First time posting anything in Reddit. Seemed like as good a time as any as I'm really struggling with how to deal with a devastating situation with my mom! This is a long one but I need to get it out there. I'm heartbroken and out of options, as is my whole family.
In the middle of the night after Easter Sunday, I got a call at 3am in the morning from mom telling me that my dad "finally did it - he tried to kill me." She was in the hospital and physically speaking, unharmed. She told me my dad was arrested and in the psych ward and that she needed to go as the doctors were checking up on her. Thankfully by the time I got off the phone, my dad had responded to a text I'd sent him saying what in the world is going on, saying that he had to call 911 on her; he was at home and safe by that point.
He'd woken up at 2am their time and had noticed she had left the house in her car. After a quick review of her iPhone location, he noticed she was at a house they had rented a number of years earlier. He drove over and could see her sitting on the couch, apparently alone. He tried tapping on the window thinking perhaps she was confused and didn't know where she was and had wandered in. She saw him but then looked away and moved to another room. Finally, he realized he needed to knock on the door. He knew the couple that lived there casually and explained she'd been struggling recently. The husband told him he didn't know what to think at first when she said he had tried to kill her, but quickly realized something wasn't right. He had already called 911. My dad also called 911 because she wouldn't leave with him and he didn't know what else to do.
When the police arrived, they quickly realized something was very wrong with my mom and that my dad didn't pose any threat to her (she admitted right away that he was sleeping when she left). She was moved to the hospital and my dad went home. At the hospital, they found her to be extremely manic - paranoid, delusional, hyperverbal. They (meaning multiple psychiatrists after examination and discussion with me and my dad) put her on an involuntary 72 hold under the state's emergency hold act for someone who was a danger to themselves or others (she was deemed to be a danger to herself because she had no insight into her situation and couldn't take care of herself).
After the 72 hours, they decided they needed to continue to hold her as she was still paranoid and delusional, as well as exhibiting signs of dementia. Once we were finally able to talk to a couple doctors live and get some very preliminary indications that she was suffering from progressive dementia and some form of delirium/psychosis, I was able to join my dad to try and figure out next steps. It became clear over the course of the next 10-11 days, that we were going to have to move her into memory care, so that's what we did. Signed a contract with as nice a place as we could find, hired a concierge psychiatrist billed as one of the best in the state, hired an elder care attorney and also an advocate to help my dad navigate the situation.
We received word (after following up day after day with very little communication) that she would be released from the psychiatric ward mid-week and arranged for her to be taken directly to the memory card facility based on doctor's advice. Despite a hiccup where she talked the driver into bringing her home first, where I luckily just happened to be eating lunch, we got her checked into the facility (I told her it was either back to the psych ward or to the facility and she happy complied). Problem was - she didn't realize it was memory care and it only took about four hours before the phone calls started about how awful the place was, how she had to get out, the place wasn't safe, I was a bad son, my dad was evil, etc. etc.
As an aside, up to this point, we thought we had done just about everything by the book. Ironically, it was my mom who insisted some number of years ago that she and my dad should get long term care insurance in addition to executing both health care representative POAs and financial POAs. After talking with the elder law attorney, we felt we had 99% of what was needed to at least take some of the strain out of the situation. He did say that if the proverbial shit hit the fan, the POAs might not be enough and that we'd need full legal guardianship, but he felt pretty good that we could do what the doctors were advising us to do and get her into a structured facility, at least for the time and try to get her stable. If we could get her 30 days of very structured care, the doctor told us that there's always a chance she could respond well. ("Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" in his words.)
And that's where things fell apart. Even though the psychiatrist/MD realized very quickly that she was suffering from some form of moderate to severe dementia, my mom is very high functioning and began plotting almost immediately to get out of the facility despite our insistence that she needed the 24/7 care at least for the time being. She was calling everyone she knew - friends, other family, other doctors etc., insisting that she was fine; it was my dad who needed help, and that she needed out right away.
The above had become a familiar refrain over the last 12-18 months. It started innocently enough when my mom had made a comment that she was a little afraid of my dad because he'd gotten angry one evening. I took it very seriously and asked her to take me through what had happened. Apparently they'd gotten into a minor argument at one point over something trivial. My mom kept needling him on the issue and he eventually pounded his fist on the table (completely out of character for him) and it had rattled her. I explained to my mom that I took this seriously and I'd talk with him to make sure everything was ok. I did confront him and he was honest - said he lost his temper but that mom was just on him 24/7 about things that were either minor or simply not true. She claimed he played golf every day when in reality he played maybe 2-3 times a month (he's retired so I'm not sure what would be wrong with playing everyday but I guess that's besides the point). She would get pissed at him for being gone for too long but she'd also get pissed for him not going out and finding things today. There was a lot of this.
From that point, things got worse - she had a surgery in September of last year where she underwent general anesthesia and that really seemed to light a fire under the symptoms. She began to withdraw even further from social activities. She wasn't sleeping much at night; hardly eating. The accusations against my dad got bigger and bolder (he had a girlfriend that was 40 years younger than him; he'd bought a boat among them). None of these things were true. My brother went to stay with my folks for a few months - he wanted to spend time with them in any event, but we also thought it would be good for him to see the dynamic up close. Maybe our dad was doing some things he shouldn't? Maybe he needed to adjust his behavior? Well, after three months, my brother could tell something was seriously wrong with my mom. She was not herself and things were getting worse.
Three days before the Easter Sunday where it all went south, my mom was supposed to come up to where my wife and I live and go into assisted living for 30-60 days. She wanted to do it and we were excited because we thought it would give us a chance to have some objective views from the staff on what might be going on. We thought dementia was a real possibility because her own primary care doctor had suggested for at least 12 months that she get tested but she'd canceled no less than three appointments (the last two literally as they were getting in the car). For reasons that still aren't entirely clear, she canceled at the last minute. Even though my wife and I had made the arrangements and had everything essentially ready to go, my mom insisted on trying to plan with the facility as well and some wires got crossed on trivial things. It seems those things caused her to be suspicious and start to believe we were "trying to put her away." Again though, this was her idea.
It was the period between the cancellation and Easter Sunday that things just spiraled. My wife and I, among others, were getting texts and phone calls in the middle of the night, all night during those three to four days. They were increasingly paranoid and unhinged, linking my dad to the husband of a family friend who'd committed suicide. Saying he was a narcissist, just like my dad. Many things that simply were not at all in line with the character of my dad (and not just according to me but everyone who ever knew him and knew him well). When she began to bring up the fact that she thought the friend's husband had killed her, I knew things were bad. I suggested my dad get out of the house and give her some space. I was worried about both of them. She's tiny but you never know. I also didn't want my dad arrested or put into a situation where the stress can be overwhelming - he's got a bard heart. So he did leave the day before Easter, even though he totally discounted my concern.
The reason he came back on Easter Sunday was because she asked him to. She wanted to celebrate and see the dog. By all accounts, they had a nice evening and even watched a movie together before he went to bed. And then she decided to get in her car, drive 80 miles to a house they used to live in and tell the shocked couple that my dad was trying to kill her!
So, she's in the memory care facility after her release from the psychiatric hold and as excruciatingly difficult as it was to put here there, we felt it was necessary, at least until the paranoia subsided. I stayed for three days and visited her each day. She'd fluctuate between telling me I was an awful son, rehashing all the "documentation" she had on how horrible the doctors and my dad are, and then saying how she didn't want to ruin the family and we could all work it out. My brother stayed for another few days after I left and then had to get back home. He received similar treatment. We mistakenly thought we had things under control until she decided to write a very thoughtfully crafted letter stating explicitly that she requested release from the facility, nothing that she was "of sound mind and body."
The doctor, the facility and our attorney explained that they could no longer keep her there. We understood the limits of the POA, but this was hard to fathom. We had mounds of doctor's evidence from the psychiatric ward and the new doctor pointing to not only advanced dementia, but also stating that she was unable to care for herself and needed round the clock supervision from someone other than my dad. It wasn't enough. We needed a new plan. The doctor was clear that my dad couldn't stay with her and take care of her, so I looked into 24/7 hour nursing. I had no idea how much it cost and when I realized that $28k or so a month would be needed, we realized there no way we could cover this for any significant period of time, even with a portion offset by long term care.
We were lucky enough to have a family member that was a former nurse who was willing to come down for a time to stay with my mom. The good news was by this point, my mom did hear one thing from her doctor - that she needed "24/7 care," so we explained that we'd get her home on two conditions - (1) we had to wait till the family friend could get into town; and (2) she needed to do the doctor recommended cognitive evaluation with a neuropsychologist. She agreed to both.
The day after she did her neuro exam, she went home with our family member and has been home now for over a week. My dad has been couch surfing, trying to keep it together. It took a week but we received the neuro results and they confirmed what we thought we already knew but were nonetheless still devastating - severe vascular dementia. This, combined with an MRI they had done in the psychiatric ward, were enough for the doctors to recommend we pursue guardianship because she doesn't have capacity and can't make any of her own decisions, which we're doing now on an expedited basis. In the meantime, my mom has been up and down at home, and my dad has ridden the waves with her. He'll think she's turning a corner with a nice text or two to him but it will turn out she just wants help with her phone and if he spends a bit of time with her, she'll eventually turn on him - back to the same accusations. She's also taken some of his things and thrown them out near the trash, including his pacemaker monitor.
A couple days back, the neuro doctor walked my mom through her report and despite all the evidence to the contrary, my mom told me the report was "GREAT" (she noted she doesn't have Alzheimer's, which it seems is true, but vascular is no better from what I can tell; and perhaps worse in ways!). Given she was able to sit with the doctor and hear the results firsthand, I thought I could explain to her the severity of what was going on and why we needed to get her the care she needs but she just won't hear it. She thinks the doctors have told her she can either go into Assisted Living or get 24/7 care - that's not true at all. I've tried to explain that those two things are mutually exclusive, but again, she's not having it. She wants no part of memory care and believe me, if there was any way we could do this without having to put her into memory care, at least for some period of time, my whole family would be all for it. We don't see any alternative at this point.
The horrible thing is that if she won't go voluntarily, I think our only option is to call 911 and have her taken in once the guardianship has gone through. This breaks all of our hearts. I don't think my dad can do it. I don't know if I can do it but I know I may have to do it. My only solace is that our family member with her now says her quality at life at home right now is not good. She is either shuffling around the house "organizing" at all hours of the day and night, or on her phone (we believe making notes to herself that we're not sure she even saves). We all believe that in a facility over time, she may begin to socialize better and given how high functioning she is, even find some purpose and meaning in helping folks out who are suffering differently than she is. She's always been generous with her time and service-oriented (until this disease started to take all of that away a couple years back now that we realize what it was). We also think she'd benefit from excursions with us and others out of the facility for meals/events etc. if we can get her more stable.
I've read some incredible stories in these threads but wanted to share ours in the case it could help someone who might be going through the same things but also to see if there's anything we're missing? We feel we've explored every feasible option and our hands are tied at this point. I'm sick to my stomach all day long worrying about this and wake up almost every night trying to decide what to do. It's taken over all our lives. I welcome any feedback.
(*Note that I haven't given a ton of detail on the behavioral issues but suffice it to say that there's no possibility that my dad could look after her, at least right now. It's not safe for either her or him for the same reasons it wasn't that Easter Day. I also worry about any other caregiver as each person who has tried to help has become the subject of her ire and if they don't bend to her every request - take her to superfluous dr appts, hair appts, the phone store to check her phone which she never thinks is working properly, etc. - they will have hell to pay for some period of time.)

https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Backlash%2c+parental+alienation+syndrome+and+co-construction.-a0179570828
Work on the issue of sexual abuse in children and adolescents lays bare the power relations between genders, generations and social classes. The issue of gender is seen in statistics from UN agencies that report that "one in four girls and one in nine boys will be sexually abused before they reach the age of 18."(1) Generational power relations are clear because the perpetrators are adults, and the power relations of class are evident in the backlash generated by powerful sectors that have attempted to prop up the myth that child abuse is only a problem among the poor and working classes.
Webster's Dictionary defines "backlash" as "a strong adverse reaction to a political or social movement." More plainly, backlash is a negative reaction to a positive and constructive step forward. Professor of law John Myers identifies the positive step as the progress made in the past two decades with regard to child abuse and the backlash as the escalation of criticism against professionals involved in child protection.(2)
David Finkelhor was responsible for pioneering work on the sexual abuse of children in the United States. In his 1979 book, Sexually Victimized Children, Finkelhor recognizes the important contributions of the women's movement and professionals involved in child protection lobbying in drawing attention to the realities of sexual violence against minors: "If the sexual abuse of children has risen to prominence as a social problem rather quickly, it is because it has been championed by an alliance of two constituencies by now rather experienced in the promotion of social problems."(3)
In the United States, a backlash began in the 1980s under the Reagan Administration's return to stale and reactionary values following the struggles of the women's movement and the children's rights movement the 1960s and 70s.
What was once secret was now openly debated, and controversy wracked the most idealized institutions, including church, family and school. Socially consecrated myths of long-standing were crumbling: "The home is the seat of love, support and safety for children"; "Good families don't talk about sexuality"; "Churches reflect the highest moral standard with regard to sexuality"; "Children are safe in school."
By drawing attention to the realities of child sexual abuse, a solid blow was dealt to the "powers that be"; hypocrisy was uncovered; and unquestioned assumptions were challenged. This frontal attack was met with denial by means of a range of strategies developed by the fundamentalisms of faith and the market.
One of these backlash strategists was prominent forensics expert Richard Gardner, who coined the term "parental alienation syndrome" in 1985 to describe a supposed psychological disorder that he had observed in lengthy and bitter custody battles. His original paper on the subject uses the following description:

"The term I prefer to use is parental alienation syndrome. I have introduced this term to refer to a disturbance in which children are obsessed with deprecation and criticism of a parent—denigration that is unjustified and/or exaggerated. The notion that such children are merely 'brainwashed' is narrow."(4)

However, supposedly citing his original work several years later, Gardner re-describes this phenomena somewhat differently.

"[t]he parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a childhood disorder that arises almost exclusively in the context of child-custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent. When true parental abuse and/or neglect is present, the child's animosity may be justified, and so the parental alienation syndrome explanation for the child's hostility is not applicable."(5)

The two different definitions demonstrate the changes in this argument over time with the goal of developing a different strategy for discrediting the hard research work and harder-won social gains of the women's movement and the professionals lobbying for child protection.
Maria Jose Blanco Barea has studied the many works that Gardner published up to his death by suicide in 2003, and she suggests that "perhaps the psychological causes that led to his suicide should be taken into consideration." With regard to Gardner's professional career, Blanco Barea recounts that "Gardner dedicated the first part of his professional life to working as a forensics expert in cases of sexual abuse brought by children against their parents, students against professors, members of the faithful against representatives of organized religions and within military families. Gardner often stressed that he was a former captain [in the U.S. Army Medical Corps] and as a psychologist treated members of the armed forces who had served in Korea. He specialized in techniques to 'deprogram' U.S. soldiers who had been prisoners of war. His methodologies and expert testimony were used to question the credibility of sexual abuse victims, to prove that the accused were innocent and that the accusers were guilty of perjury. Gardner testified in cases of sexual abuse in the context of hearings to determine custody, visitation and guardianship, and he himself explains that he developed his research over the course of his career. In other words, he directly applied the scientific method of trial and error in real-life court cases that were settled while he was still carrying out his research. When he decided to publish his theories in 1985, Garner failed to provide the scientific community with the necessary data to scientifically analyze his conclusions."(6)
Richard Gardner's books were published by Creative Therapeutics, which he himself owned. Some of his articles were published in Issues in Child Abuse Accusations, a publication of the Institute for Psychological Therapies, which is directed by Dr. Ralph Underwager who is well known for an interview in the Dutch journal Paidika […](7)
In the 1970s and 80s and prior to his publication of the parental alienation syndrome, Gardner developed the "Sex-Abuse Legitimacy Scale" (SAL Scale), which he used in his own courtroom testimony. Nonetheless, Gardner's ideological stance clearly shows that he did not view child sexual abuse as a problem, except when it is denounced.

