Final pain olympics

Hi everyone,
What it is: a homemade microwaveable heating pad called a “corn bag”. It is filled with corn kernels that conduct heat for pain relief. I am not knowledgeable on the material so I included a closeup and tried to show an angle for the stitching to be seen in case that’s helpful. I don’t really think it is made of 100% cotton. Maybe some nylon is in there or maybe all nylon? I have no clue.
This belonged to a former girlfriend and it was made by her deceased grandmother. She left it at my house and we live in separate states. I’ve wanted to return it to her for over four years now but didn’t want to ship it nor could decide on how to go about this without seeming like I’m trying g to get back together (I am not but I do wish for her to have her cherished gift from her grandma). I finally have the opportunity to return this (long story omitted) but this chance came out of nowhere, it’s almost midnight, and I’ve got to have it ready to leave by 8 am plus a 1.5 hour car drive on the highway. (Maybe that’s relevant information if it needs to dry?)
This thing wasn’t ever “clean” but well, it definitely wasn’t this dirty and I’d like to clean it but don’t want to risk ruining it. But I also don’t want to return it looking like this as it could very much come across as disrepectful and I’d hate that.
I have a washing machine and dryer. I have various bottles of cleaner chemicals and some carpet spray foam cleaner. These are not pets stains but I do also have pet stain removecleaner as well.
Greatly thankful for any and all help.

It made me finally snap and see that people hate weakness in all it's forms. All mental health workers saw me as vulnerable (my last therapist even told me so himself which did wonders for my already low self esteem) and instead of comforting me were irritated, patronized and steamrolled everything i said and dismissed my pain.
In a twisted way this did "help" me as it show that no one will ever save me. I feel like the Joker. There a certain liberation in being anti society and just deciding not to take anyone's shit anymore.

outside of these issues I’m about to discuss, I really felt I had found my person. He’s a decent father he works hard, he loves animals and kids, he’s generous when he can be, we have a lot in common, but he has a dark side and anger issues that can be scary. We have been married 2 years in October. So still supposed to be in what I thought was a honeymoon era. Don’t get me wrong, In the beginning it was literally a fairytale. I have two kids from a previous relationship (10&7) and one baby with my now husband. One and 1/2 years into our marriage husband starts staying out late, no calls, barely cognitive text messages, usually around payday. So after asking nicely a few times for him to just come clean and I would forgive him.( I suspected gambling) I was right & he finally admitted to it. I forgave him. Until it happened again, and again. As of last week it’s happened 12 times in a little over a year where I couldnt account for his whereabouts for 5+ hours. the last two times he called with a fake emergency (nobody has that many emergencies) he has got me a couple times but later would find out he was gambling via family or friend. Now he’s angry. I have asked him to get help, I have even offered to find and pay for treatment plus therapy for us. Because I really love him so much. He does NOT WANT IT. I will bring up my disappointment in the lies and the insults asking him to just be nicer to me (I have anxiety depression) in the moment even. but that makes him more angry and anger escalates to screaming insults in my face, so punching walls and now we are worse than where we started. The combination of these things plus I am and have been the sole provider for most of our marriage, shut out emotionally. I express wanting to work on it, and that I really need his help during my mental crisis moments. It’s like he doesn’t even hear me. I have asked numerous times what I could do to improve or just be better for him. I still don’t have an answer he will just laugh as if I’m missing the joke. I’m trying to hang on to my last bit of self esteem to figure out what to do next. none of this aligns with his great speech on Saturday night about hating himself for how much pain he has caused me and that he loves me so much & wants to do better. How 90% of his insults are him deflecting to me. Fast forward to Sunday night him telling me I’m delusional and I make it hard for any man to be nice to me. (Mother’s Day of all days). Mentioned also “this isn’t working” so today I did ask him for a trial separation and he responded 👍🏽 and said that “i was probably so excited because I love conflict” 🤦🏽‍♀️😪 “end of discussion” what am I supposed to do next? Idk how this works & I am so heartbroken 💔

Minute by minute, second by second, I just feel pain. I’ve finally broken. I had a mental breakdown after my 10th loss in a row. Now, this has been the result of days of losing. Minutes of a fleeting light at the end of the tunnel. Yet I kept playing. I kept playing as a symmetra went into the back line and killed my entire team. I kept playing as tank even when they continually counter swapped sombra. I kept playing as a hog hooked me when I was at my lowest. I know I’m partly to blame. But these fleeting moments of serendipitous happiness escape my frizzling brain. I just want to have fun. I just wanted to get on and play after I’d been doing school work straight for an entire week. Heaven has barred entry to me. I am a husk. I am a whittled flower that grew in the concrete. No season has ever been this bad, and the worst part is: it’s not that bad balance wise. I feel like my impact is nonexistent. I feel like my skill is a barren wasteland. I keep wishing I’d hit the end of this manifestation of malevolence, but I am wrong. I don’t think it will ever end. I need someone to tell me
Why Why Why do I do this to myself?

At exactly midnight tonight, the world was going to end.
This Monday, every television in the nation- maybe even on the planet- was hijacked to read the same message. It read, "Your time will be recycled and your lives will be ruined. In 48 hours, await evisceration." When the world saw it and realized it wasn't going away, they immediately realized it was a warning. And they decided they had two days before everyone died.
Knowing their death was crawling close, everyone rushed their separate ways and hurried to use their time accordingly. Some were too depressed by the news to bother changing their lives, or even to leave bed. Some rushed to finish their bucket list, gambling their money away, making love to everyone they saw. And some decided they couldn't wait two days to die and finished it themselves.
1 hour. Now it's Tuesday, with one hour to go. I sat alone in my room, twirling a revolver in my hand. I've always been upset with my life. Having news that it would end soon would have usually made me happy, but it wasn't the way I wanted to go out. I wasn't done just yet.
I blamed her. My wife was a thorn in my side for years, and I had already lost a disgusting amount of freedom in my life because of her. But discovering she was having an affair- cheating on me, for months? It was the final straw. She didn't know I knew, but I knew. The betrayal I felt sickened me. Originally, I would have simply broken up with her. Now, the fear of consequences can't hold me back.
I snuck out of the room to see her in the living room, sobbing. She wasn't ready to die, yet she thought the planet was the only one who wanted her dead. She was so ugly when she looked like that. As she wept, I pointed the gun towards her head and undid the safety.
"I never loved you either," I said, the hatred leaving my mouth almost as painfully as the bullet left the gun.
A splash of blood hit my cheek. She dropped to the floor with a wet thud. My ears rang from the sound. It was over. I got the last laugh and it was finally over. I checked my watch. 23:59. Just in time.
I sat down and waited out the final minute, a sad smile on my face.
My vision went white for a brief second, and then turned into a deep black.
I woke up in bed. My alarm was ringing. It was Monday, at midnight, with the words "THANKS FOR PARTICIPATING" boldened on my screen.
I blinked my tired eyes, trying to recall if what I had experienced was a dream, until I felt the drop of blood trickling down my cheek.
Then, I saw my wife standing on the other side of the bedroom, staring at me with a sickened betrayal in her eyes.

I have posted before about having 6 hernias one with bowl and another colon in it .finally I am seeing a specialist at loma Linda hospital. I have been so sick and the pain is unreal some days I am hoping to have it done at least the next month . I was also told my stomach wall needs to be repaired. Has anyone had more then one and I’d u had the wall repaired. Plus now I had one hernia in 2022 that was done now I’m getting a burning feeling in that site . Any info is greatly appreciated

Hi!! I just had my bilateral salpingectomy this morning & I wanted to share my excitement here! I'm officially tube-free & sterilized, & I couldn't be happier or more relieved! It feels like a heavy weight has been lifted off my soul, its an amazing feeling. 💗💗💗 I'm so grateful for the sterilization & childfree subreddits. Reading about other people's bisalp experiences & having access to information about sterilization is what gave me the resources & courage to finally make that first consultation appointment. Now it's done & once I'm all healed up, I'll never have to fear for my body ever again!
As for pain, I'm feeling only the tiniest bit of soreness in my upper shoulders, my ribs feel like I just jogged, & my tummy is slightly sensitive. So aside from some mild soreness the medication has me feeling pretty comfy & pain-free right now! I'm about to head to bed so hopefully it doesn't hit too hard in the morning haha.
I'll be sure to share my own bisalp experience soon once I've had a little time to rest & recover. This was my first surgery so I was really nervous at first, but it was such a positive experience for me, I hope that I can help allieviate some medical anxiety from others too like so many people in this subreddit has done for me. 🥰💕 Thank you all & take care!

