Mevacor and wine drinking

Today was 9 days sober. A huge motivator to become sober is to be the mom my kids deserve. My daughter was staying the night with my parents so we went to Mexican with my son. The last 5 times or so we’ve been to Mexican I have several margaritas and end up getting wine on the way home and end up blacking out eventually. Tonight I had Diet Coke. After taking off my makeup and getting into bed to read a book my mom called and my daughter was crying to come home. She was going to try and bring her but she also had my nieces. That was just too much. I was able to drive to their house to pick her up and comfort her when she was scared. Right now she’s cuddled next to me and told me how much she loves me. THIS is why I’m giving alcohol up forever. Being able to be there for my daughter when she needed me…no drink ever felt this good. IWNDWYT

Therefore their goods shall become a booty, and their houses a desolation: they shall also build houses, but not inhabit the ; and they shall plant vineyards, but not drink the wine thereof.The great day of the LORD is near, it is near, and hasteth greatly, even the voice of the day of the LORD: the mighty man shall cry there bitterly

I (25F) have had an ongoing FWB situation for over a year with him (31M). What started out as purely physical interactions have become more intimate (such as lunch dates, walks, picnics, movies etc.) He has started confessing real feelings for me when he is drunk or high, but brushes it off when he is sober. Then he will start drinking again and say things like “I want you, let me love you”. A lot of this comes at times when we aren’t even being physically intimate; for instance when we are just sitting by the water. Because of the hot and cold signals, I am hesitant to take it to the next step, especially because he often talks about the other women he is hooking up with or going on dates. Perhaps to make me jealous or to remind me we’re just casual.
I’d like it to go somewhere…we get along really well and our physical chemistry is honestly beyond out of this world. But it no longer feels like a FWB situation: I’ve met his parents, stayed overnights, comforted him as he cried etc. He makes jokes that we’re meant to be and our kids would be models, then in the same breath says he has to pick up wine for his date that night. Do you think he may actually have feelings or is he just playing with my emotions to keep me around for the physical aspect?
TL;DR: My FWB confesses having real feelings only when he’s drunk, but we act as a couple most of the time. Are there any FWB to relationship success stories? Or is it just a game in order to keep me around for the “benefits”?

