Love letters to my boyfriend in jail

My (28F) longtime boyfriend (28M) has been together for 7years. Sa mga taong yun may mga kapilyuhan naman syang nagawa na napatawad ko kase hindi ko naman sya nahuling nakipagsex or halikan sa iba. He’s fine and mabait naman, princess treatment madalas tas malambing pero hindi ko maiwasang makafeel na may ginagawa nanaman syang sneaky links behind my back. We’re no longer sharing socmed pws and we no longer each other’s phones (para sa peace of mind ko narin). Alam ko namang mahal nya ako at kahit paaano naoopen nya narin naman na ako yung pakakasalan nya “kuno” however, I know na hindi ako ang type nya and his ideal girl, we’re never each other’s ideal partner pero nagagawa parin namin bumalik sa isat-isa at ipagpatuloy tong relationship namin. Until now I never met his family in person kase nahihiya rin ako, I’m a single mom before kami magkakilala, i know for a fact na his parents will not like me at hindi narin naman nya naopen na gusto nya akong ipakilala sakanila. Reason nya is, iba daw kase yung parents nya which I understand. I love him, and I can do anything for him but…hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Nag babalak akong umalis ng bansa to find myself and earn more than what Im earning here in PH but I don’t wanna leave him, kase alam kong ayaw nya rin akong umalis pero hindi ako makapagdrcide kase I feel like na pag may nagpakita nanaman ng motibo at bigyan nanaman sya ng attention ng babaeng ideal para sakanya is magiging option nanaman ako sa paningin nya.
Nangyare na pala to dati which leads our relationship to an end for almost 4months, I started talking to some guy coz he broke up with me and I agreed. Sinagot ko yung guy coz I wanna divert my attention (mali, alam ko), pero the moment na nag IR kami nong guy bigla syang nagparamdam and begged me to take him back, he explained his side and I listened. He explained na nabigla lang daw sya attention since nagkapandemic and dun lang daw sya uli nakameet ng mga bagong “friends”. Take note, I knew the girls (yes, plural) kase nameet ko na yung isa and I saw how he took care of her, how he makes sure that she is safe and is doing fine. Akala nya nag CR lang ako pero hindi, andun ako sa gilid watching them.
Going back, eto yung ayaw ko uling maramdaman, and ayaw ko uli maranasan but I don’t wanna go to another country kung willing na syang mag next step sa relasyon namin.
Idk what to do.

Xpost from relationship_advice, looking for opinions.
we've been together just over 10 months. Over that time some odd things have happened which made me question my trust in her and I like her but have been slightly wary of her since. I've been staying with her at her apartment for the past couple months or so and lately nothing too weird has happened and she seemed to be much better overall. But she recently asked if I wanted to move in and I just felt like I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment at this point as I was still trying to regain her trust and wasn't fully over some of the stuff that happened, and so I ended things. She is completely heartbroken, says she's in love with me and wants me in her life. And I question whether I made the right choice and whether I overreacted to some of the stuff the has happened.
I wanted to write out all the situations but the post got way too long too quick. But one of the bigger incidents was once (before I was staying there consistently) we were texting throughout the day and then suddenly she stopped replying, And I didn't hear from her for the rest of the day. I tried again the next morning and then finally she replied that afternoon but it was a very short response that's very unlike her. Then that night she texted saying a guy had gotten stabbed outside of her apartment while trying to help her with something. So she brought him up to her apt and tended to his wounds and had him stay the night there (she says he stayed out on the couch). I didn't know what was going on and was a little bit angry as well and then she called me. She acted like it was no big deal but she could tell in my voice I was not in a good mood (I was trying to figure out what was happening) and she said I was being rude and hung up on me, and also said the guy had left.
She called again moments later (or I did I can't remember) and there was some guy talking in the background who I thought was one of her roommates but she said it was the guy. I said "I thought he left," she said "he came back." I didn't know what to say and then she's like "ooooh you got real quiet" in a mocking type way. The guy is super drunk and she's pretty drunk too I think. They were both being a little disrespectful to me and he mentioned how they played cards together the night before (something that was a thing her and I had started doing together recently which I really enjoyed) and they mentioned they were going to play a game this night too. He was telling jokes and in one of them mentioned the town and street I live on which was really weird. Also mentioned at one point that his son or sons came over as well (I think to check on him but also it sounded like they hung out for a bit too).
It seemed like he was going to stay the night again. I didn't know what to do but my instincts were going wild and while it was late and I had to go to work early and it's like a 35 min drive to where she lives, I said I was coming. We also facetimed and the dude was chilling laying back on her bed. I stayed on the phone the whole way there. Once I said I was coming she got a little quiet and the guy started acting nervous and at one point said "you didn't mention you had a boyfriend" (she says she did mention it) and "at least we didn't have sex". He kept saying he's got to go but she said stay and meet my boyfriend. I get there and they're in her room with beer cans and tobacco everywhere and then he leaves. She said to him "you can stay but we are taking the bed," (she may have said "room" but I'm pretty sure she said bed) which shouldn't that go unmentioned?? Once he was gone she's like "are you breaking up with me?" I wanted to in that moment but I pictured her just calling up that guy and having him come back if I did right then plus I was still in shock as to what just happened so said "no."
We talked a little about it in the following days and she knew I was not happy with what happened but we didn't have any huge in-depth discussion about it. Since that day she makes random comments here and there like "you're the only guy I want in my room," or "you're the only guy who would be anywhere near my bed" little comments like that in conversation.
There was a point where she was trying to get off of a certain medication, without a doctors help and was struggling with it big time and acting extra crazy due to it and I can't remember if this was during that time or not, but either way it's a bit messed up right? And even though she's been way better lately, I can't help but still be disgusted by this.
There are a few more incidents in the past I'd like to share but this one's probably the worst. And it's too bad because she seems to have changed for the better lately now that she's getting proper medication and whatnot from a doctor but not enough time has passed to where I have regained my trust on her and not think of incidents like this.
TLDR: My girlfriend wanted me to move in and despite feeling a strong connection at times, I ended things because of past incidents which I haven't fully regained trust in her yet from.

Hi all, my boyfriend recently moved in (April 20th) and we each have three cats… so now a six cat household (all fixed males). His cats had the upstairs for a few days with all amenities and my cats had the basement with all the amenities. Then we slowly did introductions. They had some little tiffs here and there but generally became fairly comfortable. Just yesterday (May 12) one of the orange boys started spraying on furniture and curtains. He loves to go outside so we do supervised garden time often that he loves. But he’s often at the door asking to go out. I’m not sure if it’s a dominance thing or behavior because we don’t let him out enough in his opinion? But the main thing is we want to figure out how to resolve this so he can stay in the house and not keep spraying! Any advice is very welcome!

My boyfriend and I have had our cat (Nemo male orange tabby) since he was 4 months old and he just turned 3 last month. For the first 2 years we had him we lived in 2 different apartments, this past August we moved in with my boyfriends parents (we lived here before Nemo) which is a much bigger area. All was fine up until probably 2/3 months ago… (some background info, we kee Nemo contained in our area (which is actually the size of our last apartment we lived in) just at night time for a few reasons.) he has started meowing incessantly starting meowing usually starting around 3-4 in the morning. It’s very frustrating as we both have to be up early for work in the mornings. We both love Nemo and will do anything to help him 🤍 I have also posted on a cat behavior Facebook page and tonight we will be trying the Feline diffuser as well as some calming treats which we tested out earlier the evening to test out before bedtime. Thank you to anyone that can offer any advice or even share a similar experience and how you got through it!

Context: I met a girl 2 years ago and we connected. First were were friends for a while, then were were in a poly relationship and then friends with benefits. Before that school year was over we agreed that be both needed to heal and decided to go out own ways so we could heal. At the beginning of the next school year, I wrote a heartfelt letter saying that I wanted to reconnect. That was at the beginning of this school year. We got along well for months. Until last Thursday where I said their boyfriend is lazy and unreliable because he does nothing in class. Because of my jealousy, which I admitted to, she ended the friendship. I was devastated because I was very emotionally invested in them and I helped them with their feelings. However last night they contacted me because I asked a friend to ask how they were feeling about me. I told this friend "I'm basically asking you to spy on them". My friend told her that and this triggered their PTSD from a past relationship. I made it clear that all I wanted was to know how they were moving on. But they still got upset and said things that stabbed me in the heart. How/what should I do to move on?

