How much does flomax cost without insurance

My husbands mother has had an issue initially with bedbugs and hoarding due to illness. while hoarding is an illness in itself we deemed that she simply could not be left alone mentally an need to care for her. we spoke often about how ill she was and both came to an agreement that we must care for her and what better way then get an extra room and simply care for her. shes been living with us for a few years now. and im starting to see her and what her issues are.. she WAS ill at one point but got much much better. i realised that she had issues at one point but she will not help herself in ANYWAY shape or form to the point that she justifies being disgusting. when she lived on her own we tried twice to get her out of a nasty situation. she had a major bedbug infestation in both of her houses. we cleaned out her house and basically got rid of everything but there were still some hanger ons and it infested her second place that we helped her out of....
this second place was next door to us. so we could of been closer. she neglected her dog and made us go out pick up SOME stuff for her. while we had that space she let the dog shit and piss all over the house and never even bathed she would simply buy new things an sit on her ass while trash and shit and piss would build up around her (this was when it was very bad and we decided to take her in) she got out of there which i though was for her own good. she brought in the bed bugs into a few of our homes and they infested our stuff us needing to start over constantly. we even got many exterminators but also costly. we changed to some natural fungus treatment and FINALLY it worked after 3 years of trying to get rid of them.
just this year alone i have a child on the way and its increasingly frustrating that even with a cleaner environment, her getting mental help. getting the proper meds and support i over heard her say to her therapist that she feels unwelcome because of how apparently obsessively clean i am. I am also NESTING and i never really lived in a messy home i dont like it. im not even asking her to clean her own room it is her space but my husband and my step son have tried to clean her room because frankly it does smell to some degree. and theres alot of clutter(way less horrid then what she had but bad nonetheless)
she just orders clothes instead of cleaning them even upon offering to clean her clothes for her. she hoards trash around my house saying she will recycle but she doesnt (beside the recycling bin itself) so i do it for her and she gets angry. she does have incontinence issues so she wears diapers. while she can go to the bathroom on her own she sometimes misses (understandable) but she leaves her dirty diapers on my counter instead of putting them in the trash literally next to the toilet. and leaves feeces and blood on the toilet seat for me to clean. she always makes us buy her things now and horribly unhealthy food all the time and complainss when we sometimes make food for her she doesnt like. (in an attempt to be sure everyone eats what they like we all take executive decisions as a group on what to eat). i feel like were leaving alot of legroom regardless even if we dont like it but its never good enough. this woman refused to eat a pizza because the peperoni was under the cheese..... my husband started getting angry (i always was and i regret this decision)
but i need a more clean home for my baby and i can no longer tend to this woman (aswell as myself and the rest of the familly. my husband has stepped in ALOT and talks to his mom telling her that she needs to for the child but she always gives me these passive aggressive or petty comments. like when i clean she says (my mom used to move furniture around to clean it). or (can you leave the bathroom door open ((so she can breathe but she never had an issue with the window open) i keep it closed to keep the animals out. her cats cant even pee properly so were constantly cleaning the cat litter for this woman. we run errands for her. we setup her appointments for her, we attempt to help her clean her room but she refuses putting everyone else at risk. she gets angry with us for not doing things her way. sometimes me and my husband argue and she says WE bother HER when we argue. to basically stop arguing because it makes HER uncomfortable. after being forgiving for so many years she runs the entire familly bending all of us around her damn fingers for her own convenience. frankly i gave her the benefit of the doubt for a very long time and i just cant take it anymore. even establishing to her that we need her to take care of herself a bit more so we can focus on the end of my pregnancy and when that baby arrives. she still acts like we HAVE to do everything for her. weve asked her to move her own car simple as so that we dont have to pay for tickets... today i just picked a ticket off of her car and she WILL blame my husband for not moving it. we work from home and dont always have the time to do it on time while she has zero responsibilities and NOTHING to do . i was at a point once where i told myself she cant shes sick. but she has no issue going out on her own when she wants to go shopping. she rarely leaves the house but shes perfectly able. i hate to say this but shes flat out LAZY and aa HOARDER simple as and is trying nothing to get better for herself when we directly ask her she gets better for 2 days then she reverts back to slob and (do everything for me go buy me more coke) attitude. i know i shouldnt butt in to the whole therapist thing either but she makes them housecalls instead which means we cant even live in our own house while the therapist is around. and when she sits on the couch.... she then stays there fo DAYS. making my livingroom a mess and TMI but i can SEEEEE her skin sheds ON MY COUCH.
im cleaning 24/7 my husband cares for me and helps me clean and so does his son. and we all contribute. except for her. its a big familly. and when i cant, i ask for help and i get it. BUT i see the stress my husband also undergoes. we have to care for absolutely everyones incompetence with a baby on the way and its extremely stressfull. the LEAST that i want is to keep her own stuff in check but she is completely ignorant.
I need to vent and i frankly want to yell at her and just tell her to wake the fuck up and take care of herself or shes out of my house. but truth is i have still seen my husbands mood improve to some degree knowing his mom is still in a better environment regardless. we cant just kick her out again to be left to her own.
sadly however im starting to think she should just no longer be my business and it should just be me taking care of my house regardless of her being here no matter how anngry or pettty she gets. she completely disagrees with how i handle my house. my relationship. and my familly as a whole. again i dont want to listen in on someones therapy session but the walls are thin. she makes her therapy sessions about how shes uncomfortable and dislikes how I handle MY life decisions and MY kids and MY relationship with my husband.
i love him and she cant even be grateful that we took her in to help. she cant even be grateful that she has a cleaner home to die in. and shes definitely taking advantage of us. when she doesnt need to. Im just TIRED

I've been considering a TT/MMO for years but have some questions I'm not really finding answers to?
1) I know you're hurting and sore and everything. How long til you can go back to regular activities, and additionally, how long til you can have sex post op?
2) no matter what surgeon website I go on they don't give me very much information. How much does one usually cost? 5k? 10k? 15?
3) Where do you find photos of a surgeons work when they don't have it on their website?
4) has anyone here gotten a TT with an umbilical hernia and damaged stomach muscles? How bad was it? Did it really fix it?

I've been reading through all the posts in regards to NJ Family Care and I see that it's basically a horror show. With that in mind, I'm trying to make sure I get everything correct as my situation is a little "involved." They are asking for my marital status which is technically "married," but I have not lived with my spouse for almost ten years at this point. Up until recently, he was violently opposed to divorce proceedings and would spew all sorts of threats regarding my wanting to file. We never went to court for anything, I essentially threw whatever belongings I could in bags and fled with our two daughters who were pre-school age at the time (now they are in middle school.) So there was never any court ordered support and over the years he has sent random amounts of "support" via Paypal, had them visit when it fit his schedule and provided medical insurance coverage through a group plan he had through an association he belonged to. I've also never had the money to hire an attorney for the divorce because providing for my two daughters all those years alone never left anything extra for that sort of thing. He lives in NY, I moved back home to NJ in July of 2022 because I was pregnant and moving in with my current partner. I just found out that he stopped paying for my daughters (and my) health insurance so I need to get the three of us covered. I have no income, I stay home with my son who is 20 months old and my partner works ( has his own insurance through his job for him and our son) so I think I should be able to qualify - my one daughter is also autistic (enrolled with an IEP in the special education program through the local district.) The application asks my marital status, I'm wondering what to put down because while I am married, it's not to the person who I share a household with (my partner files taxes as head of household and claims my daughters as dependents because their Father does not and he's the one who actually supports them.) So what would be the proper response? I'm not legally separated but when I put down that I'm "Married" it will not let me advance without inputting spouse information. I put my partner down as a household member but he is "Single" along with all the kids. My technical husband is NOT a household member.
Second question...I assume they will take into account my partner's income which would probably be more than the thresholds for social services. Will this prevent my daughters and I from getting health coverage? I mean, he makes a decent living but we are just making the mortgage and bills with the crazy cost of living here. I also see that they want bank statements from reading some of the other posts. This time of year we have a little extra in our accounts because of his tax refund but in no way are we ever close to being this "stacked" and by stacked I mean I had a couple thousand when any other time of the year i might have a couple hundred bucks lol.
Any insight is appreciated.

