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Hey,
Got arrested at a crawfish festival last week for PI, a guy approached me at a table said I was making a mess and started raising his voice telling me to leave, I started laughing at him while walking away and he keeps coming towards me while we exchanged words, nothing violent just the “common language” that would be used. This whole event was maybe 30 seconds long with me walking away while the guy keeps following me, maybe 20 seconds after that he ran to the police in the golf cart apparently stating that I was “being violent and starting fights” as what the cops explained to me.
To give background on my level of intoxication I had been there roughly 2 hours and had 3 twisted teas, was not intoxicated to even the slightest point.
The 5 police officers come to me and I tell them exactly what I just said. They ask me my age (I’m 22) I tell them this and I give them my name. One of the officers begins threatening me by telling me I’m going to get a felony for lying because I wasn’t showing in their system. At this point I start getting frustrated with the police explaining “I know how old I am and I told you my exact first middle and last name I’m not lying to you” this went back and forth maybe 3 minutes. The cops start saying I’m visibly drunk and that my breath smells of alcohol, they said this several times. Each time I said “I didn’t have a single drink.” Then they would respond “I can smell it from here” meanwhile it’s a completely outdoor event and completely windy also and I was stuffing my face with crawfish anyway. I denied me drinking anything at all. To me, it seems the cops thought I was underage as they also said this multiple times, I left my ID at my friends car because there’s no needs typically to ever have it unless you plan on buying anything extra. My friend was actively going to the truck to get my wallet and ID and the cop wouldn’t wait the 5 minutes it would take to get it. After the police said I didn’t show up on their system they locked me up for PI (public intoxication) I got booked and spent 6 hours in jail (completely bored) I live in Texas and this is considered a class c misdemeanor.
I have no other record besides 2 parking tickets and a speeding ticket.
I was cooperative with the police telling them my correct information and not resisting anything.
I was charged with a public intoxication.
I have court in 2 weeks and the maximum fine is $500 which I know is likely to be 1/2-1/3 what I would spend for a lawyer. I do want it expunged at best dismissed at worse.
The whole case is just BS and I would like advice on what to do moving forward, would pushing back the court date help? I know people do this for traffic citations and as it’s a class c misdemeanor I think I could do it(I also kind of don’t want to do this because I wanted to do a summer job in a different state.
All in all I just don’t know what to do now as I don’t have much money and from my understanding there isn’t a solid case against me at all besides them smelling something.

I am trying to pick between the Crimson to Dark Carmine Fade and Matte Lithium Grey for the Domane AL 2 gen 4. I know from experience that when it comes to cars Matte finish is usually harder to clean and shows dirt more easily, also its usually more prone to scratches. I was also wondering how other people view the style of the paint job generally, and whilst I will obviously chose which color fits me best, I wanted to get recommendations. Thanks in advance!
https://preview.redd.it/ldh65sp3wq1d1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9ec50a0f65ba7fea3b9f11f0df5f0664faaeaf15
https://preview.redd.it/uj5w1b74wq1d1.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3bf892f5c2ee8591e3529fb2f6402e56edd2324d

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Written by: NaTarsha Harris
What is trauma? In simple terms, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), “Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster”. While this is an acceptable answer, I want an in-depth explanation that describes trauma in detail. So, again, what is trauma? The question may be simple but the answer is complex. Missouri’s Early Care & Education Connections explains that, [“… trauma results from an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or threatening and that can have lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and physical, social, emotional well-being”]. Trauma is the result caused by a devastating experience. Many times, this result (trauma) prevents the victim from being able to live a healthy and productive life. Sometimes, unfortunately, the torment of the trauma lasts a lifetime. On the other hand, thankfully, the victim is able to overcome the trauma.
— A Broader Understanding Of Trauma —
Trauma consists of three principle categories:

1. Acute trauma such as experiencing a car accident
   
2. Chronic trauma such as being raised by verbally abusive parents, and
   
3. Complex trauma such as a child who is abused at home, bullied in school, and disregarded by other people who are supposed to help keep them safe (i.e. teachers, counselors, other family members, friends and social workers) (Missouri’s Early Care & Education Connections).
   

