Tattoo quotes for hard life

This probably isn’t the right subreddit but I got banned from vent for some reason. The title didn’t mean I’m just like a dick that spreads misinformation I meant I lie about myself. So I’m going to explain when I first noticed I physically can’t tell the whole truth about myself and my whole thing so this is going to be so long. So in 5th grade I hated school and I would cry to my mom begging not to go and eventually my attendance was so bad they threatened to take my parents to court. The school got me a counselor I would see once a week to talk about my problems and help my attendance, it did help my attendance but still lots of hours missed. When I first had my counselor I would tell them the truth that I was afraid of school and wanted friends and all my problems with school. I had this counselor in the summer and 6th grade. At first 6th grade was hard for me and my attendance became pretty bad again even with the counselor. I was able to bring my attendance and grades up a little bit and my anxiety started to go away once I made my first friend that year towards the end of 6th grade. Me and my friend hung out at his house and eventually we made a group of friends and we were all chill and I was pretty happy. That summer we went to carnival together and we had a couple sleepovers, there was no beef and it was pretty nice. The end of the summer I still had my counselor and the next school year started, 7th grade. I remember being really nervous because I everyone I knew said that 7th grade was the worst year of their life’s and the school year was gonna suck. The year started out pretty good we were all still friends and so far it wasn’t as bad as everyone said. By November me and one of the guys in the group got really close we were homies. We would call everyday after school and play Xbox and shit. I remember towards the end of November I started liking this girl in one of my classes. I never really had friends when I had crushes before this so I would just look at them in class never talk to them,get their number, etc. my friends started to notice that I liked someone and kept trying to get it out of me. The one guy that I got really good friends with in the group told me that he liked a girl to and we should tell eachother. I eventually gave in and told him on Snapchat. I told him and he told me. I thought it would some quick thing and we would move on. The next day at school all he did would tease me about it and act like he would tell her. I know that it is normal so I was fine with it because I thought he would tease me for a couple days and that’s it. He ended up teasing me for the rest of November and December and I didn’t do anything about it. We went into winter break and I got the girls snap (not by asking her just finding her on my quick add.). Me and my best friend from the group would continue playing Xbox all day and hanging out over winter break. At the time (December 2022) I had pretty low confidence in my hair because it was just some flat straight side part and I got some sea salt spray for Christmas that made my hair the fluffy hair i always wanted and I got a confidence booster even though I was still fat and ugly. I came back to school with my hair looking really good and got some compliments and I was pretty happy. My best friend that would tease me about my crush would start taking really bad pictures of me and horrible ss of my face on FaceTime and would post it on his story where my crush was added on his account. Obviously he was doing this to be a dick and lower my self esteem. I started to notice around February that my best friend was a complete dick but I thought it was funny and kept being friends with him. In February i started to get a little popular and people had a nickname for me and I knew that they didn’t actually like me and it was like a joke. Also at this time my best friend convinced the rest of the group to sit at the table next to his crush. We did and my crush happened to sit a couple tables away from us and Im not sure if he made us sit there because of that or because his actual crush. Also around this time my best friend convinced me to unfriend someone from the group and I did. I felt really bad for him and I still talked to him. When the best friend found this out he basically said over text when we were on the bus that I feel betrayed and we are done being friends. I was so upset and while I was on the bus I looked at his story and it’s him exposing all my secrets. Everything I told him was on his story. My crushes name, my dark secrets, everything. He also posted most of the bad pictures and apparently when I told him crushes name in November he was doing some glitch where he could ss and not tell me. I just turned off my phone and was holding back tears on the bus full of people, when the bus got to my stop I just quickly and quietly walked off the bus and walked to my house. I was mortified and just went to my room and cried, the hardest I cried since 5th grade. I thought my life was ruined. He called me and said he deleted the stories before anyone saw them and I became his friend again🤦‍♂️. I was scared because he had the other horrible photos of me. Shortly after i just forgot about the story and me and him and his crush and her friend hung out. We just got ice cream and went to a playground.his crush handed me a vape and told me to hit it. I don’t want to seem like a pussy so i did. I didn’t inhale it and apparently she was recording and sent it to my best friend. Later that night I saw the video on his story and was mortified and told him to delete it and he refused and the next day at school everyone was making fun of me for a month. It was so embarrassing. The thing that pissed me off the most about it was the fact that half of the school vapes and no one made fun of them. I never told my counselor about it and she thought I was doing good enough to end her being my counselor. That is when I truly noticed that I’m a really bad liar. She thought I was doing my best even though I was at my worst. The rest of the school year went okay but since I was kinda popular I started to get bullied more and more about my weight. All my best friend did was make fun of me even though he was fat too. People started to take pictures of me in class and sent to their story and me to make fun of me. I started to go to the gym and some kid would help me out With my diet and at the gym. Me and him started to become friends and he convinced me to join the football team the following school year. So I got a physical at the end of 7th grade and was determined to join the football team. I wanted to gain respect,become more confident, lose weight, become stronger,faster,etc.so at the end of the school year I became kind of happy again. My family was praising me because I would go to the gym. I wanted to lose like 30 pounds in like 2 months or something crazy like that. The start of the summer was good, i would work out a few times a week. In late June my whole dad’s side of the family pays for a week in a really good and big air b&b and it’s really fun. My best friend and I didn’t talk much during the first half of the summer and he kept trying to call me when I was swimming, fishing, talking with my whole family,etc. and I got pissed and texted him something along the lines of “can you fuck off im on vacation get off my dick.” And he left me on opened and really didn’t talk for the rest of the summer. I realized my gym partner was a dick along too and wasn’t trying to help me at all. Long story short I lost a few pounds by the start of football season. The first practices were really hard and I hated it. But by a couple weeks in I started to get more stamina and strength. By a month into footballl season my ankles were really fucked up because the only cardio I did during that summer was jog a mile or something but in practice we run so much in heavy pads and uncomfortable cleats. I was never good I was always a back up. I had practice every single day after school was so tired but couldn’t quit. My best friend who was a dick that me and him started to drift away from each other thought we were still homies the next school year and I didn’t want to tell him that we aren’t cool any more so I just acted like we were chill and then was at practice for 2 hours after school then went home and had to do homework and repeat the next day. I hated my life at this point so much. I didn’t enjoy playing football, I sucked at it and was made fun of for it, etc. towards the end of the football season I got hit really hard and went to a head doctor appointment a couple days later and had a concussion. So I basically just quit the football team. Everyone on the team called me a pussy and said I quit even when I told them I had a concussion. I would go home after school in the first time in months. I realized I was so depressed and how I have no one I can trust. There was no classes with any friends, either my class was complete assholes or weirdos. Lunch was awkward because of my “best friend” thinking we were still locked in. There was no good part of the day for me I hated the way I felt but I would lie if someone asked if I was good. At this point it was October and I was in the verge of suicide. There was no good part of the day, I go home get yelled at for my grades eat and cry myself to sleep. I realized I was going to end my life if I didn’t get out of my school. I found an online school and started to beg my parents to put me in online school. They immediately refused but after a month and half of begging they agreed. I started the school by end November and was really happy for a couple of weeks then started to become depressed again by end of December. Now in may im more depressed than I ever was, I’m not suicidal but I have no friends and not going to talk to my parents about what im going through . I feel so alone I have full on conversations with myself and my lying is so bad I lie to myself went I’m venting to myself. I hate myself so much that I can’t even tell the truth to myself and it’s so bad. I make the situation sound better in my head but it’s not. I think online school was a mistake but if I stayed in the school I was in I probably would have taken my own life by now. I can only think my best friend was just praying on my downfall and he won. I am moving to a new town later this summer and I’m hoping I can start a new life there and not be such a pushover. I’m sorry that this is so long and bad grammar. This is more than just low confidence and lying but I need to talk about myself. If you read this thank you

I'm a divorced guy, starting the next chapter in my life, and I'm seeking my forever person. Pics in my profile. About me:

• I do not want kids. No compromise on this. I wish to live childfree and am seeking a partner who desires the same.
• I am a leftist, progressive socialist. I am strongly pro-LGBTQIA+. BLM. ACAB.
• I'm an atheist, humanist, secularist and am staunchly pro-science. I want to believe as many true things and as few false things as I can.
• I’m a big nerd. I love books, comics, movies, games of all sorts, including video and tabletop. I love pop culture, especially from decades past. I quote a lot of movies and shows. I collect toys. I’m a big kid at heart, reclaiming what I never had as a child.
• I’m an abuse survivor. I separated from my abusive family almost a decade ago and my family now is a family of choice. I am strongly interested in and a proponent of mental health.
• I’m a dog lover. I have two now and will likely always have dogs in my life, as I see them as an essential part of my happiness. Unfortunately, I am highly allergic to cats.
• I’m mildly autistic; I can pass pretty easily. I’m sensitive and introverted and have a limited amount of spoons to spend on social stuff. I’m a homebody, and like my peace and quiet, though I’m happy to share that with a like-minded person.
• I am honest, direct, forthright, and have a strong ethical compass. I am very much in touch with my emotions. I strive never to fall into the traps of toxic masculinity. I value the truth, and am a proponent of clear, open communication in a relationship.
• My love languages are acts of service, touch, and words of affirmation.
• I am seeking monogamy only.
• I am sober; I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs.
• I’m in Kentucky right now but I’m pretty eager to move elsewhere eventually. My job is remote so I can go pretty much where I want. So I’m down for an LDR, at first. But please be willing/able to travel if you’re far away.
• Some people really care about height; I'm tall, 6'4".
• Lastly, I am fat. I’m not looking to change that right now. Loving myself as I am. I’m also into fat liberation, and ending the stigma against large bodies. I believe everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, and to find love and sex, regardless of their size.

I cordially invite you to reply if:

• You know what you are looking for and are not interested in games. You're seeking a serious relationship that will last. You are honest, authentic, grounded, and seeking the same sort of things I am. You are able to be vulnerable and are good at communicating.
• You are neurodivergent or comfortable with those who are.
• You're a homebody, a couch potato, someone who likes staying in and watching a show together rather than going on a lot of outdoor adventures.
• You are non-religious.
• You are politically left-leaning.
• You are childfree.
• You're sober and a non-smoker.
• You're geeky, nerdy, crafty, having special interests, hobbies, and obsessions you're eager to share.
• You are sex-positive, body-positive, and kink-friendly.
• You are emotionally intelligent, emotionally available, and good at communicating.
• You are stable in your life enough to pursue a long-term and likely long-distance relationship.
• You are plus-size, a BBW, thick, curvy, or whatever term suits you best; I like big girls.