"It is of interest that of all the ancient peoples it may very well be that the Jews were the only ones who were punitive toward [adults who had sex with children]. Early Christian proscriptions against [adult-child sex] appear to have been derived from the earlier teachings of the Jews, and our present overreaction to [adult-child sex] represents an exaggeration of Judeo-Christian principles and is a significant factor operative in Western society's atypicality with regard to such activities."(8)
"The child might be helped to appreciate the wisdom of Shakespeare's Hamlet, who said, 'Nothing's either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.'"(9)
"And her [the mother's] increased sexuality may lessen the need for her husband to return to their daughter for sexual gratification."(10)
"… except for a certain amount of sexual frustration that was not gratified, the four-year-old had not been significantly traumatized by these encounters."(11)

Elsewhere Gardner had the following to say about child sexual abuse: "The sexually abused child is generally considered to be the victim, though the child may initiate sexual encounters by 'seducing' the adult."(12) Gardner even proposes that [child sexual abuse] serves procreative purposes; he maintains that although the child cannot become pregnant, a child who is drawn into sexual encounters at an early age is likely to become highly sexualized and thus will crave sexual experiences during the prepubertal years. Such a "charged up child" is more likely to transmit his or her genes through his or her progeny at an early age. Gardner states: "The younger the survival machine at the time sexual urges appear, the longer will be the span of procreative capacity, and the greater the likelihood the individual will create more survival machines in the next generation."(13) He also recommended that the incestuous father "has to be helped to appreciate that, even today, it [adult-child sex] is a widespread and accepted practice among literally billions of people. He has to appreciate that in our Western society especially we take a very punitive and moralistic attitude toward such inclinations.… He has also had back [sic] luck with regard to the place and time he was born with regard to social attitudes toward [adult-child esx]."(14)
The two definitions of parental alienation syndrome are interesting because the first reveals that the intention of the original strategy was to minimize the devastating effects that child abuse has in the victims. However, the 2002 definition added: "When true parental abuse and/or neglect is present, the child's animosity may be justified, and so the parental alienation syndrome explanation for the child's hostility is not applicable."(15) But curiously, the indicators of parental alienation syndrome also coincide with the indicators of sexual abuse that have been established by international studies on this problem.
At the time of the revised definition, the international study of child abuse and the movement to prevent the victimization of children was much further advanced. Some examples are the five European seminars "Secrets that Destroy" held in 1998 by the Save the Children Alliance; the 1999 "Vision and Reality" reports that address women's and children's rights; and a series of later publications by experts in the matter.
Although the SAL scale has been widely disregarded as a tool for diagnosing sexual abuse, Gardner's real thoughts are evident in the above citations from his works. Both the SAL scale and parental alienation syndrome represent a scandalous violation of the human rights of women, adolescents and children.
In numerous publications, Gardner uses supposedly scientific but paradoxical arguments to rationalize his denial of violence against women, defined in the Belem do Para Convention as "a manifestation of the historically unequal power relations between women and men."(16) Making use of children, he creates a new and sophisticated form of violence against women that involves complicity of the justice system.
Gardner proposed a series of symptoms that reveal three types of parental alienation syndrome (severe, moderate and mild) and specific treatment for each type. The treatment that he proposes for parental alienation syndrome involves both legal and health-care professionals, who Gardner says should have the power to administer the appropriate treatment based on the coercion, threat, change in living arrangements and, as a last resort, the internment and "deprogramming" of the child. As Blanco Barea observes, "Parental alienation syndrome makes a fraud of the law. It makes use of the declarations against discriminations against women and of the rights of the child to protect the parent and escape the application of the Conference of Vienna that protects against torture and degrading treatment, especially in the case of women and girls, and to escape the application of the Convention on the Rights of the Child."(17)
As law professor John Myers explains, "Gardner is an outspoken critic of certain aspects of the child protection system. Apparently, Gardner believes America is in the throes of mass hysteria over child sexual abuse. He writes that 'sex-abuse hysteria is omnipresent' (True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse, 1992, p. xxv). In his 1991 book titled Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited, Gardner is harshly critical of an unspecified portion of the mental health professionals, investigators, and prosecutors trying to protect children. For example, Gardner accuses some prosecutors of gratifying their own sexual urges and sadistic tendencies through involvement in sexual abuse cases. […] It seems clear that Richard Gardner cannot claim to be balanced or objective when it comes to allegations of child sexual abuse."(18)
Although Gardner and his theories can be questioned for their misogynist and perverse ideology, in Argentina former family court judge Eduardo Cardenas published "El abuso de las denuncias de abuso" (The Abuse of Claims of Abuse) in La Ley, on September 15, 2000. Cardenas's article supported Gardner's theories and sparked backlash in our country, which has provoked widespread reaction among well-known professionals.
Perhaps the best summary of what occurred in Argentina after 2000 is found in the book Maltrato infantil: Riesgos del compromiso profesional (Child Abuse: The Risks of Professional Commitment), a collection of essays by known specialists on the issue, edited by Silvio Lamberti. As the introduction to this book describes:

"As long as the problem was associated with the lower classes, more and more cases were reported. When it began to be suspected that family violence affected all social classes and the middle and upper classes were scrutinized, a reactionary movement used the guise of good intentions to put limits on professionals that supposedly 'abused the reports of child sexual abuse.'
"This was the reaction of:

1. Fathers who were engaged in custody battles or other legal disputes regarding visitation rights.
2. Lawyers who preached equanimity and warned against the feminist bias that they claimed had affected the reports.
3. Experts who tried to pass off the backlash literature from the U.S. as scientific evidence to support their own conclusions.

"This brutal attack tends to carry into an ideological realm a debate that crosses legal and psychosocial discourses, ethics and society as a whole and tries to undo the advances already gained, discouraging those who have worked to achieve these gains. In short, they intend to:

1. Discredit reports of child abuse.
2. Turn anyone who denounces abuse into a suspect.
3. Blur the boundaries between victim and victimizer.
4. Confuse the matter by citing the rare cases of violence against boys or adult men committed by women.
5. Discredit the specialized treatment services even though the law recognizes the value of their diagnosis.
6. Ignore constitutional norms from the Convention on Rights of the Child.

"Thus, the meaning of abusive conduct is inverted, with abuse being attributed to the person who reports the abuse and requests the fulfillment of the law.
"This reactionary backlash supports the persistence of family violence and condemns all girls and/or victims of the perpetuation of incest and abuse while attempting to stymie the legal system and the work of other professionals who until now have born the heavy burden of this process."(19)

This scientific alert went out over three years ago; nonetheless, today there are increasing obstacles to working on this issue. The notion of false reports of abuse is now firmly rooted in the courts. Sexual abuse trials are tremendous ordeals that seriously damage the children and the adults who report the crime and place a heavy burden on the professionals who take the children's part and who often face accusations of malpractice, libel or slander.
The discrediting of psychological experts is of serious concern. What started with Gardner has continued with followers who have discredited indicators, treatments, techniques and prevention campaigns. Brandishing the concept of co-construction on the part of the family members of the victims or the professionals, the testimony of the children is discredited, accused of being childhood fantasy and tale-telling.
The efforts of Gardner and his followers have been echoed by the hierarchy of the Catholic Church, an institution that claims to represent the social sexual moral but which has promoted a policy of smoke-screening sexual abuse.
The Red Latinoamericana de Catolicas por el Derecho a Decidir (Latin American Network of Catholics for the Right to Decide) has undertaken a study on the secret system of sexual abuse within the Catholic Church.(20) The ecclesiastical hierarchy always has been aware of these crimes and has implemented a policy of covering up the abuses committed by priests. This policy is summarized in the following ten points adapted from the studies carried out by the Spanish journalist Pepe Rodriguez(21) and corroborated in the studies of the Catolicas por el Derecho a Decidir:

1. Discreet investigation of the incident. The prelates of the diocese often have ecclesiastical informants, people who desire to rise in the esteem of the hierarchy through their reports. They keep the bishops abreast of the transgressions of the priests under their authority. These reports are given orally.
2. Initiation of actions to dissuade the aggressor and/or the victim(s). Once the prelate recognizes the situation of sexual abuse in which the image of the Church could be tarnished, the aggressor is rebuked. Then the bishops dedicate themselves to convincing the victims and their families, assuring them that the aggressor will be punished and that he has repented. They persuade the families to not report the crime so that no one in the Church or the family will suffer the consequences.
3. Covering up the incident and the identity of the aggressor so the case never becomes public. In this effort, acts are undertaken to confuse the matter, including transferral of the priest to another parish, bribery of the victim and their family members or the use of threats and suspension of benefits (for example, expulsion from school).
4. Measures to reinforce the cover up. When the case escapes the closed doors of the Church, the hierarch opens an internal investigation against the aggressor to defend against eventual accusations of passivity in case there is external pressure from the media or society or a civil suit. Generally, the investigation is paralyzed indefinitely. At this stage, the priest usually is transferred to another parish, another diocese or another country, depending on the situation.
5. Denial of the incident when the case becomes public, under the argument that the priest is a man of virtue heeding God's call, a holy figure who could never commit a crime of this nature. When denial is no longer possible, the matter is treated as an exception to this rule.
6. Public defense of the aggressor, stressing his good service to the Church and his personal merits. If he did do anything wrong, he is profoundly repentant and was not conscious of his acts. An appeal is made to the Christian sentiments of pardoning a repentant sinner.
7. Public discrediting of the victim(s). Rodriguez uses the metaphor of ants defending an anthill to describe the corporativist attitude of the clergy when one of its members is accused. The guilt is reversed; the victim(s) and/or their family members are blamed.
8. Paranoiac accusations of the denunciation being linked to campaigns orchestrated by "enemies of the Church." When the number of accusations is so high that discrediting the victims is not enough, the hierarchy complains that there are national or international powers or cults conspiring against the Church.
9. Possibility of negotiation with the victim. This negotiation frequently occurs before the case is made public when the intention of the Church is to buy the victim's silence to preserve the image of the institution. When there is a public scandal, the hierarchy tries to minimize the damage by trying to negotiate the withdrawal of the accusations against the aggressor.
10. Protection of the priest/aggressor. When the accused is found to be guilty, the hierarchy stands by him and in some cases even pays him homage or praises him, doing everything possible to erase the incident from the public memory.(22)

As the Church silences and covers up the abuses committed within its institutions, it resembles Gardner and his followers in that it denies the realities of domestic violence and the sexual abuse of children and adolescents and hampers investigation of these matters. Alliances with key judicial figures lead to perverse and scandalous rulings, such as the Melo Pacheco case in Mar del Plata, the Storni case Santa Fe or the stalling in the Grassi trial, to name the most notorious cases. Many others remain anonymous, which demonstrates the existence of a model that favors the impunity of the abusers, the suffering of the victims and the punishment of those who are working within the framework of human rights.
A sturdy thread connects those who deny, discredit, silence, minimize, distort and negotiate the rights of children: the perversity that has subordinated their ethics to systems of belief that are authoritarian, patriarchal and/or favor the domination of adults.
This ideological combination stacks the deck against victims who, for the most part, are children, adolescents and women. Women are the most discredited. In the cases in which priests are accused of sexual abuse, most people take their side, doubt the word of the victim(s) and even blame them or imply that the priests were victims of a conspiracy. Girl victims are not considered credible because they are presented as easily influenced, prone to fantasy or liars. If they are adolescents, their morals are questioned: it is argued that they already had had sexual relations before the abuse or are guilty of seducing their abuser.
In the case of domestic abuse, especially in cases of father-child incest, the mother is accused of maliciously attempting to distance the child from the father, inventing the abuse out of revenge or because she is hysterical or any other argument that serves to safeguard the figure of the father of the family or the Father of the parish. In both cases, the common sensibilities of the population are exploited: tolerance of male sexual behavior fed by the dominate sexual morality, which makes the argument of false reports even more credible than the martyrdom and accusations of the victims.
To compare the consequences that a child may suffer with the separation of his or her parents, even in a messy divorce, with the short- and long-term consequences of father-child abuse is a perverse strategy that denies the serious and profound attack on the victim's subjective integrity, which Jorge Barudy calls "attempted moral murder."
Parental alienation syndrome, the "malicious mother" and co-construction are non-scientific theories, and when used in the context of a trial, they violate the victim's constitutional rights as well as the Convention on the Rights of the Child, CEDAW and other agreements incorporated into our constitution in 1994.
We must remember that Richard Gardner's theories were developed in the United States through a method of trial and error that was applied directly in the courtroom in bitter divorce cases, which were ruled upon as Gardner was undertaking his research. In addition, the U.S. is one of the few countries that has neither ratified nor incorporated into its constitution the Convention on the Rights of the Child or CEDAW.
As Blanco Barea explains, in legal contexts based on human rights, those professionals who can carry out the therapy or treatment recommended by Gardner or his followers (such as "aversion therapy" plus the vicarious treatment of deprogramming and, as a precaution, the guarantee of visitation rights or the reversal of custody and/or total separation of the "alienating" parent and the "alienated" child) "are committing crimes of torture, obstruction of justice and legal fraud, and if they are related to the minors in question, they are also guilty of domestic violence."(23)
Child abuse, especially sexual abuse, is an alarming, universal problem. Increased attention and effective protection skills and prevention measures are necessary at family, local, national and international levels.
After a long tradition of silence, sexual abuse of children is being denounced more frequently and is becoming a topic for public and political discussion.
To alert governments and civil society organizations to the need to play a more active role in the promotion of and respect for the rights of the child (as put forth in article 19 and 34* of the Convention on the Rights of the Child) and to contribute to the prevention of child abuse, the Women's World Summit Foundation, WWSF, launched the World Day for Prevention of Child Abuse in 2000. The Day is commemorated every November 19 together with the anniversary of the International Day for the Rights of the Child (November 20). The objective of the World Day for Prevention of Child Abuse is to rally around the issue of child abuse and the urgent need for effective prevention programs.
To consolidate the global call for action, in 2001 WWSF launched an international NGO coalition that marks the World Day with appropriate events and activities to focus on and increase prevention education.
* For more information, visit the website of the Women's World Summit Foundation, https://www.woman.ch/children/1introduction.php.
* Art. 19 - States Parties shall take all appropriate legislative, administrative, social and educational measures to protect the child from all forms of physical or mental violence, injury or abuse, neglect or negligent treatment, maltreatment or exploitation, including sexual abuse, while in the care of parent(s), legal guardian(s) or any other person who has the care of the child.
* Art. 34 - States Parties undertake to protect the child from all forms of sexual exploitation and sexual abuse. For these purposes, States Parties shall in particular take all appropriate national, bilateral and multilateral measures to prevent:
(a) the inducement or coercion of a child to engage in any unlawful sexual activity;
(b) the exploitative use of children in prostitution or other unlawful sexual practices;
(c) the exploitative use of children in pornographic performances and materials.
The author is a psychologist, a founder of the Casa de la Mujer in Rosario, Argentina, and a longtime defender of the rights of women and children.
Notes
(1.) Selected facts and figures from various UN documents, part of the 2006 Open Letter from the Women's World Summit Foundation on the World Day for Prevention of Child Abuse, 19 November. Available online at http://www.woman.ch/children/1-openletter.php.
(2.) Alicia Ganduglia (2003) "El backlash: un nuevo factor de riesgo," in Maltrato Infantil. Riesgos del compromiso profesional, Silvio Lamberti, ed., Buenos Aires: Editorial Universidad, p. 75.
(3.) David Finkelhor (1979) Sexually Victimized Children. New York: The Free Press, p. 2.
(4.) Richard A. Gardner (1985) "Recent Trends in Divorce and Custody Litigation." Academy Forum 29:2, Summer, pp. 3-7.
(5.) Richard A. Gardner (2002) "Does DSM-IV Have Equivalents for the Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) Diagnosis?" American Journal of Family Therapy, 31(1):1-21. See also Richard A. Gardner (2003) "The Parental Alienation Syndrome: Past, Present, and Future," in The Parental Alienation Syndrome: An Interdisciplinary Challenge for Professionals Involved in Divorce. W. von BochGallhau, U. Kodjoe, W Andritsky and P. Koeppel, eds. Berlin, Germany: VWB-Verlag fur Wissenshaft and Bildung, pp. 89-125.
(6.) Maria Jose Blanco Barea (2006) "El sindrome inquisitorial estadounidense de alineacion parental," p. 11. This document may be downloaded from http://www.revistaiuris.com/MISC/8618/borrador%20el%20sindrome%20inquisitorial%20del%20sap.doc.
(7.) The interview with Dr. Ralph Underwager was originally published in Paidika, Issue 9, 1993, and has been reproduced online at http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/NudistHallofShame/Underwager2.html.
(8.) Richard A. Gardner (1992) True and False Accusations of Child Sex Abuse. Cresskill, New Jersey: Creative Therapeutics, pp. 46-7.
(9.) Ibid. p. 549.
(10.) Ibid. p. 585.
(11.) Ibid. p. 612.
(12.) Richard A. Gardner (1986) Child Custody Litigation: A Guide for Parents and Mental Health Professionals. Cresskill, New Jersey: Creative Therapeutics, p. 93
(13.) Richard A. Gardner (1992) pp. 24-25.
(14.) Ibid. p. 593.
(15.) See note 5.
(16.) From the Preamble to the Inter-American Convention on the Prevention, Punishment and Eradication of Violence against Women, also known as the Convention of Belem do Para, adopted by the OAS General Assembly June 9, 1994; entry into force March 5, 1995.
(17.) Maria Jose Blanco Barea (2006) p. 219.
(18.) John E. B. Myers (n.d.) "What is 'Parental Alienation Syndrome' and Why Is It So Often Used Against Mothers?" an excerpt from a forthcoming book titled A Mother's Nightmare: A Practical Legal Guide for Parents and Professionals. Available online at http://www.gate.net/~liz/fathers/pas.htm.
(19.) Maltrato Infantil. Riesgos del compromiso professional. Silvio Lamberti, ed., Buenos Aires: Editorial Universidad, 2003. The contributing authors were Maria Ines Bringioti, Cristina Caprarulo, Julio Cesar Castro, Alicia Ganduglia, Norberto Garrote, Isabel Gens, Eva Giberti, Carmen Gonzales, Irene Intebi, Victoria Irazuzta, Silvio Lamberti, Patricia Paggi, Mirta Pirozzo, Carlos Rozanski, Diana Sanz, Juan Pablo Maria Viar, Maria Cristina Vila and Juan Carlos Volnovich.
(20.) Regina Soares Jurkewicz (2005) Develando la politica del silencio: Abuso sexual de mujeres por sacerdotes en Brasil. Brazil: Red Latinoamericana de Catolicas por el Derecho a Decidir.
(21.) Pepe Rodriguez (2002) Pederastia en la Iglesia Catolica: Delitos sexuales del clero contra menores: Un drama silenciado y encubierto por los obispos. Barcelona: Ediciones B.
(22.) Regina Soares Jurkewicz (2005) pp. 20-22.
(23.) Maria Jose Blanco Barea (2006) p. 219.