So I’m diagnosed with ADHD, and like us all my adderall does not work before my period. I just started adderall 10mg XR twice a day, 3 months ago. It’s been amazing other than this time of the month. I’m currently in luteal, my period is like 3 days late and I’m suffering.
Before adderall I’ve always noticed extreme PMS symptoms, but I always wrote it off as being normal. But I would vent to my sister and my mom about it, they’d see me burst into tears over NOTHING and I’d be like “oh, I’m just PMS’ing.” And they’d go ”that’s not normal though…”
During luteal I:
-Cry over nothing. Literally. I’ll just ball up on the couch and feel like a baby. I’ll bawl my eyes out just because I feel like a baby for no reason lol.
-Have really bad RSD. Today I asked my boyfriend to hang out and he apologized and said he wanted to stay home after work. I was so unreasonably upset, and this happens every. Month. That’s one of my telltale signs that my period is arriving.
-Get reaaaally depressed. Today I just felt so down and apathetic. Nothing gives me joy this time of the month. Every single month when I PMS, I feel so apathetic and bored that I consider antidepressants because life feels so dark. Then by like mid-period/when my period ends, the heaviness and depression is gone and I enjoy things again.
-Sore boobs. Anytime I’m worried if my period is on its way, I jiggle my boobs and if they’re extremely sore, I know it’s on its way lol.
-Extreme hunger, and sometimes jait a strong craving for unhealthy comfort foods.
-ADHD is so much worse. Like I said, adderall barely does shit during this time. It’ll work a little bit but maybe only for like 2 hours. Once it wears off I forget if I ever even took it. The lack of focus is insane.
-Bloating. Oh god the bloating.
I also experience slightly irregular periods but nothing too crazy. My cycle is normally 25-27 days. But some months my period can be like 7 days early or late.
Anyway. That’s all to say, I suspect I may have pmdd. At the very least, I feel like my pms is not normal especially hearing my sister and friends experiences with pms. I feel like mine is more extreme…and I’m considering birth control again. I also loved the peace of mind being on birth control when it comes to pregnancy. Right now my bf and I use condoms + pullout (ALWAYS both, never one or the other), so I’d love to have the freedom to not use condoms anymore.
What are y’all’s experiences on the pill? I’ve tried a few different brands, all combo pills. One in particular, I think it was Junel fe, actually worked so well. But this was years ago, I don’t remember specifics but I remember being really happy this time of my life. But some combo pills were hell…
For those of you that take bc pills, what kinds work for you? Should I take a mini pill and avoid estrogen, or does estrogen help? I’m going to talk to a doctor soon but I’d like to just hear others experiences first-hand.
I’m also against trying an IUD because I’m a scaredy cat lol, so I’m really only open to pills at this time. Would just love to hear others experiences out of curiosity.
Thanks!

Honestly I’m not sure if we’re done for good or we’ll build another bridge together. Is it more hurtful for me to hope more for the latter than the former?
I know you’ll never see my words and that’s fine. Talking to you directly brings back all of our memories, and I know I won’t be satisfied unless you came back around. So, here’s this letter. I’m screaming into a void.
Why did you let me walk away? Why did you promise me all of these special things? If you really knew me then you would’ve known I don’t take things people say lightly — especially when it comes to things I care about (companionship, family, connection).
I wonder if you actually meant it or if you were carried away with emotion until you really started to get to know me. I almost wish you hate me, or even disliked me, because then this would be easier to get over. No, instead we had something good. Better than good, for me anyway. It’s truly so hard for me to move on — how can anyway move on from something I actually want?
I only feel 5% pissed off. I’m pissed that you were rather selfish. You were so terrible with timing. I’m doubting if you were ever ready for a serious relationship (I’m always a serious person, most are not). I’m pissed that you didn’t actually make it to my graduation, or even waited until after finals to inform me of this drastic change. I got a C+ in a class that I deserved at least a B in. I gave up in all of my responsibilities the last few weeks of school, and I needed to learn how to take care of myself again. I’m pissed that you forced me to pull the trigger when I absolutely hate stuff like that. I don’t like walking away, especially if it was something I believed in.
Did you actually love me, or did you love the idea of me? Was I just filling a hole that cannot be satisfied? Was I just a stand in — since this only lasted until the end of the school year?
God, I hate you (but I know I don’t really). I hate that I love you so much. I hate that my heart is so big and sensitive because then I hurt more easily. There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s just how it is, and how I am. I’m always ride or die, and loyal until I’m forced to not be.

My poor late boyfriend's evil older sister, "Queenie" (as she likes to be called🤮). I've posted about her here before.
She would get on some raging jag and send him texts, FB messages, call his cell phone and his house phone, berating him, or telling him how terrible her life is, or going off on how she's glad their other sister died or his wife died or... (Have you seen Baby Reindeer? Like that.)
I told him to block her. He couldn't. He needed to know what she was saying, and what she was saying about him on social media. She said some awful, mean-spirited things.
He felt he always had to keep track of her. She fed him lies and drugs. When she had an up day, she'd write some beautiful letter praising him for being the best brother ever, and giving him suboxones or whatever other drugs she had on hand.
Their sister (who took her own life in 2016) used to put flyers up all over town about how horrible of a person he was.
He truly wasn't a bad person. He had so much goodness and love that he just couldn't see, due to all the trauma...
At some point in the past few years, he stopped using social media as much, but still wanted to know what Queenie was up to. I made an extra account and have been tracking her and other unsavory family members for him. For several years.
I have screenshots that would make anyone go blind with rage.
My boyfriend, the absolute love of my life, my favorite, died at the beginning of February. Alcohol and drugs. Both things that Queenie introduced him to at an early early age.
When he died, she posted a happy video of herself and her family laughing it up at karaoke. Days after the funeral, she posted about how sad she is that she's the only one left alive in her family, and how she had to walk away because he didn't want to be loved and saved.
She made no effort to love him, ever. She made no effort to save him. She took out a restraining order against him and took him to court multiple times in the last couple years.
When he was at his lowest, drinking and having seizures in his house, she sent police to do wellness checks on him constantly.
This is not love. This is abuse.
And now. I can't stop tracking her.
Her house is up for tax sale at the end of the month because she didn't pay property taxes or her utility bills for the last two YEARS.
Today, she posts that the Universe gave her some "fun money" and she was going to have a blowout anniversary.
The taxes, Queenie.
But then says that her plumbing is fucked and she has to pay Roto-Rooter to come out.....
I... I need to get away from this. I don't know how. I don't even live there anymore.
But I have a righteous anger against her. I am writing what I want about her here and on tumblr, and even mentioning on my tiktok how her actions his entire life ended up killing my boyfriend.
I wish Karma would just SMITE her.
How do I get away? I know I could just ignore and forget, but I am still protective of my boyfriend's adult children too.... I don't want her to somehow ruin their lives....

I had my first serious non-toxic relationship after my first boyfriend from college. I was with a woman for the first time and we did so many things together that changed my outlook on relationships and how I navigate them today. I met her parents, went to siblings graduations, and to her gallery openings. We shared food, laughter, and lots of love. We even had a garden together and honestly I had nothing grow in it after we separated. We broke up because this is gonna sound stupid but I really wanted to try exotic dancing. She thought I was gonna end up like the girls in the Zola movie lol.. spoiler I did. I’m a 6 figure sw now and I think often about how my life would be different if I just didn’t strip. It changed everything for me and losing a person I loved due to being stubborn was a hard pill for me to swallow. I often think about reaching out to them but idk 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’m a mid 30’s gay man in a large city in the US. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and I love him very much. He’s a little younger than me and very attractive and outgoing. Because of this, he’s pretty popular and well liked in the gay community here. I’ve been told that I’m also good looking and am well liked but I am older and more introverted. It takes longer for people to get to know me.
I’ve always struggled with self confidence and making new friends (see growing up gay Christian in the south) but my boyfriend has always been extremely confident. Lately, I’ve been dealing with a lot of feelings of jealousy and insecurity because people seem to always like him more than they like me. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to him and I try not to but sometimes I can’t help it.
Most recently, someone who started out as an acquaintance/friend of both of ours has quickly become one of my boyfriend’s best friends. They text a lot and hang without me every few weeks. Sometimes I’m invited but a lot times not. Usually it’s the new friend, not my BF initiating these hangouts without me. I can’t help but feel left out or rejected because I was his friend too initially. It’s not that I am desperate to be his friend but it just stings to feel like I wasn’t fun or cool enough and see him become closer to my boyfriend. It brings up a lot of deep rooted feelings of inadequacy from being closeted for so long (late bloomer).
I should clarify that I trust my bf and don’t think there’s anything shady happening behind my back. I also fully support him having his own independent friends. For some reason this situation has been eating at me.
My question is 3 parts
A. Guys whose partners are more outgoing and attractive, do you have any advice on how to deal with feeling inadequate or jealous of all the attention they receive?
B. Am I being crazy for letting this new friendship and perceived rejection get to me?
C. Any general advice or insight for navigating new friendships in the context of a gay relationship. I feel like it’s not often talked about that making new friends as a gay couple can be tricky. For hetero couples, it’s usually assumed that each person in the relationship will befriend people of the same gender. For gays, it can feel weird if one person decides to befriend one guy and not the other. Maybe it’s just me!
If you read all of that thank you! I know it’s a long rant

