Saying goodbye to a coworker quotes

Please be kind, I feel a bit delusioned because I crushed heavily on my male coworker.
We started at this facility around September and always chatted about work stuff. We worked at the same previous facility but didn't cross paths because he went to higher acuity by the time I started. Because we knew all of the same people, we went down a rabbit hole talking about them and drawing on similar experiences during our orientation. It always struck me how observant and perceptive he was. Kinda scary his opinions on people always aligned with mine but we sadly didn't talk enough to open up about personal lives. He seems like a very respectful dude.
By the time I developed a proper crush on him, our orientation ended so I went to nights and he stayed on days. I decided to let it happen naturally even though we barely saw each other at this point. I casually brought up an upcoming, major union meeting. He told me "I'll go with you if you want. I have your number, I'll text you. We can figure out a time that works with days/nights." This was a month out from the meeting. A few days before the meeting I followed up with him through text and he sounded dodgy. I was super bummed. He said he needed to get an oil change so maybe the 4 pm hopefully. It didn't sound concrete so I backed off and said "no worries, I'll just go to the 8 am."
In person, he never mentioned the union meeting or our text messages. But he was cordial and always said hi. I took report from him around this time on a patient and his phone rang during the midst of it. He picked up and answered to them "I don't know. I'm at work rn." He sounded curt. He went right back into report without saying excuse me or anything. His phone rang another two times during report and he silenced them. I had a strong feeling this was a girlfriend or someone he was dating. Days later, one of my close coworkers told me he mentioned his "girl" in a casual conversation. He never once disclosed about a girlfriend to me but we had more rapport from working together than he did with this other coworker. So I wonder if he knew I had a crush or peeped him, got serious with someone in that short time, and then felt awkward talking about it in front of me?
It's been two ish months since that happened. He's been respectful.
I recently had my hair done (a noticeably different color job), and all of my male coworkers (whether taken or single) told me it looked nice in a platonic way. He strangely was the only one who didn't. Even RTs who barely knew me stopped to tell me the new hair looked good. I wonder if he avoided it or wanted to stay professional because he knew he gave me the wrong idea before or maybe he at one point did notice me?
Then just recently, he gave me report on a spiraling patient. Change of shift was a bit chaotic but I told him I got it from here. He texted me later around 10 pm (no text between us since the union meeting exchange)
"Sorry for bothering you hope you're not bubsy but I was just asking if *patient info* is okay, I been stressing since I left lmao"
me: Aww don't stress, she's doing fine and her family spent some time. She's sleeping quite deely now. You did most of the heavy lifting
coworker: Okay good thank you! It's a team effort
me: no worries, get rest!
That was the end of it. I figured he would never text me or give me any reason to wonder after the union meeting incident. I imagine he felt bad for not following through with offering to go. I know he still kept it professional in these texts and it wasn't anything suggestive.
I spoke to all of my close friends, some of them male/female couples and they said the relationship he has is still young and that he may have once noticed me but didn't act on it. They said, for my own benefit, it wouldn't hurt to talk to him and just tell him something along the lines of "hey, I really like you but I know you're with someone. If you're ever available, we could get to know each other more." I feel like this is crazy and would make him uncomfortable. Plus he doesn't seem like the type of guy to disrespect his partner. They said if I really like him and think we're compatible this might be the only time frame to get away with this because he just got into a relationship.. otherwise it'll be too late. I don't know how to squash this crush. I haven't liked someone in this long. I don't have a problem landing dates or meeting people but they all seem so lame compared to him.
Asking fellow nurses because maybe normal subreddits wouldn't understand the details about work.
FYI, I don't care for the "don't shit where you eat mentality" I see plenty of nurses working out and in 5 years, I've worked at 4 different facilities. I never stay at one place over a year and a half.

I posted a while back, I lost my wife and my mom all within 2 days back in November. This may turn into a vent more than anything, I just need to get it out.
Just recently, I lost my father-in-law to a sudden disease that showed no signs of what it was until the beginning of last month. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to him. I was planning on taking my kids out to go see him on the weekend as they had to transfer him 4 hours away to get him the support he needed. He passed right before that was even possible.
I feel bad I wasn’t even able to get the kids out there to see him, there already has been so much loss for the kids and myself, extended family is almost non-existent (never been involved in my life) and when I needed friends they were nowhere to be found.
At the end of this school year, my dad is wanting to pull back from being an active grandparent in their lives, so now I need to find full daycare for this summer and moving forward. My mother-in-law can’t help because she lives a few hours away, so it’s just down to me and the kids.
With all of this, it just feels like I’m losing everything.

Delete if not allowed, looking for some male perspective if anyone is willing to weigh in.
I’m a 35F dating 35M for 9 months. Normal, calm relationship all things considered, as we get along quite well. Worth mentioning, though, that at 2 months and 4 months he briefly pulled back a little because he got panicked about his budding feelings (his words). When he did it at the 4 month mark he went quiet for about a week. No issues like that the past 4 months. Most I would expect to not hear from him is 1 day; totally fine, he likes his space and respecting that has never been an issue.
Last week, we had a really nice day where he talked a bit more than usual about his feelings and what he sees in our future. I was of course quite happy to hear it. Normal communication the few days following that. I last saw him on Tuesday and he seemed stressed. Asked if it was work(“yes”) and if we are okay, to which he said we are great; kissed goodbye and headed home, business as usual. Didn’t hear from him the rest of that night, talked briefly over text the next day. Didn’t think anything of it.
However, he now has not read my texts in 72 hours and I haven’t heard from him either. 3 days is out of character. He’s online, so I know he’s safe. I sent maybe two texts in the last 72 hours that were normal (“how’s your day?” And “wanna hang out tonight?”) but I’ve sent nothing since Friday night as I don’t want to be a pest…but I also don’t want him to think I don’t care he’s not talking to me. My concern is the feelings talk got him “panicked” like it did in the past and he’s pulling away. I just don’t want to say or do anything to upset him.
TL;DR - if there was no fighting but you’re clearly not reading someone’s texts or replying, would you want to be left alone or for the person to ask what’s going on?

I don't know if this kind of posts is allowed here, but since you guys were always so nice to me, I wanted to celebrate my birthday with you (virtually)...
Btw, I'm 25 yo now, and guess what, I don't feel any difference in my body. 1 year does nothing to me. 1 decade actually improved me (trust me, I look way better now than when I was 15)... Ok, that sounded a bit narcissistic, but you know, that's not my intention...
My sister told me I look 10 years younger than my current age. I don't want to show off, but I just started to think I might have some blessed genetics...
I had read horror stories about some guys who suffered twink death at a younger age than me (they were femboys and stopped being one after suffering twink death), and it really saddened me to see that...
My body is not perfect and flawless, by no means, but I can always improve. Today, I'm not only going to celebrate my birthday, but I also want to remind you guys, that every single one of you is unique and special.
You might be going through a rough time, you might not like the way you look, but you can always improve. Everything has a solution, no matter how hard it is...
How did I turn a birthday post into a reflexive one? I have no idea, but I just wanted to leave a positive message to all my dear femboys who are going through a hard time. Don't give up, it's never too late to improve, everything is gonna be alright, I believe in you...
I know how it feels to be there, because I used to be fat. But thanks to my diet and workout routine, I improved over the years, and now I can say, I have a twink body...
Sorry if I sounded too cringe, but I just wanted to make my birthday post here as something special, not just a generic one talking about myself, but one caring about others.
To be honest, I was doubting about sharing this post, I had to change a lot of things, add other things, and... It doesn't matter, full send this time! No backing off! Thanks for taking your time reading this. Anyway, goodbye... :3

I am a high functioning extrovert and I need fun and laughter in my life.
Most of my life is dedicated to my work and so naturally I spend most of my time with my collegues. But I don't like just sitting down and working so I keep cracking jokes every chance I get. I crack a lot of "that's what she said" jokes and and anytime someone says "it's too small" I immediately counter with "size doesn't matter". But it seems I am not respected by my coworkers because of this habit.
I know I am not immature. I had to mature up very fast during my teenage when I was abandoned by my father and I had to figure out my own expenses just to survive.
I don't go around bragging about my past. But I do want people to see me as a mature person. And it seems that because I crack these jokes I am looked at as a clown.
Should I stop cracking jokes and become a mundane office worker. Who comes in, works and goes home just to get a little respect from people.

