Tomorrow will essentially be my last day of hs for the year. I’ve worn clown makeup to school before, but only on halloween. A few of my classmates and even teachers asked if I would or could do it again before I leave.
I’m not a scary clown if I do say so myself, but some of the… (less savoury) students have complained about in the past on halloween. (I live in a predominantly black area where being mean loud and ghetto is a norm 😕)
I remember a specific incident in the lunch room where a girl very loudly started telling her friend about how “these kids” in reference to me an generally any other students who dressed up are paraphrased “doing too much”.
But on the other hand security guards requested pictures with me in the hallway. “I keep telling my friends you kids just wear the darndest things”.
We’re on a preforming arts campus if that makes adds more context. (sorry if this reads bad i’m on mobile)

I found this old story, and decided to polish it up and post it. Sometimes I like to do little world-building exercises, to flesh out the world. I might not want to go into a seven hundred word digression about how firefighting might work on a space station in a novel, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't write about it.

When the humans came aboard the starbase they brought with them their own ideas about how to do things. After all, they've been in space for a long time, most of that time alone. Just about any scenario that could happen, did happen to them at least once...sometimes twice if they weren't paying attention.
With their propensity for solving problems with explosions (they will always exclaim that it was a "minor" explosion) and their seemingly genetic tolerance for risk, it is inevitable that the humans have robust systems in place to help with disasters. One of their most respected first responders on the joint Human/K'laxi starbase is the Fire Brigade. Made up of two-thirds human and one-third K'laxi, their highly polished red pressure suits with gold accents and the large Maltese Cross - a human symbol for a fire brigade - are a welcome sight anytime a conflagration gets out of hand.
One may point out that in space, all the starbase AI has to do is remove the air from a room with a fire and it will be extinguished. This is true, but should only be considered a last resort. If a fire can be extinguished in a more traditional way, with foam, water and carbon dioxide, it's a much less traumatic experience for all involved. Additionally, there are many internal rooms where there is no direct access to hard vacuum. Multiple rooms would have to be evacuated to extinguish the fire. There is always work for the Fire Brigade.
It is a volunteer service, which meets 3 times a week for training; usually in the evening. All members are required to be available to drop what they are doing as respond to an emergency at least 4 times a month. There is no shortage of volunteers. In fact, the waitlist is so long that people are requested to only maintain an active membership for two human (or one K'laxi) year before resigning their commission to give someone else a chance to volunteer. Only the Head of the Brigade, Head of Apparatus, and Head of Training are permanent positions.
All volunteers keep their pressure suits in the suit locker that is closest to their homes, and it is their own responsibility to maintain and keep it clean. Polished brightwork and gleaming suits are a hallmark of the fire brigade, and every member takes it seriously. Many volunteers are seen scrubbing and polishing every weekend.
On those weekends, children of all stripes will congregate at the main "firehouse" and watch the members train and polish and maintain their equipment. The fire brigade vehicles - while small and meant more for hauling gear and hoses rather than people - are the only wheeled vehicles on the starbase, so they're always a big hit with the kids. If it's a slow afternoon and there is a surplus of volunteers that day, it's not uncommon for rides to be given up and down the promenade.
Many children request a visit from the fire brigade at birthday parties. So long as they're not currently occupied, they're always willing to have a few members show up, lights and sirens blaring, dressed in full turn-out gear to teach fire safety and let the kids sit in the truck and wear the pressure helmets.
The fire brigade is a respected institution on the starbase and their word on fire safety is final. Even the starbase AI will ask for their opinion about things related to fire safety. It has not gone unnoticed that since the humans established a permanent fire brigade that incidents and accidents of all types have been reduced. Being safety minded is contagious.
They may never be the main focus of life aboard the starbase, and they will never be the first thing a visitor sees, but everyone is glad they are there, ready to help.

