Using that term I ask, is this relationship to far gone?
Basically she absolutely abandoned me at my lowest point I’ve ever been in and especially after I supported her for 13 months when she lost her liscence driving her to every appointment and booking to and from work tolls and fuel, never asked her for a cent got treated like an Uber. Did everything around the house including buying the cats food,littler etc on top of paying my portion of the mortgage and she turns around and says why don’t i ever have any money and that she resents me because my financial stability is bad…. Since moving into our house I’ve constantly encouraged her and pushed her to bloom putting my needs and emotions on the backbuner. After I lost my money and job I voice up one night that I had thoughts of hanging myself and her response was:maybe you should move out as I don’t know how to help you.And spun this bullshit saying that we’ve gotten out of routine etc when in reality I never did I’d been in it the whole time and I just kept my mouth shut to keep the peace. Last second last night I was in the house I went to kiss her goodnight and she moved away and I was like wtf? And she went on to say I resent you and rolled over. Last night in the house she abused the shit out of me saying I had some of her ket even known she knows I don’t touch it because I got raped on it. and I slept on the couch and then moved my important shit out the next day to my mates and slept in the car for the rest of that week and then following week in my mates garage with Lola (my 6 month old pup)until I was able to get into an apartment. And then not seeing her for 2 weeks, she has a suspicious herpies outbreak on her lip…..sus
I'm aware theirs going to be keyboard heros... Don't be that guy please 🥴

On the M2 iPPro 12.9”, I had both keyboards. On days when I was going to be far more mobile, and/or knew I’d be making sketches/drawings or taking copious handwritten notes, I’d sport the Smart keyboard folio. It was lighter than the old MK+12.9” combo, which was nice, but more importantly I had basic keyboard input abilities and a really easy way to flip that keyboard around 180 degrees and use my tablet in tablet mode. Obviously, cannot do this with MK, have to remove the tablet from the MK to do this comfortably. And in with the M4 13”, the tablet is so incredibly thin that I actually find it a bit tougher to balance in one hand while sketching with another, which I do frequently when presenting materials to an audience via AirPlay.
I’m guessing I just need to go to a straight up case or folio (sans keyboard) and swap it out for the MK to accomplish this now that the Smart Keyboard folio is no longer an option? I’ve been hoping the Apple patents of a full “fold back” MK would come out this year but nope.
How are you handling this?

Im (31M) an American but always rejected Christianity growing up, as i was forced to attend at a Presbyterian church despite my parents not even being diligent enough to have had me baptized (secular Presbyterian you might say?).
once i was an adult i broke away and didn't want anything to do with it but became fond of eastern religion after discovering Alan Watts. i think it was the ritual and reverence that drew me in. i was also extremely neurotic before becoming Buddhist so the practice of acceptance helped me a lot in my personal life. about a year ago i was approached by a Pentecostal missionary (his denomination was not made known to me at the time, nor did i have the theological knowledge to identify it in the beginning). He asked if i would be interested attending a bible study.
ive always been interested in history/philosophy so i took him up on his offer with the intention of just observing and getting a better understanding of how Christianity has impacted the world and guided the actions of our ancestors but no real intention on being converted.
fast forward 6 months and i had this really emotional dream, to which i woke up crying (i almost NEVER cry) with this feeling that all of my mistakes had been forgiven or that i was given a second chance at life. but that morning i repented and and accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.
at this point the missionary i was studying with said that i need to be baptized in water. "seems pretty straight forward." i thought, then he went on to say that i also need to be baptized in the holy spirit,, okay not really sure what that means. but i humor him until he tells me that i need to speak in tongues to go to Heaven. immediately this feels wrong. at this point i became interested in theology and determined this missionary was either Pentecostal or Assemblies of God. but he wouldn't openly claim any denomination.
At this point i suspended my bible studies and started just trying churches that were close to me going Sundays and Wednesdays. the first i tried was a ELCA Lutheran church down the road from me and everyone was so welcoming and kind. the church is relatively small and averages 70 or so members in attendance. and about 85% of them were likely over the age of 75. i continued to try about 4 other churches (non denominational, Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist) but the Lutheran church service was just so much more impactful. i loved the old reverent music, the liturgy, the fact that we actually READ from the bible instead of the pastor choosing 2 passages then spending an hour telling about some childhood story that's vaguely related to them.
after about a month of church searching the ELCA pastor was the only one that sought me out to see how my search was going. he proposed that i come for 3 services back to back before making my final decision and by that time i was sure i wanted to be a Lutheran.
i appreciate how patient you all have been in answering my questions prior to this and i am looking forward to my baptism in a couple weeks.
God bless and Peace be with you!

How Pehchaan the Street School emerged thus became a light that keeps emphasizing the hope and capacitation of underprivileged children for almost a decade. The institution fulfills its function of supplying good education and love through its unyielding commitment, and so it has changed many lives. The latest victory of Deepak presents the world with the indomitable spirit and unshakeable resolve portrayed by the group of talented students and the hard-working management of Pehchaan The Street School.
Deepak embarked on his journey four years ago with a bold challenge to the founder: the satisfaction of having a laptop as long as he scored 75% or more in the 12th standard. With Pehchaan The Street School’s encouragement, Deepak did what was thought impossible and scored 83%, which is unbelievable. His mastery does not only mean victory over himself but also represents the collective victory of any Pehchaan The Street School student.
For Deepak, the first one from his family to get through the 12th grade boards is recognition of the success of Pehchaan's efforts. Through remarkable high scores in the fields of economics and leadership, he has always succeeded in making his family and the entire Pehchaan The Street School community proud. After all, this accomplishment has been the direct outcome of the team's everlasting supporter and mentor roles in the process that made Deepak what he is now.
The profile of the school, Pehchaan The Street School has worked to give underprivileged children a voice. The organization has been performing roles such as providing access to quality education and fostering a supportive environment, and it has made an impact on the lives of affected students. Deepak's victory, although just one feat among many, is symbolic of many triumphs attained throughout the Pehchaan The Street School team's, students, and supporters combined effort.
Pehchaan The Street School platform includes a website, YouTube channel, and Instagram account as well, where the school community promotes their inspiring and successful stories about various initiatives and graduates’ achievements. Through these platforms, the organization is giving its audience the opportunity to see the whole process, from its students accomplishments to the overall struggles that take the team forward.
While there is such narration, Krish’s journey into Pehchaan The Street School, started seven years ago when he was in school and later dropped out. Krish takes advantage of his connection with the organization and blooms as an artist, and he is also studying through open education or correspondence education now. Through the life story of a boy who eventually won specialized education and support, the protagonist of the play showcases the power of the school in its ability to identify untapped talents.
Just like Raj, a 6th grader, students and teachers are interconnected in such a way that beautifully defines the term “Pehchaan”.The fact that he distances himself from his unsupportive family in favor of learning reveals that there is a really nurturing environment at the organization.
Likewise, Ayush, a fourth-grade student, shows how much pupils love and respect their teacher in class. The students feel confident and secure when they interact with those that they trust. The organization enacted his motivation to study to become a doctor since it set up a sustainable environment for his growth.
This echoes the endeavor of Pehchaan The Street School, which is unique in that it wants all of its students to chase their dreams and to be able to realize them. Moreover, the bright future of Pehchaan The Street School, as imagined by Himanshi and Deepanshi, two of its students, is a mirror of what the organization is all about.
Through Rajvir's transformation as a learner who had difficulty with basic school concepts emerging as a student from Delhi's popular school, the organization not only proved its capacity to recognize and nurture talents but also substantiated its strengths as a knowledge provider and capacity builder.
The emotional exclamation of the founder, "GUYS, we did it!!!!" beautifully entangles the story and the whole Pehchaan The Street School community. Profoundly, Deepak's achievement is not only about him; it's a celebration of what the collective efforts of everyone involved in the process have achieved. These feelings of pride and the overall sense of completion leave no doubt about the purpose behind the non-profit's drive to help underprivileged children.
Walking alongside Pehchaan The Street School in this journey of emancipation, the tales of Deepak, Krish, Raj, Kush, Himanshi, Deepanshi, and Rana exemplify the force of education and emancipation. In addition, these stories show an organization’s profound capacity to create an environment where young talents can grow and less privileged students can achieve their full potential.
Ending up in the epitome of the power of group cooperation and the effect of education, the path of Pehchaan The Street School corroborates. Along with the project stories of its past alumni, the organization encourages the audience to keep in mind the organization’s dedication to making changes in the lives of unprivileged children. Pehchaan The Street Schools’ legacy of enabling will continue to grow on the shoulders of these children, and eventually, we can help to create a better tomorrow for everyone. "Knowledge is the true organ of sight, not the eyes." Swami Vivekananda.
To learn more about our goal and how we have changed lives, please visit: Website: https://pehchaanstreetschool.org Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXd4gnTazJh3JugKENt5yog Instagram: @pehchaanstreetschool For any queries, you can also contact: +91 9711718972
Come with us, and together, let us help these children reach all their potential. Your assistance can be a life changer!

EmpoweringYoungLives

EducationForAll

StreetSchoolsMatter

EmpowermentThroughEducation

SupportingUnderprivilegedChildren

Well, I heard back from Oonagh last night in response to the letter I sent to her and John about Clive’s abusive behavior toward me. I was hoping they just wouldn’t respond and I could peacefully move on with my life. But, Oonagh sent a response cc’ing John. Unsurprisingly, she was defensive, clearly in denial, and did the whole DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender) routine. She clearly was trying to find reasons to dismiss the things I said, and so she accused me of disclosing Clive’s private information, slut-shaming Clive, and being insufficiently understanding of neurodivergence. I just ignored the silly ad hominem nonsense, said I understood that neither of them had been through my experiences and naturally it would be hard to be objective in hearing my story of how Clive treated me, but I still hoped that speaking the truth of what happened could ultimately help, even if it might take them a while to process it. And I wished them well.
From growing up Mormon, I am very familiar with all the mental gymnastics people go through to cling on to untrue beliefs that seem to give stability to their lives. It’s the kind of thinking that keeps people in cults and toxic relationships, or lends itself to enabling and shielding abusers. It’s always sad to see it in action, but at least it isn’t even slightly mystifying to me at this point in my life in terms of how it operates.
So Oonagh is definitely an enabler, which is good information for me to know so definitively. I know that abuse thrives in silence, and abusers depend on their victims’ silence to enable them to continue being abusers. From Oonagh’s perspective, me speaking to her and John about Clive’s intimacy issues was a worse crime than Clive ignoring my consent and duping me into unwanted sex. She didn’t address the consent or emotional abuse issues at all, but said Clive wanted his friends to be happy, and if his attempt to make them happy didn’t work out, he was hurt. So, essentially, if Clive hurts someone, both Oonagh and Clive consider Clive to be the injured party and in their eyes, he is the person deserving of pity, instead of the person that he hurt. That was also his attitude - he viewed my grief as an injury to himself, which I think is pretty solidly narcissistic.
She kind of implied that Clive is on the autism spectrum and this is the cause of his communication difficulties, but that the difficulties were largely my fault - apparently I was supposed to magically know that he was autistic and magically be enough of an autism expert to understand him, and him being autistic also excuses lying to me to dupe me into sex and breaking up with me by telling me he’d never cared about me and was just using me the whole time. As if I hadn’t bent over backwards trying to understand him, and as if my efforts towards understanding hadn’t been largely one-sided.
It’s a pretty dizzying level of twisted illogic. Who knows if he is really autistic? That might explain some things, but so far as I understood, he has never had a diagnosis, or therapy, or professional help or treatment of any kind for his issues, despite the clear and undeniable fact that he has a long history of hurting women because of them. Definitely he is some type of neurodivergent, but behaviorally it looks more like pathological narcissism or even mild high-functioning nonviolent psycopathy.
And, if he really were autistic, why not just tell people that he is on the autism spectrum? Isn’t it a bit weird to be secretive about it, and yet expect people to just know, and to adapt to him, and accommodate him, and suggest that he doesn’t need to take responsibility for whether his behavior hurts others?
Yep. These people are a mess. And I am well shot of them.

