What to say to my boyfriend on a text or call

2024 boss of the year šŸ™„

2024.05.22 00:08 Comfortable_Call6239 2024 boss of the year šŸ™„

So, there's this bossā€”let's call them Mr. California Dreamin'. They strut around like they're the second coming of Steve Jobs, but let me tell you, their management skills are more like a dumpster fire in a windstorm.
First off, health insurance? Nah, that's for peasants! Mr. California Dreamin' is too busy sipping kale smoothies and chanting "om" during their ayahuasca retreats to bother with our measly mortal concerns. Meanwhile, I'm over here praying my appendix doesn't burst because I can't afford a hospital visit. šŸ„
And don't get me started on the paycheck-to-paycheck life. It's like doing the cha-cha with my bank account every damn month. Bills waltz in, groceries tango out, and my sanity does the Macarena. But Mr. California? Oh no, they're too busy channeling their inner shaman to notice our financial foxtrot.
You know what grinds my gears? The hypocrisy! They preach about work-life balance while they're sipping organic kombucha on a beach in Malibu. Meanwhile, I'm juggling deadlines like flaming torches and praying I don't drop one and set my sanity ablaze.
And let's talk about those team-building exercisesā€”because nothing says "bonding" like trust falls and awkward icebreakers. But when it comes to real support? Crickets. Mr. California Dreamin' is too busy communing with spirit animals to give a damn about our struggles.
So here's my message to Mr. California: Your ayahuasca-induced enlightenment won't pay my rent or fix my caveman laptop. Maybe instead of chanting mantras, try chanting "employee benefits." Just a thought.
In conclusion: šŸ–•šŸ¼šŸŒ“
submitted by Comfortable_Call6239 to antiwork [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:08 hornypunjaban Iā€™m trying to pick up the pieces after dating a narc

I (25F) recently separated from my (25M) partner 3 months ago. We were together for 2 and a half years. It was a bitter sweet relationship. He met me through Instagram he was the one to approach me. The first few weeks were great we were vibing and got along really well. But as the relationship proceeded I began to notice he isnā€™t putting enough efforts as me. All the things he said in the beginning we would do never actually happened. I wanted us to explore new things, to travel, to experience any possible stuff from shopping to going on a lunch. I expressed many times initially through a polite communication that heā€™s not doing enough to make me feel special or meeting my efforts. But then it turned into arguments. He would go on vacations with his friends and I always expressed that it makes me feel leftout and I wanna experience all of that with him too. But every single time he gaslit me. Saying Iā€™m asking for too much and I always try to start a fight and try to ruin his day just Cus Iā€™m in a bad mood. I kept settling for the bare minimum for 2.5 years. Wishing one day he would magically change and start treating me better and see my worth. He made empty promises but actions never matched the words. He was the most important person for me and he always came first to me. I put so much effort on him I would start saving two months before his birthday to make it the most special day for him. I have spent three birthdays with him and he has never ever brought me a gift or on valentines or ever went out of his way to do something for me. The most basic thing you expect from a partner is to be heard and understood and for them to acknowledge your feelings that their actions bother you. For them to make you feel safe to be vulnerable and take care of your feelings. But everytime he would put a wall between us. He would invalidate my feelings, blameshift and minimise what I was going through. If I would ask about his day he would get annoyed saying I want the details about every single minute and I suffocate him. I was simply excited to know about his day Cus I loved him and I wanted to be a part of it. During the course of our relationship we only hanged out at his rental place which included a single bedroom. We have never traveled, never been to movies. He never introduced me to his friends. I would always justify his behaviour- maybe heā€™s occupied, maybe he is too busy with work, he has so many responsibilities of family and friends. Before breaking up with me we got into an ugly argument Cus I said that my skin has gotten worse cus he stresses me out so much. That hurt him so much that he was done with me. He warned me not do anything with myself that Iā€™m not supposed to. I felt so bad and I apologised so many times but he was simply not ready to listen or answer my calls even once. Recently after the breakup I learnt that he has been with other females on his vacations whenever he went with his friends. I was devastated. Knowing that his platonic friends had more access to him and they get to spend a night with him but not me. Earlier I would see him leave comments below other females pictures and it made me upset but he would always mention that they are just normal friends and I matter more to him. Yesterday I texted him saying I want him to take accountability for his actions and manipulation that he went out with females behind my back. To which he replied that he got friends and I will never make friends cus of my toxicity. Toxic for always ruining his day. For constantly arguing to be loved. Thatā€™s when I knew I spend these years invested with a narcissist. I kept settling Cus I didnā€™t love myself enough to walk away. He will never take accountability or ever apologise. I donā€™t even think he would ever realise the pain he has put me through. Cus he would never self reflect. Iā€™m just trying to pick up the pieces that I was trying to find in him. He made me question me my worth, he made me believe Iā€™m not lovable, that Iā€™m only good enough to be taken to a closed room. Heā€™s the reason Iā€™m suicidal but Iā€™m only sticking around Cus I canā€™t do that to my parents. I have spent hours crying for him knowing well there wonā€™t be any justice. And I hate myself for still loving him. My only fault was to love him too much that I got so scared of losing him that I lost myself. My whole world revolved around him. Maybe if I wasnā€™t so needy we would still be together. But I just wanted to be loved, to be understood, to be treated like I matter, to feel safe to be vulnerable, to have those difficult conversations so we could grow together as individuals. I donā€™t know if I was the problem for having these expectations or if it makes me toxic. But Iā€™m not sure who I am anymore this experience truly took a toll on me.
submitted by hornypunjaban to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:07 Dextrophik Oh look another late 20s lonely guy

No idea where this is going but I've got time to kill at work..
As far as I'm feeling at this moment, I think I'm fine. I'm pretty worn down though and wondering how many days off the gym and 10+hr sleep days will get me fresh.
Anyway, I'm a 29 year old dude in Canada. I have a pretty good job in the defense sector, but I'm not great with finances. My hobbies and passions are expensive, and I often overpay for things so I don't have to think about it in the moment.
I live at home, as 2500+ for an apartment eating 60+% of my salary hasn't sounded exactly appealing but its almost time here. I don't think I want to live with my parents this time next year, at 30 years old.
My big issue is not being in a romantic relationship. That fact has always been the driving force behind most of the actions I take to be honest. I'm just realizing it now, so yeah, the ROI doesn't seem worth it.
By actions I mean anything to do with fitness and appearance, the music I listen to, and most the little things I do on any given day, that might challenge me or make me avoid or cover up pain in some way ( little self care habits or things like weed, supplements, nootropics, drugs in general to keep me somewhat functional, mostly by masking some of the pain).
I'll be blunt and objective about my situation, and its this:
29, single since 19
Good looking guy, gotten better looking over time, but short, and my hair is a semi-permanent piece.
I've got self esteem issues for sure, and I can't say I always put off the best energy, being depressed and all.
I avoided, or just flat-out didn't try to find anyone really. I used to just open up tinder and feel a mix of emotions that would just ball up into anxiety or butterflies. Weird mix of excitement resentment and hopelessness.
Last year I decided I was going to make big life changes. Learn a new language (Spanish), learn music in some form (bass guitar), improve my finances, quit some of my bad habits, and find love.
Well the year started off pretty good. Dove into a Spanish learning book, got stuff for my bassguitar thats sat for a decade, started journaling every day (failing to keep up with this).
By mid Feb around Valentines day and my birthday, things had been rocky. A bunch of health scares, a couple of injuries, car was fucking up left and right, started working 10 hours daily (Back to 8 after a month as side gig got kiboshed), some money stuff etc..
I heard about the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and decided to give that a watch, not knowing what to expect, and it kinda broke something inside me, for the better.
Another shitty thing that happened was I got stopped at the border late January (Can to US), because the dog smelled cannabis in my bag (there was none, but they found something that had residue on it and bam, not allowed in the US). This is funny timing because not two weeks later I matched with this girl that lived in California, and after talking for a bit and me finding out how closely our niche music tastes lined up, and just how beautiful i found her.. Like maybe not everyone's type, kind of gothic, not very active on social media, but something about her... just looked unique and I still think she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
You can judge my.. judgement all you want, and it might be fair. Some people just flip some specific switches in your head and make things light up. No one did that like this... I quickly got familiar with the concept of limerence but even after acknowledging that was probably happening here, I didn't care.
I honestly just over pursued.. I didn't send her a bunch of texts, but I started writing these long love letter things. I honestly can't believe how head over heels and dopey I was being. It lasted for probably 2 months, ending after I started talking with a few other girls, and actually meeting someone a city over at a concert that said she really liked me.
Felt like the longest 2 months of my life, there was a lot and I mean A LOT of pain, and I had no idea that I was capable or susceptible to something like this based off so little. We didn't even voice chat, and we hardly talked about anything other then music.
I just created this compelling fantasy world in my head and I was conflating things like my new desire to leave Canada and eloping with what I was projecting to be the woman of my dreams.
I'll never know where it could have actually went because I could not keep this shit to myself. Around the time this limerent episode started I got this ENORMOUS boost in energy and ambition, like I hadn't felt before. Didn't matter what drugs I was put on or what state of health, being etc I was in. This was bizarrely strong and I actually forgot about my vices. Almost completely, and all of them. In the span of 3 weeks, I had cold stopped THC (2nd time in 14 years), I got off nicotine, I cut my spending in half and adhered to my diet better than I ever had before.. a little too well (24lbs lost in 3 weeks).
It seemed like this daze I was in was like a dopamine geyser from within that had never been found before.
As soon as the deterioration phase of limerence started (the day I found out there was 0 reciprocation), those habits came flying back, starting off with the vape again. Just one disposable cause I wanted to have a moment outside this church for some reason... I felt really compromised, embarrassed, disappointed and a lot of self loathing.
I started doing private vlogs that day too. I found that to be very insightful and good for processing this stuff, but it became emotionally draining and I got tired of hearing and seeing myself pretty fast.
As weird as it is to admit this. I miss living in that simulated romance. It felt like it was driving me to the real thing.. maybe it still will, but I feel my motivation to do so has dropped off after this shit.. Music just sounded better, everything felt deeper, I had a weird but unsustainable sense of purpose. Now everything feels hollow and plasticy..
I'm pretty much past that now, and I don't know how to feel about that. I know what I should feel... GOOD, but I just kind of feel nothing.
submitted by Dextrophik to loneliness [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:07 Spirited_Butterfly67 Have any men changed their mind about kids and why?

Has any men here changed their mind about a pregnancy and if so why?
So me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years. We have had 2 pregnancies already that ended in miscarriage. Last year he was so hell bent on having a child, he really wanted to become a dad etc. We split up for a while during the end of last year and was healing from our trauma (mostly due to the miscarriages we just weren't good for each other at the time and needed time away to heal) anyway fast forward to this year and we are back together. We spoke again about children and I said that I would like to wait until next year to start trying again for a baby (2025) as during my healing I started to realise maybe l'm not as ready for a baby as l initially thought (but who really is lol). He agreed to this so that was our plan. I am now pregnant and he wants me to have an abortion. He is dead set on not having this child and Thave absolutely no idea why. He keeps saying it's because it's not our plan, it's not in the plan etc. and I know men are very different from women, you guys tend to think more logically whereas we women tend to think more emotionally. He has a million and one goals he "hasn't accomplished yet" and "we agreed next year to start trying" so he is hell bent that he does not want this baby at all, full stop. Even though half these goals he has accomplished or is in the process of completing so I just don't understand where this is all coming from. I am at the point thinking will he ever have enough? Will he ever be ready? Our first pregnancy he was really scared as this was the first time ever he had gotten someone pregnant and he did say he wasn't sure if he wanted it as he was still in uni, didn't have a job, no house etc so he hadn't completed his "goals" but eventually he came around but sadly we lost it. It's like he never has enough, before it was because he was in uni and didn't have a proper job (which is fair enough!) but he still eventually came around to the idea. Now he has finished his uni and has a stable, well paying job, and he has a car etc. so he's already completed the goals he set out before but now he has come with a whole bunch of new goals (that really just seem like excuses at this point) as he doesn't have a house, however he is in the process of buying a house which would be completed by the time the baby is born!!! I know men tend to never feel like they are ready for a child unless they have the typical car, job, house etc but nobody is ever truly ready for a baby even with all that stuff & it's not like he doesn't have any of that stuff under his belt if you get what I mean. He is a wonderful man, he's so kind and compassionate and he would make an amazing dad. He's so understanding and protective but has a lovely soft side to him. I adore him so much, I am just so shocked by his reaction to this pregnancy as he is in a better place than he ever was with our other pregnancies and he wanted those 2 but this one he is dead set against and I really don't understand why.
I have tried speaking to him about it and I have tried putting all these points across to him but he just shuts it down and says he's not going in circles about it. I'm just genuinely shocked by the reaction as it's not like him at all to be like this. Part of me feels like maybe it's because of our miscarriages but even if so why ask for an abortion? That's way worse than a miscarriage.
I guess my question really is have any men here been dead set against a pregnancy, even as going far as asking for an abortion but then changed their mind about it and is now a family? If so, what was it that changed your mind or what was it that clicked for you? Is there anything I can do to get him to change his mind? As it's not like this is something he never ever wanted, he did want this it's just not happened in the time frame we agreed, it's happened a year ahead of schedule. I just don't know what to do? For someone who agreed to have children to then turn around and do this is just caught me completely off guard. I know nobody here will have the answers to my specific situation, I am just wondering if maybe any men here have been in a similar situation and can shed any light as he has completely shut down. I just don't know how to make it better or help him. If there is anything I can do or show him that would make him take a second thought or even change his mind? I'm at a loss tbh
submitted by Spirited_Butterfly67 to AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:07 Initial-Outcome1633 Found Nmom talking sh!t about me on another sub

We have been very low contact for the last 6 months.
Recently I was browsing reddit, and discovered that my nmom and I have a certain sub in common. As I was reading I thought, wow that sounds a lot like my nmom. Sure enough, I look at the user name and it is her (she uses it for everything). Of course I cannot resist the urge to see what else she has been posting about. I discovered that she has been frequenting a trauma survivors sub and giving out advice on how to have healthy relationships. She is a trauma survivor but she has no business giving advice. She is the most toxic person I have ever known (besides my ex stepmother) and has never had a successful relationship with anyone, family or otherwise (my brother hasnā€™t talked to her in years). In her posts, she uses me over and over again as an example of someone who is ā€œenmeshedā€ with my children. I will have to ask my therapist about this because honestly I donā€™t know if my children and I are enmeshed. Canā€™t say that I even know what that would look like in a family. From my point of view they are all well adjusted, kind, free thinking, people with full autonomy. They are all grown adults and no longer live at home with me.
She also says that she has no idea how I turned out this way because I basically had a good childhood and if anything she blames my father. My dad is a good person, although he has married two different narcissists. My mother is covert and his second wife was absurdly overt. I was severely neglected by nmom; never hugged, always ignored, given the silent treatment (once for 3 months when I was 14), made to feel as if my feelings were worth nothing, etc. When I bring up anything from my childhood she says thatā€™s not how it happened or that it never happened. I could detail really disgusting things from my childhood but I wonā€™t go into it here
When I was 10 I used to daydream about my best friendā€™s mom being my mom. She was so warm and nurturing to her kids and also to me. She had cute nicknames for me which made me feel like I was special to her. I loved being at their house. As I grew older I began to make friends with people who were just as damaged as I was
Nmom also states in her posts that she and I were not enmeshed as I was growing up and that she was not raised in an environment like that so she is just baffled at how I could have turned out so badly (this is not word for word, I am paraphrasing). She says that I have never apologized for anything in my life. I remember many years ago trying to apologize to her for getting angry with her in front of my kids. She literally looked at me, blinked, and changed the subject as if I never said it. This has happened a number of times so eventually I learned that apologies mean nothing to her. She on the other hand has never apologized to me for anything and has never uttered the words ā€œI love youā€, to any of her kids. Maybe with the exception of when we were babies but I have no memory of that
She also stated that I never ā€œallowed her to have a relationshipā€ with my kids. My kids started to dislike her all on their own when they were very young. My youngest would cry if grandma was coming over. Reason being that nmom would start talking about ā€œend of daysā€ and we are all going to die horrible deaths because of climate change and that we need to have a suicide pact. Scared the shit out of my youngest starting around age 7. Around 15 years ago she said we all had about 5 years left to live before the shit hit the fan
Nmom was raised in an alcoholic household with sexual abuse that was ignored. My grandmother was also a narcissist. Grandmother used to say similar things about my aunt, that she was a ā€œbad seedā€ and they had no idea what was wrong with her or how she got that way. No one in the family has seen my aunt in over 30 years. She would be around 80 years old now.
This is more of a rant than anything else as there is really nothing I can do about her giving advice to other people and outright lying about me. Even though itā€™s anonymous, it still stings that my own mother would speak of me like that when she knows full well 95% of it is lies and the other 5% has a grain of truth that she has twisted and distorted to fit her insane narrative. She describes me as an absolute monster. I donā€™t understand how lying to internet strangers makes her feel good but it must since she keeps doing it. I found over 30 posts about me and my kids.
I am always willing to own up to things I have done wrong as a parent. It does hurt to admit some of these things because itā€™s such an awful feeling when you realize you may have damaged your own kids. But I think it is part of the healing process for everyone involved if you can own it and apologize. In recent months I have done so much apologizing that my oldest daughter finally said ā€œmom not everything you did was abusive and you have to stop thinking it wasā€
I donā€™t know whether to block nmom so I no longer see her posts or to call her out on her outrageous lies. Iā€™m inclined to do the latter, then block her
It makes me sick that nmom of all people is dishing out advice on how to have healthy relationships!
If youā€™ve gotten this far, thanks for reading ā¤ļø
submitted by Initial-Outcome1633 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:06 Zeddblidd The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