This might be a slightly philosophical post. But the aim is to get to the bottom of what you should be truly doing. To truly get the most results.
There seems to be a MASSIVE amount of conflicting information online about how to do this.
“Do stuff that moves the needle forward”
“Do stuff that brings in revenue”
What does this truly mean though. And is it even the right thing. That’s the purpose of this post, to uncover.
When I’ve spent my time on actual needle-moving forward things, like taking business from 0 to revenue, doing all offer development, operations, sales process, marketing myself, it generally has taken me about 6 months to fully ‘try out’ a business idea I’ve had.
Most times it hasn’t worked.
Either it wasn’t profitable. Or there was a big problem somewhere.
I believe fundamentally it’s because I’m moving too slow.
Because it usually takes me around 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential.
When you haven’t sold it or developed expertise in it yourself yet.
And I would say about 5% of the time it does work.
So if it takes 6 months and only 5% of the time it works (where you bring in revenue, no major issues), and each time it doesn’t work you try a new variation of it or something new based on what you learned, then it might take 10 years of trying different things to get the business to work.
Which sounds like it takes way too long.
So I thought about how the top companies move much quicker.
What separates them and my strategy.
And realized they simply had much more people on their team.
If you think about any successful organization who has achieved great things, and is world-leading, usually there is not 1 person on the team.
There seems to be a correlation between number of people on the team and speed of progress they can make in business.
Which goes against what most conventional startup wisdom tells you, most small business content creators etc all tell you to do it all yourself.
Which I’ve done for quite a few years and it’s gone so slowly in terms of overall progress.
If you should ‘do everything yourself’ then most Fortune 500 companies would’ve had single founders, and 1 person on their team. But the vast majority of successful Fortune 500 companies had co-founders.
And most successful businesses I know of, had co-founders.
And as they succeeded, they got more people on the team, and these people helped bring more success, then they brought more people.
Obviously there can be bad staff and not everyone contributes to the success of the company.
But I do believe, based on this, and observing top companies, that generally the more successful they are, the more people were involved with bringing about the success.
Which completely contradicts most information given to startups about ‘lone wolf’, ‘go it alone’. If that were true, Google would have 1 employee. Apple would have 1 employee.
And they would have never gotten off the ground.
Anyway, I may not have explained this perfectly but I do strongly believe the more & higher quality people are working together on something, the stats show these companies tend to do better, and successful companies you see often have more people than less working on them.
From the very beginning and now.
Regardless of the stage they were at.
So going based off this information, that the more people, the better, I have hired 30+ different people for different roles. Over the past few years. Across different businesses. To help speed up the progress in different areas.
From marketing roles, sales process roles, web development, app development, customer service, delivery of services.
And I would say there have been maybe 1 or 2 of them where I was actually happy with the result.
Most times, I would hire someone to do a job, and they didn’t do the job well, despite saying they were experienced.
And showing past examples of their work. And telling me everything I wanted to hear about how good they were.
It would often be that they would end up performing badly in the KPIs I set for them, giving many excuses, asking for help/questions/not solving anything on their own.
And just so many other problems. Like when there were multiple people at the same time on a team, working on the same project, they would blame each other and no one took responsibility despite clear responsibilities.
All telling me how other staff were bad and they were good, but getting conflicting info from all staff where they blame each other for everything so it’s difficult to know who to trust and who is being truthful.
Oftentimes not being reliable or doing what they were clearly asked to do.
Oftentimes trying to outsource the work I game them, to other people and not caring about the quality.
At my expense.
So I lost lots of clients, had low performing areas in the areas I hired for a lot of the time.
To be fair, things happened faster the more people there were.
But they often needed much more from me than they were contributing.
Like they always wanted to get paid more, for doing less work, weren’t reliable, did low quality work, didn’t hit KPIs, missed clear deadlines, always gave excuses, blamed others/external things, always asking how “I” wanted their job to be done, to the point where I was having to literally tell them every single thing to do and become an expert at their job myself, and show them how to do what they were put there to do, or do it myself, and still get a low quality result from them.
Anyway, the list goes on in all the problems I have experienced hiring people.
It really seems like a minefield.
But there were 1-2 people who did actually do well, who were responsive, who did what they committed to do, who hit deadlines, who did what they were asked, who didn’t give excuses. Who were actually honest hard workers who figured out how to solve problems and actually do the job that was asked from them.
Because of the amount of people I hired and the very low % of people who seemed to do their job well, it made me think that I am probably the problem here. If so many people are doing a bad job and not doing what they were actually hired to do. When most other companies seem to succeed at hiring people.
Then it must be a problem with myself and how I am hiring and managing them.
So it makes me think I need to level up in how I hire and manage people.
I’ve tried lots of different businesses and variations of them and some have done okay, some have not.
Mainly the most success I’ve had is in my own freelancing, where I don’t have other people on my team.
Because it’s kind of turned into a headache working with others. Who just seem to have mostly never been able to deliver what they promised without it becoming pointless to hire them in the first place with all the work I’m doing on their behalf and trying to pick up after all the problems and failures they’ve done.
So I’m not sure exactly what to spend my time and resources on.
I have money saved up from freelancing.
Where I can continue to hire people.
But I do feel I’ve had many many bad experiences.
And I believe it’s mostly my fault. Maybe my training, my hiring, my management, at places along the line I’ve not done it well enough.
I’ve tried to make improvements each time but it has kind of seemed like luck to get people who do actually do their job well.
I genuinely want to hire people and succeed in this.
Because if I can successfully work with people to achieve outcomes, rather than relying only on myself, I can build a real business and not just do freelancing.
In freelancing, I was able to make $3k-5k/month but it was very stressful and I hated speaking with clients, and was constantly stressed.
I generally really don’t like socialising with people. Including clients and staff.
And staff often try to get me to socialise unnecessarily so they can avoid doing their job, and pull me away from mine.
So trying to make it work.
I want to make it work with hiring people because if I can do this, I can make 10x-100x-1000x faster progress with other people on the same team.
But I do have a very bad track record so far. So it’s kind of painful returning to it and continuing to have bad experiences.
But at the same time I know it’s me who’s probably at fault because there can’t be this many bad people I’ve hired and it surely can’t be this bad for everyone.
I think the reason is that I’ve been better at managing myself and doing things successfully solo throughout my life.
Like I’ve achieved very good things in solo sports, in academia, and in many areas that don’t require a team, but often become frustrated working in a team.
But I don’t want my business success to be limited to 1 person.
So I truly want to make it work in improving my ability to manage (ideally a large amount of) people in a way where they can actually deliver and it work well.
Because I was capped in freelancing to making $3k-5k/month because I couldn’t take on more clients because I was undercharging and overdelivering and couldn’t handle more due to being massively stressed out and hating it. I was able to work with less clients at times and charge higher, but they never wanted me to ‘outsource’ my work to others or bring on a team, and I felt bad about it because had bad experiences where I had felt like I let clients down, and oftentimes they told me they had hired me because of me, and not wanted me to ‘outsource’ the work.
But I want to make it work.
Building a real business with a team. Not just doing freelancing and relying just on myself.
So I have time and money and resources to put into this.
I have 1 staff member currently who is unproductive. But we have an equity deal so it doesn’t cost me money for them to perform. But costs me lots of time and their performance is extremely weak. Don’t even want to go into detail, but it’s a nightmare. Their performance is about 1/10 but I believe I can raise their performance if I improve my ability to raise their performance.
Anyway. I want to build a team, but not sure exactly what activities are best ways to spend my time.
If I am physically making improvements, I feel I am slowing down the business progress.
Whereas I want to hire and manage people.
I’ve built training so that this co-founder is able to hire people. And these people can use the same training to hire people.
But I don’t currently have training to enable them to manage people.
My fear is that without training, people just ask unlimited questions on how to do something in their role and it becomes pointless to have hired them because I have to do everything they should have done to do it, so they basically just become a robot following very specific instructions. Rather than a human being who can achieve things independently.
So for example, if I made this training, it would take up all my time, whereas I have savings I’ve accumulated from freelancing which I can put into either having the co-founder manage staff, or have the co-founder make management training at the same time to enable more and more staff to hire and manage new staff. To achieve overall objectives and KPIs.
Or I could have the co-founder hire someone to make the training.
Then that frees up my time, my co-founders, time and only takes financial resources to accomplish.
What I want to achieve, is a scenario where I can give staff KPIs and objectives, and they are enabled to hire and manage people who can meet these objectives. Independently without my help required.
They give feedback, and I have a system for feedback to internal improvements can be made based on staff feedback.
Without it being unfiltered, it’s structured and organised so people can’t just get unlimited help/training/whatever from me.
Where they should be able to take actions, iterate, learn, improve, and act as independent thinking people who can achieve objectives themselves. Or within a system where it’s not all tied directly to me.
E.g. I have direct reports going to me.
But they have direct reports who go to them.
Previously I had a system where I did this, but then staff at the bottom of the hierarchy would ask their managers questions, and the managers wouldn’t know the answer so would then ask me the questions, and so jumping over the managers and making me deal with everything.
Whereas I want to build a system where people can make business progress in their specific area, independently without everything going to the CEO. Only important/urgent things are feedbacked to the CEO.
This way I believe much faster progress can happen.
Because I won’t be bogged down by exponentially growing problems.
Like with how it works in any successful organisation.
Tim Cook has only a handful of direct reports. Who each only have a handful of direct reports. And so on.
He’s making the most important decisions, dealing with what’s most important and strategic, with top authority, dealing with everything as a birds eye view, but not doing every employee’s job for them, teaching every employee how to do their job. Picking up the pieces after every employee misses their deadlines, doesn’t do their work, gives excuses, does poor work that doesn’t help the company.
Even in any successful organisation. Each unit/person is making their own decisions, taking their own action, learning from it, practicing themself at improving, gaining their own experience, not all relying on 1 person, every single person in the organisation, just for them to do their job.
In successful organisations, people at every level experience new problems all the time, and don’t need to contact the #1 person at the top just to deal with it.
They come up with a solution and go for it. And iterate. Learn, try to do something better next time. And there’s a constant learning/feedback process going on across the organisation which everyone takes part in, not just 1 person doing every part for everyone.
I believe this structure of modelling what actually successful organisations do is the correct way. Because they’re successful for a reason.
Not this ‘hustle grindset’ BS in the startup/business world where lots of information seems to be saying the wrong thing. It just makes no sense to make every single person 100% reliant on you for them to do their job.
Anyway so I’m thinking about what I should do with my time.
What I want to do, is tell my co-founder what to do, which involves hiring and managing people who do things that move the needle forward in the business, as defined by me, and some of those people also hire and manage people. To have an exponentially growing system of people growing the organisation. And a communication and feedback and learning system and autonomy within the system itself so it can take action, learn, grow, thrive. As a system within itself.
I believe if hypothetically, I did everything myself, then it takes about 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential, and 5% of the time it does. So if I do everything myself, I believe it will take me 10 years to get a business off the ground.
But if I utilise my money and time more efficiently, I can have as many people working on each part involved in validating these businesses as possible.
I don’t know if that is lazy or smart.
I believe it’s both. But mostly smart. Because I believe I can convince, hire, organise, manage people to either work on equity deals or pay in a way where businesses can realistically bring in profit.
My co-founder does very little of what I ask him to do.
And he wants me to be doing individual things.
He objectively is financially and intelligently very poor and has very minimal skills or experience.
Not to be offensive. Just to paint a picture. So since there is conflicting information everywhere in the business world and you need to choose who to trust, I don’t trust what he believes.
Objectively I am much richer in all these areas than him.
So I used to operate on a democratic system with them. But it’s kind of like, in a vote for president, if you have 80% of the population being easily controlled by the media and being very dumb and easy to sway and manipulate into believing anything, and they vote for things which are objectively dumb and go against what the smartest and objectively most valuable people vote for, I don’t want to be held back by a dumb population having authority or being listened to, if they have a clear, long track record of making very bad decisions.
If you were to take business advice from a homeless person with no experience, money or intellect, or a Fortune 500 CEO, who let’s say objectively has massive experience, money, intellect and success. Then I would probably take what the CEO has to say.
If you had to listen to what a scientist vs 12 year old had to say about a scientific topic, you’d probably want to listen to the scientist who studied the topic and is well respected in their field.
So I believe it would be dumb for both of us, if he made decisions, objectively.
But at the same time it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
The Fortune 500 CEO could be telling you what you want to hear, and could have an incentive to lie to you to send you in the wrong direction with bad business advice so you don’t become competition to them, and the homeless person could be honest.
The scientist could be trying to gain fame and get attention to themself to build their career on a lie and fake experiments whereas the 12 year old could be a science savant.
So it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
If I should listen to him or myself.
Objectively.

1. I believe if I spend time building the business via this logic I’ve described above, it can grow much faster, with unlimited people working on it and performing well, if the necessary improvements are made.
   
2. And I believe if I were to do the individual things necessary to do it, it would take 6 months to ‘validate’ each’s potential. I.e. try everything in that timeframe to make it work, build a good service/product, build good sales process, build good marketing, deal with customers, etc, all on your own.
   