I think aside from the various issues with spawn rate and weapons the biggest issue in the game is that players have very little information if they don't visit discord or the sub reddit.
There are a lot of things to figure our and people that play casually probably never will unless it's stated in the game.
The tips that display while loading in aren't sufficient.
There should be more in-game communication like a symbol on sectors with main objective targets or defend campaigns so that from the galaxy map you can tell where divers are needed.
The audio lines of another planet needing help are definitely not enough.
If supply lines are real why are they not displayed in-game?!
Why does AH rely on players to discover these things and develop outside tools, surely they can handle such tasks? Are we being intentionally sabotaged?
Not to mention the little things like samples being shared between everybody, how hard is it to put that in the tutorial?
Maybe explicitly saying that the further you progress on a mission (typically) the higher the rate of patrol spawns. Intuition might say "fewer bug holes/fabricators should mean fewer enemies" but it's the opposite.
None of these would impact difficulty to just make the players aware of, but without checking discord or reddit you would have to pay enough attention to figure all of these things out.
I get that helldivers are expendable, but surely if we are meant to work together we should have more than the bare minimum information.

Hi! First and foremost, thanks for your interest and I apologize in advance for how long this is, I like to be thorough. I want to start this off with some important things regarding playing at my digital table. My games are all inclusive both OOC and IC, that means both the players and the inhabitants of the game world will be varied. There will be cultural and ethnic diversity, there will be people with physical disabilities, there will be LBGTQ+ characters, the game may very well (see: likely) explore mental health, gender identity, and any number of things. My games are a safe place and I take that promise very seriously. I cannot stress this enough; bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated. There won’t be a warning, there won’t be a compromise, you’ll be out of the game, period. If you can’t manage this, then please save everyone some time and just don’t read further.
Now with that said, let’s discuss the beautiful game of D&D and this campaign and how I DM my games. My games are presented less as a static sequence of events and more of threads in the world that can be followed in any order. In a shorter campaign like this one there has to be a little more structure than a longer campaign, but this is not a railroad. Whatever ending we find to this campaign, we will find it together. Whether that’s the traditional fight the BBEG, talk them down, or join their side and plunge the world into chaos, it’s all on the table.
This campaign is set in the homebrew world that I have created and in truth I am using the campaign to explore individual parts of the world and hopefully expand upon the lore, add new NPCs, sure up any shortcomings, etc. Not because I’m publishing an adventure or anything, just because I really enjoy worldbuilding and having player choices affect the world going forward.
I like to incorporate backstories into the plot, I want everyone to have a chance to really feel a part of the story, not just along for the ride. This is also limited in a shorter campaign like this, but we can work together to give you something to identify with in this world. Whether it be directly connected to a figure in your backstory or just incorporating a theme or dynamic that resonates with your character, let’s find a way. If you give me something to work with, I promise I will find a way. This is a collaborative story, let’s create something hauntingly beautiful together.
There will be a session 0 to go over lines and veils, character creation, as well as just getting comfortable with one another. If there is a need for it to go over additional character creation, getting more acquainted with one another, or anything else we can also have a session 0.5. The point is that we are all comfortable when we begin play. Without any further ado, let’s finally get to the campaign details!
Campaign: Homebrew
System: D&D 5e
Players Needed: I already have some players, looking for 3-4 more.
Ratio: My games tend to lean more towards the RP heavy side of things though I do mix in combat. There are very few potential combat encounters that can't be solved in another way via talking, parlaying, or creativity. The amount of combat is dependent on the group as a whole. I would say in terms of planned potential combat that it will be a 60:40 or even 70:30 lean towards RP.
Scheduling: Bi-Weekly Wednesday 7pm-11pm CST, for 6-12 sessions. There is a chance this goes longer depending on RP, but I believe it will fit into 12 sessions. There’s no hard start date, just when we get the right players we will start scheduling, but it will be within a few weeks.
Software: Discord for voice, Foundry for VTT, D&D Beyond for character creation.

Character Creation:

• This campaign can work with players starting at level 3 or level 5. It will be decided by a group vote on which we start at. This allows for the characters to have some level of experience and renown but not be adventurers of legend (yet).
• All characters get a free feat. The caveat here is that if you pick a newer background that grants a feat, you don’t get an additional feat.
• Play the character you want, don’t worry about party composition. It’s my job as DM to worry about balancing the game, items, and encounters around party composition.
• Interparty conflict is fine and makes for good RP, deliberately obtuse characters designed for the sole purpose of being antagonistic to the party are not.
• All official content is allowed and most 3^rd party content is as well. If you want to use some homebrew content, send it to me so I can review it to ensure it’s balanced.
• We roll for stats. 4d6kh3, drop the full set if under 72 unless you just want to keep them. Rolled in D&D Beyond. I trust my players to not lie about rolls or to try to re-roll 20 times for ideal stats. If I find that I can’t trust you to be honest then we just can’t play together.

Setting:

Welcome to Elysiia, the year is 756 PSC - or Post-Second Cataclysm - and Elysiia is a vibrant planet. Long gone are the days of the Primordials’ dominion over the lands, gone also is the War of Gods, sealed away thousands of years ago. From the ashes of a bygone era has risen a thriving land with many diverse people. From the displaced Feylands of Remcourt - home to fey descendant creatures and prison to incorporeal creatures unfortunate enough to be caught behind it's barrier - to the Flying City of Arigon, floating among the clouds interweaving magic, nature, and technology.
Our story, however, begins in the lands of Morroch, born after the splitting of the worlds by the World Serpent. It is said that Morroch was a point of direct impact of the World’s Serpent’s bite, leaving behind the most diverse array of biomes on Elysiia, much of it incorporated with serrated mountains and rolling hills. There is much to explore here including the northern region belonging primarily to the Stone Giants of Thulkna who call the Crimson Peaks – given their name because of the reddish color of the soil – home. Let us not forget the western seaboard of the Tilltona Coast, cliff-lined coasts with treacherous waters and frequent storms, home of the Storm Giants of the nation of Salleria.
For this story, we explore the Decayed Heights of the western region of Morroch. A brutal and unforgiving arid desert dominated by three powerful tribes: the Jeswye, renown for their connection to fire and abilities as blacksmiths and warriors; the Sandstriders, Lizardfolk who traverse the vast desert with ease, trading, and maintaining the fragile peace; and the Ironhoof Tribe, fierce warriors who thrive in the storm-battered coastal regions of the Decayed Heights.
Recently, the long-standing tension between the Jeswye and the Ironhoof has escalated to the brink of war, threatening the stability of the entire region and crucial trade routes that allow for safe passage through an otherwise inhospitable region. The campaign will begin in the floating bustling trade city of Vespera, located off the coast of the Decayed Heights. Here the characters have received a request from a representative of the Merchant’s Guild to meet to discuss a lucrative opportunity that is for the betterment of the world.
More world info and campaign info will be given before character creation and upon request (I will never turn down an opportunity to talk about lore and worldbuilding).
Who am I? My players typically call me Hex or simply Chris (he/him)

• 33
• DMing for 4 years
• I work in tech so I like to try to do cool tech shit with my VTT.
• I’m a power nerd and love a bit of everything. Anime, comics, rp, tech, ttrpg (obviously), video games, writing, wrestling.
• For me D&D is a collaborative storytelling experience. I’m not out to murder your PCs or make things overly difficult for the sake of making you sweat.
• If I had to rate my skillset as a DM I’d say I’m very good at improv and storytelling but I don’t have a huge vocal range so I won’t be mesmerizing you with a unique voice for each NPC. I do what I can.
• These games are designed for me to experiment with technology, new in-game locales, cultures, etc. and as such some aspects are generated on the go or in the case of technology might experience some technical difficulties.
• Rule of cool. Yes the rules have a place, no we won’t be throwing them completely out. But if something is creative and feasible to at least attempt, yeah you can roll for it. If it’s not feasible I won’t even ask for a roll.

In closing, I’ve attached a google form below to fill out. I hate forms that make trying to get into a D&D game feel like a job interview so I’ve tried to stray away from that as much as possible. I don’t care how much experience you have, be it you’re entirely new or a 20 year vet. But comments, messages, and chat requests can often get missed so this helps me make sure I’ve seen everyone’s submissions. If you've made it this far, thank you so much for your time and patience.
If the post is not marked closed, I am still reviewing submissions.
https://forms.gle/5E1Qm2ghAU73gNGN8

I remember since ever I was so young I always wanted them to get separated, I hated how my mom would get physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my dad, on the outside, everyone thinks he is a really good guy, I’m almost 23 now and I have suffered my whole life because of him, I’m happy that mom has finally decided to leave,sadly,, in my country getting a divorce is not easy, she wanted to rent a place and us moving out together but I was worried he’s sue my mom for running away with children, men has more control over things here than women, for a man it’s so easy to divorce a woman, but the otherwise is not, for women it is extremely hard and needs to have reason and proof of why she wants to get a divorce.
She finally found a good lawyer and is going to the court tomorrow, and tonight we’re signing a contract for staying at the new place we found. I have two younger brothers, things are very tough, after seeing my mom getting abused so much and my dad breaking everything in the house it feels like I am a dead body, I don’t feel anything, I just move and keep going and helping my mom as much as I can.
She does not want anything, all she wants is to be free from this and live peacefully.
I am very out of energy, I don’t like my life at all,, if you can, please comment and say some positive words to make me keep going in life, I’m seriously shattered. I’ve only explained my situation im short but there is so much more to that. I really want support, want to hear that the future is brighter, I am very scared, would we still keep staying the same forever? This house feels like a torture place, I really can’t wait to move out..

He said: "Ask it something but remember, it can't understand feelings or deep ENFJ things, it's a purely technology focused AI so you must ask something within that sector, something static or systematic"
Me: "What happens if I ask it about feelings?"
Him: "I have no idea, try it."
Me asking AI: "How does a person feel in peace with all their feelings and emotions?"
AI Response: Achieving peace with one's emotions and feelings can be a complex journey, but it involves self-awareness, self-compassion, and mindfulness practices. Here are some steps that can help someone find peace with their emotions:

1. Self-awareness: Recognize and acknowledge the presence of various emotions without judgment. Understand that having emotions is natural and normal for human beings.
   
2. Acceptance: Allow yourself to experience emotions as they arise, without trying to suppress or eliminate them. This includes both positive and negative feelings.
   
3. Mindfulness: Practice being present in the moment by focusing on your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without judgment. Mindfulness meditation can be helpful for cultivating this skill.
   
4. Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding when you are going through difficult emotions. Remind yourself that everyone experiences challenges, and it's a part of being human.
   
5. Emotional regulation: Learn healthy ways to cope with intense emotions, such as deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or engaging in physical activity.
   
6. Support system: Build and maintain supportive relationships with friends, family members, or mental health professionals who can provide guidance and understanding during emotional struggles.
   
7. Self-care: Prioritize your physical, mental, and emotional well-being by setting aside time for activities that nourish your body and soul, such as exercise, meditation, reading, or spending time in nature.
   
8. Gratitude: Cultivate an attitude of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life and acknowledging the good things that happen each day.
   
9. Continuous growth: Be open to learning new skills and ways of thinking that can help you better understand and manage your emotions. This might include therapy, reading self-help books, or attending workshops on emotional well-being.
   