2024-195 / Zedd MAP: 79.48 / MLZ MAP: 91.44 / Score Gap: 11.96
Wikipedia / IMDb / Official Trailer / Our Collection
There it is - the memory is clear as day. Somehow it feels like ancient history and just yesterday in equal measures. Iā€™m driving my pride and joy at the time, my off-road Chevy truck. Weā€™re ā€œcoming down the hillā€ from Folsom to our apartment in northern Sacramento. Little Miss Zedd is about 4 and is happily kicking her feet in the back seat. Mrs. Lady Zedd is next to me fiddling with CDs. Iā€™m excited, the dayā€™s excursion took us to specialty shops of every sort but when we got home - thatā€™s when the best part begins. A new DVD is in hand, a Disney film Iā€™ve never seenā€¦
From IMDb: Basil, the rodent Sherlock Holmes, investigates the kidnapping of a toy maker and uncovers its link to his archenemy, Professor Ratigan.
This movie was very early in our collecting and itā€™s got a special place in my heart, marking it for special memory allocation. This was a ā€œLittle Mrs. Zeddā€ movie - a film she watched as a child and brought to the collection. One that Iā€™d never even heard of. She was looking to make special connections with our little girl - in a mommy and me sort of way, but I was getting in on that action - Mrs. Lady Zedd culture is something Iā€™m always happy to share in.
We needed something simple and comforting, today. Last weekā€™s weather was bumpy and the need to have LMZ stay with us a few days has left us both feeling out of the groove. Itā€™s always good to see Little Miss but not under these conditions. Mrs. Lady Zedd and I just needed ((shrug)) to reconnect.
While putting our needs through the noodle to figure out this afternoonā€™s film, the memories of that day, 20 years ago now, just showed up like an old friend. Up the stairs I went, careful around the mid-way corner, and back down, film in hand, in just under 35-minutes! Ok, thatā€™s not particularly fast but standing amongst all those movies, I get side-tracked.
Speaking of MLZ, she says she saw it on cable, her mother wasnā€™t the ā€œtake your kid to the moviesā€ type. I think, like me, she often used movies to escape. Itā€™s one of my favorite things to do. Just, melt into a motion picture - let it pick you up and just whisk you away. When I can project into a story, everything disappears. Time, people in the room, me sitting in my chair, allā€¦ just gone. What you might call Suspension of Disbelief extreme (xtreme?) or what we call the Movie Bubble around here
((My favorite))
Film done, Iā€™m much more settled, MLZ has that dreamy look I love the most. Our scores, so close on film after film in recent weeks, have become divergent. Who cares? I certainly donā€™t - of course weā€™ll be ultra close on some, super far on others. Iā€™m convinced literally anything can be expressed in terms of a bell curve, including ā€œpeople that love bell curvesā€. ((Mathematics!)) Here weā€™re likely just seeing the buoyancy of childhood nostalgia - something Iā€™m sure Little Miss Zedd will be able to share in, thanks to her mother.
Movie on? Is there any other way. :]
submitted by Zeddblidd to 500moviesorbust [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:04 myheartatemybrain Mind Over Awareness

New here. Iā€™ve always been told the mind is malleable. At first I didnā€™t quite understand what it meant until I asked someone what it meant to them. Sure itā€™s easy to say to another person, but I donā€™t feel like Iā€™m rebuilding my thought foundations strategically.
Iā€™ve found myself in a recent situation that called me into thinking of a new perspective on whatā€™s actually going on. I am over self-aware. I know my roots of shame, which I am and working with and I know I can be a little rough with myself. I am now at a point where Iā€™ve become frustrated that I keep allowing the brain to out run what I am aware of in moments of analysis. Especially when my awareness is ahead of the race initially. What gets me is that I know that I am a careful processor when it comes to difficult situations or being put on the spot and Iā€™m finished racing with my mind.
Thoughts on this?
submitted by myheartatemybrain to Meditation [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:04 Mean_Till_130 What does he (26m) want from me? (20f)

Me (20f) and this guy (26m) have been seeing each other for almost two years now. We started sleeping together and he ended it about a month or two in, telling me we both knew it was going nowhere and he didnā€™t want any feelings developing and hurt coming from it. This was fine, i just continued on with things and didnā€™t contact him. Then two weeks later we ended up seeing each other again on a night out and he told me he missed me and invited me to stay with him that night which i did. We continued on again for another couple of months, seeing each other often and sending long messages every day. Then I ended up finishing things as he got very intoxicated one night while i was home, rung me and then attempted to drive to my house. I was terrified he would hurt himself or someone else and managed to convince him to go home, which he reacted to rather badly in the state he was in. I texted him the next day and told him we should stop seeing each other because stuff like this cannot happen and he agreed and apologised. Didnā€™t see each other for two months, bumped into each other again on another night out. He was extremely apologetic, told me how much he missed me and how I was the first girl in a long time he had felt this way about. We ended up sleeping together again, this continued AGAIN for a few months until a massive argument around Christmas. He accused me of seeing another boy which, while that wasnā€™t the case, I felt was unfair regardless as he never asked me to be his girlfriend and i know for a fact hes at least kissed other girls while doing this with me. We didnā€™t talk for a few days but weā€™ve fallen back into this pattern again now of talking all the time and sleeping together after nights out. At this point, I do understand itā€™s just as much my fault as his but I donā€™t know what to do anymore. Weā€™ve told each other we love each other but frankly itā€™s not enough and he freezes up anytime I look for any form of commitment from him. I have never drunk called or texted him and yet he is constantly doing that to me, telling me he dreams about me every night, how Iā€™m the only girl to have this affect on him and things of a similar nature. I just cannot figure out what is going on in his head and he wonā€™t tell me.
TL;DR: on and off again with this boy for two years, he says hes in love with me, consistently comes back to me and yet doesnā€™t seem to want a relationship. but doesnā€™t want me in a relationship with anyone else.
submitted by Mean_Till_130 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:03 HorrorBuff2769 30 [M4F] North Carolina - What's your favorite scary movie?!

Hey ya'll
30/M from NC here. After doing a lot of reflection on my last relationship, I realize what I want, what I need, and what I can't compromise on and I feel like it's time to get back out there.
About Me
A few things I enjoy
What I'm looking for
For communication, I have Discord, Snapchat, and good ole' texting.
Send me a chat with your favorite horror movie and let's get this started!
submitted by HorrorBuff2769 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:03 HorrorBuff2769 30 [M4F] North Carolina - What's your favorite scary movie?!

Hey ya'll
30/M from NC here. After doing a lot of reflection on my last relationship, I realize what I want, what I need, and what I can't compromise on and I feel like it's time to get back out there.
About Me
A few things I enjoy
What I'm looking for
For communication, I have Discord, Snapchat, and good ole' texting.
Send me a chat with your favorite horror movie and let's get this started!
submitted by HorrorBuff2769 to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:03 HorrorBuff2769 30 [M4F] North Carolina - What's your favorite scary movie?!

Hey ya'll
30/M from NC here. After doing a lot of reflection on my last relationship, I realize what I want, what I need, and what I can't compromise on and I feel like it's time to get back out there.
About Me
A few things I enjoy
What I'm looking for
For communication, I have Discord, Snapchat, and good ole' texting.
Send me a chat with your favorite horror movie and let's get this started!
submitted by HorrorBuff2769 to r4r [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:03 MirrorEast F(24) and M(26) broke up how to move on

Hi! Sorry in advance if this is long. My bf (M26) and I (F24) have been dating for about 6 months now. Weā€™ve been long distance the entire time but lived in the same city for 2 months before he left. Heā€™s in the military and got stationed in a different state for the next 3 years. His new position has been hard on him. Its been a little difficult to ft and call or even text each other because he gets up pretty early and doesnā€™t come home till late at night and then heā€™s tired and just wants to go to sleep. Iā€™ve voiced that I need some type of connection and weā€™ve been sending voice messages to each other and try to fall asleep on the phone during the weekends. Iā€™ve only visited him twice. The second time it was brought up that this long distance wasnā€™t going to work out. When weā€™re together itā€™s good but when we go back to just seeing each other through a screen itā€™s hard. Part of me is like maybe this long distance isnā€™t going to work especially because itā€™ll be for 3 years but the other part of me wants it to work out. He has a hard time expressing his feelings and emotions which is also something weā€™ve been trying to work on. When I went to visit him the second time I found out that he was flirting with other girls through Snapchat. His reasoning was that they were close and it was different than messaging me who was a couple states away. He told me he didnā€™t meet up with them or anything and promised to never do it again and he deleted their profiles in front of me. Part of me is hurt but also he didnā€™t physically cheat on me. He then brings up the fact that his previous LDR ended around this time too so it was like time to end it. I was clearly upset and told him that maybe heā€™s right and that we should end it. So I guess we did break up but also part of me doesnā€™t want to. I just donā€™t know what to do. He seems fine with the fact that weā€™re done. I just wish things were different. I wish he could express how he feels about everything. I donā€™t want to reach out to him and ask to try again because I donā€™t want to seem desperate and realistically idk how often weā€™d actually be able to see each other. The last thing he told me was to have a great day and to get some rest before work which I replied with thanks and have a great day as well. I reached out again saying that I wanted to try but I was understanding if he didnā€™t and he was just like sorry I shouldnā€™t have texted you after our breakup if you need anything lmk. I just donā€™t know how to move on. I didnā€™t want it to end. Sorry this was really long I just needed to vent.
submitted by MirrorEast to LDR [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:03 Quick_Operation_4570 Ended a 4 y.o. relationship

Don't come after me for my lingual mistakes, English isn't my mother language.
We started dating back in January 2019. He became my everything. My happiness, joy, euphoria... I was dealing with a lot of shit at home and tried to kms sometimes, and each time he tried to stop me and listened to me cry for days and weeks and months. At that time, I hadn't gotten my diagnosis, yet. I went to several therapy and one place even gave me a prescription for bipolar disorder, a mood stabilizer. At the same time, the tension between my parents and i reached another level of hatred and spite. I got kicked out of the house. I had/have no close friends. So I called him and took to the subway. I was so numb, I felt nothing and at the same time, I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I stayed at his place for a while. And then moved to two other places until we finally decided to move in together. Better said, I moved into his apartment.
A little background: Keep in mind, that my parents behaviour was due to their religious and cultural background. I fked myself by trusting and telling my parents about my relationship with him. From that moment on, my father called me "carcinogen", "misery and shame bringer". My mother called me a whore, a prostitute... They blamed me for everything. Even if it was about their marriage, they blamed me. My mom told me always that I hated her, ever sense I was a newborn baby, cause I cried a lot and didn't let her go to gathering and enjoy her time. She kept on pushing this idea into my head. She talked shit behind him, which made me feel tormented. Because, whenever I met his mother, she treated me with so much respect. She treated him with so much love and acceptance. For example: he visited us once and it was already very late for him to leave, it was around 12 pm and my mom said in mocking tone: when will he leave? Does he think that this place is his dad's house? When I tried to tell him that he should leave, my mom insisted that he should stay. She fucked me up! She still behaves like a snake. I never felt any sort of emotional connection to her due to her behaviour. Long story short, when they kicked me out, they blamed me. They said, you always wanted to be independent so you left us on your own. We did. Nothing wrong. One night, I sat in my room and thought about my mom and his mom's behaviour. About how he was blessed with a mom who loves him unconditionally. I felt such a pain that I started cutting myself with a sharp object. I cried and cried. Called my friends and aunts and said goodbye. One of my friends called the police on me and they nearly broke the door on me. It was the first lowest point of my life. My therapist said she couldn't help me anymore.
Fast forward, when I moved into his apartment, I decided to get engaged to him to shut my parents up. They were always nagging about what people would think of an illegitimate relationship. That I would bring Shame upon the family. And that I would tarnish their reputation. I talked to him and his mom. He accepted it and his mom gave us her blessings. We went with The rituals. I wish I hadn't done it. From that day one, his behaviour changed, totally. He started doubting me. He said, he felt like he was raped mentally, because he didn't get engaged on his own terms but he did it for me and parents sake. He went through a hot-cold phase, couldn't handle simple criticism, didn't respect my boundaries... I was going through shit because of the trauma I was/am dealing with. I felt deep emptiness and loneliness. I longed for the love that I didn't receive from my parents. No amount of sex, kisses, hugs, gifts... Nothing can fulfill that hole inside my heart. He got tired of my sickness. My behaviour. My self harming. My anger and crying spells. Our relationship got cold. I was physically unable to have sex because I couldn't enjoy it and it hurt my body. I couldn't initiate physical contact. I loved him but I wasn't attracted to him anymore, partially because he kept on breaking my boundaries. He triggered me. I have a habit of biting my nails when I am stressed and I begged him so many time to stop biting his nail at least around me, cause I am trying to get rid of his habit. But as he likes to say: he forgot. His priorities are different. He had so many bad habits that went against my choices and morals. I felt distanced from him. Was he showing his true colours, now that I was in vulnerable position? Eventually, one night, he told me that he sees me as someone who has stolen his freedom because he can't date other women, have sex with them, experience all those things young people do. Tbh, I had that feeling for months. I fantasized about other guys. I don't know why this bothered me so much, now that he had told me his side of the story. But I rationalised it. I said to myself, hey this fair. You felt like this, so does he. The thing that broke me was that he told me that I wasn't good enough for him. That triggered me so much, I spiralled downward and failed an exam. I couldn't study. I couldn't sleep. I was so sick that I stabbed myself with a knife and was sent to a psychiatrist. There, I got my bps diagnosis. Started therapy, that my ex bf found for me. Each day, from the beginning of our relationship until two weeks ago, I apologised for my and my parents behaviour, for putting him under so much turmoil and stress. I felt shame and hatred towards myself. I hated myself so much that. I was truly toxic. I hurt myself physically, beat my pets, pulled my hair, had lost the track of time... I had turned into a corpse. He was my everything, I stood against my parents and sacrificed my comfort and happiness to be with him. His voice echoes in my head, you're not enoug, you're not good enough for me.
Time passed and I somehow managed to pass atleast one Moodle. One day, my ex and I fought over a boundary he had stepped over. He told me to talk to myself or someone. And upon doing so, I realised that I wasn't the only one who brought stress and conflict into this relationship. I wrote everything he had down and the boundaries he had broken and tike that he had disrespected... It was an eye opening moment. I realised that he used manipulation to make his mistakes appear harmless and funny. He stonewalled me each time I wanted to talk about serious problems. I tried to bring awareness but he wasn't listening. He used bod diagnosis against me and said that I'm being childish and over dramatic. He kept on insisting that I was lying to him. We had discussed this matter for two years and talked about respecting boundaries for four years. That was the moment, I had to make a choice and leave him. I no longer want to be responsible for his life choices. I long for a connection with him, but with each passing day, I realise that it won't work out. I can't get over his bad habits and he doesn't try to salivate this relationship. I told him to put a hiatus/ breakup and work on ourselves on our own. We will meet eachother later along to line and see, whether we will be compatible to eachother or not. At the mean time, he can date or sleep with anyone he wants as he desired freedom. I am thankful for the good things he brought to my life, but I can't ignore the bad ones for the sake of good ones. I wonder what will happen next.
Sorry for the long ass text. But tbh this is only a fraction of things that have happened to me.
submitted by Quick_Operation_4570 to BPD [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:02 Hour-Opportunity3048 Miquellaā€™s Sigil