(19F) Hey everyone! Thank you for all the answers to my questions in previous posts, and the support. I am still a little loopy from being drugged up but here’s how my whole process went! (kind of long)
Starting with the prep. I had to take Gavilyte-C, it was one of the most disgusting things I had ever drank. It may be good to you but for me..I just cannot handle it. When starting that prep on Monday I only finished a little less than half but I was able to have very frequent bowel movements which were all liquid/runny. The morning of my procedure I woke up at 7 AM to finish the rest. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to finish the rest of the Gavilyte so I said screw it, my stool was already clear enough, I could see through it and it looked like urine. I probably only drank 1 glass this morning and then chugged two waters down after that.
Getting to the doctors, everything went well. I got changed into the gown and got my IV put in. I did tell my anesthesiologist that I was pretty nervous as I did not want to feel anything. She ended up using Benadryl and something else and before I knew it I was out like a light. I don’t remember getting dressed just waking up on my dad’s car and falling back asleep.
Now to my “results” They told me they found some small internal hemorrhoids, no polyps or visible inflammation was seen. They did however take some biopsies throughout my colon which I will have to wait about a week for results.
It’s just a little crazy how all of my tiredness, the blood when passing a bowel movement, losing weight & loss of appetite is just the internal hemorrhoids. It’s hard for me to believe that’s all, with the amount of blood I would always see in my stool it’s just seems like so much for a small hemorrhoid?
Hopefully when I get my biopsy results back it tells me something else that’s worth knowing for all the symptoms I would have. Anyways, thanks for listening to my story! Ask me questions if you like and I’ll try my best to answer them!

The bellowing ring of the galleon's bell cuts clear through the clouds before its prow does, the baby blue sky joined with the rich umber of a hull following a long series of Clang... Clang... Clang. A careful eye might notice the gashed rips of claws in the half-drawn sails, but not many eyes are careful. Excitement has been the watchword of the day, the restlessness of the Guildhall practically bubbling over in confirmed anticipation of the vessel's arrival. Regardless of what might be below decks and upon newly minted charts there is one price coveted above all earned by the returning crew: Stories. More vital to your guild than any cargo is what that ship brings everywhere it goes. The bellowing ring of the galleon's bell cuts clear through the clouds before its prow does, the baby blue sky joined with the rich umber of a hull following a long series of Clang... Clang... Clang. A careful eye might notice the gashed rips of claws in the half-drawn sails, but not many eyes are careful. Excitement has been the watchword of the day, the restlessness of the Guildhall practically bubbling over in confirmed anticipation of the vessel's arrival. Regardless of what might be below decks and upon newly minted charts there is one price coveted above all earned by the returning crew: Stories. More vital to your guild than any cargo is what that ship brings everywhere it goes. Wonder*.*
Hi! I'm Ellory (They/she), DM of 8 years, and I'd like to be yours! DnD 5e was my very first exposure to TTRPGs and since then I've enjoyed a great many systems, but always will 5E have a very special place in my heart. I believe that the PCs are the main characters of the story that we all tell together, guided by my own work of set dressing and plot writing. I asked my players if they had anything to say for my DMing abilities, so I'll let them speak for me!

Reviews!

"I've always believed that the single most important rule of any tabletop game is to have fun, and Ellory has mastered this rule. She's a top class Dungeon Master who has provided me with some of the greatest tabletop memories I've ever had. They've crafted some of the most heart pounding action, soul jerking sorrow, and joyous celebration I've felt at the table." -Tyler
"Ellory is, by far, the best DM I have ever had. I have been playing at their table for 4+ years in a wide variety of systems and settings - a 1.5 year long campaign in a home-brewed world in DnD 5e, a 2-year-long campaign of Vampire: the Masquerade, and a variety of one-shots and short campaigns in other systems. I will likely continue to play at their table for the next decade or longer. I have played with a number of different storytellers and dungeon masters, and none of them have ever demonstrated the same level of care for the enjoyment of their players, nor for their world. Their voice-acting is varied, their passion for the story is noticeable, and their flexibility to account for players' desires is impressive." -Kaitlyn
"Ellory's style of DM'ing immerses you in worlds that are vibrant, detailed, and dynamic. Every NPC in their games feels individually unique, with their own motives and plans, making interactions deeply engaging and often leading to unexpected twists and turns. Ellory manages to strike a perfect balance between long over-arching storylines and player agency. The plots are compelling and well-structured, providing a sense of purpose. However, they never impose these narratives at the expense of player freedom. Choices matter, and player actions have a genuine impact on the world and its inhabitants. Each player's decisions is woven seamlessly into the broader narrative, making every game feel like a collaborative storytelling effort. Most importantly, after being a part of Ellory's games for years, I still look forward to every session and always leave having had a great time. If you're looking for a great DM whose sessions you eagerly anticipate each week, look no further." -Tanner

Game Details!

