I am taking citalopram and xanax

I am 25F I take gabapentin, Lunesta, and dextroamphetamine from my doctor. I occasionally smoke weed and drink I do, however, have a really bad vaping addiction and occasionally use Xanax to. I take a multivitamin every day, magnesium vitamin A vitamin B12 vitamin C. Over the last 4 to 5 months my health just hasn’t felt exactly right. I have passed out at work and they gave me a heart monitor. It’s been three months and haven’t got results. I also have gotten so much blood work done and they always say my results are great. I haven’t had a period in 3 months. I do not take birth control. I did take birth control for a week. I wonder if it could’ve really messed my system up that much. Shakiness, waking up with numb hands, white coated tongue, low energy. All of these symptoms aren’t constant. They come and go. Im just getting over being sick I had a fever, and sore throat, no cough, and extreme tiredness, I brushed my teeth and was trying to get all the flem out and this is what came out. I kind of dissected it just to see what the red looks like in there. It does look a little bloody, is it normal for phlegm to be that big and look like that? https://ibb.co/Jcvq4RW https://ibb.co/nby9737 https://ibb.co/6RK8kBn

Had this cRaZy idea at the path station going home... shit maybe I don't have to pep talk myself... *all* by myself and work it out in my own head. Maybe I don't have to look for Reddit "articles" that fit my situation, maybe it's time to make my own post. Maybe everything doesn't have to be confined to the walls of my journals.
Disclaimer: obviously, I'm not asking for anyone to fix my problem for me. I'm fully aware that it has to come from *within*. But some advice, especially in overcoming shared experiences, would be very helpful at this point. And yes yes yes I know it sounds like I'm taking open mics waaayyy too seriously. I know I am. I know I'm good at overthinking and I know it's what I'm doing now. Open mics are supposed to be scary-fun but when it comes to the actual moment's reality, I just make it scary. I'm on the verge of seeking performance anxiety therapy. Otherwise extremely frustrated with myself.
It's worth noting that I (24f) struggled with crippling, mute-level social anxiety since ... birth?..as a child. Which in many situations cannot be noticed now, but it's definitely evolved into selective mutism. Anyway, I'm a musician, I've been a melodic lyricist since I was a little kid, started teaching myself guitar when I was a young teenager. In high school and early college, I had a really goofy phobia of playing in front of people -- even if it was just pals bein pals (I'm definitely over that much now). Years go by, I stuck with music even though I was forced into college by external/societal forces and financial aid. Transferred to community school after one year, and eventually dropped out with an associate's when I was past the age of a bachelors....When I realized that working part time to pay towards school and personal wants (many of them music-related), and schooling part time not knowing a damn thing about what my true calling was besides music, was making me miserable. Days of silent treatment from my ma didn't stop me (never should, I realized).
So here I am, two years later. Working on an album with many trials and tribulations, but I'm embracing the journey. Yet the one thing that's been urking me is the fact that I just haven't played live, even if that means practicing doing it (it's next-level terrifying). I've also moved to Jersey City since dropping out of college, and it (/NYC) is literally the Land of Opportunity when it comes to open mics. When I was still living with my mom (in Bumblefuck, NJ -- I live with my dad now here in JC), I played *one* open mic a year and a half ago in Montclair -- a good hour or so away from where I was living then -- and absolutely bombed it. I let external input dictate my "setlist" way too much; I wasn't well prepared; my voice shook throughout the performance; the mic wasn't even a decent distance from my mouth, but I neglected the setup process altogether. Hell, I didn't even bring my guitar in its case because I was afraid of even the most subtle shit fucking up the tuning. Total fight-or-flight mode; just wanted to be off the stage asap. Why I even followed through with the sign-up, shit. You'd just have to ask 22-yo Morgan. I don't know. In a weird way, she had balls that I don't have now.
But because of that experience, I've learned soo much about preparation and putting *personal* intention behind selecting covers and originals. And the kind of stuff to select for a usually-acoustic setting. After being fickle with my choices far too long, I allowed myself to divert some of my attention from recording/Garageband producing, and finally assembled a setlist over time that I feel works for me. Practiced the hell out of it. Maybe too much, at least the first cover and original that I picked before #3 (a cover and a good choice that I heard at work one day). My psychiatrist also recently prescribed me blood-pressure-lowering medication that I take about 45 minutes beforehand to avoid palpitations interfering with my performance (like the first one in Montclair).
So once I felt like I had all the songs down, I decided it's time to fuckin finally sign up. So I did (via Instagram) just less than a week before, for a bar with weekly Monday open mics. It was a NY venue ... I took the path train, then the subway, then I made the short walk. The place itself suddenly freaked me out. Like the Google Images page, the pictures of the venue were suddenly real. My pussy ass walked passed it like I was going somewhere else (when you're a tiny, forgetfully-"unarmed" female in NYC, ALWAYS look like you know where you're going). Made the street-grid in my head when I was walking past it since I was early enough to psych myself out; I thought I'd just walk a few blocks and come back. Started to come back.... no. Turned around; waste of metro money to say the least.