I refuse to call this Miquellaā€™s Great Rune because he dropped that like it was hot. So, his Sigil, made in the image of his Great Rune (maybe).
Anywho, Iā€™m sure this has been said in one way or another but Iā€™m desperate for Elden Ring now more than ever.
So, taking a few glances at these images and with the whole twins have similar Great Runes, Iā€™ll tag on and say Rennala holds Miquellaā€™s Great Rune. This Unborn may be a silly twist of ideas that hints at one having been born but then, well, undoing that in some weird way.
Because of the vague timeline and ambiguity of the story we canā€™t know when Miquella divested himself of all things golden. Perhaps it was prior to the Night of Black Knives. I do imagine Rennala was in on the plot just as much as Ranni, Marika/Radagon, Miquella and whoever else. I also imagine that Rennala knew the truth of Marika/Radagon, while the Twin Prodigies may not be of her blood, they were still her children by marriage.
Radagon gave Rennala Miquellaā€™s rune for whatever purpose, bound to the egg to protect her from its effects. When he left, she knew what his part of the plot would be, he would eventually hold the Elden Beast trapped within the Erdtree until the means to kill it could come about.
Rennala would open way for Miquella to travel to the Lands Between, maybe even Marika. She would use the rune and mimics to make new bodies should such be needed upon any return.
And. Of course, she would practice and refine her body crafting with albinaurics. Thatā€™s why the 2ā€™s and blue eyed archers guard the Haligtree.
Or something. I lost my train of thought.
Gunch my puts now!
submitted by Hour-Opportunity3048 to EldenRingLoreTalk [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:02 Lopsided-Jicama8001 I need advice about girls

So Iā€™m 16M talking to this girl 16F in my grade, and. We kinda clicked but as friends I think, when we started talking it was once every few weeks and now itā€™s practically everyday, but when we started talking a week later she found a bf so I know she probably not into me but now they broke up and her texting became more frequent and kinda like more from her side I think, anyway I wanna know if there is a chance that she might like me or wants to find a rebound or just friendzone.. in the past she made it clear that Iā€™m in the friendzone and I donā€™t know if I still am or more than before, she calls me every few days or when I donā€™t come to school she is the only one who asks me why I didnā€™t come today, we joke a lot and have a great time talking, this is confusingā€¦ I donā€™t know what to do cause I do want her but donā€™t want to get hurt
By the way one time she called while I was drunk with my friends and come to find out I apparently I opened up to her about some stuff I had going with my life and she told me about her boyfriend and all thatā€¦ if this helps with anything cause since that day we became a frequently talking almost everyday
My mine question is how do I get out of the friendzone if (Idk if Iā€™m in) Iā€™m in the friendzone?
submitted by Lopsided-Jicama8001 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:02 calliumsgarden Im in love with a guy that i rejected 2 years ago..

Heyy! This is a very odd situation but i need help. About 2 years ago i met this guy on snap and we started snappin back n forth. I saw him sometimes outside with his friends but he never noticed me. I first thought he was kinda cute but i never really thought we would hit it off. One day tho i sent him a snap video of me just smiling and he said that i was so cute. Thatā€™s how we began talking. Everyday he would ask me how i slept and we would just talk about everything. He went thru some hard times and he always told me every detail about them with trust by sending like 1-2m voice notes. He was not the ā€wydā€ kind of guy because after a while we had been talking he wanted to take me on a date. And when i mean date i dont mean just any kind of teenage date. He rented a nice car and reserved a table on a high class restaurant. He was so excited about our date he sent me pictures of the reservation and the car. The thing is that back then i was still yearning for someone who had treated me so bad and never even took me out, he was nothing compared to this guy who made the reservations n stuff. So when he was willing to bet on something and do nice things back then i never really acknowledged it. Dont get me wrong i appreciated everything and i was fully into it and him during the time we talked but you know there was still a little yearn for my old thing that made me doubt.
Anyway the day of our date arrives and he is so excited about it and so i am. Unfortunately couple hours before he sends me a text that there is a problem with the car thing cause he cant rent it because hes under the age limit. To him it was really important to take me out by a car and take me home by a car. He apologized like 30 times and said heā€™ll take me out as soon as possible to try again. I was completely fine with it and nothing really changed between us. But then few weeks later our conversations become more and more dry and we dont send morning texts anymore:( He was very busy while i was starting to think more and more about my old situationship. I dont even know why because he is a another story that really did me dirty.
So days go by and i decide to just leave him on opened since the spark was gone. There is really no one to blame for it. I moved on with my life and few month later i even make a new account so there was really no way to communite.
Year and a half go by and i see him. He was waiting for someone and i was too. He was just standing in front of me looking at me. I dont know if he recognized me but i guess weā€™ll never know. I forgot all about it after my friend arrived.
Now a week ago I was just laying in bed and i started to think about him and i truly understood how much he actually cared about me maybe. I went on snap and I saw also his new account on my quick add. I quicky went on ig and searched for his username and he only had like 10-20 followers and followed back like 20 ppl. I thought that perhaps he was more lowkey nowdays. Anyway I add him on snap and 20 sec later he adds me back. I dont even know how but i immediately got butterflies and started to have hope. I didnt even have the time to say anything to him because like 5mins later he sends me ā€??ā€ in the chat. Now i still dont know if he recognized me cause my username is kinda odd and my name is just the first letter of my real name so yeah. I reply back with ā€I just wanted to add u igā€ I KNOW, what an odd thing to say. I was so pressured at the moment so i didnt have time to think about a greater or sneakier text. Well to my worst nightmare he opens it and UNADDS me. Im like what, what did i do. Well after pondering there may have been a chance that he has gf and thats why he unadded me but i dont know. After this i have been thinking about him all week recalling the early days we began talking and everything. I know that i fumbled a great guy but man i was so young back then. So yall tell me what to do, should i add him again or just pray that i see him again somewhere so i can go talk to him irl. My mind just circles around the mindset ā€Rejection over regretā€ but it would be hella embarrassing to add him again after he literally unadded me to maybe tell that he is not interested. I just want to let him know that i think about him and if there is ever a chance for us again i am down.
submitted by calliumsgarden to Crushes [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:02 DapperLee Am I Wrong to want my Brother-in-law removed from our family?

Okay, so for this post there are a lot of people involved (this has been going on for a while) so I'll list up here who's who. This is my wife's family. I'll be using code names when appropriate:
Father-in-law - FIL
Mother-in-law - MIL
Wife(oldest daughter) - Wife
Second daughter - Sarah
Third daughter - Lana
Fourth daughter - Ruth
Second daughter's husband - BIL
Third daughter's fiancee - Karl
My daughter - daughter
Second daughter's older son - Danny
Second daughter's younger son - Aaron
And me as me
I know this is long but bear with me TL;DR Brother-in-law has snapped the last straw for the family and we are all starting to cut ties with him
 BIL's family has their own side of the story that I'm barely familiar with, so it won't be brought up here. We first met BIL way before they got together; Sarah bought a house as a group of friends with her boyfriend at the time, and BIL and his second wife at the time. We didn't interact with him much. We just heard a few stories about him from their friend group. Eventually this situation broke down and BIL and his second wife left and vandalized Sarah's home on the way out. They let their dogs poop all over the floor, stole some miscellaneous items, poured water in their lawn mower gas tank, etc. He did this to Sarah, his future third wife. We thought this guy was out of our lives forever. Sarah eventually came to stay on my couch after she sold the house. She lived with me and my wife for roughly 3 months. Then she went and rented an apartment a few miles away. No sooner than a few weeks did we find out she was dating future BIL, and a few weeks after that we found she was pregnant. He met the family and stated that he wanted to be a part of it. He blamed all his past transgressions on his second wife. We questioned him at the time if he was still with his second wife. He said no, and that he was officially divorced. My wife looked up the public court records and found out that he didn't file divorce papers until 11 days after we asked that question. A small lie but considering our history of knowing him it was concerning. BIL is a big gun enthusiast. About 1 months after they told us Sarah was pregnant, while cleaning a gun at home he shot himself in the hand. Again, we were concerned but Sarah assured us he was a changed man and this was just an unfortunate accident. His hand healed but he didn't do his physical therapy that seriously so his hand is still kind of jacked up. I feel this is important because he kind of has a history of not following through on what he says. During Sarah's pregnancy we found out that BIL seriously beat one of their dogs back when they bought the house together. We also figured out he diagnosed himself with bipolar, but refused to go to a doctor to get an actual diagnosis. The whole family at the time was distracted by all of this because during Sarah's pregnancy my wife went through a major medical struggle that resulted in multiple surgeries and a months-long stay in the hospital. We were so focused on that the BIL details just kind of came and went at that moment. Sarah gave birth to Danny during COVID lockdown. We were so excited and we all were very active in Danny's life. Time would pass and we just kind of got used to BIL being despite the fact that he often would miss family events. BIL and Sarah would move into a house on my in-laws property just down the road from in-laws house. MIL became their primary caregiver as she could work it around her job and still make decent money. As 4 years have passed my MIL, FIL, Lana, my Wife and I all take shifts of watching their now 2 kids for them, for free. MIL also watches my daughter but significantly less that their son's. 2 years would pass after Danny was born and everything seemed OK. There would just be hints in they way he talked about who he really was. He would say something in casual conversation like "man, there seems like there are too many black people in commercials these days" or "I don't know why we are forcing women's sports to be a thing." Bigoted stuff like that, but veiled enough so there was plausible deniability. I would often call him out on it, so he really grew to not like me. This all changed at his 30th bday. He had a big party with a lot of alcohol and weed with dozens of friends. My wife and I didn't go because we are not party people. Lana and Ruth went to the party. Sarah was also there. During this party BIL went outside and decided to "mud" his jeep through the creek beside their house. This was possibly with Karl but I'm not sure of that to this day. Karl has recently come into the picture prior to this event and was previously friends with BIL for a long time. The jeep got stuck and flooded for obvious reasons. After trying to get it out of the creek by multiple means, they gave up and left it there. I believe it took almost 2 days to get it out. He went back to the party and as everyone got progressively drunk and high, my 2 sister-in-laws Lana and Ruth (I believe) criticized BIL for getting his car stuck in a creek while playing. BIL verbally assaulted them and demanded they get out of his house. They left in tears. They drove separately, and Lana had gotten buzzed so they both got in Ruth's car and drove to my house. They sat and vented to my wife and I for a while, and eventually I offered that we should go do something fun to take their minds off of it. My wife and I drove them to Taco Bell and we got some food and drove around town for a while and made jokes in the car. After they cooled off and were in a better mood they said that Lana needed to go get her car from the party. In a flurry she accidentally left her keys inside her sister's and BIL's house. We drove them over just in case anything sketchy happened but Lana and Ruth didn't want us to go inside, so we waited out in the car. She didn't think it would be a big deal to walk in, but as her and Ruth did BIL immediately got in her face and demanding she gets out or else. Ruth went to talk to someone else at the party and didn't notice this at first. BIL shoved Lana against a wall and held her there. Everyone apparently stood in stunned silence as this happened. He then shoved her to the ground, grabbed her around the ankles and started pulling her across the floor. As he was threatening to do even worse, Ruth ran up and jumped on his back and gave him a head lock. She screamed at him to stop but before BIL could anything about this everyone finally woke up and pulled them apart. Ruth helped Lana up and they ran out of the house onto the front porch sobbing. My wife saw this and got out of the car and yelled at them to get back in our car. We drove up to the in-laws house. By then it was past midnight. MIL was about an hour away working her job and FIL was up in his room asleep. The sisters went and woke him up and explained the situation through tears. They also called MIL to inform her of the situation. He got ready and ask me to go with him down to the house to get some answers. The sisters stayed up at the house. We drove down in his car and when we got out the entire party was ready for us and greeted us at the car. Literally over a dozen people, most of whom I did not recognize started screaming what happened at both of us simultaneously. Everyone was clearly very drunk. FIL looked overwhelmed, so I raised my hands and tried asking everyone to stop for a second and go one by one telling their bit of the story. BIL stopped me mid sentence and pointed his finger in my face. I noticed he had his other hand on a holstered hand gun. He yelled out "You don't have a say here! You're barely even part of this family." For context, I had been with my wife for over 11 years at that time and he hadn't even married Sarah yet and had been there about 2 1/2 years. FIL backed up and told me that I need to stop talking and that I was being a problem. I backed off and went over the yard to Sarah and Karl. I asked Sarah what happened and she told me that she didn't see what happened and that she wasn't very aware of what was going on now. Karl would barely answer the same question. I walked back over to FIL but he told me to back off and that I really wasn't needed there. Admittedly I felt pretty insulted and just decided to walk back to his house and get my car and go home with my wife. We eventually left after FIL came back to the house. We found out later that BIL had pulled his gun out and threatened to kill himself if FIL didn't leave. Out of fear of what he would do, my in-laws were pretty afraid to take action at this point. A lot of the situation was his word against someone else's and Sarah went on a tour around to the friends and convinced them not to take any of this to the police. She then tried to smooth things over with the family and offered that BIL would apologize to everyone. He then refused, stating that Ruth was the real aggressor and that she assaulted him. He eventually agreed to apologize to just FIL for causing a problem and I think some half-hearted apologies to Lana and Ruth. The whole situation was swept under the rug but an unease has existed over the family since then. He stopped coming to family events pretty much altogether. About 4 months after this situation, prior to my daughter being born, he told MIL he was going to bring Danny up to their house so she could watch him for a few hours while he took a nap. His job works long hours so this wasn't out of the ordinary. However, he didn't show up for a while and my MIL started questioning what going on. She called but there was no answer. She drove down to his house and knocked but there wasn't an answer, only Danny crying in the background. She let herself in and found BIL asleep on the couch with Danny actively trying to wake him up. MIL tried to wake him up but nothing for a few minutes. She gave up and wrote a note to let him know where Danny was. BIL didn't notice Danny was gone for 2 hours. He finally woke up, drove up to in-laws house, and yelled at my MIL for just taking Danny without informing him. He took Danny and then left. A few months after that, after my daughter was born, He fell asleep while watching Danny again. This time we found out because when he woke up the front door was open and Danny was gone. He called in-laws for help finding him. My in-laws have a large property (about 200 acres) with a ton of it forested. Danny wandered 1/4 of a mile into the woods and I believe it took roughly a little over an hour to find him. Family questioned him hard this time but he just recoiled back into their house and didn't talk to us much. Sarah continued to defend him and said it was just an accident. Again the police were not notified about any of this. There was always this idea that if we went to authorities about any of this they would just run for it. They would then surprise everyone with the news that they were pregnant again, despite the fact that Sarah had used the morning after pill. This whole time they hadn't married yet. They announced that they were getting married but Sarah told Lana that it was mostly just to help BIL not have to go through bankruptcy a second time. I wasn't sure if this would do anything to help that situation, but that's what Sarah said at one point leading up to the wedding. About a month before the wedding, however, he threatened Sarah that if she insisted on inviting my wife to the wedding he would demand to invite a friend of his that Sarah hated. This friend also used to date BIL I believe. This was his ploy to force Sarah to not invite my Wife or me. The 2 other sisters and MIL all stood in solidarity with us and said that they would also not go if we weren't invited. He eventually relented and they got married a little before Aaron was born. As more kids were added, MIL's childcare duties got much harder. Eventually my wife and I started paying her (not much but something at least. $150 a month) to watch our daughter, but we also did chores for her, bought her food often, and eventually my Wife started taking a few shifts to watch all 3 children. To date, BIL and Sarah have never compensated any of us for our work. It's a little frustrating but we've tried to understand because Sarah and BIL seem to be bad with money. They objectively make more than us yet can't afford to pay MIL anything. Last Thanksgiving, in the middle of dinner, Sarah and BIL decided to have an "intervention" and talk about how we were not treating BIL fairly. They addressed everybody but really honed in on me specifically. This seemed to be because the rest of the family kind of dance in eggshells around them, while to be frank I'm pretty honest about how I feel about them. They seemed to think I was causing the family to turn against him and questioned why I would do that. I told him he lacked humility. He said he didn't understand. I told him that if he admitted to his mistakes and actually apologized about any of the stuff I previously wrote, instead of blaming everyone and everything else then the whole family would feel a bit different about him. A lot of talk was about the 30th b-day and other times when I just ignored him and how he had already apologized about the party. I reminded him that he didn't apologize to most of the family and he blamed Ruth. He then stated that Ruth was the cause of a lot of the problems at that party. He also made a big deal about how the family doesn't trust him with my daughter and kept emphasizing how he has never held her. We finally tried to come to an agreement. I told him I would try to talk to him more and try to understand him better and he said he would try to come to family events more. He also wanted more of a relationship with my daughter. We left and my wife and I were skeptical but we said that if this is who Sarah really wanted to be with, as long as BIL wasn't perceived as a threat he could have more contact with our daughter. We have had way more of a relationship with his kids than he has had with our daughter so I tried to sympathize with that imbalance. Karl also stated later that having known BIL for a long time, he thought he was very sincere. To date, BIL has not asked or tried at any family events to spend any time with my daughter, despite having numerous opportunities. Now to the current situation. About a month ago Lana and Karl announced that Lana was pregnant. This was a revelation due to Lana having a medical condition that made it harder to get pregnant. A lot of excitement was brewing in the family because of this. Karl has been seeming like a good partner to Lana, and proposed to her a little before the pregnancy happened. This is especially pertinent because Lana and Karl moved into a house together right beside BIL and Sarah. A few days ago they were over at Sarah and BIL's house when an argument broke out between Sarah and BIL. BIL demanded that Sarah wasn't an "obedient enough wife" and that if she wanted there marriage to work then she was going to have to get better at serving him. She was upset and they weren't coming to an agreement so he was going to leave, but apparently he was very high so Sarah refused to give him the keys to his car. He got extremely mad and then got a gun, held it to his head, and threatened to kill himself if she didn't hand over the keys. Fortunately, Danny and Aaron were taking a nap during all of this. Sarah called the police during this whole exchange and the operator heard a lot of what BIL said over the phone so based on that they arrived at the house. He apparently drove away and it took the police a bit to find him but once they did he turned himself over. They admitted him to a mandatory 72-hour stay at a psychiatric ward for a mental health assessment. Sarah then came up to the rest of the family (not me or my Wife) and gave them Danny and Aaron. She then went and confided with Lana and Karl about how abusive BIL had been and how life was just miserable right now. A lot of us, especially Karl and my in-laws, were telling her that she needs to leave BIL and file for emergency custody of her children. She seemed to be listening to us and turning a corner, but inexplicably the psychiatric ward allowed BIL to have a phone call with Sarah and they had a long conversation. Suddenly, Sarah shut us all out and completely changed her story. She started defending BIL again. BIL was then let out of the psychiatric ward a day early. Since Karl was working at the time, Lana came to stay with us and then over at her in-laws. We are especially concerned about her safety around BIL due to her being pregnant. They have since cut nearly all contact with us for 4 days now. They have only told Karl that they were getting a new TV because the old one mysteriously broke somehow. They have continued to post on social media like nothing has happened. They have spent 2 days with BIL's family so we aren't sure what their opinion of this is, though we do know a sibling of his has also told Sarah to leave him prior to this latest situation. We don't know what their plans for childcare is because they are wholly reliant upon us. Lana is very reluctant to ever be home alone. Ruth is as well. There are so many other details I haven't mentioned. There have been holes in walls they've had to fix. There is some evidence that BIL is cheating on Sarah, but that evidence is somewhat inconclusive. The bigoted comments for a while now have gotten increasingly misogynistic. It's a lot of 'we need to respect proper gender roles' kind of stuff. There's just too much and I've already written a book on here. I don't really know what to do at this point. Because a lot of this stuff has been swept under the rug it's hard to tell how seriously CPS or police would take our claims. FIL has threatened to kick them out of their very cheap rental they're in now. Who knows what they would do in that scenario. I know this post is detailed and because of that BIL or Sarah might see it, but at this point I wonder if I even give a shit. They've already eluded to keeping their sons from us in the past and the vibes we are getting now is that they are already doing it. And from the bottom of my heart, fuck BIL. 
submitted by DapperLee to amiwrong [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:02 Xero_2469 AITA for getting annoyed at my boyfriend when he breaks down?

