship touched down next to the Hollis Crater. Yontan and four others suited up and left the craft. Before heading for the door, the team stopped to gaze at the Sunfire Conduit from their position. It went up, up, up as far as the eye could see.
Jmerr was awestruck.
“I can’t believe we’re able to look at it with basic sun visors. Do you think our ancestors purposefully designed it like that?”
“Of course,” said Yontan, mesmerized by the spiraling blaze swooshing down the crater. “Aesthetics have always been important, especially since it used to be connected to three planets, two dwarf planets, and eight moons. Many renown painters have depicted the Conduits in their art. Although no physical portraits survived, their works have been well documented over hundreds of books.”
Lezlybe approached Jmerr and put her hand over his shoulder.
“I kind of wish we could hear its thunderous sound. I imagine it’d be a satisfying swoosh, kind of like a blowtorch.”
“You’d be deaf before you’d hear a thing,” laughed Yontan. “We’re speaking of extremely powerful jets coming from a star, after all. I can’t wait to see why they’re pulling so much energy on such a small planet. It’s totally excessive in my view.”
“Maybe it’s not,” said Lezlybe. “Especially if the Ultimate Knowledge is behind this door.”
The team approached the door, a small black panel to its side. Yontan placed a round device on top and, seconds later, it retracted into the ground.
“A Grampus?” frowned Jmerr, even though no one could see his face behind the visor. “Why do you use this old AI?”
“Because I don’t know the code,” explained Yontan as they stepped inside a long hall. “So I brought this device with me to crack the password. Don’t forget that this here is also old tech. Newer devices could break something.” He glanced over his shoulder at the wide-open entryway with the ship not too far behind. “But it looks like the Grampus broke it anyway since it doesn’t slide shut.”
At the end of the wide turquoise hall, another door was easily popped open with Yontan’s device. This time, however, the heavy door closed shut when the last person stepped in.
“I hope we’re not trapped in this small room,” gulped Lezlybe.
“Don’t worry, we can ask someone on board to cut it open if needed,” said Yontan. “After all we –”
PSHHHHHHHH
A burst of gas sprayed them from all sides, followed by a shower of heavy liquid. A few moments after it stopped, the door in front of them opened, and a gentle male voice greeted them.
“Welcome to U.K. ONE. The current air pressure is at 101.3 kilopascals, with a temperature of 22.4 degrees Celsius and a humidity level set at 60% RH.”
The voice then proceeded to inform them about the room’s condition among other sets of data.
“I see. We were inside a basic decompression chamber,” muttered Jmerr.
The tallest crewmate, Lessandre, popped his helmet off and took a deep breath.
“Ah, historical fresh air,” he boomed, looking around the oval room. “It brings a tear to my eye.”
“What are you doing?” Yontan shouted. “We don’t know what particles or microorganisms could linger in here.”
“Relax, captain. Tyche analyzed the air and told me it’s fine. Why don’t you all retract your visors and experience this multimillennial-old air? You’ll never have the chance to do that again, you know.”
Yontan checked with his own version of his AI, Tyche, and everything seemed to be fine, so he retracted the visor of his helmet as well, just in time to scratch an itch on his beard. The rest of the crew followed, except for Jmerr.
“Come on, Jmerr. It’s a unique experience, my friend,” beamed Lessandre, tapping on his shoulder.
Jmerr scowled at Lessandre. “I refuse to take unnecessary risks.”
“As you wish,” Lessandre grinned, loudly sniffing the air. “Ahhh. The air in here is exceptionally… how to describe it?”
“Dusty?” Lezlybe chimed in. “I think the auto-clean on the filter stopped working long ago.”
Yontan was ignoring his crew, inspecting the walls of this oval room for clues. But the room was pretty much empty, outside of the air conditioning holes and lights flickering on the ceiling.
“I know there’s another door on the other side of the crater, but that one’s the entrance to the accumulator and workspaces,” he muttered to himself, caressing the wall in the hopes of finding a button or a gap of sorts.
“Is that place also turquoise?” asked Lessandre. “I really hate this color. Reminds me too much of my ex.”
Lezlybe rolled her eyes.
“Then why don’t we go there?” asked Ghenna, who had closed her visor since she didn’t like the smell.
“Because,” began Yontan absent-mindedly while brushing his hands over the wall, “every document points to this place. We’ll check the other site if we don’t find anything here. Now if only I – aha! A button. This might be it.”
Yontan pushed it with his finger. Instead of clicking, like any other button would, his index finger sank completely in. He immediately withdrew it, fearing something might cut his finger off. But the button came back, except it was now white and protruded out of the wall. Yontan hesitantly pressed it.
An oval pedestal emerged from the middle of the floor, gradually rising until it reached chest height. The left side slid open with melodious clicks, and out came a small table with a round black object on it with a sky-blue center. Before they had the time to guess what it was, a hologram rose from it, displaying the head of an old balding man with a lazy eye.
“Greetings, future humans,” said the feeble voice. “And welcome to K.U. ONE. What is your purpose here?”
Yontan glanced at his crew, who gave him a nod and shrugs. He cleared his throat and spoke clearly, “We’ve come here to gain access to the Ultimate Knowledge, which is said to contain the answers to our purpose within the universe.”
“I see. And you are one, two, five. Oh! That is good news, good news indeed. I’ve been waiting for you. Well, not me per se, since I’m long dead, I suppose,” the hologram laughed, “but my digital image. And five? Oh, proof that nothing happens at random.”
Yontan was slightly taken aback.
“Wait. You’re not a simple recording?”
“No, no. I’m enhanced with artificial intelligence. It speaks as I would speak, saying what I asked it to say – with a bit of panache. Now, move to the other side of the pedestal. It will pop open and contain a box.”
The other side popped open, displaying a silver box embossed with gold on the edges. It was beautiful. Lessandre grabbed it and tried to pry it open.
“Tut-tut! You need the key to open the box. I’ll hand it over only of you accept to eat its contents.”
“Eat it?” Yontan uttered in excitement. “Will it alter our brains? Give us the knowledge we yearn for?”
“Not quite. But it is a necessary step.”
“I won’t touch it,” Jmerr stated firmly. “I don’t trust this man. Whatever’s inside, it’s been in there for thousands of years. There’s no way it’s still edible.”
“Oh but it is,” grinned the man. “What do you think the Sunfire Conduit is used for?”
“What?” uttered Lezlybe. “The power of the sun used for… food?”
“Of course, there’s more to it. But a lot of energy is necessary to cool it down to near zero kelvin and keep it that way until it’s very slowly reheated to the ideal temperature for you to savor.
“Now, will you eat its contents or not?”
“Why don’t we bring it back to the ship and study it?” suggested Jmerr.
“The moment you leave the room with the box, its contents will be destroyed, and so will the key to Ultimate Knowledge.”
Yontan exchanged a glance with his crew. Lessandre gave him thumbs up, Ghenna nodded and Lezlybe shrugged. Jmerr was the only one to firmly shake his head.
“Fine, we’ll eat its contents,” said Yontan, upon which Jmerr put his hands up in the air in frustration.
A key appeared from the front of the pedestal. Yonan used it to open the box Lessandre was holding. Five dark-brown spherical objects were neatly placed within fitting molds, resembling the five dots on a die.
“Behold the Five Orbs of Knowledge,” the hologram said solemnly. “I recommend one for each of you.”
Jmerr crossed his arms. “There’s no way I’m touching this.”
“What if someone eats two?” asked Yontan, eyeing Jmerr.
“It would sadden me, even though it might be beneficial to grasp the Ultimate Knowledge.”
Without hesitation, Lessandre popped the middle one in his mouth. Every other crewmate was staring at him. A few bites in, he suddenly froze, eyes wide open. His gaze slowly shifted from Yontan, to Lezlybe, to Ghenna – whose visor was now lowered – and finally stopped on Jmerr.
