Is there a scholarship for people with big feet

How It Ended
by Ethan O’Driscoll
A thrilling Post apocalypse story
Intro
HRV-1
22 July 2024
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
This is my latest report on the HRV-1 Virus we were instructed to design by the Russian Government.
The HRV-1 is an incredibly viral and infectious Retrovirus similar to HIV. Changes have been make on a genetic level to provide the request modes of transmission and symptoms.
Those symptoms are:

• Profuse bleeding from the mouth, eyes, lips, gums and pores of the skin
• Confusion
• Coma
• Total organ failure leading to death
• Reanimation after death and post-mortem hypo-aggression

This all included in a highly infectious package
The infection vectors are:

• bodily fluids
• contaminated area
• ANYTHING that has come in contact with infected bodily fluids
• airborne droplets

This is by far the most dangerous diseases we’ve ever designed. I pray to god the Russians only want it as a means of deterrent because if they use it I have no doubt it will end the world. The first sample should be ready to ship next week.
Chapter 1
The Outbreak
1 January 2025
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
I can’t believe the bastards used it. The first cases came in from Kiev in December from there it spread like a wild fire through Europe the death toll now sits at 65 millions. The hordes rampage through city after city by the millions. There is no way to stop this. What have I done.
NATO forces have established a quarantine of Europe but I can’t help but feel like its too little too late. My estimate is that all infected nations in Europe will be consumed within the next month or two. The Corporation has started the construction of a company safe haven for us higher ups. All we can do is hope the construction is complete before this thing breaks quarantine.
15 February 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
The world is ending. Europe is gone. The quarantine is broken. We’ve got cases in Asia, South America, Here at home in the US, Australia and Africa nowhere is safe. I did this.
Infection number right now:

• Africa 100 Million
• Europe 890 Million
• Asia 250 Million
• North America 250 Thousand
• South America 120 Million
• Australia 24 Million