Bonus points if any of the following apply to you: you bake, you like ASMR, you're a fan of Tolkien/Lord of the Rings, you play RPGs, you play video games, you like 80s and 90s pop culture, you're a redhead, you wear glasses, you're a dog lover, you have a southern accent, you got a phat booty.
Seeking ladies between 30-50, though that's not set in stone if the connection works. A pic of you in your initial message is highly appreciated if possible.

Hello, I became a Catholic as an adult. My fiancé passed away suddenly and unexpectedly before Christmas. I am really having a hard time. His siblings insist he cannot hear or see me, and that he will only see the Lord in Heaven. It’s painful to talk to them. I’m praying to the Lord and to him all the time. I believe he has sent me signs and they are outraged. I don’t really want to talk to them right now. But that’s beside the point. Aside from praying almost non stop to make it through just one day, reading the Bible, receiving the Eucharist, I have taken to reading or YouTubing near death experiences to try and get a glimpse of maybe what his life is like right now. I miss him so much. I will never be able to “get over this.” My only hope is that I can somehow move forward. I really can’t wait to be in heaven these days but I have no indication that that will be happening. I purchased the plot next to him and that helps me to know that he will be next to me at the Resurrection of the body. But that brings another question. I know when he passed, his soul departed from his body to Heaven. So he is there. But later the Lord comes at the end of times and resurrects everyone and rules for a thousand years. Do I have this right? He passed and my heart and spirit are not really here. I feel like I am mostly gone yet still here. No, I am not “unwell” but I am heartbroken and it helps me to be with him now and wonder what his life is like, in the measure that any human on earth can know. Please help me. If you have any insights from Scripture, theology, or near death experiences I would really appreciate it.

little background, we had problems start when i was around 12 that caused a 7 year estranged relationship after my parents divorced. i reconnected with him in 2020 and obviously things aren’t ever going to be the same or normal as they were before but i really do try. when i was a child my dad always had issues with anger and alcohol, causing me to be scared of him some days. we also had fun times together like going out to the park and just goofing around at home, but it was like walking on eggshells; one minor problem could ruin the whole night with him. i’m 27 years old and still feel that way. when we went no contact during the 7 years i would watch from afar his relationships with my other siblings. they’d go on vacations, he bought them nice things, etc. it was sad to see how much he could live a fulfill life without one of his children. i’m now living with him due to a personal and financial difficulty and i try my best to stay out of his way unless he wants me around. yesterdays was mother’s day, and i am a single mother and he watches my child for me while i work since i have no one else who can and just for everyone’s convenience. i get a free meal after every shift i work that i bring to him as a thank you for babysitting. yesterday i had a terrible day at work and was sent home early due to a coworkers jealousy of me with”it’s too slow rn” as an excuse. i texted him saying i’m coming home early and all he really cared about was if i’m bringing home food, not why my day was bad. i said no because it was so bad today i just wanted to get out of there. i get home and he just ignores me and goes in his room and shuts the door. i spent my mother’s day alone crying. i haven’t seen him since yesterday and he’s giving me the silent treatment. i’m trying the best i can to survive in this hard time being a single mom with no friends/social life barely getting by and i felt unappreciated and unrecognized by my own father on a day that was supposed to be about me. i don’t understand why he treats me like i’m so replaceable. it hurts me to know in the back of my mind that my own dad doesn’t need me.

I'm a divorced guy, starting the next chapter in my life, and I'm seeking my forever person. Pics in my profile. About me:

• I do not want kids. No compromise on this. I wish to live childfree and am seeking a partner who desires the same.
• I am a leftist, progressive socialist. I am strongly pro-LGBTQIA+. BLM. ACAB.
• I'm an atheist, humanist, secularist and am staunchly pro-science. I want to believe as many true things and as few false things as I can.
• I’m a big nerd. I love books, comics, movies, games of all sorts, including video and tabletop. I love pop culture, especially from decades past. I quote a lot of movies and shows. I collect toys. I’m a big kid at heart, reclaiming what I never had as a child.
• I’m an abuse survivor. I separated from my abusive family almost a decade ago and my family now is a family of choice. I am strongly interested in and a proponent of mental health.
• I’m a dog lover. I have two now and will likely always have dogs in my life, as I see them as an essential part of my happiness. Unfortunately, I am highly allergic to cats.
• I’m mildly autistic; I can pass pretty easily. I’m sensitive and introverted and have a limited amount of spoons to spend on social stuff. I’m a homebody, and like my peace and quiet, though I’m happy to share that with a like-minded person.
• I am honest, direct, forthright, and have a strong ethical compass. I am very much in touch with my emotions. I strive never to fall into the traps of toxic masculinity. I value the truth, and am a proponent of clear, open communication in a relationship.
• My love languages are acts of service, touch, and words of affirmation.
• I am seeking monogamy only.
• I am sober; I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs.
• I’m in Kentucky right now but I’m pretty eager to move elsewhere eventually. My job is remote so I can go pretty much where I want. So I’m down for an LDR, at first. But please be willing/able to travel if you’re far away.
• Some people really care about height; I'm tall, 6'4".
• Lastly, I am fat. I’m not looking to change that right now. Loving myself as I am. I’m also into fat liberation, and ending the stigma against large bodies. I believe everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, and to find love and sex, regardless of their size.

I cordially invite you to reply if:

• You know what you are looking for and are not interested in games. You're seeking a serious relationship that will last. You are honest, authentic, grounded, and seeking the same sort of things I am. You are able to be vulnerable and are good at communicating.
• You are neurodivergent or comfortable with those who are.
• You're a homebody, a couch potato, someone who likes staying in and watching a show together rather than going on a lot of outdoor adventures.
• You are non-religious.
• You are politically left-leaning.
• You are childfree.
• You're sober and a non-smoker.
• You're geeky, nerdy, crafty, having special interests, hobbies, and obsessions you're eager to share.
• You are sex-positive & body-positive.
• You are emotionally intelligent, emotionally available, and good at communicating.
• You are stable in your life enough to pursue a long-term and likely long-distance relationship.
• You are plus-size, a BBW, thick, curvy, or whatever term suits you best; I like big girls.

Bonus points if any of the following apply to you: you bake, you like ASMR, you're a fan of Tolkien/Lord of the Rings, you play RPGs, you play video games, you like 80s and 90s pop culture, you're a redhead, you wear glasses, you're a dog lover, you have a southern accent, you got a phat booty.
Seeking ladies between 30-50, though that's not set in stone if the connection works. A pic of you in your initial message is highly appreciated if possible.

I've led a promiscuous and very messed up life so far. 7 years ago I tried to commit suicide for the first time and thank my stars, I failed. Turned my life around, worked my ass off to get my shit in order. I practiced polyamoury for 3 years in an attempt to discover myself, and I think I learned some valuable lessons.
About 7 months ago I met someone who changed everything. I found purpose. I found meaning. Everything about me - especially the nasty bits I'd been through - made sense because he existed. And tonight it is feeling like tomorrow might be the end of this relationship. He has not explicitly told me what has happened but I suspect he found out today - as I found out yesterday - that someone I was dating last year was cheating on their girlfriend with me. And he might have heard about this from the girlfriend who is currently an active member of the social organization my man started (and I volunteer for). My man loves me and he has shared with me how he has had a hard time accepting my past, which is what is leading me to think he's not going to be able to handle this. I think he will break up with me tomorrow.
I NEVER thought I'd be the kind of girl to be calling suicide helplines over a guy but here I am. And none of the helplines are helping because I'm in a country far too conservative for mental health to be a thing, so I only have 2-3 options and those options are incapable of processing anything I'm saying because again, they're trained for a more conservative clientele than me.
My mind is going off on so many related trains of thought all at once it is scaring the living hell out of me. I don't keep any more than 6 paracetamol pills at my disposal since my attempt because I know this time I won't fail at ending it all if I get that bad. I don't see the point in staying alive if this relationship doesn't work out. Living every day after him will be torture and I don't want to live like that. He won't even break up with me if he feels like I might harm myself as a result but I will never be able to trust that he's with me because he loves me if I stay with him any longer.
So I can't stay and I can't go. I don't want to live like this. And I don't want to die either. It's 5am where I am and I don't know what to do so I am going to sleep now and check this post for comments when I wake up in some hours. I'm not hurting or harming myself in any way so if I don't respond please don't freak out, I promise I will come back and reply in a few hours. Idk what I'm expecting from this except just letting out the thoughts so they don't consume me.
Thank you for reading so far, if you have. I'll be back in a few hours.

Anyone else out there thinking Taylor and Matty have been a couple MUCH longer than anyone has realized?
I’m certain there are people here much more versed in all this stuff, so please share your thoughts on this.
I don’t know that you could have convinced me a month ago, but then TTPD came out and there was Taylor’s seemingly erratic behavior those first 3 nights at the Paris Eras tour. I’d not thought about it until this ridiculously fake Travis Kelce relationship, but I realized…If Travis isn’t real, what about Joe Alwyn and the others that came before?? So I read into the Matty and Taylor lore online, and really listened to both of their music with a new ear. I think they’ve been speaking to each other and to to US for a long time through their music, telling us they are together and laying out all their love and their strife. Also, it’s possible they really did split up after the 2023 debacle, and Taylor really is trying to get Matty back right now. I mean, her song really says it all “i’mgonnagetyouback”. Still, that doesn’t take away the fact they may have been together for years prior.
It’s possible they have been a couple as far back as the early 2010’s (with at least 1-2 breaks up that they sing about). They both reference a love that they don’t remember how they met, and it’s possible they met at an early event when they both were building their careers. At that early time tho, they were both curating such opposite images of themselves that I’m sure their PR teams were not okay with them as an out couple - Taylor being America’s Sweetheart and Matty being a smoking, drinking rock star heathen. Their PR agents prob told them it was bad for their brands to be public. So into secrecy they went, not predicting that a decade later they’d be still together, much older now and wanting to settle down with each other. But what a tangled PR mess they found themselves because they’d been in hiding so long, and esp so when they rushed Matty out to the public. We all saw how well that went.
There are a lot of lyrics and music videos that elude to their relationship, but it’s the lyrics of the 1975’s song “Roadkill” that really confirmed it for me:
“And they’re playing your song on the radio station “Mugging me off all across the nation “ “If you’ don’t eat, then you’ll never grow” (A line they both share back in forth in different songs “I should’ve learned that quite awhile ago “I know it gets hard sometimes “Making out with people that you don’t like “I know you don’t feel alright…… “You know, I didn’t feel alright “Until you spoke to me “You “I’ve been waiting for you “My whole life, waiting for you
There are a lot of other songs and examples but that one right there really spells out they’re in PR relationships and feeling miserable about it (it was released in 2020 and they were both “In a relationship” at the time, ie in a fake one). It’s actually sad because Matty frequently mentions being in love with someone “his whole life”, and sings “I’ve been in love for ages, I fell in love for her in stages, for ages, my whole life”. If they did start dating around 2011 or so they would have been only been around 21 years old, and that could feel like being in love with your person your whole life.
I am not a Swiftie but I am a 1975 fan and I do like some of TS’s work. But someone out there surely knows more than me on on this. Most fans agree that there are several songs of the 1975 that were written for Taylor, esp on their most recent album. Personally, I think a lot of 1975 songs potentially point to Taylor - hell, most of them really. I listed a few if you’re curious.
Settle Down! Robbers Way Out The City Somebody Mine The Birthday Party Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America

