Where are the text pics i forwarded to mobile facebook

I found Reddit posts to be a good resource for each step of the Youth Mobility Scheme Visa application process, so wanted to make a post sharing some tips, timelines, and what to expect. For context, I am a 25M Canadian with an engineering degree, moving to London in the fall without a job lined up as of yet.
1. Application (60-90 mins)
The application process is not difficult, and took me about 60-90 mins. One thing it asks you about is your international travel history over the last 10 years, so it would be helpful to have that information handy. It also asks when you plan on arriving in the UK, so you should have an idea of that too. It doesn't have to be exact but you will have a 90 day window for entry from the date you select, so give yourself some buffer if you are undecided. You will also need to indicate the location (post office) you will pick up your BRP card once you arrive. I recommend picking a location that is easy to get to if you don't know where you will be living yet.
Towards the end of the application, you will be directed to a website where you will pay your application fee and NHS surcharge (charged to credit card in USD). Once you have paid, you can book a biometrics appointment at the location nearest you. For me, this was VFS in the Yorkville area of Toronto. The closest available appointment for me at the time was 3-4 weeks away. There are optional services such as expedited/primetime appointments, courier delivery, document scanning assistance, SMS updates, keep your passport during processing, etc. The prices for these options were insanely high so I don't recommend paying for any extras unless you are on a very tight timeline. I think the SMS text updates were only $5 if that gives you peace of mind.
2. Proof of funds documents and Biometrics appointment (3-4 weeks for appointment + 1 week for visa processing)
Once your appointment is confirmed, you can upload your proof of funds documents using the VFS online tool. You need to show that you had the minimum funds (£2,530) in an accessible account for 28 consecutive days, with the most recent of those 28 days being no earlier than 30 days from your visa application date. I was able to download a statement from my savings account showing the rolling balance for a certain month, so I used that. I had read online about bank statements being tricky as the immigration office wants a date of issue on the statement, so to be safe I went to my bank and got a letter of good standing, dated and stamped within the required timeframe, and uploaded that too.
On the day of your appointment, print and bring your appointment confirmation (has a QR code the immigration office scans) and document checklist. You will receive both in an email after your Visa application is submitted. You will get a number and be called for your biometrics (photo taken for Visa vignette, fingerprints) and submit your passport in a Fedex envelope which is provided to you. I was at VFS for about 25 mins. They also give you a SIM card that comes with 1 month free cell service in the UK which is helpful.
A few days after my appointment, I received an email notifying me that my Visa was being processed. A few days after that, I got an email saying my passport was ready for pickup. They had me open the envelope to ensure my Visa was there, then I was free to go. I did not pay for any expediting, and the time between my biometrics appointment and picking up my visa was 4-5 business days I think.
3. Once you have your Visa
Start the job search. It may be helpful to indicate on your CV that you have the right to work in the UK, especially if you have a Canadian phone number like me.
There are lots of things to consider before making the move. Pause/cancel any subscriptions you won't use, downgrade your phone plan to a cheap plan if you want to keep your phone number, sort out your finances. I was able to open a UK HSBC bank account from here in Canada quite easily, which should make things easier when I land.
Lastly, you have to pick up your BRP card within 10 days of arriving in the UK. I believe the BRP will get you in and out of the country, while the Visa is more of an entry document.

So, I’ve posted before but I realized it was time to write something new as my old post wasn’t detailed enough.
So about me, I’m blonde, short, good shape. I work as a yoga instructor at the moment. Happy to swap photos privately, cute dog pics are also available upon request.
I’m more of an outdoors type persona usually. I love hiking, went to Sedona recently with friends and it was amazing. I also workout regularly, swim when possible, love road trips, cooking and eating out. Still on the hunt for the perfect pizza. (Yes I’ve been to Italy)
I do like lazy days in too, I’m not much of a TV person but I like lazy conversations in bed, ordering takeout or cooking along with board games, but I get cabin fever fast so ideally you’re also more of an outdoors type.
I’m Christian and conservative, I vote republican. While I don’t hate anyone who doesn’t share the same views, I don’t think I’d work in a relationship with someone who isn’t also a conservative Christian so if you aren’t, please don’t reach out as it would waste both of our time.
I’ve been single for two years now, I feel ready to change that. Ideally I want to find someone I can marry and grow old with, I’m not really into the whole casual scene, isn’t my thing. So please only be looking for something serious.
I don’t have a physical “type” but generally I prefer taller men more on the muscular side, not some bodybuilder, seen too many roided guys at the gym and it’s not for me, but I like masculine looking bigger guys generally I’d say. No real preference on hair or skin color though.
Location also doesn’t matter to me too much, just be in the states or Canada please. I’m ready to leave Washington now, I love rain and the nature here is beautiful, but I’ve fallen out of love with Seattle and I’m ready to leave now.
If you’ve gotten this far, please introduce yourself properly, effort is sexy, lazy introductions are not. Love me a paragraph intro guy.
Also if you’ve messaged me before and I haven’t replied, Reddit sometimes makes messages vanish for me, it’s super glitchy. Feel free to double text, there have been so many times where I’ve had someone message and I realize they messaged me months ago and I never saw it, Reddit is just weird lol.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Olivia ❤️

TL;DR - selfish asshole of an older brother scams me and my parents out of $200.
Okay, so I’m not doing too well financially, but I live with my Mom and Pops so we try to make ends meet. A couple weeks back we were in such rough shape financially, that I had to juggle three day jobs just to cover rent and suppress the collector’s from knocking on the door regarding our collective debts. We so broke I literally can’t even afford to sleep because in the night=I can get freelance work done. “I can sleep when I’m dead,” has become my full-time motto (unfortunately). Anyways, to try to bring some income in my household I offer services as a freelance video editor.
A while back, my older brother (who’s a career criminal and has flee’d multiple countries when authorities were after him for violent offences) hit me up and asked if I’d be down to edit for him. I was hesitant at first, being as last time I heard from him was after he beat our Mum to a pulp when I was only 12. For context bro or sis, whoever you are that is reading this: if I was only three years older I wouldn’t have let that slide—I would have mobbed his ass right then and there, pinned him down and done him so fucking dirty… IDGAF if my 15 year old ass had gone to juvie for it, I would do anything for my mother, including take a life. But instead, all that’s been imprinted in my brain is how much of a bitch I was at 12–cowering under the dining table as he took multiple shots with a shoe, at our crying helpless mother on the ground.
Anyways it’s been a few years, I’m 24 now and he gave me a big sob story how he has changed. I bought it up like the good little sheeple I am… started editing for him under the guise that he’d pay me $200 per video: SCORE! That’s a lot of money!!!
I got to know his business (shady as fuck) and got to find out he now dreams of being a finance influencer (double shady) but alas, he’s my big bro and no matter what wrong-doing he’s doing, he convinced me that he was a good man. Ight, bet, I’ma edit for him and make some money for the fam! In between his ‘takes’ of videos he sends me, I piece together that his “wife” films the videos, and he’s still an extremely abusive person. He tries not to let it show on camera, but I’m really good with people, emotions and hidden trauma so I can feel the sickening ‘abuser-of-people’ energy SEEPING off of him, still, to this day. I feel sick to my stomach editing for him, but shit, he’s promised me $200 per video. Over the course of a few weeks I can see why he never told us about his wife, it seems he keeps her pent up somewhere in Georgia, Batumi, and forces her to do whatever he wants. He once referred to her as “his slave” which I originally thought was A JOKE, but now in the grand scheme of things… I don’t think it was a joke. I pray that authorities get to them before he does something to her, but idek where to begin to put a ‘concerned citizen tip’ in a foreign country.
Some context as to why I put up with all the red flags: Mom’s not working as she has to take care of the house and she’s also trying to make money online, any ways possible. She’s starting to sell her favourite clothes. It fucking breaks my heart that I can’t do shit about it… at 24 years old, with all the social media influencing and advertising, I feel like garbage that I can’t fully support my parents… at least not yet! Dad is constantly depressed because he’s almost 80 years old and can’t retire ‘cuz my parent’s are in too much debt.
Okay, anyways, three BIG videos done for him (by big, I mean I spent +8 hours on each vid) and brother’s paid me for ONE via PayPal… no worries, he keeps leading me on saying the money will come, the money will come. And PayPal says I got $200 coming my way from him! Uhh ight, bet? Mind you, I start PLANNING my life around this $200 notification because that’s a hot stack for me and my family!!! Takes PayPal about 20 days to actually let me use the money… ridiculous because we NEEDED it… but that’s okay, I work around the problems in life, much like we all have to.
Here comes the turning point: I’m a little overworked and a little coo-coo sometimes, and one night I start telling him personal shit, kinda pouring out my heart to him, venting almost. I don’t really remember about what, just life I guess, nothing negative towards him. Somehow he misconstrues it, gets upset with me, and ‘tells me off.’ I get upset with him, tell him his business is a sham and I’ma change the rules that we agreed upon. Since his fake-ass can’t pay me what was agreed upon, (maybe $200 is a lot for him, as well) so I ask him if we can do $10 per hour instead. I pitch to him that moving forward, anytime I edit more than five hours ($50), I will refuse to edit until the money gets sent. The conversation turns hostile, QUICK. He calls me a ton of bad names with an underlying message that I’m the biggest loser on earth for pursuing a dream in working in Entertainment & he ends it with a sweet “you’ll never be anything.” LOL WHAT? Completely out of pocket and out of left field, so naturally, I tell him to eat shit, I won’t be doing anymore free work and he can pay me a mere $30 (yes, thirty dollars) for the entire portfolio of audios, texts/scripts, videos, and clips I’ve taken from the internet that ‘match’ the vibe he wants in his videos.
Context: at this point I’ve completed SIX FULL VIDEOS FOR THIS DUDE and he’s only paid me the one payment of $200. Not good at maths? Me neither, lemme help you out. He owes me $1,200 from our original agreement because I’ve spent more than 48 collective hours working on his videos, and he’s only paid me $200. But I tell him: I’ll let it all slide if he pays me $30 for the portfolio of about 50 gigabytes, and then moving forward, he’d pay me the $10 per hour if he wanted more content from me. He already has the six full videos in his possession. The ‘portfolio’ is stuff I’ve found that’s free-use on the internet, stuff that I’ve compiled, and even some scripts that I’ve written out! ALL MINE that I did for HIS business. So it seems logical for me to give this portfolio as an option, just incase he wants to say nah moving forward on me editing for him, and just take the material & go our separate ways…
In response, my (35 year old) brother files a complaint on PayPal claiming he only hired me for a channel encompassing trailer that I did not provide and that I’m attempting to extort him for more money. LOL, WHAT? PayPal’s like BET and automatically attempts to deduct from MY chequing account, without even getting to the bottom of it. Obviously doesn’t work, my account (not PayPal account, my fucking bank account. these mf so overzealous that they reached right into my mf pocket!!!!) gets put in the negatives and I attempt to appeal, with no sweat on my brow ‘cuz I’m like no way PayPal finna let this slide. I then proceed to message my terrible relative multiple times, with texts, videos and audio recordings and I’m in a hysterical mess. I begin threatening him, I begin begging to him, pleading with him, saying anything under the sun just for the hope that he has some heart and would send back the $200 if PayPal does end up taking it from me. Already my chequing was fricked but I could do some damage control… I was cocky, thinking PayPal would obviously side with me once they heard the whole story, so I also told him since he’s caused such pain for me out of absolutely nothing, like completely unprovoked, then shit: I want the original $200 PLUS an extra $200 for all this trauma. He responds by blocking me on everything. It’s 4 A.M. and I’m shaking as I’m typing this…
Somehow after all the information I provided, PayPal sides with him. Wow, wait, what? PayPal has since tried to deduct my PERSONAL CHEQUING ACCOUNT multiple times in order to fish back the $200 which I ALREADY HAD TO USE!!! Idk if you ever had a payment tried to be taken out of an account which already has a negative balance, but the payment doesn’t go (it does a minus then a plus) but usually the bank is like WTF and charges you fees. Multiple times = Multiple fees…
Before, I was in the negatives on my ONE chequing account I own… now I’m in the NEGATIVE-NEGATIVES… no clue how tf I’ma get out of it, but we all persevere eventually! I’ve reached out to PayPal but I’m almost sure nothing will come of it.. I’m considering taking PayPal to small claims court to somehow try to fix all this mess, but I fear it’ll break me off more trouble than repair anything. If you want to DM me, I’ll gladly give you my brother’s socials to send a report to his accounts on Instagram or TikTok, or even leave him a not-so-nice comment if you’d like. Also let me know if you know how I can get in contact with the authorities in the country of ‘Georgia.’
I have absolutely no issues posting his socials, address, doxxxing his ass to the fullest extent, all to do whatever’s necessary: because I fear he will one day gain notoriety and scam a shit ton of people. Praying that never happens.
Let me know what y’all think!!!

