Women groped on buses
Bears, false accusations, and random people
2024.05.21 17:01 egalitarian-flan Bears, false accusations, and random people
We all know that ridiculous bear vs man question going around currently. Who would a woman prefer to stumble across in the woods; a random man or a random bear? Some women are choosing the dude, some are choosing the bear, and a lot of men online are getting upset about the latter choice.
However, I want to discuss the fact that a lot of men online also wouldn't choose to be alone with a random woman due to the threat of false accusations. We aren't just talking about mgtow either, but average everyday men just out here living their lives. From men who say that dating scares them because of the threat of being called out for stuff they never did, to men saying they wouldn't help a drowning woman because she could later claim he groped her, some men do have a fear of the potential damage an unknown woman could create for him.
I've encountered this personally at my full-time job, where I'm required to go out to people's homes and survey their land for building permits/landscape work. Many times it's a couple I'm meeting with, but there's also times I'll be meeting a man by himself. For about 1/3 of those appointments, the client has either requested I reschedule for when their wife is home, ask me to bring another surveyor to just be around, or they insist on recording our interaction. About a dozen times the client apologized and said he simply doesn't feel comfortable being around women, and could one of my male coworkers do the visit instead.
Their general explanation for these requests amount to "no offense intended, but you're a woman I don't know". The first few times this happened, it did seem sexist...until I learned the same thing happens to my male coworkers with some of their female clients. In general, it appears that for a decent segment of the population, they simply want to take precautions when dealing with strangers of the opposite sex, or else avoid the threat entirely. For women this tends to be physical harm, for men this tends to be social harm. BOTH are valid reasons for concern.
So I figured let's open this up to a (hopefully) productive discussion.
Men, have you ever not gone somewhere or did something purely because you wanted to avoid being around women you don't know? Women, have you ever done the same? Did you feel guilty about wanting to avoid a person solely because of their sex, or did you simply view it as a necessary precaution? Have you ever been in a dangerous or extremely uncomfortable situation with the opposite sex where you ended up wishing you'd declined being around them?
submitted by egalitarian-flan to PurplePillDebate [link] [comments]
However, I want to discuss the fact that a lot of men online also wouldn't choose to be alone with a random woman due to the threat of false accusations. We aren't just talking about mgtow either, but average everyday men just out here living their lives. From men who say that dating scares them because of the threat of being called out for stuff they never did, to men saying they wouldn't help a drowning woman because she could later claim he groped her, some men do have a fear of the potential damage an unknown woman could create for him.
I've encountered this personally at my full-time job, where I'm required to go out to people's homes and survey their land for building permits/landscape work. Many times it's a couple I'm meeting with, but there's also times I'll be meeting a man by himself. For about 1/3 of those appointments, the client has either requested I reschedule for when their wife is home, ask me to bring another surveyor to just be around, or they insist on recording our interaction. About a dozen times the client apologized and said he simply doesn't feel comfortable being around women, and could one of my male coworkers do the visit instead.
Their general explanation for these requests amount to "no offense intended, but you're a woman I don't know". The first few times this happened, it did seem sexist...until I learned the same thing happens to my male coworkers with some of their female clients. In general, it appears that for a decent segment of the population, they simply want to take precautions when dealing with strangers of the opposite sex, or else avoid the threat entirely. For women this tends to be physical harm, for men this tends to be social harm. BOTH are valid reasons for concern.
So I figured let's open this up to a (hopefully) productive discussion.
Men, have you ever not gone somewhere or did something purely because you wanted to avoid being around women you don't know? Women, have you ever done the same? Did you feel guilty about wanting to avoid a person solely because of their sex, or did you simply view it as a necessary precaution? Have you ever been in a dangerous or extremely uncomfortable situation with the opposite sex where you ended up wishing you'd declined being around them?
2024.05.21 14:13 -She-Beast- Our VOICE, a local nonprofit, addresses sexual harassment in the food and beverage industry.
 | That’s just what it’s like working in a bar,’ some say. submitted by -She-Beast- to asheville [link] [comments] Others might push it aside for financial reasons — ‘Don’t you want more tips?’ But local advocates say addressing sexual harassment and sexual violence is key to preventing it from continuing. Especially in the hospitality industry, where it is prevalent. A 2018 Harvard Business Review study of 76 female college students working in food and beverage service jobs found that more than two-thirds reported experiencing sexual harassment each month of the three-month study. The most frequent behaviors described included being told suggestive sexual stories, offensive remarks and crude, sexual comments. On a Monday afternoon in April, a small group gathered at Avenue M, a restaurant on Merrimon Avenue, to learn strategies to prevent and address sexual harassment in the service industry. The “86 It” training, held by Our VOICE, an Asheville-based nonprofit serving survivors of sexual violence and human trafficking, was organized by Asheville Food and Beverage United, a trade group for service workers. “Harassment can include … unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature,” according to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. However, “harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex.” Perpetrators and victims can be of any gender. Our VOICE prevention educator Mercy Sosa elucidates the many forms harassment can take in the service industry: female staff encouraged to wear makeup and form-fitting clothing; LGBTQ staff pressed to conform to gender norms in grooming and dress; sexist or homophobic jokes; letting unwanted behavior from guests continue due to the mentality that “the customer is always right.” “We all know [sexual harassment] is something that’s kind of culturally accepted,” says Miranda Escalante, manager and bar lead for Avenue M and a member of AFBU, in an interview with Xpress. “So I think it is important for workers to have the tools and feel safe to say ‘Hey, this is not OK.’” She continues, “There are owners with reputations in our city, unfortunately, and there are places in our city that have these reputations for not being completely safe for their workers.” Protecting each other “86 It” is one of several community trainings offered by Our VOICE. Others include preventing drug-facilitated sexual assault, bystander intervention and preventing sexual harassment in the workplace. Themes of the trainings overlap, and April’s “86 It” session addressed drug-facilitated sexual assault and how to intervene or interrupt potential harassment or violence. The former can look like drugging, or “roofie-ing,” a person’s beverage, pushing a person to drink more or targeting someone who is already intoxicated, Sosa explains. She notes that assault can still occur if someone has consumed substances consensually. Our VOICE adult prevention educator Allie Stec addresses the “4 Ds” of bystander intervention: address the behavior directly, distract the parties, delegate or ask for help from someone else and document the behavior. Interrupting behavior can be as simple as telling a worker, “Hey, they need you in the back” to separate the individual from a harasser, Stec says. TIME TO INTERVENE Our VOICE prevention educator Allie Stec explains several bystander intervention tactics to interrupt sexual harassment occurring in the food and beverage industry. It can be as simple as one worker saying to another, “Hey, they need you in the back” to separate the worker from a harasser, Stec said. Photo by Jessica Wakeman Asheville City Council member Kim Roney, a former food and beverage worker who attended the “86 It” training in April, encourages people in positions of power to speak up when they see or hear inappropriate behavior. Cultural setting is an important aspect of addressing sexual harassment in the service industry, Sosa tells the group. Our VOICE suggests a “strong, well-known policy that covers more than the law” and established procedures for how to respond to harassment complaints. Sosa also advises frequent discussions about the policy, as well as trainings like “86 It.” Unwanted attention Sexual harassment in the form of unwanted attention can come from customers or co-workers, explains Sosa. Either way, unwanted attention needs to be addressed before the perpetrator escalates the behavior to sexual violence. Morgan Persky of Woodfin experienced a lot of unwanted attention and touching when she worked in hospitality at a restaurant for a year. She tells Xpress the harassment began after a few months on the job. The kitchen manager “would kind of corner” the female employees and ask them for hugs, which were “tight” and “lingered,” Persky says. His “hands would be around an arm or back,” and the women agreed that his hugs felt “creepy.” They would try to pivot their bodies to “go in for a side hug,” Persky explains. Yet this kitchen manager’s lingering hugs were only half the harassment Persky endured. He and some cooks would make comments about her body, both to her directly and talking among themselves. And she says when the kitchen manager hugged her, he would ask, “Why don’t we hang out? You never want to hang out with me!” Persky says she never acquiesced. “I’m sure I made some kind of excuse, like ‘I’m tired,’” she explains. “I didn’t want to be outright rude, because I was afraid of any consequences. I didn’t know if there would be any.” The owner of that restaurant was regularly on-site. Persky told him how she was being harassed, and he replied, “You need to have thicker skin,” she says. Persky adds that she knew a co-worker came to the owner about sexual harassment by the kitchen manager, too. At that, Persky says, the owner “panicked.” “He was like, ‘Don’t say sexual harassment! I don’t want to hear that!’” Persky recalls. “‘You can’t go around saying that.’” The owner’s reaction felt as if “he basically told me to shut up and deal with it,” she explains. Angry, disappointed and feeling “trapped,” she quit the job three weeks later. “I knew it was never going to get better,” she says. Getting physical There’s a crucial difference between flirting and sexual harassment, Sosa tells the group convened at Avenue M. Generally speaking, flirting is consensual, and it feels good. Sexual harassment feels uncomfortable or bad, and it happens without the victim’s consent. Heather Gressett worked in the service industry from ages 13-30, beginning in Chicago. She says sexual harassment wasn’t discussed in her workplace or in school. As a result, she didn’t recognize sexual violence when it was happening to her. “It was just so normalized that even I didn’t know it was wrong,” Gressett explains, adding that so many years in the industry and so many violent experiences may have “desensitized [me] to a lot of stuff.” In retrospect, Gressett sees more clearly how co-workers violated her, including when she was a minor. “I was sexually assaulted by so many men,” she tells Xpress. At 16 years old, a co-worker in his 30s, who was married with kids, pushed her against a wall and kissed her, she says. And at another restaurant, a co-worker followed her into a walk-in refrigerator, turned the lights off and groped her. Gressett says she also engaged in sexual harassment in restaurants by grabbing guys’ butts. “We would all just do it to each other — it was like a thing.” Gressett says she cringes when she thinks about her actions now, referring to them as “a trauma response” or coping mechanism. “It was almost a way to normalize my own assaults,” she explains. “If I’m doing this to other people, it’s not so big of a deal, right?” Seven years ago, Gressett moved to Western North Carolina and worked at several restaurants and breweries here. While she says she saw some problematic behavior — such as brewery owners who would not call a transgendered worker by their correct name — sexual harassment wasn’t as extreme in the service industry here as it was in Chicago. “Maybe there’s a shift in me where I was, like, I’m not going to accept this anymore,” she muses. Gressett also sees younger people in the service industry demanding to be treated with respect and advocating for their rights. As Escalante from AFBU puts it, young folks are no longer tacitly accepting sexual harassment as part of the job that must be endured. And people like Gressett, who experienced sexual violence in the service industry themselves, are motivated to be more responsible bosses than the ones they had. Gressett now runs her own business, Lily Mae’s Desserts. She’s currently the only employee, but she’s dedicated to fostering dignity and respect. “When I do have a staff, I want to set an example for how my work culture is,” she says. “It starts with me, right?” |
2024.05.21 13:59 skinnymisterbug How to make friends at a job site
I’m starting next month as a suuuuper green IBEW apprentice. I’m so stoked to start working and learning an amazing trade. This morning I practice drove to where my contractor works to get a feel for the commute and then I just kinda sat from a distance and watched everything unfold. It was awesome but also a little overwhelming!
Seeing buses drive and empty full of men in hi-vis vests hauling their lunch boxes & tool belts gave me a moment of pause as I realized I will be one of very few, if any, women on the site. I know I don’t need to share my life with anyone there and my job will be to listen and learn above all else, but I tend to get a little shy when I don’t feel in control/confident in my surroundings. And I definitely don’t want to make a bad name for myself.
Does anyone have advice on how to make acquaintances — or at the very least, avoid enemies — when starting out fresh?
TIA!
submitted by skinnymisterbug to BlueCollarWomen [link] [comments]
Seeing buses drive and empty full of men in hi-vis vests hauling their lunch boxes & tool belts gave me a moment of pause as I realized I will be one of very few, if any, women on the site. I know I don’t need to share my life with anyone there and my job will be to listen and learn above all else, but I tend to get a little shy when I don’t feel in control/confident in my surroundings. And I definitely don’t want to make a bad name for myself.
Does anyone have advice on how to make acquaintances — or at the very least, avoid enemies — when starting out fresh?
TIA!
2024.05.21 13:56 aldomlefter25 How to get over internalized racism?
Disclaimer: l am not saying Indians should take over Canada or something, I am just saying there are Indians who are well-behaved and law-abiding, honest, hard-working, and sincere people, so treat things with nuance and empathy, not with blind hatred.
Hello bros,
I've posted several times on this sub reddit asking advice and you all always gave me empathetic replies. I am asking help once more bros.
I want to start by saying that I am an Indian who resides in Canada. I grew up in India until I was 18 and left for my bachelors. My experience in India is very bad. I do not like India or Indian culture at all. I feel no one has discipline or civility. One minute on a road and you will feel the chaos that is India. Everyone is treated like an animal unless you are famous, white, or rich. No one has a proper work ethic, they are insanely misogynistic, regressive, and have a mob mentality. Honour killings are still alive. Many north Indians are racist as hell and made my (south Indian) life hell in school. They made fun of my skin colour, my language, my culture, etc. Overall, it is a terrible experience and every time I have a thought that I might have to go back to India inmediate triggers a panic attack.
I wanted to escape India and applied for universities in Canada and the US. The Canadian university was ranked much higher and was way cheaper so I chose Canada. My Canadian experience is polar opposite. I am a very ugly guy. That fact is important because despite that, everyone were so nice to me, very welcoming, and I felt like I was finally a part of something good. I instantly fell in love with the country. I felt like Canada was very efficient, everyone was treated with diginity and respect, people are friendly, and weather is also something I can tolerate. No one made me feel like I don't belong there. And I did not have any racist experience until recently.
But even in Canada, the ones who did hurt me the most were North Indians, especially people from Punjab. They were the ones who made comments about me, who were rude to me, etc. And in the last 4 years a million of them entered Canada and racism has been through its peak.
Many of these Punjabi people do not speak English, do not follow rules, misbehave with women, do not have basic hygiene, have no respect for the indigenous populations, have no respect for Canadian culture, and overall create a bad name for all Indians. They hire among their own community, discriminate against local residents, break the law, drive rashly, and so on.
I feel like there are so many Indians in Canada, especially the ones I tried to to escape. Everywhere I go I see them. My problem is not other Indians themselves, but their behaviour. I mentioned a lot of the things they do above, and I feel like it is increasing racism 10x. One look at Brampton and it feels like I am not in Canada anymore. And those areas are also chaotic and have no civility.
