Initial keychains

I know im young and a lot of people will probably say im over reacting but man i gave that girl everything I could. I'm mainly writing this to come to terms with things and I dont think itll get a lot of traction but stick with me if youre reading.
I (22M) met her (22F) in 2022 through my friend. I was at a point where i was content being by myself and wasnt really looking for anyone but he would always get upset with me for not messaging her because she was upset with him that i didn't message her so one day i just decided to do it. We clicked almost instantly. Looking back it was red flags all over because she was seeing someone although they werent in a relationship. She's studying in the US and im in our home country but we clicked so well we kept talking.
After a couple weeks of us talking literally the entire night every night, she cut things off witht the other guy and fully invested in me. I remember when she first came home for christmas that year, I had a pretty big chem exam on the monday but she had said that I her the saturday and that she's clearing my schedule for me. I found it pretty cute and I did meet her and just pulled and all night aced the course so it wasn't a problem. From then on, we were inseparable. That christmas I went over by her, met her parents and got close enough with them that they invited me to go everywhere with them. They were kind of strict so i could only really go over by her but I'd spend the entire day by her and they'd drop me back home (I had no car).
In december the first blatant red flag showed itself, she had a friend (We will call him #1) that would constantly call her pet names like my princess or baby etc and I had told her thats weird and you should tell him to stop. She said she did but one of the days that i was over by her i noticed that she was talking to her and it was the same pet names. She noticed that I noticed and I asked her if she had told him about it and she said yes then I asked her why's he still doing it then and she just she doesnt know. I told her it made me uncomfortable and since he clearly doesnt respect any boundaries if she could stop talking to him and she just said sure. That same day, the guy she was talking to right before me had messaged her and said hi and she showed me and blocked him without me having to ask her. The rest of christmas went by with nothing much minus the mess up i did which was asking my ex girlfriend that was before her to crochet a panda keychain for her so i could gift it to her (horrible on my part i know).
Skip forward to January and shes back in the US for school and im going to uni in our home country. Im on the phone with her during every second of the day outside of class adn when i wasn't on the phone with her I was messaging her. She had wanted to sleep on calls together and i induldged so we were on the phone even while we slept. Now a couple weeks after she went back the US i felt something change and she got a bit distant but wouldn't tell me no matter what. i ahd started going to the gym with my friend (the same one who introduced us) and I was doing nothing except classes, then a 2 hour gym session in the night. I remember it like it was yesterday, I had went for food with my friend before gym and we ended up going to the airport for subway since it was pretty close to us and I sent her pic and joked that ill hop on a plane and come to her if she wanted to and she just said no. I ended up skipping gym to spend some time with her and see what was bothering her and if she'd tell me. She ended up sayign she feels like i dont spend enough time with her and i felt horrible and started to apologise and tell her that I'd make a more conscious effort to spend less time with my friend and more with her and halfway through me saying that I got a snap from her. She had accidently sent me a flirty snap that she was supposed to send to another guy and when i asked her about it she just said she sent it to the wrong person. After a couple seconds of me saying nothing i guess she realised that she did something wrong and she started to backtrack, saying that she didn't realise it was flirty and whatnot but i just hung up adn went to smoke a cigarette on my steps outside. When I cooled off a bit i was initially going to end things then and there with her because flirting with someone else while we're in a relationship (forgot to mention we got together officially in december) was a major dealbreaker for me but she begged and pleaded and promised and even did SH, i caved and let it slide but it still bothered my for about a week or so before i got over it.
February now, my birthday is right after valentines day and right after my birthday is Carnival. I dont have a lot of money but i wanted to do something special for her because she was coming back home for her spring break a week or so after valentine's day. At the time i couldn't make online purchases or anything because i didnt have a card that allowed me to do so so the only option was asking my mother but my mother and I have a really strained relationship for other reasons and my mother didnt like whenever i was in a relationship so she said no when i asked her if I could use her card to order my then girlfriend some flowers and Ill just give her the cash back. So, instead I opted to do something for when she came back home in a couple of weeks which i explained to her. Valentine's day rolled around and my birthday came the day after and she was acting weird and distant again but i just thought she was sad that I wasn't there or that her dad and stepmom didn't send her flowers that year (they normally did that every year). Her stepmom actually baked me a pretty sweet cake for my birthday and dropped it off for me which was really sweet and i loved it. Anyways, i tried to be there for her during those days and when she came back i was really excited.
The day before she came back I went down to visit her dad and stepmom and asked them if I could stay for a bit to decorate her room etc and they said yea. So my friend (same one who introduced us) took me to the store and i got balloons, flowers, a panda plushie and I had handwrtten her a long love letter and I spent the evening cleaning and decorating her room to make it special. i ended up not liking the flowers so I asked her older sister to take me to the store and i picked up some new flowers and set everything up while managing to hide the surprise from her and just telling my girlfriend that im visiting her parents just to say hi to everyone. The next day comes and goes and she came home and just didn't mention anything which got me a bit down but i brushed it off. I visited her the very next day which was saturday, I woke up early and had been saving up whatever money i had so i could spend it on taxis to go over to her house everyday while she was home.
When I got there i asked if she got my surprise and she just said yea and she was telling her stepmom how i wrote her the letter and was teasing me, starting to read it out for her stepmom and sister to listen to while I (dying of embarassment) begged her not to. her stepmom ended up telling her that its private and to stop, which she did. Fast forward an hour or so and we are on her couch just watching tiktoks on her phone when she gets a message from #1 and at first she tries to play it off as her not knowing why hes messaging her but the message itself was him asking her how her flight was, nothing big. But I asked her open the chat and when she did that was the only message from him, meaning she had deleted whatever messages before where she wouldve told him shes coming home etc and that bothered me because i had asked her to not talk to him for what i think is a good reason and she told me she would. So her still talking to him behind my back and then hiding the messages really bothered me. I ended up almost heading home for the day but i opted not to since it wasn't anything objectively bad. The next day i went down by her and asked to see if there was anything else she was hiding, turns out there were two other guys; one she told to come over (as a joke apparently) and another we will call Jon (important later). Once again, i brushed it off as nothing too bad objectively and though her stepmom had heard the story and had scolded her when I left the day before, we just moved past it.
March, April, May, was more or less uneventful. I had scrapped together some more money and begged her stepmom to order some lego flowers and send it across to her for me because she wanted them and I just paid her in cash. i was also working for my stepdad to get money for a summer trip for me to go and stay by her and see her. Around may was when she started saying she doesnt know if she wants this or could do it because ldr was hard and I told her i understand and if she wants to end things or try with someone else thats in the US as well id understand but she never wanted to break up, she always opted to stay.
July now, I went up and stayed by her for 4 weeks i think it was and we had to split most costs 50/50 to make what money i had last, and I still had to cut the trip a bit short because I was cutting it really close, but it was no problem. I came back home in august and she came a couple days after and i spent every single day by her. Had a couple of sleepovers too because at that point her parents started letting her sister's boyfriend stay over too so they let me as well and we had a lot of fun. While my girlfriend would normally end up going in her room earlier than us, her sister, sister's boyfriend, stepmom and I would stay up and watch movies and make late night gas station trips to get snacks for the night. At that point i was close to her entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma, everyone. Her uncle had actually invited me to come over for his kid's gender reveal and it was nice. My girlfriend at that point was always getting mad at me for small things like when i wanted to wear pink but she wanted me to wear blue and she also brought up the fact that the distance is too hard for etc almost every other week. A night or so before the gender reveal party she sat me down and said that i dont make her feel appreciated or anything because i appeal to her gift giving love language etc and I remember i couldnt help but let a couple tears fall. We ended up talking for a bit and her sister saw us talking and she ended up getting in trouble with her stepmom because she wasnt understanding im doing everything I could with the amount of money I had. Since all my money was always spent on commuting to her parents house and I just dropped around 1.5k USD on my trip to go visit her, her stepmom was upset with her for demanding more and wanting to end things over that.
That was when her sister, aunts and uncles started to tell her and her parents they she needs to start to treat me better. At that point she had me running up and the down house trailing behind her while she yelled at me for silly things like wanting to go outside and spend time with her family whilst she wanted to sit inside. I remember she called me a day, angry, because one of her aunts told her stepmom to tell her to treat me better and she told me that everyone thinks im so good nad I just sat there confused.
I spent every cent i had on trying to see her as much as possible. Every night I would stay up an hour later just in case she couldnt sleep and wanted someone to talk to, i wasn't going out with my friends nearly as much and if I did she'd be on a call with me. I wasn't studying and was using that time to talk to her but that was okay because it made her happy and I could afford to sacrifce my work and my sleep for her. There were times i pulled all nighters because she asked me to wake up her up at a specific time and i didnt trust myself to wake up in time so id just stay up to wake her up before taking a power nap before my first class. So september passes and we are in october now, this is where it gets juicier.
She had no friends in the US outside of guys she had history with, them liking her etc but she hadnt spoken to them because the last two she had kept in contact with she didnt enforce boundaries. She also didnt leave her apartment much and Id beg her to go out some more and try to make more friends from class or whatever. Id always get really happy for her whenever she said she was going to the mall but she'd want to stay on a call with me through it all and I always had to ask her to go and enjoy herself and to just be safe and let me know when she was home and that she needed time to herself.
At this point her her family and I are basically family too. Id visit them once a month or so to check in and they'd always get angry with me for not visiting them enough and they'd tease me that I only come over when my gf is there. They were inviting me on family outings everytime and her grandma would always tell me she loves me and to come around more. I went to her brother's birthday party there and stayed on a call with her the whole time so she could be there as well. Like i said, shes on the phone with me 24/7 if Im not in a class.
In october now, she gets distant. There was a day october 22nd, we hung up and i took a nap and I woke up around 2pm and she didnt reply to my previous message. SHe had also wanted me to get life360 some time back so i had it for her. A couple hours passed and she wasnt replying to me nor answering my calls and when i checked life 360 her location was off and wasnt loading, More hours passed and I had already messaged my friend to ask if he heard from her and her sister. Her sister checked her Find My location and that location was off as well and its only aorund 8 or 9pm she finally called me and said she went to wynward by herself and didnt feel like picking up my calls or replying she just needed time and space. I was upset and told her that i understand that but next time just let me know so i dont panic thinking something happened to you. A couple days later she got in trouble with her stepmom for 'stressing me out and disappearing' but i just laughed it off.
Now, A couple days later she started telling me wants me to cut off my friend (the one who introduced us). it was out of the blue because she had been saying shes going to stop being friends with him since he started moving different ever since he started liking this other girl (one of my other friends) but i didnt expect her to want me to cut him out of my life seeing that they were really good friends before and this guy and I were almost like brothers. I told her no and it went on for a couple weeks until he blocked her and she stopped asking and demanded. Now, we had many conversations about our future plans, marriage etc. I had gotten into med school at that point and told her after my 3rd year Id propose and stuff and we had a good future plan set; where we'd immigrate, Id convert to islam for her, a good timeline everything. SO she told me that if i want to be in her life i have to cut him off because she doesnt want him in her life at all.
I told her ill go talk to him about it because she wasnt giving me any reason why she hated him so much all of a sudden and thats when she started backtracking saying nevermind and its ok but i had my mind made up to find out what was going on. So he comes and picks me up and I asked wtf is going on between them. He sighs and tells me that a week before Oct 22nd she had a convo w him where she said she still had feelings for him and wanted him back and wants to leave me. i remember that night because we had another fight where she said I was restricting her from going out or making friends (i literally begged her to make friends and to go out) and that I was manipulative and gaslit her. He had the texts to prove it too so i just called her parents, told them I was breaking up with her and then went home. When I got home i asked her for the real reason she wanted me to cut him off and she didnt want to talk really so i just told her what i knew and broke up with her. She didnt react much but after she called me crying and begging and she booked me a flight to go see her in the US, this was a week before a pretty big exam I had in Med school but I still went.
The whole time I was going to the airport, waiting for my flight, boarding, in the air and during my layover flight in panama (it was cheaper to take a layover in panama) she as begging for me back and the whole works. She picked me up from the airport around 10am and i ended up having her apologise to my friends (the one who introduced us and the girl he like because my girlfriend was always really mean to her for no reason) and we talked, she ended up telling me that she only had that conversation with him because she wanted him and the girl he liked to not get together because she thought she was bad for him. A couple days into my stay there and im studying on her ipad for my exam when i got back and she got a message from imessage that popped up on her ipad.
I had flown out sunday morning around 1am and it was wednesday morning at 2:42 am. I was doing a lecture on cancer cells and she was asleep on the bed next to me. I was almost done when I saw the message. It was from Jon. Curious, i opened it and it was the only message and i saw that she had 342 deleted messages from him and 3 other guys. I opened Jons first and the saturday night when I broke up with her she messaged him, rekindlign a friendsship i guess. Whilst I was on the phone with her sending over my passport information, while i was at the airport, while i was flying over to her she was BEGGING me for another chance and it wont happen again and she was also messaging him. To summarise, she was telling him shes so happy its over, that im a loser and she wanted it to end since January. She said she was giggling and that I never did anything for her and that for valentine's i didnt even get her flowers. She said I was stupid because she did what she did for a good reason (Her triyng to break my friends up) and she was promising him that she won't see me again when she goes back him. She told him that she wanted to get to know him, her bed was big enough for a sleepover, the positions she liked, that she'd throw away the baby if he got her pregnant, that raw felt better and more disgusting things that I wouldnt wish my worst enemy to have to see a girl he love say to another guy while she slept peavefully next to him. To end the convo, he asked for some nudes and she sent some boob pics and he sent dick pics and then she told him dont message her for a week cuz she needs space. The morning I landed he had messaged her and she got upset with him, telling him to give her till monday ( i was leaving sunday evening) and then she'd be his. The two other guys were a lot less horrible, just her from august and october saying she misses them and she cant talk to them that much when im over by her every day (it was while i watched movies with her family). its still bad but it wasnt as bad as Jon.
i stumbled out of her apartment and couldnt walk striaght. i was shaking, vomiting and everything. SHe ended up waking up and calling me asking where i was and i went back and sat down and talked to her, asking if there was anything she was hiding and giving her every chance to tell the truth and she lied to the end until i told her that you can see deleted msgs on imessage. Then we had an arguement until the sun came up and I said some things like shes an easy whore out of anger which i deeply regret. I couldnt just leave so i had to stick it out for the rest of the days which i did nad in the end i caved to her pleas under the condition that she'd get therapy since she said her dad and (real) mom's relationship had fucked her up and her mom specifically really fucked her up. (Doormat, I know). So i go back home and barely pass my exam and while im talking to her and making an effort and shes trying her best with therapy and everything, its eating me alive but i tough it out and after my finals she came home and i spent the entire winter break at her parent's house with her, not leaving a single night because her stepmom had plans for me and her sister's boyfriend up until new years and some days after. I can't lie, it was fun because her family celebrated it really nicely and i never had a christmas like that ever.
Fast forward to february 1st this year and things were looking good. She had just gotten out of a therapy session and she called me and broke up with me saying she needs to heal and she doesnt want to be exclusive because she doesnt want to have to consider my feelings but she (allegedly) wont talk to anyone else and not to beg her or try to change her mind, i just said ok and have a good one. I was shattered, crying in ways i never cried before and the whole works because at that point i had sacrificed even my dignity and pride to stay with her through everything. During the first week she was mainly just playing videogames with another friend of hers (lets call him Ant) and that was mainly it while i was in shambles. She told me that he meant a lot to her as a friend and she cant imagine risking losing him as a friend and I asked her if shes fine with risking me forever and she said she thought about it and yea, shes sure she is.
I visited her parents and cried in her stepmom's arms while telling her everything. When i got back home she found out i told her stepmom what she had done in november and she went off the rails, saying i ruined her life and im an asshole and she wants nothing to do with me and to fuck off and get out her life and whatever. I just told her i get it and i just hope she can change for the next person and she said that she could've changed anytime and just didnt want to and im the only one who got that part of her and no else will have to got through that. I didnt say much but we ended up still talking for some time after and she apologised. She flew me out again and i went and it was ok, i found out that Jon had reached out to her again and she hid it but i didnt even care anymore.
She was in contact with my aunt because over winter she had met my aunt and when i had tol dmy aunt what happened my aunt was pissed but long story short there, my aunt told her to leave me tf alone. She and my sister had a good relationship so shed always tell my sister how much she loves me and wants me and my sister would tell me to give her another chance (i didn't tell her why I broke up with my gf). But every 2 weeks shed explode on me again and just say horrible stuff before apologising again. For example, during ramadan I took a sip of alcohol and went off the rails for that saying im disgusting and more. April 6th now, im starting to warm back up to her because i was crazy for this girl. That night she had told me she'll give me a call after she finishes playing with her cousin and brother and Ant and i said ok and when i checked the time it was 2am and she hadnt called. So i messaged her and asked her about it and she went off saying that she told me she cant give me any effort or attention so why do i keep asking for it and that we aren't in a relationship and she cant do it anymore. I just told her ok, i get it, and something in me just snapped and disappeared.
I didnt talk to her for 2 days and I didnt care, then, my sister called her and told her about this girl i was practicing skills with (It was me, the new girl and a couple other friends) and my ex went batshit on me. But i had given up on her already so I just told her we aren't even friends and shes just a mutual friend (which is true). After a day, she came home again and at that point she was all over me. She had gotten out of therapy and was saying that she wants me back and shes changed and its different and she was just obsessed with me but i didnt buy it. So Eid rolls around and her family invites me over so i go and we spend that time together but im still telling her that no, i dont believe what youre now saying and im done.
The saturday after Eid i go back and me, her stepmom and her have a talk and Im still adamant, telling her i dont want her right now but when she graduates if she's still consistent with that and neither of us are in a relationship then we can try something but shes going on, harping on about her only doing those things because of how i manipulated and gaslit her and the reason behind it is her mother and she went through therapy and stuff but im not buying it. She went back to the US the day after for classes. The monday now she calls me and says she messaged the girl (the one my sister told her about) and I just tell her to leave me alone and she starts up, spouting insults and I had enough and just told her I shouldve listened to her family when they said she was just like her mother (Her entire family used to say that).
She was still saying she wants me and loves me and wants to try again and I was still adamant, telling her that I do still love her because i can't stop just like that after loving her so much for so long, but I stopped seeing a that future with her when she did what she did in november and that I cant forget. I told her to give me time and let me heal from what she caused and we can see again next year because it wont be the same as it was if we get into a relationship right now. Turns out that she was talking to some other guy that looked similar to me for day while she was begging for me but i didnt care. Im studying for finals and shes calling me every 5 minutes and while i answer everytime I keep telling her to let me study and leave me be. Then i tell her she needs to move on and make friends to distract her.
Last wednesday now, she goes out for a the entire night with some dude who had messaged her on Instagram the week before (she told me an hour before she left that he had asked her out and she said no). When she comes home she says she had nothing to do so she went but it was just as friends but hes really nice and he has a nice car and everything. I just told her ok and she said that she still wants me and to give her another chance etc but i stick to what ive been saying. The next day she called me and said the same thing but she said that he asked her out again and shes not going to go because she was coming home the day after and she wants to see me. Of course, she goes out with him. But an hour before he picked her up she called and told me hes just a friend, she does like him, she sees nothing with him and hes nice yea and they have all these plans for when she goes back to the US and they took such cute pics together the night before but hes just a friend. Friday morning she makes a 180, saying shes going to try things with him and hes really nice and she wants to see where things go and shes ready for a pure love. She comes back home and friday night i called her stepmom.
WHen she was home for Eid her stepmom had asked me why im not giving her another chance because look how serious she sounds and shes cutting herself because shes so distraught. I told her that it isnt the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time and everytime she doesnt change. I told her that when she goes back to the US, within a week or two she'll stop completely and find someone else.
So i had called her stepmom to tell her that i was right and my ex called me in the night to tell me i shouldnt have told her parents anything and shes done with me, doesnt love me, told me all the good things about this new guy and that he treats her better in that one week than I ever had and that she thinks hes the one (She used to say that about me up to the day before) and that while hes busy during hte day and isnt active nor really replies to her during the day, she just busies herself so its ok. She ended up blocking me.
One of her cousins messaged me and said that hes all shes talking about and that she showed her a picture of the two of them hugging tightly and asked her if she saw his nice car etc but she already started complaining how theres a bit of a language barrier and that when she messages him on one app about something serious, he just goes to another app and starts another conversation there.
I saw his instagram last night and ended up accidently liking one of his posts and within minutes he had me blocked and she also had me blocked on instagram. I messaged her and asked her to give me a quick call because i just want some closure and she just told me to leave her alone. She wants nothing to do with me, does not and will not think about me now or in the future, she doesnt like nor love me and that its my fault i pushed her away, told her I hate her and that shes just like her mom. i told her i never said i hated her, i only told her i still love her but cant forget what she did and that i dont want to tell her I love oyu because i dont want her thinking everything is fine when its not. She said that im making up my own crazy delusions and to get over it, shes done and doesnt want me at all and shes happy with someone else and to stop bothering her and her family. Her step has bene nothing but supportive of me.
I feel like i didn't deserve what this girl put me through. I gave her so many chances and fixed so much of her. now she's giving someone else whom she met a week ago everything i begged her for. I want her back, trust me when i say i dont. I just miss the person I thought she was.
I didn't deserve any of it.
I know what she says about me and its fine, I loved her more than anything else and everyone saw it. I did everything i could and much more and everything saw it, except her. i want her to regret it a lot, perhaps she is changed for him, but I want there to come a day she has to unblock me to reach out to me, just for the closure that she regrets it. I really really want her to regret not valuing me as much as i valued her. I want her to regret throwing away every chance i gave her to show that she's changed and can finally love me the way I deserved, because i showed her what it was like to be loved without restraint. I just want her to regret it. I didnt deserve a single bit of it at all and its eating me away knowing that I didn't while she laughs with him. I know how she was with me so i know how she is with him and while im at my lowest, unable to sleep at night because i get nightmares of that girl, shes happier than ever. Im not happy for her at all, as a matter of fact, I hate that shes so much happier than me because i Deserved that. I deserved to get the good parts of her and all i got was the worst parts that no one else had to get. She actually admitted that she gave me the worst parts of herself and only me because i was there and she doesnt know why she did it really. I didnt deserve what I got, I deserved the pure love.
Sometimes you love the wrong people, doesnt mean you have to change the way you love. Sorry for the storybook and word vomit. If theres anyone who actually read the whole thing, i appreciate it. Just needed to get it off my chest really. Stay safe out there people.

