Blonde hostess money talks

TL;DR! I feel drained, sad, and unmotivated and I feel like my girlfriend is being insensitive when I told her why I feel this way, what do I do?
I just need advice and opinions from a 3rd person view.
Fyi, she has been unemployed for nearly half a year until yesterday..
So these past couple days I have been feeling drained, sad, unmotivated. Haven't been eating much, not sleeping well, showing up to work late. Maybe I'm dealing with a depression episode? Maybe I'm just overthinking and doing this to myself?
I texted my girlfriend and said we need to talk. I asked if I could tell her what's on my mind without you getting upset. She said yes, and this is what I said.
"I don't know what's going on, like if I'm just being dramatic or something is off with me but I feel like i'm not getting enough love. I feel like im always selfless and don't get the attention I need. I hardly put myself first, I usually think about everyone before me and not getting reciprocation is exhausting. I also feel like there's a lack of romance and excitement. I don't know what I can do."
She then called a few minutes later, asked if there was anything she can do. I said "I don't know, maybe read what I said and see if any of that is contradicting to what you do. Maybe come love on me? That's what I'd do."
She went off to say how she gives me hugs, kisses, scratches my back, says "I love you". I said theres more to love than just that. You do do those things but im talking about right now, not the past.
Her excuse for the no romance or excitement was she has no money. I said you don't need money to have romance or excitement. You could literally take me to a park, throw out a blanket, sit at a picnic table, eat lunch, or watch a movie/videos on our phone, or go late and just lay there and look at the stars. Her response was "Okay well I'll start taking you to the park"
I told her I feel like you're always selfish. She asked in what way. I asked her what do you do for me? When do you ask what I want to do? What I want to eat? If I want or need anything? When have you done something thoughtful for me?
She starts naming things, well last weekend I think I asked you what you wanted to do. Well that one time I made enchiladas, I asked if you wanted that or something else. Then went off about how when she asks me to go fishing, she doesn't want to, she's doing it for me. She said the other day she would've rather stayed home and relaxed in the swimming pool, but came to see me because I wanted to hangout with her.
Now here's how im thinking.. I always put her first. I always ask her what she wants, what she needs. I take care of her however she needs. I pay for all our meals. I randomly zelle her. I fill up her gas tank. I steal her car to go wash and vacuum it as a surprise. I've missed work just to be with her. I went through the hassle of calling ATT to get her phone unlocked so I can put her on my phone plan and pay her phone bill. I replaced her headlight and turn signal bulbs. Ive literally given the last few dollars i had so she could a take a 6hr trip to throw her sister a baby shower and pay for all of it, including her gas and dinner for her family. There's so much I just do, without being asked.
It turned into an argument with her getting all defensive and I feel like she was trying to make my feelings invalid instead of understanding how I feel and why. She went on to say my thought process is childish and she's tired of arguing with me. We said bye and hung up.
I just don't get it. Am I being childish? I genuinely am feeling down and just expressed that. Is she being insensitive?
What should I do?

So very, very soon, my grandmother will be turning 90. I am excited, not many people live until 90, even less without one of the many complications she has. I'm happy for her but I am still so scared.
She's been dealing with delirium since January 7th. However, when she came home around April 23rd, her cognition has improved an astonishing amount. I still can't understand why. My best guess, is simply just the delirium taking a long time to leave the body. The cause of her obtaining it, I still don't know. I wanted to post about it, but the first time it didn't get a lot of attention and I've been trying to find the words for it but still haven't.
She went to the hospital because she fell and has an L1 and L2 mild compression fracture. Thankfully it wasn't too serious, the doctors have confidence she'll recover well, her physical therapist says she's very strong, she doesn't even have to wear the brace that much either. I still get so anxious when she sits down a bit hard and when she tries to bend forward to pick up something though. And she has been getting stronger.
The reason why I'm scared is because I'm scared of the future. Now, her cognition is basically a day and night difference, but she still has hiccups. Most of it can be chalked up to her lack of education when she was a kid, and also the fact that old Hispanic women are INCREDIBLY superstitious. But she still has hiccups. Sometimes she still forgets my brother's name but most times she can guess it right. To be fair, he pretty much never spends times with her.
She still believes someone stole some money from her, which she believed during her delirium. She still gets sad about it and apparently other things were stolen too, but she doesn't react as badly as she did during the delirium. She would literally be so stressed out until she's red in the face and almost passing out. Screaming, crying, literally passing out, then talking when she's passed out and crying too. It was horrific.
Her cognition is still amazing though, her doctor and neurologist were so surprised by that. We told her today "you know your birthday is coming soon right?" And she looks at us with a big grin, and says "did you guys think I didn't know?" And starts laughing. She can recite bible passages very well by memory, though not 100%, still INSANELY impressive.
She is so much more clear, thinks so much more rationally, even when she's crazy tired or just woke up, she is still clear.
I'm scared of the future. I'm scared that she will get delirium again. And delirium can hurt the brain, and even if she doesn't have dementia, it could possibly increase the chances of it more. I'm scared of "jinxing" it. Like I tell someone "yeah her memory is so good" and then right after, she all of a sudden develops the delirium again.
I still remember the morning she woke up with that delirium. It gives me a sinking feeling in my chest when I think of it. Basically almost 5 months of hell. It was so horrible. I'm scared to go through that again. It's to the point, where if she says something that doesn't make sense, my heart starts pounding and I think "oh God no, the delirium's back."
Now, she tells me things that catch me off guard with how clear she is. She told me "we have dominoes to play with in that dresser next to my bed." And she's right. Haven't seen those dominoes in a year and I completely forgot about them.
She remembers the horrible rehab she was in, remembers my best friend and his family, remembers the woman she was friends with at the rehab, etc. During her delirium, she didn't say a single word about the rehab, but now she talks to us about it. Her cognition is frankly amazing. Even with the minor hiccups she has, it's still amazing.
I'm obsessed now with researching everything I can possibly do to make sure her mind doesn't slip again. Cleaning her very well whenever she uses the bathroom so she won't develop another UTI, giving her the most nutritious meals for her mind and body, encouraging her to read more, trying to exercise more, etc.
I know I should be happy now, I am. But I'm still so scared. When her memory started coming back, I thought "I used to pray for times like this" and now I'm praying that her mind doesn't slip again. That she will recover and get stronger than ever because I still have hope. Even after all this, I still do.
We plan to ween her off her Xanax since those are benzos and even then, they don't affect her that much. I'm still very iffy on the dementia "diagnosis" since that diagnosis was made back in June, when she was in that horrific rehab and the nurses there would just tell people, including paramedics she has dementia. Keep in mind, no scan or anything. And when you leave an 89 year old woman in a crap filled diaper, a UTI and a horrific bedsore, yeah, she's not gonna be the most clearest person.
I pray that all these complications will become less serious and her body and mind will recover, and stay recovered. I'm committed to making her as mentally and physically strong as I can. Her other physical therapist literally helped this lady who was over 100 years old, walk and even do a light jog, after years of her being so frail. I pray I'm able to do that for her.
Any advice for any of this? Thanks.