I've seen a few people not fully sure what to make of Florida!!! and since I view it as maybe THE gayest song on the album (the prophecy/guilty as sin/fresh out the slammer are all top contenders, though), and perhaps the idea/thought process that creates the basis for the rest of the songs (hence the exclamation points!!!) I figured I should share my interpretation of it. Thoughts and notes are very welcome!
You can beat the heat, if you beat the charges too - Okay, so the you pronoun here is important, the I and the You are the two characters who are having a duet. Taylor's I is singing to Florence's You the only way to "beat the heat" aka avoid Florida, is to make sure there are "no charges" - allegations that is.
They said I was a cheat, I guess it must be true - Who are they? Likely the press talking about TayloMatty/Joe, right? But the 'I guess' is there to denote the next line as a little sarcastic, a little playful - she means something subversive to what she is actually saying. 'I guess it must be true', how can this be honest, and still toy with the original meaning? Well, if she had relationships while being with the person she was publicly tied to - but that was agreed upon, she was meant to 'be a cheat'.
And my friends all smell like weed or little babies And this city reeks of driving myself crazy - There is no one who understands the titular I's (likely Taylor) situation. Either they are in heteronormative relationships - having babies isn't literal here, it is a symbol for sticking to the normative - or they are dissociating from the reality - where the weed is a symbol for turning off, forgetting, disconnecting. Her immidiate surroundings (the city) are isolating her with her own thoughts (driving myself crazy) - reeks is especially interesting here, as it is mostly used for something hidden or concealed, but still noticeable. She is working so hard at not showing anyone these thoughts.
Little did you know Your home's really only a town you're just a guest in So you work your life away Just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin -Here you can read home as an analogy for her identity, and I think you should, specifically because none of her homes are in towns - she lives in cities, but her home is where she lives, where her heart is if you will. And that is the interesting thing about this line anymore - your home, where you used to live/who you used to be, is no longer a home/no longer where your heart lies. It is just a place, one you can get evicted from, one built not from you (after all you are just a guests, guests don't leave their mark) but from other people and their notions and ideas (you know, a town). Now this one is admittedly a jump but I have a theory based on a different person who talks about Florida as a freedom you'd give anything for - so this is partially based on that, this idea of Florida as the ultimate place to go to find yourself. However, I feel like the lyrics really lend themselves to this as well, even without that interpretation "so you work your way, just to pay for a timeshare down in destin" - Destin is such an interesting choice of a place, it feels like it is trying to allude to destiny, i.e. the life you want for yourself and believe must be coming (and from a gaylor perspective, being out and queer, and getting to love whomever you want). So this like can be read as like you make sacrifices and work harder than humanly possible (look at Taylor's career) only to get to finally feel a a small sliver (pay for a timeshare) of destiny, the life you wish for (in Destin). Why would this be Florida, why would it be Destin specifically? Well, Florida is at least internationally known as a retirement state, someplace you can eventually settle down and find peace. Other people dream of LA, NY, London, or even Nashville - but she has been there and she was miserable. I think there is something alluring in an anonymous suburb where she can just be herself and be in love. I also think she is trying to comment on how a free future isn't nessecarily one where she is loved and appreciated, and she is aware of that.
Florida is one hell of a drug Florida, can I use you up? She can't dissociate and flee anymore (like her friends who smell of weed) so she needs to find another drug to sustain her current life - dreams of who she can be once she has reached her destin/her destiny/her destination.
The hurricane with my name when it came First of all, role switch indicated by Florence singing! This is the You that Taylor was talking to, the one that has been established as the one who beat the heat (Florida), and the charges (rumors of being gay). This is the Taylor that doesn't dream about coming out, who has accepted a life without freedom and without love.
This line is also really clever, because it calls back to Taylor's earlier usages of storm imagery (like "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen" from High Infidelity, that can be read as Taylor being the storm that is a bad omen for her 'good husband', the Taylor that acts on her secret thoughts. Same with "Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes/How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?" from You're Losing Me, again a Taylor ready to wreck havoc on the status quo with her secret, inner thoughts. And once again with "To see you there, to see you there/And now the storm is coming, but/It's you and me, that's my whole world/They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl" (Okay)" from Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince qhere she honestly spends the most of the text establishing herself as the opposite of Miss Americana - she is running from homecoming, she sees America burning before her and she wants no part, just like she wants no heartbreak prince, she wants the 'you' in the song, and oncs she sees her she becomes the storm, the Taylor that acts on, or wants to act on, her secret thoughts. This is hopefully enough to establish a pattern, but seriously look up storm mentions in her song and think of it from this perspective - it makes. sense.) but also because it is Florence singing, it also calls to memory her song Hurricane Drunk.
Florence described it like this: "This was written in about 10 minutes. I'd never had my heart broken before, and when I did I realised how delicious it can be, how intoxicating. You suddenly realise that all the little things you cared about don't matter. You don't care about anything. You think, I'm going to drink myself to death.' And then you bump into them and they're with another girl. You've been waiting for the worst to happen, and then when it does – you're free. Nothing matters. All the wind is taken out of you, but then all of a sudden you're like 'I'm going out! And nothing can stop me, nothing can hurt me any more! I'm invincible, because you've hurt me so much.'" So, imagine what the consequences of letting storm-Taylor free would be, she would be free, but it would also be the worst that could happen.
I got drunk and I dared it to wash me away Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine - Few things here, this "You" the Taylor that has given up, is daring the other Taylor, the "I", the storm-Taylor, to make her disappear. Some part of her wants it, and being drunk is often used for symbolising sharing your innermost thoughts (you only hear the truth from drunk men and babies), deep down she hasn't truly let go. She decides to lock herself up further, so that it can't happen, waiting it out with wine. Wine has been a symbol with a double meaning in her earlier songs - it is both nice memories of people she seem to feel genuine love for (see maroon, dress, willow) and memories of or a symbol for what she has lost (see BDILH, ((honestly also the alchemy...)), ILIPW, Ivy, Clean).
