Paramount: Deal Rumors Aside, What About The Operations? Can The Company Turn A Profit?
May 21, 2024 2:41 PM ET
Summary
Paramount Global remains my worst investment, but I still believe in its potential for success.
Paramount's "lack of scale" is not the reason for its underperformance as it spends about as much on content as industry leader Netflix.
Paramount's loss last year was largely the result of one-off writedowns, both domestically and internationally. These losses will not repeat going forward.
Paramount's streaming operation suffers not from lack of scale, but an abundance of overload waste, which may be alleviated under new management.
The sports slate remains best-in-class, and CBS is still the leader in broadcast scripted. CBS Television City in Los Angeles, Ca, USA. JHVEPhoto/iStock Editorial via Getty Images
Paramount Global (NASDAQ:PARA) (NASDAQ:PARAA) remains my worst investment. Let's just get that clear from the start. I said two years ago it was madness not to buy Paramount. That was wrong, wrong, wrong. The fact that I recommended against buying the new Warner Discovery at the same time, and heeding that warning saved a lot of money, makes me feel a little better, but not much.
And no, the fact that Warren Buffett made the exact same mistake as me doesn't help much, either. Mr. Buffett and I are about to part ways, anyway. He is now completely sold out of Paramount, while I am hanging in. Yes, I am still buying. Get all the ribbing out of your systems, and then read on.
Although a few rounds remain to be played in the game, it is no longer inconceivable that none of the various deal permutations that have been put forward for Paramount will pan out, and that it will continue as an independent company. Essentially, Redstone will block a deal with Apollo Global Management, Inc. (APO) and Sony Group Corporation (SONY) and the 'B' shareholders will litigate a Skydance deal to death.
Because so many Seeking Alpha articles are already offering a blow-by-blow analysis of the deal talks - and I absolutely encourage you to read them - I wanted to turn back for just a minute to a more in-depth look at Paramount's actual operations. If it stays independent, can it turn itself around?
Scale Is Not The Issue I'm angry. Usually, when an investment goes wrong, I can manage to be philosophical or even dispassionate about it. Risks of the trade, can't win 'em all, pick your maxim.
But this one is really getting to me. I'm sure part of that is simply the sheer amount of my portfolio that has suffered - I bet a lot more on Paramount than I did on my typical investment, so sure was I that it had the tools needed for success. Fortunately, some of my other media investments have worked out much, much better, or I'd really be hurting. In fact, my Netflix buy has repaired all the damage my Paramount buy has done.
Still, I'm unusually angry, partly because of the sheer amount lost. But it's also that I still don't believe there is anything wrong with Paramount, at its core. It has become quite commonplace to speak of Paramount's "lack of scale" as the reason for its apparent impending demise, or at least subsumption. But I would still argue that that isn't born out by the numbers. Paramount spent roughly $16 billion on content in 2023, the same total as 2022, when $4 billion of it was spent on streaming. That is only slightly less than Netflix, Inc. (NFLX) which leads the industry in market cap and performance, if not in spending. While the gap with other studio peers is larger, I'm not sure spending at Netflix levels equals a "lack of scale."
What's more, a lot of that extra spending by other traditional industry players like Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc. (WBD) and The Walt Disney Company (DIS) is not spending that investors should necessarily cheer. As I've explained before, Paramount's lower spending total is almost entirely accounted for by its far more profitable approach to sports rights; a lot of that extra spending that Disney and Warner are doing isn't particularly profitable or even sensible.
What then, does account for Paramount's underperformance?
Stock Performance That depends on which underperformance you're talking about. First, the stock price. Paramount cut its dividend in spring 2023. That announcement, with its Q1 earnings, was enough to cause half of the past-year decline in a single day. Paramount went from $21 to $16 with the dividend cut and was still at $16 as late as December.
Since then, the other half of the decline has reflected the increasing evidence that Paramount is more or less ready to throw in the towel, and intends to be a distressed seller to another studio or private equity firm soon. More specifically, it is actually Shari Redstone, who exercises control over Paramount through her 77.3% share of Paramount's Class A voting stock, who is ready to call it quits. The perception that she has no leverage and will be forced to accept a fire sale offer has driven the stock lower.
Operations All that, however, merely explains the stock market decline; what is the operational explanation for Paramount's troubles? The company reported a $600 million loss for full year 2023. How is it that one of the Big Five movie studios, with the most popular of the Big Four broadcast networks, the most popular show on cable (Yellowstone) and the only profitable sports slate in American television, can't make money?
Accounting Element First, we need to acknowledge that there are some accounting factors in that 2023 loss. Paramount took a "programming charge," i.e., a write-down of the value of programming assets, of roughly $2.4 billion in Q1 and Q2 last year. That is money that would ordinarily be amortized over a period of years - it's mostly streaming originals, which Paramount usually amortizes over a 4-year period - that instead saw its red ink taken all at once. Had it been amortized normally, Paramount would have reported an operating profit of roughly $1.2 billion, more or less identical to 2022, instead of reporting an operating loss of the same amount.
Still, that write-down reflects the fact that the content isn't performing well, so those losses were always going to happen, and they're quite real; the accounting change is simply a timing issue. So Paramount is operationally deficient, even if perhaps not quite as operationally deficient as this one-time write-down makes it look. We cannot dismiss Paramount's operational issues by putting them down to accounting distortions.
TV Scripted Content Difficulties Paramount did not break down the programming charge, but outside reports have about half of it owing to the integration of Showtime in Paramount+ as a single service. It's not entirely clear which side of the ledger those losses are coming from; one of the less understood things about merging services is that it potentially makes content on both sides less valuable as it is replaced by more popular content from the other side. Showtime's Q1 2023 viewership was very top-heavy, with just two shows, Yellowjackets and Your Honor constituting 30% of all viewership. Presumably, those two shows reduced the value of some Paramount+ existing content while the rest of Showtime's library may have suffered from competition with P+ content.
Regardless of the exact source, Paramount's content is not performing. That's a little surprising considering that, as I said, CBS content is actually quite popular on the linear side. In fact, in the earnings call following the annual report now-former CEO Bob Bakish reported that CBS had the top 16 scripted programs and 18 of the top 20 in the first week of post-strike broadcasts. Paramount has disclosed in the past that CBS content makes up roughly half of the viewership on Paramount+; and this is despite the fact that P+ isn't even the sole beneficiary of CBS content; roughly $600 million per quarter of Paramount's licensing revenue comes from CBS shows as well.
One possibility that I perhaps did not consider sufficiently was the chance that the unique characteristics of CBS would make it harder for that channel to transition to streaming than its other broadcast peers. CBS is the most popular of all broadcast networks, but that popularity owes disproportionately to more elderly viewers; in the demo, it is actually Comcast Corporation's (CMCSA) NBC which takes the top crown.
With elderly viewers both less appealing to advertisers and less likely to make the transition to streaming, it is perhaps not so surprising that CBS is continuing to perform well on linear but having trouble translating that to streaming.
International Shortfall The damage isn't through yet, either. Paramount disclosed that it took another $1.2 billion impairment charge on content in the first quarter. This one has to do with the international side; a few years ago Paramount commissioned 150 new, original international shows and movies to try to boost international growth. Now, Paramount reveals that even international consumers spend no less than 90% of their time streaming Hollywood content; the local originals aren't doing very much for growth or retention.
About the only good thing that can be said about this complete and utter debacle is that it is a one-off; unlike Paramount's US content spending, which is ongoing and therefore must be made more efficient if Paramount is to survive and thrive, Paramount is gradually exiting International production. In fact, to help cover the losses on its international originals it is selling its share in Viacom18, the network that formerly served as Paramount's onshore operation in India, to its partner Reliance for a little over $500 million.
Where Are The Children? Yet another factor is children's programming. While many have essentially written off Paramount's entire cable channel group, and I agree the prognosis for MTV and Comedy Central is rather grim, I have argued that Nickelodeon remains a real asset, as one of the top two children's channels in linear TV. I believed that would be a powerful subscriber acquisition tool, alongside sports, as the streaming transition continued.
It hasn't worked out. Surveys consistently show the Big 3 for parents with children are Netflix, Disney, and the third is Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) of all things. Neither Paramount+ nor Warner Discovery's Max make the cut, despite ownership of top children's linear platforms/libraries Nickelodeon and Looney Tunes, respectively.
The prognosis here isn't entirely grim. Paramount has reported that half of their streaming subscribers touch kids' content regularly, so clearly Nickelodeon does mean something to the subscribers. It's possible it helps with retention, even if it doesn't drive acquisition. Paramount owns the number one brand for pre-school kids, Paw Patrol.
Paramount has shut down the separate Noggin streaming service and will presumably be amplifying the kids content on P+ as a result, so perhaps this trend will yet turn around. With so many other things going wrong, though, the inability to make kids content more central to the strategy is a painful blow.
The Mismanagement Of Streaming I suspect, however, that Paramount's single biggest defect over the past few years has been the competency of its management. In a streaming world, success hinges overwhelmingly on the efficiency with which a content budget is deployed. That efficiency, in turn, requires avoiding the trap of "overload," something cable doesn't have to worry about but which can kill a streaming service.
What Is Overload? In brief, overload is when a streaming service spends money on content that appeals primarily to those subscribers who were already subscribed and intending to remain subscribed, even without that content. Because revenue does not increase with more viewership, such spending is essentially wasted money. I have been arguing for several years that some economic models of streaming profitability fail to take account of this significant element.
Paramount seems to have had a lot of overload in the last few years. Specifically, its single most broadly appealing piece of content is the NFL, which Paramount is an anchor broadcaster for. Because NFL fans are accustomed to spending upwards of $100 a month on cable just to watch the NFL - over 10% of cable subscribers say that the NFL is the only reason they're still subscribing - Paramount's $6-$12 a month fee for streaming really doesn't need anything more than NFL games to attract these 40-50 million fans.
The Earnings Jaw-Dropper And yet, it seems that's where a lot of the extra streaming money has been going. On the Q2 earnings call last year, CEO Bob Bakish, watching the stock price steadily decline, seemed to be eager to reassure he had a handle on the situation and began describing some of the changes he'd be making. It started out well enough, really; he told investors that NFL viewers churn drops dramatically if they also engage with entertainment titles, which is what you'd expect.
But then, he stunned me and I expect just about everyone listening when he said, "we probably need to do less for [the NFL viewer] in the fall, and more outside the fall because we can rely on the NFL." Compounding the almost Looking Glass-feeling, he then went on to reassure everyone he would be "fine-tuning" the content strategy to address that point in the years to come.
It was, frankly, stunning. Both me and I suspect just about every analyst who was modeling Paramount had just assumed it went without saying that of course, any entertainment content targeted at retaining NFL viewers should drop in the other half of the year when the NFL wasn't playing on TV. My own calculations of the profit margin on CBS's NFL deal had always incorporated that.
And while that was bad enough, it also raised the concern that a management team that didn't understand that going in might have put a lot of other overload in other categories as well. Suddenly, it wasn't so hard to see how the best-scripted shop with the most profitable sports contracts was having trouble making money. Double-loading for 50 million households would be a major drag on the financial performance for streaming.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel Despite all of this, I still think there are bright spots in the Paramount picture, even without a merger. Its operations, as well as its merger discussions, don't seem to lack potential.

