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Linguistics Humor
2012.12.29 21:30 Linguistics Humor
Linguistics Humor: a sub for humor relating to linguistics
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What is this, a _________ for Ants?? Reddit's Preeminent Subreddit for All Things Tiny and Miniature! (Not about literal ants)
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2024.05.15 19:23 typicalspicycouple Will I be broken forever, does love like this ever fade?
Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.
submitted by typicalspicycouple to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.
2024.05.15 19:23 milkyteakid- Had to hide in the bathroom crying because today was just a shit day
Today started off to a bad start because I woke up late for work. I’m usually only off Wednesdays, but this week I was asked to take yesterday off instead and like a fucking idiot I forgot to change my alarms, so of course my alarm goes off at 9 instead of 7:30. I jolt out of bed like oh fuck work starts in less than half an hour. By the time I got dressed and brushed my teeth it was 5-10 past 9 and it’s usually an hour+ drive if I get stuck in traffic. I didn’t know who to ring because the main manager had swapped days with me and was off, and I had no other managers number so I rang my coworker. She was also running late so I asked her to pass on the message I’d be late too. Turns out the manager was ALSO not going to be in on time. I managed to get there first thankfully despite being farthest away (was really worried the distance would make me the last one in) and I was there 15 minutes after opening. I don’t have keys to open but luckily some other coworkers on a different floor opened up and covered until I got there and between the two of us we covered the shop. My coworker that was late got in before the boss thankfully. Got myself sorted. Got on track of the morning routine and was working away fine. The two managers ended up coming in and throughout the day kept telling me that I needed to do xyz and I’m doing things wrong and there was stuff that needed to be done yesterday (when I wasn’t even in and they didn’t do any of my jobs except serve customers yesterday so I already had a back pile of work). I just nodded and agreed and said I’d get them done asap, because I know it’s my job. Out of nowhere the manager comes down and starts giving me crap for items that haven’t been collected by customers, even though I’ve rang them multiple times and either they told me they’re coming for them or keep ignoring me multiple calls. I tried to tell her that I’d been doing this but she wasn’t listening and told me to ring every single person. I already had like 10+ jobs to do that I’d already half started because they kept adding shit on so I just added that to my mental checklist for later down the line.
5 minutes later, while I’m already in a tizzy over all the shit that’s being thrown at me left right and centre the boss comes down and goes “what did you do this morning.” They sometimes phrase questions in this vague way to criticise my work or if I’ve done something wrong so all I could get out was “what did I do wrong.” She tells me I was late. So I was like “oh yes, I’m so sorry I misunderstood your question. I’m so sorry I was late. It was my fault Wednesday is usually my day off and I forgot to switch the days on my alarm. Completely my fault and i’m so sorry it won’t happen again.” She stared at me like I was a cretin for a second before going “are you six? Well no, because even a six year old can get out of bed. Functioning adults can get up out of bed and get to work on time. I swear to god you’re worse than a child. Anyone else could get in to work for 9:30. I can’t fathom how a grown adult is having such a hard time- just get out of the damn bed. I’m giving you a written warning. There won’t be any more warnings if this happens again that’s it.”
I think if I hadn’t already been in a panic over all the other shit being thrown at me every two minutes I might have taken it a bit better but then again I probably still would have ended up in the bathroom having a panic attack regardless. I couldn’t fucking breathe because all I could think was ohmygod ohmygod i’m gonna lose my job.
The day continued on with everything I was doing not being right or done fast enough or I should be doing this instead of that when I have a million jobs to do. We also did not get to eat during our 8 hour shift since we were late, and I had skipped breakfast to make it in quicker. I kept making mistakes and getting confused and felt like everything I was doing was wrong.
I understand they have to discipline us, but the words written here don’t even convey how nastily I was spoken to. I was spoken to like a parent who hates their child speaks to their kid. I was spoken to like I was too thick to understand what she was saying so she had to resort to calling me an incompetent child.
I know these conversations need to be had but I hate how it’s always a direct target on who you are. I’m being naive but why can’t it ever be “look you fucked up, but these things happen, try not to let it happen again.” And if it’s reoccurring maybe fuckin ASK if there’s something causing problems leading to lateness and try to understand where they’re coming from rather than just assuming they’re lazy and incompetent.
The thing is that the other boss is usually very chill and will call you out if needs be but in a respectful and clear way. This lady is older though and believes everyone young that makes a mistake Is lazy and incompetent. The even bigger kicker is that not only did my other coworker get a written warning and the ear bit off her, but other members of staff have been late many times and nothing has been said to them. It’s a family owned business and the family are all technically “managers” but they are allowed to walk in 20 minutes or two hours late and leave 3 hours early and it’s fine. I know they own the shop so it’s different but I hate that they don’t lead by example. What frustrates me even more is we have to open 9:30 on the dot, but there’s no respect given to closing times. Nothing about all the times we arrived 20 minutes before opening and stayed back 40 minutes late.
I love this job so much despite the hiccups with this one manager but by god today made me want to curl into a ball and die. Just wanted to vent bc even though it was my own fault I feel like the targeting for a full day just pushed me over the edge. Thanks to anyone who read my lil rant. Hoping for a good day tomorrow but doubtful because my nice coworker is off :(
submitted by milkyteakid- to retailhell [link] [comments]
5 minutes later, while I’m already in a tizzy over all the shit that’s being thrown at me left right and centre the boss comes down and goes “what did you do this morning.” They sometimes phrase questions in this vague way to criticise my work or if I’ve done something wrong so all I could get out was “what did I do wrong.” She tells me I was late. So I was like “oh yes, I’m so sorry I misunderstood your question. I’m so sorry I was late. It was my fault Wednesday is usually my day off and I forgot to switch the days on my alarm. Completely my fault and i’m so sorry it won’t happen again.” She stared at me like I was a cretin for a second before going “are you six? Well no, because even a six year old can get out of bed. Functioning adults can get up out of bed and get to work on time. I swear to god you’re worse than a child. Anyone else could get in to work for 9:30. I can’t fathom how a grown adult is having such a hard time- just get out of the damn bed. I’m giving you a written warning. There won’t be any more warnings if this happens again that’s it.”
I think if I hadn’t already been in a panic over all the other shit being thrown at me every two minutes I might have taken it a bit better but then again I probably still would have ended up in the bathroom having a panic attack regardless. I couldn’t fucking breathe because all I could think was ohmygod ohmygod i’m gonna lose my job.
The day continued on with everything I was doing not being right or done fast enough or I should be doing this instead of that when I have a million jobs to do. We also did not get to eat during our 8 hour shift since we were late, and I had skipped breakfast to make it in quicker. I kept making mistakes and getting confused and felt like everything I was doing was wrong.
I understand they have to discipline us, but the words written here don’t even convey how nastily I was spoken to. I was spoken to like a parent who hates their child speaks to their kid. I was spoken to like I was too thick to understand what she was saying so she had to resort to calling me an incompetent child.
I know these conversations need to be had but I hate how it’s always a direct target on who you are. I’m being naive but why can’t it ever be “look you fucked up, but these things happen, try not to let it happen again.” And if it’s reoccurring maybe fuckin ASK if there’s something causing problems leading to lateness and try to understand where they’re coming from rather than just assuming they’re lazy and incompetent.
The thing is that the other boss is usually very chill and will call you out if needs be but in a respectful and clear way. This lady is older though and believes everyone young that makes a mistake Is lazy and incompetent. The even bigger kicker is that not only did my other coworker get a written warning and the ear bit off her, but other members of staff have been late many times and nothing has been said to them. It’s a family owned business and the family are all technically “managers” but they are allowed to walk in 20 minutes or two hours late and leave 3 hours early and it’s fine. I know they own the shop so it’s different but I hate that they don’t lead by example. What frustrates me even more is we have to open 9:30 on the dot, but there’s no respect given to closing times. Nothing about all the times we arrived 20 minutes before opening and stayed back 40 minutes late.
I love this job so much despite the hiccups with this one manager but by god today made me want to curl into a ball and die. Just wanted to vent bc even though it was my own fault I feel like the targeting for a full day just pushed me over the edge. Thanks to anyone who read my lil rant. Hoping for a good day tomorrow but doubtful because my nice coworker is off :(
2024.05.15 19:23 QueenofGames Help with gatekeeping +blending
Hey all,
So I've recently been made aware that I am not only the host, but a gatekeeper as well. Not in the sense that I can control who fronts (for the most part... I can trigger people out briefly via music selection!) but in the sense that I am usually at least mildly co-conscious and dictate alters' behaviour to others, in a way that I've realized makes me a bit of an asshole.
Our teen, Satsuma, left a tweet saying that all she wants is for someone to say her name, say hello to her, not Emily as an individual or in reference to the system. Alister also has to be pretty much forced to not announce himself, he loves people. But I get self conscious and anxious any time my close friends or partner clock a switch in consciousness or behaviour. Because I'm the member with the denial, I've tried to force everyone out of the body or brain at one point (very bad decision, they only made themselves more prominent, I'm aware it was a bad thing to do for everyone), it scares me that my body is not solely mine and I have so many other "fragments" of myself.
But it hurts me to know I'm hurting them. As a host, much like a restaurant host, you wanna make sure they're safe and happy, right? How can I let them communicate so they're happy, but not make myself unhappy either?
Also how am I even supposed to let them communicate when half the time, it's impossible to even tell if it's me in a mood, or one of them? It feels like we're all a blur, we share typing quirks and everything sometimes and we have a lot of impersonation of me.
submitted by QueenofGames to DID [link] [comments]
So I've recently been made aware that I am not only the host, but a gatekeeper as well. Not in the sense that I can control who fronts (for the most part... I can trigger people out briefly via music selection!) but in the sense that I am usually at least mildly co-conscious and dictate alters' behaviour to others, in a way that I've realized makes me a bit of an asshole.
Our teen, Satsuma, left a tweet saying that all she wants is for someone to say her name, say hello to her, not Emily as an individual or in reference to the system. Alister also has to be pretty much forced to not announce himself, he loves people. But I get self conscious and anxious any time my close friends or partner clock a switch in consciousness or behaviour. Because I'm the member with the denial, I've tried to force everyone out of the body or brain at one point (very bad decision, they only made themselves more prominent, I'm aware it was a bad thing to do for everyone), it scares me that my body is not solely mine and I have so many other "fragments" of myself.
But it hurts me to know I'm hurting them. As a host, much like a restaurant host, you wanna make sure they're safe and happy, right? How can I let them communicate so they're happy, but not make myself unhappy either?
Also how am I even supposed to let them communicate when half the time, it's impossible to even tell if it's me in a mood, or one of them? It feels like we're all a blur, we share typing quirks and everything sometimes and we have a lot of impersonation of me.
2024.05.15 19:23 prettywhenicryfr heres some more info regarding my last post to jus give yall the whole picture 🤞🤞
so basically i started losing weight in 2021
131lbs and 4'11 / i never grew
while doing that i had this covid side-effect thing called parosmia which means my taste buds are messed up and lots of foods have a foul smell and/or taste
and i tried out diff foods and found out i could only eat cheese pizzas, chocolate sweets, pesto pasta, mac n cheese, and frozen vegan food
so this parosmia thing was basically my "diet" since it made to eat less because of my lack of appetite from eating the same thing over and over and over again
i was always dizzy, throwing up, gad constant headaches, i fainted randomly, my eyes would go blind when i stood up, all that since i didn't get the proper nutrients and it was awful
i was also walking 40 minutes everyday (not so consistent) and this went from july 2021 to march 2022
i lost 30lbs
but eventually i lost the parosmia and at the same time i went thru sum stuff and got depressed and gained all the weight back
october 2023 i lost 10lbs from doing 1 hour dancing everyday for a month while eating less and cutting of sugar which de-bloated my face frfr
i gave up
april i started exercising again doing 50mins a day w a 200cal deficit (i'm in online class so i barely move or anything) and i have been doing allat everyday for a month now
i'm now at 119lbs and only lost 1 pound this whole month...
help
(ik im at a "healthy weight" but i felt way more confident in my 100lbs body than the one i have now. i've always had social anxiety and losing weight gave me more confidence. that's gone now obviously... i just want to lose weight in a healthy way ofc 🤞 i'm at 24 on the bmi scale and i wanna be around the 19 area help me pls🙏🫶)
submitted by prettywhenicryfr to WeightLossAdvice [link] [comments]
131lbs and 4'11 / i never grew
while doing that i had this covid side-effect thing called parosmia which means my taste buds are messed up and lots of foods have a foul smell and/or taste
and i tried out diff foods and found out i could only eat cheese pizzas, chocolate sweets, pesto pasta, mac n cheese, and frozen vegan food
so this parosmia thing was basically my "diet" since it made to eat less because of my lack of appetite from eating the same thing over and over and over again
i was always dizzy, throwing up, gad constant headaches, i fainted randomly, my eyes would go blind when i stood up, all that since i didn't get the proper nutrients and it was awful
i was also walking 40 minutes everyday (not so consistent) and this went from july 2021 to march 2022
i lost 30lbs
but eventually i lost the parosmia and at the same time i went thru sum stuff and got depressed and gained all the weight back
october 2023 i lost 10lbs from doing 1 hour dancing everyday for a month while eating less and cutting of sugar which de-bloated my face frfr
i gave up
april i started exercising again doing 50mins a day w a 200cal deficit (i'm in online class so i barely move or anything) and i have been doing allat everyday for a month now
i'm now at 119lbs and only lost 1 pound this whole month...
help
(ik im at a "healthy weight" but i felt way more confident in my 100lbs body than the one i have now. i've always had social anxiety and losing weight gave me more confidence. that's gone now obviously... i just want to lose weight in a healthy way ofc 🤞 i'm at 24 on the bmi scale and i wanna be around the 19 area help me pls🙏🫶)
2024.05.15 19:22 Sir_smokes_a_lot N-Mom and GC's toxic girlfriend
I have been low contact with both my N-Mom and GC brother for a while now. I noticed every time i see them often they end up mistreating my and my gf in some way. Fast forward to last year and my GC brother found himself in an incredibly toxic relationship with "May". Now my brother has always been an asshole but he has never been violent or done as much drugs as he has in the last year. Every so often he appears with fresh bruises on his face and often has the cops called to his house for domestic disputes.