Im 57 and have guardianship of my 7yr old grandson. I worked full time for the 1st 5 years I had him and only received benefits for him under kinship care. Unfortunately I had a lot of medical and personal issues 2 years ago and I left my job which qualified me for benefits also.
About a year ago I started getting letters about going back to work. My doctor sent in paperwork stating I was unable to at this time and was granted an exemption.
A month ago I was put on new medication and I’m feeling so much better.
My girlfriend has ALS and offered me a PCA job. I unofficially started a month ago just to get a feel for it. I’ve worked 5 hours a day for 3 days a week. I come home extremely exhausted and in so much physical pain I can barely function. I honestly feel taking more hours on isn’t possible even though she’s offered them. My doctor agrees.
So I guess my question is that by working the 15 hours a week will that effect my exemption? Like will they say since I can work that then I should be able to work the full 30 they require? Or would an updated Drs letter acceptable?
I’m in Mass and I’m so sorry if this is confusing. I’d be extremely grateful for any advice I can get.

https://people.com/crime/heiress-not-guilty-killing-her-childrens-father-35-million-bail/

Tiffany Li, the heiress whose family posted $35 million for her bail in 2017, was found not guilty for the murder of the father of her two children, Keith Green.
Li, the daughter of a wealthy family from China and known in California’s San Francisco Bay area as the “Hillsborough Heiress,” was found not guilty by a jury on Friday, ABC7 News reported.
Green went missing after he was supposed to meet Li at a pancake house in April 2016, and his body was discovered one month later in a Sonoma County field. He had one gunshot wound in his mouth when he was found, the outlet reported.
Li and Bayat were accused of conspiring to kill Green over a custody dispute, the Washington Post reported in September when Li and Bayat’s murder trial began.
San Mateo County prosecutors said that Li lured Green back to her mansion in Hillsborough, California, after initially agreeing to meet at the Millbrae Pancake House. The prosecutors then said that Bayat allegedly shot Green, and then paid Li’s security guard to dump his body, the Washington Post reported.
After spending nearly one year in jail, Li posted the multi-million dollar bail in 2017, which is reportedly one of the largest in United States history.
Li paid $4,240,000 in cash and put up the rest of the value — more than $60 million — in property, PEOPLE previously reported. The money was raised by friends, family, extended relatives and business associates of her mother. California requires twice the bail amount if property is used in place of money.

https://abc7news.com/tiffany-li-update-trial-hillsborough-heiress-verdict/11152105/

Court filings in the case also included a series of letters she wrote to God, whom she addressed as "Father."
In a letter dated June 17, 2016, Li wrote, "Please let my mom win the court hearing on the temporary and permanent guardianship (of Li's two daughters). Father please help me too. Please help me get bail soon and I pray I'll never come back to jail or prison again. I don't belong here. You have been by my side for years and made so many of my prayers come true because you know I'm a good person and have a kind heart. So Father please don't give up on me, please continue to hear my prayers and make them come true."
Li had been in jail nearly a month when she wrote that letter. She was finally freed on a record $62 million in property and $4 million in cash bail in April 2017 after spending more than 10 months in jail.
Attorneys in Li's criminal case argued that Li had no motive to kill Green because she had settled a custody dispute with Green days before he was killed. Prosecutors said she settled because it didn't matter because she had already given the "green light" on a plot to kill him with Bayat. Li used the phrase "green light" in a text with Bayat, but her criminal defense attorneys Geoff Carr and May Mar told jurors that had nothing to do with a murder plot.
Prosecutors said Li lured Green to her mansion in Hillsborough where he was shot by Bayat. Adella admitted to disposing of the body.

About five years ago, my then girlfriend announced we were expecting (we were 30yo at the time). Up untill that point I had always invisioned living my life child free, and was even considering a vasectomy. I didn't react positively to the news at all, which led to our break-up a few months later.
I stayed present for all the important bits, and never completely abandoned her, but it was a very difficult time for her, she didn't have anyone else to rely on. After the birth, I slept on her couch for three months to help and have been happily involved with our child and we currently share our guardianship 50/50.
Things have been relatively good, though she and I regularly get annoyed or upset at each other because we both have issues with having the last word and refusing to be wrong about things, but nothing major (though over time these things can be detrimental).
I've had a few flings over the past years and I know she had one short relationship and is currently seeing someone but "it isn't a thing", I'm guessing she's having some fun, which is great for her.
But I've been in love with her again for some time now. Up til now, any time these feelings swelled up, I push them back down, our current situation is good, I shouldn't ruin it, right?
I've been in a rut the past few years, focusing on learning how to be a father and not much else. A few days ago I received the good news that an apparent I was looking to move into was mine to take, and with that something clicked in my mind. I'm starting a new chapter, and it's the perfect opportunity to evolve. I don't want to miss an opportunity of letting her know how I feel. I need to let her know. But I'm terrified of what the outcome might be.
I have no idea what she might feel about me. We get along well and she confides in me a lot, but she also has her emotional guard up around me a lot, which is understandable, but I don't know if it's to keep me away, or to keep her feelings in.
I'm planning on gifting her a bouquet accompanied by a letter explaining my feelings, as saying everything in person would surely be basically a rambling monologue from me because I suck at expressing myself, especially under this sort of pressure.
I haven't been sleeping properly since I've decided I wanted to tell her, and my stomach has been in a knot. I'm terrified but I can't not tell her... Right?...

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRA-brothersgf
Originally posted to AmItheAsshole
AITA for yelling at my brother’s girlfriend because she is trying to get rid of me?
Trigger Warnings: neglect, verbal abuse, bullying, suicide ideation, coercion, child abandonment
Original Post - March 17, 2024
as the title says, i (15f) think my brothers girlfriend (Julie, 24f) is trying to get rid of me. i live with my brother because after my parents divorced none of them wanted me so my brother took me (he was 18 i was 8). we lived alone together until a year ago, he got a girlfriend. she doesn’t live with us but she is at our apartment a lot. i don’t really like her but i already know he kind of has some resentment toward me because he had to take care of me even when my parents were still together and he couldn’t have a life cause he was always busy with me.
i think they want to get married and i’m scared about where i will go. my mom doesn’t live in the country (she went back to korea after the divorce) and my dad is busy with his new family. anyways after school i wanted to use my brothers phone to watch something. i saw a notification come up at the top and it was from my mom. i was really curious because i don’t talk to my mom like ever and i didn’t think he did either. long story short he wants to send me to live with my mom in korea because Julie wants to move in and start a family. she said that when they start their family they don’t want to be looking after a teenager aswell.
i didn’t tell him anything and just put the phone back. i went to sleep really scared and now today i went to my cousins house and told him what my brother was planning to do and he told his mom.
i didn’t do anything wrong im always nice to her i don’t know why she doesn’t like me. i really don’t want to move i have friends here and everything. i thought he loved me and wouldn’t make me go back to her.
my cousins mom ended up asking him why he was going to send me to live with my mom and he asked her how she knew. she said that i told my cousin and he told her. my brother took me back home because he didn’t want to cause a scene at my aunts house.
when we got back he asked me how i knew and i told him i saw his texts to our mom about how he was sending me away. i was really mad and i was yelling at him. he just tried to hug me and sat down on the couch with his head down, not talking. then like 10 minutes later Julie came. when she came in the living room she asked what happened and my brother said she knows. then Julie tried to talk to me and i stood up and started yelling that i don’t know why she has a problem with me but im his sister so im not leaving. i also called her some names because i was really angry.
then, to my surprise, my brother pushed my shoulder and told me to go to my room. i asked why and he yelled at me to go to my room. Julie was crying at this point. i went to my room and cried. i still think he is going to send me away. i don’t know why she doesn’t like me i didn’t do anything to her.
AITA got yelling at my brother girlfriend? i told my friends about this and they said i shouldn’t have yelled because she probably has her reasons to want me with my mother.
UPDATE ONE:
so i went home to talk to my brother and i wrote a letter to give to him like some of you suggested as i didn’t think i could talk without breaking down. the letter basically says that “im sorry for yelling at you and julie, i was just scared. there are many things i don’t know about my parents and how you have felt about the last 7 (maybe even 15) years. but i do not want to go back to my mother. and i don’t want to move country.”.
i gave him the letter after school and he didn’t read it infront of me. i came out of my room a few hours after giving it to him and saw him crying in the kitchen. when he saw me he hugged me and told me he was sorry and loved me and didn’t know what to do because julie wanted to move in and she didn’t want to be taking care of me because she’s only 24 and wants to live her life. julie also came over and i apologised to her properly. i’m writing this in my notes and waiting for another update to put all the info from today in one update.
so it’s been a few hours since then and he sat me down to talk again. with julie for some reason. anyway he told me that he was just exploring options because i can’t live with him forever. obviously i knew that but why doesn’t he want me now, what did i do? he also told me that he’s booked a ticket for me and him to go to korea to see my mother, her husband and house. i’m fine with that because if he’s there with me then he can’t leave me there without me knowing. but he told me he is leaving a little earlier than i am because he has work. i believe that but im also a little suspicious that he is going to leave me there and not take me back. i leave for korea in two days and im staying for two (?) weeks, he is staying for one. so that’s all i have for now is that im going to korea soon to see my mother for the first time in 7 years. i don’t feel happy or sad i just feel nothing. i feel like i wanna die.
and here’s some clarification because people keep asking the same questions.

• i can’t stay with my aunt as she has 4 kids already and can’t take care of me.
  
• i believe my brother has guardianship of me but i do not know because he doesn’t tell me anything.
  
• julie has done many things to me along with the leaving me at school thing, she’s fatshamed me, made fun of me, is always trying to get me out of the house and always ignores me whenever my brother tries to get us to hang out together.
  
• when julie was trying to talk to me after i found out, she was saying things like “please try to understand” and “it’s what we think is best for your and our futures” and “your brother and i want to move forward and i don’t think we can do it with you.” (they’ve only been dating for a year and she’s saying all this but whatever.)
  
• i know my parents both send money to my brother to help with me but i do not know if it is formal child support.
  
• i don’t have any friends to stay with.
  
• if my brother didn’t take me in i would have either gone into a foster home or my mother would have taken care of me, although she didn’t want to, which is why she wasn’t the first choice for who would take me.
  
• my father is in another state with his new wife and family.
  
• i am half japanese and half korean do going to korea would be hard for me, considering the history. i also have a japanese name so its not like i could hide it.
  
• i barely speak korean, and moving would mess up my whole education. i’m smart in english, not in korean.
  

if you have anymore questions just ask. i’m going to talk to my school counsellor soon but it might not be before i leave. i still really love my brother and i don’t want him to go to jail or go no contact with him.
UPDATE 2:
hi again. it’s been a few days since my last update and i hope i didn’t worry anyone too much. on friday last week i, against what many people advised, got on the plane to korea. i don’t know if it was because i was too scared to ask for help or speak up, or because i had a large amount of trust in my brother.
we arrived on saturday in jeju, a korean island, which is where my mom lives, and met her, her husband and her stepson. her husband is nice and so is my stepbrother. i talked to my mother about everything. it’s a long story but after my parents divorce she wanted to keep me, but my father told her that taking me to korea and away from him would be a big mistake and she felt scared to go against him. i don’t know why he would say that and then abandon me aswell. i didn’t know this but my dad was kind of abusive, not physically though.
the reason there was conversation of me going to korea was because, obviously, what my brother and julie thought, but also because my mother wanted to see me again. she wanted me to have a place in her family and she wanted my life to be like a normal 15 year olds, with a parent and a brother who acts like a brother.
the ticket is a return ticket but honestly i don’t know if i want to go back to the usa. i don’t want to be where im not wanted, aka my house if julie moves in. i go to a korean language class everyday so i can improve my korean if i decide to go to school here. and i think i might. my moms husband says he will tutor me and they talked to the school and they said they would adjust some things so i can fit into the school nicely and take exams.
my stepbrother helps me with my korean homework and we go to the beach together even though he barely speaks english and i barely speak korean. jeju is nice but they live in a small town so i barely get wifi, which is part of the reason it has taken so long for me to update. my brother is still here with me but is leaving on friday. his plan now is to come back to korea to take me back to america so that i know he isn’t leaving me here. his plan changed because i told him i was scared he was going to abandon me too. i told him this on the flight and he got a bit emotional again and told me he would never do that.
i want to thank everyone for all the suggestions and advice but i would rather be here than emancipated or even in america. i don’t want to be reminded of my brother if i don’t get to stay with him. as for julie, i haven’t spoken to her since i apologised. i don’t care what she does anymore.
the sad thing is i could’ve stayed in america if i fought hard enough but im just so tired. im tired of feeling like this and im tired of no one wanting me. i wish i was better then maybe they would have kept me. i wish my brother never did this, i don’t know why he is abandoning me like this.
anyways, learning korean is easier than i thought, and staying here is quite fun honestly, i just wish the circumstances weren’t my brother not wanting me anymore. i’m sorry to everyone that i disappointed by not being strong enough to stand my ground and stay in the usa, but i believe that if i stayed it would have just gotten worse. lots of people said that i should show that i can help a lot with the baby, and i could, but if one day im too tired or just don’t want to help, they could just send me right back to korea. why would i want to live my life pandering to people who didn’t want me in the first place. im clearly very disposable to them.
this wont be my last update, my last one will probably be telling you all if i do stay in korea. i just want to say once more thank you all for your help.
also idk if julie is pregnant. and please stop saying that i should give them alone time to bang, i don’t want to think about that ever 🙏. BYE ✌️
VERDICT: NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION
Relevant Comments
OOP on why she was using her brother’s phone

OOP: he always lets me use his phone and go on all the apps so i don’t think it was snooping

OOP on her brother’s girlfriend, Julie, and why she didn’t like OOP. What does OOP’s brother think of this?