Whereas in the first option, other people could do all these things.
Human development over history has happened due to the input of millions, if not billions of people.
There wasn’t 1 person who did all the work to get Carnegie or Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg to gain the success they’ve achieved.
They all build an empire off the backs of others.
Did the slave owners do the slave work themselves when they brought slaves to America? No.
Does Elon do all the individual parts necessary to grow the company? No. He leads and controls the people in order to do that.
Does Mark Zuckerberg single handedly get Facebook off the ground? No. There were 10+ people involved. He stole code from others. Who sued him.
All of these people had exponentially growing staff as the company grew, as fuel to grow the company.
So if you have the money and strategy to lead them to success, I believe it surely is possible.
So long story short this is a long rambling piece of writing but I believe there’s very little impact 1 individual person has on the success of a company. Controlling and amassing an army of people who build the company up and contribute to the company sounds more true.
Does 1 person do everything involved in every sports team? No. Each player plays their respective part. Directed by the coach/manager.
Does 1 person do everything involved in musical orchestras? No each musician plays their part. Directed by the conductor.
And so on.
If you can build an exponentially growing team of staff who effectively work together, bring others on, take action to grow the business, learn from mistakes, make improvements, are highly motivated, are led successfully, it can achieve great things. I feel like it’s a delusion that individual people single-handedly grow companies without others.
So what should that person spend their time doing?
Doing all the millions of things necessary to grow the company? Or bring and manage others who some make progress themselves, some bring and manage others, to gain more and more resources to make progress at faster and faster rate.
Do successful people really have only 1 person responsible? No. They have teams of people behind them.
So trying to do the work of 1,000 people as 1 person sounds 1,000x as hard as getting 1,000 people to each do the work of 1 person.
So if you can finance the growth of the company via hiring others.
Let’s assume I can finance this exponential staff growth. Then surely I should do it right?
Like if I were to compete with 1 person trying to grow their business, and I had 1,000+ people, all doing their jobs effectively, being organised, working as a system not all relying on me, the competition where it’s 1 staff member on average would get beaten.
And surely any excuse you could give, I could just hire someone to solve that excuse.
Like “oh but what roles do you hire these people to do?” well I could hire someone whose role is to figure out what roles they should do. “But what if x?” well I could hire someone whose role is to solve that too. And so on. “Oh but do you have enough money to pay these staff?” Yes. And I can hire people whose job is to bring in money. Whether it’s fundraising, raising from
Did Hitler fight WW2 with 1 person? No. He fought it with millions, if not hundreds of millions of people.
Did Amazon/[insert any Fortune 500 company] get to their size today from having 1 staff member who did everything? No. They had thousands if not hundreds of thousands of staff.
Did any successful mom and pop shop/small business get to their size today from 1 staff member? No. They are one of the largest employers in the USA. Which means they hire a lot of people. Successful mom & pop shops generally have more staff the more successful they are.
Armies generally have more success the bigger and more effective they are.
Companies generally have more success the more staff and more effective the staff are.
So surely we shouldn’t hold ourselves back, to use the example of war, it’s like trying to go to war with others who have hundreds of thousands of people in their army, with just 1 person, yourself. Who is going to win? Them.
How are you going to compete with companies with way more staff, and way more effective staff than you? You would have to become exponentially more effective as 1 person which I just don’t know if it’s realistic.
I think it’s more delusional to believe that 1 person can do as well as 10 or 20 or 50 or 100 or more people who are each as effective as that 1 person.
So if you were to win, you would probably want to expand your army/staff and make them more effective, rather than try to make yourself somehow perform on the same level as armies/companies with thousands or hundreds of thousands of people. It’s just delusional to believe you can beat them in my opinion.
In business, you’d have to be extremely skilled at hundreds of different skills, spend 10+ hours on 100+ individual areas of the business each week to compete with 1,000+ staff who, if performing effectively, would crush you.
This is just my thoughts.
Am I being delusional? Come on…
I just feel like this is the way. Just look at the most successful organisations in history. Was it 1 person?
No, 1 person cannot realistically win a war against 100,000+ people. No matter how good they are. They would need to be top 0.00000000001% in skill in the world at what they’re beating the other side at.
Could 1 footballer beat a football team of 100 people of equal ability than them? No.
Could a company of 1 person outperform a company of 1,000 people? No.
So I believe if I can solve the ability to do this, I can grow a team of unlimited size to conquer and beat any problem thrown at us.
It’s just down to control of people.
Money doesn’t exist.
Even biggest most successful companies in the world mostly didn’t get there on their own.
I believe less than 1% of Fortune 500 Companies were bootstrapped. Or something similar.
And this is what I’m saying.
People in the small business/entrepreneur world tell you you need to have everything yourself.
How are you going to outfinance, outcompete companies on complete other levels without acquiring these resources from others? Just relying on yourself.
How could 1 person get more financing/investment in a company from investors compared to 1,000 of equal ability.
It’s never 1 person ‘beating the world’. Or beating the industry on their own.
Maybe if your aspiration is to be an average business.
“Oh but you should do what is best at each level, and it’s different for each level. Start just by yourself until you get X revenue. THEN hire people”
…..Well if you struggle to get X revenue on your own, how are you ever going to hire others?
The others help you grow the revenue in the first place.
I feel like the small business world is too overreliant on the founder and delusional about the capabilities of 1 person when competing against units 100-1,000x + bigger than them.
Come on.
Anything you want to compete in. In business.
Generally you already have competition.
And if you manage to somehow “spot” something they’ve “missed”, they could just copy you and wipe you out with their massive resources anyway.
In my opinion you need to expand your resources as FAST as possible.
Not this BS “oh wait until you get X profit on your own to hire other people”
Well if you’ve only made good profit on your own as a freelancer, and you’ve spent a lot of years trying to get a business off the ground solo, what are you meant to do?
“Oh just make it work” Great advice.
I just feel like there’s too much delusion into what it actually takes.
In a job or as a freelancer. It’s easier to make $3k-5k/month revenue because you’re only competing against individuals.
But when you try to compete against other businesses to make $3k-5k/month profit, you’re competing against businesses with 10x-100x the people, the money, the resources, the everything, to beat you.
So how are you meant to realistically beat them on your own? Without expanding your resources as quick as possible.
So because of this I believe if 1 person on their own is somehow meant to take a business from $0 to $10k/mo profit, then surely it will happen quicker if more people, of equal ability, are trying to make the business $0 to 10k/mo profit.
To be honest I don’t know what the truth is. This is just what I believe the truth is.
Because I’ve consumed so much wrong information from people acting like they have the correct advice in business.
All Youtube videos, articles, courses, claiming to make you successful in business, when in reality it’s just advice that sounds either easy to say or easy to hear.
Like it’s easy to say as a comment to this post, a response that takes 5 seconds to write, like the first thing that comes to your mind, like “just figure it out on your own”. But that’s not necessarily the truth, it’s just easy for you to say as a commenter. Comments aren’t necessarily the truth.
And on the other side business advice is easy to hear. Like “work on your own, make $1m/month, move to X country, live the life, working 2hours/day” which is just pure delusion. And most of the time the content/advice’s purpose is to benefit the business who made it, not the receiver of the advice. Because it’s selling a course or they have ad sense so they just want maximum engagement and views.
And anyone who is successful in business doesn’t need to give any advice. Because they’re applying the advice. Not giving it. Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos etc have no strong incentive trying to help others get to their level because they could just make an extra $10M-100M from spending the same time/energy/resources giving advice into growing their business.
They’re never gonna have advice that would help you beat them because otherwise they would’ve applied it themself.
And they are actually incentivized to not want others to truly succeed. Because it means more competition for them and less success for them.
So 99%+ of info online just seems like it’s not true.
I’m trying to figure out what is true and what isn’t.
Honestly though it’s difficult to even trust what anyone says in business. Any advice or feedback. For the reasons given.
Because 99% of feedback is either from people who haven’t truly grown a successful business, or it’s not related to you, or it involved luck, or it’s just like a motivational quote they tell you, or it’s a snarky comment they tell you.
It’s only helpful to them. And you are actually their customer or viewer or their entertainment. Not a successful business yourself. Because it’s just all misinformation that all contradicts with the truth.
So not even sure if it’s worth trying to get advice or if it’s all just pointless, just to figure it out myself from experience, trial and error and learning from my own thinking than relying on any other thinking.
Anyway do you think this is just crazy and I’m going crazy or is there any truth to what I’m saying?
Let me know your brutal honest feedback