I have tried talking to him about the path he is heading down but he refuses to acknowledge how bad the situation is and instead plays it off as if it's normal couple disagreements. My dad, my other siblings, and myself have staged interventions to help him out. This is where my N-Mom comes into play. My mom and brother are the closest to each other. Throughout life she has babied him regardless of his behavior. I would get punished a lot worse than him for the same things, and a lot of the times i would get punished for the things he did.
N-Mom goes as far as spending time with May in various ways (eating out, shopping, events, etc). I met with N-Mom earlier this week to talk about my concern for my brother. She starts by downplaying the situation and saying they are not that bad. I bring up examples on how she has been arrested for trying to stab him with a knife. Her response is "well what did he do to her?". I tell her it doesn't matter, they both need serious help and it starts with him separating from a bad influence. N-Mom finally admits that the behavior isn't normal and that there is nothing she can do about it.
I tell her, for one, she can stop spending time with May since that is practically accepting her behavior and inviting her into our family. Her response is "i cannot do that, she is your brothers gf, we have to support his relationship". I explain to her why thats horrible logic and thats when her true narcissism comes out. She responds with "I am not going to lose your brother the way i lost you. You never see me or visit me. I gave you everything growing up. I loved you, I cared for you, I made sure you had everything you needed. And now you ignore me like im not worth trash." During this she was bawling her eyes out talking about how ungrateful I've been to her.
I've learned to not take her manipulation seriously and almost chuckled a few times over the dramatics. I told her if she was a better mother i would come by more often. Her masked dropped and the tears stopped. She responds with, "is that really what you think?.. oh well." She proceeded to talk shit about my relationship and how my spouse of almost 10 years is equally as toxic as May. My spouse has been an amazing partner, never once have we gotten physical or even said things we would regret. She is the one that helped me recognize the difference in treatment in my family to begin with.
The rest of the conversation was making mean jokes about the situation and talking shit about other friends and family members. I picked up a habit of being mean spirited from her so it came natural to me. I feel dumb for having hopes she would be willing to help my brother. This is a situation where being the GC hurts the person more than it helps. Our N-Mom would rather see him get hurt than have him not talk to her. It is crazy stuff.
submitted by Sir_smokes_a_lot to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I have tried talking to him about the path he is heading down but he refuses to acknowledge how bad the situation is and instead plays it off as if it's normal couple disagreements. My dad, my other siblings, and myself have staged interventions to help him out. This is where my N-Mom comes into play. My mom and brother are the closest to each other. Throughout life she has babied him regardless of his behavior. I would get punished a lot worse than him for the same things, and a lot of the times i would get punished for the things he did.
N-Mom goes as far as spending time with May in various ways (eating out, shopping, events, etc). I met with N-Mom earlier this week to talk about my concern for my brother. She starts by downplaying the situation and saying they are not that bad. I bring up examples on how she has been arrested for trying to stab him with a knife. Her response is "well what did he do to her?". I tell her it doesn't matter, they both need serious help and it starts with him separating from a bad influence. N-Mom finally admits that the behavior isn't normal and that there is nothing she can do about it.
I tell her, for one, she can stop spending time with May since that is practically accepting her behavior and inviting her into our family. Her response is "i cannot do that, she is your brothers gf, we have to support his relationship". I explain to her why thats horrible logic and thats when her true narcissism comes out. She responds with "I am not going to lose your brother the way i lost you. You never see me or visit me. I gave you everything growing up. I loved you, I cared for you, I made sure you had everything you needed. And now you ignore me like im not worth trash." During this she was bawling her eyes out talking about how ungrateful I've been to her.
I've learned to not take her manipulation seriously and almost chuckled a few times over the dramatics. I told her if she was a better mother i would come by more often. Her masked dropped and the tears stopped. She responds with, "is that really what you think?.. oh well." She proceeded to talk shit about my relationship and how my spouse of almost 10 years is equally as toxic as May. My spouse has been an amazing partner, never once have we gotten physical or even said things we would regret. She is the one that helped me recognize the difference in treatment in my family to begin with.
The rest of the conversation was making mean jokes about the situation and talking shit about other friends and family members. I picked up a habit of being mean spirited from her so it came natural to me. I feel dumb for having hopes she would be willing to help my brother. This is a situation where being the GC hurts the person more than it helps. Our N-Mom would rather see him get hurt than have him not talk to her. It is crazy stuff.
2024.05.15 19:22 Careful_Pickle_9377 PoE2 Suggestions from an old school arpg vet
Hey Jonathan,
Great work on Poe2. Super hyped to see it. These are some suggestions I had for a fellow content creator I hoped they passed on but I don't believe they did. Subjective as most things in life, but a like minded person will get it. I have a million more things to add, but here's a brief list:
Better sound Fx for elemental spells. D3 and D4 failed at this. They need to be created sounds, not the actual sound. For example: the score of Diablo 1s lightning is quite unique. Diablo 2s frozen orb and blizzard don’t sound anything like the actual element but are iconic while not creating ear strain on repetition.
Town music and hideout music. Overall great scores. However, on the samples at Poecon, they sounded a bit generic. They need to add unique color and flavor. Everyone remembers the Tristram theme for a reason. It’s simple: Use unique string and wind instruments and unique mysterious combinations. I’d suggest someone dynamic like Brandon Acker (youtube) and give him a mood to create then add to the existing track.
Limited linear pathing. One place Diablo 4 epically failed was pathing. The world is a giant Swiss cheese. Look at the mini map in D3. Sooooo much unplayable space. The total walkable area is less than Act 1 of D2. PoE1 was fine with this overall….but they still had a bit too much linear pathing. Imagine a PoE map designed like the overworld of D4 and it will make sense why this is bad game design.
Instanced boss battles. This will be highly controversial, but I think trapping players in a small room (started in d3) without an ability to escape is a bad idea. Imagine Baals throne room was the size of azmodans or belials. Same for mephisto. Same for Diablo. Imagine the chaos sanctuary was just the pentagram. Super lame. Some is fine but for every boss…bad design. In D2 you could always escape and Tp out. Some is fine but an all arena approach is a narrow approach. Consider evolving boss fight environments like multiple level terrain, interact with objects to slow the boss, a pit you can jump into, a sunlight room to pull a vamp boss into to burn, etc. Take a page from all boss battles you guys love from other video games add genres.
Trading: Trading should be mostly automatic so even if you’re offline ppl can purchase your goods. I suggest having a dedicated vendor in your hideout where you list items for sale with gold publicly where players can go to any main town and search for items. Once they find one, they can either port to the sellers hideout vendor or just purchase on the spot. Currency for the seller would be kept at the same merchant to withdrawal. This opens ggg to sell merchant tabs and customization which would help with initial profits of the game.
If at all possible, integrate an in game wiki. So if there’s a skill or item with a special power, it opens a Book looking page in game which describes the ability and possibly has an animation showing the effect. PoE1 was far too much alt tabbing. Now, PoB will likely never be implement in game, which would be ideal, but PoE1 was waaaayyyyyy too much alt tabbing. I think this would very much add to player immersion.
Also, if they are actually doing cinematics this go around, they should take a dark and sinister page from this book for inspiration: most ppl haven’t seen this one before but I think it’s the best: It’s why D3 and D4 missed. Mysterious. Dark. Sinister with hints of good vs evil. Have a blast! Badge of honor, you’re now one of the boys!
Diablo 2 Trailer most haven't seen. Best way for me to describe what made D2/D1 Goats and D3/D4 forgettable.
https://youtu.be/FLSNmKpCw6I?si=gq_A4xwjDorgzrQv
submitted by Careful_Pickle_9377 to PathOfExile2 [link] [comments]
Great work on Poe2. Super hyped to see it. These are some suggestions I had for a fellow content creator I hoped they passed on but I don't believe they did. Subjective as most things in life, but a like minded person will get it. I have a million more things to add, but here's a brief list:
Better sound Fx for elemental spells. D3 and D4 failed at this. They need to be created sounds, not the actual sound. For example: the score of Diablo 1s lightning is quite unique. Diablo 2s frozen orb and blizzard don’t sound anything like the actual element but are iconic while not creating ear strain on repetition.
Town music and hideout music. Overall great scores. However, on the samples at Poecon, they sounded a bit generic. They need to add unique color and flavor. Everyone remembers the Tristram theme for a reason. It’s simple: Use unique string and wind instruments and unique mysterious combinations. I’d suggest someone dynamic like Brandon Acker (youtube) and give him a mood to create then add to the existing track.
Limited linear pathing. One place Diablo 4 epically failed was pathing. The world is a giant Swiss cheese. Look at the mini map in D3. Sooooo much unplayable space. The total walkable area is less than Act 1 of D2. PoE1 was fine with this overall….but they still had a bit too much linear pathing. Imagine a PoE map designed like the overworld of D4 and it will make sense why this is bad game design.
Instanced boss battles. This will be highly controversial, but I think trapping players in a small room (started in d3) without an ability to escape is a bad idea. Imagine Baals throne room was the size of azmodans or belials. Same for mephisto. Same for Diablo. Imagine the chaos sanctuary was just the pentagram. Super lame. Some is fine but for every boss…bad design. In D2 you could always escape and Tp out. Some is fine but an all arena approach is a narrow approach. Consider evolving boss fight environments like multiple level terrain, interact with objects to slow the boss, a pit you can jump into, a sunlight room to pull a vamp boss into to burn, etc. Take a page from all boss battles you guys love from other video games add genres.
Trading: Trading should be mostly automatic so even if you’re offline ppl can purchase your goods. I suggest having a dedicated vendor in your hideout where you list items for sale with gold publicly where players can go to any main town and search for items. Once they find one, they can either port to the sellers hideout vendor or just purchase on the spot. Currency for the seller would be kept at the same merchant to withdrawal. This opens ggg to sell merchant tabs and customization which would help with initial profits of the game.
If at all possible, integrate an in game wiki. So if there’s a skill or item with a special power, it opens a Book looking page in game which describes the ability and possibly has an animation showing the effect. PoE1 was far too much alt tabbing. Now, PoB will likely never be implement in game, which would be ideal, but PoE1 was waaaayyyyyy too much alt tabbing. I think this would very much add to player immersion.
Also, if they are actually doing cinematics this go around, they should take a dark and sinister page from this book for inspiration: most ppl haven’t seen this one before but I think it’s the best: It’s why D3 and D4 missed. Mysterious. Dark. Sinister with hints of good vs evil. Have a blast! Badge of honor, you’re now one of the boys!
Diablo 2 Trailer most haven't seen. Best way for me to describe what made D2/D1 Goats and D3/D4 forgettable.
https://youtu.be/FLSNmKpCw6I?si=gq_A4xwjDorgzrQv
2024.05.15 19:21 typicalspicycouple Will I be broken forever, does love like this ever fade?
Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.
submitted by typicalspicycouple to nocontact [link] [comments]
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.
2024.05.15 19:21 SwimComprehensive184 Injury during 2nd year of music degree
(Reposted from myself in uniUK)
So I’m a 2nd year music student and I’ve dealt with a compressed nerve in my neck for 8 months (since before the start of the academic year) and it’s made the entire year utter hell and the injury keeps getting worse. It’s made my hands extremely weak and numb and painful, which makes playing flute and sax for my degree really hard. So I do some performance modules and they’ve been significantly impacted, but I kept them going because I thought I’d get better (and I was doing a lot better for a couple months before it got much worse again). It’s so depressing seeing everyone around me achieve great things while I can’t play much anymore. I got good spaces in the uni’s orchestras but I had to drop out of those. Luckily I do have non-performance modules (worth about 60% of the degree) but that’s made harder because it’s harder to use a computer.
So now my performance exams are approaching and I’m supposed to be playing in them (my physio’s advice is I can play as long as I take breaks and don’t play while in pain) and I think it’s all gonna go to shit. I also have 3 assignments due at the same time and even though I’m resting my hands and doing physical therapy my injury is getting worse. ATP I’m giving up on a music performance career and doing marketing internships etc but it’s so depressing. It almost feels like my life is over because it’s probably chronic pain at this point.
I’ve got special considerations for exams and extensions for assignments so my degree will be okay and I can resist my exams in August, but if I miss a group performance exam the other people in my ensemble have to go back in August too and the 3rd year members wouldn’t be able to graduate until January.
But yeah I’m trying to be positive and go in other directions but it’s really hard having to give up on my performance dreams. I’m exploring orchestration, composition and music business now, since I really enjoy & get decent to pretty good marks for composing and I have a bit of experience making posters & programmes for concerts. I’m trying to move on but it’s still really affecting my mental well-being.
submitted by SwimComprehensive184 to musicians [link] [comments]
So I’m a 2nd year music student and I’ve dealt with a compressed nerve in my neck for 8 months (since before the start of the academic year) and it’s made the entire year utter hell and the injury keeps getting worse. It’s made my hands extremely weak and numb and painful, which makes playing flute and sax for my degree really hard. So I do some performance modules and they’ve been significantly impacted, but I kept them going because I thought I’d get better (and I was doing a lot better for a couple months before it got much worse again). It’s so depressing seeing everyone around me achieve great things while I can’t play much anymore. I got good spaces in the uni’s orchestras but I had to drop out of those. Luckily I do have non-performance modules (worth about 60% of the degree) but that’s made harder because it’s harder to use a computer.
So now my performance exams are approaching and I’m supposed to be playing in them (my physio’s advice is I can play as long as I take breaks and don’t play while in pain) and I think it’s all gonna go to shit. I also have 3 assignments due at the same time and even though I’m resting my hands and doing physical therapy my injury is getting worse. ATP I’m giving up on a music performance career and doing marketing internships etc but it’s so depressing. It almost feels like my life is over because it’s probably chronic pain at this point.
I’ve got special considerations for exams and extensions for assignments so my degree will be okay and I can resist my exams in August, but if I miss a group performance exam the other people in my ensemble have to go back in August too and the 3rd year members wouldn’t be able to graduate until January.
But yeah I’m trying to be positive and go in other directions but it’s really hard having to give up on my performance dreams. I’m exploring orchestration, composition and music business now, since I really enjoy & get decent to pretty good marks for composing and I have a bit of experience making posters & programmes for concerts. I’m trying to move on but it’s still really affecting my mental well-being.
2024.05.15 19:21 Awindyday1021 My sister has depression
I literally just opened an account because I need some advices. First things first, English is my second language so expect mistakes here and there or even nonsense. I’ll try to explain myself later.
I literally have no idea how to help my sister and there are times that I feel I need the relationship to end for my own happiness. Am I too selfish??? We don’t have our parents so we only have each other.
She has been in a relationship over 15 years, living together but not married. Since I met my husband she has made comments like I want to marry one day but not with him, I love him to death but I don’t want him to be the father of my children. We have discussed MILLIONS times that she should end that relationship because it’s definitely not what she needs. Time passed and nothing changed. She cheated on him a few years ago, and never told him, felt like crap about it but he never knew. She has cheated on him AGAIN, she has depression from a long time ago and she claims that she found what she needed in that guy but ended it. I have been listening to her since the end of last summer about how much she wants to end the relationship but she doesn’t know how. When I try to talk to her I supposedly become this person telling her what to do, with cero empathy and I have no idea of life and cero idea what she is going through. She has decided multiple times no to tell me anything else because of my lack of advice and then two days passed and she always come back to tell me the same crap. If I stay on the phone listening to her, it’s a problem that I stay quiet, if I try to give her advices, I shouldn’t have to tell her what to do and I have cero respect for her feelings. I have tried to talk to her and said I’m confused, I don’t really know how to approach. She calls me almost everyday to talk about the same thing and how much she has cried that day. She reminds me every time that she has depression. Oh I forgot, she’s in therapy since before Christmas. She said she has gotten better but I don’t see any changes.
I have been listening for about 7 years that she doesn’t want to be in that relationship but she doesn’t want to hurt him. Then she cries because she loves him and wants a future with him, she just wishes that he could give her what she needs. But people don’t change, and it’s definitely not getting better and 7 years is a long time to know what you want and do nothing about it. In December she was gonna leave him, in March she was gonna say that she cheated and tried to fix it. In April she didn’t know how to break up. Yesterday she wanted to be with him and tell him about the infidelity again. Today she called him and said we should break up. She called me and said but I love him too much what am I doing? Too much inconsistency for me.
After this long time talking about the same thing, it’s starting to affect my own mental health. Every phone call is one hour of negativity and I can’t take it anymore. I have found myself feeling mad, with anxiety, crying, screaming and frustrated every time I talk to her. My day gets completely ruined and I wish I could find the balance and dont let affect me. But I can’t, after so many times and a long time, I can’t anymore. I see that she is calling me and I know everything that’s coming after. I have tried to tell her that she is in this toxic routine and she needs to get out. I have said that they are hurting each other more than they are loving each other. I have said all the truths I know. And when I do, I’m a horrible person that has cero idea how to deal with mental health. I have said hey, I can’t help you, I’ll be here always but I don’t have the experience or knowledge to help you. She agrees and then she comes back wanting advices. I don’t want any more of this. A lot of things are going bad on her life also besides this. I wanted to tell her that I need a break from her for my own mental health but I feel I’m the only thing left that she has. How am I gonna do that?
I don’t know what else to do or how to approach. I feel I have tried everything. My husband keeps telling me how happier I am when my sister and I have fought and haven’t talked in months in the past. One part of me wants to say, leave me alone but another one is scared that she gets even worse because I’m leaving her.
How can you help a person with depression that doesn’t want the help and their actions are not helping?
I’m even mad after writing this. I just can’t take it anymore.
submitted by Awindyday1021 to u/Awindyday1021 [link] [comments]
I literally have no idea how to help my sister and there are times that I feel I need the relationship to end for my own happiness. Am I too selfish??? We don’t have our parents so we only have each other.
She has been in a relationship over 15 years, living together but not married. Since I met my husband she has made comments like I want to marry one day but not with him, I love him to death but I don’t want him to be the father of my children. We have discussed MILLIONS times that she should end that relationship because it’s definitely not what she needs. Time passed and nothing changed. She cheated on him a few years ago, and never told him, felt like crap about it but he never knew. She has cheated on him AGAIN, she has depression from a long time ago and she claims that she found what she needed in that guy but ended it. I have been listening to her since the end of last summer about how much she wants to end the relationship but she doesn’t know how. When I try to talk to her I supposedly become this person telling her what to do, with cero empathy and I have no idea of life and cero idea what she is going through. She has decided multiple times no to tell me anything else because of my lack of advice and then two days passed and she always come back to tell me the same crap. If I stay on the phone listening to her, it’s a problem that I stay quiet, if I try to give her advices, I shouldn’t have to tell her what to do and I have cero respect for her feelings. I have tried to talk to her and said I’m confused, I don’t really know how to approach. She calls me almost everyday to talk about the same thing and how much she has cried that day. She reminds me every time that she has depression. Oh I forgot, she’s in therapy since before Christmas. She said she has gotten better but I don’t see any changes.
I have been listening for about 7 years that she doesn’t want to be in that relationship but she doesn’t want to hurt him. Then she cries because she loves him and wants a future with him, she just wishes that he could give her what she needs. But people don’t change, and it’s definitely not getting better and 7 years is a long time to know what you want and do nothing about it. In December she was gonna leave him, in March she was gonna say that she cheated and tried to fix it. In April she didn’t know how to break up. Yesterday she wanted to be with him and tell him about the infidelity again. Today she called him and said we should break up. She called me and said but I love him too much what am I doing? Too much inconsistency for me.
After this long time talking about the same thing, it’s starting to affect my own mental health. Every phone call is one hour of negativity and I can’t take it anymore. I have found myself feeling mad, with anxiety, crying, screaming and frustrated every time I talk to her. My day gets completely ruined and I wish I could find the balance and dont let affect me. But I can’t, after so many times and a long time, I can’t anymore. I see that she is calling me and I know everything that’s coming after. I have tried to tell her that she is in this toxic routine and she needs to get out. I have said that they are hurting each other more than they are loving each other. I have said all the truths I know. And when I do, I’m a horrible person that has cero idea how to deal with mental health. I have said hey, I can’t help you, I’ll be here always but I don’t have the experience or knowledge to help you. She agrees and then she comes back wanting advices. I don’t want any more of this. A lot of things are going bad on her life also besides this. I wanted to tell her that I need a break from her for my own mental health but I feel I’m the only thing left that she has. How am I gonna do that?
I don’t know what else to do or how to approach. I feel I have tried everything. My husband keeps telling me how happier I am when my sister and I have fought and haven’t talked in months in the past. One part of me wants to say, leave me alone but another one is scared that she gets even worse because I’m leaving her.
How can you help a person with depression that doesn’t want the help and their actions are not helping?
I’m even mad after writing this. I just can’t take it anymore.
2024.05.15 19:21 typicalspicycouple Will I be broken forever. Does live like this fade away
Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.
submitted by typicalspicycouple to BreakUps [link] [comments]
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.
2024.05.15 19:20 Ewewew3 my friend thinks i am replacing her
hi i just wanna give some context first but basically i started college and my first close friend was made a month in and we made a group with other friends and around november i went out and met this girl and she was very eager to go out with me and wanted to be my friend and ofc i said yes. we also ended up being really close and they are also friends with each other but just not as close and shes in our group too.
lets call the first friend ally and the second joey.
joey and i were more of a one on one friendship and i loved that but i also love spending time with all of us together and with how busy i am with finals, i try to spend my extra time with all my friends and so i normally end up doing things with ally and joey together but today i texted joey and was like can we go target and she said yes. i told ally that i was gonna be late for studying because i had to go to target and she asked if she could come and i asked joey first and she said something came up and she cant go to target and then i asked if she was ok and she said 'no i feel like you are replacing me'.
this wasnt my intention and im not sure what to do, can anyone help?
submitted by Ewewew3 to u/Ewewew3 [link] [comments]
lets call the first friend ally and the second joey.
joey and i were more of a one on one friendship and i loved that but i also love spending time with all of us together and with how busy i am with finals, i try to spend my extra time with all my friends and so i normally end up doing things with ally and joey together but today i texted joey and was like can we go target and she said yes. i told ally that i was gonna be late for studying because i had to go to target and she asked if she could come and i asked joey first and she said something came up and she cant go to target and then i asked if she was ok and she said 'no i feel like you are replacing me'.
this wasnt my intention and im not sure what to do, can anyone help?
2024.05.15 19:20 Ewewew3 my friend thinks i am replacing her
hi i just wanna give some context first but basically i started college and my first close friend was made a month in and we made a group with other friends and around november i went out and met this girl and she was very eager to go out with me and wanted to be my friend and ofc i said yes. we also ended up being really close and they are also friends with each other but just not as close and shes in our group too.
lets call the first friend ally and the second joey.
joey and i were more of a one on one friendship and i loved that but i also love spending time with all of us together and with how busy i am with finals, i try to spend my extra time with all my friends and so i normally end up doing things with ally and joey together but today i texted joey and was like can we go target and she said yes. i told ally that i was gonna be late for studying because i had to go to target and she asked if she could come and i asked joey first and she said something came up and she cant go to target and then i asked if she was ok and she said 'no i feel like you are replacing me'.
this wasnt my intention and im not sure what to do, can anyone help?
submitted by Ewewew3 to friendship [link] [comments]
lets call the first friend ally and the second joey.
joey and i were more of a one on one friendship and i loved that but i also love spending time with all of us together and with how busy i am with finals, i try to spend my extra time with all my friends and so i normally end up doing things with ally and joey together but today i texted joey and was like can we go target and she said yes. i told ally that i was gonna be late for studying because i had to go to target and she asked if she could come and i asked joey first and she said something came up and she cant go to target and then i asked if she was ok and she said 'no i feel like you are replacing me'.
this wasnt my intention and im not sure what to do, can anyone help?
