Online biology quizzes: heart

I learned how to speak to shadows.

2024.05.19 22:43 thayeryan I learned how to speak to shadows.

I was brought up in a church. It was always boring and strange and I never really felt welcome, despite everyone's persistent attempts to tell me how happy they were to see me every week. Nevertheless, the stories I was taught there were all I had. And even if I didn’t fully understand them, to me, there was a god and good and evil, and I was just a mortal caught in the middle of it all.
I was around 12 or 13 years old at the time. I remember it being spring time outside, beautiful but tainted by a plague of allergies that had come over me. I was stuck in a habit back then of reading books late into the night. My mom was mostly supportive of it though and bought me a book light to use in the dark, with the caveat that I put the book down by 10PM at the latest.
On the first night that it happened, I remember being very sucked into the story I was reading. I had started a new book and I distinctly remember thinking that the story wasn’t for someone my age, and if my mother found out what I was reading, she might not let me keep it. The feeling that I was doing something wrong had me on edge in a sort of fun and exciting way, and my heart was beginning to beat somewhat quickly as I continued.
And then I heard it. A rustling sound like something had slid off of a hanger in my closet. I jumped in place, dropping my book down on the blanket, the clip-on book light casting a long and imposing shadow across the room. What I saw next was difficult to make out and is even harder to picture in my mind all these years later. I remember my clothes hung up in the closet, swaying in place, almost shivering or jittering from the movement coming from behind them. The book light was cut off along one edge of the closet opening, only showing the bottom of my hanging clothes and part way down onto the floor where some old shoeboxes and retired sports equipment was stored. But there was something odd and quite noticeable partially in view within the small glow of light that existed there. At the time it was puzzling to interpret as I had been expecting my angry mother to have somehow divined that I was reading something she didn’t approve of. But with time and reflection it became clear that the dark shape I saw amongst my belongings was an abnormally long and trembling leg.
“P-please!! P-put that down!”
It spoke with a frantic whisper, as if I was inadvertently pointing a loaded gun at it. I froze for a moment, staring at the indiscernible shape, watching my jacket and button down shirts shivering on their hangers when it suddenly occurred to me. I frantically grabbed the book light and pulled it to my chest. I could have quickly turned and shown it directly into the closet, but for some reason, I didn’t.
The nights that followed were difficult. I kept looking over my shoulder, staring in the direction of my closet, wondering if something would happen instead of falling asleep or reading. My mother even took notice of the sudden change, asking me, “Is something wrong, sweetie?” before tucking me in one night.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I’m just bored with my book,” I lied.
“You can’t give up on it now, dear! Even if it’s not for you, at least try and finish it so you know for sure.”
That night I pulled the book out again and continued from where I left off. I felt bad, as if I was taking advantage of my mom’s ignorance as she advocated for me to read a book that she must not have known the full story behind. But still, I wasn’t really bored of it. In fact, once I had the book out and in my hands again, I felt that same itch I had before. An excitement to see what came next. To know what else lies between the pages of the coming chapters. And as I read further, my heart began to race again. I felt a tingle going up my spine now, and for some reason, I began to sweat.
“Can you hear us?”
The voice was closer this time, somewhere off to my side now, away from the closet and more toward the center of my room. I remained still, careful not to bounce the book light around in fear that I would drive the being away.
“Yes.” I told it. The moment after I spoke back to it for the first time, the strangeness of the situation became somewhat mildly apparent to me, although it still did not deter me or drive me toward fear.
“Good.”
I had church that next morning. What I didn’t realize that day, as we piled into the car at the crack of dawn, was that it would be the last time I would ever go to church for the rest of my life. I remember this day very well, as you’ll soon be able to tell.
“Did you sleep okay?” Mother asked me, peering into the backseat through the rear view mirror.
“Okay, yea.”
“How about your book? Did you read any?”
“Yeah.”
“Good! I’m glad.” She said, smiling with her eyes as they returned to the road ahead.
We pulled up to the church and parked in the small parking lot out front. It was altogether a poorly cared for area with faded yellow lines on the ground separating the parking spaces, and chunks of concrete broken apart as if the urban environment had somehow fallen victim to a recent bombing. Our church service was held in an office park of all places, down a flight of stairs and through a long hallway that always smelt like damp carpet. The church pastor had acquired the space for a good deal, and always talked about the location as if it were merely the humble beginning compared to where they would someday be.
We took our seats in the cramped room as usual and an eerie silence was broken by the sound of an old, muffled electronic organ that tried and failed to lift the energy of the room before our pastor walked out center stage.
“Welcome and good morning to everyone on this fine, somewhat humid day. I hope you all are doing well and the drive in wasn’t too problematic, what with all the traffic cones blooming for the summer.” He gave a sort of wincing smile as a few members of the crowd let out a light chuckle. “I’m sure we’re all eager to get on with service today as this is the day we’ve all been waiting for for almost 18 years now - wow! But I just wanted to take a brief moment before we begin to acknowledge the significant achievement of everyone here, and the endless effort you all have gone through in order to make sure that today happened at all.” The room filled with gentle clapping, everyone turning toward one another as they nodded in approval.
“Very good. Now, without any further delay. Let us begin.”
Several quick yet world changing events occurred in the minutes after his speech. Minutes that have dominated my life and memory ever since they happened. My mother stood up and took me by the hand, looking down at me with a large smile across her face.
“Come on! It’s time!”
“What for?” I hesitated, only slowly scooching off of my seat.
“It’s ok, you’re just going to read something out loud for everyone. Think of it like a speech in class, except everyone here is excited just to hear you speak. You won’t do anything wrong, I promise.” I nodded nervously and followed her up to the front of the congregation where she positioned me in front of a mic stand, adjusted down to my height, before leaving to stand next to the pastor. And then I saw her do something quite strange. She took the pastor's hand in her own and kissed him on the lips. The room was deadly silent as the lights overhead were shut off, suddenly leaving us all in a thick darkness. I squinted my eyes as I tried to look back towards my mother, hoping to god I could catch even the slightest hint of her familiar face.
The shadows were pierced by something on the far side of the room. A glow of red light parting the darkness like a curtain, illuminating the pages of an old looking but familiar book that was slowly making its way down the aisle and toward me. Somebody placed the book in my hands and opened it to the first page.
And then a familiar voice spoke.
“Read.”
“But… I’ve already read the beginning before.” I replied quietly.
“But they haven’t.” The voice explained with a seductive hiss. I held the book closer and looked it over. It was my book. It was my light.
As I began reading the words from the pages, I could hear people in the crowd whispering. Some of them were praying, some were crying, one woman in particular I could hear whispering excitedly to her partner: “He can read it! Can you believe that?”
And there were other noises as well. Chanting. Whaling. A sound that I can only explain as a guttural choking noise. I tried to stay focused. To read loudly and not stutter. But as I read further, another noise began to distract me. A drumming or clanging of metal, followed by a rhythmic grinding, over and over and over. Eventually the noise was so loud it was hard to hear my own voice, but I could tell that the audience was loving it. In fact, they were beginning to yell out their approval: “Amazing,” “We’ve finally found him,” “Praise be!”
The tingling had returned up my spine again and my skin felt electric, like I was being filled with some sort of strange energy. It was as if I was moving with momentum as the words of the book were flowing from my mouth like I had somehow memorized every page - even the parts I hadn’t read before. It was so easy I didn’t even need to look at the pages at a certain point, but by that time, something had started to come over me. A hesitance or doubt. I felt wrong and I desperately wanted to leave.
I looked at my book light, examining the streaks of red marker across the glowing plastic, and without a second thought, I scratched it off with my thumb nail. The rhythmic sounds of metal ceased and a blood curdling scream sounded off across the room, followed by several animal-like growls from the now seething congregation. I had stopped reading now and dropped the book to the ground, clutching the light firmly in my trembling hands as the light showed all around me.
“Mom?” I called out with no reply. There wasn’t a sound in the room now apart from the heavy breathing of the congregation, as if they had all just finished running in a triathlon. I started inching my way forward, stepping down the aisle way between all the seats, swinging my head over each shoulder as the sound of bare footsteps sounded off the linoleum floor, mere inches around my glowing circle of protection. I had considered aiming my light around the room, but couldn’t stomach to see what I might reveal. “Mom?” I called again. A sea of hisses erupted from everyone in the room, and without any further investigation, I ran. I pushed open the office door, turned down the long hallway and made short work of the stairs leading up and out of the building. The light outside was blinding, and everything after that was a blur.
The people who found me, wandering alone around a park, brought me to the police who quickly started a search for missing children. Shortly after that, an investigator was brought in who had already been tipped off that I may not have been the child of the woman who raised me.
Years later, I have now learned who my true biological parents are. The woman who I had once called mother had kidnapped me from the hospital on the day I was born, and several lengthy trials later, she has been placed in prison.
I don’t know what the book really was, and for some reason I have no recollection of its contents either. While these events do haunt my memory, it also helps me to share the bizarre and horrifying tale with others. As time has gone on the days have gotten easier to get through, while the nights are still haunted by the feeling of something lingering in the shadows, watching me with anger but unable to act as I always keep my book-light nearby and ready.
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2024.05.19 22:41 Sean_Wolf [REQUEST] [XBOX] Killing Floor 2 Ultimate Edition Upgrade (Fourth Attempt) (Currently On Sale for $12.49 for eight more days)

Hi, guys! Back for a fourth try in requesting this DLC.
I think, between KF1 and KF2, I honestly love KF2 more than the first game, which is a surprise seeing as I logged many hours into the game. I love the improvements that KF2 made, like the look and feel of the weapons (laying down the trigger on the AA-12 on a horde of approaching zombies never fails to bring a smile to my face and get the adrenaline running) to the sheer satisfaction of just seeing the game go all zed time/slow-mo when you kill a zed and you see it ragdolling as you continue to rip and tear into the corpse. Add to that the awesome metal soundtrack, some fun locations, with my favorites being the Airship and Monster Ball as they remind me of a classic arcade game I used to play a lot called CarnEvil and you got a recipe for some good ole fashioned zombie killing! Honestly, I've been playing the game since it came out on Xbox in 2017 and I consider it one of my favorite zombie killing games to date. The game also holds a very special place in my heart: It was the very first game I ever reviewed professionally as, back in the day, I used to work for an online radio station called The Cove Radio before they shut down in 2020 (In fact, out of all the companies whose games I reviewed, they were the most enthusiastic of all of them to hear my thoughts).
Now, the only thing that I didn't care for, and this is honestly the only thing that hurts the game for me personally: Most of the weapons that been released since 2019 are now locked behind DLCs, which I personally never understood. Skins and other cosmetics I can sort of understand but why weapons were put as DLC and not offered as free content to go along with each update, I just don't get. Now, yes, I know KF1 had DLC weapons and skins but, oddly, that didn't really bother me as much (I attribute that to the addition of the Steam Workshop and all the weapons on there). Fast forward to now when I saw there was an Ultimate Edition of KF2 which, after doing a lot of research to see just what it includes, I found out includes not only a bunch of cosmetics that were released via DLC...but all the DLC weapons ever released as well! From the G36C, a gun I first fell in love with when I saw it in the original (can't believe I have to say that) Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, to the MG3 Shredder, a gun I used a lot in Call Of Duty Vanguard's multiplayer (Hey, don't laugh! I actually like this game), to even the Rhino Revolver, a gun which I always thought was the coolest looking revolver out there. Heck, even the skins, something I usually just gloss over in games, look amazing too! The Reaper outfit gives me some mad Ghost Rider vibes and, come on...Gary Busey as Santa. I'll say that again, GARY BUSEY as Santa! Can't get much better than that!
So, why am I'm coming here to make this request for the Killing Floor 2 Ultimate Edition Upgrade? Right now, money is tight for me as I currently need whatever money I have to afford minutes for my phone (Tracfone) and, until I'm able to find a job again and be finically stable once again, items like this is just not something I can afford to get myself at this time.
Really don't have much else to say, so I'll just say this: Thank you for taking the time to read my request and I hope you have a wonderful day!
My GamerTag - https://account.xbox.com/en-us/profile?gamertag=S3ANW0LF
Store Link - https://www.xbox.com/en-US/games/store/killing-floor-2-ultimate-edition-upgrade/9NTLNLR2JXZC/0010
submitted by Sean_Wolf to GiftofGames [link] [comments]

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MY TEAM'S CLASSES OF EXPERTISE:
MY EDUCATIONAL SOFTWARE OF EXPERTISE:
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HOW I CALCULATE FINAL RATES:
Paid Help from Hiraedu: If You're struggling to handle your comptia or any other WGU Exam or any other coursework, get help from Hiraedu and pay after the exam. Contact details for Hiraedu is: WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657 OR Call: +1 727 456 9641
ABOUT MY RATES & PAYMENT OPTIONS:
CURRENT RATES -- AS OF SUMMER / FALL 2022 -- SUBJECT TO CHANGE:
THE OBLIGATORY "IS THIS A SCAM?" QUESTION:
Considering the fact that you found my contact information online, it’s understandable to be skeptical regarding the legitimacy of my services. Therefore, I’m willing to do all of the following to help you feel more secure in trusting me with your academic needs:
MY REBUTTAL TO THE OBLIGATORY “IS THIS A SCAM?” QUESTION:
At the risk of sounding arrogant, I consider myself to be at least marginally more intelligent (both academically & socially) than the average person. Therefore, if I ever decided to suddenly risk prison time, risk my reputation, and risk enduring the wrath of modern-day “cancel culture” by scamming people out of their money:
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submitted by comptiacertified to Statisticshelpers_ [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 22:27 newpepsi My Dog Died Yesterday and my world feels like it’s crumbling.

