How to draw charizard very good

Disclaimer: I am reposting this so more people get a chance to see the post! If you applied to the previous post, no need to apply again! :)
Hello there! This will be a long post but I do encourage you to read all of it so you have an idea what kinda game you are applying for. This would be a long-term campaign, so be willing to commit to the game! Have fun reading!
Game details:
We play using both Discord for voice and video and Foundry VTT for maps and character sheets! Webcams are mandatory since we all have been using them and it helps a lot with roleplaying when you can see the other people! Make sure that your PC or laptop is capable of running Foundry, here is a link to the Foundry system requirements: https://foundryvtt.com/article/requirements/
Do note that you don't need to buy or download anything! How Foundry works is that I send you a link and you'll join through there so no need to worry about that!
We are here to make the story together so while there is a main plot for you to follow, there will be distractions along the way and of course, things that relate to your characters and what they might find interesting!
During session 0 we will go over the initial plot hooks, how your characters might know each other, safety rules, and so on!
The available days are listed in the questionnaire. The start time for the session regardless of the day would be at 9 pm GMT+3 and when a day has been chosen, we would play consistently on that day every week!
RP to combat ratio:
I would say 50-50 since you as players can with your decisions affect how much combat or roleplay there is going to be but I as a GM, am geared more towards weighting narrative but that doesn't mean that there wouldn't be some cool combat set-pieces ;).
There might be moments in the game where we focus more on the social aspect of the game, interacting in character with the world around them and then there might be some more action-oriented sessions where you get to sit at the edge of your seat!
I will say that how I like to run games, I like to focus on characters and what their motives, goals, and flaws are. This would be a more character-driven game so be ready for that and don't be afraid to get into character and have fun while doing so!
How to apply:
All that I require from you is that you read the whole post and then fill out the questionnaire to the best of your ability. I pour a lot of time into making sure that the sessions are good and that everyone is having fun and you can contribute to that by being genuinely interested in the game!
Here is the questionnaire: https://forms.gle/TAnUSBRAoEpKe1Ra8
Basic rules of the campaign:

• Be consistent: I know that emergencies can happen and sometimes life throws a curve ball. Those happen to me too but if it does, I expect you to let me know ASAP when you know that you are not going to be able to join for the session. The general rule in my table is that as long as we have four people playing, we will continue with the game.
• Cinematics: I like to inject some cinematic in the game and I will let you know when there is a cinematic. This happens usually at the end of the session to show you what happens somewhere else where your characters are not necessarily present.
• Campaign may have mature themes: I like to run narrative games and they usually lean towards a more serious tone and while there are moments of lightheartedness, it's not what I am going for this campaign. This is not a campaign for joke characters or happy-go-lucky characters. I will NOT include SA or intense torture roleplaying in my games and there is no tolerance for that. These will be discussed more during the session 0!
• Be attentive during the sessions: During the session, I would like you to feel that you want to be there so I do put a lot of time into prepping the sessions with maps, NPCs, music, etc. So as a player, all I require from you is to know the basic rules, how your character works, and just generally be respectful towards everyone on the table!
• Don't be a dick: Don't rage quit if the dice don't go your way or if you do something in the game that can result in a bad consequence to your character and then it happens. No PvP, unless both agree to it and it needs to have a good reason! Just be respectful and be able to communicate and I am sure we will get along very well!
• There is always a possibility of death: We are here to make an awesome collaborative story together that we can look back to years later with fondness! This however doesn't mean that I am going to pull my punches in combat so that's why I roll in the open. If the dice decide that it's time for your character, then that's how it's going to be. Of course, sometimes there is something that can save you but those are rare. Also, I am not going to go out of my way to kill you and I will make sure that you always know what kinda situations your characters are going to.
• Have a good mic and connection: Having a good mic is important because most of us use headphones so if your audio quality is so bad that it makes our ears bleed then that would be a dealbreaker :D. Bad mics can also negatively just impact the flow of the game if they keep cutting out!

The most important rule is to: HAVE FUN! We are here to play a game and make a story together and everyone's comfort is important to me! If you have doubts or if something feels off, you can always come to talk with me!
Game Rules:

• Write "One Piece is real" in the final questions so I know that you read this far ;)
• Ability scores are determined using point buy with 28 points or a standard array.
• Death saves are rolled in secret
• We are starting from level 2
• Criticals are maxed damage + die rolls
• If you go down, you get a wound up to a maximum of 3 when you get up again. On your third one, if you fall, you die

The reason for Banned spells is that I like to make mysteries and that players need to think. For example, Remove curse would make a situation where you can get cursed not that tense. I like to make curses into plotlines so thus banning the spell gives us that opportunity.
Here are the banned spells:

• Identify
• Detect Thoughts
• Locate object
• Zone of Truth
• Remove curse
• Goodberry
• Silvery Barbs
• Geas
• Legend lore

Banned subclasses:

• Twilight cleric
• Eloquence bard
• Peace cleric

Races from Eberron, PHB, and MPMM are available minus Tortle, Fairy, and Centaur. Also, flying races are not allowed
Here is a little bit of info about me!
My name is Michael, 22 years old. I have been a GM for 3.5 years now! I have enough experience so I won't fumble around but obviously, I don't know everything.
Something about myself is that I have been a huge fan of TTRPGs ever since I started 3.5 years ago. In that period, I have had the pleasure to play multiple systems such as 5e, pathfinder 2e, Call of Cthulhu, cyberpunk RED/2020, mothership, City of Mist, etc. So I have quite a lot of experience and I know the ropes! I also like to draw, write stories, do worldbuilding, play video games, and watch movies and anime.
I am a huge fan of One Piece, it was also an inspiration for this setting so if you are a fan, you'll notice some subtle references here and there!
I do enjoy Eberron as a setting and have read quite a bit on it! Still, while it's an established setting with its lore, that means that there will be things that I might be unaware of or I might change things here and there. I like to stick to the established lore since it's quite expansive and really good but expect changes at some points!
Final words
Thanks for reading this long-ass post and I do hope that you can see that I am putting my all into this! I hope you do too so feel free to fill out the application! Take it slowly and don't rush it since I am using it to gauge how interested you all are to join in! I will keep the post up for a few days and conduct interviews before Sunday. If you have questions, feel free to comment and I'll answer when I have time!
I hope all of you have a nice day/evening and I hope to talk to you later!

Disclaimer: I am reposting this so more people get a chance to see the post! If you applied to the previous post, no need to apply again! :)
Hello there! This will be a long post but I do encourage you to read all of it so you have an idea what kinda game you are applying for. This would be a long-term campaign, so be willing to commit to the game! Have fun reading!
Game details:
We play using both Discord for voice and video and Foundry VTT for maps and character sheets! Webcams are mandatory since we all have been using them and it helps a lot with roleplaying when you can see the other people! Make sure that your PC or laptop is capable of running Foundry, here is a link to the Foundry system requirements: https://foundryvtt.com/article/requirements/
Do note that you don't need to buy or download anything! How Foundry works is that I send you a link and you'll join through there so no need to worry about that!
We are here to make the story together so while there is a main plot for you to follow, there will be distractions along the way and of course, things that relate to your characters and what they might find interesting!
During session 0 we will go over the initial plot hooks, how your characters might know each other, safety rules, and so on!
The available days are listed in the questionnaire. The start time for the session regardless of the day would be at 9 pm GMT+3 and when a day has been chosen, we would play consistently on that day every week!
RP to combat ratio:
I would say 50-50 since you as players can with your decisions affect how much combat or roleplay there is going to be but I as a GM, am geared more towards weighting narrative but that doesn't mean that there wouldn't be some cool combat set-pieces ;).
There might be moments in the game where we focus more on the social aspect of the game, interacting in character with the world around them and then there might be some more action-oriented sessions where you get to sit at the edge of your seat!
I will say that how I like to run games, I like to focus on characters and what their motives, goals, and flaws are. This would be a more character-driven game so be ready for that and don't be afraid to get into character and have fun while doing so!
How to apply:
All that I require from you is that you read the whole post and then fill out the questionnaire to the best of your ability. I pour a lot of time into making sure that the sessions are good and that everyone is having fun and you can contribute to that by being genuinely interested in the game!
Here is the questionnaire: https://forms.gle/TAnUSBRAoEpKe1Ra8
Basic rules of the campaign:

• Be consistent: I know that emergencies can happen and sometimes life throws a curve ball. Those happen to me too but if it does, I expect you to let me know ASAP when you know that you are not going to be able to join for the session. The general rule in my table is that as long as we have four people playing, we will continue with the game.
• Cinematics: I like to inject some cinematic in the game and I will let you know when there is a cinematic. This happens usually at the end of the session to show you what happens somewhere else where your characters are not necessarily present.
• Campaign may have mature themes: I like to run narrative games and they usually lean towards a more serious tone and while there are moments of lightheartedness, it's not what I am going for this campaign. This is not a campaign for joke characters or happy-go-lucky characters. I will NOT include SA or intense torture roleplaying in my games and there is no tolerance for that. These will be discussed more during the session 0!
• Be attentive during the sessions: During the session, I would like you to feel that you want to be there so I do put a lot of time into prepping the sessions with maps, NPCs, music, etc. So as a player, all I require from you is to know the basic rules, how your character works, and just generally be respectful towards everyone on the table!
• Don't be a dick: Don't rage quit if the dice don't go your way or if you do something in the game that can result in a bad consequence to your character and then it happens. No PvP, unless both agree to it and it needs to have a good reason! Just be respectful and be able to communicate and I am sure we will get along very well!
• There is always a possibility of death: We are here to make an awesome collaborative story together that we can look back to years later with fondness! This however doesn't mean that I am going to pull my punches in combat so that's why I roll in the open. If the dice decide that it's time for your character, then that's how it's going to be. Of course, sometimes there is something that can save you but those are rare. Also, I am not going to go out of my way to kill you and I will make sure that you always know what kinda situations your characters are going to.
• Have a good mic and connection: Having a good mic is important because most of us use headphones so if your audio quality is so bad that it makes our ears bleed then that would be a dealbreaker :D. Bad mics can also negatively just impact the flow of the game if they keep cutting out!

The most important rule is to: HAVE FUN! We are here to play a game and make a story together and everyone's comfort is important to me! If you have doubts or if something feels off, you can always come to talk with me!
Game Rules:

• Write "One Piece is real" in the final questions so I know that you read this far ;)
• Ability scores are determined using point buy with 28 points or a standard array.
• Death saves are rolled in secret
• We are starting from level 2
• Criticals are maxed damage + die rolls
• If you go down, you get a wound up to a maximum of 3 when you get up again. On your third one, if you fall, you die

The reason for Banned spells is that I like to make mysteries and that players need to think. For example, Remove curse would make a situation where you can get cursed not that tense. I like to make curses into plotlines so thus banning the spell gives us that opportunity.
Here are the banned spells:

• Identify
• Detect Thoughts
• Locate object
• Zone of Truth
• Remove curse
• Goodberry
• Silvery Barbs
• Geas
• Legend lore

Banned subclasses:

• Twilight cleric
• Eloquence bard
• Peace cleric

Races from Eberron, PHB, and MPMM are available minus Tortle, Fairy, and Centaur. Also, flying races are not allowed
Here is a little bit of info about me!
My name is Michael, 22 years old. I have been a GM for 3.5 years now! I have enough experience so I won't fumble around but obviously, I don't know everything.
Something about myself is that I have been a huge fan of TTRPGs ever since I started 3.5 years ago. In that period, I have had the pleasure to play multiple systems such as 5e, pathfinder 2e, Call of Cthulhu, cyberpunk RED/2020, mothership, City of Mist, etc. So I have quite a lot of experience and I know the ropes! I also like to draw, write stories, do worldbuilding, play video games, and watch movies and anime.
I am a huge fan of One Piece, it was also an inspiration for this setting so if you are a fan, you'll notice some subtle references here and there!
I do enjoy Eberron as a setting and have read quite a bit on it! Still, while it's an established setting with its lore, that means that there will be things that I might be unaware of or I might change things here and there. I like to stick to the established lore since it's quite expansive and really good but expect changes at some points!
Final words
Thanks for reading this long-ass post and I do hope that you can see that I am putting my all into this! I hope you do too so feel free to fill out the application! Take it slowly and don't rush it since I am using it to gauge how interested you all are to join in! I will keep the post up for a few days and conduct interviews before Sunday. If you have questions, feel free to comment and I'll answer when I have time!
I hope all of you have a nice day/evening and I hope to talk to you later!

First / Patreon (Read 5 Chapters Ahead)