“Awl eash ‘em bofh,” he rapidly chewed, popping a second one in. “Awl eash ‘em owl ihf you guysh downt.”
Yontan’s hand was shaking as he picked his Orb. Lezlybe and Ghenna also chose one.
“On the count of three,” gulped Yontan, as he noticed the horrified look on Jmerr. “One… two… three!”
The shell of the Orb had a slight crunch, with a rather soft, creamy inner core, gently melting on their tongue. Sweet with a zest of bitterness. Each bite, each movement of their tongue was another moment they savored, dreading the end of this unique flavor. It was an explosion of exoticism, a sensory overload inside their mouth; the richness of the Orb filled their taste buds and souls alike with pure bliss.
Then there was the aroma, dissolving the dusty odor of the room with its arboraceous perfume. It reminded them of Terrestrial woods, now planted across various planets in the Milky Way. Comforting, ancient, nostalgic, and so raw at heart.
Fortunately, this jolly adventure didn’t end after they swallowed it, no, each residue, sticking to the various corners of their mouths, lingered like a fleeting memory soon to disappear forever. Yet it was still there, to grasp with the palm of their hands. But when they tried to, it became vapor, dwindling, yet etched in their brains with such strength it would be impossible to ever forget this moment. Ever.
Their minds were still floating on a cloud of ecstasy when Yontan stared at Lessandre.
“You ate two,” he breathed. “And you,” he turned to Jmerr, “you have no idea what you’ve just missed. It’s… indescribably delectable.” Yontan faced the hologram. “Please, give us one more, for Jmerr. He has to try this… Orb.”
The hologram grinned widely, creasing the old man’s entire face.
“These were the last five. There are no more.”
“WHAT?” everyone shouted at once.
“Th– that’s it? No more?” Yontan’s shoulder slumped. “Why didn’t you tell us earlier? We could’ve taken it back to the ship and try to recreate it.”
“It’s impossible without the recipe.”
“A recipe? Give it to us, I don’t care about Ultimate Knowledge anymore,” Lessandre laughed.
“But you had two,” Lezlybe scowled.
“And I want more,” he chuckled. “I’ve never felt better in my life. Even two were far too few!”
“Yes, hand us the recipe so we can share it with the rest of the crew,” pleaded Yontan.
The hologram seemed more and more pleased with itself.
“Even if I gave you the recipe you couldn’t make it when the main ingredient’s missing.”
“What’s the main ingredient?” Ghenna asked.
“Cacao. And these were chocolate truffles, which I made myself utilizing the very last cacao beans to ever exist. I’m sorry. You’ll never eat chocolate ever again.”
Jmerr seemed disappointed upon hearing it, especially after seeing how everyone reacted to it.
“B – but… why?” Yontan asked. “Why offer us a delicious treat only to punch us in the gut right after?”
The hologram smiled. “Think. What is your purpose here?”
“To acquire Ultimate Knowledge… But I fail to understand…”
“If my clock is correct, 3622 years have passed since the last human – which is myself – set wheels in this room. 3622 years of technological advancement, of accumulated mastery of various sciences and understanding of the universe. Yet you believe Ultimate Knowledge is to be found in the past?”
The crewmembers looked at each other, dumbfounded.
“So… it doesn’t exist?” suggested Lezlybe. “We’ve come this far for nothing…”
“Haven’t you just experienced the ultimate delicacy of humankind? Therein lies everything you need to know.”
“It’s not about the knowledge,” began Yontan, “but about the experience we savor?”
“Exactly!” Clapping hands appeared in front of the hologram’s face. “Instead of looking for something that may not be, learn to cherish the transient nature of existence through every experience you encounter. Who knows what happens once you’re dead? Constant hesitation leads to a life of lost opportunities. One of you has learned this lesson the hard way, I’m afraid. However, the tall man over there has greatly benefited from this lesson. Balance in all things!”
“No data is ever lost,” snorted Jmerr scornfully. “Death is simply the temporary loss of information until it’s retrieved.”
“The no-hiding theorem,” smiled the hologram. “Of course. But you wouldn’t be here if you could completely determine the state of the entire universe. Thus, my rhetoric stays valid. For as long as this is beyond our grasp – likely until humanity’s extinction – you ought to cherish every experience and lose your fear of consequences within reason.”
The room went silent, the subtle taste of chocolate still lingering in their mouths like the fading words of an old love letter.
“What do we do now, captain?” Ghenna asked shyly.
“Take your new-found knowledge and share it with others,” the hologram said before Yontan could open his mouth.
“So… there really is nothing else here?”
“Nothing at all.”
The hologram fluttered for a moment.
“Were these really the last pieces of chocolate?”
“Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you eat them yourself?”
“Because sharing is the quintessential attribute of humanity. And I’m glad to have contributed my part, even though it took several millennia.”
“So why use all that energy from the sun?” asked Lezlybe.
“It’s twofold,” said the hologram. “Partially to keep this chocolate in pristine state, as I said before. You’ll understand the second reason soon enough. Let’s say it’s a parting gift, for that man who hasn’t eaten his Orb.”
“I don’t understand.” Yontan was running his fingers through his hair. “You speak of sharing, yet we won’t be able to share this exquisite experience. There’s no chocolate left.”
“Share the wisdom you’ve acquired. Or perhaps you shall find something unique to share with others as I did. Even the stories of your adv–”
The man disappeared for a few seconds.
“–entures – Ah? We’ve been cut. Soon I shall be free, just like your minds. Swiftly return to your ships, and sail t–”
It flickered again and stopped for nearly ten seconds.
“–he vast empty space to… wherever your heart leads you. Farewell. Fare well indeed.”
The hologram zoomed out to show an old man sitting on a wheelchair, waving both hands. It flickered one last time before completely fading out with a hum.
Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke from everyone’s earpiece.
“Captain, is everything all right?” asked one of the crew left on the ship in a panic.
“Why? Did the entrance crumble down?”
“No, Sir. It’s the Conduit. You need to see this for yourself.”
The crew put on their visors and hurried out of the room, through the hallway, out on the freezing surface of Pluto. They gasped upon staring up.
“The Conduit!” Ghenna uttered.
It was oscillating, slowly shrinking until the last flames swooshed back and forth from the relay to the crater, and then, it retracted entirely.
“It’s… it’s gone…” sighed Yontan.
“The parting gift,” Jmerr sobbed. “He knew. He knew someone might not try out the chocolate truffle, and he purposefully shut down the entire system.”
Lessandre turned to Jmerr. “Consider this your incredible experience. We must be the only humans to ever see this happen in real time.”
“But we can reconnect it, unlike the chocolate, can’t we?” said Lizlybe.
Yontan shook his head. “Do you know of the ancient pyramids in the northern African continent?”
“Yeah…” she hesitated. “Vaguely.”
“Do you know why they’ve never been rebuilt?”
Lezlybe shrugged.
“Because there’s nothing to gain in doing so.” He pointed his finger at the vast expanse above him. “We’ve never rebuilt the ancient pyramids – not due to complexity, but due to loss of time and resources involved without any actual benefit. I’m afraid this is the last time anyone has admired this old tech at work.”
Upon their return on the ship, they told the rest of the crew what inside the U.K. ONE.
“So the Ultimate Knowledge doesn’t exist?” one of the crewmember asked.
Yontan took one last glance at the crater as the ship took off.
“I believe it does,” he beamed, looking at the bemused faces of his crew. “Not here.” He gently tapped his temple. “But here.” His hand rested on his chest. “And there.” His arms were wide open, as if trying to embrace his whole crew at once. “Acquired wisdom is the Ultimate Knowledge. And the ability to share experiences with others is our greatest gift.”