He died suddenly whilst being walked by another member of the family after being attacked by another dog randomly and ran after his lead by snapped in an instant by this big dog and ran into the road where he was killed instantly. all in 5 seconds. The family member was not to blame. the dog and it’s owner ran off and the car didn’t stop. I heard the news over my phone and we rushed to come help take his body to hospital.
I have no close friends and i only have my family who i love except my much older brother who physically and verbally abused me because he was undiagnosed autistic and got bullied so he took out the rage on everyone but himself and still now he’s an adult does do this. My dog was my best friend. He was 9 Months old. HE WAA HAPPY HE WAS HEALTHY I LOVED HIM. He was taken instantly.
My little boy i loved him so much.
I’m in the middle of my GCSE’s and i have 2 massive tests tomorrow. I feel so crushed by pressure. I had a horrible time in school due to mental disorders around 2 years ago and have been online schooled ever since. my dog was my buddy my friend. I am so upset and i have these already crushing pressure from the exams. i almost want to just escape and disappear.
He filled a hole in my heart and that’s been ripped 10 x bigger. I don’t want to do exams i just want to to cry and and be with my boy.
i want my dog back. i miss him. I love him.
submitted by newpepsi to offmychest [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 22:26 Extension-Count9463 The Positive Benefits of FetLife for Mental Health, Sexuality, and Community

Hey everyone,
I wanted to share something that has been really beneficial for my mental health and might be helpful for others here who are struggling with issues around sex, kink, and finding a supportive community. Something most therapists won't touch...
For those who may not be familiar, FetLife is a social networking site similar to Facebook, but it's dedicated to the BDSM, fetish, and kink communities. While it might not be for everyone, I've found several positive aspects that have really helped me on my journey, and I wanted to share in case it might help someone else here too.
1. Building a Supportive Community
One of the biggest benefits of FetLife is the sense of community it provides. Many of us feel isolated when it comes to our sexual preferences, but FetLife connects you with people who understand and share similar interests. This sense of belonging can be incredibly affirming and reduces feelings of loneliness.
2. Normalizing Diverse Sexualities
Being part of a community that embraces a wide range of sexual preferences and kinks can help normalize what mainstream society often considers taboo. This can be a huge relief and can help reduce shame and stigma associated with one's sexual identity.
3. Educational Resources
FetLife has a wealth of information on safe practices, consent, and communication within kink and BDSM relationships. The forums and groups often host discussions on how to engage in these activities safely and responsibly, which can be crucial for anyone exploring these areas.
4. Mental Health Support
Many users on FetLife discuss mental health openly, and there are groups specifically dedicated to supporting members who struggle with mental health issues. It’s a space where you can find understanding and practical advice from those who have similar experiences.
5. Personal Growth and Self-Acceptance
Exploring your sexuality in a safe and supportive environment can lead to significant personal growth. FetLife encourages self-acceptance and helps individuals understand and embrace their desires, leading to a healthier relationship with oneself.
6. Event and Workshop Access
FetLife is a great way to find local events, workshops, and meetups. These events often focus on education, safety, and community building. They can be a great way to meet people in person and learn from experienced members of the community.
7. Anonymity and Privacy
While joining any online community involves some risk, FetLife allows for a level of anonymity that can make people feel safer when discussing personal and sensitive topics. You can control how much or how little you share about yourself.
Of course, like any platform, it’s important to approach with caution. Be mindful of privacy, understand that not everyone on the site will have your best interests at heart, and always prioritize your safety both online and in person.
For those who feel isolated, ashamed, or confused about their sexual desires, FetLife can offer a lifeline. It's provided me with a supportive network and helped me embrace my true self in ways I never thought possible.
If you’re curious or feel this might be helpful for you, consider giving it a try. Remember, your mental health and well-being always come first, and finding a community that supports you can make a world of difference.
Stay safe and take care!
TL;DR: FetLife can provide a supportive community, normalize diverse sexualities, offer educational resources, mental health support, and opportunities for personal growth. Always prioritize safety and privacy when engaging online.
Feel free to ask me any questions about my experience, and I’d be happy to help.
submitted by Extension-Count9463 to selfhelpfulproject [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 22:18 77ok Is there any advice I (18f) can have with my (19ftm) boyfriend that isn’t breaking up?

Me and my partner have been together for four, almost five years and we are long distance. we have never met.
this will be a very long read but it honestly doesn’t even sum up everything. there’s been so much more stuff with terrible abusive details and so much emotion that I cannot capture in this post. I also could not explain everything to detail and left out a lot about this girl im eventually going to mention in this post and have left out a lot about other stuff my bf has done and said to me.
to preface, me and my bf both are not in therapy. He is going to therapy in a few months. He is in college and has friends, while I have no friends.
I have a lot of jealousy issues and insecurities. my boyfriend has messed up countless times with his friends. he’s broken a million boundaries over and over throughout this whole relationship. he says he can’t get better. he says he needs me to be more appreciative of the good things he does and to stop getting so mad when he hurts me. any time I talk to him about the bad stuff, he victimizes himself, brings up things I did in the past that I no longer do, gaslights me, manipulates me and tries to break up with me. when he breaks boundaries with people, he just breaks up with me and gets super mad. every boundary broken has been with girls.
he’s emotionally cheated, lied a billion times, hid things a billion times, done things I tell him make me uncomfortable with other people, ranted (talked shit) about me to his friends a billion times but left out all the things he’s done to provoke me and abuse me..and through all of that he has yelled at me and cried and blamed me. I am always very up front about my boundaries and try to be stern every single time.
so through all of that, I have horrible trust issues and insecurities. now we are having issues with this girl in his hometown at his work. he did substances with her, hid it, lied about it, and since then he has made her a HUGE deal. I told him one of my boundaries is not hanging out with people nor being their friend if you’ve messed up boundaries with them intentionally. all of the boundaries I have placed are ones that I follow as well by the way.
he told me he can’t get rid of her because she works with him and can’t find another job and doesn’t want to find another job (it’s a summer job). he wanted to hang out and explore abandoned places with her like the last time they hung out for six hours and also did substances and other stuff at her place. he cried and complained and started about 6 different big fights with most of them resulting in him trying to break up with me or breaking up with me for a few hours to a day.
this girl has a boyfriend but I have this gut feeling she likes him but I could be totally wrong! Like I said, I have really bad jealousy and insecurities but with that comes paranoia. I don’t think every girl likes my bf but there has to be signs and I guess my mind has convinced me there are “signs”.
the signs are: she followed him on Facebook, added him on snapchat, has him on discord and instagram.
she only followed my boyfriend despite knowing I exist.
she only follows my boyfriend and three other people (who are famous). she does not follow her boyfriend on that account.
she friended me on Facebook so I asked her why she friended me on facebook and not instagram (where she always talks to my bf) because she knows I exist on instagram but she said she didn’t notice she wasn’t following me which just feels complete lie. I asked then was asking why she only followed him , (a few famous people), and did not have her bf on this account. she said she has multiple accounts but she was snappy and rude when she responded to me saying stuff like “can’t I follow who I want to what’s the problem here lol” and stuff. I asked a simple question, I wasn’t rude or anything. she apologized for being rude a few minutes later and then went to my boyfriend while he was working (she was in to grab some food) and she told him she thinks I hate her because she was rude to me and didn’t want me thinking she’s a “fucking bitch”. her words told from him to me.
Since my boyfriend said he cannot leave or distance since they work together and it would be too awkward he tried breaking up with me multiple times and said this summer would be miserable with him because all ill do is complain and cry about being anxious with what he has caused. I told him to just be distant and he agreed to.
he had ended up telling her im uncomfortable with them hanging out because she kept begging him to hang out again and he didn’t think it was fair to not explain why he keeps saying no to her. he told her he slipped up on a boundary with her and that I don’t allow it. it made me sound so shitty and he refused to explain my side of why im uncomfortable in more details like I begged and then when I tried to explain it to her (I ended up just not sending it) he kept telling me to cut out parts that make him look bad and that she “doesn’t need to know everything about our relationship”. so I know she thinks im a shitty partner now and I know she does not like me but she doesn’t know anything he’s done.
the day before yesterday was his first day back to work for summer break and they only worked together for about an hour and thirty minutes but still managed to talk quite a bit. she also came up to him and said she wishes they could still hang out and that she’s sad or something about it despite knowing im uncomfortable and that we’ve already made it clear that wouldn’t be happening. She also asked him if they were still good (she was definitely asking because there’s tension between me and her even though her and I like don’t really talk, I’ve also tried inviting her to play games with me and my bf online before he messed up with her and she refused every time and wouldn’t reschedule but then she wants to play games alone with him.) then he asked her if he could get his cigarettes back that he gave her. he says he can’t help talking to her at work because he doesn’t want to be rude and that it’s hard to avoid her.
Today they are currently working together and it’s only been a few hours yet so far she’s come up to his register behind him and looked at his phone, talked a bit and told him she could try and get him a free electric guitar, gave him a piece of gum without asking, showed him pictures of her and her boyfriend at a prom event, talked about working out, etc. Doesn’t sound like much maybe but it hurts when you’ve asked him to distance himself and it was barely half of his first shift and all that has already been done. and not to mention she was stocking while my bf was on register so she kept coming out of her way to talk to him.
if I complain, he just wants to break up. I wish she knew why I don’t want them hanging out. he made me sound like im just a toxic girlfriend. I can’t explain anything to her without him threatening to like cut and kill himself and break up with me.
if I break up with him they’re just gonna hang out all summer and he do god knows what and talk shit about me for sure. he would never explain what he’s done. I’ll look even worse. I just want peace but my heart is breaking. I don’t want to victimize myself but I have such a big heart, i believe in and love god, I love with my whole heart, I try to see good in people, I gave him everything I had and im still trying to pull more out of me. it feels like it’ll never be enough. I know he will forget about me because last summer we were on break and he said he let himself “slip” up and looked at a girl who came into the store with lust and full attraction because he was trying to imagine his life without me. he didn’t even tell me because he didn’t think he needed to since we were on break. He recently told me maybe a month ago. the break lasted like two days and it was because our relationship was so bad and he did not love me anymore. there have been multiple times he has not loved me but it was always because of my reactions to his abuse.
I’ve never not once stopped loving him and I’ve never once found anybody else attractive while I’ve been with him, not even celebrities. I’ve tried to warn him a thousand times that if he breaks boundaries again or hurts me some other way, I’ll be done. he just does it like he breathes. he says he feels remorse but he just always does it again. he said he feels better without me because im always hurting him. I “hurt” him by reacting to his abuse, asking him questions about things he’s done, asking him if he’s broke boundaries with his friends when he’s with them, etc. His first day of work this summer I was asking him questions about the girl and he was so defensive. I still feel like something else happened like he ranted about me or she said something about me that he doesn’t wanna tell me. it was not a normal reaction to a simple question.
is there any way I can get over this without having to break up? It feels like my world is ending. he is my only friend. he is doing great in life. he can move on easily and will move on easily when I am gone. he said before he would just put himself more into work, friends and school and would just forget about me. I have nothing really. I do nothing all day as I don’t even have access to a job.
I just need advice on how to go about controlling my emotions when he’s around this girl and other potential friends.
submitted by 77ok to LongDistance [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 22:13 TheCJK The Gifts We Offer