Bit of backstory: in 2020 I developed a skin issue with my foreskin that progressively worsened. Took a year to get a proper diagnosis (erosive form of Zoon's, most likely) and treatment that partially managed it (combination keeping the foreskin rolled down, plus tacrolimus for the area still covered). I still had near constant pain for several years, and sex was only possible every few days (and usually painful).
In 2023 I finally made the decision to get a circumcision. Went to Bidair in San Diego. He was great. Since it was for medical reasons he recommended a Low and Tight cut.
The healing process sucked. It took a good 4-5 months to heal. The wounds closed fast and stitches dissolved in two weeks, but I was still dealing with months of painful erections, then painful lumps for a few months after (from the numbing injections). I was able to very carefully masterbate after about a month, and sex after 3 months, though still painful.
Now I'm 10 months in. The good? Daily pain has disappeared and I feel no discomfort having water run over it directly in the shower, or cleaning it, or from rubbing against my boxers. This alone is 100% enough reason to have done it, as I have not felt this pain-free in 4 years. Another positive is that it also looks, dare I say it, pretty. Both flaccid and erect. Dr. Bidair did an excellent job.
Masturbation is different, but quite good most of the time. Sometimes I still have some discomfort, but other times I've been able to work up to some of the most intense orgasms in my life. I've tried both lube and without it, and it's significantly better without it. No deathgrip needed. It also feels great rubbing my glans directly, which I couldn't do even before I developed a medical issue.
Sex however is still a struggle. One the one hand, it feels too intense around the scarline, to the point of being almost painful, even when using lots of lube. One the other hand, it feels less pleasurable. I can still find the spots that are still very sensitive quite easily with my hand (or my girlfriend's hand), but it's a lot harder to put pressure on the right spots when having sex to feel really good. A lot of spots have lost sensitivity for sure, likely a result of the type of cut (low & right). So it either feels too intense and painful, or too numb and uninteresting, or sometimes both alternating. I have still been able to reach orgasm everytime we have sex regardless, but it's taking a lot more effort, and it's seldom very satisfactory.
I'm still very glad I went through with it, as I feel no discomfort at all outside of sex, but I'm still somewhat bummed sex is just far less good then it was years before. Since it's been 10 months already I don't really expect big improvements.

So I’m 28 years old and moved to a new city last year where I don’t know anybody. After a year of barely speaking to anyone, I decided to make friends. As in go to bars, events, etc. It took a lot of work but I am finally putting myself out there. Eventually I found a friend group.
But I seem to have hit a proverbial “wall”, If you will. I’ve now got a social group of people who think I’m intelligent, they like me and want to hangout with me. And yet…I always tell them no when they ask me to hangout. I cannot allow myself to say yes.
For context, I’ve suffered through a lot of betrayal in my past and because of that it’s been almost ten years now since I actually had friends. I naturally have a very introverted personality and honestly? I enjoy reading books more than talking to people. But simultaneously I crave that social connection as we all do.
I suppose I’m afraid to be vulnerable and thus I’m currently unable to make that final step. Repeatedly being vulnerable has been quite a tremendously painful experience for me and I seem to have built up an “avoidant attachment style.”
I would very much like to break this trend in my behavior and allow myself the ability to let other people into my life but am unsure how.

For all the videos there are about the new SubClass that we will get in the Final Form DLC, I have heard that in the Lore... the Guardians can use Light and Darkness whenever and however much they want, even making combinations of the Super Skills.
In view of this, I thought of making my own Super Skills for the Guardians, I just hope you like it
ARC ENERGY
Feet/Electric Fists (Hunter and Titans): Fight using your feet/fists to attack, with each blow releasing electric shocks of 500 volts and shooting bolts of electricity. If someone is skilled enough with their feet or fists, they can charge energy to deliver stronger blows
Magnetic Barrier (Sorcerer): Generate a layered electromagnetic field to repel everything
Nunchaku (Hunter): Creation of a three-bar-long Nunchaku capable of killing by transmitted electricity or deatomization
Taming the Storm (Sorcerer) Capable of creating electrical storms of great size and destruction.
Lightning Dancer (Hunter): Creates two short blades for quick kills and also allows the user to "sape" jump at high speed
Solar ENERGY
Flaming Halberd (Sorcerer, Hunter and Titans): Creates a fiery halberd capable of launching fireballs
Bo Nuclear (Titan, Sorcerer and Hunter): Creates a combat bo that causes small, radiation-free nuclear explosions.
Celestial (Sorcerer): Creation of spheres made of solar energy the size of a fist that obey their owner who uses them to attack or shoot enemies
Shirai Ryu (Hunter): Creates a Japanese kunai attached to a long chain, capable of reach long distances and tools such as whips, harpoon, a hook and with the necessary skill, the kunai can be thrown as an arrogafizo knife that explodes upon impact, the kunai at the tip regenerates in a short time. How many of these exist at a time depends on the skill of the user.
STRINGS ENERGY
Tamer (Hunter, Titan and Sorcerer): Use the strings of the universe to create animals capable of understanding the creator.
Chained Swords (Titan): Two short swords are connected to the hands of the Guardian who can cause chaos
Reaper (Sorcerer and Titan): Creating a large scythe
Spider (Sorcerer, Hunter and Titan): Able to create webs capable of turning invisible and trap enemies
Beethoven (Hunter, Titan and Sorcerer): Creation of instruments capable of shaking reality with musical notes, notes that can bring death to their enemies
VOID ENERGY
Void Blood (Sorcerer): Manipulate the energy of Void to control the bodies of enemies, causing them great pain or ending their lives
Entropic Wave (Sorcerer): Creation of a wave of Void power that eliminates from existence everything it catches
Chains of Morgana (Sorcerer): Creation of chains of great strength capable of catching any object that moves, durability depends on the strength of the owner
Breastplate (Titan): An armor is formed that covers the entire Guardian while gaining a slight boost in its strength and speed.
Shadow Step (Hunter, Sorcerer and Titan): The ability of a Guardian to use shadows to move quickly
Stacis ENERGY
Cerberus of Helheim (Hunter): Creates a Nunchaku of three bars attached to a ring capable of freezing and destroying enemies
Leviathan ( Titan): Single-bladed combat ax capable of destroying enemies in different ways
Frozen Zombie (Sorcerer): Grows ice constructions capable of creating humanoid beings of ice, the enemies they catch are covered in ice and forced to follow the will of the Guardian