So before these last couple weeks, I had only ever played ME2, with my disk copy of ME1 being broken so the game would crash when arriving at the Citadel for the first time. But after playing Andromeda, I couldn't help feeling after 60 hours and 96% completion, that I just played 3 different games.
Let me explain.
The first game was personally my favourite. Arriving at Habitat 07, finding the Nexus in it's unfinished state, arriving at EOS and exploring the failed outposts and experiencing a limited progression until you progress the planet's story further. I loved how the wider world was cut off by high radiation that kept my exploration limited to a managable amount initially. I loved how once I set up the colony, I got to decide what type of colony it was (I picked Military for obvious reasons), and even got an awesome cutscene of the prefabs and shuttles landing on the planet. I loved how soon after fixing the vault, things started to improve, more of the map opened up, SAM gave me a run down of what was now available and the environment seemed to change visually.
This set up my assumptions for the rest of game quite high and I was all for it. However, things quickly changed after going to the second habitable planent. Aya.
Suddenly I've been thrown onto a small accessible hub area with no planetary exploration, and instead been presented with fish lipped, bug eyed, wannabe Twi'leks. I am no longer in my explore, adapt, overcome mind set and I'm suddenly brought into a "Gotta make these new aliens like me unlike the other group of aliens" mind set. This is in itself isn't terrible as it varies the gameplay and the story, however the game NEVER returns to the previous experience that I was greatly looking forward to, but I pressed onwards with the hope that my EOS experience would continue.
I was wrong.
More systems were now made accessible (Despite the Nexus saying that their probes only reached as far as Aya's system), so naturally I checked, did the repetetive task of going from planet to planet with a roughly 20% payout of either 270xp or a mineral vein visable from space that gives less than a single mineral node you find planetside, and then proceeded to Havarl. My hopes remained high as the map appeared small and the Nomad wasn't usable, and 2 of the 3 remnant towers were already activated, massively bringing down the amount of busy work I had to do. I didn't consider this as a planet to colonize and instead treated it like a large hub area with a few story progression quests, like finding our lovable gay Turian spectre Avitus and getting the first clues as to the status of the other 3 Arks. I did the Vault, established a research outpost with the Angaran's and was satisfied.
Then I moved onto Vauld.
Up to this point and a little more, I had believed that my EOS experience would return now that I had Aya and Havarl out of the way. When I landed on Vauld, I loved the atmosphere. It was dark, cold and clearly had something for me to achieve. My first thought while walking through the snow (aside from wondering why there was a pilot telling me he was ready to assault the enemy stronghold once I gave the go ahead), was "Wow, I can't wait to see how things change once the vault is active, I bet the ice is going to melt gradually and you'll see the ground underneath". Suffice to say my Vauld experience peaked after leaving the resistance base, approaching the 2 Angaran's standing outside and looked down at the large open area for me to explore. And with my hopes still high, explore I did. However this was the first major sign that things had changed.
There was no longer locked progression, waiting for me to restore the vault (Unlike EOS which had lvl 1 and lvl 3, Valud only had lvl 1 and lvl 2 which only stifled exploration but didn't directly prevent it). There was no awesome cutscene or meaningful choice once I established my outpost. There was no visual change except for somewhat clear skies, and I really had no reason to come back to the planet afterwards except to complete quests I was too lazy to do straight away, or continue missions that brought me back. At this point it was clear that my assumptions of the game were incorrect and the experience I enjoyed from EOS would not be returning.
Then we moved onto Kadara, the planet I hate the most. I landed into another hub area, again with no accessible exploration area, but unlike Aya, this planet had one that was separated by a loading screen. Sloane was a bitch and I questioned how the Angara here had been mingling with the Milky Way exiles for the last 14 months, yet our landing on Aya was apparently first contact with the Angaran's who were already associated with our lovable rogue.
Again, planet exploration disapointed me, except this time there was even less than Vauld. Now the only environmental hazard was sulfur water which was practically an insta kill if you so much as touched the water with your toe. I did the usual, went to every forward base, collected every mission and task, completed the story progression and then resolved the conflict that would allow me to get an outpost down. And despite Vauld giving me little reason to return after, Kadara gave me even less! With the only reason to return being follow ups of other missions and loyalty missions. But hey at least the water no longer kills you. I guess that's "progression".
And to my dissapointment, Havarl was actually considered an Outpost/Colony, meaning the last place I had to go to was Elaaden. The second Desert planet (Though this one is hot instead of radioactive), the home of the exiled Krogans, and another planet where the Angaran have an established presence and have been in contact with the exiles for 14 months with Ryder being first contact 14 months later. Though I was just glad to finally find out where Drak had apparently come from ever since he mentioned moving with his clan after leaving the Nexus and being found on EOS, despite his clan being firmly established in Elaaden.
Like Vauld and Kadara. I drove around without any temporary limitation. Got the forward bases. Collected the quests and met the bitch in charge (In Elaaden there are actually 2 bitches in charges, though only 1 of which you can actually get rid of and replace). I did the story progression, resolved the local problems, watched an epic battle between 2 Krogan that I had absolutely no influence over (Couldn't even decide who to put incharge of New Tachanka like I could do with Kadara port), and just as quickly as I arrived at Elaaden, I had left. Leaving the Arks and Meridian to resolve.
Resolving the arks were a little dissapointing. I had hoped to recover the Arks, expand options for colonization, gain more quests and give me more reason to explore. Instead all I ended up with was 2 functional arks. A loss of about 25% of the Turians, Asarians and Salarians that came to Andromeda and not a single original Path Finder on the Nexus. And despite in game dialogue mentioning that the retrieval of the Arks had allowed for construction to continue on the Nexus, there was no visual changes of the Nexus which remained in the same half built state since the start of the game (When I saw Nexus levels, I had incorrectly believed that each time the level increased, the Nexus would gradually be completed).
And then there was Meridian, which was actually a Remnant space station/city that you needed to bring back online. At this point it was felt like the 3rd game had come into effect. While the first game had great exploration and colonization, while the 2nd game felt like a more tedius version of ME1 with less meaningful choices and plot, and more filler. And now we've moved onto the 3rd game, which is a massively rushed attempt at "ending" the game and giving some minor rewards/punishments for choices you've made through the mid game and the end boss fight being a partial Architect fight filled with many remnant forces, which follows a "warthog run" populazised by the final mission of Halo Combat Evolved.
There is nothing reflective of the rest of the game in the final missions, and after the final mission, the epilogue sets up or leaves unanswered questions that would have/should have been answered in DLC or a Sequal.
These being:
Qaurian Ark (Probably chased by 1 or more Reapers that escaped by the Crucible destroying everything)
Removing the Scourge (Implied that it could be removed in Meridian, but then never brought up again)
Uncovering the Benefactor (Likely The Elusive Man or The Shadow Broker (Could be Liara or the previous one))
Turning outposts into Colonies
Construction of Port Meridian
Fixing Ryder - 01 (Previously Habitat 07)
The Ancient AI (Disapears after the Hyperion gets stolen)
Waking Ryder's mother
Restoring Communication with the Milky Way (They questioned why communication wasn't open after setting the nexus up)
Connecting the Engine (Meridian) to the Remnant City and activating all Vaults remotely
Primus informing the Kett Empire about what's happened in the Heleus cluster
And probably a few other smaller that I can't recall at this time.
So there it is. Why does the game feel like 3 different games in 1 package? Why did the game peak at EOS and then slowly decline for the rest of the game?
I look forward to discussions in the comments.