It is a man, old and scraggy. He wears a jacket that lays over the red plaid button shirt and blue jeans. He wears an old baseball cap and a pair of glasses. He yelled something to Dad, holding his hands up like he was pleading, although we couldn’t hear it over the truck engine. They talked, but we couldn’t hear what they were saying.
“Hey, what are they saying”, I asked, while petting Matt’s hair, calming him. The old man then put his hands down and came close to Dad in a cautious way. They seem to start having some kind of conversation.
“I don’t really know, hopefully, something good”, Mom answered. They talked for a little while, with daylight beginning to disappear, giving us a sense of dread, and making me more worried about what weird creature was going to show up. Eventually, the old man turned and pointed toward what I think is the northeast. They then shook hands and walked back to their respective vehicles. “What’s going on”, Mom asked as Dad got into the truck.
“Well, our new friend here invited us to dinner at his farm”, Dad replied.
“Does he have supplies?”
“Well, he says has supplies for us to make the journey.”
“Should we even trust him? We just met h-”
“Relax, he’s just an old man, living alone at his farm, feeding his cows. What could go wrong”, Dad countered. The old man then entered the truck that was running and drove slowly, expecting us to follow him.
“Alrighty then, but we have to be cautious”, Mom said, with her suspicions of the old man. We then followed the old truck along the dark, frozen road. It just feels like something is going to show up along the road, but nothing happened. Matt did eventually stop crying, but he is still upset about the Joe escape thing.
“Where are we going”, Matt lamented, with the prior series of events in mind.
“I guess somebody is offering us dinner”, I answered.
“Why can’t we just go home?”
“It’s only going to be a stop, like a hotel. After that, we go to our new home, I guess”, I said, taking another look at Matt and cradling to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay.” I stared out into the darkness. I looked to the sky from the window and I faintly saw something in the clear, dark sky, lit up by the waning moon. They were brilliant, green auroras that defy the bright moon, dancing across the sky like ribbons in the wind. The truck eventually took a right-hand turn into another road, with us following suit. I can see a bright, orange light emerging from a patch of tree. When we passed by, it seemed it was a house, at a farm, burning in a massive flame.
“I guess those people aren’t so, uh, lucky”, Dad said, taking a quick look at it before looking at the road. Passing by, we went on and continued to follow the old man’s truck. We passed onto another intersection until he turned into a driveway to what I believe to be his farm. Going into the driveway, I can see an old house, along with a dilapidated farm further away, barely visible by the headlights. The old man parked by the house, where there were a few other trucks there. We parked alongside the truck and we got out into the cold, near-silent night.
“Welcome to sanctuary, where all are welcome”, the old man bellowed. This is the first time I’ve heard his voice. Matt was the last to get out of the truck, slowly and clumsily climbing out of the truck.
“What’s your name”, my Mom politely asked the old man.
“Oh, I guess your husband didn’t tell ya. My name is Steven, but you can call me Steve”, the old man said, with some crackling in his voice. “I am very proud to host a dinner for you and your family”, he continued. “What’s your name, ma’am?”
“Oh, my name is Janice”, Mom replied, quite pleased at his politeness.
“Hello, Janice, and what are their names”, Steven asked, pointing to me and Matt.
“That’s my daughter Kate and my son Matt”, Dad said to Mom.
“Oh, what wonderful names for a couple of beautiful children you have”, Steve grinned. “Come, it is dangerous out here.” We followed him to the house, which looked like it had seen better days. He entered through the double-set door, the first a solid door and a screen door behind. Entering the house, it smelled like what you’d expect, old man. Looking onto the floor is made of glossy wood and walls with cracks, likely caused by the earthquake. It is dark in there, lit by candlelight from many candles, yet it’s fairly warm here. I don’t know why we went into the house, but Dad was right, Steve is just a lonely, old man. Matter of fact, there seems to be nothing wrong here, other than the cracks in the walls. “Sorry, the power went out. Had to resort to the candles. I knew my wife would come in handy”, Steve explained as he took his coat off. “Oh, supper will be ready right away. Had to use the fireplace to cook. Also, can you take your boots off?” We took our boots and set them aside. We went into what seemed to be a living room, with dusty old-style furniture.
“So, where do we sit”, Mom asked.
“Oh, well, follow me”, Steve commanded, leading us to the dining room, with a long, wooden table and six wooden chairs, along with their corresponding old-fashioned plates, glasses and cutlery, lit up in the candlelight. We noticed that everything on the table was covered in a thin veil of dust. “My apologies, the recent shocks dropped a bit of dust on the table”, he explained as he noticed us looking at the plates and moved into another room nearby. “Take your seats if you like.” We all settled onto the chairs, and blew off our plates of the dust settled there.
“When will we eat”, Matt impatiently said.
“Once Steve comes out with the food”, Mom answered. Matt sat there with a tired look on his face. Dad seemed to be in a better mood than before and it looked like he wanted to start a conversation.
“Hey, should we talk about something”, Dad asked. I then see Steve with a bowl and a silver plate.
“Here we go, may not be much, but at least it’ll fulfil the soul”, Steve said, smiling when he served us mashed potatoes and meatloaf. “So, shall we pray?” That came unexpectedly, as we are not too religious, but we were in his house and gave us shelter and food.
“Sure, we can do that”, Mom said and we all bowed our heads and put our hands together. Steve cleared his throat
“Thank you, Lord, for this good food to feed the soul in these hard times. I shall pray, in the name of the Lord and Jesus Christ, that these hard times shall be over, so we can get on with our lives. Amen.” We raised our heads and grabbed whatever food there was onto our plates. “Oh, there’s no gravy, so we have to deal with bare potaters and meatloaf.”
“Oh, not to worry. Thank you for the food”, Dad thanked Steve. We began to eat the food once we got it sorted.
“So, what brings you here”, Steve asked.
“Well, there is an evacuation order in effect for this area, so we had to go to Regina”, Dad explained, with Steve taking in every word. “So, we came from Strasbourg, we tried going south towards Regina, but we hit an obstacle in the way and we had to take another route, leading us here.”
“And we encountered a few odd things along the way”, Mom added.
“Huh, interesting. What do you guys think is going on”, Steve inquired.
“By the things we saw, we have no idea. Dinosaurs, devil dogs, hell pigs, the whole deal. I shouldn’t forget the earthquake. They told us a pipeline leak caused by the earthquake”, Dad clarified to Steve.
“Hmm… is that so”, Steve wondered. “Wonder what I think is happening? The Rapture is happening. Do you know how the Bible tells us of the end times? Good people sent to be with God and his kingdom, the rest here to suffer the Hell unleashed by Satan.” By this point, he was beginning to rant, but we couldn't stop it as we all began to feel tired and powerless. “So, the Devil will send his demons in the form of these illusions so that they can torment the sinners. It is happening, it is-” Steve manically continued as I drew towards blackness and his voice becoming less coherent. My vision is now all black.
I saw those same lights, but more rapidly than before. I then emerged onto the same clear sky, but something felt different. I can smell something in the air. I can smell what seems to be chemicals in the air. Looking down, I was terrified. Dark, grey rock in the shape of ropes and folds, similar to those I saw of lava flows on a volcano in pictures. This went on as far as the eye could see. I can see no tree this time, just the cooled lava everywhere. I then walked, feeling every bump and crag. I thought I walked forever until I heard a rumbling sound and woke up.
I am in total darkness. It is cold and it smells like cow manure. I tried to move my hand, but it seemed to be bonded behind my back by a rope. I tried to move my feet, but they were also bound by rope to the legs I tried to speak, only to realise my mouth was agape by a cloth in my mouth. I heard shuffling nearby but I could not see. It was then shone in light when Steve entered the door, holding a candle, revealing all of us in the same situation. I then can see what we are in. We are in that same wooden dilapidated barn we saw earlier and seems to be more damaged than the house, wood creaking can be heard.
“These sedatives are more effective than I thought. Maybe I should use them more often”, Steve smoothly explained, like he’s some kind of agent and began pacing. “Wonder why you are here? Well, I wondered the same thing to myself, why didn’t God take me to his heaven? When I first heard of the government telling us of those evacuation plans, I thought it was that, a leaking pipe. I began to notice things I couldn’t believe myself, at least at first. Earthquakes, weird creatures showing up, people disappearing, the whole spiel. I connected the dots. The Rapture is happening, for sure, but why me? Why was I the one left here on this Earth”, Steve calmly ranted, pacing around the barn, but it seemed to sound crazier and angrier the more he paced. “I thought I had lost my way. I’ve been unfaithful to God and his son. But, I realised that God always has a plan and he left me on this Earth to serve a purpose. I wondered what my purpose was until I had a moment.” He then stopped in place and calmed down. He turned to look at Mom with accusing yet crazed eyes.
“I’m supposed to keep the sinners here in line, to earn a place in God’s kingdom, or suffer in Hell. I know you are a sweet woman, Janice, but your treachery with Satan is over and I am going to do what’s right.” Mom then looked at all of us, with assuring eyes like that of an innocent yet caring mother we all know knew. I began crying and trying to speak through the cloth, but I was helpless to watch by. “Forgive me, Father, for what I am going to do.” He then pulled a knife from his pocket and plunged it into Mom’s neck with no mercy. I looked away once he did that, trembling, with tears pouring out and my vision glazed and I fell limp. I could see my brother tearing up, but he did not look away. I can hear Dad behind me, with his screams of agony and anger covered by the cloth. It felt like I was in slow motion, taking in every moment.
I then heard the chair, screeching as Steve dragged the chair containing Mom’s lifeless body towards the door, leaving behind a trail of blood. I couldn’t bear to see my mother like this. I shut my eyes very hard and hoped it would go away. The door then shut, leaving us alone with a candle, fearing what would come next. I stared at the candle, seeing it dance in the flames like a woman dancing in the darkness. Is this how it’ll end, I thought. End up dying to this sick man? My Mom was killed in front of me. I sobbed with that thought, then I began to think about the inevitable death of me. I hope there’s something after I die. Maybe I’ll see Mom again.
It was silent for a while, nearly no sound other than our moans. Dad seems to be fidgeting at the back of his chair, rocking it slowly. Looking past him, I shuddered at the glistening pool of blood, where Mom was last alive, could be my fate. I then see Dad release his arms from the back of the chair and remove the cloth from his mouth. He silently stood up and bent down to untie his legs from the chair legs. He then went to me and removed my cloth.
“H-h-how did you do that”, I silently wept, fearing that Steve would show up at the door and kill us all.
“My binding is loose. The old man probably took a liking to me”, Dad whispered. “I should remove your binds.” He untied them, releasing me, doing the same for Matt. “Now, we need to be quiet.” We then walked, quietly, along the painfully creaking wood in the near dark, following the blood trail, glistening in the candlelight. We cringed and dreaded each sound we made and watched the door in case it began to creak open. A few silent steps later, we made it to the door and we slowly opened it so as not to make any noise. What was revealed to us is nothing new, other than the blood trail continuing in the snow directing towards the back of the barn. “Okay, Kate, Matt, you guys run to the truck.”
“What about you”, I sobbed.
“Don’t worry about me”, Dad responded, giving me his keys and forcing them into my hand. “If I’m not back in a few minutes, leave. Don’t look back, take care of your brother, okay? I love you, no matter what happens.” He then kissed me on the head and ran to follow the blood trail. We quickly walked towards the black truck, stranded there for maybe hours. Getting closer, freedom is getting closer. When we got to a fair distance to the truck, I heard footsteps behind me and, the next thing I knew, I was knocked over to the ground into the hard snow on my face. A hand turned me over to give me a glimpse of a crazed Steve, his eyes wilder than before.
“Oh, yes, trying to escape”, he bragged. I looked at him, frozen in fear, like a deer in headlights and he caressed my face with his bloodied blade. “You do have a pretty face, but I’m afraid you are just one of Satan's creations, made to pull me to lust.” He then raised his knife in the air when a familiar side emerged, out of the blue.
Joe came and bit him in the arm that was holding the knife. Steve screamed in agony the moment he realised what happened. He shook Joe off and stood up to stand his ground. I stood up as Joe hissed and walked around the crazed being he wounded, not in fear but in aggressiveness. “Is this one of your pets, demon”, Steve screamed as Joe came in for another attack, but Steve countered that with a slash to the snout. Joe then ran away, whining, into the darkness. This sequence of events gave me the chance to enter the truck on the driver’s side. I had some trouble starting it, besides this is my first time driving a truck.
Steve menacelily walked towards the when Dad came barreling and tackled him to the ground. Dad was on top when he went limp. I finally put the keys in the engine turned it on and backed out, with memory serving me the instructions on such a vehicle. Steve pushed Dad’s body and stood up, but by that time, we left the farm.
“Turn back, we have to get Dad”, Matt cried, but I was very emotional, accepting what happened. I felt that, without my parents, I feel… useless.
“Dad’s dead”, I screamed at Matt and he began gagging uncontrollably in tears. I began to feel sorry for him. “Sorry, I, I don’t know.”
“It’s okay”, Matt sniffled. “I guess Mom and Dad are dead anyways.” It was silence for a few more minutes, tears welling in our eyes.
“Hey, our parents are in a better place”, I said, trying to make the situation positive.
“But we are stuck here, without them? Don’t we deserve to go to a better place?”
“Don’t say that”, I huffed and I paused for a bit. “I know we are in the, uh, right place now. Let me tell you something, once we get to Regina, I will take care of you, no matter what life throws at us.”
“What about Joe”, Matt asked.
“He’ll be fine. He probably found his girlfriend already.”
“Hey, don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“I, uh, I don’t have one. That I know of”, I spoke, bringing me back to Sam, remembering that she’s the only friend that I ever knew, and I left her. Without her, I felt alone, no one would ever relate. I began to tear up. “I don’t have any friends. I am alone,” I sobbed.
“What do you mean? I’m your brother!” I looked at Matt, and smiled, happy that he acknowledged that we were in this together.
“Thank you”, I thanked him. I slowly stopped on the road, just to hug Matt hard, crying my eyes out. We then heard what sounded like an elephant in front of us. We looked up to see a walking snow-covered brown fur wall with four pillar-like legs in front of us. Its curved tusks gleaned in the light and the eyes reflected in the light. The furry trunk waved around like a searching snake from a tree. We both knew what it was.
“Hey, look at that, a woolly mammoth”, Matt said, excitement running through him. At this point, we weren’t surprised.
“Yep, that is a woolly mammoth”, I added. The mammoth turned to us on the road, seemingly confused about where it was. It looked at our truck and seemed to growl, like an elephant. We are starting to realise this thing is becoming aggressive.
“Uh, should we move”, Matt asked. I remembered hearing something about standing your ground in case of an encounter with an elephant. I hoped it would work for a bigger, furrier version of one.
“No, we have to stand our ground.”
“But, it’ll attack u-”
“Trust me!” I then honked my horn and it backed up. It then rushed, then stopped, a mock charge. Eventually, it moved out of the road, disappearing into the darkness. We sighed in relief.
“That was close”, Matt sighed. I then continued to drive in the night, headlights leading the way. The road is bumpy, as noticed by every ditch and peak we hit, but surprisingly, Matt was fast asleep. I began to get comfortable driving and used to the road by that point. It was silent for a while until we hit a smaller intersection. That is when the truck shut down, completely and stopped. I tried the gas many times but with no effect. There is no light, nothing. It is near-darkness here, shone only by the moonlight.
“Shit”, I yelled, desperate to turn the truck on without much success. Matt woke up, confused.
“What happened”, he yawned.
“The truck turned itself off. I can’t get it back on”, I fretted and at that moment, Matt was just as panicked as I am.
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know. One moment, we were driving, another it just-”, I quavered, when I heard something rustle in the distance. We stood still, hoping whatever it was didn’t find us. I looked around, hoping to see something in the moonlight. I then see a long, walking animal. It looked like some sort of alligator at first, except for a dinosaur-like head. Once I strained my eyes to the darkness, my fear levels rose as I could see it walk on its hind limbs, with its forelimbs dangling nearly touching the ground.
It was wandering around on the road when I heard a near-crocodilian growl at Matt’s side of the truck. Another of those creatures appeared, seemingly looking into the window like a hungry bear, giving us a chance to see its scaly head. Its exposed alligator teeth gleaned in the light like knives, but more terrifying was the eye. Its serpentine pupil shone brilliantly in the light like eyes in the dark. It then ducked down, gave a hiss, and moved towards the other one. A few more showed up and formed a group.
“What should we do”, Matt asked. “Should we stay?” I looked around, hoping for another way to escape them without them noticing. I further strained my eyes and mentally mapped out the area. There is a cemetery on my right-hand side, a grain bin storage yard on my left and a series of trailers on the other side of the highway, which is ahead of us, from the storage area. There, I see a series of white, storage buildings, something we can go to and wait it out inside.
“Okay, so slowly open the door”, I instructed Matt. The click of the doors opening cringed us. We looked at the group, but there was no response from them. We then, as slowly as we could, opened the door and stepped out. Still no response. Matt then quietly ran to the other side, towards me. “Okay, we are going into the storage yard and go to the other entrance”, I said, pointing to the other right-hand corner. I wanted to get as far away from these things as possible before making a safe crossing. “Then, we cross the highway on the other side, run into the buildings and stay there for the night. Are you ready?”
“I guess”, he whispered, looking at me in fearful doubt.
“We are going to do this”, I whispered back. We then silently ran over, having to rely on our night-adapted eyes, to the corner, walking past the bins. We made it and nothing behind us so far. “We’re good so far.” We then crossed the road and noticed nothing. We noticed a tanker truck, leaking some sort of fluid across the road. I easily recognized it as fuel, based on its distinctive, sickly smell. I wouldn’t be worried about it if it weren’t for a collapsed light pole that is somehow still flickering with electricity near the area where the fuel would be flowing. We quickly avoided the fluid when I froze to see the group of the walking alligators, running towards us. “Run!” Matt tried to run, but one of those things appeared and clamped its jaws at the back of his neck. He yelped in pain and it took him down to the ground. “Matt”, I yelled, helplessly watching as the creature tore into him.
Matt reached out his arm before the others came to him, then a flash of fire came. At this point, I knew what happened, but I couldn’t even think before it exploded. It blew me towards the building, far away. I was knocked out for a few seconds before I regained consciousness, groaning in pain on the ice. I noticed something especially painful just below my chest. I reached towards the area with my hand. I pressed on it, more painful than ever and raised my hand, only to see blood, brightened by the fire. I realised I was wounded, maybe by shrapnel made by the explosion.
I looked toward where the truck was and all I saw was a blaze. Those things weren’t there, at least. I also noticed something else, too, there’s no Matt. I tried to look around for something, some sort of sign of my brother within the fire, but I saw none. I then wept, realising I had failed. I have failed to keep him safe. I have failed to give him a better life. I failed him as a sister. I could’ve done better. The thoughts poured in as tears glazed my eyes. At that moment, I failed to look around me.
I noticed a dark thing beside the blaze. I thought it was Matt, preparing to greet him back, even though I knew he couldn’t survive the explosion. The image became clearer and clearer as I noticed it was one of the walking crocs that, glazed by the fire, was coming towards me.
“Just kill me”, I screamed, preparing to painfully die to meet my maker. The creature was about to attack me when something large, silent as the wind, came charging and clamped down its massive jaws, filled with conical teeth on the hapless creature and raised it. The crocodile struggled before going limp with a crunch within its strong jaws. The big, dark and scaly monster that it is towered over me and is as long as a bus, possibly longer. Its large legs are a contradiction to its small arms that hide beneath its scarred, bulky body.
It turned to look at me with an oddly bird-like expression, revealing in the firelight numerous scars from battles I could never know and looked at me with its beady bird-like eyes, breathing out wisps from its nostrils like a dragon in the cool air. I recognized it as a creature I know too well, a T. Rex. I breathed heavily and sickly, looking at the thing, nearly expecting me to drop the body and go after me. Instead, it simply walked away, carrying its bloody prize with it, and steadily retreated into the darkness.
I then lay down in agonizing exhaustion on my back, thinking of the next step of action like I'm on a suicide mission I would never come back from. I looked in the direction of the graveyard and had one thought. I guess I am dying. a graveyard will do. I struggled to stand up, noticing my blood-soaked clothes and felt a broken left leg. I grasped my wound, limping step by step and enduring the sharp pain while shaking in the cold. Every step I took, I remembered all the memories, good or bad, that I had with my parents. My brother. My friends. My family. I eventually reached the cemetery and slouched at a tree.
“Guess I’m joining you, guys”, I said, speaking to the snow-covered gravestones, only to hear something. A familiar sound of chirping emerged and, lit by the blaze, it was a sight I can hope for. “Joe, what are you doing here”, I depressingly cheered as Joe went to me and curled up in my lap as if he were a cat. I noticed the new-found scar he had on his little snout, but I paid no mind as I petted him. “I guess you came back. Thank you so much for what you did”, I thanked him, not expecting such a loyal creature would be with me, comforting me, to the end, like what my mother used to do when I was a newborn. I heard another noise, this time a deep rumble.
I thought it was another earthquake coming, but it got louder the closer it got to me, becoming more animalistic only felt small vibrations I barely felt. Joe stayed put, oddly enough, as T. Rex, different from the first one, came. It walked towards us until it stopped short of us. It began to produce a low-pitched, bird-like purring, attracting Joe. I realised something, that this T. Rex is Joe’s parent. He joined the rest like him, whom they showed up and all chirped around.
The grown Rex then brought its snout closer to me, not to kill me, but to look at me. It did not reveal its teeth and was still purring. I put my hand out and its nose came close to it. It rubbed it against my hand and started to pet its cold, scaly skin as it breathed through its nose and put it on my chest. I rested my head on it before it pulled away. It gave out a hiss, but I knew it wasn’t that of a threat, but more of a thank you for bringing its small, sometimes immature, child home.
That gave me relief, as it felt like I at least did something for once. They walked away, along with Joe, towards the darkness amongst the gravestones in the cemetery. I glimpsed one last desperate look at Joe before walking beside his parent. I looked up at the sky and I could see all the stars, twinkling, and the dancing green auroras. I began to feel limp and felt the cold embrace of death coming over me, tears pouring out of my eyes. The sky then grew brighter and brighter, the stars faded into the light and I could see my family welcoming me to a new home. It then slowly went black, darker than a cave.
You would think this is the end of me. It wasn’t, or else I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I eventually woke up in a hospital in Regina. I was told I was rescued by a team that transported me while I was in a coma. The doctors said I was very lucky to be alive, as the shrapnel narrowly avoided my vital organs. After that, I was adopted into a new family, but I was only with them for a couple of years before finding a new job and moving out.
As for Sam, I don’t know what happened to her. I would like to think she is safe, somewhere else. As for my family, I think of them all the time. I was in a depressive period right after that. Eventually, over the years, I accepted that they were gone and went to a better place. For Joe, I would like to think he is all grown up, like his parents, and becoming the king of the jungle. I hope we meet again.
As for the evacuated area, it wasn’t some pipeline rupture that caused an evaluation, but an anomaly, with the exact reason not known. There are excuses for the claims of weird stuff going on in there, from disease to chemicals, to eventually a previously unknown geological event, but I saw through it all.
You may ask how, it's because I've been there. Take it or leave it, this is the story I have. As the decade came by, cover-ups were made to hide it, even walls were put around it. Since the incident, the exclusion zone grew from a mere 80 kilometers in diameter to 460 kilometers in diameter, emptying entire cities of the likes of Regina and Saskatoon. I had to move to North Battleford, by the recommendation from the same government covering it up, making me think that time will tell before the floodgates of truth open.
The anomaly didn’t have a name initially, however, over the years, everyone agreed on one name in particular: The Saskatchewan Anomaly.

