Does he love me quiz for teenagers
WELCOME TO THE_PACK
2016.04.13 22:39 no_turn_unstoned WELCOME TO THE_PACK
THIS IS THE PACK WE'RE FUCKEN BAD ASS AND WE MAKE BOMBASS MEMES!!!!! CUM CRANK YOU'RE HOG IN ARE DISCORD MFER https://discord.gg/3WqqfRM !!!!!!!!!
2013.01.25 04:46 cottonheadedninnymug Emotional Abuse Subreddit
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2016.01.28 12:43 SloMoShakespeareRap Steve1989mreinfo: Rations - Old And New
A Subreddit For The Appreciation And Discussion Of Youtube User Steve1989mreinfo
2024.05.21 10:50 Yurii_S_Kh “May we be that kind of crazy”. Conversation with Protopresbyter Joseph Dzagoev about Orthodoxy on the Kolyma peninsula
 | Protopresbyter Joseph Dzagoev, a priest in the Protection monastery in Magadan, tells about the spiritual life in his city. He talks about well-worn stereotypes, “ordinary” Christian miracles, and how we should never get tired of trusting the Lord. submitted by Yurii_S_Kh to SophiaWisdomOfGod [link] [comments] Trinity Cathedral in Magadan The Russian antimension Before 1989, our city was lacking not only a monastery; we didn’t have a single church. Before the Bolshevik persecutions against religion, there were churches, chapels and veneration crosses at various neighboring villages, on the coast, and in Cossack settlements. It wasn’t till the very end of the twentieth century when the persecution of the Christian faith finally officially stopped, and with the blessing of the Bishop of Khabarovsk, the very first Orthodox community was formed here. The first services were held in a private residence. This is where the Protection Monastery was later founded. Although it’s true that our city never even had a chance to have a church, because it started its life, so to speak, as a local GULAG camp in the early 1930s. That’s why any church was out of the question. We aren’t talking about the times of the Russian Empire, when churches were everywhere, and everyone, including exiles, convicts and other prisoners, always had the opportunity to attend a church service. But on the other hand, even if we didn’t have a physical church, it doesn’t mean that we had no Christians here. We have every reason to call both Solovki and Magadan and their surrounding territories an enormous Russian antimension spread under the open sky. How many new martyrs and confessors suffered here in very recent times! One of the most revered local saints is the Venerable Confessor Andronik (Lukash), one of the elders of Glinsk Hermitage, whose relics rest in our Holy Trinity Cathedral. But there are many more saints like him—both those we know, and those known only to God. So, the place you stand is holy ground. I think we should know more about the holiness of this land. Well-worn stereotypes —Fr. Joseph, how can we understand the salvific value of sufferings? How do we benefit from them if viewed from the Christian perspective? After all, not everyone who suffered here at Kolyma suffered for Christ’s sake. If we read the works of Varlam Shalamov1—it gives you jitters and you even can grow despondent. —I have to say right away that neither I, nor many of the inhabitants of our region, are fans of Varlam Tikhonovich's literary work. You can’t find a glimpse of light in his writing. Besides, the locals say that not everything that he wrote is truthful. But let's leave Shalamov in peace, God rest his soul. As for the meaning and nature of suffering, in my opinion, there were prisoners (and there are still some—I have been conducting prison pastoral care since 1998 in our region, so I can talk to the prisoners) who truly suffered for the truth, for Christ’s sake, and for their loyalty to Him. But there were also some (moreover, many) who endured the hardship of imprisonment because, as many of them admit, they have been beneficial to them. They redeem from “other” sins for which they probably haven’t been “officially” convicted. These people tell me: “It’s better that I suffer here and now instead of later, in the afterlife.” I think this speaks of the humility cultivated in them. I used to meet real Christians behind bars, so we shouldn’t suppose that Kolyma is only for hardened thugs. But cultivating suffering—no, I will not do that. Let’s remember the words of the Apostle Peter: But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters (1 Peter 4:15). But overall I, and the overwhelming majority of residents of Kolyma region, have already gotten quite tired of this reference, the stereotype regarding our land—that Magadan is all about the prisons, camps, tough guys in padded jackets with an inmate number, barbed wire, and so forth. It still works somehow as a gimmick for tourists, but our land has so much more and it can surprise in a good way by bring joy to someone “from the mainland.” Actually, have you noticed that we even say, “from the mainland”, despite the fact that Magadan is actually also a mainland city, while Yakutsk is only 2000 kilometers away from us? —Aha, right, “just” a mere couple of thousand kilometers—no big deal! —But it is so beautiful, isn’t it? The embankment —That's true. The sea knolls, the sea, your сhurches, the embankment, the central streets and museums—it's a pleasure to walk around! —So, we don't live in the dreary past, nor do we relish the allure of prison life—we have other things to do and something and someone to pray about. We have much to do, and that’s good. Because you can’t, after all, rush around the country “seeking greener pastures”. It is better to get comfortable in your own clean, spacious, well stocked and hospitable home. But you’ll obtain this home only when you, and not some “fairy-tale do-gooder,” take care of it yourself. Besides, that “fairy-tale do-gooder” actually does offer support; we receive sizable support from the federal budget. And no, it’s not our thing to sit here whining and waiting for better times, unwilling to lift a finger to make those better times come. The fruits of a recent sermon and “birth pangs” of the Apostle Paul But let us return to the idea of the Russian antimension spread under the open sky. It seems to me that the whole of Russia can serve as such antimension, since persecutions happened all over Russia. So many churches and monasteries were destroyed! I think, we, the Christians of today, can’t come even close to Holy Russia of that time. In the Protection monastery —And in qualitative terms? —On the one hand, I can dwell on the problems like an old man—where our young generation (including priests) is heading, that they are the victims of the “upbringing” of the 1990s, that the former generations were “warriors, far better than you,”2 “unlike the current crop of youth,” and to some extent I would probably be right. On the other hand, as a modern-day priest, I see something joyful happening before my own eyes—I wouldn’t’ say holy, I should be careful here—but examples that speak of a worthy and often miraculous Christian life. Let’s take our Protection Monastery, for example. As I already said, it was founded around a house of worship with the blessing of Bishop Gabriel of Khabarovsk as far back as 1992. There was a community there already, but they were able to obtain their own building, albeit a small and remote one, only in the 1990s. Vladyka used to visit us here several times a year, and this community grew larger over time. Later the Magadan diocese was formed, so when Vladyka Arkady came here together with the monks, they began to travel all over Kolyma as missionaries, visiting every village and hamlet, baptizing, serving, and having conversations. That’s how the life of the Church has gradually settled here. Much later, our monastery was built, and it currently has four elderly nuns headed by Matushka Nadezhda, the abbess. —It turns out that everyone has different gifts. One person is man of prayer, another is a master craftsman, and yet another one is an excellent organizer. —I think the most difficult thing is to have only just begun the spiritual life—considering those “birth pangs” of the Apostle Paul. But later on, there comes a moment of great joy when you see that your community is growing in Christ. Thanks to Bishop Arkady’s labors, we were able to accomplish very much Above all, he succeeded in changing the attitude of the regional and city authorities towards the Church. And not just of the authorities, but also of our local people. Formerly, believers were called “relics of the past” and “pariahs,” despicable and worthless people with “issues,” who were crazy in the head. Now, largely thanks to missionary work, people have realized that first of all, Christ is risen, and secondly, His Resurrection directly affects each and every one of us. Do you choose to languish in the darkness of eternal complaints and death? Wouldn’t it be better to be joyful and work alongside Christ and His disciples? That’s where our choice is. It is, of course, a serious question—to what extent we sinners are worthy disciples of the Lord. But our failures don’t give us the right to forsake God, right? Judging from my own experience, I know how perplexed people were when we witnessed the faith. I remember how in the 1990s, when I was still working at a mining plant (I am a mine foreman by education), there was a lot of theft. And when someone made me an offer to “steal” at work, I replied that I was a Christian and I would not steal. They stared at me and kept looking at me for a long time as if I were insane. However, at any time, to follow Christ was always seen by the fallen world as a disease—we are not right in the head if we are Christians. God willing, may we be that kind of crazy. Kolyma paradoxes and the miracles of Magadan Protopresbyter Joseph Dzagoev with the patients of residential care facility —The irony is that the site of the present-day Holy Trinity Cathedral in Magadan formerly housed the 1st administrative office of Dalstroy, the very consortium that brought workers, or rather slaves, to the GULAG. Later on, they decided to build the House of Soviets there, a huge one by local standards, around fourteen stories tall. But they never finished it; the structure cracked and it was impossible to commission it. That unfinished construction site has seen it all: drunken brawls, the stench of beer, teenagers committing suicide… It was horrible. But now it is the site of our magnificent Trinity Cathedral. —Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our hearts were also transformed? —That is harder to achieve, of course. Especially now, when the war is going on, and when our boys return after witnessing all that death. What are we to do with them? God willing, some of them will find their way to the church, But what about the rest? After the Great Patriotic War, career military people were sent to work here—straight from active duty in the army, they became the camp guards. They say there was an unheard level of drunkenness here... I don't know what will happen now. We pray that we can overcome the ordeal that befell our military men and their families. Yes, and more about the sick. Our monastery is on good and friendly terms with the staff at the psychoneurological residential care facility. Many patients and their staff come to us, and we also visit them. We hold services, we meet and talk to people, comforting them to the best of our abilities. Here is what I want to say: According to information from the residential facility’s staff, the vast majority of their patients (and it’s something like ninety percent!) are the children of drug addicts and alcoholics. And there are about four hundred people residing there! This is the sad part. Now about the miracles so common for Christians. Have you noticed one young man at the service—a kind and caring one, who is smiling and willing to help everyone? This is our Sasha, and he also resides there. He came a long time ago, when the Protection Monastery had just been founded. Well, he sort of came, but he couldn’t say a word—he could only mumble something unintelligibly. Well, he kept mumbling something while we prayed together with him. All churches and communities have such people, so it’s not surprising. But one day we came to the morning service and saw our Sasha standing in front of the icon of the Mother of God, clearly reciting, “Rejoice O Virgin Mother of God.” Not only was he reciting it, but so eloquently that any pious church reader would be jealous! We stood there in amazement. Once he finished praying, we came closer. “Sasha, dearest, how did you learn to read, how do you know the words?” He answered so calmly but matter-of-factly: “This Auntie taught me!” and pointed to the icon of the Mother of God. We could only stand there in silence and continue praying. And that’s what we do! As for Sasha, he continues to come, almost never missing a service. He also helps around the monastery and assists at our meetings in his residential care facility. https://preview.redd.it/9thrbzfntq1d1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=5aad11cd96407fb242d5bfdcc656d009d4e493c9 So, we do have miracles, we can’t do without them. On the one hand, those miracles are truly our great support on our path to God. On the other hand, they give us a wonderful opportunity to pause and think that Christ does not work miracles without reason or purpose—any real miracle has its own meaning, and we always see God's love in it. We also have to work hard, even if we are spiritual invalids. We can still progress towards Heaven. If we ourselves don’t make an effort, of course there won’t be miracles! So I wish for us all to keeping working. And one more thing: If you ever happen to be in Kolyma, you are cordially invited to visit us! Peter Davydov spoke with Protopresbyter Joseph Dzagoev 1 Varlam Shalamov (June 18, 1907–January 17, 1982, was a poet and writer who spent much of the period from 1937 to 1951 imprisoned in forced-labor camps in the Arctic region of Kolyma, due in part to his support of Leon Trotsky and praise of writer Ivan Bunin. He is the author of Kolyma Tales, about life in the northern GULAG.—OC. 2 From the poem about the Battle of Borodino, Borodino, by Mikail Lermontov.—OC. |
2024.05.21 10:00 createdjustforthis23 21/05/2024
I woke up to seagulls this morning, I really like the sound of them. I mean they don’t make pretty sounds, nor is it relaxing, but it feels like a comforting noise I guess? I think because I like being by the sea. I’m not sure. It was nice though. I love living by the sea, like I hear ship horns and seagulls and all of that. It makes me forever paranoid of tsunamis though. I think I’d like to live in a little seaside town with my honey, but I also don’t because then I couldn’t have the garden of my dreams nor would I have the countryside lifestyle I want. I don’t really know what I want. I don’t think I have enough money to be all that picky anyway.
I kind of woke up with that pit in my stomach feeling today. I don’t like how our calls were last night, either one of them. The first I felt like he didn’t want to talk to me and the second it was me being like that to him. I didn’t mean to make it come across that way, but I think he just caught me out when I was mid-deep sleep? I couldn’t wake up or focus and idk. Normally I’m fine to wake up though? And I love his night time calls, to know he’s thinking about me makes me feel so warm inside. It feels weird to think I ever cross his mind when we aren’t in an active conversation, I guess that comes back to the self esteem thing and feeling unworthy of being a thought in his mind, not feeling important enough, or something. But in that second call, I guess I didn’t like that he got me off the phone earlier because he was so sleepy, but then it turned out he was still up and about two hours later? It made me feel like he lied about being tired to get rid of me. I don’t think that was the case, but it’s how it made me feel in the moment. Anyway I woke up feeling uneasy, I felt okay but a little uneasy so I made sure to apologise. I think as well because I fell asleep feeling a little uneasy, it felt like he rushed me off the phone or like I was boring him to death or something. But it made me think about how it’s only 9pm where he is, and that he could quite easily have someone come over around that time. I don’t believe he would do that, but it scares me all the same. The way in which he could crush me into nothing is a little frightening sometimes, it really feels like I’ve just laid out my sad little heart out there for him to stomp all over if he so wishes to do so. I know if he did end things I would be okay, I think, but I can’t say I don’t worry about how it would affect my mental health and “recovery” - how far would it set me back? But also that’s not on him at all, and I’m never ever going to imply as such to him. He ought to make decisions based on what he wants and is best for him. Anyway it’s fine and we talked this morning and nothing has changed for him either, we both still want each other and this so it doesn’t even matter. I still feel bad about how I made him feel. I’m really glad, even though I made him feel bad which I wish I hadn’t, but sometimes it really helps to have him say he still wants this. I know his actions speak louder than words, but sometimes I need the words too. And so him saying “I’m still the same” was really reassuring and made me feel so lovey.
I’ve made a hair appointment, for end of June. I kind of wanted it early June as my hair is annoying the f out of me now, but her first available slot is end of June sooo I guess it still works out well. It gives me five weeks to continue growing out my layers so that we can start afresh. I’m going to get my face framies cut shorter this time as they grow out so quickly. I think otherwise I’ll get very subtle layering, enough to add some movement and help it air dry nicely, but I want the ends as thick as possible too. I’ll get a general root touch up to darken them up a little, and then a tonegloss for the lengths to cool down the warmth a little and darken it up ever so slightly. And then I’ve booked in for a full on olaplex treatment, so that will be nice. I am all about my hair health this year. I always have been but now even more so.
It’s so autumnal today. I really want to watch my favourite cosy romcoms, their autumn scenes are always my most absolute favourite. And winter I suppose. Basically Meg Ryan in autumn is my favourite thing and comforts me to no end.
I think I assume that if I know something then everyone else must know it too, so when they don’t I find it baffling that they don’t know. I guess because I consider myself thicker than a brick and everyone else smarter than I am, so I’d say in the team quiz no one knows the answer I start thinking how do you not know this, but that’s unfair of me and I’m making an assumption based on my low self esteem. But also I am as dumb as a rock so I mean there’s low self esteem and then there’s self awareness. But I just assume that if I know something, then it therefore must be as widely known as 2+2=4.
I’m wearing my Mon Guerlain perfume today, I quite like it, I guess I liked it a fair but considering I seem to have both a bottle of the edp and edt? I think this was during lockdown. Anyway I never wear it but I am today as it’s quite a warm scent, it’s like a warm vanilla but with a touch of lavender? Barely any lavender though, just a teeny tiny little bit. I just googled and that’s exactly what it is so yay me! Except it’s blatantly obvious so perhaps I’ll calm down on the self celebrations. Anyway it’s not one I’d replace but I do like it I suppose. It feels a little mature, not in an older woman way but in a mid-40s way. I read a comment and it said that it gives wife-and-adoring-mother with a wealthy husband, who’s just kissed her children goodnight before sweeping off in her furs to dinner and the opera. It’s classy and elegant, but with something warm and motherly to it and I get that too. Like the mama in Peter Pan! Anyway I’m a little ways off that stage of my life. But it’s a nice wfh scent I suppose. Most of my perfumes are just wfh/chill at home ones now. I wear perfume everyday, I’d say that’s silly but a) Andy tends to too and anything he does that I do makes me feel more assured it’s okay, b) I have a lottttt to get through and c) even if I didn’t have a lottttt to get through I still would because I just like to feel pretty. I may be as ugly as a troll but I will still be presentable enough. Not nicely, but perfume, groomed brows, glowy skin/skincare, my cutie lil diamond studs, brushed hair etc. Except I like a lived in look, I don’t like to look super prim and proper I prefer more bedheady hair and to look like I don’t care an awful lot, but in a nonchalant Kate Moss way not a get wrecked Adam Sandler way. Except I think Adam Sandler is the better of the two - I read he still has a regular-ish house? Then again it was the internet and I’m as gullible as… idk something gullible. That’s what I adore about Andy, he will do his own research and not believe anything outright, he’ll question it and all of that. Whereas I can just be like woowwwww crazy and then move on. There are many ways I’d like to be more like him, I don’t want to be like him but I just want to be better and he’s better so idk. He seems a little paranoid I’ll be like his ex who basically tried to become the tweedle dum to his tweedle dee, but I mean that’s never going to happen? I like to try things he likes, for example snacks and drinks and things. And if he says he enjoys using something and recommends it, ie his mouse, then I take his recommendations seriously. But I’m never going to dress or act like him, I mean I adore him but I don’t want to be a man…? I like being girly and different from him! But I just mean I like how he approaches things, I like how he handles disagreements or thinks about new information - they’re things I want to kind of learn from him. Not in a way where I’d ask because that makes it weirder. Idk. This whole thing is weird. I just admire him. Now I sound like some kinda single white female… which I am… oh god.
Todays been fine overall. I did something new workwise, getting into LOEs for H&S speeding stuff, I had a call with a manager about one of his direct reports this morning and he was like I mean is it that bad and I had to tell a 40 something grown man that it is indeed bad to speed 28km over the speed limit. For any reason. And in a branded vehicle at that. Anyway so then I had to do the letter which was fine but it’s such a confusing template so I suggested some alterations to the Head of and she said they were excellent and she would change the template letter to include my suggestions, so that made me feel good. I enjoy that part of my work, I think I like processes and policies and all of that stuff. Idk why someone with social anxiety thought it would be smart to get into PEOPLE advisory. But like I said, as thick as a brick.
I had such a fun chat with him this evening, he makes me all giggly and silly and I hate myself for saying that. The word giggle is so bleh. I mean it’s a cute word but it feels wrong to say for whatever reason. It’s like when people say “hehe” in texts or whatever, it makes me feel gross even though I don’t even mind it. I think in the right context from the right person it’s fine, but I’ve never experienced that so idk. Now I’m thinking of… something. Something we watched. And the subtitles had it as “heh heh” and I’m thinking sopranos. Anyway newsflash to no one: I love him a hellllllll of a lot.
I wish I didn’t have to go to the office tomorrow. It’s so annoying. I know it’s good for me and also my manager has outright asked me to, so I kind of have to regardless, but also I’ll just focus on the fact it’s good for me to be properly out of the house and stuff. And it has perks I guess, I can have sushi for lunch, peruse the bookshop nearby and I also don’t snack when I’m at the office, I take nuts with me but I don’t eat them because I get all anxy about if people can hear me chewing or if they think I’m some kind of insatiable ogre who can’t wait til lunch or dinner. But so I just have a few bits of sushi for lunch. Although I really want to try this Vietnamese place, they have a salad that looks so bloody good, but I’ve never been and it looks like the kind you line up for like subway and that sends a barrage of anxiety through me so maybe sometime in the future. But I also tend to get more done and idk. It’s good for me. I’ll just keep telling myself that while I hate life two days a week for the foreseeable. It’s not even that bad, it is bad anxiety wise - like yesterday I didn’t go to the bathroom for over an hour from when I needed to pee because of my anxiety, I also didn’t fill up my drink bottle or get another coffee at all for the whole day. So my anxiety is bad, but maybe over time it’ll get better, I’m sure it will, I just have to suck it up in the interim.
I think I’ll stop now because I have 10 mins exactly til 8 and I need to get entirely ready for bed and post this. I needed to blowdry my hair but I spent too long in the shower and now I don’t have time so oh well. Tbh I look like utter shite anyway lately so what’s a bad hair day to go with it? I’ll just put it up. I feel disgustingly ugly lately, I always do but especially lately. Okay now I have 8 minutes night night
submitted by createdjustforthis23 to u/createdjustforthis23 [link] [comments]
I kind of woke up with that pit in my stomach feeling today. I don’t like how our calls were last night, either one of them. The first I felt like he didn’t want to talk to me and the second it was me being like that to him. I didn’t mean to make it come across that way, but I think he just caught me out when I was mid-deep sleep? I couldn’t wake up or focus and idk. Normally I’m fine to wake up though? And I love his night time calls, to know he’s thinking about me makes me feel so warm inside. It feels weird to think I ever cross his mind when we aren’t in an active conversation, I guess that comes back to the self esteem thing and feeling unworthy of being a thought in his mind, not feeling important enough, or something. But in that second call, I guess I didn’t like that he got me off the phone earlier because he was so sleepy, but then it turned out he was still up and about two hours later? It made me feel like he lied about being tired to get rid of me. I don’t think that was the case, but it’s how it made me feel in the moment. Anyway I woke up feeling uneasy, I felt okay but a little uneasy so I made sure to apologise. I think as well because I fell asleep feeling a little uneasy, it felt like he rushed me off the phone or like I was boring him to death or something. But it made me think about how it’s only 9pm where he is, and that he could quite easily have someone come over around that time. I don’t believe he would do that, but it scares me all the same. The way in which he could crush me into nothing is a little frightening sometimes, it really feels like I’ve just laid out my sad little heart out there for him to stomp all over if he so wishes to do so. I know if he did end things I would be okay, I think, but I can’t say I don’t worry about how it would affect my mental health and “recovery” - how far would it set me back? But also that’s not on him at all, and I’m never ever going to imply as such to him. He ought to make decisions based on what he wants and is best for him. Anyway it’s fine and we talked this morning and nothing has changed for him either, we both still want each other and this so it doesn’t even matter. I still feel bad about how I made him feel. I’m really glad, even though I made him feel bad which I wish I hadn’t, but sometimes it really helps to have him say he still wants this. I know his actions speak louder than words, but sometimes I need the words too. And so him saying “I’m still the same” was really reassuring and made me feel so lovey.
I’ve made a hair appointment, for end of June. I kind of wanted it early June as my hair is annoying the f out of me now, but her first available slot is end of June sooo I guess it still works out well. It gives me five weeks to continue growing out my layers so that we can start afresh. I’m going to get my face framies cut shorter this time as they grow out so quickly. I think otherwise I’ll get very subtle layering, enough to add some movement and help it air dry nicely, but I want the ends as thick as possible too. I’ll get a general root touch up to darken them up a little, and then a tonegloss for the lengths to cool down the warmth a little and darken it up ever so slightly. And then I’ve booked in for a full on olaplex treatment, so that will be nice. I am all about my hair health this year. I always have been but now even more so.
It’s so autumnal today. I really want to watch my favourite cosy romcoms, their autumn scenes are always my most absolute favourite. And winter I suppose. Basically Meg Ryan in autumn is my favourite thing and comforts me to no end.
I think I assume that if I know something then everyone else must know it too, so when they don’t I find it baffling that they don’t know. I guess because I consider myself thicker than a brick and everyone else smarter than I am, so I’d say in the team quiz no one knows the answer I start thinking how do you not know this, but that’s unfair of me and I’m making an assumption based on my low self esteem. But also I am as dumb as a rock so I mean there’s low self esteem and then there’s self awareness. But I just assume that if I know something, then it therefore must be as widely known as 2+2=4.
I’m wearing my Mon Guerlain perfume today, I quite like it, I guess I liked it a fair but considering I seem to have both a bottle of the edp and edt? I think this was during lockdown. Anyway I never wear it but I am today as it’s quite a warm scent, it’s like a warm vanilla but with a touch of lavender? Barely any lavender though, just a teeny tiny little bit. I just googled and that’s exactly what it is so yay me! Except it’s blatantly obvious so perhaps I’ll calm down on the self celebrations. Anyway it’s not one I’d replace but I do like it I suppose. It feels a little mature, not in an older woman way but in a mid-40s way. I read a comment and it said that it gives wife-and-adoring-mother with a wealthy husband, who’s just kissed her children goodnight before sweeping off in her furs to dinner and the opera. It’s classy and elegant, but with something warm and motherly to it and I get that too. Like the mama in Peter Pan! Anyway I’m a little ways off that stage of my life. But it’s a nice wfh scent I suppose. Most of my perfumes are just wfh/chill at home ones now. I wear perfume everyday, I’d say that’s silly but a) Andy tends to too and anything he does that I do makes me feel more assured it’s okay, b) I have a lottttt to get through and c) even if I didn’t have a lottttt to get through I still would because I just like to feel pretty. I may be as ugly as a troll but I will still be presentable enough. Not nicely, but perfume, groomed brows, glowy skin/skincare, my cutie lil diamond studs, brushed hair etc. Except I like a lived in look, I don’t like to look super prim and proper I prefer more bedheady hair and to look like I don’t care an awful lot, but in a nonchalant Kate Moss way not a get wrecked Adam Sandler way. Except I think Adam Sandler is the better of the two - I read he still has a regular-ish house? Then again it was the internet and I’m as gullible as… idk something gullible. That’s what I adore about Andy, he will do his own research and not believe anything outright, he’ll question it and all of that. Whereas I can just be like woowwwww crazy and then move on. There are many ways I’d like to be more like him, I don’t want to be like him but I just want to be better and he’s better so idk. He seems a little paranoid I’ll be like his ex who basically tried to become the tweedle dum to his tweedle dee, but I mean that’s never going to happen? I like to try things he likes, for example snacks and drinks and things. And if he says he enjoys using something and recommends it, ie his mouse, then I take his recommendations seriously. But I’m never going to dress or act like him, I mean I adore him but I don’t want to be a man…? I like being girly and different from him! But I just mean I like how he approaches things, I like how he handles disagreements or thinks about new information - they’re things I want to kind of learn from him. Not in a way where I’d ask because that makes it weirder. Idk. This whole thing is weird. I just admire him. Now I sound like some kinda single white female… which I am… oh god.
Todays been fine overall. I did something new workwise, getting into LOEs for H&S speeding stuff, I had a call with a manager about one of his direct reports this morning and he was like I mean is it that bad and I had to tell a 40 something grown man that it is indeed bad to speed 28km over the speed limit. For any reason. And in a branded vehicle at that. Anyway so then I had to do the letter which was fine but it’s such a confusing template so I suggested some alterations to the Head of and she said they were excellent and she would change the template letter to include my suggestions, so that made me feel good. I enjoy that part of my work, I think I like processes and policies and all of that stuff. Idk why someone with social anxiety thought it would be smart to get into PEOPLE advisory. But like I said, as thick as a brick.
I had such a fun chat with him this evening, he makes me all giggly and silly and I hate myself for saying that. The word giggle is so bleh. I mean it’s a cute word but it feels wrong to say for whatever reason. It’s like when people say “hehe” in texts or whatever, it makes me feel gross even though I don’t even mind it. I think in the right context from the right person it’s fine, but I’ve never experienced that so idk. Now I’m thinking of… something. Something we watched. And the subtitles had it as “heh heh” and I’m thinking sopranos. Anyway newsflash to no one: I love him a hellllllll of a lot.
I wish I didn’t have to go to the office tomorrow. It’s so annoying. I know it’s good for me and also my manager has outright asked me to, so I kind of have to regardless, but also I’ll just focus on the fact it’s good for me to be properly out of the house and stuff. And it has perks I guess, I can have sushi for lunch, peruse the bookshop nearby and I also don’t snack when I’m at the office, I take nuts with me but I don’t eat them because I get all anxy about if people can hear me chewing or if they think I’m some kind of insatiable ogre who can’t wait til lunch or dinner. But so I just have a few bits of sushi for lunch. Although I really want to try this Vietnamese place, they have a salad that looks so bloody good, but I’ve never been and it looks like the kind you line up for like subway and that sends a barrage of anxiety through me so maybe sometime in the future. But I also tend to get more done and idk. It’s good for me. I’ll just keep telling myself that while I hate life two days a week for the foreseeable. It’s not even that bad, it is bad anxiety wise - like yesterday I didn’t go to the bathroom for over an hour from when I needed to pee because of my anxiety, I also didn’t fill up my drink bottle or get another coffee at all for the whole day. So my anxiety is bad, but maybe over time it’ll get better, I’m sure it will, I just have to suck it up in the interim.
I think I’ll stop now because I have 10 mins exactly til 8 and I need to get entirely ready for bed and post this. I needed to blowdry my hair but I spent too long in the shower and now I don’t have time so oh well. Tbh I look like utter shite anyway lately so what’s a bad hair day to go with it? I’ll just put it up. I feel disgustingly ugly lately, I always do but especially lately. Okay now I have 8 minutes night night
2024.05.21 09:59 ChristineLynnFoxx Why being transgender is not a sin!
Why being transgender is not a sin, by MARK WINGFIELD NOVEMBER 9, 2018
Link to original post: https://baptistnews.com/article/why-being-transgender-is-not-a-sin/#.YYk6tE7MK72I recently met a lovely young family in the northern suburbs of Dallas. They told me they previously attended a large Baptist church there – until their high school son became their daughter.
The mother was committed to her volunteer work in the church, and when she told the pastor who supervised that ministry area that her child was transgender, the pastor said: “That’s fine. We love everybody here. But it’s still a sin.”
“Blah, blah, blah, but….” Whatever comes after the “but” always negates whatever nice things were said in the first part of the sentence. Beware of the “but.”
Some would look kindly on the suburban pastor’s response because, after all, the pastor didn’t kick the family out of the church or condemn the teenager straight to hell. But.
Even among Christians who appear kind or progressive, too often the existence of someone who identifies as transgender gets chalked up to “sin.” No doubt that’s the root reason so many Christians happily pile on against transgender persons and their family members about bathrooms and schools, because in their heart of hearts, they don’t understand transgender identity and simply default to thinking it is a sinful lifestyle choice.
I think we all can agree that a “sin” is something we do that we shouldn’t do, something we have a choice about. If I eat an entire half-gallon of ice cream, I am likely guilty of the sin of gluttony. I didn’t have to eat the ice cream. If I fixate on why other people are more athletic and agile than me in my mid-life body, I probably am guilty of the sin of envy. There is a way for me to redirect my thoughts to avoid envy.
The same is not true of transgender identity. Emphatically and conclusively, this is not a choice. It is who a person is. Did you choose to have red hair? Did you choose to be tall or short? Did you choose to have the genetic markers you have? Of course not. Transgender persons are simply acknowledging that the gender identity assigned to them at birth because of physical anatomy does not match the brain, biochemical and genetic gender identity they know inside.
Since writing a column two years ago about understanding transgender identity – an opinion article that has been read more than 1 million times and led to giving a TED Talk on the same subject – I have conversed with hundreds of transgender persons and family members of transgender persons. That’s not just ministerially speaking. It really has been hundreds. Every one of those transgender persons has told me that they knew from their earliest awareness – from the time they were 4, 5 or 6 years old – that the gender anatomy they showed on the outside did not match who they knew they were on the inside.
There is an increasing body of scientific evidence to back up this assertion. For example, a 2008 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that female fetuses with increased prenatal exposure to androgens are more likely to have gender nonconforming behaviors. Researchers – including some theologically conservative ones – point to environmental factors that may be responsible for what appears to be an increase in transgender identity through endocrine disruption beginning in the 20th century. This is linked to industrialization, development of new chemicals and medicines.
But these environmental factors only explain an increase, not the presence of transgender identity, which has been documented for centuries. The American Academy of Pediatrics (not to be confused with a small association of conservative pediatricians often cited by critics of transgender rights) recently released a new policy statement explaining that variation in gender identity is a normal part of human diversity. For an excellent, lay-friendly description of the emerging science of transgender identity, look to this report from Harvard University.
I could quote chapter and verse for study after study, and that would not change the minds of some people who are determined to label as sinful anything they do not understand, usually because “the Bible says so.” In these cases, I ask people to tell me where in the Bible being transgender is condemned as sinful. The only answer usually offered is Deuteronomy 22:5, which says: “A woman shall not wear a man’s apparel, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for whoever does such things is abhorrent to the Lord your God.”
Here’s the problem with even a literal reading of that passage: Transgender persons will tell you they are not “men” putting on “women’s” clothing or “women” putting on “men’s” clothing. Instead, they are declaring an identity much deeper than clothing; they are saying that they are dressing outwardly to match who they know they are on the inside. This is not cross-dressing, which is not the subject of this column. Cross-dressing is about finding pleasure in wearing certain clothes. Being transgender is about finding mental and spiritual peace by aligning outward presentation with inner being.
Occasionally, people will point to Genesis 1:27 as a condemnation of transgender identity: “male and female he created them.” Most transgender persons will tell you they believe God has, in fact, created them as either male or female; the problem is how they have been labeled by others who are not God.
Some people today identify as “gender fluid,” meaning they find in themselves bits of both male and female identity and cannot definitely say they are one or the other. While this may sound unsettling to some of us on first hearing, a return to Genesis might help. There we also learn that God created both “night” and “day” and that God separated “land” from “sea.” Yet we have no problem understanding the existence of dawn and dusk or marshes and everglades. Also, the point of Genesis 1 is inclusion, not exclusion. The ancient text tells us that God created everything: “and,” not “or.”
The other lesson we need to keep learning from Genesis is that all humanity is created “in the image of God.” Everybody. Without exception. When we look at others who are different than us and try to see in them the image of God, we gain new understanding and empathy.
Sometimes well-meaning Christians get this part but still can’t get over the “sin” label. So they will say things like, “All of us are sinners in God’s eyes, and it’s just that my sin is different than your sin.” That’s another way of saying, “I love you, but….”
There’s an easy way to remember why this is wrong: Transgender identity is about who a person is. It is about their fundamental being as humans created by God in God’s image – an image that God has declared to be good.
2024.05.21 08:19 Sin-God A New Chain; Snapshots
The familiar sounds of the office fill the ears of the "Adventurer" as he steps into his home away from home. To him "Familiar sounds" means the voices of about three-quarters of the hundreds of employees who work in this building, thanks to the progressive, passive, perpetual boosts to his senses that he has simply always been accruing. He still can't quite hear everything in the office, indeed as powerful as his senses are he can only actively sense enough space around him to be firmly aware of events occurring about half of the building's length and width away from him at a time, but those are still incredibly powerful senses.
Lucas steps past several cubicles and heads to his own with a calm smile on his face. He actually enjoys his job, not because he finds the work fulfilling but because it presents him with a chance to level up his skills and work towards becoming altogether stronger in a hilariously safe environment. The figure sits in his cubicle and logs into his work computer with a bright grin on his face. As he grabs the last pieces of paper in the backlog that was a big problem when he began to work for this company he feels a pang of pride.
The workday is pleasant enough. He successfully finishes the last pile of paperwork that was considered part of the backlog and this effort is celebrated by his direct supervisor and a few of the friends he's made in his department, a group composed of several men and only a few pair of women, who have been working here for years but lacked the abilities he possesses that allow him to grind out progress at a rapid rate and allow him to improve the work he does every single day without fail. The news quickly spreads throughout the office, and various people, including other departmental supervisors and managers, come to him and congratulate him.
When the day ends Lucas is one of the first people out the door. This is commonly expected Lucas-like behavior at this point so no one bats an eye at it. The figure works and then leaves, and he seems to have an incredibly strict policy about work-life balance to the point that no one from the office has seen his apartment or even seen him outside of the office aside from on social media.
The lad walks towards a nearby mall even as he checks his phone. When the decently cautious man is sure he's not being watched he uses his inventory to swap outfits, changing into something much more casual than his work uniform so he can do his equivalent of trolling. His clothes go from being the professional outfit someone might expect to see an accountant in, to the much more casual clothes of someone who works at a Game Station the local equivalent of a Game Stop.
The minute the figure reaches the mall he relaxes and steps into it with a smile on his face as he is suddenly and powerfully aware of events going on all around him now that the sounds he's been passively hearing for the last few minutes are not muffled by layers of solid American construction. The mall is a favorite haunt of his, a place where there are enough people that even if something goes awry he can pretty easily escape in the chaos and commotion that any sort of hostile actions would necessarily cause. Still, to the figure's credit he has not been caught yet.
The thief begins his training by carefully studying the department store he's in. He can be a bit bolder now than he could weeks ago, as in the time since he began to hone this skill he's enhanced it in such a way that he can teleport objects directly into his inventory, which is a tremendous improvement even if he can't take anything bigger or heavier than a cleaver. He eventually spots a teenager with a wallet that is just visible out of the corner of his pockets. Lucas diligently uses "Observe" on him and the powerful skill is strong enough now that Lucas can use it to determine someone's affiliations. When the young adult spots that the teen belongs to a gang he decides it's worth taking his potentially ill-gotten gains.
The clever trickster points a single finger in the direction of the teen's pocket and silently casts the handy spell. A thin line of energy lances out of his extended digit and sails through the air toward the teenager. When the teen begins to move Lucas hisses in annoyance and expends a bit more magical energy to take advantage of the first skill he's gained as a result of an attribute hitting 50: arcane manipulation.
Days ago the young adventurer's passion for magic and healing resulted in two classes leveling up on the same day: mage and white mage. This resulted in his intelligence going from 49 to 52, and as a result of that he gained the ability to manipulate magical energy, so long as he can detect the magic in question and is willing to spend some magic of his own. In this world, where the figure is reasonably certain that no other magical beings exist, this means that to hone this skill the wizard needs to manipulate his own magic. Still, that hasn't stopped the young professional from tirelessly doing just that.
With a significant amount of focus the mage is able to manipulate the thin beam and twists and turns it so that it circles around the teen before snaking into his pocket and striking the young gangster's wallet. When Lucas feels the wallet enter his inventory he chuckles and makes his way out of the department store. The rest of this particular bout of training is filled with similar feats of arcane finesse and hilariously minor acts that will steal from those willing to enact violence on others in exchange for money. Lucas's clever usage of his skills coupled with his willingness to act in stunningly petty and annoying ways make him great at harassing those he designates his foes. Lucas, lacking an ability to kill those he fights thanks to a drawback affecting him, has thus far refused to actually engage those he has marked as his foes in direct battle but his desire to annoy them has led to willingly target people associated with criminal groups with some of his spatial magic.
In hours the figure is back home and he is toying with the newest toy he's received from his gacha system. A guitar sits on his lap and he fiddles with the instrument, even he listens to a video about how to tune the thing. Lucas is experimenting with something, and behind the tablet he gained some time ago is a book that contains information on tuning guitars. The tablet is in use, recording what the man is up to. An app is in use and it records the sounds the guitar chords make. The self-taught musician relies on some of his new skills for this, as he has only recently gained the "Guitar" and "Guitar Maintenance" skills, and he got them at different times so they are different levels. Nonetheless, the figure patiently records himself, occasionally stopping the recording and examining it. He is diligently using his long-term planning skills and sticking to his broad plan. At the same time the figure patiently uses magic and steadily hones the "Mage" class, using his magic skills to farm multiple sources of experience while adhering to the schedule he has informally given himself.