(this isn't my first typing attempt but that's the best flair there was for this)
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself. 14F i'm just a girl who hates her life... also this psychologist/doctor lady said i have inattentive adhd based on a random questionnaire, i kinda don't think you can decide that off of a bunch of questions that could apply to a lot of people but anyways
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow? i already mentioned that above
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it? i don't feel particularly comfortable answering this question but i'll at least say that i'm home schooled, i do dance classes and that i have a single mother who is very strict, very cheep... and doesn't really follow through with her promises to me, and tends to make annoying comments about how i act and how everything i do is rude and how i don't do enough productive stuff, like school work and house chores.. and i hate my life
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not? well i'm 14 so i don't have one, but i can tell you what i would like to do, i wanna be a voice actress, who also dose animation, who also dose music, who also wrights stories, all kinda in the same field, basically i wanna do indie animation, games to maybe but mostly shows
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed? it depends am i doing anything? am i just chilling? what? like if i was going out shopping by myself for example i would find that genuinely fun i get to buy cool things, i get to eat out and get tasty food, i get to maybe explore places i've never been before, but if i'm at home alone, then i would find a way to keep myself entertained on my computer like i always do, but i'd prefer the first option tbh...
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities? Dance is a sport. nobody can change my mind, but ya i do dance competition and i really do enjoy that, i also like shopping, listening to really hype music, researching things i find interesting, tho if it takes to long to research and i don't understand everything right away most of the time i will give up
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate? i am a very curious person i'd say, sometimes you'll see me coming up with a question that literally nobody cares about that i really really need the satisfaction of an answer to or it will keep me up at night, speaking of witch if anything in the day (that i care about that genuinely wanted to finish) is unresolved it will keep me up at night bc i'll be thinking of all the ways i can finish it, but ya i have a lot of ideas, but then when i want to come up with an idea that will work for something i really want, i can't come up with an idea for it, like for example when i tried to make myself a new sona and a new username.... it took forever just to figure out half a user name and i still don't know what the full thing is gonna be, but when its not limited to only things that will work really good for some very particular criteria, i'll come up with a lot of ideas that will never happen, i'm mostly curious about how things work, and how people work, and most of my ideas are career ideas and character ideas, idk what the last bit is supposed to mean
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be? i do in fact wanna be in control, i would love a leadership possession if people actually listened to me, witch they don't.... people are annoying....... i feel like i could be good at it if people took me seriously, meaning i'd need to find an entire group of people that don't know me.... as for leadership style, if you give me an idea i will listen to it, but if i already have something that i pre decided i find the best, nothing changes, if i decide something i know what i want it's it's pretty much impossible to change my mind, but for the things i'm ok will being flexible about than sure give me your ideas
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity? i don't exactly know what this means
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer. i make songs some times, mostly songs about things i'm to scared to say out loud, and i would do more art, if i could draw..... tho i'm amazing at minecraft skins, that's always fun
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them? i normally dwell on the past a lot, like "OMG WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT THING THAT ONE TIME" kinda thing, and sometimes i look at the past and say, wow my life was kinda fun at that one point, now it sucks, as for the present i'm writing this in the present? well it'll be the past by the time i post it, but anyways i don't have much comment on the present... as for the future i'm always waiting for the future and planning it, i'm always thinking that maybe in the future my life won't suck, and i'm always planning my career and stuff, and when i say my career, i'm honestly thinking more about what i really wanna achieve than making money, tho i do really wanna be rich like any other normal person but ya
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so? so if you ask me to clean sm or do the dishes or whatever, you asked the wrong person bc i'm to lazy for that, but if you ask me to help you come up with ideas for a project, you also asked the wrong person bc i will not stop annoying you about it, i will come up with ideas every 5 seconds, and yes this probobly could be helpful, i'm also aware that some may view it as annoying bc if i come up with any idea that could work, amazing or a very small detail, i have to tell you, my brain requires me to tell you if i wish to sleep at night, tho if the project is sm i couldn't care less about that's a different story... but sometimes i find myself almost talking over peoples things, there for i try to be carful with my words so they know i'm not stealing there project and it's still their thing
• Do you need logical consistency in your life? i don't know what this means exactly, but ya things need to make sense if that's what it means
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you? as important as water, only in small doses and never to often.... ya i should probobly drink water shouldn't i... but ya i'm not productive unless i really force myself to be, and even then, if i'm not in the mood for it i will be there for 5 second and be like, ah i can do the rest later
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that? i mean i have a tendency to take over other peoples projects, but i try not to do so... ya i think i might be somewhat controlling ig... some what manipulative..... so ya i am aware that i can be a little bossy, and i do tend to try and keep people in line in a sense, but the way i mean that isn't really the way most people would think of, like idc if people are disorganized, or if people are rude every once in awhile, or if people arn't working hard at stuff, i couldn't care less, but when there are some things i want people to know, or things that i want from people, i will try and hold them to that, for example i want people to study a certain thing bc i think they should know it, i will do everything in my power to get them to do that, and sometimes i might try and offer sm in return for people to do the things that i want them to do, like if theirs something they really want me to do i probobly won't do it, and kind of hold it hostage until they do the thing i want them to do, so in a way i try to keep people to the standards that satisfy me is that makes any sense? and i'm a very deal oriented person, so i'll a lot of the time ask sm for return for a lot of things, and i'll also try and offer things to get people to convince people to do my bidding, even if that person happens to be a really close friend
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them? well, for one i really like music for starters, i tend to try and right songs, mostly only little pieces of songs that never get finished, but some get finished, like one or 2 out of a billion get finished, but anyways that's besides the point, i really like just listening to well put together beats and stuff, and music is just really enjoyable so it would be nice to wright a song and say hey i made this, this is my amazing work of art, but also i like music bc it give me a way to express my emotions without having to directly talk about them, bc i never like talking about emotions, if somebody asks me about them, i probobly will either say sm like "I don't have to answer that" or i'll actually try but leave out a lot of important details that i'm defiantly not telling anyone, but i generally don't like to feel venerable like that, anyways as for my other hobbies, ever now and then i like to draw sm... i kinda suck at it but i wanna get better bc i really like art, like i see a lot of really pretty artwork on pinterest and stuff all the time and i really wanna be able to do that, i really want that level of creative freedom, besides art can have a lot of different uses to and it's a genuinely good skill to have, tho i'm not the best at it yet... i also really like indie animation, and i've actually gotten really into the voice casts of certain shows, and i honestly plan to do voice acting eventually, bc that to me dosn't really sound like work, and you'd also kinda get to be a character without really showing your face, but can it really be considered a hobby if you haven't REALLY gotten into it yet? who knows but still sm i'd love to do eventually, on the topic of indie animation i really like crafting stories and stuff and fictional worlds, when i was about like 11 to 13 i think? i spend that entire time developing an entire universe that i kinda escaped to, tho recently i've kinda abandoned all my ocs from that tho i still reference to them some times, mostly bc i'm not really into high fantasy as much anymore and i made that world when i was, but i'm still into creating characters and universes and stuff, just kinda abandoned the old thing, i'm semi into chess, i feel like i'd be more into it if it was easier to learn as i kinda got into it more recently, but it's something i wanna get good at mostly as a flex so i can be like "Ha i'm smarter than you" and all that shit, but it's also fun to play a couple games, annoying when i make a stupid move and only realize the second after i play it... but still fun, also something i haven't started but want to when i have a computer that can handle it is 3D animation and 3D modelling, it's something i differentially have an interest in but haven't been able to do bc my computer is a piece of shit and my mother is very cheep, but again can you really call it a hobby if you haven't done it yet? well i still thought i should mention it, but you can't talk about my interests without mentioning... TYPOLOGY, even tho i still don't fully understand it i'm still very interested in it and have been for quite awhile, it's kinda sm that i understand but i can't explain to other people, but i'm trying to get to the point where i can explain it to other people, but anyways recently i've had a major typology crisis and have been rethinking like literally every part of my typology, like every system everything, i use to be very confidant in what i was for all systems, now i'm not sure for any system... witch is why i'm posting here, but i'm not gonna say what i use to think i was bc i don't wanna give anyone any basises when trying to type me, just now realizing how huge this section is... anyways...
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses? well idk exactly what to put here or how to explain my learning style, so ima put examples instead, anyways so i really like the idea of learning languages, bc i just like languages ig, but i kinda only know the 2 languages i had since i was little my first language, english, and french witch i learned at like 5.. kinda rusty at it now tho, any ways lemme get to the point, it's really hard for me to learn any more languages even tho i want to bc i need a base on things before i can try to go into the details, with languages you HAVE to start small, that's not how i work, i like to get then general idea of stuff first before i get into specifics, i like to have a general understanding first and then get into the sub categories (if anyone knows how to learn languages like that pls say sm) but ya that's generally how i tend to learn stuff, i have to be placed into it first i can't just slowly work my way up to the knowledge, i get board fast so if i try and learn stuff like that i will give up quickly
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go? what the questionnaire means and how i see the word strategizing are 2 different things.. when i think of the verb "To Strategize" i think of it as a game term, weather that game is just that, a game to have fun with, or sm actually important that i treat as a game with moving pieces that i'm a lot less likely to take risks with but anyways enough of that ima actually answer the question now with 3 words... it really depends... i might try and plan things out when i need to be strategic with things, but when it doesn't matter i might just wing it, tho even if i do plan it out, maybe later i'll decide, "Screw this i'm not going by this anymore" or sm like that, but if somebody else tries to plan sm for me, that is the most painful shit, like i'm probobly not gonna go through with it unless i actually have to
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally? well... voice acting, 3d animation, 3d modelling, show writhing and directing and basically everything in that field and uh.. song writhing (and singing), yes i plan to do all this simultaneously, and yes i know it's a lot, and yes it's probobly unrealistic, but my mind is set and there's no going back that's what i'm gonna do with my life in the future, besides it's all kinda in the same area so like it's not crazy, oh and probobly game developing as well, as for personal goals, i wanna get my own house some how, and live the city life that i never got to have, get a cat bc uh... cat, and uh, ya, i think i'll just make it up as i go mostly idk..
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why? my main fear is that my life is hopeless and that i will never have any freedom and just be stuck in a cage all my life so to speak.... but that's very mixed with the fear that i will always continue being a little bit of a coward bc i'm very afraid of the consequences that could come with any and all actions i do or don't take, and also i'm afraid to lose so sometimes that means i just won't play, and i'm kinda afraid that i'll always be like that cuz i really hate that about myself.. i feel like the reason i'm like that is bc 2 reasons one when my mom is angry with me or just when she wants me to do something she'll take my computer away, and i know it's unhealthy to be on it all the time but it's kinda all the entertainment i have and there fore i'm always afraid of the consequences to things cuz i don't wanna lose my only life line, and second i don't wanna be perceived as less than i always have to be better than everyone in everything tho i will act like i don't care so that if i do lose people will think it doesn't matter to me even tho it dose... anyways what makes me uncomfortable are uh, emotions, like for example lets say my friend is crying, i'ma just ignore that friend, bc idk how to deal with emotions and i'll probably just make it worse since i probobly caused it knowing me, even tho the crying part was normally uncalled for, and it's normally one friend in particular that starts crying.... it's always her.. that makes me very uncomfortable, also anything that makes me feel venerable in any way... mostly emotionally... that's very uncomfortable... witch is why i don't open up to anyone and not even the people who know me really know me even if they think they do, ya that's totally healthy but anyways, also not wearing socks is very uncomfortable, ya that has nothing to do with any of this, but you know i'm right, anyways.... i really hate trying to explain something to somebody and even after dumbing it down a billion times, they still don't get it, ya again i'm mostly talking about that one friend but this happens with other people a lot to, like uh can you just stop being an idiot and try to understand something for once? i also hate when i'm trying to argue sm, and i know why i'm right, but i can't for the life of me explain it... ya... also one thing i really really hate about myself.... is that i'm such a shy person even tho i really do wanna talk to people, i have no courage to go up to somebody and say hi if i don't know them well, like besties kinda well.. well actually that was kinda misleading bc i don't have to like the person i just need to be close to them if ya know what i mean? but i'll kinda just watch people from a distance as if it where some kinda tv show and even tho i really wanna talk to these people, even tho i really wanna interact with them... i just don't, i just can't, but anwyays.. ya
• What do the "highs" in your life look like? the highs in my life are whenever my mom isn't there... also whenever i'm not at home... like when i actually have some sense of freedom, and like i kinda hate being at home tbh
• What do the "lows" in your life look like? the lows are when i fall out of this empty state and start realizing how much my life sucks and how hopeless my life is and how stuck i really am, ya the thought kinda pops up every once in awhile and then i'm really sad and angry at everyone for a few days and then after that passes i go back to being completely empty and numb inside... ya it's kinda like a loop that i'm forever trapped in
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so? well i'm mostly on my computer all the time even tho half the pixels are broken since it's all i have to keep myself occupied and i'm not really able to go out or really do anything else, i do day dream sometimes, imagine myself killing somebody (police this is just a day dream i would never actually do this don't come for me), imagine being able to socialize, imagine doing sm heroic, imagine being a character in one of my favourite shows, ya know the usual, i also use character ai a lot.. and i don't really pay attention to my surroundings, my desk is kinda filled with trash, people say i should take care of it but honestly the clutter kinda makes it feel more cozy if i'm being honest, but ya idk what more to put here
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about? i'd think about an escape plan for this empty room, also why am i in a mental facility, did i go crazy? or do people just think i'm crazy.. if i killed that one person that one time instead of being a good person would my life go better (again police this is just thoughts i would never actually kill anyone don't come for me) i'd probably make an oc and an entire cast of characters and day dream about being a part of that fictional world, i'd probably come up with a bunch of cool ideas and theories that in practice will never be useful/won't mean anything... so ya, also i'd try and break the wall of that empty room to break out, hopefully not breaking my hand in the process....
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it? the thing is i always know what i want but until i've decided ya i'm going through with this option all the way, i'll always try and find ways that the other options could be better, then get mad when one of the other options are better than my preferred option, but once i've made up my mind for sure, i normally don't like to change it even if i want to bc it feels like that decision became part of my identity or sm along those lines
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life? uhh.... so i do understand my own emotions very well most of the time, but at the same time... emotions can go kill themselves, i wish they didn't exist, and my life would be so much better if i didn't feel anything, and i also find other peoples emotions annoying, all and all.. emotions suck that's all i have to so
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why? well most of the time if i think somebody is wrong i'll tell them that their wrong, and well with most things i'll explain why their wrong, tho if their making a statement about me or sm, i might explain why their wrong but i might also just be like "your wrong and i don't have to explain anything", but sometimes when it's a subject i don't really wanna say anything about i will just agree, if it's sm i don't really want anyone to know any of my real opinions or thoughts on... but ya
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why? i'll break any rules i think i can get away with, tho if i don't believe i can or there's a possibility of consequences i'm normally pretty cautious of it... and ya i think authority isn't always right, and not all rules should be followed, some are stupid and some are plan wrong, and i will break rules if i think i know better, i think the rule is stupid, or a genuinely don't care about said rule, tho i know how far i can go there's some lines i won't cross bc i know their's gonna be bad consequences
anyways thank you for listening to my rant i know i did a lot of yapping and i didn't go back to see if it was written nicely, if you where able to read all dat your a legend bc i know i would give up after the first 2 paragraphs, and if you have any questions that you need me to elaborate on before you can type me go ahead