10. Practice patience and persistence: Understand that finding peace with one's emotions is a lifelong journey and it takes time and effort to make progress. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small successes along the way.
    

if you could change details in the story taking place before AGOT, but which would not drastically change the face of westeros (like making the north resist Aegon like the Dornish did) what would it be?
I would say make sure that the story of Brandon the Burner takes place during the reign of Targaryens. because with the Ironborns on one side and essos slavers on the other, it makes no sense that the north could have maintained itself for centuries without a fleet. On the other hand if it takes place under the reign of a Targaryen king, the recentness of the event would explain why no one has yet thought of rebuilding one; because with the peace of the king who keeps the ironborn in yoke and the royal fleet/dragons (according to the time) which protects the kingdom the need was not imminent, or less than they favoring financing food in winter rather than warships which do not really serve. Add to this some successor to Brandon who would be indifferent to this or too busy with other things to worry about a fleet, and this can explain more logically how the North could have maintained itself without until the need to face felt during the war of 5 kings

William was just about to scoop another mouthful of porridge and berries into his mouth when someone scooted into the seat next to him.
“Marline.” He inclined his head before returning to breakfast.
A breakfast that, prior to his teammate’s arrival, had been blissfully free of noise or interruption.
Which made sense given that the ‘rise and shine’ bell wasn’t going to ring for another thirty minutes or so. To that end, the cafeteria was near empty, but for a few servants flitting around the place as they set tables or partook of their own breakfasts.
Breakfasts that were something of a step down from what was normally served at these tables, given that the usual heaped piles of hot sausages, crisp bacon and hearty eggs were still being prepared in the kitchens.
Still, on this occasion, that was fine by William. Sure, the main reason he’d told his team to rise a little earlier than normal was to allow them to dine in peace without being harassed by the rest of the rumour hungry student body, but it was also useful in that it somewhat limited some of his more… difficult teammate’s breakfast options.
“William,” the dark elf hissed as she leaned down. “We have a problem.”
Despite his early morning lethargy, those words managed to send something akin to a shiver up his spine.
“What!? What’s the problem?” he asked as he whirled around, remembering only at the last minute to keep his voice down.
Sure, the cafeteria was relatively empty of both staff and students, but it hadn’t escaped his notice that pretty much all of them had had their eyes on him since he sat down.
“What do you mean, ‘what’s the problem?’” Marline whispered furiously into his ear. “The fucking alchemy lab blew up last night.”
“Oh, that.” She’d gotten him all worked up for nothing. “Someone’s enchantment probably went awry after being kept in storage too long.”
That was a lie and they both knew it. He’d explained to Marline in great detail why trying to gain access to his storage room was a poor idea without him present. To that end, it was obvious that someone had attempted just that.
As such, the old alchemy building was now a smouldering ruin, with dozens of academy guards and at least one member of the palace guard sifting through the rubble when he walked past.
Or at least, they’d been watching over a dozen menial servants as they sifted through the rubble.
Still, no one had been too alarmed by it. It was hardly the first time the building had been destroyed after all.
Alchemy was by its nature a fairly dangerous art.
A form of homeopathic magic that attempted to imbue objects with magical abilities by combining them with conceptually similar items, it tended to both be prohibitively expensive and notoriously unreliable.
Left eyes from forty-year-old salamanders didn’t grow on trees after all. Nor testicles from albino bulls in heat. And that was the kind of specificity one needed to create a half-decent stamina potion.
There was a reason that alchemy was gradually being phased out in favour of the slower but more reliable art of enchanting.
“Yes, very unfortunate,” Marline said through gritted teeth. “But what about ‘our’ ingredients that were being kept in the building. It might be… dangerous of someone stumbled across them in the rubble.”
Dangerous? Gunpower couldn’t explode more than…
“Oh, you’re talking about the gift we were holding for your family?” He realized.
“Yes!”
“Why didn’t you check last night?” he asked.
“...I tend to wear earplugs when I sleep,” Marline admitted reluctantly. “Given… Verity.”
William glanced towards the young woman’s long elven ears and thought about their orcish teammate’s tendency to snore like she was trying to wake the dead. The inner walls of their dorm weren’t particularly thick and Marline’s room was right next to the other girl’s.
Yeah, he could see why she might have invested in some hearing protection.
A decent set of earplugs wouldn’t drown out the noise of the morning bell, but they’d be more than capable of drowning out the distant whumph of an alchemy lab going up on the opposite side of the campus.
He momentarily wondered if the noise had caused any of his other teammates to get up, before dismissing the idea.
Strange noises in the middle of the night were far from unusual in a military academy and usually best ignored unless you had a very good reason to think they might involve you.
“Well, it’s not a problem,” he whispered. “I moved it last night before heading back to the dorm.”
The look of relief on the dark elf’s face was palpable, before it gave way to confusion. “Why?”
He shrugged. “For the same reason I booby-trapped the storage room in the first place. Once it got out that I had a mithril core – and might have had something to do with Al’Hundra’s death, well it seemed like there was a decent chance someone might go snooping around places I might want to hide something.”
And the alchemy lab was just about the first place someone would think of right after their team’s dorm room.
Fortunately for him, there were a few places that were quite impractical for hiding something long-term, but pretty ideal in the short term.
And just so long as Marline’s aunts arrived before next Welday, the mithril core would be safe.
Though as he gazed down at the bowl of porridge in front of him, he found his appetite wasn’t quite what it had been just a few moments ago.
“So where’d you hide it?” Marline asked excitedly, clearly relieved that her family’s future wasn’t currently buried in rubble.
William paused as he considered how to answer that question. Something his teammate was quick to notice.
“William,” she prompted. “Where’s my family’s core?”
He gazed down at his bowl, still thinking.
“William!” she shouted as best she could while still whispering.
“The safest place I could think of. Somewhere it’d be covered completely and no one would voluntarily look.”
“Voluntarily?” Marline said. “Covered?”
Credit where credit was due, no one had ever accused his teammate of being slow on the uptake. At least, where politics wasn’t concerned. So it was that it wasn’t long before he witnessed her expression morph from confusion to horror… to rage.
“You buried my family’s mithril core in the latrines?!” she hissed.
William scratched his chin awkwardly as he avoided her furious gaze. “More like dropped. I didn’t need to bury it because it sank on its own. Which is good given I wasn’t quite sure of the relative buoyancy of mithril in… well… you know.”
In his defence, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Indeed, if one were to be purely objective about the whole thing, it still was. The core was safely hidden at the bottom of one of the lesser used latrine pits. The bottom mounted… storage vats of which were pulled out and emptied into the bay once a week.
It was a fairly old fashioned system, given the existence of indoor plumbing across the rest of the academy. Indeed, he suspected the latrines were only kept around to serve as a form of punishment duty for any cadets that happened to royally piss off their instructors.
“They’ll be safe there until Welday,” William argued weakly. “At which point your aunts can collect them without anyone being the wiser.”
“Collect them from the latrine’s storage vats!” Marline hissed, slamming her head into the table. “Ancestors, the future of our house is now literally swimming in shit.”
Gingerly, William moved to pat the dark elf on the back. “Ah, but at least it’s safe.”
Once more he glanced away as two silver eyes peeked out angrily from between the girl’s arms.
Needless to say, he was rather glad for the eventual arrival of the rest of their team – even if Bonnlyn chose to complain at length about the fact that she was going to be forced to dine on ‘twigs and berries’ – as opposed to the gut busting pile of vaguely food shaped grease she normally chose to partake of in a morning.
Still, at least Marline had stopped glaring at him by the time they’d all finished eating – escaping just before the first of their fellow cadets piled noisily into the cafeteria.