Eventually the next day rolls around and the figure, predictably, gets out of his apartment and goes to work. If you had explained the concept of "Jumping" to Lucas a year ago and asked him if he thought so much of it would be just working a 9-5 job he'd not have believed you and yet in the context of his experience with the unusual profession a stunning amount of time has just been him being a regular employee of a perfectly mundane business.
Time continues to pass for the would-be adventurer at a steady pace. In this mundane world a figure with legitimate supernatural abilities is a uniquely powerful presence, and this is especially true of one that is determined to keep his head down and nose clean. Lucas's determination to live a regular, relatively risk-free life does not stop him from living, but it does stop him from suffering from some sort of "Middle School Second Year Syndrome" as a result of the fact that he has gained trainable superpowers. Instead of going mad with power or gaining an unhealthy mentality Lucas has just enough knowledge of how jumping works to know that while he might be a big fish in this world he is not a big fish in other worlds like Fallout, The Elder Scrolls, or even something as aggressively hostile and oppressive as the general setting of Minecraft is.
If an objective, impartial onlooker viewing Lucas's life is given the chance to describe the sort of "Television Show" that they are watching, they'd say it could easily be considered slice-of-life. For the first few months of his time here the most exciting times are the rare moments he adds something new to his slowly expanding list of activities and the even more slowly growing list of things he can do, such as when he begins to walk the streets of the city he lives in at night and cast healing, positive, restorative magic on the sleeping homeless people he encounters. This activity ultimately earns him the peculiar title of "Unsung Saint", a title which enhances the effectiveness of his restorative or otherwise beneficial magic on those not aware of the fact that he is using magic on them.
Days of work, training, and controlled, planned forays into new pastimes, turn into weeks of steady and anticipated progress. Weeks of steady and anticipated progress turn into months of upward mobility and the healthy establishments of new baseline feats. That said, eventually progress slows and becomes more difficult for the jumper in a world as relatively safe, for supernatural beings, as this one. It doesn't take terribly long for Lucas to go from a somewhat predictable, fairly focused figure who is very specialized in a number of areas, to a somewhat more well-rounded figure with a steadily increasing repository of skills and abilities, thanks to a subtle shift in growth strategies.
Just a few days short of eleven months into his stay in this jump, the jumper is facing a new foe but is participating in an activity he's come to enjoy; sparring.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I dodge a well-aimed right-handed punch intended for my face, though thanks to my agility I easily had enough time to dodge it, It took a long time, from my viewpoint, for it to get close to me so long enough that I only let it get this close on purpose. I'm holding back in terms of my speed and strength but my opponent, a friend I made at the gym a few weeks ago, doesn't need to know that. I have way too many supernatural advantages for it to be a fair fight if I don't hold back.
I give my opponent enough time to register that I've dodged the blow before I begin to telegraph, purposefully, my next attack. I purposefully overextend my left arm and launch a powerful, but slow, strike. The man grits his teeth and moves to intercept my strike. He is fast enough to position his arm in front of it but that is still a mistake. I guide my blow into his arm and watch as he lets out a sincere, pained, grunt. Even with me holding back I still allow DPS to work its magic, and that perk coupled with both my trained and perk-enhanced strength is enough for me to deal him a decently powerful blow.
I retract my fist with a sly smile and note that the bars that cover my field of view are all going up at different rates. The bar for "Brawler", a class that's the result of "Fighter" giving me access to a new class when it hit level 10, my currently equipped class, is going up at a healthy clip as I spar with this man, as is the bar for "Precision Strikes" and "Acting", some of my skills. Most of the things going up at a decent clip are affected by "Jack of All Trades" a perk thatreduces the time and effort it takes for me to train up new skills to around the level of my average. Most of my other bars are only slightly going up, but this is acceptable. This sort of training is vital, long term, for my very survival, and thanks to my perks is pretty easy for me to do.
Behind me I hear a familiar voice cheering; Hannah's. The lovely redhead has begun to accompany me to the gym, but this is a somewhat recent development. Before a few weeks ago we only occasionally saw each other on Saturdays at the cafe she worked at, though we have been texting buddies ever since we met. Marcus, my sparring partner, grins savagely at me as he listens to my friend and gym buddy's cheers.
"I can't let you show me up in front of your girl, Lucas. We're not close like that." Marcus tells me, though the words are insincere. Marcus is a friend of mine, one who has even tasted my food, and that's something I don't let others do as much as I once did, barring people who go to the soup kitchen when I'm one of the volunteers on duty. My cooking can now do some decent stuff so I don't want to get anyone who isn't an ally or someone I need in my pocket overly reliant on my skills. I grin at the muscular bruiser of a warrior and dart back before gesturing for him to come at me like he means it. The man lets out a hearty laugh as he begins to pursue me. He is a touch taller than me and he has muscular, wide arms that take up a lot of space.
I watch, diligently, as he swings them at me when he is in the martial sweet spot of being close enough to hit me with a fully extended fist and being far enough away for me to strike back in an effort to preempt or counter his blow. I dart forward even as he stops advancing and duck underneath the strike before I use an active skill from my "Dancer" class to infuse my agility into my strength and hit him with a blow that disorients him. He steps back, a look of pain and confusion on his face as I step forward and move close enough to hit the man with a much softer blow to the chest. I feel his solid muscles block part of the harm done to him, but the blow is still solid enough that I watch his HP lower.
He gasps in pain and staggers back, and I smile at him and sense my triumph. He's only lost a small portion of his total hit points, but for normal people, one's total stock of HP is an abstraction of their physical health. For me, my HP serves as a skillful shield that protects me at all times, and for me to fall in battle someone has to whittle away my entire bar before they take me out. In fact, right now my HP is not maxed out; earlier I took a hit from Marcus that I'm still recovering from.
I take a step forward before Marcus signals that he needs a break. I laugh, the sound filling the part of the gym we're fighting in, and stop approaching the man. Hannah walks up to the ring and offers me some of her water as I walk toward one of the corners of the small ring. I silently gesture that I'll accept it and she tosses it at me. When the object is in my hand I use subtle telekinesis to mess with my boxing glove just enough to more easily hold onto the water bottle and sip from it. The cool water tastes good, and I smile as I feel it helping me relax as I wait to continue the fight. This is the sixth time I've beaten Marcus, but I'll give the man one bit of praise: he's persistent. He likes fighting enough that he is always eager to try and fight me, and I like fighting just enough to appreciate his resistance to the idea that I can beat him. It's not always easy for me to keep on finding partners that I can spar with.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In the days that follow this fight, the young jumper continues to spar with Marcus. He steadily trains his "Brawler" class, and takes on class skills that do things like make him a more efficient hand-to-hand fighter, even gaining skills that he suspects, and hopes that he won't need here; like the ability to launch a punch that can inflict damage at a distance.
The figure's volunteering remains a steadfast facet of his in-jump identity. The man gains popularity throughout the place that is, functionally, his hometown, as he becomes a well-known volunteer. He even makes the places he volunteers at more popular, using a steadily increasing amount of local and online popularity to advocate for the organizations he supports. This first began to occur about three months into his stay in the jump, but he really begins to leverage it at the six month mark and he quickly begins to slowly become a minor force in the community, taking advantage of his heavy charisma build to sway hearts and minds to his cause.
His days at work continue to remain fairly unchanged from how they were at the start of his time in the jump, though on very rare occasions he creates reports and the in-jump equivalent of PowerPoint presentations about the data he has compiled to his supervisor. He has also overseen a day of service for members of his department to go and volunteer at the soup kitchen where he volunteered on the day he met Hannah, allowing him a pleasant chance to practice his leadership skills. He earns his first pay raise just under a year into his stay in this setting.
Minor missteps occur along the way, such as the figure overbooking himself during one particularly hectic weekend, which annoys his friends and fellow volunteers but serves as a decently humbling experience for the overly eager adventurer and also shows his friends that he is, ultimately, human.
Lucas continues his relaxed, fairly peaceful days for more and more time. By the time he has been in the jump for a full two years his pre-jump life feels like a memory or a strange dream, though this change to his state of mind does not actually mean he cannot recall such a time only that he has fully acclimated to the realities of being a jumper. At least as much as someone who is still on their first jump can acclimate to such a thing.
A/N: I like this episodic style for the necessary time skips that a standard (or mostly standard) jumpchain story will require. Now I'm gonna say that this style won't be universal across all jumps since some jumps may be better suited to shorter timeframes. Heck some more story-intensive jumps may benefit from longer focuses on individual events and sequences of events, but we've gone past the tutorial phase for this jump and I think minor episodic looks at broad timescales is better than a thousand chapter story that only hits one year in a jump and ultimately gets dropped. That said, I know that I'm not doing this style of writing PERFECTLY, so I hope that I can use this to grow as a writer and to become better able to convey how long time skips affect the characters, relationships, and strengths of the people involved over time. Still, if nothing else this was fun.
ALSO, as an author's note that is unique to the subreddit: this story is being published on Spacebattles and the white line that cuts through parts of the story indicates a narration/viewpoint shift. On Spacebattles and several other places I write there are in-built formatting options that allow you to cut through a textbox with a horizontal line which serves as a visual marker for some significant change to some aspect of the story. The line I made was my attempt to do that here on Reddit. It's... not perfect, but hey I'm trying.
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Lucas steps past several cubicles and heads to his own with a calm smile on his face. He actually enjoys his job, not because he finds the work fulfilling but because it presents him with a chance to level up his skills and work towards becoming altogether stronger in a hilariously safe environment. The figure sits in his cubicle and logs into his work computer with a bright grin on his face. As he grabs the last pieces of paper in the backlog that was a big problem when he began to work for this company he feels a pang of pride.
The workday is pleasant enough. He successfully finishes the last pile of paperwork that was considered part of the backlog and this effort is celebrated by his direct supervisor and a few of the friends he's made in his department, a group composed of several men and only a few pair of women, who have been working here for years but lacked the abilities he possesses that allow him to grind out progress at a rapid rate and allow him to improve the work he does every single day without fail. The news quickly spreads throughout the office, and various people, including other departmental supervisors and managers, come to him and congratulate him.
When the day ends Lucas is one of the first people out the door. This is commonly expected Lucas-like behavior at this point so no one bats an eye at it. The figure works and then leaves, and he seems to have an incredibly strict policy about work-life balance to the point that no one from the office has seen his apartment or even seen him outside of the office aside from on social media.
The lad walks towards a nearby mall even as he checks his phone. When the decently cautious man is sure he's not being watched he uses his inventory to swap outfits, changing into something much more casual than his work uniform so he can do his equivalent of trolling. His clothes go from being the professional outfit someone might expect to see an accountant in, to the much more casual clothes of someone who works at a Game Station the local equivalent of a Game Stop.
The minute the figure reaches the mall he relaxes and steps into it with a smile on his face as he is suddenly and powerfully aware of events going on all around him now that the sounds he's been passively hearing for the last few minutes are not muffled by layers of solid American construction. The mall is a favorite haunt of his, a place where there are enough people that even if something goes awry he can pretty easily escape in the chaos and commotion that any sort of hostile actions would necessarily cause. Still, to the figure's credit he has not been caught yet.
The thief begins his training by carefully studying the department store he's in. He can be a bit bolder now than he could weeks ago, as in the time since he began to hone this skill he's enhanced it in such a way that he can teleport objects directly into his inventory, which is a tremendous improvement even if he can't take anything bigger or heavier than a cleaver. He eventually spots a teenager with a wallet that is just visible out of the corner of his pockets. Lucas diligently uses "Observe" on him and the powerful skill is strong enough now that Lucas can use it to determine someone's affiliations. When the young adult spots that the teen belongs to a gang he decides it's worth taking his potentially ill-gotten gains.
The clever trickster points a single finger in the direction of the teen's pocket and silently casts the handy spell. A thin line of energy lances out of his extended digit and sails through the air toward the teenager. When the teen begins to move Lucas hisses in annoyance and expends a bit more magical energy to take advantage of the first skill he's gained as a result of an attribute hitting 50: arcane manipulation.
Days ago the young adventurer's passion for magic and healing resulted in two classes leveling up on the same day: mage and white mage. This resulted in his intelligence going from 49 to 52, and as a result of that he gained the ability to manipulate magical energy, so long as he can detect the magic in question and is willing to spend some magic of his own. In this world, where the figure is reasonably certain that no other magical beings exist, this means that to hone this skill the wizard needs to manipulate his own magic. Still, that hasn't stopped the young professional from tirelessly doing just that.
With a significant amount of focus the mage is able to manipulate the thin beam and twists and turns it so that it circles around the teen before snaking into his pocket and striking the young gangster's wallet. When Lucas feels the wallet enter his inventory he chuckles and makes his way out of the department store. The rest of this particular bout of training is filled with similar feats of arcane finesse and hilariously minor acts that will steal from those willing to enact violence on others in exchange for money. Lucas's clever usage of his skills coupled with his willingness to act in stunningly petty and annoying ways make him great at harassing those he designates his foes. Lucas, lacking an ability to kill those he fights thanks to a drawback affecting him, has thus far refused to actually engage those he has marked as his foes in direct battle but his desire to annoy them has led to willingly target people associated with criminal groups with some of his spatial magic.
In hours the figure is back home and he is toying with the newest toy he's received from his gacha system. A guitar sits on his lap and he fiddles with the instrument, even he listens to a video about how to tune the thing. Lucas is experimenting with something, and behind the tablet he gained some time ago is a book that contains information on tuning guitars. The tablet is in use, recording what the man is up to. An app is in use and it records the sounds the guitar chords make. The self-taught musician relies on some of his new skills for this, as he has only recently gained the "Guitar" and "Guitar Maintenance" skills, and he got them at different times so they are different levels. Nonetheless, the figure patiently records himself, occasionally stopping the recording and examining it. He is diligently using his long-term planning skills and sticking to his broad plan. At the same time the figure patiently uses magic and steadily hones the "Mage" class, using his magic skills to farm multiple sources of experience while adhering to the schedule he has informally given himself.
Eventually the next day rolls around and the figure, predictably, gets out of his apartment and goes to work. If you had explained the concept of "Jumping" to Lucas a year ago and asked him if he thought so much of it would be just working a 9-5 job he'd not have believed you and yet in the context of his experience with the unusual profession a stunning amount of time has just been him being a regular employee of a perfectly mundane business.
Time continues to pass for the would-be adventurer at a steady pace. In this mundane world a figure with legitimate supernatural abilities is a uniquely powerful presence, and this is especially true of one that is determined to keep his head down and nose clean. Lucas's determination to live a regular, relatively risk-free life does not stop him from living, but it does stop him from suffering from some sort of "Middle School Second Year Syndrome" as a result of the fact that he has gained trainable superpowers. Instead of going mad with power or gaining an unhealthy mentality Lucas has just enough knowledge of how jumping works to know that while he might be a big fish in this world he is not a big fish in other worlds like Fallout, The Elder Scrolls, or even something as aggressively hostile and oppressive as the general setting of Minecraft is.
If an objective, impartial onlooker viewing Lucas's life is given the chance to describe the sort of "Television Show" that they are watching, they'd say it could easily be considered slice-of-life. For the first few months of his time here the most exciting times are the rare moments he adds something new to his slowly expanding list of activities and the even more slowly growing list of things he can do, such as when he begins to walk the streets of the city he lives in at night and cast healing, positive, restorative magic on the sleeping homeless people he encounters. This activity ultimately earns him the peculiar title of "Unsung Saint", a title which enhances the effectiveness of his restorative or otherwise beneficial magic on those not aware of the fact that he is using magic on them.
Days of work, training, and controlled, planned forays into new pastimes, turn into weeks of steady and anticipated progress. Weeks of steady and anticipated progress turn into months of upward mobility and the healthy establishments of new baseline feats. That said, eventually progress slows and becomes more difficult for the jumper in a world as relatively safe, for supernatural beings, as this one. It doesn't take terribly long for Lucas to go from a somewhat predictable, fairly focused figure who is very specialized in a number of areas, to a somewhat more well-rounded figure with a steadily increasing repository of skills and abilities, thanks to a subtle shift in growth strategies.
Just a few days short of eleven months into his stay in this jump, the jumper is facing a new foe but is participating in an activity he's come to enjoy; sparring.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I dodge a well-aimed right-handed punch intended for my face, though thanks to my agility I easily had enough time to dodge it, It took a long time, from my viewpoint, for it to get close to me so long enough that I only let it get this close on purpose. I'm holding back in terms of my speed and strength but my opponent, a friend I made at the gym a few weeks ago, doesn't need to know that. I have way too many supernatural advantages for it to be a fair fight if I don't hold back.
I give my opponent enough time to register that I've dodged the blow before I begin to telegraph, purposefully, my next attack. I purposefully overextend my left arm and launch a powerful, but slow, strike. The man grits his teeth and moves to intercept my strike. He is fast enough to position his arm in front of it but that is still a mistake. I guide my blow into his arm and watch as he lets out a sincere, pained, grunt. Even with me holding back I still allow DPS to work its magic, and that perk coupled with both my trained and perk-enhanced strength is enough for me to deal him a decently powerful blow.
I retract my fist with a sly smile and note that the bars that cover my field of view are all going up at different rates. The bar for "Brawler", a class that's the result of "Fighter" giving me access to a new class when it hit level 10, my currently equipped class, is going up at a healthy clip as I spar with this man, as is the bar for "Precision Strikes" and "Acting", some of my skills. Most of the things going up at a decent clip are affected by "Jack of All Trades" a perk thatreduces the time and effort it takes for me to train up new skills to around the level of my average. Most of my other bars are only slightly going up, but this is acceptable. This sort of training is vital, long term, for my very survival, and thanks to my perks is pretty easy for me to do.
Behind me I hear a familiar voice cheering; Hannah's. The lovely redhead has begun to accompany me to the gym, but this is a somewhat recent development. Before a few weeks ago we only occasionally saw each other on Saturdays at the cafe she worked at, though we have been texting buddies ever since we met. Marcus, my sparring partner, grins savagely at me as he listens to my friend and gym buddy's cheers.
"I can't let you show me up in front of your girl, Lucas. We're not close like that." Marcus tells me, though the words are insincere. Marcus is a friend of mine, one who has even tasted my food, and that's something I don't let others do as much as I once did, barring people who go to the soup kitchen when I'm one of the volunteers on duty. My cooking can now do some decent stuff so I don't want to get anyone who isn't an ally or someone I need in my pocket overly reliant on my skills. I grin at the muscular bruiser of a warrior and dart back before gesturing for him to come at me like he means it. The man lets out a hearty laugh as he begins to pursue me. He is a touch taller than me and he has muscular, wide arms that take up a lot of space.
I watch, diligently, as he swings them at me when he is in the martial sweet spot of being close enough to hit me with a fully extended fist and being far enough away for me to strike back in an effort to preempt or counter his blow. I dart forward even as he stops advancing and duck underneath the strike before I use an active skill from my "Dancer" class to infuse my agility into my strength and hit him with a blow that disorients him. He steps back, a look of pain and confusion on his face as I step forward and move close enough to hit the man with a much softer blow to the chest. I feel his solid muscles block part of the harm done to him, but the blow is still solid enough that I watch his HP lower.
He gasps in pain and staggers back, and I smile at him and sense my triumph. He's only lost a small portion of his total hit points, but for normal people, one's total stock of HP is an abstraction of their physical health. For me, my HP serves as a skillful shield that protects me at all times, and for me to fall in battle someone has to whittle away my entire bar before they take me out. In fact, right now my HP is not maxed out; earlier I took a hit from Marcus that I'm still recovering from.
I take a step forward before Marcus signals that he needs a break. I laugh, the sound filling the part of the gym we're fighting in, and stop approaching the man. Hannah walks up to the ring and offers me some of her water as I walk toward one of the corners of the small ring. I silently gesture that I'll accept it and she tosses it at me. When the object is in my hand I use subtle telekinesis to mess with my boxing glove just enough to more easily hold onto the water bottle and sip from it. The cool water tastes good, and I smile as I feel it helping me relax as I wait to continue the fight. This is the sixth time I've beaten Marcus, but I'll give the man one bit of praise: he's persistent. He likes fighting enough that he is always eager to try and fight me, and I like fighting just enough to appreciate his resistance to the idea that I can beat him. It's not always easy for me to keep on finding partners that I can spar with.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In the days that follow this fight, the young jumper continues to spar with Marcus. He steadily trains his "Brawler" class, and takes on class skills that do things like make him a more efficient hand-to-hand fighter, even gaining skills that he suspects, and hopes that he won't need here; like the ability to launch a punch that can inflict damage at a distance.
The figure's volunteering remains a steadfast facet of his in-jump identity. The man gains popularity throughout the place that is, functionally, his hometown, as he becomes a well-known volunteer. He even makes the places he volunteers at more popular, using a steadily increasing amount of local and online popularity to advocate for the organizations he supports. This first began to occur about three months into his stay in the jump, but he really begins to leverage it at the six month mark and he quickly begins to slowly become a minor force in the community, taking advantage of his heavy charisma build to sway hearts and minds to his cause.
His days at work continue to remain fairly unchanged from how they were at the start of his time in the jump, though on very rare occasions he creates reports and the in-jump equivalent of PowerPoint presentations about the data he has compiled to his supervisor. He has also overseen a day of service for members of his department to go and volunteer at the soup kitchen where he volunteered on the day he met Hannah, allowing him a pleasant chance to practice his leadership skills. He earns his first pay raise just under a year into his stay in this setting.
Minor missteps occur along the way, such as the figure overbooking himself during one particularly hectic weekend, which annoys his friends and fellow volunteers but serves as a decently humbling experience for the overly eager adventurer and also shows his friends that he is, ultimately, human.
Lucas continues his relaxed, fairly peaceful days for more and more time. By the time he has been in the jump for a full two years his pre-jump life feels like a memory or a strange dream, though this change to his state of mind does not actually mean he cannot recall such a time only that he has fully acclimated to the realities of being a jumper. At least as much as someone who is still on their first jump can acclimate to such a thing.
A/N: I like this episodic style for the necessary time skips that a standard (or mostly standard) jumpchain story will require. Now I'm gonna say that this style won't be universal across all jumps since some jumps may be better suited to shorter timeframes. Heck some more story-intensive jumps may benefit from longer focuses on individual events and sequences of events, but we've gone past the tutorial phase for this jump and I think minor episodic looks at broad timescales is better than a thousand chapter story that only hits one year in a jump and ultimately gets dropped. That said, I know that I'm not doing this style of writing PERFECTLY, so I hope that I can use this to grow as a writer and to become better able to convey how long time skips affect the characters, relationships, and strengths of the people involved over time. Still, if nothing else this was fun.
ALSO, as an author's note that is unique to the subreddit: this story is being published on Spacebattles and the white line that cuts through parts of the story indicates a narration/viewpoint shift. On Spacebattles and several other places I write there are in-built formatting options that allow you to cut through a textbox with a horizontal line which serves as a visual marker for some significant change to some aspect of the story. The line I made was my attempt to do that here on Reddit. It's... not perfect, but hey I'm trying.
2024.05.21 04:22 ma88j Finally asking for help
TW: unintentional self harm
I’ve been diagnosed with OCD since I was a little girl, 7yrs old to be specific. As an older kid and teenager, my symptoms and habits were mainly those like having to move objects, rereading a passage several times, walking in a particular way or saying a word multiple times. Reasoning being it would prevent an event happening or something of the such. Mainly just annoying.
I got to be 18 and things drastically got worse. I was a delivery driver and had to jab my leg with my keys before I could put it into the ignition, this terrified my family and I because it would leave terrible bruising. All of my shoes were scraped at the toe causing holes as I had to drag my feet when walking. It was no longer because it would prevent an event, it was to prevent a feeling I’d get if I did not do the actions. A terribly uncomfortable feeling and it would fill my head with inappropriate thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences.
I’m now 23 and some ticks have gotten worse, some have subsided. The one that has stayed the longest is one where I punch myself in the head or eye and nowadays mostly my left arm. This is the most jarring for those who witness it and something that is obviously incredibly painful, but mainly annoying with how used to it I am. I find I most often do this when stressed. Counting money, work, hard conversations, putting on clothes, losing a video game, taking meds, bathing… It’s made everyday life insufferable. I’ve had to adapt and my body is covered in bruises still. Those who are close to me are used to it as well, basically just act like it’s not happening. My coworkers are aware too. The entire thing is just awful and I’m tired of hurting myself but it feels even worse to not do it as I’ll be stuck with horrifying images in my mind.
My partner for a year and a half is bothered immensely by this. He’s gotten a bit more understanding but he has said multiple times it’s emotionally exhausting for him to have to witness. It’s been almost grounds for breaking up. I do feel for him as I can only imagine what it feels like to have your loved one go through this, but I can’t walk away like he can. I have to live with this every second every day.
I have avoided online discussion or learning about OCD as it itself triggers the ticks, but I’m at my wits end. I know many people with OCD but none in real life who has been so physically crippled by this disorder and I feel alone in this. My partner asks me, “What are you going to do when your future child sees you hitting yourself?” And it breaks my heart because my dream is to have a happy family one day.
I need therapy desperately but does anyone know any specific kinds I need to look out for? Any medication that’s helped? Anyone else have any similar symptoms?
submitted by ma88j to OCD [link] [comments]
I’ve been diagnosed with OCD since I was a little girl, 7yrs old to be specific. As an older kid and teenager, my symptoms and habits were mainly those like having to move objects, rereading a passage several times, walking in a particular way or saying a word multiple times. Reasoning being it would prevent an event happening or something of the such. Mainly just annoying.
I got to be 18 and things drastically got worse. I was a delivery driver and had to jab my leg with my keys before I could put it into the ignition, this terrified my family and I because it would leave terrible bruising. All of my shoes were scraped at the toe causing holes as I had to drag my feet when walking. It was no longer because it would prevent an event, it was to prevent a feeling I’d get if I did not do the actions. A terribly uncomfortable feeling and it would fill my head with inappropriate thoughts or flashbacks of traumatic experiences.
I’m now 23 and some ticks have gotten worse, some have subsided. The one that has stayed the longest is one where I punch myself in the head or eye and nowadays mostly my left arm. This is the most jarring for those who witness it and something that is obviously incredibly painful, but mainly annoying with how used to it I am. I find I most often do this when stressed. Counting money, work, hard conversations, putting on clothes, losing a video game, taking meds, bathing… It’s made everyday life insufferable. I’ve had to adapt and my body is covered in bruises still. Those who are close to me are used to it as well, basically just act like it’s not happening. My coworkers are aware too. The entire thing is just awful and I’m tired of hurting myself but it feels even worse to not do it as I’ll be stuck with horrifying images in my mind.
My partner for a year and a half is bothered immensely by this. He’s gotten a bit more understanding but he has said multiple times it’s emotionally exhausting for him to have to witness. It’s been almost grounds for breaking up. I do feel for him as I can only imagine what it feels like to have your loved one go through this, but I can’t walk away like he can. I have to live with this every second every day.
I have avoided online discussion or learning about OCD as it itself triggers the ticks, but I’m at my wits end. I know many people with OCD but none in real life who has been so physically crippled by this disorder and I feel alone in this. My partner asks me, “What are you going to do when your future child sees you hitting yourself?” And it breaks my heart because my dream is to have a happy family one day.
I need therapy desperately but does anyone know any specific kinds I need to look out for? Any medication that’s helped? Anyone else have any similar symptoms?
2024.05.21 04:10 Global-Departure-531 Is my (m22) bf tired of me (f20)?
We’ve been together for about 7 months now. He hasn’t done anything hurtful/harmful but I sometimes feel neglected.
He’d always be on his phone but when I ask, he’d say it’s because he feels awkward and bored. He’d be on his phone while im trying to talk to him, he’d be too distracted to even respond. He wouldn’t respond even after putting his phone down sometimes because “he didnt hear me”. Then when i talk to him about it, he’d ask me when he was on his phone. He doesnt even notice his own behavior.
He wouldn’t want to hold my hand or talk to me when it’s crowded. Especially when its around teenagers. On the bus, even when we’re sitting next to each other, he’d want to text me instead of actually talking to me. The last time we went to the mall, i tried to hold his hand as we were crossing the street and he dodged me without saying anything. Later says he felt awkward when it’s crowded.
I dont know how to feel sometimes. I know he loves me but he only really shows it when we’re alone. ive talked to him about it but he’d say he feels awkward when we’re outside.
We’d always be watching something together. We barely talk, like genuinely talk. Most of the time its me talking at him and waiting for a response. When i talked to him about this, he’d say we do talk, we do.
Is he bored of me or am I just being stupid? I feel like i keep going back to how he was treating me when we first started dating. he never did any of these when we were dating. Is he getting too comfortable and tired of me or am i overthinking too much? Maybe im being selfish, idk how to feel about it. it feels like he doesnt care, but i know he does. maybe he doesnt know how to show it?? I miss him even when we’re talking. Like i miss how it used to be back when he made me feel like he cared and actually liked me.
He never realizes just how he has made me feel recently even when i tell him. I feel so confused and conflicted because he isnt like this all the time. Just most of it. Cant say he doesnt care when he makes an effort to see me. Cant say he doesnt want me anymore when he cant get enough of me when he comes over. I dont know what to do anymore
TL;DR : My bf confuses me about how he feels towards me. He’s distant and not even present when we go out. But loves on me and cant get enough of me when we’re alone. I talk to him about everything but i feel like he doesnt get it.
submitted by Global-Departure-531 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
He’d always be on his phone but when I ask, he’d say it’s because he feels awkward and bored. He’d be on his phone while im trying to talk to him, he’d be too distracted to even respond. He wouldn’t respond even after putting his phone down sometimes because “he didnt hear me”. Then when i talk to him about it, he’d ask me when he was on his phone. He doesnt even notice his own behavior.
He wouldn’t want to hold my hand or talk to me when it’s crowded. Especially when its around teenagers. On the bus, even when we’re sitting next to each other, he’d want to text me instead of actually talking to me. The last time we went to the mall, i tried to hold his hand as we were crossing the street and he dodged me without saying anything. Later says he felt awkward when it’s crowded.
I dont know how to feel sometimes. I know he loves me but he only really shows it when we’re alone. ive talked to him about it but he’d say he feels awkward when we’re outside.
We’d always be watching something together. We barely talk, like genuinely talk. Most of the time its me talking at him and waiting for a response. When i talked to him about this, he’d say we do talk, we do.
Is he bored of me or am I just being stupid? I feel like i keep going back to how he was treating me when we first started dating. he never did any of these when we were dating. Is he getting too comfortable and tired of me or am i overthinking too much? Maybe im being selfish, idk how to feel about it. it feels like he doesnt care, but i know he does. maybe he doesnt know how to show it?? I miss him even when we’re talking. Like i miss how it used to be back when he made me feel like he cared and actually liked me.
He never realizes just how he has made me feel recently even when i tell him. I feel so confused and conflicted because he isnt like this all the time. Just most of it. Cant say he doesnt care when he makes an effort to see me. Cant say he doesnt want me anymore when he cant get enough of me when he comes over. I dont know what to do anymore
TL;DR : My bf confuses me about how he feels towards me. He’s distant and not even present when we go out. But loves on me and cant get enough of me when we’re alone. I talk to him about everything but i feel like he doesnt get it.
2024.05.21 03:02 rei_mayo I try to integrate my OCs and other characters in Honkai : Star Rail !
Hello !
So... I'm rei_mayo, and I have a little bit unrealistic project. I create OCs and I imagine characters in lore what would they be in game.
I'm French, so I'm sorry for my bad English ! I prefer precise that there is just original or official content in the post ! This is just from the currents versions of the game and from my head !
Since one year, I work in my free time on this project and there is multiple things :
-First part : the lore of the project, like the background and the location ;
-Second part : the relics, and the elevation materials ;
-Third part : the characters, and the banners ;
-Fourth and last part : the plot of the history (in the big lines).
I prefer to precise why I do this. When I play video games, I love to create characters when it's possible, and in MiHoYo games, it's not possible... But, create characters that only me like, it's very selfish, so I would like to present them to have notices if they are fantastic !
Lan discovers that and he purifies the planet, kill Abominations, destroys the plague mark. With the remains of the planet and the Xianzhouan (?) planet, he creates a huge boat, the Shìjiè-Chuán.
For comparative, the Shìjiè-Chuán is so huge that all the other boats can fit in with no problem. It's contains important locations like :
-The Judgment Palace : The place where the Ten Lords and the Generals Arbiters judges the most dangerous criminals. Despite the fact the criminals are jail in the Xuling, they really are judge in the Shìjiè-Chuán.
-The Starry Streets : Streets where neon, big screens and buildings are. The popular streets of the Shìjiè-Chuán, mix of tradition and modernity.
-The Fallen Garden : A garden where plants of all the planets who were saved by the Hunt are. It's also the place where the Yamato was before the Emanator of Lan gets him.
-The Shackling Prison : The prison of Xianzhou, where all the criminals of the Alliance are located. In the depths of the prison, just one person is remained... Shuhu, Emanator of Abundance.
-The siege of the Ten Lords Commission : The place where all the Ten Lords (not included the Fallen King and the Stellar Queen) are when there is no process. It's also the place where all the Judges, the Wraith Wardens and the Aurumations are when they don't have missions.
-The boats Goldsmithery : The place where the boats of the Alliance are repair. Actually, the Cangcheng is here for reparation after the destruction of Rahu.
-Other places... How to discover them ? Play~
And here is some clarifications !
So, who is the Marshals ?
In my idea, Hua is a false Marshal, to cover and hide the Shìjiè-Chuán, but she's really powerful. She would be a Fu Hua expy... And I will talk about her later...
The reals Marshals are Rei -The Fallen King- and Xingxing -The Stellar Queen-.
Rei is the Emanator (and the only) of Lan. Called the Fallen King because of a legend, he's considered like the most powerful person of the Alliance. He carries a divine katana called the Yamato-Shinigami. (nb : Yamato > Yama, Hindu god and judge of the dead. The Chinese god Yanluowang or Yanluo Wang has his origins in Yama. Shinigami > Death Kami). I will talk about him later.
Xingxing (nb : star (星星) in Chinese) is an Emanator of Nous and a Eclairor (?) of IX. Called the Stellar Queen because she uses stars with martial art for fight, she done renovations in the Shìjiè-Chuán for make it more modern. I will talk about her later too.
The Marshals are the boss of Xianzhou and of all the factions who follow the Hunt, like the Galaxy Rangers. They rule all the commissions, and are very important, but they rule different commissions. For example, The Fallen King rule the Cloud Knights, but the Stellar Queen rule the Artisanship Commission. The only Commission they rule together is the Ten Lords Commission.
Who is the Ten Lords ?
In my idea, the Ten Lords Commission would be composed with eight Lords and the two Marshals, and that would be the Ten Lords. In game, it's said that nobody knows where the commission is despite the members of the Commission them-self, but she would be in the Shìjiè-Chuán. The Ten Lords would be :
-The Fallen King ;
-The Stellar Queen ;
-Yuen (I will talk about her later) ;
-Styx, an Emanator of Finality and a member of the Galaxy Rangers (I will talk about him later);
-Athena (I will talk about her later) ;
-and other people... NPCs, so we don't care about them.
Who is really Hua ?
In my idea, Hua would be a "Marshal". When she (in my mind, she's a she) appears in public, she is the Marshal, but in the Shìjiè-Chuán, she's judge like a General. Her title would be the "Fenghuang" (nb : phoenix of Chinese mythology).She would be in the General of the Cangcheng when he would be repair.
But... The Cangcheng is destroyed, no ?
Yes, he was devoured by the activated planet Rahu. But in the year 8098 (so two years before the game), Rei destroyed Rahu (and killed ~10 000 000 000 of abominations). That liberated the remains of the Cangcheng, and Xianzhou is trying repair him.
Why Shuhu is in the prison ? Shouldn't be dead ?
Technically, she's in prison, but it's precised that nobody knows if it's the really Shuhu of not. In fact, in each prison of Xianzhou, a few reproductions mecha-organics were made by the Stellar Queen for hide the real Shuhu. In the Shìjiè-Chuán, she's just a spirit, seal in a transparant box cell. She just wants to talk with five persons : The Fallen King, the Stellar Queen, Yuen, Blade and Jing Yuan. The unique persons who know that Shuhu is alive are the Ten Lords, the Generals and the Stellaron Hunters. Her real body and remains are with the Abundance, but originally her remains were with Xianzhou, and her spirit was with the Abundance.
Now, here is some more lore that I created :
The Trinity of the Abundance :
If you never see Yaoshi, THEY have a lot of plants in THEIR representation. There is a wheat, a bramble, and a large tree.
I imagine that the members of Abundance considered that these three plants are divines. For them, the wheat represent the immortality, the bramble represent the price to pay for become immortal and the thanks to Yaoshi, and the tree represent the life the Abundance offer to the mortals.Traditionally, the Emanators must wear one of these three symbols. For example, Shuhu wears brambles for gives her blood to Yaoshi.
At the opposite, each plant that the Hunt has purified is considered as a sin. For example, each lotus in the Xianzhou Alliance is a sin for Abundance. But the lotus in the planets of Abundance are holy. The lotus is the incarnation of Yaoshi THEM-SELF, but only if it's in a planet of Abundance.
Rakshasa and Luocha :
If you know Luocha, I think I don't to explain that is said that he's related to the Abundance. And Luocha is an other name for "Rakshasa", a type of evil spirit of the Buddhist mythologize who are cannibals. So, I will tell you who they are :
So, after the planet of Luocha get destroyed and his wife gets killed under his eyes, Yaoshi gave to him immortality and powers to become an Emanator of Abundance. Luocha asks to resuscitated his wife, but Yaoshi tells that THEY will do that if Luocha destroys one of the different boats of the Xianzhou Alliance. But Luocha, who was a doctor in his original planet, cannot do that. But the time past, and he couldn't do that... But Yaoshi implants an sort of mara in him, like an evil spirit, so Luocha decided something.
I imagine that Luocha create a another corpse/puppet with remains of different corpses, and transverse the evil part of him in this, but not his powers and his immortality, to trying to find an another way to resuscitate his wife. He create a coffin with powers of Abundance for conserve the corpse of his love, and decided to leave the Abundance, and became a interstellar merchant for trying to discover how to resuscitate his wife.
But Yaoshi couldn't accept that. So THEY gave powers and life to the puppet contained Rakshasa, and THEY gave immortality. And Rakshasa became an Emanator of Yaoshi, for avenge him and Yaoshi. But because he was born from Luocha spirit, he has his savior of doctor.
Rakshasa tries, with Shuhu and the living planet Rahu, to destroy the Shìjiè-Chuán. But the Stellar Queen fought him, and "kill him". But Rakshasa false his death, and he takes with him the remains of Shuhu.
Rakshasa is known for his cannibalism and for his experiences. He's like a Dottore in term of personality, but more crazy and more psychopathic.
The Yamato-Shinigami and the divine spirits of the Hunt :
So, what is the Yamato-Shinigami ?
