I hope this message reaches anyone currently in doubt about becoming a parent. I just gave birth on Tuesday and overwhelmed with joy, happiness and love. My journey had none of these emotions during pregnancy.
I never really wanted kids, honestly kids are annoying and gross. Nvm how much I love my alone time and doing what I want when I want. Hearing women say "I only want to be a mother" would make my eyes roll. When I found out I was pregnant my anxiety and sadness just took over, my husband on the other hand, was so happy and excited. I was really trying to hide my feelings bc I didn't want to ruin this for him. He's always loved children but knew I was more meh not on my list type of person. I went thru the morning sickness, depression, anxiety, physical pain, headaches, ect which a made my feelings about having a child much worse.
I couldn't stand talking to people about being pregnant. I wanted to pretent I wasn't. I begged for a normal conversation instead of just focusing on my pregnancy. Ultrasounds always felt fake and I had no feelings of connection during any of it. Intrusive thoughts ran thru my head. People wanting to touch my stomach I held the urge to scream. It took everything in me to let my husband have his time and feel my belly while I was holding back tears. I wore hoodies as much as I could to not show. Anxiety was always heighten and showers were usually accompanied by crying.
I knew the day was coming that my son would be born. Honestly, being overly uncomfortable and frustrated with still being pregnant I just wanted to get him out so I could have my body back. This fortunately over took my focus and anxiety about becoming a mother.
He was born on Tuesday, labor wasn't too bad but I had a full blown panic attack when I actually pushed him out. I couldn't catch my breathe, crying uncontrollably, shaking, eyes shut. The nurse tried to put him on me and took him off immediately when I wasn't going to grab him. My husband is the biggest supporter I have, instead of attending to our son he was comforting me and trying to calm me down. The nurse gave me an anti-anxiety medication thru the iv so I could settle. She gave my husband our son to hold. I was still too anxious to hold him instead he held him for a while and I would touch him every so often. I eventually took him and was shocked that I felt nothing but joy and love. It's been a few days now and I can't stop staring at him. I look forward to bonding with him, holding and him just loving him. Yes times can be tough and I certainly have cried from being overwhelmed but the happiness outweigh any doubts I had and currently have.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if you feel like I have felt during pregnancy, there is hope for something you thought would never happen when your child is here. I hope my journey will help someone when they feel like they are too ashamed, embarrassed or just can't outright talk about it. Keep your head up and I hope your ending will shock you. Love yourself and take care of you.

I posted about this before but I was the one who started having light periods in November coincidentally after my synthroid dose was raised too high , when I talked to my endocrinologist about this , she put it down to PCOS and my weight , the latter of which didn’t make since . I’ve had heavy periods up until last year October , and my weight didn’t change dramatically in the space of a month.
Then I talked to my mom about it and she suggest I order soy isoflavones from Amazon which has helped another family member in China with the same problem . Meanwhile, after 3 months of light periods in a row ( Nov - Jan ) and this no longer being a one off thing , I saw my family doctor who ordered blood tests and ultrasound which showed no abnormalities. The only thing picked up was that my estrogen levels were slightly low . He also suggested that I have PCOS . Yes I’ve had the symptoms since the start of puberty but the light periods were a very recent development.
In January I started taking soy isoflavones, and checked my thyroid. My thyroid test came up high which suggested my dose was too high . I took the soy pills for a month and in February to my relief I had one long heavy period like the ones I’ve used to . I told my endocrinologist that my periods were back and she said it was because I lost 5 pounds 🙄. I lost 5 pounds due to my synthroid being too high , causing light periods , unexplained sweating ( to the point I feared that I may be having a heart attack ) and drumming in my ear . I didn’t work to lose weight at all .
After February I thought the problem was solved and stopped taking the soy pills . A month later at the beginning of March it came again but slightly lighter . Then when I went back to China for a month in March - April it didn’t come at all and there was nothing until late April . Due to that , I accepted the offer to reduce synthroid dose further . I didn’t take the soy pills at all during vacation . Resumed taking on April 9th and got a bit of brown blood and spotting around April 19th . Then yesterday I started another heavy period, the first one in two months .
I now suspect that my estrogen is indeed too low , recent blood tests shows such and my testosterone level and A1c is rising . I wonder if with low estrogen I’m unable to produce a healthy endometrium every single month without soy ( fake estrogen) supplements? In other words not able to have a normal period flow without supplements.
Sorry for this rant , just sharing my thoughts . I gusss I will take the supplements for the long term then as there are no side effects .
I am also fed up with the fact that the endo put everything down to my weight . Same thing happened last year when for some unknown reason my ALT shot to 255 when even with fatty liver it shouldn’t be higher than 50. I was really struggling with multiple food sensitivities developing at a rapid rate due to my liver not able to process them . It took 6 months for my ALT to go down without any changes to my weight and since had continued to decline towards the normal range . Meanwhile the doctors tried to lecture me on healthy eating and losing weight when that likely isn’t the cause .

Hi everyone,
I used to frequently lurk on this reddit looking for some ways to deal with my case of anxiety induced OAB. I thought I’d chime and share a success story that had with my battle with overactive bladder. I just want to start with some background I’m 29m with not major medical or health complications, I’m healthy and physically active (at the time that my symptoms really cracked off I was probably the fittest I had been in my life).
My symptoms all started in August of 2022 and they came on suddenly. To set the scene it was a beautiful sunny Saturday and I had some plans to go surfing with some mates latter in the afternoon. There was some pretty good swell due at one of my favourite beaches in town and I was super exited (maybe a little nervous because it was going to be kind of larger surf that I was used to. In the morning I had breakie and a cup of coffee. I was really excited about this new coffee that I had got from the store. Immediately after the coffee I was a little anxious but nothing out of the ordinary, I thought it was nervous jitters for the surf session. Anyways my mated pick me up and we head to the beach (it was about an hour drive away). On the car trip I remember having to pee but again nothing out of the ordinary. We go surfing for about 2-3 hours, and I didn’t have to go once the entire time I was out. I get out of the water and change, and that when it all started. I went to use the bathroom and immediately afterwards had to go again (I thought it was weird and tried to go again but there was nothing…okay…). pack up the car and start driving, and the urge was strong again, stoped to go again still not much again. So I suffered for the rest of the car ride home feeling like I was going to go in my pants the whole time. It was at this point my anxiety shot through the roof and I felt like a panic attack was coming on (I had one earlier in the year so I kind of recognized the symptoms of it). I get home and try everything I can to get myself to calm down and nothing worked. The plan was to go home and then meet my friend for homemade pizza at their house (20 minute drive away). I get ready and use the bathroom and get halfway to my friends house only to have to stop and go again. I struggle through the dinner have to excuse myself once or twice to go again still there was not too much. By the end of the day I had burned 3500 calories of stress. I figured it was anxiety at the time and I hoped that it would get better in the morning.
But that urge became something I constantly had to deal with, and when I say constant I mean like I’d go and immediately feel like I needed to go again (maybe 5 minutes of relief between visits). This would lead to me having to go to the bathroom maybe 20 times a day or so. I missed out on movies, shows, drinking with my mates, had to start planning my life around bathroom access, and coffee. (At the time I would have done anything to be able to have a pint or a cup of coffee with my mated and not have to worry about my symptoms getting worse). All this worry was starting consume a large part of my day to day thinking. I mean it’s not like it a symptom that you can just ignore. Fomos and the general anxiety around whether was was going to get better This really stressed me out and made the problem much worse as time went on.
I figured I’d wait and see before going to the doctor see what was going on. After about a week with nothing getting better I decided to go see a doctor. They did some test which all came back negative, I had an ultrasound and everything was clear. At the ultrasound appointment with less than 100ml of liquid in my bladder the feeling was so intense the lady even showed me that there was nothing there on her screen (again this clued me into thinking maybe this was a physiological issue rather than physical one). They said there was nothing that they could find that was medically wrong with me but they would refer me to a urologist to give me the all clear. At this point in my mind there were not major medical issues with me, so there were two potential causes (1) anxiety and (2) a nagging injury. Re (2) I had a nagging groin injury that I sustained at the beginning of the year. I was going to pt for it and thought I could have been surfing from a hypertonic pelvic floor and that was causing the oab symptoms. I couldn’t get an appointment for several months so there was a long period of just waiting while still battling with this constant urge to use the bathroom.
After that appointment I figured I’m dealing with the injury with pt already so maybe I should try to focus on the anxiety aspect. So I tired everything that I could do to reduce my symptoms, drink less coffee, meditate (headspace), saw a therapist, stepped back my work as much as I could to get some time to relax, kept physically active (surfing running climbing multiple times a week), spent time with friends and still nothing made me feel better.
I think this was a period where I was the most stressed that I had ever been. Lets just say 2022 was a year I would not want to repeat anytime soon. To list all that I had going on (tw: cancer, suicide(friend), family member death ) :

1. I was living abroad in nz and was far from family, and my partner. My dad earlier in the year had been diagnosed with cancer and was going through treatments.
2. My really good friend attempted suicide twice (The first time I was the closest person to him and he confided in me with his intentions and everything. Probably the most stressful we ek of my life)
3. My friends mental health emergency lead to me having to move flats on short notice because I didn’t feel safe where I lived because I was threatened by my friend after calling the cops on him to do a wellness check. I went from living in boarding situation with 12 really good friends to living in a studio which was super isolating.
4. I felt afraid around the town because of these treats and made it harder to relax. Plus running which was my biggest outlet for stress and the thing that I did with my friend became to hard for me to do. It kept giving my ptsd flashbacks of the event.
5. my grandfather passed away shortly after my father was diagnosed with cancer.

(tw:end)

1. I was in the process of writing my thesis at the time and had my defence deadline approaching nearer and nearer.
2. I was planning on moving back to my home country at the end of the year which meant that I was going to loose my whole support system and have to start fresh again. I had to worry about selling most of the stuff I own (car, furniture, clothes, surfboards etc.)
3. I was also planning a carrier change from one research to a completely different field of study. I’m an academic and I wanted try something new. You either get to pick where you live or the research you do.
4. worried about jobs I was going to get when I moved back and how I was going to support myself. This is related to 8)

I feel like any one of these events would be a lot to deal with on its own. This was all coming off the tail end of covid as well, thing were starting to get back to normal but there were still periodic lock downs. I feel like it had been a year of very high constant stress and everything together overloaded me. It hasn’t been uncommon for anxiety to manifest as physical symptoms for me before. I remember earlier in the year before the oab really kicked off that I couldn’t eat food without it making me feel sick. it turns out that anxiety cracks up stomach acid and that can make you feel nauseous. The doctor was able to help me out with.
Well to continue the story I went and saw urologist and he said that everything was clear and there was nothing to worry about. Just have to wait for things to calm down, he did give me some oxybutynin that didn’t really help. Then shorty after that I had to sell everything I owned and I flew back home. I remember that flight being kind of hard, I was sad to leave the country and anxious for the new life I was about to begin. It really enhanced the symptoms that I was experiencing.
I moved back to the USA at the end of 2023 and that is when I began trying to tackle this problem in earnest. The urologist recommended that I tried bladder retraining while it was helpful to see progress it still didn’t help with the symptoms that much. I tired cbd for my anxiety and had some success. It seemed to help manage my symptoms. I moved from summer in the southern hemisphere, to the middle of the winter in the northern hemisphere and the lack of sun didn’t help my mental health.
At this point I could go maybe 30 minutes between trips to the bathroom. I didn’t have coffee, or alcohol (didn’t even dream of it). Car trips were miserable, would spend most of them stressed I wouldn’t find a bathroom. Still had the constant urge to use the bathroom. Things were not fun. Luckily I had a decent amount of money in savings so I took some time to relax while I was waiting to defend my thesis. (I think I took about 6-7 months to myself)
Okay I’m sure you all know all that symptoms and how miserable they can be. Here’s what worked for me:
First thing I’d say is go see a doctor. Reddit is great but a doctor will be able to tell if there is anything physically wrong with you. Then trust what they say. When are you a dealing with a health related thing that is related to anxiety the most important thing is to make sure that you have a clean bill of health.
Once you know nothing is wrong physically here are some ways of dealing with oab caused my anxiety:

1. Talk: Talk to your love ones about what you are dealing with. Tell them you are struggling with this medical issue and you may need to pull over and use the bathroom or disappear for a couple minutes. They will understand if they love you. I waited a long time to open up to my partner about this, and I felt a lot better after I told her what I was struggling with.
2. Face this head on: Don’t retreat still do things go outside got to shows bars the store. You will be able to find a bathroom you don’t need to worry. Remember that stuff that you love to do don’t let oab rule your life. Its going to be scary but its good to face these anxieties head on. If you start canceling events because you are afraid of bathroom access will lead to further isolation, and eventually agoraphobia (not a good place to end up)
3. Bladder retraining: This gives you a way to track progress and play chicken with your bladder in a controlled manner. You are trying to teach your brain the difference between really and fake signals. This will help you gain trust in yourself again. Remember this is gradual process.
4. Professional help. Shortly after getting back to the states I started getting professional help to deal with all the stress I had in my life. I needed somewhere where I could process everything I was going through. I got the quickest appointment I could and took the first one I could get. By involving doctors and therapist and even your loved ones you are not tackling this problem alone anymore you have a team of people helping you. Plus they can give you ideas on how to manage your stress and anxiety.
5. Headspace: In a similar vein headspace and mindfulness will help with learning how to acknowledge how we are feeling and move on. We are always going to need to use the bathroom there is no way around it and we sometimes will have the feeling that we need to go when we don’t need to. In the same way there is no getting rid of anxiety, what mindfulness does is help change our relationship with these feelings. You could try the session on chronic pain because what we are experiencing is a persistent unwanted sensation from out body like a form of pain. There is also more general ones about anxiety. I think we can borrow some of the ideas that people dealing with chronic pain use to to deal with the urges that we experience ( I don’t know how much there is to this though).
6. (a) side tangent: I saw this guy in nz who said that when people are dealing with heartache sometimes taking a painkiller (like Tylenol or ibuprofen) can help deal with the pain. Even though the pain is psychosomatic the feeling is still real, and the painkiller can actually help with managing the heartbreak. (see)
7. Medication: Trying anti anxiety meds was the biggest thing for me. What I really needed after all the stress was some mental space. For me lexapro gave me this space. I know that finding the right medication to be on can be hard and its a long process to find the one that is right for you. I’m currently on the lowest dose (5mg) and I have been taking it for about 1.5 years with little side effects (only if I miss a dose I feel a little dizzy in the evening). I know anti-anxiety meds get a bad wrap these days and I feel like there is a lot of misinformation about them. People worry that it is going numb them that they are going to feel like themselves, or that people are going to judge them for taking it, but in my case that hasn’t been my experience. If you are at a high level of stress it can help bring you back down to baseline, it can give you the space to acknowledge the things that make you feel anxious and move on. I highly recommend trying this out. I should also say here that it does take 1.5-2 months for the meds to really start working, and during that time your anxiety can increase (but its worth it!!!)
8. CBD: if you don’t want to try an anti anxiety med try CBD, it really helps with stress and I found that it was pretty good at helping with some OAB symptoms at first but you build up a tolerance to it when you are taking it daily, and it can become expensive. What I found that worked for me was around 10-15mg 3 times a day (breakfast lunch and dinner). This helped me be less stressed in the car our when I was out walking places and there was no bathroom nearby.

When this all started I didn’t ever think I was going to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee again or go to a bar and have a pint and drive home with out a worry. After working at this for the last 2 years I’ve been able to get to a place where I can have a coffee and then go for a long car ride and have no symptoms. I’m able to go to a triva night and enjoy a beer without having to get up every 10 minutes to use the bathroom. I’m able to sit through meeting without having to leave 3-4. I’ve been able to give a 1 hr long talk to a large group of people (something I wouldn’t have been able to do because oab at the beginning of all this) with no issues. In my experience there is no instant cure for this, don’t say this to be negative but more so to say that its going to take hard work, and there is hope. I was able to overcome this thing and so can you! I hope this helps and thanks for taking the time to read my post.

6 years ago today I went in for a simple vasectomy that changed my life forever. Shortly after the procedure I had intense testiclur pain as if someone was squeezing them. I immediately went back to see the doctor and he gave me meds and ran some test. Everything was negative, ultrasounds were fine, culture test negative. I was in and out of his for months complaining and everything was negative. I was diagnosed with post vasectomy pain syndrome and chronic pelvic Pain syndrome. I went through years of PT and 8 surgeries to try to eliminate the pain. I had 2 rounds for bilateral epididiectomies, bilateral spermatic chord denervation, 3 rounds of cryoblation, veriococele repair, left testicle removal and lastly had a fake testicle put in to replace it. All over the course of 4 years. I learned a lot about my body and what I can overcome. When you think it might get worse it will and it will knock you down. But as time goes on your mindset changes and your body begins to heal itself in ways you thought it couldn’t. Today I have some pain but I know it can never be as bad as it was once before and I’m stronger than ever. Be someone!

I was with my ex for a year before he broke up with me. Mine F (22) and he’s M (24). During our honeymoon stage we was so in love and enjoyed each other company. We met in late November and we were friends with benefits. We use to hang iut together. We use to sleep in my car to be together. No clothes and just a blanket. We didn’t care as long as we had each other. We were fine. When we were together we didn’t see no one but each other. I got pregnant in December and got a abortion in march. We already had a kid on the way and he wasn’t ready to have another one. He didn’t have a car, he worked at food lion, he had a apartment, and he didn’t have much. I didn’t want to the abortion but it was the best decision at the time for us. I use to help him get his son and pick me up. I picked him up from work, pick him uo from interviews, helped him get a new phone when his old ine got messed up. I always helped him out in anyway and form. This was in the beginning of 2022.
We moved from the situation. We talked about it and were happy. We moved in together in October 2022. It was the worst and happiest decision ever. The beginning was fun. We stayed up late and watched movies. We did normal young couple stuff. I loved it because i got to be around him 24/7 with no one else beside his son. We were a little family. He would go out with his friends but he would always come back home late. He would always be the designated driver when they go out. None of his friends had a car so they used him. I didn’t like it and I told him I didn’t, they used him when it benefit them. He always worked overtime and was always at work to provide for us. I was conplain about us spending some time together like on the weekends but he was too tired from work and he would rather hang out with his friends. This went on for months. He invited people over who I didn’t know and he didn’t tell me. When he went on a trip to Atlanta, he needed helped getting back. His friends that were in his car didn’t have money and therir parents didn’t give him money for gas. He called me and told me to give him $100 dollars to get home. We started to fuss. I told him i’m not there to help him and he need to figure it out his self. He got mad and started to get loud at me about the money. I understand he was stressed and pissed about it but i gave him money to get there for gas and food and i gave him some money before he left. He should’ve had enough money. When i went on my trip he didn’t give me no money.
My birthday last year he broke up with me over stupid stuff. He layed around on my birthday and didn’t care. He got mad about it. I took him out and went to cheddars and I paid for it. I cried in the restaurant. He lied multiple times about why he did it. I cried for the whole month of august because i felt like i was not good enough for him. He went out every weekend with friends and ignored me. He only used me for sex. I cried to him and he looked at me like i was stupid and i made him bored. I was unhappy that whole month but he didn’t care. I went on a trip with my family, I was miserable but I faked it for my fmaily. He was out with friends when i was gone. He didn’t care. We were broken up for 2 weeks. He tried to get back with me but i said no. We got back together so way.
I got pregnant in October of 2023. He was unhappy about the baby. He wasn’t ready. He said he wanted to travel, get a house, build his self, grow and more. I was sad because i knew what he wanted me to do. He told me he wanted me to get a abortion. My last abortion made me depressed and sad. I got tired of it. Our lease was ending in November 2023. We both went back home. I was pregnant and emotionally. I needed him.
For two moths we were happy and excited to grow our family. We still had problems. He still went out with his friends. He went out with some girl and her mom to get me a Christmas. He never got me nothing. The last gift he got me was valentines day in 2022. He came to my house, I was mad. I told him i didn’t like her and that he need to stop talking to her. I told him, she likes him but he didn’t believe me. He said that’s his friend. One day she facetime him when he was getting a haircut. I ignored it but i thought about answering. I never trusted their relationship there. I still don’t.
Christmas eve, we was going out to eat. We came to my house to chill. I got out the care i felt like it was my time of the mont. I looked down and saw blood. I got scared and told my family. They told us to go to the hospital to see what’s going on. We went and waited for hours. I was scared but i tried not to show it. I knew it wasn’t normal to bleed when your pregnant. Wewent to get a ultrasound and the whole time i was scared. My boyfriend at the time cane with me (my ex). She didn’t say nothing when checking my baby. But at the end of the ultrasound she said she was fine and healthy. I was happy. Then we went to a room to talk to a doctor. They thought I had something so they gave me medicine for it but I was worried about the blood. But they said it would go away on its on. We were the last people to leave the hospital and we were tired.
For about a whole week of Christmas week, I bled. I was worried because it lasted too long. I told my family about my concerns. I couldn’t go see a doctor because of christmas and every one was out of work.
My boyfriend ( my ex) took me out for new years eve, we went to juicy crab. We fussed a little about dumb stuff. After he drop me off, he went to a party with friends. I just wanted to spend time with him. We didn’t live together anymore and i missed him. The next day I felt like i was in intense pain. It felt like i was on my period. It started at 6 in the morning and it lasted all day. I was throwing up and bleeding. I called my then boyfriend to come get me. He called the ambulance. He saw my bathroom and he was terrified. I felt weak and i could barely keep my eyes open.
I was still in pain when i got to the hospital. My family came to check up on me. I was too weak to care about my self and in pain to focus. They told me, my baby was trying to come out early. I was having a miscarriage. I was in the hospital for 5 days. I lost my baby girl on the third day. I was sad and i just wanted my boyfriend. He only came two days. He would go to work and then come stay the night with me. He still didn’t have a car. I cried every night when left alone. My mom kept me company when he wasn’t there. He called and texted me through out the day when he was at work. My last day at the hospital, i was ready to go home and get in my own bed. He didn’t text or called me on my last day. I had to tell his friend i was leaving the hospital to tell him. I felt sad because my boyfriend didn’t care about me or was checking up on me. We fussed about him not being there with me. He got mad that i didn’t let him drive my car to get to work and come see me at night. My parents would’ve fussed me out if i gave him my car to use. They told me not to give him my car.
That Saturday he was acting weird to me. He didn’t text or call me. He went out with friends to look at apartments a hour away. He didn’t tell me until the day of. We had two plan to when he have out baby girl. The first one was to move to raleigh and the second one was to wait until she was one to be able to talk and walk to move to raleigh. And we wanted her to be around family. I didn’t know he was still planning to move after everything. He was moving with his friends. I was sad he was moving on. I always got jealous when he would bond with his son. Everytime he was around me, he would call him friends to talk about the big move and what they was going to do. I cried because he didn’t care about me or my baby, he was moving on. It hurt that he never consider my feelings about everything and how i felt about it.
For three months, he treated me like shit. He would ignore my call and text messages. He acted like I didn’t exist. But he still would keep me around to use me to help him out. Helped him get to Raleigh to help his brother with his moving company, help him to get to work and more. I felt alone and depressed. I was going through postpartum. I wrote him a letter about everything from us to our baby girl. He didn’t acre about it. It took him a 2 week to read. I just wanted him to hold me and tell him everything was going to be alright. Everytime he was around me he jsut wanted sex. I took him to Raleigh to look at cars for him. He saw car he wnated and it was his dream car. A 2021 dodge charger. He only had $1,000 in his saving. Because he spent most of his saving trying to fix his other car that his friend he stayed with messed up. They wanted him to put down more on it. He looked at me and asked could i put down $650. I didn’t wnat to help him becashe never helped me and he treate me like shit after i lost our baby. Eventually i said yes i would put the money down to get the car. He needed insurance to get the car too so i put him on mines. I did too much for him. His birthday was days before he got his car. He was happy and i was happy to see i caused it. We just losted our baby so we both were going through it.
He posted on facebook and instagram like i wasn’t there or helped him get the car. I was mad because he didn’t acknowledge me or anything. But quick to act like he got it on his own. I loved him to death. He still treated me like shit afterwards. He didn’t care. He just used me. He was suppose to help me pay for my lawyer but he only gave me $200. My lawyer fees in total cost was $750. I paid all of it by myself. He still haven’t paid me.
Now he talking to different girls and partying. That’s what he wanted from the beginning. He was never ready to have a family with me. He still lie to me and tell me he see his self with me. and that he doesn’t care about me. I hide all our pictures and I delete our text messages. Everything felt like a lie with him. Nothing felt true or real.
I don’t want to get my feelings evolved with another person to hurt me emotionally. I don’t want to feel the same way i did with him for the past 8 months. I wasn’t myself. I don’t love him the same or see him as my lover. He feel like a stranger in his body. I still wanted us to start over and have a better start in life. I miss him and love him still. But i’m not going to wait around for him to come back to me.