Gaz had crawled high into the apple tree and was pulling fruit down, lobbing it into the net his sister Tibble was holding out with her four hands. He hooted as he saw Jonathan walking through the rows.
Tibble turned, her blue fluff ruffling. "Human Jonathan! We have gathered many of the apples!"
Jonathan smiled as he approached, noting the large pile stacked on the ground. "Tibble, you have to put them in the baskets. Contact with the dirt will cause them to rot." He laughed. "I've told you this."
She shook her head. "Pyramid shape best. I like this." She pointed at the pile. "This is best way. You said you would make more cider. We like the cider. You will make it for me."
He knelt down and picked up an apple, taking a bite. Juice oozed out around his lips as his teeth pierced the skin of the fruit. He chewed for a moment while looking up at Gaz. "Yes. I said I would. Get these in the baskets and I'll carry them back."
She growled at him. "Piles are best." Tibble then began moving the top of the pile into the basket.
Jonathan sat under the tree as she filled the first basket, finishing off his third apple. She stacked it as high as she could before they started rolling off the top, and he got up. He lifted the basket and started carrying it toward the shed. "I'll be back for the next basket shortly."
He walked the half mile through the ruins of the city and stopped outside the door to the shed. He placed the basket down next to the apple masher and pulled the first apple up. He felt something ping on the back of his neck. Instinctively he scratched it, not remembering the sensation. He scratched a second time before he remembered what that particular vibration meant.
"Ares. Answer transmission."
The silicon based assistant accessed the relay and transmitted it to his subneurals.
An image of a man appeared in his ocular display. "Activation code Xeres Zulu three Kappa Alpha seven." The man said.
Jonathan tensed up and took a long breath before sighing. "Go ahead, admiral I'm guessing?"
"Admiral Alexander Oline, and you are Remnant Jonathan Kurzov?"
"I am."
"You are being activated."
Jonathan shook his head. "I'm retired."
"Retired?" The admiral asked. "You're done being human? I didn't know that was a thing."
"I'm retired from whatever you're wanting to ask me to do. Unless it's gardening, I don't give a shit about whatever you're doing."
Admiral Oline looked away for a moment and then back at Jonathan. "I have a report here describing in depth contact and conflict with an alien species, conducted by you. We received this information along with an application for a species of blue fuzzy creatures to be put under our species protection from a communications relay you and your assistant built. Am I wrong in this?"
Jonathan groaned. "No, you're right. I did a good deed."
Alexander nodded to himself as he looked over the report. "Yes, and now for your punishment." He smiled. "Prior to this, we thought all expansionist missions into your galaxy were extinct. The only traces we have left, before you, are the four sentience probes that were sent with your colonists. Do you still have access to those probes?"
Jonathan shook his head. "Haven't seen them in a few centuries. They left this system to continue scanning."
The admiral nodded. "Well, they have been continuing as programmed. They've been transmitting the entire time, and their data as mothballed during the last era, but now." He paused for a moment, his face growing stern. "A lot has changed since you left the Way. We, humanity, are on a similar path as yourself it seems."
"How so?" Jonathan asked.
"Humanity is making peace with our existence. We have gone back to our roots, trying to find peace in this darkness. Gardening, zen, familial ties, these are major values we have fostered, same as you and your adopted blue friends."
"Well, good for humans. Woo." Jonathan said. "Get to the point Oline. What do you want."
"Okay, I'll cut the curtsies. Those four probes from your expedition, their transmissions got bought up by a young entrepreneur. He went through them, refocused the probes to blue planet and found something. There's a species there, Isopodal, smart, but technologically savage. They're never going to reach beyond their atmosphere. They're planet locked, hell, probably never going to see electricity."
"Okay, so savages are causing a problem how?"
Oline sighed, shutting his eyes for a moment. "He watched them, then shared the feed with his friends, who shared the feed with their friends, and it became a phenomenon. These big bug, they're nice with extended families. They build their homes out of their shed carapaces. The longer they stay in a place, the bigger their homes get. Some are a hundred generations old, children walking through their halls touching the shells of ancestors long long gone. They scavenge, filter feed. The build tunnels to channel wastes from their small towns to the forests nearby, perfect balance with their ecosystem. They don't wage war, plan long term settlements with population quotas, living exactly as how the new human government envisions we should."
Jonathan nodded. "Sounds nice."
Oline sighed again. "It's a whole thing. We have a moon dedicated to making plushies of these things. People love them. The probes have been following specific towns for four decades now. Generations of people are involved in this ideology."
"And where do I fit in?"
"Your conflict with the Brin. Our Isopods biologically cleanse their environments of heavy metals. Their towns are built out of high demand, refined, high value materials. The Brin have since shifted their focus away from your blue fuzzy's and now are predating upon the Isopods."
"Fuck. Alright, I'll put a stop to them. You got coordinates for their homeworld?"
The admiral shook his head. "No, we're not into genocide anymore. We have to consider voters now. Your galaxy is being watched in detail now, with your little communication relay set up. We have to do this hands off, plausible deniability."
"For fuck's sake. Okay. How you wanna do this then?"
"Open source a Hadronic engine, give it to them. Basic freedom fighter protocols."
Jonathan nodded. "Understood."
Admiral Oline looked down at his templates and transmitted them. "Remnant Jonathan Kurzov, you are authorized to commence Project Pandora, classification Ultra Secret."
---===*===---
The father and eldest daughter and melted in the house of her forebears. She screeched through the walls, begging them to get out while she focused on the twins. She grabbed the two balls and tucked them into her filter pouches before running out the front door. She made it out to the beach as the heat intensified and the floating disk began sucking up their home. She stood in the water, her visual plate peaking out from the waves watching as she shivered with sadness. Her feeler appendages stroked the twins in her pouches as they fed from her filters, safe under the water. The beams finished melting down her home, pulling the slag up into the belly of the floating circle. She watched it float slowly away, disappearing down the beach.
She stood in the water, watching the smoldering hole that was her home far into the night. The stars were bright, and a dim glow came from beyond the horizons. She didn't dare leave her home, her ancestors. She kept shivering in grief, then she saw it.
A shadow contorted and a figure moved. Her vision, being as highly sensitive as it was, could barely make it out. She watched as it stood next to her ruins, her family home. A flash came from the thing.
"Fear not." It said as clearly as if it were her own blood.
She tiptoed out of the water, her weight coming back to her as she walked onto the beach. She shimmered back at the creature. "Spare us. Please."
It turned toward her, its face horrible and full of holes. Two orbs peered down at her, sending waves of fear through her shell. "A mother stands before me." It said, reflections appearing in front of it, cascading infrared to her. "I will do more than spare you."
Terror welled up in her and she fell down to the ground, but she resisted the urge to coil up and maintained her gaze upon the creature. "You are not them. You, you are different."
It walked closer to her, moving upon a mere two appendages. It lowered down next to her, extending a manipulator arm toward her. "Chance has sent a plague upon your peoples, one that you will not survive." It stared deep into her visor plate. "My people weep at that thought and offer you, Mother of three now two, a gift."
She could not help herself, and as if commanded without words, she extended two of her manipulator appendages up toward it. It opened up the ball at the end of its arm, five digits unfurling to reveal a black cube. It gently pushed the cube into her two pointed appendages.
"What is it?" She asked, shimmering.
The creature shimmered the air around it, speaking in ways she couldn't. "It is the gift we wish we did not have to give. It is horror, pain, and destruction. You know it in your organs, you feel it thinking about your mate, your daughter. Those that brought this feeling to you, will not stop until you give them this feeling back. This, this will allow you to do so, and I am sorry to have to give it to you."
She looked down at the cube in her points, feeling it as it vibrated across her limbs, reaching into her. Lines traced across her shell as she watched it grow on her. She looked back up toward the being as it crawled across her body but the shadow creature was gone.
A voice spoke to her, vibrations in her very core. "Hephaestus online. Greetings Mother."
She stood, her numerous feet appendages poking into the wet sand. "Where are you, being?" She shimmered with her shell.
"I am in you Mother, and am at your service." It replied within her minds.
"What has happened?" She asked, shivering with fear.
"You have been called upon to save your people."
She looked around before touching her own carapace. "How do I, how do we do that?"
"Where are the survivors?" It asked.
She thought for a moment, visions of the deep, visions of safety in the dark filled her minds.
"Go there. Help them."
She shivered again, defeat in the squish of body, her filters feeling the twins feeding at her sides.
"They will not stop, and more will suffer and die."
She turned her gaze back toward the horizon, seeing the glow of other homes melting in the far distance. "We can stop this?" She asked, now solely using her thoughts.
"I am but your tool. You can stop this." It replied.
---===*===---
She had not been to the vents since she picked her mate. They had fed there, filtering, hardening their shells together while discussing their future family. She could see the flickers of bioluminescence in the dark as she approached, her filters tasting the dense biofilm from the sea. She was close, and the flickers were from many peoples, many different families. She watched them talk, brothers, sisters, mothers, daughters, fathers, grandparents, all missing loved ones. Pain was the primary color, loss and heartache shared through the broken peoples.
She stepped into the outer ring, the heat of the vents warming her and her twins at her sides. Shimmers rose up to her asking who she had lost. She replied. "Mate and eldest daughter." But her reply wasn't heartache, but rather tinged with a new feeling and color. She replied with deep reds, a red tied to a thought from a people people beyond the stars, a red of blood and fire, things she knew nothing about.
The people's around her shifted in confusion at the colors. An elder great mother rose up to her. "You speak confusing daughter. What are you saying? Are you injured?"
She looked around, her visor meeting with dozens of others as they raised up to look at her. "The darkness came to me, spoke with me." She looked at the great mother. "The darkness touched me and has told me what we must do."
The elder mother walked over and touched manipulators with her. "Sit with us daughter, you need to rest. You have come far and need to heal."
"Our mates burn." The Mother of three now two said. "Our children, our families, our fathers burn. Things of light and pain come here and kill us. I will not heal these wounds. I bleed in my organs, pain beyond pain. I will not rest until they cease, until they feel my pain. They will feel this in their organs!" She flashed brighter than those around her thought possible. "I will stop them!"
A father stood up, pain shown in his colors. "They burn us. They are in the sky! How do we stop them? Do you know how? If you know anyway I will lend my spikes to yours. Please, tell us how! Anyone, tell us how." He shouted as bright as he could, lament touching his words.
The Mother of three now two walked over to him, placing her appendages upon his. Dots of blue light shifted from her carapace onto his. She looked into his visor plate and spoke with tinges of red. "The darkness has come and has promised us vengeance."
He flexed his carapace, breathing deep as he sucked in the sea. "What is this?" He asked, his own colors shifting toward the red.
"Our pain made flesh." She replied.
---===*==---
Brin operator Noloc was marking the next metal deposit while the syphons were busy pulling up the slag. It radioed over to buddy Lana. "You nearing full?"
Lana replied back. "Yeah. You want to get food while we empty?"
"Yeah, obviously." It replied. "Care to stimulate bodies while we eat?"
"Yeah obviously." Lana said. "Hey, are you getting any weird readings?"
"Like what?" Noloc asked.
Lana sent over telemetry. "Heat spikes in the water. What are those?"
Noloc looked them over and then scanned the water nearby. "Yeah, I got a dozen near me too. What are those?"
Noloc turned to look out the window just in time to see something leap onto the outer hull of its ship. "Um, one of the native creatures is on my miner."
Lana screamed through the radio.
Noloc shook at the noise and looked back out at the native. The creature was larger than normal, its color darker as well. Noloc watched as the thing curled, hunkering down on the hull. Deep scratching sounds echoed through the ship. "I am in need of assistance." It radioed up toward the mothership. "Assistance needed, native attack."
Telemetry came down. "Wait time for assistance five minutes. Ten minutes. Three hours." It read out, the time continuously increasing.
Noloc looked around. "What is happening! I need assistance!" Another thud on the hull and Noloc looked out to see another native boring into the ship. "Help!"
---===*===---
The Mother walked over to the downed ship and watched as the warriors cut apart the pilot. Hephaestus highlighted the mining beam as she walked across the machinery. She pointed with one of her manipulators. "There Father. We need that piece." She shimmered.
One of the fathers walked over and cut it free with his new sharps. "What is it Mother?"
"It is a tool of light and fire."
He shook, remembering his family burning.
"Remember that pain Father. They will feel it as they burn."
He paused and looked at her. "We will be as they are then. Burners, bringers of pain. That is not who we are."
She felt at the empty filters at her side. "My twins are in the deep with the mothers. That is not who they are, but that is who we must be so they can stay that way."
The Father shimmered back in tones of red. "They will be as we were before."
She flashed understanding. "We will suffer, become the monsters so they won't have to."
He replied understanding.
--===*===---
Three galaxies away, sitting in their living rooms across numerous worlds, humanity watched on. The four probes, hidden in their cloak fields, displayed in completed holographic representations, the forgotten horrors of war. Beams of fire and light rose up from the depths of the seas, melting Brin ships out of the sky. Day after day, the Isopods did what they did, scavenged. More fallen tech fed them, and within three months they had risen out of their gravity well, taking the fight into orbit.
A year later and several scavenged stations and the Isopods had opened up communications, seeking the others hiding in the shadows.
A world of blue fuzzy creatures were quick to respond, welcoming the filter feeders to the galactic community.
The Mother of Three now two was aboard the ship crossing the darkness as the first gathering commenced.
submitted by TheCJK to HFY [link] [comments]

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submitted by ccna_cisco to Statisticshelpers_ [link] [comments]

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submitted by ccna_cisco to Statisticshelpers_ [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 22:11 77ok Is there any advice I (18f) can have with my (19ftm) boyfriend that isn’t breaking up?

Me and my partner have been together for four, almost five years and we are long distance. we have never met.
this will be a very long read but it honestly doesn’t even sum up everything. there’s been so much more stuff with terrible abusive details and so much emotion that I cannot capture in this post. I also could not explain everything to detail and left out a lot about this girl im eventually going to mention in this post and have left out a lot about other stuff my bf has done and said to me.
to preface, me and my bf both are not in therapy. He is going to therapy in a few months. He is in college and has friends, while I have no friends.
I have a lot of jealousy issues and insecurities. my boyfriend has messed up countless times with his friends. he’s broken a million boundaries over and over throughout this whole relationship. he says he can’t get better. he says he needs me to be more appreciative of the good things he does and to stop getting so mad when he hurts me. any time I talk to him about the bad stuff, he victimizes himself, brings up things I did in the past that I no longer do, gaslights me, manipulates me and tries to break up with me. when he breaks boundaries with people, he just breaks up with me and gets super mad. every boundary broken has been with girls.
he’s emotionally cheated, lied a billion times, hid things a billion times, done things I tell him make me uncomfortable with other people, ranted (talked shit) about me to his friends a billion times but left out all the things he’s done to provoke me and abuse me..and through all of that he has yelled at me and cried and blamed me. I am always very up front about my boundaries and try to be stern every single time.
so through all of that, I have horrible trust issues and insecurities. now we are having issues with this girl in his hometown at his work. he did substances with her, hid it, lied about it, and since then he has made her a HUGE deal. I told him one of my boundaries is not hanging out with people nor being their friend if you’ve messed up boundaries with them intentionally. all of the boundaries I have placed are ones that I follow as well by the way.
he told me he can’t get rid of her because she works with him and can’t find another job and doesn’t want to find another job (it’s a summer job). he wanted to hang out and explore abandoned places with her like the last time they hung out for six hours and also did substances and other stuff at her place. he cried and complained and started about 6 different big fights with most of them resulting in him trying to break up with me or breaking up with me for a few hours to a day.
this girl has a boyfriend but I have this gut feeling she likes him but I could be totally wrong! Like I said, I have really bad jealousy and insecurities but with that comes paranoia. I don’t think every girl likes my bf but there has to be signs and I guess my mind has convinced me there are “signs”.
the signs are: she followed him on Facebook, added him on snapchat, has him on discord and instagram.
she only followed my boyfriend despite knowing I exist.
she only follows my boyfriend and three other people (who are famous). she does not follow her boyfriend on that account.
she friended me on Facebook so I asked her why she friended me on facebook and not instagram (where she always talks to my bf) because she knows I exist on instagram but she said she didn’t notice she wasn’t following me which just feels complete lie. I asked then was asking why she only followed him , (a few famous people), and did not have her bf on this account. she said she has multiple accounts but she was snappy and rude when she responded to me saying stuff like “can’t I follow who I want to what’s the problem here lol” and stuff. I asked a simple question, I wasn’t rude or anything. she apologized for being rude a few minutes later and then went to my boyfriend while he was working (she was in to grab some food) and she told him she thinks I hate her because she was rude to me and didn’t want me thinking she’s a “fucking bitch”. her words told from him to me.
Since my boyfriend said he cannot leave or distance since they work together and it would be too awkward he tried breaking up with me multiple times and said this summer would be miserable with him because all ill do is complain and cry about being anxious with what he has caused. I told him to just be distant and he agreed to.
he had ended up telling her im uncomfortable with them hanging out because she kept begging him to hang out again and he didn’t think it was fair to not explain why he keeps saying no to her. he told her he slipped up on a boundary with her and that I don’t allow it. it made me sound so shitty and he refused to explain my side of why im uncomfortable in more details like I begged and then when I tried to explain it to her (I ended up just not sending it) he kept telling me to cut out parts that make him look bad and that she “doesn’t need to know everything about our relationship”. so I know she thinks im a shitty partner now and I know she does not like me but she doesn’t know anything he’s done.
the day before yesterday was his first day back to work for summer break and they only worked together for about an hour and thirty minutes but still managed to talk quite a bit. she also came up to him and said she wishes they could still hang out and that she’s sad or something about it despite knowing im uncomfortable and that we’ve already made it clear that wouldn’t be happening. She also asked him if they were still good (she was definitely asking because there’s tension between me and her even though her and I like don’t really talk, I’ve also tried inviting her to play games with me and my bf online before he messed up with her and she refused every time and wouldn’t reschedule but then she wants to play games alone with him.) then he asked her if he could get his cigarettes back that he gave her. he says he can’t help talking to her at work because he doesn’t want to be rude and that it’s hard to avoid her.
Today they are currently working together and it’s only been a few hours yet so far she’s come up to his register behind him and looked at his phone, talked a bit and told him she could try and get him a free electric guitar, gave him a piece of gum without asking, showed him pictures of her and her boyfriend at a prom event, talked about working out, etc. Doesn’t sound like much maybe but it hurts when you’ve asked him to distance himself and it was barely half of his first shift and all that has already been done. and not to mention she was stocking while my bf was on register so she kept coming out of her way to talk to him.
if I complain, he just wants to break up. I wish she knew why I don’t want them hanging out. he made me sound like im just a toxic girlfriend. I can’t explain anything to her without him threatening to like cut and kill himself and break up with me.
if I break up with him they’re just gonna hang out all summer and he do god knows what and talk shit about me for sure. he would never explain what he’s done. I’ll look even worse. I just want peace but my heart is breaking. I don’t want to victimize myself but I have such a big heart, i believe in and love god, I love with my whole heart, I try to see good in people, I gave him everything I had and im still trying to pull more out of me. it feels like it’ll never be enough. I know he will forget about me because last summer we were on break and he said he let himself “slip” up and looked at a girl who came into the store with lust and full attraction because he was trying to imagine his life without me. he didn’t even tell me because he didn’t think he needed to since we were on break. He recently told me maybe a month ago. the break lasted like two days and it was because our relationship was so bad and he did not love me anymore. there have been multiple times he has not loved me but it was always because of my reactions to his abuse.
I’ve never not once stopped loving him and I’ve never once found anybody else attractive while I’ve been with him, not even celebrities. I’ve tried to warn him a thousand times that if he breaks boundaries again or hurts me some other way, I’ll be done. he just does it like he breathes. he says he feels remorse but he just always does it again. he said he feels better without me because im always hurting him. I “hurt” him by reacting to his abuse, asking him questions about things he’s done, asking him if he’s broke boundaries with his friends when he’s with them, etc. His first day of work this summer I was asking him questions about the girl and he was so defensive. I still feel like something else happened like he ranted about me or she said something about me that he doesn’t wanna tell me. it was not a normal reaction to a simple question.
is there any way I can get over this without having to break up? It feels like my world is ending. he is my only friend. he is doing great in life. he can move on easily and will move on easily when I am gone. he said before he would just put himself more into work, friends and school and would just forget about me. I have nothing really. I do nothing all day as I don’t even have access to a job.
I just need advice on how to go about controlling my emotions when he’s around this girl and other potential friends.
submitted by 77ok to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 22:05 HerrDomino [Online][5e][Sundays: 7 PM EST][VERY new player friendly][OPEN] Alderstein In Peril