There is no hope
The safe zone is complete at least we are planning on moving all operations and personal within the week. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself. Dixie is my only saving grace and at least she’ll be safe. I pray for the soul of all those my creation has killed.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
Chapter 2
A New World
My name is Dixie Warren. Daughter of Dr Olivia Warren. Not that I’ve seen her in 15 years. I remember like it was yesterday. She told me to get on that NARU helicopter that she’d meet me at the safe zone. Those were the last words she ever said to me. I was 8 when the world ended.
Its been 15 years since the Outbreak. There isn’t really anything left of the old world. NARU still exists and turns out they created the virus and my mom was the head of the department that did it. They sold it to the Russians hoping they wouldn’t use it but they did.
It was specifically designed to spread and destroy as fast as possible and it did. I left the safe zone 2 years ago after I learned this information. Now I just spend my time wandering from town to town. My training on the NARU security team helps. At least I know all the best places to shoot a Freaker. That's what we call the infected and for good reason. Most of the time you’ll find them wondering around in groups of 5 to 10 if the group gets too big they turn on each other and form a pile of bodies devouring each other. They moan and scream to communicate and once they see you they will hunt you till you kill every last on of them or you get far enough away. They can run and are abnormally strong if there bodies aren’t damaged they’re a bitch to kill but I’m pretty good at it.
Right now I’m outside Richmond I’ve been stuck here for a week waiting for a large horde to move through. I’m hoping to hunt some of the stragglers and re-up on some supplies. A big horde like this usually leave a few hundred behind. My new AR has been waiting for some fun, I’ve got a new red dot and laser so I should be able to pop headshot after headshot but for now I should go find something to eat.
I’ve made it to a small department store outside the town. It looks like the horde is almost gone. Tons of freaks roaming around though. I can hear a few in the store. I’m going to try getting in through the back and take them out.
Made it back home and wow that store was a gold mine. I got food, water, bullets and even some whiskey. I’m going to enjoy the night then its time to hunt some stragglers. Then I’m thinking of going further south maybe New Orleans heard there might be a small settlement out there from another traveller, might be able to get another courier job or at least I’ll be able to stock up on supplies properly after all these years there isn’t much left in the cities to scavenge.
I better get some rest got a long day of freak killing and walking tomorrow.
Chapter 3
The Road to Home
I left Richmond yesterday. It’s a long road to New Orleans I wished I lived in the days when cars worked. NARU are the only people with working vehicles left and they aren’t exactly the sharing type. Its so lonely out here its been weeks since I last saw another living person the only things you see out here in the ruins are freaks by the hundreds. Its hard to believe the whole world was reduced to nothing by something my mom created. I remember her being the kindest most caring person in the world to think that she could create something so destructive is unbelievable. I’ve still got a long way to go the first city I should have to go through is Raleigh.
I’ve been walking for about a day and I can see the ruins from here. Its always so surreal to see the cities now, so desolate so empty. I remember growing up in Seattle, the city lights, the noise it was always so alive and busy. Now they’re all empty husks or mostly empty at least can’t forget about the freaks. Must’ve killed a thousand of them on my way here almost got bitten when one jumped me under an overpass about 10 miles back. Luckily my machete seems to be as good as ever at cutting up freaks. I should make it to Raleigh within the day.
Made it to Raleigh and its a mess, thousands of freaks I could hear the moaning and screaming from a mile away. I’m going to try finding my way around the city no point in trying to fight my way through a wall of freaks.
Heard crying coming from a house I walked past I decided to check it out and I found a young boy name Richie hiding in a bathroom with what looked like his infected parents trying to break the door down. I took both of them down with a clean headshot. The look on his face when he saw them dead breaks my heart. He says they’ve been hiding out in this house for a month or two after there homestead was overrun by freaks. Its a sad story but it gives me hope that people are at least trying to survive and rebuilt. He’s only 16 yet he’s seen so much and has nowhere else to go so I asked him if he wanted to stick with me and he was elated so I guess I’ve got a sidekick now. I’m not complaining should make the long lonely road more interesting. He’s got no combat experience but he can shoot a pistol so I gave him one of my backups at least I always carry extra. We’ve decided to hunker down for the night and do some scavenging before we leave for Charlotte tomorrow. I’ll be nice to have company for once I’ve been alone for so long.
I woke up to a gunshot and Richie screaming in the other room. When I got there I found Richie pale as snow and a little girl that was clearly infected shot lying on the floor. When I asked Richie who it was he replied in a cold distant voice “My little sister”. It was a heart breaking moment in less than 24 hours Richie had lost everyone. That was a feeling I knew too well my mom was all I had my dad died when I was really young and all I knew after the Outbreak before I left the safe haven was NARU but that wasn’t the best place to build personal connections just a bunch of science types that destroyed the world. Not exactly the most social lot and the security forces were just a bunch of military types that didn’t like the fact that as a teenager I was doing better than them in every metric except raw physical strength but even in that I was better than a lot of them. It’s almost time for us to get going I should pack up and make sure Richie’s okay.
We decided to stop by the old gun store on our way out of Raleigh. Richie mentioned seeing it when him and his dad went out to scavenge one time. He says it looked all locked up meaning there’s a good chance that there might still be something left to take. When we arrived there Richie was right it was locked tight it looked like there might be a way in from the roof so we decided to climb up when I got up there I was jumped by a freak that was just waiting but this one was different smarter in a way it heard me climbing up but instead of screaming and jumping off to get me it decided to hide and wait. In my years of freak killing I’ve never seen one that waits and ambushes. I hope this isn’t a sign that the infected are getting smarter. Anyway Richie popped it in the head and we got in to the gun store and what a find it was. I managed to get a brand new Glock 9 with a torch attachment and extended mag to replace the pistol I gave Richie. Speaking of Richie he decided on a 12 gauge pump with a tube extension and a AR-15 with a suppressor, extended mag and front grip. We also found enough ammo to keep us stocked even if we have to shoot our way to Charlotte now that we’re locked and loaded its time to leave this shit hole and start walking to the next shit hole at least for once I won’t be alone.
Chapter 4
The Road to Charlotte
We’d been walking for 60 miles before we were jumped by a gang of thugs. I caught a round to the leg before I knew what was happening Richie was more awake than me and managed to put a round through the bastards chest before his friends jumped out from behind two cars in front of us we managed to take cover behind a ruined car and we returned fire. I could see the thugs had no skill they just fired randomly in our direction while we were in cover I waited till they had to reload and tossed a molotov at one of them burning the bastard to a crisp. Richie rushed the other and unloaded some buckshot into his head. My leg hurts like a bitch. Richie bandaged it up for me he’s really starting to get used to life on the road. Looking at our map it looks like there is a gas station about 10 miles away so I guess I’ll limp my way there so we can hunker down while me leg heals. I still can’t believe I let the bastard catch me lacking but it won’t happen again
We made it too the gas station. The place looks almost perfectly preserved except the group of freaks that were shuffling around outside nothing that we couldn’t deal with. There is a lot of food and water here and we should be safe here while my leg heals. I hope we don’t run into any more problems till then. I trust Richie but he’s still learning and I’m not sure he’d be able to deal with any major problem on his own.
Its been 4 weeks since I took that shot to my leg and I’m feeling a lot better. Richie managed to find some painkiller so he was able to get the round out and everything healed nicely. He really is an amazing guy young and naive but he really is a good person. I don’t know how I did it without him for so long. It nice not being alone any more. I think I’m ready to get moving again we have about another 100 miles left to go before we get to Charlotte so we better get moving.
We’re about 20 miles from Charlotte, the roads been peaceful we ran into a group of survivors living on a pretty well fortified farm about 25 miles back. They were having issues with some freaks hanging around their water pumping station so we dealt with them for them in exchange for some antibiotics to help with an infection Richie got in his leg where he cut himself jumping a fence while a freak chased him before I could dome it. Only god knows how I didn’t get an infection in my leg after getting shot but he did from cutting himself on a rusty fence guess I’m just lucky. After helping them back we continued on our way. Nothing else interesting happened and Richie is looking a lot better and his cut is basically healed. We should get to Charlotte within the day but I want to stop on a hill on the Outskirts to set up base and get a look at the situation in the city because the farmers mentioned that a horde had passed through recently and they usually get held up in cities they should have moved on by now but better safe than sorry
Chapter 5
Charlotte
We made it to the hill outside Charlotte and the place is infested millions of freaks. I’ve never seen so many of them in one place and I think I know why. In the middle of the city is an old NARU emergency treatment centre. A place where all of the cities first infected were sent. A good plan till there were to many of them and quarantine was broken then all it was was a collection of infected right in the middle of the city which lead to the whole thing being infected much faster. I’m guessing this caused most of the freaks to pile and the smell was attracting more. Oh I forgot to mention the smell imagine a pile of thousands of rotting corpses that’s the smell I’m talking about. There’s no chance we’ll be able to get through the city but I need to get to that NARU site. There might be some old documents or something about my mom I need to find out what happened to her. I’ve spoken to Richie and we both agree that we should try and divert the horde away so we can have time to get to the NARU centre.
Richie has volunteered to draw the hordes attention away while I get to the NARU building. The plan is he triggers an explosion at an old gas station on the other side of town while I get to the building and look for information about the virus and what happened to my mom. All I know is that my mom created the virus while working for NARU. I need to find out what happened to her. I hate putting Richie at risk but it needs to be done.
I just heard the explosion and it works thousands of freaks started moving like a tidal wave of flesh towards the sound I hope Richie is on his way to the meeting place at the abandoned NARU checkpoint on the south side of town but I don’t have time to think about it now I’m almost at the NARU centre I need to be as fast as possible
I made it to the NARU centre and it’s covered in bodies there’s no way I can get in it looks more like a pile of living human corpses than a building I’m guessing the freaks all turned on and consumed each other till they were all stuck and fused together. I’m making my way to the NARU checkpoint I hope Richie is already there and safe.
I made it to the NARU checkpoint and reunited with Richie. He was covered in blood and gore. He had to kill hundreds of freaks to make it here. He says he was almost bitten a few times. I can’t believe I risked his life for nothing. I’ll never do it again. While exploring the place I found this.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
The final communication between my mom and NARU it turns out she couldn’t live with the guilt and decided to kill herself. I can’t blame her I would probably do the same if I was the reason the world ended and killed billions of people but it still breaks my heart. I am happy to know she’s dead and not infected lumbering around somewhere.
Richie is exhausted and so am I were going to take a brake here and continue on to Atlanta tomorrow.
Everything is packed up and we’re ready to go. Last night was rough I kept watch while Richie slept I hate to admit it but I think I’m falling in love with him. I never really had a first love I live for 13 years at NARU but I was the oldest kid there by far by the time any of the boys were close to my age I was already jaded and thinking about leaving so I didn’t pay any attention to them but Richie is different when I found him he was so helpless and lost now he’s strong, confident and he’s so loyal to me. I don’t want to speak to soon by I think he might feel the same way I guess time will tell we still have a long road to walk together. Speaking of walking Atlanta here we come.
Chapter 6
Road to Atlanta
We ran into a group of survivors hiding in a shed on the outskirts of Charlotte on our way home two parents and a little girl they were all bitten and waiting to turn they begged us to put them down before they turned so I did but I think it took a toll on Richie. He’s been almost silent since it must’ve reminded him of his parents and little sister I hope the day never comes that one of us get bitten and the other one has to decide whether or not to do it but if it does I hope Richie has what it takes to put me down if not I hope I get to do it myself before I turn but I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. Thinking about your own death is a pretty sure-fire way to make it happen.
We ran into a pretty large group of infected must’ve been about 20 of them but all of them behaved the same as the one that jumped me on the roof of the gun store back in Raleigh. I guess that confirms that it wasn’t a once off thing but I still wonder what causes it maybe I’ll find out one day. We took them all down and continued on I hate to admit it but I really enjoy killing freaks call it therapy I guess. Richie is running low on ammo for his 12 gauge. There should be a gun store in about 30 miles so we should be able to restock there. My ammo supplies are also running a bit low only got about a hundred rounds per gun left. I know that sounds like a lot but with all the freaks on the roads it barely enough after Raleigh I had about a 500 per gun. Lets hope we don’t run into any large hordes till we get to the gun store.
We made it to the gun store just to find it controlled by 2 less than friendly guys. They opened fire as soon as they same us. We returned fire and we’re about to enter the store. Richie kicked the door down and I rushed in I let of two shots taking down the one guy the other was a second away from filling me with bullets from his Uzi but luckily Richie put a round through his chest and another through his right eye before he could. Thank god. I don’t know what I would do without him. We’ve decided to rest tonight and continue tomorrow morning.
Dixie: “Hey Richie”
Richie: “Hey Dixie”
Dixie: ”How you feeling buddy”
Richie: ”Oh you know always OK”
Dixie: ”That’s good buddy”
Richie: “Hey Dixie thank you for everything you really are the best thing that ever happened to me”
Dixie: ”Don’t mention it buddy I love you”
We’re almost 20 miles away from Atlanta and I’m not hopeful judging by smell. I’m guessing its going to be a lot worse than Charlotte but we’ll have to wait and see.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Atlanta and its as bad as I thought there are hundreds of body piles almost the size of buildings. The living freaks move around the city streets like blood through the veins of the body. Some of them are engaged in massive fights with other groups ripping each other apart.
We’re going in tomorrow but for now Richie’s hunting while I scope out the area. I hope he brings some venison anything but rabbit. I’m sick of rabbit meat. When he comes back I want to try and cuddle up to him and see what happens
Richie and I have eaten and we’re getting ready to sleep. I asked Richie if I could sleep in his sleeping bag with him. He looked at me like I was crazy but once I insisted I was serious I could see the joy on his face so we cuddled up for the night and went to sleep
Wow it felt so amazing sleeping in Richie’s arms and today everything feels different but in a good way everything just feels more intimate we had an amazing conversation about life this morning and it feels like our bond is on a whole new level. Its time to go explore Atlanta there should be an old NARU field hospital on the North-side of town but we’ve got a whole city to get through before that.
Chapter 7
Atlanta
Atlanta is a nightmare right now we’re stuck in a pharmacy bunch of freaks trying to get to us. I’m busy wiring up a pipe bomb while Richie holds the door then when I’m done BOOM
Richie Move....
BOOM....
Well that’s one way to deal with freaks. Always hate being covered in gore though. We’re near the city centre now and its as bad as we thought the place is infested with freaks every building, street and alley we’ve been fighting for every mile we’ve been moving basically carving our way through the city leaving streets flooded in blood but its worth it I can see the NARU hospital and it looks like I might be able to get in this time.
We’re Exploring the NARU hospital and its a goldmine I found a bunch of old documentation on the virus and even some reports of small towns keeping quarantine for years after the Fall. There’s also apparently an old supply and weapons depot nearby so were going there next.
Richie has been opening up a lot his little sister was out playing when a freak got her. Her parents couldn’t put her down so she turned and bit them he hid in the bathroom for 2 days before I got there and put then out of the misery. I wish I could understand how he feels because I never had anyone except my mom and I lost her so young so it never really affected me. I love him so much. This would be so difficult without him.
We made it to the NARU supply depot and it basically empty I mean it make sense Atlanta was one of the first city to fall due to vast number of infected that moved in from the nearby NARU detention camp. That was a bright idea locking up a bunch infected in one place and expecting the place to last. So the city fell to chaos pretty quickly and NARU withdrew most likely taking everything with them that or it was looted after the city fell doesn’t matter now its almost night and we should get some rest we’re going to camp on a nearby rooftop.
Sitting on the roof with Richie and a fire I can’t help but feel like life isn’t that bad yeah its not what it used to be but I mean I have food and freedom and someone I love what more could someone want from life. Looking out at the desolate streets full of freaks well except the streets we pushed through I see the death of the old world and the birth of a new one.
I should get to sleep we got a long road to Birmingham tomorrow. Its so warm and cosy pressed up against Richie.
Chapter 8
The Road To Birmingham
On our way out of Atlanta we ran into a huge freak and I mean a huge motherfucker must’ve been at least 10 feet tall and covered in muscle it looked like it was made of at least 5 other freaks. He tossed Richie against a car and knocked him out I managed to chop one of its arms off before it threw me 10 feat in the air and I crashed down on my back and passed out when I woke up Richie was putting round after round in the things chest and it still wouldn’t go down to I ran jumped on its back and used my machete to chop the freaks head off and burnt the body with a molotov just to be sure the thing was dead
Richie was pretty beat up and I’m not going to lie so was I my back hurts like a bitch but we keep on going no matter what because we still have each other. Still I wonder how those freaks got combined into that thing. Maybe that’s why they pile the way they do so they can combine into something bigger I remember something in one of the NARU document mentioning the virus being able to cause “cellular recombination” so I wonder if that’s not maybe what happened and if it is it means things are about to get a lot worse and a lot more dangerous.
We’re about 50 miles always from Birmingham now. The road has been pretty quite only the occasional group of freaks and the group of raiders we ran into outside a gas station awhile back but this time we got the drop on them and not the other way round gave all three of them a new hole in the head Richie was worried that they might be survivors till we found Sandra tied up in the gas station bathroom turns out the bastards grabbed her from her family farm during the night a few days ago and have been taking turns on her over and over since then. We agreed to take her home its the least we could do after everything that happened to her. When we got her home we found the place burnt down and her family butchered outside. I’m guessing after they grabbed her the bastards came back to finish the job. She’s decided to stick with us she’s a lot older than me and Richie. She used to be a nurse before the Outbreak she dealt with some of the first infected until NARU took over the hospitals. When things really started to go bad she moved back to Alabama to her old family farm to live with her parents they managed to set everything up before the Fall and have been living there since well till recently. She’s pretty shook about the whole situation but she should be okay in a day or two. We’ve all lost something in this new world.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Birmingham and the place is a fortress looks like remnants of the US military and NARU have fortified the place they have watch towers, auto-turrents and armed patrols. Also looks like they have a lot of military hardware. I know better than to approach the main gate NARU has a shoot on site order for all there quarantine zones no reason to assume this place would be any different. Still I have to get a look inside. Tonight while Richie and Sandra set up camp I’m going to look around and see if I can find a way in. I have to know what’s going on here.
I’ve taken a look around and I’ve found a way in through an old sewer pipe running into an old factory from there I should be able to sneak into the city and have a look around maybe they have some new information on the virus or at least I should be able to find some weapons for Sandra
Chapter 9
Birmingham
Richie and Sandra are waiting for me back at camp while I go explore the city. I left most of my kit behind except my Glock and combat knife. I’m not planning on getting into any fights and if I do I want the finished as quickly as possible. I’ve made it to the sewer pipe it should lead me to the sewer grate I saw on the other side of the fence from there I should have free reign over the city as long as I avoid the NARU patrols and don’t draw to much attention to myself.
I’ve made it into the city and it looks like something out of a George Orwell novel. Security cameras on every street, I’ve seen security forces beat a man to death and another group drag a young women kicking and screaming into an abandoned building. I hate to say it but I think life is better outside with the freaks than in here. Can’t say I’m surprised there’s a reason I left the NARU security forces and the safe zone. Lets just say civilian life and happiness has never been on their priority list. I can see a NARU supply depot I should be able to get a uniform and standard load out last I remember NARU doesn’t have a way of removing employees from the database so my security id number should still work.
I was right NARU never changes I just used my id to get a brand new NARU-P-2a NARU's home grown assault rifle basically its everything the AR-15 is but better its literally a gun made for killing freaks and you can feel it. I always wished I stole one when I left but I guess better late than never I also scanned through a few of the latest security reports and it seems like big guys like we fought back in Atlanta are becoming more common as well as a new faster infected with razor sharp claws that hunt and ambush their victims. We haven’t ran into one of those yet and I hope we don’t any time soon. I hope Richie and Sandra are okay, they should be we have no shortage of fire-power but I still worry. I’m going to keep taking a look around and maybe find out how they’ve maintained quarantine for so long
Well I got my answer and its not a good one. The NARU higher ups here basically outlawed being sick. Anyone with any symptoms that might be HRV-1 are immediately executed and burnt without exception I guess that’s one way to maintain quarantine but I can’t help but wonder how many thousands of innocent people have died to maintain it.
I think its about time I get out of here and back to Richie and Sandra.
I made it back to camp. I’m so happy to be back with Richie. He went out hunting and brought back a nice fat wild pig for dinner. Sandra is looking a lot better as well she still has that distant look in her eye but that should go away soon
Next stop Montgomery Alabama.
Chapter 10
The Road to Montgomery
I still can’t get it out of my head. The freaks are changing getting more dangerous, if I understand correctly the longer they are infected the more unstable the virus gets leading to mutations. I hope this doesn’t mean that the longer we survive the harder its going to get but there’s no point in worrying about whether or not the freaks are going to be stronger in the future as long as we make sure we get stronger too it should work out just fine. Richie and I are doing really well our love kinda makes everything a lot easier. Gives us a reason if that makes sense Sandra on the other hand is kinda dead weight if I’m being honest but its not her fault. She’s been through a lot Richie and I do our best to look out for her and take care of her. I just wish she’d start to adjust to life out here she still winches every time we take out a group of freaks or thugs and she’s a bleeding heart. Yesterday as we were going past a little abandoned convenience store we heard a little girl crying when we asked what was wrong she said they were trapped and needed help. It was obviously a trap we could see the store was fortified and the little girl looked too happy for a kid whose parents were stuck and dying but Sandra insisted we go in and help and what do you know the kids parents are perfectly healthy and holding us at gun point luckily I’m pretty quick on the draw and managed to put two rounds through the fathers chest and Richie tackled the mom. I walked up to the big dude and put one through the head to make sure the mom learns her lesson. We agreed to let her and her daughter live as long as the promised to stop robbing travellers. Sandra couldn’t handle the fact that I finished the dad off even though I think that was better than leaving his family to watch him bleed out because there was no way he would have survive I shot him through both of his lungs they would have filled up with blood and he would have chocked to death I did him a favour by putting him down but she didn’t see it that way even threatened to go it on her own until Richie and I told her to go ahead if she really thought it was the best thing for her. She then decided to stick with us
We’re nearly at the outskirts of Montgomery, we just passed the old civil rights monument. The roads been a bit too still I have a bad feeling about what we’re going to find when we get there

For context, about a year ago I started reading A Game of Thrones and absolutely loved the world building and story. I got probably 3 quarters of the way through the book and stopped because I got frustrated thinking about spending all the time reading and there never being an ending. I’m looking at getting back into the world either through the books or the shows first.
I know a few spoilers (the big thing in the first book, that wedding, the misfit of the house and what he does, Jamie losing his arm somehow and stuff like that. I also know part of the reason people didn’t like the ending of the show.
This question has been asked before, and people on this sub seem to suggest books first and vice versa on the other one. But I’m wondering, is experiencing the twists (outside of what I know) better with the show or books? I’d previously decided to just read because people didn’t like the ending of the show, but I’ve considered that it’s probably worth watching since much of it is some of the best television.
What do you think is the way to get the best impact out of both mediums?