This saber is an odachi created by Lan, to purge the Abominations and for the Emanators of Lan. So, Lan created this saber with a galaxy and imaginary energy for this first Emanator, but when he dies, Lan hid the saber in the Shìjiè-Chuán for the next Emanator... A long time ago, Rei meditated in the Stellar Garden after the death of his mother, and the Yamato has called him. Since this event, he and the Yamato are lied and the odachi is his saber.
Lan doesn't choose the Carrier of the Yamato, but it's the saber himself who choose his owner. The saber has only two owners in his life : The first Emanator of Lan and Rei.
Lan doesn't place the powers he gives to his Emanator in the Emanator, he place the powers in the Yamato. More the Emanator does miracles and heroics acts, more the Emanator gain the power. Actually, Rei have 100% of his powers, but there is a state more powerful : the Resonance.The Resonance is a phenomenon that caused when the willpower of the Emanator and the willpower of the Yamato are the same, and the power of the Emanator are increase so much that the people say when the Fallen King reach this state temporary, he becomes powerful as a Aeon.
But this state can be permanent, if the willpower of Rei became so strong that him and the Yamato become just one. The spirit in the saber changes his form according to who is the person who meet him. And he doesn't fight, the spirit of the Yamato-Shinigami doesn't fight with Emanators. The Yamato measure ~225 cm/~7,3 feet, and his pound is unknown. (The pound depend of who carries the blade. Very light for the carrier but very heavy for the other)
But what are the divine spirits of the Hunt ?
Do you know the Lighting Lord ? I think yes.>! In the lore, it's "said" and showed that the past General of the Luofu, Teng Xiao, uses the Lightning Lord, like Jing Yuan. But not the same sword, because of the Starfall Reverie has been forged by Blade when he was Yingxing.!< So I imagined that :
The first Generals, when they passed away, Lan take there spirits and gives a lot of power. Since the creations of these spirits, they are give to the Generals, until they choose to retire. Then, it's give to the next Generals, and this cycle is repeated. These spirits are unlike of the spirit of the Yamato, because they don't give their powers and doesn't are in a weapon. Plus, the spirit of the Yamato can't fight with his carrier.
Technically, the General Arbiters are Emanators, like Rei, but the divine spirits changes all. Rei does have powers of Lan/The Hunt and he has the Yamato-Shinigami, but if he fights without, he changes nothing (just the fact that the Yamato uses as a multiplying for the slashes. But if the Generals fights without the spirits, it would changes. (it's a theory/created lore, so please, not rude in comments !)
So the divine spirits would be like the reasons why the Generals of the Hunt are considered as Emanators.
So, now, I think the first part is finish... Let's go to the second part !
For the relics, I imagine some relics and some planet ornaments :
1 : Set of the Tearful Child of the Moon :
Memories of the Moon's Child : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon remembers his mother during the day, and finds her again at night. The child of the Moon is said to protect his mother from nightmarish creatures as she searches for her lost husband among the stars.
Protective cuddly toy of the Moon's Child : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon protects his mother with his teddy bear during the day, and finds her again at night. It is said that the child of the Moon is always accompanied by his faithful teddy bear, which the Sun himself is said to have woven for him.
Moon's Child pajamas : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon protects his mother and walks the land by day, and finds her at night. The Moon Child is said to always be dressed in extremely light blue pajamas, and to protect him from any enemies he may encounter.
Warmth of the Moon's Child : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon protects his mother, the Moon, during the day, and joyfully reunites with her at night. It is said that the child of the Moon never despairs because of a gift from his mother, his maternal love.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Imaginary DMG by 10%.
4 pcs : Increases CRIT rate by 15% and the CRIT DMGS by 25% for 2 turns after the porter uses his skill or his ultimate. Not cumulative.
2 : Set of the Blazing Goddess.
Divine Crown of the Blazing Goddess : A crown of incandescent flowers that ignite the hope of being rescued. The crown shines like a beacon for a castaway, and illuminates the hope of new and flourishing days.
Divine brambles and roses of the Blazing Goddess : Bracelets sinking into the flesh and blooming incandescent roses of blood, awakening Beauty to the divine state. It is said that these roses are the most beautiful in all existence, and that it only blooms in contact with the blood of Beauty.
Divine dress of the Blazing Goddess : A burning and brilliant dress, making even the stars admire it. The flames of this dress conceal inestimable treasures, the words and thoughts of Beauty, which leave in diamond whispers and stellar sighs.
Graceful step of the Graceful Grace of the Blazing Goddess : Beautiful shoes covered in burning flowers, growing roses with every step. It is said that the whole universe could not help but admire these flowers with their incandescent beauty, and that the flowers admired Beauty itself.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases DoT by 20%.
4 pcs : Increases DoT by 15% when an ally or the porter deals DoT to an enemy. Increases fire DMGS by 15% when the porter uses their ultimate. The effect lasts 2 turns and can be accumulate 3 times.
3 : Set of the Keeper of the Fighting Will.
Ancient helmet of the Keeper of the Will : An old ancient helmet found on the ashes of a battlefield. When putting it on, you can hear the soldiers screaming and fighting, while the previous owner of this helmet beat to the rhythm to galvanize his troops.
Galvanizing Wands and Drum of the Will : Ancient drumsticks accompanied by a drum found on an old battlefield. If you strike the drum even once with the old sticks, you can feel your body filling with the will to fight.
Ancient chain mail of the Keeper of the Will : An old, slightly battered piece of mail, found on an old battlefield. Despite the age of the armor, it shines with a burning brilliance of an insatiable will to win and fight.
Ancient sandals of the Keeper of the Will : Old solid wooden sandals found on an ancient battlefield. When we put them on, a thrill spreads through our body, and a will to victory and battle is triggered.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increase Energy Regeneration Rate by 20%
4 pcs : For each enemy eliminated thanks to the porter's ultimate, increase the Energy Regeneration Rate by 5% and the DMGS by 15% for all the allies for 2 turns. The effect can be accumulated 3 times.
4 : Set of the Hopeless Plague Doctor.
Terrifying mask of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The mask of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. The hope go away and the despair arrives, to condemned all the patients, and give their blood to the greatest of the greatest Aeon, the Abundance.
Needle claws of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The claws of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. The plague in one, the despair in another, the immortality in another and the last takes the blood of the patients to give to THEM.
Calamity dress of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The dress of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. The blood and the suffer of all the people who became patients of this mad doctor are in this dress... But there is also the benediction of the Abundance.
Bloody boots of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The boots of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. Blood. Just blood. Only blood. Blood of THEM. Blood of Abundance. But serve as the shoes of the doctor. Of the mad doctor.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Max HP by 15%.
4 pcs : When the wearer consumed their HP or the allies's HP, their CRIT Rate and their CRIT DMGS get increased by 6% for 2 turns. This effect can be accumulated 4 times.
5 : Set of the Godly Hope Doctor.
Kindly mask of the Godly Hope Doctor : The mask of the doctor who has acceded to the redemption. Before, he was a Emanator, who tries to destroy for heals his love. But now, he's a doctor, a healer, and a benefactor... Despite his kind mask, a deep sadness live in his spirit, but he always live with his mask who hide his suffer.
Holy gloves of the Godly Hope Doctor : The gloves and the pendant of a doctor. The redemption and the kindness breathe in those objects, who have heals so many people. An holy energy can be feel in these accessories, and all the kindness of a man who loved his wife live in this.
Greatest coat of the Godly Hope Doctor : The coat of the doctor who heals all his patients. In this coat, all of the kindness and the healing power of this doctor are concentrate, but there is, hide in the depths of the clothe, a melancholy... A melancholy of his ancient planet.
Divine boots of the Godly Hope Doctor : The boots of the doctor who always heals his allies. In those shoes, all the journey of this doctor is gathered... Even if a kindness is present, the deep sorrow of all the travels that is here.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Max HP by 15%.
4 pcs : When the wearer heals their HP or the allies's HP, their Outgoing Healing and their ATK increase by 20% during 2 turns. This effect can be accumulated 4 times.
6 : Set of the All-mighty Burning Father.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Max HP by 20%.
4 : When the wearer deals Break DMGS or Super Break DMGS, the wearer and the allies gains Stack of "Blazing Child", up to maximum 6 stacks. "Blazing Child" increase the HP, the Break DMGS and the Super Break DMGS by 20% for each stack, and when the wearer gains 6 stacks, then the Energy Regeneration Rate increase by 10% and the Super Break DMGS increase by 50%.
Now, it's time to present the planet ornaments !
1 : ~Set of the Judgment Ship~
Judgment Palace of the Shìjiè-Chuán of Xianzhou : Sealed within this planar sphere is Shìjiè-Chuán, sacred land of Xianzhou. The World Ship floats and admires a new starry landscape every year to escape the abominations. You can see the Palace of Judgment, the Star Garden, the Goldsmith of Ships, and all kinds of other places, each one as important and fabulous as the last.
Promise of the Lovers of the Shìjiè-Chuán of Xianzhou : In Shìjiè-Chuán, it is said that the wind and rain bring back the dreams and promises of old. And some say that the promise of two lovers kissing in the rain can be heard in the Star Garden.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases the CRIT DMGS by 25%. If the CRIT Rate reaches 40/50, the CRIT DMGS are increase by 25%/35%, and the CRIT DMGS are increase by 10% each time that the porter uses their ultimate. The effect can be accumulated 2 times, and lasts 3 turns.
2 : ~Set of the Floral Echo of the Ashes~
Flowering ashes of Fjoralys : Sealed within this planar sphere is Fjoralys, a once flowery and warm planet. When the Destruction came, life and people on the planet all died. Not one survived. Except a little girl, daughter of the stars. Now, flowers of yesteryear rise from the ashes of Destruction, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Star goldwork of Fjoralys : In the flames of Fjoralys's destruction, only the stars and a little girl witnessed the massacre. And when life, flowers, and trees resurfaced, the stars cried with joy, washing the earth of all this sadness to put, in its place, colorful joy and flowers... Thousands of them.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases DoT by 12%. If the wearer deals DoT to an enemy, then the DoT dealt to enemies increases by 26%.
So, let's go to the next part !
3 : ~Set of the Duality of the Rulers~
Starry Yin and fallen Yang of the duality of Rulers : Sealed in this planar sphere are two complementary wills, that of the two rulers of Xianzhou, a brother and a sister. Depending on the inclination of the sphere, we can see different memories appear and disappear, like fleeting winds facing the erosion of time.
Brotherhood of the duality of Rulers : Tears, blood, joy and friendship are condensed in these threads of destiny. It is said that the years erode certain things, but the threads of destiny grow and become denser to the rhythm of the emotions of the two Rulers.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Break effect by 12%. Each time that the wearer or an ally deals Super Break DMGS, the wearer gains a stack of "Rule of Flame", up to maximum 4 stack(s). A stack of Rule of Flames increases Break Effect by 20%.
4 : ~Set of the activated planet Rahu~
Floral sea of lotuses of Abundance : Sealed within this planar sphere is the living planet Rahu, eater of Cangcheng and guardian of the lotus scourge. It is said that the living planet blows billions of lotus petals that rip the life force from humans and offer them to the abominations. On this planet lies its heart, the lotus floral sea, where abominations and Emanators bathe in the human suffering.
Bridge of Immortal Hope of Abundance : It is said that every Emanator must pass through the "bridge of immortal hope" if he wants to be in total symbiosis with his body. This bridge was carved from the flesh and blood of Yaoshi, after THEY fought with the Emanator of Lan thousands of years ago, and it now glows a beautiful blood red, and screams the damned who did not know how to listen to their bodies.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases the CRIT DMGS by 10%. If the HP of the wearer reaches 3000 or more, then their CRIT DMGS increases 20% more. Each 1000 HP more than 3000 HP increase the CRIT Rate by 5%.
5 : ~Set of the Sacred Land of Annihilators~
Sacred Temple of Annihilating Destruction : Sealed within this planar sphere are the ashes of the old and new worlds, in the form of the Temple of Destruction. Everything in this palace has been destroyed by Nanook and THEIR Ravager Lords, and the Antimatter Legion pines and enjoys the suffering extinguished by the devastating breath of Destruction itself.
Petals and sobs of annihilating Destruction : On the planets that the Legion destroys, the Ravager Lords always bring back two things, a person, the sole survivor, and flower petals sticky with blood. The petals then mingle with the sobs of the last living creature, creating pitifully perfect flowers and trees.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases ATK at 14%. If the HP of the wearer reaches 4000/5000 or more, then the DMGS of their ultimate and their skill increases by 15/25%.
6 : ???
2 pcs : ???
4 pcs : ???
7 : ???
2 pcs : ???
4 pcs : ???
So now, the elevation materials !
The Hunt : Ancient runny cord of the Divine Bow :
A thread who was once part of the Divine Bow of the Aeon of the Hunt, and who was emit after of a battle. It's now a shooting star. Used to level up Traces slightly for Hunt characters.
Purge Echo of the Divine Bow :
An image of the bow that Lan uses, who remain in the space and the time after THEY throw an arrow. Used to level up Traces moderately for Hunt characters.
Full Incarnation of the Divine Bow :
The bow that Lan uses, constitute by imaginary energy and stars, who can destroy space-times and galaxies. Used to level up Traces significantly for Hunt characters.
The Nihility : Fragment of lazy memory :
A glowing fragment of the memory of someone who has been blessed by the Nihility. Used to level up Traces slightly for Nihility characters.
Once nihilistic reminiscence :
The glowing piece of the memory of a past Eclairor of the Nihility. The rare images of the memories are colorless. Used to level up Traces moderately for Nihility characters.
Memory of an Auto-Annihilator :
A red glowing jewel, who contain all the life of an Auto-Annihilator. All the memories are scramble by the black sun. Used to level up Traces slightly for Nihility characters.
The Abundance : Godless tear of the Abundance :
Plague of the Immortal :
Suffering of the thousand recoveries :
The Harmony : (I don't have ideas, sorry T^T)
And for the other paths... You have to wait (Sorry T^T)
?.0 : Xixian (first phase) 5 star Harmony ; Thunde Yuen (second phase) 5 star Erudition ; Wind, with 4 star character
?.1 : Rakshasa (first phase) 5 star Abundance ; Ice/ Hua (second phase) 5 star Fire ; Destruction, with 4 star character
?.2 : Xingxing (first phase) 5 star Nihility ; Fire/ Rei (second phase) 5 star Hunt ; Imaginary
?.3 : Shuhu (first phase) 5 star Abundance ; Quantum/ Athena (second phase) Harmony ; Wind, with 4 star character
?.4 : Elio (first phase) 5 star Preservation ; Thunder (can change)/ Styx (second phase) 5 star Erudition ; Quantum.
So, who is Xixian ?
Xixian is the Lieutenant of the Shìjiè-Chuán. She's around 60, and she's a long-life specie. She wears a artificial arm, because Rakshasa cut off her arm during the battle of the Shìjiè-Chuán. She trusts the Fallen King and the Stellar Queen, but she's a little overprotective in them.
Xixian is a character of the Harmony who can increase different stats depending on the Path of the character. If it's a Destruction/Hunt/Erudition character, she can increase CRIT DMGS and ATK. If it's a Preservation character, she can increase DEF. If it's a Nihility character, she can increase the Effect Hit Rate and the DoT DMGS. If it's a Abundance character, she can increase the Outgoing Healing Boost. And if it's a Harmony character, she can increase ERR. Her bonus can last for 1 turn. Her ultimate can increase the duration of the bonus of the characters to 2 more turns.
So, who is Yuen ?
Yuen is one of the Ten Lords. Nicknamed as the Erudite, she's the most younger person named in the post of one of the Ten Lords. Despite the fact she's still a child/teenager, she's very wise and intelligent, and she's a very good strategist.
Yuen is a character of the Erudition that inflict wind DMGS. Her technique and her ultimate would change with her talent, Condensation. For example, less enemies are here, more DMGS are inflict : 5-4 enemies in the battlefield : Effect Zone ; 3 enemies in the battlefield : Burst ; 2 - 1 enemies in the battlefield : Unique target. But don't worry, you can choose what type of attack the skill does. Her talent can also increases her CRIT DMGS and ATK.
So, who is Rakshasa ?
Rakshasa is an Emanator of the Abundance, and he was the evil part of Luocha. His body was simply a puppet, but Yaoshi make his body organic... So he would be very flexible. He would fight with needle-gloves.
Rakshasa is a character of the Abundance who can heal... But with a particular way ! So, all the allies have a effect at the beginning of the battle : "Holy Sacrifice", who is his talent. When a character lost HP, the Holy Sacrifice absorbs his loss of HP, until a limit. The skill of Luocha can release the Holy Sacrifice for heals the ally, and makes the effect reborn. Release the Holy Sacrifice can increase the DMGS and the ATK of Rakshasa. Also, his talent take some allies's HP in each turn to increases the Holy Sacrifice. His ultimate, who would be an Burst, can uses the HP of the allies to increase the DMGS and the CRIT DMGS of Rakshasa, and then, he attacks the enemy/enemies. Then, he releases the Holy Sacrifice of all the characters to heal them.
His VA would be the same of Luocha, Craig Lee Thomas.
So, who is Hua ?
Hua is a sort of Marshal of Xianzhou. Even if in public, she appears as the Marshal, she's in reality the future General of the Cangcheng, and she possesses the divine spirit of the boat, the Inferno-Empress. Her nickname is the Fenghuang.
The Inferno-Empress would appears like a gigantic phoenix.
Hua is a character of the Destruction who deals Fire DMGS, but also Super Break Effect. So, the Inferno-Empress would be like the Lightning-Lord, but when shes uses her ultimate, the Inferno-Empress merges with her and she enters in the "Fenghuang" state. When she's in this state, every attack that Hua uses consumes her HP. But, each time that her HP get consumed, her Break Effect increase. The state lasts for 2 turns, and she inflects Super Break Effect. At the end, a sort of a ultimate attack is trigger and all the HP (even the HP that are not here, for example, if her max HP is 10000, but she only has 8000 HP, then her HP are going to be in -2000) are consumed and the Break Effect is increase in a certain value for each 500 HP that are consume, and she inflicts DMGS and Super Break Effect for the enemies who are in Weakness Break. She cans heal herself with the DMGS that she has done, but the heal cannot exceed 75% of her HP ! The Inferno-Empress deals Fire DMGS, and Super Break Effect to the enemies who are in Weakness Break.
So, who is Xingxing ?
Xingxing is one of the two Marshals of Xianzhou, the Stellar Queen, an Emanator of the Erudition, an Eclairor of the Nihility and one of the Ten Lords. She's the possessor of the Stellar Marks, a gift of the Erudition who can permits to create micro-stars and stellar flames to fight. With the power of the Nihility, she create black holes also for fight.
She's 17 years old, and she would uses the same model as for March !
Xingxing is a character of the Nihility who deals Fire DMGS. She cans add more DoT on enemies who already have DoT with her special DoT : Starburn, who can also inflects Burn. Starburn is inflect to the enemies with her skill and her ultimate. She can also reach multiple enemies because she does effect zone attacks. Her talent can increases the DoT DMGS she does to the enemies depending on their HP.
Her VA would be Judy Alice Lee (VA of Melinoë).
So, who is Rei ?
Rei is one of the two Marshals of Xianzhou, the Carrier of the Yamato-Shinigami, the unique Emanator of the Hunt, the chief of the Galaxy Rangers and one of the Ten Lords. Anyway, he's a very important person of the Xianzhou Alliance. He's from a forgotten planet, who has been destroyed by the Abundance. Rescued by the past Marshal, Lingyue when he was six years old, he quickly became one of the greatest fighter of the Alliance at his teenage years.
He is 19 years old, and he is around 1m96/~6,43 feet. (so I think he's one of the most tall character.). He's VERY muscular, and very handsome (according to me)
Rei is a Hunt character (an Emanator of this path) who deals Imaginary DMGS. His gameplay would be concentrate in the CRIT DMGS. Depending on the attacks, it's giving to him "Fallen Royalty" accumulations. When he has a certain number of this accumulation, he entering in the "Fallen King" state, who increased his CRIT rate and his CRIT DMGS and reinforce his skill and his ultimate. For his ultimate, it increases his CRIT rate and his CRIT DMGS, and he gives 9 slashes to the enemy. When he's in the "Fallen King" state, it's would increase his CRIT rate and CRIT DMGS, also gives XIII (4, 4, and 5) slashes to an enemy. For each slash that are a CRIT hit, an additional slash is inflect. Each additional slash increases the Rei's CRIT DMGS, and they do a CRIT vulnerability. If all the all the additional slashes has been concluded, then a last additional slash is inflect. When he does CRIT DMGS when he uses his ultimate in the "Fallen King" state, it's does another hit in the enemy.
Here is his description :
"One of the two Marshals of the Xianzhou Alliance, the Carrier of the Yamato, the Emanator of Lan and the Fallen King. Feared by his enemies, respected by his allies. He always wears a fickle smile, and he always brings death with him.
Lan, the Reignbow Arbiter entrust the Yamato to Rei, the greatest weapon of all the Alliance. As a great strategist, he's also a good brother. He knows all the Stellaron Hunters, and he's apparently in a relation with the Stellaron Hunter named Blade..."
His VA would be Kaiji Tang (the VA of Gojo).
So, who is Shuhu ?
Shuhu is an Emanator of Yaoshi, considered as the "daughter of the Abundance". She's always with a scythe made with the body of Yaoshi and with the bones of her victims. She has a very sense of the sadism and she hates the humanity for all they have done to her.
Shuhu is a character of the Abundance who deals Quantum DMGS. She has three skills : One where she consumes the HP of the allies for increase DMGS and CRIT DMGS, and she attacks the enemies. An other where she consumes her HP for increase DMGS and CRIT DMGS, and where she attacks the enemies. And the last where she attacks the enemies for steal the HP of the enemies for heals her and the allies. In her ultimate, she consumes her HP and the allies's HP for increase her DMGS, her CRIT DMGS and her CRIT rate, and she attacks the enemies for steal the enemies's HP and heals the allies.
So, who is Athena ?
Athena is one of the Ten Lords, nicknamed as the Protector. She's always with a owl named Zhìhuì (nb : wisdom in Chinese (智慧)), and is a real master of the strategy and the war inventions, but she's also one of the more oldest members of the Ten Lords.
Athena is a character of the Harmony who can increase the DMGS and the ATK of the allies with her skill. Her talent can increase all the allies's RES PEN and their SPD. Her ultimate can increase all the allies's CRIT DMGS for 2 turns, for a chosen ally, she cans place her owl for 2 turns, who inflict additional DMGS on the enemy/enemies who the ally attacks. Also, if the ally get attack, the owl defend them with a counterattack.
So, who is Elio ?
Elio is the chef of the Stellaron Hunters (and if you don't know that, you must haven't touch HSR). I imagine him as a cat (practically not imagine, because it's quite official, but not official, so you know), but he uses his puppet... I doesn't draw him because I know that his design already be... You know what. I imagine him very kind and mysterious.
Elio is a character of the Preservation who can predict the DMGS of the allies. His skill would be a shield. For his ultimate, it's would add a status for all the allies and him : "Forecast of the Script". This effect would last one turn, and would cancel all the DMGS the allies receive.
So, who is Styx ?
AH-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ! You have to wait !
First quest : " You and the Astral Express receive a mysterious call of Jing Yuan, who telling you that he have something important to said to you. The thing in question is that is a feast for the "saviors of the Luofu" (the Nameless) in the... Shìjiè-Chuán ?! Not time for chatting, Jing Yuan gives you the localisation of the mysterious ship, and the Astral Express start his new journey... "
Second quest : " After a few warp jumps, you finally reach the Shìjiè-Chuán, capital of the Xianzhou Alliance. After meet all of the Generals and the Lieutenant Xixian, it's finally the time for you to meet the Ten Lords, including the Fallen King and the Stellar Queen, real Marshals of the Alliance... "
Other quests...? You have to play~
The quest would be a quest long as Penacony... Maybe a little more... And there would be all the Nameless... Yes, Pom-Pom in the quest and he would use his powers ! If he has powers.
In the final boss of the Shìjiè-Chuán, the music would be like, if it's possible, of the song "Bad Apple". In the battle, the people singing for encouraging the ones who are fighting the final boss.
In the 1st phase, it's would be only the divine spirits who singing.
In the 2nd phase, it's would be all the soldiers and the divines spirits who singing.
In the 3rd and the final phase, it's would be all Xianzhou Alliance (yes, Lan included too !) who singing.
The "R" attack ( like the Dan Heng attack during the Phantylia fight ) would be all the divine spirits and the two Marshals conferring their power to the Trailblazer, and then, he/she slashes the boss.
So, it's the end of the post... If you have questions for clarify something, you can in comments, and I would be respond with pleasure !
Bye byeeeeee !
submitted by rei_mayo to HonkaiStarRail [link] [comments]
So... I'm rei_mayo, and I have a little bit unrealistic project. I create OCs and I imagine characters in lore what would they be in game.
I'm French, so I'm sorry for my bad English ! I prefer precise that there is just original or official content in the post ! This is just from the currents versions of the game and from my head !
Since one year, I work in my free time on this project and there is multiple things :
-First part : the lore of the project, like the background and the location ;
-Second part : the relics, and the elevation materials ;
-Third part : the characters, and the banners ;
-Fourth and last part : the plot of the history (in the big lines).
I prefer to precise why I do this. When I play video games, I love to create characters when it's possible, and in MiHoYo games, it's not possible... But, create characters that only me like, it's very selfish, so I would like to present them to have notices if they are fantastic !
First part :
So, the history would be in a location called the "Shìjiè-Chuán of Xianzhou" (nb : mean Ship-World (世界船) in Chinese). The Shìjiè-Chuán is the capital and the most important part of the Alliance. A little time after Lan became an Aeon, Yaoshi asks to an Emanator to kill the Emperor of Xianzhou and to make a plague mark in the original planet of Xianzhou.Lan discovers that and he purifies the planet, kill Abominations, destroys the plague mark. With the remains of the planet and the Xianzhouan (?) planet, he creates a huge boat, the Shìjiè-Chuán.
For comparative, the Shìjiè-Chuán is so huge that all the other boats can fit in with no problem. It's contains important locations like :
-The Judgment Palace : The place where the Ten Lords and the Generals Arbiters judges the most dangerous criminals. Despite the fact the criminals are jail in the Xuling, they really are judge in the Shìjiè-Chuán.
-The Starry Streets : Streets where neon, big screens and buildings are. The popular streets of the Shìjiè-Chuán, mix of tradition and modernity.
-The Fallen Garden : A garden where plants of all the planets who were saved by the Hunt are. It's also the place where the Yamato was before the Emanator of Lan gets him.
-The Shackling Prison : The prison of Xianzhou, where all the criminals of the Alliance are located. In the depths of the prison, just one person is remained... Shuhu, Emanator of Abundance.
-The siege of the Ten Lords Commission : The place where all the Ten Lords (not included the Fallen King and the Stellar Queen) are when there is no process. It's also the place where all the Judges, the Wraith Wardens and the Aurumations are when they don't have missions.
-The boats Goldsmithery : The place where the boats of the Alliance are repair. Actually, the Cangcheng is here for reparation after the destruction of Rahu.
-Other places... How to discover them ? Play~
And here is some clarifications !
So, who is the Marshals ?
In my idea, Hua is a false Marshal, to cover and hide the Shìjiè-Chuán, but she's really powerful. She would be a Fu Hua expy... And I will talk about her later...
The reals Marshals are Rei -The Fallen King- and Xingxing -The Stellar Queen-.
Rei is the Emanator (and the only) of Lan. Called the Fallen King because of a legend, he's considered like the most powerful person of the Alliance. He carries a divine katana called the Yamato-Shinigami. (nb : Yamato > Yama, Hindu god and judge of the dead. The Chinese god Yanluowang or Yanluo Wang has his origins in Yama. Shinigami > Death Kami). I will talk about him later.
Xingxing (nb : star (星星) in Chinese) is an Emanator of Nous and a Eclairor (?) of IX. Called the Stellar Queen because she uses stars with martial art for fight, she done renovations in the Shìjiè-Chuán for make it more modern. I will talk about her later too.
The Marshals are the boss of Xianzhou and of all the factions who follow the Hunt, like the Galaxy Rangers. They rule all the commissions, and are very important, but they rule different commissions. For example, The Fallen King rule the Cloud Knights, but the Stellar Queen rule the Artisanship Commission. The only Commission they rule together is the Ten Lords Commission.
Who is the Ten Lords ?
In my idea, the Ten Lords Commission would be composed with eight Lords and the two Marshals, and that would be the Ten Lords. In game, it's said that nobody knows where the commission is despite the members of the Commission them-self, but she would be in the Shìjiè-Chuán. The Ten Lords would be :
-The Fallen King ;
-The Stellar Queen ;
-Yuen (I will talk about her later) ;
-Styx, an Emanator of Finality and a member of the Galaxy Rangers (I will talk about him later);
-Athena (I will talk about her later) ;
-and other people... NPCs, so we don't care about them.
Who is really Hua ?
In my idea, Hua would be a "Marshal". When she (in my mind, she's a she) appears in public, she is the Marshal, but in the Shìjiè-Chuán, she's judge like a General. Her title would be the "Fenghuang" (nb : phoenix of Chinese mythology).She would be in the General of the Cangcheng when he would be repair.
But... The Cangcheng is destroyed, no ?
Yes, he was devoured by the activated planet Rahu. But in the year 8098 (so two years before the game), Rei destroyed Rahu (and killed ~10 000 000 000 of abominations). That liberated the remains of the Cangcheng, and Xianzhou is trying repair him.
Why Shuhu is in the prison ? Shouldn't be dead ?
Technically, she's in prison, but it's precised that nobody knows if it's the really Shuhu of not. In fact, in each prison of Xianzhou, a few reproductions mecha-organics were made by the Stellar Queen for hide the real Shuhu. In the Shìjiè-Chuán, she's just a spirit, seal in a transparant box cell. She just wants to talk with five persons : The Fallen King, the Stellar Queen, Yuen, Blade and Jing Yuan. The unique persons who know that Shuhu is alive are the Ten Lords, the Generals and the Stellaron Hunters. Her real body and remains are with the Abundance, but originally her remains were with Xianzhou, and her spirit was with the Abundance.
Now, here is some more lore that I created :
The Trinity of the Abundance :
If you never see Yaoshi, THEY have a lot of plants in THEIR representation. There is a wheat, a bramble, and a large tree.
I imagine that the members of Abundance considered that these three plants are divines. For them, the wheat represent the immortality, the bramble represent the price to pay for become immortal and the thanks to Yaoshi, and the tree represent the life the Abundance offer to the mortals.Traditionally, the Emanators must wear one of these three symbols. For example, Shuhu wears brambles for gives her blood to Yaoshi.
At the opposite, each plant that the Hunt has purified is considered as a sin. For example, each lotus in the Xianzhou Alliance is a sin for Abundance. But the lotus in the planets of Abundance are holy. The lotus is the incarnation of Yaoshi THEM-SELF, but only if it's in a planet of Abundance.
Rakshasa and Luocha :
If you know Luocha, I think I don't to explain that is said that he's related to the Abundance. And Luocha is an other name for "Rakshasa", a type of evil spirit of the Buddhist mythologize who are cannibals. So, I will tell you who they are :
So, after the planet of Luocha get destroyed and his wife gets killed under his eyes, Yaoshi gave to him immortality and powers to become an Emanator of Abundance. Luocha asks to resuscitated his wife, but Yaoshi tells that THEY will do that if Luocha destroys one of the different boats of the Xianzhou Alliance. But Luocha, who was a doctor in his original planet, cannot do that. But the time past, and he couldn't do that... But Yaoshi implants an sort of mara in him, like an evil spirit, so Luocha decided something.
I imagine that Luocha create a another corpse/puppet with remains of different corpses, and transverse the evil part of him in this, but not his powers and his immortality, to trying to find an another way to resuscitate his wife. He create a coffin with powers of Abundance for conserve the corpse of his love, and decided to leave the Abundance, and became a interstellar merchant for trying to discover how to resuscitate his wife.
But Yaoshi couldn't accept that. So THEY gave powers and life to the puppet contained Rakshasa, and THEY gave immortality. And Rakshasa became an Emanator of Yaoshi, for avenge him and Yaoshi. But because he was born from Luocha spirit, he has his savior of doctor.
Rakshasa tries, with Shuhu and the living planet Rahu, to destroy the Shìjiè-Chuán. But the Stellar Queen fought him, and "kill him". But Rakshasa false his death, and he takes with him the remains of Shuhu.
Rakshasa is known for his cannibalism and for his experiences. He's like a Dottore in term of personality, but more crazy and more psychopathic.
The Yamato-Shinigami and the divine spirits of the Hunt :
So, what is the Yamato-Shinigami ?
This saber is an odachi created by Lan, to purge the Abominations and for the Emanators of Lan. So, Lan created this saber with a galaxy and imaginary energy for this first Emanator, but when he dies, Lan hid the saber in the Shìjiè-Chuán for the next Emanator... A long time ago, Rei meditated in the Stellar Garden after the death of his mother, and the Yamato has called him. Since this event, he and the Yamato are lied and the odachi is his saber.
Lan doesn't choose the Carrier of the Yamato, but it's the saber himself who choose his owner. The saber has only two owners in his life : The first Emanator of Lan and Rei.
Lan doesn't place the powers he gives to his Emanator in the Emanator, he place the powers in the Yamato. More the Emanator does miracles and heroics acts, more the Emanator gain the power. Actually, Rei have 100% of his powers, but there is a state more powerful : the Resonance.The Resonance is a phenomenon that caused when the willpower of the Emanator and the willpower of the Yamato are the same, and the power of the Emanator are increase so much that the people say when the Fallen King reach this state temporary, he becomes powerful as a Aeon.
But this state can be permanent, if the willpower of Rei became so strong that him and the Yamato become just one. The spirit in the saber changes his form according to who is the person who meet him. And he doesn't fight, the spirit of the Yamato-Shinigami doesn't fight with Emanators. The Yamato measure ~225 cm/~7,3 feet, and his pound is unknown. (The pound depend of who carries the blade. Very light for the carrier but very heavy for the other)
But what are the divine spirits of the Hunt ?
Do you know the Lighting Lord ? I think yes.>! In the lore, it's "said" and showed that the past General of the Luofu, Teng Xiao, uses the Lightning Lord, like Jing Yuan. But not the same sword, because of the Starfall Reverie has been forged by Blade when he was Yingxing.!< So I imagined that :
The first Generals, when they passed away, Lan take there spirits and gives a lot of power. Since the creations of these spirits, they are give to the Generals, until they choose to retire. Then, it's give to the next Generals, and this cycle is repeated. These spirits are unlike of the spirit of the Yamato, because they don't give their powers and doesn't are in a weapon. Plus, the spirit of the Yamato can't fight with his carrier.
Technically, the General Arbiters are Emanators, like Rei, but the divine spirits changes all. Rei does have powers of Lan/The Hunt and he has the Yamato-Shinigami, but if he fights without, he changes nothing (just the fact that the Yamato uses as a multiplying for the slashes. But if the Generals fights without the spirits, it would changes. (it's a theory/created lore, so please, not rude in comments !)
So the divine spirits would be like the reasons why the Generals of the Hunt are considered as Emanators.
So, now, I think the first part is finish... Let's go to the second part !
Second part :
The relics :For the relics, I imagine some relics and some planet ornaments :
1 : Set of the Tearful Child of the Moon :
Memories of the Moon's Child : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon remembers his mother during the day, and finds her again at night. The child of the Moon is said to protect his mother from nightmarish creatures as she searches for her lost husband among the stars.
Protective cuddly toy of the Moon's Child : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon protects his mother with his teddy bear during the day, and finds her again at night. It is said that the child of the Moon is always accompanied by his faithful teddy bear, which the Sun himself is said to have woven for him.
Moon's Child pajamas : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon protects his mother and walks the land by day, and finds her at night. The Moon Child is said to always be dressed in extremely light blue pajamas, and to protect him from any enemies he may encounter.
Warmth of the Moon's Child : Beyond dreams, the tearful child of the Moon protects his mother, the Moon, during the day, and joyfully reunites with her at night. It is said that the child of the Moon never despairs because of a gift from his mother, his maternal love.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Imaginary DMG by 10%.
4 pcs : Increases CRIT rate by 15% and the CRIT DMGS by 25% for 2 turns after the porter uses his skill or his ultimate. Not cumulative.
2 : Set of the Blazing Goddess.
Divine Crown of the Blazing Goddess : A crown of incandescent flowers that ignite the hope of being rescued. The crown shines like a beacon for a castaway, and illuminates the hope of new and flourishing days.
Divine brambles and roses of the Blazing Goddess : Bracelets sinking into the flesh and blooming incandescent roses of blood, awakening Beauty to the divine state. It is said that these roses are the most beautiful in all existence, and that it only blooms in contact with the blood of Beauty.
Divine dress of the Blazing Goddess : A burning and brilliant dress, making even the stars admire it. The flames of this dress conceal inestimable treasures, the words and thoughts of Beauty, which leave in diamond whispers and stellar sighs.
Graceful step of the Graceful Grace of the Blazing Goddess : Beautiful shoes covered in burning flowers, growing roses with every step. It is said that the whole universe could not help but admire these flowers with their incandescent beauty, and that the flowers admired Beauty itself.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases DoT by 20%.
4 pcs : Increases DoT by 15% when an ally or the porter deals DoT to an enemy. Increases fire DMGS by 15% when the porter uses their ultimate. The effect lasts 2 turns and can be accumulate 3 times.
3 : Set of the Keeper of the Fighting Will.
Ancient helmet of the Keeper of the Will : An old ancient helmet found on the ashes of a battlefield. When putting it on, you can hear the soldiers screaming and fighting, while the previous owner of this helmet beat to the rhythm to galvanize his troops.
Galvanizing Wands and Drum of the Will : Ancient drumsticks accompanied by a drum found on an old battlefield. If you strike the drum even once with the old sticks, you can feel your body filling with the will to fight.
Ancient chain mail of the Keeper of the Will : An old, slightly battered piece of mail, found on an old battlefield. Despite the age of the armor, it shines with a burning brilliance of an insatiable will to win and fight.
Ancient sandals of the Keeper of the Will : Old solid wooden sandals found on an ancient battlefield. When we put them on, a thrill spreads through our body, and a will to victory and battle is triggered.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increase Energy Regeneration Rate by 20%
4 pcs : For each enemy eliminated thanks to the porter's ultimate, increase the Energy Regeneration Rate by 5% and the DMGS by 15% for all the allies for 2 turns. The effect can be accumulated 3 times.
4 : Set of the Hopeless Plague Doctor.
Terrifying mask of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The mask of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. The hope go away and the despair arrives, to condemned all the patients, and give their blood to the greatest of the greatest Aeon, the Abundance.
Needle claws of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The claws of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. The plague in one, the despair in another, the immortality in another and the last takes the blood of the patients to give to THEM.
Calamity dress of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The dress of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. The blood and the suffer of all the people who became patients of this mad doctor are in this dress... But there is also the benediction of the Abundance.
Bloody boots of the Hopeless Plague Doctor : The boots of a doctor who kills, destroys, and inoculates plague and immortality to the mortals. Blood. Just blood. Only blood. Blood of THEM. Blood of Abundance. But serve as the shoes of the doctor. Of the mad doctor.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Max HP by 15%.
