Coffee drink menu

Introduction I have been looking all over the internet for the past 3 months. Watched every video. Read every forum. All because I want to buy a high-end home espresso setup. I want it to be my endgame - just so that I do not have to worry about upgrades the coming years.
The journey started because I have amazing coffee at work and I hate my Nespresso at home. We finally have some budget to upgrade our home setup. We're just with the two of us, but love hosting dinners occasionally. Milk drinks are a big yes! Would love to switch to other beans every month or so.
The machine I'm certain of the one I would like to order. A stainless steel La Marzocco Linea Micra. Dual boiler, PID, quick-heat up, timeless design and well build. I'm also be able to setup on and off schedules via the app. I might be biased, because we have a La Marzocco Linea PB - 2 group at work.. but the heart wants what it wants.
I do miss the brew by weight function that the Linea Mini has (with an additional €400 scale) but that is just nonsens. I can flip the switch myself for that amount of money.
The grinder But.. I cannot decide on the grinder. Since I found out grind-by-weight (GBW) grinders are a thing now I'm intrigued. That would make dialing in espresso's a bit quicker and the overal consistency would be perfect. No need to weight the portafilter anymore. So I'm debating between to GBW models;
1. Fiorenzato AllGround Sense (64mm) - €1100 - 250 watt - 1600 RPM - Cheaper - Nice tactile ring that communicates with the screen - Looks cool in the newest blue colour
2. Eureka Atom W 65 GRINDER (65mm) - €1400 - 280 watt - 1370 RPM - Seems to be the quietest grinder by some patented cool stuff - Established brand for a long time - Not that fun to look at
The accessoires I think I do need a fancy Normcore Spring Loaded Tamper V4 with Ripple Base?
The questions.. But.. Is a lot of money. So now I'm sitting here writing this post for advice and to help me make a choice before I spend. I might need some encouragement, I can postpone this endlessly because there is always something better of more bang for the buck somewhere else.

• Do you have experience with your Linea Mini, how many years does it last if it is well maintained?
• Do you gave experience with the brands for the grinder I mentioned? What would be your pick? Any others that I missed?
• And which accessories did I forget?

Thanks in advance!

Now that I'm on meds, I won't drink because of the negative effects of mixing the meds with alcohol. I also know that I would very much enjoy heavy stimulants (coke, meth), so I avoid those entirely for safety reasons. Also, the increasingly large probability of fentanyl contamination helps in keeping me away from those illegal stimulants.
The only psychoactive substances I consume are my meds and caffeine (2 cups of coffee daily).
I am extremely adamant about my sobriety. I don't know if it's an obsessive autistic thing or what, but I take it very very seriously.

I made tomato soup in small pot and eat it Saturday. Just Campbell's tomato soup one can. Pot is 1,4 quarts. I filled it with water up to 1" high. Some residue of tomato soup are there. Than Sunday in same pot without cleaning I warmed up milk about 1 cup for coffee. Again didn't clean residue, there is now milk and tomato soup residue there but filled with water again pot up to 1". At Monday I did same warmed 1 cup of milk. Now at job site 2-3 hours later I felt like will fall down. I didn't feel like vomit or any pain, just felt some dizziness and weakness. Did I poisoned itself? Do I need to clean residues or is enough to cover it with water. Felt bad for probably 4-5 hours approximately 2 hours after drinking that coffee with that milk from pot.

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله
Any good coffee shops in An-Nakhil district that are cheap? I drink both Arabic coffee and western-style coffee.
شكرا جزيلا

So we're new friends and you've been invited over to our house for a social visit. You know that we're "intense" but you haven't really caught on to what extent. "Obsessed" hasn't even entered your mind. Finnian and your partner are chatting in another room and you and I are getting some tea or coffee for all of us. I prepare everything essentially the same and we get ready to serve except I add the tiniest pinch of a sweet spice blend into Finnian's cup and not anyone else's. I'm not hiding it but I'm discreet. You notice and shake it off. You offer to take the cups in to where the others are and I accept. Except I take Finnian's cup from you and give you someone else's because I serve him. You think it's strange but don't say anything. We get to the others and I specifically hand him his cup or I pour and prepare and hand him his cup. As everyone else is served you take note that we all have the same except Finnian's cup has the slightest little bits of spice dissolving. As he presses his lips to the cup and sips I see that you are watching this and then you see I'm watching you and smiling at you. "Tell me more about what you were saying..." I interrupt your thoughts.
Don't misunderstand me, I'll be open if you ask. I'll even offer you something similar, just not from his blend. I serve him, though. I have even interrupted my parents or in-laws to serve him. He can refuse any time, from me, you, whom ever. It's just what I do to him. I touch what passes between especially if it has to do with food or beverage. You don't understand fully, friend, I have a small spice container in my purse for when we go out to a restaurant or for a beverage. Nothing is hidden and he knows and he lets me. I'm sure I look controlling or obsequious but do you think I care?
This is one of my romantic expressions and it actually began in the first week of our relationship but slightly different. The flirt I was doing was mixing up glasses. After kissing him I found that I have a "thing" for his "taste." There is no other way I can put it but I like it. It seems that we can only talk about "wet kisses" but never talk about swapping spit. So what does this have to do with dinner? I simply wanted to drink and eat after him and he me. This is an absorption fetish thing. --- It was a simple thing to do. The waitress gave us water glasses. I drank some water leaving a subtle lipstick mark on my glass and while he was talking I would take a sip of his water leaving subtle lipstick mark on his glass. This is easy to do if you "play" with the glasses in between sips by moving them around. Not in some bold fashion but gently moving them, playing, fidgeting. Eventually they are shared glasses. --- Did he notice? Yes. The waitress noticed too and tried to get him a new glass. When he actually told her it wasn't necessary it excited me and something was engraved in our lifestyle. I don't want to get offensive but I was being bold but light as well. Now, this sharing is second nature to us and has even lost its edge. - excerpt from previous IRL story
Now I've elevated this to a whole new level.
Next time, Periwinkle and her friends...
for Part 1 of series