Athlete’s foot, a common fungal infection, can be a real nuisance for anyone, not just athletes. Characterized by itchy, burning, and peeling skin, it often affects the areas between the toes. If you’re dealing with this irritating condition, you’re likely searching for the best remedies to clear it up quickly and effectively. Here’s a comprehensive guide on the best treatments for athlete’s foot.

1. Over-the-Counter Antifungal Creams and Sprays

One of the most effective and readily available treatments for athlete’s foot is over-the-counter (OTC) antifungal creams and sprays. Products containing clotrimazole, miconazole, or terbinafine are particularly effective. These medications work by targeting the fungus directly, helping to alleviate symptoms and eradicate the infection.
How to Use:

• Clean and dry the affected area thoroughly.
• Apply the cream or spray as directed, usually twice daily.
• Continue treatment for the full duration recommended, even if symptoms improve before completion.

2. Home Remedies

Several home remedies can help alleviate the symptoms of athlete’s foot and support the healing process. Here are a few popular options:
Tea Tree Oil: Known for its antifungal and antiseptic properties, tea tree oil can be an effective natural remedy.
How to Use:

• Dilute tea tree oil with a carrier oil (like coconut oil) in a 1:1 ratio.
• Apply the mixture to the affected area twice daily.

Vinegar Soaks: Vinegar creates an acidic environment that can inhibit fungal growth.
How to Use:

• Mix one part vinegar with two parts water.
• Soak your feet in the solution for 15-20 minutes daily.

Baking Soda: Baking soda can help neutralize odor and provide relief from itching.
How to Use:

• Create a paste with baking soda and a little water.
• Apply it to the affected areas, let it sit for 10 minutes, then rinse off and dry your feet thoroughly.

3. Prescription Medications

For more severe or persistent cases of athlete’s foot, a visit to your healthcare provider might be necessary. They can prescribe stronger antifungal medications, including oral antifungals like fluconazole or itraconazole, or more potent topical treatments.