[Posted in another group also] I'm disabled (I'm pretty stable on my feet, but I'm not up for super rugged adventures for now) and I'm in the midst of a long-running mental breakdown. I really want to get out for an overnight camping trip with my dogs. My particular mental state of the moment is having the wonderful effect of making it impossible for me to do the research I need to do to find a place. It brings on instant anxiety, which leads to panic if I don't stop.
I need as close to something specific as I can get. The littlest bit of figuring things out is far too much for me right now.
I'm hoping for suggestions of locations or for other possible online resources to help me look. I'll take the campground too, so any suggestions along those lines would also help.

• I need a car-accessible campsite but I have no particular need for established campgrounds. I've done a lot of dispersed camping in the past, so if there are roads that have possible sites that you could suggest, that'd be great too.
• I need a reasonable road that's not 4-wheel drive. Dirt is fine, just not too much for my little car with manual transmission.
• I really want to see stars if possible.
• I'd also like as much quiet as I can get.
• Something less than two hours from Spokane

I have two dogs that I'll keep on leash. I can bring water and such, so I don't need campground amenities. I just want a simple overnight to start the season off.
This is a big deal for me. I've camped extensively in my life, but it's without fail been with friends and/or partners. I've never done it alone. My focus all my life has been on being a part of a pair or a group, and I've avoided focusing on caring for myself for the entirety of my 59 years. I'm finally learning what it's like to care for myself like I've always cared for others.
I want to learn how to be alone while camping and hiking, and the overnight I want to do sometime soon is the first step for me.
Thanks!

does anyone have any doubts that Kira will inevitably be a guest for BTTB? I think most of the guests so far have been easily predictable and now there’s not many people I could picture going on. However, I think they’ll have Kira on for a season 4 episode, and I think they’d have her back later on too. She did a couple episodes of Christi’s Couch, and with Kelly having re - met her at the reunion, I can see Kira for sure going on.
I’m also hoping they have Jill again for an LA season episode, and I’d love if they had Kendall!! I understand they have only had the kids that are their kids on, but I think Kendall or Kalani would be great cohosts for a recap. Hell, even Jojo would be a good guest host for BTTB considering her history with Christi, how big of a fan she is, and how outspoken she is. I also don’t think we’ve seen the last of Brian, I could see them having him on for S8. I do not think Jess will ever be a guest, Kelly seemed to really not be a fan when she’s recounted interactions with Jess from the reunion.
I think after season 4 they will really need to lean into bringing guests on for episodes they’re not a part of.

• 24F, UK, no alcohol/smoking/drugs, healthy lifestyle and diet. With enamel hypoplasia and very discoloured teeth probably due to Amelogenesis Imperfecta. Sorry for post length.

My front teeth are very discoloured, depending on the light they look anywhere from yellow to grey. Some of my front teeth also have a mottled appearance with tiny lighter patches. They grew like this. It is 100% not a hygiene issue as I'm always told at my yearly dental check ups that my hygiene is perfect. My upper row central and lateral incisors are all half composite because the teeth have snapped over the years. From canine to canine (on both upper & lower rows) they also have a texture of raised vertical lines running down them. It makes them look slightly bumpy and even worse. The teeth beyond the front six are better, still with thin enamel and yellow but they have never cracked or chipped.
Every dentist I have seen has said I have enamel hypoplasia, but each has said it was caused by something different. Mainly they say Amelogenesis Imperfecta (AI). Some photos of milder AI look a lot like my teeth. Although it sounds like AI makes teeth prone to decay and I've never had a cavity, so I don't know.
My concern is my teeth being so discoloured. It's so embarrassing and I avoid smiling. I look like I never brush my teeth and have zero hygiene. I tried peroxide gel from the dentist as a teen which did nothing at all. I've since learnt that peroxide only really works for discolouration caused by surface stains, not for intrinsic discolouration. I moved to another dentist and spoke to him about veneers but he said they're not great for younger people because I would need to keep having them repaired/replaced for the next 60 years and it's a big commitment. He said it's best to leave the teeth alone because they're as healthy as they'll ever be and doing stuff to them them could cause problems as they are fragile.
I've looked in to the 'flipper' removable veneers but saw a lot of reviews saying they look really bad in person (even the expensive ones apparently aren't great). I don't really know what else to consider. I know it sounds dramatic but it has made me self-conscious in every single social interaction I've ever had since the age of about 9. I've given myself receding gums because when I was young I thought brushing for 45+ minutes would make them whiter.
Are there any other options to make them whiter without causing damage or are veneers the only real option? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Please excuse the lack of photo, I can't bring myself to take a photo of my teeth.

Do you ever have childhood nightmares or dreams? As for me, at a very young age, I always got nightmares whenever we watched something scary or even just a mention of ghosts. Where I grew up in the Philippines, there was this fantasy show that we watched as kids. Thinking about it now, it's kind of creepy. Whether it was about fairies or friendly ghosts, I still got creeped out and had nightmares about it. There was this nightmare of mine that traumatized me as a kid. You don't really remember your dreams until you're eating breakfast and it suddenly hits you that you had a nightmare before waking up. It's about this island. Imagine the town/island where the Teletubbies are. That one, but imagine it with brown grass instead of green, complete darkness instead of the baby sun, and instead of open space, it's filled with creepy trees. All I remember is running towards that forest and something chasing me. I couldn't look back and kept running. I could feel the trees snitching on my location until I stumbled over a big root of a massive tree. There's a scratch on my knee and I can feel it sting. With my petite body and out-of-breath lungs, all I did was stare at my bleeding knees. I wasn't crying, but I know I was scared. *Dum...dum...dum.* I could hear it, not in my ears but in my heart. It seems like my heart is synchronizing to the vibration. I still don't know what's out there, but I know I should be running away from it. I saw a silhouette walking towards me slowly. It's big, but not giant big. I close my eyes and then suddenly I am awake, lying down straight like a person in a coffin.
I never talked to anyone about my nightmares. It's normal to have nightmares, but the people around me are saying that it's not normal for a kid to sleep straight like a dead body. I never really took it seriously. I kept having weird nightmares of running in a dark place again. I still don't know who's chasing me. When you are a kid, you have very vivid memories of what your childhood was like. Mine is filled with nightmares. I did still enjoy my childhood and yet still able to be a 'normal' kid. I had plenty of friends, played in the street, and did such fun things. I still feel like something is missing and I tend to mix up memories with dreams. When you are a kid, you have such wild imaginations that you think it is real, but once you turn into an adult, you think that it's impossible for that to happen in the real world. That is just one of the nightmares that stuck in my head and that something I still dream about.
I remember having this dream, or perhaps something happened? Until now, it still confuses me, but here's how it goes. I was playing with my cousins and some of our friends. It was in the middle of the night, maybe 8 or 9 PM? I know it was dark, with streetlights shining through the street. Living in the busiest city in the Philippines, you would still see a bunch of people outside. We were playing hide and seek. I was thankful that I was not 'it' this time. As the seeker counted to 10, we all spread around and found a place to hide. I decided to hide behind a motorized tricycle, as we simply call them tricycles (just Google what it looks like). One of my friends came with me, but I told her to go away as I didn’t want to get found. She ran off and found another place to hide. I was chuckling, and I could still hear people around me talking and laughing, but in my mind, I just didn’t want to get caught. I didn’t hide far away from where the seeker was; I could still hear him counting 'and… 10.' Suddenly, everything went quiet. I was quiet too, as I didn’t want him to find me first. I crouched back behind the motorized tricycle, and I could hear him walking far away from me. I sighed with relief. I heard that he found someone far away, as I heard one of my cousins scream in excitement because the seeker found her.
I chuckled.
I didn’t hear any footsteps, but I could see a shadow coming towards me as the tricycle was parked just below a lamppost. I slowly moved around to avoid being found, circling slowly and getting into the rhythm of the shadow. Now, there was a gap inside the motorcycle where I could see the other side. I slowly looked through the gap and, to my surprise, saw a figure looking at me. I got startled, but I didn’t scream. I stood up right away, and to my surprise, I was back there again, on that island. The tricycle that was in front of me became a tree. Not just a tree, but a tree with massive roots that made me stumble in my previous dream. I was confused. Even now, as I think of it, I know it’s not a dream, but it's getting weirder. My first thought was 'Where are my friends?' The figure I saw earlier was gone. I got out from behind that tree and searched around the forest for an exit. As I was running, I could hear mumbling sounds. I was a kid, and my brain was controlling this stuff, so I went and followed the sounds. One sound seemed familiar—it was my friend's voice—but it seemed like something was stuck in her mouth; it was echoing through the forest.
As the sounds became clearer, my eyes couldn’t believe what I saw. My friends and cousins were tied to the trees, their mouths covered with tape. In my mind, I had to get out of there because I was scared as hell, but at the same time, I wanted to help them. I ran to my cousin first, and as I was going near her, a figure appeared behind her tree. It had eight hands like a spider, but it was brown and shaped like a cockroach. It had a face like a human—technically an image of a human in a cockroach-spider-looking costume. His or her face had makeup that blended with what it was wearing, and it was smiling towards me; I could see its yellow teeth.
"We've looked everywhere for you," it said while slowly coming towards me.
I couldn’t speak or move. I was so scared. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
"Now we can start the game," it said in the friendliest way possible. "I won't hurt you or your friends. I just want to play," it added.
Being raised to be nice to everyone, I nodded. I still wasn't speaking.
"Can I get a hug?" it requested.
I nodded again.
It hugged me, and I could feel all of its legs on my body. The thing I thought was its costume? It was actually connected to it. It was warm, and I just closed my eyes. I touched one of its legs, and it felt sticky. Suddenly, I woke up and saw my grandma's husband staring at me, telling me to wake up as it's time for school, and then he left. I saw my left palm was kind of sticky, sweat, I guess. That's all I can remember from that time. I went to school and lived the rest of the day as a "normal" kid, still thinking about that nightmare. Some of my dreams are not all nightmares; they are happy dreams too. But what's stuck with me is that every time I have a nightmare, it's basically a continuation of the other, but it only happens once I completely forget about it.
Later that same year, I dreamt about it again, but differently. I had already made friends with this creature. It seems that I completely accepted it, and I was not scared of it anymore, but I was not happy either. There was something about it that still seemed odd to me, but I was just not reacting to any of it. We would play tag, hide and seek, and other games. As I noticed the place getting darker and darker, I also noticed that a few of my friends who were in my dreams were getting fewer and fewer until it was just us. It still kept its attitude, lively and happy to play with me. I asked it, "Aren't you sad?" It just kept smiling for a good 5 seconds and slowly frowned, answering, "Why would I? You are all I need as a friend." Then it started jumping around like those mascots you see in kids' TV shows. I remained the same, not happy, not sad, but I went with its flow.
I also noticed that before I woke up, it hugged me, like saying goodbye and at the same time inviting me to see each other again. There was something about its hug too. I could feel the warmth of its eight legs covering my whole body and its breath around my neck. In my dreams, I kept touching at least one of its legs. It seemed that it became a habit, and I could feel it sticky. I woke up again in a straight laying-down position, and my hands were drying, but I could feel the wetness. Then my grandma's new husband was ready to take me to school again.
When I was 9, my mom decided that my siblings, my dad, and I would move to my mom’s side for 3 years before leaving the Philippines. It was my dad's side where I kept having nightmares. I don’t get those nightmares anymore. Sometimes I miss them, and sometimes I wonder if they miss me too. I stopped looking for them. I feel like they went away when I started going to church with my strictly Catholic grandmother. We had to wake up at 6 am to prepare for church, and every day for those 3 years, we had to pray at 7 pm for an hour. We knelt in front of the saints' statues, and my belief in God strengthened. I forgot about the nightmares. I lived like a normal child, had a great childhood, had a bunch of friends, and grew up to be a decent girl. My mom announced that we were all leaving for Canada, and I just remember being so excited about it.
I was 11 years old when I and my friends were playing outside my house. I know I was still a kid then, even if my grandma keeps telling me to stop playing as I am already a grown woman (culture things). Our neighbour's are like aunts and uncles to us; I play with their kids sometimes who're the same age as me. We are all close to each other, even the adults. They treat us as their own since my mom grew up with them as well. One of my neighbors, whom I called “Tito” (uncle in Tagalog), called me and asked me when we were leaving for the Philippines. I told him soon, and he told me how I looked like my mom. I told him how much I miss my mom and how I cannot wait to see her again. He gave me a hug, and then my world stopped. This hug looks familiar. I can feel his breathing around my neck and the warmth of his hug. His hands are playing on my back, slowly stroking it. I swallowed and told him that I had to go since my grandma was probably looking for me. He let go and smiled at me. I just felt tears running through my eyes, and everything came back.
I was SA when I was a kid. I was SA by my step grandfather at my dad’s side. I feel like throwing up, and I can feel everything crawling toward me. I remember the first time he did it. When my mom left, he started touching me. As a kid, I treated him as a monster and just created these scenarios in my head. Even my childhood friends saw it, but since we were kids at the time, what would they know? It was inside the motorized trycicle where he was touching all over, but he said that we were just playing hide and seek and that he found me. It was then that I was so ashamed to play with my friends, as I remember one of my cousins stopping coming over because he started touching her too. The place is my dark place. Now I remember everything. I was so mad and angry. I remember that I would wake up in those positions after he touched me and felt my whole body. And remember the sticky thing in my hands? Yeah, it was his semen that he wiped away before I got to sleep, which is why whenever I am about to wake up, he is almost always there.
Now that I am in my 20s, I have tried to move on, yet the trauma still lingers within me. That monster died a few years ago, and his last words to me were, “Do you still remember me?”. I never had a chance to confront him. I opened up about my experience to a couple of my friends and gave advice to those who have experienced it too. I help those friends of mine who are still experiencing it and assist them in getting out of that situation. My only regret is that I was too afraid. I used to blame myself, but not anymore. None of it is my fault; I was just a child. I was not strong enough to keep my peace, still thinking that it is all a dream for the sake of my peace of mind. I wanted to apologize to the kid in me for not protecting her during those times, but I will never let that happen again to anyone that I know of. I now live in Canada, working in an office and happily thinking that my monster’s body is burning in hell. Thank you for reading. Please always watch out for whoever is watching your kids, your younger siblings, as you never know even the very person you trust can do massive damage to your loved ones.
What happened to me is not a dream or a nightmare. It's reality.