The night that followed and the day after, I hated myself so much for doing that. I DMed the same person on Instagram asking to sign up for the following week. Throughout the week leading up to it, I handwrote myself a literal 8-page pep-talk journal entry (all with very good points to combat the feelings and apprehensive thoughts). I thought that the self-disappointment and regret would be enough of a motivator for the next one. But this past Monday (a week later)? Same shit. Repeated cycle. Decided I'd play at a different one I knew of the following night (which was last night/Tuesday, who also has them weekly) -- signups were at the door, and the time limit was only 7 minutes, so I'd only play two songs that were very simple, one original and one cover, and it'd be over before I knew it. I got there pretty early (another New York venue) -- I was the first one there. The doors hadn't even opened; host walked past me asking me if I was there for the open mic, I said yeah, he said that the doors were opening in about 15 minutes, I said okay cool. Nerves started creeping up a little bit. But my feet stayed planted to the pavement. I was feeling like, yeah, this is really happening. More performers started arriving -- some of them were nice, some of them made me even more nervous and uncomfortable in short, but either way most of them seemed like they were at least a little self-assured (the comics very playful; one of them even had a special coming up), and knew someone else there waiting for the doors to open. The more people that showed up, the more scared I got. But networking with the others just confirmed all the more that I was going to play. I started to get that fight-or-flight response; the fear was growing... then the doors opened. I stood in line, I was talking to people a little; I probably didn't seem very scared on the surface but I sure was. At this venue they make you pay to perform, so when it came to be my turn in line, I thought of a quick out -- "is there an ATM?" When I heard there was one down the block (even though they also take card or Venmo), I turned around and DIPPED.
Here I am today, feeling shittier than ever about this. How it could've even ended up being fun, could've opened doors to more opportunities, connections, and maybe friends. I have other scattered open mics planned besides the other two weekly venues I mentioned, one I'm thinking to do Friday outside the city (somehow being in a different area where I can be sure no one knows me or will, to start out / warm up before I start going more locally, makes me feel better). Here I am again thinking that this feeling will be motivation enough, thinking "next time / Friday will truly be the one [if I can switch shifts at work]". But there's another voice that asks myself, how can I be so self-assured about that at this point, when I've recently felt this way two times before, and it resulted in the same outcome?
Messing up is part of the process, and yeah it's scary, especially thinking about nerves affecting my playing and vocals, but here is where it comes back to the social anxiety -- that fear of being perceived is 10x scarier. Performance anxiety to a socially anxious person, is voluntarily skydiving to a person who needs a Xanax to be on an airplane, especially when it's so personal and passionate; different than a forced presentation in front of a class (which I also always used to get nervous for). And when I ask myself, "can a performer and this level of anxiety actually coexist? Am I even meant for this?" ... I think about something that somebody sent me about Jerry Garcia (for those who don't know, deceased Grateful Dead lead guitarist/vocalist/lyricist) -- how Bob Weir (bandmate) thinks the drugs that killed him were to deal with this level of performance anxiety that was too much to fit inside of a human body. Meanwhile, the audience loved him, whether they were in another world on psychs or not. The same person who sent that Jerry Garcia thing to me, I respect a lot as a performer and overall musician. He circumstantially is set up through family, though, to always be playing with other people and having gigs. He told me a story about how he found an open mic he was going to do *alone*, drove there, sat in the lot, and turned around to drive home (even with all his performing experience). Performing alone is scary in general. I know I'm not the first person to do this and not the last, probably. But doing that three times in a row? I really want to start doing regular open mics so badly, but it's as if this fear just possesses my insides when it comes time to actually do it. The other frustrating aspect to it is that another part of me is as brave as I've been weak-minded.
I also know that the rather simple answer, in essence, is just getting up there and actually fucking doing it. But I'm wondering if there is anyone here who has had this experience, and what you did to overcome it; what made you really play that first time after those cold-feet "outtakes". And even if you didn't really do the cold-feet thing in the past, any advice or perspective or support in this community would be much appreciated. And do you think I could go back to those same venues without being looked down on or cringed at (if they remember me)? If you even read it this far, I also really appreciate that to begin with. I'm also very open to criticism and tough love, but please keep it cordial and kind.

