I am looking for a unyielding, + 1 strength, weapon weight reduction, civil engineer armor.
Maybe good Overeaters, ammo weight reduction, excavator pieces.
Now what I have for trade.
Rare outfits
tattered field jacket
blue ridge caravan outfit and and gas mask
both scout masks
white powder jumpsuit
responder fireman helmet
glowing scorchbeast queen mask
glowing honey bee mask
winter man mask
crazy guy mask
deathclaw mask
brahmin mask
demon mask
hag mask
buffoon mask
raven mask
weapons
elders marks
aristocrats, explosive, less vats cost
bloodied, explosive, breaks 50% slower
instigating, explosive, less vats cost
vampire, explosive, faster reload
vampire, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost
enclave plasmas
bloodied, 50 more vats critical damage, breaks 50% slower, not modded
quad, faster fire rate, faster reload, not modded
mod boxes and unrolled weapons
ranged
aristocrats, explosive, less vats cost, handmade
aristocrats, explosive, faster reload, handmade
aristocrats, explosive, less vats cost, 10mm submachine gun
aristocrats, faster fire rate, faster reload, gatling plasma
anti armor, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, compound bow
anti armor, explosive, V.A.T.S. critical meter fills 15% faster, radium rifle
anti armor, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, pepper shaker
anti armor, faster fire rate, faster reload, minigun
anti armor, explosive, faster reload, bolt-action pistol/rifle
anti armor, explosive, less vats cost, railway rifle
anti armor, explosive, breaks 50% slower, gatling gun
anti armor, explosive, less vats cost, hunting rifle
bloodied, faster fire rate, less vats cost, ultracite laser gun
bloodied, explosive, faster reload, handmade
bloodied, explosive, breaks 50% slower, fixer
bloodied, faster fire rate, faster reload, minigun
bloodied, faster fire rate, 90 reduced weight, minigun
bloodied, faster fire rate, 90 reduced weight, gatling laser
bloodied, explosive, faster reload, submachine gun
bloodied, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, gatling plasma
bloodied, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, lever action
bloodied, faster fire, rate, 90 reduced weight, radium rifle
bloodied, faster fire, rate, less vats cost, railway rifle
bloodied, explosive, faster reload, ripe rifle/pistol
bloodied, faster fire rate, breaks 50% slower, ultracite gatling laser
bloodied, explosive, breaks 50% slower, gatling gun
bloodied,, rate, +50% hit chance hit target in VATS, less vats cost, gauss rifle
executioner, explosive, less vats cost, fixer
junkies, explosive, faster reload, handmade
junkies, explosive, less vats cost, pipe revolver
quad, 50 more vats critical damage, faster reload, fixer
quad, explosive, less vats cost, pipe revolver
quad, faster fire rate, faster reload, gatling gun
quad, faster fire rate, faster reload, assault rifle
quad, explosive, less vats cost, assault rifle
quad, faster fire rate, less vats cost, assault rifle
quad, explosive, less vats cost, bolt action pipe rifle
quad, explosive, faster reload, hunting rifle
quad, faster fire rate, V.A.T.S. critical meter fills 15% faster, railway rifle
tse, less vats cost, pipe bolt action pistol/rifle
tse, faster reload, pump action shotgun
tse, less vats cost, combat shotgun
tse, faster reload, handmade
tse, less vats cost, radium rifle
tse, 90 reduced weight, 50 cal machine gun
tse, 90 reduced weight, gatling gun
two shot, faster fire rate, less vats cost, railway rifle
two shot, 50 more vats critical damage, faster reload, fatman
two shot, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, gauss rifle
two shot, +50% hit chance hit target in VATS, faster reload, auto grenade launcher
vampire, faster fire rate, less vats cost, railway rifle
vampire, explosive, less vats cost, railway rifle
vampire, explosive, faster reload, pipe revolver
vampire, explosive, less vats cost, assault rifle
vampire, explosive, faster reload, combat rifle
vampire, explosive, faster reload, radium rifle
vampire, explosive, less vats cost, pipe revolver
vampire, explosive, faster reload, double barrel shotgun
vampire, 50 more vats critical damage, V.A.T.S. critical meter fills 15% faster, gauss rifle
melee
anti armor, 50 more vats critical damage, less vats cost, chainsaw
anti armor, swing speed, + 1 strength, pole hook
anti armor, swing speed, + 1 strength, shovel
anti armor, swing speed, + 1 strength, shishkebab
aristocrats, power attack, breaks 50% slower, chainsaw
berserkers, power attack, + 1 strength, chainsaw
bloodied, power attack, breaks 50% slower, chainsaw
bloodied, power attack, 90 reduced weight, chainsaw
bloodied, power attack, + 1 strength, chainsaw
bloodied, AP, 90 reduced weight, chainsaw
bloodied, power attack, + 1 strength, grognak axe
bloodied, swing speed, + 1 strength, sledgehammer
bloodied, swing speed, + 1 strength, multi purpose axe
furious power attack, + 1 strength, chainsaw
junkies, swing speed, +1 strength, pole hook
junkies, swing speed, +1 strength, cultist dagger
junkies, swing speed, +1 strength, death tambo
junkies, swing speed, +1 strength, chinese officer sword
junkies, swing speed, +1 strength, tire iron
junkies, swing speed, +1 strength, pickaxe
instigating, swing speed, +1 strength, super sledge
vampire, +25% damage while standing still, + 1 strength, chainsaw
vampire, power attack, less vats cost, chainsaw
vampire, power attack, breaks 50% slower, chainsaw
vampire, power attack, 90 reduced weight, chainsaw
vampire, AP, + 1 strength, chainsaw
armor
assassins, AP, sentinel, sturdy robot left leg
assassins, receive 7% less explosion damage, sentinel, civil engineer chest
assassins, receive 7% less explosion damage, sentinel, heavy leather right arm
chameleon, ap, sentinel, heavy combat armor right arm
overeaters, AP, cavalier, civil engineer chest
overeaters, + 25 fire resistance, weapon weight reduction, urban scout right arm
overeaters, receive 7% less explosion damage, sentinel, sturdy metal right arm
overeaters, + 1 perception, cavalier, trapper left arm
overeaters, poison resistance, weapon weight reduction, urban scout chest
overeaters, AP, cavalier, trapper left arm
overeaters, 25% disease resistance, weapon weight reduction, trapper left arm
overeaters, 1 strength, cavalier, forest scout right leg
overeaters, hunger and thirst 10% slower, sentinel, heavy leather left arm
overeaters, Fire resistance, weapon weight reduction, wood left leg
overeaters, Fire resistance, cavalier, wood right leg
overeaters, poison resistance, cavalier, heavy combat right arm
overeaters, radiation resistance, AWR, forest right arm
overeaters, poison resistance, AWR, marine right arm
overeaters, Fire resistance, sentinel, heavy combat left arm
overeaters, radiation resistance, weapon weight reduction, sturdy combat right leg
unyielding, radiation resistance, cavalier, marine chest
unyielding, 1 strength, harder to detect while sneaking, forest scout chest
unyielding, 1 strength, sentinel, sturdy leather chest
unyielding, 1 strength, sentinel, heavy metal chest
unyielding, AP, cavalier, urban scout right leg
unyielding, 1 perception, weapon weight reduction, light leather left arm
unyielding, 1 intelligence, sentinel, wood right leg
unyielding, 1 luck, sentinel, light leather right leg
unyielding, poison resistance, cavalier, forest scout left arm
unyielding, AP, sentinel, heavy combat armor chest
unyielding, AP, weapon weight reduction, light combat armor right leg
unyielding, AP, cavalier, trapper right arm
unyielding, radiation resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, marine left arm
unyielding, radiation resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, sturdy left leg
unyielding, 1 luck, sentinel, heavy raider chest
unyielding, 1 intelligence, cavalier, marine right leg
unyielding, AP, harder to detect while sneaking, sturdy robot right leg
unyielding, 25% cryo resistance, AWR, marine left leg
unyielding, radiation resistance, AWR, forest scout left leg
unyielding, poison resistance, cavalier, forest scout left arm
unyielding, poison resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, trapper left arm
unyielding, receive 7% less explosion damage, sentinel, heavy robot left arm
unyielding, receive 7% less explosion damage, FDC weight reduction, heavy raider left arm
unyielding, radiation resistance, cavalier, heavy combat right leg
unyielding, radiation resistance, cavalier, wood right leg
unyielding, Fire resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, wood left leg
unyielding, 1 intelligence, weapon weight reduction, sturdy leather chest
unyielding, receive 7% less explosion damage, weapon weight reduction, marine right arm
unyielding, 1 strength, weapon weight reduction, trapper left leg
unyielding, 1 intelligence, weapon weight reduction, trapper left arm
unyielding, Fire resistance, sentinel, heavy metal right arm
unyielding, AP, harder to detect while sneaking, urban scout right arm
unyielding, 1 strength, weapon weight reduction, heavy combat armor chest
unyielding, receive 7% less explosion damage, sentinel, heavy metal left arm
unyielding, poison resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, heavy combat armor chest
unyielding, 1 intelligence, sentinel, heavy robot right arm
unyielding, AP, AWR, sturdy leather left arm
unyielding, Fire resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, heavy raider right leg
unyielding, 1 agility, sentinel, civil engineer chest
unyielding, 1 strength, FDC weight reduction, civil engineer chest
unyielding, 25% cryo resistance, harder to detect while sneaking, civil engineer chest
unyielding, AP, harder to detect while sneaking, civil engineer chest
unyielding, AP, harder to detect while sneaking, sturdy metal left leg
unyielding, AP, sentinel, sturdy metal right leg
vanguard, radiation resistance, weapon weight reduction, heavy combat armor chest
vanguard, 1 strength, sentinel, heavy combat armor left arm
vanguard, AP, weapon weight reduction, civil engineer chest
power armor
Overeaters, receive 7% less explosion damage, weapon weight reduction, t45 right arm
Overeaters, Fire resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator right leg
Overeaters, Fire resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator left leg
Overeaters, poison resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator right leg
Overeaters, radiation resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator torso
Overeaters, 25% disease resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator right leg
Overeaters, + 1 endurance, FDC weight reduction, excavator left leg
Overeaters, 25% disease resistance, AWR, excavator left leg
Overeaters, 25% disease resistance, AWR, excavator left leg
Overeaters, Fire resistance, sentinel, excavator right arm
Overeaters, + 1 strength, sentinel, excavator left arm
Overeaters, poison resistance, sentinel, excavator torso
Overeaters, poison resistance, cavalier, excavator torso
Overeaters, hunger and thirst grow 10% slower, weapon weight reduction, excavator left arm
Overeaters, 25% cryo resistance, weapon weight reduction, excavator right arm
Overeaters, AP, weapon weight reduction, excavator right arm
Overeaters, + 1 strength, AWR, T60 right leg
Overeaters, + 1 intelligence, weapon weight reduction, ultracite right leg
Overeaters, Fire resistance, weapon weight reduction, X01 left leg
vanguard's, AP, weapon weight reduction, excavator right leg
plans
I have most rare plans such as.
I believe I have all the rare Ultracite power armor plans
dense trapper torso plan
dense marine torso plan
T60 full set of plans