I sit alone in my room on the seventh floor, writing what will surely be my last will and testament. The heroin which allowed me to forget and to sleep for the last couple of years has lost its power to keep the screaming terrors away. The drug destroyed my body and mind, gradually eating away at them like a corrosive acid. Now I have become a slave to it. And yet, without it, I do not sleep for weeks, but instead continuously see the scenes from that terrible night running through my head on repeat as worsening waves of madness crash on the shores of my consciousness.
In the caverns under the town of Frost Hollow, I found the meaning of true madness. Ever since I escaped that den of horrors, it is difficult to tell what is real and what is only the feverish delirium of an unhinged mind.
Even now, they wait behind the door to this cheap, bare rented room. They drag their claws over the wood. I hear them hissing in that strange, ancient tongue, the one I first heard in the tombs of rock that had been undisturbed for countless millennia.
***
I had first heard rumors of an unexplored cavern from my friend, an experienced caver named Sonia who had explored caverns all over the world. I had been looking for some excitement in my life, some break from the constant monotony and boredom of simply working and sleeping. I had gone caving quite a few times over the year leading up to the trip, but I was not nearly as experienced and had never explored a supposedly virgin passageway of cavern before.
“How do you know no one’s gone down there?” I asked, curious. We sat across from each other at a local diner, getting some early breakfast before our planned descent. The sunrise was still another half-hour away, the sky flat and dark. We would be joined by Sonia’s husband, Phil, who would meet us there shortly after sunrise. I repressed an urge to yawn, chugging half of the steaming hot coffee in one long swallow. Sonia leaned close to me, her nearly colorless blue eyes reminding me of chunks of ice floating down a muddy stream.
“Phil’s friend just found it randomly,” she whispered before glancing around conspiratorially, as if she feared someone would care enough to eavesdrop on a conversation about a cave. “Well, it’s in the middle of a farm, and Phil’s friend, Jack Graysole, owns the entire property and surrounding woods. Jack says he noticed the cows kept going over to a certain spot in the field when it got really hot during the summertime. They would all gather around this little indentation in the grass. After seeing it a few times, Jack got curious and went to investigate what the cows were doing.
“He found a small hole in the ground, almost entirely covered by weeds and grass. He said he felt a cool breeze constantly blowing out of the hole, a breeze that smelled like burning matches and charred metal. After bringing out some shovels and digging down a couple feet, Jack realized that the hole wasn’t a hole at all, but the beginning of a steep passageway leading deep into the bowels of the earth.”
***
The owner of the land decided to unofficially call the newly-discovered cavern Graysole Caverns. Out of respect for him, this is also the name we all used. This is the story of how I found myself in the bowels of a strange subterranean tunnel, a tunnel where creatures beyond my comprehension slunk and hunted, skittering monstrosities who would be more at home in a nightmare.
After grabbing a couple coffees to take with us, Sonia drove over to Graysole Farms. Cows stood out in the grassy fields, huddled in tight circles as they repetitively chewed. The thin silhouette of Jack Graysole waited for us next to the herd. He had a face like a raisin, I thought to myself. I watched his thin, shaking body standing in the middle of an overgrown grassy field. Jack stared down blankly at something only he could see. Sonia and I started unloading some equipment from the car while we waited for Phil.
Once we had the backpacks loaded with some simple supplies, such as water, food, headlamps, rope, a couple extra batteries, some buck knives, and radios, we headed over to accompany Jack. We weren’t taking much, as we didn’t really expect to be down there for more than six or seven hours at the most.
Jack Graysole’s withered old face was as slack and expressionless as that of a corpse. He stared down at the ground as if he were in a trance, waving back and forth slowly on his feet like a plant in a light breeze.
“Jack?” Sonia called out as we approached. I could hear the man’s teeth chattering as we got nearer.
“Hey, what are you doing over here this early? You interested in accompanying us down there?” Sonia joked. But Jack might as well have been totally deaf for all the reaction he gave. Sonia glanced over at me with an anxious expression. I wondered if the old man was having a stroke.
I quickly walked over to where he stood, staring down at a black circular hole about three feet across directly in front of his feet. The entrance to Graysole Caverns stared up at us like a sightless pupil. As I drew within a few feet of Jack and looked straight into his blank eyes, I noticed something alarming.
His pupils were quickly dilating and constricting before my eyes. They would shrink to tiny pinpoints, then, a couple seconds later, rapidly expand until they became dark and serious. I could see his thready, rapid heartbeat pulsating in a vein on the side of his temple. Alarmed, I reached forward and put my hand on his shoulder.
Instantly, he came to life, like a man waking up from a nightmare. Shrieking, he looked at me with fully dilated pupils, reminding me of a panicked deer surrounded by wolves. His quavering old man’s voice shook with ineffable existential horror and mortal fear.
He took a step back away from us, seeming to realize where he was and what he was doing. He looked around, confused, then straight at me and Sonia. His eyes focused with anger and fear, as if we were demons here to drag him down to Hell. His eyes flicked back and forth between us constantly. Jack raised a trembling hand and pointed it straight at my heart.
“It’s you,” he said, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. His teeth chattered despite the warm spring air. His skin looked deathly pale. “You’re the one who will bring an end to humanity, who will release the ruler of nightmares upon us.” He continued to point accusingly for a long moment at me, his face turning chalk-white. Then his eyes rolled up in his head. Slowly, he stumbled and fell backwards onto the soft grass of the field.
“Jack!” Sonia cried, running over to the old man. Jack’s breaths had started to come in slow, drawn-out gurgles, like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. Frothy blood bubbled from his lips as they turned blue. Staring up at the endless expanse of cloudless sky, he exhaled one last shuddering breath and died.
***
Phil showed up only a couple minutes later. He found me and Sonia in a state of utter panic, both of us bent double over the still body of Jack. Sonia was on the phone with 911, and I was trying to give Jack chest compressions. The way his fingernails and lips shone with that cyanotic blue cast made me feel sick and weak. I knew it was futile, that I was simply playing with a corpse at this point, but I didn’t know what else to do. I felt if I didn’t do something, I might explode.
I heard the faint wailing of sirens approaching as Sonia’s panicked voice continued babbling to the 911 operator. Phil stood by her side, his tall, dark features searching and lost.