I posted about this awhile back and did not get much response but I am gaslighting myself and need people who have gone through this or similar to help me be objective.
I will Try to keep this brief but it's a lot.
-long history of stricturing Crohn's of terminal ileum diagnosed in 2006. First resection Sept 2018, Last resection in April 2022. Surgeon told me he found Crohn's high up in small bowel, could not remove safely, hoped new biologic (Stelara) would take care of it.
-6 month delay in starting Stelara due to GI F up (forgot to send preauthorization)
-July 2022 began having severe upper gastric pain (under ribs and belly button) after even the smallest amount of food, followed by severe nausea and often vomiting. Within half hour multiple liquid BM's undigested food and insane amount of fluid. Began to eat less and less, moved to soft diet, and finally to complete liquids in August 2023
-July 2023-Oct 2023- Weight loss of 20 lbs over 3 month period. Many ER visits needed for rehydration and IV anti emetics and pain meds as could not keep down any oral meds. GI did colonoscopy but only found microscopic Crohn's in anastomosis site (he only took 2 biopsies from that area and nowhere else). CT's done in hospital showed thickening of wall of ascending colon, and collapsed bowel, free fluid in peritoneum. GI dismissed as "not reliable". Fecal Cal slightly elevated. Constant low grade anemia. After 4th ER visit in Oct 2023 they did a high res Ultrasound and I was admitted by surgery department. However, as I was urgent but not emergent, there were no beds available. Was given choice of staying in ER and receiving IV steroids, or going home and following up with GI. Chose home and was given Entocort. Entocort slowed down bowel from 30-50 bm's a day to ten. Did not help pain, nausea, vomiting, lack of ability to eat. After several desperate emails where I begged for help, said I wanted to die-GI ordered urgent MRI, would not change meds or give prednisone without "proof".
-November 2023-Began to experience fatigue like never before. Could hardly keep eyes open. This would be followed by severe upper gastric pain, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea that went on for days, followed by constipation for 1-2 days and severe bloating, only on the left side of belly which would be rock hard and hot to the touch. Then the diarrhea cycle woud begin again. Always pure liquid, sometimes black, always tons of mucous.
-Went to Mexico to visit my parents for the holidays where I usually feel better but still could not eat. Injecting myself with IM Gravol (anti emetic) just to keep fluids down. I lived off of chicken broth with rice. Saw GI in private hospital. Ordered full workup. Blood found in stool. 3 D CT ordered (could not find a vein for IV after 5 nurses, two doctors, and a radiologist with a vein finder so only had oral contrast) showed inflammation in small bowel, thickening of the ascending colon wall 11 mm, and inflammation of ileum. He wanted to send me to special IBD hospital in Mexico City for MRI but it would have cost 2500$ so I decided to wait till I got home to Canada where it would be free. Treated me with antibiotics for IBS (only available in Mexico and Germany) Zero improvement. I lived off of electrolyte drinks.
-Jan 29th 2024 returned to hospital because I could not keep any oral meds in (pills would be in toilet) also pain was 9/10, high fever, vomiting. Admitted again, but no beds. Left AMA with another prescription for Entocort.
-Feb 12 2024- High fever followed by two days of 40 plus liquid BM's, some of them bloody, all of them black. Husband insisted back to ER where I was admitted immediately. Cortisol levels 11 (close to adrenal failure) very low potassium. Doc said if we'd waited I likely would have died from heart event. Spent 8 + weeks in hospital having every kind of test imaginable. NOTHING showed on MRI, inflammation on CT, lower scope clear, upper endoscopy showed inflammation in esophagus, stomach, and duodenum. Negative for H Pylori, negative for celiac. Started on 150 mg of hydrocortisone for low cortisol to rescue my organs. MRI of brain showed small tumour on pituitary. Endocrinologist did ACTH test and was unhappy, kept me on 40 mg of hydrocortisone IV. PICC line insertion went awry when they Discovered I had complete stenosis of veins and needed port catheter surgically implanted. Was on TPN for 5 weeks. Needed pain meds and anti emetics every 4 hours or severe vomiting and diarrhea would ensue. 30-50 liquid bm's continued (they made me write down everything I ingested and every time I had a BM. They tested me for everything. No blood, NO CDiff, no parasites, no infection. High fever 104.5 plus delirium and CRP shot up to 50. Continued Anemia, blood work all over the place, even with TPN I needed potassium and sodium boluses 3 times a day.
-Requested pill endoscopy, GI said no Crohn's, no need for test. Suggested psych evaluation for a fucking eating disorder. Endocrinologist disagreed, said starvation and whatever disease process was causing symptoms was causing my cortisol issue. Psych diagnosed medical PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder (no shit) but NO eating disorder. Fired GI and hired IBD specialist from another city. Re ran all tests, CT showed huge diverticulum on duodenum otherwise clear. Was going to be moved to a ward from a private room. Had a panic attack because I could not share a bathroom and was not about to use a commode. Asked to be discharged after nearly 9 weeks. They were so overcrowded and basically did not know what else to do to help me, so they let me go even though I was still on TPN and NPO. Got a 5 minute instruction on how to insert a butterfly catheter for pain meds, and let go.
-Present-3 weeks later, still on liquid diet, (Boost drinks, blended oatmeal, yoghurt and soup) still on sub q and IM meds. Finally got new IBD doc to order capsule endoscopy and is treating me for SIBO (never been tested) plus set me up with nutritionist and psychologist for support. MRI repeated- totally clear.
I FEEL CRAZY. This is the sickest I have ever felt. It's been almost a year since I chewed food. The pain under my ribs just to the left of my belly button is now constant, whether I eat or not, pain meds barely take the edge off. Sometimes it's so intense I can hardly breathe. I keep passing out on the toilet. I projectile vomit daily, even using Gravol and Pantoprozole, the bile acid is awful. I've been doing tons of research and have learned that GDC and Jejunal Crohn's are extremely hard to diagnose. I have every single symptom and fit the criteria. Does this sound familiar to anyone????

Hello All!
I'm looking for some advice on fitness and weight loss that might help me out with my various needs for modifications. Please be patient with me if you feel like some of these questions have been answered before, I just don't always feel like they take into account my circumstances. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and answer! Your kindness is much appreciated.
And now we get into it... Some backstory to begin. I'm a 30-year-old female who's been struggling with an unhealthy relationship with food (for many reasons) for 15-ish years now. I've struggled to lose weight on and off for maybe 10 years. I've lost weight, gained it back, lost it, and gained it back again. Nothing really seemed to stick. I tried WeightWatchers, Noom, My Fitness Pal, and a fitness program with a certified coach. I've lost weight quickly and unsustainably and then slowly. I've struggled with an addiction to sugar and had ravenous cravings. I've even taken Vyvanse prescribed for Binge Eating Disorder but had to stop taking it due to blood pressure concerns. I am 5'7" and am currently 221lb.
I joined a fitness program this year that had me start with a reverse diet where I ate my maintenance calories for 5 weeks or so and then slowly decreased my caloric intake for a steady deficit. The coach calculated my maintenance as 2,600 daily with a moderate activity level. I initially worked out 6x a week with her program, mostly strength training, but I have an entirely sedentary job. During this time, I gained 5lb. After this, I decreased my intake to 2,100 and then 1,900 and then 1,800. At this point, I also decreased my workouts to about 4x per week of weights/resistance bands. I lost the initial 5lb I gained and then another 4lb over the course of 2 months. But this has me losing maybe 1lb per week.
Now, I also have various joint problems. I have hypermobility in my joints and I have to be very careful when working out. And the more I exercised, the worse I felt. The problems in my right shoulder became aggravated and I have new problems on my left now too. My collarbones and shoulder joints crack and grind with pain. My knees have sharp pains now whenever I put weight on them when they're bent. My physical therapists and doctors basically told me I have to stop doing squats, lunges, or other weight-bearing exercises on my knees, and stop doing what I was doing for my arms/back (dumbbell back flies, chest flies, shoulder presses, arnold presses, etc.) I feel deeply discouraged by the fact that I had to cut out most of the things I was doing. I feel like I'm very limited in what I can do.
But I also desperately need to lose weight to reduce the weight on my joints and get in better shape (and self-esteem!) So it seems like I'm down to doing only cardio and exercises that have my arms close to my body (like tight bicep curls and tricep kickbacks) which sucks because I was loving the muscle gain (and I could feel it!)
I am feeling very confused by all of the activity levels on TDEE calculators and I feel like maybe I'm getting it wrong. I put in lightly active and got around 2,400 and then read numerous articles that said it was overestimating because I have a sedentary job. I then tried the adaptive TDEE spreadsheet and got an average of about 2,400 anyway over the course of 14 weeks. So it seems like the coach was wrong to say I was at 2,600 with my exercise levels and it seems like others were wrong to say lightly active was too high.
Now, what do you guys think about the 2,400 TDEE? The data seems to support it, but does it seem accurate? I try to exercise 3-4x per week (still some strength training) after work, but I am very sedentary at work and when relaxing. Some days I don't make it past 8,000 steps. Now I've been trying to kick that up a notch (made it up to 16,000 steps today!) and have been aiming for 10,000 steps daily.
And next, what might be a good deficit? I've been eating around 1,800 but I don't know if that's going to be very slow and I tend to plateau early. (And, yes, I've been tracking all of my calories and keeping track of protein as well. I use MFP for the calories and I weigh my food when needed.) I was also told that I should be in a deficit for maybe 8-12 weeks at most before going back to maintenance for 2 weeks in order for my body to not "fight" the weight loss and repeat this cycle. Can anyone weigh in on this? Some studies I've read seemed to support this as well.
And finally.. does anyone have recommendations for exercises that I could do that would be light on my knees and good for people with hypermobility? This means nothing that requires joint extension that could be dangerous or any rotating of the shoulders. So definitely no lunges or reverse lunges, for example.
I think that's the end of my spiel.. but if you guys have any other questions, let me know! Thank you, again, for any suggestions you might have!