1: My Usual Paramount Bull Argument: Sports Profits

One thing that continues to go right is sports content. A few years ago, I wrote that Paramount was a strong contender to become a sustainable streaming business because it had the only profitable sports slate in the business. The stock hasn't gone where I wanted it to go, but that is the one part of my thesis that has been definitively borne out. In fact, many now say that it is CBS's sports deals, at least as much as Paramount's film/TV studio, that the prospective buyers of Paramount are after.
I've covered these in other articles already. The March Madness deal runs until 2032 and the NFL deal runs until 2033, although the NFL has an opt out after 2029 that it will probably exercise given the utterly ludicrous bids the NBA is receiving, so the last four years of that deal might have to be chopped off the profit projections. Even so, Paramount can probably generate $1.25 billion a year in profit just off of those two deals for the next six years.
Those are probably the biggest, but it doesn't stop there. Almost every sports deal Paramount has is profitable. For all the flak management has deservedly taken, Paramount continues to show discipline and focus on sports. You won't find Paramount throwing $2.5 billion a year at the NBA's 'B' package, which is more money than the NFL gets for its 'B' package despite having 10x the viewership.
For all its many, many missteps, a Paramount that can just manage to stay afloat long enough for some of these ludicrous sports bets at other companies to blow up may yet find itself with cards to play later in the decade.

2: Recouping Write-downs Via Preferred Conversion

Another small boon has been the official conversion of the preferred shares. The Paramount mandatory convertible formerly trading under the PARAP ticker was capped at 0.85 shares per common share. Given the initial price of the convertible at $100 per share, that effectively means that a preferred share that was carrying a $100 liquidation value has just been converted into 1.1765 shares of a common stock currently trading around $12. A total value per preferred share of around $14.
And they sold for $1 billion, so that's basically $860 million back into the common equity that management was able to get at the peak of the boom. That actually repairs almost all of the red ink from Paramount's doomed international originals push on its own.

3: An End To Streaming Waste

Finally, a lot of the waste in streaming may soon be ending. Bob Bakish was finally fired a few weeks ago, and while I never want someone to lose their job, he frankly had looked overmatched for a while. Bakish was a lifetime cable executive who seemed to be having trouble making the transition to a streaming-world mindset. Frankly, if I knew about it in 2021, the CEO has no business fine-tuning it into the strategy in 2023.
With international originals no longer draining the coffers and overloaded entertainment programming shifted to months of the calendar where it can be more productive, streaming may yet turn the corner.
Investment Summary I recognize fully that each fall in Paramount stock makes my bullish optimism seem ever more out of step. I do believe, however, that Paramount's failures are more failures of execution than lack of scale or structural disadvantage. Paramount CEO Bob Bakish simply wasn't up to the job. Ironically that wasn't what got him fired; Bakish was almost certainly fired for opposing Redstone's plan to enrich herself at the expense of other shareholders, probably the most competent thing he did in the last few years of his whole tenure.
Paramount has everything it needs to be successful; profitable sports contracts, which is just unbelievable in this day and age, a thriving scripted TV operation, and a viable, if recently somewhat mismanaged, streaming service. An end to overload waste, the continued exploitation of its favorable sports slate, throttling back unhelpful international originals and boosting kids content engagement may yet produce a different streaming picture going forward. Should older viewers start to get more comfortable with streaming going forward and following their favorite programs to Paramount+, that would just be icing on the cake.
It's been a depressing ride the last few years, but I'm sticking with Paramount.

Task Force Monarch - Discord
Task Force Monarch - Website
Who are we?
We are a UK based ArmA III MilSim that pride ourselves in creating compelling campaigns with the aid of real-life international hard-politics and inspiration from prior conflicts involving UK Elite Special Forces.
We have an extensive selection process that reflects the UKSF Joint Selection Process. We greatly pride ourselves on our use of extensive skills such as CQC, Air-Assault, Close Protection, HUMINT and more. We rely on heavily detailed, intel-orientated campaigns and rarely have deployments / operations with pre-determined endings.
We are capable on providing a realistic yet enjoyable operation to our members. Our Operations are every saturday at 17:30 EST/10:30 GMT.
Detachments and positions Within Our Unit

• B Squadron SAS: UKSF 22nd Special Air Service B Squadron [Direct Action, Close Protection, COIN]
  • Patrol I/C and 2I/C
  • SF Medic
  • Weapons Specialist
  • Signals - FO/JTAC
  • Trooper

​

• X Squadron SBS: UKSF Special Boat Service X Squadron [Direct Action, Close Protection, COIN, Maritime Ops]
  • Patrol I/C and 2I/C
  • SF Medic
  • Weapons Specialist
  • Signals - FO/JTAC
  • Marine

​

• O Squadron SRR: UKSF Special Recognisance Regiment [Direct Action, HUMINT, COIN, Long Range Recon, Close Recognisance, HUMINT]
  • Patrol 2I/C
  • SF Medic
  • Signals - FO/JTAC
  • Trooper

​

• JSFAW: Joint Special Forces Aviation Wing
  • Rotary-Wing pilots and crew
  • Drone Operator
  • Support Weapon Systems Operator

​

• Joint Task Force HQ: Mission Design & Zeusing
  • Intelligence & Operations OfficeAnalyst: Zeus & Roleplayers

​

• SIS-MI6: Intel

What are our Deployments like?
As a brief summary, our operations are fast-paced, well planned and well executed.
However, in more detail, our operations are greatly based on real-world situations that the UKSF detachments are involved in. The planning of our deployments usually commence upwards of 3 months before the first operation. This planning includes extensive research, "news reports" and intelligence documentation that our J-2 and SIS-MI6 staff create. Once our deployment has started, our operations are rich in detail, intel, and role-play interactions.
All of this culminates into a big picture which allows detachment commanders and staff to surgically strike to defeat or destabilise the enemy. If certain information is not accumulated or is not acted upon this could change the course and outcome of the campaign.
Our deployments can span over multiple maps to simulate multiple provinces and regions. We usually take between 6 to 8 weeks to complete our campaigns.
Availability within detachments
Task Force HQ (OPEN)
22nd SAS - BSqn 7 Troop (OPEN)
SBS - XSqn 8 Troop (OPEN)
SRR - 0Sqn 3 Troop (CLOSED)
JSFAW (OPEN)
Entry Requirements * You must be 18 or older (Exceptions can be made on a strict probationary period) * You must have a legal copy of Arma 3 * You must have a working microphone * You must be proficient in English * You must be willing to be mature and dedicated to the unit * You must own APEX DLC (Tanoa) * A new Member must be willing to go through training & selection. * A new member must be willing to conform to rules and regulations set out on our discord.
How to Join us To join us, all you need to do is simply go to the discord link bellow, wait for a recruiter to contact you in #recruitment-chat and apply on the website from the links bellow.
Task Force Monarch - Discord
Task Force Monarch - Website
CSgt. G. Bendall
X Squadron, 8 Troop SBS IC
Directing Staff

Heya! I apologize for the word wall in advance. I'm excited, lol.
As the title says, I'm a person who absolutely adores snakes. To make a long story short, I currently can't get any more than the 9 I already have, so I was looking for a snake pet sim game to live vicariously through, and... there's nothing! The closest I can find are OviPets and Xanje, but neither of those are very close and personal with your pets, so it doesn't scratch the itch.
So, I want to take matters into my own hands and bring that snake pet sim game into existence! I need help to do it though, as I'm admittedly not very skilled in programming, audio, and 3D model work.
In this team, I would be the 'snake expert' (so-to-speak) that guides how the snakes themselves should be implemented to capture the realism of having them as pets (i.e., what sizes their enclosures should be, what they should eat and how often, what temperatures and humidity their tank should be kept at, their body language and personalities, morph genetics, etc.). I'll also conduct interviews with other experienced snake keepers to make sure all of my information is as accurate as possible.
I'd also be primarily responsible for planning how the gameplay works and how the gameplay loop should go, but I also feel like that's something everyone in the team should be able to contribute to if they want to, so that's by no means something exclusive to me alone. Everyone can have a say there.
I will also do 2D art (though not in a realistic style). I can do icons, UI, and other misc stuff as we need it. While I don't see much writing being in the game beyond tutorials and descriptions, I'll contribute all of that, too.
As I also have actual snakes, I will also need to record examples of behavior from them for the team to use as needed.
What I'm looking for is:
-A coder. As I have no relevant experience here, the coding language and engine would be up to this person. As long as it's something that can do 3D games, export to PC, track the conditions the snakes are in and simulate some degree of their genetics system, I'm open to whatever engine and programming language the coder is most comfortable with.
-An audio designer, as no game is truly complete without SFX and background music. Snakes don't make a lot of noises, but the few they do make are important, and we'll need something to fill in all that silence snakes make.
-Someone - or multiple people - to take on the work of 3D assets. Modeling, texturing, animating, and rigging. I know these are all different skill sets so I'm perfectly willing for multiple people to take on various parts of this role. There would be the snakes obviously, but also other assets like decoration pieces to be made. A lot of the fun with snakes and other terrarium / vivarium / aquarium pets is decorating the tank they live in, and I want this game to be able to capture that.
As for how big the game is going to be, I don't picture this being a very big game. Something around the size of Wobbledogs. The gameplay itself could go on forever in the same save file if the player wanted, but the game itself wouldn't be all that complex and would take place in a set amount of space. On funding, my ideal plan would be to get a team that can make a demo, and then see how much crowdfunding money can be gathered on IndieGoGo. That money would be split evenly between all team members to help us during development. When the game is complete and goes up for sale, same thing- profits are evenly split.
If you're interested in joining this project, please get into contact with me! This is a game I'd love to make a reality! Thank you for reading <3

I was almost followed into my apartment building last night but I'm not clear what this person's intentions were. I'm a woman in my 20s living in Brooklyn, I'm from NY, and have heard and been warned about walking home alone, but still have never experienced something like being followed, until last night. I was coming home from work and I got off at my regular train stop and started to walk to my apartment which is about 2 avenues from the train. I had both my earbuds in, but I wasn't listening to anything. I start to pass the park that is about a block away from me and I can feel and hear someone behind me, shuffling their feet as they walk. Not a problem, there was plenty of people around, both in the park and on the streets and sidewalks around it. It was about 7:30pm and still light out but the sun was going down. I get to the traffic light at the corner of the park when I notice this person is still behind me. I turned my head to the left slightly so I can see this person in my peripheral vision and I could see they were wearing a brown hoodie and had long brown hair, but still couldn't tell if it was a man or woman. I turned back to the street, crossed when the light changed and made a left, the next block was my street. I wanted to test if this person would pass me or walk in the same direction, so as I made it to my block I abruptly turned right and this person did the same. I'm now on the right side of my street but would have to cross to the left side where my apartment is, so as I was walking straight up my block I really quickly turned left and squeezed through a tiny space between two parked cars to cross the street, and I notice this person speeds up and does the exact same thing in the exact same spot!! This is when my heart started pounding. I started speeding up a little bit and I'm about 4 apartment buildings away from mine, and I hear this person's shuffling feet keeping pace with mine and speed up as I do, and I hear a single manly deep breath behind me. This is where I feel a little dumb, instead of continuing to walk up the street to a cafe or stop and tell someone (there was a few people walking on the sidewalk) I thought, "ok, our front lobby door locks whenever it's closed all the way, and if you don't have a key you can't get in, I'll just get inside there, close the door, and see what happens." So I get to my front 2 steps, jump inside the open lobby door, and immediately turn around and slam it shut. As I do this, this MAN WALKED RIGHT INTO THE DOOR and I come face to face with this man behind the glass. He was maybe in his late 20s to early 30s, light-skinned black man, with long brown almost waist length braids. He looked feminine and was actually quite pretty, but the look on his face was strange, like he was not fully there. His eyes were wide but the rest of his face blank, and he never looked away from me. Now get this, he never opens his mouth to say anything, but instead keeps those wide eyes on mine, holds up both of his hands, in one he's holding his iphone, which has a dead battery symbol on it and in the other hand is an ID, but it doesn't look like him on it. I totally should have read it, maybe it had the address to the same apartment on it, but I didn't even care, I just yelled "NO!" The thing is he readily had the ID in his hand, he didn't go into a pocket or a bag, he just had his hands up and ready to show me. I watched him never change his face, turn to his right and leave. I called my roommate to let her know, and she had a friend walk her home about two hours after I got in, so I wasn't alone for the rest of the night. I wish I took a picture of him with the ID and phone, but I was just weirded out that he tried to step inside right behind me but didn't try to come back in again or say a single word. I thought maybe I dropped my ID and he was returning it, but I checked and mine was in my wallet. Maybe he was asking for me to lend him a phone charger, but why would he follow me inside for that?! Was I overreacting?

