There's a "dad joke" I heard that goes: My therapist told me to write out a big long rant letter to everyone I have a problem with, burn them all to ashes, and scatter the ashes into the wind. I did all that last weekend, but now I'm not sure what to do with the letters.
This post feels like that big, long rant, but I genuinely could really use some help/ideas beyond "go to marriage counseling." I provide so much to the family and household that isn't reciprocated, but trying to set boundaries to feel more balanced gets passive-aggressive and/or silent treatment. I'm not writing all this here just to vent, I've actually edited this down pretty significantly to summarize what I'm going through and giving some examples.
Thanks for giving me the space to share this.
Me (50/M), Wife (45/F), two kids 15 and 13. We have no family who live anywhere close to us. We're in the middle of America, her divorced parents are on the coast, and mine's in Canada where I'm originally from (in case my username didn't give that away).
TLDR at the bottom.
Trigger warnings: a ruined birthday, shared/not-shared finances, me losing my cool and walking out on my family and getting the silent treatment since, and apparently being the only parent/grown-up in the house.
To this family, I feel that all I am to them is the income/paycheck and personal chef, and I'm ready to walk away. My wife won't communicate, gets defensive and angry, and doesn't contribute to the marriage or teach our kids about responsibility, so I look like a jerk all the time. If I speak up and ask her to help, I'm treated like a jerk. If I don't speak up, she does nothing.
Background about physicality, work and finances
I work in tech, typically 50-70 hours per week, and take on occasional (< 5 hrs/week) contract work as a side business to pay for my 3D printing hobby that I'm also trying to turn into a side business. She works part-time maybe one full day of work throughout the week on an as-needed basis.
My job pays the benefits, and I've established a retirement fund for us, plus a 401K and Roth IRA, plus a 529 account for each of the kids that I've been investing in since they were born. I paid off both cars. We're debt-free except for our mortgage, and we have enough assets to pay off the house if we choose to.
We each have a bank account for ourselves, plus a joint bank account. Her part-time paychecks and other money from an inheritance, goes 100% into her account only, and I use my account for my 3D printing business to maintain an LLC. Just about everything financial is paid for from my paychecks. I've always treated this as "our" money. All bills, mortgage, memberships, subscriptions (Netflix, etc), things the kids need (clothing, shoes, school supplies, etc), furniture, medical bills, etc are all paid from a joint account that is funded 100% by my paycheck. She makes no contributions to this account, but she does withdraw from it for fast food, snacks she buys just for herself, her own crafting hobbies, and she'll pick up maybe $100/month for some groceries.
I promised her before we were even married that if she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom or, at any point, go back to work, she'd have my full support either way, and I've kept that promise. She worked full-time for about 2 years before we had kids and worked a fair bit of part-time work before the kids started school in 2013. She's been at her part-time job for 2 years, so quite a span where she didn't work at all.
She works as a 1099 contractor and, despite repeatedly being asked to, won't reserve money for tax time. So, not only does she spend 100% of her paycheck, but I have to be sure that we save enough to cover her tax bill every year. She's never offered to contribute to tax payments we have to make.
I had gallbladder surgery and bariatric surgery, so I've had pretty restrictive dietary needs for the past 5-6 years. She often made comments about me being heavy and having a shortened life span, but since my bariatric surgery, she's expressed resentment about my body changing (I lost 120+lbs) and now doesn't care to learn what kinds of protein/carb/fat balance I need, and gained about 80lbs herself. As such, she does not contribute to any meal planning, which means I'm doing 95% of all meal planning, groceries, and cooking.
When it comes to cooking, I'm a damn good cook, and it's 100% because of YouTube. She grew up in an environment where she wasn't encouraged to cook or even learn to, so she lived on PBJ through college until we started dating and I would cook or take her out. When the kids were in their "picky" stages of 4yrs-9yrs of age, she got frustrated with cooking but years later still holds to that "NOBODY likes what I cook". So she makes maybe 2 or 3 meals per month now, and it's always the same meals. Last night, she cooked 10 people's worth of macaroni with a single pound of ground beef and more than a pound of cheese. I had to pick out the meat to get my protein and then drink a protein shake afterward, and then got offended that I threw away the noodles/cheese. (My diet needs high protein, low carbs, and almost no fat, she knows this because I tell her quite often, but she won't do anything about it; she's bought maybe 3 shelves worth of cookbooks and won't even open them or go take a class or anything.)
Our oldest kid has shown an interest in cooking and will maybe cook one meal per week and ask me to help him out, so I share what I've learned, things I've tried, experimented with, lessons learned, etc., and we have a good time, and they really appreciate the learning opportunity. On the rare occasion I do see my wife making dinner in the kitchen, I show her that I'm really happy about what she's making and ask if she wants help chopping or anything and I only get "no" as an answer and completely shut down like I'm not supposed to be in the kitchen. I'll try to have conversation with her but then she can't concentrate on cooking, chopping, etc, and then "ruined" dinner is my fault.
"Her" money versus "our" money, and how we spend our days/weekends
My wife had a relative die quite a few years ago and in the fall of 2018 was given a $250k inheritance. She has always referred to this as "her" money, "her" retirement, in case "she" needs a nursing home later. I'm not in her future plans, apparently. She gave $50k of it to a cousin who was deliberately left out of that relative's will. My wife's will leaves any remaining inheritance money to the kids. No mention of me anywhere whatsoever.
Once the inheritance money hit her bank account, she decides to buy a horse from halfway across the country and put it in a boarding stable 20 minutes from the house. It was a childhood dream of hers. Apparently, she's allowed to pursue her dreams and interests, it's "her" money, I'm not allowed to tell her what to do with it, but she complains when my 3D printing business makes enough money to buy another printer to keep up with demand... And my hobby takes up less time per week than she spends at the barn.
When she's not working her one-day-a-week job, she's at the boarding stable for a few hours per day, playing with her horse, taking selfies, taking him on walks, not actually riding him. With her remaining time at home, and when she gets home with the kids, she's lying on the couch, acting worn out and tired like she just bench-pressed the friggin' horse. (And yes, I know horse training CAN be exhausting, but she's not doing anything exhausting with him. She literally walks him on a path, or walks him in circles in an arena enclosure, or she's brushing him down and bathing him to look nice for Instagram)
In the summer of 2018, right before she got this inheritance money, she spent $50k of "our" money on a kitchen renovation that she insisted she designs herself, and then felt guilty about the bill and me having to take on more side contracting work to pay off the HELOC in a reasonable amount of time, and contributed back $10k to the whole project from "her" money afterward. "Her" money paid for the kids' orthodontics, about $3k each. But she literally contributes NOTHING else financially to the family.
If I had to guess, she's got about $150k left of that inheritance money, maybe less, she won't ever tell me about it. And we don't get a notice from the bank about interest gained at tax time every year because she put it in an account that makes ZERO interest. She sees my investments with 25%-40% gains, but won't ever ask for my help or input. Instead, she asked 3 other guys at work who told her to at least get a Vanguard account, but almost 6 years later she's never done it.
I work full-time as mentioned, and work from home. Work is typically 50+ hours per week but I try to cap it at 60-ish if I can. For the past month I've been on a project with a tight deadline, and working more like 10-14 hours per day 6 days per week. It's like that in tech, she's been understanding of this in the past, and I'm sure to take jobs where this is NOT the norm. Still, I'm always happy to help drive the kids to/from school or to music lessons or doctors, but I'm usually treated like "how dare you," that's "her" job, like that's her contribution to everything.
She works a part-time job doing marketing. Maybe 2-3 hours a day, one or two days per week. Sometimes busier in Q1 as they prep/plan most of the year, but then very low-lift afterward. She spends maybe 40 minutes per day taking the kids to/from school. Other than that, she's at the barn or on the couch. (have I mentioned we've gone through several couches that "our" money pays for??)
The marital imbalance I'm dealing with
She won't enforce chores for the kids, remind them to do laundry, or clean their rooms, or even shower. She'll text me "one of the boys smells" after taking them to school, but won't insist they shower, or back me up on the whole "c'mon guys, brush twice a day at least, and shower at least every 2 days with actual some soap on your bodies and actual shampoo on your hair, and use deodorant..." She'll make remarks like "Didn't you wear and sleep in those clothes for the past 3 days?" but won't make them change, or tell them to do their laundry.
She might do dishes 2 to 3 times per month, it's normally a chore we give to the kids, but she never enforces it. If they stack up for 3 days she'll do some of them but not all of them. One kid was born on an odd-numbered day, the other on an even-numbered day, so the rule is if today is an even or odd day, we know whose turn it is to do the dishes. And if the month has an odd number of days, I do the dishes on the 31st/29th day. But they're teenagers, they'd rather be in their rooms being teenagers, so I have to constantly remind them. Neither of them checks that the dishes are even clean before putting them away, something she specifically called out being embarrassed about when we were dating and visiting her mom's house where half of the dishes in the cupboard still had dried food all over them.
And then garbage day, or yard work, or vacuuming, cleaning a bathroom, cleaning their room, shoveling snow. She doesn't help enforce ANY of the chores that we agreed on. So I'm the sole disciplinarian around here, which makes the kids grow up thinking they better avoid me or I'm the jerk who's gonna put them to work.
Nothing happens around here unless I ask the rest of the family. I've purposefully left chores undone for "that's almost a health hazard" amounts of time and still nobody takes the initiative, nor will she ask the kids to help. They all see the work needs to be done, but they won't choose to help, and they're probably learning from her example of just sitting in some other room/area of the house and someone else will do it someday.
Even asking them "what kind of meals do you want this week, what haven't we had in a while, what's your favorite meal," you'd swear I was asking them to cure cancer every Saturday so I could start to plan meals for the following week and get groceries on Sunday, which has been our routine since the kids could talk.
Their cop-out is to skip the 3 shelves of cookbooks and flip through a binder we kept from a few months of Hello Fresh meals but then it's the same 10-12 meals that get kinda old after a while.
I feel like I have no help from anyone.
I reached my tipping point, and recently walked out on my family
A little over three weeks ago, I'm on this tight deadline at work, getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep at night, pulling 10-14 hour days. It's a Wednesday, I remember about 430pm that I should commit my code, as I usually do 'cause I need to make dinner because nobody else is gonna do it. Oh, wait, tonight was grilled cheese and tomato soup -- literally, ANYONE ELSE in the house, including our 13yr old who has never shown any interest in cooking, could heat a can of soup and melt cheese between bread, right??? Surely SOMOENE else in the family will handle dinner, so I keep working (note, without asking anyone else to help with dinner), hoping someone else will handle the meal. (and yes, I know this is typically against my diet, but I indulge in this low-protein, high-carb, higher-fat meal about once a month.)
At 730pm my wife comes STOMPING into my office area, "I can't make the grilled cheese like you do." No politeness, just turns and stomps back to the kitchen. I follow her to the kitchen, where the tomato soup is on a RAPID boil, yet she hasn't even started making the grilled cheese sandwiches. I turn the soup off, take it off the burner, and start to describe what to do for the grilled cheese. It's honestly nothing special; I put shredded cheese in the pan to get crusty on the outside of the bread, then stack up the the grilled cheese, put break on top, let the inner cheese melt, and flip it onto more shredded cheese. Highly recommended.
She says "Oh" and ... LEAVES THE KITCHEN, leaving me there expecting me to make dinner... and I'm pissed. I should have just gone back to my work area, but she parks herself back on the couch.
I get everything made, and of course nobody sets the table, ever. Now I'm seriously pissed off, so I slam some dishes in the middle of the table and go back into the kitchen to get the pot of soup and plate of sandwiches. I get back to the dinner table, where my wife and youngest are just standing there, STILL not setting the table despite me standing there with food that I can't even put down. So I drop the food on the table wherever I can, soup splashes everywhere, and I start setting the table while they stand there and watch and ... I lost my cool. I flung bowls and spoons in the general area where they're supposed to be at the table, and I walked out of the house. I returned 4 or 5 hours later once they were all in bed.
The ONE meal in my busy schedule that ANY of them could have made, and her contribution was putting a can of soup in a pot.
She still didn't make any meals for the rest of the week. That Sunday she put a meal plan together for the whole following week. Again, all super carb-heavy when she knows my own diet can't handle that. And then she stopped planning ANYTHING ELSE SINCE THEN. The following week's "meal plan" was just a list of who was home on which night because of end-of-school-year events going on. No meals, no grocery list. Meanwhile I'm still on my deadline... Last week, no help at all. This week, zero help.
So this week's meal plan I finally set a boundary for myself that was VERY clear to them: I'm planning to cook 3 meals for the whole week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and left the rest open with no meal planned. Last night at 6pm she made her "hamburger helper" and plans "ramen" for tomorrow (again, all noodles and broth, very little protein), but no other help from her for the rest of the meal plan for the remainder of the week.
My recently ruined 50th birthday
My birthday was a little over a week ago. I turned 50. Send me your favorite dad jokes, please, I beg of you.
My wife asked me 2 or 3 months ago if I wanted any kind of party, etc. to which I said yeah, I'd love to have a few friends over, named several of them, all of whom she either has in her phone, or are guys married to women that I know she stays in regular contact with. I mentioned some all-you-can-eat places that we could go, just the 4 of us, where I could pick out good proteins etc. and they could eat whatever they wanted.
I got nothing. No dinner out. No party. No friends.
The night before my birthday, she was too lazy to get off the couch, so I went to bed alone. I woke up in bed alone. I told the family the day before that I wanted French Toast for breakfast, normally something we'd do on Christmas Day, but it was my 50th birthday gosh darn it, and I was even thawing bacon. I even bought all the groceries needed. Nope, had to cook that alone too, so I only made enough for me, and ate alone. Showered alone, 'cause we haven't been intimate in ... 3 months? 4 months? And who cares that it's my birthday.
Nobody asked if I wanted to go out anywhere, go see a movie, go for a hike with the dog, nothing. So I went out with the dog, alone.
That night I had to make dinner for the family, again, on my own friggin' birthday. Alone in the kitchen. AND I had to remind the kids to clean up the kitchen afterward 'cause they won't do it unless they're told. She bought tiny pieces of cheesecake for dessert, which she knows I don't like and can't eat because of my diet. I had one tiny piece, she and the kids ate the rest.
No cake, no candle, no balloons. It was my FIFTIETH birthday ...
We have some serious communication breakdown going on
Since I walked out of the house a few weeks back, she only talks to me when she wants something, and that comes across more as a demand, "I need you to pick the kids up from school, I have to be at work" and walks away She won't say good morning or even hi, unless I say it first. Lately, I say "hi" or "hey" as we're passing in the house and I get no response at all. I get literal one-word responses when I ask her a question. A few nights ago, several nights in a row, I'm in the living room on my laptop trying to get more work done, she'll come in the room, not ask me what I'm doing or if I'm working, and blast a TV show on her phone at near-maximum volume, and fall asleep on the couch.
She gets mad and offended any time I offer constructive criticism of any kind. And it doesn't matter how delicately I try to phrase things, I'll agonize for days over exactly which words to use, she'll get super defensive, angry and lash out, and give me the silent treatment for weeks.
Last Tuesday was an end-of-year awards show for our youngest, who's finishing 8th grade. He's really into music and he stayed after school to practice for the event. She comes home to get ready then decides to leave for the event by herself. I only noticed when the garage opened and closed. She doesn't say anything to me or our oldest kid about what time she wanted to leave or if we're ready to go, she just ... left. Well of COURSE we both want to go, but now we have to drive there separately. And he wins a TON of awards, one from his classmates, one from his teacher, and one from the school. I'd have been PISSED to have missed that. "Oh, I thought you didn't want to go..." was her reason later.
This past Saturday, I do ALL the yardwork 'cause she won't tell the kids to help and I'm frankly tired of having to ask for help. A few hours of yard work later, I tell my youngest to vacuum 'cause nobody vacuums around here unless I tell them to and honestly it's gross. I hop in the shower to clean up and cool down from the yard work. Youngest decides it's "too hot in the house" and sits in the kitchen to eat a popsicle instead of vacuuming. No backup from my wife at all on this, who's still parked on the couch. So I get upset with him, he does a half-assed job, says he's "tired' (from watching YouTube all day) and goes back to his room and we don't see him again the rest of the day. Again, no help or backup from my wife.
It's now 7pm in the house Saturday night, and -- shocker -- NOBODY has bothered to even ASK about dinner much less put any kind of food together. 8pm rolls around and my oldest finally emerges from his own room, starts thawing some chicken, and comes to ask me for help to make a meal, which I happily do. Until I get grumbly comments about "why are we eating so late." And my wife makes her way back to the couch. Not so much as a "thanks for cooking" or offer to clean up. And of COURSE nobody is doing the dishes, because DAD didn't remind anyone.
WHAT DO I DO??
19 years ago when we got married, this felt like a marriage. We did stuff together, we split things evenly, shared responsibility and chores, we both cooked, we bought groceries together. The first few years with kids were rough, but it at least FELT like a partnership once we figured out how to be parents. But something has shifted over the past decade, and this feels less and less like a partnership, much less feeling like a marriage. This whole relationship feels very one-sided, I get no appreciation for any of my constant hard work and being a provider. Instead, she's accused me, twice, of having an affair, once to the point of giving me anxiety/panic attacks for which I was almost hospitalized.
Now, she and the kids are noticing and talking behind my back (like I can't hear them) about the fact that I'm not wearing my wedding band anymore. Of course, the kids won't ask me directly, and I'm not bringing it up myself, and my wife's not talking to me anyway. Maybe she's still mad that I got mad a few weeks ago and walked out? Hard to know when the person won't talk to you unless they want something from you.
I'll put the damn ring back on when it feels like a marriage again. But then the next time it comes off, I think it'll stay off.
TL;DR! To this family, I feel that all I am to them is the income/paycheck and personal chef, and I'm ready to walk away. I can see why parents stay together "for the kids." As with most marriages, it started great; we've had bumpy times, but we always got through it together. Nothing like this, though. My wife won't communicate, gets defensive and angry, and doesn't contribute to the marriage or teach our kids about responsibility, so I look like a jerk all the time. Something has shifted over the past decade, and this feels less and less like a partnership. This whole relationship feels very one-sided, I get no appreciation for any of my constant hard work and being a provider.