I just had a minor procedure done (awake tumescent lipo with no anesthesia meds, if it matters). I was fully awake and having intelligent conversation with the nurse and doctor. I was given Xanax and oxycodone before the procedure, about 4 hours ago, and I have a very high tolerance to lidocaine for unrelated reasons. I used a medical transport service who cannot sign discharge documents so I willingly sighted out AMA. I just want to go home and hang out with my dog and rest, in my own bed. They said of I sign out AMA and leave with this driver (from a reputable medical transportation service who they already sent home once because the company won't let him sign papers saying he's taking me home). I'm more than capable of signing for myself and understanding my discharge instructions. I'll have someone at home about the time I get home, may e a bit later. I happily sign a hold harmless (or whatever it's called) agreement and am happy to not sue since this is my choice that I am of sound mind to make. They said they are going to call the police on me. Can they even do this? I'm in Washington State. But it's seems I should have the right to sign myself out, my discharge papers, and an "I won't sure you" agreement. Trust me, I'm lucid. I've never heard of doctors calling the cops on people like this! I had an awake surgical procedue last week (with lidocaine, benzos, and toradal) and I was allowed to Uber home. I didn't even need special transportation like I apparently so now. Can they really call the cops on me for this?

Hi!
I’ve been on antidepressants for almost 10 years now. I’ve tried Fluoxetine (made me very drowsy, but that was a long time ago) Citalopram (increased my hunger insanely) and Sertraline which I’ve had the most success with and been on for the longest.
Currently I’m on max dose at 200mg and have been for a few months now. It isn’t making me feel good, to be honest. I have this constant heavy feeling like I’m filled with rocks and I don’t feel happy at all. I’m just numb and tired.
I’ve decided to try to taper down a little. I’ve started taking 150mg instead since Monday and am planning on doing this for maybe 3 or 4 weeks. Today I had a very bad day at work and ended up crying a little. My irritability has increased. I know it’s only been a couple of days but does anyone know if this is a safe way to taper and how long the withdrawal effects might last?
Some context also; I started taking contraceptive pill Slynd a couple months ago and I also am prescribed Propranolol for use when I feel particularly anxious.

Hey all. So, I recently discovered something that I feel NEEDS to be shared with this group.
TLDR: Allergies and allergic reactions cause big spikes in histamine which in turn can cause anxiety and panic attacks.
I’ve struggled with depression and general anxiety all of my life (37f). It’s more so in seasonal waves, with some times of the year being nonexistent and other times it is brutal. I’ve also struggled with moderate, daily allergies my entire life, but they turn severe during peak spring and fall.
About 5-6 weeks ago, when my spring allergies were at their worst, I started noticing a little flare up of general anxiety; not panic attacks, but just being on edge most of the day.
Over three weeks ago, I was bit by a lone star tick right before my partner and I went on a weekend getaway. Now, I do not react to bug bites well. I get enormous welts from anything that bites me (mosquitos, spiders, ticks, etc) and tend to have a bit of an allergic reaction. I definitely react much worse than anyone I know.
So, this tick bit me two days before we left for our trip and as this tick bite gets worse in the following days (more and more histamine), my anxiety gets worse and worse. During our entire trip, I was taking Xanax all day and night bc I was borderline having panic attacks. Well, on our last night, and I’m having a large allergic reaction on my back (but not anaphylactic shock), I end up spiraling and have a full blown panic attack where my partner needed to call 911, EMS responded, and I debate whether to go to the hospital because this was going on for well over an hour. Finally, my big dose of Xanax kicks in.
In the following days, while this tick bite continues to affect my entire back, my anxiety was at an all time high; near panic attack status all day and night. I ended up getting back on Zoloft, I was still taking Xanax everyday, and I was calling into work. It was the worst few weeks I’ve ever had.
But! As my tick bite starts to calm down in the following days via rx steroid cream and multiple allergy pills, so does my anxiety. I stopped Zoloft after ten days, my tick bite is most cleared up, and I have zero anxiety. So, basically, as my allergic reaction calmed down and my histamine levels balanced out, my anxiety disappeared.
Anyways, I’m not saying this is everyone else’s problems with panic disorder. But I am saying, if you suffer from moderate to severe allergies and are struggling with anxiety issues, I highly recommend looking into the association of elevated histamine or histamine intolerance and how it’s associated with anxiety and panic attacks. There are several articles online and some stuff you can do to lower your histamine levels. Link below.
I hope this helps someone struggling. This community was incredibly helpful when I was going through the worst few weeks of my life with my panic attacks.