Looking for a little help here. We're in Texas if that makes a difference. About 3 years ago my son was riding his bike in our neighborhood, and has he came out of an alley he was hit by an elderly driver. Nothing too serious but he did have a swollen knee that required a little bit of physical therapy. After a little bit of back and forth the insurance company agreed to a $30,000 payout. My wife and I also requested reimbursement for medical expenses which amounted to about $2,500. In doing so we were asked to provide receipts for reimbursement. Because of my son's age a third-party Council, sorry I forget the actual title of the person, was appointed to make sure that a fair amount was accepted. He was very clear that he was not to advocate for either party. So again we were under the impression we were getting a $30,000 settlement plus $2,500 in medical reimbursement. Over the course of about 2 years or was it back and forth with different attorneys and representatives for the insurance company and we had to explain ourselves at least 3 or 4 times to different parties that we were seeking at $30,000 settlement plus the reimbursement. Each time we were asked to submit receipts. Flash forward to today and we are being told by an attorney that we have to accept the $30,000 settlement and that any reimbursement will come out of that money. We insisted that we were told differently but the attorney has continued to overtalk us talk down to us and indicate that there's no budging on their part. After our conversation today he told us we have until Tuesday to make a decision and he wanted to know our address so he can send us a check. My wife and I have hesitated getting attorney because we didn't want to chew into what was going to be set aside for our son. Now we're wondering if it's too late to get legal advice and what the repercussions would be if we don't make a decision by tuesday. We're not idiots, but we're totally out of our element. Any advice or direction would certainly be appreciated.

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"Sean, let me start with you. It is not that I don't like ya, on the contrary. But I had to start with one of yall...
You were always too much talkative, I told ya many times. Ya talked more than being aware to your surroudin'. And in the end, it got the best of ya, though ya died facin' family. \sigh** I'm sick, Irish boah. Caught some bad stuff doin' some bad stuff. Before we came for ya... Ah ah, what a party. I saw ya drunked like I never saw anybody drunk ever before.
I could use yar sharp tounge today, brightenin' up ma day. Ain't easy ya know, seein' all ma world crumble aroun' me. But ya're not here to listen me talking shit. Here, have some of the finest booth from that country of yours.
\open the bottle and take a few sips, and cough a few times, and empties the bottle on the grave**
Take the rest for ya, Irish boah. I'll catch ya later..."
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"Kieran, pal. Our start ain't a piece o' cake, ain't it ? We had rough beginning. Ya... Did'n had to save me, back then. I still tryin' to figure why ya did it. But it was great havin' ya aroun'. I know we could have ride to Hell an' back together.
Ya know... \cough** It's weird for me to complain' seein' I'm alive and ya don't, I ain't have for much longer though. 't was great havin' ya aroun'. Listen to me, repeating myself like an old crazy man.
\throw a bullet on Kieran grave**
For ya, whatever ya are. Use it if ya need it, I wish I coulda done better to protect your life."
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"Oooooh Lenny boah... Leonard... You had to be reckless, ain't ya ? Shoulda been me, ya shoulda not look for me... \sad laugh** in the end what had the best of ya was what ya always did, lookin' up to me. I witness that ya tried to take me as a role model. Always told ya tha I wasn't one. Ya shoulda left, much, much sooner.
I know you'd have made a fine voice worker. Ya always had somethin' for poetry, for the use of word. I ain't good with word, pardon me. It was that thing I always look up to ya. Like ma silly little brother.
\rises the head, watching the stars**
Ya do remember of that night, yeah ? We had such a good time, and I'd wanted to do it again. Yar first time drinkin' like a man. We got our ass kicked by that Sheriff... Malloy ? Ah ah... I think I threw up on ma boots that day. I wish it coulda never end...
\opens up a bottle of relatively low quality alcohol, alternating sipping and pourring some on the grave**
Here, let us drink together one last time, like old times. I know ya liked it down bellow. Full o' hope, o' dreams. But at least ya're with friend and familly, I bet ya got a lot to say to each other...
I miss ya. Love ya, Leonard boah. See ya soon.
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"And ya, Hosea. My friend. My brotha. My family. It is ya, the one I shoulda call Dad.
It ain't the same since ya left us, Hosea. We managed to hide in that aweful Island close to the Carribean. I thought Dutch had us in mind. Got taken in some blood feud. It ain't easy. I get sick, Hosea, but I sure know ya knew. You had the clarity of mind and the wisdom that held us together as a family. Ya were the reason that Dutch never truly had. All that over a few bucks so the boahs and the girls could eat.
Could use some of that reason now, ya know ? I'm lost, Hosea. I started to doubt our path since we came back from that tropical hell. Dutch is becomin' reckless. He killed old Leviticus Cornwall. He promised me he wasn't goin' to. And he listen to that Micah snake too much for his own good, let alone ours. I t'ink he misses ya, Hosea. In his own, twisted, fool ways, I t'ink he misses ya.
He has a Plan. A train. We blew up a bridge with John. He confesses me he loved Abigail. That foold, t'inkin' we can't see... He also confesses me that he was thinkin' the same way, about Dutch.. As Mrs Adler. And Charles. Dutch tried to use some natives, we robbed the army, Hosea. Uncle Sam. So Charles left with what remained o' that tribe. The Chief, Falling-Rain, lost his son. I know Charles will lead 'em to a safer, better place.
Tomorrow, we go raid that Army train. It got money in, to repair that bridge we blew up. And then, maybe Dutch will see it a bit clearer. He speak of Thaiti, a lot.
\cough, a lot. Blood droplets scatter over the hand**
Aaaaarh... \muffled voice** I don't have much time left. I'm tryin' to help them all the best I can. Abigail, Jack, John. I want to giv'em a better life, Hosea. I'd die for 'em, if I had to.
Take care of young Lenny there. And please, don't wait too long for me. I have to gamble one last act of love before I can rest.
Thank you, for everythin', Hosea. Rest well."
So, in case it was not clear, I reached "the end game". My next mission is "Our Best Selves" and I did absolutely all secondary quests I could on chapter 6. It's 1h31 AM for me atm. I work tomorrow but I have to finish that game first.
I know i'm not ready for it. I did not really liked the whole game, some mechanics are goofy and story is not something I can... act upon. I'm just sharing that ride with Arthur Morgan. And now, we ride together, for the last time.
Wish me luck, boahs... Wish me luck.