OOP: when they first started dating she always ignored me and always wanted me out of my house, like one time she made my brother be 2 hours late to picking me up after school because she wanted to be with him alone.
they were alone together the whole time i was at school, and he did make that choice but it’s not like she had no part in it. if she wanted to be alone with her boyfriend all the time she shouldn’t have chosen one with all these responsibilities. i wish my brothers life wasn’t like this, i wish he could be free and happy but i didn’t choose to live with my brother did i?

TiredinNB: INFO: Are your parents giving your brother money to help support you?

OOP: i think my mom does because she gets money from my dad to give to my brother and she also gives her own money but for the most part my brother takes care of me with his own money

OOP on custody and why she was living with her brother instead of her parents. Why does her mom want her to come and live with her

OOP: i live with him. my moms in another country and my dad doesn’t care about me. tell me who am i supposed to go to. who’s gonna pick me up after school if not him?? i didn’t ask for him to take care of me, im guessing the reason he did was because i would’ve gone to a foster home and maybe he thought he would never see me again. i am his responsibility now. he’s been taking care of me for 7 years.
i don’t know why my mom wants me now. i didn’t fucking ask him to take care of me. my brothers not an idiot. he knew what taking care of me entailed and he made that decision. if he didn’t take me i would’ve probably been in foster care. i am very grateful for what he has sacrificed for me. i didn’t even say anything that bad to julie. at that time i completely believed that she was the reason that i was being sent away, what did you want me to say? i’m acting like this on here because every person here seems to have all the sympathy in the world for my brother and julie. people are mad that i’m talking about me all the time but what the fuck else am i supposed to be talking about? it’s fine i’ll just live to korea just because my brother needs to be happy. i want him to be happy, but i didn’t choose this life. HE DID. he made a sacrifice so he can do whatever he wants now right? what’s the point in taking me in if he doesn’t want me here until i’m 18. i was gonna move out then, i am not trying to hijack his entire life forever but what else am i supposed to do?
i am grateful. but at fifteen where am i supposed to go? when i would’ve turned 18 i would’ve probably gone to college and left him alone. literally what else am i supposed to do except be grateful, which i am. just because he gave up some of his life for me, i have to move country to a place where i don’t even speak the language. just because he deserves to be happy? he does deserve it and i want him to be happy and free but i didn’t choose to have him take care of me. i didn’t choose for my parents to abandon me. i wish i wasn’t such a burden to him but tell me what else am i supposed to do? am i not allowed to be happy just because he might not be??

 
Update - April 16, 2024
so it’s been almost a month since i posted on here and i thought i would give a final (?) update on this. if you read my original post and read all the updates you can see that i am in korea right now, and this is where i will probably stay for the rest of my life. i would have updated sooner but i couldn’t bring myself to do anything, i always feel tired and if i try to do anything i just end up crying.
my brother went back to the usa and i told him not to come back. so many people told me that it was his turn to live his life so i let him go. he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore. the day he got back he facetimed my mom to try and talk to me aswell but i didn’t want to. i couldn’t even look at him or listen to his voice without feeling like crying. i’m fixing the relationship with my mom slowly, we go out together and talk. my stepdad is nice too, he always buys me stuff and helps with my korean homework, so does my stepbrother. i play video games with him and we play in korean so i can get better at it.
i really miss my brother, if i could go back in time i would have done anything and everything to make him want to keep me, but i guess he never will. i don’t know if i can or will ever see him again. i miss my cousins and my family in the usa. i don’t care about Julie anymore, she got what she wanted, she has him all to herself for their family. and i hope they have one, a really happy one and i hope they never abandon their own kids like they abandoned me. lots of people were calling me spoiled, snotty, and a brat. you can think these things i don’t care but i really didn’t do anything to deserve this i think.
korean is a lot more easy to learn than i thought, i don’t think ill struggle too much. as for my dad i don’t think ill ever even talk to him in my life, but it’s not like i want to.
also Julie isn’t pregnant, i asked my brother and i don’t know if he was lying or whatever, but he said she isn’t and they were just thinking about the future. i don’t even care anymore, they can literally never talk to me again and i don’t know if ill care in like a year. hopefully i can move past this but i feel like ill just be fucked up like this forever. i just wish my life was normal yk.
and some people thought i was lying, i wish i was, but i guess my life really is this weird. there’s nothing wrong with me either so i don’t know why for more than half of my life, nobody has wanted me. i have some friends here too, that i met in korean school.
my brother was a very nice man and i hope life is very nice to him, he didn’t deserve it, i wish i never burdened him. maybe he’ll see this so, i really love you Yukio ❤️ wish you could’ve been my brother instead of my dad for most of my life. some were worried about bullying cause im japanese but we’ll see once i go to school.
bye bye 👋
edit: also some people put my story on tiktok so that was fun to look up
Top Comment
AkumaKater: Im so incredibly sorry for you, my heart breaks... It's very good that you can learn the language, it's very good that you get along with your step sibling, and it's very good that you don't search for the fault in yourself. You really got dealt a bad hand in life. And please stay strong. Life gets better. I didn't believe it myself, at times I don't believe it still, but I'm at a point in life where I can choose the people that are in my life, and it's so much better than it ever was.
You will meet the people who would rather die then live without you, so make sure you're still here when they find you.
I wish you all the best
 
Update #2 - April 26, 2024
heyyy been in jeju for a while and im liking it a lot, im also learning korean pretty well. i’ll share some pics from my insta aswell. i made an instagram so if you wanna keep getting frequent updates from there just ask and ill post the username.
i actually talked to my brother a few days ago and it wasn’t very eventful. he asked how i was and if jeju was nice. i told him i was fine and jeju was pretty. i talk to him like i barely know him as if didn’t live with him since i was 8 so that made me sad. him and julie are still together but i really don’t gaf about julie anymore. like really, i don’t even hate her anymore i just don’t care!! i guess that’s a step in the right direction.
people were suggesting therapy but it’s hard to find a therapist here that speaks fluent english. i can’t express myself in korean like i can in english so going to any random one and using the basic korean i know just won’t really do me any good i think.
some people had random questions that i thought i would answer. my step brother is 16 almost 17. i don’t really feel that bad toward my mom cause she was never bad to me, the only bad thing she did was leave me, and i didn’t really care that she did before cause i had my brother and she really is trying her best now. she was really depressed in her relationship with my father which explains the way she acted. jejuan is different (kind of) to korean but i’ve found that like nobody speaks it here i think it’s an endangered language.
if i ever talk to my brother again is something i don’t know about right now. whenever i think about him i get really mad instead of sad now. i wish i never forgave him i want him to know that i am really mad at him. but i feel like my emotions is something i can’t talk to him about anymore. the way we talk is like he’s a really distant family member that your parents force you to talk to on the phone whenever they call and they’re like “i used to change your diapers!!” but you have no memory of them ever. it’s like that. kind of sad cause he’s my brother but i guess it’s his fault.
also this next part is kinda sensitive so i guess ill put a tw for suicide/suicidal thoughts.
i was walking home from school last week after i went to the beach by myself just to sit there for a little. and to get home from the beach i walk near this cliff (idk if its really a cliff but its high and steep). i was really sad that day and i kept thinking about home and my brother. i was also feeling really worthless and like nobody wanted me that day. and i just felt this really weird urge (?) to go to the cliff and jump. like literally just jump off of it. so i walked towards the edge then just stood there. i don’t even know why i just did. i was genuinely about to jump off and then i just didn’t. don’t know what stopped me but im glad it did because that would’ve been really stupid. i hope i don’t feel like that again cause what if i actually do it? like that just scared me really bad idk.
this won’t be my last update i guess. it probably won’t be cause after that last paragraph i wouldn’t wanna worry any of you with me not updating.
some days im fine with this and some days i lay in bed and wish everything was just a dream and i could go back to how it was just a few months ago with my brother. i always wonder how my life and health would be like if this had never happened.
another thing that scares me is that i don’t know if i can ever go back to my normal self. when i was 8 i was completely fine when my parents left but when this happened i feel like i went crazy for a little. some days i wish i wasn’t alive and i never used to think like that. i’m always tired and i haven’t slept more than 5 hours in like 2 months. i feel like my brain is different ever since this happened its insane. like i genuinely think im a different person now. is that weird? lol.
dang this half of the post is really sad haha. anyways here’s some pictures from jeju and when i went thrifting.
SEE U NEXT TIME BYEE 😼
https://imgur.com/a/Bt9Dw8q
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Children quarrel with each other in other DWJ books, often for comedic effect. Fire and Hemlock shows how unchecked immaturity can play out to a devastating degree. It’s not as fanciful as Gwendolyn burning her little brother’s lives away or Christopher disappearing into another universe in a huff. These events are grounded in reality, in a way that could easily happen to you or the children in your life.
These stupid, avoidable, painful interactions felt so real. Feelling Polly’s hurt and wondering what was going to go wrong next was an absolutely grippping reading experience.
The very first page introduces us to the frenemy-ship between Polly and Nina. They start out in an innocent, idyllic way: relying on each other; loving each other; going on imaginative whimsical adventures; which to fight and quick to forgive. Polly admires Nina so much, and Nina seems to make every situation more colorful and exciting.
Then comes the ugly process of growing apart. Their friendship breaks and comes together several times, weaker every time. Nina, probably jealous of Polly, tries to knock her down a peg by telling everyone in the school that Polly comes from a broken home. The betrayal! Polly’s pridefullness never lets her show how Nina has hurt her or make a sincere move to reconcile.
When Polly wants to slip into that comfortable, familiar friendship again, she just acts like she isn’t mad or that the quarrel never happened. Buried hatchets are still sharp! Perhaps if Polly had confronted Nina with her heart in her sleeve, Nina would have given a genuine apology, and the girls could have grown truly close again, instead of just being “thrown upon each other’s company in the absence of better options.”
Meanwhile, as the girls’ personalities develop, Nina grows into someone that Polly no longer admires or even respects. The Reader painfully experiences the death of this friendship alongside Polly. The girls really loved each other at one time, and it fell apart—what a shame!
And what can I say about put the total failure to parent in this book? I’ll start with Polly’s father. He slinks around, acting afraid of every woman in his life, “standing for nothing, falling for everything” as they say. He disappears from Polly’s life without communicating why he has gone. Polly worries that he has died! He half-heartedly sent letters, but when he got no answers, he didn’t seriously try to visit his daughter, check on her, or reassure her. Truthfully, he was sniffing after another woman, his wife found out, and she threw him out. He made many half-hearted attempts to get back together with his wife and blustered about his “rights as a father,” but he never did the work to assert those rights. He never prepared a home for Polly or legally pursued 50/50 guardianship. Like so many divorced dads, he sang the song of “My ex is keeping my kid from me!” when “I aimlessly wandered away from my kid” is closer to the truth. It was easier for him to pursue a new life, moving into Johanna’s home in far-off Brighton, than to rent a flat closer to Polly.
Her dad’s lack-of-fucks-to-give are not clear to Polly until her mother throws her out. She sends her to live with her father. Communication fails again when Polly doesn’t at first know whether her father has been informed that this is forever, not just a visit. Too scared to ask directly, she says “What school shall I be going to in Brighton?” and he answers, “We’ll see about all that later,” evading the question, but showing he understands the situation.
Johanna makes it clear that Polly’s visit is a burden—her home is fastidiously clean, she refers to children as “almost as messy as pets,” and she refuses to let Polly help with the washing up. She asks Polly over their second dinner, “When are you going home?” Polly looks furtively at her shame-faced father and realizes that he has not discussed the situation with Johanna at all. He has not advocated for Johanna to open her home to Polly. Instead, he passively hoped that things would work out. Polly is so ashamed and let down, she tries the ol “you can’t fire me, I quit” defense. She says she’s going home in the morning, and her father has the gall to look relieved! He does not question her or support her at all! He doesn’t even help her buy a train ticket home or contact anyone to pick her up. He just lets his young daughter walk off: stranded, phoneless and penniless in an unfamiliar city.
The immaturity of Polly’s father is rivaled by that of her mother. If you’ll excuse my very 2020’s reading of an old story, Ivy acts like she has Borderline Personality Disorder. She runs hot and cold with every important person in her life. She adores her husband until his betrayal, then she hates him implacably. She repeats this pattern with a string of romantic interests, eventually turning on each of them when she suspects (rationally or irrationally) that they have betrayed her. I found it particularly relatable when Ivy chided her daughter for not buying “the lodger” (Ivy’s boyfriend) a Christmas present. She had never communicated with her daughter that she was dating the lodger—only indirectly showing it by lavishing him with huge meals and presents, while neglecting her daughter’s basic needs. How was Polly to know the new pecking order and the new expectations? Once Polly does warm up to the lodger, as it seemed Ivy wanted her to, Ivy flew into a rage and accused the two of them of conspiring against her. She even implied the man and child were sleeping together. Ivy’s implacable side was turned on Polly then, and the girl was thrown out.
With casual cruelty, Ivy made it clear every day that Polly was not a priority. She didn’t lock Polly in a tower, she just took away her bedroom so she could rent it out. She didn’t tear up her clothes like Cinderella’s evil stepsisters, she just passively never checked if Polly had outgrown something or needed replacements. When Polly asked her to attend school events, Ivy would express frankly that they were boring. She described the Christmas play as a punishment for her ex-husband “For if I have to attend, he should have to suffer there as well.” Polly asked her a few times over several months about attending a later theater performance, and several times Ivy evaded the question. Polly did not take the hint until her mother exploded with anger. She declared she’d done more than her part by attending when Polly was in juniors, and now she was done attending forever.
Ivy always had something to say about her personal suffering and would wax poetic about her “happiness” and how “everyone has a right to their happiness.” Yet she was quite blind to anyone’s needs but her own. She deprived her daughter of her room, of well-fitting clothes, of an emotional connection, of her father (to a point), and ultimately of physical safety.
When her child was grown, Ivy seemed only more comfortable heaping verbal abuse on her, yet she could not understand why Polly did not eagerly spend time with her. “You make it hard for anyone to feel sorry for you,” Polly finally surmised.
This book was a lesson about the pitfalls of living a life without maturity. Communication, sincerity, introspection, kindness, anger management, and decisiveness would have made all the difference here!

Friend and I owned land. He passed away. Selling now. His daughter is his heir, and in the custody of her Uncle(both in CA). Title company wants to know he is legally able to Sign real estate documents on her behalf. Currently he(uncle) has a Letter of Guardianship from state of California. The land is in Texas. Texas court needs to recognize this guardianship(per underwriter). Why is the Letter of Guardianship document from CA court not enough for title company to allow him to sign Texas real estate closing documents?

The following is a rundown of the Liebowitz family and their unbelievable story leading up to the creation of The Jesus Twins. Enjoy.
It's January 27, 1997 and Jeffrey and Eric Liebowitz, also known as The Jesus Twins, would show up the steps of WXRK with their security detail in tow.
Robin couldn't help but notice their bodyguard as she went to work that morning. "You should see. This bodyguard is bigger than all outdoors. It's like, where did they get him and how do they afford him?" Gary also couldn't wrap his head around the spectacle. "I would love to know how they make money," he says.
"Do they have rich parents are something?" asks Robin.
These are the type of questions that would follow the Twins everywhere they went after an appearance on Jay Leno's Tonight Show kicked off their infamy.

• [IMAGE] The Jesus Twins on the Tonight Show.