This might be a slightly philosophical post. But the aim is to get to the bottom of what you should be truly doing. To truly get the most results.
There seems to be a MASSIVE amount of conflicting information online about how to do this.
“Do stuff that moves the needle forward”
“Do stuff that brings in revenue”
What does this truly mean though. And is it even the right thing. That’s the purpose of this post, to uncover.
When I’ve spent my time on actual needle-moving forward things, like taking business from 0 to revenue, doing all offer development, operations, sales process, marketing myself, it generally has taken me about 6 months to fully ‘try out’ a business idea I’ve had.
Most times it hasn’t worked.
Either it wasn’t profitable. Or there was a big problem somewhere.
I believe fundamentally it’s because I’m moving too slow.
Because it usually takes me around 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential.
When you haven’t sold it or developed expertise in it yourself yet.
And I would say about 5% of the time it does work.
So if it takes 6 months and only 5% of the time it works (where you bring in revenue, no major issues), and each time it doesn’t work you try a new variation of it or something new based on what you learned, then it might take 10 years of trying different things to get the business to work.
Which sounds like it takes way too long.
So I thought about how the top companies move much quicker.
What separates them and my strategy.
And realized they simply had much more people on their team.
If you think about any successful organization who has achieved great things, and is world-leading, usually there is not 1 person on the team.
There seems to be a correlation between number of people on the team and speed of progress they can make in business.
Which goes against what most conventional startup wisdom tells you, most small business content creators etc all tell you to do it all yourself.
Which I’ve done for quite a few years and it’s gone so slowly in terms of overall progress.
If you should ‘do everything yourself’ then most Fortune 500 companies would’ve had single founders, and 1 person on their team. But the vast majority of successful Fortune 500 companies had co-founders.
And most successful businesses I know of, had co-founders.
And as they succeeded, they got more people on the team, and these people helped bring more success, then they brought more people.
Obviously there can be bad staff and not everyone contributes to the success of the company.
But I do believe, based on this, and observing top companies, that generally the more successful they are, the more people were involved with bringing about the success.
Which completely contradicts most information given to startups about ‘lone wolf’, ‘go it alone’. If that were true, Google would have 1 employee. Apple would have 1 employee.
And they would have never gotten off the ground.
Anyway, I may not have explained this perfectly but I do strongly believe the more & higher quality people are working together on something, the stats show these companies tend to do better, and successful companies you see often have more people than less working on them.
From the very beginning and now.
Regardless of the stage they were at.
So going based off this information, that the more people, the better, I have hired 30+ different people for different roles. Over the past few years. Across different businesses. To help speed up the progress in different areas.
From marketing roles, sales process roles, web development, app development, customer service, delivery of services.
And I would say there have been maybe 1 or 2 of them where I was actually happy with the result.
Most times, I would hire someone to do a job, and they didn’t do the job well, despite saying they were experienced.
And showing past examples of their work. And telling me everything I wanted to hear about how good they were.
It would often be that they would end up performing badly in the KPIs I set for them, giving many excuses, asking for help/questions/not solving anything on their own.
And just so many other problems. Like when there were multiple people at the same time on a team, working on the same project, they would blame each other and no one took responsibility despite clear responsibilities.
All telling me how other staff were bad and they were good, but getting conflicting info from all staff where they blame each other for everything so it’s difficult to know who to trust and who is being truthful.
Oftentimes not being reliable or doing what they were clearly asked to do.
Oftentimes trying to outsource the work I game them, to other people and not caring about the quality.
At my expense.
So I lost lots of clients, had low performing areas in the areas I hired for a lot of the time.
To be fair, things happened faster the more people there were.
But they often needed much more from me than they were contributing.
Like they always wanted to get paid more, for doing less work, weren’t reliable, did low quality work, didn’t hit KPIs, missed clear deadlines, always gave excuses, blamed others/external things, always asking how “I” wanted their job to be done, to the point where I was having to literally tell them every single thing to do and become an expert at their job myself, and show them how to do what they were put there to do, or do it myself, and still get a low quality result from them.
Anyway, the list goes on in all the problems I have experienced hiring people.
It really seems like a minefield.
But there were 1-2 people who did actually do well, who were responsive, who did what they committed to do, who hit deadlines, who did what they were asked, who didn’t give excuses. Who were actually honest hard workers who figured out how to solve problems and actually do the job that was asked from them.
Because of the amount of people I hired and the very low % of people who seemed to do their job well, it made me think that I am probably the problem here. If so many people are doing a bad job and not doing what they were actually hired to do. When most other companies seem to succeed at hiring people.
Then it must be a problem with myself and how I am hiring and managing them.
So it makes me think I need to level up in how I hire and manage people.
I’ve tried lots of different businesses and variations of them and some have done okay, some have not.
Mainly the most success I’ve had is in my own freelancing, where I don’t have other people on my team.
Because it’s kind of turned into a headache working with others. Who just seem to have mostly never been able to deliver what they promised without it becoming pointless to hire them in the first place with all the work I’m doing on their behalf and trying to pick up after all the problems and failures they’ve done.
So I’m not sure exactly what to spend my time and resources on.
I have money saved up from freelancing.
Where I can continue to hire people.
But I do feel I’ve had many many bad experiences.
And I believe it’s mostly my fault. Maybe my training, my hiring, my management, at places along the line I’ve not done it well enough.
I’ve tried to make improvements each time but it has kind of seemed like luck to get people who do actually do their job well.
I genuinely want to hire people and succeed in this.
Because if I can successfully work with people to achieve outcomes, rather than relying only on myself, I can build a real business and not just do freelancing.
In freelancing, I was able to make $3k-5k/month but it was very stressful and I hated speaking with clients, and was constantly stressed.
I generally really don’t like socialising with people. Including clients and staff.
And staff often try to get me to socialise unnecessarily so they can avoid doing their job, and pull me away from mine.
So trying to make it work.
I want to make it work with hiring people because if I can do this, I can make 10x-100x-1000x faster progress with other people on the same team.
But I do have a very bad track record so far. So it’s kind of painful returning to it and continuing to have bad experiences.
But at the same time I know it’s me who’s probably at fault because there can’t be this many bad people I’ve hired and it surely can’t be this bad for everyone.
I think the reason is that I’ve been better at managing myself and doing things successfully solo throughout my life.
Like I’ve achieved very good things in solo sports, in academia, and in many areas that don’t require a team, but often become frustrated working in a team.
But I don’t want my business success to be limited to 1 person.
So I truly want to make it work in improving my ability to manage (ideally a large amount of) people in a way where they can actually deliver and it work well.
Because I was capped in freelancing to making $3k-5k/month because I couldn’t take on more clients because I was undercharging and overdelivering and couldn’t handle more due to being massively stressed out and hating it. I was able to work with less clients at times and charge higher, but they never wanted me to ‘outsource’ my work to others or bring on a team, and I felt bad about it because had bad experiences where I had felt like I let clients down, and oftentimes they told me they had hired me because of me, and not wanted me to ‘outsource’ the work.
But I want to make it work.
Building a real business with a team. Not just doing freelancing and relying just on myself.
So I have time and money and resources to put into this.
I have 1 staff member currently who is unproductive. But we have an equity deal so it doesn’t cost me money for them to perform. But costs me lots of time and their performance is extremely weak. Don’t even want to go into detail, but it’s a nightmare. Their performance is about 1/10 but I believe I can raise their performance if I improve my ability to raise their performance.
Anyway. I want to build a team, but not sure exactly what activities are best ways to spend my time.
If I am physically making improvements, I feel I am slowing down the business progress.
Whereas I want to hire and manage people.
I’ve built training so that this co-founder is able to hire people. And these people can use the same training to hire people.
But I don’t currently have training to enable them to manage people.
My fear is that without training, people just ask unlimited questions on how to do something in their role and it becomes pointless to have hired them because I have to do everything they should have done to do it, so they basically just become a robot following very specific instructions. Rather than a human being who can achieve things independently.
So for example, if I made this training, it would take up all my time, whereas I have savings I’ve accumulated from freelancing which I can put into either having the co-founder manage staff, or have the co-founder make management training at the same time to enable more and more staff to hire and manage new staff. To achieve overall objectives and KPIs.
Or I could have the co-founder hire someone to make the training.
Then that frees up my time, my co-founders, time and only takes financial resources to accomplish.
What I want to achieve, is a scenario where I can give staff KPIs and objectives, and they are enabled to hire and manage people who can meet these objectives. Independently without my help required.
They give feedback, and I have a system for feedback to internal improvements can be made based on staff feedback.
Without it being unfiltered, it’s structured and organised so people can’t just get unlimited help/training/whatever from me.
Where they should be able to take actions, iterate, learn, improve, and act as independent thinking people who can achieve objectives themselves. Or within a system where it’s not all tied directly to me.
E.g. I have direct reports going to me.
But they have direct reports who go to them.
Previously I had a system where I did this, but then staff at the bottom of the hierarchy would ask their managers questions, and the managers wouldn’t know the answer so would then ask me the questions, and so jumping over the managers and making me deal with everything.
Whereas I want to build a system where people can make business progress in their specific area, independently without everything going to the CEO. Only important/urgent things are feedbacked to the CEO.
This way I believe much faster progress can happen.
Because I won’t be bogged down by exponentially growing problems.
Like with how it works in any successful organisation.
Tim Cook has only a handful of direct reports. Who each only have a handful of direct reports. And so on.
He’s making the most important decisions, dealing with what’s most important and strategic, with top authority, dealing with everything as a birds eye view, but not doing every employee’s job for them, teaching every employee how to do their job. Picking up the pieces after every employee misses their deadlines, doesn’t do their work, gives excuses, does poor work that doesn’t help the company.
Even in any successful organisation. Each unit/person is making their own decisions, taking their own action, learning from it, practicing themself at improving, gaining their own experience, not all relying on 1 person, every single person in the organisation, just for them to do their job.
In successful organisations, people at every level experience new problems all the time, and don’t need to contact the #1 person at the top just to deal with it.
They come up with a solution and go for it. And iterate. Learn, try to do something better next time. And there’s a constant learning/feedback process going on across the organisation which everyone takes part in, not just 1 person doing every part for everyone.
I believe this structure of modelling what actually successful organisations do is the correct way. Because they’re successful for a reason.
Not this ‘hustle grindset’ BS in the startup/business world where lots of information seems to be saying the wrong thing. It just makes no sense to make every single person 100% reliant on you for them to do their job.
Anyway so I’m thinking about what I should do with my time.
What I want to do, is tell my co-founder what to do, which involves hiring and managing people who do things that move the needle forward in the business, as defined by me, and some of those people also hire and manage people. To have an exponentially growing system of people growing the organisation. And a communication and feedback and learning system and autonomy within the system itself so it can take action, learn, grow, thrive. As a system within itself.
I believe if hypothetically, I did everything myself, then it takes about 6 months to ‘validate’ whether a business has good potential, and 5% of the time it does. So if I do everything myself, I believe it will take me 10 years to get a business off the ground.
But if I utilise my money and time more efficiently, I can have as many people working on each part involved in validating these businesses as possible.
I don’t know if that is lazy or smart.
I believe it’s both. But mostly smart. Because I believe I can convince, hire, organise, manage people to either work on equity deals or pay in a way where businesses can realistically bring in profit.
My co-founder does very little of what I ask him to do.
And he wants me to be doing individual things.
He objectively is financially and intelligently very poor and has very minimal skills or experience.
Not to be offensive. Just to paint a picture. So since there is conflicting information everywhere in the business world and you need to choose who to trust, I don’t trust what he believes.
Objectively I am much richer in all these areas than him.
So I used to operate on a democratic system with them. But it’s kind of like, in a vote for president, if you have 80% of the population being easily controlled by the media and being very dumb and easy to sway and manipulate into believing anything, and they vote for things which are objectively dumb and go against what the smartest and objectively most valuable people vote for, I don’t want to be held back by a dumb population having authority or being listened to, if they have a clear, long track record of making very bad decisions.
If you were to take business advice from a homeless person with no experience, money or intellect, or a Fortune 500 CEO, who let’s say objectively has massive experience, money, intellect and success. Then I would probably take what the CEO has to say.
If you had to listen to what a scientist vs 12 year old had to say about a scientific topic, you’d probably want to listen to the scientist who studied the topic and is well respected in their field.
So I believe it would be dumb for both of us, if he made decisions, objectively.
But at the same time it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
The Fortune 500 CEO could be telling you what you want to hear, and could have an incentive to lie to you to send you in the wrong direction with bad business advice so you don’t become competition to them, and the homeless person could be honest.
The scientist could be trying to gain fame and get attention to themself to build their career on a lie and fake experiments whereas the 12 year old could be a science savant.
So it’s difficult to truly know what the truth is.
If I should listen to him or myself.
Objectively.

1. I believe if I spend time building the business via this logic I’ve described above, it can grow much faster, with unlimited people working on it and performing well, if the necessary improvements are made.
   
2. And I believe if I were to do the individual things necessary to do it, it would take 6 months to ‘validate’ each’s potential. I.e. try everything in that timeframe to make it work, build a good service/product, build good sales process, build good marketing, deal with customers, etc, all on your own.
   