Hey all, I figure I can provide some helpful guide for the US which I find always successful and useful to achieve global dominance to achieve a victory.
So, let’s get into why, then how.
Why : an easy way at capitulating the future problems and threats will ensure that your average player can figure out how combat works and all the intricate systems through victory. The biggest rivals at the moment include ; Russia, China, and their allies which is usually Iran, Syria, and North Korea.
How : to get started, you need to solve your economic issues, this is a stopper which prevents us from waging full scale war without suffering intense economic consequences and saves you from worse outcomes of the 2008 financial crisis, which is inevitable as the US.
First, get rid of the cartels, ensure Bush is elected and lower corruption to the minimum level. These three things ensure our victory. Electing Gore will result in minimal benefits, but we’re aiming at being able to tax citizens to keep up with costs of our military which also is paid for easier due to the benefits of Bush’s party in the code.
To get rid of the cartels, you need to keep clicking focuses to raid certain locations or capture people, it helps to time the end of the decision with the decisions which improve your chances of a successful raid, like military and police support, so be sure to select what you want to do, usually the highest chance of success decision, and pair that with whatever other decision of support to end at the same time.
At the same time, if possible, save political power and use it to lower corruption in the government screen, it takes a LOT of PP, so keep saving and you’ll be okay.
After the Cartel is done, Bush is elected (try to support him in the ideologies tab by also giving him a bit more support if you don’t believe he is going to win the election, a few times should help) and corruption is lowered, your economy should be much better!
Now, be sure to increase population tax in the screen for economy until you’re earning more than you’re losing. Last time I played I believe it was 30-40% pop tax.
War time!! - With that cleared out of the way, do NOT go down the focus tree for the “War on Terror”, this will result in heavy penalties with not a lot of benefit, usually you want to go down the middle where you get a lot of breathing room.
Declare war on Iraq, and send land and air volunteers to Afghanistan, and select the western puppet president when you win. Usually you want to send transport planes to Afghanistan, you do not get enough volunteers to send a decent air force, so this should suffice! I usually send one tank brigade (no need to make them, they are already created and deployed), and a special forces unit. If you don’t have enough room you can just send special forces, and let them chip away at the Taliban until you inevitably win.
Iraq is also easy, deploy a sufficient force of Marines, Special forces and tanks / infantry, I cannot remember the specific number, but roughly half of all of your units will be enough. Cover the area in air support and air superiority fighters and you will win within a year of declaring. Be sure to PUPPET Iraq so this raises world tension and allows you to be more war-mongery.
Next, the fun part begins. This is a long haul sometimes so be patient. Keep your influence on Ukraine and only Ukraine, it will eventually allow you to puppet Ukraine, which shares the biggest closest border with Russia, one of three major enemies. When your influence is high enough, more than 70 usually, keep pushing your political party on Ukraine, until it is over 60% I believe, then you can puppet Ukraine once your influence gains back what it loses from boosting ideology in Ukraine.
Once Ukraine is puppeted, station all or most of your army there. Use most of your mills to produce infantry goods, like Manpads, anti tank weapons, and IFVS. Also be sure to prioritize supply trucks. Planes are not insanely necessary, but keep a few mills on multirole and CAS planes, which you will lose fighting Russia.
Because Russia by the time you are done with this has provoked by attacking the donbass usually, you are free to declare war on them and make sure your offensive lines are aimed at the Ural mountains behind Moscow and at Kazakhstan, because they will continue fighting till then.
While this is all happening, keep building civs, they are the most cost-efficient building and get you the most income for your building.
After the war is over, puppet Russia, and that’s the strat, yep that’s it. In-between, a few funky things can happen, but are easy to deal with ; Iran declares war, Turkey attacks Syria. So be sure to use Iraq as a landing zone to attack them before Russia on some runs, and your game will go much smoother. China is pretty easy after, as well, you can station all your troops on north China and push.
Mods I play with : Millennium dawn and Player Peace Conferences.

Book 3 mentions that as lore-speakers the heros will continue to receive a monthly stipend from the school but does not specify the GP amount. By this point the heros should be level 8 and I'm wondering what an appropriate amount would be to give them?
The Magaambya covers the cost of modest personal accomodations as well so this should probably be factored in to how much I end up giving them.
Our group is still in book 1 but I want to plan ahead. I'm also thinking I should maybe also bump up the stipend amount once they become attendants, and conversants at levels 4 and 6 respectively.

Two summers ago, I drove 7 hours one way to buy a 2019 Manual Genesis G70. It was used, not certified preowned, with just under 12K miles. The OEM tires were approaching the end of their useful life. It had one scratch on the rear passenger door and an annoying dealership permanent sticker on the trunk. It also only had one key. The head unit infotainment screen also had a small delamination crack - visible if you looked close but not perceptible if you ran your fingers across it. I bought it as is, though Genesis has a stellar warranty that transfers to the second owner so I still had 2 years warranty remaining. It was too far away for me to get it to a trusted mechanic to PPI, so the warranty was a huge factor.
On a long drive to the beach, the screens began to flicker. The car still ran mechanically fine, but it was alarming. I also noticed I couldn't get the Genesis Connected Services to work. A few weeks later, the screens were flickering again in my driveway. I shut the car off thinking if I just shut it off and turned it back on it would fix itself - for about 5 minutes I couldn't restart the car. It was as though it had a completely dead battery. I took it to my local dealer which unfortunately is an hour away but fortunately is reached through a combination of great back roads and highways. They were unable to replicate the issue but decided to attribute it to the head unit and replaced the entire thing on the basis of the delamination crack being covered by warranty. A week after I got the car back, the screens flickered again. I tried doing an over the air software update with Genesis Corporate over the phone and it kept failing, so we went back to the dealership. They manually did the update. After a few more weeks, the screens flickered again. I took it back down and they decided to go nuclear, completely uninstalling all software and updates from the car and then reinstalling the latest software as a clean slate. When I got it back - my genesis connected services were working and the screens never flickered again. BUT. My backup camera would now randomly stop working. I took it back and they tried a patch update to the backup camera software as well as replacing a crush washer that's apparently a known failure point for the backup camera. The problem persisted. They informed me there is a sensor in the transmission that tells the backup camera when the car is in reverse and when to turn on. That sensor apparently failed, and the solution is apparently to replace the entire transmission. I personally found that insane, but a new clutch and transmission covered fully under warranty? Sure, I'll enjoy your courtesy car a little longer. Yeah, on that note. Having the car in and out of the shop so often was annoying, but it was all covered under Genesis phenomenal warranty, the dealership was surprisingly patient, understanding and communicative, and since they're an hour away I had an opportunity to enjoy some courtesy cars on a good mix of backroads and highways. The courtesy cars I had in no particular order...

• 2023 Genesis G70, 2.0 Turbo AWD. Felt heavy and the automatic transmission seems to take up more space in the center console than the manual. Definitely quicker than my car, but I don't enjoy the weightyness to it. I think it might have something to do with how the power is being put down? Like it IS faster than my car and it DOES have better traction in corners but it FEELS much heavier.
  
• 2023 Sonata N-Line. Feels fast and light but not for me. The interior after getting out of a G70 is a let down and the front wheel drive and extra power don't do enough to make up for it. To clarify - I think this is a fun car if you want a quick, front wheel drive sedan - but it's not my cup of tea.
  
• 2022 Genesis G80. Cannot say enough good things about this car. Feels like a true luxobarge. Gorgeous, comfortable, quiet interior, everything feels heavy and expensive but it also has the power to get out of its own way. This was by far, hands down, no comparison, the best courtesy car I've ever been given. I'd go as far as to say it's one of the best cars I've ever driven in my life. That's relative of course, but it really was just such an impressive vehicle. It was hard to find anything not to like about it.
  
• 2023 Genesis G70, 3.3 twin turbo AWD. Holy hell this thing moves. So, this car has the sunroof - which I hate. In G70s with the sunroof, I have to put the seat all the way on the floor to have headroom. I'm 5'11" with a 32 inch inseam if that gives you an idea of my torso/leg ratio. It also had the same heavyness I felt in the 2.0 AWD courtesy car - it's something to do with the AWD but I don't know if it's how the system moves power around or if it's literally just the added weight of the system. It doesn't feel flickable the way my RWD car feels. And before you call me an idiot for describing my G70 as flickable, understand it's all relative and I haven't owned or driven that many performance cars in my life. I know my car isn't a miata. That all being said. So. Freaking. Fast. The V6 has a really unique sound to it unlike any other V6 I've experienced, I can't decide if I like it or not but it's definitely unique. The speed is really incredible and the AWD makes it so usable. You can floor it turning right or left off the line at a stoplight and it will hold the road and put the power down. If I weren't so sure this car would get me arrested, I'd want one.
  