It was actually rather amusing, that for all that the coming match had obvious implications for the country as a whole, in theory it was simply another practice match between two groups of cadets.
To that end, there was no great ceremony as the members of Team Seven made their way through the double doors leading to the Floats. There, as per usual, stood the members of the opposing team along with an Instructor from a ‘neutral’ house.
Never mind that the great bleachers to each side of the faux-ships were filled with eager spectators when they were normally all-but bare. Or that not one of the viewing orbs bolted to the gantries overhead was bereft of the ambient glow that signified they were in use.
Half the noble houses in the country were likely watching the events that were about to unfold through those crystalline orbs. Though William had to wonder if the Queen was one of them or if she was present in person, simply hidden behind whatever magic she used to render herself and her guards invisible.
Still, as he gazed upon the spectacle around them, William couldn’t help but be reminded of just how impressive a construction the Floats were, the stadium sized building hosting not just the ships that made up the field, but room for spectators, viewing orbs, staff and a myriad other smaller facilities that each worked to allow the practice matches to occur.
With that in mind, one notable absence from the building’s usual occupants was hard to miss.
“Where are all the sailors and marines?” Olzenya asked.
“I don’t know,” William said as they continued walking towards Tala and her team. “Maybe they’re already onboard?”
He doubted it though. He’d have been able to see people moving about inside the great vessels or marching across the deck.
No, something was amiss here.
Still, he’d known there was a possibility of House Blackstone attempting something. And the absence of the Float’s usual staff was likely to be related.
Nothing for it now, he thought. Whatever they’ve done can’t be too overt.
The Principal of the Academy might have been in New Haven’s pocket – which made her an ally of House Blackstone – but even her power had limits with the Crown and half the country watching.
“Ma’am,” William said as he came to a stop before the Instructor from House Summerfield. “Team Seven reporting.”
Instructor Halfin, ironically the woman who’d first introduced his team to the floats glowered at him.
“I don’t like this,” she said without preamble, her voice raised loudly enough that it was clear she was aiming her words not just at him, but Tala and the rest of the world besides. “The Academy and the Floats are supposed to be a training environment for the future leadership of the nation as a whole. Not a pissing ground for idiotic adolescents.”
“I didn’t choose the venue, ma’am.” Even as she spoke, Tala’s gaze stayed on William.
“And I didn’t ask your opinion, cadet.” Halfin’s words were biting as she turned towards the third-year. “The only opinion that matters here is mine. Not yours. Not his. Not your mummy’s. And not the rest of these upjumped cretins.”
Her hand flew out to encompass the veritable circus that were the stands. “So, with that in mind you can believe me when I say that my only concern is getting through this farce as efficiently and as fairly as possible. I don’t give a shit about what’s on the line or who doesn’t want to marry who. All that matters to me is whether or not you have wax or paint on your breastplate or enough harpy-venom in your system to put you down for the count.”
Both Tala’s and William’s eyes widened a little at that.
“Wax, ma’am? Paint?” Tala said.
The older woman grunted. “You heard me, and that’s all I’ll say on the matter. Let it be known I’m not happy about it. Nor about the fact that half the sailors on base have apparently come down with the shits.”
Ah, so that was why the float’s usual crew was missing. Clearly the work of House Blackstone, though to what end William was yet unsure.
Are they trying to delay the match? He thought.
That wouldn’t be ideal for a number of reasons – most of which centred around it giving House Blackstone more time to sabotage him and his team. There’d been a damn good reason he chose to have their match literally a day after he challenged her.
“This has naturally affected my ability to run a normal Float match. Normally that would be grounds for delaying this whole farce,” Halfin continued, tone darkening as she spoke the next few words. “But it has been ‘suggested’ to me by a number of parties that doing so would be impractical. So, we shall instead be making use of one of the scenarios available to us that does not require the use of regular crewmembers.”
She gestured towards the area between the two faux ships, the football field sized stretch of land normally empty but for a few overhead nets designed to catch falling cadets.
That wasn’t the case today. Instead, the area had been filled with a tangled mess of pre-fabricated structures and various other bits of paraphernalia.
“Airship down,” the Instructor said, and after a moment’s observation, William realized that the stretch of land really did look like what you might have seen if an airship crashed into it.
Assuming said airship crashed with enough force to scatter its component parts around rather than remain as a fairly battered single object. Which, given the heights said ships could drop from, wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility.
“Our third year cadets will be familiar with this scenario, but I will explain it briefly for our first years.” Again, there was no mistaking just how unhappy Halfin was with all of this. “In short, an allied or enemy airship has crashed in neutral territory. Both sides of the conflict have dispatched a mage strike team to search the wreckage for the ship’s core so as to deny it to the enemy. Unfortunately, neither side can effectively search said wreckage until the other strike team has been completely eliminated.”
Halfin’s gaze turned towards his team. “To clarify, do not let the flavor text of this scenario fool you. There is no core within the wreckage in this scenario. The only way to win is to completely eliminate the opposing team.”
Over the woman’s shoulder, William didn’t miss the small smile that flitted across his fiancee’s features.
Ah, so that’s her game, he thought.
Oh, he didn’t doubt she would have preferred this whole engagement be delayed so as to allow her more time to stack the deck, but on short notice simply changing the scenario to this still helped her.
Theoretically.
It reduced the number of ‘wild card’ factors that might benefit him or his team. No crew members. No orbs to collect. Just a straight up fight between the two teams.
Sure, said wild cards could have just as easily worked in Tala’s favour, but given the skill disparity between the two groups, it benefited her to reduce the number of random vectors present in the coming fight.
Plus, it also had his team attempting to navigate an unfamiliar scenario.
Well played, he thought.
“Any issue with that, cadets?” Halfin said as she finished her explanation.
“None at all,” William said before the rest of his team could interrupt, noting the small pout of disappointment that flitted across Tala’s face.
She’d probably wanted him to kick up a fuss and force the match to be delayed for the reasons he’d thought of before.
Alas, she wasn’t that lucky.
No, for better or for worse this was happening here and now.
Sure, it wasn’t an ideal scenario, but he could make it work for him. It simply required him to pull out another trick that he’d been hoping to hold onto for just a little while longer.
Amusingly, Halfin also looked a little disappointed. The woman had probably wanted the match delayed on principle. It was clear both his new weapon and Tala’s interference rubbed her the wrong way.
Though as he had the thought, he was pleasantly surprised to see there was at least one woman in the academy who placed her duty as an educator and impartial judge above politics.
Indeed, if she had a reputation for such, that was likely part of the reason why she’d been selected for this match as a compromise between the Crown and the Blackstones.
“Well, if that’s all, then you’ve got ten minutes to check out your weapons and get to your starting positions.” Halfin grunted, before she seemed to remember something. “And I suppose I’ll take possession of the ‘bet’ now.”
There was no missing the disdain in the woman’s voice, which actually made William feel a bit better as he gestured over to Verity.
Unslinging the backpack she’d carried all the way over, the girl still looked more than a little awed as she unveiled the glowing metal orb. It was actually a little amusing, the mixture of relief and reluctance that crossed her features as she handed it over to the Instructor.
An instructor who was apparently not entirely carved from stone, as she somewhat reverently accepted the object.
Even the distant stands hushed down a bit as the bowling ball sized core changed hands.
Of course, it was barely a second before the moment was interrupted.
“Of course you’d have the orc carry it,” Tala grunted, her tone resigned.
Verity flinched back at the words and every other member of his team – including Olzenya leaned forward to argue – but William forestalled them all with a simple raised hand.
“Of course I did,” he said simply. “She’s a valuable member of my team and I trust her. Far more than certain other individuals present.”
A core could also be deceptively heavy despite its ability to produce lighter than air aether and he had no real desire to carry it all the way across campus. It also went unsaid that Verity was best equipped to intercept any… opportunistic thieves.
Indeed, he’d have paid to see some enterprising moron attempt to wrestle the bag holding the core off his orcish teammate on the walk over here.
It hadn’t happened of course, the possibility had always been an outlier at best, but given the stakes it had seemed better to err on the side of caution.
…It had also been amusing to see the myriad emotions that had flashed across the faces of most of the team when he quite casually tossed the bag holding the core to the orc. One would almost think he’d just thrown a baby at her.
Indeed, the only one who’d not been affected had been Marline, who’d just looked quietly resigned.
Which was still fun in its own way.
It was a little childish perhaps coming from a man ‘his age’, but that same age was what gave him the experience to know that sometimes life was about being a little silly and enjoying the small things.
And what better silly fun was there than teasing a bunch of far too serious kids by throwing around a basically indestructible ball of magical space metal?
Of course, given the flash of irritation that shot across Tala’s face, it was clear she thought his smile was an accompaniment to his taunt.
However, before she could say anything, Halfin scooped up the core. “Well, I’ll be holding onto this until the match is over. At which point I shall hand it to whomever I deem to be the victor.” For just a moment, her expression softened. “You can rest assured, both of you, that I shan’t let it out of my sight or off my person for the duration of the match. This I swear – even if I’m irritated at this whole situation.”
William and Tala both nodded, accepting the solemness of the woman’s impromptu oath.
“Alright,” she said, slinging the thing under her arm as she returned to her previous acerbic personality. “You’ve got ten minutes to collect your weapons and be at your designated spots for the beginning of the match. Anyone not in the correct place at the correct time will be considered eliminated for the purposes of this match. Dismissed.”
With her bit said, she strode away, no doubt up to the judges tower - which had an eagle’s eye view of the entire arena.
Leaving two teams of rather combative cadets behind.
Ten minutes was more than enough time to collect their gear, so William allowed himself a few seconds to simply gaze at Tala’s team.
“Finally realizing how outclassed you are, William?” Tala sneered.
It was funny, normally that kind of open disdain was beneath her. Sure, she’d yelled at him before, but to his mind that was more of an expression of frustration than animosity.
Here and now though?
She hated him.
And he revelled in it.
Not because he hated her. He didn’t. Even if they were enemies. At worst he’d say he pitied her for her ignorance and worldview.
Much like him and his otherworldly views, she was a product of her environment.
She wasn’t evil. At least not in an intentional sense. Indeed, by the standards of this world she was actually a good person.
Loyal. Dutiful. Hardworking.
Simply in service to an institution that he abhorred.
With that in mind, the reason why he relished in her disdain was simple.
It meant that he was now worthy of it in her mind. No longer an irritating non-factor that refused to play along, his actions now had consequences.
He’d earned her animosity honestly.
He was a factor. A person.
It felt good.
“Just counting the numbers,” he said. “Some part of me wondered if you might be a team member or two short.”
Indeed, the fact that he’d hoped for the murder of a young man or woman last night was something he counted amongst the least of his sins. There’d be a great many more of those to come.
Still, ignorant of his thoughts, the girl stiffened, all but confirming his suspicions as her mind no doubt turned towards last night’s explosion.
It had been her people who’d tried to raid his alchemy storage room – though it seemed she’d not been so foolish as to send anyone on her team to accomplish the job. In all likelihood the unfortunate fools who’d run afoul of his trap had likely been little more than paid off servants or some other kind of catspaw.
Irrelevant in the scheme of things ultimately and chosen for that very reason. Unfortunate, but hoping that his enemy would be a teammate or two down had ever been a long shot.
“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” Tala said. “My teammates are all ready and eager to serve not only me, but to honour their family names as well through that service. Though I know that’s a concept most alien to you.”
Around her, four other members of the girls team stood up a little straight, animosity burning in their gaze as they silently regarded his team with disdain.
Disdain his own team was quite happy to level back – if only out of loyalty to him.
Still, it was funny; Tala was more right than she knew. The values of this world were in many ways alien to him despite having lived here for nearly two decades.
“I suppose you’re right,” he chuckled. “To that end, I’ll see you in the arena.”
He took a moment to enjoy the look of puzzlement on his foe’s face at his placid rejoinder, before he strode away, his team falling in behind him.
Though as he walked, he made sure to turn to each of them. “Make sure to double check all of our equipment. If Tala was able to give half the Float staff food poisoning last night, I wouldn’t put it past her to be able to tamper with our equipment.”
Each of the girls nodded seriously at his words, no doubt leery of discovering a razor blade or some other such implement in one of their boots. Or that their bolt-bow had a faulty intake valve.
Indeed, the only piece of equipment William could theoretically have been sure of was that which he was currently wearing and the spell-bolts that would have been delivered clandestinely at the last minute by either Griffith or a palace guard.
And even then, what the fuck is this about wax and paint rather than rubber? He thought.
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First off, I just want to express how thankful I (32, F, USA) am to everyone who contributes to this subreddit. Reading your stories has helped me immensely in dealing with these issues and made me realize that I am not alone in dealing with this. I’m so happy I can finally say to this group — it gets better.
If you’ve seen any of my previous posts, BFS is/was not my sole diagnosis. I also have a condition called functional neurological disorder (FND) which essentially causes the brain to send incorrect signals to the rest of the body, causing a multitude of symptoms that can be very disabling. After being previously very healthy and fit, my symptoms started with weakness in the legs in early 2023 and progressed to bodywide weakness, widespread near-constant muscle twitching, cramps, and gait issues about six months after. At 9 months, I had a chronic cough, breathing difficulty, no voice, and frequently was choking on food. I was using a combination of a cane and wheelchair to get around because my legs always felt like jello and were hard to move.
After months of medical stress and hospitalizations, being treated for the wrong condition (MG), and being bounced between neurologists, I finally went to the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville in December 2023, had my third and final EMG, and was given the dual DX, starting my road to recovery.
Since I visited Mayo, I have been doing absolutely everything in my power to manage these issues and not let them stop me from living my life. I still work full-time, take care of my child, and manage to run my household though I’ve had to make a few adjustments and beef up my support system. I also do PT, swimming, and take a multitude of supplements (B12, D, CoQ10, magnesium, lions mane, and GABA). I started taking 40 MG of cymbalta about 2 months ago which has led (in combination) to a huge improvement in symptoms.
I am still dealing with a lot of the same issues but overall I have gotten a great deal better - my voice/breathing/swallowing issues have almost resolved entirely. I'm told there’s no secret standard recipe but for me personally using GABA with SSNRI really helped my get over the initial hump. Once I was able to see that my symptoms were not in fact progressing and that I did not have a deadly incurable disease, things started to improve more quickly. I still use a cane to walk ~50% of the time and a wheelchair in certain situations where I anticipate an issue (i.e grocery stores or airports where there’s a lot of sensory input). When it’s quiet and my mind is at peace, I can even walk for about an hour at a time now (slowly and awkwardly).
Having some perspective now, I absolutely hated it (and still do!) when doctors would say, “it’s just anxiety” or some variation of the phrase. I do not consider myself an anxious person. I do not feel anxious and mentally I appear extremely cool, calm, and collected. It didn’t make sense and I assumed my doctors were just gaslighting me, which is in fact a very common experience for women. BUT — I’ve come to realize this is precisely the issue and it's way more than anxiety. My brain has somehow entered such a profound freeze response that I can barely blush without spiraling into a new physical symptom of maladaptive processing. Even being conscious of this, I can’t control it at all. I've come to realize that I am chronically, deeply, and malignantly overstimulated and stressed from ignoring and suppressing my own physical, emotional, and sensory needs for WAY too long and my entire nervous system is on a hair trigger.
I regret to inform you that I still twitch — it seems nothing can make this stop entirely. I just kind of don’t care as much— it doesn’t really distract me or cause me to worry— it’s just as annoying and weird as it’s always been. I also started having tremors and seizures at night recently which is really scary but benign and related to FND, per neurologist. I plan to start working with a psychiatrist to get a better handle on these issues and making some further lifestyle changes.
Wishing you twitchers all the best in your journey and recovery— I probably won’t post as much here as I’m trying to not over-focus on medical issues but just wanted to drop in and give you an update since many of you have reached out in DMs. Some advice — look for times when your symptoms are better and work with those moments to prove to yourself you can improve and that there is variability. Find a doctor that you trust and that takes you seriously, even if it takes 10 tries.. a lot of them mean well but are also kind of awful at communication. Have testing done if it puts your mind at ease but don't assume it is incorrect when it yields nothing. Stop googling. Take a walk in nature and hug your family.
It will be okay!!!

After waiting over half a year for my Framework 16 to finally get here, and after using it for the past 2 weeks as my daily driver I can't help but say that I'm a bit underwhelmed by the whole experience and the Framework laptop itself. The overall stability/driver maturity of the device, as well as the build quality have me feeling more like a glorified beta tester than the owner of a cutting-edge and well-designed premium product.
Look, don't get me wrong as I love what the Framework team is trying to do here, as the modularity of the device is a breath of fresh air in a world in which right-to-repair and upgrade capability is dying a slow and painful death.
But for a device I spent over $2200 of cash on after taxes, it simply does not feel like a $2200 product or premium piece of electronics hardware for that matter. The build quality simply feels cheap. Somewhere between the mushy keyboard, the trackpad layout and uneven spacers it employs (Why couldn’t they just sell a non-modular one-piece trackpad as an alternative?), the underwhelming screen (this has to be one of the least vibrant IPS panels I’ve used in a long time) and the tinny/near-silent speakers I feel like I’m using a cheaper $1200 Thinkpad from 2016 and not the future of modular laptops.
I could forgive most of things and accept these caveats as the cost of adding modularity and upgradability/repairability for a gen1 product, if the software-side of things were a pain-free experience. But unfortunately, they are not and this laptop has been nothing but a buggy mess of a device. Despite having updated to the lastest drivers, BIOS, and others and trying out 2 distinct installs of Windows 11, the so-called ‘hot-swappable’ nature of the modular ports work correctly about 50% of the time. I have seen this computer hard lockup, blue screen, or simply become completely unresponsive from say simply swapping one port on the side from a USB-C to a USB-A or Ethernet more often than not. Sometimes it works fine, sometimes it crashes, and other times it doesn’t crash but the specific port stops working altogether which warrants a reboot.
On top of that, on a pretty much daily basis I have been seeing some sort of catastrophic USB event in which all or most USB devices connected to the laptop either crash or disappear, which only a full reboot of windows will resolve. This has lead to multiple issues while on conference calls in Teams/Zooms, in which my audio stops working and I have no idea that it’s actually not that the meeting has gone quiet but that the laptop has stopped working, as my USB headset/mic will still show as connected/working, they just will not actually be and either a meeting restart or reboot of the laptop is needed to clear it up.
Could these issues be quite easily resolved through a driver update, bug fix or similar? Absolutely! Do I have the time and patience to go off on a deep-dive troubleshooting escapade for a device that I just started using with a fresh install that should simply work out of the box? Absolutely not, especially when considering that the same hardware in terms of audio, USB devices, etc all has worked and continue to work flawlessly on my older Thinkpad laptop.
At this point, I’m thinking that between the value and the build quality it just doesn’t make sense to keep the Framework 16 at least at the current price point, for the subpar hardware and software this first generation is providing. The fact of the matter is, that you can get identical hardware to the F16 at around the $1100 range, which wasn’t quite the case when I pre-ordered it almost a year ago. I’m okay with paying a small premium for modularity, but I don’t think it’s worth doubling the price of the device or paying another $1100 for the privilege of being able to do so, as for that amount of money I could just buy 2 laptops and have a ‘hot spare’ to handle every single possible hardware failure I might experience in the next 5 years. If the Framework 16 was priced at around the $1300-1400 mark, I think it would make a lot more sense to most people. As it stands right now though, it’s at a hefty premium to be a gen1 early adopter because that’s simply how economies of scale work.
Has anyone else had a similar experience and is debating if it's just worth returning the laptop and going to something different in the same price range? I mean, if I’m going to spend $2200 on a laptop I might as well have a dedicated OLED screen, discrete GPU, and aluminum frame for that kind of cost, modularity be damned.
I have high hopes that a few years down the road, when the Framework 16 gen2 or gen3 is out, that most of these build quality and value issues can be resolved. But I can’t afford to be an early adoptebeta tester for a laptop which will be my daily driver for work as I need something that’s reliable and dependable. If this was a true Gen1 early adopter device, like the first gen Framework 13 I could forgive them, but this is their 3rd time around the block releasing hardware-- build-quality/reliability issues should be sorted out by now I'd hope.