I (19F) met a cute guy (19M) on hinge while I was at school in X city. He lives in X city, but I don’t, so I have to go back home (2 hours from x city) for 3.5 months for the summer.
I wanted to test the waters and put myself out there, but this was in March, and I knew I’d have to go home in April. I knew I didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship, and I wasn’t expecting to be successful on hinge, so I didn’t mind talking to guys that I knew I couldn’t date. I figured it would be nice to talk to some new people, and then I could have a better understanding of the dating pool when I returned to school in August.
I ended up meeting Max, and him and I hit it off. We love the same music and realized we got tickets to the same concert in June. He’s sweet and funny, so I thought it would be cool to meet him before I went home for the summer. Since I didn’t want to do long distance, I figured we could at least be friends. We had a great time and even kissed, but this happened the day before I was supposed to go home for the summer.
He told me he was really into me and that he’d dream about me - that he couldn’t wait to go to the concert with me and see me in the fall. After less than a week, maybe 4 or 5 days, he stopped talking to me as regularly, and became pretty short. A few days later he stopped talking to me. I tried to spark conversation by texting a silly question about my cat, but he didn’t read it or respond, all while he was snapping me blank pics. I told him that I didn’t think talking over the summer would work for me because of his “communication style,” which was my way of trying to hint that he needs to put in some effort. Tl;dr of what he said is “ok, can we still be friends? I wanna hang more this fall. I haven’t been putting in effort, long distance isn’t for me.”
Then I told him that him ignoring me, even if it was a silly text, made me feel unwanted, in both romantic and friendship ways. I need my friends and love interests to show me that they care. He thanked me for sharing and didn’t apologize, then he proceeded to finally read that message (the silly question) and then never respond to it.
I messaged him one last time and he took 5 days to respond. It’s been 2.5 weeks since I came home and homie already forgot about me I guess.
I unadded him on Snapchat and unmatched him on hinge. He still has my number, but I doubt I’ll hear from him. I wonder if I’ll see him at the concert or not, and I wonder if he’ll message me. I’m disappointed because he seemed like an amazing boyfriend and/or friendship candidate, but I know that I deserve better than that and I’ve only known the guy for like a month and a half. I also wonder if he’ll reach out in the fall, it all feels so strange because he seemed so into me. #infatuationisreal
Here is a TLDR provided by chatgpt <3:
I (19F) met a guy named Max (19M) on Hinge while I was at school in X city, though I live two hours away and had to return home for the summer. Despite not wanting a long-distance relationship, I hit it off with Max, sharing similar interests and even planned to attend the same concert in June. After meeting and kissing just before I left, Max expressed his strong feelings for me. However, his communication became inconsistent shortly after, and he eventually stopped responding despite sending me Snapchats. I addressed my concerns about his lack of effort, but he didn't apologize or change his behavior. I decided to unadd him on Snapchat and unmatch him on Hinge. While I'm disappointed because he seemed promising, I recognize I deserve better and am unsure if I'll hear from him or see him at the concert.

