I have to say this, I need to put this somewhere, I need to be seen
I’ve been struggling with burnout, depression, extreme avoidance, loss of skills, procrastination and anxiety for the last few years (I’m 23) failed multiple classes in university, isolated myself, started using substance before realizing I needed help badly.
Almost 2.5 years ago, I questioned whether I was neurodivergent. It took me longer than that to actually seek proper help rather than screaming for help in my head. I’m in the middle of getting assessed for ADHD, just in the past 6 months or so I’ve been wondering if I’m autistic/withadhd
I’ve yet to seek assessment for autism
Anyway, about 2 years ago, my first step had been to go to my uni’s clinic and talk to a physician about my mental health. I was still hesitant to seek help from counsellors. After a few appointments with the doctor I got meds prescribed for attention (vyvanse) and depression/anxiety.
Shortly after that, I told the doctor that I think I’m having panic attacks. I wasn’t sure about that previously but after having several experiences in front of my best friend, he suggested if it might be a panic attack. It never felt like that to me, it felt different but just as severe. I was in the process of finally trying to validate myself and my experiences (realizing nobody was coming to save me and I had to take care of myself yada yada) so I told the doc and gave her a few vague details cause I was afraid she wouldn’t take me seriously. She prescribed some medicine for that and told me to take it only when absolutely necessary (just fyi I’ve never taken even one). I never felt the need to take them. As in, every time I got what I was previously assuming were panic attacks…. It didn’t feel like a panic attack and I didn’t ever felt the need to take that medication. Anyway.
Then I didn’t think about it too much, just thought that my subjective experience was different and that’s it.
Then very recently, during my ADHD assessment, I was asked about my mental health and I told them I had panic attacks every now and then. Like before, I described it very vaguely, but unlike the physician, they just kept staring at me waiting for me to elaborate. Which honestly confused me. I wasn’t able to describe it for them very well. After going home I thought about it for hours. And now a month later (I’m waiting for them to make a decision on my assessment, the final appointment is on Tuesday) JUST NOW I read about internalized autistic meltdowns….. AND AND AND that sounded wayyyyyyyy more like what I experience at times when I get stressed by seemingly random or harmless stuff. And I just realized that I was never having panic attacks, I was panicking sure, but it wasn’t a panic attack and it might have been me having meltdowns but internalizing them
(to really try and describe them, it would feel like a spiral of thoughts and emotions. Always triggered by something, but never something too big, my reaction would externally look like a huge overreaction. I would occasionally throw an object across the room, scream internally until I felt pressure in my face/head and like I’m going to pop. My thoughts would descend into extremities like thinking my life is over, that I should just die, feeling extreme anger, shame, fear and laughing in a hysterical way for a few seconds before dissolving into tears. It ALWAYS ended in tears. I’m starting to recognize that I feel anxious in my chest and occasionally my vision would start to feel blurry. I would want to rage and scream and tear and break and die. My heart would feel like it’s in my mouth. I cannot keep still, i would pull my hair real hard, angrily stomp across the room or out of the room if someone is with me, almost like I’m about to pounce on someone but I’ll stop short, fists raised and pivot and breath very heavily)
Pls can someone just share their experience if you have a similar one?
If any of you can be a little descriptive about your meltdowns, especially ones where you’re trying real hard to not react physically…. I think that would help me to understand this a little more. Only if you can. If not, I still appreciate you reading this.
I realize this post sounds like a rant, should I have used a different flair?
Thank you 🙏🏼

The Dallas Mavericks, commonly known as the Mavs, are a professional basketball team based in Dallas, Texas. Since their inception in 1980, the Mavericks have grown into one of the most successful and popular teams in the NBA. This blog will explore the team's history, key players, notable achievements, and current status, offering a thorough overview of what makes the Mavericks a standout franchise in the world of basketball.

A Brief History of the Dallas Mavericks

Early Years and Formation

The Dallas Mavericks were founded in 1980 by Don Carter and Norm Sonju. The team was named after the popular TV Western series "Maverick" and quickly became a beloved addition to the Dallas sports scene. The Mavs struggled in their early years but gradually built a competitive team.

Rise to Prominence in the 1980s

By the mid-1980s, the Mavericks had become a playoff contender. Led by players like Mark Aguirre, Rolando Blackman, and Derek Harper, the team reached the Western Conference Finals in 1988. This period marked the Mavs' first taste of significant success.

The 1990s: A Decade of Struggles

The 1990s were challenging for the Mavericks, marked by frequent coaching changes and roster instability. The team failed to make the playoffs for most of the decade, culminating in a series of losing seasons. However, the groundwork for future success was being laid during these tough years.

The Dirk Nowitzki Era

Arrival of a Franchise Icon

In 1998, the Mavericks drafted Dirk Nowitzki, a German forward who would become the face of the franchise. Nowitzki's arrival marked the beginning of a new era for the team. His unique blend of size, shooting ability, and versatility revolutionized the power forward position.

Building a Championship Contender

Under the ownership of Mark Cuban, who purchased the team in 2000, the Mavericks became a perennial playoff contender. Cuban's investment in the team and commitment to excellence transformed the franchise. The Mavs, led by Nowitzki, Steve Nash, and Michael Finley, consistently made deep playoff runs in the early 2000s.

The 2011 NBA Championship

The pinnacle of the Mavericks' success came in 2011 when they won their first NBA Championship. The team, coached by Rick Carlisle and featuring key players like Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion, and Tyson Chandler, defeated the Miami Heat in a memorable Finals series. Nowitzki's performance earned him Finals MVP honors, cementing his legacy as one of the greatest players in NBA history.

Key Players in Mavericks History

Dirk Nowitzki

Dirk Nowitzki is undoubtedly the most iconic player in Mavericks history. His 21-season career with the Mavs saw him become the team's all-time leading scorer and a global ambassador for the game. Nowitzki's loyalty, skill, and leadership have left an indelible mark on the franchise.

Steve Nash

Before becoming a two-time MVP with the Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash played a crucial role in the Mavericks' success in the late 1990s and early 2000s. His partnership with Nowitzki was instrumental in turning the Mavs into contenders.

Jason Kidd

Jason Kidd had two stints with the Mavericks, with his second stint culminating in the 2011 championship. Known for his exceptional playmaking and leadership, Kidd's contributions were vital to the Mavs' title run.

Luka Dončić

The current face of the franchise, Luka Dončić, has quickly become one of the NBA's brightest stars. Drafted in 2018, Dončić's remarkable skills and basketball IQ have drawn comparisons to legends like Larry Bird and Magic Johnson. He represents the future of the Mavericks and their hopes for another championship.

Notable Achievements and Records

Team Records

The Mavericks have set several team records, including most wins in a regular season (67) during the 2006-2007 campaign. They have also had numerous playoff appearances and several deep postseason runs.

Individual Records

Dirk Nowitzki holds numerous individual records for the Mavericks, including most points, rebounds, and games played. His 30,000-point milestone is a testament to his scoring prowess and longevity.

Community and Cultural Impact

The Mavericks have a significant impact on the Dallas community, both through their on-court success and off-court charitable efforts. The team is known for its engagement in community service and support of various local causes.

The Mavericks Today

Current Roster and Management

Under the leadership of head coach Jason Kidd and general manager Nico Harrison, the Mavericks are focused on building a competitive team around Luka Dončić. The current roster blends young talent with experienced players, aiming to return to championship contention.

Recent Performance and Future Prospects

In recent seasons, the Mavericks have been a playoff team but are striving to take the next step toward another championship. With Luka Dončić continuing to develop and the team's management making strategic moves, the future looks promising for the Mavs.

Conclusion

The Dallas Mavericks have a rich history filled with memorable moments, iconic players, and a passionate fan base. From their early struggles to their championship triumph and the current era led by Luka Dončić, the Mavericks continue to be a prominent and beloved franchise in the NBA. As they look to the future, the Mavs aim to build on their legacy and bring more glory to Dallas.
Whether you’re a lifelong fan or new to the team, the story of the Dallas Mavericks is one of perseverance, innovation, and the pursuit of excellence.

Emotional factors play a significant role in real estate decision-making. Whether you are looking to buy a house or land for sale, or place a property for sale, like an ancestral villa for sale in Sri Lanka or even a coconut land for sale in Sri Lanka, there may be many emotional attachments you have to home or land. Here are some of the key emotional factors involved:
· Attachment: People often develop emotional attachments to properties, especially if they have lived in them for a long time or have fond memories associated with them. This attachment can make it difficult to sell or leave the property, even if it may be financially advantageous to do so.
· Pride of Ownership: Homeowners often take pride in their properties and may be emotionally invested in maintaining or improving them. This pride can influence decisions related to renovations, landscaping, and overall upkeep.
· Fear: Fear of making the wrong decision or missing out on a good opportunity can impact real estate choices. For example, fear of buying in a declining market or fear of being priced out of a desirable neighbourhood can lead to rushed or hesitant decisions.
· Excitement: The prospect of owning a new home or investment property can evoke feelings of excitement and anticipation. This excitement can influence decision-making, sometimes leading individuals to overlook potential drawbacks or risks.
· Anxiety: Real estate transactions can be stressful, particularly for first-time buyers or sellers. Anxiety about the process, financing, or the future can influence decision-making and may lead individuals to seek reassurance or delay making decisions.
· Social Pressure: People may feel pressure from friends, family, or society at large to make certain real estate decisions. This could include pressure to buy a home in a particular neighbourhood, to keep up with peers, or to invest in real estate as a means of financial security.
· Sentimental Value: Properties may hold sentimental value for individuals due to their personal history or family significance. This sentimental attachment can influence decisions about whether to buy, sell, or hold onto a property, sometimes overriding purely financial considerations.
· Identity: Homeownership can be closely tied to a person's sense of identity and status. Decisions about real estate may therefore be influenced by how individuals perceive themselves and how they wish to be perceived by others.

Understanding and acknowledging these emotional factors is important for both buyers and sellers in order to make informed and balanced decisions in the real estate market.

How can real estate agents add value to emotional decision making?
Real estate companies in Sri Lanka can add a certain sense of value when it comes to emotional decision-making:
· Listening and Understanding: Agents can take the time to listen to their clients' needs, preferences, and emotional attachments to properties. By understanding their clients' motivations and emotions, agents can tailor their advice and recommendations accordingly.
· Providing Emotional Support: Buying or selling a property can be an emotional process. Real estate agents can provide emotional support to their clients, offering reassurance, empathy, and guidance throughout the transaction.
· Expertise and Knowledge: Agents can offer their expertise and knowledge of the local real estate market to help clients make informed decisions. By providing data, market insights, and analysis, agents can help clients understand the potential emotional and financial implications of their choices.
· Managing Expectations: Real estate agents can help manage their clients' expectations, particularly when emotions may be running high. By providing realistic assessments of market conditions, pricing, and timing, agents can help clients set achievable goals and avoid disappointment.
· Negotiation Skills: Negotiating the purchase or sale of a property can be emotionally charged. Real estate agents can act as intermediaries, using their negotiation skills to advocate for their clients' best interests while maintaining professionalism and defusing potential conflicts.
· Offering Options: Agents can present their clients with a range of options that meet their emotional and practical needs. By offering a variety of properties to consider, agents can help clients explore different possibilities and find the one that feels right for them.
· Providing Perspective: Emotions can sometimes cloud judgement or lead to impulsive decisions. Real estate agents can provide an objective perspective, helping clients weigh the pros and cons of different choices and consider the long-term implications of their decisions.
· Building Trust and Rapport: Developing a strong relationship based on trust and rapport is crucial for effective communication and decision-making. Real estate agents who take the time to build trust with their clients can better understand their emotional needs and preferences, leading to more successful outcomes.

By offering personalised support, expertise, and guidance, real estate agents can help clients navigate the emotional complexities of buying or selling a property with confidence and peace of mind.