AITA for choosing to step away from a very close friendship and feel good (and also bad)about it? I made a friend at uni that came from the same country as me. We started spending a lot of time together and discovered that had a LOT in common.
We got really close and shared with one another. She would often talk about ups and downs with her friends, that sometimes she needed some time apart when something would happen or when she would feel "emotionally overwhelmed",she would have these periods that she needed "some time apart" and felt "emotionally overwhelmed. So she once had the idea of spending New Years at the Uni Halls and I thought it was a very cool idea. But then she decided to travel to our countries and spend NY with her friends and said "to be honest, if I have to choose between spending NY in our country with my friends, or spending it in here, I prefer spending it with my friends". I felt stabbed on my back, but accepted moved on, but always feeling like shit.
once I was going through some really tough moments in my life. She knew about this. And one day she told me about how much emotionally overwhelmed she was feeling about me, that she needed time to focus on herself for her own mental health. She specially told me, "you are emotionally unstable". She stepped away and barely spoke to me for a few days. I cried and was really hurt again, but I tried not showing her how I was feeling, I didn't want to be "emotionally overwhelming".
There once when she told me she felt like I was copying her on things she likes or does and she was bothered with that. It was then that I decided that I was going to step away from her, enough to protect myself and my feelings, for my own sake and mental health.
I stopped sharing certain things to her, being to deep and emotional to her. Months passed by and I would check on her from time to time. Until the day she messaged something on the words "I think we should stay as we are, both going our different ways, we grew up in different ways and see things differently, and I'm happy on keep following my path and find the best for me, peace and stability , I wish the best for you, take care". I felt relief and a part of me was happy. However, I still feel sad about a friendship that was lost and how she makes this as I'm the bad one. I’m happy and feel free and relieved but also disappointed, these 2 feelings at the same time. AITA?

Even just typing it out in the title makes me feel stupid.
My husband (37m) and I (35f) have been together for 14 years. Married 10 years. I was finally feeling “ready” enough to consider maybe it was time to start a family in late 2021. My husband expressed similar sentiments from late 2021 through April 2022. We had been fence sitters about having kids for a long time before that. (Originally we both wanted kids, then we chickened out and said we didn’t want kids for a while. I think deep down I knew something was off with him even in the beginning of our marriage).
Anyway, despite our “baby fever” in late 2021, my response was, let’s wait 6-9 months and make sure we consistently feel ready before we do anything. I don’t take it lightly to bring an innocent soul into this world and I only want to do so if I am confident I can provide a happy, safe, stable life for a child.
Well. May 2022 was Dday. He had a 9 month affair. (So yeah he had “baby fever” while cheating on me?) I also found out he had a severe pornography addiction and other sex addiction issues. He has spent the last 2 years going to inpatient treatment and in intensive therapy for several months then weekly therapy. We have both been in individual, group, and couples therapy weekly. We are both committed to reconciliation, but it has been a WILDLY bumpy road with a lot of stress, pain, trauma and disappointments. Things are still up and down for us.
Things are still not peaceful enough between us for me to want to bring a child into the world in this dynamic. Plus he’s back to being unsure about kids. However, I’m turning 36 soon. I’m wondering if I should invest in freezing my eggs? Or let it go?
He has gone back to being a “fence sitter” about having kids someday. He has so much shame and self loathing for his issues that he feels too broken to ever be a good parent. I respect that and would never push or force anyone into parenthood without a VERY emphatic YES for an extended period of time.
Part of me wonders if I should let the spark/dream die and just focus on reconciliation. I know that going through an egg retrieval will be very hard on me emotionally, physically and mentally. Adding that stress to myself when I’m still struggling with trauma seems stupid. (I have PTSD from the betrayal trauma and CPTSD from my childhood/life pre DDAY according to my therapist and a psychiatrist I briefly went to).
I have so much resentment that my “reproductive years” are dwindling away and that his stupid affair and betrayals have stolen so much from me. And with last week being Mother’s Day and my sister having a baby a few days ago, I feel so sad and disappointed that I may be robbed of motherhood due to infidelity and my husbands awful choices.
Has anyone done an egg retrieval during this crazy time of reconciliation?
Has anyone successfully reconciled and then chosen to have children together and done so happily/successfully?
Husband and I both grew up in tumultuous homes that ended in bitter divorces, and I would never ever want any child to have to experience that. So maybe it’s better off to just let the dream die. 😞 how sad that his generational trauma has won and repeated itself. (His mom had a sexual affair in front of him when he was 4-5 and he ended up reenacting a lot of the exact same stuff he witnessed, down to even choosing the same location etc.)

Just a resource share! I discovered the app, “Yuka,” which allows you to scan the barcodes of products and receive a rating (0-100) with explanation of concerning ingredients. If it’s a poor product, it gives recs on healthier options (and apparently Yuka doesn’t receive kickbacks for those endorsements).
I scanned EVERYTHING. Not only did I learn that Girl Scout Thin Mints were a 0 (how?!), but that Ivermectin has SLS as an ingredient! Im a type 1 but I apply it just for peace of mind, as it doesn’t seem to hurt, but this certainly makes me reconsider. Anyway, def recommend and have fun scanning away!

PART 1:

 Every town has their own version of “The Boogeyman”. A monster, cryptid, phantom, whatever you want to call it, it’s all essentially the same thing- just a scary story they tell kids in an attempt to get them to behave. An urban legend is just a life lesson disguised as a horror story after all. For us folk living up in the tiny and once prosperous gold-mining town of Trillium, ours was known simply as The Locust Man. Now, let me start by saying, I realize how ridiculous that name must sound to you. “The Locust Man”?? Pftt…What’s he do, besides get stuck in the grill of someone’s pick-up truck. Destroy some crops? Oooh, he sounds real scary... yeah, I know. But yet, as I sit here today 20 years after the fact - a grown woman who’s wiser, stronger, and even more grounded in reality than she was at 12, I still hesitate to even write down that name. 

As a young child I had always thought it to be a little weird that our town was called Trillium, considering I had never seen a single one growing there. If you don’t know, a trillium is a small flower, usually white but they come in other color varieties as well, with three pedals and a bright yellow center. They sort of look like if you took a lily and tore off every other pedal playing “He loves me, he loves me not”. In school, about 2nd grade or so, we were taught everything about this elusive flower I’d never seen in real life, and told how proud our town was to be named after it. Trillium, Colorado was established in 1922 - A new town born in the wake of a great tragedy which befell the town that had previously sat in the same location. For us, and those that came before us, the trillium was supposed to be a symbol of hope. Knowing all that I know now, that sentiment almost makes me want to laugh - in a morbid way.

 Growing up in a small, mostly isolated town, there really wasn’t much for a kid to do. You’d have to drive 45 minutes to get to the closest mall and movie theater. The high school kids would usually all hang out at the roller rink downtown or at the old run-down burger joint called Slim’s that sat across it. But at that age, I wasn’t allowed to go hang out there by myself yet and for me, going with my parents tagging along wasn’t an option I was open to. My neighborhood was on a long dead end road leading up to a large patch of woods that separated the main part of town from the abandoned mine. The old trail the miners used was still accessible up until a point, and so me and the other kids from my street would hang out in those woods all the time. We had a “secret spot” which was, what we thought at the time, about half way through the woods, 10 steps away from a small shallow creek that pretty much ran the length of the area. Rain Creek, we called it. There was a small clearing there, and we had created our own little clubhouse using old milk crates as supports, half- broken wooden pallets as walls, along with some old lawn chairs one of the neighbors was throwing out one day. I made my contribution by bringing a tarp we had in our basement that served as the roof of our establishment. Our parents didn’t love the idea of five 10 to 12 year olds running around in the woods by ourselves, but as long as we stayed within earshot and made it back before the streetlights came on, they probably figured it was safer than us being across town galavanting unsupervised. 

It was me, Lacey, Devin, Mikey and Michelle. We were all best friends - pretty much inseparable, except the boys weren’t invited to the girls’ sleepovers and vise versa. Everyday after school, we’d get dropped off by the bus at the very beginning of our road, and it was a running joke between the Rain Street Gang (as we liked to call ourselves) for all of us to try and run off the bus as quickly as possible, while me, Lacey and Devin would all yell in unison ‘Last two home are some rotten eggs!!’, as Mikey and Michelle tried to push past us to get a head start. The aforementioned two were siblings, and lived in the very last house on our row right next to the woods, so they’d always get home last, regardless of their efforts. Although, the year that Mikey got a pair of Heelys for Christmas he finally got his edge over the rest of us, leaving Michelle to be the lone “rotten egg” until the next summer when one of his wheels broke off. The whole point of it all was just to get home and get our chores and homework done as fast as possible, so we could meet up at Mikey and Michelle’s house with enough daylight left to make our trek into the woods and back - together as a group. All five of us had made a pact to never visit the clubhouse without all members present, although us girls always had a sneaking suspicion that the boys thought themselves exempt from that rule. They, after all, were the ones that had discovered the spot in the first place, and not to mention, did most of the physical labor of dragging our provisions out there. Me and Lacey initially only heard about the spot a day after the boys found it; Michelle had walked into Mikey’s room in the middle of him and Devin talking about it, and immediately relayed the message to us. Michelle wasn’t necessarily more loyal to the girls than the boys, she was just the youngest among us and honestly couldn’t resist blurting out any mildly relevant information she thought she might have, in an effort to be included. But in that regard, if the boys had ever gone out there on their own, they would’ve had to be extremely sneaky about it, because Michelle’s number one objective in life was to gather any piece of intel she could. It was a seemingly normal Saturday morning when we learned our suspicions about the boys may have been warranted.
I had slept over at Lacey’s house the night before. We had just woken up and were still sitting on her bed discussing our possible plans for the day, when Michelle busted through the door with a look on her face that immediately told us she had finally gotten a hold of some juicy information, before she could even open her mouth to stutter out, “You-you-you guyssss, guess w-w-what!?!” Lacey gestured the nail file that was in her hand toward her, raising her eyebrows bluntly as Michelle tried to catch her breath. “So… Devin came to sleep over last night, annnnnd I was pretending to go to the bathroom so I could spy on them. Seeeeee, I was supposed to be sleeping but I -“ “Ughh come on Michelle, get to it! What’d you hear?” Lacey snapped “Ughh okay okay. So, I heard the boys talking, anddddd…. they’re planning to go explore the old mine today!!” “Alright Michelle! Good spying!” I chuckled, trying to encourage her after Lacey’s impatience. Lacey rolls her eyes, then immediately stands up. She takes the scrunchie off her wrist, ties her long blonde hair into a messy bun, and simply said, “Let’s go.” “Lacey..” I said “What??” She responds as if she hadn’t registered the tone of my voice at all. As I opened my mouth to begin explaining all the logical and practical reasons why even if the boys were stupid enough to go play around somewhere dangerous, we shouldn’t be, Michelle exclaims, “That’s where the Locust Man lives!!” I close my mouth in defeat, as I know Lacey will take this nonsense as a challenge, and because of that, no amount of my warnings concerning actual dangers would have any effect on her decision. Lacey dismisses her comment as she attempts to shove her foot into one of her new pink sneakers that she refuses to admit are too small for her. “Pshhh, don’t be such a baby Michelle, he’s not real, you do know that right?” Michelle crinkled her face and yelled back, “Yes he is Lacey! He is!! And th-th- that’s where he lives, and he eats kids that go there!” Lacey laughs at her and says “Oh yeah? You still believe in Santa clause too? What about the tooth fairy?” Michelle looked down at her shoes, and although she could admittedly be annoying, I found myself feeling bad for her. “Come on Lacey, she’s just scared.” Lacey shot me a look like she was expecting me to burst into laughter, but I just gave her a smirk and a shrug, and she rolled her eyes and said “Get dressed.”