Hi everyone, Apologies for my english, not my mother tongue. I am a bit over a month AF. Longest streak in a very long time. Not sure yet if I want to quit completely, but I do want to maintain the streak for the foreseeable future. I am on Sipralex for my anxiety disorder / depression, and occasionally Xanax / Stilnox when things are not manageable. The plan is at least to stay off the booze while I am on meds, knowing that this could be several months / years. Anyway, a friend of mine is celebrating his birthday and has rented a very nice house in the middle of the forest by a lake. There will be fishing, partying, and a lot of drinking involved. Everybody in this group knows me as the happy drinking dude. I think they would understand why I am taking a long break, but it just feels so tiring to explain yet another time... Any tips on how to deal with this situation without being the buzz killer ? I am not too anxious about the days, I plan on hiking. But evenings and nights... Not used to go through this without a few drinks. Thanks a lot for your help !

Hi guys, is it true that Citalopram or SSRIs in general cause weight gain.
I was on 40mgs of Citalopram for over 5 months and gained approximately 28lbs or 2 Stone since Christmas, I feel really bloated and out of breath allot, this is the heaviest I have ever been, none of my cloths fit me, I went from a 32 waist to a 40 waist which is not OK and it's really affecting me mentally and physically.
The weight is mostly all in my tummy area and my belly looks really round a bloated and I feel really sluggish, the reason I mention this is I seen allot of people here mentioning it.
I must also mention that I take Mirtazapine at night which promotes Appetite and usually eat at night time, because my awful anxiety I am not very active so stationary most of the time.

Ні, originally posted in the citalopram community but felt it also fits here.
Around two weeks ago my (17male) doctor prescribed me citalopram for me currently having depression. However since the doctor prescribed me it, I have had trouble with my sleeping
My first issue is that I am sleeping LOTS. I have begun sleeping over 12hours per day, that has only became an issue in the past week however, I am assuming it's related to the medication.
My next issue is that the dreams I'm having when I am going to sleep are horrible, For example last night I had a dream where I was running around a high school, ran into a cupboard and somehow ended up in a room that was fully white, with a door (like bright white all round) the room leads to other rooms which are exactly the same as it, theres about 3 rooms identical that follow, the last room has a lift, the only place that feels safe? this dream has been recurring, sometimes there are things chasing me in my sleep, there is a few other dreams that are recurring however, they are not as relevant as the school corridor leading into the white rooms dream.
I don't know if this dream has any importance or anyone else taking the medication has experienced anything similar, if you have let me know as it's honestly making me not want to sleep but i'm struggling to stay awake...
Thank you for reading!!!

Ні, I originally posted this in citalopram community but felt it would also fit here
Around two weeks ago my (17male) doctor prescribed me citalopram for me currently having depression. However since the doctor prescribed me it, I have had trouble with my sleeping My first issue is that I am sleeping LOTS. I have begun sleeping over 12hours per day, that has only became an issue in the past week however, I am assuming it's related to the medication.
Dream issue - going into detail in the paragraph so don't need to read if you cant be bothered with details
My next issue is that the dreams I'm having when I am going to sleep are horrible, For example last night I had a dream where I was running around a high school, ran into a cupboard and somehow ended up in a room that was fully white, with a door (like bright white all round) the room leads to other rooms which are exactly the same as it, theres about 3 rooms identical that follow, the last room has a lift, the only place that feels safe? this dream has been recurring, sometimes there are things chasing me in my sleep, there is a few other dreams that are recurring however, they are not as relevant as the school corridor leading into the white rooms dream.
I don't know if this dream has any importance or anyone else taking the medication has experienced anything similar, if you have let me know as it's honestly making me not want to sleep but i'm struggling to stay awake...
Thank you for reading!!!

Hi,
Around two weeks ago my(17male) doctor prescribed me citalopram for me currently having depression. However since the doctor prescribed me it, I have had trouble with my sleeping
My first issue is that I am sleeping LOTS. I have begun sleeping over 12hours per day, that has only became an issue in the past week however, I am assuming it’s related to the medication.
Dream issue - going into detail in the paragraph so don’t need to read if you cant be bothered with details
My next issue is that the dreams I’m having when I am going to sleep are horrible, For example last night I had a dream where I was running around a high school, ran into a cupboard and somehow ended up in a room that was fully white, with a door (like bright white all round) the room leads to other rooms which are exactly the same as it, theres about 3 rooms identical that follow, the last room has a lift, the only place that feels safe? this dream has been recurring, sometimes there are things chasing me in my sleep, there is a few other dreams that are recurring however, they are not as relevant as the school corridor leading into the white rooms dream.
I don’t know if this dream has any importance or anyone else taking the medication has experienced anything similar, if you have let me know as it’s honestly making me not want to sleep but i’m struggling to stay awake…
Thank you for reading!!!