Happy Wednesday, Barkada --

The PSE lost 49 points to 6634 ▼0.7%

Shout-out to Jing for alerting me to the crypto pump, to Rat Race Running for knowing that when talking about FILRT it's all about the context, to Atot for the positive feedback on Raymund's "would you rather" question on DDMPFILRT, to ApCap for simply laughing at FILRT, to Bestpupever for remembering MVP's botched Skycable deal, to grinsken, princessybyang, VodkaMartini_007, and Nv21 for the happy bday wishes, and to arkitrader for the accurate Tuesday meme.

▌In today's MB:

• VREIT Q1 div drops 23% q/q
• Ayala Land sells P3.2-B block of AREIT
• Figaro confirms "double-digit growth" plan
• Alliance Global injects P2.6-B into Megaworld

▌Daily meme Subscribe (it's free) Today's email

▌Main stories covered:

• [DIVS] VistaREIT Q1 dividend drops 23% q/q... VistaREIT [VREIT 1.75 ▲0.6%; 0% avgVol] [link] declared a Q1/24 dividend of ₱0.04132, payable on June 27 to shareholders of record as of June 5. The dividend has an annualized yield of 9.4% based on the previous closing price, which is considerably smaller than VREIT’s pre-dividend yield of 12.3%. The total amount of the dividend is ₱310 million, which is 100% of the ₱310 million in distributable income that VREIT declared for the quarter. Relative to VREIT’s IPO price, the div increased VREIT’s total stock and dividend return to 18.55% (up from 16.19%). The VREIT Q1 dividend is up 5.4% y/y, but down 23.2% q/q.
  
  • MB: I don’t know enough about VREIT to understand the quarter-on-quarter drop. This is the first dividend decrease in VREIT history, so we don’t have a past narrative of a Q4 to Q1 dip to gain comfort that this is just part of the regular business cycle for a malls-based REIT. Last year, VREIT’s dividend actually increased 1.5% between Q4/22 and Q1/23. But a 23% drop? *FILRT** be like: VREIT, I owe you an apology, I wasn’t familiar with your game. Does anyone have context to help me understand this one?*
• [UPDATE] Ayala Land sells ₱3.2-B worth of AREIT in block sale... Ayala Land [ALI 29.00 ▼2.4%; 121% avgVol] [link] disclosed that it sold 98 million common shares of AREIT [AREIT 33.00 ▼3.4%; 848% avgVol] in a private placement block sale at a price of ₱32.45/share. ALI said that the transaction was two-times oversubscribed at the clearing price, which was 5% under AREIT’s closing price from the previous day. The transaction raised ₱3.18 billion for ALI and increased AREIT’s public float to facilitate the planned property-for-share swap between ALI and AREIT.
  
  • MB: While I didn’t know exactly when this second block sale would happen, I did know that it was going to happen and I speculated back in January that it would probably come as a surprise and at a discounted price to AREIT’s market price at the time. Here’s a link to that analysis if you’re interested. At the end of the day, the first sale was at a 7.2% discount whereas this one was only at 5.0%, and the public float is now prepped to handle the SEC’s eventual approval of the transaction (whenever that happens) without plunging AREIT’s shareholders into chaos and confusion like what happened to *SP New Energy** [SPNEC 1.05 ▼0.9%; 85% avgVol] when the SEC approved its share swap and caught Leandro Leviste’s management team flat-footed.*
• [NEWS] Figaro confirms ₱1-B FY24 capex and “double-digit growth” target... Figaro [FCG 0.75 ▲1.4%; 95% avgVol] [link] confirmed statements made by its Chairman, Justin Liu, in an interview with Manila Bulletin. In that interview, Mr. Liu said that FCG’s FY24 capex target is ₱1 billion, that they’re looking to open 70 to 80 new stores this year, and that he expects this expansion effort to push earnings to grow “double-digits” this year. FCG confirmed all those statements. FCG’s indicated that it would expand from 150 stores at the end of 2022 to 300 stores by the end of 2029.
  
  • MB: According to its Q1/24 press release, FCG ended 2023 with 203 stores after adding 68 stores that year. If FCG were to put up another “70 to 80” stores this year, that would leave it with 273 to 283 total stores by the end of 2024, and give FCG plenty of time (5 years!) to complete the remaining 127 to 117 stores. Usually in the quick service restaurant world, periods of intense growth don’t correspond with periods of great profitability, so the “double digit” earnings growth target is what stands out to me the most. FCG net income was up 7.2% y/y last quarter, and that’s actually considerable given the previous year’s expansion and the current expansion, but that’s not double-digit growth. One thing that confuses me, though, is that in its Q1/23 quarterly report from a year earlier, FCG said that it ended 2022 with 150 stores. If it had 150 stores at the end of 2022 and then added 68 stores in 2023, shouldn’t it have 218 stores by now, not 203? I know, I know: 15 stores isn’t that big of a deal. Maybe it’s just a miscommunication between marketing and operations. Maybe there was a little bit of internal pressure to count 15 nearly-completed stores as completed stores in order to hit that IPO prospectus goal of 150 total stores by the end of 2022, and then they double-counted those 15 stores as part of the 2023 completes? I don’t know. I’m just going by the info they tell me. Any readers have any insight?
• [UPDATE] Alliance Global injects ₱2.6-B into Megaworld... Megaworld [MEG 1.89 ▼0.5%; 156% avgVol] [link] clarified the recent subscription of its parent company, Alliance Global [AGI 9.30 ▼2.8%; 185% avgVol], to 1.375 billion common shares at ₱1.90/share to say that it is part of a plan to increase MEG’s outstanding authorized capital stock by ₱5.5 billion (from ₱40.2 billion to ₱45.7 billion). MEG explained that it “intends to submit its application for increase in authorized capital stock... by around June 2024”, and will list the shares issued to AGI once the full payment of the subscription price is received. MEG said that the purpose of the sale and the larger transaction is for “supporting growth and future business expansions of [MEG] in line with [MEG’s] strategies and directions.”
  
  • MB: Once approved, this will give MEG’s management team 4.125 billion common shares that it can sell to fund its ambitious capex for FY24 and beyond. If MEG sold the remainder at the same ₱1.90/share price, that would bring in an additional ₱7.8 billion. If I were a shareholder, I’d be less concerned by the details of the transaction as I would be about the meaningless word salad of the rationale behind it. I know many MEG shareholders who are frustrated with the stock’s laggard price performance. MEG just recently touched a 12-year low, and is trading at prices that the stock has not seen since early 2012. It’s down 4% year-to-date, down 8.7% over the past 12 months, down 34% over the past 3 years, and down 69% (not nice) from its all-time high that it set back in July 2019. What’s the plan? So far it seems all I hear is “townships townships townships” but that “strategy and direction” hasn’t been profitable for shareholders for almost 5 years now.

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I(20F) and my best friend (21F) have been friends for a long time, since high school. Her bf(20F) is a complete JERK to her. He has cheated on her, gaslighted and manipulated her and so much more. They have been together on and off for about 3-4 years. What’s funny is, I went to middle school with her bf and he was a huge asshole to everyone then as well. When my friend first showed me that she matched with him on tinder, I immediately told her that he’s an asshole and he’s toxic and that she shouldn’t get with him. She did it anyways.
Once they started seriously dating, her bf started being an asshole to me and being racist so I told my friend that I wasn’t willing to hang out with her, if he was around and of course she didn’t want to do anything without him so I unfortunately felt like I had to cut ties with her and I did. Fast forward a year or two, I realized I was missing my best friend and she missed me too so we became friends again. As soon as we started talking again she started telling me all about the shit he’d done to her while we weren’t friends. He cheated on her, she would go through his phone and see him getting at multiple girls(and getting no responses), he would be asking multiple girls to hang out with him and would ask if he could take them on dates. She also told me about all the very rude and disrespectful things he’s said to her! I immediately started telling her that she needs to leave him! She would always tell me she was going to leave but it never happened. There were a few times where she actually did leave him, but they got right back together the next day. Whenever she brings up his name, I tell her ALL THE TIME that she needs to leave him because he’s literally cheated on her several times but for some reason she believes that, just because he’s only texting girls and not meeting up with them, he’s not actually cheating.
Anyways, fast forward a year, she’s still with him and still dealing with the same sht with him, him cheating, texting other girls, and just being a btch overall. She messaged me one day, crying saying she went through his phone and he was cheating… again but this time, he was actually meeting up with the girl and basically having a whole relationship with her on the side. She also told me that she was breaking up with him for good. I comforted her as usual and told her she’d be okay and that she deserves better and the next day she was posting pictures of them together, captioning the post “I love you” again…
This made me very upset because 1. I’m tired of hearing about the drama. Everyday it’s something new with their relationship, always him cheating with someone new, saying something else very disrespectful to her, her going through his phone and finding crazy sht(he also has a prn addiction) and I always comfort her but I’m just tired of it. At this point it’s almost like she’s doing it to herself. 2. I am always the one that has to be there for her and tell her the same stuff I always do, “you can do better” “you don’t deserve this” “just leave him already he obviously doesn’t love you” i’ve told her everything. I’ve been hard on her, i’ve been nice, i’ve been mean. She just never gets it I guess and it’s very exhausting for me! Everyday I hear about this, it’s all we talk about now and it’s annoying
I just want to know if I’d be the asshole, for cutting her off again but for good this time. All of this is exhausting for me and it’s growing old. It’s been 4 years now and she’s been dealing with this for the ENTIRETY of their relationship. Literally 3 months into their relationship, he was texting other girls. She’s basically allowing this to happen to her and i’ve stood by her side this whole time but I don’t think I can anymore. She’s just making herself look stupid. She’s already lost her two other best friends over the same thing and I don’t want to be the bad guy for leaving also but I’m just so tired.