How to choose a good real estate agent
Choosing a good real estate agent is essential for a successful and stress-free buying or selling experience. Here are some steps to help you select a reliable and competent agent:
· Research: Start by researching real estate agents in your area. You can use online resources, such as real estate websites and social media platforms, to find agents who specialise in your desired location or property type. Ask for recommendations from friends, family, and colleagues who have recently bought or sold property.
· Check Credentials: Look for agents who are licensed and affiliated with reputable real estate agencies or organisations. You can verify an agent's credentials by checking with your state's real estate regulatory authority or using online databases.
· Experience: Consider the experience level of the agent. While newer agents may be enthusiastic and eager to help, experienced agents often have a deeper understanding of the market, better negotiation skills, and a larger network of contacts. Look for agents who have a proven track record of success in buying or selling properties similar to yours.
· Expertise: Choose an agent who specialises in the type of property you are interested in buying or selling. Whether it is residential, commercial, luxury, or investment properties, working with an agent who has expertise in your desired area can make a significant difference in the outcome of your transaction.
· Communication Skills: Communication is key in any real estate transaction. Look for an agent who is responsive, attentive, and proactive in keeping you informed throughout the process. A good agent should be accessible by phone, email, or in person and should be able to explain complex concepts in a clear and understandable manner.
· Market Knowledge: A good real estate agent should have a thorough understanding of the local market trends, including property values, inventory levels, and neighbourhood dynamics. They should be able to provide valuable insights and guidance to help you make informed decisions.
· References and Reviews: Ask potential agents for references from past clients or look for online reviews and testimonials. Reading about other clients' experiences can give you valuable insights into an agent's professionalism, integrity, and ability to deliver results.
· Compatibility: Finally, trust your instincts and choose an agent with whom you feel comfortable and compatible. Buying or selling a property is a significant financial and emotional investment, so it is important to work with someone you trust and who understands your needs and priorities.

By carefully evaluating your options, you can choose a good real estate agent who will advocate for your best interests and guide you through the buying or selling process with confidence.

This game I'm in is ongoing and is of the campaign Dragon of Icespire Peak, please no spoilers for the game seeing as I'm a player in it.
So our last session ended rather poorly due to a recent action I performed as my rogue/bard. So far in the game, we're currently assisting a centaur warrior in trying to remove an orc infestation from his forest. We've uncovered a logging camp that was slaughtered by the orcs, a nearby ranch, and a hunting lodge which is still active but under threat.
For context, the group I play with is very big into the RP side of things, so my character is pretty developed to try and fit in with the group. My PC is a former brigand who discovered her love for music and is trying to become a better person, however, her past mercenaries are hunting her catching up to her as mercenaries are hunting her from her past wrongdoings. Due to this, she's quite a paranoid person.
Well, the issue started when another player in the group was playing as a half-orc who was sympathetic towards the orcs who came down to this land from the mountains due to the white dragon. Being sent from Neverwinter his duty is that he wishes to get rid of the orcs more diplomatically. Both of our characters butt heads in this regard. Seeing all the tragedies we've come across during the campaign, my character wants nothing to do with the orcs and would rather kill them as she doesn't trust them. However after my party members talked her down from being too brash, she decided to humor the half-orc in the group and went along with the plan to try and speak to them.
It was by this point we learned the orcs were trying to summon a demi-god in order to liberate the lands they were forced from many years ago. We learned this by encountering a shaman in the forest who was more than welcome to speak to the half-orc in our group, but only him. She wanted to take him from our party alone, which the rest of us disagreed with and thus a fight started. We came out victorious, and she died, and no one escaped to alert the rest of the tribe.
So we continued with our diplomacy mission. This is where things started to get muddy.
Upon arriving at the ritual ground, we met with the other two shamans performing the ritual and things were rocky at first, but the Half-orc was able to calm things briefly and began to discuss. My character does not know orcish, so she was practically useless in this engagement and mainly kept an eye out for anything suspicious. To her, the debate the two were having was getting pretty heated, but nothing threatening yet. That is until the the male shaman called over one of the lackies and began to discuss something.
Curious about this, I asked the DM if I could roll an insight check. He said that because I don't know the language I'd have a disadvantage, which I thought was fair. So I rolled.
"16." I told him.
"Alright," He said, "Even though you don't understand them. Judging by their body language and facial expressions. This could be bad."
Now the keywords there were "Could be." As stated, I'm playing a pretty paranoid character. By this point in the campaign, the party was pretty aware of it.
So out loud I told everyone, "Alright. I'm going to pull out my rapier and I'm going to approach the lackie from behind." Now I'll admit, I didn't say I was going to stab the guy, I assumed the description alone would've made it obvious what I was going to do.
Nobody said anything to stop me. So I stabbed the guy and triggered a fight.
This caused a minor altercation at the table between me and the Barbarian of the group as they were upset that I ruined any chance at diplomacy. I told them that I announced what I was doing to give them a chance to stop me, which only seemed to anger them more.
The sorcerer in the group ended up calling it for the night which then made the barbarian go with them. Leaving me alone with the Half-Orc and DM. I did apologize to the Half-Orc if I upset him by stepping on his arc, he understood the motives I was going for with my character but still didn't agree.
Part of me is aggravated by this because in our Curse of Strahd game a couple of weeks back. We had a very similar encounter where the roles were reversed. I was playing an artificer and the gunslinger in that group was trying to talk down an NPC to avoid a huge fight, but the half-orc, who played a half-elf monk in that game, and another player, a kitsune sorcerer, interrupted our diplomacy by attacking the guy.
Now for context, the guy was holding one of our players hostage. So they reasoned that their characters were pissed off and attacked out of rage, even though the DM made it clear that our negotiations were working.
So I'm a bit perplexed as to why in this case in Ice Spire Peak I'm seen as the bad guy here. What do you all think, was I wrong to act based on what I've given?

Descending Lion Head at the spot where winter route and summer route split we took the left fork, which apparently is a winter route, which was not to be used in summer conditions, which is gnarly and steep, and sketchy in multiple places, and is only open in stable snow, for use with crampons and ice axe.
The trail sign was kind of pointing to the left, so there we went. The top was not too bad, and the realization that this could NOT be the trail everyone hikes - this realization came too late.
I just want to ask if anyone ever made the same mistake, and how embarrassed did you feel after?
I also wish they would mark this at the top as "Lion Head Winter Route CLOSED" and another one "Lion Head Summer Route Open" so there is no confusion for fools like us. Or "Lion Head Winter Route CLOSED if you still insist to go this way bring 40 ft of rope"
I know for sure that there were people this Sunday on this trail before us. How do I know? I found a receipt from Pinkham Notch Visitor Center for 2 Builder and 3 Cliff bars, printed at 9:22 AM on 5/26/2024, $13.50. That was a welcome find - meaning SOMEONE was descending there and probably made it through. Hard to imagine that someone was ascending, because why would they? So they probably made the same mistake as we did.
Later on we found out that the sketchiest section even has a name, Wilcox Step. Imagine that! So did anyone hiked/climbed/crawled this trail in summer?

To preface: I love Chaos in 40k/30k. Its my favorite faction in the setting, and that will not change
Think, for a second if you will, about Chaos in 40k. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, my favorite overarching force and conglomerate of factions within the entire setting. Why? Well, as others have gone to great lengths to point out – both in and outside of the lore perspective and POV – Chaos is us; our thoughts, emotions, hopes, dreams and sins, dialed up to 11. You may start down the road to hell with noble intent, and you may even die on that same road nobly. Live long enough, however, and accrue too much infamy and corruption, you will court the favor of the Dark Gods, their neverborn, and a myriad of other warp entities, and it will damn you eternally.
With that being said, I think 40K Chaos, as it currently stands, gets absolutely shafted in one realm that AoS and, hell, even The Horus Heresy does better: the mysticism and esoterism surrounding corruption and ritual, as well as the variety in which the various “faces” of Chaos are presented.
Lets examine our “modern” 40k for a moment, shall we? It is often said that unsanctioned knowledge of the Chaos Gods most popular names - Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch and Nurgle – is grounds for immediate execution and the purging of all known (and suspected) family and associates. Fair enough, you are invoking the names and the attention of four deities who’s desire is to add this universe to the infinite number of realms they’ve already subsumed with the warp in their Great Game. Even if that attention comes in the form of some undivided lesser daemon, maybe appearing as a shadowy figure in the rough shape of a human, that one daemon could spell utter doom for a Hive World of trillions.
Ok, yet, the “true” names of the Gods are subjective, aren’t they? Khar’neth, Nurgleth, Slaaneth, Tzaarneth. The more archaic, brutal sounding titles? She Who Thirsts, The Bloody Hunter, Lord of Ravens, and Grandfather Crow? Oftentimes, when Ecclesiarchal missions descend upon a world, especially feral planets, they encounter preexisting religions among the human populace. More often than not, via religious syncretism, the co-opt the tribal deities and spirits of these planets, supplanting them with Imperial Saints and directing total and unwavering devotion to a singular deity, the one true God Emperor of Mankind, in any face that may take. Yet, these planets are not populated by overt Chaos worshippers more often than not, are they? Some tribes, of course, may be deemed too barbaric and flirting with the Pantheon, and thus put to the sword. Yet, more often than not, they merely become new branches of the Imperial Creed.
Now, we all understand worship goes somewhere in the warp. More and more within the lore, the human emanations of faith is psychically reflected, applying the calculus of “structure” in the random, roiling seas of the empyrean. The Emperor of Mankind has, it would seem, indeed become The God Emperor of Mankind. Trillions-Quadrillions of humans, across millions of worlds, over ten thousand+ years, had supplemented The Emperor’s own singular psychic might into something that, if not truly divine under known definitions, warrants their re-examination.
So, where am I going with this? Well, the Chaos Gods operate under as many names and guises as there are planets and cultures within the galaxy. In the Screaming Vortex, whole tribes of warriors drench their blades in the vitae of their enemies in order to earn the favor of Baphtar (Khorne). Thagus Daravek, Abaddon’s main rival for the title of Warmaster during the formative years of the Black Legion, refers to Tzeentch as The Shifting Many. So on, and so on. In The Solar War, reference is made to the billions of mortal auxiliary soldiers on the side of The Warmaster’s Horde, cultists and Imperial Army alike, who “worship the same old gods, with different names” (paraphrasing off memory there, forgive me any inaccuracy).
Those forgotten and repressed faiths, surviving in the dark temples and cult lodges on the fringes of Imperial society, in ramshackle underhive temples or feral world sepulchers of painted rocks and skulls, formed much of the basis for esoterism and occult ritual much of 30k’s more nuanced and detailed approach to Chaos comes from. Maloghurst, burning incense and using Cthonian death coins as the catalyst for sorcerous ritual. The importance of ingredients like horsehair, or more mundane offerings like the tears of a virgin or the blood of a king, or how swords and other melee weaponry, through their symbolism, are far more effective at combatting daemons than conventional weaponry such as autoguns, lasrifles and bolters.
30k just did it better. The cosmology of Chaos – especially with the recent references of Aetheric Dominions – is so much more fleshed out, or to put it more aptly, diverse than in current 40k. Undivided Daemons running amok, ritual that isn’t just virgin’s blood being dumped on the bodies of psychic children daubed in the tears of those lashed 8-by-8 times to summon Borgathula, Eater of a Thousand Stars. The True Names of the Dark Gods are considered a privilege to know, and even then, what are they?
If I were to take it a step further, I’d even argue Age of Sigmar, for its flaws, does so as well, with its Warcry Warbands (boo GW for discontinuing the bulk of those models, shame on you) and their lore providing some of the most interesting lore on just how certain groups can come to worship of their own aspects of Chaos. The Everflame? Coiled Ones? Great Gatherer? Supreme Predator? Tarantulos? Those are F****** awesome. Even in the Lord of the Endtimes novel, we get a superbly interesting depiction of a monk-like daemon prince, who’s followers offer their worship in caste-like tithes. The lowest of the mortal dregs in this prince’s fortress tithe their worship to more powerful warriors, who in turn pass their worship to mortal lieutenants and bound and subjugated daemons, who then offer their worship to the daemon prince, who is the only one allowed to offer the sum of their worship to the Dark Gods. Any others who do so are punished with death.
We get so much of that in 30k/Fantasy/AOS that just translates to so little in 40k, and I think that it’s a damn shame that more writers aren’t going that route
Or, are they?
Now, I understand that after 10,000 years and trillions/quadrillions of loyal Imperial souls imparting the significance of their own symbology into the warp, things may change. A bolter blessed by the local Ecclesiarch in incense and sprinkled with bone dust of holy men may be just as effective in combatting daemons as a sword these days, though I’d find that to be -slightly - lazy writing in context of time. Yet, I’d argue right now, certain writers are looking to The Horus Heresy for inspiration
We’ve had sprinklings of it throughout the decades. Balphomael, greater daemon of Chaos Undivided and a spirit of Faustian bargains, was the first reference we received in a while via FFG Dark Heresy supplements that Undivided Daemons were not simply retconned out of the setting. Then came Samus, first described as an undivided daemon, then assigned a “KHORNE” keyword, then a proto-daemon of The Dark King, and now once again undivided. Madail, Great Daemon and Herald of Undivided. Hell, from what I’ve recently read, even Malice was recently referenced as an entity of Chaos, still worshipped by the titularly named Sons of Malice as recently as BFGA 2. With that seems to be coming a re-examination from a small bit of writers, especially those who write Chaos well. I’ll cite examples such as the Fabius Bile trilogy, where it is acknowledged that the worship from the innumerable lines of mutants and new men spawned by Bile’s gene-tampering clings to him like a cloak, and “Pater Mutatis” is coalescing, or perhaps even already exists, as a chaotic entity within the warp. Vashtorr, Greater Daemon Undivided and Lord of the Soul Forge, has at least one warband who view him as a patron and focal point of worship, and he, as other daemon’s of sufficient power, offers them blessings and mutations in line with his sphere of influence. Yesugei, sealed away in the Blood Gorgon’s Cauldron of Blood, is their patron daemon, while the warband itself still venerates the Pantheon yet declare themselves free of the slavery to them other warbands and legions are bound to. Hell, somewhere in the warp, Madail still exists, Greater Daemon and Herald of Chaos Undivided
I think, as time goes on, many more writers are going to begin taking the nuanced, diverse approach to Chaos. I’d challenge the idea that Aetheric Dominions are a means of introducing future Chaos Gods to the setting, but rather that the five “open seats” or points on the octed star operate as contested spheres, planes of Chaos in which the big 4 all have stakes in, and thus those under which more powerful and, distinctly undivided entities can spawn and operate. With any luck, I believe even more diverse and interesting Chaos Cults may be featured, one’s whose beliefs don’t just boil down to “HARHARHAR I sip the blood of virgins from the skulls of my enemies in the name of my Dark Masters! Now bring me more heads to bash with my axe!” No, instead we’ll start seeing things like “The burning man comes, the head of a black wolf atop his ash-flecked molten form, and he commands me to spill the blood of the dishonorable… and there is none among this whole planet with honor aside from myself and my kin.”