Whereas in the first option, other people could do all these things.
Human development over history has happened due to the input of millions, if not billions of people.
There wasn’t 1 person who did all the work to get Carnegie or Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg to gain the success they’ve achieved.
They all build an empire off the backs of others.
Did the slave owners do the slave work themselves when they brought slaves to America? No.
Does Elon do all the individual parts necessary to grow the company? No. He leads and controls the people in order to do that.
Does Mark Zuckerberg single handedly get Facebook off the ground? No. There were 10+ people involved. He stole code from others. Who sued him.
All of these people had exponentially growing staff as the company grew, as fuel to grow the company.
So if you have the money and strategy to lead them to success, I believe it surely is possible.
So long story short this is a long rambling piece of writing but I believe there’s very little impact 1 individual person has on the success of a company. Controlling and amassing an army of people who build the company up and contribute to the company sounds more true.
Does 1 person do everything involved in every sports team? No. Each player plays their respective part. Directed by the coach/manager.
Does 1 person do everything involved in musical orchestras? No each musician plays their part. Directed by the conductor.
And so on.
If you can build an exponentially growing team of staff who effectively work together, bring others on, take action to grow the business, learn from mistakes, make improvements, are highly motivated, are led successfully, it can achieve great things. I feel like it’s a delusion that individual people single-handedly grow companies without others.
So what should that person spend their time doing?
Doing all the millions of things necessary to grow the company? Or bring and manage others who some make progress themselves, some bring and manage others, to gain more and more resources to make progress at faster and faster rate.
Do successful people really have only 1 person responsible? No. They have teams of people behind them.
So trying to do the work of 1,000 people as 1 person sounds 1,000x as hard as getting 1,000 people to each do the work of 1 person.
So if you can finance the growth of the company via hiring others.
Let’s assume I can finance this exponential staff growth. Then surely I should do it right?
Like if I were to compete with 1 person trying to grow their business, and I had 1,000+ people, all doing their jobs effectively, being organised, working as a system not all relying on me, the competition where it’s 1 staff member on average would get beaten.
And surely any excuse you could give, I could just hire someone to solve that excuse.
Like “oh but what roles do you hire these people to do?” well I could hire someone whose role is to figure out what roles they should do. “But what if x?” well I could hire someone whose role is to solve that too. And so on. “Oh but do you have enough money to pay these staff?” Yes. And I can hire people whose job is to bring in money. Whether it’s fundraising, raising from
Did Hitler fight WW2 with 1 person? No. He fought it with millions, if not hundreds of millions of people.
Did Amazon/[insert any Fortune 500 company] get to their size today from having 1 staff member who did everything? No. They had thousands if not hundreds of thousands of staff.
Did any successful mom and pop shop/small business get to their size today from 1 staff member? No. They are one of the largest employers in the USA. Which means they hire a lot of people. Successful mom & pop shops generally have more staff the more successful they are.
Armies generally have more success the bigger and more effective they are.
Companies generally have more success the more staff and more effective the staff are.
So surely we shouldn’t hold ourselves back, to use the example of war, it’s like trying to go to war with others who have hundreds of thousands of people in their army, with just 1 person, yourself. Who is going to win? Them.
How are you going to compete with companies with way more staff, and way more effective staff than you? You would have to become exponentially more effective as 1 person which I just don’t know if it’s realistic.
I think it’s more delusional to believe that 1 person can do as well as 10 or 20 or 50 or 100 or more people who are each as effective as that 1 person.
So if you were to win, you would probably want to expand your army/staff and make them more effective, rather than try to make yourself somehow perform on the same level as armies/companies with thousands or hundreds of thousands of people. It’s just delusional to believe you can beat them in my opinion.
In business, you’d have to be extremely skilled at hundreds of different skills, spend 10+ hours on 100+ individual areas of the business each week to compete with 1,000+ staff who, if performing effectively, would crush you.
This is just my thoughts.
Am I being delusional? Come on…
I just feel like this is the way. Just look at the most successful organisations in history. Was it 1 person?
No, 1 person cannot realistically win a war against 100,000+ people. No matter how good they are. They would need to be top 0.00000000001% in skill in the world at what they’re beating the other side at.
Could 1 footballer beat a football team of 100 people of equal ability than them? No.
Could a company of 1 person outperform a company of 1,000 people? No.
So I believe if I can solve the ability to do this, I can grow a team of unlimited size to conquer and beat any problem thrown at us.
It’s just down to control of people.
Money doesn’t exist.
Even biggest most successful companies in the world mostly didn’t get there on their own.
I believe less than 1% of Fortune 500 Companies were bootstrapped. Or something similar.
And this is what I’m saying.
People in the small business/entrepreneur world tell you you need to have everything yourself.
How are you going to outfinance, outcompete companies on complete other levels without acquiring these resources from others? Just relying on yourself.
How could 1 person get more financing/investment in a company from investors compared to 1,000 of equal ability.
It’s never 1 person ‘beating the world’. Or beating the industry on their own.
Maybe if your aspiration is to be an average business.
“Oh but you should do what is best at each level, and it’s different for each level. Start just by yourself until you get X revenue. THEN hire people”
…..Well if you struggle to get X revenue on your own, how are you ever going to hire others?
The others help you grow the revenue in the first place.
I feel like the small business world is too overreliant on the founder and delusional about the capabilities of 1 person when competing against units 100-1,000x + bigger than them.
Come on.
Anything you want to compete in. In business.
Generally you already have competition.
And if you manage to somehow “spot” something they’ve “missed”, they could just copy you and wipe you out with their massive resources anyway.
In my opinion you need to expand your resources as FAST as possible.
Not this BS “oh wait until you get X profit on your own to hire other people”
Well if you’ve only made good profit on your own as a freelancer, and you’ve spent a lot of years trying to get a business off the ground solo, what are you meant to do?
“Oh just make it work” Great advice.
I just feel like there’s too much delusion into what it actually takes.
In a job or as a freelancer. It’s easier to make $3k-5k/month revenue because you’re only competing against individuals.
But when you try to compete against other businesses to make $3k-5k/month profit, you’re competing against businesses with 10x-100x the people, the money, the resources, the everything, to beat you.
So how are you meant to realistically beat them on your own? Without expanding your resources as quick as possible.
So because of this I believe if 1 person on their own is somehow meant to take a business from $0 to $10k/mo profit, then surely it will happen quicker if more people, of equal ability, are trying to make the business $0 to 10k/mo profit.
To be honest I don’t know what the truth is. This is just what I believe the truth is.
Because I’ve consumed so much wrong information from people acting like they have the correct advice in business.
All Youtube videos, articles, courses, claiming to make you successful in business, when in reality it’s just advice that sounds either easy to say or easy to hear.
Like it’s easy to say as a comment to this post, a response that takes 5 seconds to write, like the first thing that comes to your mind, like “just figure it out on your own”. But that’s not necessarily the truth, it’s just easy for you to say as a commenter. Comments aren’t necessarily the truth.
And on the other side business advice is easy to hear. Like “work on your own, make $1m/month, move to X country, live the life, working 2hours/day” which is just pure delusion. And most of the time the content/advice’s purpose is to benefit the business who made it, not the receiver of the advice. Because it’s selling a course or they have ad sense so they just want maximum engagement and views.
And anyone who is successful in business doesn’t need to give any advice. Because they’re applying the advice. Not giving it. Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos etc have no strong incentive trying to help others get to their level because they could just make an extra $10M-100M from spending the same time/energy/resources giving advice into growing their business.
They’re never gonna have advice that would help you beat them because otherwise they would’ve applied it themself.
And they are actually incentivized to not want others to truly succeed. Because it means more competition for them and less success for them.
So 99%+ of info online just seems like it’s not true.
I’m trying to figure out what is true and what isn’t.
Honestly though it’s difficult to even trust what anyone says in business. Any advice or feedback. For the reasons given.
Because 99% of feedback is either from people who haven’t truly grown a successful business, or it’s not related to you, or it involved luck, or it’s just like a motivational quote they tell you, or it’s a snarky comment they tell you.
It’s only helpful to them. And you are actually their customer or viewer or their entertainment. Not a successful business yourself. Because it’s just all misinformation that all contradicts with the truth.
So not even sure if it’s worth trying to get advice or if it’s all just pointless, just to figure it out myself from experience, trial and error and learning from my own thinking than relying on any other thinking.
Anyway do you think this is just crazy and I’m going crazy or is there any truth to what I’m saying?
Let me know your brutal honest feedback

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I’m 19 “19F” and he’s 23 “23M” and we got together when I was 18 and he was 22. A few months into the relationship he got a job as a bar back. He loves it and he loves his coworkers and I was happy for him in the beginning! He recently got promoted at as a full-time bartender and will start in about a week. He typically stays late after his shifts and says that he is hanging out with his regular “Mark” after work. He’ll be off his phone for hours after he gets off and I trust him that he’s at the bar hanging out with Mark.
However, a few days ago we were in the parking lot of his apartment complex and a girl comes up to us. She says “hey neighbor” to him and completely ignores me and my boyfriend does not introduce me to this girl who clearly knows him. At the end of the brief encounter she said to him “well if you ever want to talk or hangout you have my number” to which he said “yea for sure”. Also she was wearing a transparent shirt so I could see her nipples. I felt uncomfortable and thought it was weird that he agreed to hangout with another girl (who I felt was clearly asking him out and blatantly ignoring me) right in front of me, didnt introduce me as his girlfriend, and he had already given her his number. The next day I was ignoring his texts and he called me 30 times. I just told him how am I supposed to trust that he can say no to drunk girls who will be flirting with him at the bar if he can’t say no when I’m standing right next to him? Am I being dramatic?
Also one night later we went to a concert for his coworker and one of his coworkers asked me if my name was “wren” and said she thought my boyfriend was dating a girl named wren (which my boyfriend- when I asked him about it later- claims to not know any wrens) and she kept telling me how much she LOVES my boyfriend. She said it three times. Another one of his coworkers was showing my boyfriend nudes of some random booty call he had. I explained to my boyfriend that I didn’t really feel like his coworkers were respectful of our relationship. He apologized for their actions but still talks about them a lot and how funny/cool they are when I feel that they have just been rude to me. And honestly I’m concerned because my boyfriend looks up to these people and admires them as people, I just don’t want him to be easily influenced/ tempted. Also all of his coworkers are single and in their late 20- early 40s.
I also found a pair of furry handcuffs in his nightstand a few months ago (that we have never used together) and when I asked him about it he threw them away. This was probably 9 months into our relationship… why did he still have them?
Should I end things with him out of lack of trust? Am I thinking too much into things? I want to trust him but after all this stuff has gone down and after he said yes to hanging out with his neighbor (when we’ve established that neither of us are comfortable with the other hanging out with someone of the opposite gender one on one) I honestly don’t know anymore.
TL;DR: My boyfriend said yes to hanging out/ talking to another girl right in front of me, he had already given her his number, and didn’t introduce me as his girlfriend or mention me at all. He said he’s sorry and that she’s crazy and that he was never actually going to hangout with her but still. I felt invisible and now I feel like I can’t trust him. Should I break things off?

I lost my soul dog Tito 2 months ago unexpectedly. He was 1 year old and he was my everything. I took him to the vet because we were going to get him fixed. His little heart gave up on the fear and it stopped. I still can’t believe it. I miss him everyday and I just can’t function properly because of the grief. I’m autistic and he helped me through a lot of the daily struggles. It was thanks to him that I was able to be strong and do many things. It’s so unfair and I feel so guilty for taking him to the vet that day. I feel like he thought i was abandoning him and he was so scared that his heart just stopped. I feel like I took him to his death. I couldn’t even say goodbye. Time has stopped completely for me. My parents grief but get angry at me when they see me crying. I just want to be with him and hold him one last time, to ask him for forgiveness. I just wish he knew i wasn’t abandoning him. I wish he knew that i loved him dearly. I wish we had more time. I wish i could go with him.

Hello ! So I (22 F) work in a retail shop. I have a (24M) coworker. We were kinda chummy but it was just joking around, absolutely no flirting. We talked really briefly and it would always be jokes about how we wanted to quit our job or stuffs like that. I have another ( 20 F) coworker that am close with and we teased him all the time together but we never ever talked about personal stuffs.
So one day i was just bored in the aisles and went to greet him and ask him about his day. He starts to ask if i have a Bf or a husband and i say that am single without any second thoughts. I need to precise for this story that i come from an african country. He is also african but from another country. So he asks this super strange question, something like : “ In your country when girls marry they must be virgin right?” I was really confused and distraught as he added “ are YOU a virgin?” I told him that it was really inappropriate but he saw nothing wrong with it and continued by saying “ oh only your lover can have this information uh” i told him it’s a question i don’t want to answer to and walked out
Ever since then I’ve been avoiding him because he really weirded me out. We are not so close and i specifically liked him bc he was never out of line, so that really caught me off guard. Today I didn’t say hi and we didn’t joke with him at all. At lunch he talked to me, i was really cold and he immediatly stopped talking. Even after that he still came back and said goodbye when we finished. Now i feel bad when am thinking about it again maybe am overreacting? Other colleague is saying i should at least say hi and small talk. Should i just act like nothing happened? It’s very awkward because we work together pretty often. Should i wait until he says sorry or just act like nothing happened to make things less awkward? Or should i just keep ignoring him…?