Me 18(m) and my gf just turned 20 i love her deeply and i understand im young but i feel quite mature for my age i have a career job and Ive been basically on my own since i was 12 but besides the point i made sure her birthday was great from the start i took her car to fill it up before she went to culinary school and on top of that decorated her car with birthday decorations and candy, presents and such but she has this friend now ive known this friend we shall call her A. i’ve known A for 2 years we were friends at first but some sort of falling out happened i’ve known my girlfriend for the same amount of time despite us only being together a few months. My brother (not blood)called me about loosing his job when i got to her house after work today. i went inside and hung out for a bit but everyone was already super drunk so i felt a little left out and her friend was already starting to be an asshole to me. But i usually try to ignore it. ive been doing real shitty lately considering i’m working nearly 80 hours a week and no family except for my “brother” and no friends since i don’t see them anymore due to my job. I’m tired but i’ll do anything to still get her to smile anyways enough of this love shit. She was already being an asshole and my girlfriend was drunk and when her friend is around her she always tries to make me feel like shit and look like a peice of shit. idk why we used to be good friends. So i went outside to call my brother and ask him if he was alright and everything, my girlfriend even came out and sat with me for a min while i talked to him. anyways fast forward 5 mins A comes walking angrily to my car and starts screaming at me (i already locked my doors cuz i knew what she was gon do) so then i rolled it down just for her to go tf off on me and start calling me names calling me a shitty boyfriend and everything in front of my gfs parents to so now i think they think of me as a peice of shit. but i tried apologizing to my girlfriend thinking i may have upset her, she wouldn’t answer me but instead just let her friend keep screaming at me. i’ve done nothing but make sure she had a good birthday and i hid how i was feeling just so i wouldn’t ruin the vibe at all. AITAH for talking to my brother for 15 mins? apparently i ruined her birthday and we usually hang out on mondays with her friend but now i will no longer be doing that. And im sick of my girlfriend taking her side all the time. Idk i just want someone there for me if that makes sense but i feel like im drowning and im so tired but ill do anything to make sure my girlfriend and anyone round me happy. And i stayed the bigger person all night by not feeding into A’s screaming to make it worse if anything i feel like she was making it shitty for my girlfriend because my girlfriend wasn’t upset in the first place