I got my car back and I haven't had any issues with screens or backup cameras or anything else since the transmission replacement. So what's to love? Small, sporty, rear wheel drive car that has the power to break traction but isn't so powerful that you can't use all your gears. To me this car is straddling the line of slow car fast. It's incredibly comfortable, has a great stereo, looks cool, and it's got enough room for me, my spouse, my dog and a child seat. Also so glad I got the manual when I did - manual G70s are not easy to find. This was one of four for sale within 500 miles of my zip when I bought it. The rear seat is actually usable, but the foot room is tight. I'm 5'11 with a 32 inch inseam. If I take my shoes off, I can sit behind my driving position. I have the knee and hip room - but the foot room is very tight for an adult male. Decent gas mileage if you're not driving it like a hooligan. Feels light and eager to turn, even at speed.
What's not so good? The trunk has a high load floor so even though you have a good opening and footprint, it's shallow. It's not unusable, it's just not as deep as you'd expect it to be. I was still able to fit everything my spouse, my dog and I needed for a week at the beach. Speaking of long trips - no spare tire. That pissed me off. Not even a space saver? Come on. I think it should be a legal requirement that all cars have at least a space saver. In any case, this car can accept the same space saver spare kit the 3.3 model comes with or the Kia Stinger comes with. I ordered the parts online and installed a space saver spare myself. The backup camera shuts off as soon as you're out of reverse, even if you're rolling backwards in neutral. This is a nitpick, but I do wish the backup camera would stay on until I was rolling forward. Speaking of reverse, the pedal box is tight and I usually wear an 11 or 12 shoe depending on the brand. With certain shoes, I have to modify my left foot motion because my toe will catch the arm of the clutch pedal. Not impossible, but it can be annoying in certain pairs of shoes or if you have big feet.
Clutch and Transmission :: I'm gonna give this it's own section because I feel like this is a very case sensitive matter. Manuals I drove before this - a 2011 Subaru Outback. First manual car I bought and I drove it for 120K miles before an old dude in a Yukon totaled it. Some people have said they don't enjoy the feeling of this transmission, I don't have much to compare it to. I think the stick feel is fine. The actual clutch is a toss up for me. It's hydraulic, so on one hand it's buttery smooth and easy and very forgiving if you're doing a drive through or in stop and go traffic - things I took pains to avoid in my outback. The flip side is, the pedal gives you very little feedback. The bite point is harder to feel and it definitely numbs the experience a bit. If you're looking for a very raw, analog feeling transmission this is not it. This feels much more like an entry level luxury sport sedan that was given a manual just because it would be cool to have a manual, but also trying to do one in such a way that it wouldn't alienate luxury car buyers who generally find manuals to be a nuisance.
Would I go through it all again? Absolutely. The dealer trips were annoying but it let me test drive some cool stuff and I never paid a dime. The only thing I paid for was an oil change, a new set of tires (not from the dealer) and a new key cause I wanted to have two. The key was $700 which is offensive but unfortunately not unheard of with modern cars. The car is a blast. If you want a smallish, luxuryish, sportscarish vehicle that gives you a lot of nice stuff without being too expensive or too harsh, check out a G70. If you're a manual purist, you may love it or hate it - the clutch is definitely a sticking point for many people. Genesis Dealer? Mine is great, thank god. But I have heard plenty of horror stories from other owners who went to more Hyundai focused dealers. Maintenance? No mechanical issues at all, just weird software related glitches that were all covered under warranty. Mods? Not really planning anything big. I added a sun strip to the windshield, a dash cam and wiring for my radar detector. Also the spare tire. And I put PS4s on it. I plan to keep it stock - at least until it's paid off and the warranty is out.
Questions for reddit :: Catch cans! Should I have one on this car? Is there a recommended brand? Do your mechanics charge you more to empty them or do you empty them yourselves? What does a catch can do that the OEM air oil separator doesnt?
TL;DR :: I like my manual G70. It isn't very fast, but I like it.

I'm looking for more input to help me decide what to do about my job situation.
Some not so quick backstory on my narc:
I took an Executive Assistant position with a six-person company (with no HR department) just over a year ago. Shortly after I started, my boss went through a divorce, which significantly changed his behavior. Initially, the job was great, with hybrid and work-from-home options. However, as the divorce progressed, he began making inappropriate comments and exhibited troubling behavior.
He kept insisting that I hook him up with some of my friends. This is after telling me he was not looking for anything serious, so he was really asking for me to find someone he could have sex with. When I told him that was not part of my job description he just laughed and said I was also his personal assistant and I have to do anything he asks. He would often come into the office sick and would end up getting me sick. When I asked if he could cough into his shoulder instead of coughing openly all over the office (sometimes in my face like a child) he made a comment to the 27 year old he was seeing at the time that he and I made out with him and that's why he was sick. He came into my office laughing about how upset his 27 year old girlfriend was that he was making jokes about making out with his assistant. I told him "you can't say things like that to me or her" he laughed and walked away. I spent the next two hours crying on the phone to my coworker (who happens to be related to him and in no position of power any more because she's close to his ex wife so she cannot help me) and she insisted he wasn't like that. I couldn't tell anyone but my partner because I felt so ashamed. I went back into the office after crying and his first words to me were "wow you look like shit" I explained to him that I had been crying because his inappropriate comments made me feel like I am not professional and instead just a joke to him. He apologized and said he couldn't afford a defamation suit right now with the divorce and sent me home for the day.
This is only a few weeks into having this job so I am panicked thinking I am stuck at this point because who's going to hire someone that's only been at a company for a few weeks? How is that going to look on my resume.
As time went on I feel like I really dove in and made the job my own. I'm basically everything to the company with HR, IT, Accounting etc. as some of us EA's end up being for small companies. I am also taking over duties for his relative who is pregnant and she basically runs the company for him so I am truly the end all be all for all operations of the company.
While the inappropriate comments stopped (I think it was because he finally got a long term gf) other things started coming up. I took a long weekend vacation in August, October, December and February and on each of those vacations he ended up texting me that he didn't feel supported by me and that I needed to focus on streamlining things for him and he's not getting that enough from me. The October, December, February vacations I spent the first day crying because of these texts. Both times I came back from vacation and wrote emails asking how I can do better but both times I was written off and told "I don't want to talk about that right now." I asked him "can you please not text me criticisms while I am on vacation and instead have a sit down conversation with me face to face so that we might tackle these issues" he would say yes then of course it would never happen and this behavior continues.
More recently he has been getting a bit more emotionally abusive I guess? I have to text him reminders (which I have now stopped because of this conversation) every hour, half hour, 15 minutes and 5 minutes before each meeting. He was upset because a meeting got moved and I didn't adjust my notifications and he ended up being a half hour early to a meeting. He was very irate and has called me unreliable multiple times and has asked me to stop sending these notifications because my JD clearly states that I need to set up these notifications through technology (my mistake for trying to defend myself). I reminded him that my JD and operating manual that the old EA made states that I need to also text him these reminders, I had already had the notifications set up on his phone and asked if he was not seeing them. His response was "I'm saying the lack of self awareness with how you communicate to me is getting tiring. Your job is not on the line here but as you can see are going to keep moving forward and keep making improvements." I think he is projecting the self awareness but I just don't find this kind of feedback respectful or helpful.
He started off my annual review by telling me that I would not be getting my bonus as "freely" as I did last year and he's going to put a lot of stipulations in place to make sure I don't get it without a lot more work (that was feb and it's now almost june and these stipulations have still not been stated..). He said that he needs to spend more money on marketing and he's overpaying people so he will not give me a raise this year. He also went on to talk about how I have a bad attitude and how I've been frustrated with the new office. My commute tripled with this move and this office is a coworking space that does not give us the proper tools to operate our company - his gf helped him pick it out without knowing how we operate and it's only continued to hinder and cost us money so yes, I am frustrated and feel way out of my depth with zero support. On top of the fact that he makes snide comments that he doesn't believe I can't do xyz because the office wifi doesn't support it. He just recently hired another relative to take over the IT duties for the new office because I've been struggling and even she is running into the same problems I am seeing. (obviously he only hires relatives because those are the only people that put up with his bs longterm)
In conclusion, I am terrified of working the two weeks if I give notice given his penchant for hurting me. I am also terrified of giving same day notice but would be far more relieved if I block him on everything. However, he's the kind of vindictive person that would stalk me to find out where I've gone next to call them and let them know I did not give two weeks and actually quit the same day. I am also paranoid that he would try to sue me for leaving because I run EVERYthing in this company right now. I feel so beat down that I don't even feel like I have the energy to be a good EA right now. I know that's the point with all this gaslighting and demeaning behavior so I just need some help. I am trying not to end up with being sent into a grippy sock vacation but my mental health is definitely veering that way at this point.
(good news is I am on my fourth job and fifth job interview with another company this week)