AKA: Ain’t Nothing but a Horndog
–
Private Owens let out another tired sigh as he sat there, his head held in his hands. After the incident with Petra, he’d been forcibly confined to his room, pending further disciplinary action. It didn’t take a genius to figure out exactly how he was going to be disciplined; at best, he figured he’d be getting a court martial. At worst, they’d probably just throw him out the airlock or something.
Harsh, to be sure, but if he’d actually succeeded in inadvertently costing humanity their spot as a central player on the galactic stage, then no punishment was truly out of the question. Hell, Major Barnes had talked about having him drawn and quartered, and if he truly had fucked up that monumentally bad, then it wasn’t even out of the question.
“Way to go, idiot…” Owens muttered to himself. “All this because you couldn’t stay away from the booze or keep it in your pants for a night…”
He let out yet another sigh of despondency, bringing a hand up to brush through his auburn-colored hair. He’d just had it cut short, which was a good thing, because it meant that he’d actually look presentable at his soon-to-be funeral.
Assuming Major Barnes let him keep his head, of course.
Just as that thought crossed his mind, the door to his quarters opened. Owens looked up, and was not surprised to see Major Barnes and Captain Johnson standing there. Somehow, they looked even more imposing than usual, which was odd given that Major Barnes was from Texas and built like the bulls he used to ride, while Captain Johnson was a former MMA fighter.
That was to say that if there were any two people the higher-ups would have sent to beat him to death with their bare hands, it’d be these two, to say nothing of the fact that they’d probably outright requested it given what he’d done.
Assuming they weren’t about to lead him to Captain Ulfur or something, of course. Couldn’t exactly discount that as a possibility, either.
“Alright, on your feet,” Major Barnes announced.
Private Owens blinked. “Sir?”
“I said, on your feet. Are you going to make me repeat myself again?”
“N-no, Sir.” Owens scrambled to his feet. He stood there at attention, doing his best not to start sweating bullets as Major Barnes leaned in to examine him, one hand on his chin.
“Hm…”
“Sir?”
The two of them locked eyes, Barnes’ set of brown staring into Owens’ green. And despite his best efforts, Owens couldn’t help but begin sweating then and there. Captain Johnson shifted a bit out of the corner of his eye, but Owens didn’t dare look over to him; experience had taught him that, much like a T-Rex, the Major’s vision was based on movement. This wasn’t to imply that he could only see things when they moved, but rather that moving was a good way to draw attention to oneself, in the same way that the squeaky wheel tended to get the grease.
To put it simply: predators enjoy it greatly when their prey tries to struggle. And at this moment in time, Owens was nothing if not the juiciest piece of prey available to his commanding officers on the whole station.
The seconds ticked by. Owens dared not count them, both because he didn’t want to press his luck and because he dreaded finding out how short eternity actually was. Finally, after those few agonizingly slow seconds passed, Major Barnes took a step back and let his hand fall from his chin, then clasped his arms behind his back.
“You have no idea how fucking lucky you are, Marine.”
Owens stiffened. “Sir?”
Major Barnes let out a tired sigh, then turned to Captain Johnson. “Smoking is still banned on this station, right?”
“It is outside of the dedicated smoking zones,” Johnson replied. “It upsets the Vuks’ sense of smell.”
“Damn… what about drinking?”
“Allowable outside of working hours, but I’d like to remind you that alcohol is what got us into this mess in the first place.”
“Ah, yes.” Major Barnes turned back towards Owens, his eyes narrowing. “Now, Private – perhaps you’d care to answer a question for me?”
“O-of course, Sir,” Owens stammered out.
“What in the hell made you think Jack Daniels was your friend?”
Owens felt a chill go down his spine. “Uh, Sir?”
“Stop phrasing my title like a question, please. Answer the question.”
Owens hesitated. Thankfully, Captain Johnson came to his rescue.
“Actually, if I remember right, the bartender said he was ordering Captain Morgan and tequila.”
Barnes let out a low whistle. “Damn, for real? What were you thinking, Private? You know rum and tequila don’t mix.”
“Apparently, he hasn’t heard how racist Captain Morgan is – everyone knows the Captain hates Mexicans.”
“U-um…” Private Owens said. “...Is this you both smoking me out?”
“Of course not, Private,” Major Barnes instantly replied. “After all, we’re not in a smoking area, remember?”
Private Owens wasn’t sure if the Major was trying to be dangerously sarcastic or if that was a genuine attempt at levity. In either case, he thought it best to stay silent. Finally, after a few more seconds had passed, Major Barnes shook his head.
“I mentioned earlier that you were lucky,” he said. “Hell, you’re probably the luckiest man alive. Possibly the luckiest man in history. Do you know why that is?”
“Because I’m not dead yet?”
“Partially, but no. No, you’re the luckiest man alive because, in spite of you making a drunken ass of yourself and banging their head diplomat, the Vuk voted to allow us into the Council, after all.”
Private Owens couldn’t help but sputter in surprise at that news. He took a moment to recover, then turned back towards the Major, surprise etched across his face. “You’re serious?” After a moment, he added, “Sir?”
“Oh, I’m very serious,” Major Barnes confirmed with a nod. “See how lucky you are, Private? Not only did you get laid, but you also somehow didn’t completely fuck everything up for our entire species, which means that I very unfortunately don’t get to space you.”
Private Owens hesitated. Next to him, Captain Johnson crossed his arms. “Breathe, Private. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
Owens did as he was told, sucking in a deep breath of air before exhaling it. Once he had taken a breath to calm himself, he opened his eyes again, once more staring at Major Barnes.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking, Sir… what happens now?”
“Good question,” Barnes replied. “Well, given that you might have actually done all of humanity a huge solid by sleeping with Petra, there’s not really much I can do to actually punish you. I mean, I could, but that’d reflect pretty badly on me, and if there’s one thing I care about, it’s my service record.”
“Immaculate service record,” Captain Johnson amended. “Downright radiant, really.”
“Exactly. And it’d really suck to mar it by having to write a young Marine for something like this, especially since it’s very possible that the only reason Petra voted yes was because the sex was so good.”
Private Barnes flushed red. “U-um… thanks, Sir. I think.”
“Don’t be so modest, Private – you know women talk. Well, word’s apparently gotten around, and now a fair few of the Vuk women are very curious about how the human mouth works. But that’s neither here nor there; the point is, we’re at a bit of an impasse. I can’t exactly smoke you for this, even though I really want to. But at the same time, I can’t just let you off the hook, either.”
“So… what do you plan to do with me, Sir?”
Major Barnes cracked a wide, wicked-looking grin. A chill went down Owens’ spine at the sight of it.
“Why, it’s simple, Private,” Barnes began, “in this situation, I think it only fitting that I throw you to the wolves… or, in this case, the devil dogs.”
Owens didn’t even have time to beg for mercy before Captain Johnson grabbed him and muscled him out the door, over to the barracks where the rest of his platoon was staying.
–
It wasn’t a surprise to Owens when they opened the door to the barracks and roughly shoved him inside, then closed it back up and locked it. He scrabbled at the door in vain for a moment before pausing and turning around.
His entire platoon was there, because of course they were.
Owens froze at the sight of them. Getting smoked by the Major and the Captain was bad enough, but that was nothing compared to the absolute fucking firestorm that was headed his way from the rest of the platoon. Slowly, he raised a hand.
“Uh, hey, guys,” he offered.
For a moment, nobody said or did anything. It was deathly silent in the barracks. But then, it happened.
Someone started the slow clap.
It began as just one person, but rapidly grew to two, and then three, and then all of a sudden, they were all doing it. And as they clapped, they were shouting at him, or rather, they were chanting – one simple word, which ordinarily wouldn’t have had much meaning, but with the way they were saying it, Owens just knew it was going to haunt him until he was discharged.
And that word was…
“Horn-Dog! Horn-Dog! Horn-Dog!”
Owens cringed as the word reached his ears. Unfortunately, that did nothing to actually block it out, and it only got worse when everyone in the platoon came up, still chanting, and took turns slapping him on the back.
And, naturally, the questions followed shortly thereafter.
“What was it like?”
“Was it as good as she’s making it sound?”
“Are you really that good with your tongue?”
“What’s it like being an actual furry?”
“Guys!” Owens finally blurted out, having had enough. “Look, I’ve… I’ve had a bit of a long day, you know? So can I at least take a seat before you start bombarding me with questions?”
The platoon fell silent at that. Owens breathed a sigh of relief, then began to stride through them; they parted like the Red Sea as he walked.
“Carefully,” one of them said, “he’s a hero.”
Owens flipped that guy off without even looking back. Finally, he reached his bunk and took a seat on it, then breathed a sigh of relief.
And the moment he was settled, the platoon was surrounding him once more, eager for him to answer their questions. Owens took a breath.
“Let me get one thing perfectly straight,” he said, “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“Dude, come the fuck on,” one of the men, Corporal Ramirez, protested. “You realize that she’s been telling her people about it, right?”
“For real, man,” Sergeant Douglas agreed with a nod. “Some of the Vuk females have been eye-fucking us ever since.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, I’m serious. Apparently, that tongue do be putting in the work.”
Owens’ brow furrowed. “That’s nasty, dude.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? You did it, not me! I’m just reporting some of the shit that’s been happening ever since you fucking gave Lassie the ol’ in-out.”
“First of all, don’t talk about her that way,” Owens warned. “I get that you’re just joking, but she’s still a diplomat, as well as the reason we’re even having this conversation right now. And not in that way!” He hurriedly added when he saw several of the men about to say something. “She was the deciding vote. If it weren’t for her coming through for us, we’d have been fucked.”
Corporal Ramirez hesitated, but only for a moment. “I mean-”
“Dude, don’t.”
“I’m just saying-”
“I am seriously begging you not to say it.”
Ramirez paused, but eventually, his baser instincts won out. “...She definitely did come through for us, and at least one of us was definitely fucked.”
Owens closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath before opening them again. “...Just for that, I’m not gonna tell you all what it was like.”
“Dude, come on,” Sergeant Douglas protested. “You’re really gonna do us like this? You’re gonna just fucking Captain Kirk it up and then refuse to talk about it?”
“Yes, I-” Owens paused. “...Captain Kirk?”
“Yeah.”
“Really?”
“Hey, you’re the first human to actually fuck an alien, at least as far as anyone knows. It fits.”
“No, no, I’m not complaining, it’s just… I can’t be Shepard?”
“The fuck you talking about? You’re no Shepherd, that’s for sure.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because you couldn’t keep the wolf away.” Owens glared at him and Douglas just rolled his eyes. “Come on, Horndog, you’re just teeing these things up for me at this point. I can go all night.”
“Shame he couldn’t,” Ramirez added. “Or did he only stop because he got caught?”
“That’s a fair question, actually. Horndog, be honest – if you hadn’t been caught, would there have been another round?”
“How many rounds were there, anyway?” one of the other Marines asked.
“Do you think she’d have wanted breakfast afterwards?” another added. “Makes me wonder… do you think the Vuk prefer waffles, or pancakes?”
“I dunno, man. They seem pretty partial to creampies, if you ask me.”
“Guys!” Owens shouted, cutting them all off. He grit his teeth for a moment, but then let out another exhale. “...It probably goes without saying, but I am very, very, ridiculously tired right now. I’m very thirsty and I haven’t had anything to eat in a long-ass time.”
Ramirez opened his mouth to say something.
“Ramirez, if you say what I know you’re going to say, I will seriously fucking Code Red you by myself.”
Ramirez closed his mouth and said nothing.
Owens let out yet another exhale. “Look, fellas – let me just get some sleep, and then I’ll tell you as much as I can about it without it being disrespectful to her. Okay?”
“Sure, man, whatever you say,” Douglas offered.
“Thanks, guys.”
With that, Owens laid down in his bunk and closed his eyes, doing his best to enjoy the silence.
It lasted for all of five seconds before someone broke it.
“So, was this technically bestiality?”
Owens threw a blind punch, and just like that, the entire barracks erupted into chaos.

Special thanks to my good friend and co-writer, Ickbard, for the help with writing this story.

I was having terrible anxiety today and texting my friend. I said omg I want to text him 😭 like I could make things better. And my friend responded: Don't text him, Don't do anything Let things flow naturally. Don't attempt to interfere or manipulate anything to become your bidding.
And it's like something inside me went from problem to solution.
I have always had a low self-esteem and until I get THAT up, I know I will never be a very happy, fun friend, partner or human. Nobody could be enough for me if I hold THEM in esteem and feel like I'm a Pos!. I think this is the root of my limerence and many issues probably. I don't feel good enough for the LO but I admire them and want to be good enough. Because I think I'm unworthy, I disappoint them with my behavior, shame makes me try harder, to cover the shame. Sometimes my charm works but inevitably the fear rears its head, I act a fool, or do something that could be normal but it isn't because I'm needing something from them.
I gotta work on this. I am happy to remember that the problem is solvable. It just takes time.
Im curious what youe self esteem is like? If you have built a good self esteem, how? My LOs have had self esteem for sure. I think it's what draws me to them. I'd HAVE to love myself to be with THEM... but then I Dont do the self-love work. Well. I'm not giving up on this.

I already delved into a lot of my recent struggles in a previous post so I’ll spare the details here, but the short of it is that my parents’ behavior has put an enormous strain on my marriage.
For background: when I look back at my life, I see clearly that I was raised in a very unhappy household. Yelling every day, crying, then being yelled at for crying. I stopped hanging out with friends because every time my dad begrudgingly let me go, I’d come home and hear him yelling at my mom, displacing his anger at my audacity for wanting to spend any amount of time away from home onto her. I was always checking in on my dads mood; if he wasn’t happy, then I wasn’t allowed to be happy. I was scared to relax, with the classic flight or fight response every time I heard the garage door open signaling his arrival home.
Now even as an adult, I still catch myself falling into old habits of pandering, placating, apologizing whenever I visit them. As a 30 year old man, I am still hesitant to leave their house without permission lest I start a fight.
I say all this because now I have a child, a busy job, and my own life. Most of the time my family is distant and not bothering me, but with situations that have to involve them I still find myself bending my life to my dad’s every whim and will to avoid being shamed and guilted. This was not an issue before I got married because it affected only me, but now that it’s bleeding into my wife’s life things have come to a head, especially since we had a kid.
She’s been extremely (and understandably) upset with me and my inability to draw a boundary or speak up to him when she feels disrespected. I feel like I’d gotten so good at rationalizing and mediating that at first I couldn’t even comprehend how angry a normal person would be in response to his behavior. I am angry that I have allowed him to continue to deeply affect my life even while living hours away, blissfully unaware of his effect on my life. We were an otherwise happy and healthy couple that’s been brought to the edge of divorce because of his repeated selfish actions. Recently, for what felt like the first time in my life, I retaliated during one of his tirades and let him know that I didn’t appreciate how we were treated and his response was to blow me off and suggest that my wife is actually the problem for not being more respectful of him.
I am at a loss as to how to move forward. They act so friendly and nice when there’s no obligation expected of me, but as soon as anything comes up it’s back to old habits. It’s frustrating because if they were just god awful 100% of the time it’d make cutting off contact so much easier. Maybe that’s their game lol, be pleasant just enough of the time to make me feel like I’m the crazy one. Maybe it’s still the gaslighting getting to me but going NC feels like overkill, but at the same time what are the alternatives? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any words of advice would be appreciated.

I accidentally got a job that ended up being heavily on the graphic design side (I applied for english and aimed at being just a concept sketch/paint artist, they were really interested in my personal work), which I’m not happy about it. I thought I might work it out, but I have trouble working with the product my client is making (imagine a coin made from amber with white, lineart ship in the middle, text on top and bottom, that’s it). They don’t provide me with good pictures and I just struggle. It’s probably due to my own abilities as well (I finished one year graphic design school, figured out I just like to draw or paint freely), they don’t seem to want to let me go, but I’m very dissatisfied and honestly there’s not many jobs to get. Feeling drained, just wondering how I can combat this.

Hi there!
My name is Sam, and I have been RPing on-and-off for about twelve years. I am twenty-one, and am only interested in playing against people 18+. I prefer to fandomless RP where the world building is done by my partner and I.
I am non-binary and will play M,F, or NB characters! I prefer writing in realistic fiction and historical contexts. My ideal partner will be able to do multiple 1-5 paragraph responses most days. I am not picky on length, but will also match my partner. My ideal partner is also someone who gets invested into our story and characters. I like a good mix of drama and fluff.
Face claims or description, no drawings please! It is hard for me to imagine anime character while writing and takes me out of the immersion.
Anyone x Anyone, 3rd person!
Here are some basic starter ideas— very malleable and can be tweaked. I am also open to your ideas as well! Anything fluffy or dramatic

• Character A & B both rose to fame from their respective talents. However, a few years in the limelight are beginning to take a toll on character A. They have turned to substances, and its beginning to get out of control. How will this affect character B? Is love and support enough to help A get clean? How does being famous affect A’s & B’s life and relationship overall?
  
• Characters A & B both were orphaned from a young age. Now turning 18, they both arrive to the same ‘half-way house’ bridging foster care teens to their adulthood. The two become very close, and eventually decide to move out and begin building their lives together and rewrite the hurt from their pasts.
  
• Character A & B broke up so A could pursue their passion. However, character B is resentful, and when character A gives up that dream and ends up back home, it is difficult to reconcile. They are in the same friend group and visit the same places. Will they be able to rekindle or is the past behind them?
  
• Early 1900s cowboy themed
  
• Great Depression or WWII era story
  

Please message me and we can exchange info and ideas!

Hi there!
My name is Sam, and I have been RPing on-and-off for about twelve years. I am twenty-one, and am only interested in playing against ist people 18+. I prefer to fandomless RP where the world building is done by my partner and I.
I am non-binary and will play M,F, or NB characters! I prefer writing in realistic fiction and historical contexts. My ideal partner will be able to do multiple 1-5 paragraph responses most days. I am not picky on length, but will also match my partner. My ideal partner is also someone who gets invested into our story and characters. I like a good mix of drama and fluff.
Face claims or description, no drawings please! It is hard for me to imagine anime character while writing and takes me out of the immersion.
3rd person please! I will roleplay anyone x anyone.
Here are some basic starter ideas— very malleable and can be tweaked. I am also open to your ideas as well! Anything fluffy or dramatic

• Character A & B both rose to fame from their respective talents. However, a few years in the limelight are beginning to take a toll on character A. They become depending substances and its beginning to get out of control. How will this affect character B? Is love and support enough to help A get clean? How does being famous affect A’s & B’s life and relationship overall?
  
• Characters A & B both were orphaned from a young age. Now turning 18, they both arrive to the same ‘half-way house’ bridging foster care teens to their adulthood. The two become very close, and eventually decide to move out and begin building their lives together and rewrite the hurt from their pasts.
  
• Character A & B broke up so A could pursue their passion. However, character B is resentful, and when character A gives up that dream and ends up back home, it is difficult to reconcile. They are in the same friend group and visit the same places. Will they be able to rekindle or is the past behind them?
  
• Early 1900s cowboy themed
  
• Great Depression or WWII era story
  

Message me and we can discuss details and exchange information.