My best friend is in the process of finding a working depression and anxiety medication and has recently moved and started with a new doctor. The doctor initially put her on Escitalopram, getting up to 40mg/day. My friend also has had ADHD since childhood and takes Adderall. She reported to her doctor that during the second half of her menstrual cycle, she experiences worsening mental health symptoms and her stimulant doesn’t feel as effective. She requested to up the stimulant dosage slightly during this part of the month. The doctor declined and instead offered her 10mg of Citalopram to add to the 40mg of daily Escitalopram for ten days leading up to her menstrual period.
She mentioned to me that while taking both, she feels slightly better mentally and emotionally but has an over abundance of energy and creativity along with inability to sleep even if she is physically exhausted. Then when she does sleep, she says she feels like she is never fully asleep. She has not had any changes in behavior other than being more active and productive at those times, but while feeling incredibly fatigued and mentally overstimulated. Then after stopping the Citalopram when her period arrives, she goes back to feeling a more minor insomnia, fatigue, and still not so much improvement on the depression symptoms.
I told her that my understanding is that the Escitalopram dosage is potentially dangerous at that dose on its own in terms of QT prolongation and serotonin syndrome. I also said that I found it odd that her provider would add the Citalopram on top of that high of a dosage. I also couldn’t really find anything supporting combining those two medications.
My questions are: Is this something that is indicated in some cases? Is this as dangerous as Google makes it sound? And is this something worth encouraging her to change providers over? Does she need to be concerned that this may be mild mania?
This doesn’t seem like a competent provider to me as a layman but I also am reticent to encourage her to switch providers after requesting and being denied a higher stimulant dosage, as I don’t know how that would look to a future provider. She has an appointment with the provider next Tuesday and will be discussing these issues, but I wanted to get a general idea of the safety of this as she is currently taking both the remainder of the time till her appointment.
Details: Female, 35, 160lb, 5’2 ADHD, GAD, major depression, PTSD Family history of schizophrenia (parent) Medications: Escitalopram 40mg/day Citalopram 10mg daily for 10 days prior to menstrual period Adderall 15mg ER 1/day

Sorry for the long post. I’m just so down. Here’s tonight’s rollar coaster ride😞
I own my home, my bf does not have any ownership/isn’t on the deed. I put down a significant down payment in order to keep my mortgage at a reasonable monthly rate. My bf pays a little under half the mortgage as his rent (he would be paying double if renting an apartment, I’ll keep it at that) and groceries (he has kids, I don’t and he controls when he does the shopping and how much he spends). I pay utilities and pretty much all of the other expenses: exterminator, dogs-vet, groomers, doggy daycare, pet insurance), cable/internet, landscaping, literally everything else. It’s beyond unfair, but it is what it is. But my point here is I’m stuck with all the costs you can’t control. Utilities you can to some extent by being efficient and smart about them, none of which he is because it’s not coming out of his pocket.
Over the winter the gas bill alone was astronomical. Between December and April I paid close to $3k JUST FOR GAS. Anyway, I had central air installed when I bought the place and my one request is that because I pay ALL utilities that I am the only one who controls the thermostat. I’m beyond reasonable with it, but my abusive bf abuses the heat and AC which is why I continuously ask him to please not touch. If he didn’t abuse the system then I’d have no issues (or if he offered to chip in a few extra bucks, but he doesn’t).
May is that one month around here where the utility bills are low because the heat and AC don’t need to be on. I came home from the gym tonight and the AC was on… not just on, it was blasting. I even made a comment before I left (when the AC was OFF) that it was cold inside. I go upstairs and he had the thermostat set to 67… it was cooler outside than that!!! I spoke up because I do not have the funds to spare by turning the AC on this early in the season when it’s not even hot yet. His response? Buckle up everyone…

• Him: THIS CLEARLY ISNT WORKING OUT. YOU ALWAYS FLIP OUT ON ME WHEN MY KIDS ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU HATE THEM. THIS JUST ISNT WORKING OUT begin silent treatment … let me also add in that during all of this he and his kids are enjoying my cable, wifi, and electricity all on MY dime.
• Me: this has nothing to do with your kids. You know I was hit hard with utilities over the winter and need a break from all these bills. There’s no need to turn the AC on right now, it’s cool outside. I’d have no problem with you adjusting the temperature if you contributed toward utilities a little. (Idk what this had to do with his kids. I forgot they were even here)
• Him: silent
• Me: ok, well I’m going upstairs to fold our laundry (including his).
• Him: silent
• Me: ☹️😞☹️😞 (in private of course)

