Memory my dad poems

Now that i have your attention and i know most people here have the attention span of a drunk pigeon ill try to somewhat make it quick and straight to the point here are some points on why you should Slide in my Dms Or maybe points on why you shouldnt? your choice really

• i am 23, i am soon not gonna be in my early 20s and that is... shocking, like where tf did the 18-22 years gone to, i have no idea, prob have memory loss :D
• cats i love those mf's, those evil bastards have a choke hold on me, no wonder they tricked the Egyptians into making them their gods
• my attention span is that of a flat earther brain, aka it does not exist. tiktok ruined me send help
• i have few hobbies but u can always use that to progress the convo later so need to mention them now
• i dont get offended at all so try your luck at roasting me.

i have no issues assuming the dad position in the friendship and show u the care u never had
now to why you MIGHT not want to be my bestie

• random bursts of roastness/flirtatiousness take that how you would. i will roast you like a bully and compliment you like we've been married for decades
• high maintenance so i expect to text frequently but i dont mind if you disappear during the day

I apologize in advance for the length of this thread, but by far this is the user that wrote the most comments in the video of our song. At first, he suggested Scepter and Reign, but he debunked this lead by saying: "Scepter and Reign can be crossed off. I have been corresponding with the lady whose name is mentioned in the legal document, Naomi (first name used with her permission, and only her first name) since Thursday. She was legitimately shocked her name was on the document because in all these years NOBODY ever contacted her regarding it. She thinks they may have realized how much money it would cost and probably withdrew. She knew both bands fairly well, scale of 1-10 she answered "6.5 maybe 7'ish". She designed 1 "logo" for each band that was literally just a sketch she made with their band names on them she could print out in the Xerox store she worked at. Scepter's original name was actually "Dungeon Master" but they changed it to fit their name on her design. As for the abandoned demo from Scepter, she said they abandoned it because they couldn't afford to produce it. They didn't even make it far enough to name their 3 or 4 songs. So, on to the big question, are either bands involved with this song? According to her both bands came out in 1985, and according to her this "The Falling King" song predates both bands by a year or 2. This is not Scepter or Reign, this song is older than both bands. According to her, she first heard this song on a Detroit station while visiting family. Even back then, the Detroit station personnel had absolutely NO CLUE who this was. She remembers her father making fun of the singers accent claiming it was a "Posh" accent and also used to think the lyric was "The fall, the fall in the king" lol. I explained how this song was recorded off of several stations in 1987 and she replied "How many songs do you hear on the radio that are several years old?". She was stumped this was played on Z-Rock because this does not sound like an amateur band to her. She is not the only person to make comments that this does not sound like an amateur band, this sounds professionally recorded and produced, something EXTREMELY few amateugarage bands could have done. I thought i had something, but at least i tried. By the way, apparently Reign still performs in the Pittsburgh area under the name "Metallic Thunder"." (THIS IS HIS LATEST COMMENT) If this is true, it means our search will be even more difficult.
In one of his earliest comments he said this: "My 2 oldest sisters (born in 1970 and 1972) actually remember this song being played by garage bands and local talents in the Coatesville PA area. However, they both swear on mom and dads ashes that the first time they heard this song, a local music festival in Exton PA, I was NOT born yet (I was born in 1984). Even back then nobody could say who it was or what the title was. In fact the one band from Downingtown PA used to refer to it as "The Dungeons and Dragons song". And by that i mean, according to my sisters the lead singers girlfriend (or his sister....they could never tell?) would be in the crowd and when they were ready to end their performance she would shout "Play the Dungeons and Dragons song". My sisters also remember the adults thinking this song was somehow a promotional thing for the PA Renaissance Fair. Unfortunately they cannot offer any clues to the identity of this band or songs title, their guess, back then and still today, was Manowar."
At first, he claims our band is Manowar, explaining: "I do not think Manowar is an obscure band, nor do my sisters. The "obscure" bands mentioned in my postings are all the local garage/amateur bands that they remember playing this song and most of those garage/amateur bands even back then, along with my sisters, were under the impression this was a Manowar song. Many people, not just on this post but others feel this is Manowar "pitch" song, other bands thrown around have been Iron Maiden, Overdrive (Or Overkill, i'm not sure if it's the same band?), Blackmane, Axis and Cirith Ungol (spelling?). Keep this in mind, it's not that uncommon for mainstream/well known bands to have unreleased music in their "library". A good example, ask the most diehard Rammstein fans what their first song ever was, they'll probably answer Du Recht So Gut or Rammstein. Most people have never heard their 1992-1993 pitch song, "Tier" (Monster, beast). In fact, Till Linderman himself stated in 2018 he was unaware Tier was ever recorded by anyone, yet alone put up on the internet. Like this "Fall of the King" song, "Tier" was toted as an mystery song for years but was in a group of 4 or 5 other songs that Rammstein did but never released. One of my favorite bands, Corvus Corax, actually had something similar happen, a song they did back in the early 90's, "Vampire", opening for another band was recorded by a fan in the audience and made rounds on the Neo Folk community ages later. Corvus Corax themselves heard it on a radio station in Denmark roughly 2009'ish and called them asking how and when they got that song because they NEVER recorded it for public use. Personally i cannot give a wager who this is? I am not that good with this genre so i go with what people older than me and much better with this music say. To me it could be Manowar, something they never intended to be released publicly, it could be the Z'Rose a bunch of people feel it is, it could be Overdrive/Overkill (i do not know if these names are the same band or 2 separate ones?), it could be me time traveling impersonating my great uncle Fred......ok that last one was just meant to be a joke lol." Then someone says: "has your sister contacted erik to see about the the song?" and he says "OH HELL NO!!! They haven't spoken since they broke up in 1991-1992. I did reach out to his brother probably a year ago and never heard back."
He suggests it's either Manowar or Sarissa (he mispelled them): "@aSome1 There's some confusion, my sisters never said Z'Rose was playing the song in our hometown area. Local teenage to early college yrs bands were playing it. They recognized this song when I was on a family Zoom chat, i had this song on in the background (by accident actually lol) and my oldest sister (#1 born in '70) asked what i was listening to. I turned it up and she shook her head and asked the other sister (#2 born in '72) "Oh my gosh isn't that that stupid Manowar song Erik and his brother used to play all the time?". Erik was the name of her high school boyfriend. They remember hearing it first at an amateur music fest when my brother (born in '82) was still a baby. Mainly they remember mom fitting all of them in her old "Batmobile" station wagon. By the time i was born in '84 that station wagon was gone for at least several months. The band names they specifically remember playing this, and keep in mind these were "Garage bands" from the 80's were: Venomous Vomit, Razors in your Coffee (Erik's band), Ash to Ash, Cauldron Kings, Coven of Metal, Pridesville, South of Hell and Purgatory. They said there were a few more, but didn't remember....or care....to know their names. (Disclaimer: Several peoples associated with those mentioned bands have been contacted by me and several have replied.....the most common reply is "How the hell do you know us!?" lol)
"I have actually been looking at this song for almost 3yrs. I've had some "good leads" and some "bad leads" and i've also had "WTF leads".......but at the end it is still unsolved. So far the biggest contenders, from people way better with this music than me (I'm more a symphonic or extreme metal person) have been: Manowar, Iron Maiden, OverDrive, Overkill, Onslaught of Destruction and Sonic Mahem. My sisters really believe it is possibly an unreleased or "pitch demo" of Manowar but they also said it might be a Greek band from the early 80's called Sarassa or something like that?"
Then he denies it's Z-Rose: "@lostwavefinder587 I have seen that name tossed around a lot on forums and random chats (this being one of them). Most people way smarter and better with this music than myself seem to have the opinion that it is not Z'Rose. They range in reason from: the equipment sound professional and they were not, the dates don't add up, Z'Rose only did covers so even it is them in the recordings it's still not their song.....one individual (a supervisor at work who lived in Texas during this time frame) actually said "Z'Rose wouldn't have been sober enough to finish that song". I have only heard 1 Z'Rose recording, and unfortunately the person who recorded it (I think the date says 1989?) spends the majority of the 5 minute video talking during the performance so all i hear is them and not the singer. I have to emphasize about %99 of this info i'm presenting is NOT from me but people who know this genre of music way better than me....i'm more Symphonic metal and neo folk (Corvus Corax, Heilung, Faun etc."
"Out of curiosity, since a lot people think this might be Z'Rose, has anyone contacted the family/families of Nick or Joe Cavazos? My "team" is looking into a blog page from 2018 of a pretty intense exchange between a blogger and a woman who is believed to be "Rocker Joe's daughter. In this exchange she states this song is NOT her dad and uncle's band. But it gets pretty rough because the blogger keeps pressing and let's just say some NSFW language is exchanged. I will only say this, the woman's name does match one of the names in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary, but they can't tell if it is actually HER or someone posing. I also find it interesting that in another posting of this song someone is claiming to be the nephew of both Nick and Joe.....but about a dozen people ask about this song and he does not answer them......but someone else will ask something unrelated to this song and he answers??"
"About a year ago on another posting of this song, someone had a link to a conversation with a woman who was allegedly Joe Cavazos daughter. She very adamantly denied this was her dads band, Z'Rose. They person kept pressing her and she did not budge a single inch, "NO, its not my dad's band". The only thing that could be confirmed was the woman's name did match a name in Julio "Joe" Cavazos obituary as his daughter. But if it was her or not I can't say? Many peoples on other postings and on forums have all claimed to have gotten in contact with Z'Rose and stated they responded "No" to this being theirs.
So the "Kings Fall" song by Bernard Cavazos is actually a completely different song. He is also not related to the Z'Rose Cavazos. Somewhere I read that the "Kings Fall"/"Fallen King" song by Bernard Cavazos is about a corrupt politician or mafia like "king" not an actual king. Again none of this is from me, it's from things I read, not me.
When 'Wang' did a video about several mystery songs he included this one. In his video (I don't know if he made more than one?) he talked about how that Bernard Cavazos has been contacted and has denied this is his Fall of the King song. If my memory is correct Wang read a message from him explaining his "king" was a corrupt politician or gang leader like king. Wang also mentioned there was another Bernard Cavazos who was a doctor and he is sick and tired of people contacting him about this song"
Someone that replied to him said:
"@CharlesMarkward probably this tape recording was an attempt from them to make something of their own, many bands have started this way, an example is the Brazilian power metal band Angra, they were first meant to be an Iron Maiden tribute but as things went by, they have decided to release things of their own...I couldn't find anything about this "Z'Rose" band in metal-archives, neither at Google with a simple research, but the data gathered until this moment make sense: the Z Rock radio is from Texas, the so called "Z'Rose" band is also from Texas, it was the 80's, so, without internet, this was the way bands used to promote their work...but your story adds some drifts from this sensible data available until now...they are/were from Texas, ok...but until then, they weren't any big group, which means they were probably 9 to 5 salarymen whose musician activity was on weekends and the money earned wasn't enough to keep up with, so, a trip from TX to PA is a long ranged one and expensive for their then standards, I can remember when I've read the Mick Wall's Metallica biography, in which they highlight how hard was for them to go all the way from CA to NY to record Kill em' All, well, unless someone sponsored the so called "Z'Rose from Texas" (like the Zazula couple to Metallica) to play in the events you've mentioned in PA...which means they were good and had potential (this "mysterious recording" doesn't let me lie), because it takes a lot for someone at the other eastern extreme of a big country like the USA to call someone all the way from TX to play in an event when probably there were good bands around and without the need of a sponsorship to travel and get some place to sleep and eat..."
Therefore Charles says: "Also, i am not the one saying it's not them. People much better with much more access to metal archives/records are saying it's not them. BUT, everything you said makes perfect sense to me and I have no argument against any of it. It would make perfect sense if it was a possible pitch demo Z'Rose recorded and kept along for a few years before a station played it. My sisters are %98 certain it was a Manowar song, the only other band they mentioned as a possibility is a Greek band i can't find anything about called something like Sarassa??"
Someone told him to contact Erik: "A little bit ago someone in here suggested i contact my sisters ex and ask where he got this song. I could not get a hold of him, but i did get in contact with his brother he played with. According to the brother they got the song from their aunt who lived in Philly (Center City) and would send them tapes of songs to play. This song was on a tape sandwiched between "4 or 5" Manowar songs. He specifically remembered this for 2 reasons: 1, their aunt wrote "Killing of the king by No Name" and 2, the last song on the this tape was labled as a Venom song (he did not recall which) but was actually "Melody of Love" by Bobby Vinton😂. So i think this is why my sisters keep saying it's Manowar, because if it was on a tape with a bunch of their songs that chances are they heard a crapload of times?"
He contacted Erik's brother (Erik is supposedly the ex boyfriend of one of his sisters) and received this reply: "Erik's brother returned another email I sent about this song. I made a post about it about a week ago. The brother says their aunt who lived in Philly included this song on a mix tape of stuff for him and his brother to play. This song was sandwiched between several Manowar songs and the last song on the tape was supposed to be a Venom song but was actually Bobby Vinton's "Melody of Love" 🤣"
Therefore debunking the possibility it's a Manowar song, he also adds: "She (the aunt) passed in 2014. She would record songs off the radio for them. She lived in Philly (Center City) but also had a place in Florida, so he was never sure which cities radio stations she would record from. This song she wrote "Killing the King?" As the title and "???" as the band name, but it was between several Manowar songs. I think this might be why my oldest sisters are so insistent this is a Manowar song because they may have listened to it with Erik and his brother.....it's a theory lol"
He also thought of Iced Earth as the possible band: "lostwavefinder587 I immediately thought of Iced Earth when I heard this song. Although it's likely just a coincidence, it's interesting to note that Iced Earth was originally called "The Rose".
Someone said to him: "if that's any help, the Greek band's name you're talking about is probably Sarissa. I don't think it's them, though: the vox sound kinda different, and their songs are mostly Ancient Greece-themed." And he replied: "Yes, thank you! All this time I've been spelling it wrong. I gave a quick listen to a demo of theirs from '86. In terms of sound and beat and tempo etc, they are pretty close to this song. In terms of vocals, they sound nothing alike." Therefore, he debunked Sarissa himself.
Now here he changed his version and provides a new lead given by his sisters:
"Holy crap for some reason my last post got cut in half and didn't include the following info, sorry! So the individual i spoke to and got the new possible lead is the former singer of the one band my sisters mentioned, Purgatory, (i do NOT have his permission to use his real name but his stage name was Tarantula). He confirmed he played this song "once or twice" but didn't know the lyrics so they just repeated several "blocks" over and over again. He heard it from a band in NJ and when he asked if he could use the song they replied along the lines of "It's not our song, we don't care" but gave no indication who it was or they even knew who it was? He suggested the band "Knightmare" because they were from Texas and he remembers all of their songs being medieval or medieval fantasy related. Supposedly they wore what looked like full on plate armor (he does not know if it was actual metal armor or something made to look like it). He saw them perform a handful of times because he spent summers in Texas on his grandfathers (mistakenly said uncle in my last post, sorry) ranch and would sneak off at night to "the metal scene" (i do not know if that was a club name or if he just meant that in general?). He began visiting his grandfathers ranch in 1980 and stopped when his grandfather retired in 1992. He gave an estimated timeline for "Knightmare" of 1981-1989."
He corrects himself by saying they are not called "Knightmare": Interestingly, my supervisor at work lived in Texas during this timeline (roughly mid 70's to mid 90's from what i can gather?) and when I asked him about Knightmare he had no idea. But when i mentioned they dressed up like knights in armor he suddenly looked startled and said "That wasn't their name, their name was Battle Battalion or some s*** like that".
But then he says: "So i posted a few months ago about this song, my sisters remember garage bands in the area playing this… I checked every band called Knightmare on Metal Encyclopedia and it doesn’t look like it’s our band." "Forgive my French.....Damn. I thought maybe it could have been a lead but i guess like dozens of others I've come across, dead end. I did a quick search for Knightmare a few weeks ago and I got all excited i saw one band dressed up like monks or Druids, but that band only came out in 2017. I think it's safe to say the name has been used by many bands."
