Hi !
I see a lot of people finding it hard getting a job or a job in a certain pay bracket.
Personally I believe a lot of it starts at mindset.
Life isn’t a race, you cannot expect to start off in first place and sometimes there will be people overtaking you or progressing faster, and that’s absolutely fine, there will always be someone bigger faster better. The thing that matters the most is that you have a continuing progress and keep on track.
Here is my own personal career broke down for you >

1. Novartis ( Pharma ) / Assistant role ( Switzerland )
   
2. OZ / sales role ( Germany )
   
3. AP aluminium / loading aluminium on ships ( France )
   
4. Lidl / sales assistant ( UK )
   
5. Hotel / Night Porter ( UK )
   
6. Ebay / support Assistant ( UK / Remote )
   
7. Ebay / Account Manager ( UK Remote )
   
8. Ebay / Senior Account Manager ( UK Remote )
   

I listed this for a simple reason.
My first job paid me about 3-4 times the money as my lidl and hotel job, sometimes you step down in the career ladder for whatever reasons, but the most important part is to keep going, even if it’s work you don’t like or isn’t the best paid, it’s not just about gaining money, it’s also good to show employers that you are always on the ball, no matter what the job is, you are out there working.
Adding to this, I have not applied to eBay , they contacted me due to my CV, they asked me to apply with them officially just for the sake of it, but basically told me beforehand they want me to work there it’s just the official process.
I have no degrees, no qualifications. I have a good work ethic and never missed work unless I was that sick that I needed to actually be in hospital.
Also adding to this, I never cared a lot about my salary, it’s better to make 12£ an hour over 0£ an hour and benefits.
However everyone has their own motivation, you just need to find yours, I personally don’t care about money at all, I drive a old car and buy clothes from primark even though I am on a 6 figure salary, my motivation is my kids.
This is not a hate or shame post by the way, it’s more so to motivate people, get out there and do something, no matter what. A positive attitude and body language can go a far way. Negativity can jump from you to your interviewer and that’s that already. And you can be negative without saying anything negative, facial expressions, body language , tone of voice etc.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. He lives in Cuba and I live in the US. We talked for a short while when in true Cuban fashion, we became a couple a month to the day after we met. Prior to meeting him, I had no idea how dire the situation was in Cuba but after meeting him I did my research and saw how bad it is for its citizens. Since meeting him, l've been to Cuba three times. The first two times I stayed for a week, and the third time I stayed for two. Our chemistry is amazing and we always have a great time together and I am so in love with him that it's not even funny.
The thing is, not long after I fell in love with him, I started noticing things that were questionable to me. The first were multiple articles about women being duped into love scams by jineteros (or Cuban male prostitues) basically all of the articles said the same thing. That Cubans are notoriously unfaithful and that they will use an American or Canadian citizen for a green card and that even their girlfriends and wives and the rest of their families may be in on it too. When I questioned him about it, he asked me if it would be fair for him to judge me by all Americans, which of course it wouldnt be, but I just keep seeing and hearing this everywhere.
The kicker was when I was on Facebook one day and came across his daughter's mom profile and her cover photo was a photo of them together. I asked him about this as well and he said that he didn't know that was her cover photo and that he was going to ask her to take it down, And she did a few days later, but it's still bothering me. The thing is, he doesn't have to use me for a green card. I already completed the parole sponsorship before we even became a couple (honestly I would do it for anyone who wants to leave that country? And I have told him multiple times that he's not obligated to be with me. And he tells me that he doesn't want to go back to being friends and if I break up with him, he will just stay in Cuba even though I told him that I would still support him, but only as a friend.
He swears that he's not playing me and that he has told me the truth about everything and that he really loves me, but at this point the suspicion is becoming too much and lately l've just been thinking of ending thngsi with him. And I think he’s getting over it too because of my constant accusations. What should I do?

Buckle up because this might be long. My (21F) friend (22F) named G and I have been best friends since freshman year and lived together starting sophomore year, along with our other friends R (21F) and L (21F). We are the all the same age, but G graduated a year earlier than the rest of us. I will try to summarize as best I can (I can give more specifics in the comments) but in the middle of sophomore year G accessed a repressed memory of inappropriate behavior from a family member. This caused her to essentially experience a mental break that manifested in increased outbursts and a slew of destructive decisions, which ultimately resulted in a Bipolar 1 diagnosis.
Throughout junior year the unstable behavior only worsened and it began to affect our relationships. It got to the point that over winter break she decided to move out of our apartment, saying that she was becoming resentful and frustrated with us because she was graduating and at a different stage of life than we were and therefore had decided to remove herself from the situation to salvage our friendships. After moving out, she continued to essentially "live" in our room by lingering around without explicitly meeting up with one of us roomates or leaving her things around the apartment, which made it difficult for us to define the new version of our relationship and set boundaries. We did our best to support her and be understanding through her harsher nature and lack of consideration for others, but R was not as able to see the situation from another perspective. She tended to take G's harsh comments to heart and resentment built throughout the spring semester until the relationship was irreparable, which led to 2 fights between the 4 of us with G blowing up at us.
After G graduated she moved out of state for a job. We hoped that this would naturally settle tensions, but ultimately their relationship wasn't salvageable and it led to the end of L and I's relationship with R as well because we "chose G over her". While G was out of state she spiraled further: she became manic, experienced psychosis, tried to self-admit to the mental hospital, and was fired from her job. After getting fired, she decided to move back to our home state, but because of her extremely strained relationship with her family she asked if she could briefly move into my family's home while I was living at school as a transition while she figured out her next move. This is where the problem arises.
The original plan was that she would stay for around a month or two but she back on her feet by Thanksgiving, however, she is still living there now in May with no plans of leaving anytime soon. No one, including her, realized just how bad her mental state was. As it turns out, most of her personality and habits were defense mechanisms and trauma responses from her childhood, and now that she has lost the ability to "mask" and adapt, it's like she is relearning how to be an aware and active member of society.
She is very easily overstimulated and any slight problem can throw her completely off, sometimes for days at a time. For example, we planned a small trip to visit a friend an hour away for G's birthday. G planned out her outfits with me the night before and then went to the guest room where she has been staying to pack. The next morning when it was right before the time we had decided to leave, I checked on her and asked if she wanted to go load the car, to which she snapped at me, yelled, and proceeded to essentially throw a short tantrum complete with jumping and door slamming. According to my parents this is not an uncommon occurrence- they have heard her throwing things across her room and often experience her outbursts, sometimes becoming the target of them. This has all had a negative effect on our relationship. It has improved over the months, but I have been consistently extremely uncomfortable with her and wanting to distance myself. Firstly, I just don't desire to be around someone who behaves that way. It is constantly like walking on eggshells and it feels like I'm always "on" and working to manage someone else's unpredictable emotions.
Secondly, I have been having a LOT of feelings about her living at my house. This has subsided a lot since the fall, but when she first moved in it was meant to be temporary, and therefore, she stayed in my bedroom. This came to a head when I came home for break to find my room essentially trashed with no effort from her to clean up for me. My room was not in the greatest state when I left it, but I came home to things like the blankets strewn about my bed, her dirty socks buried in my blankets and by my pillows, and half eaten chocolate left on the floor. After this she moved fully to the guest room, which has helped, but she has since started talking about wanting to decorate "her room", which is making me upset because it's not her room to decorate: that would imply that she is a permanent resident rather than a guest.
Thirdly, her behavior towards my family has been frankly unacceptable. Her outbursts have been directed towards both my parents and my special needs sister. None of us are particularly confrontational so it has never been explicitly brought up, but I am extremely offended that she would accept the kindness of my family to house and feed her and to still treat them with such disrespect. She also does not make an effort to be a good houseguest in other regards: only does she not do anything to help with the chores of the household, but she actively adds to the mess (doesn't do her dishes, leaves her packages on the kitchen table, etc). I know that much of this is due to her degraded mental state, but it truly feels like she is a leech. I hate feeling this way.
I believe that she is completely unaware of how any of this comes off to others based on conversations she's had with both me, L, and my mom. She continues to hold grudges and negative feelings about things from months/years ago towards L & I. For example, when she used to live with us, L and I would frequently find food to be missing that we had bought, sometimes containers completely eaten and left empty on the shelf. When we expressed frustration that G would take food without asking and then wait to be caught rather than asking beforehand or notifying us after, she told us that she essentially felt entitled to our food because we could afford to buy food and she couldn't. This is a consistent theme where L and I would have been more than willing to help out if she had asked, but we were upset under a matter of principle because it's still our stuff! I am definitely not completely blameless, but I wouldn't say that I have done nearly as much to harm our relationship. G has an inability to see any other perspective than her own, and she has yet to understand that she is not the only one who has felt hurt in our friendship.
My parents have been at a loss for how to handle the situation. They don't want to throw her out to the wolves (none of her other family is an option), but at the same time, it is almost a year since she moved in, which is 10x longer than they were anticipating. Additionally, her therapist has been telling her that she is not ready to move out on her own and is not ready to work a "big girl job", so she has been working at Starbucks since around October and is likely not financially stable enough to live on her own. There is the potential of finding roomates to live with (she has tried a couple but they have all fallen through), but another issue is I'm not sure if she has been saving her money. She frequently makes purchases on amazon, gets take out food (after my parents buy groceries specifically for her), got a $200 tattoo, and discussed buying $250 concert tickets at the table with my family.
My mom has been especially unsure of how to approach her in a way that won't "set her off", so she recently asked G if she could contact her therapist to ask some questions about how to discuss the future of the living situation, but it is unclear how that will play out (a conversation with the 3 of them, my mom communicating with the therapist, etc).
What do I do in this situation? I do have love for her, but truthfully, it's been diminishing throughout this situation and I want her out of my space as soon as possible. Maybe it's selfish, but I can't fully relax when I'm at home when she's there and I feel guilty for introducing my family to this predicament. I would be a bad friend if I threw her out, but just because she has it worse does that negate my feelings? I feel bad because her family situation is very toxic and she is clearly unpacking her childhood and grieving her lack of parental support, but it feels like it is manifesting in jealousy with my situation and resulting in her feeling entitled to my family, home, and life. It truly feels like she is taking advantage of my family but I also know she really doesn't have another option. At what point does it stop being "their problem"? Please Help! AITA?