Hi, first time poster. My (f29) partner (m31) and I started dating winter 2022 and in the beginning, we had sex a lot (multiple times per day but usually only together half the week).
We had some arguments a few months in that stemmed from his insecurities based on getting cheated on in previous relationships. We were close to breaking up but he agreed to work on those issues and go to therapy, which he did. Since then (so almost a year now) I’ve had literally no sex drive. I never really want to have sex with him and if we do it’s usually because I feel like I should (he doesn’t push me to, I initiate but mostly from guilt that it’s been awhile).
After his therapy he really did seem to lose those insecurities and we’ve been in a very stable and happy relationship for 9 months. I love him, and he is so great to me. He would do anything to make me happy and we get along so well and have so much fun together. I’m at a loss why I have no urge to have sex with him. Am I just not attracted to him anymore? Did I lose it because of the arguments and his insecurities a year ago?
Or, is it just a coincidence? I’ve had occasional painful sex for the past few years (with my most recent ex boyfriend as well) and last summer I finally had a hormone test and was told I have low testosterone.
However, I do get in the mood enough alone to masturbate and will usually do so once every couple days or so.
Any advice would be helpful! Thanks in advance.

This is just my personal experience. This group has been so helpful to me by just being a place to feel normal. Lurk, read, post. It helped me keep the faith and see people out 1000s of days gave me inspiration. If you think you have a problem you do and get to rehab. Wishing I knew about this group earlier and intervened earlier in my addiction Alcohol is so insidious. I needed real intervention.
I’ve told the truth every day as much as it is painful, one lie never stands on its own. I lied to myself and everyone around me for years. I don’t now and it’s made all the difference. Probably the one thing for me that changed it all.
Most of my friends from rehab relapsed. Just a fact. As hard as it is you can’t let it drag you down. That almost derailed me. Don’t let the battle get too lonely. Reach out. Connection beats addiction.
Work every day on your groups, finding kindred souls, activities, and celebrating the small wins. Days, weeks, months, years of sobriety. Got to dig in every day. I call it a daily reprieve from destruction.
I give less of a fck about what people think. If anyone asks I just say I retired from drinking. In my life 8pm is my new 11pm. Or nothing good ever happens after 10pm.
I’m finally having fun again. All the dents are not pounded out of me yet but the car is drivable. Let’s stay on the journey. My best to you all. Thank you for the inspiration

About 4 years exactly with no period, it started today! The day after Mother’s Day! Had noticed some cramps and back pain and bloating, but didn’t pay too much attention to it because I have chronic pain. After being weight restored since 3/2023, a little over a year, finally spotting today! I’m so overwhelmed with emotion. I really might be able to have another baby! It’s so wonderful to know that it’s an option after starting to come to terms with possibly being infertile. I was about to get my hormones tested but after so long my doctors had pretty much accepted this was early menopause.
I’m not gonna say I’m totally recovered or ready to take on mothering an infant right now, or if I’ll even choose to ever try for a baby, but it’s so reassuring to know I didn’t permanently destroy my body with the pure hell I put it through. I almost died twice since last January, which is what led me to really strive for recovery. I had really started to accept I would never have my cycle again; but wow, the body is so incredibly resilient. I am still in shock. I’m not thrilled about weight gain, but I AM thrilled about gaining health!
No matter what you choose in this life, choose you! - and the rest will fall into place. Wishing everyone strength!

So, back in August I finally started going to a pain clinic after being diagnosed for the past 5 almost 6 years. I was promptly put on trials of different meds and found a few daily's that gave me a little baseline relief and I'd say an extra spoon of endurance lol This doctor also prescribed me codeine phosphate for as needed use. I was hesitant to take it at first, even when it was needed. When I finally took it, it relieved my pain more effectively than my usual naproxen 500s and tylenol ever did.. and I could still layer those meds if I needed to too.(Codeine would take away 60% of my flare pain.. not fully but made me functional enough to take care of basic needs) I almost wanted to cry I was so thankful to have something this effective on my worst days, even if it was only 60%.
Fast forward to February of this year. My pain doctor was transfered somewhere even further than I was already traveling so I asked to be referred to a Dr closer to me. He had a colleague that worked in my town- even better! The first thing this new Dr did was take me off the codeine and wanted me to stop my naproxen and switch it out for meloxicam. Cool beans, however I'm having blood pressure issues so I can't take it until that's under control (its already been over a month and we're still trying to bring it down and figure it out) and I can't start my lidocaine injections until I have an mri of my problem areas which is 6 months wait minimum where I am.
I had an apt with him last week and was basically begging him to give me a script for the codeine phosphate again.. and he started treating me like a drug addict- going on and on about how high risk I am and how it's debatable what the efficacy of codeine is for fibromyalgia. I was calm and explained that I have my pee tested every visit since August and it's never come back positive, if he looks at how frequently I fill the prescription- I actually refill it less than I'm supposed to because I only take it when I need to, and that I'd be more than happy to get a referral from my GP that I have had zero drug seeking/addiction/red flag behaviour in all the time she's seen me (about 10 years). He said, regardless it's a no. So what am I supposed to do? I don't even have a script for naproxen and I have to wait for all these other "super effective" treatments?! TF
I also did go to my gp, who is the most excellent doctor I've ever had (we LOVE her and must protect her at all costs). I explained my frustration and asked her opinion and if she'd be willing to write me a script. She said, he's not wrong about the efficacy debate and she'd rather not prescribe an opiate if at all possible. But she did write me a script for my naproxen 500s at the very least. Which is better than not having them, but still isn't great. Tbh , much easier to hear from her that it's a no.
I'm just so very frustrated. I understand this is all a process and I've come to terms with the fact that pain is something I'm going to deal with for the rest of my life, but damnit..yk?
Anyways, thanks for listening fibrofam 🖤 I just found this reddit a few months ago and it's made such a difference in my life.

We talked last night. It hurts loosing her love. I miss her so damn much. But I'll never be able to heal if I'm seeing her name Come across my screen. I told her my final goodbyes, and blocked her on EVERYTHING. She cried, and so did I. I just want this pain to end. It's so damn much, it feels like I could reach into my chest and actually pull it out.
I'm still deeply in love with her, but I know she'll never take me back, so im trying my best to let go and move on.

