This is more of an offmychest kwento rather an actual post.
Galing ako sa small companies on my previous jobs, and I was just surprised at how things were going now na I'm at a midsize corpo company.
My first few observation were:

• wow, pano naging close yung iba't ibang departments when there's no time naman na they could be hanging out.
  
• this might be an environment where "evil eye" could be present; i never thought that was ever true until na i realized na some people are really competitive na dumarating sa pagkakaron na ng crab mentality.
  
• akala ko kapag nasa corpo world ka parang tanggap mo nang "disposable" ka, akala ko norm na yung just giving the bare minimum. But no, in my department, didibdibin talaga nila yung work nila na kahit mag overnight pa sila. And take note, they're just juniors lang rin.
  
• it looks like i do really have to get used with bida bidang coworkers. Di ko talaga sila matatakasan. Tipong putak ng putak kahit mali naman pinagsasabi just for the sake of being proactive
  
• and speaking of, i do need to be proactive. I really need to!!! But it's just hard for me if di ko naman talaga ugali. Perfect example of nonchalant. I keep my reactions to myself and always patago ang kilos ko; meaning I can help but di ko ibibida yun. And it also doesnt help na i get tired easily, kaya always akong naka "energy-savings mode".
  
• idk why, pero i'm always thinking about how much will my salary increase if nag jobhop uli ako. I really need to stop thinking about it kasi i think factor talaga why I'm not active. I always have my foot out the door kahit kakapasok ko lang.
  
• i also have to accept the fact that I'm coworkers with achievers. May cum laude, may topnotcher, may from a very nice company. Tapos ako: mortal na tao lang. Di na pwede yung ugali kong nonchalant lang. If before, hinahayaan ko lang if may gustong magpakajollibee sa work dapat ngayon I can prove na I really do deserve to be in the team. I need to study more so I can contribute naman.
  

Ibang iba talaga to from my previous experience na direkta inuutusan na ako kung ano gagawin, like di ko na kailangan mag-isip kasi ginawa na ng seniors ko for me. This time, I'll be thinking of the solution with raw data handed to me. This is gonna be so hard and uncomfortable but I hope I wont cry and give up kasi this is worth learning naman.
A message to myself: you need to experience everything kahit na mahirap, kasi it will be your leverage. Magpakatatag and maging masipag. Don't expect everything will be handed to you. Altho, it will also be helpful if you gather info/knowledge from colleagues. Wag mo na taasan pride mo, ask a lot of questions! This is the perfect opportunity since you're surrounded with competitive people. Wag ka papatalo. Bawal na ang tatamad tamad! Mahalin mo work mo and aim to be promoted ASAP!!! Magpakabida bida ka na, bata ka pa naman

It just doesn’t make sense anymore. My life was never good at any point but after 2020 I’m constantly being tortured and it’s getting worse and worse. Very bad luck, traumatic experiences, and my body is breaking down. I feel heavy, I can’t think or understand anymore, can’t have conversations, I can’t feel, and can’t function. Even through all of this, I managed to make a lot of progress spiritually but since 2024 it’s gotten 10 times worse, I’m slower than before, lacking physical feelings and everything is falling apart. I’ve also lost progress and went backwards. I’ve gone further backwards than who I was at base and I can’t fix it no matter what. I’ve become an intolerable, unable to think, emotional, unable to speak properly, awkward, and in a constant state of suffering. And I’ve exhausted every option I currently have
I’ve lost so much power within myself from spending it all trying to just function that I’m reduced to crying on this sub because I have no other choice, so if you wanna imply that I’m pathetic and a worthless piece of garbage that can’t change and take charge of his own issues go for it. I quite literally can’t.After everything I’ve went through that’s what I’ve become at the end of the day so you wouldn’t be wrong
My mind is falling apart. I’m becoming somebody I hate, every time I feel an emotion that I don’t want to feel I become latched to it until it consumes me unable to shake it off, to the point where I start punching myself or start clawing at my face because I can’t control my own mind like I used to. if I feel an emotion that I want to feel I either can’t really feel it or something happens in my immediate life to take it away and make me feel the opposite of what I wanted no matter what. I no longer have the intelligence I once had. I can’t think properly anymore, and I’m constantly confused by everything and I can’t understand things. Every mental task has become extremely difficult to the point that basic life is extremely frustrating and very hard.
I have constant nightmares that usually involve me getting killed, mostly by either my mom or my dad, or running from demons trying to steal my soul and trying to violate me sexually which they have and has caused a whole new assortment of issues for me
I lost every human part of me that made me feel alive.
My body is falling apart, I feel extremely heavy, one half of my body is numb and Ive become very weak physically. My vision is worse, my hand eye coordination is worse, everything that is supposed to make you human wether mentally or physically has been stripped from me, leaving me as less than a child, unable to defend myself or move in the world. I have tons of new auto immune diseases and allergies that came from nowhere which are causing me extreme discomfort in everyday life. Breathing feels difficult like it’s an exercise, or like I’m weight lifting so I have to take small breaths and hold it for as long as I can before breathing again and this is very uncomfortable
I hate it. I hate being stuck in this debilitated place as it gets worse and worse, and being unable to express myself about it because nobody understands no matter how I explain it to them or they just gaslight me and insult me like I’m not allowed to live and breathe and speak which is the notion that I’m getting from the universe that I don’t need to be here anymore. It’s like I’m under a curse where I’m forced to suffer hell and nobody is allowed to help me or even show a small level of for it.
I feel so alone and helpless, I don’t know what do do anymore. Everyone eventually just shuns me
Everybody in the world is more liable to treat me like shit now for some reason compared to how it was in 2023. Everyone became hostile and evil towards me because I’m no longer someone that deserves respect. I lost everything that a human is supposed to have internally how is anybody supposed to treat someone like that with respect?
It’s come to the point now where I’m finished. I’ve lost all of my energy and will to live through this shit. I have at least 3 months left in me. After August if things don’t change I’m finished

Wanted to share my story in case it helps others!
Went in for some upper right rib pain and my doctor found a lump in my breast. Had a mammogram (had to fight a bit for it because I’m 32 and that’s not “protocol”) and a subsequent ultrasound. Here are the findings from the mammo and ultrasound:
MAMMOGRAM FINDINGS:
In the right breast at 10:00 3 cm from the nipple anterior depth, there is a 1.2 cm oval mass.
No suspicious findings in the left breast
BILATERAL BREAST ULTRASOUND
Targeted right breast ultrasound in the area of the mammographic finding at 10:00 2 cm from the nipple demonstrates a 1.2 cm oval mass with microlobulated margins. There is an immediately adjacent 0.6 cm oval circumscribed hypoechoic mass. No right axillary adenopathy.
They told me that my masses had suspicious characteristics and didn’t offer any reassuring information about it potentially being benign. I thought this was a bad sign.
I had a biopsy a week later. It was rather pain free. I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Since there are two masses, they had me at a weird angle so they could try to get them both from the same entry! Took a bit longer because of this - maybe an hour total. After the biopsy, I rotated ice on and off for the day and then had some bruising and soreness but never enough to take any Tylenol.
I waited 3 business days (5 with weekend) and got the benign results!
A. Breast, right, ultrasound guided needle biopsy: Fibroadenoma. Negative for atypia and malignancy.
My doctor said that I will have a follow up to discuss frequency of mammograms but nothing needs to be handled via surgery at this point.
The characteristics, especially “microlobulated” freaked me out so much when I googled. Just know that these can be benign and most are!
TL/DR: BIRADS 4, two adjacent masses, microlobulated and circumscribed hypoechoic. Both are benign fibroadenomas.
Sending you strength if you’re going through this stressful time. Whatever the outcome, you will be OK!