4 pcs : When the wearer consumed their HP or the allies's HP, their CRIT Rate and their CRIT DMGS get increased by 6% for 2 turns. This effect can be accumulated 4 times.
5 : Set of the Godly Hope Doctor.
Kindly mask of the Godly Hope Doctor : The mask of the doctor who has acceded to the redemption. Before, he was a Emanator, who tries to destroy for heals his love. But now, he's a doctor, a healer, and a benefactor... Despite his kind mask, a deep sadness live in his spirit, but he always live with his mask who hide his suffer.
Holy gloves of the Godly Hope Doctor : The gloves and the pendant of a doctor. The redemption and the kindness breathe in those objects, who have heals so many people. An holy energy can be feel in these accessories, and all the kindness of a man who loved his wife live in this.
Greatest coat of the Godly Hope Doctor : The coat of the doctor who heals all his patients. In this coat, all of the kindness and the healing power of this doctor are concentrate, but there is, hide in the depths of the clothe, a melancholy... A melancholy of his ancient planet.
Divine boots of the Godly Hope Doctor : The boots of the doctor who always heals his allies. In those shoes, all the journey of this doctor is gathered... Even if a kindness is present, the deep sorrow of all the travels that is here.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Max HP by 15%.
4 pcs : When the wearer heals their HP or the allies's HP, their Outgoing Healing and their ATK increase by 20% during 2 turns. This effect can be accumulated 4 times.
6 : Set of the All-mighty Burning Father.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Max HP by 20%.
4 : When the wearer deals Break DMGS or Super Break DMGS, the wearer and the allies gains Stack of "Blazing Child", up to maximum 6 stacks. "Blazing Child" increase the HP, the Break DMGS and the Super Break DMGS by 20% for each stack, and when the wearer gains 6 stacks, then the Energy Regeneration Rate increase by 10% and the Super Break DMGS increase by 50%.
Now, it's time to present the planet ornaments !
1 : ~Set of the Judgment Ship~
Judgment Palace of the Shìjiè-Chuán of Xianzhou : Sealed within this planar sphere is Shìjiè-Chuán, sacred land of Xianzhou. The World Ship floats and admires a new starry landscape every year to escape the abominations. You can see the Palace of Judgment, the Star Garden, the Goldsmith of Ships, and all kinds of other places, each one as important and fabulous as the last.
Promise of the Lovers of the Shìjiè-Chuán of Xianzhou : In Shìjiè-Chuán, it is said that the wind and rain bring back the dreams and promises of old. And some say that the promise of two lovers kissing in the rain can be heard in the Star Garden.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases the CRIT DMGS by 25%. If the CRIT Rate reaches 40/50, the CRIT DMGS are increase by 25%/35%, and the CRIT DMGS are increase by 10% each time that the porter uses their ultimate. The effect can be accumulated 2 times, and lasts 3 turns.
2 : ~Set of the Floral Echo of the Ashes~
Flowering ashes of Fjoralys : Sealed within this planar sphere is Fjoralys, a once flowery and warm planet. When the Destruction came, life and people on the planet all died. Not one survived. Except a little girl, daughter of the stars. Now, flowers of yesteryear rise from the ashes of Destruction, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Star goldwork of Fjoralys : In the flames of Fjoralys's destruction, only the stars and a little girl witnessed the massacre. And when life, flowers, and trees resurfaced, the stars cried with joy, washing the earth of all this sadness to put, in its place, colorful joy and flowers... Thousands of them.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases DoT by 12%. If the wearer deals DoT to an enemy, then the DoT dealt to enemies increases by 26%.
So, let's go to the next part !
3 : ~Set of the Duality of the Rulers~
Starry Yin and fallen Yang of the duality of Rulers : Sealed in this planar sphere are two complementary wills, that of the two rulers of Xianzhou, a brother and a sister. Depending on the inclination of the sphere, we can see different memories appear and disappear, like fleeting winds facing the erosion of time.
Brotherhood of the duality of Rulers : Tears, blood, joy and friendship are condensed in these threads of destiny. It is said that the years erode certain things, but the threads of destiny grow and become denser to the rhythm of the emotions of the two Rulers.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases Break effect by 12%. Each time that the wearer or an ally deals Super Break DMGS, the wearer gains a stack of "Rule of Flame", up to maximum 4 stack(s). A stack of Rule of Flames increases Break Effect by 20%.
4 : ~Set of the activated planet Rahu~
Floral sea of lotuses of Abundance : Sealed within this planar sphere is the living planet Rahu, eater of Cangcheng and guardian of the lotus scourge. It is said that the living planet blows billions of lotus petals that rip the life force from humans and offer them to the abominations. On this planet lies its heart, the lotus floral sea, where abominations and Emanators bathe in the human suffering.
Bridge of Immortal Hope of Abundance : It is said that every Emanator must pass through the "bridge of immortal hope" if he wants to be in total symbiosis with his body. This bridge was carved from the flesh and blood of Yaoshi, after THEY fought with the Emanator of Lan thousands of years ago, and it now glows a beautiful blood red, and screams the damned who did not know how to listen to their bodies.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases the CRIT DMGS by 10%. If the HP of the wearer reaches 3000 or more, then their CRIT DMGS increases 20% more. Each 1000 HP more than 3000 HP increase the CRIT Rate by 5%.
5 : ~Set of the Sacred Land of Annihilators~
Sacred Temple of Annihilating Destruction : Sealed within this planar sphere are the ashes of the old and new worlds, in the form of the Temple of Destruction. Everything in this palace has been destroyed by Nanook and THEIR Ravager Lords, and the Antimatter Legion pines and enjoys the suffering extinguished by the devastating breath of Destruction itself.
Petals and sobs of annihilating Destruction : On the planets that the Legion destroys, the Ravager Lords always bring back two things, a person, the sole survivor, and flower petals sticky with blood. The petals then mingle with the sobs of the last living creature, creating pitifully perfect flowers and trees.
Effect :
2 pcs : Increases ATK at 14%. If the HP of the wearer reaches 4000/5000 or more, then the DMGS of their ultimate and their skill increases by 15/25%.
6 : ???
2 pcs : ???
4 pcs : ???
7 : ???
2 pcs : ???
4 pcs : ???
So now, the elevation materials !
The Hunt : Ancient runny cord of the Divine Bow :
A thread who was once part of the Divine Bow of the Aeon of the Hunt, and who was emit after of a battle. It's now a shooting star. Used to level up Traces slightly for Hunt characters.
Purge Echo of the Divine Bow :
An image of the bow that Lan uses, who remain in the space and the time after THEY throw an arrow. Used to level up Traces moderately for Hunt characters.
Full Incarnation of the Divine Bow :
The bow that Lan uses, constitute by imaginary energy and stars, who can destroy space-times and galaxies. Used to level up Traces significantly for Hunt characters.
The Nihility : Fragment of lazy memory :
A glowing fragment of the memory of someone who has been blessed by the Nihility. Used to level up Traces slightly for Nihility characters.
Once nihilistic reminiscence :
The glowing piece of the memory of a past Eclairor of the Nihility. The rare images of the memories are colorless. Used to level up Traces moderately for Nihility characters.
Memory of an Auto-Annihilator :
A red glowing jewel, who contain all the life of an Auto-Annihilator. All the memories are scramble by the black sun. Used to level up Traces slightly for Nihility characters.
The Abundance : Godless tear of the Abundance :
Plague of the Immortal :
Suffering of the thousand recoveries :
The Harmony : (I don't have ideas, sorry T^T)
And for the other paths... You have to wait (Sorry T^T)
Third part :
For the order of apparition of the characters, it would be :?.0 : Xixian (first phase) 5 star Harmony ; Thunde Yuen (second phase) 5 star Erudition ; Wind, with 4 star character
?.1 : Rakshasa (first phase) 5 star Abundance ; Ice/ Hua (second phase) 5 star Fire ; Destruction, with 4 star character
?.2 : Xingxing (first phase) 5 star Nihility ; Fire/ Rei (second phase) 5 star Hunt ; Imaginary
?.3 : Shuhu (first phase) 5 star Abundance ; Quantum/ Athena (second phase) Harmony ; Wind, with 4 star character
?.4 : Elio (first phase) 5 star Preservation ; Thunder (can change)/ Styx (second phase) 5 star Erudition ; Quantum.
So, who is Xixian ?
Xixian is the Lieutenant of the Shìjiè-Chuán. She's around 60, and she's a long-life specie. She wears a artificial arm, because Rakshasa cut off her arm during the battle of the Shìjiè-Chuán. She trusts the Fallen King and the Stellar Queen, but she's a little overprotective in them.
Xixian is a character of the Harmony who can increase different stats depending on the Path of the character. If it's a Destruction/Hunt/Erudition character, she can increase CRIT DMGS and ATK. If it's a Preservation character, she can increase DEF. If it's a Nihility character, she can increase the Effect Hit Rate and the DoT DMGS. If it's a Abundance character, she can increase the Outgoing Healing Boost. And if it's a Harmony character, she can increase ERR. Her bonus can last for 1 turn. Her ultimate can increase the duration of the bonus of the characters to 2 more turns.
So, who is Yuen ?
Yuen is one of the Ten Lords. Nicknamed as the Erudite, she's the most younger person named in the post of one of the Ten Lords. Despite the fact she's still a child/teenager, she's very wise and intelligent, and she's a very good strategist.
Yuen is a character of the Erudition that inflict wind DMGS. Her technique and her ultimate would change with her talent, Condensation. For example, less enemies are here, more DMGS are inflict : 5-4 enemies in the battlefield : Effect Zone ; 3 enemies in the battlefield : Burst ; 2 - 1 enemies in the battlefield : Unique target. But don't worry, you can choose what type of attack the skill does. Her talent can also increases her CRIT DMGS and ATK.
So, who is Rakshasa ?
Rakshasa is an Emanator of the Abundance, and he was the evil part of Luocha. His body was simply a puppet, but Yaoshi make his body organic... So he would be very flexible. He would fight with needle-gloves.
Rakshasa is a character of the Abundance who can heal... But with a particular way ! So, all the allies have a effect at the beginning of the battle : "Holy Sacrifice", who is his talent. When a character lost HP, the Holy Sacrifice absorbs his loss of HP, until a limit. The skill of Luocha can release the Holy Sacrifice for heals the ally, and makes the effect reborn. Release the Holy Sacrifice can increase the DMGS and the ATK of Rakshasa. Also, his talent take some allies's HP in each turn to increases the Holy Sacrifice. His ultimate, who would be an Burst, can uses the HP of the allies to increase the DMGS and the CRIT DMGS of Rakshasa, and then, he attacks the enemy/enemies. Then, he releases the Holy Sacrifice of all the characters to heal them.
His VA would be the same of Luocha, Craig Lee Thomas.
So, who is Hua ?
Hua is a sort of Marshal of Xianzhou. Even if in public, she appears as the Marshal, she's in reality the future General of the Cangcheng, and she possesses the divine spirit of the boat, the Inferno-Empress. Her nickname is the Fenghuang.
The Inferno-Empress would appears like a gigantic phoenix.
Hua is a character of the Destruction who deals Fire DMGS, but also Super Break Effect. So, the Inferno-Empress would be like the Lightning-Lord, but when shes uses her ultimate, the Inferno-Empress merges with her and she enters in the "Fenghuang" state. When she's in this state, every attack that Hua uses consumes her HP. But, each time that her HP get consumed, her Break Effect increase. The state lasts for 2 turns, and she inflects Super Break Effect. At the end, a sort of a ultimate attack is trigger and all the HP (even the HP that are not here, for example, if her max HP is 10000, but she only has 8000 HP, then her HP are going to be in -2000) are consumed and the Break Effect is increase in a certain value for each 500 HP that are consume, and she inflicts DMGS and Super Break Effect for the enemies who are in Weakness Break. She cans heal herself with the DMGS that she has done, but the heal cannot exceed 75% of her HP ! The Inferno-Empress deals Fire DMGS, and Super Break Effect to the enemies who are in Weakness Break.
So, who is Xingxing ?
Xingxing is one of the two Marshals of Xianzhou, the Stellar Queen, an Emanator of the Erudition, an Eclairor of the Nihility and one of the Ten Lords. She's the possessor of the Stellar Marks, a gift of the Erudition who can permits to create micro-stars and stellar flames to fight. With the power of the Nihility, she create black holes also for fight.
She's 17 years old, and she would uses the same model as for March !
Xingxing is a character of the Nihility who deals Fire DMGS. She cans add more DoT on enemies who already have DoT with her special DoT : Starburn, who can also inflects Burn. Starburn is inflect to the enemies with her skill and her ultimate. She can also reach multiple enemies because she does effect zone attacks. Her talent can increases the DoT DMGS she does to the enemies depending on their HP.
Her VA would be Judy Alice Lee (VA of Melinoë).
So, who is Rei ?
Rei is one of the two Marshals of Xianzhou, the Carrier of the Yamato-Shinigami, the unique Emanator of the Hunt, the chief of the Galaxy Rangers and one of the Ten Lords. Anyway, he's a very important person of the Xianzhou Alliance. He's from a forgotten planet, who has been destroyed by the Abundance. Rescued by the past Marshal, Lingyue when he was six years old, he quickly became one of the greatest fighter of the Alliance at his teenage years.
He is 19 years old, and he is around 1m96/~6,43 feet. (so I think he's one of the most tall character.). He's VERY muscular, and very handsome (according to me)
Rei is a Hunt character (an Emanator of this path) who deals Imaginary DMGS. His gameplay would be concentrate in the CRIT DMGS. Depending on the attacks, it's giving to him "Fallen Royalty" accumulations. When he has a certain number of this accumulation, he entering in the "Fallen King" state, who increased his CRIT rate and his CRIT DMGS and reinforce his skill and his ultimate. For his ultimate, it increases his CRIT rate and his CRIT DMGS, and he gives 9 slashes to the enemy. When he's in the "Fallen King" state, it's would increase his CRIT rate and CRIT DMGS, also gives XIII (4, 4, and 5) slashes to an enemy. For each slash that are a CRIT hit, an additional slash is inflect. Each additional slash increases the Rei's CRIT DMGS, and they do a CRIT vulnerability. If all the all the additional slashes has been concluded, then a last additional slash is inflect. When he does CRIT DMGS when he uses his ultimate in the "Fallen King" state, it's does another hit in the enemy.
Here is his description :
"One of the two Marshals of the Xianzhou Alliance, the Carrier of the Yamato, the Emanator of Lan and the Fallen King. Feared by his enemies, respected by his allies. He always wears a fickle smile, and he always brings death with him.
Lan, the Reignbow Arbiter entrust the Yamato to Rei, the greatest weapon of all the Alliance. As a great strategist, he's also a good brother. He knows all the Stellaron Hunters, and he's apparently in a relation with the Stellaron Hunter named Blade..."
His VA would be Kaiji Tang (the VA of Gojo).
So, who is Shuhu ?
Shuhu is an Emanator of Yaoshi, considered as the "daughter of the Abundance". She's always with a scythe made with the body of Yaoshi and with the bones of her victims. She has a very sense of the sadism and she hates the humanity for all they have done to her.
Shuhu is a character of the Abundance who deals Quantum DMGS. She has three skills : One where she consumes the HP of the allies for increase DMGS and CRIT DMGS, and she attacks the enemies. An other where she consumes her HP for increase DMGS and CRIT DMGS, and where she attacks the enemies. And the last where she attacks the enemies for steal the HP of the enemies for heals her and the allies. In her ultimate, she consumes her HP and the allies's HP for increase her DMGS, her CRIT DMGS and her CRIT rate, and she attacks the enemies for steal the enemies's HP and heals the allies.
So, who is Athena ?
Athena is one of the Ten Lords, nicknamed as the Protector. She's always with a owl named Zhìhuì (nb : wisdom in Chinese (智慧)), and is a real master of the strategy and the war inventions, but she's also one of the more oldest members of the Ten Lords.
Athena is a character of the Harmony who can increase the DMGS and the ATK of the allies with her skill. Her talent can increase all the allies's RES PEN and their SPD. Her ultimate can increase all the allies's CRIT DMGS for 2 turns, for a chosen ally, she cans place her owl for 2 turns, who inflict additional DMGS on the enemy/enemies who the ally attacks. Also, if the ally get attack, the owl defend them with a counterattack.
So, who is Elio ?
Elio is the chef of the Stellaron Hunters (and if you don't know that, you must haven't touch HSR). I imagine him as a cat (practically not imagine, because it's quite official, but not official, so you know), but he uses his puppet... I doesn't draw him because I know that his design already be... You know what. I imagine him very kind and mysterious.
Elio is a character of the Preservation who can predict the DMGS of the allies. His skill would be a shield. For his ultimate, it's would add a status for all the allies and him : "Forecast of the Script". This effect would last one turn, and would cancel all the DMGS the allies receive.
So, who is Styx ?
AH-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ! You have to wait !
Fourth part :
The history would be in the Shìjiè-Chuán, and here is the principal plot :First quest : " You and the Astral Express receive a mysterious call of Jing Yuan, who telling you that he have something important to said to you. The thing in question is that is a feast for the "saviors of the Luofu" (the Nameless) in the... Shìjiè-Chuán ?! Not time for chatting, Jing Yuan gives you the localisation of the mysterious ship, and the Astral Express start his new journey... "
Second quest : " After a few warp jumps, you finally reach the Shìjiè-Chuán, capital of the Xianzhou Alliance. After meet all of the Generals and the Lieutenant Xixian, it's finally the time for you to meet the Ten Lords, including the Fallen King and the Stellar Queen, real Marshals of the Alliance... "
Other quests...? You have to play~
The quest would be a quest long as Penacony... Maybe a little more... And there would be all the Nameless... Yes, Pom-Pom in the quest and he would use his powers ! If he has powers.
In the final boss of the Shìjiè-Chuán, the music would be like, if it's possible, of the song "Bad Apple". In the battle, the people singing for encouraging the ones who are fighting the final boss.
In the 1st phase, it's would be only the divine spirits who singing.
In the 2nd phase, it's would be all the soldiers and the divines spirits who singing.
In the 3rd and the final phase, it's would be all Xianzhou Alliance (yes, Lan included too !) who singing.
The "R" attack ( like the Dan Heng attack during the Phantylia fight ) would be all the divine spirits and the two Marshals conferring their power to the Trailblazer, and then, he/she slashes the boss.
So, it's the end of the post... If you have questions for clarify something, you can in comments, and I would be respond with pleasure !
Bye byeeeeee !
2024.05.21 02:01 2tikadox So scary dreams mean anything?
Hey everyone ! Super long read but I feel like I’m going crazy all over again lol
I’ve been having realllly weird dreams lately. For context I’ve grown up in the church with my grandparents but my parents aren’t religious- dad being atheist and mum being into spiritual stuff (not sure what it’s called maybe witchcraft LOL)
So as a teenager I would get really weird dreams which felt super real to the point of me having this figure in my dreams and being to scared to sleep. I was too scared to tell my mum because in my dreams the figure was just my ‘bf’ and I would constantly like every night be doing ‘it’ with him and so why would I tell my mum about my wet dreams LMFAO . Or if it wasn’t the nasty it was just horrible horrible dreams. I would be lucid for a lot of it and aware that I’m sleeping and say stuff like “okay this is scary I’m gna wake up” When I would wake up I would feel exhausted and my anxiety was through the roof throughout the day. I let mum know and had said this same person/thing did the same to my sisters at my age. She mentioned some name saying he’s back and touching my girls again. I was like girl bffr I’m already scared as it is and now you’re talking to me crazy.
Anyways I thought I was crazy and would read tarot cards and worship the crystals/rocks to comfort myself but I always stayed scared. When we moved to our new house there were so many paranormal things that would happen and the only thing that would somewhat comfort me was when my brother in-laws dad would pray for us.
The main reason I came back to Christianity was because my grandparents faith was so strong and I always felt safe with them. Because they had passed on, the closest thing I had to give me the comfort they gave me was Christianity. Especially since that whole spiritual stuff scared me so bad, I knew Christianity - I didn’t know this dark stuff and didn’t want to find out.
So I returned back to the church. Since coming back to Christianity I have found my faith and love for God. I’m not a perfect Christian but I try to be and I try to read my Bible daily and study it etc.
Now just over the past week I’ve been having weird dreams again. Except this time me being lucid and aware I still stay. I can feel my heart beating through my sleep and I stay to watch but it’s not as scary as it used to be and my anxiety isn’t insane. During these dreams I always have the ‘thought’ of God being with me and staying asleep. 2 nights ago I was in a haunted apartment type and nobody would enter a certain floor - fast forward this possessed thing is coming after me and as scared as I am I stay and I just start screaming “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus” and casting about and delivering. I start praying and I finally wake up. Heart still racing but not AS scared. Last night it happened again, something paranormal and I just magically (dream magic lol) ended up at the church and the alter praying.
Now it may not mean anything and that I just dream and I know God but I felt like he really was with me during all of this and could feel the anointed in my dreams like I do in real life. I woke up feeling spiritually uplifted and stronger in my faith than I’ve been feeling lately. I felt like this was my sign from God to keep being diligent in my Bible studies and to put my trust into Him again as I was drifting away from Him these past 2-3 weeks.I truly felt like Satan and his demons were trying to come at me with things they know I’m scared of to pull me away from God. These demons know me just as much as God does and they will try to tear me down and scare me away from the only thing that can truly save me from everything.
Sorry for the long as novel , has anyone ever experienced this or something similar ?
Have a great rest of your week everyone & God bless :)
submitted by 2tikadox to Christianity [link] [comments]
I’ve been having realllly weird dreams lately. For context I’ve grown up in the church with my grandparents but my parents aren’t religious- dad being atheist and mum being into spiritual stuff (not sure what it’s called maybe witchcraft LOL)
So as a teenager I would get really weird dreams which felt super real to the point of me having this figure in my dreams and being to scared to sleep. I was too scared to tell my mum because in my dreams the figure was just my ‘bf’ and I would constantly like every night be doing ‘it’ with him and so why would I tell my mum about my wet dreams LMFAO . Or if it wasn’t the nasty it was just horrible horrible dreams. I would be lucid for a lot of it and aware that I’m sleeping and say stuff like “okay this is scary I’m gna wake up” When I would wake up I would feel exhausted and my anxiety was through the roof throughout the day. I let mum know and had said this same person/thing did the same to my sisters at my age. She mentioned some name saying he’s back and touching my girls again. I was like girl bffr I’m already scared as it is and now you’re talking to me crazy.
Anyways I thought I was crazy and would read tarot cards and worship the crystals/rocks to comfort myself but I always stayed scared. When we moved to our new house there were so many paranormal things that would happen and the only thing that would somewhat comfort me was when my brother in-laws dad would pray for us.
The main reason I came back to Christianity was because my grandparents faith was so strong and I always felt safe with them. Because they had passed on, the closest thing I had to give me the comfort they gave me was Christianity. Especially since that whole spiritual stuff scared me so bad, I knew Christianity - I didn’t know this dark stuff and didn’t want to find out.
So I returned back to the church. Since coming back to Christianity I have found my faith and love for God. I’m not a perfect Christian but I try to be and I try to read my Bible daily and study it etc.
Now just over the past week I’ve been having weird dreams again. Except this time me being lucid and aware I still stay. I can feel my heart beating through my sleep and I stay to watch but it’s not as scary as it used to be and my anxiety isn’t insane. During these dreams I always have the ‘thought’ of God being with me and staying asleep. 2 nights ago I was in a haunted apartment type and nobody would enter a certain floor - fast forward this possessed thing is coming after me and as scared as I am I stay and I just start screaming “I rebuke you in the name of Jesus” and casting about and delivering. I start praying and I finally wake up. Heart still racing but not AS scared. Last night it happened again, something paranormal and I just magically (dream magic lol) ended up at the church and the alter praying.
Now it may not mean anything and that I just dream and I know God but I felt like he really was with me during all of this and could feel the anointed in my dreams like I do in real life. I woke up feeling spiritually uplifted and stronger in my faith than I’ve been feeling lately. I felt like this was my sign from God to keep being diligent in my Bible studies and to put my trust into Him again as I was drifting away from Him these past 2-3 weeks.I truly felt like Satan and his demons were trying to come at me with things they know I’m scared of to pull me away from God. These demons know me just as much as God does and they will try to tear me down and scare me away from the only thing that can truly save me from everything.
Sorry for the long as novel , has anyone ever experienced this or something similar ?
Have a great rest of your week everyone & God bless :)
2024.05.21 01:51 theblitz6794 How to have the confidence to speak
So this is mostly /uj. But trust me it belongs here
So when learning Spanish at first I thought "well I feel like learning a language is like learning to speak for the 1st time again". And yeah, kinda. So I went all the güey with it. If I'm a babu then I should babble the sounds. And it helped my pronunciation a lot to babble the vowels like a baby
Then I started to get sorta communicable. So I figured "well toddlers have a huge ego and just talk and it's everyone else's problem if they can understand". So I took that attitude. I need to have the ego of my level in the language
Then like any true fake mexican I signed up for salsa dancing classes and my teachers use the same metaphor. We are baby dancers just learning to walk. Above us are toddler dancers etc
He didn't tell us to have a toddler ego but he does tell us that the 1st step to being cool is to be uncool and not give a fuck. So I feel like it's similar
Tldr have the egoness of your corresponding age in the language. If you're A2 be toddler; if you're B2 be a 9 year old or whatever; if you're C1 awkwardly proposition your classmates for the teenage love you missed out on
submitted by theblitz6794 to languagelearningjerk [link] [comments]
So when learning Spanish at first I thought "well I feel like learning a language is like learning to speak for the 1st time again". And yeah, kinda. So I went all the güey with it. If I'm a babu then I should babble the sounds. And it helped my pronunciation a lot to babble the vowels like a baby
Then I started to get sorta communicable. So I figured "well toddlers have a huge ego and just talk and it's everyone else's problem if they can understand". So I took that attitude. I need to have the ego of my level in the language
Then like any true fake mexican I signed up for salsa dancing classes and my teachers use the same metaphor. We are baby dancers just learning to walk. Above us are toddler dancers etc
He didn't tell us to have a toddler ego but he does tell us that the 1st step to being cool is to be uncool and not give a fuck. So I feel like it's similar
Tldr have the egoness of your corresponding age in the language. If you're A2 be toddler; if you're B2 be a 9 year old or whatever; if you're C1 awkwardly proposition your classmates for the teenage love you missed out on
2024.05.21 00:46 InternationalSuit252 Loving Dad, Strained Family: Can We Find Common Ground?
I’m a simple man. I served my country, married my lovely wife and have three children and built a successful HVAC business. I’ve been able to provide a comfortable living for my family and afford opportunities for my kids I didn’t have. My eldest Hannah (28f) recently got married and is completing her residency.
My youngest Jonah (17m) is a typical teenager that plays video games, does decent in school and goes to the gym. My middle child James (20m) has always gone against the grain.
When James was a teenager, it was definitely trying for me and his mother but we all came out of it alive. He went off to a study at an Ivy and my wife and I have supported his choices, I pay for his tuition, room and board. My son in the last year has become very political. Which is fine but it’s become utterly insufferable when his views are shoved down our throats.
When he came home for Christmas, it lead to many arguments with my other kids, wife and other family members. Honestly, I was so happy when he went back to school. Now with all the protests, it’s gotten worse.
Every conversation ends in an argument, He’s right, we’re wrong. James has been home for a few weeks for the summer and everyday it is something, specifically with my wife. I love my son but now I don’t like him and my wife and I have been talking about kicking him out and cutting him off. He’s an adult.
He can go live his ideals somewhere else and pay for his own schooling. The amount of money I would save for the next two years, I was thinking about buying our daughter and her husband a condo or using it to take my wife, myself and our youngest on a grand vacation and investing the rest.
I just want my household peace back. We raised our kids to be independent thinkers but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with you and you make our house chaotic to the point my wife and I don’t want to be in the same room with our son.
submitted by InternationalSuit252 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
My youngest Jonah (17m) is a typical teenager that plays video games, does decent in school and goes to the gym. My middle child James (20m) has always gone against the grain.
When James was a teenager, it was definitely trying for me and his mother but we all came out of it alive. He went off to a study at an Ivy and my wife and I have supported his choices, I pay for his tuition, room and board. My son in the last year has become very political. Which is fine but it’s become utterly insufferable when his views are shoved down our throats.
When he came home for Christmas, it lead to many arguments with my other kids, wife and other family members. Honestly, I was so happy when he went back to school. Now with all the protests, it’s gotten worse.
Every conversation ends in an argument, He’s right, we’re wrong. James has been home for a few weeks for the summer and everyday it is something, specifically with my wife. I love my son but now I don’t like him and my wife and I have been talking about kicking him out and cutting him off. He’s an adult.
He can go live his ideals somewhere else and pay for his own schooling. The amount of money I would save for the next two years, I was thinking about buying our daughter and her husband a condo or using it to take my wife, myself and our youngest on a grand vacation and investing the rest.
I just want my household peace back. We raised our kids to be independent thinkers but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with you and you make our house chaotic to the point my wife and I don’t want to be in the same room with our son.
2024.05.21 00:36 kaiya2_0 I wrote a bit of an essayish thingy on the Brockton Wards and their powers.
I was prompted to share this here by my friend Earthscorpion after I wrote it in response to something someone said in my fanfic thread. It's my thoughts on the Brockton Wards and how they tick and how their trauma influences them and my read on what their Trigger Events might've been from their powers (for the ones that never got specified, at least).
This is all my own read, to be clear. I love Worm a lot, I think about it a lot, but I'm not super up-to-date on Word of Gods or fandom discourse or any of that. Worm is a story that saved my life, but this is all me drawing from the text and a handful of stuff I remember from IRC conversations years ago, but mostly the raw text of Worm and also Ward in places, and my own interpretation of it, specifically. A friend told me others might find it interesting, is all <3
"You can get better" is a theme of Worm a lot of people miss, for how visceral the original is about how trauma, especially prolonged, repeated trauma, fucks people up. Worm sometimes feels to people like it says that no one can get better, but Worm and Ward both are very consistent that it's the opposite. It's not that people can't get better, it's that getting better is hard, and society is often cruel to the people who most need help, and when you're given the power to not have to depend on cruel people who hurt you...why would you depend on them? If they raise a hand, assume it's to hit you can burn it off at the wrist. Go be your best, strongest, safest self!
The cynicism of the PRT is often suggested in the original to do more harm than good. Piggot is a good military squad leader and decent administrator, but the way she sees capes, the way she handles them, the way her organization works and the decisions she made in the name of tactical effectiveness damage her ability to recruit new heroes.
Which leads me to this! The Brockton hero team has two Cauldron capes on it (Triumph in Protectorate, Gallant in Wards), and the other heroes were the like, some of the best possible cases of a parahuman trigger (Sophia aside).
EDIT: 3 Cauldron Capes, I forgot Battery, thank you Estro <3
Dennis: Needs control of his situation because he spent his late childhood and early teen years watching his dad die a horrible, miserable death that got worse and worse, spending so much time in waiting rooms and finally time ran out and he got the power to put people in stasis, to put himself in stasis, to buy time to think and prepare. The joking I think is a lot of how he decides to handle that sense of "anyone can die and there'll be nothing we can do to stop it, you see people hurt and you can do nothing". Put a smile on everyone's faces. No more sitting in waiting rooms while everyone cries or stares hollowly and miserably waiting for bad news. No more serious doctors delivering grim news. He's not going to be serious, and you can't make him. He's gonna make people laugh, and then he's gonna save them.
Kid Win: Dyscalculia, ADD, probably some other stuff, too, you tend to get a lot of issues at once from that stuff, but even the two alone are enough. A tinker trigger whose resulting power was "one thing does a bunch of different functions at once". My read of his trigger event is that he triggered realizing there was no place in society for someone with his disabilities. He was gonna fail out of high school. College is impossible. He lives in Brockton Bay, his best chance is manual labor and there's not enough of that to go around, or drug dealing. He's gonna be the paranoid ranting addict you see on the streets, the people who couldn't hack it, the people who can't make anything of themselves, who can't focus, who can't even do basic math.
Trigger.
His power is designed to be good for ADD, at least to my read, but his mentor was Armsmaster, an extremely rigid man with a rigid idea of how to do things. Chris was never supposed to sit down and try to make a laser gun. He was supposed to start on a laser gun, then make it a rechargeable battery station, then hook it up to his jetpack so they feed into each other, then make his jetpack part of a suit of armor, then make the armor absorb damage to charge batteries, then-
ect ect (don't read too hard into the specific tech examples, they were just off the top of my head). But he was trying to do things the "right" way, and so a power designed to be easy on ADHD wasn't working for him.
Missy was the child of two incredibly dysfunctional parents using her as a weapon against each other, never giving her space because she's just an object to them. So, she got all the space she needed, the power to violently enforce boundaries, and the situation still kind of screwed her over because nothing her parents ever did was illegal, for all that it was emotionally abusive.
Gallant bought his superpower, so he's just a sweet rich boy trying to help these super fucked up friends (and failing because turns out seeing people's emotions doesn't make you great at knowing how to fix their problems, and the only emotional change he can do is a blunt hammer, sort of like how the only way he could be a hero is his dad spending millions of dollars).
Browbeat...there's not enough of him for me to dig into his power like I do for the others and work out something compelling, though I could give him an OC brushup if I really wanted to feature him. I just can't draw as hard from canon for him. Possibly there's a ton of WoG on him I don't know about though!
Sophia's power is escaping being touched, escaping locked rooms, escaping unwanted visual perception, escaping physical pursuit. She's got a Breaker element to her power, which suggests the shard didn't 100% get how to handle what she was dealing with, so it's not just overt physical issues. And her trigger event and the power logic was explained in the Weaverdice Stranger document and I've never stopped being sad it didn't come up in the story itself, even though you can put it together. Stepparent getting off on controlling her, denying her privacy, creating an atmosphere of repressive terror without ever actually doing anything, and always making Sophia the unreasonable one, "I just want to spend time and get to know my stepkid!" "I was just checking on her to make sure she was doing her homework!" "I was just making sure she'd be awake in time for dinner!" "I have to have a key to her room for safety reasons, what if there's a fire?"
Aegis, I honestly assume he got in just, the worst car wreck imaginable. Organs pulped, lungs shredded by his ribs. Blinded, deafened, limbs broken, but still alive. Not bleeding out, trapped in the burning wreck in agony, unable to die, unable to perceive. It seems like the sort of power you get from just overwhelming physical damage that you shouldn't have survived, but had the misfortune to live through.
Of these, Missy and Sophia are the most problematic Wards. They have the trust issues, the denial of authority to really have the right to control their behavior, the desire to be going out doing stuff, anything, and willing to get hurt or hurt others doing it.
Chris is depressed his power sucks (it doesn't, it's perfect for him, but Armsmaster is a bad teacher and so is every teacher Chris ever, ever had, because no one wants to actually help an ADD kid with dyscalculia when you can just tell them to apply themselves or they're gonna grow up to be a homeless drug addict).
Dennis is kinda rebellious, but he doesn't really do the "I'm gonna put myself in danger on purpose because fuck you, I don't care if someone gets hurt" thing, by my read, he just refuses to play the PR game or censor himself much if it'd be funny and make people laugh to do otherwise, he generally treats actually serious situations appropriately, he just will also be making jokes and trying to keep things light whereever he can.
Aegis is responsible and dedicated, ultimately a tragedy happened to him and now he's trying to make the best of things, as near as I can tell, ideal parahuman for heroing, the sort of person who decides to be a hero on their own because it just makes sense. He probably distrusts normal cops, because he's a Hispanic kid in Brockton Bay: Neonazi Capital of North America, but the Protectorate doesn't really have the same issues.
Gallant is just a normal teenager whose family bought him powers, so his problem is that he's rich and likely to enable the others at times.
Essentially, Worm wasn't ABOUT the Brockton Wards, it was about Taylor and the Undersiders, but just like we get a glimpse at New Wave, enough to know how abusive that family was to its kids and how awful the adults really were, we also get a glimpse of the Brockton Wards, and if you sit down with them and think about them and how you'd write a story using their issues and their traumas and their personalities and powers, you can work out what drives them and why and what (for the ones Wildbow didn't give WoGs (that I've seen) or text elaboration for) their triggers were and how they were influenced by them.
submitted by kaiya2_0 to Parahumans [link] [comments]
This is all my own read, to be clear. I love Worm a lot, I think about it a lot, but I'm not super up-to-date on Word of Gods or fandom discourse or any of that. Worm is a story that saved my life, but this is all me drawing from the text and a handful of stuff I remember from IRC conversations years ago, but mostly the raw text of Worm and also Ward in places, and my own interpretation of it, specifically. A friend told me others might find it interesting, is all <3
"You can get better" is a theme of Worm a lot of people miss, for how visceral the original is about how trauma, especially prolonged, repeated trauma, fucks people up. Worm sometimes feels to people like it says that no one can get better, but Worm and Ward both are very consistent that it's the opposite. It's not that people can't get better, it's that getting better is hard, and society is often cruel to the people who most need help, and when you're given the power to not have to depend on cruel people who hurt you...why would you depend on them? If they raise a hand, assume it's to hit you can burn it off at the wrist. Go be your best, strongest, safest self!
The cynicism of the PRT is often suggested in the original to do more harm than good. Piggot is a good military squad leader and decent administrator, but the way she sees capes, the way she handles them, the way her organization works and the decisions she made in the name of tactical effectiveness damage her ability to recruit new heroes.
Which leads me to this! The Brockton hero team has two Cauldron capes on it (Triumph in Protectorate, Gallant in Wards), and the other heroes were the like, some of the best possible cases of a parahuman trigger (Sophia aside).
EDIT: 3 Cauldron Capes, I forgot Battery, thank you Estro <3
Dennis: Needs control of his situation because he spent his late childhood and early teen years watching his dad die a horrible, miserable death that got worse and worse, spending so much time in waiting rooms and finally time ran out and he got the power to put people in stasis, to put himself in stasis, to buy time to think and prepare. The joking I think is a lot of how he decides to handle that sense of "anyone can die and there'll be nothing we can do to stop it, you see people hurt and you can do nothing". Put a smile on everyone's faces. No more sitting in waiting rooms while everyone cries or stares hollowly and miserably waiting for bad news. No more serious doctors delivering grim news. He's not going to be serious, and you can't make him. He's gonna make people laugh, and then he's gonna save them.
Kid Win: Dyscalculia, ADD, probably some other stuff, too, you tend to get a lot of issues at once from that stuff, but even the two alone are enough. A tinker trigger whose resulting power was "one thing does a bunch of different functions at once". My read of his trigger event is that he triggered realizing there was no place in society for someone with his disabilities. He was gonna fail out of high school. College is impossible. He lives in Brockton Bay, his best chance is manual labor and there's not enough of that to go around, or drug dealing. He's gonna be the paranoid ranting addict you see on the streets, the people who couldn't hack it, the people who can't make anything of themselves, who can't focus, who can't even do basic math.
Trigger.
His power is designed to be good for ADD, at least to my read, but his mentor was Armsmaster, an extremely rigid man with a rigid idea of how to do things. Chris was never supposed to sit down and try to make a laser gun. He was supposed to start on a laser gun, then make it a rechargeable battery station, then hook it up to his jetpack so they feed into each other, then make his jetpack part of a suit of armor, then make the armor absorb damage to charge batteries, then-
ect ect (don't read too hard into the specific tech examples, they were just off the top of my head). But he was trying to do things the "right" way, and so a power designed to be easy on ADHD wasn't working for him.