It's been a long time since I've car shopped, and I was surprised to see so many dealerships here are no-hassle/no-haggle pricing. I've tried looking at slightly used, but they're so close to new car pricing that I'm looking new now. Perhaps some of the websites are misleading and say "no haggle" but really do negotiate, but I thought I'd start a list and see if the group can correct me or add more.
Just in case someone asks, I don't like to haggle, but I don't mind spending upfront time emailing dealerships. I've expanded my search to include Chicago (my extended family lives there), and the dealerships that negotiate there have given me lower out-the-door prices than the local quotes I've received so far.
I've specifically been looking at Mazdas and Toyota. And I know Toyota's a little more unique since they still have the lowest inventory and days of supply so they don't need to negotiate.
No-haggle:

• Walser
• Morries
• Eich
• Chippewa Valley
• Rochester Motor Cars

Negotiable:

• Luther Brookdale? -- at least they were 19 years ago when I last bought from them
• Every Toyota dealership except Walser? Except so far, they're saying they don't negotiate since every RAV4 is claimed on a preorder.

a million little things i want to share with you throughout the day. and so much i want to know about you - how was the first week of work? do you like it? are your coworkers or nice? have there been any developments in the job search? i miss you so much, buddy. i'm so sorry for the pain i've caused. your friendship is the most beautiful thing in the world, you are the best person in the world. if you ever feel safe to, i am here. i want you here in my arms, and i will wait forever. i know i always speak in hyperbole, but you have to understand that i mean it when i say you are the love of my LIFE. i love you buddy

So I’m in college and there was this girl who I know thinks I’m attractive. I caught her looking at me multiple times and it’s just clear as day. I like her awkwardness, and she takes any opportunity to talk to me.
An example is the other day I asked the professor for an eraser, and she appeared out of nowhere and offered it to me while smiling/ chuckling.
it’s important to note that normally, I would not have even gave this girl the time of day. I just noticed that she likes me, and that made me like her, and she is pretty so I said why not.
After our final exam I approached her and made small talk about the exam and the semesters end. She was visibly excited to speak to me - I could tell by her voice and smile. I offered her a ride and she denied, which I expected her to do. So then I asked for her instagram and told her that I think shes pretty. She says thank you, and we say our goodbyes.
She didn’t immediately pull out her phone and accept the request. This was Friday, and now it’s Sunday. It’s frustrating because I am kinda picky with the girls I choose to pursue, and traits like this are very unattractive to me. It shows me what I can expect down the road. I’m hoping in her head she’s just insecure and doesn’t want to give off the impression that she’s desperate, but even then, that’s also stupid. If you like someone then just be yourself. It doesn’t make sense to me. Can anyone relate to this or even understand it. I mean, as human beings the least we can do for a friend or acquaintance is accept their follow request. So part of me thinks she’s doing it to test me, because people seem to think I’m this lady killer. And if she didn’t like me she would just accept the request.
I don’t know. I’d like to hear thoughts please. I’m 21 and she’s 19.

Please, if you have a spare time with this and give me your honest advice. I’m genuinely so conflicted.
So my boyfriend is really sweet. The relationship started off with him giving me insane crazy princess treatment. And everything is good; we hang out almost every single day. We text every single day; he needs constant updates. He tells me when he's in his car about to go somewhere. He tells me when he's about to shower and he says he does these things so l'm not waiting for his text if he doesn't respond back, which I appreciate, but he also expects me to do the same. For me, that's a little bit too much. I'm not used to that. He is very protective, so whenever we're in public, he always wants to hold onto me to show other people I'm his girl because sometimes men will look at me. I think he knows I could do better on physical attraction, not gonna lie.
All this feels like it's a little bit too much, so I told him that I think he's way too committed to this relationship to the point where I feel like it's more like a marriage, not just dating. I told him that I am not being the perfect girlfriend that he wants me to be because he needs to give me time; it's only been one month. He continues doing things like getting annoyed if l hang up the phone to pick up someone else's call without saying goodbye and telling him who's calling. I understand his perspective, but he still gets annoyed if I hang up the call.
I can’t have guy best friends and especially I cannot call my guy best friends when he’s in the car with me. If they call me, I can’t pick up and have a conversation. Sometimes I do because they are important to me. One thing that really ticks me off is whenever I tell him something, he says “we both could use this or that.”
For example, yesterday I was washing my hair, blow drying it, and I was on FaceTime with friends so I didn’t text him for like 3-4 hours, but he knew that I was busy because I told him. That night when I called him, I could tell he had a little anger in his tone and he was like, "If you didn’t call me in five minutes, I would’ve gone to sleep." We had a conversation about how if I don’t want to FaceTime that night, I should just let him know beforehand. Him waiting and then making that comment about going to sleep within five minutes made me feel guilty, but then I took a step back and thought, "You know I have people over at my house; give me some space. I’m not your wife. It’s been a month."
Also We hang out almost every day by the way because I have a lot of free time and it's like we seeing each other 4- 12 hours every single day. Mind you it's only been a month so for me it's a lot and if we're not seeing each other, it's the constant texting and updates
My main issue right now is that he texted me this morning said:" I'm sorry for being mean yesterday and making you feel like that".
I responded with: " It's OK, I just need some space to think about it."
He responded with: "I feel we both need space recollect ourselves"
What does he needs space for??!?! Everything is throwing me off... this is the second time saying "we both need" when I address an issue about how he made me feel. I understand that he's trying to consider his feelings into the problem, but I'm not crazy.
How should I handle a situation where my boyfriend says we both need what I need instead of addressing my feelings individually?
Sorry it’s kinda long 😭 TL;DR: My boyfriend is very sweet but extremely attentive and protective, expecting constant updates and restricting interactions with male friends. He often says "we both need" when I express my individual needs. It's been only a month, but I feel overwhelmed by his level of commitment. How should I handle a situation where my boyfriend says we both need what I need instead of addressing my feelings individually?

Yes, you read it right. I got a few admits and I will not be joining any of the colleges. Will be dropping MBA in general, as I have other plans. But, as I bid this community goodbye, wanted to give back in any tiny way possible.
P.S. Do not expect to see anything new here, and feel free to ignore!
Profile; GEM 9/9/9 - T10 Engg college, Work ex: 3yrs, CAT: 99.5X, XAT: 99.2X
I had registered for CAT on the very last day, with absolutely no idea of what the exam is, or if I am even planning for an MBA. As November came closer, I decided to give it a shot as an MBA would be something that suits me. I looked around to ask friends in IIMs on how to prepare with 15-20 days to go. Everyone had different strategies so I sat down to find some material. Everything seemed vague until I started checking out previous-year papers. (I personally have given 2 mocks, and solved all slots '19-'22). The patterns that evolved over the past decade, the most likely pattern for this year, and figured how I have around 1.5 mins per question to reach a rough score of 100. (I decided upon this as the fair average to be in the top 0.1/0.2 percentile based on results from '21-'24) While I state this simply, I did go through a lot of videos from creators, to Quora, to this very subreddit to get my information. And I must say that the first-hand accounts from here helped me all along.
Remember; CAT is strategy first, ability second kind of exam. I will keep different disparities out of this post, but would ask everyone to see this being based on bucketing. Yes, your gender, category, school-marks, UG field, all matter, but then don't think the entire pool is your competition. The percentile system makes one think like that, but it isn't the case. The competition is WITHIN your own bucket, find the scoring needed there. That math will go a long way and will keep you away from unnecessary excuses and debates.
General strategies:

- set an ideal score in mind, everyone would want highest possible but set a realistic number in mind. Aim should be to score equal in all section. Give mocks/prev year papers, find weakest section, compensate for loss there by gain elsewhere. - if strong in VARC, practice completing whole thing in 40mins (whatever the section time is), else tackle in order of strongest module first (RC/ordering/summarising/fill sentence). - in QA, put a hard limit of 1.5-2 mins per question when practicing. Choose only the sections/problems you are comfortable with, learn to solve them in the exam constraints first. There is no need to know everything, this isn't boards. - in DILR, know that 1/4 is enough, 2/4 is good, 3/4 and you can afford huge mistakes in VA/QA, but being able to solve 3/4 probably means you are very strong at reading and math, so no need to think here. 

I went on to give my CAT, and post that is when I got involved here the most. I was active when this community had 14k~ members, so it has grown significantly, in ways good and bad. But that's not the point. There are all kinds of people here, and therefore you should be able to find whatever you need amidst all the noise.
I had applied for top 10ish colleges based on my personal suitability (+All checkboxes in CAT form ). Adding links to their interview experiences/transcripts here;
IIM A, C, FMS - NO call [A and B have non-public criteria, but generally B has more weightage to experience, while A has for diversity. C and especially FMS need raw marks in CAT]
SPJIMR - my first interview experience, got kicked out of round 1 IIM K - admit XLRI BM - admit IIM B - PGP + PGPBA admit IIM I - admit IIT B - waitlist in 20s but opted out to not block seat IIM L - admit IIFT - will probably get IIM Mumbai, IIM Shillong, XLRI HM, IIT Delhi - filled interview forms but didn't attend All other IIMs - skipped entirely
I cannot give any specific advice on interviews as things to work upon vary greatly from person to person. You can go through the above links, and ask questions if any, I will try to answer them.
I hope this post is of help, And all the best for your plans!