Recently, while walking back home from a store, someone started screaming "road shitter", "curry", etc., at me and followed me till I boarded a bus. I thought I would die that day. Since then, I grew extremely resentful towards the other immigrants. I have always followed the rules, did everything by the book, maintain hygiene, did my bachelors, and never tried to do anything illegal or inconvenience others. I even don't sit on buses because I feel like I am taking someone else's seat. I try to make sure that everyone around me is comfortable. And yet, I was the one facing the racist. I was the one who faced the hate.
This does not mean I am trying to be a white person or something. I still eat mostly Indian food, I still watch my language movies, I write my journal in my language, I go to temples, celebrate Indian festivals, etc. But when I do it, it does not bother to other people. I still respect others' right to a peaceful environment.
I feel like I am bending over backwards to make white supremacists feel good. But at the same time, any stereotypes that Indians have are true to an extent. I am an honest person and I am doing everything by the book to make sure I get a Permanent Residence. But I feel that dream has a threat because too many Indians came in and ruined the image of Indians, making it harder for others.
I don't want to feel these things. I don't want to fill my heart with hate and resentent. I want to be able to do every thing in my hands and not let others, especially the ones who hate me just for being born in a certain land, to dictate by behaviour.
How can I get over these feelings? How to not become a resentful racist? Please help!
submitted by aldomlefter25 to bropill [link] [comments]
Hello bros,
I've posted several times on this sub reddit asking advice and you all always gave me empathetic replies. I am asking help once more bros.
I want to start by saying that I am an Indian who resides in Canada. I grew up in India until I was 18 and left for my bachelors. My experience in India is very bad. I do not like India or Indian culture at all. I feel no one has discipline or civility. One minute on a road and you will feel the chaos that is India. Everyone is treated like an animal unless you are famous, white, or rich. No one has a proper work ethic, they are insanely misogynistic, regressive, and have a mob mentality. Honour killings are still alive. Many north Indians are racist as hell and made my (south Indian) life hell in school. They made fun of my skin colour, my language, my culture, etc. Overall, it is a terrible experience and every time I have a thought that I might have to go back to India inmediate triggers a panic attack.
I wanted to escape India and applied for universities in Canada and the US. The Canadian university was ranked much higher and was way cheaper so I chose Canada. My Canadian experience is polar opposite. I am a very ugly guy. That fact is important because despite that, everyone were so nice to me, very welcoming, and I felt like I was finally a part of something good. I instantly fell in love with the country. I felt like Canada was very efficient, everyone was treated with diginity and respect, people are friendly, and weather is also something I can tolerate. No one made me feel like I don't belong there. And I did not have any racist experience until recently.
But even in Canada, the ones who did hurt me the most were North Indians, especially people from Punjab. They were the ones who made comments about me, who were rude to me, etc. And in the last 4 years a million of them entered Canada and racism has been through its peak.
Many of these Punjabi people do not speak English, do not follow rules, misbehave with women, do not have basic hygiene, have no respect for the indigenous populations, have no respect for Canadian culture, and overall create a bad name for all Indians. They hire among their own community, discriminate against local residents, break the law, drive rashly, and so on.
I feel like there are so many Indians in Canada, especially the ones I tried to to escape. Everywhere I go I see them. My problem is not other Indians themselves, but their behaviour. I mentioned a lot of the things they do above, and I feel like it is increasing racism 10x. One look at Brampton and it feels like I am not in Canada anymore. And those areas are also chaotic and have no civility.
Recently, while walking back home from a store, someone started screaming "road shitter", "curry", etc., at me and followed me till I boarded a bus. I thought I would die that day. Since then, I grew extremely resentful towards the other immigrants. I have always followed the rules, did everything by the book, maintain hygiene, did my bachelors, and never tried to do anything illegal or inconvenience others. I even don't sit on buses because I feel like I am taking someone else's seat. I try to make sure that everyone around me is comfortable. And yet, I was the one facing the racist. I was the one who faced the hate.
This does not mean I am trying to be a white person or something. I still eat mostly Indian food, I still watch my language movies, I write my journal in my language, I go to temples, celebrate Indian festivals, etc. But when I do it, it does not bother to other people. I still respect others' right to a peaceful environment.
I feel like I am bending over backwards to make white supremacists feel good. But at the same time, any stereotypes that Indians have are true to an extent. I am an honest person and I am doing everything by the book to make sure I get a Permanent Residence. But I feel that dream has a threat because too many Indians came in and ruined the image of Indians, making it harder for others.
I don't want to feel these things. I don't want to fill my heart with hate and resentent. I want to be able to do every thing in my hands and not let others, especially the ones who hate me just for being born in a certain land, to dictate by behaviour.
How can I get over these feelings? How to not become a resentful racist? Please help!
2024.05.21 12:03 Prpl_Orchid14 A bittersweet EDC TW:Sexual Assault
I contemplated writing this all day but decided it might be helpful to someone else if I shared my bittersweet EDC 2024 experience.
This year was my second year at EDC, and despite a few negative experiences sprinkled throughout, I honestly had the time of my life.
Saturday, while I was sitting on the turf mound at Basspod VIP, I was assaulted. A guy, we’ll call him Mo, had come up to where me, my wife, and my wife’s friend were sitting and started talking to my wife. They chatted briefly. Then, my wife returned to dancing, and Mo turned around talking to someone else.
A few minutes later, Mo tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You and your wife look so good together.” I replied, “Aww, thank you so much,” and returned to resume my head banging. Not even five minutes later, as I was zoned out, feeling the music and vibes, I felt something brushing against my back. It was Mo.
Now, I know it’s nearly impossible not to brush up against other people, so I try to be super tolerant and understand that most people aren’t trying to be creeps; it’s just close quarters.
But no sooner than I had moved forward a bit, I felt someone’s hand underneath my vest pouch fondling and massaging my breast. Initially, when I looked back, I was confused, but I realized that Mo was lying on his back and had reached his hand under my vest.
When I turned around like, “Wtf are you doing?” He threw his hands up and just started apologizing profusely. I tried to tell him to gtfoh and go someplace else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me, but he just kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”
I don't know if my wife’s friend, sitting on my right, saw what happened, but I know she saw me fussing at this guy, trying to tell him to gtfoh. She didn’t say or do anything. Then, I told my wife, who had been talking with another couple, what happened, and that I had tried to ask him to go somewhere else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me but that he just stayed there apologizing over and over. She asked if I wanted to switch seats with her or if I wanted her to do anything, and I just said no.
The boy was clearly faded; he had mentioned this to my wife, and I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s experience, so I just turned around and tried to shake it off. I knew this wasn’t the end, and I was ready.
Again, not even five minutes had passed, and I felt a hand grip my right shoulder. I hear Mo start saying, “I’m so sorry, I…” but before he could finish, I turned around and punched him with probably the best right hook of my life. Or maybe it just felt that way because of how good it felt watching his body reel backward and seeing the anger rise in his face as the realization that he just got socked by a 5’4” 130 lb female set in.
As soon as I punched him, his friends came rushing in, pulling him back like, “Hey, chill! Our friend is just really fucked up right now,” blah blah blah. My wife turned to see the commotion and was like, “Aye, the next time your friend puts his hands on my wife, he’s getting beat tf up.”In response, one of the friends said, “This is my wife right here, so I understand,” trying to tell us we needed to calm down. My wife told them basically, “No, y’all need to get your friend because my wife was just about to cry when your friend was groping her breasts. Do you want to put your wife between him and my wife then?”
Maybe they only saw him grab my shoulder and me socking him, but no matter how I try to justify it, there are so many things wrong with everything that happened. First, if I ever see a woman straight up punch a man TWICE her size, I’m immediately going to ask her wtf happened and if she is ok.
Second, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s been painful, mainly because it still boggles my mind that sexual assault is so quickly brushed off. I’m not expecting anyone to lay hands on someone for me, but a little solidarity would have gone a long way in that situation.
I’m annoyed it didn’t become a scene until I punched him. No one wanted to get up and stand up to this man after he sexually assaulted me in front of hundreds of people—but throw a punch and, wow, the outrage.
None of the friends asked me if I was okay or tried to take him far away from me. I understand my wife and her friend not stepping in too much in the beginning; it is a man who is bigger and likely stronger, and women are often afraid that worse will happen if they make a scene, but still. If we all stood up to him and forced him to leave after assaulting me, it would have felt a hell of a lot better than having to wait to be touched again so that I could physically handle it myself.
With that, my only request is that my fellow rave-goers, please don’t be a bystander or an enabling friend. If you see something, say something. Every conflict doesn’t have to be resolved by violence. Myself and even five other people standing up to Mo saying hey you need to leave or there’s gonna be a scene, would have likely been enough to pressure him to find somewhere else to be a creep. Instead, I had to sit with this man less than a foot behind me who had just fondled and groped my breast and waited for him to strike again to defend myself. Even after I hit him, he and his friends just stayed. Please be the friend that understands when shit has gone too far, and get your friend somewhere different if they are being a nuisance.
It’s a hollowing experience. After I punched him, though, I felt 10000000 times better. I’m saddened that that’s what it had to come to, but the actions of everyone around me indicated that handling it myself was the only option. Maybe everyone around was too fucked up to register what was happening; perhaps they thought it would be better if they minded their own business, I don’t know.
The best part, though, was that afterward, a guy with a bag of wooden fucks gave me one. He said I had zero fucks when I punched that guy, so here’s a fuck. That was genuinely the highlight of my weekend, and if anyone knows this zero fucks given guy, send him my appreciation.
Despite this interaction, I had the most incredible time for the remainder of my weekend. For this one jackass, hundreds of people were kind to me in small ways throughout the weekend. Shout out to all my Basshead headbangers and our new friends from New Mexico, Steve-O, and Alexis, who were ready to find Mo for a little ‘chat’ after we told them what happened later that day. Although we didn’t take them up on the offer, that’s the kind of showing up that I appreciate. I can’t wait to see you all underneath the electric sky again next year.
TLDR: I was groped by a stranger, no one batted an eye, then I punched him, and suddenly, I need to chill. Please don’t be a bystander. See something, say something.
submitted by Prpl_Orchid14 to electricdaisycarnival [link] [comments]
This year was my second year at EDC, and despite a few negative experiences sprinkled throughout, I honestly had the time of my life.
Saturday, while I was sitting on the turf mound at Basspod VIP, I was assaulted. A guy, we’ll call him Mo, had come up to where me, my wife, and my wife’s friend were sitting and started talking to my wife. They chatted briefly. Then, my wife returned to dancing, and Mo turned around talking to someone else.
A few minutes later, Mo tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You and your wife look so good together.” I replied, “Aww, thank you so much,” and returned to resume my head banging. Not even five minutes later, as I was zoned out, feeling the music and vibes, I felt something brushing against my back. It was Mo.
Now, I know it’s nearly impossible not to brush up against other people, so I try to be super tolerant and understand that most people aren’t trying to be creeps; it’s just close quarters.
But no sooner than I had moved forward a bit, I felt someone’s hand underneath my vest pouch fondling and massaging my breast. Initially, when I looked back, I was confused, but I realized that Mo was lying on his back and had reached his hand under my vest.
When I turned around like, “Wtf are you doing?” He threw his hands up and just started apologizing profusely. I tried to tell him to gtfoh and go someplace else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me, but he just kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”
I don't know if my wife’s friend, sitting on my right, saw what happened, but I know she saw me fussing at this guy, trying to tell him to gtfoh. She didn’t say or do anything. Then, I told my wife, who had been talking with another couple, what happened, and that I had tried to ask him to go somewhere else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me but that he just stayed there apologizing over and over. She asked if I wanted to switch seats with her or if I wanted her to do anything, and I just said no.
The boy was clearly faded; he had mentioned this to my wife, and I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s experience, so I just turned around and tried to shake it off. I knew this wasn’t the end, and I was ready.
Again, not even five minutes had passed, and I felt a hand grip my right shoulder. I hear Mo start saying, “I’m so sorry, I…” but before he could finish, I turned around and punched him with probably the best right hook of my life. Or maybe it just felt that way because of how good it felt watching his body reel backward and seeing the anger rise in his face as the realization that he just got socked by a 5’4” 130 lb female set in.
As soon as I punched him, his friends came rushing in, pulling him back like, “Hey, chill! Our friend is just really fucked up right now,” blah blah blah. My wife turned to see the commotion and was like, “Aye, the next time your friend puts his hands on my wife, he’s getting beat tf up.”In response, one of the friends said, “This is my wife right here, so I understand,” trying to tell us we needed to calm down. My wife told them basically, “No, y’all need to get your friend because my wife was just about to cry when your friend was groping her breasts. Do you want to put your wife between him and my wife then?”
Maybe they only saw him grab my shoulder and me socking him, but no matter how I try to justify it, there are so many things wrong with everything that happened. First, if I ever see a woman straight up punch a man TWICE her size, I’m immediately going to ask her wtf happened and if she is ok.
Second, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s been painful, mainly because it still boggles my mind that sexual assault is so quickly brushed off. I’m not expecting anyone to lay hands on someone for me, but a little solidarity would have gone a long way in that situation.
I’m annoyed it didn’t become a scene until I punched him. No one wanted to get up and stand up to this man after he sexually assaulted me in front of hundreds of people—but throw a punch and, wow, the outrage.
None of the friends asked me if I was okay or tried to take him far away from me. I understand my wife and her friend not stepping in too much in the beginning; it is a man who is bigger and likely stronger, and women are often afraid that worse will happen if they make a scene, but still. If we all stood up to him and forced him to leave after assaulting me, it would have felt a hell of a lot better than having to wait to be touched again so that I could physically handle it myself.
With that, my only request is that my fellow rave-goers, please don’t be a bystander or an enabling friend. If you see something, say something. Every conflict doesn’t have to be resolved by violence. Myself and even five other people standing up to Mo saying hey you need to leave or there’s gonna be a scene, would have likely been enough to pressure him to find somewhere else to be a creep. Instead, I had to sit with this man less than a foot behind me who had just fondled and groped my breast and waited for him to strike again to defend myself. Even after I hit him, he and his friends just stayed. Please be the friend that understands when shit has gone too far, and get your friend somewhere different if they are being a nuisance.
It’s a hollowing experience. After I punched him, though, I felt 10000000 times better. I’m saddened that that’s what it had to come to, but the actions of everyone around me indicated that handling it myself was the only option. Maybe everyone around was too fucked up to register what was happening; perhaps they thought it would be better if they minded their own business, I don’t know.
The best part, though, was that afterward, a guy with a bag of wooden fucks gave me one. He said I had zero fucks when I punched that guy, so here’s a fuck. That was genuinely the highlight of my weekend, and if anyone knows this zero fucks given guy, send him my appreciation.
Despite this interaction, I had the most incredible time for the remainder of my weekend. For this one jackass, hundreds of people were kind to me in small ways throughout the weekend. Shout out to all my Basshead headbangers and our new friends from New Mexico, Steve-O, and Alexis, who were ready to find Mo for a little ‘chat’ after we told them what happened later that day. Although we didn’t take them up on the offer, that’s the kind of showing up that I appreciate. I can’t wait to see you all underneath the electric sky again next year.