Can you personally identify with any one of these three principle categories of trauma? Does the category of trauma that you identify with come from childhood, adulthood or both?
— The Trauma Most Familiar To Me —
I personally identify with complex trauma although the three examples provided in each category above are a few of the traumatic events I’ve directly experienced. The reason why, for me, it’s not acute trauma or chronic trauma is because it wasn’t just the car accident and it wasn’t just the verbal abuse at home. It was also the overall neglect, rejection, bullying, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and psychological abuse, among other things. It was me being left alone, throughout the majority of my childhood, with no one to defend or protect me — not at home, school, public places, courtrooms, counselor’s offices or anywhere else. I’ve spent the majority of my adulthood encountering most of the same traumatic experiences I suffered as a child. On my quest to understand why my childhood was the way it was, I remember hearing mention of ‘generational curses’. My understanding of ‘generational curses’ is that it’s a spiritual battle that’s passed from one generation to the next. So, on a more pragmatic note, my question is:
— Is Emotional And Psychological Trauma Intergenerational? —
What does ‘intergenerational’ mean? According to the Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries, ‘intergenerational’ means, “including or involving people of different generations or age groups”. Now, my question (reworded) becomes, ‘Does an event of emotional and psychological trauma include more than one generation?’ As I dig deeper to find the answer(s), my question evolves from a general question to a personal one. Consequently, I’m now asking, “Did I experience (some of) my childhood trauma because of the childhood trauma that my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother experienced?
My Conclusion:
In doing my research and truly pondering whether or not I’ve been personally affected by intergenerational trauma, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have certainly been affected. According to an article published by PsychCentral, “Intergenerational trauma is essentially what happens when adverse events or experiences are passed down from one generation to the next, often in unspoken and deeply complex ways” (Ryder & White, 2022, par 5). The American Psychological Association (APA) explains intergenerational trauma as being, “…expressed when the descendant of someone who experienced a traumatic event presents challenging emotional and behavioral reactions that are similar to their ancestor or relative”. In analyzing these two interpretations of intergenerational trauma, I’m able to assess my emotional, mental and social reactions to trauma and easily relate it to that of my ancestors. My ancestors that I know personally, as well as those whom I’ve heard other family members speak of, are all described as being: mean, quick-tempered and verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive to their children. These traumatic events caused their children to be mean, quick-tempered, and abusive as well. It also caused their children to result to using unhealthy coping mechanisms such as overeating, rage outbursts, domestic violence, substance abuse and promiscuity. Each generation of men and women, that I know of, from my great-great-grandmother to my generation, have all experienced the same traumas and have all responded in exactly the same ways. Along with the anger, rage, domestic violence, substance abuse and promiscuity is also severe depression and anxiety, suicidal ideations and attempts, criminal records, failed relationships and friendships, divorces, extensive (and seemingly irreparable) animosity between parent and child, among many other things. The intergenerational trauma has caused us to hurt each other and hurt ourselves.
— Something Has To Change —
Right now, I don’t have children and I’m so thankful to God. What I’ve went through in both my childhood and adulthood is something that I NEVER want my child(ren) to witness or personally experience! Although intergenerational trauma is a real thing that has infected, effected and affected many generations before me, it doesn’t mean that this trauma will remain a malignant, cancerous tumor that spreads to my children. It stops with me. I’m on a journey of healing mentally, emotionally and spiritually so that I can provide my future children with the love, assurance, peace, safety, support and comfort that I desperately needed as a child. This doesn’t mean that they will grow up to be the best people in the whole wide world; it simply means that they will know that they’re not in this huge world all alone and that mama loves them no matter what. In order for me to get to this place inside myself where I can provide my children with all these things, I have to face the generations before me. It’s not about confronting them or blaming them; it’s about understanding them and forgiving them. It’s about releasing them from the judgement and wrath. It’s about seeing the broken child inside of them and loving that child, even if I have to do it from a distance.
How do I do this? I contemplate their life story and identify all the ways in which their pain is my pain. Because I’ve personally experienced what they’ve experienced, I know their pain all too well. And, as I release them, I release myself. I give them permission to heal so that I too can be healed. It is now that I can sympathize with the generations before me. The sadness is so real. Their lives were so hard and, in many ways, unbearable. How can I continue to crucify them? I cannot.
References:
American Psychological Association. (n.d.) Trauma. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma
Missouri’s Early Care & Education Connections. (n.d.) What Is Trauma? Retrieved from: https://earlyconnections.mo.gov/professionals/trauma-informed-care
Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries. (n.d.) Intergenerational. Retrieved from: https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/intergenerational
Ryder, G. & White, T. (2022). PsychCentral.com. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-intergenerational-trauma-impacts-families

Yesterday, I started my car and heard a loud, strange noise coming from the front (I think). I drove around the neighborhood to see if the noise would go away as the engine warmed up, and indeed, during the drive, the noise was hard to detect. I’m a young guy, and this is my first car, so it’s difficult for me to identify the issue.
I watched a couple of videos, and the noise resembles that of a serpentine belt, but it’s not a squeaking noise. Instead, it’s a repetitive metallic knocking sound at consistent intervals. It also sounds similar to an exhaust manifold gasket issue. The best way I can describe the sound is like putting a stone in a metal can and shaking it roughly, but louder.
The strange thing is that I only hear it sometimes, and it doesn’t seem related to the engine’s temperature because when I cold started the engine this morning, the noise wasn’t there. Do you think this warrants a visit to a mechanic? Is it safe to drive since the noise is no longer present?
The car is a 4 year old Volvo xc40 d4 AWD