Surprisingly, or not, they were already used to the attention. They'd seen it their entire lives...
This story starts in 1979 when the Liebowitz clan would get their first taste of notoriety.
Marian and Stuart Liebowitz lived at 1331 Huckleberry Lane with their five children Lisa, 17, Dina, 14, Andrew, 10, and their twin Jesus boys, Jeffrey and Eric, aged 5.
Before the 1977-1978 school year, Marian and Stuart had separated.
Stuart took custody of the eldest daughters while his wife, Marian, kept the three boys. Stuart would end up renting an apartment in Hewlett and enrolling his daughters into the local high school.
While the daughters enjoy their new surroundings, the school administration is made aware of a potential fraud taking place. A source, who the school wishes to keep anonymous, had tipped them off to the living situation at the Liebowitz household. As it turns out, the daughters never left the family home. In fact, neither did Stuart.
Marian and Stuart had faked their separation.
Journalist Rita Ciolli covered their story for Newsday.

• Newsday - May 5, 1979 - Rita Ciolli: Bid to pick own school is costly, two find.

The family home on Huckleberry Lane was located inside the Lynbrook school district. The district boundary between Lynbrook and Hewlett-Woodmere cut through their block. For the family, Hewlett-Woodmere was viewed as more desirable, both socially and academically.
Desperate to get their daughters into the school of their choosing, Stuart and Marian signed a separation agreement. Stuart would then list his residence from within the Hewlett-Woodmere boundaries.
The district challenged their eligibility all the way to the Nassau Supreme Court where it was determined that the separation was indeed a hoax. The district was awarded $6,360.
The judgment would do little to deter a determined Liebowitz family as their antics only escalated.
Stuart and Marian obtained an order from the Nassau County Surrogate's Court that handed off guardianship of their daughters to Stuart's 71 year old mother, Dorothy Liebowitz. Stuart rented a $725 a month apartment for his mother at 1389 Broadway inside the Hewlett-Woodmere district.
They tried once again to enroll the daughters but were turned away. A lawsuit was initiated by Dorothy Liebowitz over the districts refusal. The Nassau Supreme Court ordered the school to enroll them until the case could later be decided. In return, the Liebowitz family was responsible for $5,377 in instructional fees towards the district.
The daughters continued to attend George W. Hewlett High School where the school alumni included the likes of Larry "Melrose Larry Green" Greenblatt.
Ciolli's story on the Liebowitz family ended up being reprinted across the country.
As crazy this story was, it only gets nuttier from here on out.
Stuart Liebowitz was an auto insurance broker who owned Claridge Brokerage out of Lynbrook, Long Island. They had 26 branches in the five boroughs of New York City, Nassau and Suffolk Counties, and Newark. Claridge specialized in assigned-risk policies. Assigned-risk provides insurance to those deemed too high-risk through the voluntary market. Claridge brokered more assigned-risk policies than anyone in the state.

Howard Stern Show, February 25, 1997:
Caller: We grew up on Long Island. We went to Lawrence High School.
Howard: What high school?
Caller: Lawrence.
Howard: Ah, Lawrence. You guys grew up rich.
Gary: These are Five Town boys?
Howard: Five Town boys. Now the truth comes out.
Jesus Twin: I was born in Manhattan. I don't know who this bitch is.

The family grew up in the affluent area known as “The Five Towns” in Long Island. In 1982, they resided at 120 Piermont Ave in Hewlett Bay Park. At the time, their home was valued at $500,000. Worth Magazine once proclaimed their village the second richest place in America.

Howard Stern Show, February 25, 1997:
Howard: I don't know how the hell you're affording all of this. Somebody told me your parents are very wealthy or something.
Mendelsohn: That's complete superfluous.
Howard: Is that true or not? Don't tell me it's superfluous. Are your parents very wealthy?
Mendelsohn: It's irrelevant.
Howard: Where is all the money coming from?
Gary: Actually, what we heard was that-- I mean, I can just say this. What we heard was that their father was involved in some sort of scandal and the money was never found and people seem to think they have it.
Mendelsohn: No, not true.

In 1981, the State Insurance Department hired 13 investigators for their new fraud bureau. Their first target was Liebowitz, 44, who had racked up 4,000 consumer complaints at Claridge Brokerage in a mere four years.

• Newsday - March 1, 1981 - Henry Gilgoff - Broker stirs tide of complaints.
• Newsday - November 16, 1982 - The inside story of insurance probe.

It's alleged that Liebowitz kept assigned-risk premiums paid for by his clients, which in turn never made it to the insurers. Instead, Liebowitz sent his own checks which were ultimately returned due to insufficient funds. In the 27,000 new policies written by Claridge in 1980 and 1981, it was estimated that funds had been misappropriated in upwards of 13,000 of them. The scheme was said to cost the insurance companies anywhere between $4-6 million.
Liebowitz was ultimately charged and had his license revoked.
Eighteen days after losing their license, an undercover investigator went to Claridge's offices and successfully purchased a policy.
The fraud bureau followed by raiding Claridge's offices and securing all their files. After combing through their paperwork, they found the fraud to be bigger than originally thought.

• Newsday - July 8, 1982 - James Bernstein - Broker held in $4 million scam.
• Daily News - July 8, 1982 - Robert Carroll: Seize broker and 3 in auto policy scam.

On March 27, 1984, Liebowitz was convicted by a Nassau County jury in 1984 of grand larceny in the second degree (three counts), grand larceny in the third degree, petty larceny, commercial bribing in the first degree and scheme to defraud in the first degree. In the People v. Liebowitz, "The People offered evidence of approximately 1,000 dishonored checks dated October 7, 1980 through May 25, 1981, returned to the plan by insurance carriers.” $330,000 worth of stolen premiums were entered into evidence.
He had also created multiple brokerage firms to hide his tracks. Two of those, "Jeffrey Brokerage Inc" and "Eric Brokerage Inc," were named after his twin sons.
The following month, Liebowitz was convicted yet again in an scam involving brokers, adjusters, and body shops who created bogus accident reports and repair bills while pocketing the proceeds. The state of New York claimed the scheme defrauded upwards of $54 million. Liebowitz, one of twenty nine people involved in the bust, processed over $1 million worth of fake claims. Albert B. Lewis, who was the State Insurance Superintendent at the time, called the entire operation the largest case of fraud in the history of the department.

• Newsday - October 23, 1982 - Barbara Fischkin: Broker faces 2nd car-scam charge.

After all was said and done, Liebowitz received a combined sentence of 7 to 21 years along with a $1 million fine. A state attorney spokesperson claimed it was the toughest penalty ever given to a white-collar criminal in New York history. He was released on a $100,000 bail bond.
After a failed appeal, Liebowitz was set to show up at the Nassau County Court on August 5th, 1985 to begin his sentence.
Only he didn't appear.
Liebowitz had fake documents drawn up and headed up north. When he crossed the Canadian border, he began his new life as “Alan Fox.”
Liebowitz hid in plain sight by starting exactly where he left off. He became an unlicensed mortgage broker and created Blue Jay Mortgage on Parliament Street right in downtown Toronto. He lived at 65 Harbour Square where he paid $2,000 a month for a condo facing Lake Ontario. In no time at all, his operation ballooned to 24 employees. Liebowitz also found love in a chartered accountant whom he'd proposed to.
Secretive arrangements were made for the family to see Liebowitz in his new surroundings. Brother of The Jesus Twins, Andrew Liebowitz, described in a social media post how they'd sneak the family across the border. “Nobody ever knew when I was going there or where I was going. I just disappeared on a whim under a different name,” he said.
In December of 1986, an anonymous letter was sent to Robert Abrams, the Attorney General of New York state. Inside was a tip that Liebowitz had fled to Toronto.
While the young “Jesus Twins” were making flights from New York to Toronto, they were completely unaware that authorities had been using them as the bait that would lead them to their father. "We knew the kids were out of town. Through our surveillance we knew they were in Canada,” said Russell McGurk, spokesman for state Attorney General.

Howard Stern Show, February 25, 1997:
Jesus Twin: He was a fugitive. We went to Canada. We used to visit him... So then he got caught, we came back, and he was in jail.

Liebowitz was arrested at Toronto Pearson International Airport on April 21, 1987 after he was spotted dropping off his twins, Jeffrey and Eric, for their return flight home. Toronto Police Sergeant Jake Mol, who had been on the lookout for the past three months, made the arrest.
"I just happened to luck in on him last Tuesday. He pulled up next to me and I recognized him," said Mol.
Mol also recalled how Liebowitz “almost fainted” when being referred to by his real name.
It wasn't Canadian authorities first encounter with “Alan Fox.” He had previously been detained by the RCMP and immigration officials.
"They held him for about three hours a year ago when he crossed the border when they suspected his birth certificate was a phony. But they had to let him go because they didn't have anything on him," Mol said.
Liebowitz was sent to the Toronto Don Jail while awaiting his future.

• The Toronto Star - April 28, 1987 - Dorothy O'Neill - Convicted American swindler goes before deportation hearing.

The case quickly turned into an international incident.
Liebowitz was represented by Charles Roach, a prominent civil rights attorney who once advocated for the Black Panthers and American draft dodgers seeking asylum in Canada.
On April 28, 1987, Liebowitz was set to appear at an immigration hearing to decide whether or not he was in the country legally.

• April 28, 1987: Stuart Liebowitz outside of deportation hearing. (photo by Ron Bull, Toronto Star)

During the hearing, Roach would argue that his client had been politically railroaded in New York and would be seeking refugee status in Canada. He'd also requested that Liebowitz be released from jail on bond. Liebowitz tried his best to reassure the court that he wouldn't jump bail yet again. "I have friends here. I have a girlfriend, a fiancé... I have nowhere else really to go," he said. "There's no risk in the world that I would leave." He'd also cite the “horrible” conditions at the Don Jail as reasoning for bail. "I was put in a cell with somebody from a penitentiary."
While Liebowitz claimed he had no assets, friends offered to put up $30,000. "I cannot believe a person who has breached a $100,000 deportation bond would respect a $30,000 bond," replied the deportation hearing adjudicator. He was denied bail and sent back to his cell.

• Toronto Star - April 29, 1987 - Heather Bird: U.S. fugitive claims refugee status.

At his extradition hearing, Roach argued that the Liebowitz conviction was politically motivated by New York Attorney General Robert Abrams who was seeking re-election. Roach claimed that his client had been arrested during an election year and was used as a scapegoat for already high insurance premiums.
Liebowitz testified at the hearing. 'I felt I was really taken advantage of by the court system... I was given a horrendous sentence," he said.

• Daily News - August 7, 1987 - I was framed, fugitive says.

On August 8, 1987, Liebowitz was ordered by Canada to be extradited back to Nassau County.
Upon return, Liebowitz was taken to a prison in upstate New York and was indicted for bail jumping. His attorney argued that, under the extradition treaty, his client could not be prosecuted for a crime other than that on which the extradition was based.
The Canadian Ministry of Justice agreed.

• National Post - September 21, 1988 - Diane Francis: Ottawa defends fugitive to protect treaty.

Despite this, Judge Harrington ruled against Liebowitz and pushed forward for a trial.
Eventually, a four-justice Appellate Division panel reversed Harrington's decision. The charges related to bail jumping were dismissed and Liebowitz would serve out his sentence without any additional penalties for fleeing the country.

Howard Stern Show, February 25, 1997:
Howard: And what about your dad? Was he a rich guy or something?
Jesus Twin: My dad was incarcerated.
Howard: Was he really?
Jesus Twin: For seven years.
Howard: What for?
Jesus Twin: Embezzlement.

Liebowitz was sent to the Green Haven Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison, in Stormville, NY.
John Gotti, Nicky Barnes, and Lucky Luciano all spent time within the walls of Green Haven. It currently houses Mark David Chapman, the man responsible for murdering John Lennon.

Howard Stern Show, February 25, 1997:
Howard: Is he with your mom or like they broke up?
Jesus Twin: No, they split up.

The twins' mother, Marian, split with Stuart Liebowitz and continued working as a mortgage broker.
Liebowitz, on the other hand, had been seeking love from the confines of his cell. An ad put out by him in a California newspaper promised his potential mate a prosperous life upon release. "Divorced male, age 50, incarcerated for white-collar crime, seeks female pen pal between 30-40. Excellent future awaits my return to society."

• The Enterprise - Simi Valley, California - May 19, 1989: Inmate wants a pen pal.

Jeffrey and Eric would kick off their musical aspirations while their father was behind bars. "Youngblood" was the early 90's precursor to what would later be known as The Jesus Twins.

• Youngblood - Move It
• Youngblood - If Ever We're Holding Hands

In the years that followed, the twins concentrated their efforts into fighting California's “three-strike's” law. They credited their father's time in prison as an inspiration. "We grew up very empathetic when you go visit someone you love in prison," said Eric Liebowitz. Their track, "This Moment," was written in an effort to help draw attention to the cause.

My family tree is well documented for many generations but we have not put it online. My brothers and I are now considering doing so and I have a couple of questions. We have documents including birth, marriage, and death certificates, military papers, passports, baptismal records, wills, deeds, letters patent, and others going back in some cases to the sixteenth century. We are not interested at present in DNA.
First, does anyone recommend a specific site or service? Second, how do people document blended families? I am getting married soon. My husband has two sons ages 12 and 10. I will acquire legal guardianship of them but not formally adopt them (they call me by my first name rather than “father”). Their mother died when they were quite young but they gave an active relationship with her parents. I’m interested how these sorts of things are managed.
Thanks in advance for any advice!

My friends and I were evicted in December, they took our entire deposit for works needed that really didn't correlate with the condition of the property. They also refused to give us a proper breakdown of costs, but there is no way in hell they spent the £2300 deposit on 'repairs'. It was a guardianship company called Lowe's who managed the property that we were guardians at. Since December we've been in 2 minds about taking them to small claims court as they absolutely took the piss on our deposit, but we're all fairly busy and just couldn't decide whether it was worth it or not. This morning my friend who's currently in Bali received a message from a debt collection agency saying we owe them £1800! Never had any mention of this from Lowe's, they actually said if we took them to small claims court they'd be forced to charge us the remaining £900. I thought this was a deterrent from them, implying their guilt. However today this had become much more extreme. Below are copies of emails between my friend and Lowe's and the message from the debt collection agency. To reiterate, we also have photo and video evidence of the condition of the building, there is zero chance that they spent that much money on repairs. Any advice would be amazing, thank you.
Client: Lowe Management Ltd Balance: £1850.76 Dear Mr Macintyre-George, We have been instructed by our client to collect the outstanding amount on this account. Despite their efforts to recover the debt, it remains unpaid. Our client is hopeful that this matter can be resolved without resorting to costly legal action. The balance is calculated as follows: Original debt balance £1480.07 Interest to date: £23.68 Recoverable costs: £347.01 Interest is currently being accrued at a daily rate. To prevent further steps, we kindly request immediate payment. Please quote 2382149 when remitting payment to the address provided below. Cheques should be made payable to Lowe Management Ltd and sent to: Redwood Collections Ltd, Airport House, Purley Way, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 0XZ. Alternatively, you may make a payment by contacting us on 020 4519 4787 during our office hours (8:30 am to 6:00 pm, Monday to Friday), online at www.redwoodcollections.com/payment, or through bank transfer to the following account: Barclays Bank Account Number: 03355691 Sort Code: 20-14-33. Please ensure that your payment is marked with your reference number 2382149 to avoid any misallocation. IMPORTANT NOTICE: If full payment or a satisfactory repayment proposal is not received promptly, we will advise our client to issue a formal letter of claim in accordance with Civil Procedure Rules. Legal proceedings may be initiated thereafter, resulting in additional costs and interest.020 4519 4787
Yours sincerely,
Billy Morcombe Senior Account Manager
Emails with Lowe's
11:38 可 回［ • • • • • • T to me v Good afternoon James, I hope you're well. We have noticed that you have been requesting a refund of your security deposit. However, we regret to inform you that we will not be able to refund you any money due to the condition in which the property was left. As there are still outstanding balances for the decorating and cleaning costs, as well as an electricity bill of £900.00, we will not be able to process your refund request. Please note that if you are not willing to pay the outstanding balance, we kindly request that you refrain from contacting us again. It you choose to take legal action, we will be forced to recover the money you owe us. Kinds regards, Grace.
Hello James, Thank you for your call the other day. One of the other tenants has asked for a breakdown of costs as to why the deposit won't be returned. I have asked the Head of Property Services to break down the costs for us: Please see Nigel Road Breakdown 1) Cleaning - £600.00 2) Outstanding utilities - £615 3) Redecorating cost (Materials) - £887.58 4) Redecorating cost (Labour) - {1,400.00 Total - £3,502.58 Kind Regards, Isabelle j me