Then someone asks him: "Does the name "Battle Battalion" show up on any Metal "pedia" sites? That's what my supervisor claims this "dressed up in medieval armor" bands name was?" and another one told him: "I saw some bands with Battalion on the metal encyclopedia and discogs and none of them are our band. I don’t think we should go based on what a band wears as our lead."
Then he debunks the Knightmare (and the Conquest) lead: "So a little bit ago i mentioned a band name "Knightmare" as a possibility for this song. Well the band was actually called "KnyghtBlyde" (Knight Blade) and i got in contact with the daughter of the vocalist last night. I played this song for her and after some confliction/hesitation she said it is NOT her dad. The biggest thing was all of her dads songs were based of Aruthurian lore and filled with references to Camelot, Arthur, Morgana, Lancelot, Excalibur etc. Since this song has none of that, its not them. She has no idea who this is. I did a quick search "Conquest 80's metal band Texas" and found 3 results. Conquest from San Antonio, split in either '85 or '87. Conquest from Dallas, '86 - '90. Khan'quest (possibly same band as Khanquistador?), no location given but split up in '88 then reformed in 2000 then......nothing? I could not find anything about any of their songs or demos or releases or band members. But it's obvious I was thinking of the wrong Conquest bands 😂 Conquest was ruled out. Someone who owns the tape was contacted and told us this isn't them."
And he says the singer of KnyghtBlade is convinced this song is from Battallion:
"So a little bit ago I mentioned getting in contact with KnyghtBlyde singers daughter who states that this is NOT her dad. She contacted me this morning, her father thinks this song might be by a band called Battalion. But her father said Battalion also went by the name AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault (or Artillery) in their early days. According to her father AAA/Battalion were from Texas but at least 2 of their members were originally from Chicago. Has anyone ever heard of either Battalion or AAA, Anti Aircraft Assault? The closest I can say is my one supervisor at work mentioned a band Battle Battalion from Texas when he lived there."
Then someone replies to him: "you are right there is a band named Battalion formed in 1984" He says: "I cannot find a single piece of music from this particular "Battalion"? From what I could find they formed between 1983 and 1985, split, reformed under a few possible names, split, repeat. 2 people I asked did say they remember a band of some sort from "out west" Anti Aircraft A-something, but neither could give any info."
Now here, he suggests it could be a Talon song:
"So here's a potential lead for everyone: I was just playing this song for a friend who is obsessed with all metal music. She asked me "Where did you get that Talon song?" Talon was/is a German heavy metal band from the early 80's that released several demos and full on albums between '83-'89. Almost all of there songs were medieval themed, especially their 2 demos. Herr's the thing, they supposedly have 3 unnamed tracks from both demos, one allegedly called "King Slayer". I listened to a bunch of there songs and I have to say there are several songs where the singer sounds exactly like our mystery singer, but then the next song they sound nothing alike. There was one song called something like "Execution" that the opening guitar sounds like this songs opening only slower? I'm not saying it is Talon, but it is possibly something to look into or at least consider?"
He also claimed the singer sounds like Bruce Dickinson (which has been suggested many times):
"I've said many times that I personally feel this vocalist sounds extremely close to Bruce Dickinson. There is a clip of Bruce singing Tom Jones' "Delilah" on either a talk or game show, and his opening of that song is nearly identical to this Fall of the King vocals! Tone, tempo, cadence, pitch......it's really really on spot. I am NOT saying it is Bruce, I'm just saying whoever it is does a good job singing like him."
He says this song could be made by Eviscerator:
"Hello again everyone, has anyone ever heard of a band from Britain, late 70's through late 80's called "Eviscerator"? Very very long story short: I played this song at a Viking/Pagan/Neo-Folk/Black Metal "bar" about half a mile up the road from my place and the one patron who looked like Elvira and Lilith Bathory had a daughter together (HOT HOT HOT) comes over and asked me to replay it and she sang along with the recording with about %95 accuracy! Oddly, at the end after the 4 or 5 "The Fall of the King"s, she suddenly sang "The evil one now wears the crown, all hail the evil one" and head banged for a few moments. According to her, this song was by a band called "Eviscerator" and they always claimed this song was written as a pitch track for the movie Heavy Metal? I mentioned how this song by numerous accounts was recorded here in the USA in 86-87 from stations in Texas, Chicago, Cleveland, NYC and (by only one account) possibly Florida. She didn't feel there was an issue with that as stations will often play random things just to fill the spot including songs that are several years older. I asked about her added line at the end and she stated "I didn't add s*** bud, whoever recorded it must have cut it off before they got to it". I mentioned how numerous people strongly believe this is the work of Z'Rose, she said they probably covered it a bunch of times but it is not their song and even stated that this particular recording sounds like it could be them covering. She was more familiar with Z'Rose than me, she commented "The 3 Cavlaros brothers from Texas right? The singer was the oldest brother Jeff?" (I know that's not their name, i only included it for aunthenticity per context of our discussion, the last name is Cavazos and there was only 2 of them right?). She also told me Z'Rose had about a dozen other names through their years including "Gypsy Rose". I asked how she knew this British band "Eviscerator" and she answered that she lived in London from 78-85 and this song was played a lot on "amateur hour" on several stations, especially university stations. This kind of took me by surprise because i thought she looked younger than me (I'm 39) but she lived in England for college and her first husband in the late 70's??"
"In my last comments i mentioned a bar i went to was going to have a mini concert featuring bands that specialize in black metal and 80's tribute metal and i would play this song to see if any of the band peoples or concert goers would chime in. I did just that and got a few hits on the radar with a few of the band members. The one band, Inviaat, the singer says he remembers this song being played on a radio station in Philly PA for an entire summer because that station was trying to find the band. He does not remember the specific station but said it was near the Taylor University campus (my understanding is that there is several?) because the station thought it was the students from that university's music program. When i asked him when exactly that would have been he said Summer of 1983 because he was married on Halloween 1983 and was hoping the station would find the band so they could play at his wedding. A member from the local band "inductus Mortis" said he recalls that song being played "somewhere in the mid 80's" but does not remember if he heard it in Chicago or Cleveland because he bounced between them. I asked several bands, include the Venom tribute band Poisonous Whisper if anyone had ever heard of a band name Eviscerator from the 80's. Only one person thought he heard the name but it wasn't a band name it was a compilation album of NWOBHM from roughly '83-'84, but couldn't tell me anything other than that. As for the other concert goers, the #1 response i got from them was along the lines of "Dude you can sing, you should go pro!".....in other words they thought it was me promoting myself (I wish i could sing like that!!). the #2 response was people thought it was Manowar. After those 2 the guesses were the usual ones i have seen here and everywhere else this topic comes up: Blackmaine, Axis, Overkill, Overdrive, Black Sabath, Iron Maiden, Anthrax, Slayer, WitchAxe and 2 people even asked if it was an Ozzy Osbourne demo."
"I asked around, including my oldest sisters I've mentioned in my postings, about Eviscerator. The only person who heard of them, the one from this time-frame not the other 8 or 9 bands from the 2000's with that name, said they were a generic ManowaIron Maiden/Judas Priest tribute or more accurately, ripoff, band who sucked. I am not saying I buy this woman's account, but i'm also not discrediting it or calling her a liar. Her familiarity with this song and her accuracy with the lyrics makes me believe she knows this song from somewhere.....what that somewhere is, i can't comment because i don't know?"
"So far my friends and I have several "pings" to look into, the name Eviscerator has absolutely nothing from the time frame we're looking at. But there is (was?) a "Lee Lesaat" Canadian/British "mercenary" (did not belong to any band but would play for others) drummer who now lives in NYC my friends are looking into.
There is an 80's metal/black metal tribute concert this Saturday at the bar I was at last weekend. After the bands play their sets they have an open mic like set up where you can play your own music (as long as it fits the theme). I'm going to try and play this song and see if anyone, bands or crowd or food vendors etc, have any reaction.
And by "pings" I just mean responses/possible possible long shot leads. The guy or girl claiming to be a psychic vampire who time traveled and wrote this song for The Lost Boys movie is NOT going to be one of them😂"
Then someone asks: "What band is this Eviscerator ? I found a band that was formed in 2012 . Furthermore tthe song is not in the metal archives I searched through lyrics was not found." He says: "Allegedly they were in England in the 1980's, but the woman stated 2 of them had New York accents. If all of her account is true and accurate, they were NOT a professional big name band. I did find several bands with the title "Eviscerator" (in different variations) but all of them were from the 2000's. The only "pro" band with that title I could find was a Hungarian band from the mid 2000's. I asked Satanic lady if she remembered any of the other bands that played alongside "Eviscerator" and she only remembered 3: "Band-Shee" (an all female band....get it?) Gargoyle, and Werewolf Tears."
"I have a very very small update for everyone, but it's still an update nonetheless. The mystery succubus looking woman who said this song was by Eviscerator and sang along to it (even when I "accidentally" muted my phone to see if she was just repeating what she was hearing.....she was not) has been identified by my journalist friend! We are going to try and get in contact with her and see if there is anything else she can remember about "Eviscerator" that could help. I'm not going to get my hopes up, but her familiarity with this songs lyrics and the fact she sang almost in perfect synch with the beat makes me feel she really did know this song from somewhere in her past. That or she is a very good actress? Lol
I found only 1 solid, confirmed band with that name but they were from mid 2000's Hungary. But several peoples now and then tell me they remember hearing that name in the 80's as various things; crappy garage band, NWOHBM compilation album/work, some sort of event space or name, most recently someone claimed he thought it was the stage name of a singer but didn't know who or what band. I'm trying to get in touch with the woman who originally mentioned that name."
He posted this comment that lead nowhere: "2 very small updates for everyone:
1) The Viking/Pagan/Goth/Black Metal themed bar just around the corner from me is having a New Years event tomorrow night. They actually agree to give me a "booth" where i can have a "guess this song" set up. And, it will be right next to where the bands play...I'm going to be between the "stage" and the food truck lol
2) The one radio station i submitted this song to will play it on their "X hour" on 1/8/24. It is not a hugely popular segment, maybe a few hundred listeners, but it's better than nothing.
Here's to the New Year and hope this song and numerous others get solved!"
"So the station played this song Sunday night/Monday morning. They played it 4 times between 2:07am - 3:12am. They received 9 calls about it and about a dozen emails (I seriously didn't know they had an email!?!?!?). Unfortunately the majority of contacts were people either asking for them to replay it or people thinking it was Manowar. There were a few Iron Maidens and one or 2 Ozzy Osborne's. Only 2 people stated they heard this song before. Unfortunately they heard it from "some kilt wearing guy at blank bar plays it, I think it's him self promoting". Yes that's me they referenced and no it is not me singing lol"
He suggest matrixx as a possibility: "There's a band called matrixx that has been giving me interest. They were only around for two years due to financial struggles in their stage. If you look up attaxe and fiinal notice they share two members of matrixx. Their drummer and guitarist sound very similar to the band from this song. It's pretty crazy too because they have a song called defy the king. They also had a label to produce their songs which is called Suma Recording Studios. This may be the reason why the audio sounds too good for a small band. I hope that this is the band! Too many good clues that I found"
He debunks the Steven Lindfield lead: "One of the names thrown about here and there on posts about this song is a Steven Linfield ("Lindi") who bounced between Chicago and NYC in the 1980's. His alleged involvement varries between being the DJ who allegedly played it on a NYC station, to being a Chicago stations record manageclerk etc etc. I got in contact with him yesterday. He denies having ANYTHING to do with the airing of this song and does not know how or why his name came up. While he did work at 2 stations (NYC, then Chicago during the summer) he was an overnight watchman (security). However, he does recall this song being played on "some amateur hour crapshoot" in '86 in NYC a bunch of times. At that point in '86 he claims people were referencing it as "The King Song" or "The song of the King" (drawn out to match the singers "The Faaaalllll, the fall of the kiiiiiing") and it was already 2 or 3 years old at that time. He did explain that at least at the Chicago station there was an amateur drop-off slot that the dj's would pick through and play random "no namers" labeling them as "space filler". Because they would be played, literally just to fill space, they were NOT mandated to keep any records of them. Sometimes the dj's would just make up names to some of these. One of his main duties was to check the drop-off to make sure there were no bad things thrown in there instead of cassettes. Another dead end, but at least we rulled out one theory......silver lining??😂 LINDFIELD, not Linfield. Darn autocorrect on this phone."
He is convinced it's a professional band's demo: Thats why a lot people I have introduced to this song think it's a professional band, or at the extreme least an amateur band playing with top level equipment/sponsor? 1983 guy stated they sound like they have equipment his garage band "couldn't even afford to dream about looking at yet alone use". It's also one of the reasons my 2 oldest sisters insist this is a professional band (sister #1 says Manowar, #2 says Manowar or Sarissa) because there are no goofs or mistakes or errors. My sisters gave an example of a garage band from their Kutztown university days, "Freefall Abyss" that self released a demo and in one song you can hear a telephone ringing in the background and in another you can hear a fan or ac unit going.
He contacted a girl named Della: "This song was actually played on an old Philly/NJ station on the segment "Della names your tune" in 2009. I was able to get in contact with "Della" (real name withheld by her request) who at first stated "I played thousands of unnamed songs bud, I probably played this one 100 times, sorry i wont be much help" . Then a few days later replied "I do recall this one, it was sent in from a local listener who had it labeled as Dungeon Master or maybe Dragon Master on a CD with a bunch of old early Manowar, JudaPriest, Iron Maiden, Megadead, Metallica and AngelWitch songs. He or she claimed their father had this song on a tape from his college days. Nobody knew what or who it was back in '09 or '10 and as far as I know nobody figured it out when I left the program in '15." The only name she gave, and I don't know if this was even a real name or the drummers "stage name" was Leopald Lestat.........I do have 2 people looking into it (from a metal dating site of all places). Disclaimer: I know some of those bands are misspelled, I purposefully left it that way because that's how she sent it to me."
"I went down that road, you nailed it right on the head. There is no way to track down who that listener was. The only hint she had, in the form of the note attached to the CD was the person said they were from Radnor PA. I couldn't tell you because the other songs kind of bounce around in terms of year: there's a Judas Priest and an Angel Witch song both from 1980 but then there's a song from Megadeath (I believe Megadeath came out in '85?) and a Metallica song from '86? For some reason my one comment didn't show up? Della gave a pretty big hint, she said the mailing address on the CD was from Radnor PA, but the phone number included was a landline for a Chicago address. Her and the station managers assumed it was a "shadow number" and didn't bother keeping record of it. A lot of her requests had local addresses with out of state phone numbers, cellular and landline."
He suggests Dungeon Masters: "I have a potential lead, "Dungeon Masters" from Pittsburgh PA? Long story short: everyone at work talks about a "hot nerdy chick" who works at the one antique book store in town and she is a music genius and knows EVERY song people play. So i decided to test it. I played this song and she stated "I think thats Dungeon Masters, they were from my hometown of Pittsburgh PA back in the early to late 80's. Thats either Dungeon Masters or someone doing an incredible job imitating them?". Given that Cleveland is only a 2-3 hr drive from Pittsburgh (from what Steelers players say) i think this could be a possible lead and explain the Cleveland recording? Again, this is only a POSSIBLE lead, but i think it has potential?
Currently my one "source" is looking into it. He is not always accurate (as evidenced when we were looking into Conquest) but its better than nothing."
And someone adds this: "Della said the same Dungeon Masters so better look into it"
But he says this: "Close, "Della" stated the listener who sent in the CD had this song labeled as "Dungeon Master?", not a band name. But I am looking into it as best as I can. I found a Pittsburgh band "Dungeon" but they're NOT metal they're an Omnia/Faun like band (neo-folk I think is the term?) formed in 2018. I sent word out to the people I know and my "team". Now it is a waiting game."