2024.05.15 19:20 J_B_1234 Slow Internet speeds on WiFi and Ethernet and I have no idea why.
To start, I have a Desktop PC with an Intel i9 9000k @ 3.6GHz, EVGA Z390 FTW Motherboard, MSI RTX 3080Ti, Corsair Vengeance Pro (16x4) 64GB DDR4 3200 RAM, I have an Archer TXE75E WiFi and Bluetooth PCIe adapter, and run Win 11
My internet should be at 800 down and 20 up as stated by my XB7 Gateway from Xfinity. When testing on Speedtest .net other PCs in my house get that speed if not more, especially on ethernet. However, every 2-3 months (give or take) my PC will suddenly drop speeds down to 40-60 down and 15-20 up. I haven't figured out a reason or a solution for this no matter what I try. This has happened once before, a few months ago and has since gone away on its own, although I only got about 400 down since then (Better but not what I know I can get from my Gateway. A few days ago, it dropped down to 60/20 again, and it interferes with matchmaking and competitive play for games, as well as bitrate for streaming.
Device manager says the device is working properly, but in the events tab I see this on the WiFi adapter:
"Device PCI\VEN_8086&DEV_2725&SUBSYS_00208086&REV_1A\4&160ef086&0&00D8 had a problem starting.
Driver Name: oem4.inf
Class Guid: {4d36e972-e325-11ce-bfc1-08002be10318}
Service: Netwtw14
Lower Filters
Upper Filters: vwifibus
Problem: 0x0
Problem Status: 0xC00000E5
Here's a list of things that I've tried but haven't fixed the problem.
* Restarted the PC
* Swapped Ethernet cables from a PC that gets regular speeds
* Made sure metered connection wasn't enable in ethernet settings in windows
* Reinstalled WiFi + Ethernet Drivers
* Made sure the antenna connections to the card were secure
* Made sure connections to the MB and the adapter were secure
* Moved my adapter to a different PCIe slot
* Installed a different PCIe adapter (no change in speed)
I made sure the appropriate drivers were installed as well as removed the old ones
* Removed PC from Network from Gateway side, rejoined
* Used Command prompt to flush and reset IP settings
* Factory reset Gateway and reset internet from ISP
* Bios update (because of the indifference of ethernet vs WiFi connections)
Left all BIOS settings default so as to not add to my problem
*Used windows repair to make sure it wasn't a Windows problem (it always is)
* Tried messing with properties for the adapter as well as ethernet. i.e. Full duplex vs auto negotiate, prefer 5g, 802.11 /ac/ax/g/b/n and nothing even made a difference that I could tell.
* Even tried to make another account (Local) on my PC to see if it was something to do with that (Different reddit thread said that might be a cause)
Losing my mind over this because nothing seems to work, or even make a difference and I cant figure it out by myself. My thinking is that it;'s not a hardware issue with the card, since switching it out didn't change anything. I'm worried that its a hardware issue with my MB, but that doesn't explain how it was magically fixed by itself last time. Anything that I haven't tried or any good things to check as well would be greatly appreciated!
submitted by J_B_1234 to techsupport [link] [comments]
My internet should be at 800 down and 20 up as stated by my XB7 Gateway from Xfinity. When testing on Speedtest .net other PCs in my house get that speed if not more, especially on ethernet. However, every 2-3 months (give or take) my PC will suddenly drop speeds down to 40-60 down and 15-20 up. I haven't figured out a reason or a solution for this no matter what I try. This has happened once before, a few months ago and has since gone away on its own, although I only got about 400 down since then (Better but not what I know I can get from my Gateway. A few days ago, it dropped down to 60/20 again, and it interferes with matchmaking and competitive play for games, as well as bitrate for streaming.
Device manager says the device is working properly, but in the events tab I see this on the WiFi adapter:
"Device PCI\VEN_8086&DEV_2725&SUBSYS_00208086&REV_1A\4&160ef086&0&00D8 had a problem starting.
Driver Name: oem4.inf
Class Guid: {4d36e972-e325-11ce-bfc1-08002be10318}
Service: Netwtw14
Lower Filters
Upper Filters: vwifibus
Problem: 0x0
Problem Status: 0xC00000E5
Here's a list of things that I've tried but haven't fixed the problem.
* Restarted the PC
* Swapped Ethernet cables from a PC that gets regular speeds
- Other PC (using my cable) got 800/20
- My PC (Using New cable) got 50/20
* Made sure metered connection wasn't enable in ethernet settings in windows
* Reinstalled WiFi + Ethernet Drivers
* Made sure the antenna connections to the card were secure
* Made sure connections to the MB and the adapter were secure
* Moved my adapter to a different PCIe slot
* Installed a different PCIe adapter (no change in speed)
I made sure the appropriate drivers were installed as well as removed the old ones
- Since there was no change I reinstalled the old one (newer model so I'd like to use that one instead of the backup) and reinstalled proper drivers. Also no change
* Removed PC from Network from Gateway side, rejoined
* Used Command prompt to flush and reset IP settings
* Factory reset Gateway and reset internet from ISP
* Bios update (because of the indifference of ethernet vs WiFi connections)
Left all BIOS settings default so as to not add to my problem
*Used windows repair to make sure it wasn't a Windows problem (it always is)
* Tried messing with properties for the adapter as well as ethernet. i.e. Full duplex vs auto negotiate, prefer 5g, 802.11 /ac/ax/g/b/n and nothing even made a difference that I could tell.
- Reset all to default after tinkering
* Even tried to make another account (Local) on my PC to see if it was something to do with that (Different reddit thread said that might be a cause)
Losing my mind over this because nothing seems to work, or even make a difference and I cant figure it out by myself. My thinking is that it;'s not a hardware issue with the card, since switching it out didn't change anything. I'm worried that its a hardware issue with my MB, but that doesn't explain how it was magically fixed by itself last time. Anything that I haven't tried or any good things to check as well would be greatly appreciated!
2024.05.15 19:20 jarjarbinksjar Struggling with if this can be overcome or not.
TL;DR - Many fights and misunderstandings have led to us feeling bitter towards each other. I don't know if it's worth trying anymore, and I need advice from experienced couples that have been through this.
I'm (M33) engaged to my fiancee (F30). We've been together about 6 years, and while we've had very fun, memorable times together, we've also had a lot of hurtful times.
Over the years, we have learned about the other person's love language, and we have tried to apply that to our relationship. I wasn't too experienced in serious relationships before this.
I'm trying to keep this post short, but we have had misunderstsndings of what the other person wants in a relationship at times when we try to apply the love language, and when we miscommunicate, this can lead to fights that build on top of each other. Recently, I picked out my groomsmen suits, and when I made a judgement call on pants that they would need to change because one size wasn't available, she freaked out on me and started insulting me. I told her that I never freaked out on her like that and that I've been flexible with changes she wanted to make in the wedding, so I said she's being unfair and rude. We haven't spoken for a couple of days.
We've had misunderstandings and big fights like this before. We eventually realized how much we hurt the other person, and then we tried applying what the other person said they need in the relationship going forward, but I can't keep having those fights for the rest of my life. They're mentally draining, and I said the biggest thing I wish she would do something about is how she refuses to admit to wrongdoing and how she redirects or takes things out on me.
She doesn't always do that, but it's enough that it prolongs fights. She was also emotionally abused growing up, and I notice how it affect her when she gets stressed out.
I'm no saint, and I've done similar things that hurt her in our relationship. A lot of the things I get hurt by are the same things I do to an extent. We're also both pretty stressed out in general from the wedding and trying to balance work, the gym/being social, and our two dogs.
My question is, for the couples that have been in something similar, was it worth working through the pain to learn how to love with that person and did you come out better because of it? Or am I being delusional in thinking that the slow progress is going to win out and we'll be in a better place? We have certainly made improvements in our bad habits, but it's still an issue. We've had one couples therapy session together that she didn't want to do, but was willing to try it because I requested it.
This is taking a huge toll on me mentally, and I don't have a good support system, so I'm not thinking 100% clearly and calmly. I tried to shorten the post, but let me know if details are needed somewhere. I think I just needed to vent too.
submitted by jarjarbinksjar to RelationshipsOver35 [link] [comments]
I'm (M33) engaged to my fiancee (F30). We've been together about 6 years, and while we've had very fun, memorable times together, we've also had a lot of hurtful times.
Over the years, we have learned about the other person's love language, and we have tried to apply that to our relationship. I wasn't too experienced in serious relationships before this.
I'm trying to keep this post short, but we have had misunderstsndings of what the other person wants in a relationship at times when we try to apply the love language, and when we miscommunicate, this can lead to fights that build on top of each other. Recently, I picked out my groomsmen suits, and when I made a judgement call on pants that they would need to change because one size wasn't available, she freaked out on me and started insulting me. I told her that I never freaked out on her like that and that I've been flexible with changes she wanted to make in the wedding, so I said she's being unfair and rude. We haven't spoken for a couple of days.
We've had misunderstandings and big fights like this before. We eventually realized how much we hurt the other person, and then we tried applying what the other person said they need in the relationship going forward, but I can't keep having those fights for the rest of my life. They're mentally draining, and I said the biggest thing I wish she would do something about is how she refuses to admit to wrongdoing and how she redirects or takes things out on me.
She doesn't always do that, but it's enough that it prolongs fights. She was also emotionally abused growing up, and I notice how it affect her when she gets stressed out.
I'm no saint, and I've done similar things that hurt her in our relationship. A lot of the things I get hurt by are the same things I do to an extent. We're also both pretty stressed out in general from the wedding and trying to balance work, the gym/being social, and our two dogs.
My question is, for the couples that have been in something similar, was it worth working through the pain to learn how to love with that person and did you come out better because of it? Or am I being delusional in thinking that the slow progress is going to win out and we'll be in a better place? We have certainly made improvements in our bad habits, but it's still an issue. We've had one couples therapy session together that she didn't want to do, but was willing to try it because I requested it.
This is taking a huge toll on me mentally, and I don't have a good support system, so I'm not thinking 100% clearly and calmly. I tried to shorten the post, but let me know if details are needed somewhere. I think I just needed to vent too.
2024.05.15 19:20 Perditius What is the intended goal of Major Orders in terms of game design / gameplay?
This is not a salt post about failing the last two major orders - but seeing how people react to them on here raised the question for me.
I killed close to 7,000 bots for this MO, and I don't feel like I accomplished anything because we lost. Same with the Terminids mission and how I just fought my heart out on the right planets every night, and then we lost anyway.
The game gives us the ability to play however we want. The Major Order gets set and encourages the player base with rewards for doing it. "Fight on this planet for the next 3 days, and if enough of you do it, you get some reward." They don't lock you into only fighting on that planet. You can do what you want. Don't wanna fight bots even if that's the Major Order? That's cool - you can go kill bugs if that's all you like doing.
But the game also then sets rewards for completing a major order. What is the point of giving out awards for accomplishing a major order if all the people who worked hard to try and accomplish it get zero reward? Thousands of players could grind 24 hours a day to try and get it done, but they have no control over what the rest of the population does. It makes individual agency feel completely meaningless.
It seems like all the Major Order does is sew apathy for not really feeling like my individual contribution does anything, whether we win or lose, and resentment for when 1/3 of the players are ignoring the thing that the other 2/3 are grinding away at trying to accomplish.
What is the upside to the Major Order? Currently, it just feels like "play the game and sometimes you log in and get some bonus medals and sometimes you don't," and I feel like there has to be some kind of community-wide quest system that feels more compelling and rewarding than that.
submitted by Perditius to Helldivers [link] [comments]
I killed close to 7,000 bots for this MO, and I don't feel like I accomplished anything because we lost. Same with the Terminids mission and how I just fought my heart out on the right planets every night, and then we lost anyway.
The game gives us the ability to play however we want. The Major Order gets set and encourages the player base with rewards for doing it. "Fight on this planet for the next 3 days, and if enough of you do it, you get some reward." They don't lock you into only fighting on that planet. You can do what you want. Don't wanna fight bots even if that's the Major Order? That's cool - you can go kill bugs if that's all you like doing.
