Fever vomiting and side pain

Edit: HC 😅
So: can’ t do the Indometacin test or be on it.
I do have migraine, VM and something constant going on on my right side of the face/eyes.
It is never pain attacks, just face irritation/migraneous symptoms with some runny eye and nose.
My typical migraines are on the opposite side usually.
But my possible HCside does not give particular classic head pain in the brain. And not like sudden pain attacks. Just a 24/7 thing where the eyelid is droopy, closed and often teary. Also cheeks/jaw, but mostly cheek/eye.
On Ajovy now that does some for the migraine/nausea etc and 0% for my dizziness and possible HC.
Any take on this?

I have mosaic plantar warts on the ball of my foot and side of my foot by my pinky toe. I finally went to the podiatrist to get it treated because the ones on the ball of my foot have been a bit painful and I want them gone. I did 4 bleomycin treatments (which were so painful) over 2 months and at my last treatment the doctor said we should take a break for 2 months to let the medicine work from the “inside out” basically. It’s been a month and I now have more warts than I started with! The pain is worse, too. Does it just not work for some? And if so, what other options do I have?! I like to run but it’s so difficult when my foot hurts so bad.

A short backstory - Ive had terrible periods for 13 years now. I had a cystectomy in 2014 for two large cysts (1 on each ovary) and the doctor mentioned something about possible fibroids on my fallopian tubes when he performed the surgery?
Fast forward 10 years, countless hospital visits (2 for ruptured cysts, 1 for an IUD removal that caused serious bleeding) and I am still undiagnosed - but the last doctor has been the first one to suggest I have endometriosis. She wanted me to go on birth control for a year before even considering another surgery to diagnose endo. After many mistrials with birth control, I do not want to go on it again.
I have been to so many doctors, had so many ultrasounds, and still struggling to find the right doctor. I am 32, I am not overweight and I eat extremely clean. Do not drink or smoke.
The last 6 months I have started bleeding every time my ovulation starts. The cramps feel like ovulation cramps and I usually get the unbearable stabbing pains from a cyst (sometimes switches sides). Bowel movements are so painful I almost pass out from the stabbing pains, feel like Im being hit with a cattle prod between my legs.
Ive been bleeding for 2 weeks now since ovulation, and it is just enough to need a pad, with dark brown tissue. The blood itself is dark brown too. Does this resonate with anyone who has chocolate cysts? Im wondering if this bleeding/tissue was the byproduct of one. Each month this has been happening for longer and longer, and Ive bled straight from ovulation into my period. Its started this morning.
I have a doctor app with a new doctor this Thursday and all I want to do is beg for a diagnostic surgery at this point. I miss work every month from period pain and now ovulation pain. Ive learned more about this condition from this reddit thread than any doctor Ive ever been to. Thank you all for being here and reading ❤️

Day 4 after having ureteroscopy on my left side, I’m experiencing something I wouldn’t call pain but discomfort in my kidney area and nothing in my bladder.
It kinda feels like just back pain but could this just be the stent?
Thanks a lot

Had disc herniation,6mm l5 S1. Got edipural injection and growth factor injections. Pain is lower, and I have more and more pain free mornings. Evenings are pain full. Resting in bed helps. I have no bed pain. Walking is harder than sitting. I can walk for 1 hour in morning ( first 4 hours). And 5 min walk in evenings. Doing physiotherapy every day for last 5 days.
My right ( which was pain full for long time) gluteus maximus is weaker than other side.
Is that normal?
Can it be trained / strenghtened to be as before?