4. Proper Foot Hygiene

Maintaining good foot hygiene is crucial in treating and preventing athlete’s foot. Here are some key tips:

• Keep Feet Clean and Dry: Wash your feet daily with soap and water, and dry them thoroughly, especially between the toes.
• Change Socks Regularly: Wear clean socks made of breathable materials like cotton or moisture-wicking fabrics, and change them at least once a day or whenever they become damp.
• Use Antifungal Powder: Sprinkle antifungal powder on your feet and inside your shoes to keep the area dry and reduce fungal growth.

5. Avoid Contaminated Areas

Athlete’s foot is highly contagious. Avoid walking barefoot in communal areas such as locker rooms, showers, and swimming pools. Wear flip-flops or shower shoes to protect your feet from contact with potentially contaminated surfaces.

6. Proper Footwear

Choose shoes that are breathable and provide good ventilation. Avoid wearing tight, closed-toe shoes for extended periods, as they create a warm, moist environment conducive to fungal growth. Rotate your shoes regularly to allow them to air out between uses.

Conclusion

Dealing with athlete’s foot can be frustrating, but with the right treatment and preventive measures, you can effectively manage and overcome this condition. Whether you opt for OTC antifungal products, natural home remedies, or prescription medications, the key is consistency and good foot hygiene. By following these tips, you’ll be on your way to healthy, itch-free feet in no time. If you need further assistance, consider consulting a podiatrist athlete's foot specialist for professional advice.

i have always been a numbers guy. math came quick to me, specifically arithmetic. In 2nd grade when we did those pages full of addition or subtraction they had to give me two pages because I’d finish a paper (albeit one or two mistakes out of 50ish problems) and just be sitting there. Then in 4th grade I had 2 multiplication or division papers as well. I didn’t enjoy the theory based math nearly as much, so I didn’t pursue past Calculus II. I liked it because it was still math, but I couldn’t see it being useful to continue into, at least for me.
Now I am in my 4/4 year of college and I should be graduating with my Undergrad this year. I have figured Accounting was it after a grueling two years of economics/finance, again not into theory. Since then, accounting has just become natural to me, i like debits/credits, i understand depreciation, i actually enjoy doing taxes whether it be individual, business, or even not for profit, i feel like I am finding that i genuinely enjoy accounting topics that i am being introduced to.
To be more clear, I had a tax internship this past tax season, first time i had dipped my toes in the actual career field. I enjoyed every second of it. I was working at my other job 30+ hours a week and did 15 hours of taxes every week, I can actually say, I can picture myself doing taxes for 10hrs a day or 55+ hours a week.
For context, internship offered me full time starting april 16th right after my internship. Mcol on West coast and making 55k while i still have 1 year left in college.
Am I going to hit a roadblock at some point? Or has this reigned true for others during the start of their careers? Is this maybe foreshadowing an enjoyment filled career? Or will I eventually crash and fall, maybe when my CPA desires start to approach. I just feel like I do not resonate with a lot of people on this subreddit and i want to know if it’s a me problem. Ty for your input

Hi, I have been reading a lot of old posts about similar reactions to bug bites but I'm back at the hospital now waiting for a third time.. maybe you guys have some input.
So 11 days ago I got bit/stung by something, I just noticed a bump when I came home and thought nothing of it. The next day it started to itch like crazy and the affected area grew, like 10cm wide, red.. and a red streak appeared. I thought I scratched too hard and left it alone. I know now it could be worse than that.
Two days later I came down with a cold, or so I thought. I had a fever for 2 days and was feeling pretty bad but thought it was a common cold, just bad timing. I finally went to the health center and the lazy doctor said it looked like an allergic reaction.. Fine, I took some antihistamine but I didn't trust him so I went to the emergency room the next day and they did a couple of blood tests (I'm still waiting for the results). This doctor suspected an infection, perhaps from a tic.
I got started on antibiotics and I'm on day 4/5 now and the redness is slowly fading. I still have a stuffy nose. But I guess it's working.
Today when I woke up I felt a little weird in my other arm, like burning and a little stiff when I bend it. The area has grown and now it's going from the elbow towards my hand. I can't see any redness, only a burning sensation and I'm worried it's from the infection, or if they damaged a nerve when they drew my blood. But can that show up 5 days later?
Anyway.. Posting a pic for you to see how bad it was last week.
Thanks in advance for any advice.

Time for a new post! We will be doing a brand new Sinister Six event on Thursday, where we will play the sinister six vs Spidey.
If your alliance underperformed now is the time to try and get into a new one!
Players: You really, really want to be in an alliance before joining a boss event. Preferably an active one. Preferably one that communicates. You are unlikely to clear more than 2-3 rounds by yourself and 5-6 without an active alliance. You triply so want to be in one like that this time because maximum personal progression, and alliance round 8, will both be rewarding guaranteed 5* covers. Not legendary tokens, outright covers.
A well-formatted "looking for alliance" post contains:

• A description of your desired reward tier and play style
• An approximate description of your roster (examples: new account; 3* characters champed; solid 4* player with some classic champ 5s; etc.)
• Recent past performance - express as final points per event for PVP or completion multiplier for PVE.
• Current alliance and in-game ID.

Commanders: Y'all know the drill by now, but a well-formatted post contains:

• The alliance (or alliance family) name, approximate placement tier, and number of vacancies
• Expectations, both in-game and out-of-game
• Who/how to contact.

Here are some examples:
As a player, I'd say that I'm looking for a t100 (preferably) or t250 (in a pinch) PVE-only alliance. I've got a solid selection of 5* champs, though none of the latest thanks to an extended break away from the game that was pandemic-related. I generally hit between 120% and 150% of the maximum score, depending on which flip I manage to catch. I can be found in SoonToBeNamed as _________.
As a commander, I'd say that the SoonToBeNamed family of alliances currently has ___ openings in Vamanos Pest, a t250 PVE-only alliance that is flirting with t100 placements. As part of that move, we're looking to recruit a few more full-progression (or more) players to help bump the average up. Accordingly, the expectations for new recruits going forward would be daily play (unless absences communicated via the alliance family Discord), full progression or more on a rolling 5/6 of the previous PVE events, full possible effort in boss events (expectations adjusted for roster strength), and membership in the alliance family Discord server (lurkers OK).
Don't forget to edit your post after you have either found a spot, or all of the spots are filled!
Have at it!!!!!