during covid, i went from normal weight to overweight thanks to eating out of boredom, which quickly turned into binging. no one fucking cared. everyone was just telling me to simply stop eating. hell, my father even kept telling me to diet which just triggered another binging. i wanted to be skinny so fucking bad, and i realized that the only way to truly become skinny is to not eat anything at all—to completely separate myself from food, to realize that food is something that does not belong to me. that i dont need food. and with this mindset, i finally stopped binging. any food meant slowing down the process of losing the weight. food meant potentional trigger to binging. food meant so much guilt. and no food meant feeling hungry and apathic, which felt so fucking good. i quickly went from overweight back to the healthy bmi range and i was fucking dying inside and my body was giving up. but instead of anyone maybe wondering why i lost like fifteen fucking kilos in like two months, everyone was just congratulating me on my amazing weight loss. even now, looking at photos from that time, i looked pale as hell and my hair were slowly falling out. i looked like a living dead. like, seriously, how did no one see it? i was literally dying, i could have died if i didnt decide to get better and no one would even know why. it would be a sudden death. no health problems, it just happens right? it can happen to anyone. no one would even think of me having an eating disorder, not even doctors (the irony haha), because the last time when i was at hospital at yearly weight in, they weighted me and i had a healthy weight, so they didnt care. i was healthy, they said. in fact, this was the only time i could see my weight since i didnt even have a chance to step on a scale at home because we didn't have one, so this whole time i thought i was was still at healthy range. surprise, i was extremely underweight. so as i said, then later, it truly could not go on anymore without eating since it just led to more binging and more hair falling out, so i started eating and i gained some weight. and now i regret that so much bro. because i gained this weight and was partly recovered for some time, my parents now dont believe me when i tell them how bad i was suffering even before i got this official diagnosis about anorexia nervosa only like two months ago. my father now keeps showing me pictures of my emaciated self and asking me if i think i look fat here, considering he thinks i began starving myself even when i ‘was so skinny’, so he tries to convince me that i was skinny even before i ‘started’ starving myself. hes fucking trying to help me, i know, but it still makes me wanna kill myself. like, yes, obviously i now could see that i was skinny here because i was dying. now show me my overweight body—thats when i was fat. my father basically thinks i was not sick enough back then and, well, its really fucking triggering. no one took me seriously until i was severely underweight. i could have died at any fucking moment. i was literally screaming for help but no one fucking listened. they just told me how great i looked. only now when i was severely underweight did they finally start caring. but if someone listened back then, it could have then never had to go to this point. its killing me so much, im so scared of becoming fully weight restored because my mindset is still the same, and once again, once ill gain more weight, no one will again take me seriously. because healthy body=recovered mentally right? im gonna cry bro.
I was going through it fr fr (nothing changed but shhh)

For context, both of our parents are homophobic. The two of us are also 24.
We've been dating for 8, maybe 8 years. Close to ten at least. For the longest while I've wanted to get married to her. And ever since we were in college she always talked about how she wanted to get married to me too, what type of wedding we'd have, what kind of house we'd buy, how many kids we'd adopt, etc.
At the time, it of course it probably wasn't something she intended to act on because realistically we were both minors under the thumbs of our parents. That would be reserved for when we're adults. We're still adults and she still talks about those things, and she's promised me several times by now she'll marry me. But anytime I'd ask about a wedding date it's complete silence.
Well, I've never dwelled on it I guess. After all, everybody does things at her own pace. She's probably just isn't ready yet. But it's clear she wants it just as much as me, or else she wouldn't be talking about it so much.
But I find myself just feeling more and more frustrated by our relationship. And it's got nothing to do with the marriage thing, despite the fact I really do want to get married. Rather it's that combined with the fact that she insists on having dates at HOTELS of all places. In my opinion, hotels are not dates. And it's only a bit disrespectful to insist to hang out at one when I have the money to take us somewhere nice.
But no, not even that was the straw that broke the hamels back. What really did it was when she lied to her friends about our relationship status, claiming we were FRIENDS. As if FRIENDS would do wny of the things we've done together ffs.
But now that I think about it, what really made me snap was really when I had just in passing, casually referred to her as my girlfriend while speaking with my friend, and she had DRAGGED me away from them to a nearby alleyway just to SHOUT at me for calling my girlfriend, MY GIRLFRIEND. Like what? What sense does that make? If you're not my girlfriend, then what are you? Because I know I don't do any of the things I've done with her with my friends so what should I call her then?
And honestly, it was then I realize that she really sees our relationship as something to be ashamed of, that she sees me as a secret to hide. And it really hurts because I would do ANYTHING for this girl and when I say anything, I mean anything. She is like, my endbeall. Without her, I honestly feel like I'd be nothing. I just can't see myself let alone, my life without her. I'm not even trying to be dramatic when I say I genuinely feel as though I'd be nothing without her. She's my everything. And so it's just so sad to think she doesn't feel the same way that I do. Even though all this time we've been talking about marriage for so long.
And she's always talking about her parents but like, she knows that so long as she said the word I would have a room prepared for her before you could even say New York. Like I would be so happy if she just moved in with me. I would gladly let her in a heartbeat.
And she can't even really say anything about it either because it's like, most other couples have already been living together past the 4, maybe 5 year mark. And in my opinion I'm pretty sure that 8 years is a long time to not be living together in lesbian years so I don't get the problem here.

to start off, i wouldn't consider myself a baby lesbian, though i am fairly inexperienced. i (24) have known i was interested in women and have pursued exclusively non-men for years, with a few short term flings here and there. things in the past didn't work out one way or another, distance was too great, schedules didn't work out, feelings were one sided. after years of engaging in comp-het and confusing myself with my sexuality, i've effectively been celibate for three years. i got pulled into that kind of stuff younger than i should have, so i have proceeded with more caution and intent when with women. i don't want to be like the predatory men who took advantage of me and my emotions when i was growing up. i wanted to take my time and jump into the world of sapphic love with someone i felt a strong connection with, not just a hookup.
all that to say, i have next to no experience with women and intimacy. my girlfriend (29) and i first met via bumble july 2023. things were great, good conversation, solid connection, and we kept in touch. things felt friendly. but to be real, i just thought she was too cool for me, that i would not be considered a potential partner. but we kept in touch. some health issues come up, and she has to leave the country for two months. during this time my feelings for her continued to grow, and i begun to realize just how much she meant to me, how much i missed her. she came back, things resolved, and we began dating exclusively not long after that.
it's been four months since making things official. i am trying to take things slow, follow her pace. i know she's had issues with past partners (men and women) taking advantage of her so the last thing i want to do is add to that fear or become another one of those shitty exes. we've discussed intimacy briefly, i'm the one bringing it up, and all she has really said boils down to "i'm nervous." that's fine, i won't push. but i guess four months in, with someone i'm obsessed with, who actually said "i love you" to ME, FIRST, i'm a little insecure. i hate bringing it up with her because i feel like a broken record. the closest we've gotten physically was some moderate kissing, for maybe a minute or two.
i've expressed apprehension talking about this closeness, mentioning that i'm afraid to even bring it up because i don't want to have her feel like i'm pressuring her. to that she replied "that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." so i get the impression that i jut should not talk about it, at all, because that's what she wants.
another important detail, i am non-binary and will be starting T and getting top surgery this summer. she knows. i've talked with my therapist about my desire for intimacy, and the want for that once i can finally occupy the body i feel most comfortable in.
besides the physical stuff, the relationship is great, good communication (on things that aren't sex related) and we make time for each other when we can. but if you are reading this, and have been through something similar, or can just offer a little advice on how to proceed, it would be greatly appreciated. i don't know how to approach these things in a way that conveys "i just want to love my girlfriend in every which way" without sounding like a dog or scaring her off. will probably delete this in a few days when the embarrassment gets to me.
TLDR: been with my girlfriend for 4 months, i feel ready to take the "next step", though after a few brief conversations i get the feeling she does not experience that same kind of desire.