Someone help me please I am in deep pain, 2 months ago I woke up at night burning since then i was feeling pins and needles all over my body from head to toe. For a while it improved but now I feel like hot water is dropping on me. I saw several doctorsthey did blood tests and spinal x rays, since all was normal only vitamin D was below normal 23, which doctors said is common and nothing to worry about. they prescribed me antidepressants and decided it is anxiety. I don’t want to take antidepressants because I feel like and my body is telling me that something else is causing it. I also have muscle cramps I am female 27 and want to live my ordinary life this is real hell I am going through but don’t want to give up and I am looking for way out of it, will take any advice to help me out of this situation.

(Disclaimer: this is essentially my life story, so I understand if you don't want to sit and read a full novel of some depressing fuck's cry for help, but I couldn't find a way to condense it, sorry.)
Life is shit right now. It's taken a long time for me to admit it, but there's just no more beating around the bush anymore. I'm trapped in a profound sadness that refuses to loosen it's hold on me, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it all, I never have, but I've just been through so much that it's hard to believe things could ever get better.
I'm 24(M), and 4 years ago I lost both of my parents, 10 months ago my girlfriend of 6 and a half years broke up with me, and just a few weeks ago the company I had been planning to work for over half my life shut its doors for good. Now I'm sat with no clear path forward and a brother trying to take what little I have left, and I just don't know how to move on.
I lost my dad on February 29th, 2020. He had been in and out of the hospital for the past couple months for constipation, didn't think much of it, he was 68 after all. One night I come in to visit him in the hospital and I walk in on a surgeon explaining something to him and my mother. It turns out that results from the latest test had come in and a polyp had burst in his large intestine, he was quickly developing sepsis and if they didn't operate soon he wouldn't see the sunrise. A few minutes to sort his thoughts and make some calls to my aunts for advice and he decided that the surgeon who talked to us was more than welcome to operate since he offered, it just so happened he was one of the highest rated gastro-intestinal surgeons in Texas (don't know if I got the name of the surgeon right, my bad). So they prep him for surgery and as they wheal him off to put him under he grabs onto my hand, with tears in his eyes, and says "Take care of your mother." He had a look in his eyes, he didn't think he'd get to open them again. But sure enough a few anxiety-inducing hours later the surgeon comes back out and lets us know that everything went off without a hitch, they managed to remove the blockage and clean everything up without issue. Dad spent the next week in recovery at that hospital, but I only managed to visit him there once. I hate hospitals, but I love my dad, so when I saw him in there, all strapped up with hoses poking in and out of him, I put a smile on and rubbed his feet like I always did (he broke both his legs and shattered an ankle years ago, the man was lucky to walk to begin with, so you'd better believe I'd help in any way I could). That's the last picture ever taken of me and my dad, with him strapped to a hospital bed and me giving him a foot massage. The next time I saw him he had been discharged without me knowing, so I headed back home to our rural town late one night when he said I could visit. I'd had a lot to think about then, I'd always thought I had so much more time with Dad, that I'd only have to say goodbye when I was good and ready and he had seen us through our biggest moments. By then I wasn't so sure, so I sat with him on that Friday night and just talked, for as long as I could. I told him the little things I'd been hanging on to for far too long, the kinds of things that didn't matter in the slightest but you'd never tell your parents because you're too embarrassed. I told him about how I bumped into someone at a stoplight right after high school, but I convinced the other guy not to get insurance involved because I didn't want him to know and end up costing him more money, so I just used all of my savings and my graduation gift to pay the guy off after he replaced his rear bumper. All dad had to say about that was "you should have gotten insurance involved, that's what it's for." We laughed, and he thanked me for telling him, said it proved that I was the man he always wanted me to be. We talked about a lot, I tried to hug him tight, but since the surgery was on his gut they couldn't just stitch him up. He was so bloated before the surgery that he looked pregnant, so the skin around his gut was delicate and they had to bandage him up and put this weird circulator on him to keep it clean. Either way, I hugged him as best I could, told him I loved him, that he should take it easy, and that I'd talk to him soon. I remember looking through the door as I walked away, he was just laid up in bed watching TV. I gave him a peace sign as I walk off, he always did the same, whether we were looking or not. That was 9:30 PM. At 6 the next morning I woke to my mom calling me in tears, she said dad was gone. They had spoken after I left, talked about what we discussed, and he said he couldn't get comfortable in bed so he'd moved over to the recliner in the living room. He didn't wake up. Later on when we finally got the reports back they said he had passed peacefully in his sleep due to a heart attack. Dad had heart problems before, he had a quadruple bypass when I was about 8 and a stint placed in later on due to a murmur in his heart, and ever since he'd been taking meds. There were so many little details that stuck with me from that day. He was wearing a pair of socks I gave him when I came back on the 29th. The night before he said he didn't think he'd wake back up after the surgery, but he did, which meant God wasn't done with him yet. I still remember the sound of my mom's sobs from behind the wall of my bed, my brother and I stayed with her for the first week afterwards.
I was always aware that I had a great life, but I had never lost anything so major, never had something so horrid and life-changing happen to me. One moment I was getting used to my new classes for the semester in college, and the next thing I knew my life had flipped ass over teakettle and the world was imploding. The combination of the pandemic hitting right as I experienced the worse loss of my life, in the middle of my second year of college, certainly didn't help either. To be honest, it's still a blur. I don't remember much of those months, only that the days blurred together as I barely perceived time passing. The semester ended, and one day when my brother are checking on Mom, she suddenly rushed out the door with a sack of vodka bottles in tow, got in her car, and drove off to work. We had worried she may have fallen off again, but had been hoping against hope she wouldn't. Mom had been alcohol my entire life, I won't get into it, but when we went to her work and my brother drove her home, we had to carry her upstairs ourselves after she fell into a potted plant with vomit on her shirt. Not too long after we staged an intervention and had her checked back into rehab. At the end of her first month she would decide if she'd stay for a second and third, and despite the pleas of my brother and I, she wouldn't listen. We said we were done with her. We had given her all the love and support we could, but if that wasn't going to work then we'd resort to our only other option and cut her out. When she checked out of rehab I drove her home. I thought I could try one last time to talk some sense into her, that maybe she'd listen to reason. In the end she just ignored me, so I said everything I could think to say. If it was going to be the last time I got to talk to her, then I'd make use of that ride home and tell her everything I could think of. Just like Dad. I dropped her off at the family home, gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and watched as she got smaller in the mirror as I drove away. About a week later on July 9th, I got a call from my brother and my Aunt, her little sister. She was gone. They found her in a CVS parking lot in her car, upside down. She had been there for hours. We don't know exactly what happened. She may have had a seizure. All we know is that the reports came back with "complications due to alcohol abuse and fatty liver."
After that, the estate fell to my brother and I as the sole inheritors. I'm thankful for everyone that came out of the woodworks to help us. Our aunts helped with the will and all of the proceedings that came after. A lot had to be done, and a 20 year old still in college (me) and a 24 year old fresh out of college (my brother), were not the ones capable to taking care of it all. It took months to sort it all out. Hell, some of it never got resolved because we just never knew what to do. What matters is that we had the time and space to grieve, and so I did.
It turns out I've always had depressive tendencies, but at this point I had fully developed an Anxiety and Depressive disorder. It came to a head one Summer day when I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd always wrestled with the concept of Death, that after everything that happens in your life it all just ends, nothing, just an end to all, void, nothingness. I hated it. It stills sends me into panic attacks to this day, and has since I was a child. That Summer day I hit rock bottom, and I couldn't think of anything else, because what else could matter if it was all going to end anyway? Why should I care? I'm not going to care when I'm gone, so why care now? It's not like I'll be around to regret leaving if I chose to end it all. These were the thoughts that flooded my mind, and they wouldn't go away. I took a walk. I went through my neighborhood, cut through the trees at the cul-de-sac near the bottom of the hill, and came to a path that led to a nearly dry creak. the water was barely flowing, but I was sweaty and I wanted to sit. So there I sat and contemplated it all. The absolute inconsequentiality of life and all its meaninglessness. I looked down and saw a rock, picked it up, and thought to myself just how long it would take to bash my brains out and end it all right there. Sure it would hurt, but only for so long, then it would be gone, and I'd stop hurting. I don't know how long I really sat there looking at that rock, but eventually a family of four came walking down the path and I had to get up to get out of their way since I was sitting in the middle of the path. I dropped the rock, let them pass, and walked back home. after that I called my friends, got the name and number for their doctor, and booked an appointment later that week. Ever since then I've been medicated and I'm better for it. I don't believe in those thoughts anymore, but it scares me that I got to a point that I nearly listened to them. I've back to that creek bed since, and it's actually very pretty right after a storm, when all the trees are still dripping with rainwater.
Fast-forward a few years and it's May 2023, I struggled and I stumbled, but I felt like I had made progress. I felt far from past it, but I was moving on. I graduated with a Bachelor's in Science for Art and Entertainment Technologies. I didn't know exactly what I'd do with it, but I felt like I could figure it out with the city I was in. I went up to celebrate my girlfriend's graduation a few weeks later up in Missouri, we had been together for six and a half years. We met in high school in the same friend group, stuck through college in a long-distance relationship, and I thought we would go all the way. Over that summer after we both graduated she had to take one last internship to finish up her degree. I visited when I had the chance, but over the course of the summer I worked to make sure the house lived in would be ready for her, ready for two people to live in together once we finally started our lives together. She spent another two and a half months in Missouri, and the day she got back on July 29th she broke up with me. She had her dad drive her down the night before, and she spent that night with me after the long trip. The next morning after waking up and having breakfast, she sat me down and said she didn't think we should be together anymore. It was something she decided on over the Summer, she said she'd been thinking about it for a bit and finally had a gut feeling that we should split up. There wasn't anyone else, she actually explained that it was the opposite. She had lived her entire life with barely any privacy. As the middle child of 6 children she rarely, if ever, got a moment to herself. She only ever had one room to herself, but even then it was in a smaller house with 4 other people, and no locks on her door. When she left for college she had to share a dorm with her roommate, and when she came back for the Winter and Summer breaks she stayed with me (I also have a housemate, so even then the privacy wasn't perfect). Over the course of that last Summer she finally had a room all to herself, a single dorm for 2 and a half months. During her internship it was the exact same, she worked in an archive, which are quiet on a bad day and silent as the grave every other day. Couple that with the fact that she only ever work with one other person (her supervisor), and that's if they worked with anyone else there at all, for 40 hours a week. She told me that summer gave her the alone time she never had the chance to take before, and spent a lot of it thinking, spending all the time she never got before to be alone with her thoughts. A couple weeks before she came back she had come to the conclusion that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She gave me a lot of reasons for want to split up, that being one of them. The biggest reason, one she said she couldn't ignore, was that she thought we were becoming two very different people. She said she didn't think we would work if we stayed together, that the way she saw us going, it just wasn't going to work out. She told me she still loved me, but when I asked if it was in the same way as before, she could only shake her head. I still regret asking that. She left with her sister later that day, and came back with her family the next to pack up all her things and leave. When she was busy inside, I took a moment to talk to them and ask if I did anything wrong, they all said no. They said she was just the most independent person they all knew, and that I had nothing to be sorry for. It didn't help. When they were done she gave me one last moment with her, one last tear-stained kiss goodbye, but when she turned in the driveway to hand me back the extra key to the house, I broke down. I stood by the door just long enough to watch their car fade from view as they drove away, then I went back inside and collapsed into a void of sorrow and self-pity.
That was 10 months ago. I'd like to say I've made progress, but some days it's hard to believe that. In the time since I've spent a lot of time on myself, learning who I was and what I wanted to be. The main sticking point I had with her reasoning was that she was so certain we were going to end up two completely different people, but I didn't even know who I wanted to be. If I didn't know who I was, let alone who I was going to be, how could she be so definitively certain? A lot of time and self-reflection brought up a plethora of questions I'd never thought to ask myself. With a rural backwoods public Texas education, it turns out that a lot of mental health issues can fall between the cracks. I found out that I'm on the Autism Spectrum (I get my full Psych Eval later this week, so that's nice), I learned that I'm demisexual, and also that I get extremely, soul-crushingly lonely when I'm single. All my best friends had to move out of state last February (it's a long story but I can explain if necessary), so when we split up I had next to no one to fall back on nearby. I had acquaintances and others I could call, but the people I loved the most were a 13 hour drive away. I made the trip when I could, but it just wasn't the same. It's ironic though, I found a therapy service through a podcast she introduced me to. I've been seeing a reliable and caring therapist for 9 and a half of the past 10 months, so I'm grateful for that. I've come to learn that even if the crushing loneliness hurts the most, finding a new relationship isn't the right step forward. I spent long enough trying to make that happen, now I know it can't fix anything, nor should it.