I am planning a 2-day hiking trip to Big Bear soon, after the snow gets lighter, perhaps near Memorial Day. I'd like to go on a hike on each of those 2 days. Things I am looking for include:

• 5 to 15 mile length
• No more than 3000 feet elevation change, less is better
• Dog friendly. If my dog can go off leash, that is a bonus
• I especially enjoy pine forest and meadow terrain. Best of all is when there are lakes or water sources along the route. Campgrounds are often found in such areas.
• Views from high elevation are okay, but not a priority for me. I'm more concerned with the other 90+% of the hike that does not have the views from high elevation.
• I prefer packed ground or grass terrain. I do not like terrain with loose or sharp rocks, such as gravel.
• I do not like walking on dirt roads. I want trails.
• Less crowded is better
• I prefer to avoid cyclists
• I enjoy seeing animals in their natural habitat, aside from rattlesnakes

​
Some possible options are below. Are there any of these or others that you would or would not recommend?

• Champion Lodgepole via Castle Rock trail and surrounding forest at top -- I've gone on this hike ~4 years ago and enjoyed it. Most people seem to prefer the Castle Rock portion. I wasn't as impressed with the rock, as much as was at the top with scenic lake and surrounding forest at the top. I would have enjoyed spending more time at the top and may repeat.
• Pine Knot to Grand View -- I also enjoyed this one. The forest area along the way up was really nice. I continued along the skyline trail at the top, which was just okay -- more rocky and less forest. I plan to skip it this time.
• Cougar Crest: 5 miles, 800ft elev -- Seems okay, wary about the many comments that mention terrain being "rocky".
• Grays Peak -- 7 miles, 1200ft elev -- Seems okay, doesn't have quite as good reviews as the other trails listed above
• Bertha Peak -- 7.5 miles, 1400ft elev -- Seems okay, a few comments mention rocky, but not as much as Cougar Crest. I prefer the pictures from Bertha Peak to Cougar Crest and Grays Peak by a small margin.
• Crafts Peak -- 7 miles, 1600 elev -- I prefer the pictures to any of the crest/peak trails above by a good margin. I also expect it will be much less crowded. Unfortunately it is located out of the way in Green Valley Lake. I expect I'll have a lot more total driving on winding roads to get there, even if I stop as a break on the way there/back.
• Jenks Lake + South Fork to Dry Lake: 11-15 miles, 2300+ft elev -- This would probably be my number one choice in 2020. I like how I can combined forest with lakes, and it being in a less crowded area. However, post-2020 pictures show a lot of burned forest areas, which I am not as fond of. I'm not sure if people just like to take pictures of the burned forest areas, or if it's going to be like that the whole way. These trails are off the 38. If I go to big bear on the 38 instead of the CA-18, it will add another 20 minutes to the drive. However, the 38 looks less winding than the 18. I am prone to motion sickness, and would gladly add another 20 minutes, if it meant fewer winding roads. It also could be a pleasant way to break up the long drive.

Hi All,
I just wrote a very lengthy post on my life as a parent of a "troubled" daughter. She is 16 and has been diagnosed with autism, anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder, and borderline personality disorder. She has been in three different programs. Currently, she is at Red Hawk Academy in Littlefield, Arizona. She has been at the school for the past six months.
On my own, without any request by Red Hawk Academy , I have decided to address and dispel any accusations and/or allegations directed at Red Hawk Academy ("RHA").
RHA is located in Littlefield, Arizona and is the owners of the school are Valerie and Sonny. Valerie, Sonny, and all of the staff at RHA are honest, caring, and true to their words.
Before I address the outrageous and false accusations regarding RHA, I would like to point out that these posts/conversations are usually written by individuals who: (1) never had a daughter who attended RHA or (2) disgruntled, upset, and emotionally charged kids who may or may not have attended RHA.
That being said, when reading any negative post (including accusations and allegations) about RHA, or any therapeutic program, you should always think about who is writing the post. I have noticed that parents who have actually sent their kids to therapeutic boarding schools have long posts where they take the time to explain how they ended up sending their kids to one of these programs.
I have nothing to gain in writing this post. I am writing this post because I have a daughter with many psychological and behavioral problems. I am writing this post because sending her to RHA was the best decision I could have made for her and our family.
The following are accusations/allegations about RHA are without merit and completely ridiculous:
1) There is no information on individual staff members: FALSE - you can go to the RHA website (https://www.redhawkrtc.com/) and you will find information on each staff member. If you click on a staff member's name, you can read a bio on that person.
2) " My brother told me my niece can't get calls or mail": FALSE - we speak to our daughter every week. She also writes us letters that are scanned and sent via email. The family can send letters via email or regular mail. I know she receives the letters because she sends a written response or we discuss the letter on a video call. Every Wednesday, the girls receive all correspondence from their family members. In regards to the calls - the calls are all video calls. We get to talk to our daughter every week. There are two types of calls which occur every other week: (i) hour-long zoom family session with our daughter and Valerie (who has a master's in social work); (ii) 15-minute video call with our daughter on Google Meet. On the weeks where we do not have a family session with our daughter, we still meet for an hour with Valerie. As a parent, you may worry that every other week, you are only able to talk to your daughter for 15-minutes. I believe there are many reasons for the call schedule: (1) an hour-long family session every week is tough on our daughter (and I believe most kids); (2) it is nice to have a therapy session without our daughter, so we can work on our family and learn how to best support our daughter; and (3) parents are a distraction - when we have the family sessions, at times, we witness an angry, defiant, and resentful daughter. Both our family and our daughter need time apart to heal and self-reflect on the process.
3) "The owner (Sonny) gets his feet rubbed by the girls": FALSE - our daughter has never reported any inappropriate conduct by Sonny or any staff member. While you may think that my daughter (and the others) can't truthfully report what is going on at the facility, what you may not know, is that I visit my daughter every three months. I went to visit her in April and she stayed in a hotel room with us for three nights. If there was something going on at the school she would have told us.
4) " They (therapeutic boarding schools) are all unregulated and abusive": FALSE - all facilities are regulated at the state level or county level. As for the "abusive" comment, I can only speak as to the programs my daughter has attended. All three of the programs were not abusive. In our family, we have agreed to a safe word, which is a word our kids will use if ever in danger. My daughter has done everything in her power to get expelled from these programs and she has not once used the safe word. She knows the seriousness of using the safe word and knows that it should be used only if she truly is in danger (or being abused). Also, if you think about it logically, RHA would not allow families to take their kids away from the facility for days at a time if there was any abuse occurring at the school. In addition, some people may believe that consequences equates to abuse. My daughter's behavior is driven by her borderline personality disorder, and consequences are needed to curb that behavior. I have spoken with psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists and all have agreed that consistent consequences are the way to handle borderline personality disorders. The consequences are RHA are: (i) NOT abusive, (ii) reasonable, and (iii) sufficiently address the bad behavior.
5) " Sonny had them doing chores outside of the facility": FALSE - The girls can work outside of the building (located on school property) once they reach a certain goal. My daughter looks forward to working outside with Sonny and she gets to make some money in the process. I can't imagine any parent getting upset because his/her daughter is working. My daughter (and many other daughters) need to learn how to work, follow instructions, and follow-through with a project. My daughter had a great time painting a structure and it helped her understand the value of hard work. One of the staff members sent me a photo of my daughter after she finished the painting and she had a great big smile and paint all over her. Bottom-line, I want my daughter to be proud of her accomplishments, whether it be weed picking, painting, or other outdoor tasks.
6) It is dangerous to give guardianship to RHA: FALSE - I admit that I was scared when I was asked to sign a document giving temporary guardianship to RHA. But then, once again, I thought about it logically. My daughter lives in another state and I need to someone to have the legal right to make choices/decisions on daughter's behalf. I will not risk the health and well-being of my daughter due to my own ungrounded fear in allowing temporary guardianship. More importantly, I truly trust RHA staff and know that they have the well-being of my daughter in mind when making decisions.
7) "It’s usually the parents that are the problem and that’s the reality of it. So maybe check urself too or try family therapy or try to understand ur kid better": FALSE - If there is anything you take from this post is that not all families are the problem. Yes, some parents may be the problem, but not in my case. My daughter grew up in a loving environment where she was well taken care of. The family dynamic was healthy and we, as parents, offered emotional support, encouragement, love, kindness, and respect. My husband and I wanted to provide my daughter with the best life possible. My daughter, with no choice in the matter, has a chemical imbalance in her brain. I do not fault my daughter for this imbalance, but I do hold her accountable for her actions. She is consciously making decision that have put her life at risk.
I have not covered all negative posts, but addressed some of the posts that stood out to me.
Her is my message to you - I love my daughter unconditionally. Above all else, I want her to be happy and healthy. It was a difficult decision to send her away, and there are many days that I am sad she is not living with us. Sometimes I wish she could come home. But, then I remind myself why she is at RHA. She is there because she needs help, help that we could not provide her. She was breaking the family and in the process destroying herself. My greatest act of love was to send her to a program where she can get the help she needs.
The only program that has been successful for our family is RHA. RHA offers a safe and caring environment. The staff listen to us and guide us to making the best decisions for our family and our daughter. RHA offers encouragement and support to our daughter. It is hard to think about where my daughter would be if we did not seek help for her last year.
Words of wisdom, when you call a program or visit a program, pay attention to your gut instinct. Ask for the telephone numbers of parents who have had a daughter in the program. Not all therapeutic boarding schools are bad and abusive. Talk to the head of the school/program and make sure you feel heard and understood by that person. The first time I called Valerie, I had a really good feeling. She had a positive attitude and answered each and every question I asked. She was not evasive and she was forthright with her responses. Sometimes, you need to take a leap of faith, and that leap led me to RHA.
For parents of daughters who struggle, remember that you are not alone and there are options for you and your daughter. Every so often, I see glimpses of my sweet daughter, and I hope that for you!
Wish you all the best!