This is gonna be a long one, I apologise in advance.
Me and my bf has been together for 5 years and i love him dearly but ever since he got his job, he's always stressed out and gets annoyed, lashing out on me at times. I understand from his point of view as he starts work at 6 am until 4:30pm, could be later if he has overtime. His boss and seniors are trash, and his family aren't really lovingly involved in his life although he's the youngest. On the psychological factor, currently he's not diagnosed with anything but i do suspect he could have depression (i am a psychology student btw)
I get what he feels but sometimes i do not appreciate when he downgrades my own stress. Just because i don't work a full time, doesn't mean i don't feel any. I am in my 2nd year of uni, I just finished my final year project thesis part 1, i work a part time job, i have trainings and practices and assignments to catch up too. I rarely get a proper rest and i am not ok with the behaviour. If i do say something about it, he would be even more annoyed. I feel as though i need to be careful when with him.
The thing that stresses me out as well is that i have my own mental problems, struggling with depression and PTSD, taking medication and stopping them although im not supposed to, having a depression relapse and is somewhat suicidal. I am close to breaking down but i keep it because i can't afford too.
Usually communication is something we're good at but after starting the job, its a mess. I've tried to communicate but he just doesn't want to. He never wants to voice out anything because he keeps saying he's fine. Ive told him many times that i'd rather have him tell me whats wrong then letting it hurt him and me being oblivious.
For example, transportation. I can't drive and is broke so usually he drives me to my workplace and trainings. I do feel bad since i know he's tired from work but he insisted and argues with me when i tell him that i can manage on my own if needed. I told him i can call an uber or have a friend to help and even use the public transport but he just doesn't let me mainly because he said he doesnt trust me and he felt bad. I've told him multiple times that he can rest if wanted. Here's the thing, he complains quite often and is annoyed everytime he sees my schedules. He knows how busy i am and he really didn't need to send me everytime. I just do not appreciate being lashed out for something he insisted on and yes i have voiced this out but he's still hard headed...
He has told me that he doesn't like it when i don't spend much time with him or be "there for him" but it feels like im not enough atp. Everytime i want to spend time, he's always tired and he comes up to me at the wrong timings. Everytime. Either when im stressed out myself or was just medicated (back then). He knows my situation and how busy or stressed i am but it feels like he doesn't care and would use his own work stress and tiredness as excuses to reject me and such.
I don't know what to do. I know i major in psychology but i am struggling with my own shit as well and I don't think i can manage his together with mine. So everytime he breaks down, im not sure on how to even comfort him that at one point i got annoyed and so done with him. I also realised ive became a bit mean when comforting him and i just feel bad but i can't help it. We're already having plan of marriage so i want to fix it as much as possible before tying the knot.
That's it for now. Thank you if you had read it this far šŸ¤
submitted by Xero_2469 to AITA_Relationships [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:01 WrongStep6501 I (20M) can't cope with the breakup even after 1 Year

So I(20M) was in a relationship for 1 year with a girl(19F) since the 1st Year of our college. This was both of our first relationship and we both never really tried before and both are very ambitious about our careers. I approached her and I was very straightforward about it and we got in a relationship after 2 months of knowing each other but we spent quite a lot of time together. Everything went well for 1 year , we had a great time , she would at many times show her gratitude for me being in her life and I would feel the same. However, she had some issues adjusting to the college life as she was an introvert and didn't had any friends in college, she also didn't like to hang out much and mostly focused on her studies, I was the only one she would spend time in college and even I had to convenience her to go out and do things because she never made any plans, but I can say for sure that she really liked going out every time with me.
There were many times that she would get upset over little things or rude over things that wasn't even my fault , like weather, exam stress etc. I never really made a big issue out of it and thought that she is just having trouble adjusting in college. I ALWAYS apologised when she would get upset because I considered here to be really emotional person , and even though her reasons for being upset were not very logical many times I thought she must be feeling a lot of things emotionally and if I apologise she'll feel heard and she'll feel better. This turned out to be big mistake , because after this apology she would mostly be upset for around a day and after that everything used to get normal and she would act normal again, because I was so in love with her, seeing her smile after the argument and hugging her after the separation of 1 day used to make my heart melt and I would she things like "Thank you for being so understanding" , I never really cared about ego or anything, to me she was very special , she was really Innocent and unique. Like I understood that this is her first relationship and she obviously doesn't understand how to react to these situations and acts out of emotions and since I can understand that it's just emotions I should be the understanding one. You can say this was the only issue in our relationship, we had no major issues and really was quite a fit for each other.
Now in our 3rd semester almost 1 year of being in a relationship, there was an argument between us, not even an argument, it was just me ranting for 1.5-2 Minutes, according to her this was the first time someone treated her this way, this is the start of all the troubles of my life, all I did was - I was waiting for 2.5 hours for her to complete a meet that she said would end in 15 minutes when it ended she was going forgetting that I was waiting for her, in the heat of the moment I said "it was a stupid meet and these people (the college club that held the meet) just keeps wasting our time" obviously in a very mocking tone and with anger, however, I controlled my anger and cracked a joke, and just still mocked the club with one two more lines. I promise I remember that day exactly that I even said this to her that I know it's not your fault even though you didn't know that it would take that long and I said nothing after that, NOT EVEN A SINGLE THING TO HER, according to her this was the first time I was angry on her and talked to her in this tone. She went completely silent as I was talking ( and this is a pattern , everytime she gets angry she would do this) and the thing is before this time , every time she went silent I would shut up and let her be , and she used to create this stressful and toxic environment where she would just don't talk to me at all and if she talks she'll be really rude and this time too I PREDICTED this but what was different this time was I WAS ALREADY FRUSTRATED, I was sick that day, I was not doing well adjusting to the new Semester and college myself , one of my biggest personal projects had Just Failed ( I dropped a year because of this project) and so I just didn't had the energy to let her go to hostel angry like this , so that it doesn't waste my 2 more days, I had no space for more stress in my life at that time. So I requested her to speak and she stayed silent, and I requested more and it just got really bad I kept asking her to speak and requesting her to speak and she was just silent like always, I knew I was angry it felt really wrong but I was frustrated with that behaviour , but she went back to hostel like that. After few hours I texted her apologising and explaining that I was really frustrated and stressed.
Next Morning I sent more messages In a lighter tone, cracked a joke but she replied very rudely, I called her and she didn't pick and I got really anxious and she didn't pick any call. I waited , apologised, cracked few jokes and said that this won't happen again because I won't really be that low in my life again , I would like always understand and can you understand too and she just replied "I am done being so understanding" I was shocked, and she started saying things like "I don't have feelings for you anymore" , She used things from my rant of last night "You don't even like the people I work with" and so many things , I just kept panicking and I went to her hostel and texted her that I am really sorry but we need to talk in person, that she is just really angry and that I would listen to anything she has to say, but she didn't say anything and didn't came down.
Then she wrote a day after that She would talk to me in a few days, meanwhile, we continued to see each other in class and she would just act so distant like she didn't even know me. This hurt me a lot (In retrospect I think I was also very naive to be so hurt and emotional) but I tried to talk to her again and she didn't even look at me, a few days later she invited me to talk to her in front of her hostel. She just said that She needs a one-month NO CONTACT break and that she needs some space, I reluctantly agreed because I wanted to talk to her first but she didn't want me to. I said that it would be really difficult since we see each other every day and we need to resolve things first but she was adamant. She said doesn't even want a single text from me. I agreed but I was really angry, this was very Irrational in my opinion and I just knew things ended at that point. I didn't text her or call her, though in the next seven days, I made the mistake of looking at her in class two or three times, to which she texted me that I should stop staring at her and that made her uncomfortable, this made me even angrier, this was the first time I stopped apologising after the fight and said that this isn't practical that we act as complete stranger and that I also really hurting from all this.
In a matter of one week she changed a lot , started giving all the details to her male best friend and also started acting very extrovert, she started joining events, late night walk with friends ( she never did this while we were in relationship , she used to get a call from her mother at 10 PM and she would always go back to hostel) , she started going out a lot and so much more , all in a matter of a week. All of this made me lose my patience and through a common friend I tried to find out what was going in her mind, after 8 days since she announced BREAK , she told that friend that she is going to breakup with me at the end of one month, that really made me angry because 8 days had been really tough on me and I just couldn't take anymore, I was fearful of going that if I see her and stare her for too long then she will get another point to breakup with me, this was breaking me. 4 days after this I went in front of her when she was returning from a party with her friends that Included our common friend and I stopped her and asked her to just talk to me and say what she wants to, she argued , she blamed me , and then she started crying and I just couldn't she her cry like that , and I just didn't want to be the bad guy in her life , I didn't want to be reason she is so sad, and I agreed to her breaking up with me. We walked for hours after that and I explained in every possible way that there must be some misunderstanding but she was so adamant, she said a lot of hurtful things in a calm way, but I just kept it all together because I didn't want to hurt her and made her feel like she was right.
we decided to keep talking and I was as nice as I could be , but she was rude at times, and she started talking about our breaking , saying that she is "Single" now to her friends, and she was never even so outgoing or extrovert to reveal things so fast. She would at times be really rude to me that I should be grateful that she is still talking to me, so one day I just released it all, all the pain and anger, told her that she was wrong in breaking up and the way she did it was cruel. we stopped talking.
Later on she agreed that she should not have asked for break, that her actions and behavior hurt me and so on but still she would act really rude just a day after saying these things and surprisingly the innocent and kind person that I thought her to be said to me that it's her choice who she dates, and "You can't stop me from moving on" that's my choice and she said to me because I was shocked that "You don't understand these things , there are many things like moving-on & REBOUNDS" , ( this is 2 weeks after the breakup), this is the day I lost all trust in her and to be honest all my respect for her, from this day on all my arguments with her was to get some closure I just wanted to understand, why would she do it, she never gave me closure.
there were many times after that when she was very nice and apologized for everything, said that I am someone really important in her life but she can't be in a relationship because she is not ready now but soon after that she would argue with me and act rude, I was not very nice too, after I lost all trust I was always really anxious, I used to feel very good when she would understand me and understand my situation so I would forget everything but soon after that she would just act really rude and distant, the text messages all of it was just a nightmare, waiting for her to reply.
I never felt this broken in my life, I used to be really ambitious and confident, and during all these traumatic events I considered ending it all many times because with the relationship everything else went downhill too, my acads, career, health. I even started smoking (which feels so stupid, people thing it was because of her but it was just at this point I lost all hope from life because I messed up so much).
It's been a year almost (8-9 months ) since our breakup but I still can't get over what happened, I still can't look at her in class, all I want to know is that Did I really deserve this? Was I really wrong for bothering her after the breakup for closure, in my opinion, I did "bother" her many times after the breakup for some closure, everytime she would either agree to everything I said or present something like we can keep talking or something like that, or sometimes just say she doesn't have the answer but never really gave me any closure.
She said that I am old fashioned and not "modern" to be still hung up on her and not moving on , I don't know if she is right or not because I have always been insecure about this, because I grew up in a small town in very backward state so maybe she is right I am too orthodox, and maybe she is right that that day I didn't treat her well and that's why breaking up was right but I don't know anymore. Am I even right in hating her for doing this or I am one of those guys who just curses their ex after a breakup, I am really just toxic and narcissistic, I just need validation of either of my theory just tell me what I should believe because I don't know anymore, I have been overthinking this for many nights, I have read so many Psychological blogs and seen many videos, what am I ? A toxic , narcissistic Red flag and she was right in just leaving me one day.
To all the modern people her, it's just normal for a girl to just leave you one day because you had a heated argument? They can end everything and hence you lose all "right" to be around them ? to ask them to talk to you ? or to resolve issues. isn't this a torture? I felt it to be torturous and I felt the urge to end it all because it came from someone who I admired a lot, who I adored, cared about her more than anything.
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't see her with anyone else in campus because I still feel that it's unresolved, I don't want to hate her but I don't know what I can do
submitted by WrongStep6501 to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:01 ikieneng My fanfiction - episode 4!