chapters 1&2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
The lecture was supposed to be on Rationality 101, apparently not for Newcomers only. Serene was there to have her back but G was having a hard time focusing.
The boring black uniform more fitting for a hotel receptionist defaced the godlike beauty standing in front of a huge screen. Gentry couldn’t believe her eyes: this was the man she had her hands on a little while ago?
No, it couldn’t be.
It had been just an avatar, too perfect in its unblemished visage, too pure for this world. Yet the man whose face she remembered as if it was etched on the back of her eyelids, who she’d been constantly thinking about, who her hands itched to snatch, was standing right there, in the flesh.
Back in the dreamy simulated world she caught herself thinking that a trim waist like this couldn’t anatomically work on a human, yet here he was: a towering spread of fit shoulders perfectly balanced above the flexible whip of his midsection. The light-grey eyes that betrayed every movement of his pupils were as real as the ones that reflected the mock moon during her test. Below them lay the sharp slope of the cheekbones one could cut themselves on.
The only thing a bit different, apart from the outfit choice, was the young god’s hair. In the simulation, it was flowing and probably too long to be practical. This person’s mane was much shorter and fell down his neck in a neat ponytail, tastefully tamed with a single hairpin.
She had to get her hands on this treasure.
He was making last minute preparations for the lecture, looking through the papers on the desk, dark strands framing his face, light grey eyes sharp in careful concentration.
Professor Q, huh.
He said this was his name, and so did the note on the lecture hall door.
She was sure it was the man who had melted in her arms making the most delicious sounds a male throat could produce.
Had he recognised her?
Unlikely.
At the time of the simulation session, she didn’t have a camera that could pick up her facial features but just to be on the safe side, she decided to go by “G” in his class. There were bound to be lots of people with a name starting with a G, right? What would be the odds it was this particular newcomer that Q had tested that would end up in his class?
The man finally lifted his eyes at the audience and a gentle smile momentarily graced his features before disappearing as if he didn’t see someone he’d expected to.
The holoboard on the wall behind him obediently lit up following his nonchalant gesture. Gentry found it annoying that one needed a pair of special glasses to see all the augmented reality stuff and really navigate the city but again, with Sereen’s help she had more or less gotten used to it in the couple of days she had to deal with the necessities like settling down, getting food and finding her way around Ashtapada.
Still, could they use a piece of chalk or, at least, a marker to write on the board? No need to show off your Fully Automated Luxury Space Communism tech just to write a couple of notes on the board!
On second thought, high-tech-crazy or not, if this city brought up men like this one, she would definitely do her best to stay here to… reap the benefits!
They took a desk next to a huge clear floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked the winter garden.
“Professor Q seems a little distracted today,” Sereen said, swiftly tapping a couple of buttons on G’s wrist to show her how to confirm that she was attending the lecture. “He’s usually much more chatty and friendly. I wonder what got into him.”
“Is he?” Gentry responded with an artificial air of indifference. “I just hope he’s more open to a discussion than that Poe guy.”
“He is! And Professor Poe isn’t that bad,” Sereen reprimanded before chuckling a little — since his little secret became known to students, he became known as Holopoe. “Just wait and see, it’s gonna be a blast. Q’s lectures are always very engaging.”
It proved to be utter bullshit.
After fiddling with the symbols on the interactive screen for ten minutes into the class, students getting more and more agitated behind his back, the lecturer seemed to give up. Turning back to the audience, he absentmindedly nodded to a couple of people in the lecture hall and sighed with a painfully fake smile.
“For today’s class, we are going to need to read a certain extract from a book,” he said, tone apologetic for some reason, but it solidified G’s conviction that she already knew this person. “I’ve just sent it to each of your wristcomms. We’ll have some quiet time and read it by ourselves, alright?”
“Reading from the comm?” Sereen mumbled to herself. “Couldn’t he just print them out?”
The rest of the students’ grumbles showed that they shared her disappointment. Q could only hopelessly smile again before returning to his work on the board.
Reading from the little semi-transparent screens was indeed torture. Quickly giving up on trying to awkwardly use gestures for scrolling through the text, she looked out of the window to entertain herself with the garden outside. From the modest height they were sitting at, the people below were quite discernible, partly hidden by the greenery, spread here and there in small groups and pairs. Gentry longed to be there, too. What was the use of being here with the most attractive person in the whole world if the only thing she could see was his back?
Well, the back didn’t look half bad, if she was honest, and what was below also pleased the eye.
But still. It would soon bore even the most easily entertained.
Her gaze fell to a small clearing where a lone male figure was sitting, writing something in a notebook. By the looks of it, the notebook was a real paper-made thing without the bells and whistles usual for Ashtapada. The next thing G noticed was a pair of slender legs, barefoot, stretched to dip the toes into the clear water of the artificial stream.
God bless the urban designers of this place!
The figure lifted the head and in an inconceivably graceful motion, swung the long blond bangs away from the face.
G straightened her back. Was it... Ok, maybe Q was the most handsome man she’d seen in her life but this... This was the younger boy she’d noticed a couple of days back, the one in a plaid skirt, shamelessly flirting with everyone within reach. Today, he wasn’t wearing one but the blue jeans hugging his thighs, rolled up almost to the knees, presented a picture just as tantalizing. Even with the hair was a completely different colour, even though the half-up, half-down style kept his face hidden, she was absolutely certain it was the same person.
Just you wait, young beauty, as soon as this “lecture” was over, your princess in shining armour was coming to pick you up!
Suddenly snapping out of the dull weariness, she turned on the auglasses S helped her obtain earlier and tapped away on her comm screen.
What a chance to give the local text sharing feature a go!
“The garden is pretty, but with a blossom like you, it is truly breathtaking. I wonder if anyone has picked this sweet flower or if anyone dares to,” she typed a cheesy note and folded the message into a neat 3D figurine of an origami paper crane with her fingers in the air.
Was S watching? Screw it, even if she was, she couldn’t read the message with her glasses off, right?
Carefully aiming the device at the lone figure, she launched the crane downwards, and it fluttered like a weightless butterfly in spirals, through the glass and right into the young man’s lap, not disturbing the notebook pages. He started at first at the intrusion but then turned his own glasses on and unfolded the message. A shy smile appeared on his plump lips, and he looked flattered, turning his head around to see if the sender was in sight. Catching no one, he typed something below the initial message and deftly folded it back into a crane that, to G’s surprise, flew directly at her, in uneven spirals along the wall. The man traced it with a smile, propping himself back on his arms, his whole slim body and face on full display now.
God, was he good-looking.
Easily passing the physical border of the glass again, the crane crashed into Gentry’s wristcomm, dutifully delivering the message and betraying her tactical position at the same time. An amused kind of surprise showed on the young man’s face and he waved at her to show that she had been exposed. She waved back, trying to look nonchalant but probably failing miserably.
Very smooth, G, way to go.
The message read, “Is a flower only good for looking at? Not this one.”
Oooh, this boy was playing with fire!
“Hey, G,” Sereen nudged. “Have you finished reading?”
“Mm? Oh, yeah.” Gentry lied easily. She had skimmed the first couple of paragraphs and was sure she’d be able to come up with something if asked.
“Done everybody?” the deep gentle voice called from the holoboard and G’s attention snapped back to the dignified face.
The class murmured affirmatively.
“I’m sorry today’s lecture isn’t as fun as usual,” he admitted. “I must say I’m still unsure how to approach such complex topic as this one. But with your help, I hope we’ll figure it out.”
Everyone seemed to perk up.
“You just read an extract on paradoxes,” Q went on. “And you might be wondering why we are raising a philosophical topic on a rational thinking course.”
“There you go,” Sereen whispered. “He’s back to normal!”
G humphed. This did seem interesting. Was it a good idea to read the extract after all?
Q continued, “In the text, you might have encountered the definition of a paradox. Would anyone explain it with their own words?”
A raised hand and the lecturer’s nod brought some courageous soul to their feet.
“It’s when you start with the correct premises, use consistent logic but wind up with an impossible conclusion,” they said. “There are three types: falsidical, veridical and antimony-type, which are...”
“Correct,” Q smiled and nodded the person back down. It was a smile worth starting a thousand wars over.
“Now there’s a reason why I asked you to read about them. Why do you think people have been fascinated with paradoxes for such a long time?”
S raised her hand and received a kind invitation.
“I might be wrong,” she said. “But it seems that they point at the limitations of our thinking, things that seem rational but in fact aren’t. We feel that with our all-conquering logic we can solve any puzzle but it’s not always the case. Right?”
“This is very insightful,” the teacher confirmed. “It is believed by many that what’s rational is true and therefore what rationality cannot explain must be false.”
“I definitely know someone who would die on that hill,” Gentry grumbled under her breath.
“I’m sorry?” Q asked. “Is there something you wanted to add... sorry, I don’t know your name?”
Still half mad with professor Poe, Gentry stood up. “It’s G, I’m a Newcomer. I was saying how a human mind can fool itself into thinking it knows what it looks at as long as it makes sense. But in reality, it’s not there, like the sky.”
That was the only thing she remembered from that last lecture! She felt the tips of her ears heat up but the kind and considering look on Q’s face showed her gamble paid off.
“These are very insightful observations, G, why don’t we try exploring them together?” — he waived her to sit down and turned back to the class — “Five minutes to discuss how paradoxes might reveal the weaknesses of rational thinking. Send your answers to the board when you’re done.”
“Whoa, daring as usual,” Sereen smiled. “I knew you’d enjoy his class.”
“Now, consider these two questions,” Q said to another student who stood up at his hand wave. “If an unstoppable force meets an indestructible object, what is going to happen?”
The person seemed to contemplate it for a while and the teacher didn’t rush him.
“Isn’t it one of those which are impossible to solve because the existence of the one automatically disproves the existence of the other?”
Q nodded, “Correct. The second one about the barber in a small town is of the same sort. Sereen?”
S stood up too, “The one that shaves all and only men that don’t shave themselves?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “At first, a premise like this seems perfectly reasonable, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” S responded, somewhat rashly. “But it’s clear that a barber like this cannot exist.”
“Wait, really?” Gentry whispered as Q nodded in satisfaction and urged her friend to go on.
“Yes, if we ask ourselves if this barber shaves himself. If he doesn’t, then he is part of the group which he does shave that do not shave themselves, but if he is in this group, then he does shave himself which makes it impossible for him to be this barber by definition.”
While the rest of the class was catching up with the logic, Q’s smile got only wider, more inviting.
“What does it tell us about the nature of the premise then?” he asked.
“That although it seems that it sounds logical on the surface, it is in fact nonsense and we don’t even need to hear the rest of the riddle to discard it completely,” S concluded.
The man chuckled.
“Well, I wouldn’t be that brash, to be honest, but on balance, you’re right,” he said. “If you stay after the lecture, I might recommend a couple of books on the topic. Your Newcomer friend is welcome to stay, too.”
G put up the best of the aloof fronts, “I’d be happy to, Professor.”
“Q is fine,” he smiled again and went on addressing the rest of the class that immediately exploded into a heated discussion.
***
“Basically, what I think we’re supposed to learn from this,” S concluded after a while, standing up so that everyone could hear her. “Is that before applying rationality, we have to make sure that all the premises we are dealing with are in fact realistic. Otherwise, there is no way rational thinking will help us.”
“Excellently put, as always,” Q applauded. “I’d love to see if everyone agrees or has something else to add to the discussion but our time is up. Feel free to write me a letter with your reflections on the topic.”
As interesting as the class was, the urge to leave the premises as soon as the teacher dismissed everyone seemed to be universal and applicable even to the Ashtapadans.
“I have to go now,” Sereen said. “Text you later, ok?” And with a reciprocal nod to Q, disappeared in the doors, joining the rest of the students.
Sadly, she couldn’t recall what they were talking about after the lecture, nor what titles Professor recommended for some home reading. She just hoped she didn’t make a fool of herself.
What Gentry did remember though was that after Q left as well and she came up to the panoramic window, Sereen and the mysterious flower boy were leaving the garden together. And it was hard not to notice that her new friend took off her wristcomm before they took off, and hid it in the tall grass.