It’s been almost 3 years since my partner broke up with me without a warning and signs. It is my first wlw break up and Im trying to find the best way to move on from her but I find it very hard. I really loved her (and I still do). We were a few hour distance from one another but we always made it work and I had the opportunity to meet her family too. She was my little sunflower. I really wanted for us to take our connection to the next level so I even got her a ring. Sadly, before I could see her and give it to her as a surprise she broke up with me one evening over the phone and just told me how nothing could change her mind. I was left heartbroken but I felt like begging her would be wrong of me if she was really unhappy or uncomfortable with me. I still keep her hand written love letters and sleep with the blanket she gave me just to have something to remind me of her. I desperately tried to stay in touch as friends but I realized it was unhealthy for me and Id drunk text her often sappy things. I deleted her number,our pictures but despite it all, no matter how much it pass sometimes i still wonder and hope she’d magically reach out again. Any helpful tips or advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you

New Kids on the Block is an American boy band from Dorchester, Massachusetts.
Members:
Jonathan Knight
Jordan Knight
Donnie Wahlberg
Danny Wood
Joe McIntyre
In the early 1980s, Maurice Starr discovered pop/R&B quintet New Edition, and guided their early success. After breaking ties with them, Starr and his business partner, Mary Alford, sought to create a white counterpart act. Fifteen-year-old Donnie Wahlberg impressed Starr and Alford with his rapping skills, becoming the group's first member. He was initially joined by his younger brother Mark, who left the group after only a few months. Donnie then recruited his school friends Jamie Kelly, Jordan Knight, and Danny Wood to join the group; Knight was followed into the group by his older brother Jonathan Knight, while Kelly left the group early on.
When a search was made to find a Michael Jackson-esque singer to replace Kelly, Starr recruited 12-year-old Joey McIntyre, who initially struggled to fit in with the group. With the final lineup in place, Starr rehearsed the boys after school and on weekends and eventually secured the group a recording contract at Columbia Records.
Originally, the group was called Nynuk (pronounced "na-nook"). Nikki Van Noy, the author of the group's official biography, wrote in 2012 that the name Nynuk is "meaningless", although a 1989 article by Rolling Stone suggested a possible connection to Nanook of the North. Columbia demanded Starr change the name of the group. Subsequently, they settled on New Kids on the Block, after a rap song that Donnie Wahlberg had written and arranged for their first album. The group was signed to Columbia's black music division and originally marketed to black audiences.

So, I want to preface this by saying I write solely in third person, and write a minimum of two paragraphs per response. I recently turned 18, and I’d prefer whoever I write with to be between the ages of 16 and 22. This story won’t include anything sexual, but there will be a lot of romantic tension and ideally some emotionally heavy moments! Bonus points if you have an original character in mind for this, and want to build a friendship outside of just being writing partners! There’s two chapters to this story, we can obviously write both but I’m more than okay with skipping over to the second chapter.
Our characters have been best friends since kindergarten. I’ve been to every one of your birthday parties, we’ve walked home together ever since we were in the second grade, we’ve even invited each other to family vacations, etc. We’ve always been close, in spite of how different we are. You were always more of an introvert, but I couldn’t be any more different. My outgoingness even landed me a small acting gig in a local commercial, which ended up snowballing into something bigger.
The first chapter of this story opens with what your character thinks is just another sleepover. My little brother keeps pestering us, all while you’re in awe of him and cheering him on. You’ve always thought of him as your own brother, and he even has a mild crush on you. Slowly, over the course of the night, our characters start to uncover some romantic feelings for each other. It’s always been looming over us, especially when other people pointed it out, but we’ve never paid much attention to it. After all, why can’t a boy and a girl just be friends. Later on, things come to a boiling point, only for my character to tell you that he’s moving to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career. You’re understandably heartbroken. The morning after is awkward and uncomfortable for more reasons than one.
The second chapter of this story opens three years later. Once I left town, we didn’t stay in touch. That wasn’t really your call. Every time you tried reaching out, you would never get the responses that you expected. You suspect it’s because I were too busy to keep up with you. To fill up the empty space, you started getting into songwriting and playing the piano because you needed some way to put into words just how angry you are at me. Instead of letting it eat you up inside, you wanted to channel it into something creative. You put some of your songs up on social media and gained a small following. You started getting messages from people in the industry who wanted to sign you to a record deal and eventually, you decided to bite. While in the midst of sending out college applications, you signed with a record label.
You got an apartment in Santa Monica and started going to recording studios to work on new music. You put out your first song, that one song you’d written years ago that kept resonating with you. Obviously it was about me. All of our old friends could tell it was about me. Suddenly, you’re everywhere. Your face is on billboards, your name is in tabloids, it was... terrifying. You get an invite to an industry event, from some CEO. You figure it’s a good way to make connections. After all, you’re the new girl in town. Everybody wants to talk to you... except me.
From the minute we spotted each other across the crowded room, I never once looked your way again. It made your blood boil. You want to scream at me, make a scene, and let everyone know what an asshole I am... but you couldn’t. Instead, I’d beaten you to the punch. I gracefully made my way to you and pulled me aside.