TLDR -------------------------------------
The problem: My fish, Zane, has been extremly lethargic for about a while. A white spot has developed on his side in the last few days. And he is no longer swimming up for food.
What I think it could be: stress (moving, bioload, bad tank location in the house, etc), old age, or sick - maybe swim bladder disease.
What I'd like to get from this post: help identifying the problem and help addressing/fixing it.
Images linked here
Full Story --------------------------------
The time line: - Student teaching Jan 17 - May 1 - Return to fish Mar 15 / April 25-28 / May 6-11 - Friend watches fish Mar 25-28 / April 28 - May 5 / - Fish Moved April 28 / in travel cup until April 30 / in small tank until May 13 / new tank set up May 13 / new filter pump and cartridge May 14 - I start worrying about lethargy April 28 - Different friend watches fish May 10-12 - says he swam up to get food once or twice - partner cares for fish May 14-17
The situation: I was student teaching this spring (Jan 17 - May 1) and so my partner was taking care of Zane in our old apartment while I moved in with family. I have been back at different times during the semester (March 15 / April 26 / May 6-11 ) and my partner has come to visit me too (March 25-28 / April 28 - May 5) and during those times a neighbor has watched him. Any time we have a trusted friend watched him, they will fed him 3 blood worms daily because it is easy to measure. Our friends all have animals and follow the exact instructions we leave.
I have had Zane since February 25, 2021. As he has gotten older, he has slowed down and taken longer to respond, but he still had a lot of energy and swam up to greet you or get food in the morning. But lately he has gotten really lethargic and appears sick.
I don't know the parameters or if there was a strict cleaning schedule while I was student teaching outside of topping the water up every 2 weeks. But, now that things have calmed down we will be returning to a set schedule.
Recently we got a different apartment near where I was student teaching and my partner moved in with me. During the transition of moving, the semester ending, and graduation there were periods where my partner cared for Zane, I cared for him, or a friend cared for him. Zane moved into the new apartment with us on April 28.
He was in a travel bowl for 2 days (it's bigger than the petstore cups, but idk how big it actually is), then he was in a 2 gallon cube for another 10 days days before we got his 5 gallon tank back and set up. During moving we packed as much water as we could into takeaway soup containers because I thought it would be best to bring his old water that already had the bacteria and stuff. When we got back I took everything out of the tank (I wanted to search the gravel for snails) and then added the fluvel substrate and some of the old fishtank gravel on top. I dumped the water filled with all the gravel debris before adding the new substrate. I put all the decorations back then added the old water we saved and the new water from his 2 gal temporary tank together. I doubt the temporary tank was cycled, but he is usually fine staying in that tank when I travel. It's always filtered water, heated, conditioned and left to sit out for a day before adding him. During this process, I had him in a sealed plastic bowl Tupperware with holes in the top and then let him acclimate to the new water by setting the bowl in the tank. I was concerned about the old filter because it looked very gross, so I replaced the entire unit.
Since moving Zane has been really lethargic and spends all his time laying in the bottom of the tank. He used to have a lot of energy, swim around, rest on the plants, or rest on the heater, hunt shrimp, and I suspect he also tried to hit the snail once he realized it was in his tank.
Now, I know he is moving because when we check on him, several times a day, he's in a different spot than he was the previous time. But, in uploading photos, I noticed all of the photos I have are from the same corner of the tank, so maybe he isn't moving as much as he was earlier.
He also moves quickly if we gently brush against him or beside him. But, he is no longer swimming up for food or acting like he used to. He does look at us when we come near him. His eyes look like they're following us. He is breathing because his gills are moving, but it seems labored. I think he is stressed with the move, but his color is fine. He used to sleep or rest a lot too but his fins were always moving when he did and now they don't seem to be.
He has been in the new set up for about a week or two now and a few days ago (maybe May 17/18) I noticed a white spot on his side. It's only one, so I don't think it's itch. There is some white fuzzy something on the driftwood, but according to google it's just bacterial growth and should be fine. I've reduced the food I give him because it doesn't seem like he's eating in all. I used to feed him a small pinch of bug bites or 3 bloodworms because he seemed to have more energy with that pattern than without.
Appearance wise, his color is fine, it doesn't look like itch, it doesn't look like popeye, and his scales aren't pineconing. It could be swim bladder disease?
Thank you for your help.

Hello everyone,
I am really worried because I think my cartilage piercing is infected. I have a lot of sinus issues, so last week, I went to sort of a massage therapist to resolve the problem. While putting oil on the back of my neck, she was massaging this in and hitting my piercing everytime she did so. It hurt, and I asked her to avoid it but she didn't. She hit the piercing at least 20 times HARD.
Three days ago, I noticed the piercing was hurting. Yesterday, I noticed a MASSIVE bump on the back of the piercing and the earring looks smaller in my ear. I am worried it is becoming embedded. I can still move the piercing to the front so I believe it can still be taken out. But I am really worried.
Since cleaning it was saline spray, the piercing only hurts when I try to move the crusties surrounding it. It doesn't feel hot and I do not have a fever. It also doesn't constantly hurt. I am going to the piercer to get a longer bar. I was wondering if there is anything else I should do. I already have a longer bar in but with the bump it is not long enough.
This piercing is 2 1/2 months old, I got it pierced March 5th. I haven't had any issues with it, other than slight bruising when I first got it. I believe I have a flat-back internally threaded stud in the piercing, and it has not been downsized but the swelling is enough to reach the back of the piercing (I can still see the entire back though). My aftercare includes spraying it with the NeilMD Saline Spray.
Also I wanted to add that the piercing has a lot of crust, it is yellow. I don't see pus leaking out of the piercing, just yellow dried crust but there is enough of it to cover the front of the piercing and it comes back even after I clean it off. Like I said, it doesn't hurt or feel hot to touch.
Edit: I read some posts that suggest the piercing might be irritated rather than infected. I can't change the title of the post but would still like some feedback. Thank you!

Can we make them a lil bit less damage spongy? Did designers of Pits really think that most of the time in greater rift 2.0 should be spent on bosses? Was pits really supposed to be boss runs with a lil bit of speed bump in shape of bar filling?
Edit: sponges begin at I dont know, maybe like 61 tier. Below that I didnt notice much of an issue.