I've been dealing with a number of symptoms that resemble post-sepsis syndrome. In 2020 I had a severe case of cellulitis in my jaw due to dental implant infection. It took weeks to treat it because no one was able to diagnose it, or willing to treat it. I went to 3 dentists and 2 ER's, finally a holistic oral surgeon was able to help me.
This was the 3rd time in my life I had a severe infection. In 2007 I had cellulitis on my elbow where I had scratched myself to the bone (i had serious eczema). Also in 2005 I had developed necrotizing fasciitis in the other side of my face, beneath a root canal, which was a near fatal emergency.
Since 2020 I've had numerous symptoms with fatigue, musculoskeletal pain, dizziness and confusion, and many more. I was never able to take a break and rest after any of these infections. In 2020 I was already in a very stressful situation - I was moving out of an apartment that was releasing toxic fumes, dealing with family problems, housing, and financial issues.
A year after the infection I had a minor surgery that ended up becoming a major surgery, not infection related but took a major toll on me. 2 months after that I also had a very bad case of COVID. I didn't need hospitalization but I was very sick for 6 weeks.
I've never had sepsis, but with each of these infections they said it was extremely close and it's a miracle I survived.
I've been to several doctors regarding these problems and no one has been able to find anything. I've wondered if it is all due to major stress and post-infection issues. Would it make sense to see an infectious disease doctor at this point? My doctors are running out of ideas where to refer me.
Also, if you have these infections and never take a break to heal, can it add up over time? How necessary is a rest period? I'm unable to quit working, but also not really able to work much, about 50% of the time I am sick and keep losing jobs.

hey all. I’ve been gritting my teeth and crying through a horrible flare since February. one more month to go until the rheumatologist can finally see me and hopefully start me on DMARDs. I know, brutal. Anyway, I finally said yes to prednisone last week. I just did a 7 day, minimal taper. I felt like i was in heaven. Zero problematic side effects. It was 20mg,15mg,10,10,10,10,10. Just a week long. Just came off it 3 days ago, the pain and fatigue are coming back like a ton of bricks. My doctor was happy I responded well and wrote me an RX for 28 more days of prednisone while i wait for my rheum appointment. Another low taper of 20 all the way down to 5 as the days go on.
My question is, will a month of prednisone harm me - AKA will it make me gain weight, get moon face, or mess with my blood sugar? It makes me feel so great, that I want to take it to get through these 28 days before i can see the rheumatologist. I just honestly don’t want it to mess with my appearance or sugars/hormones. you can call me vain but I’m terrified of getting fat because of a drug. Also, im aware that when the rheum finally gives me a DMARD it could take weeks to kick in. I’ll cross that bridge when i get there.

Am I the asshole for asking my dad to pay for what he did. I(18m) am playing senior assassin and my dad(61 m) caused me to get disqualified. My dad is a drunk there is no denying that despite how much he tries to. He drinks to get “release his anger” as he says because he is constantly worrying about his cancer, finances, and my grandma’s dementia. I understand this and gave him his space but as he grows sick he grows bitter. He has been meaner and meaner. He called me a slur when describing how I looked. Despite this I tried to be nice to him. Anyway I am in my final year of high school and doing senior assassin. It’s a game where you get assigned targets and have a week to get them out but also people are coming after you. In my school to cut down on time we had something called bounties. This means everyone can get you instead of their target. I was a bounty and was the last one of seven. I spent the whole day dodging people. Someone hid under my car outside work. Despite this I escaped. After all of the hoops I jumped through my dad got me disqualified. My dad came home plastered with my cousin and my cousin who went to a private school didn’t understand why there was four cars outside of my house. Fyi I told my dad I was in senior assassin. My dad preceded to have him and my cousin hit on the cars and threat the occupants. This broke a major rule of not threatening or getting parents involved. I was promptly disqualified. This hurt more because I was in the running and if I survived three more days I would’ve been in the top five. This would have given me a chance of winning around 1000 dollars. My dad’s actions costed me this. The next morning neither my mom or me talked to him. He gave me a half assed apology and was angry when I didn’t accept it. When I went to school today I was asked about if my home life is ok by a teacher and made fun of by other peers. I did go over board in defending when I called someone an et look alike but despite this it was mostly just attacking me. Later I told my dad what he did and what he caused. Another slightly more effort apology. I told him later what he could do to try to fix what he can do.
Pay me half of what I could’ve won: I was offered around half to get out but I turned it down. This money would have allowed me to take the summer off. This would’ve allowed me to have money left over for college and still work on myself for college. My dad isn’t poor at all btw. He argued that he is paying for part of my college so I can’t ask for more. I asked him for 400 dollars
Pay for tux and transportation to prom: he ruined a major moment of my senior year he better make sure the other one is great
Calm down on the drinking: I understand his struggles but that doesn’t excuse getting black out drunk and threatening to beat a bunch of teens. i like when he’s not here but I don’t think he should get super drunk every Thursday to Saturday,
When going over these he said I was shaking him down and he was a good father (debatable) and that he was a good provide husband (strangled my mom years ago and said the racism she was experiencing was real not to mention he doesn’t want to bring her anywhere). He yelled at me so I took a shower and don’t plan on talking to him for the next week. Also when I first confronted him he brought up when I cracked the tile in my backyard. I had to drive through it when I was getting chased by my assassin. It sucks because I tried so hard and it was for nothing. Despite this I do understand that he is in constant mental and physical pain but I don’t like how he brings it up anytime I argue with him. He said to me he doesn’t have a lot of time left and I should get over it. I do think he should be more appreciative that I turned out with a high gpa and I don’t like substances. He is the many reason for the latter but I could’ve been so much worse. Sorry for the rambling but am I in the wrong for asking him to pay me back and own up to his mistakes.
Also sorry for any grammar on mobile.