Hello, I am the assistant GM for my friend who has dipped his toes into DND. This is one of his first campaigns, and I have assisted him in it's creation. He is nervous to post on reddit for himself, so I am doing it for him (with his permission). I myself have three full length campaigns under my belt. I won't pretend I am a god or a professional, so please don't expect the sun out of us. But, as a benefit, we are very newbie friendly and relaxed on rules. Most of our campaigns are very character driven and we both allow for characters and their players to have wonderfully kickass moments, as we believe fun trumps numbers when it comes to your experience. So if you don't know all the rules by the back of your hand and you want a relaxed group to play with, I think you'd fit right in!
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So what is the campaign about?
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The continent of Alderstein has two major nations. Ostia and Argaxa. Ostia is a nation which recently broke away from Argaxa, led by members of the former Argaxian senate who were displeased with the Emperor (and not necessarily out of the kindness of their own heart). Argaxa lost a sizable portion of land and forces to this schism, and neither them nor Ostia are prepared for war with one another. However, one seems right on the horizon...
It is set in a typical D&Dish setting, though closer to how Game of Thrones or the Witcher handles a medieval European like society. So if you like a more serious tone, then you will probably like this campaign.
The party currently consists of a small group who have become mercenaries for Ostia, and are mostly doing small missions. We are two sessions in, sadly two of our players turned out to not be able to commit to the day above and our GM wishes to find suitable replacements as it would be just three players otherwise. He is looking for two-three players to join.
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How is the campaign hosted?
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We use FoundryVTT. You will need a service like Hamachi or something similar to join, as he hosts it from his computer. There is no cost to you to use FoundryVTT, and it does everything better than Roll20 in our opinion anyways. Campaign is hosted online using discord as a primary communication method. No webcams required. You don't even really need a mic if you're not comfortable at first with talking. FoundryVTT has plenty of text-based roleplay tools and chatbox dialogue options so you can easily play your character comfortably.
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Requirments:
None. Just be willing to learn 5e if you don't already know it, and PLEASE do not be a jerk at the table. That's it. This campaign does deal with themes of war and the effects of it, so non-sexual NSFW content and/or triggering material of non-sexual nature may be present in the story.
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You can contact me through here to get in. Just give me a description of yourself, something to call you by, the like. Ya know, just an introduction! I don't expect you to type up a resume or something to try and play our game, haha.
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Hope to hear back from some of you!
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2024.05.19 22:04 lancetjades 39 [M4F] Pennsylvania/USA - I don't think these work. Prove me wrong?

Hello, I'm a 38 year old guy with a biology degree. I enjoy gaming, especially the Souls games and Soulslikes and RPGs in general. Biology is another interest of mine, although that leans much more heavily towards botany in particular, so I do enjoy plants. Sadly, I can't have a garden where I live, but I've had one in the past. I have blue eyes, keep fairly clean-shaven (definitely no beard or mustache), and am a little chubby, but not too bad. I also cook, and have been working on learning some new dishes recently. While I'm hardly professional caliber, I'd like to think I know my way around a kitchen fairly well.
I need to mention, I'm also disabled. Not stuck-in-a-wheelchair disabled, but I'm a multiple stroke survivor and considered legally and permanently disabled. I can't say I like putting this out there right away, but it's impossible to hide and I only recently got my driver's license back, which severely limited my mobility for a couple years. I live alone and can take care of myself. Before the strokes, I was a pharmacy technician, most recently working at a small independent pharmacy.
It feels like my life has been severely fractured and I'm trying to put it back together. My desire for a relationship hasn't exactly changed, but my outlook on finding someone sure has. I'd love someone who has similar interests as I do to share my life with. I've only had a relationship a couple of times in the past, and spent a large portion of my adult life alone. Not completely, as I'm in contact with my parents, but I lived (and still live) alone.
I don't have any pets, but I like pretty much anything. Dogs are great, but I'm definitely a cat person myself, if I have to choose. I'm not "child-free," but I'm fairly sure I don't want children, not least of all because of my disability. I could definitely be persuaded otherwise by the right person, though. I'm very much a homebody and an introvert (more now than ever), but I'm fine with going out and being around people if I have a reason or excuse for it.
As for what I'm looking for, female under 40, and that's really all. I'm not very picky about weight and don't mind disability (if I did, it would be very hypocritical). Honestly, I'd very much like someone who also likes gaming to some extent, regardless of your specific interest in it (although it's always nice when someone shares the hobby to that extent). I've never had much luck with finding anyone online, so maybe you'll be the one to prove me wrong?
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2024.05.19 21:57 OceanMangz 21 [F4M] #Norfolk Virginia #Virginia Beach- Just a curvy gal looking for some love

Hey y’all! I’ll be doing a summer job near ODU come June and I would love to know some people when I’m there! I am a language nerd and LOVE learning about people’s accents! Please if you have an interesting accent feel free to DM especially if you don’t mind me trying to mimic it A few conversation starters: - I love folk music, metal, musicals, and medieval music - I have telegram and prefer chatting on there after I get to know you -I’ve been super into reading about Hell as of late (and find cultural stories/mythologies fascinating)
-Yes I’m a fan of British ppl, quiet men with posh accents to the front!!
Send me your favorite albums, movies, books
I know some ppl like to trade pictures when you first start chatting, I don’t mind it at all (If you read this far, thank you!)
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2024.05.19 21:42 HumanSupremacyFan Empire of Statues

--⧼ BEGIN Broadcast Message ⧽--
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Priority Level: Urgent
:: From ::
Center Arm of the Emperor, Planet Laran
:: To ::
All Survivors of Fellow Royal Cast Broods
:: Message ::
The Emperor has graciously permitted the use of his Excellency's summer home on Planet Laran, located in the Empire's Center Arm, as a temporary refuge during the unprecedented violent Terran offences against His Holiness and the holiness of the Omni-brood of Ix.
:: Attachments ::
Coordinates and Flight Key
:: Royal Cryptographic Signature ::
Lord La'Ix, The Emperor's Right-Center Arm
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
--⧼ END Broadcast Message ⧽--