For a while I was starting to feel things turning around. Not so much getting better, but it was a start. Then It got to February, and along with it another tide of problems. My brother has always been the one to party, since he was in high school and all throughout college he was the one that got the drinks and people together. When we became independent he was the one that got on my ass about not wasting our inheritance and only using it when absolutely necessary. It's ironic then, that he was the one to call me in late Feb telling me he'd blown through it all and gone bankrupt. For this next part I need to provide some context, so I'm sorry if it drags on. I never planned on moving out of the family home, but mom and dad had waited long enough and wanted me out, so mom agreed to find a place for me to stay and provide housing until I graduated college. She was a realtor for a big real estate company for over 25 years, and it just so happened that the last neighborhood she sold from had a model home the company wanted to get rid of. She pulled some strings and in the end she got it for a steal, like half the market price for a house in the area, with a monthly payment similar to most apartments in the same city. I'm well aware of how privileged I was and still am to this day, I don't want people to think I don't recognize the luck I've been given. However, when our parents passed the entirety of the estate was split 50/50 between my brother and I. Meaning that the house that I lived in at the time, and still have for the past 4 and a half years, is only half mine. This never really sat well with me, so when I eventually brought it up with my brother and asked about becoming the sole owner of my house, he agreed that it was the right call. The problem, is that he told me that he hand over his half for half of what the house would be sold for at maximum market price. He didn't want what we'd paid for, he didn't want half of what it was bought at, nor did he want any reasonable price, he wanted the most amount of money he could get for a home that wasn't his, nor was ever meant to be his (I want y'all to know that I already feel like the most privileged asshole ever having typed all this out, sorry for sounding like a shithead). Somewhere along the way, he got it in his head that I had already agreed to pay what he wanted me to for his half, and when he called me late Feb and asked for money, he got upset with me when I told him that I didn't want to. He got angry and started talking about how I owed him for my house, how I already agreed to pay him and that he'd count whatever I gave him as the start to my payment for the property I've lived on for nearly 5 fucking years. I panicked, and though I regret it, I caved and gave him far too much money (more than I'm willing to admit), in hopes he'd leave me alone. Unfortunately over the past 4 months he's only gotten worse.
Before this time we (my brother and our Aunts) came to the conclusion that the family home we had turned into an Airbnb was no longer sustainable. While it had been profitable for a good few months in 2022, by late 2023 it had turned into a money sink. There was more and more wear and deferred maintenance popping up with each passing month that by the time 2024 rolled around we were forced to choose between selling it off or emptying the rest of our inheritance in an attempt to fix it back up with no promise that it would be worth it. It sucked to do it, I spend the first 20 years of my life in that house, but in the end we gave the go ahead and my Aunt helped us put it on the market when Feb rolled around. The housing market where it's built is extremely competitive, it's on the outskirts of a rural tourist town with a view to die for, so we didn't think it would be too much waiting around before we got an offer. That was 4 months ago, and we haven't heard a word since, even though the first estimate was 6 weeks to 6 months. The agent helping us with the house let us know that there were over 60 homes being sold in the surrounding area, with half of them at a very similar price point. I don't feel comfortable revealing exactly what the house is priced at, but to give an idea, the money I'd make off of selling it, even after being split in half and reduced by taxes, would be enough to completely pay off the mortgage on my house and then some. The kicker to all of this, is that the house isn't in perfect condition. Even considering all the detracting factors, I'd say the price we have the house listed at is more than fair for the area, but nobody wants to buy a fixer-upper at that price point, even if it is worth it. To make all these matter worse, I found out recently that my brother has STILL been holding house parties there, even though he has a perfectly good party place where he currently lives! I found out when my Aunt told me about a showing we were going to have, but my brother tried to call and tell her to postpone it because he was going to be having a party the day before the showing was scheduled. In the middle of all this, he texts me out of the blue, trying to get me to talk to him and discuss something. I'm having none of it and tell him that if he needs to get something off his chest, he can text me or leave me alone, I don't want to talk. So he ends up sending me full fucking paragraphs, going on about how he's hit rock bottom, how we have to close the joint account we've been using to pay all the shared bills and expenses, and how he's so sorry for being a shitty older brother. Near the end of it he throws in how he recently lost his girlfriend to a drunk driver and that he's in mourning. I went digging and it turns out the girl he mentioned, who did tragically pass in an accident and was heavily mourned in the community, was not in a relationship with him for the past year and a half. I didn't know this until a month later though, so this all came out of the blue in a time where I just wanted to be done with him, so now I had no clue what to think. The way he spoke and said all the right things to make me feel for him hurt, it made me want to drive over to his house and throw my arms around him and tell him that he'd be okay and he wasn't alone. Then we found out about the party, and he never stopped using the joint account for all the bullshit personal spending he'd been using for before at liquor stores and bars, so I got to see first-hand what all he was spending both of our shared funds on (this is only one account I put money into when we need to pay bills, the majority of my money is in my own personal savings account that he doesn't have any access to). In short: he made it real obvious that everything he said to us was a complete and total lie, after pleading with me and making me take on the task of cancelling half the bills we had tied to the joint account just to save him the time and effort. He manipulated me, and it was plain as day to see it.
Now I'm at a point where I just have to wait for something to happen. I can't do a damn thing to change my shitty situation with my brother and my home. I want to cut him off, become fully independent, and leave all the trauma I have with him, but I literally can't. I have to wait until the family house is sold or he tries to come after me and my livelihood. I tried my best to research my options, but there's nothing I can do with my house unless he signs over his portion to me, and he won't do that unless he gets what he wants. The only thing I've been able to think of is that I could possibly take him to court and argue that his actions caused the selling price of our family home to go down, but I don't even know if that's possible or what it would do for me. I don't want to sue my brother, I just want to be done with him. I want to scream and yell and make him understand the stress he's put me through, make him feel the pain he's caused me my entire life just for wanting him to like me. I want to make him know just how much it hurts to have put so much effort into someone that was never going to care in the first place, but more than anything, I just want to be done with him.
I did the math, and unfortunately I now know that I have a time limit for the family home to be sold. Meaning that if the home isn't sold by the new year and we have to pay the property taxes again, I'll be the one taking the full brunt of that responsibility. If that happens I will either not have enough money in my savings to cover that cost, or I'll have just enough to pay for it and have nothing left. Either way, with how much the maintenance of everything has been draining our finances, I'd have to sell my current home to pay for the costs after property taxes are dealt with. It would solve so many issues if I just sold off my house, but it would hurt so God damn much. I've put so much effort into this house to try and make it feel like a home, make it feel like my home. When the world was falling apart and I lost everything else, this one house and the memories I made here were what kept me going. There are days where it feels like it's all I've got left. The last thing I want is to lose this house. I know I'd end up fine. I'd have funds left over to take care of me after it's sold, and the family home would sell eventually, but none of that would matter. I can see how long I might have left in this house in the pages left on the calendar hanging from my wall, and all I can do is wait for the other shoe to drop to see if I'm losing this too. All I can do is sit and fester in this shitty void of depression and anguish while I wait to find out what happens. I hate it.
When I didn't think anything could get worse, just a handful of weeks ago I idly checked Facebook and saw that my ex, the love of my life, had found herself a new boyfriend. Soul-crushing couldn't begin to describe what I felt. I thought I'd made progress, thought I'd said goodbye to my desire to rekindle what we once had. I thought I'd finally started to move on, but I suppose I didn't know how wrong I could be. She had changed her profile picture to one with her and him standing together, arm in arm. She looked so God damn gorgeous. I couldn't get over the fact that she had never done that when we were together, I guess I still haven't. I'm not even mad at her, or him, or anyone, I'm just in pain. I want her to be happy, she deserves to be happy, but all I can focus on is just how much I miss her. I saw her post about how they went to the zoo and it broke me. I've checked her Facebook so many times and I know I shouldn't, I keep telling myself that it's only going to hurt, but I still do it and it always breaks me down even more. For a short time she changed her picture to a different one and removed her relationship status, so I thought they had broken up. I feel guilty for even admitting it but it made me feel hope, like we still had a chance. I didn't want to give in to that feeling and set myself up for disappointment, but I couldn't help but feel like maybe she thought of what we had and there was a chance that the knowledge of who we were now would be enough to start something new. But I was wrong. She changed it to a new picture of the two of them a few days later, and it broke me all over again. It's strange, every time I start to feel like something is working, like I'm making some kind of progress, another bombshell comes hurtling around and blindsides me. I keep trying to get back on my own two feet, and I keep getting knocked back down. I feel myself becoming more and more jaded throughout all of this, and I'm trying so hard not to let myself become that. I feel the desire to just give up building more and more as the hurdles keep tripping me up, and I hate how appealing it's started to become. I'm just trying to find out who I am GOD DAMNIT, why can't anything just go fucking right.
I haven't had the motivation to do anything, it's always been an issue in my life that I've constantly fought against. From applying to college to finishing finals, I've only ever done the work that was most important when I had no other choice and at the last possible moment. Motivation and passion; these are the two things I've struggled with the most for the past year. I always knew that if I was going to find fulfilment in life, those would have to be my two guiding lights, or I'd end up sad and disappointed no matter where I found myself. Nothing seems to help, I can have fun when I make the conscious effort, but it doesn't feel the same. Now more than ever I've been putting in so much effort just to find out where I'm meant to be and what I'm meant to do. I've done and tried so many different things just to gain a better understanding of who that guy in the mirror staring back at me really is. I know I've made progress, logically it cannot be ignored that the steps I've made to get to the point that I have in life have done something, but it's gotten just so damn hard to see, and even more so to believe. There are days where I go through all the motions, I wake up, I eat, I do the things that I used to enjoy, but all I can think about is her and the amazing times we had. I think about all the plans we had together, the plan I had to ask her to marry me, the life we planned on building together. It just doesn't stop, but I'm doing so much to try and move forward. I just don't know if it's doing anything, if I'm just spinning my wheels in place while waste away on the inside. I schedule weekends where I can get away from it all and take a trip somewhere a few hours away, because even if I could be doing something else while I'm here, even I can recognize that a change in scenery and something new could always help. Sometimes it does help, other times it just feels like a distraction, and other times it just brings me back to the trips I used to take with her and the only thing I can think about is how much fun we'd be having if we were there together.
I used to think I knew what career I wanted in life. From a very young age I only ever wanted to work for the same company that produced the shows I grew up watching online. The things they made got me through so many darker times, and made the bright ones all the better to remember. I picked up new hobbies and learned new skills just to try and have an edge when I finally worked up the courage to apply for a job. I even picked up 3D modeling in high school just to get a head start from the inspiration their shows gave me. Then everything went to shit in my life, I lost nearly all direction, and I ended up too little too late. Two weeks ago the company that I'd been following for over half my entire life shut its doors for good, and I got to see one of my life-long dreams turn ash. At least I got to be there to say goodbye. They gave a lot to me, so I'm happy I at least got the chance to let them know that before they were gone.
I want to move on, I really do. Amidst the maelstrom of everything that's happened to me, and the deluge that still is happening to me, it just feels impossible that I ever could move on. I only just made my first resume last week for the first job I've every applied to, and it's at a retail store with nothing to do with what I studied in college. I want to make progress in life. I want to live. But I feel like I haven't had a life to live for so long now, and I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for the novel-length text dump of exposition and self-pity, I just didn't know what else to turn to.