says it all pretty much. a new girl moved in four days ago and they just clicked. they get along. i have lived with her a year and i’ve bought her multiple cabs, items from the shops just out of goodness really when she’s really needed it (taxis to the station where she needed to reunite with her long lost father and also to the hosptial when she was throwing up in pain. she’s never paid me back. idc about the money) i stand in the kitchen and listen to her vent. i even wrote a witness statement against her abusers who are trying to take her to court.. today i heard chuckling coming from her room and they’re downstairs hanging out without me. i wasn’t invited. it’s like i’m meant to be alone. i truly feel so lost and alone. i cried myself into self harm. i’m spiralling. i’ve known her almost a year and not once has she asked me how i’m doing. i did go and join them but i’m socially inept and awkward and had nothing to add to the convo they were laughing about singers they like and music and stuff. i said i need to check on my cat.. she can fuck off from now on. she’s requested the top shelve in the freezer “so she doesn’t have to bend down” but she doesn’t know i’ve got siatica and scoliosis so i said no and she got pissy with me about it and i finally stood up for myself sayinf im actually not able to do that for her.. i need to put myself first. i can’t stand this roommate now. (10 months of living together and she’s never ever even offered me a cup of tea. she’s declined hanging out and even handing her number over and gave me her snapchat instead). today she’s made tea for this new rommie and even given her, her number!!!!!!! don’t misread this and think oh she can’t have friends. i’m just jealous. i never get along with people. maybe i’m meant to be alone. just like my ex said before he dumped me. the way the new roommate was just laying on the longer roommates bed in her PJs made me want to be fucking sick. i’ve never felt comfortable around anyone or been invited to lay with them. i just needed to feel connected. i need to fucking die. an invite would have been nice. i just wanted a connection for fucking once i thought me and the long term roommate were actually close but seeing them together today made me realise heck no. i’m just useful to her, just small talk. she probably doesn’t even like me. i’m sick to my stomach of bein so isolated.

There was a wedding this weekend. But it was a couple in college and their idea of a wedding primarily centered around being newly 21 so lots of toasts and alcohol, also, religious, with homilies and hymns. Such an event is not a great place for someone with a debilitating, poorly controlled depressive mood disorder, characterized by terrible general and social anxiety.
When I first started dating my s/o, they had a story they would tell me on repeat about going to a family wedding some years ago and losing it, crying, big crying, during the ceremony, and their plus one at the time was embarrassed to have gone with them. The rest of the wedding involved getting drunk to bury emotions. The story would come up out of the blue like a trauma flashback. ...It probably WAS a trauma flashback. Having a mental health meltdown so publicly, in a nearly silent event hall, where everyone knew who they were was one of their great terrors, and they lived it.
Life post-ketamine has been very different. Still, my s/o was freaked out that there was a wedding to go to but felt obligated to say yes. The rehearsal dinner the day before involved everyone being instructed to give a toast, and there were a LOT of guests.
Instead of being overwhelmed and getting hammered, then more emotionally unstable due to alcohol, then freaking out at giving toast, my s/o took some air and decided it was better to leave the rehearsal dinner early, skip the bar, and call it good. They made it through the dinner and introductions and a hoard of college students with slumped shoulders and circles under their eyes fidgeting with their first ever suit or gown, not knowing how to walk around in nice clothing. It was an anxiety inducing event for sure, to be surrounded by self-esteem impaired kids who were all going for the booze but without the benefit of self control from experience at fine dining parties, with what looked like over 100 people, and everyone asking for public sharing of personal details, also a pro photographer yelling to smile! They held up well, discussed current work projects and some new construction, introduced me to people I had never met, and put out some effort to show pride in me and make me look good socially. I was pretty stunned.
But that night they panicked a little that they would fall apart again at the actual wedding, and everyone would think they were some kind of weak fool. The story went back on repeat after being gone for over a year.
For about an hour, they were trying to negotiate with me to support using drugs or alcohol to dull the experience, some lashing blame, general disarray of thinking and planning. But they assumed it would be the same as last time, they couldn't live through that embarassment again, falling apart in front of 100 people and being obligated not to leave. The
The next morning they had calmed down, apologized for being so strung out, and we strategized and bought a wine bottle shaped jug of grape juice for the table, so the glasses would be full of something wine-ish and no one would try to force alcohol into their empty glass, and demand they toast and drink, which would definitely put them into a downward spiral.
The wedding later that day was worse in terms of anxiety induction. The hymns, and religious speeches, and a nearly hour long preacher lecture to the couple was a prelude to the too loud background music and people all around yelling to be heard while everyone in fine clothing tried to eat the catered tacos and liquid cheese pour over nachos, with their hands, while avoiding necktties and lace.
And it was fine. No emotional upheaval, no panic due to the crowd, no horror at meeting people.
After four hours, they had congratulated the happy couple, dinner with relatives, family photos, signed the Bible, written note to the couple for the memory scrap book, caught up with relatives, and had real conversations for about two hours of the event. When it was clear there was no emerging timeline for cake cutting, they asked to take a quick walk outside where we could hear each other and we made an exit plan. They had enough bandwidth to compliment the mother of the bride and father of the bride and congratulate them, beg off early due to being a little overwhelmed and blamed their social anxiety diagnosis, and stopped to say goodbye to close relatives.
Since we missed the cake, we pulled in at the nearest gas station and they pounded down a nasty Hostess type pastry cake as a stress relief/token of achievement and we had a good laugh.
They felt depressed for a couple hours afterward, talking about how gross it felt to be surrounded by people who were parading polite personas and be expected to wear the same mask. That the religious content had been much more than they'd been expecting, e.g. required singing about how we are all God's weapons against devils (an interesting choice for a wedding.) Church was never a safe place for them, it was social group where you "can pray away mental illness," and remaining mentally ill was a sign of further personal failure. So feeling low and blue wasn't so much a symptom as a very normal response to being sat down through prayers and hymns and recitations, etc.
And then they played with their kitten to have the kitten run around chasing toys until exhausted and happy sleepy, gave it dinner and asked if I wanted to snuggle and catch up on the news on TV.
And things were fine. They reflected that they didn't fall apart, that they never expected to be able to handle an event like that. That leaving a little early was not much of a sin and they'd been talkative, likeable, well-dressed, and nice company.
The next day there was no recovery or fall out. They did a big favor (1.5 hours driving) for an acquaintance who was rushing in from out of town for an elderly family member who broke their leg. This favor did not stop them from getting some work done, kitten care, and schedule planning.
What a change. From a mental health melt down and subsequent years of relived trauma, improving to the point where the big follow up was them giving me an eyeroll in the car and saying "next time, I'm asking about how many hymns and homilies there will be before I RSVP."