I'm a '19/F' year old student in college dating a '18/M' guy I been with for going on three years now I have a overall good relationship with my parents though we often butt heads a lot...throughout my whole life I had a "problem with boys" it started when I was '14/F' I started dating of course being young and dumb i did dumb things like texting inappropriately. My parents would go through my phone and find thing an make me break up with them even if we wasn't texting inappropriate as well...When I was '15/F' I met a guy who was Muslim who I started dating when I was '16/F' and he ended up sharing at part of his religion with me I got very close with his family but my parents are Christian so when they saw I was changing my views on my own religion and actually starting to love Islam and wanted to convert they forced me to break up with him i didn't want to because he was also my friend so I left home and this caused a big deal... my grandma called the police on me and I got brought home being forced to now see or talk to him, quite my job( I worked with him), and not graduate early (I was ahead and had great grades in High school). A year later I met my current Boyfriend who I truly love and I know loves me. Me and my boyfriend are '16/M' and '17/F' I am a year older. I try to hide him from my parents because I know they would probably tell me to break up with him or start going through my phone again. Which they did go through my phone and saw I was dating him and wanted me to break up with him but I didn't We continue dating and we wasn't perfect we were young a dumb as well when we first started dating we wasn't allowed to go on dates because we both didn't have a car so I try to sneak to his house ar got caught then a year ago I sneaked him into m house for a day while my parents where gone on vacation he felt uneasy because he knew my parents are strict and didn't want to get me in trouble but we did anyway and we were successful... Until six months later me and my dad had been arguing because of how I felt he treats me (we have a rocky relationship and when me mad he will ignore me for weeks) this turned into a family problem because my grandma and mom got into it and he felt I was putting all the blame on him. So one day I came home after going to meet my boyfriend ate the park (they knew I was meeting him) I came home and we got into a big argument. My dad said he doesn't talk to me because how I act and told me how he had on camera me sneaking my boyfriend in the house. I felt really bad and knew I was wrong but confused why he just now decided to confront me about it. But why forced me to break up with my boyfriend i didn't want to because I love him and we had been dating now for two years as well as I was '18/F' but to go into college so I packed my stuff and tried to leave, my boyfriend wanted me to come stay with him till I could move into my dorm but my dad got mad and got physically aggressive and stoped me( gave me bruises on my arm). I brought all my college supplies myself man's my mom broke it in the front yard with a hammer... I even gave them my car keys and was but to leave to my boyfriend house in the Uber I bought. But they forced me to stay and break up with him also I wasn' allowed to go live on campus anymore. Now a year later my parents hate him and since I live in there house I'm not allowed to see him( we met one a week at my college to see each other secretly). They said I did this to myself and I always blame them… I don’t know what to think.

Sooo I’m kind of freaking out. Im 31(f) I was just diagnosed a little over a week ago after they saw 9 active lesions light up in my brain (one is over 2cm long)
Today I had a pt and an ot evaluation and was freaked out to see that every time I turn my head to the right or left when walking I lose my balance and when my eyes were closed when I was touched on my forearm I thought it was my upper arm…
I’m starting my first OCREVUS treatment on June 7th. Is there anyway it can shrink the lesions / reverse any damage that I have?
Thank you!!

Disgust is such an interesting emotion
It's something from experience or memory, that I know is toxic.
It's not bad at all, it's a way we learn. What's harmful what's not
For example.
I find disgust an emotion I really want to investigate on. I get disgusted by so many things and culture etc especially the popular ones and the mainstream ones
To be more specific and personal
I am disgusted by vegans (soy boy face especially), because I was brainwashed by peta propaganda, when I was a teeny bomber, also when I was an internet influencer I used to hang out with those famous mainstream YouTubers who would make those soyface
To me anything mainstream is super disgusting yet I was always the one who makes being famous a part of my persona and I loved to be worshiped by the mainstream. My followers would make comments like hey you are very popular but you hate anything popular does that mean??? Yes it actually means I hate myself
The splits and the splits
To dig even deeper
I was looking for gemologists view on how to spot lab diamonds, and cams across a thumb nail of video of a guy making soyface and talk about lab diamonds. Two of my disgusts because they are both pop cult stuff ...
I couldn't help but click on it because I was so entertained by my disgust I wanted to investigate it
It turned out to be an actual really useful video so I'm glad I didn't let my judgement deter me
Then I wanted to investigate why I'm so disgusted by the Internet army of lab diamonds keyboard warriors, because as fanatic jewelry collector I've never encountered anyone like that in real life, and I was wondering why they are all online. Then I could just see it as an image of toxic rat race human race.
Then I realized the image of a jar, of compact rat race, some at the top some at the middle some at the bottom. Even if you are at the top you are still in a jar.
Being disgusted by others ego and pride is the same thing as being disgusted by my own ego and pride
I felt my disgust was that I only wanted to marry an unrealistically perfect husband who's super wealthy and handsome and somehow enlightened as well.
Seeing the internet cult of lab diamond follower is disgusting to me because it was being promoted and propaganda like the fkn serum injection of the convid days... That I need to join the mainstream cult ...
I dont want to marry some average dude who's not proposing me with anything less than my maladaptive day dreaming type two a twenty carat top workmanship engagement ring. And suggesting anything other than that is ok is almost bursting my hope of being healed and loved and valued.
I could also see the self loathing on that cult, having to bash the opposite and try to shout louder to beat the opposite but the same side... Quite compatible to the vaxxed vs truthers, the left vs right and list goes on.
It's disgusting to wake up from my own toxicity.
I e. You go to the lavatory to defecate the feces come out of your body but you don't want to ingest it back
But it's just a cycle.
I am also quite disgusted by the yoga cult because it's so mainstream and yucky just like the lab diamond cult.
I see similarities
Between the not able to get natural diamonds so have to bash it, and not athletic enough to do circus and gymnastics enough to make a spiritual ego out of yoga, yoga is all about feeling good and not wanting to feel pain which again trace back to my strong aversion towards mainstream spirituality of the whole spiritual bypass cult.
Also I've never seen the other way around much, I've never seen rich people with big natural diamonds make fun of poor people who can't afford it, I've never seen circus artists make fun of yoga people not being athletic enough, it's always the other way around some kind of inferior complex/ shortman syndrome/ small dogs bark a lot...
It makes me face the selfworth AND shame that is essentially in everyone .
I dislike the one who shoots the loudest because it's always from a sense of inferiority...
Another example would be "BLM" "transphobia" or whatever current thing is
It's so easy to get sucked into one
Nobody is immune to it including myself. Perpetually the ego and pride vs the shadow and shame. The split is a hole within a whole. It just makes me feel nauseous because I'm also part of it.
Yet there's nothing I could do other than love the pain and enjoy the ride
It's also same feeling as when I wake up with panic attacks knowing that I'm stuck in samsara but can't get out, however precisely it's because I want to get out I'm sucked in. It also doesn't work the other way around if I look it as already in nirvana there's no growth and healing in everlasting peace either.
Yes the middle way is always neutral and now. It's easy to say extremely hard to do.
I feel the disgust other than the vomiting sensation from my stomach is on the left side of the neck where I have a bump of knot, it wouldn't go away with messages or treatment or any physical chiropractice it's just stuck there. I associate that pain of throat chakra blockage with being socially ostracized, bullied at school and anxiety in public. It's that division of me against the world. I would feel physically sick and migraine and start feeling dizzy and nauseous into dissociation fugue.
It's quite a sickening feeling to know I'm not acceptable by the world outside.
Disgust could also be jealous? I'm not sure?
This guy an actor I worked with who got into mainstream stardom, I felt like he was so rude and disrespectful to me so I never liked him and also I really consider him ugly physically, you can't even pay me to sleep with him. Yet somehow he was accepted to mainstream so I get so disgusted Everytime I see his posters of movies or get talked about because I feel like I could or should be me instead but mainstream has such tacky taste.
So it secretly implied to me I'm worse than someone I despise? That's why I feel disgusted? I'm not sure
I feel disgust might also be related to shame
I'm gonna go back to the analogy of taking a shkt again
Shit is disgusting, I can't believe it came out of my body so I'm ashamed and it must be because I'm disgusting that's why my body shitsuit produced it?!
Why am I constantly surrounded by disgusting men if I'm not disgusting myself?
Why do I always get injured by trauma if I didn't attract it or deserve it?
It must be me
So shame - low self worth - disgust - anger - resentment - separation - split - dissociation fugue is all related on the same tangent
When I was younger I used to say my favorite movie was shutter Island and similar psycho thrill movies, now I know why. I loved it that waking up from the dissociation the enemy or something I disowned and escape from is just my past and my trauma.