Lol, I thought this would be funny to write about as a first silly little post as it is the most interesting thing in my life. (Don’t mind any typos)
First of all, to anyone who wants to tell me to stop or get over it or give me any valid reasonable and rational advice,I will not listen so don’t bother.
As these stories go, I 15(f) in love with English teacher 26(f). I’m obsessed with her, and have been for almost msot 2 years, it would have been longer if she had come into my life sooner.
I’m not a love at first sight person, so it took a while for it to come about. And iv always had problems with getting violently obsessed with things, I believe it’s some kind of coping mechanism, you know? If I don’t have something to live for then I fall in love with something, subconsciously of course. First it was cartoon characters then celebrity’s and the for the first time a real person who I know in real life! (Except she’s my teacher and she’s 26) but also the first woman iv ever fallen for (iv always known Im pan so it wasn’t a shock really). I think another HUGE reason I love her is because I don’t have a mother, she was abusive, druggy, alcoholic yadi-yadi-yada, and so I don’t live with her and I don’t like her and she isn’t there for me, and so I meet a kind female adult who I look up to? Obviously I get attached and I see her as a mother figure. I really do, I want to be just like her, I want to make her proud, I seek her validation, i want to fuck her. You know, regular motherly things!
The first day I met her, first day of year 10. From the second she walked into the class I felt her energy and her vibes and I had that feeling where you instantly like someone and want to be friends with them and think they are super cool. Now, she is not hot, like Obviously to me me right now in this moment she’s the most beautiful and pretty person iv ever seen she’s so cute and hot and all that, but Obviously that’s because I’m obsessed with her everything about her is great, but she’s the kind of ugly that when she first walked into the class people snickered.
She has a rash on her chin, a noticeable moustache, she looks at least 30 despite being much younger, her eyes are creepy looking and small, her skin is really red and dry and way too textured, she does weird ugly facial expressions, she has a big nose, her hair is never brushed and always greasy, she has really small eyelashes blah blah blah.. (she obviously has some really nice features as well, but I’m trying to prove i don’t like her for her looks)
Now In her defence I think they were laughing because she has the hugest ass iv seen in my entire life, not cuz of her face. (She wears really tight leggings everyday) But, she is overweight and a lot of people bring her down cuz of it but that has nothing to do with any of it for me obviously, and I obviously didn’t laugh when she walked in.
The point is, I instantly liked her and her personality, she has that school mum vibe, she’s witty she’s confident she’s loud, she’s funny, she’s so weird (like she does and says the weirdest stuff, she’ll start dancing out of no where with no warning, she shortens words all the time and then says them three times like: “fab fab fab” she has just the weirdest tendencies and mannerisms it’s insane), shes always so exited and jolly, she’s like a ball of sunshine yet at the same time she’s so sassy and passive aggressive, when I’m older I wanna be just like her you know!
And that’s how I felt for a long time, I would just enjoy her lessons because of the energy and vibes she’d bring! She makes everything so much fun just by being there, she’s also a drama teacher so she’s great at getting a crowd going and stuff. But it seemed no one else liked her, they either fat shamed her, or said she was a bitch, or found her annoying.
They aren’t wrong she is all of those things, but she’s only a bitch to you if you don’t respect her and then she’s passive aggressive and makes your time in her class hell, and as her favourite student who kissed her ass everyday it was fun for me to watch people get roasted by her and never have to worry about it. She is annoying to a lot of people because she hypes everyone up, and she’s loud and obnoxious and confident, she laughs at her own jokes and she’s giggly and she does stupid accents, she’s the walking talking definition of “QUIRKY” and so 15 year olds find her incredibly cringey and jarring. But as an immature individual my self I found her energy like something I have never seen anyone have so i from the first day thought she was my favourite teacher ever!
I often take the role of like comic relief when it comes to my friends so I often make the joke myself, and once I felt this admiration for my English teacher, and this giddy happy feeling in me when I saw her, I thought it would be a great idea to pretend/ hint to having a crush on her to my friends as a joke so they can make fun of me. It was small things like “oh my english teacher! … oh.. I liiiiikkkee herrrrrrrr~!” Id day when people mention her, no one caught onto the joke for a couple months until one day, after a holiday I had dyed my hair and she walked past me and she complimented it, I thanked her and INSTANTLY MY HEART WAS POUNDING AND I GOT ALL GIGGLING, my friend was next to me and found it funny obviously. And then the more I went to her lessons I couldn’t stop getting all sweaty and nervous around her, and every time she’d do something cute, like squeal when she’s frustrated and make weird noises or do a fake accent, or tell a joke I’d feel so unbelievably happy, and I couldn’t stop talking and thinking about her, but Eveytime I’d think about her or look at her id get a huge ick of like.. but ewww she’s so not hot! I can NOT be in love with THAT.
By summer I was still feeling this Same way, one day she wore a dress and like the dopey idiot she is, she lifted her leg and from where I sat I saw her panties. I WAS DISGUSTED, and looked away. And then looked back.. but then looked away.. and then looked back.. and then looked away.. (and did it a couple more times) but I felt sick in my stomach the whole time! It was not a hot thing at the time.
Then the year ends and it’s the summer holiday, (now up until this point I was quite caught up with my David walliams obsession. yes the 56 year old.. and so I didn’t really care about her all that much. On the first day back, before school started I went to a birthday party and I saw her walking outside of the school, when I saw her my heat was beating so fast, i hadn’t seen her in 6 weeks and I was not expecting to see her then, I said hi to her and i couldn’t stop thinking about that moment so intensely, and every thought I had about her being ugly didn’t matter to me, it’s not like I forgot about it, I know what she looks like, but I just think everything about her is so beautiful, it’s part of her and so its perfect.
That feeling got worse and worse as the year went by, every time i see her I shake, i sweat, I have panic attack like symptoms, but I feel so happy, like manic, I am overwhelmed, I want to punch things, I want to scream.
Then we get to the part where to silence this obsession I did regrettable and wierd things that she will never know about, some of the despicable things iv done in “the name of love” for her include:
Eating her hair Licking her spit of the table Kissing her chair when she leaves the room Following her around school Drawing her Writing poems about her Writing songs about her Making edits of her Taking photos of her Recording her voice when she talks to me Stealing her trash Licking her pens Making AI chat bots with her personality Making a bingo game about her (that one is just funny, and all my friends played it too, during her lessons lol)
And many other things I won’t mention. Obviously I’m not proud of any of this, and I didn’t really need to do it, some of it I did “as a joke” for my friends, some of them I did just because I could.. but the recording her voice one is essential! Anytime we’d have a heart felt convo I’d record it so I can listen to it if I ever loose the will to live (surprisingly frequently).
Now our relationship as student and teacher was/is very good.
We’ve had some lovely moments, she told me she cared about me outside of the classroom.
A personal favourite of mine: One time she was marking my work and it was just us in the classroom and I rested my head on her shoulder as she was going through it with me, and she looked down at me and she smiled and then we stayed like that for ages while she marked my work.
All my friends said I was delusional and that she probably hates me, but she has a huge ego and i believe she likes to keep me around to give it a boost every now and then.
I wore a matching outfit with her once (on accident) and she was very happy about it
Anytime I’d ask her what I can do to improve my grade she’s say to me “oh no! But you’re doing really well! I thought you did great!”
She’d never get mad at me or shout at me for anything, if we are doing a one between two activity she’d give me the only extra sheet in the class
I asked her to sit at the front to her because I “concentrate better at the front” (i only asked cuz i wanted to sit closer to her) she gave me a sly smirk and then the next lesson she moved me to the back of the class, and also moved her self to the back of the class.
We took a selfie together and the whole time she was giggling, I gave her a Christmas card, she lets me follow her around the school, she gave my friends dirty looks when they were being mean to me
I sent her stupid emails of pictures of capybaras (it was an inside joke between us) and she responded with a way to enthusiastic response for such a simple image lol!
I sand “you belong with me” by TS and she stood in the crown and when it got to the “you belong with me” bit I pointed at her and she pointed back! Singing the words back to me
Oh, and let us not forget the amount of eye contact. I never look people in the eye, one of my first exes I barely ever looked into their eyes all the time I knew them, I just suck at eye contact. Until I met her, since I’m so insecure about her forgetting me or loosing me or something I often stare at her when she’s teaching to make sure that she doesn’t forget me. And some how in the last couple of months she stares at me as well.
Anytime she tells a joke she looks straight at me to see how I respond (always with giggles even when it’s the lamest thing iv ever heard. It’s often not funny at all.) and the entire time shes teaching the lessons I will stare at her. IN HER EYES. Like, I’ll often smile calmly, but if she hasn’t looked at me in like 4 minutes then I’ll stare deeper, but she usually looks into my eyes and hold it for a while sometimes she’ll even smile at me and then stutter and forget what she’s saying before looking away and continuing. She’ll stare deeply into my eyes, throughout the lesson, and I also always catch her looking at me first.
Once she was helping me with my work, she got really close to me, and she stared into my eyes and then I see her getting small glances at my lips (with this one I may be a little delusional) she leaned in and she kept getting confused. Like, she yaps a lot, and a lot very loudly. So it was odd for her to be standing there her arm touching mine talking to me and being like “…. Um-.. heh-.. where was i..” and she flicks through my paper and then looks back at me and goes silent and then swallows and then looks down and then flips through it again and then says something small and short followed by more silence.
I also have a theory shes on drugs, for many reasons but one time I needed her to take a photo of my book, and she was acting so weird, tired but like really like dizzy and loopy and breathless. And she went to take a photo of my book, and got behind me and she leaned into my book, and I felt her heavy loud breath on my neck as her stray hairs were tickling the side of my face and her shoulder was touching my back, she she just stood there and stared at my book for ages until i was like “um so.. you can.. take a photo or something..” and then she slowly did it hahahaha!
Obviously it’s now exam time and so school is basically over and I have no more lessons, so I didn’t go into depth about how much she means to me as a person but to sum it up into one sentence; I would want to seriously kill my self with out her in my life.
And so the thing I had been fearing for so long, the last English lesson, the last time seeing my dear beloved. Well obviously it’s life or death so I have to tell her how I feel and get her to stay in contact with me.
The last lesson ends I go up to her after a morning of: pissing my self, shitting my self, throwing up in my mouth, constantly putting on perfume, checking my hair and chewing the mintiest of gums. And I start my speech, I won’t go into it but I told her how I felt about her (minus the being in love bit I played it off as platonic duh, im not fully stupid).
I told her that she means so much to me, and she’s (one of) my favourite people in the world (that’s a white lie she’s my only favourite) I can’t go on with out her, I need her, iv felt this way since the first lesson, your so fun, you mean so much to me! I cant loose you, I don’t know what I would do with out you!!!!
I cried in her arms as she hugged me! And i didnt even need to ask she suggested we could stay in contact, in-fact all i had said was “I’ll miss you so much :(“ and she already suggested we stay in contact, but Obviosuly I still did the whole speech cuz at some point she needed to know. Her response was basically that she already knew, but she was very pleased to hear it, and everything is going to be perfectly okay.
She said we can stay in contact (through email, cuz apparently there is a “legal thing unfortunately” stopping her from giving me her number (yes I did ask for her number, but in a total no homo way.)
She said I can talk to her anytime about anything as much as I like, and that’s good enough for me!
I also gave her a drawing I did of her and me together which was cute, her response to that was “oh very cool! she walks over. she takes it in her hands, very excited to see it. This really throws her confidence off, she’s really not expecting this. OH THIS IS AMAIZING! her voice cracks THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! this is lovely! thank you, this is soo good! oh-muh-gud it’s SO good! oww I love it! thank you.. I’m wearing the same top as well, how fun~.. HOW FUN!!!! how fun!! … she takes it and puts it in her bag i will prop this up, on my desk! wicked wicked awesome!” (I recorded her reaction so that’s how you know it’s word for word)
In conclusion, im creepily obsessed and its a problem, but I don’t really regret anything cuz it’s all gotten me to this point where I can talk to her when ever I want and that’s all I could ever ask her. Yes I want to fuck her, but that’s not important to me I just need her in my life, she’s my world she’s my reason of living, and I’m so happy things are this way! I’m doing my exams now so I get to see her everyday when I come into school (by see her I mean wait outside the staff room so I can catch a glimpse of her knee). I’m also glad I’m not in her lessons anymore cuz I’d always get so twitchy around her, anytime she’d be near me and I’d be trying my best not to lunge at her, when I see her my mouth waters I just wanna grab her and kiss her all over! Eeek! She’s adorableeeee!
I love herrrrr ❤️❤️❤️