Two years ago my rapist was found guilty of second degree rape in St. Mary's County, MD. Little did I know, that the neat end to my tragedy would hardly be over.
Sentencing, is the act in which the judge determines the punishment of the convicted felon. Usually felons are taken into custody and the time they spend in jail will later be considered part of whatever jail time they are issued. For me? The Judge allowed the man to have a ankle monitor until sentencing and rest at home. How did he spend his time? Well, he showed up to the soccer games I would've been at (luckily abroad at the time) and he got picked up at a party he lied about attending and was then held in jail until sentencing.
The sentencing happened nearly two months after the trial--but no one told me. The State's Attorney contacted me and informed me I had to drop everything to rush to the court to give my statement. I went first and because I was not prepared--didn't say half of what I wanted and wasn't nearly as eloquent as I wanted to be.
Afterwards, the judge allowed the Defense attorney to comment on my mental health because I had a therapist and then asked if I had ever been sexually assaulted before. Yes, this is not trial--he was already guilty--but the judge allowed me to be crossed anyway at the sentencing. Thankfully the States Attorney objected to that line of questioning and I got to listen to all his supporters sum my rapist up: He's good at soccer, he translates for the community, and he never raped them--so how bad was he really? And my rapist? Well, since he was found guilty he found god, saw he had an alcohol problem, and realized he would never get the life he wanted. Apologized to the judge, his parents, and supporters. Oh yea, and me!
The Judge deliberated and despite the Maryland minimum guidelines being 5 to 10 years--she gave him 18 months and included whatever time he already spent in jail. 10 months later, he was out reoffending against young girls. By the time the warrant went out, he knew he was done for and took his life in the parking lot by my apartment complex--did I mention he only spent three months out of jail and most of it was spent in my apartment complex with his significant other?
Thankfully, a corner apartment, locked doors, and a big, big dog made me feel a lot safer. Remember to get therapy! My therapist was crucial in my mental recovery. But to be honest, his death was the most freeing aspect of it all.
I'll never see him at the soccer field. Never see him turning the corner of a store. Never see his distinctive car flying across an intersection.
But it's never over. The uninformed from soccer mourned his suicide; I didn't have the heart to say he was a convicted rapist who raped me. His obituary was glowing--a loving, helpful, generous community man taken too young.
Then the judicial election. 1.5 years later I am still being dragged into this. When there was a question of the judge's competency in going so far below minimum guidelines for someone who immediately reoffended potentially multiple people/times--the judge's response was a mass text saying I was older than the victim, I had previously been consensual, and I was hiding it from my boyfriend.
??? I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative. After all, my boyfriend was my biggest support in all of it--I just didn't want him listening to me describe my rape? Also, last I checked a large portion of rapes are from former consensual relationships that don't take closed doors as an option.
Regardless, I wrote an Op-ed, connected with the Maryland Crime Victim's Resource Center to coordinate a release...and...nothing. No one wants to post it. I got one response that they claimed they researched for 7 hours but took only a quote on how disappointed I was about the outcome.
Why? Because politics are running behind the scenes. This judge was appointed by former governor Hogan who is running for Maryland senator and his daughter recently took post in the State Attorney's office.
Is my outcome common or to be expected? I guess not. But the next time you tell a rape victim go ahead and report your crime--this is what they get. Silenced.
That being said? Even with tape over my mouth and my hands tied behind my back, I don't regret a goddamn thing--except that I wasn't more vocal sooner.
Nevertheless, persist my friends.

My dad died and now I feel disconnected from everyone, especially my significant other.
TLDR; My dad died November 2023 after an awful/traumatizing 11 months watching him suffer with an aggressive cancer. He was only 70. I’m 25 years old. After 5 months, i’m still struggling so much. I feel so disconnected from everyone and feel incapable of feeling love or positive emotion especially toward my significant other. Looking to hear from anyone who’s gone through something similar and come out on the other side.
My dad and I were so close. I spoke to him multiple times per day and he knew every single thing that would happen in my life. I have such a hole in my life since his absence. Being 25, I feel too young to lose my dad - even though I know many people lose their parents even younger :( I feel like I just reached the age at which I could truly appreciate my dad as a friend, rather than just a parent, and now he’s gone. There are so many events I want him to be at in my life such as my wedding, meeting my future children, seeing me work as a physician (i just graduated med school, his absence at match day and graduation the past few months was unbearable). I struggle with the fact that he won’t be here for the rest of the milestones in my life. I feel envious of the people around me who have both their parents in good health and seem to take it for granted or not recognize how much of a privilege that is.
My main concern and reason for writing this post is because of a deep disconnected feeling I have with everyone in my life. My partner (26 yo M) and I have struggled so much since my dad died. We moved in together 5 months before my dad died (horrible timing). Our problems seem to stem from an inability of my partner to understand where I am at, since he has never experienced loss or heartbreak. He often struggles to know what to say and despite trying to be supportive, often says invalidating comments or other things that set me off. I feel much more irritable than ever before and lack patience when this happens. Even though I used to be a very patient person - this leads to self confidence issues now as well since my partner will say things like “I don’t recognize you anymore” when we argue. I have suggested he read this thread to get advice from people who have gone through this, and he did do that and has improved slightly from that. I have to give him credit because he continues to try to improve. My biggest worry is that even when things are going well, I still just feel empty around him. I feel no connection to him (or anyone in my life expect my mom) like I used to. I feel hollow and just like I am going through the motions, incapable of feeling love. It even feels hard to say words of endearment like “i miss you” which I often used to do. I have no desire for intimacy - not even hugging or snuggling. I just want to be alone constantly and feel bothered by everything, even things that I used to enjoy. He is understanding but now that it has been 5 months I feel like he’s ready for me to be “back to normal” and I am not.
I should add that before all of this, my feelings about my boyfriend were very different and I was pretty set on spending the rest of my life with him. He even asked for my dads blessing to marry me in the hospital before he died. Now I continuously fear whether our problems are due to my own mental health or a problem in our relationship. I feel like I have been forced to mature in ways that he has not, after going through so much. This leads to me feeling frustrated or disinterested when he talks about such trivial matters which comprise his daily life. The result is that I feel disconnected and incapable of love, then constantly worry about why this is happening.
I am seeing a therapist who specializes in grief and have been for over 1.5 years, since I started going when I anticipated the loss of my dad was imminent. I know that I have generalized anxiety disorder and probably have a little bit of PTSD according to my therapist from seeing my dad suffer so much during his illness. I just have never felt this disconnected empty feeling and I constantly question if the problem is my relationship or if it is my life situation.
Has anyone been through something similar with a significant other and come out on the other side? I am scared that my relationship is broken. Please help.

This is gonna sound ridiculous and obvious, but I was really trying to hold out and give them every benefit of the doubt. I’m nearly 8 months into my transition, and have been afraid to do pretty much anything outwardly feminine BECAUSE OF THEM. I’ve been taking HRT and applying basic makeup occasionally, but other than that, basically nothing because they already make plenty of comments about me already(mostly my dad). He jokes about shaving my head, has said stuff like “I’m just a guy who paints his nails”, stuff like that. I know he’s never been an ally, but I at least thought he, all of them, would come around. He also suggests constantly that I should rent out a room from his (Mormon) grandparents house, and I’ve just stopped responding to him whenever he brings it up.
I thought my mom had my back a little bit more, at least. She talks me through some medical stuff, and has told me she has to teach me to do my makeup better sometime(genuinely still think it wasn’t a jab, it’s pretty basic eyeliner lol). But yet even she has only gendered me ONCE correctly, a few days ago. And I think it was because we were both in front of my aunt(her sister) who’s been one of my biggest supporters and resources). Yet today, when discussing a job I’m starting later, she told me not to wear makeup starting out and not to “Shove it in people’s faces” and “Let them get to know me first”. I told her it fucking IS me, but without the cussing. She got pretty quiet. And even then, what kinda logic is that? I walked out of the room and realized that they just see me as their son, who’s doing this thing. Literally what my dad has referenced it as, btw. My thing. My mom always says she supports and loves me, but then will literally groan when I wear makeup outside of the house.
Don’t even get me started on my brothers. One pretends it never happened and the other genders me correctly a lot, but then used a slur the other day, and got mad when I told him to not do that? Like I was some twitter activist and not his sister who’s literally been called that before.
I thought I could just tough it out and look at the positive parts, but for the first time, I’m finding myself wanting to act out, say all the things I’m thinking and run out the door with all of my belongings. B this sounds like a typical teenage reaction, but the thing is: I turn 20 in a little over 2 weeks, and have never felt as much outright resentment towards them before. Even when things got ROUGH in my teenage years, I was always the rule-follower, but they’ve done some shitty things to me in the years past. Said some shitty things in the years past.
I feel resentment for when I was forced out the closet at 14, and my dad basically told me “Never under his roof”. Resentment for how awkward they get when other people actually gender me correctly. Resentment for acting like this is the worst part of me. I don’t want to speak to them once I move out, or at least keep MINIMAL contact. I’m so, so, so tired of counting my progress in millimeters, based on however comfortable they’re going to be sitting in the same room as their “son with boobs”.
I at least want to have my 20th away from them, and celebrate it with my cousin(who’s also my best friend) and my boyfriend, who’s also trans. He’s cis passing and way farther along in his transition than me, and has been helping me though all of the toughest parts of my own. I’m going to his house tomorrow, and I’m going to put on a dress, skirts, makeup, practice my fem voice, because it’s what I’ve craved to do for who knows how long, but even then, I know I’ll still be feeling the sarcastic, pseudo-supportive ire of my parents, who live an hour away.