I’ve watched so many videos about sidestepping and have tried all the various “become a god of sidestepping in just 5 minutes” and most of them didn’t work very well. So I’ve been kinda just forcing myself to focus my gameplan around sidestepping to figure out when it works. Basically forcing to learn how to do it proficiently by banging my head against a wall until it works. I feel like so much of it is a gamble. So many moves have soft tracking attached to them. I’m trying to recognize patterns and I’ve been using the sidestep block method as well as the sidestep get launched method and die. I’ve been doing it when I’m -4 or better. Whether I’m attacking or defending. Is there a secret to knowing when I’m able to sidestep? Is there a faster way to learn? Are there certain strings or distances where side stepping becomes more appropriate? What are your usual strategies for sidestepping? (I play asuka. However I’ve been keeping it easy on myself and playing Jun instead since she can sidestep cancel her f3; 1,2 and Miare stance. Also do a little on nina and Lily, but I don’t know combos with them or their moves. I just know I can punch punch sidestep punch punch sidestep sway etc… last note, I’ve managed to sidestep and punish in every match today, but I got beat up more often than they did.)

Long post ahead but I’ve been researching for months now and I’ve found SO many women battling with the same post quitting their birth control. Here’s my story. I AM NOT a medical professional but my SIL is - and has given me life saving context to what I’ve been going through.
Backstory: I went on birth control about a year ago, together with spironolactone for acne. Yaz and 100mg of spiro. My skin went through a rollercoaster and was the clearest it had ever been. I also lost a bunch of weight (which is a well documented effect of both, YAZ & Spiro). Fast forward a year and I got married and had a work trip come up to Japan. Here’s where it got crazy.
I was already cutting down on my spiro for months now - down to 50mg a day (2 tablets) with zero side effects. Now I was expecting to lose some weight in Japan bc of my diet (vegetarian without egg). I head to Japan, take my pill & spiro daily. Not too much food but im hitting my calories AND im doing a good 20k steps (up to 30k on some days) daily. For 15 whole days. I swear I thought I was coming back lighter. I come back home, quit birth control and head to the gym and have the shock of my life. From 53 kg I was up to 56.9kg in 15+ days. Wtf.
I buck up and start gyming 3/4 times a week. Focus on protein, calorie counting, steps. The whole nine yards. 2 weeks later Im up to 59 kg with absolutely ZERO change in muscle. FML. I start inositol, vitamins, potassium rich foods waiting for some damn results. Im getting bulkier and somehow puffier. WELL SH*T.
Finally, one full month later I do blood work - my cholesterol which has always been normal (with high good cholesterol) is out of whack. My bad cholesterol is UP! I check my thyroid? She’s fine. Insulin is stellar (4.6 POST MEAL? Maybe im hypo but thay doesn’t explain anything). Everything else is simply perfect. How the f*ck did I gain 6+ kilos and pump up my cholesterol with all that exercise, clean eating, calorie counting AND on a damn vegetarian diet?
Simply put by my doctor SIL. Birth control. Withdrawals to be precise.
So I played the waiting and weighing game. Threw away my fitness pal. And just trusted my body with clean eating and inositol. My period rolls around and voila. Im down to 56. Dropping pounds daily. Turns out estrogen loves fat. Loves it enough to have completely changed my body shape while getting off. Seriously my hips went up almost 4 inches and are suddenly going back to normal now. I also had moon face, terrible gas and bloating, highly irritable. Basically nightmare body and mind.
Maybe this isn’t everyone’s experience but if someone else is out there frantically looking to understand if quitting birth control causes weight gain and all this other slurry of shit. YES it does. Youre not alone. Be patient.
What worked for me: • cutting the stress (it fucks w your hormones and holds fat) (i.e. stop calorie counting and obsessing) • inositol, b vitamins and probiotics (your body is depleted of them post hormones) • WAIT for that damn first period. It does wonders.

I'm about to in your smart little mouth and you're going to swallow all of it. Do you understand? He didn't let me answer, holding my head in place as his filled my mouth. He waited until I had swallowed every drop before he released me and I fell to the bed, sobbing. Zipping himself up, he stalked to the door, then paused and turned to smirk at me. Don't even bother to tell anyone about this. Or you and your mother will suffer. And get ready, because this is just the beginning. *** Jasmine Scott is an omega, a nobody. Born in the slums and living with her struggling, single mom, she is an outcast at her school. Until her mom gets married to the alpha. Relieved that her status has been elevated, Jasmine is glad to be part of the alpha’s family except that Hardin Scott, the alpha’s gorgeous son is out to torment her. Hardin hates Jasmine. She might be his step-sister but she is no blood of his. He knows she is a gold-digger out to get his father’s money and for that she must be punished. But what happens when he starts lusting after his step-sister? Hardin craves for a taste of his step-sister's body and he won’t stop until his sensual mark is branded on her skin. Read more

Im sick of hearing "primacy but not supremacy" its the same thing primacy is defined as "the fact of being primary, preeminent, or more important." and is even used in 1960s Catholic theology books. Affirming papal primacy doesn't go with eastern orthodox theology. Also eastern orthodox can cope with "First among equal!" or "Extra honor but no extra authority!" that's completely wrong to the early church and first among equals isnt a good term, if i were always first at something i would be more supreme then another. In regards to the early church Heres some references, Quoted in “Athanasius Quoted works” page 110 Pope Julius Letter to the eusebians at Antioch “And why is nothing said to us (The Apostolic see) concerning the Alexandrians in particular, are you ignorant that the custom has been for word to be written first to us and then for a just decision to be passed from this place” so he is saying in the matter of disputes matter should be brought to the see of Rome as to make a judgment and this is the east he is speaking to not just his patriarchal territories. Then he goes on and says “I beseech you readily bare with me what i write is for the common good, for what we have received from the Blessed apostle Peter that i signify unto you and i should have not written this as deeming that these things should be manifest unto all men had not these proceedings so disturbed us”
some might say this is peter syndrome where we get all giddy and excited when peter is mentioned and Rome is mentioned but i would like to say Pope Julius said he has received something from the Blessed apostle Peter that disputes in the east should be brought to his judgment to be settled.
Now from the writings of the early Church Historian sozomen source: Volume 2 of the nicene and post nicene fathers second series. Book 3 Chapter 10. Heres what he says about this whole affair of Pope Julius writing to the antiochians and what he ment in that segment “the bishops of Egypt having sent the declaration in writing, that these allegations were false and julius having been apprised (to give information to someone) that Athanasius was far from being in safety in egypt send for him to his own city he replied at the same time to the letter of the bishops who were convened at antioch (convened: to bring together a group of people for a meeting, or to meet for a meeting) for just then he happened to receive the epistle and accused them of having planned clandestinely(in a secretive and illicit way.) introduced innovations Contrary to the nicene dogmas and of having violated the laws of the church by neglecting to invite him to join their synod for he alleged that is a sacral Canon which declares that whatever is enacted contrary to the bishop of Rome is null."
Now from Nicea II Pope Hadrians Letter
‘Stand firm; for if you abide with perseverance in the orthodox Faith in which you have begun and so through you the sacred and venerable images are restored in those regions to their former state—just as the lord and emperor Constantine of pious memory and blessed Helena, who promulgated the orthodox Faith, raised up the holy, catholic, and apostolic church of Rome as your spiritual mother, and with the other orthodox emperors venerated it as the head of all the churches...'"
"...of all the churches... If, moreover, following the traditions of the orthodox faith, you embrace the judgment of the church of the blessed Peter prince of the apostles and, as the holy emperors your predecessors did of old, so you too venerate it with honor and love his vicar from the depths of your hearts, or rather if your rule granted by God follows their orthodox faith in accordance with our holy Roman church, the prince of the apostles, to whom was given by the Lord God the power to bind and to loose sins in heaven and on earth."https://orthodoxchurchfathers.com/fathers/npnf214/npnf2258.html
the blessed Cyril, bishop of Alexandria, says: "That we may remain members of our apostolic head, the throne of the Roman Pontiffs, of whom it is our duty to seek what we are to believe and what we are to hold, venerating him, beseeching him above others; for his it is to reprove, to correct, to appoint, to loose, and to bind in place of Him Who set up that very throne, and Who gave the fulness of His own to no other, but to him alone, to whom by divine right all bow the head, and the primates of the world are obedient as to our Lord Jesus Christ Himself.
St. Damasus, Pope of Rome (A.D. 304-384)
“Although the catholic churches diffused throughout the world are one bridal chamber of Christ, yet the holy Roman church has been preferred to all other churches, not by any synodical decrees, but has obtained the primacy by the voice of our Lord and Savior in the gospel, saying: ‘You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church, and the gates of hell will never prevail against it; and I will give to you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven…..Therefore, the first see of Peter the Apostles is that of the Roman church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing” (Decree of Damasus, Roman Synod 382. Patrologia Latina 13.374; Jalland, T.G. (1944). Church and Papacy. London: Morehouse-Gorham Co. p. 255-57)
“For in view of our office there is no freedom for us, on whom a zeal for the Christian religion is incumbent greater than on all others, to dissimulate or to be silent. We bear the burdens of all who are oppressed, or rather the blessed apostle Peter, who in all things protects and preserves us, the heirs, as we trust, of his administration, bears them in us…[proceeds to list a number of errors being promoted in Tarragona (Spain)]… it is also inappropriate henceforth for you to deviate from that path, if you do not wish to be separated from our company by synodal sentence….Enough error on this matter! All priests who do not wish to be torn from the solidity of the apostolic rock, upon which Christ built the universal Church, should now hold the aforementioned rule…[lists more errors]…let them know that they have been expelled by the authority of the apostolic see from every ecclesiastical office, which they used unworthily…[lists more errors]… there is freedom for no priest of the Lord to be ignorant of the statutes of the apostolic see and the venerable decrees of the canons…” (Pope Siricius to Bishop Himerius of Tarragona 385 AD, Epistle 1, Directa Ad Decessorem. Patrologia Latina 13.1132; Ed. Pierre Coustant, Epistolae Romanorum pontificum (Paris, 1721; reprint Farnborough, 1967), 623-638.)
St. Innocent, Pope of Rome (401-417)
The reply of Pope St. Innocent in 417 to the Africans concerning their appeal on the controversy of Pelagius/Celestius goes like this:
“In making inquiry with respect to those things that should be treated with all solicitude by bishops, and especially by a true and just and Catholic Council, by preserving, as you have done, the example of ancient tradition, and by being mindful of ecclesiastical discipline, you have truly strengthened the vigour of our Faith, no less now in consulting us than before in passing sentence. For you decided that it was proper to refer to our judgement, knowing what is due to the Apostolic See, since all we who are set in this place, desire to follow the Apostle (Peter) from whom the very episcopate and whole authority of this name is derived. Following in his steps, we know how to condemn the evil and to approve the good. So also, you have by your sacerdotal office preserved the customs of the Fathers, and have not spurned that which they decreed by a divine and not human sentence, that whatsoever is done, even though it be in distant provinces, should not be ended without being brought to the knowledge of this See, [39] that by its authority the whole just pronouncement should be strengthened, and that from it all other Churches (like waters flowing from their natal source and flowing through the different regions of the world, the pure streams of one incorrupt head), should receive what they ought to enjoin, whom they ought to wash, and whom that water, worthy of pure bodies, should avoid as defiled with uncleansable filth. I congratulate you, therefore, dearest brethren, that you have directed letters to us by our brother and fellow-bishop Julius, and that, while caring for the Churches which you rule, you also show your solicitude for the well-being of all, and that you ask for a decree that shall profit all the Churches of the world at once; [40] so that the Church being established in her rules and confirmed by this decree of just pronouncement against such errors, may be unable to fear those men, etc.” (Pope Innocent I, Epistle 29, to the Council of Carthage (In requirendis). Jan 27, 417 AD. Patrologia Latina 33.780)
Pope St. Zosimus (AD 417)
Innocent’s successor, Pope Zosimus, continued to write letters to Africa concerning the same Pelagian issue:
“Although the tradition of the Fathers has attributed such great authority to the Apostolic See that no one would dare to disagree wholly with its judgment, and it has always preserved this [judgment] by canons and rules, and current ecclesiastical discipline up to this time by its laws pays the reverence which is due to the name of Peter, from whom it has itself descended …; since therefore Peter the head is of such great authority and he has confirmed the subsequent endeavors of all our ancestors, so that the Roman Church is fortified … by human as well as by divine laws, and it does not escape you that we rule its place and also hold power of the name itself, nevertheless you know, dearest brethren, and as priests you ought to know, although we have such great authority that no one can dare to retract from our decision, yet we have done nothing which we have not voluntarily referred to your notice by letters … not because we did not know what ought to be done, or would do anything which by going against the advantage of the Church, would be displeasing.…(From the epistle (12) “Quamvis Patrum traditio” to the African bishops, March 21, 418. Patrologia Latina 20. 676; Denzinger, H., & Rahner, K. (Eds.). (1954). The sources of Catholic dogma. (R. J. Deferrari, Trans.) (p. 47). St. Louis, MO: B. Herder Book Co.)
MG 54.743. Jerome: "I keep the unity in communion with your Beatitude, that is, with Peter's chair. I know that the Church has been built upon that rock." (Epist. 15.1, to Pope Damasus, ML 22.355).
The Roman See is the "Apostolic Chair" or the "Apostolic See." Augustine: "The sovereignty of the Apostolic Chair was always in the Roman Church" (Epist. 43, ML 33.163); "Apostolic See" (Serm. 131.10, ML 38.734).
The Roman Church presides as a sovereign over all the other churches. Gregory of Nazianzus: "It presides over all" (Poems, 2.1.12, MG 37.1068); Theodoret of Cyrus: "That most holy see holds in many ways the sovereignty over the churches of the entire world, especially because it kept immune of heretical corruption, and never a dissenter sat in it, but everyone
The Roman See is the source of all rights in the Church. Ambrose: "From that See derive into all the rights of the venerable communion." (Epist. 11.4, ML 16.986).
"Rome has spoken, the case is closed" ("Roma locuta est, causa finita est"). This famous axiom derives from Augustine saying about the debate on Pelagian heresy: "Concerning this question two conciliar decisions have been sent to the Apostolic See: also rescripts came from there, hence the trial is over." (Serm. 131.10, ML 38.734).
The Roman Pontiffs themselves constantly asserted their primacy, as is shown in the following summary of their doctrine.
They apply to themselves Christ's words to Peter, Matt 16.18 ff.: "Thou art Peter..." and John 21.15-17: "Feed My lambs..." Thus Siricius, Boniface I, the "Decree of Gelasius," Hormisdas, Pelagius I, Nicholas I (Denz. 184, 234, 350, 383, 446, 640).
Sure, here is the transcription of the text from the third image:
The Roman Pontiff is Peter's moral person. Siricius: "[The Roman Pontiff is] the apostolic rock." (Denz. 184). Innocent I: "Whenever a question of faith is dealt with, all must refer only to Peter, that is, to the one who bears his name and his honor." (Denz. 218). Leo I: "The blessed Peter did not leave the government which he received... In his See [that is, the Roman] his power is alive and his authority is visible." (Serm. 32 f., ML 54.145 f.).
Peter remains in his successors. See Leo I, just quoted. Philip, apostolic legate to the Council of Ephesus: Peter "is always living in his successors." (Denz. 3056).
The Roman Pontiff is "Peter's heir" (Siricius, Denz. 181) and has "Peter's See" (Leo I, quoted above; Gelasius, quoted below).
The Roman Pontiff has "the care of all the churches." (Innocent I, Denz. 218; Leo I, Serm. 5.2 ML 54.153). He is "the head of all the churches" (Boniface I, Denz. 233; "Decree of Gelasius," Denz. 350; Pelagius I, Denz. 446, 640).
The honor of writing the last Latin manual of Scholastic theology truly belongs to Emmanuel Doronzo (1903-1976), the eminent sacramental theologian of Catholic University of America (Washington, D.C.) in the mid-to-late 20th Century. He wrote a complete, traditional Scholastic, dogmatic manual in 1966, a year after the closing of Vatican II
The Science of Sacred Theology by Doronzo Emmanuel.
https://obrascatolicas.com/livros/Teologia/Doronzo%20The%20Science%20of%20Sacred%20Theology%20for%20Teacers%20Bk%204.pdf
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/davearmstrong/2018/02/papal-participation-in-the-first-seven-ecumenical-councils.html since i was reasearching constantinople I i had came across this: "This council also was convoked by an emperor, Theodosius I. [Ibid.] The language of his decree suggests he regarded the Roman see as a yardstick of Christian orthodoxy."
Pope Vigilius came to become Pope amid much turmoil in 537, as his predecessor, St Silverius, had been accused of treason, defrocked, and exiled by Belisarius, the general under Empress Theodora. Silverius had refused to re-instate the monophysite patriarch of Constantinople, whom Pope Agapetus had deposed — even here, a recognition of the canonical authority of Rome to depose and judge the other most prominent and important Sees of Christendom was something the Popes fought bitterly to maintain against the emperors.
Where was this canonical authority established? In fact, it was as old as the Church itself. When Athanasius had been exiled by a judgment of the Alexandrian Church, Pope Julius had written on his behalf (341): “Judgment ought to have been made, not as it was, but according to the ecclesiastical canon. It behoved you all to write us so that the justice of it might be seen as emanating from all.” Again: “Are you ignorant that the custom has been to write first to us and then for a just decision to be passed from this place [Rome]?” For Pope St Julius, the judgment of Athanasius which had not sought approval from Rome was a canonical novelty: “not thus are the constitutions of Paul, not thus the traditions of the Fathers. This is another form of procedure, and a novel practice.” However, the reference of judgment to the Apostolic See was something taught by the Apostle Peter: “For what we have heard from the Apostle Peter, these things I signify to you.”
Cope.