earlier

"CURSE THEM! The great houses are going to have my bloody head for this! There is no way this should've happened and under my command too! The Golden Emperor's own exotic holiday world has gone to ash and the only one to blame is going to be me. Well it was basically my watch anyways. Curse. Them. All"
Those were the only legible sounds one could hear among the frantic stamping of one particular Ixian lord as he hurried away through the underbrush of the royal reserve just outside the centre palace. The same Ixian lord that, only hours earlier, was delighting in his typical cooked boar while enjoying his evening's entertainment of a young Terran girl running for her life from a loose Laran tiger. Something about the way those bipeds run always makes him laugh. Some similarly caste Ixian would call this form of entertainment childish, lowbrow, and immature. He would tend to agree. But sometimes he just wanted cheap slapstick humour. The day to day life of the royal caste tends to get dull with all the fine arts an Ixian of his caste is meant to enjoy.
"How did it all go to shit!?! I was always attentive, and there hasn't been an uprising since those terrans were tamed for the palace. I mean we mostly neuter the problematic ones anyways, so why all the sudden aggression?", he shouted in agitation at the emptiness in front of him.
Speeding through the royal garden which in actuality is a repurposed Savannah of the island the palace is on. The Ixian was a beast of speed. Perfectly honed and trained over decades, and genetically maintained over eons, he always proudly held that he was the fasted in his brood of 16. Making a name for himself among the other broodkin for being the most genetically suited for the rank of high general (not that there was any need for generals, there hasn't been need for war in so long). Of course the Ixians always pride themselves in having no excess potential, and adapting your environment to suit your biology, but it never hurts to have perfect biology. That's the true pride of an Ixian.
That innate need to change the universe rather than changing themselves is what led to their vast interstellar empire. One that reached from constellation to constellation and then eventually to the arms of entire galaxies, terraforming worlds to the same environment they were already adapted to. Since forcing nature into one's bidding was the most sacred duty of any that shared a lick of Ix biology.
Which was why the Ix was confident in themselves. This Ixian in particular surely felt surprised, but mainly he was only moderately upset at the sudden change of situation, from being comfortable in the royal dining hall to sudden exercise.
"Everything can be changed back. Everything can be changed back." It repeated the mantra to itself. As it began to relax and turn its snarled sharp mouth into a toothy grin.
"Yes, there is nothing to worry about at all. Then let's make a game plan. Just need to make it to the space port at the harbour. Grab a ride out and find someone else to take the fall. That old royal butler is as ancient as the dirt of the broodworld. Hell, he probably was there when it vanished in the shadow of the holy empire's long past." chuckling to himself at the quite witty remark, but saddened that no one else was there to hear it.
Should be realistic enough for the others to believe. But first things first, I need to reach the harbour-master. It thought while its dense muscles powered the beastly lizard-like form on its journey, as it bound in the direction of its destination at top speed on all fours.
The blood red sun was already kissing the horizon by the time the Ixian went to nearly collapse under exhaustion of the extended sprint. He hasn't ran this far and fast than when he a young broodling that won competitions and competitions in the royal sports. I think I might have overdid it. He thought while massaging the oncoming threat of a sneaky cramp in his hind leg.
The Ixian were well known for speed. But their stamina was another thing. There bodies simply didn't have the evolved features for long distance travel. There was never truly any need in the past, as their very steady and controlled climate and sparsely diverse ecosystem on Ix never truly required much challenge.
It turned its panting head to face the way it came, gazing proudly at the great distance it made in such a short while.
But something was off by that view. Something different to what he was expecting. The view itself was mostly fine. Well, as fine as a smoking mark in the distance, presumably from the summer palace being engulfed in flame and spitting great plumes of black smoke. But no, something about this view chilled him to this spine. Craning his neck from his vantage point he could swear there was a small speck in the distance.
What on great Ix is that?
All of a sudden realisation hit like a rock on a peaceful pond. Something was following him. Something unknown and cold was making its way to his location. He was certain it wasn't any of his guards, all guards permitted to serve under the royal summer home were Ixian of course. Physically bred for their strength and speed, and placed into roles of importance like protecting the higher caste such as himself. (Whereas this day being the only exception). It did look like he was the only Ixian that actually made it out of the palace so far. Ixians are able to cover short distances in phenomenal speed, akin to a scaly 4 legged beast of the hunt.
No this was something else.
Feeling a very small panic build up inside, but veiling that cold, unwanted terror as impatience at how far he still needs to travel yet. Lord La'Ix flexed his anterior legs and sped on leaving behind a red-yellow cloud of dust in his wake.
He frowned. Feeling strange at a never before felt sensation. Like something in the back of his perfectly designed brain was screaming a silent, but terrifyingly familiar warning.
"Ix itself is an ancient world. Temperate in climate, while abundant in vegetation and small game. It is unknown how the Ixian was formed on paradise.
The old priest can drum into your heads that I'Ix made us into being by indenting his form in the sand of the first beach and filling the shape with his life. Moulding us into being.
The heretic would counter and say we evolved from a previous species akin to ourselves over the course of untold lengths of time.
The philosopher would suggest that only on paradise would the sentient universe fill in the space for the perfect beings to enjoy the fruits of existence.
Lastly, even the lowest caste Ixian would point and laugh at the rest and say 'why talk about antiquity, when we can make more paradise to fill the heavens'."
-A popular Ixian parable
Lord La'Ix bolted up all of a sudden from his resting spot. Heart suddenly beating frantically. The stars had barely enough time to shift positions when last rested his weary body, only a couple hours must have passed since dusk fell and the world plunged into night.
The silence of the Savannah made sound from afar travel better. Aside from the quiet rustling of the wind he wasn't so sure what he heard. Assuming his bored ears were playing tricks on him.
Calming down, curling up on the flat cool rock he found he started to drift to the shadowless lands where all Ixian go when they dream...
Drums, no, not drums. Some sort of mechanical tool? Not that I ever heard of a tool that just beat the ground senseless. A strange beating sound could be heard, pounding into the ground. As he stayed frozen and very awake, he could have sworn it was getting louder. Closer.
CRACK. SNAP. CRACK.
Suddenly the entire valley echoed the sounds of a few broken sticks.
La'Ix jumped up, whirling around, and came to face something approaching fast that could only be described as a cold predator, not that there were any predators on the homeworld's recorded history. But every cell in his aching body reacted the same. DANGER, DANGER, RUN, RUN.
The silver light of the planet's 3 moons barely lit the valley but what that light bounced off of was a figure in motion. Front Legs pumping up and down, nostrils flaring, eyes too close together, and pupils so large it was like staring at darkness itself.
Hold on there are only 2 legs right? Sudden familiarity hit him hard, memories of last night's entertainment stained his mind. In the name of Ix is that a Terran?!?
La'Ix didn't realise it then, but it was looking at a Terran, despite the Terrans characteristics looking different to the standard slave he was used to seeing. The pumping body of the runner was made for such long distances. Sweat acting as a cooling mechanism, making the man glisten in the harsh moonlight, the enlarged nostrils taking in all the air the body needs for this type of strenuous activity. And the enlarged pupils, made for adjusting to low light environments.
Down on the plains of the Savannah were two creatures. One a perfect evolutionary miracle, practically evolution's first try gone right, Perfectly made for its environment and was never truly exposed to varying climates and environments. And the other, having crawled through the primordial ooze, and struggled and fought its way through dangers, diseases, and competition on its own horrifying world. Where deadly heat in deserts can dry out any living thing, and such freezing poles that can turn anything that enters it in pure ice.
The man's lean and sweat-slicken form was steadily making its way towards the frozen statue of La'Ix. Just as he got within 50 paces did La'Ix sprint away scattering pebbles in its path the echoes of which bounced back from the valley's sharp walls. Undeterred, the chaser kept steadily running. Jaws grit. Eyes locked on afar.
And afar was its prey. Sprinting away.
HOW IN IX'S NAME DID THAT THING KNOW WHERE I AM? The La'Ix in a fit of sudden excitement mixed with a heavy dose of panic, began its high octane sprint from the sudden looming threat of being found. Hind Legs propelling the creature's body forward, while its front arms, which were historically also for four legged locomotion, pulled the terrain closer with each stride. Increasing its momentum until it reached max speed.
"Broodling La'Ix!" said a stern but educated voice.
"Huh? Oh! Yessir!" a young Ix jumped to attention still thinking about more enjoyable things specifically outside of the classroom walls.
"Well? Can you please answer my question or will you make your other broodkin wait until Ix falls to ash first", the tutor said expectantly, prompting several muffles giggles in the room.
"Sorry sir. What makes the Ixian race its place in eternity is the attention we put in perfection. After our home-world of Ix's climate and terrain began to change, the leaders from antiquity decreed we carry on the spirit of the home-world in maintaining a consistent biological and genetic profile that will always be suited to Ix's surface. As we change worlds to be more like Ix, we can spread the spirit of Ix to them. As such, Change is- uh, change is..."
"Change is the poison of perfection, Remaining unchanged for Ix enable us to carry its spirit to other planets in the heavens", continued the tutor. "Well you certainly paid some attention to today's lesson at the very least. But remember that final part. It's the last of the core tenants you will need to remember."
"Yessir!"
A good half night passed on the surface of the Savanna. Where a previously noble and alert Ixian who took great care in appearances and status was no longer to be seen. Instead of that proud domineering alien representative of ix was a dishevelled, dusty, ragged creature, dehydrated, hungry, and exhausted from the various sprints it forced itself to endure to stay ahead of fate's ever closing hand.
Is this the sword of Damocles that was mentioned in the ancient Terran records? Always hanging down on those who hold power and seek more? Fate's sharp blade? But why me? I was never in any real power. All I wanted out of this life was a comfortable posting with no dirt and grime from the lower worlds. Why me? Why now? Why do I-
La'Ix snapped himself out of a daze. Is he here- No, no I should be far far away from that Terran now. Maybe I can find some-
A dim glow interrupted its train of thought. Much too early to be the Sunrise on the Emperor's summer planet, and much to low to be the light from one of it's 2 moons. It was a light from a town.
"That's right!" The Ixian barely managed to rasp in between haggard breaths. Its body barely able to continue the amount of self inflicted abuse it has suddenly been put in.
A lot more hunched over than the Ixian was earlier. It made its way towards a small town it knew was in between the palace and the harbour. The emperor loved his royal rustic towns and villages. It is said that his royal emperor would sometimes tour around them marvelling at the romantic theme of a simple rustic life. Although getting a personal town full of Ixians required a lot of lower caste be forced into long and expensive work contracts as background entertainers for the king's planet, all this excessive show of wealth was partially for peackocking the emperor's reputation, and partially for his own personal enjoyment. The Emperor is almost culturally required to flaunt his royal wealth in all forms in order to keep connections with all the royal houses. An emperor that doesn't shower their supporting aides and houses with grand gifts is fated to eventually be found cold on the floor of the royal banquet due to 'suicide from accidentally ingesting poison', as was the previous emperor.
To avoid such an unfortunate passing, the Higher Royals would trade vast resources, delicacies, and even exotic slaves to court 'royal favours'. Slaves of the Terran variety especially are considered to be the most unique of gifts the empire has ever acquired.
Terrans weren't necessarily large and bulky. Fighters were assigned to the Slave Obniraks. Powerful creatures used to fill the fields on tougher worlds where mechanical services would be deemed to expensive. The growth of a Obnirak into full working adulthood is only a few cycles. Meaning mass producing a workforce is quite an easy feat.
Terrans instead would take vast cycles to mature from a childling to an average adult. Meaning growing a slave force would take vast quantities of resources, immense patience, and strict guidance from their owners as to not create faulty creatures. All of which increases the general standing on any house that manages to keep a vast amount of Terran slaves in the best quality.
Terrans weren't necessarily docile and obedient. That role was perhaps given to the oldest slave race the Ix ever controlled. The Iralisa. It was known that they were made remarkably docile due to generations upon generations of select breeding, and pruning off the 'aggressive traits' from the gene pool. However, that led to the adverse effect of physically weakening them to a point where such docility and lack of a frame to keep up with their workload led to a general lack of Ixian interest and were subsequently purified.
Terrans are notoriously independent and herd-minded in larger quantities. Similar to growing a very stubborn Terulian Rose Vine. Which only looks impressive when great care have been given. Terrans need to be given an illusion of being ever so slightly free. Which typically involves owning vast amounts of land and nature to let them roam and graze. Of course, the only ones that can accommodate grand work forces of Terrans are the larger houses with the appropriate territory for humans, as is studied in the Ixian art of Servitude.
One can only guess which species is the Emperor's favourite.
The following town should indeed have both, low caste Ixians, and possibly none of the Emperor's favourite slaves.
The Ixian approached the glowing town. As it reached closer it straightened its back, upright on its hindlegs in the royal fashion. And proclaimed. "It is I! La'Ix, royal courtier. Lend me aid imme-"
Something is off. Not a single shadow in the town, I can see lights but no movement, where is every-
After turning the corner to the center of the small town, the dustied and weary creature froze in its tracks when it saw it. A pit nearly as wide as an Ixian land cruiser and who knows how deep filled with a stench so powerful it watered his eyes. Despite the Ixian's lack of a proper sense of smell. It knew the foul fetor of death.
The crudely dug pit was nearly overflowing when he approached it. Large, smoking, smouldering pyres cast that eerie light that had drawn him in.
"H-how? Wha-What the..." he trailed off when a local species of Laran boar growled and squealed as it tore a dead Ixian limb from the mountain of corpses.
"Who could've..."
He stopped. The shock of seeing his own kind laid like broken dolls in a bleeding pit slowly faded, replaced by a numbness. The Ixian had just noticed they were of Ix. Only of Ix.
Not a single terran colour was visible in the black and spotted pit of bodies. Not a single slave body was visible.
I-Impossible...
His legs gave way, either from the strain of the entire nights run, the horror facing him, or the threat from behind. He just dropped.
Minutes passed, or hours. It was hard to tell. But the Ixian lay slumped. Body unwilling to move further. Battered flesh unwilling to be propelled by a shattered spirit.
Mind slowly spinning up again. Thoughts began whirring to life in its mind. Could the rumours actually have been true? It had read the sparse reports of odd activity from certain Ixian-controlled worlds on the outer arms of the empire. Small uprisings of unknown origin. Hardly anything of note. If it had no affect on the greater houses then it was of no real concern to Ix and its emperor.
Could this threat have made its way to the centre arm already? Impossible. But what else could have done this to us?
Something caught the Ixian's eyes. In the middle of the pit it stood. A large stake, wet with deep Ixian crimson, dripping ever so slowly. Towering over the pit like a battlefield flag was a head of an Ixian rammed onto the tip of the spike. But the particular detail that caught the Ixian's eyes was a symbol cut into the flesh of the large forehead.
Looking from the outward-in. Eight concentric rings, which proceeded to get smaller and smaller in size until it reached a dark mass at the centre of the symbol. The Ixian never forgot the symbol and the affect it had on it.
Eight concentric rings, and a centre mass. Eight rings, and a mass. Eight- Eight what? Eight planets? And a star? ...
A growing pool of cold dread rose in its guts that made it shiver despite the fair night. This dread reflected the sharp reality on its frigid surface.
This Ixian was well-bred, well-trained, and well-educated. Although anyone with a basic education would know of such a pattern.
Terra and her sisters. THEIR star system...
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
It's not possible!-
Knowing what that sound meant, the Ixian tried to whirl around, its body barely being able to heed its masters commands. Just when it was starting to move again it felt it.
Sudden sharp agony. Sudden sharp, raging agony. The Ixian looked at it's hind leg. A sharpened wooden stake was jutting out of it.
It loud out a tight lipped scream, as it grasped the pulsating wound as one does immediately after an injury. It barely had enough time to look up at its attacker when the Terran bolted forward, shortening the distance between hunter and prey from metres to mere paces. The Ixian barely had enough time to block the hand grasping the knife as the arm flew forward at the last minute with a crash.
What phenomenal force!
Using the momentum from that sprint plus the wind up of his arm. The Terran was able to impart a phenomal show of force for a creature its size. That's when La'Ix for the first time saw a human in its raw unchanged form. Great beads of sweat collecting dust on its brow, to prevent it from entering the eyes. The constant release of sweat from the countless pores on its soft fleshy skin. Constant cooling? Even the visible veins and capillaries visible from the fire light.
What a beast of endurance-
Suddenly the horizon fell before the Ixian only to reveal the inky black sky dotted with pigments from stars like a painters masterpiece. When did I look up? Then a crash and blunt force from the ground.
The Ixian had been toppled over by that ferocious exchange of force.
Barely able to get up due to the wind being knocked out of its single large lung, the searing pain in its hind leg, and the exhaustion from the chase. It was too late. The terran was already on top of it. Taking up the entire view of the sky as the terran stepped forward into its field of vision.
The sudden perspective change made a once small and frail looking slave look grander than life, grander than all the legends told to Ixian broodlings.
The punches rained down. Repeatedly. A constant bombardment of beating rained like the drops of rain before the first dew. The previous pain in its leg forgotten, to invite a new visitor in the form of blunt force trauma. So ferocious were the raw blows to its carapace that the Ixian felt the exoskeleton crack under the increasing pressure and strain.
Something cracked, another thing snapped. The amount of pain too much to comprehend. The neurons firing in its second brain just assumed it was everywhere. Its half-working eye glimpsed the fist as it came down for the nth time. Red and split knuckles, revealing pure white bone beneath—a reinforced weapon. The perfect natural offence. All the muscles moved to propel it downwards where something else cracked and split.
Is this where I die?
As if understanding its fate the Ixian's form slumped over. Its body barely holding onto the natural exoskeleton shielding that covered its chest and facial area. Fluids leaking from the cracks that went too deep, and who knows how many internal ribs are shattered.
Its body, knowing that that more movement will cause more injuries, and further stimuli would confuse it further. It simply shut down.
The last moments it had as it fell backwards on its side. Was a small running figure. Hand clutching wooden spears. But the truly petrifying sight was behind it. A vast shadow flickering from the light of the lit pyres from the hunter in front of it. A shadow cast so large, jagged, and menacing it appeared to swallow the town whole.
And into a hole did the Ixian fall. A vacuum with no sensation or thought. Just darkness.
How... did we never notice such a... monster... in their... shadow...
All Ixians were taught about 'violence' and 'conflict' at an early age. As a sort of rite of passage that any of them would go through as they survive their early broodling days. As Ix have no natural predators, they had begun to instil a serving of some necessary conflict to keep their generations fresh and somewhat physically strong. As a precaution, only rudimentary forms of civil sports, races, shows of strength and courage were ever really explored. But always in a controlled and calm settings, as there would never be any true need for actual conflict.
As there was always a need to maintain ones own environment. The need never arose for the development of fighting techniques and schools of training. That was one of the best parts of being an Ix that many thought. Having supreme control over the worlds you inhabit means setting gravity, atmospheric pressure, humidity, and temperatures to the perfect levels for comfort replaced any need for biological change. Why grow when you can keep everything the same way, how you like it.
They were a vast empire. An empire of statues.
-Excerpt from the history of extra-solarian species, Author unknown
It awoke to a burning radiating heat from in front. The large sun was already starting to set on the horizon when it awoke. Had a whole day passed? Or two?
Trying to block the setting sun from its eyes it couldn't. "What?...", barely made out in a whisper.
I'm tied up.
And indeed the Ixian was right. Tied up next to a small brook, with a scorching fire in front of it. The monster nowhere to be seen.
"No good... it's too tight", it grunted in an attempt to escape its bindings.
Going slack in defeat it avoided any additional movement. Not having the energy to spare to move. It was lucky to have always been lazy at shedding its carapace - a frequent nag from its broodmother - might just have become its salvation in this case.
Thank Ix.
So there it stayed.
Hours passed. The Sun fully set and the stars awake in this dark world barely lit up the wildlands. Only the prisoner in this cone of firelight existed out here.
A rustling up ahead caught the prisoner's attention disturbing the eerily still silence of the Savannah night. And ungodly horror of a squeal ruptured the air invoking a deep visceral terror within the bound prisoner. Something. Something close but just outside the firelight was eyeing it, glinting from beyond the light. Those dark predatory eyes stabbed the prisoner with a sudden coldness. All while the squealing suddenly halted. SNAP. SQUELCH.
Now it came, emerging into the light. A beast. Holding a knife in one bloodied hand, dripping on the dirt. And dragging by the leg, a massive adult Laran boar grotesquely smearing thick blood still warm from the cut in the neck on the dirt.
The prisoner watched, barely moving, barely breathing. Frozen with the horror in front of it as the bloodied carcass was skinned; fur sliced away with harsh, scraping sounds with the crude knife. Spurting remaining blood all over the site.
The pink naked flesh then washed in the brook, leaving a distinct smell of oxidised blood in the air, before being skewered and roasted over the roaring flames. Fat popping violently in the heat.
In this gruesome display, the beast revealed not just a fate for the boar, but a dark hint of what might come. The realisation struck deep—this could be more than just a demonstration; it was a terrifying preview of its own potential end.
It passed out again.
Only to be awoken by the haunting echoes of a wild, desperate squeal that once thrummed through the savannah's eerie silence. Dare it open its eyes?
After a great heavy effort -utilizing its every last drop of courage- one eye cracked open. And what it saw. Made it regret ever having done so.
Right across from it, the hunter was a grotesque silhouette against the flickering fire. Grasping a severed boar leg was a mouth viciously biting, ripping, tearing into the flesh with primal ferocity. Each bite was deliberate, each tear of sinew was a clear, calculated demonstration of supreme savagery. Its jaw muscles bulged with the force of a bite.
All the while, the eyes—deep, abyssal pits—fixed intently on the prisoner. Deepest black pits stared back at it. Watching. Observing. Calculating, with a dark intelligence. it was calculating. It was relishing the terror it inspired and the control it exerted. Or planning its next meal.
The sounds of ripping flesh filled the thick, blood-soaked air. Deep into the night. Deep into this never-ending nightmare.
Never once did the prisoner move. Not an iota. Frozen in abject horror.
The night passed quietly. After the feast the human had, or the desecration of life that the prisoner saw, whichever way you look at it. The human nodded off to sleep. Content in the success of his mission. But the tied up creature had no such rest. Sending silent pleas to the stars that it might be saved. But not daring to make a sound, less it awaken that sleeping horror. Or was it sleeping? Dear Ix, it might be watching me. Feigning sleep to keep an eye on its meal. Dear Ix I'm next...
All through the night, the demons plagued its mind. Until the warmth of the morning rose, and with it the sound of an Ixian cruiser.
Elation could not be an understatement for the tired, tied, beat, and bruised thing. Craning its neck to the direction of the sound about to bellow out an Ixian warning to the demon resting next it.
"BE CAREFUL! THERE'S ONE HERE-". It stopped speaking. That previous elation it felt at a saviour arriving to rescue it from the demons grasp, fizzled out like a drop of water in a drought.
That all so familiar cold remained. And the dryness of despair. As pairs of dark pupils shot back at it.
On the cruiser were tall adult Terrans. Clean cut, well fed, well dressed Terrans. Four, no Six, no eight of them. All hanging onto the side of cruiser while it made its way to their location. Compared to the demon waking up beside it, these creatures were organised. A savageness neatly packaged in a uniform with a symbol. The prisoners eyes grew wide in its sunken sockets. 8 rings, and a centre mass. They must be the cause of, well all this.
Accepting fate, its head fell in part defiance, in part to avoid the stinging eyes of these others. It felt their gaze burn through—cold, cruel, calculating. There is nothing I can do any longer.
"You're finally here. What took you so long?" The runner said to his approaching comrades, "Took all night to catch up to him."
"Hey Jan, great work", the tall militant woman shot back. With a playful punch to his arm. "Guess all that cardio really paid off, didn't I tell you it would!" She let out a playful guffaw.
"Thanks Chel", replied Jan.
"Ok chop chop people, we're on a schedule. We need to reach the port ASAP remember? Come on Jan, rest up all you like, you're still on the clock."
"Aye sir." Jan shot back in a mock salute, gaining a sneer from the commandant, then a sneaky smile.
"Don't forget your trash. And make sure its breathing still."
It creaked open its eyes, seeing pairs of boots moving towards it and standing in front. In silence. Then all of a sudden, felt pairs and pairs of hands pull and tug. and lift it up The thing let out a pathetic silent sob. While it was loaded in the back of the cruiser, face up. Staring at eyes, piercing black dots peering back. It could never understand what was being felt by those eyes and those faces.
Ixians wear their emotions on their carapace; spots and stripes would slowly appear in certain parts, representing emotions and feeling that their bodies felt in a general sense. But the most private thoughts were of course, still kept private.
But this. This was just too foreign. The eyes never stopped. Even in the swaying movement of the cruiser the pupils never broke contact. Those eyes. As if it was peering into it, envelops your entire mind. There was no way to hide, even hiding in his inner self would do no good. Those eyes. Those predator eyes can find me anywhere I try to escape to. Inside and out.
Some times passes.
"You know. I lost good friends to the royal caste. Especially to this one's brood clan or whatever they like to call it." One of them was looking right at it when they said it. It turned its eyes over to the source. A short one, with a slave scar on the neck said it. A scar that shot through his memories. A scar inflicted to property owned by, his brood. This one is dangerous..., it thought.
Jan, and the others didn't look but felt it. The cold darkness in that tone made it clear what it intended to do.
The female militant, Chel, I think her name was. Slowly reached to the side arm on her holster. Sensing the oncoming problem.
"You still understand me don't you? I've had to watch good people die. Damn good people." The scarred one one stood, grabbing the upper rail of the cruiser to steady themselves. "I hear that even if you get ill, you become the entertainment for the night. What was it now?" She paused for a brief second. "Oh I remember".
"Stil" Chel said slowly. "Cool it". Hand still on the butt of the sidearm.
Not hearing or not wanting to reply. Stil continued. "Torn apart by those raptor pets. Hands or feet cut off as souvenirs for those fucked-up parties and those fucked-up guests. Oh yea, and the 'toy play' or whatever they call it. Can't have Ken and Barbie fight back now, can we?"
Stil leaned closer to the now cowering, shaking thing, "I wonder which one was your favourite." The words cut through La'Ix like an icicle. This was the first time these demons actually spoke to it directly. And it didn't like it. It could sense the venom from the words.
"Stil..." Chel slowly got up, hand still at the ready. "I said cool it." The line had a steely warning to it. Chel wouldn't risk the mission. Even if it meant doing what must be done.
Agonizing seconds passed. The cowering, shaking thing seemed to grow whiter and whiter by the second, It's spots clearly showing what it felt. Staring up, Not willing to move but being unable to hide. It felt the absolute crushing weight of the present. Grinding it down to a paste.
Everyone stayed still. The two militants didn't move. The rest didn't seem to even have paid attention to the converstation, still looked away.
Longer passed.
Stil smiled, "Oh come on Chel, you know I wouldn't do anything to our friend here? You know I was just playing around." Stil laughed. Chel didn't react.
Stil immediately crouched, faced the shaking prisoner inches apart eye to eye, and in a whisper said "Right friend?"
She wants me to reply? Dear Ix I can't even think with those eyes in front of me What do I do?! What do I say?!
"Right. Friend?" Stil repeated slower and colder. Like the blade of a surgeon hovering over skin, ready to plunge.
The gears of its Ixian brain grinded to a screeching halt. In utter desperation to find a reply it simply gave up. Instead, it felt a warmth slowly spread. Slowly spread between its hind legs. It had released its bladder.
"BAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT IT" Stil roared in laughter. The sound of it rattling the prisoners brain with the sound. Disorienting its senses. "NOW THAT'S CLASSIC TIMING IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT!" She plopped back down face red and still laughing.
The Ixian didn't know what to do but tremble and sob silently on the cold surface of the cruiser surrounded by laughter. and the warmth of its piss. It tried to plug its ears. But the sound still came. Laughter. Laughter. Laughter. Dear Ix, what are these demons... where are they taking me? To hell?...
The cruiser kept cruising. Towards the port across the island. Trailing laughter behind. Or to the sobbing wreck of a thing, demonic cackling.
The scent of familiarity wafted into the senses of the prisoner as the cruiser started to slow. The smell of the salt, the chirping of familiar aviaries. Sound of the crash of sea. The port.
Braving a sentence for the first time in for what seems eternity. It let out a question "...w..w..where ... why... are... ... we ...h... here?" It managed to say shakily, eyes downcast.
As if in response, a sharp shove greeted it from the back and a hard hit on the ground was as much of an answer it was getting.
"Move it", Jan said gruffly.
They walked. the ixian still bound but free to walk in the middle of the group of humans. Towards a destination still not known. The walk twisted, and turned, and twisted again. One thing struck out to the prisoner. It was too clean, especially for what it was expecting, it's last experience being in the previous blood-soaked town laden with bodies and carrion eaters.
The port town was completely silent, free from the regular hustle and bustle it usually had even when the emperor was not present. And superbly clean. Not a single piece of dirt to be seen. Not a single Ixian either. Where did everyone go? Did they make it out somehow when these invaders came?
In the background, the surf broke relentlessly.
Piercing eyes caught the prisoners glance, as it wandered curiously around the town. Realising its mistake La'Ix tried to look away but the burning gaze gripped his own.
As if reading its soul. The human answered the hidden question bubbling up in La'Ix. "You should've seen them your royal majesty". The one called Stil said while bending in mocking courtesy.
The surf pounded the shore even more loudly now.
"They don't swim well. Especially the young ones. They dropped like stones. Turning all white by the time they stopped moving."
Louder now. The sea roared.
Nothing came. Not a thought in La'Ix's mind. Its mind struggled to comprehend the depth of what was said by Stil, the scarred human.
The waves boomed louder now. Louder than the sun, echoing louder than the screams of all the Ixians that must have perished.
It saw the lips of the standing-devil in front of it. But all the came from its blood red lips were obscured by the sound of the pounding of the waves. The echoes of drowned kin, thudding and slapping against the shore, merged with the relentless surf in La'Ix's mind.
This is for our sins.
Wave after wave, the relentless surge continued, each one a haunting reminder of the souls lost to the sea, each crash a ghostly thud of bodies hitting the shore.
Very slowly did some exhausted neuron in the Ixian's head come to a conclusion as to how these creatures in front of it can be so relentless, so cruel, and so evil. When pushed to beyond its breaking point, did their true carnivorous instincts rear their ugly head.
Oh dear Ix. What sort of environment could breed such demons?
La'Ix didn't remember what happened next. The memories feel like a distant dream now as he sits watching the port sky now.
The aching brand on his forehead of the 8 ringed system, pulsed in pain—a departing gift from his newly made friends, stung from the salty sea air.
He barely recalls the staggered walk from the empty inter-arm transmission office and the inputting of his biometric royal seal. He barely even remembers the message that was sent under his name and signature
And even less does he remember what he heard what will happen next.
All alone now, he stares at the sky of the empty port town. As he watches more royal ships enter the atmosphere.
He gazes upward, thoughtlessly, statue-like Knowing fate will come for them all. Fate in the form of piercing black eyes and a monster so large it can fit in a shadow.
A single thought, carried its way from above the despair to the surface. Slowly. Like a bubble in a pool of tar.
What was I meant to tell the emperor again?
submitted by HumanSupremacyFan to HFY [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 21:41 Classic-Bother-7652 Me (25M) and my girlfriend (22F) are going through a crisis (at least i am) and i don't know what to do?