Hi, so I’ve been looking for some advice but have no one to ask or go to. I’m 19m, from the UK and I am sort of stuck with what to do with my life.
I have no qualifications as I left school early, earlier than I’m legally meant to, so I could get straight into working and making money. I’m now realising this was a very big mistake and don’t know how to get out of the hole I’ve dug myself into. I work a night shift job because it pays well but I hate every second of it as my working environment isn’t good for my mental health or health in general.
I want to do all these things like go back to school to get my proper qualifications and get a trade and get myself on my feet, however I can’t seem to figure out how to do this as I need the money from my job as I am working full time and am just barely able to live.
I don’t know how to get out of it and go back to school because if I reduce my hours at work I don’t know how I’ll be able to live but I know I need to get out of what i have put myself into, so really I’m just looking for advice on how to save as much money as possible, it sounds easy, I’ve tried to save but I always find myself spending my savings because I genuinely need it. I’m also in between places, staying with family etc as my relationship with my immediate family isn’t good and I can’t get a place of my own because of my age no one will rent to me, I just feel like there’s no way out of this hole.
Any advice is appreciated

I have been getting into Digimon in a big way, and I've become interested in trying out the virtual pet side of things. Now, this is not a "what vpet do I get" post, I have already done my own research and have some interests; I have my eyes on the Digimon 20th, the Digimon X, the Vital Hero, and maybe even the upcoming Pendulum Virus Busters. However, before I jump into this aspect of the hobby, I do want to collude with some more experienced vpet collectors.

1. I work full time and have multiple different hobbies, interests, and obligations. Sometimes things just pass me by because I haven't had time to keep up with them. I know vpets require constant upkeep, as they are, well, digital pets. What I want to know is if I were to leave a vpet alone for weeks or months at a time, is that a deal breaker? I understand that if you disregard your pet for too long it will eventually die, but if that were to happen, can I just start anew and pick it back up? I don't think its possible to put it into "stasis" so I can just come back to it later, but if I just leave the thing for a while, will it make constant noise to try to get my attention or will it sort of back off after a while until I'm back into it?
   
2. Speaking of working full time, I'd like to have it along with me for work because I don't want to leave it idle for 8-10 hours at a time and it'll give me a little something to do between assignments. My only concern with this is how loud and distracting are these things, generally? I don't mind a little beep beep here and there, but I wouldn't want it to be going off and agitating anyone who happens to be in a nearby room or sitting near me as I'm working.
   
3. I mentioned that I have my eyes on about three to four different vpets, and it would be nice to collect each of them even just to have them as cool little items (in particular, one of the Digimon X pets just so happens to be my three favorite colors, so it feels like a lovely little accessory). How hard is it to juggle multiple vpets, and related to the first question, can I just put one aside for a bit while I focus on a different one? Let's say I get Digimon 20th and Digimon X. I start up Digimon 20th and get a little guy, I start training and caring for that, and after a few weeks or months I decide to put it down and pick up Digimon X, work on that for a little while for a change of pace. Then eventually I'll probably put that down and go to something else, or come back to Digimon 20th and maybe start a new guy? Is that possible? It feels like I wouldn't want to have multiple active vpets going, I already have enough trouble keeping track of stuff I'm already doing, unless people do it all the time?
   
4. Specifically about the Vital Hero, I know that one is a little more hands-off; less virtual pet, more exercise partner. I like the idea of wearing it during work and getting some steps in and seeing how my guy turns out. I also really like all the different dim cards and some of them really nail some cool aesthetics and have a LOT of Digimon I like, so I think it would be fun to go on a bit of a hobby journey to collect them. But while I like having it count my steps while I'm being active, I don't know if I'm looking to use it to springboard myself into a more active lifestyle, like I'm not really ready to dedicate time to exercising and going on walks just for the bracelet (I was just figuring I walk a lot at work so I'd get some use out of that). Does the Vital Hero require you to actively exercise and do routines to progress or is it okay to just count steps and do some mini games? Like how active does this thing expect me to be, because I could probably do some small things here and there, but I don't want to accidentally subscribe to a gym membership just so I can evolve an Agumon.
   

I think those are my biggest concerns and I'd love some input from more experienced collectors. If you have any insight on any or all of these, please don't hesitate to answer even if you're only weighing in on one, I'd still love to hear what you have to say. I appreciate the time you took to read all this!

I (17F) have been feeling a little off since my last period (ending 4/15). I've had a little bit of nausea which is not abnormal for me, tender breasts, sensitive stomach, and I've been like really moody... crying all the fucking time. I didn't think to take a pregnancy test and just attributed my physical ailments to stress of graduating HS and just thinking about life and the fact that I'm going to be a real adult soon and all that jazz.
I only became worried and took an early pregnancy test on Sunday morning (5/12) because I was a few days late (which i also attributed to stress), and there was a very very faint line which did not show once the test was dry so I assumed it was just negative and went on with my day.
That night I started feeling some cramping which was the same as my normal period cramping and went to bed thinking I would just wake up and start my period the next day.
At school yesterday, Monday (5/13), I started bleeding and it was much much heavier and darker than usual, with a few really large clots of blood that I haven't seen before in the 7 and a half years I've been menstruating. I use a menstrual disc, so I see everything. I am still bleeding heavily, but less so and there has been less frequent, more period-looking clots today.
I know my body and I don't feel normal right now but I don't want to believe that I was pregnant and looking at pictures of other people's miscarriages is not helping me figure it out because I didn't have any of the white tissue or anything just big blood clots and a lot of cramping.
My boyfriend and I only use condoms and we had a little malfunction during my period last month but he didn't like finish inside of me or anything.. we caught it first.
The only person who knows that I am concerned is my best friend. My boyfriend doesn't know, neither my parents nor my sister know, and I don't know if or whom I should even tell.
Can someone please help or just lie to me and tell me I'm fine and it's just my period because I can't bring myself to talk to my mom because I don't want to upset her as she had 4 miscarriages and a hard time getting pregnant in general so I don't want to trigger anything for her. I've been crying all day and I just feel so... guilty? I don't know what about but I feel awful. I feel like I lost something but I don't know if there was anything to lose to begin with.

I’ve never been one for job titles. I feel like we custodians all have this in common. I was in a government office setting the first 5 years of my career. They got rid of two custodians at two different buildings and I was part time in public works at the time. I worked on the property maintenace crew for a period so they knew me in the building and managment took a liking to me and offered me the job. 2 buildings was inefficient in my opinion but I made it work. I had two bosses at each building that made my life miserable. I got the chance to go to the library and took it ( great boss there ) They call me a building manager there and I have more responsibility there. My job title is still custodian. This was all fine but I’ve watched so many people get more money I figured why should I settle for just being called a building manager but not get paid for more responsibility. I was so well liked at the government building that part of my job is still going and vacuuming and doing trash in the Managment section of the building every Friday morning even though I was replaced. I had to do this to get to the library which is no big deal. The manager is on his way out and I’d like to take advantage of him knowing my work ethic because I more than likely won’t know the next manager. I had to start writing monthly building reports on what I’ve done. I didn’t like this at first but realized I could use them to my advantage. I’ve made room setup manuals and manuals for how to use the computer for the heat and AC. The bar was low from the guy before me and simple tasks like hanging something were taking forever, half the outside lights not on, nothing getting ordered, or even simple tasks like getting bids not getting done. So everyone is so happy with me. I order, deal with contractors, light electrical, light plumbing, clean carpets and bathrooms, and have a part time helper. I take everything I can off my bosses plate and get things done in a timely transparent fashion. With all this being send I want to ask for a raise and a change in title. I want to suggest a title that’s more fitting. What are some of your titles and the responsibilities that come with that ?