I am a 43M and have been dating, and in a committed BF/GF relationship with a 34F. We have been officially BF and GF since February. We do not live together but do work together.
Long story short, she sent me a text on Thursday evening ending the relationship and suggested that if I was “going to comment on other women’s social media post in the future, then I suggest that you make up a different username.” I was completely and utterly clueless as to what she was even talking about so I called her to ask her what she was referring to.
Long story even shorter, my old Reddit account that I haven’t logged into since 2021 was hacked/logged into. (I have my suspicions on who it was, but that is irrelevant). Someone logged in and uploaded profile pictures for the account (same as my Facebook and Apple ID profile pictures) and began commenting on NSFW photos on Reddit. She saw these comments.
I have tried explaining to her that it was not me. I have not logged into that account. I did manage to recover the account and logged in and deleted the account. But prior to Thursday I had not logged into that account since 2021.
She refuses to talk to me via phone, text, or anything. I am completely innocent. I have done nothing. I have never cheated or anything. The only logical explanations that I can come up with is a.) she is cheating and she logged in to make it look as if I did to cover her own actions, or b.) her ex somehow got into my account and did this to make it look like I was the one cheating. (She divorced him for him cheating. At least that is what she told me.)
I guess my question is this: how long should I wait before trying to talk to her. I am completely innocent. I have done nothing. And deep down I do not believe that she is cheating. But, at the end of the day, who knows…
I saw her at work this morning and asked her if there was anyway possible that this relationship was salvageable. She quickly and angrily answered “no”. I believe that she honestly feels as if I was the one posting these comments.
I am deeply and madly in love with her. This is killing me inside. My heart is literally broken and ripped in two.
From preferably a woman’s perspective, how long should I wait before trying to talk to her?