After my first breakup and the endless pain it caused, I thought I could handle anything. A few years back, I even received a diagnosis for ulcerative colitis and managed to cope with the diagnosis and the ongoing suffering. After five years, I opened my heart to another woman.
Two years later, it happened. She met a guy online. I didn't think much of it because men and women can be friends (though it's tough, but possible). He even had a girlfriend, so I wasn't overly worried. After meeting him a few times, she went on a university trip to Switzerland and came back a changed person. She wanted to spend the night at her mom’s, which was fine by me. She said she'd text me when she got there—it’s a 30-minute trip. Five hours later, she suddenly returned home. I was terrified, thinking she had died or something else horrible had happened. When she got home, she said she'd been out drinking with a friend, and we went to sleep because I was too exhausted to discuss anything. The next day, I demanded to see her phone because I didn't believe her (after she didn’t even notify me about her plans), but she refused. Long story short, she had been with Julian, the guy from the cinema. They had gone to watch the northern lights and had some drinks. I pressed her, unable to understand how she could keep this from me. Since she struggles with emotional stress, she confessed that she had kissed my best friend a few months back. After further arguing, she admitted it happened twice more, once at our place.
I told her straight away that we could get through this, and we discussed why it happened. She hadn't felt emotionally secure with me, and I see that now. Yes, it wasn't my fault she strayed, but I hadn't treated her as well as she treated me for the longest time. I wasn't terrible, but I hadn't made her my top priority, and she felt it. She had told me several times how important it was, but she never conveyed just how serious the situation was. We decided to try again, and she agreed to stop seeing Julian for some time (she didn't want to stop texting him because she finds it incredibly hard to make friends and didn’t want to lose that—she said she'd stop if she felt something romantic could happen).
Why didn't I treat her better? I can't tell you. Maybe my illnesses stressed me out! Maybe it was university, which has never stressed me so much, that kept me from paying enough attention to my girlfriend. I just didn't realize how serious it was.
A few days ago, my girlfriend decided to take a break from me to clear her thoughts and find out if she can still love me.
And then, as if things couldn't get worse: in two days, she was supposed to start a month-long break, and just now, she wrote to me that Julian's girlfriend had broken up with him, just as I had predicted.
My disease has flared up again due to stress, and it's the most important university semester of my life, but I can't go on because I JUST CAN'T ANYMORE.
Perfectly timed with our break starting, Julian's girlfriend broke up with him. I don't know what to do with myself. I love my girlfriend, even after everything, and I don't want to lose her. But after everything, especially this last part, I feel like I know where this is going. I just can't deal with it. I can't watch TV shows, I can't eat, and most of the time, I can't even cry. The only thing keeping me going is the hope that nothing happens with Julian this month and she comes back to me, so I can show her that she is my number one priority (alongside my own well-being). And I've never meant anything so seriously.
I don't know what to do with myself. I want to tell her to cut off contact with Julian, but she won't; I want to tell her to stay with me, but she won’t. And when I express my fear that she might develop feelings for Julian during the break, she tells me she can't imagine that happening.
I don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading this far. Writing is the only thing I can do right now.
I feel like I barely exist these days, especially now. I’ve thought about hurting myself, but I won’t. I know I won't end my life, and I won't harm myself. I can't imagine how terrible the next months will be, but I have to survive somehow, even though I feel I may never be happy again.
So... I don't know what I'm expecting from this... Advice? I Quess. I can't imagine anyone can help. I still have to try everything.
**TL;DR;** : My girlfriend cheated and wasnt happy in the relationship and i need help, advice.. anything.
submitted by Classic-Bother-7652 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

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submitted by Next_Research_186 to Studentcorner [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 21:26 PlaceAdaPool Project #4 Addendum II - Integrating Symbolic Deduction Engines with Large Language Models: A Gateway to Universal Symbol Manipulation 🌌

In the vast expanse of artificial intelligence research, a fascinating synergy is emerging between symbolic deduction engines (MDS) and large language models (LLMs). This integration not only promises to enhance the capabilities of AI systems but also paves the way for a universal framework for symbol manipulation, transcending the traditional boundaries of language and mathematics. This exploration delves into how MDS, when used in conjunction with LLMs, could revolutionize our approach to processing and generating information in all its forms.