2296, The scene is set in a post apocalyptic Mojave desert, 15 years after a joint effort of the New California Republic, the Rangers, and the mysterious benefactor of the New Vegas Strip, Mr. House pushed back an attempted invasion of the Mojave and a final battle was waved for control of the hydroelectric powerhouse, Hoover Damm.
In the aftermath, Mr. House was removed from power discreetly, due to the actions of a wasteland wanderer on a mission for revenge, known only as the Courier. Mr. House's iconic Lucky 38 casino opened its doors, for the first time, offering a single floor casino and bar, it's upstairs remained an exclusive and mysterious meeting place for the New Vegas Strip's elite. The Lucky 38 represented one of the cleanest, most secure facilities, protected, like the rest of the strip, by the Securitron Mk 2, predominantly. Their presence ensured visitors on the Strip behaved themselves, though the other casinos maintained their own security and 'house rules' internally.
The Strip defined and maintained its status as an independent entity, determining through the Courier's observations that the NCR was stretching it's military might too thin, and couldn't realistically manage over the Strip and Mojave, so a new deal was struck, similar to the prior, but with The Strip extending it's Securitron security to enforce the immediately surrounding communities and a few outlying satelites. Trade to the surrounding areas increased, the Mojave benefitting from the prewar tech, pre-programmed security forces. The drug addicted fiends and other Raider groups would never be any match for their advanced weaponry, and ultimately were cleared out of existence.
The King's continued to watch over Freeside, making alliances with the Follower's of the Apocalypse... their desire to service the needs of the belittled, disadvantaged and destitute lined up, and this is where Mr. Wolf found his place in the story... the Courier and a Follower's doctor found love in the wasteland.... and raised a child together under a Ranger's flag... 23 years later? This is New Vegas...
A handsome man in a leather jacket sat in a dusty leather booth watching one of the girls dance on a pole, shaking her ass as bottle caps clinked on the stage in front of her. It was a swanky post apocalyptic casino strip club. A man in a leather jacket stood nearby, his hands crossed in front of his chest, "Kings" embroidered across the back in silver letters. A waitress approached him carrying a glass of some amber colored liquor, and sat it down at the half moon table. She lingered a moment in her lacey body suit, following his gaze up to the girl rubbing her tits in some older cowboys face.
"You don't get jealous seeing her like that, Mr. Wolf." The girl bit her lip and met his eyes as he picked up his glass and swirled it before giving it a smell and taking a slow swig. He tilted his head looking her over. She couldn't possibly be older then 19. Tight, perky little thing.
Mr. Wolf smirked and shook his head. "I like her... nice and wet when she comes to my bed."
The girl blushed and bit her lip. "So you like to watch?" She surmised.
"I don't mind, but why do you ask?" Wolf had these intense eyes that shot arrows into your very soul. It made her incredibly nervous... but she found it deeply exciting at the same time.
"Well... I'm living in 206 now... maybe... you might stop by sometime and I could dance for you? I know I don't have her body but... if you wanted something that was a little fresher... something... just yours?" She figeted her fingers against the table.
Jason looked her over once more and smirked.
"Two-Oh-six, huh?" He tilted his head, considering.
She nodded.
"Leave your cum soaked panties on my doorknob one of these nights if you really need it and maybe I'll come see if you got the moves." His Texan accent was subdued, but enthrallingly charming with his confident, somewhat bored with reality overtones.
"M-my panties?" She stammered turning bright red. "On your doorknob?" Alexa couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"If you're gunna shoot your shot with a dom... with an alpha... you need to be willing to submit. If you can't do that... I'm not interested." Wolf shrugged, completely unphased.
"But what about... what if..." Alexa glanced at Laura, the clubs most iconic stripper in the club, perhaps even the whole Strip.
She was taking some NCR soldier to the VIP lounge for a private dance.
Alexa had been bold enough to offer herself but now she was feeling nervous. If Laura wanted her out, she could lose her job... her home.
"Oh she won't mind... if anything she'll want to watch." Wolf shook his head, sensing her anxiety.
"Assuming of course... she likes the way you smell... she's funny like that." Wolf let the conversation end and Alexa nervously retreated.
Wolf sat drinking by himself, but got bored.
"Jakey, go get yourself a drink and sit down, I'm bored." Wolf called to his body guard.
Jacob looked over and nodded, giving the lounge one last look around before approaching the bar and getting himself a mug of beer, from the tuxedo shirt and boytie bartender Gerald, and returning to the table.
"What's on your mind boss?" Jacob had his hair slicked back in the usual King's gang hairstyle.
"Heard any rumors lately?" Wold looked at him, taking a drag from his cigarette and flicking the pack over to him.
"Honestly, boss, aside from the occasional drunkard or fiend rolling through freeside, nothing out of the ordinary... well, except... a way's out.. the crazy lady... Gloria was swearing up and down she found a headless metal suit of armor.. said the Enclave would burn down New Vegas. God's wraith and all that, you know how she gets."
"Enclave?" Jason's attention was piqued.
"Yeah, I don't know, she was probably just in withdrawal from the Jet... said she found it in the hollowed out shell of the Super Duper, out by the old highway." Jacob shrugged and drank from his beer and pulled a cigarette from the pack.
Wolf finished the last drag of his own cigarette. "Has anyone validated her claims?"
"Well... no... but... I mean... you've met her, she sees things that aren't there, all the time." Jacob shrugged and lit a cigarette.
Jason squinted, considering the resident crazy ladies most recent half coherent ramblings.
"That's an oddly specific hallucination though....take a group of guys out there tonight... humor me, and make sure she's not right." Wolf lifted his glass.
"Sir?" Jacob raised an eyebrow, thinking surely this could wait until tomorrow.
"Hypothetically" Wolf pondered aloud, "If there was... for some reason, there in-fact was... a pre-war, piece of military tech out there....a T-45, let's say, or T-60, best case scenario? We want it. Even if it's not at 100% capacity? It's fusion core alone... could change up the game for Freeside, something like that could make our tiny little city independent. We wouldn't have to be reliant on the scraps of New Vegas, and forget about the Hoover Dam completely."
Jacob caught Mr. Wolf's drift.. a fusion core could mean producing its own, radiation-free water, it's own electricity.. not just a little, a lot. Powering long dead machines, not to mention the agricultural benefits... producing healthier, higher yield tobacco... expanding their income ten fold.
Jacob suddenly felt like he understood Mr. Wolf's vision for the future.
"I should... go and deploy the King's to investigate." Jacob concluded.
"I think that would be for the best, I can take care of myself here." Wolf waved Jacob off.
Jacob downed his beer and excused himself.
Wolf drank the rest of his whiskey, extinguishing his cigarette.
Laura, the dancer came up to the table, and Wolf motioned to the blushing new waitress for a round, who felt a twinge of jealousy seeing her crush with the most popular stage act in town. She bit her tongue though, bringing over two more heavy pours of whiskey.
Laura eyed the girl as she came and went.
"She likes you." Laura concluded as the waitress walked away.
"Yeah.. I think she does." Mr. Wolf shrugged, flicking her a cigarette.
"The NCR boy liked me." She giggled wiping a little bit of cum from her lips and used half her shot like mouthwash.
"Get anything out of him.. other then.. his seed?" Wolf sighed.
"Of course," She grinned mischievously, "Apparently there's been trouble out West with the Brotherhood. They had some type of skirmish? Apparently NCR lost? NCR was apparently holding some old world tech, I don't know, but apparently it lit up the west coast power grid, like... in it's entirely?" Laura tilted her head to look at him.
"The entire western power grid was lit up by a single piece of tech??" Wolf shook his head at the topless girl beside him.
"Yeah, I had to make him cum twice for more details, but apparently it's the size of a grain of rice, with quote, unlimited energy potential." Laura relayed the information. It seemed more important then a suit of power armor or its fusion core.
"Who else knows about this?" Wolf demanded with his eyebrows squinted against his eyes.
"Anyone with a functional light bulb for... like... three hundred miles?" Laura guessed with a shrug.
"You said... it was the Brotherhood that took the win on the skirmish?" Wolf clarified some details.
"Yeah... rumor has it they have a new up and coming knight that's making waves." Laura shrugged.
"Stay on the rumors... I need details." Mr. Wolf nodded at her, drank his whiskey and stood up, downing his drink.
An energy source that powerful would have a big effect on the balance of power in the Mojave. It could mean a resurrection of the New California Republic to it's former glory and then some, and potentially... might mean a renewed effort to reclaim the western part of the former United States, in time.