[Let me know if a chapter a week is okay; I'm thinking it might be a bit too often. Run Zero: https://redd.it/1csb71x Run One: https://redd.it/1cwxbsg]
The mining foreman refused to go to sleep, and watched intently as Tightniks finally reached over and set it home with one hand. Its last nervous little sigh was the only thing he remembered-
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...
32s: First trap.
He built it big this time, and there are six trimps in there. They look familiar somehow, the light one with dark hair and an unusually short and broad tail compared to the rest, a big-eared green one, a grey one, a yellow one, and a red one with big paws and "XIII" on its rump, and a brown one with pink ears that takes the lead and cheers, "Kakka!" Once he lets them out, they all follow him intently around like just-hatched birds do their mother. He shows them the busted off cockpit and forward cabin of the ship he just crashed and they get inside and start da- ...nope, sticking with "dancing". He busies himself looking for the survival pad.
Until he hears the squeak of a baby trimp. They're feeding it- ...rocks. Carefully selected, aluminate rocks. What the heck are they doing? Whatever, I've got to get some conventional food for- What's that? He's got the survival pad already, but this was outside the ship, it must have materialized when he descended through that glowing grey mist getting out. He gets it flipped over and turned on.
"Manual portal activation 2 successful:" it displays, "rare shield equipped 54%Stg 14%Atk MT 0 Nu loaded / 399 He loaded / Metal challenge active / Total portal activation 956"
Metal challenge? The human selects it.
"You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to bring you to an alternate reality, where the concept of Miners does not exist, to force yourself to become frugal with equipment crafting strategies. If you complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling the challenge, miners will re-unlock."
He's so confused, What the Loy is a Dimension of Anger? I think I have a headache from this high gravity. Sits down for a moment.
Notices that one of the trimps is sleeping in a small deep hole just at the edge of the garden, apparently to have a nap in standing upright.
I don't believe you, "portal". I'm training that one first chance I get!
56s: Pop full.
There are ten of them already?? I'm still working this derpy little potato patch to get enough food to bulk up just ONE of the- He looks at the portal pad and blurts out loud, "Fifty-six SECONDS??" He postulates that he's in a time-dilated environment, and that the portal is measuring time somewhere "out there", this "map frame" environment. It's like those Star Trek episodes he can't remember "Wink of an Eye" and "Blink of an Eye" that he can't quite remember. [One of them is Star Trek TOS, and one of them is Star Trek: Voyager and I forget which one came from where.]
1m57s: Arable in Z1c13.
The human walks along and one of the trimps viciously fights the various hostiles that try to come at him, staying ahead. Just behind, he finds that hole-digger busted into a cave big enough for 9 of them, and they start raising babies to fill it up.
3m37s: Miners in Z1c30.
It's broken! he notices of the data card he just picked up. It's one of the ones that flew out of the ship when he undogged the ship's side hatch, but it didn't survive. What was on it? He's got a vague memory of a big tanuki-tailed trimp, much bigger than the- Wait! This memory is of hole-digger all grown up. So this is- he looks at the smashed data card in his hand, ...this is the Miners card. At least there's some lying about so we're not totally deprived of metal.
That's odd. I'm sure I spent longer training this little guy than "one second map frame." The human looks at the black trimp with the grey head fur and silvery eyes, "So, can you say something yet?"
"Shijou." [Takane and Takanya are not black, it is their favorite clothing color.]
"Okay, can you say something else?"
9m12s: Zone 1, 40 pop, 3.5s RC with Z0/1, 13m19s turkimp. 12m55s: First scientist.
"Tai," his first scientist waves at him.
"Hmm," the human tries to think of a better test, "What color is the sky?"
"Shijou." The exasperated human is about to sigh in despair when he notices a card in its hands, with one word on it, "Blue."
"What?" he takes it, "You can't speak but you can write, huh?"
"Shijou," it twirls its paw off the end of the card in his hand. The human turns it over, and in small writing, it has "Technically, the sky isn't blue, it's a foible of Rayleigh scattering in an oxygen/nitrogen atmosphere. And you have 'TIGHTNIKS' embroidered on the left side of your uniform."
A look of astonishment sweeps over the human. I never taught it about Rayleigh scattering. Apparently, the scientist training has unlocked its brain to access the collected knowledge of a previous life! Then he looks at his uniform and groans, spanking his eyebrows in realization. The trimp had apparently noticed him wandering around the camp wracking his brain and talking to himself trying to remember his own name, and it's right there the whole time! He spanks his eyebrows again.
The very well fed grey-headed trimp starts doing experiments, leaving him to take the turkimp back to his farmers. Too bad it's only a quarter as fast at it as he is.
32m25s: Zone 3, 79 pop, 4.5s RC with Z1/2; c16, 79 pop, 6.8s RC with Z2/3.
"Nano! Nano, nano, nano." The D&B (that's dodge and block) foreman has an impressive yellow mane, light face, green body, and brown hind limbs, and moves like a blur when it decides to. When asleep, it's as unarousable as an exhumed fossil, except with the food article Yellow the scientist calls an "owny geary". [Puchim@s Afuu]
Helping it out is a brown-maned white trenching expert Tightniks finds oddly familiar. It has no problem mining, but couldn't start a fire if its life depended on it, so smelting is out of the question.
I guess that's how the Metal challenge really works. Too bad I suck at it. Tightniks is spending all his smelting time smacking out nails and joist hangers for the houses, and has nothing left for fighting gear.
1h53m25s: Zone 9, 306 pop, 7.9s RC with Z8/15, no turkimp.
The white trimp with the brown head fur- ...whichever one it is because it, or one that looks just like it, sometimes (apparently) burns itself up or blows itself up trying to build a metallurgical furnace. This one is digging a hole right now, into the concrete of some ruined building's foundation. It hits some strapping and rebar, makes a happy sound, follows it along and gets it sorta clear of the concrete bonded to it, and rips it out of the ground to throw on the metal pile. It now seems content to do that instead of trying to smelt ores.
"Red?" Tightniks glances at one of his scientists, "Do you think we could take it to- What's that place you said you visited five hundred years after some misty fight or-"
"Cloudy strife," it says, "Yeah, Midgimp is like that, we could probably map a route through there. Lots of metal. Especially the part that had an avalanche happen and fell down. Broke all that stuff out of the ground already." [Final Fantasy VII and Advent Children cinematic and Sector 7 collapse.]
"Okay," Tightniks says, "Let's do that."
5h32m02s: Zone 21, 2042 pop, 14.9s RC with Z20/232, no turkimp.
"Ooooookay," Tightniks growls, "There is something off about this thing."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the yellow one with concern about their human starship pilot friend.
The human stoops, picks up the little green gem on the ridge between Zone 20 and 21, looks at it, huffs, and asks, "Any idea where this comes from?"
"Err..." the red one seems hesitant to say, "I think you made it."
"Really?" the human huffs, "How could that be?" Then he tosses it at Red, "See if anything reacts to it. It might be radioactive, so we should take turns to minimize exposure."
"Really?" Red's holding it now, "What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm pissed off for no reason I can figure out," the human says, "I think it's coming from-" he gasps, "Waitamint!" He starts searching for the portal pad.
"Frags," the red one says quickly, "I think it's arranging a route. You're good with maps," it tosses the gem to the grey scientist.
The human has his portal pad up and reads aloud, "You have the Metal challenge active. Tweak the portal to- yada yada yada. Tiss tiss t- complete The Dimension Of Anger without disabling- miners will re-unlock."
\BOOM\** They turn to see (another of) the white brown-haired trimp'/s' attempts at a metallurgical furnace explode, and it seems both very frustrated and has really hurt its toe.
He snaps his fingers, "That's gotta be it. Although, does it mean 'miners' or 'furnaces'?" He re-reads the portal pad while the scientists shrug.
"Shijou," the grey one has just finished tracing the route map the gem was showing.
"Are we going any faster than on previous cycles, you think?" he asks Red.
"What's a cycle?" Red asks.
"We're stuck in time loop, you realize?" the human says.
"Well," the yellow one jumps off a little rock spire it was using to see farther ahead, directly into a seated position on the ground with an impressive thump the human can both hear with his ears and feel through the ground of the more-than-Earth gravity planet, "that explains a few things." The little scientist trimp seems quite morose at the news.
"This thing says the fastest we've ever got this 'anger' map done is ten hours, thirty-five, but the clock right now is at five hours, thirty-four." Tightniks tilts his head, frowns one eyebrow, and taps, "Getting it done faster increases attack damage somehow, and oh-"
"What now?" the yellow one asks, still seated beside the spire.
"It says we already got a 2.5%-er for having a million traps," the human says, "I don't remember doing that. Maybe..." he sighs, "Maybe that's a good thing, 'cus I'd probably go insane building them all. Still though, it says we're going faster, but it doesn't feel like it."
"How'd you know how it feels," Red asks, "if you don't remember it?"
"'Day jaw voo' I think is the term," the human says, "or something. The sense that all this has happened before, but I'm not quite remembering and there's no physical evidence of it."
"Shijooooooooooo..." the grey one moans, waving a card at him. On it:
"In order, but we don't know if that means chronological order or frequency/proportion of memories:
"- The ship crashes (pretty sure that happens every time) "- The human builds huts "- The human teaches some trimps to speak and do science "- The human builds houses "- The human makes maps "- The human builds mansions "- The human blows up and gets himself killed somewhere around Z17 to Z21, often on a dragimp "- The human only recently/occasionally builds hotels "- The human only recently/rarely tamed a dragimp "- The human only recently/rarely mapped the Dimension of Anger"
Tightniks sits down and offers it back.
"Tai," it flatly refuses to take it back, paws up and eyes closed.
"It's kind of a relief," Tightniks rubs his temples, then looks at it again, "knowing it ain't just me."
6h17m43s: Portal PB, 1% AP for sub-8h, 45 He, 7.149 He/hr, 2209 pop, 13.6s RC.
The last head of the map's boss monster goes limp as one of the fighting trimps' dagger points goes into it, and the huge thing settles on its tail, resting on the package that seems to be the prize of this map. And there's a popping sound, and then something mechanical.
Is that a scroll compressor? Tightniks looks at the package. The deflating monster's lifting envelope material drapes over everything underneath it. "Yellow, Shijou!" he snaps and points, "roll up that side of it. Keep this part from sucking down on the extractor nozzle!"
All ten of the scientists jump in, literally, pushing the gas in the bag towards the compressor. Tightniks as well, rolling up the front.