This happened a while ago at a time where dating was the main focus in my life. One of the relevant lessons I learnt was, shooting your shot, you get to experience having dates or being in relationship with people completely out of your league but accepting rejection is also the package deal. Accepting rejection is not just going away or telling yourself "at least I tried" it is also not letting it affect your self-esteem or the jovial mood you're in because you could meet your future partner on the same day.
Well, me & my friends went to an informal event, had some drinks, listened to the music....but there was this person in the corner that caught my eye. Beautiful, enjoying the music & she was with her friends(all guys), I wanted to meet her. Usually when I meet women, i just say Hi & based on the reaction, I either just leave or make a joke on myself. As the conversation goes on, I continue to observe the reaction, if they start putting effort to get to know me, great! If not, it is time to meet new people.
In this specific situation, I met the friends instead & joined the circle she was in. The first guy, he turned out to be an amazing person, we pursue similar field & he can hold a great conversation. The second guy then introduced himself. In my head, I was surprised by how great these people were but I couldn't help notice how mesmerizing she was every time my eye catches her. I do not know what my drunk self was telling them but they all had given me their attention & the third guy had his arm wrapped around my shoulder. It felt like they're my friends; she was the only one I didn't talk to. It was then she came forward, held both my hands & said "let's dance." It was the first time I sustained an eye contact with her but I just leaned and said "No, sorry! I have a girlfriend" I remember how she walked back & that was the only I conversation I had with her. I said bye to them & I left the place. I didn't even have a girlfriend & the odd thing was I felt great about the experience.
After a few months passed, I was with my friends enjoying a small live music & some hot girl came & asked "can I kiss you?" That feeling came back not because I was not interested in her but because it felt "great" to reject. I did not proceed to reject her. In the days after, I reflected on myself if I was mirroring the ways I am rejected. No, I never internalized rejections, infact my problem was keeping a relationship for more than 3 months, because I prefer meeting a new person every other week. I never initiated exclusivity discussion to keep plausible deniability...at least in my head. I have seen people at gatherings laugh at a person after turning down the greeting & the person leaving. Maybe being desired in front of your peers feels good? I do not know their reason but I always thought I never wanted to be like them or to make sure to avoid them as partners. But the lines are blurry now, I was not different after all, rejecting a person to boost my self-esteem & feel desired in such a way left a morally sour taste on me. I have learnt to see the difference between genuine rejection for reasons you don't need to give any explanations for & rejection- just for the love of it.

The outbreak of honest-to-God zombies was a decade ago, lasted eight years, and of course when it was over it was all about getting back to how things were. Well not exactly as they’d been before. But the US Dollar? Re-established. Stock market? One of the first priorities as you’d expect. Public assistance for people like me? Ones who went through hell? Starved, suffered, and socially damaged? Nope. “Lots of new jobs available,” they’d say.
Sociologists, or what remained of them, argued it was probably a bad idea to bring back shopping malls so quickly. My personal theory is some idiot who was able to prove kinship and ownership rights to some dumb fuck like… I don’t know… Zuckerberg? Did he survive the outbreak? I haven’t checked. Well, I think he found some others like him, and gathered them together, and spoke in the ears of just the right people to explain how easy it would be to do. And how, sure their deeds, and words, and whatever urine they pissed all over their “property” meant fuck all when dealing with the thousands of zombie squatters over several years. Yet, the zombies were gone, and they remained so let’s get them what they’re owed. No, the Sociologists suggested we start with robust public services. Somehow, the new United States Congress had their first act decided on a bill written to say all prior property rights stood, and associated laws for inheritance. You know what I inherited? Jack shit. Those deeds were nowhere to be found.
After living eight years sleeping most nights in cold wet grass under a bush or huddled next to a tree and clamping my own mouth shut to stop my teeth chattering or my whimpering in the night from drawing one of them close. I was to be expected to go back to work like nothing had happened. Like I didn’t watch my friends and family, and the random romances over the years starve, bleed out, or bite each other into oblivion. Oh, sure there were groups, and settlements, and old office buildings to squat in hiding from other bigger groups. I won’t say they weren’t better. They most definitely were. Somehow didn’t make them feel too great, but I must tell you there is nothing like the smell of musty dry carpet when you’re used to dirt and dew.
There was one time during the outbreak years that I don’t like to think about. It was early on. Maybe two years in? I’d been with a group I met in Tigard. They weren’t great people. But they were survivors. And I guess so was I. Well, we knocked over this smaller settlement once. The plan was to just go in and out. Threaten if needed. But there was a dozen of us, and four of them. Someone found a safe, though. And suddenly the guy leading the “operation” was waking up the sleeping people we were there to rob. And he held them hostage asking who knew the safe code. Once he found out who it was, he killed the rest.
“We only need the one with the code, and the rest would just come after us.” Cold as hell… or whatever. He got the code out of that guy and shot him too. You know what was in the safe? Property deeds! The people I was with used it for kindling. If only they’d known…
Anyway, the whole point of this rant is that now after living through that, I’m back working retail. Yes, retail! The good news is that though I worked retail in a shopping mall, it was an outdoor one. And in more good news, video games have made a comeback. Though, it’s mostly collectors who found surviving copies of preoutbreak games. I’ve spent my fair share as well. You know, I used to love video games like Call of Duty Black Ops II, or the Last of Us. But now? Fuck. That. Shit. I’d much rather a copy of Stardew Valley, or Sims. Any day of the week. And, yeah, I am no exception. Anyway, that’s how a copy of Kingdom Hearts 2.8 became the shop’s treasured game. Not even the one with the first two games. The one with a glorified preview, and an up-scaled handheld game.
Oh, and good fucking luck finding a PS5. That shit is $25k at least. Huh… I suppose I should address one thing that is rather different. Well, when we re-established the US, they went and reminted serialized American currency they decided to treat the whole period of the outbreak like a market crash. I suppose there is technically some truth to that, but all that really means is that the US took on a TON of debt retroactively to so of the most powerful countries that also have re-emerged. All that equals a LOT of inflation. And working PS5s are quite rare. Hence the price.
Well, I was working the other night, it was about 20 minutes to close. Had to go over and re-alphabetize the different sections. What’s funny is that since the used games we purvey in are so rare, it doesn’t take long. There’s like… ten games on the walls to alphabetize. At the same time, though, that almost made it worse when it was out of order, you know? After finishing up there, I caught some movement out of the glass door, and I saw something that made my blood run cold.
Three teenagers in torn clothing, and one bleeding and limping, but all three going full speed toward the door. They were running, and to me it looked like they were running from something. I pushed the door open and silently motioned them over to the door. When hiding in a formerly… I guess it’s not formerly anymore. But when you are dealing with a zombie outbreak, you learn to be quiet anywhere that was heavily populated.
My boss asked what I was doing before they got to the door and I glared hard and quietly shushed him. Derek was my boss, and the guy must have lived through his own bullshit because he got the picture right away. Behind the three teens, I thought I saw some movement in the dark. To be honest, I never stop feeling anxious and like I can see figures running at me from in the dark. Regardless I frantically waved them over, and finally after holding my breath and darting my eyes all over to see other movement, they reached me. I pulled them inside, closed the door, locked it, and reached up for the old metal gate. I used to use them all the time when hiding from zombies chasing me down. I snapped a nail in half snatching for the gate handle one time. Didn’t even notice until my breath slowed after I’d latched it. We never used it since the outbreak was done. It was rusty as hell and would get stuck. This time, my adrenaline had me pull it straight down with a sickening wrenching sound. I cringed sure that whatever zombies were chasing these kids, or people…
It really did seem like the zombies were coming back. Or were back. I could have sworn… well, it doesn’t matter really. When I asked the teens if they were chased by biters, they laughed at me, pulled out a gun and told me no. This was a robbery, there was no one chasing them. That’s when I realized I was suck being held up by three armed teens, and Derek was the manager. Meaning Derek knew the safe code, and not me.

Apparel: 🧢👒🎩
Brahmin Faschnat Mask
Weapons: 🔫🔪
——Railways:
AA/50L/15RD
AA/50C/250drwr
B/50C/15RD
TS/25FF15RD
Q/25a/1a
—-Fixer:
AA/25FF25AP
B/E/15VCC
B/15ap/25ap
B/ff-90rw
AA/E/1A
AA/E
AA/50VHC/50BS
AA/50vhc/-90rw
I/25FF15VCC
Exec/25AIM/25AP
Troubleshooters/50c/25ap
Troubleshooters/E/25ap
Q/50L/250dr
Q/15ap/rw
V/50c/15vcc
V/25a/25ap
V/50c/50bs
Stalk/50c/25ap
AA/50vhc/1p
Ass/25a/25ap
Exec/15ap/25ap
Exec/50vhc/25ap
Exec/50vhc/15vcc
TS/25a/50dr
Jug/50vhc/15vcc
——Elders Mark:
Jug/e/15rd
B/ff50bs
Q/E/15Vcc
AA/Ff15vc
J/50C/15RD
Troubleshooters/50c/50bs
——Enclave Rifles, Flamers, Pistols:
AA/25a/25ap Pistol
B/50c/25ap Aligned auto, calibrated capacitor,forceful stock w/reflex
N/25a/50bs Stabilized short rifle w/reflex
V/25a/25ap Aligned Auto w/reflex sight
V/50VHC/50BS Pistol
Q/50VHC/1P Aligned Sniper Rifle
M/25FF25AP Auto Rifle w/ Reflex Sight
J/25FF25AP Pistol
B/50C/1P Auto Rifle w/ Reflex Sight
Bers/25FF50BS Aligned Auto Rifle
Aris/50bash/1a Aligned Flamer Rifle
AA/50Limb/25AP Pistol
TS/ff-90 pistol
TS/50c/-90 pistol with stabilized stock
——Mini-gun:
Ass/25aim/-90
——Gatling:
Ass/e/-90
——.50 Cal:
TS/FF250DR
——Gatling plasma:
V/50c/15vc
——LMG:
Q/50vhc/15vc
Jug/ff15vc
——10mm Sub:
B/50c/15rd
——Combat Shotgun:
B/50c/15rd
Q/50c/15rd
——Lever Action:
Q/E/25AP
Jug/Ff50Bs
——Lasers:
Q/50C/25AP (lvl35)
——Combat Rifle:
Jug/50c/15rd
J/50c/25Ap
——Pump Shotgun:
AA/50c/15rd
——Pipe Bolt Action:
AA/50vhc/15rd
——Security Baton:
B/50c/25ap
——Bowie Knife:
B/40ws/1s
——Knuckles:
F/40ws/1s
Armors:🛡️
——Combat:
Autostim/25rad/doctors heavy right arm
Bols/5ap sturdy chest
——Urban Scout:
Uny/1s/AWR Chest
Uny/1S/energy
Uny/1L/JWR
Autostim/25rad/Cav right leg
Bols/1L/AWR left arm
Bols/7ex/WWR right arm
Cham/1intel/improved sneaking left leg
Van/7ex/doctors left leg
——Forest Scout:
Uny/1L/AWR Chest
Uny/1E/fire
Van/25rad/improved sneak Chest
Van/1intel/posion left arm
Ass/5ap/electrified left arm
——Trappers:
OE/7ex/50bs Chest
——Metal:
Uny/1L/poison light left arm
OE/25fire/Burning sturdy left arm
Van/25fire/rad recovery heavy right arm
Van/5ap/Sent heavy right arm
Van/1s/cav sturdy right leg
——Leather:
Uny/5ap/Cav light left arm
Uny/25poison/jwr sturdy right leg
Van/1P/Cav light left arm
Cham/1Intel/25improved sneak sturdy right arm
Cham/1s/AWR light right arm
——Marine:
Aris/25rad/FDC Chest
Aris/1L/Sent Left Leg
Ass/1A/Jwr Right Arm
Regen/glutton/WWR Right Arm
Van/5ap/15rld Right Leg
Power Armors:🛡️🔋
——Ultracite:
OE/25fire/FDC Chest
Aris/5ap/JWR left arm
Autostim/7ex/AWR left arm
Bols/1E/ JWR right leg
Noc/1intel/Sent left leg
Regen/5ap/Cav left arm
Enclave Mods:👨‍🔬
Aligned Flamer (2x)
Aligned Short (2x)
Aligned Sniper (1x)
Aligned splitter (3x)
Calibrated Capacitor (3x)
Gamma Wave Emmiter (1x)
Sever Beta Wave Tuner (2x)
Vicious Capacitor (2x)
Precise Stock (2x)
Stabilized Stock (1x)
➕Various other true and stabilized mods (Just Ask)