I've had this happen way too many times, i met someone, we hit it off, we become super close, they know everything about me but i don't know anything about them, i realize it's because they refuse to tell me anything about their life, i find out about big stuff in their life through other people, they stop talking to me out of the sudden and then months later (usually when classes start) they talk to me as if nothing happens and i just pretend i wasn't incredibly hurt. Optionally, i might try to hang out with them only for them to refuse, or say they're extremelly busy and then post stories of hanging out with someone else.
I've had true friends along the years no doubt, some went from true friends to the type i just mentioned, it hurts incredibly hard when i realize the dynamic, yet i can't stay away from it because i've becomed too attached to the person.
My best friend got hospitalized, i had several people ask me about it, i found out through insta stories and a classmate they were in a group project with, i asked what hospital they were at to visit her and if they needed anything, she shut me off and said their parents were travelling to see them, after that complete radio silence and some post they sent me at 5 am about a birding trip (birds are my special interest).
Today we were making groups for a class we were together in, i didn't know when they'd be out of the hospital so i asked them if they'd want to join so they would't have to do a lot of catching up once they were back (it was a class i liked so i had no problem making most of the work), plus i didn't have anyone else i knew in that class so i put us together.
Later i got a test of them asking me if i was fucking stupid, that how tf where they supposed to do anything from the hospital and they would not be out for weeks (did not know that), and more stuff like that. I had a shutdown after that because of how awful i felt for asking, obviously i had to hid it because it would be even worse if someone noticed i was mad with my friend who is at the hospital, so i left early since i was too overwhelmed to not cry in class.
I quickly realised how i barely know anything about that friend, most of what i know was from them telling other people. Even once they were complaining about having this exact dynamic with another friend, and i called them out, they said that they did not want to overwhelm me with their baggage. I'm so used to one sided friendships that i could not tell my only current friendship was like this and now it hurts so much, i started getting suicidal thoughts but again, i did not want to make a big scandal while my friend is at the hospital, i don't want to mess stuff even more but it hurts so bad.
Just needed to vent i guess, i had a verbal shutdown and still can't speak, now i have to go to dinner with my aunts and one of them is kinda ableist, for context got asked by my mom to avoid being too disruptive (aka autism) when she visited to avoid trouble... so yeah i can't really catch a break.
On the bright side, since i had to walk home in the dark, i was able to catch the night heron near my house, it was cute

So, I'm an RBT, and also a school paraprofessional for a student who's aggressive and says a lot of verbally inappropriate things. School and my agency knows I'm an RBT, and is hoping I apply behavior knowledge but knowing they can't officially ask me to use RBT or CPI procedures, but they can't get a school based para to stay with him who follows their training due to extreme risk. A lot of the kid's goals are of the verbiage, "will keep hands to himself...", "will not verbally aggress..." And I see the necessity of them, but also, if you visually compare to the behavior of the other kids, it's normal. I see kids all day faking throwing each other into doors WWE style, kids calling each other the N word with a hard r, even white kids, F slur on everyone, "roast battles", where kids degrade each other in ways I struggle not to find hilariously fitting of a Comedy Central roast. Most of his physicality starts by looking indistinguishable from his peers, usually an arm around the neck, or on a kid's shoulders, then after some sort of misunderstanding of a joke, or of his scripting taken as literal statement, he ends up punching a kid. He once was told "your hairline jacked." And replied "don't make me use the chaos emerald on you." (From Sonic?). Then he did a power up stance, and jumped on the other kid. My student doesn't seem to really grasp that other kids aren't scripting, and doesn't seem to grasp that he's saying things that we shouldn't say if we we're not scripting (ex.: "I'm going to obliterate you" from Dragon Ball Z, or performing an idle animation fighting stance from a game.) He's also still playing pretend with other neurodivergent friends while going onto 13 years old, like still pretending to get frozen. How do I shape behavior to be socially relevant when it's "physical but not too physical", "insult someone, but don't attack x,y,z." I'm of the personal belief that consent is golden, fight club rules at the extreme, but if you ask school officials, all the kids are wrong technically, but they can't afford the staff or energy to stop or punish them all. It would be inequitable to go harder on my student because he has a 1:1, but outside of an environment where he's known he's going to face repercussions. I also can't model the behavior for him. I've gone so far as dropping some swears "you can't hit kids just cuz they say dumb sh*t, it's gonna happen." And it's gotten some rapport out of him, but I can't model like: "Bish yo roots be the only part of you fatter than yo hippo a$$." -a quote I swear.