I know im young and a lot of people will probably say im over reacting but man i gave that girl everything I could. I'm mainly writing this to come to terms with things and I dont think itll get a lot of traction but stick with me if youre reading.
I met her in 2022 through my friend. I was at a point where i was content being by myself and wasnt really looking for anyone but he would always get upset with me for not messaging her because she was upset with him that i didn't message her so one day i just decided to do it. We clicked almost instantly. Looking back it was red flags all over because she was seeing someone although they werent in a relationship. She's studying in the US and im in our home country but we clicked so well we kept talking.
After a couple weeks of us talking literally the entire night every night, she cut things off witht the other guy and fully invested in me. I remember when she first came home for christmas that year, I had a pretty big chem exam on the monday but she had said that I her the saturday and that she's clearing my schedule for me. I found it pretty cute and I did meet her and just pulled and all night aced the course so it wasn't a problem. From then on, we were inseparable. That christmas I went over by her, met her parents and got close enough with them that they invited me to go everywhere with them. They were kind of strict so i could only really go over by her but I'd spend the entire day by her and they'd drop me back home (I had no car).
In december the first blatant red flag showed itself, she had a friend (We will call him #1) that would constantly call her pet names like my princess or baby etc and I had told her thats weird and you should tell him to stop. She said she did but one of the days that i was over by her i noticed that she was talking to her and it was the same pet names. She noticed that I noticed and I asked her if she had told him about it and she said yes then I asked her why's he still doing it then and she just she doesnt know. I told her it made me uncomfortable and since he clearly doesnt respect any boundaries if she could stop talking to him and she just said sure. That same day, the guy she was talking to right before me had messaged her and said hi and she showed me and blocked him without me having to ask her. The rest of christmas went by with nothing much minus the mess up i did which was asking my ex girlfriend that was before her to crochet a panda keychain for her so i could gift it to her (horrible on my part i know).
Skip forward to January and shes back in the US for school and im going to uni in our home country. Im on the phone with her during every second of the day outside of class adn when i wasn't on the phone with her I was messaging her. She had wanted to sleep on calls together and i induldged so we were on the phone even while we slept. Now a couple weeks after she went back the US i felt something change and she got a bit distant but wouldn't tell me no matter what. i ahd started going to the gym with my friend (the same one who introduced us) and I was doing nothing except classes, then a 2 hour gym session in the night. I remember it like it was yesterday, I had went for food with my friend before gym and we ended up going to the airport for subway since it was pretty close to us and I sent her pic and joked that ill hop on a plane and come to her if she wanted to and she just said no. I ended up skipping gym to spend some time with her and see what was bothering her and if she'd tell me. She ended up sayign she feels like i dont spend enough time with her and i felt horrible and started to apologise and tell her that I'd make a more conscious effort to spend less time with my friend and more with her and halfway through me saying that I got a snap from her. She had accidently sent me a flirty snap that she was supposed to send to another guy and when i asked her about it she just said she sent it to the wrong person. After a couple seconds of me saying nothing i guess she realised that she did something wrong and she started to backtrack, saying that she didn't realise it was flirty and whatnot but i just hung up adn went to smoke a cigarette on my steps outside. When I cooled off a bit i was initially going to end things then and there with her because flirting with someone else while we're in a relationship (forgot to mention we got together officially in december) was a major dealbreaker for me but she begged and pleaded and promised and even did SH, i caved and let it slide but it still bothered my for about a week or so before i got over it.
February now, my birthday is right after valentines day and right after my birthday is Carnival. I dont have a lot of money but i wanted to do something special for her because she was coming back home for her spring break a week or so after valentine's day. At the time i couldn't make online purchases or anything because i didnt have a card that allowed me to do so so the only option was asking my mother but my mother and I have a really strained relationship for other reasons and my mother didnt like whenever i was in a relationship so she said no when i asked her if I could use her card to order my then girlfriend some flowers and Ill just give her the cash back. So, instead I opted to do something for when she came back home in a couple of weeks which i explained to her. Valentine's day rolled around and my birthday came the day after and she was acting weird and distant again but i just thought she was sad that I wasn't there or that her dad and stepmom didn't send her flowers that year (they normally did that every year). Her stepmom actually baked me a pretty sweet cake for my birthday and dropped it off for me which was really sweet and i loved it. Anyways, i tried to be there for her during those days and when she came back i was really excited.
The day before she came back I went down to visit her dad and stepmom and asked them if I could stay for a bit to decorate her room etc and they said yea. So my friend (same one who introduced us) took me to the store and i got balloons, flowers, a panda plushie and I had handwrtten her a long love letter and I spent the evening cleaning and decorating her room to make it special. i ended up not liking the flowers so I asked her older sister to take me to the store and i picked up some new flowers and set everything up while managing to hide the surprise from her and just telling my girlfriend that im visiting her parents just to say hi to everyone. The next day comes and goes and she came home and just didn't mention anything which got me a bit down but i brushed it off. I visited her the very next day which was saturday, I woke up early and had been saving up whatever money i had so i could spend it on taxis to go over to her house everyday while she was home.
When I got there i asked if she got my surprise and she just said yea and she was telling her stepmom how i wrote her the letter and was teasing me, starting to read it out for her stepmom and sister to listen to while I (dying of embarassment) begged her not to. her stepmom ended up telling her that its private and to stop, which she did. Fast forward an hour or so and we are on her couch just watching tiktoks on her phone when she gets a message from #1 and at first she tries to play it off as her not knowing why hes messaging her but the message itself was him asking her how her flight was, nothing big. But I asked her open the chat and when she did that was the only message from him, meaning she had deleted whatever messages before where she wouldve told him shes coming home etc and that bothered me because i had asked her to not talk to him for what i think is a good reason and she told me she would. So her still talking to him behind my back and then hiding the messages really bothered me. I ended up almost heading home for the day but i opted not to since it wasn't anything objectively bad. The next day i went down by her and asked to see if there was anything else she was hiding, turns out there were two other guys; one she told to come over (as a joke apparently) and another we will call Jon (important later). Once again, i brushed it off as nothing too bad objectively and though her stepmom had heard the story and had scolded her when I left the day before, we just moved past it.
March, April, May, was more or less uneventful. I had scrapped together some more money and begged her stepmom to order some lego flowers and send it across to her for me because she wanted them and I just paid her in cash. i was also working for my stepdad to get money for a summer trip for me to go and stay by her and see her. Around may was when she started saying she doesnt know if she wants this or could do it because ldr was hard and I told her i understand and if she wants to end things or try with someone else thats in the US as well id understand but she never wanted to break up, she always opted to stay.
July now, I went up and stayed by her for 4 weeks i think it was and we had to split most costs 50/50 to make what money i had last, and I still had to cut the trip a bit short because I was cutting it really close, but it was no problem. I came back home in august and she came a couple days after and i spent every single day by her. Had a couple of sleepovers too because at that point her parents started letting her sister's boyfriend stay over too so they let me as well and we had a lot of fun. While my girlfriend would normally end up going in her room earlier than us, her sister, sister's boyfriend, stepmom and I would stay up and watch movies and make late night gas station trips to get snacks for the night. At that point i was close to her entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma, everyone. Her uncle had actually invited me to come over for his kid's gender reveal and it was nice. My girlfriend at that point was always getting mad at me for small things like when i wanted to wear pink but she wanted me to wear blue and she also brought up the fact that the distance is too hard for etc almost every other week. A night or so before the gender reveal party she sat me down and said that i dont make her feel appreciated or anything because i appeal to her gift giving love language etc and I remember i couldnt help but let a couple tears fall. We ended up talking for a bit and her sister saw us talking and she ended up getting in trouble with her stepmom because she wasnt understanding im doing everything I could with the amount of money I had. Since all my money was always spent on commuting to her parents house and I just dropped around 1.5k USD on my trip to go visit her, her stepmom was upset with her for demanding more and wanting to end things over that.
That was when her sister, aunts and uncles started to tell her and her parents they she needs to start to treat me better. At that point she had me running up and the down house trailing behind her while she yelled at me for silly things like wanting to go outside and spend time with her family whilst she wanted to sit inside. I remember she called me a day, angry, because one of her aunts told her stepmom to tell her to treat me better and she told me that everyone thinks im so good nad I just sat there confused.
I spent every cent i had on trying to see her as much as possible. Every night I would stay up an hour later just in case she couldnt sleep and wanted someone to talk to, i wasn't going out with my friends nearly as much and if I did she'd be on a call with me. I wasn't studying and was using that time to talk to her but that was okay because it made her happy and I could afford to sacrifce my work and my sleep for her. There were times i pulled all nighters because she asked me to wake up her up at a specific time and i didnt trust myself to wake up in time so id just stay up to wake her up before taking a power nap before my first class. So september passes and we are in october now, this is where it gets juicier.
She had no friends in the US outside of guys she had history with, them liking her etc but she hadnt spoken to them because the last two she had kept in contact with she didnt enforce boundaries. She also didnt leave her apartment much and Id beg her to go out some more and try to make more friends from class or whatever. Id always get really happy for her whenever she said she was going to the mall but she'd want to stay on a call with me through it all and I always had to ask her to go and enjoy herself and to just be safe and let me know when she was home and that she needed time to herself.
At this point her her family and I are basically family too. Id visit them once a month or so to check in and they'd always get angry with me for not visiting them enough and they'd tease me that I only come over when my gf is there. They were inviting me on family outings everytime and her grandma would always tell me she loves me and to come around more. I went to her brother's birthday party there and stayed on a call with her the whole time so she could be there as well. Like i said, shes on the phone with me 24/7 if Im not in a class.
In october now, she gets distant. There was a day october 22nd, we hung up and i took a nap and I woke up around 2pm and she didnt reply to my previous message. SHe had also wanted me to get life360 some time back so i had it for her. A couple hours passed and she wasnt replying to me nor answering my calls and when i checked life 360 her location was off and wasnt loading, More hours passed and I had already messaged my friend to ask if he heard from her and her sister. Her sister checked her Find My location and that location was off as well and its only aorund 8 or 9pm she finally called me and said she went to wynward by herself and didnt feel like picking up my calls or replying she just needed time and space. I was upset and told her that i understand that but next time just let me know so i dont panic thinking something happened to you. A couple days later she got in trouble with her stepmom for 'stressing me out and disappearing' but i just laughed it off.
Now, A couple days later she started telling me wants me to cut off my friend (the one who introduced us). it was out of the blue because she had been saying shes going to stop being friends with him since he started moving different ever since he started liking this other girl (one of my other friends) but i didnt expect her to want me to cut him out of my life seeing that they were really good friends before and this guy and I were almost like brothers. I told her no and it went on for a couple weeks until he blocked her and she stopped asking and demanded. Now, we had many conversations about our future plans, marriage etc. I had gotten into med school at that point and told her after my 3rd year Id propose and stuff and we had a good future plan set; where we'd immigrate, Id convert to islam for her, a good timeline everything. SO she told me that if i want to be in her life i have to cut him off because she doesnt want him in her life at all.
I told her ill go talk to him about it because she wasnt giving me any reason why she hated him so much all of a sudden and thats when she started backtracking saying nevermind and its ok but i had my mind made up to find out what was going on. So he comes and picks me up and I asked wtf is going on between them. He sighs and tells me that a week before Oct 22nd she had a convo w him where she said she still had feelings for him and wanted him back and wants to leave me. i remember that night because we had another fight where she said I was restricting her from going out or making friends (i literally begged her to make friends and to go out) and that I was manipulative and gaslit her. He had the texts to prove it too so i just called her parents, told them I was breaking up with her and then went home. When I got home i asked her for the real reason she wanted me to cut him off and she didnt want to talk really so i just told her what i knew and broke up with her. She didnt react much but after she called me crying and begging and she booked me a flight to go see her in the US, this was a week before a pretty big exam I had in Med school but I still went.
The whole time I was going to the airport, waiting for my flight, boarding, in the air and during my layover flight in panama (it was cheaper to take a layover in panama) she as begging for me back and the whole works. She picked me up from the airport around 10am and i ended up having her apologise to my friends (the one who introduced us and the girl he like because my girlfriend was always really mean to her for no reason) and we talked, she ended up telling me that she only had that conversation with him because she wanted him and the girl he liked to not get together because she thought she was bad for him. A couple days into my stay there and im studying on her ipad for my exam when i got back and she got a message from imessage that popped up on her ipad.
I had flown out sunday morning around 1am and it was wednesday morning at 2:42 am. I was doing a lecture on cancer cells and she was asleep on the bed next to me. I was almost done when I saw the message. It was from Jon. Curious, i opened it and it was the only message and i saw that she had 342 deleted messages from him and 3 other guys. I opened Jons first and the saturday night when I broke up with her she messaged him, rekindlign a friendsship i guess. Whilst I was on the phone with her sending over my passport information, while i was at the airport, while i was flying over to her she was BEGGING me for another chance and it wont happen again and she was also messaging him. To summarise, she was telling him shes so happy its over, that im a loser and she wanted it to end since January. She said she was giggling and that I never did anything for her and that for valentine's i didnt even get her flowers. She said I was stupid because she did what she did for a good reason (Her triyng to break my friends up) and she was promising him that she won't see me again when she goes back him. She told him that she wanted to get to know him, her bed was big enough for a sleepover, the positions she liked, that she'd throw away the baby if he got her pregnant, that raw felt better and more disgusting things that I wouldnt wish my worst enemy to have to see a girl he love say to another guy while she slept peavefully next to him. To end the convo, he asked for some nudes and she sent some boob pics and he sent dick pics and then she told him dont message her for a week cuz she needs space. The morning I landed he had messaged her and she got upset with him, telling him to give her till monday ( i was leaving sunday evening) and then she'd be his. The two other guys were a lot less horrible, just her from august and october saying she misses them and she cant talk to them that much when im over by her every day (it was while i watched movies with her family). its still bad but it wasnt as bad as Jon.
i stumbled out of her apartment and couldnt walk striaght. i was shaking, vomiting and everything. SHe ended up waking up and calling me asking where i was and i went back and sat down and talked to her, asking if there was anything she was hiding and giving her every chance to tell the truth and she lied to the end until i told her that you can see deleted msgs on imessage. Then we had an arguement until the sun came up and I said some things like shes an easy whore out of anger which i deeply regret. I couldnt just leave so i had to stick it out for the rest of the days which i did nad in the end i caved to her pleas under the condition that she'd get therapy since she said her dad and (real) mom's relationship had fucked her up and her mom specifically really fucked her up. (Doormat, I know). So i go back home and barely pass my exam and while im talking to her and making an effort and shes trying her best with therapy and everything, its eating me alive but i tough it out and after my finals she came home and i spent the entire winter break at her parent's house with her, not leaving a single night because her stepmom had plans for me and her sister's boyfriend up until new years and some days after. I can't lie, it was fun because her family celebrated it really nicely and i never had a christmas like that ever.
Fast forward to february 1st this year and things were looking good. She had just gotten out of a therapy session and she called me and broke up with me saying she needs to heal and she doesnt want to be exclusive because she doesnt want to have to consider my feelings but she (allegedly) wont talk to anyone else and not to beg her or try to change her mind, i just said ok and have a good one. I was shattered, crying in ways i never cried before and the whole works because at that point i had sacrificed even my dignity and pride to stay with her through everything. During the first week she was mainly just playing videogames with another friend of hers (lets call him Ant) and that was mainly it while i was in shambles. She told me that he meant a lot to her as a friend and she cant imagine risking losing him as a friend and I asked her if shes fine with risking me forever and she said she thought about it and yea, shes sure she is.
I visited her parents and cried in her stepmom's arms while telling her everything. When i got back home she found out i told her stepmom what she had done in november and she went off the rails, saying i ruined her life and im an asshole and she wants nothing to do with me and to fuck off and get out her life and whatever. I just told her i get it and i just hope she can change for the next person and she said that she could've changed anytime and just didnt want to and im the only one who got that part of her and no else will have to got through that. I didnt say much but we ended up still talking for some time after and she apologised. She flew me out again and i went and it was ok, i found out that Jon had reached out to her again and she hid it but i didnt even care anymore.
She was in contact with my aunt because over winter she had met my aunt and when i had tol dmy aunt what happened my aunt was pissed but long story short there, my aunt told her to leave me tf alone. She and my sister had a good relationship so shed always tell my sister how much she loves me and wants me and my sister would tell me to give her another chance (i didn't tell her why I broke up with my gf). But every 2 weeks shed explode on me again and just say horrible stuff before apologising again. For example, during ramadan I took a sip of alcohol and went off the rails for that saying im disgusting and more. April 6th now, im starting to warm back up to her because i was crazy for this girl. That night she had told me she'll give me a call after she finishes playing with her cousin and brother and Ant and i said ok and when i checked the time it was 2am and she hadnt called. So i messaged her and asked her about it and she went off saying that she told me she cant give me any effort or attention so why do i keep asking for it and that we aren't in a relationship and she cant do it anymore. I just told her ok, i get it, and something in me just snapped and disappeared.
I didnt talk to her for 2 days and I didnt care, then, my sister called her and told her about this girl i was practicing skills with (It was me, the new girl and a couple other friends) and my ex went batshit on me. But i had given up on her already so I just told her we aren't even friends and shes just a mutual friend (which is true). After a day, she came home again and at that point she was all over me. She had gotten out of therapy and was saying that she wants me back and shes changed and its different and she was just obsessed with me but i didnt buy it. So Eid rolls around and her family invites me over so i go and we spend that time together but im still telling her that no, i dont believe what youre now saying and im done.
The saturday after Eid i go back and me, her stepmom and her have a talk and Im still adamant, telling her i dont want her right now but when she graduates if she's still consistent with that and neither of us are in a relationship then we can try something but shes going on, harping on about her only doing those things because of how i manipulated and gaslit her and the reason behind it is her mother and she went through therapy and stuff but im not buying it. She went back to the US the day after for classes. The monday now she calls me and says she messaged the girl (the one my sister told her about) and I just tell her to leave me alone and she starts up, spouting insults and I had enough and just told her I shouldve listened to her family when they said she was just like her mother (Her entire family used to say that).
She was still saying she wants me and loves me and wants to try again and I was still adamant, telling her that I do still love her because i can't stop just like that after loving her so much for so long, but I stopped seeing a that future with her when she did what she did in november and that I cant forget. I told her to give me time and let me heal from what she caused and we can see again next year because it wont be the same as it was if we get into a relationship right now. Turns out that she was talking to some other guy that looked similar to me for day while she was begging for me but i didnt care. Im studying for finals and shes calling me every 5 minutes and while i answer everytime I keep telling her to let me study and leave me be. Then i tell her she needs to move on and make friends to distract her.
Last wednesday now, she goes out for a the entire night with some dude who had messaged her on Instagram the week before (she told me an hour before she left that he had asked her out and she said no). When she comes home she says she had nothing to do so she went but it was just as friends but hes really nice and he has a nice car and everything. I just told her ok and she said that she still wants me and to give her another chance etc but i stick to what ive been saying. The next day she called me and said the same thing but she said that he asked her out again and shes not going to go because she was coming home the day after and she wants to see me. Of course, she goes out with him. But an hour before he picked her up she called and told me hes just a friend, she does like him, she sees nothing with him and hes nice yea and they have all these plans for when she goes back to the US and they took such cute pics together the night before but hes just a friend. Friday morning she makes a 180, saying shes going to try things with him and hes really nice and she wants to see where things go and shes ready for a pure love. She comes back home and friday night i called her stepmom.
WHen she was home for Eid her stepmom had asked me why im not giving her another chance because look how serious she sounds and shes cutting herself because shes so distraught. I told her that it isnt the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time and everytime she doesnt change. I told her that when she goes back to the US, within a week or two she'll stop completely and find someone else.
So i had called her stepmom to tell her that i was right and my ex called me in the night to tell me i shouldnt have told her parents anything and shes done with me, doesnt love me, told me all the good things about this new guy and that he treats her better in that one week than I ever had and that she thinks hes the one (She used to say that about me up to the day before) and that while hes busy during hte day and isnt active nor really replies to her during the day, she just busies herself so its ok. She ended up blocking me.
One of her cousins messaged me and said that hes all shes talking about and that she showed her a picture of the two of them hugging tightly and asked her if she saw his nice car etc but she already started complaining how theres a bit of a language barrier and that when she messages him on one app about something serious, he just goes to another app and starts another conversation there.
I saw his instagram last night and ended up accidently liking one of his posts and within minutes he had me blocked and she also had me blocked on instagram. I messaged her and asked her to give me a quick call because i just want some closure and she just told me to leave her alone. She wants nothing to do with me, does not and will not think about me now or in the future, she doesnt like nor love me and that its my fault i pushed her away, told her I hate her and that shes just like her mom. i told her i never said i hated her, i only told her i still love her but cant forget what she did and that i dont want to tell her I love oyu because i dont want her thinking everything is fine when its not. She said that im making up my own crazy delusions and to get over it, shes done and doesnt want me at all and shes happy with someone else and to stop bothering her and her family. Her step has bene nothing but supportive of me.
I feel like i didn't deserve what this girl put me through. I gave her so many chances and fixed so much of her. now she's giving someone else whom she met a week ago everything i begged her for. I want her back, trust me when i say i dont. I just miss the person I thought she was.
I didn't deserve any of it.
I know what she says about me and its fine, I loved her more than anything else and everyone saw it. I did everything i could and much more and everything saw it, except her. i want her to regret it a lot, perhaps she is changed for him, but I want there to come a day she has to unblock me to reach out to me, just for the closure that she regrets it. I really really want her to regret not valuing me as much as i valued her. I want her to regret throwing away every chance i gave her to show that she's changed and can finally love me the way I deserved, because i showed her what it was like to be loved without restraint. I just want her to regret it. I didnt deserve a single bit of it at all and its eating me away knowing that I didn't while she laughs with him. I know how she was with me so i know how she is with him and while im at my lowest, unable to sleep at night because i get nightmares of that girl, shes happier than ever. Im not happy for her at all, as a matter of fact, I hate that shes so much happier than me because i Deserved that. I deserved to get the good parts of her and all i got was the worst parts that no one else had to get. She actually admitted that she gave me the worst parts of herself and only me because i was there and she doesnt know why she did it really. I didnt deserve what I got, I deserved the pure love.
Sometimes you love the wrong people, doesnt mean you have to change the way you love. Sorry for the storybook and word vomit. If theres anyone who actually read the whole thing, i appreciate it. Just needed to get it off my chest really. Stay safe out there people.