CAPUT I
...
Know, therefore, that the purpose of this book is to describe the four kinds of spirit-men, namely, the water people, the mountain people, the fire people and the wind people. Included among these four kinds are the giants, the melusines, the Venusberg and what is similar to them.
...
How things are in relation to us will have to be described in the following order:
First, their creation and what they are;
second, their country and habitation, where they stay and what their mode of living is;
third, how they come to us and let themselves be seen, how they mix and have intercourse with us;
fourth, how they perform some miraculous works, such as Melusine, the Venusberg and similar stories;
fifth, the birth of the giants and their origin, and also their vanishing and return.
...
CAPUT SECUNDUM
...
The flesh must be understood thus that there are two: the flesh from Adam and that which is not from Adam. The flesh from Adam is a coarse flesh, for it is earthen and is nothing else but a flesh that can be bound and grasped like wood or a stone. The other flesh which is not from Adam, is a subtile flesh and can not be bound nor grasped, for it is not made from earth. Now, the flesh from Adam is the man from Adam. He is coarse like the earth which is compact. And, therefore, man cannot go through a wall. He must make a hole to slip through, because nothing recedes before him.
But before the flesh that is not from Adam, walls recede, which means that such flesh does not require doors nor holes; it goes through intact walls and does not break anything. They are both flesh, blood, bone and so on, whatever belongs to a man, and in their whole nature they are like man’s. But they are different in that they have a double origin like two cousins; they are in equal way like a spirit and like man. The spirit goes through all walls and nothing locks him out; man, however, not, for he is locked out by the bolt or the lock.
...
With all this, they bear children, talk and eat, drink and walk—things that spirits do not. Hence, they are like the spirits in speed, like man in gestures, figure and eating, and so they are people who have the character of spirits and also that of man, and both are one in them. Although they are both spirit and man, yet they are neither one nor the other. They cannot be men, since they are spiritlike in their behaviour. They cannot be spirits, since they eat and drink, have blood and flesh. Therefore, they are a creation of their own, outside the two,... It must be understood further that although they are spirit and man, yet they are neither. Man has a soul, the spirit not. The spirit has no soul, but man has one. This creature, however, is both, but has no soul, and yet is not identical with a spirit. For, the spirit does not die, but this creature dies. And so it is not like man, it has not the soul; it is a beast, yet higher than a beast.
...
Now, they are separated from us because they are not from Adam and do not participate in the same earth from which Adam was made, but God has decreed that we may see them miraculously, which has a particular meaning, as will be discussed in the last treatise. They have children and their children are their kind, not ours. They are witty, rich, clever, poor, dumb like we who are from Adam. They resemble us in every way. Just as one says: man is the image of God, that is, he has been made after his image—in the same way one can also say: these people are the image of man and made after his image.
...
And so they are men and people, die with the beasts, walk with the spirits, eat and drink with men. That is: like the beasts they die, so that nothing is left; and neither water nor fire harms them, like the spirits, and nobody can lock them up, like the spirits, but they reproduce like men and therewith share his nature. They have man’s diseases and his health but their medicine is not from the earth from which man is made, but from the element in which they live. They die like men, but are dead like the beasts. Their flesh rots like other flesh and their bones like other men’s bones and nothing remains of it. Their customs and behaviour are human, as is their way of talking, with all virtues, better and coarser, more subtile and rougher. The same applies to their figures : they are very different, like men. In food they are like men, eat and enjoy the product of their labor, spin and weave their own clothing. They know how to make use of things, have wisdom to govern, justice to preserve and protect. For although they are beasts, they have all the reason of man, except the soul.
...
TRACTATUS II - ABOUT THEIR ABODE
...
Their abode is of four kinds, namely, according to the four elements : one in the water, one in the air, one in the earth, one in the fire. Those in the water are nymphs, those in the air are sylphs, those in the earth are pygmies, those in the fire salamanders. These are not good names, but I use them nevertheless.
...
The name of the water people is also undina, and of the air people sylvestres, and of the mountain people gnomi, and of the fire people vulcani rather than salamandri.
...
Now you must know that if their regions have to be described, they must be divided into their parts. For the water people have no intercourse with the mountain people, nor the mountain people with them, nor the salamanders.
...
The undinae have their abode in water, and the water is given to them as to us the air, and just as we are astonished that they should live in water, they are astonished about our being in the air. The same applies to the gnomi in the mountains: the earth is their air and is their chaos. For everything lives in chaos, that is: everything has its abode in chaos, walks and stands therein. Now, the earth is not more than mere chaos to the mountain manikins. For they walk through solid walls, through rocks and stones, like a spirit; this is why these things are all mere chaos to them, that is, nothing. That amounts to: as little as we are hampered by the air, as little are they hampered by the mountain, by earth and rocks.
...
Since water is the fish’s air, the fish does not drown, and so the unda does not drown either. As in the water, so in the earth: the earth is air to the gnomi; hence they do not suffocate. They do not require our air, we do not theirs. Thus also with the salamanders: fire is their air, as our air our air is. And the sylvestres are closest to us, for they too maintain themselves in our air, and they are exposed to the same kind of death as we, namely: they burn in fire, and we too; they drown in water, and we too; they suffocate in the earth, and we too. For, each remains healthy in his chaos; in the others he dies.
...
Let us philosophize further, about their food ... The sylphs are like men, nourish themselves like men in the wilderness, on herbs in the woods. To the salamanders the soil is earth, their heaven is the air, and fire their chaos. Thus food grows to them from the earth and from fire, and the constellation from air is their heaven.
...
About their clothing: they are clothed and cover their genitalia, but not in the way of our world, in their own way. For they have modesty and similar qualities, as men must have, have law and similar institutions, have their authorities, [etc.] ... To the beasts clothing is inborn by nature, but not to these people. To them nothing is inborn by nature; they must work for it like man whom they resemble. Their work, like man’s work, is in the nature and kind of their own world and earth on which they live.
...
**About their figures, know that they are different. The water people look like men, both women and men. The sylvestres do not conform, but are cruder, coarser, longer and stronger than both. The mountain people are small, of about two spans. The salamanders are long, narrow and lean. Their place and abode are in their chaos, as was mentioned before. The nymphs live in water, in running brooks, etc., so close that they grasp the people who ride through or bathe therein. The mountain people are in the mountain chaos, and there they build their houses. This is why it often happens that one finds in the earth an attic, vaults, and similar structures, of the height of about a yard. They have been build by these people for their abode and dwellings.
The water people do the same in their various places. Know also that the mountain people live in the caves of the mountains and this is why strange structures occur and are found in such places. These are their work. Know also about the fire people whose yelling, hammering and working can be heard in volcanic mountains. It can also be heard when the elements are incinerated. For all these things are the same as with us, but according to their secret quality. Those who travel through wild regions learn the reason for such beings and obtain information. There these beings are found. In the mines also, close to good ore, etc. they are found, and in waters the same also, and the vulcans near the Aetna. And there are many more marvellous things, about their coins, payments and customs, which would be too long in this connection, but will be described in their place.**
TRACTATUS III - HOW THEY COME TO US AND BECOME VISIBLE TO US
All that God has created, he reveals to man and lets come before him, so that man has and attains knowledge of all happenings of the creatures.
...
And in order that we may have a good knowledge of things, the water people have not only been truly seen by man, but have married him and have born him children. Thus also, the mountain people have not only been seen, but people saw them, and talked to them, and received money from them and blows and similar things. The same happened with the forest people, as was mentioned before, the people saw them and dealt and walked with them. Thus also, with the vulcans, who also, as mentioned before, appeared to man, and revealed themselves essentially, who they were and what had to be understood of them all.
...
The nymphs, namely, become apparent to us, but not we to them, except in what they tell about us in their world, as a pilgrim would, who had been in foreign lands. They do not need such rapture, the way the mountain people enrapture us, or the water people. For they have no power over man, and their world is not such that they could adopt us. Man is not subtile in body, but coarse in body and subtile in chaos, while it is the contrary with them. Therefore, they can well stand our chaos, but not we theirs. Their element also is in itself their chaos, which to us may not be chaos. Thus they appear to us, stay with us, marry with us, die with us, and also bear children.
...
This happens with the water people. They come out of their waters to us, make themselves known, act and deal with us, go back to their water, come again—all this to allow man the contemplation of the divine works. Now, they are men, but on the animal side alone, without the soul. From this it follows that they marry men. A water woman takes a man from Adam, and keeps house for him, and gives birth to children. Of the children, we know that they follow after the father. Because the father is a man from Adam, a soul is given to the child, and it becomes like a regular man, who has an eternal soul. ... Just as the condition of these people is, when they are in union with man, so is the condition of man, when he is in union with God.
From this it follows that they woo man, and that they seek him assiduously and in secret. ... they seek love with man, so as to be in union with men. With them all intelligence and wisdom are outside the qualities of the soul, and not the soul.
...
One must also know that not all of them may be married to us. The water people come first; they are the closest to us. Next after them come the forest people, then the mountain and earth manikins who, however, rarely marry humans and are only obliged to serve them. The vulcans never attempt to enter into union with humans, and yet are apt to serve them. Know also that two of them, namely the earth manikins and vulcans, are considered spirits and not creatures, being looked upon as a mirage only, or as ghosts. You must know, however, that just as they appear, thus they are, flesh and blood like another man, and with that, quick and fast like a spirit, as was told in the beginning. They also know all future affairs, present affairs and the past, which are not apparent but are hidden. In that they can serve man, protect, warn, guide him, and such like. For they have reason in common with man (except in regard to the soul). They have knowledge and intelligence of the spirit (except in regard to God). Thus they are highly gifted, and they know and warn, so that man may learn about such things, and see them, and believe in such creatures.
...
It is said of the nymphs, that they come to us from the water, and sit on the banks of the brooks where they have their abode, where they are seen, taken also, caught, and married, as we said before. The forest people, however, are coarser than they. They do not talk, that is, they cannot talk although they have tongues and enough of all that is needed for speech. In this point they differ from the nymphs, for the nymphs can speak in the languages of the countries; the forest people, however, cannot but they learn easily.
The mountain manikins are endowed with speech like the nymphs, and the vulcans speak nothing, yet they can speak but roughly and rarely. The nymphs appear, as was said before, in human clothing, with human features and desires. The forest people are like men, but shy and fugitive. The mountain people are like men, not tall, short; sometimes they reach about half the size of man or so, sometimes more. Thus and in the same way, the vulcans appear, fiery, and fire is all over their features and clothing.
They are the ones of whom one says: a fire man or spirit is going through the house; there goes a burning soul, etc. It often happens that such figures are seen. They also are the flames that are frequently observed as glowing lights in meadows and fields, running through each other and towards each other. These are the vulcans, but they are not found living with man, on account of their fire. They are often found with old women, however, that is, with witches, wooing them.
...
You must know, however, that there is danger with the fire people, because they are commonly possessed, and the devil thus rages in them, which causes great harm to man. Know also that he equally takes possession of the mountain people and thus makes them subservient to him, and of the forest people also. He then can be found in the forest possessing sylphs and venturing to make love to women who live in forest regions. But they all become like lepers, scabby and mangy, and there is no help for them either.
When these beings are not possessed by the devil they are human and seek union as has been mentioned. But they keep the way of spirits, in that they disappear. One who has a nymph for a wife, should not let her get close to any water, or at least should not offend her while they are on water. And one who has a mountain manikin with him, should not offend him, particularly not at places where they get lost. But they are so much obliged to man and so closely bound to him, that they cannot get away from him, unless there is a reason for it, and this happens at the place from which they come. If one has a wife, she does not get away from him, unless she is provoked while they are on water. Otherwise she will not disappear and can be held. The mountain manikins also must keep their pledges, when they are in service and have been pledged.
But obligations to them must be kept also, in all that is due to them. If duties are kept as should be, they are honest, constant, and intent on their work. And one must know that they are particularly loyal to man and much inclined to spending money. For, the mountain people have money, because they themselves coin it. This is how it must be understood. What a spirit wishes to have, he has, and their wishing and desiring is thus: when a mountain manikin wishes or desires a sum of money, if there is need for it, he has it, and it is good money. Thus they give money to many people in the galleries of mountains, to make them get away; they buy them off. All this is divine order— that they thus appear to us and that we see what is incredible to tell. Man is the most earthbound of all creatures. What he must have and wants, he must make for himself, and he obtains nothing by wishing and desiring it. But those people have what they need and desire, and man does nothing for it. They have it without work.
TRACTATUS IV
As we came to the end of the treatise, we had sufficiently discussed the necessities of these beings, and how they come to man. You must now, furthermore, know about their disappearance from man, and about their doings with us, with many such tales and stories that have happened with them, in many queer ways.
...
It also happens that sirens are born. They are water women too, but live more on the water than in it. They are not split like fish, but are more like a virgin, yet their form is not quite that of a woman. They bear no children but are monsters, just as a strange human being can be born from two normal parents. I would like to put it thus: the water people reproduce themselves like humans, but when it happens that they produce a monster, these monsters are sirens that swim on the water, for they repudiate them and do not keep them. This is why they occur in many forms and figures, as it happens and is the case with all monsters.
Thus we marvel not only at the water people but also at the sirens, who have many strange features and are very different from people. Some can sing, some can whistle with reeds, some can do this and that. Monks are also born from nymphs, that is, a monster which is shaped just like a monk. This you must know, namely, that such growths that are comparable to men and are found in some places, come from men, that is, they come from water people, earth manikins and similar beings.
...
To continue the discussion of these beings, know that such people also convene and assemble in one place, where they may live together and seek intercourse with man, for they love him. ... There are more women than men in such groups, few men, many women; hence they are after men whenever they have a chance. From such people a group originated that is called the Venusberg. It consists of nothing else but a kind of nymphs, thrown together in a cave and hole of their world, yet not in their own chaos, in man’s chaos, but in their regionibus. Know about them that they reach a very old age, but you cannot notice it, because their appearance remains the same from beginning to end, and they die unchanged. Venus was a nymph and undine who excelled others and reigned for a long time, but she died and the succeeding Venus was not as endowed as she had been. She died in the course of time and her kingdom vanished. There are many tales about her.
...
There is a story about a different beginning. It tells of a queen who resided there and sank into the earth. It was a water woman who resided there. She went into the mountain, under the pond that was above her, in her region. There she took her abode, and for making love, she built a gallery, for her to get to the lads and they to her. Such strange things happened there that nobody was able to report about these beings, what they were or where they were from, until it came to an end. It is quite possible that this could happen again should another nymph come, equal to her.
...
There is also a true story of the nymph in Staufenberg who sat on the road in all her beauty and served the lord she had chosen. ... Our nymph was a water woman. She promised herself to von Staufenberg and stayed also with him, until he married another wife, and took her for a devil. Taking her for a devil and considering her such, he married another woman and thus broke his promise to her. Therefore, at the wedding, she gave him the sign, through the ceiling, during the banquet, and three days later, he was dead.
...
We must pay equally great attention to Melusine, for she was not what the theologians considered her, but a nympha. It is true, however, that she was possessed by the evil spirit, of which she would have freed herself if she had stayed with her husband to the end. For such is the devil that he transforms these beings into different shapes, as he also does with the witches, transforming them into cats and werewolves, dogs, etc. This happened to her also, for she never was free of witchcraft but had a part in it. A superstitious belief resulted, that on Saturdays she had to be a serpent. This was her pledge to the devil for his helping her in getting a man. Otherwise, she was a nympha, with flesh and blood, fertile and well built to have children. She came from the nymphs to the humans on earth and lived there. But then, as superstitio seduces and vexes all beings, she went away from her people in her superstitious belief, to the places where the seduced people come who are bewitched in superstitionibus and spell-bound. Mind you, she remained the same serpent to the end of her life, and God knows how long it lasted.
...
TRACTATUS V - DE GIGANTIBUS - On Giants
You must know further that there are two more kinds that belong to the kind of nymphs and pygmies, namely, the giants and dwarfs, who are not born from Adam. Although it is a fact that Saint Christopher was a giant, yet he took birth from human seed, and hence we shall not write about him. But we shall write about the other giants, referred to in the stories of Bern, Sigenott, Hiltbrant, Dittrich, etc., also about the dwarf Laurin and others. Such stories are frequently rejected, but you must know that the same people who reject them, reject also much more important truth.
...
To come to an end, know that such people, giants and dwarfs, may well make women from Adam pregnant, because same likes to meet same, and nature may permit it. Yet you must know that the monsters are not fertile, although they are monsters only so far as their strength and size is concerned; they are not misbuilt. But they have only one seed available, that is, they do not attain the third, fourth, etc. generation. Know also that when they get into man’s kind, the result is uncertain. If the child’s body takes after the mother it falls into her kind; if not, it becomes a beast like the father. It is not possible for it to become a mixed being because the seed of one of the two always prevails. It happens otherwise that both become one seed, but here not. And if it were one seed it would have to be qualified by the one partner who gives the soul. More is said about this subject in other philosophical treatises, and there is no need to tell it here. Their kind, however, has died out and they have left no descendants to replace them.
TRACTATUS VI - ON THE CAUSES OF SUCH CREATURES
Now that we must reflect in terms of natural philosophy about the causes of these creatures we must remember the facts, all the points, many of which have been discussed in the previous treatises. We need not repeat them here. Further causes that may be explored are these: namely, that God has set guardians over nature, for all things, and he left nothing unguarded.
Thus gnomes, pygmies and mami guard the treasures of the earth, the metals and similar treasures. Where they are, there are tremendous treasures, in tremendous quantities. They are guarded by such people, are kept hidden and secret so that they may not be found until the time for it has come. When they are found, people say: in times-of old there used to be mountain manikins, earth people here, but now they are gone. This means that now the time has come for the treasures to be revealed. The treasures of the earth are distributed in such a way that the metals, silver, gold, iron, etc., have been found from the beginning of the world on, and are being discovered by and by.
...
[Now of] the fire people. They too are guardians, of the fireplaces, in which they live. In these places the treasures, that others guard, are forged, prepared, made ready. When the fire is extinguished, it is the earth manikins’ turn to be on guard. And after the earth manikins’ guard, the treasures are revealed. It is the same with the air people. They guard the rocks that lie on the surface, that have been made by the fire people, and put at the place where they belong, from where they get into man’s hands. They guard them so long, until the time has come. Wherever there are treasures, such people are on hand. These are hidden treasures that must not be revealed yet.
...
The nymphs in the water are guardians of the great water treasures, that lie in the sea and other waters, that have also been melted and forged by the fire people. It is, therefore, commonly understood that where nymphs are, there are considerable treasures and minerals and similar matters which they guard. This is apparent in many ways.
...
The cause of the sirens, giants, dwarfs, also of the will-o’the-wisps, who are monsters of the fire people, is that they predict and indicate something new. They are not on guard, but signify that misfortune is threatening people. ... when this is going to happen, signs occur. These beings are such signs, as has been said, but not they alone; there are many more. You must know that the signs change each time. They do not appear in one way, but are hidden to our eyes.
And, finally, the last cause is unknown to us. But when the end of the world will come close, then all things will be revealed, from the smallest to the largest, from the first to the last, what everything has been and is, why it stood there and left, from what causes, and what its meaning was. And everything that is in the world will be disclosed and come to light. Then the fake scholars will be exposed, those who are highly learned in name only but know nothing by experience. Then, the thorough scholars and those who are mere talkers will be recognized for what they are, those who wrote truthfully and those who traded in lies, the thorough and the shallow ones. And to each will be measured according to his diligence, earnest endeavor and truth. At that place, not everyone will be or remain a master, or even a doctor, because there the tares will be separated from the wheat and the straw from the grain. He who now cries, will be quieted, and he who now counts the pages, will have his quills taken away. And all things will be revealed before the Day of Judgment breaks, order that it be found of all scholars, from the past to that very day, who had knowledge and who not, whose writings were right and whose wrong. Now, in my time, this is still unknown. Blessed will be the people, in those days, whose intelligence will be revealed, for what they produced will be revealed to all the people as if it were written on their foreheads. For that time I also recommend my writings for judgment, asking that nothing be withheld. Thus it will be, for God makes the light manifest, that is, everyone will see how it has shone.