Like probably many of you, I give off sad vibes to people, apparently, even if I'm not sad at the time. It's not really something I can "fix", probably it's ASD at the core, there's a gap between how I feel inside, and what is shown on the outside, if it makes sense.
Yes, if say a therapist prods me enough, they will find a deep sadness, literally a black hole, covered in many layers of self defense. The cause of it is mostly the inability to connect with people, bullying and abandonment for not being "normal", fears that turn true every single time I let my guard down.
I studied ways to appear more charismatic for a job for example; the right things to say, when to say them, how to mimic interest; trained smiling on command in the mirror, recorded myself talk, all of that. I could in theory put on such a mask for a short time say, for a job, for money. I couldn't, however, for relationships. I want authenticity.
I got deeply hurt again recently when I allowed myself to open up and take that mask off. People want happy upbeat people that entertain them constantly and make them feel good.
I am wondering what the point of relationships even is, then. For a job, or even a sugar daddy of sorts, people fake it for money, that's easy. If I want sex I can have it probably relatively easily without either person caring about the other's feelings, since I'm a woman and not physically repulsive, I think.
So, if I don't want for example someone's money, status or connections, literally what's the point? What do I get out of that massive effort of keeping that mask on 24/7? How do I not become so bitter and cynical that I don't start rating people according to how they can be useful for me?

I found myself browsing through a college website, looking at degree programs, course descriptions, etc.
I have dreams every so often about college life, especially having a bad dream that I never finished my degree, one so vivid I actually had to wake up and look in my file cabinet to make sure (I did).
I’ve always been regretful that I was talked out of my original major, but I’ve had a decent career, made good money, and might even retire early. I have no intention of finding a “second career”. But still, I have this weird yearning.

For context: I live in Tennessee and I work in an office setting. Work hours are from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm.
I work in a position that deals heavily with clients and customers. Typical morning duties include filing and documenting legal paperwork that has come in after hours and notifying clients about voicemails left after hours.
Previously, the salaried supervisor would take care of this around 7:40 am since she comes in to work early. Now, upper management wants the hourly office workers to take care of these tasks, but they still want it done before the office opens to the public. They instructed us to come into the office and perform these tasks at 7:50 am. That's fine with me. I started clocking in at 7:50 am to reflect this.
When I submitted my time the next week, they denied my timecard stating I have to clock in at 8 am. Since then I have started coming to the office at 7:55. I still perform these tasks and I'm ready for the day by 8, but I'm not working off the clock. I just had a talk with upper management and they're not happy. They are threatening corrective action if I continue to come in at 7:55. They told me I need to be in my seat ready to go at 7:50 am, but I am still only allowed to clock in at 8 am. My personal time is valuable as well. Being ready to work by 7:50 means I need to arrive at the office at 7:45 to boot up my computer. I'm losing an hour and 15 minutes of pay every week that this happens. I love this job, but I need that extra time in the mornings for personal reasons. Is there any way I can win in this situation or am I going to have to lose the time and money? Is any of this even legal? Please advise.

All day today this is the most I have seen of negative nay sayers and entitled douches trying to stick their leg down the throats of us investors. Its simple really if you don’t got nothing nice to say, don’t say it, it’s cool to be cautious, but talking smack on people who are investing their hard earned money is not the way to go.
Long story short my friends HOLD ON to your shares as best as you can, and be practical and pragmatic with your decisions. A little investment goes along way especially for this ride baby!

Hi everyone, I’m new to the sub but I’m in a very low moment right now and the idea of finding this sub and venting just occurred to me so please bear with me.
I graduated from a bootcamp in January, it was a 4 month intensive bootcamp and of course they were very clear about the importance of networking. So I’ve been going to different meetings that I found on meetup. But honestly? I hate them, I hate networking, I hate that the people there are mostly men who just love to hear themselves talking, they all act so superior, more than once I have ended up in my car crying because the whole thing makes me feel so miserable, not only do I feel that I know nothing and wasted my money and time on the bootcamp but also it really weighs on me how the majority of them are men. I want to connect with other women, I want to learn from other women, I want to expand my circle but for some reason it just looks like such a rare thing? Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places?
I cannot keep going to these networking event where there are 30 attendees and 28 are men. I just can’t. It’s making me revisit if this is the right industry for me and that just sends me into a bigger spiral of what am I doing with my life. I need a job but I don’t see how to get one if this is what I have to do to get it.
I’m sorry if it doesn’t makes sense I’m just very overwhelmed right now

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? Am I overthinking his lies and abuse? Do I need to get away now? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

My father in-law talking to this one person. For few months and he said he can help him out with some money . Wanted he to download edge wallet . So he can send some money . I got a old phone that works still down loaded app on Google app store . There's nothing on the phone . No passwords link to the phone . I sent him the receive link that's it . Said it take 24 hour's and asked him for a screenshot said he's working on it ..