I (26 F) was living with my best friend of 4 years (34 F) I’ll call her Crimson. In April this year, Crimson decided that she wanted to move and this meant I had to move as well. Side note our neighbours/friends were also moving. Leading up to the move I packed up most of my things and put it in my mum’s storage container, as I would be moving in with her. Crimson was moving in with her boyfriend and had to get rid of a lot of her stuff. She essentially had to turn a house into a bedroom, as her boyfriend didn’t have room for all her stuff. Crimson spent sometime packing/sorting though her things and I help when I could. She also spent a lot of time helping our friends pack (35 F & 40 F). In my opinion they didn’t need the help, however I know Crimson was just trying to be a good friend. A week before we would be moving, Crimson went to her boyfriend’s house (in another state), to see him and also her stepdad. Her stepdad had a trailer and was going to help her move. While she was gone I stayed home and looked after her 2 cats.
Crimson had spoken to me about expectations she had for how things would go/be done when her and her stepdad got there. She told me the things she wanted, but at no point asked me if they would work for me and therefore I never agree to any of them. This included me having all my stuff sorted, so we could purely focus on her stuff and based off of her words it sounded like she wanted me to have nothing left at the house, but the clothes on my back. I only had one last carload of stuff and I wanted to do only one last trip to mum’s (30 minutes drive), despite Crimson wanting it all done even if that meant doing multiple trips. I was not coping with all the change and was struggling mentally. I talked to Crimson about this and cried to her in the phone. I felt I needed to put myself first and told Crimson I only had one carload and that I would finish packing the day of the move and then I’d help her with her stuff. The day before the move Crimson arrived with her stepdad and that night her and I sorted/packed as much of her stuff as we could. Before going to bed I reminded Crimson that I would be packing my car then I could help her with her things. The next day Crimson and her stepdad got started on her things and I sorted out mine. I’ll admit my packing took longer than I thought it would, but I managed to get mine done and started to help the others. During all the packing Crimson snapped at me, yelled that my stuff should have been sorted and blamed me for her stepdad “having a go at her” for not having her stuff sorted. In my opinion, he was being reasonable and was just annoyed because it hadn’t been sorted before and he didn’t want to dilly-dally. I apologised for my stuff taking longer than I thought. I tried to not dwell on it because I knew she was stressed. Crimson later apologised for snapping, after her stepdad told her to.
Am I the asshole for not listening to Crimson, should I have sorted my stuff beforehand?

I have a Camaro with the front end PPF’ed.
From a maintenance perspective, what should I not do to it that I could the rear of my car?
Pressure Wash? Clay Bar? Iron Decontamination? Wax? Ceramic Coating? Etc?
Trying to figure out a best practices PPF vs Paint.
TIA! 👍🏻

I (24f) still live with my narcissistic mother. I left home at 19 to work abroad and managed to stay 3 years but eventually had to return. Those 3 years were the best I’ve ever had. I started meds, went to therapy, made good money and had amazing friends. Having to return home because of visa problems was a shock to my system. I had to return to the place and person that ruined me, a place I would frequently have nightmares about, with nowhere else to go. I’ve gone no contact with my dad, sister can’t accommodate me, no friends in hometown and can’t afford to rent. I don’t even have a car. After returning I had to stay for 9 months in which I feel all the work I did in therapy was ruined. I managed to leave again abroad for a year but again had to eventually return back home….. things are now even worse then before. I haven’t been able to find a job, no car, no friends and no hope for the future. I’m more depressed than I’ve ever been. I’m stuck in my room all day because if I leave she stares at me and puts me down. Did I mention she’s also an alcoholic? She yells profanities every single night, bangs doors and breaks things but blames me because she can’t remember breaking it. She misplaces items frequently and I get blamed for stealing them and when she eventually finds the item there is no apology. I have to keep my door locked at all times because she scratches through everything and even found my meds once (which I didn’t tell her about) and proceeded to make fun of me even though she is also on anti depressants. I currently can’t even afford my meds or therapy anymore and I feel completely alone.
I feel like there’s no escape, even if I leave I still keep ending up in this hellhole. Help :(