“Oh God, I think he’s dead!” Sonia cried over and over to the operator, as if she thought the operator could do anything about it. I didn’t hear what the operator said in response. As the ambulance pulled in, I gave up on chest compressions. I stood up and took a step back, looking sadly down on the kindly old man’s dead body.
The paramedics ran over. Phil, Sonia and I stood back while they worked on the corpse, trying to shock the heart back into life. But Jack’s open eyes stayed glazed as they stared sightlessly up into eternity.
***
The paramedics left. A couple police officers stayed behind to ask us a few routine questions. Eventually, after an hour or so, they left, too.
“What a fucked-up day,” Phil said, shaking his head grimly. “Do you guys still want to do this? Maybe it’s an omen from God telling us to go home.” Sonia and I exchanged a glance, then we both nodded at the same time.
“Definitely,” she said. “It’s sad what happened to Jack, but realistically, we don’t know what’s going to happen to this property now that he’s passed away. It might get sold or taken by the bank for all we know. This could be our one and only chance to explore this cave.”
“I don’t believe in omens. I’m still down,” I said, feeling slightly sick from the experience. I still remembered how Jack’s body had cracked under the weight of my chest compressions, how his ribs had snapped like bones shattering in greedy hands. “We’ll do it in memory of Jack. I plan to put this up on YouTube.” I pulled my GoPro out of my bag, turning it on. Phil groaned at that.
“Do we have any idea how far down this cave goes?” Phil asked. I felt a sense of relief now that the topic had changed from the death of the old man.
“I sent a little camera down on a rope, but it only went about a hundred feet,” Sonia responded. “It’s pretty steep at first, then it levels out. I couldn’t really see much after it leveled out, but it looks like it should be easy to climb down. There’s plenty of handholds, lots of jutting rocks.”
Phil put on his headlamp and small pack. As he crawled down into the hole, his tanned face looked up at us and gave us one last devilish grin. Once he had gone down a few dozen feet, Sonia started descending. She looked excited and happy. I noticed how she couldn’t stop smiling as she disappeared from view.
I watched their lights grow smaller and dimmer in the circular tunnel. I marveled at how perfectly circular the entrance was. It almost didn’t even look natural.
Taking a deep breath in, I followed my friends down into the dark.
***
“This isn’t too bad,” I said as I climbed down. The jutting rocks gave plenty of handholds and footholds for us. It wasn’t so tight that it felt like a coffin, either.
“It only gets easier from here!” Sonia called up.
“How do you know?” I asked. “You said you’ve never been here before.” She laughed.
“I know. Probably just wishful thinking,” she said. Far below us, Jack’s voice drifted up, faint and weak. He had already reached the bottom.
“The tunnel really opens up down here, guys,” he called. “It’s somewhat… bizarre, though.”
“What do you mean by that?” Sonia asked. I looked down, seeing Sonia and I would reach the bottom in seconds. “Forget it, I’ll let it be a surprise.” I heard her drop down. Slowly and carefully, I lowered myself down the last few feet. There was a short fall onto a smooth granite floor. I looked up, seeing what Phil and Sonia were so mesmerized by.
“Oh, wow,” I said, speechless. I blinked rapidly, wondering if the image would clear like a mirage. The tunnel was cut into a perfectly triangular shape, each side about seven feet long. The ceiling met in a point above our heads.
All along the smooth walls of gray rock, I saw thousands of black orbs peeking out. They looked similar to obsidian, but they were perfectly smooth and circular, each about the size of an orange. They were formed into interlocking diagonal patterns and followed the tunnel straight down as far as the eye could see.
“What is this place?” Sonia asked, taking a tentative step forward. I looked up, seeing the distant pinpoint of sunlight far above our heads. Our voices continued to echo off down the massive tunnels, disappearing in eerie waves into the thick curtain of shadows.
“Are you recording all this?” Phil asked me. I laughed, giddy.
“Of course! This is internet gold right here,” I said. “No one’s going to believe that this isn’t man-made, however. I can’t even believe it. Do you think Jack was playing a joke on us or something?”
“Jack had the sense of humor of a wet paper towel,” Phil whispered, shaking his head. “No, he wouldn’t do something like this.”
“Well, let’s go check it out,” Sonia said, taking a step forward. Her headlamp bobbed up and down rapidly, throwing dancing shadows through the triangular tunnel. It continued straight ahead, without the slightest deviation or curve, disappearing off into a dark point in the distance.
***
We walked as fast as we could, excited to see where, if anywhere, the strange tunnel led. Phil, always the conspiracy theorist, babbled excitedly.
“This has to be aliens, man,” he said, running his fingers through his dark hair. “I bet that scientists will find out this shit is millions of years old when we get back up and tell everyone. Maybe aliens came to earth in ancient times and made a bunch of stuff underground.” Gradually, as we walked, I noticed the tunnel opening up. The pointed triangular ceiling rose up higher above our heads and the walls moved outwards, as we were walking up a triangular funnel. At first, it was so subtle that I didn’t believe it when Sonia pointed it out.
“No, look,” she said, raising her hand above her head. “When we first started down this weird tunnel, my fingers were only maybe a foot away from the top. Now it’s a couple feet.” I was about to respond when our headlamps illuminated something standing in the middle of the tunnel.
“What the fuck is that?” I whispered, stopping cold in my tracks. Phil and Sonia looked up at the abomination at the same time. Its back was to us. It stood nearly as tall as the tunnel, which was now about twenty feet high.
The bottom half looked black and spidery with dozens of long, jointed legs. A bloody, white spine rose out of the mass of legs. Inhumanly long, skeletal arms stretched out in front of it. Its face was pointed away from us, but the back of its head resembled an enormous pointed skull with deep fissures like the cracks of an earthquake running through the bone. The abomination stayed as still as a statue, and for a long moment, I wondered if we were looking at some macabre work of art.
Then, suddenly, one of its insectile legs twitched. A moment later, the other legs started jerking and twisting. There was a sound like bones shattering as it rose up to its full height, turning around to face us.
Its face was like something from a nightmare, melting and reforming constantly like dripping candle wax. I would see a black eye appear on its forehead, then a grinning mouth on its chin, then the features would get sucked back into the folds of melting flesh. After a few moments, two enormous eyes appeared on its face, dark and cold like craters on the surface of the Moon. The mouths and noses disappeared back into the dripping skin, and only the two lidless eyes remained, emanating a cold, reptilian consciousness beyond the ability of my mind to comprehend. I felt terror radiating from its body like freezing waves.
“Free me,” it cried in a gurgling voice that seethed with insanity. It had a shrieking, metallic ringing behind every word that gave it an alien quality. “Free me, and I will give you the waters of eternal life. Within me, I contain the seeds of immortality. Within the nightmares, we live forever, always together, never alone.”