After the unfortunate downfall of marvel as a consequence of total disregard of the quality of the content that is being put out, i have come to appreciate Agents of SHIELD more than i ever did before. The reason why I say this is because that show did what modern marvel has been doing horribly wrong and that is writing good female characters. The thing is in recent years marvel has subjected none of their female superheroes to actual character development (i am sure this has been covered by many content creators before). Lack of character development makes their superpowers feel undeserved and the audience stops caring about the character. This is what happened with characters like Captain Marvel, Monica Rambeau, She Hulk and many more. And this is exactly where characters like Quake, May and Simmons come in. These characters are faced with multiple moral dilemmas, they make bad decisions at time and then face consequences of those mistakes and as a result become stronger emotionally and physically. Needless to say this significantly better than making female characters simply brute their way out of sticky or painful situations which is basically the whole character sketch of Captain Marvel. (I will write about this someday else) When talking about character development in terms of agents of shield two characters just cannot be left out of the conversation- Leopold Fitz and Jemma Simmons. These two characters compliment each other in ways never seen before. They start off as nerdy goofballs who appear to be purely for comic relief and come out as warriors and leaders capable of accomplishing feats that are comparable to the achievements of Tony Stark. The psychological trauma of being Evil Doctor Fitz makes him colder in ways that come in handy during the fifth season when he has to survive over seventy years to save the love of his life. of course he does not actually survive for seventy years but he does break out of prison, and fight aliens and also rescues Simmons. Same in case of Simmons where she sacrifices everything by implanting a chip that removes her memory of Fitz's location. May is another example of legendary writing and probably the direction they should have gone with when writing Captain Marvel. Incase of May they go in the opposite direction by introducing a brute who will take down anyone and everything in order to accomplish her mission but then as the series goes on a softer side of her accents her personality. This is what humanizes her. And this is what Captain Marvel does not have, she is a robot who will set out to kill everyone and everything that comes in her way without much thought and consideration for consequences of her actions. Phil Coulson. I do agree with the fact that bringing people back from the dead is not a very good way of writing stories but he is an exception. This man is probably one of my favorite characters in all of marvel. His super power is his leadership especially towards Daisy. By the end of the series he is sort of a father figure for her. But he single handedly builds back what is left of shield and is the moral compass of the crew. He goes out of his way to protect the crew even if it might cost him his life which it does. Daisy Johnson, its a shame she couldnt be in the MCU but she is one of the greatest female superheroes marvel has ever seen. From being a naive hacker living in a van to leading a team exploring deep space. That is exactly the kind of character development marvel needs. Her power seems earned and the audience can actually connect to her. Special mentions: Ghost Rider, where do i even start with that guy. Probably one of the coolest characters in the series and i really hope he is written well in the mcu. Enoch: One of the most wholesome addition to their crew. I wish we could see more of him. Mac: Another great example of incredible character development. I could not think of a better character to be the director of shield after the end of the series (well Fitz could be one but he's a family man now) I am pretty sure ive missed a lot of characters but i dont think i dislike any of them. On the story aspect: They gave up on the idea of being in the mcu by the end of the second season and while i wish they showed up in the main timeline, it certainly was a good decision. Third season onwards they went completely crazy with the show. From being a Spy thriller it becomes a fullon sci fi superhero. but it is not to say that the first two seasons were bad by any means. I mean Grant Ward was an interesting character and I think his backstory makes us love him even more. Third season(and a little bit of the second season) takes things to another level with the whole Hive arch and the whole story of HYDRA which was probably one of the biggest turn of events in Marvel history. The fourth season is probably my favorite season and it introduces characters such as Ghost Rider and AIDA. This season explores a unique problem and they executed the whole "what if" scenario in the best way they ever could have. I mean the framework was probably my favorite part of that show. The Fifth season Takes the crew into space somewhere around 75-80 years into the future and introduces us to Deke Shaw who is a hillarious character. I mean his destiny is the greatest plot twist/ Joke in the show; i mean he is the last person you would expect to be a director of shield. Season 6 dwells with an alien invasion and a fake Colson and season 7 is basically time travel. ( I am gonna stop elaborating now because this whole section has become a summary of the show which i did not initially intend to write because most people who have stuck around this long probably already know the story) I wish they do some multiverse magic and make agents of shield cannon or simple bring characters over to the MCU.