I had to take a Xanax. I dread waking up tomorrow and getting the silent treatment all day. If you made it this far, thank you. Also, if you made it this far can you please tell me if it’s me? Am I in the wrong? I don’t even know which end is up anymore

I just created this account recently mostly for this sub. I wanted the activity separate from my regular interests.
I've been a heavy drinker for a long time, mostly for fun, and I'd quit for some weeks or months (even years, back in the 90s) and seemed to be drinking a reasonable, if not really healthy, amount.
Then, in February of this year, my husband died of suicide. He'd been depressed and anxious, we'd talk about it, but mostly he hid the depth of his situation and went downhill fast. He did not have a long history of mental health issues. I believe his suicidal ideation and plan really kicked into gear just 3-4 weeks before he did it. We have a wonderful kid who is 15.
At first the trauma made me not interested in drinking, like I wanted to be alert and aware, as if I were in danger. I am still not interested in eating. I soon returned to drinking wine every night, not mindfully, not measuring how much, just basically drowning my sorrows. Now it's like the only thing I sort of look forward to. I'm never happy, but at night when I have that first glass of wine it definitely takes the edge off. I know that the big picture is that it's making everything worse. I'm doing all the other things I can - therapy, support groups, staying busy with work and classes, exercise is bare minimum compared to my old workouts but regular. I'm worried about my health and I need to be here for my kid.
I went to AA with a friend and, I'm sorry, I hated it. It seems to be working for my friend though. But I wanted to drink even more after that meeting. The people I talked to were wonderful. It's just the jargon, the rituals, the repeating your name and description as an addict every time you spoke - it was weird and cultish and I don't think it's the only way.
I have Naltrexone I ordered online. I could start there I guess. I am on Wellbutrin and have Propanolol and also Xanax, which I got after having a panic attack but don't use much. I don't want to add an addiction to benzos to my troubles. I don't know what to ask for here. I'm such a wreck.

I have severe carbon cutting anxiety. Every time I have to do this work for a customer I feel like I need a Xanax. I’m just so scared of totally ruining someones day with a trashed fork and having the shop have to cover such damages. Don’t even get me started about integrated seatpost. I’ve always cut with the park saw guide and the park tools tungsten carbon blade. My problem is also I can’t seem to ever get a perfectly level cut that also doesn’t require a ton of sanding and cleanup after. The park carbon blade seems to take forever to use to as it seems like it grinds more than it cuts. I always put downward pressure on the forward stroke and let up when I pull the saw back, and I flip the steerer over to cut from the other side about 2/3rds through the cut. I’ve yet to actually crack or cause severe delamination to the end of a cut, but the job is just so nerve wracking and tedious. Should I try using a high tpi blade instead of the tungsten carbide grit? Am I just doing it wrong? Everyone online seems to describe this job as easy and videos of it look effortless but it just doesn’t feel that way.

Freshman year of Highschool I had made a lot of friends. I was in ROTC,marching band and symphonic band. This was the only year of high school I had a decent experience. Sophomore year majority of the friends I had made freshman year were taking advanced AP and Honors classes. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life so I just continued to take regular classes. I became friends with the wrong group of kids. These kids convinced me to start smoking weed and start skipping school. I was never doing my schoolwork so after my sophomore year I had to retake all of my core classes that summer because I had failed every single core class. I had failed so many classes I wasn’t even able to retake them all in that summer and I ended up having to retake some of the classes first semester of junior year. Junior year it got worse. I started skipping school more frequently I was smoking weed and doing edibles I even tried Xanax and opioids at some point. I was constantly getting in school suspension and detention.
I had quit both marching band and ROTC by my Junior year. I became very depressed due to bullying and hopelessness. Started hurting myself and had to go to a mental hospital. By senior year I am actually doing a lot better. For the first time in Highschool I got a 4.0 GPA and I am no longer depressed. However I am in an online high school program my graduation is this month and honestly I don’t even feel proud about it.
I didn’t have a real high school experience. I never went to any homecoming dance. I wasn’t able to go to prom as I had been suspended too many times and my grades were too low. I wasn’t able to go to prom my senior year because the online Highschool program I am in doesn’t offer a prom. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life during Highschool so I never joined any sort of career related clubs. I did have friends during Highschool but these were the same people that convinced me to start doing drugs and skip school which only added to my bad mental health. It’s obvious those friends didn’t care a bit about me. The few good friends I did have ghosted me.
It just sucks seeing all the people I used to go to high school with posting their senior year experience. They go on field trips, go to proms, volunteer work, award ceremonies,etc. I wasn’t able to do any of that because I decided to go to an online Highschool my senior year. I mean my mental health and grades are better now but I sacrificed my social life for this so was it really worth it?
I just wish I would’ve been a better student during Highschool. I wish I wouldn’t have ever done drugs or smoked weed. I wish I would’ve actually tried in my classes. I wish I would’ve taken harder classes so I could’ve gone to my dream school. I wish I would’ve had more extracurricular activities. I wish I would’ve participated in more events at school. I just wish I could redo Highschool to make it more memorable.
If I have kids one day and they ask about my high school experience what am I going to tell them? I was a failing stoner. I just get sad thinking about Highschool I had so many opportunities to do better during high school but I didn’t.

