After back surgery gift ideas

I want to start this off by saying that trans people are 100% valid and real!! I just happen to not be one of them. I’ve also made this post on detrans but Ive heard they can be 50/50 with advice, plus there’s also more people here.
To preface, I came out as FTM when I was about 14. This was after a lot of trauma I endured regarding a man as well as after someone at summer camp kinda convinced me I was trans. After lots of research I came to the conclusion I was FTM and wanted to transition. Around 17 (I’m 19 now) I started taking testosterone. The major changes it had was the following.
-Vocally my voice is much deeper -Large Adams Apple -Facial hair growth (blonde) -body hair growth (dark) -receding hairline and thinning, especially at the corners of my head.
I’ve stopped taking testosterone about a month and a half ago, obviously I haven’t seen any changes. I also haven’t had any surgery.
I want to be seen as a woman, and pass as my biological sex and gender identity. Again, I support and find trans people valid, but I don’t want people to think I’m MTF because I’m not. I don’t know how to phrase that well I’m sorry.
Overall, I just wanna know if it’s possible to fully detransition back to who I was before the hormones. I know certain procedures can work but I also know they’re costly so I’m currently trying my best to run the numbers.
I’m asking for advice here because no one at my university knows I’m FTM and let alone detransitioning. I’m petrified to tell anyone and most especially those who do know even more so(family who took awhile to come to terms). I’m scared and alone in this process and unsure what to do or where to turn. Any advice would be heavily appreciated.
TLDR: is it possible to fully detransition? No surgery only took testosterone for about 3 years.

I personally am a big fan of the "Sukuna is seeing gojo bc he's dying rn" bc even if Sukuna could remain alive a bit longer due to being so op, the idea of Gojo waiting for Sukuna to die to drag him to hell with him is something i find super cool
in the department of Joke/meme type plotwtists for Gojo's return, my favorite is the Kenjaku returning in Gojo's body, bc it's basically impossible but the idea of Kenjaku coming back after being killed like William from fnaf is pretty funny DFGSDFDASD

My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and had a very happy relationship together. We spent almost too much time together and with each others families to the point where we were together every day of the week almost. In december, she began to become distant and cold towards me, and I could tell something was off. She wasn’t as interested in me and it was clear she was getting bored. She broke up with me a few weeks later and told me “she didn’t feel the same spark” anymore. I immediately made the terrible mistake of begging her to stay with me and telling her I’d do anything to not lose her because of how dependent on her I was, which just pushed her away even more. We ended up being very on and off over the next following months. Everytime I left her alone, she would end up texting me telling me she misses me and wants me back and regrets leaving, and everytime I took her back, it wouldn’t take long for her to get cold again and leave me. It’s like she only wanted me when I left her alone, but as soon as she got me back she didn’t want me anymore.
She’d tell me that she wasn’t breaking up with me to get with any other guys, and that she was going to “save herself” for me and continue to be “loyal” so that we could one day get back together and “do things right” according to her and that she just needed space right now. I started to learn about the fact that she was texting and talking to several different guys, and once I realized she was just playing me I decided to leave her alone for a while. We didn’t talk for about a month, which is the longest we ever went without being in contact. Then she randomly contacted me and we ended up speaking in person, where she started crying in my arms saying she regrets leaving me, and the reason she left was because she was getting attention from guys in her school and wanted to be experience being free and single, as I was her first every boyfriend and first experience with men in general so she didn’t know what that life was like and she wanted a taste of it. I asked her if she did things with guys and she said she kissed a boy at a party but that was it. We continued talking over the following weeks and she genuinely was showing me that her mindset had changed. This wasn’t like before where she would be hot and cold, she genuinely had a change in mentality and wanted to be with me again and take me seriously. She realized the single life wasn’t all that and wanted me back. So we got back together, and we were together for a couple months and things were great and felt like the old times again.
However, I began to hear rumors from my friends that she had sex with a guy from her class while we were broken up. I asked her about it, and she told me it was a false rumor that sprang up because she took him home from school one day when he needed a ride but that they didn’t do anything. I believed her. Eventually, a mutual friend of ours reached out to me and told me he felt bad for me and told me that they did have sex. I confronted her again, and she admit that they had sex a couple times in January. She confessed that he had been flirting with her while we were still together but she didn’t start entertaining it back until she left me. A few weeks after, she invited him over to her house to have sex and they began having sex often. My heart sank to my stomach. This meant that while I was depressed and trying to save our relationship initially she was getting railed by someone else and I had no idea. Also the fact that she had been lying about it this whole time. She says she was scared to lose me and that’s why she couldn’t be truthful and that it was a mistake that she regrets deeply. She is practically begging me for forgiveness, but I don’t know if I could ever see her the same. I took her virginity, and now she’s been with someone else. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly since I found out since I constantly imagine it and throw up. I really love this girl and wish she didn’t do that. I don’t know if I can take her back. How should I proceed?
TL;DR Girlfriend broke up with me, had sex with someone else, got back with me and lied about it and now she wants me to forgive her and stay with her after I found out. I don’t wanna lose her but don’t know if I could be with her.

I (36F) am estranged from my Father. Or more, he quit speaking to me after I tried to hold him accountable for living a double life. Christmas morning of 2020 I saw on my father's phone that he was IG messaging a woman "Melisa" she was saying she was on her way to his hotel room and brought snacks. They told each other "I love you" and had nicknames for one another. This is a problem because my Father had been married to my mother for 40 years and was married to her still at the time. They were high-school sweethearts and he acted like they had a great marriage. He travels to one particular city for 2 weeks each month and that is where Melisa lives. She worked at the hospital where he was a Dr. I didn't say anything that morning because I didn't want to ruin Christmas for my mother and sister (40F). I confronted him the following day, he begged me not to tell my mother and he said he would end it. When I found out later that he did not, I told my mother and sister.
A lot came out following this. My father had been fired from the hospital, and was taking money out of his and my mother's home in order to pretend to my mother that he was still working at the hospital and getting a paycheck. He is a compulsive liar and has told people things including: he was injured in the war (he has never been to war), he played college football (untrue), he funded several companies (also untrue), he's a millionaire (def not true), he was on a Federal govt board of health (of course again untrue), etc. My parents got divorced because of this affair. It was also not the only affair he had during their marriage, as we would also learn.
My father was very abusive to my mother and myself when I was growing up, particularly in highschool (berating, screaming, vicious verbal abuse, gaslighting, threatening, etc). I begged my mom to leave him but she couldn't. My sister didn't experience as much of this because she was in college. I confronted my father after the divorce was final to tell him how unbelievably hurt I was by all of his actions. He said he would try to earn back my trust and rebuild our relationship. He began texting me semi-regularly with simple nice messages. It took a while, but eventually I began responding and telling him bits about my life and opening that door again. In Sept, I took a 3-month job out of the country (and told him so). I was very busy and didn't respond as frequently, however I did still respond. In December we texted off and on and on Christmas Eve and I sent a particular message wishing him a happy holiday. Fast forward the next day to Christmas Day and my father not only sent my sister a lavish gift, but also messaged her and not me. I asked him why and he did not respond. My sister asked him why and he proceeded to tell her that I had NEVER responded to his texts in the last year and that I had abused HIM by not texting him and for the things I said way back when I originally confronted him. Basically, made himself the victim in every which way. I of course, showed my sister all the texts I had sent to him to show her that he was lying about this.
He continues to only message her and has not texted me since that day (Christmas Eve 2023). I am beyond hurt by this, it feels like I am hurt all over again by everything. It makes me angry and sad and in disbelief that after the abuse I went through with him growing up, after the copious amount of lies, the affair, and what he put my mother through (she cried every single day for a year after the divorce and was completely shattered) that he could do this to me. My sister still talks to him via text. This has cause a lot of turmoil for me. My sister and I are EXTREMELY close. We run a business together and are absolutely best friends. But she knows what he has done to me and how much I have been devastated by this. She said that she can't not talk to him because she still wants to have a father. Which I am trying to understand. But how can she want a relationship when she knows how much damage he has done to supposedly the most important person in her life (me, her sister). He also still helps her a bit financially here and there and I know this is partly (perhaps wholly the reason). She has now gotten him a Father's Day present and I don't know how to be ok with this. It feels like her maintaining this surface level relationship with him is a tacit endorsement of his treatment of me. I know he definitely thinks of it as such as well. I am angry at her for this and can't let it go. We spend so much time together and she's still maintaining a relationship with the person who has hurt me immeasurably. AITA for not wanting a relationship with my sister over this, or at the very least taking a massive step back from her? Our friends are divided.

