finished uni nearly but moved back home early cause of shit mental health lol but i don’t really have any friends back home they were all at uni so now i’m just really fucking lonely and would love to talk to some people :) preferably people from the uk just cause timezone is similar but i don’t mind where from! will admit it now i can be flaky, i get moments where i’m like yeah let me talk to everyone and then can immediately snap into like oh god i hate myself and can’t bring myself to reply to people it’s stupid i know but thought i would at least admit it lol
hmmm idk what to say about me errr i like reading books a lot and helped run a book club before, i love watching tv shows and movies, recently just watched all of 9-1-1, so good actually . genuinely my favourite film ever is cars. a masterpiece. in so many ways. i studied criminology at uni and might do a masters but money and trying to get a job atm is so hard ahhhh. i really don’t like capital letters i don’t know why they just creep me out a little. i hate cheese it’s the worst thing ever created like actually. i have 2 tattoos and 11 piercings and would want more but again money plus i always sleep on my new piercings and that shit hurts honestly.
really looking forwards to getting to know some people :)
if you get this far and think wow she sounds so cool i’ll be her friend thennnn message me your best joke 🫶

I would like to preface this with the fact that i DO think Kenzie is winning. Before yall come for me! Bc i realise any opinion thats not backing up Kenzie winning or supports anyone else winning is “bad edgic” according to yall. But anyways
I wanna explore more of Kenzies flaws and red flags! Just because we only see constant posts about how she is obviously the winner etc etc.
More OTT mean girl vibes than Dee imo in the premerge with Bhanu Jess and Jelinsky. Sloppy obvious social game seen by Q and Tiff (showcased in a neg light by the edit as they highlight them all seeing thru her and it makes her a target). Also even Bhanu sorta gives low-key NSPV - but Bhanu is all over the place i get it. And he does crown her the mermaid dragon of the season.
What are yall talking about? Montage with dodo music and clowns her (literally not needed to be included at all. The edit goes out of its way to dunk on her)
“One of you cant win, you will not get the votes at the end” in jeffs speech. When he says these words it pans on to kenzie. I saw someone spin this as to alluding to her winning.. but like if u watch that scene IMO its actually showing why kenzie wont win and get votes at the end and will lose to a siga member. As siga gets pans of gelling. If she wins i think this was more of a throw us off the scent thing rather than tryin to hint she WINS.
Yanu and their consistant theme of being Losers + tiffany in ep 2. “We are LOSERS” with an immediate pan to kenzie struggle to make a fire
Kenzie saying she needs to blindside tiff for her resume - then NOT getting to do that and losing credit.
Kenzie saying she wants Q out and hes still there
Kenzie saying Venus is my new number 1 and that the boys (ben and charlie) dont wanna boot Q bc they may become bigger targets, but she doesnt wanna boot venus bc thatd apply to her- then proceeds to boot Venus despite the edit suggesting shed vote Q.
Kenzie talking about how Charlie is Marias jester and underestimating him (whilst the edit explicitly backs up and tells us that Charlie is NOT marias jester, in fact the edit highlights all season how if anything Charlie is equals or making the decisions, and also the edit props up charlie and goes out of its way to highlights how he isnt her jester and that he is intentional in his gameplay and wants maria to get sole credit so shes a target etc etc. ). Whether thats good or bad for charlie is another story, but its still not great for Kenzie to be shown to be so wrong on her read of charlies game and its a theme she has in multiple different eps. She is plain wrong and the edit doesnt hide that fact. In fact it has her being wrong directly after we see scenes contradicting her statements. So the viewer is thinking shes getting played.
Kenzie getting DODO music whilst talking about how poor Venus is at idol searching (a scene coming directly after V finds the idol and says shes pretending to look- therefore highlighting her fooling/outplaying Kenzie) - people say kenzie is redeemed by saying “i guess she may have already found the idol and is bamboozling us all”. - but she contradicts that save immediately by saying “but i think shes just waiting for someone whos close to her to find it”. So she is definitely being bamboozled.
Kenzie also doesnt really have her relationships with Hunter established we are just told shes apparently his number 1 last minute.
The big 6 alliance- we hear kenzie find out about it from Q (she doesnt comment on it) she says “yeh i heard about the 6” implying she found out already about it, yet we still got no mention on the 6 and how she felt about it and being left out, if she was concerned or not about it, etc etc… Charlie we did hear talk about it and accurately immediately call it out for what it was. And yes he was sorta being inducted but it was clearly over by the time that happened really.
Kenzie has no backstory package, not even 1 single outside of the game photo (shes the ONLY player left (in thef10 even) not to and this is despite having had chances already to put it in too) - the emotional blue eye scene, her opening confessional , any time she mentioned her career, her ben panic attack scene. - Charlie and Q had photos. Liz maria and Ben all had full on backstorys. -
When compared to other woman winners - shes insanely overexposed in the edit.
When u look at her game- she actually hasnt gotten THAT much better of a resume or game than Ben or Liz. Its worse than Q Charlie and Maria on paper (outside of pure social) And shes missed the chance for a big move and instead lost numbers in 3 consecutive tribals. Kenzie herself has stated that you need to make a big move - which she keeps failing to do alike jake owen. She wanted Q but begrudgingly accepted Hunter vote, she wanted Q but got blindsided and it was Tiff, she wanted Maria-> then Q but begrudgingly voted Venus. All 3 were numbers that were loyal to her, and she didnt really want out but got them out, having no agency 3 straight votes. And wasnt in the 6 which was the main storyline for the early merge votes.
She has a eerily similar to Jake Owen and Carolyn edit when u really think about it - who all got underdog themes.
also Kenzie is plain wrong a lot… i just rewatched ep 3 and found yet another time shes straight up wrong.. when Bhanu gets back to camp after the journey, he lies to Yanu and says “i chose the white rock” - this is then immediately followed by a confessional of Kenzie falling for his lie saying “of course in typical yanu fashion he gets nothing (correct ik) which works for us because we didnt want him to have anything, he drew the white rock (false, kenzie has fallen for the lie) he doesnt have anything, great for the plan but it is also just hilarious that once again yanu loses another thing (okay sorta correct) and gives something else to the other tribes (false and wrong again). This is yet another really small thing but damn these sorts of wrong things are really adding up. Why gove kenzie that confessional? Contrast that with Tiff basically saying the more on point thing of “the real tea is what did he give up, bc i know damn sure he was over there spilling the tea” and she doesnt have anything falling for his Lie, And then Q doesn't comment on it in confessional, but has a scene where he questions Bhanu if he got the white rock and Bhanu reveals no he didnt and indeed he lost his vote. It again put right after we show bhanu not getting the white rock and the other tribes not getting anything - so even though logically kenzie is just narrating from what she knows, and technically yanu person did lose out, shes still completely wrong about what happened and as a viewer ur inclined to think “thats not what happened” as shes talking. Just this actually has happened quite a lot.
I sound like a Kenzie hater. but end of the day i can still see all of Kenzies upside and Charlies downside and marias danger. I know that a lot of these flaws can be possibly justified or overlooked with all the good stuff - but they still are possible red flags and theres quite a few of them still.. so i think its still worth noting and keeping in mind. Since everyone is constantly pointing out the smaller red flags for a Charlie and a Maria. Just food for thought. Bc if anyone thinks kenzie could be set up for a FTC loss they get roasted on here. I personally do lean towards her winning ftc but the set up is there for both.
I think she takes out Q at least bc the setup for both her (threat mermaid dragon etc) and Charlie (i need to get Q out, Q needs to go asap) has been made. Plus Maria slipped in Q for one more vote, Ben and Liz both have setup for wanting Q gone. Its gotta happen soon! But its entirely possible thats what the mermaid dragon and shes a dangerous threat story arc was leading to.. her being part of tiffany and Q going (her idea the tiff blindside, her making moves on Q). Rather than her necessarily winning.
Ill also point out for those who believe that Charlie wasnt as relevent early on and that he has a poor social game - i just rewatched ep 1-5, skipping thru the nami tribe scenes and challenges and unimportant confessionals (BHANU drama) and BOY do Charlie and Kenzie both get sooo much attention. We hear from both so much. Its kinda clear that kenzie is the main Yanu (sorry Q) and Charlie is the main siga (sorry maria and Ben). But charlie gets so many social related scenes which highlight his social bonds and has the edit backing it up with positive SPV about him from other players. Jeff always talks to charlie and the camera pans are always panning to both Charlie and Kenzie throughout the premerge. Just a little fun thing i noticed.

Hedge fund strategies will always do better. How will you beat them? Why don’t you just become a hedge fund?

Hedge fund strategies will always do better on a risk-adjusted basis. We have no intention of beating them. We provide our users with high-returns that they understand. Our users don’t care about risk-adjusted returns, and that’s why they don’t care about high-return mutual funds, they want high returns they understand.

What if this crypto insider sees what you are doing and wants to do a Pump-And-Dump?

Pump and dumps are possible when you have market power. Tokens that can be manipulated through pump-and-dump schemes, such as tokens with a low market cap or concentrated ownership, are systematically excluded from tokens our users can hold.
Protections:

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If the insider owns 25% BTC, 25% ETH, and 25% Pump and Dumpable Coin A, our user's portfolio would have 50% BTC and 50% ETH.