Steel shod hooves clacked along the cobblestones, to the cheers of the common folk. The kights were ridding out.
You were with them. Not an actual knight, just a squire in service to them. But still you rode along to help with whatever menial tasks they needed. But you were one of the lucky ones, one that actually had a chance of becoming a knight someday.
"Someday" you think as you switch from cobbles to mud. Following behind the large party of horses, mud flinging up on your armor
The proud lords lead on, banners and ponytails flapping in the wind as you and the other squires follow in their wake. Drapped in their colors and heavy supply packs you all plod along in the muddy tracks from the horses
The lords crest the hill, pausing and many of them motioning for squires to bring binoculars forward. Your knight, the leader of the party and the order, does so as well. You scramble up to his side, he snatches them from your hands.
Sighing and pulling your own gifted spyglass out you look ahead, seeing a part of dark green armor clad figures on the hill in front of you. Banners waving in the wind, one of peace declaring their intentions
The knights turn to each other, debating what to do as the squires also discuss what to do with each other.
"Recon we'll go talk to em?" A green and black clad squire asks
"Nah, bet we'll charge straight into them. Could be some sort of trick" a red and yellow clad says while leaning on his sword
"What do you think? You've got the best training out of all of us" a squire calls to you "being the leaders chosen and all"
Pondering the question and measuring your response "I think we'll hear them out, doesn't seem like a trick so far" the other squires nodding in agreement
"I say we bloody well charge!" Comes from behind you. The red and yellow clad knight waving his Lance around as the rest of the knights squabble
Your knight watches them bicker. It's evident he's thinking hard on his flushed face "bet that's from the party last night" you recall grimly all the cleaning you still have to do after this excursion
Calling the other knights to order her gives his plan "let's go and talk to them, see what there up to". He wheels his horse around as the knights push forward and the squires struggle to keep up
Their delegation moves forwards. Seeing yours advance, making way to meet on top of the small hill between you
As you advance it becomes easier and easier to keep pace and eventually out pace the knights as the full scale of the warriors comes into play, most standing just shy of the knights on horseback and their leader
"God's above" you think seeing the armor clad woman standing taller then anyone in either group, easily a head taller over even your knight's raised saddle
The knights mill about on their horses, none wanting to approach the warriors, recognizing that they might for once not have the best equipment from the old vaults. Suddenly you feel a tapping on your back. You turn seeing your knight pull himself back into the saddle, his kick unbalancing him
"Go forth and talk to them in my stead" he orders, the other knights echoing his orders "sue for peace if they recognize our might, if not then wait for our charge"
Pushed ahead you drop your pack off and take hold of your weapons. A force sword and laser pistol, relics gratuitously given to you, setting forward the other squires follow
"Hail warriors" her voice is softer then you might think, Suddenly you remember your mother's stories of love at first sight "I take it your masters aren't coming" a hint of disappointment in her voice
"They aren't madam" you say with a half bow. "They sent us ahead to negotiate" you don't have to follow her eyes to see the knights nervously milling behind you, disapproval in her eyes
"I see" a measured response. "Then I'll say to you, I am El'Leonore Johnson, primarch of the Dark Angels Space marine legion, of the Imperium of Mankind. We have come to reclaim you into the fold of humanity" the speech comes with practiced ease, her voice delebretly loud enough to carry to the knights behind you.
Angry murmuring coming from the knights behind you. You sweat, seeing the armorments and knowing you stand no chance. And knowing the knights behind you not willing to give up their power. She looks at you, it seems she has some measure of what is going through your head, her voice comes soft enough for you to hear "you can seek safety with us squire" her voice sending shivers down your spine "we will protect you"
Yelling comes before you can deliver your answer. Yelling from the base of the hill you see a war party st the base of the Hill, Yelling their warcries they wait st the bottom of the hill. Turning to the squires you call out your orders "Wait here, I dont like that they revealed themselves st the base of the hill knowing we have horse" Another yell comes from the knights as they ready a charge
"Fools" comes from from woman behind you
You watch the awe inspiring charge of your knights. Trained for this purpose and relishing in the perfect conditions of the charge the thundering hooves and flashing of steel draws closer and closer
Only to go disastrously. Several horses flip, hit by unseen Spears and caltrops hidden in place. Some of the later knights wheel their horses in time to avoide the trap only to get cut down by the counter charge heading up to your position
"Into a square" you call seeing their numbers "form up into defensive we'll wear them out" squires galvanized into action by the shouted commands. Waiting for the charge to hit
Only for it to never land
Green blurs past you as the figures rush into combat, slaughtering the forces with roaring swords and screaming guns. She walks beside you "impressive are they not? My sons" she waves at the slaughter before you "just an honor guard, my legion is scattered among the stars"
As the figures figures come to a stop you see none of the ambushing party survived. Though a familiar figure did
Your knight storms his way up the hill, mud covering the bright colors of his armor and stuck in his long ponytail. He comes up directly to you and slaps you in the face "how dare you don't charge in to help us" spittle flying onto you "you left us alone going into that, how dare you..." his voice cuts off as his arm refuses to fly forward
She's standing behind him. A look of disgust on her face. "He was correct, it was an trap. Why would they give their position away at the bottom of the hill knowing you have the charge advantage?" Her quick tactical assessment seems to slap him across the face "and you seemed eager to send them in against a superior force but lead the charge against a weaker, it is undeserving of a leader"
He turns pulling his arm away from her "I am rightful lord by right" he blusters "and if you dont like it to bad. I will remain untill my death and you will never take us" he finishes dramatically turning away
Only for her sword to swing out and cut through his armor. He falls without a word, only his armor clanking to the ground, as she turns to you
"I trust that you would take over in succession" answered by your wordless nod "good" she takes his sword out of its sheath and offers it to you "then I give you his title and ask you to join us" taking the sword you look up at her sinking to one knee
The words you swore so long ago coming back to you "I do pledge my sword to you my lady, to carry your burden and assist you in your needs. On my honor do I swear this untill you see fit to grant me the honor of stand with you as an equal" the words ring out as you stand and move forward, freezing as muttering comes from the other squires
"Is their a problem?" She asks a confused look on her face. You rub the back of your head nervously. "Tradition states that the squire is to braid the hair of their knight upon swearing in" comes from the crowd. You turn with a blush looking for who called that out
"Ah, I see" she turns and sits on the ground, gesturing for one of her sons to bring something to stand on "I see no reason to disregard tradition then"
You nervously start braiding her hair, feeling the silky soft hair part and braid under your fingers. Dillagently following the steps you learned so long ago you soon have her hair in a long braid curing around her neck and running down her front. Steaping around her you take your new blade and hold the polished surface for her to glance upon. A faint smile touching her lips, seeming to grow as she notices your blush
"Then let us be off lord" she addresses you, rising to head back to the capitol "im certian they have a feast ready for them" she points at the armored lump in the grass
///// later that night /////
The feasting has long sense started, and will continue on till the morning. The squires finally happy to become knights of their own and the populace rejoicing, knowing your better then your former master.
You see a shuttle come fly down. And she heading towards it. Grabbing your back you rush down, just as the door is closing you call out "wait"
The ramp finishes closing, only to slowly unwind as she steps out expectantly "what seems to be the problem? You are lord of this land and advisors will come down tomorrow to set the world ready for Imperial tithes, yoy can relax and enjoy your position" she says crossing her arms
"I swore the oath of a squire" nerves creping into your voice "I can't lead, not until I can stand equal to my knight" you awkwardly point towards her as she realizes what had happened
She sighs as she pinches her nose. "I trust then you have someone to lead?" A nod confirms "good, then how long for you to pack?" You shrug your bag into view "very well, let us be off then" she turns waving you into the shuttle, showing you how to buckle in
As you take off you look over to your new knight. You notice her hair is still in the same braid you gave her earlier
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Part 1: https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1cxj7h8/comment/l52vtd5/?context=3
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The Palatini of Orias journey took nine grueling days of traveling down the peaks of Torness Mountain Range. But at long last, they reached the Coralus Valley. While the temperature was far below what the half-elf usually enjoyed, it was far better than the mountain peaks.
They traveled through the valley, trying to avoid the multiple hostiles, villages, and anyone else who could tip off their enemies. They had to take every tedious path imaginable to prevent possible contact with the enemy.
Staring at their destination, Fraeya Holiadon could not decide if she should be thrilled or distorted at the sight. "Is this the place?"
"I believe so," Raegel said. "The pattern of the structures matches my drawings and the map. See the remains of the two walls?"
"And the stone rings that direct out," Henness said.
"So, you have read the legends," Raegel said, surprised by the centurion's knowledge of the temple.
"I always prepare before a mission," Henness said. "Those half rings, are they stone or artificial?"
"They look like stone, so I think they used the ground stone and molded them," Raegel said.
Fraeya Holiadon carefully stared at the temple ruins. All she could see was the destruction—fractured stone buildings, walls, weed-infested stone pavement, and so on. While there were still many stone structures, most were destroyed. She could only see death, not the walls her father could see.
She turned to ask her father what he was talking about but saw Centurion Fionntan Henness pointing toward the walls and other details.
Watching the two communicate about the features of the temple, she realized how out of depth she was. Her father spent generations studying ruins like this, while Henness is an experienced soldier. For Fraeya, this was her first mission outside the academy supervision, and she realized how different the world was compared to the classroom.
As the two spoke, her elf ears overheard Henness mention that he saw green webbing. As the two men debated what creatures could create that webbing, she already knew based on the type of webbing. Being an excellent student, she recalled the topic regarding intelligent monsters. While many species produce a web, only one creates a thick green. Goblins.
"Father," Fraeya said. "I think goblins made those webbings."
"How could you possibly know that?" Henness asked, unconvinced by the theory. "It would easily be Rorgo or a Kipt."
Fraeya reached into her backpack and pulled out her notepad. She flipped through the pages and responded, "Kipt is more silk-like, while Rorgo is more for capturing prey. Both are white. Only Goblins make green."
"She is correct," Raegel said. "The green should have been a given."
"Alright," Henness said. "That complicates things."
"How so?" Fraeya asked. "The academy said they are weak. Adventures and local militia kill them constantly, so your men should be able to wipe them out with your weaponry easily."
"Goblins are weak in small numbers, but they are a nightmare in large numbers," Henness said. "And depending on the horde, they adapt to who their enemies are quickly. For all I know, we could be fighting a nest that is as heavily armed as we are."
Fraeya looked back toward the next with much confusion. She knew about the goblin's ability to adapt. However, her teachers never stated how formal they could be. Only treating them as barbarians is a functional civilization. "I would think the academy would mention something like that."
"If you are going to be out here in the world, you must understand that life is very different from the classroom," Henness said. "The difference between someone who lives behind a desk versus someone on the ground. Now, I need to get my forces ready for our attack."
Once the centurion left, Fraeya looked at her father. "I am starting to get the impression that my schooling wasn't as truthful as I once thought."
Raegel chuckled at the statement from his daughter. "That is what I said when I left my academy in Thali'ean," he said with a short chuckle before he spoke. "Henness was correct; there is a large gap between the classroom and out here in the world."
"I see. So, now, what do we do?"
"We wait for the legionaries to form a plan. Because time is not on our side, he will want you to assist with your magic. Do you think you can assist? If you are uncomfortable, tell me now, and you can stay here where it is safe."
Feeling a nervous chill creeping down her spine, she looked back toward the temple and breathed heavily. "I admit, I am scared, but I didn't come here to babysit the camp. I want to help."
She felt her father pat her on the back, feeling a sense of pride from his touch.
"That's my daughter."
After an hour of planning, the Palatini of Orias began their assault on the temple ruins. The plan was for a primary team to assault the temple directly, triggering a response from the goblin. The second team would remain on the high ground and pick off the horde.
Fraeya ended up on the right side of the group team. To her surprise, many soldiers were thrilled that they were finally getting into a fight. She wondered, after two weeks of crawling over the mountains and hiding like rodents, they finally got a chance to be soldiers.
The primary assault group she was attached to advance toward the temple once the signal was given. Passing one of the few remaining wall structures, they entered the temple ground. As they swept through the old temple's front sections, the goblins huddled around a fire pit, noticed them, and prepared for battle.
Three legionaries known as circilmen, from the palatini positioned themselves to engage the incoming enemy. Carrying a ranged projectile weapon known as a circiletum, they hid behind the front shield men and fired upon the incoming enemy. They picked off two of the three goblins as the last one quickly crawled under a piece of rubble for cover. Then, the palatini heard a painful screech from the hiding goblin.
Fraeya couldn't help herself but stand there noticing the two fresh corpses. She then watched as two of the swordsmen rushed to the hiding goblin. They reached in and pulled the little green monster out of its hiding spot.
Two swordsmen grabbed the goblin and dragged it from its cover, it jumped on top of one of the legionaries, stabbing its blade into its armor, unable to break through. With a short struggle, the legionary could slam the goblin onto the ground. The other legionary stomped on the body before thrusting his gladius into the monster.
Hearing another screech, Fraeya looked down the stone path and saw goblins popping out of every crack and corner.
One of the legionary officers ordered the unit to reform. The swordsmen took the front with their large scutum shields, creating a two-line protective shield wall. Behind them were the circilmen, taking cover behind the scutum.
The group of goblins charged forward. As they approached, the legionaries saw the raw, starving rage within their dark green eyes—a thirst for primal instincts of food and lust and nothing else.
"Fraeya, is it?"
Hearing her name, she turned to the commanding offer of this group.
"When I give the order, shake the ground." The lower-ranking Centurian said.
Fraeya acknowledged the order as she understood what he was planning.
Turning back to the incoming horde, she watched the three circilmen open fire. The circiletums cut down the forward group of goblins. The ones behind that row suddenly stopped from the shock but were cut down by a second volley.
"Now. Before they scatter."
Fraeya placed her hands together and chanted. The two tiny mana crystals on her gloves blew green as she felt a raw energy channel through her body. A moment later, that glow expanded to the point that it encompassed her hand.
Channeling the mana needed for the spell, Fraeya placed her left hand on the ground.
The stone ground beneath them shook the stone terra, stunning the goblins. Right down the center, cracks formed, and the terra broke apart. The road slightly uplifted into an elevation, forcing the goblins to focus on what was happening.
With the ground disinformed, it prevented the enemy from scattering in an organized manner, allowing the circilmen to fire another volley.
The front scutum marched forward and started cutting down anything that moved. The other line split into two groups. They were marching down the street in an almost synchronized manner. They held their shields high toward the ruins, protecting the circilmen from any incoming projectile. Arrows and magic.
Fireballs flew and impacted the scutum infantry, protecting the flanks. Some of the shields glowed from the impact. The flames engulfed one of the men's arms, and he started to scream from the pain.
The circilmen returned fire, and a firefight began. The sound of their weapons crackled throughout the surrounding area, amplified by the ruined walls. Above the sound of battle were the voices and cries of the wounded—the circiletum that were deployed on the ridge above rained fire from the suppressive team.
The Palatini of Orias pushed deeper into the temple ground as the battle continued. That was until the town began to be consumed by this thick haze, providing cover for the goblins, and restricting visibility for the Lat forces. While not educated to the standards of civilized races, Goblins were not stupid.
"It is a haze," Fraeya said. "They must have a mage somewhere within the nest."
Centurion Fionntan Henness approached their forces and began to regroup. "Can you counter it?"
"No," Fraeya replied. "I never studied Aeromancy magic."
"Nebulo," Henness said. "Our armor and weapons will be less effective."
Fraeya understood his concern. From what she recalled from her classes; goblins have sharp senses. Based on the density of the haze, it was clear even to her that they were planning to force them to huddle and expose themselves to be surrounded, making their ranged weapons worthless.
"We will just have to work around it," Raegel said.
As Frayea prepared herself, she felt a strange feeling throughout her body, almost like some field affecting her body. She saw a female legionary in light armor and a cloak checking over the wounded. One of the few women in the legionary, she could tell she was the unit healer specializing in Sanamancy magic. The women must have placed a barrier to help protect against any poisonous gasses lying within the haze.
Orias advanced through the haze; this forced the soldiers to clump together for safety. As the assault group progressed, they were hit non-stop by the goblin's arrow fire, spears, and fire shots from sling guns. Most of these projectiles caused minor damage thanks to the heavy armor legionary’s wear. However, this did not remove the damage as it brought discomfort and limited their progression to a crawl.
Barely noticing two figures on top of a rooftop through the haze, who were firing slingshots toward their position, she pointed her hand toward a piece of rubble and, with her magic, lifted the debris and projected it through the haze. The rubble temporarily formed a gap in the haze that increased the line-of-sight.
She then called out to the fire battle mage within the unit. The mage realized what was happening and fired multiple firebolts toward the tower. Five bolts impacted the building from different directions, engulfing the structure in flames. Everyone could hear the faint sound of goblins screaming as the building burnt.
With the tower collapsing suddenly, arrows rained through the thick haze, hitting the legionaries in retaliation. While most arrows bounced off the armor, some found exposed spots. Two more legionaries fell to their knees, with one vomiting blood, forcing the healed to focus on the sick over protecting the group.
It became clear that the goblins changed their tactics and poisoned their arrows. While worthless against armor, they could still puncture the underneath clothing and scrap any exposed part of the skin.
A luperca legionnaire picked up an old broken wagon and used it as a shield to protect. With the cover, the lower ranking commanders directed the circilmen to pick off any goblins that peaked above the surface.
Combined with the haze and change of tactic, this formed a strange stalemate between the two sides. The Orias was forced into a defensive; they were well equipped to deal with any goblins who dared to get within melee range. However, the goblins had surrounded and had the range advance as they could see through the haze, allowing them to snipe any legionary who adventured far from the group.
Fraeya saw a blob of acid impact a swordsmen's scutum. The scutum started being consumed by the spell, slowly falling into pieces. The man screamed as he felt his arm burn, desperately untieing the strappings to ditch the heavy shield.
"We need to kill their shaman before we are picked off," Raegel said.
"I agreed," Henness replied. "As long as this haze is here, my suppressive team is useless."
"If I recall," Fraeya said. "A Shaman should be nearby. Someone close enough to maintain this haze and give commands but not put themselves in danger."
"Then I know where it should be," Henness said. "Let's go half-elf."
She felt her ears perk up once she realized the centurion was talking about her. She looked toward her father and saw the 'it is time to prove yourself' look. Taking a deep breath and preparing herself, she gathered behind Henness and six of his men.
The assault unit left the main one and adventurer deeper into the temple grounds. As they reached what remained of an intersection, goblins stormed out of the stone buildings to ambush the legionaries.
With their disciplined reaction, the legionaries immediately adjusted their formation and sliced down the attackers. Henness stood at the center, holding his sword out as flames wrapped around the blade.
As the goblins attacked the swordsmen, Fraeya broke apart the ground on the right flank, knocking many goblins. The one that fell, she entangled them by summoning vines - which trapped the goblins and pulled them into the ground until their death or burial.
She then turned and lifted parts of the ground on the left flank, blocking some of the goblins. This prevented the legionaries from being encircled.
"Reform," Henness ordered. "We need to advance quickly. Stay close."
Once the path was clear, the unit moved toward the building where the goblins had fortified. Henness moved in front of her to provide protection. He held up his shield, deflecting arrows.
"Stay behind me," Henness said.
While not being a military woman, Fraeya quickly learned to accept the chain of command on this quest. On the battlefield, her father told her to listen to Henness as he was a man of war. She realized that the structure and safety of the city and the academy are vastly different in the countryside. Getting behind him, she followed him close behind as he pushed forward, arrows striking his shield, allowing her to get in range for her spell.
The legionaries stopped engaging the incoming goblins, allowing their centurion and the young mage to get closer. Henness reached around his scutum and pressed the amulet attached to the outer shell's center. Once pressed, the large shield briefly glowed before darkening, returning to the standard red with white lining design.
Up ahead, Fraeya saw in full display of the nest. Spikes, fortification, and green webbing filled the gaps between the ruined structures. Skeletons and decomposing bodies littered the areas of their past victims. The goblins were standing in the bunker sections, preparing for battle. With how heavily guarded it was, she concluded that this must be where the Shaman was.
"Fraeya, now!"
Fraeya moved around the man to cast her spell. With a quick chant, her hands glowed green again. As she channeled her mana, an acid attack impacted Henness' scutum. While the added hardening enchantment from the amulet increased the scutum resistance, the acid slowly ate through the large shield.
Stepping from cover, Fraeya aimed her hands at the nest. The ground trembled a little as the front of the nest collapsed on itself from the summoned sinkhole.
With the front entrance open, Fraeya saw the Shaman in plain view—a female, being one of the few within a goblin nest. The Shama looked scared as she looked around where to hide.
Fraeya did not give it time as she cast a spell that created a spike from the ground below the Shaman and pierced straight through the vicious monster, killing it instantly.
As the Shaman staff hit the ground, the haze started to disappear.
Believing that her work was complete after killing the goblin leader, her ears quickly heard footsteps surrounding them.
Noticing that the goblins were about to swarm their position, she took cover behind Henness to protect his rear. She took a deep breath as she felt exhausted from the battle and cast so many spells quickly.
Starting at five goblins that emerged from the ruins, Fraeya watched as they charged toward them. Before they got close, however, each one was sniped from the ridge-side suppressive team.
With a moment of confusion, she stared toward the cliffside and saw the suppressive team. Now that the haze is disappearing, they could snipe off the remaining goblins from their elevation position.
"Good job, half-elf," Henness said, slowly stepping back with a shield aimed at the flames, guiding Fraeya back.
"Stop calling me half-elf," Fraeya yelled. "I am out here risking my life with the rest of you, and don't give me that war is a male-domain thing! I am willing to see this through. Most of my kind would stay home and let you fight, so why do you keep degrading me?"
"Because ideals get people killed," Fionntan Henness replied. "Out here, you must earn that respect within the brotherhood of warriors, especially if you are used to living inside the city walls. People with a self-protected mindset usually end up as food for the worms or get my soldiers killed because they do not understand what it takes to survive."
The centurion then turned to the destroyed nest. "I will say, though, what you did here. It is a good first step for a half-elf." He then turned to give her an approving smile.
Not understanding the humor from the Lat, Fraeya accepted it. From her experience, Lats always had a strange sense of humor. Insults are sometimes seen as compliments while praising could be considered offensive. Saying one thing but meaning another is a common trait for them.
With the remaining palatini coming after clearing the remaining goblins, Fraeya saw her father. She rushed over and hugged him and teared up.
"You did good, my dear," Raegel said as he patted her.
"Is this really what it is like out here?" Fraeya asked.
"Sadly, it is," Fraeya replied. "That is why I never brought you around on my digs."
"I am sorry to interrupt," Henness said. "We are on borrowed time, so can we get at it?"
Fraeya looked toward the centurion with frustration as she wanted a moment with her father. After taking a deep breath, she realized that he was right.
After finishing her hug, she brushed off the goblin's blood and clothing.
"Then we better begin searching for what we came for," Raegel said as he reached for his bag. She watched as he pulled out a perfectly smoothed, pure black orb. By itself, it didn't look impressive. She had seen hundreds of these orbs at the academy or the many workshops within the city.
Raegel held the orb in one hand and activated it with his mana. The orb glowed light blue and fainted, barely emitting any energy. He then took it against the mountain and began scanning.
Not wanting to miss anything, Fraeya quickly pulled out her journal, skipping past all her notes until she reached a blank page. She then began documenting everything her father did, taking in every world and detail.
The palatini began walking through the ruins, heading toward the mountain wall. Raegel explained in his research that the temple extended inside the mountain, like a dwarf borrian. While others who came before him came up with this theory, they were still looking for a way to detect the hidden door markings and find it.
Raegel moved down the side of the mountain, holding the orb high.
"Why are you not using a door-detecting amulet?" Fraeya asked.
"Because people have been using that for generations and found nothing here," Raegel replied.
After a reasonable amount of time when nothing had happened, Fraeya began to wonder if everything was for nothing. Seeing the lack of progress, Henness inquired if the orb failed to work. As Raegel replied, the orb suddenly blimped orange for a moment.
Witnessing the sudden change, the group backed away as they did not know how to respond to the sudden glow.
Noticing a renewed excitement from her father, she followed him closely as they investigated the mountainside.
As they searched, her father noticed that the faint blue glow from the orb had changed to orange. It then disappeared and slowly appeared, like it was slowly pulsing. When they continued walking forward, the pulsing light increased in speed.
"I think it is directing us, father," Fraeya said.
"Possible," Raegel said. "There must be some type of link."
The palatini followed the direction the orb gave. As the group approached a mountainside wall, the pulse frequency increased until it looked like the orb glowed a solid color.
"I think we found it," Raegel said. He lifted the orb toward the wall.
As the orb drew closer to the mountainside, these blue lines appeared all over the rocky wall. The rough chips of rock melted away and turned smooth as the light traveled through the grooves, slowly creating what looked like a giant door of light.
Once the bright lights finished designing a massive door, Fraeya placed her hand on the wall, shocked at how the natural bulky rocks turned into a marble-like wall.
"I would step aside, Fraeya," Raegel said.
As Fraeya stepped backward, she watched her father open the door with a magical spell. Like most magical doors, the door brightened as she expected it would fold into the mountain. To her surprise, the door didn't fold away but melted into the ground.
"What happened to the door?" Fraeya asked.
Raegal placed his hand on his chin. "It seemed that the wall was not solid but some liquid matter. These people are impressive."
The wall began to shake as dusk from the cracks spread through the area.
A large opening formed as the door walls folded into the mountainside. A passage leading deeper into the mountain. The walls were black and smooth, while the floor had these textiles in perfect order, leading deeper into the mountain.
"This has to be a dwarven design," Fraeya commented. "Only they could do something like this."
"I'm not sure," Raegel said. "This is not a design I have seen from dwarves."
Fraeya understood what her father meant. Dwarven doors into the mountains took a lot of work to find. While there were many designs of such hidden doors and the means to open them, it was doubtful that anyone had ever seen a secret magical door like this before.
Raegel started to walk into the chamber but was suddenly stopped by Henness. Stating that he wanted his men to go first to ensure no trap, three legionaries moved through the large chamber. Once they gave the clear, the rest of the group entered.
While walking, Fraeya stayed close to her father as she took notes. The soldiers ahead of them set up torches to add more light. To her surprise, the walls and floor were smooth. The air was stale, probably trapped within this chamber for centuries.
As they walked inside, the room lit up. Everyone stopped as they looked toward the end of the hall. The chamber was empty, with only a strange-looking platform at the very end. Noticing that the orb was pointing toward the platform, they approached it.
"Is this it?" Henness asked. "It does not look that impressive."
"Not everything is based on size, centurion," Raegel replied, to which his daughter giggled.
Fraeya then analyzed the platform. It was smooth, almost marble-like. However, she doubted whether it was marble. The fundamental details that she noticed were a strange-looking blue crystal at the center of the platform and another in a hole on the side.
"This is interesting," Fraeya commented. The design looked surprisingly simple. This orb must act as some command orb for this device. They must be communicating in some manner."
"Assuming that the legend was true, the orcs were the ones who summoned the lats from Altaerrie," Fraeya said. "Maybe, when this place was lost of that time, it was never turned off. Being left in a state of slumber, waiting to be reawakened."
"Possible. It would explain why the orb directed us here. The orange pulse is now pointing down at a rapid pace."
"I think it goes into that hole, father," Fraeya said. "From what I can tell, the crystal in there connects to the one on top of the platform."
"I see," Raegel said. "The pulse is pointing toward it too. I recommend that everyone step back."
"Be careful, father," Fraeya said.
Stepping back from the platform, Fraeya watched as her father placed the orb into the hole. This was the moment her father had been talking about for decades, and it had finally come true. The Bridge between two worlds had finally been discovered.
As Raegel placed the orb into the platform, it glowed orange in a solid state, no longer pulsing. The blue crystal in the middle of the platform slowly lit up, like it was waking up after a long sleep.
The air suddenly chilled as the air flowed toward the platform. A bright light beamed out of the crystal and slowly faded away, leaving a light as if on standby.
To their dismay, the orb changed to red, dimming and brightening in a slow, tired pattern.
"What is it doing, father?" Fraeya asked.
"I have no idea," Raegel replied. "It must be waiting for something."