My wife "26/F" and i "25/M" have been in a relationship since 2016. We got married in 2019. For a while we have been having problems. In the begining it was great. We would talk, make love, and communicate. Along the ways things have gotten complicated. Ive worked for most of the relationship. She was going to school and has gotten her bachelors in psych. She also wasnt a citizen for a long time. During the relationship we've delbt with quite a few problems. For me it began that i would pick her up from uni and shes get really mad that i was 5-10 munuites late from her class ending. I would always tell her that waiting that long isnt too bad. Before we were married she expected me to share half of my income with her.
Before i go on in venting about her id like to say i too have had my own share of problems.
I was constanlty smoking weed and wasnt the best student. I dropped out of college and focused on work.
For a while i was working labor jobs at a big city 2 hours away to help us out. Id come home to her telling me i need to do more around the house even though i was away for most of the week and she was at home. She was done with school but still couldn't work because of her lack of citezenship.
Through this time i decided was looking for jobs around me. I landed a job as a car Salesman. It was tough to say the least. Im not the best with people but i did my best. It was a stressful job and trying to meet my quota for commision was hard enough alongside the long hours. Still shed get mad at me for no feeding ou pets before i clocked into work at 730am. Id always try and brush it off.
During this time she got really into spiritualism. (Taro cards, zodiacs, horiscopes). She wasn never into thay stuff before. In the begining we would both make fun of thag stuff. I figured since she spends so much time at home without anything to do. That it was an outlet for her.
Still if come home from working 10+ hours a day to her telling me she needed more help around the house. Id be beat every day. Dealing with customers and handling the stress of trying to meet my quota for commision. It came to the point where i quit the job because shed send me text during work about how she was unhappy with me.
I went back to working labor jobs/delivery apps. Id express to her my stress and struggles but she didnt seem to care.
Eventually she got her citizenship after we married. In my mind i thought that after shes able to have a job shed realized how much work i did to keep us afloat. Still we only had one car and she wasnt the best driver. For a while i was driving her to work 30 minutes away from home. Had gotten a job as a sushi line cook that was still really stressful. She still expected more from me.
I did mt best to handle chores at home and work mt job. Eventually i had a falling out with my managers and i was out of a job. Weve had a car payment since 2021 and i was paying all of it till the beging of 2023. Even though I was making all the payments for 2 years out of the 3 year leae she would get mad of me for having to pay it for a while.
Shes always had a temper. My sister got married in 2023. It took me a while to convince her to come along. She hasnt been very willing to get along with my family. Still we had a great time in the begining of the wedding. We were getting close to checking out of the hotel so we could go to my sisters ceramony. We had to check out by 11am and i was getting ready as fast as i could. I gave told her multiple times that we had to check out by that time ( my sister payed for the hotel and i didnt want her to get charged). As I was finishing up and grabbing all out luggage i told her we needed to hurry. She got really mad and screamed at me a lot of terrible thing. Hoping that id get ra*** and that i suck a di**. It really threw me off gaurd and i just continued doing my thing.
The rest of the day went well aside from all the bs. I still brushed it off.
She came off birth control in may 2024. So I once again thought shed have a more level head because i understand it can mess up your hormones quite a bit. Weve had multiple talks since then.
Ive told her id like for her to have a good relationship with my family and for her to get less angry. Id like for her to communicate and have talks with compassion. Shes been making an effort.
Recently i told her i need space and have slept in the guest room. We had a conversation and she said shes not willing to have a good relationship with my family. I do my best to have a good relationship with hers and it really hurts that she isnt.
Ps. Sorry for my lack of grammar and cohesiveness. My mind is all over the place and there is a lot of stuff i didnt include. Judt typing this gives me a good way to vent and bring be more clarity.

What is the best area to stay in for a group that’s going to Jeju for 5 days? Unfortunately rental car is not an option because we have no drivers.
Should we split our living arrangements into two different areas? Live near a bus stop? Taxi all the time? Any suggestions helpful!

Hi guys,
I [31m] feel like my partner [25f] is constantly on my case about not doing enough, or not giving enough.
I had a pretty shit start to life which meant that i started off on the backfoot, however I managed to graduate a MSc Computer Science last December and I have been looking for a graduate job ever since. I've had numerous video interviews, but I've been rejected by all except one place that has invited me to an assessment center in June.
About 6 weeks ago I applied for two companies that I really like the look of. One in defence and one in maritime services. Both looked like amazing opportunities and I was lucky enough to be invited to an interview for both. It was nice to finally have companies call me back, you know? Anyway, I had my interviews and prepared for them both as best I could. I felt like the interviews went very well, but unfortunately I got rejected by both companies on the same day last week.
I'll be honest, it broke me. I was really, really upset about it and began to feel completely hopeless, useless and defeated. I worked so hard to get educated, did the best that I could, got very high grades, but it feels like it has all been a waste of time.
I cried like a baby when I got those rejections and felt absolutely broken. My partner supported me through it and said to me "it isn't your fault" and that it's just a shit economy at the moment.
Fast forward to this week and my partner calls me (she's away visiting her parents). It started off fine at first as we were both talking about plans for the future. Basically, the conversation spiralled and she started saying that I'm not doing enough, that's its a males job to provide financially and that I'm not trying hard enough to get us ahead. I showed her this spread sheet I've kept that lists every single job I've applied for and what stage of the application I made it to. There are 128 jobs on that list. I felt so hurt because when I was super upset about my rejections last week, she supported me and told me none if it was my fault. Yet here she is insinuating that it is. I point this apparent hypocrisy out to her, and she says "it's always partially your fault".
I've applied to every single job available in this area and city a couple of hours away. Then she said that I don't work enough currently (I'm a healthcare worker). I remind her that I work 3x 12.5hr shifts per week which is about the limit of which I can handle tbh. I'm wiping ass and coping abuse all day, it isn't easy.
She then rebutted me by saying "what about last year when you were only working 2 shifts per week". Wtf, I was studying a Masters degree so of course I was working less. And during my dissertation I was studying roughly 6-8 hours. In my view, doing a MSc full time during the week and working 12 hours on Saturday and Sunday is commendable, and I was the only student in my cohort who worked as much as I did. Most just lived off their student loan. Yet here I am, being made to feel like I was a lazy pos. I feel like she had absolutely no appreciation for just how hard i worked tbh.
when I asked her "what would you do differently in my shoes?" She was unable to answer. Crickets. I would have expected her to be able to list exactly where she could see room for improvement, but nope. Then she brought up how I don't "contribute enough to the household financially or with chores". She makes this argument from time to time and it infuriates me. I pay more than 50% of our bills and more than 50% for groceries. I effectively bought a car for her to use almost exclusively (every day drives to her uni, or work, or her stables). She has possession of the car around 95% of the time, yet I've been paying atleast 70% of the running costs of it (and boy did the thing need some work over the last 2 years). But she completely disregards that because it doesn't contribute to our standard of living. Whatever the fuck that even means.
So I say to her, what about all the trips I've taken you on? Last year I took her to Australia, I paid for everything. She said "that doesn't count because it was to see your family". I then said how about me taking you to Greece the year before last? Or me taking you to Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Switzerland and Italy on a road trip the year before that?
Do you know what her response was? "You see I don't like when you pay for these holidays because you always end up using them against me". WTF! She literally complained that I don't contribute enough financially! Ugh what is this logic even?
Then she moves on and says I dont do enough chores. I bought this hook line and sinker when we first got together, but I've really stepped up my game in the last two years. I pointed out that I prepare us meals, I vacuum, I do dishes, walk the dogs, dust, put my shit away, keep the mirror clean, you name it. She always has a clean flat to come home to.
But she says "it's not to my standard so I don't consider it done". Wtf? Absolute bs, I pay far closer attention to detail that she does. I do a very thorough job.
Basically, my partner makes absurd criticisms of me that I do not think have any basis in reality. How should I handle this? Because I do love her, but I'm really finding this aspect of her personality very jarring, unfair and difficult to deal with.
Also, sorry for the huge essay. I really needed to vent tbh.