“Who are you?” I asked, terrified. The black reptilian skin of the enormous beast glistened as it knelt down, its massive face drawing near to mine. A sideways mouth burst out of the liquified flesh, showing hundreds of fangs growing like tumors from its white, bloodless gums. The fangs varied in size from only a couple inches to long, sword-like projections that stabbed into the creature’s flesh, causing white blood glittering with rainbows to fall like raindrops all around me.
“I have many names,” it hissed, its thousand voices rising and falling in crashing waves of sound. “I was present at the beginning, when this planet was no more than dead cliffs and endless freezing oceans. Those holy ones who search for us, the ancient ones, call me Niralahoth.”
“How do we free you?” Phil asked, looking terrified. He held Sonia’s hand tightly.
“By letting me into your mind and body,” Niralahoth cried, shaking the cavern. “I was thrown down here, cursed and forgotten. I cannot leave this place of shadows within this body. But in the body of another, my consciousness can be free, and the seeds of new life can spread beyond this prison.”
“There’s no way anyone’s going to do that,” I said, my eyes widening as Niralahoth’s reptilian skull turned towards me in fury. “I mean, you’re asking one of us to give up our individuality, our lives, right?”
“I am asking you to become one with me and gain power undreamt of by mortals,” it cried. “I have within me the fountain of life, the waters that send death away screaming.” I glanced anxiously at Phil and Sonia, wondering if we would have to run.
“The answer is no,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, we can’t do that,” Phil said, backing me up. “But, anyways, I think our trip has ended. It’s time to turn around…”
“You will never return,” Niralahoth cried, skittering away from us. “If you will not accept salvation, then you must accept death.” Within seconds, it slunk away from us, backpedaling on its many skittering legs into the shadows.
***
All around us, a rumbling started.
There was a pounding that crashed through the rock tunnel, as if an insane blacksmith were hammering on a massive anvil. The ringing of crashing rock started off slowly, with a few stones smashing down around us with heavy blasts of sound. Within seconds, the cacophony sped up, rising into a constant stream of destruction. The black orbs were spinning in place all up and down the tunnel, their glossy obsidian surfaces flashing with sparks of blue light.
“It’s collapsing!” Phil cried, running back in the direction we came, holding Sonia’s hand as she tried to keep up with him. I could only stare for a long moment, not sure what to do. It seemed that the direction Phil was heading stood closer to total collapse.
“Wait!” I cried, but my voice was drowned out in the destruction all around us. I felt a rock smash into my shoulder, sending me down to my feet. I heard Phil give a scream of pain, then another stone came down and smashed into my forehead. I remember seeing everything spinning around me as the world went black.
***
I awoke to find my headlamp still shining straight up in the dusty tunnel. Large chunks of the tunnel had slid out of place and crashed to the stone floor. The granite chunks that had fallen looked unnaturally smooth, most of them in the shapes of cylinders or cubes and varying in size from that of an egg to that of a small car.
My head throbbed. It felt as if a tight belt of fire were wrapped around my temples. Groaning, I put my fingers up to my forehead. They came away slick with blood.
Slowly, I started pushing myself up on my feet. I was relieved that nothing seemed broken. I had a deep gash running from the center of my scalp down to my left temple and some shallower cuts on my shoulders and back, but I knew none of that was life-threatening.
“Sonia?” I whispered, my voice coming out weak and strained. I reached into my pack and found a bottle of water. I chugged it quickly in one long swallow.
“Phil?” I cried again, this time stronger. I heard a soft weeping nearby. Staggering, I followed the sound.
Sonia was bloody and covered in cuts and scrapes, sitting next to Phil’s prone form. I saw Phil’s right arm pinned under a massive slab of granite. His arm disappeared from the elbow down in a spreading puddle of thick, dark blood.
“Oh God, Max, I think he’s hurt really bad,” she wept. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly in his head, his face pale and bloodless. I looked down the way we had come, seeing the entire tunnel blocked by large slabs of stone, many with strange, black orbs peeking out like the lenses of cameras.
***
I don’t know how much time passed. My phone died after a day, and then we were counting the endless darkness in breaths and tears.
Phil swam in and out of consciousness as his arm putrefied and blackened around the crush site. After a couple days, Sonia and I agreed that something had to be done. We told Phil we would need to amputate his arm. He was half-delirious, but he came back long enough to understand us and nod weakly.
We made a fire with Phil’s pack, trying to find fuel to throw in it to get it roaring. As it grew, I saw one of the black orbs near the flames abruptly ignite, as if it had been covered in gasoline. Blue, almost colorless flames rose from its surface. We started throwing the small black orbs on the fire until it rose high in the air. I sanitized the buck knife with the flames and pulled a rope tourniquet tight around Phil’s arm. He was conscious but seemingly insane, talking to himself more than anyone else.
“How are we going to get the car started without a key?” he gurgled to someone only he could see. “We need to look around. It has to be here somewhere.”
“Phil, can you hear me, bud? We need to fix your arm. We need to get you out of this mess. OK?” I said as comfortingly as I could. Phil’s eyes rolled wildly, but they didn’t meet my own. I sighed and looked over at Sonia.
“Let’s do it,” I said, giving a grim nod.
I pulled the buck knife out, slicing quickly down through the flesh next to the tourniquet. His veins throbbed like fat worms as the blackened, necrotic skin split easily under the blade, releasing a rancid-smelling gas that hissed out of the wound.
I couldn’t believe how hard it was to slice all the way through the arm. It felt like I was stuck in that hellish task forever. Phil’s eyes rolled in his head as his skin turned the color of clotted milk.
“God, Jesus, make it stop,” Phil whispered over and over, exhaling ragged, pain-filled breaths. The blood spurted from the blackened, dying tissue all over the dust-covered cavern floor, covering my hands in its warm, slick embrace.
After what was probably only three or four minutes, but felt like hours, I had sliced all the way down to the bone. The infected tissue of his arm spurted great gouts of orange pus mixed with rivulets of blood. The hard part was over.
Standing up, I took my steel-toe sneaker and stomped down on his arm as hard as I could. Phil cried out in a powerful voice, as if all the agony and suffering in the world was contained in that one shriek. The bone snapped under my weight with a sound like a tree branch cracking. A moment later, Phil rolled away from the rock that had pinned me in place for so long. Something alien and spongy was shoved into my face, a mass of destroyed red tissue pulsating in time with a runaway heartbeat. At first, shell-shocked and revolted, my mind couldn’t comprehend that I was looking at the stump of Phil’s mutilated arm. I hardened my heart and forced the giddiness and madness to the back of my mind. The time had come to cauterize the wound.