Second, Innovation of production relations in Chainless systems

Leave a Comment / By WeishaZhu and 卢小波 / November 3, 2023

Introduction
The WEB3.0 chainless financial platform is referred to as the chainless platform. Its design breaks out of the constraints of the blockchain, and there is no limit to the impossible triangle of the blockchain. Cryptocurrency is better than advanced ideas, but its development is slow. According to statistics from PANews, at the end of 2022, there are 1,259 active DAPPs in Ethereum, which is really pitiful. The chainless platform adopts the idea of cryptocurrency and designs a transparent and centralized platform. The external characteristics are no different from the blockchain ledger. It is also a platform that implements openness and fairness and cannot be tampered with. Only in this way can the design compete with the ease of use of Web2, be popularized on a large scale, and make the number of DAPPs jump by an order of magnitude. Chainless design has no technical innovation and uses mature technology; it has unique innovations in products, incentives, communities, and core teams. This series has 5 sections in total. One is product innovation; the second is production relationship innovation; the third is business model innovation; the fourth is the role of the core team; and the fifth is the Interesting Reads Chainless Platform.
Second, Innovation of production relations in chain-free systems
In layperson’s terms, production relations are the relationships between people. One of the most important relationships between people is money. The second chapter of the chainless white paper,” Incentives,” and the third chapter, “Community Governance and Indirect Incentives,” are about innovatively designing relationships between people’s interests under legal conditions.
Community economic phenomena require new legislation
Chapter 2, “Incentives,” and Chapter 3, “Community Governance and Indirect Incentives” of the chainless white paper belong to the production relations section. There are almost no eye-catching research results in this cryptocurrency section, and there is not much progress compared with Bitcoin.
After China’s reform and opening up, there was an additional element of entrepreneurs, and their fate determined China’s national destiny. After the emergence of the Internet, there are two more elements: group owners and big Vs. The group owner represents relationships, and Big V represents knowledge. The boundary of relationships and knowledge is the boundary of the Internet. The organization of relationships and dissemination of knowledge transcend national borders and existing legal boundaries. We have watched social e-commerce grow taller, and we have watched them decline. They try to revitalize the value of relationships, which is the intuition of entrepreneurs, but it is also easy to touch the fuzzy zone of the law. As I pointed out in the article “Using Airdrops to Accumulate User Energy” (chainless.hk), “Cryptocurrency is a wide-ranging field, including politics, law, economics, finance, stocks, currencies, products, markets, and technology,” requires a comprehensive ability. The production relations of cryptocurrency are more oriented toward politics, law, finance, currency, and stocks.
Both group owners and influencers Big V belong to the community. We have corporate laws, and there should also be corresponding community laws. Communities are of great value; how can we find a new path without new legislation? Obviously, if it goes through, it will step on a treasure, but if there is no corresponding law, even if it goes through, the community’s advantages will still not be maximized.
Community design attempts that comply with current laws
The core of “Incentives” in Chapter 2 of Chainless is “Participation is Mining,” which means that participants have the opportunity to win prizes. Users do not need to pay any money but may receive reward tokens if they participate in various activities. The easiest way to win is to sign up and win. Users do not have to pay, meaning there is no financing, and it will not violate relevant international laws.
https://chainless.hk/2023/11/03/second-innovation-of-production-relations-in-chain-free-systems/

To note, this is a continuation of the sagas I wrote that took place after the Cell Saga. The two sagas were written with inspiration taken from MCU Peter Parker's arcs in Far from Home and No Way Home. The goal was to develop Son Gohan into a proper lead for the show. If you'd like to check them out, here are the links!
Bojack (Far From Home) Saga: https://www.reddit.com/fixingmovies/s/sK5zOnJ0oU
Broly (No Way Home) Saga: https://www.reddit.com/fixingmovies/s/R3sGOqdbIv
There are many things I find wrong in the Buu saga:

1. Goku coming back: This derails the narrative tremendously as he snatches back the torch from Gohan. He's going to play a role, but he will stay dead.
2. Gohan's writing: In canon, we ended up with a rusty, goofy, badly written character who lost all the development from the previous sagas. He became a useless disappointment and did not uphold his role as a protector of the earth. This won't go anywhere near that direction.
3. SSJ3 and fusions: These elements were unnecessary as they did nothing to solve the plot and only provided fluff. This can be introduced in Super, but that's another story.
4. Goten and Trunks SSJ: I wasn't a fan of how they easily transformed, treating it as an easy power-up. Here, it will be earned.

What I want to do here is combine the Buu saga with Fusion Reborn. For that movie, there are tons of elements at play that can be used to make the grand finale of Dragon Ball Z, more grand. The goal here is to increase the stakes, trim all the unnecessary fat, give everyone a chance to shine, and keep the main focus on Gohan. I also want to replace Buu with Janemba, as I find him much more threatening due to his unique abilities which would be perfect to challenge Gohan. It's also here that we avoid the rinse-and-repeat problem that came with Buu and his many forms.

Without further ado, here is the...... Janemba Saga!