The Synergy of Symbols and Semantics

At the heart of this integration lies the understanding that all information in the universe, be it words of a language or mathematical symbols, essentially represents an exchange of information. Symbolic deduction engines excel at reasoning with well-defined symbols, following strict logical rules to derive conclusions from premises. Conversely, LLMs are adept at understanding and generating natural language, capturing the nuances and complexities of human communication.

Enhancing LLMs with Symbolic Reasoning

Integrating MDS with LLMs introduces a powerful dimension of logical reasoning and precision to the inherently probabilistic nature of language models. This combination allows AI systems to not only comprehend and generate human-like text but also to reason with symbolic information, ensuring that the output is not only linguistically coherent but also logically consistent.

A Universal System for Symbol Manipulation

Imagine a system where symbols, regardless of their nature, are manipulated with the same ease as words in a sentence. Such a system would leverage the strengths of both MDS and LLMs to handle a wide array of tasks, from solving complex mathematical problems to generating insightful literary analysis. The key to this universal symbol manipulation lies in abstracting the concept of "symbols" to a level where the distinction between a word and a mathematical sign becomes irrelevant, focusing instead on the underlying information they convey.

Challenges and Considerations

Complexity and Integration

The primary challenge lies in the seamless integration of MDS with LLMs, requiring sophisticated mechanisms to translate between the symbolic logic used by MDS and the semantic understanding of LLMs.

Ambiguity and Uncertainty

While MDS operates with clear, unambiguous symbols, LLMs must navigate the inherent ambiguity of natural language. Bridging this gap demands innovative approaches to ensure consistency and accuracy.

Adaptability and Learning

The system must be adaptable, capable of learning new symbols and their relationships, whether they emerge from the evolution of natural language or the discovery of new mathematical principles.

Proposed Solutions

1. Hybrid Model Architecture

Develop a hybrid model that combines LLMs with symbolic reasoning modules. Use LLMs for language understanding and generation, while employing symbolic modules for tasks requiring strict logical deductions.
Technical Implementation: - LLM Component: Utilize models like GPT-4 for natural language processing. - Symbolic Component: Integrate with systems like Prolog or Z3 for symbolic reasoning. - Communication Protocol: Design an interface that allows bidirectional communication between LLMs and symbolic engines.

2. Symbolic Encoding Techniques

Implement symbolic encoding techniques to transform natural language input into a structured format that MDS can process. This could involve developing intermediate representations that capture both semantic and symbolic information.
Technical Implementation: - Intermediate Representation (IR): Define an IR format, such as Abstract Syntax Trees (ASTs) for parsing and structuring inputs. - Parsing Algorithms: Develop algorithms to convert natural language to IR. - Formula: ( \text{IR} = \text{Parser}(\text{Natural Language Input}) )

3. Bidirectional Translation Mechanisms

Create bidirectional translation mechanisms that allow for smooth conversion between the outputs of LLMs and the inputs of MDS. This ensures that both components can work seamlessly together without loss of information.
Technical Implementation: - Translators: Develop translators that convert LLM outputs to symbolic inputs and vice versa. - Formula: ( \text{Symbolic Input} = \text{Translator}(\text{LLM Output}) )

4. Contextual Disambiguation Algorithms

Develop algorithms that use contextual clues to disambiguate symbols within natural language. These algorithms can leverage the vast amounts of data LLMs are trained on to make educated guesses about the intended meaning of ambiguous symbols.
Technical Implementation: - Contextual Clues Extraction: Use techniques like attention mechanisms in Transformers. - Disambiguation Function: ( \text{Disambiguated Symbol} = \text{Disambiguate}(\text{Context}) )

5. Continuous Learning Framework

Implement a continuous learning framework that allows the integrated system to adapt over time. This framework should enable the system to learn from new data, update its understanding of symbols, and refine its reasoning capabilities.
Technical Implementation: - Continuous Learning Loop: Employ reinforcement learning or online learning techniques. - Adaptive Models: Update models incrementally with new data. - Formula: ( \text{Updated Model} = \text{Model} + \Delta \text{Learning}(\text{New Data}) )

The Promise of Discovery

This groundbreaking integration heralds a new era of AI, where machines can not only mimic human language and reasoning but also discover new knowledge by identifying patterns and connections unseen by human minds. By transcending the limitations of current AI systems, the fusion of MDS and LLMs opens up limitless possibilities for innovation and exploration across all domains of knowledge.

Conclusion

The journey towards creating a generic system for the manipulation of symbols, uniting the logical precision of MDS with the semantic richness of LLMs, is an ambitious yet profoundly transformative venture. It embodies the pinnacle of our quest for artificial intelligence that mirrors the depth and breadth of human intellect, capable of navigating the vast ocean of information that defines our universe. refine these ideas further and explore the practical applications of such a system!
submitted by PlaceAdaPool to AI_for_science [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 21:24 SpacemanSpiffEsq General Information / FAQ

General

This subreddit is North American focused. If you would like to provide information from other countries, please leave it in a comment below or contact the moderators.
 
What is a perfusionist and what do they do?
A perfusionist’s central role is to operate a heart-lung machine during open heart surgeries or other surgeries where blood flow may be impaired or interrupted. Examples of surgeries or devices that may require perfusionists most commonly include:
  • Coronary Artery Bypass Graft (CABG)
  • Heart Valve Repair or Replacement
  • Congenital Heart Defect Repairs
  • Organ Transplants
  • Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation (ECMO)
  • Ventricular Assist Devices (VAD)
  • Intra-Aortic Balloon Pumps (IABP)
  • Chemoperfusion
 
What is the salary and job outlook?
Salaries for perfusionists are generally higher than $150,000 per year. There are a wide variety of pay structures that will affect total compensation packages.
The future of perfusion is unclear, mostly due to concerns of market saturation. A search through /Perfusion will reveal a wide variety of opinions on the matter. The American Board of Cardiovascular Perfusion (ABCP) publishes an annual report listing the number of certifications gained and lost. Included in the most current report (2023) is a historical list going back to 2000. Included in the 2022 report is the number of students admitted and graduated in 2021 and 2022.
 
Professional Organizations and Resources:  
 

Education and Credentialing

 
How do I become a perfusionist?
To become a practicing perfusionist in the United States, you must become a Certified Clinical Perfusionist (CCP). This credential is governed by the American Board of Cardiovascular Perfusion (ABCP) and is awarded after passing two board examinations: the Perfusion Basic Science Examination (PBSE) and the Clinical Applications in Perfusion Examination (CAPE).
Qualification to sit for the board exams is achieved by completing a certified program. The accrediting body for programs is the Commission on Accreditation of Allied Health Education Programs (CAAHEP) and a current list of programs may be found by going to this page, selecting “Profession” and choosing “Perfusion.” Unfortunately, this does not include programs that are defunct or programs that are undergoing the preliminary accreditation process. All schools require an undergraduate degree before entry regardless of outcome: degree or certificate.
The list of schools maintained at Perfusion.com and at SpecialtyCare are not current.
Programs currently undergoing preliminary certification include (alphabetical):
Program lengths vary from 18 to 21 months and cost varies from approximately $30,000 to $140,000.
 

Common Questions About the Application Process

 
Is it competitive?
The application process is extremely competitive. Schools are typically receiving several hundred applications and most take 20 or fewer students.
When does the application cycle begin?
The application cycle is different for each school, but typically start as early as June 1 for start dates the following year.
That means that for the beginning of the 2025-2026 academic year, applications will begin opening on June 1, 2024.
When do applications close?
Again, each program will be different. Some programs close earlier than others. Some programs have processes that take awhile to complete, so it is advisable to complete your application before the process closes.
Which school should I apply to?
You should apply to every school you're qualified for.
What prerequisites are required for perfusion school?
Each of the programs have different requirements. Contacting each of the programs with program specific questions is going to result in much more accurate answers than asking here. Programs can and do change requirements on an ongoing basis.
Nearly all programs require at least a documented conversation with a perfusionist or shadowing a case as part of the application process.
How do I find a perfusionist to shadow?
LinkedIn is your best resource. You may also post a request for a specific geographical area using the flair “Shadow Request.” You can also try contacting hospitals that do open heart surgery and arranging to shadow a perfusionist.
What kind of work experience is useful when applying to perfusion school?
Perfusion assistant jobs are sometimes referred to as a “golden ticket” for admission to a school. Many schools seem to value healthcare experience, through what type varies from school to school. Traditionally, RNs with critical care or operating room experience and respiratory techs seem to have a high degree of success. Other perfusion / OR adjacent jobs like anesthesia techs also seem to correlate with higher acceptance rates. As the application process becomes more competitive, it may be worth reaching out to current students to see what class make ups look like or Program Directors to see what advice they may give. Unfortunately, the application process is a “black box” and each institution has different qualities, traits, and experience they seem to value.
What are my chances of getting into School X? / Should I apply this year or wait until I have more experience?
No one knows. Your chances of getting into a school that you haven't applied to are zero. Contact the program for specific questions and guidance about your situation. The application process is a "black box" process with only the Program Directors and Admissions Council Members knowing how they work and what they are looking for in the current cohort. If you have specific questions about feedback you have received, feel free to ask them. Generic "what if" questions have a low likelihood of being approved in this subreddit.
Social Media
Look over all your social media accounts. Clean them up. Present yourself well online.
Additional Resources
/prospective_perfusion - subreddit dedicated to the application process and questions
/perfusion_accepted - subreddit dedicated to accepted students
 
 
Thanks to ghansie10 for the original thread - if you see this, please DM me!
Please report broken links or incorrect information to the moderators.
Feel free to post questions or information below.
submitted by SpacemanSpiffEsq to Perfusion [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 21:23 SoftLavenderKitten Please educate me and give me opinions if i should pursue tests?

Im aware this is not medical advice, im looking to learn and to hear first hand experiences. I have issues for nearly a decade and im no wiser, while my symptoms are getting worse.
Should i ask my doc to do an EMG anyway? Do you all think tests for dysautonomia would make sense now, and if so why?
Short recap: first i gained weight, then as i exercised i started blacking out, then my stamina decreased over years, until now i have "CFS like symptoms" meaning i cant really do anything physically taxing without collapsing and regretting it for days.
I get "Lightheaded" which i fail to properly describe. It feels like being hit with a heavy cold out of nowhere, feeling extremelly tired, like a form of head pressure, which can turn to headache if i persist doing something exhausting.
From what i gathered on my own if you have chronic inflammation (like i do) and anemia (like i do), having dysautonomia is like a secondary symptom that can happen. Am i correct that basically i couldnt get a diagnosis until the other things are figured out?
I currently have no treatment for my chronic inflammation, and im gonna have an iron infusion as a last attempt to fix my anemia. Meanwhile im wondering if i can do something about this as its often been recommended to me by kind strangers online ?
After my neurologist has seen my bloodwork (including my thyroid hormones) he said he wont do future musculary tests because for him the cause of my muscular pain and issues is clear - hypothyroidism.
OK I go to the endocrinologists who disagreed. He said its my anemia.
So i go to the hematologist, who tells me yes im anemic but the symptoms cannot be explained by it.
Hence I walk in cycles from one doc to the next, and now they all kinda agreed to call it CFS and give up on me. Now i wonder if i should pursue this route anyway? Or focus on a muscular issue?
Could some sort of neurological autoimmune condition cause inflammation and consequently the weakness? I dont have the protein in my blood that would indicate muscle atrophy, thats all that was tested so far. And an action potential test on my legs.
I have sinus tachycardia, which my doc linked to the inflammation and my blood being thick (too many erythrocytes or something like that along with anemia). My cardiologist found nothing else wrong, and my blood pressure is always perfect even during exercise when my heart rate spikes.
Yea basically my resting heart rate is 45bpm and if i get up its between 80-90bpm, and when i do the lightest of activities its 130bpm, if i walk uphill etc its 160bpm and if im really straining myself its 180bpmp+ and thats when i usually black out and collapse (i dont faint but i cant move or see). Mind you that straining myself can be as simple as carrying a flower pot or watering my plants.
Moving in 3D space does not influence my exhaustion or my blacking out. I tried doing things like yoga, handstands and so on; and this doesnt make me dizzy. I can easily lay on the floor with my dog, and then whip myself up with no issues. However, the HR is a bit concerning to me.
I couldnt do a proper table tilt test, only the at home test where i go from laying down to standing (45bpm-85bpm).
Im still waiting for a proper rheumatological reply. So far a lot of antibodies were negative and my bloodwork is just all over the place. Im just wondering if i could potentially help myself, even if its not the core of my issues by somehow handling the symptoms. And aside of dysautonomia and CFS i havent found anything that would explain my symptoms, so here i am.
In addition a lot of doctors dismiss my symptoms due to my weight. But like i said, weight gain was my first symptom, and since then i been asking doctors for help but being constantly dismissed.
submitted by SoftLavenderKitten to dysautonomia [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 21:21 JumpyMeal5294 I feel numb and scared even after a month of my breakup.