Crypto insiders move the market. You will always be buying at a worse price, will you not?

If the crypto insider has market power (which isn’t the case usually with the ones we track), yes, but it still doesn’t matter. Gains from the crypto insiders we track are made by knowing when to buy and sell tokens based on market conditions, not in a high-frequency manner. You’ll see different tokens skyrocket in value days / weeks / months after an insider purchases them. They will probably come in at a slightly better price and get a slightly better return (or not, since markets are volatile, and we aren’t copied that same minute), but it’s not remotely significant enough to make a large difference, as our backtests show.
Fyi, our backtests are completely accurate to our actual strategies - they aren’t testing the crypto insider’s portfolio, they’re testing what would have happened if we had copied the insider portfolio in the exact same manner as how we will execute it, including all the protections against scam tokens. The actual crypto insider returns is probably higher, but it doesn’t matter.

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I am sending a letter to her tomorrow morning. I've run in by and warned everyone else in my family. My good sister, my mom, and my wife. I also asked a couple of friends for advice. You can read what started this in my last post. But I will include her last message here because I am mostly responding to that.
BPDsis message- "I’m sorry that you hate me, and I wish you were able to see the good things I try to do. I am a good person and I only want the best for everyone. I’m not attacking you for imperfections and I try my best to allow room for error in people and understand that everyone is just doing the best they can to survive in this world. I will continue to do the best I can to help or assist everyone to the best of my ability. If you suspect that I’m doing something out of spite or anger then I request you approach me about it and give me the opportunity to defend myself bc a lot of problems that go unaddressed lead to bigger problems that could have been resolved in the beginning."
Here is the letter I'm sending her. I've changed her name to BPDsis.
My response-
"You're only sorry I hate you because of how it's affecting you. Not because of the terrible things you've done. The "good things" are always thrown back in my face to be used for your gain. Like when you picked up the garbage downstairs. Then you bitched to mom that I didn't help you load it while I was sick. Even though I said I'd do it myself later I'm the week! You didn't give me much grace there and you sure attacked my imperfections. You're two faced BPDsis. It's always to further your own goals and to manipulate others to do your bidding. It's not genuine.
You are not a good person, not by any metric I'd use. Maybe in your head, where you're always the victim. But what's in your head isn't reality. You cause fights all the time and you say the worst things you can possibly think of and that's not just me saying that. You have destroyed every relationship in your life. You told uncle you hoped his wife would leave him and take everything he had. Is that helping the family? You bullied and traumatized goodsis to the point CPS was going to take her away and that bullying didn't stop once you were adults. Everyone is done with your shit. and you're well on your way to destroying your relationship with your daughters. The only ones who tolerate you are your Dad because he's hundreds of miles away from your bullshit and BPDsis' friends because they get you to do things for them. Everyone just keeps quiet to keep your cross hairs off them. Maybe you should examine yourself more, before everyone reaches the point where I am. Especially your children. That's my hope, that you'll read this and for once actually think about how your actions affect someone else. You'll see your toxicity spelled out in no uncertain terms and change for the better. So that you can have a healthy relationship in the short time we have on this planet. If not for your sake, for your girl's.
You're trying to be the victim. I'm not buying it. You aren't the victim BPDsis. you have done nothing but hurt this family and the things you've done to "help" whether with good intentions or not are marred by worries that you'll fuck us over or use it to manipulate us. Almost every giant fight can be traced back to you. We may have been dysfunctional without you. But you bring out the worst in everyone. You're sick and need help.
And why would I feel comfortable coming to "talk things out" with you. You're not my friend and as far as I'm concerned you're not my sister. The only effective strategy I've found to dealing with you is to avoid you. My whole life has been everyone tip-toeing around you so they don't get attacked. The problem isn't how I or anyone else interprets your actions. It's YOUR actions.
I've accepted that you'll never change. A lot of times I feel pity for you. Your BPD and alcoholism isn't your fault. But, you've never once tried to meaningfully overcome them. All I want now is to be away from you. I don't want you in my life at all and I don't want you in my child's life. I've tried so hard and for so long for BPDsis' girls alone. I love them with all my heart. But you've used them as leverage since I was 13. I didn't even do anything when you stopped letting me see them. It was a fight between you and mom. But I guess you knew it'd hurt mom more if I wasn't allowed to see them either. You tried to keep them away again the last few months too. Honestly, I was just glad you weren't around. It made me realize, I don't have to live with your craziness. I deserve better than that. And if it means I have to sacrifice a relationship with my nieces until they're 18. It'll be the hardest thing I'll ever do. But I'll do what I have to do for me, my wife, and my baby.
I hope this is a wake-up call to get help."
Let me know if you have any advice before I send it. I'll try and update tomorrow after I send it.

Divided We Watch
TLDR; Movie Review - Civil War
Whew! I just watched the movie, Civil War.
I have a lot to say, but don’t think I’ll be capable of unpacking it all articulately enough to express myself, without coming off as a disgruntled, far-right nutjob. Because I’m not one. If you must know, I’m only a touch right-of-center in my ideology. An Independent, to tell the truth. But nowadays, it seems, if the needle isn’t buried on the left side of the meter, you are officially a disgruntled, far-right nutjob.
But before you start grinding your molars and turning the page, hear me out.
Oh, and I’m going to try not to – but if a spoiler slips past me, you’ve been warned.
For starters, let me make clear that I am not fooled for a millisecond by the movie’s main intent. It is leftist propaganda at its finest. It’s the Nazi’s Triumph of the Will; Orwell’s 1984; and the Ku Klux Klan’s Birth of a Nation, all rolled into one, but with a fifty-million-dollar budget – the most expensive movie ever made by A24 Productions. There is a passing scene in the movie where actress Cailee Spaeny, playing Jessie, a bright-eyed, upstart photojournalist, while fawning over her idol, the legendary war photographer, Lee Smith, played by Kirsten Dunst, talks about the award-winning shot at “The Antifa Massacre” that made Lee famous. This seems to suggest Antifas are noble freedom fighters, but forgets the real life destruction of the Berkley Riots; the Portland Protests, and the Seattle Autonomous Zone, where a capital city was held hostage for nearly a month.
The movie’s release, hot on the heels of the 2024 Presidential election, was by design, not coincidence. You know it. I know it. We all know it. Hollywood wants this movie fresh in everyone’s minds when they go to the polls. The movie is a calculated foreshadowing. The message: “Elect the Orange Guy and this will happen to our country.”
The movie is Hollywood’s love letter to the Liberal elite and mainstream media’s wettest dream.
Some of the best war movies in cinematic history are those that portrayed a certain ambiguity about war, and humanized both sides and their causes. Just who was the Good Guy and who the Bad, was a little fuzzy, at times. Hell in the Pacific; Platoon; and Letters from Iwo Jima, come to mind. Civil War is not one of those films, even if it pretended to be by making its Dark Side an alliance of two regions of the United States that are about as ideologically compatible as AOC and MTG.
So, don’t think I’m fooled. I’m not. The movie is, indeed, all of the above. But let me tell you what else it is.
It’s the best movie I’ve seen in years.
The cinematography is breathtaking. The acting, superb. The action sequences, heart-pounding. Director Alex Garland paints with exquisite, horrifying detail what life (and death) would be like for us all if the United States of America tore itself apart from within. One brutal battle scene that really sticks with me, is set against the backdrop of a place that symbolizes the very essence of peace, love and happiness. The juxtaposition is jarring. But it is a very real reminder that there is no escape from the terrible ravages of war.
While I cannot deny there were times in the movie I found my slightly-right-of-center molars grinding – especially with its mocking portrayal of our nation’s leader and 50% of our country’s population – I could not dislike this movie. When the battle reached our nation’s capital and the tracer rounds were peppering the Lincoln Memorial, I literally felt sick to my stomach – and so profoundly sad to watch the desecration of a place I have always considered a sacred symbol of our Country. Though I could smell the popcorn in the air and knew it was only a movie, my heart broke at the realization that we Americans are a deeply divided People.
“Why?” I asked my wife as we pulled out of the parking garage on our way home (She hated the movie, by the way). “Of the millions and millions of smart, righteous, decent people in America, WHY are we stuck having to choose from these two? Isn’t there anyone out there who’s had enough of this bickering and this gridlock and these endless insanely costly, senseless Congressional hearings? Won’t anyone else step up to the plate?
Civil War is a great movie and I strongly recommend it. Beyond the thrilling entertainment it offers, it makes you stop and think long and hard about the perilous State of our Union.
We need to be Americans. Not Republicans. Not Democrats. AMERICANS. We need to build up, not tear down. To compromise. To get along. To be proud of our Country and be a Nation that is admired and envied by the rest of the world.
We need to heed the words of caution told to us 166 years ago by the kind of Leader that seems to have gone the way of the dodo.
“A house divided against itself cannot stand…”
What did you all think?