Age: 23 Sex: Female Height: 5’4 Weight: 170 something Race: White Duration of complaint: Unsure what this means, if it means how long this has been happening 3 years. Location: California Any existing relevant medical issues: before this I was completely healthy Current medications: inhaler
Backstory: So about 3 years ago the ceiling of my old house caved and fell on me while I was in the shower and it was filled with asbestos and black mold. After that, I started having slight sinus issues and a coughing problem but it wasn’t too serious. Skip to last year, I was living in this horrible slum lord rental and (skip the long story) started getting severely sick (which is rare because I literally never get sick and when I do it’s small then over in a week). At first I was coughing up an uncomfortable amount of the most thickest nasty ass neon green/yellow mucus, and then it became this series of different shit to come out of my throat. Sometimes it was this weird orange brown liquidy mucus, pure liquid that tasted like acid and burned, mucus with this weird cream and tan brown color, literal fully solid rock feeling type of things that were dark brown and black, and throughout all that there was days it would be straight red and black. I started to become unable to breathe from the slightest activity and even walking to the bathroom would land me in a severe attack that would hospitalize me. It became a weekly visit for me. Come to find out the ENTIRE place was infested with black mold , and I’m an agoraphobic, I rarely leave the house, so I was just there festering in it.
The medical system where I live is complete trash. They lie so they don’t have to do their job and shit. So I was told each hospital visit that I was fine, it was just allergies. But after I was able to get approved to see my full medical records, I find out there’s a 3cm lesion in the upper nodule of my left lung, I was coughing so hard I ended up fracturing a few ribs, and something called dissension above my larynx. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with my close relationship to the mold of my life lol but seeming as though I was healthy before that ceiling and then got worse at this new mold house it’s the only thing I can think of. I’ve left the other place now too and I live somewhere mold free, and since i have drastically improved but I still feel like I literally can’t breathe on one side of my throat if that makes sense and my coughing attacks about 2-4 hours every day where I cough up the arrangement of neutral rainbows.
Please if anyone knows anything at all let me know please so I can get back to my old self again and out this depression my sickness has put me in. Thanks.

Apparel: 🧢👒🎩
Brahmin Faschnat Mask
Weapons: 🔫🔪
——Railways:
AA/50L/15RD
AA/50C/250drwr
B/50C/15RD
TS/25FF15RD
Q/25a/1a
—-Fixer:
AA/25FF25AP
B/E/15VCC
B/15ap/25ap
B/ff-90rw
AA/E/1A
AA/E
AA/50VHC/50BS
AA/50vhc/-90rw
I/25FF15VCC
Exec/25AIM/25AP
Troubleshooters/50c/25ap
Troubleshooters/E/25ap
Q/50L/250dr
Q/15ap/rw
V/50c/15vcc
V/25a/25ap
V/50c/50bs
Stalk/50c/25ap
AA/50vhc/1p
Ass/25a/25ap
Exec/15ap/25ap
Exec/50vhc/25ap
Exec/50vhc/15vcc
TS/25a/50dr
Jug/50vhc/15vcc
——Elders Mark:
Jug/e/15rd
B/ff50bs
Q/E/15Vcc
AA/Ff15vc
J/50C/15RD
Troubleshooters/50c/50bs
——Enclave Rifles, Flamers, Pistols:
AA/25a/25ap Pistol
B/50c/25ap Aligned auto, calibrated capacitor,forceful stock w/reflex
N/25a/50bs Stabilized short rifle w/reflex
V/25a/25ap Aligned Auto w/reflex sight
V/50VHC/50BS Pistol
Q/50VHC/1P Aligned Sniper Rifle
M/25FF25AP Auto Rifle w/ Reflex Sight
J/25FF25AP Pistol
B/50C/1P Auto Rifle w/ Reflex Sight
Bers/25FF50BS Aligned Auto Rifle
Aris/50bash/1a Aligned Flamer Rifle
AA/50Limb/25AP Pistol
TS/ff-90 pistol
TS/50c/-90 pistol with stabilized stock
——Mini-gun:
Ass/25aim/-90
——Gatling:
Ass/e/-90
——.50 Cal:
TS/FF250DR
——Gatling plasma:
V/50c/15vc
——LMG:
Q/50vhc/15vc
Jug/ff15vc
——10mm Sub:
B/50c/15rd
——Combat Shotgun:
B/50c/15rd
Q/50c/15rd
——Lever Action:
Q/E/25AP
Jug/Ff50Bs
——Lasers:
Q/50C/25AP (lvl35)
——Combat Rifle:
Jug/50c/15rd
J/50c/25Ap
——Pump Shotgun:
AA/50c/15rd
——Pipe Bolt Action:
AA/50vhc/15rd
——Security Baton:
B/50c/25ap
——Bowie Knife:
B/40ws/1s
——Knuckles:
F/40ws/1s
Armors:🛡️
——Combat:
Autostim/25rad/doctors heavy right arm
Bols/5ap sturdy chest
——Urban Scout:
Uny/1s/AWR Chest
Uny/1S/energy
Uny/1L/JWR
Autostim/25rad/Cav right leg
Bols/1L/AWR left arm
Bols/7ex/WWR right arm
Cham/1intel/improved sneaking left leg
Van/7ex/doctors left leg
——Forest Scout:
Uny/1L/AWR Chest
Uny/1E/fire
Van/25rad/improved sneak Chest
Van/1intel/posion left arm
Ass/5ap/electrified left arm
——Trappers:
OE/7ex/50bs Chest
——Metal:
Uny/1L/poison light left arm
OE/25fire/Burning sturdy left arm
Van/25fire/rad recovery heavy right arm
Van/5ap/Sent heavy right arm
Van/1s/cav sturdy right leg
——Leather:
Uny/5ap/Cav light left arm
Uny/25poison/jwr sturdy right leg
Van/1P/Cav light left arm
Cham/1Intel/25improved sneak sturdy right arm
Cham/1s/AWR light right arm
——Marine:
Aris/25rad/FDC Chest
Aris/1L/Sent Left Leg
Ass/1A/Jwr Right Arm
Regen/glutton/WWR Right Arm
Van/5ap/15rld Right Leg
Power Armors:🛡️🔋
——Ultracite:
OE/25fire/FDC Chest
Aris/5ap/JWR left arm
Autostim/7ex/AWR left arm
Bols/1E/ JWR right leg
Noc/1intel/Sent left leg
Regen/5ap/Cav left arm
Enclave Mods:👨‍🔬
Aligned Flamer (2x)
Aligned Short (2x)
Aligned Sniper (1x)
Aligned splitter (3x)
Calibrated Capacitor (3x)
Gamma Wave Emmiter (1x)
Sever Beta Wave Tuner (2x)
Vicious Capacitor (2x)
Precise Stock (2x)
Stabilized Stock (1x)
➕Various other true and stabilized mods (Just Ask)

hey everyone! me again 😂 my dexcom has been reading a bit closer to my actual levels but not spot on yet. work in progress! any ways! i have mine placed on the underside of my left arm. it's my non dominant and i didn't wanna bump it if i used my right arm. issue is. i'm a side sleeper and keep getting compression lows that wake me up every hour through the night 🙃 i saw someone had it on the top of their thigh? I think. anyways, where's a good place to not get compression lows but is still fatty enough? i'm very small and don't have a ton of fat, but honestly, i feel i'd be more comfortable with it on my stomach or my leg somewhere! i'm willing to try lol!! anyways, thanks for always giving great advice and thanks in advance for any replies to this!💗

In a Bible study, someone said to me that Christians should be joyful. It is the fruit of the spirit to be joyful. And since I feel nothing, I must not be a true believer. This struck me. And I have thought a lot about it. After being diagnosed with major depressive disorder and seeking help through regular medication and exercise, I have brief moments that taste a feeling of anything. But ever since having that accident at my work, having been exposed to dangerous amounts of noise that caused my ears to ring since my parents forced me to work as a teenager on a boiler room, ans having several narcissistic bosses scheme to save money by having me automate my work and fire me instead of keeping a promise to find a senior role or a role to overlook operations, I took a corporate job and went so cold. I used to be vegan because I cared about animals. But working until 9 PM, I gave up on morality and thought of ethics. I ate fast food, gained lots of weight, lost it with improvement to health, but I have deep wrinkles in my face and hands. I feel broken.
Today I laid about. I had completed another certification exam. I was promised an invitation to conference. These are good things? They made me feel nothing. I didn't care about the conference, the certification that I spent a month studying for, etc.
I wrote to a Linux board about a UX bug. They downvoted me. Not the saddest thing -- but it made me think, what am I doing here? I hate tech. I hate my job. I hate it. The awards mean nothing.
It seems easy to assume quitting my job could make me happy. But I'm afraid it won't. I'm afraid I'm broken.

• 36 Years old, married, no kids
  
• 500K Combined income with wife (this will fluctuate with RSUs) and I can see myself leaving in a few years so this will drop to like 350ish.
  