TLDR: I was groped by a stranger, no one batted an eye, then I punched him, and suddenly, I need to chill. Please don’t be a bystander. See something, say something.
2024.05.21 08:55 BubonicSpazzmaster I've lost everyone I know and care about in this city...
I realize this is super tame compared to what a lot of people go through, but it's been a bit of a tough time for me.
So, I (26) moved to a new city for school (paramedic training). I didn't know anyone here, but ended up meeting a dude [#1 (38)] and becoming friends pretty quickly. He actually ended up getting a job at the college I'm going to, so it was easy too meet up for coffee before his work started, since the bus got him there a half hour early, and I had to be there for classes, anyway; sometimes he'd come by my home for dinner on the way to the bus station after work. He took me to play disk golf, we went skating together. It was a good thing, for a while.
I ended up befriending a fellow in my class [#2 (33)], as well. We grabbed coffee a couple times. Went for lunch a couple times; studied together some. I got pig hearts from a butcher for us to cut up and look at, since they're quite similar to human hearts, and having something 3D and tangible can be easier to learn from than the 2D drawings we'd been looking at. He said it was nice to know someone who wasn't afraid to dig into stuff like that. I also coaxed him out on a run, which he seemed super stoked about afterwards, and was really gung-ho about going again the very next day, after class. Annnnd then after class the next day, he didn't meet up with me for our run. I texted him that I was still around on campus, if he still wanted to run. A bit later he texted back that he'd been tied up helping another student practice their skills. When asked if he still wanted to run that day, or postpone, he said he actually didn't want to do it at all, anymore. (What? Running again the next day was HIS idea, and he was super excited about it!)
After that, we didn't connect for a while, and I figured that relationship had run its course... until the next semester he suggested we watch Trainspotting together. So he came over, I made lunch, and we watched the movie. That kicked off a much stronger friendship, and he was over a few times to watch movies and/or eat dinner or whatever, or we'd meet up to study together, etc. We took walks together; sometimes we cooked together. He got along with my housemates really well, and absolutely charmed them. He started going in for hugs from me every time he left. It felt like we were getting really close. We were both busy with school, and I had work, so I was excited to further get to know him once classes ended, before our practicums started, since we would have more free time for a couple weeks.
I threw a party for my classmates & housemates after exams. It ended up being quite small; only a handful of people stayed long. #2 stayed for quite a while and seemed to be enjoying picking out music and socializing, but eventually said he was ready to leave, We hugged goodnight and he left on foot (it's only a 15-minute walk home). I thought he seemed kind of off that night (vaguely sad, maybe), so the next day I asked him over for dinner. I wanted to make sure he was okay, and make sure he'd figured out new housing, as his lease was running out and he was stressed out finding elsewhere to go. He initially said "sure," but then a couple minutes later decided he was "too peopled out" but "another time." I could understand that; I'm quite introverted, too. We text-chatted briefly that night, and then I never heard from him again.
It was okay if he didn't want to be friends; I just wanted to know he was safe. But to go from being super close, cooking together, hugging goodbye, him asking if he could stay here a while since he might not have elsewhere to go, and then just... vanish? I'm so confused. I worried about him, but also wanted to respect whatever decision he was making to cut me out, so ceased trying to get in touch when a couple texts went unanswered. I'm not here to harass people who don't want my company.
A couple weeks later, he resurfaced at the convocation. He didn't participate in the ceremony –– just stood in the audience –– and, as far as I know, he didn't interact with anyone there. Odd, odd, odd! He walked right past me (twice!) while my grandmother was taking a photo, and I thought I would go track him down and say Hi in a minute, but did not manage to do so. I wish I'd told my family to hold on a minute and just gone to talk to him right then, just to see that he was okay and had somewhere to live... maybe try to get an explanation on why we suddenly weren't speaking.
#2 and I were both supposed to have our hospital practicums mid-May, but somehow the practicum coordinator lost mine, and I was only able to get a new spot late-June. 2 of my housemates moved out for the Summer (I'm left with the one that is hardest to get along with, but we are getting closer now), as did the other two classmates I made friends with (#3 and #4, ~22y.o. women who lived pretty much next door); most of my class got practicum placements in different cities, so they dispersed. Dude #1 can't be bothered to catch the bus to work so we can get coffee and chat (he's taken to getting taxis every day, which get him there right as his work starts, and it somehow rubs me the wrong way that he thinks nothing of dropping that much on transportation when the buses here are SO EASY and quick to use from his place to the college). He still asks to meet, sometimes, but doesn't seem to want to put any effort into hanging out, so the rare time we do manage to get together now, it's me putting in the work, working around his whims, making the trip up to his neck of the woods. He's also gotten increasingly odd, and is deep in some conspiracy jazz about the Earth being flat and the like. Dude #2 would be done his practicum and likely out of the city by now. My best friend [#5 (37)], who I've known almost a decade, has been too ill to really chat with me lately –– he's been sick for years; some days are better than others.
So I'm left here, all alone, waiting on a practicum that should have already come and gone, and I just can't stop thinking, wondering what I did wrong that would drive #2 away so quickly and completely. He'd once told me he'd keep in touch, even once we were done at the college. I thought we would remain friends for years. The chemistry just seemed to be so spot-on; I was looking forward to further hanging out and getting to know him once classes ended. I'm frustrated about what's happened to the friendship I had with #1, sad to lose #3 and #4 just as we were starting to become good friends, devastated and scared by the illness that's taking #5, and I'm just not enjoying being alone. I used to like having my space and keeping to myself (aside from #5; I could talk to him forever, but he gets so tired out so quickly these days), but I met some good people here and have been enjoying the social side of life, and it feels awful having that ripped away from me like this.
My family is hours away and I won't be seeing them again anytime soon. I have no-one left in this city. I just feel so bored and lonely and empty and confused. If only I could get some closure on what happened with #2. If only #5 was more okay. If only I had one consistent person that I didn't have to lose. I've joined a martial arts gym to try to keep myself busy, so I have something other than work to do, but it just doesn't fill the hole.
submitted by BubonicSpazzmaster to emotionalsupport [link] [comments]
So, I (26) moved to a new city for school (paramedic training). I didn't know anyone here, but ended up meeting a dude [#1 (38)] and becoming friends pretty quickly. He actually ended up getting a job at the college I'm going to, so it was easy too meet up for coffee before his work started, since the bus got him there a half hour early, and I had to be there for classes, anyway; sometimes he'd come by my home for dinner on the way to the bus station after work. He took me to play disk golf, we went skating together. It was a good thing, for a while.
After that, we didn't connect for a while, and I figured that relationship had run its course... until the next semester he suggested we watch Trainspotting together. So he came over, I made lunch, and we watched the movie. That kicked off a much stronger friendship, and he was over a few times to watch movies and/or eat dinner or whatever, or we'd meet up to study together, etc. We took walks together; sometimes we cooked together. He got along with my housemates really well, and absolutely charmed them. He started going in for hugs from me every time he left. It felt like we were getting really close. We were both busy with school, and I had work, so I was excited to further get to know him once classes ended, before our practicums started, since we would have more free time for a couple weeks.
I threw a party for my classmates & housemates after exams. It ended up being quite small; only a handful of people stayed long. #2 stayed for quite a while and seemed to be enjoying picking out music and socializing, but eventually said he was ready to leave, We hugged goodnight and he left on foot (it's only a 15-minute walk home). I thought he seemed kind of off that night (vaguely sad, maybe), so the next day I asked him over for dinner. I wanted to make sure he was okay, and make sure he'd figured out new housing, as his lease was running out and he was stressed out finding elsewhere to go. He initially said "sure," but then a couple minutes later decided he was "too peopled out" but "another time." I could understand that; I'm quite introverted, too. We text-chatted briefly that night, and then I never heard from him again.
It was okay if he didn't want to be friends; I just wanted to know he was safe. But to go from being super close, cooking together, hugging goodbye, him asking if he could stay here a while since he might not have elsewhere to go, and then just... vanish? I'm so confused. I worried about him, but also wanted to respect whatever decision he was making to cut me out, so ceased trying to get in touch when a couple texts went unanswered. I'm not here to harass people who don't want my company.
A couple weeks later, he resurfaced at the convocation. He didn't participate in the ceremony –– just stood in the audience –– and, as far as I know, he didn't interact with anyone there. Odd, odd, odd! He walked right past me (twice!) while my grandmother was taking a photo, and I thought I would go track him down and say Hi in a minute, but did not manage to do so. I wish I'd told my family to hold on a minute and just gone to talk to him right then, just to see that he was okay and had somewhere to live... maybe try to get an explanation on why we suddenly weren't speaking.
My family is hours away and I won't be seeing them again anytime soon. I have no-one left in this city. I just feel so bored and lonely and empty and confused. If only I could get some closure on what happened with #2. If only #5 was more okay. If only I had one consistent person that I didn't have to lose. I've joined a martial arts gym to try to keep myself busy, so I have something other than work to do, but it just doesn't fill the hole.
2024.05.21 07:59 bbbbbbbbb8 AIO for being upset when rebuffed by my husband?
This might be long, I apologize. I’ll add a TDLR at the end.
Background: I’ve (39F) been with my husband (49m) for nearly 9 years. We’ve been through a lot including several health issues on my part (cancer) and we managed to come out the other side. In February, we had a huge argument (we rarely fight - maybe twice a year max) and he said that he was unhappy in our relationship due to lack of sex and affection from me. So I talked things through with my therapist and worked extremely hard to rectify the situation. Since then, our sex life has improved greatly (usually 4+ times a week) and we are 100x more affectionate with each other. I feel I have put in a lot of work to make things better, but now I’m feeling as if I’m the ONLY one putting in the work.
Here’s what happened. I have anxiety/panic disorder. It’s mostly controlled by meds and therapy and I rarely have panic attacks anymore. For some reason, I was feeling upset and uneasy tonight. I cuddled up next to my husband in bed, hoping he’d hold me which helps with the uneasiness. He draped his arm around my shoulders and immediately started acting like he was falling asleep. I asked him if he could hold me, hug me, and kiss my forehead like he usually does when we go to bed and cuddle. He gets irritated and says he doesn’t want to have sex. I say it’s not about having sex, that I’m having a hard time and I need the affection. He starts to get angry, says he was holding me and what more do I want? So I explain again: he only had his arm draped over me, I needed to be held and snuggled and to feel loved as I was feeling upset. I don’t know WHY I was feeling this way, anxiety/panic isn’t always logical.
He starts to get really irritated and I start crying. Tears are dripping down my face as the anxiety takes hold. He keeps saying, “Oh my God” and “What do you want from me?” I keep trying to explain that I wanted some actual affection from him, that I’m having anxiety and could use some comfort. I told him that I was feeling rejected and unloved because I asked him for affection and all he could say was, “I don’t want to have sex”. That when he told me he needed something in our relationship, I did whatever I could to give it to him and I just needed to be held in this moment. By now I’m sobbing and shaking and he’s mad because I’m crying and keeping him awake. He makes a comment like, “Fine, let’s just stay up all night fighting and I’ll crash the car tomorrow from lack of sleep!” He also makes a comment about how he’s so awful and everything is his fault and he’s a horrible person. He makes a comment about possibly breaking up/separating. At this point, I can barely talk, I’m sobbing and shaking and just a mess. He’s making me feel guilty for asking him for affection. I’m confused because all I want is a hug and for him to tell me everything will be ok and he’s acting so harsh with me. I’m struggling HARD to get the anxiety under control. I beg him to please hold me while I cry and he grudgingly puts his arms around me. As soon as I get my crying under control, he rolls over and goes to sleep.
Now, I’m just laying in bed and feeling bitterly disappointed. I needed him and was in a vulnerable spot and all he did was treat me with disdain and contempt.
Am I overreacting for feeling upset that he made no actual effort to comfort me when I needed it?
TDLR: I was having a panic attack and asked my husband for hold me, cuddle me, and kiss my forehead to make me feel better. He became irritated, angry, and made me feel guilty for asking. Now, I’m just really upset and disappointed in him and his lack of empathy. Am I overreacting?
ETA: Because people don’t seem to realize there is more to it than what I wrote:
1) Husband has his own health issues that I have stood by him for. He refuses to get treatment for them because “money” but then he turns around and drops hundreds of dollars on his hobby. There have been times where he was having his own anxiety and even when I was exhausted due to cancer and chemo, I always held him and provided a safe and loving environment for him to vent his fears and frustration.
2) We cuddle - in the way I requested (both arms around me, forehead kisses, etc) - every night. I don’t think I was wrong in asking for the same thing he’s always done, repeatedly, even when he’s exhausted. What part about me crying is sexy or says that I’d even try having sex? I’m also exhausted as well, due to med changes I made for him, so that my libido wouldn’t suffer.
3) This is not the first time or only time he has rejected me. Believe it or not, but I had the higher libido in the beginning of our relationship. After HIM rejecting ME and my meds, my libido gradually reduced over time which lead to infrequent sex and him being upset about it.
4) Whenever he asks for sex, if I decline, he becomes very mopey and irritable - instead of just cuddling in bed, he refuses to look at me and then turns over and goes to sleep. Then he’ll refuse to talk to me the next day and be extremely cold. If he gropes me (which is what he calls affection) and I don’t respond immediately and in a favorable manner (usually due to being in the middle of something like cooking dinner) he becomes mopey and irritable as well. I’ve learned to just give him what he wants to avoid his behavior.
5) In other ways, our relationship is great. We have similar interests and hobbies, we do most things together. We go to movies, we play games, we generally get a long really well.
6) Though he didn’t leave me through my health issues, he wasn’t very supportive. He did listen to me when I needed to vent my fears and frustrations but he never went to doctor’s appointments, chemo treatments, or anything like that. My best friend would often take me. There were several instances when my bff had to take me to the ER for whatever reason and he never met us there or came to see me or anything. When my bff died a couple years ago, he refused to comfort me because he “didn’t like her” because she’d call him out when he wasn’t nice to me.
7) I usually do self soothe when I have anxiety issues. I read my book and that helps me recenter myself and sift focus away from my anxiety. However, I’ve been feeling extra insecure lately due to comments he’s made about female coworkers- how pretty they are, how fun they are, etc. I told him about this and he essentially brushed it under the rug and told me he’d never cheat. I wasn’t thinking he’d cheat, I was thinking he’d prefer to be with those types of women vs me. I also have an impending surgery and that’s stressful. My 10yo has been having issues in school which is stressful. My grandma recently passed away - and I was her caregiver until the end and watched her die in front of me - and that’s stressful. My husband has been clashing with my 10yo - being overtly rude towards my son, calling him names, telling him he’s stupid, etc and trying to quell this and protect my kid has been stressful. I cannot leave, I have no funds or anywhere to go, which is stressful. And again, I also recently changed my meds to help my libido, which has caused insomnia, which is stressful. All of this lead to my panic attack. Panic attacks aren’t easily controlled, especially large ones, and by the time you realize what’s going on, it’s often too late for meds unless you have injectable medication.