“Sonia, give it to me,” I said with a tremor in my voice. I reached out a hand towards her, a hand stained with Phil’s blood. It looked as if I were wearing a wet, crimson glove. Sonia only stared blankly at me for a long moment, however. A surge of anger ran up my chest.
“Sonia, toughen the fuck up! He’s going to die if you just sit there!” I swore at her, hearing my deep, angry voice bounce around the caverns. Sonia pulled back, as if she were struck. Inwardly, I cursed having a woman as my only able-bodied companion in this situation. She was a competent enough caver, but what would happen if violence and blood came over us? What would happen if, or more realistically when, we needed to fight?
Grimly, Sonia leaned forward and yanked the burning black orb out of the roaring fire, handing it to me on the end of a buck knife that had just barely pierced its hard, strange exterior. The handle of the knife felt coarse and splintery under my filthy skin. I put it to the spongy stump of Phil’s arm. The stump twitched violently. Phil tried to pull away as black smoke rose from the burning flesh.
There was a smell like bacon sizzling. The searing meat of Phil’s arm blackened and crisped under the heat of the orb, which had become no more than a cylinder of glowing blue embers by this point. I felt simultaneously sick and giddy. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or vomit. I felt like I was on the verge of some kind of madness, that the stress and insanity of the experience had started to shatter my mind.
His eyes rolled back in his head and he appeared to go into a seizure for a few seconds. With a long exhalation of breath, he finally, mercifully, lost consciousness. It’s hard to admit it, even this close to the end, but a small, sick piece of me was jealous of Phil. Most likely, he would be dead soon, maybe within hours, while Sonia and I would slowly starve and dehydrate like animals over a period of weeks. I looked at her lithe body and soft skin, seeing the feminine curves of her hips and chest. She was a beautiful woman. I knew Phil to be a lucky man. At least, before this trip, he was.
I watched her body, wondering if I had what it took to eat her or Phil if I had to. Did I have an iron heart that would allow me to slice into my friends and consume their raw, cold flesh? Perhaps, by that point, it would be hunger and madness driving me forward, and I wouldn’t even hesitate. I shuddered at the very thought.
***
I fell asleep that night, having strange dreams of massive gods with melting faces sitting in judgment in a circle around me. We had very little food or water left. No one knew we were down here. Rescue was not coming.
When I awoke, I found myself alone. Phil had died from his injuries while I slept, the black streaks of septic shock spreading up his arm towards his heart. His eyes stared sightlessly up at the rock ceiling.
“Sonia?” I called out, my heart racing as I sat up. “Where are you?” My headlamp was growing dim. I looked in my pack, realizing I was on the last of my batteries. I saw a silhouette walking out of the darkness, the thin, pale form of Sonia. She was trembling badly.
“I saw them,” she said. “Niralahoth and its priests. The priests aren’t human. They look reptilian with sideways mouths and too many eyes.” She shuddered.
“Why would you do that?” I asked. Her eyes grew distant.
“You know we’re not getting out of here alive,” she said. “Not on our own. I wanted to see what it offered. It says that if we take a piece of its nightmare into us, we will gain the power to leave this place, that it simply wants to see the surface and spread its nightmares there.” I shook my head.
“Insanity,” I muttered. “We’d be better off dead.” Sonia nodded.
“My thoughts exactly,” she responded grimly. I didn’t realize what she meant until the next day, when I woke up and found her hanging next to Phil’s body, her tongue swollen and blue as it poked out of her cyanotic lips. And then I was truly alone.
***
Soon after Sonia committed suicide, the last of the batteries for the headlamp died. I had run out of food and had only a small sip of water left. I don’t know how much time passed in the darkness, starving and raving, following the tunnel by running my hands over the walls. I heard many things skittering in the darkness, and a few times, I heard the demonic voice of Niralahoth as it split and distorted.
“You are on death’s door,” it hissed. “Will you not drink from the fountain of life?” I couldn’t tell where the voice came from in the maddening blackness. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. I had lost nearly all of my sanity in that pit of shadows by this point. I tried laughing constantly to keep my spirits up, and when that failed, I simply cried.
“I’ll do it,” I wailed. “I’ll do it. Just let me see the sky again. Get me out of here, Niralahoth.” Everything went deathly silent all around me, then a laugh rang out like the grinding of glass.
In front of me, I saw a tornado of fire descending from the ceiling, surrounding the massive, spidery form of Niralahoth. It rose its skeletal arms upwards, as if it were Zeus calling down lightning. In the sudden brightness, I saw the fiery form of snakes slithering and centipedes skittering forwards in that tornado, each massive creature sculpted from flames in the spinning cyclone of energy. Niralahoth reached into the tornado of fire with its sharp points of fingers and plucked something small from it. The fire instantly dissipated. In its hand, I saw a tiny, swirling orb that looked like it contained a firestorm within it.
“The nightmare seed,” Niralahoth gurgled as it skittered forward towards me. I could only stare, open-mouthed and starving. I hadn’t slept for days, it felt like, and everything seemed slow and unreal.
In a blur, its skeletal arm shot out and forced the orb into my mouth. Despite the fire raging within it, it felt freezing cold. As it touched my tongue, it gave off a sensation like frostbite all throughout my mouth. I screamed and tried spitting it out, but it seemed to have a mind of its own. It started liquifying, dripping down my throat.
I felt something cancerous and sick spreading throughout my body, radiating out from my heart and stomach to every inch of it. I tried to scream, but it caught behind my teeth. I fell to my knees, clawing at my face as that insane, alien laugh continued resounding all down the tunnel. I fell unconscious and woke up under a beautiful sky in the fields of Graysole Farms.
***
Soon after, I realized that my life would never be the same. Everywhere I went, I could hear the wailing voice of Niralahoth. Behind the trees, I always saw skittering shadows, creatures with long, spidery legs that stalked me every day and night. I slept with every light in the house turned on, yet when I woke up, they would all be shut off, and I would find myself in darkness, next to something in the bed with far too many legs and a face that dripped like burning wax.
I sold everything I owned and tried to move far away, to give as much distance between myself and those cursed caverns as I could, but the nightmares followed me like a shadow. I realize what a fool I was in those ephemeral moments of madness. Sonia was much wiser than myself; I should have killed myself or died rather than allowing that thing inside of me.
Even now, I can feel it creeping through my heart, spreading through my blood. I feel it trying to crawl its way out of my throat, the thin, black legs peeking out at the back of my esophagus.
I only hope that, when I finally jump and feel my bones shatter against the concrete far below, I will kill whatever is inside of me. For I fear the consequences for the world if it were to escape.