For background, I had 2 long term relationships a few years back. First when I was 18, and the guy was 21, and then when I was 20, and the guy was 25. The types of guys that go for me are the tattooed, dad-bod, craft beer guys who are about 5-10 years older than me, that's who all of my exes are. I haven't been that focused on relationships for the past few years, but I had a few situationships that were fine but fizzled without any issue.
"Jay" and I met online, on reddit in fact. We were discussing a movie, agreed a lot, started joking and making banter, moved to DMs, etc. I didn't have any intentions. I've never done it before but I made a discord so we could talk without giving out my actual phone number (he showed me how to do it lol!). I found out he lived in my state. It became flirty (he initiated). I had seen a few pictures of him I knew he was an adult because he mentioned voting, drinking, and college. I just thought he was 21, which is still young, I know.
I was cautious to flirt with him over messages, before meeting him, so I told him that. In a really bad decision, we decided to meet up at a public place since we live pretty close to one another. We were just supposed to go for a walk, but it ended up being an all night thing because we got dinner and then went back to my apartment because he needed to charge his phone.
There was a lot of sexual tension, more than I am used to. Important: WE DID NOT HAVE SEX. Or do anything else. He mentioned something about college, and something he said gave me a weird feeling. I asked how old he was and he said 19!
So, I come to find out, he is 19. He never lied about his age, I just stupidly assumed, and that's my fault. I told him I had just turned 26 at the beginning of April, so he knew I was old, but I should have asked how old he was. I also found out he is a FRESHMAN at college and lives with his parents! He has no job, because he's a full time student and he live streams on twitch which he says he makes money off.
Now, I was living with my parents too, until like 2 months ago. I graduated college super late, at 24. I also was unemployed until recently. I often joke to my roommate that I feel like I'm only 20 because I only just started living on my own. I feel like a loser but I had a very bad health condition and was a caregiver so my early 20s just kind of vanished. I only say this to point out that I am not that established financially or career-wise, I'm just more established than him. And trust me I know it's embarrassing that I have as much in common with him as I do.
I expressed to Jay that I was weirded out by his age, and told him to go home. We talked politely after that, and this is my big mistake number 2, because I liked talking with him so I selfishly wanted to continue to be friends. He was teaching me all about video games and twitch, something I never knew anything about. So after a little while, Jay texts me "I want to date you and ultimately be in a relationship." He's very direct like that, and I like that, but he is only direct because he's 19 and he has the that youthful unearned confidence. I told him I can't agree to that because you are 19.
Because we had flirted before I knew his age, I accidentally set a precedent that I have struggled to reverse. He got a taste of what "that stuff" would be like with me and he is very persistent now. I'd like to believe I'm pretty but we all know it's just because he lacks experience.
The second time he came to my place, it was to pick up a keychain thing he had conveniently left here. My ex, who I am friends with and haven't been with in many years, was in the living room smoking weed with my roommate, and Jay decided to sit with them. He was trying to fit in, and my ex offered him a beer and I had to loudly tell him that Jay is only 19. My ex thought he was like 22. I felt awful and I explained to him I don't want to be a negative impact on him. He kept insisting he has drank before, he likes it and he knows to only have 1, but he literally cannot know what he likes, or what is doing. To be fair he didn't fight me on this he just said "I understand" and was very respectful and told me he will stop the occasional drinking even with his friends since it upsets me. But still... not the point.
My roommate says that I'm mothering him, and that I do this to every guy I date, even if they're older than me. But that's just because I can't stand the idea of accidentally harming someone or enabling them to harm themselves! And that's extra true for Jay.
If he were my age, I wouldn't be bothered at all, but he isn't. It's awful and predatory of me to be a 26 year old woman having a FWB OR a relationship with a 19 year old boy whose brain isn't even fully developed. It's just wrong. If the genders were reversed that's what everyone would say, so it shouldn't be any different here.
Additionally, being with me will make him grow up too fast. He should just be relaxing, focusing on school, doing teenager stuff... he shouldn't be hearing me vent about doing my taxes and stuff like that. He doesn't even understand most of that stuff. I can tell because the few times I've tried mentioning it, he just says "oh" or something. He recently started talking about how he wants me to come to a gaming party thing he's hosting (i dont really understand it) and that he wants me to meet his friends... that made me sad.
Tonight I tried texting him and explaining that we are just in different places in life and that I obviously can't commit to dating him. I had said this before, the first time he mentioned dating, but I don't know if he understood. For the first time since I met him, he got upset. He said that he was stupid and delusional and too affectionate... He said he was jealous of my ex for being so cool even though he knows it's stupid. He wasn't like, hysterical, he just seemed definitely upset, which I've never seen him be before. He's always so cheerful, so now I feel extra bad that I made him like that.
Most guys my age aren't really open about their emotions like that, so I didn't know what to say. I felt really bad, I just told him I would give him a break from texting and that I hoped he felt better tomorrow.
I think part of the problem is that I do find him really funny and sweet, so it's hard to force myself to cut him off, but as you're all going to tell me, that's what needs to be done.
In order to make myself more likely to cut him off, I looked up "26 year old woman dating 19 year old guy" and found a few Reddit threads that basically solidify that I am a bad egg and need to ghost.
"Not only creepy, close to being a p\** (if not). He is barely legal ffs."*
"this is super creepy, not okay. it’s like you’re ruining an entire chapter of a book for someone. if you’re too mentally and emotionally immature to find someone your own age, get some therapy and stop dating."
"Disgusting to be honest. If i was his mum i would sort you right out!"
"You’re a creep"
"I’m 24 and think dating a 21 year old is creepy. He’s still a child."
"It’s not right. Don’t rob this kid of his youth"
So yeah. That's cool. I mean, I didn't go looking for a relationship, and I also didn't know he was 19, but now I do, so I have to do something.
It's hard because whenever I bring up the age gap between us, he focuses on the fact that "we want similar things in life". I fully can't have and don't want kids. I just want to live with a boyfriend and travel and maybe get a dog. He claims he wants the same things, but he can't possibly know what he wants at 19. What I want hasn't changed much since when I was 19, but still, for most people it does. Now, when I was 19/20 I dated a 24/25 year old guy but it was different because he was in the Army, whereas I am not established like that, my career is just in social work and I am kind of a loser because I got such a late start to adulthood. And that relationship only ended because he moved and I didn't want to do long distance, but still.
I've never had to break things off with someone because they are too young. I've never even dated someone who wasn't a few years older than me. So I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings. It's also really hard for me to do because I like him and think he's really sweet. But I know for a fact I would be a negative influence on his life given my age.
My roommate was saying if I'm going to break things off with him, I should just disappear completely. I was thinking of just telling him I care about him but me being in his life is unhealthy, then deleting all my social media tonight so he just doesn't have to think about me anymore. I think giving him any further explanation will just upset him, and also I think I will keep wanting to talk to him since he is really funny and sweet. I think maybe if I ghost, it will be easier for him to get over this.
TLDR: I met a guy on Reddit, started chatting in Dms, ultimately found out we live near each other. We met up and flirted (NO SEX!), then I found out he was 19. I'm 26. Now, I did get a late start to adulthood, and only just moved into my first apartment a few months ago. I feel 20. But, I am not. I am 26. I am fully aware that it would be gross, predatory, and borderline P*** for me to continue to even flirt with him. It hasn't gone beyond flirting. He sees no issue with the age gap and admitted he wants to be in a committed relationship with me. I appreciate his directness, but he's only direct because he doesn't know anything because he's 19. 19 year olds are incapable of knowing what they want in life, their brains aren't even developed fully. So as much as I wish things were the way he sees them, they aren't. Unfortunately I have no idea how to let him down gently. I tried doing so tonight and he just got upset and it felt really bad. I just told him we'd take a break from texting and I was thinking of just deleting all my socials that he has me on, to make the process less painful for him. I would really love advice on how to make this as smooth as possible because I really care about him, which is why I hate how I'm this icky older woman preying on a nice guy like him. I just don't want to hurt him any more than I already have, on accident.
I am truly sorry for the length, I've never really had a situation with a guy upset me like this so I just had a lot to say, please understand. Sorry.