I don't remember the a lot from when I was little. I was never concerned about it. I always had this thing where suddenly I woke up one morning and I remember something, then when I speak about it, I'm met with confused faces and people telling me it never happened.
Like this one time, I suddenly remembered sitting in the car at the age of something like 6/7 with my dad driving, my mother in the passenger seat, me in the backseat on the far left and my brother and sister next me. When it came up, we were reminiscing about when we were younger and I told them about this memory of mine, and I was just staring at a bunch of confused face.
My dad didn't have a drivers license, we have never owned a car (kinda poor), and my father left us after I turned 3.
This happened a lot, I'd dream something and my brain was convinced it was true. It's how I never questioned anything because my memory lane wasn't empty or something, it was filled, with truths and lies, reality and whatever my mind could make up to fill the voids. I understand that much.
But what really made me want to regain my memories, is that I kept thinking on why I don't remember anything. Sure, I have some trauma, maybe my dad leaving us because he was sick and all. And yes, I've never really had a father role model, but surely that isn't the only existing reason my memories through my younger years are just blank.
What really did it though was this one moment my mother was talking about a trip we had to this amusement park where you could stay overnight. We went there, I was 4/5/6 I think, and there was this talentshow. We all participated, my sister and brother danced or they sang a song or something, and I wanted to be different I guess because I told a story. And I basically, to shorten it because my mother didn't really want to tell me it in the first place so I had to force it out of sister, but she was being awkward about it, I basically told a story about how a man touched me.
Of course everyone got very concerned because it was in an amusementpark and it was in front of a lot of people with a microphone and everything and I feel really bad for doing that as child to my mom, because she didn't do anything wrong. But CPS got called, and everything practically cleared up when I ended up crying, and I confessed I made it up and it was all a joke. That is what I was told.
But there is something about this all that is just too suspicious, like I feel like I didn't make it up, and if I didn't, then might that be the reason that I don't remember anything? Is that it? And what do I do to get my memories back? Because it's not just merely curiousity that wants to know, I just really feel like, no matter how much I might find out if anyone has a method or something, even if the apperent truth might hurt me or whatever, I really need to know.