As is my wont, I've gone and made another fully fleshed out setting for a brand new group of players to experience. You will play as the explorers at the horizon, agents of The Cartographer's Guild. Maps are very important when you have to worry about another island, however distant, on a collision course with your house. And while map making is less than dramatic, the real main event is the exploration of never-before-seen chunks of land that haven't seen a soul in generations. Forgotten tombs and harrowing dungeons, isolated villages and monster nests await our intrepid voyagers, getting rich off of history before it kills them.
There's a fair bit of lore that would make this ad far and away overstuffed. If you're interested to learn the lore of creation, see a glimpse of history, and examine the 5 detailed cultures of the world, feel free to peruse this drive folder! https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/117zEVINT4h8qY4dkA3O5EU9J2VDrXPNY?usp=sharing
Generally speaking, our format of play will involved downtime at the Guildhall with our characters unwinding from the last expedition and preparing for the next. From there, exploration will ensue with brief but enriching and immersing random encounters until a plot encounter is discovered. Following its resolution our heroes will return to base and so the cycle repeats, with some glaring exceptions when player decision calls for it.
I have a handful of ideas for an overarching narrative, but our final choice will be made collaboratively and in accordance with player interest and backstory considerations.
I accept any and all classes from officially published material, though your selection of lineage/race will be more limited to fit the lore of the setting. Your options will include:

Humans, the Tribe Undivided
Dwarves, the Tribe of Earth
Drau-shi, the Tribe of Water
Rani, the Tribe of Fire
Elves, the Tribe of Air

Even the familiar names of the above list do have occasionally significant alterations from the PHB to reflect their unique standing in the Shattered Skies.

Logistics & Requirements!

This game will require payment to the Game Master at a rate of $20 per session excepting absences and session zero delivered through Venmo, Cash App, or Zelle.
Roll20 will be used for the purposes of tactical combat encounter maps, dice rolling, and character sheet management. Discord will be used for voice and video communications. I will be using my camera for our sessions so I can talk with my hands and face alongside my voice, and I would encourage you to do the same! I have a server made and prepared for this game.
My timezone is CST, and I'm entirely available on Saturday to make a session time work around whatever our schedules allow for. I'm partial to evening start times myself. I'm hoping our (free) session zero can happen on the 25th and we can begin play properly on the 1st of June.
If you're paying for sessions of DnD it's a fair assumption you're over the age of 18, and I would prefer you're at least that old. Exceptions can be made, but my games tend to be adult and include elements of occasionally disturbing horror.
I expect y'all to have fun, and if that involves drug or alcohol use for you I'd ask the dial to be set to somewhere around 3 out of 10. I've been known to have a glass of wine during sessions but never anything more.
Safety tools will be utilized to maintain a safe environment where everyone is having comfortable fun. Lines and veils will be established, and mine is an open table. If you knowingly violate a line it is grounds for ejection without refund. There is a certain amount of emotional trust we give our players and our DMs when we play this game, and it will not be betrayed.
Furthermore, this is an explicitly LGBT friendly space. I'm queer in multiple ways and queer identities will be portrayed in the NPCs of the world. If either of those things are deal breakers for you, please look elsewhere for a game.

In Closing!

If this game has piqued your interest, shoot me a message on Reddit or find me on discord at "teslazoa"!

The bellowing ring of the galleon's bell cuts clear through the clouds before its prow does, the baby blue sky joined with the rich umber of a hull following a long series of Clang... Clang... Clang. A careful eye might notice the gashed rips of claws in the half-drawn sails, but not many eyes are careful. Excitement has been the watchword of the day, the restlessness of the Guildhall practically bubbling over in confirmed anticipation of the vessel's arrival. Regardless of what might be below decks and upon newly minted charts there is one price coveted above all earned by the returning crew: Stories. More vital to your guild than any cargo is what that ship brings everywhere it goes. The bellowing ring of the galleon's bell cuts clear through the clouds before its prow does, the baby blue sky joined with the rich umber of a hull following a long series of Clang... Clang... Clang. A careful eye might notice the gashed rips of claws in the half-drawn sails, but not many eyes are careful. Excitement has been the watchword of the day, the restlessness of the Guildhall practically bubbling over in confirmed anticipation of the vessel's arrival. Regardless of what might be below decks and upon newly minted charts there is one price coveted above all earned by the returning crew: Stories. More vital to your guild than any cargo is what that ship brings everywhere it goes. Wonder*.*
Hi! I'm Ellory (They/she), DM of 8 years, and I'd like to be yours! DnD 5e was my very first exposure to TTRPGs and since then I've enjoyed a great many systems, but always will 5E have a very special place in my heart. I believe that the PCs are the main characters of the story that we all tell together, guided by my own work of set dressing and plot writing. I asked my players if they had anything to say for my DMing abilities, so I'll let them speak for me!