So this is the first time I’m posting anything on Reddit, I came on here because it’s hard to find someone who really understands what this feels like. I’m so indescribably heartbroken. My cat Igor was hit by a car on April 17th. Our neighbors kid was out with his dog and they found him lying in a ditch by a dirt road maybe 100 meters from our house. I can literally see the place from our entrance. The speed limit is 20kph (12,5 mph) and there’s barely any traffic here. They thought he was dead at first but the dog pulled him out of the ditch and he was still breathing. They say they thought his neck was broken so the neighbor (who is a hunter) decided it was best to shoot him.
This was, without exaggeration, my worst nightmare. I’m one of those people who always worry about their cats and I’ve had literal nightmares both about him getting shot and getting hit by a car, even though we live so remotely. It’s like I’m stuck in one of those nightmares and can’t wake up. I still can’t believe that this has happened even though it’s almost five weeks ago. I still see him in the corner of my eye and in all his favorite places and have to remind myself every morning and several times every day that he’s not here anymore and that he won’t come through the cat door ever again. Yesterday I accidentally called for him and then ended up crying for hours. I feel so angry that we didn’t even get a chance to save him by taking him to a veterinarian. I would have given ANYTHING to save his life. I don’t want to be angry with my neighbor but I can’t help it.
Igor was only 3,5 years old and he was the first pet I got as an adult. I got him when I was very lonely and in a toxic relationship and he pretty much helped me focus on the important things in life and he became the most important thing in the world to me at that time, which lead to me ending that relationship and ending up in a better place. I’m a pretty lonely person, I have a hard time making friends and meaningful relationships outside of my immediate family and I have barely had any friends the past 15-ish years so Igor really was my best friend.
Today I’m happily engaged with a 10 month old son and everything worked so well with Igor and my child from the start. Igor loved to sleep next to him and they had just started playing peekaboo with each other. I was so looking forward to my son growing up with Igor and now he won’t even remember him which makes me so indescribably sad.
Igor was such a gentle giant and the most intelligent cat I’ve known. He knew how to open doors and turn on the tap, he would only drink water straight from the tap. He would only cuddle in secret when there was no one else around. He always came running when I called him and would always be around when I was doing things in the garden. It felt like every time I thought of him I would look around and there he would be. It was such a feeling of comfort and it has been replaced with a bottomless hole of sadness. I’ve lost loved ones (both humans and pets) before but this just hit different.
We also have another cat called Rasputin who we got after moving so Igor wouldn’t have to be alone when we weren’t home. I feel like Rasputin bonded more to Igor than he did to us, and I’m worried that he’s sad and lonely. I feel like he’s looking for Igor around the house, sometimes he’ll go from room to room and meow and I’ve found him sitting in front of closed closets while meowing sadly, maybe he’s looking for Igor? I don’t know if it’s just me applying my own feelings to him. I’ve also found Rasputin sitting in front of Igor’s grave a couple of times which is weird because he wasn’t there when we buried him.
Sorry if this wasn’t structured or especially coherent but I just felt a need for putting this out there and maybe connect with someone who has been through something similar. Any advice on how to get through this is greatly appreciated.