I'll start off by saying I don't want to sit here and write a post of another failed set of parents, but, alas, I have nobody else I can speak to about this that would really understand. I've found therapists do be rather unhelpful and I truly have trust issues with people. I've kept a lot of this inside for my life and at this point I think I just need to somehow let it out instead of punching holes in walls or screaming in anger randomly. Maybe writing it here would help me sleep a full night or be a little happier in life?
Either way, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your take on this for those who have experienced a similar past. I'm not looking for sympathy, but a possible path that I can take in getting rid of this hate I have inside of me for good.
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By the age of 13 I had already been living with different friends for months and months with no idea where or what my mother was doing. I went to school but only when I wanted to, otherwise I would wander around and skateboard on the streets until it was time to go 'home'. She would randomly show up in her beat up 80s Honda accord with everything she owned in the backseat to see me once in a BLUE moon. Never once did she speak with my friends parents or caretakers about me, just assumed I would worm my way into another family and their life and become another mouth to feed with no explanation. As a kid you don't really see it from an adults perspective, but as an adult you know there's a failed adult behind this child in your home.
I knew the situation wasn't ideal, but I was living with my best friend at the time for a while as a kid. Every night was video games with your best bud, how bad can life be?
My mother was 17 when she had me, and 16 when she had my brother both with the same guy. I never knew my brother, he was given away because either she was too young or she didn't want him. I spoke with him a few times on social media, but nothing more. I don't use any social media so any contact I did have is gone. He didn't know I existed until I had reached out and has never spoken with our blood parents.
Super mommy did it all. Drank whatever and whenever she could, frequently used drugs (even sold them to my friends who were in middle school for a couple of bucks), fist fought anyone that upset her (including men and myself at a certain age) and was always the victim in these scenarios. She hadn't been this way for as long as I knew her, but majority of the time it was. She had a temper like no other and felt like it was "her" superpower. When it reality it's just a weakness that everyone gets to experience firsthand, either verbally or physically depending on the day. "You can fuck with mean, but you can't fuck with crazy!" she'd say, moments before road raging with a stranger at midnight in the middle of nowhere.
When my 'step' father (the man who raised me most of my life and I love with everything I have) had heard of my situation living abroad, he didn't hesitate to pick me up and take me to a better place in an entirely different part of the country. He and my mother didn't see eye to eye on much after I was about 4 years old, but he always stuck around in the same town we lived in to be around me. Eventually he went back to his hometown when she severed communication between he and I. Only through the grapevine did he hear about me and what I was doing. A few days later he had driven across the US day and night to pick me up, give that family money, thanked them and took me away.
The last time I spoke with my mother was when she took me out for some new shoes for my 14th birthday making promises left and right, while again sitting in her car with everything she had in the backseat. It was just another day with this human who couldn't help but do drugs and lie to me. I already knew I wouldn't be here in a few days and when she came back to see me, I was gone.
I lived in this new home and it actually felt like one with my Dad (step dad but he was my DAD). A few years of having a HOME was surreal and I think I took it for granted, because that too came to an end. I was just starting college and that's when parent #2 came into my life.
Meet Bio-dad! He was once only a few blurry pictures from many years past and tales from my shaman mother. Naturally I was always curious about him, and one day we were in contact with one another. Somehow he managed to find me, even though he had been paying child support for most of my life. He flew out to meet me, and a few months later I somehow decided moving across the country to live with him was a swell idea.
I thought this might have been it, finally, the blood I thought I always wanted in my life. But just a few months in I realized he was no better than her. He was successful and worked hard, but that doesn't mean he's a good person let alone a father. I never called him Dad or Father purely because I was a young adult now and didn't need another figure like that in my life, let alone from someone I barely knew. He was on marriage 2 or 3 with step kids and I just felt like I was 13 years old again in another strange house. I was told he spent a long time trying to find me when he was paying child support but was never able to. I believed him at first, and sometime later many divorced fathers told me that probably isn't be true.
It felt like he was constantly angry or upset at something. His wife, the kids, the dogs, the pool, whatever he was annoyed with everyone else was obligated to agree or veer away. He often found ways to make himself out to be the hardest worker and nothing matters but how many hours you clock in your worksheet. He "wished he could work 40 hours a week". After a few months of everyone arguing, yelling and finger pointing over little nothings each day, I decided I didn't need this kind of stress in my life and left to live in my small truck for a few weeks until I found a room to rent on my own and start my adult life.
Over the years he's tried to stay in contact with me but I never really gave much back to him if at all. I have no interest in knowing him, but his insistent attempts to contact me with 'family is important' yada yada makes my blood boil. I have no blood family as far as I care to know. I'm on the latter half of this life and I simply don't see the point in trying to establish these relationships because we have the same grandparents or blood. Why would I EVER try to put myself into that situation again? For family? Something I really don't value or care about?
The last couple of years I went from never thinking about these humans to frequently finding myself shaking from anger and distracted in life from what I want to actually do and accomplish. I feel like I'm stuck on this chapter and I really, really need to move on from it. I thought just ignoring it would work, but alas as time goes on I get random phone calls and texts from people I used to know trying to get in contact with me. I know who they are, and I know who they're speaking for, but I don't ever give them the satisfaction of even responding.
So here I am, wondering what I should do. Do I call both of them (keep in mind I don't think they've spoken since the early 90s) and let each person individually know that I'd rather watch them suffer in life than to spend time with them? I don't even want them to know where I am, what I'm doing or what I sound like. Do I write them an email, pray they know what that even is and hope they understand I don't care for them?
I considered getting hypnotized so I can fully forget them. As ridiculous as that sounds I often wonder if I could completely remove them from my memory, would I be a better person? Would I finally feel this tension in my chest leave? Would I stop screaming internally when I'm alone out of anger towards them?
At this point in my life I just want to be happy with what I have and leave them in an old time capsule never to be opened again. As I get older the more I understand that childhood tremendously dictates who we are, and I'm learning that I don't really like who I am in some aspects, and I blame them for that. Whatever good and success I have in life is because of my 'step' Dad and how he raised me the best he could.
I don't know that I could be calm or mature enough to clearly state how I feel without emotions coming into the mix. Every time I imagine talking to them it quickly turns into a rage that takes a while to let go of.
If you read my rant, thank you. If you didn't, I don't blame you one bit.
tl;dr I need to completely remove my parents from my life so I can move on, and I'm not sure how to go about it.
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I have a friend with whom I have had an affair over the course of two years. We are both religious and out of guilt or anger he has a history that he would block me, then unblock me, to get out of having difficult conversations. He was supposed to be a father figure from my church when my dad died but he craved the sexual and I gave it to him to ensure his attention. Blocking me, and me going around him blocking me, is a normal part of our conversations and at times he has complimented me for having the persistence to work around him blocking me.
We told his spouse (I always had kept my spouse informed in an attempt to mitigate the risk of the affair occurring) in February and she asked that he block me. She told me not to talk to him, but he never told me what he wanted. Over the course of a month and a half our friendship resumed with no physical contact although there were inappropriate overtones to the conversation. In the past two months we have occasionally discussed what’s going on with his facebook account and his wife’s Facebook account and he never seemed bothered that I asked about it.
This past week he admitted to having a different three year affair besides me, and was confiding in me about that relationship. He claimed it was before me after admitting it was three years , and also claims it was with his third wife (his current wife is the 4th but he claims the 3rd wife is the only woman he ever loved). He said it was during his fourth marriage . After admitting or claiming these things, I asked if he’d confided in his wife as well. He got very angry and said never to ask him about his past again. He told me I was too consoling. Then he claimed that there was no three year relationship and I was just so paranoid that I think everything is a CIA conspiracy. (I enjoy spy stuff in measure)
We texted cordially the following day, and after he worked I went to see him, we got ina fight where he claimed I am making up that he has all these women and asked me to tell him where they were. I was angry at this standard because of COURSE he doesn’t let me see his phone to see his phone to know who he texts. I’ve only seen him deleting texts from one other woman so his wife wouldn’t see. And I doubt highly that she is the reason he disappears from texting at 8 every morning at work.
I decided to avoid him for a while and was going to go a few weeks without texting him. I was missing the contact though and went on Facebook because sometimes he’ll have his wife posting things to make me jealous or he’ll leave a hint he misses me. So I looked his profile up as usual- and then his wife’s, per usual, except her page didn’t come up automatically like it usually does. So I searched her name on all Facebook and was scrolling through the hottest hits of all her posts. I figured they were just memories that I had processed with him before until I ran across a post she’d made about a baby he’d given up for adoption, or a girlfriend had, that was born when I was 5.
I wrote to him very angry that he never followed through on being a dad to me like I asked him to. How I felt devalued and why couldn’t he imagine her in me so to speak.
He sent me a google screenshot of the indiana rules for cyberstalking and I got frightened. I said I wasn’t stalking. His wife has asked that we not contact her, but I didn’t do that. I can imagine her being unhappy if she knew I saw her page, but if she blocked me I wouldn’t go around it. He claims that I couldn’t have known that without looking intentionally for it, but it literally came up at the top of the hits. Am I in legal danger? I asked if he wanted me to cease communication and he said please stop communicating so I did. I blocked her Facebook but what if I access her public poasts again? I am afraid of legal action and don’t know if it’s a high risk.
He may claim to his wife that I contacted him out of the blue. She doesn’t know we’ve been in contact consistently for two months. I’m sad to lose my friend. I’m also scared.

So for context sobrang toxic ng lola ko (father side). Bakit ko na sabing toxic? -kinunsinte ng lola ko ung isang anak nya maging scammer. Etong tito ko na to tawagin natin syang tito A. Si tito A nag benta sya ng 1 kotse sa 8 na tao at lahat ng un walang nakuhang kotse. May kaso si tito A na stafa. So dahil may kaso sya nag tatago sya at lola ko ung nag tago sakanya -ung isang tito, tawagin natin syang tito B taga probinsya, na stroke at hirap maglakad, pero sabi ng lola ko umuwi ng manila para sya mag aalalaga. Pero ung totoong reason kung bakit nya pinauwi ng manila is gusto nya gamitin ni tito A ung pangalan ni tito B. Di ko alam kung pano nilala gagawin un pero un ung totoong reason. Nung di pumayag si tito B literal pinalayas nya si tito B. -pina tutor ako ng mommy ko dati nung bata ako nagalit lola ko kasi dapat sya na lang daw binayaran at mag tutor literal muntik pag buhatan ng kamay ni lola si mommy sa harap namin (core Memory ko to sa lola ko) -mukang pera lola ko! Ayaw nya kapag grocery ung ibigay ng anak nya, gusto nya pera at halos Lahat ng binibigay ng mga anak nya na pera lagi nya inaabot kay tito A. -Sa simula pa lang ayaw na ng lola ko sa mom ko and her reason? Kasi “mahirap” lang mom ko. Di naman sya mahirap, tho di rin kasi mayamam, so nung nalaman nya na gusto mag pkasal ng dad ko, literal sya ung humanap at nag bayad ng placement fee para mag ofw daddy ko. Pero jokes on her, secretly ng civil wedding na silaa at wala na nagawa lola ko lol
Madami pa ko kayang ilista pero yan ung mga malala hahaha
Anyways going back to my story, ung lola ko “nangungutang” ng 5K (eme lang nya ung utang since never naman sya sinigil ng dad ko) wala dad ko kasi nasa ibang basa, so mom ko magbibigay. That time, nag luluto mom ko, then tumawag lola ko sa mommy ko na need sya bigyan ng 5k and nag oo na daw daddy ko. Walang gcash lola ko and need pa iba-cebuana para makuha nya. So since nag luluto mom ko sabi ng mom mamaya kasi nag luluto pa sya. After maluto syempre kumain na kami. Tapos tumawag nanaman lola ko, na oover hear ko sa phone na sinisigawan nya na mommy ko kasi ang tagal tagal daw, ung mommy ko never ko na rinig kahit kelan sagutin ung lola ko. Pero nung narinig ko na sinisigawan nya mommy nag dilim paningin ko kinuha ko ung cellphone at sinigawan ko din sya “putangina wag mo sisisgawan mommy ko!!!!!”
Sobrang sarap sa pakitamdam na gawa ko un. Pero ABYG kasi namura ko sya? Kasi after that pinagalitan ako ng mommy ko lol 😂