• 665K in 401K (maxed contributions for both of us)
  
• 50K in cash (4.15% with capital one)
  
• 488K in stocks (lot of ETFs and individual stocks)
  
• 50K in crypto
  
• 30K in an investment home with another couple (60K in total), it's netting ~10K a year plus payments to principal 243K left on mortgage @3.4%
  
• 13K in HSA (maxed per year)
  
• 7K in backdoor ira
  
• 450K House with about 140K of equity into the home (2100 / month with taxes, insurance, mortgage) 323K left on the mortgage @3.45%
  
• No car payments
  
• CC is paid off each month 6-8K on groceries, going out to eat on weekends, personal trainer, etc.
  

401K, FSAs and HSAs are maxed and we don't qualify for Roth IRAs for pretax.
I am targeting retiring by 55 and should be able to get by with 3.5M. if I stick at my current job for a few years I'll likely burn myself out but might be able to retire sooner. Anyways looking to hear thoughts on other investment areas.

I lost a person I love dearly. She broke up with me on Valentine's Day. And although my friends and family called her toxic because she had done things in the past that hurt me, I still love her. And although I know it's wrong, I still do.
I went to school again, due to the company I work for having ties to that Uni. I basically had a six sigma course. Work stuff. But the point is, I walked. And my mind imagined our old scenes. I remembered every detail vividly.
I saw the grassy field where she declared every A had an O (every her had one me). I saw the spot where we took pictures together. I saw the bench where we first sat and talked. I found our spot, the one on the second floor that rarely had people around, so we could just sit and talk.
I even imagined the stage where she and I graduated the year before.
In my delusion and pain, I sat on the field I previously mentioned, and found the stones we drew faces on.
This all hurts me, because I remember everything. Every pretty memory of her (good and bad), still exist. The one that cracks my soul was her dream. The one she told me when we first met.
I want to get married when I turn 25.
I wanted to make that dream a reality. I saved, and worked hard. I had a few thousand saved by that point, and was almost done saving for the ring. I was later planning on where to propose.
She was born in november, and loves japan. Her nickname was pinky also, so I thought that proposing under sakura blooms would have been the perfect proposal.
I saved and saved, even got a guaranteed promotion by the end of the year.
But she left me.
Her dream, which also became my own, died on Valentine's Day.
She then told me that I was already replaced.
I wont lie, a part of me wants to die.
I feel not only abandoned, but worthless. My effort, my affection, years of companionship, and a future I admittedly yearned for, all gone. Not in a blaze, but in a whimper of a text message.

I know it sounds morbid but it’s only been 4 months and I haven’t been able to let him go. I put him in the mini deep freezer. It just feels right to keep him close to me. He’s in the box they put him in at the vet. I bought flowers the week after and layed them all over him. Beautiful yellow flowers that would’ve made him happy. It just looks like he’s sleeping. Wrapped in his favorite blanket.
I might have to move soon. I obviously won’t be able to take him in the deep freezer. If it was a close location, I would risk it and bring the freezer with me.
I don’t feel ready to let him go. To burn his sweet precious little body. To let go of what I have left. His ashes might break me. No more will his little body be. The one that I’ve loved so much since I got him 8 years ago.
Everyone always said he’s such a handsome boy. How can I part with him? Even if I had the money to bury him, how can I let him go already? I wanted more time but I’m also afraid that in a few months I still won’t be ready.
I don’t open his box and look at him. I did before it hurt. But knowing he’s there, like he always was, it helps so much.

My wife and I have been married for 4 years, together for 6 years. We met while she was dating another guy. We met through a mutual friend and hung out in a group setting for a couple of weeks. Apparently, her and her bf at the time weren’t doing too well and they both understood they wouldn’t stay together. Her and I began hanging out not long after they broke up. We didn’t take things fast. I had been in relationships in the past that left me feeling insecure, so I wanted to be sure I could trust my next girlfriend. She also wanted to take things slow. We hung out for a few months until we decided that we actually wanted to start dating.
We date for a couple of years and then we end up getting married. We developed a trusting relationship where we each hung out with other people and neither one of us really worried about what the other was doing.
Fast forward another year and we have a kid. End up having 2 in all. Between work and having a family, we don’t have much free time with friends anymore.
A few weeks ago, we go to a wedding. This coworker of hers gets married and invites a lot of people from her work. My wife is really good friends with another female coworker. Her coworker has been dating her bf for 6 years, and my wife is has told me she is trying to convince him to marry her. So at this wedding my wife gets drunk (she rarely drinks) and goes over to their table and starts talking to her best friend’s bf. At first I didn’t care. I was having a good time and trying to talk to the people at my table. I look back over at the table she’s at, and she is touching his shoulder. I still didnt really care. But then she starts whispering in his ear. I could tell but it also looks like she might have rested her hand in his lap. She must have been talking to him for 20 mins. All the while, his gf is sitting like 2 or 3 seats away from him, so she’s not really paying attention. Then 2 girls from her table come over to mine and start whispering about my wife. I didn’t try to listen or ask what they were talking about. I got upset and walked away to use the restroom. I walked back out after and went up to my wife and her best friend’s bf to let her know I was tired and wanted to go home (it was about 9:30pm and had been up since 6am). They both were like she’s trying to get me to propose. I said I wanted to leave and just walked away.
My wife thinks I blew up and am crazy. I told her I feel like she disrespected our marriage by getting touching over another guy and whispering in his ear. She said she was only telling him to marry his gf. But it’s no secret that she wants them to get married, so I asked why she had to whisper then. It’s not like her best friend could hear them (we were outside and people were talking loudly). She then said she didn’t remember it and tried to brush it off. Also denied touching him.
The thing is, when she drinks, she gets loose and gets really intimate with me. I saw it as she was drunk and getting too close to this guy. I told her how it made me feel and she said it wouldn’t happen again.
A week later she left her old phone in our room. I see that a female coworker of hers texted a single cat face emoji and my wife responded “no”. No other context really. The thing is, is that my wife has told me that when she drinks, she gets attracted to females. And that she has hooked up with a girl (made out) before (long before I met her). This simple text exchange happened while my wife and this girl were at work. My wife wasn’t drunk at the time, and this text exchange happened a while ago. I asked her what it meant and she said nothing and just laughed. I can’t help but think it’s sexual in nature though. I think between the incident at the wedding and the weird text between her and that coworker has me guessing how loyal she is to this marriage.