 We walked in silence toward the end of the road, though the reasons for all three differed drastically. Lacey’s was determination and resolve, mine was comtemptousness and defeat, and Michelle’s was just fear. I found myself half-way hoping the boys had left already, but as we approached the driveway we caught them just as they were about to step off the porch. 

“Hey!!” Lacey yelled, in her trademark cheerleader cadence. “Where do you boys think you’re going without us?”. Mikey let a groan and rolled his eyes, while Devin said through a coy smile, “Well, we were actually just heading out to go to find you girls.” “Liar.” Lacey snapped, quickly wiping the grin off Devin’s face. “Michelle already blabbed- we know where you two are going and we’re coming too.” The boys looked at each other, then Mikey shot Michelle an angry look as she tried to shrink herself behind me, and said, “Fine, whatever, but no cry baby snitches allowed!!” Michelle then proceeded to prove both of his accusations correct by yelling back, “I am not a cry baby!! I’m telling mom if you don’t let me come with you!!” At that point I finally spoke up. “Alright, listen.” I said sternly, then once I had their attention I lowered my voice a bit to say, “Just for the record, I think us going to that grody old mine is a dumb idea and a big waste of time, but if one of us goes, we all go. That’s the deal, so make your decisions.” Lacey folded her arms in solidarity beside me, and with that we all had an unspoken understanding. So, with the boys out ahead leading the way, we headed toward the tree line.

 As we entered the woods, I felt a sense of dread wash over me - but to be fair, as a preteen emo kid who had already reached an adult level of cynicism, I felt a certain level of dread towards almost everything in life. So take my premonition with a grain of salt, but for some reason, this felt… different. I remember the woods being abnormally quiet that day. It took some time for me to even notice, but as soon as I did, I interrupted the mindless chatter going on to say, 

“Where are all the freakin’ birds?” Everyone turned to look at me as if I’d completely lost my mind. “Uhhh… What are you talking about?” Devin asked me. I pointed up toward the treetops. “Listen…. ” They all looked up, then looked around at each other in confusion. “Every time we’ve ever been in these woods, there’s always birds chirping back and forth. We’ve been walking almost 5 minutes now and I haven’t heard a single bird, have you guys?” “Damn, yeah, that is weird.” Mikey agreed. “They probably all just migrated!!” Devin goofily offered. “That’s stupid Devin, it’s spring. If anything, there should be more birds here, not less you moron.” Lacie argued. Devin flipped Lacie off, which was the best rebuttal he could usually come up with, and then turned toward me and said, “Okay whatever, what’s your point exactly?” “Just that - “ I looked over to Mikey, then back at Devin. “It’s weird.” I didn’t want to say what I was actually thinking. That the woods being too quiet was never a good thing. That when birds aren’t chirping, it could mean there’s a predator nearby. Besides, I was pretty confident that the boys, having both been in the scouts, knew what I knew, so saying it out loud would only serve to annoy Lacie and further frighten Michelle. Mikey broke his gaze that had been fixed on me, and while scanning our surroundings he said, “Let’s stop by the clubhouse on the way.” With a nod from me, we continued. When we arrived at our pit stop, Lacey hobbled over to the closest lawn chair and plopped herself down in it. “Ughhh, my feet are killing me!!” “I wonder why.” I mutter under my breath. “Excuse me, what was that?” “Just saying. Those shoes are gonna be the death of you Lace, you can barely walk in them.” “Pshhh, shut up. They just need to be broken-in okay? You’re just jealous cuz you’re still wearing your dirty old Vans from last year.” “Oooh yeah, you got me there. I am so sad I don’t have a pair of ugly pink Sketchers that don’t fit me.” She stuck her tongue out at me and we both laughed. I was just about the only person who could go toe to toe with Lacey’s sass. It’s part of the reason we ended up being best friends, besides being neighbors. In regard to style, personality and interests, we were almost polar opposites. But when it came to humor we were equals. And more importantly, we both had a mutual understanding when it came to our differences- I was me and she was her, and neither of us felt the need to try and make the other one be more like us. Besides, I was the only person who had ever really stood up to Lacey and didn’t take any of her crap, so I think she respected that. While that exchange had been going on, Michelle had started picking tiny pink flowers, and the boys were rummaging in the clubhouse for something. I yelled in their direction, “Hey! Big Mike and Dirty D!!” Me and Lacey giggled and she mouthed the word “big” with air quotation marks. They didn’t respond, so I walked over to the entryway and looked in. They were standing with their backs to me while looking down at an open metal box, and Mikey was reaching to grab whatever was in it. As he stood back up, I could see what it was. “What the fuck Mikey, seriously?” Hearing me cuss, Lacey and Michelle crowded in behind me. “Chill, it’s just a BB gun.” “I know it’s a BB gun Michael, what are you doing with it, and why is it here?” I was livid at the thought that he might be coming out here and shooting at animals just to be a shithead. I expected something like that from a goober like Devin, but not Mikey. Michelle butted in, “I’m telling mom!!!” “Nice try, dad knows I have it.” He looked at me and softened his tone. “It’s for protection, just in case we come across a black bear, or some weirdo creep out here. Seriously… it’s just to scare off something, not hurt it.” He knew how I felt about killing animals, especially for no good reason. A lot of people out here are poor and hunt for food, which I could accept as a reality. But hurting animals just for fun is psycho behavior, so I was relieved to hear him dispel my fear; I really didn’t want to have to hate him. “Do you even know how to shoot that thing?” Lacey asked. “Yeah, my dad showed me.” Devin clapped his hands together, making us all jump and himself laugh. “Well alright then, let’s get going!” I turned to Michelle, still holding the flowers. “You okay?” She nodded. “If you want me to walk back with you, I can.” I was slightly hoping she’d say yes so I’d have an excuse to get out of this excursion, but she just shook her head and forced a smile. I knew she was scared, but she was just too curious. Maybe I was too.

 We walked for what felt like half an hour. The trees had gotten more dense and the path narrowed from the overgrowth. Still no birdsong. I kept scanning the area in search of any sign of life other than us. Looking for movement of creatures scurrying away, listening for the sound of rustling as we passed, hoping for a squirrel, a lizard, even a bug. Nothing. 

“How much further is this damn thing?” Lacey groaned. Mikey answered without even turning around. “We should be coming up on it any time now.” “You said that like 10 minutes ago.” “Yeah, and now we’re like 10 minutes closer to it. And hey guess what, you insisted on inviting yourself - so suck it up buttercup.” “Hahahaha!” Devin laughed like a maniac at Mikey’s quip, while Lacey folded her arms and for once in her life didn’t have a snappy comeback. This time however, I did. “Well we really only came along to make sure you idiots didn’t kill yourselves.” “Oh, so you girls came out here with us to be our protectors, huh?” Devin laughed. “Ehh, more like babysitters.” Needless to say, I was flipped off for that statement. We rounded the next bend and suddenly all came to an abrupt stop one after another, starting with Mikey. Devin positioned himself beside him and let out a disappointed groan. “Shit Mikey!” A huge tree had fallen and was blocking the trail completely. There was no way we could climb over it because of all the leaves and branches - we’d have to go around it, which meant leaving the safety of the trail and crossing Rain Creek twice to get back to it. “Seriously???” Lacey exclaimed. “Maybe it’s a sign that we shouldn’t be going.” I shrugged. Mikey didn’t seem fazed by the obstruction at all. In fact, he seemed more confident. More calm. More sure of his intended mission. “It’s fine, we’ll just go around.” Michelle, who had been mostly quiet this whole time, finally broke her fear induced silence. “We are NOT supposed to leave the tr-tr-trail Michael! We could get lost!” “We aren’t gonna get lost Michelle, I have a compass. Plus, it’s literally just a few paces that way, then we cross the creek and circle back once we pass the tree and we’re right back on the trail.” “Oh you have got to be kidding me” Lacey said, “I’m not treading through that nasty water!” “Yeah Mikey, what about Lacey’s brand new shoes??” I laughed, and she playfully slapped me in the arm. Mikey’s patience was wearing thin with us. “Look, we already walked this far - if we turn back now, we’ve wasted the whole day for nothing. If you girls wanna be lame and turn around, then go for it - but me and Dev are going.” That’s all Lacey needed. A challenge to accept; someone to prove wrong. “I’ll show you lame.” She pushed past the boys and lead the way into the thick brush towards Rain Creek. It wasn’t very wide across, and there were lots of fallen limbs and large rocks spread throughout it. The current was barely that of a trickle, and the depth was no more than knee deep for us. It was definitely doable - just an inconvenience. And of course, one more ominous obstacle lying directly in our path. Another hint from the universe telling us to turn around. We didn’t listen. Lacey placed one foot on the closest limb and pushed down a few times to test its sturdiness. “I got this.” She stepped out onto it with both feet, then shimmied sideways until she was close enough to the large exposed rock in the middle of the creek, and hopped onto it. She turned around with a full grin and said, “Coming?” Mikey made his way across the limb as Lacey hopped onto a different limb which led her to the other side of the creek. Devin followed, then me, and then it was Michelle’s turn. “I’m scared to fall in!” Of course she is, I should have made her go before me. “It’s okay Michelle, it’s easy!” I reassured her. She didn’t look convinced in the slightest. “Come on Chelle, we’re leaving you!” Mikey yelled, already walking away. “Nooo!! I’m coming! Wait!” She made it across, but instead of just walking like everyone else did, she got down on her hands and knees and gripped the limb as if it were the only thing in between her and a 50 foot drop to the ground, which was funny to see but prolonged the whole process further. After all, we were about to have to do all of this again. Next go round went a lot smoother. The creek was more shallow here, and there were a whole lot more stepping rocks and debris built up. Having just crossed successfully a few minutes ago, we were all more confident in our abilities, including Michelle - who this time we made go first. “Just walk across like it’s a bridge! You got this!!”, we all cheered for her, and then clapped when she made it to the other side. Before we knew it we were back on the trail, and it wasn’t long after that we finally arrived at our intended destination.

 We all stopped and stared at it for a minute, carefully examining the dilapidated exterior of the place that had brought both prosperity and destruction upon our town. Mikey bent down, picked up a rock and threw it into the entrance. We heard it bounce a few times before it stopped. 

“Just to make sure nothing’s in there.” he turned around to clarify. “Did anyone think to bring a flashlight?” I asked. “It’s dark as hell in there.” I was hoping for just one more reason not to go. Devin reached into his cargo shorts pocket and pulled out a small keychain-sized flashlight, smiling with the satisfaction of finally being useful. “Okay, Mikey’ll hold the gun, I’ll shine the light and you girls follow behind us. Let’s go.” Mikey shifted the BB gun from its position of resting on his shoulder, to holding the barrel in his left hand and the butt in his right; trying his best to emulate a soldier’s stance. Something his dad had taught him I’m sure. We ducked down a bit to enter. “How far in we going?” Lacey asked. “Until we see something cool.” Mikey answered. I turned around to check on Michelle, still hovering in the doorway. “You coming?” I could see in her eyes that fear had finally gotten the better of her, and curiosity had taken a backseat. With wide eyes she shook her head. “The-the Locust Man lives in there.”, she tried to whisper. “I knew you were gonna be a baby about this!” Mikey yelled. I crouched down and put my hand on her shoulder. Against my better judgment, I say “How bout you just wait here for us and pick some more flowers. We won’t be long, there’s nothing in there, I promise. Just.. don’t move from this spot and we’ll be right back, okay?” I could feel her unease, but she seemed to accept my reassurance nonetheless. “Okay.” I smiled, then stood up and looked down at my watch to check the time. 12:46 PM. I turned and headed into the darkness, trying to catch up with everyone else. I didn’t feel good about leaving Michelle, but I didn’t feel good about letting the rest of them go in there alone either. And if I’m being honest, maybe a little part of me wanted to see what was in there too. When I caught up to Lacey she asked, “Where’s Michelle?” “Stayed behind at the entrance, she was too scared. I told her to pick flowers and wait there for us.” “Pshh, figures.” “Yeah. How’s your feet?” “At this point, numb actually.” It was so dark in there that even Devin’s rinky dink flashlight was illuminating the area enough for me to start taking a closer look at my surroundings. I looked around at the rock walls, they were covered in what looked like orange mold and green algae. There was a slight breeze coming in from the entrance, but the whole place just had a staleness to it. The boys stopped and turned around as we arrived at the first curve. “So ladies, what do you think? Cool huh?” Devin asked excitedly. “Smells like a fart in here.” I said.