I recently saw an independent film : the peoples joker w / vera drew with my polycule and it was truly amazing.
at the q&a session the creator jokingly answered a silly question like "how do stay humble knowing you created the queer 'citizen kane'? they said, :well, I was raised catholic so it's hard for me to believe anybody would like me."...
first of all lol
second of all HOW RELATABLE...
it had me wondering how many individuals struggle with shame and guilt around sex ,relationships, issues with self esteem, but were also raised catholic / christian.. but are now not religious at all.
what was your journey like and how did you establish a sense of safety around sex and polyamory?
How did you redefine your life when everything you were taught seemed "wrong"?
Yes I work with a therapist on personal issues like this. Mostly just looking to hear others stories and what worked for you.
thanks for reading and please be kind:)

I love reading classic literature, specifically works from the 19th century, so I wanted to write a fan work for this game with that feeling:
“You are quite ridiculous!” came the vivacious and teasing voice of one student passing by the open window. This declaration was answered by the distinct and familiar laughter of another, carried on the autumn wind and drenched in the odor of decaying foliage and the promise of rain.
From his seat in the west wing of the library, parchment and tomes stacked beside him, Ominis Gaunt followed the sound until it vanished completely beyond the courtyard, sensations of uneasy feeling coloring his neck and ears. After a pause, he regained his senses. He shook his head, as if banishing the regretful thought that had then stolen into his mind.
“Why does he keep volunteering himself on her behalf?” He whispered, thinking of the owner of that feminine voice – a new fifth-year student at Hogwarts - an anomaly on its own merit - who had, in half the time succeeding her arrival, attained the magnetic affections of his oldest friend, Sebastian Sallow. “Of course - it’s because she’s new and decidedly beautiful.” Ominis told himself, merely speculating on the state of her physiognomy by the lilting cadence of her voice and the faint wisps of form his wand could communicate to him at a distance. Being blind since birth, he, out of necessity, had developed a magical ‘seeing eye' with the ebony tool he now pressed between his right forefinger and the book in his lap.
He hadn’t dared approach her directly when she’d first entered the Slytherin common room a month prior, for a frenzy of students had erupted around her the moment she’d set foot in it. From there, rumors spread like bees pollinating a garden after a long and depressing winter:
“The new girl had a ministry escort!”
“She was attacked by a dragon!”
“No, she rode the dragon!”
“Supposedly she was a squib before…”
“That can’t be - I heard she's a transfer student and can speak seven languages!”
“That’s a cover - her real secret was that she was privately tutored and has rare and explosively dangerous magic!”
These accounts became increasingly absurd because no one truly knew anything for certain, thus making everything possible. The girl herself was peculiarly private but charmingly polite - a combination that instantly made any would-be-pryer retreat into stuttering awkwardness. They did at the very least glean her name, which quickly became the subject of their fantastical speculations: Mélisande Clarusia Warwick.
From within his pocket, Ominis retrieved the note Sebastian’s owl had delivered him that day:
“Ominis,
Apologies for the abrupt change of plans, but our anticipated study session this afternoon must be postponed. Professor Weasley has graciously requested I accompany ‘MC’ to Hogsmeade for the replenishment of her class supplies, a task I’m sure you know I could hardly decline, given my inclination towards gentlemanly conduct. Incidentally, I cannot help but suspect Mel’s humble dismissal of her exceptional dueling prowess belies a deliberate modesty; there is undoubtedly more to her than meets the eye.
Regardless, I’ll make it up to you! If I’m not in the common room by nightfall, you know where to find me.
Sebastian.”
It did not escape Ominis’s notice that Sebastian, after weathering defeat by her in a duel during their first Defense Against the Dark Arts class together, had taken personal interest in MC and even dubbed her as such - among other names - needling her about the verbose nature of her formal title. Further, it was uncharacteristic of Sebastian to cancel a study session, seeing as he typically made any excuse to visit the library on behalf of research for his ill sister, Anne… nevermind the fact that Ominis could not recall any instance in recent memory where Sebastian had canceled on him, specifically.
After a moment’s hesitation, he refined the creases on the letter and tucked it back into the pocket of his waistcoat. He swallowed, brows furrowing and found that he no longer cared about the dancing plague of 1518 or the other contents of the book he’d since abandoned on his lap.
Sebastian did not come to dinner that evening. In customary fashion, Ominis found himself solitary - twiddling his fork on his plate - his company forsaken even by his housemates, who tended to cast upon him looks of cautious regard. They granted him a wide berth - huddling together three or four invisible student’s places apart from him. Through the soles of his shoes he felt the vibrations of doors slamming across the hall as students filtered out and the bench beneath him shifted when those occupying it left. The idle chatter of two teachers drifted across the cavernous room. Ominis sighed, folding a leaf of wax paper over a blueberry muffin.
“She was missing too…” he noted passively and wondered if he ought to have purloined a second muffin from the banquet table.
He held his wand aloft as he rose, a crimson bead of light fluttering like a heartbeat on its tip. The sensation of structures - rows of oak tables and benches - extended across the space before him. As he walked, he approximated the mass of these objects: how near they existed to his kneecaps, how firmly they were anchored to the floor - all actions thoughtlessly natural to him.
The passageway led from the Great Hall into the Viaduct Courtyard and a faint chill heralded that twilight had fallen upon the surrounding landscape. The tumult of student life had withdrawn for the night, taking with them a clamor of distracting noises and smells. Ominis meditated on the silence, finding solace in measuring the rhythm of his footfalls as he paced across the leaf-littered earth.
He imagined Sebastian with his freckled nose buried in a book in the Undercroft and smiled.
“It’s not the first time he’s worked through dinner,” he reminded himself. “Anne is lucky to have such a brother.” A pang of sadness worked dully at his chest following the mention of Anne’s name. Nothing had been quite like it was since before she’d fallen ill. “Even Sebastian’s laughter seems contrived these days.”
Suddenly a thunderous crack echoed across the hillside to his right, akin to a bolt of lightning striking a tree. Ominis jolted so forcefully that he nearly dropped the muffin in his left hand.
“W-what was that?” He gasped, his head swimming with adrenaline. The atmosphere reeked of burnt timber. Swiftly, he sought the protection of the cloister, his wand hand sweeping the clearing.
The path beneath his feet dropped into a series of stairs ending where the Black Lake licked the limestone and wooden boats rocked innocently in the building below. To the muggle, prepared to dismiss the absence of petrichor, this artificial thunderstroke might have signified a distant storm but Ominis knew well the vast and formidable traits of magic.
Someone was dashing up the stairs to his left - their feet tapping like raindrops on the hard surface. Ominis pressed himself plumb against the column and held his breath.
Her scent preceded her - like honeysuckle, mild and sweet. Following closely, the sound of her breath, quick and shallow, as though from a brisk sprint. The swish of her robes marked her entrance, swift and fleeting. In a moment, she vanished through the nearest castle door, oblivious to the presence of an onlooker.
Ominis found himself immobilized by his perplexity. He had, he was sure, sensed some great surge of energy, unlike any he had previously encountered, as she glided past him. An enigmatic metallic tang lingered on her garments, its quality imprinted on his senses. As he reviewed the day’s - no - the month’s occurrences and considered Sebastian’s recent preoccupation, a daring notion began to take root in his mind:
The new girl was forging a novel strain of magic.