I have doc appointment soon, but I was wondering if my symptoms line with some of your’s so I’m not too surprised by a diagnosis.
I have sharp pain and tingling in random places on my face that come and go. Particularly around my eye, in the cheek or forehead. Along with regular headaches.
My eyesight went from 20/20 to not being able to see without glasses in a matter of months. Without glasses I see double of anything I’m not looking at directly. Like if I have to look to the side, down, or up everything is double.
I have this squeezing type pain in my chest that isn’t heart related.
I get electrical type pain shooting down the back of shoulder and arm.
Numbness and tingling in my legs and they have also gotten significantly weaker. So weak, if I try to bend down to get something, my legs shake like crazy.
I get random muscle spasms everywhere it seems.
I have an aching pain in my joints at times where it feels like I’ve got a fever but no temp
Brain fog is very bad at times
Fatigue is one of my biggest issues. There’s days I can’t get myself to do anything and I hate to feel lazy
I have a terrible gait, almost like I drag my left hip along, and I have been known to lose balance easily.
Always feel like I need to urinate but I can’t fully empty so I have to go again an hour later.
If I’m really tired, my speech does slur.
My hands constantly shake to where I can no longer draw like I used to.
Thats the gist of it. Theres more specific things but in general this is what I’ve been dealing with for the past year or so. Some symptoms I’ve had for several years. Just seems to be getting worse. Does this line up with any of your experiences? Thanks in advance.

I did my impressions for my perms on Friday and have an appointment this friday for wax rims... then I'll get my 1st completed wax try-ins... I did not really get the chance to fine tune my temps because I had to back to work right away. I've put off doing my perms for a long time because 1) I did not wanna do impressions again and 2) it's an overwhelming process for me. But I'm moving forward now and I'll paying extra for a "premium" denture and I just want it to right!!
There's things I love about my immediates and things I dislike...

1. I think the teeth are slightly too big.
2. The gum line on the right side is longebigger causing my smile to be slightly crooked but also my lips to separate at rest.
3. I think the canines aren't right and they look fake over all.

Albeit everything about my temps are better than my natural teeth but I'm looking for advice and imput on how I might explain what I want moving forward and what looks good about them now.
I'm 1yr and 5 months post eday. I've had a really good experience with my temps. No issues eating, good suction, etc.... but I've done soft liners ever since (I've only had 2 since I got my dentures 😳) and when I went in to get a hard reline she said that the acrylic would probably cause pain because I have a boney protruding upper ridge and the only way to fix that would be to make the fit not as tight and then I'd likely need adhesive and I SOOO do not want that and I'm very nervous! /dread
Thanks! 💓

Did you drinking while taking this?
I’m about to start a pulse (daily for the first week of each month then stop for the next 3 weeks- for 3 months) regimen, and I like to drink.
Looks like the side effects of drinking with this medication are nausea, vomiting, etc., rather than it stops the med from working.

My cat has a lump on the left side of his stomach under his ribcage. I felt it for the first time yesterday. He doesn’t seem to be be in any pain when I touch it. However, it worries me. He hasn’t been eating a lot in the past week or so. I am trying to schedule a appointment with a vet. Does anyone have an idea of what it could be? He is 3 years old and not neutered.

I have experienced gum detachment around my two front teeth during a treatment with braces. At the time when I notices that the natural stop was gone while flossing, I pushed the floss a bit further and it went further, without blood or pain, the natural stop was simply somewhere much deeper. At the time when that happened my front teeth were shifted to the left and tilted out at the same time.
Could you tell me please: 1) If you are a patient, have you experienced something similar? 2) If you are an orthodontist or a dentist, what is the explanation for this side effect? Can it be prevented during a treatment? 3) Will the gums reattach after the treatment?