I had psychosis a number of times from just smoking weed (and still did it again to escape my weekends where I felt severely depressed). I find comfort in the fact that I wasn’t alone experiencing such distress. I was on antidepressants during my time smoking weed so that was definitely not smart. It would take me 2 hits to become absolutely knocked out to the point that I couldn’t move and very vividly feel gravity push me to the ground wherever I was laying. Fortunately, antipsychotics helped me get out of it but it wasn’t fun. I have always had a paranoid mind and it annoys me as someone who is super hard working and ambitious. When I started masturbating with 6 I thought everybody knew I did it and thought wrongly of me. I tend to imagine my highest potential self being able to solve things I cannot solve in the moment when I do assignments. I also tend to often think people I know are following me to eavesdrop and catch me out on the things I say, or magically attach devices that can remotely listen to me. I stress myself out a lot and have medically untreated anxiety which sucks because I refuse taking Xanax or any of the other highly potent and addictive medical treatments that slow me from my cognitively demanding career. I also tend to constantly think about what other people are thinking about me which becomes draining and exhausting. I got put back on antipsychotics as my stress tended to return the “depersonalization” and disconnected feeling. It makes me so sad I want to cry. But I can’t. I feel more normal than I did when I had psychosis but it seems to have been unlocked in some sort of way whenever I get too stressed out or when I react to a little less sleep. I don’t know what to do. My psychiatrist I don’t see regularly enough to be able to voice my concerns with all of these other problems I am facing (anxiety, ADD). I am unable to take Ritalin or any meds to treat the anxiety and ADD matter because I won’t be able to perform. I react very sensitively to drugs so even 2.5mg of Olanzapine makes me slow.
My friends are smart and I often times feel like the imposter. I feel lost and overthink everything they do. My depression doesn’t help with getting myself to do more things to take care of my mental health. I go to therapy enough but I don’t feel like I’m making enough progress to get myself out of this hole that smoking weed caused. If anything it made me turn to other drugs to start feeling at least something. I tend to get hit on by girls and am seen as smart but I can see neither of those things. Instead I find I’m constantly trying to prove myself to the world that I am convinced views me so condescendingly.
I’m only 21 and I feel like weed unlocked the recidivism of a feeling I will never be able to escape. If anyone has a way to get out of this please message me.

I have an almost 14 year old boston terrier. He is most definitely reactive. He has a whole host of other issues as well. He has suspected sundowners as he gets very agitated and barks in the evening, worse than the day. He also has general anxiety. He also has atypical cushings. He recently had cervical surgery for a herniated disk. That is important because he started trazadone during the pre and post surgery. Prior to his disc issues he was taking: 100mg gabapentin as needed for pain or as a sedative 0.5 mg of Xanax as needed (usually evening) 15mg Selegiline every day Mitotane one day a week for cushings melatonin and lignans every day for cushings
Pre and post surgery he was on a heck ton of pain meds and other things. They added the trazadone to keep him calm. Now that he is mostly pain free he is not on the pain meds. We brought up with primary what we can do to keep him calm since he can't have as much activity out of risk of re-injury. They suggested adding Prozac. Their current recommendation is to do: Prozac 10mg once a day Selegiline 15mg once a day Xanax 0.5 mg every 6-8 hours
They also said I could give trazodone on a situational basis. The idea of Selegilline and Prozac together is concerning? I've read that is not a good combo? But maybe it's okay? He would also continue the meds for cushings. I hear of serotonin syndrome and I don't know how common it is. I have been hesitant to start the Prozac because Trazadone has seemed to work the best but I know it may not be the best long term. BUT, he is almost 14 and he has never shown his age as much as he has the last few months. I've heard Prozac can take a long time to work and can make things worse before they get better. We've been through hell the past few months and I am scared of a long loading period or making anything worse.
Because of his reactivity and risk of injury we don't go for "normal walks". I have a treadmill that we walk on. I have a fenced in yard for going potty and roaming around. We just have to be careful for neighbor dogs making noise and or bunnies/squirrels. He can't play with most toys because he gets aggressive with them. What I have done is kongs and other puzzle toys with peanut butter and treats but he gets them all so quickly and just barks and barks. I can't give unlimited pb and treats!
Does anyone have experience with this medication combos?
I’ve posed the question of its time multiple times to multiple different doctors lately and none think we are there yet. The thoughts have been creeping more and more though. The main concern is the combination of drugs and the safety to see if they help.