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.

I love dogs as much as the next guy but nearly everyday I go to a local coffee shop here in DSM and maybe 60% of the time some customer brings a dog in at some point. These are definitely not service dogs and the owners are not pretending they are. I’m usually not bothered, but on several occasions another dog will come in and they’ll start barking like crazy while I’m trying to read and just vibe in the coffee shop. Today a couple brought in 2 fairly large dogs that barked anytime a customer came close. The baristas never speak up about it and sometimes even pet and encourage the dog owners to visit again. Oftentimes these dog owners aren’t just getting to-go drinks but actually hangout with their dogs in the cafe for an hour or two. Am I crazy for being annoyed by this? Are all local coffee shops like this? Did I actually stumble into a dog cafe?

Currently work in a warehouse doing screen print work. I like the work but it is physically demanding and the management is getting worse by the day. I want to work in a more professional/ office role. Doesn’t have to be in the design/ print industry. I have two summaries, one is for a print role and the other is more general. Any tips?
About the army bit, I was in training and got injured 10 weeks in. Spent the rest of my time there in rehab and eventually medically discharged. I am fully recovered. I am not sure how to present this and if I leave it out it leaves over a year gap.

After taking a break for a few months, we've gone and booked another jam. If you're looking to play music, play arcade games, make friends, meet potential band mates, eat, drink, or have a new Norwich experience, then pop into Barcadia on Thursday 6th June, 8–11pm.
From the Facebook event page:

We're back for a one-off trial jam at Barcadia! Bring yourselves, your instruments, your voices, and your souls (where applicable).
Expect a wide range of styles, including jazz, funk, hip hop, reggae, salsa, noise, dancing, etc. Whether you want to join in, soak up the creativity, or just fund this endeavour by buying drinks, playing the many arcade games, or exploring the plant-based menu, you'll be in for an unforgettable experience.
After the house band gets things started, we'll start inviting people to join in. We'll have a sign-up sheet; put your name down early to guarantee a slot. Any genre or direction is valid. Just keep your ears switched on and listen to your fellow jammers as we all enter the unknown.
Equipment provided: • Microphones • Inputs for guitars/basses • Keyboard • Drum kit • Speakers

Currently bingeing Back to the Barre, a few episodes into season 2. Christi and Kelly seem to mention their "coffee cups" and hiding them, or on worse days saying things like "my coffee cup is out in the open". It sounds like they're insinuating it's definitely not coffee in their cups 😂 Have they ever denied or confirmed if there were just straight up drinking while they were filming? Not bashing anyone's parenting or their choices, low key iconic if you ask me 😂

Last year (July ‘23), I began Lexapro 10mg and for about a month following the initial symptoms, it was great. I felt close to normal again. Over time, I felt it become less effective and it just became a habit to take the medicine in hopes of it one day working to the same extent again. It didn’t.
Last month, I switched to Wellbutrin XL 150mg and for the first 3-4 weeks, it was quite literally the best I’ve felt since high school. It even assisted me with quitting Zyn, any form of alcohol (albeit I hardly drink as it is), and caffeine for well over three weeks before I began drinking coffee again. As of a few days ago, I’ve began to feel more anxious, irritable, and nauseous. For context, I am also on Semaglutide for weight management. Between the two medicines, I felt like my quality of life was making a complete u-turn towards total change, and I was elated! The last few days have been discouraging. I’ve been experiencing anxiety that makes me lethargic, my chest feels warm, and every symptom I experience I worry chalks up to something larger. I’ve also been clenching my jaw more than I already was.
TLDR; Both my previous antidepressants worked briefly then stopped. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. I’m curious if the temporary effectiveness of these medicines points to a larger issue. I’m happy with my quality of life and the direction I’m headed, so what exactly is going on with me/my reaction to these medicines over time?
Thanks!

TL;DR: Snooped on bf’s texts with coworker. She potentially tried to shoot her shot with him, but she isn’t aware bf is in a relationship. Bf is very private about his personal life at work. I want to ask to meet the coworker to get to know her and let her know I exist.
My boyfriend has recently been talking a lot about his coworker (20somethingF) who’s been put on their team in the past year or so. He’s been very stressed at work and we hardly see each other —live apart and see each other 1-2times a week. Overall, relationship is good. Has been better but he is busy with work and I keep my time occupied with my hobbies and friends.
Lately, every time I ask him how work was that day or what he was up to at work, he will eventually start talking about this coworker, lets call her Sasha. About what him and Sasha did today (coffee catch-up and lunch together usually) or just andecdotes about Sasha (“Sasha’s weekend hobby is swimming and last week she swam xyz metres in open ocean). Cool.
I have never minded this —in part because my bf has a tendency to have a new female best friend every year. I totally believe and support friendship across genders. However, my…spidey senses have been tingling for the past month because Sasha and him have been spending a lot of time with each other at work based on his stories but we hardly ever text during the week now and we only see each other 1 night on a weekend —late at night and ready for bed— as his job is very demanding atm. Two mos ago he also told me that Sasha broke up with her long term bf.
Anyway long story short, I ended up snooping on his texts with her and I feel torn, reddit friends. There was nothing malicious, but she texted him asking him if he wants to come over and share a pizza with her on a Saturday night!! Two weeks before that, she also invited him on 1:1 drinks out on a weekend night. He rejected both invites saying he already had plans. But she would send him selfies of her every now and then, mundane stuff like what she’s cooking for dinner, picture of her chilling on the couch (he asked her if she was wfh that day) and also picture of her at the salon (he wondered why she tool a day off). He would sometimes respond with photos of his dinner or his computer screen.
The problem is that he is very very private about his personal life at work (only 1 other female and 1 coworker knows our relationship because they are close feiends outside of work). So Sasha doesn’t know I exist. If she was hitting on him, technically its fair game from her perspective. Admittedly, I am upset that my bf is not forthcoming with our relationship in general. It took me 1.5 years to meet his friends. I’m sure he enjoys the female attention but idk if he is being oblivious with her trying to shoot her shot. I can’t confront him because he’ll figured out I snooped. I know I know its not my finest moment.
But I would like to ask him for me to meet some of his closer coworkers (which are essentially friends as they regularly hang out after work/on the weekend including Sasha)…in part to actually get to know his coworkers and also to let Sasha know I exist…I’d like advice on whether or not this is worth the effort and if it’s something I should do in the first place. Or is there a different way to tackle this conversation/my feelings?