So, I (F38) was the only one at my parents home for a couple of weeks while they were on an out of country trip in March so I could house-sit and pet-sit their two cats and two dogs, while also keeping up on my college studies. We were having nasty weather the entire time the folks were gone and it's not uncommon that the weather might affect, or even knock out internet signal. Our neighbor is in her early 50s. I'll call her Jean. Some months ago, she had a roommate move in who is in her late 40s/approaching her 50s. I will call her Lisa.
During this stormy weather, Lisa texted me and asked me if our internet was working and if so, could she connect to it for the night because like me, she is doing college courses online and was in the middle of homework and could not get her laptop to connect back to theirs or get theirs to reset. I figured it was just the storm had knocked theirs out so I said, "Okay.But that password doesn't go to anyone else and please reconnect to yours when you get it back on." She agreed and thanked me. That was the second week of March.
This week and last week, the internet has been especially slow and that has been a seemingly increasing issue. Now, while I don't think it's solely due to anyone else using it, it did make me wonder if Lisa had ever got it switched back over. I had just assumed she did and didn't give it a second thought at the time. I shot her a text and asked her last night if she had switched back over to their internet or if, by chance, was she still using ours. It was late but as she is up late at night a lot and I could see the light still on where her bedroom window is from mine, I had sent it anyway. Almost immediately, I received the read receipt, but no response.
So, I mentioned the whole thing to my folks and told them I was pretty sure she just keeps using our internet. They were understandably irritated about it too so I went ahead and changed the password to our wifi, got all our devices at home logged back in and went to bed. Almost 7 hours later, I get a reply in which Lisa claimed she had just seen the message, that SHE hadn't been using our internet and had just been relying on her mobile Hotspot on her phone to connect her laptop to, but that Jean had been using it for their TV but "I guess you don't want us to have it since you changed the password."
Now, I really like Jean a lot and she has been super kind and helpful when our family has needed it and we try to do the same in return.
Jean has told us Lisa had agreed to a monthly rent amount but hasn't paid since the first month and keeps saying she has a check coming and the she'll pay Jean. Lisa does not contribute to grocery money. She doesn't contribute any rent so she isn't helping with bills and last we knew, the only thing she WAS covering was the internet bill. Lisa's boyfriend 'Greg' stays over for a few days a week and spends all day and night with her. He doesn't contribute to bills either and Jean has been absolutely stressed out over being the only one working. On top of all that, she never gets a break because on her days off from work, Jean's daughter drops her granddaughter off (and often in the afternoons after she gets out of work and her granddaughter gets out of school, too).
I ignored Lisa's message and after the folks got up, I told them about it. They agreed that considering "for the night" had been over 2 months and no one had asked if they could just use out internet for a while, she has no reason to send something so arrogant.
However, a couple of hours later, my mother says she thinks we just need to give Jean the new password because she has done a lot for us and she is dealing with so much stress because of Lisa and that if having our internet helps her out, then we should. I said I understand that but I AM concerned that if they give her the new one, it will wind up being given to Lisa, to Jean's daughter and her friend that hangs out there frequently.
I am POSITIVE that Lisa either told Jean that she was still paying for internet service and just told her what network to connect to or she told Jean that we said they could just use ours if rhey couldn't get their own and I don't know which. Whichever it was, Lisa lied. I HATE being lied to and I HATE being nice or helpful to someone and they take advantage of it. Now, with their concern about adding stress to Jean and being unfair to her, my folks have since changed their mind and think I'm being TAH and are even making excuses for Lisa now, suggesting I started up an issue. They gave the new PW to Jean (which again, I see nothing wrong with) knowing it will likely be given to Lisa again and that just feels like awarding bad behavior.
So reddit, AITAH?

I have a lot going on in my mind, but i dont know what to say, or dont have the energy.
My anxiety and depression started to severly affect my life 10 years ago for the first time, when i was 19. I am 29 now, had a great job that I just quit with the excuse of physical health issues (spinal cord/nerve issue makinh it harder for me to sit), but i think what i am suffering with is my mind. Been diagnosed with ADHD 5 months ago. So I've been voluntarily jobless for 2 months now.
I wanted to take a break for myself and get better. I wanted to travel and learn new things. But, just a month before my last day at work, I texted my ex to check how he is doing. He has tried to contact me over the past 4 years, but since all his communication seemed accusatory, I thought i was protecting myself by avoiding him. This was my only relationship, we were together (long distance) for 4 years. He was inconsistent and dishonest from the get go. He would lie to me about going out with his female friends, would talk to them for hours and ignore me. He always called me crazy for misunderstanding friendship, but you dont hide it from your partner if there's nothing wrong in what you are doing. He was always harsh with me when i wanted to discuss that it hurts me. I used to text him in panic sometimes, because i didnt know who else to contact when i didnt understand what i was going through. I was feeling suicidal, consistent panic attacks, and a volatile relationship did not help. He was abusive on calls, and never respected me. He would force me to do things, and threaten to stop talking if I didnt do them. And whenever i tried to walk away, he would come back asking to patch up, but the same pattern continued.
As i was having a hard time keepinh myself alive due to my mental health issues, i couldnt take the disrespect anymore, and said i wanted to leave him. I think he thought i would never leave anyway, and provoked me to block him. So in a fit of panic, i blocked him. He owed me a lot of money, so that is the last rhing i asked him to return out of spite. Then he started sending texts that i am doing this to torture him, that i love him and that he didnt understand why i would do this. But i was so anxious all the time, i just couldnt deal with it anymore. The few times i did pick up the call, he would say things like "tell me your decision now or i will decide what i will do with my life" implyinh he would kill himself. I told him i can redirect him to resources that can help, but that i cant be in the relationship because i dont feel safe anymore. He was always very unstable and never ready to have a proper conversation. So everything he said seemed like emotional manipulation. But everytime i read the texts he sent, about how awful and hopeless he felt after i blocked, i feel like i monster. I cant help but feel guilty about the way i dealt with it.
I went to therapy later, also had a phase of self-care when i was lookinh forward to my future, and then fell back to hectic work. But have been feeling extremely anxious and hopeless since August last year - that is when i reached out for a diagnosis and got diagnosed with ADHD in January.
I dont know what made me want to contact him, but after an episode of panic attack in March, I just texted a 'how are you'. He responded well, and we had a normal chat about current worklife. Then 2 daya later, he called me and apologized for the way he treated me. He cried and opened up about his thought process behind everything, or what he rhought he was doing. This was the first time ever, that i felt like he opened up to me the way I craved. Then we talked for about 10 hours the two days, and he kept sending me good morning texts, and was worried about my physical health. He started giving me tips, and checking upon my exercise and schedule everyday. He called me everyday for the month, and even used to text me if he was going to be unavailable (he never did that when we were together). He asked me to meet multiple times, but i didnt agree to - until after 1.5 months have passed. By then, he had made many remarks about our relationship, reminiscing, when i didnt bring anything up. When we met, he held my hands multiple times, and even pulled me in for a hug (which i withdrew from) when he saw a note in my phone about my anxiety at night and also wondering about my love for him.
After I got home, i felt uneasy, and started the conversation to confirm where we are headed, and that i was starting to get attached to him again, so if this is just friendship, i cant do it anymore. He said he was just being a friend, and that triggered every bad memory i forgot about our relationship. Why would he be so kind, gentle and all things i craved for when we were together, call me everyday, hold my hands multiple times, and call it friendship? like i misunderstood? I sent a few frantic texts and he refuses to be honest and respond on why he behaved that way.
and maybe it's the free time without job, but i feel so depressed and powerless this time. i know its not the relationship that's making me suicidal. It's just my brain being frantic all the time, evern when there is nothing to stress about. i feel like i can go to the best beach in the world, and still feel anxious and breathless. I am seeking therapy again, but all thoughts i have are - i want to get things in order and actually kill myself. i fought the urge for 10 yeqrs, but i dont think i can anymore. i dont know what to do with my life.
and the funny thing is, i feel like i will feel better and want to live if he calls me everyday again. but i guess he doesnt care because i abandoned him years ago when he couldnt deal with the break up too, so i am the "cruel" one. he kept saying i only asked for the money back, which he still hasnt returned, but forgets about all the years i fought for him, for us. my parents are conservative, so it was even harder to hide this from them. why do i feel so powerless now, knowinh that he is actually capable of being better and somebody else is going to get that version? i know this is not rhe end of the world. but i feel like, due to my mental healrh issues, i am hyperfixating on this - hoping that getting some love will fix me. but no, it's always something wrong with me, i feel horrible for being rhis vulnerable and unstable. i kmow i can do better, i jave been there for everybody for years, but i just dont know what to do with myseld anymore. i wamt this pain to end.

I’m really hoping for good advice. I (26F) have been married to my (28M) husband for 2 years now and we have a 14 month old baby. The issue is, I may have unintentionally caught feelings for someone else and I am trying to figure out how to handle it.
Background: My husband and I started dating at 16 (me) and 18 (him). We had a tumultuous relationship due to him excessively partying and treating me poorly, for the first 5 years. I broke up with him and moved out of the apartment we shared. We spent 6 months apart and ultimately got back together because I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. He promised he would never treat me like that again and he didn’t. We’ve been together 5 years since that breakup. 2 years ago we got married, bought a house, and had a baby together. things got really rocky between us, which resulted in me spending a lot of time alone/with friends following several attempts of communication and no effort on his end. I started feeling like I wanted a divorce.
Now here is the situation that I found myself in. 2 years ago, a new guy (let’s call him Jake, 28M) started working at my job. I realized quickly that I was very attracted to him. For this reason, I avoided him at all costs, but still had to communicate with him because we were on the same team. Strictly work related conversations. I am also very close friends with a woman at work (let’s call her Maya 49F). Maya and I hangout outside of work regularly. I left work for 7 months of maternity leave. During this time, I was very emotional (postpartum) and really didn’t see anyone.
Upon my return, I realized that Maya and Jake had become very close friends. A new guy also started at our work while I was gone (let’s call him Kade 39M) who also became very good friends with Maya and Jake. The three of them hung out a lot while I was gone. Upon my return, I basically joined their friend group and began hanging out with them regularly outside of work. Now, I still avoided Jake at all costs. I had very limited conversation with him, when going out together. I never had his number and we never texted until the next time we went out and Maya asked me to text him to see when he was arriving.
Now, on this night we all went downtown. We decided to head to another bar in a neighboring city. Jake and I realized that we live right next to each other. Maya and Kade carpooled together. I offered to take Jake in my car, as he had walked to downtown and my car was parked there and we’d be heading back to the same place at the end of the night.
Jake and I spoke more during this night (entirely platonically). At the end of the night, I went to drive him home. We ended up talking in the car for hours. Again the conversation was appropriate. No emotional/physical cheating. Just basic things like where we grew up, how work is going, what our favorite places in town are. At the end of the night, Jake confesses that he’s been attracted to me since he started and that he likes me (he knows I’m married and have a child). I stated that I appreciated the honesty but I am married. He understood and stated that he wanted to be friends. He left my car. He never invited me inside, tried to touch me, or did anything inappropriate. He was very respectful. We did not speak at all after this night.
Fast forward a few weeks, I get a call from Maya, who is very concerned about Jake. She stated that he had not been to work in weeks and hadn’t responded to any of her texts or calls. She stated she was going to call crisis response. I offered to stop by his house to check on him, since he lives right next to me.
I showed up at his house, to find him sleeping in the middle of the day. He broke down in tears and told me that he had gotten so depressed (personal issues) that he had not been able to eat, go to work, take care of himself etc. I offered my help. I spent the whole day helping him clean his place and then we went out for lunch together. Again, everything was platonic and my husband knew that I was with him, helping him all day. As you can imagine, I learned a lot about him and how similar we are. He was very grateful that I came to check on him and thanked me for being a good friend. Ultimately, his issues caused him to leave work, so we do not work together anymore.
I would like to point out that during this time, I realized that I was falling for him and knew it was because I felt like I was losing feelings for my husband. I decided to communicate with my husband, once more, about how I was feeling and decided to pour my best effort into our marriage. He also did the same for me, agreeing that we needed to work on things. Presently, things are the best that they have been, in years, between us. I am in love with him and feel satisfied in the marriage. I am happy and continue to give him my all.
The problem is… I can’t stop thinking about Jake. I don’t know how to deal with it. We don’t talk at all, we no longer work together, and I see him maybe once a month or once every two months, when Maya invites us both to something. Last time, which was a week ago, it was unavoidable, as I was out at lunch with Maya and she called Jake in the middle of lunch, to invite him to come and have a drink, as he lives nearby. I barely spoke to him the whole time.
The issue is, it’s been making me feel very down. I catch myself thinking about him everyday, wondering what he is doing, and thinking about how it would be nice to hangout again. It feels like I’m going through heartbreak while married - which is so silly. I’ve tried to stay busy, focus on my husband and child, and avoid all contact. Nothing helps. I can’t stop thinking about him. It has made me feel so down that it has interfered with my ability to complete everyday tasks. I’ve fallen into some sort of depression over this.
I know the whole thing with people thinking the grass is always greener on the other side, when really it isn’t. I know people romanticize others, and turn them into the ideal person in their head, when that isn’t the reality. I feel like I’ve now seen the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of him and it hasn’t changed the way I feel. He is basically me in male form and that has done my head in.
Of course, some details are left out due to the crazy length of this post already. The post makes it sound like I feel this way based on 1-2 interactions. I’ve gotten to know him quite well over the last 8 months and things are no longer imaginary in my head. I know his personality well, his struggles, and favorite things. I know all about his family, upbringing, values, and beliefs. I’m not trying to justify anything, just explaining that he is everything I thought he would be, which is where I think my feelings are coming from.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How do I get over it? I feel like I’m really doing everything I can to move past it, but I can’t help the way I feel. I have no intention of cheating or leaving my husband. It has been 8 months of me feeling this way and nothing has changed. My brain can’t seem to let it go. I’ve never been in this situation before.
If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time and sorry for the long post.
TL;DR: I (26f) am married to my (28M) husband. I caught feelings for my (28m) coworker and I’m trying to get over it. Looking for advice.