It is a man, old and scraggy. He wears a jacket that lays over the red plaid button shirt and blue jeans. He wears an old baseball cap and a pair of glasses. He yelled something to Dad, holding his hands up like he was pleading, although we couldn’t hear it over the truck engine. They talked, but we couldn’t hear what they were saying.
“Hey, what are they saying”, I asked, while petting Matt’s hair, calming him. The old man then put his hands down and came close to Dad in a cautious way. They seem to start having some kind of conversation.
“I don’t really know, hopefully, something good”, Mom answered. They talked for a little while, with daylight beginning to disappear, giving us a sense of dread, and making me more worried about what weird creature was going to show up. Eventually, the old man turned and pointed toward what I think is the northeast. They then shook hands and walked back to their respective vehicles. “What’s going on”, Mom asked as Dad got into the truck.
“Well, our new friend here invited us to dinner at his farm”, Dad replied.
“Does he have supplies?”
“Well, he says has supplies for us to make the journey.”
“Should we even trust him? We just met h-”
“Relax, he’s just an old man, living alone at his farm, feeding his cows. What could go wrong”, Dad countered. The old man then entered the truck that was running and drove slowly, expecting us to follow him.
“Alrighty then, but we have to be cautious”, Mom said, with her suspicions of the old man. We then followed the old truck along the dark, frozen road. It just feels like something is going to show up along the road, but nothing happened. Matt did eventually stop crying, but he is still upset about the Joe escape thing.
“Where are we going”, Matt lamented, with the prior series of events in mind.
“I guess somebody is offering us dinner”, I answered.
“Why can’t we just go home?”
“It’s only going to be a stop, like a hotel. After that, we go to our new home, I guess”, I said, taking another look at Matt and cradling to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay.” I stared out into the darkness. I looked to the sky from the window and I faintly saw something in the clear, dark sky, lit up by the waning moon. They were brilliant, green auroras that defy the bright moon, dancing across the sky like ribbons in the wind. The truck eventually took a right-hand turn into another road, with us following suit. I can see a bright, orange light emerging from a patch of tree. When we passed by, it seemed it was a house, at a farm, burning in a massive flame.
“I guess those people aren’t so, uh, lucky”, Dad said, taking a quick look at it before looking at the road. Passing by, we went on and continued to follow the old man’s truck. We passed onto another intersection until he turned into a driveway to what I believe to be his farm. Going into the driveway, I can see an old house, along with a dilapidated farm further away, barely visible by the headlights. The old man parked by the house, where there were a few other trucks there. We parked alongside the truck and we got out into the cold, near-silent night.
“Welcome to sanctuary, where all are welcome”, the old man bellowed. This is the first time I’ve heard his voice. Matt was the last to get out of the truck, slowly and clumsily climbing out of the truck.
“What’s your name”, my Mom politely asked the old man.
“Oh, I guess your husband didn’t tell ya. My name is Steven, but you can call me Steve”, the old man said, with some crackling in his voice. “I am very proud to host a dinner for you and your family”, he continued. “What’s your name, ma’am?”
“Oh, my name is Janice”, Mom replied, quite pleased at his politeness.
“Hello, Janice, and what are their names”, Steven asked, pointing to me and Matt.
“That’s my daughter Kate and my son Matt”, Dad said to Mom.
“Oh, what wonderful names for a couple of beautiful children you have”, Steve grinned. “Come, it is dangerous out here.” We followed him to the house, which looked like it had seen better days. He entered through the double-set door, the first a solid door and a screen door behind. Entering the house, it smelled like what you’d expect, old man. Looking onto the floor is made of glossy wood and walls with cracks, likely caused by the earthquake. It is dark in there, lit by candlelight from many candles, yet it’s fairly warm here. I don’t know why we went into the house, but Dad was right, Steve is just a lonely, old man. Matter of fact, there seems to be nothing wrong here, other than the cracks in the walls. “Sorry, the power went out. Had to resort to the candles. I knew my wife would come in handy”, Steve explained as he took his coat off. “Oh, supper will be ready right away. Had to use the fireplace to cook. Also, can you take your boots off?” We took our boots and set them aside. We went into what seemed to be a living room, with dusty old-style furniture.
“So, where do we sit”, Mom asked.
“Oh, well, follow me”, Steve commanded, leading us to the dining room, with a long, wooden table and six wooden chairs, along with their corresponding old-fashioned plates, glasses and cutlery, lit up in the candlelight. We noticed that everything on the table was covered in a thin veil of dust. “My apologies, the recent shocks dropped a bit of dust on the table”, he explained as he noticed us looking at the plates and moved into another room nearby. “Take your seats if you like.” We all settled onto the chairs, and blew off our plates of the dust settled there.
“When will we eat”, Matt impatiently said.
“Once Steve comes out with the food”, Mom answered. Matt sat there with a tired look on his face. Dad seemed to be in a better mood than before and it looked like he wanted to start a conversation.
“Hey, should we talk about something”, Dad asked. I then see Steve with a bowl and a silver plate.
“Here we go, may not be much, but at least it’ll fulfil the soul”, Steve said, smiling when he served us mashed potatoes and meatloaf. “So, shall we pray?” That came unexpectedly, as we are not too religious, but we were in his house and gave us shelter and food.
“Sure, we can do that”, Mom said and we all bowed our heads and put our hands together. Steve cleared his throat
“Thank you, Lord, for this good food to feed the soul in these hard times. I shall pray, in the name of the Lord and Jesus Christ, that these hard times shall be over, so we can get on with our lives. Amen.” We raised our heads and grabbed whatever food there was onto our plates. “Oh, there’s no gravy, so we have to deal with bare potaters and meatloaf.”
“Oh, not to worry. Thank you for the food”, Dad thanked Steve. We began to eat the food once we got it sorted.
“So, what brings you here”, Steve asked.
“Well, there is an evacuation order in effect for this area, so we had to go to Regina”, Dad explained, with Steve taking in every word. “So, we came from Strasbourg, we tried going south towards Regina, but we hit an obstacle in the way and we had to take another route, leading us here.”
“And we encountered a few odd things along the way”, Mom added.
“Huh, interesting. What do you guys think is going on”, Steve inquired.
“By the things we saw, we have no idea. Dinosaurs, devil dogs, hell pigs, the whole deal. I shouldn’t forget the earthquake. They told us a pipeline leak caused by the earthquake”, Dad clarified to Steve.
“Hmm… is that so”, Steve wondered. “Wonder what I think is happening? The Rapture is happening. Do you know how the Bible tells us of the end times? Good people sent to be with God and his kingdom, the rest here to suffer the Hell unleashed by Satan.” By this point, he was beginning to rant, but we couldn't stop it as we all began to feel tired and powerless. “So, the Devil will send his demons in the form of these illusions so that they can torment the sinners. It is happening, it is-” Steve manically continued as I drew towards blackness and his voice becoming less coherent. My vision is now all black.
I saw those same lights, but more rapidly than before. I then emerged onto the same clear sky, but something felt different. I can smell something in the air. I can smell what seems to be chemicals in the air. Looking down, I was terrified. Dark, grey rock in the shape of ropes and folds, similar to those I saw of lava flows on a volcano in pictures. This went on as far as the eye could see. I can see no tree this time, just the cooled lava everywhere. I then walked, feeling every bump and crag. I thought I walked forever until I heard a rumbling sound and woke up.
I am in total darkness. It is cold and it smells like cow manure. I tried to move my hand, but it seemed to be bonded behind my back by a rope. I tried to move my feet, but they were also bound by rope to the legs I tried to speak, only to realise my mouth was agape by a cloth in my mouth. I heard shuffling nearby but I could not see. It was then shone in light when Steve entered the door, holding a candle, revealing all of us in the same situation. I then can see what we are in. We are in that same wooden dilapidated barn we saw earlier and seems to be more damaged than the house, wood creaking can be heard.
“These sedatives are more effective than I thought. Maybe I should use them more often”, Steve smoothly explained, like he’s some kind of agent and began pacing. “Wonder why you are here? Well, I wondered the same thing to myself, why didn’t God take me to his heaven? When I first heard of the government telling us of those evacuation plans, I thought it was that, a leaking pipe. I began to notice things I couldn’t believe myself, at least at first. Earthquakes, weird creatures showing up, people disappearing, the whole spiel. I connected the dots. The Rapture is happening, for sure, but why me? Why was I the one left here on this Earth”, Steve calmly ranted, pacing around the barn, but it seemed to sound crazier and angrier the more he paced. “I thought I had lost my way. I’ve been unfaithful to God and his son. But, I realised that God always has a plan and he left me on this Earth to serve a purpose. I wondered what my purpose was until I had a moment.” He then stopped in place and calmed down. He turned to look at Mom with accusing yet crazed eyes.
“I’m supposed to keep the sinners here in line, to earn a place in God’s kingdom, or suffer in Hell. I know you are a sweet woman, Janice, but your treachery with Satan is over and I am going to do what’s right.” Mom then looked at all of us, with assuring eyes like that of an innocent yet caring mother we all know knew. I began crying and trying to speak through the cloth, but I was helpless to watch by. “Forgive me, Father, for what I am going to do.” He then pulled a knife from his pocket and plunged it into Mom’s neck with no mercy. I looked away once he did that, trembling, with tears pouring out and my vision glazed and I fell limp. I could see my brother tearing up, but he did not look away. I can hear Dad behind me, with his screams of agony and anger covered by the cloth. It felt like I was in slow motion, taking in every moment.
I then heard the chair, screeching as Steve dragged the chair containing Mom’s lifeless body towards the door, leaving behind a trail of blood. I couldn’t bear to see my mother like this. I shut my eyes very hard and hoped it would go away. The door then shut, leaving us alone with a candle, fearing what would come next. I stared at the candle, seeing it dance in the flames like a woman dancing in the darkness. Is this how it’ll end, I thought. End up dying to this sick man? My Mom was killed in front of me. I sobbed with that thought, then I began to think about the inevitable death of me. I hope there’s something after I die. Maybe I’ll see Mom again.
It was silent for a while, nearly no sound other than our moans. Dad seems to be fidgeting at the back of his chair, rocking it slowly. Looking past him, I shuddered at the glistening pool of blood, where Mom was last alive, could be my fate. I then see Dad release his arms from the back of the chair and remove the cloth from his mouth. He silently stood up and bent down to untie his legs from the chair legs. He then went to me and removed my cloth.
“H-h-how did you do that”, I silently wept, fearing that Steve would show up at the door and kill us all.
“My binding is loose. The old man probably took a liking to me”, Dad whispered. “I should remove your binds.” He untied them, releasing me, doing the same for Matt. “Now, we need to be quiet.” We then walked, quietly, along the painfully creaking wood in the near dark, following the blood trail, glistening in the candlelight. We cringed and dreaded each sound we made and watched the door in case it began to creak open. A few silent steps later, we made it to the door and we slowly opened it so as not to make any noise. What was revealed to us is nothing new, other than the blood trail continuing in the snow directing towards the back of the barn. “Okay, Kate, Matt, you guys run to the truck.”
“What about you”, I sobbed.
“Don’t worry about me”, Dad responded, giving me his keys and forcing them into my hand. “If I’m not back in a few minutes, leave. Don’t look back, take care of your brother, okay? I love you, no matter what happens.” He then kissed me on the head and ran to follow the blood trail. We quickly walked towards the black truck, stranded there for maybe hours. Getting closer, freedom is getting closer. When we got to a fair distance to the truck, I heard footsteps behind me and, the next thing I knew, I was knocked over to the ground into the hard snow on my face. A hand turned me over to give me a glimpse of a crazed Steve, his eyes wilder than before.
“Oh, yes, trying to escape”, he bragged. I looked at him, frozen in fear, like a deer in headlights and he caressed my face with his bloodied blade. “You do have a pretty face, but I’m afraid you are just one of Satan's creations, made to pull me to lust.” He then raised his knife in the air when a familiar side emerged, out of the blue.