Like probably many of you, I give off sad vibes to people, apparently, even if I'm not sad at the time. It's not really something I can "fix", probably it's ASD at the core, there's a gap between how I feel inside, and what is shown on the outside, if it makes sense.
Yes, if say a therapist prods me enough, they will find a deep sadness, literally a black hole, covered in many layers of self defense. The cause of it is mostly the inability to connect with people, bullying and abandonment for not being "normal", fears that turn true every single time I let my guard down.
I studied ways to appear more charismatic for a job for example; the right things to say, when to say them, how to mimic interest; trained smiling on command in the mirror, recorded myself talk, all of that. I could in theory put on such a mask for a short time say, for a job, for money. I couldn't, however, for relationships. I want authenticity.
I got deeply hurt again recently when I allowed myself to open up and take that mask off. People want happy upbeat people that entertain them constantly and make them feel good.
I am wondering what the point of relationships even is, then. For a job, or even a sugar daddy of sorts, people fake it for money, that's easy. If I want sex I can have it probably relatively easily without either person caring about the other's feelings, since I'm a woman and not physically repulsive, I think.
So, if I don't want for example someone's money, status or connections, literally what's the point? What do I get out of that massive effort of keeping that mask on 24/7? How do I not become so bitter and cynical that I don't start rating people according to how they can be useful for me?

I kept my appointment with my doc. I had my hubby go with me for support and I was willing to go in and let them have it! I got the worst migraine but I communicated my feelings. They were t firing me but said they won’t prescribe opioids. I told them I was firing them because I no longer felt safe or heard from them. I also explained how since both tests showed wildly different things they should do another because neither sample was tested in both their office and an outside. I explained I was raped at 4 and some of my family (not parents or bro but aunts and uncles) did not believe me and so being called a liar takes me back. She begged me to stay on and pushed more injections on me. I was ready to quit all prescription meds and be done! Other things were said on my part including telling her as someone that has chronic pain I pray it never happens to her but if it does to think of me and all the other patients that she put through this. After a decently long discussion my hubby who never talks bad about anyone told her to tell her boss he’s a COWARD! If he’s discontinuing on someone that he has multiple X-rays and tests showing significant problems he should at least have the balls to tell them himself instead of putting it on her! You could see that click and she started to get it. She said she would have a talk with him and that she hopes I’ll take time to reconsider quitting them. I also got the money they owed me for overpayment when I had surgery. I’m not sure if I will go back but at least I said my piece. So for those of y’all that thought I was lying I still maintain I have no idea how this could happen. I don’t know my next steps but a kind person that lives close by gave me some names of other doctors. Although I didn’t read all the replies from the other post I appreciate everyone that gave advice and support. Gentle hugs to you all!

No family , no friends and now I know why I have given up more than once before. My wife tells me there were all kinds of birthday wishes on facebook. When it was actually 2 of her friends that I don’t know and one friend that I have known for as long as I have known my wife. I am not out to her.
I am out to nobody but my wife. It’s been a rough few years. Last time(done it a few times) I quit hormones we moved and when I finally realized it’s not going away and HRT had to be permanent, I lost contact with all my close trans friends and now I hate myself.
The guilt my wife makes me feel when I do something towards my transition just brings me so far down I don’t want to wake up in the morning.
My main dysphoria is hair. Any hair drives me nuts. Body hair is manageable with an epilator now that I have been doing it so long. But the face is truly driving me nuts. I am about to do a 3 hour Electrolosis appointment. And adk for forgiveness after. And what do I do instead of focusing on myself. I start a charity. I take money I don’t have so I can get my charity a legally a 501c3 tax exempt status. I don’t know how to run a charity. All I want to do is help others. But I am so sad for myself I can barely keep things afloat.
My wife does not know how to talk to someone. Without seeing all the negatives and none if the good things.
She knows nothing about my charity. And really nothing about my transition. What I do instead of discussing things with her is I just go do it and ask forgiveness later. Told her when I started HRT just enough to get my mind right. Knowing full well I would need enough to make my breasts grow. I knew I wanted full dose including progesterone. If she found out I was taking progesterone. She would want to know why. Not sure she would like it if she knew I wanted big breasts in the first place and that’s what I actually planned. She did not like it when the nipples got Huge but she got used to them.
She keeps saying she is still attracted to me. But she never makes the first move. And when I try she doesn’t want it. Damn I am horny and my libido has not changed. I can still perform well. It sucks so bad.
Got my nails don’t light pink. She made me feel like crap and then the next day got over it. Got my toes white. Gave me crap about them then 30 mins later said she really likes them. She always asks why I want something. I tell her because it makes me happy. She just does not get it at all.
She really does not get why a man like me wants to get my nails done. Yes I said man. If I even tried my female name and pronouns with/around her it would be a big fight.
When all this came to light she told me she likes men. And she is not attracted to women. And not sure she would stay with me if I transitioned fully. So fast forward and no body hair. Painted toes and hands. 38D and still growing. I have way more women’s clothes than male clothes. I wear capris and flip flops almost everyday. I am pretty feminine except for my face. She said she would not stop me but probably won’t stay if I go all the way.
She also said the I can experiment with makeup and get a wig and leave the house en fem if I was going out with other girls. But I know the first time she saw me fully made up it would not be a good experience for me. Already told me I would be an ugly woman. So that’s why I am scared to death to go out fully dressed. Besides I know nobody in Southern California any more to go out with.
You know I would just leave but I do love her very much and I am financially secure with her. I know I would survive without her. But no more vacations and etc. I thought a slow approach would work. It seems it is but the time it is taking is getting to me.
Sorry I am just rambling about things that make no sense. Probably better if I quit existing. No body fucking cares!!