 The most dangerous thing about exploring an old mine wasn’t getting lost in the maze of tunnels, or tripping on the rusted tracks and slamming your head against the wall - it was something simply referred to as bad air. Pockets of still air that have dangerously low levels of oxygen, the old men in town would call it “black damp”. There was also something produced from the old chemicals they once used called “stink damp”, which smelled like rotten eggs. Both were lethal. 

“I wonder if there’s dead bodies in here!” “Uh, Dev… we’re gonna be the dead bodies in here if we go in too far. I wasn’t just making a joke, you know that rotten egg smell can mean bad air.” Mikey interjected. “The entrance isn’t far behind us, there’s still enough fresh air coming in. We won’t go in too far, let’s just get to the end of this tunnel where it splits off and look around a bit, then we’ll turn around.” The fork in the tunnel really wasn’t that much further, and even though I knew once we rounded this curve I wouldn’t be able to see the entrance behind me anymore, I decided what the hell. Maybe a hundred more steps, then we can finally turn around and this whole dumb situation would be closer to being over with. When we got there, we looked down the length of the connecting tunnels each way. Everything looked unusually identical in its deterioration. I could see how someone could easily get disoriented and lost down here. “Hellooooo…” Mikey yelled to the left, his voice echoing through the corridor. Devin turned to the opposite direction and called out, “Hey yo, Locust Man!! You in here?” We all giggled, which made me think about Michelle, still waiting at the entrance for us, alone in the woods. I looked down at my watch. 12:46 PM. “Hey what the f-“ My cuss word was interrupted by a loud bang that came from the passageway Devin had just been hollering into. We all froze. I didn’t have time to process that my watch had stopped right as we entered the tunnel, or that Michelle had been left alone for who knows how long now, or that we had just heard what sounded like a support beam crashing to the ground, because next came a horrifying screeching buzzing sound. It sounded distant at first, but was quickly increasing in volume. We silently looked around at each other and backed away stunned at what we were hearing. Mikey never took his eyes off the tunnel though, and slowly he began to raise the BB gun to firing position. Without even thinking, I grabbed the barrel and pushed it downward. He quickly tore his eyes away from his target to look at me. I shook my head and managed to barely choke out the word, “Explosion.” He nodded and I let go. I looked down at the gun in his hands, and seeing his finger had already been on the trigger, I realized how lucky it was that I didn’t make him shoot himself in the foot. All of a sudden, the noise stopped. “What the hell was that?” Lacey asked. “I don’t know, nothing good.” I said. “Let’s just get the fuck out of here before this whole place caves in on us or something.” Another loud bang erupted from the right, extremely close to us. “Shit!!!” We all turned around and ran as fast as we could back toward the entrance. Devin tried to push past me, but as he did my elbow knocked the flashlight out of his hand. “My flashlight!!!” “Leave it!” Mikey shouted “The turn is right here, we won’t need it!” We rounded the corner, and using what little light there was illuminating from the entrance to guide us back, we ran like our lives depended on it. And they may have- none of us dared to look back, not like we would have been able to see anything anyway. When we finally made it out, we were all completely out of breath. I felt like I was going to throw up. I have to admit though, once we had made it back to safety I felt a rush of adrenaline like I had just had a near death experience. That feeling quickly faded into sheer panic when I looked around and realized Michelle was nowhere to be seen. “Uh, where’s Michelle?” Mikey asked me. “I told her to stay right here, she can’t be very far… Michelle!!!!” We all called her name, as loud as we could. No answer, no sign of her anywhere. “Alright look, she probably went off a little further looking for flowers to pick.” I tried to rationalize. “Let’s just split off in 4 directions and walk in a straight line while calling for her. She’s bound to hear one of us.” Everyone agreed, and even though I appeared outwardly as the level-headed calm person you need to take control in an emergency, inside I was petrified that something had happened to her, and that it would be my fault. I took the east, and headed out. It didn’t take too long before I passed a large tree and saw her sitting down behind it, looking at something on the ground. “Michelle! Oh thank god!! Didn’t you hear us calling for you??” She didn’t answer me, or even turn around. “Michelle, didn’t I tell you to stay by the entrance and not move?!?” My relief was quickly turning into annoyance as she continued to ignore me. I walked up closer to see what she was looking at, and my mouth dropped in awe of what she had found. It was a single white trillium.

 They say it takes 8 years for a trillium plant to produce a flower, and conditions have to be just right for it to bloom. That’s what makes them so special and rare. I stared down at it almost in a trance, like I was seeing a mythical creature. Michelle slowly reached out her hand towards it and I snapped out of it. 

“No!!” I grabbed her by the arm and she finally turned around to look at me. “If you pick the flower, the plant will die.” She ripped her arm away from my grasp and whined, “But I want to show my mom!” We heard Mikey calling from the north and I cupped my hands over my mouth to yell back, “I found her, she’s over here!!” I looked back at her. “No Michelle, come on, you can just tell her about it when we get back home.” I had enough, I was beyond ready to go and we still had at least another 45 minutes of walking to even get back to the clubhouse; an hour if Michelle kept up her crap. I grabbed her arm again and pulled her up to a standing position, looking back at the trillium as I walked her away. Mikey caught up to us, breathless but trying to hide his concern. “You little shit, we should have left you out here! What the hell were you doing?” I let go of her arm and she walked toward Mikey. “She was trying to pick a flower over there.” “It was a trillium!!” Michelle said, with the biggest smile on her face. “Wait, really?” He looked at me in disbelief. Before I could respond, a blood curdling scream echoed through the forest, coming from the west. It was Lacey. My heart dropped into my stomach and once again, every molecule in my body went into full blown panic mode. This time, I couldn’t contain my composure. “Laceyyyyyy!!!!!” A panicked shriek erupted from my lungs and I took off running. Mikey grabbed Michelle and sprinted after us. The trees became a blur; I didn’t even feel all the scratches and scrapes. Had she come across a coyote? A mountain lion? A bear? I didn’t even stop to think about the danger I might be about to come in contact with, I just ran. And then I found her. She was lying on the ground, holding her left foot. “Lacey!!” I said, trying to choke back the tears that were building up. “I think I twisted my ankle!!” “Oh god damn it, you bitch.” I struggled to catch my breath. “I thought you were dead.” “I might as well be, I have cheerleading practice on Monday!” Mikey and Michelle caught up to us. “What happened?” He asked “She’s being a drama queen, she just rolled her ankle.” I was angry. “Can you get up?” He asked her. She was able to stand, but as soon as she tried to put any pressure on her foot at all, she screamed in pain. We spotted Devin running over from the south as he was yelling out, “Hey yo, everyone alive and accounted for?” “Yeah, Lacey hurt her ankle.” Mikey yelled back. As he approached he looked concerned. “Can you walk on it?” He asked her. “No.” Without hesitation he replied, “Well alright then, looks like you’re gonna have to piggyback it all the way back home.” He lowered himself enough to where she could hop up onto his back, and we headed back toward the trail. Even though my nerves had begun to settle a bit, I knew we were still far from being out of the woods, in more ways than one.

Was flying a lot this past weekend and decided to watch probably the weirdest combination of films to watch back to back. Watch out for spoilers!
Shutter Island:
Sadly I was half spoiled before I even started the movie I wanted to see who was in the film and it said the Killer was Leo’s character so for half the film I was wondering how he killed the missing patient before getting on the island. Thankfully I still got surprised by the twist that he was a patient himself.
This might be obvious to a lot of people or I’m extremely dumb but I do think Leo’s character was “cured” at the end of the film. I think when he’s on the footsteps with Mark Ruffalo’s character and he checking to see if Leo’s character has relapsed into his strange fantasy of investigating the island he makes this remark that he would rather die a good man and walks peacefully with the staff and doctors knowing the impending doom of that action. I do think he was “cured” but couldn’t live with himself anymore and he good still be a good man in his make believe world and opted for the brain surgery.
Finally I don’t think I’ve ever seen a film depict allied forces entering a Nazi death camp before. I’m sure I would never emotionally or mentally recover from seeing it.
Suzume:
I had held off on watching this even though I’m a huge anime nerd because I didn’t really like the premise of a man turning into a chair for the whole movie. I was mistaken because I believe the gimmick added to the film because we could focus more on Suzume’s personal journey and discovery.
Overall I think my favorite part of the film was showing the kindness of strangers. Throughout the film multiple people help Suzume out of the goodness of their heart and sometime I forgot that there is kindness in this world. I also felt where the worm was coming from with all the abandoned places filled with memories. I’m sure I’ve left some of my own feelings in places that are no longer there.
The Green Knight
I truly loved every minute of this film. If I had seen this in theaters when it came out in 2021 I know for a fact that it would have been my movie of the year. I’m now in a minor dilemma because out of all the films I’ve seen this year, there hasn’t been a single film in 2024 in my eyes that is better than The Green Knight.
I think the reason I love it so much is because I really do connect to Gawain on a personal level. I think the weariness of the journey, wanting to do more in life, and to show people that you went out an accomplished something you can be proud of resonates a lot with me.
The ending however was a rollercoaster! When he runs away and then there is a montage of his life and how depressing it is because you know that he’s just the biggest coward until death pissed me off. Like I said, throughout the film I had connected with him and when I seriously thought that’s how the film would end and I was saddened because I personally would have kept my end of the bargain even if it meant getting my head chopped off. So when it cuts back to the chapel and it was all just running through Gawain head as a scenario I was relieved and also glad he was rewarded by his bravery.
Overall happy with all the films I watched and definitely recommend all them.