My mother has over 10+ autoimmune diseases and she's always sick and in pain but she still gets through. A few months ago, she suggested that I get a summer job because there will be a car available for me at the house (I just graduated undergrad and I'm starting my master's in the fall) and so I decided to start searching for a job because I don't want to be a bum all summer like I have been my entire life. Every single summer I fall into a depressive episode, don't wake up at good times, barely eat, don't work out, never leave the house, etc. But this summer I wanted something different. So after getting the inspiration to apply for jobs, I scored 3 different ones. I decided not to do the first one because I'd be working 24/7 (literally) and it wouldn't be great for my mental health and the pay sucks. I got a second job offer where I would be out in western America for 3-4 weeks, then I'd be in my home state about two hours ish away for another 4-5 weeks. After wanting to do the second job, I told my mom about it and she suddenly said I don't need to work and that she doesn't want me to go and that it wouldn't help my career. I was so confused because getting a job in the first place was all her idea. Then I got another job offer that was significantly closer to home, would help with my career, and I could stay home for the summer and I thought it would be great because I could use the car, but then she said she's not willing to let me use the family car for a job. Then, when I started considering staying, I had a few requests, (1) that I could use the family car to go to the gym and that I would pay for the membership and gas, and (2) that I can use the kitchen appliances to make my own food (they're new and my parents don't allow me to use the stove for anything and only they're allowed to make food but they work remotely in their offices all day so I don't really have time to get either of them to make me food. I learned this from staying home for a few weeks this winter when we got the new appliances). So after requesting those two things, she said no to both and that I should cope with what we have at home. So then I decided I was going to take the job out west because I need to stay on this upwards slope I'm going with my mental, physical, and emotional health.
This weekend, it was my graduation and a week or so before my mother said she didn't want to go and that she wanted to go on a trip because her anniversary is later in the week of my graduation and that I was basically being selfish for not choosing to take a trip for my graduation. Some context, we were planning on going on a trip to Europe for years but then a year or so ago my mother said it wasn't going to happen and so when she asked if I wanted to go to my undergraduate graduation or go on a trip I chose my graduation because I never got a real high school graduation because I graduated in 2020 during the pandemic. So, this past week, she was upset with me about this and she had gotten sicker and so I told her not to come because (1) she doesn't want to come and (2) she's sick, but she decided to come anyways and I am very grateful she did. Fast forward to today, my mother texted me saying that she's not doing well and she wants me to stay home this summer and not do the jobs I have lined up so she can get a break (from worrying about me and financially, even though she said she'd not paying a dime to get me to my job or to help me with my job). She's been coughing a lot and I think it's because she has a respiratory infection from a medication she started taking that could cause a side effect of a respiratory infection but when she went to the doctors they couldn't determine what was wrong with her.
I'm trying to think of I'm leaving anything out... Well for one, I'll be home for the next 2 weeks and then I'm going out to the job out west for 3-4 weeks and then I'm coming back to our home state to work the second part of the job but I won't be living at home. Also, I can't just drop out of the job because (1) I signed a contract, and (2) the company paid for my flights out west and back and the tickets are non refundable and I may want to work with this company next summer.
All in all, I don't know what to do. I know she's not doing well but if she dies I will truly regret it, and if I don't do this job I will regret it, probably fall into a depressive episode, will lose weight (which has been an issue and I'm finally a healthy weight now), and I won't be able to go anywhere because I'm not allowed to drive the car except to run errands for my parents. Additionally, my sibling just graduated grad school and my mother is wanting them to come home too even though they're in the process of starting their life in another state as well... My sibling coming back to our home state is a whole 'nother story with countless issues that I don't want to get into.
All in all, what should I do? I don't think she's going to die, but I don't want her to get sicker worrying about me. But I need the freedom to workout, work a job to be productive, to not fall into another depressive episode, and to experience life in a state I've been wanting to go to ever since I was a kid. But I also do care about my mother and she's worked so hard to provide for me and my sibling and I don't want to be selfish. But for how long will I be stuck at home during the summer, not having any freedom, before I become a real adult and have to live my own life? I just want to experience things while I'm still young but I also don't want to lose my mother. I may be overreacting with how bad her health is but she never asks me to stay home, but I've always been home for the summer.
Any advice?

My brother married an actual psychopath. My brother (40) married the scummiest scum of the earth. Who can only be described as a whore, a psycho, sociopath and an all around terrible human being. It was against the wishes of EVERYONE. For back story…She had a child by another man… and only had him (in november) to live off the government. he met the stray hoe took care of her and her unborn child. they started dating in september and by christmas she had drained his bank account. He moved in with her days after christmas. Proposed. And got married sometime between march and june i honestly can not be bothered to know exactly when. The night before brother was admitted to the er for staph infection in his berries. After the “wedding” that was in the back yard of some pastor . they had a “reception”. Where i photographed/observed the following. A used tampon on washing machine. Shit filled diapers littering the nursery. A surreal amount of clothing on the bed. I said nah im good. And went home. The wedding was in may and she got my brother to legally adopt her child. Im forever convinced if not for my brother she would casey anthony her child. She Munchausened her kid and my brother. Self diagnosing the kid with autism. Pushed or made my brother fall and get multiple concussions. Drugged him with date rape drugs to keep control of him. She was a frequent flier to the ER going to the emergency room for unnecessary reasons. She refused to parent her child insisting that its the worlds job to teach him the bare minimum. She refused to clean as well. Her cockroaches had cockroaches. Cleanliness was mental illness for her. She kicked my brother out asking for divorce. But realized she had to leave bc he paid the bills. She stayed with whoever the hell would take her. Was forced to walk wherever she needed to go. And uttered the words “well i had to walk in the rain so theres my bath for the week” after growing tired of not having his card and money she came crawling back. She avoided parenting like the plague. Every excuse. Uti. Migraine. Yeast infection. Its a tuesday. When her son was 2 she left to go to another state and go to school for being a truck driver. Had no qualms of leaving her kid behind for weeks. Then she dropped out of 18 wheeler school. It seems the wheels on her bus fell off. For someone who doesnt believe proper hygiene was important she didnt believe bathing him and basic care was important. Feet encrusted in dirt and dirt under overgrown nails. It was so noticeable that when i cut his nails his teacher made comment about it. Her family was just as absent as you would expect. Her mother only went to the first birthday party when the child was 6. And didnt even know her own grandchild. Asked another child at the party if he had the best birthday! My mom looked at her and said “yeaaa thats the wrong kid…” Fast forward when the first born was 6 and she birthed her second. This had no change and her parenting never improved. Another child encrusted in dirt. After the youngest turned a year and a half my brother had knee surgery and stayed with us (me mom dad) to recover because she would have made him cook clean and parent. While he was healing for the week he was there she moved in her boyfriend AND girlfriend. By the way she not only a hoe she is a promiscuous hoe with no moral compass. I promised my mom id never call CPS however when the second was 2 i had a friend call cps. Like a special ops team cops went in at 2 am and gathered the children and brought them to me and my parents. We had the 2 year old and a friend of the hoe had the 8 year old. For 2 weeks my brother agonized over his kids being taken. And she had a vacation. She treated it as if having your kids repo’ed as a right of passage. Told the world. Told the teacher. And had the time of her stupid life. In the 2 weeks i had them i had minions collecting screenshots of statuses of her being a bad mother. Which was super easy bc every thought made it to facebook. Such as. “My dentist suggested i brush my teeth at least once a day” “i guess i was doing (brother) with the wrong meds and made him sick” “why dont grandparents raise our children” i gathered these gems and photographic evidence of the state of the house and cleanliness of children to cps, police and eventually divorce lawyer. During their time together the hoe broke my brother mentally spiritually emotionally physically financially. The food stamps ran out in the first week of every month spent on junk soda and unnecessary nonsense. They had to ask my mother for money that accumulated to the tune of $10,000 over 10 years. She is also a gofundme whore. She would start a gofundme 10-12 times a year for any and everything. She decided at one point to go back to school and did an amazon wishlist for school supplies and a gofundme for “gas food and other expenses”. Being the trash human she is she is friends with people of unsavory character. An actual crack head bought her entire amazon wishlist. Which she put on facebook. Yikes. At one point she found a dog and instead of finding the owner she finders keepers that poor pup. Making yet another gofundme for dog expenses. I told my friends i would paaaay them to claim the dog as theirs so my mother didnt pay for yet another mouth to feed. If youre curious about the gofundmes and if they were ever fruitful… when a bull milks a calf will her gofundme work. The final year of their marriage was no less chaotic. The christmas of 2019 she posted on facebook that its so wonderful that her husband is out working and her boyfriend is sleeping next to her and her girlfriend is cooking. Tagging the aforementioned on facebook. My brother was humiliated because infront of church members family and friends his marriage and all the stupidity that came with it was out in the open for all to judge. My brother was at the time a corrections officers and let his kind nature and naivety get him in trouble. A person asked him to take some taco bell to an inmate and in what could only be called a moment of stupidity (sorry mom) he did so. what he didnt know is they put drugs in it and when it was scanned he was arrested. My mom and dad had to bail him out too him home and around 3 am he called me “they voted me out” beyond confused i asked what the hell does that mean? As it turned out. Hoe boyfriend and girlfriend unanimously voted him out of the house. Mind you. Single wide trailer housing 4 adults 2 kids a dog and cats. June of 2020 he moved back in a month later if the children followed. after the actual breadwinner left the house the unemployed baboons could not pay the rent and were kicked out. The three went down to two with the girlfriend being let go. Hoe and boyfriend moved in with her mother. And boyfriend wrecked the car in my brothers name. Dui and head on collision. Car gone! The children stayed with us. The youngest was 2 at the time and began calling my mom “mommy” which pissed off the hoe. And she never contacted them. At the hearing for the divorce she stated all she wanted out of the relationship was not money or visitation. But her maiden name back. TAKE IT. AND LEAVE US THE HELL ALONE. She also used a photo of her kids on a gofundme to get sympathy and posted that to a fetish website. Seeing as the photo was them shirtless i believe that was on purpose. She dumped boyfriend and found a new love in new hampshire. She was in NH for 8 months with her new boyfriend and he lost his job so they moved back down. After a summer of no contact she called and told the children “when i get home we are going to….” And listed about 10 events places and activities to look forward to. None of which she delivered on. After not spending time with them again and choosing to give up her weekend with them to play video games for 30 HOURS STRAIGHT. She eventually in 2024 decided that her and her boyfriend were moving to Massachusetts. Seeing how she is a practicing witch my only hope is the salem witch trials reconvene. She married the dude she abandoned her kids for. On mothers day the children who no longer give a damn she exists were forced to call and tell her happy mothers day. Where the 6 year old proceeded to tell her the older brother got a phone and didnt wanna give her his number. She assured him that as his mother its quite alright to give mommy dearest the number to which the youngest said yea no he doesnt want to. The mouths of babes. She cried and posted on facebook not only do her children hate her but she had to give up her cats too. And wished the “real mom’s of the world a happy mothers day” shes a shit cat mom too! A week after we had spaghetti for dinner and the 6 year old said “i never used to like spaghetti. I only tried it at… whats her names house? Jordan? Yea her house” With their father engaged to a good Godly woman with morals and standards the worst mother to ever mother has been replaced and so far we are all living happily ever after. The moral of the story is if you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas what if you lay down with whores end up with bedbugs and that was a very costly moral

Hi so I’m not sure where to start I am 18 and in my last year of Highschool. I have been talking to a guy, let’s call him Thomas also 18, since last August. We started texting every day, hours at a time, I personally thought that we got very close since we shared quite a lot of personal stuff from family dynamics to our deepest thoughts. Because a big part of this time was during our prelim and exam phase we didn’t see each other in person. In the start of November he suddenly stopped texting and I didn’t hear anything from him anymore. I was actually really worried that something happens since he was on a farm during that time. Turns out he just ignored me that stung. I am a person that does everything very head on so I absolutely confronted him end of November after exams and right before the holidays. He looked and me like he wasn’t sure what to say and answered with I’m so sorry my mama didn’t raise me like this I’m so sorry but it’s some personal reasons. Personally I thought that that’s a stupid response but fair enough. During the holidays I visited a friend overseas. We had fun going to parties having fun with guys, some of her friends, spend doing fun stuff like skiing and spending time together she really helped me get over Thomas. So fast forward to march. A friend invited me to her birthday and we somehow got on the topic of crushes/ boyfriends. We are 6 girls and since we all are in about the same classes we knew each other quite well. Let’s cal one of the girls Mary, Mary was right before the birthday party on a date with a friend of mine let’s call him Matt. Matt just joined us during this school year and I kinda included in my friend group( 4 guys plus me) and since he was a nerd and most of my friends where it fit amazing. I talked a lot with Matt and we got close but just as friends. So Mary tells the whole table that she knows who my crush is. I thought she is talking about Thomas and was like was I that obvious. She responded with is it Matt. I answer with a hell no. She is taken aback and no everyone is looking at me like who is it. Since I still have a crush on Thomas even after last year I say well it’s Thomas. Immediately everyone is like aww you would be such a sweet couple and are you talking. I share the general details as in this post and with that I thought it was done. Nope. Mary’s best friend Theresa even pushed me to start talking to him again as well as Mary throughout the whole evening. This was on a Friday, that same weekend I get absolutely drunk and drunk call Thomas. He picks up “hi are you ok I’m at a family dinner is everything ok or can I call you back later” me even surprised that he picked up explained him that I was drunk and that I’m so sorry. He’s absolutely fine with it and since then we have been texting every day and again for hours. So during the time from march till now every time i got close to Matt ( just as friend) Mary has been asking me how things with Thomas are if I’ve been texting with him telling me that I should just go with him for coffee, you get the point. Fast forward to yesterday. Another friend at that parity let’s call her Daphne came to me and asked me what i knew about Theresa. I was like “ nothing why” turns out that Theresa has been texting Thomas since start of January, meanwhile telling me to be brave and put myself out there. Daphne told me because she was close friends with Theresa till on Monday when Daphne texted Thomas( as friends) and Theresa saw the name and took the phone out of her hands. Apparently there was a whole argument between them and Daphne realised what had happened and what Theresa did. Daphne when to me and spilled the beans. There is a little bit more drama involving Thomas Theresa me and another girl regarding prom but that is less important. I’m sorry it got so long. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I feel like I’m in a game of cat and mouse, and I’m the mouse. I was completely shocked when I found out and can’t honestly wrap my head around. I hope someone has advice for me who I should confront or what I should do in general.