Reviews!

"I've always believed that the single most important rule of any tabletop game is to have fun, and Ellory has mastered this rule. She's a top class Dungeon Master who has provided me with some of the greatest tabletop memories I've ever had. They've crafted some of the most heart pounding action, soul jerking sorrow, and joyous celebration I've felt at the table." -Tyler
"Ellory is, by far, the best DM I have ever had. I have been playing at their table for 4+ years in a wide variety of systems and settings - a 1.5 year long campaign in a home-brewed world in DnD 5e, a 2-year-long campaign of Vampire: the Masquerade, and a variety of one-shots and short campaigns in other systems. I will likely continue to play at their table for the next decade or longer. I have played with a number of different storytellers and dungeon masters, and none of them have ever demonstrated the same level of care for the enjoyment of their players, nor for their world. Their voice-acting is varied, their passion for the story is noticeable, and their flexibility to account for players' desires is impressive." -Kaitlyn
"Ellory's style of DM'ing immerses you in worlds that are vibrant, detailed, and dynamic. Every NPC in their games feels individually unique, with their own motives and plans, making interactions deeply engaging and often leading to unexpected twists and turns. Ellory manages to strike a perfect balance between long over-arching storylines and player agency. The plots are compelling and well-structured, providing a sense of purpose. However, they never impose these narratives at the expense of player freedom. Choices matter, and player actions have a genuine impact on the world and its inhabitants. Each player's decisions is woven seamlessly into the broader narrative, making every game feel like a collaborative storytelling effort. Most importantly, after being a part of Ellory's games for years, I still look forward to every session and always leave having had a great time. If you're looking for a great DM whose sessions you eagerly anticipate each week, look no further." -Tanner

Game Details!

As is my wont, I've gone and made another fully fleshed out setting for a brand new group of players to experience. You will play as the explorers at the horizon, agents of The Cartographer's Guild. Maps are very important when you have to worry about another island, however distant, on a collision course with your house. And while map making is less than dramatic, the real main event is the exploration of never-before-seen chunks of land that haven't seen a soul in generations. Forgotten tombs and harrowing dungeons, isolated villages and monster nests await our intrepid voyagers, getting rich off of history before it kills them.
There's a fair bit of lore that would make this ad far and away overstuffed. If you're interested to learn the lore of creation, see a glimpse of history, and examine the 5 detailed cultures of the world, feel free to peruse this drive folder! https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/117zEVINT4h8qY4dkA3O5EU9J2VDrXPNY?usp=sharing
Generally speaking, our format of play will involved downtime at the Guildhall with our characters unwinding from the last expedition and preparing for the next. From there, exploration will ensue with brief but enriching and immersing random encounters until a plot encounter is discovered. Following its resolution our heroes will return to base and so the cycle repeats, with some glaring exceptions when player decision calls for it.
I have a handful of ideas for an overarching narrative, but our final choice will be made collaboratively and in accordance with player interest and backstory considerations.
I accept any and all classes from officially published material, though your selection of lineage/race will be more limited to fit the lore of the setting. Your options will include:

Humans, the Tribe Undivided
Dwarves, the Tribe of Earth
Drau-shi, the Tribe of Water
Rani, the Tribe of Fire
Elves, the Tribe of Air

Even the familiar names of the above list do have occasionally significant alterations from the PHB to reflect their unique standing in the Shattered Skies.

Logistics & Requirements!