So I (18M) been through some shit, but whenever I tell anybody, all it does is push them away. I’ll admit to them I’m not confident, but people like a confident person, so they go away. I’ve self-harmed in the past (not anymore because what’s the point, nobody’s coming to my rescue ain’t nobody give af), but people can’t respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves, so they go away. I’ve never told anyone about the self-harm out of fear that they’ll leave me. I’ve never used my trauma to manipulate anyone (ie, “I’m gonna hurt myself if you leave me”) and I’ve never really taken my shit out on others.
It’s not like I’m making their lives worse by being this way (maybe I am unintentionally). I always try to be nice and I feel like I’m a nice dude. I always have empathy for people, I just wish they would feel the same way. I have nobody to talk to and it baffles me how people will just leave if you tell them you don’t feel good about yourself because that’s what the internet or people who lack empathy tell you to do. Women don’t want a weak man.
And yeah, it might be inconsiderate to put them in that position, I mean it’s not their problem. Why should they have to deal with it? That is why I will never open up to anyone about something until I’ve moved past that specific thing because honestly I don’t trust anyone to help me except the people that are paid to. I don’t blame anyone honestly. It’s mean to open up because you put them in a position to where they feel morally obligated to help you, they don’t have to. The best thing you can do for a person is to give them as little to worry about as possible, no matter how much it hurts.
Empathy does not exist. It is up to me and me only to deal with my shit. Only then will people want to be around me. I just have to make sure to not be upset in front of anyone when new shit comes up, otherwise they’ll see me as weak and leave. I refuse to become an asshole to cope with my shit. I will always be considerate and be there for others because I want to help them to grow into better people even though I will never receive the same. Sorry for all the shits. Honestly though, it’s getting really hard to keep going on. I need new ways to cope with things alone. From what I’ve seen Reddit is one of the few places where you can ask for advice without being judged, so what should I do?
And sorry if my tantrum makes you uncomfortable or hurt in any way, that is not my intention, but I don’t know what to do. Plus, I can’t lose what I don’t have, so I have nothing to lose by asking you guys. I have to be doing something wrong, maybe I’m hurting others somehow? Making friends is easy, but I just can’t open up to them for the reasons above. I’m physically unable to cry and I think I’ve gone emotionally numb in some way.

TLDR; Movie Review - Civil War
Whew! I just watched the movie, Civil War.
I have a lot to say, but don’t think I’ll be capable of unpacking it all articulately enough to express myself, without coming off as a disgruntled, far-right nutjob. Because I’m not one. If you must know, I’m only a touch right-of-center in my ideology. An Independent, to tell the truth. But nowadays, it seems, if the needle isn’t buried on the left side of the meter, you are officially a disgruntled, far-right nutjob.
But before you start grinding your molars and turning the page, hear me out.
Oh, and I’m going to try not to – but if a spoiler slips past me, you’ve been warned.
For starters, let me make clear that I am not fooled for a millisecond by the movie’s main intent. It is leftist propaganda at its finest. It’s the Nazi’s Triumph of the Will; Orwell’s 1984; and the Ku Klux Klan’s Birth of a Nation, all rolled into one, but with a fifty-million-dollar budget – the most expensive movie ever made by A24 Productions. There is a passing scene in the movie where actress Cailee Spaeny, playing Jessie, a bright-eyed, upstart photojournalist, while fawning over her idol, the legendary war photographer, Lee Smith, played by Kirsten Dunst, talks about the award-winning shot at “The Antifa Massacre” that made Lee famous. This seems to suggest Antifas are noble freedom fighters, but forgets the real life destruction of the Berkley Riots; the Portland Protests, and the Seattle Autonomous Zone, where a capital city was held hostage for nearly a month.
The movie’s release, hot on the heels of the 2024 Presidential election, was by design, not coincidence. You know it. I know it. We all know it. Hollywood wants this movie fresh in everyone’s minds when they go to the polls. The movie is a calculated foreshadowing. The message: “Elect the Orange Guy and this will happen to our country.”
The movie is Hollywood’s love letter to the Liberal elite and mainstream media’s wettest dream.
Some of the best war movies in cinematic history are those that portrayed a certain ambiguity about war, and humanized both sides and their causes. Just who was the Good Guy and who the Bad, was a little fuzzy, at times. Hell in the Pacific; Platoon; and Letters from Iwo Jima, come to mind. Civil War is not one of those films, even if it pretended to be by making its Dark Side an alliance of two regions of the United States that are about as ideologically compatible as AOC and MTG.
So, don’t think I’m fooled. I’m not. The movie is, indeed, all of the above. But let me tell you what else it is.
It’s the best movie I’ve seen in years.
The cinematography is breathtaking. The acting, superb. The action sequences, heart-pounding. Director Alex Garland paints with exquisite, horrifying detail what life (and death) would be like for us all if the United States of America tore itself apart from within. One brutal battle scene that really sticks with me, is set against the backdrop of a place that symbolizes the very essence of peace, love and happiness. The juxtaposition is jarring. But it is a very real reminder that there is no escape from the terrible ravages of war.
While I cannot deny there were times in the movie I found my slightly-right-of-center molars grinding – especially with its mocking portrayal of our nation’s leader and 50% of our country’s population – I could not dislike this movie. When the battle reached our nation’s capital and the tracer rounds were peppering the Lincoln Memorial, I literally felt sick to my stomach – and so profoundly sad to watch the desecration of a place I have always considered a sacred symbol of our Country. Though I could smell the popcorn in the air and knew it was only a movie, my heart broke at the realization that we Americans are a deeply divided People.
“Why?” I asked my wife as we pulled out of the parking garage on our way home (She hated the movie, by the way). “Of the millions and millions of smart, righteous, decent people in America, WHY are we stuck having to choose from these two? Isn’t there anyone out there who’s had enough of this bickering and this gridlock and these endless insanely costly, senseless Congressional hearings? Won’t anyone else step up to the plate?
Civil War is a great movie and I strongly recommend it. Beyond the thrilling entertainment it offers, it makes you stop and think long and hard about the perilous State of our Union.
We need to be Americans. Not Republicans. Not Democrats. AMERICANS. We need to build up, not tear down. To compromise. To get along. To be proud of our Country and be a Nation that is admired and envied by the rest of the world.
We need to heed the words of caution told to us 166 years ago by the kind of Leader that seems to have gone the way of the dodo.
“A house divided against itself cannot stand…”

My friend of 10 years recently came out of the closet by telling me how he felt about me. I had a feeling thoughtout the past 5 years that was the case, but i never pushed for an answer, since I had no interest in him. He came out 8 months ago and it kinda shook me how he approached it. This is when I first clearly told him I didn't want a relation ship because I am not gay. The examples of why he thought I were into him were everyday stuff, me just being nice and a friend, things I find very normal in a friendship like sharing a bed if there is no extra matress or playing that kicking game on the couch, where you push your feet to see who the strongest is, i guess. Things I've done with all my friends. We had a talk and it seemed like he understood what I said about there being no intentional romace between us and that he must have misunderstood some situations. Things went back to normal and I thought he got over it. Fastforward 8 months, he tells me he has something to say and I immediately assume the worst. A few days go by and he's to nevous to tell me what he wants to say, until I really push to get it out of him. He tells me and again it's about how he feel towards me and that he really thought about it over the last months. I accept the conversation and tries to understand why he still feels this way when it seemed like he had accepted me saying NO and moved on. This is where it gets weird. He starts saying that he doesn't have any feelings for me and that it's purely sexual "I just want to have fun", which is not how he usually speaks and it freaked me out a little since at this point I had already told him NO multiple times. He then says: "I don't believe you", which is a very scary sentence to hear when you repeatedly have siad no 8 months ago and now. We go back and forth with me telling him that it almost sounds like a threat him not believeing that i have no sexual or romantic interest in him and him saying I do want him and always have. He now starts making up scenarios and conversations that have never happened. This is where one of our mutual friends joins the conversation and tries backing me up, because we also have known each other for about 10 years, telling him that I would never say or do stuff like that. This made him ticked him off in some way and he left and then started spamming my messages with stuff like we have to not see each other ever again, where I reply asking how this will affect the others (The rest of the friendgroup). He tells me that they will have to choose and that they will probably chose me. I try to comfort him saying that they would never choose anyone, because we are all friends. He then starts sharing all the stories he made up with the rest of the group and calls me manipulative and a monster. I now have to explain the situation to everyone and it obviously doesn't go his way, only making him go even deeper into his delusion. He is not too close with 1 of us in the group and only actively does stuff with 1 other, but this puts it all onto our friend caught in the middle of all this. He says he wasted the past 10 years of his life as if we were only friends because he wanted to get close with me, explaining why he never really got close with the goup, he didn't open up much. I am ready to cut ties with him since he can't accept that I don't want to get with him and that is apparaently all the has mattered since the beggining to him. Personally I think he is wway too far gone in the delusion that I want to get with him to solve this in any other way than cutting ties. I am just unsure how this will affect the group or if I am overreacting and just need to deal with the situation differently. (I am scared on his behalf because his mental health has never been good and this is a hard hit to it it seems. He is very impulsive and he very well could do something he would regret)
Bit of a long one, might have gone into too much detail somewhere. Hope to get some help.