Well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time Yes, I'm haunted but I'm feeling just fine Just reaffirming and validating the speculation from the last line, the Taylor that has given up has chosen to stay in her memories and her past. She claims to be fine with having nothing other than that. Fully also a callback to Haunted, that is pretty obviously about a gay girl being left by her sapphic lover, and having to go home to a man she doesn't love - she is saying that the heartbreak and the betrayal has stayed with her, but she can't care about it any longer.
All my girls got their lace and their crimes And your cheating husband disappeared - I truly think this should be read this way: All my girls got their lace/And their crimes and your cheating husband disappeared. If so, all my girls got their lace could be referring to all the girls she loves getting married to someone else, lamenting over that, and over the fact that they no longer have a record (have escaped the rumors of queerness) and the given up-Taylor is pondering the fact that her beard (cheating husband) is nothing she needs to take into account anymore, he disappeared without exposing her secret
Well, no one asks any questions here No one truly wishes to know what happened.
So I did my best to lay to rest All of the bodies that have ever been on my body And in my mind, they sink into the swamp "To lay to rest", to allow herself to forget the possibilities that have been, the love she could have had, as that is now out of her reach - however, she lays them to rest in a swamp - where do we have swamps? Florida. The place she doesn't ever think she can truly go but loves, and longs for. That is where she places those memories, so that if she ever suceeds, she can still have them, they can still be hers.
Is that a bad thing to say in a song? Somewhat of a double entendre - the surface interpretation is idk female rage, she committed murder, she doesn't care about her previous relationships maybe even? The deeper interpretation however would be, if she feels shame about the part of her that longs for Florida, is it okay for her to say that she keeps her memories, is it okay to tell the world that she will return to them one day, can she even in heavy metaphors touch on the part that she works so hard to keep hidden
[...]
So you pack your life away Just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas - Current Taylor, storm-Taylor is singing again, mocking given up-Taylor for her choices of giving up her life and making these sacrifices (pack your life away), with no other grater purpose than to wait - and actually, here is a wonderful double meaning again. She could either be waiting out "the shitstorm back in Texas" i.e. waiting for a better less republican climate or waiting out "the shitstorm" (herself, her urges to come out, her urges to break free) "back in Texas" (hiding behind conservative values, toying with this image of her as the boy crazy future wife, with the picket fence and the 2.5 children)
[...]
I need to forget, so take me to Florida Really only validating the interpretation so far, she needs to forget what her life is, so she dreams of Florida (aka freedom). Storm-Taylor is singing this line, the one who actually wishes to break free.
I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida Can it be more literal than this? It is referring back to the bodies she left in the swamp, i.e. her memories and her real loves, the things she could have had. She will "bury them in Florida" i.e. not pretend like they exist, but they stay in the dreamworld. This is giving up-Taylor singing.
Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable Storm-Taylor is singing this, she is saying that she is ready to take the consequences. Ready to hear from the homophobes thatthese are "despicable acts" and "unforgivable sins" as they so often do.
At least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, Florida - This is both of them!! So important. Both versions of Taylor are so gay that at the thought of beautiful women they are both like, what the hell, maybe it doesn't sound so bad after all. 🤷‍♀️ Literal perfection, no notes on this line. Of course what finally gets her on the same track is ✨️women✨️. There isn't a sapphic that can't relate to making the hardest descision for no other reason than bc cute girl.
I need to forget, so take me to Florida - this is just like before I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida - but this is now sang by them both, and an alternate meaning of this line could be that any regrets they have about how they handled themselves and their career won't matter anymore once they are free (in Florida)
Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable What a crash, what a rush, fuck me up, Florida It's one hell of a drug - This is just storm-taylor, and she is ready to let it burn, she knows the pain is coming and welcomes it
It's one hell of a drug Love left me like this and I don't want to exist So take me to Florida - This makes me very emotional actually. It is both of them singing. A bit more reluctantly than in the previous stanza, but they are obviously both looking at the destruction that has been left in their life by their own love (gay) and people's expectations of love for them (not gay), and it has hurt them so much that they don't even want to be alive anymore. It is too tiresome. So they both agree to finally be free, because the other option, quite frankly, is death. They'll go to Florida. 🩷🧡🤍
Little did you know Your home's really only a town you're just a guest in (take me to Florida ) So you work your life away Just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin (take me to Florida ) - This is a call and response, so storm-Taylor says one line, and giving up-Taylor says the other, really just to show that they now agree with eachother's worldview. For now, the non bolded part in the parenthesis is just Storm-Taylor though, really being the leader, whilst the bold is the both of them actively now showing their longing
Little did you know Your home's really only the town you'll get arrested (take me to Florida ) So you pack your life away Just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas (take me to Florida ) Call and response continues in the same way, but I just wanted to point out this line since I didn't before. We have established that Home is Taylor herself, and The Charges are queerness/rumors of being queer, the town is views/other views. So this would mean: You are really the only one who's views keep you jailed, you are the one who is preventing you from being free/queer
Florida is one hell of a drug (take me to) Florida Florida, can I use you up? Florida is one hell of a drug Florida, go on, fuck me up -Nothing new really happens here, the bolded bits are storm-Taylor singing, the rest is both of them. One piece of note, however, is that the "(take me to) Florida" bit has the same tempo as 'the lakes', potentially drawing similies between the lakes ("I don't belong, and my beloved neither do you" [...] "I'm setting off, not without my muse") and Florida, emphasizing the difference between a version of freedom where you have to hide your love away from the world and decide to eulogize yourself to get peace, and true freedom, where you decide to take the punches and get fucked up just to not have to hide ever again (being in Florida, in the smack of the middle of the hear of the dab - I realize this reference is only useful to dropout fans, but the rest of you hopefully get my point regardless.)