Ok, So I've decided to speak my final peace and be done even thinking about this shit considering I'm pretty sure you have a new man anyways. It'll be long, so.. Read it or not. I've gotta do it. Lots you've heard over and over. Some maybe not. But, here goes..
L,
I TRULY, ONLY, ever wanted what is absolute best for you. I've only ever wanted you to be happy. And i hate that it couldn't be "us" that did that for you. That being said. I still don't even truly know what to believe. I don't know what was real, What wasn't. Given everything that happened and the way it happened and noticing more things as i go back and watch our vod. It truly seems to me like you weren't even that into me the whole time. Unless it had to do with anything sexual. And I'm beginning to believe even that may have been an act. I don't think we were real to you. I think that you came here just to distract me from the truth. And I'm sorry that didn't work out for you.
I do, however. HIGHLY regret talking to you the way i did. Even given what you did and what you were doing. I should've just walked away instead of letting my temper get the best of me and Yelling and name calling like i did. I'm far too old for that shit and I was acting like a child. I do acknowledge the fact that some of the things I've said out of pure anger and pain could have very well hurt your feelings. And this is my final, yet, VERY sincere apology for acting in such ways. I regret it every day. Not a day goes by that i don't. I was just hurt. VERY hurt. I think a lot more hurt than you'll ever realize, or even care to. I just wanted you to do right by me so bad. I knew what was happening. I knew the mistakes we were both making before, during, and the aftermath that was to come. And i was so MAD at you for not listening to me knowing how i felt about you and knowing how honest i really have been with you. I was telling you the whole time that you were showing loyalty to someone else over me. And that's not what you're supposed to do in a relationship. It's supposed to be you and your person against the world. And i felt like it was you and them, against me. While i DO regret how I've acted. I do not regret the intent and my reasoning behind acting such ways. Because just like i told you. It was indeed, The only way i knew how to fight for us and try to talk some since into you from so far away. I was trying to get you to treat me right and give me the same respect I'd given you. To this day, I have nothing hidden from you. I always to the truth, No matter how hard, or afraid for any reason i may have been. Even if i lied at first. I myself always came to you with the 100% truly and i gave you proof in ways leaving you no room to doubt as reassurance i was doing just that.
I'll say it again, stop listening to you friend. If he was any friend at all. As SOON as you told him you were in love with somebody he would stop communicating everyday all day. Because in the real world.. Communicating like you two do will always put some sort of doubt into your partners mind rather it be subconsciously or well conscious and expressed clearly. In a relationship. It is NOT ok to send the types of pictures you sent to him given your past be "dating" or "fuck buddies" whatever you were. And him clearly stating to you that he will ALWAYS "have the hots for you" (that's hitting on you, in case you didn't know). And it is NOT ok to talk about playing with yourself nor your sex life with your partner to somebody whose been such in your life of the opposite sex. Therapists being the exception. Idc what anyone says about how much they trust their partner, Things like this will cause issues. Pretty sure it's a universal boundary unless you're in an open relationship. Which we'd clearly stated was not our case. So, you knew better. And so did he. So if he was truly your friend, He would've well understood if you politely told him you'd crossed boundaries that were not ok and wished not to continue talking like you did. A every now and then "check in" or "catch up" is fine. And i told you that as well. But you'd proven you could not be trusted conversing with this person as you were. I feel like i asked nothing outrageous or unfair given the circumstances of this situation. Specially considering the photos sent, passing up plenty of appropriate photos that would've gotten the same point across.
Now, he used an analogy with me once. " If the police came knocking at your door asking to come inside and look around, just to clear you as a suspect. And you had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to hide and you were COMPLETELY INNOCENT. and they didn't have a warrant, just wanted to clear your name. would you let them in?" I said "Yes, why wouldn't I? I'm innocent and have nothing to hide. I let them in and they see that.. my name is cleared and they see I'm innocent. Therefore, leaving me alone"
He called me crazy as fuck and said he absolutely would not. He's rebellious for no reason. He's the type that ends up getting shot during a traffic stop just for being an idiot and making himself look like hes up to no good even if hes not up to shit.
Now, I understand we as humans deserve our privacy. 100% agree with that. But, You also have to understand that.. like I've said, It's situational. If I'm COMPLETELY INNOCENT and have nothing to hide.. I don't and will never mind giving up a tad bit of privacy for a brief moment to prove so. SPECIALLY when it's for somebody i love and to prove to them that even though I've agreed and they have every right to think something. I'm innocent and they have nothing to worry about. I'd show them anything they wanted to see, given i was innocent... that is. Even if I'd had enough and was leaving anyways.. I'd do it just for them. Because i loved them and wanted them to know even though we're done. I was good to them and they will never have to question it. Not to mention... It would just make them look dumb for blaming me and i could show them anything proving they were wrong lol
He knew what he was telling you made you look guilty, Everyone knew and even you said not showing it made you look guilty. So there's only ONE reason i STILL have NOT seen it. And....well... LMAO
Anyways...
Regardless if anything was EVER real on your part. Which it doesn't seem like it was. Considering everything. Specially how you knew my current life outside of us and how it was going. And you knew my past and how EVERYONE has hurt me. You continued to do so, Having the power to AT LEAST give me a little peace of mind. Or AT LEAST a little clarity. You were leaving anyways. It wouldn't have hurt you. But, You still seen how you were making me feel, and the things you were making me question. And CHOSE to do NOTHING. I wouldn't do what you did to me to you, EVER. Because i loved you. Hell I wouldn't do a STRANGER the way you did me. Just to be honest. But i get it, honestly. You COULDN'T tell the truth or show it. Because you were scared I'd tell his wife. And some of my other "friends" knew too and were keeping it from me. And your bad advice friend, wouldn't let you. Even though you say he had no influence. I know he told you he wouldn't be your friend anymore if you showed me. Once again showing loyalty to another person over me.. Telling me i was the love of your life.
I loved you. With all of me. I would never tell you something i think about do you any harm. I'll ALWAYS have your best interest at heart. ALWAYS. Even given everything that's happened and you making me out to be the bad guy. Read back through it all bbygirl. Even when i was asking you to prove things. I was telling you then i wanted you to prove what i was seeing wasn't true and i WANTED us to work. I was just seeing too much.
But, I guess me still proving up until now you could TRUST ME. And that I LOVE YOU. And that I'm loyal to YOU. Isn't and never will be good enough for you to tell everyone else to fuck off. Look at what actually happened and how long i was still there. And Bring your ass HOME.
last time I'll ever say this. I didn't care what the truth was. I never did. You're the only person I've ever considered an open relationship, JUST to keep you. So i didn't really care that you may or may not have fucked him... or him... or anyone else for that matter. I've been shitty in my day. Beyond shitty. I'm not here to judge you. What i DID, CARE about. Was you hiding things from me. Was you lying to me. Was you telling me you loved me and being loyal to somebody who not only did you say you didn't give a fuck about.. But threw you STRAIGHT under the bus and gave you up to try and save himself. ALL you had to do... was show me ONCE AND FOR ALL. after EVERYTHING... That you were down to ride for ME. THE TRUTH... And i would've worked with you through anything. I loved you like that.
But, too late now i guess. I tried my absolute hardest. Came here talking shit out of anger bc I'm STILL mad at you for messing up and running instead of fixing it. For breaking us both apart. i wasn't innocent.. But my GOD L. That shit was overkill. I've never been so dirty :(
Learn from this. So that with this guy.. You don't make the same mistakes. And you can be happy. Take my advice.. I PROMISE it'll last A LOT longer than we did. And you deserve to be happy. And that little one of yours deserves a father figure to love her like she was his. Don't settle for less.
I love ya, dork.
This is mys LAST, LAST letter to you.
BC i think it was all fake anyways. No way all the shit I've seen and how you were towards the end, was it not. NOT POSSIBLE. Because like i said. I actually loved you. And there's no amount of money nor evil that could make me do you how you did me in the end. period.
Take it easy,

Supposedly it'd always been this way, stretching way back to when my Grandpa opened this place almost 97 years ago. I inherited it when he passed a decade or so ago given that my father didn't want anything to do with the place, and since then I've made sure to diligently follow his final wish.
He might've left me the theater, but there was one condition. Not that it'd be enforceable if I went against his wish - more about that later - but the condition was present nonetheless.
Never, ever let the film stop running in Screen 6.
Now, I'd practically grown up in that theater given it was a nice little hang-out spot after closing time - but I never knew anything about the existence of a sixth screen. It had always been five. Grandpa left that sentence and a little picture guide to find the controls for that screen as well as the security footage system for it. He also left a letter, only to be opened once I had been running the theatre for long enough to understand the importance of Screen 6. It baffled me at the time, but I kept that wish too and tucked the letter away. He never told me where to find the screen itself, either. The first thing I did was check the cameras, only to find they showed nothing of interest. No movie-goers were present in this secret little screen, nor were any employees. The black and white footage from the vantage point of a camera positioned above the screen of a silent, empty room filled with rows and rows and endless rows of dusty chairs stared back at me. Somehow it was larger than all of our other screens. After unlocking the neat little contraption he described, I realised the system for that screen was digital. "Huh, strange" I mumbled given the fact our theater was always quite proud of being the only film-only establishment in town.
I suppose digital files make running the screen endlessly an easier task. Something jumped out at me, though. The digital file being used to loop over and over was just that, a singular file. It wasn't cycling through a library of movies. The same one was playing over. And over. The file name?
"sacrifice.mxf"
I've always been a curious person, and part of me wanted to resist. Some instinct was screaming at me to stop. But I couldn't. I had to take a glimpse at the little outdated screen synced up to the projector. It was grainy and degraded, footage that looked like it had been shot in the mid-20th century or so. A group of men dressed in black and women dressed in white circled a tree with interlocked hands. They looked like they were speaking. Maybe singing. Regardless, there was no audio. They went round and round this great old tree for what felt like forever, before stopping in their tracks and just standing there for a minute or two. The footage cut an unspecified amount of time forward to reveal their black and white garments blowing in the wind as they hung from various branches of the tree. All of them. It didn't matter that there wasn't any audio, I could feel the silence seeping out of that screen.
Cut to black.
Part of me was horrified, and another part retained some morbid sense of fascination with what I'd seen. I wasn't planning on going against Grandpa's wishes anyway, but at least I'd seen something that spooked me enough to justify the strangeness of it all. Was that the entire film that had been playing over and over for god knows how long? How was such a massive auditorium just hidden away somewhere? What the fuck was that video?
I needed to find out. God, I wish I hadn't. But I did.
The next few weeks were spent meticulously researching everything I could possibly find about our little family-owned theater. My little theater. I spent hours on end in that projector room trying to make sense of what was being played. The footage described above wasn't alone but remained similar to the others I've since seen. All feature large groups of people in what looks like pre-war Europe. 1930 or so is my best guess. They start off peaceful enough, almost joyous, but I've learned by now to reject the faux happiness depicted. It grabs a hold of you before the violent sacrifices that soon follow rip your heart out. Sometimes I wonder about the people shown. There are so many of them across the different short films, probably more than I've known in my entire lifetime. All of them met such a gruesome end. It might sound easy to throw away their collective existence as mere pixels on a screen, but I can't.
The local newspaper allowed me access to their archive to find out a little more, and things began to tie themselves together. I had to sift through cardboard box after cardboard box to find what I'd been looking for, but I eventually did. Back in 1931, there had been an awful incident at our theater. At the time it was owned by Grandpa, and things were looking up given it was the only establishment of its kind in town - unfortunately something terrible was to happen soon. It was a cool October evening when local police were alerted to a disturbance down at the movie theater by terrified patrons. You see, back then there was a screen 6. Nestled right next to screen 5, it was the focal selling point as a state-of-the-art screen showing only the finest films. Those in screen 5 began to realise something was badly wrong when the sound of an incessantly crying and screaming child began to drown out the more pleasant sound of their film. "The Talkies", as films with spoken audio were known in their 1930s heyday, were a phenomenon and it took a lot to distract those in screen 5 from their entertainment. The child screamed for as long as it could until annoyance turned to worry and eventually fear.
By the time police swung open the double doors to Screen 6, the leather white seats were soaked in crimson red blood and the patrons inside had long since taken their last breaths.
Except one.
Still the child screamed.
I've always been open-minded when it comes to the unseen, not a believer per se, but not dismissive of the idea. Things began to come into a clearer focus. Hundreds of people had sacrificed themselves in that screen all those years ago, and now the screen is forever condemned to forever playing films of similar occurrences. The two had to be connected.
The letter.
It was time to open the letter. I was convinced I satisfied Grandpa's requirement for doing so, and it would fill in the parts of this deranged story I was missing. I slipped the letter out of its glum, off-white envelope and began to read.
"To my beloved Grandson,
By now you probably know much more about the story of our little theater than you did when I left it to you. I'm sorry it took until we were separated for you to learn the truth, but it was something that had to be done. Those people that are in the films playing on Screen 6 were part of an ancient cult. The Men of Mephistopheles they called themselves. They would live in communes and the peaceful images you've come to see are of their day-to-day lives, and as you have also come to see they would eventually offer themselves en masse in blood sacrifices. One of these sacrifices happened to take place in Screen 6 of our theater, and once again I'm sure you have come to learn of this given you are reading this letter.
The locations in which these sacrifices take place are forever bound to the souls lost there in some form or another. To illustrate, that great big tree in one of the films is now the site of countless suicides. Their crime? Daring to walk where the Men of Mephistopheles once walked, and where they left this Earth. Our particular curse happens to be that Screen 6 began to be the site of similar suicides, and so did our other screens. We could never figure out why they weren't contained to the immediate site of the original sacrifice, but needed to find a way to stop them. Times were tough, and the money the theater brought in was important to all of our lives. An occultist suggested the endless film screening as a way to stem the flow whilst we found a more permanent solution, but before long we realised it stopped the awful goings-on entirely. So we let the films play and then play some more. Screen 6 had originally been downstairs since the building only allowed for that kind of space down there, so we turned it into a tomb. Maybe the misguided souls lost there found some peace in the dusty catacomb of a theater left behind.
Now if you know the story of the sacrifice at our theater, you know there was a singular child who survived it all.
That child?
Your father.
I'm so sorry for keeping the truth locked away from you the way I did, you deserved to know whilst I was still there with you. Please know I only ever had your best interests at heart.
I love you always,
Poppy"
It's been a few weeks since I found out the truth about our small-town theater. Sleeping has been difficult because of the endless nightmares, as has bothering to keep up maintenance of the place.
Still, though, the film on Screen 6 plays.