My(I am 20M and she is 20F) ex girlfriend is coming to my place to pick up some mail concerning things from the government because she doesn’t have an address in the US that she can use for mail at the moment. I don’t mind letting her use it. We were together for 2 years.
To sum up our relationship, amazing first year and was perfect especially with senior year of highschool in the middle of it, afterwards I developed really selfish and narcissistic tendencies and I hurt her by making her feel unimportant. I know what I did and I want to be how I was in the beginning again. But anyways, after that, two months ago we broke up. She checked in on me and we had a couple stays together, slept together, and I thought I could fix things but she told me she didn’t want me to be there for her, she wants to be herself and be independent, and she doesn’t want me to be there except for our cat-child that I raised with her towards the end of our relationship.
Now after all that i see she’s getting important mail and I never got to tell her that I’m going to change and that I realized I was selfish and a narcissistic asshole. I want to say that I will be the person I was before because I know that’s who I am truly inside.
As for why i became that way, I prioritized a career over her and I also let my ex girl best friend (my age) know way too much about our relationship and I talked to her too fluently. I’ve erased those things from my life realizing just how important she was and I’m going to keep it that way no matter what.
With the last interactions me and this girl had, the last two visits I feel like I showed profoundly that I wanted to fix things because she’s extremely precious to me and she herself told me I was doing really well, and then she hit me with that “I don’t want a relationship.” “I can’t be in a relationship with you.” She named reasons like I don’t actually miss her, just her presence, I just want the old version of her, saying that I somewhere said I can’t be as good as I was for her in the beginning..
All things I’m not sure were accurate at all but I understand that her experience with me is entirely influential about how she thinks I feel.
To get back to the point, she’s coming to see me for a split second for the mail, I’ve been in no contact for 2weeks and had to break it for this, but I want to do something.
As foolish as it sounds and my friends told me I shouldn’t but I want to get her a gift, some flowers, and I have letters I want to give her and give her the freedom of taking and reading them if she wants to, letters about my reflection of my mistakes and how much I want her back, what I want to change and etc. Things of that nature. And of course say things about my narcissism and that I’m working on it. She told me she misses the old me and I know that’s who I really am, I’d do anything to show her that. I was a selfless lover who truly loved her and I regret everything.
Should I give that to her? To clarify, I really don’t want anything from her at all. If anything it’s just an act of affection for damn near no reason and then the letters I hope she reads and understands that I want to change, whether she reconsiders the relationship or not. I’m going to keep no contact afterwards anyway..
But I’m on the fence about it because while I don’t think she’ll take it as a broken boundary, and I’m scared that she might just be waiting for me to show signs of change or effort or anything. I’m scared doing NOTHING is actually the wrong choice.
Any advice at all is appreciated. I really want things to work out with her, the problems in our relationship are being worked on, on my end and I’m taking responsibility for everything that happened, but I still want to make logical and respectful decisions. I just feel like this risk is worth it, I believe having loved over not loving at all is greater than not loving given the opportunity to..
Sorry for the Yapping session.
(P.S I’ve realized I get immature in these situations and I’m getting advice here to make sure I do the right thing because I want that to change too.)

For context of this review, please see: https://www.reddit.com/fragrance/s/J731kuykcC
Floral discovery set
2) Lan Hua
Notes: powdery violet leaf, galbanum; with white orchid, purple flowers, tonka bean and amber, anchored by sandalwood and musk
My review: So I googled and realised that Lan Hua is the Chinese name for magnolia in English. I have no idea how magnolia actually smells like because I have never seen it in real life. Or even if I have, I probably didn't notice it. Flowers are really not my thing.
According to some Chinese websites, Lan Hua is the shortened name of Mu Lan Hua, as in Mulan, the Disney chinese "princess warrior" who is an actual historical character known for pretending to be a man in order to save her elderly father from military conscription and certain death is named after the magnolia flower. It's kind of ironic because in chinese, the magnolia flower symbolises female beauty, wealth and honour. A cross-dressing FtM named after a flower that symbolises femininity tickles something inside me for some strange reason.
My first impression of the perfume when I sprayed this was, "okay... this is very chinese. It is indisputably chinese. It smells chinese. Why? What about it is so chinese to me?" Then I realised, every year, my family used to conduct certain rituals during a day called Ching ming jie, in English called: tomb sweeping day. We would go to the cemeteries of our grandparents to clean out their plaques or gravestones depending if they had been buried or cremated. We would bring these colourful flowers that were a mix of white, purple, yellow, orange that smelt delicate sweet and light, almost like jasmine. Lan Hua from olfac3 brought back those memories for me. Have you ever made a pot of Chinese jasmine tea? You put the flowers in, and then you pour hot water in. When the water goes in, a delicate light sweet scent is released. Lan Hua smells like that, with a few differences. First, there is definitely a tinge of creaminess similar to vanilla that is absent in delicate jasmine. The creaminess adds a touch of depth and elegance to the delicate light sweet floral. Second, I can definitely detect the warmth and sweetness of the Amber that grounds the delicate floral. Even though the notes list musk and sandalwood, I can barely detect any powderiness or wood in this particular perfume. This scent is nostalgic for me. It's 6am here now, so I have no one to get feedback on it from. But I will be very interested to show this to my Chinese friends and ask them how they feel about it later today.
For me, this is not a scent that I personally would wear. It's too orientally feminine, too delicate, too elegant and would not go with my berms, sneakers and dry fit shirts as I run around in rough developing areas planning logistics. But I could imagine a beautiful high class woman in a red cheongsam sitting in front of an ornate mirror, her hair all done up in a neat bun held together by one of those silver hair chopsticks, putting on her pearl earrings and getting ready to go to a ball or high tea. It smells of oriental feminine elegance. It is a lovely nostalgic scent for me in particular as a Chinese.
I honestly am tempted to send it away to someone random on reddit from another ethnicity, and ask them how they feel about it because this one brings up very strong emotions and memories for me. I would love to know how someone from a different culture perceives this particular scent, like would they see themselves wearing it? What images or feelings do they have when they sniff it? Is the oriental femininity just a prejudice of mine that comes from childhood experience or do ppl from different cultures feel the same way. I am going to the post office to see if I can send this tiny sample away if anyone here wants to try it and is willing to answer those questions i have above. I prefer the person getting the sample to not be east Asian, if that is alright? There are too many cultural similarities for someone East Asian to satisfy my curiosity. Let me know if you'd like the sample and of course, the condition is that you must write back and tell me what you think of it.

My mother had whipple surgery in 2018 and everything went well for about a year or two after that. Then about two years ago, she started feeling nauseous, not wanting to eat, and started dropping weight. She dropped down to 88 lbs when she had a J tube put in. None of her doctors can figure out what is making her drop weight or make her sick to her stomach. We got her up to over 100 lbs, but she would like to be able to eat food again. Does anyone have any ideas as to what the issue might bb or does this sound similar to something you know of or have heard of?

My bf and I met 5 years ago and were together for 3 years. It was a good relationship in the sense of we were calm, hardly escalated into arguments, free to be who we wanted, just growing together and had a real best friends dynamic. Never had connected with anyone in that same way. Then his bro unalived and it got hard and respectfully I could see another responsibility was not the best idea so we parted amicably but unexpectedly. I also didn't want to be with someone who pushed me away when things got hard even though i could understand where he was coming from and agreed it was right to part ways.
When we broke up though we were still sort of seeing each other but casually and it was a mistake, it soured the friendship and respect underlying. Basically it wasn't an attempt at getting back together but there was talk of a one day, but not anything we seriously contemplated. We definitely were not together. That was clear. He told me that his former ex gf, the one before me, her mum reached out after seeing the posts about his bro's funeral. They got chatting and tbe mum said her daughter, so his former ex, was sui*cidal and on illicit substances and she was worried essentially, which was the circs which his bro passed. He told me, I said if he wanted to save her go for it because i knew he had a saviour complex and that he blamed his bro's death on himself. But i said - don't blindside me. Anyway, I was on and off sleeping with him & other guys, and I asked him once to his face if he was sexual with her, he said no. Later to find out he was lying by going through his phone and he told me yes and it was complicated she was manipulative etc. I was mad, i cut him off.
Present time - in a weird twist of events i saw him at church and started talking and he'a doing a lot better. The topic of rekindling comes up and he says he should have been honest etc etc usual stuff. I wan to know details of how he felt about her, where how often, he tells me he does not want to answer because 1 it is traumatic for him and 2 as we were broken up i needed to know he lied and thats all. And that they are in no contact.
So the ball is in my court about letting him show his growth or leaving it in the past. Advice/thoughts.
Tldr: give ex a chance or not after lying when we broke up