This game will require payment to the Game Master at a rate of $20 per session excepting absences and session zero delivered through Venmo, Cash App, or Zelle.
Roll20 will be used for the purposes of tactical combat encounter maps, dice rolling, and character sheet management. Discord will be used for voice and video communications. I will be using my camera for our sessions so I can talk with my hands and face alongside my voice, and I would encourage you to do the same! I have a server made and prepared for this game.
My timezone is CST, and I'm entirely available on Saturday to make a session time work around whatever our schedules allow for. I'm partial to evening start times myself. I'm hoping our (free) session zero can happen on the 25th and we can begin play properly on the 1st of June.
If you're paying for sessions of DnD it's a fair assumption you're over the age of 18, and I would prefer you're at least that old. Exceptions can be made, but my games tend to be adult and include elements of occasionally disturbing horror.
I expect y'all to have fun, and if that involves drug or alcohol use for you I'd ask the dial to be set to somewhere around 3 out of 10. I've been known to have a glass of wine during sessions but never anything more.
Safety tools will be utilized to maintain a safe environment where everyone is having comfortable fun. Lines and veils will be established, and mine is an open table. If you knowingly violate a line it is grounds for ejection without refund. There is a certain amount of emotional trust we give our players and our DMs when we play this game, and it will not be betrayed.
Furthermore, this is an explicitly LGBT friendly space. I'm queer in multiple ways and queer identities will be portrayed in the NPCs of the world. If either of those things are deal breakers for you, please look elsewhere for a game.

In Closing!

If this game has piqued your interest, shoot me a message on Reddit or find me on discord at "teslazoa"!

I know that this is a controversial opinion, but as someone with two sisters, I can't help but notice that racism towards black men is always more aggressive. I understand that both black men and women experience racism in our lives, but it seems that black men face more. In my honest opinion, black women face more classism rather than racism. By this, I mean that I have two sisters:
one is overweight with pink braids, long nails, shows a lot of skin, and always speaks her mind. She often complains about having a hard time finding a job, how no one wants to hire her because she's black, and how she struggles to find a relationship because Latin individuals are preferred by black men. On the other hand, my other sister is skinny, has European features, straight hair extensions, a more stockholm style, and behaves in a more refined manner compared to my other sister. I have noticed that she has an easier time finding jobs, often getting hired by the same places that rejected my other sister. She also has an easier time making friends and getting into relationships, and is generally treated better. Both of my sisters are black, with the same skin color and everything, which has led me to believe that black women face more classism than racism. I understand that racists will say that black women are ugly, ghetto, undesirable, and loud. However, when it comes to black men, they will say all sorts of horrible things. I acknowledge that both forms of discrimination are equally bad, but would you rather be seen as ugly or a thief?
Recently, I found myself going down a rabbit hole and stumbled upon a very racist website. I won't mention the name, but whenever they post about a black man, it's always filled with racist content. According to them, there is an 80% chance that a black man is a felon. If you date a black man, you will supposedly end up being a single mom. They also claim that black men look like monkeys, are dangerous, and say other racist remarks. However, there is rarely any mention of black women. When I search for information about black women, I come across posts like "black husband and white wife have the highest divorce rates," while "black wife and white husband have the lowest divorce rate among interracial couples." I know it may seem like I'm searching for evidence, but I genuinely believe that a skinny black woman with European features is less likely to face racism than a black man. What I'm trying to say is that if a black woman dresses more elegantly, focuses on losing weight and getting fit, and behaves in a more refined manner, she will be treated much better than black men.

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Hey Pops,
I never got to tell you this, but you’re the reason I’m here right now. College and all of the benefits were just a bonus. I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted something that no one else would understand except you and I. There was nothing I wanted more than to march across that drill deck, graduate, and see you coming down to pick on me with my dress whites. I wouldn’t have expected anything less, honestly.
I don’t know what you’d say to me right now, though. All of the doubts and homesickness is really getting to me. I could really use your advice on how you dealt with it. I’m sure things were pretty different back then.
I know you and grandma will be there when it comes time for PIR though. Hell, you’ll have the best seats in the house. I miss you guys more than you know.
SR DeLuca Div 120