8 men/women, 4 from raw and 4 from smackdown, will qualify for the MiTB ladder match.
RAW: Finn Bálor def Ludwig Kaiser to qualify
RAW: Dakota Kai def Katana Chance to qualify
Smackdown: Carmelo Hayes def Cedric Alexander to qualify
Smackdown: Blair Davenport def Michin to qualify
RAW: Bron Breakker def Akira Tozawa to qualify
RAW: Kiana James def Zelina Vega to qualify
Smackdown: Solo Sikoa def Austin Theory to qualify
Smackdown: Candice LeRae def Indi Hartwell to qualify
RAW: CM Punk def Braun Strowman to qualify
RAW: Iyo Sky def Lyra Valkyria to qualify
Smackdown: Andrade def Johnny Gargano to qualify
Smackdown: Chelsea Green def Naomi to qualify
RAW: Ilja Dragunov def JD McDonaugh and Ludwig Kaiser to qualify
RAW: Maxxine Dupri def Shayna Baszler to qualify
Smackdown: LA Knight def Tama Tonga to qualify
Smackdown: Tiffany Stratton def Naomi to qualify
MATCH CARD:
Match 1: DIY def A Town Down Under (c)
Match 2: AJ Styles def Kevin Owens
Women’s MiTB: Candice LeRae def Dakota Kai, Blair Davenport, Kiana James, Iyo Sky, Chelsea Green, Maxxine Dupri, and Tiffany Stratton (match details below)
Match 3: Liv Morgan (c) no contest Asuka (Rhea Ripley returns and interferes)
Match 4: Chad Gable (c) def Dijak
Men’s MiTB: LA Knight def Finn Bálor, Carmelo Hayes, Bron Breakker, Solo Sikoa, CM Punk, Andrade, and Ilja Dragunov (match details below)
Match 5: Bayley (c) def Nia Jax
Match 6: Cody Rhodes (c) def Bobby Lashley
Women’s MiTB: Match is dominated by Damage CTRL for the first 80%
Piper Niven interferes
It comes down at the end to Tiffany Stratton on the top. Blair Davenport basically costs the match for herself and Stratton. Maxxine Dupri and Candice LeRae fight on the latter, with Candice LeRae knocking Dupri off and winning.
Men’s MiTB: Multiple people are costed the match by outside interference
Drew McIntyre costs CM Punk
Gunther and Ludwig Kaiser costs Ilja Dragunov
Damian Priest costs Finn Bálor (Priest is scared Balor will cash in on him)
Randy Orton and Kevin Owens cost Solo Sikoa
Andrade comes extremely close to winning but is stopped by Bron Breakker, who gets his match cost by Carmelo Hayes, who injures Bron Breakker’s leg.
It gets down to LA Knight vs Carmelo Hayes, where LA Knight hits a BFT off the ladder and grabs the MiTB to win.
This is my first time booking a card like this, and idk if I did that well. I hope you enjoyed regardless
And if you know by by username, Solo Sikoa baby face story finale is soon!

This is gonna sound super dumb but whatever. I was recently playing roblox, I had recently gotten some money, and was trying on avatars on this game i cant remember the name of. Anyways, to skip over some stuff, i tried on an avatar that was quited feminine, and it had a weird effect. I just really liked it, no not in a weird way (like some people i know), but it just felt nice to have on or something. This is an extremely online take, but i consider my online avatars and usernames and stuff like that extensions of myself. That outfit kinda felt more like me. Now that i think abiut it, ive always sorta liked playing around with my game characters, not too infrequently making them women. Ive explored my identity before, and although my feelings have changed a lot. Sometimes i prefer she/her, sometimes i dont. Sometimes i get upset when i look in the mirror and seem not fem enough, sometimes i love my mustache and how masc i look. I kinda settled on genderfluid, which kinda makes sense- but the label doesnt feel right, if ykwim. Ive also had confusion with anatomy. Ive imagined myself in so many different... configurations that i might as well be made out of lego. Also, to bring it back to roblox, which still feels so stupid to say in this situation, i remember thinking about just buying it to try it out, but remembering that if my brother or friends saw that it looked like that, theyd make fun of me, and i remember being sad that i couldnt wear it around them. Ive wanted to wear feminine clothing irl, but due to many factors, havs not done so. Idrk what else to say so like- opinions??? And sorry if this is such a weird thing to read, it feels so chronically online so i apologize for that.

My partner has had an issue with liking women’s promiscuous Instagram posts, after that he would continue to watch porn behind my back even if we were gone 1 night from eachother knowing how it made me feel, then he would use reddit as a source of porn, then he would take women’s usernames from Reddit and look them up on Snapchat. Didn’t see any conversations but he had clearly gone out of his way to look them up. Almost broke up because I have fear of cheating issues but didn’t. Then he got better for a while only for me to have figured out multiple times on and off he was still watching porn behind my back. I even caved at some points and watched it with him because I was scared he would leave me or cheat on me if he was always restricted like this. I would end up crying most times or feeling awful. The worst time was one night I caught him doing it in the bathroom while I was literally in the bedroom right by him. And now today I had reason to ask him why was he acting a certain way and he fessed up to (now that Instagram is deleted and he no longer has an account on Reddit) when he sees an attractive woman on TikTok he has been accessing Instagram through private browsing to look further on their profile page. He also knows I currently hate myself and how I look. We never have sex anymore. Due to him working and being overweight and me being on meds that affect my libido. But who cares. I’m so exhausted. And I’m only 23. Yet other than that he’s a great husband and is my best friend. I’m just sick of always getting hurt. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be single the rest of my life than be with another man if things end.