As a collection of like minded individuals we must start completely ignoring the existence of the masses (I.E women, inbreds). And not in a superficial way, we shouldn’t disagree with them, we shouldn’t look at them and we certainly shouldn’t talk to them. They simply shouldn’t have any existence within our minds and then, I am convinced of this, “they” will simply cease to exist.
I am not perfect, perfection is something we must move toward. But because I am not perfect I feel myself ponder the idiocy of others. Or trying to explain my position to women. I am going to stop this. I don’t need to explain myself any more.
For a long time I DIDN’T believe truth and objectivity was possible. Clarity was an impossibility.
You don’t believe in truth? you don’t know what truth is? You cannot define truth? questions like this plagued my mind for hours, teachers in school affirmed these thoughts. I was young and Impressionable. I’m not perfect.
You can define truth. Ignore the intellectualism, ignore the thoughts of others, ignore your environment. You are truth, everything you believe is the truth. The world and people around you demand you to view things through endless layers of nuance, you don’t need it. People believe that a greater depth of understanding is equal to intelligence. That being an “expert” is a good thing. It is not, you will only yearn for more. I have yet to meet a professional or expert I respect, they are shackled to their field of knowledge. Unable or unwilling to view things from a broader more truthful perspective.
Looking at things through the lens of collective groups or definitions is also reductive. The “haves” and “have nots” are arbitrary distinction. I can harp on for hours about how the modern age strips meaning from us, refusing to allow us to view things from our own perspective. Being the critic is easy, finding an alternative is hard. That is what my father says.
So here is alternative, lift weights and dominate others. Physically and mentally. Your will is the most important thing, disregard morals, they box you in. Others will try and box you in, why? You ask, I say, disregard their motives. It is not important to know others unless you, personally, deem them of value.
These concepts; equality, post modernity, ideas, consciousness. Waste of time. Strive for excellence, strive for intelligence. They hate that I disagree, they say I am morally bankrupt, they say I live a deeply sad life. Either are true, I feel stronger, I’m happier than ever. What you feel is important, your emotions are important. Base your morals off your emotions.
They created industrial war, it is no longer an art. The 20th century told us one thing, humans want to kill each and strip each other from history. Everything is driven by profit, stand against profit for it is how they control you, shackle you to community. To the collective. Money and success is not valued by the number you have in your bank account. Actually the number in your bank account is directly correlated to have much of yourself you’ve given away. How you have betrayed yourself. Given in.
Success is happiness, and I am happy.
David foster Wallace once said that
“If you worship money and things — if they are where you tap real meaning in life — then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already — it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power — you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart — you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on”
once I heard this quote I’d decided to value nothing. But I think I misunderstood the idea behind Wallace’s words. I am not perfect. Maybe you shouldn’t worship anything. Or maybe you should worship yourself, in totality. For you, the individual, is already perfect. I don’t agree with Wallace on everything, but unlike the people today he thought about things. Had original ideas, not the endless pseudo-intellectual rehashing and slight modification of ideas that have floated through the collective ethos for years. You already know everything you need to know to live this very moment, and that is all that matters.
But the truth is I want it all, yet I am told that I shouldn’t do that. Accept my weakness, let go of my childlike desires. They say; “truth is unobtainable and perfection is unobtainable”. And do you know who says that, ugly people. They shouldn’t have an opinion anyway.

I I guess I'm looking for validation that this is textbook, and I am looking at this correctly. I guess that is the effect of being gaslit - you don’t know your reality is really your reality. But I am here, and asking for help, because I will need to see him for the next 12 years (our kids go to the same school). This will be in passing and at events, but I am traumatized, still recovering, and just scared. I am looking for some insights because I spent about 2 months trying to fit my story into a box of emotional and narcissistic abuse…. But it's not that....I see that now. If you are able to share tidbits of knowledge, or point me in the direction of more clarity, I would appreciate it so much. Thank you so so much.
I am going to write out the cliff notes. I imagine a lot of you can fill in the parts I leave out as from what I read on here, it’s typical.
I met him walking my kid to school. He walked the same way every day. Over time, we became friends, and I learned he was trying to leave his marriage. Once he did, the relationship happened fast – too fast. He seemed so 100 percent sure of me and it was odd. I often looked disheveled walking to school and tired….I am not sure what he saw in me. But, I felt sure of him too, but wanted to go slower. I tried to slow it down, but at the same time, didn't. I am responsible for that. I felt like a hamster on a wheel after a few weeks and was able to tell him that I need the weekdays for myself, for my work, and for my kid. He seemed to respect that.
But he often romanticized the first few weeks together....even in the last days.
Quickly, I started to notice the emotional dysregulation. There was a lot going on for him: moving out, going through the divorce, parenting, work….so I understood it. I was also still getting to know him. Then severe trauma responses and triggers started happening. They would lead to these large child-like reactions with a lot of tears and anger. I didn't understand it but knew enough to know he had trauma to work through, and perhaps was feeling it for the first time. Each time this happened, there was nothing I could say to help or get him out of it, he would blame me a lot and say I was the cause, and he expected me (without saying it) to be there for him 110% even though I couldn’t. And truthfully, I didn’t want to….I wanted him to be able to handle that for himself or realize it was an issue. I didn't have the tools to deal with it and suggested he try deeper therapy. He agreed.
When he first met with the therapist, she told him it is like a virus takes over his brain and he is convinced in those moments. That was music to my ears at the time. But that is the last time I felt that way.
After a few months of this cycle continuing, I started detoriating. First my mental health, and then my physical health. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like we couldn’t go a few days without him reacting to something small. I wrote in my journal many times “there's no amount of validation I can give this person.”
I didn't point it to excessive adoration and validation, I could not see that really, but if he texted me 5 things and I responded to all 4 logistical ones and ended with "love you too" I was chastised. If I was driving and did not respond to an “i love you,” I was called out for it. At the end of October, I told him I needed the weekend to clean my apartment. It happened to be 60 degrees that day and of course, I would have preferred to be outside, but I am an adult and could not blow off my commitment to myself to clean. That day he messaged me 18 times that me missed me. He kept inviting me out. I kept asking him to stop, because clearly I would prefer to do something else than clean, but needed to. The missing was excessive. I didn’t even know what he meant. We lived next door to eachother. That night, I had to work, and he was upset with me because to him, it was optional and I should have chose to see him.
There were so many moments when he wanted so much comfort I couldn't provide. We were both single parents. That kind of affection goes to my kid....and I couldn't give it to him in that way. He would even want the affection when he hurt me.
He would see my daughter freak out at me and then say that I don’t love her enough, and he would joke they are the same….
It wasn’t a joke?
As time went on, and his therapy went on, and he felt validated by the therapist, the blame came on more and never left. It started in August, and even when I'd get an apology, it would be for the impact (what I'm responsible for) and not his intent. He'd argue with me over seeing his intent clearly. I'd say I don't care about your intent, you're killing me. It didn’t matter, nothing did.
I never felt like we could repair any incidents. As the blame went on, I really questioned myself. I wondered if he was right. What if I don't love enough? What if I don't receive love well? I've been in therapy for 20 years and know I have limitations but I'm not an asshole…
I felt coerced a lot of the time.
I felt he wanted me to change a lot....he wanted me to be less blunt, more loving, more balanced, work less even though he was awful with money, have sex when sick, injured or mentally dead from the day, always be happy to see him, don't be affected by the trauma responses and don't try to talk to him about it, don't take space and if I do, prepare for some kind of punishment, love him and miss him endlessly, do everything together, if I am dysregulated, he wanted me to regulate with him….
I noticed I started taking precautions to keep myself dafe. I didn’t realize I was setting boundaries to prevent the abuse but I was. I’d say I was busy when I wasn’t. I wouldn’t accept or ask him to get me from the airport, knowing I would not be 100% happy after a flight and that would cause a fight (as it did). I didn’t ask for help, and when I did ask for help, I would expect the help to not happen. I did not communicate anything he did “wrong” (like, you said you would drop off quarters for laundry on monday….do you have them?)
There were a lot of moments we would have deep conversations and I felt like we were getting somewhere, that he heard me.
I'll fast forward to the end because this is already way longer than I wanted….and it’s sad that I know it could be so much longer.
In the last month, he reacted and blamed me for everything. There were at least 5 major incidents. After the last one, I told him I was done. It was really bad and left me spending $50 to uber home in the snow, when I could barley walk as is (I had a herniated disc in my back and could barley walk). That month, I lost health insurance, and after begging for time to just take care of the injury, he told me we need intensive couples counseling. I had asked to just continue our therapist until we could change. That wasn't enough. The next weekend he asked me to go to a Gottman weekend. I said I couldn't leave my kid to do that right now and needed to take care of my help.
After that snow episode, that was really bad, laced with blame in the unpacking, I said I'm done, I can't do it. I was crying uncontrollably. I was scared. I really did not know who I was speaking to. After an hour, right when I needed to leave, he snapped out of whatever mindset he was in and told me he'd do anything, that he would work on anything, to please stay. I had to go, I could not think anymore. So in desperation, the only thing I asked for was to go alone on a trip with my daughter. He was scheduled to come with us. I said I needed time just with her. He agreed.
And honestly, he held up his end of the bargain....until he didn't.
3 days before the trip everything fell apart. I worked 12 hours that day and at the end of the day, went to pour water in a cup at home. It was the only time we had together before I left for the week. He hugged me from behind while I was pouring the water (....remember herniated disc in my back). I asked him to please stop and just let me have a second to pour the water.
He said "there's no turning back from this" and got his stuff to leave. I was floored. I was so upset because I knew where this was going - the blame game. He left, wouldn't come back, and then continued to blame me for the next 2 days about how I was an asshole the days before, only spent time with him out of obligation (not true), and rewrote history. I had a stomach bug all weekend and could not eat, but still tried to hang out as much as I reasonably could, and that was not enough.
The water incident was Wednesday, Thursday he had therapy and reinforced the blame, and I ended up leaving without saying goodbye. It was a week. I wanted to believe this relationship could survive a week. But I was clear with him days before: I am working up until I need to leave Friday so I can have real time off with my kid. He was upset I did not find him to say goodbye, even though he made no attempt to make peace earlier. But of course, my fault.
That night, he claimed down. Was nice. But it was a trap. After 12 hours of him being nice in text he said he was only doing it hoping I felt remorse and realized how wrong I was. He told me over and over he wouldn't see it differently. He said he read the transcript of our texts to 2 therapists and his friends and it’s clear: I am wrong. May be important to name here that we are both in our late 30’s.
I said that I want to work this out and I'll talk when we can actually discuss it and I'm willing to hear his side but not willing to blindly take all responsibility. He nailed me on every response, telling me how wrong my response was and what I should have done differently.
I was with my kid and could not talk. When I said "why are you doing this now, you know I can’t really respond" he told me to stop avoiding.
That night, he ghosted me for the first time in the relationship and I panicked. I called him a few times. No answer.
The next day, despite him never doing that to me before, he called me controlling for calling.
At 7am the next morning he told me our relationship was over in a text. This man, who 7 days before was professing his love and understanding of me ended the engagement in a text. This of course continued with a back and forth. I asked him to please stop. To please pause and talk to me when i'm back in 5 days. He told me to fight for the relationship or it was over. I said “I am just waking up with my 7 year old, in a hotel, please stop.” I asked him to attend couples therapy in 3 days to talk this out. He said “you accept all responsibility and change your behavior or we are done.” I asked if he was willing to talk and he said the problem was my perception and that it's wrong, so unless I change we are done. I knew this wasn't ok but I was so blindsided I did not know what to do. He agreed to go to couples therapy Thursday. We barley talked. There were a few more messages of him telling me he needs to know I can live a drama free life and celebrate his love and see it all as beautiful (almost verbatim). At this point, all I wanted to do is keep the dial down. I pushed back saying, “I cannot teach my daughter that someone can just tell her that her emotions and feelings are wrong, I hope you will be willing to talk and we can get on the same page.”
He agreed to go to couples therapy, and then didn't show up. He texted me 10 minutes before saying he was not going. I begged and pleaded. But he had the couples therapist to tell me he wasn't going to go. He had her tell me. I lost it. I lost my mind. I had been reeling for days. Not sleeping. Putting on a fake smile all day with my kid while I was dying inside. Staying up late to cry, process, read, figure out wtf was going on…
I called him about 10 times and of course, he told me it was inappropriate. He then picked up and gave me 10 minutes. He again wanted me to take all responsibility for everything. I was so shaken, I just fawned. I said ok. When I'm back I hope we can talk but if you want me to accept blame for now, fine.
Everything was calmer for 2 days until we were heading back and he texted me something along the lines of "don't fool me" I was like wtf? He said "there's no turning back. There's no other chances." I was like wait what? And then it was "don't make me look like a fool" I had no idea what was going on. I was like "um what is this?" He essentially was reinforcing his stance: I am to blame for everything in the present and past. If I try to talk to him about his side I'm wrong. I need to repent and one wrong move (defined by him) is a misstep and there's no room for error (his words). I was like....I will be in a relationship based in reality, and I will own my part and parts, but i will not be in something that i'm to blame for everything. That is not healthy. I have also been in abusive relationships before.
He then stopped messaging me. Didn't care that we got into flight issues. Didn't care we made the flight back. That night he came over and was a victim. Claimed in the 5 days I was gone he found himself. That he wasn't focused at work because of me and now he is. He wanted to try to be together. I had no idea what reality I was in. We slept together. He left. And told me we'd talk the next day. All of this felt so weird but I was just hoping he would snap out of this and back to reality and we would be able to talk. But I also knew this had to end at this point.
The next day, he didn't answer me all day. This was the opposite of behavior I ever experienced from him. Did not respond to texts or pick up the phone. We had a training appointment and he had the trainer tell me he wasn't coming. I broke down in tears. I begged him to just answer a text. He didn't. He drove by me while walking the dog and did not stop. I emailed him, expressing my confusion, telling him this is not what we agreed to. He blocked me. That night I got an email from him letting me know he was moving 10 min away. He lived next door in another apt building. He actually assured me the day before he “was not going anywhere.” In that email, he listed out the calls and texts I sent and how inappropriate it was. He never said we were done. He said taking space, needing space…so in my head I was confused but see it now.
I was inconsolable. I didn’t respond.
But here is the issue I am still in: I needed to see him dropping his kid at school the next day. I will need to see him for the next 12 years unless I move.
The following Friday he stood next to me at a school event. I purposely stood in the back to have space and be able to leave if I needed to. He went next to me. When I told him he should sit, he said he didn't want to make it obvious to his ex wife. I asked him to speak that Friday. He said ok but he was moving. I cried instantly. Already? I said ok.
On Saturday am, I saw the truck pull up and left the house. I called him that Saturday. I was blocked.
The next wednesday he asked me for a series of logistics in a text. None of which I handled yet. Wanting me to cancel flights and settle up money spent together. No mention or responsibility for all the money wasted on tickets we will never use. But then…in the text, asked for my engagement ring back.
I responded to logistics. Not the ring
He then called me 3 hours later because something went really wrong in his legal case. He wanted me to understand and validate him. I did....I just turned off my feelings for a moment. At the end he said, so about the flights. Can you handle it? "If i cancel it for you and your son i also have to do it for me and my kid. It's all on the same reservation" "well if you can go and not make sexual advances on me then we can try to go together.” I was like wtf? I could not have sex for months due to my injury. But he wanted to. Was this way of setting up blame that if we DID sleep together I would be to blame? I was like “I will cancel it for all of us.”
He then ran down more logistics and I said honestly you didn't seem done. I don't understand what you're doing. He said "im done" i hung up the phone.
He asked me for the ring again that night in a text. I said no, I need time to process this.
Everything since then has been a transaction. If i have a genuine emotion, he gets upset that i have it at all. He continues to sit next to me at school events because he claims he does not want his ex-wife to think we are done (this is insane to me….). I realize now that if it is a “good” interaction he is happy. If I am sad, then it is a “bad” one.
He never told his son we broke up, and shamed me for telling my daughter.
Recently he asked me a question and I was annoyed, and he said "can you not be mad at me?" I said “no, I can't not be mad at you…”
In the last 3 months, he’s said "I don't want to confuse things" has come up a lot. I don’t know if he is saying that to me or himself.
I have been so stuck trying to understand how I could not take space at all from him, to being totally discarded. I know he went back to spending, and drinking, but I don’t think he is seeing anyone.
He only responds when he wants to. He ignores other things. I never was able to get an MRI for my back because the claim went through a DR he set up for me and he never sent me the info when I asked.
I got the money back he owed me, but still lost so much money.
He told me he missed me one time.
I don’t know who this person is.
I will have to see him for the next 12 years while the kids are in school unless I move. I am not going to move just to avoid him, but I need to heal so I can be strong enough. I don’t know if he is going to try to come back. I have been in therapy and am getting clearer about what brought me into this in the first place.
Any clarity you can help me with, on this, and what may come from here, would be really helpful. It will help me direct some of my searches and begin to piece things together to process in therapy. I have severe anxiety when I run into him at school.
I have never had to heal from something like this before. At first, I thought it was healing from a narcissistic discard….this feels like so much more.
Does it sound like he will want to come back?
Is there ever closure?