Okay, fourth rewrite, I'm making this in hopes that their is someone who can help me in some way. Maybe someone knows the answer to it all and can guide me, though unlikely. I'll just list out all my issues in seperate paragraphs and hopefully their is just someone out their to help, if you can help me just please do, I really need help or at least someone and you reading this and giving me advice would truly mean a lot to me. Anyways
I feel stupid: I honestly feel braindead, I hate my mind so much. Sometimes it's hard to think or do, sometimes I can't think or do. My mind is so numb, everything about my mind just feels wrong and dead. My mind has felt dead for a year or two now and I just wish it was alive, I want my mind to be normol, I want it to actually work. I also want confidence in my mind, any failure or lack of underatanding makes me defeated and feeling like a dunce. Anything I can do I say was just luck or something anyone should know. I don't know if I'm stupid or not but dam I feel like I am the dumbest in a room. I would give it all to be intelliegent, I wish I was smart, well read, well informed, well versed. I so desperately want to know, so desperately want to be smart. I wish I could understand stuff. I just want to be smart and have a bright alive mind, but my mind is so dead and desolate and compared to the rest worthless. I hit myself in my head whenever I'm mistaken or just feel so stupid, and I honestly deserve it. If I were to kill myself my mind being numb and stupid would be the reason or a big reason why, I just want to be smart. You can likely tell just how much of an idiot I am by reading this via grammer, spelling, complaints. That "likely" was meant to be "probaboly" but I'm just stupid and worthless to spell. If there was just a way to be smart and not such a moron, I fucking hate my life.
I have body issues: I without doubt have body issues, the biggest of which is my weight. As of now I am 5,9 (1.7M) and 211lbs (95.7KG), I was 246lbs (111kg) to begin with and it was also my heaviest. Despite losing a good amount of weight I am not happy and have no pride, I'm still fat and thats all I see sadly. I don't want to be fat or skinny, I want to be muscular:big arms, built chest, flat stomach, no abs (don't like them) that sounds appealing, it's what I want. Unfourtunely I as of now can't work to this goal, I don't have money for a gym or equipment, famliy funds can't do it ethier and awhile ago I turned down a weight bench since I wasn't confident, now I regret that choice. I hate being fat so much, and this deep hatred and desperation has led to a embarassing cycle, for two years now I have been downloading images of muscular bodies. They're all drawings or from videogames since I'm to embarresed to have real images and as mentioned it's a cycle, Download and store -> have them and look at them for awhile -> get ashamed of myself -> purge it all -> regret -> repeat. Like stated this has been going for two years and as of now I have ten different images. Apart from weight I also have some other physical insecurites, acne being a big one. I been suffering from acne for years, fifth grade, early sixth grade is when it started so five years of this. It mostly effects my chin and cheeks badly but also effects more of my face, sometimes the acne hurts and it often even bleeds. I hate touching my face and feeling grime and ripping off a bunch of skin and dried shit. I wash every night and try to be frequent with morning witch-hazel but it dosen't relent. I also hate it when it gets mentioned, it is irratating to be reminded and noticed and nobody points it out more then my own mom who also cliams it would go if I just washed. I do, I fucking do! It's not working and you don't understand that! I also have body acne I don't know how to fix, I like sleeping shirtless which I know is the reason, also inconsistent with bedding which isn't right. Even if I did wash sheets weekly it wouldn't be enough, I would still get acne on my body. I just want to sleep shirtless and not get acne, I wish I could find a way. Another insecurite but not really is my height, I don't mind being 5'9/5'10 I mean it's about average height and I beat out my 5'4 father. But I'm sixteen which mean I still have possibilty to get taller and I wonder, will I? If I do, just how tall? Could I reach 6'0+? All of this speculation makes me a bit insecure, also with being fat I look short and round in the mirror which is defeating. I'm secure besides speculation and weight but at the same time I truly want to be taller, I think any man tall or short wishes they were taller, I wish I could break 6'0 that would be cool (to me). But I don't think that will ever happen, my dad is 5'4, my mom is 5'6 I made it 5'9/5'10 and my chart is stagnating, should just stop thinking I'll get taller. Another phsyical insecurite and likely the last one I'll mention unless I think of another worthwhile one is my hair, I'm insecurie of my hairstyle. Or lack of hairstyle, my mom says I have independence in this choice but whenever I make a choice she complains about it. Any agreement is one sided or changed up a little so she likes it. I have always hated my hairstyles over the years, even now and as of now it's ethier her way or a unorgainzied thick mess that will soon be her way. I hate it, wish I could make my own "independent" choice, even if I could my mom would likely hate it and always bring it up which is something I don't want to deal with. My mom is more for short cuts and fades etc, I hate fades and while I do admire short hair have always taken liking to shagger and longer styles, more rugged style. I have also always liked long hair and even wanted it. I used to openly want long hair for a long time but my mom opposed, I tried to convince her but she was opposed. She wasn't only opposed to it she made sure to express that it was gay and feminine etc, etc. She made me close off and forgot the desire but even now she won't let go. She is so sure to tell everyone: famliy, her friends, the hairdresser, hell maybe even strangers, she tells everyone about how much I wanted it and what she thought of it etc. Often I have been embarresed like this while I was right there, I have expressed that this embarreses me and want it to stop mutiple times yet she'll continue almost as if it's purposeful, she will also bring up an old friend T who had long hair as an example of it looking bad. But he didn't take care of it or do anything, most he would do is give into his moms begging and have her brush it. If I had long hair I would actually take care of it and do stuff to it! She also claims I got the idea from him, but no I liked it since elementary being inspired by personal inkling and rock. I no longer want hair but am starting to find styles I really like, but first I need to get my mom to fuck off. And second I would want to grow a beard, which is another issue of mine. I'm sixteen I shouldn't expect a full beard but I have seen peers with actual good facial hair, patchy beards, five o'clocks, some actually have a beard. Then there is me, with some sideburns and a bunch of peachfuzz, I want to be able to grow a beard and the peachfuzz plus sideburns bother me, I want it to actually devlop, I want a beard. I am also worried about devlopment, worried acne will hurt or even stop growth. I'm upset about my lack of growth though I definetly have unrealistic expectations. Lastly with hair is my chest hair, I'm quite hairy and I like it. And I have chest hair but barely and I just wish I had more over a greater coverage, more of a funny insecurite, lol. One more insecurity I forgot about is my voice. I'm loud when talking and my voice isn't as deep as I wish so that sucks.
(copy and paste from older write) I wish I had a father: I don't have a father or any form of father figure, I'm fatherless and it hurts a lot. My father has been out of my life since I was elevenish/twelveish (the peak of covid passed), we kicked him out because he is and was a meth addict in and out of the jail. He was a fuctioning addict so not violent and not as obvious of an addict but the meth still took him over. My mother says she kept him around and gave him so many chances because she wanted him to be in my life as a father. But he was no father when he was around, he didn't parent me, he didn't play his role as a father and guide as a masculine role model, hell he likely didn't even truly care for me. My only memories of him really are going to McDonold's with him, after which he dumpster dived behind the plaza as I begged for us to go back home. Or me wanting to bond with him so he sets up the brilliant idea of dragging me around with his skechy friends, to skechy places, even at skechy times. I don't understand why I knew sooner, guess I was a stupid basterd but I started picking up that my dad was a bad person around fifth grade. By then I quickly found out more and more and tenstion was growing, by eleven we we're going to kick him out but covid struck it's height and our household seemed palpable. But very quickly we said fuck it and threw him to the curb, we weren't going to have it no longer. Soon after around thirteen I was happy that he was gone but slightly disappointed that I no longer had a father (even if he was useless) and I hoped my mom would find someone, not only for herself but for me. By fourteen this really layed in heavy on me and the lack of a father really bummed me out, I got really stupid and desperate using bitlife to create guys then add me and my mom in to create step father famlies even adding step siblings and shit. By late fourteen it was made clear to me by my mom that "we don't need no man" and that she was done with dating. I very well do need a father figure, every child needs one. Hell I as a guy truly need(ed) one, there are so many lessons and things that come from a fatheson relationship that are crucial to a boy and I missed out on them. Hell even when my dad was around I missed out on lessons, I still remember he was tasked to teach me how to tie my shoes but got mad at me struggling and walked away. He refused to help afterward and I refused to try and never to this day learned the proper way to tie, instead I have my own far less efficent method. I missed out on so much by not having a father and it hurts to know that and I just wish I had the knowledge, without a masculine role model I have definetly missed out what it is to be a man and likely am even a loser of a man. I just want a father so badly, I want what a father provides so badly, I want the bond that it comes with. I wish I just had a guy to talk to and bond with, I want a dad just so badly. I wish I had someone who taught me how to change a tire or fish and all that shit, but I'll never have it and it angers me, I am angry to be fatherless, I am angry and lost without a father figure, and I'm jealous. I kind of want to have children when the time comes, I wonder if I'll fail them as well.
Friends: Growing up I was always a bit introverted, I think it was of my nature but was amplafied by life. In elementary I often acquainted myself with people never having any close friends outside my after school program. Jumping to middle school I had a good friend-group but it turned out my good friend T was really an ass and I was pushed out by him in early nineth grade. Later in nineth I met my good friend, my best friend M. This year in tenth I was introduced to a friend named D by M. These are my only two friends and I'm happy with them, though there are a few issues. Not anything major but just a few things, like how we never do anything outside of school. The only thing I really miss about my old friendgroup is that we actually did shit: springs, houses, events, parks, attractions, food. Now me, M and, D don't and have never done anything outside of school and the computer. M likely couldn't do anything because of his famliy and D just seems completely disinterested and worried about money. But I wish we could really do something, sure videogames are fun but it would be fun if we could just goof off somewhere, be stupid. This is really the only general "issue" apart from that no major strain or issue in the friendgroup. But I do have a few personal grievences, starting with D. I think D has a darker side of him, he seems to not respect or care for me and will sometimes show it in nasty ways. He had told both me and M to kill ourselves, he attacks insecurites, he says rude shit, etc. Also with D, we have never truly connected, never gotten to know each other personally. Without M we would be mere acquaintance, M is the only reason why me and D are friends and being alone with each other is mostly silence and maybe him showing me a TikTok. Then M, I have no personal issues with M only small factors of our friendship I'm upset or worried about. Starting off with is school, halfway through this year (tenth) M started a FLVS-hybrid. I am happy for him and it's something we both expressed wanting but now I never really see him. I could see him at lunch but he dosen't really come in and only other time I can see him is leaving campus. I ethier catch him and barely have a conversation worthwhile or he's to far ahead and I got to give up trying to reach him. The only way to talk to my best friend nowadays really is Discord, and that isn't even reliable since his parents are often controlling the WI-FI or taking his stuff away. This means when I do talk to my friend it can suddenly be ended as he disconnects or I can't even. This sucks, it feels like I can't even talk to my best friend that much. But that isn't all, because I'm worried for my friend M. His parents don't sound the best from all he's told me, I won't share his issues but just as an example he didn't have a bedroom for two months. Hearing what we gose through is alreadly dishearting but something that I worry deeply about is him talking sucide. He has talked and half joked about it several times and it's worry, I been trying to discourage but he continues with it so now I'm just trying to ignore it. That is likely the wrong way of handling it but I just don't know what to do. I hope it's always bluff and he moves out and moves on with he can, I don't want him to kill himself.
I'm lonely: I'm sixteen but I'm lonely. I am the only one of my friends who hasn't had a relationship, I am not the most worried about that, I don't want to date just to date, I want to date to love. But hell I still wish I had a relationship, even just a sterotypical high-school one. But what I truly want is true love, I want a woman I love with all my heart and a woman who loves me with all of hers, I want a woman to provide for, to protect, to matter to. I want to marry and possibly have kids. I want to love someone, be there for someone. But will I ever even have that? I'm alreadly a loser who no woman would want and even then from what I've heard, "modren dating is terrible" so what chance do I even have? Will I ever have someone to love? I hope.
School: School makes me so misereble and dead, this place makes me genuinely want to off myself I hate it so much. And it seems to revolve around my whole life, even at home it's all my mom wants to bring up. I just need a break from it all but it seems like it's the only thing in my life, I don't really have anything else. I failed my nineth grade year, I failed since I'm a stupid, worthless peice of shit. But they "passed" me onto tenth, gave me tenth grade classes, test, etc but say I'm still nineth, tell me do nineth grade "remedation" online. Now I'm failing like a worthless peice of shit once again! I wish they held me back to try again but they didn't they just pushed me on, still likely would've failed like a worthless bitch but I could have had a chance. I fucking hate myself I'm so stupid and I hate my school for pushing my stupid ass onward and onward, I should just kill myself at this point. And when I try to reach out to my counselor in any hope for some chance of help the piss poor communcation at this school means it'll take days for a response, I can't even get reliable help over school. Back in middle school I had a GPA in the high 3s, I made honor roll every other quater or so, I had high grades and sucess. But in high-school, in nineth grade I failed with straight Fs and got a GPA of 0.7, now in tenth I have a 1.7 and sometimes get high grades but mostly fail. I just wish I wasn't so stupid, I just wish I was smart and successful at school. But I'm not, I'm a fucking idiot and an embarssment at school. And maybe it would all be okay if it wasn't for the assholes I am surrounded by, my fellow peers of this overcrowded hell hole. Just seems like I can never catch a break with having to deal with people. I just want to be left alone but they're is just always somebody wanting to bother me, harass me. Can sit at a desk then have a bunch of cunts around me, harass me, call me burgundy because of my shirt. Can sit down and be snickered at by the guys in front of me for whatever reason. Sit down and have paper, pencils, even ice hitting me. Sit down and have some imbecible pull up a chair and use my desk as his and block me in my seat because fuck me, am I right? Just want to be left alone but never am, nobody ever dose it's always something. I can't even get respect, not a single bit, just always mistreated. Hell just the other day when I was given my packet I was also mistakenly given the packet of a nearby girl, I get her attention and hand it to her and she just snaches it and mumbles something, because I can't even be respected, I'm worthless. And even when I'm not being directly bothered I got to deal with slow walkers, idiots who don't know how to inconvience everyone else in the halls, the over crowded school. It all fucking sucks I hate it all, everyday I think I'm on the verge of snapping but somehow just have more patience, I don't know how much more of this shit I can or have to endure. At least my mom finally reconsidered my old forgotten pleads for online school and reopened the idea, maybe by some miracle online school will save me and "help me get caught up and ahead" but I doubt it, I'm an idiot who deserves to die. Why am I so fucking stupid, why am I like this? Why must I exist this way?
No hobbies or interest: I used to love a lot of things: reading, history, coming up with things in my head, videogames and, anything really. Now I have grown apathic to it all except videogames and even that dosen't bring much joy. I want to have my old hobbies back but lack the will to return. And I want new hobbies but yet lack will but also lacking knowing what I want to try. I'm lost with my freetime, it's all bleek and I want to fill my life with pastion. I still love videogames, always will but I need more then just gaming, I want more then gaming. I just want something, anything. I don't want to have such a lack of interest, God I fucking hate my life.
I have no future career goals: I'm sixteen and have no idea on what I want to do as an adult, some may say thats okay but it's not, not for me at least. I want to have a goal in the adult world, and even if that goal led to a path I don't like then I can always go down another path. Despite having no idea on what to do I at least know I don't want to be in an office. I could handle an office job, and be content with an office job but an office job isn't me, it isn't what sounds interesting, I would likely do blue collar or be my own boss. Some jobs I've considered and would do still are: police, SWAT police, house flipper, 911 operator, port worker, mechanic or something tinkeassemble like, enterpuner my book, film and games ideas or, open a store or bar or something. These are some jobs I've considered in the past that I would still see myself doing, I have also pondered over military/reserve but not sure. My childhood dream career that I still have a desire for is SWAT but I don't think I have what it takes, in fact I don't think I have what it takes for anything. I think all my life is destined to is dying homeless on a street corner, it's all I'll ever be "worthless".
I had so much planned, now failed: At age fourteen I planned to by now have a license, a job, a banking account, start savings. I planned to lose weight, I planned to have an idea outside of school, I had a plan. But I'm just a worthless peice of shit and a failure to myself, I don't even have a permit, no job, no savings, still fat, have no idea about the future, I failed myself.
Fidgeting: I can't stop but want to, at school I can't help but twiral a pencil around. I do it all the time at school but been trying to stop, I hate doing it. Worst part is I'm being immated by worthless cunts by it which is annoying. I want to stop this.
Masterbation addiction: I have a severe and low life addiction to masterbation. I do it at least once a day and sometimes mutiple times a day. The longest I was ever able to refrain was just a little over a week and only failed because I got bored. I need to jerk it to be able to sleep unless I'm desperately tired but even then. Also since I "need" it to sleep I regulary soil my sweatpants then sleep in it which is nasty. I can't control this vice, this low appetite and I'm deeply unhappy about it. Also unhappy that I might be ruining my endurence, a bit TMI but just another reason why this is harmful. I want to refrain or atleast drasticly cut out this pratice and fix myself.
I likely have more issues eating me inside as I waste away as a shell of a person but I can't really think of them. I am told my mom is looking into thearpy so that might be nice. Please just help me, I'm so lost and broken, I sometimes consider just ending it all but I just hope it can get good.