Olá! It's me! I'm Rickle Pick! Hello everyone!
So, I’ve been listening to some stories about Neckbeards and Kevins, as well as some Legbeards and Kevinas (Is that the correct term??). Well, most of the times I listen to those stories, I am reminded of some people I used to deal with in school. Specifically, this time, the tale of a guy, who I’ll name Roger Bacon for reasons soon to be explained. Sorry for any grammar errors, eu falo português! I also don't really know the posting rules here, so I'll just post it and see how it goes lol
This prologue is more of a compilation of stories that I think is needed before we get to the main shenanigans and awkward situations this guy put himself AND me into. If this generates any interest, I will post more specific tales of this weirdo! Long time lurker, first time poster, english is definitely not my first language and the whole shebang. I also never wrote a text this large, so go easy on me!
THE LIST:
Well, I guess it’s usual to make a list of people that appear in those stories, so I’ll make one just for you!
Me: Your basic musician-type nerdy theater kid white guy! Tall, thin with medium-light brown hair. At the time, I usually wore a leather jacket and sometimes a hat (not a fedora, a Chaplin hat. Also, where I live, hats are an acceptable attire choice lol). I kinda looked like the Once-ler from Lorax. At this time, I had just failed my second year of high school because of… honestly just lack of effort, mixed with undiagnosed ADHD and a bit of lacking in the ol’ confidence and self-respect department. At the time, I also was physically incapable of saying no and had a crippling fear of disappointing people.
Roger Bacon: 168 centimeters (or 5,5ft for the uncivilized) of pure muscle! Or at least he thought it was that way. In reality, he did have some muscles but was kinda chubby and flaccid. Not FAT fat, but athletic fat (???). He was mixed, light skinned, had shaved short curly hair, no beard (except for the inside beard) and his face was a special kind of oval, besides having a, "chiseled jaw". He always smelled like he had just gotten out of a day-long brawl with a french cologne wearing burrito. He wasn't an usual neckbeard, but he was a huge attention whore. Thought too much of himself, as we say here in Brazil: “Promised too much, delivered nothing at all.” His moto was: “Dude, I think she’s into me!”
For now, these are the characters, as the focus is to introduce you all to Roger Bacon as a person.
With the list over, let us get to the story.
FEBUARY 2018:
The year of 2018 started pretty badly for me. I had just been held back from 10th grade, had no friends and didn’t really know anyone. As most people know, high school in Brazil is quite different from America, as we start school in febuary and we share the same class with the same people all day, excluding language classes and extra-curriculum activities. This meant that, for the foreseeable future, I was alone. On the first day of school, I shyly sat on the last desk on the far right corner of the room, as I scanned my classroom to see what I was dealing with. A few groups of people sitting together, talking and greeting their friends, some loners reading or playing on their phones. The artsy girl drawing a beauriful woman on the white board. Some guy drawing a penis right beside her. Perfect balance. A normal classroom.
Another difference between our school systems is that we don’t really have clicks based on like Jocks or Nerds or Pretty Girls, it’s mostly people who connected in childhood or matched personalities, instead of connecting through roles and interests within the school. Not saying either one is better, just different. And yeah, the bullying situation is just as bad. I was bullied for my whole middle school and through first year of high school, and made a very specific group of low profile friends. So when I failed sophomore year I thought to myself “Screw it, if I’m going to be held back, that’s at least a second chance for me to grow an acceptable social life.”
All this elucidates how intimidating it could be for someone to join a new classroom full of mostly new faces. If you were unable to make a friend, you’d pretty much be on your own for the whole year unless an already formed group “adopted” you. So my mindset was to at least try and meet new people.
Well, have you ever said “I’m gonna do this thing I’ve never done before!” And got the worst possible circunstance you could get at the very first attempt? Welp, that’s just what happened. My strategy was to start small, and go talk to only one person at first, and then try to interact with a few of the groups as that was a bit intimidating (fun fact: we call “clicks “panelinhas”, spelled “pah-neh-lin-ias”, wich means “little pans”, because, you know, they’re closed groups, like a closed… pan. Idk, anyway), so I went up to this guy in front of me, and that guy was Roger Bacon.
He was almost lying on his chair, on a cool guy pose while messing around on his phone. He was also wearing a black sports tank top with a grey opened sweatshirt and the standard uniform wine-red shorts that were mandatory in our school, which made him look like a short and jelly version of Rocky balboa mixed with Kick Buttowski.
In real life, my name and his started with sequential letters, and because of this, we would sit near each other for the whole year, so I guessed he’d be the best person to interact with. I also KINDA knew him because we had basketball training after class in like 2015 and I went to the same church as him, in which I befriended his brother, Kevin, slightly, but didn’t have much contact with him because he had already graduated (I have some stories about basketball and church so tell me if yall wanna read them lol). I approached and gestured for him to take of his headphones (They were extremely loud, so I could recognize he was listening to the song In The End by Linkin Park).
Me: Hey! Aren’t you Roger? You’re Kevin’s brother, right?
RB, trying to sound stoic: “Oh, hey Rick. Yeah, it’s me… fortunately for you.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
RB explained: “Well, I’m the cool brother! Kevin was lame, and also had no friends.”
Me: “Isn’t he in a band with [insert band members]? They seem to be his friends…
RB: “They might look nice, but they’re all assholes. Don’t let them fool you! I’m the nice brother, Kevin is a dipshit.
To elucidate you: that band he said was made of assholes was the Worship band of the church we went to. It was also the worship band that I occasionally played the piano with.
I said, jokingly: “Guess I’m an asshole then! Because, ya know, I play with them more often than not”
RB: “No man, it’s just them. They’re just so infuriating! They never let me participate!”
Me: “Wow, that’s weird… I mean, I didn’t know you were a musician too! What instrument do you play?”
RB: “I play the drums, piano, guitar, bass and I also sing. But Kevin keeps me out because he wants to be the 'star brother'!”
I could tell he got a little heated, and went silent for a little while. I decided not to mention the band or his brother in his presence, 'cause ya know, that was pretty awkward lol.
I remember thinking to myself “This guy’s kinda weird”, because his brother was one of the nicest people I had ever known, and he also didn’t have the say on who played on the band, the worship leader did. I thought about confronting Roger with this, but I didn’t want to abandon my quest of finding a friend. And also, he seemed chill at first, if not a little insecure.
I was a little uncomfortable with this line of conversation, so I opted to change the subject. We talked a bit more about me having been held back, and he went on about how he was really good at math and chemistry, and how he could help me with my school stuff.
I was glad to have someone to help me, and even more, someone who apparently liked the stuff I liked. I remembered what he was listening to, so I commented on it and asked which song was his favorite, and we talked about Linkin Park for a bit. He said “In The End” was his favorite song, and then I mentioned I was a huge Linkin Park fan. He told me he was a big fan as well, but as we talked about it, it became a bit fishy. He never specifically said anything and just kinda repeated what I said. It became clear after a while that “In The End” was, in fact, virtually the only song he knew from that band.
That was the first time I noticed something strange, but only in hindsight, as at the time I just thought he really wanted to make a human connection. I remember thinking he was just excited to know someone who was open to talking to him, so I didn’t think anything of it.
Also, not everyone memorizes this stuff, and maybe he did only remember one song, for whatever reason, so I let that pass. I only felt necessary to include this information because it was, at least in some way, the first lie that Roger told me, a little sample, if you will, of what’s to come.
After we talked for a while, mostly catching up on our lives, the bell rung and our first actual class had begun, and I had the first-hand experience of this guy’s sense of humor. The teacher walked into the classroom and introduced himself as the new Geography teacher, and started a power point presentation about some of the subjects we’d be covering that year, saying “Please pay attention to this class, as you’ll need to know how our schedule will work”. Roger looked back and said “Huh, I guess this class is useless for you then, being held back and all, hahah”, which made everyone look at me and just kinda stare like I should say something, and he kept repeating the joke to anyone that showed any reaction besides just staring, adding “Amirite? Huh? Amirite?”.
I was kinda salty about this, but my people pleasing peapod brain couldn’t handle letting it show, so I just laughed and said nothing. I guessed it was a poorly thought out joke at first, but then Roger proceeded to make the same comment on every single one of the opening classes we had for both of the introductory days. There were 12 of them. He did it every time. Every. Single. Time. Sometimes he repeated it even louder, as if he didn’t think people heard it, because no-one was laughing.
“Ok”, I said to myself, “He didn’t mean to make fun of me, he’s just a little overexcited and probably is trying to make a connection and help me get acquainted to our classmates.”
Either way, I was very uncomfortable and annoyed.
Thankfully, this came to a halt when he was practically thrown out of the Literature class for interrupting the teacher mid-sentence while she talked about how important the first month of class would be for our comprehension of the whole subject. He made the joke four times. FOUR TIMES. I was beginning to think that I made a mistake, but well, the mistake was already made, at least I can try and understand him a bit, before judging.
The rest of the week went by and he didn’t get any better, but I got kinda used to it. In fact, I actually enjoyed having conversations with him at recess, when we could talk a bit more freely. And, as all things in life tend to do, it got weirder. Weirder in the sense that as we spoke more and more, I noticed a bit of a concerning pattern: every time I shared an experience I had, he’d share a cooler and more awesome almost equal experience back.
Some light examples:
I told him I went hiking for 2-3 kilometers on a trail by the beach. Then he smirked and said he went hiking for “at least 7 kilometers on a deserted beach that only his father’s company’s employees had access to and he saw a Gorilla. There are no gorillas in Brazil. Maybe in zoos, I guess, but definitely no gorillas.
I told him I was kinda sad because I had just ended a “thing” with a girl from my old grade. He “proudly” said he’s been dumped by his ex, Laura, after they dated for 11 months and made out aaaallll the time after school, and he even saw her “lady parts” once!”.
And then he went on to describe that shit for like 3 straight classes, adding more and more to the story every chance he had to speak, providing me with my daily dose of cringe in tiny bits of uncomfortable information at a time! Like a sporadic cringe snack! Sninge! Crack? Probably Crack.
ANYWAYS
There was also the time I told him the story of how I became best friends with a guy because we got into a fight in P.E.. We were arguing about some nonsense and he wanted to fight, so after he socked me on my stomach, I cheaply kicked him in the face so hard I almost sprained my ankle and then we started laughing (because I guess sometimes that’s all it takes). Phillip is my best friend for almost 10 years now.
Roger puffed up his soap dish chest went on for at least 2 classes worth of time about how he “beat up his last bully and broke both of his arms, and almost went to prison, but his dad is a lawyer and bailed him out”. Dude was 16, and I don’t think he’d need to be bailed out, but okay… He was, in fact, very badass.
Those are all approximations of actual stories he told me, because my ADHD memory is shit, but you get the gist of it.
My days were filled with endless stories filled with absolute bullshit, like a Gary Stu from a dying rpg campaign. (I have a story about a DnD game he participated in, but that’s for another time!)
Roger, not content with lying to me about anecdotal facts about his past that could be true but were almost certainly mostly bullshit (if not entirely), had a tendency to just negate reality when presented with facts in certain situations.
And example of this situation is the time we were doing a group assignment and a girl at least 3 meters in front of him dropped her pencil and he just kinda threw himself on the ground, picked it up and said “Here you go, Lana!”. She said “Thanks Roger!”, barely turning around and carried on with the assignment. Roger, then, turned to me with a sleek shit feasting smirk on his face and said:
RB: “Dude, do you think she’s into me??”
I contained a ridiculing laughter just in time to realize he was dead serious.
I said “I don’t know man… Doesn’t seem like it to me, but sure I guess.”
RB then straight up asked ME to go talk to her and get HIM her number. When I asked why shouldn’t he do it, he said it was “the wingman’s job to get the number of the girl” so that he wouldn’t “look weak for asking”
I said I’d do it, cause I genuinely wanted to see if he was right about her liking him (I hadn’t really understood the dynamics of the classroom, so I actually had no idea if he was actually right, just a gut feeling that yeah, he probably wasn’t).
I went up to her and asked for her number, explaining it was Roger who was interested in her and, as I pulled out my raging 2014’s Sony XPeria, I was swiftly interrupted by her delicately saying “Sorry! I have a boyfriend.” (She said the boyfriend part out loud, and stared at Roger)
I said “Oh, ok, sorry to bother ya!” and, as I was starting to walk back, I noticed that she turned back and glared at Roger. Later that day her boyfriend texted him, telling him that “He’s got to stop asking her out, and next time, if he wants to get rejected, he should come do it himself” He called him a moron. And then they both blocked him.
Well, that was embarrassing.
Despite having been turned down (for the 6th time now, I’d come to find out), Roger still maintained that she was “totally into him”, and it wasn’t just Lana. Any time he had even the smallest interaction with any girl, he’d say that they’re “probably into him”, or that “they made out at a party, but she was drunk and probably won’t remember”, or that they “sent him nudes last year but he’s already deleted them because he’s a good person, with morals”.
This went on for a while and, after about a month, Roger begun to dial down the crazy stories about how he’s a “badass and he gets all the girls but he’s single because he’s too good for them”. Until I started seeing a girl from another church I started going to. I met Janice () at the churches youth group, and we talked the whole time afterwards about lots of stuff. This name’s given because of her insanely similar laughter and demeanor of Janice from Friends. We clicked well and I was very interested in her, but my ADHD ass forgot to get her number, and remembered it only when she had already left.
When I told Roger, he laughed and said “I had just cockblocked myself” and that I’d “probably missed my only chance of banging a girl ever”. I was bummed, but clarified I didn’t really want to have sex before marriage or at least before making an emotional connection (I had just then begun to go to church, so I didn’t really get the rules, so it was more of a personal choice I always had in mind when thinking about dating. Also I met her at church so wtf).
He said “that was dumb” and, “even though he was a virgin, he’d dance the Devil’s Tango with the first chick he had the chance to”
“What about Laura?”, I asked. His face went from a confident smirk to an almost sad expression, and he blankly replied: “She didn’t want to, but I tried anyway at times. I even got a blowie once!” I let it go because I was very tired, as Mondays are hell on earth.
A few classes later, I went up to him and reminded him of our conversation and asked:
I said “Ooookay, but what about all those girls you told me were all over you? Didn’t they want to have some bum bum times with you??”
He was taken by surprise by this, and was visibly trying so hard to think of an answer for at least 15 seconds. He mumbled “Well…”, and like just left. Like he got up in the middle of the class, and walked away. Well that was weird!
He got back and I didn’t pry, thinking he had some kind of trauma, and I tried to change the subject.
I say “tried” because instead we were suddenly interrupted by a girl asking me if I was Rick. I didn’t know her or how she had materialized beside our desks, but later I found out that that girl’s name was Mary. She had blue eyes and was smiling mischievously, and I answered “Yup, that’s me”. She then giggled and said that “Anna wanted to make out with me after class”. Me and Roger were both very much taken aback by this, and I immediately thought to myself that this could only be some type of dare or prank (which it probably was), and was about to try and respond with the first witty joke that popped up in my monkey brain when, without missing a beat, Roger said “Rick’s already seeing someone!”. Mary was visibly surprised and said “Oh, you have a girlfriend??” with a look of disbelief on her face. Ouch. I explained that I wouldn’t say I do, I just liked a girl from church and we’re going to see a movie with some friends on Saturday, and that either way it was a pass on the making out sesh! Mary said “Oh, okay!” and started to walk back to her desk. I was about to make a joke and say that Anna could probably do better than me, when Roger interjected:
RB: “I’d like a making out sesh if she’s interested!”
Mary looked back with a visible “Lol, ew no” expression and just said: “I’m sure you would, Roger!”, turned away and sat down, laughing with her friends when she got to her desk.
Roger turned to me and said:
RB: “Dude, do you think she’s into me?”
This cycle repeated once in a while, so I’m not gonna tell you all of the situations that I felt like shaking him and trying to wake him up like Woody does to Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story. Exhausting, right?
Another thing Roger tended to brag about was that he did Martial Arts. Specifically, Kung Fu (Wushu). I would come to find out that, in the year before, he made a big scene to tell everyone in class that he’d just started Kung-Fu classes and, when no-one payed attention, he started a habit of punching the wall beside his desk, audibly making “hmpft” noises. When anyone asked why, he’d say he was training, and that his Sensei (Not shifu, he actually said sensei) had asked him to do that to strengthen his fists so he could harness all the strength he had, so one day he could put a hole through a wall with his fists.
He would also punch the school’s fireproof doors because, if you didn’t know, they dent pretty easily, and he would show me and tell me to bask at his strength and ability. That until I said I’d give it a try. He told me not to, because “I wasn’t trained” and “it could really hurt my hand”. I punched the door. It made a dent.
Roger said it was beginners luck and that he’s just a good teacher. I told him I really didn’t even make an effort to pay attention, the metal was just bendy and soft. Roger never talked about it again, and started only punching walls. For that, he would feel superior because, yeah I ain’t doing that. There were consequences for his wall punching habits, but I’ll address that some other time.
The last thing I’ll say about him for now is how clueless Roger was, how much he thought of himself and how he treated everyone else like they should (and would) respecting for what he told them, and not for what he showed them.
(I plan on doing another part eventually, with the story of how his disconnection with reality, lies, schemes and generally narcissist behavior eventually exploded back into his face.)
As a last bit of exposition of our circumstances, there’s an important part of our school life that fueled Roger’s social life’s demise.
Pranking was a big part of my class’ culture. There were also some people in my classroom who were bullied. The thing is: the bullies actually made fun of literally everyone else, which made it very hard to figure out if you were considered a target or just a colleague. They’d mess with people’s stuff, tie backpacks to the windows and hide pencil cases, but they would also do it to their own group.
Essentially, the only way to differentiate those who they considered normal schoolmates from those who were bullied was the frequency of the pranks and their demeanor in general towards those people. They would apologize for the pranks, ask to make up for it, buy you lunch, make jokes, try to laugh with you. I swear some of those guys were politicians in the making. Luckily, was very good friends with one of the guys in that group, I’ll call him Turkey, who was also held back a few years before me, and he liked my sister, so I was mostly safe.
Roger, on the other hand, THOUGHT he was one of the pranksters. Every time someone pranked him or anyone else, he would laugh knowingly, like he was in on the joke the whole time, and try to make jokes, only to further humiliate himself. And they would capitalize on that as hard as they could.
You see, Roger liked to portray himself as the “Mysterious-Badass-Quiet-Protagonist-Take-No-Shit-From-Anyone-Mr.-Steal-Yo-Girl” guy. This combo of personality substitutes was the recipe for the downfall of his popularity, and the start of the longest lasting pranks I’ve ever seen in my life, which will come if yall want another post. That prank is also the reason I named him Roger Bacon.
Because he was so into Math and Science (and into himself too lol) he also always wanted to look like the smartest guy in the room. The problem is that, as our first semester went by, it became clear that he wasn’t as good as he hyped himself up to be. Shocker, right? This was proven to be true when we were doing a chemistry group test, and I was paired with him and Anna, and we needed to calculate some entropies or whatever. He made a point of telling us to do all of the “easy ones”, and he would take on the more complicated questions.
The thing is, he was trying really hard to look like a genius, to maybe impress Anna, so every time he made a calculation, he would roll his eyes up and kinda vibrate a little. I guess he wanted to look like a genius mathematics robot, but instead he looked like he was trying to imitate an autistic person having a small stroke. I didn’t mind the Good Doctor amateur impersonation, because at least it looked like he knew what he was doing. Unfortunately, it really just looked like he knew what he was doing.
Each easy question of the test was worth 1 point, and there were 4 of them, and there were 3 hard questions worth 2 points each. We got a 4/10 on that test, and lo and behold, the only questions we got right were the ones me and Anna worked on. We were a bit pissed, not gonna lie.
Until the last time we spoke, Roger still blames Anna for his complete failure at this test for, in his words, distracting him because she was obviously into him.
But that’s just Roger, I guess!
I've got A LOT of stories about Roger and other neckbeards I've encountered, and I can't wait to tell them!
Until then, thanks for reading, and have a good one yall!