Real quick I just want to make it clear that I am not blood related to this sister however we were both adopted by the same parents and there is a big age gap between us. I am 19(F) and she is 43(F)
PLEASE READ THIS PART IF YOU WANT TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THE STORY:
When I was born, my real mother was a heavy fentanyl addict and my real father was also into drugs however I don't know what kind. I was taken away from them at around 6 months old and was placed in foster care until I was 2. I then was adopted by my great aunt and great uncle who were in their late 40s to early 50s. They loved me the best they could but by the time I was 4, my mother got sick with corticobasal ganglionic degeneration. I don't want to get too much into that sickness but long story short, it kills your brain cells and paralyzes you.
Anyway, my dad started to drink and get very aggressive with me and my mom. He would slam her into the walls, the chairs, the floor, anything.
Just because she couldn't stand by herself and her only way to communicate was through screaming and drooling (she drooled A LOT) fits. This understandably made him stressed out. He had a sick wife who couldn't care for herself and needed around-the-clock care and a young daughter who couldn't do anything and had a full-time job as the owner of a big company. This DOES NOT make what he did acceptable of course.
I didn't get much attention from them after she got sick so I was always alone at home unless I was at school. I remember between the ages of 5-9, my mom tried to spend time with me but I didn't want to spend time with her because I was scared of her screaming fits that she had about 8+ a day (no I'm not exaggerating I promise). I hate myself for that so much. She was so kind to me and all I did was push her away. I will never forgive myself for that.
2014-2018: (I was 13)
We finally got one of those caregivers for old people with health problems. She was horrible. I won't go into detail about it but I will speak about a few things. She stole my mom's car for about 2 years after she had already died (we got it back don't worry), her money, my dad's money, my great grandmother's ring, invited herself on our family vacations, and just did not care for my mom whatsoever. My dad was VERY bad at putting his foot down with anyone to the point he couldn't fire her because he didn't want to deal with it. My mom tried to tell my dad how horrible she was to her but he wouldn't believe her. This happened till the day she died. So in total about 4 years. She was in the hospital by herself for a week until she died of kidney failure.
2020: (I was 15)
2 years later, one day my dad started having pain in his hernia that he had left untreated for about 13 or so years. He does not like doctors so he refused to go to one (I do not know why but I had theories of why). About a week later he came home from work early which has been normal for him this past week and I was talking to him about something cool that had happened the day before while my back was turned. When I turned back around he was just laying in the chair he was in and I was confused at first until I started seeing white foaming stuff coming from his mouth. I then screamed and called 911. They put me on hold and switched me to multiple people at a bunch of different times. They finally got to him and took him away. He died because of a heart attack on the way to the hospital. I often blame myself because the hospital was just right outside my neighborhood and if I could have picked him up and put him in the truck, maybe I could have saved him.
I feel like I'm supposed to be mad at them and hate them but I just don't. They did their best and to be honest it just wasn't the right time to take me in. However, I appreciate everything they did for me even tho I was a brat at times. I appreciate that my mom spoiled me even tho I was rude to her and scared of her because of her sickness. I appreciate all the little things my dad did for me. I miss everything about them and I would give anything to have them back, even just for a day
THE MAIN POINT OF THIS STORY:
2020-2022: (I was 16)
When my parents died I went to live with my sister. I didn't originally want to because that meant I was moving away from the place I had lived in for the past 13+ years but I didn't think it would be that bad. I was wrong. She has lied to the police about me attempting to kill myself (I have never been suicidal in my life) and physically hurt me (on rare occasions but still). She has also gaslighted me, manipulated me, and emotionally and verbally abused me. There is more but I do not want to get too much into the minor details. I had so much evidence on my old phone as to why she was a bad guardian and I couldn't live with her and I had sent it to my assigned attorney for her to help me in the situation I was in. I will admit I did have loud outbursts towards her at home when I didn't feel heard but that did not happen very often. They didn't do anything. After she got full custody, She sent me away to a treatment center in Utah called, Second Chances in Southern Utah (SCINSU). I was there for about 16 months. I went in on May 5th, 2021 and it closed down on September 9th, 2022. Here was my experience:
Not sure where to start with this one so I guess I’ll just start off with something random. The way I got there was by being gooned. It was terrifying having two big adults take you out of your bed at 3 in the morning to a strange place and not tell you anything about it. SCINSU drilled into our heads that if we don't follow the rules of SCINSU, even in the outside world, we would be deemed as unhealthy and bad people and that over all we would not succeed. When that kind of narrative is shoved down your throat for so long, being told that you won't move up in the program or go home. It starts hurting you mentally and emotionally and it makes you think that what they are saying is true. She almost never came to family therapy and never wrote me a single letter. She claimed that it was because "we talk to each other once a week for 30 minutes so there is no point". I felt so left out because of all the kids that would get about 4-6 letters throughout the week and I got, none. One family therapy I do remember was when she told me she used my money (I had 30k in my savings) to pay off her debt, another story she had was she used it for my dog and her vet bills (she has been perfectly healthy and has never had any serious issues, and now has changed the story to using it on my first 2-3 months of SCINSU. She had also told me in another one that my friends did not care about me and it sent me into this spiral for most of my stay. Oh and the fact that while I was there in my time of 16 months, over 5 male staff had been proven to be predators and grooming us because they were attracted to us minors. They took advantage of us when we were vulnerable and when she was told about everything that had happened, she didn't even bother to talk to me. The fact that when we all had to call our parents about the whole predator situation and everyone's parents wanted to talk to their kids, except for her, is so upsetting to me… she screamed at me through the phone saying “I told Ms.Kite (not her real name ofc) I specifically did not want to talk to you” and I responded with “I'm sorry-”. Then she hung up the phone. One of the times I needed her most and she couldn't be there. They said that they didn't know and didn't have a clue about anything but there had been girls and staff (the good ones obviously) warning the previous director about the behaviors and actions these predators had done and what did he choose to do? Nothing. I have no idea if the older staff had a background check or not. The newest ones however did not get background checked. Background checks were not properly done, especially with male staff so no wonder why girls were being preyed on. What doesn't make sense to me is that some staff would get fired for being too nice, getting too close to us, etc. Some of the staff that we felt safe around and that we could go to when we had an issue were fired within a week or two even got fired just for us being “too attached” to them but 25+ year old men who try to date us are okay to stay right? There were times when they overmedicated us to “fix the problem”. There were times when they didn't give us meds at all because they thought we didn't really need them, even if a doctor prescribed them. A girl had even ran away from the program and got pregnant. When she was found about 2 months later and went back to SCINSU she was given a pill and forced to take it to have a miscarriage. She found out she miscarried the following morning. She and her parents were never notified about this pill either. This is just OUTRAGEOUS to me! I just can’t believe the awful staffing they had there and all the regulations the state had made and they were not being followed yet no one said or did anything!
It ended up shutting down on September 9th, 2023. It is a long story but to make it short, the owner is a domestic abuser and abused his wife and kids.
To be honest, there is SO MUCH MORE but that is what I remember from the top of my head. Let me know if I should go into more detail about anything else I remember it in the comments!
September - October 2022: (I am 17)
Once I was back in Texas, I found out she had extended custody for the rest of my life until the courts say otherwise. Mind you I AM NOT DISABLED AND I AM PERFECTLY HEALTHY besides PTSD ofc. She booked me a hotel room that I stayed in for a month while she was trying to find another treatment center for me to stay in. The silly thing is that she didn't want me to go back to the house I lived at. On the first night, I am not completely sure why but she granted me access to her laptop whenever I wanted. I used this as an opportunity to reach out to my friends to see if she really was telling me the truth about them not caring about me. I am so glad I did because what I found out was shocking. They all texted me everything that happened with photos and videos of them even driving down about 4-5 hours to my house to find me MULTIPLE TIMES!!! They even had photos and videos of their conversations with my sister and she told them nothing! I kept this secret for about a week until I decided to message one of my lawyers about something and that is when I got caught. He told her that I was sending him emails of questions about the guardianship she had over me. She got very upset and took the laptop away from me but thankfully I still had my VR headset and my Xbox that she brought from home and even the computer downstairs in the lobby that I could use to contact my friends. Now because of the Laptop situation she had hired people who work with old folks with dementia to watch me in this hotel I remember being told that I didn't match anything that my file told me and that they very much enjoyed me and I was not a horrible kid like they were told about so they pretty much just let me do whatever as long as I told them where I was going. After the laptop situation, I maybe saw her 3 or 4 times just because she had to drop off something/pick up something from the hotel room and just ignored me and did not want to have any interaction with me it was a very lonely draining 31 days...
I finally got into a place and was there for 11 months. I turned 18 there but because of the extended guardianship, I was not allowed to leave and was still seen as a minor. I graduated high school there on September 15th, 2023, and left 3 days later because of some issues with my sister
September 2023: (I am 18)
We found an Independent living program in Salt Lake City, Utah and it is not that bad but it's not the best either, however, I was grateful to be out of residential treatment centers. She dropped me off here with my stuff and about 2 days later blocked me. Never gave me a reason as to why. I struggled with getting an ID and getting all my documents because she wasn't sending them (she finally did ofc). The ID was $23 and the program I am in could have helped me because they pay for things like that but because I came in with about $4.87 they said I could do it on my own. I didn't have any way to make money besides selling my MTG cards and playing my guitar in the streets until I found out I needed a permit for that. It took about 3-4 months to get the money needed for my state ID
In conclusion,
Right now I am 19 and I am just trying to remember how the real world works and to be honest it is very hard but I just need to take baby steps and it will get easier over time. I have a job at Jimmy Johns now and it took 6 months to get it but I am happy to have it! Gives me something to look forward to! :)
I feel like she resents me because Mom and Dad left everything to me and left her nothing. I don't know why but I feel like she probably treated them the same way she treated me and that is probably why I maybe only saw her 3 or 4 times in the first 15 years of my life until the day she took interest in me.
I don't think I can ever forgive her for putting me through all that stuff for the past 3 years and to this day. As a kid, I dreamed of going to prom and other school dances with a handsome boy for as long as I could remember and having all these crazy stories from high school with all my friends, and just living like a semi-normal teenager. That will never happen now and I will never get that back. She also refuses to give me my stuff back unless I keep a job for about 3 months and pay her for everything and all these little terms and conditions. I feel like I shouldn't have to pay considering everything she has done and all the money she has stolen from me but I don't know how else I'm getting anything back so I will just have to do it. She wants me to become a ward of the state so she doesn't have to talk to me anymore or be responsible for me. This will be happening on April 1st. She believes everything she has done to me is okay and justified as well. Wish me luck guys. I'll update you all as soon as possible. <3
PS: I am sorry there might be some very vague things but it is to protect my privacy

My Aunt is 81 with stage 5 Alzheimer's and lives with me. Normally we don't file for her as she her income is not high enough. This year, the Texas legislature gave a 7500.00 stipend to all of its retirees over 80. (she was not a teacher, she was a part time lunch lady, her pension is 249.00 a month) TRS automatically deducted taxes and it put her over the income threshold so we had to file.
So this week I get a letter saying they need to see her to verify her identity at a local office. We live in a very remote area. The "local" office is over 100 miles away. If I put her in a car and drive her over an hour and a half, she will be in full meltdown mode.
So I call the number in the letter and try to explain. But since I am not her (she does not remember how to work a regular phone much less a smart phone) they wouldn't talk to me. The lady just said to fill out form 56, submit it and call back.
I looked at form 56. It looks like that is for if I have guardianship. I have durable power of attorney. I don't think POA is gonna fly with them. and to petition for guardianship would cost more than the refund.
I am 57 years old, work full time with a business on the side, take care of my aunt and my husband who has a chronic health condition. The refund was around 2000.00. I am thinking about just not pursuing it. Its too much stress on her and me, not to mention the time off work if we ever did get the meeting.
Does anyone know if they will accept a durable power of attorney to allow me to speak for her? If so, is form 56 the right form?
​

2 questions in here.
My parents are split, my parent 1(p1) had a stroke in January. P1 has become childlike and has lost a lot of intelligence. Will definitely not be allowed to be home alone kind of situation.(unsafe, will probably drive, will forget to turn stove off, etc) i had to teach p1 how to use a phone multiple times. (Make calls, answer, turn on screen. I had to remove passcode because they dont understand numbers or letters). P1 is a very irresponsible parent. I dont live with p1. P1 has had liscence pulled because of stroke.
P2 is a cosigner on the loan for p1. P1 insurance will not insure p1s car. P2 has been told by p1 insurance that if anything happens to p1s car while p1 is driving. P2 is paying the loan and p2 is on the hook for any damages. The car is in p1 name.
How can p2 prevent the car from being used. Without legal issues. Or how can p2 force the car out of p1 residence.
Second question. Someone has been filling p1 prescriptions since hospitalized. We suspect family is using the insurance and copping the pills. Do i need a written from the hospital first that it isnt the hospital then go to their pharmacy and get written? and who do i contact to investigate.(narcotics involved) p2 wants to know the best course of action.
TIA and if there are any clarifications needed lmk. I might take a bit. But i will do my best to respond.
Edits for more info asked:
All insurance is in p2 name. I am not in a position to take guardianship. The siblings one of which we suspect is the pill thief are dealing with that.

"technique for physicians who fail to conform to official government narratives is mandatory referral for psychiatric or neuropsychological testing, writes neurologist Lawrence Huntoon, M.D., in the spring issue of the Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons...Hearsay, rumor, and suspicion...denied full due process." https://forextv.com/top-news/abusive-referrals-for-psychiatric-assessment-are-a-tool-of-sham-physician-peer-review-according-to-journal-of-american-physicians-and-surgeons/
"Clozapine...1958...provoke(s) seizures and low blood pressure...often fatal condition called agranulocytosis, where a dramatic loss of white blood cells wrecks a patient’s immune system and leaves them overwhelmingly vulnerable to infections...common side effects include agitation, constipation, dizziness and fatigue...tremors, and serious weight gain. It is an intervention that should be sanctioned only in desperate cases...moderately effective in 41%" https://unherd.com/2024/03/the-truth-about-antipsychotics/
"Quetiapine and olanzapine poisonings and related deaths had the highest rates of co‐ingestion of opioids, benzodiazepines and pregabalin." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10953398/
alaska "grievance law A S47.30.847 only gives some people in locked psychiatric facilities a right by state law to file a grievance...must have an enforcement mechanism." https://www.adn.com/opinions/letters/2024/03/21/letter-psychiatric-patient-rights/
new jersey "Senate Republican Leader Anthony M. Bucco (R-25)...make the necessary changes and investments to ensure that individuals no longer languish in emergency rooms beyond what is medically necessary. Additionally, efforts should be made to ensure that individuals receive appropriate care in the least restrictive environment possible." https://www.insidernj.com/press-release/bucco-calls-for-improved-care-for-individuals-with-mental-illness/
"so mentally ill that they shouldn't be in the system. And that's what our competency diversion program is designed to do is identify these people early so they never get on a waitlist, they never even end up in court. They get wraparound services...9 unsuccessful due to lack of engagement.” Dr. Szasz was against the insanity plea. I don't think it's fair to the victims not to execute murderers. psych pills don't improve most conditions or petty thieves. https://www.denver7.com/news/360/examining-competency-in-colorado-courts-delays-solutions-and-how-it-impacts-victims
"(prolonged (heart) QTc interval ≥ 440 msec; 41.4% of cases). Patients in group B had significantly high incidences of quetiapine intake, bradycardia, hypotension, hypokalemia, and long duration of hospital stay." https://www.researchgate.net/publication/379043554_Predictors_for_prolonged_qt_intervals_in_acute_antipsychotic_poisoned_patients
Convention of the Rights of Persons with Disabilities, "Article 5 of the ECHR (Europe) permits involuntary hospitalization but currently does not require it to be available. Psychiatric treatment only provided with consent would comply with both instruments.” https://www.madinamerica.com/2024/03/involuntary-treatment-the-legal-battle-over-human-rights-in-mental-health/
"Three whistleblowers can move forward with their claim that Centra Health Inc. violated the False Claims Act by billing Medicare and Medicaid for psychiatric services at a Virginia hospital that weren’t provided." https://news.bloomberglaw.com/federal-contracting/centra-health-unable-to-stop-psychiatric-services-fraud-claim
"Statin resulted in psychiatric side effects...grumpy and angry...link between statins and aggressive behavior in women in 2015 (PLoS One, July 1, 2015). Since then, a few other studies have addressed the connection between statins and suicide (Biomedicines, Oct. 28, 2021)." https://journalnow.com/statin-resulted-in-psychiatric-side-effects/article_183e22d0-e6d0-11ee-9129-2bd88fbe746a.html
england "Mental Health Resistance Network, which in 2015 resisted a government pilot that would station therapists at jobcentres, describing the move as “forced treatment” for benefits claimants...word “work” appears in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (a tool frequently used for psychiatric diagnosis) almost 400 times, reiterating the extent to which mental illness is defined by its impact on the market...applications, appeals … it’s a complete insult to say it’s too easy to get benefits." https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/ma22/tories-cared-mental-health-mel-stride
"Centre for Legal Resources on behalf of Valentin Campeanu v. Romania and N. (No. 2) v. Romania, concerning deficiencies in the legal protection system for adults with intellectual disabilities or mental health conditions and their access to justice, the Commissioner underlines the need for further steps to replace guardianship with supported decision making." https://actmedia.eu/daily/romania-must-apply-the-decisions-of-the-european-court-of-human-rights-regarding-the-rights-of-people-with-intellectual-disabilities/107789
Podcast: "journalist Isabelle Taft about mental health laws in Mississippi." https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/6jcw6p/Mississippi_final.mp3 The region jails suspected criminals 10 years before trial, but psych is worse.