I had an ovarian cyst rupture two days ago. This is not my first rodeo - it's happened twice before and I was hospitalized for one of them. For both of those however, I recovered pretty quick and had very little lingering pain.
This time around, I've been painfully bloated ever since and it hurts my stomach to eat - my pain is still at around a 3/10 (9/10 when it ruptured!). Is this a common experience? I was thinking of trying to go to urgent care but I'm unsure of what they'd do.
And a quick aside about my experience with doctors on this issue - my gyno from the last rupture told me my only option was birth control, and when I was hesitant because of bad mental health side effects in the past he told me that since I have a boyfriend and job now I'm "more stable" and will have less mood issues. When I was still hesitant, he said verbatim "well I can give you the birth control shot if you want to gain 20 pounds". Total asshole. A little scared to go back to the doctor about this problem.

I'm going to try and be as transparent as possible and describe what happened A-Z to eliminate any confusion about this situation. This is very difficult and embarrassing to talk about, but I don't know what I can do to fix what's happening. I've talked to a couple lawyers who both claim that it isn't likely I can file a successful lawsuit, even though permanent damage was done. Here's what happened:
This all took place in March, I was hospitalized because of a jump attempt. The police were called while I was on a roof and when they showed up, I got down and ran from them and was tackled and sedated. I woke up in a hospital where I was being treated. I was asked if I consented to Operation, where I said no. Under normal circumstances, it would have ended here, but I'm in the military where treatment is mandatory. I tried to get up from the hospital bed and leave, where I was put in restraints and given a heavy dose of ketamine to sedate me further. During this time, I was still fully conscious and hallucinating, and at one point heavily vomited on the operation table. They wanted a urine sample to test for drug use and attempted inserting a catheter where they had mistakenly damaged the tissue inside. I was asleep at this point, but awoke after the damage, to what I could only describe as thinking I died and was was in hell, seeing all kinds of crazy shit, flashing lights, voices, and was in pain, not know where I was or what was going on. I never got an opportunity to speak to the urologist who performed the operation. I was released from the hospital day 2 and had to walk around with an inserted catheter. The catheter had a malfunction after a month and when I went back to the hospital to get it fixed, they accidentally popped it while it was inside trying to flush it with water where it slowly and excruciatingly came out on its own. They told me "the problem fixed itself and I was good to go". It's been incredibly difficult and painful to piss or do anything pertaining to. Doctors just told me the pain will go away soon and gave me morphine to cope.
It doesn't take a licensed practitioner to see this is malpractice and neglect on multiple seperate occasions, however, it seems nothing can be done about it. I'm just hoping for any leads at all at this point if anyone has advice...

Hi everyone! I am on my second day of Mirtazapine. So far, the first night was long, definitely really drowsy. But once I got going the next day it was okay. Only other side effect was a headache, and a bit of brain fog. As my body adjusts to it I hope that will subside. I am already noticing a subside in nausea and pain.. I am looking for others success stories to share, positive information, or good things to note as I am beginning this medication. I want to keep this post positive, so any negative experiences Id prefer get left out unless you feel its really important. Because this disease is so hard I want to have a more positive post than negative, we all know how hard this is to live with.

Do ANA results typically take longer when positive? I had it tested 2 years ago and got it back within a day (negative). Had a major increase in symptoms (fevers, joint pain, etc) and diagnosed with endometriosis (loves to be co-morbid with things) and had it rerun. It’s been 4 days and I still don’t have it though I’ve received other blood work back 2 days ago. I know they do additional testing if positive. Just curious!