Petite Fitness Challenge Round 49!
This is our 49th round of a 4-week fitness challenge.
To join, participation is REQUIRED in Both of the following:

1. A google sheet doc where we log daily ( one or more of the following: calorie intake, workout activities, weight) which enforces accountability. You must log in some way for participation.
2. A group chat (using Discord) where we talk about anything fitness related, support each other, vent about fitness frustrations, share non-scale victories, etc.

WHAT:

4-week fitness challenge (maintenance, weight loss, or recomp) that requires active participation in logging daily on google sheets and discord group chat.

WHO:

kind and supportive petite women looking for a fitness group who will actively participate, see "Eligibility" section below to see if you qualify.

WHERE:

Discord app and Google Sheets

HOW TO JOIN:

Send me a chat or PM (I prefer chats over PMs) with your height, CW, and ultimate goals (i.e. GW, recomp, maintenance, weight loss, be able to do 100 push ups, deadlift 2x CW, etc!). I will then privately send an invitation to join discord where you will find the google sheets link. PLEASE, ONLY OPT IN IF YOU ARE 100% SURE YOU ARE GOING TO ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE.
By joining this community you agree to the following rules:

ELIGIBILITY

”Petite”: This group is open to women 5'4" and under. Please do not join if you are taller, it gives you an unfair advantage. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petite_size#:~:text=In%20fashion%20and%20clothing%2C%20a,(5%20ft%204%20in)).

SERVER RULES

Discord Name: You must use your discord username in the google sheet, not your reddit username.
New Members: Must join the Discord server & Google Sheet within 7 days of being accepted from reddit

CONDUCT

Zero Tolerance: Any form of hateful behavior (racist remarks, antisemitism, etc) or bullying will not be tolerated and result in an immediate ban. If you observe these behaviors or feel that you are being bullied, please report it to a moderator immediately.
*Health Advice Disclaimer: *Any information given by other users should not be taken as professional healthcare advice. If you have important and private questions about your health, please speak directly to a healthcare professional.
*Do not promote Eating Disorder (ED) Behaviors: *Do not promote eating <1200 calories/day or any other ED-related behaviors. We want everyone to feel safe here, so please be mindful of posting potentially triggering language. If you see this happening, please contact the mods.
TRACKING
*Inactivity: *The primary purpose of this group is accountability. Any member that has not tracked activity for 5 days on the Google Sheet without notifying the admins of extenuating circumstances will be removed from the Sheet and the Discord server. We follow a 3 strikes rule. Members who are kicked a third time for inactivity will be banned from the server. Members deemed inactive will be removed every Sunday.

MEMBERS FROM PREVIOUS ROUNDS SEE HERE

Members may appeal removal one time per round by messaging an admin. Appeals are tracked on the "Appeals" tab of the Google Sheet. If you were in a previous round you are not counted as a new member but as an appeal, so you can rejoin at any time during a round.

I'm writing it here because the person who finally explained the woman's reasoning blocked me so I wasn't able to thank her and explain the man's side. But I guess it may be helpful to write it out here instead in a several-hours old post for many to see.. Not sure if i can post her username, so i won't. Makes me sad i wasn't able to thank her.
So the gist of it is that for the woman, the hypothetical question is answered by putting non-implied assumptions and thinking "what's the best case scenario for me, in the long term, when I assess the worst case scenario of both options". And this is why for them they compare rp vs death and choose death.
Men however in their mind it is "simpler": "It's a hypothetical, so no life or death stake, so let's go with averages: What is the average man like, and what is the average bear like?" And thus choose man.
This is why when women say "there's a risk of getting rpd if i choose the man, for women they hear it as "this is my worst case scenario" while men hear it as "this is the average man"

In the off chance that any of you ladies see this, here is my Thank You.
Last night I stumbled across a post from a Tumblr OG, and in messaging her, taken back 10 years. 10 years to when I would browse sugar baby tumblr, in awe of these women who dated rich and powerful men, and were spoiled with gifts, cars, fully furnished apartments, electronics. You name it, it was purchased for them. Honestly, it would put the goals flair here to shame.
Since my conversation with said OG, I dug through every recess of my mind to remember usernames and situations. I'm just filled with complete humbling gratitude to you women. I'm literally typing this with tears in my eyes, as I think of who you helped me to become.
The confidence instilled in me to maintain boundaries.
The desire for more out of my romantic relationships, while all my college friends were being cheated on and hoodwinked.
The access to safety tools. The masterposts. The guides written for free.
The honesty that sugaring is not all sunshine and roses, it can be darkness and thorns.
Even the cuss outs when I and other newbies were doing or asking something stupid.
I'm truly grateful for it all. I hope you ladies are shining and achieving everything that I know you can. And I hope I give even a partial bit of as much advice as you ladies did.
Love, Sugaring, and Code Names,
D> - > DLS

The purpose of this post is to educate newcomers how to infiltrate AWDTSG groups from within since Facebook only allows you to report posts that you have access to. The group admins know this and they are being very careful who they let into these groups to take advantage.
When you attempt to join a private group Facebook reveals to their admins more about your profile than you may realize, even if you set privacy settings to "only you". Giving them hints that you are in infiltrator.
Private Information given to group admins:
number of groups and names number of Friends and names
Mutual friends Friends that are in the group Real date Facebook account was created Location Work
Facebook information that is always public: User Name User ID Profile photo Cover photo Gender
Since the real date your account was created is revealed to group admins, simply creating a new account won't be enough to infiltrate the group. You need an aged account.
Also having mutual friends that are in the group makes your account a lot more viable.
They set automated filters to decline accounts that don't meet specific criteria like being old enough or not having enough mutual friends in the group or not having a profile picture etc.
If you are declined by one of these automatic filters the admins won't have even read your message to the intro questions.
One way to have an aged account is to simply rename your main account to a girl name and change genders (thanks trans people). If you do this remember to also change the username which is separate from the profile name.
ANSWERS: (Please use variations of this and not word for word can use chatgpt to summarize)
Please briefly summarize Group Rule #1 in your own words. ... If you copy and paste any part of it or don't answer this question you will be denied. Please include what the last line says you should be mentally prepared for.
Avoid telling men or sharing media about the group to maintain its secrecy and ensure it's a safe space for women to support each other. However, be prepared if the information you shared ends up getting out.
Please briefly summarize Group Rule #2 in your own words. If you copy and paste any part of it or don't answer this question you will be denied. Make sure to include where the details should go when posting. Hint: No details can be in the post text.
Refrain from including negative content in post titles. Instead, provide general information and reserve specifics such as first names and photos for the comments section. Only discuss men if you've dated them or have a genuine reason to.
Please briefly summarize Group Rule #5 here. If you copy and paste any part of it or don't answer this question you will be denied. Make sure to include what will happen to you if you make any mean, judgmental, or unnecessary comments about anyone.
Be mindful not to be mean or judgmental, as it could lead to being banned. Focus on sharing personal experiences with guys or offering helpful information for other women. This platform is not for making jokes or assumptions about men, but rather for providing support and useful insights.
I'll post more as I discover more but feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

So this is a long and weird story... I'll try to keep it short, but buckle up.
I was with my ex from 2018 to June/July 2023, so quite a while. I broke up with him last summer because it felt like I was begging for the bare minimum, he wouldn't move out with me, and I felt like we were just headed nowhere and that I wasn't valued. However to be clear, I never wanted to lose him. I felt more or less cornered into breaking up with him because I spent years waiting for more and it was breaking me down. After our breakup we still talked frequently and it still felt as though he was my best friend, and I'll admit we still slept together often- the only change was I felt freed from being disappointed by him on a romantic relationship front. Fast forward to January 2024, and he randomly told me one day that he needed to shut down all social media and ghost me for a few days because "something bad happened", but that he loved me very much and would explain when he could. At this time I came to find out through a facebook group and through other women that he cheated on me with at LEAST 4-5 women (that I know of) throughout our relationship. And not only that, but I found out a girl he was seeing for 10 months (prior to me dumping him) broke it off with him because she found out he had a girlfriend... but that girlfriend she was referring to wasn't me. It was another girl. He was dating AND MOVED IN WITH another girl BEFORE I BROKE UP WITH HIM. And keep in mind, one of the main reasons I broke up with him was because he wouldn't move in with me.
Anyway... he created a secret snapchat, complete with a username that is the nickname he calls me, to continue talking to me behind her back. He finally fessed up to dating and living with this other person while still in a relationship with me, among others. I didn't keep quiet and let all these other women know that he was with me the whole time he saw each and every one of them. So to my knowledge, she knows I was in the picture long before her and basically the entirety of their relationship, but she didn't break up with him. However I know for a fact she's not aware that he was sleeping with me all those months between our breakup and when I found this stuff out. And I know she's not aware he's still talking to me right now. He's gradually been trying to get close to me again and is basically still trying to cheat on her- because not all cheating is physical of course.
So... do I tell my ex's new girlfriend that he both has in the past and currently is trying to cheat on her with me?
Note: To be clear, I have not kept talking to him to crap on the new girl. I was with this man for years and had a loooot of questions I needed answers to and a lot of closure to get. Plus, as I said, he was my best friend. I took a long time to wrap my head around letting him go because loving someone doesn't stop in an instant. I would have never continued seeing him if I knew someone else was in the picture. Now I just feel bad that he's doing to this girl the exact same thing he did to me, and I wish someone had told me much sooner... that's why I wonder if I should tell her, even if that requires admitting that I've been talking with him all this time behind her back. I'm at the point where I'm done and don't want to be in the middle, but I don't feel like I owe him anything and should not be doing him any more favours by keeping his secret after everything he did to me.
TL;DR- was with my ex 2018-2023, continued seeing him after I dumped him, found out after the fact that he was dating someone else and moved in with her BEFORE I dumped him which means I also found out that basically the table flipped and he was now cheating on her with me, even after this was all found out he continued to talk to me on a secret snapchat. I'm wondering if I should tell the new girlfriend that he's been talking to me and also cheated on her with me because I'm certain she doesn't know. I'm at the point where I'm done and don't want to be in the middle, but I don't feel like I owe him anything and should not be doing him any more favours by keeping his secret after everything he did to me.