But the game also then sets rewards for completing a major order. What is the point of giving out awards for accomplishing a major order if all the people who worked hard to try and accomplish it get zero reward? Thousands of players could grind 24 hours a day to try and get it done, but they have no control over what the rest of the population does. It makes individual agency feel completely meaningless.
It seems like all the Major Order does is sew apathy for not really feeling like my individual contribution does anything, whether we win or lose, and resentment for when 1/3 of the players are ignoring the thing that the other 2/3 are grinding away at trying to accomplish.
What is the upside to the Major Order? Currently, it just feels like "play the game and sometimes you log in and get some bonus medals and sometimes you don't," and I feel like there has to be some kind of community-wide quest system that feels more compelling and rewarding than that.
2024.05.15 19:20 Soupatarian Tips for ADHDers?
(TLDR- looking for uncommon or weird ADHD tips to help improve discipline and productivity in personal life)
Hi! I’m brand new here, and although I find myself agreeing with much of the advice, I feel like I’ll end up stuck in the exact same patterns I always do. I’m not looking for broad tips to manage my adhd, it’s more that I’m looking for some lesser known tips that can specifically help me get more disciplined.
I (F23) oscillate between being basically a workaholic and an absolute lazy slug, in that I’m great at my job and put in a lot of effort but my personal life is messy, chaotic and unorganized. I have a great social life, but my apartment is filthy, I can never remember to wash my my face, every dish is dirty, and I spend so much money ordering food despite my love for cooking. I also haven’t been to the gym in probably a year despite my love for that.
My problem is that my adhd (and other mental health issues) make it really hard to find methods that work long-term, as consitency doesn’t really exist in my brain, no matter how long I keep up a pattern. Essentially, as soon as I miss a day/task it’s as if I never started in the first place. I’ve tried all the big ADHD tips and methods out there, and I find that they either work only for a little while, or they’re changes that I still manage to keep up and use (super specific lists, etc) but those alone aren’t enough to help keep me on track. I know there’s a lot I should work on mentally, but right now I really just want to be able to keep my apartment and myself clean. Maybe add a few more work hours to my week for my 2nd job which is wfh. I work nights in the hospitality industry (bar, very fun love my job) but it means that waking up early isn’t really a priority, I just want to be able to be up before noon.
I’ve tried all the big tips, and I was a classical music major for 12 years so I’ve done the practice-every-day routine before, and it still was still a struggle even after a decade. So I guess I’m asking if anyone has weird tips or advice having gone through things?
Sorry this is so long, I’m new to Reddit in general so if I’ve made any mistakes or faux pas, please let me know!
submitted by Soupatarian to getdisciplined [link] [comments]
Hi! I’m brand new here, and although I find myself agreeing with much of the advice, I feel like I’ll end up stuck in the exact same patterns I always do. I’m not looking for broad tips to manage my adhd, it’s more that I’m looking for some lesser known tips that can specifically help me get more disciplined.
I (F23) oscillate between being basically a workaholic and an absolute lazy slug, in that I’m great at my job and put in a lot of effort but my personal life is messy, chaotic and unorganized. I have a great social life, but my apartment is filthy, I can never remember to wash my my face, every dish is dirty, and I spend so much money ordering food despite my love for cooking. I also haven’t been to the gym in probably a year despite my love for that.
My problem is that my adhd (and other mental health issues) make it really hard to find methods that work long-term, as consitency doesn’t really exist in my brain, no matter how long I keep up a pattern. Essentially, as soon as I miss a day/task it’s as if I never started in the first place. I’ve tried all the big ADHD tips and methods out there, and I find that they either work only for a little while, or they’re changes that I still manage to keep up and use (super specific lists, etc) but those alone aren’t enough to help keep me on track. I know there’s a lot I should work on mentally, but right now I really just want to be able to keep my apartment and myself clean. Maybe add a few more work hours to my week for my 2nd job which is wfh. I work nights in the hospitality industry (bar, very fun love my job) but it means that waking up early isn’t really a priority, I just want to be able to be up before noon.
I’ve tried all the big tips, and I was a classical music major for 12 years so I’ve done the practice-every-day routine before, and it still was still a struggle even after a decade. So I guess I’m asking if anyone has weird tips or advice having gone through things?
Sorry this is so long, I’m new to Reddit in general so if I’ve made any mistakes or faux pas, please let me know!
2024.05.15 19:19 SwimComprehensive184 Dealing with an injury during 2nd year
So I’m a 2nd year music student and I’ve dealt with a compressed nerve in my neck for 8 months (since before the start of the academic year) and it’s made the entire year utter hell and the injury keeps getting worse. It’s made my hands extremely weak and numb and painful, which makes playing flute and sax for my degree really hard. So I do some performance modules and they’ve been significantly impacted, but I kept them going because I thought I’d get better (and I was doing a lot better for a couple months before it got much worse again). It’s so depressing seeing everyone around me achieve great things while I can’t play much anymore. I got good spaces in the uni’s orchestras but I had to drop out of those. Luckily I do have non-performance modules (worth about 60% of the degree) but that’s made harder because it’s harder to use a computer.
So now my performance exams are approaching and I’m supposed to be playing in them (my physio’s advice is I can play as long as I take breaks and don’t play while in pain) and I think it’s all gonna go to shit. I also have 3 assignments due at the same time and even though I’m resting my hands and doing physical therapy my injury is getting worse. ATP I’m giving up on a music performance career and doing marketing internships etc but it’s so depressing. It almost feels like my life is over because it’s probably chronic pain at this point.
I’ve got special considerations for exams and extensions for assignments so my degree will be okay and I can resist my exams in August, but if I miss a group performance exam the other people in my ensemble have to go back in August too and the 3rd year members wouldn’t be able to graduate until January.
But yeah I’m trying to be positive and go in other directions but it’s really hard having to give up on my performance dreams. I’m exploring orchestration, composition and music business now, since I really enjoy & get decent to pretty good marks for composing and I have a bit of experience making posters & programmes for concerts. I’m trying to move on but it’s still really affecting my mental well-being.
submitted by SwimComprehensive184 to UniUK [link] [comments]
So now my performance exams are approaching and I’m supposed to be playing in them (my physio’s advice is I can play as long as I take breaks and don’t play while in pain) and I think it’s all gonna go to shit. I also have 3 assignments due at the same time and even though I’m resting my hands and doing physical therapy my injury is getting worse. ATP I’m giving up on a music performance career and doing marketing internships etc but it’s so depressing. It almost feels like my life is over because it’s probably chronic pain at this point.
I’ve got special considerations for exams and extensions for assignments so my degree will be okay and I can resist my exams in August, but if I miss a group performance exam the other people in my ensemble have to go back in August too and the 3rd year members wouldn’t be able to graduate until January.
But yeah I’m trying to be positive and go in other directions but it’s really hard having to give up on my performance dreams. I’m exploring orchestration, composition and music business now, since I really enjoy & get decent to pretty good marks for composing and I have a bit of experience making posters & programmes for concerts. I’m trying to move on but it’s still really affecting my mental well-being.
2024.05.15 19:19 Fubukishirou430 Expansion (Finale) + Reshuffle
Western Expedition
[Evan Yang] vs [Zygarde Lee]
Evan rampaged on. He had no intellect, he had become a machine.
Intelligence: N/A
Zygarde: Snap out of it!
Zygarde took out his batons.
Evan: ...
[Gangseo (No 4): "Lu Bu" Evan Yang]: ???, XXR, A+ (Assurged), N/A, ???
Zygarde couldn't block it. The force of Evan's punches crumpled his batons.
Zygarde: Crazy bastard.
Lower 5: we will help you sir!
Lower 5
[North Gangseo (No. 16): Won Hakjun]: SSR, SR, B (Awakened), B, SR
[North Gangseo (No 17): Bae Ji-Woong]: SR+, SR, B+ (Awakened), B, SR
[North Gangseo (No 18): Taekbeom Gu]: SR+, SR+, B (Awakened), A+, SSS+
[North Gangseo (No 19): Jeong Baek]: SR, SR, A(Awakened), A, SR
[North Gangseo (No 20): Cheonhak Kim]: SSS+, SR, A(Awakened), C, SR+
Zygarde: What the fuck are you morons doing?! Stay back!
Zygarde sighed. I didn't want to use this now...
He dropped his batons and got into a new stance.
Ji-Woong: What's that?
One month prior...
???: My great-grandbaby! I can't believe you guys made something so cute!
??? vs Zygarde Lee and Hae-in Kim
Winner: ???
Zygarde: F-fuck...
???: I'll be taking Yeon for now...
He looks down to see Zygarde biting on his Achilles tendon.
???: Because a real father's strength comes out when the baby is in danger!
Place: ???
Yeon: Grapa! Grapa! ???: Zygarde and Hae-in have done a good job raising you.
Day 1: Winner: ??? ???: Not bad for a first try.
Day 2: Winner: ??? ???: I don't see it.
Day 3: Winner: ??? ???: You've gone soft my boy.
The old man sighed.
???: I don't see it, boy.
...
A month later...
Yeon: Grapa! Bye!
???: Good Job. You've finally learnt it.
Zygarde swaddled Yeon in her arms.
???: Unfortunately, we only have a month, but you're a smart boy. You'll do well.
???: You've finally picked up CQC.
[Gangseo (No 4): "Lu Bu" Evan Yang]: XR, XXX, A+ (Assurged), D, XR
Evan: Zuhhhh...
[Gangseo (No 5): "Commander" Zygarde Lee]: XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), SS, XX
Zygarde: It's time to rest, Evan.
[Gangseo (No 5): "Commander" Zygarde Lee]: XXXup!, XRup!, A+ (Ascended), SS, XX
Evan fell.
Winner: Zygarde Lee
Western Expedition: Complete!
Southern Expedition
???: What are you doing?
[North Gangseo (No 9): "Six Fingers" Seongji Yun]: XX, X, S(Ascended), B, XX
Yun: Y'all are slow. Yechan told me to send some of y'all to the east.
Kai: Meh-
William: I'll go.
Kai (muttering): Excited bitch.
Yun: Sure.
William: Bong. Great job.
[Bucheon High (No 1): Hu Jiram] vs [Gangseo (Personal Executive): Bong Kwang]
Winner: Bong Kwang
[Gangseo (Personal Executive): Bong Kwang]: SSR+, SSR, A+ (Awakened), C, SSR+ (Rebirth)
Southern Expedition: Complete!
Eastern Expedition
[Gangseo (No 7): "Swordsman" William Texiter]: XX, XX, S (Ascended), A, X new!
Northern Surveillance
Adrian: Mapo union huh? Interesting. This should be good enough for now.
Adrian calls Mangu.
Adrian: I'm coming back.
Northern Surveillance: Complete!
Eastern Expedition
William: This should be where he is. I should surprise him!
William broke the door with a heavy strike.
William: Sup b-
William saw the twisted remains of men. Some were lodged into the walls, some were twisted. Many had a look of fear before succumbing to their fates.
William: Seol Jin went above and beyond huh?
Doha: Sir.
[Gangseo (Personal Executive): Doha Han]: UR, UR+, A(Awakened), C, UR+
William: Oh. Doha. Great progress. Why am I here though?
Doha shifted nervously. He couldn't maintain eye contact with William.
William: Spit it out. Doha: The thing is... William: Is? Doha: Mr Seol Jin.... William: Does he need any help? Doha: I think you should see it for yourself.
Place: Head office of Gateway
William: Oh.
Seol Jin was out of it. He trashed the room. He was reduced to a man with nothing but rage.
William: Jin?
The teenager stood up.
[North Gangseo (No 10): "Vanguard" Kim Seol Jin]: X, X, B(Ascended), F down!, XX
He took a step forward. In his hand was the heart he had ripped out of the man's chest.
William: What the f-
He crushed it and fell with a thud.
Western Expedition: Complete!
A few hours later...
Place: Gangseo HQ
Mangu: Great job you guys. Take a break. Adrian, Zygarde, Evan, Hwangyan. We need to talk.
A few moments later...
[Gangseo (No. 1): "Emperor" Hwangyan]: XXR, XR, S(Assurged), A, XXR
[Gangseo (No. 2): "Genius" Adrian Ciel]: XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), S, XX
[Gangseo (No 3) "Business Man" Mangu Yeong]:XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), S+, XX
[Gangseo (No 4): "Lu Bu" Evan Yang]: XR, XXX, A+ (Assurged), D, XR
[Gangseo (No 5): "Commander" Zygarde Lee]: XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), SS, XX
Zygarde: So. How was Mapo, Adrian? Adrian: There is a union controlling the region. I think it's called "Mapo Union". They have various businesses. The north needs more planning than we expected.