Hey everyone!
I play at my local casino in Southern California and I’m able to match to MGM Platinum next week. We (partner and I) are planning on staying at Park MGM for 3 nights and would really love to get full value with being platinum since I’m not gonna have it long and we don’t come to vegas often. Twice a year maybe? I tend to penny pinch and hate paying full price from anyway, but also a sucker for value/deals/comps/bogos etc. I just bought the membership to Las Vegas advisor membership and gonna use that to dictate out our days a bit also.
What’s the best way to get full value for MGM Platinum? Where are the tier matches that are worth it? We’re a couple in their 30s and we’ll have a car, enjoy a good meal (we don’t do dairy or seafood (except for sushi which we both love), so I know that limits meal choices out a bit). I enjoy good whiskey, tiki drinks, and craft beer. She likes bubbly wine and fun cocktails. We play a lot of video poker and craps, so will probably want to budget out maybe 5 hours/day for playing.
Bonus question - Does anyone know which casinos have the best payback/variety for video poker and gets the most tier points/comp dollar for video poker coin-in? Preferably somewhere with decent accommodations so we can stay somewhere dope in the future.
Thanks in advance!

Sitting here after my doctors appointment for Chronic Heart Failure and freaking out a lot. Been on Entresto for about 8 months. This drug wiped me out, always tired, dizzy and lightheaded. So today the new CHF team has taken me off Entresto and doubled my Pee pills to 80 msg and there was talking about vtac ablations, Cardicmems, Losartan and Ozempic. There was even talk of if need be a heart transplant. After dealing with this for 23 years, 3 major heart attacks, 6 stents, ventricular tachycardia attack and a icd installed I think I have reached a point of being scared and pissed. Can’t stop the slow weight gain and seems like I’m peeing all the time. I am tattooed but needles scare me and Ozempic is needles every week like forever? Really? I have questions: do you get a months supply and store them in the fridge? What happens if you have to travel out of state? Is this forever? Where do you stick the needle? How big is the needle? On top of it all I’m told that I can’t drink anymore, ever. Not that I drink a lot but a cold beer on a hot day is a small slice of heaven. Or a glass of wine for dinner. At this point I’m just reaching out to try and calm the voices in my head screaming “Oh Hell No!”

I was on a hunting trip in 2021. During this time I was not drinking but I was walking a lot during the camp. I felt some pain in my toe and when I got back I was diagnosed with gout based on my exam. My numbers were 6.78 mg/DL. Fast forward to 2024 and I had zero incidences since 2021. I am back to alcohol and to be honest I drink to much. I am guessing somwhere on average of 6 drinks x 5-6 days per week. Anyhow last Thursday I felt some pain in my toe. It took some advil and was to good to go. Friday I was fine with no pain. Friday night I had some shrimp and wine with my wife and Saturday I went for a 75KM ride. When got back my toe killing me. Its considerably bigger then the other toe and red at the joint and very hot to the touch. The toe is not hot for the most part.. I have been alternating between 2x Aleve or 2 x Extra Strength Advil once a day. The Advil seems to work better. I can generally walk on it and MondayIwent for a 40K ride but to be honest it didn't feel too great.
Based on this:

1. Should I go back to the doctor. The pain is really subsiding the last day or so. Today was much better then yesterday.
2. Should I give up drinking. Is this what is causing this gout to occur? Even though I cycle thousands and thousands of KM I am overweight by 40lbs because of the drinking.
3. Is this somehow related to exercise or this just a coincidence?
4. How often should I be taking Advil or Aleve per day. I am kind guessing right now.