I'm fully aware that not all pro aborts are foaming at the mouth crazy. However the mentality stable ones NEVER stand up to the ones that act absolutely unhinged and if one does they get harassed and punished by other pro aborts who ALSO don't agree with it but won't go against it either. When one of us acts even close to the insane way quite a few pro aborts do we speak against it. Not protect it.
(I asked the following person if I could repeat this without names used and she said I could.)
My pro abortion friend* called out a ...certain... pro abort mod a year or 2 ago for their absolute psycho behavior that makes them ALL look bad because as a mod they hold a certain representative role for their movement. That all that mod is doing is giving the pro life side crazies ammo to use against the pro abortion movement by acting the way they do. (Pretty reasonable if you ask me) She got banned by them for "being pro life". After talking to another mod she got unbanned but was told she can't criticize mods. She never commented again on anything out of a small level of fear that she would say the wrong thing.
It makes me wonder how many other pro aborts hate their own sides behavior but are too scared to speak out against it. How many are actually rational people that we could find common ground with but are muzzled by their own movement?
*yes she calls herself pro abortion. She acknowledges the facts of what abortion is and does. She also acknowledges that calling their side pro abortion is grammatically factual. We've had many civil conversations about the topic which is surprisingly easy when facts aren't purposely ignored. She dislikes the crazies and the ignorance on her side just as much as we do.

I plan on visiting a contractor’s office tomorrow to let him see how it feels.
DISCLAIMER: I have taken the liberty to use substitute names for the people involved. As many have noted in the comments, the dialogue feels out of place and weirdly-spaced. I’ll admit things have been somewhat paraphrased and summarized. Please keep that in mind as you read.
I went into my local hardware store tonight for a quick trip to pick up some supplies I was running low on. Quick in and out trip, 15 minutes at most. Sad to say it didn’t end up being a fast trip because when I arrived at the paint counter, I was stuck behind a contractor who wanted to cause a scene.
The guy in front of me was with his colleague, and they were arguing loudly about which paint finish to choose. They had a substantial number of paint cans on the counter, including some expensive specialty paints. When the contractor got to the counter, he froze and began searching around for an associate, who I presume he wanted to come and mix the paint for him.
The problem was that he didn’t place any orders. He just locked up and stared directly at a young woman who was busy stocking shelves in the next aisle over. After about 30 - 45 seconds of not saying anything, he loudly shouted, “Hey, you!” in his most condescending tone, followed by “Can you come here and mix my damn paint already?!”
His tactic worked, as the employee in question immediately put down her items and walked over. He was doing that typical arms-crossed stance, looking like everything was a giant inconvenience, and I will note, the man still hadn’t specified any of the paints yet.
When this young woman was in speaking range, the contractor began to berate her. “It’s frustrating to see staff just standing around doing nothing when they should be helping customers. Can you do your job and mix my paint?”
“Excuse me?” she responded.
“You heard me. Get off your butt and mix my paint so I can get out of here.”
Now, I would like to note a few things about this interaction up to this point. First, this individual was still in a work uniform…a branded polo for a local contracting company that I won’t name here, but one in which I know the owner pretty well. He’s a family friend. Second, he was still wearing his name tag (Mark, somehow I hope you’re competent enough to find your way here so you can see this story). Because of this, I knew how to address him.
Eventually, he asked the associate very rudely if she’s going to mix his paint, and she flat out told him, “No, I don’t think so. Not after how you’ve treated me. You can talk with my manager.” Good for her. She got on a walkie and called for a manager to come to the paint counter the contractor was towering over and briskly walked off towards the Customer Service counter at the front of the store. The contractor starts loudly complaining about how this is all nonsense and he’s just expressing his rights.
It was at this point where I actually found some courage and decided to give my opinion, unsolicited, just so this guy could get an outside perspective on how much of a jerk he was being. “Excuse me, but your rights don’t protect you from looking like a jerk to random strangers in a hardware store when you treat other people like trash.” The man wheeled around and locked eyes with me. “What did you just say to me?” I just smirked and said, “Oh, hard of hearing are we? I’m pretty sure you heard what I said.”
The man visibly shook on the spot. “This isn’t any of your business, so butt out!”
“I disagree. When I see someone acting like a bully for no good reason, I make it a point to speak up. You seem to think that by claiming your rights, you can say whatever you want without consequence, but that isn’t how it works, sir. Your rights protect you from government overreach for speaking your mind, but they don’t protect you from the consequences you face from others for your words or your actions.”
“That’s beside the point. I’m sick and tired of these lazy workers doing nothing and getting paid for it.” He responded, rather loudly and unaware that there were quite a few people staring at this point. Hooray. Ignorance has entered the chat.
The manager showed up, and he starts in on how he ordered his paint and that the associate in question was VERY rude to him and refused to serve him. He started stating that she told him he wouldn’t get help because he was a contractor when I interjected again.
“Sir, that is NOT what happened. This gentleman didn’t place any orders and immediately started shouting at your employee, just for the sake of being upset. He was rude, unpleasant, and even made unnecessary comments.”
He wheeled around at me again and yelled, “Shut up and mind your business!” before going on his tirade again. Something about lazy workers, something about his rights and speaking his mind.
“You know, this is very unfair of you.” I started again. “You’ve put that poor girl in an unwinnable situation. Now that you’ve raised this untrue complaint, her manager is going to have to have words with her even though she hasn’t done anything wrong. Does that sound fair to you, Mark?” I don’t think he realized he was still in uniform, because he looked at me puzzled at how I knew his name. “How would YOU feel if someone came into your place of business and told your boss a bunch of lies about how YOU were treating them unfairly when you knew perfectly well that it was a lie? Or even better, how would your boss react if he knew you were acting like this WHILE STILL IN UNIFORM with his place of business plastered all over your chest?” When he heard me say the name of his boss, he stopped cold. “Yes Mark. I know your boss VERY well, and I think I might be paying him a visit tomorrow. That is unless you decide to apologize to that girl for being a lying prick instead.”
The guy then became very rushed and suddenly in a colossal hurry. He muttered something about people not minding their own business, to which I replied with, “I’m just eXpReSsInG mY RiGhTs!” Spongebob sarcastic voice and all. He finally placed his paint orders, and the manager oversaw the mixing. His colleague started in about how I better not show up to his office tomorrow…something directed at me, but I wasn’t paying him any attention and brushed him off. I was just staring at Mark and watching him pack up his paint.
Eventually, he got all of his paint cans into his cart and he marched out, but he didn’t apologize to the manager or the employee and gave me a hearty, “Go fuck yourself, asshole!” as he flipped me off. I scanned my items and paid for my supplies, but man, was I smiling from ear to ear.
Afterwards, I made it a point to go and speak with the manager and the employee in the Customer Service center. As expected, the manager was having a conversation with the employee about that customer, and she thanked me for speaking up. I’ve worked retail before, so I know what it’s like having to deal with jerks like Mark. It’d be a cold day in hell before I let a contractor bully an employee then weasel his way into a victim role with management. Not on my watch.
So now my next play is to show up to this contracting office tomorrow. I really hope Mark is there. I hope he’s the opener. I’m going to walk in and just smile at him. Ask to see his manager. Then I think I’m going to go in and just weave the NICEST story about how he treated the employees at the hardware store, so much so that I was compelled to stop in and tell his boss that he has a real winner on his hands, and that I’m a customer for life now.
Maybe that way, he might get a message. MAYBE, he will realise that I could have started a whole shitstorm for him, but I chose not to, because unlike him, I’m not a jerk.
tl;dr (For the upset contractors in this thread who don’t like reading, it seems): Contractor got big mad for no reason and berated a hardware store employee while he himself was wearing his work uniform. I’ll be paying his boss, a family friend, a visit tomorrow to discuss his employee’s behaviour while still representing his place of work.