Hi! I feel like a lot of the discourse about people not liking this season is in part due to people not really understanding what friends to lovers is, specifically the trope as it applies to Colin and Penelope, so I thought I might share my thoughts :)
Now I haven’t read the books - this is all based on what I gleaned from the show on multiple rewatches and as someone who has been the Penelope in a friendship for a longggg long time. Hopefully this makes sense.
Romance tropes can often boiled down to their immediate, basic truths. The popular enemies to lovers, for example: Enemy 1 + Enemy 2 + sexual tension = Lover 1 and Lover 2. Not to say enemies to lovers can’t be complex, but generally the starting point for enemies is an essential lack of trust between the parties and moments of connection (via fights) fueled by intense feelings of hatred/rage/whatever which can, in turn, translate to sexual tension. Due to the lack of trust, when they do get together it’s an explosion of that intense energy, highlighted even more-so by the knowledge that they don’t truly trust each other but they need each other which makes the heart race all the more and the passion all that more explosive.
Let’s look at Kate and Anthony as this trope. When they meet there is an immediate spark, fueled by a race in which they’re in competition. Once she hears him at the ball she decides she will do everything in her power to stop him from marrying her sister, and since he is determined to marry Edwina every interaction they have from that point on, until they have their happily ever after in the last episode, can be considered a fight. Moments like the bane of my existence and you vex me are such high intensity because it’s two people fueled by anger and sexual/romantic tension. They need each other like air but will do everything to fight it because of the anger, making the onscreen affections super intense for the viewer (especially as viewers who have just been introduced to Kate and are getting to know her through the lens of Anthony).
Now friends to lovers is, if I may say, quite a bit more complicated. A basic boiled down is Friend 1 + Friend 2 + romance/sexual tension = Lovers. But all friendships are different - if you’re new friends your pipeline to lovers is likely entirely different than old friends to lovers. If one party is in love with the other that changes the dynamic entirely; are they long distance or close? Were they childhood friends? Are they both likeable and popular or is one more nerdy and quiet or both? Do they know each other’s families? Are they best friends or just friends? All of these and more create new dynamics and emotions that can lead to love in different ways. My point is that friends to lovers is not as easy to pin down as something like enemies to lovers. So that’s why a couple like Polin may seem like they don’t have as much chemistry on screen - because their intensity shines in a different way than what we’re used to in Bridgerton.
Going into season three we know that Penelope has been in love with Colin for a long time, but during that time the two also formed a close friendship. When Colin proposed to Marina, yes Penelope whistledowned about the pregnancy to stop him from marrying her for love reasons, but also because he is her friend and she didn’t want to see him trapped in a loveless marriage. We also know that when Colin traveled between seasons one and two Penelope most often responded to his letters. Even during a scene in season two Pen specifically asks to hear more about his travels, even though everyone else in Colin’s life had asked him to stop talking about it. Pen’s crush and friendship don’t cancel each other out, they exist side by side as two parts of Penelope that often overlap but are most importantly separate entities. And she knows that.
Colin does not. In season three when Colin is talking about when they first met, Penelope looks away with anxiety when Colin suggests he knows why Penelope was so forward in making fun of him for falling off his horse and starting their friendship. She knows it’s because she had a crush on him. He states that it was because they were kids. This means it’s canon that Penelope had a crush on him since the moment they met. As a result, Colin has never experienced a friendship with Pen that doesn’t also have an underlying crush. He doesn’t know that Pen doesn’t respond to everyone’s letters all the time, or hangs onto their every word, or goes out of her way to talk to them. How Pen acts around him is how he assumes she acts around everyone - that’s why he doesn’t pick up on her crush.
It’s also why, I argue, he doesn’t realize that he loves her until the kiss in season three. He truly and genuinely takes her affections, her friendship, for granted because he doesn’t understand that someone so loyal and loving like that is rare. He doesn’t appear to have much else in the way of friends; outside of his family we don’t really see him interact with other men, and in season three the “friends” he does spend time with make comments to suggest they only started hanging out with him after his personality change to be more like his brothers - a rake who doesn’t care much for real affections. It’s why he said he would never court Penelope Featherington, or why he said “You are Pen, you do not count” when asked why he was still talking to her if he swore off women. He was super young when his dad died, so the only male role models he has for what love means are Anthony and Benedict. So, as he understands it, a man courting a woman is about sleeping around until the man finds a suitable match that pleases the family regardless of the man’s happiness. Even though he saw that Anthony fell in love by the time Colin said he would never court Pen, he didn’t see Anthony’s journey to understanding that love is not something to run from but something to cherish like we, the viewers, did. Anthony’s arc was just background noise for Colin, so it wasn’t like that would change his outlook on what Anthony’s actions in season one and beginning of season two loudly called out: choosing love over meaningless sex is idiotic and weak. It is explained in a letter that the reason Colin decided to try being like his brothers is BECAUSE Penelope stopped responding to him during his travels between seasons two and three. He decided to start guarding his heart, throwing on the rakish armor we see him dawn in the first half of season three, because he didn’t have that relationship that made him feel stable and loved anymore.