Part 1
I’m sorry it took so long for me to get this update posted.
Everything that happened has been… well… a lot... to process. At first, I didn’t want to even write it down – I didn’t want to relive that night, but I guess I can’t avoid it forever. Especially knowing what I know now – that I may never have another chance to.
Almost two years to the day from my first post, my best friend Liz disappeared from room 347 in the middle of the final night of our stay at a swanky hotel. I woke up alone the next morning to the door still bolted from the inside, she had left everything behind. The only place she could’ve gone was through the dark, narrow space behind the small door and false wall – leading from our room into a space that never should’ve existed. Even after crawling through it myself, I never found her.
The manager of the hotel and the police were not just insistent that she left of her own volition – their tones and expressions became almost threatening when I pushed further.
Her fiancé, Jarrod, and I had been searching for her ever since.
When I received the invitation to stay at that same hotel, in that same room, of course I knew the risks. But, in the hopes that it could give us even a slim chance of finding Liz, I accepted it.
So, I bought a little canister of triple action pepper spray, and packed my bag.
Something in the back of my mind told me that to bring Jarrod with me would mean I’d never find out what happened to her that night. I scheduled an email to go out to him the morning after the final night of my stay, explaining where I’d gone.
You know – just in case I never came back.
I’ve been home for a while now and I’m still struggling to put some of the pieces together – I’m starting to accept that there are some things I may never fully understand. I’m afraid of what may be coming next.
During my recent stay, I didn’t spend much time in the room, with its overpowering smell of bleach – mingled with something else that I couldn’t quite place. Mostly, I tried to search the surrounding city for anything I may have missed before, and of course, explored every inch of that hotel that I could.
Details that I either didn’t catch during our first stay, or pay enough attention to, are now haunting me – details such as how a ritzy looking hotel in the middle of a popular tourist destination never seemed to have anyone else in it.
Or, how there was no way to get to the 7th floor. The buttons so casually skipped from 6 to 8 on the lone elevator that I hadn’t caught it during our first stay. From the main stairs, where there should’ve been an entrance to the hallway, the landing just led to a solid wall.
Once I felt that I’d seen as much of the 3rd floor as I could, I decided to venture deeper into the 4th floor on the second day. On first glance, when the elevator doors opened, it seemed as modern and welcoming as my own floor – albeit with that same feeling of wrongness lurking just below the surface. Once I made it down the hallway and rounded a blind corner, though, the new carpet and cheery paint all stopped abruptly.
I found myself surrounded by the original, fading wallpaper, stains marring the swirling patterns of the torn carpets. Even the light fixtures along the walls looked dated – most struggled to stay on at all. I finally turned back and ran, when they appeared to give out and plunged the windowless hallway into total darkness without warning.
When I calmed down, I checked the other floors. Other than the 3rd, each one I could access all had that same feature – once you reached the portion out of sight from the elevator, the façade abruptly fell away.
Whenever I crossed over to the old, unrenovated side, I always felt a wave of discomfort – that prey instinct of when there’s no one else around you, but you can tell that you are most certainly not alone.
Traveling down those halls felt like stepping back in time, but to a time that was clearly best left forgotten.
Initially, I told myself maybe that was their way of saving money – neglecting the portions that most guests would never see – trying to find some source of courage in willful ignorance.
But when I looked closely, I’d see hints that I was not the first person to walk those halls: a cracked worn and plastic hotel key – still far too modern for those ancient looking doors in the – the glint of a single lost earring. Coming across items left behind from those that came before me made me wonder if their owners ever made it out – the words from the officer two years before were still fresh in my mind.
‘It’s not uncommon for people to visit a city like this and never leave.’
I wondered how many other grieving friends and family members he’d spoken them to.
The night I found it, I’d been wandering around one of those eerily quiet floors. I’d gone further into the winding hallways than I’d ever felt brave enough to before, when I was drawn to a bit of brick peeking out from under cracked plaster and peeling wallpaper in the distance. It was almost entirely bathed in shadows – just beyond where the struggling hall lights had long since given up, and seemed even older than everything else around it. There was a thin gap in the mortar and while it was so dark that I couldn’t see anything, I could feel a faint, stale breeze that carried with it an overpowering smell of rotting meat.
Gagging, I turned around abruptly to see the hotel manager just a couple of feet behind me. I wouldn’t have been able to see him in the shadowy corner at all, save for his eyes glinting at me, unnatural looking in the low light.
I pushed past him without incident, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that hadn’t been the first time he’d silently followed me down the dimly lit hallways.
After that, I made more of an effort to avoid him and his predatory smile, which was easier said than done, since he always seemed to be working – almost as if he never left the hotel.
Every floor I could access had a similar makeshift wall in the same place. I eventually realized it was once a second elevator shaft, since bricked in and plastered over. Once, in the near silence, I thought I heard the sound of something moving behind it.
It was probably easier to seal it off than to fix it, I’d told myself at the time.
I preferred that explanation, rather than to acknowledge my distinct feeling that there was something – not someone, some thing – back there that I had no desire to meet.
Eventually I reached the final night of my stay, no closer to finding out what happened to her.
The only thing left that I could think to do was to try and recreate what I believed may have happened to her that night.
As I prepared for bed, I shoved my phone in my pajama pocket, and grabbed my little can of pepper spray.
My grand plan at that point was to pretend to be asleep, and see if anyone came for me that night. If they did, I’d use the pepper spray and try and get a photo of them, some sort of proof that Liz hadn’t left of her own volition – something that could help us find her.
It may not have been the best idea. Looking back, it was a pretty shitty one.
One that had seemed so much better when I’d been packing my bag in my well-lit bedroom at home the week before. But, I knew it would be the last chance I’d ever get to find out what happened to Liz. After glancing nervously at my small can of pepper spray, I grabbed the swiss army knife off my keychain and shoved it in the other pocket for good measure.
I began to wonder, as I stared up at the dark ceiling that night, in the exact room she’d disappeared from two years earlier, if they invited me there specifically with the intent of nothing happening. I’d been telling anyone that would listen for years all about Liz’s disappearance, about the narrow, dark space in our room, that I’d crawled through. Jarrod had been doing the same – like I said in my last post, he’d been trying to book that same room for years with no luck.
What better way to further discount our concerns than for me to have a perfectly normal stay?
Of course nothing would happen, I realized, disappointed – although I couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of guilt-tinged relief.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the old hinges of the small door protesting, as it was pulled open from the inside.
I was about to learn what happened to Liz all those years ago.
And after what I found – what I'll share here soon – well, I almost wish I hadn’t.
JFR