CAPUT I
...
Know, therefore, that the purpose of this book is to describe the four kinds of spirit-men, namely, the water people, the mountain people, the fire people and the wind people. Included among these four kinds are the giants, the melusines, the Venusberg and what is similar to them.
...
How things are in relation to us will have to be described in the following order:
First, their creation and what they are;
second, their country and habitation, where they stay and what their mode of living is;
third, how they come to us and let themselves be seen, how they mix and have intercourse with us;
fourth, how they perform some miraculous works, such as Melusine, the Venusberg and similar stories;
fifth, the birth of the giants and their origin, and also their vanishing and return.
...
CAPUT SECUNDUM
...
The flesh must be understood thus that there are two: the flesh from Adam and that which is not from Adam. The flesh from Adam is a coarse flesh, for it is earthen and is nothing else but a flesh that can be bound and grasped like wood or a stone. The other flesh which is not from Adam, is a subtile flesh and can not be bound nor grasped, for it is not made from earth. Now, the flesh from Adam is the man from Adam. He is coarse like the earth which is compact. And, therefore, man cannot go through a wall. He must make a hole to slip through, because nothing recedes before him.
But before the flesh that is not from Adam, walls recede, which means that such flesh does not require doors nor holes; it goes through intact walls and does not break anything. They are both flesh, blood, bone and so on, whatever belongs to a man, and in their whole nature they are like man’s. But they are different in that they have a double origin like two cousins; they are in equal way like a spirit and like man. The spirit goes through all walls and nothing locks him out; man, however, not, for he is locked out by the bolt or the lock.
...
With all this, they bear children, talk and eat, drink and walk—things that spirits do not. Hence, they are like the spirits in speed, like man in gestures, figure and eating, and so they are people who have the character of spirits and also that of man, and both are one in them. Although they are both spirit and man, yet they are neither one nor the other. They cannot be men, since they are spiritlike in their behaviour. They cannot be spirits, since they eat and drink, have blood and flesh. Therefore, they are a creation of their own, outside the two,... It must be understood further that although they are spirit and man, yet they are neither. Man has a soul, the spirit not. The spirit has no soul, but man has one. This creature, however, is both, but has no soul, and yet is not identical with a spirit. For, the spirit does not die, but this creature dies. And so it is not like man, it has not the soul; it is a beast, yet higher than a beast.
...
Now, they are separated from us because they are not from Adam and do not participate in the same earth from which Adam was made, but God has decreed that we may see them miraculously, which has a particular meaning, as will be discussed in the last treatise. They have children and their children are their kind, not ours. They are witty, rich, clever, poor, dumb like we who are from Adam. They resemble us in every way. Just as one says: man is the image of God, that is, he has been made after his image—in the same way one can also say: these people are the image of man and made after his image.
...
And so they are men and people, die with the beasts, walk with the spirits, eat and drink with men. That is: like the beasts they die, so that nothing is left; and neither water nor fire harms them, like the spirits, and nobody can lock them up, like the spirits, but they reproduce like men and therewith share his nature. They have man’s diseases and his health but their medicine is not from the earth from which man is made, but from the element in which they live. They die like men, but are dead like the beasts. Their flesh rots like other flesh and their bones like other men’s bones and nothing remains of it. Their customs and behaviour are human, as is their way of talking, with all virtues, better and coarser, more subtile and rougher. The same applies to their figures : they are very different, like men. In food they are like men, eat and enjoy the product of their labor, spin and weave their own clothing. They know how to make use of things, have wisdom to govern, justice to preserve and protect. For although they are beasts, they have all the reason of man, except the soul.
...
TRACTATUS II - ABOUT THEIR ABODE
...
Their abode is of four kinds, namely, according to the four elements : one in the water, one in the air, one in the earth, one in the fire. Those in the water are nymphs, those in the air are sylphs, those in the earth are pygmies, those in the fire salamanders. These are not good names, but I use them nevertheless.
...
The name of the water people is also undina, and of the air people sylvestres, and of the mountain people gnomi, and of the fire people vulcani rather than salamandri.
...
Now you must know that if their regions have to be described, they must be divided into their parts. For the water people have no intercourse with the mountain people, nor the mountain people with them, nor the salamanders.
...
The undinae have their abode in water, and the water is given to them as to us the air, and just as we are astonished that they should live in water, they are astonished about our being in the air. The same applies to the gnomi in the mountains: the earth is their air and is their chaos. For everything lives in chaos, that is: everything has its abode in chaos, walks and stands therein. Now, the earth is not more than mere chaos to the mountain manikins. For they walk through solid walls, through rocks and stones, like a spirit; this is why these things are all mere chaos to them, that is, nothing. That amounts to: as little as we are hampered by the air, as little are they hampered by the mountain, by earth and rocks.
...
Since water is the fish’s air, the fish does not drown, and so the unda does not drown either. As in the water, so in the earth: the earth is air to the gnomi; hence they do not suffocate. They do not require our air, we do not theirs. Thus also with the salamanders: fire is their air, as our air our air is. And the sylvestres are closest to us, for they too maintain themselves in our air, and they are exposed to the same kind of death as we, namely: they burn in fire, and we too; they drown in water, and we too; they suffocate in the earth, and we too. For, each remains healthy in his chaos; in the others he dies.
...
Let us philosophize further, about their food ... The sylphs are like men, nourish themselves like men in the wilderness, on herbs in the woods. To the salamanders the soil is earth, their heaven is the air, and fire their chaos. Thus food grows to them from the earth and from fire, and the constellation from air is their heaven.
...
About their clothing: they are clothed and cover their genitalia, but not in the way of our world, in their own way. For they have modesty and similar qualities, as men must have, have law and similar institutions, have their authorities, [etc.] ... To the beasts clothing is inborn by nature, but not to these people. To them nothing is inborn by nature; they must work for it like man whom they resemble. Their work, like man’s work, is in the nature and kind of their own world and earth on which they live.
...
**About their figures, know that they are different. The water people look like men, both women and men. The sylvestres do not conform, but are cruder, coarser, longer and stronger than both. The mountain people are small, of about two spans. The salamanders are long, narrow and lean. Their place and abode are in their chaos, as was mentioned before. The nymphs live in water, in running brooks, etc., so close that they grasp the people who ride through or bathe therein. The mountain people are in the mountain chaos, and there they build their houses. This is why it often happens that one finds in the earth an attic, vaults, and similar structures, of the height of about a yard. They have been build by these people for their abode and dwellings.
The water people do the same in their various places. Know also that the mountain people live in the caves of the mountains and this is why strange structures occur and are found in such places. These are their work. Know also about the fire people whose yelling, hammering and working can be heard in volcanic mountains. It can also be heard when the elements are incinerated. For all these things are the same as with us, but according to their secret quality. Those who travel through wild regions learn the reason for such beings and obtain information. There these beings are found. In the mines also, close to good ore, etc. they are found, and in waters the same also, and the vulcans near the Aetna. And there are many more marvellous things, about their coins, payments and customs, which would be too long in this connection, but will be described in their place.**
TRACTATUS III - HOW THEY COME TO US AND BECOME VISIBLE TO US
All that God has created, he reveals to man and lets come before him, so that man has and attains knowledge of all happenings of the creatures.
...
And in order that we may have a good knowledge of things, the water people have not only been truly seen by man, but have married him and have born him children. Thus also, the mountain people have not only been seen, but people saw them, and talked to them, and received money from them and blows and similar things. The same happened with the forest people, as was mentioned before, the people saw them and dealt and walked with them. Thus also, with the vulcans, who also, as mentioned before, appeared to man, and revealed themselves essentially, who they were and what had to be understood of them all.
...
The nymphs, namely, become apparent to us, but not we to them, except in what they tell about us in their world, as a pilgrim would, who had been in foreign lands. They do not need such rapture, the way the mountain people enrapture us, or the water people. For they have no power over man, and their world is not such that they could adopt us. Man is not subtile in body, but coarse in body and subtile in chaos, while it is the contrary with them. Therefore, they can well stand our chaos, but not we theirs. Their element also is in itself their chaos, which to us may not be chaos. Thus they appear to us, stay with us, marry with us, die with us, and also bear children.
...
This happens with the water people. They come out of their waters to us, make themselves known, act and deal with us, go back to their water, come again—all this to allow man the contemplation of the divine works. Now, they are men, but on the animal side alone, without the soul. From this it follows that they marry men. A water woman takes a man from Adam, and keeps house for him, and gives birth to children. Of the children, we know that they follow after the father. Because the father is a man from Adam, a soul is given to the child, and it becomes like a regular man, who has an eternal soul. ... Just as the condition of these people is, when they are in union with man, so is the condition of man, when he is in union with God.
From this it follows that they woo man, and that they seek him assiduously and in secret. ... they seek love with man, so as to be in union with men. With them all intelligence and wisdom are outside the qualities of the soul, and not the soul.
...
One must also know that not all of them may be married to us. The water people come first; they are the closest to us. Next after them come the forest people, then the mountain and earth manikins who, however, rarely marry humans and are only obliged to serve them. The vulcans never attempt to enter into union with humans, and yet are apt to serve them. Know also that two of them, namely the earth manikins and vulcans, are considered spirits and not creatures, being looked upon as a mirage only, or as ghosts. You must know, however, that just as they appear, thus they are, flesh and blood like another man, and with that, quick and fast like a spirit, as was told in the beginning. They also know all future affairs, present affairs and the past, which are not apparent but are hidden. In that they can serve man, protect, warn, guide him, and such like. For they have reason in common with man (except in regard to the soul). They have knowledge and intelligence of the spirit (except in regard to God). Thus they are highly gifted, and they know and warn, so that man may learn about such things, and see them, and believe in such creatures.
...
It is said of the nymphs, that they come to us from the water, and sit on the banks of the brooks where they have their abode, where they are seen, taken also, caught, and married, as we said before. The forest people, however, are coarser than they. They do not talk, that is, they cannot talk although they have tongues and enough of all that is needed for speech. In this point they differ from the nymphs, for the nymphs can speak in the languages of the countries; the forest people, however, cannot but they learn easily.
The mountain manikins are endowed with speech like the nymphs, and the vulcans speak nothing, yet they can speak but roughly and rarely. The nymphs appear, as was said before, in human clothing, with human features and desires. The forest people are like men, but shy and fugitive. The mountain people are like men, not tall, short; sometimes they reach about half the size of man or so, sometimes more. Thus and in the same way, the vulcans appear, fiery, and fire is all over their features and clothing.
They are the ones of whom one says: a fire man or spirit is going through the house; there goes a burning soul, etc. It often happens that such figures are seen. They also are the flames that are frequently observed as glowing lights in meadows and fields, running through each other and towards each other. These are the vulcans, but they are not found living with man, on account of their fire. They are often found with old women, however, that is, with witches, wooing them.
...
You must know, however, that there is danger with the fire people, because they are commonly possessed, and the devil thus rages in them, which causes great harm to man. Know also that he equally takes possession of the mountain people and thus makes them subservient to him, and of the forest people also. He then can be found in the forest possessing sylphs and venturing to make love to women who live in forest regions. But they all become like lepers, scabby and mangy, and there is no help for them either.
When these beings are not possessed by the devil they are human and seek union as has been mentioned. But they keep the way of spirits, in that they disappear. One who has a nymph for a wife, should not let her get close to any water, or at least should not offend her while they are on water. And one who has a mountain manikin with him, should not offend him, particularly not at places where they get lost. But they are so much obliged to man and so closely bound to him, that they cannot get away from him, unless there is a reason for it, and this happens at the place from which they come. If one has a wife, she does not get away from him, unless she is provoked while they are on water. Otherwise she will not disappear and can be held. The mountain manikins also must keep their pledges, when they are in service and have been pledged.
But obligations to them must be kept also, in all that is due to them. If duties are kept as should be, they are honest, constant, and intent on their work. And one must know that they are particularly loyal to man and much inclined to spending money. For, the mountain people have money, because they themselves coin it. This is how it must be understood. What a spirit wishes to have, he has, and their wishing and desiring is thus: when a mountain manikin wishes or desires a sum of money, if there is need for it, he has it, and it is good money. Thus they give money to many people in the galleries of mountains, to make them get away; they buy them off. All this is divine order— that they thus appear to us and that we see what is incredible to tell. Man is the most earthbound of all creatures. What he must have and wants, he must make for himself, and he obtains nothing by wishing and desiring it. But those people have what they need and desire, and man does nothing for it. They have it without work.
TRACTATUS IV
As we came to the end of the treatise, we had sufficiently discussed the necessities of these beings, and how they come to man. You must now, furthermore, know about their disappearance from man, and about their doings with us, with many such tales and stories that have happened with them, in many queer ways.
...
It also happens that sirens are born. They are water women too, but live more on the water than in it. They are not split like fish, but are more like a virgin, yet their form is not quite that of a woman. They bear no children but are monsters, just as a strange human being can be born from two normal parents. I would like to put it thus: the water people reproduce themselves like humans, but when it happens that they produce a monster, these monsters are sirens that swim on the water, for they repudiate them and do not keep them. This is why they occur in many forms and figures, as it happens and is the case with all monsters.
Thus we marvel not only at the water people but also at the sirens, who have many strange features and are very different from people. Some can sing, some can whistle with reeds, some can do this and that. Monks are also born from nymphs, that is, a monster which is shaped just like a monk. This you must know, namely, that such growths that are comparable to men and are found in some places, come from men, that is, they come from water people, earth manikins and similar beings.
...
To continue the discussion of these beings, know that such people also convene and assemble in one place, where they may live together and seek intercourse with man, for they love him. ... There are more women than men in such groups, few men, many women; hence they are after men whenever they have a chance. From such people a group originated that is called the Venusberg. It consists of nothing else but a kind of nymphs, thrown together in a cave and hole of their world, yet not in their own chaos, in man’s chaos, but in their regionibus. Know about them that they reach a very old age, but you cannot notice it, because their appearance remains the same from beginning to end, and they die unchanged. Venus was a nymph and undine who excelled others and reigned for a long time, but she died and the succeeding Venus was not as endowed as she had been. She died in the course of time and her kingdom vanished. There are many tales about her.
...
There is a story about a different beginning. It tells of a queen who resided there and sank into the earth. It was a water woman who resided there. She went into the mountain, under the pond that was above her, in her region. There she took her abode, and for making love, she built a gallery, for her to get to the lads and they to her. Such strange things happened there that nobody was able to report about these beings, what they were or where they were from, until it came to an end. It is quite possible that this could happen again should another nymph come, equal to her.
...
There is also a true story of the nymph in Staufenberg who sat on the road in all her beauty and served the lord she had chosen. ... Our nymph was a water woman. She promised herself to von Staufenberg and stayed also with him, until he married another wife, and took her for a devil. Taking her for a devil and considering her such, he married another woman and thus broke his promise to her. Therefore, at the wedding, she gave him the sign, through the ceiling, during the banquet, and three days later, he was dead.
...
We must pay equally great attention to Melusine, for she was not what the theologians considered her, but a nympha. It is true, however, that she was possessed by the evil spirit, of which she would have freed herself if she had stayed with her husband to the end. For such is the devil that he transforms these beings into different shapes, as he also does with the witches, transforming them into cats and werewolves, dogs, etc. This happened to her also, for she never was free of witchcraft but had a part in it. A superstitious belief resulted, that on Saturdays she had to be a serpent. This was her pledge to the devil for his helping her in getting a man. Otherwise, she was a nympha, with flesh and blood, fertile and well built to have children. She came from the nymphs to the humans on earth and lived there. But then, as superstitio seduces and vexes all beings, she went away from her people in her superstitious belief, to the places where the seduced people come who are bewitched in superstitionibus and spell-bound. Mind you, she remained the same serpent to the end of her life, and God knows how long it lasted.
...
TRACTATUS V - DE GIGANTIBUS - On Giants
You must know further that there are two more kinds that belong to the kind of nymphs and pygmies, namely, the giants and dwarfs, who are not born from Adam. Although it is a fact that Saint Christopher was a giant, yet he took birth from human seed, and hence we shall not write about him. But we shall write about the other giants, referred to in the stories of Bern, Sigenott, Hiltbrant, Dittrich, etc., also about the dwarf Laurin and others. Such stories are frequently rejected, but you must know that the same people who reject them, reject also much more important truth.
...
To come to an end, know that such people, giants and dwarfs, may well make women from Adam pregnant, because same likes to meet same, and nature may permit it. Yet you must know that the monsters are not fertile, although they are monsters only so far as their strength and size is concerned; they are not misbuilt. But they have only one seed available, that is, they do not attain the third, fourth, etc. generation. Know also that when they get into man’s kind, the result is uncertain. If the child’s body takes after the mother it falls into her kind; if not, it becomes a beast like the father. It is not possible for it to become a mixed being because the seed of one of the two always prevails. It happens otherwise that both become one seed, but here not. And if it were one seed it would have to be qualified by the one partner who gives the soul. More is said about this subject in other philosophical treatises, and there is no need to tell it here. Their kind, however, has died out and they have left no descendants to replace them.
TRACTATUS VI - ON THE CAUSES OF SUCH CREATURES
Now that we must reflect in terms of natural philosophy about the causes of these creatures we must remember the facts, all the points, many of which have been discussed in the previous treatises. We need not repeat them here. Further causes that may be explored are these: namely, that God has set guardians over nature, for all things, and he left nothing unguarded.
Thus gnomes, pygmies and mami guard the treasures of the earth, the metals and similar treasures. Where they are, there are tremendous treasures, in tremendous quantities. They are guarded by such people, are kept hidden and secret so that they may not be found until the time for it has come. When they are found, people say: in times-of old there used to be mountain manikins, earth people here, but now they are gone. This means that now the time has come for the treasures to be revealed. The treasures of the earth are distributed in such a way that the metals, silver, gold, iron, etc., have been found from the beginning of the world on, and are being discovered by and by.
...
[Now of] the fire people. They too are guardians, of the fireplaces, in which they live. In these places the treasures, that others guard, are forged, prepared, made ready. When the fire is extinguished, it is the earth manikins’ turn to be on guard. And after the earth manikins’ guard, the treasures are revealed. It is the same with the air people. They guard the rocks that lie on the surface, that have been made by the fire people, and put at the place where they belong, from where they get into man’s hands. They guard them so long, until the time has come. Wherever there are treasures, such people are on hand. These are hidden treasures that must not be revealed yet.
...
The nymphs in the water are guardians of the great water treasures, that lie in the sea and other waters, that have also been melted and forged by the fire people. It is, therefore, commonly understood that where nymphs are, there are considerable treasures and minerals and similar matters which they guard. This is apparent in many ways.
...
The cause of the sirens, giants, dwarfs, also of the will-o’the-wisps, who are monsters of the fire people, is that they predict and indicate something new. They are not on guard, but signify that misfortune is threatening people. ... when this is going to happen, signs occur. These beings are such signs, as has been said, but not they alone; there are many more. You must know that the signs change each time. They do not appear in one way, but are hidden to our eyes.
And, finally, the last cause is unknown to us. But when the end of the world will come close, then all things will be revealed, from the smallest to the largest, from the first to the last, what everything has been and is, why it stood there and left, from what causes, and what its meaning was. And everything that is in the world will be disclosed and come to light. Then the fake scholars will be exposed, those who are highly learned in name only but know nothing by experience. Then, the thorough scholars and those who are mere talkers will be recognized for what they are, those who wrote truthfully and those who traded in lies, the thorough and the shallow ones. And to each will be measured according to his diligence, earnest endeavor and truth. At that place, not everyone will be or remain a master, or even a doctor, because there the tares will be separated from the wheat and the straw from the grain. He who now cries, will be quieted, and he who now counts the pages, will have his quills taken away. And all things will be revealed before the Day of Judgment breaks, order that it be found of all scholars, from the past to that very day, who had knowledge and who not, whose writings were right and whose wrong. Now, in my time, this is still unknown. Blessed will be the people, in those days, whose intelligence will be revealed, for what they produced will be revealed to all the people as if it were written on their foreheads. For that time I also recommend my writings for judgment, asking that nothing be withheld. Thus it will be, for God makes the light manifest, that is, everyone will see how it has shone.