TLDR AT THE BOTTOM.
This might be long, I'm sorry. My ex (23M) and I (25F) dated for an entire year in 2022, and then broke up and for the past year and little bit have not spoken or seen each other once. We met at a local bar and the way he came up to me as forward and sweet, he was younger than me but super confident and it worked. While we dated, we had a pretty great relationship and it was very much best friends/lovers, our whole group was amazing, and my current friend group now was essentially his group of friends first. He was always gentle with me, he let me be 110% myself, and I was his first love/his first girlfriend. He treated me really well.
Why did we break up, you ask? He was in his senior year of college at the time, and when he drank too much he'd get a little aggressive (not with me, like if someone bumped into him at the bar type vibe) and his sister was a fucking menace. She was my age, and so codependent on him she was mean to me because I took up his time instead of her. I was nothing but nice to her and tried to make it work, but she ruined my birthday that year, lied to him about how she treated me when he wasn't around, and was in general just really awful to me every chance she got. What's worse is I was his first girlfriend and that was her first time not having him to herself, and he didn't know any better and couldn't stand up for me when he needed to sometimes. It caused so many problems. Our friends hated her, too. That's the umbrella.
The actual breakup was because he was particularly difficult one night drunk and said something super mean to me, and when I wanted to talk to him about it he couldn't really face what he did. He had plans to go home that next day (an hour away, where his sister also lives) and said we'd talk on the phone later. Well, he called me, and he broke up with me over a 3 minute phone call. He didn't even sound like himself, he was distant and cold and the opposite of how he was with me any other time we'd ever gotten into an argument or discussion, and I KNEW it wasn't coming from him. I got over it pretty quickly because I was over his sister's shit and knew it was for the best regardless of how it happened.
We went this entire past year no contact, not seeing each other, nothing. Our friends saw him probably 3 times but he always left town before anyone went out and I'm 90% sure it was because he was avoiding seeing me.
ANYWAY. There's the back story, here's us seeing each other the first time.
This past weekend, one of our good friends had a really important event, and my ex was in town. My best girlfriend told me he would be, and my attitude toward it was truly whatever, I was fine seeing him and over it. We met everyone at the same bar he and I met at, which is basically our spot, and he was coming out of the bathroom when he saw me. His eyes went huge, he looked shocked. I thought it was a little funny, so I went up to him and gave him a a hug and said hi. He awkwardly said it was really nice to see me, and then went to the bar to get a drink. I went with my two friends to get a drink at the bar a few minutes later, and he was standing across from us literally glancing at me every 2 seconds.
I ended up going up to talk to him because we were obviously in the same group, and he asked me how I was. I said I'd been great, asked him how he was, pleasantries. He then goes, "but how are you really?" and I was like ?? No, like I've been great, dude. From there it was like nothing had changed between us. We were firing inside jokes off to each other, talking and laughing, and we pretty much turned into a unit from there. He was buying my drinks, giving me a piggyback ride to the next bar, arm around my waist the whole night, holding my hand, etc. If something funny happened I was the first person he was looking at.
At the end of the night we were talking and I asked him where he was staying, told him he could stay at mine if he wanted. He said he really wanted to, but he was seeing "kind of seeing someone". I asked him point blank if this was a girlfriend situation because I didn't want to ruin anything for him, then said I was seeing someone casually, too. He said he had no idea and basically brushed it off, was super nonchalant about it and didn't seem worried. I then said it wasn't like I wanted to do anything but it would be really nice to sleep next to him. He said he really wanted that, and we ended up back at mine. I had my head in his lap the whole uber ride to my house, he was brushing my hair out of my eyes, etc.
Nothing happened at my house, we stayed up and talked and laughed and cuddled and slept. The next morning we were up early talking and laughing more, catching up, etc. and went to our friend's brunch. The whole entire day he's looking at me like he did when we first met, watching out for me, at one point even pulled me into him and told me I was "really hard not to look at". It was like we were dating again.
We went back to our friend's apartment and hung out with everyone, and it was him in a being bag chair and me between his legs. He was playing with my hair the entire time, massaging my shoulders, leaning into me to laugh at everything we were the only ones noticing. We didn't even talk to hardly anyone else the whole 3 hours we were there. I left at the same time he did because he had an hour to drive home, and our goodbye was so emotional??
He hugged me so tightly for 3 minutes, said "well one of us is going to have to let go" and kissed me so hard it was like he was going off to war or something. I told him I had no idea what I was supposed to say, and he said he didn't either, and we kissed again really hard and we held hands until I was walked off far enough and had to let go. I got in my car and cried for 5 minutes, but I wasn't sad and I wasn't sure why.
I don't know what to do now. He hasn't texted or reached out and I'm sure he's just as confused as I am. I don't have rose-colored glasses on, I know there would need to be a ton of discussions before we ever revisited an "us", but this weekend just threw me because of how he ended our relationship. He's had a lot of things happen the last year that I know made him grow up and mature a lot, but I just don’t know. Am I delusional or does it seem like he's not over it either? He ended it but he also initiated all of this, so I shouldn't reach out, or should I?
TLDR; My ex (23M) and I (25F) saw each other for the first time after a year of no contact and it was like nothing between us changed, we were electric. He very obviously wasn't over me at all/looking at me the entire weekend like he did when we were dating/taking care of me/acting like he did when we dated. I'm not sure what to do because it made me realize I'm not over it either, even after going the entire last year thinking I was. I don't know where to go from here.
Any input is helpful, I'm sorry this is so fucking long lol