Part 1
I’m sorry it took so long for me to get this update posted.
Everything that happened has been… well… a lot... to process. At first, I didn’t want to even write it down – I didn’t want to relive that night, but I guess I can’t avoid it forever. Especially knowing what I know now – that I may never have another chance to.
Almost two years to the day from my first post, my best friend Liz disappeared from room 347 in the middle of the final night of our stay at a swanky hotel. I woke up alone the next morning to the door still bolted from the inside, she had left everything behind. The only place she could’ve gone was through the dark, narrow space behind the small door and false wall – leading from our room into a space that never should’ve existed. Even after crawling through it myself, I never found her.
The manager of the hotel and the police were not just insistent that she left of her own volition – their tones and expressions became almost threatening when I pushed further.
Her fiancé, Jarrod, and I had been searching for her ever since.
When I received the invitation to stay at that same hotel, in that same room, of course I knew the risks. But, in the hopes that it could give us even a slim chance of finding Liz, I accepted it.
So, I bought a little canister of triple action pepper spray, and packed my bag.
Something in the back of my mind told me that to bring Jarrod with me would mean I’d never find out what happened to her that night. I scheduled an email to go out to him the morning after the final night of my stay, explaining where I’d gone.
You know – just in case I never came back.
I’ve been home for a while now and I’m still struggling to put some of the pieces together – I’m starting to accept that there are some things I may never fully understand. I’m afraid of what may be coming next.
During my recent stay, I didn’t spend much time in the room, with its overpowering smell of bleach – mingled with something else that I couldn’t quite place. Mostly, I tried to search the surrounding city for anything I may have missed before, and of course, explored every inch of that hotel that I could.
Details that I either didn’t catch during our first stay, or pay enough attention to, are now haunting me – details such as how a ritzy looking hotel in the middle of a popular tourist destination never seemed to have anyone else in it.
Or, how there was no way to get to the 7th floor. The buttons so casually skipped from 6 to 8 on the lone elevator that I hadn’t caught it during our first stay. From the main stairs, where there should’ve been an entrance to the hallway, the landing just led to a solid wall.
Once I felt that I’d seen as much of the 3rd floor as I could, I decided to venture deeper into the 4th floor on the second day. On first glance, when the elevator doors opened, it seemed as modern and welcoming as my own floor – albeit with that same feeling of wrongness lurking just below the surface. Once I made it down the hallway and rounded a blind corner, though, the new carpet and cheery paint all stopped abruptly.
I found myself surrounded by the original, fading wallpaper, stains marring the swirling patterns of the torn carpets. Even the light fixtures along the walls looked dated – most struggled to stay on at all. I finally turned back and ran, when they appeared to give out and plunged the windowless hallway into total darkness without warning.
When I calmed down, I checked the other floors. Other than the 3rd, each one I could access all had that same feature – once you reached the portion out of sight from the elevator, the façade abruptly fell away.
Whenever I crossed over to the old, unrenovated side, I always felt a wave of discomfort – that prey instinct of when there’s no one else around you, but you can tell that you are most certainly not alone.
Traveling down those halls felt like stepping back in time, but to a time that was clearly best left forgotten.
Initially, I told myself maybe that was their way of saving money – neglecting the portions that most guests would never see – trying to find some source of courage in willful ignorance.
But when I looked closely, I’d see hints that I was not the first person to walk those halls: a cracked worn and plastic hotel key – still far too modern for those ancient looking doors in the – the glint of a single lost earring. Coming across items left behind from those that came before me made me wonder if their owners ever made it out – the words from the officer two years before were still fresh in my mind.
‘It’s not uncommon for people to visit a city like this and never leave.’
I wondered how many other grieving friends and family members he’d spoken them to.
The night I found it, I’d been wandering around one of those eerily quiet floors. I’d gone further into the winding hallways than I’d ever felt brave enough to before, when I was drawn to a bit of brick peeking out from under cracked plaster and peeling wallpaper in the distance. It was almost entirely bathed in shadows – just beyond where the struggling hall lights had long since given up, and seemed even older than everything else around it. There was a thin gap in the mortar and while it was so dark that I couldn’t see anything, I could feel a faint, stale breeze that carried with it an overpowering smell of rotting meat.
Gagging, I turned around abruptly to see the hotel manager just a couple of feet behind me. I wouldn’t have been able to see him in the shadowy corner at all, save for his eyes glinting at me, unnatural looking in the low light.
I pushed past him without incident, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that hadn’t been the first time he’d silently followed me down the dimly lit hallways.
After that, I made more of an effort to avoid him and his predatory smile, which was easier said than done, since he always seemed to be working – almost as if he never left the hotel.
Every floor I could access had a similar makeshift wall in the same place. I eventually realized it was once a second elevator shaft, since bricked in and plastered over. Once, in the near silence, I thought I heard the sound of something moving behind it.
It was probably easier to seal it off than to fix it, I’d told myself at the time.
I preferred that explanation, rather than to acknowledge my distinct feeling that there was something – not someone, some thing – back there that I had no desire to meet.
Eventually I reached the final night of my stay, no closer to finding out what happened to her.
The only thing left that I could think to do was to try and recreate what I believed may have happened to her that night.
As I prepared for bed, I shoved my phone in my pajama pocket, and grabbed my little can of pepper spray.
My grand plan at that point was to pretend to be asleep, and see if anyone came for me that night. If they did, I’d use the pepper spray and try and get a photo of them, some sort of proof that Liz hadn’t left of her own volition – something that could help us find her.
It may not have been the best idea. Looking back, it was a pretty shitty one.
One that had seemed so much better when I’d been packing my bag in my well-lit bedroom at home the week before. But, I knew it would be the last chance I’d ever get to find out what happened to Liz. After glancing nervously at my small can of pepper spray, I grabbed the swiss army knife off my keychain and shoved it in the other pocket for good measure.
I began to wonder, as I stared up at the dark ceiling that night, in the exact room she’d disappeared from two years earlier, if they invited me there specifically with the intent of nothing happening. I’d been telling anyone that would listen for years all about Liz’s disappearance, about the narrow, dark space in our room, that I’d crawled through. Jarrod had been doing the same – like I said in my last post, he’d been trying to book that same room for years with no luck.
What better way to further discount our concerns than for me to have a perfectly normal stay?
Of course nothing would happen, I realized, disappointed – although I couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit of guilt-tinged relief.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the old hinges of the small door protesting, as it was pulled open from the inside.
I was about to learn what happened to Liz all those years ago.
And after what I found, well, I almost wish I hadn’t.