"Our perfect Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only one such Child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly but smilingly we present God with a dandelion – as if it were an orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually." - Elder Neal A. Maxwell, That Ye May Believe, 1992, p.10
I just wanted to share a touching story from mission when I felt Heavenly Father turn my dandelion into a rose: (taken from my journal)
Today was a really rough day. We were working really hard but it was just one of those days when you gain a testimony that the adversary is real and he hates you. However, on such days, you also gain a testimony that God is real and he loves you.
We were on the #88 bus coming back from ________ towards the center of the city. As we got on the bus, we immediately saw it was full of school children (about 6th-8th grade) coming back from the 2nd shift of school. I was standing, talking to a woman sitting down who had helped us know which bus to get on, when I noticed an 8th grade girl, crying, right behind her. She was in hysterics, and several of her friends were trying to comfort her. But one by one, they gave up and sat down across the aisle, leaving only the girl and one of her friends sitting next to her. I watched as the girl, through tears and short breaths, explained to her friend whichever devastating event had happened that day (whether it was a family issue, a personal issue, a school issue, I don't know). The friend tried to comfort her, but the girl would burst into tears as she told then story, then would try to regain her composure, and then would burst into tears again.
It was during this time that I had the thought (and I am certain it was from the Holy Ghost): "You should draw her a picture to make her smile." My immediate response was, "No, that's a silly idea! A picture? Of what? A rose?!" Then, the words of our beloved former prophet Thomas S. Monson came into my mind: "Why... That would be a kind thing to do" ("A Legacy of Love and Service", Ann M. Dibb)
I excused myself from the conversation with the woman, and sat down in an empty seat across the aisle from the crying girl. I pulled a pen out of my jacket, and searched for a piece of scratch paper in my pockets. I didn't remember have a scratch piece of paper, but as I put my hand into my right jacket pocket, my fingers touched paper. I pulled it out, and recalled that earlier that day, I had had a specific prompting to grab that piece of paper (which had an investigator's Skype written on it) with plans to contact the investigator through Skype (that never ended up happening that day). I thanked Heavenly Father and tore off a small square. On the square, I drew a rose: not a very good one, but for someone with little artistic talent skill on a bumpy bus with a cheap black pen, it did the job. Then, I wrote the following: (in the country's language)
Here is a rose
To make you happy
And not to cry
Everything will be okay.
God loves you.
I tapped the young girl on the shoulder, and she turned around, surprised and with tears in her eyes. I handed her the note, and then stood up and returned to my companion's side in the middle of the bus. Behind my back, I heard the girl's friend let out a gasp of joy! I turned slightly, to see, and I saw that the girl was no longer crying. She had a smile on her face, and was trying not to hold back giggling (not the "a cute boy just handed me a note" kind of giggling, but the kind of giggling that happens when you were just inconsolable and something shocks you into happiness). She was showing her friend the note and soon all of her friends gathered around her to see what had brought such a smile to their friend's face. Pretty soon, others on the bus who sat around her began to ask what was on the note. An older woman who sat in front of them asked to see it. Before you knew it, almost half the bus had seen the note (or at least it felt that way).
Immediately after seeing her smile, I thanked Heavenly Father: "Thank you for doing such a wonderful thing for that girl, Father." A little while later, I glanced back at the girl and saw her looking down at the note, holding it in her hands, not taking her eyes off of it, with a smile on her face. I saw her friends look at me, and she smiled at me, and in her eyes were the words "Thank you". I thanked Heavenly Father again.
The rest of the ride into center was different. The girl joined the rest of her friends, and they laughed together as they talked about whatever 8th grade girls talk about. I tried to talk to a few people by us, but they weren't in a talking mood. As we got off the bus, I turned back once more and waved to the girl and her friend. They waved back. No tears. Just a smile.
Thank you, Heavenly Father. I felt more like an observer than a participant in the whole event. Thank you for what you did for her. She knows you love her. She felt your love. You were right. It was a kind thing to do.
At the end of such a difficult day, it felt like that was the only thing I had to offer, my "dandelion" which Heavenly Father had turned into a rose.