My fanfiction - episode 4!
The next part is here! This episode is so long that I had to split it, and today, you're finally getting part 3 of 3.
You can find the previous episodes in the side bar! (Community info page in the app)
DISCLAIMERS (the same ones as before)
The point of this fanfiction is not to be a straight-up continuation of events with the same themes, intensity, and tone. If you go into it with those expectations, you are probably not going to like it. Rather, itā€™s supposed to be how I wish things went if these events were real life. The resolution you want for a real-life situation isnā€™t often the right choice for a show, but it can be incredibly beautiful. Think of what youā€™re about to read to be a separate show then.
Episode 1 of this fanfiction begins after the episode ā€œ2:00ā€ (season 2 episode 4), so it replaces the episode ā€œCakeā€ and the ones that follow it. This fanfiction expects you to have seen the entirety of seasons 1 and 2, so you should watch those first.
I myself am bursting into the story here. The narrator and me are the same. While my character is like 95% real me, donā€™t take events about my life described here as facts. Some aspects of my life have been changed for the story. In my head, I started writing like an ā€œalternate meā€ character in 2016, fulfilling a lot of the things that I wish I had in life, adding that to my story. Iā€™m not really from Ukraine. I speak fluent Ukrainian as a foreign language, I started learning it in 2014, and Iā€™ve talked to tons of people from there, but Iā€™m not from Ukraine. I also donā€™t have as much money as I do in the story. I wish lmao.
If you want to post your own fanfiction, feel free to do so! To get your own post flair for your fanfic, and to appear in the side bar, please message me.

Part 3 (days 3 and 4)

Weā€™d wake up on day three, and still, nothing would be any different - weā€™re still locked up. Weā€™d both feel really worried not knowing if weā€™ll have to forfeit our whole plan because we might run out of food and water and take the risky route - calling the police and getting ourselves into a situation where weā€™d have to be freed by force, which would be so dangerous because the Turners have proven that thereā€™s nothing theyā€™re not prepared to do to us to ā€œget Jericho backā€. Leanne would ask me ā€œWhat do we do if we call the police, and Mrs. Turner comes up here and tries to hurt us?ā€ At first, Iā€™d insist that we start thinking about that when we do run out of food the next day, but sheā€™d insist we should come up with a plan. Iā€™d point at the corner on the edge of the attic facing Spruce Street, the corner thatā€™s to oneā€™s right when coming up into the attic,
https://preview.redd.it/knoz0zwpou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=bd1694f292bb546ea45339ebecea7ffacfe33541
and say ā€œThen youā€™d curl up and hide over there, and Iā€™d take the radio, youā€™d take the metronome, and Iā€™d sit down in front of you, shielding you, and if she gets in here before the cops do, weā€™ll defend ourselves. And weā€™d record everything on my phone. And we should probably hide behind the sofa. Maybe then, she might not notice weā€™re still up here at first. Sheā€™d probably be in a state of panic.ā€ Sheā€™d look at me with sad, but touched eyes and just hug me and say thank you. Iā€™d reply ā€œOf courseā€. After some silence, Iā€™d tell her ā€œIf anything happens to meā€¦ Please bring me backā€.

Sheā€™d be touched by that, but say that if she reanimates me, the Church of Lesser Saints will come after ME as well because theyā€™ll believe that Iā€™ll be obligated to join. With a worried smile, Iā€™d say ā€œI know... But theyā€™re probably already gonna do that, right? Because I wonā€™t let them get to you!ā€ Weā€™d both nod with the same half-happy, half-worried expression. ā€œAnd if things go terribly wrong and you have to bring me back, we can try again!ā€

Iā€™d ask if Iā€™m getting it right that the ā€œgreat sinsā€ they think sheā€™s committing are not spending time with the Church and helping another family from the one that was assigned to her. Sheā€™d say yes and add that thereā€™s a lot more they hate her for, like her ā€œdisobedient and rebellious streakā€, disobeying their instructions, putting curses on people, and now, leaving the Marinos.
https://preview.redd.it/4obn4r9uou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1e77adafbde221c320999ba1169adb0a1c6b2b17
After a few seconds of silence (out of shock that this is how the Church of Lesser Saints frames it), Iā€™d be like ā€œIf you disobey so many of their instructions, then...ā€, look her directly in the eyes, and go ā€œGood! Keep on disobeying them! Iā€™m actually kind of stunned that this is how they frame your actions, because that is so manipulative. Wanting to have a life where you donā€™t have to worry about your every step being watched and controlled, where you can actually freely explore what you believe ā€“ not what they tell you to believe, but what YOU believe, where you can do totally normal human things like listen to music, and where you can go wherever you want and make some basic decisions for yourself and work wherever you want, that doesnā€™t make you...ā€ (doing the ā€œquote-on-quoteā€ with my hands while I say it) ā€œquote-on-quote ā€˜disobedientā€™ or ā€˜rebelliousā€™, it makes you a normal human being. If they forbid every little thing that people do that makes you happy, if you then look for happiness elsewhere, thatā€™s on them. You canā€™t take every bit of joy away from people and then expect them to just deal with it. You wanting to run away, thatā€™s the logical result of their bullshit. And you didnā€™t ā€˜leaveā€™ the Marinos, you were taken. Donā€™t let them think youā€™re at fault in any way!ā€ She might have never heard any verbal confirmation before that her feelings about leaving are valid, and this would be so reassuring to her. Sheā€™d tell me that whenever she did things like not be there for meals at the Church, skip assemblies, or curse people without permission, she would be brought before May and the rest of the community, get questioned about her behavior, and sheā€™d have to self-flagellate to receive forgiveness.
https://preview.redd.it/roex7c20pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=32cecf94a41a97e66b1c74967cb074ca89321777
Iā€™d go really still and quiet when she mentions the self-flagellation, which sheā€™d then explain is a frequent punishment. That would freaking break my heart... Iā€™d ask her when was the last time she hurt herself, and it was a little less than two weeks ago, before she was forced to leave the Turners. Very carefully and quietly, Iā€™d ask her if it would be okay if she can show me her scars and add ā€œYou do NOT have to if youā€™re not comfortable, PLEASE donā€™t do it if youā€™re notā€, and after a second, sheā€™d nod and show me her back. My heart would break for her even more seeing her scars, Iā€™d just express how horrible it is that they made her do thatā€¦ Iā€™d show her some of my cut wounds from when I self-harmed, which I hadnā€™t done in like three and a half years at that point. Iā€™d want her to know that way that I get the urge, that I really do, but Iā€™d tell her that hurting oneself achieves nothing. All it does is make you feel horrible mentally and physically, and every time you do it, thereā€™s a risk of infection and even death. Iā€™d just tell her I understand while taking her in my arms. Iā€™d ask her to please look me in the eyes and tell me she wonā€™t hurt herself again, and that when she feels like doing it again, to please talk to me first. Sheā€™d quietly say ā€œI promiseā€ while looking me in the eyes, and after some longer embraces, weā€™d both smile a bit, that would make me really happy to hear! Iā€™d ask that when weā€™re out of here, if we can call a doctor sometime soon and get them to look at her scars to make sure none of them are infected, if sheā€™s comfortable enough, and sheā€™d nod and smile at me a little bit some more.

Weā€™d eat after that. Weā€™d run out of tomato soup that meal, and Iā€™d tell her that when weā€™re getting out of there, Iā€™d get her all the tomato soup in the world! ā€œWeā€™re gonna fill a whole hotel fridge with tomato soup!ā€ ā€œAnd with Ben & Jerryā€™s?ā€, sheā€™d ask, and Iā€™d say yes and say that weā€™re probably gonna need more than one fridge. Iā€™d say weā€™re gonna pick the nicest and most expensive hotel to stay at, an idea that sheā€™d love! ā€œYou still think Allentown is a good idea?ā€, Iā€™d ask her, and sheā€™d think my reasoning from the day before makes sense and say yes. Weā€™d look for the nicest hotel in Allentown online and see that there are ā€œonlyā€ three-star hotels in Allentown. Leanne would ask if getting such an expensive place to stay is really okay, and Iā€™d say ā€œMoney is not an issue, donā€™t worry about itā€ while reaching across her back and like caressing her right shoulder, looking her in the eyes, and smiling. ā€œAnd besides, letā€™s spoil you, you fucking deserve it after all this!ā€ We wouldnā€™t book anything yet because we wouldnā€™t know when we can get out of there yet, but looking at all those insanely nice hotels would lift our spirits a bit.

After eating the first half of that dayā€™s rations (only two half dayā€™s rations would be left after thatā€¦), weā€™d think that it would probably be a good idea if we started writing the document for the police right now. Writing it can take hours upon hours, and thereā€™s no point in delaying the rescue to write the document after I leave if we can do it right now, so weā€™d begin right that moment. It would begin something like ā€œMy name is Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999 in Odesa, Ukraine, residing in 501 Pembroke Ave, Philadelphia 19050, Pennsylvania...ā€ (I donā€™t live there. I have no idea who does. Please leave them alone lmao) ā€œ...I sent this statement to my Facebook friend Liam [...] (residing in Tipperary, Ireland, using Facebook as Liam [...]) as a PDF file and told him to call the Philadelphia police and read this statement to them if I donā€™t come back online and confirm that Iā€™m okay by 10 PM Philadelphia time / 3 PM London, UK time on December 22, 2022. If he is reading this to you, it probably means that there was no sign of life from me by that time, and that Iā€™m not safe, probably kidnapped and locked up by Dorothy Turner, Sean Turner, Julian (Iā€™m not sure about his surname, but Iā€™m referring to Dorothy Turnerā€™s brother - redhead, not very tall, moderately overweight) in the attic of their residence at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvaniaā€, and then document everything Iā€™ve seen in chronological order and everything that Leanne has told me, with a link to our video and photographic evidence, references to DNA evidence that can probably be found in the hole in the basement if they havenā€™t covered it up by now, and a statement at the end saying that Iā€™ve written it together with Leanne to make sure that everything is correct. That would take a really long time, hours for sure. But when itā€™s done, Iā€™d run spell- and grammar checks on it and send it to my printer at home, to be queued for printing when I get home and turn it on. Weā€™d also know that today (December 21) or tomorrow will be the day when we leave one way or another, so Iā€™d schedule a text message to 911 in 30 hours from that moment. The message would say ā€œThis is a scheduled message. If youā€™ve received it, then Leanne Grayson (born October 13, 2001)...ā€ (We only ever learn Leanneā€™s birth year from the gravestone. October 13 is Nell Tiger Freeā€™s birthday, so October 13, 2001 being Leanneā€™s birthday is kind of my headcanon)
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ā€œ...and me (Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999) are probably not safe, abducted and locked up against our will by Dorothy Turner, her brother Julian, and Sean Turner in the attic of their house at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvania or somewhere else on the property. We need help immediately. The Turners should be considered dangerous and very clearly willing to use violence and intimidation. We need help NOW. Details in our prepared statement: [the link]ā€. Because weā€™re holding out hope that we wonā€™t have to call the police from inside the attic, the document would include information on what our plan is to get Leanne (and me) out of there as safely as possible and call the police from the taxi, but that if we run out of rations, we wonā€™t have a choice but to call the police while weā€™re unarmed and while the Turners still have the upper hand.

We would debate whether we should include information about the Church of Lesser Saints right away or tell the police about them later because we know how that sounds, considering that this would hurt the credibility of our testimony,
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but weā€™d modify the document and include the most important information about them as well, with more believable explanations - how they forced Leanne and other members to self-harm (meaning that current members or those who recently left), where theyā€™re currently operating from in Lancaster,
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that they faked their deaths, that they forced Leanne to leave the Turners, and the necessary lie that they took the real baby, and that Leanne hasnā€™t seen it since that day and doesnā€™t know where theyā€™ve taken it. Weā€™d also include names and stuff, and most importantly, reference the baptism tape and say that it shows May and George watching us from the sidewalk outside the church less than three weeks ago, and that piece of evidence would change everything in regards to investigating the Church of Lesser Saints and make the police believe us. Weā€™d add that itā€™s probably among the other DVDs in the Turnersā€™ living room, and that Iā€™ll try to get it when leaving the building if our original plan is still going to be an option, rip the DVD at home, and add a link to the video file to the document. Weā€™d modify the scheduled text message as well, and weā€™d charge both phones, mine first because the scheduled message is so important, but itā€™s an iPhone, so we could charge it to 100% rather quickly and then charge hers. And weā€™d add that weā€™d want the police to get Leanneā€™s things from the Marino estate. All her stuff being there would be further evidence that she was taken suddenly and against her will. Weā€™d also add what number Leanne can be reached at for now with the Samsung Galaxy phone. And then, Iā€™d send the document to Liam on all platforms where I know how to reach him, followed by a message to alert the authorities if Iā€™m not back online confirming that weā€™re both okay in whatā€™s now probably more like 29 hours, the phone number of the Philadelphia police, and caps at the beginning saying that itā€™s an actual emergency.

Out of nowhere, Iā€™d ask her if sheā€™s seen ā€œTitanicā€ lmao, and with her near total isolation growing up, she wouldnā€™t have seen it. ā€œIā€™ve only seen movies on TVā€. Iā€™d be like ā€œI can show you lots of movies if you want! I got several subscriptions to streaming services, and also a bunch of stuff offline on an external drive at home.ā€
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Back on talking about ā€œTitanicā€, Iā€™d tell her itā€™s wonderful and so freaking romantic, albeit over-the-top at times for sure and a bit overrated. It has that glossy feeling and some superficial characters to it that all James Cameron movies have, but itā€™s still really wonderful. After explaining the plot to her (since sheā€™s grown up so isolated), Iā€™d tell her about one scene that Iā€™m thinking about a lot from time to time - near the end of the movie, when old Rose is done telling the researchers her story, she says that she doesnā€™t even have a picture of Jack, and that has hit me so hard from the first time Iā€™ve seen the movie.
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She has no physical memories of him, she can never see his face again, and she can never show people what he looked like. That just rips my heart. Iā€™d ask Leanne if we can take some pictures together. Weā€™d look pretty horrible because we havenā€™t been able to shower in days, but we wouldnā€™t care and take them anyway and really, genuinely smile so hard. Iā€™d send them to her email address (leanne_grayson@icloud.com, that email address is on her resume in the show),
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manually sync my gallery with iCloud, and Iā€™d send them to Liam. Iā€™d ask what phone she got back at the Marinosā€™ and if sheā€™s got any pictures of herself in her iCloud gallery, but sheā€™d tell me sheā€™s rarely ever taken pictures of herself, only for the resume she applied at the Turnersā€™ for, and Iā€™d be like ā€œWhaaaaat? But youā€™re so beautiful!ā€, and sheā€™d smile hard, a bit embarrassed. Iā€™d look her straight in the eyes and say it again and say that I mean it for real, she is so incredibly beautiful! Itā€™s probably so rare that anyoneā€™s ever said that to her in her entire life (her mother definitely didnā€™t, and given that the Church of Lesser Saints believes that anything that feels good is dangerous,
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itā€™s rather unlikely that they did), Tobe saying it in ā€œBalloonā€ might even have been the only time everā€¦
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Iā€™d then add ā€œInside AND out!ā€, and sheā€™d smile some more in a bit of embarrassment and then look me in the eyes and say ā€œYou, too, Daria!ā€, and as youā€™d expect, Iā€™d smile so hard and even with my eyes!