The main events take place in the summer of 2023, but before that there’s some pretty crucial information you need to know.
Many moons ago, three or four years before I was forced to live with the burden of knowing my dear friend, some shit went down.
Sophomore year of high school, Heather and my now boyfriend Tony were besties with another girl, that I will call Jane (the sweetest person I’ve ever met, by the way). At some point, Jane and her boyfriend went on a break, and Heather decided, for some reason to this day unknown, to try and sext her best friend’s ex boyfriend. I say “try” because he never really indulged her, which made the whole situation all the more embarrassing. Heather, however, lacking self-awareness and critical thinking skills, decided to keep this up for over five months, after which Jane and her ex got back together, and he told her everything. Contrary to Heather, Jane decided to be a good friend and wait for Heather to come clean about her actions without revealing she already knew everything.
And so she waited. But Heather never said anything.
Keep this in mind, it’ll be important later.
Fast forward to February 2022, yours truly is introduced on the scene by becoming Heather’s roommate during our first year of college. Surprisingly we got along pretty well, we became really close friends in a very short time. She was also the extroverted one (also important) of the two and really helped me come out of my shell, so for a while I was really grateful to her. Anyway, throughout the three months we lived together she was constantly talking about her friends Tony and Jane from back home, but especially referring to Jane as her best friend, the only one that really knew her and that she really trusted.
Her friend Tony was also a very popular topic in conversations, and the reason she convinced me to visit her home country that summer, which resulted in us dating but I will spare you the details of that because it’s a different story (although a good one too).
The summer ends. She moves back to her country, I go back to mine, now pursuing two long distance relationships, the one with my boyfriend and the one with my only friend. So, in January 2023 plan a trip there with Tony but I decide not to tell Heather, and to let it be a surprise instead.
This is where the thing I told you to remember comes back for the first time, and I get front row seats for this years-long conflict finally unraveling.
Jane decided she had enough of waiting for her friend to become decent and slowly started growing apart from Heather, who had actually started the fight by accusing Jane of ignoring her.
When asked about the reasons for her behavior, some of Heather’s responses were, and I kid you not, “BRO I HAD A PLAN” and “IT’S LITERALLY NOT MY PROUDEST MOMENT”.
So. Yeah. Needless to say, they stopped being friends.
Now, for some reason, Heather decided to start this fight on the groupchat with my boyfriend, which meant I had access to everything, and after learning about everything I started to question my friend’s actions for the first time. Like, yes I knew she was a bit stubborn, and annoying, but who isn’t. Betraying someone you have talked about multiple times as your best friend and then lying about it for years, however?
But I decided to put my worries aside for the moment and just be more careful around her before I actually formed an opinion. I also had never met Jane before so at that point it probably wouldn’t have been my place to intervene.
During my trip, I get the idea to plan a surprise party for Tony in the summer and I share it with Heather who seems on board and ready to help.
That aside, the rest of my visit was pretty uneventful up until my last day there.
It being my last day, I wanted to spend it with all my friends, so me, Tony, and Heather met up at a mall to hang out. After a while, I noticed Heather looking pretty down so I asked her if she was alright. She told me she was feeling a bit worried because she got the impression that Tony was growing more distant from her. She revealed to me that this actually already happened before, during Tony’s last relationship, and she was scared it was going to happen again. “And I’m so sorry for involving you like this but do you think you could talk to him for me?”
Now, you have to know Tony and her were never the best of friends; he’s always been closer to Jane than he was with her, simply because they don’t have many things in common. Heather also had the habit of constantly bringing up his ex in my presence, by making weird comparisons with me about literally anything. “Oh, you’re dyeing your hair red? Tony’s ex also dyed her hair red for a while. Omg your eyeliner is so good, you know Tony’s ex actually—”
No. I do, in fact, not know and I would like to keep it that way.
So when she mentioned his ex, being the idiot that I am, I felt so bad because I somehow assumed it was my fault, that I distracted him from his friends with my psychic evil girlfriend powers and therefore it was my responsibility to fix it.
So in May, I start planning Tony’s birthday party and Heather decided that for some reason it was her job to invite people and plan activities and literally plan the whole fucking party actually. She kept making suggestions I knew he would hate and inviting people he outright said he couldn’t stand, until I had enough and was forced to put my foot down. I let her invite her boyfriend and a friend of hers and handled the rest myself. In the meantime, I contacted Jane. Because unlike Heather, I know my boyfriend well enough to understand who his friends are so I always knew Jane was going to make the list, which I anticipated to Heather back in February. Her response was something along the lines of, “It’s okay for me if it’s okay for her”, which I thought was good enough. After all, I wasn’t expecting them to chat like nothing had happened but I assumed they would both be mature enough to put their differences aside for their friend’s sake.
The day of the party comes and Heather and I get there early to set things up, and when we’re in the bathroom doing our makeup she goes, “Hey, this might be a weird question but did Jane mention if she was bringing anyone?”.
This is where I might have been a bit of a bitch. Because Jane did actually ask me if she could bring her boyfriend, the same guy from the story that keeps coming back, and she even apologized for that, but knowing there were going to be three couples at the party already, including Heather and her own boyfriend, I didn’t even think twice before saying yes. However, I also failed to mention that to Heather until the day of the party.
When she found out, she was gone. Completely lost the plot, would not hear reason. She spent the whole evening sitting on the couch next to her boyfriend, with her back to the rest of the party, ignoring everyone else unless they asked her a question directly or forced her into conversation. After the umpteenth failed attempt of including her I felt so guilty I went to cry in the bathroom thinking I had ruined my boyfriend’s party because Heather was not having fun.
Days later, when all of this turned into a paragraph fight via text, instead of apologizing she kept attacking Tony for being rude to her and not understanding that she is very introverted and has “major anxiety”, and that was the reason why she didn’t even try to celebrate his birthday with him once throughout the night. Something I found hard to believe as I had been in that position before, while she was the one to help me out of it, introducing me to new people. So I am well aware of what it means to feel out of place, which is why I tried my best that night, and I also know that if she really wanted to do more, she would’ve.
During the fight, I finally had the opportunity to really talk to Jane for the first time and finding out about some things Heather did to her while they were friends reminded me of something else she did to me.

Back in November 2022, I got on birth control. Naturally I texted my friend, telling her about it.
Her response was, and I quote: “I have a theory. I’ve noticed a pattern where all of Tony’s girlfriends (ex and you) have started taking birth control since dating him soooo he either forced the girls or the girls don't care about STDs and accidental pregnancies. And the side effects obv.”
So I brought this back up during our fight. She tried to deny and to claim she was simply in “shock” because of my sudden interest in birth control, but I sent her back the proof of how she ignored everything I was trying to tell her only to keep trying to prove her hypotheses. My message said: “I was excited because I had done my research, I found a gyno and I went on my own and I texted you knowing that I couldn't share that excitement with my mother so I thought my friend would understand but instead you just came up with conspiracy theories about Tony forcing his girlfriends to get on BC or his girlfriends not caring about accidental pregnancies which was extremely insulting and I still don't know what your intention was because if you were joking it wasn't funny. I was being really vulnerable and you just basically chastised me. I can understand not agreeing but there's ways and ways to say that, you can still be happy and supportive while disagreeing, which was not what you did at all.”
She apologized but also said “I’m sorry you felt that way”. I decided to leave it at that and forget about it.
A couple of weeks later she angrily texted me wondering why I didn’t wish her a happy birthday.
So, AITA?

I have a friend with whom I have had an affair over the course of two years. We are both religious and out of guilt or anger he has a history that he would block me, then unblock me, to get out of having difficult conversations. He was supposed to be a father figure from my church when my dad died but he craved the sexual and I gave it to him to ensure his attention. Blocking me, and me going around him blocking me, is a normal part of our conversations and at times he has complimented me for having the persistence to work around him blocking me.
We told his spouse (I always had kept my spouse informed in an attempt to mitigate the risk of the affair occurring) in February and she asked that he block me. She told me not to talk to him, but he never told me what he wanted. Over the course of a month and a half our friendship resumed with no physical contact although there were inappropriate overtones to the conversation. In the past two months we have occasionally discussed what’s going on with his facebook account and his wife’s Facebook account and he never seemed bothered that I asked about it.
This past week he admitted to having a different three year affair besides me, and was confiding in me about that relationship. He claimed it was before me after admitting it was three years , and also claims it was with his third wife (his current wife is the 4th but he claims the 3rd wife is the only woman he ever loved). He said it was during his fourth marriage . After admitting or claiming these things, I asked if he’d confided in his wife as well. He got very angry and said never to ask him about his past again. He told me I was too consoling. Then he claimed that there was no three year relationship and I was just so paranoid that I think everything is a CIA conspiracy. (I enjoy spy stuff in measure)
We texted cordially the following day, and after he worked I went to see him, we got ina fight where he claimed I am making up that he has all these women and asked me to tell him where they were. I was angry at this standard because of COURSE he doesn’t let me see his phone to see his phone to know who he texts. I’ve only seen him deleting texts from one other woman so his wife wouldn’t see. And I doubt highly that she is the reason he disappears from texting at 8 every morning at work.
I decided to avoid him for a while and was going to go a few weeks without texting him. I was missing the contact though and went on Facebook because sometimes he’ll have his wife posting things to make me jealous or he’ll leave a hint he misses me. So I looked his profile up as usual- and then his wife’s, per usual, except her page didn’t come up automatically like it usually does. So I searched her name on all Facebook and was scrolling through the hottest hits of all her posts. I figured they were just memories that I had processed with him before until I ran across a post she’d made about a baby he’d given up for adoption, or a girlfriend had, that was born when I was 5.
I wrote to him very angry that he never followed through on being a dad to me like I asked him to. How I felt devalued and why couldn’t he imagine her in me so to speak.
He sent me a google screenshot of the indiana rules for cyberstalking and I got frightened. I said I wasn’t stalking. His wife has asked that we not contact her, but I didn’t do that. I can imagine her being unhappy if she knew I saw her page, but if she blocked me I wouldn’t go around it. He claims that I couldn’t have known that without looking intentionally for it, but it literally came up at the top of the hits. Am I in legal danger? I asked if he wanted me to cease communication and he said please stop communicating so I did. I blocked her Facebook but what if I access her public poasts again? I am afraid of legal action and don’t know if it’s a high risk.
He may claim to his wife that I contacted him out of the blue. She doesn’t know we’ve been in contact consistently for two months. I’m sad to lose my friend. I’m also scared.