The Context:

A user posts to /BoomersBeingFools wondering if boomers don’t eat enough and are “starving” themselves, and by extension pushing their expectations unfairly onto others.
Many users quickly take issue with OOP’s premise. The discussion quickly devolves into multiple slapfights, insults over weight, and the war in Gaza.

The Drama:

Does metabolism change as people age?

People commenting it’s cause they’re older and don’t need to eat as much. Yes, I know that could be a part of it, but let’s be honest, it’s mostly them just being judgy/brainwashed by diet culture/think it’s absurd to spend money on eating out…

"Brainwashed by diet culture" ah so in other words you are obese and need to eat a lot and probably deeply into healthy at any size/fat acceptance.
No they just know they don't need 5000 calori3s a day to exist.

I’m obese for wanting to eat some lunch and dinner? 🤯

No I say that because of "brainwashed by diet culture" there's exactly one group that talks like that.

You must not get out much

[Continued:]

I do actually it's how I maintain not being fat. Limiting calories to under 2500 and being outside moving a lot.

I lost 140 pounds by eating more. 🤷 starving myself led to weight gain.

I'm sure you eat more but less calories in total. No one increases their calories and losses sorry.

You're wrong. Instunted my metabolism and my body was holding on to the weight to protect me.
I was eating skinless baked chicken and plain broccoli for 2 years and could not lose weight. I was sick and exhausted but worked out all the time.
Started eating carbs and the weight came melting off.
Sorry :)

[Continued:]

For sure. Thats why all the body builders are morbidly obese. They eat chicken and broccoli and their body just goes into starvation mode and holds all the fat. Same with like the concentration camps. All those poor morbidly obese starving people. Once we saved them and fed them the weight just shed off. It's the craziest thing.

It's almost like bodies are different, user name doesn't check out, a nerd would know that 🤔

Whatever you need to tell yourself.

[…]

i guess the law of thermodymanics doesnt apply to you.
You should get studied. Defying the laws of thermodynamics is pretty impressive!

[…]

Tell me you see someone fat in the store and cringe inside/judge them for no reason without ever speaking to them without telling me 😂
You dislike/hate fat people for the horrid crime of being fat when they don't think about you at all and haven't ever wronged you in any way at all.
Also, I can tell you have never struggled with your weight in the past due to not giving a shit how hating random people for looking a certain way effects them. That, or you did struggle once, and bought into the haters telling you you were worth less based on the number on the scale, in which case I am sorry you believe that.

Dude I was 350lbs at my heaviest. People love saying "oh he says weightloss is eat less move more? Clearly he wants to genocide fat people" but no that's not it at all. I lost tons and most of the people around me went from morbid obesity to overweight or a normal weight. We changed our lifestyles and got in shape. The people that didn't lose weight claim all kinds of medical issues but none of them changed their diet and not of them want to work out. It's pretty clear how to lose weight. That's all.
No more no less no hate.

Wanna know how I know you're a liar or incredibly ignorant of how you come off?
You say you don't dislike them but make fun of their physical disabilities like it's funny. It's not funny. You're making fun of them. It's not funny to make fun of people for having disabilities or for how they look. You perpetuate hate against them that makes them feel like crap for being alive. I don't care about your spiel about medical issues or dieting in general or the fat acceptance movement. When you make fun of disabled people who have trouble walking i'm going to call you out on it. That's exactly what you did. Whether they're fat or not I refuse to make fun of people for that.

I have never made fun of a single person. Only a movement that claims you can be healthy at any size. You can't be vastly under or over weight and be healthy.

Whatever you say buddy. Keep on making fun of people because they can't walk or cope some more that it wasn't directed at a specific person. Have fun with that.

[Continued:]

Shut the fuck up fatty

Insults are made, ending with accusations of sockpuppeting:

I don't think you realize how pathetic you sound. When my jaw was broken I went 6 weeks without solid food and I'm sitting here rolling my eyes at your propensity for letting your stomach color your opinions of other people. I'd bet dollars to dimes that your body mass index is over 30.

Hey.
You should know:
It costs $0 to not be a dick.

I'll pay that cover charge any day of the week. Especially when I'm dealing with a major league dipshit like [Candy_cane999]
Radagast was brown, nerd.

Wow, you’re disgusting. It’s not that deep

Says the person here gossiping about their relative's metabolism. "Not that deep" lol you made a judgment about an entire generation of people because your family member wasn't hungry..lol fuck off
I bet you are high as a kite right now from all the users here agreeing with you, even if they haven't a fucking clue what they are talking about.
Seriously, though, how fat are you? I'm guessing fat enough that you can't hide that stomach roll when you sit down.

High as a kite? Huh? Relax weirdo, it’s just Reddit

You still haven't told us how fat you are.

Damn this guy hates fat people !

I used to be one.

[Continued:]

So now you just hate fat people for fun?

People with no self control, ESPECIALLY when that self control would benefit their health, are people who are functionally useless as human beings. They are the pieces of shit who would hoard food while everyone else is starving.
It ain't for fun.
Do you comment on Reddit to be an annoying middle child?

Ahhh yes. The fat people are useless excuse. Okay bud have fun out there!

It seems you have to self control over your feelings little guy. Go out there and practice some self control!
Bitter, party of one.

[…]

Get a life, chill

Get a life, chill

Ah yes, the mating call of people who "have lives"...ohhhhhh the irony.

😂sounds like you’re projecting. What’s it like still living in your boomer mom’s basement?

lol "projecting", I see you have your masters in Reddit psychology.

What’s it like still living in your boomer mom’s basement?

Oooooof, sounds like someone is...................................................................................projecting.

You do realize calling someone fat is the easiest most insecure insult to throw out there. Classic textbook. Hypocrite

I used to be fat as fuck, 270lbs at 5'10. I'll judge you fatties all I damn well please.
You keep avoiding answering the question. You're a landwhale, aren't you?

Ahha! There it is. It’s because you hate yourself. Hope you’re in therapy

[Continued:]

The more you avoid this the more we know what kind of person we are dealing with.
You talk shit about people who have self control to excuse how fat and disgusting you are.

[…]

Dude why admit that, all you are showing is that you had become really fat, and rather than learn a healthy relationship with food even at that extreme point, you just chose to hate food in general. You took the easy way out because nobody ever taught you portion control. Your loss I guess.

I admit it because I was raised in a home where I couldn't get up until my plate was clean and my mother made sure there were never leftovers that way. I admit it because it is the truth and I don't lie or omit details to make myself sound better. I admit it to show I can relate to being a fatfuck. I admit it because being fat is a choice.
”why would you say something true about yourself!?" - if that isn't Reddit-in-a-nutshell I don't know what is.

I'm just saying it makes you look like you just hated yourself and were pushing that onto another person that may or may not have a healthier relationship with food than you, that's all.

[…]

They didn't answer did they?

After several attempts they've avoided even talking about their fat stores and are now trying the victim angle.

No doubt. Fatty McFat Fat can't comprehend people not being addicted to constant feedings.
Reddit in a nutshell.

Bro's talking to himself on an alt ​

Then, there’s this:

OP is a fat fuck

As a former fatass this was my immediate thought

I knew as soon as he said road trip to Florida

For wanting lunch and dinner? You’re sick
They’re someone whos whole identity is shoving food in their mouth. Look at their username

Eat shit.