Hello there! On Saturday (4 days ago) I had intense itching in the gap between my ring finger and my pinky. It was a strange itch that wouldn’t go away, I suffer from pretty bad eczema and I know it was not an eczema itch, it just didn’t feel the same. After about 8 hours the itch had fully disappeared, it was just a bit red and there were no bumps at this point in time.
3 days later on Monday, I noticed strange bumps on my fingers which I have attached pictures off in this post.
They are not very itchy but they do get a bit itchy at some points in time, such as last night.
When I noticed them, they had little tiny black dots right at the top of the bumps, one each, but after about 24h those dots have gone.
I would just like to ask for your opinion on the matter, please let me know if you need anymore information and I will be swift to respond.
Thanks :)

This is my first time posting on reddit after lurking around a bunch of communities. I felt the need to ask or talk about this with more people. I (25M) am trying to get over friends (25M and 26M) who are going no-contact because of various reasons. I know wanting control over the issue is impossible but i can't help but want to try and fix this.
Context: I recently was/am going through a lot of issues in real life, from possible skin cancer to job hunting problems and a multitude of others. And i am ashamed to admit i have done so many things wrong that have pushed away 2 friends whom i regard as a few of my closer ones or at least gaming buddies. Its been more than a month since we spoke. And i am in turmoil over it.
I was extremely depressed/anxiety filled while dealing with simultaneous changed for the worse with my job, health and studies. A co-worker was leaving the company, and they were in-charge of a lot of duties that will (now) require me to fill in for the moment they leave. They were also a good friend of mine during my 2 years at the work place.
I was also preparing for a part-time undergraduate programme's admission and the tension/anxiety from just thinking about going into university after 4 years of not studying was not light. I wasn't even sure if my spot would be confirmed/allocated since my application may get rejected, the impending costs if successful either didn't help with my mental worry about finances since my job is not paying well.
Amidst all these i had to worry about a growth on my shin that was possibly skin cancer related since it was out of the blue and not an irritation or a mole. Its most probably a cyst due to recent events hinting the symptoms, but only a biopsy will confirm this. The reason why this was also traumatising was because my father recently had a toe amputated due to skin cancer, and my maternal grandfather passed on due to brain cancer. So medical history wise it was weighing on me.
There were also other issues which heavily contributed to my deterioration but these were the main ones i focused on.
So i was stuck between depressed, anxiety-filled and a lot of irritation with life and its started to affect my friendship with my friends. While we interacted i was stuttering, choking on my words and just couldn't bring the capacity to just outright speak about my concerns/worries. I began to trauma dump, outburst at the smallest of things and begged for attention to distract myself. I annoyed one of them by the consistent pestering for attention and pissed of the other as they were caught in the cross fire of myself and the friend i annoyed.
It got to a point where they actively avoided me, they tried to help. But it ended up with a summary of "We can't help you if you can't help yourself". They were right, but i just couldn't do it at the time. I also frantically looked for ways to try and communicate but all of it ended horribly. I gave them so much stress and they all had their own worries in their lives. They didn't need more baggage on their hands.
I eventually went to seek a therapist and spoke to a mutual friend. But this mutual friend (27F) disagreed with how i was dealing with my feelings and/or how i was approaching it. They told me i needed time, my friends needed time. I confided in her, and she assured me i should focus on solving my problems first. And everything else will be fine. So i started to try and isolate myself to fix my problems. I unfriended my friends on social media to attempt to distance myself. However the longing for interaction came back. I tried to talk to them again and it was met with anger, which i know was my fault. I am unstable, and its not pleasant for anyone.
With the fear of my mortality due to possible cancer and the fear of not having said time i told them i really didn't need time. I was going to recover no matter what it took, I was extremely emotionally attached to my friends. She has since went no contact with me after she checked on me once with the interaction having gone sour due to this.
I realised i had a myriad of issues, from abandonment to communication and i was extremely broken. I really want to be with them and function, but I'm lost. I want closure and its not happening anytime soon but everytime i try to focus on fixing myself I'm just reminded i haven't patched things up with them.
I've been trying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and a gratitude journal to try and curb my overthinking and FOMO/emotional attachment to my friends. While its helped me to gain some control over my thoughts, I still feel empty. I am unmotivated to continue my hobbies, and I can't being myself to step away from social media since i have other friends that exclusively communicate on there. I need advice on how to move on, but i can't bring myself to forget about these friends since...they were the most genuine people I've met in years. And they've also cared for me more than some, i'm torn.
** I have since seen a doctor and have a surgery lined up for the biopsy and i have received my offer of admission to university.

I'm genuinely feeling encouraged and wanted to share something positive on this sub. This is long but, I don't know, maybe it'll spur something in someone else the way I was feeling spurred...
Have you ever just felt a building up of feelings where it feels like God or the universe is telling you "Now is the time to change."? I've been feeling this for many weeks now. I don't really know how to describe it but, daily, I was just overcome with thoughts and feelings that I need to change. I felt like I couldn't lose these feelings. Whether it's God, the vibes of the universe, what my friend tells me was something to do with planets and stars, or just a feeling from within that I needed to change or I would lose the person I love and also that I would die if I didn't change... I took hold and went with the flow.
It definitely hasn't been just all rainbows and sunshine of course. But I do feel a deep seed of change in me. My partner, in his frustration over my health/weight, asked me to do three things: eat a can of beans daily, and walk for 30min, and to track my time wasted and keep it to less than an hour.
I did that for two months. The most beneficial of the 3 was tracking my time wasted. It's easy for me to get sucked into things like Insta, Youtube, Buzzfeed, and Reddit for far too long. I also have this horrible habit of wasting time when I park my car and just sit on my phone. This was eye opening and it made me think introspectively. I looked back on my life to a time ten years ago when I used to not watch much tv, I listened to more music, I exercised more, I read more, and was all around more happy. I binged, but was overall happier. In short, I realized that with things online being so much more accessible, I shifted my time and attention to those things. Now, other things also contributed like a change in jobs from high energy retail to a slow office, a loved one with serious health issues, a vitamin D deficiency that went undiagnosed for years, etc. I can't blame it all on the internet and smart phones and social media. But when you're unhappy in life, those things are so much easier to turn to. And you know what pairs well with depression and mindless tv/scrolling? Delicious fucking food.
I could get into a super long thing about how I started bingeing as a teen, things got worse after I became more sedentary and depressed. But I know long posts tend to bore people. So I'll just try to focus more on what I've been doing.
I continued with the goals from my partner and I added some myself. For me, I've felt better focusing on adding positive things rather than just saying "I'm not going to binge anymore!".
My original goals:

• Eat a can of beans/equivalent amount of tofu daily. (I'm a vegetarian)
  • The purpose of this is to get more protein. I have found that doing this made me really have to think through my meals ahead of time.
• Walk 30min daily.
  • I just walk around my studio apartment. Some days I feel like shit and literally just walk in place while playing a video game. Putting on a show that I only watch while walking has been nice as well. Gives me something to focus on other than the actual walking.
• Tracking my time wasted and keeping it to less than 1hr.
  • This has been hard. But so eye-opening. Basically, if I'm supposed to be doing something and I'm not, I'm wasting time. I've been keeping my social media/online/streaming consumption down by combining it with other things. I can watch something while I eat a designated meal because I can do both at the same time. I look at Insta while I have breaks at work or I'm waiting on something (waiting in line, in a waiting room, got to work 10min early and can't clock in, etc). When tracking this wasted time, I would look at the time and then I would indulge. I would then try to guess how much time I had wasted before actually checking the clock. I found that I was WAY underestimating how much time here and there I was wasting. What I would think was only 10min could easily be 34min in reality.

Newer Goals as of last few weeks. Based off the 75 Kind of Hard Challenge. I just wanted something with a timeline and goals that would benefit the changes I want in my life.

• Follow a "diet"
  • (I do my beans/tofu as my "diet"). But part of this is also that I plan my meals, I get a lot of protein, I do NOT allow chips in my home because they are my biggest binge food by far, and I aim for high protein in the mornings.
  • Other than chips, no food is off limits but I am slowly weaning myself off from some of my most unhealthy food choices that I indulge in far too often. I freaking love iced mochas/lattes but caffeine often triggers binges for me. I am also far more likely to get added things like pastries. It's just a lot of sugar and fat to start the day. So what I did was stop going to coffee shops. I told myself that if I truly needed caffeine I would drink the shitty coffee at work or could have tea.
  • High protein and volume eating veggies and fruit have been the winners for me. I feel so full all day that it all but kills the urge to binge. I also do not restrict not binge foods. I don't binge on chocolate so I have been treating myself to nice quality chocolate each week. And I ALWAYS make sure I eat it when I want it.
• Exercise for 45min a day
  • This has included a 30min walk plus whatever else I want to do. But today I did all bodyweight exercises. I only care that I'm doing something to move my body.
• Drink a minimum 64oz of water daily
  • I bought some True Lemon water enhancing packets and a bunch of flavored seltzers. This helps fill me up.
• Take a progress photo daily
  • This one isn't so important to me but it did force me to really look at myself from all angles. And it will be nice to see my progress throughout this time.
• Read 10pgs of a book daily.
  • This helps because it is a goal that is not diet/exercise/binge related. It also helps me not waste my time. I used to love reading and I read several books a year. I hate that I haven't finished a book in years. I'm 2 weeks into this challenge and I've already finished one book and started another.

I had decided on a version of the 75 Hard Challenge because I recall a friend of mine had done this challenge about 2yrs ago and she had said it was really hard but very positive mentally, more than physically, for her.
Now I want to be honest. When I first started my original goals I was bingeing. But I was also forcing myself to eat those freaking beans, too. I was miserable! I hate admitting this but if anyone will understand it's hopefully some of you, but I literally ate beans and potato chips. I once put the beans on a pizza that I ordered! It sounds so disgusting and crazy. My partner found out and he was so disappointed in me. He basically told me I need to show him with my actions that I can change because he can't trust my words anymore; which really hurt.
I did binge about a week into my new goals. I haven't binged since. I know it hasn't been a long time since the last binge but I personally think that as long as I'm working towards my goals consistently, a single binge will not knock me off. In fact, I am expecting to binge. But bingeing once every few weeks is far better than daily. I'm striving to do better, not be perfect.
Another thing that has helped is taking my vitamins daily. A while back I found out that due to having jobs for so long where I went into work before the sun came up and left as it was going down, I had an extremely low level of Vitamin D. I kid you not, I was falling asleep within 5min of just sitting down anywhere. This also kicked off my habit of buying mochas/lattes.
Right now, I'm working on eliminating fried foods from my diet. I mean like deep fried foods like fries. Man, the chokehold any fried potato has on me is stupidly embarrassing! I have an air fryer at home and that's totally fine to use for when I want something crispy. Today I found myself in a position where I had just gotten out of work, had long drive, and was hungry aka was feeling that itch to binge or just eat something extremely fatty and I really wanted fried potatoes of some kind. I suddenly recalled that Wendys sells baked potatoes. I got their chive and sour cream baked potato and a medium chocolate Frosty. Is that the best thing? No. Is it far better than bingeing or eating deep fried fatty foods? Yep!
I always read how you shouldn't restrict when it comes to binge eating. My attitude right now is that I'm not at a place where I can reintroduce potato chips right now. I don't have the mentality that I'll NEVER have them again. I told myself that after the 75 of following my goals, I can re-evaluate if I am ready to reintroduce chips and how that will look.
I have also just been working on my mental health. In a perfect world I would see a therapist and have a dietician/nutritionist, and a personal trainer. But I can't afford that so I have me and my broke ass. I have a pinterest board where I save (and actually use!) things that inspire me to be the person I want to be. Going through these goals has inspired other goals. I printed out a photo of the character Richie from the show The Bear because his character is really going through it in the beginning of the show but he goes through so much character development I literally sobbed because I was so happy for this fictional character. So I have a photo of Richie in his suit being his best self. I tell myself to "Be a Richie".
I used to paint my nails all the time but at some point I just stopped because I stopped caring about myself. This weekend I felt, for the first time in a long time, that I really wanted to paint my nails and feel good. I painted them bright pink. And today I actually put on some mascara for work.
I'm just feeling positive and hopeful for the first time in a long time.