This is a deadly campaign, which means that there is always the possibility of a tok or death.
My D&D experience: 1 year
My DM experience: A few one-shots and disbanded Homebrewed Lost Mines of Phandelver. I have been DMing this campaign since July.
I will do my best to make the world as immersive as possible, but I am not Matt or Brendan. If you would like to join, please read the information below and then DM on Discord. I will know if you have read all the information based on what you sent to me.

Time

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Korea Standard Time	Fri at 0930 -1200 KST
British Summer Time	BST Fri at 0030 - 0300
Pacific Time	Thu at 1630 - 1900 PST
Mountain Time	Thu at 1730 - 2000 MST
Central Time	Thu at 1830 - 2100 CST
Eastern Time	Thu at 1930 - 2200 EST

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Campaign Elevator Pitch

"Prepare for a wild ride in 'The Ballad,' where being a prisoner is just the beginning. Valeria's got a proposition that's too good to refuse – or maybe too dangerous to decline. Join our morally ambiguous group of misfits, where every decision is a game-changer and trust is a rare commodity. It's not your typical redemption story – more like a redemption with a side of snark and a dash of shadowy secrets. Will you rise to the occasion, or let the shadows swallow you whole? Get ready for a rollercoaster of secrets, sarcasm, and a chance at redemption that might just cost you everything. Welcome to a world where even the shadows have an attitude."

Truths of this Campaign

What are the most important things you want your players to understand about the world and the campaign?

• I have only had to add new players twice in the 11 months I've been running this campaign. This will be the third. Core group has been together for a majority of the campaign.
  
• A high-fantasy, high-magic inspired by “suicide squad” campaign. The party is currently at 8 players, but after almost a year (11 months) one of my players must take a break from thr game. You will start at level 8, the party started at level 3. We are at session 31. The campaign is planned to go all to 20 and will be broken up into smaller arcs that allow for natural breaks after each arc. In this way, no one gets burned out, and players can leave and be added naturally.
  
• You will have two feats. There are homebrew rules/mechanics in the game including a homebrewed specialized job system tied to skills, a death save system, a resting system, a gorilla race with 3 subraces, a lizardfolk subrace, and a [WIP] crafting system. A lot of the systems are created to allow for more agency during games as well as allow for smoother downtime activities. My current players seem to enjoy it.
  
• Any published non-UA material is allowed for character creation. UA material must be discussed beforehand. Unfortunately, I will not accept homebrew races or classes as I believe that would be unfair to the current players.
  
• This campaign currently is in the continent of Ka’an (pronounced: Ka-ahn). Which is 1 of 7 major continents of Eruliafa (pronounced: Eh-ul-e-afa).
  
• The current party makeup: A Cavalier Fighter, A Divine Sorcerer, A Stars Druid/Arcana Cleric, A Sandstrider [HB Race] Beastmaster Ranger.
  
• I give out a lot of magic items and have given put feats for rewards/plot reasons, so characters are stronger in this campaign than a normal one. Encounters have been tuned to take this into account. Currently players can deal with encounters that are on average +1.5 higher than normal. They have come close to a tpk three times.
  
• All the players have been convicted of some type of crime, but it does not make them evil, nor does the crime have to be of an evil nature. If you have read this far there will be a list at this link:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hLK2pNMIHkrCxG03O5beQnb55WrVhQaWiN7WH1hOGQE/edit#bookmark=id.z7t99cxkp71eYou should read it and choose the best fit for the type of player you are and DM Kojaq on Discord with it.
  
• The current party is trying to uncover the death of a diplomat in the capital city of Zinara. They just escaped imprisonment by a creature of the Farscape Demiplane masquerading as a local casino owner. They have found a journal that has clued them into something called "Project HD," whose purpose was to turn a souless simulacrum body into a flesh and blood for the purpose of being a host.
  
• If you want to skim through the various documents I have created for my homebrew, you can check the links below:
  
  • https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/PPipJqomn5-O → The Rules of the Table (includes homebrew races/subraces, mechanics, and rules)
  • https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/jIwUxmtY-htK → A work-in-progress homebrewed crafting system.
• I will have voice interviews to see if people are a good fit. If accepted we will have a 1-on-1 collaborative session for character creation.
  

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UNMARKED SPOILERS BELOW, I will sadly go into spoiler territorry so often the post would look like a bad SCP Foundation article if I tried to black out every single one.
First thing I thought upon finding out about the Wizard Three in Sigil was to notice an opportunitty to include more iconic characters. As we learned more about their role I noticed several complaints about them. Like, "why are we having epic level NPCs relegating the work to mid-level party"? Or "isn't Tasha evil? What is she doing here?" Or "how the hell did Kas fool Tasha, who knows Mordekainen very well?". And so an idea to fix these issues all at once presented itself to me.
In this version of adventure, the PCs are summonned not by Wizard Three, but Wizard Nine. Nine iconic, high-level wizards or other magic users from across D&D worlds or even beyond. They were all summonned to Sigil, to each tap into one of Outer Planes of appriopriate aligment and channel that power into Wish, so the Will of the entire multiverse wishes of Vecna's death. Once it fails, the wizards realize it means one of them must nto be who they claim, possibly an agent of Vecna. So they immediatelly lock themselves in Sanctuary - only PCs can enter and leave because they weren't i nthe room doing the casting of that super Wish. And every time they return with next piece of the Rod, they find Wizards in most disfunctional game of Among Us ever, often probably erupting into violence - this is nine geniuses working AGAINST each other as everyone suspects everyone.
Now, you could keep the original reveal, where Mordekainen is the imposter. If you do, I would advocate against bringing any magic users who know him, like Tasha, Elminster, Storm Silverhand or Dalamar the Dark. If you decide to change the imposter's identity, you can happily bring in some of them, but I would avoid those who know each other (so if you want Elminster, then no Mordekainen or Dalamar).
Evil characters can work with this group because of several reasons, which they should be open about. They may vary from "You think I don't realize Vecna is going to screw ME over alongside everyone else", through "uppity gods need to be put in their place, especially this one" to "I would love what the guy is promising to do to all creation, but I'm not bending my knee to NOBODY!".
Below is a list of proposed characters to use from as many worlds I could think of. I will be comign back to this post to add more names and more worlds with further research, potentially going even beyond strictly D&D settings. You ca drop your own suggestions, I will happily add them to the list with next edit. All requirements are that the character is able to cast 9th level spells, if you have any notes for potential DM willing to use them, please provide them as well.
Eberron - I noticed most of suggestions for Eberron are of evil variety, due to the setting's lack of high-level heroic NPCs (with two exceptions that cannot leave their seats of power), but we'll work with what we have

• Mordain the Fleshweaver is the most popular suggestion, being a rare Chaotic Evil 18th level Wizard in Eberron. An issue is that Mordain is often used, and even recommended by Keith Baker to be used as Eberron's stand-in for Vecna. If you wanna run adventures with Hand or Eye of Vecna in Eberron, they are hand and Eye of Mordain. This may disqualify him, but you could alternatively play into it. Have Mordain rant Vecna is "ripping him off" or call the lich "a pale immitation of true dark sorcery".
• Hektula is Keith Baker's personal choice for a standin for Tasha. She is a pwoerful Rakshasa Archmage, with passion for collecting forbidden tomes of dark magic, serving one of the Overlords and firmly Lawful Evil. I certainly could see some laughs when wizards realize there's an impostor among them and all eyes turn towards Hektula, who goes "Of course, blame the shapeshifter!".
• I have seen floated idea for Sora Kell or her three daughters. The Daughters canonically in 3rd edition had levels 10 or 11 on top of being half-fiend Hags. You could maybe handwave that they get to cast 9th level spells as a coven, Sora Kell is more ambigious, with no statblock and her lore giving vibes of Baba Yaga, fans compare her to Demon Lords in power level. Personally I feel she would stand out too much.