How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
I'm 19y/o. I would say Im a calm person, unless when im tired or when someone angers me. Im the balance between energetic and no energy person. I dont like sticking to one opinion because it feels like im limiting myself, so i guess im open minded. I dont really care about what people think of me unless its about my attitude or if i hurt someone unintentionally. i cant watch kdramas that r js typical, it feels so shallow and cringy. I also like psycho analyzing people. I also overanalyze someone's actions towards me. When i talk about a topic, i mostly talk the generality of it, but sometimes i think about every possible details which makes it hard to commit to one, for example: let’s say someone says you choose your own reality, in a way i get what they mean but i also think abt ppl who actually cant choose their reality. Drake and kendrick dissing each other, my brother asked me whose side im on, which i honestly dont give a crap, because its not connected to me neither i dont care who they are, feels insignificant to waste my brain cells on that thing. I also dont like rude people, like i get you have a painful past but that doesnt excuse how you treat me, i deserve to be treated like a normal human being. The line between right or wrong is kinda hard for me, i think theres no right or wrong in reality, its just based on people’s values and morals. Which ofc i do have.
Is there a medical diagnosis that impact your mental/compartmental stability somehow?
not that i know of
Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
im not religious but i do believe there is some force that does things
What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
im an architecture student, so far i like it, designing a specific building for a specific person to suit their needs and comfort, how they would function inside it, my fav architect is antoni gaudi bc his works, every building's detail has a function or a meaning to it, which is not just existing but serving it's purpose
If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
for right now, i would feel refreshed bc semester just ended and i need to restore my sanity, but if im feeling energetic then i would rather spend it with my friends,
What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage i?
im not really good at sports, but i do like running it makes me happy i dont know why, i like doing stuff that requires my brain like puzzles, sudoku, video games, movies with complicated plot
How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
honestly depends of what mood im in, but since im an architecture student i tend to touch every material, and be curious about the function of the elements. i like listening to interesting takes on life or anything, that is different from others, but generally idk if im curious or not. im not sure if this considers as curious or not, but i like thinking about life, what is the purpose of humans, why they act selfish or why they act like a bitch generally, trying to find an answer to anything.
Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
i like leadership positions, i like being in control, i like being organized, i think i will do a perfect as a manager lol. when im traveling with my friends i always do the bookings, transport, almost everything
Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
im kinda clumsy but i have great reflexes, i dont really pay attention to my surroundings like if im traveling in a group and some stranger says something i only find out after my friend tells me about it. i like painting, it feels so calm
Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
i like painting, bc i like blending colors, it just feels so free yk. i like listening to music, i listen to almost every genre based on my mood that day, i rly wanna learn how to play on a piano
What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
i dont think about the past, present, sometimes future but lately i stopped worrying about the future instead just making plans, i mostly just think about anything that doesnt really involve time, i be thinking about life, people, or any concept, or just making my own opinions
How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
i like to help even if doesnt benefit me, but if its something absurd then fuck no, im a straightforward person you see, if i dont want to help i js straight up say sry cant help
Do you need logical consistency in your life?
define logical consistency
How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
It is important to me, im more work first, play later person. ive been thinking lately, i thought i wasnt a competitive person but during the process idc if im not the best or worst, but at the result i actually do care, i want to be better, idk why it contradicts, the process and the result
Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
mostly to gain something for myself, when i want something i plan like a scenario in my head of how they would react and what i would say
What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
is it weird that i realized i dont have any beneficial hobbies, ex: playing video games, drawing, im not consistent at anything, i start something and drop it
What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
i like organized teachers, i also like teachers who talk in an interesting way, like connecting the subject to real life or anything interesting. i like teachers who talk in broad sense and not yappers. im really bad at memorizing things, i try to understand rather than memorizing, i like my design classes because u can create something meaningful and good as long as its serving a purpose
How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
before i start doing any project first i break it up into simples things then start doing it
What's important to you and why?
i honestly dont know, as most people say happiness, its not for me, i dont think i know the meaning of true happiness, i dont really feel happy i just feel calm, my main purpose in life isnt being happy, im fine with not being happy. but i do wanna live without worrying about anything
What are your aspirations?
i want to be a good architect that will change my city to a better one, but first i need the power in order to do so. i want to be smarter and more knowledgeable and skillful
What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
i dont like selfish people, but at the same time in try to understand their angle so its kinda hard for me to js say wow shes so selfish bc there r so many perspectives spilling in my head that makes it hard to contribute to one (it happens always, but im working on it). I dont like people who dont try to understand the other person. I hate rooms without windows because it feels so uncomfy, mostly because i need to see the sky to live, if no sky then i feel trapped inside it
What do the "highs" in your life look like?
no worries, like talking to people
What do the "lows" in your life look like?
see the worst in people
How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
as i said i dont really pay attention to my surroundings, sometimes im in deep thought but would really call it daydreaming. When im meeting someone i dont see their outfits but more of what kind of person they are
How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
i do pros and cons, consequences, if its risky but worth the result then im doing it
How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
for now i feel numb, i dont rly care about anything right now prolly bc i didnt sleep for few days doing my project. but i do think its important to open up to someone or tell them what u didnt appreciate about their actions towards you, and communication is the key. but i feel uncomfortable opening about my depressive thoughts because it feels like im asking for attention, but i do say it straightforwardly about questionable actions done towards, bc some people think youre okay to mess with, so if u shut them down at low there wont be high
Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
not really, im not a people pleaser, but sometimes i dont really want to argue i dont agree i just say "i see", since that sentence isnt agreeing nor disagreeing
Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?
depends on the rule, if its messing with my values then i first think about the consequence, if its mild then fuck the rules
What is the ideal life, in your opinion?
having the power to change things
Please ask me questions