Many moons ago I fell deeply in love with Twin Peaks, David Lynch, and everything surrounding it. Presented today on the 7^th anniversary of the premiere date of Twin Peaks: The Return, is an interview with the actress and homeowner of the Palmer house who graciously gave her time to answer some fan questions that have been haunting us for years.
Journey with me to find out some answers you wanted, some you didn’t know you wanted, and some you can’t believe you lived without knowing including how to tour the Palmer home yourself!
Questions by Luke Sweeting
Luke: How were you approached to be an actress in The Return?
Mary: I was standing in the kitchen making sure there were enough donuts and coffee for the few key people DL (David Lynch) brought with him on 2nd of 3 visits before filming, which was the 4th visit. DL came into the kitchen by himself and said, Mary, are you an actress, and I said No. He then said, “Have you ever acted?” I said I hadn't. He then asked, would you like to have a small part in the movie? I said, “Sure”, but was nervous and excited at the thought. He said that it wasn't for sure but that if it did move forward, I would be in my own home and to act naturally, in other words, just be me. He has been watching me interact with some of the people he had brought. I heard he does like to observe people and get a feel for how they interact, look and sound. It is key to him that the person fit the character he is trying to create. He said if it did happen, I would get my script and go to hair and make up with the other actors. He was already trying to make me feel comfortable right there on the spot which I found very empathetic of him.