My roommate (25F) and I (23F) met each other on our job. We quickly start a friendship with other girls, creating our own friend group. After my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I moved out to a room very close to our workplace. After that, we really became close, and we started to meet after work for drinks and talks, but I didn`t really think of them as my best friends. Yeah, we were friends, but not very close. I mean, we knew each other for like 5 months and didn't have a lot of friends in common.
One night, while we were having a drink (I don`t drink, but I don`t mind being around), I commend that I was searching for a new place because in the one where I was, there was a pub litterally down my room, and I couldn't sleep on the weekends. She asked me if I thought about shearing with a friend and proposing herself. TBH, I didn`t really tell her how I liked to live, but we kind of talked about the important stuff, like how it needed to be a place with 2 rooms and where she could have her dog, and how it needed to be close and in our price range (700 euros in total, or about 350 euros).
After searching, we found a cute apartment near our place of work for 670 euros. The only problem was that it was very small, about 50 m2, and one of the rooms was very small, like, it had a twin bed and a little wardrobe, and that was it. no more room. We decided that we would pay the same, but we would change rooms every 3 months. To be honest, I don`t know how we think that was a good idea, but at that time, it seemed good.
The problems start about a month after moving in. She asked me to cover the security deposit during that part of the first month when we started, and I was starting to see how I was the one paying for everything (food, cleaning, needed electronics like a microwave), and she didn`t really look like she was going to pay. So I started to comment about it, not really pushing it but keeping it in mind. Maybe that is not the best, but I have to say that I did not have money. I was being paid at least 800 euros while hers was 1000, and I was having to ask my mother for money to eat at the end of the month because she never paid me back and was eating everything I bought for me. But one day, about 2 months ago, I got super stressed because, after she got fired from her job and resigned for the other 2 months, I started getting mad because it was the 5th and I had 29 euros on my name for the rest of the month. I am very badly confronted. I decided to lie down and tell her that I had a family emergency and I needed her to send me some of the money she owns. At that time, it was about 500 euros. She started to tell me that I was very inconsiderate because she didn't have a job and was also helping to pay her rent.
After that, I decided that I didn't really want to keep the friendship; we didn't really have anything in common (culturally, about relationships, boundaries, etc.), and she didn't talk to me for a week. After that, we stay cordial, but we start to have big problems. Her dog.
She didn't take care of him; he peed and pooped in the living room or kitchen and didn't get clean for hours; he ate two different pairs of shoes; he ate all the sofa cushions; and he bit every inch of the table, chairs, and wood he could find.
I just told her she should start cleaning after her dog and even offered to take him for a walk if she was working. A week passes, and one day, while I was cooking, she got out of her room and started telling me that she was tired of cleaning my sh*t. I have to admit that I am not the most tidy, but I try to keep everything clean, even if it is not organiced. After she tells me that I kind of exploded, I tell her that I was tired of living with her dog.
After that, we start to argue about why I'm not clean or organic, how I'm going to eat to work, and why I haven't even been in the living room in a week because it's full of shit and odd of her dong. After that, she started to scream (tbh, I don't remember how she started screaming, but we both ended up doing it) about how I didn't have the right to tell her how to take care of her dog, and I thought back that I was the one living with it because she was eating at work, sleeping, or parting (nothing wrong with that life, but if you don't have a dog to take care of),. After that, we just insulted each other, and she ended up going to work. and was the start of a 3-week strait where we didn't have any interaction.
A week ago, we started to talk and kind of say sorry to each other, but that was it.
But now it's time to change rooms, like we talked about at the beginning, and she decided not to. So now, I am stuck with the small room, without my money, and having to pay for food for two.
But regardless of the state we are in, she invited "our" friends, who, btw, don't talk to me anymore, to our house at 2/3 am and listen to loud music or talk bad about me (the door of my room leads directly to the living room, so I listen to everything). But now they are telling me that I am the one creating a bad vibe in the home while I am the one who tries to keep everything calm because I don't like confrontation, but maybe that's the problem. Idk
So AITAH?
PD: Sorry for any mistakes; English is not my first language.