To say i’m PISSED is an understatement. Back in March I submitted a LOA for my pregnancy because my warehouse was not able to accommodate me, well DLS put their big pants on and requested many documents from my PCP which I provided within the timeframe but they were the ones that took forever, keep in mind I never signed the first forms they send giving them permission to contact any of my medical providers. They had never done it. So yesterday, barely heard back from an investigator accusing me of falsifying documents and faking my pregnancy. I explained to her, that my Obgyn is out of the country since I work at the border of CA/TJ so as being so close to the border, employees there get access to the mexican healthcare crossing the border. The way those doctors fill out forms are completely different and I let DLS know ahead of time and they said it was no issue at all. LIES. I’ve been under investigation since submitting documentation Mid April and was barely notified when they couldn’t reach my providers because obviously they still use HIPPA Laws and won’t share information with anyone but the patient. I also have an Obgyn in CA but barely go since I prefer the attention of the MX one. The investigator wants my mexican providers to forward her DIRECTLY the documents, one: they will not do because they cannot, and two: only one that can is my ObGyn and she is out of town. In mx there is no NA, MA, PA, JUST MD and only that one MD can go into your case unless a life threatening emergency. I contacted my Obgyn in CA and explained, they were more than happy to fax over the physician statements to back up my LOA, to which then the investigator replied and said she will not be taking those into consideration. She wants me to log onto my portal, sharing my username and password and showing her the steps of how to download those documents. Mexican healthcare doesn’t have a portal.. Lol. It’s been an argument back and forth, and I was not paid for the time I was given off. Never even placed on a LOA, just says pending and my schedule still shows. She’s being a big pain in the butt, and I want to quit. She has her head in her butt and is convinced I faked documents and faked my pregnancy even though I have several ultrasound pictures and other letters verifying my pregnancy along with due date. All statements have the stamp and license number of Obgyn’s. She contacted my Obgyn in CA also after I strictly told her not to, and the MA there left a detailed voicemail as to what she asked and requested. This is highly unprofessional. I will be placing in my resignation as no job is worth this much hassle. I was simply requesting an unpaid LOA. I’ll probably be flagged as Permaban but idc, they discriminated me with my first born too and didn’t accept documentation.

I am NOT OP. OP is u/BlueMillennium with one post being by u/Resource-National
Posts were originally posted to BabyBumps and pregnant
Trigger Warnings: may be distressing to those suffering from infertility, mentions of babyloss/stillbirth, mental health issues
Edit: To clarify, I've added definitions below for some things mentioned in these posts: A chemical pregnancy is when someone is pregnant but unfortunately has a very early miscarriage, within the first five weeks of pregnancy.
Pseudocyesis, or a hysterical pregnancy, is when someone believes they are pregnant when they are not. Many convince themselves they have symptoms, but a blood test or ultrasound will confirm the lack of a fetus.
A cryptic pregnancy is a pregnancy that has gone by undetected for an extended period of time. A cryptic pregnancy is often discovered quite late in pregnancy, even as late as when the expectant parent is in labour.
Original Post : Posted on May 2, 2024 (12 days ago) by OOP
I have a weird situation and I need a sanity check. Please tell me I'm not crazy for being concerned and skeptical.
Background: a friend of mine is 34 years old, first time mom, and currently 42.5 weeks pregnant. She says her doctor is not concerned at all. After her 41 week appt, I asked when she would be getting induced, since generally doctors don't let you go past 41 weeks. She said her doctor didn't even talk about induction and baby is healthy, etc. Then a week later, she said her and her doctor briefly talked about induction and because she's dilated, doctor thinks she's in labor and to just come to the birthing center that night to check on progress. She ended up not going in at all because "she's not cramping" and made another appointment with her doctor, which was yesterday. She just let me know that her doctor said they'll induce her on Friday when she's 43 weeks! I'm absolutely baffled. I've given birth 3 times and every single time, they've told me that they rarely let women go past 41 weeks.
I'm starting to think something is going on. This friend is a bit of an odd duck. I have not seen her in person since she told us she was pregnant. She's turned down every offer for baby items, baby shower, walking buddy, etc. She has sent over baby bump pics over the last few months. She has a really small build but does have a small bump I guess. Nothing that would make me think she's 3 weeks overdue.
This is weird, right??
Comments agree that it is indeed strange but a few comments offer potential explanations.
Relevant Comments
mrun1: Midwife here. I think it’s entirely possible your friend and her doctor are going off different due dates. As many others have commented very few providers would be so relaxed about someone going >42 weeks. We often see a due date change after the dating scan but sometimes folks really latch onto their first “due date” that was based only on their last period.
MabelMyerscough: That would also make me very suspicious.. please let me/us know what the 'end result' is! Something sounds indeed shady.. but she's not in the same country as you guys right now? Is she in a country with very weird healthcare?

OOP: She's in the US at a large health system. Her boyfriend lives in Europe. It's a weird situation all around. The boyfriend was supposed to come down for the birth but she's made excuses on why he's not here. At first it was because he only had a week of vacation time and didn't want to get here too early and now it's that he'd rather spend that time with the baby after she's born. This friend was originally going to move to Europe for the birth but that never happened either...

MabelMyerscough: Interesting.. I'm not in the US but from what I read the US is even stricter with inducing early if needed and not past 41 weeks! Where I come from in EU they let you go until 42 weeks if all checkups are good, but not longer than that, ever..
Yeah maybe surrogate or something? I'd still be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.. has she shared pictures of nursery or something?

OOP: No pictures. We even asked for an ultrasound picture when we got suspicious (we have a friend chat group) but she said she never got copies of the images. It's so shady!! I've offered her my baby stuff that she might need but she doesn't want it for various reasons.
So I'm actually a surrogate and she's well aware of my experience with it. I don't think she could afford it 😕

DeepBackground5803: Is she someone you would have seen in person before pregnancy?
The 43 week induction is concerning to me. Weird especially that her doctor told her to go to the birthing center that night to get checked out, but she didn't because she wasn't cramping.
What do you think is going on? Do you think she secretly has a surrogate? Lying about being pregnant altogether?

OOP: We see each other maybe once or twice a year so not super concerning. She has a boyfriend who she visited overseas, which is supposedly where she got pregnant. I'm thinking there's something shady going on but at some point... There's no baby.. lol

UPDATE: Friend won't be induced until 43 weeks : Posted on May 5, 2024 (10 days ago) by OOP
My friend said her water was starting to leak on Thursday around 2pm. She said her doctor told her not to come in until her contractions are 4 min apart. She was not currently having contractions but more sharp cramps. Friday morning, I checked in on her. She said she's still not having contractions and she still plans to go in that night (last night) around 8pm. I text her around that time to wish her luck and I hope things go well, yadda yadda. She just said "thank you" and nothing else. No updates overnight.
My friend is a nurse at her delivery hospital and called me this morning, asking for an update because she's concerned about her water breaking nearly 48 hours ago and she hasn't had the baby. So, she called her hospital to see if my friend was there and they have no record of her checking in at all. She plans to text her this morning and see if she says she is in the hospital or what. We are all in the same group chat, for reference.
This is all just so crazy. My nurse friend said there's no way her doctor wouldn't have her immediately come in if she's 43 weeks and her water broke. I have no idea what to think. This friend is always really open and texts us all the time with random updates so the radio silence is not normal for her.
Update: friend says she's currently at the hospital and doing well but it's possible she put herself on the privacy list.
{Edited to remove private information}
**I get it. Nurse friend may crossed a line. I have no idea. Just updating with what I was told.
To be continued! 🤷🏼‍♀️
Update 2: it's now been almost 48 hours since she's arrived at the hospital, supposedly. She has said multiple times that she's there and all is well. Zero pictures, updates, or information. She's responding to other messages like normal. It's been 72 hours (I think) since her water broke and she's past 43 weeks now. This friend is one who sends tons of pictures when she's doing anything exciting so... This is definitely not like her. She has volunteered pregnancy related information the last several months.
We don't know how long to let this go. We all agree that we think there is no pregnancy or baby. We've all been friends since elementary school so this is hard for us to accept. There's 3 options. 1) she's pregnant and lied about her due date for whatever reason. 2) she truly believes she's pregnant even though we are pretty sure she hasn't been a doctor. 3) she's just straight up lying. This is hard for us because she hasn't posted on social media so if she wanted the attention, why not post there too? We are thinking that she's lied about previous life events. She was once engaged for years without any wedding or meeting the supposed fiance. I'm sad for her and mad/disappointed she is lying to us.
What do we do??
Update 3: I don't even know how to start. Friend has supposedely been in the hospital for several days at this point. I'm actually in St Lucia right now on vacation so don't have access to our chat group via texts so trying to get updates via FB.
One friend in that text group said she reached out privately and the friend said she had the baby but was too stressed to send pics or updates. So she reached out to the other friend in the chat who said she also reached out to the pregnant friend who said she has NOT had the baby and was starting pitocin that day. So she's now telling people different things
And now, another reddit user reached out via PM. She posted a topic on the Pregnancy subreddit about this exact story. Someone linked her to my posts. I can confirm it is indeed the same person. The main details she has shared are the same with a few things that are off from what I was told.
We are actively trying to get a hold of her parents. They moved recently and no longer have the landline number but we are very concerned.
Edit 4: one friend in our group was able to find pregnant friends home address. This friend is closest to her between all of us. She is going to go over this evening and is prepared to talk to her. We talked to someone we know who is a psychologist and helped us with what to say, how she might react, etc. her parents should be there as well.
Pregnant friend has told one friend that she had the baby yesterday and another friend that she just had the baby an hour ago and is being discharged, which is just impossible. We think she truly believes she is pregnant based off a pregnancy test and it was likely a chemical pregnancy. She never met with a doctor because other tests were negative and I think deep down, she was afraid a doctor would confirm that there is no baby. So, she decided to carry on as if she was pregnant and now she has tricked herself into thinking she is pregnant.
We also found the baby daddy from Europe. He is married. We believe maybe they had an affair. His wife may have already tried talking to pregnant friend and accused her of lying. Or, maybe she found some random guy and made the whole thing up. We have no idea. We are going to urge her to go to a mental health facility in her town.
Relevant Comments:
ruebarbara_: Dude! I had a life long friend do this to me in 2022. Lied the whole way through the pregnancy. Had a baby shower. Bought a fake bump. Boyfriend was excited to be a dad. But none of us actually hung out together. Literally no one knew it was all a lie until she went in for her “induction” and instead she actually fled the state because she was in too deep and didn’t know what to do. Her mom called me and asked what doctor she sees, I gave her the name. She called the clinic and this friend never showed up for her confirmation of pregnancy appointment. Her mom was so embarrassed but also worried. Friend ended up going to inpatient psych for a few days. She’s a pathological liar. We are no longer friends as this wasn’t the first time she had lied about something major and I just don’t have the mental space for that. It was a wild ride that actually caused me a lot of anxiety.