Looking for easy lunch options that are relatively healthy. I don’t want to meal prep, have leftovers, prepare anything. I feel like I work hard enough during the day I don’t even want to think about lunch. Just something to pop in the microwave or even eat cold that will get me through the rest of the day. Packing lunch is my least favorite activity in my life so I want something that takes all thought out of it lmao. Just mainly trying to avoid stopping at McDonalds or the gas station and spending $20+ per day on junk lunches at work. What ya got?

Hey everyone,
I’m hoping to get some advice here, so bear with me as this is a bit of a long story. I got hit with a 5-year ban at the U.S. border because the officer thought I was trying to reunite with my ex-wife and get a job through her. Just to give some context, I was on a B1/B2 5-year visit visa, living and working in the UK, and this was my first time visiting the U.S. since my divorce.
So, here's the backstory: I got married to a U.S. citizen, and we initially planned to go through the spouse visa process. But unfortunately, things went south because of her infidelity while I was in the UK. We decided to get divorced, and since she’s a lawyer, the whole process was pretty quick. Everything was done over Zoom; I wasn’t even present in court due to some engagements, but it didn’t really matter since all the paperwork was signed and the Zoom court session was just a formality. For reference, we weren’t even married for a year, though we dated for over three years before deciding to tie the knot, hoping to be together.
I moved to the UK for my MSc while waiting for the visa process, but the distance and her infidelity took a toll, and she asked for a divorce, likely to move on with someone new. I didn’t object. We finalized our divorce and went our separate ways. I continued with my MSc program in the UK, and though we were apart, we still had each other’s numbers and stayed in touch occasionally.
Fast forward to me deciding to give the U.S. visit visa a try, and I got it. In our conversations, I mentioned to her that I got the visa and was planning a trip to the U.S. This led to us talking more, and she kept suggesting ways for me to stay in the country, even sending me daily U.S. job applications to apply for from the UK. On the day I was supposed to fly to the U.S., she offered to pick me up from the airport, and I didn’t see any harm in that since I thought we were still good friends despite the divorce.
But things went south at the border. The immigration officer questioned me hard about my visit, took my phone, and saw our conversations. It ended with me getting deported back to the UK and slapped with a 5-year U.S. ban. This whole experience was a massive blow to my mental health. I got seriously depressed, and to top it off, my ex-wife messaged me later saying she was cutting all ties with me and then blocked me.
I haven’t fully recovered from the depression caused by all this. Every time I think about how it all went down, I get really sad. Recently, my ex-wife reached out again to tell me she’s remarried to someone in the U.S. I’m back in the UK, trying to rebuild my life and see what I can do here since I have legal status, but I can’t help feeling down about the whole situation.
My experience at the U.S. border was traumatic; I even spent a night in a holding cell before being sent back. My ex-wife suggested I move on with my life and maybe seek help from communities like this to figure out how to overturn the visa ban.
I’m slowly getting my life back on track, but I really want to overturn the 5-year ban and don’t even know where to start. I’m also considering applying for a Canada PR visa from the UK or even trying the visit visa again, but having this ban hanging over me is really affecting me. I’m feeling depressed and struggling to move forward.
Any advice or guidance you all could offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

I am sending a letter to her tomorrow morning. I've run in by and warned everyone else in my family. My good sister, my mom, and my wife. I also asked a couple of friends for advice. You can read what started this in my last post. But I will include her last message here because I am mostly responding to that.
BPDsis message- "I’m sorry that you hate me, and I wish you were able to see the good things I try to do. I am a good person and I only want the best for everyone. I’m not attacking you for imperfections and I try my best to allow room for error in people and understand that everyone is just doing the best they can to survive in this world. I will continue to do the best I can to help or assist everyone to the best of my ability. If you suspect that I’m doing something out of spite or anger then I request you approach me about it and give me the opportunity to defend myself bc a lot of problems that go unaddressed lead to bigger problems that could have been resolved in the beginning."
Here is the letter I'm sending her. I've changed her name to BPDsis.
My response-
"You're only sorry I hate you because of how it's affecting you. Not because of the terrible things you've done. The "good things" are always thrown back in my face to be used for your gain. Like when you picked up the garbage downstairs. Then you bitched to mom that I didn't help you load it while I was sick. Even though I said I'd do it myself later I'm the week! You didn't give me much grace there and you sure attacked my imperfections. You're two faced BPDsis. It's always to further your own goals and to manipulate others to do your bidding. It's not genuine.
You are not a good person, not by any metric I'd use. Maybe in your head, where you're always the victim. But what's in your head isn't reality. You cause fights all the time and you say the worst things you can possibly think of and that's not just me saying that. You have destroyed every relationship in your life. You told uncle you hoped his wife would leave him and take everything he had. Is that helping the family? You bullied and traumatized goodsis to the point CPS was going to take her away and that bullying didn't stop once you were adults. Everyone is done with your shit. and you're well on your way to destroying your relationship with your daughters. The only ones who tolerate you are your Dad because he's hundreds of miles away from your bullshit and BPDsis' friends because they get you to do things for them. Everyone just keeps quiet to keep your cross hairs off them. Maybe you should examine yourself more, before everyone reaches the point where I am. Especially your children. That's my hope, that you'll read this and for once actually think about how your actions affect someone else. You'll see your toxicity spelled out in no uncertain terms and change for the better. So that you can have a healthy relationship in the short time we have on this planet. If not for your sake, for your girl's.
You're trying to be the victim. I'm not buying it. You aren't the victim BPDsis. you have done nothing but hurt this family and the things you've done to "help" whether with good intentions or not are marred by worries that you'll fuck us over or use it to manipulate us. Almost every giant fight can be traced back to you. We may have been dysfunctional without you. But you bring out the worst in everyone. You're sick and need help.
And why would I feel comfortable coming to "talk things out" with you. You're not my friend and as far as I'm concerned you're not my sister. The only effective strategy I've found to dealing with you is to avoid you. My whole life has been everyone tip-toeing around you so they don't get attacked. The problem isn't how I or anyone else interprets your actions. It's YOUR actions.
I've accepted that you'll never change. A lot of times I feel pity for you. Your BPD and alcoholism isn't your fault. But, you've never once tried to meaningfully overcome them. All I want now is to be away from you. I don't want you in my life at all and I don't want you in my child's life. I've tried so hard and for so long for BPDsis' girls alone. I love them with all my heart. But you've used them as leverage since I was 13. I didn't even do anything when you stopped letting me see them. It was a fight between you and mom. But I guess you knew it'd hurt mom more if I wasn't allowed to see them either. You tried to keep them away again the last few months too. Honestly, I was just glad you weren't around. It made me realize, I don't have to live with your craziness. I deserve better than that. And if it means I have to sacrifice a relationship with my nieces until they're 18. It'll be the hardest thing I'll ever do. But I'll do what I have to do for me, my wife, and my baby.
I hope this is a wake-up call to get help."
Let me know if you have any advice before I send it. I'll try and update tomorrow after I send it.

So my boyfriend and I just broke up. We dated for about 6 months and then things started to go weird. We went back and forth a bit but he ended up deciding he wanted to be single to figure out his own stuff and hopefully work on himself so he could be better in the relationship down the road.
A week post break my old ex boyfriend reached out to me out of nowhere and basically said he misses me and still wants to be with me. Me and this ex have a lot of history we dated on and off for almost 4 years, lived together, did long distance, etc. he would be considered the avoidant type that struggle with commitment when to much started to go on in life. He says now he’s ready for it but idk if I entirely believe him. Actions speak louder than words.
My problem now is I could see myself being with either of these guys. My most recent ex is the kind of man who does want a future in the same way I do and we have lots in common. He has a good heart and he hasn’t burned a bridge with me a million times. But he’s also not with me right now lol. The older ex is much different then me but we share this insane connection I’ve never had with someone else, I know he wants the same future as me but idk if he’s really ready for it. I feel like I love both of these men and I don’t know what to do. (My older ex knows about the new guy and that we recently broke up - he didn’t know that when he contacted me though, he told me he wants me to be with the other guy if that’s what’s going to make me happy because he knows he had his chances, but if it doesn’t work out he says he’s waiting for me)
I’m just so overwhelmed and confused and I don’t even know who to talk to about it because I know my friends and family will think I’m crazy. I know they would tell me to find someone else and ditch both of them because maybe they both aren’t ready but it’s hard to ignore both these wonderful people. Granted right now my recent ex doesn’t want to be in a relationship but the other guy doesn’t even live here at the moment so I’m not sure I’m even supposed to do anything about it. I just don’t understand what the universe is trying to teach me by doing this 😭

"Music explains itself. It is the road and the map that shows the road."
"Can you explain how music works without using music?"
That brought me up short.