One user thinks they’re speaking uncomfortable truths:

If StandardSafe isn’t willing to say it again, I will: grow up and get over it. 99% of the people who say they “aren’t heavy” actually are, your dad was probably just being a concerned parent. “unhealthy relationship with food”, LMAO. A first-world problem for sure

No, he was just a bully and abusive. But thanks for playing.
That’s a really weird thing to say to a stranger, dude
You ok bro? Did that make you feel good about yourself? To insult a stranger because you personally didn’t have to deal with abuse? Or let me guess, you did, but it made you a “strong man” who knows what’s best for everyone.
You don’t know me. You have no idea what my childhood and young adulthood was like and maybe it sounds like a “first world problem” (which by the way, is so fucking dismissive and gross to say to people when they an issue) to you, but for me it became an eating disorder that I still struggle with in my 40s.
I’m going to try to say this as politely as I can, please fuck off into the sun with your bullshit and go troll somewhere else. You’re an asshole who seems to get off on insulting people to get your pathetic dick hard. I hope you don’t have kids because I worry if you do how fucked up they are and if you’re married I feel terrible for your wife. But let’s be honest, you’re a sad, lonely, angry man who has nothing better to do.
Dumbass takes like this are part of the reason people develop eating disorders on both ends of the spectrum.
You're gonna tell me someone who is suffering from Anorexia/Bulimia just needs to "grow up and get over it"?
You need to grow up and take a biology class.

When did the commenter say she had anorexia/bulimia? Those are actual eating disorders…she just said she eats very little and blames her dad.
A biology class, really? Psychology sounds more like it. Or are you telling me you learned about eating disorders in a bio class? Where was that, at some sort of school that gives out certificates in self-actualization or holistic-healing?

Sorry -- from what school did you get a psychology degree that allows you to label Anoerixa/Bulimia as "actual" eating disorders but not what OP described?

The school of hard knocks 😂 he’s so superior to us that he can diagnose a stranger through the internet on Reddit based on a paragraph that seemed to make him bigly angry.
He’s just a sad man who needs to get off by insulting people. He can go live that life and we’ll be over on this said being human to each other.

Finally, the war in Gaza is brought up for some reason:

You know that on the other side of the apartheid wall Israel set up there are thousands of people who had access to the Dead Sea (and their homes), that was changed by the establishment of Israel. Millions of people around the world are coming to the decision to boycott any company that supports the Israeli Apartheid Occupation. Millions are urging their universities and employers to divest any money and programs with the genocidal force that is Israel. I urge you and your family to take a hard look at yourselves and learn what Israel really is made of. Then the logical decision will be to never visit or spend a dime in Israel until their genocide and apartheid ends. Ty

Take a walk off a short pier.

This response is unhinged.
“Learn about an ongoing genocide, with bombs falling through the air as we speak, that you knowingly or unknowingly support, that we can do something about”
“Your response”
Please just look someone in the eyes today and remember what it means to be a human. Each of us is a library of life, and we’re constantly diminishing the value of each other as “enemies”.
I’d rather that than share air with someone who supports the ongoing genocide. Not for me, not for you, but for the kids and our collective humanity: please learn something new today.

You’re supporting the death of my family in Israel. Seriously, you’re a PoS

Before Israel was, there was Palestine. Palestine was for all. Muslims, Christians, and Jewish families all lived together. We all visited Jerusalem.
When Israel decided that only Jewish people would now be allowed in to these random borders drawn over Palestine, well, that should come off as racist. Now the Christian and Muslim Palestinians had their villages raided and their women raped by a well funded militia, before it became the IDF. This terrorised the Palestinians that lived in their homes, so they ran.
Then these homes were empty.
The land without people for the People without a land. Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. The people that were born there were displaced by a terrorist militia, and now it was a land magically without a people.
And your family came in, and settled in “Israel”. A family out there has the keys to the very home your family lives in in Israel, although you’ve probably changed the locks by now.
But for generations this land fed them and protected them from the elements. All of a sudden it’s yours?
And the people Israel oppresses, the thousands of Palestinians that are in prison with no trial. Children and women Palestinians have been taken captive for over 70 years!! Where’s the outrage?
Are we not human?
When we say free Palestine from the river to the sea. It’s for everybody. Come by and buy my home. But please don’t show up with an armed force ready to exterminate me for refusing you the home my forefathers have called their own.
TLDR Israel is the fire nation in avatar the last airbender.
The best way I can put it is.. if a bunch of armed chickens showed up and kicked you and your family out of their homes, one day you might want to fight those armed chickens back instead of being homeless. Israel are the armed chickens

The Flairs:

• “We boomers don’t hungry as often as you gamers”
  
• “ok nerdguy 👍🏼”
  
• “Radagast was brown, nerd.”
  

Yup, spent years on online dating apps getting nowhere. Then I fell for the whole mindless TikTok scrolling. Sounds crazy but as a result, over the last two years I've had more engagement, more dates, and more intimacy with women via tiktok than I ever managed with all online dating apps combined. The best bit is, it just happened naturally, I didn't actually intend to do it.
This is how it happened. I simply commented on peoples videos, and they replied, which lead to me replying, leading to more replies. Then I'd comment again when they posted a new video. They'd remember my username and reply. Some messaged me first, then we ended up over on WhatsApp, adding on Facebook, and eventually a meet up.
Here is the best bit. It's more natural. It doesnt have the pre-tense of chatting because we're looking to see if we're compatible to hook up. Just a case of, they posted a short video about a subject matter, I engaged, they found my engagement interesting and it lead from there.
Thought it was worth a mention! Don't restrict yourself to just dating apps to meet people.

TL:DR - I like meeting people and I'm decently interesting I think at least, come say hey? :)
Pretty much title, I'd love to speak to people from all over, if it clicks and becomes long term that would be pretty ideal, I'm genuinely not fussed about where you're from, I think the idea of speaking to people from all corners of the world is just interesting to me. As for the trip, I'm weirdly packed very early, usually I'm packing last minute and stressed, but I did most of it yesterday so today I'm just kind of relaxing? Its very unusual for me to be this prepared. I'd love to speak to people, both today and as I travel, then maybe the length of the trip and onwards? Food + trip pics will be shared if you desire ofc!
As for myself, I think I'm pretty lovely, but I'm fairly biased I'll admit. I work from home in a insurance sales jobs, its fine mostly but I'm semi looking for something else. I've travelled a lot in the last few years to a number of places, Singapore, Palawan and Manila in PH, Jamaica and Canada, then a number of European countries and planning more for 2024 + 2025 hopefully! I was in Bosnia for a few days in March, have a trip to Hamburg + Salzburg later this month and hoping to do Italy + Turkey trips later this year.
I tried my hand at languages (I sucked at Turkish, was decent at German then promptly forgot it, as when I was there I didn't need it), picked up painting and playing the piano and I'm as useless at painting as I ever was, but its fun. I work out, but its mostly to try and lose weight while still having a major sweet tooth and really enjoying a meal out, so losing weight progress is relatively slow going. Beyond that I'm the typical tv/videogames/sports fan honestly.
I'm pretty easy going though if its not working I always like a bit of closure, the disappearing act bothers me, a simple heads up is appreciated but besides that I'm quite laissez-faire. I do prefer speaking to women but it's not a hard rule, I just find guys often get a bit intense online. In terms of intentions it doesn't matter to me, friends is perfectly lovely, if we click and it's benefits or flirting too, equally lovely but its not the goal. I do prefer putting a face to people and vice versa as well, if its a dealbreaker I totally get it so thought I'd add that in here too
If you want to go straight to snap add your username as well as Include your basic details in your message, the usual about me stuff is fine, don't feel the need to match the rambling essay above! :)

Hey all, I've had some of my darkest hours and days right after it happened to me a week ago in the evening. Which means I'm counting down the hours towards my first week of having nothing happen.
Short summary of my situation:
Tinder>IG>WA, after a >1-minute video call with a real women with a Philippine number, I soon got threats from a second Philippine number. I never opened or read it but straight up blocked and reported it. I went to work blocking the woman on any channel that was used and locked up my profiles to max privacy, changed my pfp and changed usernames.
I never paid and I never interacted with the scammer in any way. I've read a lot about what difference it makes when they're Filipino and I think they're more likely to step down quicker due to their crimes being very punishing by police with an active effort by them to tackle it.
Can I finally start the process of letting go after a week or should I still be anxious and worried?