I posted this earlier under my normal account, but I decided I wanted a bit of anonymity.
I had a very traumatic emergency department visit last year. I wrote a complaint, and it was pages long. Most of the issues were resolved in some way, maybe not to my full satisfaction but enough. I won't go into those.
The part that they lied about were times medications were given and times when they checked in to take my vitals.
The vitals weren't taken... I was left in the isolation cell for over 9 hours without any in-person contact with any human being. There is no way I could have slept through them coming in because a) I couldn't sleep and b) The door opening is super loud because it is like a jail door. They claimed they took them throughout the night.
I wasn't given my medication in the morning until about 2.5 hours late, which I get happens. But they claimed I got it on time which was not true.
Basically they said that I was so emotional that I wasn't remembering things correctly. I WAS emotional, for sure, but I was very, very aware of what was going on during that period of time. Plus, I was allowed to have my phone with me, so I have multiple text messages throughout the night to a couple of loved ones with comments about waiting for a nurse to come in to check my vitals, and eventually of me asking my loved ones to call the hospital to push for more urgency regarding my medications.
I even requested the camera footage. Initially, the department that deals with the footage was like, "Yup, no problem. Should have to you within 24 hours because there were no other patients in the footage (because it was only me in the isolation room obviously)." Then I get an e-mail the next day saying that it was too late to get the footage. So they allowed the footage to get taped over even though there was an open complaint regarding the above issues along with a nurse threatening me with restraint twice for no legitimate reason. One would think that they would want the footage to help provide professional education to that nurse for future issues.
One Doctor also put another lie in my file which I won't even get into. I did get them to write a letter to somewhat resolve that issue, but the letter won't show up on my main health record, it would only be accessible to someone who was digging deep.
I don't normally care what people think about me, but to have inaccuracies on my record with no recourse, no opportunity to have my rebuttal officially on record, it just kills me. It is one thing if people dislike me because they don't like my personality. It is one thing if people are gossiping about me. It is one thing of some rando makes up lies and spreads them around. Those things would not be an issue for me. But for lies to be on my official record, and for them to only really be included to cover their butt once I made a complaint - well, that hurts and it scares me. Plus, my complaint was very specific that I did not want ANYONE to get into trouble, even the nurse who threatened restraints. I just wanted policies to be updates and professional development to occur. These are the people I am supposed to trust when I am at my absolute worst. Guess I was a little too idealistic.

Hi everyone- my friend of 15 years has stopped hanging out with me and talking to me for the past 6 months after a conflict between my boyfriend (36) and his wife (31). I have tried reaching out to get together and he says “I’m doing me” and doesn’t want to get together claiming it’s work related or something. I’ve asked a couple times if everything is okay and he says yes. We’ve had a strictly platonic relationship since college. His wife and I were friends. My boyfriend and him were friends. They were heavily involved in my kid’s life and I had been very active and involved with their daughter since her birth. I pretty much saw her every month. They even moved to live closer to us and we live 3 minutes away.
His wife and him had always had a lot of issues and we were always there for both of them. My home was pretty much always open and I would hear both of them out and stay neutral. His wife would come to me telling me crazy things about him and it would upset and disgust me but afterwards I’d then tell her I felt bad not hearing his side and making any judgements. She would beg me not to tell him we spoke. I always agreed and kept my promises. I never broke that trust. Of course I don’t think it was a great idea to be both their confidant but his wife is from another country and was very lonely and emotional.
6 months ago she started to tell stories about my boyfriend. Adding untrue details or putting herself in the center of a story. We ignored it. Then One night she called me up to say he tried kissing her (cheek) and called him cringe. We both understood the cultural aspect but found it odd that this came up after 4 years. My boyfriend was very embarrassed and offended to be accused of this and would’ve appreciated her saying something in the moment or years ago. He apologized but also asked for some space. (Prior to that we saw them once or twice a week, which yes, was a lot)
Her husband was upset with her and tried talking to her. Apparently she didn’t care about a potential loss of friendship and “had crazy ideas about us” (her husbands words). Initially he came by a few times and then after Christmas he stopped. He doesn’t text me ever. I’ve reached out and he is short or disinterested. I’ve asked if everything’s ok and he’s just busy. My boyfriend reached out and told him we love them all and if they were rubbed the wrong way by something then we never intended it. My friend didn’t respond.
My son will ask about him all the time. I miss their daughter. She used to call me aunt and now she probably doesn’t know who I am anymore (she’s under 3). I’m super sad by it. I was depressed for a while but have been coming to terms with it more and more. He text me recently for my birthday and I asked if he was mad at me and he brushed that off playfully saying not to worry.
I’m at a loss here- is it best to move on? Or respect the space? Or reach out again? I’m completely aware friendships can have ups and downs and people can need space… but to go from spending so much time to radio silence is weird and I don’t get an explanation. If kids weren’t involved I probably wouldn’t be as upset either. Please help me come to terms with this.
Tl;dr: long time, close friend has been giving me the silent treatment after a conflict between my boyfriend and His wife. He claims not to be upset just busy, and doesn’t have time to visit or catch up. I always have to reach out. Is it best to move on or reach out again?

TLDR; My dad died November 2023 after an awful/traumatizing 11 months watching him suffer with an aggressive cancer. He was only 70. I’m 25 years old. After 5 months, i’m still struggling so much. I feel so disconnected from everyone and feel incapable of feeling love or positive emotion especially toward my significant other. Looking to hear from anyone who’s gone through something similar and come out on the other side.
My dad and I were so close. I spoke to him multiple times per day and he knew every single thing that would happen in my life. I have such a hole in my life since his absence. Being 25, I feel too young to lose my dad - even though I know many people lose their parents even younger :( I feel like I just reached the age at which I could truly appreciate my dad as a friend, rather than just a parent, and now he’s gone. There are so many events I want him to be at in my life such as my wedding, meeting my future children, seeing me work as a physician (i just graduated med school, his absence at match day and graduation the past few months was unbearable). I struggle with the fact that he won’t be here for the rest of the milestones in my life. I feel envious of the people around me who have both their parents in good health and seem to take it for granted or not recognize how much of a privilege that is.
My main concern and reason for writing this post is because of a deep disconnected feeling I have with everyone in my life. My partner (26 yo M) and I have struggled so much since my dad died. We moved in together 5 months before my dad died (horrible timing). Our problems seem to stem from an inability of my partner to understand where I am at, since he has never experienced loss or heartbreak. He often struggles to know what to say and despite trying to be supportive, often says invalidating comments or other things that set me off. I feel much more irritable than ever before and lack patience when this happens. Even though I used to be a very patient person - this leads to self confidence issues now as well since my partner will say things like “I don’t recognize you anymore” when we argue. I have suggested he read this thread to get advice from people who have gone through this, and he did do that and has improved slightly from that. I have to give him credit because he continues to try to improve. My biggest worry is that even when things are going well, I still just feel empty around him. I feel no connection to him (or anyone in my life expect my mom) like I used to. I feel hollow and just like I am going through the motions, incapable of feeling love. It even feels hard to say words of endearment like “i miss you” which I often used to do. I have no desire for intimacy - not even hugging or snuggling. I just want to be alone constantly and feel bothered by everything, even things that I used to enjoy. He is understanding but now that it has been 5 months I feel like he’s ready for me to be “back to normal” and I am not.
I should add that before all of this, my feelings about my boyfriend were very different and I was pretty set on spending the rest of my life with him. He even asked for my dads blessing to marry me in the hospital before he died. Now I continuously fear whether our problems are due to my own mental health or a problem in our relationship. I feel like I have been forced to mature in ways that he has not, after going through so much. This leads to me feeling frustrated or disinterested when he talks about such trivial matters which comprise his daily life. The result is that I feel disconnected and incapable of love, then constantly worry about why this is happening.
I am seeing a therapist who specializes in grief and have been for over 1.5 years, since I started going when I anticipated the loss of my dad was imminent. I know that I have generalized anxiety disorder and probably have a little bit of PTSD according to my therapist from seeing my dad suffer so much during his illness. I just have never felt this disconnected empty feeling and I constantly question if the problem is my relationship or if it is my life situation.
Has anyone been through something similar with a significant other and come out on the other side? I am scared that my relationship is broken. Please help.

I can relate PB I remember once being locked in a cage
The humiliation being locked away behind bars
Temperature extra cold
Retrained because I drove too close in a neighborhood I wasn’t supposed to be in
Creature comforts that night I blundered
All over the attitude I caught when I entered that room
Blown away when I asked her for some money
I felt like a complete dummy when she said no
Where did the resistance come from
Uber home the whole time my thoughts her essence in my blood stream
Love so beyond anything I had ever even came close to being able to endure all the events I kept pulling through Such connection
I could draw her with out a picture she was etched on my mind while in jail hoping wish throwing kite into the ethereal wishing well
Using the toilet paper roll as pillow
The entire time going back and forth between Talking to God N my Ex fiancé.
We shared so much time together
She would say she knew better than I would think she knows
I literally thought she could sense me
Asking her to come get me
Pleading in my heart
My body my soul
Once released
Walking down the road
Her comes the one I called out to with all of my soul
But i wondered was it just because I wasn’t able to answer her Or did she sense my call beyond the 3D.
Just a memory
Forgetting me