Backstory: We have been married 15 years, 3 years ago we started having issues in the bedroom. He would rarely want to be intimate and when we were he would either not finish or finish too soon. The way he looked at me changed he once stared at me lovingly now changed into hatred. When we went out he started staring at other women something he had never done before. He would look but never fully stare. He was home but not mentally present, like me and the kids would be talking to him and he would answer but it would be about a whole different conversation. Later I found out he had a porn addiction and let me just say I was understanding, I said we should go to therapy. At first he completely denied it, he said he only did it sometimes that there was nothing wrong with it. Which I would have agreed with that statement if it had not been affecting our relationship. It got good for awhile, then it happened again and again and again. Until I got tired and kicked him out, but he didn't leave instead he moped around the house refusing to eat and slept on the couch. Although I wanted to keep the kids out of it he came home saying that I was over reacting and I was selfish, I couldn't hold it any longer and told him he was the one that was selfish for doing this to us and refusing to get help. Anyway, he went on to go to therapy but I don't think he ever talked about the problem he had with porn or anything for that matter.
He stopped for awhile, we put an app on his phone so I could see what he was watching he was trying to reassure me that he was done with all of that. But I was deeply hurt, I once had high self esteem and he managed to break that. I took the app off his phone because I felt like I was going crazy and spent too much time checking up on him instead of focusing on my wellbeing. Later I found out that he was no longer watching porn but he was now getting off on instagram reels, tiktoks, YouTube whatever he could find of women in sexy outfits, bbls, etc. He denied it, but I only found out because I was charging a camera that I use for my dogs and caught him multiple times when I went to delete old videos off the memory card.
I chose to focus on myself after that, but I am so depressed. I see nothing has changed, we are now back to the same spot. No sex, I talk to him about wanting to feel wanted and he tries for a week or two then forgets. He pulls away from my touch, he gets defensive when I grab his phone when he didn't do that before even when he was watching porn. This all happened in the past few weeks and honestly I am done, I am heartbroken I can't stop crying but I am so tired of trying.
I have tried to talk to him but he denies everything he says nothing is wrong. But I know there's something and I can't work on our relationship alone. I am thinking of leaving, but it's so hard thinking of all the years we have been together the life we built. That and that I have been a sahm because that's what he wanted since we got married. But I am not happy anymore, every time I try to be independent he acts like a child and makes the whole house feel uncomfortable. So I choose to keep the peace for my children but I can't keep doing this and letting my kids who are now old enough to understand see how their dad is draining the life out of me.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What advice if any do you have for me?

Hi, so just a quick update no one really asked for.
Mike and I are not pushing through with the wedding for the time being.
While I was posting on Reddit asking strangers and stressing out about what to do, Mike apparently still has a handle on things despite everything. 2 days after we received the news about Steve's (Mike's brother) passing, Mike talked to me, asking me if it was alright if we could postpone the wedding for now. He was very apologetic to me and I could tell his mind is still trying to keep up with everything that's happening. I told him not to worry about it, and I reassured him that me and my family are by his side through this.
Mike was still very much shell-shocked by everything that happened. My sisters and their boyfriends took over coordinating with our wedding vendors, suppliers, and guests. I'm so grateful that everyone was accommodating enough to understand our situation. We either got a full refund or were allowed to reschedule at a later date for each of our vendors. Our guests who had already booked flights were also very gracious and pretty much just wanted to commiserate with me and Mike.
My nurse aunt took care of all the hospital procedures and paperwork, while my dad has been walking Mike through all the police and legal proceedings related to Steve's passing. My mom took care of the funeral, and it was a beautiful service. Steve's friends also organized a separate memorial tribute for him, and I really felt how much Steve was loved by the people he touched. My only job throughout all this was to look after Mike, making sure he ate and slept (even though it was difficult), and just assuring him that I'm here for him.
Mike and I went home to our apartment last Saturday. It was his first time back since, and it was also the first time we were alone since Steve's passing. When we got to our bedroom, Mike asked if he could have a few moments alone. It was the first time he cried and broke down, and he was screaming through his pillows and all (but I could still hear him back at our kitchen). We've decided to look into grief counseling, and we're having our first sessions tomorrow (we're going separately).
As for our wedding, I assured him that there's absolutely no pressure. I'll be right here waiting whenever he's ready. Now that we've gone through the past two weeks, looking back, me stressing out about finances and all really seemed so trivial compared to the emotional, physical, and mental roller coaster we experienced. I can't even begin to imagine what Mike is going through, but I know he'll get through this.
That's it. Just wanted to share this update with anyone who cares.
PS. Steve, you know I made sure you looked fabulous even in your final moments. We miss you so much, dear! We love you!

If this is the wrong place to ask, please guide me to the right place.
One day around 2 years ago, my dad basically woke up with severe nerve pain. Basically a huge web of nerves in his torso are going haywire all the time, causing frequent severe spasms. It has completely degraded his quality of life. On his best days he can barely get to the mailbox and back. He had to completely relearn how to move so he wouldn't cause spasms. He had to unlearn basic muscle memory for things like grabbing milk out of the fridge. If he slips I'm honestly afraid it might kill him. This has caused significant physical degradation. He can't sit at a computer chair for more than 2 hours before needing to lay down or in a recliner for at least 30 mins. Work didn't provide any accommodations and when they stopped work from home, he was left incapable of working, and work recommended he go on short term disability. The medical system is really slow, so they didn't even find out what the source of his pain was within the STD timeframe, and he was put on Long Term Disability. Eventually a specialist figured out what the nature of his condition was and found the first treatment that actually stopped the spasming, Nerve Ablation. Radiofrequency Nerve Ablation is supposed to be done every 3 months, but the spasming started again after about 6 weeks from his first procedure and was back to full strength by 8 weeks. Also this didn't remove all his pain, the nerve spasming has left his shoulders and chest in extreme musculoskeletal pain, his only relief is when he's motionless and medicated.
Pretty much right after his first procedure, his insurance called and basically told him his condition is being managed and that he is ready to go back to work. They didn't even get his condition right, they described it as musculoskeletal stiffness, so he was left with no option but to appeal. We got his whole medical file and I've been organizing it for him (it's an absolute nightmare). There is no rehabilitation plan from the doctors in the case file, which includes the doctor's notes from his dr.'s appointments. There's no 'moving forward', no plans from anyone. Oh also despite his condition being 'managed', the time between his first procedure and second procedure was over 4 months, instead of the 3 he was told was supposed to happen. So it's not like he's even getting the treatment he's supposed to on time. Even if it was on time it only relieved him for half that time, leaving him no opportunity to rehabilitate before the spasming starts again. Also there's a signed note from his family doctor from just weeks before the claim was dismissed saying he's not ready to return to work yet.
They seem to think that since it's an office and sedentary that he should be able to just return to work. He can't drive due to his meds, he can't walk from the car to the office, he can't carry any weight (a water bottle is too much for him on his spasming side and he needs a cane in his good hand) [also keep in mind the difference between carry and lift, he can lift a milk jug because it's done so quickly, as opposed to carrying that weight over a distance], and he couldn't sit in the office chair for more than 2 hours before laying down, and laying down specifically was not accommodated at his office back when he first was 'suggested' to go on Short Term Disability. Getting a chance to stand up and move is not enough.
Insurance cut him off, and just today his CPP disability claim was dismissed because his doctor didn't provide them with documentation in time. He's so worried about his own suicidality that he had my mom hide his pain meds so he wouldn't OD on them. This long, slow process has been chipping away at his mental fortitude, between the constant pain and the stress he's completely hopeless, a shell of himself. His cognition has also degraded in this time, from the pain or from the mental aspect, I don't know. It's been really scary to see him spiral, and I have definitely seen the most of his day to day. Despite all of this, he actually does want to return to the workforce when his condition is actually being managed, that's a major part of his despair actually, he sees himself as worthless if he doesn't work.
We're getting in contact with a disability lawyer to help, but I'm really hoping to find any and all assistance that might be available. Lawyers are expensive and without his disability claim he is dangerously close to being completely screwed financially. Please, any ideas?

be 15. your dad is an addict. at one point, around 2006, he broke his back. was prescribed roxycodone. you were born in 2009. about 2011, he gets sober. finally, you’re happy. mom is with dad, and you’re growing up slowly. your dad gets a job, and works almost every day all day. never really see dad, only be with mom. develop a very strong connection with mom. dad becomes an alcoholic, falling back into addiction. gets fired, and stays at home a lot more. gets more into smoking weed, and drinking. you’re 10 years old now, and your life is about to go down hill. notice that over time, your dad has become colder. constant arguments over nothing. constant yelling. never feeling important or loved. go to mom for help, mom is on 2 xanax everyday since she was 15. she’s very jaded, in her own mind often. okay, no emotional support from mom or dad. you’re 13 now. april of 2023, argue with dad. argument becomes so intense he walks to the kitchen, grabs a butchers knife and begins to drag the knife on his arm, implying he’s going to cut himself. never forget that. always have that, amongst the countless, painful, blocked out memories from your childhood to haunt you. move out when you’re 14 in october with your mom into an apartment. life is good, until she begins to cheat on your dad with the neighbor. dad is under the impression that they’re going to get back together. now you feel responsible to keep them together, try and comfort dad but realize he’s fucked. everything is just fucked. so now, your dad has chosen alcohol and drugs over you, and now your mom has abandoned you for men. dude she’s cheating with has been an alcoholic since he was 15. 15 is such a weird age, huh? he’s 35 now. talks about sex life with mom so much. move out in april of 2024 to aunt and uncles house. things are good for a while, but now that you’re at peace, you realize how empty you are. how you really haven’t done shit in 15 years but survive. december of 2023, dad gets a DUI. was high off xanax when he called you, telling you he’s gonna hit as many people on the road as he can. feel nothing. you’re so used to it, you don’t even care anymore. empty threats are all you’ve known. threats of suicide, murder, self harm, whatever. it’s all too much, so you steal 2 xanax from your mom, some wine, and a 1,000MG edible. throw up in the toilet, and practically fall asleep with your head in it. mom saw your most pathetic moment on this earth, and she didn’t seem to care much. now you’re here. 15. only thing you want to do is make music. no confidence. no money. no hope. 3 years until you’re 18. what are you going to do now? college? finish high school? i’d ask my friends, but i honest to god have none. absolutely none. you do homeschool, so you’re alone a lot. but you’re so scared of bullying, you’re too pussy to go to real school. so you just rot. you just cry, until you can’t anymore. until you have to chug 9 glasses of water to even get a tear out. this is life. this is all it is. it’s over at 15. over forever. you will never get another chance to be better. you are a failure. reflection of negativity, so negative your peers pick up on your suicidal thoughts without you saying anything.

It’s a 2007 BMW 335i. It was nice in its day, but it’s not the nicest anymore. The lights don’t work. A few of the speakers are blown out. The steering wheel has been replaced. It’s had hundreds of oil leaks. It’s been sitting so long it probably wouldn’t even start up.
We were 19 years old when my husband bought it. It was the coolest car in our apartment complex. He would never part with it. When we paid it off he said he’ll keep it as long as he can. Even when we were both turning 30 and he got his truck, he loved that car.
That car sat in our driveway on jacks with him and our under it, putting parts on it to lower it. I would bring them cold lemonade and hear them bicker over football and which players were better. Or they’d be in a heated debate over who would win in a fight an elephant or 30 gorillas. I’d hear my husband “Buddy, elephants are like, hella smart they could like figure out how to hit them with their nose” and then our son “but dad.. 30 of them?? You can’t stop 30 of them”
Ever since he passed away, the car means a lot more to me. I don’t let anyone touch it. I don’t even like people inside the garage because I don’t want them near it. The keys are locked in our safe. I’ll protect that car with my life.
Sometimes when our kids are at school I’ll go out and look at it. I’ll think back on all of the memories. Sometimes I’ll sit in the passenger seat but never the driver seat. I make sure nothing is touched. I look at his sunglasses, off to the side a bit in the cupholder. I look at the shifter. It’s up into gear 1, and he’d explain to our son in the backseat you turn it off, then put it into gear, just in case. I look at the steering wheel, he turned it a little to the left so the bumper wouldn’t scrape when he drove into the garage. And it’s perfect. Every scratch, every loose bolt for a part he looked up a YouTube video to figure out how to put on, every sticker including the one I hated that has a porn website on it but he thought it was funny.
It’s perfect because it’s exactly how he left it.