OOP: Oh my God 😲😲 that's what I'm thinking now.. how is she going to get out of the lie??

NoYesterday_6662: I wonder if she feels like she’s “ behind “ in the friend group. So she makes stuff up to feel better. Idk if any of the other friends maybe are married or have kids? So she’s making things up to feel like she’s not “ left out “?

OOP: Yeah she's always wanted kids. There's one other friend who is unmarried, no kids. 🤷🏼‍♀️

bananapajama1: when is the last time you saw her in person? :o is that normal for your friendship?

OOP: It's probably been a year but yeah that's normal. We try to see each other twice a year. I did offer to see her; throw a shower, be her walking buddy, go shopping for baby stuff. She didn't take me up on any of it. Now that is odd. Originally when she told us she was pregnant, she said she was moving to Europe with the boyfriend so it was just so chaotic there for a while, according to her.

Beckella: She’ll claim she had a stillbirth for the attention.

OOP: I think she's convinced herself that she's really pregnant. She did maternity photos and everything but she doesn't really look pregnant. Bloated maybe

JG0923: Is she one to lie about things in general? I had a friend like that who lied about A LOT of things in her life and we didn’t realize it for years and years.

OOP: Looking back at the things she's said over the years, it's possible. She had a fiance for 5 years that I never met. Wondering if that was a lie. Ugh

Resource-National: This is crazy! I “met” a woman on a fertility fb group who is telling me the exact same thing! She lives in Kansas City apparently and has no baby bump and has told me for months she’s been bullied by friends and co workers. She has sent me bump pictures and even photos from her maternity shoot. Literally same story- leaking fluid on Thursday and it’s Sunday and no baby. Today she told me she’s 42 and 6!!! And even said her friends are “attacking” her saying she’s not even pregnant! Really curious if it’s the same woman.

OOP: Wow, same woman. I saw your PM. Holy shit this is wild.

Going past 42 weeks? : Posted on May 6, 2024 (8 days ago) by u/Resource-National
I think I may have befriended a person who is faking their pregnancy. We met on an online fertility community and both got pregnant around the same time. We’ve checked in on each other through our “pregnancies”. She claims to have a very small bump, which I know can happen, and has more or less been bullied by friends and co workers. She’s sent me bump pics throughout her pregnancy and there is no bump.
She’s post term now. Around 40 weeks she claimed to be spotting for a week saying it was her “bloody show”. I tried to keep an open mind because even tho this is my second pregnancy and none of my friends had a bloody show like that, hey, anything is possible right? Now she claims to have been leaking amniotic fluid since Thursday night. She messaged me Friday afternoon and my response was to call her dr or go to labor and delivery to be checked. She claimed that it was confirmed to be amniotic fluid and she was told to go home since she wasn’t having contractions. I found that odd considering she was past the 24 hr mark.
Today she says she’s still leaking fluid and has no contractions. Then I asked her how far long she is and she said 42.6. Prior to this, the first thing she said to me was how she was so upset because her close friends were accusing her of faking a pregnancy. I found that really odd. But after the 42.6 I have to wonder. When I suggested she got to l&d immediately it seemed like groundbreaking news to her (“will they help labor speed up?”). She said she was treated at the er on Friday, which my understanding is that anything pregnancy related always goes through l&d.
I realize not everyone has a provider who educates them or takes it upon themselves to learn the basics of pregnancy. Maybe she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. But now I’m thinking this person is either fake or totally lying about being pregnant. Either way it’s bizarre!! Does any ob permit pregnancy past 42 weeks in the us?!
Edit:
Wow- the number of comments saying they’ve seen this similar story questioning this woman’s pregnancy is insane. For the record I’ve never told this woman any identifying features other than I live on the west coast. No photos etc. this is through Facebook and my profile is extremely private and we are NOT Facebook friends! Thank you for your concern. My mind def went to all of the horror stories.
Update: It’s safe to say this woman isn’t pregnant. In a shocking turn of events here is a post about the same woman written by her irl friend https://www.reddit.com/BabyBumps/s/LpIboHfJT5
Here is the final Update #2 to this very sad and bizarre saga: https://www.reddit.com/BabyBumps/s/Zm4ARKWcW1
Relevant Comments:
Possible_Library2699: I feel like someone else posted about this same woman!?

ppaulapple: The OP in the other sub just confirmed it’s the same person 2 hours ago 🤯

Final Update: 43 week pregnant friend has admitted to not being pregnant. : Posted on May 7, 2024 (7 days ago) by OOP
A lot has happened in the last 24 hours. Previous posts can be found in my history. I'll link to them later.
Pregnant friend will be called El in this post for simplicity sake.
El has told different friends different stories over the last couple days. She told one friend that she gave birth yesterday, but another friend that she gave birth today and is already home and doing well. The friend closest to her was able to find her home address (she moved recently).
Friend went to the delivery hospital to double check that she wasnt there. They confirmed they had no patient with that name. She called El. She asked El where she was and El said she was leaving the hospital right now. Friend said "well I am here so I'll help you walk out". That's when El broke down and admitted everything after my friend was able to meet her at her house. Here's the gist:
El visited her boyfriend in Europe. A few weeks later, she thought she might be pregnant. She took a test and it had an incredibly faint line. She started posting in pregnancy FB groups asking for confirmation. Then she went to the doctor and asked for an ultrasound. They confirmed that there was no baby. El was convinced they were lying to her. She says she went to another boutique ultrasound place and they did a 3d scan and found a baby and did an entire pregnancy scan. (We don't believe this actually happened). Then El started getting symptoms, her belly starting growing and she fully convinced herself that she was pregnant. She did maternity photos, prepped for a baby and told her workplace and parents. She never went back to the doctor because she was convinced they were all lying to her.
Once she hit "full term", she starting getting anxious. She thought she was cramping, losing her mucus plug, and her water broke. She didn't know what to do because the doctors wouldn't help her. Once she went past 43 weeks, she decided to go to the hospital (yesterday). She showed up with her hospital bags packed and her parents went with her. She told the front desk that she was 43 weeks pregnant and was ready to have her baby. I don't know what all happened here but they basically turned her away and told her she was not pregnant or having a baby. We think her parents started to figure it all out a week or so ago, but didn't know the extent of the lies. They have always let El do whatever she wants and pay for her entire lifestyle. We assume she lied to them about everything.
Friend said El does have a swollen belly that looks like she's 20ish weeks. They talked for a long time and she is grieving this lost pregnancy/baby. She legitimately thought she was going to give birth.
We think she is suffering from a phantom pregnancy. Thank you to the redditor who told me about this. I had never heard of it.
We are all very upset for her and realize that we need to be very careful. We are not going to attack her or confront her as a group. We have a mental health resource ready to help her, if we can delicately get her to agree to go.
This is not how I thought this would all play out. This is all so unbelievable. I appreciate everyone who reached out and commented with words of support. 🩷
Relevant Comments:
linny93: You mentioned in your last post that the “father” is married. Did you get any update on that situation? Did she choose a random European guy and say it was her fiancé?

OOP: She seems to think they are together but his FB says otherwise. He has posts with his wife on trips, etc. we just don't know yet 😕

cherb30: I’m a little confused, forgive me for being skeptical!
Do women who lose a baby 20+ weeks ago still have a noticeable baby bump? What do you mean they “turned her away and told her she was not pregnant”… did they take a pregnancy test or just turn her away? Did any of your friends become concerned that she waited til 43 weeks to go to the doctor to deliver? That is super late. Also I’m really surprised the hospital would have disclosed she was/was not a pregnant patient there. Anyway just my initial questions on this!

OOP: We all started getting very suspicious at 41 weeks when she said her doctors didn't want to induce her and it grew with each week she went past. We were very very concerned, hence my initial post on this subreddit.
I don't know if the hospital did any tests or checked her in any way. I'm shocked they wouldn't have her meet with a social worker or something. She def does not look pregnant enough to give birth. She's a very tiny girl normally so any weight gain in her stomach would be very noticeable. She probably weighs 100-110 pounds. I think it was probably obvious she wasn't ready to give birth and they maybe told her to go to the ER when she wasn't in their patient system.
We are trying to sort between the truth and lies she's spun trying to convince herself and others.

OOP (in response to a deleted comment): She isn't actually pregnant but she truly believes she was pregnant, enough to convince her body that she was. It's called a phantom or hysterical pregnancy. She's having a mental health episode. She's not insane but she does need professional support. She thought she was coming home with a baby. That's what she is grieving. She's wanted to be a mom so badly.
PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT IN ANY LINKED POSTS OR COMMENTS
Marking as concluded due to OOPs friend being confirmed to have not been pregnant.

These people swear up and down that owning their dumb mutts makes them special. I’ve gotten into quite a few arguments online already about it too. I think it’s an insult to all the sacrifices and hardships mothers go through to bring life and raise members in society. Like it’s a mockery. Nobody goes through ppd or gets postpartum psychosis “raising” a DOG. And yet they act like “puppy blues” or whatever is the exact same. It’s horrible and insulting. It makes me especially mad as someone who’s seen firsthand what postpartum depression does to people and the way it ruins lives.
Don’t even get me started on the fake ultrasounds with their dogs. Delusional to the very core. Yuck. I’m over it already.