Hi all
What do you think is the best option for getting home from Croke park after a gig (Coldplay, Sunday night) if you're travelling to Rathfarnham area? I'll be with my daughter and won't be drinking so car is an option.
I was thinking park & luas but understand the LUAS is a nightmare after gigs?
Maybe park in Parnell Street car park and walk or park in Fleet Street car park and walk?
Any ideas or thoughts would be greatly appreciated?
Thanks

on my mind lately but i do want to share it.
about 8 years ago, i had a lot of problems and was in a bad abusive relationship and basically he threatened me that if i didn’t let him sneak in at night that he would do something to me so i let him. this was all because he got into a fight with my brother and my mom didn’t want him over anymore. but anyways. he came one night and he got caught in my room. my mom freaked. i was already dealing with mental health problems and this made it 100000x worse. she took everything from me. i would just sit in my room and cry. eventually my doctor found out i self harmed because of taking my blood pressure and they recommended i go to a psychiatric facility. at this time my mom was being extremely horrible to me.
when i was in, i met this girl there. a quiet small girl. i decided to let her sit at my table during the day and we quickly became friends. she didn’t have a phone or socials but i gave her my info just in case. about 5 months later, i got a facebook message from her. comes out she got a phone after she begged her family for one so she can talk to me. from then on, we talked pretty much every day and shared everything with each other. she lived kind of far so i wasn’t able to see her in person until a few years later when her family got a car. she started dating this kid we also met at the hospital… i supported their relationship 100%. she was my best friend. i even taught her how to drive!
when we did see each other semi-regularly in person, i brought her with me to hang out with me my then bf and his best friend. his friend met a girl at my church and they started dating. so i brought my friend with me to hang with all of us and her and that other girl became friends. it bothered me because that other girl i knew my whole life. we never got along. but i was being nice since she was dating my bfs friend. the girls exchanged snaps i guess and they talked a lot without me knowing…
one day friend tells me she is pregnant. she misses a birth control shot and her boyfriend finished in her. she said she didn’t want him to and she doesn’t know what to do. and sure enough she is indeed pregnant. her family didn’t have much. they were about to be evicted… no one worked… it was a tough situation. she considered abortion and i told her, i will support you no matter what you decide. either way i am here.
i went to the mall one day with my bf and his friend and that other girl. we got to talking and she started saying how my friend can’t get an abortion because that’s wrong and it’s murder and idk what else. i didn’t like that she was saying that. i told her it was my friends choice no matter what.
my friend was supposed to go for an abortion. says she went. then she tells me they said she was a day too late and they couldn’t do it. i said it’s okay, i will be here to help! i spent the rest of her pregnancy finding the baby clothes, buying them groceries so she doesn’t go hungry, and so much more. i stepped up as much as i could.
my friends bf got into an accident and i dropped everything and drove to her to pick her up and take her to the hospital to see him after o took her to buy stuff for his hospital stay. mind you, i had just gotten my license yet i was driving downtown just to make sure she got to see him since no one else was able to take her. i stayed with her a while and took her home. all that.
i even went to see her and the baby when she was born and took her whatever she wanted to eat and even took photos of the baby for her. i loved that baby and her so much. she wanted me to be her godmother!
fast forward to covid, i was sad because i couldn’t visit her anymore. i wanted to keep her and the baby safe! we still talked daily like nothing. then i found out she talked to that girl from my church (the girl that dated my bfs friend) … and i told her hay she isn’t a great person. no one at church likes her and i explained to her all the reasons why. and that she also was talking crap about her wanting an abortion and the names she was calling her like murderer and whatnot. she proceeded to get upset at me and told me not to tell her who to be friends with…. so she blocked me.
one day out of the blue a few days later she asks me why this girl (who introduced me and my then bf) was telling her how i told her her business about her being pregnant and me buying her stuff and her bfs accident …. and im like ? what? and it comes out that my friend and my bfs friends ex were so pressed that they went and messaged someone who they knew i wasn’t talking to. we talked like one time ages ago and i was talking about my friend a bit with no details. but they go and text her and she spills how i told them all this and so my friend gets mad and says she doesn’t like me doing shit for her because i’m just gonna throw it in her face later. i was confused. but i couldn’t force her to talk to me. so i gave up trying to explain and reason and she blocked me on everything.
comes out the 3 girls met up just to talk shit. the third girl i mentioned who they messaged to get info from ended up not talking to them anymore and she told me how they’d talk about me and pull up my social medias to make fun of me and my now partner.
I also found out she lied to me about the abortion… she wasn’t late to get it. she didn’t even go because the girl manipulated her into not getting it because she convinced her that she would be a murderer. literally convinced her to keep a child she couldn’t support and did nothing to help yet i spent time and money making sure her fridge was stocked and the baby had clothes.
what’s fucked up is the told the girls that the groceries i got her she didn’t like or didn’t eat yet i literally still have the text message of the stuff she wanted, brands and all… and i literally got exactly what she wanted. that really helped me realize that i shoukdnt do shit for anyone because no one will ever appreciate it.
it’s also funny that her boyfriend or whatever messaged me about 2 months after this happened trying to hook up. he said he was sorry she did that to me. that he told her not to do it. and then said he wants to meet up to hookup and that he always thought i was hotter and that he only stayed with her because she needed someone LOL. so messed up. but anyways…
this whole situation caused me to spiral and almost attempt suicide. i ended my relationship as well but that wasn’t as painful as losing my best friend …. i’ve never felt a pain like that before. it hurt so much. and it still does hurt to think about. i ended up in the psych ward 3 months after my best friend blocked me. i’ve been different ever since.
the third girl i mentioned is now cool with me and we are on good terms. she apologized for engaging with them and talking to them. she assured me that what they did was wrong and i never did anything wrong in my friend ship with my best friend.
did i do something wrong? it’s been 4 years now and i still wonder what i could’ve done different.
i live in a different state and im in a great relationship now and life is great but i still miss having a close friend like that. no friendship will ever compare to the one i had with her ….
please tell me if you think i did something wrong i really want to know.
it’s eating away at me again …
***this all happened 4 years ago but she did reach out to me about 2 years ago from her dads facebook letting me know that he passed away since he really liked me a lot and i did talk to him every so often and when i would visit and take them food. it was kind of her to do that but the extent of the conversation was just that he loved me and that she wanted to let me know because he would want that. that broke me even further that she knew her family liked me yet chose to leave me anyway.