Okay, so for this post there are a lot of people involved (this has been going on for a while) so I'll list up here who's who. This is my wife's family. I'll be using code names when appropriate:
Father-in-law - FIL
Mother-in-law - MIL
Wife(oldest daughter) - Wife
Second daughter - Sarah
Third daughter - Lana
Fourth daughter - Ruth
Second daughter's husband - BIL
Third daughter's fiancee - Karl
My daughter - daughter
Second daughter's older son - Danny
Second daughter's younger son - Aaron
And me as me
I know this is long but bear with me TL;DR Brother-in-law has snapped the last straw for the family and we are all starting to cut ties with him

 BIL's family has their own side of the story that I'm barely familiar with, so it won't be brought up here. We first met BIL way before they got together; Sarah bought a house as a group of friends with her boyfriend at the time, and BIL and his second wife at the time. We didn't interact with him much. We just heard a few stories about him from their friend group. Eventually this situation broke down and BIL and his second wife left and vandalized Sarah's home on the way out. They let their dogs poop all over the floor, stole some miscellaneous items, poured water in their lawn mower gas tank, etc. He did this to Sarah, his future third wife. We thought this guy was out of our lives forever. Sarah eventually came to stay on my couch after she sold the house. She lived with me and my wife for roughly 3 months. Then she went and rented an apartment a few miles away. No sooner than a few weeks did we find out she was dating future BIL, and a few weeks after that we found she was pregnant. He met the family and stated that he wanted to be a part of it. He blamed all his past transgressions on his second wife. We questioned him at the time if he was still with his second wife. He said no, and that he was officially divorced. My wife looked up the public court records and found out that he didn't file divorce papers until 11 days after we asked that question. A small lie but considering our history of knowing him it was concerning. BIL is a big gun enthusiast. About 1 months after they told us Sarah was pregnant, while cleaning a gun at home he shot himself in the hand. Again, we were concerned but Sarah assured us he was a changed man and this was just an unfortunate accident. His hand healed but he didn't do his physical therapy that seriously so his hand is still kind of jacked up. I feel this is important because he kind of has a history of not following through on what he says. During Sarah's pregnancy we found out that BIL seriously beat one of their dogs back when they bought the house together. We also figured out he diagnosed himself with bipolar, but refused to go to a doctor to get an actual diagnosis. The whole family at the time was distracted by all of this because during Sarah's pregnancy my wife went through a major medical struggle that resulted in multiple surgeries and a months-long stay in the hospital. We were so focused on that the BIL details just kind of came and went at that moment. Sarah gave birth to Danny during COVID lockdown. We were so excited and we all were very active in Danny's life. Time would pass and we just kind of got used to BIL being despite the fact that he often would miss family events. BIL and Sarah would move into a house on my in-laws property just down the road from in-laws house. MIL became their primary caregiver as she could work it around her job and still make decent money. As 4 years have passed my MIL, FIL, Lana, my Wife and I all take shifts of watching their now 2 kids for them, for free. MIL also watches my daughter but significantly less that their son's. 2 years would pass after Danny was born and everything seemed OK. There would just be hints in they way he talked about who he really was. He would say something in casual conversation like "man, there seems like there are too many black people in commercials these days" or "I don't know why we are forcing women's sports to be a thing." Bigoted stuff like that, but veiled enough so there was plausible deniability. I would often call him out on it, so he really grew to not like me. This all changed at his 30th bday. He had a big party with a lot of alcohol and weed with dozens of friends. My wife and I didn't go because we are not party people. Lana and Ruth went to the party. Sarah was also there. During this party BIL went outside and decided to "mud" his jeep through the creek beside their house. This was possibly with Karl but I'm not sure of that to this day. Karl has recently come into the picture prior to this event and was previously friends with BIL for a long time. The jeep got stuck and flooded for obvious reasons. After trying to get it out of the creek by multiple means, they gave up and left it there. I believe it took almost 2 days to get it out. He went back to the party and as everyone got progressively drunk and high, my 2 sister-in-laws Lana and Ruth (I believe) criticized BIL for getting his car stuck in a creek while playing. BIL verbally assaulted them and demanded they get out of his house. They left in tears. They drove separately, and Lana had gotten buzzed so they both got in Ruth's car and drove to my house. They sat and vented to my wife and I for a while, and eventually I offered that we should go do something fun to take their minds off of it. My wife and I drove them to Taco Bell and we got some food and drove around town for a while and made jokes in the car. After they cooled off and were in a better mood they said that Lana needed to go get her car from the party. In a flurry she accidentally left her keys inside her sister's and BIL's house. We drove them over just in case anything sketchy happened but Lana and Ruth didn't want us to go inside, so we waited out in the car. She didn't think it would be a big deal to walk in, but as her and Ruth did BIL immediately got in her face and demanding she gets out or else. Ruth went to talk to someone else at the party and didn't notice this at first. BIL shoved Lana against a wall and held her there. Everyone apparently stood in stunned silence as this happened. He then shoved her to the ground, grabbed her around the ankles and started pulling her across the floor. As he was threatening to do even worse, Ruth ran up and jumped on his back and gave him a head lock. She screamed at him to stop but before BIL could anything about this everyone finally woke up and pulled them apart. Ruth helped Lana up and they ran out of the house onto the front porch sobbing. My wife saw this and got out of the car and yelled at them to get back in our car. We drove up to the in-laws house. By then it was past midnight. MIL was about an hour away working her job and FIL was up in his room asleep. The sisters went and woke him up and explained the situation through tears. They also called MIL to inform her of the situation. He got ready and ask me to go with him down to the house to get some answers. The sisters stayed up at the house. We drove down in his car and when we got out the entire party was ready for us and greeted us at the car. Literally over a dozen people, most of whom I did not recognize started screaming what happened at both of us simultaneously. Everyone was clearly very drunk. FIL looked overwhelmed, so I raised my hands and tried asking everyone to stop for a second and go one by one telling their bit of the story. BIL stopped me mid sentence and pointed his finger in my face. I noticed he had his other hand on a holstered hand gun. He yelled out "You don't have a say here! You're barely even part of this family." For context, I had been with my wife for over 11 years at that time and he hadn't even married Sarah yet and had been there about 2 1/2 years. FIL backed up and told me that I need to stop talking and that I was being a problem. I backed off and went over the yard to Sarah and Karl. I asked Sarah what happened and she told me that she didn't see what happened and that she wasn't very aware of what was going on now. Karl would barely answer the same question. I walked back over to FIL but he told me to back off and that I really wasn't needed there. Admittedly I felt pretty insulted and just decided to walk back to his house and get my car and go home with my wife. We eventually left after FIL came back to the house. We found out later that BIL had pulled his gun out and threatened to kill himself if FIL didn't leave. Out of fear of what he would do, my in-laws were pretty afraid to take action at this point. A lot of the situation was his word against someone else's and Sarah went on a tour around to the friends and convinced them not to take any of this to the police. She then tried to smooth things over with the family and offered that BIL would apologize to everyone. He then refused, stating that Ruth was the real aggressor and that she assaulted him. He eventually agreed to apologize to just FIL for causing a problem and I think some half-hearted apologies to Lana and Ruth. The whole situation was swept under the rug but an unease has existed over the family since then. He stopped coming to family events pretty much altogether. About 4 months after this situation, prior to my daughter being born, he told MIL he was going to bring Danny up to their house so she could watch him for a few hours while he took a nap. His job works long hours so this wasn't out of the ordinary. However, he didn't show up for a while and my MIL started questioning what going on. She called but there was no answer. She drove down to his house and knocked but there wasn't an answer, only Danny crying in the background. She let herself in and found BIL asleep on the couch with Danny actively trying to wake him up. MIL tried to wake him up but nothing for a few minutes. She gave up and wrote a note to let him know where Danny was. BIL didn't notice Danny was gone for 2 hours. He finally woke up, drove up to in-laws house, and yelled at my MIL for just taking Danny without informing him. He took Danny and then left. A few months after that, after my daughter was born, He fell asleep while watching Danny again. This time we found out because when he woke up the front door was open and Danny was gone. He called in-laws for help finding him. My in-laws have a large property (about 200 acres) with a ton of it forested. Danny wandered 1/4 of a mile into the woods and I believe it took roughly a little over an hour to find him. Family questioned him hard this time but he just recoiled back into their house and didn't talk to us much. Sarah continued to defend him and said it was just an accident. Again the police were not notified about any of this. There was always this idea that if we went to authorities about any of this they would just run for it. They would then surprise everyone with the news that they were pregnant again, despite the fact that Sarah had used the morning after pill. This whole time they hadn't married yet. They announced that they were getting married but Sarah told Lana that it was mostly just to help BIL not have to go through bankruptcy a second time. I wasn't sure if this would do anything to help that situation, but that's what Sarah said at one point leading up to the wedding. About a month before the wedding, however, he threatened Sarah that if she insisted on inviting my wife to the wedding he would demand to invite a friend of his that Sarah hated. This friend also used to date BIL I believe. This was his ploy to force Sarah to not invite my Wife or me. The 2 other sisters and MIL all stood in solidarity with us and said that they would also not go if we weren't invited. He eventually relented and they got married a little before Aaron was born. As more kids were added, MIL's childcare duties got much harder. Eventually my wife and I started paying her (not much but something at least. $150 a month) to watch our daughter, but we also did chores for her, bought her food often, and eventually my Wife started taking a few shifts to watch all 3 children. To date, BIL and Sarah have never compensated any of us for our work. It's a little frustrating but we've tried to understand because Sarah and BIL seem to be bad with money. They objectively make more than us yet can't afford to pay MIL anything. Last Thanksgiving, in the middle of dinner, Sarah and BIL decided to have an "intervention" and talk about how we were not treating BIL fairly. They addressed everybody but really honed in on me specifically. This seemed to be because the rest of the family kind of dance in eggshells around them, while to be frank I'm pretty honest about how I feel about them. They seemed to think I was causing the family to turn against him and questioned why I would do that. I told him he lacked humility. He said he didn't understand. I told him that if he admitted to his mistakes and actually apologized about any of the stuff I previously wrote, instead of blaming everyone and everything else then the whole family would feel a bit different about him. A lot of talk was about the 30th b-day and other times when I just ignored him and how he had already apologized about the party. I reminded him that he didn't apologize to most of the family and he blamed Ruth. He then stated that Ruth was the cause of a lot of the problems at that party. He also made a big deal about how the family doesn't trust him with my daughter and kept emphasizing how he has never held her. We finally tried to come to an agreement. I told him I would try to talk to him more and try to understand him better and he said he would try to come to family events more. He also wanted more of a relationship with my daughter. We left and my wife and I were skeptical but we said that if this is who Sarah really wanted to be with, as long as BIL wasn't perceived as a threat he could have more contact with our daughter. We have had way more of a relationship with his kids than he has had with our daughter so I tried to sympathize with that imbalance. Karl also stated later that having known BIL for a long time, he thought he was very sincere. To date, BIL has not asked or tried at any family events to spend any time with my daughter, despite having numerous opportunities. Now to the current situation. About a month ago Lana and Karl announced that Lana was pregnant. This was a revelation due to Lana having a medical condition that made it harder to get pregnant. A lot of excitement was brewing in the family because of this. Karl has been seeming like a good partner to Lana, and proposed to her a little before the pregnancy happened. This is especially pertinent because Lana and Karl moved into a house together right beside BIL and Sarah. A few days ago they were over at Sarah and BIL's house when an argument broke out between Sarah and BIL. BIL demanded that Sarah wasn't an "obedient enough wife" and that if she wanted there marriage to work then she was going to have to get better at serving him. She was upset and they weren't coming to an agreement so he was going to leave, but apparently he was very high so Sarah refused to give him the keys to his car. He got extremely mad and then got a gun, held it to his head, and threatened to kill himself if she didn't hand over the keys. Fortunately, Danny and Aaron were taking a nap during all of this. Sarah called the police during this whole exchange and the operator heard a lot of what BIL said over the phone so based on that they arrived at the house. He apparently drove away and it took the police a bit to find him but once they did he turned himself over. They admitted him to a mandatory 72-hour stay at a psychiatric ward for a mental health assessment. Sarah then came up to the rest of the family (not me or my Wife) and gave them Danny and Aaron. She then went and confided with Lana and Karl about how abusive BIL had been and how life was just miserable right now. A lot of us, especially Karl and my in-laws, were telling her that she needs to leave BIL and file for emergency custody of her children. She seemed to be listening to us and turning a corner, but inexplicably the psychiatric ward allowed BIL to have a phone call with Sarah and they had a long conversation. Suddenly, Sarah shut us all out and completely changed her story. She started defending BIL again. BIL was then let out of the psychiatric ward a day early. Since Karl was working at the time, Lana came to stay with us and then over at her in-laws. We are especially concerned about her safety around BIL due to her being pregnant. They have since cut nearly all contact with us for 4 days now. They have only told Karl that they were getting a new TV because the old one mysteriously broke somehow. They have continued to post on social media like nothing has happened. They have spent 2 days with BIL's family so we aren't sure what their opinion of this is, though we do know a sibling of his has also told Sarah to leave him prior to this latest situation. We don't know what their plans for childcare is because they are wholly reliant upon us. Lana is very reluctant to ever be home alone. Ruth is as well. There are so many other details I haven't mentioned. There have been holes in walls they've had to fix. There is some evidence that BIL is cheating on Sarah, but that evidence is somewhat inconclusive. The bigoted comments for a while now have gotten increasingly misogynistic. It's a lot of 'we need to respect proper gender roles' kind of stuff. There's just too much and I've already written a book on here. I don't really know what to do at this point. Because a lot of this stuff has been swept under the rug it's hard to tell how seriously CPS or police would take our claims. FIL has threatened to kick them out of their very cheap rental they're in now. Who knows what they would do in that scenario. I know this post is detailed and because of that BIL or Sarah might see it, but at this point I wonder if I even give a shit. They've already eluded to keeping their sons from us in the past and the vibes we are getting now is that they are already doing it. And from the bottom of my heart, fuck BIL. 