I'm gonna start this off by saying this is a vent post. It's really long and goes over all the big instances I can recall of animal cruelty happening in my childhood all the way to present, so it will be a lot of paragraphs. The timelines are estimates, but due to trauma I have poor memory involving dates when things happened, and this probably still isn't every incident, again just the big ones I can recall. Read at your own discretion.
I (19F) live with my grandparents (70M and 67F) and my parents (42 M 43 F). Due to some injuries from last year and some medical history, I am disabled and currently jobless, and in the process of trying to obtain disability, which is relevant for later.
Since I was as little as I can remember, my family has always had cats. I even grew up with some cats that ended up feeling like siblings for me not having anyone around them age to interact with until my sister was born when I was 8.
My parents have always loved cats, but I don't think truly ever valued cats. They've always been left outdoors, and eventually the elements always get them. I have never had a family pet that grew past the age 12. All of our cats have either been attacked by dogs that are also loose in my neighborhood, been suspected to have been tortured and unalived by neighbors, got sick, or got ran over, because my family doesn't care and will just 'replace" pets less than a year later.
When I was around 5, I had my very first pet kitten. This kitten was a runt, so it stayed small for a long time. It also was very hard to potty train, and because of this, they released it outside when it was maybe barely 7-8 weeks. He did good for about a month, but after that, he vanished. But there was evidence when he disappeared that there were large dog paw prints in our driveway because it was rainy that previous night, and his food bowl was dragged out in the yard, which he couldn't have done.
Also around 5, my aunt (at this time 13F) was living with us, as her mom (my mom's mom) wasn't taking good care of her and was in and out of jail. She had pet guinea pigs for a bit. My parents decided to feed the guinea pigs potatoes without doing any kind of research. One of them died. The other one was sick and anxious all the time, so my aunt decided to release it in our backyard? It was also winter. (I want to say that I do not blame her directly because she was still a child and in a similar situation to me, and my parents didn't care about the well-being of these poor guinea pigs anyways.)
And yet another story of around age 5, my dad bought the family a pet red-eared turtle. The tank was too small for her. My dad also thought it would be "funny" and "cool" to put fish in there with this turtle whenever we were about to go on vacation. She ate all the fish in the tank: Neons, goldfish, the tank cleaners, and whatever other fish species he put in that confined tank that wasn't more than 20 gallons. (Red-eared turtles alone need around 40 at minimum.)
But that's not all. While on vacation, both I and my 13 year-old aunt got baby yellow-belly sliders. We took them home, and we put them in the tank with our adult turtle. She ate the heads off of both of them. There was one goldfish left there as well, and I got traumatized seeing both the dead turtles, and seeing her eat that last gold fish in two chomps one time.
When I was around 6, my family randomly decided, "Let's own goats!" because they have a big backyard with an old shed. Well, they ended up buying a small amount of chicken wire fence and giving them outside of the barn about a few feet to move around when our backyard is fairly large and most of it wasn't being used. And we live in a residential area, so every night we had the goats, they would scream. My parents hated their screaming and started neglecting them more by giving them less attention, which only made them scream 24/7. Finally, my parents decided to give the goats to some distant family that has farmland. (We are in the south.)
When I was around 8-9, I got another cat. She was a pretty cat, but very mean and feisty. She didn't really like anyone, but I loved her regardless. This cat was too annoying for my parents to deal with because she had behavioral issues, and instead of taking her to the vet, they decided to make her start staying outside. She loved it, but a bit too much.
(Big TW: death and some descriptions of gore) One day, I had to help my mom deal with her corpse on the road. I was obviously really sad and fell into a deal depression. I also panicked and nearly threw up when I saw, because her eyeball was hanging out. It was so disturbing for a child to see. We buried her together, but I was made fun of one day by my parents for randomly crying about her death.
When I was around 10, I owned my third cat. She also had a brother from the same litter, and my mom had recently lost a cat that she did keep inside from kidney disease. I haven't had my own cat in a while, and they decided to adopt this sibling pair from the neighbors. I got the female, my mom got the male, because she is the type to insist that boy cats are better.
Anyways, I LOVED this cat. I did so much for her, and she loved me and followed me everywhere. We'd cuddle to sleep together. She was my best friend.
But my parents never got her fixed. They also never got the brother fixed. They ended up doing the tango (gross I know, but nature) and my cat had kittens a little bit less than a year old. Since she was too young for kittens, she at first didn't know what she was doing and even misplaced her first outside and ran to me while in labor with the second. I found that kitten and helped her with all 5 of her kittens, all girls also, and the kittens ended up getting close to me as well.
Of course, once they were around 6-7 weeks, my parents were wanting to start finding home for them. But they also had another idea in mind. They wanted me to get rid of my adult cat, and the brother cat as well, and we'd take one kitten. At first I was like no, but they manipulated me and convinced me a kitten would be better. I told them which kitten I wanted, and it looked a lot like my cat. But no, since they thought one of the cats might be distantly Siamese and thought it looked the coolest from it's tabby and Siamese-like pattern, they chose that one, and then dropped my beloved cat and her brother off at a cemetery, didn't even let me say bye. They just threw them away like pieces of garbage. And then I ended up resenting that kitten anyways for not being MY cat, so the family ended up crashing her as well, and she disappeared a few years later.
Around age 11-12, I somehow managed to have pet hermit crabs, another pet yellow-belly slider turtle, and two pet rabbits. My parents were basically throwing pets at me because I guess they felt guilty or something about what they did to me. I didn't end up taking care of any of them, and they all died of starvation and/or dehydration, and I still feel terrible about it. I was so depressed that I couldn't take care of myself either. And I was given animals on top of it, and I was forced to be a high schooler in school. The pets suffered at the cost of what? Why did I even have them?
Around age 13, my parents were driving me home from school, and we saw some Canada geese with their babies by a pond. I'm sure you know where this is going, considering everything else. My mom convinced me to jump out of the car with her, and she distracted the adult geese while I caught a baby one. I knew that in itself was bad, but I didn't know Canada geese were such a protected species.
The little guy imprinted on me. I loved him, he would follow me around the yard. But once again my parents got out that chicken fence, only this time it was on the side of the house, and no shed for him to take cover in (still like a few feet of movement max.) He was growing fast, and he was plucking his feathers. A neighbor noticed and told us to get rid of him or we'd call authorities. They lied and said we "found him and rescued him." I was told to lie about this narrative for years. They ended up dropping him back off at the pond we got him from about two months after we first got him. He couldn't fly, his family wasn't there. He was defenseless. I still feel terrible to this day, I know I was manipulated, but I was 13. And again, I defend my aunt and she was also 13, so I really don't know.
When I was 15, that first turtle I mentioned was still there at our house for all those years. She had quite literally been there for a decade. My parents got tired of having to clean her tank, and she was obviously too big for it as well. But was their response to upgrade tanks and the old filtering system that's been there all that time? Nope. While I was at school, he just...released her. And not in a pond or anything, you know, being an aquatic turtle. (Not like that would be better, but better than what he did.) He just put her outside, in our front driveway. She ran away surprisingly fast according to him. An aquatic pet turtle. Just released in a residential neighborhood. I'm totally sure nothing awful happened to her.( /sarcasm.)
When I was also 15, this was when the pandemic hit. I was super depressed and bored all the time. But then a female stray cat came to our house and had kittens behind a board against my grandparents house. I started fostering them and their mom immediately. I didn't know at the time that we had any no kill shelters nearby, and neither did my parents. When the kittens were old enough, we started rehoming them. There were 3 in total. 1 got a home. The other was still outside for some reason and disappeared. The other one became my pet, whom was at first the family pet. But then they decided that he was too annoying (because he was sweet and affectionate and not what they wanted out of cats which was mean, feisty, playful.)
He is the sweetest boy ever and is still alive to this day, but because I still live with my horrible family, he has to be outdoors, and he gets really scabby from the bugs outside during the summer. As soon as I can I will move out, take him to the vet, and take him out of this home. He shouldn't have to be here.
A few years ago, my sister (11F but maybe 9F at the time) got her own kitten. He ended up growing up to be sweet and affectionate like my cat, so neither her nor my parents want him and he's outdoors, so I'll probably try to take him too.
My sister now has her own new cat that's about a year old she got last year. So far she's not abandoning him since he's a mix of sweet and playful, but my parents have talked about making him indoor-outdoor, which really means "Indoor-outdoor for a few days but after a while we'll just leave him outside and let him stay there."
As a child, I was taught so many messed up things about animals. That dogs are disgusting, gross, and pets have no feelings, and I was taught that cats also have no feelings as a child, but that they are at least a more fun and less gross pet. In fact, in my parent's eyes, no animals have feelings or sentience or any of those things. They are just play things for our benefit. Because of this, as a child I also did not treat animals with the respect they deserve, and I acknowledge this. I have been unlearning so much of this behavior since I was about 13, the goose that I had was my wakeup call.
Please, I know it may seem crazy to some that I out of all people are speaking on this, but if you own animals, please keep them indoors. And with cats specifically, if they crave outside, harness train them. Buy/build a cheap patio in your window if possible. Just don't let them roam free. They will kill so much wildlife. Having to also deal with the grief of my pets killing and bringing dead rabbits, moles, birds opossums, etc. is also a lot. It heavily effects your surrounding ecosystem as well, because annually house cats are estimated to kill over a billion birds and over 6 billion mammals. That's disastrous, and could be avoided if there weren't so many bad pet owners.
Also, don't get animals that go in tanks/terrariums/cages in general if you don't have the money to get them the most spacious enclosure with ALL of their needs. Don't put fish in bowls, it effects their eyesight and shortens their lifespans SIGNIFICANTLY. In general, do not get a pet unless you have the financial means to do so AND if you've thoroughly researched that pet, get it ethically sourced, and if you make sure you have the mental capacity to care for an animal. ANIMALS ARE NOT TOYS. ANIMALS ARE NOT HERE FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT, FOR OUR JOY. THEY ARE LIVING BEINGS WITH THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, AND A LIFE. THEY DESERVE RESPECT AND DECENCY. NO, THEY DESERVE BEYOND DECENCY, THEY DESERVE TO BE WORSHIPPED AND NURTURED AND SPOILED BY US, NOT TORMENTED AND ABUSED! Thank you.
Also, if you somehow got this far, please read my previous story and give me advice on that one if you have the time, but if not that's perfectly okay. My living situation sucks, but hopefully things can change. I'm counting on a change to happen soon.

My dad was never really in my life growing up. I don't have too many memories of him, but his drinking was a driving factor in a lot of our family problems. Quite frankly, he caused more trauma than anything positive in my upbringing. He drank himself into oblivion despite my constant begging to quit. Growing up, I always wanted to go NC, but I didn't because he had a debilitating stroke in my late teens (a result of his chronic drinking). I stuck around to help the family, not him.
I'm reminded that he financially supported me until I was a teenager, that he never hit me, and he never successfully walked out on us (yes, he often threatened it). And for that I should be grateful. To a degree I am.
I stay involved out of obligation, but I keep wondering if I need to forgive him. If you had a neglectful parent, did you forgive them? What was your process and why did you forgive them?