On February 27 2024, Claudia Lawrence should have been blowing out the candles on her 50th birthday cake, surrounded by loving family and friends. Instead, this week marks 15 years since the young chef’s mysterious disappearance – and her mother, Joan, thinks it’s high time that the City of York council put Claudia’s empty home to good use.
“I would like the house to be used for a charitable purpose,” said Joan, 80. “Maybe it could be used by someone in need, whether it be a family who are homeless, or someone who has had to escape their own home. It could be used as a safe house for someone who has suffered domestic abuse.”
It’s an extraordinarily generous thought from a woman who has endured unimaginable pain. Understandably, just entering Claudia’s now cobwebbed, eerie house is a wrench. “It takes so much out of me every time I walk through the front door,” explained Joan earlier this week. “Every time I come here, it’s heartbreaking.”
The nightmare is simply inescapable for a family still desperately hoping for answers. But, a decade and a half on, this cold case remains stubbornly unsolved – and the silence is deafening.
Did the police botch the investigation, as Joan alleges? Were they right to leak salacious claims about Lawrence’s romantic life? And are there people out there still covering for her abductor, or her murderer?
What we do know for sure is that it’s all a far cry from Claudia’s happy middle-class upbringing. Born in 1974 to Peter, a successful solicitor, and Joan, the former mayor of their market town of Malton, in North Riding, she was raised in a comfortable home with older sister Ali.
Food was always Claudia’s passion, and she qualified as a chef at her local catering college. In 2006 she found the perfect job working at Goodrick College at the University of York (she’d previously struggled with late-night restaurant hours), and the following year she bought a two-bedroom terraced cottage in Heworth, a suburb of York.
Claudia was a regular at local pub the Nag’s Head. Her friend Suzy Cooper recalled girly chats about their guilty-pleasure television favourites, such as soap Hollyoaks and the infidelity drama Mistresses (the latter would prove ironic), and Claudia would often have people over for dinner. She also enjoyed riding and topping up her tan on the sunbed she kept in her spare bedroom.
On Wednesday March 18 2009, Claudia, then 35, finished her usual morning shift at 2.30pm and headed home – walking the two-mile route, as her Vauxhall Corsa had recently broken down. A passing friend gave her a lift.
Later Claudia sent Cooper a text message – the pair were planning a holiday to Greece – and just after 8pm, she called her father, Peter, for a chat. Nothing seemed amiss: they agreed to meet up that Friday. She then rang her mum (her parents were separated by this point) and together they watched, and gossiped about, Location, Location, Location. Her final, innocuous, text went to a barman she knew in Cyprus.
That was the last time anyone heard from her.
The following day, March 19, Claudia didn’t turn up for work at 6am – highly unusual for this conscientious employee. However, her manager, after fruitlessly calling her mobile, opted not to report her absence. Police later discovered that her phone was deliberately switched off by someone at around 12.10pm. What might have happened if the authorities had been alerted then? We can only wonder.
That evening, Cooper waited in vain for Claudia at the Nag’s Head, and when she still couldn’t get hold of her friend the next day, alarm bells rang. She alerted Claudia’s parents, and on March 20 her dad used the spare key to enter her house. She wasn’t there. At that point, he said, he was “worried to death”.
There was no sign of forced entry or disturbance, and the only items missing were Claudia’s chef’s whites, rucksack and Samsung mobile phone – all of which she would normally take to work. Her passport and credit cards were still there.
Peter officially reported her to North Yorkshire Police as a missing person and the search began. However, they were already way behind: the first 48 hours are critical in these cases.
Meanwhile Joan tortured herself with the thought that her daughter might have been snatched while walking to work. She had offered her money for a taxi, “but she wouldn’t take it. She liked walking for the exercise”.
A week after Lawrence’s disappearance, Det Supt Ray Galloway took charge of the inquiry. He noted that her usual flurry of texts had stopped on the Wednesday evening, so speculated that she might have been abducted then, and he thought it most likely she had been taken by someone she knew.
On March 26 the Archbishop of York led prayers for Claudia’s return and on April 24, it was officially classed as a murder investigation. Crimestoppers offered a £10,000 reward for information.
But already the police were making crucial mistakes, claimed Joan. She pointed to them releasing a picture of Claudia with the wrong hair colour, not forensically examining the house for more than a month, and not initially interviewing her. “I can’t help but believe these errors have been part of the reason the case has never been solved,” Joan said last month.
Two sightings were reported from members of the public that could have a bearing on Claudia’s disappearance. A cyclist saw a woman and a man together on Melrosegate bridge at 5.35am on March 19, and just after 6am a commuter witnessed a couple arguing outside the university – the latter said the man was wearing a dark hoodie.
The police found CCTV footage of a man – also wearing a dark hoodie – at the back of Claudia’s house at 5.50am.
Here the focus of the investigation shifted to Lawrence’s love life, and the police began alleging that the apparently single woman had in fact been having multiple steamy affairs. Appearing on Crimewatch in June, Galloway told presenter Kirsty Young: “As the investigation has developed it’s become apparent that some of Claudia’s relationships had an element of complexity and mystery to them. I’m certain that some of those relationships were not known to her family or friends.”
That tantalising morsel sparked a tabloid feeding frenzy. Cue nasty labels like “scarlet woman” and “home-wrecker”, and headlines such as “Missing chef Claudia Lawrence ‘got a kick out of married men and had 40 mystery lovers’, claims friend”.
That “friend” elaborated: “She’d turn on the charm and draw attention to herself. It always seemed to revolve around people who were with someone or married.”
He continued: “There were rumours she’d been seeing a policeman. I don’t know if that’s true, but there were so many people – builders and others – and they’d all be a bit older and with a bob or two.”
Galloway barrelled forward with that salacious line of inquiry. By October, he was publicly warning her so-called secret lovers to expect a knock on the door unless they co-operated. He added: “We have got to the point where there is definitely frustration in the investigation team as a result of some men who are less than candid when we approach them.”
A police profiler suggested that Claudia had entered into these covert affairs because she suffered from low self-esteem, and didn’t feel worthy of a real long-term relationship. It’s a fair supposition, and fits with other descriptions of her as shy and humble.
However, the lurid reporting compounded the agony for Claudia’s family. Someone told her father: “It’s probably her own fault, if she was like that.” You’d hope that the force would handle such a case with more sensitivity now – although it’s certainly not a given. Just look at Lancashire Police putting out clumsy statements about Nicola Bulley’s reported struggles with alcohol last year.
Galloway later admitted that he regretted his words: “Unfortunately people do make moral judgments about these kinds of relationships, and it’s detrimental to an investigation, because people lose their motivation to assist.”
Claudia’s friend Suzy Cooper said in 2011 that she felt the police inquiry was too focused on those relationships “when it may not have had anything to do with that. Did they miss something?”
Officers did cast a wide net, even extending it to Cyprus, Claudia’s favourite holiday destination, in September 2009 – six months after her disappearance. Galloway believed that she may have received a job offer there. But nothing came of the Mediterranean search.
Two years on, Galloway said that in his professional judgment Lawrence had come to harm, adding that there’s “no sign of life”.
But in 2013 North Yorkshire Police’s new Major Crime Unit took up the case and conducted a fresh forensic search of Claudia’s home. That produced unknown fingerprints and a cigarette end, found in her car, with a man’s DNA on it.
Detective Dai Malyn subsequently arrested a 59-year-old neighbour of Claudia’s in May 2014 and his home was searched, but he was released. The same thing happened with another 59-year-old, a married man.
But are the major suspects covering for one another? In 2015 police arrested three more men – all in their 50s, divorced, two of them brothers, and the third a prosperous property developer – who were regulars at the Nag’s Head. However, a lack of evidence and witness co-operation meant that the CPS declined to prosecute. Perhaps these drinking buddies all had each other’s backs.
Adding insult to injury, Claudia’s family discovered they were unable to manage her assets because of her missing-person status, nor could they sell her house even while mortgage and other charges mounted up. The BBC also sent numerous automated demands for licence-fee payments, threatening £1,000 in fines; the corporation later apologised for the distress caused.
So, Peter campaigned for the Guardianship (Missing Persons) Bill, aka Claudia’s Law, which successfully went through Parliament in 2017, and which allows the missing person’s family to apply for guardianship of their estate after 90 days. He was awarded an OBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours for his work.
As for the investigation, in 2021 police searched Sand Hutton Gravel Pits, acting on fresh evidence. They drained one of the lakes and used ground-penetrating radar equipment and cadaver dogs – but it didn’t unearth anything.
Tragically, Peter died earlier that year still not knowing what had happened to his daughter. Joan has been left in limbo. This week she described her torture as a “life sentence”, adding: “I can’t lay flowers at Claudia’s grave because I don’t know where she is. All I want is answers.
“A lot of support out there is around bereavement, not for those living in a state of not knowing.” She said that she relied on her faith and the kindness of people who get in touch to offer their support.
Joan still blames the force. She claimed that people are trying to pass on information “and [the police] won’t listen”. She continued: “I am very cross with them because they tell so many lies.”
Conversely, Det Supt Wayne Fox, who is now supervising the case, said that they can’t provide answers because of “silence from the people who know, or may suspect, what happened to Claudia”.
Joan hasn’t entirely given up. “I am Claudia’s mum,” she stated. “Until evidence proves otherwise, I will always have hope.” She added: “Someone out there knows what happened to Claudia and I won’t leave a stone unturned to find her.”
However, is it really likely that anyone will come forward 15 years on? Is Joan right: did the police miss their chance, or even dissuade people from helping by branding Lawrence with a scarlet letter?
If Joan can persuade the council to let her use her daughter’s home for a healing, charitable purpose, that will at least be a fitting tribute – and will go some way to restoring her good name.
But nothing will heal the pain of simply not knowing: the silence that is never broken.