I love your big cheeks when you smile. You always wanted to get braces, but I love your teeth the way they are.
I love your soft heart. I’d always admire how you cry. I’m sorry I made you cry so much sometimes. I’m too much like my parents.
I love that you always want to grow and how you can look forward. I’m so proud of you. I’m so grateful I was there to see you get your degree, to see you move out, to be part of your life.
I love that you love yellow and sunflowers and the sky. You were always so bright. I also don’t like it now too, because whenever I see something happy, I think of you, and it makes me really sad. Being happy makes me sad.
If art was for me, music was for you. I miss hearing you hum and sing. You’re a great singer. I can’t listen to soft songs anymore.
I loved giving you my last bite every time. Sitting across from you made me happy. It was always enough for me to just be with you. I didn’t need any gifts or flowers or letters, but I got those too anyway.
Sometimes you’d slap your big belly, and I’d slap it too. I liked that. Do you remember when I’d cuff your sleeves before work? Or run to get your hairbrush one more time? How you’d scare me through the window while I washed the dishes? How I’d hug you at the door when you came home? Scrubbing your back in the shower? Waking you up just so I could remind you that I love you? I miss calling you over so you could just lay on top of me. When we rolled on the floor after moving into your new apartment.
My friends and family say I idealize you too much. But I don’t think so. I did the cliche thing, the important healing step, where I made a list of all the pet peeves and transgressions. But it didn’t feel right, hating you or villainizing you. You had your flaws, your quirks and those were fine with me. It just reminded me you were human. The weird way you sleep, how’d you get a little too angry at video games, how you’d be too anxious to go out sometimes. I love the human you.
Sometimes I wish you were horrible to me, to make this easier. Everyone else I talk to had horrible exes, mean ones. When I listen to their stories, it’s not you I think about. It’s me, maybe. Maybe that’s what I am to you.
I went to Chickfila and Cheesecake Factory on my own to try and replace our memories. I took myself to brunch and looked at the colors of the floor, the ceilings and the letters hanging on the wall to stay grounded. I browsed the shelves of the Korean Mart where I’d buy you snacks and looked at the chocolate bar selection at Aldi’s. I went to an arcade with new strangers I met and tried to win myself my own prize.
My therapist asked me to recall a happy memory, a content one. I told her about how I drove your car over the Golden Gate Bridge. We stopped at the viewing vista over the San Francisco Bay, and I kissed you on the cheek as I took a picture. It was my favorite picture of us, I had it printed so many times and pinned to my wall. In that memory, I felt safe, I felt warm, I felt content, I felt loved.
I hate how you said I never loved you, how I am unable to love. What is this feeling then? And where does this pain come from, if not my shattered heart?
Because I love you, I’m supposed to let you go. Be happy for you and send you off with love. But you’re not here anyway, so I hope it’s okay if I hold on for a little while longer. Write you a letter, or two, and look for you in every song lyric and in every flower by the street. Think of you as the clouds pass by and feel you in my chest when I find a laugh.

(Not asking for exact legal/ medical advice just thoughts, please don’t remove) ecently I had the worst doctor visit of my life. I was medically gaslight, lied too, told my past condition didn’t exist and more. I was having alloottttt of irregular 🐱 bleeding. Less than a week before, I was seen in urgent care they ran a ton of tests but could only do pelvic exams/ DNA testing. I continued to bleed (also at the time having terrible GI issues so pain is hard to pinpoint) and with my POTS ended up fainting.
Because of this I went to the ER and it was the worst visit of my life. From the beginning he was so mean to me, I don’t even know why. Now I’ve had a lot of doctor appointments and neither his nurse or himself asked if his student was allowed to be in the room/help/anything of the sort. He wanted to re run some tests including a pelvic exam. I told him I would run other tests but not the pelvic since it was ran less than a week ago and I have PTSD, and that’s a trigger. He said that’s fine and I didn’t have too.
After a whole bunch more treating me like sht and not addressing the problem at hand (the bleeding) he kept trying to focus on my POTS (which had only been exasperated because of the bleeding). I ended up recording the conversation a minute or so in because he was being so mean. I live in IA (one party consent) but he also said he knew I was recording when I told him. Later on after knowing I was consenting to every test but the pelvic he told me I would not be discharged if it wasn’t completed. He did not tell me I could sign an AMA just for the pelvic exam. I was told I couldn’t get a new doctor because one wasn’t in but would be in at 10. When 10 came around I didn’t get a new doctor, I could not get a second opinion, and was full blown in a PTSD attack walking out the door.
I made a complaint to the hospital, which today, I found out literally just had a talk with him (not even like as he did something wrong more like checking boxes) so I started to look more into the HIPPA laws. They are confusing to me, I won’t lie, but I thought it was seeming since an unauthorized student had access to my mental health record, lab results (including STD testing), and general file it was a violation. It was found a couple days later multiple cysts in my ovaries were found. A pelvic exam would’ve never showed that and he just wanted to discharge me after a pelvic exam….