I’m (28f) and my bf (26m) have been together for 4 years, we broke up last year for 8 months but reconnected. We both agreed to couples counseling and both currently go to individual counseling. We broke up because he cheated. So that’s the context for why I’m writing here. We both like to gift each other matching things like shoes, shirts, hats etc. well I made him a bracelet with black silver white and clear beads with our initials and a heat with small white it shell beads. I also made and ankle bracelet for myself that matches. He seemed really happy when I gave it to him and promised to never take it off. Well he wore it a couple times then kept losing it or getting it dirty or forgetting it. I think I’ve only seen him wear it twice. Well it’s been bugging me he never wears it and last night while he was out with his bros he ft me and I asked if he found his bracelet, he got so upset and made his friends drive to his house to get it. While they were driving he said he doesn’t have to wear it because his bros scare girls off him anyway. I literally didn’t even think about this bracelet detouring other people’s advances. I asked him if that’s how he views the bracelet. He didn’t answer me. So I told him to not wearing it if he’s uncomfortable and that my feelings are kind of hurt he doesn’t like it even though he said he did. He apologized for hurting my feelings but idk if I pushed too hard or what. I told him after all this now that I know he doesn’t like stuff like this I won’t gift him things like that. Did I over react???
Edit: thanks for the advice and input. This really helped me look at this whole situation through a different perspective. I want to clarify some things, I asked him if I made us matching bracelets would he wear it, he said an enthusiastic yes, it’s made primarily out of glass beads with three plastic beads (I’ll include a photo) I didn’t ask him to wear it all the time, the first day he wore it when I saw him after we got off work I honestly didn’t even realize he’d taken it off, he volunteered the information to me he said it got dirty while he was working and he took it off to clean and left it in his desk. I offered to take it apart and make it into a keychain and he accused me of not trusting him enough to believe he wants to wear it. I already know I’m an idiot for taking him back after the cheating. I’ve been reading every comment and some have made me laugh so thanks for that. I know this doesn’t matter but to everyone saying it’s ugly idc I’ve made and sold jewelry for years and to me it’s art and art is subjective.