Missy was the child of two incredibly dysfunctional parents using her as a weapon against each other, never giving her space because she's just an object to them. So, she got all the space she needed, the power to violently enforce boundaries, and the situation still kind of screwed her over because nothing her parents ever did was illegal, for all that it was emotionally abusive.
Gallant bought his superpower, so he's just a sweet rich boy trying to help these super fucked up friends (and failing because turns out seeing people's emotions doesn't make you great at knowing how to fix their problems, and the only emotional change he can do is a blunt hammer, sort of like how the only way he could be a hero is his dad spending millions of dollars).
Browbeat...there's not enough of him for me to dig into his power like I do for the others and work out something compelling, though I could give him an OC brushup if I really wanted to feature him. I just can't draw as hard from canon for him. Possibly there's a ton of WoG on him I don't know about though!
Sophia's power is escaping being touched, escaping locked rooms, escaping unwanted visual perception, escaping physical pursuit. She's got a Breaker element to her power, which suggests the shard didn't 100% get how to handle what she was dealing with, so it's not just overt physical issues. And her trigger event and the power logic was explained in the Weaverdice Stranger document and I've never stopped being sad it didn't come up in the story itself, even though you can put it together. Stepparent getting off on controlling her, denying her privacy, creating an atmosphere of repressive terror without ever actually doing anything, and always making Sophia the unreasonable one, "I just want to spend time and get to know my stepkid!" "I was just checking on her to make sure she was doing her homework!" "I was just making sure she'd be awake in time for dinner!" "I have to have a key to her room for safety reasons, what if there's a fire?"
Aegis, I honestly assume he got in just, the worst car wreck imaginable. Organs pulped, lungs shredded by his ribs. Blinded, deafened, limbs broken, but still alive. Not bleeding out, trapped in the burning wreck in agony, unable to die, unable to perceive. It seems like the sort of power you get from just overwhelming physical damage that you shouldn't have survived, but had the misfortune to live through.
Of these, Missy and Sophia are the most problematic Wards. They have the trust issues, the denial of authority to really have the right to control their behavior, the desire to be going out doing stuff, anything, and willing to get hurt or hurt others doing it.
Chris is depressed his power sucks (it doesn't, it's perfect for him, but Armsmaster is a bad teacher and so is every teacher Chris ever, ever had, because no one wants to actually help an ADD kid with dyscalculia when you can just tell them to apply themselves or they're gonna grow up to be a homeless drug addict).
Dennis is kinda rebellious, but he doesn't really do the "I'm gonna put myself in danger on purpose because fuck you, I don't care if someone gets hurt" thing, by my read, he just refuses to play the PR game or censor himself much if it'd be funny and make people laugh to do otherwise, he generally treats actually serious situations appropriately, he just will also be making jokes and trying to keep things light whereever he can.
Aegis is responsible and dedicated, ultimately a tragedy happened to him and now he's trying to make the best of things, as near as I can tell, ideal parahuman for heroing, the sort of person who decides to be a hero on their own because it just makes sense. He probably distrusts normal cops, because he's a Hispanic kid in Brockton Bay: Neonazi Capital of North America, but the Protectorate doesn't really have the same issues.
Gallant is just a normal teenager whose family bought him powers, so his problem is that he's rich and likely to enable the others at times.
Essentially, Worm wasn't ABOUT the Brockton Wards, it was about Taylor and the Undersiders, but just like we get a glimpse at New Wave, enough to know how abusive that family was to its kids and how awful the adults really were, we also get a glimpse of the Brockton Wards, and if you sit down with them and think about them and how you'd write a story using their issues and their traumas and their personalities and powers, you can work out what drives them and why and what (for the ones Wildbow didn't give WoGs (that I've seen) or text elaboration for) their triggers were and how they were influenced by them.
2024.05.21 00:09 MPZ1968 I Made A Deal With An Old Man In A Food Court Bathroom (Part 27)
“Holy shit!”, Derek said, “Rock and Roll! Let’s go!”
“Wait a second, dear boy!”, Bob instructed, “REBECCA! EDGAR! When you are finished meet us in the limo!”, he yelled loudly.
He then motioned for Derek to go.
Derek took the band-aid off his forehead then stepped off the plane, and began walking slowly down the steps, waving, smiling, and throwing up the horns as he did.
The screaming from the crowd grew louder.
Anyway, Corey followed Derek, then Stephen, then Ricky, who took off his head wrap before he walked off the plane.
Tony went next, all of them doing the same as Derek as they too walked down the steps.
I reached down, took hold of Donna’s hand, raised it to my lips, kissed it, and asked, “Are you ready, Babe!”
She smiled, and said, “Yes!”
“Oh, give it a rest already. You two are downright sickening!”, Bob commented.
“Shut up, Bob!”, I shot back.
“Remember what I said, Mr. Hard-Sell!”, Bob said sternly.
“Mr. Who?”, asked Donna.
“I’ll explain it later, Babe! Let’s go!”, I replied.
We then exited the plane together, walked down the steps holding hands, and waved to the crowd.
Bob was last to exit.
One by one, we made our way down the steps, across the carpet, and into the waiting limousine.
I, of course, let Donna go first, then crossed over her, to give her the window seat.
It was the same exact layout as the other limo, so I assumed it was the same one.
It was equipped with all the same incentives as before, except the hard stuff.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky began indulging in their favorite incentives
Donna & I looked out of the limo door to see Bob just reaching the bottom of the steps, when loud oh’s and ah’s, came from the opening of the plane.
Bob turned around, as we looked up, to see Edgar and Rebecca both trying to squeeze through the door of the plane at the same time.
“Move!”, “You move!”, “I’m going first!”, “No, me!”, “Jezebel”, “Daddy’s bitch!” They argued.
The crowd began laughing, instead of cheering.
Rebecca then took her arm, and hit Edgar in his chest, knocking him back into the plane, as she stepped out, and began walking down the steps, smiling and waving with her right hand, like a supermodel, still wearing the nurses hat, and twirling the stethoscope with her left hand.
I didn’t see her tail, so I assumed she had it tucked up underneath her shirt.
Edgar soon emerged from the plane stumbling, composed himself, and began walking down the steps, open handed waving with his right hand as he did.
He was carrying his pilot’s jacket and hat in his left hand
Anyway, Bob then got in the limo, then Rebecca, then Edgar.
Someone then shut the door.
“What in the Holy name of me was that?”, Bob yelled.
“He started it!”, “She started it!”, they began arguing.
Donna scooted closer to me.
“And I am going to end it!”, Bob yelled once again, “If you two can not act professional, instead of acting like spoiled little brats, then I will banish you both to the lake of fire, and not think twice about it!
Rebecca! I love you, as much as the devil can, and Edgar! You are my most loyal Demon, next to The Seeker that is! But I WILL NOT tolerate ANYONE or ANYTHING interfering with the success of my plan! Do I… make myself… clear?!”
“Yes, Daddy!”, “Yes, Sir!”, they both answered.
“We’ll see about that”, Bob said.
He then smiled, like clicking off a switch and said dramatically, “Now, on to the hotel!”
He then knocked on the mirrored glass that was separating the front of the limo from the back once again.
The limo then slowly pulled away.
“Who’s driving the limo?”, Ricky asked again.
The mirror then rolled down.
I didn’t know it could do that, last time, if you remember, they used the phone.
Anyway, the driver then turned around to look at us… It was the old man.
“It’s me!… just like last time!”, he said laughing, then rolled the mirror back up.
Rebecca then turned to Donna, who was sitting next to her, and said, “Girl! We matching! That’s what besties do!”
In all the craziness, I didn’t realize that Donna and Rebecca were wearing the very same outfit, and so was Edgar.
“Cool!”, Donna said, hesitantly.
“I got my jeans!”, Rebecca said smiling.
Corey then chimed in, “Hey, Demon chick!”, he said, and pointed at Rebecca.
“I am NOT a demon! I am a succubus”, she said defiantly.
“Yeah, Yeah! Whatever!”, he replied, “Ever since we met you, you have been trying to seduce us. Hell, you even tried to kiss me, and now you’re acting like some demented Valley Girl!”
I love that movie.
Anyway, Corey then continued, “What’s up with that?”
“You are all second hand news. I tried, was denied, and now I’m moving on. I have my sights set on someone else.
Besides, I always wanted a best friend, someone that was not intimidated by my sexuality, fearing that I would take what was theirs.
My bestie here knows that I have absolutely no chance with her man. He looks at her, like most men look at me. I am not the compilation of all his desires, and never will be. She is. The fact that he wanted her to stay, let’s me, and her, know that. It is she who holds his desire. Not me. So i don’t have to be what is expected of me. I am free to be the real me.”, Rebecca replied.
“Can I use that?”, I asked Rebecca excitedly.
“Use what?”, she asked me back.
“The last two sentences that you just said! Can I use them? I’ll give you a writers credit!”, I responded.
“I don’t remember what I said”, she admitted
“I don’t have to be what is expected of me. I am free to be the real me.
That would make a great verse for a song.”, I said. “Can I use it?”, I asked again.
“Songwriters, Man!”, Stephen said wasted, shaking his head, “Wild Bunch!”
“Just say Yes, dear!”, Bob said nonchalantly.
“O- Ok! Um, Yes!”, Rebecca answered, “But what’s a writers credit?”, she asked.
“I’ll tell you later, dear!”, Bob told her, nonchalantly as well.
I actually used that verse in a song later on, giving her a Writers Credit like I said I would.
Anyway, “Can I have a beer, Sir?”, Edgar asked Bob.
“These incentives are NOT for you, Edgar. They are for the band, and Tony.”, Bob answered.
Edgar just hung his head.
“Hey, Bob! Edgar played keyboards on the album, so technically he IS part of the band. I don’t care if he has one! Do you guys?”, Derek asked.
“Nope!”, “Go ahead!”, “I don’t care!”, “Go for it!”, the four of us answered.
Edgar then got up and got a beer, for which he shared with Rebecca, then got back up to get them both a beer, when the first one was gone.
Those two really hit it off. Laughing, joking, leaning into one another. It was weird.
I know, right!
I made Donna and I a cup of coffee, and got Tony a bottle of water.
I don’t know how much time passed , but it wasn’t too long after that, that the limo stopped, and the mirror rolled back down again.
“Sir! We’re here!”, the old man said, rolling the mirror back up.
Bob then clapped his hands again and said, “Boys! Boys! And ladies! Once we enter the hotel, let me do the talking, you just smile and nod. Understand?”
“Yes” was the collective response.
The back door then opened, and it was the same as it was at the airport.
Crowds of screaming fans, a red carpet, and flashbulbs flashing.
Bob exited first, because he’s Bob.
Tony exited next, because he’s our bodyguard, and had to be able to stop any overzealous fans from harming us.
We didn’t think about that when we exited the plane.
Anyway, Donna and I went next.
Stephen and Ricky went after us, completely hammered.
Derek and Corey went after them, stoned out of their minds.
And last was Edgar and Rebecca, glowing like love sick teenagers.
It was very odd, to say the least.
The sign on the side of the hotel was written in Japanese, so I couldn’t tell you the name of the place if I wanted to.
Anyway, we walked, in that order, to the front door.
Bob opened the door and we walked inside.
It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t a 5 star by any means, or even a 3 star, for that matter. But I’ve seen worse.
We walked up to the desk and was greeted by an old Japanese woman, trying to communicate with us in what?… that’s right! Japanese!
We had no idea what she was saying.
Bob then ran over to her and started speaking, in what I can only assume was the language she was speaking.
After a short conversation, she reached behind her and pulled 7 room keys off the wall, and handed them to Bob.
“Here you go, Boys! One for the four of you!”,Bob said, handing Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky, each a key.
“One for the two of you!”, handing one to me and Donna.
“One for you Big Man!”, handing one to Tony.
“And one for you Edgar, you have to run the board, for tomorrow nights concert!”, handing the last one to Edgar.
“Rebecca, you come with me!”
“Do I have too, Daddy?”, she asked.
“Yeah, Um! Does she have to, Sir?”, asked Edgar.
We all just stood there with a “What the fuck” expression on our faces.
“You are not a child, Rebecca. You can make your own decisions. I have to remember that. Do you want to stay?”, Bob asked.
“Yes, Daddy! Yes, please!”, she answered excitedly.
“Very well, my dear!”, Bob responded, as Rebecca bounced up and down and clapped her hands, “Yay!”, she said.
Edgar smiled hard.
That “What the fuck” look we had on our faces, turned into a “what the fucking fuck” look.
“Now, I trust you all can handle yourselves from here, you’re rooms are just down that hall. Enjoy boys… and girls.”, Bob said standing there.
“Dude, let’s hit the bar, and spend some of this signing bonus!”, Derek said. Corey, Stephen, and Ricky all agreed.
Bob then spoke,” Boys! I don’t care what you do, how you do it, or who you do it with, but know this. You WILL be up, awake, ready to go, and waiting in this lobby, at 6 o’clock tomorrow morning, human time that is. If you are not, I guarantee you, there will be HELL TO PAY!”
“Okay!”, they all said, then wandered off to find the bar.
“Now, I have to confirm the events for tomorrow, so I bid you all ado! If you need anything, just call my name, and I will return! To-da-loo!”, Bob said, snapped his fingers, and disappeared into… you know what he disappeared into, Right?
Edgar and Rebecca took off like a bat out of hell toward their room, which was right next to ours. Edgar dropped the key in his nervous excitement, found it, opened the door, and they quickly went inside, shutting the door, but not closing it all the way.
About a minute later, we saw the tip of Rebecca’s tail poke out of the opening, place a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on the doorknob, then slowly close the door.
“I hope she doesn’t kill him?” I said.
“He’s a demon. I’m not sure if she can.”, Donna replied.
“Good point!”, I said.
“They do make a cute couple though!”, Tony commented.
“Agreed!” I said, putting my arm around Donna’s shoulder and walking to our room, as Tony walked to his.
I opened the door, and looked inside.
It was at that very moment that I realized that the bedroom in the house, was not a bedroom at all. It was a hotel room, the same hotel room that I was looking at.
submitted by MPZ1968 to TheMindOfMikey [link] [comments]
“Wait a second, dear boy!”, Bob instructed, “REBECCA! EDGAR! When you are finished meet us in the limo!”, he yelled loudly.
He then motioned for Derek to go.
Derek took the band-aid off his forehead then stepped off the plane, and began walking slowly down the steps, waving, smiling, and throwing up the horns as he did.
The screaming from the crowd grew louder.
Anyway, Corey followed Derek, then Stephen, then Ricky, who took off his head wrap before he walked off the plane.
Tony went next, all of them doing the same as Derek as they too walked down the steps.
I reached down, took hold of Donna’s hand, raised it to my lips, kissed it, and asked, “Are you ready, Babe!”
She smiled, and said, “Yes!”
“Oh, give it a rest already. You two are downright sickening!”, Bob commented.
“Shut up, Bob!”, I shot back.
“Remember what I said, Mr. Hard-Sell!”, Bob said sternly.
“Mr. Who?”, asked Donna.
“I’ll explain it later, Babe! Let’s go!”, I replied.
We then exited the plane together, walked down the steps holding hands, and waved to the crowd.
Bob was last to exit.
One by one, we made our way down the steps, across the carpet, and into the waiting limousine.
I, of course, let Donna go first, then crossed over her, to give her the window seat.
It was the same exact layout as the other limo, so I assumed it was the same one.
It was equipped with all the same incentives as before, except the hard stuff.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky began indulging in their favorite incentives
Donna & I looked out of the limo door to see Bob just reaching the bottom of the steps, when loud oh’s and ah’s, came from the opening of the plane.
Bob turned around, as we looked up, to see Edgar and Rebecca both trying to squeeze through the door of the plane at the same time.
“Move!”, “You move!”, “I’m going first!”, “No, me!”, “Jezebel”, “Daddy’s bitch!” They argued.
The crowd began laughing, instead of cheering.
Rebecca then took her arm, and hit Edgar in his chest, knocking him back into the plane, as she stepped out, and began walking down the steps, smiling and waving with her right hand, like a supermodel, still wearing the nurses hat, and twirling the stethoscope with her left hand.
I didn’t see her tail, so I assumed she had it tucked up underneath her shirt.
Edgar soon emerged from the plane stumbling, composed himself, and began walking down the steps, open handed waving with his right hand as he did.
He was carrying his pilot’s jacket and hat in his left hand
Anyway, Bob then got in the limo, then Rebecca, then Edgar.
Someone then shut the door.
“What in the Holy name of me was that?”, Bob yelled.
“He started it!”, “She started it!”, they began arguing.
Donna scooted closer to me.
“And I am going to end it!”, Bob yelled once again, “If you two can not act professional, instead of acting like spoiled little brats, then I will banish you both to the lake of fire, and not think twice about it!
Rebecca! I love you, as much as the devil can, and Edgar! You are my most loyal Demon, next to The Seeker that is! But I WILL NOT tolerate ANYONE or ANYTHING interfering with the success of my plan! Do I… make myself… clear?!”
“Yes, Daddy!”, “Yes, Sir!”, they both answered.
“We’ll see about that”, Bob said.
He then smiled, like clicking off a switch and said dramatically, “Now, on to the hotel!”
He then knocked on the mirrored glass that was separating the front of the limo from the back once again.
The limo then slowly pulled away.
“Who’s driving the limo?”, Ricky asked again.
The mirror then rolled down.
I didn’t know it could do that, last time, if you remember, they used the phone.
Anyway, the driver then turned around to look at us… It was the old man.
“It’s me!… just like last time!”, he said laughing, then rolled the mirror back up.
Rebecca then turned to Donna, who was sitting next to her, and said, “Girl! We matching! That’s what besties do!”
In all the craziness, I didn’t realize that Donna and Rebecca were wearing the very same outfit, and so was Edgar.
“Cool!”, Donna said, hesitantly.
“I got my jeans!”, Rebecca said smiling.
Corey then chimed in, “Hey, Demon chick!”, he said, and pointed at Rebecca.
“I am NOT a demon! I am a succubus”, she said defiantly.
“Yeah, Yeah! Whatever!”, he replied, “Ever since we met you, you have been trying to seduce us. Hell, you even tried to kiss me, and now you’re acting like some demented Valley Girl!”
I love that movie.
Anyway, Corey then continued, “What’s up with that?”
“You are all second hand news. I tried, was denied, and now I’m moving on. I have my sights set on someone else.
Besides, I always wanted a best friend, someone that was not intimidated by my sexuality, fearing that I would take what was theirs.
My bestie here knows that I have absolutely no chance with her man. He looks at her, like most men look at me. I am not the compilation of all his desires, and never will be. She is. The fact that he wanted her to stay, let’s me, and her, know that. It is she who holds his desire. Not me. So i don’t have to be what is expected of me. I am free to be the real me.”, Rebecca replied.
“Can I use that?”, I asked Rebecca excitedly.
“Use what?”, she asked me back.
“The last two sentences that you just said! Can I use them? I’ll give you a writers credit!”, I responded.
“I don’t remember what I said”, she admitted
“I don’t have to be what is expected of me. I am free to be the real me.
That would make a great verse for a song.”, I said. “Can I use it?”, I asked again.
“Songwriters, Man!”, Stephen said wasted, shaking his head, “Wild Bunch!”
“Just say Yes, dear!”, Bob said nonchalantly.
“O- Ok! Um, Yes!”, Rebecca answered, “But what’s a writers credit?”, she asked.
“I’ll tell you later, dear!”, Bob told her, nonchalantly as well.
I actually used that verse in a song later on, giving her a Writers Credit like I said I would.
Anyway, “Can I have a beer, Sir?”, Edgar asked Bob.
“These incentives are NOT for you, Edgar. They are for the band, and Tony.”, Bob answered.
Edgar just hung his head.
“Hey, Bob! Edgar played keyboards on the album, so technically he IS part of the band. I don’t care if he has one! Do you guys?”, Derek asked.
“Nope!”, “Go ahead!”, “I don’t care!”, “Go for it!”, the four of us answered.
Edgar then got up and got a beer, for which he shared with Rebecca, then got back up to get them both a beer, when the first one was gone.
Those two really hit it off. Laughing, joking, leaning into one another. It was weird.
I know, right!
I made Donna and I a cup of coffee, and got Tony a bottle of water.
I don’t know how much time passed , but it wasn’t too long after that, that the limo stopped, and the mirror rolled back down again.
“Sir! We’re here!”, the old man said, rolling the mirror back up.
Bob then clapped his hands again and said, “Boys! Boys! And ladies! Once we enter the hotel, let me do the talking, you just smile and nod. Understand?”
“Yes” was the collective response.
The back door then opened, and it was the same as it was at the airport.
Crowds of screaming fans, a red carpet, and flashbulbs flashing.
Bob exited first, because he’s Bob.
Tony exited next, because he’s our bodyguard, and had to be able to stop any overzealous fans from harming us.
We didn’t think about that when we exited the plane.
Anyway, Donna and I went next.
Stephen and Ricky went after us, completely hammered.
Derek and Corey went after them, stoned out of their minds.
And last was Edgar and Rebecca, glowing like love sick teenagers.
It was very odd, to say the least.
The sign on the side of the hotel was written in Japanese, so I couldn’t tell you the name of the place if I wanted to.
Anyway, we walked, in that order, to the front door.
Bob opened the door and we walked inside.
It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t a 5 star by any means, or even a 3 star, for that matter. But I’ve seen worse.
We walked up to the desk and was greeted by an old Japanese woman, trying to communicate with us in what?… that’s right! Japanese!
We had no idea what she was saying.
Bob then ran over to her and started speaking, in what I can only assume was the language she was speaking.
After a short conversation, she reached behind her and pulled 7 room keys off the wall, and handed them to Bob.
“Here you go, Boys! One for the four of you!”,Bob said, handing Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky, each a key.
“One for the two of you!”, handing one to me and Donna.
“One for you Big Man!”, handing one to Tony.
“And one for you Edgar, you have to run the board, for tomorrow nights concert!”, handing the last one to Edgar.
“Rebecca, you come with me!”
“Do I have too, Daddy?”, she asked.
“Yeah, Um! Does she have to, Sir?”, asked Edgar.
We all just stood there with a “What the fuck” expression on our faces.
“You are not a child, Rebecca. You can make your own decisions. I have to remember that. Do you want to stay?”, Bob asked.
“Yes, Daddy! Yes, please!”, she answered excitedly.
“Very well, my dear!”, Bob responded, as Rebecca bounced up and down and clapped her hands, “Yay!”, she said.
Edgar smiled hard.
That “What the fuck” look we had on our faces, turned into a “what the fucking fuck” look.
“Now, I trust you all can handle yourselves from here, you’re rooms are just down that hall. Enjoy boys… and girls.”, Bob said standing there.
“Dude, let’s hit the bar, and spend some of this signing bonus!”, Derek said. Corey, Stephen, and Ricky all agreed.
Bob then spoke,” Boys! I don’t care what you do, how you do it, or who you do it with, but know this. You WILL be up, awake, ready to go, and waiting in this lobby, at 6 o’clock tomorrow morning, human time that is. If you are not, I guarantee you, there will be HELL TO PAY!”
“Okay!”, they all said, then wandered off to find the bar.
“Now, I have to confirm the events for tomorrow, so I bid you all ado! If you need anything, just call my name, and I will return! To-da-loo!”, Bob said, snapped his fingers, and disappeared into… you know what he disappeared into, Right?
Edgar and Rebecca took off like a bat out of hell toward their room, which was right next to ours. Edgar dropped the key in his nervous excitement, found it, opened the door, and they quickly went inside, shutting the door, but not closing it all the way.
About a minute later, we saw the tip of Rebecca’s tail poke out of the opening, place a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on the doorknob, then slowly close the door.
“I hope she doesn’t kill him?” I said.
“He’s a demon. I’m not sure if she can.”, Donna replied.
“Good point!”, I said.
“They do make a cute couple though!”, Tony commented.
“Agreed!” I said, putting my arm around Donna’s shoulder and walking to our room, as Tony walked to his.
I opened the door, and looked inside.
It was at that very moment that I realized that the bedroom in the house, was not a bedroom at all. It was a hotel room, the same hotel room that I was looking at.
2024.05.21 00:02 MPZ1968 I Made A Deal With An Old Man In A Food Court Bathroom (Part 26)
“Holy Hell, Edgar! I thought you said you could do this! Where is the manual I provided for you?”, Bob asked.
Well, Sir! The manual was quite heavy, so I wrote down all the instructions on something humans call index cards. I separated them into each category, pre-checklists, take-off, landing, things like that, then paper clipped them together, and kept them all in my shirt pocket behind my pocket protector under my pilots jacket.
I was nervous and sweating when we took off, so I took off the jacket, and put it in the co-pilots seat.
When we were spiraling down, out of control, my sunglasses fell off, and my pocket protector, my pen, and the cards fell out. The cards fell apart, and were flying around the cockpit.
Now they’re scattered everywhere on the cockpit floor. I don’t know what order they go in, or what card goes to what instruction. It’s a big mess, Sir!”, Edgar replied.
“Do you want to take this one, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob asked me.
I was reluctant to be anywhere near Edgar after what happened last time, so I simply answered, “Your Demon! Your problem!”
All the girls screamed again, this time screaming, “He’s a Demon!”
“Yes, Girls! But he’s a kinda cool guy, unless you sneak up behind him!”, I replied.
“Thanks”, Edgar said.
“Ok then! Very well!, Mr. Hard-Sell! I will take care of it!”, Bob responded. “Let’s Go, Edgar!”
They both then headed out the door, down the hallway, through the other door, and disappeared out of sight.
“I like your accordion!”, Tony’s redhead said.
“You can check it out, if you want to!”, he told her, then placed it gently around her neck.
I offered my guitar to Donna, who nervously accepted.
All the guys then offered their gear to their girls.
They all just stayed still, looking like a bad independent T & A movie, in their sexy lingerie.
My first girl was just standing there, as she was the “Odd Girl Out”. So, I let her use one of my other guitars.
“Play something!”, Derek said.
“Yeah! Girls can rock too!”, Stephen said.
My mind then flashed to the all female Rock band Vixen, they might have been poppy, and radio friendly, but they still rocked… kind of.
Stephen’s girl then counted it off, except she didn’t do the normal count off, she just said, 1, 2, 3, 4.
Now, I have no idea what those girls played, or what Corey’s girl was saying. I seriously doubt that they did either. It was mostly high pitched screaming.
It was a 3 minute cacophony of sheer and udder noise. But they had fun, and that’s all that matters.
Anyway, when they finished, Derek screamed out, “Rock and Roll!”, and threw up the horns.
We all did the same, including Tony.
The girls high fived each other, and were jumping up and down, cheering. Some of them did high kicks like cheerleaders do.
What a sight that was. Sexy lingerie, remember?
Anyway, Bob then returned from the cockpit.
“Well, you boys really changed since I’ve been gone!”, he said smiling.
The girls then gave us back our gear.
“Well, Boys!… and girls! Edgar has it all figured out now, so we’ll be landing soon. Let’s head back to the other room, shall we?”
Derek, Ricky, and I put our guitars back in place. Stephen put the drumsticks back, and Corey put the microphone back on its stand.
Tony let his girl keep his accordion.
We all then made our way to the Hangout Room, Bob again closing each door behind us.
We got back to the room, and talked, hung out, indulged in a few incentives, things like that.
As we were indulging ourselves, the intercom popped again.
“Hey, guys! The tower guy said we have clearance, or something, I don’t know, to land this thing. So, here goes! Wish me luck. Hey, there are the lights! Cool!
The intercom them popped off.
Out of complete nervousness, Donna and I hugged each other, as the plane started to descend.
Tony and his two girls did the same.
The remaining girls huddled on the couch, holding each other.
Bob stood by the TV.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky just carried on with what they were doing.
The plane suddenly stopped descending, bounced a little, jolted forward, and began to shake, slowly coming to a stop.
The ones who weren’t dead already, sighed a sigh of relief.
Soon after, Rebecca came bouncing back through the curtain.
“Daddy! Can I come back yet? I think Edgar pooped himself. He smells really bad!”, she said.
We all kinda laughed at that one too.
“Are you going to be nice?”, Bob asked her.
“Yes, Daddy!”, she answered smiling.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. I have an announcement to make.”, he said.
Bob then clapped his hands and said, “Girls, Girls! Pay attention please! I hope you have enjoyed your little endeavors with the band, but… it’s time for you to go! We have business to attend to. With a snap of my fingers, I will return you to your homes. You will awaken in your beds and continue on with your lives. You can keep the lingerie! Are you ready?”
“I don’t want to go! I live alone. I don’t have any friends. My life sucks!”, Donna said.
“Um! Does she have to go?”, I asked Bob.
“No! Not if you would like her to stay!”, he said.
“I do!”, I replied.
“Does anyone else want their girls to stay?”, Bob asked.
Derek and Corey both said no immediately.
“I’m not boyfriend material!”, Stephen said.
“I like you and all, but I don’t want to be tied down at a young age like my Pops was! Sorry!”, Ricky said, looking at his girl.
“My wife filed for divorce when I told her about this job, so, I just wanna be free and have fun. It was very nice to meet you both.”, Tony replied, smiling at his girls.
“Do any of you girls want to stay?”, Bob asked the girls.
“I’ve gotta feed my cat!”, “I gotta work in the morning!”, “My Grandmothers sick!”, “The cable guy is coming tomorrow!”, “I got laundry to fold!”, “My boyfriends probably wondering where I am, so, No!”, they all said.
Tony’s girl laid his accordion on the floor.
“Very well, ladies. Goodbye!”, Bob said, and snapped his fingers.
The girls then disappeared into a cloud of gray smoke, all except Donna.
Rebecca then smiled, and waved, “Bye, Bitches!”, she said.
“REBECCA!”, Bob yelled.
“What, Daddy? That WAS being nice!”, she replied.
Rebecca then smiled, and waved at Donna.
“Now, listen closely, Mr. Hard-Sell”, Bob said sternly, looking me straight in the eye. “I WILL NOT tolerate any John Lennon/Yoko Ono bullshit, I have heard all the stories. Business is business, and MY business is with you, and you only! No outside interference! Is… that… clear?”, he said.
“Ye- Yes- Yes, Bob!”, I answered nervously.
That was the first time, since we signed our contract, that Bob made me nervous.
Bob’s happy, and overly dramatic demeanor then returned.
“Lovely! Now Donna! We can not have you walking around in public in your present attire. It would be bad for business.”He said.
I then cut him a hard look.
“I did not mean it to be insulting, Mr. Hard-Sell! I meant that we have an image to uphold! One of professionalism. Lacy lingerie is not very professional, now is it!”, Bob clarified.
“Oh Ok! Sorry Bob!”, I said.
“No worries, dear boy! Now, tell me, Dear, what would you like to be wearing?”, Bob asked Donna.
“Um! I don’t know! Jeans and a t-shirt maybe!”, she answered.
Bob then snapped his fingers once again, and instantly Donna was wearing just what she had asked for… Skin tight jeans, a black Hellfire Records t-shirt, and a pair of brand new female Nike sneakers on her feet.
“You look amazing!”, I said to her.
“Oh! I love what you’re wearing”, Rebecca said to Donna, “What are those?, she asked pointing at Donna’s pants.
“Um! Jeans!”, Donna replied.
“Daddy! Can I have some jeans?”, Rebecca asked Bob.
“We’ll get you some soon, Dear!”, Bob replied
“Oh! Yay!”, Rebecca said excitedly, and side hugged Donna, who nervously looked at her side eyed.
“We’re gonna be the bestest of friends!”, Rebecca said, as she bounced back through the curtain, singing, “I’m getting jeans! I’m getting jeans!”, her tail waving excitedly behind her, like a dog excited to see you.
Now, I’m not sure if this was a clinical diagnosis back then, but Rebecca… was definitely bipolar.
“The doors open, Daddy!”, she said, sticking just her head through the curtain.
“Let’s go, Boys!”, Bob instructed.
“Where are we?”, Stephen asked, as we all got up, including Donna, to exit the plane.
“Japan, Boys! Your first show is at…”, Bob started to say.
“Budokan?”, I asked
“Very good, Mr. Hard-Sell! It’s actually Nippon Budokan, but yes!”, Bob said.
“No fucking way!”, I replied excitedly.
Now, some say the greatest LIVE album ever recorded is KISS ALIVE, some say KISS ALIVE II, some say TED NUGENT - DOUBLE LIVE GONZO, some say PETER FRAMPTON - FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE! But for me, the greatest LIVE album ever recorded will always be CHEAP TRICK - LIVE AT BUDOKAN!
It’s the rawness of the whole thing. The way Bun E. Carlos’s drums just boom. The way Robin Zander’s voice is perfectly pitched, well, his voice cracked a few times, but that’s what made it so real. Not like other “LIVE” albums that were polished up in the studio.
The way Rick Neilson’s guitars blazed through each song, and the way Tom Peterson’s bass pounded out the rhythm. I don’t care what anyone says. It is a masterpiece in its own right.
Anyway, we walked through the curtain to see Rebecca standing in the doorway, facing outward, and waving.
She was bouncing up and down as well.
Edgar then came walking through the kitchen, with his right hand on his butt.
He walked up to the group of us standing there.
“Holy Fire and Brimstone!”, Bob said loudly, covering his nose, as we all did the same.
“Jesus!”, “Holy Fuck!”, “Damn!”, “What the Hell did you eat!”, “What ate you?!”, “Gross!”, “That smells bad!”, we all said.
Rebecca then stepped back from the doorway, turned around, and covered her mouth quickly, obviously trying not to throw up.
Well, at least she tried.
Her body heaved, as globs of a green, glue-like substance, came exploding out of her mouth, through her fingers, and onto the floor.
We all jumped back to avoid being hit.
Bob just stood there, still holding his nose.
Now, I’ve been in many public bathrooms, and smelt some of the most horrific smells that the human body can produce, especially in the bathroom of that creepy grocery store in town.
But none of them even came close to the, eye watering, nose burning, hair splitting, vomit inducing smell of Demon shit.
“Go to the lavatory and get cleaned up, Son! Use soap! Holy burning flesh, you smell rancid!”, Bob said to Edgar, “I will provide you with new clothes. They will be waiting for you inside.”
Bob then snapped his fingers.
“I’m sorry, Sir! I- I was just scared.”, Edgar replied.
“I understand, Son! Just Go! Go!”, Bob said.
Edgar then made his way back to the bathroom, still holding his butt.
“Rebecca, go to the kitchen and clean yourself up! New clothes will be waiting for you there as well!”, Bob said.
“But, Daddy! Boys like me in this outfit!“, she responded, wiping her mouth.
“And clean up this mess!” Bob said, “Now, Go!”
Rebecca then turned and walked into the kitchen.
“Yes, Daddy!”, she said.
“Who are all those people?”, Ricky asked, looking out the door of the plane.
We all then stuck our heads out, seeing what he was seeing for the first time.
There was a huge black limousine, parked parallel with the plane, with a red carpet leading from the bottom of the steps to the back door of the limo.
It was very similar to the one Bob had outside the police station. Hell, it could have been the same one for all I know.
There was a huge gathering of Japanese people, teenagers mostly, a few adolescent looking ones, and even less adults to the left of where we stood.
They were all cheering, and jumping up and down with excitement.
Some of them held signs with the band name on them, some said “I Love Corey!”, with a red heart where the word love should be, some had Japanese writings on them that we couldn’t read.
The police had to play crowd control spreading their arms out, almost finger to finger, to keep them all back, as camera bulbs flashed repeatedly from the right of us.
“Are they here for us!”, Stephen asked.
“Yes, Boys! Welcome to your first taste of Fame and Fortune!”, Bob said smiling.
submitted by MPZ1968 to TheMindOfMikey [link] [comments]
Well, Sir! The manual was quite heavy, so I wrote down all the instructions on something humans call index cards. I separated them into each category, pre-checklists, take-off, landing, things like that, then paper clipped them together, and kept them all in my shirt pocket behind my pocket protector under my pilots jacket.
I was nervous and sweating when we took off, so I took off the jacket, and put it in the co-pilots seat.
When we were spiraling down, out of control, my sunglasses fell off, and my pocket protector, my pen, and the cards fell out. The cards fell apart, and were flying around the cockpit.
Now they’re scattered everywhere on the cockpit floor. I don’t know what order they go in, or what card goes to what instruction. It’s a big mess, Sir!”, Edgar replied.
“Do you want to take this one, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob asked me.
I was reluctant to be anywhere near Edgar after what happened last time, so I simply answered, “Your Demon! Your problem!”
All the girls screamed again, this time screaming, “He’s a Demon!”
“Yes, Girls! But he’s a kinda cool guy, unless you sneak up behind him!”, I replied.
“Thanks”, Edgar said.
“Ok then! Very well!, Mr. Hard-Sell! I will take care of it!”, Bob responded. “Let’s Go, Edgar!”
They both then headed out the door, down the hallway, through the other door, and disappeared out of sight.
“I like your accordion!”, Tony’s redhead said.
“You can check it out, if you want to!”, he told her, then placed it gently around her neck.
I offered my guitar to Donna, who nervously accepted.
All the guys then offered their gear to their girls.
They all just stayed still, looking like a bad independent T & A movie, in their sexy lingerie.
My first girl was just standing there, as she was the “Odd Girl Out”. So, I let her use one of my other guitars.
“Play something!”, Derek said.
“Yeah! Girls can rock too!”, Stephen said.
My mind then flashed to the all female Rock band Vixen, they might have been poppy, and radio friendly, but they still rocked… kind of.
Stephen’s girl then counted it off, except she didn’t do the normal count off, she just said, 1, 2, 3, 4.
Now, I have no idea what those girls played, or what Corey’s girl was saying. I seriously doubt that they did either. It was mostly high pitched screaming.
It was a 3 minute cacophony of sheer and udder noise. But they had fun, and that’s all that matters.
Anyway, when they finished, Derek screamed out, “Rock and Roll!”, and threw up the horns.
We all did the same, including Tony.
The girls high fived each other, and were jumping up and down, cheering. Some of them did high kicks like cheerleaders do.
What a sight that was. Sexy lingerie, remember?
Anyway, Bob then returned from the cockpit.
“Well, you boys really changed since I’ve been gone!”, he said smiling.
The girls then gave us back our gear.
“Well, Boys!… and girls! Edgar has it all figured out now, so we’ll be landing soon. Let’s head back to the other room, shall we?”
Derek, Ricky, and I put our guitars back in place. Stephen put the drumsticks back, and Corey put the microphone back on its stand.
Tony let his girl keep his accordion.
We all then made our way to the Hangout Room, Bob again closing each door behind us.
We got back to the room, and talked, hung out, indulged in a few incentives, things like that.
As we were indulging ourselves, the intercom popped again.
“Hey, guys! The tower guy said we have clearance, or something, I don’t know, to land this thing. So, here goes! Wish me luck. Hey, there are the lights! Cool!
The intercom them popped off.
Out of complete nervousness, Donna and I hugged each other, as the plane started to descend.
Tony and his two girls did the same.
The remaining girls huddled on the couch, holding each other.