Chrisean Rock Astrology Forecast As Of May 11, 2024

With Mother's Day tomorrow and Chrisean Rock being a new mom, let's just do an updated astrology reading for her by checking her birth chart.
As we know, Chrisean was born in Baltimore and is known for her appearance on Baddies with Natalie Nunn and her own show she had with Blueface.
We know that she is a Pisces which is her sun sign/zodiac sign. She has a Cancer Moon which rules your emotions and emotional state.
Uranus is currently sextile Chrisean Rock's sun which means that she will be openly showing unpredictability and will likely be shocking people and even herself.
Uranus is in her 12th house which is the house of the unknown and blind spots as well. This can mean that she will have breakthroughs and insights. Could even result in premonitions and informative dream states.
Pluto is the planet known for exposing and causing change and this planet is currently opposing her North Node which shows that there will be a gradual process in her doing what she is supposed to be doing and going in the right direction. Pluto isn't making any connections with her personal planets yet, so she isn't expected to be going through anything too major right now.
Jupiter sextile her sun is giving her the expanding energy for her sports endeavor. Her Aries Mars will always see her through naturally though.
Let's go forward to the following month, June on this day to see what she may be experiencing.
Jupiter is the ruler of her 7th and 10th house and on June 11, 2024, she will have Jupiter squaring her Venus and Mercury which means that there can be issues with points getting across or communication issues between her and family or her and Blueface. She is likely to be intuitive around this time with Jupiter making a trine to her natal Neptune.
Since Jupiter will be squaring her Mercury and Venus, let's put focus on the fact that Mercury rules her ascendant and 4th house which is why there can be a link with family or her lover if it isn't about her mindset. Virgo being in her 4th house though makes it more tangible. Venus rules her 12th house and 5th house of romance and children. Basically this whole Jupiter aspect transit could be connected to her family. Let's see what happens.
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Chrisean Rock Numerology Report

This Numerology report will be for Chrisean Rock who was born in Baltimore Maryland and who is a star based on her connection to Blueface and Natalie Nunn's Baddies show on Zeus Network.
Chrisean's Numerology Report will be a decoding all from her name, not her birthday. Her birthday is one thing that can't ever change in her lifetime so that energy is fixed and general.
Chrisean's full name is "Chrisean Eugenia Malone". I will first decode her first name separately as it's the most significant energy and then I will do a full name decode as well.
Let's start breaking down her name.
C - This is the third letter of the alphabet which gives it the energy of 3 and 3 energy could be very social or creative. This can also give someone a child like impression or there could be something about them that is very jolly or it reminds you of a child sometimes. This can make them come off approachable at times as well. Names that start with this letter, it makes three and the letter C the most significant energy. This shows how Chrisean and anyone else who has a name that starts with this letter approaches the world and people around them in a very curious manner. These people wake up every day waiting to explore and seeing what they can learn or find out for that day.
H - H is connected to energy that has pressure but this is also connected to ambition as well. This could be why Chrisean has a lot of ambition and the capability of mastering something in her lifetime which also fits well with the number 9 which is connected to her R and I letters.
R - This letter vibrates at the number 9 even though it is the 18th letter and this gives someone the capability of mastering themselves or mastering something physical or amazing. This also gives them strong, ambitious energy as well and we can see that she has a very fit body and into sports, plus she has an Aries Mars.
I - This is the 9th letter of the alphabet which makes someone very adventurous by nature and they have the capability of being quick to take action. This is very spontaneous energy so when people have this letter in their name, they can definitely shock people a lot. This also contributes to someone being a traveler of some sort so people with this letter in their name, especially more than once can indicate someone that is likely going to be taking trips or flying planes. They basically will get out of their hometown even if they return to it, but they will know what another country and city looks like for sure.
S - Being the 19th letter of the alphabet gives this letter the energy of one, but it is the energy of empowerment right from within and this could be someone that wants to do their own thing as well. These people could be impulsive or they know how to take initiative, especially when something has really motivated them or sparked their interests.
E - This is the 5th letter of the alphabet which gives someone the energy of creativity and this can also make someone visually appealing or they could have some type of creative skill. This also contributes to the energy of complexity, but she only has this once so it's not too complex, at least not from this letter. This letter gives her a fighting power or a fighting spirit so she is capable of utilizing her natural strength to overcome difficulty.
A - This is the first letter of the alphabet which contributes to independence and action.
N - This is the 14th letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy 5 just like E, but a matured version. This adds onto her capability of overcoming difficulty and also being creative or making something tangible from her creativity.
Looking into her full name, she has a Destiny Number 1, soul urge 5, and personality #5.
5 is the number connected to romance, children, war, and unpredictability which is definitely fitting as she always shocked people with her actions and how combative she is, but she is pretty aware as well.
Based on her #1 Destiny number, She is meant to come into her personal power and experience some ease, but this 1 energy may also contribute to her child-like actions as well. She is wise, although the 1 energy is connected to new spirit type of energy. The fact that she has this matches with her strong Aries Mars influence. The 1 destiny number also is why she takes things personal to a fault.
Her having a 5 soul urge gives her natural fighting powespirit. This also connects to her romantic nature and how she always wanted Blueface to please her or she put their romantic life on blast, but not for attention, just from a natural place.
If you liked this report, you can support me at $astroneek
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Ok, so I've posted on here once before, about a year ago actually ! To recap, at the time my now husband and I were planing our micro-wedding and my ILs were incensed that my BIL did not get to have a plus one and didn't have a bigger role in our wedding. This is going to be a long post, with now over nine months of passive aggression and little things that pile-up.
Anyways, since then (and after a couple months of awkwardness) things have gotten back to normal. At least that was until I got pregnant. I have to admit, DH and I got pregnant quickly after our wedding only after a couple weeks of trying. So this is two big life events back to back for my ILs youngest son, while their oldest (my BIL) actually starts settling down with his GF.
First thing that my MIL asks when we announce that I'm pregnant is if we told my BIL yet. Not "OMG! Congrats !" No visible excitement. Just wanting to know if we told BIL and when she would be able to tell people. Ok, so annoying, but not surprising. I do know that my MIL had a really hard time getting pregnant with both of her boys (and staying pregnant) and had terrible birthing experiences (almost died with BIL), so I just assume that her lack of excitement is attached to those feelings, especially since we announced my pregnancy to them when I was about 9 weeks along.
She insisted that we tell my BIL at their place, and honestly I didn't really mind, we don't really see him anywhere else anyways. What bothered me though was how much more excited she seemed to be about his potential reaction to becoming an uncle than how DH felt about becoming a father. For those of you who are curious, when I showed him the ultrasound, he didn't really react, just said small congrats. His GF who I met twice previously was the most excited out of everyone there and gave DH and I a big hug (we really like her, she makes BIL a better person actually lol).
Now DH is 27 years old and he is the youngest in his whole extended family (which is quite small in any case). Last time my ILs interacted with a newborn was with my DH. I on the otherhand grew-up with in at-home day-care that my mother ran, have 14 cousins who all have kids. My experience is much more up-to-date and so is my mothers. My MIL started telling me what I should buy - all non baby safe things or outdated. I wouldn't necessarily mind, it's just that they seem to get slightly put-off whenever I tell them what we are getting, or just telling them that those items aren't safe nor recommended anymore. Also, my MIL does seem vexed when I talk about the tips my mother (who keep in mind has over 20 years of professional experience with children and babies) gives me, and how I'll most likely do those things. DH is following my lead because he has never even held a baby in his life and trusts that I know what I'm doing.
When came the time to find out the sex, once again, my BIL HAAAAAD to be involved. So much so that my MIL made us facetime him as we announced to everyone the sex (a GIRL!!). She then took the ultrasound photos out of my hand and started talking with BIL about how exciting it is that he's gonna have a niece. I then responded that DH is going to be a great girl-DAD, and that I can't wait to see DH be a great father. That got her to finally acknowledge the son that is the actual person that should be celebrated.
Next up - baby names ! It's really important to DH and I to have a name that works both in English and in French, since we live in a French area and my first language is French (my husband has a very Anglo name that DOES NOT fit well in Franco mouths lol). So for a boy we had a very "normal" name that I knew wouldn't cause much of an uproar, but the girl name we like is a little more out-of-the-box. Nothing ridiculous, but definitely not common. We easily shared the boy name, but I wanted to hold off on the girl name until we knew the sex. So now, since everyone on my side knew the name, we kinda felt obligated to tell them as well. When we tell them, my MIL just looks at me with a fake smile and says "that's different, but you know, you don't have to decide just yet, you always have time to change your mind". DH doesn't understand that in women speak, that means "ew, what a terrible choice". I said that our minds aren't going to change, we chose it well before we even started trying (heck, long before we were even married!).
Later, my BIL asks us when the baby is due, cause he and his GF were planing a road trip around the same time our little girl should be here. I told him, but I also said not to worry about it because it's not like anyone is gonna be at the hospital anyways, so they should enjoy themselves. My MIL chimes in with a huge grin "Well I'M gonna be there!". DH who was on his way to the bathroom double backs as quickly as he can as I sheepishly say that no, we actually don't want anyone there since I'll be in pain and after birth I won't have the energy or desire to see anyone but my baby and husband. She said "Well I'm not gonna come see you, just the baby". DH explained that babies stay in the room with the parents and that no one was coming to the hospital. At a later date, I was having a conversation with my FIL and mentionned that MIL had said she wanted to come to the hospital and he just looked so confused and told me that they didn't have anyone at the hospital with the boys, and how strange it was that she said she had to be there.
MIL also seems kinda insulted that my pregnancy has been going so well. I understand that her experiences were very difficult and I try not to talk to much about how well mine is going cause I don't want her to feel like I'm rubbing it in her face. But she constantly comments on how small I am (she said she expected me to "blow-up and become huge") and asks if I'm sure she's growing fine. She also touches my belly without asking and that really bugs me. I have an anterior placenta which makes it very difficult for others to feel her movements (which I've explained MULTIPLE times) and she will still put her hands on me. She even went down on her knees in front of me when I was on the couch and craddled my stomach right after I said that she WASN'T even moving ! I wouldn't mind as much if she just asked !
We were recently talking about mother's day, and I jokingly said "well you won't be the only one celebrated on that day anymore!" and she looked me dead in the eyes and said "you aren't a mother yet, so this one is still mine". Jesus. Guess what MIL ? For the first time in 8 years DH and I are spending it with my mom who has recently moved close to us and who as said that she can't wait to celebrate me for the first time as a mom.
There is so much more I could say, but we would be here all day. I'm not really looking for advice, but I mostly wanted to commiserate with people who might have the same/similar experience as me. Baby girl should be here in two weeks, so I am fortifying myself for the overbearing grandmother that is sure to come lol.