ETA:
8) When I said he cuddles me every night or that he “usually” cuddles me, this is not in response to panic attacks. It’s just what we usually do. In my post, I wrote that my panic attacks are usually well controlled with meds and therapy, I rarely have them anymore. So no, he is not helping me through my panic attacks most of the time except this one night. I usually self soothe on my own, either by reading or taking a xanax. This is the first panic attack I’ve had in over 2 years in which I requested help from him.
TDLR: I was having a panic attack and asked my husband for hold me, cuddle me, and kiss my forehead to make me feel better. He became irritated, angry, and made me feel guilty for asking. Now, I’m just really upset and disappointed in him and his lack of empathy. Am I overreacting?
submitted by bbbbbbbbb8 to AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]
Background: I’ve (39F) been with my husband (49m) for nearly 9 years. We’ve been through a lot including several health issues on my part (cancer) and we managed to come out the other side. In February, we had a huge argument (we rarely fight - maybe twice a year max) and he said that he was unhappy in our relationship due to lack of sex and affection from me. So I talked things through with my therapist and worked extremely hard to rectify the situation. Since then, our sex life has improved greatly (usually 4+ times a week) and we are 100x more affectionate with each other. I feel I have put in a lot of work to make things better, but now I’m feeling as if I’m the ONLY one putting in the work.
Here’s what happened. I have anxiety/panic disorder. It’s mostly controlled by meds and therapy and I rarely have panic attacks anymore. For some reason, I was feeling upset and uneasy tonight. I cuddled up next to my husband in bed, hoping he’d hold me which helps with the uneasiness. He draped his arm around my shoulders and immediately started acting like he was falling asleep. I asked him if he could hold me, hug me, and kiss my forehead like he usually does when we go to bed and cuddle. He gets irritated and says he doesn’t want to have sex. I say it’s not about having sex, that I’m having a hard time and I need the affection. He starts to get angry, says he was holding me and what more do I want? So I explain again: he only had his arm draped over me, I needed to be held and snuggled and to feel loved as I was feeling upset. I don’t know WHY I was feeling this way, anxiety/panic isn’t always logical.
He starts to get really irritated and I start crying. Tears are dripping down my face as the anxiety takes hold. He keeps saying, “Oh my God” and “What do you want from me?” I keep trying to explain that I wanted some actual affection from him, that I’m having anxiety and could use some comfort. I told him that I was feeling rejected and unloved because I asked him for affection and all he could say was, “I don’t want to have sex”. That when he told me he needed something in our relationship, I did whatever I could to give it to him and I just needed to be held in this moment. By now I’m sobbing and shaking and he’s mad because I’m crying and keeping him awake. He makes a comment like, “Fine, let’s just stay up all night fighting and I’ll crash the car tomorrow from lack of sleep!” He also makes a comment about how he’s so awful and everything is his fault and he’s a horrible person. He makes a comment about possibly breaking up/separating. At this point, I can barely talk, I’m sobbing and shaking and just a mess. He’s making me feel guilty for asking him for affection. I’m confused because all I want is a hug and for him to tell me everything will be ok and he’s acting so harsh with me. I’m struggling HARD to get the anxiety under control. I beg him to please hold me while I cry and he grudgingly puts his arms around me. As soon as I get my crying under control, he rolls over and goes to sleep.
Now, I’m just laying in bed and feeling bitterly disappointed. I needed him and was in a vulnerable spot and all he did was treat me with disdain and contempt.
Am I overreacting for feeling upset that he made no actual effort to comfort me when I needed it?
TDLR: I was having a panic attack and asked my husband for hold me, cuddle me, and kiss my forehead to make me feel better. He became irritated, angry, and made me feel guilty for asking. Now, I’m just really upset and disappointed in him and his lack of empathy. Am I overreacting?
ETA: Because people don’t seem to realize there is more to it than what I wrote:
1) Husband has his own health issues that I have stood by him for. He refuses to get treatment for them because “money” but then he turns around and drops hundreds of dollars on his hobby. There have been times where he was having his own anxiety and even when I was exhausted due to cancer and chemo, I always held him and provided a safe and loving environment for him to vent his fears and frustration.
2) We cuddle - in the way I requested (both arms around me, forehead kisses, etc) - every night. I don’t think I was wrong in asking for the same thing he’s always done, repeatedly, even when he’s exhausted. What part about me crying is sexy or says that I’d even try having sex? I’m also exhausted as well, due to med changes I made for him, so that my libido wouldn’t suffer.
3) This is not the first time or only time he has rejected me. Believe it or not, but I had the higher libido in the beginning of our relationship. After HIM rejecting ME and my meds, my libido gradually reduced over time which lead to infrequent sex and him being upset about it.
4) Whenever he asks for sex, if I decline, he becomes very mopey and irritable - instead of just cuddling in bed, he refuses to look at me and then turns over and goes to sleep. Then he’ll refuse to talk to me the next day and be extremely cold. If he gropes me (which is what he calls affection) and I don’t respond immediately and in a favorable manner (usually due to being in the middle of something like cooking dinner) he becomes mopey and irritable as well. I’ve learned to just give him what he wants to avoid his behavior.
5) In other ways, our relationship is great. We have similar interests and hobbies, we do most things together. We go to movies, we play games, we generally get a long really well.
6) Though he didn’t leave me through my health issues, he wasn’t very supportive. He did listen to me when I needed to vent my fears and frustrations but he never went to doctor’s appointments, chemo treatments, or anything like that. My best friend would often take me. There were several instances when my bff had to take me to the ER for whatever reason and he never met us there or came to see me or anything. When my bff died a couple years ago, he refused to comfort me because he “didn’t like her” because she’d call him out when he wasn’t nice to me.
7) I usually do self soothe when I have anxiety issues. I read my book and that helps me recenter myself and sift focus away from my anxiety. However, I’ve been feeling extra insecure lately due to comments he’s made about female coworkers- how pretty they are, how fun they are, etc. I told him about this and he essentially brushed it under the rug and told me he’d never cheat. I wasn’t thinking he’d cheat, I was thinking he’d prefer to be with those types of women vs me. I also have an impending surgery and that’s stressful. My 10yo has been having issues in school which is stressful. My grandma recently passed away - and I was her caregiver until the end and watched her die in front of me - and that’s stressful. My husband has been clashing with my 10yo - being overtly rude towards my son, calling him names, telling him he’s stupid, etc and trying to quell this and protect my kid has been stressful. I cannot leave, I have no funds or anywhere to go, which is stressful. And again, I also recently changed my meds to help my libido, which has caused insomnia, which is stressful. All of this lead to my panic attack. Panic attacks aren’t easily controlled, especially large ones, and by the time you realize what’s going on, it’s often too late for meds unless you have injectable medication.
ETA:
8) When I said he cuddles me every night or that he “usually” cuddles me, this is not in response to panic attacks. It’s just what we usually do. In my post, I wrote that my panic attacks are usually well controlled with meds and therapy, I rarely have them anymore. So no, he is not helping me through my panic attacks most of the time except this one night. I usually self soothe on my own, either by reading or taking a xanax. This is the first panic attack I’ve had in over 2 years in which I requested help from him.
TDLR: I was having a panic attack and asked my husband for hold me, cuddle me, and kiss my forehead to make me feel better. He became irritated, angry, and made me feel guilty for asking. Now, I’m just really upset and disappointed in him and his lack of empathy. Am I overreacting?
2024.05.21 04:57 sayzitlikeitis Indian public's Bourgeois Blind Spot as exposed by a Porsche Taycan and a Vada Pav stall
Road accidents are super common in India, claiming about half a million lives in India every year. About ~15% of them are hit and run cases. Most perpetrators who are (big or small) car owners get away with the crime by installing a driver at the scene like Salman Khan did. The going rate for such a driver is about Rs. 1 lakh in tier-2 cities.
This makes one wonder why, suddenly, this 17 year old rich kid's case has got the nation furious and angry at irresponsible drivers. Granted, expensive car hit and run cases do become instant news, but there's been lots of BMW and Audi accidents in the last 4-5 years that haven't received this type of coverage.
The only difference I could notice between this case and countless others is that the victims this time were bourgeois. They weren't just some random villagers or city slum dwellers whose lives don't matter to the bourgeois public. They were up and coming IT workers. The media-addicted middle class public sees themselves in the two victims and hence these thoughts and prayers and thirst for justice. Buses full of poor children have taken many lives in the past with not even 1% the attention this case has garnered.
It is the same reason why a light skinned educated and rich looking girl selling Vada Pav is considered "hard working", and how a little pudgy punjabi boy from Delhi wearing branded clothes selling tikki-chhole starts serious discussion about child labor. There are 1000s of times as many young men, women and children of the proletariat living much harder lives.
Due to the stratification and calcification of India into various poor classes, various middle classes, and various rich classes, many of us have become completely blind to the plight of the poorer classes. We don't even see them as Indians. If we see them hurt, we first think about the potential scam and police bribery situation instead of thinking about the human in front of us. Whereas, if we see a light skinned girl or boy in jeans get so much as even a scratch at the mall, we're happy to provide any help we can.
I see no practical solution to this. I'm just observing what I see.
I think this is part of the reason why CPI(M)'s actual work on the ground goes unnoticed. Because they stand with the poor classes and workers, and that hardly creates a story as exciting as naughty jokes on the Kapil Sharma show or the various methods by which people like to enjoy mangoes.
submitted by sayzitlikeitis to librandu [link] [comments]
This makes one wonder why, suddenly, this 17 year old rich kid's case has got the nation furious and angry at irresponsible drivers. Granted, expensive car hit and run cases do become instant news, but there's been lots of BMW and Audi accidents in the last 4-5 years that haven't received this type of coverage.
The only difference I could notice between this case and countless others is that the victims this time were bourgeois. They weren't just some random villagers or city slum dwellers whose lives don't matter to the bourgeois public. They were up and coming IT workers. The media-addicted middle class public sees themselves in the two victims and hence these thoughts and prayers and thirst for justice. Buses full of poor children have taken many lives in the past with not even 1% the attention this case has garnered.
It is the same reason why a light skinned educated and rich looking girl selling Vada Pav is considered "hard working", and how a little pudgy punjabi boy from Delhi wearing branded clothes selling tikki-chhole starts serious discussion about child labor. There are 1000s of times as many young men, women and children of the proletariat living much harder lives.
Due to the stratification and calcification of India into various poor classes, various middle classes, and various rich classes, many of us have become completely blind to the plight of the poorer classes. We don't even see them as Indians. If we see them hurt, we first think about the potential scam and police bribery situation instead of thinking about the human in front of us. Whereas, if we see a light skinned girl or boy in jeans get so much as even a scratch at the mall, we're happy to provide any help we can.
I see no practical solution to this. I'm just observing what I see.
I think this is part of the reason why CPI(M)'s actual work on the ground goes unnoticed. Because they stand with the poor classes and workers, and that hardly creates a story as exciting as naughty jokes on the Kapil Sharma show or the various methods by which people like to enjoy mangoes.
2024.05.20 23:29 123eden123 Written after an hour on social media
Of all the opinions
And all the positions
Please tell me which one I should choose
Of every small point
In all big debates
Which ones do I accept or refuse?
They call me a killer
Immoral, a sinner
So I look at the other side
Where I am called dumb
A brainwashed piece of scum
Useless girl with no sense of pride
I can be disciplined
I can be respectful
For all people deserve respect
But “well behaved women
Seldom make history”
So I accept I will have no affect
When I was a child
All rules were compiled
In a poster on the classroom wall
To share all my toys
With the girls and the boys
To smile and be kind to all
Somehow as I grew older
The lines became blurred
Of the good and the bad or the grey
Now there are no lines
Just groupthink and lies
And people who can’t find their way
Being good is something I strive for
But I find myself grasping at straws
Groping around in the darkness
Please world, just give me some laws
submitted by 123eden123 to poetry_critics [link] [comments]
And all the positions
Please tell me which one I should choose
Of every small point
In all big debates
Which ones do I accept or refuse?
They call me a killer
Immoral, a sinner
So I look at the other side
Where I am called dumb
A brainwashed piece of scum
Useless girl with no sense of pride
I can be disciplined
I can be respectful
For all people deserve respect
But “well behaved women
Seldom make history”
So I accept I will have no affect
When I was a child
All rules were compiled
In a poster on the classroom wall
To share all my toys
With the girls and the boys
To smile and be kind to all
Somehow as I grew older
The lines became blurred
Of the good and the bad or the grey
Now there are no lines
Just groupthink and lies
And people who can’t find their way
Being good is something I strive for
But I find myself grasping at straws
Groping around in the darkness
Please world, just give me some laws
2024.05.20 22:13 Depraved_Libs Patriarchy Paradise
BACKGROUND INFORMATIONThe Patriarchy Paradise is a series of short smut stories that focus on concepts & kinks like Free Use & The Patriarchy. I was inspired to create this series thanks to the Tales from the Oedipal Zone series, which was created by Squelchapron in his "freeusecaptions" Tumblr. That later got expanded on by crazydorian, my other inspiration came from the reddit user u/IntendantTradwife who created subreddits such as the now banned FuckingEvil & FuckingFascists. As well as other similar subreddit like Churchofmen, MisognynistLife, 1950sHouseholdWives, PoliticsPlay among many others similar subreddit. Thanks to the nature of some of my inspiration, I feel like I should probably take this time to confirm that there is a limit to my depravity. Some of my inspirations like FuckingEvil are infamous for having content that some might consider to be extreme, distasteful if not straight up illegal.
Admittedly while my content may be more on the extreme side, there are certain sexual acts & content that make me uncomfortable if not just repulse me. While my goal is to be as depraved as I can be, I still have my limits. So if you were under the impression that you would stumble across any illegal content on my page, then you can breathe a sigh of relief. If you're disappointed by that, then respectfully leave my page & seek therapy, I have been on reddit long enough to know a lot of us need it. Since my content will be more on the extreme side, I will post a list of all the kinks that you can expect to see when reading my content. If any of the kinks I list below upset or trigger you then it’s probably in your best interest to avoid my page. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
⚠️KINKS & TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
- Breeding
- Free Use
- Misogyny
- Political Play
- Rape
- Revenge
Patriarchy Paradise is a spin off to my BNWO Revolutionary stories. Set in the year 2025, in the state of Texas. The events of the stories you are about to read follow the adventures of Cain. A year after moving to Texas from his hometown in Virginia. Cain would start a political party that focused on practicing patriarchy with a modern liberal twist. After winning his election by a landslide, Cain would go on to implement several new changes in the state of Texas.