Does anyone have any feedback to share regarding LG Home Comfort?
We got a quote to replace an old 50 gallon hot water tank for $2,600 three days ago. Early Sunday morning they are sending texts to say that pricing will go up tomorrow (Victoria Day) and we need to commit to lock in the quoted amount.

Context, i work in an inn. It’s a smaller one, about 32 rooms. Independently owned and everything. I’m the evening supervisor.
So this guest comes yesterday and he was being a complete asshole(anyone else notice an uptick in guests being very mean spirited and entitled lately?) at check in.
I asked him for an id and credit card, which is standard procedure for every hotel, immediately he goes his cards already on file and asks why i need to see it. I said its to verify his payment method by seeing if the name matches the one on the card, he says that i can just verify it by id and i told him i need to see the card, he said he doesn’t feel comfortable with letting me take his card and i told him for the third time that its to verify his identity and i quite literally would just be glancing at the card.
Immediately he snaps at me and says its already on file so he doesn’t see why i need to see it so i tell him that for the last time its for verification, we are not in the habit of checking guests in without verifying their identity first. This made him really mad and he proceeded to invite me to “step outside” because he didn’t feel “comfortable” with showing me the card when other people were around, my coworker was right there and there were maybe 2 guys my age being helped by her. I declined the offer which was clearly a threat (i’m a woman) and he got REALLY mad and said that i was trying to make him discuss his private information in front of everyone and he didn’t feel comfortable with that.
He becomes very verbally aggressive to the point where the guys are openly calling him an asshole and i tell him that im canceling the reservation and he needs to leave right now. He started arguing with one of the guys and it seemed like an altercation would break out so i had my coworker call the police in the back office. I guess he heard me tell her to do it because he left the lobby while hurling insults at both of us and the guy he argued with.
Then this morning he emailed my manager and left a bad review grossly exaggerating the events that took place, not realizing that the entire interaction was caught on camera and showed he adamantly refused to provide id or a card to us which would’ve ended the entire situation.
So that was my Saturday evening, my manager is strongly considering hiring security simply because of people like this.

I don't even know where to begin. Last year was when I started getting what I thought was an abscess from an ingrown hair because it only happened after I shaved. But the pain was just awful and I refused to go to hospital because I didn't want them to hurt me worse than I already was hurting so I just dealt with it until it drained on its own and then I decided to never shave again.
Anyways that didn't fix it at all and at the beginning of this month it appeared under my other armpit but this time it didn't go away, it got bigger and it was right on the bone under my armpit it felt like fire and a like the grim reaper was waiting to take me out, so by the 10th day I decided to make an appointment with a dermatologist because again I refused to go to the hospital.
My appointment was on the 15th and when I explained to her that it started on my one armpit and how since it drained on its own I figured I'm cool and would just never shave again but now it has popped up under my other armpit and this one isn't going away it hurts and then I burst into tears because i was just so overwhelmed and sleep deprived at this point. So she looks at my original armpit and says you don't have an abcess this scaring looks like you have HS.
Then she proceeds to ask me if this was hereditary and I said hell no, she asked me if I had this problem growing up I said absolutely not, this literally just started last year and I'm in my 40's.
She asked me if I smoked I said absolutely not. Cigarettes are disgusting, and I'm not overweight either so what is really going on?!?!
Anyways I'm currently taking a strong antibiotic twice a day for ten days, and I also have a prescription circular wipes and when I go in next month she said if that isn't managing it, then I'm going to have to start getting shots?!?!?!?!
Anyways I'm miserable and I hate this so much.
I don't like being cut and drained. It was so traumatizing. But at least I can sleep through the night again.
Thanks for letting me rant.
Ok goodbye

I feel like my life has been turned upside down.
My fiance has known me a very long time. He knows that I have a history of very bad mental breakdowns, including psychosis, along with suicide attempts. I have also had fake accounts used on me and been doxxed and harassed a lot online in ways that have been proven and shown to others. (These aren't what I'm seeking advice on, but provide context for what he did.)
I am very prone to paranoia after having a lot of crimes and mistreatment against me as a kid and young adult. My fiance knows this. I have suspected before that he might have been involved in some of it, but I was hoping it was just my paranoia talking. My friends agreed with me on that. I couldn't shake my aching suspicion, though.
A little over a year ago, when I was trying to move on from my now-fiance (after he initially rejected me and was with someone else), I got a massive crush on one of my coworkers. I posted on an anonymous forum that I wanted someone to pretend to be my coworker. One of the accounts that added me knew way too much, leading me to think it really was my coworker.
The account told me he'd be moving in with me. I was convinced it was really him. I prepared my whole apartment, but realized the account ghosted me. I got mad at my coworker, but began to have doubts about whether the account was actually him. He said it wasn't. I thought he was gaslighting me, but couldn't prove it.
I had a mental breakdown and quit that job. I couldn't stop obsessing about the situation. I called with my then-fiance about it and he helped calm me down. Later, I made a different post for a different potential online partner to try to distract myself while I set up a another career path.
A guy added me from that post. He was very suspicious from the beginning, but I couldn't tell reality from paranoia. I was pretty sure he was after me and recording me.
Long story short, he made things so much worse. He was also very cruel, like I would have to fight him off of having sex with me once or twice, he yelled at me, and he tried to gaslight me into thinking I committed a crime that I didn't. (The police had to tell me more than once that I didn't do it.)
The abuse piled up. He had the code to my apartment and continued to be aggressive end after I left him. I ended up with a bmi of about 15 and had to move to a different state.
I pressed me fiance about whether he had been behind any of the fake account stuff. He had denied it in messages, but he was now in person, and I felt more comfortable pressing him harder on it. He ended up confessing that he was not only behind the account that tricked me, but behind the private investigator I "dated."
He knew I had a history of psychological problems. He had this private investigator gaslight me continuously about not investigating me or being an agent during the sexual "relationship." He could see me deteriorating from all of this. He exploited my mental weakness for weeks with this private investigator.
Is this a fixable situation? How do we get out of this? This is one of the worst things anyone has ever done to me. I don't think he's remorseful at all. He says I would've ended up in jail or worse had he not "intervened," despite having no evidence for this and him having actively caused and worsened the situation.
TL;DR: Now-fiance admitted to hiring a private investigator to have a sexual relationship with me under false pretenses and continually gaslight me. He feels no remorse and says I should be thanking him. How can we move past this?