I have absolutely no idea what to do. I have nobody to rely on. I don't know what to do. I am 19f. My life is a complete shit show. I was bullied not only emotionally but physically throughout my childhood, primarily due to being neurodivergent, though I didn't know that at the time, just thought I was "weird" and nobody liked me despite being a kind kid. I was obsesssed with early childhood education, reading books by Maria Montessori and writing teaching philosophy statements at the age of 8. I was paralyzed for about a year at the age of 11 and suffered severe medical trauma in the hospital as well. I felt my autonomy was stripped away from me and various professionals there, looking back, were abusive and negligent. There in the hospital I remember wanting to die for the first time. When I got out, the bullying just got worse because now I had the whole being-in-a-wheelchair-thing going against me too. I ended up doing stupid shit to impress my peers and try to make friends, which just meant that I was constantly getting into trouble as a younger teen, which didn't help my mental health. I tried to kill myself at 13. My mom slapped me in the face while I was bleeding from my wrists and told me I was going to ruin her reputation and that I couldn't go to the hospital. I really needed stitches, I still have very visible scars from that day. She sewed holes in some long sleeved shirts for me to put my thumbs through to hide my arms at school and told me not to tell anyone. Things were never the same between me and my parents. I began at 14 seeking validation from adult men online. It was stupid and reckless, but it helped in the moment. I was kidnapped a week before I was supposed to start high school by a 33 year old man. He drove me to a different state 500 miles away, raped me, and tried to strangle me to death before police came. They treated me like a suspect and handcuffed me and made me sit in a cold car for 3 hours in the middle of the night. There was an amber alert sent out all over. I was put in a psych ward for about a week and then began 9th grade at a new school as "the girl from the amber alert" to everyone around me. Everyone was talking about it and asking for specifics and making jokes about what happened to me. It also made me a target for older boys who thought it was evidence that I was easy to manipulate. One of them ended up being the reason I had to leave school a month later. I did online school with my now emotionally abusive parents for several months before starting at a new school. But then, covid shut everything down again, and it was all taken away from me. My mental health was terrible and my parents opted for an unhelpful tough love approach. I became very hypersexual due to my trauma, which ended in me being assaulted more times than one. My parents blamed me and began to resent me, their words not mine. I entered a long term relationship at 16 with a boy I truly loved, we will call him K. K got me pregnant and I wanted to keep it, but my parents forced me to get an abortion with illegal drugs. It was traumatizing and I spiraled. A mentor figure who was a family friend betrayed me horribly. K got me pregnant again. I was on birth control, though everyone believes it was intentional, it was not. My parents said I could either get an abortion or leave home, so I moved out at 17. I got my shit together. For a while, things were good. I got an associates degree incredibly quickly and began a successful career in early childhood education as I had always dreamed. I worked my way up to a lead teacher at 18 and loved it. K and I were so happy. He proposed. The kind of true love most people never get to experience. Most of my peers drifted away during my pregnancy. I didn't care, I had K, my unborn baby, and my job. Then, while in labor, I found out K was cheating on me the entire time. I forgave him and we tried again, though I was postpartum and heartbroken. I stayed home with my newborn son while he worked, or so I thought. Really, he got fired or never went to every job I thought he had. He would drive there and turn his data off so his location was set there all day. He would stage pictures and talk about work. Really he was cheating, doing drugs, and playing video games while I was at home with our baby. His anger issues got worse and he'd get violent but not to the extent that I couldn't justify it to myself. His whole family knew. The cycle of him being caught and apologizing profusely and then doing it again went on for a while before he said that he needed to get out of his house where his cheater DV father was impeding his progress in getting better. I love him. It made sense, his dad was clearly where the behavior stemmed from. I left my housing program to get him out and we all 3 lived in hotels for a few months. I had to sell my body to afford a place for us to live. I was working full time as a lead teacher it just wasn't enough. He still couldn't keep a job but he wasn't lying or cheating. I got us a nice apartment all on my own. Things were good for a while. His anger issues would flair up at times but not as bad, and no lying or infidelity. We had so many heart to hearts. We got married. I did great at my job. He started doordashing for income. Things were going well. Then 6 months into our marriage, about 9 months after we moved out/7 months after we got our apartment, he sprung on me that he wanted a divorce. That was about 7 months ago now. We have been living together and I have been hoping to rebuild. In his vows, he swore so sincerely and in such great heartfelt detail to do better and be better and stand by me. And then he just through it all away. He has been so mean lately. Sometimes things are okay and it's like everything is the same. But he thinks I don't clean enough even though I try and he says I don't support him emotionally even though I really feel like I do. I also pay for everything, I even bought him an 800 dollar PC a couple months ago. I got really sick a month ago. Like vomiting 10+ times a day. I thought I had a stomach bug and didn't have money to go to the doctor over something so trivial that would clear up on its own. I made too much for medicaid but still not a lot. After only 4 days of being gone and feeling like shit, my work fired me. After another week or so of feeling sick and getting so weak I thought I was dying, I went to the hospital. They said all the vomiting had made me very dehydrated and I was lacking in a lot of vitamins. They gave me medicine and an IV. Turns out I'm pregnant and have HG. I'm pretty far along. At first K was supportive but now he acts like I'm trying to "trap" him with a baby, which doesn't even make sense. We were having unprotected sex and the only birth control was that I am breastfeeding, which he knew, so it isn't that crazy of an outcome. He has been so cruel and angry, saying terrible things. He threatens to leave when he gets mad so I beg him to stay because he knows I'd be all alone and I love him a lot. He has said some terribly cruel things and it's like every tiny thing I do wrong makes me the villain. Yesterday he blew up on me and it was scary and terrible. Today, I found out the few friends I thought I had hate me. One of them sent me the most cruel message I have ever received completely unprompted. I have no family support, no friends, my husband hates me, and everyone I've ever cared about except my son (who is different because he's too young to understand and he loves everyone and he is also a responsibility) wants nothing to do with me unless they are using me. I am so suicidal. I know a lot of people are suicidal but I am genuinely at a point where I am close to doing something I can't take back. But I can't because of my kids, both the 1 year old and the unborn one. And as much as I know I should be grateful for that, it feels so unfair. I've been having to do things I don't want to for money again. I have another great teaching job lined up but I don't start for at least a month. I feel like I should go to a hospital but I live in a state with a very high child removal rate even in cases of just mental health. I am a great mom, even though my husband and ex friends do not seem to agree. I can't risk having my fitness as a parent called into question over an unrelated mental health issue, especially since K's family and lots of people in my life would love the chance to lie about me to cps, and since I'm not employed right now, it doesn't look great. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. I'm so so hurt. It feels like everything is falling apart. Not that long ago, I was a lead teacher, a wife, I felt like a respected and respectable person. Now I just feel like my train wreck of a life full of trauma has taunted me with this perfect picket fence life that I worked so hard for just to rip it away from me and leave me a useless unemployed incubator that everyone hates and is only holding on for her kids sake. The only people who talk to me or "care" just want to fuck me. Even the people interested in a relationship with me and seem like "good Christian men" are still driven by lust even if they disguise it to themselves. I have never felt so hopeless. I feel like I don't deserve this but everyone from my partner to my parents to my ex friends seem to think I do so maybe I'm just fooling myself.

Previous part
Island of Argus. Mercenary Guild Territory
The Agent stood in front of a medical tank, brooding. Saffron was suspended in the tank before him, a breathing mask attached over her mouth and gills. She was floating in untainted water, taken from Argus' supply of clean drinking water. She breathed out the tainted water she had ingested, and breathed in the pure water.
"Think this will work?" Edward asked him as he walked up behind him. He had finished his rendezvous with the local Umbra Operatives, and was heading back when he learned what happened to Saffron.
"Hopefully. Similar thing happened a few years back with a poison bog. She spent a day in a tank like this and was good as new afterward. It's just a matter of hoping we started the process soon enough."
Edward nodded. He didn't approve of all the water being used on Saffron when it could be used to keep 3 dozen civilians alive for a week, but he wasn't about to say that to the guy with All-Red on his back. He then spoke.
"Follow me. The local operatives, "Jace" and "Sojourn", know a lot more about the creature than commander Reed does. Jace says he can show us it."
His interest piqued, The Agent followed Edward out of the hospital into the pouring rain, and they began to walk towards the Argus Artillery Apparatus (AAA). Both operatives were quiet as they walked, deep in their own thoughts. The Agent was concerned for Saffron, and Edward was the exact opposite.
"He no longer looks at the bigger picture..." Edward thought to himself. He went back to the water usage. The Agent was risking the lives of 3 dozen civilians to maybe save 1 Umbra Operative. Operatives were ultimately expendable, they knew it and it was a part of the oath they took. But he also knew why The Agent was desperate to save Saffron. He had read The Agent's file and learned that Cerene and Saffron were the only members of his training batch that were still alive. Well... Cerene was still up for debate on that. An Umbra Operative's training batch was the closest thing they ever had to a family, so The Agent was most likely seeing his sister floating in that tank, not an expendable soldier. And don't even get him started on Cerene... That was something he didn't understand.
While Umbra Operatives weren't forbidden from having romantic relationships, it was heavily discouraged, and most relationships ended in tragedy anyway. What Edward didn't understand was that The Five seemed to... encourage The Agent's and Cerene's relationship. Even going as far as to assign a kid to them to raise! While he would never tell him, Edward was pretty sure the pair were just an elaborate experiment. An experiment that was clearly failing... Ah well, it's not his place to make assumptions he supposes. He's just a grumpy old vet, last of the 3rd generation Operatives, with maybe 2 years left in him if he's lucky. But one thing he was certain of was that the cursed sword-spear The Agent carried was bringing more harm to him than good.
Edward was brought out of his musings as he hurried over the bridge connecting the main island to the AAA's island. The 2 operatives hopped the fence on the other side and made their way down the slope to a secluded inlet. Crouching on the end of a dilapidated dock, Jace waited for them, staring out at the angry ocean.
"It's out there..." was all Jace said. Edward and The Agent gave each other a look then stared out at the storm. They couldn't see anything, but The Agent felt like something could definitely see him.
"There's nothing there"
"Wait for lightning... you'll see it then..."
They waited longer, but no lightning flashed. The Agent got impatient. He raised a hand to the sky, and focusing his energy deep inside him, he snapped his fingers. A bolt of red lightning flared across the sky, illuminating the silhouette of the.... thing...
It was big, for starters, a large main body, with a pair of dragon wings. It's tail ended in what looked like a whale's fluke. But that didn't draw the attention. It was it's head. It's head didn't look like a normal dragon, it was more like a... squid! And the longer one looked at it, the harder it became to focus on it.
The Agent felt a thousand eyes lock on to him as the creature let out a shriek of anger. It clearly didn't know The Agent could do that, and was not happy at being revealed. The shriek shot across the waters, deafening everyone outside on the islands. Swearing, The Agent yanked All-Red off his back and fired a beam of energy at it. But he was a second too slow. The creature vanished beneath the waves with a crash, and did not come back up.
The trio of Umbra Operatives was left standing in shock on the rain soaked pier, staring out at the waters. Though it did seem that the rain had slowed a little...

In late January I was fired because the new 19 yr old gal in my classroom gave eggs to a child with a mild egg allergy. The child was given medication and ultimately fine, his parents (dad is a nurse) didn't even pick him up cause we handled the situation so diligently. I was visibly having a panic attack and stepped put the room for a moment (the other teachers knew and I was back within 60 seconds). I was crying and profusely apologizing.
Several hours went by and I was called into the classroom from the playground. My supervisor then asks me if I have a lot of stuff, to which I said yes, why is this my last day? And she nodded yes. I gathered my things and went down to the office where I signed a paper cause we have a union explaining why they fired me along with my last check.I could barely walk the way home cause I was crying so hard. I think I cried for a month after that. Even woth the union rep helping me I never received unemployment the month I was unemployed for.
I reached out to several parents explaining where I went and why I was gone. They were very empathic and kind, they were the best parents I ever had. I saw one mom and her son this weekend at the airport and she gave me the biggest hug. She said they still won't tell us what happened to you.
Sometimes I have maladaptive daydreams of vandalizing the school, ect. I would never ever act on this, and I try to quell these thoughts as much as possible. I just hope time helps heal the hurt. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.