The first of which was making both Gender-Affirming & Plastic Surgery easier to access & afford. The negative stigma around transgender & plastic surgery is dying, now it’s becoming common for people to have the body they always wanted. Another change was the reformation of capital punishment which would end up causing a butterfly effect that ended up changing the whole prison system. Now In the state of Texas when an individual is caught breaking the law & is given a sentence, instead of going to jail or prison they will be given the option of community service as an alternative punishment. Where they will have to spend hours using their body to milk any cock that appears to them.
Of course prison has also had some changes as well, for a start it is now completely legal for the guards to fuck any prisoner they fancy. Women that chose prison can expect to spend most of their day being use as fuck dolls & cum dumpster, getting their holes stuffed & blasted with the Guards cums. As for the men, for the most part prison stayed the same for them, some of the weaker feminine males tend to end up as the prison cum rag. Spending most of their time in prison being used to drain both the guards & fellow prisoner balls dry, jerking off their cocks until they are covered in the semen of their more dominant peers. Male prisoner might be given the chance to fuck a pre chosen female prisoner as a reward for good behavior, however for the most part, those instances are a case by case bases.
Now some of the biggest reforms to the legal system have been the changing of capital punishment & the introduction of the repentment camps. Previously any individual that was given capital punishment, otherwise known as the death penalty would have been put to death. Now anyone who is given capital punishment will be stripped of all their human rights, becoming property of the government & sent to a repentance camp to repent for their crimes. Where the individual will reside until they are brought by another, the same punishment would also apply to any individual who is convicted of a crime & is given a life sentence. As well for any individual who is convicted of being an illegal alien, however, since the latter two crimes are deemed as severe enough to be sentenced with capital punishment. Repentance camp will be presented to the individual as an alternative punishment to life in prison or deportation.
For the most part life in the camp isn’t much different than life outside, despite the fact that they are called camps. In reality the state of texas have been using old abandoned towns to house these individuals, which for the most part the residents have free rein. They are forbidden from leaving the camps of course, unless the individual in question is either brought or their paperwork is finalized & they become a legal citizen in the case of the illegal aliens. For the most part when the adult's residents are not partaking in their required special education, or in the camp hospital getting surgery done on them. They just spend their days restoring the old buildings so the camp is more of a suitable place for them to live. It is illegal for residents to have sex among each other & the male residents are locked in chastity cages to prevent such acts from occurring. Even though the males have their cock locked up, cocks are still getting drained. It just so happened to be the cocks of the guards & average civilians, since it’s perfectly legal for an outsider to come into the camp & use any of the adult residents to drain their balls.
All these changes that I have listed so far are just small minor changes, that are the end result of the biggest & most important change that was implemented. The Introduction to the Free Use System along with the several new laws & regulations that came with it. Under this Free Use system, sexual acts that was highly frown upon like cat calling, Groping, public sex, etc etc. Are now not only socially acceptable but is basically becoming normalized, it is becoming quite common to see a men go up to a woman that he like, bend her over & fuck her, until his balls are empty & her pussy is dripping with his seeds. Thanks to the Free Use System it is completely legal for a man that has been deemed to be worthy to take ownership of any women that he wants. Of course, everything I mentioned previously is under the assumption that the women in question are both unowned & have been registered in the system.
Any men that are deemed inferior also called beta & women that are registered in this new system have their own version of Enlisting, Jury Duty & Adoption. Instead of joining the military or going to court like their male counterparts, they might be assigned to work as a public cum dumpster in some glory hole for a week. That is assuming they are not assigned as some random lucky dude or soldier boy's personal Cock sleeve, or shaking their ass in a strip club. Thanks to the Free Use system, adoption has changed dramatically. Any Beta & Women that are registered in the system but are unowned will become property of the government, much like the residents in the Repentance camp. However, they won’t be forced to live in the camps, instead they will be sent to live in a group home where they can live among each other until they are adopted.
While there is more to this Patriarchy Paradise that has yet to be discussed, if you are truly interested in all the new changes that have occurred thanks to this Free Use System. Then you should check out the new Free Use Laws that have been implemented.
FREE USE LAW
- In order for any of the following laws to apply to any individual, the person in question needs to be considered a legal adult, which they will need to meet the requirement of being at least 18 years of age.
- Any Males who register to be a part of the Free Use System will be categorized, considered & may be refer to as either Alpha or Betas depending on a variety of factors including but not limited to
- Dick Size
- Demeanor
- Choice
- Crime
- Any Female who is not registered in the Free Use System & is considered a legal adult. Will be allowed to register in the Free Use System to become Free Use, if she so desires.
- These are the special laws that only apply to a Beta or Female once they have been registered & is legally considered Free Use.
- The individual in question will be marked with the Free Use Symbol to indicate that any Alpha can fuck them. They are required to have their marking exposed unless the person in question was authorized to cover up their marking. The unauthorized covering of said marking is considered a misterminder & will result in a week of community service.
- Once the individual has been registered in the Free Use System, they will automatically be registered in the Free Use Selective Service.
- The Individual in question will be considered the legal property of either their Husband, Owner or closet Alpha Male Family MembeGardien. If such a person does not exist, or is unable/unwilling to take ownership. Then the individual in question becomes property of the state & will be sent to live in a group home until an alpha takes ownership of the individual.
- These are all the rights that a Beta or Females can expect to have stripped away from them once they are registered in the Free Use System. However, any Beta or Free Use Female can have any of these rights restored with the permission from their respective owner, or under the certain conditions.
- Bodily autonomy
- The ability to find employment
- The ability to possess a bank account or money
- The individual loses the right to vote
- These are all the acts that an alpha is permitted to do toward any unowned Beta or Free Use Female. If an Alpha wants to do any of the following acts to an owned Beta or Free Use Female, they will need to gain the permission of the individual owner first.
- Ejaculate
- Breeding
- Groping
- Rape
- Selling & Buying
- Any Alpha that impregnated any unowned Free Use Female, will be given the option to take ownership of said individual.
- Free Use Female that desires to terminate a pregnancy must get permission from the biological father to terminate the pregnancy. If the biological father is unable to grant permission to terminate the pregnancy, then the pregnancy must continue until such a time occurs. The only time where a Free Use Female is allowed to terminate her pregnancy without the biological father's permission. Is when the pregnancy falls under the following Special circumstances
- The woman's health or life is at serious risk & she faces serious injuries or death as a result.
- The current pregnancy will prevent her procreating in the future.
- The women became pregnant as a result of assault while already being owned by another male, in which case the owner of the pregnant person has the final word on whether or not the pregnancy is terminated.
- The woman had her bodily autonomy right restored to her; in which case she has final say.
- Sexual Act that is done to an owned Beta or Free Use Female without the consent of the owner, which includes but is not limited to rape & impregnated. Is consider a crime, the severity of which will be determined by a multitude of factors. In which the offended party could be changed with a simple misdemeanor to a felony.
- Beta or Free Use Females are prohibited from finding employment, unless given permission by their respective owner. In which case any profit they make will automatically be transferred into the bank account of their respective owner! In the case in which a Beta or Free Use Female is unowned & thus unable to be given permission to work. They will be allowed to find employment in any sex work.
2024.05.20 18:56 miss_idgaf_404 Groped on public transport
TW: SA, groping
I am a frequent lurker on this sub and posted once for advice. All my fellow sisters poured in support and advice. This is my favorite sub on the reddit and never in my life I thought I would need to vent about something like this down below on here.
One of my favorite times of the day is the 45 mins commute back from office. Generally, buses are semi crowded during that time. I plug in my earphones and listen to music -my way of cooling down. I consider myself lucky if I get a window seat. It's like a mini retreat away from the reality. I find solace in music.
Today was one such day. I managed to get a window seat. As usual, I started my post-work routine. I was minding my own business when I realized a perv had put his hands through the gap in between seats and was pressing my boob. I was startled and looked back. He pulled away and got down from the bus. I froze and couldn't utter a single word.
I wanted to scream. I should have created a ruckus. I froze. He will do this again to someone else. I fear he has taken away the joy of a window seat and earphones plugged in experience. I know I will not be able to relax during my commute anymore. I barely saw his face, just a glimpse as he was running away.
submitted by miss_idgaf_404 to TwoXIndia [link] [comments]
I am a frequent lurker on this sub and posted once for advice. All my fellow sisters poured in support and advice. This is my favorite sub on the reddit and never in my life I thought I would need to vent about something like this down below on here.
One of my favorite times of the day is the 45 mins commute back from office. Generally, buses are semi crowded during that time. I plug in my earphones and listen to music -my way of cooling down. I consider myself lucky if I get a window seat. It's like a mini retreat away from the reality. I find solace in music.
Today was one such day. I managed to get a window seat. As usual, I started my post-work routine. I was minding my own business when I realized a perv had put his hands through the gap in between seats and was pressing my boob. I was startled and looked back. He pulled away and got down from the bus. I froze and couldn't utter a single word.
I wanted to scream. I should have created a ruckus. I froze. He will do this again to someone else. I fear he has taken away the joy of a window seat and earphones plugged in experience. I know I will not be able to relax during my commute anymore. I barely saw his face, just a glimpse as he was running away.
2024.05.20 04:29 Ok_Equivalent8513 I am begging for support.
 | I (F,24) am being abused by my (M,24) narcissistic situationship. We started hooking up last October. I have had a pattern of emotionally abusive partners and I come from an abusive father as well. Now, I had a very distant boyfriend of three months while talking to the Narc. I fell ill and was bed ridden. My long distance boyfriend didn’t visit me or call so by default the Narc was there telling me what he should be doing for me over the phone and telling me to come over. I was incredibly lonely and my family was not supportive. It was isolating. I allowed myself to flirt with the Narc over the phone. My long distance boyfriend went days without calling me or updating me on anything. We really weren’t in a relationship. Eventually, after breaking up with my prior boyfriend I hooked up with the Narc. I took two buses and a trolly. On the way down I called him to remind him to buy a condom. He got angry and told me not to come. I was already far from home and the buses stop running for a certain time. That was the first red flag. Fast foreword overtime? He has pressured/begged me into cuckholding. Telling me he’d make me his. Begging me to allow him to have sex with me on camera. I would tell him NO over and over but eventually did it. I never enjoyed performing for these people. He’d ask me to talk about other people having sex with me. When I would tell him I didn’t like this and was tired of him bringing it up he’d say: “I haven’t brought the kink up in months. I don’t like it anymore.” submitted by Ok_Equivalent8513 to abusiverelationships [link] [comments] He has also sent me videos of him having sex with other women to hurt me. He has said my mother looks better than me and has made sexual comments about my sister. Calling me jealous when upset and passing all this as a joke. Through out this I have begged for a relationship. I have given him money for lunch. Despite my health issues, He makes me come see him. He never travels to me. He used to pay for my Uber h home and then stopped. He told me, “I’m not paying for pussy.” After we had sex he would send me home in the Uber claiming he needed sleep. All this is a plethora of information problems over the span of months. The narc comments of pictures of me on my Snapchat calling me a slut as well. On Valentine’s Day I begged him to come over and saying let’s exchanged gifts. It was last minute I admit and we both do not have cars. I decided to buy him a shrimp ball on the way over and I got a text, “ want to have a threesome.” My heart sank. I told him no. When I arrived he was angry I arrived to early and made me wait in freezing cold weather on his porch until he finished his shower, telling me: “you should have waited. You don’t listen.” ( crying as I write this.) He has told me if I dress / do certain things maybe he’d make me mine. We make passionate love. I never feel like this during sex but I hate how he treats me. Granted, I call him too much. I am clingy, sure. One night after sex a woman was blowing him up and he got mad I asked about it so I slept next to him swallowing my feelings. Another time he started getting angry at me that an uber wasn’t accepting my ride quick enough in snowy weather and accused me of canceling it or lying about ordering it so that I could stay. Not true but he wanted me gone so he could sleep. He apologized. Months in after begging him for a relationship and being denied I went on an app for a hookup. This guy paid for EVERYTHING. I told the Narc I am going out despite not needing too as we are t committed and he tells me nothing of what he does. I told because me and narc have unprotected sex. I posted my outfit and date on snap. He commented if I dressed like that to come see him he’d take me serious and implied I look bummy when I see him. While, I was with my hookup I missed Narc. I was texting him while I was with my hookup. I wanted to impress him so I sent him short audio messages of us moaning. I wanted to tease his cuckholding kink. Narc was/still is upset at this and accuses me of doing this out of spite. I regret this. Fast foreword to now? He is still abusive and offers me nothing. I saw him recently and he was actually vulnerable with me. Telling me he is not ready and he genuinely does like me. However, he made me take a dangerous subway line at night to see him and I had 2 men staring at me and walking back and forth around my area. Another got agressive with me. I kept calling him saying I was scared and he wasn’t where he was supposed to be and blamed his tardiness on the fact I kept calling him. We went back to his place and messed around in which during he told me He would kill me if I gave this pussy to anyone else. This was new. Oddly, I feel very safe around him. The next morning a woman called him at 9:48 AM. I accused him of lying about loving me and he calls me crazy. He went out recently and told me not to call him. We have been fighting about this and he told me: (*refer to screenshots in no specific order ) |
2024.05.19 23:32 Beneficial-Office254 Libido decreased after he cheated, found out I was pregnant and he thinks I’m sorry makes up for it up
He basically cheated on me in February through March and we ended up finding out I was pregnant. My libido for him decreased because he cheated and he thinks apologizing for his actions and promising to change after I had to scream and beg him to stop for not only me but his child and he could barely even do that.
Yeah he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing now, like helping me when I’m throwing up and starting some laundry and folding it which is the bare things he should’ve been doing either way since we live together. I’m just tired of him asking for sex all the time and not getting it through his head his cheating had consequences, I still love him want to work on our sex life together but it’s like he can’t put two and two together and understand that the women I saw in his phone I will never look like them.
The women he called while at home, I don’t look like them he downloaded every dating app out there and I’m supposed to just drop my panties because he said sorry. He can’t understand or even try to go slow with foreplay because I just imagine the women he’s talked to and I’ve told him this. I’ve told him I feel uncomfortable being pregnant and my with my growing body and he just tries to call me beautiful and grope me when those are the same compliments he gave me when he was cheating and it makes me angry because I know he just wants to get off but not put in any work.
submitted by Beneficial-Office254 to offmychest [link] [comments]
Yeah he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing now, like helping me when I’m throwing up and starting some laundry and folding it which is the bare things he should’ve been doing either way since we live together. I’m just tired of him asking for sex all the time and not getting it through his head his cheating had consequences, I still love him want to work on our sex life together but it’s like he can’t put two and two together and understand that the women I saw in his phone I will never look like them.