Seven years have passed since the climactic battle against Broly. Gohan, now a young adult, has diligently pursued a delicate balance between his studies and training. During this time, he has honed his Super Saiyan 2 form and significantly elevated his combat skills. However, he deliberately restrains his power, refusing to succumb to the depths of his inner rage. Gohan believes that his technical prowess alone will suffice, opting to suppress the primal fury within him. Despite his reservations, Gohan attends a prestigious private school on an academic scholarship, alongside his steadfast companion Videl and their circle of friends. Gohan has embraced the responsibility of preserving peace on Earth as a valiant hero, adopting the mantle of Saiyaman. His suit has undergone a sleek redesign, shedding the theatrical poses in favor of a more streamlined appearance. Functioning as a dynamic duo reminiscent of Superman and Batman, Gohan and Videl tackle the city's crime wave together. Videl, having mastered her ki abilities under the tutelage of Piccolo, has grown stronger over the years. Glimpses of their everyday lives reveal the struggles of Gohan as he endeavors to balance the demands of school, training, and personal relationships. Amidst the challenges, he harbors a subtle resentment towards his duty, as it often encroaches upon his cherished personal time. Nevertheless, Gohan persists, fueled by his unwavering determination to live up to his father's legacy.
However, the tranquil facade is shattered when a harrowing turn of events unfolds. The narrative transitions to an otherworldly realm, distinctly separate from Earth. A mysterious figure cloaked in darkness materializes, none other than the malevolent wizard Babidi. Harnessing the unholy power of dark magic, Babidi establishes a sinister connection with his loyal minion Dabura, the King of the Demon Realm. United in their nefarious purpose, they orchestrate an audacious invasion of Otherworld, intent on freeing the formidable demon Janemba. Ages ago, Janemba had been sealed away in this celestial realm by the Supreme Kais. Babidi's malevolent ambition revolves around shrouding the universe in eternal darkness. To achieve this nightmarish vision, he plans to infect the denizens of Earth using the insidious Majin spell, thereby expanding his dominion across countless planets.
In the midst of this burgeoning chaos, Gohan, disguised as Saiyaman, finds himself investigating a peculiar incident involving the possession of one of his dearest friends. Videl, resolute and fearless, engages in a fierce battle against the malevolent puppeteer controlling Sharpner. With unwavering confidence, she urges Gohan to let her confront the threat alone. Sharpner, his strength unnaturally augmented, puts up a formidable resistance, but Videl's experience enables her to subdue him without resorting to fatal measures. As Sharpner awakens from his trance, Gohan seeks answers regarding the enigmatic force that had seized control of his friend. Sharpner reveals that a voice called Babidi had whispered malevolent commands into his mind. Armed with this critical information, Gohan summons Vegeta and Piccolo to join him in unraveling the unfolding crisis, embarking on a journey towards the epicenter of the ominous power emanating from a series of potent and wicked ki signatures, ultimately leading them to Babidi and Dabura.
Meanwhile, Earth becomes a battleground, besieged by an onslaught of resurrected zombies, soldiers, and former villains who once terrorized its populace. Though the trio finds themselves torn between aiding their beleaguered planet and confronting the imminent threat directly before them, they know their immediate priority lies in thwarting Babidi's scheme. Distracting them with his grandiose monologue, Babidi probes their minds, seeking susceptible individuals to manipulate. Initially targeting Vegeta, Babidi redirects his attention toward Piccolo, sensing his inherent duality as a being born of both good and evil. With a combination of Babidi's insidious spell and the lingering malevolence of Piccolo Daimao, the Namekian warrior struggles to resist the overwhelming influence. His powers surge exponentially beyond their previous limitations, clouding his judgment and driving him to confront his former student, Gohan. Amidst the shock of this unforeseen twist, Gohan assumes the responsibility of awakening Piccolo from his trance-like state, determined to restore his mentor's clarity. As the battle rages on, they sense a tremor that reverberates throughout the planet, an unmistakable ki signature brimming with icy coldness, signifying the presence of a singular entity—Janemba.
Bracing himself for the impending clash with this malevolent force, Gohan prepares to face Janemba head-on, while Piccolo embarks on a personal mission to neutralize Babidi. Meanwhile, Vegeta remains locked in a fierce struggle against Dabura, the Prince of Saiyans confronting the King of the Demon Realm. The confrontation unfolds with brutal intensity, and Vegeta finds himself teetering on the edge of defeat. Sensing his adversary's advantage, Dabura unleashes a legion of demons to tip the scales further in his favor. Pushed to his limits, Vegeta fights valiantly, but the odds appear insurmountable. Dabura, consumed by arrogance, revels in his imminent triumph, announcing his intention to unleash the full might of the demon horde upon Earth. Faced with the dire consequences of such a cataclysm, Vegeta musters every ounce of desperation within him. In a moment of self-sacrifice, he unleashes a devastating attack upon Dabura and his minions. The resulting explosion weakens Babidi's forces, repels the encroaching Demon Realm, and safeguards their dimension from untold chaos and devastation.
(Note: I wanted to keep Vegeta's sacrifice but make it matter and count. In canon, it didn't stop Buu, and he sent himself into cold oblivion on a lie. Here, he makes a difference in the long run and has a definitive redemptive moment. )
Startled by the sudden disappearance of Vegeta's powerful ki, Trunks defies the protests of his comrades on the Lookout and rushes towards the chaotic battleground. His heart pounds with trepidation as he races through the smoke-filled air, only to be confronted with the lifeless body of his father lying motionless on the ground. Overwhelmed by a torrent of despair and seething rage, Trunks' trembling hands reach out to shake his father awake, his desperate pleas echoing through the desolate landscape. But his efforts prove futile, and a profound sense of loss engulfs him.
In the midst of this heart-wrenching moment, a surge of raw energy courses through Trunks' veins, igniting a transformation that surpasses the boundaries of his mortal self. Radiating an aura of vibrant golden light, Trunks ascends to the legendary state of the Super Saiyan. His eyes ablaze with determination and fury, he is now ready to face the battle that lies ahead.The scene shifts, revealing the remaining Z-Fighters locked in a perilous struggle against hordes of relentless zombies. Fatigue weighs heavily upon their weary bodies as they fend off the relentless onslaught. Suddenly, a streak of intense power streaks across the sky, and Trunks descends before his comrades, newly transformed and brimming with indomitable strength. A burst of energy erupts from his fingertips, shattering a ki blast launched by one of the zombies, diverting it harmlessly away. In the eyes of his adversaries, astonishment mingles with mockery as they behold the sight of a mere child standing before them.Unfazed by their taunting laughter, Trunks addresses his comrades with unwavering resolve. He declares that he will shoulder the burden of the battle, vowing that not a single life will be lost on this day. With unparalleled speed and precision, he charges towards the encroaching horde, obliterating each zombie with astonishing ease. Their forces crumble beneath the might of his wrath, and the battlefield is transformed into a graveyard of defeated foes.As the last of the zombies falls, Trunks relinquishes his Super Saiyan form, his energy spent and body drained. Collapsing to the ground, he succumbs to exhaustion, his breathing ragged and labored. In this moment of vulnerability, Yamcha, recognizing the young warrior's valor, rushes to his side and gently lifts him from the battlefield, cradling his battered form with utmost care.
(Note: Kid Trunks' transformation is a direct reference to when Future Trunks found Gohan dead after the battle with the androids, and then he transformed. )
While this tumultuous event unfolded, the responsibility of safeguarding the Lookout fell upon the young shoulders of Goten. As time passed, a sudden intrusion disrupted the tranquility of the platform, as a malevolent henchman, infused with the dark power of King Cold, materialized before him. Though momentarily shaken, Goten summoned his courage and engaged in a valiant struggle against his formidable adversary.Initially, it appeared that Goten held his ground admirably, skillfully countering the attacks launched by the nefarious duo of Salza and Dore. However, their sinister coordination gradually began to overpower the young warrior. In a devastating display of force, Salza executed a malicious kick that sent Goten hurtling towards the precipice of the Lookout, teetering on the brink of unconsciousness.
Witnessing her son's battered and vulnerable state, Chi-Chi, consumed by a mixture of horror and fury, lunged at Salza in a desperate attempt to defend her child. Yet, her efforts proved futile as Salza callously seized her by the throat, mercilessly constricting the life from her. From his weakened position, Goten, wide-eyed and mouth agape, struggled to remain conscious, his mind besieged by the conflicting emotions of impending death and the weight of disappointment.
In that critical moment, he closed his eyes, his teeth sinking into his lip until blood stained his mouth. His trembling hands clenched into tight fists. And then, something within him snapped, unleashing a primal force that lay dormant within.Goten vanished, replaced by an embodiment of unbridled rage. Transformed into a Super Saiyan, his furious aura radiated with an intensity that defied comprehension. With a surge of unrestrained power, he propelled himself towards Salza, obliterating his malevolent foe with a devastating blast that eradicated him from existence. Undeterred by the remaining henchmen who sought to avenge their fallen comrade, Goten engaged them with a newfound ferocity.In a breathtaking display of combat prowess, it took mere moments for Goten to dispatch his adversaries, consigning them to the depths of the afterlife. Unaware of his mother's watchful gaze, Chi-Chi bore witness to the astonishing transformation of her once-innocent son, her heart filled with awe at the unfathomable power he now wielded.
(Note: This is a reference to when Superman had attacked Zod for attacking Martha in Man of Steel. With this, Goten is able to break out of his shell and experience some development. I also did not want Chi-Chi to die, but to have it be close. This way, she can witness firsthand her son fighting to avenge her and realizing that his saiyan blood kicked in to save them all, which would lead to some development towards her accepting that they have the natural power to fight, but also protect. )
Simultaneously, amidst the chaos, Piccolo found himself embroiled in a fierce battle of magic. His objective was to shatter the impenetrable barrier erected by his adversary, Babidi, to halt the relentless proliferation of Majin-infused beings. The odds were stacked against him, but with unwavering determination, Piccolo summoned the strength to rupture the barrier, ultimately delivering a fatal blow to Babidi. In doing so, he succeeded in halting the insidious spread of the Majin curse.Meanwhile, Gohan, driven by an overwhelming surge of power in his Super Saiyan 2 form, charged headlong at the formidable Fat Janemba, intent on swiftly ending the confrontation. Displaying remarkable valor, Gohan engaged his adversary with all his might, momentarily gaining the upper hand in fleeting bursts of fury. However, Janemba's energy continued to surge unabated, gradually overpowering Gohan and relegating him to a defensive stance.With the battle reaching its climax, Janemba unleashed a devastating onslaught aimed at obliterating the planet. In a desperate bid to protect all that he held dear, Gohan fearlessly interposed himself between Janemba's lethal assault and the world, extending his arms wide as he summoned the last vestiges of his ki to create a resolute energy shield. The technique demanded one final act of defiance, compelling Gohan to redirect the unleashed energy back towards Janemba, propelling the malevolent entity backward and teetering on the precipice of annihilation. Yet, the maneuver exacted a heavy toll on Gohan, leaving him grievously injured and drained of consciousness, hurtling through the sky and crashing deep into the untamed wilderness.
(Note: This maneuver is a mix of what Gohan did against Broly in Movie 10, and what Future Gohan did in his last battle against the androids.)
Subsequently, Supreme Kai, recognizing the dire condition of the young warrior, transported Gohan to the realm of the Kais. As Gohan gradually regained consciousness, he found himself surrounded by the presence of Supreme Kai, Kibito, and his father, Son Goku. Unbeknownst to Gohan, while the realms beyond had been engulfed in pandemonium, Goku had valiantly sought to subdue numerous formidable adversaries, most notably Broly. Upon learning of Gohan's presence on that distant planet, Goku implored for the opportunity to visit his son, a request that was granted amidst the bittersweet reunion.During their heartfelt meeting, they shared the weight of overseeing the turmoil ravaging Earth, realizing that Janemba still lingered, amassing the remnants of malevolent ki left unvanquished. Panic washed over Gohan as he urgently expressed his need to return to Earth, but his pleas were met with cautionary words from his loved ones. They acknowledged his unpreparedness to face Janemba anew, warning of the potential consequences should he engage the foe prematurely. Supreme Kai disclosed his true intention in bringing Gohan to this realm—to unlock the dormant power lying dormant within him. However, the process demanded a profound reconciliation of Gohan's dual nature as both human and Saiyan. To initiate this transformative ritual, Gohan would be immersed in a meditative trance within the sacred confines of a cascading waterfall, which would serve as a mirror reflecting his true self. Only then would he embark upon the arduous journey of unlocking his latent potential, fully aware that failure could result in dire consequences, even death.
Nervously, Gohan steeled himself for the imminent trial, drawing strength from the unwavering support of his father. With resolute determination, he approached the cascading waterfall, where Supreme Kai initiated the trance, enveloping Gohan in an ethereal aura of introspection.As the ritual commenced, Gohan's gaze fixated grimly upon vivid recollections of his past battles, struggling to reconcile the moments when he had succumbed to his own wrath. Before long, a projection materialized, representing his suppressed Saiyan essence—a separate entity demanding to be acknowledged. A tumultuous clash ensued between the two facets of Gohan's being, with the young warrior faltering in his attempts to gain the upper hand, for each surge of anger only fueled his other self. Finally, a profound realization washed over Gohan, piercing through the haze of conflict. He ceased resisting and, instead, extended a hand of acceptance and understanding to his Saiyan counterpart, embracing the essence of his true nature. In that transformative instant, the boundaries dissolved, merging into a harmonious unity. Gohan's eyes fluttered open as he awakened from the trance, reborn in his newfound Ultimate Form, his essence finally whole and indomitable.
(Note: Yes, this is a direct reference to Naruto obtaining true mastery of his nine tails form in Shippuden. I did not like Gohan's canon mystic ritual because it did not feel earned. He just sat around for a long time doing nothing and gained nothing from it. I wanted to fix that. So here, he went through a more direct ritual at the risk of death to be able to unlock his true abilities. )
In the midst of these events, Trunks and Goten find themselves under the tutelage of Piccolo within the formidable Hyperbolic Time Chamber. News reaches Piccolo that Gohan is undergoing a transformative process to unlock his latent potential, but the looming return of Janemba threatens to disrupt their plans. Exiting the chamber, Trunks and Goten emerge stronger than ever, having mastered their Super Saiyan forms and honed their teamwork to near perfection, compensating for their inherent power limitations.As Janemba crosses paths with them, the clash erupts in a spectacular display of martial prowess. Individually, they stand little chance against the overwhelming might of Janemba, but when united, a different narrative unfolds. Their combined efforts aim to sustain the battle long enough, providing Gohan with the precious time he needs to complete his ritual. Piccolo assumes leadership, valiantly holding his ground, although it becomes increasingly evident that Janemba possesses a distinct advantage. Piccolo strategically diverts Janemba's attention, creating openings for Goten and Trunks to launch coordinated assaults that vex their adversary, even if their impact is minimal. Nonetheless, every second counts.
In a fateful turn of events, Janemba unleashes an assault that overwhelms Piccolo, incapacitating him and leaving only Goten and Trunks to face the malevolent entity. Swift as a phantom, Janemba materializes in front of Trunks, delivering a devastating blow to his abdomen, leaving Goten as the lone defender. Standing tall, Goten defiantly assumes a battle stance, mustering his courage. However, before Janemba can unleash a devastating attack upon him, an unknown figure delivers a powerful kick to Janemba's head, hurtling him towards the distant mountains.
The camera pans, revealing the figure to be none other than Gohan, resplendent in his newfound form.
(Note: This entrance directly mirrors that of Future Gohan when he was about to begin his final battle against the Androids!)
A wave of elation washes over Goten as he beholds the return of his beloved elder brother, while Trunks and Piccolo visibly exhale with relief. Gohan and Piccolo exchange a brief but meaningful exchange, Gohan acknowledging his newfound strength while Piccolo recognizes that Gohan has ascended to an entirely different echelon. Janemba regains his footing, reemerging before them, demanding their attention and focus. Gohan asserts that he will confront Janemba directly, urging the others to evacuate. Though reluctant, Piccolo and the young warriors comply, dispersing to various parts of the world to address the chaos that plagues their surroundings.
With an air of fury, Janemba charges at Gohan, his fist extended menacingly. Yet Gohan intercepts the attack, seizing Janemba's fist in a vice-like grip, and in a flash of teleportation, they are transported to the dreaded realm of H.F.I.L. (Home For Infinite Losers).
(Note: I have Gohan teleport Janemba because at least this way their battle will not damage Earth. Also we will assume Gohan has figured out some sort of Instant Transmission movement like Goku.)
The eyes of Earth's denizens, the Kais, and the denizens of the Otherworld are fixated on this pivotal moment, the culmination of a battle that will determine the fate of the universe. And so, the clash commences, a cataclysmic struggle that echoes through the very fabric of existence.
In a breathtaking display of power, Gohan initially dominates the battle, effortlessly overpowering Janemba with his newfound might. However, the tables turn when Janemba unveils unexpected abilities: space-time manipulation and a formidable sword. Gohan is caught off guard, unsure of how to counter such unorthodox tactics. Desperation and frustration consume him, causing his control over his own power to slip away.Amidst the chaos, Gohan experiences a moment of revelation, a surge of understanding regarding his opponent's abilities. He realizes that in order to anticipate Janemba's next move, he must heighten his senses by channeling his ki, allowing for precise timing and swift reactions. With this newfound clarity, Gohan regains his composure, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Seizing an opportunity, Janemba materializes before him, poised to strike with his sword. Yet, in a stunning display of strength, Gohan catches the blade with both hands, shattering it into pieces.
The tide of the battle begins to shift, albeit slightly, in Gohan's favor. Frustrated and bewildered, Janemba exclaims, "Just what...are you?!" Gohan responds with unwavering resolve, proclaiming, "I am the hope of the universe. I am the answer to all living things that cry out for peace. I am the protector of the innocent. I am the light in the darkness. I am truth. Ally to good! Nightmare to you!"
(Note: I'm taking Goku's dubbed speech against Frieza and repurposing it for Gohan. As he's inherently more the justice-driven hero archetype rather than the fighting maniac that is Goku, it makes more sense. We'll just assume Goku gave Frieza the manga version of his speech. This is also the most pivotal moment of Gohan's journey as he comes to terms with being a protector. Throughout the show, he's been struggling between his desire to be a scholar and his responsibility to be a hero. That dubbed speech is exactly the moment that Gohan's arc comes full circle. Here, he finally embraces what he was always meant to be..... the hero.)
With renewed determination, Gohan launches various assaults in a bid to defeat his formidable adversary. However, his attacks fail to inflict lasting damage, and Gohan himself begins to exhaust his ki. It is then that he realizes the true nature of Janemba's existence—he is an embodiment of pure evil ki, unlike any opponent Gohan has faced before. A desperate plan takes shape in Gohan's mind. Mentally reaching out to his friends and even Videl, he calls upon them to gather their ki, reminiscent of the Spirit Bomb technique. Initially, only the Z-Fighters respond, but their combined energy proves insufficient.As Gohan valiantly defends against Janemba's onslaught, he mentally pleads with the people of Earth to lend their aid. Uncertainty and doubt cast a shadow over the crowd until Hercule steps forward, berating them for refusing to support the man who once saved them during the Cell Games. Revealing the truth of Gohan's identity as the Delivery Boy turned hero, the tide of public opinion shifts. People extend their hands, offering their energy to their savior. Shocked by the sudden turn of events, Gohan is relieved by the surge of ki coursing through him, providing a momentary opening to kick Janemba away. The collective assistance grants Gohan a substantial reservoir of energy, which he then summons forth, infusing it with the very essence of his soul—a daring and perilous maneuver.
Driven to his breaking point, a furious Janemba ascends into the sky, conjuring a colossal sphere of malevolent ki capable of obliterating the entire universe. Gohan remains calm, his gaze fixed upon the impending cataclysm. With unwavering resolve, he declares, "This is the end for you, Janemba." Closing his eyes, Gohan raises his left hand above his head, conjuring a radiant sphere of rainbow light. Seizing the opportunity, Janemba hurls his devastating attack towards Gohan. Sensing the imminent danger, Gohan's eyes snap open as he crushes the ball of energy in his palm. Swiftly pivoting, he hurls the fragmented energy towards the oncoming attack, effortlessly piercing through it, and hurtling towards Janemba, finally eradicating the universe's peril once and for all.
(Note: This is the same technique as Kid Buu's Planet Burst move, the one that destroyed Earth. I also repurposed Gogeta's stardust breaker technique for Gohan as I feel it makes sense for him to have it. It also makes him stand out from Goku even more in this case.)
As the dust settles, Gohan maintains his energy long enough to witness Janemba's demise. A triumphant smirk graces his face as he remarks, "Heh, looks like I finally did it." Exhausted, he collapses to the ground, almost completely drained. The onlookers erupt into joyous cheers, celebrating Gohan's hard-fought victory. Supreme Kai teleports Gohan from the depths of H.F.I.L back to Earth, specifically to the Lookout, where his family and friends eagerly await his return. In a heartwarming scene, Gohan is enveloped in embraces and expressions of relief. It is here, amidst the warmth of their loved ones, that Gohan and Videl share their first kiss—a tender moment of connection and celebration.Meanwhile, the Dragon Balls work their magic, rectifying the chaos caused by Babidi's dark influence. The majority of those who perished are revived, yet there are exceptions, including Vegeta. Accepting his fate and determined to atone for his past deeds, Vegeta expresses his desire to continue growing stronger in the afterlife, entrusting the protection of his family to his son. Tearfully, Trunks vows to make his father proud, with Goten stepping forward to support his friend in this emotional moment. Fond farewells are exchanged as everyone prepares to return to their respective homes.
Gohan and Goten engage in a heartfelt conversation, their bond as brothers strengthening. However, their exchange is interrupted by Chi-Chi, who unexpectedly interrupts their conversation. To their astonishment, she expresses pride in their valiant efforts to safeguard the world, finally relenting and granting them permission to train and protect. The three embrace, their family united and resolute.In a different realm, Vegeta stands before King Yemma, awaiting judgment. To his surprise, he is granted an Otherworldly body, a result of Goku's recommendation and Vegeta's ultimate sacrifice that tipped the scales of justice. With this second chance, Vegeta is granted the opportunity to train ceaselessly and, more importantly, to settle his unfinished business with Goku. The final scene between Goku and Vegeta unfolds, their fists colliding in a charged confrontation, their image freezing .( mirroring the intensity of Rocky and Apollo in Rocky III, leaving their ultimate showdown to the imagination.)
A decade passes, marked by a time skip. Tien and Krillin have established their own martial arts schools, dedicated to passing on their unique styles to the next generation. Goten and Trunks, under the tutelage of Piccolo, diligently train to harness their extraordinary powers. Gohan, now a respected scholar, has married Videl, and together they have a daughter. At home, Videl imparts the basics of combat to their daughter, Pan. Gohan, having just finished delivering a lecture on energy at the university, senses a disturbance reverberating across the planet. Instinctively, he rushes to the rooftop, pressing a button on his wrist. In an instant, he transforms into his iconic Saiyaman costume, soaring into the horizon with a mischievous grin. He breaks through the fourth wall, symbolizing his unwavering resolve to protect and inspire.
The screen fades to black.
The End.
There we have it! My final wrap-up of the MCU Peter ParkeGohan development journey! Honestly, I did have thoughts of just going straight into revising the Buu arc, but I felt there was more to be done before that. Gohan needed to go through the development I gave him in my two written arcs as there were lessons there that shaped him.
I also felt that a trained Gohan, who is naturally intellectual, would be a perfect antagonist in Janemba. He had to learn to outsmart him, and not just have it be a straight-up slugfest.
What do you guys think? Share your thoughts below!
u/fatherandyriley
u/dgenerationmc