Hello all -- first time poster here. Sorry for the really long post, I guess part of this is therapeutic for me just to write out.
I've really been struggling recently, as my wife has come to absolutely despise by 67 year old mother, and I'm not sure if there's anything that can fix it.
A little bit of my history. I've always been very close with my family. I grew up in a south Asian household (although I always felt we integrated nicely with a lot of American culture -- both me and my sibling have lived in a large US city our entire lives and consider ourselves American both in culture as well as nationality). However, as in many Asian cultures, respect for elders is extremely important. I always had a parent-child relationship with my parents (meaning that they were in charge, and not interested in being my friend, but rather my mentors and provided invaluable guidance over the years). Both of my parents sacrificed a lot for me and mysibling, but especially my mom who chose to forgo advancing her own career, and to work part time in order to raise my sibling and I. I've always had a good relationship with my mom, although we've had our share of fights over the years (we're both pretty stubborn), but they typically last no more than a 3-5 days on average and then things are completely back to normal. I would say this happens an average of 1-2 times per year at most. I do feel very close with my mom (& my dad as well, but my wife doesn't seem to have any issues with my dad so I'm not focussing on that part). I do believe that much of the success I have achieved in life is directly attributable to the sacrifices my mom made as well as the time she spent raising and teaching me. I have always respected my parents, which is typical of Asian culture. By respect, I mean things like not talking back, valuing their opinions, and trying to make their life easier or happier in small ways (visiting them on weekends, going out to dinner together -- we live roughly 40 minutes apart).
A bit of my wife's history -- she grew up with her parents being divorced from a young age. Both of her parents are wonderful people who I really adore, but they were extremely lenient with her growing up (they were not on top of her with regards to schoolwork, she would talk back to them at times without getting in much trouble, she was able to sneak out of her house as a teen, etc.). These are by no means egregious offenses, and I suspect many kids do the same at that age. However, there was a clear difference in her relationship with her parents -- there was no real enforcement of rules or punishment for breaking rules. Through my lens, it seems that this has manifested as a lack of respect for her own parents, as well as her elders. She mostly has a good relationship with both of her parents, but when she does disagree with them, she talks to them in ways I could never imagine speaking to my own parents (talks back, hangs up on them, etc.). She says that she needs to "put them in their place" at times, which I also find rude. Overall, I would say she grew up much less "family-oriented" than I did, for what it's worth.
My wife is also somewhat of a nomad (mostly not by choice). She moved a few times growing up (within the same state, but different areas), and then went out of state for college, only to leave after 1.5 years and finish at a local state school (in a different state) where her mother lived at the time. Because of this, she has very few close friends, and the ones that she does have are spread out all across the country on different coasts. This is in stark contrast to me. I've been lucky to maintain the same group of friends that I've had since we were 8 or 9 years old. On top of that, most of them have stayed in the same area that we grew up in (where my wife and I now live). I think the lack of a social circle has affected my wife since she moved to my city, but I'm not sure what solution there is for that since there is no city we could live in where she would have a group of close friends or family (her parents live in different states and split time between different states, her 3 closest friends live in 3 different states).
I've known my wife for 8 years and we've been married for 2.5. I love her. She is a great person; she is kind, compassionate, loving, and at her core truly does care deeply about others (though I feel that this does not always come across in the way she talks to her own parents). She's funny, adventurous, and up until recently, I was always happier around her. We were recently blessed with the birth of our son, who is now 11 months old. Our son is the best thing that has ever happened to us, but his arrival seems to have simultaneously strained our relationship in ways I did not anticipate. I knew that the sleep deprivation would be hard, and our lives would change drastically. What I did not envision was a deepening hatred that my wife has developed for my mom.
Prior to the birth of our son, my wife did not have much of an issue with my mom other than thinking she was "needy" for wanting to see myself and my sibling once a week, even if it was just for a dinner (again, we live roughly 40 minutes apart, and my parents are typically willing to drive to us, meet us at a restaurant, or have us over). My mom does tend to be picky with where we eat out (she doesn't eat most meat, and prefers vegetarian options), but that never really bothered me, though it seems to bother my wife that my mom is "getting her way", even though this was at most 1 meal in the week.
I know that my mom can certainly be stubborn and hard to deal with at times, but I know her very well, and I always felt that she was inclusive of my wife, and never did anything that warranted being strongly disliked. The one exception to this was during our son's baby shower. We had planned a large party with a lot of family and friends that my parents hosted (their house is large enough to accomodate a party of that size). During the baby shower, my mom helped arrange catering of food, ordering tables, chairs, tablecloths, and hiring a bartender (my parents also paid for all of this). My wife did not like my mom's taste with regards to tablecloths and chair decorations and she was irritated that my mom wanted to help and be involved in the planning (though to her credit, my wife did not outwardly show this discontent to my mom, though it was certainly made known to me). My wife handled the floral arrangements and other decorative pieces such as a backdrop, and spent a lot of time and effort getting them exactly how she wanted. I kind of sensed that my mom felt that she was being taken for granted and underappreciated by my wife (she did take care and pay for a lot), and my wife felt that my mom was being overbearing with planning, and also felt that my mom was purposefully spiteful (my wife claims that every other member of my family commented on how nice the floral arrangements were, but my mom never did). This culminated in a "fight" where my wife wanted a decorative piece in one part of the yard and my mom wanted it in another part. There was some exchange of words at the time, though I did not witness this. This left my mom feeling that my wife was "disrespectful" and left my wife hating my mom for not honoring her decision about where to place the decorative piece, since this was her baby shower. This led to a very upsetting experience for my wife and I as we really did not enjoy the baby shower at all (although this was not evident to our guests or other family members, as we were able to "fake it"). My wife was particularly upset after the baby shower when we drove home since she felt that it was supposed to be a special day for her, and my mom ruined it, which I mostly agreed with. To her credit, my mom did apologize to both my wife and me the following day, and told us that she had been under a lot of stress with many family members staying at their house, taking care of meals, sleeping arrangements, etc., and her stress got the better of her. I was willing to accept her apology and move on, but my wife has always held a grudge since that time, and feels that the apology wasn't genuine. Again, I've known my mom for a long time and she would rather not apologize at all than do so disingenuously. My wife however insists that she can read my mom better than me, since I'm biased. Nonetheless, we moved forward.
After the birth of our son, my parents and my wife's parents were overjoyed (he is all of their first grandchild). Again, we live near where I grew up so my parents are much closer to us than my wife's parents are. After the birth of our son, my wife's mom rented a place near us for 4 months to help with the baby and chores, etc. I never had any issue with this, even when she would come over multiple times a day, or even unannounced at times (this was not something that bothered me). My parents were (& are) also very eager to spend time with their grandchild, and initially were coming over every other day to see the baby, which then decreased to about twice a week, since he has been 3 months old. My wife has begun having major issues with my parents coming to see our son twice a week now. Perhaps what is most irritating to me is the fact that I anticipated this issue beforehand. I specifically asked my wife when our son was 1 or 2 months old "how often would you be okay with my parents coming to see him?", and her answer was "I would be so happy if it was just twice a week", (which she felt would be a huge improvement over the every other day they were initially coming when our son was a newborn). I assured her that twice a week was very reasonable and she said she'd be happy with that.
Fast forward to now -- my mom comes to visit twice a week for 3-4 hours and my wife says its too much. She says it's suffocating, that she shouldn't have to live her life around my mom seeing our son (which my wife does not, she always tells my mom which days to come, and they are different each week depending on what my wife wants to do), that she feels like she had a kid just for my mom to play with. Again, my mom is never insistent on what days or even times to see our son. She certainly appreciates seeing him regularly, and I always wanted my son to have a close relationship with his grandparents (both sides), as both myself and my wife did growing up. However, my wife's parents do not live near us (and don't come to visit that often). I think this plays a role in terms of her being irritated that my family sees him regularly, but I don't see any solution. Her family is financially able to visit us (very regularly) if they wanted to, but they don't make it a priority. Again, her parents are wonderful people, but they seem to be more interested in their own lives and relationships than they are in forging a deep connection with our son, their grandson (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, but it's the opposite of my family who really want to be close with their grandson, even if it's at the expense of time with their own friends).
I should also add that for the past 3 years my wife has not worked. This started prior to us getting married. She left her job because she hated it, and I am lucky to be in a position to financially support us on my own. However, she always told me she would (& wanted to) get a job in a field that she was more interested in, though she has never been able to articulate what that field would be (actually she was adamant that she would have a job before we got married). I tried to encourage her to find fields that appealed to her, even advised her to take risks with entrepreneurship, to see if she could make a career out of something she considers a hobby. I've paid for countless courses, certifications, etc. (90% of which she did not complete -- things like real estate certifications, social media certifications, photography lessons, camera lenses, etc.). Furthermore, I paid for her to see a therapist of her choosing for a few months hoping it would help her gain clarity with regards to what she wants to do career-wise (it did not). All in all, I've probably spent in the neighborhood of 7-8K on online courses, certifications, and she does not have anything to show for it. Once we got pregnant, we agreed that she would take on more of a domestic role (which is what she said she wanted as well, I did not force her into this -- and she was also not doing anything else for work anyway). The point I'm making here is not that I feel she needs to work, it is just that she gets to see our son all the time (it's not like she's going to work and handing our son off to my mom). Also, many times my wife will say "Oh why don't you come on Monday" when we see my mom (which my mom will then do). Then Monday rolls around and my wife is texting me at work all day constantly complaining about how my mom is interacting with our son (she doesn't watch him closely enough, or she doesn't put him in his crib to nap, or she feeds him when she's not supposed to, etc.), how long my mom is staying, how she feels trapped in the house when my mom is there, etc. She basically wants my mom to come over for no more than 2 hours and then leave (again we live about 40 minutes apart).
This issue she has with my mom seeing our son a couple of times a week for a few hours, has started to cause bigger and bigger fights between us. Part of me understands that my wife's lack of her own social circle of close friends, and not having family nearby is contributing to her unhappiness with our current situation. But the other part of me can't help but feel like I've done everything in my power to help, and it feels that she is just complaining about my mom because she's unhappy with where she is in life. I have tried helping her find a career that she would like, I have tried telling her she can remain a stay at home mom if she wants, I have tried getting her a therapist to help her work through her issues, I have tried encouraging her to join mom & baby classes to meet new friends (which she now attends, but hasn't made any real friends during them), I have offered to joint local couples meetups with her to meet new friends if that would make her more comfortable, I have encouraged her to invite the few local friends she does have over for dinner or even go out with them while I watch the baby, I have offered to move to a part of the city that is even further from my parents, and I've even offered to move cities altogether to be closer to her own family (although her family does not reside in just 1 city, they split time between a few). I've also told her to voice her issues to my mom and hash out whatever the issues are, but she says my mom will see it as disrespectful and "make things even more awkward" (which may in fact be true, but in that case I've told her we would just see my mom less, which is what she wants anyway...). Each time I suggest something, I feel that it is met with resistance or some excuse as to why it won't work (for instance when I suggest moving cities, she says no because I'll "use that against her" in the future if we fight). I'm just not sure where I can take it from here. I'm sure couples counseling has to be a part of the solution in some way, but I'm not sure what they are going to be able to offer that I haven't already tried.
I guess I'm just looking for advice. My guess is my wife wants me to just straight up tell my mom she can't come over twice a week anymore (but I could see my wife having a problem even if it was just once a week), for no good reason. My mom has no idea my wife despises her, and me just randomly telling my parents they can't come over anymore for no apparent reason would cause a rift between me & them. I love my parents and they're only getting older. They're not going to live forever, and I would feel awful if I told them they just can't come to see their grandson because my wife doesn't like my mom for no particularly legitimate reason.
Thanks in advance to whoever read through this, and for whatever advice you can provide.
TLDR - I feel like I've bent over backwards to make my wife happy but she still has a major issue with my mom that I don't know how to resolve.

Beware this will be a long post
So we are both 14 and i met her in choir when i was like 10 or 11 and we became friends! One day i found out she was pansexual and i was cool w it, later on i found out i was bisexual (or lesbian idk) and i told her. Fast forward to the first time i thought she might like me is when we were having a concert in a big hotel and in one of the songs we had a part where we had to dance with a partner, and i ofc chose her. She was kinda embarrassed? And then she whispered to me that she is having gay panic (kinda cringe ngl) and i thought who else could it be other than me cause she was dancing with me.
Now next time i start actually have feelings for her: We were in a buss together travelling to a city to perform and she forgot her phone in a bag that was under the buss so i gave her my phone. After some time passed she put her head on my shoulder and i put my head on her head.
When we arrived we were both together in the same room and when we were getting ready she was singing and putting on songs from Spotify and there is this song that comes up that sings basically About a friend they like but they like someone else. And here is the reason i think this is weird: Before that some months ago i told her i liked this girl from my class (i dont now) and she didnt really seem to care but the song just summed up the situation perfectly if she did like me. Tbh this might be a stupid reason to think that she might like me back.
Then we have the concert and when it ends she has her shoelace untied so i bent down and tied it and we were laughing about it and it felt nice.
After that we grab some food and start going back with the rest of the group and i had an umbrella but she didnt so we both shared the umbrella. It felt so good (romantic? Idk about that but maybe). We get back to the hotel room and we sleep and the day ends. And by so far this is the gayest we have been towards eachother, like that day for some reason i felt like we got closer.
Other random times that make me think she likes me is like two times she says she loves me in English (our language isnt English and we usually talk in English when we are a lil silly) and even one time after a concert i think she kissed my head?? I dont know if that happened though lol.
She has gave me stickers on two different acasions when nothing prompted it even.
Though there are reasons i think she might not like me and they are that we usually dont text eachother or hang out, were just together when we have concerts or rehearsals. So idk lol i am sure i like her but idk if she feels the same way towards me.
I mean i tried to see if she acts like this with her other friends but i dont think she does sooooo yeahhhhhhh. Im not going to confess to her unless she gives me a bigger sign. I also dont wanna ruin the friendship cause she is the only person im out to and im in a very homophobic country so i would rather nothing go out and me being outed for the whole world. It would just make me even more depressed and lonely lmao. She is the only actual friend i feel like i have and i dont wanna lose her. My mom already doesn't really like her sooo that sucks. There is more stuff but this is whats on my mind rn. Help? (Also sorry if the English is bad)