Previous Posts
Grayson kept his promise and came over to talk with me. He arrived after classes for both of us were done for the day. It also meant that Cassie was home and this time, she didn’t vanish into her bedroom to give us privacy. She waited until we were both seated in the living room and Titanosaur was settled in Grayson’s lap, thereby preventing him from escaping.
Please don’t read too much into that, as I’ve said before Titanosaur has like three brain cells and will sit in literally anyone’s lap. Our landlady sent her husband over to fix the leaking faucet in the bathroom and Titan was trying to climb in his lap while the poor guy was sitting there with half his body inside of a cabinet.
Then Cassie came over, carrying a chair from the kitchen, and also seated herself with us. I glanced at Grayson. He looked dismayed, but was hiding it well in an effort to be polite. I decided to lean into my non-confrontational side and not ask her to leave.
“You’ve been acting a bit out of character lately,” I began delicately. “As a friend, I’m worried about you.”
“And I’m worried too,” Cassie added. “Maybe you don’t think of me as a friend, but you’ve been hanging out around Ashley enough that I consider you one of mine.”
Huh. I wasn’t expecting that, to be honest. I thought Cassie didn’t like him. I don’t think she was lying, either.
“Have you considered getting grief counseling?” she continued.
Straight to the point. I was glad Cassie was there. My plan was to tiptoe delicately around the subject for what probably would have been another 500 words worth of dialogue here in this post I’m writing up. Fortunately, Cassie’s willingness to address a problem directly saved me the typing and you the tedium.
“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t,” Grayson said. “The university doesn’t know he’s gone yet.”
“Who is running this place?” Cassie asked in amazement.
I know. We’ve all been thinking it. Turns out the answer is ‘there’s a board’ and they make all the real decisions. The president is just a figurehead. Which is pretty obvious if you stop and think about it. I wanted to ask if the flickering man reported to the board but I also didn’t want to derail the conversation with things that really didn’t matter anymore. It’s safer to just assume the board is the administration I’ve been wondering about this whole time. Heck, it’s safer to assume everyone except for the students and professors are responsible in some part for the whole monster situation.
Sorry for not finding out for certain, but Grayson was working through some important stuff and I didn’t dare interrupt.
“I don’t want counseling, either,” he continued. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I never cared for him. Not in a familial sense. My presence was more to fill a role.”
Things were starting to connect in my head. This conversation reminded me of some things the flickering man had said. Roles to be filled. A cycle, ushering in new students to fill them. They’d been filling the president’s role with a corpse - a very old one, judging by the date on the photo Cassie took of the headstone - so perhaps that wasn’t the only role being filled.
“Were you adopted?” I asked. “By the president?”
“I was.”
Beside me, Cassie took a deep breath. It wasn’t from shock. It sounded more like… annoyance. If I’m being generous with the term.
“The flickering man said something to me,” I said slowly. “That I wasn’t the first person he’d seen like this and I wouldn’t be the last. Are you… not the only child that the president has adopted?”
“...I’m not.”
This is the point where Cassie just lost it. Stood up, yelled ‘why the fuck didn’t you tell us any of this?!’ and stormed out of the room. She slammed the door to her bedroom shut behind her. Grayson and I sat there in the living room for a good minute, stunned, listening to what I’m 99% certain was Cassie screaming into her pillow. Then the door opened and she returned to calmly sit down on the sofa again.
“I’m good,” she said. “All better. Please continue.”
The details of the conversation get a little fuzzy at this point, as it seems that even though the forgetter is gone I’m still having memory issues. Unfortunately Grayson was right - it wasn’t the forgetter that was responsible for my particular variety of memory loss. There’s something else trying to protect Grayson.
I suspect the tree in the graveyard. Its roots have spread all over campus, after all.
Sorry to be so blase about this but it’s not actually that upsetting anymore. It’s just this thing we’re dealing with.
It’s a good thing Cassie was present for the rest of the conversation. She filled me in on the details later, after we’d confirmed that I had some significant gaps. Grayson explained a bit more about the whole adoption thing. He didn’t know who his birth parents were. He’d never been outside of this town and basically grew up on campus. This is all kind of recapping what we already knew or guessed at, but the adoption angle was new at least. I’d assumed that his dad had died and been replaced, which he had, except it wasn’t his dad at all and Grayson’s role as the son was being replaced over and over also.
Which is all kinds of fucked up.
It also means that this has been going on for generations and I think we all know why that’s rather alarming.
“What happened to the previous adopted kids?” I asked once we’d gotten through this rather confusing summary.
“They died.”
There was a heavy silence in the room.
“How?” I asked.
“Well… one drowned. Another suffocated.” He hesitated. “This is kind of why I’m reluctant to tell people I’m the president’s son.”
“Grayson, are you worried someone will try to kill you?” Cassie asked flatly.
“...yeah. I am, actually.”
Screaming into a pillow myself was starting to look pretty tempting.
Now I’m sure you’re all thinking what I was thinking at this point. If the university was just recycling the president’s corpse and finding new children to play the role of their child for… reasons??? then perhaps that was why the flickering man was interested in me. Perhaps I was Grayson’s replacement, as many of you have theorized.
I mean, it seems pretty suspicious. Grayson’s dad is getting his soul replaced on the regular - or at least, he was. Grayson himself is a replacement for prior Graysons but I guess since they don’t need an adult, they’re just grabbing any ol’ kid to fill the role for a while. But the former Graysons keep dying because the inhumans get him? Grayson has a lot of protection on campus but he’s not immune - I’ve watched him get attacked by the steam ghost in particular.
Which leads me to my own theory. If I am a replacement, I don’t fit the mold. Perhaps that’s why the flickering man hated me so much. I’m too old (legal adult yay) and… I’m not a son.
But I wanted to confirm some things.
We wrapped up the conversation with Grayson because we were running out of mental capacity to ask more questions. He was clearly uncomfortable and there was a lot to process. He did promise to not be so difficult about this in the future. He wasn’t really grieving. He was just… uncertain. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Which is fair. When you’re raised to fill a role and suddenly that role is gone it’s hard to adjust.
I know what that feels like.
After Grayson left I messaged Maria asking if she knew anyone that was good with a camera. Like, really good. And also good in high stress situations. She got back to me pretty quickly. Maria is starting to become one of those people who knows everyone. She’s heading firmly down the road of becoming the subject of one of those unhinged tumblr posts where someone magically summons an army of people to fulfill a task, while she stays on the sidelines quietly directing the ever-increasing chaos.
Fortunately, she’s not there quite yet, but she is freakishly well-connected for a campus of this size. Within an hour she had me in a group chat with someone from the Folklore Society who fit all my requirements, even the unspoken ones. Someone that was good with a camera in “hostile circumstances” (her words, very accurate) and wouldn’t cut and run the moment things got a little weird. I think you all see where I was going with this.
Yeah, we were going to get photos of something inhuman.
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
For starters, it’s not safe just getting close to an inhuman to photograph it. And once you do, that opens a whole new set of hazards. If the inhuman takes offense to being photographed, then they’re going to do anything they have to to get the photo destroyed and all rules are off the table when it comes to disguising their existence. Think of it like this - an inhuman might not be able to enter a house due to hospitality rules keeping them out, but this is weighed against their need to keep their presence obscured. The latter wins. Hospitality rules are no longer enough protection.
That’s my understanding, at least.
And sure, there are inhumans that don’t seem to care if a photo or two are leaked to the internet, but you have no way of knowing in advance. Let’s say you get lucky and nothing comes after you to destroy the phone/camera, computer, your social media accounts, and you. You’re not quite off the hook. That photo is a connection to the inhuman and if the creature captured in it doesn’t use it as an access point, something else might.
Photos are just a bad idea all around.
So we agreed that if we were going to go ahead with this stupid plan, we’d do so with as many safety measures as we could. First, the person taking the photo would be fully informed on the potential consequences. I was hoping that they could just teach Maria or I how to use a camera, but considering they were in the inner circle Folklore Society (what I’m calling the folks that know the monsters aren’t just stories) they wanted to come in person. I tried to talk them out of it, they finally made a snarky comment about if I wanted them to sign a waiver, and I dropped the topic.
Secondly, we were going to destroy both the photo and the camera afterwards. I got online and ordered the cheapest digital camera I could find. It was a camera designed for young children so it was pastel pink with teddy bears on it, but whatever, it was digital and didn’t cost over $30. The money from my job at the dining hall has helped with the finances but I didn’t particularly feel like lighting it on fire.
Especially since we planned to literally light the camera on fire when we were done. I wasn’t looking forward to the smell of burning plastic but fire is both a thorough and symbolically traditional way to dispose of things. Like I said, we were trying to do this as safely as we could.
The camera arrived the next day so we decided to go ahead with our plan that evening. Cassie would stay home because we felt having too many people might be a hindrance if we had to bail out. Also, she had “digital date night” with her girlfriend and I didn’t want to interfere.
Then we found a discreet entrance to the steam tunnels.
I wanted a photograph of the steam ghost. It had a face. I wanted to see what that face looked like.
I’d scouted out the steam tunnel entrances beforehand, while waiting for the burner (lol) camera to arrive. Last time I’d looked inside, they were clogged with roots. However, if the roots were originating from the graveyard, then perhaps the parts of campus that were farthest away would be clear enough to traverse. I got lucky and found an entrance inside of one of the dorms that’s out by the parking lot. The lobby is open and from there it’s easy enough to just coast into the stairwell behind someone with a keycard and then down into the basement. There were roots, but they hung from the ceiling as slender tendrils that brushed the top of my head like the faint touch of a moth. I didn’t go far inside. Just enough to confirm it didn’t get any worse and we had a long corridor free of obstruction.
When I came back, I had Maria and the photographer with me.
His name is Jacob and he’s a sophomore. He joined the Folklore Society because he realized he wasn’t making any attempts to be social, at college of all places, and picked a club that seemed like it would be small so he didn’t have to deal with crowds. Large groups of people intimidated him. I can certainly relate to that.
I feel bad for him. Imagine getting caught up in all this bullshit just because you had trouble making friends.
It also occurred to me that this photography excursion was also part of his attempt to make friends, because that’s what landed him in the group that had to hide from the thing in the hallway. Whatever. Maria can deal with that. She’s the extrovert.
“Let’s not forget the plan,” I said nervously as we gathered outside the door. “We get in. We get the photo. We run like hell back out the door.”
I’m happy to say that the plan worked. Every step. Swear to god.
We were about halfway to where the tunnel turned when the steam started to rise out of the ground around us. It seeped through the walls, filling our lungs and making it hard to breathe. The usual. We turned back at that point, as we wanted to be close to the exit so we could snap the photo and run once the steam ghost showed up.
The nice thing about inhumans is that they can be predictable. They have set rules they follow and so long as you follow the prescribed pattern of behavior, you know what to expect. This allows you to plan, as I’d done. So when we loitered within sprinting distance of the door, the steam ghost obliged to show up and chase us off.
Just as expected. And Jacob was ready with our pastel pink camera, so that when its face materialized out of the steam, mouth open in a silent scream and its misty hands stretched towards us, he was able to snap a photo.
Then we ran and reached the door before it caught up.
See? Exactly as planned.
There’s one more rule we learned about though. One that I’d forgotten to factor in for this crucial moment.
The doors in the steam tunnels don’t always open to the same place.
We tumbled through without thinking. I, pulling up the rear, had a moment of hesitation when I saw nothing but darkness ahead of me, but it was too late, I was in a full sprint and besides, Maria had already stumbled through the doorway. I slammed into Jacob’s back, propelling him the few steps he needed to be past the doorway, and then we were all through and the door slammed shut behind us.
The air was warm and damp. The steam tunnels, while warm, aren’t damp unless the steam ghost is present. This felt like being inside of a sauna. I could feel water beads forming on my arms, clinging to the hairs that were currently standing on end in alarm. There was a faint breeze coming from ahead of us, a slowly rhythmic flow to it like a fan. It did nothing to alleviate the heat. If anything, it was even warmer.
Maria turned her phone’s flashlight on.
We were in a corridor, much the same size as the tunnel we’d just escaped. The walls glistened with moisture, shining with the gray-pink color of rotting beef. There were no sharp angles, just a round passageway that vanished into darkness at the edge of Maria’s flashlight beam. The floor beneath our feet was slightly squishy.
And it was full of teeth.
Honestly I think I would have preferred sharp teeth, like an animal’s fangs or something out of science fiction. Instead, we got human incisors, circling the entirety of the tunnel in regular intervals.
The tunnel rippled. There was a faint gurgling sound, like the rumbling of a stomach twisting in hunger. And those rows of teeth began to tighten as the tunnel constricted around us.
“STEAM GHOST,” Maria yelled. “I CHOOSE THE STEAM GHOST.”
And she threw the door behind us open and dove back into the tunnel. Jacob grabbed my arm and dragged me along with him, as I was frozen in fear, staring at all those glistening ivory teeth. I stumbled over the doorframe and fell forwards, hitting the cement floor hard on all fours. I heard the door slam shut behind me. Frantically, I looked up at the tunnel.
No ghost. But the steam was still there, hanging heavy in the air and filling my lungs. The ghost would be back. I was certain of that.
“What now?!” Jacob asked, his earlier calm quickly giving way to panic.
“Try the door again!” I said, scrambling to my feet. “It changes!”
Maria spun around and opened the door a sliver for the second time, just enough to peer through the crack and confirm what was on the other side.
“FUCK.”
Then she slammed it shut. Opened it. Another burst of profanity, slightly more panicked than the last explicative. Meanwhile, Jacob and I cowered at her back, staring at the steam that hung thick in the air all around us, waiting to see if it was going to reform into a malevolent spirit while Maria played Russian roulette with the door.
She did this five times before she finally got the dorm we’d entered through.
Flushed and panting, we stumbled through and Jacob kicked the door to the steam tunnels shut with a determined flourish. There. We’d done it. As I’d said, our plan went perfectly. We got the photo and ran like hell to the door.
Didn’t plan on what happened after we went through the door. This is my lack of attention to detail coming into play, which is probably what also made me a shitty barista.
We crowded around Jacob to see the photo he got. This is why we recruited someone with actual photography skills. He was able to use a truly shitty camera intended for toddlers to somehow focus on a literal ghost’s face in the handful of seconds we had before it reached us, all while not panicking.
Staring at us from the tiny screen was a person’s face. Not a face made of steam. An actual flesh and blood human face. The rest of the shot was obscured by steam, framing it so that all we could see was this disembodied human face staring out at us from the camera’s digital screen. The expression was placid, the eyes hollow and devoid of emotion.
I’d seen this look before, on the library ghost. This distant stare of something that wasn’t wholly here.
“That is… really creepy,” Jacob said.
“We just escaped a hallway full of teeth and this is what you find creepy?” I said.
“No, that was creepy too. I can be terrified by multiple things at once.”
We all stared at the photo for a good few minutes, trying to commit the face to memory because we were not going to retain any copies of it. Then Jacob deleted the photo, handed me the camera, and we awkwardly went our separate ways.
I got out my phone as soon as we’d all walked off. My theory was looking plausible, but there was one more thing I could do to confirm I was on the right track.
I texted Grayson. I asked him if the children before him, the ones the president adopted, were all male.
They were.
The library ghost. The stabbed student. And now… the steam ghost.
All former students. All male. All trapped on campus after their deaths.
And for at least two of them, they seemed to have something against Grayson.
They don’t like Grayson because he replaced them.