Until he kicks, and nearly trips over, a smaller package that might be the explanation for the reason why the center of the monster's defense seemed to be a little away from the big package he could see. It's in the right place, he realizes. He gets it uncovered and reads stenciled-and-sprayed block letters on it:
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE DOWN"
Perhaps the Dimension of Anger is so named because of the rage suddenly rising up in Tightniks' throat. It isn't so much as the free-floating aggression suddenly has an answer, there is definitely a fresh batch of rage and anger as he grips the nearest Dagger V, Mark 2 with both hands-
Refocusing on surviving the next few seconds, the pilot turns on the radar for the final approach and takes a last look around, then straight ahead at his forward camera and primary flight display...
He crouches, sets the dagger down gently, then starts clearing the debris from the box's grab iron. He tries to lift it- Damn, this is heavy! As he gets it turned over, gravity finishes the job, and it shakes the ground with an impressive thud as it falls right side up.
"DT TIME PORTAL / THIS SIDE UP" There's a square cutout in the middle of one side of it, with a sliding cover at the bottom of it.
"Get the pad!" he screams, seeing that his scientists are almost done rolling up the megablimp.
The grey one already has the survival data pad and offers it to him.
"The big one," Tightniks clarifies, "The big one." he picks up wide flat rainbow cable and its edge socket in one hand, "It goes here," he points at it with the other. "It must have come with me-" He had taken the small survival data pad and notices something, "Oh?" He starts looking around, "Hey!"
The white trimp with the brown hair is napping in a hole next to the smouldering remains of its latest attempt at a smelting furnace.
"Hey, mining buddy!" he whistles at it, "Mining buddy!"
It wakes with a start and rushes over, but doesn't seem to be in a good mood. But as soon as Tightnik shows it the survival pad, with all of the mining data installed just as if all those broken data cards and scorched scrolls were intact when he found them, fireworks goes off in the little trimp's eyes and it rushes off with the pad. Within minutes, the first furnace that works is chugging away at some ore and it returns to give the survival data pad back to Tightniks.
7h24m49s: Fresh turkimp; 7h25m30s: Labor reallocated.
The big-eared green lumber foreman's mood fell much further than the mining foreman's mood was before Tightniks packed up the turkimp roaster and moved just about everyone over to the smeltery.
The brown-haired, big-tailed white mining foreman was surprised at the change, and very happy. It had climbed up onto the helium compressor cart to check something on the pad a couple cells into the zone.
"Are you upset with me?" the red one asks the human.
"No, not at all," Tightniks says, "Are you getting the feeling that we had an upset at this point last cycle?"
"How would you know it was only the last?" Yellow asks, "Your memory's no better than ours."
"Right," the human sews another patch into his uniform, "However, I've only actually hit the switch on the portal twice, the first one on a challenge called Discipline, and the second on a challenge called Metal, which we just finished. It's easy to sort out from the statistics. I'm nervous it'll get harder to sort out when we're up to, oh," done fixing his uniform, he pops a bit of turkimp into his mouth and chews a couple times, "a few dozen or hundred manual cycles."
"Friggin' solve this faster than that, please," Red grumbles, "I know the emergency counter got to nearly a thousand, but..." he kinda trails off. Finally, he says, "I think we're remembering more cycle to cycle as we get more helium into it. I mean, I'm glad that isn't the only mechanic."
"Can't miss the supernova if it is," the human ponders.
"What?" Yellow chuckles.
"I'm remembering something from before all this, I think it was called a video game, where you'd go forward real-world in the simulation of a time loop, and your real-life head remembering what you did on previous cycles was the only mechanic," the human takes another bite, then dons his uniform shirt while chewing it. After his head pops out of the not-so-crisp-and-fresh uniform neck hole, buttons still done up, he finishes, "one of them had a supernova." [That would be Outer Wilds among the bunch of games with this mechanic, er, Minnit (I know it's spelled differently than "minute"), 12 Minutes, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and- ...I'm sure there are more.]
11h19m28s: Starting void 1 (L30).
With the thermal gloves on, Tightniks gets the void map into the portal device slot. It dematerializes and his fingers close where it used to be in his hands, then he yelps, stands up and starts dancing, "Oh crap, it's cold!" He quickly starts looking for stuff to bundle up. Once not too uncomfortable, he notices something, "You're having trouble, too?"
"No," Yellow and Red look at each other, "Well, not with the cold; this route has a poisonous atmosphere, slows down our young assimilating aluminum at the proper rate."
"Manning the traps will work at full speed, right?" Tightniks says.
"Should if your fingers can handle it," Red confirms.
11h33m57s: Void 1c100.
"You are one ugly muthaf[garble]!" he says when he sees the void boss, "Stay here, I'll be back." Runs some traps, grabs a couple helmets for the fresh volunteers, "Put these on."
"Shijou?" the grey one looks at the red one, really rather perplexed.
"I agree, that's not his usual accent," Red tilts his head, "Tightniks, what has gotten in to you?"
"Stop cheering me up," the human grumbles, "You think this is the real Quaid?"
"I think the cold is affecting him more than he realizes," Yellow offers.
"Phased plasma rifle in the forty watt range," but what the dizzy pilot actually throws at the zone boss is a Mace V-4, "and then I was thinking of breaking your neck."
[Felt like some- "Arnie? Well, the union is pulling out all the big guns today, huh?" (Tom Hanks as Sully) ...no, brain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, not Arnie Gentile (it was really funny to background Sully and listen to that line instead of "That's definitely you" in Terminator 2 while he's posing with the Minigun.) Arnie lines from Predator, Terminator 2, True Lies, Total Recall and The Terminator.]
"Tweak the portal," reads Tightniks from the portal controller aloud, but quietly, "to bring you to an alternate reality, where Trimps are bigger and stronger, to force yourself to figure out a way to build larger housing. Your Trimps will gather 50% more resources, but your housing will fit 50% fewer Trimps. If you complete The Dimension of Anger without disabling the challenge, your stats will return to normal."
"You will also open a new memory coolant unit," Yellow reads, "You think that'll cause a housing bonus?"
"Shijou," the grey one hands him a card saying "We have enough for another gateway."
"Oh, good," Tightniks hands it back after signing it, "Yes, build it."
"We're doing that next?" Yellow asks.
Tightniks sees the little fellow sitting on top of a mound that the human thought was a bowel movement pile from Draglimp, but it must be something more geological if trimps can climb it, let alone want to. "Yeah, I guess," the human answers, "It kinda scares me, I mean I'm going back, but what happens to you guys?"
"We have too much day javo or whatever you called it," Red says. He's usually on all fours, shakes his left hind leg as though something got stuck to his foot, "This isn't incrementing, I'm sure. 13 is less than 956."
"According to this, you'll be twice as big," Tightniks sets down the portal controller pad and stands up from the cart, "It's hard to imagine, especially for Shijou and Diggy. We'll clear thirty-six, that's it."
14h04m37s: Z33c95, IC.
"Are you sure we can make Zone 37 start?" the red one asks.
The yellow one is standing on Red's shoulders.
"It said we did last time," Tightniks taps on the crude leather bag strapped to his back, the portal pad inside it, "though maybe..." he tilts his head, rolls whatever he was sucking on in his mouth for a moment, "it just happened while I was building those traps. No, I'm sticking with that plan."
"If it's going to take that long," Red grinds its jaws sideways for a moment and lets its eyelids get lazy, frustration clear in its tone, "why do it again?"
"Because I've got a bad feeling about this 'Size' thing," Tightniks says, "it drops our resourcing by 75% assuming we build the same amount of housing as before, which we won't because of the reduced resourcing. We needed 65 capacity in the cabin and huts before we could do run the gypsum/paper wall machine we found. I have a funny feeling that never changes."
"We don't need 65 trimps to run it," Yellow says, "just three."
"Yeah," Tightniks says, "but a particular three that know what they're doing, and my day javoo is telling me the last of those is always the sixty-fifth."
"Shijou," the grey one moans from the other side of Tightniks. Didn't have a note this time, just kicking a little rock along as it walks.
"It thinks you're right," the red one growls forlornly, "Hating to say it, but I do too."
14h16m06s: Skel in c1, 50 bones purchased whipimp.
There's a thump at the cart, and then some commotion around it that's noticable enough for Tightniks to come over and take a look. The bone box is empty, all forty-nine titanium bones in it are gone. Tightiks brings his right hand up in front of him, and it's just a balled fist, the bone he was holding a moment ago is gone. As he starts looking for where he must have dropped it, he realizes maybe it's all related. Looking in the bottom of the empty bone box, he finds a note.
"I got you the whipimp. This new Bad Guy will begin spawning in your next zone at an average of 3 spawns per 100 enemies. I hope it helps, but I can't tell yet."
The note is in Tightniks' own handwriting, although lazy but with more consistent kerning. Is this from an older version of myself? Friggin' time travel.
14h18m48s: This L34 moun 160/27/79 calls itself "Magical Mountain" - I can't remember whether the Disney trademark is that or "Magic Mountain" ...I've seen a "Black Mesa" before, that's a Half-Life thing, and somebody on Reddit made pretend that "Dank Hill" was a King of the Hill thing (which is actually *Hank Hill, I think - it's hard to remember, it wasn't very good and I haven't watched it since the 1990s.)
19h32m00s: Doom/AT, 12816 pop, 80N, 37.7s RC with Z34/5298.
"Okay, we got that friggin' thing chocked," Yellow wipes its brow and almost bonks itself with the Mace VI-2 that it's holding, puts it down and makes sure the wedges are secure.
Grey, Red, and Green are packing more stuff around the huge boulder that chased them down a tunnel to make sure it doesn't do that again.
"Getting any day javoo?" Tightniks pants, hands on his knees, but apparently uninjured, or nearly so.
"Not at all," Yellow vehemently responds, slashing the air with its paw, "You?"
"Oh," Tightniks gets his breathing under control, "I think it was a human movie."
"Like a video on that pad?" it gestures at the human's pocket with the small one.
"No, a bigger screen," the human says.
"Fifty-five inches?" the trimp scientist chuckles.
"More like fifty-five feet," the human rubs the sweat out of his eyes, "Lots of people watching. It was called a sin."
"Ah," the trimp ponders, "Like a crime, vice, psychopathy or bad habit?"
"Er..." the human taps his forehead trying to remember, "Sorry, a cinema."
[The whole thing is obviously an homage to something I remember only slightly better than Tightniks, I think it was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. As I'm posting this, I sadly realize that Nick Rekieta's arrest was between when I wrote this and now.]
19h58m55s: Zone 37, 473 He, 23.67 He/hr, 13088 pop, 81N, 32.1s RC with Z34/5298, 2806 pop short, no turkimp.
The ship is without power, and Tightniks can't run the radar much without draining the batteries...