Last year (July ‘23), I began Lexapro 10mg and for about a month following the initial symptoms, it was great. I felt close to normal again. Over time, I felt it become less effective and it just became a habit to take the medicine in hopes of it one day working to the same extent again. It didn’t.
Last month, I switched to Wellbutrin XL 150mg and for the first 3-4 weeks, it was quite literally the best I’ve felt since high school. It even assisted me with quitting Zyn, any form of alcohol (albeit I hardly drink as it is), and caffeine for well over three weeks before I began drinking coffee again. As of a few days ago, I’ve began to feel more anxious, irritable, and nauseous. For context, I am also on Semaglutide for weight management. Between the two medicines, I felt like my quality of life was making a complete u-turn towards total change, and I was elated! The last few days have been discouraging. I’ve been experiencing anxiety that makes me lethargic, my chest feels warm, and every symptom I experience I worry chalks up to something larger. I’ve also been clenching my jaw more than I already was.
TLDR; Both my previous antidepressants worked briefly then stopped. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. I’m curious if the temporary effectiveness of these medicines points to a larger issue. I’m happy with my quality of life and the direction I’m headed, so what exactly is going on with me/my reaction to these medicines over time?
Thanks!

I am from a small town and when it comes eating out there is minimal for a quick bite. Nowhere that i know of sells a grilled cheese without having to sit down for a meal. Sometimes we just dont have the time. There was nothing like rolling up to the counter of a once infamous canadian resturant, a staple of our idenity, to recieve a coffee, a grilled cheese, and a donut if i was feeling lucky. But now i am stuck with pizza instead, something i can get at any of the other pizza shops, granted theres not much, we happen to have a local shop that sells by the slice at a great price. So this is my rant, i am distraught, saddened by the idea of them taking my beloved grilled cheese. This doesnt seem to be the first time they have made a silly move to cater to a wider audience. I want breakfast. I want lunch. I want simplicity. Sure, i could make my own but everyone has those days where you jus want to eat out, whether it be laziness or a beautiful treat for a weekend morning. Grilled cheese had been my go too since i was probably 12 years old. I was happy, content to know when i wanted one i didnt have to order one at a sit down resturant where theres endless better options and almsot seems inexcusable to order something so simple at a real restaurant. But tims? It was okay, i felt heard, i felt reasonable in my choices.
My anger rides from within burning a deep flame of hatred in my heart that will no extinguish until i know i can throw their pizza off of the menu. It is dry, dry like my eyes void of tears. Im frustrated, enraged by my lost love being forver gone. My childhood memeories vanished in an instant it seems. Grilled cheese from dons? Gone. Whistle dog from anw? Gone. And now my most beloved, the one thing i could count on for i do not eat their wraps, i found there sandwhiches questionable, but there grilled cheese? It was there, it was solid, it was edible unlike most of there menu. I now sit and wallow in my grief. Their egg sammy was the only other thing but even then, tims is the last place i want that from. I am sad. Grilled cheese felt like home, no where else can i go and simply get a grilled cheese on a lunch break with a coffee and something sweet. It has all fallen apart. I, have fallen apart like a crushed donut on lunch rush
So timmies, tims, Mr. Horton, whatever it is you want to be called, why make villainous choices? Life is to short to make mistakes at this scale. We must cherish what we have. Its important to look to the future, but its just as important to live in today, be grateful of what we have. But now, it is only What we once had

Last year (July ‘23), I began Lexapro 10mg and for about a month following the initial symptoms, it was great. I felt close to normal again. Over time, I felt it become less effective and it just became a habit to take the medicine in hopes of it one day working to the same extent again. It didn’t.
Last month, I switched to Wellbutrin XL 150mg and for the first 3-4 weeks, it was quite literally the best I’ve felt since high school. It even assisted me with quitting Zyn, any form of alcohol (albeit I hardly drink as it is), and caffeine for well over three weeks before I began drinking coffee again. As of a few days ago, I’ve began to feel more anxious, irritable, and nauseous. For context, I am also on Semaglutide for weight management. Between the two medicines, I felt like my quality of life was making a complete u-turn towards total change, and I was elated! The last few days have been discouraging. I’ve been experiencing anxiety that makes me lethargic, my chest feels warm, and every symptom I experience I worry chalks up to something larger. I’ve also been clenching my jaw more than I already was.
TLDR; Both my previous antidepressants worked briefly then stopped. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD. I’m curious if the temporary effectiveness of these medicines points to a larger issue. I’m happy with my quality of life and the direction I’m headed, so what exactly is going on with me/my reaction to these medicines over time?
Thanks!