The women he called while at home, I don’t look like them he downloaded every dating app out there and I’m supposed to just drop my panties because he said sorry. He can’t understand or even try to go slow with foreplay because I just imagine the women he’s talked to and I’ve told him this. I’ve told him I feel uncomfortable being pregnant and my with my growing body and he just tries to call me beautiful and grope me when those are the same compliments he gave me when he was cheating and it makes me angry because I know he just wants to get off but not put in any work.
2024.05.19 13:20 EconomyBright The videos "Chivalry is dead": Your opinion
I keep seeing here and there the videos where women seem to be standing in some kind of public transport while men are sitting, with caption "Chivalry is dead" or some videos where some guy seems to be helping out a woman with the caption "Chivalry is not dead". And I just feel weird about these videos.
So what is Chivalry? A Google search gives me the meaning as "polite and kind behaviour by men which shows respect towards women".
And if I refer some dictionaries - it says they are the qualities of the ideal knight or a gentleman and one among them is to show courtesy and consideration especially to women.
Courtesy and consideration - I feel are good qualities to have no matter who and no matter which gender. And I believe it should be displayed irrespective of age or gender.
Now coming to the videos I am seeing, where the women have to stand in a public transport like metros or buses where as men are sitting, does it really need to be taken as marker for Chivalry? I mean, unless they are making a pregnant woman stand or maybe an old person stand or maybe an injured person not having a seat, I don't understand why any other man should give up their seat in a setting where you sit based on "sit wherever it's free", unless ofcourse they are sitting in a reserved seat.
If you are sick but do not look sick, I feel it's ok to ask for a seat or some space. I feel, even men would be tired after a long day. Even some of them also might be having a bad day or sick day or some pain as well, so in my opinion, in today's world it's not really fair to expect a man would get out of their seat and offer it to you.
Honestly, sometimes, I even feel offended if someone tries to "help" me for something I'm perfectly capable of doing as well. Maybe it's just me. I'm okay with sincere efforts but being seen as a weak gender who needs to be taken care of and protected always is not something I think we should propagate.
Rather, the idea of chivalry itself is good. Having honour and integrity, being courteous, being considerate, sticking to your words or promises. These are things everyone should practice.
What are your opinions?
submitted by EconomyBright to TwoXIndia [link] [comments]
So what is Chivalry? A Google search gives me the meaning as "polite and kind behaviour by men which shows respect towards women".
And if I refer some dictionaries - it says they are the qualities of the ideal knight or a gentleman and one among them is to show courtesy and consideration especially to women.
Courtesy and consideration - I feel are good qualities to have no matter who and no matter which gender. And I believe it should be displayed irrespective of age or gender.
Now coming to the videos I am seeing, where the women have to stand in a public transport like metros or buses where as men are sitting, does it really need to be taken as marker for Chivalry? I mean, unless they are making a pregnant woman stand or maybe an old person stand or maybe an injured person not having a seat, I don't understand why any other man should give up their seat in a setting where you sit based on "sit wherever it's free", unless ofcourse they are sitting in a reserved seat.
If you are sick but do not look sick, I feel it's ok to ask for a seat or some space. I feel, even men would be tired after a long day. Even some of them also might be having a bad day or sick day or some pain as well, so in my opinion, in today's world it's not really fair to expect a man would get out of their seat and offer it to you.
Honestly, sometimes, I even feel offended if someone tries to "help" me for something I'm perfectly capable of doing as well. Maybe it's just me. I'm okay with sincere efforts but being seen as a weak gender who needs to be taken care of and protected always is not something I think we should propagate.
Rather, the idea of chivalry itself is good. Having honour and integrity, being courteous, being considerate, sticking to your words or promises. These are things everyone should practice.
What are your opinions?
2024.05.19 04:32 LobsterFarts Thoughts on 10 days in Italy
I visited this beautiful country between May 1 - 11, but was not prepared for the amount of tourism, which I must say ultimately left me a little sour about the experience. We stuck with all the major attractions and sights so I know we shouldn’t be surprised by the crowds, but I’ve still never seen tourism at this level. That said, I may have had a better time if I didn't try to pack everything in as much as I did.
Our itinerary was:
Day 1: Land in Milan
Day 2: Train from Milan to Lake Como
Day 3: Train from Lake Como to Cinque Terre (my favorite part of the trip)
Day 5: Train from Cinque Terre to Florence
Day 8: Train from Florence to Rome
Day 10: Train from Rome back to Milan for our departing flight the next day
Lake Como and Cinque Terre (CT) were my favorite parts that I wish I allotted more time for.
While Lake Como is beautiful and I wish we had more time to explore some spots I had saved, it did feel a little soulless. We stayed in Varenna and took the ferry to Bellagio. Both areas feel like resort towns that exist solely for tourism. Other areas might have a less catering vibe. Also, the number of young women taking shots for the 'gram and giving you dirty looks because you ruined their 20-minute photoshoot is nauseating.
The train that runs between the 5 towns in CT gets packed to the brim with people during peak hours (~10 a.m. - 5 p.m.). On our arrival day I tried to get off the train for our final stop and I literally got stuck between people; I was able to lift my feet off the ground for a few seconds and not get anywhere like a cartoon character.
We visited CT to hike the Blue Path and no regrets there. Absolutely stunning and the only time we didn't feel overwhelmed with people (started hiking around 8 a.m. in Monterosso). But if you're just taking the train between towns you'll do almost as much hiking from the train stations to the main parts of all 5 towns. The only one we didn’t properly visit was Manarola so maybe that town has a short walk from the train station? I think there are vans/buses that take people from some of the train stations into town, but you'll be waiting amongst crowds and nothing is clearly noted.
Florence: we stayed right near the Ponte Vecchio and I do not recommend. Again, the number of people and crowds ruin it. I thought it would be nice/convenient staying near the Uffizi and the bridge, but it wasn't worth it. Unless you’re shopping for jewelry, the bridge can be much more appreciated from a distance. The location also isn't ideal because no matter what I tried we couldn't get a taxi; I downloaded apps, called taxi hubs, tried Uber, but no one would come to our location or offer alternative pick up spots. The city is very walkable, but we came down with food poisoning so by the end I was hoping to grab a taxi to the train station to alleviate some of the dejectedness I was feeling. We visited the Uffizi, Accademia, and the Piazzale Michelangelo, but I was happy to leave Florence. I felt like I couldn't escape the smell of cigarettes the entire time.
Rome: I think by this point were a bit weary from the food poisoning, crowds, and the amount of walking we did with our backpacks. Thankfully though no issues getting taxis/Ubers around Rome. Despite what people say about Trastevere being "overrated" now, stay there. It's easily the nicest part of Rome. My second recommendation would be Prati. We had tickets to visit the Vatican Museum and I wish we made the effort but this was the last leg of the trip and we were just over it so we spent our full day in Rome walking to all the sights: Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, Pantheon, Roman Forum, and Janiculum Hill.
Rome was nice and I enjoyed it more than Florence, but it also felt run down. We had a running joke that ambulances were following us because we could not escape the sirens. I know, it’s all part of history and maybe I’m just not sophisticated enough to appreciate its historical magnitude, but honestly, pass.
Public transit: Getting on ferries and trains felt like a fight each time which added some physical and mental fatigue. I highly recommend sticking to high-speed trains if possible because you can reserve your seat; it doesn’t matter if you book first class or standard, they’re basically the same. Trains where you don’t reserve your seat, good luck. We stood for 1.5hrs from CT to Florence CRAMMED in. Each time the train stopped more people would squeeze in but eventually we had to stop people from boarding.
The trains were occasionally running a couple minutes late and there was a 24hr strike during our stay but nothing that impacted our trip. Don’t feel like you must show up for your train more than ~10 minutes in advance, your train’s platform number likely won’t be displayed until about 5 – 10 minutes out. You’ll just stand around unnecessarily stressing yourself out otherwise.
Was this a magical trip? No, not really. Would I visit Italy again? Possibly with some time and with plans to stick to the more natural scenery. I did want to visit the Italian Dolomites but they were still snow covered during our visit.
I think another factor that contributed to it not being the “magical” experience you hope for is we had to stick to schedules the entire time and that’s not a typical fun vacation for me; whether it was the trains, museum/attraction entrance times, or dinner reservations, we frequently had somewhere we had to be. This type of trip didn’t allow for spontaneity. E.g. when we visited Scotland we rented a car and were able to visit random castles and museums without prep work or fighting crowds. Perhaps I could’ve had more fun or spontaneity by seeing less (I definitely wouldn’t want a car within Florence or Rome proper but I think the countryside/smaller towns would be okay), but when you only get so much time off for work, you try to squeeze it all in.
Food: Everyone comes for the main attraction which of course is the various pastas, but Italy does so much better than pasta. Yeah, I said it. The chicken I had there on two separate occasions from two different restaurants? Immaculate. I’ll never have more perfectly cooked chicken again. The deli meats? So flavorful. I ordered a yogurt with lemon and honey in CT (where they grow a lot of lemons) and I’ll think of that fondly for years to come. I also had a fantastic affogato in Florence.
As I mentioned, we did get food poisoning which can happen while traveling, but I did notice unless you’re going to a proper sit down restaurant, you might see people handling your food in ways that are unappetizing. In cafes and sandwich shops and quick bite places like that you won’t see food handlers using gloves and you’ll likely have dirty cups/plates/utensils. Not a big deal for some, not for me though.
We avoided the super touristy areas for our real dinners, but while the pasta was done well, the red sauce just wasn’t hitting for either of us.
I apologize if this comes off as a less than idyllic portrayal of Italy. It’s a beautiful country that is worth a visit, but I wanted to share my experience and maybe highlight it’s not for everyone and that’s okay.
Edit: formatting
submitted by LobsterFarts to ItalyTravel [link] [comments]
Our itinerary was:
Day 1: Land in Milan
Day 2: Train from Milan to Lake Como
Day 3: Train from Lake Como to Cinque Terre (my favorite part of the trip)
Day 5: Train from Cinque Terre to Florence
Day 8: Train from Florence to Rome
Day 10: Train from Rome back to Milan for our departing flight the next day
Lake Como and Cinque Terre (CT) were my favorite parts that I wish I allotted more time for.
While Lake Como is beautiful and I wish we had more time to explore some spots I had saved, it did feel a little soulless. We stayed in Varenna and took the ferry to Bellagio. Both areas feel like resort towns that exist solely for tourism. Other areas might have a less catering vibe. Also, the number of young women taking shots for the 'gram and giving you dirty looks because you ruined their 20-minute photoshoot is nauseating.
The train that runs between the 5 towns in CT gets packed to the brim with people during peak hours (~10 a.m. - 5 p.m.). On our arrival day I tried to get off the train for our final stop and I literally got stuck between people; I was able to lift my feet off the ground for a few seconds and not get anywhere like a cartoon character.
We visited CT to hike the Blue Path and no regrets there. Absolutely stunning and the only time we didn't feel overwhelmed with people (started hiking around 8 a.m. in Monterosso). But if you're just taking the train between towns you'll do almost as much hiking from the train stations to the main parts of all 5 towns. The only one we didn’t properly visit was Manarola so maybe that town has a short walk from the train station? I think there are vans/buses that take people from some of the train stations into town, but you'll be waiting amongst crowds and nothing is clearly noted.
Florence: we stayed right near the Ponte Vecchio and I do not recommend. Again, the number of people and crowds ruin it. I thought it would be nice/convenient staying near the Uffizi and the bridge, but it wasn't worth it. Unless you’re shopping for jewelry, the bridge can be much more appreciated from a distance. The location also isn't ideal because no matter what I tried we couldn't get a taxi; I downloaded apps, called taxi hubs, tried Uber, but no one would come to our location or offer alternative pick up spots. The city is very walkable, but we came down with food poisoning so by the end I was hoping to grab a taxi to the train station to alleviate some of the dejectedness I was feeling. We visited the Uffizi, Accademia, and the Piazzale Michelangelo, but I was happy to leave Florence. I felt like I couldn't escape the smell of cigarettes the entire time.
Rome: I think by this point were a bit weary from the food poisoning, crowds, and the amount of walking we did with our backpacks. Thankfully though no issues getting taxis/Ubers around Rome. Despite what people say about Trastevere being "overrated" now, stay there. It's easily the nicest part of Rome. My second recommendation would be Prati. We had tickets to visit the Vatican Museum and I wish we made the effort but this was the last leg of the trip and we were just over it so we spent our full day in Rome walking to all the sights: Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, Pantheon, Roman Forum, and Janiculum Hill.
Rome was nice and I enjoyed it more than Florence, but it also felt run down. We had a running joke that ambulances were following us because we could not escape the sirens. I know, it’s all part of history and maybe I’m just not sophisticated enough to appreciate its historical magnitude, but honestly, pass.
Public transit: Getting on ferries and trains felt like a fight each time which added some physical and mental fatigue. I highly recommend sticking to high-speed trains if possible because you can reserve your seat; it doesn’t matter if you book first class or standard, they’re basically the same. Trains where you don’t reserve your seat, good luck. We stood for 1.5hrs from CT to Florence CRAMMED in. Each time the train stopped more people would squeeze in but eventually we had to stop people from boarding.
The trains were occasionally running a couple minutes late and there was a 24hr strike during our stay but nothing that impacted our trip. Don’t feel like you must show up for your train more than ~10 minutes in advance, your train’s platform number likely won’t be displayed until about 5 – 10 minutes out. You’ll just stand around unnecessarily stressing yourself out otherwise.
Was this a magical trip? No, not really. Would I visit Italy again? Possibly with some time and with plans to stick to the more natural scenery. I did want to visit the Italian Dolomites but they were still snow covered during our visit.
I think another factor that contributed to it not being the “magical” experience you hope for is we had to stick to schedules the entire time and that’s not a typical fun vacation for me; whether it was the trains, museum/attraction entrance times, or dinner reservations, we frequently had somewhere we had to be. This type of trip didn’t allow for spontaneity. E.g. when we visited Scotland we rented a car and were able to visit random castles and museums without prep work or fighting crowds. Perhaps I could’ve had more fun or spontaneity by seeing less (I definitely wouldn’t want a car within Florence or Rome proper but I think the countryside/smaller towns would be okay), but when you only get so much time off for work, you try to squeeze it all in.
Food: Everyone comes for the main attraction which of course is the various pastas, but Italy does so much better than pasta. Yeah, I said it. The chicken I had there on two separate occasions from two different restaurants? Immaculate. I’ll never have more perfectly cooked chicken again. The deli meats? So flavorful. I ordered a yogurt with lemon and honey in CT (where they grow a lot of lemons) and I’ll think of that fondly for years to come. I also had a fantastic affogato in Florence.
As I mentioned, we did get food poisoning which can happen while traveling, but I did notice unless you’re going to a proper sit down restaurant, you might see people handling your food in ways that are unappetizing. In cafes and sandwich shops and quick bite places like that you won’t see food handlers using gloves and you’ll likely have dirty cups/plates/utensils. Not a big deal for some, not for me though.