I have doc appointment soon, but I was wondering if my symptoms line with some of your’s so I’m not too surprised by a diagnosis.
I have sharp pain and tingling in random places on my face that come and go. Particularly around my eye, in the cheek or forehead. Along with regular headaches.
My eyesight went from 20/20 to not being able to see without glasses in a matter of months. Without glasses I see double of anything I’m not looking at directly. Like if I have to look to the side, down, or up everything is double.
I have this squeezing type pain in my chest that isn’t heart related.
I get electrical type pain shooting down the back of shoulder and arm.
Numbness and tingling in my legs and they have also gotten significantly weaker. So weak, if I try to bend down to get something, my legs shake like crazy.
I get random muscle spasms everywhere it seems.
I have an aching pain in my joints at times where it feels like I’ve got a fever but no temp
Brain fog is very bad at times
Fatigue is one of my biggest issues. There’s days I can’t get myself to do anything and I hate to feel lazy
I have a terrible gait, almost like I drag my left hip along, and I have been known to lose balance easily.
Always feel like I need to urinate but I can’t fully empty so I have to go again an hour later.
If I’m really tired, my speech does slur.
My hands constantly shake to where I can no longer draw like I used to.
Thats the gist of it. Theres more specific things but in general this is what I’ve been dealing with for the past year or so. Some symptoms I’ve had for several years. Just seems to be getting worse. Does this line up with any of your experiences? Thanks in advance.