I don’t know what type of doctor I should see. Post menopausal woman, bmi 24, no history of any significant health issues. Healthy diet, regular exercise (usually walking).
I’ve been having abdominal pains and back pain on right side. They are not severe, they’re very similar to pain I had prior to menopause. Menopause was 13 years ago, this pain started 4 years ago. It was small at first and is gradually increasing in duration and intensity. It’s pretty much always there, though intensity varies
So far I have seen my primary care doctor, then the doctor who replaced them after they retired. Had CT scan and an MRI of upper abdomen, plus typical bloodwork. Nothing found. Two gynecologists say it’s not a gyn problem. Had a colonoscopy two years ago, no issue. A year ago the gastro dr did a test for blood in stool, no blood found.
Primary care chalked it up to adhesions, but the only surgery I have had was close to thirty years ago, and the way this pain is, doesn’t seem like that is a logical diagnosis. For example, it hurts even if I sit or lay still. Movement doesn’t matter, probing doesn’t matter, it is not bone/joint, it’s a deep inner ache. It seems unrelated to eating.
No one has any idea what is causing the pain but I’ve got a bad feeling about it, and I do not know what type of physician I should see. I can live with the pain but I want to know what it is, because I am worried.
Any advice of who to see next?

I'm British 34F, 156cm and maintain around 16% body fat. Eat a high protein and fibre diet, avoid eating UPF. No other medical conditions, never been to hospital before and usually slather white tiger balm or patches on my forehead for headaches.
I moved from Japan to SE Asia temporarily for work. After being here for 2.5 months I was getting the worst headaches of my life when my wisdom teeth started coming through. The headaches were concentrated above my left eye and blurred my vision in my left eye.
I went to a dentist within an English speaking hospital who said my wisdom teeth were fine but they recommended I went to the onsite pharmacy due to the headaches. They gave me 8/500mg co-codamol (effervescent tablets) and wrote 'Max 3 per day' on the packet in English.
I took 1 a day for the first 4 days, none of the 5th and 6th days and then took 1 a day for the following 4 days. 8 within 10 days.
The morning after I took the last tablet I woke up with jaundice - eye whites, face, chest, abdomen and arms. I also had diarrhoea, sore throat, lots of spots on my lower face, a different type of headache that felt more like swelling on the top of my head, feeling dizzy whenever I sat up/down and very fatigued.
I went to a different hospital and paid for a blood, kidney and liver test and was told it came back on the high side of normal. They said the dose I took wasn't consistent with my symptoms and I may be sensitive to paracetamol and may have Gilbert's syndrome. They said to come back if the jaundice worsened or I started feeling pain in my abdomen - thankfully neither happened.
It's now 8 days since I took the last tablet and I still have a hint of jaundice, it has gone down though and my skin is usually very cool toned. I still feel extremely tired, I usually exercise most days (rowing and weights) but at the moment my thighs and calfs feel exhausted after walking up 3 flights of stairs.
Do I need to do anything else/seek more medical attention? Will this damage my liver in the longterm? I'm here for another 6 weeks. Excuse the throwaway, a bit too personal for my main.