Ok I was speaking with a friend of mine about this today and things started to click, so I want to present my theory and hear people’s thoughts because I am by no means an economist or politician or anything and I want to know if I’m way off base or not. In other words, I need advice on my theory on real estate taxes and how they’re impacting current renters rates…
This is purely speculative without supporting evidence.
So, Boston gets a huuuuge portion of the revenue through property taxes, and of that number a huuuuge portion comes from commercial businesses real estate. But in comes Covid telling people to work from home for “a while.” What’s a business to do? They don’t want to get rid of their properties because they’ll need them eventually, but they’re so expensive. So it’s time for plan B. Layoffs, yup. Downsizing, yeah. Closing completely, mhmm. All of these things are happening, and it’s driving the cost of commercial real estate down, which in turn drives down the taxes earned from each property.
Meanwhile, Boston has been spending those taxes like crazy, and who could blame ‘em! They had a health crisis to manage, on top of all the other projects going on (looking at you mbta, you really botched that green line job huh pal…).
So the money is going out faster than the taxed businesses can replenish it. Fast forward to today and Boston is in the red by a lot. Like a lot a lot, projected to be 1.4B deficit in five years. On top of that, the damage is done and people realize they don’t need to commute to work and they don’t want these offices, leaving the businesses holding the bag on what appears to be poor investments on paper. Last I checked businesses are far better at lobbying than individuals, are they about to pass the buck to residents? What’s Mayor Wu to do?
Well, unsurprisingly taxes went up. Commercial real estate went up, as did residential taxes. On top of that, the values of these residential properties also went up, making those taxes more expensive.
Now Mayor Wu has filed legislation - not passed, just filed - to try and protect those residential property owners by allowing for a rather substantial tax exemption… if you live in the property you own. Ya know who doesn’t live in their own properties. The landlords… well, typically.
So, regardless of if Mayor Wu’s legislation is passed, landlords are looking at a tax increase no matter what, and boooooy howdy they ain’t gunna be the ones paying it, all you are. This is why you see landlords asking for substantial rent increases, getting shot down, then listing the place for even more. But it gets worse.
The deficit of taxes within Boston is so great, it’s unlikely that property taxes for businesses or residents will ever go down anytime soon, only increase. So what are the landlords to do? Some will weather the storm, but I think a lot of them will sell, and I think Mayor Wu is hoping for this, but I foresee it backfiring. We aren’t talking about the major real estate owners property conglomerates selling, nor are we talking about the schools selling either, I’m talking about the yuppy rich white lady down on the cape that has a few rental properties and never takes care of them. She’s selling. But to who? I think the hope is that potential home owners will buy these properties, incentivized by the tax exemptions, but this us where my skepticism comes from. There’s absolutely noooo way that’s happening when their main bidding competitors are colleges, whose resources are practically unlimited, and real estate companies who have started renting by the room and not by the apartment. And if all else fails, just pull a seaport and buy, demo, build.
Let’s review. Boston is in debt and it’s only getting worse. Commercial real estate value is continuing to drop. Taxes on those properties are increasing but it’s not enough to offset the spending like it used to. Businesses gunna shutter. Residential real estate is increasing in value. Taxes on those properties will be unmanageable for the run-o-the-mill homeowner. Wu is trying to keep home owners, so landlords get disproportionately taxed. Renters are left holding this very heavy bag. Oh yeah, those renters also have like absolutely zero protections against any of this.
Let’s skip ahead a few more years and let the crazy conspiracy theorist in me run rampant: Taxes continue to go up for everyone, so a whole lotta businesses are gunna close (I mean, did you see what just happened to Tavern in the Square this week? Yeah, expect more of that…), landlords keep raising their prices, tuition keeps climbing, unaffordable housing keeps getting built, there’s a mass exodus of businesses leaving Boston, and the businesses that do stay can’t pay their… no, they can, but they won’t pay their employees a salary to live here. They just won’t, and why should they? It’s ungodly expensive to live here and equally as atrocious to run a business here, you’d have to live with your parents rent free for years on a Boston salary just to save enough for a competitive down payment for a home in the city, and forget about renting and saving… your boss’s argument is that they commute in from the cape everyday so why can’t you? Audible eye roll… The schools love this, keep the poor out and only allow for the wealthiest students and their very rich papas and mamas to pay for everything, they look more prestigious than ever, meanwhile I’d wager that at least 1/10 of those students are here to party and get fucked up. Fucked up on what though? TITS literally just closed, liquor licenses are obscenely expensive, you can expect to see more Hecate’s than Silhouette’s because the clientele will absolutely spend $100 to have some smoke rolling out of the glass… The renters gotta make a quick buck and sell their pain killers from an injury the year prior, get kids hooked but they can’t afford anything, so they turn to tranq. Meanwhile those same renters, who are respectable hard working nurses and teachers and small business owners and all kinds of people who should NOT be in this situation, they all have their price jacked up AGAIN to mmm I’m thinking 3500/studio will be the going rate by now, and so these renters are forced to “move” but the question is how? Everyone wants a first, last, security, brokers, and a U-Haul, no one can afford to move, or save for that matter, so they have to leave the city. If they’re lucky enough to have a place to go that is, otherwise everyone else is going to be turning methadone mile into a methadone marathon.
Boston is well on its way to make Philly and San Francisco look like saints in comparison.