I need to bulk. Not puking. Slow eating. Eat more. Force myself. Eat slow, eat little by little. Gain muscle. Gain energy. No pain; no gain. Force myself. Push, push, push. Nothing hurts. I feed on pain. Start now, not soon. Battle the headache. Make up for missed training. 10,000 Kicks Monthly. Leg kicks. Body kicks. High Kicks. Teeps. 333 everyday, 350 kicks everyday. Sand bag, none. Rice bags. Buy Rice Bags. Find way to hang punching bag. 100 pushups everyday. Push myself. Push myself. Push Myself. No headaches. Forget headaches. Earn. Money. Broke. Look for money. Earn money. Make money. Side business, too broke to start. Summer jobs. Schedule. Fix schedule. Room. Clean. Forget pain. Drink Vitamin C. More water. Ashwaghanda. Buy Ashwaghanda. "How to fight." Noise. Noisy. Too much. Noise. Noisy. Post. Content. Instagram. Content. Reel. Real Reels. Noisy. Noisy. Midnight.

There's been a pretty big burning/hot stiff in my neck along with waking up drenched in sweat, nausea, feeling weak in the arms and legs, chills and headaches. No cough or sore throat. I've been experiencing these symptoms for about 4-5 days. Are these just normal flu symptoms that'll just go away on its own?

Good morning everyone. As most of you may already be aware, last week I have decided to end things with my husband of 7 years. He moved all his belongings out last week, and I have been living in my apartment by myself. When I first met him 7 years back, we were both over the moon and we had gotten married just 3 months after dating. Things were amazing for a while, but shortly after we began to have a lot of problems. Mistakes were made of course, but we had tried to work through them as we both still loved each other very much. For 6 years, I supported his heart failure and took care of him. Paid all the bills, etc only up until last year when he was finally awarded money for his disability by the government.
Things just got really bad between us. Countless fights, screaming, stress, everything. I had realized that I fell out of love with him years ago, but was too afraid to speak honestly. And so the vicious cycle of fighting, tears, anguish, and sadness continued for years. We became roommates so to speak. I would work, come home, eat, and we were sleeping in separate rooms for years. I was too afraid to speak up and say anything. I became an empty, lifeless shell devoid of human emotion, and I barely recognized myself anymore. It was the most horrible feeling. I thought this perpetual cycle of madness was going to continue on infinitely. My mental state was fucked at this point.
So we continued on, I came back to Reddit...again as some of my followers know I had quite the history of coming and going. (Now you know why). I started to post characters again for fun, not really returning to full time sliders as it's a lot of work, but rather just sharing some fashion and faces I thought looked good. This simple thing made me feel happier despite how much pain I was dealing with internally. I made my first post here several weeks ago, and that same night I received a PM from a complete stranger that was really nice. It was a simple message, but it made me genuinely smile. Probably the first real genuine feeling I had felt in a long time. And something inside of me told me to respond. And so I did. And instantly my conversations day and night with said individual were the only thing I looked forward to. They brought me solace and happiness that I never knew I could even feel again. I really have came to know this individual really well and it turns out we both have very similar situations. It was the absolute most real and unreal thing I could fathom. At some point I questioned if this was real, because surely this was something that my subconscious just cooked up. I wouldn't have put it past it, as I was already so screwed up from a culmination of everything that had happened and everything currently going on. But I found myself rereading all of the conversations recently and the first time I heard his voice, I think I said something to him along the lines of "Oh my god, you're real."
And we continued talking every day and night since then, and I told him everything. Like...my entire life story. Fucking flood gates were open and i couldn't stop. I was one hundred percent completely open and honest with him and I've never been able to do that with anyone, not the man I was married to for 7 years....not even myself. He accepted me completely, flaws and all. And I realized that I was falling in love with him. That I do love him.
I had to start being honest with myself and those around me before it got to the point where I completely lost sight of myself. My marriage was already in shambles prior to this, and it was going to end regardless, but once he entered my life, I knew I had to speak up.
And so when I told him I wanted a divorce and asked him to move out, he tried to give me the ultimatum of I could stay in the marriage or I can continue talking to "dipshit". And I was seething and seeing absolute red. I chose Josh. And I told him that I never expected to fall in love with him, but I did. I told him he needs to leave because regardless of whether I had fallen in love or not, this was already and had been already long over. And so he packed his things and calmly left. I was expecting him to punch a hole through the apartment wall as he had done in the past. Because I was so used to the fighting and screaming. The calm departure threw me off. But once he left, I fell to the floor hysterically crying from a mix of so many emotions. I was alone. I was relieved. And I could finally start healing.
And to Josh, who I know will read this, but probably not comment...I love you. You mean more to me than you could realize and I can't wait to meet you in June. ❤️
And to my soon to be ex who won't be seeing this. These are my final words, because writing is my life blood, the very essence of my being:
Torture crawls and scrapes its claws, through my dampened corridors. Each lonely passage stinks of flesh, a labyrinth of echoed death.
Steel my darkness; absorb its pain, syringe despair just like cocaine. Hooked by your spell and through my heart, you scored my veins with kisses tart.
Liquid regret sucks from my skin, seeps through the dungeon deep within. Living, dying, dead existence, shallow stone, sinking resistance.
You said your heart was my true gift, but through cold eyes I sensed a mist. I saw behind your two-faced mind, your scheme to control clearly defined.
Etched realization chilled my soul. How could your love be lifeless coal? Was evilness pursed on your lips with every single deadly kiss?
Did you desire to burn disgust, upon man's love with poisoned bust? Was there ever somewhere deep within, a piece of love wrapped in thin sin?
Your eyes were blank, no love lived there. An empty book, full of blank stare. So now I write my final note, To tell you my love is revoked.
A heart like yours has only hate. A sprite disguised with angel bate. No longer will your tricks deceive and leach the energy from me.
So read these words from me to you, our love is dead so we are through. My heart's immune to your black spell, your love unreturned to rot in hell.