Please don’t share. First, I just want to say that I am fully aware that i have had my moments in life that absolutely make me an AH. Nobody can say i have not tried my hardest. Our separation was painful, difficult, and the catalyst did not come from us. It was not what we wanted.
There have been marriages, divorces, children. Ive tried to be happy, tried to make others happy. I have spent every single day of my life wishing I was with her. Yes, i know it is unfair for others.
It is not one sided. We have connected on/off through the years, but there was always someone else on either side. We have never wanted to harm others.
Now, it has been a lifetime, and i dont want to continue living like this. Can i? Sure. It is what it has always been. I dont want to do life like this anymore. It hurts. I want to be selfish for once. I cant talk about this with anyone. So here I am.

I’m a type 1 diabetic and currently 20 years old I weigh 156 lbs and for the past few months have been having this problem with spicy chips mainly turbos flamas. Whenever I eat them during the day I’m completely fine however the side effects only happen after 4am which would be the following. I would feel slight nausea which would only grow slowly but I would never vomit just gag and spit a few times before having diarrhea but what I find strangest about it is how my blood sugar levels would drop low every time no matter what. I could drink a whole litter of soda or juice and not have a single drop of insulin before hand and still have my levels drop below 50. I’m not sure why this happens or how it could even happen but would appreciate theories. I’ve already decided to completely cut any type of spicy chips out of my life but still want to know why this happens especially the whole ordeal with my blood sugar dropping the way it does whenever the whole series of events happens

The Death of the Witness by Joel Lane
Published and excerpted from The Earth Wire (1994) by Joel Lane

Around five in the morning, Sarah gave up trying to sleep. Thin sunlight reached through the bars across the window frame. She dressed and went out onto the balcony, which overlooked most of the estate. It was still chilly; the sun hadn't yet heated the dark pebble-dashed walls. There was a strange smell in the air, something like petrol or turpentine or white spirit. Sarah breathed in deeply. From the city centre, she could hear the vague hissing and scraping sounds of traffic. Nobody was visible in the courtyard, or anywhere on the grid of little roads that divided up the estate. When she looked down from the balcony, the side of the building tilted forward like a giant ship. With an effort, Sarah kept her feet and stepped back into the doorway. The sunlight flashed in her eyes like a camera; when she looked away, focusing on a place where she didn't normally look, she noticed the couple.
They were beyond the reinforced glass partition at the end of the walkway. They could have got there by climbing through the staircase window. Sarah walked up to the glass; they didn't seem to notice her. They were standing together, looking out into the tide of early morning light that glistened on their faces. A boy and a girl, no older than fourteen; both wearing T-shirts and ripped jeans. They were shivering. The boy was holding a Pyrex dish. Even from a distance, in the open air, Sarah could smell what they were smearing from it onto their hands, and onto each other's faces. Her vision blurred again, then came back into focus – as if she were watching two swimmers repeatedly break the surface of the water.
They were looking at her. Their eyes ate the sunlight. The girl reached up and peeled a scrap of pearl from the sky; she touched it onto the boy's face. They were painting each other with light. Sarah felt tears heating her eyes – prisms that broke and drained her, as though pain were only colours. The girl waved at her through the grid of wires in the glass. Still waving, she stepped to the edge of the parapet where there was no railing – and then crouched, tipping herself forward like a diver. Sarah didn't hear the sound the girl made when she hit the ground, seven floors below. She couldn't hear the traffic any more.
A few minutes later, the boy came out through the security door. He stumbled across the courtyard to the corner where the body lay, and knelt beside it for a while. Then he went back into the tower block, struggling with his key. An ambulance came silently a few minutes later. Two ment put the girl's body onto a stretcher and covered it. Standing on the balcony, Sarah watched until it was all over. The boy go into the back of the ambulance with the others. The engine started up, and the ambulance drove away. There was no siren. The iris-shaped smear of blood on the concrete paving grew darker as the sun climbed up the sky.