Luke: Had you ever acted before?
Mary: I really had not acted before other than a few commercials for the local TV station I worked for back in the day, but never a speaking part. I looked at it as definitely out of my comfort zone but who would turn down this opportunity? It was also therapeutic as I was going through a very trying time in life, so it was good to channel those feelings into doing something fun.

Luke: Has anyone recognized you in public yet? If so, do they call you Mrs. Tremond or Chalfont?
Mary: I have been recognized a few times which is funny but kind of cool at the same time. I was called Mrs. Tremond, which made me laugh. That is also on my license plate; I had to take advantage of that:)

Luke: (I know this answer, but I feel people would love to know the answer too) Was being a David Lynch fan the reason you bought the house, or was this just a happy accident?
Mary: I knew about Twin Peaks and about DL before buying the house. It is not why my ex, and I purchased the house in September 2014. It needed a lot of work at the time. The previous owner we purchased it from was the woman who lived here the first time around when Twin Peaks was filmed here. That is quite a story in itself, and I really wanted to sit with her afterward and chat with her about it, but she passed a few months after purchase.

Luke: Was there ever a culture shock moment of realizing you bought THE Palmer house, or did that happen after The Return finished airing?
Mary: This house was our first home purchase and we moved to Everett because of the history, great old historic homes and how much more house we could get up here. This area of Rucker Hill has some great history and amazing houses. The man who built this house was one of the first pitchers for Seattle baseball. We heard rumblings of Twin Peaks returning but it was around 2 months after moving in that we were away for a bit and came home to a notice at the door from the location scout asking us to call him right away as they wanted to do a film here. It was a mystery as to what it would be, but we felt it was going to be Twin Peaks. The whole filming process, when our parts were going to be aired and everything about the Return was a mystery. They actually filmed the Finale at the very beginning, so I had no clue where it was going to fit into the whole Film. Filming was an amazing experience. They were here for approximately 2 weeks preparing the home for both the Hawk/Sarah scene and the Finale. It wasn't until the Finale was aired that I realized how cool this experience was in the whole scheme of things and the impact in the Return itself. I wish I could relax a bit more and soak it in again, just to relive the experience and really study the process. Each person here was so professional and fun to watch do their work with such expertise. I couldn't have asked for friendlier people.

Luke: How has the fandom treated you?
Mary: The fans are incredible. They have been extremely kind to me. They are great gift givers and just very authentic and genuine folks in love with Twin Peaks. I didn't realize how intense these fans were, but I truly get it. There is nothing like this ever made before and it set the stage for a lot of other great TV and film. The fans have been awesome and I have many great friends from this experience.

Luke: Is there anything you wish fans wouldn’t do?
Mary: The only thing I wish for fans is that they don't just walk up to the door at various hours of the day and night. It is private property and not a public place for people to peek in windows and walk the grounds. There have only been a few that have done this; the majority is very respectful to me and my home.

Luke: Is it ever scary to sleep in the proverbial Palmer house? Are there ever guests who stay over and become a little nervous?
Mary: I am not afraid in the least to stay here. I was a tad apprehensive when we first bought it, but like the lady who lived here before would say, "this is just my house." Now a few of the guests who have stayed, they were a bit nervous to sleep in Laura's room, but that may be because I have a life-sized Bob mannequin in the closet:)

Luke: I know that you’re gracious enough to let guests visit this mecca of ours, could you tell me and anyone interested about how and when to properly ask to visit? (You could also mention your favorite flowers or favorite wine? I know I’d feel bad showing up empty handed)

Mary: I prefer people get a hold of me on Messenger or IG or Twitter and ask to see the house, so I can make an appointment for them, especially since Everett is not that close to North Bend and Snoqualmie. I do now charge $25 for a 30-45 minute tour as I have done quite a few. I do love flowers and red wine. I have received some very incredible gifts from some fans which I am forever grateful for. The fans are so very thoughtful, and I have a little spot in my Palmer dining room where I proudly display some of the gifts and artwork.