From my Fetlife. Prepare for cringefest. Tell me your thoughts about my cringe.
Hello, everyone. I'd like to introduce myself to you.
Ever since I turned 20, I've been dreaming of becoming another woman's housewife (or, as I like to say, a "wifey"), but I've never exactly known how to make it become a reality. I've always been an extremely submissive person and life hasn't treated me very well both for being like that and for trying not to be like that. I score extremely highly in agreeableness and I take great pleasure in serving those I care for. Specifically and preferably, a woman I love and who also loves me. Today, I'm looking for a romantic, ordinary and 100% monogamous relationship with a woman, but one that includes the element of dominance and submission and the possibility of me being her full-time housewife. While she works, I take care of the house. When she comes home, I take care of her. Always very lovingly and completely given to her body and soul as well as to the household's domestic duties. In practice, I want to be the woman in the relationship. I want to go far beyond the basics such as cooking and cleaning: I want to be responsible for doing her nails, her make-up and giving her massages whenever she wants them. I want to learn to cook everything she likes to eat. Maybe even learn gardening to take care of her plants. Perhaps the origin of this is an innate need of mine to be necessary and useful to someone and I guess that is how it is.
Inevitably, I believe this relationship would also include elements of platonic worship. The reason for this is that I have always harboured an adoration for the female figure, the female energy, the female essence and the female appearance. None of this is sexual. In fact, I feel that this element of platonic worship is so strong that I would even feel uncomfortable seeing my dominating partner naked because it would make me feel the same dirty lust for her that I'd feel for porn actresses when I'd watch their movies and I feel that this would be disrespectful to her and to what her image represents to me. This adoration for the female figure is also one of the reasons for my gender transition, which began in September of 2023. I admire the feminine image so much that I want to make it a part of me. I don't like being a man, looking like a man, being treated like a man, behaving like a man and, God fobid, dealing with masculine gender roles. I have an enormous need to feminize my gender expression because that's what makes me happy.
For reasons that are far beyond my control and that may sound cheesy, I always end up seeing women whom I find beautiful to be superior to me. Not in a bad way, but simply in a kind of hierarchy where I'm below them. So, for some reason, I feel fulfilled imagining myself serving them in a completely devoted way. In a way, I can sum myself up as a human Golden Retriever in terms of loyalty, perhaps to pathological levels. Such a level of unexplored and repressed loyalty that I can easily imagine myself getting so deeply involved with the right woman and creating an emotional bond so indestructible that I would go as far as burying a body with her without giving it a second thought. It's as if there were a hurricane inside me waiting for the ideal conditions to form and destroy everything in its path to reach its goal. My goal is domestic servitude within a romantic relationship and this storm inside me will only grow larger and larger over time. I don't see much value in ordinary work as in working for a company. I only see meaning and purpose in domestic work in a relationship for and with a woman I love with great obedience, dedication, submission and gratitude. I don't see myself as a leader, but as someone to be led.
I come from a place where I suffered a lot of verbal abuse directed at my appearance for being too thin and I see that the world today is full of evil people with an evil intent who get off at doing evil things and also of people who omit themselves when they observe evil being done and end up becoming accomplices by omission. All of this makes me really want to put myself in a kind of safe space with someone trustworthy where I don't have to be constantly watching over my shoulder in order to check whether there already are vultures circling me from above waiting for the ideal moment to pounce. I look like an easy victim for predators and I've always attracted them without any difficulty, unfortunately. I am soft and highly sought by them. I want to be able, if only for a few hours, to let my guard down completely knowing that I'm not in danger and that I'm with someone well-intending who, at worst, doesn't wish me harm and, at best, actively cares about my well-being. In other words, a relationship like any other. I very much want and like the idea of giving myself body and soul to a woman who has consideration for me, for whom I have value and who is in charge of the relationship (FLR). As I said, I want to put myself in a situation of total vulnerability in a controlled and safe environment with a person I can trust and who means well. I want to put myself below them in every situation and always put them before myself unconditionally. I want to live under domestic servitude, as well as having a romantic, ordinary, monogamous relationship like any other. If there's no love, there's no point. I can't explain exactly what I feel, but I see this dynamic as the most honest way I can express love to my owner, mistress and friend. This is the rawest and most sincere manifestation of my personality. And please don't get me wrong: I'm not here trying to "cure" myself through BDSM or draw attention to myself by talking about my problems that nobody cares about. I'm just putting all this into context and explaining objective reality as it is, that's all.
I have no idea how I'm going to fulfill this dream and where I'm going to find this woman. I see a lot of profiles here of dommes who are only in it for fetishistic reasons and to make money and that makes me a little sad. But I understand, since a relationship can end up being a very big responsibility and many women don't want this kind of burden in their lives. Not to mention that the temptation of financial gain must be too great for them not to take advantage of. And in an economy like this, I think it will be considerably difficult to find a woman who will want to keep someone at home without generating income just taking care of the household chores. The odds don't seem to be in my favor and the entire setting seems less than ideal.
I feel disgusted by and abhor any fetish scenario that involves the element of being a housewife, maid and the like, especially if it includes elements of humiliation for carrying out such activity. I understand that for some it can be pleasurable, but for me it's despicable. I can't associate being a housewife with something humiliating and if that's your intention with me, don't get in touch. As for sexual activity in general in a relationship, I don't have much to say. Hormone replacement therapy completely obliterated my libido and I see no purpose in any activity that promotes my sexual pleasure. To all intents and purposes, I've become somewhat asexual. I'd accept being penetrated by my domme if she wanted to, since I'd put her wishes before my own, but I feel it's hardly something I'd ask for. I'm much more interested in the emotional side of the relationship than the sexual.
Still on the subject of sexuality, I feel that the word "virgin" isn't accurate enough to describe myself. This word is used to refer to people who have never had sex, which is my case, but I've also never had any other intimate experience with a woman. It's not that I've never had sex, I've never even hugged a woman in bed. I've barely experienced any degree of intimacy with a woman before. I suppose this complete lack of sexual experience will be viewed in a very bad light by the women I seek, but I don't think there's much I can do about it. I have no interest in having these first experiences with, for example, a prostitute because I'm looking for a real emotional connection in a legitimate relationship. I'm a romantic and I have no choice but to wait.
I can't imagine a life in which I allow this dream not to come true. It can't not happen. If it doesn't, I'll have an extremely bitter deathbed full of regrets.
When it comes to the woman I'm looking for, I only have three demands: don't be a drug user (cigarretes included), be a gentle domme and unconditionally monogamous.
My gratitude for you will be eternal and my debt to you unpayable.
I hope the woman I'm looking for is out there waiting to be found.

It kind of seems like every year we see a period of "Electric Vehicles are DONE!", "Electric Vehicles are not selling!", etc. etc. ad nauseam.
After every year finishes I check the actual numbers when it comes to Battery Electric Vehicles (BEV), Conventional Hybrids, Plug-in hybrid electric vehicles (PHEV), etc. etc.
Guess what...
They are always up lol
Yes interest rates are high right now.
Yes although the economy is doing good there is a general feeling amongst regular folks and families that there is still a massive Affordability of life crisis and so they may be holding back from big purchases.
Yes some people are holding back till standards like NACS, apartment/work charging sites, and so forth come into place.
All that being said Electric Vehicles are going to keep increasing and increasing in market share. The GROWTH has slowed down. There is still growth.. Year after year.
Now for the future:

1. Rivian R2, R3, R3X (In particular Rivian R3)
   
2. Chevrolet Bolt EV on the Ultium platform
   
3. Volvo EX30
   

(Rumored Hyundai IONIQ 2, Here and there Tesla Model 2 that is either its own platform and unboxed model and or a simplified Tesla Model 3 or Model Y (No one really knows lol), Rumored Ford Compact Crossover, etc.)
https://www.caranddriver.com/news/g29994375/future-electric-cars-trucks/
These and others are going to lead to a lot more sales and growth going forward.
The technology, engineering, and software are going to keep improving and improving just like they always do.
We will keep seeing a better charging infrastructure in both quality and vastness.
We will keep seeing batteries improve in quality/life/range/weight.
We will continue to see prices improve with scalability.
Frankly all this doomsday and apocalyptic talk and headlines is just noise.

Lately, many guys have been asking about matchmakers, so I am going to write a series of articles focusing on matchmakers - what they do and what to look for.
A Personal Process
The matchmaking process is an incredibly personal. A person who knows you introduces you to another person they know.
That part of it is simple and easy to understand. It was one of the primary ways people met. Often the matchmaker was an aunt or the wife of a minister or rabbi or maybe the school marm or post mistress in the American West. Usually, it was a woman who knew a lot of people in the community.
Of course, matchmakers still play an important role in most of the world, although it is not nearly as common in the US or Europe as it was even fifty years ago. This largely is a result of a general rise in the age of marriage and an explosion in the movement of people, because you need to really know two people before you match them. Sadly, today in the West nobody knows anyone, so matchmaking is not as common.
Professional Matchmakers
In fact, professional matchmakers were largely restricted to immigrant communities until about twenty years ago. In big American cities there were still a few women making a living as Italian, Greek, Japanese, Chinese, Polish, or Jewish matchmakers, but often these were very small businesses.
Something changed and I don't really know what but the industry grew out of those issues. It seems to have revived first in New York City with millionaire matchmakers charging exorbitant rates to match very wealthy men with beautiful younger women.
The problem was that these matchmakers usually did not know the men or the women, so they created a process based on traditional methods mixed with modern social science research. The process its self is important.
The Process
The matchmaking process is still very personal, but often feels more like a job interview. You work directly with a matchmaker for weeks. They ask an array of very personal questions in an attempt to determine exactly what they right type of woman for you is.
It is very detailed. Here is the form that AFA requires its matchmaking clients to fill out. Other services go into even more detail and some require sessions with a psychologist. For a lot of guys this is a turn-off because it feels too invasive.
Then the matchmaker selects the women for you to meet based on this research. Some of the matchmakers will not even tell you anything about the woman you are paying hundreds and possibly thousands of dollars to meet. Others allow a lot more input including looking at photos.
I understand the concerns about photos. Men are incredibly visual. They often look at a photo and "Fall in Love!" This gums up the meeting process, but if you get a guy in front of a woman - maybe a woman who is not his idea of drop dead gorgeous there might be enough real chemistry to spark a relationship.
Next the matchmaker selects the first date. Usually, the international matchmakers provide the drive, translator, and have already chosen the restaurant. They try very hard to make these first dates perfect.
Then the next day the client is de-briefed by the matchmaker. What happens next depends on this debriefing. Sometimes there is a second date with the woman and other times moving on to a different woman. Sometimes they have the unpleasant task of telling the man - who is the paying customer - that the woman is not interested in him. Then they will discuss what the man can do to improve his form and begin looking for the next match.
This process might continue for a set number of dates or time. It all depends. Generally, matchmakers have a pretty high success rate, especially for financially successful men with a really poor dating track record.
And one of the best thing about all matchmakers is that they are really trying very, very hard. They want to see you succeed. Even the worst want you to succeed as another notch on their broom, but the best will coach you, encourage you, educate with you, cry with you, and celebrate with you.
Factors To Consider When Selecting a Matchmaker

1. General Personality: You are going to spend a ton of time with the matchmaker and their staff. Do you like how they carry themselves and what you can tell of their ethics? What is their background and education? If you do not match well with them the process will be difficult.
2. Aggressiveness: Some matchmakers are VERY pushy. That is a regular issue for men. Be sure you like and respect your matchmaker before you spend any money, and that you are willing to listen to their advice. Otherwise you are simply wasting your time and money.
3. Transparency: How much do they charge and when do they tell you the price? Some matchmakers are notorious for not telling men their price until they know a ton about them and can therefore squeeze them for the maximum amount. This is one of the worse industry practices.
4. Price: The price of high end matchmaking can be more than $500k. That is at the very top of the US and European market. In international matchmaking there is at least one company that advertises a $100k package, although I bet they rarely sell them. In international matchmaking I would say the price usually runs from $5k for a simple package of a few dates in one city to about $20k for scores of dates in a variety of countries over a period of months. SHOP AROUND! Compare price and services.
5. Size Database: How many women do they actually have in their database? This is another issue full of lack of transparency. Often these agencies have very limited catalogs but can reach out to other matchmakers for a trade. This creates a slow complicated process. The more women they have in their database the simpler the process is and the higher chance of success.
6. Location: Where are the women located? This is usually self-evident but since the war in Ukraine it is more important than ever.
7. The Matchmaking Process: Ask them to explain EXACTLY what their process is? Who is involved and how are the women vetted? Ask if you will get to see the women's profiles and photos. I would be careful about ruling out a well regarded service over this issue, but you should know before you start.
8. Reviews: Read the reviews and try to talk to people who actually used them.
9. Beauty: No, not the matchmakers beauty - your potential matches beauty. If you are at least partially driven by beauty mention it and listen to the reaction. Every matchmaker wishes men were not so visual, but you can judge a lot by what they say about this question both good and bad.
10. Settling: A matchmaker should not start out expecting you to settle. You might need to work on yourself and maybe be more open to possibilities, but not to settling. You want a matchmaker who is as devoted to finding you the perfect match as your mom.