Originally I was going to see The Heidi Incident on Friday at the Polo Lounge, but they are playing there Saturday instead. So I’m looking for suggestions on what’s going on around town Friday evening/night?
It’s going to be two adults and neither drinks/smokes (but that doesn’t mean live entertainment at a bar is a no go, just not looking for beewine tasting, etc). Favorite restaurants? Local events that aren’t getting publicity? What do you have going on that might be fun?

Content warning: brief mention about depression, suicide, and gore
I've had depression and anxiety as long as I can remember, and actively wanted to kill myself since about 2nd grade. I started Lexapro in college (20mg once a day), and my suicidal tendencies have been all but eliminated. I have good motivation, I generally look forward to living, and have a very positive outlook on my life. However, I have so many things that bother me that I don't know what to do about. Some people close to me have died recently, further exacerbating my negative feelings (which I know is natural but is still tough).
I talked to a psychiatrist about some of these problems and he just recommended meditation for now. Which I can do, but I've tried to deal with these problems my whole life, and nothing I've ever done has seemed to help much.
Should I get therapy? A diagnosis? Like I said, I generally have a pretty good outlook, right now is just especially rough, but the habits/obsessions below persist through everything. Some might be normal, I'm not sure. I have insurance, and am pretty willing to take advice.
As far as details about me, I exercise a few 3-5 times a week, I eat relatively healthy, I drink water, I talk with friends, I enjoy my job and my hobbies. I cook, I clean, I brush my teeth. I occasionally get mild depressive episodes during times of strife. I drink wine with meals/friends maybe ~1-3 times a month, never binge drinking. I take edibles occasionally (-0-1 time a month starting last year), which generally relax me. Never done any other drugs. I am a 26 year old male. I am patient with people, and don't get angry at others easily. I laugh at myself when I make dumb mistakes. I think people with mental illnesses of all types deserve compassion and help.
Old problems:

• "Hmmmph" noise: would constantly make this noise, I wouldn't feel right if I didn't
• Shirt biting
• Sleep paralysis most nights
• Self beatings
• Intense thoughts of family members dying
• Suicidal thoughts/tendencies
• Kleptomania
• Biting cuticles until bad infections

Current problems:

• Picking and eating scabs/skin from my face
• Picking nose and eating it
• Biting and eating nails
• Scraping plaque from teeth with fingernail and eating it
• Nightmares: most of the time they are of me yelling at family/friends until they hate me. Worse ones are of my old dog getting dissolved in pools of acid. Further worse ones keep me from willingly going to sleep for a few days out of fear.
• When walking/driving I am constantly thinking about how I need to get to a certain point before an event happens. For example: "I have to walk past this tree before that car passes me or else I'll have a bad day". And regardless if I "make" it or not, I just have the same thought but with a different point/event.
• Need to touch certain things, especially plants or things that stick out.
• Inadvertently make faces/sound/muttering when walking (only when deep in thought)
• Can feel cracks after stepping on them, if I touch something on my right leg I need to touch the left leg the same way.
• Maladaptive Daydreaming: not as bad as of recently, used to pace back and forth alone for hours.
• Repetitive actions/routines
• Dreams in Dreams
• Need to watch videos to fall asleep, otherwise I can't stop thinking
• Focus on objects leaving frame during movies, similar to the "get to a certain point before an event happen"
• Sleeping to pass the time (16+ hours a day asleep or in bed)
• Dislike things pointed at neck, even a pen on a desk needs to be point away from my neck
• Heavily dislike other people touching me
• Performance anxiety
• Personification of objects, I feel bad if I separate two pencils for example
• Particular about how I type things. I need to remove trailing whitespace from lines. Also, I need to backspace/delete text in a particular way or else I feel uneasy.
• Meticulous collection of data (I tracked every purchase I made for a year to the cent).
• Need to follow routines/traditions (must step on this rug before going up the stairs)
• Peeing anxiety, I have intense fear that I am going to piss myself when I'm in meetings. No idea why.
• Bad eye contact
• Addictive personality
• Repeat same things over and over when overwhelmed
• Existential dread
• Procrastination
• Need to hold and look at things I’ve made
• Ex girlfriend told me I should get autism tested

Hi there!!
Just curious if anyone has had the same reaction and how long it’s lasted! I’ve had IBS for the last four years and normally drinking wine has been OK for me. On Friday I was at the cottage drinking with some friends and for the last 3 to 4 days I’ve been having really bad cramping And my bowel movements are orange tint colour. It’s included diarrhea as well. It’s definitely time for me to remove alcohol from my normal life.
Just a little concerned because I haven’t really had a flare since starting on the antidepressant that has helped a lot. Super upset with myself that I did that because I was feeling so good as of last week.