Bob stood by the TV.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky just carried on with what they were doing.
The plane suddenly stopped descending, bounced a little, jolted forward, and began to shake, slowly coming to a stop.
The ones who weren’t dead already, sighed a sigh of relief.
Soon after, Rebecca came bouncing back through the curtain.
“Daddy! Can I come back yet? I think Edgar pooped himself. He smells really bad!”, she said.
We all kinda laughed at that one too.
“Are you going to be nice?”, Bob asked her.
“Yes, Daddy!”, she answered smiling.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. I have an announcement to make.”, he said.
Bob then clapped his hands and said, “Girls, Girls! Pay attention please! I hope you have enjoyed your little endeavors with the band, but… it’s time for you to go! We have business to attend to. With a snap of my fingers, I will return you to your homes. You will awaken in your beds and continue on with your lives. You can keep the lingerie! Are you ready?”
“I don’t want to go! I live alone. I don’t have any friends. My life sucks!”, Donna said.
“Um! Does she have to go?”, I asked Bob.
“No! Not if you would like her to stay!”, he said.
“I do!”, I replied.
“Does anyone else want their girls to stay?”, Bob asked.
Derek and Corey both said no immediately.
“I’m not boyfriend material!”, Stephen said.
“I like you and all, but I don’t want to be tied down at a young age like my Pops was! Sorry!”, Ricky said, looking at his girl.
“My wife filed for divorce when I told her about this job, so, I just wanna be free and have fun. It was very nice to meet you both.”, Tony replied, smiling at his girls.
“Do any of you girls want to stay?”, Bob asked the girls.
“I’ve gotta feed my cat!”, “I gotta work in the morning!”, “My Grandmothers sick!”, “The cable guy is coming tomorrow!”, “I got laundry to fold!”, “My boyfriends probably wondering where I am, so, No!”, they all said.
Tony’s girl laid his accordion on the floor.
“Very well, ladies. Goodbye!”, Bob said, and snapped his fingers.
The girls then disappeared into a cloud of gray smoke, all except Donna.
Rebecca then smiled, and waved, “Bye, Bitches!”, she said.
“REBECCA!”, Bob yelled.
“What, Daddy? That WAS being nice!”, she replied.
Rebecca then smiled, and waved at Donna.
“Now, listen closely, Mr. Hard-Sell”, Bob said sternly, looking me straight in the eye. “I WILL NOT tolerate any John Lennon/Yoko Ono bullshit, I have heard all the stories. Business is business, and MY business is with you, and you only! No outside interference! Is… that… clear?”, he said.
“Ye- Yes- Yes, Bob!”, I answered nervously.
That was the first time, since we signed our contract, that Bob made me nervous.
Bob’s happy, and overly dramatic demeanor then returned.
“Lovely! Now Donna! We can not have you walking around in public in your present attire. It would be bad for business.”He said.
I then cut him a hard look.
“I did not mean it to be insulting, Mr. Hard-Sell! I meant that we have an image to uphold! One of professionalism. Lacy lingerie is not very professional, now is it!”, Bob clarified.
“Oh Ok! Sorry Bob!”, I said.
“No worries, dear boy! Now, tell me, Dear, what would you like to be wearing?”, Bob asked Donna.
“Um! I don’t know! Jeans and a t-shirt maybe!”, she answered.
Bob then snapped his fingers once again, and instantly Donna was wearing just what she had asked for… Skin tight jeans, a black Hellfire Records t-shirt, and a pair of brand new female Nike sneakers on her feet.
“You look amazing!”, I said to her.
“Oh! I love what you’re wearing”, Rebecca said to Donna, “What are those?, she asked pointing at Donna’s pants.
“Um! Jeans!”, Donna replied.
“Daddy! Can I have some jeans?”, Rebecca asked Bob.
“We’ll get you some soon, Dear!”, Bob replied
“Oh! Yay!”, Rebecca said excitedly, and side hugged Donna, who nervously looked at her side eyed.
“We’re gonna be the bestest of friends!”, Rebecca said, as she bounced back through the curtain, singing, “I’m getting jeans! I’m getting jeans!”, her tail waving excitedly behind her, like a dog excited to see you.
Now, I’m not sure if this was a clinical diagnosis back then, but Rebecca… was definitely bipolar.
“The doors open, Daddy!”, she said, sticking just her head through the curtain.
“Let’s go, Boys!”, Bob instructed.
“Where are we?”, Stephen asked, as we all got up, including Donna, to exit the plane.
“Japan, Boys! Your first show is at…”, Bob started to say.
“Budokan?”, I asked
“Very good, Mr. Hard-Sell! It’s actually Nippon Budokan, but yes!”, Bob said.
“No fucking way!”, I replied excitedly.
Now, some say the greatest LIVE album ever recorded is KISS ALIVE, some say KISS ALIVE II, some say TED NUGENT - DOUBLE LIVE GONZO, some say PETER FRAMPTON - FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE! But for me, the greatest LIVE album ever recorded will always be CHEAP TRICK - LIVE AT BUDOKAN!
It’s the rawness of the whole thing. The way Bun E. Carlos’s drums just boom. The way Robin Zander’s voice is perfectly pitched, well, his voice cracked a few times, but that’s what made it so real. Not like other “LIVE” albums that were polished up in the studio.
The way Rick Neilson’s guitars blazed through each song, and the way Tom Peterson’s bass pounded out the rhythm. I don’t care what anyone says. It is a masterpiece in its own right.
Anyway, we walked through the curtain to see Rebecca standing in the doorway, facing outward, and waving.
She was bouncing up and down as well.
Edgar then came walking through the kitchen, with his right hand on his butt.
He walked up to the group of us standing there.
“Holy Fire and Brimstone!”, Bob said loudly, covering his nose, as we all did the same.
“Jesus!”, “Holy Fuck!”, “Damn!”, “What the Hell did you eat!”, “What ate you?!”, “Gross!”, “That smells bad!”, we all said.
Rebecca then stepped back from the doorway, turned around, and covered her mouth quickly, obviously trying not to throw up.
Well, at least she tried.
Her body heaved, as globs of a green, glue-like substance, came exploding out of her mouth, through her fingers, and onto the floor.
We all jumped back to avoid being hit.
Bob just stood there, still holding his nose.
Now, I’ve been in many public bathrooms, and smelt some of the most horrific smells that the human body can produce, especially in the bathroom of that creepy grocery store in town.
But none of them even came close to the, eye watering, nose burning, hair splitting, vomit inducing smell of Demon shit.
“Go to the lavatory and get cleaned up, Son! Use soap! Holy burning flesh, you smell rancid!”, Bob said to Edgar, “I will provide you with new clothes. They will be waiting for you inside.”
Bob then snapped his fingers.
“I’m sorry, Sir! I- I was just scared.”, Edgar replied.
“I understand, Son! Just Go! Go!”, Bob said.
Edgar then made his way back to the bathroom, still holding his butt.
“Rebecca, go to the kitchen and clean yourself up! New clothes will be waiting for you there as well!”, Bob said.
“But, Daddy! Boys like me in this outfit!“, she responded, wiping her mouth.
“And clean up this mess!” Bob said, “Now, Go!”
Rebecca then turned and walked into the kitchen.
“Yes, Daddy!”, she said.
“Who are all those people?”, Ricky asked, looking out the door of the plane.
We all then stuck our heads out, seeing what he was seeing for the first time.
There was a huge black limousine, parked parallel with the plane, with a red carpet leading from the bottom of the steps to the back door of the limo.
It was very similar to the one Bob had outside the police station. Hell, it could have been the same one for all I know.
There was a huge gathering of Japanese people, teenagers mostly, a few adolescent looking ones, and even less adults to the left of where we stood.
They were all cheering, and jumping up and down with excitement.
Some of them held signs with the band name on them, some said “I Love Corey!”, with a red heart where the word love should be, some had Japanese writings on them that we couldn’t read.
The police had to play crowd control spreading their arms out, almost finger to finger, to keep them all back, as camera bulbs flashed repeatedly from the right of us.
“Are they here for us!”, Stephen asked.
“Yes, Boys! Welcome to your first taste of Fame and Fortune!”, Bob said smiling.
2024.05.20 23:51 PineappleMan670 I don't know why I feel what I feel
TLDR; (because I made this way longer than I thought I would) I’m upset all the time, suicidal, guilty, and feel like there’s something wrong with me but don’t know what it is.
TW: Suicidal Thoughts, SH (Obv)
I (14M) just feel sad all the time. It’s not like I don’t feel happy, I definitely do have my moments where I’m enjoying myself in life, but the other 90% of the time I just feel completely miserable.
Nothing’s causing it as far as I’m aware. I didn’t get into an argument that I’ve been bitter about forever. I just have absolutely no real reason to feel sad and it’s just killing me inside.
I don’t even know what kind of sadness it is. I feel like with how sad I am all the time, I should cry at least once or twice a week. But I don’t. I don’t feel the need to cry at all, even if I really want to.
I shouldn’t be upset. I have a nice life. I know what I want to do, I have the best family I could ask for, and all of my friends support me and I support them. I should be happy, but I’m just not, and I feel like I’m being so ungrateful for everything I’ve got even if I appreciate it.
My Mum told me that it was normal. I may have made it seem like much less of a big deal, I just told her I was ‘Sad all the time’, and she brushed it off as hormones. Maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t? I don’t know, I just feel so mentally ugly and like I’m doing something wrong when I don’t know what it is.
It’s draining, too. Being so sad all the time has just drained me of most of the energy I have for the day. I can’t tell if I’m just being lazy or maybe sadness is tiring, but I hate it. I just hate myself so much for it.
Why am I so lazy? Why do I always procrastinate until the last moment just because I don’t have any energy? Why can’t I just pick myself up? I’m such a horrible person, and i don’t want to be. But I don’t know how to stop.
I’ve been eating more too. I always eat anyway, but I’ve just been eating more to try and give myself energy. I stopped that, though, since my Mum always becomes irritated when I ask for just a little bit more when we’re heading to a shop or if we’re in the house. I don’t like annoying her, it just makes me feel guilty and like a horrible excuse of a human.
I knew going into being a teenager that I was going to be lazy, but I just feel like I’m leeching off of what’s given to me with how much I lounge and do nothing all day. I want to do something, I just don’t know what to do nor have the energy to do it. As far as I’m aware being a lazy teenager means not wanting to do something, so I don’t know why I’m like this.
I don’t get sleep, either. My parents always have a go at me for staying awake on my phone and it making me lose sleep, and the only difference in my sleep schedule when they take my phone away is that I no longer have a phone in my hand. I still get little sleep, and that doesn’t help with how tired I always get.
Other things have changed too. I’ve always loved acting, singing, swimming, things like that. I still enjoy them- just a lot less. Am I just doomed? How am I supposed to enjoy life and have a healthy job if I don’t even enjoy doing anything with myself. I’m scared I’m just a lost cause at this point.
I’ve always had trouble concentrating, and I’ve always been a bit bouncy, but now it’s ridiculous. I feel so out of place all the time- with everyone staying completely still yet my body having to constantly move or I start getting uncomfortable. My leg constantly bounces to soothe myself and I don’t know why it does that. My mum (as usual) always gets annoyed at me for it too, but I don’t know why I do it. I’m just programmed to be weird, I guess.
And with my concentration, I don’t know my problem there either. Sometimes even if it’s my favourite subject- music, I’ll be listening intently and having a good time while performing music or composing, but my mind constantly wanders off and thinks about the most random things that had nothing to do with the subject. I don’t think it’s ADHD, since I’d have to have other symptoms. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me there, either.
I don’t feel like I’m trustworthy, either. Nobody’s ever really trusted me- and rightfully so. As much as I try and be a good person, I’m just not. I’m a horrible person and I hate myself for it. I can barely be trusted with a phone. I’ve promised that I’d try and that I could change by using my phone less on school nights, but I’m not even given the chance to. I don’t get given a chance because I’m that untrustworthy. How much time they wasted raising me just to bring up someone like me.
They don’t trust me with household work, either. I’ve always (well not always, but I occasionally will) have asked if I could be taught how to do specific chores. Using the washing machine, ironing, using the oven/stove and most importantly cooking. But they said ‘unless you can do X, Y, Z, no.’ And XYZ is usually some smaller tasks that I can’t do out of tiredness. And it made me feel so much more lazy and horrible again. They really don’t trust me with anything, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what I did wrong, and if they could explain their distrust of me then I’d get it.
I hate how constantly on edge I am around my parents. I don’t know why I feel like this, but I just get so anxious whenever I feel like I might say the wrong thing that will get them so upset at me that they disown me right on the spot. I swore in front of my Mum (who, for the record, hates it) the other day, and literally broke down in tears when I got home. I had shaky hands the rest of the day just waiting for her to walk up to me and tell me she didn’t want me anymore. She didn’t do that in the end, but I felt so annoyed at myself for messing up. And like today, Dad said ‘don’t spill the crisps’ but literally 2 seconds later I accidentally spilled them and my heart literally stopped. I expected him to start screaming at me about how much he hated me and wish he had a different child, but he didn’t. But I just know that’s what they think.
I don’t know why I think this, I don’t remember them lashing out at me ever before.
Hiding it is difficult. Putting on a face because it’s not like anybody would care about my problems is probably even more draining than just existing anyway, but I don’t want to annoy them too. Everyone in friends with has problems. If I told them about mine then that would be more weight on their shoulders, I don’t want to be even more of a burden on their lives than I already am.
What’s more difficult to hide is my scars. I always told myself that ‘self harm is stupid’ and ‘I would never do that’, but here I am, tempted to relapse again. I’ve tried to stop because my Mum told me that reasons why it’s bad (which I already knew, but didn’t want to make it awkward by saying that) but I just can’t. It helps so much more than even thinking about telling people about my problems, which just makes me feel anxious and alone. Cutting is so much easier, and I could care less if it gets infected. The scars heal quickly, and I don’t really think I’m ever going to stop cutting. It’s realistically just me being lazy again- never putting in enough effort.
Now we’re into the dark, edgy stuff, as if it wasn’t already bad before, but I kinda just wanna die. It’s not that I want to kill myself, I just don’t really want to be alive. I hate myself so much. I hate how lazy I am, how tired I always get, how forgetful I am, how easily distracted I am, how hungry I am, how sad I am, and how disappointed my parents get whenever they see me as one of the above things I listed (mostly my Mum, since she always point out these things). I hate constantly lying to people about not being sad, only proving to myself that I’m just untrustworthy. I hate how much I try to get better but never do. I just can’t live like this, and I don’t want to.
The only reason I have to live is that a lot of my relatives would be sad. Grandparents, and how would you explain to My Nieces and Nephews that I killed myself? I can’t live with that. I do also have the reason that I have to perform in musical shows, and the whole thing would be ruined if the main roles disappeared, but once those shows are over my will to live will just go down.
And it’s not like I could tell anyone. I’m not trustworthy, nobody would believe me. Nobody would want to help, there’s no point. With all that I’ve said that’s horrible about me, nobody could pick a good reason to help me.
Okay that’s the end. I made my Parents sound like horrible people in this but they aren’t, they really are good parents. I know this might not be the best sub to ask but I SH because of this sad and guilty feeling, so maybe someone could relate and help me out.
I made this way longer than I thought and it kinda became venting but I just want to know why I have all these things spiralling in my brain :/
submitted by PineappleMan670 to selfharmteens [link] [comments]
TW: Suicidal Thoughts, SH (Obv)
I (14M) just feel sad all the time. It’s not like I don’t feel happy, I definitely do have my moments where I’m enjoying myself in life, but the other 90% of the time I just feel completely miserable.
Nothing’s causing it as far as I’m aware. I didn’t get into an argument that I’ve been bitter about forever. I just have absolutely no real reason to feel sad and it’s just killing me inside.
I don’t even know what kind of sadness it is. I feel like with how sad I am all the time, I should cry at least once or twice a week. But I don’t. I don’t feel the need to cry at all, even if I really want to.
I shouldn’t be upset. I have a nice life. I know what I want to do, I have the best family I could ask for, and all of my friends support me and I support them. I should be happy, but I’m just not, and I feel like I’m being so ungrateful for everything I’ve got even if I appreciate it.
My Mum told me that it was normal. I may have made it seem like much less of a big deal, I just told her I was ‘Sad all the time’, and she brushed it off as hormones. Maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t? I don’t know, I just feel so mentally ugly and like I’m doing something wrong when I don’t know what it is.
It’s draining, too. Being so sad all the time has just drained me of most of the energy I have for the day. I can’t tell if I’m just being lazy or maybe sadness is tiring, but I hate it. I just hate myself so much for it.
Why am I so lazy? Why do I always procrastinate until the last moment just because I don’t have any energy? Why can’t I just pick myself up? I’m such a horrible person, and i don’t want to be. But I don’t know how to stop.
I’ve been eating more too. I always eat anyway, but I’ve just been eating more to try and give myself energy. I stopped that, though, since my Mum always becomes irritated when I ask for just a little bit more when we’re heading to a shop or if we’re in the house. I don’t like annoying her, it just makes me feel guilty and like a horrible excuse of a human.
I knew going into being a teenager that I was going to be lazy, but I just feel like I’m leeching off of what’s given to me with how much I lounge and do nothing all day. I want to do something, I just don’t know what to do nor have the energy to do it. As far as I’m aware being a lazy teenager means not wanting to do something, so I don’t know why I’m like this.
I don’t get sleep, either. My parents always have a go at me for staying awake on my phone and it making me lose sleep, and the only difference in my sleep schedule when they take my phone away is that I no longer have a phone in my hand. I still get little sleep, and that doesn’t help with how tired I always get.
Other things have changed too. I’ve always loved acting, singing, swimming, things like that. I still enjoy them- just a lot less. Am I just doomed? How am I supposed to enjoy life and have a healthy job if I don’t even enjoy doing anything with myself. I’m scared I’m just a lost cause at this point.
I’ve always had trouble concentrating, and I’ve always been a bit bouncy, but now it’s ridiculous. I feel so out of place all the time- with everyone staying completely still yet my body having to constantly move or I start getting uncomfortable. My leg constantly bounces to soothe myself and I don’t know why it does that. My mum (as usual) always gets annoyed at me for it too, but I don’t know why I do it. I’m just programmed to be weird, I guess.
And with my concentration, I don’t know my problem there either. Sometimes even if it’s my favourite subject- music, I’ll be listening intently and having a good time while performing music or composing, but my mind constantly wanders off and thinks about the most random things that had nothing to do with the subject. I don’t think it’s ADHD, since I’d have to have other symptoms. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me there, either.
I don’t feel like I’m trustworthy, either. Nobody’s ever really trusted me- and rightfully so. As much as I try and be a good person, I’m just not. I’m a horrible person and I hate myself for it. I can barely be trusted with a phone. I’ve promised that I’d try and that I could change by using my phone less on school nights, but I’m not even given the chance to. I don’t get given a chance because I’m that untrustworthy. How much time they wasted raising me just to bring up someone like me.
They don’t trust me with household work, either. I’ve always (well not always, but I occasionally will) have asked if I could be taught how to do specific chores. Using the washing machine, ironing, using the oven/stove and most importantly cooking. But they said ‘unless you can do X, Y, Z, no.’ And XYZ is usually some smaller tasks that I can’t do out of tiredness. And it made me feel so much more lazy and horrible again. They really don’t trust me with anything, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what I did wrong, and if they could explain their distrust of me then I’d get it.
I hate how constantly on edge I am around my parents. I don’t know why I feel like this, but I just get so anxious whenever I feel like I might say the wrong thing that will get them so upset at me that they disown me right on the spot. I swore in front of my Mum (who, for the record, hates it) the other day, and literally broke down in tears when I got home. I had shaky hands the rest of the day just waiting for her to walk up to me and tell me she didn’t want me anymore. She didn’t do that in the end, but I felt so annoyed at myself for messing up. And like today, Dad said ‘don’t spill the crisps’ but literally 2 seconds later I accidentally spilled them and my heart literally stopped. I expected him to start screaming at me about how much he hated me and wish he had a different child, but he didn’t. But I just know that’s what they think.
I don’t know why I think this, I don’t remember them lashing out at me ever before.
Hiding it is difficult. Putting on a face because it’s not like anybody would care about my problems is probably even more draining than just existing anyway, but I don’t want to annoy them too. Everyone in friends with has problems. If I told them about mine then that would be more weight on their shoulders, I don’t want to be even more of a burden on their lives than I already am.
What’s more difficult to hide is my scars. I always told myself that ‘self harm is stupid’ and ‘I would never do that’, but here I am, tempted to relapse again. I’ve tried to stop because my Mum told me that reasons why it’s bad (which I already knew, but didn’t want to make it awkward by saying that) but I just can’t. It helps so much more than even thinking about telling people about my problems, which just makes me feel anxious and alone. Cutting is so much easier, and I could care less if it gets infected. The scars heal quickly, and I don’t really think I’m ever going to stop cutting. It’s realistically just me being lazy again- never putting in enough effort.
Now we’re into the dark, edgy stuff, as if it wasn’t already bad before, but I kinda just wanna die. It’s not that I want to kill myself, I just don’t really want to be alive. I hate myself so much. I hate how lazy I am, how tired I always get, how forgetful I am, how easily distracted I am, how hungry I am, how sad I am, and how disappointed my parents get whenever they see me as one of the above things I listed (mostly my Mum, since she always point out these things). I hate constantly lying to people about not being sad, only proving to myself that I’m just untrustworthy. I hate how much I try to get better but never do. I just can’t live like this, and I don’t want to.
The only reason I have to live is that a lot of my relatives would be sad. Grandparents, and how would you explain to My Nieces and Nephews that I killed myself? I can’t live with that. I do also have the reason that I have to perform in musical shows, and the whole thing would be ruined if the main roles disappeared, but once those shows are over my will to live will just go down.
And it’s not like I could tell anyone. I’m not trustworthy, nobody would believe me. Nobody would want to help, there’s no point. With all that I’ve said that’s horrible about me, nobody could pick a good reason to help me.
Okay that’s the end. I made my Parents sound like horrible people in this but they aren’t, they really are good parents. I know this might not be the best sub to ask but I SH because of this sad and guilty feeling, so maybe someone could relate and help me out.
I made this way longer than I thought and it kinda became venting but I just want to know why I have all these things spiralling in my brain :/
2024.05.20 23:43 XCanuck My marriage feels strained and very one-sided, unsure how to cope with a wife who won't communicate or share responsibilities
There's a "dad joke" I heard that goes: My therapist told me to write out a big long rant letter to everyone I have a problem with, burn them all to ashes, and scatter the ashes into the wind. I did all that last weekend, but now I'm not sure what to do with the letters.
This post feels like that big, long rant, but I genuinely could really use some help/ideas beyond "go to marriage counseling." I provide so much to the family and household that isn't reciprocated, but trying to set boundaries to feel more balanced gets passive-aggressive and/or silent treatment. I'm not writing all this here just to vent, I've actually edited this down pretty significantly to summarize what I'm going through and giving some examples.
Thanks for giving me the space to share this.
Me (50/M), Wife (45/F), two kids 15 and 13. We have no family who live anywhere close to us. We're in the middle of America, her divorced parents are on the coast, and mine's in Canada where I'm originally from (in case my username didn't give that away).
TLDR at the bottom.
Trigger warnings: a ruined birthday, shared/not-shared finances, me losing my cool and walking out on my family and getting the silent treatment since, and apparently being the only parent/grown-up in the house.
To this family, I feel that all I am to them is the income/paycheck and personal chef, and I'm ready to walk away. My wife won't communicate, gets defensive and angry, and doesn't contribute to the marriage or teach our kids about responsibility, so I look like a jerk all the time. If I speak up and ask her to help, I'm treated like a jerk. If I don't speak up, she does nothing.
Background about physicality, work and finances
I work in tech, typically 50-70 hours per week, and take on occasional (< 5 hrs/week) contract work as a side business to pay for my 3D printing hobby that I'm also trying to turn into a side business. She works part-time maybe one full day of work throughout the week on an as-needed basis.
My job pays the benefits, and I've established a retirement fund for us, plus a 401K and Roth IRA, plus a 529 account for each of the kids that I've been investing in since they were born. I paid off both cars. We're debt-free except for our mortgage, and we have enough assets to pay off the house if we choose to.
We each have a bank account for ourselves, plus a joint bank account. Her part-time paychecks and other money from an inheritance, goes 100% into her account only, and I use my account for my 3D printing business to maintain an LLC. Just about everything financial is paid for from my paychecks. I've always treated this as "our" money. All bills, mortgage, memberships, subscriptions (Netflix, etc), things the kids need (clothing, shoes, school supplies, etc), furniture, medical bills, etc are all paid from a joint account that is funded 100% by my paycheck. She makes no contributions to this account, but she does withdraw from it for fast food, snacks she buys just for herself, her own crafting hobbies, and she'll pick up maybe $100/month for some groceries.
I promised her before we were even married that if she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom or, at any point, go back to work, she'd have my full support either way, and I've kept that promise. She worked full-time for about 2 years before we had kids and worked a fair bit of part-time work before the kids started school in 2013. She's been at her part-time job for 2 years, so quite a span where she didn't work at all.
She works as a 1099 contractor and, despite repeatedly being asked to, won't reserve money for tax time. So, not only does she spend 100% of her paycheck, but I have to be sure that we save enough to cover her tax bill every year. She's never offered to contribute to tax payments we have to make.
I had gallbladder surgery and bariatric surgery, so I've had pretty restrictive dietary needs for the past 5-6 years. She often made comments about me being heavy and having a shortened life span, but since my bariatric surgery, she's expressed resentment about my body changing (I lost 120+lbs) and now doesn't care to learn what kinds of protein/carb/fat balance I need, and gained about 80lbs herself. As such, she does not contribute to any meal planning, which means I'm doing 95% of all meal planning, groceries, and cooking.
When it comes to cooking, I'm a damn good cook, and it's 100% because of YouTube. She grew up in an environment where she wasn't encouraged to cook or even learn to, so she lived on PBJ through college until we started dating and I would cook or take her out. When the kids were in their "picky" stages of 4yrs-9yrs of age, she got frustrated with cooking but years later still holds to that "NOBODY likes what I cook". So she makes maybe 2 or 3 meals per month now, and it's always the same meals. Last night, she cooked 10 people's worth of macaroni with a single pound of ground beef and more than a pound of cheese. I had to pick out the meat to get my protein and then drink a protein shake afterward, and then got offended that I threw away the noodles/cheese. (My diet needs high protein, low carbs, and almost no fat, she knows this because I tell her quite often, but she won't do anything about it; she's bought maybe 3 shelves worth of cookbooks and won't even open them or go take a class or anything.)
Our oldest kid has shown an interest in cooking and will maybe cook one meal per week and ask me to help him out, so I share what I've learned, things I've tried, experimented with, lessons learned, etc., and we have a good time, and they really appreciate the learning opportunity. On the rare occasion I do see my wife making dinner in the kitchen, I show her that I'm really happy about what she's making and ask if she wants help chopping or anything and I only get "no" as an answer and completely shut down like I'm not supposed to be in the kitchen. I'll try to have conversation with her but then she can't concentrate on cooking, chopping, etc, and then "ruined" dinner is my fault.
"Her" money versus "our" money, and how we spend our days/weekends
My wife had a relative die quite a few years ago and in the fall of 2018 was given a $250k inheritance. She has always referred to this as "her" money, "her" retirement, in case "she" needs a nursing home later. I'm not in her future plans, apparently. She gave $50k of it to a cousin who was deliberately left out of that relative's will. My wife's will leaves any remaining inheritance money to the kids. No mention of me anywhere whatsoever.
Once the inheritance money hit her bank account, she decides to buy a horse from halfway across the country and put it in a boarding stable 20 minutes from the house. It was a childhood dream of hers. Apparently, she's allowed to pursue her dreams and interests, it's "her" money, I'm not allowed to tell her what to do with it, but she complains when my 3D printing business makes enough money to buy another printer to keep up with demand... And my hobby takes up less time per week than she spends at the barn.
When she's not working her one-day-a-week job, she's at the boarding stable for a few hours per day, playing with her horse, taking selfies, taking him on walks, not actually riding him. With her remaining time at home, and when she gets home with the kids, she's lying on the couch, acting worn out and tired like she just bench-pressed the friggin' horse. (And yes, I know horse training CAN be exhausting, but she's not doing anything exhausting with him. She literally walks him on a path, or walks him in circles in an arena enclosure, or she's brushing him down and bathing him to look nice for Instagram)
In the summer of 2018, right before she got this inheritance money, she spent $50k of "our" money on a kitchen renovation that she insisted she designs herself, and then felt guilty about the bill and me having to take on more side contracting work to pay off the HELOC in a reasonable amount of time, and contributed back $10k to the whole project from "her" money afterward. "Her" money paid for the kids' orthodontics, about $3k each. But she literally contributes NOTHING else financially to the family.
If I had to guess, she's got about $150k left of that inheritance money, maybe less, she won't ever tell me about it. And we don't get a notice from the bank about interest gained at tax time every year because she put it in an account that makes ZERO interest. She sees my investments with 25%-40% gains, but won't ever ask for my help or input. Instead, she asked 3 other guys at work who told her to at least get a Vanguard account, but almost 6 years later she's never done it.
I work full-time as mentioned, and work from home. Work is typically 50+ hours per week but I try to cap it at 60-ish if I can. For the past month I've been on a project with a tight deadline, and working more like 10-14 hours per day 6 days per week. It's like that in tech, she's been understanding of this in the past, and I'm sure to take jobs where this is NOT the norm. Still, I'm always happy to help drive the kids to/from school or to music lessons or doctors, but I'm usually treated like "how dare you," that's "her" job, like that's her contribution to everything.
She works a part-time job doing marketing. Maybe 2-3 hours a day, one or two days per week. Sometimes busier in Q1 as they prep/plan most of the year, but then very low-lift afterward. She spends maybe 40 minutes per day taking the kids to/from school. Other than that, she's at the barn or on the couch. (have I mentioned we've gone through several couches that "our" money pays for??)
The marital imbalance I'm dealing with
She won't enforce chores for the kids, remind them to do laundry, or clean their rooms, or even shower. She'll text me "one of the boys smells" after taking them to school, but won't insist they shower, or back me up on the whole "c'mon guys, brush twice a day at least, and shower at least every 2 days with actual some soap on your bodies and actual shampoo on your hair, and use deodorant..." She'll make remarks like "Didn't you wear and sleep in those clothes for the past 3 days?" but won't make them change, or tell them to do their laundry.
She might do dishes 2 to 3 times per month, it's normally a chore we give to the kids, but she never enforces it. If they stack up for 3 days she'll do some of them but not all of them. One kid was born on an odd-numbered day, the other on an even-numbered day, so the rule is if today is an even or odd day, we know whose turn it is to do the dishes. And if the month has an odd number of days, I do the dishes on the 31st/29th day. But they're teenagers, they'd rather be in their rooms being teenagers, so I have to constantly remind them. Neither of them checks that the dishes are even clean before putting them away, something she specifically called out being embarrassed about when we were dating and visiting her mom's house where half of the dishes in the cupboard still had dried food all over them.
And then garbage day, or yard work, or vacuuming, cleaning a bathroom, cleaning their room, shoveling snow. She doesn't help enforce ANY of the chores that we agreed on. So I'm the sole disciplinarian around here, which makes the kids grow up thinking they better avoid me or I'm the jerk who's gonna put them to work.
Nothing happens around here unless I ask the rest of the family. I've purposefully left chores undone for "that's almost a health hazard" amounts of time and still nobody takes the initiative, nor will she ask the kids to help. They all see the work needs to be done, but they won't choose to help, and they're probably learning from her example of just sitting in some other room/area of the house and someone else will do it someday.
Even asking them "what kind of meals do you want this week, what haven't we had in a while, what's your favorite meal," you'd swear I was asking them to cure cancer every Saturday so I could start to plan meals for the following week and get groceries on Sunday, which has been our routine since the kids could talk.
Their cop-out is to skip the 3 shelves of cookbooks and flip through a binder we kept from a few months of Hello Fresh meals but then it's the same 10-12 meals that get kinda old after a while.
I feel like I have no help from anyone.
I reached my tipping point, and recently walked out on my family
A little over three weeks ago, I'm on this tight deadline at work, getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep at night, pulling 10-14 hour days. It's a Wednesday, I remember about 430pm that I should commit my code, as I usually do 'cause I need to make dinner because nobody else is gonna do it. Oh, wait, tonight was grilled cheese and tomato soup -- literally, ANYONE ELSE in the house, including our 13yr old who has never shown any interest in cooking, could heat a can of soup and melt cheese between bread, right??? Surely SOMOENE else in the family will handle dinner, so I keep working (note, without asking anyone else to help with dinner), hoping someone else will handle the meal. (and yes, I know this is typically against my diet, but I indulge in this low-protein, high-carb, higher-fat meal about once a month.)
At 730pm my wife comes STOMPING into my office area, "I can't make the grilled cheese like you do." No politeness, just turns and stomps back to the kitchen. I follow her to the kitchen, where the tomato soup is on a RAPID boil, yet she hasn't even started making the grilled cheese sandwiches. I turn the soup off, take it off the burner, and start to describe what to do for the grilled cheese. It's honestly nothing special; I put shredded cheese in the pan to get crusty on the outside of the bread, then stack up the the grilled cheese, put break on top, let the inner cheese melt, and flip it onto more shredded cheese. Highly recommended.
She says "Oh" and ... LEAVES THE KITCHEN, leaving me there expecting me to make dinner... and I'm pissed. I should have just gone back to my work area, but she parks herself back on the couch.
I get everything made, and of course nobody sets the table, ever. Now I'm seriously pissed off, so I slam some dishes in the middle of the table and go back into the kitchen to get the pot of soup and plate of sandwiches. I get back to the dinner table, where my wife and youngest are just standing there, STILL not setting the table despite me standing there with food that I can't even put down. So I drop the food on the table wherever I can, soup splashes everywhere, and I start setting the table while they stand there and watch and ... I lost my cool. I flung bowls and spoons in the general area where they're supposed to be at the table, and I walked out of the house. I returned 4 or 5 hours later once they were all in bed.
The ONE meal in my busy schedule that ANY of them could have made, and her contribution was putting a can of soup in a pot.
She still didn't make any meals for the rest of the week. That Sunday she put a meal plan together for the whole following week. Again, all super carb-heavy when she knows my own diet can't handle that. And then she stopped planning ANYTHING ELSE SINCE THEN. The following week's "meal plan" was just a list of who was home on which night because of end-of-school-year events going on. No meals, no grocery list. Meanwhile I'm still on my deadline... Last week, no help at all. This week, zero help.
So this week's meal plan I finally set a boundary for myself that was VERY clear to them: I'm planning to cook 3 meals for the whole week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and left the rest open with no meal planned. Last night at 6pm she made her "hamburger helper" and plans "ramen" for tomorrow (again, all noodles and broth, very little protein), but no other help from her for the rest of the meal plan for the remainder of the week.
My recently ruined 50th birthday
My birthday was a little over a week ago. I turned 50. Send me your favorite dad jokes, please, I beg of you.
My wife asked me 2 or 3 months ago if I wanted any kind of party, etc. to which I said yeah, I'd love to have a few friends over, named several of them, all of whom she either has in her phone, or are guys married to women that I know she stays in regular contact with. I mentioned some all-you-can-eat places that we could go, just the 4 of us, where I could pick out good proteins etc. and they could eat whatever they wanted.
I got nothing. No dinner out. No party. No friends.
The night before my birthday, she was too lazy to get off the couch, so I went to bed alone. I woke up in bed alone. I told the family the day before that I wanted French Toast for breakfast, normally something we'd do on Christmas Day, but it was my 50th birthday gosh darn it, and I was even thawing bacon. I even bought all the groceries needed. Nope, had to cook that alone too, so I only made enough for me, and ate alone. Showered alone, 'cause we haven't been intimate in ... 3 months? 4 months? And who cares that it's my birthday.
Nobody asked if I wanted to go out anywhere, go see a movie, go for a hike with the dog, nothing. So I went out with the dog, alone.
That night I had to make dinner for the family, again, on my own friggin' birthday. Alone in the kitchen. AND I had to remind the kids to clean up the kitchen afterward 'cause they won't do it unless they're told. She bought tiny pieces of cheesecake for dessert, which she knows I don't like and can't eat because of my diet. I had one tiny piece, she and the kids ate the rest.
No cake, no candle, no balloons. It was my FIFTIETH birthday ...
We have some serious communication breakdown going on
Since I walked out of the house a few weeks back, she only talks to me when she wants something, and that comes across more as a demand, "I need you to pick the kids up from school, I have to be at work" and walks away She won't say good morning or even hi, unless I say it first. Lately, I say "hi" or "hey" as we're passing in the house and I get no response at all. I get literal one-word responses when I ask her a question. A few nights ago, several nights in a row, I'm in the living room on my laptop trying to get more work done, she'll come in the room, not ask me what I'm doing or if I'm working, and blast a TV show on her phone at near-maximum volume, and fall asleep on the couch.
She gets mad and offended any time I offer constructive criticism of any kind. And it doesn't matter how delicately I try to phrase things, I'll agonize for days over exactly which words to use, she'll get super defensive, angry and lash out, and give me the silent treatment for weeks.
Last Tuesday was an end-of-year awards show for our youngest, who's finishing 8th grade. He's really into music and he stayed after school to practice for the event. She comes home to get ready then decides to leave for the event by herself. I only noticed when the garage opened and closed. She doesn't say anything to me or our oldest kid about what time she wanted to leave or if we're ready to go, she just ... left. Well of COURSE we both want to go, but now we have to drive there separately. And he wins a TON of awards, one from his classmates, one from his teacher, and one from the school. I'd have been PISSED to have missed that. "Oh, I thought you didn't want to go..." was her reason later.
This past Saturday, I do ALL the yardwork 'cause she won't tell the kids to help and I'm frankly tired of having to ask for help. A few hours of yard work later, I tell my youngest to vacuum 'cause nobody vacuums around here unless I tell them to and honestly it's gross. I hop in the shower to clean up and cool down from the yard work. Youngest decides it's "too hot in the house" and sits in the kitchen to eat a popsicle instead of vacuuming. No backup from my wife at all on this, who's still parked on the couch. So I get upset with him, he does a half-assed job, says he's "tired' (from watching YouTube all day) and goes back to his room and we don't see him again the rest of the day. Again, no help or backup from my wife.
It's now 7pm in the house Saturday night, and -- shocker -- NOBODY has bothered to even ASK about dinner much less put any kind of food together. 8pm rolls around and my oldest finally emerges from his own room, starts thawing some chicken, and comes to ask me for help to make a meal, which I happily do. Until I get grumbly comments about "why are we eating so late." And my wife makes her way back to the couch. Not so much as a "thanks for cooking" or offer to clean up. And of COURSE nobody is doing the dishes, because DAD didn't remind anyone.
WHAT DO I DO??
19 years ago when we got married, this felt like a marriage. We did stuff together, we split things evenly, shared responsibility and chores, we both cooked, we bought groceries together. The first few years with kids were rough, but it at least FELT like a partnership once we figured out how to be parents. But something has shifted over the past decade, and this feels less and less like a partnership, much less feeling like a marriage. This whole relationship feels very one-sided, I get no appreciation for any of my constant hard work and being a provider. Instead, she's accused me, twice, of having an affair, once to the point of giving me anxiety/panic attacks for which I was almost hospitalized.