Luke: I understand if you don’t want to answer this one. What does your role in Twin Peaks mean to you? To us fans I feel like it was the perfect subversion of expectations while also being incredibly meta.
Mary: There are 2 questions I can't answer and one of them is expanding on my character. I do, however, think it is cool to be an infamous Tremond!

Luke: How does it feel to be appreciated as a part of a now 30-year-old piece of media that will last forever and has influenced kids like me to make careers in film?
Mary: It is very humbling to be part of the TP mystique and genre. I am blessed and love being able to share a piece of it with fans who have never been able to see the Palmer House. The responses of people who visit is my gift. I love seeing their excitement and joy at walking through my door and each and every person is a joy for me. I have made great friends, learned wonderful theories and have listed to some reveal trauma in their own lives, which invites me into some very private parts of their lives. It has been a life changing experience for me, and I hope it has been for them as well.

Luke: Finally, what was it like working with David? Are there any fun tidbits or stories of how he directed you / that wonderfully haunting scene burned into our memories forever?


Mary: Working with DL was an incredible experience to say the least and very humbling and rewarding. He is a master filmmaker and director. The gift he gives is what we as individual viewers choose to take away from his art.

He is a wonderful director in that he ceases to tell you how to act, rather use your raw and organic natural emotions to drive the performance. I believe he knew I was going to be a bit anxious and guarded and most of all a bit nervous, which worked well for answering the door at night to 2 strangers. He tweaked a bit but left us to the scene and frankly Kyle and Sheryl would make most people look good. We only had 2 takes which was great. We practiced a bit outside before the scene which helped. Also meeting Kyle and Sheryl in hair and makeup was an introduction to them both that was organic and for me very helpful. I felt like I was acting already with 2 friends. DL and Kyle and Sheryl were very encouraging. DL knows what he wants and how to transfer his ideas out in the scene with great kindness and finesse and humor.

Luke: I’m sorry but I have to ask. Any hints to what was being spoken to you behind that menacing white door?
Mary: There were no hints of who was behind door other than me calling him Honey. He was supposedly answering my questions and then I was relaying answers to Kyle and Sheryl.

My surgeon told me 4 weeks till weightlifting again, 3 weeks till cardio. Just wondering how people went back into weight lifting after they were cleared to do so, x% of pre-surgery weights, etc. And how long it took them to return to prior weights Also I do a lot of weighted chin ups and dips and was wondering if anyone had experience getting back into them after, thank you.

So I’ve been struggling with what I thought was acid reflux. I’ve been trying to modify my eating habits, stop smoking, cutting back on my diet sodas, trying to do a seed oil free diet when cooking at home, taking melatonin before bedtime, and drinking plenty of water, taking vitamin C, and trying to not eat spicy food or fast food. Then I thought I had a dairy allergy because every time I ate ice cream or drank milk or ate pizza, I felt like I was going to pass out from being dizzy, and lightheaded. I started avoiding dairy. Well then I had an idea today, since I was avoiding dairy, and also had acid reflux, I’ll just take some tums to help with the acid reflux after lunch. I take the tums and everything got 10x worse with lightheadedness and feeling dizzy, almost like in a state of confusion or not knowing what’s going on or being aware of things around me. I’ve felt spacey, lightheaded, and anxious. Well this happened to me the other day and I thought it was acid reflux, but the other day I had taken calcium citrate for similar reasons (not eating dairy so figured I could use some calcium) and gotten a very similar result, so lightheaded like I was gonna pass out and a super spacey feeling all over my body. Could this happen because of a calcium intolerance? Or maybe too much calcium or too little? Why would calcium make me feel so weird?

Okay, so for this post there are a lot of people involved (this has been going on for a while) so I'll list up here who's who. This is my wife's family. I'll be using code names when appropriate:
Father-in-law - FIL
Mother-in-law - MIL
Wife(oldest daughter) - Wife
Second daughter - Sarah
Third daughter - Lana
Fourth daughter - Ruth
Second daughter's husband - BIL
Third daughter's fiancee - Karl
My daughter - daughter
Second daughter's older son - Danny
Second daughter's younger son - Aaron
And me as me
I know this is long but bear with me TL;DR Brother-in-law has snapped the last straw for the family and we are all starting to cut ties with him