Exandria (Critical Role) - I noticed most Exandria characters don't reach this high level - even Circle of Brass from Calamity were level 15. However, I found two options to provide a bit of fanservice for any critters at your table, both Chaotic Good:

• the Mighty Nein Reunion got us level 20 versions of Caleb Widogast, so he's great excuse for a DM to do their best Liam O'Brian impression of angsty bi diseaster wizard who really wishes he was back with his boyfriend, instead of being trapped here with all those asshole wizards.
• Not a wizard but a Bard, but if you want to bend a defintion a bit, Scanlan Shorthalt could be pulled out from a moment in time before he lost an ability to cast Wish. Considering this happens in final episode of Campaign 1 and their final enemy was Vecna, it would be thematically appriopriate.

Krynn (Dragonlance)

• Raistlin Majere is by FAR msot iconic character of the entire Dragonlance, the go to if you want to include an iconic Dragonlance character. Dragonlance Saga 15 anniversarry lists his aligment as Neutral, while 3rd edition book Legends of the Twins lits him as a Neutral Evil - the latter is after he becomes master of Time and Present and so powerful enough to be included.
• Dalamar the Dark - after Raistlin's demise, Dalamar was touted as new most powerful wizard, he was paired with Mordekainen and Elminster to form original Wizard Three. He is also listed as Neutral Evil, but I would argue he could be Lawful Evil.
• Fistandantilus - the greatest wizard before Raistlin, he is also Neutral Evil, but I woudl argue he's more CHaotic Evil, due to his tendency to backstab other wizards to steal their power. I honestly cannot see this guy working in this adventure, he seems like he would try to bodyjack someone and get 8 Desintegrates to the face.
• Phalin Majere - if you want a good-aligned representative of Krynn, Raistlin's nephew, Phalin is basically a magical prodigy and chosen one and firmly Lawful Good. The issue may be that it may be hard to find a time where he is powerful enough to be here, but before Wizard magic on Krynn went away (because all Gods, including Gods of magic, f*ed off to space and then had the whole planet stolen from under their noses) and he had to reclass to Sorcerer, starting all the way from the bottom.

Magic the Gathering - there are many worlds in this franchise, but they're often very shallow, so I will group this stuff together.

• My first pick would be Liliana Vess, originally from Dominaria, nowadays hanging out on Arcavios, home world of Strixheaven. Strixheaven book lists her as true neutral, and she has a history full of twists and turns where this character development from original evil could be justified. Personality-wise she could be the easiest quick replacement for Tasha, even if you don't feel like putting in the whole group of nine wizards. Also if you have player bringign back a Curricullum of Chaos PC for this game I can only imagine their jaw drop upon seeing "Provesso Vess" among greatest wizards in the Multiverse, snarking at all of them.
• Teferi Akosa, originally from Dominaria, now his homeland of Zalfir became a separate plane. He was always extremely powerful, what if accidentially phasing his whole country out of time and space, he was always heroic and good intended, but often prone of getting unwaranted suspictions from others, which makes him good for this kind of plot.
• From Ravnica we could pull either Jace Beleren or the dragon-mage Niv-Mizzet, during their respective time as the Living Guildpact, representative of all 10 Guilds of Ravnica. In this position their could fit well for neutral-aligned places of aligment chart, Jace leaning towards Neutral Good or Lawful Neutral somewhat more.
• Speaking of Dragons, here is a crazy idea - Nicol Bolas, one of greatest villains in Magic as Chaotic Evil representative. Okay, it may be not a good idea, I cannot imagine a situation where he doesn't try to hijack the plot and take Vecna's place or just kill everyone when the problem of potential traitor arises. Still, the idea of this really evil demigod-drgon being his petty, snarky self towards other iconic characters is kinda funny.
• For a reach more into Magic's past, we have Urza, original protagonist. He would fit well into Lawful Neutral or even Lawful Evil role, considering last time he dedicated himself to stop multiversal-level threat, original Phyrexia, his means quickly "begun resembling Phyrexian ends". This is the guy who honestly tried to outeugenics a wizard nazi "for greater good". Seriously, so much of Magic lore can be summed up with words "Local Man Ruins Everything" and picture of Urza.
• A different type of Magic candidate is Jodah, ultrapowerful Archmage who is not a planeswalker like others, but had often maneuver around them, so he is used to having to outsmart powerful people. He represents all colors of mana so he would fit for any of middle collum positions.
• Jodah old associate, Jaya Ballard, could also work very well, considering she did eventually ecame so powerful some planes confused her with a diety and established religions to her. She strikes me as a Neutral Good candidate.

Mystara - one of my beloved classic worlds, poses an issue because it never conformed to classic 9-types aligment, isntead opting for lawful (defined as "altruistic") and chaotic ("selfish"). A rare exception, 2e book Glantri: Kingdom of Magic, was a big help here.

• Prince Haldemar of Haaken - protagonist of series of short stories "Voyage of Princess Ark". Daring explorer, captain of flying ship Princess Ark, hero of Empire of Alphatia. Champions of Mystara describes him as good and heroic but having "typical Alphatian chaotic thendencies". As such I'd lean towards Chaotic Good or Neutral Good.
• Bargle the Infamous - Chaotic Evil, if D&D ever had something close to the Joker, it was Bargle. Bargle was originally an evil wizard who kills mentolove interest of the player in introductory adventure of Red Box, but this made him enemy #1 of whole generations of players and elevated to first iconic evil wizard. I would be wary of using him, as any D&D veteran or grognard may forget about Vecna in favor of trying to strangle the guy with his bare hands.
• Demetrion Karagentreropolus - most powerful Archmage in Empire of Thyatis (think: fantasy Roman Empire), he is of lawful aligment and described as sometiems working secretly to undermine Emperor's decisions that he finds to be bad for the Empire and its people. As such he could slot as Lawful Good.
• Empress Eriadna the Wise of Alphatia - current Empress of Alphatia, canonically of Neutral aligment, she rules msot powerful empire in the world and probably haven't conquered all of it only because her subjects care more for magical research and getting high. She's 80-years old.
• Prince Zandor - 40-years old son of empress Eriadna, described as "chaos personified", his aligment is "Chaotic (very)". Thanks to Mr. Welch it became popular to play him as wizard version of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. Use him if you want a comic relief.
• Master Terari - former Emperor of Alphatia, he abdicated in favor of Eriadna and disappeared, he now runs magic school in a small kingdom of Karameikos, he is working to ascend to Immortality (basically godhood without calling it so).
• Principalities of Glantri have multiple Princes of various all kinds of aligment. The country got 2e book which gave them classic aligment., I will list them below, but two I would avoid are Eitienne d'Amberville and Jaggar von Drachenfels, since they are actually Immortals (Rad, patron of magic and Diamond,, discount Bahamut, respectively). Immortals officially aren't Gods, but this is often a distinction without difference, so I cannot see them showing up in Sigil without Lady of Pain nuking the whole building.
• Princess Carnelia de Belcadiz y Fedorias (Lawful Neutral, extremely beautiful, known for her horrible temper) and Princess Carlotina Erewan ((LG, basically discount Galadriel) rule two Elven principalities, the latter rules more traditional Elves, the former's subjects are...Spanish Elves. Yes, really. They do not like each other.
• On the evil side we have Prince Morphail Gorevitch-Woszlany (wizard Nosferatu, which is like Vampire with less weaknesses, he's Strahd on steroids), Princess Dolores Hilsbury (actually a Night Dragon, undead dragon-shaped mosnter, in disguise) and Prince Brannart McGregor (lich, he's actually from real-world Scotland, I kid you not). All three are Chaotic Evil and hide their true nature, though considering Morphail looks like he walked out of set of Dracula, they aren't trying very hard.
• Rounding Glantri princes we have Prince Jherek Virayana (Neutral, master of illusions, he deflected to Glantri from their mortal enemies, Ethengar Khanates, so he is used to being under suspiction for treachery) and Prince Harald Haaskinz (LG, he's kinda new guy in the club).