You know... had to find a place and there is a subreddit for everything. Glad I found this place. I'm just going to write because I want to beat the living shit out of this man every time I see him and I need to calm my ass down. My left leg is itching to land a roundhouse on this man.
A few months ago, I was talking about cars with a neighbor who lived across the street from me. We usually have talks about his car, my car, and my bike, and we talk about old-school cars. Just one dude having a fun conversation with another.
I had left my garage open, and my dogs. I have 2 of them. One I rescued from a family who couldn't keep it. The other landed on my lap and I've been taking care of it and is now considered my own.
Well, these 2 got out, and started roaming around about 70 ft from my property. Started sniffing around and found the scent of another dog and was curious. I didn't notice this at first of course.
They end up in this man's front yard. Who knows maybe they marked their territory a little drizzle here and there on their grass. Anyway, this man comes out and starts yelling "Get your dog off my yard". I didn't hear him at first or could make out what he was saying, and I realized my dogs had gotten out. I call my dogs, and they are well-trained, they both respond quickly and come running back.
I was a bit offended damn man. They meant no harm. Don't have to yell and shit you know. They are smelling another dog. They are interested in finding out more about this other animal that took a shit and piss in your yard. That's what dogs do. Anyway, I yelled back sorry! I meant it, I was sincere about it. I even started walking over there to show concern of course. He does not respond to me other than saying loudly, "Leash your dog". At that point, I'm over it, my buddy and I crack some jokes about the dude to laugh it off.
Like wtf got up this guy ass at 9 pm? Do you stare out the window all night looking for dogs that may end up in your front yard? We have a good laugh and we talk some more car, my dogs are cool with my buddy. Animals know instinctively who is friendly and who isn't. Oddly that's what I've noticed.
The next morning, after I have taken my kids to school. This jackass walks up to me in his version of workout clothes. I have never seen him ever since I've been taking my kids to school every morning but today was a special day. He has his airpods on, sneakers, and running shorts. Then he comes up to me and talks some mad shit. He's obviously spent the entire night thinking about how he's going to put me in my place or some shit. I just tell the guy to walk away. He says to me "What are you going to do about it?" Say what? What is this? Do what, I asked you to get out of my face right?
Jesus man... this dude, is pushing like the mid-50s to early 60's. I'm younger obviously, I'm thinking you trying to go toe to toe? I tell him to walk away. He tells me his wife is Korean and I'm Korean so he's trying to make some level of connection here, implying he knows something about my culture and he is disappointed as he should know there is some level of cultural impact I should have being a Korean and the way I have responded to him is not to his liking. Thus, I must show some level of respect or bend a knee or some weird shit, as if he understood Koreans to be something different than I am. Entitled as fuck this guy. He wants to feel superior and wants to be bowed down to. A total sense of entitlement right? Superiority complex of some kind. Fuck he annoys the fuck out of me. I keep calm and tell him to get the fuck out of my face but nicer. "Just leave man, no need for you to be in front of me, just gotta go move along," is what I told him.
No offense but I'm looking at this white dude here, and look I can say it because my uncle is white, married my aunt and we had a great relationship. No disrespect but who the fuck is this dude to start bringing up Korean this Korean that, we're in the US man. He acts disrespectful to me and gives me the middle finger as he walks away after me telling the guy on at least four other occasions to get going and stay out and away from my personal space. I'm like whatever, I'm over it. He means nothing really. He means less to me than let's say, a piece of rubber or something. I could care less.
Then he went ahead and told the HOA that my dogs had taken multiple shits in his yard, and I have never bothered to pick up after them. I make sure to pick up shit especially if it's on someone else's yard right. Of course, I respond back to HOA, and tell them, they got bigger things to worry about and they really have bigger shit to worry about than some bs complaint.
I'm sure that got that little ball sack of low-life fucking pissed right. I mean I got 2 tiny dogs. Each weighs less than 10lbs. One is around 6 lbs other is around 7.5 lbs. They are not fucking pit bulls here. Apparently, he also said my dogs were vicious.
That never went far. Anyway, yesterday, my kids got home from school, they wanted to visit a neighborhood friend and left the garage open. A lady was walking by. She was Asian, I can tell. How? I have cameras. I was also upstairs and looked out my window which is directly above the garage because I didn't hear the garage door close.
Well these 2 little shits went barking at her. She didn't flinch just kept on walking. I tell the kids close the garage. Today the big man over there and another lady who lives across the street from him, (I suppose birds of a feather flock together) rang my doorbell after I dropped my son off at school. I come downstairs, and this asshole pounds my door to show his impatience. I'm thinking cops? I open the door it's this asshole and his neighborhood lady friend.
I ask them what's the visit for, she tells me that when she was walking yesterday, my dogs "attacked" her and the dickhead standing next to her adds more dramatic impact and says, they even bit her. I'm fucking laughing inside. I saw the whole thing myself from upstairs. The lady my dogs barked at was Asian, her hair was black, I can still see her face from my upstairs bedroom window. I saw my dogs run up and bark at her and sniff her shoes and bark some more before my kids called them in. This lady was covered in long white sleeve and long white walking pants, white sneakers, a hat to cover the sun, and a face mask because she's Asian of course and we all hate the sun. Her walking stature was that of a woman in her mid 40 to 50's, and this lady in front of me that was supposedly attacked was again not Asian, and the lady claiming that she got attacked is about 30 years older, not even capable of walking no more than 200 feet from her property. She does not wear walking attire obviously made in China or Korea. I know because I'm Korean and older women wear exactly that type of clothing in Korea or Asia when they walk in daylight. They like to avoid the sun, but get their walks in. Jesus.... the fucking lies in this shit is humor at this point.
The lady in front of me is too old, let alone is capable to walk past my property or take daily walks. I work at home remotely man, I would have noticed if this lady was to type to take walks at 3 pm. I pick my kids up and I'm active outside during that time.
This lying POS goes a bit further and says, he thinks my dogs even broke skin. I look at her finger. I see nothing. No bite marks nothing, not even a scratch. No blood. Just straight-up lies. I apologize to the lady regardless. I tell her I'll cover her medical expenses (which means medical report, and doctor bill) she stutters a little, says no need. If she broke skin, and my dogs bit her, she would be at my house the minute it happened. Fucking lying ass dumb idiots. This man now dragged this lady into his lies you know.
Then I look at this mother fucker in the eye and my fucking legs are twitching, and in my mind, I want to land a roundhouse, I gauged the distance, and it would land on the right side of his face. Shit would have been a 10/10 perfect kick I'm thinking.... yea dipshit, something else you should know about Koreans, most of us take some sort of martial arts early in our youth and that never really stops. Seeing how you say you know so much about my culture, did that not enter your fucking head?
Anyway, I look at this sorry excuse for a man, a fucking coward and I ask him why he's here? If the lady is the one who got bit, then perhaps this is between me and her, right? He says he's there with her because he cares. Like hell, you do. You dragged this lady in your lies and she's going along with you but it's not the truth. You sorry ass POS, now dragged another individual into your BS. You still can't get over our last encounter and you are dying to come over and start some new shit. I asked you to walk away, but you didn't like it. You felt disrespected. In your spare time, you've been scheming ways to get back because you were never satisfied.
Anyway, he brings my dogs up again and says he'll call the police. I tell him to do what he's gotta do. That pissed him off because I called his bluff and he can't pull through and execute. I'm fucking with his ability to do anything about it. He now feels small again.
He said I should leave the neighborhood. I bought this fucking house, so I tell him you have money? You wanna buy me out? He has none, he says, "I don't want another house" Okay well then shut the fuck up right. I tell him at this point he should leave. The audacity of this little shitbag to tell me to move out of my own house is something else. Once again this sense of entitlement, where do you get it from?
Anyway, he's giving me the middle finger this whole time like a bitch hiding behind his safety blanket or something right. He's doing all kinds of weird shit right now. Like throws both fingers up, turns around does a 180, and gives me another two fingers. He's doing this like 10 times. What the fuck is wrong with this guy right? In front of the old lady which he seemed to have convinced to carry out the lies with him. I can tell at this point, she's about had it. She no longer wants to be involved. Again, if a person got bit by a "vicious dog" and was bleeding, she would not have acted this way right? She got called out on her hand, she tried to play along with his lead, how my dogs broke the skin, getting bit by them... all that, but she's got no bite marks, and my dogs don't bite. I know this. At the end she tells me she doesn't want my dogs on her yard, but she's okay with other dogs on her yard. So it's a personal thing, okay no worries I tell her.
Then he brings up the culture thing again. "You know my wife is Korean.... she's disgusted with you...blah blah" I respond, "I am Korean and my entire family is Korean and they would be disgusted with you," and then I tell him, "You don't understand us Koreans, we have mutual respect and honor, you have none, and that's why you're not getting any"
Guy walks away looking as small as he is, caught in his lies. When I knew all along what happened, his face turns fucking tomato red. Just what the fuck? How sick is this guy in the head? Anyway, I don't expect anything, just thought I'd write, for the internet and the entire world.

The company as become more greedy. They removed the kitchen staffs free meals and blamed inflation but inflation rate is over all lower this year then the last year. They said one of the reasons why they cant give managers raises is because of labor law fines. But the real reason is they want more money. They will not pay their Kitchen Staff $20 and hour like Olive Garden and most other restaurants. Seems to me they will be losing more employees slowly but surly. I am glad I no longer work there. Now at Olive garden. More money, more tips, free meals and more hours. The Franchise Owner talked to me about The Spaghetti Factory and how he use to be a kitchen manager there. By all means do not apply!