It would be rather late by then, so weā€™d eat and listen to some more music together from the Spotify playlist I created for her and talk so much about what weā€™re hearing.

After dinner, sheā€™d bring the topic up on her own (this is kind of making fun of these fan theories) - sheā€™d tell me that some in the Church of Lesser Saints think sheā€™s the Devil or Lilith because of her rebelliousness, and how sheā€™s inspired doubt in some people in the Church. Iā€™d make such a weirded-out face. After realizing sheā€™s serious, Iā€™d say ā€œIf you are the Devil, then hail Satan! Like, seriously, if YOU are what God is threatening will happen if we donā€™t follow him, then thatā€™s literally the weakest threat Iā€™ve ever heard of. Then God is the villain here. We need more people like you in the world!ā€ Shy as she still is, sheā€™d still be almost embarrassed to hear this (sheā€™s so not used to compliments), and Iā€™d make it clear Iā€™m serious, that I really think sheā€™s fricking wonderful and the sweetest, and that she clearly has a huge heart full of so much love, and that she deserves so much better than what sheā€™s ever experienced! Almost in denial, sheā€™d see in my eyes that I really mean it and just smile and hug me, and then, weā€™d both smile even more! Iā€™d rub her back a lot in that moment and promise her again that everything will be okay. ā€œIā€™ll make sure of that!ā€

After some more music together, knowing that tomorrow will be the day we leave, no matter which plan weā€™ll go with, weā€™d make sure we havenā€™t forgotten anything. Looking around, Iā€™d realize I have to give her my earphones with a cord because the internal mic of my Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini is essentially useless. Iā€™d tell her that when I call her the next day to tell her itā€™s safe to come downstairs now, she should answer the call, plug in the earphones, and then, it will take a few seconds until I can hear her, but then, it should be fine. Weā€™d set a code phrase that Iā€™ll mention to let her know if the Turners got me and itā€™s NOT safe to come down. Sheā€™d suggest ā€œtomato soupā€, and Iā€™d smile and say yes, thatā€™s gonna be our code phrase. ā€œAnd if it IS safe to come down?ā€, sheā€™d ask, and Iā€™d suggest ā€œice creamā€.

Iā€™d realize that we should probably find her fresh clothes in the attic and a coat right now, so as I said, itā€™s not too obvious that sheā€™s been locked up for a long time the second she walks out of the door, because if sheā€™s in dirty clothes or nightwear, with it being obvious that she hasnā€™t showered in days, and I get her out of there and into a taxi to drive off while I got a gun, it would look as if I was kidnapping her, so weā€™d find her a nice dress and coat up there, and Iā€™d turn around and close my eyes while she puts it on, and when sheā€™s done, Iā€™d tell her again that she looks amazing! šŸ˜Š
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And sheā€™d smile and thank me this time, sort of the way she says it to the makeup artist at the street fair in S3E5 ā€œTigerā€ in that typical way of hers thatā€™s so adorable for real,
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and sheā€™d look in my direction and say ā€œYou look really beautiful, too!ā€, really shy, before peeking me in the eyes for a moment, and weā€™d just look at each other for a moment. ā€œCan I have your pictures?ā€, sheā€™d ask me, and Iā€™d say yeah, open my iPhone, and select ALL pictures of myself in my gallery and send them to her email address, and send her those that are too large via a Google Drive link (iCloud isnā€™t great for sharing files lol), and then, Iā€™d take her Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini, download them all (which would take a while because that phone is ancient), and set one of the pictures weā€™ve taken together as her wallpaper, and then set it as my wallpaper on my iPhone as well! šŸ˜Š

Weā€™d consider if thereā€™s anything else weā€™ve missed. Sheā€™d mention that parts of the floor screech, especially one tile, so when I sneak out, I gotta be careful on the stairs, especially with that one tile.
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After a few seconds, sheā€™d ask me if we wanna book a hotel now, and Iā€™d smile and say sure! ā€œDid you like any hotels in particular, out of the ones we looked at?ā€ Sheā€™d say ā€œThe one with the big jacuzzi looks greatā€ with big eyes and enthusiasm in her voice, like she does during some of her conversations with Tobe in S3E5 ā€œTigerā€. ā€œYouā€™ve ever been in a jacuzzi?ā€, Iā€™d ask her, and sheā€™d go ā€œNooo, but I wanna try!ā€ in the same tone,
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and so, after lying down now, weā€™d look up which hotel she was talking about and book a two-room suite in that hotel in Allentown for three weeks. Iā€™d add ā€œSo we can easily look out for each other, and so youā€™ll also have some privacy.ā€, and sheā€™d smile and nod, that consideration would probably mean a lot to her.

Weā€™d then get ready for bed. For the next day, Iā€™d get some better clothes as well and put them on while sheā€™s turned around with her eyes closed. Iā€™d take the last ration of food out of my backpack, put the clothes I just took off at the bottom of it, above Leanneā€™s Bible (the porcelain baby and card are already in one of the other pockets), and put my phone and the chargers in another pocket. Iā€™d look around and ask her if thereā€™s anything else I should take with me to safeguard, and at first, sheā€™d also look around because she wouldnā€™t know how to answer right away, but sheā€™d then point at Mrs. Barrington with her face,
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and Iā€™d be like ā€œWell, I think sheā€™s a little too big for my backpack, but I can talk to the police when weā€™re out of here, maybe we can try to get her!ā€, and Leanne would nod with a big smile again.

Weā€™d lie down on the mattress and share the covers again. Just like the night before, Iā€™d lie down on the side of the mattress thatā€™s closer to the stairs, in case Dorothy changes her mind and tries to assault Leanne againā€¦ On the mattress, sheā€™d suddenly hug me really tight, break into tears, and thank me over and over again, and Iā€™d just hold her tight, say ā€œOf courseā€, and assure her that everythingā€™s gonna be okay, that weā€™ll get out of there tomorrow. Iā€™d wipe some of her tears off her face šŸ„ŗ On the mattress, weā€™d just look each other in the eyes and both just smile more and more, and after a minute or two, sheā€™d kiss me on the lips for a tiiiiny moment and then, weā€™d just smile at each other even harder! Sheā€™d say ā€œIā€™m not supposed to do thatā€ while still smiling just as hard and looking me directly in the eyes! ā€œSays who?ā€, Iā€™d reply. She goes ā€œMy aunts and unclesā€, and Iā€™d say ā€œI donā€™t think theyā€™re a reliable source!ā€, and weā€™d kiss each other some more and longer, and both feel each otherā€™s smile on our lips, and peek at each other a few times in between šŸ˜ŠšŸ„°ā¤ļø Weā€™d both put our arms around each other before telling each other good night and before I promise her one more time itā€™s all going to be okay!
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At some point during the night, sheā€™d wake me up, and when she does, Iā€™d realize I had a nightmare, like, not from my night terrors, and sheā€™d tell me I had a nightmare, that I was sniffling in my sleep, and that I told her two days earlier to wake me up if this happens. Still feeling terrible (the feeling of immediate dread always takes a while to subside for me), Iā€™d thank her. Iā€™d ask what I was saying, and sheā€™d say that I wasnā€™t speaking English. Iā€™d consider if I should tell her for a moment, but then, Iā€™d take a deep breath, look up for a second, and with a heavy voice, slowly say ā€œWhat if we try plan A tomorrow, and I fail? Iā€™m scaredā€¦ I donā€™t wanna mess this upā€¦ I donā€™t wanna fail youā€¦ā€ And sheā€™d slowly look at me and just say two words: ā€œYou havenā€™t!ā€ Iā€™d look at her and almost laugh a bit out of joy. Iā€™d smile and just cuddle up to her a bit, and sheā€™d do it back. Iā€™d say Iā€™ll try to listen to music for a while to calm down because doing something else makes it much easier for me to zone out of the feeling of dread again. ā€œWhy only you?ā€, sheā€™d ask. ā€œI donā€™t wanna keep you awakeā€, Iā€™d say, ā€œYou need the sleepā€, and sheā€™d say ā€œItā€™s okayā€ and just smile a bit, and so, weā€™d listen to some music together for about half an hour.

Iā€™d tell her that my sleep is so horrible (sheā€™d say she can tell) because I donā€™t have my meds, and Iā€™m really fricking looking forward to taking them again. Without them, the quality of my sleep is terrible, and it takes so long for me to fall asleep at all if I donā€™t take them. Sheā€™d ask if Iā€™ve taken them for a long time, and Iā€™d say that I havenā€™t taken these particular meds for long because whatever I take, my body builds up some resistance to them pretty quickly, so after a while, I always have to get new ones, but Iā€™ve taken sleeping meds for years now. ā€œIt sounds like theyā€™re really helping you, right?ā€, sheā€™d ask, and Iā€™d nod and say ā€œYeah, they really do. Iā€™m also taking antidepressants, and they were an absolute gamechanger for me. Itā€™s okay if I donā€™t take them for a few days because they donā€™t work in the moment, but they like rewire your brain over time, and theyā€™re the best thing thatā€™s ever happened to my mental health. Before I started taking them, it was so hard for me to avoid bad thoughts or resist them, like, it was hell, but ever since then, it got sooo much easier, and not letting things get to me or not letting bad things really take over me is just so much easier now.ā€ After a while, Iā€™d say ā€œI was at a psychiatric clinic voluntarily for six months, but I also had nowhere else to go, and the doctors and employees really abused their power. They only intervened when there was physical violence, they didnā€™t intervene in any other conflicts, so because of them, the patients constantly bullied each other. My doctor switched to another department while I was there, so I got a new one, and the new one wasnā€™t perfect, but at least, she cared. I got really lucky to get a place at a living group for mentally ill people, which was when I could finally leave. But honestly, all my experiences with mental health professionals since then have been better. I went to a different clinic for four or five days voluntarily in 2019, and even they were far better. ā€œThat sounds scaryā€¦ā€, sheā€™d say. Iā€™d reply ā€œIt was. But things got much better after that. I had lots of setbacks, like, you know, but if you get help, itā€™s always better.ā€

After the current songā€™s over, weā€™d lie down to try and sleep again. Weā€™d smile at each other again in bed, and Iā€™d give her a short-ish kiss before saying good night, and weā€™d both smile even harder after that šŸ˜ And we would fall asleep for good after a while (it would still take me longer than her).

In the morning, Leanne would wake me up again. Sheā€™d show me that the door is unlocked and open by a little bit now (theyā€™re ā€œlettingā€ her out for a few hoursā€¦),
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and weā€™d both just embrace and chuckle in huge joy, as we can go with plan A now, the less risky one! Weā€™d remember to quiet down after a few seconds and whisper from then on out. Iā€™d go to the toilet roll, take eight pieces, rip them into two bands of four pieces each, and roll each of them up into a little bunch. Iā€™d give them to her and tell her to put them into the wall pieces of the door when she gets out (so it looks like the door is closed while it canā€™t actually lock) and give me an audible signal when the third floor is clear, so Iā€™ll get out with my backpack, take out the toilet paper, and hide in her room.
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ā€œIs there anything you want me to get from there?ā€, Iā€™d ask. ā€œNo. Everything is here or at the Marinosā€™.ā€ Iā€™d go ā€œOkayā€ and move on - since Iā€™m almost definitely unable to come down to the second floor right away (Iā€™m using American English in all of these episodes. ā€œFirst floorā€ in American English = ā€œground floorā€ in British English; ā€œSecond floorā€ in American English = ā€œfirst floorā€ in British English; ā€œThird floorā€ in American English = ā€œsecond floorā€ in British English, etc.), sheā€™d give me a signal when coming back upstairs. Weā€™d agree that when she comes back upstairs, if itā€™s safe to go to the second floor, sheā€™d shout something, maybe in conversation, maybe some sort of cry, doesnā€™t matter, and if not, sheā€™d kick something. Sheā€™d be locked upstairs again after that, so Iā€™ll have to tell when to get further downstairs myself, which Iā€™d do as soon as Iā€™ve heard absolutely no sounds from inside the house for at least a few minutes. On the first floor, Iā€™d get the DVD from March 11, 2001, and if the baptism tape isnā€™t clearly labeled among the tapes, Iā€™d unplug the DVD player from the TV, turn on the player, open the DVD slot, and if the tape isnā€™t in there, Iā€™d take all unlabeled tapes. Iā€™d then listen in on the basement door for a few seconds, and if I hear no sounds from down there, Iā€™d quietly open the basement door and go downstairs, and if no oneā€™s there, Iā€™d get out through the side entrance down there, out through the back gate, walk back to Spruce Street, drive my bike home, take a shower, watch the tape from March 11, 2011 like she told me I could, hide it somewhere at home, print out the document for the police, take it with me in an envelope, print out a second version of it to give to the taxi driver, so I can say ā€œIf Iā€™m not back in an hour, please call the police for me and read this to themā€. Iā€™d then call a taxi (a taxi with a large trunk whose driver is allowed to drive to Allentown and back), load my gun, and leave for the Turnersā€™ and get Leanne.

Weā€™d see that Liam has replied by now. Of course, heā€™d be super worried, but heā€™s got our backs for the plan, and that would be really reassuring. Weā€™d look each other in the eyes, and then, Iā€™d hug her sooo tight for several seconds, and weā€™d have one loooong kiss (hoping itā€™s not the last time we see each otherā€¦) before she goes downstairs while looking back at me on the way before putting the toilet paper in the door. Iā€™d then put on my backpack. Once Leanne loudly shouts ā€œMister Turner?ā€, that would be my signal, and Iā€™d hide in her room for about 45 minutes before sheā€™s ā€œletā€ back upstairs and shouts ā€œYou can lock me in now, Mrs. Turnerā€,
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which is when Iā€™d sneak into the storage/guest room and wait. It would take like five hours until I hear nothing for a while, which is when Iā€™d sneak onto the first floor, look around to make extra sure no oneā€™s there, and go to the living room. Iā€™d get the tape from March 11, 2011, and the baptism tape would be among the labeled DVDs, and Iā€™d put it into the box of the March 11, 2011 tape (Iā€™d put the original DVD loose in there and use the spot inside the box for the baptism tape because itā€™s probably more important. I then wouldnā€™t hear anything from the basement, so Iā€™d slowly and quietly go down there. No one would be there, so Iā€™d leave as planned and go home and take a shower. Iā€™d watch the March 11, 2011 DVD. Iā€™d be surprised to see the interaction between Leanne and Dorothy for sure, but sort of knowing her, I wouldnā€™t think anything bad of it. Iā€™d actually get it because of my past celebrity crushes (which I know isnā€™t what she was feeling for Dorothy) and the desire to meet them, especially with Blanche. Iā€™d get why Leanne wouldnā€™t want the police to see it, it would look bad for her. Iā€™d wrap up the DVD in a thick piece of paper and tape it to the back of my closet, between the closet and the wall. Iā€™d burn the piece of paper in the DVD case in my bathtub with a bucket of water next to me just in case. Iā€™d test if the DVD of the baptism tape still works (it does), rip it, upload the video file to Google Drive, add it to the document for the police, cancel my printing queue, print the document (two versions of it. The one for the taxi driver would just have a short introduction at the beginning, like, that Iā€™m the person who ordered the taxi), order the taxi, pack my things for the next couple of weeks and anything that Leanne might need, so Iā€™d include any clothes that I think could fit her, and go to the taxi. Iā€™d tell the driver to get me one block away from 9780 Spruce Street (which isnā€™t actually a real address, by the way) and wait there for me. Before leaving for the Turner house, Iā€™d give him the envelope with his version of the letter for the police and tell him what I said I would tell him. Iā€™d then get my backpack with the gun in it from my luggage in the trunk, and walk to the Turnersā€™ house.