I'm the same guy that posted that the Independent Order of Odd Fellows cemetery by Acker park was in disrepair and tried finding resources to help turn it around. Here's the link if anyone is interested. I'm still trying.
While walking through the cemetery I came across a gravestone marked "G.M. Robbins - The "End of the Trail" for "Yellowstone Pete" after 25,000 miles by mule train, may he rest in peace" and it got me interested in finding out more about the person. It turns out that Yellowstone Pete holds a place in Americana culture, and really did travel by mule train. There are several pictures linked here that have him, his wife, and mules. I'd love to hear more about him if anyone has more details.
Imgur album of photos I collected. The one that has "OH HOW WE HATE TO WORK" is a postcard that I ordered from Etsy while researching Yellowstone Pete.
There's even a poem about his only daughter.
Yellowstone Pete's Only Daughter was originally published in the book “Rhymes from a Round-up Camp, 1903, and written by Wallace David Coburn in 1894. The book of poetry has been published in 21 different editions. Coburn wrote the preface of the book in Malta, Montana.
Yes, this is the Milk River Valley,
And that's the old ranch that you see,
Where Yellowstone Pete lost his daughter,
The pride of the 7 U. P.
Was she pretty?-Well, stranger, your knowledge
Of these parts is shore incomplete,
When you ask such a comical question
'Bout the daughter of Yellowstone Pete.
Why, man! If the heavens were bluer,
And pansies were deeper in hue ,
They couldn't "size up" with her peepers,
Which shone like the spring poet's dew.
Her teeth were like snowdrops made whiter,
Her hair like the sealskin she wore,
Only softer and silkier and browner,
And she was true blue to the core.
Was old Yellowstone Pete's only daughter,
Whose voice was the envy of birds,
As she warbled at night to the long-horns,
Or when pointing her father's trail herds.
She was happy and good and as loving
As an angel could possibly be,
With always a smile and a greeting,
For tough old cow-punchers like me.
But what I was startin' to narrate,
Before you cut into the game,
Was a love affair she tangled up in,
And the tragical end of the same.
You see, she was borned in this country,
Her mother, a woman of gold,
Kissed her baby and lined out for Heaven,
When Beauty was seven days old.
The boys, you see, nicknamed her "Beauty,"
And each one, he fought for his turn
At feedin' her out of the bottle,
But dress her -- we never could learn.
So Pete he sent off for a nurse girl
And a teacher (not stunning for looks),
To give her the care of a woman,
And learn her the knowledge of books.
Thus Beauty grew up at the home ranch,
And learned how to shore ride and shoot,
Also play and sing on the pianer,
And to tie down a wild steer to boot.
And charming-- why, partner, the sunbeams
They scrapped for the sweets of her face,
And the alkali dust and the zephyrs
They jockeyed to get second place.
So was it a wonder young Dawson,
The son of a neighbor of Pete,
Lost his heart to this rose of the prairie,
And his love for her couldn't be beat?
“Buck"-- that was the handle he went by,
Had pre-empted some learnin' at school,
Was a handsome and big, manly feller,
And in a gun-fight was shore cool.
And there wasn't no man round the country,
Could ride with him down the Red Lane,
He could rope, fork, and ride with clean saddle
Any outlaw that ever wore mane.
They'd been youngsters and brought up together,
And Dawson was shorely dead game,
His father a wealthy old-timer,
All burdened with early-day fame.
Yes, Beauty loved "Buck," that was certain,
But a gal's ways are never foreseen,
And you can't tell what's liable to happen
Be-tween the betwixt and between.
So when a young feller from college
Comes a-romancin' like out this way,
Well, things looked a little promiscuous,
And there was the devil to pay.
Of course, he was welcomed by Beauty,
As the flowers are welcomed in May;
His college pin pleased her, I reckon,
And he had a girl-catchin' way.
But wait till I roll me a smoke, pard,
To filter my bad feelin's down,
Makes me wanter shore squander some powder
When I ponder on that sneakin' houn'.
Well, we was all out on the round-up,
When this college masher, you see,
Ran off with old Yellowstone's daughter,
The pride of the 7 U. P.
Now, old Pete he shore worshipped his daughter,
Loved her better than money or life,
For she was the pride of his old age--
The gift of his beautiful wife.
So he and young Dawson together,
With hearts like the lead in their guns,
Hit the trail of this college-bred villain,
And secured him before many suns.
The gal they found up in Butte City­-
He'd deserted her up there, you know;
But Dawson caught him near the border,
Where numerous cottonwoods grow.
And there, in the depths of the forest,
With the beasts and the birds lookin' on,
They fought to the death with their bowies,
Till the Eastern-bred feller was gone.
And Beauty-- she married "Buck" after,
But never seemed happy or gay,
Like the Beauty we'd worshipped from childhood,­-
She just drooped, shrunk, and withered away.
Yes, she paled like the flowers in summer,
And died with the leaves in the fall ;
And we buried her close to her mother,
While the sunshine went out of us all.
Poor old Pete, his hair white as the snowdrift,
And eyes that stare vacant and old,
Sits and sobs at the foot of two gravestones,
All alone, whether hot days or cold.
All alone? No, for Buck often joins him,
Grim and stern, with his face like a stone;
Never smiling nowdays like he used to,
When he tries he winds up with a moan.
No, the sun don't shine quite as it used to,
And the wind has a lonesomer sound,
As it sings soft and mournful in summer,
And howls when old winter comes round.
Here are the links to original photos:
https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/news-photo/yellowstone-pete-passes-through-yellowstone-pete-news-photo/161995779
https://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/rppc-goldie-marion-robbins-aka-1904877006
https://www.phillipscountynews.com/story/2016/09/14/news/yellowstone-petes-only-daughte4302.html
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/52400720/goldie-marion-robbins/photo

Including the movies, I also watched Atlantis before SG-1 because the practical effects for the symbiotes freaked me out too much in ep1 so my bf had to gradually get me into it lol. Also apologies for the points being all over the place series-wise I'm going from freshest memories to weakest and I apologise if a lot of my complaints are dumb I do genuinely love the series.
The biggest point I wanted to make is searching through this sub I found a post from liek 4 years ago that resonated so hard with me, shoutout to the person wh osaid they wanted to climb Daniel like a tree, based.
Speaking of: the whole glasses on-glasses off Daniel was jarring, does his eyesight just get magically better and then not or are the glasses just to make scenes hotter? Also how many times does this man need to ascend? Jesus.
I gotta admit, it REALLY weirded me out, the whole symbiote thing at first, especially calling Teal'c symbiote at first "Junior" like.. maybe I'm a bit terminally online but the amount of horrific MPreg art I've had to see of other fandoms it really weirded me out. I'm glad Tretonin became a thing.
Also another thing that seemed to occur a lot was peoples wives getting stolen by other men, like probably the hardest thing for someone to go through, very rude, none of those good boys deserved to be cuckolded like that.
Mitchell grew on me, at first I think his writing was really weak but he became one of my favorites (i'd climb him like a tree too), I liked his demeanor and I wish he got to show more of him flying jets around. Vala was fun but I really don't know how they could just accept the apology of a woman who tried to steal a US space battleship and grope all over Daniel when he clearly wasn't into it. Little weird to write him into being into her later on but I guess I'm just happy he got to heal and have closure about his (ex?)-wife.
Tok'ra sucked. Hated them. All they ever did was screw over SG-1 and use them and they kept claiming they were homies. Nah they basically said 'fuck you you're untrustworthy even though you let us slurp up Carters dad and saved our asses including one of our queens' and the big fuck you of being completely absent during the Ori season.
I actually liked the Ori as a villain, I hated Adrea though she was just.. weird, why hot mommy leading a bunch of old magic dudes? Why didn't we use the anti-prior devices more? Why did SG-1 just actively get fucked at every turn? WHY DIDNT WE SHOOT ADREA WHEN THE BIG OLD DRAGON WAS COMING SHE WAS POWERLESS HELLO?
Also during the movies I got really excited about the Achilles being the boat even if it's... a boat. He's just my favorite mythology guy. I also cried every time Daniel got hurt or sad in the movies and wanted to give up, Michael Shanks is a awesome actor. Also I'm in the camp of liking Ark of Truth (dumb weapon but still) more than Continuum, maybe because Continuum ending meant no more fun space friends :(
EDIT EDIT EDIT: I JUST REMEMBERED PETE. WHO THE FUCK IS PETE. WHY IS HE SUDDENLY CARTERS BF. WHY IS HE SO WEIRD. WHY IS HE HERE. YUCK YUCK YUCK #SAYNOTOPETE im so glad she noped out of being with that fucking WEIRDO who we just decided to tel leverything about the stargate program to because he got in a shootout like?? no?? stop??
also the fraiser dying episode goes hard i loved it i missed her so much but i loved it the new doctor thats landry's daughter? fuck her rude bitch i bet she doesn't even give out lollipops she just calls you fat and to "lose weight, fatty" :(
Also shoutout to the naked space flower planet episode it was so good I loved how weird it was.
Extra Bonus thoughts: Rodney McKay is incredible and funny as hell in Atlantis and I hated how the kept being racist / fucking over the one Wraith literally giving their "we're gonna make you un-suckables now" treatment a try, and how the ending was just driving off in a convertible to some rad music? Okay that was kinda based
Extra Extra bonus, I just watched Universe first episode last night. A few takeaways other than how sad this shit is trying to be.

1. I don't even remember his name but are you seriously going to put the supposed (I think) self-insert protag in a fucking "YOU ARE HERE" shirt to really drive the point home? CAN I REALLY JUST PLAY VIDEOGAMES TO BECOME PART OF THE STARGATE TEAM? WHAT
2. That sex scene jumpscared me I literally covered my face until it was over
3. no eye candy so far character wise 0/10 except for our old homies showing up
4. i'm not gonna cry over a politician dying no matter how sad you try to paint it lol

ANYWAY thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings of my thoughts of the Stargate shows as a new fan I love my space friends and I hope they are having an incredible space life THANKS heres a real reaction of me takin all the stargate content i can get i miss my space friends