Atlittle background: Me and Jack (fake name im giving him) had been dating for 2 and half years. Last August, I found out that Jack told a another girl (18) imma call her mckayla, "I love you". And begged me to be in a poly relationship and I told him no as he begged. As this wasnt physical I forgave him mainly since I thought it was a misunderstanding to our communication. Now that I look back at it, I shouldve left right there and then.
Now to current day, last week I was searching his usual username online. I felt like something was up and off and some reason I felt like that would tell me something. When I searched it up I scrolled down to see a picture of Jack and this other girl nude, sending to another person. It was shocked and pressed the link for more context and found out that he sent it to Mckayla to make her jealous. I notice the name and contact her about it on Twitter and hadn't gotten a response until after I confronted him. I tried to confront him all day but all he could do is leave me on read. So after school I went to his work and amaze he wasnt there. He finally got back to me 8 hours later of me finding out and told me it wasnt his fault because he fell in love with another women. That he no longer loved me in that way and wished me the best. With no actaul closure or anything, he never even took responsibility and said it wasnt cheating and how he gonna spend the rest of his life with a "girl who as crazy as him".... Hearing that was heart breaking.
Aftermath: Mckayla finally contacted me back a day later, telling me about her experience with Jack and how she had been wanting to contact me for awhile but couldn't find out how. She then explained the photo of Jack and the girl, Chloe (fan name), who was 20. They had a only fans together and were planning to get married in 4 months. I was originally going to move in with him in 4 months, actually, but because of this, plans changed. She told me how he sent her two images in the photo: the naked one and the second one of his back being scratched up from having yk what. She told me how it shocked her and how he told him it was disrespectful to his girl. He then told her that it wasn't, and they were laughing about it in the car. I was shocked as she provided screenshots. Then she told me her experience with her, including why they broke up, other red flags he showed, and the real reason he got kicked out by his parents. I realize some of these experiences felt familiar, and I realized I went through some of the same things as her. Such as him harming himself while we beg him not to and laugh about us crying about it. Another situation was him saying he was going to drug me without my knowledge and trying to pressure us both with drugs and sexual acts. Another example is when his parents kicked him out for getting another girl pregnant, which he told me was SA, and I learned that it wasn't. It was consensual. Then I find out that he has a rape kink.... There's so much more that I found out after that as well, and it just gets so messy. How do I get over this? I feel like I lost my trust in people and never really got the closure I really needed and havent been processing it well. I feel like I still love the person who he use to be from the beginning and I hate that feeling because how he is now. Any advice?

I wanna start with saying that idc if someone is part of the lgbtq community .. to eaches own, i’m a female & bi myself & my bf knows this. i’ve never been with another girl though & tbh i don’t know if i ever would date a girl if i was single just bc i’ve never gotten the chance to experience it since i’ve been in heterosexual relationships back to back my whole life.
i do however have a problem if the man that i’m with is .. or atleast it’s something i would like to know. tbh it just makes me feel weird & i don’t think i could be in a relationship with someone who likes men even though they like girls too.
we’ve been together for almost 10 years. i’ve never had even the slightest suspicion that he could be gay or bi. whenever the topic of homosexuality gets brought up randomly, he acts put off by the idea of it. for example in one of our shows the main character just came out as bi. it was a shock to even me & i was like wtf & we both didn’t expect it. but all he said was “ idk why the writers would do that i kinda don’t like his character now”. also someone he went to school with turned trans years later & he made a comment saying how that was so weird & unexpected of them to do that. but he never says outright hateful comments.
i only bring that up because i’ve read posts that say men who are completely straight don’t feel uncomfortable when homosexuality is brought up. i wouldn’t say he feels uncomfortable & goes out of his way to make homophobic comments but he does feel weird about it & has said that he thinks it’s wrong bc of how he was raised ( that a man should be with a woman bc that’s how god made us ) he also isn’t overly religious though but i guess that’s what his parents told him & his siblings growing up.
i also have never found gay porn on his phone during these past 10 years , ever. only regular porn of men & women having sex or solo women videos. he looks at a bunch of girl models on insta but doesn’t follow or DM them so it doesn’t bother me.
last night i went through his insta & in the search bar where you look people up i saw a username that left me having so many questions . the account name was “gaybottom” or something like that. he had to have searched it up & not clicked on a random persons page since it was on his search bar. it was a bunch of photos of a gay bottom man showing off his body & the captions were all sexual . he didn’t like any of this persons pics , dm, or follow them.
i’m just so confused as to why he was looking that up. i know sometimes i look things up out of curiosity so i’m hoping it’s that & has nothing to do with him liking men. i haven’t brought it up to him & im not going to unless i find something else. he barley ever clears his search history which is how i know he watches regular porn & i feel like by now within these past 10 yrs i would’ve found gay porn if that was something he was actively looking at.
i know he loves me & is definitely attracted to women. do i have anything to be worried or suspicious about?

sorry the title is so weird (and wordy! 😅), i have a question but i have no idea how to actually phrase it, so unfortunately that might be as good as it gets.
first of all, all bodies are nonbinary bodies, i knew that and truly believe that. 💛 second of all, i was assigned female at birth, but that’s a one-time thing that happened to me and truly doesn’t mean anything. my body is nonbinary because it’s mine; however, it would be irresponsible of me to not mention how the shape and size of my body, while i personally am comfortable with it and not interested in changing it, impacts my everyday life and how people view me. i absolutely support and affirm medical transition, it’s just not for me. i absolutely support and affirm people that want to change their body shape through weight-lifting or something, but that’s not for me. i understand if people read this or have seen pictures of me and just can’t help but suggest total body recomposition, or dieting, or anything like that; I can’t control you or your reactions to my body, i can only politely ask that you refrain from suggesting ways to change my body. but no worries if not!
so anyway. i guess i feel like an outsider in the nonbinary community, and maybe the queer community in general. i’m bi/pan/unlabeled to an extent, and nonbinary/genderfluid, but am read nearly entirely as a cishet woman by almost everyone around me. if people do (rarely) guess that i’m queer, they guess i’m a cis woman lesbian - and these aren’t necessarily people that understand that lesbians can be of different genders, so that kinda feels weird.
i do need to take accountability and responsibility, and understand that i’m not doing myself any favors. i live in a small, semi-rural (i guess?) community that skews conservative, but that doesn’t even really matter because i work all over the state, and i’m rarely, if ever, not at work. i work in a woman-dominated sect of the healthcare field, which requires me to wear “women’s”-cut scrubs as our uniform. i have, and like having, long hair, though i do have shaved sides. i like makeup, though i don’t wear it every day; though i feel like i do a more gothy kinda thing than everyday femme glam, it obviously doesn’t read that way. i’ve fucked up my ribs and spine by binding incorrectly 🥴, so some days i can’t even wear a bra. (i am not pursuing top surgery due to not wanting to pursue top surgery, it’s just nice to experience the fluidity of being able to bind sometimes. it’s just now that the sometimes are a little more rare. 🥲) the name i use, which i dislike, is a derivative of my deadname; my deadname is actually kinda rare, but i chose the wrong name and people can easily figure out what my deadname was, and use it willingly, which does suck hard. and, most glaringly, i have a huge ass, and huge legs, and huge hips. there’s no clothes that hide the curvaceous nature of my body - and, on more masc days in my free time, i dress like it’s still the 90s, baggy off-brand JNCO jeans and all, so believe me, it’s not like i haven’t tried! 😂
but like… so this is it though, huh? i’m in my (MID-TO!!!😅)-late 20s, and it’s not like I have anything to look forward to, presentation-wise or body-wise or coming-out-wise or community-wise because this is as far as i’m going, and as such, this is as far as i can go. i recovered from an eating disorder, so my entire transition has been transitioning from a lower mid-sized girl to a chubby girl with a nose ring. like, that’s the entire change to my appearance that i’ve had (well actually 🤨👆🏻 it’s three nose rings, but who’s counting?). and it’s not that i WANT to change my appearance (i mean, i love body mods and definitely want more of those! 🩷), but i feel like i’m expecting the world around me to bend to my will but not putting any effort in. i want to be treated as entirely genderless; i vibe with genderlessness, part of my genderfluid identity includes being agender. i’m very VERY not visibly genderless, though, and it’s probably genuinely insane of me to even get SAD (as i do 😢) when people look at me and treat me as such.
so this is it. i’ll just post affirming things for other trans people on Reddit, and live out my days as a cishet woman IRL, because coming out just hasn’t worked for me. despite, like, my literal username 😂, i can’t embody jackshit. i’ll post some nudes on the lewd subreddits, get a couple upvotes, but not change hearts and minds even within our OWN community about what people like us can look like. 🍐 I’ve met other nonbinary people IRL, and they don’t believe me, i’ve ruined friendships and even my career over this. i’ve developed a criminal record over this, unfortunately. (i didn’t hurt anybody!! i just mishandled workplace conflict about my gender and body type and the apparent differences between the two so poorly that it resulted in an angry coworker severely sabotaging the workplace and pinning it on me in an attempt to get me fired. 🫤) i’ve been sexually-assaulted and harassed in queer spaces for trying to exist outside of the stereotypes people place on my body, i was SA’d in a queer bar back in college for wearing short-shorts and a crop top with big thighs, big hips, a not-flat belly, and a binder creating the illusion of a flat chest.
i don’t mean this bad or anything, please don’t worry about me, but i just don’t see much of a point of living if i can’t do it authentically. like, i’m still GONNA keep living, but i’ve made a mess of it up until this point and, for the foreseeable future, i’m gonna continue to make a mess of it as well. there should be no wrong way to live openly as nonbinary or to exist in a body, but it seems like i come up with a new way to do it every single day. i want so badly to help people from the inside, but it looks like i’ll just be sorta on the outskirts. my body is not perceived as nonbinary, and that’s a really hard hurdle to overcome as someone who wants to engage in advocacy to make sure EVERY body type gets to be a nonbinary body type. i feel genuinely uncomfortable with the things that make me comfortable; im comfortable with my body shape and size, in that i don’t want to change them, but i’m also uncomfortable with the fact that they matter to people AT ALL.
i just want to EXIST, and it’s starting to feel like that will never be possible, because it’s literally the most baseline thing to possibly do, so if i can’t figure it out, that’s really really bad. i don’t want to be read as a woman. i don’t want people to use she/her pronouns for me. i don’t want people to laugh that off when i say that (which they do). i dont have anything against women, i definitely share some aspects of my life with women, and a woman can be anything, but so can a nonbinary person. i’m not limited by womanhood in that i think womanhood is limiting, im limited by womanhood in that i’m not experiencing womanhood in any of its infinite forms, but people are insisting that i do. why can’t i live openly? why can’t i live fluidly? will i spend the rest of my life having to fight my own body just to be able to BE ALIVE? that’s fucked up, lmao. 🤪
i hope this made sense??? idk if it did, im really sorry. basically: how do i live? how do i live in a body? how do i live in THIS body? how can i help others? how can i help the nonbinary community, as someone who no-one will listen to because i can’t live authentically? how can i live authentically?
thanks in advance, friends!!! 💛💜