Oearth (Greyhawk)

• I don't want to spend much time on Oerth since I suspect anyone using this will use either Mordekainen and/or Tasha, who are already in the module. But some alternatives could be any of wizards who have spells named after them - Bigby is neutral, Tenser is Lawful Good, Leomund is Lawful Neutral or Lawful Good, Nystrul is Neutral, Rary is Neutral Evil

Toril (Forgotten Realms)

• Alustriel was already included. She and her five sisters (not counting Dove Silverhand, who is a Ranger and a Ghost) all fit similair role as "big good immortal sorcerress". With exception of Alassra Silverhand a.k.a. Simbul the Witch-Queen, who is Chaotic Neutral, they're all Chaotic Good, so I see little point switching Alustriel for another one if you want CG spot to be fit by someone from Toril. I would also be wary of using Storm Silverhand, who, according to Ed Greenwood, helped real Mordekainen recover after his role in Curse of Strahd and has a "friends with benefits" relationship with him.
• Elminster is also Chaotic Good, I don't get why WotC shy away from using him. I get he is controversial, but his exclusion has been kinda awkward here. They really don't think Kas can fool Elminster, but he can fool Tasha? As far as I know only one of them slept with Mordekainen, like come on! Anyway, if you want to use him, Elmisnter is also Chaotic Good, so kinda redundant with other Choosen of Mystra.
• Larloch the Shadow-King or Szass Tam could each work as a powerful lawful evil lich, that allies with the good guys out of spite against interloper god that dared throw their weight around and claim godhood over THEIR world. Larloch in particular is no stranger of going against gods and their servants, who seek to rewrite rules of magic that is basic of his power - just ask Shar and her servants at Shade Enclave.
• While characters from Baldur's Gate 3 end their adventure around 13th level, Book Minsc & Boo's Journal of Villain contains statblocks of multiple characters from previous two games. Edwin Odesserion, infamous Red Wizard of Thay, is among them, powerful enough to fit in the group.

Domains of Dread (Ravenloft) - I put this one last because of unique use we could have out of Domaind of Dread in this campaign. You see, we know that characterstrapped in Demiplane of Dread cannot leave that easily, they need Dark Powers' permission. And Dark Powers are backing up Kas. I have also seen multiple complaints how both main antagonists of this campaign - Vecna nad Kas - are absent from most of it, with many ideas being thrown around about having Kas as an active rival that competes for pieces of the Rod. It occured to me that he may play that role, while we still have an impostor - another character trapped in Demiplane of Dread could be working with Kas and the Dark Powers in exchange for their freedom. This way we could even allow PCs to sherlock holmes who the traitor is between collecting different pieces of the Rod, and still can have Kas show up with hordes of monsters to steal the Rod later. All that matters is they do not impersonate a character of the same aligment. Here are some candidates for this role:

• from Forgotten Realms, we could reach for semi-official suppliment minsc and Boo's Journal of Villainy, written by lead writer of first two Baldur's Gate games. It suggests an alternate fate for main villains of Baldur's Gate II - Jon Irenicus and his sister Bodhi - that places them in Demiplane of Dread, leading their own evil cult working towards their escape. He is neutral evil, she is Chaotic Evil
• From Mystara we have Meredoth, main antagonist of classic Ravenloft module Ship of Horrors, condemned to Demiplane of Dread afre his negligence caused his subjects to die of starvation. TWICE!. He is cursed to be unable to discover new magic on his own and having to steal knowledge, so he would be itching, as a mole, to steal from other eight wizards in the room. He's Chaotic Evil.

That's for now, but rest assured, I shall be returning to this post to update it with more characters, potentially more campaign worlds even. Your suggestions whom to add are always welcome.

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. He lives in Cuba and I live in the US. We talked for a short while when in true Cuban fashion, we became a couple a month to the day after we met. Prior to meeting him, I had no idea how dire the situation was in Cuba but after meeting him I did my research and saw how bad it is for its citizens. Since meeting him, I’ve been to Cuba three times. The first two times I stayed for a week, and the third time I stayed for two. Our chemistry is amazing and we always have a great time together and I am so in love with him that it’s not even funny.
The thing is, not long after I fell in love with him, I started noticing things that were questionable to me. The first were multiple articles about women being duped into love scams by jineteros (or Cuban male prostitues) basically all of the articles said the same thing. That Cubans are notoriously unfaithful and that they will use an American or Canadian citizen for a green card and that even their girlfriends and wives and the rest of their families may be in on it too. When I questioned him about it, he asked me if it would be fair for him to judge me by all Americans, which of course it would be, but I just keep seeing and hearing this everywhere.
The kicker was when I was on Facebook one day and came across his daughter’s mom profile and her cover photo was a photo of them together. I asked him about this as well and he said that he didn’t know that was her cover photo and that he was going to ask her to take it down, And she did a few days later, but it’s still bothering me. The thing is, he doesn’t have to use me for a green card. I already completed the parole sponsorship before we even became a couple (honestly I would do it for anyone who wants to leave that country? And I have told him multiple times that he’s not obligated to be with me. And he tells me that he doesn’t want to go back to being friends and if I break up with him, he will just stay in Cuba even though I told him that I would still support him, but only as a friend.
He swears that he’s not playing me and that he has told me the truth about everything and that he really loves me, but at this point the suspicion is becoming too much and lately I’ve just been thinking of ending things with him. And I know that he’s over my constant accusations as well. What should I do?

Naturally, I came to know Orwell with 1984, which I read roughly three years ago in a Russian translation. I was at my humble beggining in discovering literature, and the book impressed my chiefly trough its deep theoretical base, the atmosphere of utter lack of hope and ingenious terms such as 'doublethink' - anyway, you probably know what I am talking about
Yet it was only much later that I read his other literary works - namely, those indicated in the title. There, I discovered Orwell as a great analytic of human psychology, an inventive storyteller. Both novels have a bleak atmosphere with a bit of dark humor and somewhat foreshadow themes that would appear in 1984.
In Keep the Aspidistra Flying, Orwell depicts a peculiar intellectual named Gordon Constock, almost thirty and "already moth-eaten." The gist is that he refused his status and prospects of a "good job" in order to avoid being subservient to "the Money God" - that is, he lowers himself on the social scale, living in self-imposed penury, working in a bookshop. Generally, this Gordon would seem like an off-putting person, constantly frustrated, whining and complaining, raving about the 'end of civilization', a little bit sexist, and a great deal pessimist. The reader is plunged into his interior monologue and obsessive thoughts, which are captivating to follow. The plot revolves around his fight with the Consumerist system - however, as you might have guessed, he is not a valliant knight in shining armor, but rather a vain nihilist with questionable worldview. This affects the relationship with other characters - his friend Ravelstorm (a self-proclaimed Marxist, who is distracted from thougths about the rough conditiond of the Proletariat by the soft appearance of his mistress), his self-abnegating sister Julia, etc. Also, Gordon tries to write poetry - and one of the poems is gradually 'conceived' throughout the novel, containing his impressions and emotions in a self-piteous, frustrated style - with quite a decent result I'd say. Besides, Orwell realistically describes some unpleasant aspects of London's life through the protagonist's actions: slums, squalor, drunkenness, and prostitution. Per general, a great read!
On the other hand, 'Coming up for air' describes a character who is an organic part of the system - a middle-aged clerk from a London's suburb, on the surface - a typical lower-middle-class and a family man, called George Bowling. The novel is written entirely through his perspective and keeps a rather melancholic tone. The narrator, with a rueful humor, talks a bit about himself, expressing a dissatisfaction with his menial life, yet remaining fatalistic about it. Then he starts an 80-or-so pages description of his pre-WW1 life and memories from a small town - and, frankly, it stirred my interest, being related in a vivid language. His rustic life is placed in contrast with the modern, after-war existence. This leads to nostalgia, and basically, the plot of the novel consists of an attempt to chase this feeling, to make it come true, to revive what has been long forgotten. The novel (published some months before the WW2) contains a distinct feeling of uncertainty, fear, and anguish about the future, expressed in various instances. The narrator asks himself what would become if the war starts - if the bombers arrive - which, as he thinks, will happen in 1941. But he fears not the destruction itself, but what would come after the pains of war - a new world of "rubber truncheons", slogans, suppression, hate. Something that Orwell will describe 11 years later in '1984'.
Overall, I think both books are worth reading. However, you have to expect that the protagonists - Gordon Comstock and George Bowling - might not be quite prepossesing.