I originally thought I would become a veterinarian but due to how much the program cost I decided not to go into the field. I recently graduated from WSU with bachelor's in science, majoring in animal science with a track in pre-vet. I did some research and found interest in becoming a radiation therapist. Currently im taking classes at my local community college to get my pre-reqs done. I'm looking into the program at Bellevue college but worry that i may get rejected. Does anyone have experience with the Bellevue college program. If so what traits made you a good candidate or is there any specific experience they are looking for?

I understand that due to there being differences depending on what card you pull and how many you win the answer will differ, but I was wondering if anyone has an approximate answer?
I really love the suits as they give me dungeon Manhwa vibes, however I don't want to attempt to get the suits (or even the the first suit as I'm not as dust about the second) without an idea on how much it will cost me.
So if anyone out there with a better understanding of probability and maths could give me a hand I'd greatly appreciate it!

Below is my recent exchange with my landlord. A short explanation of the scenario is that I moved my family into this duplex rental on the first of the year. The intent is to help the Landlord (LL) and be his "property manager" to flip this property. For reduced rent. (500$) Only thing we have is lease and a verbal agreement for help. 3 months after moving in and little progress is made. He moves to FL and puts the house up for sell. The issues with the house are piling up. Mold, broken locks, windows, sinking floors, etc. I I not have work orders or anything set up with LL. Just a list of issues getting worse. What are my actions? Is he threatening to have the house condemned because of cost of issues?
Renter: The enamel on our bathtub is coming off so quickly it's clogging our bathtub almost daily. Also the lines running to the sink have so much moisture coming off of it we can't store anything under the sink. Also it's got mold starting on some of the wall under it. I'm just letting you know man
LL: Can you fix these things? I appreciate you letting me know but property maintenance was the reason for reducing the rent otherwise I would have charged $600-$650 for you guys or $700-$750 for someone else
Renter: Alright, every message from here out is official. I will send you an itemized list of both of your tenants needs and complaints. This will calculate in cost for materials and compensation for travel and I'll receive no material compensation. The list will range from most severe to least. Dates for est completion may be included. I'll mark priority all this that Breech NY Habilitaty and Repair laws
LL: That would be fantastic I appreciate it man go at your own pace of course I know you work 6 days a week so I have no problems being patient with things being completed
LL: Also I do understand to a certain extent the condition of the property and how some things may not lot good on my part I am still trying to sell it because I don't have the money to keep putting into to fix some these things not saying the property should or can be condemned but I was smart enough to know not to put my life savings into a 200 year old property without loss of rental income insurance so if anything comes up like that I'm given $2,210 a month for up to 24 months or whenever proper rental conditions are restored
tldr; property owner moved out of state with duplex for sale. Maintaince issues are piling up

We had a meeting with our TAM today and he was unfortunately unable to provide the figures. My company has fallen out with VMware like many others, so our usual quoting channels are closed at the minute but I still need to put some figures into my budget for next year. So does anyone know how much the 16 core VCF license roughly costs?

Hello, I am 19 years old and i have a sister that is 10 years younger than me (9 years old). I've been worried about what she watches for a while and the impact it has on her. I can't remember when exactly it was but maybe like a year ago my dad gave my sister her own phone (before she could only borrow his phone). Since that happened she got addicted to yt shorts. I can see the negative impact it has on her, an example: I've tried watching some anime with her, specially to try and make her watch some show with a story and not the brainless yt stuff and it gets some intrest from her. When we started doing it we could watch even 10 episodes of it in a row and she would be fairly invested, since then she can now only watch 2-3 episodes before she claims that she is bored and runs off and she fidgets a lot when watching. She has been getting more and more rude towards me and my father as well as any family we may visit. She also watches stuff on a computer, she has been doing it for a long time, unfortunetly she was the watcher of that brain dead elsa spiderman garbage and my dad just played it because he found it funny. nowadays she doesn't watch that stuff anymore but she just watches diffrent types of brain rot with shitty influancer types. She seems to be very behind in school stuff, she still can't read much, she can only do it very slowly and with errors, not enough to watch something with subtitles for example. At her age i was able to read full books already, she is also behind in other subjects and has a dismissive attitude towards learning claiming that she doesn't need it. She also claims that she doesn't like books. My dad hasn't been pushing her to do any reading or anything.
Recently when my family gathered for easter, me and some other family talked to him about why short type content like yt shorts is harmful and I think that he kinda got it? He said that he will look into it and block it but he keeps delaying it. He generally spoils my sister a lot buying her often unhealthy food.
I want to try and do something about my sister's brain rot. The problem is that my dad keeps putting off blocking youtube on her phone over and over again. Like any time that I try to tell him to do it he claims that he is busy and puts it off. The part that annoys me is that the things that he is busy with are often much less in priority like taking care of the garden behind the house which I completely don't care about. Shouldn't taking care of your child and family be more important than some stupid garden work?
I also tried to tell him to block youtube or at least set some time limit for youtube on the computer. I started searching around on that computer about the methods to do that and testing out some browser extensions but when i started doing that he started telling me to go off and telling me to not block normal youtube for her because "she likes it" and claiming that she doesn't just watch brain rot (I've looked at the stuff she watched and I never saw her watching anything decent and I am pretty sure that my dad just doesn't pay attention to what she watches more than giving it a 1 second glance). He pretty much said without saying it that I can't block it because when she watches it, she shuts up and he doesn't have to deal with her.
Here's the thing, do you have any ideas on what I should do to convince him to do those things? I am pretty sure that he just doesn't know how and why that stuff is harmful. because he is of an older generation. Here are two problems: my dad has a tunnel attention span. Basically if he does one thing, he can't focus at all on another one and barely listens to anything and tells you to go off until he finishes it. The other one is that he almost always claims to be busy and it's hard to make him do something. That's why I can't see being able to have him sit down to watch some video explaining the whole thing. Do you have any ideas?

WWYD, Hello all, this is my first post in here so bear with me as it might be long and very detailed. My ex-husband and I have three kids together. I am currently in a relationship and have been for a few years. We live together and it’s a completely different relationship that I’ve ever had. There’s been a lot of me giving in as i did during my marriage. I was a severe people pleaser all my life, caving in to more than i ever should have to too many people. This year has been the first year that I really have stood up for myself when it has come to anyone in my life. It took me 5 years to leave my ex-husband. Our whole relationship was rocky. We, of course did have good times. My parents were split up when i was 3 and they both also had rocky relationships after. Along with that , my dad chose when to be present in my life. Due to all that, I was very committed even though even before our marriage, many people told me to break up with him. We had our first child, two years before we got married. Fast forward to Marriage, 3 kids total, and were currently in marriage counseling. I had already had one foot out the door. One of my breaking points during marriage counseling is him lying to our counselor. That was basically the end of the road for me. My kids were suffering and saw everything going on and it was just time for me to strengthen up. Divorce starts and that was hard enough. I’ll save the headache on that one. He took nothing, but his clothes and he signs a dissolution of divorce because he wanted nothing more to do with me. We figure out custody of the kids, I did not file for child support as i agreed not to due to the amount of money he was making. Due to me having epilepsy and not having my license, He would pick up and drop off the kids at my house. I really tried to have a nice coparenting relationship, caved over so many things and so much more. Fast forward so much has happened between then and now. Everywhere from my kids have been in therapy due to issues that have been caused by him, them being scared at the first place he lived, and so much more. My number one thing I have done is severely work on myself, so much so that after he split, I was able to get my license for the first time in my life at the ripe age of 34. Now, I’ve had my issues too, i am definitely not perfect. I met my boyfriend randomly the same time during my separation and divorce, waited 6 months for my kids to meet him. When my ex found out about him, sometime even before then, my ex would cause issues at pick up and drop off including to using his car to kick up dust on my boyfriends car, stalk my house when he would go out of the way to drive by it at midnight when he didn’t have the kids. Made racist and rude, sexual comments in front of the kids. I caved so much, so much more than I should have. I went to file child support, he gets the papers in the mail, begs me to stop it, so i do. Child custody, same thing. Wow, I didn’t know i would be typing this long, lol, but I have been meaning to post in here ever since I found this group and this seriously feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders since I’m finally posting. I update him on everything about the kids even though each teacher have communication apps and he gets them on Tuesday until 5. He doesn’t have our kids do their homework so they have to do it when they get home, I still do everything for them, of course he used to have to take them to all their appointments, I do give him that when it came to our oldest, he took so much pride in being her dad, but also turned her against me when she was 3, he also does take our youngest to speech. He isn’t in the best financial situation, hell none of us are these days, so I’m really trying to not file child support or child custody, but im at the point where having everything through the courts is going to make everything just ease some anxiety, I can’t be around him without shaking. We’ve been doing better at drop offs and pick ups, we meet half way now, he pays me once a week, a total of 600 a month. I struggle financially. I get less than 1200 on SSDI. Now, My kids absolutely love my boyfriend, he lives with us now. My oldest want to call him dad, but knows her siblings will tell their dad. When I ask him about Child support, He will tell me to have my boyfriend help me pay for things, which when it comes to house bills, he does help, when it comes to the kids though, I really try to make sure I can cover everything. Unless, it’s something at his house, I pay for everything even school items. But the clincher here is, he wants my boyfriend to do nothing with our kids and frankly, i am tired of hearing it. My boyfriend really wanted to try to patch things up with him ( he expressed it would be nice that we all could come together for the kids) since years have gone by, but my ex stated, “I don’t trust you with the kids, and I trust him less.” My boyfriend is really involved in the kids life, including school, but when it comes to school visits for things, he doesn’t go to avoid unnecessary drama. We went to my oldest’s band concert, it was a Tuesday so he had them, I had picked up my daughter to take her to band after she was picked up by him. She called me, he was yelling at her on the phone, cursing at her, after he cursed at her in front of her teacher just minutes before . This was after the 3rd time being over 20 minutes - 1 hour late to pick up our kids. One day he forgot about them. So band concert, My 2nd child wanted to come sit with my boyfriend and I my 3rd stayed with dad. My second has ADHD and OCD and her anxiety is very stressful for her. He told her, “if you go sit with your mom, you have to stay with her.” Well, while that might have been the best idea, although, she has done it all the time with each concert, she started breaking down crying and shaking in anxiety because her dad told her that and she missed her dad and wanted to go sit with him. He just kept staring over at us until our daughter played. When done, never asked why she was crying or if she was okay. Kind of just ignored her which again broke down in the car on the way home. She is extremely sensitive that even though there’s issues with dad, she tries to see past it because she does love him, as do all my kids. My oldest states that she doesn’t want to shorten the days because she’s scared of what he will do or take it out on them. There’s days she doesn’t want to go because how he acts sometimes. Things she expresses to me, she no longer wants me to address to her dad because he has yelled at me in front of the kids at pick up or drop off when addressed, he will completely lie through text or phone calls. She tells me that no matter what she will go to protect her siblings. Unfortunately, I feel the same way. I fear he will cause issues all over again. Thank you for the long read. I really do appreciate it. I apologize for the grammatical errors lol 😂
​
Also, the day he yelled at our child the day of her band concert, I asked if he apologized and she said nope. He did although say,
Ex: I apologize
DD: for what?
Ex: for being a bad ass dad. *face palm*