We avoided the super touristy areas for our real dinners, but while the pasta was done well, the red sauce just wasn’t hitting for either of us.
I apologize if this comes off as a less than idyllic portrayal of Italy. It’s a beautiful country that is worth a visit, but I wanted to share my experience and maybe highlight it’s not for everyone and that’s okay.
Edit: formatting
2024.05.18 23:59 Master-Quantity-1490 The Temple of The Moon , Cusco
 | Are you tired of visiting the same places all the time? submitted by Master-Quantity-1490 to amazonperutrips [link] [comments] I recommend you visit new places freely and for free. For this, there is an Inca temple of the Moon/Fertility using religious patterns. They venerated the Moon in this place. Here you can see an Inca temple, some rock carvings, caverns, and other constructions that hold their particular significance. Others also comment that this could be the very important Temple of Fertility from the Inca era, and today only traces of this temple remain. https://preview.redd.it/cvl85ulnb91d1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=ddab19ad9b96285caa8184eefe48e01cc559e052 Killa or the Moon’s ImportanceAs I mentioned before, the Temple of the Moon was really important (considering that the Sun’s couple, the main god of the Inca Pantheon, was the Moon or Killa in Quechua) but curiously the construction was made inside a cavern, a sacred and mystical site for the Inca inhabitants. On the outside, you can see some stone carvings with different shapes, among them the one that draws the most attention is a semi-circular one in the shape of the moon.For this reason, this point was called the “Temple of the Moon.” Likewise, you will find figures depicting the serpent, condor, and puma, which the Inca empire considered sacred animals. Going back to the cave or cavern, the Incas built a ceremonial table that shows very fine carvings, and light filters down directly onto the center of the table from the top. According to local people, they performed rituals directed toward women there. This sacred site is part of the Qapac Ñan (Inca road network), a route that leads to the Sacred Valley of the Incas, specifically in the Pisac section. Near this temple, you can also visit other archaeological sites such as Sacsayhuaman, Pucapucara, Qenqo, and Tambomachay, all part of the classic city tour of Cusco, which needs a ticket if you want to visit all those sites. How to get to the Temple of the Moon?To get here, you have several options: one, and perhaps the most used by visitors, is to go on foot. For this, go to San Blas, take Atoqsayk’uchi street to White Christ road. Continue to Qenqo, then cross field to Temple of Moon.Another route is to come by public transportation’s buses called “Seño del Huerto” or “Cristo Blanco” that will drop you off at Qenqo (average fare is 2 Peruvian soles, or 0.5 US dollars), and from there you will have to make your way to the Temple of the Moon, or you can simply come by taxi, which will charge you around 10 Peruvian soles if taken by the city’s downtown (approximately 3 US dollars). What did the Moon mean for the Incas?The moon was fundamental in Inca times, as it influenced agriculture. The Incas described lunar phases based on new moons.“They counted the months by moons from one new moon to the next new moon, this they called the month quilla, like the moon; they gave names to each month, they counted the half months by its waxing and waning, they counted the weeks by the quarters, although they did not have a name for the days of the week,” mentioned Inca Garcilaso de la Vega. Recommendations for visiting the Temple of the Moon?
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2024.05.18 20:45 Ill-Pound2459 I save dogs
But i grope women endlessly and post it on social Media while married
Have an inappropriate relationship with a married woman who calls me her second husband.. oh wait sorry im scum. Lmao
Serious red flag for Anyone that hangs out with u
submitted by Ill-Pound2459 to dumbasspeoplefacebook [link] [comments]
Have an inappropriate relationship with a married woman who calls me her second husband.. oh wait sorry im scum. Lmao
Serious red flag for Anyone that hangs out with u
2024.05.18 17:35 jjgumbie Downtown Cleveland
I participated in the Cleveland 5k/10k today and around the finishing chute there was a homeless man on a bike groping women. There was no shortage of police for this event, but this guy went around assaulting women for a good 30 minutes.
A few pedestrians tried to mediate the situation, including myself, upon which the cracked out guy squared up on me. Would have loved to knock him on his ass, but didn’t want to get into any trouble or contract any diseases. Finally, after several sexual assaults and trying to start a fight for being told to leave, the police mosey on over.
Am I wrong thinking that it’s law enforcements job to recognize this situation and rectify it immediately? Just a really bad look for downtown Cleveland and law enforcement.
submitted by jjgumbie to Cleveland [link] [comments]
A few pedestrians tried to mediate the situation, including myself, upon which the cracked out guy squared up on me. Would have loved to knock him on his ass, but didn’t want to get into any trouble or contract any diseases. Finally, after several sexual assaults and trying to start a fight for being told to leave, the police mosey on over.
Am I wrong thinking that it’s law enforcements job to recognize this situation and rectify it immediately? Just a really bad look for downtown Cleveland and law enforcement.
2024.05.18 09:45 FantasticConflict140 Invisible biting bugs & hard tiny white bug 411
I decided to start a topic as a resource to everyone dealing with this.
I have recently reached out to an insect department at a university. No reply yet. I encourage everyone to do this so maybe someone will help. This has happened to me several times. I'll share what I have learned although now I'm dealing with some I can't rid myself of after my child left a window open for days in the desert. This is at least what I suspect happened. 1. They come with sand and dust from outside. Tropical, desert climates. They also piggy back airline, movie theatres, buses. I've picked them up in each. We had a roof put on in a remodel project and they were also unleashed while in Ft Myers, Fl 2. They hate cold. 3. There are 2 types: true invisibles and the tiny hard ones that look like microscopic salt and yes seem to attack and fall from nowhere. They love cotton, leggings /spandex, any support material. They also like oil and lotion. 4. Bed bug covers with fabric will attract them. They get into the fabric of those. Use plastic cheap covers on beds and pillows. If you get new beds or pillows leave that retail packaging plastic on! Its so thick and sturdy. 5. Bombing has always worked to kill them for me. This is the first time its only lasting a few days. First infestation in this house. Im moving next month and so terrified I'll have to toss most of the fabric items so I don't infest my new home. But I also took all the plastic off all the mattresses smh because it had gotten punctured in moving. I have kept plastic on for years whenever I purchase things because of the risk of these things. I'll probably have to toss it all before our next move. 6. They usually do drop off as soon as you leave your home. This time that isnt happening completely. It's like they sense outdoors. I used to be able to sleep in a car if I was on vacation or they got in my house. 7. Bomb your car too. 8. They hate cold so bag your travel clothes and leave them outside if its winter. 2 weeks they die. 9. Mouthwash, vinegar, even OFF will keep them off for a while. You might get sleep. 10. They will get in ears. This is the first time I have had this happen. A few drops of oil or safe materials to wash them out will work to flush them out. 11. They will show up as trichimoniasis! It wont be. But er and labs only see an unknown parasite and thats what diagnosis will be. Especially if you get them from beach towels. If they get into your vaginal area they can cause itching and discharge. Using a boric acid suppository usually kills them and wards them off. They will get in your crack too. On the beach, use towels you can toss.
submitted by FantasticConflict140 to invisiblebitingbugs [link] [comments]
I have recently reached out to an insect department at a university. No reply yet. I encourage everyone to do this so maybe someone will help. This has happened to me several times. I'll share what I have learned although now I'm dealing with some I can't rid myself of after my child left a window open for days in the desert. This is at least what I suspect happened. 1. They come with sand and dust from outside. Tropical, desert climates. They also piggy back airline, movie theatres, buses. I've picked them up in each. We had a roof put on in a remodel project and they were also unleashed while in Ft Myers, Fl 2. They hate cold. 3. There are 2 types: true invisibles and the tiny hard ones that look like microscopic salt and yes seem to attack and fall from nowhere. They love cotton, leggings /spandex, any support material. They also like oil and lotion. 4. Bed bug covers with fabric will attract them. They get into the fabric of those. Use plastic cheap covers on beds and pillows. If you get new beds or pillows leave that retail packaging plastic on! Its so thick and sturdy. 5. Bombing has always worked to kill them for me. This is the first time its only lasting a few days. First infestation in this house. Im moving next month and so terrified I'll have to toss most of the fabric items so I don't infest my new home. But I also took all the plastic off all the mattresses smh because it had gotten punctured in moving. I have kept plastic on for years whenever I purchase things because of the risk of these things. I'll probably have to toss it all before our next move. 6. They usually do drop off as soon as you leave your home. This time that isnt happening completely. It's like they sense outdoors. I used to be able to sleep in a car if I was on vacation or they got in my house. 7. Bomb your car too. 8. They hate cold so bag your travel clothes and leave them outside if its winter. 2 weeks they die. 9. Mouthwash, vinegar, even OFF will keep them off for a while. You might get sleep. 10. They will get in ears. This is the first time I have had this happen. A few drops of oil or safe materials to wash them out will work to flush them out. 11. They will show up as trichimoniasis! It wont be. But er and labs only see an unknown parasite and thats what diagnosis will be. Especially if you get them from beach towels. If they get into your vaginal area they can cause itching and discharge. Using a boric acid suppository usually kills them and wards them off. They will get in your crack too. On the beach, use towels you can toss.
- Using powder seems to actually kill them on skin like baby powder. If you have baby powder rub it and you'll get a little long term relief through the night.
- They get in hair. Oil makes them bite more. Wash often. Sulfur shampoo or scentless helps.
- Fogging is all that works. D. EARTH wont kill these. Idk why. The Fog cans in stores use a tiny amount now so you'll need at least 1 can per room. Clean up everything off the floor and open closets, drawers, pantries. Put porous food and containers in the fridge or freezer. Spray kills on contact but does nothing once it dries.
- These are obviously a parasite that have not been identified. Thousands of global forums & people suffering and not one insecticide company even researching it is weird.
- You can use double sided tape, tape, scrape and collect to collect samples. They are visible I have read. I recently started rubbing my hands on the bed and pinching them up and collecting them in a baggie in hopes someone will study them some day that can help us. This is my first time getting the white hard ones.
- They do not bite the whole household. They seem prone to biting people with blood issues and women. But they will still infest the entire family. They do bite! So if they are mites, then there is a biting mite.
- I'm typing this going insane. They will attach to clothing hanging in your closet.
- They will infest someone elses home through a visit. Even hotels. They seem to mate and populate overnight. I've brought them in from the beach on towels on vacation and by nightfall the room is infested! No these are not sandfleas though they seem to live in sand as well.
- They can live well over a month without a host they bite.
- Bites will be tiny red dots or tiny puss bumps. So yes these bite!
- You are not crazy. Thousands of us have dealt with these for years.
- If you can afford a tent over your house to fumigate everything, and bombs did not work...use it. We did this after the roof replacement and it solved the issue.
- The white dots all over your dark clothing are them. They don't seem to move but they are everywhere.
- They can cause nosebleeds and congestion. My kids aren't being bit but they have nose bleeds and stuffy noses. I hope this helps. I really haven't had an infestation this bad. I honestly never even saw them til this time. I usually kill them in one bombing. I have fogged twice! Only had mild relief. I think the older ones have the hardest shells and more visable. Im going to try the cheap plastic bags and if that doesnt work I'll have to dump anything fabric. Coated everything in d earth and that didn't work with these. Used sprays and repellants and get just a day of partial relief. Also I believe steam might work so I'm going to try that on my more expensive furniture. I don't want to donate if it will spread. I already did that with goodwill not thinking. Good luck and please drop your experiences.
2024.05.18 00:21 EritreanPost Nor do we Eritreans forget how the Ethiopian TPLF army, led by Meles Zenawi, committed sexual violence and rape against thousands of Eritrean women and children during the Ethiopian occupation of Gash Barka (West) and Akele Guzay (South Eritrea) during the Badme War of 1998-2000. 💔
 | Links: Eritrean Human rights organization Ehrea, submitted by EritreanPost to Eritrea [link] [comments] The rape of both girls and women by the Ethiopan soldiers in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980 was repeated by the Ethiopian armed forces during the 1998-2000 border conflict. Regarding this there was a report on Eritrean women who were sexually abuse by the Ethiopian military. Sapa-AFP reported that (2000): “Life was terrifying," said a tearful Tsadkan, 50. "I could never live there again." She arrived on Monday from Senafe - some 70km south-east of the Eritrean capital Asmara -- which has been occupied since May. "Every night, the soldiers came to my house, trying to grope me, harassing me," she added. She said she knew of the case of an 80-year-old woman who was raped by Ethiopian soldiers. Tsadkan wears no jewellery, except for a The rape of both girls and women by the Ethiopan soldiers in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980 was repeated during the broader conflict 1998-2000, there was a report on Eritrean womrn who were sexually abuse by the Ethiopian military during the broader conflict in 2000. Sapa-AFP reported that (2000) Life was terrifying," said a tearful Tsadkan, 50. "I could never live there again." She arrived on Monday from Senafe - some 70km south-east of the Eritrean capital Asmara -- which has been occupied since May. "Every night, the soldiers came to my house, trying to grope me, harassing me," she added. She said she knew of the case of an 80-year-old woman who was raped by Ethiopian soldiers. Tsadkan wears no jewellery, except cheap ring on her finger. The holes in her earlobes have been enlarged by the weight of her jewellery, now all gone. Victoria Bernal (2014) also briefly refers to the Eritrean women who were raped by Ethiopian soldiers during the border war. All the abuse and rape of Eritrean women during the border conflicts happened because the Ethiopian government failed to take effective measures to prevent the rape of Eritrean women by Ethiopian soldiers in the towns of Senafe, Barentu and Teseney( Murphy Sean D(2013)) Janet Grube (2005) states that thousands of women and girls experienced sexual violence perpetrated by the Ethiopian military. Janet adds that in late August 2000 people were able to escape to internally displaced persons (IDP) camps http://www.ehrea.org/historywomen.php https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25870882/ This paper considers the impacts of sexual violence perpetrated while the Eritrean town of Senafe was occupied by the Ethiopian military in 2000, during the second Ethiopia-Eritrea war. It discusses the aftermath for the survivors, all women and girls belonging to the Saho ethnic group, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25870882/ |
2024.05.17 18:20 GoranRadanovic The Biggest Financial Mistakes to Avoid
I've done plenty of stupid things with money. We've all made a financial mistake that made us question our reasoning for taking that path. But I've noticed one common money mistake among most people suffering financially.
We should agree that debt is bad, but a particular form of financing is the difference between living paycheck to paycheck and having several hundred dollars at the end of the month.
Keep in mind those figures exclude gas, insurance, repairs and tire replacements. With those expenses factored in, the average American is spending around $1,000 on their car monthly.
Think about how good it will feel to have an extra $1,000 at the end of the month after paying all your living expenses. In a year, that's $12,000, which is more than what a lot of people have in savings.