Credit to u/SpacePaladin15 for the NOP Universe.
Hey, I hope everyone's doing well!
Today we return to the namesake of this fic, an actual lesson about animals. This one focuses on Koalas! One of Australia's most recognisable critters. I hope you enjoy.
It's hardly worth mentioning, seeing as I'm an infrequent poster at the best of times, but I'll not have another chapter out for a few weeks due to limited free time and devoting most of my writing time to an upcoming ficnapping. Be sure to look out for that!
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Memory transcription subject: Rysel, Venlil Environmental Researcher
Date [Standardised human time]: 8th September 2136
“Koalas!”
Bernard’s energised voice boomed through the air as the classroom's monitor flickered into life, images of this paws lecture topic popping up one after the other until the entire screen was filled with a collage of furry quadrupeds.
Squee! I’ll never get tired of this, it’s all so cool!
As usual the sight of something new stirred immediate discussion, hushed murmurs swelling into vibrant discourse in little more than a heartbeat. Most of the class swiftly huddled together into small herds to bounce ideas around while the rest opted to stick to the solace of their own thoughts as they took in the display.
I’d be quite happy in either situation, though seeing as Sandi had already sunk into deep concentration and Kailo had peeled off to talk with Ennerif and Solenk, it seemed the decision had been made for me on this occasion. Wasting no more time on idle inspection of the people around me, I focused my full attention forward, eager to form first impressions before the lesson began in earnest.
Now then, time to make some educated guesses. What traits does this animal have? I wonder if I’ll get any right this paw?
Professional assumptions went paw-in-paw with the lectures, examining and coming up with hypotheses about the specimens was only natural. Recently however, I’d started to make a little game of it to make things even more interesting than usual. A veritable bonfire of ideas had been set ablaze within me, fueled by my newfound knowledge of Earthen wildlife. Every flash and spark of the flame was a fresh theory I could try to apply to the lectures. It was an invigorating exercise that further stoked my unceasing wonderment.
So far I’d only done this once during the previous class and, to my disappointment, I’d not done too well.
I was right when I guessed that chickens were omnivores, but wrong in my assumption that they could fly. And that red thing on their head, the um… what was it called? The comb! Yes, the comb. I thought that was to attract mates, but it regulates body heat instead. It’s fascinating. Oh! Stars damn it I’m rambling!
I bapped my tail against my leg, the soft thud being just enough to snap me back from my runaway thoughts before I went completely wall-eyed. I was becoming more and more accustomed to getting lost in my own head while remaining conscious of the fact; it was happening so frequently now that it was pretty much impossible not to. Now I was able to pull myself back to the world around me without having to rely on someone else shaking me out of it. Most of the time anyway.
Sandi still keeps an eye on me, and Kailo even decided to help out once without being too snide about it. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, Koalas.
Glancing at the furred animals, two things immediately stood out. Firstly, their eyes were in a more central position on their face. And second, all the images showed them being on or close to trees. There were other noteworthy observations of course, such as the Koala’s prominent nose and rounded features, but they fell to the wayside as I honed in on these points first.
Hmmm… ok. I already know to discount the idea that they’re predators just from eye position, so let’s get that thought out of here. Maybe omnivorous? Herbivore? Agh no, I can’t just guess that for the sake of guessing, that’s the same problem! Hrm, it’s tough making these assumptions now that everything I thought I knew has been turned on its head.
Nevermind, I’ll focus on the other thing. All the trees make me think they’re arboreal, that seems to be a reasonable assumption. I wonder what else they-
Clearing his throat, Bernard broke my concentration, his call for attention silencing the murmuring conversation and redirecting everyone's focus to the lecturer's podium.
His gaze panned across the room as he waited for everyone to settle, a beaming smile lighting up his face, “As ever I’m delighted to see you all get so into the subject matter from the get go. I’m looking forward to hearing what you were discussing should you wish to share. For now though, how about we get started, hm?”
A chorus of merry bleats rang out from across the audience, ears and tails flicking happily in agreement. Bernard's grin grew in tandem with the class's fervour, clasping his hands together enthusiastically as he launched into the lesson, “Excellent! Then let’s get started.”
The pictures on screen dissolved away until only one remained, enlarging to cover the entire monitor with the fluffy grey face of a Koala peacefully reclining in the crook of a tree.
“Ah, there we are,” Bernard’s baritone timbre drifted through the room as he looked up at the image, his own tone reflecting the relaxed attitude of the animal on screen, “He looks so comfortable doesn’t he? Perfectly at peace with the world, not too surprising considering they sleep almost 20 hours a day. A full paw!”
A wave of beeps and gasps rippled through the herd, punctuated by a single yawn-dressed comment from Rova, “A full paw? Hwuuu… jealous.”
Her drowsy remark elicited several whistling giggles from the herd, Bernard's own jovial chortle joining them as he turned to face her, “Late evening Rova?”
I twisted a little in my seat, panning an eye in Rova’s direction just in time to see her bleary eyes bulge open and her ears shoot up, now intensely aware of the fact she hadn’t been as quiet as she thought she had.
Sitting up abruptly, she hastily tapped down errant tufts of wool that’d flared in surprise as she composed herself, though her nervousness at becoming the centre of the class's attention was still plain for all to hear, “Uh- I um… achem, a little bit yes, um- …sorry. Lokki dragged me out to a movie viewing in the rec centre. It went on pretty late.”
A melodramatic bray from the other side of the room drew everyone's ears away from Rova to the now aghast Lokki, paw splayed across his chest in faux indignation, “Dragged you? Well excuse me for trying to broaden your horizons with human movies. That’ll be the list time I- …Ahaaaa…”
Lokki’s theatrics were cut short by a heavy yawn of his own, a swell of whistling laughter rolling through the herd as vibrant bloom lit up his snout, a sight that elicited a particularly amused bleat from Rova.
Turning away from the duo I looked back at Bernard, pleased to see that he was chuckling along with us. Behaviour like Lokki’s would never have been tolerated in my school and university days but, in stark contrast, Bernard revelled in it, the liveliness of his students fueling his own bombastic style of teaching. It was a pleasant change of pace having a teacher who let us all be ourselves in class; provided we weren’t too disruptive to the lesson plan.
Speaking of which.
His laughter still rumbling through the air, Bernard clapped his hands to pull everyone's focus back to him, “Ok, ok, let’s get back to it then shall we? Rova. Lokki. Hopefully the two of you can stay awake long enough until you can grab yourselves a coffee.”
As the class settled down and the last few giggling beeps petered out, Benard pointed a hand to the screen, “So, the Koala. Let’s start simple shall we? They are herbivorous marsupials native to the eastern and southern coasts of Australia. Easily recognised the world over, they are a well known and beloved symbol of their homeland, along with other animals such as the Kangaroo and the Emu. The former of which you might remember from one of our earlier lectures.”
Indeed I did remember, along with how angry Bernard had gotten after some speh-head had derided the Yotul after he explained how he held specific disdain for such attitudes.
Uuuggghh… I never want to see him angry again. So chilling.
I shook my ears in an effort to dismiss the unpleasant memory, panning my eyes back to the monitor to try and distract myself by inspecting the Koala’s physical appearance once more. Thankfully, by some Star's blessed intervention, Bernard had the exact same idea.
“Koala’s are rather squat in stature, ranging around sixty to eighty-five centimetres in length and weighing little more than fifteen to sixteen kilograms at their full size. As you can see, the fur of this fellow before you is a lovely silvery grey, but their fur can also sport a chocolaty brown hue as well. Arguably the most distinctive part of their appearance is their head, being rather large for their body size and having rounded ears, a large nose, and a pair of small eyes. These are often brown but variations do occur.”
It didn’t slip past my notice that Bernard didn’t bother to point out that the Koala’s eyes were forward facing. I didn’t think he’d simply forgotten, so perhaps he just felt it wasn’t necessary given that he’d already stated it was herbivorous. Either way, no one stuck up a paw or tail to question him.
“Now this will hardly be surprising considering how long they sleep, but Koala’s are largely sedentary and it’s rather easy to see why when you have a look into the contents of their diet.”
With the press of a button the Koala on screen was replaced by images of vibrant green vegetation. Soaring trees and flowering shrubbery weaved together across landscape framed pictures pulled admiring trills from the herd, the diversity of the plant life being shown standing as a reminder that it wasn’t only animal life that flourished on Earth.
After giving everyone the chance to take in the picturesque scenes, Bernard casually hammered that point home, “This is eucalyptus or, more accurately, a choice selection of more than 700 plants belonging to the eucalyptus genus, though the Koala itself favours 30 of them in particular.”
700!? Stars…
Realising that my ears had drooped in my momentary awe, I twisted them back to tune into the lesson, only for them to splay out in shock at the next words to come out of Bernard's mouth.
“The leaves of these plants are the primary food source of the Koala and there are a couple things worth mentioning when talking about these plants. For starters they do not have much nutritional or caloric value, leading to the Koala’s low-energy lifestyle. Additionally, they contain toxic compounds.”
A shiver instantly ran through the herd, ears flicking rapidly in confusion and alarm followed by a few quizzical whispers. It didn’t take long for someone to decide to give a proper voice to the murmuring.
“Excuse me Doctor. Did we hear that right? Their diet is made up of toxic flora?” Vlek’s grumbling incredulity cut through the herd's mutterings with ease. Until Kailo’s recent change of heart, the fifty something rotation old blonde Venlil had been a close second in terms of scepticism. Mercifully his rebuttals had always been relevant questions as opposed to ranting diatribes, so he at least remained on topic if nothing else.
Bernard nodded in confirmation, smiling back at Vlek while absentmindedly twirling the end of his moustache, “You heard me right, they do indeed consume plants that are toxic. Just not to them.”
Any worry or uncertainty still clinging to the herd was swept away by the provision of the glaringly obvious answer, leaving me chuckling inwardly at the oversight.
Ah of course! The plant might be poisonous but they’ll have evolved to deal with that. Stars… I’m so used to expecting the unexpected with Earth that I didn’t even consider the simplest solution.
“I see, thank you Doctor,” Vlek replied, a tinge of interest still audible in his tone, “I assume they’ve developed some adaptation to become immune to the harmful effects?”
The question immediately evoked a smirk from our teacher, but he hurriedly suppressed it while bobbing his head, “They have indeed. There are several factors that aid in their digestion of eucalyptus leaves without succumbing to the plant's baleful properties. The first is a part of the intestinal tract called the cecum. It contains a microbiome that allows the Koala to digest the eucalyptus. Coupled with this is an enzyme in the Koala’s liver that helps them break down the toxins. They are also capable of sniffing out the plants with the least amount of toxins, ensuring that they ingest as little as possible.”
Pausing for a breath Bernard looked back at the screen before turning to face us, another grin curling at the edges of his mouth as he continued with his explanation, “This is mostly for adult Koala’s, because while their young also possess these same adaptations, they don’t just go straight to munching through foliage right after being born. No, they need a little help making that jump and getting a stomach full of all that good gut bacteria. It’s nothing bad, but those of a sensitive stomach may wish to prepare themselves for this next part.”
Bernard’s assurances did little to assuage the concern that his warning had foisted upon us. Having been exposed to so much of the weirdness Earth had to offer everyone always ended up on edge whenever Bernard gave advice like this, even if he did say it in jest.
What strange nonsense thing do Koala pups do then? Judging by the way he’s acting it probably isn’t something as simple as drinking milk from the mother. Hmmm…
“So,” Bernard began, snapping us from our pensive stupor, “Young Koala’s, known as joeys, have a gestation period of thirty-five days on average, which is approximately forty-two paws. Once born they travel from the birth canal to a pouch in their mother so that they can continue to develop and grow. In the pouch the joey finds and latches onto one of two teats and these provide the newborn with a steady stream of nourishing milk. It spends the next six to seven months growing in the pouch, its eyes, ears, and fur all developing as time goes on.”
Okay, interesting. But this is exactly how I thought it’d go. What’s different?
The unexpected normalcy of the Koala’s birth and growth cycle had calmed everyone's nerves, only to be replaced with an air of suspicion as we waited with rapt attention for Bernard to drop the other claw and upend our expectations like he always did.
Not wanting to keep us in further suspense he forged ahead, the tempo of his voice picking up as the smile started to crease his face once more, “Now to make the switch from milk to eucalyptus, the mother also feeds the joey a substance called pap. It comes from the cecum I mentioned earlier, and contains all the gut bacteria required to help the young Koala in making the switch to eucalyptus.”
He stopped and looked around, searching us for a reaction to what I felt was a rather bland statement of fact. What was it he was saying without actually saying? Koala pups drink milk to mature and then include this pap substance so that they can start eating plants. I don’t see what-
The cecum is part of the intestine.
I blinked.
I blinked again, the intrusive interruption scouring my brain clean of any other thought bar the one it’d just implanted itself in the forefront of my mind.
Oh stars. They-
“They eat their own poop!?”
The shocked bleat shattered the peace of the room to reveal that most if not all of us had come to the same tail curling conclusion. As the hall filled with unrestrained vocalisations of disgust, an ‘Ugh’ over here and a ‘Blegh’ over there, Bernard’s own bellowing laughter joined the throng of voices.
“Ha! Everytime! Each and every time. Clearly it doesn’t matter if my students are Human or Venlil. Whenever someone learns about the Koala’s dietary development the reaction is the same!”
Pleased with himself beyond reason, Bernard chuckled away while the rest of us grappled with this ghastly reality. While there were plenty of animals that feasted on things that ranged from simply unappealing all the way to the stomach churningly grotesque, I’d never heard of an animal that actively consumed the excrement of its own species. Benefits aside, the prospect of having to do that to survive to adulthood sent a shiver of revulsion down my spine.
Ewww… Stars, I hope I forget this feeling by 2nd meal. They’re serving sturen and magamroot stew later. I was really looking forward to it.
With the herds mood beginning to temper Bernard tapped the podiums controls, removing the verdant collage of eucalyptus to display several similar yet distinct environments, still chortling merrily to himself in the process, “Ok then, with that little foray into their diet complete, why don’t we look at their habitat in more detail? As you might imagine given their diet and arboreal nature, Koala’s live in forested regions, and can be found in tropical and temperate zones. About a century ago they were classed as a vulnerable species, however efforts were made to turn this around and increase their numbers. Sadly the largest factor in their decline was human activity, as the fertile lands that gave rise to their bountiful forests were coveted farm land for our settlements.”
It was strange to hear Bernard so matter of factly admit to humanity's negative impacts on other species. He’d alluded to such things in the past but always with an air of caution, carefully pawing the line between honestly answering a question while not painting humanity as uncaring and destructive. AKA, the ‘predators’ we’d all initially expected them to be.
Perhaps his comfort in making such admissions was a reflection of the class's comfort with him, for no one so much as batted an ear. Even Kailo, who I would’ve expected to jump at the chance to use this as a prime example of predatory danger, only flicked an ear in stern yet silent concern.
A cough from Bernard drew my attention back, a new picture on screen that showed a forest from a bird's-eye view. Drawn across the image were around a dozen ringed areas, some bordering one another while others overlapped to some degree. It took me a moment, but I soon recognised that what I was looking at was a map, the rings representing what I assumed to be territories. And it didn’t take much effort to guess who each one belonged to.
“From habitats we move onto behaviours, so let’s start with territories. Koala’s are solitary animals. Yes, despite being herbivores. Considering they’re only awake for roughly four hours of the day I can hardly blame them. Lots to do and not a lot of time to do it. Jokes aside, once they mature they are quite independent, carving out a little slice of land for themselves, as displayed in this example, called a Home Range. That is not to say they go it alone and leave everything else behind however. Rather, as shown in the map behind me, they live in their own space while still being part of a larger social group.”
With another press of his pad the picture was updated to show one of two symbols in each segment, along with a key to the side of the map displayed in helpful Venlang. A quick glance told me that the symbols were representing whether the territory belonged to a male or female of the species.
“As you can see there is quite a bit of overlap between different Koala’s territories. It is in these areas that most of the socialising takes place between neighbours. The trees in these locations represent the few areas where intrusion across territories is acceptable for the sake of social interaction. Outside of that the Koala’s stick to their own territories for the most part, with the exceptions of Koala’s who are passing through, attempting to become part of the social group themselves, or dominant males who sometimes go off into another Koala’s range. But how do they know where one range begins and another range ends you might ask? Well, this brings us onto the next part of the lecture. How do Koala’s communicate?”
Wiping away the map from the monitor, Bernard loaded up a video of a Koala sitting in a tree and pressed play. Head held high, the Koala’s body shook as it belted out a reverberating call into the wilderness that could only be described as a garbled combination of a car engine failing to turn over mixed with the hiccups of someone with a particularly sore throat.
That’s how they sound? Oof that must be rough on the lungs.
I clearly wasn’t the only one to share such a thought, because I clocked Sandi tracing a paw along her neck as the noise went on, ears fluttering in discomfort at the noise.
Bernard himself cleared his own throat as the video came to an end, minimising it and replacing it with another image of a tree with a Koala rubbing up against the bark, “I think they’ve got me beat on who’s got the deeper voice!”
His joke garnered several amused beeps, a rare reaction that caused a beaming smile to shine across his face at lighting speed, “Oh you’re too kind. I’ll be here all week. Now where were we? Oh yes! Communication. As you’ve just heard, Koala’s are capable of loud low pitched bellows that can carry over vast distances. These express everything from ‘Hello I’m over here’ to ‘This is my turf, stay away’. Bellowing is more common in the males than the females, opting for shouting matches as opposed to outright fights when it comes to asserting dominance. Other vocal expressions include grunts, wails, and snarls if they’re acting particularly angsty. Mother and joey pairs also communicate through gentle clicking, squeaking, and murmuring sounds. And there’s one more thing worth mentioning. Something they have in common with Humans and Venlil when it comes to emoting.”
Really? They do something we do?
Curious, I pressed myself against the desk, straining as close as I could to once more scrutinise the Koala’s features. Not a lot stood out to me at first, the grey marsupial not sharing many similarities with a Venlil that I could identify.
Ok think. We show emotion with our ears, tails, and our wool on occasion. They don’t have tails so it’s obviously not that. Wool standing on end is more a reaction than a conscious expression. So it must be the ears then.
To my quiet satisfaction, my hunch was soon validated by Bernard, “As well as their vocalisations, Koala’s are very emotive through their facial features. Just like humans, they use their mouths and lips to show how they feel, but these tend more towards the aggressive side of the scale than what you might see on a human. Regarding yourselves however, Koala’s utilise their ears in tandem with their mouth movements when showing strong emotion.”
I was delighted to hear that my assumption was correct, a little happy flick twisting out through my tail and bapping against my chair with a muted thump against the plastic.
Hehe yes! Got one right!
“Now then, we are getting close to lunchtime so I’ll finish this segment off with something I think you’ll find particularly interesting. Diplomacy.”
Perplexed mutterings followed in the wake of the bizarre inclusion to the lecture, my own thoughts being dominated by bewilderment as I tried and failed to make sense of how the two could possibly be related.
Why would Koala’s, or any animal for that matter, be linked to diplomacy? Hmmm...
I could understand dispatching exterminators to deal with a predator issue as a show of goodwill, that at least includes animals, but Humans aren’t like that so I think I can safely scratch that off the list.
Maybe the humans who live in that region benefited from Koala’s in some way. Could they have gotten something from them? But what?
Hopefully not what the pups get from their mothers.
Agh no! Begone awful intrusive thoughts. Blegh! I don’t need that in my head.
As I wrestled with the short-lived revulsion inflicted upon me by my Star's damned subconscious, Bernard placed a new image on screen, one that was decidedly different from all that had preceded it.
On screen were more than a couple dozen pictures of humans. Some were pictured alone while others congregated in large groups while cameras surrounded them from all angles. Across all the images, I noted two common themes. First of all, a solid majority of the humans were wearing formal wear similar to what I’d seen worn by UN representatives on TV. If the gaggle of journalists in the background of the photos didn’t already confirm my suspicions, then it was this similarity which made me conclude they were all people of some importance. Likely politicians judging from context clues.
Secondly, each of the individuals was interacting with a Koala in some form. Some cradled one against their chests while others were feeding it eucalyptus leaves or pellets of some kind. One of the assumed politicians had become an impromptu bed for a snoozing bundle of fur, a gleeful smile spread across their face as they lovingly gazed down at the sleeping Koala in their lap.
As I continued to stare at the assorted photos something clicked into place, a sudden spark flickering into life. A burgeoning light of comprehension that flared and swelled with every wide-eyed breath I took. Some things still escaped me, things I hoped would soon be explained, but in staring at all of the humans happy smiling faces, I was struck with an instant of pure understanding.
If someone, say a Nevok for instance, offered to gift me a creature that was common to them but which might exotic and breathtaking to a Venlil, how could my feelings not be swayed? How could I walk away from that encounter and not have grown closer to them as a result?
“Koala diplomacy,” Bernard waved his hand up at the monitor, a slight reverence in his tone, “My favourite kind of soft power diplomacy. Where political leaders take photo ops with Koala’s and, on occasion, the Australian government loans Koala’s to other nations for a time to bolster positive relations. It certainly helps that Koala’s are a beloved animal worldwide, drawing large crowds and revenue for countries fortunate enough to host the adorable critters.”
The truly alien concept predictably sparked instant discussion in the herd, two polar opposite schools of thought swiftly cementing themselves as the most popular opinions. Simultaneously, I heard one voice trill excitedly while another scoffed at what they clearly saw as a ridiculous and offensive notion.
“Squee! That’d be so cool! I’d love to get the chance to see a Liri from Coila. Remember the Rainbow Boa? Think of that shimmering effect and colour but put it on a bird! Ah! I’ve only heard their song on video. It’d be a treat to hear it in person!”
Ooo! I’ve read about them! I’d love to get up close to one.
“Loaning. As if animals are property to be hoarded and traded? Pugh! Another predatory trait the humans don’t want to acknowledge for what it is.”
Ugh, typical. Jump right to the worst possible option.
However, despite my dismissal of their disparaging fumings, an uncomfortable thought pressed upon my mind. While it was plain to see how much humans cared for the Koala, it didn’t change the fact that humans did keep animals as property just as the scornful herd member had said.
This begged a rather important, disquieting question. Aside from keeping some animals as cattle, a stomach tightening minefield I had no desire to step a claw onto right now, how else did humans keep other creatures. And how did they treat them?
Before I was fully conscious of doing it my paw was in the air, the question primed on my tongue.
Noticing my elevated paw Bernard pointed at me, smiling warmly, “Yes Rysel? What’s on your mind?”
Sorry Bernard. I hope this one’s not too awkward for you to answer.
Flicking my ear in appreciation, and waiting for everyone to settle enough so that I could be heard, I voiced my concerns as neutrally as possible, “Thank you Doctor. I uh, just had a thought. We know that humans keep certain animals for… particular reasons, and we know why. From how you’ve spoken about Koala’s I think it's fair to say that the same cannot be said for them. However, this makes me wonder, what other reasons do humans have for keeping animals and how do you treat them?”
A flash of surprise blinked across Bernard's eyes but vanished so quickly that it felt like I’d imagined it. Had he not expected such a question? Maybe he was just shocked that it’d been me who’d ended up asking it?
Stars, am I so predictable that no one expects me to ask difficult questions?
Unfortunately, a quick glance at my deskmates seemed to prove that to be the case, as both Sandi and Kailo were looking at me with differing degrees of astonishment flapping in their ears.
Well speh.
“A very good point Rysel, certainly one that’s worth raising. Yet another example of you all anticipating what I have to say before I can bring it up myself.” Bernard tapped the podium, switching off the monitor before returning his focus to me, “We won’t be needing that. I’ve nothing prepared that I can show you and we’re heading to lunch in a few minutes anyway. Still, that’s plenty of time to give you a bit of an answer.”
A bit? What does he mean just a bit?
Made even more curious by Bernard's preempted admission that he wasn’t going to fully answer my query, I dialled both my ears on him, fixing him with an inquisitive stare as he started to explain with a tone that was noticeably more nonchalant than any of his previous explanations.
“So, animals in captivity for reasons other than what you already know. Honestly I would love to delve into other reasons regarding why we keep animals. However, I have a lesson plan in the works that I hope to share with you all in the not too distant future. Some of it touches upon this very topic and I’d quite like to bundle it all together. That said, I can tell you how animals in captivity are treated. In short, the answer is very well. There are a mountain of laws both on private and public interests that govern the standards and ethical treatment of animals, and breaches of these laws are quite severe even for relatively minor infractions.”
While I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by the vague answer to what was really the bulk of my question, I was at least satisfied by Bernard’s assurances that animals in captivity, such as the Koala, were well looked after. Considering the barely subdued grumbling coming from some corners of the audience it was clear that several of the herd didn’t believe Bernard outright, but I trusted him to be honest. Additionally, the mention of an upcoming lecture focused on humans keeping animals caused quite the buzz.
I felt a mix of excitement and trepidation at exploring the topic further. He’d pretty much confirmed we wouldn’t be talking about cattle farms, for which I was relieved, but that still left a huge amount of uncertainty in what was to come.
Humans keeping animals as cattle was a forgone conclusion. As horrifying as that reality was, it was one I could understand from a detached and strictly clinical point of view. Being predators they ate meat and therefore they kept cattle. But the concept of keeping animals for any other reason baffled me.
What could be the purpose? The diplomacy thing makes sense now that I have context, but what other reasons could they have.
The class's discussions were interrupted by the recognisable ring of the break bell, the shift in attention eliciting a change in conversation from confused hypotheses to peppy conversation on how everyone was planning to spend their break and what they had in mind for 2nd meal.
“Well I can see everyone’s excited for lunch, and who am I to disappoint,” chuckling Bernard waved us all up from our seats, pocketing his pad from the podium and heading to open the classroom door for us, “Enjoy your break, get a good rest along with a hearty meal, and I’ll see you all back here at the usual time.”
As everyone else filed out I stayed behind, waving at Sandi and Kailo as they left, and pawing over to Bernard once he and I were the only ones left in the room.
Ears folded down and with an apologetic tinge in my voice I greeted him as I sidled up to him, “Hey Bernard, I uh… sorry if that last question was unexpected.”
Chortling in reply, Bernard waved a hand through the air in a sign I’d come to understand meant ‘not a problem’.
“No need to apologise Rysel. It was a good question and most certainly not a problem.”
Heh, called it.
I sighed, allowing tension I didn’t realise I’d been holding to relax itself from my shoulders, “Phew, that’s a relief. I’m glad. I’m curious to hear what this new lesson is you’ve got in store for us by the way.”
Bernard wagged a finger at me, throwing up his eyebrows in mock amazement, “Oh are you now? Well I’m afraid you’ll have to remain curious for the time being. It’s going to be quite the surprise if all goes to plan. But…”
He trailed off, glancing at me before looking to the door like he was making sure no one else was around.
Wait, is he going to tell me? Oh please yes let me know now!
Stopping myself from jumping on the spot in excited anticipation, and trying my damndest to stop my tail from wagging in equal measure, I stared up at Bernard as he stewed in his thoughts before turning back to face me.
“I can’t tell you the specifics, but I’m working with Alejandro and Tolim to get something together. A trip that’s not a trip as it were. And when it happens, I’m going to need a few of the more accepting members of the class to lend me a hand. I’m hoping you and a couple others will be able to help with that?”
A trip that’s not a trip? What does that mean? Agh who cares about that right now! Bernard’s relying on me to help out!
Still trying not to keep myself from bouncing around with pup like glee I swished my tail and nodded my head in joint agreement, happy to help with whatever Bernard had in store for us, “Of course! Anything you need I’ll be there to lend a paw. You can count on me!”
A broad warm smile lit up Bernard's face, a hand patting me on the shoulder in appreciation, “Thank you Rysel. I knew I could rely on you but it still warms my heart to hear it. And, as thanks for this and for the many times you’ve shown your support, the surprise includes a little something special I think you’d appreciate the most.”
If my earlier enthusiasm had been at a nine, then the implication of a supposed gift sent it rocketing all the way to a hundred in a heartbeat.
“Wait… WHAT!? What do you mean? What are you doing?”
As impossible as it seemed, Bernard's grin grew even wider as I almost lost myself in wool shaking exhilaration, “Call it my own form of Koala diplomacy. But I’m afraid that’s all I can say for now. Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise even for you!”
“Oh you ass!” Whistling jovially I bapped my tail against Bernard’s leg in fake indignation, evoking a barking bellowing laugh from the man himself.
Still laughing, the two of us departed the class and made for the canteen, my rumbling stomach leading me on while my mind spun with fantastical thoughts as to what Bernard had prepared for us.
And what specifically he had in store for me.