So I'm 28f and she is 25f and we've been close friends for a year and a half or so, and moved in together in December.
TW: suicide/self harm
Everything was really great and remains (to my knowledge) totally fine in terms of our living situation. We have opposite schedules, she has a serious bf and lots of close friends so she's rarely even home. I, on the other hand, am on the spectrum and while I do well I don't really have a lot of friends and none of them are that close. A lot of people like me but everyone seems to have their own circles that I just don't fit into.
The first few months she (I'll call her Sophie) and I still hung out like we used to, I was invited to parties with her friends/bf, a lot of the people in her group join later or by proxy of another person so I really felt comfortable and welcome. I don't like text her friends or anything but we get along when we're all together.
The past two months, for no reasons I know, I haven't had a full conversation with Sophie. She never comes home except drunk super late, never invites me out when she's going out casually, never follows up when I ask if she wants to go do xyz. If she is home when I am she's in her room watching family guy until she leaves. I chalked it up to busyness and social exhaustion even if I was feeling increasingly lonely, and let it go.
Yesterday was a really bad day for me. I'm off my meds because I'm too broke to afford them right now, my abusive estranged father is on his death bed, and I've recently had to go NC with my mom. Mother's day kinda just broke me. I was sobbing in bed all morning and had to miss work because I could not stop. I was hyperventilating and having suicidal thoughts.
Sophie had to work but she did see me and asked if I wanted to just chill and watch a movie when she got home from work and I agreed that it would be a nice distraction. I did share with her that I was having harmful thoughts as she is my closest friend, my emergency contact, and she goes through it too. A friend of hers was hospitalized for self harm just a few months back and she was so great with her so I felt it was okay to tell her and helped hold myself accountable.
5pm hits and she texts me saying that she forgot about a prior hangout she had scheduled and she'd be home but really late. I was admittedly internally upset but I didn't say anything to her about it and went on with my breakdown alone. I did text a few people I'm kinda friends with but they were all busy.
Later in the night, maybe 9ish, my mom texted me passive aggressively about mother's day and I somehow spiraled further. I searched my apartment up and down for something to hurt myself with that wasn't one of Sophie's kitchen knifes but could only find a dull blade of my own and they didn't do very much.
The attempt to SH failing made me feel really stupid and I just went back to hyperventilating alone again.
At midnight I texted Sophie very casually to ask if she was coming home because I could use a talk but made it clear that I knew she was out and about and she didn’t have to I was just anxious and wondering what to expect.
Her reply.. confused me.
She basically told me she was triggered (no explanation why) and wasn't coming home. I apologized for triggering her and said it was okay, just to let me know what not to do in the future so I could avoid doing that again with a heart. She didn't respond.
This morning I was worried she maybe thought I was being passive aggressive and didn't want there to be a misunderstanding so I texted her and clarified that I was being genuine, that the last thing I wanted was to upset her or overwhelm her. She replied wuth an oddly cold message saying it was okay and she didn't think I was being rude.
So, conversation started and me feeling increasingly like I've done something horribly wrong, I ask if she wants to talk later in the week, not even necessarily about this but just in general because I miss talking with her. I also said I understood if she didn't want that and just wanted space, and asked that she please just tell me if she wants me to back off or if I was overwhelming her. She knows I'm autistic and really struggle reading emotions (also who can over text?) so I do sometimes need them communicated clearly.
She said a chat later in the week would be great.
Before I left for work this morning, I wrote on my side of our shared whiteboard that we're always making jokes on "to-do: salvage friendship." I guess this was stupid but I thought it would be jokey tension relief.
While I was at work today I got a very very long message from Sophie saying I was overwhelming her and she wasn't going to tell me but what I wrote on the whiteboard made her "uncomfortable in our shared living space" and even more overwhelmed.
I apologized and thanked her for telling me she was overwhelmed, and I did point out that I really didn't know what I was doing wrong in her eyes and I would have stopped messaging her altogether if I had known that it was worsening things. In my mind I was trying to make sure we were okay, that there wasn't some random thing I did that I could fix of I just knew about it. I wasn't spamming her by any means, I was mostly only replying when she replied and trying to gauge where we were at because she was not telling me.
So now I'm a confused mess of frustrated and terrified and sad. I gave her multiple chances where I flat out asked if I was overwhelming her and she would reply but not answer that question. I understand avoiding it, I do it too sometimes, but I feel like I'm somehow taking the blame for her not just... telling me when I asked. I'm ashamed that I'm suddenly jealous of her dropping everything for her other friends whenever they need it when she's just overwhelmed by me. I'm terrified that I'll lose my best friend; frankly I'm terrified that I'm already in the process of losing her. I'm sad and I just don't know what to do.
I know I have blame here, I should've been better about inferring from coldness in the texts, I probably shouldn't have told her I was suicidal (I just I thought you were supposed to tell people who you love about that stuff when you don't really wanna be thinking it), I should have just dealt with all of this on my own like I did before Sophie. I know it isn't fair for her to be my only close friend, but I am very aware of that and I try really really hard not to lean on her a lot.
I could just use some advice about our talk later this week so it isn't just me blubbering and apologizing and asking how I can be better. Before anyone says it, I have full intentions to get back on my meds as soon as I can also pay rent and have them. Unfortunately housing takes slight priority. As for any therapy, I don't have health insurance and I can't afford it. I make too much money for any support or low income programs but I pay over $800/month in medical bills from when I had insurance that make it so I can't afford anything but the government doesn't care. I am a huge proponent of therapy - I went from non-verbal to fully verbal 8 years ago because of CBT, it changed my life - I just don't have access.
I guess I'm mostly looking for outside takes. What I did wrong, primarily, because while I don't think I was doing things perfectly I can't seem to pinpoint the thing I did that tipped the scales exactly. Also advice on what to say/how to say things better? I try to be very very clear with what I say to the point of overexplaining sometimes because I want to make sure my meaning gets across properly, but while I thought this was considerate it seems to be backfiring on me.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Dear M&M,
This is a list of what the nasty "JE"rk has done to me over decades. Now I'm writing this out bc I would like you to know how he has manipulated and hurt me throughout my life. Mostly, to show you that he went to extremes bc my love for you was all encompassing. When he would put me under hypnosis I wouldn't relent. I wouldn't stop loving you. And he beat me up for it. Look, my sweet M&M, I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Or that you have to love me. No, I just want to clear the air finally. To bring truth to what was done. You deserve that. You went through so much as well. And I would love to keep this kind of stuff private but he took that away and im left to tell the world our story so you can at least know i never gave up on you. Bc a part of me knows you never gave up on me. Also, if anyone reads this I'm healed enough to talk about everything. Don't be sad for me. I'm a super resilient person at this point and mentally tough.💪
So here it goes ok, things that happened to me that he did:

1. He raped me along with other men.
2. He told me never to say anything or he would kill me and hurt you.
3. He said he would break us up if I said anything.
4. Later, after he was appointed the investigator of the gang rape he took me and used hypnosis and torture, so as to keep me from telling the truth.
5. Him and his buddies took me to a room to discuss how they were going to destroy "evidence" which was me. Someone mentioned "get her to kill herself". So JE used hypnosis and he almost succeeded except I was found on time. It was clear he needed me to appear crazy and suggested everything that happened was bc of my past. It was part of the script I was supposed to say.
6. It became clear you wanted justice and didn't know who JE really was. He had to block my memories by taking me to a hotel where he used torture and hypnosis at the same time. He repeatedly raped me at the hotel. After several weekends I lost all conscious awareness of who you were M&M. You would appear and I wouldn't know your name or that we had a relationship.
7. He constantly blocked you and the investigation and turned it around on you, M&M.
8. He used hypnosis on me to say you sexually assaulted me. I was being questioned in the same room that JE and the other men raped me. My supervisor was getting tired of waiting around bc I kept telling them, "He didn't do anything wrong. "... once my supervisor left, JE brought out the gold chain (hypnosis) and recorded me saying you sexually assaulted me.
9. At this point, I was trained with the hypnosis, but I fought hard for you. JE also used hypnosis on other women, and they wrongfully accused you as well under hypnosis.
10. He made sure to continue to degrade me to my supervisor, and I got a "15" bc he insisted I was out of line for what happened between you and me..(SMH).
11. He took possession of all my paperwork and destroyed everything connected to you, M&M. He destroyed every memory of us and every picture. He destroyed "US."
12. He did various things to other women I'm not going to mention here.
13. He made up lies about my past to use and weaponize against me and you, or suggest it was for my protection he went to this extreme.
14. All communication between us both was severely compromised. I never received anything from you. He would make me dictate letters and write them out under hypnosis.
15. He forwarded all my mail to his home.
16. He has been monitoring my online activities since online became a thing.
17. Through hypnosis, he was able to manage to get me into relationships that destroyed my self-esteem and worth even more so. This, bc he knew you were waiting it out. Even this last time with my ex-husband. Relationships I would have never entered, but he intervened.
18. He kept me from my Gd.
19. Throughout the time he took possession of me, he painted himself as my boyfriend to others so that they wouldn't believe he was part of the gang rape or that he was continuing to rape me.
20. I was hypnotized to play a role and pretend that I wanted to be with him. That I loved him, etc.
21. People found out so he put more pressure on me and really did such a number on me mentally that I would never know you M&M (not getting into how he tortured me to lose all conscious awareness of ever knowing you M&M)
22. He's most likely kept recordings and records of this as he plays for life since what he did was catastrophic. Too many people found out the truth. I have my mind and voice back, which is the real truth.
23. He intervened with any success I could have had from going to grad school, including failing a class, gre,... having to leave prestigious work positions bc I didn't know why I was severely suffering from ptsd... bc part of the script is keeping me down. Too much clout, and he won't be believed if I succeeded professionally. PHD etc.
24. My kiddo dude... this one kills me. I was kept down so much that I hardly had the strength to fight anymore.
25. I was never going to remember you, but I did... and I'm so very grateful 🙏 now. Bc I know what love really is. I have that, at least.