Joe came and bit him in the arm that was holding the knife. Steve screamed in agony the moment he realised what happened. He shook Joe off and stood up to stand his ground. I stood up as Joe hissed and walked around the crazed being he wounded, not in fear but in aggressiveness. “Is this one of your pets, demon”, Steve screamed as Joe came in for another attack, but Steve countered that with a slash to the snout. Joe then ran away, whining, into the darkness. This sequence of events gave me the chance to enter the truck on the driver’s side. I had some trouble starting it, besides this is my first time driving a truck.
Steve menacelily walked towards the when Dad came barreling and tackled him to the ground. Dad was on top when he went limp. I finally put the keys in the engine turned it on and backed out, with memory serving me the instructions on such a vehicle. Steve pushed Dad’s body and stood up, but by that time, we left the farm.
“Turn back, we have to get Dad”, Matt cried, but I was very emotional, accepting what happened. I felt that, without my parents, I feel… useless.
“Dad’s dead”, I screamed at Matt and he began gagging uncontrollably in tears. I began to feel sorry for him. “Sorry, I, I don’t know.”
“It’s okay”, Matt sniffled. “I guess Mom and Dad are dead anyways.” It was silence for a few more minutes, tears welling in our eyes.
“Hey, our parents are in a better place”, I said, trying to make the situation positive.
“But we are stuck here, without them? Don’t we deserve to go to a better place?”
“Don’t say that”, I huffed and I paused for a bit. “I know we are in the, uh, right place now. Let me tell you something, once we get to Regina, I will take care of you, no matter what life throws at us.”
“What about Joe”, Matt asked.
“He’ll be fine. He probably found his girlfriend already.”
“Hey, don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“I, uh, I don’t have one. That I know of”, I spoke, bringing me back to Sam, remembering that she’s the only friend that I ever knew, and I left her. Without her, I felt alone, no one would ever relate. I began to tear up. “I don’t have any friends. I am alone,” I sobbed.
“What do you mean? I’m your brother!” I looked at Matt, and smiled, happy that he acknowledged that we were in this together.
“Thank you”, I thanked him. I slowly stopped on the road, just to hug Matt hard, crying my eyes out. We then heard what sounded like an elephant in front of us. We looked up to see a walking snow-covered brown fur wall with four pillar-like legs in front of us. Its curved tusks gleaned in the light and the eyes reflected in the light. The furry trunk waved around like a searching snake from a tree. We both knew what it was.
“Hey, look at that, a woolly mammoth”, Matt said, excitement running through him. At this point, we weren’t surprised.
“Yep, that is a woolly mammoth”, I added. The mammoth turned to us on the road, seemingly confused about where it was. It looked at our truck and seemed to growl, like an elephant. We are starting to realise this thing is becoming aggressive.
“Uh, should we move”, Matt asked. I remembered hearing something about standing your ground in case of an encounter with an elephant. I hoped it would work for a bigger, furrier version of one.
“No, we have to stand our ground.”
“But, it’ll attack u-”
“Trust me!” I then honked my horn and it backed up. It then rushed, then stopped, a mock charge. Eventually, it moved out of the road, disappearing into the darkness. We sighed in relief.
“That was close”, Matt sighed. I then continued to drive in the night, headlights leading the way. The road is bumpy, as noticed by every ditch and peak we hit, but surprisingly, Matt was fast asleep. I began to get comfortable driving and used to the road by that point. It was silent for a while until we hit a smaller intersection. That is when the truck shut down, completely and stopped. I tried the gas many times but with no effect. There is no light, nothing. It is near-darkness here, shone only by the moonlight.
“Shit”, I yelled, desperate to turn the truck on without much success. Matt woke up, confused.
“What happened”, he yawned.
“The truck turned itself off. I can’t get it back on”, I fretted and at that moment, Matt was just as panicked as I am.
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know. One moment, we were driving, another it just-”, I quavered, when I heard something rustle in the distance. We stood still, hoping whatever it was didn’t find us. I looked around, hoping to see something in the moonlight. I then see a long, walking animal. It looked like some sort of alligator at first, except for a dinosaur-like head. Once I strained my eyes to the darkness, my fear levels rose as I could see it walk on its hind limbs, with its forelimbs dangling nearly touching the ground.
It was wandering around on the road when I heard a near-crocodilian growl at Matt’s side of the truck. Another of those creatures appeared, seemingly looking into the window like a hungry bear, giving us a chance to see its scaly head. Its exposed alligator teeth gleaned in the light like knives, but more terrifying was the eye. Its serpentine pupil shone brilliantly in the light like eyes in the dark. It then ducked down, gave a hiss, and moved towards the other one. A few more showed up and formed a group.
“What should we do”, Matt asked. “Should we stay?” I looked around, hoping for another way to escape them without them noticing. I further strained my eyes and mentally mapped out the area. There is a cemetery on my right-hand side, a grain bin storage yard on my left and a series of trailers on the other side of the highway, which is ahead of us, from the storage area. There, I see a series of white, storage buildings, something we can go to and wait it out inside.
“Okay, so slowly open the door”, I instructed Matt. The click of the doors opening cringed us. We looked at the group, but there was no response from them. We then, as slowly as we could, opened the door and stepped out. Still no response. Matt then quietly ran to the other side, towards me. “Okay, we are going into the storage yard and go to the other entrance”, I said, pointing to the other right-hand corner. I wanted to get as far away from these things as possible before making a safe crossing. “Then, we cross the highway on the other side, run into the buildings and stay there for the night. Are you ready?”
“I guess”, he whispered, looking at me in fearful doubt.
“We are going to do this”, I whispered back. We then silently ran over, having to rely on our night-adapted eyes, to the corner, walking past the bins. We made it and nothing behind us so far. “We’re good so far.” We then crossed the road and noticed nothing. We noticed a tanker truck, leaking some sort of fluid across the road. I easily recognized it as fuel, based on its distinctive, sickly smell. I wouldn’t be worried about it if it weren’t for a collapsed light pole that is somehow still flickering with electricity near the area where the fuel would be flowing. We quickly avoided the fluid when I froze to see the group of the walking alligators, running towards us. “Run!” Matt tried to run, but one of those things appeared and clamped its jaws at the back of his neck. He yelped in pain and it took him down to the ground. “Matt”, I yelled, helplessly watching as the creature tore into him.
Matt reached out his arm before the others came to him, then a flash of fire came. At this point, I knew what happened, but I couldn’t even think before it exploded. It blew me towards the building, far away. I was knocked out for a few seconds before I regained consciousness, groaning in pain on the ice. I noticed something especially painful just below my chest. I reached towards the area with my hand. I pressed on it, more painful than ever and raised my hand, only to see blood, brightened by the fire. I realised I was wounded, maybe by shrapnel made by the explosion.
I looked toward where the truck was and all I saw was a blaze. Those things weren’t there, at least. I also noticed something else, too, there’s no Matt. I tried to look around for something, some sort of sign of my brother within the fire, but I saw none. I then wept, realising I had failed. I have failed to keep him safe. I have failed to give him a better life. I failed him as a sister. I could’ve done better. The thoughts poured in as tears glazed my eyes. At that moment, I failed to look around me.
I noticed a dark thing beside the blaze. I thought it was Matt, preparing to greet him back, even though I knew he couldn’t survive the explosion. The image became clearer and clearer as I noticed it was one of the walking crocs that, glazed by the fire, was coming towards me.
“Just kill me”, I screamed, preparing to painfully die to meet my maker. The creature was about to attack me when something large, silent as the wind, came charging and clamped down its massive jaws, filled with conical teeth on the hapless creature and raised it. The crocodile struggled before going limp with a crunch within its strong jaws. The big, dark and scaly monster that it is towered over me and is as long as a bus, possibly longer. Its large legs are a contradiction to its small arms that hide beneath its scarred, bulky body.
It turned to look at me with an oddly bird-like expression, revealing in the firelight numerous scars from battles I could never know and looked at me with its beady bird-like eyes, breathing out wisps from its nostrils like a dragon in the cool air. I recognized it as a creature I know too well, a T. Rex. I breathed heavily and sickly, looking at the thing, nearly expecting me to drop the body and go after me. Instead, it simply walked away, carrying its bloody prize with it, and steadily retreated into the darkness.
I then lay down in agonizing exhaustion on my back, thinking of the next step of action like I'm on a suicide mission I would never come back from. I looked in the direction of the graveyard and had one thought. I guess I am dying. a graveyard will do. I struggled to stand up, noticing my blood-soaked clothes and felt a broken left leg. I grasped my wound, limping step by step and enduring the sharp pain while shaking in the cold. Every step I took, I remembered all the memories, good or bad, that I had with my parents. My brother. My friends. My family. I eventually reached the cemetery and slouched at a tree.
“Guess I’m joining you, guys”, I said, speaking to the snow-covered gravestones, only to hear something. A familiar sound of chirping emerged and, lit by the blaze, it was a sight I can hope for. “Joe, what are you doing here”, I depressingly cheered as Joe went to me and curled up in my lap as if he were a cat. I noticed the new-found scar he had on his little snout, but I paid no mind as I petted him. “I guess you came back. Thank you so much for what you did”, I thanked him, not expecting such a loyal creature would be with me, comforting me, to the end, like what my mother used to do when I was a newborn. I heard another noise, this time a deep rumble.
I thought it was another earthquake coming, but it got louder the closer it got to me, becoming more animalistic only felt small vibrations I barely felt. Joe stayed put, oddly enough, as T. Rex, different from the first one, came. It walked towards us until it stopped short of us. It began to produce a low-pitched, bird-like purring, attracting Joe. I realised something, that this T. Rex is Joe’s parent. He joined the rest like him, whom they showed up and all chirped around.
The grown Rex then brought its snout closer to me, not to kill me, but to look at me. It did not reveal its teeth and was still purring. I put my hand out and its nose came close to it. It rubbed it against my hand and started to pet its cold, scaly skin as it breathed through its nose and put it on my chest. I rested my head on it before it pulled away. It gave out a hiss, but I knew it wasn’t that of a threat, but more of a thank you for bringing its small, sometimes immature, child home.
That gave me relief, as it felt like I at least did something for once. They walked away, along with Joe, towards the darkness amongst the gravestones in the cemetery. I glimpsed one last desperate look at Joe before walking beside his parent. I looked up at the sky and I could see all the stars, twinkling, and the dancing green auroras. I began to feel limp and felt the cold embrace of death coming over me, tears pouring out of my eyes. The sky then grew brighter and brighter, the stars faded into the light and I could see my family welcoming me to a new home. It then slowly went black, darker than a cave.
You would think this is the end of me. It wasn’t, or else I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I eventually woke up in a hospital in Regina. I was told I was rescued by a team that transported me while I was in a coma. The doctors said I was very lucky to be alive, as the shrapnel narrowly avoided my vital organs. After that, I was adopted into a new family, but I was only with them for a couple of years before finding a new job and moving out.
As for Sam, I don’t know what happened to her. I would like to think she is safe, somewhere else. As for my family, I think of them all the time. I was in a depressive period right after that. Eventually, over the years, I accepted that they were gone and went to a better place. For Joe, I would like to think he is all grown up, like his parents, and becoming the king of the jungle. I hope we meet again.
As for the evacuated area, it wasn’t some pipeline rupture that caused an evaluation, but an anomaly, with the exact reason not known. There are excuses for the claims of weird stuff going on in there, from disease to chemicals, to eventually a previously unknown geological event, but I saw through it all.
You may ask how, it's because I've been there. Take it or leave it, this is the story I have. As the decade came by, cover-ups were made to hide it, even walls were put around it. Since the incident, the exclusion zone grew from a mere 80 kilometers in diameter to 460 kilometers in diameter, emptying entire cities of the likes of Regina and Saskatoon. I had to move to North Battleford, by the recommendation from the same government covering it up, making me think that time will tell before the floodgates of truth open.
The anomaly didn’t have a name initially, however, over the years, everyone agreed on one name in particular: The Saskatchewan Anomaly.