Wife had an affair at work
My wife had an affair, it started emotional last January and turned physical in May, I’m devastated and don’t know how to move forward, we have two young kids. Here’s the details.
Friend at work complains about his wife, eventually asks my wife for a drink She tells me, I warn her he’s interested in more than a friendship, she’s convinced he’s not, declines the drink and agrees not to meet him for coffee or talk outside of work anymore (they have a Starbucks at work that they’d meet; I’m not the jealous type because we both have mixed friends and it’s no big deal)
January 2024 comes around, I see her deleting Instagram messages. She admits it’s him, but only friends, hiding it to not hurt my feelings. She gaslights me, says I’m overreacting, tells her mom I’m overreacting because it’s just a friend, etc February 2024 I check the phone records, the previous May they texted 2000+ times and then went dark. I push and she admits it was physical. They started kissing May 2023 before our daughter turned 1, had sex June 2023 (while she was still breastfeeding), had sex at our house while I was on a work trip, but mostly had sex in her office. Never wore protection because he had a vasectomy. Allegedly they stopped having sex by September, but they met up everyday she was in the office, kissed, and said I love you.
Other fun fact: he and his family came to my house for a bbq after they had already kissed for the first time.
Apparently they cut it off in January when I caught them. I am devastated. I love my daughters and life, but just can’t grasp how this was ever possible. I was her first, took her virginity.
We’ve had a rough go between Covid (she was very strict with quarantine) and having 2 kids.
Now I hear from her and her mom about how rough the marriage was, all of these specific examples of when we had disagreements, how she felt lonely, etc.
I know our marriage was far from perfect and I am partially to blame, I used Covid + kids as a explanation to myself and said things would get better as we got through that and the newborn stage. My job was time consuming, but I work from home, rarely travel, and almost always cooked dinner + picked the kids up from school.
I’m really having difficulty processing the lies, gaslighting, and the affair in general. I knew something was off - I actually thought she was on drugs (she’s never smoked pot); explained away the random t shirt I found as her brothers or something when he stayed. The hickies and scratches on her back once’s as the baby biting her or something. I feel so stupid.
The other part that bothers me so much is that she was able to go to work, have sex with this guy, kiss him, say I love you and then come home and act like nothing happened. I also hate that she’d let this guy touch her body and then breastfeed our daughter when she got home. Had her jewelry I gave her, including wedding band on her while having sex + sending nudes.
He is also married with 3 kids. I trusted my wife implicitly, it’s always what got me through the rough times with her - that’s gone and I don’t know what to do.
She’s in therapy but “using it to survive” and not actually working on herself; hasn’t identified areas for improvement. I’m also in therapy since before this due to the stresses of life and childhood trauma. We occasionally do joint sessions.
I can’t imagine sharing custody of my kids and not seeing them daily, but I am really having trouble moving forward.
I needed to vent, but appreciate any advice on how to get through this. I’m just so so sad and disappointment, not so much mad - there were a few outbursts over this but it’s tapered off to sadness. Almost 4 months into learning about this.

Ever since Billie’s new album came out, my store has only been playing Billie Eilish exclusively.
NO HATE TO BILLIE EILISH I LOVE HER AND THE NEW ALBUM
The shift started with me on warming. The store was quiet, we have so much drama, everyone’s angry and irritable because we’re all new and don’t know what we’re doing. 3 people called out. On top of that Billie Eilish is going “when did it end? All the enjoyment”
LIKE BILLIE THIS IS NOT ENCOURAGING!
Later, I was on register taking someone’s order. This poor old woman was trying to shout over Billie Eilish, who was screaming about “all the times I waited for you TO WANT ME NAKED”
I cringed so bad, I mean I was flabbergasted. (Insert the “m’am, this is a Wendy’s” meme). Like Billie, I’m working.
And then a lady came up and handed me a list of 16 drinks she wanted to order. My shift manager said it was okay to take the order even though we only had one person on bar, a 10 person line behind her, and 4 of the drinks were at my brewing station with nobody to help me on reg.
Against my request NOT TO, the customer walked away before I made her coffees so I have the next person in line up to my till staring at me while I’m making these 4 coffees. I don’t stress myself out usually at work but i was honestly fucking stressed in that moment because I had to keep looking at the register at her order to make sure I got the milk right. We ran out of milk so I had to climb over the baristas to get their milk. I was labeling cups, struggling to push the coffees into the tray, getting burns all over my hand
meanwhile 🎶 “always in my headspace. but I know someday I’ll make it OUT OF HERE”🎶 was on the speaker. like BILLIE I AM BEGGING FOR MERCY!!
I mean working in a fast paced, high stress environment I do not need to hear this. They should play her happier songs only maybe? I don’t need stuff that’s cringy or reflects how I feel a little too well. I need something that will pump me up, encourage and motivate me.
The vibe is completely different and better when we have normal music playing. I mean what were they thinking to play Billie Eilish all day? Just had to get that off my chest.
Again no hate to Billie I love her

My boyfriend has recently been talking a lot about his coworker (20somethingF) who’s been put on their team in the past year or so. He’s been very stressed at work and we hardly see each other —live apart and see each other 1-2times a week.
Lately, every time I ask him how work was that day or what he was up to at work, he will eventually start talking about this coworker, lets call her Sasha. About what him and Sasha did today (coffee catch-up and lunch together usually) or just andecdotes about Sasha (“Sasha’s weekend hobby is swimming and last week she swam xyz metres in open ocean). Cool.
I have never minded this —in part because my bf has a tendency to have a new female best friend every year. I totally believe and support friendship across genders. However, my…spidey senses have been tingling for the past month because Sasha and him have been spending a lot of time with each other at work based on his stories but we hardly ever text during the week now and we only see each other 1 night on a weekend —late at night and ready for bed— as his job is very demanding atm. Two mos ago he also told me that Sasha broke up with her long term bf.
Anyway long story short, I ended up snooping on his texts with her and I feel torn, reddit friends. There was nothing malicious, but she texted him asking him if he wants to come over and share a pizza with her on a Saturday night!! Two weeks before that, she also invited him on 1:1 drinks out on a weekend night. He rejected both invites saying he already had plans. But she would send him selfies of her every now and then, mundane stuff like what she’s cooking for dinner, picture of her chilling on the couch (he asked her if she was wfh that day) and also picture of her at the salon (he wondered why she tool a day off). He would sometimes respond with photos of his dinner or his computer screen.
The problem is that he is very very private about his personal life at work (only 1 other female and 1 coworker knows our relationship because they are close feiends outside of work). So Sasha doesn’t know I exist. If she was hitting on him, technically its fair game from her perspective. Admittedly, I am upset that my bf is not forthcoming with our relationship in general. It took me 1.5 years to meet his friends. I’m sure he enjoys the female attention but idk if he is being oblivious with her trying to shoot her shot. I can’t confront him because he’ll figured out I snooped. I know I know its not my finest moment.
But I would like to ask him for me to meet some of his closer coworkers (which are essentially friends as they regularly hang out after work/on the weekend including Sasha)…in part to actually get to know his coworkers and also to let Sasha know I exist…is this a good idea? Or am I being too territorial?

So I’ve been on dating apps a bit recently, had some awesome matches, some great convos, etc.
I think the weird part is when it’s time to take it off the app, I’ve asked a couple of girls if they’d be down to get some coffee, get some lunch, get drinks etc etc and it becomes this ghosting situation.
I typically wait at least a week or 2 before asking if they’d like to meet for something casual (IE the ideas listed above) and it doesn’t seem to work. Is that kinda the new norm? Am I moving to fast?