Hii, I have been playing torn for over three years and last few months I kinda lost motivation to open torn several times a day and play it. Any advice from older players?
I often travel somewhere in the morning and completely forget only to realise at night. So I am able to only take one xanax a day. Sometimes I even forget refills. Or to rehab. So how to get back into it, remember it and make playing torn fun for me again?

what are your experiences?
I take citalopram around half a year now and overall am grateful. not saying the start was not hard, but it mostly has made a positive difference in my life and I feel I get my old life back, picked up old hobbies, am more able to be in crowded spaces, was slowly able to build some routines. my OCD did not recide, but is less powerful, I have less symptoms of anxiety on the physical side of things.
I still feel as if things still are slowly get better, so I am hopeful the slow but steady rise will continue. I am aware that it is a medication that might rob my body of certain nutrients, so I try to eat healthy sometimes lol. In the end it is a compromise. I am a bit scared of it stopping to work after some years or me getting off it and experiencing withdrawal. I might lower my dose at some point, but want to stay on it as long as possible. As I said, for me it is a compromise. I do not experience what others described of not feeling like themselves.
as a side note I am neurodivergent so it is a reality for me to live with some neurological differences due to brain development difference, so I am mostly referring to anxiety, OCD, depression, outlook.
I wonder how the experience and thought processes is for others that take it some months.

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Hello everybody!
This is my cautionary tale and potential advice!
As you are probably aware, women on the spectrum are more likely to have eating disorders. Moreover we are more likely to not get sufficient or direct instructions from our doctors regarding our medical care. Below is my story on how that hurt my health and wellbeing.
Since I was a child I was a picky eater, with limited food I would accept and not a big apetite. I was also a very thin person, could not put on any weight no matter what I tried. I remember first learning what anemia is when I was 9 or 10. I struggled with my blood for years after that, despite diets and supplements. At some point I accepted that this is just what my body is like and I will be forever underweight and anemic.
Suddenly in high school I learned I developed lactose intolerance. I was devastated because diary was one of my go-to foods and a main breakfast food (either cereal or cheese sandwitch/toast). It was near impossible at that time to find any lactose-free products where I live and so my diet had to drastically change. Overnight I stopped my usual breakfast and went lactose free. That alone was a big issue but then suddenly I developped unusual headaches, dizzyness and chills.
My parents (with a history of dismissal of my health concerns) thought I am pretending to skip school. Luckily I was over 16 and scheduled my own doctor visit behind their back. Before the visit [warning: gross] I had an unexpected toilet visit with green feces. I was surprised but put it down to eating something green and not noticing. Doctor sent me for blood tests and included iron levels knowing my anemia history and worrying I have dangerously low iron levels again. Surprise surprise, my iron levels were through the roof. Turns out you can poison yourself with iron supplements. Doctor was surprised, ordered me off of any iron supplements I was taking.
I only learned years later (in university course on farmacotherapy) that drinking milk with iron pills significantly decreses their effectivness. Suddenly it all made sense. It even explained why I got worse again once lactose-free products became available (but not as bad as before).
Since then I learned that there is a lot of different interactions with medication and food you consume around the time of taking your drugs. Make sure to check grapefruit interactions if you're on antyhistamines, xanax or others, and check for St. John's Wort if you're on antidepressants.
TL:DR I overdosed on iron supplements because I stopped drinking milk everyday.

So I have generalised anxiety disorder and depression. I was on so many medications before but with little to no effective. I am currently taking Wellbutrin 150 mg and Trintellix 20 mg and feel so much anxiety every day from dusk till dawn to the point where I get panic attacks and feel so awful and so stresfull. What should I do? I cannot take Xanax or Clonopin every day because they can cause addiction and stop working cause they are benzodiazapines. I was thinking to change Trintellix to Effexor Xr but my doctor tells me to give Trintellix a time... What should I do?