I just wish everybody treated each other like equals with basic compassion and communication. They're constantly dragging me into these one sided power trips, pissing contests that were never needed to begin with.
I wasn't a threat/enemy to start off with but i'm closer to being one now. All this behavior does is lower your opinion of them. Can't wrap my head around why anyone does it. Do they not know or just not care (or both). It's just frustrating to see people act out of their own interest. It's always their way on their terms. They don't take actions that will net them results but the wants they way they wish the world worked then throw a tantrum when it doesn't.
Compromise is necessary. But the insinuation that they should bend even a fraction is a great offense when we do the exact same thing. Like a drawbridge. It can't be one sided.
Sorry for the rant. I just really hate authority and those in it. Lawful Evil types y'know.

 I, (22F), have been dating my boyfriend, (20M), for about nine months now. Our relationship is pretty good overall. We hardly get into arguments, and when we do we resolve them pretty quickly. My boyfriend’s friend (21F) has been giving me very weird vibes since I started dating him. They’ve known each other since grade school, and she has a boyfriend that she’s been dating for about the same amount of time I’ve been dating my boyfriend, however, I always feel like she’s trying to one up me in my relationship. For example, one time we were all on a discord voice call, and my boyfriend ran out of cigarettes. They live pretty close by (like walking distance from each other) and I live about 25 minutes away, plus she has a car (my boyfriend doesn’t have a car). My boyfriend had just recently talked to me about quitting smoking, so in call I basically told him to try to exist without cigarettes. However, she insisted on going to the gas station and getting him cigarettes. This kinda pissed me off because 1.) she was enabling him, and 2.) it felt like she was brown-nosing a bit. When she dropped off his cigarettes she also brought him beer (he’s also trying to drink less alcohol) so once again just enabling him. She also likes to bring up a lot of inappropriate things from their past. Again for example, before my boyfriend and I met apparently they went to an event together and shared an hotel room. She randomly brought this up one day, and sent videos in our shared group chat of them in their room. They were relatively innocent in nature, however the way she filmed him felt more crush-y than platonic. Now I’m not one of those weirdos who think men and women can’t just be friends. I’ve had male friends who I had strictly platonic feelings for. However, those videos felt like the kind of videos you take of your crush to send to your girlfriends later. She also has apparently seen his balls before, which is…? Like I get that they’ve known each other for a long time, so her seeing his balls in a non-sexual context isn’t far fetched. However, why tell me? Like why do I have to know that you’ve seen my boyfriend’s balls. She has also asked about details of our sex life and whether or not my boyfriend whimpers. I will say that I did indulge her when she asked, half because I wanted to lay claim, and half because I wanted to see how she’d react. Also going back to our group chat, originally when my boyfriend invited me she kicked me out because she “wasn’t comfortable with someone she doesn’t know in there”. I also went through the old messages to see how everybody else reacted to my boyfriend inviting me, and nobody else cared but she said “I don’t think it’s a good idea to mix relationships and friends but whatever” very passive aggressively. Eventually I was re-invited, but after I had been kicked out the first time specifically because of her I’ve been side-eying her ever since. Even yesterday while we were all in voice call she turned on her camera. After awhile of literally nobody noticing that her camera was on (except for me because I tab’d out of my game to type something) she pulled out her vape and tried to get my boyfriend’s attention. She was literally like “Hey (bfn) look at this vape I just got, you want it?”. Once again I got the ick because it felt brown-nosey. Luckily my boyfriend was too invested in his game to respond so I spoke up and said “He doesn’t vape anymore, he mostly smokes cigarettes.” So again it just felt like….girl. There’s lot of other little things she did/does that I don’t feel like typing out in depth. Like when she dropped off some weed for him and was talking to him in a low sultry voice and starring deep in his eye right in front of me (it was weird, but I quite literally was tweaking so I didn’t say anything). Also the time that one of their nonblack friends said the nword and I wasn’t okay with it (I’m black). So me, boyfriend, and a few other friends decided to distance ourselves from them and she tried to gaslight me into believing it wasn’t bad enough to stop talking to them… Like I said earlier she has a boyfriend that she’s apparently super in love with, but she seems to always direct her attention towards my boyfriend, and I want to know if I have a right to feel a type of way about it. I know that I could just be over thinking it, especially given that I have BPD, but my intuition is usually correct on things. How should I even go about this? 

TLDR; My boyfriend’s friend seems like she likes him despite having a boyfriend herself. Am I overthinking things?