DAY: MAY 9 2024

• 5-9-2024DO YOU KNOW YOUR RISKS FOR BREAST CANCER? The reminders are everywhere. When a woman turns 40, doctors say she should begin receiving yearly mammograms to detect breast cancer. You see it on posters, ads and buttons. Doctors beat the drum forcefully and often because the stakes are high. While both women and men can develop breast cancer, the disease occurs far more often in women. Breast cancer remains the second leading cause of cancer death in women, according to the American Cancer Society. About 42,250 women in the United States will die from it this year
• 5-9-2024HERE’S THE ROLE EXERCISE PLAYS, FROM PREVENTION TO TREATMENT Cancer is the second leading cause of death worldwide. In Europe, almost 3 in every 10 adults were diagnosed with a form of cancer in 2022. With the recent revelations that three members of the royal family have cancer, many people may be thinking about their own risk of developing cancer—and wondering if there’s anything they can do to prevent the disease. Cancer is a complex condition, with many factors that may increase a person’s risk. But research shows exercise may actually play an important role
• 5-9-2024HOW TO SPOT FAKE PRODUCTS AND REPORT THEM Counterfeit versions of Botox have been found in multiple states, including California, according to the California Department of Public Health. The health agency is warning consumers and medical providers to be wary of the counterfeit products, which have caused “hospitalizations and other serious reactions in people who received injections in non-medical, unlicensed settings.” “Counterfeit or incorrectly administered Botox, even in small amounts, can result in serious health problems and even death
• 5-9-2024STUDY SHOWS HOW NIGHT SHIFT WORK CAN RAISE RISK OF DIABETES, OBESITY Just a few days on a night shift schedule throws off protein rhythms related to blood glucose regulation, energy metabolism and inflammation, processes that can influence the development of chronic metabolic conditions. The finding, from a study led by scientists at Washington State University and the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory, provides new clues as to why night shift workers are more prone to diabetes, obesity and other metabolic disorders.
• 5-9-2024BABY BORN DEAF CAN HEAR AFTER BREAKTHROUGH GENE THERAPY A baby girl born deaf can hear unaided for the first time, after receiving gene therapy when she was 11 months old at Addenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge. Opal Sandy from Oxfordshire is the first patient treated in a global gene therapy trial, which shows “mind-blowing” results.
• 5-9-2024GROWING BODY OF RESEARCH SHOWS IMPORTANCE OF ADDRESSING LONELINESS, SOCIAL ISOLATION Too much time alone can take a toll on the mind—and for older adults, the consequences can be particularly severe. “Individuals who experience isolation have higher levels of negative cardiovascular outcomes, functional limitations, cognitive health, and a 30% increased mortality risk as indicated in certain studies,”
• 5-9-2024AMGEN PLOWS AHEAD WITH COSTLY, HIGHLY TOXIC CANCER DOSING DESPITE FDA CHALLENGE When doctors began using the drug sotorasib in 2021 with high expectations for its innovative approach to attacking lung cancer, retired medical technician Don Crosslin was an early beneficiary. Crosslin started the drug that July. His tumors shrank, then stabilized. But while the drug has helped keep him alive, its side effects have gradually narrowed the confines of his life, said Crosslin, 76, who lives in Ocala, Florida: “My appetite has been minimal. I’m very weak.
• 5-9-2024HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT HELPS TRANSFORM ‘CRAZY IDEA’ INTO A MODEL THAT CAN PREDICT NEUROTRANSMITTERS
• 5-9-2024STUDY SHOWS NOT ALL ULTRA-PROCESSED FOODS ARE BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH In recent years, there’s been increasing hype about the potential health risks associated with so-called “ultra-processed” foods. But new evidence published this week found not all “ultra-processed” foods are linked to poor health. That includes the mass-produced wholegrain bread you buy from the supermarket. While this newly published research and associated editorial are unlikely to end the wrangling about how best to define unhealthy foods and diets
• 5-9-2024KETO DIET BOOSTS LIFESAVING ANTIFUNGAL DRUG IN MICE In the United States fluconazole is commonly used to treat yeast infections and thrush, but in other parts of the world—particularly sub-Saharan Africa—it’s also the only drug available to combat life-threatening fungal infections associated with AIDS. For the roughly 150,000 AIDS patients who come down with a life-threatening infection called fungal meningitis each year, there aren’t many options
• 5-9-2024LOW-COST MRI PAIRED WITH AI PRODUCES HIGH-QUALITY RESULTS First introduced five decades ago, MRI scanners are now a cornerstone of modern medicine, vital for diagnosing strokes, tumors, spinal conditions and more, without exposing patients to radiation. A magnetic resonance imaging device built with off-the-shelf parts and paired with AI matched the performance of high-end MRI machines, according to a study published Thursday that could pave the way for greater access to the life-saving tools.
• 5-9-2024HOW ‘BUCKET LISTS’ HELP CANCER PATIENTS HANDLE LIFE AND DEATH In the 2007 film “The Bucket List,” Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman play two main characters who respond to their terminal cancer diagnoses by rejecting experimental treatment. Instead, they go on a range of energetic, overseas escapades. Since then, the term “bucket list”—a list of experiences or achievements to complete before you “kick the bucket” or die—has become common.
• 5-9-2024UNRAVELING THE LINK BETWEEN THE MICROBIOME AND ESOPHAGEAL CANCER Microbiota changes in esophageal cancer. The microbiota of the distal esophagus was influenced by acid reflux from the stomach. Acid reflux leads to inflammation and mucosal damage, resulting in the change of microbiome in the distal esophagus. This process allows the columnar epithelium to replace the original squamous epithelium of the esophagus, which can then progress to BE and EAC
• 5-9-2024WHAT MAKES A PUBLIC HEALTH CAMPAIGN SUCCESSFUL? The highest performing countries across public health outcomes share many drivers that contribute to their success. In recent years, the EGH program has begun to identify and study positive outliers when it comes to global health programs around the world
• 5-9-2024HUMAN BRAIN MAP CONTAINS NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN DETAILS OF STRUCTURE
• 5-9-2024THROMBECTOMY LINKED TO BETTER OUTCOMES FOR ACUTE STROKE, LARGE INFARCT
• 5-9-2024GI PROCEDURES CAN PRODUCE DANGEROUS LEVELS OF SMOKE
• 5-9-2024UNDER 4-MINUTE MILERS’ LONGEVITY SHOWS THAT EXTREME EXERCISE DOESN’T SEEM TO CURB LIFESPAN
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DEPRESSION SYMPTOMS AND PHYSICAL ACTIVITY LIKELY GOES BOTH WAYS
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS ASSOCIATION BETWEEN NEIGHBORHOOD DEPRIVATION AND DNA METHYLATION IN AN AUTOPSY COHORT
• 5-9-2024RECALL NOTICE AFTER MORE THAN 200 INSULIN PUMP USERS INJURED DUE TO APP MALFUNCTION
• 5-9-2024RECALL NOTICE AFTER MORE THAN 200 INSULIN PUMP USERS INJURED DUE TO APP MALFUNCTION
• 5-9-2024THE BEGINNING OF BECOMING A HUMAN—INSIGHTS FROM RESEARCHERS
• 5-9-2024HOW ANTIBODY LEVELS CAN PREDICT WHICH CHILDREN WILL OUTGROW THEIR PEANUT ALLERGY
• 5-9-2024INTEGRATING SOCIAL CARE INTO A SAFETY NET HEALTH SYSTEM
• 5-9-2024SCIENTIST PARTNERS WITH COLLEAGUES AROUND THE GLOBE TO MAKE GENE THERAPIES MORE EFFECTIVE AND WIDELY AVAILABLE
• 5-9-2024DEEP LEARNING-BASED WHOLE-BODY PSMA PET/CT ATTENUATION CORRECTION UTILIZING PIX-2-PIX GAN
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS INVESTIGATE THE PRINCIPLES GOVERNING THE BIOLOGY OF EARLY, PRECANCEROUS LESIONS
• 5-9-2024PROVIDING END-OF-LIFE CARE AT HOME HAS ENVIRONMENTAL BENEFITS, SAYS STUDY
• 5-9-2024PATIENTS WITH CHRONIC LUNG DISEASE WHO LIVE FARTHER FROM A HOSPITAL FOUND TO HAVE POORER SURVIVAL RATE
• 5-9-2024‘SMART’ CONTACT LENSES COULD SOMEDAY ENABLE WIRELESS GLAUCOMA DETECTION
• 5-9-2024OLDER VETERANS WITH COGNITIVE DIFFICULTIES COULD MISTAKENLY BE DIAGNOSED WITH ALZHEIMER’S WHEN PTSD IS ROOT CAUSE
• 5-9-2024RESEARCH CALLS FOR TRANSLATION OF AGED CARE ASSESSMENT TOOLS FOR CULTURALLY, LINGUISTICALLY DIVERSE COMMUNITIES
• 5-9-2024DURING PEAK OF COVID-19, SOME LACKED ACCESS TO SAFE WATER AND LAVATORIES
• 5-9-2024SOCIAL NETWORKS PROVIDE CRUCIAL SUPPORT FOR OLDER ADULTS LIVING WITH HIV, STUDY FINDS
• 5-9-2024TRAFFIC INJURIES TO LOW-INCOME NYC RESIDENTS FELL 30% IN FIRST FIVE YEARS OF ROAD SAFETY PROGRAM, STUDY FINDS
• 5-9-2024NEW TOOL STREAMLINES NURSE WORK ENVIRONMENT RESEARCH
• 5-9-2024THE IMPACT OF ESCALATING ENVIRONMENTAL AND SOCIAL CHALLENGES ON OUR BRAINS AND THE PLANET
• 5-9-2024MUSK’S NEURALINK SAYS ISSUE IN BRAIN IMPLANT FIXED
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS DISCRIMINATION MAY ACCELERATE AGING
• 5-9-2024BULLYING SIGNIFICANT ISSUE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE IN AFTERMATH OF EYE CANCER, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-9-2024OLDER SINGAPOREANS WHO VOLUNTEER PERCEIVE A BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE, FINDS STUDY
• 5-9-2024SYMPTOM BURDEN PREVALENT IN CHILDHOOD CANCER SURVIVORS
• 5-9-2024ADOPTION STUDY LINKS CHILD BEHAVIOR ISSUES WITH MOTHER’S TRAUMA
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY HIGHLY DRUG-RESISTANT INFECTIONS FROM STEM CELL TREATMENTS IN MEXICO
• 5-9-2024RESEARCH FINDS GENETIC VARIATION THAT COULD LEAD TO INCREASED RISK OF VIRAL INFECTIONS
• 5-9-2024NAVY GROWLER JET NOISE OVER WASHINGTON STATE’S WHIDBEY ISLAND COULD IMPACT 74,000 PEOPLE’S HEALTH
• 5-9-2024PREDICTING AND DETECTING ABUSE IN SUPPORTED LIVING FOR PEOPLE WITH A LEARNING DISABILITY AND AUTISTIC PEOPLE
• 5-9-2024AUSTRALIAN STUDY FINDS LARGE SUPPORT FOR BLOCKING ONLINE ALCOHOL CONTENT
• 5-9-2024COLORECTAL CANCER CASES MORE THAN TRIPLED AMONG TEENS OVER TWO DECADES, DATA SHOW
• 5-9-2024ENDOSCOPIC PROCEDURE BURNS STOMACH LINING TO REDUCE ‘HUNGER HORMONE’ AND LEAD TO WEIGHT LOSS
• 5-9-2024RADIOTHERAPY WITH HORMONE THERAPY CAN HELP SOME ADVANCED PROSTATE CANCER PATIENTS AVOID CHEMOTHERAPY
• 5-9-2024REMOVING GUT BACTERIA’S POTENTIAL ‘SAFE HOUSE’ MAY LOWER RISK OF COLORECTAL CANCER SUBTYPE
• 5-9-2024NEW AI TOOL USES A SMALL SET OF INTERPRETABLE VARIABLES TO RAPIDLY ASSESS SELF-HARM RISK
• 5-9-2024A MOTHER’S LOSS LAUNCHES A GLOBAL EFFORT TO FIGHT ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANCE
• 5-9-2024HOSPITALS NO LONGER MUST REPORT COVID DATA TO CDC, SPOTLIGHTING CLUNKY SYSTEM
• 5-9-2024NEW TREATMENT COULD REVERSE HAIR LOSS CAUSED BY AUTOIMMUNE SKIN DISEASE ALOPECIA AREATA
• 5-9-2024NEW DRUG REDUCES VASCULAR LEAK AND ENDOTHELIAL CELL DYSFUNCTION IN MICE WITH SEPSIS
• 5-9-2024GPS-LIKE SYSTEM SHOWS PROMISE AS HIV VACCINE STRATEGY TO ELICIT CRITICAL ANTIBODIES
• 5-9-2024SUPERCHARGING IMMUNE CELLS TO BATTLE BLOOD CANCER: ADVANCES IN CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-9-2024STUDY SHOWS THAT ASTROCYTES INTEGRATE INFORMATION ABOUT PAST EVENTS IN THEIR SOMA
• 5-9-2024OLDER ADULTS WITH AGGRESSIVE BLOOD CANCER ARE RESPONSIVE TO TREATMENT AND SHOW PROLONGED SURVIVAL: STUDY
• 5-9-2024STUDY IDENTIFIES PRIMARY CAUSE OF SENSORY HYPERSENSITIVITY IN A MOUSE MODEL OF AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER
• 5-9-2024CARIBBEAN RESEARCHERS INNOVATE TO PROTECT CANCER PATIENTS FROM COMPOUNDING DISASTERS
• 5-9-2024STUDY INTRODUCES HYPERSPECTRAL DARK-FIELD MICROSCOPY FOR RAPID AND ACCURATE IDENTIFICATION OF CANCEROUS TISSUES
• 5-9-2024STUDY FINDS PATIENTS WITH LIMITED ENGLISH PROFICIENCY HAVE POORER EXPERIENCES WITH VIRTUAL HEALTH CARE
• 5-9-2024AI ADVANCEMENTS MAKE THE LEAP INTO 3D PATHOLOGY POSSIBLE
• 5-9-2024NEW CELLS COULD BE KEY TO TREATING OBESITY
• 5-9-2024SCIENTISTS PINPOINT NEW VACCINE ADJUVANT THAT PROMOTES POTENT ANTI-TUMOR IMMUNITY
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS ESTIMATE VACCINES HAVE SAVED 154 MILLION LIVES OVER PAST HALF-CENTURY
• 5-9-2024SCIENTISTS DISCOVER HOW DEADLY SKIN CANCER EVADES THE HUMAN IMMUNE SYSTEM
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS INVESTIGATE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PERCEIVED GLOSSINESS AND PUPILLARY RESPONSES
• 5-9-2024TELEHEALTH GROUP SESSIONS CAN BENEFIT CLINICIAN-PATIENT RELATIONSHIPS
• 5-9-2024ARIZONA’S NOW-REPEALED ABORTION BAN SERVES AS A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH CARE ACROSS THE US
• 5-9-2024ASTRAZENECA’S COVID VACCINE WITHDRAWN—IT WAS A VICTIM OF MISINFORMATION RIGHT TO THE END, RESEARCHER SAYS
• 5-9-2024BRAIN STUDY IDENTIFIES A COST OF CAREGIVING FOR NEW FATHERS
• 5-9-2024SCOPE OF MATERNAL SUBSTANCE USE DISORDER CRISIS IS DRAMATICALLY UNDERESTIMATED, SAYS STUDY
• 5-9-2024STUDY HIGHLIGHTS MATERNITY CARE MODEL’S SUCCESS
• 5-9-2024RESEARCHERS DISCOVER BENEFITS OF ADDING IMMUNE-BOOSTING AGENT TO PERSONALIZED CANCER VACCINE
• 5-9-2024NEW STEM CELL RESEARCH MAY HAVE IMPLICATIONS FOR LIVER TRANSPLANTATION
• 5-9-2024SOME BRAIN TUMORS MAY BE LINKED TO HEAD INJURY, MOUSE STUDY SUGGESTS
• 5-9-2024STUDY DETAILS HOW MAJOR ADVANCES HAVE BEEN IMPLEMENTED IN INTENSIVE DIABETES MANAGEMENT
• 5-9-2024COLLABORATION UNCOVERS AN ENTIRELY NEW COVID-RELATED SYNDROME
• 5-9-2024STUDY REVEALS HOW GENDER AFFECTS LIVER TRANSPLANT SUCCESS IN CANCER PATIENTS
• 5-9-2024HOW ULTRASOUND AND MICROBUBBLES COULD DELIVER IMMUNOTHERAPY TO THE BRAIN
• 5-9-2024BARIATRIC SURGERY TIED TO HIGHER SHORT-TERM RISK FOR VENOUS THROMBOEMBOLISM
• 5-9-2024SIMPLE ‘SWISH-AND-SPIT’ ORAL RINSE COULD PROVIDE EARLY SCREENING FOR GASTRIC CANCER