Reader Feedback
Have you used a matchmaker. If so, please, please write the name of the company. I have some questions I will DM you for use in future reviews.
Best Wishes!
​

Hello everyone,
This story may be slightly long and I apologise for that but I'll try give as much detail as possible in the hope of getting an answer, whilst also trying to ensure I don't reveal my identity to anyone who may be watching.
I have a brother who is physically disabled. This is apparent when you see him walk and when you talk to him. His speech is slightly distorted. We're visibly not white English (this matters as I believe the situation may have also been racially motivated).
He doesn't usually go out by himself - he's usually with friends or with myself and my other brother, but he decided he wanted to explore Manchester (we're from Yorkshire) by himself to escape his comfort zone. I also kind of slightly pressured him into it as I want him to be able to do things for himself as he's not very confident without someone he knows around him due to being self conscious. So I feel like shit that the following happened.
A couple weeks ago after staying the night there with a friend of his he went out to the city centre himself. He was walking around and actually starting to enjoy himself (near the Arndale centre) when he noticed this (what he describes as) huge guy talking to two kids who are just following him about - the guy and one of the kids have cameras.
Brother walks off just looking about and going into shops etc.
As he's leaving the Arndale, big man and the wonder twins pop out of nowhere, walk up to him and start asking him questions about politics and similar things. At no point does he antagonise, swear at or do anything to them other than be pleasant. And yes, these are his words, but I know him very well, he isn't the type to be rude to anyone (even if they deserve it).
The guy and kid with the camera are filming and he must've given an answer they didn't like because after he says he doesn't know much about stuff involving politics but says he'd vote for so and so, the other kid (not the camera) says something like, "well you would say that wouldn't you, your lot all do it". Brother asks what "his lot" are, and that same kid mimics the way he speaks whilst repeating the question back to him, before the big guy laughs and does the same before asking where he was born.
Now as I've said, brother's voice is distorted sounding but all of us were born in the UK and speak perfect English. So he tries to walk away and kid with camera joins in and follows him asking why he's running and if he's smart enough to answer before turning to big man and going, "I think he's fucking rtardd". Big man laughs and says something like he assumed that was the case from the way he spoke.
This upsets my brother and he tries to push away big man's camera which is in his face. At this point they're all surrounding him screaming and he's scared. After getting shoved, kid without camera shoves him before big guy kicks him hard in the upper leg area and shoves him to the ground before they all walked away laughing.
He ended up with a slightly cut hand and a bruised forearm but no permanent physical damage. He is however very depressed about it as he did nothing to provoke these people.
Does anyone know how this can happen in the middle of the day and no one does anything about it? The police didn't even arrest the guy or even seemed to be looking for him.
Also has anyone had any encounters with this guy and his little gang before? How can he get away with literally recording a crime? Any other info that might be useful in getting this guy arrested or otherwise held to account? He made my brother feel unsafe, didn't let him walk away and then attacked him when he made the very smallest action to protect himself.
Thank you :-)

Just wanted to point out to all of you out there that are suffering from anxiety, or any other kind of mental health condition, that you are a bunch of badasses.
Seriously though. You're all real life modern warriors. You create fortresses in your heads, with knights and tall walls, forever holding off the darkness. Like a beacon of light in neverending darkness. Perhaps it's a battle that will go on for the rest of your life, but that just makes you even more badass. You're not like everyone else, you're unique, you've got the battle scars to prove it. You've seen and been through things that few others have, or even could.
Here's the thing though. People that have struggled less with their mental health will never be able to understand or empathise. Don't let them fool you into thinking you're weak. You're the exact opposite of weak, you're an absolute badass. Imagine if they were put in your position, they would spiral and crash, and YOU are keeping it together, surviving. War is tiring, don't blame yourself if you don't have the energy to do what you want to do.
Even if there's nobody else in the world looking up to you, think of me, you have my respect, big time. You're my inspiration. And if there's me, there are definitely others out there that think the same.
So, keep fighting and holding off the darkness. Life is about the stories we tell, and yours is one of strength and courage.

• Author's Note: So! With Book #1 finishing at Issue #61 we now go into Book #2. The situation is changed for our protagonist and he's had it... decently rough, but always had people behind him for help. Wonder how his new position will affect him and his choices? We'll have to wait and see. Enjoy this little snippet to start us off with to the next leg of his journey! Also you can check character art of the Beast World characters or others on my Ko-Fi page! If you enjoy my art, I just opened comissions as well so hit me up if you want to get a piece!

Michael stepped through the dark woods at a slightly above leisure pace. The first rays of the dawn's light haven't yet penetrated the ironclad cover of the forest's canopy. Its thickness held together the shroud of darkness below, only small shreds of it peaking through rarely. Although he knew he walked a familiar path, the reduced visibility made the walk nearly alien, with a stumble here and a trip there, an uncertainty started to seep into Michael's chest even if he didn't know it.
'Alright. It is going to take a bit to get there, but I'll be making it in time. So... daeman. Based on what I know they are just basically pink demons. Ok, ok, ok... I've done this until now on a dime... I just... phew... just gotta do my character research. Yeah... just like theater. Literally it is just theatrics. So... what's a demon? Well if years of playing dnd thought me anything is that they are either feral, unhinged and nuts OR eerily calm, imposing, calculated and scheeming. I did both of those and a demon that can do both is even worse. Just gotta switch between those when it makes sense. Mhmm... so personality wise... basically gotta switch between one of those pointy eared muscle covered hounds and a chihuahua that can actually bite, not just bark.'
While the nervous human revised his 'role', he'd already start to adjust his body language. As if by instinct he'd lift his shoulders and roll them back, his spine popping as he straightened, shoulders relaxing and dropping at ease after that. This move would straighten his posture entirely and push out his ribcage and chest, something his mother drilled into his head over the years as being a confident, yet relaxed posture when done right. He'd straighten his head's posture, from the neck, which nearly made him look like it was positioned up from a downward perspective, requiring him to literally look down upon someone with his eyes. His hands were curled up nearing to fists, yet hung relaxed, as if to show an eager readiness for violence. As a last touch up instead of stepping quietly as he got used to over the years, he'd let his steps announce his presence, as one who's afraid of nothing would.
After traveling a bit over half of the treck towards the river and where the Rock Backs would be situated, there would be a clear sight of lights up ahead in the distance, clearly from torches. Michael would gaze at them with a bit of confusion, but regardless he kept on walking closer and openly. Slowly, three figures would be more visible, one of them turned showing as to either be themselves striped or have brown stripes painted on their back.
Only half a second of hesitation would pass as the human took in a deep breath and he then shouted out. "Ay! You three. You're with the Rock Backs, correct?" He'd say while showing quite the enthusiastic face despite his true feelings of nervousness.
As he had guessed, indeed the trio seemed to be Tuskir and the stripes confirmed their alegiance as expected. The figures turned to face him properly as he shouted in his approach. Once he got a bit closer, one of them that was a bit more upfront huffed a not so pleased snort at him.
"Aye. We were sent ahead to guide ya to our encampment, Daeman." He replied with a clear displeasure to his tone.
Another one of them stood silent as he just glared at Michael, while the third let out a guttural squeal and spat on the ground. "Well? What ya waitin' fer, hellspawn? Pick up the pace and keep yer paws where we can see 'em. Just cause ya struck a deal with Bruyza, it don't mean we gotta like ya."
"Dawww. Isn't this nice? We already seem to be getting along and on the same page. I've a feeling we'll be sharing stories soon while braidin' one another's hair, eh? You'd look good with twin tails." Michael said smirking while looking at the third Tuskir who haf a wilder mane and carried himself in a heavier looking armor than the other two.
The human continued his walk with the trio, but something didn't sit right with him. While they walked, two of the three had put out and discarded their torches. As they walked forward wordlessly, those same two boar men would also position themself to the sides and back of Michael, doing so nearly seemlessly, but not enough for the human not to notice.
While they advanced, Michael would peek at them with the corners of his eyes while also glancing forward at the only one who still had a light source. 'This doesn't feel right. I know for certain we were to meet at the same place as before... am I being paranoid? Alright... think. If they were afraid I'd not show up they'd wait until the time was up and then came to us... there's no reason for them to think I need escorts since I'm supposed to be a big scary strong thing. Eeeeh... why are these shmucks here then?"
Michael started taking into consideration multiple reasons that could be possible for his unexpected escort to be present, but none of them made sense. With his uneasiness building up, he'd sling his backpack off and hold it, quickly getting the attention of the two at the back.
"What do you think yer doin', hellspawn?" One of them asked while putting a hand on an axe hung by his belt.
"Hm? Oh, cut down on that paranoia. Makes you seem pathetic. This meat form I had to take to be here has needs. One of them happens to be water. If you've ever heard of somethin' like that, or... what? Do you milk rocks up in the mountains to sustain yourselves?" Michael would reply with a chuckle as he taunted his escort while starting to rustle objects in his backpack with his hand.
"You... hnngh-..." The Rock Back grunted and huffed as he muttered between clenched teeth.
Taking advantage of this momentary distraction, Michael would feel about and find one of his tiny Woh flask potions and he'd use his fingers to tuck it into the band of his bracer at the wrist, before grasping a hold of a small water skin and pulling it out. 'Heh. Well, I might not be a good slight of hand at pocker, but I didn't learn to hide pieces of paper in my sleeves for nothing. Stressful, but thanks to that I passed chemistry in highschool.' He'd think while smirking at the one of the escort he just antagonized, giving him a double eyebrow wiggle lift up as he took a sip of his water.
"You really like talkin' daeman, or you just like the sound o' your voice?" The armored one asked, who also happened to be the one with the torch at the front. He walked with his back turned at the human, not even trying to gaze back as he spoke.
"Eh. I find conversing with you meat sacks at least a bit intriguing. It is fun to hear what thoughts run through those narrow minds of yours. Why are you asking? Interested in actually entertaining me in conversation?" Michael would reply as he packed his waterskin once more and put his backpack back on.
"Thought ta meself it'd be crazy to converse with somethin' like ya, but then I realized, what da hell, when am I ta get another chance like this?" The Tuskir continued while slowing his pace, as if to let Michael approach to make their talk easier to get into.
The human naturally inched closer bit by bit as he simply walked, his smirk still on his expression. He'd keep vigilent of the two in the back while moving up in the small formation. "Indeed. Perhaps I'll be able to satisfy some of your curio-"
Before he could finish his sentence, the armored tuskir in front of him stopped dead in his tracks, turning with a decently large vial of liquid and herbs in his other hand and he'd splash Michael right in the face. Surprised by the sudden violent spill of liquid against his face, the human would close his eyes and bring his hands to his face to quickly wipe away the liquid. While blinded in this manner, his guard would be shattered as a brutal force would then slam into his right side, making Michael buckle as he got sent rolling in the opposite direction.
"HAHAHA! GOT 'IM GOOD, DIDN' I?!" exclaimed one of the two Tuskir from the back, who was armed with a club, right after he just bashed up the human.
Michael took a half second to realize he just got attacked, with the hand that had the vial hidden against its wrist pushup to his eyes to wipe them, he'd push himself up on the other wobbly like. He was afraid to try and open his eyes, unknowing what he got splashed with so instead he bit on the cork of his poison vial, opened it and stashed it in his cheek, as he dripped the solution on his tongue while wiping his eyes. "I- I can't see-..." he groaned loudly while trying to get his footing.
"Yeah. You got 'im good." The armored tuskir said while tossing the vial aside. "Better prepare yourself fer a sudden departure daeman. We'll make sure ta send ya back to the firey pit ya came from. Hope ya liked a lil' taste o' holy water. Keep ya well on your way back." He'd say while taking a handaxe off of his own belt.
"Hah ha ha... Sadly fer ya, not all o' us are keen on makin' deals with hell filth. Bruyza ain' gonn' be happy with ya missin' but is expected of daemen to be shifty scum, so yer missin' presence will be easy ta explain when we're all... surprised yer missin', he he he... ." The tuskir who Michael antagonized said while snorting and cackling, unsheathing his handaxe at the ready.
The three began closing in on Michael, their gate relaxed as they taunted him, their confidence in having the upperhand letting them ooze with a gloating energy. Michael instead had finally gathered himself, head tilted back as he held onto his face, having just finished the last few drips of the Woh vial.
"I can't see... how you furred fucks didn't think that'd just piss me off." He'd say as his trembling voice would change to one more confident. As he spoke he lowered his head at a way lower angle, pulling his hand down in the same motion to reveal a pair of bloodshot eyes, as well as a bloody dripping nose and a wide toothy grin, stained by his own crimson. The shadows on his face would make it seem like he bared his teeth from ear to ear, the expression of the pin point focused eyes, quickly darting to focus on each of the three attackers. Now, that put a stop to their enclosing movement, and this simple shift had changed their confident gloating to a dread filled uncertainty.