 BIL's family has their own side of the story that I'm barely familiar with, so it won't be brought up here. We first met BIL way before they got together; Sarah bought a house as a group of friends with her boyfriend at the time, and BIL and his second wife at the time. We didn't interact with him much. We just heard a few stories about him from their friend group. Eventually this situation broke down and BIL and his second wife left and vandalized Sarah's home on the way out. They let their dogs poop all over the floor, stole some miscellaneous items, poured water in their lawn mower gas tank, etc. He did this to Sarah, his future third wife. We thought this guy was out of our lives forever. Sarah eventually came to stay on my couch after she sold the house. She lived with me and my wife for roughly 3 months. Then she went and rented an apartment a few miles away. No sooner than a few weeks did we find out she was dating future BIL, and a few weeks after that we found she was pregnant. He met the family and stated that he wanted to be a part of it. He blamed all his past transgressions on his second wife. We questioned him at the time if he was still with his second wife. He said no, and that he was officially divorced. My wife looked up the public court records and found out that he didn't file divorce papers until 11 days after we asked that question. A small lie but considering our history of knowing him it was concerning. BIL is a big gun enthusiast. About 1 months after they told us Sarah was pregnant, while cleaning a gun at home he shot himself in the hand. Again, we were concerned but Sarah assured us he was a changed man and this was just an unfortunate accident. His hand healed but he didn't do his physical therapy that seriously so his hand is still kind of jacked up. I feel this is important because he kind of has a history of not following through on what he says. During Sarah's pregnancy we found out that BIL seriously beat one of their dogs back when they bought the house together. We also figured out he diagnosed himself with bipolar, but refused to go to a doctor to get an actual diagnosis. The whole family at the time was distracted by all of this because during Sarah's pregnancy my wife went through a major medical struggle that resulted in multiple surgeries and a months-long stay in the hospital. We were so focused on that the BIL details just kind of came and went at that moment. Sarah gave birth to Danny during COVID lockdown. We were so excited and we all were very active in Danny's life. Time would pass and we just kind of got used to BIL being despite the fact that he often would miss family events. BIL and Sarah would move into a house on my in-laws property just down the road from in-laws house. MIL became their primary caregiver as she could work it around her job and still make decent money. As 4 years have passed my MIL, FIL, Lana, my Wife and I all take shifts of watching their now 2 kids for them, for free. MIL also watches my daughter but significantly less that their son's. 2 years would pass after Danny was born and everything seemed OK. There would just be hints in they way he talked about who he really was. He would say something in casual conversation like "man, there seems like there are too many black people in commercials these days" or "I don't know why we are forcing women's sports to be a thing." Bigoted stuff like that, but veiled enough so there was plausible deniability. I would often call him out on it, so he really grew to not like me. This all changed at his 30th bday. He had a big party with a lot of alcohol and weed with dozens of friends. My wife and I didn't go because we are not party people. Lana and Ruth went to the party. Sarah was also there. During this party BIL went outside and decided to "mud" his jeep through the creek beside their house. This was possibly with Karl but I'm not sure of that to this day. Karl has recently come into the picture prior to this event and was previously friends with BIL for a long time. The jeep got stuck and flooded for obvious reasons. After trying to get it out of the creek by multiple means, they gave up and left it there. I believe it took almost 2 days to get it out. He went back to the party and as everyone got progressively drunk and high, my 2 sister-in-laws Lana and Ruth (I believe) criticized BIL for getting his car stuck in a creek while playing. BIL verbally assaulted them and demanded they get out of his house. They left in tears. They drove separately, and Lana had gotten buzzed so they both got in Ruth's car and drove to my house. They sat and vented to my wife and I for a while, and eventually I offered that we should go do something fun to take their minds off of it. My wife and I drove them to Taco Bell and we got some food and drove around town for a while and made jokes in the car. After they cooled off and were in a better mood they said that Lana needed to go get her car from the party. In a flurry she accidentally left her keys inside her sister's and BIL's house. We drove them over just in case anything sketchy happened but Lana and Ruth didn't want us to go inside, so we waited out in the car. She didn't think it would be a big deal to walk in, but as her and Ruth did BIL immediately got in her face and demanding she gets out or else. Ruth went to talk to someone else at the party and didn't notice this at first. BIL shoved Lana against a wall and held her there. Everyone apparently stood in stunned silence as this happened. He then shoved her to the ground, grabbed her around the ankles and started pulling her across the floor. As he was threatening to do even worse, Ruth ran up and jumped on his back and gave him a head lock. She screamed at him to stop but before BIL could anything about this everyone finally woke up and pulled them apart. Ruth helped Lana up and they ran out of the house onto the front porch sobbing. My wife saw this and got out of the car and yelled at them to get back in our car. We drove up to the in-laws house. By then it was past midnight. MIL was about an hour away working her job and FIL was up in his room asleep. The sisters went and woke him up and explained the situation through tears. They also called MIL to inform her of the situation. He got ready and ask me to go with him down to the house to get some answers. The sisters stayed up at the house. We drove down in his car and when we got out the entire party was ready for us and greeted us at the car. Literally over a dozen people, most of whom I did not recognize started screaming what happened at both of us simultaneously. Everyone was clearly very drunk. FIL looked overwhelmed, so I raised my hands and tried asking everyone to stop for a second and go one by one telling their bit of the story. BIL stopped me mid sentence and pointed his finger in my face. I noticed he had his other hand on a holstered hand gun. He yelled out "You don't have a say here! You're barely even part of this family." For context, I had been with my wife for over 11 years at that time and he hadn't even married Sarah yet and had been there about 2 1/2 years. FIL backed up and told me that I need to stop talking and that I was being a problem. I backed off and went over the yard to Sarah and Karl. I asked Sarah what happened and she told me that she didn't see what happened and that she wasn't very aware of what was going on now. Karl would barely answer the same question. I walked back over to FIL but he told me to back off and that I really wasn't needed there. Admittedly I felt pretty insulted and just decided to walk back to his house and get my car and go home with my wife. We eventually left after FIL came back to the house. We found out later that BIL had pulled his gun out and threatened to kill himself if FIL didn't leave. Out of fear of what he would do, my in-laws were pretty afraid to take action at this point. A lot of the situation was his word against someone else's and Sarah went on a tour around to the friends and convinced them not to take any of this to the police. She then tried to smooth things over with the family and offered that BIL would apologize to everyone. He then refused, stating that Ruth was the real aggressor and that she assaulted him. He eventually agreed to apologize to just FIL for causing a problem and I think some half-hearted apologies to Lana and Ruth. The whole situation was swept under the rug but an unease has existed over the family since then. He stopped coming to family events pretty much altogether. About 4 months after this situation, prior to my daughter being born, he told MIL he was going to bring Danny up to their house so she could watch him for a few hours while he took a nap. His job works long hours so this wasn't out of the ordinary. However, he didn't show up for a while and my MIL started questioning what going on. She called but there was no answer. She drove down to his house and knocked but there wasn't an answer, only Danny crying in the background. She let herself in and found BIL asleep on the couch with Danny actively trying to wake him up. MIL tried to wake him up but nothing for a few minutes. She gave up and wrote a note to let him know where Danny was. BIL didn't notice Danny was gone for 2 hours. He finally woke up, drove up to in-laws house, and yelled at my MIL for just taking Danny without informing him. He took Danny and then left. A few months after that, after my daughter was born, He fell asleep while watching Danny again. This time we found out because when he woke up the front door was open and Danny was gone. He called in-laws for help finding him. My in-laws have a large property (about 200 acres) with a ton of it forested. Danny wandered 1/4 of a mile into the woods and I believe it took roughly a little over an hour to find him. Family questioned him hard this time but he just recoiled back into their house and didn't talk to us much. Sarah continued to defend him and said it was just an accident. Again the police were not notified about any of this. There was always this idea that if we went to authorities about any of this they would just run for it. They would then surprise everyone with the news that they were pregnant again, despite the fact that Sarah had used the morning after pill. This whole time they hadn't married yet. They announced that they were getting married but Sarah told Lana that it was mostly just to help BIL not have to go through bankruptcy a second time. I wasn't sure if this would do anything to help that situation, but that's what Sarah said at one point leading up to the wedding. About a month before the wedding, however, he threatened Sarah that if she insisted on inviting my wife to the wedding he would demand to invite a friend of his that Sarah hated. This friend also used to date BIL I believe. This was his ploy to force Sarah to not invite my Wife or me. The 2 other sisters and MIL all stood in solidarity with us and said that they would also not go if we weren't invited. He eventually relented and they got married a little before Aaron was born. As more kids were added, MIL's childcare duties got much harder. Eventually my wife and I started paying her (not much but something at least. $150 a month) to watch our daughter, but we also did chores for her, bought her food often, and eventually my Wife started taking a few shifts to watch all 3 children. To date, BIL and Sarah have never compensated any of us for our work. It's a little frustrating but we've tried to understand because Sarah and BIL seem to be bad with money. They objectively make more than us yet can't afford to pay MIL anything. Last Thanksgiving, in the middle of dinner, Sarah and BIL decided to have an "intervention" and talk about how we were not treating BIL fairly. They addressed everybody but really honed in on me specifically. This seemed to be because the rest of the family kind of dance in eggshells around them, while to be frank I'm pretty honest about how I feel about them. They seemed to think I was causing the family to turn against him and questioned why I would do that. I told him he lacked humility. He said he didn't understand. I told him that if he admitted to his mistakes and actually apologized about any of the stuff I previously wrote, instead of blaming everyone and everything else then the whole family would feel a bit different about him. A lot of talk was about the 30th b-day and other times when I just ignored him and how he had already apologized about the party. I reminded him that he didn't apologize to most of the family and he blamed Ruth. He then stated that Ruth was the cause of a lot of the problems at that party. He also made a big deal about how the family doesn't trust him with my daughter and kept emphasizing how he has never held her. We finally tried to come to an agreement. I told him I would try to talk to him more and try to understand him better and he said he would try to come to family events more. He also wanted more of a relationship with my daughter. We left and my wife and I were skeptical but we said that if this is who Sarah really wanted to be with, as long as BIL wasn't perceived as a threat he could have more contact with our daughter. We have had way more of a relationship with his kids than he has had with our daughter so I tried to sympathize with that imbalance. Karl also stated later that having known BIL for a long time, he thought he was very sincere. To date, BIL has not asked or tried at any family events to spend any time with my daughter, despite having numerous opportunities. Now to the current situation. About a month ago Lana and Karl announced that Lana was pregnant. This was a revelation due to Lana having a medical condition that made it harder to get pregnant. A lot of excitement was brewing in the family because of this. Karl has been seeming like a good partner to Lana, and proposed to her a little before the pregnancy happened. This is especially pertinent because Lana and Karl moved into a house together right beside BIL and Sarah. A few days ago they were over at Sarah and BIL's house when an argument broke out between Sarah and BIL. BIL demanded that Sarah wasn't an "obedient enough wife" and that if she wanted there marriage to work then she was going to have to get better at serving him. She was upset and they weren't coming to an agreement so he was going to leave, but apparently he was very high so Sarah refused to give him the keys to his car. He got extremely mad and then got a gun, held it to his head, and threatened to kill himself if she didn't hand over the keys. Fortunately, Danny and Aaron were taking a nap during all of this. Sarah called the police during this whole exchange and the operator heard a lot of what BIL said over the phone so based on that they arrived at the house. He apparently drove away and it took the police a bit to find him but once they did he turned himself over. They admitted him to a mandatory 72-hour stay at a psychiatric ward for a mental health assessment. Sarah then came up to the rest of the family (not me or my Wife) and gave them Danny and Aaron. She then went and confided with Lana and Karl about how abusive BIL had been and how life was just miserable right now. A lot of us, especially Karl and my in-laws, were telling her that she needs to leave BIL and file for emergency custody of her children. She seemed to be listening to us and turning a corner, but inexplicably the psychiatric ward allowed BIL to have a phone call with Sarah and they had a long conversation. Suddenly, Sarah shut us all out and completely changed her story. She started defending BIL again. BIL was then let out of the psychiatric ward a day early. Since Karl was working at the time, Lana came to stay with us and then over at her in-laws. We are especially concerned about her safety around BIL due to her being pregnant. They have since cut nearly all contact with us for 4 days now. They have only told Karl that they were getting a new TV because the old one mysteriously broke somehow. They have continued to post on social media like nothing has happened. They have spent 2 days with BIL's family so we aren't sure what their opinion of this is, though we do know a sibling of his has also told Sarah to leave him prior to this latest situation. We don't know what their plans for childcare is because they are wholly reliant upon us. Lana is very reluctant to ever be home alone. Ruth is as well. There are so many other details I haven't mentioned. There have been holes in walls they've had to fix. There is some evidence that BIL is cheating on Sarah, but that evidence is somewhat inconclusive. The bigoted comments for a while now have gotten increasingly misogynistic. It's a lot of 'we need to respect proper gender roles' kind of stuff. There's just too much and I've already written a book on here. I don't really know what to do at this point. Because a lot of this stuff has been swept under the rug it's hard to tell how seriously CPS or police would take our claims. FIL has threatened to kick them out of their very cheap rental they're in now. Who knows what they would do in that scenario. I know this post is detailed and because of that BIL or Sarah might see it, but at this point I wonder if I even give a shit. They've already eluded to keeping their sons from us in the past and the vibes we are getting now is that they are already doing it. And from the bottom of my heart, fuck BIL. 