I have already "written" so much more in my head, but I've now reached the end of what I've actually written down, so it will take longer until the next episode is out now! Hope you've enjooooyed this one!
submitted by ikieneng to teamleanne [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:01 scarsellaj The Haterā€™s Guide to the 2023-24 Bundesliga Season: Debriefing

I hope nobody else is doing this. And I hope you enjoy it because this is not going to be a regular occurrence. This season of German football was just too good to not write up. So letā€™s go over some storylines.
Bayer Leverkusen: 50. Fucking. Matches. Unbeaten. Do you realize how impressive that is? The fact that it was Never-kusen to do it is insane. Mostly down to Xavi Alonso being the next elite manager. He completely changed the Bayer team. Grimaldo, Frimpong, Wirtz, Boniface, Stanisic, Schick, Tapsoba. The building blocks of a title winning team. Congrats, boys, you saved German football. If you win this treble, it will be one of the greatest stories in football history. You ended the Bayern monopoly after years of stagnation. The goal now will be to keep the gang together. Alonso has already thwarted attempts for Bayern, Liverpool, and Madrid to sign him. The squad remains the big question. Itā€™s not about whether key players will be sold, itā€™s about which ones.
Stuttgart: The amount of times Iā€™ve double taked on 2nd place is comical. This team was fighting relegation last season. They only survived because they won the pro-rel playoff. Now theyā€™re playing Champions League football next campaign. Guirassy surely was the story of the season. Deniz Undav regained his spot with Streets Won't Forget FC after his redemption campaign. Jee Woo-Yeong was a rock in midfield. Alex Nubel kept the ball out of the next making him a prime candidate as the next great German goalkeeper. More credit is due to their manager, Sebastian HoeneƟ. Yes I Googled his name and copy and pasted it. The man got this team into the Champions League, a massive achievement for this club. A brilliant mind like that surely warrants a payday. Please don't let him get poached by Bayern.
Bayern Munich: An absolutely appalling season by the standards set in previous regimes. You have to understand, though. This Bayern was COOKED from the start. Thomas Tuchel bitched and moaned about Joshua Kimmich and Leon Goretzka's uselessness in a double pivot. He wanted a new No. 6. In the end, the Bayern board decided to use all their transfer funds on Harry Kane. The ROI on that move has been as advertised, with Kane only posting his best statistical season ever. The downside: Bayern went trophyless. You are reading that correctly. Not only that, they finished 3rd. Tuchel beefed with key players like Matthjs de Ligt and Kim Minjae. Injuries to guys like Gnabry and Coman also crippled the depth. Leroy Sane proved to be good strictly in the Champions League. Alphonso Davies was great but non-committal on his future in Munich. Eric Dier was brought in on loan and became a critical player in the second half of the season. Yes, that Eric Dier. It's now Kingsley Coman's first season without a league title since 2014. The Champions League could've been great, had it not been been for some fishy calls made in Real Madrid's favor in the semis, but it was not an elite team. Now they must truly rebuild, and first step is finding Tuchel's replacement. Which...nobody seems too keen on taking this job. The expectations are too high, and the rebuild is just too massive. You feel stupid for sacking Julian Nagelsmann now?
RB Leipzig: It was a growing year for the Red Bulls after bringing in so many new faces. Xavi Simons, Lois Openda, and Benjamin Sesko certainly excite but they are highly inconsistent. Openda still posted 24 goals across the season, with Sesko adding 14. Simons with 11 asissts was massive. Defensively, they were much more sound. Willy Orban managed to lock down the backline, finally. Mohamed Siamakan took large strides forward. Benjamin Heinrichs cemented himself as one of the lowkey ballers in Europe. The problem still remains doing it for longer. They were constantly hovering between 5th and 4th this season, and luckily results picked up at the back-end of the season to cement another season of European football. Marco Rose bought himself another season, where hopefully he will be able to shape the team to his liking. Stalwarts like Dani Olmo and Youssef Poulson might be moved on to generate funds. Leipzig clearly has ambitions now that the Bayern monopoly is on life support.
Dortmund: This team is a goddam headache. What the hell do you mean they made the Champions League Final and beat PSG convincingly to get there? Dortmund did that indeed. Their league form has been absolutely mid. They can string together some results but clearly lack the guile necessary to mount a title challenge. Or even a Pokal contention. But this is the current holder of the Vibes FC badge. Julian Brandt was the driving force of this team. He only had 15 goal involvements all season, but his passing was critical to set up the play. Niklas Fullkrug capitalized on his newfound status as the leader at the top. Gregor Kobel backstopped an otherwise leaky defense made up of aging Mats Hummels and the fat version of Niklas Sule. Jadon Sancho got exiled from Manchester United and came home. He wasn't the 20 and 20 player but he showed glimpses. Karim Adeyemi also took massive strides forward. Other standouts include Jamie Bynoe-Gittens becoming the next English player to develop abroad. Even if you don't win the UCL final, you managed to get Germany the 5th UCL qualifying spot.
Eintracht Frankfurt: Frankfurt's problems can boil down to a very simple reason: no real replacements. They lost Kolo Muani, Lindstrom, N'Dicka, and Kamada all in one summer window. The biggest loss was Oliver Glasner stepping down last year. Yet, they managed to get back into Europa League. Omar Marmoush only potted 12 goals across the season. The rest of it came down to collective effort. Ansgar Knauff showed some potential but is still too raw. Mario Gotze is still here and was already slowing down last year. This campaign all but confirmed it. Robin Koch fled the relegation of Leeds United to return to the German national team as their lead defender and a national team call-up. Kevin Trapp is still managing to keep himself under the radar but was still important for Frankfurt's fortunes. Dino Toppmƶller deserves praise for this coaching job. Now the question will be is can he do it again?
Hoffenheim: Congrats, boys, you're going back to Europe. The Conference League should be an ample test of your mettle and growth as a club. But who are we kidding? For those who don't know, Hoffeheim are one of the few German clubs that benefit from a wealthy owner. 50+1 always has loopholes, and Deitmar Hopp has been willing to spend to get his club back into the big time. It hasn't worked to the extent some might hope, but it is indeed progress. A 32-year-old Andrej Kramaric was one of their standout players, and a mentor for young striker Max Beier. Both posted 14-goal seasons, enough to carry Hoffenheim up the table. USMNT fans got to watch the John Brooks redemption story. There were times where this team was outclassed by lesser opponents, though. Doesn't spell good for the next season.
Heidenheim: Bayer Leverkusen were the feel-good story of the season, but honorable mention goes to Heidenheim. Winning both the 3rd and 2nd division title is nice and all, but the Bundesliga is not the lower tiers. It's all good, though. A solid mix of German vets and young players created a hungry squad with a point to prove. Most would say a 2. Bundesliga club should focus solely on survival. Heidenheim said fuck that, let's shoot for a European spot. They just barely missed out but this is a massive step forward. Please for the love of all that is holy capitalize on the moment.
Werder Bremen: The club image restoration campaign continues. Werder is a former Bundesliga champion that has dropped to such a low they were in the 2. Liga just a few seasons ago. Since then they had relied on Niklas Fullkrug to carry them to survival. This latest finish is a massive improvement. Now without Fullkrug, they are carried by a rag tag group of German, Danish, Belgian, and American players. Ninth place will at least be a building block to getting back to cultural and football relevance. I wouldn't expect them to suddenly be a contender, though.
Freiburg: Christian Streich is usually applauded for the work he has done to keep Freiburg afloat in the top flight. This was another fruitful season, even if it seems anti-climatic. They had multiple players put 7 goals or more. Vincenzo Grifo was the top scorer, a midfielder, but added 8 helpers in addition. What more is there to say? The club is still fighting for its return to European competition after a pretty brutal time in the Europa gulag. Congrats, boys, you are now the West Ham of Germany.
Augsburg: Sorry you had to be Leverkusen's whipping boys on the final matchday, but someone had to be sacrificed for the Invincible run. Augsburg should feel lucky they finished 11th. 15 losses usually spells trouble, but they were rescued by clutch scoring from Ermedin Demirovic. It's better than previous seasons but don't you feel just a little bad about getting rid of Ricardo Pepi now? He won the Dutch league title with PSV. I don't know, you could've used him.
Wolfsburg: You know how Tree says "Detroit channeled a rear-ended Pinto?" Wolfsburg channeled a rear-ended Golf. It was an incredibly hot-and-cold season, which I guess should be expected when you employ Ralph Hassenhuttl as your manager. Yes, that Ralph Hassenhuttl, the man singlehandedly responsible for Southampton's relegation. Nico Kovacs was steering the ship into the abyss, and was promptly canned at the right moment. Replacing him with Ralph didn't improve anything. One day Wolfsburg would do something cool like beat Leipzig. The next they would lose to Union Berlin. Last season, Wolfsburg was just a few points outside a European spot. Now you've entered hell: mid-table.
Mainz: Bo Henriksen is at least trying to build something at Mainz. It was clearly not going to be easy. When you lose 4-1 to Union Berlin on the second matchday, that spells trouble. They did managed to get some decent results, but they were Bayern's punching ball one March day. 8-1...fucking hell (stoppppp! he's already dead!!). You managed to avoid the drop so I guess that's progress. You have an exciting young forward in Jonathan Berkhardt, and decent defensive stability with Sepp van de Berg and Philip Mwene. Don't get too excited, you have a long way to go before you're back at the big kids table.
Gladbach: There was a time when Gladbach were punching into European football. It's not this season, because this was a dumpster fire. Had Mainz not collected one more draw, Gladbach would've finished higher on goal difference. Which is -11...woof. The team lacked any defensive cohesion, and could barely string together a good run of form. Most times they had to keep rescuing themselves in squeaky bum time. USMNT fans won't want to hear it but Jordan Pefok and Joe Scally are not beating the mid allegations. Pefok only scored 5 goals. Scally still doesn't look like a legitimate starting right back. The legend of Julian Wiegl continues as he amassed ten yellow cards in a single season. They're a pretty young team so there is time to improve, but this is a real mess.
Union Berlin: The curse of the Champions League struck Union Berlin with a fiery vengeance. It is not unfair to say they were incredibly underprepared for the gauntlet that is elite European football. Almost all of the moves they made backfired. Bringing in Leonardo Bonucci for UCL experience only to find he was washed. He got exiled to the Turkish league for his fraudulent crimes. Brenden Aaronson was loaned in after he too fled relegation of Leeds United. He put up 4 goal involvements in one season...Medford Messi my ass. Roben Gosens was somehow the top scorer. He's a fullback. The honeymoon is over. It really took them until the final matchday to survive. That late penalty against Freiburg saved them for the drop. Good, you survived. Now don't fall off like that again. Your fans can be incredibly proud of you, considering you look way better than Hertha.
Bochum: Yea about what you expect with this club. They're a German yo-yo club. Yes, they do indeed exist. Sure, they still have a chance to stay up with pro-rel playoff coming up, but I don't expect much ever. Take your annual triumph over Bayern and get the fuck out. Getting absolutely bodied by Leverkusen to cement their title was a courtesy to you. Don't lose that playoff.
FC Koln: You guys fucking suck. I thought for sure Koln would at least put up more of a fight after getting promoted last season. Only collecting five wins?? FIVE? This is a goddam travesty playing out in real time. Yo-yo club status cemented. Given what I saw you'd be lucky to get back in to the top flight after this season.
Darmstadt: Darmstadt had two major problems that hindered their season. They couldn't defend, and they couldn't score. Double whammy if you ask me. Somehow you make teams look like Real Madrid. You got some wins over your relegation rivals. Take what you can, I guess. I think the 2. Liga is probably more your speed, though.
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2024.05.22 00:01 Gossip-Luv2 Retrieved the content of Tweets on SLB's eccentricities - The Mythmakerā€™s Legacy - Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, I am the Greatest of Them All!