I M23 recently got matched with a girl F21. It was a weird profile but curiosity got the better of me. Since girls make the first move on Bumble she started the conversation with a "Hi" followed by a "Supp". Not sure how this could be a great conversation starter but I tried to initiate a conversation by checking her profile for her interests and BAM. We ended up talking about movies. In a great momentum of flirtatious conversation, I asked her out for a movie and she was astonished. But it backfired, Remember how you see some profiles with multiple people and assume one of them is the owner but look at some signs. That's where I made a mistake. I assumed the girl taking selfies in most of the pictures was the one using the profile. She asked me if I knew which one of the girls she was in the pics and I swiftly responded by mentioning the one taking the selfies. WRONG ANSWER!
She started being mysterious leading me to guess who she was and it went on for a while. Somehow we got to a point where I gave her my number and she called me, I wasn't able to pick up cause I had to go somewhere so I simply asked her to that I would be calling later on. Now, I am a tech guy, and somehow I got her details using her number, simply her profile picture, profession, vague address(Area), and more.
Well, I played along for a while cause we were having the same discussion about professions and stuff once we were on a call, and guess what we started playing an MCQ game and I guessed all the answers correctly (Cause I knew 🤷‍♂️). But it creeped me out because, on the first call, she demanded some attention, not directly but you get the idea when conversing. I do WFH and sleep late most of the time. Before she went to sleep she called me again before midnight, and I didn't want to take any immediate steps so I talked to her for a few minutes and got out of it.
The following day I didn't text since I wanted it to settle down automatically and till evening everything seemed fine. But then she video-called me again and I avoided the call. I don't like to ghost since I feel it's rude. The second option was the send her a text to clear things out but I was not sure what to say. I talked to one of my friends and he advised me to simply tell her what I assumed and how it's making me feel weird and that is what I did.
The text I sent her:
Hey I hope you are doing well I have been thinking about mentioning this since yesterday when we matched on Bumble I was under the assumption that your friend owned the profile i.e. my first guess. I found her cute. I am finding it weird to talk, cause of the way I assumed things previously. So I am not sure if I can move forward. Though I enjoyed the conversation and the vibe, I wish you the best moving forward. Thank you
Her response:
Okay Sorry for everything No issues Nice to meet u
Final Outcome: She blocked me immediately and unmatched me on the App 🤷‍♂️ (PS. I am okay with that)
Not sure if my response hurt her, offended her, or gave her a reality check but I am glad that I came out of this situation clean and square.
From my perspective, I swiped right based on the assumption I made that went wrong (I found the girl I assumed cute). Also, I noticed that in every picture she posted she was on the side and even partially trimmed in some. So initially it was nearly impossible for me to guess who she was. And why do I even need to play Russian Roulette on a dating app. Now some of you might wonder the reason I didn't want to move forward with her since at the end of the day she is a girl. Simply saying it felt like I was catfished by the way her dating profile was set and also she didn't seem very enthusiastic about her fitness (Not body shaming)...
I might have missed some details but if it clicked to someone I will try to add them.
Views?

Ok reddit buckle up this is a long one. As a growing fan of the subs, I’ve decided to tell my story. I 26M was dating my high school sweetheart for five years. We’ll call her CF for short. Yep, you guessed it, young love ignorant bliss the whole nine. At the time, this girl was my world, my life, my future. Well as the title suggests, things got interesting. Reflecting on the relationship now and all I’ve learned, it was unstable, toxic and at times abusive. There were so many red flags I ignored trying to make it work. Not knowing any better I fought to keep us together despite constant fights, arguments, and sleepless nights. Nearing the end of the relationship, in a last-ditch effort to either save what was or get closure that it in fact is over, I naively suggested to open our relationship. My thought process was, if she slept with someone else and felt rotten and/or dirty, then there was hope we could move passed it together. If she had slept with someone else and came home to me seemingly unbothered, then I knew it was over and beyond fixing. I however did not consider the emotional damage I would in turn subject myself to. Now I should clarify I had done some homework on my suggestion and found most blogs, forums and panels all mentioned that rules are important. So, as I mentioned before, this was a trial in finding out just how far gone the relationship was. The rules we set forward are the following: we bring no one to our house, protection must be used, we would never meet the persons together, and the last and most important one for me was I wanted to know as soon as she hooked up with someone, so we could talk and I could make my decision based on her behaviour. I should mention I had no intention of seeing anyone else at this time,I was devoted to her, and had no desire to see anyone else. This was purely to see if she still had love in her heart for me. Ok now into the nitty gritty, so not only was her hook up less than a week after we opened, she also broke a rule and saw her partner for over two months without telling me. Now I know this may be a point to argue, but I saw this as betrayal and cheating. We made rules and they were ignored. Turns out CF was seeing a 45-year-old cop going through a divorce of his own, at the time CF and I were 22. I’m not shaming age gaps, but this one made me sick. One week after our 5-year anniversary yep, she dumped me.
Now I know this is becoming a novel, but the best is yet to come. Ok now where does the dog fit in you might ask. Right, now onto that. Two years into CF and I’s relationship we were given the opportunity to foster a rescue dog, lets call her GA. The day this beautiful kind soul of a companion came into my life, I was in love. Screw fostering we’ll take her. Now GA wasn’t perfect at first but with love, guidance and patience she honestly is one of the best dogs I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting- let alone getting to call her my girl. Now like I said before, GA came with some areas to work on, like not eating couches; two to be exact. Also having a strong dislike of thunderstorms, and other behaviours most common with rescues, but she most notable has epilepsy, requiring medication twice a day to keep them at bay. This is important for later.
Alright so now we’re caught up to the breakup. After dealing with my world burning the best I can, I became angry and decided I wanted nothing to do with her. I helped get all her stuff out and she moved in with her dad. Knowing that GA would remind me of her, I told CF to also take GA. Now her dads a chain smoking, explosive drunk. After giving GA away, I lasted all of two hours before I begged to get her back, I realised I can’t lose everything all in one day. CF very willingly gave GA back. Both of us agreed that my house had more yard space for her and it was a cleaner, more stable home for her. I once again had GA in my life, and it was the best thing to have ever happened to me. Ok fast forward two weeks later I got sited from animal control for having an unregistered dog in the house and had 48 hours to register and pay the fee or I risk massive fines. I went that day, now where I live, pets become registered to the occupant of the registering address, then dog tags are issued to that name. GA also is micro chipped to the same address. So, to recap: CF moves out two weeks later, I’m forced to register GA solely in my name and my address. Now its time to talk about the verbal agreement we made regarding GA’s health, so I had agreed to what I’m choosing to call visitation rights. I’ll explain, so I worked weekends; three 12 hours shifts. GA gets her meds at 9am and 9pm so enter CF. She would come by on the weekend, with written notice, give GA her meds, and spend some time with her, then I would take over when I got home and the rest of the week when CF was working. So, the rules to the visitation: she was to give me written notice prior to stopping by and if I said no to her picking her up, that was final. CF was rarely told no unless I was already out with GA or it was late at night. Its worth mentioning CF still had her house key so effectively she could come and go as she pleased from my residence.
Now fast forward just under two years CF was very good at keeping with the program, written notice, healthy boundaries, and limited contact. I should add at the start, CF and I would chat about the relationship and possibly getting back together or not, then I was told that if CF couldn’t find anyone better than me, we would get back together. I’m no one’s safe bet and that comment broke me. I was hurt, broken, and angry from then on I was personally done with her. I started seeing other people and really living my own life. I’m a firm believer that when you buckle down and take charge of your own life, the universe will reward you. So, from then on, it was limited contact, if CF would message for GA. Then she could take her and I would leave the house and get coffee so I didn’t have to see her.
Ok let me introduce all of you to my current GF lets call her JT for short. She is an incredible, beautiful, smart, funny, and witty. I could use every possible vernacular in the English language to describe her and it still wouldn’t do her justice. Honestly folks, I couldn’t have gotten a better GF if I had ordered one from a magazine. She is truly my first love. CF may have been my first with a few things, but love wasn’t one of them, although at the time I thought she was. Ok I’m off topic so I met JT and things where surreal for the first time in two years since I was dumped. I believed I could love again. As my relationship with JT grew and the love not only grew but blossomed, its worth mentioning CF’s behaviour to me, and our arrangement became sparce. CF began showing up without notice to take GA. At one point me and JT were laying in bed bare under the covers, when CF opened my bedroom door to retrieve GA. Obviously this startled us both. I rushed to check my phone, that perhaps I missed a text... NOPE ok that was unsettling. Now to add to the disrespect of the arrangement, CF was keeping GA for days at a time without informing me. I would have to text her and ask “hey you got GA” CF. “ oh yea she’s with me” Me. “um ok no problem but as per our arrangement you need to make me aware of your plans with my GA”. CF. “yea ok slipped my mind”. Ok, so now you see my growing concern with the ongoing disrespect. I had no obligation to even let CF see GA legally, she was my sole property. Let me clarify real quick: remember how I was sighted by animal control? Well yeah, where I live animals are seen as property, and seeing as how I was sited after she left, GA became mine. Amiss my new found love and bliss, and growing concern, life hit me with one more unfortunate curve ball. I got evicted. Landlord got his GF pregnant and wanted the house I was renting for them to live in. Man, when I tell you that was a shock at the time, with some other things going on it was overwhelming. Turns out it was a blessing in disguise. We found an amazing house 40 minutes away from the city. I live on the cutest farm. Things with JT and I are going amazing! Not only has she made me feel things I thought were long dead, but she made me feel new experiences as well. Ok, decision time. I HATE CF for what she did to me, and I love JT with everything and more. One is getting in the way of the other. So, I devised a plan, taking advantage of my new residence and the distance, along with anonymity: I’m going to move out and cancel the arrangement with CF. Alright time to get to work. One week leading up to the move, I denied CF’s attempts to see GA. I rented a large box truck, and with the help of a small army of close friends and available family, we packed and move the entire house in one day. I would like the take the time now to thank all of you that helped me that day. It was such an empowering and liberating day. Right, so two pickup trucks and a mini van load go out off to the new house. Me, my old man and a dear friend pack the last into the box truck. Now I pre-wrote the message to CF in my notes, consulted a lawyer appraising them of the facts and documents to make sure what I had written was clear, concise, and contained the right verbiage for legal standing if need be. I hopped in the truck, started the engine, sent the text and drove off. Oh, I forgot to mention I did in fact change the locks and made my landlord aware of everything. Off I drove to start my new life happy, healthy, and full of bright prosperity.
So, as you may have guessed, my phone blew up from CF. Texts, calls, voice mails everything, it all fell on deaf ears. My word was final, and I was finally ready to close this ugly painful chapter of my life. So, well um, I will tell you all, I’m naturally a logical thinker that sometimes leads to a healthy level of paranoia. So, my new address was given to trusted people only. Written on paper and requested once we all met up at the new place and burned in the lane way. Why? Well, I know CF and her family, and I’ve seen them do less than legal things, and know who her dad is- and the contacts he knows. I took ZERO chances when it came to keeping my new life and address safe. Also remember I told you she’s dating a cop... knowing the fallout that awaits me, I took steps into protecting what I longed for. We moved in for June first of 2022. I should mention I live with my now GF and my roommate, my brother from another mother. My roommate moved in a month after CF moved out and I can update for any questions regarding him but for now back to the story. All members of the house were to follow strict security measures anticipating a reaction from CF. I had quickly found out that CF was trying to find out where I live through contacting friends, family and my old landlord trying to find the new address to no avail. Now, I work a full-time job, as well as run my own woodworking business. One day I was filing paperwork in the front office and I saw CF drive by in her vehicle. She drives an extremely recognizable car, so I knew it was her. I wasted no time. I drove to my local law enforcement and made them aware of everything. I wanted to start a case just to be safe if anything happened.