The men in the room nodded at one another.
Evan: So we can't barge in and take over? Mangu: Yeah. At least not for the time being. Evan: Wuh? Hwangyan: It means we can barge in later. Evan: Cool! I can wait!
Mangu stood up.
Zygarde: Is it finally time for that?
Mangu nodded.
Mangu: It's time for a reshuffle. Hwangyan: Reshuffle? Zygarde: The crew's grown. The normal rankings aren't gonna cut it anymore. Adrian: So what do you propose?
Mangu smiled.
Mangu: We'll do it like the workers have!
Hwangyan's ears perked.
Mangu: We'll rename our crew to Empire.
Hwangyan's rubbed his nose.
Hwangyan (shameless): No need to thank me. Evan: So cool! Empire! Zygarde and Adrian: Cringey bastards.
Mangu coughed.
Mangu: Moving on. We have to make do without the numbers.
Mangu brought a whiteboard in. It showed the hierarchy of the members
Emperor (Head) >>> Archdukes (Vice-Heads) == Dignitaries (VVIPs) >>> Ministers (Affiliate heads)
MInisters:
Dukes (President/ Affiliate Heads) >>> Marquess (Chairmen) >>> Earls (High Executive) >>> Viscount (MIddle Executive) >>> Baron (Low executive) >>> Commoners (Workforce)
Zygarde: You've been reading Otome Isekais! Mangu: They spark joy.
Hwangyan scrutinised the board.
Hwangyan: So I'm the Emperor. You guys are my archdukes? Mangu: Yep. Though Zygarde and Evan will have a "Duke" and "Marquess" title as well. Hwangyan: I see... Mangu: I think we should start on the reshuffle.
[I'll leave the list for AU Character positions (3)]
submitted by Fubukishirou430 to OCism_official [link] [comments]
[Evan Yang] vs [Zygarde Lee]
Evan rampaged on. He had no intellect, he had become a machine.
Intelligence: N/A
Zygarde: Snap out of it!
Zygarde took out his batons.
Evan: ...
[Gangseo (No 4): "Lu Bu" Evan Yang]: ???, XXR, A+ (Assurged), N/A, ???
Zygarde couldn't block it. The force of Evan's punches crumpled his batons.
Zygarde: Crazy bastard.
Lower 5: we will help you sir!
Lower 5
[North Gangseo (No. 16): Won Hakjun]: SSR, SR, B (Awakened), B, SR
[North Gangseo (No 17): Bae Ji-Woong]: SR+, SR, B+ (Awakened), B, SR
[North Gangseo (No 18): Taekbeom Gu]: SR+, SR+, B (Awakened), A+, SSS+
[North Gangseo (No 19): Jeong Baek]: SR, SR, A(Awakened), A, SR
[North Gangseo (No 20): Cheonhak Kim]: SSS+, SR, A(Awakened), C, SR+
Zygarde: What the fuck are you morons doing?! Stay back!
Zygarde sighed. I didn't want to use this now...
He dropped his batons and got into a new stance.
Ji-Woong: What's that?
One month prior...
???: My great-grandbaby! I can't believe you guys made something so cute!
??? vs Zygarde Lee and Hae-in Kim
Winner: ???
Zygarde: F-fuck...
???: I'll be taking Yeon for now...
He looks down to see Zygarde biting on his Achilles tendon.
???: Because a real father's strength comes out when the baby is in danger!
Place: ???
Yeon: Grapa! Grapa! ???: Zygarde and Hae-in have done a good job raising you.
Day 1: Winner: ??? ???: Not bad for a first try.
Day 2: Winner: ??? ???: I don't see it.
Day 3: Winner: ??? ???: You've gone soft my boy.
The old man sighed.
???: I don't see it, boy.
...
A month later...
Yeon: Grapa! Bye!
???: Good Job. You've finally learnt it.
Zygarde swaddled Yeon in her arms.
???: Unfortunately, we only have a month, but you're a smart boy. You'll do well.
???: You've finally picked up CQC.
[Gangseo (No 4): "Lu Bu" Evan Yang]: XR, XXX, A+ (Assurged), D, XR
Evan: Zuhhhh...
[Gangseo (No 5): "Commander" Zygarde Lee]: XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), SS, XX
Zygarde: It's time to rest, Evan.
[Gangseo (No 5): "Commander" Zygarde Lee]: XXXup!, XRup!, A+ (Ascended), SS, XX
Evan fell.
Winner: Zygarde Lee
Western Expedition: Complete!
Southern Expedition
???: What are you doing?
[North Gangseo (No 9): "Six Fingers" Seongji Yun]: XX, X, S(Ascended), B, XX
Yun: Y'all are slow. Yechan told me to send some of y'all to the east.
Kai: Meh-
William: I'll go.
Kai (muttering): Excited bitch.
Yun: Sure.
William: Bong. Great job.
[Bucheon High (No 1): Hu Jiram] vs [Gangseo (Personal Executive): Bong Kwang]
Winner: Bong Kwang
[Gangseo (Personal Executive): Bong Kwang]: SSR+, SSR, A+ (Awakened), C, SSR+ (Rebirth)
Southern Expedition: Complete!
Eastern Expedition
[Gangseo (No 7): "Swordsman" William Texiter]: XX, XX, S (Ascended), A, X new!
Northern Surveillance
Adrian: Mapo union huh? Interesting. This should be good enough for now.
Adrian calls Mangu.
Adrian: I'm coming back.
Northern Surveillance: Complete!
Eastern Expedition
William: This should be where he is. I should surprise him!
William broke the door with a heavy strike.
William: Sup b-
William saw the twisted remains of men. Some were lodged into the walls, some were twisted. Many had a look of fear before succumbing to their fates.
William: Seol Jin went above and beyond huh?
Doha: Sir.
[Gangseo (Personal Executive): Doha Han]: UR, UR+, A(Awakened), C, UR+
William: Oh. Doha. Great progress. Why am I here though?
Doha shifted nervously. He couldn't maintain eye contact with William.
William: Spit it out. Doha: The thing is... William: Is? Doha: Mr Seol Jin.... William: Does he need any help? Doha: I think you should see it for yourself.
Place: Head office of Gateway
William: Oh.
Seol Jin was out of it. He trashed the room. He was reduced to a man with nothing but rage.
William: Jin?
The teenager stood up.
[North Gangseo (No 10): "Vanguard" Kim Seol Jin]: X, X, B(Ascended), F down!, XX
He took a step forward. In his hand was the heart he had ripped out of the man's chest.
William: What the f-
He crushed it and fell with a thud.
Western Expedition: Complete!
A few hours later...
Place: Gangseo HQ
Mangu: Great job you guys. Take a break. Adrian, Zygarde, Evan, Hwangyan. We need to talk.
A few moments later...
[Gangseo (No. 1): "Emperor" Hwangyan]: XXR, XR, S(Assurged), A, XXR
[Gangseo (No. 2): "Genius" Adrian Ciel]: XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), S, XX
[Gangseo (No 3) "Business Man" Mangu Yeong]:XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), S+, XX
[Gangseo (No 4): "Lu Bu" Evan Yang]: XR, XXX, A+ (Assurged), D, XR
[Gangseo (No 5): "Commander" Zygarde Lee]: XX, XXX, A+ (Ascended), SS, XX
Zygarde: So. How was Mapo, Adrian? Adrian: There is a union controlling the region. I think it's called "Mapo Union". They have various businesses. The north needs more planning than we expected.
The men in the room nodded at one another.
Evan: So we can't barge in and take over? Mangu: Yeah. At least not for the time being. Evan: Wuh? Hwangyan: It means we can barge in later. Evan: Cool! I can wait!
Mangu stood up.
Zygarde: Is it finally time for that?
Mangu nodded.
Mangu: It's time for a reshuffle. Hwangyan: Reshuffle? Zygarde: The crew's grown. The normal rankings aren't gonna cut it anymore. Adrian: So what do you propose?
Mangu smiled.
Mangu: We'll do it like the workers have!
Hwangyan's ears perked.
Mangu: We'll rename our crew to Empire.
Hwangyan's rubbed his nose.
Hwangyan (shameless): No need to thank me. Evan: So cool! Empire! Zygarde and Adrian: Cringey bastards.
Mangu coughed.
Mangu: Moving on. We have to make do without the numbers.
Mangu brought a whiteboard in. It showed the hierarchy of the members
Emperor (Head) >>> Archdukes (Vice-Heads) == Dignitaries (VVIPs) >>> Ministers (Affiliate heads)
MInisters:
Dukes (President/ Affiliate Heads) >>> Marquess (Chairmen) >>> Earls (High Executive) >>> Viscount (MIddle Executive) >>> Baron (Low executive) >>> Commoners (Workforce)
Zygarde: You've been reading Otome Isekais! Mangu: They spark joy.
Hwangyan scrutinised the board.
Hwangyan: So I'm the Emperor. You guys are my archdukes? Mangu: Yep. Though Zygarde and Evan will have a "Duke" and "Marquess" title as well. Hwangyan: I see... Mangu: I think we should start on the reshuffle.
[I'll leave the list for AU Character positions (3)]
2024.05.15 19:19 TeaRemote258 Building horse’s confidence when ridden
I have a lovely 3yo who is rather brave on the ground. I spent a lot of time when they were younger “desensitizing” and encouraging his natural curiosity through R+ work. Not long ago he hand walked through an area filled with balloons blowing all over on the ground (and popping) and only got a little upset when a gust caused one to bop him on the front of his back legs on his underside. All he did was kick out. He even grazed next to a balloon. He had no previous exposure to balloons.
The other day I took him on a hack around the farm with another rider and that kind of bravery…mostly disappeared. He was forward and his ears were pricked so I think he was having fun but we had to stop and process quite a bit at things he’s been exposed to before. Like, I’ve previously hand walked him in some of the areas we rode. He was also very not-sure footed when I walked him on the grass and walked very focused on the ground like he wasn’t sure about where to put his feet (felt his step hesitate several times).
I don’t have access to true trails but how can I help him build his confidence when I’m in the saddle and not next to him. I still want him to look to ME for guidance and not the other horse and I’m not certain he would’ve made that hack without another horse. Obviously he’s 3 so I don’t mind that he needs a nanny just now, but the goal would be to get him confident enough to not need one and hack alone.
submitted by TeaRemote258 to Equestrian [link] [comments]
The other day I took him on a hack around the farm with another rider and that kind of bravery…mostly disappeared. He was forward and his ears were pricked so I think he was having fun but we had to stop and process quite a bit at things he’s been exposed to before. Like, I’ve previously hand walked him in some of the areas we rode. He was also very not-sure footed when I walked him on the grass and walked very focused on the ground like he wasn’t sure about where to put his feet (felt his step hesitate several times).
I don’t have access to true trails but how can I help him build his confidence when I’m in the saddle and not next to him. I still want him to look to ME for guidance and not the other horse and I’m not certain he would’ve made that hack without another horse. Obviously he’s 3 so I don’t mind that he needs a nanny just now, but the goal would be to get him confident enough to not need one and hack alone.
2024.05.15 19:19 x993231 X From Ihub with a few thoughts See some of you next week
Lol now ihub punk is asking “What is the current sales pipeline for Lightwave Logic's polymer modulators and other products? Can you share any details on the size and timing of potential deals with the 20+ major corporations that have viewed the technology demo?"
"When do you anticipate Lightwave Logic will achieve its first $1 million revenue quarter? What milestones need to be hit to reach that level of quarterly sales?"
"What is the company's plan to become cash flow positive and profitable? When do you expect Lightwave Logic to reach profitability?”
Punkin has come a long way, he used to say that it could never be done, now he keeps falling back, apparently trying to hold the line, lol, now he is asking questions about revenue and dang even invoking God to help humanity as his reason for posting in his credentials. Even if one thinks that they are right that is quite a statement, typically something that a reasonable person keeps to themselves a life's effort is something between them and their creator. I have no idea where this technology will lead or what it will solve, my goal is an investment, certainly not divine, I have no clue in the end who it will truly benefit but the medical thing does have potential.
Today I'm happy with thousands of modulators on a foundry produced wafer. And thousands of modulators from a few ounces of Perkinamine. These modulators Triple the speed, reduce the power and are 1/30 the size of today's modulators. Lebby will fill us in on what we need, he is far more intelligent than anyone on this board.