Female, age 33. 69kgs, formally 168kgs (minibypass) Current dxs: CRPS left knee, osteoarthris left knee (getting partial replacment later in year). Raynauds.
For some reason for the past few days i have had an increase in bodily pins and needles, even after short periods of pressure on a joint, eg leaning on my arms. Pins and needles isnt new to me. But this has developed to a constantly numb and cold left outer foot and pinkie toe. Initially it was my shin too but feeling has returned there. I also have Raynauds, there seems to be an increase in this too with me waking up with symptoms. Any ideas?
Thanks!

 The necropolis was gorgeous, for what it was. Its white outer walls hiding the darker Victorian Gothic interior. The tech that was hidden in the walls though was able to move bodies in their caskets from a designated place in the necropolis to the "viewing area" as the necropolians called it. This was where I waited for my, for lack of a better term, escort to take me to the mortuary. Since science has grown surprisingly fast our abilities for forensic sciences have also grown, and that's to whom I was headed. (S)He was an, unusual (wo)man to say the least. An expert in their field and about as learned as a doctor, if not multi-doctorate. If you ever asked them why they never pursued an actual doctorate, they would get angry and act all prissy while saying that going to school would've slowed them down and all they needed were the basic certificates for their work. The reality though, revealed to me during a drunken bout, they just never liked school and believed that it ultimately stunted a person's growth and ability to question the reality around them, that everything that you need to learn is already in books and in some form or another in digital content online. They were brilliant, if a little wacky. About five minutes after I had arrived and was sitting down in the viewing area, a little box rolled up to me making a couple of beeps to let me know to follow it and immediately started rolling towards the wall opposite of where it came from. When it looked like it was about to hit the wall, a hidden door opened up by the casket viewer, inside was a set of stairs leading down into the darkness. Stepping through the doorway I became acutely aware of sounds seemingly coming from all around me suddenly. It really is impressive, as though I just stepped from a tomb to a busy workshop, the sounds of gas escaping pistons, whirring, and clanking chains flooded my ears. I continued down the stairs following my helpful little box, which despite its size and shape would suggest was actually quite nimble on the stairs. It seemed to have wheels that would extend down to the next step as the edge rolled over it and once the back of the box was clear of the step it would drop back into its squat position, hiding its wheels as quickly as possible. It continued to do so the entire way. The box seemed to notice me watching it and made a kinda shrill whistle and its undercarriage light went from a comfortable yellow to a, is that... Peach? Is it blushing? My god I think it is! I let out a small chuckle and my little blushing box stopped dead in its tracks mid-step, its light suddenly going white, almost blinding me from behind and lighting up the hallway for a split second. Luckily both of my feet were solidly on a step so I didn't take a tumble or anything, but I couldn't help doing anything but laughing harder. 