This is why Colin is genuinely distressed when Penelope walks away from him at the garden party in the first episode of season three, and why he went after her to explain that he missed her. He loves his relationship with her, not understanding that what he feels is actually love for her because he has never been aware that true love feels the way it does when he is with Pen. He sees Penelope as his best friendship, rather than the love of his life, because he literally can’t see it any other way based on how everything in his life played out to that point.
———
Okay this is way longer than I intended this to be already, but to finally make it to my main point! The Friends to Lovers trope as it plays out in Season Three Part One: Polin Do Be Polining.
What does all this mean for how Polin’s intensity shines as a couple? Due to the way their friendship has played out things like Colin taking Pen to the dance floor (not small social feat btw) in season one when Cressida bullies her, seeking each other out at social events, Pen asking about his travels - all of these are part of their relationship! It’s all part of the slow burn; it’s just less slap-you-in-the-face noticeable, to a viewer of a show about specified romance, as Kate and Anthony and even Simon and Daphne because acting like friends is an implicit part of Polin’s love story. Because they are best friends as well as eventually lovers!!
This is in full display in Season three, though put more on blast since it’s their season to get together. Colin saying he’ll teach Penelope how to get a husband isn’t a pity thing, it’s a real moment of genuine care that Colin is extending towards her.
—— “Pen wants to get a husband to be happy? Great! I’ll help to make her happy because her happiness means everything to me. Because I am her friend. Duh :)” - top ten photos taken ten seconds before disaster. ——
And it works! They start spending all this time together, and Pen has always looked gorgeous but is finally wearing clothes that she feels gorgeous in and you can see it in the way she acts, and suddenly Colin’s heart starts doing all these weird jumps around her like when she’s in the drawing room and when she wraps his hand because he has always loved her, so he doesn’t understand what these feelings that are coming up during these scenes are because they are not new feelings, just more intense ones of what he believes is pure friendship.
Penelope, on the other hand, has had her brain decide to give up on Colin Bridgerton (even though her heart hasn’t). As someone who’s been there, being in unrequited love with your friend is brutal but you can never really let go. No matter how many people they date, or the hours you spend together talking about their new crush, or the life moments share together where they do everything but love you there is always that small spark of hope in your chest that you can’t let go of lest they ever possibly realize they love you back. That chance is too precious to give up - that’s why Penelope can’t give Debling a real answer when he asks her if she would like to be with Colin in episode four. Logically she knows she should give it up but her heart just can’t. She is a hopeless romantic and her life has been spinning around Colin Bridgerton since she was 16 like the earth around the Sun. There is no other way to live, for her, if she isn’t in love with Colin. And that’s what breaks her heart the most.
It’s also why, I believe, she asks him to kiss her in that garden. She had just written about herself in Whistledown that she did the upmost embarrassing act of taking Colin’s assistance on the marriage market, and her mother dressed her down about being a spinster for the rest of her life. All of Pen’s plans, of marrying and getting out, are utterly gone for her in that moment when she goes out to the garden. She doesn’t have her prospects. She doesn’t have Eloise. She doesn’t have safety in her own home. The only thing she has left is Colin. That’s why she asks him to kiss her, because he might grant her this one kindness of making her feel alive for just this one moment before the rest of her life ends. That moment is the culmination of all of her feelings up to that point in the show. She’s given up on Colin - she wouldn’t have asked him to kiss her had she any hope left. This was her last ditch attempt to just be a girl and be kissed regardless of what he actually meant to her. It wasn’t out of desperation, it was staring down the barrel of the gun with societies’s finger on the trigger.