hi! After once again (unfortunately, never ending quest I guess) being plagued by the logistics and difference in family desires (please be mindful of my desire before reaching out) not matching or people not knowing what they want once again, I'm here (again) because I've been here trying to search for someone to vibe with and explore the possibility of a long term relationship for a good bit now because its been difficult to find someone that reaches out that correctly believes we both match in terms of what we'd both like long term (a relationship and family) or distance has been an logistic we haven't been able to break through in the big picture.
If you think we'd click and we do in fact want similar things in the same location together long term, I'd love for you to reach out if you feel that way by the end of reading through!
Unfortunately, since I have to actually add this, please read my entire post if you're interested before reaching out. I cannot take another person reaching out that does not read everything and finds something they do not want to do (such as relocating), it wastes both of our time and nobody wins. This is far too common on here, and it's extremely confusing.
Anyways, like everyone else on the internet, I'm a 6'1 hispanic dude (pictured here: https://imgur.com/IIy7Hqe - hi, hello!) that's doing pretty good in life! I have an awesome wfh job in a field I enjoy (and had to switch into, heh) that's got things all neatly organized in a little row (home I get to enjoy in the greatest city in the world, nerdy interests and all I need within a walk of where I live), but I'm just missing that one awesome partner I vibe with to share it with!
I turn to here because I've had amazing success in the past, but for logistical reasons (or differences in vision), the lovely people I've experienced romantic relationships with on here ended through nothing other than dating is hard, especially when distance is involved (as it was in all 3 instances). I'm sure everyone can relate to that! I'd love to find someone I can click with, that has an equal attraction to me, that has time to talk to me (voice/video preferred, but happy to type away plenty, we do have lives after all) like we care about each other's time :)
I'll share a bit about myself!
I love all the nerdy stuff like board/video games, on a bit of a nostalgia streak with games I've been totally watching lately and would love to find a game to start brand new with someone (as world of warcraft is nice, but not something I'd recommend to someone new to mmo's!)
I have oddball interests such as a love for asmr videos that focus on roleplay to create that sensation and I'd love to share that with you (and my love for giving massages because of it)
I have been trying to teach myself how to be response with what I have so things last longer, and I'd love to learn from someone just as much as I have a lot to give to you in terms of experience!
I just enjoy talking a lot. I can be very caring, so its important for me to make sure you're doing okay in times like today, so I'll be there for you!
I'm looking for someone who:
Wants a long term, monogamous relationship. I do poorly with sharing, simple as that.
is open to relocation if not in NYC. I can't take my home with me, would love to share my extra space and rooms with you!
Actually has time to spend to get to know someone. I know dating sucks, but I can't wrap my head around how common it is that people think a relationship can develop if you're just never there to get to know. My brain can't wrap that around my head, and I want to find someone who actually wants to be serious about this.
Is open to a biological family one day. I grew up in a loving household, and I want to continue to create that in my future with someone amazing!
If you think we'd click, give me a reach! I feel like the last year has gone so slow because of my search, and I would love more than anything to find someone to get us both out of the adventures that is OLD.
I'm hoping to hear from you soon, tell me something you're proud of so we can talk all about it!

So basically, he came to the school from across the state halfway through the year. We got along really really well and talked all the time as he got acclimated to the school (I had a very awkward introduction because the introduction did not happen naturally but I saw him and went.. we'll get along great.) And whenever we had to choose partners for big projects we went for eachother and he even said he felt the same when I told him, 'I feel like your the only one here who would wanna spend time with me'. (We first got partnered up with some big math project and he spent the entire time trying to flex how good he was at it, he was cute and very obviously nervous, but he was really good at math.) He also basically laughed at everything I said, more than I've seen him do with any of his friends now ever. Half way through that particular project, eh got really mad at me and annoyed at everything and avoided me as much as possible (I am absolutely awful at figuring out why people are upset, probably autistic honestly, so I figured it was my fault. I asked him what I could do to make him not upset because I didn't want him to be unhappy, and he just said 'nothing' and turned it into some weird 'dominance' thing which is totally out of character for him. (again, never seen him act that way again from the rest of this year. He is a bit of an outcast and kids make fun of him behind his back. I've seen him run from a few fights/kids trying to beat him up, admirable. he had this little motto that he kept saying after I told him it was very true which was, "Save your face, not your dignity" Whenever kids tried to fight.) I also may have been a little hostile with him because of this too (I didn't have a crush on him at this time and before.) And expressed some annoyance at having to work with him while he was so grumpy. After that, we talked rarely, and he even started making a few snide remarks (Just like, childish rude, not anything that was that bad) I did get seated next to him, ma have been when this crush started, and he would always try to avoid talking to me and leave his desk any chance, but he did always talk to the other girl he was next to, I'll call her M. Now, I see him trying to talk to M all the time and trying to impress her in a similar way (admittedly, he's half-assing it. As much as I think he doesn't like me back, I have to admit his trying to impress me and laughing at my every word for a while has not been matched so far.) She will like, half pay attention to him. There's also this other girl that he always steals her stuff jokingly like standard dumb teenager flirting, but that girl I do believe likes girls anyway. They started growing a bit closer and started doing projects together, but like I've said multiple times, doesn't have the same enthusiasm exactly. I stare at him, and it's very often that we'll meet eyes, but I'm no pussy so I just stare back. If I see him looking at me, he'll nervously look away, unlike if he sees me looking at him. Now I jest stalk his very far few between social media (mostly spotify, his songs are very.. him. He actually made me like Green day, Blink 182, and My chemical Romance. (He would always rant to me very proudly about what bands he listens to, and I think he accidently made a public playlist.) And a lot of the songs are about being nervous when you like someone, and he doesn't seem nervous like he was around me, and still is, but now it smore avoidant nervous. All that ranting, but basically, what the fuck do I do please help I am socially impaired LMAO. (Mini rant he was crying today and his own FRIENDS didn't comfort him, nor did M or the other girl, even though they were right next to him they just ignored his crying and me and this one other boy (the only one of his friends that showed any concern) were the only ones there for him, but he rejects every effort I make to talk to him.. still. He's just like me, and started crying because some other student were accusing him of calling some girl something ableist, even though he didn't. I would do the exact same thing, we're both emotional as hell in every sense. His tears are the most crushing thing, though.)

Not really sure why I'm asking Reddit cos I don't usually get any replies, but whatever, I can at least vent to myself if not.
I (23M) started dating a girl (19F) in April of 2023. We had a really close connection at work, and I was in a failing relationship that I was scared of leaving due to having nowhere to live. I managed to sort things out and left the girl I was with (and unhappy for the last 6 months due to financial abuse) and stayed with family. She was perfect, I mean I could go on, but basically I saw her as my soul mate. I never said that in any of my other relationships, and so it held a lot of meaning to me.
She eventually went to uni about 120 miles from me, which is quite far for the UK I suppose. It made it hard to see her. That was in September. The distance killed us, and she broke up with me in October briefly, and then got back with her about a week later. We talked through a lot of stuff, and stayed with her until about mid January 2024. I ended up saying some bad things, but she also wouldn't sympathise with me anymore, so she broke up with me again. I had a pretty rough time, but I tried to force myself to get over it by talking to other people to get my mind off of it. I didn't sleep with anyone but I loved the attention, because I was missing that.
I realised around March that I had left my spare key at her parents place, and I knew she would be down for Easter. So I contacted her and said would I be able to pick them up. She agreed, but only if she could speak to me briefly.
So I picked her up and we talked about a lot of stuff, how the relationship failed and what we should have done to make it work. And weirdly, she apologised for everything, however still pretty much blamed it on me. She agreed to me that we should talk again, after I kissed her and confessed I still loved her, and that if it worked through the 7 weeks she would have at uni away, that we could become official again, as she did also love me still. She was down for 4 weeks before she went away again, and I wanted to try as hard as I can.
As her income is awful being a uni student, I paid for all the dates, and I took her out as much as I could between work and a couple of days out and a holiday I had that month. My logic was that if I spend as much money as I possibly could, she would be happy. Which thinking back on it, is a stupid idea, but hey, if it didn't work, then my life still felt like it was over anyway. We had an amazing time, however the arguments we used to have daily were still happening. When it was good, it was really good, but when it was bad, it was really bad.
She wouldn't take blame for anything, always stated I was a victim in every situation. I never raised my voice once at her, I wanted to talk things through and she would rather leave it and forget about it than for me to try and fix the issue so it wouldn't happen again. Just before she went back to uni, which was about a week or 2 ago, we had a big argument. I ended up having a panic attack for about 30 mins and was told to leave the room to calm down, whilst still having a panic attack. By the time I got back into the room, she had fallen asleep. I tried to talk to her, but she kept shouting and shouting, and when she shouts, I get all quiet.
Anyways, I knew it would end from there, and I just felt so shit. I spent £500 in one month on her, and I did spend money on myself for once when I was on holiday. So I ran my bank account completely dry trying to salvage it. She rang me and kept shouting, saying it wouldn't work, but that she loves me, and also would refuse to break up with me because she didn't want to see me hurt. I think in the end, she manipulated me into breaking up with her, which I did. We broke up saying I love you to each other. A part of me knew that when we started speaking again, that it would never work, that I was clinging onto some sort of dream. And that's why maybe what happened following that break up happened.
I ended up talking to a friend of mine, who had also gone through a break up, and we ended up hooking up for a night. I had NEVER done this before, like hookups are completely new to me, and I mean, it was okay. It felt strange cos I had no interest in wanting to date her, and not trying to be rude about it, but I dropped my standards completely with her just to have some sort of affection. I'm now on dating apps just trying to crave attention and affection (which is going horribly) because I'm terrified of being alone. I haven't been single in about 3 years or so, and I can't really function without people around. I get waves of extreme happiness, followed by extreme depression. The happiness is when I'm around people, and the depression is when I'm alone, such as right now.
I'm really confused on what I'm doing. I just feel empty. Or broken. Or lost. I have no idea what to do with myself. Part of me wants to just stop living, and the other part of me wants to move on from everything. I feel guilty when I talk to other people, and I know it's obviously very soon to move on from a relationship, well, a week. But I don't think I ever will, I think I'm just trying to force my way to doing that so I can forget about her quicker. I'm glad that I met her because I wouldn't be where I am today without her and she helped mould my career path, but I wish I never did because it would be so much easier.
If someone understands whatever I'm going on about, I'd appreciate it. I'm just lost, I don't really hang with my friends a lot as they are all working usually, and I have nobody to talk to about it.