So, side note but very important, I was given the opportunity to purchase a puppy; FT for short. After discussion with the house, we decided getting GA a little sister was a great idea, you know, get her company and give her a friend to run around the farm with. To say they were inseparable is an understatement. They loved each other so much and it was the best move we ever made. I promise this is important later.
Right, June was great settling in, getting used to the new place, and watching GA play, mentor and thrive with her sister all was great! Moving to August 2022, our guards began to fall and we started letting the two out without being helicopters to them. August 12^th 2022 oh man that day will forever remain with me rent free. JT and I are at work and the roommate’s home with the kiddos. 4:15pm I receive a phone call that will change my bliss for some time… yes GA, GA is gone “the hell do you mean”!! roommate “I let them out back, door open I was doing the dishes turned around and only FT was there”. “well did you look for them?” “yes I did, call in the damn microchip now!!” roommate hangs up. It’s worth mentioning he misunderstood how a K9 microchip works and thought It was like a GPS tracker. Work refuses to let me leave early and by the time I got home, three hours have passed since the disappearance.
I spent at least an hour exhausting any search method I could think of at the time, thinking if she ran off, she couldn’t have gotten far. After that hour I started to think, no way GA runs off and FT, 6 weeks old at the time, doesn’t follow.. Welp now it dawns on me, what? No? damn she must have taken her… off to the police I go. “ hey officer M, remember me from a few weeks ago?” “yeah what can I do for you?” “umm well I think my fears came true, I think CF stole her?” Ensue crying, panic and fear. How’d she find me? How is this possible?? Officer M “ ok take a breath tell me everything.” As I explain, I’m asked questions like are you sure she didn’t run off? I explain, no way she did and FT a young pup didn’t follow. I make my statement, broken, drained and beside myself with concern and fear I go home. No more then two hours later I get a call from M “Hi T so I’ve made some calls and I’m 99% sure she took her.” Me “what how? I mean what did you find?” M “I called your vet and an order for medication was placed by CF 10 days ago.” Me “ok damn so what happens now?” M “well this seems pretty clear cut I’ll investigate a bit more and make a case to the Crown.” Ok well my fears are confirmed. Damn she somehow found me and actually stole my beautiful GA. To this day, I have no idea how she found me. I suspect she put a GPS tracker on my truck. I had officer M looking into the possibility if her cop BF looked me up in the system, but that was ruled out very quickly.
Now the painful waiting game hoping justice will prevail. Each week I call for an update. On week 3 I’m informed he’s built a case and sent it to the Crown to see if it’s a clear-cut case of stolen property. Week 5 I’m told to hang tight its under review. At this point I became impatient and decided I can’t sit and wait. I took all the evidence and paperwork I had. I took it to both our vets as well as every vet in the region I knew she lived, explained and made airtight protocols for if, and when statements. Week 6 again I call, and I’m hit with bad news: the Crown, quite annoyed I was told, made it clear to M that this was a property dispute and needs to be settle in family court. Well, now it’s time to lawyer up. I scraped every extra penny I had to hire a good family lawyer and man did I find a good one. Turns out she was divorced and took my case a bit personally. She starts to prepare the necessary documents. 2 more weeks go by and thank whomever you believe in, I became impatient and went full proactive mode. I receive a phone call at work from my family vet. Vet “hi this is vet clinic just confirming your appointment for Monday at 11:25am?” well I sure as hell am now. I ring my lawyer, explain what happened, and put a rush on the papers having to call my dad to borrow money. You see now that I know exactly where CF is going to be with GA, I needed a legal reason to wait for her. So, I used the court case as a reason to serve her in person, thus being able to obtain GA custody until the hearing.
That Sunday I didn’t sleep a wink. 6:30am, I park my truck at the hardware store around the back of the vet, so CF wouldn’t see it. 8:00am the clinic opens. I walked in, documents in hand, and tell them everything and insist they let her in so I may serve her the documents and take GA. Regrettably, I forgot this was a functioning clinic and was told this could not happen inside, out of respect to the other patients. Me “Oh crap that’s more then fair, well what are my options?” Vet. “Well, we can bar her from the clinic under the proceeds of crime and you can serve her in the parking lot.” Me. “perfect I’ll wait in the sub shop down the way. you absolutely can not inform her of this.” Vet. “Not a problem we hope you get her back; we wish you luck.”
Off to the sub shop I go, for the longest 2 hours of my life. I get a phone call from JT, fully aware of my plan “hey we got rained out I’m off work do you want me there?” Me. “YES please come right away you can help record and dial the police.” The dominos are stacked, my shaky finger on the last one. JT shows up and we rehearse the plan; I must have checked the time a million times. The time comes I say where the hell is she. JT, with the calmest voice goes “she’s right there.” Me. “WTF!!” I ran out, papers in hand. JT calls the cops and starts recording. I utter the legal jargon, serve her the paperwork and latch onto GA as gentle and firm as I can, so CF can’t break my grip and wait for the police. They arrive in minutes. Get our stories. Check my paperwork. Separate us and attempt to figure out the situation. Low and behold, cop BF shows up. I’m told he’s “off duty” and is here in a BF capacity. Me, JT, two uniformed officers, CF, and cop BF talking, waiting with a level of uncertainty of the outcome. 2 hours goes by, and we ask what’s going on. I’m told that they are trying to defuse the situation, but cop BF has requested a supervisor. Well, he shows up and talks in great length to the BF, seeming frustrated. 3 hours go by, the supervisor walks up to me and demands our paperwork; I happily oblige. He reviews the documents and walks off, then comes back a minute or two later. “You gotta leash?” This clinic happens to be right next door to a pet store. So, just in case, I bought a leash in the three hours I was waiting. I hand him the leash. Words cannot describe the feeling as we watch the supervisor walk GA over to us after so long. Gone for 10 weeks total and waiting for three hours for the cops to deal with the situation. October 31, 2022, will be a day I will never forget. We will forever celebrate that day. Folks WE GOT HER!! What was once stolen by someone who couldn’t move on, was finally returned.

Thank you to anyone who read all of this. I needed to tell my story and I hope this was a good cup of tea for someone. I mean what I say, if anyone is going through something similar and is looking for help, please don’t hesitate. to reach out. For any questions, comments, or PM’s, I will read them, but I wish to update them publicly

AITA for cutting my brother off after he chose the mother of his child over his family? A little back story. I, 30F, have been taking care of my brother, 31M, off and on for the past 7 years. I have let him live with me and my husband every time we have gotten a new place and paid him to babysit my child. We have never asked him to help pay bills or pay rent.
About 4 years ago we moved into a new house and after 2 years of living in the new house my brother got a new girlfriend while he was living with us and ended up getting her pregnant. He ended up moving out and living with his GF and his GFs brother. They had a falling out with his GFs family. My brother had multiple cars and an RV on our property. We offered them to stay on the property in the RV and have them pay rent. From the moment they had moved into the RV his GF would just talking bad about her brother and his wife saying that they kept her stuff and wouldn't return it and called her sister in law a bad mother. I had called her out and told her that I would take her over to her brothers house to get the rest of her stuff because I was friends with her brother and his wife. She would automatically come up with excuses as to why she can't go over there or that they won't let her and they are never home.
I noticed that my brothers GF loved to play the victim and blow everything out of proportion. Everything was always everyone else's fault and never her fault. She twisted every story she had in her favor and made the other person look bad. I even recorded her conversation one time and sent it to her sister in law cause it was the last straw for me I take full accountability for everything I did and the messages relayed back and forth but do not apologize for it. I tried to be nice to her and like her. I even let her move onto my property and made dinner for her and her kids every night while my husband and brother worked night shifts. She never did the dishes or helped clean up. After she had her baby her and my brother moved into my parents house.
After a couple of months they got their own place. I took in her dog because she wasn't a service animal and we agreed that I would be the one to keep her. They had left a lot of their belongings on my property. Her and her sister in law ended up talking and sorting their issues out but in the process I'm the one who got blamed for all the shit that my brothers GF had said about her sister in law. I told her sister in law that she could tell her I told her things but she went as far as telling her everything that was said. I was not the only person that told her what was said or what was going around I'm just the only person that was blamed for all of it. My brothers GF ended up yelling at me for it and saying that everything was my fault and the reason everyone, including her mom, was mad at her was because of me. I never once lied about anything I told the truth when I was asked what she was saying. My brothers GF ended up cutting me off and I did the same because I was over all the drama that she brought everywhere she went. I still had contact with my brother.
One night I had gotten a call from my brother that him and his GF had a huge fight and he needed helping getting all of his stuff out of the apartment. I packed up my kids and took them with me to help him pack up all of his stuff from her house. When I arrived my mom was there talking to the GF on the couch trying to calm her down cause she was crying and freaking out. At the time she was babysitting someone else's kid and that kid was crying. She was just ignoring him and having a little self pitty party on the couch with my mom. I ended up picking up that baby and comforting him and then handing him to the GF to help my brother finish packing. My brother had asked me to get garbage bags under the sink to pack his stuff in. As we were packing I had to get more bags but when I went to get more there was none. The Gf had taken them and hidden them. When we finally finished the Gf started freaking out and yelling at my brother and then yelled at me. I flipped out and tried to fight her but was pulled out by my brothers friend, not my best move but she was just yelling at me and getting closer to me. The GF ended up posting on Facebook about what happened accusing me of stealing her makeup and clothes, I have my own makeup and gave her half the stuff she has and we aren't the same size in clothes, and leaving the door wide open for her kids to freeze. Her kids were upstairs in their room no where near the door that we kept closed unless we were taking stuff out of the house.
Fast forward and she is claiming I'm keeping all her stuff from her including the items she left on my property from when they moved in and keeping her dog from her. I told him that she isn't getting the dog back cause she surrendered the dog to us and she is more than welcome to come and get her stuff of my property and we don't want her stuff on our property, it's been a year and it's still on my property. She even called the cops on my parents for because they wouldn't give her her stuff out of their storage container right before the cops showed up she was screaming and yelling at my parents and as soon as a cop showed up she just started crying and saying they won't let her get her stuff. My parents told her that she could have her stuff back when they get back the phone that my parents gave her cause she broke hers. They were still paying on the phone and asked that she return it so that they wouldn't get charged she never did and ran the phone bill up to 1500.
My brother decided to fix things with her and asked us to give the dog back again. At first we refused but in the end we decided to give her back to be the bigger person my husband ASKED in return, we never forced her to do it and we were already planning on giving the dog back. that his GF publicly apologize to my family about what she said about us. She ended up posting on Facebook again apologizing. That is when we told my brother we want nothing to do with them. We were over all the drama and the blame game. She tried to tarnish our reputation and lie about the kind of people we were. Now my brother is saying that we screwed him over and we owe his GF an apology for "making" her publicly apologize on Facebook just to get her dog back. We still have her stuff on our property and the RV and one of my brothers cars. My brother chose her over everyone in his life who has tried to help him. He only ever contacts my parents when he wants or need something.
So AITA for cutting him off after all the drama and his GF trying to make us out to be bad people? Sorry for the long post. I can clarify or answer questions if needed. It's kind of all over the place.

I don't know what happened to this subreddit, but it's been infested by degenerates. It's getting so bad to the point that I'm considering wrapping it up and closing it. But before I do, I will try one more time:

• please be respectful to Miranda and the rest of the visitors. this is not a place to exercise your weird fetishes. I am not going to have a subreddit where 99% of comments are from incels fantasizing about various sexual acts with Miranda. from now on, NO SEXUALLY EXPLICIT COMMENTS WHATSOEVER! first offence will result with 7 day ban, second with a permanent one
  
• this goes without saying and will be STRICTLY ENFORCED WITH A PERMANENT BAN IMMEDIATELY. I don't know what kind of a degenerate you need to be to think that it's OK to insult an admin/mod in your comment, mentioning family or cussing me out. any user for that matter, let alone the freaking ADMIN. again, permanent ban immediately, no discussion.
  

If any of you don't like these rules, please feel free to unfollow or start your own subreddit for degenerates like yourself.
THANK YOU!
POSTING RULES STRICTLY ENFORCED:
As more people are starting to post, I'd like to start adding some general posting guidlines. This post will be edited and more things added as needed, but for now, let's start with:

• This goes without saying, for posts and comments alike: please be respectful to Miranda and the community alike. No disrespectful, rude, demeaning or sexually explicit content or language please, this includes posts and comments!
  
• No bad quality images, including too small, blurry, poorly trimmed and similar.
  
• If reposting pics or videos from her social media, especially from her TikToks, stories or reels, please crop them so that they're pictures or videos of Miranda and NOT include text or captions on them. Other posts may be removed at moderators' discretion.
  
• Fanart is absolutely welcome, as long as it's tasteful (no explicit nudity, implied is ok).
  
• No fake pics, poor photoshops or similar. This obviously doesn't include Miranda's posts that have been photoshoped or edited by her or her team.
  
• Absolutely NO NUDITY OR SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT, unless, at any point, Miranda decides to post such content herself. This includes AI generated images or edits (like sticking Miranda's head on a nude model's body) and similar.
  
• Even though it feels like it's been covered with at least two of the rules above, due to recent comments and posts it looks like it needs to be spelled out separately: THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES OR ROLE PLAY! Absolutely no posts of fetish, roleplay or similar sexual nature, that includes referring to Miranda as "mommy", "transsexual who you'd love to be pegged by" etc.
  
• This one should be obvious, but I guess it's not: this is a subreddit dedicated to Miranda Cohen. So absolutely NO pictures or videos of anyone else!
  
• Please put some meaningful effort into titles of your posts. Those titled with a single character, emoji, group of emojis with no other text or super short unrelated or overly repetitive abbreviations or short words will be removed at moderators’ discretion.
  