So this isn’t about a romantic relationship. It’s about friendship. And I just need to let it all out. It's gonna be real lengthy.
I (19M) am friends with a group of people around my age (like a few months difference) and I just went shopping with them. Just yesterday we were talking about friend A (let’s call her Allie (18F)) skincare. She has been wanting to get into more makeup because 1) We’re at that age now 2) She feels a bit insecure. She has pretty good skin but she feels like it could be better.
So then Allie asked me and our friend B (let’s call him Ben (18F)) for advice. Ben’s decent in skincare, but he doesn’t put as much effort(?). Like, he doesn’t have many steps/doesn't do much but he has knowledge. I, on the other hand, am a bit more knowledgeable because I’ve been proactive in my skincare (especially due to my mom). So, she’s especially, but not specifically, seeking me for advice.
Keep in mind that while we are college students, we aren’t particularly broke (We all have decent paying jobs). However, we do consciously try not to spend money like it falls from trees.
So we schedule for a day (today) to go out to buy skincare. We scheduled it for the afternoon since they're both people who don't sleep until the early morning (they're degen gamers). So I was feeling particularly peppy today to actually put effort into my clothes and just my appearance. I guess that's was all I was getting from the universe today. Because then Ben actually overslept and we (Allie and I) had to wait another hour for us to actually go out shopping. It just goes downhill from here. We go to our first stop (all the shops we go to are for specifically Korean beauty) which is nearby our homes. This shop is a place where they've both haven't really been to, but we all know that the ladies working there are "intense" (just really pushy and everything). I've personally shopped there quite a few times with my mom, so I'm fine with how these workers are. However, maybe I should've considered their characters a bit more. They're both the more introverted shy types. Not quite pushovers or people pleasers, but just a bit. To summarize how it went, it was a bit of a disaster. I spoke up for help from the only worker (we're the only ones in the store at this time); then she comes over to help; is pushy but helpful; takes the items with her to wrap up (because that's a business tactic); we continue looking around and whisper about how we'll tell her that she could hold it for us when we come back later or something. Unbeknownst to me, the two like silently communicated or something because then they're checking out.
I thought that she liked the items that were picked out, despite them being on the pricier side. The total came out to be around $100 for a toner, moisturizer, and SPF cream. It sounds like a scam, but the bottles for both the toner and moisturizer were big and from a reputable brand (that I've used quite often before my skin rejected it). However when we came out of the shop, Allie wouldn't stop talking about how much she paid for the products then Ben told me that he was hoping we just looked around and didn't actually buy anything. He did tell me this earlier in the stop, which is why I told them to just tell her some excuse, but apparently they felt bad for already holding the products (it feels stupid, but I kind of understand).
I wished they've actually told me beforehand or literally just say what I told them to, but it was whatever at this point. Then we headed down the plaza to a stationary store where we were looking for gifts for another friend (she's gonna come up later so let's call her Cathy). While we were looking around, they were kind of standoff-ish and then they met a mutual of theirs who I don't really know. They ask her for advice and she responded with something along the lines of, "why do you need toner?". And I get it, everyone's skin type is different, but her skin type was very similar to mine so I assumed to just get her what I would use. So now, I'm off on my own in the store and is kind of peeping (more like overhearing) on their conversation with their mutual, feeling embarrassed. At this point, I felt like I really should've kept my mouth shut about recommendations and only speak up when she needed help with that pushy worker. I wanted a hole to swallow me up. I could kind of tell they were speaking more quietly to not hurt my feelings, but it's a small store and I'm not hard of hearing.
Now we come out of the store with nothing and going back to return the toner (for now). There's more customers in the beauty store now. The worker is pushy and insistent and won't take no for an answer (or basically us wanting to return stuff). We don't want to cause a scene so we leave. Then we head to Target and met up with Cathy. The car ride there was awkward (for me anyways). They won't stop talking about it and even kind of exaggerated about it to Cathy. Cathy was willing to return it for Allie and be even more stubborn than the worker (and genuine kudos to her). Nothing really happened in Target. Then we go back to the store with Cathy, this time no one was at the store again. We all go together with me and Ben waiting outside. Cathy acted like a scolding big sister to get the return through and walk out successful. I'm happy for them. Then Cathy leaves. We head back to the other beauty store and have a better time there and pick out products (that Ben's using but we don't know his skin type) that aren't as expensive but are good as well.
They can't stop talking about our experience with that pushy worker at that beauty store and I want to never socialize again. Like I get it, it was so weird. But now I'm overthinking this good guy, bad guy situation. Where now I feel like I pushed my friend to buy something they didn't want and I can't clean up my own shit. Because now they're talking about how much they love and appreciate Cathy so much (and I genuinely adore her too, but now I feel like a villain of some sorts to her heroism).
We continue on with our day to buy Cathy her birthday gifts and they just. keep. talking. about. that. situation. But I laugh it off and end our day like that.
By now, you're probably thinking that I'm overthinking it. You're right. I'm a bad overthinker. My friends aren't bad people, they're really kind. But things are stacking up and overflowing now, to the point where I don't know what to do. I feel like an outsider, a third wheel, a casual friend where everyone else are best friends. But, I've known these people for years now. Since high school and they know my family. And it seems like we're pretty close right? Not really.
I know that I should've taken more initiative on my part to get along with them more, but it's not like my life should revolve around them. I want to play video games with them, I really do, but I can't play in the late nights to the early mornings. They play Valorant and meet all sorts of people. So they like talking (gossiping) about their friends from the group. None of which I know, only heard of often. I have four friends who I hang out with in the same state, and they're all closer to each other due to this game, than me who don't/can't play that game. They've asked me to play quite a few times, but their hours are ungodly for a regular person like me. I can play in the late afternoons, but that's when they all just can't for I don't even know why anymore.
The main point I really want to get into is: effort. I don't have many friends. I'm socially awkward and don't really think or make sense when I talk. So when I do make friends, I like to put effort to cherish them. Noting down allergies and birthdays. This year we are all freshmen in college. Some of us are separated by states now and have scheduling conflicts. I like to make sure everyone gets a birthday greeting and maybe a gift, if I can. I like putting effort into the gifts and getting something meaningful. This year, we were all able to meet up for Christmas to exchange gifts. I spent weeks preparing their gifts and making sure I got something they each liked. I would like to state that I understand that it's the thought that counts and I should appreciate whatever I got, and I understand, I do (my mom drilled it into me since young). But when I'm trying to put so much effort, I still want something of the same level back. All I got were some cinnamoroll merch. I like cinnamoroll, yeah, but they've known me for years and they couldn't think of anything else to gift? Everyone else got something they really liked, but all I got were cinnamoroll merch (like keychains and blindboxes). I really feels like I was a second thought to all of them. At least one of my friends thought to give me a small JJK bobble head (basically the fact that I do in fact like other things other than cinnamoroll).
I tried to not feel envious of the others, I really do (I am constantly nagged about good karma and god looking upon me for being generous and kind; basically a saint. Which my mom is, tbf, but that ain't me). But then they missed my birthday. They forgot about my birthday and probably only mine. They apparently thought it was somewhere in May (it wasn't. I'm a winter baby). I tried to understand because everyone's busy during the winter times. Finals, trips, family visits, etc. I wasn't too down about it because I celebrated with my family and closest friend (who's on the other side of the country) (but still love dearly, my twin from another mother <3). However, it wasn't until my birthday was mentioned twice in conversation that I was kind of hurt. The first time we were hanging out with an out of state friend and even that friend had the courtesy to try to give me a gift (she asked for me address to send it to, but I declined out of politeness). I said maybe we could just eat out or something, but they refused the idea, saying it was expensive and probably not worth it. Then we were hanging out with Cathy one day and even Cathy said she had a gift for me (which she still hasn't given, by the way) to which they didn't say much.
They remember to give a gift and birthday greeting to everyone, but me. Now I feel like I want to cry while writing this. Is it so wrong to ask them to put more effort in thinking about me?
I don't want to give up this friend group. I can barely make friends anymore. I feel like I want to distance myself from them, but I don't want to lose them. I even made the stupid decision to meet up with them tomorrow to hang out again after finals (and the stupider decision to write this instead of studying).
What should I do?
TL;DR! Went out to buy beauty products with friend, which went horribly wrong. Then ended up rethinking about my whole friend group and my relations with everyone in it. Now I'm stuck with figuring out what to do.
PS: Might've skipped or missed things because it's a lot and I'm writing at a bad time. Might make an update or something later :)

RAPID CITY SOUTH DAKOTA, low 60s, breezy, sunny, and MY SILVER!! LONG POST, OTHER PLACE TO COVER TOO.
https://imgur.com/a/cTn2wUs
SO, THIS LCS TOTALLY ROCKS. Family owned, daughter working with dad. Nice to see chicks in a coin shop lol. Beyond that, I traded some aztecs (which her people really like so I got 1.00 over spot) and some buffaloes (at spot). So, we were through the door moments after open, with other customers not far behind. I have other pics but since the internet where I am at moment sucks rocks they can wait. I got the nuie for 6 over spot. plus a few ounce bars not in this pic. Prices ranged from 3 and change over spot for generics to 6 and up over spot for sovereign. They are low on non slabbed/numismatic coins.
They had low quality Morgans and Peace for 26, moderate ones for 28, decent to really nice 30, 32 and 34. She said they almost never see the assay office rounds or bars, and her folks really like aztecs over buffalo rounds. Prospectors and JM freedom series go as fast as they arrive with a hefty premium, minimum 6 over spot. She had 1 prospector for 36.00.
And some stunning local gold finds! Including a piece of bonanza grade gold ore from the Homestake mine. When I get home I will post pics.
As to that round: this will be the centerpiece of my MINE collection. Recently here locally a cache of Homestake mine rounds came up for auction. 5 different Homestake rounds were made (that i know of). And this one has my personal favorite toning, the rose toning. And yeah, it was worth 5 buffaloes to me. Point in fact, it is worth more than 5 buffaloes for quite a few folks. So this road trip got me TWO great mine rounds, this one and a Trapper Mine. Woohoo!!
Also went to Presidential Pawn. THAT PAWN SHOP IS CRAZY. The Silver and gold in the cases was overpriced. He pays spot or better on generic rounds, and wholesale or better on sovereign, so a few dollars over spot at least on coins. A shade over melt for good 90 percent.
But dang, if you love clocks, you need to see this place lol. Gorgeous clocks. Cool militaria. Tactical stuff, knives, guns, oddball stuff and some neat exhibits, like one of Michael Jackson's original sequined gloves, and a scrap of a dollar bill carpet. I have pics. Including some beautiful rare silver bars, and a huge gold nugget.
In other random news, lowest gas price last several days, 3.19 for regular in Iowa. Currently here around Rushmore, 3.43. Lowest diesel was 3.59 in Iowa. Crazy. Saw Kerosene of all things at 6.29 a gallon, non taxable activity use only. And the pump to get it was older than I am.
Highest gas price in several days was 3.87 for regular in Illinois. We did not buy gas in Illinois.
If anybody lives along the Ohio turnpike or the Indiana one, applegreen is hiring warm bodies to work the service areas on the pikes. 14 an hour and up, great benefits. They had teams at every service center on both roads handing out free candy, free chips, and other free swag (squishy balls, keychains, other similar And not the cheapo type either). Very interesting. Apparently they have issues with folks showing up on time, showing up sober, or showing up at all. Go figure. This is not a bad job at all really. For those unfamiliar, on well run toll roads the service centers are amazing. Gas, tons of tourist info, several types of fast food, souvenirs, great bathrooms. Applegreen runs them, so they staff all these things. Except the Panera bread, they use their own people.
Interesting to note that across the country we saw far more chicks working than dudes. Even doing late night stocking at walmart. All the oddball shifts were heavily female staff. Unusual. Last road trip the male/female ratio in truck stops, walmarts and other service positions was far closer to 50/50. A LOT of folks also working 2 jobs.
Also worth noting that many rest areas had narcan supplies available. Along with polite requests not to drive while high. South dakota has billboards about not driving while high. And human trafficking hotline info in the stalls in the women's rooms (not in men's according to hubby). Literally every state had an initiative so folks being trafficked for labor or other reasons (s*x) could get help.
The billboards about syphilis and STDs and free public health testing for same are pretty bizarre too. It seems there may be a syphilis epidemic around. And a measles epidemic. And TB. Bizarre and unaccountable stuff there. The STD/STI ones have been a thing on reservations for a while.
I ate at a pizza place in Provincetown on cape cod. CASH ONLY. That was cool! Nice to see such places are around.

I hope everyone is well, today I have a restock on singles, and slabs. Details will be below, shipping is $1 PWE, $4 BMWT, and free over $100, and prices are from tcgplayer and pricecharting. Feel free to ask any questions, or make any offers.
For trades, I will be looking for trades in my favor at %80, unless it is something good, like alts, higher end tag teams, ex era, or anything else, and then we can probably do %90, or %100 depending on what it is, and what for. Feel free to link binders, and we can see if we can make something happen.
For slabs, it will be %85 for 1-3, %80 for 3-5, and %75 for 6+. Some slabs I would be willing to take a lower price, if I had them for a while, so ask about any and ill see what I can do for you.
Slabs: https://imgur.com/a/PUHfBJ4?s=sms
For singles, it will be %90 for 1-7, %80 for 8-14, %70 for 15+.
High End: https://imgur.com/a/gpFhLYo Gyarados Keychain is free for first order over $100
Mid End: https://imgur.com/a/yUeLgrQ?s=sms
Vintage Set fillers: https://imgur.com/a/ttPRnRf?s=sms
play stamp cards: https://imgur.com/a/BCaHskD?s=sms
$1 Cards: https://imgur.com/a/GFN9SQi?s=sms If someone is interested, I can count up the cards and do $0.60 per
After a few hours, if some wants me to clear everything out at %70 market, that is left, then lmk and i'll send you details once initial sales are over.
Thanks for looking!

I am using firebase auth (email/pass) in a flutter app for user to login. I want to add Biometrics where user can use fingerprint/facial, if available, to login in to firebase. I found an old answer on stackoverflow

Assuming you are using Firebase login with email and password. What you can do on initial login/registration is store the email and password in keychain/keystore. You can use the flutter_secure_storage package from pub.dev. Then on the next login you can use the local_auth package also from pub.dev. From there if local_auth is available and if its successful you can then pass in the credentials from keychain/keystore over to Firebase login with email and password method.

I am having doubts saving the info locally. Is there any other way or every fin app uses this method?
​

Hi everyone!
I'm fairly new to the world of laser engraving and I'm hoping to get some advice from the community. I help run a small clothing business and we're looking to expand our product line with some engraved coasters, keychains, glass cups, mirrors, and other fun stuff.
I've been watching YouTube videos on laser machines lately, but I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the options. We're still a startup, so I was initially drawn to the Xtool F1 for its size and affordability. However, my cousin (who's also the one funding this) is interested in getting a bigger machine.
I've seen reviews floating around for Glowforge, Xtool, and Creality laser machines, but I'm open to other suggestions as well.
Here's my main question: Are there any laser engraving workshops in the San Diego area that I could attend to learn more about using these machines? Hands-on experience would be amazing!
Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer!