Okay fellow humans, I’m kind of at a crossroads here and I need some advice… So lately some stuff went down with my roommate and her boyfriend and on a night of drinking she showed me and my boyfriend the screenshots of the conversations between her boyfriend and another female(s). I saw some things like “you get me soaked” and him calling her baby which honestly made my red flag radar start going off. I didn’t really pay attention to the time stamps or when the conversation happened but all I know is that if you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be talking to other people like that, and I told my roommate those exact words. She also went to my boyfriend to talk about it as well and I’m pretty sure he told her the same thing. After that we continued having a good time together and went on with the night having fun as a little family. The next day (Mothers Day) my boyfriend and I were leaving to go see our beloved mamas, as I was walking out the door my roommates boyfriend stopped me to talk to me about last night. He looked at me and started with “First I want to clarify that those screenshots she showed you were old and happened before we started dating, she likes to show stuff like that when she’s drunk.” I was honestly speechless… the questions running through my head in that moment were “why are you trying to justify yourself with me right now?” And “If you already talked about it before with her why are you trying to talk to me?” Of course I didn’t ask those out loud but I just kind of gave him a glare, and I said “alright man” and walked out the door, mind you when he told me that his body language was off and fidgety AND she has never even showed us stuff like that before the previous times we got drunk together. When my roommate and her boyfriend talked about the screenshots… he said he was doing it for “money” because they were in a tight spot, at the time both of them were unemployed. But I smelt total bullshit with that excuse. There’s other ways to get money in a more honest way, I know getting hired and finding a new job is hard but talking to other women who aren’t even sugar mama age is a little sketchy to me, don’t you think? My boyfriend and I honestly were getting restless about the whole situation because we had a strong feeling he was lying right to her and our face. Later we came back home from the domains of our lovely mothers, I didn’t really want to talk to my roommates boyfriend so I went straight upstairs to take a shower while my boyfriend conversed with them downstairs. From what my boyfriend explained to me, he talked to them about the situation and they were allegedly on good terms and roommates boyfriend deleted/blocked all the girls he was talking to, he even let my boyfriend look through his phone to show proof. But there was more evidence of one more girl in his phone that wasn’t deleted, a girl under the name “Fggt😁😁” my boyfriend found a text from him to her saying “Be mine😍😍😍😍” HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL YOUR GIRL YOU BLOCKED EVERYONE AND STILL HAVE ONE LEFT?! The date of the text was from April 15, 2023… My roommate and her boyfriend have been together for the past 3 years… ummmm RED FLAG. My boyfriend didn’t say anything about what he found and handed the phone back. Later that week my boyfriend and I planned on talking to my roommate alone when her boyfriend was at work, and that’s what we did. About two or three days ago we pulled her outside to express our concerns, my boyfriend and I have both been in relationships with shitty people so we know how it feels to be cheated on so it was with good intentions and we were just trying to look out for her. My boyfriend told her to just keep an eye out and proceed with caution. I’m a very straightforward person with my feelings so I told her something similar but I also told her that I don’t really trust him anymore and that he might keep this behavior up and get sloppy about it in the future.. When we came back inside we again clarified that we are watching out for her and we are on her side. We also told her that if shit hits the fan with her relationship, we will be on her side 100% she was willing to listen to us and respected our opinion which we were grateful for. But then yesterday or maybe the day before I’m not too sure cause my perception of time sucks, me, my boyfriend, our best friend, and my roommates little brother were all having a good time drawing really stupid pictures of each other on the fridge, as a JOKE. Then my roommate and her boyfriend came downstairs and the vibe in the room totally shifted to complete tension, her boyfriend was visibly upset or irritated, standing in the corner with his arms crossed and just glaring at us (me, bf, best friend). We looked at him and tried showing him the drawing of him to get a laugh out of him but he was just stone face and not happy at all. We tried asking him what’s wrong but all we got was the silent treatment, which we didn’t really care. But he was being salty which ruined the vibe in the room so my boyfriend and I just went upstairs cause we didn’t want to be around a sourpuss. We didn’t know why he was upset, but my boyfriend and I assumed that our roommate told him about what we said to her and now he’s mad about it. Was it wrong to express or worry to her? Are we the as*holes for not wanting our friend to get hurt? I need some advice. What do ya’ll think about this??

Welcome to the Peanut Gallery! Today, I remembered to update! This is apprentice Lara filling in for the master thestoryteller987 with hopes for good health and a swift return! Sorry about the week's absents, it's been very busy over here in Laratown with so many thing happening I've barely had time to say ISW let alone read it. Without further nonsense though, (other than from Russian milbloggers) lets go! Remember I know less than nothing.

Ukrainian sources indicated that Russian forces are concentrating limited, understaffed, and incohesive forces in the Sumy direction, but even such a Russian grouping of forces will be able to achieve the likely desired effect of drawing and fixing Ukrainian forces in the international border area

Ukraine stands strong. But Ukraine also is stretched like a rubber band right now. Push in the wrong place, and things will snap. On the bright side of this, it genuinely looks like Russia is stretching themselves, too. Note how ISW states that the forces are drawn from other areas, so yes, Ukraine is spending manpower being fixed in the border area, however, by the same token if Ukraine can manage a breakthrough, other areas are seriously going to feel a hard punch. Something to keep an eye on and I suppose western weapons will be the big tell here, what will arrive first?

Kremlin officials expressed their condolences to senior Iranian officials following the announcement of Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi's and Foreign Affairs Minister Hossein Amir Abdollahian's deaths on May 20

I am sorry for any children, wives and family these people left behind. Not so sad to see them past on, being no more, ceasing to be. expiring and going to meet its maker. Running down the curtain pole and meeting the choir invisible. Maybe there will be daieies. TLDR, They are x parrots.

Russian President Vladimir Putin fired Russian Deputy Defense Minister Colonel General Yury Sadovenko on May 20, replacing him with former Deputy Economic Minister and current Federation Council Accounts Chamber Auditor Oleg Savelyev

A mixture of booting out loyalists who are loyal to Shoigu and replacing them with people who can slow down the utter train wreckof the Russian Economy. Putin wants to get as close to a war time econoomy without putting the country on a war time economy. Because, as you know, it's not a war. It's a 3 day special operation.

Putin also dismissed Presidential Advisor Alexandra Levitskaya on May 20, but the reason for Levitskaya’s dismissal is unclear.

Rumour has it Levitskaya sneezed during a Putin speech just at the point where Putin was saying an important part about goods and the follow up "bless you" was taken as patronising.

US Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin reiterated the White House's unwillingness to approve Ukraine's use of US-provided weapons in strikes against military targets in Russia following a meeting of the Ukraine Defense Contact Group (also known as the Ramstein format) on May 20

Once again, the US is dragging its boots. Seriously, guys! You're giving them bucket loads of democracy and freedom, just let them deliver some liberty to Russia!
There was an intersting quote here though:

Austin vaguely noted that "the aerial dynamic is a little bit different," but stated that he would not speculate further.

So I will. I see this as being taken in three ways: 1: The fabled f16's. Is this Austin's way of subtley giving the nod that Ukraine can pursue Russian planes over the border? 2: does it mean Ukraine could use f16's to strike over the border? 3: does it mean Ukraine could shoot down fighter's in russia? IE if a Russian fighter fires a missile from Russia's side of the border, is Ukraine within its right to shoot down said fighter from their side?
All interesting questions!

Estonian Prime Minister Kaja Kallas stated that some unspecified countries, presumably NATO member states, have already sent personnel to train Ukrainian soldiers "on the ground."

The Baltic's have balls. This is a direct fuck you daddy Putin. this in direct alignment with more an more rumours floating through the EU that actually they might lift the embargo on Ukraine striking within Russia. Both the UK and France are talkking about it, and we never agree about anything!

Russian Security Council Deputy Chairperson Dmitry Medvedev amplified a known Russian information operation aimed at directly undermining Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky's legitimacy as president.

Why is Medvedev still talking? How is he still talking?
Anyway, Medvedev is saying that the last Ukrainian election should have been in March 2024. Technically true, however in Ukraine's constitution it states that under times of marshal law, the term of the president mayy be extended. So, according to ISW at least, Medvedev is once again doing what he does best.
Talkin' shit, talkin' shit.

Russian forces recently made confirmed advances near Vovchansk, Chasiv Yar, Avdiivka, and Donetsk City and in western Zaporizhia Oblast and the Dnipro River Delta.

Unfortunate pushes forward. Ukraine is giving ground, but slowly and carefully. I fully still believe the second Ukraine is ready, she'll sweep Russia right back into their own border and fire a storm shadow up their ass for good measure.
I do actually have some maps now, not sure if they have the level of detail I need (they are maps of Europe in 4 volumes) but if not I'll order the rest.

Russian opposition outlet Vazhnye Istorii (iStories) reported that Russian military authorities and Kazakh law enforcement acting on Russian orders detained at least two more servicemen in Kazakhstan who had deserted from the Russian military.

Poor guys.
This is why you don't flee Russia by running to a Russian puppet state. Duh.
‘Q’ for the Community:

• Austin's vaguery about air targets. What do you think he is talking about?

• Join the conversation on /TheNuttySpectacle!

Hi! I was recently diagnosed by my doctor after routine blood work with type 1 diabetes. I am questioning this diagnosis and am looking for some insight from people more experienced than me, because I feel that my doctor is not taking my questions seriously.
I got my fasting blood draw done for my routine physical last week, a1c was at 11, blood sugar was at 285. I am aware and fully accept that this indicates diabetes. I have a family history of type 2 on both sides of my family, probably about half of my adult family members on both sides, so honestly I was expecting it to come up at some point. I am 23 years old, and work a very active job at an animal shelter cleaning kennels, walking dogs, and assisting with lifting animals for surgeries. I am a bit overweight but not obese, I used to be but 3 years ago switched birth controls and have lost weight slowly and steadily since.
When my doctor called Monday with results, she asked some questions:
"Do you drink a lot of water or stay thirsty a lot?" "No"
"How often do you get up to use the bathroom at night?" "Usually once, sometimes not at all"
"Have you lost weight?" "Yes, 60 pounds over the last 3 years after switching birth control, only like 10 pounds the past year though."
She then said that she is diagnosing me with type 1 diabetes. I asked for an in person appointment to discuss my treatment options and she made me one with a different provider as her schedule was full.
A few hours later, she texted to let me know she had sent me in an insulin prescription. I looked and she had prescribed 30 units a day (5 fast acting for each meal, 15 long acting at night) which I felt like was a lot.
I did some googling in the meantime and felt like I didn't have any of the symptoms really. I also talked to a coworker who is type one and she advised me to hold off on the insulin until speaking to an endocrinologist since I feel fine. I decided to ask about the test for markers to determine the type I have since I have a big family history of type 2.
I went to my appointment with the second doctor that afternoon. I asked him about the test for markers and he said he had never heard of it. He looked up what it was in front of me and decided to order it. He also ordered another fasting blood draw for glucose levels and a1c. When I asked him why they thought it was type 1, he said "it can't be type 2 because you're not obese" which from what I've read is incorrect. I had him send me a referral to an endocrinologist. And he gave me a glucose tester with instructions to track my levels. He seemed to think I was in denial about having diabetes, kept saying "you definitely have it" which I'm not denying I just want to know for sure what type. I also asked why start me out on so much insulin instead of going into diet/exercise details or trying oral medication and his response was "that's a good point".
Does this seem normal? I feel that my doctors thus far have not seemed very knowledgeable about the disease from what I have been researching on my own. I am definitely planning on a second opinion from an endocrinologist either way. Thanks!

Hi all! I wanted to share a funny series of events from me and my friend's DnD campaign. We're a good sized group; seven in total (including the DM). We've just finished our 8th session and we're playing through the Curse of Strahd.
None of us have played through a whole campaign before and only three of us have played some form of Dnd, being the DM, me (Elven FighteRogue) and our Tiefling Paladin (who is obsessed with BG3).
It was our third session and we'd been exploring the "Death House", though we decided to explore it in the most awkward. Way. Possible. Much to our DM's frustration.
First thing we did was go all the way upstairs.
For some character context, my character is from a noble family and the other players don't actually know his specific race, other than the Paladin and Bard, a Goblin-raised Human (who is my character's rival/love interest) as we have made some above-table plans.
Anyway, my character was the first to climb the stairs. The Bard decided to push my character out of the way so he could get there first, and my character pushed back because he's not gonna take that. This resulted in the two scuffling on the stairs until the Paladin pushed past them, with the Dragonborn Ranger and Gobin Cleric following close behind.
(This was before our sixth party member's first session.)
My character decided it's not worth it and went back downstairs.
The rest of the party got to the third floor, and found a suit of armour, when the Paladin brushed off some dust. This triggered combat that we were very unprepared for, and the Bard shrieked, which brought my character back upstairs in time to perform a sneak attack.
After we somehow survived the fight, we went back downstairs to the ground floor. We destroyed the cupboard with the health potions we were meant to find earlier (we smashed half of them) and I tried to take all three crossbows that were available even though my character could not carry one of them, largely just because OOC I didn't want the Paladin's player to get them for a platonic sibling rivalry reason, which led to the events that happened later on in the next session.
We eventually made it to the attic, somehow bypassing all the lore the DM had planned, and reached the basement without exploring the first or second floors.
We made it to the servants' quarters in the basement where we met our sixth party member (a Human Warlock), who hadn't played before and stayed quiet for most of the session. My character and hers only said their names to each other.
The Paladin, Bard and I went searching for loot in separate rooms while the Ranger and Cleric decided to check out the well. The Ranger was able to get the bucket off the pulley, and the Cleric volunteered to sit in it and be sent down. The DM kept trying to take their attention away from the well, but the Ranger's player accused her of keeping secrets and continued to send the Cleric down. The DM was sort of laugh-crying at this point.
Meanwhile, my character was searching through chests in the bedrooms. I found a coin pouch made of human skin, and the Paladin decided to grab him and started to DRAG him TO THE WELL. Obviously, I started to panic. I made a strength check to try and wriggle my way out, but the Bard decided TO HELP HER. So I failed my strength check. I tried again, but ended up failing that too, even without the Bard's interference. I tried to persuade the Paladin to let my character go, when the Cleric, who was already halfway down the well at this point, decided to yell up "I'll wave at you on your way down!"
At this point, my voice had gone up three octaves and I was actively trying to keep my guy alive and stay in character while I did it, which was hard bc I hadn't entirely figured him out yet, and also because the Paladin was trying to THROW HIM IN A WELL.
Eventually, I offered to pay her to NOT throw me in a well, to which she stopped and said "Give me the skin pouch."
For some reason. That sibling rivalry came back.
Instead of just giving it to her, I refused and she started dragging me to the well again. I freaked out again and started pleading with her, which she refused. The Bard and Ranger both told me to just give it to her. The Paladin reaches to pick my character up and I quickly changed my mind and said I'd give it to her, but asked if we could split the coin inside it.
I genuinely do not know why I did that.
She stopped and with a straight face said "Oh yeah, I don't care about the money, I just want the pouch."
My jaw dropped. Both me and my character yelled "That's all you wanted? The skin pouch!?" and she just replied "yeah, it's human skin?" like it was an obvious thing to want.
I gave it to her empty, while the Bard called me a rich boy or something, and my character kind of just collapsed from the stress.
The Cleric came back out of the well in a bucket full of "Goblin water", which he then tried to throw on my character. I dodged it, but the Bard saw that there was some left and successfully drenched my poor FighteRogue.
The Warlock then decided she wanted to try dry him.
So she hits with him Eldritch Blast.
Obviously, that's not how that works, so my poor, stressed, drenched Elf is not only mildly scared of the Paladin, but now also the Warlock, and is now hurt (I took 9 hit points).
We spent an hour at that well. The session ended about ten minutes later after fighting, killing and then havesting a Grick. (The Paladin ate the Grick meat next session and got poisoned, despite having normal rations. But not before she tried to keep said Grick as a pet.)
The sessions since have been the same level of chaos, but we're all clearly more comfortable with our characters so it's far more consistent. Hope you enjoyed this retelling as much as I have. I'm going to finish drawing up the comic of our game at some point so I'll hopefully have more wacky adventures to share.