Why do I feel so guilty about asking for time?! Surgery is 5/7, and she wants me to hold off of work until my incision check on 5/30. It's an extra week. My brain immediately goes to this awful stream of "You're fired. Worst employee ever. You're a whiny baby. You're selfish. You're faking this whole thing. Do you even NEED surgery? They're gonna hate you now" etc, etc. I know per ultrasound I'm measuring 17+ weeks with the size of these fibroids. I know my ferritin is currently struggling to stay at 8, and was 3 ten months ago. I know I bleed like I'm the sole source of blood in Carrie, wear diapers lined with super overnight pads (not the thin...that's just not gonna do it), have passed out in front of my kids, have been to hematology for iron infusions, pass buckets of fist sized clots every month even with Lysteda on board. I know I have endometriosis and have had three c-sections that left a web of scars. It's likely a post-apocalyptic nightmare in there. She let me know she has general surgeon she has on stand by for my surgery, in case she needs more hands to take down adhesions. It's why I'm the 1st surgery. I'm the problem child. So why am I beating myself up like this?! I'm sitting here in a puddle of guilt and shame, trying to shut off the voice that's going "you're gonna be mortified when they get in there and it's nothing." Where does that even come from?! I'm a nurse. I'd never treat anyone that way. Except myself. Sigh.

I teach 8th grade, and my students LOVE Ghosts, and they love to make jokes, and some people made the same joke, and it made me think of the joke they made about Isaac I found Hilarious! (we will be using fake names to respect privacy)
Richard: Mrs. Scots, is the actor that plays Isaac taking a break?
Me: Not Sure.
Rihanna: I doubt he's pregnant.
Liv: Nah, I thought he was.
Rihanna: He is! He's pregnant with a dinosaur and the stripper's the father.
Richard: Yeah! The ultrasound in the announcement showed that he was pregnant with a baby pachycephalosaurus!
God, I love these kids.

I (37 f), have been living with my roommate (34 m) since late 2016. We have very different personalities but for the majority of the time we're civilized to each other. That began to change in February.
Before I get into it a few key things to note: I have recurring tendonitis from a dislocated shoulder due to childhood DV. He knows about this and has seen me struggle through a rotator cuff tear that happened when I fell during a workout nearly 3 yrs ago. It took 16 weeks to recover from that.
So in late February of this year, I woke up after having gone to bed the night before feeling completely fine and it's like my shoulder is being stabbed and the object in it is being twisted. I literally can't do anything. I can't bend my arm so that my hand is at waist level, I can't reach behind me, above me, to the side of me, nothing without that twisting stabbing feeling becoming worse. Even better, I can't really get a good grip on anything. So I went to the doctor got X-rays and an ultrasound, and yes my rotator cuff is inflamed again, my doctor puts me on naproxen and a narcotic pain killer, advising me to not lift more than 5lbs with that arm until it fully recovers and I have to take time off work to rest my arm and let the muscle heal. This is where trouble begins. My roommate insists that I need to keep up with doing my own dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc.
I try telling him what the doctor told me and he helps out twice before deciding that he's done enough and I'm faking it. Today I woke up and realized I couldn't make myself anything for breakfast as I had no cold cereal left, there were no clean pots or pans for making eggs, pancakes, nothing. I had toast but nothing to put on the toast so I knew it wouldn't stay with me. I texted him asking him to do the pots and pans when he got home today, and his response was, "I only used the two pans. You clean your own stuff." I went back and forth with him a bit and he was unwilling to budge, in desperation to get help from him, and not have to hurt myself even worse I told him, "I need your help with this so my arm can heal. If you're not gonna agree to that I'll screenshot this convo, post it on FB and tag you for all of your friends to see." To be clear I didn't want to, but I was at the end of my rope. He was literally punishing me for making myself pasta (I can cook one handed, not so good cleaning up one handed).
his response was "whatever", which I knew to mean, he wasn't going to help. So I followed through, a couple told me I shouldn't be airing it publically, and I agree, it shouldn't have come down to that, but I couldn't think of any other way to maintain his attention long enough for him to actually talk with me about this instead of just demanding his way or the highway, so AITA?