With the surging success of Thrones of Decay and the recent positive news regarding Pharaoh, I'm honestly looking for a enjoyable project to ponder throughout the weekdays before heading home to work on my latest campaign. As such, I'm pleased to announce the introduction of The Newcomer's Guide to Army Composition, a multi-part series featuring effective generic and themed builds for each race within TWW3.
Every few days (ideally), I'll drop a different breakdown of a specific race's generic lord/hero/unit roster with effective, dynamic ways to fill out an army. Overall, these army composition recommendations hold to three core doctrines:

• Form follows function...these armies are designed to win battles, and the opportunity cost of utilizing a 'cool' unit over another 'less cool' unit means a great deal when we're talking about the defense of your empire. You know what's cool? Winning, and winning consistently and effectively.
  
• Cost-Effectiveness...we're not here to break the bank, and we're certainly not building 'doomstack' clones (seriously not fun). Great army compositions have layers with a variety of backfill options available...you can't always afford the highest level in every category for every army, so the name of the game is cost-effectiveness.
  
• Flexibility...if you take one thing away from this guide, I hope this tops out your list: variation, flexibility and durability are the saving graces of the best army compositions. I’ll admit that opponent specialization has certain advantages, but generally speaking, I despise the idea of sitting around for ‘X’ amount of turns globally recruiting the ideal niche unit designed to defeat [insert race here]. Instead, I find a force capable of challenging virtually every race much more useful in the mid-game and down the stretch of long campaigns.
  

Alright, on to the good stuff…first up, a personal favorite: the Dawi.
While I personally recruit based on the legendary lord and which advantages they provide certain units, whether that's through their unique trait or via their unique skill line, my goal with this breakdown remains typical army compositions for non-legendary lords...here's how I approach a relatively generic build:

• First and foremost, pick yourself a lord type...the generic lord is really solid, the runelord serves as more of a support specialist and the new daemonslayer offers a extremely different melee approach. Unless you're building a slayer-themed army, I'd generally suggest one of the first two as the daemonslayer truly works best when utilizing a good number of slayer units. Total Units: 1/20
  
• Next, and I've found this is an unpopular decision on this forum, I utilize a strict one hero per army rule with a few minor exceptions (VC, for example). I also offset my lord choice with a hero of opposite specialization...so a runesmith would pair well with a dwarf lord while a thane works perfectly with the runelord. The master engineer slots in well with both, so just modulate your needs accordingly. And if you're the type who prefers more heroes, throw in one of each, all three are excellent. I'll note that the new dragonslayer is also quite brilliant, really knows how to take on large entities and a great option to throw into the mix as well, especially if you're going to be fighting tomb kings, dark elves, greenskins, etc. Total Units: 2/20
  
• Six frontline infantry designed to hold the line...these traditionally are well armored and shielded and just generally stay alive. They aren't your damage dealers and they aren't designed to generate kills...they hold the line to ensure your actual killers have time and space to do their job. Start off with Dwarf Warriors (easily the best Tier 0 unit out there) before upgrading to Longbeards and, finally, Ironbreakers. The latter offer some excellent punch with their short-range explosive toss, excellent in the late game against heavily-armored troops such as Warriors of Chaos or the Dawi-Zharr. Total Units: 8/20
  
• Behind your frontline, you need two kinds of damage dealers: ranged and melee. First up, let's talk about the ranged units...Thunderers are the way to go, bar none. I'd argue both variants -- the traditional and the grudge-rakers -- are exceptional, with the latter maybe being slightly better due to a quicker reload time. The traditional have slightly better range and accuracy, though, so there's some trade-off. My go-to from now on will be two of each, to be honest. If you’re a bit strapped for cash, quarrelers are always a solid choice, plus you can run some simpler formations as those crossbows shoot up and over your frontline units. Total Units: 12/20
  
• Now you need some hard-hitting melee, and fortunately you have some options. Hammerers were the original choice on this front, but with the addition of doomseekers, it's a bit more of a toss-up. The question you have to ask yourself is survivability...hammerers, with their high armor and high numbers (100 per unit), will hold up in most fights. Doomseekers with their zero armor and lower numbers (32 per unit) don't have that advantage. That said, doomseekers have some sick animations and way outclass the hammerers in their general stats (better MA, MD and charge bonus), so it's still a bit of a toss-up. I bring two total to help my frontline with particularly tough enemies, and with both offering magical damage, ensure targets consistent of the undead or daemonic, when applicable. When you’re cost-strapped, look to the great weapon variants of long wards and dwarf warriors. Total Units: 14/20
  
• Not much of a Dawi force without some artillery...the usual approach on here tends to be an overwhelming amount in this category, but I honestly think two total truly works perfectly within most armies. Start off with grudge throwers before upgrading to cannons and then organ guns and flame cannons. Full honesty, I’m completely sold on the new flame cannons…they absolutely melt most units, and with a Rune of Seeking, full on chef’s kiss my friends. Pair with an accurate damage-dealer such as organ guns and you’ll have enemies severely crippled well before reaching your infantry frontline...that'll do nicely. Total Units: 16/20
  
• Moving on to war machines...these are the units you'll need to micro during battles to get the most impact, so just prepare for that inevitability. Prior to ToD and the 5.0 patch, the unit of choice was the gyrobomber, but I've honestly been forced to reassess a bunch the past couple weeks. First off, the Thunderbarge is a no-brainer, grab one of those as soon as you can (assuming you can afford it)...just float that sucker over the enemy army within range of your thunderers (for protection) and it'll take care of virtually anything. Second, the gyrobomber is still great, and it's a solid option for harassment, but I really appreciate the utility of the gyrocopter (brimstone guns)...they mop the floor with a heavy majority of opposing ranged options, freeing up your thunderers and Thunderbarge to focus on the opposing frontline. Mix-and-match between the gyrocopters and the gyrobombers for best results, but I've found just one with a thunderbarge to work really well. Total Units: 18/20
  
• Finally, the flex positions...I tend to slot in some anti-cavalry units for these two final spots, just to ensure my artillery doesn't get ravaged by boar riders or the like. Surprisingly, Bugman's Rangers work exceptionally well in this hole...they have this under-the-radar 'Charge Defense Against Large' ability that makes them ideal for taking on cavalry, and up until the point they get charged, they're a solid missle unit as well (same effectiveness as a quarreler). However, my favorite unit for these two spots are Irondrakes (Trollhammer Torpedoes)...they crush it against large entities, can hold their own in melee for a decent amount of time due to their armor and just generally look super cool. Total Units: 20/20
  

A Slayer-Themed Composition
As promised, I also included a great slayer build that I have come to enjoy tremendously:

• Daemonslayer for the lord slot…a must-have for this composition, feels strange to run anything else. Total Units: 1/20
  
• Dragonslayer in the hero position…again, a must-have, and truly excellent as a single-entity killer. Total Units: 2/20
  
• Doomseekers…prior to the addition of these beasts of the battlefield, slayers were entirely focused as anti-large specialists. Doomseekers changed that entire dynamic, and I recommend running six of these gems as your ‘frontline’ for this comp…a bit expensive, sure, but if you’re building themed armies, you’re already rich. Total Units: 8/20
  
• Giantslayers…still the anti-large champ in regards to slayers, and highly-effective on your flanks protecting your doomseekers from cavalry charges and monstrous infantry. I personally grab four, two on each end to ensure the integrity of my frontline. Total Units: 12/20
  
• Slayer Pirates…an extremely fun unit with some late-game purpose in this composition: ranged firepower with a bit of flanking capability. Like I noted earlier, I appreciate flexibility on the campaign map, and the last thing you want to run into with a themed stack is a couple enemy units virtually untouchable by your forces. Slayer Pirates solve that problem well as your anti-flying shield, and when that need isn’t as ‘needed,’ per se, they make solid flankers with excellent armor-piercing ranged ammo. I bring four for safety. Total Units: 16/20
  
• Goblin Hewers…not exactly my favorite of the slayer units, but definitely fun in the right context and against any lord boasting a large mount. I toss in a pair to absolutely delete enemy leadership or large single-entity monsters, and they’re the type of ‘artillery’ you never have to worry about since they’re manned by another couple dozen slayers…cavalry charges need not apply. Total Units: 18/20
  
• And finally, a few Gyrocopters (Brimstone Guns)…I know, I know, not technically slayers, and while you may be absolutely correct, the advantage of a pair of brimstone copters takes root in their capability taking out ranged units. Slayers, as we all know, sprint into battle sporting zero armor, making them vulnerable to even the sloppiest of archers. In steps a pair of brimstone guns, and suddenly you’ve got very little ranged to worry about plus some post-battle barbecue options for your surviving slayer comrades. Total Units: 20/20
  

Enjoy the Dawi, they are an absolute blast to play with now, and I highly recommend experimenting with some of their mid-tier units as well as virtually all variants of grudge settlers…the flame cannons and trollhammer copters are unreal out in the field.

I already spent some time trying to see if anyone else had this issue, but couldn’t find anyone else mentioning this.
Im on the step that says “Check the FM holotope transcriptions for more information”, and I have no idea how to do that. The quest marker stays directly on top of my character when I look for it in the map. I just transferred the files using the OMC-810 relay tower terminal.
I looked up a video guide before and I don’t know what step I am missing to go the next location. From what I saw, people just transfer the files and then head to next location to get Connie’s holotape.

my son is 16 months old and just got over a horrible case of head-to-toe hives that lasted a full week. no other side effects such as shortness of breath, vomiting or diarrhea, etc. just itchy and grumpy. apparently hives can be a reaction to almost anything under the sun that your body just disagrees with but he was regularly exposed to peanuts when he was 6-12 months and not sure why but we stopped including it in his diet.
i've been racking my brain trying to figure out what cause his hives and remembered he had a pb&j oat bar from trader joe's for the first time last sunday and maybe coincidentally broke out in hives around the same time. can a peanut allergy cause hives that last a whole week with no other side effects?