(WARNING: REALLY LONG) If you have the attention span of a goldfish I don't blame you
I moved schools a lot, because the following grade for next school year just isn't available so yeah, also moving to a new house. My old school was harsh, the people there just isn't it and school is merciless, so I took advantage of moving schools to find my type of people (4 schools in total)
Good news, I found them, they are twins, I treat them both like my younger siblings because I am older by them by a year, they even call me their therapist because I intervene whenever they fight. They were isolated from the world for 3 years due of homeschool, I was their closest friend and together we shared similar interests, dislikes, vibes and thoughts about people and our humor was equally broken. Our parents gotten close and that only opened more doors to hang out, we went ice skating together and went to the arcade, only to find out our luck is trash and all we got is a keychain 💀
The older twin is underdeveloped and is born with only one lung and ear, nonetheless they excel at studies and is very artistic just like all of us. She is into semi realism and fluffy creatures and OH MY HER ANATOMY KNOWLEDGE IS DESTROYING ME (i do lineless chibi art with a stupid head base) her sister's art style is more cartoony, it looks very fitting for sticker art! Many people supported it. I sometimes doubt if we will just suddenly stop being friends and one of the twins is going cuckoo over me jinxing the idea of that happening. A con of our relationship is they are negative people magnets, I get a super funny feeling when these type of people are around but I dismissed it as just jealousy (turns out I was half right ??) Ok so there is this girl from a grade above us, lets call her K, she is starting to hang out with us and is relatively nice, but overtime.. its just getting irritating.
Because of her grade, she visits us at lunch, the small time the three of us get to hang out together as a group (One of the twins is my seatmate, her sister is all the way at the back, so we have to wait till snacks, but we use that to sleep💀) K comes here for one of these 3 things, if not, probably something similar.
boast about her handwriting (She asked me "thats your handwriting..?" twice)
vent about someone and the most common and likely, her crush. K's crush is a grade lower than me.
she tells us how they hold hands at the balcony of her friends condo, she comments on the twin's water bottles saying how they are the same one of her crush and telling us how she is getting influenced by him and shes saying L bozo because of him. Not that I'm mad, more like its getting repetitive.
I'm not gonna sit there and listen to her talk about those things over again, she tells us abt going to canada, and when she finds about us going somewhere (ex. Arcade, which is very rare for the twins and I) She tells us word for word "Ohh You should invite me next time! My dad will say yes!" I get it, shes lonely, shes desperate to join, and shes telling us her ex boyfriend is the same grade as us and will be our classmate next year, I have a feeling she is into lower grades. I recently got bracelets for the three of us and when she found out.. "you forgot mee🥺🥺" We didn't even approach her nor initiate convo, she is coming to US. Claiming we are a quadro now, but she is literally THE POLAR OPPOSITE. Very not good vibes, boastful, more into the athletic side, already chasing love, a grade older than us, all three of us just, irrationally dislike her.
uhh what do i do because those two goobers are too much of a people pleaser to tell anything to K and I'm also kind of a coward :(

Resin crafts are indeed quite popular and can be lucrative if done well.
Here’s why resin crafts can be a great choice for selling and making money:
1. Versatility:
Resin can be used to create a wide variety of products, from jewelry and keychains to coasters, art pieces, and even furniture. This versatility allows you to appeal to different markets and customer preferences.
2. Customization:
Resin crafts offer ample opportunities for customization. You can experiment with different colors, additives, and molds to create unique and personalized pieces tailored to your customers’ preferences. Offering custom-made items can attract customers who are looking for something special.
3. Low initial investment:
Compared to some other crafts, getting started with resin crafting doesn’t usually require a significant upfront investment. Basic supplies like resin, molds, and pigments are relatively affordable and can be easily sourced.
4. High perceived value:
Well-executed resin crafts often have a high perceived value, especially if they are beautifully designed and finished. Customers are often willing to pay a premium for handmade, artisanal items, particularly those that are aesthetically pleasing and well-crafted.
5. Online marketplaces:
There’s a strong demand for handmade and unique items on online platforms like Etsy, eBay, and Instagram. These platforms provide a convenient way to reach a large audience of potential buyers and showcase your resin creations.
6. Recurring purchases:
If you establish a loyal customer base and consistently deliver quality products, you may benefit from repeat business. Customers who are satisfied with their initial purchase may return to buy more items or recommend your products to others, helping to sustain your sales over time.
7. Educational content:
Sharing your knowledge and expertise in resin crafting through tutorials, blog posts, or social media can help attract customers and establish your credibility as an expert in your craft. Offering workshops or online courses can also be a source of additional income.
However, like any business venture, success in selling resin crafts requires dedication, creativity, and attention to detail. It’s important to continuously refine your skills, stay up-to-date with trends, and listen to customer feedback to ensure that your products meet market demands.

Hi Reddit,
I'm currently a highschooler in Wisconsin and I've been crushing hard on this one shy girl for around half a year now. We get along pretty well and I've been trying recently to grab her interest. This seems to be successful, but the signs she gives may be coincidence and I've been having a hard time believing them to be actual signs given by her.
Many of my friends believe she likes me from the signs she has shown me, which I will bullet below.
- We both enjoy cars, so we send photos of cars we see to each other.
- I made matching keychains with her and she seems to be pretty chill having them on her backpack.
- she seems to look at me a couple times during classes. I caught her once and she caught me a couple times as well. She always blushes when she gets caught and tries to act like she was staring at something else.
- She was interested in seeing a photo of me from a previous year and offered to show me a photo of her from a couple years ago. (she ended up tricking me and saying her appearance has not changed what a bummer)
- We planned to swap styles for a spirit day event at school, she seemed fine with it and asked what clothes i had. My friends forced me to ask her if she would try on one of my hoodies and she also seemed fine with that. Only concern was she didn't know if her clothes would fit me. Plan didn't end up working because she was gone at the start of the day.
- Her brother seems to follow me on Instagram for some reason. I do not know this man and he does not know me as well. He only follows me and his sister (my crush) from my grade. I also confronted this man about how he knows. He told me he sees me on my scooter riding to school, which seems odd because i haven't rode to school in close to a year, and I've never seen him the previous year.
- she seems to mirror my movements at times. When i drink water or fix my hair, she seems to do it as well. Could be coincidental.
- She also seems awkward around me according to my friends, twirling her hair and messing with her ear at times. (could also be coincidental)
​
Although my friends tell me she likes me, I've been having issues with my self-esteem and cannot believe someone could ever like me. Here are some points that my brain keeps telling me to convince me that she doesn't like me.
- She takes around 3 days to respond to a text
- She seems to avoid my eye contact when talking or when eating lunch
- she doesn't initiate most of the conversations (although she sends me some car photos).
- I usually need to come to her rather than her coming to me.
- she seems kind of dry and tense around me. Normal around her friends.
​
I'm very stuck with this for some reason so if y'all could give me some inspiration and motivation that would be much appreciated.
-thanks :)
​
​

Are you looking for a creative and profitable venture that can be started with a small investment? Resin craft might be the answer you've been seeking. This exciting hobby has turned into a thriving business for many entrepreneurs, offering the potential to generate thousands of dollars in revenue every month. Let's delve into how resin craft can be a lucrative endeavor with minimal initial costs.
What is Resin Craft?
Resin crafting involves using epoxy resin—a versatile material that can be molded, shaped, and cured into various forms—to create decorative and functional items. From jewelry and coasters to art pieces and furniture, the possibilities with resin are virtually endless. Resin is mixed with pigments, dyes, and additives to achieve stunning colors and effects.
Also Read: How to make Money Selling Resin Craft
Starting Small: Minimal Investment
One of the appealing aspects of resin craft is that it can be started with a relatively small investment. Here's what you'll need to begin:

1. Resin and Supplies: Epoxy resin kits can be purchased online or at craft stores. A starter kit typically includes resin, hardener, mixing cups, stirring sticks, and gloves. Prices can vary, but you can find beginner kits for around $50-$100.
2. Molds and Tools: Invest in silicone molds for shaping your resin creations. Basic molds for making coasters, pendants, or keychains are affordable and widely available. Additional tools like heat guns, torches, or sanding equipment may also be required.
3. Safety Equipment: Working with resin requires proper ventilation and protective gear like gloves and masks. These essentials ensure your safety during the crafting process.
4. Decorative Materials: To enhance your resin pieces, consider investing in pigments, glitters, dried flowers, or other embellishments. These materials can add unique touches to your creations.

​
Crafting Resin into Profit
Once you have your supplies, it's time to turn your resin craft hobby into a profitable venture:

1. Create a Product Line: Experiment with different molds, colors, and techniques to develop a range of products. This could include jewelry, home decor items, custom coasters, or personalized gifts.
2. Set Up an Online Store: Platforms like Etsy, Shopify, or even social media (Instagram, Facebook) can serve as excellent marketplaces to showcase and sell your resin creations. Create appealing product photos and descriptions to attract potential customers.
3. Market Your Creations: Utilize social media to promote your products. Share behind-the-scenes glimpses of your creative process, run giveaways, and collaborate with influencers or bloggers to reach a wider audience.
4. Offer Customization: Consider offering custom-made resin pieces for special occasions like weddings, birthdays, or corporate events. Personalization adds value and can command higher prices.
5. Price Strategically: Research similar products on the market to determine competitive pricing. Factor in the cost of materials, labor, and overheads to set profitable yet attractive prices.

​
Scaling Up and Maximizing Profits
As demand for your resin creations grows, you can scale up your business and increase profitability:

1. Streamline Production: Optimize your workflow to increase output without compromising quality. Invest in efficient tools and techniques to save time.
2. Diversify Your Product Range: Expand your offerings to cater to different customer preferences. Explore new designs, colors, and applications for resin.
3. Collaborate and Network: Partner with local businesses or artisans to cross-promote products and expand your customer base.
4. Attend Craft Fairs and Markets: Participate in craft fairs or artisan markets to showcase your work in person and connect with potential customers.

​
Conclusion
Resin craft is not just a hobby; it's a thriving business opportunity that can be started with a modest investment. With creativity, dedication, and strategic marketing, you can turn your resin creations into a profitable enterprise, generating substantial income each month. Whether you're looking for a side hustle or dreaming of a full-fledged business, resin craft offers a rewarding path toward financial success. Start small, think big, and watch your resin craft business bloom into a lucrative venture.
​
Top of Form

In an age where e-commerce reigns supreme, the potential to turn a hobby into a lucrative business has never been greater. One such success story is the rise of a website that specializes in selling simple resin crafts. What started as a passion project for founder Emily Johnson has now transformed into a million-dollar enterprise, captivating audiences worldwide with its unique creations. So, how exactly does this website manage to achieve such remarkable success?
First and foremost, it's essential to recognize the growing popularity of resin crafts in recent years. Resin, a versatile material, has captured the imagination of DIY enthusiasts and artists alike due to its fluidity, translucency, and endless possibilities for creativity. From jewelry and coasters to keychains and home decor, the scope for crafting with resin knows no bounds.
The website capitalizes on this trend by offering a diverse range of resin-based products that appeal to a broad audience. By staying attuned to market demands and consumer preferences, they continuously refresh their inventory with new designs and innovative ideas. This ensures that customers keep coming back for more, eager to discover the latest additions to their collection.
Website: https://perkydiva.com/
Moreover, the success of the website can be attributed to its strong online presence and strategic marketing efforts. Leveraging social media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest, they showcase their products in visually captivating ways, attracting followers and generating buzz around their brand. Engaging content, such as behind-the-scenes glimpses into the crafting process and user-generated testimonials, further fosters a sense of community and loyalty among their audience.
Furthermore, the website prioritizes customer experience and satisfaction above all else. From seamless navigation and user-friendly interface to secure payment options and responsive customer support, they ensure that every aspect of the purchasing journey is optimized for convenience and peace of mind. This commitment to excellence fosters trust and loyalty among their clientele, turning one-time buyers into repeat customers and brand advocates.
Additionally, the website embraces the power of storytelling to add depth and personality to their brand. Each product is accompanied by a compelling narrative that highlights the inspiration behind its creation, the artisanal craftsmanship involved, and the values that the brand embodies. By connecting with customers on an emotional level and fostering a sense of authenticity and transparency, they forge meaningful relationships that extend beyond mere transactions.
Furthermore, the website diversifies its revenue streams by offering customization options and DIY kits, empowering customers to unleash their creativity and personalize their purchases according to their preferences. This not only enhances the overall customer experience but also opens up new avenues for revenue generation, catering to a wider range of needs and interests.
In conclusion, the success of this website in selling simple resin crafts boils down to a combination of factors: a keen understanding of market trends, strategic marketing initiatives, a focus on customer satisfaction, and a commitment to storytelling and authenticity. By leveraging these strengths effectively, they have managed to carve out a niche in the competitive e-commerce landscape and achieve remarkable growth and success. As the demand for handmade, artisanal products continues to rise, the future looks bright for this innovative online venture.