There's a lot more, but that would be longer, and this is loonngg..
So dude, that's some of it. I'm just sad that I can't really discuss this in private with you bc he has compromised so much of my communication with you. The goal was for me to never know you or that I loved you so that I could clear your name and tell the truth of what was really done to us both.

Read the TL;DR if you don’t read anything else.
Before all the context, I’d like to establish that I have already decided to not break up or end any friendships so please do not suggest that as it’s not even an option. I don’t need any help deciding a course of action, I just need help with my own emotions as well as the lack of said emotions.
Context for what happened:
Two nights before I was told, we were all hanging out as usual with my bf (I’ll call him D) at his house and I was having a rough time with anxiety so I went to bed first. It was about 3am when I went to sleep in mt bfs bedroom on the main floor and so they stayed up because they were still pretty awake. I was asleep the whole time. I was told that D and my best friend (I’ll call them S) fell asleep on the upstairs together. I assume it was in a spooning position? Anyway, D told me that he half-woke up to petting S’s back (something he does with me too when we co-sleep) and it turned into nudging, then cuddling up, then D feeling S up, which became neck kisses and grinding from S which ended up with D rubbing S’s clit which he then abruptly became fully awake and went downstairs to crawl into bed with me.
I then awoke in the morning after about… 3(?) hours of sleep and had breakfast, then went back to bed after S left for work. The rest of this first day since it happening was a bit pff but I am fairly oblivious at the beginning of being exposed to an “off atmosphere” or “tension” of any kind so I didn’t notice D feeling weird until S came back from work and they acted like normal (very big-sibling-little-sibling energy) so I suspected literally nothing. The rest of that day was both of them trying to figure out if the other remembered anything and when we all went out for an errand I had to make, food, and groceries, and when we got to the grocery store S stayed in my car but I had to come back to the car due to my anxiety flaring tf up. I asked to be left alone but S got out of the car and I attributed it to them taking my request as literally as possible. I then sat with my anxiety until I calmed down and the two of them returned. They had addressed the situation between themselves in the store. Everyone was definitely feeling off but I didn’t really know the why for anyone but myself. S left immediately after I drove back to D’s place. They ended up parking in a nearby school parking lot and sobbing to W about it before they were able to head home.
Until the next morning when I was told, I genuinely didn’t think much of anything due to the immense amount of anxiety I had been having. I went to sleep early and D tried to stay up for his sibling night ritual he has with his siblings. He joined me in bed about a half hour into the morning they were watching together. This morning he essentially told me what I’ve written down.
Context for the next day discussion:
I haven’t felt anything I’d consider as emotional distress or pain, even when I was told. I only felt really sad over potentially losing the four-player stardew co-op D and I had with S and their long-distance bf (I’ll call him W) I was only briefly sad about it though. Anyway, after comforting D through his confession and the huge emotional anguish he was in, I headed to S’s place to do the same for them. S and I talked about having a discussion with the three of us with W on a video call on S’s phone. D agreed when I proposed this idea so I drove S over to D’s house.
I’d say the discussion went very well. They decided to not just end their friendship straight up and to try and move on from the incident with mine and W’s encouragement. I’m satisfied with this decision. W has agreed as well.
Context for S and D’s dynamic:
S and D have basically become best friends after D and I helped S through a super duper rough time in their life several months ago. S and D both see each other as one of their best friends (D said S is his best friend while S told me D is definitely one of their top best friends) and S felt that the “correct thing to do” was to full stop their friendship with D, despite not wanting to lose that bond in the slightest. D didn’t want it to seem like he was trying to change S’s mind so he didn’t reiterate his feelings to stay friends from when he expressed them in the store.
I relate to S’s attitude as I also felt that I wasn’t feeling the “correct” emotions. But for me, I was super glad to not be upset at all as when I am deeply upset, I tend to struggle with handling said emotions and am oftentimes rendered unable to function due to this. I’m working on it with my therapist, don’t worry. (Btw I’m writing to Reddit as my next therapy appointment is still several days away, I’m gonna bring this up to my therapist, don’t fret)
Further context that I feel is important:
D feels the worst he’s ever felt and I can tell. Neither of them cry… ever. So for them to both respectively sob for an extended period of time as I held them was a new experience for me but I was told I was doing a great job comforting (I’m typically awful at comforting anyone lmao) I am a deeply empathetic and intensely emotional person so I feel the yucky feeling they both said they felt but I don’t feel anger or any betrayal or anything.
Additionally, I have never been in this position before and I’ve already decided and explicitly expressed that I don’t consider it to be cheating. W agreed with me too. We didn’t consider this cheating due to the lack of: * Any true intent/desire * Any deception or secrecy, * Any full on sexual intimacy, oral or penatrative * It happening more than once
Aside from that, the clear intense and incessant guilt, shame, sadness, etc. that they both feel from it all is proof enough that they didn’t want it, didn’t mean it, and regret it deeply. Both myself and W don’t exactly feel betrayed as it was addressed, confessed, and resolved as soon as circumstances allowed it to be. It’s definitely weird feeling so… nonchalant about it all? I’m usually the most sensitive and emotional person in the room at any given time so it’s a foreign experience all together.
D expressed to me that he never even thought the situation to be possible but I mentioned that he’s very inexperienced and seems to have just not known himself as much as he thought he did. I’m his first ever romantic relationship and his first sexual partner too and he’s unconsciously felt me up in his sleep to the point of intercourse several times before.
They each deserve the other’s friendship and during our resolution discussion they both expressed that they didn’t want to just abandon their bond. I wholeheartedly agree and support the decision to mend the torn dynamic as best as possible. I fully believe that I would be absolutely devastated if I wasn’t able to play the new stardew update with the three of them… or any other video games or group activities, really lol. I don’t do well with big and sudden changes like that.
What im asking for advice on:
I have not been upset by this at all and I’m extremely relieved that S and D are healing their wounded friendship. However, I’ve been feeling yucky and it keeps I guess building on itself so I’m feeling yuckier and yuckier as more and more time passes and in top of all that… I think I feel… turned on by one of the details of the incident??? I would attribute this to my past and long ended courtship of S from when they and I first became friends.
I don’t really feel shame about it but I’m not sure how I will treat any future physical intimacy I have with D with this… visual in my mind now. How do I even address that with him??? Do I address it with him????? I am not one to hide or take anything to the grave so I don’t know if I can’t address it at all.
TL;DR: title essentially says it all but note that I’m NOT ending ANY of my relationships with them (so PLEASE don’t comment if that’s all you want to advise me to do) and I’ll be bringing this all up in my next therapy session but since that is several days away, I’d basically just like help on what is described in the paragraphs of the “what I’m asking for advice on” section of my post.
I just don’t understand how to help myself deal with or handle the weird/inconvenient emotions I do feel about all this so can y’all offer any insight to this?

I was going through all the VR challenges following optinoobs guides and others posts and seeing that rulers/bonds is the hardest and once you do that, to be a hero is just a "victory lap" because it's so easy. Alright then so why am i struggling so much on this shit? I one shot both rulers and bonds and I'm on attempt... Idk 15 at this point on to be a hero and it's genuinely just starting to suck the life out of me to finish the games platinum. I'm so fucking close and THIS is what is holding me up? The supposed easiest VR mission and I'm getting creamed time and time again while following the guide step by step to the letter and bad RNG is getting me nearly every damn time on quite a few of these different fights...
I've made it to Odin once and it unfortunately fell apart and in 10 or so tries I have yet to get back to Odin either dieing to the jabberwocky/Alex/Bahamut.
What the fuck dude. How is this the easy one lol? Zack felt far more useful than Sephiroth in Bonds and for some reason the timing of some bosses during "critical moments" in a fight tends to vary slightly to the point that if RNG can straight up kill your run...
Anyone got any advice aside from "taking a break" because I've already taken a break and just came back because I want it to be DONE. 280 hours in this game and I'm basically right at the finish line and this is what's stopping me...