The Reality of Housing and Utility Costs: Why Estimated Budgets Fall Short Across Different Income Levels

The discussion around housing affordability is increasingly relevant as home prices and utility costs continue to rise, especially near major metropolitan areas. Let's dive into a detailed comparison of estimated and true budgets for individuals earning the federal minimum wage, median income, and average income, and see how they fare in terms of affording housing and utilities close to major cities. This comparison will highlight why these budgets often fall short.

Budget Analysis

Federal Minimum Wage Scenario:

• Federal Minimum Wage: $7.25 per hour
• Annual Income: $15,080
• After-Tax Income: $13,572 annually ($1,131 monthly)

Estimated Monthly Budget: - Housing: $400 - Utilities: $100 - Food: $300 - Transportation: $100 - Healthcare: $50 - Debt Payments: $50 - Savings and Investments: $50 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $81
Estimated Total Monthly Expenses: $1,131
True Monthly Budget: - Housing: $400 (Shared housing or low-cost rentals) - Utilities: $367 - Food: $416 (national average) - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $300
True Total Monthly Expenses: $3,083
Shortfall: $1,952 per month

Median Income Scenario:

• Median Annual Income: $74,580
• After-Tax Income: $55,935 annually ($4,661 monthly)

Estimated Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,400 - Utilities: $200 - Food: $600 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $861
Estimated Total Monthly Expenses: $4,661
True Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,919 (average mortgage for a $400,000 home) - Utilities: $367 - Food: $416 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $300
True Total Monthly Expenses: $4,602

Average Income Scenario:

• Average Annual Income: $69,392
• After-Tax Income: $52,044 annually ($4,337 monthly)

Estimated Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,300 - Utilities: $200 - Food: $600 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $637
Estimated Total Monthly Expenses: $4,337
True Monthly Budget: - Housing: $1,919 (average mortgage for a $400,000 home) - Utilities: $367 - Food: $416 - Transportation: $400 - Healthcare: $400 - Debt Payments: $400 - Savings and Investments: $400 - Entertainment and Miscellaneous: $300
True Total Monthly Expenses: $4,602

Housing Prices in Major Cities

Here are the average home prices and their impact on affordability in some major cities:

1. New York, NY (Queens):
   
   • Average Home Price: $1,091,100
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $5,795
2. San Francisco, CA:
   
   • Average Home Price: $1,515,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $6,320
3. Seattle, WA:
   
   • Average Home Price: $800,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $3,579
4. Los Angeles, CA:
   
   • Average Home Price: $900,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $3,840
5. Austin, TX:
   
   • Average Home Price: $575,000
   • Typical Monthly Mortgage: $2,450

Additional Cost Increases: Food, Gas, and Car Prices

1. Food Prices: - Food prices in the U.S. have increased significantly, with the average cost of groceries being $416 per person per month (https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-much-to-spend-on-groceries).
2. Gas Prices: - Gas prices have been volatile, with significant increases due to global events and supply chain disruptions. The average cost of gasoline is now around $3.50 per gallon, up from pre-pandemic levels.
3. Car Prices: - The cost of new and used cars has surged due to supply chain issues and increased demand. New car prices have increased by approximately 12% over the past year, while used car prices have seen even larger increases.

Inflation and Price Gouging

Inflation Impact: - Overall inflation has driven up the cost of living, impacting housing, utilities, food, and transportation. The Consumer Price Index (CPI) shows a significant rise in prices across all major categories.
Price Gouging: - During periods of high demand and low supply, some businesses have engaged in price gouging, further exacerbating the financial strain on consumers.

Taxation of a Dollar

When discussing the taxation process, it’s important to understand how many times a dollar is taxed before it is effectively reduced to zero through successive transactions.
1. How a Dollar is Taxed: - Initial Income Tax: Assume a marginal tax rate of 25%. From $1 earned, 25 cents goes to taxes, leaving 75 cents. - Subsequent Spending and Sales Tax: When the 75 cents is spent, assume a sales tax rate of 10%. This deducts 7.5 cents, leaving 67.5 cents. - Cycle of Transactions: This process repeats with each transaction. Each time the money changes hands, it is subject to additional taxation (income tax, sales tax, etc.).
2. How Many Times a Dollar Changes Hands: - Mathematical Model: The dollar's value after each transaction is ( Vn = V{n-1} \times (1 - t) ), where ( V ) is the value and ( t ) is the combined tax rate. - Effective Tax Rate: Assuming a combined effective tax rate of 35% (including various forms of taxation), we can calculate how many times a dollar changes hands before it is effectively reduced to zero. - Calculation: Using the formula ( V_n = V_0 \times (1 - t)ⁿ ), where ( V_0 ) is the initial dollar and solving for when ( V_n \approx 0 ): - If ( t = 0.35 ), then ( V_n = 1 \times (0.65)ⁿ ). - Solving for ( n ) when ( V_n \approx 0 ) (practically considered close to zero when it is less than 1 cent), we find that it takes approximately 10-12 transactions for the dollar to be effectively taxed to zero.

Why Budgets Don't Make Sense

Minimum Wage Earner: - The true total monthly expenses for a minimum wage earner exceed their after-tax income by $1,952. Even with shared housing and minimal expenses, they cannot afford basic living costs without significant financial assistance or multiple jobs.
Median Income Earner: - While the estimated and true budgets balance, they do not leave much room for unexpected expenses or significant savings. Housing and utility costs consume a significant portion of the income, limiting financial flexibility.
Average Income Earner: - Similar to median income earners, the estimated and true budgets balance but are very tight. High housing and utility costs significantly constrain the ability to save or spend on discretionary items.

Conclusion

Comparing these budgets highlights the stark differences in financial flexibility between minimum wage earners and those earning median or average incomes. Minimum wage earners face significant challenges in meeting basic living expenses, particularly housing and utilities. Even median and average income earners experience tight budgets when purchasing homes near major cities. Addressing housing affordability requires a multifaceted approach, including policy interventions, financial support, and increased wages to ensure financial stability and quality of life for all income groups.
Sources: - National Association of Realtors (https://www.nar.realtor) - Kiplinger (https://www.kiplinger.com) - Redfin (https://www.redfin.com) - Harvard Joint Center for Housing Studies (https://www.jchs.harvard.edu) - MIT Living Wage Calculator (https://livingwage.mit.edu) - U.S. Census Bureau (https://www.census.gov) - Bureau of Labor Statistics (https://www.bls.gov) - Move.org (https://www.move.org) - HomeGuide (https://www.homeguide.com) - Food and Agricultural Organization (https://www.fao.org) - NerdWallet (https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-much-to-spend-on-groceries)
This comprehensive analysis provides a solid foundation for discussing housing affordability and financial challenges across different income levels. Let’s discuss