I love your big cheeks when you smile. You always wanted to get braces, but I love your teeth the way they are.
I love your soft heart. I’d always admire how you cry. I’m sorry I made you cry so much sometimes. I’m too much like my parents.
I love that you always want to grow and how you can look forward. I’m so proud of you. I’m so grateful I was there to see you get your degree, to see you move out, to be part of your life.
I love that you love yellow and sunflowers and the sky. You were always so bright. I also don’t like it now too, because whenever I see something happy, I think of you, and it makes me really sad. Being happy makes me sad.
If art was for me, music was for you. I miss hearing you hum and sing. You’re a great singer. I can’t listen to soft songs anymore.
I loved giving you my last bite every time. Sitting across from you made me happy. It was always enough for me to just be with you. I didn’t need any gifts or flowers or letters, but I got those too anyway.
Sometimes you’d slap your big belly, and I’d slap it too. I liked that. Do you remember when I’d cuff your sleeves before work? Or run to get your hairbrush one more time? How you’d scare me through the window while I washed the dishes? How I’d hug you at the door when you came home? Scrubbing your back in the shower? Waking you up just so I could remind you that I love you? I miss calling you over so you could just lay on top of me. When we rolled on the floor after moving into your new apartment.
My friends and family say I idealize you too much. But I don’t think so. I did the cliche thing, the important healing step, where I made a list of all the pet peeves and transgressions. But it didn’t feel right, hating you or villainizing you. You had your flaws, your quirks and those were fine with me. It just reminded me you were human. The weird way you sleep, how’d you get a little too angry at video games, how you’d be too anxious to go out sometimes. I love the human you.
Sometimes I wish you were horrible to me, to make this easier. Everyone else I talk to had horrible exes, mean ones. When I listen to their stories, it’s not you I think about. It’s me, maybe. Maybe that’s what I am to you.
I went to Chickfila and Cheesecake Factory on my own to try and replace our memories. I took myself to brunch and looked at the colors of the floor, the ceilings and the letters hanging on the wall to stay grounded. I browsed the shelves of the Korean Mart where I’d buy you snacks and looked at the chocolate bar selection at Aldi’s. I went to an arcade with new strangers I met and tried to win myself my own prize.
My therapist asked me to recall a happy memory, a content one. I told her about how I drove your car over the Golden Gate Bridge. We stopped at the viewing vista over the San Francisco Bay, and I kissed you on the cheek as I took a picture. It was my favorite picture of us, I had it printed so many times and pinned to my wall. In that memory, I felt safe, I felt warm, I felt content, I felt loved.
I hate how you said I never loved you, how I am unable to love. What is this feeling then? And where does this pain come from, if not my shattered heart?
Because I love you, I’m supposed to let you go. Be happy for you and send you off with love. But you’re not here anyway, so I hope it’s okay if I hold on for a little while longer. Write you a letter, or two, and look for you in every song lyric and in every flower by the street. Think of you as the clouds pass by and feel you in my chest when I find a laugh.

I don’t know much about cars, I’m not after anything super fancy. I haven’t worked out my budget yet but thinking of going for PCP finance because I can’t afford to outright buy a car anytime soon - would take me at least 2-3 years😅 I could have a £1000+ deposit saved up by January time I think, i’m hoping to pass my test in October and share with my partner for a little while.
Anyway something small, easy to drive but also enough room to fit a toddler seat in the back, so 5 doors is a must. Something on the cheaper side to run. As long as it gets me from A to B safely and comfortably - I’m not wanting to spend a lot considering new driver insurance plus I have other things to save for and don’t want all of my money going to a car.
I’m unsure on the number of miles that I should avoid, for example if it goes over 40k,50k etc
As long as it’s got a good history, how much does the age of the car matter? 2015 & 2016 models seem to be more of the price I’d ideally go for but then I’m having to remind myself that’s almost 10 years ago 😳
Toyota Aygo is the car that keeps popping up, it’s cheap in comparison to other cars I’ve came across and appearance isn’t too bad, some actually look nice - at least from the front😂. From the little I’ve read it seems to be a reliable car. Has anyone owned one or currently own one that can give me an idea of your experience?

45M saw the midnight screening of TPM in NZ 1999.
Online now there's been a debate around the PT hate vs ST. I was there and the reception was different vs now along with environment online.
Biggest difference is social media didn't exist as such (unless you count forums).
So in 1999 what were we doing Star Wars related? Well our group was playing Rebellion and Rogue Leader (N64 game). Somewhat recently Shadows of the Empire. They lined up for tickets I managed to score some midnight screening ones.
We didn't hate TPM. The disappointment was very real though.
The 90s were kinda rough n NZ. Our group was a mixture of welfare kids through to reasonably well off kids. We consumed a lot of what is now legends material. Games and books mostly. Comics were a bit harder to aquire in my part of NZ.
Internet was a lot less common back then no social media. A computer was around $2000 nzd in the 90s rent was cheap say $40-60 per week circa 1996-1999. I don't remember the conversion rate to usd minimum wage was around $6-8.
Buying a PC though was 6-12 months rent. I didn't own one in 1999 first used the internet 1996 to give you an idea.
I watched TPM disappointment was real but I didn't go online and slag it off. I wasn't online. There was also sobe really bad Star Wars media by tgen so it was far from the worst. That applies to Disney Star Wars now as well.
None of our group hated TPM anyway and we formed our own opinions. And those opinions were mostly self contained. Idk if there was online hate in 1999 but if there was it was easy to miss. Even if you had a PC an the net it as dial up. And you would gave to go Join a forum. 1999 was also the first year I saw a text message.
Fast forward a few years. 2001 was the first year I joined a forum. It was a D&D one but they gad another section for Star Wars RPG. My first discussions around Star Wars online were about the d20 and older D6 material. The D6 material was massively influential in early Legends material after Heir to the Empire. No one got to offended if you didn't like TPM but I don't recall people constantly dumping on it. Not saying it didn't happen but it was easy enough to miss.
Interdiction cruisers in Rebels. They are from legends and they got it from said D6 RPG materials.
Fast forward a few more ears and RotS has been released. Generally people online seemed to like that one (cf RoS). Not claiming it was universally loved but a common attitude seemed to be the PT was a bit meh except for Pt III. Once again social media didn't really exist or was in its infancy around 2005/6.
It was also a golden age for Star Wars games 2002-2008 although you could also claim 1997-2010 ymmv of course. Even if the movies were not loved there was plenty of other media to distract you. Once again there wasn't a lot of hate directed at the movies at the time. Not everyone loved them of course but the negativity was more disappointment, wish they were better, at least pt III was good.
And then social media blew up. I don't remember Twitter before 2012 and I think I used youtube for the first time 2010 late adopter.
So that's the key difference between then and now IME. Social media didn't exist, less people were online. Those that were more segregated into their own communities on forums. Most people didn't use forums or even knew what they were.
I did see my 1st meme in 1996 or 97 comparing a politician to the Nazis. Godwins law 1997.
So I'm Gen X turning into my parents lol. Never used a dating site haven't been single since 2000 and barely single since 1996. No idea where to even start if I was.
But the rise of social media has resulted in a lot of anger and confusion and flow on effects I have noticed. Another simple example is dating and expectations due to tinder and porn. Younger female friends or relatives putting pressure on themselves and guys completely clueless. We just had to deal with things like playboy. I'll admit to reading them but stopped aged 16 when one realized that girl you like probably doesn't like them.
Modern world is better in some ways worse in others compared with the 90s.

Hello, i am flying to argentina for some wisdom teeth removal and couple root canals. I am scheduled to for surgery on Tuesday and i fly back on Thursday morning. Would i experience any discomfort or dry socket flying 2 days after surgery? Its a 9hr flight and im scared im cutting it short. Will i be ok?