Need actual advice. I’ve added full context to our issues as i am seeking true guidance, so please ease don’t be rude. I’m 40M; wife 35F.
Over the last 10 weeks my wife’s behavior towards me has worsened and worsened without any direct reasoning. Shes an alpha (Brazilian) and has always had OCD issues which manifest in her trying to control most of our lives. Some of this has been positive though a lot has been negative. I’ve spent years unsuccessfully adapting my behavior to meet her expectations, some of which were reasonable, others not.
Over the last 10 weeks her behavior towards me during disagreements or moments of frustration have worsened and worsened. Shes began crossing lines to a point that I no longer recognize the person I married. After our most recent disagreement she was so disrespectful i told her I couldn’t continue the conversation and had to leave the house.
I don’t have anyone to vent to. My mom passed away and I don’t want to bring this up w any family bc I don’t want to give them a negative view of her.
Important Context: I was laid off 5 months ago and have been getting unemployment benefits since as I look for work. At the time I was making $110k and she was making $80k. About 4 years ago we were given a farmhouse from my father and are finally ready to finish renovating after getting a very low APR loan. Jointly and recently we made the decision that I should focus all my efforts on finishing the house while looking for work as I have the funds to pay the mortgage on my own for the next few years if needed even w out work. This would give us a house w low mortgage to eventually have a family and/or allow for her to quit her job once I found work as she is unhappy commuting 45 mins two ways each day. Between looking for work I’ve been focusing all my efforts on making the blueprints for house and getting ready to submit to county.
I think she’s becoming resentful that I’m not working and she is though I’m not sure. I fully admit I’m not perfect and I’ve got my own quirks. I can be a pain in the butt. That said, I don’t deserve this shit. I’m becoming resentful towards her as I see the incredible future WE could have if she could find a way to deal with the next year. It feels like a slap in the face.