Synopsis:
Carlos was an ordinary software engineer on Earth, up until he died and found himself in a fantasy world of dungeons, magic, and adventure. This new world offers many fascinating possibilities, but it's unfortunate that the skills he spent much of his life developing will be useless because they don't have computers.
Wait, why does this spell incantation read like a computer program's source code? Magic is programming?
___
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"So, in short, the most stuck-up bully of my life is now begging for our help to fulfill his greatest dream, because we've happened to become his only remotely realistic hope of achieving it. Do I have that right?"
Carlos looked up from his plate of succulent roasted meats and vegetables, all covered generously with a rich gravy, and raised an eyebrow at Amber. They were in Mayor Stelras's personal dining room, enjoying the service of his personal chef. "You know you do. You've read the letter yourself, what, a dozen times now?"
Amber set the letter aside yet again and took another bite of her own lunch. "Yeah, I know. It's just…" She shook her head and chuckled. "Out of all the things that happened the last few weeks, this one is somehow the hardest for me to believe is real. It's ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous. I've personally met and spoken with royalty! Kindar should be nothing compared to that! But, somehow… This is hitting me harder than anything."
Carlos nodded calmly. "Makes sense to me. The presence of royalty is completely new to you. It's huge and important, and far beyond anything you ever expected might happen, but the only thing you've experienced before that's different is its absence. You don't have any memories in the back of your mind telling you 'that's not how this is supposed to work.' For Kindar, you have a lifetime of memories telling you that he's more powerful and better supported than you are, and that you're mostly helpless against his bullying. Now that you're the one in power, and he's the one helpless against you, that's not just new, but contradicts a lot of your past experiences. Some part of you in the back of your mind is having difficulty reconciling the contradiction; it's like you have a subconscious voice shouting 'that's wrong; it's not how this is supposed to work!' For meeting Princess Lornera, that voice is only confused and surprised, not feeling like something's wrong."
"Hmm." Amber cocked her head and paused. She looked down and idly speared another forkful of tender steak. She made a few more contemplative sounds as she chewed and swallowed. "That makes some weird kind of sense. I think." She shook her head. "How did you know that? I never would have figured it out."
Carlos chuckled. "Don't feel bad about it. Not many people would ever figure out that kind of thing about how human minds work without being taught. I certainly didn't. My dad's a therapist, and he taught me a lot."
Amber blinked, then blinked again. "I have never heard of that profession before. In fact, I think it doesn't exist here."
Carlos realized on reflection that "therapist" hadn't translated. There was no word for it in Ganler, the native language here. "Huh. … I hadn't thought about it, but I'm not surprised. It took a long time for people where I grew up to realize that kind of thing can be important. Or maybe the hard part was realizing that it takes education and training to do it well."
"Ah."
They ate mostly in silence for a while, occasionally humming in thoughtful consideration while they chewed. Eventually Amber was leaning on her elbow, just watching as Carlos scraped up a few last bits of gravy from his plate. She stared distantly at nothing. "Hmm… You know, I'm tempted to actually accept, just so I can rub his face in how I succeeded better at his own greatest ambition than he ever will."
"Hmm? Oh right, Kindar." Carlos chuckled. "I imagine a few sessions of smugly condescending to him would be rather cathartic revenge for you. Would it be worth the downside of helping him actually achieve his ambition, at least to a minor degree, though? I'm sure that if Darmelkon had any other viable options for helping his son with this, he would have taken care of it years ago. If we refuse, we'll be denying Kindar from achieving his ambition at all. Wouldn't that be better revenge?"
"Logically, yeah, that makes sense. But it just doesn't feel satisfying to me." Amber took a sip of water and pushed her empty plate away. "I want to show him how badly we outclass him now. I want to see his face when he realizes that he will never measure up to the 'annoying stupid girl' he used to tease."
Carlos put his hands together, resting his elbows on the table, and rested his chin on his hands as he looked at Amber. "Not to mention how much money Darmelkon will pay us for doing it." His voice was calm and level.
Amber nodded quickly. "Yes, that too."
"You realize we're already rich now, right? Receiving taxes, and all that."
Amber threw her head back laughed uproariously. When her laughter finally tapered off, she leaned forward and looked Carlos in the eyes. "You may have heard that Darmelkon is rich, but you clearly don't understand how filthy rich he really is. Yes, I was shocked when he offered a hundred gold bounty for finding us back before we became nobles, but that was only because I didn't know why he considered us valuable. For this? For helping his son achieve his otherwise impossible greatest desire? A price in platinum would be cheap! I would bet that he'll pay in mythril and be glad about it."
"Hmm." Carlos quickly did the math in his head. 100 gold was roughly equivalent in value here to a million dollars on Earth, and is also equal to 1 platinum. So 1 million dollars per platinum. 100 platinum is 1 mythril. So each mythril coin is around the same order of magnitude value as 100 million dollars. Just 10 mythril to match a billion dollars. "Okay, that's more than I thought. So he's a major business tycoon? What the hell is he doing living in a backwater in the middle of nowhere like Erlen?"
Amber shrugged. "I have no idea. Ask him."
Carlos stared for a moment and snorted. "I suppose it doesn't matter." He took a deep breath. "Alright, I guess we're at least seriously considering it after all. So, let's break it down, pros and cons. Pros: personal satisfaction for you, Darmelkon loses any basis for claiming we still owe him a favor, and we get a ridiculous amount of money. Cons: Kindar becomes a noble. Also, we have to put up with him being here for a while. Anything else?"
"Another one for pros: Even with the favor and Darmelkon paying so much, Kindar himself will personally owe us, bigtime." Amber grinned. "His house will just about be permanent vassals in service to us."
Carlos hesitated, then frowned. "… Just how much, and how long, do you intend to keep paying him back for how he treated you?"
Amber raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "…Until I get tired of it? I don't know."
"I'm all for giving him a well-deserved comeuppance, turning the tables, and giving him a taste of his own medicine to teach him a lesson. But I will not countenance continuing to humiliate and abuse him long term!" Carlos shook his head emphatically. "If we do that, we would be bullies just as bad as he was. I hate bullies, and I refuse to be one."
Amber slowly lowered her eyes, blushed, and nodded shyly. "I… You're right. That is not the kind of person I want to be. I'm sorry for suggesting it."
Carlos leaned forward and reached out to gently put his right hand on top of her hands. "It's okay. What's important is that you recognize your mistakes, learn from them, and make yourself a better person. My parents taught me that very, very thoroughly."
"Yeah." Amber sighed and shook herself. "Thanks. I'll try to remember that. And… Should we just call off the whole idea?"
"Only if you truly want to." Carlos squeezed her hands gently. "If you can get some satisfaction without taking it too far, then that's completely okay, and you were right that there are serious benefits to it. Even having him as a vassal house, as long as we treat him reasonably. Though… Hmm." He frowned. "There has to be a reason why strong noble houses aren't raising up new vassal nobles all the time, right? It's not all that hard to make a noble soul plan if you know the requirements details."
"I suppose. Lorvan probably knows the reason."
Carlos nodded. "Yeah. I feel like he might just ask if we can figure it out ourselves, like he did about nobles keeping mana wellsprings, though…" He shrugged. "I'm sure Darmelkon knows too, and he wouldn't have asked if the Crown forbids it, or anything like that. He's ambitious and ruthless, not stupid. We should ask, certainly, but I expect any consequences we might have overlooked will be manageable. As I see it, the core question is just…" Carlos reached his other hand forward, firmly clasped and lifted both of Amber's hands, and looked her in the eyes. "Amber, what do you want to do with this?"
Amber stared back for a moment, then averted her gaze. "Don't you have an opinion about this too? Why are you only asking me?"
"Of course I have an opinion, but all he did to me was loan me a sword in a dungeon and then act rude and arrogant when he demanded it back afterward. You are the one who grew up being bullied by him. How to treat him matters far more to you than it possibly could to me." Carlos squeezed Amber's hands reassuringly. "Amber, please, look at me." He waited, and after a few seconds Amber hesitantly turned her head to face him directly again. "My opinion on this is that I want our response to be something that you will be content and happy with. All other relevant considerations that I can think of are less important than that."
Amber stared and slowly nodded. "I… Thank you." She squeezed Carlos's hands back and awkwardly extracted her hands from his grip so she could lean forward and rest her head on them, propped up by her elbows on the table. "I think… I do want to accept, but maybe with some conditions. I still want to show him up in person and see his reaction. Part of me still feels afraid of him, and I want to prove to myself that he doesn't have the power to threaten me anymore. That seems like something your 'therapists' would say something about. Would they say it's a good idea? Do you know?"
Carlos nodded. "Yes, absolutely. Standing up to something you used to fear is a great way to resolve residual fear of it that lingers in your mind."
"Then, yeah. I want to do that, and I do still want to get some payback." Amber hesitated. "But if I start bullying people like he did, I'd start hating myself as soon as I realize it. So, no bullying. And that goes for Kindar too. If he can't learn to stop being a bully, then he doesn't deserve what he wants. Let's give him a chance. Make our conditions clear, and demand partial payment up front, but give him an opportunity to earn our help."
"That sounds fair." Carlos cocked his head and frowned in thought. "Having him with us may require adjusting some of our plans. … Actually, we're overdue for making certain plans in the first place. I got a bit too carried away with my excitement over all the spell keywords we can learn now. Sorry."
Amber grinned. "Have you forgotten that I told you I'm well known for always having a plan? What do you think I've been doing the past two days?"
Carlos raised an eyebrow, then grinned back at her. "Oh really? Let's see what you've got!"
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At least a year ago, I was struck by a sudden suspicion that my foster dad from when I was three may have done something sexual with me, and it's been on and off ever since. The only issue is that my mother says I was very vocal as a child, and would have talked to her about it. Ever since that suspicion (and especially very recently when I became more determined to get to the bottom of my suspicion), discussing rape has become an increasingly strong trigger for me. I do not display signs of hypersexuality (unless you count tying oneself up, masturbating, possibly knowing what sex was, and rape fantasies around the age of 4-6), actually the opposite. I do not believe I have had an eating disorder either. The only impression I have is a being lifted and a dark room. Any advice on how to proceed or whether to take this suspicion with a grain of salt is appreciated.
(Update: I received sudden flashes and feelings/a memory of him (possibly) covering my mouth and the feeling of being penetrated, but I am still doubting.)

Both my parents (50) just found out their pre-diabetic, unfortunately they have horrible memories from my gma dying from diabetes so now they're talking about life insurance polices and mortgage protection. Doing my own little research I realized those two plans are pretty much the same... I would prefer for them to get life insurance but can someone explain which life insurance policy is better? Term or permeant? We're a family of 6 (4 kids and 2 parents) they own some cars and a house that still needs to be paid off. Also side note, their children are all over the age of 18. Our house is insured by liberty mutual so I was just thinking maybe getting life insurance through them? Or can someone recommend me companies I can look into that have good polices? My dad wants to retire around 65 does that also contribute to policy type?
I didnt learn any of this in school so i'm not sure what to look for in this type of scenarios /: pls helpppp!!

Ever since I can remember ive been obese. I was obese since I was at least 4. I was raised by My grandparents on my dad's side from the time I was little bit under a year and half old both of my parents at the time were in active meth addiction and had been for years. A lot of my Memories of doing fun things as a kid seem to revolve around food. I also used to sneak into the fridge and cupboards and get food. My grandparents took me out to eat a lot and kind of spoiled me with food and looking back used it as a reward. I did always eat my fruits and vegetables and was encouraged to eat all my food and as I got older I'd ask for seconds or I'd sneak food after being told I couldn't have more. I also snacked a lot looking back in hindsight I think I was just bored a lot so I snacked I also had a bad habit of just putting random things in my mouth and chewing on them without thinking like my hair, shirt collar and plastic bottle caps. Now I'm just trying to get back into and staying focused on doing CICO and losing weight.

So I have another question, that is loosely based on a weather memory I had.
Anyone remember the April 27,2011 outbreak?
Well during that time, my dad was about to depart on his plane (and was inside the plane) when the tornado warning hit his airport, hard.
And he did survive and his plane took off, and I was reflecting on it on a date far into the future.
On that particular day (by that I mean far into the future, WAAAAY after the outbreak) I asked my dad where he took shelter in the April 27th 2011 outbreak and he said “I was in the plane” And at the time I was baffled because, he’s in the cockpit of the plane, with windows in front of his face, and his passengers are basically forced to be in their seatbelts with windows to the side of them.
Not only that, at the time I asked I also thought there was no way a big plane could survive a fricking tornado or severe thunderstorm if a tornado certainly caused damage to an airport.
But my dad reassured me that a plane is easily bigger and stronger than a tornado.
It’s hard for me to explain from memory but surely anyone who’s been on a plane when severe weather hits can relate to at least one part of the question of “is it physically possible to survive a tornado while inside a big jet airliner plane?”