My girlfriend '21 F'and I '21M' broke up about a month ago. It wasn't an ugly one. We loved each other and always will but we couldn't work through our differences and decided that it was for the best for the both of us to split up. If I am being honest, one could look at things and say that it was mutual breakup but when we were having the conversation about whether we should stay together or break up, it looked like she was just too exhausted and had lost her will in fighting for this. I could sense it and I finally asked her, " Do you think we are fighting for a losing cause?", to which she replied that she's not fighting anymore, not right now. She was and I think still is the most beautiful human being I've ever come across. We dated for 2 years and everything was perfect. I couldn't imagine my life without her, still can't.
We had a big fight during valentine's. During the month of January, we were fighting almost every weekend. So, I decided to make up for all the fighting, in February, on Valentine's day, and decided to order her a gift which was a photo of us and the Spotify link of the first song we slow danced on, printed on a wooden plaque. The month of February came and she initiated the conversation about valentine's gift but I wanted to surprise her with my gift so I didn't tell her at first about it, but she felt bad that I wasn't as excited about valentine's. I then assured her that wasn't the case and I revealed my gift to her. She didn't outright say it but I could figure that she didn't like the gift( before this, I gifted her a paper on which I sewed a heart and drew a Spotify link of a playlist that I made her of songs which I wanted to dedicate to her. She just felt that both the gifts were very similar and that I just came up with the wooden plaque thingy on the spot and that I hadn't given it much thought. She just felt that it was used up and cliché. I genuinely didn't even think of my previous gift which I gave while selecting this one. I just thought that it would be a sweet thing to gift. Idk but I just wanted to surprise her, maybe in that process I hid my excitement and she must've felt that I wasn't excited or something. We were in a long distance relationship for our whole 2 years btw ). She asked me if it was okay if we don't do anything for this valentine's. I was definitely not okay with that and I asked her if there was something that she would like to have as a gift. She was still a little upset so she said that if I cared I would've asked her in the first place. 2 days after this I still ordered her the gift because I thought that she might've not seen the photo or the song that I printed on the plaque and that seeing the gift will change her mind. Few days went by and when the gift was about to arrive at her place, I started teasing her a little bit that I am sending her something. She got really upset, and said whatever I was sending her I must cancel it or return it. I told her that it couldn't be cancelled as it was already dispatched and about to arrive.She then asked me when did I order it, and I said I had ordered it before we had the conversation about not celebrating valentine's ( which was a lie ). She said that she will throw it, not open it or return the gift rather than accepting it. It really angered and hurt me when she said that. She then sent me Rs. 500 for the gift and asked me if that was enough or the gift costed more. I told her that it was enough but in reality it was for Rs. 540. She asked me to swear on her if that was the actual cost of the gift, and I did. I know, I fucked up. This was one rule in our relationship that we would never break, but I did and I will always regret doing that. I just- I will never forgive myself for doing so. 3 days passed by and the gift arrived. Along with the gift also came the fee invoice, on which the actual price of the gift and order date was written. The worst part is that I was still trying to defend myself. She asked me if I will stop manipulating the situation and tell the truth. I didn't even realise what I was doing. Her trust broke at that moment, and with her trust something else also broke that day in our relationship. We were never the same after that in our relationship but we didn't break up. We still worked together on our relationship. 3 months went by and i could see that she was giving her best to me and I was giving all that I could to her as well, but the guilt of what I did was so much for me that I would end up apologizing for it to her almost every day, and she would assure me that it was okay and that she had moved past that and I should too but I just couldn't. I could see she was getting irritated and exhausted of having the same conversation again and again for 3 months. Then came the day when everything broke down. 14th April, she said that she felt like we were like an old married couple who were in a relationship just for the sake of it. At that point I could feel something break in me. For those 3 months I was trying to have conversations with her on phone but I felt like she didn't seem interested in talking to me, She would either be on her phone than talking to me, so I told her that I felt like we are just updating each other of our day and it feels like a chore. I asked her if we could change this and she said "haven't we tried", to which I said "we have". I just felt like she has lost the will to fight for this and I have given her every reason to feel that way.
When we were having the conversation about whether we should still continue dating, one of the points she put forward was that I had lost myself in the relationship. I lost my individuality, the things that made me me. She had expressed this feeling before as well, that she felt like she was dating a version of herself and not me. That I was so scared to loose her that I lost myself in that process. That I was doing things just so that I don't lose her. I had no opinions of my own. One more fucked up thing is that whenever we went on dates, she was the one who initiated them in the last 6 months of our relationship. I felt like the most terrible person to ever exist in her life. So I decided that it time for me to work on myself and that if I continue things like they are, I will lose her, in return I just asked her to be please be gentle and patient with me. She indeed was gentle and patient and i initiated some fun online play dates but she was just busy with her stuff there and we couldn't do them.
Finally, on the call, I asked her, "are we breaking up?", she said "yeah". Her voice trembled and i broke down. In a shaky voice, she said " I need to cut this call ". I said " I'm sorry ". She said " I'm sorry too ". I locked myself in the washroom and cried.
It's been over a month to this and I still feel numb and scared. I find it difficult to sleep. I find it difficult to focus on things. I just keep thinking of all the things that I did wrong. I still care about her but the fact that she will never be mine again is too heavy for me, so I don't contact her much. I am not able to feel anything. I just feel this void. She was my everything. I painted a globe on a ball and wrote " You mean the world to me " on her birthday. She really did mean the world to me. I don't know what to do. She was my first ever girlfriend. She saw me and accepted me when I was invisible to others. She is the reason I know what love actually is.
Idk why I wrote such a long story. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about this.
submitted by JumpyMeal5294 to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2024.05.19 21:21 extreme_aplha100 0 friends!

As title suggested, no one to talk to with an age of 23. Not an extreme introvert or something, talks with everyone, am friendly and sometimes funny. But still lonely asf.
Let me tell you my story, still figuring out why I ended up like this. School lo friends untunde, I was like topper student, everyone used to talk to me. We used to go out on sundays, and make jokes on teachers and all, regular school life.
It was until 5th, some sections went to iit coaching section and some went to the other. 5th class ki iit coaching enti ani, my parents forced me to the other section. So all of my friends went to the coaching section. Anthe now I'm in a different section, still made some friends there and still roamed on sundays with one or two people. Patha friends tho matladtunde kadu, like vallu nannu abandon chesey feel ochindi, they all also like stopped talking to me. Vallu vallu maza tho untunde. Chala rojulu like around 1 month ala naku stomach pain(lie) ani intlo kurchuntunde, my grades were good, so nobody questioned me. School ki vella buddi kale anthe. Malla 9th ki ee iit coaching section pikesunde, malli kaluskunam, but vallatho antha close lenu. Verey vallatho friends aipoinde, malli konchem happy, bcoz we used to vibe. Like we were 4 and eppudo joke lu eskuntunde, but their houses were far af to my house, so didn't hang out outside. Kani oka whatsapp grp kuda cheskunam, joke lu eskune tollam. Ala ala 10th aipoindi. Everyone went to different colleges.
So 11th and 12th total study study study. Friends jokes takuva, but still had some moments here and there. Chaduvukune friends ekuva close ayyaru. And no contact with my school friends, coz no phone and motham hostel lone. And 12th lo kuda school lo lage oka 1½ month dumma kotta, but this time there was a serious health issue. I got minor typhoid, okaroju vomiting cheskunte, intiki patikellaru. Chala weak ayyanu, walk kuda cheyaleka poyanu. Hospital lo admit chesaru konni rojulu. But there's a twist, I knew I will be sick. Endkante wantedly I used to drink tap water(used in washrooms) instead of drinking water. No reason emaina avtada ani, one day suddenly aindi. Next after admitting in hospital for 4 days I came to home, but chala totally weak and lean. So konni rojulu like for 15 days there were tablets, anni rojulu intlo unna. Tablets ayyaka kuda oka 10 days inka nirsam(lie) ani cheppi intlo unna.
Chala syllabus miss ayya, I thought I will be totally fucked up. Kani malli easy gane grades vachesayi. So no worries there. Then 12th completed covid entered.
Now coming to engineering, starting semesters motham online, full chat chestunde, full ga active untunde in my clg grps, andariki nen telsi untunde. I was the funniest. Apdu apdu gmeets petti matladu kune vallu but nen matram matlade vadini kadu, covid valla bayta vallatho matladi chala rojulu aipoyayi antha easiness tho matladalen. Then comes the offline semester. Andariki konchem disappointed, bcoz I am not that charming in offline. But still akada ikada ala jokes estunde. I was in boys hostel, so no girl interaction much, but many girls know me due to my charming presence in group chats. Then boys hostel lo oka 5 mem gang tho unde vadini, but only restricted to hostel(not outings) bcoz covid was still there. Oka girl natho matladalani approach ayindi, like she is interested to talk to me(bcoz of funny in gc). Then we went for walk like for 2hrs. Just ekuva flirting. Inka vidu antha funny kadu ani ankuntundi nxt dekadu emo anukunna. But after some days again she approached me for a walk, malli ala konchem sepu flirting and now some cuddling (very minor), kiss hug lu lantivi levu. One point to note she used to go for walks with like 2 guys other than, vallu coed hostel, so night hostel lo kuda matlakuntunde. Vallatho kuda cuddle cheskuntunde, vallalo okariki ame proposed and he rejected and went with another girl.
Na lanti conservative guy idi antha chusi konchem disturb ayya. And there comes online sem again, inka evaritho matladale, aa ammayi tho kuda, amey kuda msg cheyale. So next offline I was desperate to hang out with her, bcoz I liked that touching ig. Amey titindi, and amey edo badalo undi bcoz got rejected and felt used up, so nen tirugudam ante dekale. Then I stopped caring, but still little crush. Inko 2yrs ala ala gadichi poyay, that 5 mem gang which I had in year was not that strong, rooms splitted, we splitted. I made some other friends but evaru antha caring tho natho matlade vallu kadu. I used to go them and talk to them and hangout with them. But it was never reverse. Inka inthe anukoni self respect tiseskoni alane continue chesa 4 years aypoyayi. Btech madyalo inter friends no connection at all. I used to talk with one inter friend, like 1 time in 1 year. That too he used to call me. Anthe so after engineering, I have friends but nobody talks, they talks if I msg or if I call( which I never do), but that girl which I used to go for walks calls me for some helps. Okay help laki edo call chestundi ani anukune vadini. But sometimes we talked too, mostly she talked thana badalu chepte, I used to agree and maybe give advice. Anthe inka ame naku crush unde kabbati, ameki ippdu no interest ani ardhamaindi but still talking ante my delulu goes crazy and feels sad that it doesn't happen. And feels lonely no one to talk to again. Maybe even I have friends I feel lonely coz I never opened or heart felt talked to anyone, just the normal movies, sports conversations. So I call to nobody and nobody calls. Week lo 3-4 times aina ee lonely feeling povatle. Started understanding myself, why did I end up like this ani reasons vethuku tunna. Should I agree with the situation I am in, and become alone, or put in extra effort, still keep trying as now I have understood relationships are important and relationships play major role in one person's happiness. That is being more vulnerable to people.
I studied psychology subjects, so understood what makes a person happy and all. So miru kuda anyone with good understanding in relationships study this and decode what made me like this psychologically (like not trusting someone or not being vulnerable)
Ps : Please read through it all, maybe it will be like a story. I need help! Maybe some people who are into psychology can decode.
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2024.05.19 21:11 kutukut Struggling with a Recent Breakup and Seeking a Second Chance

My girlfriend of six years dumped me 12 days ago. We had been in a long-distance relationship for about eight months due to her master’s program in a different country. I feel terrible and don’t want to lose her because I love her. I believe she still loves me too. We survived previous long-distance periods, but it has always been hard, especially for her since her love language is more physical.
This was our first relationship, and we had many problems. I struggled to show how much I loved her, and she struggled to believe what I said about my feelings. I worked on myself, got therapy, tried to be more affectionate, and listened to her. However, because I was so afraid of losing her, I couldn't always talk about when she made me feel worthless, stupid, and unloved.
Before the long distance, everything seemed better, although she was sometimes rude to me and made me cry. But when she realized she hurt me, she became the most caring person in the world, making me feel handsome and worthy of love. I was afraid of affection since I feared losing it, but I trusted her with my heart. Also, I was not the best but we were trying.
However, during the long distance, she became cold. She stopped calling me, and I convinced myself that the problem was external stress like money and academics. I tried to invite her to activities like watching movies, reading books together, working out, and studying together online, but she didn’t have time for me or didn’t want to do these things with me. Whenever I tried to be affectionate, she would bring up my past mistakes, and I apologized and told her I was trying to be better.
I got accepted to a master’s program at my dream school—not in the same country, but closer. I dreamed we could meet more often and that everything would get better. I even thought later I could go for a doctorate in her country since I couldn’t afford the master’s there. I called her first when I learned the news; I was so happy. We talked for four consecutive days, and I was the one who kept calling. When I stopped calling, she never called me back. When I asked her why she wasn’t calling, she called me and broke up with me.
I was shocked. I felt it was coming, but I didn’t want it to end. She said she loved me, but when we talked on the phone, everything was fine, yet when she hung up, I wasn't with her. She said she didn’t want to put more effort into the relationship. She wanted to stay friends and said she missed me. I just said if she was sure, I would respect her decision. We cried... I was shocked because she was my best friend too. I couldn’t stand not being able to call or text her. The next day, I reached her and we talked for two hours, she said she couldn’t sleep and was afraid I would never talk to her again when I unfollowed her on Instagram.
We decided on no contact for a day, which was too hard for me. Then we talked, but it was bad. I said I felt angry because I lost my best friend and lover, but she treated it as if I was blaming her and making her the villain. She said it was hard for her too, not just for me. I apologized, and we decided not to talk for a week. But I broke no contact and wrote that I wanted to talk to her. She said she lost her phone and asked if we could text instead. When I said yes, she told me she had some assignments and didn’t want to be distracted, and I respected that.
A day later, I saw her Instagram post about finding her phone and she writed she will post alot since she found her phone and realized she had deleted our pictures. I felt terrible. She wrote to me 10 minutes later, saying she found her phone and asked if we could wait until May 21 to talk until her assignment was finished. That day is coming, and I want to ask her for a second chance, but I understand the reason we broke up is long distance. Even if we got back together, it would still be long distance. I respect her choice, but I can’t let go of her calmly because I love her a lot, and she still says she loves me, even after the breakup. We were not perfect since we are human, but I thought we could solve any problem since we love each other a lot. I believed we would grow old together. I fully trusted her.
I plan to talk to her for a second chance. Even if she says no, she was my first love, and I learned how to love and trust from her. I don't need anyone to love me; I can love myself.
I also hurt her because I couldn’t give her small but important things like buying flowers and going to parties with her (I hate partying). But she also hurt me with small things like not listening to the songs I sent her even once, not visiting my faculty when I was stressed about my projects, even though I asked her to. These things hurt me deeply.
I don't know ...
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