Hi everyone, hope you're well if you're reading this, and apologies for the long post.
I'm a white European guy (36) and have been with my Indian Fiancé (31) (originally from Kerala) for nearly 4 years now. Very much in love, and our relationship is nearly perfect when we are together. She has struggled with anxiety and depression for some time now, and it's reached an all time low now.
I'm sure you've probably guessed from the above sentence alone, but I was asked to be okay with keeping the relationship a secret from her parents and community, and I went along with this despite, honestly, seeing it as ludicrous. It was hand waived away as a cultural difference by my partner, and she was happy to keep the status quo for a while.
When we got engaged, she obviously told her parents, and the reaction was somewhat dramatic - I'm sure again, that if you're reading this, you can probably guess the events and behaviours without me going into them.
I wrote her family a letter, introducing myself and asking for their blessing, saying that I was looking forward to meeting them - this was met with further hostility. I'm a big believer in tackling problems head on, and wanted to simply knock on their door and have a conversation, but I was begged not to by my fiancé.
Life continued with its usual ups and downs, with attempts at interference by her cousins (one saying she should leave as I'm not Indian, another saying that a long-term illness I was suffering with meant she should leave me - the irony in two men who regularly cheat on their wives and families giving relationship advice about a couple they'd never met was somewhat funny), again I was begged not to say anything and I complied despite my anger at this.
I love her dearly, and would do near anything for her, and it breaks my heart to see her struggling with her mental health, things have gotten much worse recently.
Last week, out of nowhere, we had a call (she's currently in India with her mother), and she was completely broken and tried to break up with me, with no reason given. There's no other man, she still loves me, but "this is the best decision for her right now", said through sobs - I disagreed completely, I've been in enough relationships to know when things are going wrong and coming to an end, and we'd just spent a weekend together madly in love and having a great time. We spoke about getting her some more therapy, and our plans for the future etc., so this conversation came as quite a blow - I agreed to give her some time & space, and quite honestly, after this conversation I needed the same, I was so bitterly disappointed. Take away all of the family nonsense, and this is a near perfect relationship being chipped away at by utter bullshit.
I then made a decision (after consulting several of my own friends and family) - I love this woman, and I'm not giving up without a fight, if the relationship dies then at least I did what I felt was the right thing to do.
I wanted to just get the worst of her anxieties dealt with, something I should have done years ago. I decided after a few days of space, to go and meet her community at their church , and from there, I'd bring lunch around to her Dad and have a civilised conversation about everything - I didn't want her involved in the decision as I knew she'd back down and give in to fear.
I attended their service (asking for permission from the clergy to do so), was respectful, and met very many lovely people, I came away from this with an invite to a kids baptism, several phone numbers of new friends, and all around it was a great time, they wouldn't let me leave and were very hospitable. I ensured that I was humble, but was honest when asked who I knew there, and my reasons for attending (stating that my partner was worried I wouldn't fit it, and I was going to surprise her by having already been).
I then went and spoke with her father, who again, was very kind and gentle, we shared a laugh over several things, I apologised for my part in not meeting them sooner, but said that I'd had enough of the secrecy and would love to get to know the family better, and have bygones be bygones, I also apologised for turning up unannounced, that it wasn't my intent to be disrespectful and was in fact the opposite - so far so good.
My partner called me a few hours later, initially a little annoyed with me, but soon realised I was doing this to support her, and she thanked me for being 'courageous', and we reconciled, reaffirming our relationship and love for one another.
Cut to today, and again she's in massive amounts of turmoil, apparently despite the outward appearances of kindness, members of her community have been 'shaming' the mother who is hugely embarrassed by my actions (I'm in my late thirties, I don't need anyone's permission to go anywhere, nor do I think what I did was embarrassing at all), and is now exerting more pressure on my fiancé due to the shame of what I've done (I feel absolutely no shame for this). We haven't broken up, and I kept reasserting that, if we communicate, there's nothing we can't get past.
I feel that all of this is absolutely insane - I treat their daughter always with kindness, respect and love, have plans for a very wholesome future, have a great career, look after my own parents very well, etc., but I can't win for losing.
I show some guts, and its deemed as 'outrageous'. I stay quiet, and I still lose. I'm getting tired of dealing with this bullshit, I'm too old to be worried about what other people think of my relationship (that they know nothing about aside from my skin colour being different to my partners). But I do care deeply about my partner, she's everything to me.
I'm looking for advise from anyone who's been in a similar situation, my gut instinct is telling me I need to confront her mother when she returns as I feel it's about time that we all acted like rational adults about this, but I fear my fiancé is too fragile to cope with this. In the meantime, I'm trying to source a decent therapist for her, as I fear she nearing crisis point with her mental health (regardless if we end up apart, I want her to be well).
TL;DR: Indian fiancés parents and community interfering in my relationship with her, I can't seem to make any headway, advice and experience sought.
Thanks for reading friends!

Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.

When I (23F) first started working at my job, I met my former friend (21F)(let's call her K). K and I knew each other because her training partner was in my orientation class. When we first met, she briefly complained that her ex bf (23M)(let's call him D) had followed her to our work and he got a job at our work as well.
K and I worked in the same department, different areas. When K and I got close, I told her that I got promoted and was working in another area. K told me that D was also working in the same area and to not talk about her at work. I didn't pry into what had happened between the two of them because how people mourn their broken relationships is different. I just moved along my business and just do my job per usual. I didn't officially meet him until a couple weeks later, and the first couple of instances, I treated him as I would treat any coworker and just did my job, never asked to hang out outside of work, just treated my coworkers with respect until I have a reason not to.
Then, out of nowhere, every room I had walked into and he saw me, D gave me a look of disgust with me, a snobby look, as if I was below him. D had gone so far as to exclude me from group conversations with coworkers and I didn't really know why because I never brought up K with him or with anyone. It wasn't until I told her what had happened and she was like "Yeah I told him that we knew each other because we're still talking as friends." In my mind I was like "?????" I thought it was uncalled for and unnecessary. I informed K that D intentionally excludes me out of conversations with coworkers that I was also friendly with and K told me, "If he likes you, he likes you, if he doesn't, he doesn't", but insinuating that I did something wrong, so I just decided to keep my distance from K for awhile.
I didn't like D at all at this point, not because of his association with K, but because he was the worst person to work with! He was always bitching and complaining about moving carts and complaining in front of customers about how he's tired and how he hates working, etc etc. There was a time where he was the only guy not doing anything and standing around and I politely asked him to move a cart and he threw a fit in front of customers and demanded another girl nearby to do it for him. He wasn't on any work restrictions, nothing, just didn't want to do his job. I understand not liking your job, but it's never an excuse to under perform at your job. And because of him, many others decided to throw a fit about working to the point where, I had to attend meetings about it. The times I treated him nicely, he gave me a dirty look. All the times to where I just ignored him and did my job, he also gave me a dirty look. It got so bad that management decided to announce that anyone refusing to do their job would be reprimanded, rightfully so. I was so mad about it to the point where I requested that I be demoted back to my original workplace (which I love so much) and to just call me in when necessary.
Some time passes by and K and I become really close, I don't pry into her life because tbh, I didn't have a lot of trust for her when it comes to talking about work, so I just kept it at what was going on at where I first got hired at work. K told me around August that her and D were no longer on speaking terms and that she had gone no contact because she claimed that he was abusive and narcissistic. We became very close to where we were constantly talking to each other everyday.
K was living good after cutting out D in her life. She started becoming more social and more lively, she went on vacation, she was just glowing in a way that you knew she was happy. On the other hand, based on my conversations with her, I could tell that she was struggling to come to terms with being abused by this guy. Ex: her supervisor came into my office and we were talking about how amazing K was and I told her that story, K became scared that I even had a conversation with her supervisor, but until I told her that we were talking about how amazing she was, K started to cry tears of joy.
And then things took a turn for the worse. A couple of weeks ago, K told me that she just wants to just isolate herself and that she felt lost in life. I told her that I'd be praying for her. And then, I had asked her if she wanted to come to the movies with me and a couple of my friends. K asked me who was going and I told her my friend (lets call her S) S (20F) was going to go. S and I have worked with D and S told me that she's also had issues with D, but didn't go into detail as to what happened. K immediately informed me that she and D had recently started talking again and that if she heard me or S talk about D in a negative manner, then she would tell him. I told her that my issues with D are nothing personal, my issue was that he wasn't a good employee and basically called him an inconsiderate asshat. I told her that he had the right to not like his workplace, but it gave him no right to under perform his job. K told me that she'd pass this message along and I firmly told her no because she didn't know what the new updates were and new disciplinary actions were because she didn't receive proper training at my work area and therefore not eligible.
I reminded her that it wasn't a good idea to be speaking to D again, considering that she was happy post life after D and based on what she has told me, that it was abusive. I told K that she needed to reconsider her stance on where she stood with D.
A week passes and S and our friend E (21M) decided to take an impromptu visit to our workplace to have some fun. I texted K if she was working and K told me she was. I told K that we'd be visiting mine and S's area first before visiting K and she seemed excited. While we were in line talking, S had spotted from the corner of her eye that D was working and so S and I hid behind our friend E and had E briefly talk to D in order to get serviced (basically just telling D that we were a party of 3). Once the coast was clear, S confides in me and E about her history with D. Her history with D started when D asked her to hang out a total of two times throughout the course of their friendship, but said that D had a crush on her, writing her paragraphs, but she wasn't into D because he wasn't her type, and when she told him honestly and politely, the friendship had soured, and D had resorted to degrading her.
We came to K's work area and I had introduced S and E to K. The next morning, K texted me saying how it was so nice to see my face because it was a long night and that it was so nice to meet S and E. I told K that E's birthday was coming up and so was mine and that we were talking about taking a trip to Universal Studios Hollywood. K told me that she was a huge Universal Studios enthusiast and to give her a date to go and she'll request the day off.
I made a group chat with all of us in it, to plan out our trip to Universal. S and E hit it off with K. And then a couple of days ago, when I came home from work, I noticed that K had unadded me as a friend on Snapchat. I texted her, asking if she was okay. I got a response the next morning of K texting me, "Please don't talk to me. You've really caused issues and you'll find out later." I was upset and taken aback. This is not the K that I knew. One of the rare times K and I had a disagreement, we would always talk it out like adults and then apologize to each other. K didn't explain to me as to what I did wrong. I couldn't think of what could I have done wrong. The only recent disagreement that I had with her was her speaking to D again.
After work that day, S texted me to ask if I was okay. I told her no because K abruptly ended our friendship with no explanation whatsoever. S called me because she too wanted to know the reason why. S and I came to the conclusion that because K and D were still talking to each other and that because S and D had a history, he found out that K was going to Universal with us, and in order to keep her under his control, he fed her lies about S and I, enough for her to stop talking to me. S told me that she was upset that his actions with her resulted in the demise of our friendship and I told S that it wasn't her fault that, D was scared of being exposed, so he played the victim card.
S told me she'd pull up the receipts of their conversations. The receipts she pulled up was abhorrent. It was misogynistic, sexist, manipulative, and arrogant in the worst way possible and he used religion against S as well as used many of his victim cards (race card, religion card, etc). S was also explaining to E and I many different instances of what had happened and that she felt bad for K because if he spoke this way to a friend, imagine how he spoke to K. I immediately felt so much empathy for both S and K because they had been both dragged through the mud, with D villainizing S for having a preference for another type of guy, and D villainizing K to others. So the next day, at work, with S's permission, I told majority of my colleagues that D was an inconsiderate asshat, misogynistic, and an abusive person towards people, and outright a narcissistic person while showing everyone the screenshots of his conversations with S. AITAH for exposing D to colleagues for his behavior? (sorry for the long read)