Read on folks.
Oh and do not forget about those that sold early (or didn’t sell early) that purport to be long and like to consistently complain every single time the price drops. Let me try to explain it this way, this is not a sports game, this is a technology, so unlike sports, points can be literally be taken of the scoreboard by simply borrowing and selling shares (shorts). Remember though that those shares must be purchased back and until then the actual score of the game is not known. So the shorts agenda is to sell it down then try and convince folks to sell them shares at that discounted price. Some longs do not understand that they are helping the shorts at their game. That being said, there are currently 17% more shares sold than exist. They have borrowed those shares and pay interest daily and have sold them to us with the hope of buying them back at a reduced price (Some purported longs even try to help them) apparently, they think that if they complain it will force an NVDA, Microsoft, IBM, Amazon to reach an agreement with Lightwave sooner. Well, it will not change the speed of the adoption of the technology, I’m all for doing a tier1 agreement, but a few quick little agreements could force their hand so the Tier1’s do not have to have to honor those agreements should the company be taken over. Some seam to forget that until now Silicon photonics could keep up, but no more and with AI we just entered a new world, where the pace set by Moore's Law for silicon photonics is leisurely compared to this new demand. AI is totally on a sprint, with its computational power doubling not every two years, but approximately every six months.
Let me look at what the shorts have said over the years basically throwing spaghetti at the wall and have been proven wrong. Patents were filed in 2020, 2021, ALD I think was 2022. Patents were not made public, the shorts were babbling meanwhile Lebby had not only solved it but wrote and submitted patents.
Here are the 10 top B.S. short myths, trying to suppress the stock so they could try and cover I also think that there are a few purported longs that sold prematurely that are now helping to push the shorts game forward, meanwhile with the next deal announcement the dam is about to burst.
I’d love to see Punkin hold a conversation with Lebby one on one for 5 minutes, it would be hilarious,
Shorts and those paid by the shorts to act like they “know something” won't even tell you when they are short, they just say, no not short just here to spend my life 7 days a week helping folks that I have never met. Well, here they are, you tell me guys.
1.) The shorts had worked for months to try and convince investors that Lightwave had a problem poling. Then low and behold Lightwave unveiled 2 patents they submitted years prior solving that issue.
2.) The shorts claimed for years Lightwave could not protect the device in anything other than a gold box, then Lightwave unveiled the ALD patent that they had acquired. Basically, hair spray over the finished chip is all that is needed. The foundries are using the same thing over the electronics side of the chip. Understand that even if someone else invents an EO Polymer Lightwave Owns the Patent on ALD over Polymers. Comprende?
3.) The shorts claimed Lightwaves material was not stable, Wham Bam blown out of the water yet again.
4.) Shorts said that Lightwave could never get this under 1 volt, well Lightwave did, in fact Lightwaves polymer is so sensitive that their modulators can function without the aid of driver to boost the voltage. Basically the electrons in the 1's and 0's rolling off the silicon can embed themselves into the laser using Lightwaves polymer. Oh and by the way, Lightwave also owns the patent on a driverless Polymer Modulator. Even if someone perfects a stable sensitive EO polymer when the want to do direct drive, they have to come knocking on Lightwaves door with cash in hand.
5.) For the 6 months leading up to last years annual shareholder meeting the shorts stated Lightwave could not close a commercial deal all the then like now trying to convince us that the sky was falling and once again Lebby delivered.
6.) For months the shorts said Lightwave could not use anything other than gold on their electrodes, well guess the F what, yup, once again (at the shareholders meeting) Lebby put up a slide of successful foundry runs and when asked by me if the contacts labeled AL on the slide stood for Aluminum Lebby said “yes, we use that any many other materials as well”. I asked about aluminum corrosion, the response was, X (you idiot) that is what the ALD will also protect.
7.) The Shorts were trying to convince longs that the foundry had not made progress on PDK’s, Lebby certainly blew them out of the water on that as well. As info PDK’s are process development kits, it is how the foundries make Lightwaves devices available to the public so when an NVDA’s, Amazon (AWS), Cisco or Fujitsu are designing devices they can check that box and add that to their device in the foundry. 2 weeks ago lebby said the foundries have thousands of modulators per wafer. On question that I need to understand is that with thousands of devices on a wafer how many of those thousands of modulators are affected by the kerf when dicing (sawing or scribing?)
8) The shorts used to say that it couldn’t me done now as you see Pumpkin is asking Yes but “What is the current sales pipeline for Lightwave Logic's polymer modulators? Can you share any details on the size and timing of potential deals with the 20+ major corporations that have viewed the technology demo? When do you anticipate Lightwave Logic will achieve its first $1 million revenue quarter? What milestones need to be hit to reach that level of quarterly sales? What is the company's plan to become cash flow positive and profitable? When do you expect Lightwave Logic to reach profitability?” Lol, Lol and again Lol It sounds like Pumpkin is finally being honest, perhaps it is by divine intervention on his posts
9) As info the institutions now own 26% of the shares, The shorts would have us believe that is irrelevant, wait what?
10) I like this, Ted who also has another ID said that he gets his info from the internet because everything on it is true. When asked why he does not use first-hand information he said that he is not good at reading people, lol and yet he watches every video with baited breath.
I know some do not see it but as evidenced by their latest efforts the shorts are worried and it is obvious that whomever they got their info from was consistently years behind making up issues that had in fact already been solved. I would not want to have been an advisor to the shorts.
Lightwave is finally at the stage where they have the patents in place, moved into additional lab space, hired additional lab personnel for making larger quantities of perkinamine, (a few fluid ounces can make thousands of devices) the new lab will be equipped to test larger quantities of chips coming back from foundries, work on new polymers for additional devices (they even have another polymer available for licensing) produce data sheets, standardize bulk testing, they have even hired a dedicated deal maker, oh also a V.P. dedicated just to working with foundries that are actively running wafers. Now they have added a former Intel deal maker to the board of directors.
Soon this thing will in fact snowball because the industry's "go to" good old silicon photonics has hit the wall it simply cannot run faster. Lightwaves material when added applied to Silicon triples the speed and because it is so sensitive it is 30times smaller and uses 1/10 the power all at a time when AI is pushing the amount of data processed by the data centers through the roof.
~Some of us were wondering why the Lightwave employees were still in town (apparently held over) for an extra 2 days over after the OFC San Frisco meeting, now we see that there were no less than 20 companies that apparently requested an unscheduled impromptu demo on a holiday week (good Friday) after the convention was over. Not only did Lightwave employees not go home but it sounds like a bunch of Tier 1’s and such saw it as important enough to see ASAP. And yes while many on here say that NDA’s do not exist, LOL I’ll bet that not only were NDA’s mandatory but I bet that every demo was “private” by scheduled appointment only and also attended by the various expert employees at Lightwave to get the most bang for the buck.~
Lightwave makes the thing that makes the component better anyone communicating using fiber optics needs it, the entire industry needs it. Think if BASF produces a chemical that makes paint last longer. Why would the paint manufacture tell its competitors what makes their paint so durable. Lightwave is going partner with many and they will simply sell devices that are faster and require less energy, those companies are not going to tell the competition what they do to make that happen. Lightwave will quietly market to the tier1's and they will insist on it in their data centers and devices. The one exception that I see is that if the foundry runs were paid for by Lightwave Logic (vs. say an amazon or facebook etc) Lightwave would do joint public PR of where the industry can order chips with Lightwaves Perkinamine on it (It is called checking the box on the PDK).
The shorting situation will be solved by additional Partnerships and look out when those Partnerships are accompanied by a dividend in a new 3rd party company licensing say the ability to develop the Lidar device market or for the biotech crowd a medical sensing partner, wham short situation solved in short order. Remember that currently they are only talking about Telcom 2km to 10km market but there are so many more.
Currently 1k difference between the buys and sells changed it 1 penny. Folks this is just normal trading without any pressure on the price. This time next week we’ll either be in the lab or in the meeting.
Still trying to digest the effects of T+1 on the shorts especially the foreign exchange rate, Fails To Deliver, Naked shorting etc. it is coming the Tuesday after Memorial Day (Holiday in the U.S., which is the weekend after the Shareholders Meeting), Finra Settlement Date 5/31 which then will mean a trade date of 5/30.
Short Game, Market Maker Game, Institution Game, changing technology
Check it out rainy day so I thought I’d look Punkin “I never said any of those things in that context. I’m just here doing Gods work” https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=174419282 That was in reply to JimJet218’s statement. 1. Couldn't be poled. https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=169035142&txt2
Getting spanked so far today.
submitted by x993231 to LWLG [link] [comments]
"When do you anticipate Lightwave Logic will achieve its first $1 million revenue quarter? What milestones need to be hit to reach that level of quarterly sales?"
"What is the company's plan to become cash flow positive and profitable? When do you expect Lightwave Logic to reach profitability?”
Punkin has come a long way, he used to say that it could never be done, now he keeps falling back, apparently trying to hold the line, lol, now he is asking questions about revenue and dang even invoking God to help humanity as his reason for posting in his credentials. Even if one thinks that they are right that is quite a statement, typically something that a reasonable person keeps to themselves a life's effort is something between them and their creator. I have no idea where this technology will lead or what it will solve, my goal is an investment, certainly not divine, I have no clue in the end who it will truly benefit but the medical thing does have potential.
Today I'm happy with thousands of modulators on a foundry produced wafer. And thousands of modulators from a few ounces of Perkinamine. These modulators Triple the speed, reduce the power and are 1/30 the size of today's modulators. Lebby will fill us in on what we need, he is far more intelligent than anyone on this board.
Read on folks.
Oh and do not forget about those that sold early (or didn’t sell early) that purport to be long and like to consistently complain every single time the price drops. Let me try to explain it this way, this is not a sports game, this is a technology, so unlike sports, points can be literally be taken of the scoreboard by simply borrowing and selling shares (shorts). Remember though that those shares must be purchased back and until then the actual score of the game is not known. So the shorts agenda is to sell it down then try and convince folks to sell them shares at that discounted price. Some longs do not understand that they are helping the shorts at their game. That being said, there are currently 17% more shares sold than exist. They have borrowed those shares and pay interest daily and have sold them to us with the hope of buying them back at a reduced price (Some purported longs even try to help them) apparently, they think that if they complain it will force an NVDA, Microsoft, IBM, Amazon to reach an agreement with Lightwave sooner. Well, it will not change the speed of the adoption of the technology, I’m all for doing a tier1 agreement, but a few quick little agreements could force their hand so the Tier1’s do not have to have to honor those agreements should the company be taken over. Some seam to forget that until now Silicon photonics could keep up, but no more and with AI we just entered a new world, where the pace set by Moore's Law for silicon photonics is leisurely compared to this new demand. AI is totally on a sprint, with its computational power doubling not every two years, but approximately every six months.
Let me look at what the shorts have said over the years basically throwing spaghetti at the wall and have been proven wrong. Patents were filed in 2020, 2021, ALD I think was 2022. Patents were not made public, the shorts were babbling meanwhile Lebby had not only solved it but wrote and submitted patents.
Here are the 10 top B.S. short myths, trying to suppress the stock so they could try and cover I also think that there are a few purported longs that sold prematurely that are now helping to push the shorts game forward, meanwhile with the next deal announcement the dam is about to burst.
I’d love to see Punkin hold a conversation with Lebby one on one for 5 minutes, it would be hilarious,
Shorts and those paid by the shorts to act like they “know something” won't even tell you when they are short, they just say, no not short just here to spend my life 7 days a week helping folks that I have never met. Well, here they are, you tell me guys.
1.) The shorts had worked for months to try and convince investors that Lightwave had a problem poling. Then low and behold Lightwave unveiled 2 patents they submitted years prior solving that issue.
2.) The shorts claimed for years Lightwave could not protect the device in anything other than a gold box, then Lightwave unveiled the ALD patent that they had acquired. Basically, hair spray over the finished chip is all that is needed. The foundries are using the same thing over the electronics side of the chip. Understand that even if someone else invents an EO Polymer Lightwave Owns the Patent on ALD over Polymers. Comprende?
3.) The shorts claimed Lightwaves material was not stable, Wham Bam blown out of the water yet again.
4.) Shorts said that Lightwave could never get this under 1 volt, well Lightwave did, in fact Lightwaves polymer is so sensitive that their modulators can function without the aid of driver to boost the voltage. Basically the electrons in the 1's and 0's rolling off the silicon can embed themselves into the laser using Lightwaves polymer. Oh and by the way, Lightwave also owns the patent on a driverless Polymer Modulator. Even if someone perfects a stable sensitive EO polymer when the want to do direct drive, they have to come knocking on Lightwaves door with cash in hand.