I have lost all control. My drinking has been a problem for a long time. Pre COVID it was bad but I lost control during lockdown. I moved in with partner a year ago and now I have wine bottles stashed everywhere and hide my drinking. I drink when I wake up and then all day and night. I got COVID and didn’t drink for 3 days and I was vomiting, shaking, couldn’t stand as I felt like I would fall over. I was seeing spiders on the roof. Now I’m too scared to stop. I want to start trying for a baby but I obviously can’t like this. Some words of advice please. I hate myself.

Thou shalt sow, but thou shalt not reap; thou shalt tread the olives, but thou shalt not anoint thee with oil; and sweet wine, but shalt not drink wine.For the statutes of Omri are kept, and all the works of the house of Ahab, and ye walk in their counsels; that I should make thee a desolation, and the inhabitants thereof an hissing: therefore ye shall bear the reproach of my people

If a man walking in the spirit and falsehood do lie, sayin , I will prophesy unto thee of wine and of strong drink; he shall even be the prophet of this people.I will surely assemble, O Jacob, all of thee; I will surely gather the remnant of Israel; I will put them together as the sheep of Bozrah, as the flock in the midst of their fold: they shall make great noise by reason of the multitude of men

I feel fucking insane. I had a spontaneous "recovery" type experience in 2021, where I just stopped drinking on my own, mostly reading "quit lit" type stuff, using the stopdrinking/dryalc subs, etc because AA is not a good space for me. I really leaned into the scientific stuff, cultivating a sense of self worth etc around health, taking care of myself, taking my power back, etc. It worked really, really well. For almost three years. I even drank sometimes during those three years, but 1-2 drinks would make me feel so bad I wouldn't drink again for months and never more than 1-2 at a time. I felt like I was cured of something. I even had a ton of fun going to bars with friends, going out, never drinking - just ordering seltzer and talking for hours into the night, I felt such clarity, felt so in control, etc.
Well, two weeks ago I met a guy and he pressured me into drinking when we first met. This is the first time that's happened since I (mostly) stopped drinking. I have been on countless dates where I meet the guy at a bar and he orders a drink and I say I'll just have a seltzer or something and it's totally fine. Not this time. This guy kept insisting I get a beer, and I finally caved. Then one beer turned into three. And then a shot. And then I find myself taking him home with me and then we're hanging out all the time drinking. And he's CLEARLY an alcoholic, just really bad -- I tried to maintain my "I don't like drinking" convictions etc, but he'd come over to hang out already wasted (you know the smell of someone who has been drinking for like, 6 weeks instead of 6 hours) and would push me to drink even though I said I didn't want to, and I would cave. Again and again. I know it's my fault - not blaming him at all. But something about this relationship to him has entirely fucked up my recovery. Entirely. The whole thing.
I feel destabilized. I am drinking with other people now. I am drinking alone right now. I am not out of control, by any means, but I can see it happening. He also did the whole "I can't date you right now because my life is a mess" thing and I don't know, it just sent me into a fucking spiral. I'm sitting here drinking wine by myself in my apartment. I haven't done this since 2021. I haven't even felt the SLIGHTEST craving since 2021. Not like this. This is different. I am scared. I don't know what to do. I thought I was "Safe" from all of these feelings, I thought I recovered. But this person has entirely destabilized me.
I don't know why I am posting here. It's a throwaway account obviously. But I am, for the first time in three years, not doing well. I am scared. I thought I really beat this thing. I really really did. I have no idea where my sense of self-worth and self-propriety went. I had cultivated such a set of good boundaries, gotten so good at saying no, so good at viewing my body as something to take care of, but all of that is... gone. I just want to drink again, I just want to hurt myself, I haven't felt like this in so many years. I had no idea this would ever come back. I have no idea what to do.