When she asks him Colin is taken aback. Not because he doesn’t want to kiss her but because he has never considered it before. Kissing was reserved for women you are looking to sleep with at a bar, for prostitutes in alleyways, not for his caring Pen. I’ve seen some upset over not including more of Colin’s writing in the show, as he becomes quite the writer in the books apparently, and the writing we do see is just about sex but given the way they paced the show they provided the most important piece of context for Colin’s understanding of intimacy in the writing they did use. He wonders how one can feel, despite sleeping with every kind of woman across Europe, such intimacy in physical closeness and yet such distance emotionally. It’s some level of satisfying for him to sleep around, but it doesn’t fulfill him in the way it seemed to fulfill his brothers. He cannot equate the idea of kissing to Penelope because he feels such emotional closeness to her. But when she brings it up, suddenly everything clicks into place for him. All the emotions he feels towards her, what he thought was just friendship, is so much more. Yes she is his friend, but by god he wants to kiss his friend; not out of the need to search for something but of the overwhelming feeling of going home.
Their kiss is sweet, and soft. Unlike Daphne and Anthony’s first kisses with their respective partners it isn’t this immense clashing of bodies and teeth. It’s two friends who love each other finally meeting each other as sparks fly.
———
Colin is left speechless, and confused. The kiss was amazing to him because he finally unlocked that part of him that made him realize he was in love with Penelope. The kiss was amazing to Penelope because she has been in love with him for so long, but it was also tinged with her own doubts and feelings of hopelessness. That’s why she runs away, and thanks him, because this was her last stand and he was just her friend helping her out as she believes.
But as always, a night of sleep helps clarify things. The next time Pen goes into society she is awkward but still well intentioned about getting a husband because that kiss was a long day’s worth of self pity followed by, in her terms, a moment of weakness. But it clarified things for her too. Now she can’t die without ever having been kissed, so that ultimatum she set up in her own mind was gone and everything seems much more manageable from that point on. Colin, as we know, is a wreck who is absolutely bamboozled at these feelings and we love to watch him flounder!!!
———
Now the tables have been turned. To those of who are think Penelope should have chosen Debling, this part is for you. This is when Debling really starts to court Penelope as she goes after him. She literally fights Cressida for him, because he seems like the most amenable husband for her to be able to continue Whistledown and be provided security. She isn’t looking for love in Debling because she already has love in Colin (love she believes will always remain unrequited, but that kiss can be a memory she cherishes for the rest of her life and that be that); she basically did what Anthony did at the beginning of season two. Find a suitable match that makes the most sense for her and leave searching for a love match out of it. She likes Debling, for sure, and he’s a rly nice guy!! He cares about her in a way that a suitor might, and I’m certain had they gotten married he wouldn’t have been mean to her or anything. But she would’ve been lonely. As remembered she is a romantic, someone who craves the love she reads about in her romance books. She’s spent most of her conscious life in love - marrying Debling would stop that in its tracks. In his own words, Debling tells Pen that he could try to maybe love her but that it was far too unlikely to find any room in his heart for her over his passions (aroace Debling stans rise). He specifically mentions that he is choosing her to marry because she has her own passions, separate from his, that can keep her company while he is gone both physically and emotionally from her. She doesn’t realize this until it’s too late, when her focus on the chase is over, and Debling asks her mother for her hand. It’s only then that she thinks that maybe she could hold out for love, and that power is strong enough to make her actively not want to ensure her security through Debling.
Love is treacherous, and yet we yearn for it like a sailor who cannot help but smile at the beauty of the raging sea at it comes crashing down upon him. Penelope would rather a thousand lifetimes of the chance to be in love with Colin over one lifetime married to Debling in safety.
That is why Debling breaks it off with her. Because she loves Colin, Debling knows she would choose Colin over him, and he sees Colin’s interest in her even if she does not. Like girl…. Colin literally found out she was going to get engaged, ran to the ball, interrupted the dance wherein Debling was going to ask Pen to marry him, ran after her carriage just to know if she was engaged because he couldn’t fathom letting her get away in a loveless marriage, and when finding out she was not engaged telling her he loved her even if she did not love him back because he simply had to express to her how much he loved her as he owed her that as his friend. Colin got in his knees in that carriage because he was genuinely splaying out his heart to her for her to dissect as she chose. He put himself at her mercy because that is where he believes his place to be - hers.
———
The carriage scene is, of course, the moment of highest intensity from the viewer standpoint of what we think love should appear to be. Other scenes could be Colin’s dream, and the moment in the sweets tent, etc. But those moments aren’t all of Polin’s love story. They may be the most visceral to witness, but they are just as important as the two of them laughing together in the corner of a ballroom. Their romantic trope is defined as Friends to Lovers, but that isn’t quite right - they are both. There is no big “or” between the two. Colin and Penelope are friends and lovers, and all of it is a beauty to witness.
Okay that’s it! If you’ve made it this far thanks for sticking around to hear my obsessive little thoughts. I wish you a very happy Bridgerton rewatch :)

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