It was late November 2015. I was 51 and one year past my divorce (which was not related to cheating) when I became so disgusted with myself that I knew I had to pick myself up. I was alone for the long holiday, and although I wasn't really sad or lonely, I felt empty. However, I had some extra time to consider how does one picks oneself up.
I made a list of potential New Year resolutions that were individually realistic. Some were really easy and stupid like “have your chipped front tooth fixed” and “take & post a selfie”. These smaller tasks fueled my confidence and provided the energy boosts needed to tackle the more challenging resolutions, like starting a weight loss challenge at work.
Skip ahead to March 4th 2016. I had a Friday lunch date with a married client that I met two weeks prior. Of course, it was not a real date, as I wouldn't impose myself on a married woman, nor would I risk my career or my ego, especially if the signals she seemed to be sending were just a product of my wishful thinking, stimulated by checking off some boxes on the list on the fridge dated 1/1/16.
The following is my thank you note to her for a great date as well as for helping me check a lot of boxes over the past few weeks. I sent her a link to it as it is in the form of my first ever online post (one more check box, YAY!).
************************************** We were only 1 minute in the hotel room; her jeans in a ball on the floor. She sat at the foot of the king sized bed and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard. I followed as If attached by a leash. I landed somewhat awkwardly on my elbows between her legs finding myself squarely face to face with the tattoo. This tattoo, that she so shamelessly revealed just a week ago, the same tattoo that has been scorching my thoughts and the same tattoo that she promised me complete and unlimited access.
It’s been a long time since I have been here or anywhere near as nice as here, between the legs of a beautiful woman 20 years younger and far out of my league....even when I was her age. I took a second to drink in my fortunate situation. I admired her panties. All day I was so hoping she would wear those same panties as before. She didn’t. These were different but similar enough. The delicate lace and silk perfectly framed the tattoo on her hip. She did not disappoint. There is a fruity jasmine scent, intoxicatingly pleasant, and oh so subtle. It is not here. I’ll need to find its source. I want more of that. (I remember being thoroughly impressed and thinking to myself “This girl is good”.)
I briefly forgot that there was someone else here besides myself and the tattoo. How long have I been down here perving out on her? I wondered. I hesitated, and then apologetically looked up half expecting a well-deserved snarky glare. What I found instead was an ear to ear compassionate smile followed by a tilt of her head and an arch of her eyebrow that said “I like that you like that, carry on”.
With confidence restored that we were still in sync, I adjusted myself so that I was in a good position to thoroughly enjoy what I came to do. I kissed the tattoo hard and gave it a good lick. The challenge for today was “Taste the Tattoo” and I won. I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to. I continued to kiss and taste all around until every freckle got some personal attention. As I got to the upper most reaches of her inner thighs, I looked up to check in as I was about to cross a new line. For the first time she was not looking back at me but had laid her head back deep into the pillows, her eyes closed. I took that as a yes!
I marveled at the softness of her inner thighs on my cheeks as I gently placed kisses up one and down the other. As I kissed her through her panties, her hips responded by arching her up in anticipation of each next kiss. Before long, those wonderful panties were just getting in the way. I stopped and pondered whether to just slide them aside or remove them or to risk interrupting the mood and attempt a complete wardrobe removal as we were both still fully dressed except for her jeans.
I didn’t have to ponder long as she knew what she wanted and it was not any of the options I was considering. Still lying back with her head semi submerged within the pillows, she held out her arms as if gesturing for a hug. I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss.
Unbelievably, this was our first kiss. I found it odd that we had not kissed yet and was grateful she thought to stop for a moment to have a kiss. We kissed some and then I settled in to thoroughly enjoy it. However, the kiss to come was not the kiss I was expecting or a kiss I was ready for. It was a kiss that could ruin everything.
Technically, there was one kiss before. It was an awkward kiss 5-10 minutes earlier just after we entered the room. All in about the time it took for the hotel door to close behind us, she tossed her bag on the sofa, had her jewelry off and set on the nightstand while I emptied my pockets and silenced my phone.
We approached each other, and as we met I was looking at the place where the tattoo would be under her shirt and behind her jeans. They were higher cut and could not be pulled down that far to get to the tattoo. They would have to come off. To just reach in and do that would be an uncharacteristically bold move for me. But I did have unquestionable permission to have the tattoo in any way that I desired. I reached down with both hands and took hold of the waistband on each side of the button. I didn’t see her simultaneous move in at me at first. Just as I felt the metal of the button, I felt her reaching her arms around my neck and realized that she was tip toeing up for a kiss. It caught me unexpectedly and I think it showed on my face that it did. I tried to recover and moved back in to accept her lips on to mine but it turned into an awkward peck.
I scolded myself for the selfish moment and just as I was trying to formulate a recovery gesture, she, without missing a beat, gently dismissed my fumble and gracefully restored the momentum. “Oh” she said with surprise in her tone, while looking down at my fingers ready to release her button. Then, in a more playfully quizzical tone, she followed with “I guess you want to get right to THAT then” and she stepped back away from me where I lost grip of her jeans. She replaced my fingers on the button with hers, paused, maybe waiting for me to look up to her eyes, which I finally did, then flashed me a devilishly naughty smile and pulled her jeans down to the top of her boots. She then proudly announced, mostly to herself, “You really are going to let me have fun with you, aren’t you!” seemingly shedding any doubts in her mind that I would go through with this. She then sat at the foot of the all white linen king sized bed, removed her boots and jeans and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard.
Back to our kiss. The kiss that from now on I will reflect on as our first kiss
Responding to her hug gesture, I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss. I didn’t flub it this time, but again, I didn’t know it was coming, and prolly I should have. It took only ten seconds to adjust and synchronize to each other’s kissing form. It was warm and succulent and sweet and was wonderful. I really was surprised at how nice this felt. I don’t recall married kissing being this enjoyable. I remember saying to myself “Damn, this girl can kiss”.
I was on top, in a position that wasn’t going to be comfortable for as long as I wanted this to last, so I backed away to reposition but she held tight indicating she didn’t want me to move. I gestured at the space next to her and she relented. We then settled in facing one another side by side; her smile confirming that this was a nice place. We were hugging and kissing, pulling each other closer and looking into each other’s eyes. Our legs intertwined and our hands were roaming, but not really in a sexual way, more like trying to make as much body contact as possible. I couldn’t get over how I felt so much more familiarity than there was. What I did not recognize at the time was that this was the physical intimacy catching up to match the virtual intimacy we have been sharing online.
Soon the intensity escalated and it was getting very hot very quickly. The intensity and passion that was building was not something I ever expected or planned for. This was the rare kind of making out where accidental hickeys happen and inadvertent “Oh god I love you’s” slip out. Not that either of those was going to happen but my safe, non-committal no emotional strings encounter was getting too hot to not risk introducing emotions into the situation. And that could happen.
At some point I was no longer kissing her lips and mouth but was kissing her.
I broke contact to catch a breath and maybe get some control of the fire. We stopped for a moment to breathe and cool off. She slid herself on top and I rolled over on to my back to accommodate her. She looked at me with eyes that appeared to agree that it was a good time to slow it down. She closed her eyes and she seemed to enjoy that I was rubbing her back with both hands that I slipped up under her shirt. She presented her lips for me to kiss and then her cheek for the same, then neck and ear and lips again. Her long hair had fallen down around us, surrounding our faces like a vail creating a tiny private and even more intimate space. Inside here it was darker and the temperature and humidity rose quickly. We were breathing each other’s breath between kisses. All of a sudden I noticed that Jasmine was back. Not subtle this time, but deep and fulfilling. I loved it.
This fragrance stuff really works. The next morning just after waking up, I caught an unexpected subtle whiff on my skin under my watch and my heart jumped by 20 beats. Who’d a thunk it possible?
The passion was building again but since I was aware and cautious now, I wanted to enjoy and go with it. I thought I could keep it measured and I did for a while as it does take two. The kissing slowed to half and so did the passion. However, the rest of our bodies started to make up for it and the touching evolved into the sexual. She was still on top of me and my hands were exploring and squeezing on her panty covered butt, then under and in those panties. Her body contact became more targeted as she was now very deliberately mashing her fun stuff all over my fun stuff. The kissing subsided but replaced with the audible accompaniment of her squeaks, moans and quicker breathing timed with her mashing I was no longer in control. The passion was under control but being replaced with something intimately erotic.
I abruptly escaped by gently rolling her over on to her back then getting up and knelling between her legs. I took a moment to catch my breath and wanted to say “That is getting WAY too intimate. Can we get naked and have sex now?” However, I tugged at her panties and said something dorky like “can we take these off now?” Yes, we were still both fully dressed except for her jeans
Since I am the kind of guy who doesn’t kiss and tell, (well, only tells about the kisses) and this is not the forum for it, I am not going to talk about the sexy part over the next 30 minutes. I will tell you that we did finally each get ourselves unceremoniously naked and then the sexy part finishes where it started, with me finishing all over that beautiful tattoo. Of course I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to.
*************************************************
Cuddle time. Our snapchats leading up to this encounter were heavy on the anticipation and buildup but didn’t contain a lot of detail about or define what stuff would happen during our “fun” time together.
Me: “Ok then, tomorrow lunchtime, I’m in.”
Her: “OMG Are you saying that you are REALLY going to come here and let me have fun with you?
Me: “I’m REALLY going to come there. I am REALLY going to fully inspect that tattoo, as well as the neighborhood where the tattoo lives.
Her: “I so can’t wait to get my hands on you.”
Me: “WOW….Now that this is real and going to happen, my heart is beating so hard that I am afraid that people can see it through my shirt.”
Her: “You have to tell me, are you being SERIOUS right now? You can’t say this and not show up. It’s OK if you are teasing, but you have to say so that you are now….not tomorrow!!!”
Me: “I am SERIOUS and I PROMISE I will be there. You have gotten to me, BAD. All week with the way we have been talking..err..I mean snapchatting; I can’t get you out of my head. Then today with those tattoo snaps you sent; I can’t get up from my desk. LOL…..NOT kidding NOT teasing.”
Her: “I am BAD, and I like having FUN. I am going to have so much fun with you!!!”
************************************************
The only specific things I recall us acknowledging we would do with our “fun” was tattoo inspection and cuddle time. So as soon as cleanup from sexy time was done we both knew what time it was. For me, as good as the inspection was the cuddle was better. Just as during the sexy time we changed things up and we got to cuddle many ways. We started face to face full contact hugging just like our kissing time with some but less kissing and more being in the moment.
We were still hot (temperature hot now) and sweaty so that didn’t last long. She turned over and we spooned some. I was still craving full body contact but it was still so hot that we had to separate a bit. No contact spooning if you will, with just my one hand caressing her exposed shoulder and arm and hip with an occasional butt cheek squeeze.
It was about that time that we had our first ever personal conversation. On the project there were lots of flirty banter and some personal stories but almost always as part of a group. We had many phone calls and a few project meetings with just us two but never did the conversation get personal. Until now the only personal talks (Chats) we have had have been via Snapchat. I don’t recall who asked the first question of the other, but it was like a dam broke and we started filling in the details of our lives, our feelings and all the things we chatted about.
There was a lot to tell and we were giddy like children (child) best friends re-meeting on the first day of school catching each other up on our summer vacations. At one point she had something compelling to say and faster than a fish out of water she flipped back to facing me so she could gesture with her hand and punctuate through her expression. She landed close. Closer that I think she meant to at first and just a bit awkward I felt. But I was wrong. She didn’t back up an inch. I really couldn’t see her hand but I could feel that she was using it in the 2 to 4 inches of space between our chests. Her face was right into mine. She would lean back or up just an inch when she wanted me to see her eyes or smile or frown for emphasis, then settle back into the pillows with our foreheads or noses or cheeks touching. It was the farthest thing in the world from awkward.
If there was a recurring theme for the day it would be HOT; in every sense and synonym of the word. Again, it was getting too sweaty to remain that close. This time she broke contact to catch a breath and escape the heat. We stopped talking for a moment to breathe and cool off. She sat up, crawled to, and grabbed the (sexy time) clean-up towel that was at the far foot of the bed. She turned around so that she was kneeling facing me as she brought the towel up to her chest to absorb the beads and drips of sweat that had accumulated. As I watched, I again thought of my great fortune to be right here right now feeing what I feel and seeing the beauty before me. She pushed the towel down across her belly button and it fell into her lap.
I observed the soft sunlight reflecting off the white sheets, the white towel, and the white pillows bathed her in perfect light creating just a hint of subtle shadows in all of the right places on her angelic white skin. I started consciously taking photos with my mind. I wanted to capture every nuance and note every detail. I don’t know if I will ever be here again.
I don't recall if my next realization was comprehended in a split second, or if it took ten seconds to develop, but a terrible fear washed over me that for the first time in forever, she was beyond my touch and her next action might be to look for her panties or go jump in the shower. We were after all, deep into the second hour of her hour long lunch.
As I was preparing myself for the pain soon to come, I couldn't understand where it was coming from. I had the BEST DAY EVER, but I felt like an exhausted child who just watched the Disney fireworks finally and knows what that means.
What the hell? What is happening in my head? I don't even know this girl, let alone have feelings for her beyond she made my dick feel good at lunchtime.....and, I guess my ego is healthier since I met her. I have not cheated on my diet since she turned on the flattery the week before. I was sure it had to be somehow manipulative, but I hoped that if only a 5% chance it wasn't AND she liked me AND her mom was single, made it easy to keep my snacking to peas & carrots.
My self esteem has been skyrocketing too, as I have been checking a lot of boxes on my refrigerator. LOL, so many in fact, that I have been adding things to the list after they happened that I didn't dare put on it as they seemed pretty unobtainable just two months before. "Get sent a nude selfie, check. Have the confidence to send one back, check. Take a hottie 32 year old client out to lunch and fuck her brains out, check.
Did I just discover that I like girls who make my self esteem feel good more than I like girls who make my dick feel good?
Shit, that wasn't even on my top ten list. Smart, funny, pretty, Kind, whatever is the opposite of bitchy, fun in bed, boobs and/or an age appropriate figure is always nice, curious, someone you can trust to see you at your worst. Before today, "genuinely being a boost & support of my self esteem" was 10th.
Then BAM. I was hit in the face with the towel. Damn girl, I hope you can handle a spanking because I was just on the verge of making an interpersonal discovery of some importance over here, I thought to myself. I noticed the slightest or possibly mock look of concern on her face as she asks "you're not having any regrets or second thoughts over there are you?". I reflexively replied "Oh god no". Then with some emphasys, I continued "today was incredible. I REALLY needed this and you were PERFECT, thank you".
Again she did not disappoint. She crawled to the top of the bed on the far side and then to me over the pillows and laid down at a 90 angle to me on her stomach parallel to the headboard with her head nearly right on top of mine. She propped herself up a bit on her elbows and we kissed deeply. It was nice.
I made a few attempts to shake my internal drama, get out of my head and get back to my goal of picking my self up after my divorce. Oops, I mean back to pleasing a beautiful woman who clearly was not yet done having her fun with me. The emotional rollercoaster ride over the last hours, days & weeks completely blew out my brains ability to generate or absorb endorphins or whatever happens in a situation like this. Shortly after we had joked around while showering together, kissing goodbye (just like when I kissed my endorphin killing ex wife) and going on back to our separate lives.
I drove the hour or so home, brought my dog to the park and had healthiest and happiest cry I ever had. I don't know what I was feeling or why, but I was feeling again and it brought me much relief and contentedness.
We texted a bit that evening confirming that we each enjoyed our time together and agreeing that we should do that again sometime. The next day, Saturday, her husband took their 5 & 8 year old sons somewhere for the day. We checked in with each other again over text and chatted some about our lunch but the spark or excitement we usually had was not the same.
I reached out again that evening and asked if she was in a place that we could talk on the phone. She resisted but did call me (our first personal phone call). It took her 24 hours to let her cry bubble up. It turns out that our emotional experiences were remarkably similar, albeit from different perspectives.
She much later reveals that she felt emotionally dead for her hubby. She evolved to a bad place where she wanted fuck anyone but her hubby but still fucked him twice a week and had to appear happy to do it, killing her brain chemistry.
We rode the best and worst roller coaster in the world for 6 or 8 months....until the the Cocaine eventually wore off or the unobtainable became obtainable and it wasn't the the same rush for either of us any longer. She was the closest thing to a drug addiction that I ever felt. I never wanted anyone or anything like I wanted her.
My hope is that this story helps one person answer the question "Why the hell would he/she risk giving up their wonderful & loving family for an hour with a douchebag or a skank?"