I know this is long but please bear with me.
(I’m writing this while my mom and stepdad is asleep)
I need to be extremely cautious right now because I don’t want my mom to know who I’m talking to on my phone because she’ll ask and if I tell her, I’ll get in so much trouble (Again). Especially if it’s online.
For context, I’m 28(F), and I’ll be 29 in December, and I can’t drive because of my eyesight.
Please do not suggest family therapy!! I don’t wanna do family therapy because I know my family is gonna deny everything they’ve done and are still doing to me.
So…
I’m losing hope in my life.
A few days ago I haven't been feeling well since I got up. My right ear was hurting and made me have headaches, made my teeth and jaw hurt, even my neck, and I even had pain in my right eye earlier that day.
But that wasn’t the big issue. I also have been feeling nauseous. And I was crying because I threw up my Burger King that night. I had to leave my grandfather’s house immediately because I was getting cold sweats and I just didn't feel well..
I told my mom and dad about it because I was home alone again. But my mom and dad just told me to take some Pepto and lie down.
My mom once again blamed me getting sick because I’m not eating enough and me eating junk. She also said I wasn’t like this when I talked to her earlier that day.
My mom also got upset the other day when I told her I used the BC pain powder medication you get at a local store. She literally asked me what am I using it for, and who recommended it to me.
Last month, my mom and dad got angry at me because I told them about my mental health, or tried to again. And I even told them my family doctor wants me to do more talk therapy and see a psychiatrist, but my mom told me I don’t need more therapy and stuff, and my dad told me to look for ones myself.
Also my insurance only covers 2 mental health places in my state. One doesn’t do psychiatric care and the other one only specializes in pediatrics. And I can’t go out of state.
They even cover one dentist as well!!
My gender dysphoria with my breasts and my periods are bad again. Also my body dysmorphia with my chin and jaw, and also my lab*a is extremely bad again as well.
My mom even told me today to just shave my bikini area and don’t let it grow long. But I tried telling her that shaving down there is too hard and not all of the hair won’t come off no matter how hard I shave.
I tried mentioning to her about me getting a bikini waxing but I didn’t because she was shopping for clothes and she didn’t want to be bothered.
I even showed my mom 3 dresses that I liked, but she told me “You won’t even wear that!!” She said that a couple of times in the past too.
Anyway, I’m underweight again but I’m happy about that. (I have EDs for certain reasons)
My family won’t let me move out, they get really angry when I try to talk to them about my life goals like transitioning to male, plastic surgery, doing those regular and sxy cosplays, make TikToks, and even maybe becoming a Cm Mod*l.
But everyone says it’s unrealistic. Even my twin sister told me that it’s unrealistic last month. But how is it unrealistic if other real life people are doing it?
My family always tells me to just eat more. But that’s not how eating disorders work. None of my family understands that.
My mom and stepdad even said that I chose to have EDs, Body Dysmorphia, Gender Dysphoria, etc., that I caused all these problems in my head, the internet is influencing me, the usual.
I also had another nightmare about my family last month. In that dream, I got angry, threw a tantrum because my mom and dad told me that my dreams, goals in life are unrealistic, and I started attacking them. Like beating them up.
But that’s not the weird part, I literally felt myself crying. That has happened before with these nightmares.
I had over 60 since September of 2021. Some about my “friends” and school, but mostly about my parents and family treating me bad.
Some of them I woke up shaking or even crying after I got out of bed.
I just need to know why are these happening…
Same with me dissociating and having emotional flashbacks.
With the flashbacks, when I see something or whatever, all of the feelings and thoughts come back to when my parents, family, and friends were mean to me, treated me badly, etc.
And with the dissociation, it doesn’t happen all the time, but when I do, it feels like looking through a glass wall and/or a fish bowl. I still see and hear everything around me, but I just stare and my mind is just blank. For example, when I’m watching a video, I dissociate and I missed what was happening in said video.
I also go in a childlike state sometimes. For example, when my bio dad made me upset one time, I went up to my room and hugged my stuffed animal(s) for protection and comfort.
I also get scared to go to certain places like my mom and stepdad’s house, the area around the school I got bullied in, getting triggered by certain things, all that stuff.
But everyone says I shouldn’t get re evaluated but I’m so confused!!!
I need to make sure I’m not crazy and not faking everything!!
My mom told me today at dinner that she thinks I still have PDDNOS, AKA, SOME autistic characteristics and not Asperger’s.
I then told her I’m now obsessing over it. And once again, her and my stepdad as well told me a diagnosis doesn’t define you, and basically I think they were telling me I don’t need to be re evaluated again.
My mom also told me that doctors can’t know what you have because they’re not you or something like that…
But I’m now even more confused!! And I’m angry again…
I also don’t see my psychologist until June 5th so I have no idea how I’m gonna manage until then.
And on Monday when my bio dad was taking me to my ultrasound appointment, he told me to go on TikTok and look up how to eat healthy…
And when I told my mom that I need a follow up appointment with my family doctor when she picked me up on Wednesday, she told me I don’t need one right now and to not schedule one this week or something. I can’t remember…
But she just told me to just drink water, walk around and move more, and to eat fruits and veggies to get rid of constipation from my IBS instead of taking the Senna Syrup that my family doctor prescribed me…
My dad even asked me last month what kind of TikToks I am gonna make….
And I know I need to get my mental health better before I do any of those things. But I literally can’t because of my parents and family treating me like this…They won’t even let me move out! They say I’m not capable of maintaining a household and stuff.
My parents and my family has done more things in the past but unfortunately I can’t remember them…
I wish I can just rebel against them and just do whatever the hell I want. But obviously, I’m terrified of getting in trouble.
How can I make them, even my doctors realize that I can’t get my mental health stable before I make any physical changes to my body because my parents and my family is making everything 100% worse?
And how can I convince my doctors and my parents that I honestly believe something more is going on with my mental health and I need to be re evaluated again just to make sure everything is still correct and I’m not crazy??
I deeply apologize for the really long post. But any advice anyone?
Am I really making everything up and overreacting?

STATUS REPORT (for anyone who has been out of the loop)
JD's self-diagnosed high-risk with fraternal boy/girl twins "immaculate conception" was confirmed via 5 hCG tests and 1 fake sonogram altered by Fiverr Adobe Acrobat and JD from a pretend visit to Planned Parenthood following participating in a multi-day horse competition.
Most of June and July are spent harassing Clayton and his family.
Next, JD allegedly "loses" the pregnancy the day before what she later refers to as the date of her "first sonogram". The date-- July 23rd-- is sandwiched between two 3-day horse competitions she participated in, one on July 21-23 and the next on July 28-30.
Still, JD files a parenting plan and lawsuit against CE and begins contacting organizations who have hired CE to speak in an attempt to cut off his financial resources and defame him.
Then, JD contacts the media and exaggerates her "credentials". A few outlets reluctantly pick up the story. Since so few media sources are willing to give attention to the story, JD brings the story to Reddit in an attempt to defame CE. Simultaneously, the elusive Howard Journalism Student and Closeted Bachelor Fan (Shh)™ Chase Jay Jones issues a press release to hundreds-- possibly thousands-- of media outlets, further defaming CE in an attempt to get CE cancelled. JD is photographed participating flat-bellied in a horse competition AFTER her "pregnant belly selfie" videos.
Meanwhile, JD attends tons of undocumented (ahem... pretend) specialist appointments for her self-reported high-risk twin mixed-gender pregnancy. She also files for an order of protection against CE so that she can harass CE via the Scottsdale PD. Whenever she is backed into a corner, she cries "death threats" or self-harm baits.
Each of the paternity tests return the result of little-to-no fetal DNA. One version (JD created multiple) of a self-ordered hCG test from Oct 16 returns results that are not consistent with a viable pregnancy. Undeterred, JD has a consultation with a neurologist The Next Day claiming to be 22 weeks pregnant with mixed-gender twins. How she knows it is twins and how she knows their gender remains the mystery of the century as NO ultrasound was ever performed.
She has a pretend visit with Dr. Higley on October 27 shortly before claiming under oath to be "absolutely" "100%" "24-weeks" pregnant with CE's twins with a belly so large and mobile that jumps up and covers her breasts during a video hearing.
Realizing she is utterly disgraced and discredited, JD attends an appointment with a provider called MomDoc on Nov 14, claiming a LMP of Nov 9 due to her claim of recently passing clots. Her medical records published by her attorney show two pregnancies, an elective abortion in 2019 and a spontaneous miscarriage in... August of 2023? A date carefully chosen, no doubt, to justify the legal filings and defamatory statements she made at the beginning of August. There is no mention of any termination related to GG's timeline. NONE.
Nevertheless, JD persists forward with litigation to this day, 11 months after two blowjobs.
Clayton claimed he was stubborn. JD, apparently, is determined to prove she is MORE stubborn. Even if it means losing hundreds of thousands of dollars, lying many times under oath, perpetuating fraud, and destroying any shred of integrity, dignity, or reputation credibility she-- or her new attorney-- may have had.
As of May 1, 2024, it appears that JD and her twin flame attorney will indeed be going down in flames.

Hello!! Just joined as today my period was due so I'm accepting I am indeed pregnant. My concern is I didn't get a positive on the ultra sensitive cheapies until 12dpo. I feel like that means I didn't implant until 11dpo and my chance of miscarriage is super high. I'm leaving in a week for a 3 week work trip in BFE eastern Europe (military). What do I do if I miscarry?!?!? What if it's ectopic?!?! I've begged two docs to give me an ultrasound at 5 weeks 2 days (the day I leave) and they both said no ultrasound until 6 weeks. Like ugh it's 4 days can we just try to confirm location? I have zero expectation of a heartbeat at that point. I'm seriously considering faking pain and going to the ER the day before I leave. Am I 🤪??

I still can’t sleep at night, and when I do, I have these terrible and vivid nightmares about beast SIL taking baby from me. It’s not every night, though. The first time it happened, hubby woke up because I was basically screaming. I tried to sleep somewhere else the following nights, but he wouldn’t let me.
I hope tonight gets better. SIL was sent to do community service 😈 and she will also have to pay for all the damage she caused. Did you know how much damage an egg can cause to the paint of a car? I didn’t lol, and it’s not cheap to fix (didn’t know that either). She also broke a side view mirror. She’s also obliged to pay for all the medical expenses of my “fake fall” 😈. That will include ultrasounds and the time I went back to the ER because I was in pain. The RO for me and the baby will be extended for a year, so she can’t get close to us for a year, or she goes to jail 😈😈😈😈😈 She doesn’t work and as far as we know, the beast is having problems since hubby’s RO, and now she has to pay a lot of money. Yes, we’re very alert because it’s not good news for them… they are not happy.
I see this as a big win, BUT now the beast and creepy stupid BIL are free of their own ROs.
Now, after that last MIL’s unwanted visit (🤮), we are sure they know that I’m pregnant. Not officially confirmed for them, but they would be very stupid if they didn’t know. They haven’t said nor done anything. Meanwhile, I’m trying to enjoy the vomiting moment lol 🤷🏻‍♀️. I wish I had thrown up all over her face after knowing what she did to our baby.
Because, oh, there’s a bit more about what happened that last time MIL took care of baby. I had another conversation with good SIL, and I simply can’t understand her secrecy about it. I just can’t— and I can’t be sure she’s telling me everything. she keeps trying to talk with me, suggested we talk in person, but I just can’t and won’t. I’m not sure she already told good BIL about that day, as she said she would. I was hesitant after the first time we talked, but now… idk, it’s the secret that bothers me.
And I guess that’s all. Can’t sleep right now, but I’m not tired, so I thought about writing over here. It’s been calm in general… even MIL’s visit is sort of a funny memory right now. She sent the ticket for the cost of her shoes 😂 LMAO, this woman!
**Edit because I think you deserve to know all the gossip about the vomiting lol.
MIL came during the weekend because of hubby’s birthday (it was on Thursday but she decided to come over during the weekend). We were out, and when we arrived home, everything seemed to be normal. Hubby left his car outside because it was still early. I got out of the car and was about to take baby (she was luckily sleeping), when hubby grabbed me and told me to get inside the house. We didn’t see her car, but she was parked waiting for us 💆🏻‍♀️ She approached hubby, she was carrying a gift. Hubby stayed near the car because baby was still there. I was very nervous and started to feel dizzy. I was listening to the conversation, basically hubby telling her to go away and not accept the present. Then, she came close to me and started yelling. I wasn’t really paying attention to what she was saying. I told her I wasn’t feeling so good and asked her to please move so I could get inside. She started talking about how I play the victim, mentioned the fall blah blah 🙄I tried to walk around her, but she didn’t let me, she would literally move to where I moved. It was starting to get physical on her part. Hubby was by my side, said he would call the police while he was also doing that. I warned her one more time, and that’s when it happened, I couldn’t even finish the sentence lol. She started calling me names, crying, and asked hubby to give her something to clean herself. He was helping me and just laughed her off. Seriously, he was all concerned helping me and keeping an eye on baby but still had time to mock her while it happened. She left, kept yelling from her car on the other side of the street, and that was all 🤷🏻‍♀️ It felt good, not gonna lie, but I was also very embarrassed and ended up crying about it when hubby watched the video 🤣 but this man was laughing his ass of and told me it was a badass move so yea, we laughed. She sent the ticket today LMAO.