Hi again. I'm lurking here all the time and have bounced back and forth on total sobriety. IWNDWYT.
It's day 16 and I had to go on my calendar to count my sober days, I used to wake up thinking "ok it's day 8 I need to do XYZ to keep from drinking" and it was my hyperfocus all day everyday. I let it run me crazy even though I tried to develop healthier thinking patterns. I've always been that way. I wake up and I'm on level 10, which usually leads to drinking.
I've sought out different therapy and explored a lot of avenues for my mental health, I just felt broken. Before i was problem drinking I felt that way, and drinking worsened every symptom I ever had, but at least I got to be numb and dumb for a few hours. Que the repeating cycle!
I didn't give up on my brain and saw a psychiatrist. He quickly identified I might have Adhd. I did not agree lol. After some testing and conversations, I ABSOLUTELY 💯 have adhd. It just looks a lot different in women. I was a 90s kid. Back then, only boys had that, and they really had to act out to be diagnosed with that. So I began medication.
I was floored on day one at how OKAY EVERYTHING IS. I was unscrambling my thoughts, not ruminating, beginning and completing chores. But I still had the alcoholic in me that allowed myself 2-4 glasses of wine every few days.
I was proud of that, sometimes it would be only twice a week. One of those days my son flat out said "ugh I wish you guys would stop drinking" (me and my husband). I lost my wine appetite and I took on his challenge.
I've had some cravings, but I am thinking straight enough now that I COMPLETE a healthy coping mechanism. I actually called my dad one day and said "I'm thinking about getting wine, talk me out of it.". We talked for 2 hours about everything. I enjoyed his phone company so much I forgot why I called by the end.
I've been trying to treat something I didn't know was there. The proper help has removed the anxiety surrounding alcohol that ultimately caused me to pick it up! It was insanity. Nothing else worked, and I've been looking for a LENGTHY sobriety for a very long time. I'm crossing my fingers it sticks. I'm really hopeful and I think I have a good reason to be.
again, IWNDWYT

I have the opportunity to purchase a number of ex-Château bottles of top tier Bordeaux producers from the 1985 vintage. I’m likely going to pick up a few bottles to celebrate my upcoming 40th birthday. The available bottles are:
-Chateau Cheval Blanc 1985
-Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1985
-Chateau Figeac 1985
-Chateau Montrose 1985
A bit of a shot in the dark, but anyone had these wines or Bordeaux from this vintage recently? Any thoughts on the above selection and what might be drinking best?

I’ve been drinking a bottle of wine everyday and the combination of that and antidepressants aren’t mixing. What do y’all do to manage stress?

Hey Brampton,
I'm a male, 30, visiting from Sydney, Australia & here until early July.
I'm not working while I'm here and have plenty of time on my hands so looking for some people to meet up /chat /hang out with and explore Toronto! I have access to a car during my visit. I'm looking to attend some pride events in June too.
I've signed up to 'meetup' and looking to join some local events next week.
Some potential activities
Board games
Hiking
Drinking beewine/cocktails
Lazing by my pool
Exploring areas in Brampton & Toronto (Downtown?)
Cheers!

Tonight I decided to get myself some wine. I don't know what's got me in such a rush to get drunk. Is it women? Is it money? Is it the world around me? All these considerations feel to me like the superficial result of a mind grasping at what it cannot understand. It's not that deep. I wanted to drink. Impulsively. I want to grab life by the throat and kiss it. I don't care what it thinks of me.
I suppose I am changing. I used to be an overthinker. The ghostly vestiges of it still form a tail to my decisions and movements. I know what all the overthinkers think, the limits of their logic, their tragic destinies. I don't feel sorry for them. I drink to their demise.
I drink and I drink and I drink while the world burns. Then later I will meditate, then later I will masturbate. I scratch myself like a monkey, like Caesar the monkey. That's all the world really needs, a revolution of monkeys, a Planet of the Apes. A society that does not separate itself spiritually from the rest of the planet. God, I miss nature. I miss insects and panthers and mud walls. I miss the sun shining on that which moves and reflects its cycles. I want to remarry my instincts.
In time. It'll happen all of its own accord. The universe is a giant heart.
Really, I'd like to tell you this, but only because I am still amazed and soon I will be telling nobody when it stops being a novelty: I worry about nothing. I am blessed. I am, finally, what they call human beings: a smart monkey. I want you to know that's who's writing this, just a monkey that squints at the sun and smiles at flies. All of philosophy leads here...which is why there are no problems to solve.
I got here from the foundation up to the thoughts, not from the thoughts down to the foundation.