I get panic attacks every single day and sometimes multiple times a day, I've had panic attacks since I was 6. Before I knew it was caused by autism I had to do blood tests, massage stuff, doctors, clinics, therapy. Nothing helped and no one knew what it was. Then I discovered it was a panic attack which helped a bit, at least I knew what it was now. But I still had them every day, at least when I go out of my house I do and sometimes I have them at home.
I've heard that people are scared that they have a heart attack when they have panic attacks and I've heard that people cry. I however, never cry. I never cry during a panic attack, I'm not scared I have a heart attack. Instead I hyperventilate and get EXTREMELY nauseous. I'm really scared that I'm gonna throw up when I do have a panic attack, but it makes me feel invalid because others when having a panic attack are always like "yeah when I have a panic attack I can breathe hardly and I cry a lot". I don't?
After a while I discovered a video where someone talked about autism and I was like "hey that's funny, I have that too." I started doing research, tests and then I figured I had autism. After a while I went to a therapist that did tests on me and they found I had a lot of signs of ADHD and Autism. I'm now diagnosed with autism!
The thing though is, it doesn't make my panic attacks go away (obviously). People say "focus on your breathing" I did that and that makes me hyperventilate anymore and it makes me forget how to actually properly breathe. Others say "breath in, hold it , breathe out" been there, done that. Doesn't work. "Look at 3 things and say the colors of it and the names of it" doesn't help.
The only thing that helps for me is music (sometimes that makes it worse but-), distraction, sitting in the bathroom near the toilet, talking about it, talking a lot. The reason I'm sharing this is because I know NO ONE who has had the same as me except my dad but he grew out of it. He said it became less because he sports. I hate sport.

I live with ptsd, been doing pretty good in terms of recovery, but just as I finally feel like I could try to get some things done for myself, I feel this overwhelming sense of numbness. I'm a little worried, because this tends to be a precursor for a relapse in terms of symptoms.
I've recently tried to be more social, started making some plans for being more active, and today I just feel this weight on my chest, while my expression is just dead. I feel winded, exhausted... it's hard to feel this again when it's been a while since I last felt it.
I have this overwhelming sensation of impostor syndrome sometimes. I tried to join a community of people like me, I can't help but feel like I'm intruding, like they'd be better off if I withdrew and didn't participate. But I'm so tired of doing that. I want to make friends who are near me. I guess I'm just stuck subconsciously on how it could all go wrong.
Fear of being toxic. Fear of mis-speaking, fear of annoying people... it's pretty draining. I like it when people are doing okay. I just can't let myself get into that habit of putting their state of mind on my shoulders.

What you are about to see is staggering. That is why I call it “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” . The only explanation of this phenomena is that it is “the work of God” as you shall see.
People ask why should I believe in God. , Why should I believe what’s written in the Bible, is from God? Why should I accept the Bible as the word of God more than any other religious book ?. I will tell you, even more than this. I will show you. You will see how it all adds up, as we will see!
I will begin by explaining to you a few things, and then we will examine “The Definitive Biblical phenomena”. There is a ancient teaching in the Oral tradition that the Bible is learned and explained by 32 methods. The 29^th of these 32 methods is called gematria (numerology). It is taught that the numerical values of the Hebrew letters were given to Moses at Mount Sinai.
Hebrew is the Divine language of the Bible, it’s the original language of the Torah. It is the code and the conduit through which God created and re-creates and sustains everything that is. We will discover just how true this is in the following pages. Before we look at the “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” in Hebrew, the Original language of the Bible. Hebrew is called the “Holy Tongue”, and we will see and come to know why. We shall look at the “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” using English. In English the Letter to number correspondence is :
A=1,b=2,c=3,d=4,e=5,f=6,g=7,h=8,i=9,j=10,k=11,l=12,m=13,n=14,o=15,p=16,q=17,r=18,s=19,t=20,u=21,v=22,w=23,x=24,y=25,z=26
To start with know :
Bible=30=Peace
as it is written :
“Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.”
(Proverbs 3:17)
Israel=64= True=Chosen
A true Bible=95=The Torah=I God word
The Bible=63=A Torah
Jewish Bible=104=A Holy Book
Now this is not a coincidence
We also find, Wisdom=83=Prayer
It is a wise thing to pray and there is a Wisdom to the method of prayer itself.
Now I will show you a sign of the “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” . This group of expressions directs us to the fact that there is a Biblical code. All of the phrases that follow have a numerical value of 153. These things have no statistical right to even exist. This is “the work of God.” MORE https://godssecret.wordpress.com/2024/05/01/living-spirituality/