First_Previous
Again a small lore dump, on magic attributes. Hope you enjoy!
_________________________________________________________________________________
On the way to the next lesson Mor was asked °Think, I could use your magic?° by the human.
°I don´t know, maybe something to try later today° he answered. °Yeah, let's do that too.° Human agreed.
The next lesson was an interesting one, at least for the visitor from beyond, it was a lesson on the rules of magic, even if Mor and quite a few of his peers were lulled into sleep by the soothing voice of the teacher. The human, never expected, that someone could teach something so interesting in such a boring way.
...
As you all know, magic is divided into types, that are known to us as attributes.
Attributes have a positive effect on magic of the same type and a negative effect on the type opposing it. To give you an example for this a mage with fire affinity, will not be able to use higher forms of water magic. We know of the following attributes, but sometimes new ones are discovered, so this list is ever-expanding. Please pay attention now, as this will be test-relevant. We know of the elemental attributes, Fire, Earth, Water, and Wind, the manipulation attributes, Healing and Illusion and finally the royal attribute, only seen in the royal Diamond family, called Gravity.
Here I have to note, that there are spells, that are not included in any of those attributes and can be used by anyone. These are called Basic-attributed spells. Those spells include for example things like body enhancement, magic bolt, or the widely used message spell.
Now please note that the attribute distinctions are only one part, the second part is the distinction of potency of the spells. Firstly there is the single-class, moving and manipulating existing materials, you can pick fruits or use a small amount of water to water a plant, they can only do what anyone could do with their own hands and basic tools. Next up would be group-class where the material to manipulate will be supplied by the magic power and here your attributes will matter. In this class, the basic martial spells and convenience spells are located, with a strength that a small group estimated at around five people could produce with their tools. Then we get into the village-class magic and as you can surely guess those include things, that would need the manual labor of a small village, and here most of you will find yourself comfortable spellcasting. But then we go into the higher forms, here you either need a soul-bound partner with the same affinity as yourself to supply the energy demands, those are called demographic-class, and finally, there would be world-class magic, but the energy required of those could only be supplied by a whole convent of right attributed mages at least that´s the theory. Nobody was able to use a spell like that, it is purely hypothetical.
...
°Ok, that was really interesting, I would like to see what those high-class spells are capable of.° The human stated and Mor answered °Yes, but with my magic reserves, we will probably be stuck at group-class magic.° °Laaaame!° Human exclaimed. °We really need to find a way to get you more magic... This is just stupid.°
°Well it would help if it is possible for you to also cast spells. Then we could be much faster in using magic.° Mor thought. °Well, only a few more hours and we can test that, at home.°
°You´re right.° the human agreed.
With this, both of them either suffered or excitedly listened through the following lessons, and Mor having a peaceful lunch break. At last as peaceful, as it can be with a human trying to move random body parts and cursing about how hard it was. Mor finally made them stop after he was made to involuntary open his hand, and drop his juice. But without the acute danger of the bullies, it was very nice for a change, if a bit lonely. But still much better than before, the only bad thing about the bonding with the human was, that his body ached after the human moved it so violently, but it would pass, he was sure of that.
Finally, after lessons ended, Mor acquired something for supper and retreated to his room, carefully locking the door and at the insistence of the human enhancing the lock with a simple spell to make the lock and door more sturdy.
After they finally "guarded" their room right, Mor refusing to add some "surprises" for anyone opening the door. They sat down on the bed and began with what they discussed.
°I want to try using magic first.° The human opened. °Moving your body is hella exhausting.°
°Yes, let´s try it. First, just concentrate on the magic inside our body and make it flow.° Mor guided the human. °How do I concentrate on the magic?° The question came and Mor explained further. °You have to feel the potential within and then concentrate on it.°
After a short while the human stated °Is it bad, that I can´t feel any potential or whatever? Maybe just go like this and yes I think I feel something flow!° Mor felt elated, now they could cast two spells even with his meager energy reserves. °Great! Now concentrate on the pillow and imagine it fluffing itself up.° And once again the human tried, but nothing would happen. °Huh? Why is nothing happening? I feel something flowing and all.° They asked. °I don´t know, I´m telling you what I was told when I started with the magic. What my parents taught me.° Mor answered.
°Speaking of your parents, you have magic communication. Why is that message taking so long to reach them? Shouldn´t that be instantaneous?° The human asked.
Mor sighed °Your understanding is screwed up, how would you even think that? Message magic is simple, so you need to have a view on your recipient or it won't work.°
°Well, we have some stories in our world, with magic settings and shit, and there it is always super handy and can do just about anything. While here it is tedious and full of "that´s not how it works".° The human sounded disappointed.
°Well let´s get back on track and let me try some more. Maybe you could watch the flow of your energy, then tell me if I do something right.° Human offered and Mor nodded. Like that, they tried, but Mor could not detect any movement in the energies within him. °This is not working.° Mor stated, and the human had to reluctantly agree.
°So we are left with trying to let me do the body movement... Not ideal, but well let´s try something from my world. Take deep breaths and relax, only concentrate on your breathing.° The human instructed and Mor followed the directions and slowly felt his body moving, doing everything in his power to not intervene and only concentrate on his breathing until finally the human let out a satisfied grunt.
°Yes that is better, it is still hard, but now I´m just moving something I´m not accustomed to, instead of fighting you.° The human sounded pretty happy and Mor was too, but a quick glance at the clock in his room let both of them decide to get some sleep. Being late for class and tired would not be good.
Mor awoke the next morning to a world of pain, his whole body just hurt. °What is this, it hurts!°
°I don´t know! I did nothing while you were asleep!°
°You must have! Why else would it be like this?° Mor scolded the human.
°Don´t get snippy with me! I will slap you! And with your own hand no less!° They countered.
°And why I´m the only one in pain, that is unfair!° Mor complained.
°Why would you think that? I feel the pain too, it´s just not as bad as you say. You are just a little wuss.° The human said.
°I´m no wuss, I never had this kind of pain before!° Mor grumbled.
°Really? If I had to describe it it feels just like a little soreness in the muscles... Ah! Maybe, me moving your body is more stressful, than you moving your own. Even if you are distracted you subconsciously try to fight my control. That would make sense, but we can´t know for sure.° Human theorized.
°Really? And now? If this is what happens this is not acceptable!° Mor was still whining.
°Well easy, we will test your theory, that you can´t train your bodies, because, with this new development, I smell bullshit and laziness. Time to train and limber up!° Mor whinced at that exclamation of the human. °We will do nothing like that!° He exclaimed.
°We will, and I will force you if I need to.° The human stated matter of factly. °I hate you.° Mor grumbled.
°Yes. Yes! Let the hate flow through you!° The human snickered. °Still, I won´t let you just opt out without trying!°

I'm British 34F, 156cm and maintain around 16% body fat. Eat a high protein and fibre diet, avoid eating UPF. No other medical conditions, never been to hospital before and usually slather white tiger balm or patches on my forehead for headaches.
I moved from Japan to SE Asia temporarily for work. After being here for 2.5 months I was getting the worst headaches of my life when my wisdom teeth started coming through. The headaches were concentrated above my left eye and blurred my vision in my left eye.
I went to a dentist within an English speaking hospital who said my wisdom teeth were fine but they recommended I went to the onsite pharmacy due to the headaches. They gave me 8/500mg co-codamol (effervescent tablets) and wrote 'Max 3 per day' on the packet in English.
I took 1 a day for the first 4 days, none of the 5th and 6th days and then took 1 a day for the following 4 days. 8 within 10 days.
The morning after I took the last tablet I woke up with jaundice - eye whites, face, chest, abdomen and arms. I also had diarrhoea, sore throat, lots of spots on my lower face, a different type of headache that felt more like swelling on the top of my head, feeling dizzy whenever I sat up/down and very fatigued.
I went to a different hospital and paid for a blood, kidney and liver test and was told it came back on the high side of normal. They said the dose I took wasn't consistent with my symptoms and I may be sensitive to paracetamol and may have Gilbert's syndrome. They said to come back if the jaundice worsened or I started feeling pain in my abdomen - thankfully neither happened.
It's now 8 days since I took the last tablet and I still have a hint of jaundice, it has gone down though and my skin is usually very cool toned. I still feel extremely tired, I usually exercise most days (rowing and weights) but at the moment my thighs and calfs feel exhausted after walking up 3 flights of stairs.
Do I need to do anything else/seek more medical attention? Will this damage my liver in the longterm? I'm here for another 6 weeks. Excuse the throwaway, a bit too personal for my main.

Fifth day on Ostarine, took it 30 minutes before my workout. Along with some pre workout and felt terrible the whole time, no blood flow, headaches, low energy. Going to get my blood pressure checked, what is a quiting “number” if it gets that high, pre cycle I believe it was 137/72. And if I do get to the blood pressure where I must call off the cycle, what should I do about the blood pressure so I can attempt the cycle again?

Hello...again. I'm still crusading with everything that has helped me live (mostly) Chiari symptom free for many years, and the next idea I want to share is uncomfortable. It won't feel good to read but if you think it doesn't relate to you I promise you--it relates to everyone and anyone who has a chronic condition or is sick in any way.
Little info about me:
Type 1 Chiari, 20mm. Diagnosed 2016; surgery was offered but not taken. My primary symptom was/occasionally is debilitating head pain from strain/pressure.
Links to my previous posts on the subject:
Living Well With Chiari - Without Surgery
Take a Life Inventory
Reducing Triggers
Improving Overall Health
Now...
Don’t hate me for asking, but…what do you get out of being sick?
No one consciously likes being sick. No one longs for the skull-splitting pain that can accompany a Chiari malformation. No one relishes dizzy spells and nausea and eye sensitivity and poor coordination or the other twenty dozen symptoms that our doctors may or may not take seriously, that there may or may not be treatment for, and that may or may not rule our lives BUT with every illness there is always some kind of advantage.
At my worst, Chiari was the BEST at getting me out of things. Excruciating pain excused me from everything. Family gatherings, friend parties, work events…cleaning the house, taking care of myself, or doing anything other than watching TV and drinking wine. I didn’t have to do SHIT. Because I couldn’t. And the Chiari was permission to give no fucks what anyone else wanted or needed or how they felt about my withdrawal from life. It was the ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card.
I mean, I was miserable…but I was basking in that misery.
I was in so much pain I couldn’t think about how to live better. I couldn’t worry about such things as my weight or the future of my writing or how filthy my floors were. I was barely living. And it was awful.
It was also a way out.

i was a sick person.

To my core, that was me: SICK. I didn’t realize how bad it was until my husband—who never gets a cold—complained of a virus and my internal dialogue went something like this: What? He thinks he’s sick? What a laugh! He’s not sick. NOBODY is sick like me.
I owned illness above all else. I hated it, but it was MINE. Every coughing fit, every spike of head pain, every wall I stumbled into, every night I cried myself to sleep. Being sick was who I became.
And I would never get well until I stopped being a sick person.
The Chiari had its sneaky tendrils snaked into every facet of my life, like we were woven together in a most elaborate tapestry of illness and pain. To begin healing, I had to untether from it. I had to separate myself from every Chiari strand until every fiber of my being was free.
If it sounds metaphorical, it’s not. It’s literal and simple (though seldom easy). Every time Chiari became a thought or an excuse, that was my cue to change the dialogue. For example, when I was contemplating changing jobs, I remembered my brief stint as a bartender in 2011 and immediately my brain said: I can’t do that anymore; what if I have a coughing fit behind the bar? Limiting beliefs running rampant in my brain needed to get shut down and rewritten into something more supportive, like: I would love to work with animals or in nature. That’s the kind of job I should be looking for!
In that kind of rewrite, I’m not denying that I might encounter pain or discomfort, but I’m choosing not to let pain or discomfort be the focus or run the show. Instead of looking at what I don’t want to experience, I’m putting my attention on the things that I do.
More than changing my thoughts, I had to stop using Chiari as an excuse to get out of living…and everything else…which meant showing up one minute at a time in all the places that I used to avoid, being present with all the people and situations the Chiari had shielded me from.

if i wanted to live without its pain, i also had to live without its protection.