So I have have never played any game online before! But midnight difficulty in Rise of the Ronin is no joke. After learning that you level up insanely fast with co-op I decided to try because I was struggling at the level I entered midnight with. I was nervous about going online but RotR has co-op in the same way the FromSouls games do (as seen from watching someone else play) - you enter a lobby of your choosing (you pick the difficulty and the mission from a list of ppl who want help) and it's 3 people. I was so chuffed the first time I dropped into a lobby and the other two players were female. At least...judging by their usernames and their appearance, they were. We had a freaking blast and kept playing together. The next time I dropped into a lobby it was 2 other women as well. After a while it was me and 2 men or me and a man and a woman. I don't think we were able to speak to each other? I don't have a mike so I wouldn't know, and I was listening to music while playing with the sound turned down. The instant a mission is over everyone disappears, so you can't run around with anyone and do side missions. Strictly main missions.
So if anyone is having trouble leveling up I highly recommend trying Cooperate from the longhouse or the mission menu, it seems very "safe" as far as safe from harassment goes. The male-presenting players were just as fun and helpful as the female ones were. You can use a bow or high five type gesture to the other players when the mission starts or ends, like the FromSouls games. I think that's about the extent of communications!

First off, some background, I'm a 41 year old male. Veteran. No wife. No kids. Despite my username I am not sober. I went sober for 6 months and the only thing that happened was that my bank account got bigger and I got addicted to coffee. She didn't come back. I drink everyday out of habit just to try to get intrusive thoughts out of my head. I hate my life. It is beautiful but I hate it. I hate the way I treat women. I got drunk and texted my ex girlfriend and called her names. She said I'm childish and looking back, yea, I was childish. She was the best and worst thing to happen to me. I don't really know why I did what I did. Was I lashing out? I didn't have the best life growing up. My father then was an alcoholic as was my mother. They divorced when I was around 10. I'm close with my father but not my mother. I'm afraid Ive become my mother. She starts drinking EARLY in the day and you can't understand her by 3:00 in the afternoon. That's been me lately. I drink entirely too much and have been smoking nearly 2 packs of cigarettes a day. I don't feel good. I have friends and family but no one has the balls to tell me that I look like shit. Ive lost weight that I can't afford to lose. I'm tired of losing. Please don't tell me to go to the VA because they don't listen. They don't do shit. Internet people, Redditors....How do I get over this? How do I make up to my ex? How do I get back on track? How do you slow down your drinking? How do you respect and love women? I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. Why do I have so much hate? Has empathy left the building? I need a W guys.

CBSE buzzes with results reaction, Redditors share success stories in CATpreparation

• CBSE erupted with memes, revenge tales, scores and gift stories as results rolled out! OP's prediction comes true thankfully 🙏
• Celebrations were underway in CATpreparations. One OP shared their journey from zero converts to IIM Bangalore, while another OP was happy to taste success on their second attempt and make their parents proud.

Life in a Metro 2024 🏙️

• Get a sneak peek into Delhi's high society drama! OP spills juicy details on the glamorous yet complicated lives of affluent women. Redditors were quick to share their own experiences of the ultra-rich. 💰
• Jaw-dropping and chaotic shots of the season's first rain and dust storm captured in this post in Did anyone else get a Post-apocalyptic vibe? 🌧️☔️
• Relive the old-world charm of Kolkata with these captivating photos! Explore the city's raw beauty and share your own nostalgic snaps in your city subreddit! 📸
• Fitness enthusiasts of Chennai, OP is wondering how you manage to get your daily dose of jog during peak summer? Do you have any summertime fitness hacks? If yes, share in the comments! 🏃

What’s your superhero name? 🦸

Check this hilarious thread in IndiaSocial where Redditors shared their 'superhero name' with a fun twist. You might just get your next Reddit username 🙌

Annoying or interesting? ❓

Redditors weighed in on the "I wore a Saree , now see the reaction" trend in . Most feel nobody cares about it. Do you agree with it?

Bollywood's Latest Crushes and Wading Toxic Trolls

• Looks like is crushing hard on Pratibha Ranta and Taaha Shah! Pratibha wowed Redditors with her role as Jaya in 'Laapataa Ladies,' and Taaha's performance as Nawab Tajdar Baloch has Redditors buzzing! 💕
• Babil Khan faced online trolls once again and was accused of being "fake." Redditors rallied behind him, joking his "biggest crime" might just be being nice! This was his befitting reply 👀

This week in IPL: Run-out drama, attempt of theft, and RCB’s 🏏

• See what happened when a fan tried to steal the match ball in Kolkata. Redditors saw the funny side of it 😂
• Was Jadeja's out 'obstruction the field' to Sanju's throw justified? Most Redditors say yes! What's your take? 🤔
• Will RCB secure a spot in the playoffs? Well, the fans have kept their hopes alive!

Top 5 posts in India this week:

• Man’s Best Friend
• Check out these breathtaking photos taken during OP’s trek from Bakloh to Dainkund
• Nostalgia
• Aaj Maine Jaana who is behind the voice of Kalia from Chota Bheem
• Happy Mother’s Day!

Hot subreddits this week 🔥

• Bollywood - From chart-topping hits to iconic dialogues to indie movies, discuss it all in Bollywood.
• AirTravelIndia - Your ultimate destination for navigating Indian skies, sharing flight tips, miles, and deals, reviewing airports, and capturing the beauty of air travel
• Kolkata - Reddit’s adda for City of Joy!
• desitravellers - Pack your bags and join the community to share your passion for travel
• IndianHipHopHeads - Droppin' beats and breaking stereotypes since 2018

Subreddits looking for mods

• SachinTendulkar
• Thalasons
• IndianPets

Comment below if you want to become a mod or if you want to start a new subreddit!

Sooo my boyfriend of almost 8 year (40M) has a secret Twitter I just found out about and refuses to give me (37 F) his username. The last time he had a Twitter he was complimenting on half naked women’s pics very inappropriately. so when I called him out about it he deactivated it immediately before I could finish looking at his comments.
Now he has a new one and won’t tell me his username. Idk what to do about this situation. Is he being suspect? Am I being overly dramatic? Should I go through his phone and find out if he’s being slimy again?? Should I let it go? Should I do what he’s doing and start complimenting half naked dudes? 🥺🥺
Help!