my mind is super clouded and I'd love to know if anyone else has had experience with this, or has been in a similar situation.
I met someone 5 months ago, and we've been seeing each other consistently for a while. I'll call him Z. things started off feeling quite casual, as we met via an app that conveys our kinks and sexual interests. this was the kind of slow-burn dating that I really enjoy. Z listens to my interests and suggests fun dates, he's also open to trying new things and shares a similar adventurous attitude towards things that I do. we're also both immigrants to the city we live in and are enjoying exploring together.
over time, my fondness for Z has grown. I knew I really liked him but after a little trip I took in february, I was also balancing a long-distance fling who I planned on seeing again. I wanted to clarify my feelings about who I want to continue dating because I want to pursue a real relationship. I booked a trip back to visit my long-distance beau at the end of april. the understanding between Z and I was that we are dating but also not exclusive yet so I was aiming to be respectful when I didn't tell him the exact intent of my travel. after we spent a really nice few day together, he explicitly asked if I was seeing someone on my trip and I was honest and said I was. Z said he respected my space and decision to do so, but when I returned he wanted to talk to me about pursuing a relationship. he expressed that he was very interested in me and he didn't want to see other people.
I went on my trip and on the first day, I ended things with my long-distance fling. I was honest about meeting someone in the city I live in, and that I felt it was the right relationship to pursue. this person wasn't happy of course, but respected that I was honest and open with him. we proceeded to still have a nice trip, and I ended up spending more time solo on that trip than originally planned. it was sweet and we ended things romantically but are remaining on friendly terms.
when I returned home, Z and I made plans to see each other that night and I wanted to tell him that I was ready to talk about a relationship. we had a chill first night back together but the next day he said he really needed to talk to me. I thought it was a number of things, but I couldn't have guessed what it really was.
a few months back, shortly after Z and I met for the first time, he also met someone else who was a short-term fling. this other person lived abroad but came back to visit him. during that time, they had unprotected sex and shortly thereafter, she went home and he ended things. he ended the relationship before he expressed interest in dating only me, and before I went on my trip - and of course I confirmed that there was no crossover with the unprotected sex stuff. he said he didn't see a future with her and that he wasn't interested in long distance since she lives on another continent. she called him while I was on my trip to tell him that she had become pregnant. a few days after I returned home, she called again to say she's keeping it and she's allowing him to either opt out or be involved in whatever capacity he wants.
he was understandably devastated and upset. he's previously expressed he doesn't want children, but if he did want a child, ideally he'd be with that person so they can make an informed decision together. this echoes how I feel about kids and why I also feel we can be a good pair together. I've previously had relationships end because of my ambiguous feelings on children, and ended up with people who decided that was important for them to pursue.
we've spoken at length about what this means and his top concern (or one of them) was me - how I would feel and if this meant I would end things. he told me everything I wanted to know and we spoke at length about well...everything. he's not sure about his involvement yet, he respects this woman and her choice despite being upset and telling her it isn't his desire to bring life into the world this way. I know he's still processing it all and in simply listening and speaking with him about it - it was overwhelming. I told him right away it didn't change how I felt about him and that I still see a future with us. I think he felt relieved. we spent the night together, didn't have sex, but the morning after he left it felt like a bus hit me. all these emotions bubbled up that I wasn't expecting.
thoughts like...was I going to be okay to be second to someone else and their new baby? would he change his mind about this other woman once the baby arrives? do I feel good about potentially being a step mom, way before I ever thought I'd be? he's in his early 40s and I'm in my early 30s, and we're both very career-oriented and travel focused people so it's hard to factor a child into this. I also am having trouble putting aside my personal feelings of resentment, frustration and anxiety - as much as I respect this woman's decision to keep the baby, she's doing it in a way that forces Z to be an absent father if he does choose to be involved since they live in different countries. I also have this bad, gut feeling that she wanted this all along or planned for it because the story of the conception is that she told Z she knows her body and assured him about that. but it's not my place to resent her or have any feelings of that nature. I don't know. I'm all over the place. this is also NOT my problem and there's an alternative option that would be I can completely opt out of this, if I want to.
...but I really like Z. I can tell I'm falling for him. before this happened, I was ready to engage in a relationship with him and really go for it. I cleared my plate, so to speak, to focus on us. we spoke of our ideas for the future and so much of it aligned and made me feel like this could really be my person. would a baby in another country be so bad? I know I'm capable of loving someone else's kid of course. it's all so much and truthfully, him and I are busy people so in the time between seeing him my mind just races about every single possibility.
has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how did it turn out for you?

Why did the farmer visit the pharmacy? To speak with the farm-assist.
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old man who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking in female connection and interaction. And part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too.
I'm just relaxing at work since there's nothing really going on and thinking about going home tonight and burning a woodwick candle. Perfect for when there's a storm outside. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a relationship and something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
As you can tell, I am very mature for my age and am polite and have good grammar which unfortunately not everyone my age does anymore lol. I am not active at all on social media/internet culture really and don't know much about all the slang the younger people these days use. I feel like I'm 50. 🤣
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha. I consider myself pretty intelligent and mature, especially for my age which is why I'm open to older ladies.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera! I'm gonna try and photograph the northern lights tonight!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.