I am going to preface this message by an observation. I’m not usually posting or reading these subreddits because they tend to generate more anxiety than any kind of relief. I learned that the hard way when my chronic tinnitus (I know it is a symptom of VSS, I also have some hearing loss from being in the military) started a few years ago. I just want to say that if you have a new onset of something that is causing a lot of anxiety for you, spending any time reading on these online forums is only going to make it way worst for you. The sad reality is that there are no cure yet for these conditions, and acceptance is pretty much the only way forward, whether you like it or not. These chronic conditions are like a blackhole that will swallow you and everything that matters to you.
So, I have what I think is mild VSS. I am under the impression that I had it for a while, but that I just didn’t notice it until recently, when I had an onset of chronic dry eyes, change in prescription and presbyopia. This made me hyperfocus on my vision due to the anxiety, and this is when I started to notice some VSS symptoms. Was it always there and I never paid attention to it? It feels like I am gaslighting myself, doubting everything that I see.
I will notice visual snow in low light conditions or in certain lighting conditions. For instance, someone wearing dark clothing, from afar or under some lighting conditions, it will look like blueish static. If I am driving and I am looking at the floor on the passenger side, it will be mostly that blueish static. If I am walking into a poorly lit room, I have some static. I have floaters and they are bothering me to some level, but I am also at that age where it is normal for floaters to start appearing (have discussed this with colleagues and friends, they all have floaters). I have some mild palinopsia, mostly with black text on a white background. I also have some starburst around very bight lights or reflections, like LED headlights, streetlight or sun reflections. So overall, I am convinced I have some degree of VSS.
I don’t recognize myself in a lot of the visual snow “this is how you see / this is how we see” images. Like, if these images are a 10 out of a 10, I am maybe at 1 out or 10 in broad daylight and probably a 2-3 out of 10 in low light. I really feel sorry for anyone that experiences this at a 10/10 level.
So my question is, how much of visual snow is “normal”. How much starburst around lights is normal? For instance, I have discussed starbursts with my spouse, and she definitely see the same starbursts that I do, and she just considers that to be her normal. But I feel like this is not the way I have always seen. I never asked anyone about visual snow, because I am scared that maybe, just maybe, they have visual snow and they have never noticed it. Is everyone just at 0 out of 10 or is it just that people go about their day not noticing the static / starburst?

Apologies for any grammatical errors or formatting errors as I’m not the best at it.
So I all started back around August in 2023 when all this happened. I wasn’t in the right mindset as there were a lot of things going on in my life with losing family members to finding out my mother had dementia to just not wanting to have any sort of outside life and be a homebody. Just out of the blue I feel I just disconnected myself from everything and everyone and was just going to work and nothing else. I stopped talking to my gf without any reasoning after we got into an argument that I can no longer remember what it was about but turned out to be the “trigger” for me to just give up. By this time we had already been together for 5 years and living together for 3 years as well. So it got hard for us as we were both stubborn and did not try to talk after this fight. As time progressed through the months we just stopped talking and did our own thing while still living together and avoiding each other as much as we could. We didn’t talk much other than bills that needed to be paid and purchasing food as well. We somewhat talked a month or so later and mentioned that we were just civilized roommates nothing more and this continued until February of this year. During that time she would go out with friends and dates from what we discussed when we got back together and I would just stay home collecting myself and slowly getting back together by playing COD with friends almost every night.
Once February came around after valentines I decided to talk to her to see what our future would be in terms of selling the house working it out or whatever the case may be. Strangely enough she asked me if I wanted to join her at the movies that day and of course me being the stubborn asshole I am told her no also because I had already made plans to go the the movies with a friend. So she still ended up getting ready and I asked her if she was still going to the movies. She said no that she was going to her mom’s house to see a movie with her niece. I get ready and head out and lo and behold I see her walking to the theatre with another guy. This make my heart drop and realize she lied to me about going to her moms. She notices me and waves me down like nothing and just tells me “oh I didn’t know you were coming to the movies. I’m just here with a friend too” so I tell her what about her moms and said oh no I wasn’t planning to go and ask if I wanted to meet him. Wanting to call her bluff I decide to say no and drive off. She continues to call me and Ignore her and go with my friend to eat instead. I’m definitely devastated by this considering I was going to talk to her about making up and seeing if we still had a future or not. I understand that we were not together during this time but seeing it actually hurt more than just knowing. The day comes to an end and we decide to talk that night. We talked about the 6 months that passed what we did(not in detail) and if we really wanted to work things out. We agree to work it out and move forward.
During this time it’s still fresh and I notice the guy is still texting her and possibly others she dated a month before. I bring it up to her to discuss it and I ask her to please let them know we are trying to work it out and not to think she is available. Time passes by for about 2-3 weeks after we talked. The guy is still messaging her and i bring it up again that it’s not right and that she should say something. So she finally decides to meet with him in person to let him know that she is trying to work it out with me and that she needs some space. Only I come to realize later this month(May) that she told him she needs time for herself and did not mention trying to work it out with me.(could this be a red flag?)
As time moves on we have little hiccups here and there and I start to feel this guy feeling that doesn’t sit right with me. Not sure if what it is but it makes me feel down and my mind starts to wonder. I can’t help to wonder that she is still messaging someone else and I begin to investigate. This is all happening in May and by this time we are good(or so we say but don’t feel it) and by this time I find out that her close friends which is two do not know about us working it out and a new close friend she made at work as well does not know about us. Which is fine I guess but it kinda bothers me because her new close friend has a friend that introduced her to him to see if they can hit it off. This triggers something for me and I ask her why hasn’t she mentioned that we are talking but her excuse is she’s afraid that she’s going to look stupid in front of her friends if I leave her again like I did 8 months ago..I understand where she is coming from but I we discussed earlier I tell her I am devoted to her and want to make this work because I love her. Maybe I am looking too much into this but I figured by now she would’ve mentioned something that we are trying to work it out and are back together again since February.
So a couple days ago I get that feeling again and try to push it away but I still have that gut feeling something isn’t right. This past Friday we decide to go to the movies and make plans. All of a sudden she decides not to go to a certain theatre and go to a different one instead. I figured oh nice we get to go to another one since they serve food there so it’s a bit fancier. Before we go we decide to have lunch and then go. During that time she decides to switch it again and say to go back to the original place. So I don’t mind and say yes so she goes to the app to get the tickets. I get up to get a refill and decide to watch over as she does and she brings to panic. She tells me she wants a refill too even though her cup is almost full. I tell her she doesn’t need one but insists that she does but I tell her no and play if off as I am leaving. As I turn back I notice she is messaging someone and then goes in to cancel a ticket the guy made for her. I knew about her going to another movie after ours with her friend and the group but didn’t know she was messaging him directly. I ignore it rather than bring it up for now as I do not want to start an argument or ruin the date we are having until tonight. The night continues and we go home and go to sleep. Meanwhile my mind is all over the place and I can’t stop thinking about it and why is she messaging him.
The next day we make plans to do our own thing and she has plans with her friend. My mind is racing as I start to think if she is actually going out with her or with this guy who I find out later she invited to the movies..the plan was to go to lunch while I work on some things at the house and then meet up to take the dog to the vet. She leaves and I begin to let my mind unravel and by this time I’m just trying to keep my sanity but I decide to do something stupid. I call the restaurant to see who she is with. Probably the lowest I’ve gone to creeper status..but my mind and my heart are just in so much pain thinking of that time I caught her with another guy. I find out it’s just both of them so I am relieved.
She comes back for lunch and I head over to pick up the dog to go to the vet only to find out the waitress told her I called the restaurant to see if she was there.(again my fault because I told her I had a surprise for her 🤦🏼‍♂️) she asks me if I called the place and I said yes. My thing is always about honesty and loyalty. I own up to what I did for the reason I did it and apologize. She tells me she got embarrassed because her friend who has been against me since day one just tells her that she should move on and not do anything with me. Which I understand but all my gf has told her is the negative things and not about us trying to fix it and her being caught doing things as well. Which is fine because any friend will obviously take their side.
By this time we stop talking and she stays at her mom’s house to cool off. I message her asking if we could talk but this time I want to let it all out. How I feel what I’ve seen, how this is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining me. We’ve had these talks before and even before we got back together as well. I have given her an out that is she does not want to be with me then we can break up and move on with our lives. We do still owe on the house but I have even told her we can sell it or I can just leave and my part of the house would be lost because I do not care for the money. I would just find an apartment and live my life and she can continue talking to the man or men and pursue what she wants with them. I’ve mentioned that I am willing to work it out because I know I still feel something for her and I want to spend my life with her if she is willing to as well. Multiple times has this conversation been brought up and in the end she says she loves me and wants to work it out.
She comes home changes I get her a drink and snacks and turn off the tv. I had already written down key points of what is bothering me and what I feel is hurting us and me. So I explain to her that i do not like how she has kept us a secret that we are trying to work things out with her friends. It’s been two months and they still believe she is single and having dates and this is something that even though they are probably against me on she should still be mentioning something. She tells me that she’s afraid to look like an idiot and will tell them later. Am I wrong on this?
Then I mention how I saw the messaging and sometimes in the middle of the night she gets a message from this guy. I know that her friend tried to hook them up even though she says she didn’t and also mentions that he is just a friend of the group. I tell her it’s not right because he doesn’t know either that’s she is with me and trying to make it work and how she was acting weird that day I saw the messages. She says there is nothing going on but I feel otherwise and I know I’m not wrong. I tell her again that if she is interested in him then we can break up and she can pursue it if she decides. I ask her who it is and she tells me the name and is the guy that they were trying to hook up together. The guy messages her every morning and I’m sure throughout the day as well. What I can’t wrap around my head is that why would she do this if she is commuting to me and yet is disrespecting me in this way even after I ask her if they are messaging and she says no. But yet I happen to see the messages between them and she still denies it. During our talk it goes back and forth and tears and coming down. So I ask her to show me her phone messages and she begins saying no and that she doesn’t want to when I easily offer my for her to go through as I have nothing to hide. She finally agrees to do it and I see a whole lot of messages but she only shows me photos that they share of her dog, nice and Katy Perry. Only showing me what she wants me to see even though they have messaged throughout the day. I also noticed that she had the messages on silent as well and her excuse is that so I don’t get mad if I see his name pop out. We go back and forth on this and I tell her if she is interested in him then to leave me and we can move on. I can’t explain it any more clearer that we cannot be together if she is having something with him. I tell her I want her loyal, trustworthy, and honest with me if we are going to make it work. She says she still wants to work it out since she says she loves me but is just afraid that she will get hurt. Which I understand but I am willing to make up for what I did and prepared to spend my life making up for what I did and being happy. Moving forward after everything we have a clean slate and see how this goes..I asked her if he messaged her yesterday and she says he did about Katy Perry and just random text. Come this morning she happen to leave her phone unlocked and I noticed he messaged her good morning and responded to her conversation they had as it seems that she deleted the text she sent him and he responded this morning. I’m so confused as she tells me she loves me and wants to be with me and shows me affection, support and everything else we discussed as if nothing is wrong but still messages this guy on the side while they are on silent. I also noticed she deleted the chat history and started fresh as well since Sunday. idk what to do anymore I am so torn right now…i wanted to spend my life with this girl and only to find out she is still doing this and also may be going on a trip with her friend and their group which includes this guy as well without me since she wants to be able to spend time with them separately which I’m fine with me as I have no problem with that other than the guy she’s been messaging will be there. What can I do..I feel like I have already been transparent about how I feel and what is expected but to see these messages and even when asking her absolutely it she says no makes me wonder wtf is going on…why not just leave me. I don’t want to be checking her phone when I get a chance as I feel that puts me just as guilty. Please help.
Should I just move on and start new? Or should I continue to be with her and see how it goes?

So, I am a popular content creator (prefer to stay anonymous on Reddit) with over 8M followers across socials. I am monetized on all of them EXCEPT for Facebook. I grew an account (at snail speed) last year to 20k followers but got a Facebook Monetization Violation flag somewhere along the way, and despite trying to clean up/delete any posts that may have caused the issue, I could never get rid of it. I also got to the point where my “Request Another Review” was greyed out. On that Page, I had Stars and Bonus on regular posts, but I could never get onboarded for Ads on Reels, which is what I wanted because those earnings would actually be meaningful. I also was restricted on some level because my posts would never hit the millions despite the same posts hitting multi millions on my other socials.
About a month ago, I decided to start over. I deactivated that Profile and Page, and made a new account Profile and then a new Page. When I first started, I immediately had a video shoot to almost 4M views, followed by two other to half a million, so I knew the restriction was gone. As far as policy violations, I still had to things keeping me from Monetization but I wasn’t deterred because one was for being a new account less than 30 days old and the other was a violation that I saw on YouTube most people get that eventually goes away once you hit 5,000 followers and are over 30 days old. Please note I did get a Monetization Policy Violation on the first video I posted (most likely because it was one of my very viral videos last month and someone had posted it to Facebook before I made this account) and so I deleted it and the MPV went away.
Fast forward 6-7 posts and everything is going well and then I noticed a MPV again. So I decided my latest Reel and it didn’t go away. Deleted the next one, and still there. So, I went back and deleted all the Reels I’d posted since the start, AND even used a brand new profile picture and background. Still there.
Since then, I’ve posted three more Reels. Good news- restriction is still gone because one got 3.6M views and one got 1.6M. Bad news- MPV is still there and now I don’t know what to do. Also important to note, the “Request Another Review” button has been greyed out since the issue started. When I float my cursor over it, it says I can’t request a review because I don’t have any current violations.
Has anyone had any issues like this? I know my latest three reels are completely clean so I’m at a loss.

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.