BLUF: Kvothe knows the name of music.
When Elodin is teaching Kvothe about naming, we have this discussion about how there are some things that can't be explained and that naming helps us to understand them anyway.

"The majority of important things cannot be said outright," Elodin said. "They cannot be made explicit. They can only be implied." He looked... around the lecture hall. "Name something that cannot be explained."
...
"Naming?" Fenton asked.
"That is a cheap answer Re'lar," Elodin said with a hint of reproach. "But you correctly anticipate the theme of my lecture so we will let it slide." He pointed at me.
"There isn't anything that can't be explained," I said firmly. "If something can be understood, it can be explained. A person might not be able to do a good job of explaining it. But that just means it's hard, not that it's impossible."
Elodin held up a finger. "Not hard or impossible. Merely pointless. Some things can only be inferred." He gave me an infuriating smile. "By the way, your answer should have been music."
"Music explains itself," I said. "It is the road and it is the map that shows the road. It is both together."
"But can you explain how music works?" Elodin asked.
"Of course," I said. Though I wasn't sure of any such thing.
"Can you explain how music works without using music?"
That brought me up short.

To dig a bit deeper, let's go to the frame story.

...he added a small, frightened silence to the larger, hollow one. They made an alloy of sorts, a harmony.
"...and the final ring was without name."

So Kvothe knows the name of something that has no name. Speaking the name of a thing which has no name leaves only... silence. Which can apparently create harmonies. To be clear, I don't think actual silence is the name of music, because that doesn't make sense, it's not a name. I think that silence is needed to heaknow the name of music because music is its own name. Maybe not all of it, not every piece, but music's name can only be "spoken" through music.
Okay whatever, fairly flimsy, I know, but for the sake of argument assume I'm right. How does Kvothe know the name of music? Yes he's a very accomplished musician, but there are many more who are as or more accomplished even just in Imre. To know a name, you need to learn about a thing for days, weeks, sometimes years. Long enough that your sleeping mind awakens and absorbs all that there is to know about it. If only there was a period of Kvothe's life where his waking mind was asleep and he did nothing but play music for hours on end...

...my mind used the first door [the door of sleep] to numb the pain. The wound was covered until the proper time for healing could come. In self-defense, a good portion of my mind simply stopped working - went to sleep, if you will.
Of course I played. It was my only solace.
Eventually I could play from when I woke until the time I slept.
I began to play something other than songs... I would play until I got the feeling right.
I remember spending three whole days trying to capture Wind Turning a Leaf.
Somewhere in the third month, I stopped looking outside and started looking inside for things to play.

To me, this is similar to the way he describes watching the wind until he saw its patterns and thus learning its name.
But hang on, music can't be it's own name, then everyone would be hearing a name every time it's played. That would surely do something to them; names have an effect on people after all. They stir something in them, make them feel moved strangely (see: whenever Elodin speaks; when a name is spoken but the person hearing it doesn't know the name; etc). If only music did the same thing.
"Thin, Albannach, very thin," I hear you say. And I'm with you. Surely, if Kvothe knew the name of music it would have more of effect on him. Let us turn to when he calls the wind the first time:

He looked at me. His dark eyes steadied me somewhat. Slowed the storm inside me. "Aerlevsedi," he said. "Say it."
"What?" Simmon said somewhere in the distant background. "Wind?"
"Aerlevsedi" Elodin repeated patiently, his dark eyes intent upon my face.
"Aerlevsedi," I said numbly.
...
His eyes caught mine. The numbness faded, but the storm still turned inside my head. Then Elodin's eyes changed. He stopped looking toward me and looked into me. ... He leaned forward and his lips brushed my ear. I felt his breath. He spoke... and the storm stilled. I found a place to land."

Is there a parallel with music? When is there not in this story. Many times, Kvothe refers to his music keeping him grounded and sane. Besides the detail above about him playing during his time in the woods and it allowing his mind to heal, I'll pick out one or two. After he got his lute back when Denna took it:

"With my lute back in my hands, the rest of my life slid easily back into balance.

Or playing at the Eolian:

"Offstage I worry and sweat. Onstage I am calm as a windless winter night."

Going back to the initial evidence about the discussion with Elodin. That comment about the road and the map that shows it is interesting. Sounds a bit like his chat with Tempi about the Lethani.

"What is the purpose of the Lethani?" Tempi asked.
"To give us a path to follow?" I replied.
"No," Tempi said sternly. "The Lethani is not a path."
"What is the purpose of the Lethani, Tempi?"
"To guide us in our actions. By following the Lethani, you act rightly."
"Is this not a path?"
"No. The Lethani is what helps us choose a path."

A slight addendum theory that plays into the bigger picture here: the Lethani is a way to invoke the mental state Kvothe calls Spinning Leaf, which enables people to better know/learn names, as we see Kvothe do multiple times. This is not an accident. The Adem, like the Edema, are descended of the first namers, and the Lethani comes from that heritage... just as music comes from the Edema heritage. The Edema music comes from Illien (who could be any number of namers/shapers who pop up in the stories: Lanre, Tarborlin, Iax, etc). What better evidence that music is its own name than the greatest Ruh (equivalently, the greatest of what became of the original namers) being the greatest musician travelling the world to show people the way.
In summary: music is its own name and to hear it and know it you need silence. Why else would Kvothe keep silence so heavy around himself at the Inn? (yes okay I know there's lots of other reasons he might but that's not the point of this theory)

The story itself seems to be a folk legend, so it's been retold in a lot of places, which makes this book hard to look for. The legend is often called "The Golden Goblet", but searching by that title hasn't gotten me anywhere, and I haven't found any other names for it.
Here's an example of the legend; here's another one. To quote TV Tropes: "a Siamese cat was guarding a goblet for her owner while she was pregnant, and to keep it safe she stared at it constantly and wrapped her tail around it, which made her eyes crossed and her tail kinked, and her kittens came out the same way, and that's why Siamese cats have kinked tails and crossed eyes."
In some versions of the legend the cat is called Chula and her mate is called Tien, but this discovery hasn't given me success in finding the book. In some versions of the legend the cat's tail is kinked by carrying rings, but this isn't what happened in the book I read.
The art style was fairly realistic, not cartoonish. I seem to remember there being a lot of detail and colour. This actually looks pretty similar in terms of style, though it's not identical and it's definitely not from the same book.
I've ruled out:

• Sagwa / The Chinese Siamese Cat: Happens to also be a just-so story about why Siamese cats look the way they do, but it's about why they have seal point markings, and it's because Sagwa fell into an inkwell. Not related.
• I Am from Siam by Tatiana Balkoff-Drowne: Neither the plot nor the art style match, and the colours are way too muted.
• The Watch Cat by Mili Northrup: This says "the Siamese cat came to have a rough, scratchy voice and a crook at the end of its tail when it went out hunting for a lost child", and that didn't happen in the book I read.
• The Cat of Bubastes by G.A. Henty: Not a picture book, really has no relation aside from being about a cat, but it keeps coming up when I look for this book.
• The Golden Goblet by Eloise Jarvis McGraw: Not a picture book, again no relation aside from the title, but it keeps coming up.
• Cats of Magic, Mythology and Mystery by Karl Shuker: Keeps coming up because it does discuss the legend; but it's not old enough and it doesn't seem to be a picture book, and it tells a different version from the one I read anyway.
• The Tail of the Siamese Cat by Geraldine Kaye: I haven't been able to see the inside, but the art style on the cover doesn't match at all. (However, if anyone knows a way I can see inside, I will take a look just to make sure.)
• Poon, or How the Siamese Cat Got the Knot in His Tail: Suggested in a previous post. It's hard to be sure because I can't find an online copy to examine, but from the front cover and the length (76 pages) I don't think it's the right one. Besides, the cat in the book I read was female, and she only got a kink in her tail, not a knot. (However, if anyone knows a way I can see inside, I will take a look just to make sure.)

I probably read this in the 2000s. I'm not sure how old the book is, but it didn't look old to me at the time.

I’m a single mother from the Netherlands. Living life from home as an accountant and together with my daughter im the happiest everyday!
Making friends is hard, as a young mom you do things differently that your same age don’t do. So i figured to let’s give this a try online!
I’m a lover of a good action movie. Baking and cooking is what I like to do as well. Indoor swimming together with my daughter is always a nice activity and I like to spot birds as well.
I’m someone who is different in opinions on all things and am super simple to maintain as a friend, I dont ghost you and you dont lose me that easily :)
I’ve put the lgbtq+ tag in, because I’m recently discovering my bisxual and polyamorous side, nothing too serious but fun for sure. Tips are welcome! Happy to meet other member too.
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Do I need to share with my (23F) bf (22M) that I slept with someone he knows?
Now I know in a typical situation the obvious answer would be yes, but I feel like the circumstances are kind of unique so please stick with me because I need help!
Last year in January, I met a guy and we ended up becoming friends and hooking up like twice. Honestly, it was just rebound, I was in a dark place in my life at the time and the interaction repulses me in retrospect. Tbh- I don’t even find him attractive and he’s not my type.
I met my boyfriend about 4-5 months later, then we were in a talking stage for another 4-5 months. During this time, I had ceased all sexual relations with this other guy but we still maintained a friendship and I would hang out with him on occasion.
Because all 3 of us share a hobby in common, and me and my current bf were in a talking stage, sometimes I would be hanging out with the other guy and my bf would be around. Because of this, they have met on a couple occasions. They have had short interactions, my bf never liked him even before we started dating. So essentially, the only reason my bf knows him is through me.
I have since cut off the friendship completely, before me and my bf began dating.
I have OCD along with the constant urge to confess things so I’m having a hard time telling if this is something I should share with my boyfriend or if it would just be unnecessarily hurtful to him.
I guess the reason I am feeling guilty about it, is that I had disclosed to him another friend I had I slept with 6+ years ago when I was a teenager, and he was almost in tears about it asking who else he knows that I have slept with. At the time I said nobody because he only knows this guy since I introduced them. It’s not like it was one of his friends already.
I am worried he’s going to think I’m a slut if he finds out about this. We recently moved in together and he’s shared with me he’s afraid of me cheating on him, and that he doesn’t want to “find anything else out” like how he did about my friend.
He’s really an amazing guy and super understanding. He’s told me before there’s nothing I could say that would make him not want to be with me. But I don’t know if this is something I need to share. My bf ran into this guy at an event the other day and told me he wasn’t friendly to him but all I could think of was that he doesn’t know we slept together.
I want him to have all information about me so he can make a decision on if he wants to be with me or not. Right now I kind of feel like I’m holding something in. Help please!