Hiii!! All the names are false :)
I(19F) started a relationship with Peter (19M) one month and a half ago. It's my second one and his first one. We met because his best friend, we'll call Lisa, wanted to present me to him from the beginning since she said we were really similar. First we started talking through instagram, then whatsapp, and in the end we met. All this time before becoming a couple was great and, even if he wasn't the best texter, you could sense his interest: he started conversations, didn't say if any girl was prettier than me, almost never forgot to say good morning/night...etc.
But everything changed when we became a couple.
Two weeks after, he started to have less inniciative, have less interest, prefered to say good night earlier to me so he would talk to Lisa on calls, would ask me less and less how I was doing...etc. It gave me anxiety: my last partner started to act like this when he stopped having interest on me and it all ended quite bad, and I started to overthink and have a lot of paranoia. At the end we talked about this, and he always made me know everything is alright and he was in love with me. So I stopped overthinking and got more relaxed.
But more time passed, and more things happened: * He started to tell me I had to loose weight and put some creams for my acne: I know, I don't have the best skin or body, but I'm never dirty or smell bad and I dress well. Peter was always pointing out my flaws and I repeatedly told him to STOP telling me I have to do excersice and improve my body since this is a REALLY SENSITIVE TOPIC to me (bullyed a lot bc of my body in the past). His answer always was that he was an honest person. Peter only stopped when he said I was more attractive before college and I stopped texting him for 2 days. I was MAD. Finally we talked things and since then he doesn't say more cruel things.

• He started to say when a girl was pretty to him: I actually didn't mind since I also find other guys handsome and is normal to find people attractive. The weird thing is how he would say it. (Ej: one day repently sent me an audio saying he stared to some goth girls and felt guilty and needed to tell me) (Ej: we saw a gothic girl and he stopped repently and said outloud "sorry but this is my weakness")
  
• He started to forget to say I love you: ok here I wanna explain we speak spanish. In spanish I love you can be "te amo" or "te quiero". The serious one is "te quiero", which is something only said to parents, brothers, really good friends or a spouse. He used to say "te amo" a lot at the beginning, but with the time he stopped saying it and even stopped saying "también te amo" (I love you too).
  
• He started to forget a lot to say good morning/night: always was busy and forgot, but never forgot to ask me for hot photos (that I don't send anymore lol).
  
• I was the one carrying all the conversations: we both aren't great at talking and I understand if he sometimes doesn't want to text. The thing is I was always the one who had to put all the effort in talking. For a period of time I decided to stop doing it and if he wanted to talk he'd do it...at the end, Peter asked me why I wasn't talking so much and I told him he didn't put any effort in conversations. His answer? "You know I'm not really creative doing it JAJAJA". I swear he was when we were knowing each other.
  
• Lisa: ok. She's great, the best person I've met in college. And I love talking a lot to her and laughing in class together. BUT they pass reaaaaally long time together, and she is really dominant and to a certain point manipulative. It wasn't an issue until one day we were in her car alone and she said out of nowhere "you know one of the reasons I wanted you to know Peter? Because I knew you would never ask him to be more time with you than with him". I got in shock, but didn't say anything about that (yes I know I'm an idiot :/).
  

I overthink a lot, so even if I know he isn't the most attentive boyfriend, I don't know if I'm overreacting or my discomfort is justified. He is preparing for the university entrance exams and I don't want to put pressure on him with these things...
TL;DR: my boyfriend changed his behavior towards me and I don't know if I'm overthinking or he is just a lazy boyfriend!