A bit of context: A couple years ago my best friend of over 20 years got engaged. Growing up we always dreamed of being each other's maid of honor, and we were so excited for that to finally come to fruition. Shortly after I ended up coming out as a trans man (I am now 1.5 years on testosterone and pass decently well). She still wanted me to fill the role and instead we changed my title to “best man”.
It was my job to handle her bachelorette party and the guest list consisted of the bride (S), myself, my boyfriend, and three friends from S’s neighborhood who are all a tight knit group (I hadn’t met any of them prior). The group was non-responsive, with me having to triple text them just to get answers to my questions. All of this to say–I was quite anxious going in.
Now for the actual bachelorette party: We started the night at one of the neighborhood friend’s house. The two other neighbors arrived and were helping me set up all of the decorations I bought and were being sweet. S arrives and everyone has a couple drinks and we end up playing a card game that one of them brought. The cards had questions that everyone went around and answered. At one point I get up and leave the room to grab something and I hear the question “Who would look the best as the opposite gender?” I could hear the tension even from the other room and my friend goes “Well obviously (my name)”--I was trying to diffuse the tension and chimed in “Oh ya definitely me–I was cute pre T”. At that point I come back in the room and see S huddled over her phone scrolling, with it turned to the neighbor friends. I walk over to see what they’re looking at and it's my instagram page–she had scrolled all the way back to 2016 (through hundreds of my pre transition pictures) and was showing them a picture of me with long hair and looking all dolled up. She said “Oh I probably should’ve asked you if that was ok huh?”. My heart was racing and I felt like I was having an out of body experience and because I didn’t want to make a big fuss less than an hour after meeting these women I was like “Oh it’s fine!”--complete fawn response. Her friends then started bombarding me with questions about my transition and if I was “a male or female”. I kept explaining that I was a trans man, to which she goes “but what is your BIRTH sex?” and I say “female”. She then proceeded to go on about “Ohhhh ok I can see that now! I can see the balance of feminine and masculine in your face. I can see where if your hair was this current color in that picture you would look the same”. S just sat there, saying nothing and smiling the whole time. This entire interaction was made worse by the fact that later in the night the women were once again looking at a phone S was holding and when I came over and said “What are we all looking at?” she turned the phone away from me and asked one of the women “Is it ok if I show it?”--she said yes and S revealed that it was just a picture of a wedding dress that one of the newly engaged women had tried on.
Shortly after we all head out to dinner. At this point S wasn't drinking and hadn’t had anything to drink in roughly an hour. They were all gossiping about their neighbors and other things and at one point S very nonchalantly informed me that my boyfriend and I were going to be moved to a different table for the reception–instead of sitting with her family as was originally planned. She goes on to say that her mom’s boyfriend (of less than one year) isn’t comfortable sitting next to trans people. She then corrects herself and says “Well actually he didn’t say that–my mom just thinks he’d be uncomfortable and asked that you be moved”. Now. I have known this woman for over 20 years of my life. She is like a second mother to me. To say that I was gutted is an understatement. The waitress overheard the conversation and said “Oh my god that’s horrible! I’m so sorry I don’t mean to interrupt but that’s just awful!”. So it clearly wasn’t just me who understood how awful it was. S then proceeded to make excuses for why he thought that way/why she said that. Namely that he was “assaulted by a man when he was younger”. Again, I had a fawn response as I was just trying to keep it together. Earlier in the night she had been talking the guy up and several times mentioned that he “met RuPaul” as if that was an indicator that he was a good person–but now knowing that the whole time she was aware that he’s transphobic it feels insane that she kept feeling the need to sprinkle that in over and over.
These are just the most egregious things but there were microaggressions that she said through the night (ie going out of her way to inform me that she’s still using they/them pronouns for me because she’s still getting used to he/him–I’ve been going by he/him for over a year now).
All the while my boyfriend was deeply triggered and traumatized by the events as he is also transgender and it brought him right back to when he was earlier on in his transition and had to deal with things like this. He felt paralyzed as I had asked him prior to not say anything if the women made any inappropriate comments–but I never expected comments from S. He cried once we got back and was rattled for days after.
We slept at S’s home and in the morning we were drinking coffee with her and her fiance. Once again she brings up the situation with her mom nonchalantly and tells him that she told us. I say “Hey–about that, I really think that I didn’t need to know that. I really would’ve preferred if you had just moved us without letting us know why or made up an excuse”. Her fiance had a look on his face and she said that he was adamant that I should never be told and that his initial reaction to the mom’s request was that her boyfriend just shouldn’t be invited to the wedding. I also let her know that I was uncomfortable that she was showing strangers my pre-transition pictures without asking me. I kept the conversation very brief and frankly overly nice. She apologized and I left and my boyfriend and I went home.
As the day went on the shock started to wear off and I was more and more hurt. I texted her and stressed how much it hurt that she scrolled for multiple minutes through hundreds of my pre transition pictures without asking me, but thought to ask her friend for permission to show me a picture of a dress. She profusely apologized and I dropped it. In the morning I woke up to a lengthy text of her saying that she thought she had asked for my permission to show the pictures and that she never would’ve done it without asking for my consent and that it was all a misunderstanding. I responded stating that I had been out of the room when the question got pulled and when I walked in she was already several years deep in my instagram and then commented “Oh I probably should’ve asked you if that was ok”. The next day the reality of the situation with her mom began to fully sink in and I got angrier and angrier about how she could request that I be moved, after knowing me so long, and how S made excuses for her mom and mom’s boyfriend. I decided to send a voice memo rather than a text so that she could hear that my tone was of hurt rather than screaming and yelling. The purpose was to get her to understand the severity of the situation and how if you replace “trans” with any other minority group it instantly becomes apparent how messed up the situation was. I played the audio for several people and everyone said that it made them sad for me and that I expressed my feelings in a really calm and respectful way. S initially responded that night saying that she needed time to properly respond.
After a week of radio silence she finally replied and said that my messages had been “troubling and frightening” and that “I don’t have the resources right now to make my wedding feel like a safe space for you/us”. I was beyond shocked that her response was to uninvite me to the wedding and I let her know that I couldn’t be friends with her after the way she had handled everything. Later in the day she called me (I didn’t pick up) and texted me saying that her fiance was begging her to call me and make up and that she thought she was doing me a favor by uninviting me and that she thought my audio message was to intentionally kick her while she was down and was me “begging to be uninvited”. I feel like she is backpedaling HARD and mainly because of her fiancé.
Thank you to everyone who read this novel of a post. What do you all think–am I overreacting?

I wrote this party as a form of therapy and partly to have it read on okop. Love you guys!!!! You are all awesome! Especially Sofia! She made the podcast whole!!!
About 2 years ago I couldn’t find a place to live and ran out of money paying to live in air bnbs after moving back to the East cost. I was taken advantage by my cousins, I paid the equivalent of $1800 in work a month for a tiny room to live in while also expected to cook and clean 2 hours a day but I refused to do that part.
I had managed to get out of that situation and get my own 1 bedroom apartment and it cost only $1350 a month. A year later I needed help again. My mom who lives 3000 miles away asked my aunt to help me out. My mom had taken off work to help care for my grandpa so she was strapped for cash. My mom told me that my aunt had her old home still with a friend living there and that she would let me live there. But when I talked to her I was told that “you burnt every bridge when you claimed squatters rights and trashed their home.” I was appalled! And heart broken that people were just believing these lies. I had no idea anyone was even taking about me. I was taken advantage of? That’s how I burnt every bridge?????? So I posted this on Facebook
My cousin and her husband took advantage of me when I needed help. They OFFERED. They were my family. I worked my ass off to be treated like a servant (someone has a birthday in the home? I got him a present then They went out to eat without inviting me because I wasn’t considered family to them) I didn’t say anything. I just did what I was told until it became too much. It’s so sad that his fragile ego couldn’t take my criticism when he ADMITTED without me asking that he was testing me. Apparently a test from a book on war. The test is to see how much someone will sacrifice themselves for you with nothing in return. So I was treated like something to sacrifice not like family. And because I refused to sacrifice everything of myself and when I found out I condemned him for his actions He Literally tried to throw me out on the street. I Worked over 30 hours a week for him for a tiny room, while putting 3,000 miles on my car a month. While paying for my own food. I tried so hard because I thought his intentions were pure. In the end I didn’t complain to anyone about this but my mom and sister. Because I’m not that type of person. It was over. I didn’t want to ever think about it again. But recently I was told that I burned every bridge when I claimed squatters rights. Which didn’t happen. I claimed living rights. I didn’t want to be there but I HAD NO WHERE ELSE TO GO and I was working 30 hours a week for him! I was there for 1 day when I wasn’t working for him before I left. 1 DAY! So I was completely taken advantage and this is how I burned every bridge?? The only thing I did wrong was trusting them. I thought they loved me, I helped raise their children and loved them like my own. He WAS MY ONLY FATHER FIGURE GROWING UP. He knew how I felt about him and he completely took advantage of that. So I’m putting my side out there. Because I didn’t even know that any of them were talking shit to people.
Also important note my mom let her and her husband and 3 young kids live in our house for FREE FOR 4 YESRS!!! 20 years ago.
My mom was able to get my asshole father to pay for a down payment on a car for me to live in by taking the cash without permission lol and telling him the money was for her.
I do instacart for work so I really needed that car. I was going to just try to save enough for a room to rent but decided I was done working paycheck to paycheck. I currently am living in my car while saving every cent I would have spent on rent and utilities.
My mom called me yesterday 2 months after the post on Facebook to tell me how upset she was. She told me that after the Facebook post the whole family started talking about me and how I should be able to take care of myself by now. Even though they have no idea what I’ve been through.
(Necessary context) For years my chronic illness, EDS short for Elhers Danlos syndrome, was really bad. At one point I was completely Bed ridden. My boyfriend of 6 years was amazing and became my full time caregiver while working part time to pay for my pain medication. This went on for about a year. I then found a new doctor that put me on a new medication that changed my life. I was able to brush my hair again! I was able to walk again! I was able to work again! Before this new doctor I was looking into getting a wheel chair and filing for disability! Everything was perfect for a few months. Then my bf developed schizophrenia. We were living with my mom for all of this. With in a few months I went from being taken care of by my bf to being his full time caregiver. It took him about 1.5 years to stabilize. Though all this we were working doordash and instacart because neither of us could keep a full time job. When we moved out of my moms place back to the East cost we thought we could just keep working gig jobs but after the pandemic people wanted to go out to eat and shop for themselves. We tried to get real jobs but with out any recent regular work history or references it was really hard. On top of that any job I could get was either part time or lied to me about being full time!! That is the gist of our problems with paying for a place to live.
So back to the main story. My mom told me that her 6 siblings were contacting her one by one to tell her to cut me off. (She had been helping me financially as much as she could for years now) There was a reason my mom lives 3000 miles away and it was to get away from these assholes. The only reason she had contact with them was to coordinate care for my grandfather. Until recently I thought at least some of them were good people. They told her that I was almost 30 years and should be able to care for myself. I had never received help from any of these people! And only ever asked for help from one of them once! I didn’t understand why any of them even cared. Did I make them feel some type of way with my post that talked shit about none of them? (Unless calling out someone for talking shit is talking shit) it’s not like she had been giving me money instead of any of them. The 2nd Best part of the story is the hypocrisy. 3 my cousins, all from different parents, still live with their parents! And they’re all older then me! But no one has a problem with that? My mom asked her brother why it was ok that his daughter was still living with him? My uncle said it was because she has 3 children. My mom then asked him why she should abandon me for not having children I couldn’t afford? Great burn mom! Now this is the best part!! After telling me all of this she says that she wants to pay off my car for me. I was going to wind up paying 20 grand for a 10 grand car because of my lack of credit. So I guess thank you to everyone that told her to cut me off! Because it has only seem to inspire her to help me more!!!
Ps: my mom is writing a book that already has 3 publishers trying to sign her! Exposing all the reasons she moved across the county to get away from all of them. Go her!!!