5.) For the 6 months leading up to last years annual shareholder meeting the shorts stated Lightwave could not close a commercial deal all the then like now trying to convince us that the sky was falling and once again Lebby delivered.
6.) For months the shorts said Lightwave could not use anything other than gold on their electrodes, well guess the F what, yup, once again (at the shareholders meeting) Lebby put up a slide of successful foundry runs and when asked by me if the contacts labeled AL on the slide stood for Aluminum Lebby said “yes, we use that any many other materials as well”. I asked about aluminum corrosion, the response was, X (you idiot) that is what the ALD will also protect.
7.) The Shorts were trying to convince longs that the foundry had not made progress on PDK’s, Lebby certainly blew them out of the water on that as well. As info PDK’s are process development kits, it is how the foundries make Lightwaves devices available to the public so when an NVDA’s, Amazon (AWS), Cisco or Fujitsu are designing devices they can check that box and add that to their device in the foundry. 2 weeks ago lebby said the foundries have thousands of modulators per wafer. On question that I need to understand is that with thousands of devices on a wafer how many of those thousands of modulators are affected by the kerf when dicing (sawing or scribing?)
8) The shorts used to say that it couldn’t me done now as you see Pumpkin is asking Yes but “What is the current sales pipeline for Lightwave Logic's polymer modulators? Can you share any details on the size and timing of potential deals with the 20+ major corporations that have viewed the technology demo? When do you anticipate Lightwave Logic will achieve its first $1 million revenue quarter? What milestones need to be hit to reach that level of quarterly sales? What is the company's plan to become cash flow positive and profitable? When do you expect Lightwave Logic to reach profitability?” Lol, Lol and again Lol It sounds like Pumpkin is finally being honest, perhaps it is by divine intervention on his posts
9) As info the institutions now own 26% of the shares, The shorts would have us believe that is irrelevant, wait what?
10) I like this, Ted who also has another ID said that he gets his info from the internet because everything on it is true. When asked why he does not use first-hand information he said that he is not good at reading people, lol and yet he watches every video with baited breath.
I know some do not see it but as evidenced by their latest efforts the shorts are worried and it is obvious that whomever they got their info from was consistently years behind making up issues that had in fact already been solved. I would not want to have been an advisor to the shorts.
Lightwave is finally at the stage where they have the patents in place, moved into additional lab space, hired additional lab personnel for making larger quantities of perkinamine, (a few fluid ounces can make thousands of devices) the new lab will be equipped to test larger quantities of chips coming back from foundries, work on new polymers for additional devices (they even have another polymer available for licensing) produce data sheets, standardize bulk testing, they have even hired a dedicated deal maker, oh also a V.P. dedicated just to working with foundries that are actively running wafers. Now they have added a former Intel deal maker to the board of directors.
Soon this thing will in fact snowball because the industry's "go to" good old silicon photonics has hit the wall it simply cannot run faster. Lightwaves material when added applied to Silicon triples the speed and because it is so sensitive it is 30times smaller and uses 1/10 the power all at a time when AI is pushing the amount of data processed by the data centers through the roof.
~Some of us were wondering why the Lightwave employees were still in town (apparently held over) for an extra 2 days over after the OFC San Frisco meeting, now we see that there were no less than 20 companies that apparently requested an unscheduled impromptu demo on a holiday week (good Friday) after the convention was over. Not only did Lightwave employees not go home but it sounds like a bunch of Tier 1’s and such saw it as important enough to see ASAP. And yes while many on here say that NDA’s do not exist, LOL I’ll bet that not only were NDA’s mandatory but I bet that every demo was “private” by scheduled appointment only and also attended by the various expert employees at Lightwave to get the most bang for the buck.~
Lightwave makes the thing that makes the component better anyone communicating using fiber optics needs it, the entire industry needs it. Think if BASF produces a chemical that makes paint last longer. Why would the paint manufacture tell its competitors what makes their paint so durable. Lightwave is going partner with many and they will simply sell devices that are faster and require less energy, those companies are not going to tell the competition what they do to make that happen. Lightwave will quietly market to the tier1's and they will insist on it in their data centers and devices. The one exception that I see is that if the foundry runs were paid for by Lightwave Logic (vs. say an amazon or facebook etc) Lightwave would do joint public PR of where the industry can order chips with Lightwaves Perkinamine on it (It is called checking the box on the PDK).
The shorting situation will be solved by additional Partnerships and look out when those Partnerships are accompanied by a dividend in a new 3rd party company licensing say the ability to develop the Lidar device market or for the biotech crowd a medical sensing partner, wham short situation solved in short order. Remember that currently they are only talking about Telcom 2km to 10km market but there are so many more.
Currently 1k difference between the buys and sells changed it 1 penny. Folks this is just normal trading without any pressure on the price. This time next week we’ll either be in the lab or in the meeting.
Still trying to digest the effects of T+1 on the shorts especially the foreign exchange rate, Fails To Deliver, Naked shorting etc. it is coming the Tuesday after Memorial Day (Holiday in the U.S., which is the weekend after the Shareholders Meeting), Finra Settlement Date 5/31 which then will mean a trade date of 5/30.
Short Game, Market Maker Game, Institution Game, changing technology
Check it out rainy day so I thought I’d look Punkin “I never said any of those things in that context. I’m just here doing Gods work” https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=174419282 That was in reply to JimJet218’s statement. 1. Couldn't be poled. https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=169035142&txt2
- Needed a gold case. https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=170733222&txt2
- Would never be less than 1 volt. https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_msg.aspx?message_id=144502197&txt2 Pumpkin claims to be doing “Gods Work”.
Getting spanked so far today.
2024.05.15 19:18 fiddlefaddling Does this sound similar to bpd?
Awhile back i made a post about a situation with my friend and a couple commenter's said it sounded similar to the way someone with bpd acts.
I was wondering what you all thought?
I know she can't be diagnosed over the internet. I just love her a lot and I'm so confused by her behavior I guess im searching for any reason to make sense of the situation.
............................................
Awhile back my friend told me her therapist said shes avoidant. I'm not sure if it's more dismissive or fearful but my guess is fearful.
We've always had a slightly tumultuous relationship. & learning she's avoidant made past things make sense. Ive known her for 10+ yrs, both girls. Sometimes we're so close & she's always called me her soul mate. Then (what feels like) out of no where she'll shut down or get distant. Ive learned to give her space after a lot of trial & error. & I especially know now that ive learned some about avoidant attachment.
Anyways she's getting married this year & I'm not sure if she wants me there or just in her feelings or what. I want to support her but am very confused.
A yearish ago she sat me down & semi friend broke up with me saying I make her feel guilty/she doesn't feel like she makes me happy etc. That I didn't have to answer now but to think about if we really make each other happy.
Then she went on a trip with her bf/family, got proposed to, accepted & when she got back asked me to pick them up from the airport. I was surprised but figured this was her quirky way of waving the white flag.
Things seemed okay between us & then she comes over to hang out one day & is in her feelings wanting drink. She ends up clinging to me, crying, telling me she doesn't want to marry her fiance, doesn't want to lose their friends/family if they break up, tells me I'm her soul mate/best friend & feels safe with me. During this time she mentions the avoidant therapy thing.
The following few months, when we meet up she's telling me all the reasons she doesn't want to marry him but also they're in couples therapy etc. Etc. I just listen giving her a space to vent no opinions.
Then I don't see her for a couple months & when I do she's in full wedding planning mode. Again I'm a little surprised & mention something like I'm glad they've worked things out. She just laughs, says what do you mean we were ways getting married everything's great. Like nothing ever happened. I just say congratulations & leave it at that. She asks me to be a bridesmaid, I say of course.
We go on a couple group trips my fiance & her & her fiance + some of their friends. & I can tell after the 2nd one she was withdrawing from me. So I didn't reach out to her for awhile til she did me. We hang a couple times, I thought things were OK. the 3rd time we hang out. We get into a bit of an argument.
She's grilling me about when I'm going to get married/details & I'm trying to tell her i have no details to give her & were not moving at the same pace as her & her guy.
Then she tells me again that I still make her feel guilty & doesn't enjoy when we hang out anymore. But loves me & wants me in her wedding. I'm very confused.
Now I can't help but wonder if I'm just in the wedding party cause she feels guilty/obligated.
At the same time I'm trying to remember that she feels guilty alot. She vented to me about how her fiance & different members of her family make her feel guilty. She feels guilty if she doesn't complete a to do list etc.
So i guess im wondering if this seems like her going through something avoidant related & I should wait it out/give space.
Or if she means what she says, I make her feel guilty & truly doesn't want to be around me anymore. I feel confused & like I shouldn't be in her wedding in that case.
........................................
So that's the current situation. Not mentioned in the story is I know she's always struggled with anxiety, depression, ocd, insomnia/night terrors. She's always had a weird tendency to run away (figuratively & literally) when upset/overwhelmed with emotions. At the same time she is one of the most intelligent/accomplished people I know. She's a perfectionist and sets and accomplishes goals in a way ive always admired.
submitted by fiddlefaddling to BPDlovedones [link] [comments]
I was wondering what you all thought?
I know she can't be diagnosed over the internet. I just love her a lot and I'm so confused by her behavior I guess im searching for any reason to make sense of the situation.
............................................
Awhile back my friend told me her therapist said shes avoidant. I'm not sure if it's more dismissive or fearful but my guess is fearful.
We've always had a slightly tumultuous relationship. & learning she's avoidant made past things make sense. Ive known her for 10+ yrs, both girls. Sometimes we're so close & she's always called me her soul mate. Then (what feels like) out of no where she'll shut down or get distant. Ive learned to give her space after a lot of trial & error. & I especially know now that ive learned some about avoidant attachment.
Anyways she's getting married this year & I'm not sure if she wants me there or just in her feelings or what. I want to support her but am very confused.
A yearish ago she sat me down & semi friend broke up with me saying I make her feel guilty/she doesn't feel like she makes me happy etc. That I didn't have to answer now but to think about if we really make each other happy.
Then she went on a trip with her bf/family, got proposed to, accepted & when she got back asked me to pick them up from the airport. I was surprised but figured this was her quirky way of waving the white flag.
Things seemed okay between us & then she comes over to hang out one day & is in her feelings wanting drink. She ends up clinging to me, crying, telling me she doesn't want to marry her fiance, doesn't want to lose their friends/family if they break up, tells me I'm her soul mate/best friend & feels safe with me. During this time she mentions the avoidant therapy thing.
The following few months, when we meet up she's telling me all the reasons she doesn't want to marry him but also they're in couples therapy etc. Etc. I just listen giving her a space to vent no opinions.
Then I don't see her for a couple months & when I do she's in full wedding planning mode. Again I'm a little surprised & mention something like I'm glad they've worked things out. She just laughs, says what do you mean we were ways getting married everything's great. Like nothing ever happened. I just say congratulations & leave it at that. She asks me to be a bridesmaid, I say of course.
We go on a couple group trips my fiance & her & her fiance + some of their friends. & I can tell after the 2nd one she was withdrawing from me. So I didn't reach out to her for awhile til she did me. We hang a couple times, I thought things were OK. the 3rd time we hang out. We get into a bit of an argument.
She's grilling me about when I'm going to get married/details & I'm trying to tell her i have no details to give her & were not moving at the same pace as her & her guy.
Then she tells me again that I still make her feel guilty & doesn't enjoy when we hang out anymore. But loves me & wants me in her wedding. I'm very confused.
Now I can't help but wonder if I'm just in the wedding party cause she feels guilty/obligated.
At the same time I'm trying to remember that she feels guilty alot. She vented to me about how her fiance & different members of her family make her feel guilty. She feels guilty if she doesn't complete a to do list etc.
So i guess im wondering if this seems like her going through something avoidant related & I should wait it out/give space.
Or if she means what she says, I make her feel guilty & truly doesn't want to be around me anymore. I feel confused & like I shouldn't be in her wedding in that case.
........................................
So that's the current situation. Not mentioned in the story is I know she's always struggled with anxiety, depression, ocd, insomnia/night terrors. She's always had a weird tendency to run away (figuratively & literally) when upset/overwhelmed with emotions. At the same time she is one of the most intelligent/accomplished people I know. She's a perfectionist and sets and accomplishes goals in a way ive always admired.
2024.05.15 19:18 typicalspicycouple Will I be broken forever? Does love like this fade away?
Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.
submitted by typicalspicycouple to BreakUp [link] [comments]
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.