I used to be a financial moron who valued cars more than savings. My monthly car expense was more than my rent. Talk about stupid. My first purchase was a sports BMW followed by a luxury BMW.
My car was one of the reasons I ended up homeless.
Yes, I really did live on the street. I was completely broke, so I parked my BMW on the side of the road and lived in it after being evicted from my apartment. If that wasn't bad enough, I had defaulted on three months of payments, and the bank repossessed the car.
Your car payments are digging you into a financial rut. Stop sinking deeper and start making your way out.
I mean, those transportation means are below you. You're just so cool in your car, aren't you? Not really. It's draining you financially, and nobody thinks that broke people are cool.
Six years have passed since my car was repossessed, and I haven't owned another one. I've got cash to buy a nice car, but I'm not a financial moron anymore. I've saved several hundred dollars every month for the last six years by not owning one.
I use public transport and taxis when the former isn't available. Sure, buses can suck sometimes because of loud people and overloading. But it saves me a lot of money, so I'm prepared to sacrifice the comfort a car provides.
You enjoy getting in your car outside your home and arriving exactly at your destination. I have to walk to the bus stop and after the bus drops me off. The opposite sex might check you out in your fancy car while I get no attention from women while walking.
But I save money because I don't have a car while you own a liability that costs you monthly. Just think about it: not only is your car losing value, but you're funding every ride.
Owning a car is definitely one of the money mistakes to avoid. But if you've already made that mistake, you can correct it by not caring about your status and becoming less comfortable.
Selling a car you own is easier than the one you financed. How do you get rid of it if the vehicle finance is higher than the car is worth and you have no savings?
That's the first issue, but you then still have to buy another car since you insist. I would rather you didn't buy another one, but if you must, it's going to be with cash.
Although I recommend paying off the lowest debt first to build momentum, I suggest tackling vehicle finance first because it's a huge expense holding you back financially that can be corrected fairly quickly. There are other debts you also need to trim, but your car is killing you.
I really believe that your financial progress is dependent on settling the vehicle loan.
The sooner you settle the vehicle finance, the more money you'll have to dedicate to other debts.
If the car's value is lower than the vehicle finance balance, you have to decrease other expenses and dedicate the savings to a fund that will pay off the car debt and buy another affordable car. That sounds overwhelming, but it becomes easier when you take it one step at a time.
The affordable car should be only a few thousand dollars. I know that means it's not going to be what you want or are used to. Forget about status and comfort. You worried about those two factors for far too long, and they are the reason for your financial hardship.
Let's assume that your car's value is $10,000 lower than the outstanding vehicle finance, and the other car you will buy is $3,000. Yes, you can get decent cars for $3,000. They will be old, but a Toyota or a Honda is available in that price range. That means you need to save $13,000 to settle the vehicle finance and buy another car.
Saving that amount should not take longer than a year. If you live from paycheck to paycheck, you're wondering how you can ever save that amount.
You're in survival mode, and that means spending money only on expenses necessary for survival and debts to avoid blacklistings and lawsuits.
There's no doubt in my mind that you will save several hundred dollars monthly by excluding non-essentials from your budget.
You also have to sell stuff from your home. You need cash, not stuff. The stuff took cash away from you. So now it's time to get the cash back from the stupid stuff you bought.
Grab a pen and paper. Check every item in your house and list the ones that you don't need—it should be most of them. You can even sell clothing but definitely golf clubs, extra TVs and stuff you don't use often.
Host a garage sale and list the items online. You need to sell that stuff ASAP and add the money to the car fund.
After reducing your expenses for several months and selling your stuff, you should have enough to settle the vehicle finance and buy a $3,000 car.
I realise that your car's value depreciated during the time you saved for the car fund, and you probably won't get the same amount for it as when you initially enquired. But remember that you have also been paying it off during that period. So the payments should offset the difference in the car's value.
Pay the amount that will lower your vehicle finance balance to your car's value. Enough money should remain in the car fund for an affordable car.
Not having monthly car payments, coupled with all the car expenses will free up hundreds of dollars for you to dedicate to consumer debt. Your car's expenses are preventing you from having savings, making you vulnerable to huge financial setbacks.
Those headaches are not worth the status and comfort your car provides, so you need to settle your vehicle finance immediately. Making this financial decision will make you feel empowered and put you on the path to financial freedom.
submitted by GoranRadanovic to FinishFirstFinanciall [link] [comments]
We should agree that debt is bad, but a particular form of financing is the difference between living paycheck to paycheck and having several hundred dollars at the end of the month.
What's One of the Biggest Financial Mistakes?
Taking out vehicle finance is one of the most common financial mistakes preventing you from saving money. I would say that owning a car is one of the financial pitfalls to avoid, even if purchased with cash. The average American pays $700 in monthly car payments for a new car and $500 for a used one.Keep in mind those figures exclude gas, insurance, repairs and tire replacements. With those expenses factored in, the average American is spending around $1,000 on their car monthly.
Think about how good it will feel to have an extra $1,000 at the end of the month after paying all your living expenses. In a year, that's $12,000, which is more than what a lot of people have in savings.
I used to be a financial moron who valued cars more than savings. My monthly car expense was more than my rent. Talk about stupid. My first purchase was a sports BMW followed by a luxury BMW.
My car was one of the reasons I ended up homeless.
Yes, I really did live on the street. I was completely broke, so I parked my BMW on the side of the road and lived in it after being evicted from my apartment. If that wasn't bad enough, I had defaulted on three months of payments, and the bank repossessed the car.
Your car payments are digging you into a financial rut. Stop sinking deeper and start making your way out.
The Reason You Made One of the Worst Money Mistakes
You just had to buy that cool daily driver to get around, didn't you? Actually, you didn't. You did it because the car gave you status and comfort. How could you possibly use public transport, walk or carpool?I mean, those transportation means are below you. You're just so cool in your car, aren't you? Not really. It's draining you financially, and nobody thinks that broke people are cool.
Six years have passed since my car was repossessed, and I haven't owned another one. I've got cash to buy a nice car, but I'm not a financial moron anymore. I've saved several hundred dollars every month for the last six years by not owning one.
I use public transport and taxis when the former isn't available. Sure, buses can suck sometimes because of loud people and overloading. But it saves me a lot of money, so I'm prepared to sacrifice the comfort a car provides.
You enjoy getting in your car outside your home and arriving exactly at your destination. I have to walk to the bus stop and after the bus drops me off. The opposite sex might check you out in your fancy car while I get no attention from women while walking.
But I save money because I don't have a car while you own a liability that costs you monthly. Just think about it: not only is your car losing value, but you're funding every ride.
Owning a car is definitely one of the money mistakes to avoid. But if you've already made that mistake, you can correct it by not caring about your status and becoming less comfortable.
How to Fix the Financial Mistake Known as Your Car?
If you work remotely, there's no reason for you to own a car. The only time you should own a car is if you use it to generate an income such as deliveries and taxi rides. Otherwise, sell it. At the very least, downgrade to a more affordable car if it's crucial for you to own one.Selling a car you own is easier than the one you financed. How do you get rid of it if the vehicle finance is higher than the car is worth and you have no savings?
That's the first issue, but you then still have to buy another car since you insist. I would rather you didn't buy another one, but if you must, it's going to be with cash.
Although I recommend paying off the lowest debt first to build momentum, I suggest tackling vehicle finance first because it's a huge expense holding you back financially that can be corrected fairly quickly. There are other debts you also need to trim, but your car is killing you.
I really believe that your financial progress is dependent on settling the vehicle loan.
The sooner you settle the vehicle finance, the more money you'll have to dedicate to other debts.
Getting Rid of Vehicle Finance
Find out the exact balance on your car loan and the value of your car. Speak to dealers and also place an ad to gauge how much the market is prepared to pay for your vehicle.If the car's value is lower than the vehicle finance balance, you have to decrease other expenses and dedicate the savings to a fund that will pay off the car debt and buy another affordable car. That sounds overwhelming, but it becomes easier when you take it one step at a time.
The affordable car should be only a few thousand dollars. I know that means it's not going to be what you want or are used to. Forget about status and comfort. You worried about those two factors for far too long, and they are the reason for your financial hardship.
Let's assume that your car's value is $10,000 lower than the outstanding vehicle finance, and the other car you will buy is $3,000. Yes, you can get decent cars for $3,000. They will be old, but a Toyota or a Honda is available in that price range. That means you need to save $13,000 to settle the vehicle finance and buy another car.
Saving that amount should not take longer than a year. If you live from paycheck to paycheck, you're wondering how you can ever save that amount.
Two ways:
Reduce all your other expenses and sell stuff. You have to live on a minimalist budget. That means you cannot eat out, buy clothes, have subscriptions or spend money on entertainment.You're in survival mode, and that means spending money only on expenses necessary for survival and debts to avoid blacklistings and lawsuits.
There's no doubt in my mind that you will save several hundred dollars monthly by excluding non-essentials from your budget.
You also have to sell stuff from your home. You need cash, not stuff. The stuff took cash away from you. So now it's time to get the cash back from the stupid stuff you bought.
Grab a pen and paper. Check every item in your house and list the ones that you don't need—it should be most of them. You can even sell clothing but definitely golf clubs, extra TVs and stuff you don't use often.
Host a garage sale and list the items online. You need to sell that stuff ASAP and add the money to the car fund.
After reducing your expenses for several months and selling your stuff, you should have enough to settle the vehicle finance and buy a $3,000 car.
I realise that your car's value depreciated during the time you saved for the car fund, and you probably won't get the same amount for it as when you initially enquired. But remember that you have also been paying it off during that period. So the payments should offset the difference in the car's value.
Pay the amount that will lower your vehicle finance balance to your car's value. Enough money should remain in the car fund for an affordable car.
Final Thoughts on The Biggest Financial Mistake to Avoid
Saving up enough money to pay off the vehicle finance and having cash for an affordable car will require you to adopt a minimalist lifestyle. Check out my post How to Stop Living Paycheck to Paycheck and Save a Lot of Money for a detailed guide to fast-track your savings.Not having monthly car payments, coupled with all the car expenses will free up hundreds of dollars for you to dedicate to consumer debt. Your car's expenses are preventing you from having savings, making you vulnerable to huge financial setbacks.
Those headaches are not worth the status and comfort your car provides, so you need to settle your vehicle finance immediately. Making this financial decision will make you feel empowered and put you on the path to financial freedom.
2024.05.17 11:21 SearchForLove 28[M4F] #chandigarh / #online - tall fit nerdy ambiverted creative guy who works in finance / programming.
What I'm looking for -
Anything goes really. We can spend quality time online or we can meet in real in a few weeks if you are closer to haryana or punjab or chandigarh or delhi . (I also visit mumbai sometimes )
(If you are from outside India, that's also fine since I don't care which part of the world I live in if I can be with someone I love.)
Then we can go for long walks, go on a date/outing. While I love physical affection like cuddles, hugs, kisses , I love a nice company too and will respect your boundaries if you don't want to be touched in the first meeting.
Ideally, I'm looking for a meaningful medium term relationship but which has a potential to turn into something everlasting in future. But I'm open to casual setups too in case you feel you aren't ready for serious commitment.
I don't understand people who go through traditional route of arrange marriages. How can they bypass this dating phase and jump into the nuptials directly. Also, if you don't test out the compatibility beforehand, you could very well end up in a deadbedroom situation, which is big cause of divorce.
Personality type :
Physically, I'm tall ( 6'0" ), cute, neither the most handsome nor ugly, average built and medium wheatish complexion.
I am a semi-introvert. - I don't have social anxiety or anything but I am avoidant of certain people, yet find it easy to talk to strangers. Although I can't approach women in real life. I'm pretty blunt by nature. I can speak well in stage and on public , get into conversations with Co-passengers in trains, buses etc. Yet, I feel intimidated/uncomfortable talking to my relatives, immediate neighbors, school friends. I'm fluent in English and Hindi.
I'm more the thinking type than feeling. But I do feel bad for hurting someone. I fall In love fast but do not get attached too fast.
I'm super blunt and straightforward. Sometimes chill, sometimes intense. I have great anger control, a friendly amicable temperament.
I prefer voice chat because although time is not an issue for me, we can express emotions clearly and I can explain myself more elaborately than text where I have to cut down. But texting is good too and has its own advantages. Or alternatively, if you are not comfortable speaking, you can just listen. I can sing you a song on call.
Hobbies and passions :
I love watching crime, thrillers and inspirational movies. I love reading books especially non fiction books and web articles, forums, blogs.
I like puzzle games / board games. . I don't play much video games anymore. But I can play to give you company. MOBA, FPS, anything .
I used to play all kinds of sports in my college days but now it's just football & badminton
submitted by SearchForLove to r4r [link] [comments]
Anything goes really. We can spend quality time online or we can meet in real in a few weeks if you are closer to haryana or punjab or chandigarh or delhi . (I also visit mumbai sometimes )
(If you are from outside India, that's also fine since I don't care which part of the world I live in if I can be with someone I love.)
Then we can go for long walks, go on a date/outing. While I love physical affection like cuddles, hugs, kisses , I love a nice company too and will respect your boundaries if you don't want to be touched in the first meeting.
Ideally, I'm looking for a meaningful medium term relationship but which has a potential to turn into something everlasting in future. But I'm open to casual setups too in case you feel you aren't ready for serious commitment.
I don't understand people who go through traditional route of arrange marriages. How can they bypass this dating phase and jump into the nuptials directly. Also, if you don't test out the compatibility beforehand, you could very well end up in a deadbedroom situation, which is big cause of divorce.
Personality type :
Physically, I'm tall ( 6'0" ), cute, neither the most handsome nor ugly, average built and medium wheatish complexion.
I am a semi-introvert. - I don't have social anxiety or anything but I am avoidant of certain people, yet find it easy to talk to strangers. Although I can't approach women in real life. I'm pretty blunt by nature. I can speak well in stage and on public , get into conversations with Co-passengers in trains, buses etc. Yet, I feel intimidated/uncomfortable talking to my relatives, immediate neighbors, school friends. I'm fluent in English and Hindi.
I'm more the thinking type than feeling. But I do feel bad for hurting someone. I fall In love fast but do not get attached too fast.
I'm super blunt and straightforward. Sometimes chill, sometimes intense. I have great anger control, a friendly amicable temperament.
I prefer voice chat because although time is not an issue for me, we can express emotions clearly and I can explain myself more elaborately than text where I have to cut down. But texting is good too and has its own advantages. Or alternatively, if you are not comfortable speaking, you can just listen. I can sing you a song on call.
Hobbies and passions :
I love watching crime, thrillers and inspirational movies. I love reading books especially non fiction books and web articles, forums, blogs.
I like puzzle games / board games. . I don't play much video games anymore. But I can play to give you company. MOBA, FPS, anything .
I used to play all kinds of sports in my college days but now it's just football & badminton