Not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this, however, I don't know where else to post. I am also not sure where to start so i guess ill start from the begging of my life? It kinda matters in this story anyways so.
Real quick I just want to make it clear that I am not blood related to this sister however we were both adopted by the same parents and there is a big age gap between us. I am 19(F) and she is 43(F)
PLEASE READ THIS PART IF YOU WANT TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THE STORY: When I was born, my real mother was a heavy fentanyl addict and my real father was also into drugs however I don't know what kind. I was taken away from them at around 6 months old and was placed in foster care until I was 2. I then was adopted by my great aunt and great uncle who were in their late 40s to early 50s. They loved me the best they could but by the time I was 4, my mother got sick with corticobasal ganglionic degeneration. I don't want to get too much into that sickness but long story short, it kills your brain cells and paralyzes you. Anyway, my dad started to drink and get very aggressive with me and my mom. He would slam her into the walls, the chairs, the floor, anything. Just because she couldn't stand by herself and her only way to communicate was through screaming and drooling (she drooled A LOT) fits. This understandably made him stressed out. He had a sick wife who couldn't care for herself and needed around-the-clock care and a young daughter who couldn't do anything and had a full-time job as the owner of a big company. This DOES NOT make what he did acceptable of course. I didn't get much attention from them after she got sick so I was always alone at home unless I was at school. I remember between the ages of 5-9, my mom tried to spend time with me but I didn't want to spend time with her because I was scared of her screaming fits that she had about 8+ a day (no I'm not exaggerating I promise). I hate myself for that so much. She was so kind to me and all I did was push her away. I will never forgive myself for that.
2014-2018: (I was 13) We finally got one of those caregivers for old people with health problems. She was horrible. I won't go into detail about it but I will speak about a few things. She stole my mom's car for about 2 years after she had already died (we got it back don't worry), her money, my dad's money, my great grandmother's ring, invited herself on our family vacations, and just did not care for my mom whatsoever. My dad was VERY bad at putting his foot down with anyone to the point he couldn't fire her because he didn't want to deal with it. My mom tried to tell my dad how horrible she was to her but he wouldn't believe her. This happened till the day she died. So in total about 4 years. She was in the hospital by herself for a week until she died of kidney failure.
2020: (I was 15) 2 years later, one day my dad started having pain in his hernia that he had left untreated for about 13 or so years. He does not like doctors so he refused to go to one (I do not know why but I had theories of why). About a week later he came home from work early which has been normal for him this past week and I was talking to him about something cool that had happened the day before while my back was turned. When I turned back around he was just laying in the chair he was in and I was confused at first until I started seeing white foaming stuff coming from his mouth. I then screamed and called 911. They put me on hold and switched me to multiple people at a bunch of different times. They finally got to him and took him away. He died because of a heart attack on the way to the hospital. I often blame myself because the hospital was just right outside my neighborhood and if I could have picked him up and put him in the truck, maybe I could have saved him.
I feel like I'm supposed to be mad at them and hate them but I just don't. They did their best and to be honest it just wasn't the right time to take me in. However, I appreciate everything they did for me even tho I was a brat at times. I appreciate that my mom spoiled me even tho I was rude to her and scared of her because of her sickness. I appreciate all the little things my dad did for me. I miss everything about them and I would give anything to have them back, even just for a day
THE MAIN POINT OF THIS STORY: 2020-2022: (I was 16) When my parents died I went to live with my sister. I didn't originally want to because that meant I was moving away from the place I had lived in for the past 13+ years but I didn't think it would be that bad. I was wrong. She has lied to the police about me attempting to kill myself (I have never been suicidal in my life) and physically hurt me (on rare occasions but still). She has also gaslighted me, manipulated me, and emotionally and verbally abused me. There is more but I do not want to get too much into the minor details. I had so much evidence on my old phone as to why she was a bad guardian and I couldn't live with her and I had sent it to my assigned attorney for her to help me in the situation I was in. I will admit I did have loud outbursts towards her at home when I didn't feel heard but that did not happen very often. They didn't do anything. After she got full custody, She sent me away to a treatment center in Utah called, Second Chances in Southern Utah (SCINSU). I was there for about 16 months. I went in on May 5th, 2021 and it closed down on September 9th, 2022. Here was my experience:
Not sure where to start with this one so I guess I’ll just start off with something random. The way I got there was by being gooned. It was terrifying having two big adults take you out of your bed at 3 in the morning to a strange place and not tell you anything about it. SCINSU drilled into our heads that if we don't follow the rules of SCINSU, even in the outside world, we would be deemed as unhealthy and bad people and that over all we would not succeed. When that kind of narrative is shoved down your throat for so long, being told that you won't move up in the program or go home. It starts hurting you mentally and emotionally and it makes you think that what they are saying is true. She almost never came to family therapy and never wrote me a single letter. She claimed that it was because "we talk to each other once a week for 30 minutes so there is no point". I felt so left out because of all the kids that would get about 4-6 letters throughout the week and I got, none. One family therapy I do remember was when she told me she used my money (I had 30k in my savings) to pay off her debt, another story she had was she used it for my dog and her vet bills (she has been perfectly healthy and has never had any serious issues, and now has changed the story to using it on my first 2-3 months of SCINSU. She had also told me in another one that my friends did not care about me and it sent me into this spiral for most of my stay. Oh and the fact that while I was there in my time of 16 months, over 5 male staff had been proven to be predators and grooming us because they were attracted to us minors. They took advantage of us when we were vulnerable and when she was told about everything that had happened, she didn't even bother to talk to me. The fact that when we all had to call our parents about the whole predator situation and everyone's parents wanted to talk to their kids, except for her, is so upsetting to me… she screamed at me through the phone saying “I told Ms.Kite (not her real name ofc) I specifically did not want to talk to you” and I responded with “I'm sorry-”. Then she hung up the phone. One of the times I needed her most and she couldn't be there. They said that they didn't know and didn't have a clue about anything but there had been girls and staff (the good ones obviously) warning the previous director about the behaviors and actions these predators had done and what did he choose to do? Nothing. I have no idea if the older staff had a background check or not. The newest ones however did not get background checked. Background checks were not properly done, especially with male staff so no wonder why girls were being preyed on. What doesn't make sense to me is that some staff would get fired for being too nice, getting too close to us, etc. Some of the staff that we felt safe around and that we could go to when we had an issue were fired within a week or two even got fired just for us being “too attached” to them but 25+ year old men who try to date us are okay to stay right? There were times when they overmedicated us to “fix the problem”. There were times when they didn't give us meds at all because they thought we didn't really need them, even if a doctor prescribed them. A girl had even ran away from the program and got pregnant. When she was found about 2 months later and went back to SCINSU she was given a pill and forced to take it to have a miscarriage. She found out she miscarried the following morning. She and her parents were never notified about this pill either. This is just OUTRAGEOUS to me! I just can’t believe the awful staffing they had there and all the regulations the state had made and they were not being followed yet no one said or did anything!
It ended up shutting down on September 9th, 2023. It is a long story but to make it short, the owner is a domestic abuser and abused his wife and kids.
To be honest, there is SO MUCH MORE but that is what I remember from the top of my head. Let me know if I should go into more detail about anything else I remember it in the comments!
September - October 2022: (I am 17) Once I was back in Texas, I found out she had extended custody for the rest of my life until the courts say otherwise. Mind you I AM NOT DISABLED AND I AM PERFECTLY HEALTHY besides PTSD ofc. She booked me a hotel room that I stayed in for a month while she was trying to find another treatment center for me to stay in. The silly thing is that she didn't want me to go back to the house I lived at. On the first night, I am not completely sure why but she granted me access to her laptop whenever I wanted. I used this as an opportunity to reach out to my friends to see if she really was telling me the truth about them not caring about me. I am so glad I did because what I found out was shocking. They all texted me everything that happened with photos and videos of them even driving down about 4-5 hours to my house to find me MULTIPLE TIMES!!! They even had photos and videos of their conversations with my sister and she told them nothing! I kept this secret for about a week until I decided to message one of my lawyers about something and that is when I got caught. He told her that I was sending him emails of questions about the guardianship she had over me. She got very upset and took the laptop away from me but thankfully I still had my VR headset and my Xbox that she brought from home and even the computer downstairs in the lobby that I could use to contact my friends. Now because of the Laptop situation she had hired people who work with old folks with dementia to watch me in this hotel I remember being told that I didn't match anything that my file told me and that they very much enjoyed me and I was not a horrible kid like they were told about so they pretty much just let me do whatever as long as I told them where I was going. After the laptop situation, I maybe saw her 3 or 4 times just because she had to drop off something/pick up something from the hotel room and just ignored me and did not want to have any interaction with me it was a very lonely draining 31 days... I finally got into a place and was there for 11 months. I turned 18 there but because of the extended guardianship, I was not allowed to leave and was still seen as a minor. I graduated high school there on September 15th, 2023, and left 3 days later because of some issues with my sister
September 2023: (I am 18)
We found an Independent living program in Salt Lake City, Utah and it is not that bad but it's not the best either, however, I was grateful to be out of residential treatment centers. She dropped me off here with my stuff and about 2 days later blocked me. Never gave me a reason as to why. I struggled with getting an ID and getting all my documents because she wasn't sending them (she finally did ofc). The ID was $23 and the program I am in could have helped me because they pay for things like that but because I came in with about $4.87 they said I could do it on my own. I didn't have any way to make money besides selling my MTG cards and playing my guitar in the streets until I found out I needed a permit for that. It took about 3-4 months to get the money needed for my state ID
In conclusion, Right now I am 19 and I am just trying to remember how the real world works and to be honest it is very hard but I just need to take baby steps and it will get easier over time. I have a job at Jimmy Johns now and it took 6 months to get it but I am happy to have it! Gives me something to look forward to! :) I feel like she resents me because Mom and Dad left everything to me and left her nothing. I don't know why but I feel like she probably treated them the same way she treated me and that is probably why I maybe only saw her 3 or 4 times in the first 15 years of my life until the day she took interest in me. I don't think I can ever forgive her for putting me through all that stuff for the past 3 years and to this day. As a kid, I dreamed of going to prom and other school dances with a handsome boy for as long as I could remember and having all these crazy stories from high school with all my friends, and just living like a semi-normal teenager. That will never happen now and I will never get that back. She also refuses to give me my stuff back unless I keep a job for about 3 months and pay her for everything and all these little terms and conditions. I feel like I shouldn't have to pay considering everything she has done and all the money she has stolen from me but I don't know how else I'm getting anything back so I will just have to do it. She wants me to become a ward of the state so she doesn't have to talk to me anymore or be responsible for me. This will be happening on April 1st. She believes everything she has done to me is okay and justified as well. Wish me luck guys. I'll update you all as soon as possible. <3
PS: I am sorry there might be some very vague things but it is to protect my privacy

My best friend is permanently disabled with Stage 4 early onset dementia. She’s 50. I’m helping her family navigate a divorce initiated by her husband. They’ve been married ~14 years and have a child. She has been disabled 4 years (not working) and last spring went to live with her family. He bought a house a few months after she went to stay with them. He still holds her guardianship and POA. Does she need an atty or will the court appoint a guardian ad litem? He sent the family a settlement letter and wants one of them to sign it.

Hi, i'm a nonbinary exmuslim living in Saudi Arabia and i desperately need out. I would much more prefer going to germany over the UK but if i cant find a way to germany then ill settle with the uk (its easier for me to get to) I've done a ton of research on seeking asylum in Germany and even contacted a support group there, but i do still have some concerns.
1- Guardianship system; My parents aren't gonna let me travel to a foreign country but i do know my dad's government app account password so this isnt an immediate concern.
2- Money; im not sure how i can make money currently as my parents arent allowing me to have an income. or if i even need money if i get to the country i end up in, i currently have around 800 euros. But if i need more i know a few people who are willing to help me get over the initial costs
3- Visa; a Visa to Germany would be ideal but that seems impossible to get as i would need my dad to write a letter to the embassy, a way i might be able to get to Germany is to have a transit flight from SA > Germany > UK, but that costs a lot. I asked flight nerds if i can just book 2 flights (SA > Germany; Germany > UK) they said yes but im not sure about that because i asked the support group and they said otherwise. This is the reason i have the UK as a second option because the UK is much easier to get to, all i need is just an ETA and i can fly to the country.
4- Evidence; i dont have any real tangible evidence of being persecuted becuase i havent told anyone irl about any of this. I read on the official UNHCR website that fear of persecution is enough but still...
5-Not losing my savings; i obviously dont want to lose all my money if the government decides to close my bank accounts/etc, ive looked into paypal and correct me if wrong here but i dont think i can put my money in paypal? I've put in my bank details and the button isnt there, i've compared my dashboard with a friend (eu) and they have the "add funds button" So im open to suggestions on this.
the last 5 points are the main issues. Some other things which arent as relevant: i dont know how airport procedures are (i've only travelled a couple of times to jordan, those were all 6 years ago or more)
Im scared i might mess something up or miss something
Would any transit country (jordan/turkey/other arabic/muslim countries) deport me back if the saudi government asks for me? unsure what to do
Would love some advice from yall...

(FINAL UPDATES CAN BE FOUND ON THIS ACCOUNT 😋)
as the title says, i (15f) think my brothers girlfriend (Julie, 24f) is trying to get rid of me. i live with my brother because after my parents divorced none of them wanted me so my brother took me (he was 18 i was 8). we lived alone together until a year ago, he got a girlfriend. she doesn’t live with us but she is at our apartment a lot. i don’t really like her but i already know he kind of has some resentment toward me because he had to take care of me even when my parents were still together and he couldn’t have a life cause he was always busy with me.
i think they want to get married and i’m scared about where i will go. my mom doesn’t live in the country (she went back to korea after the divorce) and my dad is busy with his new family. anyways after school i wanted to use my brothers phone to watch something. i saw a notification come up at the top and it was from my mom. i was really curious because i don’t talk to my mom like ever and i didn’t think he did either. long story short he wants to send me to live with my mom in korea because Julie wants to move in and start a family. she said that when they start their family they don’t want to be looking after a teenager aswell.
i didn’t tell him anything and just put the phone back. i went to sleep really scared and now today i went to my cousins house and told him what my brother was planning to do and he told his mom.
i didn’t do anything wrong im always nice to her i don’t know why she doesn’t like me. i really don’t want to move i have friends here and everything. i thought he loved me and wouldn’t make me go back to her.
my cousins mom ended up asking him why he was going to send me to live with my mom and he asked her how she knew. she said that i told my cousin and he told her. my brother took me back home because he didn’t want to cause a scene at my aunts house.
when we got back he asked me how i knew and i told him i saw his texts to our mom about how he was sending me away. i was really mad and i was yelling at him. he just tried to hug me and sat down on the couch with his head down, not talking. then like 10 minutes later Julie came. when she came in the living room she asked what happened and my brother said she knows. then Julie tried to talk to me and i stood up and started yelling that i don’t know why she has a problem with me but im his sister so im not leaving. i also called her some names because i was really angry.
then, to my surprise, my brother pushed my shoulder and told me to go to my room. i asked why and he yelled at me to go to my room. Julie was crying at this point. i went to my room and cried. i still think he is going to send me away. i don’t know why she doesn’t like me i didn’t do anything to her.
AITA got yelling at my brother girlfriend? i told my friends about this and they said i shouldn’t have yelled because she probably has her reasons to want me with my mother.
UPDATE ONE : so i went home to talk to my brother and i wrote a letter to give to him like some of you suggested as i didn’t think i could talk without breaking down. the letter basically says that “im sorry for yelling at you and julie, i was just scared. there are many things i don’t know about my parents and how you have felt about the last 7 (maybe even 15) years. but i do not want to go back to my mother. and i don’t want to move country.”. i gave him the letter after school and he didn’t read it infront of me. i came out of my room a few hours after giving it to him and saw him crying in the kitchen. when he saw me he hugged me and told me he was sorry and loved me and didn’t know what to do because julie wanted to move in and she didn’t want to be taking care of me because she’s only 24 and wants to live her life. julie also came over and i apologised to her properly. i’m writing this in my notes and waiting for another update to put all the info from today in one update.
so it’s been a few hours since then and he sat me down to talk again. with julie for some reason. anyway he told me that he was just exploring options because i can’t live with him forever. obviously i knew that but why doesn’t he want me now, what did i do? he also told me that he’s booked a ticket for me and him to go to korea to see my mother, her husband and house. i’m fine with that because if he’s there with me then he can’t leave me there without me knowing. but he told me he is leaving a little earlier than i am because he has work. i believe that but im also a little suspicious that he is going to leave me there and not take me back. i leave for korea in two days and im staying for two (?) weeks, he is staying for one. so that’s all i have for now is that im going to korea soon to see my mother for the first time in 7 years. i don’t feel happy or sad i just feel nothing. i feel like i wanna die.
and here’s some clarification because people keep asking the same questions. * i can’t stay with my aunt as she has 4 kids already and can’t take care of me. * i believe my brother has guardianship of me but i do not know because he doesn’t tell me anything. * julie has done many things to me along with the leaving me at school thing, she’s fatshamed me, made fun of me, is always trying to get me out of the house and always ignores me whenever my brother tries to get us to hang out together. * when julie was trying to talk to me after i found out, she was saying things like “please try to understand” and “it’s what we think is best for your and our futures” and “your brother and i want to move forward and i don’t think we can do it with you.” (they’ve only been dating for a year and she’s saying all this but whatever.) * i know my parents both send money to my brother to help with me but i do not know if it is formal child support. * i don’t have any friends to stay with. * if my brother didn’t take me in i would have either gone into a foster home or my mother would have taken care of me, although she didn’t want to, which is why she wasn’t the first choice for who would take me. * my father is in another state with his new wife and family. * i am half japanese and half korean do going to korea would be hard for me, considering the history. i also have a japanese name so its not like i could hide it. * i barely speak korean, and moving would mess up my whole education. i’m smart in english, not in korean.
if you have anymore questions just ask. i’m going to talk to my school counsellor soon but it might not be before i leave. i still really love my brother and i don’t want him to go to jail or go no contact with him.
UPDATE 2 :
hi again. it’s been a few days since my last update and i hope i didn’t worry anyone too much. on friday last week i, against what many people advised, got on the plane to korea. i don’t know if it was because i was too scared to ask for help or speak up, or because i had a large amount of trust in my brother.
we arrived on saturday in jeju, a korean island, which is where my mom lives, and met her, her husband and her stepson. her husband is nice and so is my stepbrother. i talked to my mother about everything. it’s a long story but after my parents divorce she wanted to keep me, but my father told her that taking me to korea and away from him would be a big mistake and she felt scared to go against him. i don’t know why he would say that and then abandon me aswell. i didn’t know this but my dad was kind of abusive, not physically though.
the reason there was conversation of me going to korea was because, obviously, what my brother and julie thought, but also because my mother wanted to see me again. she wanted me to have a place in her family and she wanted my life to be like a normal 15 year olds, with a parent and a brother who acts like a brother.
the ticket is a return ticket but honestly i don’t know if i want to go back to the usa. i don’t want to be where im not wanted, aka my house if julie moves in. i go to a korean language class everyday so i can improve my korean if i decide to go to school here. and i think i might. my moms husband says he will tutor me and they talked to the school and they said they would adjust some things so i can fit into the school nicely and take exams.
my stepbrother helps me with my korean homework and we go to the beach together even though he barely speaks english and i barely speak korean. jeju is nice but they live in a small town so i barely get wifi, which is part of the reason it has taken so long for me to update. my brother is still here with me but is leaving on friday. his plan now is to come back to korea to take me back to america so that i know he isn’t leaving me here. his plan changed because i told him i was scared he was going to abandon me too. i told him this on the flight and he got a bit emotional again and told me he would never do that.
i want to thank everyone for all the suggestions and advice but i would rather be here than emancipated or even in america. i don’t want to be reminded of my brother if i don’t get to stay with him. as for julie, i haven’t spoken to her since i apologised. i don’t care what she does anymore.
the sad thing is i could’ve stayed in america if i fought hard enough but im just so tired. im tired of feeling like this and im tired of no one wanting me. i wish i was better then maybe they would have kept me. i wish my brother never did this, i don’t know why he is abandoning me like this.
anyways, learning korean is easier than i thought, and staying here is quite fun honestly, i just wish the circumstances weren’t my brother not wanting me anymore. i’m sorry to everyone that i disappointed by not being strong enough to stand my ground and stay in the usa, but i believe that if i stayed it would have just gotten worse. lots of people said that i should show that i can help a lot with the baby, and i could, but if one day im too tired or just don’t want to help, they could just send me right back to korea. why would i want to live my life pandering to people who didn’t want me in the first place. im clearly very disposable to them.
this wont be my last update, my last one will probably be telling you all if i do stay in korea. i just want to say once more thank you all for your help.
also idk if julie is pregnant. and please stop saying that i should give them alone time to bang, i don’t want to think about that ever 🙏. BYE ✌️