Now, it’s true that there are plenty of legitimate physical limitations that accompany illnesses, Chiari included, but the problem comes when you talk yourself out of anything and everything because of them. I could get out of bed, I just chose not to. I could show up in life, I just chose not to. I could write a book or clean my house or have a kid…I just chose not to.
Or, rather, the Chiari chose for me.
Pandering to Chiari’s whims wasn’t limited to thoughts. It was in every decision I made, every choice to live small, every act to hide and shut down. It was in the purse that I carried (will it fit a water bottle to stave off a coughing fit?), the places that I went (can’t go there, the air in that store is guaranteed to tickle my lungs), the way I spent my time (I can’t visit those friends…I’ll have too much fun and want to laugh and laughing hurts so my head so much), and plans for the future (how can I have children when I can’t even take care of myself?).
Untethering from Chiari took work. And it’s still ongoing. Most of the ways that I have used Chiari to limit myself have been eradicated. My life, as a result, looks vastly different than it did in 2016 at the height of the pain. Today I’m a stay at home mom with a son, I have energy, I take Zumba classes, I write every day, my fiction has been produced by podcasts, I spend time outdoors every day, I laugh (sometimes it still hurts), I go into stores (sometimes) without bottles of water, I don’t drink wine every night (I don’t need to), and I’m free from the anxiety and depression that was once as crippling as the head pain that I only seldom experience. I am living.
If there’s one strand that I haven’t untethered from yet, it’s the fear around getting sick. I am terrified of being around sick people. I can’t even blame COVID, though it certainly contributed to the anxiety. I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with someone coughing in my vicinity, knowing how bad it will hurt my head if I catch whatever they’re hacking up, and I don’t know if it’s necessarily a bad thing to keep my distance when I know someone is sick (I mean, shouldn’t we be doing that anyway?) but I’m trying to be less afraid. Or, at least, I’m trying to be less of a jerk about it when that fear takes over and people don’t understand why their cold is literally my kryptonite.
What I don’t do is use Chiari as an excuse to get out of living. I show up every day in every way and life keeps getting better. Bigger. Chiari Free.

I have made it a habit to tell guys who show interest in me that I am not looking to date around, and that I'm serious about what I want. I do it because I want to be upfront about my intentions. Since I mostly meet men who want the same stuff, this makes their eyes sparkle and they get so excited. They fall in love with the idea of me: the woman who wants what they want. I give it a chance since I see he wants what I want. Then once I'm interested, he loses interest and leaves.
I am truly sick of dating and meeting new people. I don't want to keep doing it. I told myself twice now that I won't do it, but then I met two guys who made me change my mind and give it a chance. One broke my heart, and the other changed his mind before I could get attached or hurt too much, thankfully.
I love love, I love being dedicated to one man. I romanticize everything, I picture the future, I keep getting hopeful. I don't know if it's better to allow myself to be hurt for the chance that it could work, or if it's better to close myself off completely so that there's no chance of hurt, but also no chance of love.
I just don't wanna have feelings for someone only for it to not work out. I don't wanna spend time and energy getting to know someone, get excited that we're so similar, and then have it die on me.

tl;dr my husband shared that he wants to quit his job because he is unhappy. I felt like he dropped a bomb on me, and asked some questions, and we ended up having a huge fight.
I would welcome some advice, please.
We have two kids (7 and 4). Both are high energy, one is neurodiverse, and we both work in challenging white collar professions. My husband works for a municipality. It's a good job with good benefits that has flexibility. My job is less of those things. We're both tired. I also think my husband has undiagnosed ADHD which may result in the constant boredom/unhappiness in his job.
Last night, as I was cooking dinner, my husband shared that he is unhappy in his job and would like to quit by the end of the summer even if he has no other job lined up. This is not the first time he's had a mid-life crisis abut quitting his job. My mind sort of exploded a bit upon hearing this, but I kept my emotions in check.
After we got our kids to bed, I asked what had changed since we were on a spring break road trip about six weeks ago, when he acknowledged that the job was steady, flexible, paid well and was worth keeping. He took my questions and - perhaps, wide-eyed look of shock, as an affront and got angry with me for asking questions. I was apparently not allowed to ask questions about his feelings. Although I feel strongly that he came up with a plan (that was questionably mutual) based on his feelings and informed me of his plan. I have no issues with the feelings of unhappiness underlying the plan, and want him to be happy. Somehow this all went horribly wrong. We're both still - the morning after, extremely angry with one another and not talking to another.
I want to validate his feelings, but I also don't want him to make a rash decision that has a material impact on our family. I know he's unhappy in his job, but part of me feels like he's in his late 40s - can we stop with the midlife crises, and can he just muddle through/quiet quit his job b/c it's otherwise not terrible? Please share advice to repair this.
Any and all sage words of advice to repair this, please. Thank you.

tl;dr my husband shared that he wants to quit his job because he is unhappy. I felt like he dropped a bomb on me, and asked some questions, and we ended up having a huge fight.
I would welcome some advice, please.
We have two kids (7 and 4). Both are high energy, one is neurodiverse, and we both work in challenging white collar professions. My husband works for a municipality. It's a good job with good benefits that has flexibility. My job is less of those things. We're both tired. I also think my husband has undiagnosed ADHD which may result in the constant boredom/unhappiness in his job.
Last night, as I was cooking dinner, my husband shared that he is unhappy in his job and would like to quit by the end of the summer even if he has no other job lined up. This is not the first time he's had a mid-life crisis abut quitting his job. My mind sort of exploded a bit upon hearing this, but I kept my emotions in check.
After we got our kids to bed, I asked what had changed since we were on a spring break road trip about six weeks ago, when he acknowledged that the job was steady, flexible, paid well and was worth keeping. He took my questions and - perhaps, wide-eyed look of shock, as an affront and got angry with me for asking questions. I was apparently not allowed to ask questions about his feelings. Although I feel strongly that he came up with a plan (that was questionably mutual) based on his feelings and informed me of his plan. I have no issues with the feelings of unhappiness underlying the plan, and want him to be happy. Somehow this all went horribly wrong. We're both still - the morning after, extremely angry with one another and not talking to another.
I want to validate his feelings, but I also don't want him to make a rash decision that has a material impact on our family. I know he's unhappy in his job, but part of me feels like he's in his late 40s - can we stop with the midlife crises, and can he just muddle through/quiet quit his job b/c it's otherwise not terrible?
Any and all sage words of advice to repair this, please. Thank you.

On Friday, I had my 3 month post Neurosurgeon follow-up after the Gamma Knife Radiation and a new MRI scan. No change to my tumor!!!😊 I go for another MRI in six months and then annually from there. He wants me to see a Neurologist because he thinks the tension I’m having behind my right ear is actually headaches. Also, he wants me to see Neuro Ophthalmologist to check my eyes and make sure there isn’t any pressure behind them. Feeling relieved even though I’m still having symptoms!

Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
“That’s strange,” Exar said a minute later, “I’m not picking up any of the satellite constellations. If it was just one of them knocked out, I’d put it down to a scheduled maintenance. But all of em? Fishy, that’s what it is.”
“I don’t understand,” Rene’s spirits plummeted at the news. He should have known it wouldn’t be so easy.
“Me neither, chief. But take it easy!” Exar assured him, “There’s an easy fix for that. Just hike me up someplace with better reception. Any place where we can get above all these damn trees is good.”
“I’m afraid that’s not exactly an option, noble Exar.”
Rene briefly summarized the situation, filling in the details whenever Exar interrupted him with a question, which was not often.
“Got it,” Exar said after listening attentively, “In short, you’ve got a tribe of devolved humanoids on your tail, also infected by the same parasitoids as our young miss over here. Comms are down, and our closest exfil point is at least thirty-nine klicks due southeast, where our friends, ‘the Fleet’, will be waiting for you.”
“How did you measure the distance so precisely?” Rene asked.
“The T.O.R.U. you were piloting is currently in power cycling mode, but it’s still sending out its mayday message for the repair crews. Judging by the fact that it ejected us via safety pod, the unit must’ve suffered potentially catastrophic damage to its subsystems. Not to worry, though. My inbuilt Geiger counter just gave the all-clear, so there was no meltdown in the reactor core.”
“The most pressing issue is that you have less than 72 hours’ worth of fungicidal doses left, and nothing with which to defend yourself but the monomachete from your kit. In addition, this young lady—”
“Zildiz,” Rene supplied him.
“My bad—Zildiz. I like it, very exotic. Zildiz belongs to a culture which behaves aggressively towards Exodus Industries development projects here on the ground. That everything?” Exar briskly concluded.
Rene nodded. Exar then immediately began outlining a plan of action. Their first priority was to gain altitude and establish communication with ‘Exodus Industries’, an entity which Rene assumed was the ancestor-gods’ equivalent to Fleet Command.
Exar would then signal for help using the spinning bowl (which it referred to as an ‘allcomm antenna’) and an interstellar shuttle would be sent to transport them to the one of the moons.
The moons! Rene was giddy at the prospect of becoming the first man to have returned to mankind’s celestial origin. He tried not to get his hopes too high, however, knowing life’s avowed fondness for ruining every dream a man ever had.
Failing that, Exar would use the high vantage point to triangulate their position using nearby geographic landmarks. Once they had their bearings, it would be a simple matter of hiking over to the nearest hardened base and knocking on the airlock doors.
“I must say, you’re taking all this bad news remarkably in stride, wise Exar,” he told the beeping sphere.
“Oh, puh-leeze! This ain’t my first rodeo, pardner. We E.X.A.R. units have dealt with far worse in our time.”
“Really? Worse than Arachnea?”
“Oh, is that what the kids are calling this place these days? Sure is catchier than 65 Syngman Bb, lemme tell ya. But yeah, this here is nuthin.”
Exar chuckled, a child amused by the backwardness of his senile grandparents.
“Alien plague strains from the thawed-out heart of an asteroid. Cosmophage armadas unleashed by rogue A.I. Not to mention all those privateer raids on the fringes of Pact space. We’ve dealt with them all, helped people survive through the worst the galaxy can throw at them. And with 95% success rate, too, if I may add,” Exar said somewhat immodestly, “Anywho, that’s enough of me jawing. Let’s go mobile, chief.”
“What, right now?”
“The mist’s our best shot, bo-sing. Natural concealment. No telling how long it’ll last.”
Before they left, Rene had Exar explain the functions of all the tools in the kit. The sphere confirmed what Rene had suspected: the slate fed on the radiance of the suns. Exar called it a ‘solar cell panel’. In turn, the pronged cords attached to the solar cell could transfer energy to artefact he wanted to use.
He connected the panel to the mysterious gauntlet with the underslung pipe, which Exar informed him was a ‘laser designator’, a tool meant for guiding in airdropped supplies or flying machines.
“It also doubles as a heat source. Just up the wattage on that sucker with the slide wheel on the edge of the hand. See it?”
Rene put on the gauntlet and activated it by means of a green switch under the thumb. A tight needle of red light shone from the tube, and Rene understood that it was basically like the electrochemical torches that miners used. When he adjusted the slide wheel the needle of light narrowed and grew brighter. Where it touched the granite walls of the burrow there, sour-smelling wisps of smoke rose.
Hot enough to scorch stone? He would have to be careful where he pointed this.
“Go easy on it, though,” Exar advised him, “That kinda power output will drain the juice in a jiffy.”
“The juice?” Rene repeated stupidly.
Exar made it clear to him that the artefacts could store ‘the juice’ from the panel. Moreover, the panel could be mounted on the front or the back of the jumpsuit by means of the same backpack rigging that held the breathing apparatus, allowing the user to collect the juice and charge up to two devices (Exar included) even while on the move. Even the bulky survival kit could be could be fastened to his loadout with a set of clasps at the bottom of the pack which Rene hadn’t noticed.
“As for me, I can hitch a ride on your backpack as well,” Exar told him brightly. And indeed, there was a spherical indentation above the breathing apparatus where Exar could fasten himself in with his stubby spike legs.
Rene whistled appreciatively at the compact nature of the jumpsuit’s design; the entire survival kit was so cleverly put together, a testament to the ancestor-gods’ practical mindset.
He secured his gear, choosing to split the juices between Exar and the gauntlet, and got ready to leave. Rene crouched at the hatch of the burrow like a man in a trench waiting for the shrill whistle that would propel him up and over into the desolate no-man’s land.
Then he noticed Zildiz still huddled in place, not even daring to look at him or the talking sphere. Rene had originally been grateful that Exar’s appearance had shut her up, but this state of catatonic shock of hers worried him.
“Coming?” he asked her.
“I’m not going anywhere with that…that thing!” she stated categorically.
“Was it something I said?” Exar sounded hurt.
“The simulacrum said it would cut me out of my exomorph. That would kill me, Fleet-man.”
“Madame, I got no intention of hurting you!” Exar protested, “But the fact is, you’re sick. The parasite’s attached to so many of the organs in your body, that I fear that it’s totally coopted their functions. Our people have the technology to reverse all that.”
“I will not heed the promises of a slaved intelligence!” she snapped.
Their argument was interrupted by a chorus of hair-raising screams from the jungle beyond. Even in those guttural, inhuman voices there was no mistaking the notes of grief and rage.
“They’ve found Kryptus,” Rene surmised, “Just like you said they would.”
“I take it the natives are restless,” Exar tittered nervously, “Tailo, methinks we gotta go.”
Rene saw Zildiz hesitate, weighing the balance of her fears and forming an internal consensus. He made a move to tip the scales in his favor, and spoke to her from the heart:
“Zildiz. I swear to you that as long as it is within my power to protect you, I will not allow you to come to harm. You are a prisoner of penultimate importance to the Fleet. I’d sooner die than fail in my mission to get you back to civilization. If you doubt my intentions, consider the fact that nobody in their right minds would’ve tried so hard to keep you alive, not unless they have very good reasons to do so.”
“I am not like the Leapers or your people, the Gallivants. I am a soldier of the Fleet, and my priority is the continuation of my species—our species,” he added firmly, “Now, I can’t begin to imagine what horrors and depravities your kind have suffered these past few centuries, or what the Vitalus has taught you to believe. But in my mind, we are all one people under the same god. If that god is the Vitalus, then it is clear that he hates us. Why else would he, in all his supposed omnipotence, condemn us to live in this unending state of warfare and ignorance? Why does he forbid the full use of the human intellect, the sole source of our comfort and security in an uncaring universe? Why must he despise us so?”
“I don’t know the answers to those questions. But I do know this: I do not hate you, Zildiz of the Gallivants. In fact, I would very much like to help you. Will you let me do that?”
Rene stood up and lifted the hatch, turning to offer her a hand.
“Besides! If you come with me, we can go ask the gods in person.”
This is certainly new, Zildiz thought, unsure of what to make of Rene’s offer. His suggestion of a pan-kindred alliance bound together by their shared ancestry was ridiculous, of course. She knew enough of the mathematical models and the general principles of nature to know that such an undertaking was doomed by definition. And yet here was an opportunity unlike any other.
Rene meant to take her to one of the last remaining holdfasts of the Betrayers. Who would have thought that those ancient demons were still clinging on to life, lurking in some nameless abyss, waiting for their chance to wreak one final act of vengeance upon an unsuspecting Arachnea.
And here she was, uniquely placed to destroy them all in one fell stroke. Once she was nestled in that abode of evil, a single transmission from her magnetosynaptic organ to the Vitalus was all it would take to bring Its righteous fury down upon them.
The rewards would be immense. At the very least they would make her a Matriarch. Her gilt helix would live on forever in the generations to come, her legacy enshrined in the undying architecture of the genome. Her children would never go hungry or cold for the rest of their lives. She and her brood could have their pick of exomorph grafts.
Infrared eyes for night stalking, hypo thorax stabilizer tendons for prolonged flight, extra waste ducts, subdermal heat signature regulators, biochemical afterburners to add thrust, not to mention a whole slew of offensive weaponry—nothing would be off the table!
All she had to do was take Rene’s hand.
She did. The Fleet-man lifted her up out of the burrow, trying not to look too surprised at her acceptance.
A very naïve race, she decided. He caught her calculating gaze and must have mistaken it for the beginnings of friendship, for he said:
“Glad to have you aboard, Zildiz. Now let’s get the hell out of here.”
Link for all the chapters available here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
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My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
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My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
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Comments
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Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.

OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.

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failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.

OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK

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BigIronBruce

She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.

That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.

Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?

I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
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OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank you

Interesting-Tip-4850

"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."

you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.

OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?

Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.

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Update - 8 days later
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I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
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Comments
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Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.

OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.

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shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.

OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.

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RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?

OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hi all
Weird that I'm making this post but honestly would like some support by anyone who has been through something similar. I was a NW 2-3, early 30s, kinda slowly losing some hair since years and probably pretty much stabilized, as my father has the same hairline/timelines. Nothing too bad, most people were like "you don't need a transplant etc". Uppercuts were fine I guess and generally my hair didn't cause me social issues (pretty much attractive).
I had the idea of getting a transplant for a couple of years, because "I was a mild case and could fix it good", but no time to do it. Didn't research too much cause I knew someone through my father who was supposed to be very experienced and respectable in my country so it was a no brainer (stupid idea). His results looked ok, but now I realise that the pictures were not ideally taken, and since looking at other works from experts I know that they're not really good, so I am really anxious. The decision was made fast, without much research as I had limited time and energy atm (won't go in details as to why this happened).
So I'm 2.5 months post-op. I started regretting one week in due to finding a lot of doubles on my hairline. I had a lot of other issues going on (huge risks, instability, change of country/work, life pretty much falling apart) and thought this would help my confidence while I was taking my next steps. Turns out it f*cked me hard. These past 2 months have been some of the worst in my life, and I've been through a lot of shit. I feel like I destroyed my head, that it's gonna look awful and need repairs and time and energy and money and since it wouldn't be something extremely life changing anyway, this whole period is not worth it. I feel that I was attractive and now I'm gonna look like shit. I'm definitely in the ugly duckling phase but didn't shed somewhere like 40% of hairs so they look weird. I have developed a very sensitive eye in picking up transplants and honestly am starting to like my previously receding hairline. I just want it back and be in peace (I know I can't).
All this has brought my like to a halt. I can't concentrate on important stuff and everyone around me thinks I'm overreacting and it "looks fine" etc. Yes it might be overreaction, yes I am getting support. Any other suggestions on how to cope, please?