What you are about to see is staggering. That is why I call it “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” . The only explanation of this phenomena is that it is “the work of God” as you shall see.
People ask why should I believe in God. , Why should I believe what’s written in the Bible, is from God? Why should I accept the Bible as the word of God more than any other religious book ?. I will tell you, even more than this. I will show you. You will see how it all adds up, as we will see!
I will begin by explaining to you a few things, and then we will examine “The Definitive Biblical phenomena”. There is a ancient teaching in the Oral tradition that the Bible is learned and explained by 32 methods. The 29^th of these 32 methods is called gematria (numerology). It is taught that the numerical values of the Hebrew letters were given to Moses at Mount Sinai.
Hebrew is the Divine language of the Bible, it’s the original language of the Torah. It is the code and the conduit through which God created and re-creates and sustains everything that is. We will discover just how true this is in the following pages. Before we look at the “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” in Hebrew, the Original language of the Bible. Hebrew is called the “Holy Tongue”, and we will see and come to know why. We shall look at the “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” using English. In English the Letter to number correspondence is :
A=1,b=2,c=3,d=4,e=5,f=6,g=7,h=8,i=9,j=10,k=11,l=12,m=13,n=14,o=15,p=16,q=17,r=18,s=19,t=20,u=21,v=22,w=23,x=24,y=25,z=26
To start with know :
Bible=30=Peace
as it is written :
“Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.”
(Proverbs 3:17)
Israel=64= True=Chosen
A true Bible=95=The Torah=I God word
The Bible=63=A Torah
Jewish Bible=104=A Holy Book
Now this is not a coincidence
We also find, Wisdom=83=Prayer
It is a wise thing to pray and there is a Wisdom to the method of prayer itself.
Now I will show you a sign of the “The Definitive Biblical phenomena” . This group of expressions directs us to the fact that there is a Biblical code. All of the phrases that follow have a numerical value of 153. These things have no statistical right to even exist. This is “the work of God.” MORE https://godssecret.wordpress.com/2024/05/01/living-spirituality/

TW I’m going to be discussing some of the toxic thoughts and fears around treatment.
I’m a 33 y/o with AN for the last basically 20 years. I have lots of other mental health issues that I’ve gotten treatment for but NEVER the ED. I wouldn’t even let my Ts ask/talk about it really.
I met with a therapist from a treatment center like last week, and she recommended residential. And basically from the moment that level of care was confirmed I’ve been going downhill mentally and physically in a serious way. And I met with an NP for a medical clearance a week later and she expressed concern over the trajectory of my weight and her face revealed it too. To be clear I’m not like emaciated, just a bit underweight.
I cry every night, I’m terrified and sooo heavily stressed. I’m highly motivated to recover but out of nowhere my ED took an absolute death grip on me. I can normally coexist with my AN where I can minimize my mental suffering at least, but this is the worst trigger I think I’ve ever encountered in my life.
The ED is horrified at the thought that they’re gonna be seeing my weight every day, and as a result is determined to subsist on as little as possible to drop as much weight as possible before I go in. And because the timeline is fairly short (was originally told end of this week, now 5-7 days later), the thoughts & behaviors have been kind of intense. And it’s making me miserable and I feel like crap, probably especially bc I’m restricting somewhat aggressively…
Mentally it’s a cyclical, screaming hellscape nightmare of terror, anxiety, aversion, denial, frustration, and panic. I was not at all mentally prepared for anticipating residential to be such massive trigger. The ED is driving the bus and I can’t seem to wrestle the wheel back. And I don’t even have a therapist in the meantime (hence me posting this instead of talking to my therapist) so it’s just my poor worried partner having to hear me talk crazy & hugging me while I cry—not to mention having to watch me do these self-destructive behaviors.
I just had to get this out somewhere that I’m struggling so fucking bad, I’m spiraling downward and I feel completely out of control. I was not expecting my ED to get THIS bad in anticipation of residential while I wait for a bed. Anyway, to anyone who read this mess, thanks for listening.
I tried finding other people talking about a similar experience (getting worse right before going to res) online but haven’t found much of anything yet

https://www.gofundme.com/f/aideznous-a-accueillir-notre-petit-miracle. We would love nothing more than having the chance to meet our child and built moments with him. We had the utmost heartbreaking experience of loosing our son due to a severe cardiac defect at birth. Being myself a carrier of a genetic disorder, we were over the moon when the results of the amniocentesis we took at the end of the first term came back clear. We were starting to finally feel confident for the rest of the pregnancy. Now, our only hope is to go through an IVF with PGT (pre-genetic testing). We choose a clinic in Cyprus. Because we are living in Japan (I came back to France alone to take some medical tests), the traveling cost are adding to the burden. We never imagined that our path would be met with so many challenges and heartbreaks. A cycle of IVF is very demanding emotionally and physically. Our dreams are filled with a child we could watch grow and care for. Our baby will always have a special place in our hearts. Any help we get will be greatly appreciated more than we could ever express. Thank you.

2 days ago when I was talking with my friend from university, we were talking about football and what we're thinking about the final of the Champions League. I was surprised that it all was happening so fast, in my mind I was still thinking that there weren't semifinals yet. Sooo, my dream that night was about what? About Borussia Dortmund and Arsenal playing in a semifinal. I don't remember watching it, but I DO remember that they played that game.
Yesterday I was talking with my parents about some actor, I didn't remember his face, so I Googled it. I look at the images and say "huh, from this picture this guy looks like some nazi". Not like a skinhead or anything, just proportions of the picture and a photo taken from a side that it reminded me of some random guy. I also talked that day with my brother that I'll be soon visiting him by train. So guess what dream I had? I was traveling by train and there was someone checking tickets. I have my ticket checked, she asks me to also show a document stating that I'm a student, cuz students get 50% off. I show the document on my phone, but something is not right. IT'S A DOCUMENT OF SOME RANDOM NAZI, WITH ALL THE NAMES, DATES ETC OF HIS under my name. I think to myself wtf. Then I realise that my account got hacked and someone for a joke changed my document etc (don't ask for how it's supposed to work, it's a dream lmao).
And then there was a dream I had like a month ago, I remember that day before talking with my friend who just got back from a trip to Great Britain. She told me that one of the people in her group got their phone stolen. We started talking how glad we are that in a place where we live in Poland, pickpockets and muggers are much rarer. Guess what, I had a dream that I was in my hometown, a very quiet place. I was going on a walk with my mom, but all of the sudden a couple of guys jump us. They start threatening us, screaming at us. And then I realise in that dream, THEY HAVE LONDON ACCENT, just where my friend was on a trip.
I don't have anything against these dreams, they're kinda funny, sometimes they're innocent like that game or batshit crazy like all of the sudden having Nazi documents. But I want to hear how many other people also have these dreams, cuz I can't be the only one having those. Although I don't know a single person who dreams like me lol

Why... just WHY did Dororo's parents do what they did?
Dororo's mother rather starving herself to death than to swallow her pride to keep both herself and her daughter alive. Did she really think a 5yo without a mother could survive in the cold harsh world? Being able to grow up was a miracle and Dororo would have died dozen times on screen if not for Hyakkimaru. And she also resorted to begging her husband's killer(indirectly) for food, so much for her pride.
Even Mio understood pride means nothing when you need to live, and she chose to make the sacrifice to feed the kids.
Dororo's father hiding all that money that could be used to help his wife and daughter to live... on a map drawn on their backs? All that faith for the goodness of an uncertain future... If Dororo's mother could have access to it, the 2 of them might have a better life and even start doing good with it before Dororo could grow up. Instead they decided to tattoo a mother and child's back with picture of a map, exposing them to greedy people like Itachi who could have known about this. And the funny quote of "show this to people whom you truly trust"... like how Itachi had Dororo forcefully stripped in front of all his men? It was lucky that there were no p*do among them.
Idk I just find Dororo and her mother's fate could have been different... and it's like it's set up like this just for tragedy to play out