Now, she and the kids are noticing and talking behind my back (like I can't hear them) about the fact that I'm not wearing my wedding band anymore. Of course, the kids won't ask me directly, and I'm not bringing it up myself, and my wife's not talking to me anyway. Maybe she's still mad that I got mad a few weeks ago and walked out? Hard to know when the person won't talk to you unless they want something from you.
I'll put the damn ring back on when it feels like a marriage again. But then the next time it comes off, I think it'll stay off.
TL;DR! To this family, I feel that all I am to them is the income/paycheck and personal chef, and I'm ready to walk away. I can see why parents stay together "for the kids." As with most marriages, it started great; we've had bumpy times, but we always got through it together. Nothing like this, though. My wife won't communicate, gets defensive and angry, and doesn't contribute to the marriage or teach our kids about responsibility, so I look like a jerk all the time. Something has shifted over the past decade, and this feels less and less like a partnership. This whole relationship feels very one-sided, I get no appreciation for any of my constant hard work and being a provider.
submitted by XCanuck to relationships [link] [comments]
This post feels like that big, long rant, but I genuinely could really use some help/ideas beyond "go to marriage counseling." I provide so much to the family and household that isn't reciprocated, but trying to set boundaries to feel more balanced gets passive-aggressive and/or silent treatment. I'm not writing all this here just to vent, I've actually edited this down pretty significantly to summarize what I'm going through and giving some examples.
Thanks for giving me the space to share this.
Me (50/M), Wife (45/F), two kids 15 and 13. We have no family who live anywhere close to us. We're in the middle of America, her divorced parents are on the coast, and mine's in Canada where I'm originally from (in case my username didn't give that away).
TLDR at the bottom.
To this family, I feel that all I am to them is the income/paycheck and personal chef, and I'm ready to walk away. My wife won't communicate, gets defensive and angry, and doesn't contribute to the marriage or teach our kids about responsibility, so I look like a jerk all the time. If I speak up and ask her to help, I'm treated like a jerk. If I don't speak up, she does nothing.
I work in tech, typically 50-70 hours per week, and take on occasional (< 5 hrs/week) contract work as a side business to pay for my 3D printing hobby that I'm also trying to turn into a side business. She works part-time maybe one full day of work throughout the week on an as-needed basis.
My job pays the benefits, and I've established a retirement fund for us, plus a 401K and Roth IRA, plus a 529 account for each of the kids that I've been investing in since they were born. I paid off both cars. We're debt-free except for our mortgage, and we have enough assets to pay off the house if we choose to.
We each have a bank account for ourselves, plus a joint bank account. Her part-time paychecks and other money from an inheritance, goes 100% into her account only, and I use my account for my 3D printing business to maintain an LLC. Just about everything financial is paid for from my paychecks. I've always treated this as "our" money. All bills, mortgage, memberships, subscriptions (Netflix, etc), things the kids need (clothing, shoes, school supplies, etc), furniture, medical bills, etc are all paid from a joint account that is funded 100% by my paycheck. She makes no contributions to this account, but she does withdraw from it for fast food, snacks she buys just for herself, her own crafting hobbies, and she'll pick up maybe $100/month for some groceries.
I promised her before we were even married that if she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom or, at any point, go back to work, she'd have my full support either way, and I've kept that promise. She worked full-time for about 2 years before we had kids and worked a fair bit of part-time work before the kids started school in 2013. She's been at her part-time job for 2 years, so quite a span where she didn't work at all.
She works as a 1099 contractor and, despite repeatedly being asked to, won't reserve money for tax time. So, not only does she spend 100% of her paycheck, but I have to be sure that we save enough to cover her tax bill every year. She's never offered to contribute to tax payments we have to make.
I had gallbladder surgery and bariatric surgery, so I've had pretty restrictive dietary needs for the past 5-6 years. She often made comments about me being heavy and having a shortened life span, but since my bariatric surgery, she's expressed resentment about my body changing (I lost 120+lbs) and now doesn't care to learn what kinds of protein/carb/fat balance I need, and gained about 80lbs herself. As such, she does not contribute to any meal planning, which means I'm doing 95% of all meal planning, groceries, and cooking.
When it comes to cooking, I'm a damn good cook, and it's 100% because of YouTube. She grew up in an environment where she wasn't encouraged to cook or even learn to, so she lived on PBJ through college until we started dating and I would cook or take her out. When the kids were in their "picky" stages of 4yrs-9yrs of age, she got frustrated with cooking but years later still holds to that "NOBODY likes what I cook". So she makes maybe 2 or 3 meals per month now, and it's always the same meals. Last night, she cooked 10 people's worth of macaroni with a single pound of ground beef and more than a pound of cheese. I had to pick out the meat to get my protein and then drink a protein shake afterward, and then got offended that I threw away the noodles/cheese. (My diet needs high protein, low carbs, and almost no fat, she knows this because I tell her quite often, but she won't do anything about it; she's bought maybe 3 shelves worth of cookbooks and won't even open them or go take a class or anything.)
Our oldest kid has shown an interest in cooking and will maybe cook one meal per week and ask me to help him out, so I share what I've learned, things I've tried, experimented with, lessons learned, etc., and we have a good time, and they really appreciate the learning opportunity. On the rare occasion I do see my wife making dinner in the kitchen, I show her that I'm really happy about what she's making and ask if she wants help chopping or anything and I only get "no" as an answer and completely shut down like I'm not supposed to be in the kitchen. I'll try to have conversation with her but then she can't concentrate on cooking, chopping, etc, and then "ruined" dinner is my fault.
My wife had a relative die quite a few years ago and in the fall of 2018 was given a $250k inheritance. She has always referred to this as "her" money, "her" retirement, in case "she" needs a nursing home later. I'm not in her future plans, apparently. She gave $50k of it to a cousin who was deliberately left out of that relative's will. My wife's will leaves any remaining inheritance money to the kids. No mention of me anywhere whatsoever.
Once the inheritance money hit her bank account, she decides to buy a horse from halfway across the country and put it in a boarding stable 20 minutes from the house. It was a childhood dream of hers. Apparently, she's allowed to pursue her dreams and interests, it's "her" money, I'm not allowed to tell her what to do with it, but she complains when my 3D printing business makes enough money to buy another printer to keep up with demand... And my hobby takes up less time per week than she spends at the barn.
When she's not working her one-day-a-week job, she's at the boarding stable for a few hours per day, playing with her horse, taking selfies, taking him on walks, not actually riding him. With her remaining time at home, and when she gets home with the kids, she's lying on the couch, acting worn out and tired like she just bench-pressed the friggin' horse. (And yes, I know horse training CAN be exhausting, but she's not doing anything exhausting with him. She literally walks him on a path, or walks him in circles in an arena enclosure, or she's brushing him down and bathing him to look nice for Instagram)
In the summer of 2018, right before she got this inheritance money, she spent $50k of "our" money on a kitchen renovation that she insisted she designs herself, and then felt guilty about the bill and me having to take on more side contracting work to pay off the HELOC in a reasonable amount of time, and contributed back $10k to the whole project from "her" money afterward. "Her" money paid for the kids' orthodontics, about $3k each. But she literally contributes NOTHING else financially to the family.
If I had to guess, she's got about $150k left of that inheritance money, maybe less, she won't ever tell me about it. And we don't get a notice from the bank about interest gained at tax time every year because she put it in an account that makes ZERO interest. She sees my investments with 25%-40% gains, but won't ever ask for my help or input. Instead, she asked 3 other guys at work who told her to at least get a Vanguard account, but almost 6 years later she's never done it.
I work full-time as mentioned, and work from home. Work is typically 50+ hours per week but I try to cap it at 60-ish if I can. For the past month I've been on a project with a tight deadline, and working more like 10-14 hours per day 6 days per week. It's like that in tech, she's been understanding of this in the past, and I'm sure to take jobs where this is NOT the norm. Still, I'm always happy to help drive the kids to/from school or to music lessons or doctors, but I'm usually treated like "how dare you," that's "her" job, like that's her contribution to everything.
She works a part-time job doing marketing. Maybe 2-3 hours a day, one or two days per week. Sometimes busier in Q1 as they prep/plan most of the year, but then very low-lift afterward. She spends maybe 40 minutes per day taking the kids to/from school. Other than that, she's at the barn or on the couch. (have I mentioned we've gone through several couches that "our" money pays for??)
She won't enforce chores for the kids, remind them to do laundry, or clean their rooms, or even shower. She'll text me "one of the boys smells" after taking them to school, but won't insist they shower, or back me up on the whole "c'mon guys, brush twice a day at least, and shower at least every 2 days with actual some soap on your bodies and actual shampoo on your hair, and use deodorant..." She'll make remarks like "Didn't you wear and sleep in those clothes for the past 3 days?" but won't make them change, or tell them to do their laundry.
She might do dishes 2 to 3 times per month, it's normally a chore we give to the kids, but she never enforces it. If they stack up for 3 days she'll do some of them but not all of them. One kid was born on an odd-numbered day, the other on an even-numbered day, so the rule is if today is an even or odd day, we know whose turn it is to do the dishes. And if the month has an odd number of days, I do the dishes on the 31st/29th day. But they're teenagers, they'd rather be in their rooms being teenagers, so I have to constantly remind them. Neither of them checks that the dishes are even clean before putting them away, something she specifically called out being embarrassed about when we were dating and visiting her mom's house where half of the dishes in the cupboard still had dried food all over them.
And then garbage day, or yard work, or vacuuming, cleaning a bathroom, cleaning their room, shoveling snow. She doesn't help enforce ANY of the chores that we agreed on. So I'm the sole disciplinarian around here, which makes the kids grow up thinking they better avoid me or I'm the jerk who's gonna put them to work.
Nothing happens around here unless I ask the rest of the family. I've purposefully left chores undone for "that's almost a health hazard" amounts of time and still nobody takes the initiative, nor will she ask the kids to help. They all see the work needs to be done, but they won't choose to help, and they're probably learning from her example of just sitting in some other room/area of the house and someone else will do it someday.
Even asking them "what kind of meals do you want this week, what haven't we had in a while, what's your favorite meal," you'd swear I was asking them to cure cancer every Saturday so I could start to plan meals for the following week and get groceries on Sunday, which has been our routine since the kids could talk.
Their cop-out is to skip the 3 shelves of cookbooks and flip through a binder we kept from a few months of Hello Fresh meals but then it's the same 10-12 meals that get kinda old after a while.
I feel like I have no help from anyone.
A little over three weeks ago, I'm on this tight deadline at work, getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep at night, pulling 10-14 hour days. It's a Wednesday, I remember about 430pm that I should commit my code, as I usually do 'cause I need to make dinner because nobody else is gonna do it. Oh, wait, tonight was grilled cheese and tomato soup -- literally, ANYONE ELSE in the house, including our 13yr old who has never shown any interest in cooking, could heat a can of soup and melt cheese between bread, right??? Surely SOMOENE else in the family will handle dinner, so I keep working (note, without asking anyone else to help with dinner), hoping someone else will handle the meal. (and yes, I know this is typically against my diet, but I indulge in this low-protein, high-carb, higher-fat meal about once a month.)
At 730pm my wife comes STOMPING into my office area, "I can't make the grilled cheese like you do." No politeness, just turns and stomps back to the kitchen. I follow her to the kitchen, where the tomato soup is on a RAPID boil, yet she hasn't even started making the grilled cheese sandwiches. I turn the soup off, take it off the burner, and start to describe what to do for the grilled cheese. It's honestly nothing special; I put shredded cheese in the pan to get crusty on the outside of the bread, then stack up the the grilled cheese, put break on top, let the inner cheese melt, and flip it onto more shredded cheese. Highly recommended.
She says "Oh" and ... LEAVES THE KITCHEN, leaving me there expecting me to make dinner... and I'm pissed. I should have just gone back to my work area, but she parks herself back on the couch.
I get everything made, and of course nobody sets the table, ever. Now I'm seriously pissed off, so I slam some dishes in the middle of the table and go back into the kitchen to get the pot of soup and plate of sandwiches. I get back to the dinner table, where my wife and youngest are just standing there, STILL not setting the table despite me standing there with food that I can't even put down. So I drop the food on the table wherever I can, soup splashes everywhere, and I start setting the table while they stand there and watch and ... I lost my cool. I flung bowls and spoons in the general area where they're supposed to be at the table, and I walked out of the house. I returned 4 or 5 hours later once they were all in bed.
The ONE meal in my busy schedule that ANY of them could have made, and her contribution was putting a can of soup in a pot.
She still didn't make any meals for the rest of the week. That Sunday she put a meal plan together for the whole following week. Again, all super carb-heavy when she knows my own diet can't handle that. And then she stopped planning ANYTHING ELSE SINCE THEN. The following week's "meal plan" was just a list of who was home on which night because of end-of-school-year events going on. No meals, no grocery list. Meanwhile I'm still on my deadline... Last week, no help at all. This week, zero help.
So this week's meal plan I finally set a boundary for myself that was VERY clear to them: I'm planning to cook 3 meals for the whole week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and left the rest open with no meal planned. Last night at 6pm she made her "hamburger helper" and plans "ramen" for tomorrow (again, all noodles and broth, very little protein), but no other help from her for the rest of the meal plan for the remainder of the week.
My birthday was a little over a week ago. I turned 50. Send me your favorite dad jokes, please, I beg of you.
My wife asked me 2 or 3 months ago if I wanted any kind of party, etc. to which I said yeah, I'd love to have a few friends over, named several of them, all of whom she either has in her phone, or are guys married to women that I know she stays in regular contact with. I mentioned some all-you-can-eat places that we could go, just the 4 of us, where I could pick out good proteins etc. and they could eat whatever they wanted.
I got nothing. No dinner out. No party. No friends.
The night before my birthday, she was too lazy to get off the couch, so I went to bed alone. I woke up in bed alone. I told the family the day before that I wanted French Toast for breakfast, normally something we'd do on Christmas Day, but it was my 50th birthday gosh darn it, and I was even thawing bacon. I even bought all the groceries needed. Nope, had to cook that alone too, so I only made enough for me, and ate alone. Showered alone, 'cause we haven't been intimate in ... 3 months? 4 months? And who cares that it's my birthday.
Nobody asked if I wanted to go out anywhere, go see a movie, go for a hike with the dog, nothing. So I went out with the dog, alone.
That night I had to make dinner for the family, again, on my own friggin' birthday. Alone in the kitchen. AND I had to remind the kids to clean up the kitchen afterward 'cause they won't do it unless they're told. She bought tiny pieces of cheesecake for dessert, which she knows I don't like and can't eat because of my diet. I had one tiny piece, she and the kids ate the rest.
No cake, no candle, no balloons. It was my FIFTIETH birthday ...
Since I walked out of the house a few weeks back, she only talks to me when she wants something, and that comes across more as a demand, "I need you to pick the kids up from school, I have to be at work" and walks away She won't say good morning or even hi, unless I say it first. Lately, I say "hi" or "hey" as we're passing in the house and I get no response at all. I get literal one-word responses when I ask her a question. A few nights ago, several nights in a row, I'm in the living room on my laptop trying to get more work done, she'll come in the room, not ask me what I'm doing or if I'm working, and blast a TV show on her phone at near-maximum volume, and fall asleep on the couch.
She gets mad and offended any time I offer constructive criticism of any kind. And it doesn't matter how delicately I try to phrase things, I'll agonize for days over exactly which words to use, she'll get super defensive, angry and lash out, and give me the silent treatment for weeks.
Last Tuesday was an end-of-year awards show for our youngest, who's finishing 8th grade. He's really into music and he stayed after school to practice for the event. She comes home to get ready then decides to leave for the event by herself. I only noticed when the garage opened and closed. She doesn't say anything to me or our oldest kid about what time she wanted to leave or if we're ready to go, she just ... left. Well of COURSE we both want to go, but now we have to drive there separately. And he wins a TON of awards, one from his classmates, one from his teacher, and one from the school. I'd have been PISSED to have missed that. "Oh, I thought you didn't want to go..." was her reason later.
This past Saturday, I do ALL the yardwork 'cause she won't tell the kids to help and I'm frankly tired of having to ask for help. A few hours of yard work later, I tell my youngest to vacuum 'cause nobody vacuums around here unless I tell them to and honestly it's gross. I hop in the shower to clean up and cool down from the yard work. Youngest decides it's "too hot in the house" and sits in the kitchen to eat a popsicle instead of vacuuming. No backup from my wife at all on this, who's still parked on the couch. So I get upset with him, he does a half-assed job, says he's "tired' (from watching YouTube all day) and goes back to his room and we don't see him again the rest of the day. Again, no help or backup from my wife.
It's now 7pm in the house Saturday night, and -- shocker -- NOBODY has bothered to even ASK about dinner much less put any kind of food together. 8pm rolls around and my oldest finally emerges from his own room, starts thawing some chicken, and comes to ask me for help to make a meal, which I happily do. Until I get grumbly comments about "why are we eating so late." And my wife makes her way back to the couch. Not so much as a "thanks for cooking" or offer to clean up. And of COURSE nobody is doing the dishes, because DAD didn't remind anyone.
19 years ago when we got married, this felt like a marriage. We did stuff together, we split things evenly, shared responsibility and chores, we both cooked, we bought groceries together. The first few years with kids were rough, but it at least FELT like a partnership once we figured out how to be parents. But something has shifted over the past decade, and this feels less and less like a partnership, much less feeling like a marriage. This whole relationship feels very one-sided, I get no appreciation for any of my constant hard work and being a provider. Instead, she's accused me, twice, of having an affair, once to the point of giving me anxiety/panic attacks for which I was almost hospitalized.
Now, she and the kids are noticing and talking behind my back (like I can't hear them) about the fact that I'm not wearing my wedding band anymore. Of course, the kids won't ask me directly, and I'm not bringing it up myself, and my wife's not talking to me anyway. Maybe she's still mad that I got mad a few weeks ago and walked out? Hard to know when the person won't talk to you unless they want something from you.
I'll put the damn ring back on when it feels like a marriage again. But then the next time it comes off, I think it'll stay off.
2024.05.20 23:20 AnxiousSeason Our future.
 | As the weather slowly turns, my mind once again embraces the idea of starting. Winter is so easy to go inside your shell and forget everything. Summer comes around and suddenly begins to pop up. submitted by AnxiousSeason to sannyas [link] [comments] I think our chief concerned right now is going to be our Internet presence. Getting the website, email, getting podcasts, getting YouTube videos, even TikTok’s, and really just getting the message out, being a little controversial while still remaining authentic to who we are, and going our own way. Bhagwan had his style, and we love his style, but his style came from the era he lived in. His style was of the 50s and the 60s and the 70s and the 80s and the 90s, whereas our style needs to be true to our generation, and the generations that come after us. I myself am in my early 40s, soon mid 40s, and no doubt eventually 50s and so on so forth. So this movement, this international resurgence, it’s not even so much for me. I have a good life. My life is almost over. I can very easily continue to live my life right now without any change and I would be perfectly happy. I am happy to walk the farm and think of Bhagwan and meditate by myself. I have attained enlightenment. True enlightenment means not being so bothered by the fact that no one else knows you are enlightened. If you are so concerned by the fact that other people know that you are enlightened, then that by itself is assigned that you are not yet fully there. that is ego. And to become fully enlightened means ego death. Absolutely and completely. So as I walk the farm now, and I look upon the freshly cut grass and the green trees and the blue sky and the large volume is white clouds, I could die alone and I would be quite happy and fulfilled. Perhaps not alone, the cats keep me company. So this resurgence is not for me. It is I who am doing it, but it’s not for me. I don’t need it. I would like it, I would want it, but I don’t need it. And I have wondered in my days why me? I’m not special. I’m no one. I could continue to do what I do for the rest of my life and I would be just fine if nothing were to come of this. My life would not fundamentally or materially change. I would continue to watch the deer in the grass. I would continue to watch the birds at the birdfeeder. I would continue to hear the owl at night. I would continue to walk in the back 10 acres among the rainforest and be constantly and consistently in awe the natural beauty of it. I would watch the seasons come and go, the green at first, a bright new fresh spring green, slowly giveaway to a more standard green and eventually as it warmed up, dryer green, and then a brown and as it got colder it would be gone. And then it would be cold for a while and then eventually that same new fresh vibrant green would come back again and over and over. And then one day I would be part of that cycle and my cycle in this life would be complete and I move through the grass, the tall grass move with the wind, revealing a very presence, as if I could not feel it upon my skin, I’m just reminded how lucky I am to be here and how I am content, I have it all and I am part of this and this is part of me. And one of these days when I lay down for my last time, I will come back to this. So this is not for me. I don’t need anything. I am absolutely content. This revival is for you, my beloved sanyassins. it is for you, the ones who were born too late to sit at the masters feet. In that, you join me. I was born early enough to be around when the masters energy was alive, but not so early enough to have been any kind of adult to really partake in such a thing. I was barely 4 years old when the master was in Oregon. I can’t imagine that he would want a four year-old sitting at his feet, and I imagine as a four-year-old I probably would not have appreciated such a thing anyway. But now i would. And you’ll have to forgive me because this voice to text on the phone is not always perfect. I have attached a picture of what I am beholding as I speak on this topic today.. I want you to see the picture, I want you to understand my position. I don’t need a single thing. But I look around the world and I see the pain, I see the misery, I see the suffering and the lies, and I understand how it was when I was young and growing up. I understand the lies That they told me. I join the military when I was a young man because I believed the lies. I believed that this was the greatest country ever, and I believed in the so-called goodness that they said that this country stood for. Obviously I don’t believe that anymore. But there are countless scores of young men and young women who are growing up in this country who are thinking exactly the thing I thought. They are signing up for the military, they are volunteering to sacrifice their very lives for this nation. And if the nation was a good nation, if it was a good place, I would say that would be a noble thing. But it’s not. For so many reasons it’s not. But I did my time, I’ve succeeded in my own way and I am happy and I’m pleased with what I have now. I know beauty, I know it in my soul but I fear many of you don’t. I fear many of you know only what they tell you. I grew up in a time before the Internet, but I was also young enough to adopt the Internet quickly when it came out. But my identity was formed before the Internet. I remember the Internet as the wild West. Before it was controlled by Google and other mega corporations. Remember the Internet before it became the thought control mechanism that it is now. You used to be able to look on the Internet and find exactly what you wanted to find. Now you find only what Google has decided that you will see. You find what Google wants you to know, you find what Google wants you to read, And when I say Google I of course mean the people who own Google. The elites, the state, so anymore I question whether or not the youth of today and tomorrow will even know what truth is or will they simply know the truth they are told. I myself know the truth, I’ve seen it, I’ve lived it, and I know who the liar is. But anymore, there’s confusion on that front. The young are confused. They don’t know who to listen to. Truth has been claimed by every side out there. And I wish I could say there were only two sides, that would be easy. There are numerous sides. Countless sides. There is an armada of sides, each of them claiming truth, and in a way I suppose I am no different. Of course I believe I am different, but to an individual who otherwise doesn’t know, how would they see that I am different? Why would they not think that I am just like everyone else? That’s a good question, I wish I knew the answer. But again this is not for me. I’ve made it. I’m good. This is for you. This is for my children. This is for their children. This is for the young men and women Who otherwise don’t know. This is for those who were born to late to learn from the master himself. And because it’s based on truth, there is an element of fear that I have, perhaps why we have been so delayed in doing anything on this front. When people speak from a place of absolute truth Those people have a way of running into problems. Whether it’s legal problems, or some kind of other nonsense, the state does not mind another grifter. The state is a grifter and does not begrudge another. But the one thing that grifters, conmen, and charlatans alike cannot stand, is someone who tells the absolute truth. To them, we are the most dangerous thing there is. And not because I’m necessarily trying to be dangerous to them, but because once someone sees the real truth, they can never be fooled again. We are the ultimate antidote and it is far easier to frame us or set us up or put false charges on us And get us out the way it is to leave us alone slowly lose ground to us. I’ve seen it with numerous people and numerous groups before. If you stand against the charlatans, if you stand against the elites, then they will come for you. And they will murder you. They might claim that it’s some kind of legal thing or they might claim that it’s some kind of accusation, but they can just make things up, and whatever they say, their sheep will simply accept. Their sheep are not about to ask questions, because if they ask questions then that would fundamentally make them not a sheep. So as the weather turns my mind once again considers what we set out to do from the very beginning. Create a new place for this old idea. Idea that sadly enough was supposed to have been done by the very people who took over the masters movement after his passing. His very suspicious passing. They were supposed to use his money and continue his vision but instead they took his money and they ran. And that was in the 90s. So here we are 30 years later and now it falls upon us to do something. And if we don’t do something, it doesn’t happen. And that precisely has me wondering about the nature of things. Where do ideas come from. If I do not do the thing, then who will do the thing? If I do not create such a movement, who will? Where did the idea in my mind come from to start this? Did it just randomly pop into my head for no good reason? Where did this inspiration, where did this come from? I think it’s an interesting question, because when I talk to other people, and I talk to other followers of the master who are on different forums and such, None of them have told me that they are interested or have ever even considered starting up such a thing. So I guess my question is why am I? Did this inclination, this idea, this inspiration come from? Why did I think about doing this? And why have I not been able to get rid of the idea? Why have I not been able to be rid myself of this idea that I have had for more than a decade? In 2012 I had a small group and we were doing things that I suppose would be best described as school of mystery type things. For example, we were looking at and using tarot cards. We were meditating, we had been reading and discussing some of Bhagwan’s books. We looked at and studied Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Zen, even Zoroastrianism as well as some of the more ancient Babylonian religions discussed in the dead sea scrolls. We had all manner of esoteric conversation and it was very enjoyable. But it was clear to me that many of them were just about talking and we’re not very interested in something more serious. the group slowly turned more and more into reading Bhagwan’s books and discussing his concepts and we did lose some people from the group because they did not like that. But that was my intention for the group group the whole time, and so it was an unfortunate but understandable change. A lot of the people that we lost were simply people I call seekers. they are there to talk about interesting things and have friends to talk about interesting things with, but otherwise they were not interested in any kind of serious discourse, they were not serious about any kind of personal growth or personal mastery, they did not like to meditate, they were mostly there because, in my opinion, they felt that they could potentially have relations with girls who were also interested in the same thing. So when they left we were not totally upset to see them go. And then the small core group of us studied more and more about Bhagwan and then came time for me to move. And although I have had attempted to set the group up since then, I never had success and I was too busy moving around. When the time finally came for me to purchase my own place and stop moving, I did so with a keen eye on looking at a future property for the start of the commune. I ended up settling on this 20 acres that we are on currently. Unfortunately getting 20 acres in a location is often not the same location that you’re going to find the same people who are interested in mystery school type studies, let alone Bhagwan. The people here are generally friendly, mostly stick to themselves, but are your typical mix of city/rural person. They’re not too interested in anything outside of the norm. So any kind of attempt to start anything here would almost certainly be a waste of time and could turn violent because the people here are probably not too dissimilar from the people in antelope although given that it is nearly 40 years later, certainly attitudes have lightened up a little bit. There is also enough of a mixture of city people living here that it tends to be a little more live and let live type of a place which I think is nice. but all that to simply say that this place is not the kind of place that you can go and just create some kind of an esoteric mystery school type group and expect to have a lot of success. Which is fine because we have the Internet now,… But still I wonder why has this idea stuck in my head this whole time? when I talk to people they themselves are not necessarily interested in doing something like this themselves. They have not looked to create some kind of commune or even community or even some kind of just social get together type group. The idea has never crossed their mind. And yet I can’t get it out of mind. so I just wonder where ideas come from, is it just an idea that we ourselves had, is it some kind of inspiration, and if it’s some kind of inspiration where does it come from? Back in 2012 when we were doing that initial mystery school, certainly I would not say that I was any kind of enlightened. I was still learning myself. As Bhagwan said, being enlightened does not mean that we walk on water or that we know that our room is bugged, it simply means that we know ourselves beyond all things. that we have no ego that is holding us back, we have no expectations that manipulate us or mold us to a certain way. We are completely free first and foremost, and then within that freedom, we know ourselves. And knowing ourselves in such a way, it opens up the energy in our bodies, flowing for through the chakras resulting in absolute clarity. And this clarity is the thing that all enlighten Masters have talked about. And let me be clear, I am not some Eastern Mystic guru expert. I do not know every single word for every single phenomenon that the Hindus and the Buddhist use. and the reason I have never made the attempt at doing so for you. Because I don’t want you to feel that you have no place in this human evolution because you do not know the words that it is often referred to. This is not a Hindu thing. This is not a Buddhist thing. This is not an Indian thing. This is a human thing. and before I said chakras and I use the word because I think that most people understand what I’m talking about. But if I said another word, and there are many to choose from, you would probably not know what I was talking about, and maybe some of you would, but the absolutely new person would not know what I was talking about. And this is a human thing. This is not an Indian thing. This is not a Hindu thing. So I don’t like to use those words and as I myself was going through this process and I myself was learning the thing under the masters teaching, I did my best to understand these things from a human perspective, not an eastern mysticism perspective. I did my best to learn about the very core fundamentals of the thing, rather than simply call it by the name that the Indians call it by, or the Hindu use or the Buddhist use. and I realize that doing that, Hindu and Buddhist might see what I am doing or what I’m saying as somehow shallow, or perhaps fake. Because if I am not calling it by the name that they understand it by, they get very defensive because they feel that this is their thing. And so I should be using their words for the thing. But this is not just an Eastern thing. This is a thing. And so I don’t want to use their words because I fear that it will scare some of you away. So when I talk about these concepts and these ideas, I do my best to put them in the most common of terms, I do my best to put them in the most layman language possible because that is precisely who I am doing this for. You, the layman. the common person. I don’t want to use specific words or phrases that will confuse you. Instead of calling in a chakra, I would rather call it an energy Nexus. It’s the same thing. It’s the same concept. But calling it a chakra is specific to one culture, calling an energy Nexus in the body, expands the concept and makes it more accessible to all humans. Ultimately we will see what happens. Many summers have come and go with me feeling the urge to begin. Many summers have come and go with me creating countless hours of discourses that perhaps no one will ever hear. Being enlightened does not mean being fearless. Being enlightened does not mean that you act rationally. Being enlightened does not mean that you go looking for trouble. It means that you have a tame a level, it means that you have attained a certain kind of self-mastery it means that when you die, you will have the choice whether or not you will come back to this life as a master and a helper, or whether you will be done and you will rejoin once and for all with the creator. i’m not certain if I can be so honest. I am a very old soul and I’m tired. That’s why part of me struggles perhaps at starting this even though I’ve done so much already. In a way I have started it, but in another way, I have not yet done the most important step of all. i’m tired. I value my peace and my quiet. And I fear that if I do what is in me to do, then I will give up my peace and my quiet. I love you all, I love you so much that it angers me to see how the world treats you. It does not surprise me however, because I understand how the world is and I understand who runs the world. but it still angers me I want so much for you all to be able to live the lives that you were meant to live. I want so much for you to be able to embrace your absolute individuality and reach that mastery level and eventually have that breakthrough of pure consciousness and that pure connection of collective subconsciousness… Bhagwan speaks a bit on it and I credit that collective subconscious connection for helping me to break through a spiritual block that I was having for a while. Having gotten over that, I believe that is what allowed me to later on get to where I needed to get to so that I had a total ego death and so doing achieved and enlightenment. so I understand the criticality of the commune. It is a shared space, with shared intention, which can be fostered up overtime, which eventually leads to the kind of collective subconscious connections that you need to really propel your spiritual advancement far beyond anything that you could do by yourself. in Buddhism they call it a buddhafield. But the concept is not completely understood correctly by them. They say that a Buddha field is a field of energy that is coming off of the Buddha. That is absolutely false. Well, sort of. Of course the Buddha is putting off their own energy, but everyone puts off their energy. The Buddha serves as the magnet. Many people of like mines and like paths and like energies are attracted to the Buddha. And then when they are there with the Buddha, all of their energies sync up and this is what becomes the buddha field. This is what allows the rapid spiritual transformation. It has everything to do with the collective unconscious. And sometimes you will hear me say subconscious sometimes you will hear me say unconscious, it’s the same thing. It’s the absolute same thing. There’s no difference at all. we are not very dogmatic when it comes to the terms that we use we just want you to understand the fundamental concepts that we’re talking about. And I do this by using different language for the same thing. And if there’s confusion I will clarify. But this is why the Comun is so key critical, because I understood what it did for me and I understand why it’s so important. Bhagwan said that in the new society, of course the new society living on the commune, in a Buddha field, that the young children would become enlightened beings like Jesus and like Krishna and like Buddha in their early teenage years. I find it interesting that no one has ever question such a comment. No one has ever been intellectually curious to ask why. Why would that be the case. And the answer is probably not surprising given what I’ve just said to you. Because if you have hundreds of people all walking along a similar spiritual path, all putting out similar spiritual energy, all aligning their energy and their intention the same direction, at the same time, this energy is amplified and it is absolutely magnified, and if you are in this energy field, and you are also focusing in the same direction on the same path, then you will have monumental speed, you will have unprecedented progress. It has been said before It has been said before that we all walk a different path. Well, that’s sort of true but it’s also not true at all. we are all human being, and there is only one path. The path from being asleep to being awake. From consciousness to enlightenment. The difference is that we walk the path differently. Some of us walk it very quickly some of us walk it slower, some of us walk it more methodically, some of us walk it intuitively. Some of us walk it alone some of us walk it together And you have also heard the saying that if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far, go together. And this is absolutely true also in the spiritual path. And that is precisely what the communist for. If you want to go far on your spiritual path and you want to achieve enlightenment in this lifetime, then you absolutely have to live and spend a large portion of your time in a Buddharfield. Or perhaps we should say Bhagwan field. But you understand my point. But again anywhere that light and goodness pop up, darkness will seek to crush it. And seeing what they did to Bhagwan and his commune in Oregon, understanding the power dynamics that were going on there, understanding how they completely sabotage Sheila and turned Bhagwan against her When she was his number one advocate, his number one supporter, the most loyal person, and that is exactly why they had to get her out of the way. She had to get out of the way because once she was out of the way then Bhagwan was easy for the vultures. And so I absolutely see this and I absolutely understand it. And it worries me because I know that if we try to start something, those same powers will come at us, and even though I am aware and even though I will make my people aware, being aware does not necessarily mean that you are safe. Because it has been 40 years and the enemy has had 40 years to improve the tactics. And again if they can’t take you out fairly, then they will take you out unfairly. The law is nothing to them. They will kill you and not even think twice. And every morning I wake up my mind is on my master. Every morning I wake up I think about Bhagwan, I think about the mission I think about the commune I think if today will be the day that I start to do something. And I suppose I have to wonder why I am putting this in such a post here when I am the only person on this group. Loyal Savita is of course supporting me and behind me and she loves Bhagwan. But when it comes to management, Savita is out of her league. When it comes to setting an organization up, Savita is out of her league. Savita would make an excellent group leader or service leader, She would make an excellent advisor, but when it comes to the logistics of setting up such a movement, sweet Savita simply would really have no idea where to begin. So if I really wanted to do something like setting up the website and setting up the social media and starting the podcast, if I didn’t want it to be some kind of very amateur production, which ideally I would not like it to be amateurish, then I would need to find some other help. Or I will have to simply settle on something being amateurish to begin with and if we saw some success, perhaps some additional people to the movement would have the skills needed to help us step everything up. But to me, that is kind of secondary to the reality that if we did such a thing, would that we would have a target on our backs. and right now our lives here are very simple and peaceful and quiet and not very dramatic at all. And yet there is still this urging in me to do it. And I don’t quite know where that comes from. |
2024.05.20 22:50 WaltzforVon As a Chinese feel really confused to my British ex's act
Hey, guys. I've joined this sub for a while. And keep reading different posts to try to figure out something might be cultural difference for me. I'm a Chinese live in the UK. Me(25,F) and my ex(20,M) met on dating app, and be friends about one month and a half then got together, after 13 days, he broke up with me.
The reason is his lack of consideration about our relationship. That day I told him I wanna find my job in Bristol or London and how do you think about that? He said he didn't imagine that I will leave this city after graduate. (Yes, all his plan and commitment are based on I will stay in the same city with him) and based on his past experience, he can't work out in the long distance relationship. And he said he doesn't like big city( but he even haven't been to a big city). He said he also know if i can't get Visa and need to back to China, we also fucked up.
He made this decision after 2 hours I asked that question, and he told me, it's a hard decision for him, he loves me but just don't wanna get hurt, break up now is best for him.
I was totally collapsed after that, although i feel I'm suitable for stay in the UK, it still not my safe zone, I fell into the depression suddenly at the 4th week after breakup, and still struggling with that (But don't worry, i'm better now)
He did a lot of confusing things after our breakup. Really capricious.
After we breakup, I change my bio to a quote I love from Disco Elysium, "Real darkness has love for a face". This is a famous quote and everyone has different explainations about that, but i found my own understanding now. And seems like this bio make him mad(?), he keep changing his bio just like is any kind of competition, for example "cut from the same cloth as god, yes i am, true darkness allegedly" Confusing, really confusing. Idk how do you guy think of that, English is not my first language, but in my mind, he looks like a teenager who thought he is a character in animation?
He said he still wanna be my friends and don't wanna lose me, but that's not my rules after breakup, I can't be friends with someone hurt me so deep and hurt me in this way. So when I unfollow and remove him on every social media and block him on wechat, he seems like upset about that and sent me message said: "you even block me on wechat. If you want super super short term, reply me"
I think he is talking about ONS, that's hurt if this is his meaning, i feel confused and painful about that, so after one day, I asked him for no more misunderstanding, I hope he can explain what does he mean. Then when I wake up, I find he block me on Insta.
Then after two weeks of our breakup, he got into a rebound relationship with the girl he used to date with when we were just friends, and the girl live in different city.
Then during my depression period, his gf watch my insta story, and after a few days he liked my post on chinese social media and block me on there.
One of my chinese friend know him, and has his social media. He told me my ex is looking for foreign friends in chinses social media. He used to learn Chinese for me, but seems like it's just his hobby now?
The day before yesterday, I stalked his ins and found his gf might know is a rebound relationship. I found he is put my habit into the girl, the Scissorhands when taking photos, that's a Asian habit I think, and also the memory of me and him when taking photos. And he describe the girl is "pretty woman", he always called me "pretty girl" , and the funny thing is in the comment, the girl posts "I love you" and he reply "Thanks" then after one week he replys "been informed i have to say I love you"
Humourous, humourous, humourous
Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous
Everythings is so confused and ridiculous… sometimes I still don't know if this is any cultural difference between us, like being friends with ex etc. As a foreigner, I feel really really confused. I think i have my right to act with my mind and thought. But I totally don't know if i can use my chinese mind to judge what he did, seems like it might cause unfair thing, I know the best way is put them all behind, but unfortunetely, seems like i still can't do that, and still trying to figure out something, that might be helpful.
Actually when I write to here, i find i don't know what's the meaning of my post. Hope you guys don't mind a heartbroken Chinese girl is talking nonsense.