Thanks to Patron Member u/Entharo_entho - Here is the wiped out Tweet retrieved
Context - Wiped out from Internet
In March, I got a chance to work with filmmaker Sanjay Leela Bhansali right after he made Gangubai Kathiawadi, and Alia Bhatt, playing the titular character in the film, retweeted me.
The headline (in my head) was going to be, ā€˜The Boy From Kamathipura Goes To Bhansali Mandi.ā€™
Then reality struck in April.
One of my closest friends Sweta called me from the Shivapuri National Park near Kathmandu and put me on speaker. Two other friends Mona and Ayush were listening to the WhatsApp call.
ā€˜Howā€™s it going with Bhansu?ā€™ Sweta asked.
ā€˜We are not working together anymore,ā€™ I said.
ā€˜Whaaaaaaaat?ā€™ the three people shrieked, creating a wavy disturbance in audio frequency.
ā€˜Whyyyyy?ā€™ they cried, collectively anguished.
ā€˜He said he is not feeling the vibes.ā€™
ā€˜What?ā€™
ā€˜Vibes,ā€™ I said aloud, causing a seismic tremor in the audio frequency.
ā€˜What vibes?ā€™ Sweta jibed, ā€˜Maybe he canā€™t feel the vibrator.ā€™
Laughter upped the vibes.
First, a little context on how I got that far. Check this, this, this & this.
So my tweets were going viral in February-March.
In the second week of March, a woman DMā€™d me saying she loves the tweets. I said thank you. She said she works at Bhansali Productions.
Whoopsie Daisy!
I asked if I could be a part of the production. She checked with SLB and team. He said he wants to meet now.
NOW!
How?
I was in Calcutta.
I called an actor friend in Bombay and told him about it.
ā€œThey will book your tickets and put you up in 5-star,ā€ he said, ā€œLike Hollywood.ā€
ā€œThis is Bhansaliwood,ā€ I said, ā€œYahan dhanda hamesha manda hai.ā€
I flew (on my own expense) and met him.
I was ā€˜preparedā€™ by his team for the meeting with His High and Mightiness.
I was told:
Arre, then what do I say?
I sashayed in a brown kurta and white linen trousers. Please see Madhuri Dixit-Neneā€™s brown ghagra for aesthetic reference I used from my very limited wardrobe of the only kurta I had at the time. By the way, the chorus sings ā€˜Jhanak Jhanak Payal Baaje,ā€™ aesthetically referencing you know what, right?
He was lunching with his minions (strictly calling them minions from his pov) when I arrived in his pristine white dining hall in a building called Magnum Opus. Where else should he reside, no? Both his house, and his office (where I was ā€˜preparedā€™ earlier) were tastefully done in creamy white.
It was, as I said to my friend later, like walking into a cumulus cloud, or like sitting on his favourite singer Lata Mangeshkarā€™s lap. Calm, serene and quite surreal. I was inside his snow globe. Violins from a Bach concerto (in my head) were replaced with say Madan Mohanā€™s doleful rendition of ā€˜Mai ri main ka se kahoon peedh apne jiya ki.ā€™ (Side effect of writing this on Motherā€™s Day.)
I look for books when I enter a house for signs of intelligent life. There were lots of lamps and candelabras but where were the stacks of books they were perched on? The aesthetic was high on film set disposable kitsch. I stared into a cumulative void.
The minions were intensely debating Darjeeling momos. Whatā€™s that? I spent my childhood there. Never heard of this GI tag!
SLB relished his meal and said, ā€œI want puranpoli today.ā€
Puranpoli appeared not out of thin air, but a house-help flipping wishes instantly on a griddle on the fifth floor. We were on the first floor. Although the puranpoli is shaped like a flying saucer, it doesnā€™t fly, perhaps burdened by the weight of excess ghee and crowd-pleasing expectation. It does, however, reach SLBā€™s plate at the speed of light.
ā€˜Give him some,ā€™ he asked a minion to serve me while I waited on the sofa.
ā€˜Iā€™ve had lunch, thank you,ā€™ I said, trying to behave. The plate arrived. I took a mousy bite to exhibit my failing attempt to transform into a champion minion.
When he came to chat, he noticed the unfinished food and gently reminded me how there were days he went hungry. I should have rolled my eyes for my own lean days.
ā€˜One should not waste food,ā€™ he said.
ā€˜I donā€™t,ā€™ I said, ā€˜I was going to parcel it home in a doggy bag.ā€™
Hearing the word doggy, his well-behaved dog came over to inspect me.
He observed me. I petted her perfunctorily. Am a cat person. Stereotypical writer stuff ā€” allergic to undesired petting and attention.
ā€˜So, what have you done?ā€™ he asked, sitting on a sort of empire-style bergere chair. Full marks for faux-ornate.
ā€˜A novel, some writing for a series,ā€™ I said nervously, dismissively.
ā€˜Anything I might have seen?ā€™ he asked.
ā€˜No, not worthwhile.ā€™
ā€˜Are you interested in direction also?ā€™
ā€˜No, am not delusional.ā€™
A moment passed. I might have displayed an errant repartee.
ā€˜I mean, I can only write, or am trying to,ā€™ I said. Lā€™esprit de lā€™escalier.
He gave me a spiel on writing, how screenplay is an art not many understand, etc, et cetera.
I nodded to make his voice disappear.
ā€˜What are you writing now?ā€™
I showed him the cover of my new book, The Last Courtesan, featuring my mother, on my phone.
ā€˜Oh, this is so fascinating,ā€™ he said.
He spoke rapturously about Calcuttaā€™s great food and colonial architecture when I mentioned growing up in Bowbazar kothas. If you watch any of his interviews now on YouTube you will realise he only speaks in raptures. Heā€™s always explaining things like an impassioned conductor at a dime-store opera. It can exhaust the boorish audience immediately. He spoke about living in the Kamathipura area as a child when I said I had lived there. The mythmaker was interested in exoticising his own legend as an ā€˜outsiderā€™.
ā€˜But how will you work here if your mother is in Calcutta?ā€™ he said, ā€˜I am a maa-ka-bhakt.ā€™
Everything is about him or his mother. I have reached that stage too, though only by circumstances unavoidable.
ā€˜Actually it was my mother who asked me to come here. I told her it would only work out if you understand that I will have to vacillate between the two cities initially. Jaise Sanjay ki Leela hai, waise meri Rekha.ā€™
Corny dialogue, but worked. No one calls him by his first name, except perhaps his own mother. He is sir for everyone.
ā€˜If I am speaking to you for so long means I like you,ā€™ he said. ā€˜Otherwise, I would have asked you to leave long ago.ā€™
Barely five minutes into the conversation, he asked me to return to his office and inform his team that I was going to be a part of his writerā€™s room.
I went back to his office and read a script. This is the part I cannot mention. His legal team sits in the adjacent room.
I flew to Calcutta and was to return after a week. I had to make arrangements for my motherā€™s tri-weekly dialysis sessions at a nearby hospital, figure out a tiffin-delivery service for her, find a house help (she sent four nurses scurrying in the past), all of which is a bit of a task in this retrograde city.
Remember the woman who had DMā€™d me about my tweets? She messaged. She had met SLB after my meeting. He said this about me: ā€˜What a wonderful find. That boy has so much potential and is talented. Most importantly, he is sensitive.ā€™
I told her Iā€™d get this engraved on my tombstone.
Like how he wants to take Alia Bhattā€™s golchakkar in Dholida to his grave.
ā€œItā€™s a shot that I will take to my grave. If thereā€™s any shot that I want to be played when I breathe my last, it would be Alia doing that shot. It is the best thing I have seen an actor do in a very long, long time.ā€
I was only emulating the high priest of hyperbole in my tombstone comment. Perhaps I was regressing into a minion.
I had only managed a few tasks for mother when I was back in Bombay. It worried me that the old, frail woman with shaky limbs and slurred speech was trying to be brave to send me to work. I hadnā€™t worked since the pandemic; she was in and out of hospitals so frequently that I had surrendered the thought of getting another job ever again. Taking care of her was my full-time job.
The first day in his office was to chill in my new, aesthetically pleasing kurta I had shopped for in Gariahat. There was a security camera in every corner that was apparently accessible on his phone. My skin tingled with this information. Chilled. He was at home. Probably watching. Thatā€™s a great way to create a myth.
The next day, there were more minions on the lunch table in his first floor apartment. The magically appearing steamy and fragrant sheera was delicious. A minion deemed it the best sheera in the city. I nodded to make that statement evaporate.
A courier boy interrupted for a document signature. SLB flared at a spelling mistake in the document papers.
ā€˜Go wash your face and come back,ā€™ he yelled at the young man.
The minions at the table laughed nervously. I so wished I was wearing a mask to cover my surprise emoji face.
The minions on the table were writers and assistant directors.
ā€˜Dastavez,ā€™ SLB said, ā€˜would that be correct to use?ā€™
ā€˜Kaaghzaat,ā€™ the minion replied.
ā€˜Kaaghzaat is paper, dastavez is document,ā€™ said the second minion.
ā€˜You always mislead me,ā€™ SLB sternly reprimanded the first minion. ā€˜Donā€™t ever do that again.ā€™
Only that minion tried to laugh, offering an apology. He shut the minion down.
My mask, my mask emoji face.
A third minion was sulking in a corner before I arrived for the writing session. This minion had reportedly offered a script suggestion, which he disliked and barked down. I liked this minion the most. Relatable.
A faint noise of a person running or perhaps just a rumbling sound from somewhere outside interrupted the room. He looked up at the ceiling and said, ā€˜No one lives there. Am certain it is a ghost. I hear running sounds all the time. I have heard sounds of furniture being dragged.ā€™
I wondered if he actually believed in half the things he uttered, or was he just saying it to create enigma about himself. Mythical thoughts certainly kept him preoccupied.
Reality bored him. SLB had nothing good to say about the ā€˜current plagueā€™ of South Indian films upsetting the Bollywood cartel. He compared them to a circus. He wasnā€™t kind to the actors he had worked with in his last film. He cracked lame jokes about everyone and everything. The minions laughed and kept him busy. I chuckled a few times to blend in. The mythmaker revelled in his prophesies about the impending doom of charlatans with no aesthetics: just crass, commercial peddlers pimping art. It was all said to amuse and bemuse while he fussed over the yellow shade of fabric from several swatches.
When he left for his music session, the minions bitched him out, and how! All the horror stories I had heard over the years about his moods, behaviour, language and violent temper were true. How else will he create myth about himself as a maestro? The Glomar response. Let the plebs indulge in hearsay. I will neither confirm nor deny. The minions sang effigy songs in happy tunes, if I may stretch this part a bit like his penchant for high camp.
That night, when I went to my actor friendā€™s house, where I was temporarily staying, I said to him, ā€˜I donā€™t think I will last a week there.ā€™
I was rattled by how he spoke to the courier boy and the minions, with no filter. Well, at least it was clear he had no tact, endearing as that might be of a ā€˜geniusā€™ if one compromises with his erratic behaviour. The CEO of his company does it beautifully and advises to develop a ā€˜thick hideā€™ around him. Cows, essentially.
Verve
The words genius, great, master, maverick, were so loosely bandied by his office staff even in his absence that I was tempted to add auteur, if they could spell or pronounce it. They worked in perpetual fear of him turning up at any hour and checking on their tidiness. A minion whined she wasnā€™t dressed appropriately for his surprise visit. Once, he even cut pay for unscheduled leave, said another minion. A minion narrated a shot he copied from a photographer in Gangubai Kathiawadi. Another minion recounted how he made her cry on shoot by screaming at her for a silly mistake. Minions couldnā€™t leave the office till his evenings were scheduled. It was a well-paying job so long as they did not have to see ā€˜chachaā€™sā€™ face and only applaud his cinematic sorcery.
His office team would assign me desk-work and warn me not to inform him about it.
ā€˜What am I supposed to say if he asks?ā€™
ā€˜Make up something,ā€™ I was told.
ā€˜Why should I?ā€™
ā€˜You will slowly understand,ā€™ I was told.
His team of assistants would sneak around me. I didnā€™t know who was reporting what back to him. He would interrogate the management team. They would lash out at me for informing the assistants. The management wanted to control me a certain way because ā€˜sirā€™ does not need to know everything. It was quite a guessing game. He had created an ecosystem of complete chaos and loved the hubbub. New people were hired for him to use the ā€˜new energyā€™ to rekindle the ā€˜old energyā€™ that needed to be reminded it could be snuffed out and replaced. He thrived on confusion because it all boiled down to him to sort out the mess. He was the provider so long as the minions ingratiated and served their grand master.
One time he called me upstairs, what his CEO called the godā€™s chamber aka the Shahenshahā€™s durbar: his office on the seventh floor. Walls were lined with giant posters of his films. We minions sat on the fifth floor. I was of course by now a week old in the toady mill. On the seventh floor, production team members, set designer, director assistant, young people sat on the floor, armed with notebooks and laptops, alert and sugar-tongued. He sat on a throne and dictated each one about their duty. A masseur massaged his leg. He asked me what I thought of a script. I said it was lovely. He asked me to elaborate. I said I liked a characterā€™s resolve. He denied it was written. I said thatā€™s my interpretation. A minion promptly backed me.
ā€˜What changes do you suggest?ā€™ he asked.
ā€˜We should sit on it collectively and decide,ā€™ I said.
He mumbled something. My suggestion was dismissed. I was dismissed. I bowed out. A minion whispered to me, ā€˜We all walk on eggshells around him.ā€™ I had to be a chicken in a coop I suppose.
Another time he dismissed my suggestion for a scene saying, ā€˜Thatā€™s not how art is made.ā€™ I had referenced a scene from Bandit Queen to illustrate my point. Just like his entire oeuvre is homage to a classic. How else does he make his art?
Allow me to illustrate with a frame from his first film Khamoshi: The Musical. The second image is from Pakeezah.
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam references Red Beard, Woh 7 Din.
Devdas references Pakeezah more than once.
Black references The Miracle Worker.
Saawariya references Pyaasa, Awaara.
Guzaarish references Whose Life Is It Anyway?
Goliyon Ki Raasleela: Ram-Leela references Franco Zeffirelliā€™s Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story.
Bajirao Mastani references Mughal-E-Azam.
Padmaavat references Mirch Masala.
Gangubai Kathiawadi, letā€™s give him the benefit of doubt is all his own, original artistry.
The American filmmaker Jim Jarmusch once meta quoted the French filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard when he said:
ā€œNothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And donā€™t bother concealing your thievery ā€” celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: ā€œItā€™s not where you take things from ā€” itā€™s where you take them to.ā€
SLB believes he takes art and betters it, removing the grubby coat of slime from the sublime, often not concerned with acknowledging the source. He is a masterā€™s master, elevating it to an otherworldly experience, the creator of a mythoverse.
He asked me to rewrite a scene I didnā€™t agree with. He banged the script folders on the table like a petulant, little child. I watched his posture change into a frump. Tiger Shroffā€™s ā€˜Bacchi ho kya,ā€™ dialogue comes to mind.
ā€˜You are talking like those critics who find fault but donā€™t know how to write. They should write the film,ā€™ he said.
That argument will never make sense to me but since I write movies now and not just about them, I rewrote the scene in half an hour and showed it to him. He found it rubbish.
I was not called to the writerā€™s room for a week.
His CEO said I should go to his house; hang around him, like the other assistants whose only purpose in life is to feed his ego. We are slaves to his vision, she said. She thought I was a better writer than the team he had assembled. ā€˜From whatever I read, only three lines of your work on social media, I could sense it,ā€™ she said.
Either she was encouraging, or bluffing with a perfectly Zen face. From the hundreds of Ganesh idols stacked in her room, it was clear she wasnā€™t a reader. She was good at reading numbers, data, and stats. She would sense a sign if one of the metal idols sucked milk from a spoon on the day she enquired about box ā€“office figures.
There was more than one right-wing hardliner in his office. Secular staff was invisible. A pretty minion in baby pink t-shirt, whose main grouse was that another minion called him a Barbie doll, said he was happy with the Modi government building roads in his home state Bihar. Another minion countered him by asking: What about the persecution of minorities by the same government? The pretty minion said he didnā€™t care for that. He was assisting ā€˜sirā€™ because he wanted to be an actor. Which lead me to wonder how many Muslim actors has this production worked with? Silly of me to think, right? Given that I myself donā€™t use my Muslim surname. Iā€™ve now successfully planted a myth in your head. Thatā€™s how it works.
In the time that I was in Versova during my brief stint at Bhansali Productions, I met several people with their own SLB horror story. A producer said, ā€˜He is a difficult man but life changes for good after you work with him. Some people want to go through hell first. Life bann jaati hai.ā€™ I didnā€™t understand why purgatory was necessary. Another former assistant said, ā€˜When you work with the worst (SLB) and the best (KJO), you are ready for the rest.ā€™
A young woman gave him a thesis she wrote on his films. He asked her to write a book on her. She said she wanted to assist as a director. She never heard from him. A filmmaker said SLB was too friendly with another assistant, suggesting intimacy. A writer wasnā€™t given credit in a film.
Another writer was promised his script will be turned into a film but it never took off and now he feels his life has been ruined. A young filmmakerā€™s debut movie SLB produced was delayed, not promoted, and called ā€˜kachraā€™ to his face.
The young man said SLB is sexist, homophobe, classist, fat shamer, emotional abuser, and a body shamer. ā€œHe is a joyless pit of darkness where happiness goes to die. And those are the nicest words I can think of to describe him,ā€ he said. Another filmmaker said a choreographer was in a relationship with SLB and wanted to marry him but he wouldnā€™t even touch her, a hotly discussed conversation amongst his minions.
Everything sounds hokum. A successful man is likely to upset a few. The few will talk. Their words may ring true through a gossamer veil of implausibility. Myths magnifying his persona.
There are too many myths about his personal life, aroused by his silence on the subject but all too obvious in his work. When people want to confirm with me, I am equally appalled at their lack of aesthetics. Like the great reader of curtains, Edgar Allan Poe, you only have to look at SLBā€™s use of billowy curtains in films to guess.
Above stanza, courtesy Poe, poem: The Raven.
Hope you get the drift, or draft, hawa ka jhonka! By the way, am digressing now, is the weirdly named character Sameer Rosselline in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam the first mainstream Hindi film hero to pass wind? The ruffled curtains are first to be cautioned though.
Unlike most people willing to swallow their pride to work with SLB, few like the eponymous Gangubai character choose izzat. The house-help employed in my actor friendā€™s house was asked to work as a cook in his house. When she heard the whimsy, dessert-craving demands, she declined the offer. I identify with her no-nonsense style.
In November 2021, a filmmaker read a film script I wrote and said, ā€˜This is SLB territory. Only he can make it. It is the modern love-story he has been wanting to make for a long time.ā€™
ā€˜Are you sure?ā€™ I asked, somewhat flattered but also bewildered.
ā€˜Yes, we just have to change the setting from Calcutta-Bombay to Calcutta-New York. It is what he has been trying to crack. Iā€™ll get him to read it.ā€™
I never spoke to SLB about my script. I did not want to look like a schemer. I had only got a chance because of my motherā€™s story. I had come to write courtesan songs. Hindi films are recognised by their songs. His films have show tunes that live on long after the sequins and mirrors reflect a decadent style. He employs the old-fashioned method of making Hindi films, which is to stitch scenes around a song, not the other way round. And when you glean your references from the best of classical melodies, how can you falter?
My own SLB story is that after watching Saawariya in 2007, I wrote a few songs, moved to Bombay, lived in Versova, close to Magnum Opus, and hoped to meet him, but made no effort even though I came in close contact with people who worked directly with him. I never requested for a meeting. Over the years, I too had heard a few horror stories about him. I only believe in what I see. I waited when he would call for me, my work would have to speak for itself.
A day before Good Friday, his CEO sat me down and said itā€™s not working out.
Thereā€™s a mythical story of how Lata Mangeshkar was on her way to record a song for SLB but the heavens poured and she had to turn her car back. A typical SLB frame of hope and hopelessness.
Never work with your idols. Youā€™ll have a better story to imagine and create myths.
I was so relieved to leave. I hadnā€™t got a moment to read, or write, let alone think since I got here. Why I wanted to work with SLB was to not believe in hearsay. I will either confirm or deny.
ā€˜Great,ā€™ I said, ā€˜everyone deserves an off on Good Friday.ā€™
The office was unsure about public holidays. SLBā€™s mood dictated the calendar.
Before returning to Calcutta, I met a friend entrenched in the film business.
When she heard of the fiasco, she said, ā€˜Iā€™ve heard he is very anal, is he?ā€™
The vibrator jokes never stop.
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