After a second the little box crept up behind me and continued down, its status light continuing to show pinkish. I followed it slowly, the chuckle slowly dying in my throat as we reached Ceriths office. Well "office" was being nice. Morgue, mortuary, both of these fit just as well. Cerith was, for the most part, a recluse. We reached the door and the little robot continued through a little hole in the wall. I waited a second and knocked. "Enter!" Came the voice on the other side. I opened the door and stepped through. Along one wall set doors that normally housed the dead waiting to be processed. One out of dozens were open, its occupant missing from its silver slab. The middle of the room was brightly lit from a single overhead light. In the middle of the circle of light stood a figure, long Raven colored hair bound in a single braided ponytail, the rest of them bound in medical examination garb. They seemed to be engrossed in the corpse in front of them. The little robot rolled up next to Ceriths feet and made a little chiming noise. "Thank you Tabitha. That'll be all," said a voice that was neither male nor female from beneath the mask. Just sort of in the middle. "Tabitha? Never knew you to be sentimental," I said gently, the chuckle in my voice making itself clear. "I see you still find even the darkest things funny," Cerith quipped back. "My line of work Cer, you take the laughs where you get them. Look who's talking anyway, you're usually elbows deep inside someone 25/8. Even you have a seriously fucked up sense of humor." That got Cerith laughing, sounding like thunder and the whip crack of lightning at the same time. "You've got me there Julius," Cerith said after his laughter subsided. I think he suits him today. Which is both a good and bad sign. When Cerith is acting like a man, it usually means some grim news, but they are going to try to make it seem like not a big deal and laugh a lot. Plus they almost never call me Julius. Something was wrong. Very seriously wrong. As this realization hit me I got this odd tingle in the small of my back. Like someone had put several freezing needles under the skin and into my spine, something I'm familiar with from the anima-games from the cyber sphere. Halos: Divine Retribution If I remember right. Those Angels were sadistic bastards. I shuddered at both the memories from the game and the shockingly similar feeling I was experiencing. Dread, that feeling is dread my friend, the quiet part of my mind whispered to me. "Cer, what's wrong bud," I asked. He didn't say anything. For a long time. After a few minutes I was about to ask again, but then he spoke. And what came out will haunt me, quite possibly till the day I die. "This ones temporal lobes are gray matter. Nothing even close to being coherent. Just. Dead neurons. And he's not the first." Gone was the jovialness of the past ten minutes. This was Cerith the whisperer. In an almost dead tone they continued, "the others didn't fare nearly as well as this one. Most of the brain is intact here, which means that if they didn't deliver a massive shock or something similar to fully kill him he would have possibly lived as a vegetable with memory issues, but that's not what I'm looking for in this one here now. Now I'm trying to figure out what else the others had in common with him, and so far that's brought up all but naught. Well this one has a bit of liver damage. But that's about it. So Mr John was a drinker. Not much there." When Cerith is "whispering" the best thing to do is just let him be. But I couldn't help but prick my ears up at mentions of others with similar wounds, and the fact that this one had liver issues.... "Cer. You said... CERITH," I finally snapped out and caught his attention mid ramble. "Thank you. You said liver problems. But nothing similar to the others? No drugs? Alcohol? Not even a synth brain-pattern? You checked Everything?" "Well let's see, John here was a drinker that's for sure," Cerith said his hands never ceasing their work as he started to put 'John' back together seemingly satisfied that he found nothing else, " Mr Lombardo in chest 3 had cocaine mostly, and Mr Lei in chest 9 had opium. Although to tell you where it came from for both I'd have to do a molecular analysis and see what it compares to. Other than that, no. Absolutely nothing connecting any of them. As far as I can tell they are all unique cases completely separate from each other except for the damages to the brain. And I only found this by accident. During a routine scan I happened to look at the screen as it passed through the brain and noticed an odd density in his temporal lobes. Just slightly higher than normal. Hell to be honest with you it had the density of a fresh cutie, you know those little oranges?" I nodded, and he continued, "Right of course you do, who hasn't? Anyways it's just super dense compared to the surrounding tissues, and I take a sliver probe and drop it in like you do. And when I turn the damn thing on to look at the neurons the area all I see are dead cells packed on top of one another. Not natural decay death, but forced to die. Most of the cell walls were torn open like they had blown up from the INSIDE. That's when I called you." He finished up with 'John' putting the final few perfect stitches in place and sealing him up for good. Once he seemed happy with his work he called out to his seemingly empty morgue, "Grom I'm done! Can you put Mr John Doe here back in his room? Number 11 if you please." He turned away from the body on the table and removed the giant rubber gloves that went to his elbows. He walked into the dark calling out over his shoulder, "I'll be back in a sec I gotta scrub out, want a drink? I have beer, whiskey, vodka, I might have some Cognac somewhere, and bourbon. Your choice, just call out what you want and Tabitha will be there with it. Also have a seat! We have much to discuss." With that he disappeared from both sight and sound in the dark. It was a neat trick I have to admit, and it had something to do with how he had his morgue set up. Even the giant war machine that was Grom was absolutely quiet unless you managed to catch him through the gloom. I thought for the longest time the reason why I could never catch him sneaking around was from some sort of stealth program put into place, but when he goes up and down those stairs he's as loud as can be. So it was definitely not his program but the way the morgue was built. I'm confident in saying that because when I turned back to look at the table, or rather where it was, there was now a chair that looked like it had just grown out of the floor and the body was gone. Also the thought of something as big as a fridge just sneaking up on some poor combatants and snapping their necks as quietly as he walks in the morgue just gives me the heebies. As I sat in the chair a thought occurred to me. Considering how advanced the morgue seemed to be it would make sense that it had some sort of AI or integrated computer. "Computer?" I had been here a million times but I'd never had a chance to think about it nor try anything. But not even a second after I had said anything a response came. "Yes Detective Julius. My name is DANNA. Or Dynamically Actualized Neural Net AI. How can I be of service?" The voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, slightly feminine and breathy, all service but no sex. Honestly I was just surprised that it worked. "DANNA, I was just wondering if I could take a look at the files that Cerith had mentioned? If it is as bad as they claim I think I might need to know anyway. Also if you can get those blood works done for me I'd appreciate it. Also something with whiskey or rum would be amazing." "Of course Detective. I will have Tabitha bring it shortly. And how would you like the information to be displayed? Desktop or dynamic?" That piqued my interest. "Dynamic please." No sooner than I had said a series of screens blinked into existence in front of me. It was some sort of Holographic display. I reached out and touched the display and was surprised that I got stopped by something. It was hard but surprisingly I found that I could push into the screen with my finger if I pushed hard enough. It kinda felt like... Oobleck. I also found that by pinching the corner I could pull the screens closer or further from me. I even found that I could grab individual pages of the reports off the screen and hold it. It felt like a thin sheet of plastic and responded like both a tablet and a singular document. If I switched pages the old one would appear back onto the screen and the next would pop onto it. This was about as slick a set up as I had ever seen and whistled my appreciation under my breath, I'm definitely going to have to ask Cerith about where they got DANNA from. "See something you like, big boy?" A very DEFINITELY female voice said in my ear from behind, soft and throaty, screaming come hither. I felt small dainty hands gently caress the tops of my shoulders before slipping down the front of my chest, pulling me back into the chair that I didn't realize I had been slouching in. "You know better than that, Jules. Your back is important and slouching will destroy the muscles and cause some to atrophy." The voice left no room for argument, and left me more than a little bit flushed. I closed my eyes and dropped my head back as far as it would go, the back of my head hitting something soft and warm, stretching my neck and back out. "Damnit Cer I thought you were scrubbing out, not completely changing." I hadn't realized it, but at least an hour had passed from when I started playing with the computer and working with the files if the clock on the computer was to be believed. "You looked like you were pretty into it so I decided not to disturb you. Plus you know how much fun it is for me to tease you like this. Especially after, well these..." One hand waved at the screens in front of me. The small hands' nails were painted the darkest black and almost made them blend into the void that existed outside of the screens. "I do Cer, and that's part of the problem, we both know that it's never going to happen. Least of all for you." She laughed a little, a clear beautiful sound and the body beneath my head bounced slightly telling me I was against her stomach. "Still I know you enjoy these little moments," she said, the pressure on the back of my head disappearing and was replaced by the voice right by my ear again as she whispered, "especially when we both know that's not at all true." At the last words she nibbled my ear gently. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her, in spite of my baser instinct rising to meet her VERY juicy insinuations. But for as long as I've known Cerith and as many times as we have both been VERY drunk, they have NEVER cashed in. I just assumed that it was a quirk of theirs. "Anyways," she said standing back up, "what are you thinking so far about the files? Spooky, right? Like I said, nothing that I can see connects them." Her hands gestured in front of me in an approximation of a shrug. She then clasped them together, wringing the knuckles and effectively trapping me in the chair and back against her abdomen. I scrubbed my eyes with my fingertips acutely aware of the growing headache that suddenly made itself known. "Your right from the medical side. I can't see everything you can, of course. I don't have near the knowledge that you have," which is true being that Cerith is at least 200 years old. I never asked directly, the old adage still holding about women and their age. Still though her answers to certain questions would lead one to believe her being her first adult car was a Bing Cherry 2201 Firebird GT with white walled hover trim and chrome accents. From pictures that I could find it looked like a slick piece. Looking back to the screens I couldn't help but feel that itch again. I couldn't explain it. That prickly feeling of ice needles again, this time in the back of my skull. As much as I'd hate to admit it. I think Cerith is right. I sighed heavily before saying "send me everything. I'll open a new case file and have the team start working on it first thing." She made a happy noise and bounced slightly, clearly satisfied with my decision to take it on. I reached out and to my left and a glass was placed gently into my hand by Tabitha. I hadn't even realized she had come over while I was working and was now ready for that drink. Room temperature rum and cola. The drink went down smoothly enough considering I drained the glass in one gulp, during which time I finally got a good eyeful of Ceriths current form. Or rather the underside of part of it. From what I could tell she was wearing a black T-shirt. That was it. I put the glass back down, it's job done without moving my head and said, "What a lovely view Cerith. I'm guessing you chose this to try to get a rise out of me?" I couldn't lie though it was affecting me, but I couldn't let her know that. Not when she's like this. Otherwise she'll continue to tease me till she leaves me with the absolute worst case of blue balls this side of the City. Her hands came up and cupped my chin almost lovingly, and her voice said "Of course Detective. Do you not approve? Or would you rather I change back to my medical examination form? Or something else?" Her words dripped with implied sex. I groaned, loudly, and said, "This is fine. Jesus Cer." Before we could continue our most scintillating of conversations there was a sudden PING! And DANNA said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's a message for you Cerith. It says 'If you can get to the department Cerith, do so. We need you to explain your paperwork. And if Detective Julius is still with you have him come in too.' signed the Chief. Would you like to reply?" 'Shit, I forgot the morgue kills all signals,' I thought to myself as I stood up gently (regretfully) prying myself from Ceriths grasp with a, "duty calls. Need a lift?" I stretched gently, the scales in between my shoulders clicking appreciatively for the stretch, and turned around to notice she was indeed, just wearing a black T-shirt that hugged her voluptuous figure closely. The scales in my back clicked shut in surprise. Cerith let out a small cute chuckle, "I see after all this time I can still surprise you," she said blowing a kiss my way, reminding me of a little Gothic pixy. I rolled my eyes away from her and willed my scales to relax. I grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair, slinging it on and clicking the neck clasp shut under the cord that connected my scales to the unit in my head. I was awarded the cybernetics upon completing my training and getting all my licenses to have them. The force had allowed me to customize it, I had chosen top of the line. A dual unit with custom built AI. The individual scales were ceracoated titanium microprocessors all running in both series and parallel, and could move to expel heat or react. The main unit was the same except it was one solid unit that replaced a chunk of skull. Once that was done I zipped up the front of the leathers and ran the scales through the racer setting. They clicked and flattened against the outside of the jacket, securing it to my back. I shrugged making sure it was comfortable. "I'll take the fact that you're only in a t-shirt you'll be along shortly?" "Certainly detective." Her voice was filled with dismissive submission... And sadness? I looked back at her and noticed her makeup was gone. Or had she had any on in the first place? I gave myself a mental shake. There's no way. This was Cerith, veritable goddess of the necropolis. I put the last few minutes away for review later. Chief called. I have to go. On an instinct I thought long dead, I reached out and squeezed her hand. I felt a slight squeeze back. And then she let go with a, "Go on, be a good detective. I'll be along shortly." I left with Tabitha as my guide. Before Cerith disappeared into the darkness I thought I heard her whisper, "please don't leave." My scales raised in a saddened response. I couldn't be sure I heard her right though. If I heard her at all. I reached back and stroked them, knowing my ai probably heard her, and knowing it could feel me touch the scales. After a few seconds the scales settled down. 'I know buddy,' I thought to the AI. It couldn't respond like usual AI. The force thought that was too dangerous. What if it went rogue? What if it tried to kill the host and take over? The list went on and eventually they decided the basics were ok. When I got my unit one of the first things I did was jack it into a diagnostic to see what kind of hardware I was dealing with exactly because manufacturer specs from real use are sometimes different with AI if the bits and bobs are in place. When I did, all I got on the screen was 'Hello?'

Today:
A patients car died in drive thru… people were upset at me about it.
A woman using cashapp insisted we double charged her $6 twice and wouldn’t pay the remainder of what she owed (I don’t know how cashapp cards work but somehow she got it figured out after asking if I could pay for it since I double charged her.. I didn’t) for 2 pills.
A woman in drive asked for children’s tylenol… then when I came back she asked me to go back out into the store and get her children’s zyrtec too.
A patient showed up for her ritalin (like never told her we would fill the rest and already heard the same thing from the pharmacist earlier in the day) asked me why I wouldn’t fill the remainder (she had just picked up 124 pills and agreed to forfeit the rest instead of waiting for the remainder to come in on friday because she didn’t want to wait)… I had to repeat myself 3 times as did the pharmacist.
Our SM thought our register at drive was jammed and accidentally ripped a wire out and left it before me and the other tech working noticed it smelled like something was burning… turns out whatever she did somehow made a piece of the plastic in the register melt.. 5 minutes before close.
Today was…. something. I literally said to myself.. there is no way this place is real.

she initiated the separation, we had to move mountains to get together...
I'm from the US, she is originally from Africa, but immigrated to CAD for college. We were only 4 hours apart, but a border in between.
We met when i visited her city, she was very outgoing, fun, we spent the entire weekend together, her brother visited and i met him, too.
She wanted to have sex, i held back, as i didn't want to get attached. i did stay over, we had breakfast the next day...she told me a huge story of how she grew up with an abusive step mom, emotionally and partially physically absent dad, and her mother left africa for the US when she was 8 (her dad divorced her)..so absent mom as well...
Coming from a 'caretaking' type family (lots of nurses, teachers, social justice lawyers, etc), I immediate was pulled in and wanted to be there...plus she's beautiful, intelligent, social...
once she realized i wasn't the perfect husband, and that we had to compromise on time, etc. with big life decisions... she started to resent me, criticizing, blaming, eggshells, i was constantly putting effort, resources, small gestures into the relationship just to be forgotten, i couldn't express myself without it coming back to hurt me, i was always wrong,...i started to get eczema on my hands, arms, as stress reaction
i had my issues too, i was reluctant to move to canada, she wanted a kid right when i arrived, i wanted to settle into the new country // job first...which is when the resentment kicked in...
at one point, she was done with me, eventually she wanted me to move out, and when i did...i never heard from her for months, i heard she made friends with the guy neighbor in our condo....6 of her closest friends are divorced, others are single....
her mother, aunts, uncles, tried to help her get back on track, saying to be patient with marriage, she ragefully replied, nobody could stop her...she'd could never forgive, yet never took any blame for herself, how she made me feel...
she will contact me for logistics, we have mutual friends, whom i am positive report my life updates back to her.. its as if i didn't exist...she'll be kind, then get what she wants and then go no contact..today she asked for some immigration info, i gave it to her...congratulated her on getting the good news.....and she left me on read....
she says she doesn't want to be married, that she wishes 2 years ago I was the just man i am now, that our marriage was too much work,
I moved from the US to CAD to be with her, i left family, friends, started a new job, helped her family with finances, welcomed her into my family with open arms, I never felt loved..I never felt truly loved....
said she doesn't want to stay in touch or make any plans to see each other...
how did it turn so nasty?
is this normal in breakups?
why did i stay in it, and is there a way to heal? the way she has treated me...she is still such a mystery....