And sorry if my poor English might cause some confusion
Anyway, thank you for your reading, I like this community, although my body is wandering in a country which is not my hometown, but my soul feel warm and feel not alone in this community.
submitted by WaltzforVon to BreakUps [link] [comments]
The reason is his lack of consideration about our relationship. That day I told him I wanna find my job in Bristol or London and how do you think about that? He said he didn't imagine that I will leave this city after graduate. (Yes, all his plan and commitment are based on I will stay in the same city with him) and based on his past experience, he can't work out in the long distance relationship. And he said he doesn't like big city( but he even haven't been to a big city). He said he also know if i can't get Visa and need to back to China, we also fucked up.
He made this decision after 2 hours I asked that question, and he told me, it's a hard decision for him, he loves me but just don't wanna get hurt, break up now is best for him.
I was totally collapsed after that, although i feel I'm suitable for stay in the UK, it still not my safe zone, I fell into the depression suddenly at the 4th week after breakup, and still struggling with that (But don't worry, i'm better now)
He did a lot of confusing things after our breakup. Really capricious.
After we breakup, I change my bio to a quote I love from Disco Elysium, "Real darkness has love for a face". This is a famous quote and everyone has different explainations about that, but i found my own understanding now. And seems like this bio make him mad(?), he keep changing his bio just like is any kind of competition, for example "cut from the same cloth as god, yes i am, true darkness allegedly" Confusing, really confusing. Idk how do you guy think of that, English is not my first language, but in my mind, he looks like a teenager who thought he is a character in animation?
He said he still wanna be my friends and don't wanna lose me, but that's not my rules after breakup, I can't be friends with someone hurt me so deep and hurt me in this way. So when I unfollow and remove him on every social media and block him on wechat, he seems like upset about that and sent me message said: "you even block me on wechat. If you want super super short term, reply me"
I think he is talking about ONS, that's hurt if this is his meaning, i feel confused and painful about that, so after one day, I asked him for no more misunderstanding, I hope he can explain what does he mean. Then when I wake up, I find he block me on Insta.
Then after two weeks of our breakup, he got into a rebound relationship with the girl he used to date with when we were just friends, and the girl live in different city.
Then during my depression period, his gf watch my insta story, and after a few days he liked my post on chinese social media and block me on there.
One of my chinese friend know him, and has his social media. He told me my ex is looking for foreign friends in chinses social media. He used to learn Chinese for me, but seems like it's just his hobby now?
The day before yesterday, I stalked his ins and found his gf might know is a rebound relationship. I found he is put my habit into the girl, the Scissorhands when taking photos, that's a Asian habit I think, and also the memory of me and him when taking photos. And he describe the girl is "pretty woman", he always called me "pretty girl" , and the funny thing is in the comment, the girl posts "I love you" and he reply "Thanks" then after one week he replys "been informed i have to say I love you"
Humourous, humourous, humourous
Ridiculous, ridiculous, ridiculous
Everythings is so confused and ridiculous… sometimes I still don't know if this is any cultural difference between us, like being friends with ex etc. As a foreigner, I feel really really confused. I think i have my right to act with my mind and thought. But I totally don't know if i can use my chinese mind to judge what he did, seems like it might cause unfair thing, I know the best way is put them all behind, but unfortunetely, seems like i still can't do that, and still trying to figure out something, that might be helpful.
Actually when I write to here, i find i don't know what's the meaning of my post. Hope you guys don't mind a heartbroken Chinese girl is talking nonsense.
And sorry if my poor English might cause some confusion
Anyway, thank you for your reading, I like this community, although my body is wandering in a country which is not my hometown, but my soul feel warm and feel not alone in this community.
2024.05.20 22:44 quviety Tips on how to get my dad to tell me he loves me?
Hey dads! I'm not a dad but a lot of people on this subreddit are, so I was just wondering how do you guys bond with your children? How do you spend time with your kids? I have a dad (wow shocking ik) and he's always been distant. My mom basically raised me and my older sister on her own for the first many years, since he had so much work. He's in the military and retired from active duty when I was six, but I don't really have any real memories of him from before I was ten. I used to do everything I could to get him to be proud of me or tell me he loves me. I got straight A's and took up interest in subjects and things I knew he liked, such as metal music and cars, watched the kind of movies he loves. I've really tried to spend time with him but I don't feel like he sees me. He loves me, of course he does, but he only loves me because I'm his kid and he has to. He doesn't do "I love you"s. He had a pretty rough childhood that still impacts him. He's not a violent man, he just comes from a violent home. He's emotionally unavailable and unreliable. I know his work is incredibly important, I understand why he needs to prioritise it. I honeslty feel stupid for whining about him not paying enough attention to me when there are actual real problems going on in the world. I don't know what to. I'm still a teenager and I haven't told my mom because I don't want to worry her about something silly like this. Do you guys as dads love your kids unconditionally or just because they're your kids and you have to? How often do you tell your kids you love them? Sorry, I know this is kind of a different topic than the other posts in this subreddit. Any tips on bonding activities I can suggest to him when he has time would be very much appreciated :))
submitted by quviety to Dads [link] [comments]
2024.05.20 22:20 RavenRonien Genuine, effort post critique of the series's more problematic elements.
So I was a fan of the LN's from back when the first season released. The things I identified with then, and the things I love about it now are still largely what I love about it. And I was for a long time willing to turn a blind eye to ALOT of what I felt were unnessicary parts of the story, as, this series is the work of an author, not something made FOR me. However as time has gone on, the series has leaned more into it's less savory elements, and it does genuinely hamper my enjoyment of the series now, to the point that I'm hesitant about the series moving forward (I stopped right before reading the succession arc). I'm just curious about more broader perspectives on the series, as someone who's going to attempt to lay out more than just "ew incest gross" arguments. I'd be happy if people are willing to engage in a more genuine discussion, but if not, hope you can at least enjoy the read.
I'll try and start positive, because I want to put it out there, I was largely positive on the series as a whole, and have recommended it to multiple friends with some pretty major caveats. And I have rolled out good faith defenses of each problematic elements of the show with in universe examples and reasoning. So the things that I genuinely love about the series. At the time, as someone who dropped out of collage, while always thinking myself the smartest guy in the room, it was easy to identify with a story that highlighted a character who's society's measure of a man wasn't accurately taken. I've since grown a lot since then, but I still do love this aspect of the story. Hatori's line saying "so this is what happens when a test doesn't accurately measure someone's strength" is a line that sticks with me to this day. I also love how deep the political intrigue is thought out, not to be overly exaggerated in my analysis, but there are times where the levels of geopolitical implications of certain actions are thought about on a level that you would expect from traditional spy fiction/thrillers. The fact that the implications of magical weapons and the socioeconomic implications of things like a fusion generator are taken into account with such detail is amazing to me. It isn't given a one side interpretation but rather a very realistic look at how the powers in play would fight over the use, implementation, and restrictions that might have to be placed on such technology.
Also the magic system, i feel like I don't have to preach to anyone about how cool it is, but it's cool, straight up, it's just cool, as a tech guy, to see the fusion of technology and magic in this setting is awesome.
Lastly the imperfect nature of the main character was always interesting to me. While the anime only ever hints at Tastuya's insecurities with subtext, LN fans will know his though process is PLAGUED with indecision and caution that remove him soley from the OP MC archetype that never thinks about or suffers the consequences of his actions. Yes in practice he is an OP MC, but just like how society inaccurately measures his strength because they don't value the thing's he's good at, the really fantastic character work putting in the juxtaposition of his OWN values, not aligning with his own strength is really smart character writing. Tatsuya himself doesn't care about regrowth, or his crazy abilities and capacity for magic despite his apparent disabilities in the magic department. While many people see him and recognize how powerful he is, none of that is what HE values. He values more than anything are the technical skills required to change the world through magical engineering, and while he makes GREAT strides throughout the series, ultimately he isn't at the point (where I am in the series) to effect the real kind of change he would like to see, outside role as the Yotsuba's secret weapon. The kind of ambition he might have fostered normally as just a young man, is still evident with his passions outside of the crazy family situation he was forced under.
Which is something else I love about the series, but with a bit of a mixed bag of feelings. The world building is genuinely really cool from a near future sci-fantasy setting. The staging of the energy crisis that led to the 3rd world war, the emergence of Mages, and the united pact against nuclear arms, only to be replaced by the very checks that locked the nations from nuclear armageddon. The cleaver setup and world play between the 10 master clan's naming conventions and even to a lesser extent the 100 supporting families, gives such a rich texture and great opportunities to have ENDLESS but distinct characters coming from every facet of society. Characters like the Chiba get to be all one note swordsman, then build upon individual character traits to differentiate them. Even the side stories with Morisaki Shun give texture to what otherwise should have been just a one off character that was done with after the first arc (honestly I wish we saw more of him as the series went on, and the ramification of him protecting the heiress of the no head dragons, the series clearly doesn't mind chinese influence being a driving antagonistic force, it would have been interesting to see them explore more morally complex but not completely antagonizing forces).
And that lead some to some of the negatives. In the same vein that the world building is very well thought out, I cannot view this piece as a piece of fiction divorced from the real world. Can you explain the incest, the way he writes female fashion and women with in universe explanations? Yes absolutely and I have gone to bat for it in the past. Preserving genetic bloodlines to increase the magical powers of a generation of magicians, when such a small subsection of the population have any degree of magic talent to begin with, would be paramount in the national defense of a country. Having siblings marry each other is both not even the craziest thing I can imagine NOR is the least crazy thing the SERIES has done to justify this. The fashion sense was born the energy crisis that predated world war 3, caused clothing to become heavier out of necessity and it became fuax pas to show as much skin, both as a means of survival and as a way to signal you had enough resources to keep yourself clothed. While the climate has recovered people's sense of fashion hasn't caught up yet, which is a great IN universe explanation for the more conservative forms of dress that seem socially permissible in the series. And the way they treat women as ladies constantly saying "is would be improper for a lady to be out at night by herself" can be (and this one is LESS SUPPORTED by the text but I think could be explained and inferred) to be part of the need to preserve reproducing members of society after a great famine that predated WW3 and further more of the "nobility" class of magicians which this behavior clearly emulates.
The problem with all of these is, the text also clearly wants to have it both ways and it just betrays a clear taste the author has that I find distasteful in the REAL world. Sure you tell women to cover up, but then you take every opportunity to put them in summer dresses, or skimpy costumes for performances, and dress up scenes. While all of this makes sense IN universe, I can't help but feel this is just a pandering to real world markets that like these niches, or further points to the authors own thoughts on the matter, with a regressive social structure that see's women lacking less moral and societal agency, having to "cover up" as it were, and the whole incest thing. It would be one thing if the series SAID anything about this. An interesting exploration on how both the Yotsuba and society as a whole put such immense pressure on all of these teenagers regardless of how competent they are, and them breaking that cycle of generational expectation would be perfectly in line with the broader social change Tastsuya is trying to work towards with his engineering endeavors. Learning to actually heal from, learn from, and distance himself from the ultimately toxic relationship he's being forced into with his sister would earn MASSIVE points in my book for actually tackling an uncomfortable topic with some nuance.
I'm going to sidebar for a moment because I know a lot of people love Miyuki and Tastuya in both the fanbase as a whole but this sub in particular. I'm going to approach this, in good faith and say all of you are fans of the characters and I'm not going to, nor do I think a majority of fans are problematic in their liking of this relationship. While I personally feel like the devotion Miyuki shows is pandering, as I said in universe it can all be explained and people can enjoy fiction for any number of reasons, I don't think anyone is gross or whatever for enjoying a pairing when the text of the show so adamantly presents it in the most positive light possible. BUT WITH ALL THAT SAID, i would be doing the rest of the series, which is so well thought out, to not lend a critical eye to the absolute blindspot the series has for this relationship. Miyuki's devotion to Tatsuya is born of her realization after being saved by him in Okinawa, that her life belongs to him because he saved it, and she will be at his side against all the injustices that he has and will continue to face. But that kind of single hearted devotion, is by definition, toxic to her growth as a person. No one can LIVE for another person and be a fully fleshed individual, it just isn't healthy and it cheapens what could be such a more powerful character that by her own rights has every right to grow with ambitions that still can ABOSLUTELY grow in parallels with, and in support of her brother. But the story doesn't really explore that, every choice she ever makes is with the approval of her brother or his ultimate success in mind. You cannot seriously get me to buy that their engagement and eventual marriage is a healthy one under these conditions. I am a modern man, I like my wife to be as strong willed as I am so we can make joint decisions about our life that we can both agree on, so hell call me biased but I don't actually think there's anything wrong with traditional relationships, but that's the thing, EVEN in traditional relationships, women aren't the objects that they're commonly straw manned into. While not all traditional relationships were like this, the foundation of them is supposed to be founded upon the idea that while men could be out in the world, providing for the family, the women would be at home nursing children, and making sure the HOME was taken care of. In practice this meant a lot of women were actually empowered to make many of the purchasing decisions for the house, under ideal circumstances (again in actuality I acknowledges the more problematic aspects of these relationships in history and that isn't the point of this post).
I bring all of this up to say that Miyuki isn't given the agency to grow enough as her own person outside being sometimes selfish over her brothers attention of her. If I had to write an essay on Tatsuya's driving purpose in life, I could write at length on interesting aspects of his character and his own inaccuracies when judging his own value, when he's so uniquely capable of judging others. But there is no similar depth given to Miyuki and that's just sad because the GLIMCES we get of her character are ACTUALLY great. Her interactions with Lina, were highlights brining to her a character that is as close to being her peer as we had up until that point in the series, but still having her show compassion to her situation because of how much it mirrored Tatsuyas despite being "competition" and someone who ostensibly was opposed to her brother. Her interactions could have been so much better with Ichigo Masaki ( a criminally underused character as a whole) but they never amount to anything other then him getting lil'broed the entire series. And Kuduo Minoru is just underutilized in his debut appearance during the upcoming Ancient city insurrection arc that's about to be animated. Tatsuya is able to be measured up against these characters to further his growth and further exemplify what sets him apart as an interesting character and Miyuki doesn't get the same opportunity.
There is so much more I can say, but this is crazy long and I suspect few people will read it all anyways. Some of this might be ranty but I have been stewing on these thoughts for ages, and with no one in my circle who has stuck out the series as far as I have, my only recourse is the broader fanbase to discuss my thoughts on the matter.
TL;DR- Tatsuya, the world, and the magic systems, the consequences, and the complex web of motives within the narrative are all huge pluses for the series, that ultimately get dragged down by the inordinate amount of time spent on what I feel is either pandering to certain audiences, or betray the authors less than savory tastes, that more than just being morally outrageous (because I don't really care about that) serves to under cut the otherwise great writing of the series, and I think that's the real crime. The incest doesn't bother me because a fictional sister and brother get together, it bothers me because it robs me of the potential character growth both of them could have had, fighting back against another backwards system in this world born of political and social necessities that would have rhymed with all the other themes of the series.
EDIT: yes I know I can just drop the series, if it isn't for me, and I might I really don't know, I'm just frustrated at what could be something that has so much potential, be inordinately focused on the least interesting aspects of it.
submitted by RavenRonien to Mahouka [link] [comments]
I'll try and start positive, because I want to put it out there, I was largely positive on the series as a whole, and have recommended it to multiple friends with some pretty major caveats. And I have rolled out good faith defenses of each problematic elements of the show with in universe examples and reasoning. So the things that I genuinely love about the series. At the time, as someone who dropped out of collage, while always thinking myself the smartest guy in the room, it was easy to identify with a story that highlighted a character who's society's measure of a man wasn't accurately taken. I've since grown a lot since then, but I still do love this aspect of the story. Hatori's line saying "so this is what happens when a test doesn't accurately measure someone's strength" is a line that sticks with me to this day. I also love how deep the political intrigue is thought out, not to be overly exaggerated in my analysis, but there are times where the levels of geopolitical implications of certain actions are thought about on a level that you would expect from traditional spy fiction/thrillers. The fact that the implications of magical weapons and the socioeconomic implications of things like a fusion generator are taken into account with such detail is amazing to me. It isn't given a one side interpretation but rather a very realistic look at how the powers in play would fight over the use, implementation, and restrictions that might have to be placed on such technology.
Also the magic system, i feel like I don't have to preach to anyone about how cool it is, but it's cool, straight up, it's just cool, as a tech guy, to see the fusion of technology and magic in this setting is awesome.
Lastly the imperfect nature of the main character was always interesting to me. While the anime only ever hints at Tastuya's insecurities with subtext, LN fans will know his though process is PLAGUED with indecision and caution that remove him soley from the OP MC archetype that never thinks about or suffers the consequences of his actions. Yes in practice he is an OP MC, but just like how society inaccurately measures his strength because they don't value the thing's he's good at, the really fantastic character work putting in the juxtaposition of his OWN values, not aligning with his own strength is really smart character writing. Tatsuya himself doesn't care about regrowth, or his crazy abilities and capacity for magic despite his apparent disabilities in the magic department. While many people see him and recognize how powerful he is, none of that is what HE values. He values more than anything are the technical skills required to change the world through magical engineering, and while he makes GREAT strides throughout the series, ultimately he isn't at the point (where I am in the series) to effect the real kind of change he would like to see, outside role as the Yotsuba's secret weapon. The kind of ambition he might have fostered normally as just a young man, is still evident with his passions outside of the crazy family situation he was forced under.
Which is something else I love about the series, but with a bit of a mixed bag of feelings. The world building is genuinely really cool from a near future sci-fantasy setting. The staging of the energy crisis that led to the 3rd world war, the emergence of Mages, and the united pact against nuclear arms, only to be replaced by the very checks that locked the nations from nuclear armageddon. The cleaver setup and world play between the 10 master clan's naming conventions and even to a lesser extent the 100 supporting families, gives such a rich texture and great opportunities to have ENDLESS but distinct characters coming from every facet of society. Characters like the Chiba get to be all one note swordsman, then build upon individual character traits to differentiate them. Even the side stories with Morisaki Shun give texture to what otherwise should have been just a one off character that was done with after the first arc (honestly I wish we saw more of him as the series went on, and the ramification of him protecting the heiress of the no head dragons, the series clearly doesn't mind chinese influence being a driving antagonistic force, it would have been interesting to see them explore more morally complex but not completely antagonizing forces).
And that lead some to some of the negatives. In the same vein that the world building is very well thought out, I cannot view this piece as a piece of fiction divorced from the real world. Can you explain the incest, the way he writes female fashion and women with in universe explanations? Yes absolutely and I have gone to bat for it in the past. Preserving genetic bloodlines to increase the magical powers of a generation of magicians, when such a small subsection of the population have any degree of magic talent to begin with, would be paramount in the national defense of a country. Having siblings marry each other is both not even the craziest thing I can imagine NOR is the least crazy thing the SERIES has done to justify this. The fashion sense was born the energy crisis that predated world war 3, caused clothing to become heavier out of necessity and it became fuax pas to show as much skin, both as a means of survival and as a way to signal you had enough resources to keep yourself clothed. While the climate has recovered people's sense of fashion hasn't caught up yet, which is a great IN universe explanation for the more conservative forms of dress that seem socially permissible in the series. And the way they treat women as ladies constantly saying "is would be improper for a lady to be out at night by herself" can be (and this one is LESS SUPPORTED by the text but I think could be explained and inferred) to be part of the need to preserve reproducing members of society after a great famine that predated WW3 and further more of the "nobility" class of magicians which this behavior clearly emulates.
The problem with all of these is, the text also clearly wants to have it both ways and it just betrays a clear taste the author has that I find distasteful in the REAL world. Sure you tell women to cover up, but then you take every opportunity to put them in summer dresses, or skimpy costumes for performances, and dress up scenes. While all of this makes sense IN universe, I can't help but feel this is just a pandering to real world markets that like these niches, or further points to the authors own thoughts on the matter, with a regressive social structure that see's women lacking less moral and societal agency, having to "cover up" as it were, and the whole incest thing. It would be one thing if the series SAID anything about this. An interesting exploration on how both the Yotsuba and society as a whole put such immense pressure on all of these teenagers regardless of how competent they are, and them breaking that cycle of generational expectation would be perfectly in line with the broader social change Tastsuya is trying to work towards with his engineering endeavors. Learning to actually heal from, learn from, and distance himself from the ultimately toxic relationship he's being forced into with his sister would earn MASSIVE points in my book for actually tackling an uncomfortable topic with some nuance.
I'm going to sidebar for a moment because I know a lot of people love Miyuki and Tastuya in both the fanbase as a whole but this sub in particular. I'm going to approach this, in good faith and say all of you are fans of the characters and I'm not going to, nor do I think a majority of fans are problematic in their liking of this relationship. While I personally feel like the devotion Miyuki shows is pandering, as I said in universe it can all be explained and people can enjoy fiction for any number of reasons, I don't think anyone is gross or whatever for enjoying a pairing when the text of the show so adamantly presents it in the most positive light possible. BUT WITH ALL THAT SAID, i would be doing the rest of the series, which is so well thought out, to not lend a critical eye to the absolute blindspot the series has for this relationship. Miyuki's devotion to Tatsuya is born of her realization after being saved by him in Okinawa, that her life belongs to him because he saved it, and she will be at his side against all the injustices that he has and will continue to face. But that kind of single hearted devotion, is by definition, toxic to her growth as a person. No one can LIVE for another person and be a fully fleshed individual, it just isn't healthy and it cheapens what could be such a more powerful character that by her own rights has every right to grow with ambitions that still can ABOSLUTELY grow in parallels with, and in support of her brother. But the story doesn't really explore that, every choice she ever makes is with the approval of her brother or his ultimate success in mind. You cannot seriously get me to buy that their engagement and eventual marriage is a healthy one under these conditions. I am a modern man, I like my wife to be as strong willed as I am so we can make joint decisions about our life that we can both agree on, so hell call me biased but I don't actually think there's anything wrong with traditional relationships, but that's the thing, EVEN in traditional relationships, women aren't the objects that they're commonly straw manned into. While not all traditional relationships were like this, the foundation of them is supposed to be founded upon the idea that while men could be out in the world, providing for the family, the women would be at home nursing children, and making sure the HOME was taken care of. In practice this meant a lot of women were actually empowered to make many of the purchasing decisions for the house, under ideal circumstances (again in actuality I acknowledges the more problematic aspects of these relationships in history and that isn't the point of this post).
I bring all of this up to say that Miyuki isn't given the agency to grow enough as her own person outside being sometimes selfish over her brothers attention of her. If I had to write an essay on Tatsuya's driving purpose in life, I could write at length on interesting aspects of his character and his own inaccuracies when judging his own value, when he's so uniquely capable of judging others. But there is no similar depth given to Miyuki and that's just sad because the GLIMCES we get of her character are ACTUALLY great. Her interactions with Lina, were highlights brining to her a character that is as close to being her peer as we had up until that point in the series, but still having her show compassion to her situation because of how much it mirrored Tatsuyas despite being "competition" and someone who ostensibly was opposed to her brother. Her interactions could have been so much better with Ichigo Masaki ( a criminally underused character as a whole) but they never amount to anything other then him getting lil'broed the entire series. And Kuduo Minoru is just underutilized in his debut appearance during the upcoming Ancient city insurrection arc that's about to be animated. Tatsuya is able to be measured up against these characters to further his growth and further exemplify what sets him apart as an interesting character and Miyuki doesn't get the same opportunity.
There is so much more I can say, but this is crazy long and I suspect few people will read it all anyways. Some of this might be ranty but I have been stewing on these thoughts for ages, and with no one in my circle who has stuck out the series as far as I have, my only recourse is the broader fanbase to discuss my thoughts on the matter.
TL;DR- Tatsuya, the world, and the magic systems, the consequences, and the complex web of motives within the narrative are all huge pluses for the series, that ultimately get dragged down by the inordinate amount of time spent on what I feel is either pandering to certain audiences, or betray the authors less than savory tastes, that more than just being morally outrageous (because I don't really care about that) serves to under cut the otherwise great writing of the series, and I think that's the real crime. The incest doesn't bother me because a fictional sister and brother get together, it bothers me because it robs me of the potential character growth both of them could have had, fighting back against another backwards system in this world born of political and social necessities that would have rhymed with all the other themes of the series.
EDIT: yes I know I can just drop the series, if it isn't for me, and I might I really don't know, I'm just frustrated at what could be something that has so much potential, be inordinately focused on the least interesting aspects of it.
2024.05.20 20:57 throwaway_859393 CSI or just me overthinking??
I really need genuine advice on this and don’t currently have access to a therapist and I won’t for awhile. (my doctor won’t let me get one as I kept missing appointments ironically due to my mental health however when I move town I plan to get one) I’ve been in a lot of experiences where people have pushed me to exaggerate my trauma and try and push the narrative that I have repressed sexual trauma when I have no clear memories or evidence of SA. I’ve had several people tell me that my grandmother’s behaviours are emotional incest, and it still bothers me so much trying to figure it out for years, I need some unbiased opinions. For context my mother was unfit to raise me and I was raised by my grandparents. My grandfather sexually abused my mom when she was 12, but he died when I was 6. I’ve considered that perhaps something similar happened to me to cause the symptoms I experience, but I don’t remember much of him but I don’t imagine he would’ve had the opportunity to do the same to me given that my grandma was around most of the time, I was considerably younger than my mom and he had late stage cancer for most of my life. As well as this my hymen was intact and I don’t know how he could have done something to a child <6 in other ways especially since I don’t remember anything at all. but my main concern here is my grandma’s behaviours She has always loved me extreme amounts, something which I do believe is familial with oure intentions. She feels the same about all of her grandkids, I just feel that this has led to too many open boundaries and putting too much pressure on a kid • she has little boundaries with privacy. raised me to keep my door open as she was scared I’d burn to death in a house fire (I have OCD and obliged bc that made me too paranoid to ever close it fully). most of my life before I was like 13 when we moved in w family, she would never close the bathroom door and same with me. until I moved out at 20, she would get mad at me for not wanting to dress or be naked in front of her as she’d seen it all before and it really upset her that I wasnt comfortable • when my grandfather died she asked me to sleep in her bed instead of him and this continued from ages 6-11 or 12 (I had to share a bed with her several times after this for months-a year due to living with other family). nothing especially weird occurred but I would cuddle/spoon her all night and felt guilty if I turned the opposite way. I think she would spoon me too if I turned round and she was facing me. it also exposed me to seeing a lot of gore, death and sexual imagery on the shows she’d watch. when I had to share a bed with her as a teenager it was very frustrating to me as I’d get hormonal urges and not be able to explore them since I had 0 space of my own but that’s not really her fault * when I was 14 she took me into a sex shop with her friend while she bought lingerie and later when I was around 18 she offered to give the lingerie to me as she didnt want it (said she never wore it but I’m sure at the least she had tried it on). now I think about it she still does give me her old bras if I talk about needing to buy one or wanting a comfortable one but I don’t know if thats considered weird?? I think she is just trying to save me money and be helpful but the lingerie gives me the ick a bit as she bought it to impress her BF * on several occasions as a teen she’d laugh about very explicit things with me like her boyfriend wearing lingerie and her buying him sexual gifts. I had a whip I used for a halloween anime costume and she laid it out on her own bed to prank my aunt into thinking she used it for sex * I was basically her therapist/best friend as a child. she would tell me in detail about how her mother severely abused her and implied about family members and ex boyfriends sexually assaulting her. she was always very big on humiliating punishments that she’d done to my aunt and mom and would threaten me with them whenever I misbehaved. one example I remember clearly is when I was somehwre between 7-10 she told me that her first husband had forced her to be naked and wash the floor on her hands and knees while him and all his friends watched and laughed. * she has always hated my partners and the idea of me dating someone. she would poke fun at the idea of me having crushes which made me uncomfortable even having them and I’d never talk about it. I was banned from having a boyfriend until I was 14, and then when I was 14 it changed to 16. when I got mt first boyfriend at 18 she hated him and would be extremely irrationally angry at any mention of him. when I was 19 she forced it out of me that I was considering a polyamorous relationship and she went how I can only describe as literally insane * when I moved out, it was a nice whole huge issue for years beforehand. she didnt want me to move and always insisted I didnt want to either. I got guilt tripped constantly for it. I also wasnt really allowed out with friends, wasnt allowed out past 7pm and she even threw me at a wall once for asking to go to a friends house at 8pm because she thought I was on my phone complaining to them that she said no (i was 20 years old) * she never spanked me as punishment but would spank me as a joke sometimes. I’m sure it happened as a child but I cant remember too well, I do remember it frequently happening when I was 18-20 like she’d just hit my butt on the way out of doors and laugh. I’m not sure if this is a normal thing parents too as a playful joke?
I honestly think there was more than this but my mind is blanking really hard now from thinking about it. I’ve written this so many times the past few years and posted here a few times but I always delete what I wrote and forget that I deleted it and what was written I just need some advice on is this normal behaviour? Just a bit manipulative and bad parenting? or is it covert incest?
submitted by throwaway_859393 to CovertIncest [link] [comments]
I honestly think there was more than this but my mind is blanking really hard now from thinking about it. I’ve written this so many times the past few years and posted here a few times but I always delete what I wrote and forget that I deleted it and what was written I just need some advice on is this normal behaviour? Just a bit manipulative and bad parenting? or is it covert incest?
2024.05.20 20:39 horsebitch42069 SPOILERS IN THIS - this is one of the most hilarious fantasy series
I genuinely do love this series & characters but sometimes I just absolutely GIGGLE at some of the writing. I know it's known the authors need an editor but some of this shit is tooooo much for me. Just a few tidbits that have gone through my head while reading - I'm about to finish book 8.
submitted by horsebitch42069 to zodiacacademy [link] [comments]
- The pegasus constantly huffing/stomping/whinnying in fae form is hilarious. I just picture of bunch of teenagers playing hobby horse. Love it.
- The darcy / orion teacher fantasy needed to end after they left school. It just turns into a weird porno sometimes.
- Why does everyone get horny during danger?!?!?!!? I know thats part of being 'fae' but let's allll keep our dicks in our pants and beat the fucking shadows and lionel FFS.
- Lionel's chapters are truly fucking insane and I laugh the entire way through them. Specifically the poop throwing one where Vard gets hit in the face with faeces aka feces.
- We all know Darius isn't staying dead so can everyone stop saying ~nobody comes back from beyond the veil~ he's one of the main character's mates, he's coming back. Let's all chill the F out.
- Leon is seriously my favorite character and I love how stupid him and seth are together.
- I can't help but burst out laughing when Washer is in scenes. Why is he SO sexually driven it's fucking INSANE hahahahhaahha. I need a chapter of him teaching sex ed.
- Can someone PLEASE for the love of god punch all of the celestial council members in the fucking face - it's time to give it up. The vega's will be queen get over it.
- The faebook posts/updates are so insane but also really does add a geeky little insight a reader like me enjoys. I love little real life moments.
- Geraldine is absolutely iconic. Can't get enough of her and how she's constantly topless, and has the most insane one liners. Love it.
2024.05.20 19:58 Beautiful-dreamer_ Is there any hope or am I just kidding myself?
I (34f) have been with my partner (37m) for almost a year, we’re long distance but spend plenty of time together virtually and have met in person which was great, but it’s been a pretty wild ride.
He’s ruined all of the big events over the past year, my children birthdays were about him and how sad he was, Christmas and new year was jealousy as I was with my children, I took them away to Disney world and he tried to hoover up his exes for attention saying he loved and missed them whilst blind drunk (he was sober for years prior to this) and he didn’t tell me this it was only when one contacted me whilst I was at Disney and I confronted him that I found out and he screamed at me and blocked me for a day and after that he calmed down and told me to take his SM accounts to prove he wasn’t up to anything but he’s not as smart as he thinks he is and I found out about the other girl, and that broke my heart. He explained it away as he just wanted to hear the time they’d spent together meant something to them and he wanted them to feel guilty for leaving him, and I think that’s true as he lives for validation and the one cheated on him multiple times, but it still made me feel worthless. We managed to get to a point I felt I could trust him again but then other things kicked up such as constant drinking, gambling, threats of suicide, asking for money for food and using it on betting sites and for weed and vapes.
Towards the start of the year I started to look up his current diagnosis of bipolar disorder-polar disorder as I felt I wasn’t supporting him as well as I could do, as we’d been through a crazy time in the 6 months before and I felt like if I could understand his behaviours I could rationalise the abuse I endured and try and get him help. As I did though, BPD came up in the search and holy shit did it resonate, he could tick almost every single box, if not all of them. Troubled teenage years with dangerous and erratic behaviour leading to jail time? Tick. Absent mother leading to abandonment issues? Tick. Future faking, multiple addictions, living in a fantasy world, compulsive lying, stealing, hoovering up old flames, ruining events important to me, idealising to demeaning quick as a flash, intense anger, intense probing for information which is used against me later, lovebombing, cannot hold down a job and has no interest in getting one, depression, ADHD… the list just went on for ways he fit the things people all reported and it scared me. I searched support groups and websites for more info on how to support but found that unless he sought help himself he’d never have any chance, and he always felt so sorry for anything he said and did and didn’t understand why he did things like that but that it was a compulsion so thought I’d bring it to light.
As we’re long distance I felt comfortable discussing this with him and his dad who he lives with and they both agreed it’d be something to look into but as he has no health insurance (U.S) it wasn’t feasible right then. Afterwards we had a really great few months, some arguments but nothing major and I felt we’d be able to handle it until we got him some professional help, but it seems to be getting on and the depression and anger flair up so much at the moment as he’s giving up drinking and smoking, 4 weeks off which I’m very proud of him for which I tell him all the time! He’s said some absolutely awful things to me recently (nobody wants me, he is going to leave me/block me/punish me/ fuck off back to my ex husband) and then told me he’s sorry and loves me and I deserve better and he’s sorry he makes me miserable, then the next thing I make him miserable and I degrade him and make him feel like the worst boyfriend ever. I’ve spent evenings sobbing and recording the screaming to try and force myself to give him up, but I’m so deeply in love it’s ridiculous and I can’t break the spell, nor do I think I really want to as the love I get when we’re happy is amazing.
It sounds awful but he’s funny, smart in his own way, kind, sweet, loving, attentive and dotes on me in times he’s doing well, and that’s what keeps me around as the good outweighs the bad in terms of amount of time spent on that state. He’s supposed to be coming here for a few months soon with the help of his family members, and whilst I’m looking forward to it I’m worried about him splitting in front of friends and family who don’t know him and don’t understand - he won’t be around my children this trip and I know if he does that’ll be it, they’ll never let him be part of my life even if he gets help.
He’s totally off his meds for his current conditions due to cost and whilst coming off the ADs did help his mood a lot, a lack of mood stabiliser and his ADHD/OCD meds is noticeable.
Can somebody tell me if there is any hope please or about their journies? Or am I just on a really shitty and dangerous journey which I can’t help him with and need to have someone men in black me into letting go? I love him so much and I’ve never felt as intensely in love before, he wants a whole life together which he’s never wanted before, marriage, kids, stability and he’s told all of his friends and family this whilst I’ve visited, but if I were my friend I’d tell me to leave and never look back.
I’m sorry if I’m rambling or not very coherent, I’m exhausted from staying up all night to soothe him as he’s had a very overwhelming few days, then I needed to go on living normal life a few hours later, also the app on here is very slow to type (like a lag) at the moment as it’s my old device. If anybody needs any clarification on anything please let me know!
submitted by Beautiful-dreamer_ to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]
He’s ruined all of the big events over the past year, my children birthdays were about him and how sad he was, Christmas and new year was jealousy as I was with my children, I took them away to Disney world and he tried to hoover up his exes for attention saying he loved and missed them whilst blind drunk (he was sober for years prior to this) and he didn’t tell me this it was only when one contacted me whilst I was at Disney and I confronted him that I found out and he screamed at me and blocked me for a day and after that he calmed down and told me to take his SM accounts to prove he wasn’t up to anything but he’s not as smart as he thinks he is and I found out about the other girl, and that broke my heart. He explained it away as he just wanted to hear the time they’d spent together meant something to them and he wanted them to feel guilty for leaving him, and I think that’s true as he lives for validation and the one cheated on him multiple times, but it still made me feel worthless. We managed to get to a point I felt I could trust him again but then other things kicked up such as constant drinking, gambling, threats of suicide, asking for money for food and using it on betting sites and for weed and vapes.
Towards the start of the year I started to look up his current diagnosis of bipolar disorder-polar disorder as I felt I wasn’t supporting him as well as I could do, as we’d been through a crazy time in the 6 months before and I felt like if I could understand his behaviours I could rationalise the abuse I endured and try and get him help. As I did though, BPD came up in the search and holy shit did it resonate, he could tick almost every single box, if not all of them. Troubled teenage years with dangerous and erratic behaviour leading to jail time? Tick. Absent mother leading to abandonment issues? Tick. Future faking, multiple addictions, living in a fantasy world, compulsive lying, stealing, hoovering up old flames, ruining events important to me, idealising to demeaning quick as a flash, intense anger, intense probing for information which is used against me later, lovebombing, cannot hold down a job and has no interest in getting one, depression, ADHD… the list just went on for ways he fit the things people all reported and it scared me. I searched support groups and websites for more info on how to support but found that unless he sought help himself he’d never have any chance, and he always felt so sorry for anything he said and did and didn’t understand why he did things like that but that it was a compulsion so thought I’d bring it to light.
As we’re long distance I felt comfortable discussing this with him and his dad who he lives with and they both agreed it’d be something to look into but as he has no health insurance (U.S) it wasn’t feasible right then. Afterwards we had a really great few months, some arguments but nothing major and I felt we’d be able to handle it until we got him some professional help, but it seems to be getting on and the depression and anger flair up so much at the moment as he’s giving up drinking and smoking, 4 weeks off which I’m very proud of him for which I tell him all the time! He’s said some absolutely awful things to me recently (nobody wants me, he is going to leave me/block me/punish me/ fuck off back to my ex husband) and then told me he’s sorry and loves me and I deserve better and he’s sorry he makes me miserable, then the next thing I make him miserable and I degrade him and make him feel like the worst boyfriend ever. I’ve spent evenings sobbing and recording the screaming to try and force myself to give him up, but I’m so deeply in love it’s ridiculous and I can’t break the spell, nor do I think I really want to as the love I get when we’re happy is amazing.
It sounds awful but he’s funny, smart in his own way, kind, sweet, loving, attentive and dotes on me in times he’s doing well, and that’s what keeps me around as the good outweighs the bad in terms of amount of time spent on that state. He’s supposed to be coming here for a few months soon with the help of his family members, and whilst I’m looking forward to it I’m worried about him splitting in front of friends and family who don’t know him and don’t understand - he won’t be around my children this trip and I know if he does that’ll be it, they’ll never let him be part of my life even if he gets help.
He’s totally off his meds for his current conditions due to cost and whilst coming off the ADs did help his mood a lot, a lack of mood stabiliser and his ADHD/OCD meds is noticeable.
Can somebody tell me if there is any hope please or about their journies? Or am I just on a really shitty and dangerous journey which I can’t help him with and need to have someone men in black me into letting go? I love him so much and I’ve never felt as intensely in love before, he wants a whole life together which he’s never wanted before, marriage, kids, stability and he’s told all of his friends and family this whilst I’ve visited, but if I were my friend I’d tell me to leave and never look back.
I’m sorry if I’m rambling or not very coherent, I’m exhausted from staying up all night to soothe him as he’s had a very overwhelming few days, then I needed to go on living normal life a few hours later, also the app on here is very slow to type (like a lag) at the moment as it’s my old device. If anybody needs any clarification on anything please let me know!